#Just looked it up- turns out it won Kids Choice Awards so I guess it isn't underrated??

[aubrobrewhaha]

I don't know if Maleficent is considered an underrated movie but GODS I love her character so damn much. The symbolism for her wings ruined me.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐕𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐃𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐃𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫/𝐂𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬

   Motherly even without a child, these women either care for the earth or its inhabitants very dearly. Loyal, compassionate, and gentle to those they love. These women can intimidate and uplift whomever they desire.

𝐶𝑎𝑟𝑜𝑙 𝑃𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑟

𝐶𝑙𝑎��𝑟𝑒 𝐹𝑟𝑎𝑠𝑒𝑟

𝐷𝑜𝑛𝑛𝑎 𝑆ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑑𝑎𝑛

𝐸𝑠𝑚𝑒 𝐶𝑢𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑛

𝑃𝑜𝑖𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝐼𝑣𝑦

𝐸𝑙𝑎𝑖𝑛 𝐴𝑟𝑐ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑜𝑛

𝐴𝑗𝑎𝑐𝑘

𝐶𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛 𝑆𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑘

𝑀𝑎𝑙𝑒𝑓𝑖𝑐𝑒𝑛𝑡

[casadegatos]

Thank you @shutterbug-12 for the tag!

TAG GAME: EIGHT SHOWS TO GET TO KNOW ME

Going in order of oldest to newest. And I'm only including shows that have a complete run, so there's that. (that's not a rule, I just did that for me)

MASH

I don't always love a sitcom, but watching MASH was a family activity. Growing up we had one TV, it was before the internet and home computers, so we watched what Dad chose usually (more on that later). MASH was a lot of things, but mostly it taught me about being yourself in a group, that it was okay to be whatever you were and that you could make a family anywhere.

The Rockford Files

Jim Rockford, being witty and sarcastic but also a loving son and good friend, driving fast and solving cases as an ex-con Korean War vet in 1970s LA. What's not to love about all that? Dad really had an iron grip on the TV guide back in those days and for a kid some of the plots didn't make sense, but I have rewatched the whole series multiple times and I'm here to tell you, a lot of it holds up. What does it say about me? I guess it says that I really like car chases and easily solved mysteries wrapped up in some wide lapels. But also I guess that James Garner as Rockford is a blueprint for the kind of hero I enjoy (flawed but ulitmately kind and very loyal).

Twin Peaks

This is becoming about my Dad here, but this is another show that we both loved. Turns out, my Dad likes the weird stuff, too. This is the last show that we watched together regularly before I moved out. Narratively who knows wtf happens in any David Lynch joint, but that's not really the point to me. I love the absurd, dark, haunting elements it makes me think about. Sometimes it's incomprehensible and that's okay. Just like life.

Justified

The show that teaches you that dialogue makes the character. Boyd Crowder will forever be one of my favorite characters solely because of his dialogue (and Walton Goggins's delivery). Every character on this show has a distinct way of speaking and behaving and it is really one of the most enjoyable shows ever just for that reason. I have never dug coal, but I feel like I have after spending time with these characters. I guess this one says that I like realism sometimes? Also, a flawed but ultimately kind and loyal hero (Raylan Givens, meet Jim Rockford).

Orphan Black

I could go on for days about what this show means, but others have already done that better than I could, so I'll just say this: we all contain multitudes. Also, Tatiana Maslany should have won every acting award ever during her time on this show. Another show that made me think about how being yourself is really complicated sometimes and we don't always figure it out alone (found family, etc, etc).

Parks and Rec

A workplace comedy? On my list? Yes, and it's this one. Always makes me laugh and I see a bit of how I act with coworkers in a lot of the characters (not Leslie usually, but Ron frequently).  Gently sending up living in the Midwest while not making fun of it, mostly. Lost count of how many times I've watched this one.

Ripper Street

A flawed yet ultimately kind and loyal hero, crime solving, my favorite era of history, some of the best dialogue on any TV show, interesting and twisty plots, one of my all-time favorite actors, incredible attention to detail, and a very satisfying ending not to mention one of the nicest, kindest, and welcoming fandoms. Did I mention found family and workplace comedy? That's there too. (Edmund Reid, Raylan Givens, and Jim Rockford walk into a bar...wait, I'm only one person, get in line boys) One of my desert island shows, my go-to in times of stress, the thing I always recommend to people looking for something good (so long as they can stomach blood, that is).

Did you get to know me? lol, well maybe you'll watch one of these if you haven't before and find a new favorite.

Tagging a few people (participation only by your choice ofc) or just do it if you feel moved! @lizardsarevcool @hickeywiththegoodhair @valoricky @watchfuldeer @jennykin @quinnfabreys @swankpalanquin

[little-orphan-ant]

hi this is your invitation to go on a tangent about the titanic btw

THANK YOU GRACIE I WILL DEFINITELY TAKE UP YOUR OFFER

eg i will talk abt my son Ross

(someday ill prolly talk abt my other sons Jack and Harry and why i think they are Gay and also abt the Skoogs and the Navratils and etc)

(also i know i said on the discord that this would be a 4 page essay but its MUCH less organized than that just me spitting headcanons and facts)

but Rossmore!!!

that's what he looked like he look very stupid and idk why he's so surprised did he not know the picture was being taken

(not sure how old he is here - could be a graduation picture, meaning he was 13/14, or perhaps closer to the sinking, so 15/16)

this is him with his mom and brother (ill get to them later dont worry) sometime in the early 1900s (?) - Ross is the one in the middle, he's maybe 6 or 8 or 10ish here

NOW LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT ROSSY

(there are no records of him ever being called Ross/Rossy but I give all my history blorbos nicknames)

Rossmore Edward Abbott was born on Feb 21, 1896, in Providence, Rhode Island (probably on Chestnut Street, they def lived there by 1906)

His parents were George Stanton Abbott (listed in several places as Stanton, George S, Geo S, etc) and Rhoda Abbott (often called Rosa or Rose, but census data lists her as Rhoda)

Stanton was a PROFESSIONAL BOXER which is REALLY COOL and they got a buncha money n shit from punching people which was good because Money is Good

In 1899 Rossie's little brother Eugene was born and unlike his brother there is actually sources stating he went by Gene

(good choice genie)

his parents also had another kid but that kid died before being recorded on any census records or anything at all which is quite rude i must say

Rossie had a good childhood, but eventually the fame went to Stanton's head and he and Rhoda separated sometimes between 1906 and 1910 (look idk)

In that time Ross also started at Oxford Street Grammar School, the local grammar/middle school

Ross was a Very Good Student! (at least i like to believe that) he had Lots of Friends! (another thing i choose to believe with no proof)

actually no i do have Some proof abt the Good Student part

(look at me caually segue-ing (?) into the most important and detailed part of my research)

(i have a doc called 'INTERESTING PEOPLE ABOARD THE TITANIC' and it's 42 pages long and my shit research abt Oxford Street and the Anthony Medal makes up pages 15 through 34)

SO!!

ANTHONY MEDAL!!

Something Something Anthony was the governor of Rhode Island for a while at some point (i do not care abt this fucker) but when he died or retired idk he donated some money and was like 'hey make an award after me'

and everyone was like 'okie dokie'

so yeah now they got the Anthony Award, which was given to one or two students twice a year from each of the Providence grammar and high schools

they win by reciting a speech good or some shit, i never actually figured it out lol

but i bet you can guess where im going with this-

Rossie-boy wins it!!

(I freaked out so fucking hard when I found this like seriously i had been looking for MONTHS and THERE IT WAS)

Ross won the Anthony Award on Jan 28, 1910, when he was about a month away from turning 14

Soon afterwards he either graduated or had to leave school, because on the 1910 census he's apprenticed to an 'electro gilder', whatever that is. (some sort of jeweler?)

(it tried to correct 'he's' to 'he was' haha no this boy's alive in my head)

also on that census - Ross is listed as having not attended school in the past year, which we know is false because yknow. Anthony Medal. So either our boy lied or there was some sort of mix-up

(by here Stanton is gone and Rhoda, Ross, and Gene are living at a different address with another family and two boarders, and Rhoda is working as a seamstress)

The next year (1911) Rhoda decides to move her and the boys back to her hometown (somewhere in England idk)

there, Genie attended school but Ross had to work as a jeweler to help his family make ends meet :(

this makes me especially sad bc I like to think that Ross really wanted to go to college and do something that required an education and he wasn't able to bc of things outside his control

After about a year of living in England, the Boys were very homesick and missed Providence, so Rhoda decided to move them back home.

guess what ship they were on. guess. guess.

YOU'RE WRONG IT WAS THE TITANIC

and I could write SO MUCH more on Ross's experiences onboard and my headcanons about him and Alfred Rush but this is long so not gonna (yet)

gracie!! thank you!! i love ranting about unimportant shit!!

[defdaily]

‪[TRANSLATION] Arena Homme+ Magazine April 2021 Issue featuring JAY B

Translated by defdaily.

JAY B is free and starting again from scratch. That is what JAY B has in mind. GOT7’s leader announced that he would be leaving JYPE as the group stays together. JAY B is preparing to debut as a solo musician while planning to also release mixtapes and hold exhibitions as Def. We had a chat with JAY B, who has gained more freedom and strength, at the swimming pool about courage, depression, literature and aspirations.

Did you come here alone?

Yes. I took a taxi here. I was the type to go around freely even when I was in JYPE but catching the taxi to work this time around felt new.

All GOT7 members decided to leave JYP but stay together as a group. As a leader, you needed to make a decision, right?

Although we ended up leaving JYPE, we wanted to continue as GOT7. We all agreed to leave [JYPE] and try it between ourselves.The product made from me taking responsibility/taking charge was the single 'Encore’ that was released not too long ago. I was involved in the whole process with a new record label. I was happy to see a good response [to the single]. It was lacking in some areas but I was just very proud that we were able to show a different step. Since we showed through this single that “we did not disband”, what’s next is more important. When we left JYPE, Director Jung Wook mentioned "Your role as a leader starts now." I'm realizing it now.

”I wanted to learn everything about the process of releasing an album and how difficult it is. I wanted to start again from scratch.”

Your role as a leader actually starts now.

I used to find the role of a leader burdensome at times but now I feel a greater sense of responsibility. While supporting each person’s journey, I thought I needed to be the one to step up once we got back together. We also talk regularly in our group chat. Not long ago, Jackson went to China. When Mark went to the USA, I could see him off but when Jackson was leaving, we couldn’t be together because of a schedule. So I told him to have a safe flight, apologised for not being able to see him off and thanked him too. He replied saying he’ll take care and be back.

What motivated you to leave the large agency you've been working with for a long time?

The thought came to mind suddenly as we were promoting as GOT7. Am I taking all these benefits I get for granted? When a schedule is released I just do it, and when they ask me to confirm things I do, but what kind of long process has it gone through before it came to me? Who sends a request and how is it processed? Why am I only waiting until it reaches me and simply watching it unfold? I wanted to be directly involved in that process. I wanted to learn everything about the process of releasing an album and how difficult it is. I want to be humble and start from the bottom again.

Didn't you need the courage?

Of course I did. I was also afraid. My position has risen to all the way up here, but when it comes to my actual knowledge, I think I'm only down there. I was afraid that the difference would feel too big once I left the company. But I think I would have been more afraid if I stayed at JYPE. Since that difference would have grown bigger and bigger. My real self is here, so I should face it head-on a little faster. That's what I thought.

As JAY B or as Def. who releases mixtapes and holds exhibitions, you must have had the desire to do something new.

I want to do research and build it up step by step without haste. JAY B will show hip hop and RnB music that appeals to the general public and Def. will do activities that Def. wants to do. It could be mixtapes or exhibitions, or other different kinds of fictions. Def. is the nickname I used as a bboy before I became a trainee. It’s like air floating about freely. It could be house or soul or acoustic or even modern rock. In a way, you can say that Def. is close to my “main self” but since I debuted as JAY B, I’ll also show a devoted side of myself through JAY B. I want to be a person who can do both what he has to do and what he wants to do freely.

Listening to your mixtapes, and hearing that you like the styles of D’Angelo and Ray Charles, you seem to be attached to the Southern US rhythm and blues and soul music.

I do like them a lot. I like the entire hip-hop culture that originated from there. That culture also includes DJing, graffiti and even bboying. Since I started as a bboy, I would look up older videos to watch, study the culture and also look into what each dance move symbolizes, with my bboying crew and that's how I became fascinated. What captivated me the most was their obstinacy. I felt respect towards the conviction and obstinacy they carried with their culture.

Is that mood still incorporated in your music and dance?

Yes. For example, I don’t think choreography is dance. I think dancing is when music plays and you like the rhythm and start humming and bobbing your head and moving your body. I think dancing is a free act you do out of enjoyment.

What was the reason you joined an idol group after starting out as a bboy?

