#Just the thoughts [Diary Entries]

[fillianore]

kill them with kindness? wrong, eldritch blast

[katcantstopthinking]

is it a red flag to say she's so me?

[heavenlyghostchild]

me walking in school knowing i look a mess, phone is on 20%, surviving off water and gum, only having 3 hours of sleep, my homework is on a random paper and I smell like weed but at least I’m not racist and accept people the way they are

[moonwater-girl]

having negative thoughts about your manifestations is normal. its human nature to doubt and worry and overthink. it doesn't 'ruin' or 'delay' your manifestations. when you do have thoughts that are demotivating, you have to keep persisting and believing. one thing that helps me a lot is saying an affirmation to myself over and over which basically invalidates those negative thoughts.

'im not going to entertain things that i don't want to experience in my reality'

this affirmation let's you stay in tune with your intentions and affirmations.

[melimausl]

I hate living in reality

[huellitaa]

i hate hate HATE people acting like they're better than you just because they're older. i know teenagers who are more wise than 80% of adults combined. living more does not make you smarter. it's about the experience that comes with living.

[xlcovo]

[a-girlsdigitaldiary]

nothing comes between a girl and her love for her teddies <3

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I'm sitting here in the dark on a Wednesday evening, listening to the piano version of In My Room. I just heard that Brian Wilson died. Perhaps surprisingly or not, I couldn't help myself from crying. And it's strange because I never had any sort of emotional connection as a fan to Brian or The Beach Boys. And I'm ashamed to admit that my basic knowledge of his life comes from accidently catching on tv Love & Mercy. But perhaps it's all very fitting to have so many things in my life filtered through cinema. It can easily become a subsitute for real life. As my therapist likes to remind me often and I feel judged, even though she's not doing that.

Staying in my room for hours on end, blinds shut and eyes stuck in a screen or a book is how I spent most of my adolescence. And then my adult life. And now I'm trying to be somehow coherent after only having some 5 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours. The moon or maybe something must have been in the air and then last night I found myself moving between half a dozen streaming links to watch two men getting discharged from their military service.

I've been scrolling through twitter all day and talking to friends about every little detail that now, when I come here, I fail at being able to write something coherent. Perhaps because my attitude in the face of public writing puts pressure on me and now, after many hours and many people sharing their feelings and thoughts, it almost feels redundant. What else can I say that hasn't been said already?

If I want to point out that my feelings, my happiness mixed with anxiety is so common with millions of others waiting for that moment to happen and how perhaps I'm just part of a culture in which now these people must do a livestream to try and talk about experiences that may never be able to share or explain to other people but themselves?

I sound hypocritical of course. Because I too watched the livestream, holding my breath. You know how it feels when you watch something really important, that you've waited for so long and you try to absorb everything and eventually, you realize you don't remember half of it? That was me this morning at 6 am, trying to also keep my eyes open.

As much as I wanted to know everything, now after I had time to mull this over, I now understand how that will most likely not happen. Not after watching Jimin and Jungkook trying and only partially succeeding at the moment, to be public figures that have to share a part of their lives in which they were forced to participate.

At least they had each other. It became almost like a mantra in the past 18 months and hearing them today proved that. Through everything said and unsaid. Through the silent conversations they had on top of whatever they were trying to share to an audience of 8 million people.

Perhaps trying to analyze behavior and words would be pointless now, even though it's almost a reflex and one of the reason we write and talk about them here and with friends. But with so many months in between that have made their mark, there's this chunk of missing information that makes all of this redundant. I'll be waiting for it to be revealed naturally and over time. When there is less pressure to perform.

[arislittlediary]