I gained an interest in music too, not just dancing. When I was young, I listened to D’Angelo’s music and wanted to become a singer like him. But I was rebellious when I first joined JYPE. Haha. I was even suspended for a month once as a trainee. I definitely said hello but they said I didn’t so they said "If you're going to be stubborn, then go home" and me with my young heart replied “Then I shall head home.” and left. Then I met up with my bboying crew after a long time, and in just a few months it turned into a different world. The crew members were above me and I was worried because I could feel myself far away by myself. Should I go back to bboying? Should I continue as a trainee? In the end, I wanted to do my very best in whatever I chose so I decided to focus on becoming a singer. Since I wanted to do music, it was a choice I made with no regrets.

You started as a dancer and ended up as a main vocalist. What was music to you back then?

It was a challenge. Trainees are divided into singing and dancing. I joined as a dancer but what I wanted to do was become a singer and not just do dance. But since I was put into the dancing division, I worked even harder with singing to break that prejudice. I often felt defeated. I still feel defeated with singing. Haha. But music is about endless research. Now it’s more about research than studying.

You grew up as an only child to your parents who did farming?

I was an ordinary kid. I enjoyed Haruki’s Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage and thought the “colourless” kid was just like me. I was a calm kid who helped his parents with their farm work. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t have any older siblings but they said I used to talk to myself a lot. My mother said there was a way she would know if I was home or not. If I was home, she would hear me talk to myself and be like “Oh really?” “Yes really” haha.

It’s extraordinary to read Haruki at that age.

There was an older friend that I knew and he was really cool. He looked really cool reading on the bus with his legs crossed. He said “Hey, Read a book and build up some knowledge.” As I was trying to be cool like him, I gained a favourite author and started reading more since I enjoyed it.

What kind of books do you like?

When I was a teenager I often read Kafka On The Shore. It felt like Kafka was just like me, and so while reading it, I even cried. The style of Murakami Radio was also interesting. The ending phrase “But I like that more…” was very witty. I’m collecting books from secondhand bookstores from authors who won the Young Author awards. I like Lee Jang-wook's short story Byeon Hee-bong. The main character knows the actor Byun Hee-bong, but the world doesn't know him. He would ask "Don't you know Byun Hee-bong from the movie The Host?" But no one knows. I like stories that don’t intend to be funny but they end up making me giggle.

What do you read these days?

I try to read poetry. I purchased and read the first volume that appeared on Moonji’s Poetry Collection, but it has too many Hanja characters. Haha. I started with Munhwak’s Poetry Collection. I have volumes 1 to 85. I also read poet Park Joon's collection of poems and poet Lee Eun-gyu's Affectionate Name. I even underlined and wrote things down.

Among the idols and musicians I’ve met, I think you are the most extensive reader.

We went on tours often and we would have a lot of time in my hotel room. When I went out I took pictures and when I stayed in my hotel room I read books. When I go on an overseas tour, I pack around 30 books in my suitcase. Then I bring back the books that left an impression on me, and those that didn’t sometimes I dispose of them there. These days, I look for independent publications too. I often look for independent publishing bookstores in Nakseongdae or Haebangchon. There are many books that contain honest stories that are not refined, and the power of those sentences is great.

How does reading influence your work?

The poetic expressions with poetic license help when writing lyrics. You read a new sentence and think “What is this expressing?” You receive inspiration from that image being expressed in a new way. I think of lyrics as poetry too. There are times I write how I feel honestly, but when I want to include a certain meaning I’d want to write the lyrics like poetry.

In your photo exhibition <ALONE> last year, you took pictures of objects and signs in the middle of the road.

Wouldn't it feel very lonely if you think about it from an object’s point of view? The camera captures just an instance but the object will stay there. I think each person has an insatiable loneliness. I like the artist Seonglib’s works, and I feel loneliness in his drawings. I don't know why I keep talking about loneliness, I guess I’m familiar with loneliness.

Seems like you take more pictures of objects and landscapes than people.

I don’t really like taking pictures of people. You can clearly see a person’s emotions in their eyes. I prefer hiding things rather than revealing them too much. I prefer objects, backgrounds, and natural objects rather than subjects that openly express 'It's me!'. Tranquil things, I like when you go past something and go “that’s how it was.” I try my best since my job requires being presented to people but that’s also how I am.

Who do you like as a movie director?

I like Woody Allen’s directing. My favourite is Match Point. It's a love story that goes beyond taboos, and it's electrifying. The face of the actor who secretly asks the reunited lover to give him her number remains in my memory for a long time. How could he direct such a real-looking, raw look in their eyes? When I was a theater and film major, I used to take directing classes rather than acting. If I were to direct a film, I would like to shoot an eccentric witty romantic comedy like Love Fiction directed by Jeon Gye-soo.

Are you self-conscious as an artist?

I’m interested in a variety of genres, and interact with crews often, but I think goofing off just because they are an artist is an arrogant attitude. Everyone is their own artist, no matter what they do, right? I'm not trying to be pretentious, I just think there's a difference in expression, and people who work in the office are also doing their own art. That’s why I’m a little shy about the title “artist.” Is there a need to be puffed up with pride because I’m an artist? I’m just a person.

While filming for “What's in my bag” and revealed your medications for depression and panic disorder. When did you face your depression?

I didn’t know I had depression. I thought I was being weak for a short while and let it pass. But on an occasion I got examined and found out I had depression. They asked how I lived by without going to the psychiatrist. I said I just thought I was the type to feel blue. Haha. I’m the type that doesn’t show [what is wrong] but they said I was in a state where I needed treatment. After going to counselling and taking medications, I’m much better now.

“I just wanted to talk about it. It may not show, but depression is both a common and dangerous illness.”

I think you’re cool for having the courage to talk about this.

I got diagnosed and looked at the people around me. There are friends who are ashamed of it and try to hide it, and there are friends who talk about it as if it’s insignificant. I just wanted to talk about it. It may not show, but it’s both a common and dangerous illness. A mental illness is an illness too. Among my fans, or those who read this interview, if there is someone who feels depressed, don’t be ashamed of it and I hope you receive treatment and overcome it. It’s not an embarrassing thing and it doesn’t need to be hidden. And I was filming content where I show what’s inside my bag; I can’t lie. I wish everyone would be healthy.

Are you bad at lying?

Yes. If I have to tell a lie, I think it’s just better to not say anything. Since I’m the type that’s honest and straightforward, I also don’t like beating around the bush.

Can you share a way one can take a step forward towards recovering from depression?

Look at the world in a broad view. Know that there are many places you haven’t been to yet and there are many things you haven’t felt yet. It's also good to take a walk and go off your usual route and take a path you've never been on. Small adventures can also be of great help. Just by leaving the house you’re already halfway there. I think there are more ways you can refresh yourself outside rather than inside. Also, I thought I was an honest person but after being diagnosed with depression, I thought I should be more honest with myself and more faithful to myself. At times like this, think of yourself before others.

What do you believe in?

I just believe in god. I don’t have a religion. I don’t know what kind of existence god is but I do believe that there is a god. When I’m thankful or am having a hard time, I pray. “Thank you.” “Please let me get through this wisely.”

What is the greatest motivation that moves you?

As long as I’m alive, I want to continue doing work that will leave a message. I believe that there is no next life. I think I should live this time diligently to the fullest. To have no regrets.

Translated by defdaily.

[achaoticeternal]

THIS IS ME TRYING

AVENGERS X READER (tony stark x daughter!reader, platonic peter parker x reader) masterlist // taglist

Request: @big-galaxy-chaos​ “Hey so I see that you also need requests as much as I do 😚 so here is mine! So it's Peter x stark!reader angst. Where Tony is afraid of becoming like his father but in reality, he is worst than him. He favors Peter more than her. Even though she is smarter than her own father, and won tons of awards and shit. Tony doesn't realize what he lost until the reader is gone. Btw the relationship between the reader and Peter is platonic! Also, everyone is oblivious to how she is feeling. Just pure angst”

Summary: Dads and daughters are supposed to have a beautiful relationship. But you could never be the song he always wanted. Word Count: 2.5K A/N: Based on the song this is me trying by Taylor Swift. Reader and Peter are both 18+; takes place after Thanos and Tony lives. Warnings: Heavy angst, cursing, self destructive behaviors, mentions death

“Mr. Stark, I’ve been working on the chemical formula of my webbing and I’m pretty sure that I’ve completely perfected it,” Peter talked while walking with your father to the lab.

“That’s great because I’ve been working on your web-shooters. Now, they can shoot up to 200 yards in length and the error rate of them getting jammed is less than one percent.”

Tony rested a hand on the boy’s shoulder as they left the room together. Neither of them acknowledges you on the couch, reading another novel involving quantum physics. But you’re used to the cold shoulder your father has given you since he first met Peter Parker. You’re used to the way he’s turned you away all your life, justifying his choice by saying he’s protecting you. 

You knew that he feared to become his father. Pepper explained that to you when you were a child and you couldn’t leave your room until Tony’s lady of the night let. Or as you and Pepper called it at the time “taking out the trash”. 

Maybe that was when you became more interested in the mathematics and science you found in the book and the workshop over good ole bonding time with dear old dad. If he wanted to neglect the time and opportunity to raise you, you would at least make sure to put his money and name to good use for your own personal benefit. And in the back of your mind, you knew that part of you was doing this to earn the attention and love you desired from your father.

Tony just saw it as taking an early interest in your future. So he didn’t stop you when you preferred to sit with tutors over playdates, draw out designs for engines and inventions instead of scribbling in coloring books, or even reading through scientific theories over watching Disney movies. He didn’t think it was strange, because that’s what he did at your age. Hell, by the time you were 10 you had won three first-place national science fair ribbons, third place in the national spelling bee, and began developing a prototype to turn the emissions from cars back into breathable oxygen. 

Everyone noticed your brain, and how much you had achieved now at 18 years old. You held 2 Bachelor’s in Mechanical Engineering and Organic Chemistry from MIT and a Master’s in Astrophysics from Georgia Tech. And you were now planning out when you wanted to go to Law school and earn your doctorate. But you were living at the compound now, taking a gap year.

When you went away for school, you learned from others how normal life was for everyone else. You met kids who were the first in their family to go to college or were looking for opportunities outside of the small towns they came from. When you came home from your second semester at MIT, you told Tony about all this and he created the September Foundation in order to fund the projects and inventions those kids were creating. It was another punch in the gut to you, because you realized that you would never be enough for Tony.

If you were enough, he would have passed the mantle of Iron Man onto someone else after he almost lost you and Pepper to the Mandarin. If you were enough, he wouldn’t have enlisted Peter to help him in his fight against Captain America. If you were enough, he wouldn’t have gone into space for a final fight. If you were enough, Morgan wouldn’t be in the other room watching cartoons. And if Tony acknowledged you, just even a little but, maybe you wouldn’t be trying so hard to impress him and the world.

“Ms. Stark, your package has arrived. Shall I send it over to the labs?” F.R.I.D.A.Y echoed into the room.

“No, send it over to my personal workshop. In fact, send all of TS-2008 to my personal workshop.”

“Of course, miss.”

“Oh, and F.R.I.D.A.Y?”

“Yes, miss?”

“Please stop referring to me as ‘Ms. Stark’, (Y/N) is fine.”

“Alright, CASS, reboot the system diagnostics and run test C-24,” you yawned as you asked your personal AI system. The personal AI system you built for yourself, bu yourself - no help from Tony at all. 

“Systems are checked out, shall I launch the test?”

“Go for it,” you groaned and took to Advil for your poundingheadachee. It was now two in the morning after another long night of coding, calibrating, testing, and perfecting the project you’ve been working on the past two years. 

When you were younger, you tried to replicate the Iron Man suit, but your father quickly discovered the helmet and nearly perfected arc reactor you’d created in his lab. He trashed all of it and told you never to attempt to create the suit again. He said you were better than that, that you had more potential than pretending to be a superhero. You realized as you grew older that he didn’t care if you were trying to become a hero or not; but that you were copying his work. His precious Iron Man that he took months to perfect only took a week for his child to solve.

Dear old dad couldn’t let you have things the easy way. So instead after SHIELD fell and Tony began working to finish wiping out HYDRA, you began working on your own original model suit. Now it was almost ready to showcase to the world. 

“Test C-24:successful. Shall I continue to run diagnostics to watch the processing and reaction time of TS-2008?”

“Yes, CASS. Run virtual simulations L-29, O-400, and T-38. Let me know when the trials have finished running and whether or not they were successful or not.”

“Yes, Ms. (Y/N),”

You pushed away from your desk and left your workshop. Before you knew it, you were in the kitchen pouring yourself another cup of coffee. You had been through 3 pots already tonight and no one noticed. Guess that was the nice thing about being Tony’s kid. Everyone else acknowledge your accomplishments and paid no mind to your destructive tendencies. In fact, maybe you’d celebrate tonight and snag a bottle of champagne from the extravagant wine fridge next to the dishwasher. You’d done it plenty of nights before when you wanted to drown out and numb the pain in your heart.

“(Y/N)? Why are you awake? And why are you holding a bottle of champagne?”

Ah, Peter... of course he would be spending the weekend at the compound. It’s not likely he has a perfectly good and happy home back in Queens with a guardian who loves him very much and would give the world to him. Guess that’s something May and your Father. 

“Hello, Perfect Parker”

“You know I’ve never understood why you call me that, it doesn’t make sense.”

“Of course it doesn’t make sense from your end of the looking glass.Why are you up?” You tried so hard not scowl or be too rude. Peter had tattled to TOny before about you having a ‘bad attitude’ towards him.

“I believe I asked you that first.”

“That you did, but if you want an answer out of me, you’ll have to answer first.”

“I couldn’t sleep. thought I would get myself a glass of water. You?”

“I’m getting wasted, just like all my potential,” You faked a smile and started peeling the gold wrapping off of the cork of the bottle.

“Don’t say that, everyone knows how talented and brilliant you are,” He sighed while grabbing himself a glass and walking over to the fridge, “You’re a Stark”

“Tell that to Dad, because you’ll always be more of a Stark than I’ll ever be,” You huffed as you pulled a corkscrew out of a drawer near you.

“That doesn’t make any sense, (Y/N), are you sure you haven’t been drinking already? Because you sound delirious. Maybe you should spend some time outside of your bedroom, maybe even get out of the compound. When was the last time you left to go somewhere?”

“Thanks for the concern Parker, but I’ve been able to hold my own for at least fifteen years now. And I know I don’t leave here a lot because I don’t have the opportunity too. If there’s a private event, either Pepper attends with Tony or Spider-man makes an appearance with Iron Man. I’m just surprised that there aren’t rumors across the media wondering ‘Is Spider-Man the lost of the Iron Man, Tony Stark?” You waved your hand in the air to match the dramatic tone.

“Haha, you’re so funny,” He took a sip out of your water, “People know you exist”

“Yeah, maybe if they do a quick Google shirt. But I’m not offended, I know that I just live in your shadow. But I’m used to it,” Your poured the alcohol into a glass and began to sip from it, relief flooding through you.

“Okay , I get it. You’re just in another one of your dramatic moods, maybe you should just go to bed before you say or do something stupid,” he took a step towards you.

“Don’t I always?”

“Always what?”

“Say or do something stupid?”

He halted and shook his head, “That’s not what I meant, (Y/N), I-”

“No, that’s exactly what you meant, Parker,” You brushed past him and stormed into the living room, “You don’t understand how lucky you are.”

He came stomping after you, “Oh, so you’re feeling brave, huh? Well you just sound like an idiot. I’m not just some lucky kid! I’ve lost my parents, my Uncle was killed in front of my face, and I disappeared from existence! The only people who care for me are Aunt May and Tony.”

You turned to face him, face completely red, tears threatening to spill, “Well at least you have Tony, because I don’t! I’ve just run around all my life trying to be perfect, be easy for him to deal with, live up to his and everybody's expectations! But I’m not good enough, I’ve never been good enough, and I’ll never be good enough. I’m just Tony Stark’s bastard child who built herself from the ground up without the slightest bit of help from her father!”

“(Y/N)...”

“No, don’t you ‘(Y/N)’ me. You’ve gotten everything you wanted from my father since day one. I never had that. You didn’t have to work to really make your own suite, you didn’t have to endure a lifetime of pain because of his arrogant ass, YOU didn’t have to wonder where Tony was on your graduation day for MIT - his alma mater - because he attended your fucking high school graduation instead!”

“What the hell is going on?” Tony yelled from the opposite end of the room. Pepper stood behind him and you could hear other door creaking open to here the events down the hall, “Not only are you two fighting in the living room and woke up half the compound, but you woke up Morgan and now she’s crying in her room because you two are screaming at each other.”

“Well boo-fucking-hoo, poor Morgan woke up in the middle of the night,” you mumbled to yourself.

“I just came to get a glass of water,” Peter attempted to defend himself.

And from Tony and Pepper’s angle, he did look to be more innocent. He had a glass of water in his hand and was completely cool. While you stood opposite of him; a bottle of booze in one had, dark circles under your eyes, a tear stained face, and looking to be in a mad frenzy.

“(Y/N), explain yourself,” Tony spoke sternly.

You took a deep breath in and wiped away fresh tears with your sleeve, “No, I don’t have to.”

“Excuse me,” your father marched across the room, “I don’t know what’s gotten into you tonight but-”

“What’s gotten into me? Do you even listen to the bullshit that comes out of your mouth? No, of course you do, because you like listening to yourself talk more than you’ll listen to me. So talking to you is as fucking useless as talking to a deaf man!”

Peter and Tony now stood stunned at you and your sudden tantrum, but you knew it had been coming, you had always known. You knew one day you were going to explode, and it just happened to be tonight.

“I get it, I’m not precious Peter, or your beautiful Morgan. I’m just your bastard child from some broad you met on Malibu Beach. Even though I’m just a kid, I’ve always been your competition, a threat to you and your name. And even after every nearly life-ending event, I thought things would change - that you’d finally love me. But that never happened not even after Extremis infected not just Pepper’s body, but my own! And now I’m dying, I’m fucking dying, dad. I’m running out of time and trying to do everything I can. I go to school and get these diplomas and certificates to impress you. I invent and build thing to get your attention. I do it all because I still desire your validation and I’m running out of time,” you fall to your knees, everything becoming to much, “this is me trying, just like I have been all my life- but it’s still not enough.”

The room went silent. Only sobs echoed around the room as champagne poured out the bottle, staining the carpet. Neither Tony or Peter knew what to say or what to do. How could they begin to comfort the crying girl on the floor, or fix everything that ha occured over a lifetime.

Tony finally knelt down, “(Y/N), you know I never meant for any of this to happen, for you to ever feel like this. I’ve always been so scared of becoming your grandfather... I thought I was doing right by never pushing you, I guess it just never clicked.”

“Oh yeah, is that why you pushed me away and found Peter? And then when you realized you had messed up and forgot about your first daughter, you had another one in order to make things up?” You raised to head and shoulder up first, then finally rose back onto your two feet, “well congratulations, you’re worse than Howard Stark. And I hope you’re proud, Dad.”

With that, you left the living room. You couldn’t deal with in anymore that night, maybe ever again. Because when Tony came to check on you the next morning, you were missing. Only a note by your bedside remained as the only proof you had even lived in the room.

I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that Pulled the car off the road to the lookout Could've followed my fears all the way down And maybe I don't quite know what to say But I'm here in your doorway I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

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[k-llama-llama]

Picking Sides

Stray Kids AU: 10th member

Tori x Stray Kids

An awkward moment at a JYP meeting

A/N: Thoughts?

Requests are closed, but your feedback is still greatly appreciated!

Masterlist and other Follow Me links in bio!

“And we also need to think about who’s going to do our dance solo.” JYP stated.

Tori passed a chip to Felix. They were currently at a JYP meeting discussing one of their upcoming summer concerts, with all of the JYP groups present. Tori was sitting with Felix and Woojin, and until now she had been bored out of her mind.

But at the news of the dance stage, she perked up. She spared a glance at Momo, already excited to see what the older girl was planning for her dance solo, and hoping she would get to see it in advance.

“Tori?”

“Yes?” Tori turned to JYP, realzing she hadn’t been listening.

“What are your thoughts on that?”

“On what, sorry?” She asked sheepishly.

JYP just gave a small chuckle. “On doing the solo stage.”

Tori tilted her head. “Like, who do I think should do it?”

“Tor, he’s asking you to do it.” Woojin mumbled.

“Me?” Her mouth fell open. “Really?”

“Yes. Momo has covered this for us for a few years, and we’ve decided that you would be a good fit.”

“I mean, I would love to.” She nodded. “If you think it’s the right choice. And if you’re okay with it, Eonnie.”

Momo grinned. “Of course! I think you would be great.”

“Excuse me sir.” One of Itzy’s managers spoke up from her position beside the rookies.

“Go ahead.” JYP said, making notes on the paper in front of him.

“If this is a chance to showcase our best dancers, shouldn’t this go to Yeji? Or possibly Ryujin?”

Tori bit her lip and settled  back into her seat. An uncomfortable silence settled over the table, and ever the Itzy girls looked a little unsettled.

“I’m not quite sure what you mean.” JYP gave the manager a confused look.

“No offence to Tori...” The manager began. “But Yeji is by far our best dancer. She looks better on stage, and she has the individual following.”

“So a little offence to Tori.” Jackson was glaring. “Because that’s wrong.”

“Jackson.” JYP warned him.

“What, it’s true.”

“I’m sorry if that comes across as offensive.” The manager continued. “But it’s true.”

“And I’m sorry to disagree with you, but you’re wrong.”

Tori gasped at JYP’s response. She hadn’t expected him to actually back her up.

“Sir?” The manager seemed confused.

“Tori is without a doubt the strongest dancer, with the exception of Momo. She’s performed in concerts, doing choreographies that are exceptionally difficult, and has won multiple popularity awards. She’s the clear choice.” He set his pen down. “And my choice.”

That seemed to be the end of the meeting, and everyone began to stand. Tori couldn’t help but feel a bit defeated. Though she’d gotten the opportunity, she was still being compared to other people.

“It’s okay.” Chan patted her on the shoulder. “You deserve it.”

“I guess.” She shrugged.

Arms wrapped around her, pulling her into a hug. “You good, Little T?”

Tori looked up at Jackson. “I’m great.”

“You’re going to do awesome on stage, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

“Excuse me.”

They all turned, facing Itzy.

“Hi girls.” Felix offered weakly.

“We wanted to-” Yeji glanced back, with Lia making a face as if to egg her on. “We wanted to apologize.”

“What for?” Tori tilted her head. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“We’re sorry that our manager made it seem like we’re better than you.” Ryujin explained. “You really are the best dancer at JYP. Honestly! I think you’re even better than Momo.”

Tori gave a light laugh. “Thanks, though there’s no way that’s true.”

“It is.” Yeji nodded. “I’m sorry that we didn’t see that before.”

Tori gave a slight nod. “Thanks, I think.”

“Your debut was amazing.” Chaeryeong said. “Really, it was. I’m glad you weren’t on our team for the showcase.”

Someone elbowed her in the side.

“Because, you got to debut with Stray Kids.” Yeji explained. “We’re sorry we made it seem like we didn’t like you.”

“It’s okay.” Tori smiled. “We’re friends, right?”

“Really, Sunbaenim? We can be friends?” Chaeryeong looked excited.

Tori laughed. “Of course we are.”

“I’m glad.” Yuna grinned.

Tori thought for a moment. “And Yeji?”

“Yes?”

“I’d really like your help choreographing my dance solo.”

“Really?” She looked shocked.

“Of course.” Tori smiled. “It’ll be fun.”

“I’d love to!”

Their manager called them away, and Itzy hurried away with waves and bows.

“Look at you, being the bigger person.” Woojin teased.

Tori sighed. “There’s no point in holding grudges. I have bigger problems.”

There was a long silence.

“Are you going to Zoey’s party tonight?” Jackson finally asked to break the silence.

“Yeah, we were all planning on going.” Tori said. “You?”

“Should’ve known you’d go if there were tacos.” Jackson laughed. “See you all there.”

[wiiired]

Season 2 Awards

We’ve finished Season 2! Like last time, I thought it’d be fun to make a bracket of my favorite and least favorite moments, once again relying on Way Down in the Hole for the categories. So, without further ado, the best and worst of Season 2.

Best and Worst Boss: I’m going to give both of these to Frank Sobotka. There’s nobody more invested in the well-being of his union -- from bribing politicians to ratting on the Greeks to keep his men away from criminal charges, Sobotka was willing to do anything to protect IBS Local 1514. Over the course of the season, we see him be incredibly generous with union workers, gifting them cash when they’re in a hard spot, and drinking with them at the local bar. But Frank is also the reason that police attention falls on the union; while you can’t blame him for Stan Valchek’s personal grudge, he’s absolutely blameworthy for getting in deep with a criminal organization. Ultimately, Frank was too short-sighted to be a good boss, and his insistence in maintaining the status quo rather than looking for ways to adapt was ultimately his downfall. Of course, his downfall also cost the union its freedom -- in the final montage of S2E12, we see that IBS has been taken over by the feds.