🐇 : 1:19 sat may 10

xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo

sooo i got into a fight…

so at school this girl wanted to fight me for no reason at all! she got mad at me for ruinning her friendship when she was the one being friendly with her friends crush! mind u i already apologized for it! Then she got mad at me for saying she cried over a guy (she did) i tried convincing her not to get back with her ex and i mentioned that he made her cry and then she started saying “why would u mention that! what if it was happy tears!” and then changed her story and said she was t crying like what? then she started threatening me and saying “ohh imm gonna beat your ass unless you get on your hands and knees and apologize” also during this my friends were in a call with her and telling her what i would text them! like i would text them “calm her down because i don’t wanna fight” and the giel would read off what i told her.. it was li btw aka the girl i don’t have to secretly hate. i told her she got jello in my eye from flicking it and she was like “i hope u got an infection” she was cussing me out and everything and this is my first fight so i didn’t wanna talk crap and lose so i stayed quiet. During lunch we get to go outside and she ran towards me and we both swung and i took her to the ground and the rest is history. I think i won because i was untouched and nothing hurts on me neither i have any scars or bruises but i had my ring on my right hand so thats what i punched with and i gripped her hair with my other. My friend said all of her hair was scattered on the grass and when we got separated i had some of her hair on my clothes! I asked my friends and they said 5at everybody is saying that i won and i put belt to ass so like yea! That whole friend group is still talking crap even after everything happened and also when she was talking and threatening me that was the night before the fight so she knew. i came to school with no jewelry, tight clothes and gym shoes and i even put vaseline all over my face! Tell me why this girl came with her hair all down and pounds of jewelry and with ugg’s on! also shes shorter than me so i had a up in the fight and i had a lot of adrenaline from it! im still kinda shaking now! Im suspended for 2 days and i have in school suspension for 1 (Wednesday) so yea! o don’t really care about the suspensions and the girl got her phone taken and is grounded for starting the fight. All these girls in the friend group im not cool with-anymore bc they are still talking stuff and lying! the only ppl now are as , so and ha. Im sitting with my friends that i’ve known since last year aka the real real ones who i actually trust and don’t have much drama! there is la , br , ya , ma , mo , xy , pe , au and some others that im not that that close with them.. as well as ma , sa and yay cs they are the only ones who i can trust and are real asf like ride or dies.

im supposed 2 get 3 days but i got 2 for trying to calm her down and not fight but she came at me and i defended myself

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxooxxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxox

🤍 : last words

xoxoxooxooxoxoxxoxoxooxoxxoxoxoxxooxxoooxoxo

so that friend group thing im done with because they are fake! and lied in my face so. Lesson is be careful who you trust and you cant just be friends with everybody and anybody. She might wanna fight again but idk im not fighting again bc if i do im getting expelled and theres like 19 more days of school

xoxoxoxoxxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxooxoxxoxoxoxox

[rebirthofdiana]

relationships and weight gain

Jan 16th 

I have been in a relationship for ten months, marking the first romantic involvement of my life. Throughout my existence, or at least for as long as I can remember, my appearance has been the bane of my existence . If I did not perceive myself as attractive or if I was not skinny, I deemed myself "not good enough." This mindset has proven to be utterly exhausting, and I am fully aware of it.

However, since entering this relationship, I have let go my concerns regarding my appearance. I have largely ceased to care about my looks and weight. While some may view this as a positive development, a sign of a healthy relationship characterized by a release from the obsessive control over one’s appearance, I find it troubling. I harbor a deep dissatisfaction with my appearance and body, and I struggle with the fact that my boyfriend continues to love me despite my own negative self-perception. At times, I wish he would make comments that would compel me to take my appearance “situation” more seriously.

Fortunately, and perhaps unfortunately, he is the kindest and most compassionate man I have ever encountered, making it highly unlikely that he would ever utter anything so hurtful. Nevertheless, I recognize the need to implement changes in my diet and self-care routine; I cannot afford to lose control so easily in what is still a relatively short-term relationship. What will become of me if we reach the two-year mark? How will I look then? What will happen after experiencing two pregnancies? How did my situation deteriorate so rapidly?

I understand that happiness can sometimes lead to slight weight gain, but I always believed I would be the exception. I never imagined I would become "that girl." In my youth, I often judged my mother for letting herself go at a young age; I never thought I would follow a similar path. Yet, it seems I am indeed my mother's child.

[hellnokittyxo]

Loungin Around…

[heavenlyghostchild]

[moonwater-girl]

if you're manifesting your sp surely they have to be manifesting you too.

if you're assuming that they're manifesting you hence why you're manifesting them, it helps solidify the belief that it's a two way pull.

why not imagine it's a two way pull, like magnets??

why not assume that they're just as caught up in the energy and desire as you are?

it only makes sense that you're both pulling each other in. they're just as invested, just as drawn to you, and just as eager to reconnect.

[marionmabelle]

sexual intimacy has NOTHING on baring my soul to you at an ungodly hour and being tragically and disgustingly vulnerable

[soahbee]

It's funny when a guy my age (with good genetics) comes up to me and wants to give me his number... Honey, give me your dad's number, not yours.