Best Couple: My favorite couple is one that never happened -- Frank and Beadie (making my case: 1, 2). I’m a sucker for yearning looks, and there were definitely some looks traded between the union boss and local cop. They seemed to genuinely care about each other, beyond a friendly smile at the port or in the bar. One of the most memorable scenes of Season 2 is when Beadie confronts Frank and asks him to talk to the cops. Frank confesses to her that he thought he was doing the wrong thing for the right reasons, and Beadie says, “There are different types of wrong.” I feel like they could’ve been a couple that mutually supported each other -- Frank the stable union presence for Beadie’s kids, giving Beadie more flexibility to find the career she’s looking for. Alas, the Greeks ruined that one for me.

Worst Couple: Nick Sobotka and Aimee. Nick just isn’t ready to settle down. He isn’t making enough money to support a family, and while he loves his child he isn’t enough of a presence to be there for her. Not to mention, he abandons Aimee in his parents’ home and spends the night with Prissy rather than seeking comfort from his significant other. Aimee deserves better than this man who brought trouble onto himself, and consequently made her life more difficult (the three of them got dragged into Witness Protection thanks to Nick’s Greek connections). I say time to move on.

Favorite Quote: Any of the nicknames for Jimmy while he was riding the boat. Sailor Boy, Little Man in the Canoe, Captain Chesapeake, McNulty the Sailor Man, and my favorite, Prince of Tides.

File This Away for Later Moment: Stringer’s encounter with Brother Mouzone. The way that Brother Mouzone sees straight through Stringer -- remember that. Mouzone will be making an appearance in Season 3.

Rookie of the Year: Ziggy. On Way Down in the Hole, Van Lathan pointed out that Ziggy is a character who always provokes an emotional reaction; love him or hate him, you feel some kind of way when he shows up. Personally, I found my growing tolerance for Ziggy growing over the course of the season, and on a rewatch I was more attentive to the way he’s treated by Nick and Frank. It’s hard not to feel sorry for the class clown who just wanted some respect, and couldn’t get it, stuck in a job where he couldn’t succeed and ignored by his own father. Over a single season, Ziggy evolves from union jester to booster extraordinaire to convicted murderer, all because he couldn’t find his spot. Hopefully he’ll have time to change in prison, and he’ll be able to start over once he gets out.

Six M(e)n of the Year: Jemele Hill and Van Lathan picked Herc and Carver, and I have to agree. No one was a more consistent B plot than Police Brutality 1 & 2 (Jemele’s nickname for them): Herc’s pestering of Kima to join the team, and then getting Daniels to bring Carver on board, too; the bug-tennis ball-Fuzzy Dunlop subplot; those brief seconds where the two of them struggled to bring that air conditioner up the stairs; constant car surveillance and that amazing scene with the french fries (”You think I’m fat?”). I’ve always liked Herc and Carver because I think they’re funny, but I felt guiltier about it last season because they were unquestionably the cops most likely to beat someone up. This season, they’re the perfect combination of scheming yet inept and well-positioned as comic relief.

Favorite Scene: It’s either D’Angelo’s death in S2E6 or the scene in S2E11 where Beadie asks Frank to talk to the cops. First, D’Angelo’s death is dramatic because it’s so sudden -- everything is going well, and then thirty seconds later D’Angelo’s on the floor with a belt around his neck. The first time I watched S2E6 I didn’t actually believe that D’Angelo had died -- it wasn’t until the next episode that I understood he’d actually been killed off. Not to mention, D’Angelo was season 1′s moral compass, so losing him was pretty upsetting. Second, the scene between Beadie and Frank -- well, I’m just a romantic for them. Whether they should’ve been together or just good friends, you can’t deny how well Amy Ryan and Chris Bauer act emotional. I felt Frank’s regret for everything he’d done, even more so because I knew what was going to happen to him. And, yes, I think this scene is proof why Beadie and Frank would’ve been a good couple. While Beadie was there for a reason, she was the only person who was able to comfort Frank and understand why he made the choices that he did, and Beadie was the only person Frank was able to open up to. Maybe in an alternate universe, Frank comes clean, helps the cops nab the Greeks before they sail off on fraudulent passports, and Beadie drives him home, where with Ziggy in jail he decides he’s going to start anew. The two of them load his truck with suitcases, pick up Beadie’s kids, and drive off into the sunset.

Best Performance: Nick Sobotka. It’s hard to make a thieving, racist dockworker sympathetic, but Pablo Schreiber did it. Jemele Hill points out that Nick is the most openly racist of the dockworkers; despite working with and seemingly befriending black fellow dockworkers, Nick consistently uses the n-word, and in S2E7 gives an infamous speech to Frog, reminding them that they’re both white. Yet we also see Nick struggling to survive: living in his parents’ basement, giving money to his girlfriend when he can, and being affectionate with his daughter. He turns to crime because he can’t make enough money at his straight job. Nick Sobotka’s character is a masterful ruse to get white audience members, who may have resisted empathizing with the Barksdales, to see drug sellers as human. I also have to shout out Pablo Schreiber for being (a) very cute, (b) 6′5″, and (c) apparently very talented at playing believably nasty characters -- he won an Emmy for Orange is the New Black as George “Pornstache” Mendez, an abusive corrections officer who exacts sex from inmates in return for drugs he smuggles in. I guess post-Emmy he’s in demand, most recently playing Mad Sweeney on American Gods.

Stringer Bell Fuckboy Award: There are two options, both of them defensible. It’s either the scene where Stringer seduces Donette, or when he’s over there later playing with D’Angelo’s kid while Donette makes him dinner. Personally, I’d pick the latter. Not only are Stringer and Donette holding hands in front of D’Angelo’s son, but Stringer actually picks up the (world’s cutest) baby and bad-mouths D’Angelo to him! Classic fuckboy.

Favorite Trivia: Apparently, Lance Reddick (Cedric Daniels) hated Dominic West (Jimmy McNulty). In real life, Reddick and West are somewhat like their TV personalities -- Reddick is quieter and more reserved while West is very chatty and extraverted. In All the Pieces Matter, Reddick admitted that he found West rather annoying and avoided him outside of work.

MVP: Beadie Russell. Instrumental to the plot, growing exponentially from day-jobber in S2E1 to certified good police in S2E12, and maybe the kindest character on the show. A single mother supporting herself and two kids, it’s hard not to root for Beadie, who became a cop after realizing she couldn’t feed her family on a toll-taker’s salary. She also gets a disproportionate number of the season’s most quotable lines, from “What they need is a union” to “World just keeps turning, right?,” probably because she represents the viewer’s perspective (taking over from gone-too-soon D’Angelo Barksdale). While her weakness for McNulty will get her in trouble, I’m glad we’ll see the return of Beadie in Seasons 4 and 5.

That was fun y’all. Here’s my bracket for Season 1.

[mollyphoria]

(off my chest post.)

As soon as I turned the age of 27 last year it was like I've been awaken from a cruel false dream. I opened my eyes then boom I see 27 years of my life laid out in front of me wasted. Yes it took 27 effin years for me to wake up. I wasted all this years and now I'm suffering the consequences of not following my heart, now I'm suffering the repercussions for not realising my dreams sooner as well as pursuing them. I don't believe in myself enough to stand for what I really want so I let society dictate me. I dont love myself enough to believe that I have the capabilities to follow my dreams, luck wasn't on my side too,the odds were never in my favor. So yes I guess I blame both myself and the circumstances given to me on why I failed in life. I failed myself. Society failed me. The system failed me. Oh how I envy people who were able to realise their dreams when they were a kid. these people mostly turns out to be the successful ones in life while I'm left in shambles of not knowing what to do or having such a huge dream I knew I would never reach it. I wanted to become a supermodel but I'm not pretty and tall enough plus I'm from a country not supported by society on having supermodels. Then I wanted to be a rock star. Touring the world, playing the guitar, performing on stage. I can probably make this happen but once again I don't believe in myself and lack of support from family/society was what made this dream seem to get more impossible. I would like to pursue the arts anything from singing, dancing,writing ,painting,drawing etc but I let myself be influenced by what our society drills in my head everyday that there's no money with any of these endeavours so I never got serious to try to achieve greatness from these "useless, juvenile" dreams and plus you need God-given talent to qualify pursuing the arts and I don't have an ounce of it.

So as time goes by I continued to grow older like a dead leaf flailing around in the wind without a specific direction but downwards. But deep-rooted in my soul I knew what I wanted but I chose to stupidly ignore that little voice in my heart that tells me what to do. I to this day continue to beat myself up why I haven't even tried to listen to myself.

So what I did was to completely surrender myself to settle for a lesser,smaller dream that I could possibly reach according to the circumstances I'm handed with

I took up a course in college that I felt at the time would be something I would enjoy and easy,cheap enough to simply graduate and have that diploma just for the sake of it. When I got into the real world and became a full pledge adult for the first time ever I got hit by depression and that's when I first acknowledge that I'm not made for this at all but what I did instead of abandoning it was to try again and aim higher which is to have my own wings and to fly high in the sky and see the world. I held on to that dream. I went to school again. For a moment I had a purpose and for the first time I had direction. I thought I found myself as I try to get those wings. I thought that this will be my redemption. I made myself to believe that I'm meant to do this. I went above and beyond to achieve success. But alas I continued to be the chosen reject and once again odds weren't exactly on my favor and I have given up by the time I'm 27 years old. This is when it all crashed down on me I was chasing a dream gone dead all those years and basically wasted my youth as a result and gained nothing at the end. And I have to admit that i somewhat resent God for putting this dream to flourish in my heart but never gave me a breakthrough to even achieve it. I was left beaten and destroyed. I slaved myself away for nothing, experienced all those sufferings for nothing. I got nothing for all those sacrifices and hardwork I did. Literally all those blood,sweat and tears were for absolutely nothing at the end. I was utterly broken down,my heart was utterly crushed nothing left but broken pieces and a whirlpool of regret. If even this small, mediocre dream I settle myself for is still unattainable for me then my life is no longer worth living. I then proceed to wallow on self pity and resentment and went down to the worst depression I've ever experience in my life. Tears kept on falling like faucets in my eyes. Every streak of effort, energy, motivation ,hope left my body,mind and soul altogether. I turned ultimately dead inside. I don't have anything left in me to even pretend to continue fighting my way into this world. I can't even help myself to help myself. it's like I already died and what was left is just a hollow husk of my former self.

At 27 yrs old i went back to zero. I'm left with nothing to hope for, I didn't gain anything from all the things I went through. After Having the painful knowledge that the journey I made for myself all throughout my teenage to mid twenties is only to become of worthless dust and vomit at the end it made me inevitably bitter about life in general. I started acknowledging thoughts of dying for real. How I realized that it's better to be dead than to be alive, how I wish to have never been born at all. I missed all of these opportunities to win in life and I felt like giving up. Because Life is Suffering nothing more nothing less we will continue to suffer coz that whats life for this is the true meaning of life we are just put here to live so we can suffer and I'm not cut out for it I'm too weak to even restart again.

I realized alot of things. When I was a kid I was always looking forward to the future. I was foolishly, completely convinced that my life will get better as I get older and now that I'm older it turned out to be such a stupid thought coz life didn't get better it only gotten worse and it could only get worst from here on out.

Starting now I shouldn't hope for things to change for the better. It's dangerous to have a false hope and I swear to myself that I wouldn't let myself be fueled by false hope anymore.

And now that it's October I will turn a year older unless I cease to exist first.

I'm honestly scared of the future, now that I can see the true essence of it in its whole entirety.

At 28 I'm running out of time.

I missed the chance to get my life stable.

At 28 I'm entirely clueless on how to get my shit together and I don't even think I have the strength to improve myself. I felt like I just don't care anymore.

At 28 I should have already bought my mother a new house instead I'm stuck and rotting away in a room at her own old house.

At 28 I'm still miserable asf

Still bitter asf

Still dumb asf

Still doubtful asf

Still a loser asf

Let me discuss the thoughts I have about this song 28 of Agust D. This song single handedly describes the anxiety I feel for getting older. The fact that the age he pertained on the title of this song is 28 exactly the age I'm about to turn into soon just solidifies the strong grip it acquired to hold my heart and soul. I felt extremely lucky to turn 28 at the same year with someone as genius as him (tho his 27 international age) nevertheless I'm thankful about this.

Tho there are things that I'm honestly confuse about him having the same fears with someone like me who's a nobody without any single awards, recognitions, accolades or any kind of impact to the world, who's not loved and praised by millions nor have millions of money in my bank account, who doesn't have a big house,big cars nor big rings.

It baffles the living daylights out of me that a person like Min Yoongi who achieved so much in life would feel scared about not knowing his dreams is really about as he gets older. He basically achieved every single one of the dreams I have for myself. His overly set for life that his great great great great great grandchildren will be also set for life. His life wasn't the same like before. His life changed for the better . He earns millions of money by doing what he loves at such a young age. He simply won in life.

We are both 28 but the life I'm bestowed in is the utmost opposite of the life his bestowed in. I'm at the loser end of the spectrum while his in the winner side yet we share somewhat the same fears and anxiety about having to grow older.

This made me question if happiness is really just an illusion. well the genuine authentic euphoric kind of happiness.

Is existence all really just a one big mess with occasional ephemeral pleasure?

If a person who accomplished so much at only 28 still feels depression what's left for me then should I just go kill myself?

Alot of the reasons why I got into this level of depression is because I didn't fulfill anything Yoongi fulfilled.well I'm not really into fame so much but i hope i succeeded on not having to worry about whether I could buy a house or rent an apartment. Yoongi could buy a building for himself while I can't even afford a bedspace of my own

Yoongi could travel the whole world in a whim while I'm mostly stuck in the same place

The stark contrast of our lives is so immense I cant even get my head wrapped around it

My only dillema is that I'm afraid to die but I'm also afraid to live

It's been proven to me now that living in this world is not really living at all it's just purely surviving and I can't deal with this

I'd rather die than to be a slave to the system. And it seems like I don't even have a choice maybe to disappear is the only way out

I'm just not cut out with the cards I've been dealt with

If only I could voluntarily pull my existence out of here then I would do it in a heartbeat

I wish there is a stop button from all of these

[purplesurveys]

842

have you ever violated school dress code? My Catholic school had us on a very tight leash and we’d have to be crazy to dare to break the dress code over there. My university doesn’t have a dress code though and anyone entering the campus can dress up any way they want, which I’ve always been grateful for. if you are listening to music, is the singer male/female? They are five dudes. what, if anything, do you give up for Lent? I never observed Lent; and as much of a religious fanatic my mother is, I’m glad she never forced me to fast or abstain from something I liked. what phrase leads your mind directly to the gutter? 69, even though it’s childish. when you feel like giving up, how do you convince yourself not to? I just tell myself that things will get better because that seems to be the pattern all the time with me, which is a really good thing.

what are your opinions on immigration? I don’t know much about the issues and its intricacies but as an Asian, I really admire fellow Asians who don’t speak a word of English, end up in the States or somewhere similar and build themselves a better life there. It’s fucking metal. would you tell an actual immigrant your views? Sure, if the topic is raised. what was the subject of the last list you made? There was a tweet asking people to list down which YouTubers practically ~raised them~ growing up, so I joined in the fun and gave my own names. If I remember correctly I listed down Pewdiepie, Smosh, Grace Helbig, Hannah Hart, and the entire Brit crew. do you ever get nervous before interviews/important meetings? Only if it’s supposed to be crucial. Like I imagine I’d be sweating bullets for my first job interview. who pays for the majority of your belongings? My parents. would you ever willingly shop in a thrift store? Of course. There are always some great finds in them. what is the most that you would ever spend on an outfit? Assuming I’m earning my own money, I’m willing to spend around ₱5000 to ₱10,000 on a top or bottom but I can widen my wallet a lot more if we’re talking shoes, because I like them more haha. is there anything you do that just outrages your parents? I know my mom hates it whenever she pulls us for online mass and I visibly grumble. I don’t know if my dad is annoyed with anything I do; and if he feels that way he’ll tell me. I respect him a lot more so if that’s the case, I’ll actually stop whatever it is I’m doing. when was the last time you were embarrassed in public? Probably when I was brought to the hospital a month ago and the nurse was explaining to me how to take a urine test.  have you ever won an award you were actually proud of? If Latin honors count, then yes. That was my only goal when I started college, and I reached it, so I’m allowing myself to be proud of, well, myself. the importance of education, rate it from 1-10, 10 as most important? 12. --- explain your choice to rate it as such? It’s different when you come from a third-world country. Education is realistically your only way out. what is the coolest science experiment you've ever done? I liked the ones that we did that involved chemicals and powders. are you experiencing difficulties with any friends right now? Not really. There’s a chance JM has been irritated with me because I always turn really grumpy when he messages me about work stuff, but if he is, at this point I don’t really care anymore because I’ve been detached from org work for a while now. I busted my ass for the org for three years so I think I’m entitled to feel detached now haha. how do you deal with a fight between yourself and a friend? I haven’t been in an argument with one of them in a while but I would prefer to talk it out. when you apologize to someone after a fight, how do you go about saying that you are sorry? I apologize and I mention the thing I did that they were hurt by, so that they feel acknowledged. In the end, I tell them that I’ll be better and if there’s anything I can do to make them feel better or to make the situation better, that they shouldn’t hesitate to let me know. have you ever played around with "dry ice"? No. Isn’t that dangerous lol? do you think parents are responsible for the actions of their children? For the most part, yes. But I know there are still some instances where parents can try and try to be understanding and be the best influences, but their kids will still end up going down the wrong path. There isn’t one answer to this, I think. should the military draft take both men AND women? why/why not? I don’t know, it’s a little complicated. I’m definitely all about equality and providing the same opportunities for men and women, but I know there’s a lot of issues on sexual harassment and assault in the military that have yet to be fixed. Until that’s ironed out and I hear change taking place, it seems a little shady to randomly pick out women to join the military.  when was the last time that you corrected someone? My mom had a grammatical error in her Facebook post from yesterday so I told her what the right word to use was. when was the last time you were corrected? I set the table for breakfast today and apparently it wasn’t enough for my mom, who liked her plate to be set in a certain way. when did you last say "i told you so"? Maybe when Kate told me she had broken up with the guy she was having a thing with, lol. is there any celebrity you like to "keep up with"? Not really. I think I’m over that phase now. I’ll check up my faves from time to time, but otherwise I don’t feel the need to read daily updates on them anymore. celebrity gossip: YAY or BOO? Yay if it has substance or if it’s controversial, like a celebrity being exposed for sexual harassment; boo if it’s something stupid like “Kendall Jenner spotted eating pasta today.” what is the most life-changing book you have read? I haven’t encountered it yet. have you had a negative impact on anyone's life? I would say so. I wasn’t always the nicest kid; and I also did a shitty job handling my friendship with Sofie when we were off to college. has anyone had a negative impact on yours? who/why? Yeah. Some relatives, some teachers who didn’t know how to act like teachers, and some people I distinctly remember that bullied me when I was a kid. how will you know when you are ready to get married? I guess when I’m no longer nervous thinking about it and when I’m already 100% sure that I’m independent and capable of looking out for myself. I don’t wanna be married and still be slightly dependent on my parents, which is what a lot of young Filipino married couples end up doing. how much time have you spent contemplating your own death? A very, very good amount. is there a joke that you just can't stand? Ones that you just can’t defend and are just simply offensive, like slavery or poverty. I’ve seen a few shows where they’d refer to the Philippines being poor or being a source of child labor for laughs, and they’ve never been funny to me. have you ever read any self-help books? No, I don’t really trust those lol since they’re usually written by people from other countries who most likely have different experiences and perspectives. If I need some help I’d rather figure it out myself and hear from people that I trust, like my friends. what's your take on the obesity problem in america? It’s a serious problem, obviously. I don’t know much about it other than the fact that Americans are crazy about their fast food and that their serving sizes are ginormous. I really hope they find more ways to address it. what is something you used to love, but now greatly dislike? Journalism. what is something you used to dislike, but now like? Chicken curry, and I think spicy food in general haha. when/if you become a parent, what will you do differently, compared to how your parents raised you? I’ll be more involved. I’ll compliment them more, not invalidate their feelings, and I’ll let them talk when I do something that upsets them, and I’ll apologize to them for it.

do you equate spanking with physical abuse? would you spank a child? The way Filipino parents do it, yeah especially. They don’t just do it with their hands - spanking kids here usually involve slippers and belts. My mom forbade anyone to spank me and my siblings, but nonetheless I watched it happen to my cousins and that alone was traumatic enough for me. How much more for them?

The thing is that it can’t be assumed that kids are able to process why they’re being punished, so I think that any physical punishment to them will just drive them away from their parents, which to me makes it physical abuse. I would never spank my own kids. what's the most ridiculous thing you've done this week? Skipping out the rest of my shower because a moth came into the bathroom and started flying around me lmaoooo eugh. --- did you regret it/love it/hate it/want to do it again/etc? I fucking hated it. if your bf/gf wanted to wait until marriage for sex, would you be willing? Yes. Sex honestly isn’t really a big deal to me. when you look at the sunset, what do you think about/feel? I don’t really think when I look at the sunset. I just admire how pretty it looks and savor the quick few seconds of the sun going down. is there someone you wish you could trust/you wish was trustworthy? No? I don’t wait on people to be trustworthy, if that’s what you mean. I’m grateful for the people who are already around me that I can trust. is there anyone that you no longer want in you life? who/why? There are times I wish I could get rid of my mom so that I don’t get yelled at as much anymore and so that I don’t have anyone watching my every move so much so that I’m cautious to walk around in my own house.

how has your outlook on life changed in the past few years? I’m a lot happier and more stable this time around. I’m glad I stayed around to see the change happen. have you ever walked out of a boring movie (in theaters)? Absolutely not. Even if the movie was bad, I’d watch it through the end. Ticket prices are not to be fucked with lol. how open are you with people you know online? ...What do you think? what do you think of athletes that take steroids? Idk about other sports but that’s a big fuck no in wrestling, after it’s led to addiction, overdoses, and a lot of deaths especially in the 80s and 90s. if a celebrity is involved in scandal after scandal, is that likely to affect how you view him/her & his/her work? Depends on the scandal. I don’t mind when nudes or videos get leaked because honestly, the leakers are the assholes in that situation. But if the scandal is something like people speaking out to accuse a celebrity of racism, abuse, or harassment, then I can very much turn against that person. what is one celebrity that you have zero respect for? Amber Heard. have you ever driven under the influence of alcohol/drugs? Just slightly tipsy, but I’ve always made sure that I’m super super super aware of my surroundings in those times. I won’t drive – and I know my friends won’t allow me to – if I was even just a little dizzy. I’m always the first to start sobering up when I go out to drink because I’m usually the only one with a car and thus responsible for bringing my friends home. are you overly attached to your material possessions? For the most part, yeah. have you ever ridiculed anyone for their clothing choices? Not to their faces. living in poverty: what do you think it'd be like? I already live in a country wallowing in it. My family isn’t poor, but I see poverty on a daily basis nonetheless. No documentary or article can best explain it to anyone who has never lived in a poverty-stricken country. Pretty insensitive question btw. what is one "diet" that you think is just utterly worthless? I’m not familiar with any of them. what advice would you give someone that is uncomfortable with his or her body/appearance? I prefer not to give advice because some people don’t wanna hear it and just wanna hear reassurances and boosters. That said, I’ll just keep encouraging them and telling them that they look really good in their outfit and just making them feel valid and seen. what advice would you give someone about to start high school? Don’t be scared to make mistakes and while you should always study hard and do your best, don’t take everything seriously. It’s high school and won’t matter on your professional resume.   what foreign food are you NOT interested in trying? Uhhhh this question makes no sense to me ahahaha I’m always down to try anything. what foreign country do you believe is misunderstood? I can’t speak for other countries but I know mine is pretty misunderstood. I’ve read countless testimonies of Filipinos getting condescendingly told “You speak good English for a Filipino” by white Americans, not knowing that their country conquered mine for 40ish years. That’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to misconceptons about my country and its people.    have you ever felt entirely unwanted and alone? Of course. in your eyes, which is worse: rape or murder? Both are equally bad and disgusting but I’ll have to go with rape, because 1) the victim has to live with the trauma and fear for the rest of their life, 2) victims are usually too scared to speak out for fear of being judged or not being believed, and 3) victim-blaming is still a big problem today. do you understand/read shakespeare? No. When we took up Shakespeare in high school I bought the No Fear versions. would you feel comfortable living with someone that owned a gun? No. do you know anyone that lives in a foreign country? Tons.

[hanybanani]

𝑀𝓎 𝒹𝒶𝒾𝓁𝓎 𝒹𝑜𝓈𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝓅𝒽𝒾𝓁𝑜𝓈𝑜𝓅𝒽𝓎

First of all, what is philosophy and how does it help us? Philosophy is the study of existence and reality, it helps us develop our critical thinking and makes our lives easier in terms of making better decisions and choices in life. 

Have you ever wondered how to make good choices in life?  Of course,  you would want to keep heading into the direction you want and not fall into a spiral of stress and despair. Now, as teenagers, even adults, many of us wondered about our lives, like what is our purpose, some people think they don’t have a purpose. What is success and how will you achieve it, what is good and what is bad, or how should we treat one another, ect. 

Philosophy gives us ethics. It involves “systematizing, defending, and recommending concepts of right and wrong behavior". Growing up, we often face choices, there are times when we are indecisive in life and you realize you are responsible as you set an example.

 Philosophy  in Greek means “the love of wisdom” or “the pursuit of wisdom”, and I think making mistakes can be turned into a valuable lesson to a person. Why do I think this? Well, as Albert Einstein said, “ Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new”. My philosophy in making mistakes is that it teaches us to clarify what we really want, it is a fundamental part for every understanding, advancement, and development. The correct exists because of the fault and this is what makes us human. Men is prone to error and develops, but that depends on how one responds to the error. 

Philosophy has been around since the 6th century, without it, everything we have now wouldn’t exist. We wouldn’t have freedom to have our own opinion, values, nor have equality. It helps us approach into making policies, make rational suggestions into shaping society to become better. Philosophy helps students acquire a knowledge of those ideas and its origins. Philosophy also influence teaching, and even leadership. 

Science and philosophy are pretty similar when it comes to finding out what is reality. The difference is that science is all about the natural phenomena and philosophy is understanding the nature of man and our existence. I personally think that philosophy can lead to innovation, giving fantastical inspiration to create new ideas for creating innovative solutions. 

The Noble Eight-fold Path

I’m not Buddhist but reading the Eight-fold Path helps to become calmer and be more at peace knowing what to do in times of distress, if you want to follow the Eight Fold Path  It’s a good thing to remember that it’s important to be ethical in word and in deed, and thought. To be kind to others, and being positive as much as possible and be respectful and moral person. Remembering those will surely help you to be peaceful in your mind and to everyone around you and will not let you suffer as a bitter person. Having peace within oneself makes you have the right understanding, the right intent, the right speech, right mindfulness, concentration, following all of these creates a harmony in oneself. I have learned that when you’re compassionate towards others and treat them right, you get a reward too, and it also feels good to do something good to others and they will be kind to you as well. 

Treating others the right way is good for the mental health and well being, it can reduce the stress and improve our mood and also self-esteem and of course, it makes us happy. Doing good deeds does not need much time or costs money like when listening to your friends without judgement and focus on what they need.  

Ecocentric  model  and  evaluate  personal  views  and attitudes toward nature

The environment that God has given us is truly beautiful, the air we breathe, the land we walk on and the plants and animals that live among humans are made carefully. All lives are equal to existence and ecocentrism is a pathway to  a sustainable living. Man is made to dominate the Earth and take care of it. Ecocentrism is the reason why we value the environment we live in. Life relies on geological processes and has been worldview and many countries speak about folklore. An ecocentric view holds the planet’s ecology and ecosystems, the the lives of humans, animals, the creatures the lives in the depths of the sea and all life forms. I think that we should continue to take care of our surroundings for the future generation, to look at the world with love of nature, will give the children of the future a wonderful Earth that they could still live on. With all the buidings that are being built, the trees that are being cut and the amount of garbage that is being thrown to the ocean should be reduced and think about the other living things that will suffer from the greediness of mankind. 

We should reduce, reuse, recycle to save that dying animals and reduce the pollution in the air that we breathe for the sake of the children and the children of their children. We must protect and value the things that were made to sustain life even if they cannot be used by humans as resources. 

Marcos Batas Militar

How can reason be translated into action?

An individual’s speech makes sense based on logic and facts and can be turned into action when the individual starts to act upon his visions logically and comfortably 

If there were no intellect, there would be no will. Explain.

You cannot accomplish anything without intelligence or without any practical plan, thus there is no will if you do not know how to make ends meet. 

What is a social contract and how is it reflected in the EDSA Revolution?

An agreement from the members of society. The law is reflected in the people by making an agreement.

Was freedom denied during the Martial Law? Was there free choice within the Filipino people? 

People could not go outside their houses and speak about the government or they will get killed. There was no freedom for the people who denied the Martial Law  and there was no free choice. 

How do you think this is similar and/or different from the colonization of the Philippines from the hands of the Spanish, American, and Japanese?

The Spanish people colonized the Philippines under military and religious supremacy while the Philippines is an instrument for WWII for the Japanese. America desires for opportunities that will benefit their own country and to have power over the islands from other countries, it is somehow similar to the Marcos martial law where the authority or people with access to firearms disregards the safety and needs of the people for their own benefit. 

How do you think this is similar and/or different from today’s events in the Philippines?

The events regarding for covid-19 are similar but different as people are required to stay home for their own health but similar to martial law as the media sensualize the virus to which it makes people afraid and scared, but according to a doctor in Europe, covid-19 is just like any other flu. 

My mother likes listening to classic music and because of my mother, I know about Andrea Bocelli. His music is comforting and his voice is beautiful. Andrea Bocelli is a knows as a great music artist that inspires many people around the globe. When he was still in his mother’s womb, the doctor advised his parents to abort him because him might have a disability, his mother, however opposed the advice the doctor gave and gave birth to him and when he was born he did have many issues with his sight and was diagnosed with congenital glauoma. As a young boy, Bocelli had a passion for music even with his disability, it did not stop him from playing the piano and other instruments and to be a great singer and won countless awards. He is a good model for young kids with disabilities to never stop hoping and dream big.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ

 25-year life plan. 

Firsly, I want to develop my skills in arts and be able to try out and learn digital drawing since it looks super cool and fun to do and be able to do animations because I wanted to do that as a kid. When it comes to career, I want to get a good job in  software technology and be able to create applications and games  that would help many people in their daily lives and also have fun. But before I achieve all that, education is important.My plan is to get to graduate college, I want to expand my knowledge in computer programming.

I want to be able to contribute to my family, and support them with their needs, and show them love as much as possible so I guess having a decent stable job would allow me to be helpful to the family. My financial plan would be saving as much to start a business  and  also giving to charity. In life, you can’t always just be working and working, sometimes looking after yourself is more important as well, being healthy and to excercise more and eat healthy food in order to achieve your goals. Working hard and looking after yourself can take you to places and for pleasure, I would like to do my bucket list like to be able to travel and see places, to be part of an organization helping citizens and the environment, giving to charity and to meet new people and learn from them. I think this is most people’s common life plan, its a dream and a plan, but don’t call it a dream, call it a plan, make it a goal and thrive big.  

[jokerfan99]

You're useless... (RWBY/RVB) by Necroceph

*RVB Opening Theme*

'Room 18-13'.

Ruby looks up and sees the exact same number as written on her keycard. Though she's ready to enter her dormitory, she still however too hesitant to enter for she's not the only one to be sleeping in there. She's been told that there will be three other recruits staying with her and not just as roommates, they'll be her teammates for the rest of her time here! Oh no, she says to herself in that little head of hers but regardless she still has the confidence to enter. She swipes her card over the scanner on the door and the metal slab slides into the walls, revealing the room inside. The room is of decent size enough for four people, with two bunk beds at both ends of the room and the walls' color aren't as bland as she thought. Ruby is intrigue at the sight as she enters, for a military academy like this the dorm room here is quite homey.

Ruby: Wow this place looks kinda nAAAAAAIIIICCEE!!! OW!

Ruby accidentally trips on the floor when one of her legs hit something on the way. She turns to see what she had tripped on and examines what appears to be three fallen luggage bags placed near the door's entryway. Who's bag's are these?!

???: Hey, watch where you're going!

A voice next to her caught her attention. She turned to see an older girl, probably two years older than her, with white hair and blue eyes

Ruby: Sorry! ???: Sorry? Do you have any idea the damage you could've cause!

The girl grabs the suitcase and opens it, revealing the contents inside to be books about military strategy, gun parts and... a colored rock inside a capsule?

???: The rest of these can handle, but this one is an exception! Inside contains a raw element. One crack of this would result in a less-lethal but messy explosion! Ruby: Sorry, I didn't mean to uhm... Weiss: Schnee. Weiss Schnee. A name I'm sure you'll know well! Ruby: Never heard of it. Weiss: What? You know, 'Schnee'? Schnee Finery Company? Ruby: Doesn't ring a bell. Weiss: Lord almighty... just help me get this stuff out of the way. The next thing I wouldn't want is another dope tripping on them. Ruby: Okay okay. By the way, since you're in this room, does that make you my teammate? Weiss: Hmph, I guess so. Ruby: Oh, well. Name's Ruby Rose! It's nice to meet you partner. Weiss: Partner? Please, we just met a few seconds ago. Ruby: Aww, don't be such an ice queen! Even if we're in a military academy, that doesn't mean we have to act cold around each other. You, me and the other two members, I think we'll have a lot fun time here together, AS A TEAM! Weiss: My you're an optimistic one. Ruby: Hey, my mom told me to look on the brighter side of life! Weiss: I wish my mom were like yours __________________

???: For the bravery of their actions for averting last night's terrorist assault, the Vale military academy has decided to award these fine women with the official Jaded Medal of Honor.

Ruby can barely hold the excitement as the academy's High Adviser wraps the medal around her neck. She wants to give him a tight hug, but that would be embarrassing since she's now on live TV. Best not to make the academy a laughing stock. The Adviser moves to the next recipient beside her and if it wasn't for her, she wouldn't be alive to have a medal herself. As always, Weiss kept herself composed as she receives the medal before turning her head to her partner with a smile and nod to her.

Weiss: Excited? (whisper) Ruby: Are you kidding?! This is one of the best medals in the academy, EEEEEE! This is the best day of our lives! I can't wait to tell dad!(whisper) Weiss: Good to see that you're happy. Ruby: Aren't you excited? Weiss: Why would I? I got about a hundred medals back at Atlas. Ruby: GASP! Cool! How did you get them? Weiss: I'll tell you once this ceremony's over. Hey, remember what you said about a year ago. You said we can go through this together as a team. When you said that, I was skeptical at first but now, it looks like you're right all along. Ruby: Looks like the good old 'Ice Queen' has her heart thawed out. ???: YAAAAHOOOOO!!! Weiss: Oh for the love of... Yang, we're on live TV now, you bruising afflicting dunce! Ruby: Eh... a bit thawed out. ???: Before we close this ceremony, the leader has something say. Miss Rose?

Her heart skipped. What did he just say? She thought they were here to get the medals but she wasn't told that she needed to make a speech! Dear God, why?

Ruby: I wasn't told I had to make a speech! I haven't written anything! (still whispering) Weiss: What do you think, it's Ozpin! He always makes people do something they can't do! Ruby: What do I say, what do I say? Weiss: Anything as long as it fits the subject! Aha! I got something for you.

Weiss started whispering something to her that may help. She makes it quick to not test everyone's patience but it should be enough for her.

Ruby: Hey that'll do, thanks! Weiss: Go give em hell and try not to stutter. __________________

A date?! Ridiculous! This is just a walk with Weiss, yeah that's right, a plain old walk with your own best friend. Nothing else! Although, she does feel a bit warmhearted when she's close to her. Friendzone anyone? As they reach the center of the park, Ruby notice something's up with Weiss' tone. Usually she hears the shrill rich girl voice of hers, now a tamed yet concerned.

Ruby: What's up? Weiss: Wha- oh it's nothing. It's just that time flies so fast. We've already reached our second year and in about three more months we'll be graduated. Ruby: Yeah, it's kinda sad that we'll have to go on our separate ways. But hey at least we did a lot of things together. Fighting Sangheili pirates, kicking insurrectionist butts and most time favorite of all is winning the Vytal Games! Well, Pyrrha's the one that helped us won. Ahh, those are good times. Weiss: So what's your plan after graduation? Ruby: I'm not sure. But I am planning to volunteer into the Intergalactic Aid and Hope group with Yang, just like mom and dad. I want to protect anyone those in need of help, regardless of their nationality. Weiss: A humanitarian PMC company, huh? I think that position fits you well. For me, I'm planning to join the Atlesian army. Ruby: Of course you are. You're an Atlesian! Though I'm not sure it's really the best choice right now. Weiss: What do you mean? Ruby: I mean have you heard the state your home military is in? I heard the soldiers there have turned from noble protectors of Atlas, to jingoistic military fascists! Overprotective against non-Atlesians, committing questionable acts that they considered to be justifiable and recently I heard they let your own class to manipulate them just for the sake of more payment! Weiss: And that's exactly why I want to enter. Ruby: What?! You want to be like everyone else there? Weiss: No, I wish to clean it. I'm fully aware of what's happening there and I have to say, this brings shame to my planet! Can't believe it still hasn't gone AWOL or worse! If I enlist there and try raising up in the ranks, I'll try to clean it up till there's not a single stain of corruption in it. Ruby: You sure it's really bigger than Vale's military. Weiss: Well I don't care how big it is, but I'll do whatever it take to bring the military back to it's former glory. Even if it'll take me a hundred years, or a thousand years. I promised myself to never give up and fulfill that dream.

Ruby wraps her arms around Weiss, clinging her tightly from behind.

Weiss: HEY! Ruby: That's amazing! Can't wait to see you clean up the military! And once you do, you might end up being Atlas' academy's high adviser! Weiss: Heh, you totally are a dope, aren't you? __________________

How could she? She just left them while she ran away. Upon meeting her, she doesn't feel happy, sad. No. She was angry and disappointed at the women she once fought together as a friend, now betrayer. She called out her name, but didn't come.

Ruby: Where were you? Why did you leave when we needed you! Weiss: I did what I was ordered to! If I stayed, we would've lost everything! And what were you doing back there? You were supposed to keep the enemy back at bay before reinforcements arrive! Now we lost the entire base because you had to rescue everyone! Ruby: Everyone was dying! Weiss: That's what being a soldier IS ALL ABOUT! Ruby: And what about you?! We made an oath to fight side by side, no matter the situation! Now Yang's dying and Blake's in a mental mess! Do you really care about your team or JUST YOUR STUPID CAREER?! Weiss: YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH, ROSE! STOP BEING SUCH AN UNDISCIPLINED BRAT! Ruby: AND STOP RUNNING AWAY LIKE A COWARDLY DESERTER! Weiss: THAT'S IT! IF YOU DON'T LIKE FACING THE REALITIES OF WAR, THEN JUST QUIT BEING A SOLDIER! Ruby: I DON'T CARE CAUSE YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ONE! WE'RE DONE HERE! Weiss:... Ruby:... Weiss: You're useless. __________________

At the Red Base, Ruby Rose's Room

Her bright silver eyes instantly opened. She screamed at the top of her lungs as she sprang herself up from the pillow where her head was resting on. Air, she needs air! She's now having a hard time to breathe right now as the dream experience she just went through was too much for her. Prepared, Donut reached out for her as if to try to calm her down. Wow, talk about a nightmare, Donut thought to himself

Donut: Wow wow! Ruby Ruby! Take it easy there! Wooh, you must have some nightmare. Glad you didn't fall off from the bed.

Ruby looks around her surroundings. She's in her room and for the sake of her rest, the lights are off aside from the table lamp next to her bed. On the wall across her room, the clock reads; 10:37PM. I've been unconscious for the whole day! she thought. As she tries to recall the events that happened just now, she felt the wetness in her eyes, as if tears had flowed on them. Dad she been crying in her sleep? Could be.

Ruby: D-Donut? Where am I, and what happened? Donut: Remember that stink formula we used for the Blues? Yeah you kinda puked out and fainted at the same time once you smelled it. And it's good thing you didn't suffocate from our stench once we brought you back here. Ruby: Oh that's a relief. Good thing you guys were around... waaaaaaiiiiitt, you guys carried me? Donut: Yep! Ruby: While you guys were covered... in... the... the...

Oh dear.

Ruby: EEEEEWWWW!!! GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS!!! EEWWW!!! Donut: Hey hey hey, there's nothing to get worry about! We carried you here with a sheet of tarp plus we made sure not to touch you.

Ruby smells herself (just in case) and to her relief she doesn't smell like rotten eggs. And speaking of the stench, why didn't she smell any it from Donut? Donut was covered in the stuff with the rest of the Reds! She looks at him closely, and noticed Donut's armor has somewhat became sparkly clean and the stench isn't on him anymore, though why does he smell like... gasoline?

Ruby: Donut, have you been massaging yourself with oil again? Donut: Oh that? Nah I just applied gasoline all over my armor. After we brought you back to your room, we started thinking of how to get the stench off our armors. We manage to get the yucky green stuff out but the smell still stick. PEE-YEW, Simmons wasn't kidding about how hard this stuff comes out! At first, Sarge thought of burning our armors for a week would get the smell away and he was like; 'Gentlemen, we are going NAKED! I don't care what nature has prepared for us, but we human beings are the most highly adaptable species in the galaxy! Bring it on mother nature! Ruby: *shiver* Don't tell me you guys- Donut: We were about to until something of a miracle happened. While Sarge was lecturing, Grif was resting on this barrel full of gasoline when all the sudden he slipped, causing the stuff inside to spill all over him. When he got up, the fall cause his helmet to go off by the way, he didn't pass out once he took a sniff on himself. For whatever reason the gasoline got rid of it, well more likely smother it than neutralizing it completely, Simmons theorized. But hey at least that solved our garbage problem. Although fragrance oil would do more better. Sarge: Aaahh! Look's like my favorite sniper of the year's awake!

And here's our favorite jingoistic leader of Red team entering through the door.

Sarge: How ya feelin'? Ruby: I'm feeling a bit better. Though I could use a snack. And please no military cookies! They're getting gross the more I keep eating them. Sarge: Not to worry. While you were asleep I opened up Grif's stomach to collect those oreos inside him just for you. Though they're a bit digested like a gum under a boot but I'm sure they're still eatable. Ruby: Uhm... no thanks! I'm not hungry right now. Hahaha! Sarge: Plus I'm decreasing your work shift tomorrow as another reward for that beautiful hand to hand combat you pulled off back there. Sniff. Reminds me of my young and violent childhood! Ruby: The what? Sarge: The fight! That uppercut you made was a marvel to behold. Ha! It reminded the time with Grif who I once had the liberty to uppercut him till he flips around like a freshly prepared Texan V meat patty! With extra fat of course. and a lot of mustard. Grif behind the door: I heard that and I'm not fat! Simmons behind the door: Yes you are, fatass. Ruby: When did that happened? Donut: A year ago during Sarge's Birthday BBQ party. Grif finished up the BBQ sauce. Sarge: The fight would've gone a lot better if those three morons hadn't interfered! Donut: Sorry! Sarge: But anyways, that was still one heck of a fight. Though there's something that's been bothering me lately.

Sarge brings his visor close to her face. It's as though if he's trying to examine her facial expression. This kinda make Ruby uncomfortable with Sarge being so close to her, as though if she's hiding something.

Sarge: You seem to know her, private! Ruby: Who? Sarge: Don't you remember? The Blue you just fought! The one with the white hair, the blue eyes. You cried out what seems to be her na- GREAT CRANBERRY SANDWICHES!!!

Sarge and Donut quickly ducked to the floor to dodge a large and sharp object flying pass above their heads, following a loud "CHING" behind. They stand back up and turned around to see Crescent Rose's blade pierced deep through the concrete wall, before turning back to Ruby, who is now standing on the bed with the same however tamed angry expression.

Ruby: Know her? KNOW HER?! GRRRRRR!!!! That backstabbing rich kid! I can't believe she's here in Blood Gulch and also working for the Blues! The last time we met should've been the last! GRRRRR!!! I WANNA SPLIT THAT FIRST CLASS HEAD OF HERS RIGHT NOW!!! Sarge: By my jumpin' jackal opes, she's out of control again! Donut: Ruby, calm down. We wouldn't want another Blue base massacre, do we? Ruby: WHAT...ohh. Oh my God, I'm so sorry! Sooooo sorry!

Embarrased, she get downs from the bed and removes Crescent Rose off the wall.

Ruby:  Sigh... yes I know her. Donut: Aaaaahhh. So you do know her. That kinda makes sense since the way you two called out each other's names was mind boggling, and as it turns out you knew each other. Though your relationship is somewhat hostile. Sarge: She's a Blue scumbag! That's what! Ruby: No it's not that she's Blue, it's... just our past is rather... uhm... shall we say complicated. Sarge: Complicated huh? Might not by as complicated like our time during the O'Malley incident. Ruby: You guys want the short or long story? Sarge: As long as I know the details but make it short. Ruby: Right. It was about six years ago, before I enlisted into the Red army. I was studying in this military academy back at my home planet. Did I told you guys about my home planet? Donut: Not exactly. Ruby: You should! You're gonna love it there! Sarge: Ahem! Ruby: Right, sorry! During my first day there, I met this girl. She was a literal ice queen, not just cool blooded and all, she's literally born on an ice planet! And the very same girl you guys saw me fight this afternoon. Her name was Weiss Schnee. Donut: I see how this is going. You two must've been bitter rivals. Ruby: Not exactly. She would've been if we weren't assigned as partners in a team of four. Sarge: Partner? Well that isn't so...THAT'S ALBINO WAS YOUR PARTNER?!?! Great Caesar's toast! Ruby: Heyheyhey, don't get all freaked out like that! This was before I join Red after all. At first we never liked each other. But as I got to know her more, she's actually a sweet girl from the inside. We trained together, studied together, always watch at each other's back. So much as so that we became... don't freak out again please... friends. Except is didn't last very long. Donut: Aww that's so sweet! But then when did you guys ended up hating each other? Ruby: Shortly before graduation, we were... we...

Unknown to Sarge and Donut, Ruby began to remember memories of her past, very bad ones. The painful memories that were supposed to be buried deep in her subconscious are now resurfacing back more further ever since she saw Weiss again for a very long time. The gunfire, the screaming, the destruction, all slowly coming back to her. They're too much for her that she couldn't mutter another word.

Ruby: Goddarnnit. I can't! Sarge: Dagnabbit, the oil must be wearing off. I'll be back. Ruby: No it's not that! It's ... ugh... I've been through a lot of thing's before I came here and they're not very pleasant. Thinking about it make my head hurts, not just that my heart too. The things I saw back then, you guys were lucky you weren't there. Sarge: Hmm... what did hap-. Donut: Sarge, I think that's about it for Rose. Ooooookay... if it's too much to talk about then how about just tell what she did then. Should be enough to understand. Ruby: Sure, that's okay. What she did to me last time, it's something that'll make you wanna wrap your hands around her scrawny neck. AND THEN RIP OF HER... sorry! Lost control again. Sarge: And that is? Ruby: She left me... to die. Sarge:... Ruby... Sarge... Ruby:... Uhm... Sarge? Sarge: DANCING CHICKEN HEADS ON A CHOPPING BOARD! She did that?! Dear God, I've never heard of such an act of cowardice in my life! Desertion is the number one cardinal sin in any army! Except for those cowardly conscripted Blues by the way. And to think that she left you to die just sickens me more! Badder than the time Grif slept on the warthog with cheeze fingers everywhere on the dashboard! Ruby: You have no idea. And because of that, I won't forgive her! Even after death, I still won't forgive her! HMPH!!! Sarge: Well you're right about hating her. Keep on going. Now what time is it right now? Donut. Donut: Uhh... 10:41PM, sir. Sarge: Suffer catfishes, it's late. We better to get some shut eye now, you too! Don't forget we still got a war to go on tomorrow! Ruby: Yessir. Donut: Oh and by the way, if you are comfortable to tell us the whole thing, feel free to ask.

Sarge and Donut leaves Ruby to let her rest more and to get some shut eye too. With them gone, she drops her head back on the pillow. As she closes eyes, an image of Weiss suddenly flashed in her thoughts. She angrily groaned and tries to think of something else to get the image out, a plate of cookies, and it worked. Until another mental image of Weiss shows up. This is gonna take some time.

Ruby: Grunt... if only I hadn't met her in the first place. I'm gonna make her pay for what she did.

At the warthog garage

Shortly after visiting Ruby, Sarge gathers everyone to the garage to brief them about his talk with Ruby.

Grif: Ow ow ow! Simmons: Oh come on! Those anti pain drugs should be enough. Grif: Are you kidding me. Sarge turned my stomach into a jigsaw puzzle! Sarge: Shut it! Gentlemen, I have gathered you all here to give you further information on our sniper. As it turns out, she knew the albino and to make the news more gut wrenching... Grif: Really? Sarge:... she was her best friend. Simmons: What?! Lopez: Escandaloso. Grif: She's actually a double agent? Now that revealed, I'll get the shovel. Sarge: Bury her and I'll trap you in the cavern till your stomach's hollow like a squeezed out sugarcane! Now I didn't say she's actually one! Just hope not. But I can assure she's still on our side. Simmons: Speaking of friends, they don't seem to be happy when they first saw each other. Donut: That's because Weiss abandoned her. Grif and Simmons: What? Lopez: ¿Qué? Grif: Wait, who's Weiss? Donut: Remember the white haired girl we saw this evening. Grif: You mean that new Blue bitch who kept whipping us weeks ago? Damn I wanna give her a taste of her own medicine! Donut: Still I like that hair of hers, it's shiny and smooth looking! Simmons: So what happened between them? Donut:  Well the part of her abandoning her we know about, but she doesn't want to talk about the whole details. Whatever it is that made her refuse to talk, must've been pretty terrifying to talk about. But I'm sure she'll tell us later. Simmons: Hmm, I doubt she'll talk. People suffering from PTSD usually keep their past to themselves. Donut: Come again? Simmons: Post traumatic stress disorder. It's a mental disorder that can develop after a person is exposed to some traumatic event, usually sexual assault, warfare, traffic collisions, or other threats on a person's life. Can't believe Command would allow someone suffering in that condition to join the army. Grif: Yeah we know what that means, smart-ass. You don't have to remind us. Then that would explain why Ruby narrowly liquidfied us! Simmons: Or maybe she just too possessive around her stuff. Grif: Whatever it's the same! Sarge: Hehe! I would like to see that! Anyways, let's get back to our rooms. Can't have anyone sleeping during duty tomorrow. I'm looking at you Grif. And maybe tomorrow I might ask Command if I can burrow Rose's personal files to see what's her whole story with that Blue. Donut: Are you sure? I don't think Ruby would allow that. Sarge: Sorry but I gotta fill in this enemy called curiosity. And as long as I'm commanding officer here, she won't mind.

Deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/necroceph

[gwenbrightly]

One Does Not Simply Jump Overboard

aka the long awaited Of Milk and Cookies Chapter 14 

Lloyd was pretty sure that if there was an award for totally reckless bravery in near-death situations, Zane had just won it. He'd felt his heart drop when the nindroid dove overboard into the frothy ocean below, the dangers of losing a teammate (no, a brother) before they even made it to the Dark Island to confront his father suddenly very real. And this realization terrified him. His inner monolog of oh no, oh no, oh heck no had lasted way too long before he'd finally sighted the master of ice arriving safely back on the deck of the Bounty again. He was pretty sure Zane had no idea how not okay they would have been if he hadn't ultimately reappeared. Lloyd was barely holding himself together without this reminder that his adoptive family of awkward teenagers might not make it through this in one piece. It had been easy to channel his inner Kai while they were back in ninjago and act all cocky and confident, like nothing was wrong. But the farther from home they traveled, the less sure of himself, or their mission, he felt. The fact that he still wasn't used to his mother's somewhat smothering presence wasn't helping. She was obviously trying, but her efforts couldn't erase years of absence overnight (a fact he sometimes wondered if she realized). He wasn't oblivious to the dark looks Kai and Nya had been shooting Misako whenever they felt she was overstepping unstated boundaries, either. If only their reunion could have been like Zane and Doctor Julien's...

"So," Nya said, interrupting his thoughts as she finally managed to figure out where Lloyd had hidden himself away after dinner, "Today was kinda a lot, huh?"

He grinned wearily at her as she joined him in the little tent he'd scrapped together where the sloped roof of the Bounty flattened into a platform like surface.

"Yeah. Just, just a little." the blonde agreed. He looked out over the darkening expanse of ocean, not quite sure what else to say. They sat there in silence, enjoying the temporary peace.

"I, uh, just wanted to check on you. Make sure you weren't too furious with Zane for almost getting himself killed out there today." she explained, eventually, before wrapping herself in a spare blanket. Nya's ability to sense when he needed someone to talk to never failed to amaze him.

"Oh." Lloyd replied softly, "I – yeah… that was… How does he do it?"

"Do what?" Nya asked.

"Just jump right into helping people, without worrying about his own wellbeing?" he clarified.

"He's Zane, built to protect those who can't protect themselves. It's just who he is. I'm not even sure he realized jumping into the ocean to save that leviathan was dangerous at the time…" She told him as if it were the simplest thing in the world. Lloyd looked over at her, quietly asking, "Nya? What would we have done if – if he didn't…?" He cringed a little, not liking the way his voice cracked. She leaned against him, grounding him before he could allow himself to dwell on the what if's for too long.

"I dunno. I really don't. But he's still here. We all are. It's gonna be okay."

"Yeah, but for how long?" he couldn't help but mutter. Nya shifted sideways, regarding him for a moment before saying anything.

"You're worried about what happens when we reach the Dark Island." she observed knowingly. The Green Ninja opened his mouth, shut it, and sighed.

"I-I… it's just… everything is happening so quickly now… we'll be there by mid-day tomorrow and… I'm… not sure I'm ready for this… facing my dad? It scares me… I'm not brave like you, or Kai, or Zane… I'm just…. A scared kid in a teen's body." he stated in a small voice, turning wrapped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed them.

"You know, sometimes I wonder how you can be so amazing at seeing the good in others, but totally miss it in yourself. You're one of the bravest people I know, Lloyd."

"R-really?" Lloyd snorted wetly in disbelief.

"Would I lie to you?" she retorted, booping his nose with affection and pulling some tissues out of her pocket. Yeah, she could definitely tell he'd been on the verge of crying.

"Well... If you thought it'd make me happy..." he offered up lamely. The raven-haired girl shook her head in disbelief.

"I guess you've got me all figured out, green bean." she relented, marveling at how grown up her baby brother was becoming. Even if he didn't recognize it yet.

"But I'm serious. You really are an incredibly brave person. Who came to save us when everyone got captured by Pythor?"

"I mean, I kinda got caught too, but, me." Lloyd stated.

"Who talked an entire school of future villains into embracing their inner light?" Nya continued.

"Also me. Just not sure I'd call that brave." he protested, making a face, not sure if he appreciated this trip down memory lane.

"And who used the Tomorrow's Tea to defeat the Grundle, knowing full well that it would have irreversible consequences for them?" she finished. Lloyd frowned. He'd rather not dwell on that decision. It had really done a number on him since.

"That's different..."

"Is it, Lloyd? Because I don't think you would've done any of those things if you weren't at least a little brave."

"Okay. So maybe I am brave..." the blonde caved, deciding to let Nya win this one, "But that doesn't change how terrified I am, Nya. What if I can't do it? Mom says he'd never hurt me, and I don't wanna hurt him, either..." he said, referring to his father, "But when it comes down to it, one of us is gonna have to hurt the other... I-I... we're supposed to fight..."

Nya listened to his ramblings with patience, waiting for him to trail off before she offered her own thoughts.

"Remember what I told you when we first found out you were the Green Ninja?"

"That... you couldn't wait to see Kai's face when he realized I technically won the deal?" Lloyd recalled, looking a bit less troubled at the memory.

"I wasn't wrong. His reaction was priceless!" she laughed softly, "But what I meant was... Kai and I – we promised you wouldn't be alone when the time came. We're gonna do everything in our power to keep that promise. So, you don't have to fake being okay just because you don't wanna worry us."

"Pft... I definitely haven't been doing that." he deadpanned, knowing that to deny it would be a lost cause. His sister rolled her eyes at this.

"You're allowed to be scared and unsure. Just remember, you have an awful lot of people who'd do anything for you, no questions asked. Even if some of them are total idiots in how they go about showing it." she reminded him. He put his head on her shoulder, comforted by her words. His family might not be experts when it came to acting responsibly, but he loved them just the same.

"Definitely total idiots." Lloyd agreed, laughing a little himself. Nya gave a contented sigh and let him snuggle against her. This conversation seemed to be just what he'd needed. She only wished it wasn't necessary, that she could give him some assurance about how the prophesied battle would turn out okay because he was Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon, the kid with a heart of gold and an incredible sort of light radiating off of him. But she wasn't psychic. She didn't want to make false promises or whitewash the danger they were in. So instead, she settled for, "Speaking of idiots, I can think of one who needs to be told a thing or two about jumping overboard with no warning and giving us all a heart attack."

"Wanna go yell at Zane?" the Green Ninja asked with a snort.

"Do I ever!" Nya said, grinning wickedly. Together, they left the safety and seclusion of the rooftop tent in favor of locating the nindroid. As it turned out, they didn't have to look for very long. The sound of laughter drew them to the kitchen; Zane had turned his humor switch on once again, much to the bemusement of his father. Obviously he'd ended up in good company.

"Oh, Zane..." the samurai sang sweetly as she and Lloyd entered the room.

"Yes, Nya?" he answered, reverting back to his usual self. Nya took a big breath before laying into him.

"Do you have any idea how DANGEROUS it was to jump overboard like that?! You could've gotten yourself killed! Are you trying to traumatize Lloyd?!"

"Yep, I'm definitely traumatized now," Lloyd joined in, showing no mercy. Dr. Julien followed the tirade with amusement. His poor son seemed to be at a loss for words.

"But I... We... Sorry?" Zane protested weakly. He rushed over to Lloyd. He seemed... Fine? There were no visible signs of emotional scarring?

"Promise me you'll never do something like that again?" Lloyd begged, giving him his best puppy dog eyes.

"You know I am unable to completely guarantee anything, as it is my duty to protect you and others, but... I shall do my best." he told them. Having weaseled out this assurance, Nya decided that it was time for them to stop pestering Zane over his questionable life choices.

"We're glad you're okay." she stated, smiling at the nindroid to make sure he knew they weren't too terribly upset with him. "So am I." he replied. Lloyd hugged him tightly, catching him a little off guard, but he didn't mind. Tomorrow they would reach the dark island. The future was unpredictable, but for tonight, everyone was safe and sound.

[just-some-random-blogger]

Wheel Of Fortune

EXO Park Chanyeol x Reader + others Characters: EXO Summary:  Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Chanyeol was head over heels for you but he was 100% in denial that you liked Kyungsoo. Word Count: 1k+ Warnings: CRACK FOOL. RUN IF YOURE NOT HERE FOR THAT, jealousy, bottled emotions, fluff ending, etc.

A/N: this was TOO FLUFFY tbh. i wanted to hurt myself but it turned into fluff but oh well

let’s start at the beginning

your parents were introduced by mutual friends and started talking on the phone

okay kidding that’s too far

right

so you worked at SM

and is the maknae of a seven member coed group that debut a year after BigBang and a year before SHINee

(so 2007)

which considering the fact you were younger than Sehun by a couple of months meant you debuted at 10

just roll with it cos ITZ MY VERY SPECIFIC PLOT DMMIT

wheLP

the members were all exactly one year apart and the members from eldest to youngest,, the sequence was a guy (@ 30 yrs old), a girl (29), a guy (28), a girl (27), a guy (26), a guy (25), then you (24).

I KNOW I DONT NEED THIS BUT THIS IS HOW I IMAGINED THIS PLOT IT DMMIT

ok

since you were basically a sunbae at SM even tho u were a smol child you wanted to show your support to your hoobaes

So a day before their debut as a whole group, you, along with the eldest member of your group, who was the leader, visited EXO in the dance studio and gave moral support

You were A BIG FAN and it showed

not that you were hiding it in the first place

your leader was HIGH KEY embarrassed by you, but low key thought it was kinda cute how excited you were for this song

so dUH EXO dances growl for you

anD YOU NEARLY SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST BECAUSE OF HOW PERFECT EVERYTHING WAS

Luhan’s voice

Baekhyun’s attitude

Sehun’s resting bitch face

eeeerrrrrthing

YOU WERE ON THE FLOOR SCREAMING 

literally

and Junmyeon thought you were adOrAbLE

“I think she malfunctioned,” your leader gave a face and pushed you on the shoulder to see if you were still breathing as you let out a silent scream

“CAN YOU GUYS DO IT ONE MORE TIME”

????? 

Jongin was too out of breath to fight you

but lol u know what

they did dance again for you

BECAUSE YALL HAD THE CUTEST LIL FACE AND YOU WERE LIKE 16 SO

after that your band and exo were pretty much in one group 

like hella tight 

you were bsicly conjoined twinss

You could be at an award show and your table would be abandoned because you decided to sit with exo or vice versa

HYPING EACH OTHER WAS NOT EVEN HYPE ANYMORE BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE YOU GUYS WERE RABID OR SOMETHING WTF 

!!!!CALM!!!!!DOWN!!!!

like you + your group to them:

“thtAS MY CHILd!”

“DID YOU SEE YIXING AND HIS HIPS FUCK YOU BITCH!”

“HE WAS RUDE. THAT WAS RUDE. THAT’S NOT ALLOWED”

“GET OFF THE STAGE SLUT”

“WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP BITCH!”

“~~~that was sooooooo sOFYT”

“CHEN STFU! YOU NEED TO STOP USING THAT DAMN VOICE OF YOURS JONGDAE. THATS ILLEEEEEGAL!”

“myY HERT!”

“OPPA *cries in korean* PLESS!”

“WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY!!!!!?“

‘iN fRonT oF MY sALaD”

“PA$$ THE H01Y W4T3R”

“NO KAI. BAD KAI. STTOOOOPPPP.”

you @ baekyun

baekyun @ you

thIS IS A CHANYEOL HEADCANON BUT I LOOK AT THIS FUCKIN MORON WHO I HATE SO MUCH SOMEONE SAVE HIM FROM HIS IDIOCY

them to you + your group:

“first of all fuck, second FUCK”

“wh-- whT WHAS THAT HIP MOVEMENT. U ARE 4 YRS OLD”

“HE did t h a t.”

“NOOOOOONNNNNNNNNAAAAA ch0k3 me”

“I CANT HEAR YOU OVER U BEING SUCH A HOE”

“i cant beLIEVE THIS STADIUM IS SO QUIET” *ears are actually bleeding*

“NOt TODaY S4T4N”

“I DIDNT ASK FOR THIS”

“how does this have 300M views????? ONLY 300M I--”

“GAAAAAHHHHH WHAT WAS THAT MOVE WHT WAS IT”

“my soul has been touched”

“this is TOOOOOOOO much ma lord”

“DID YOU JUST RIP YOUR SHIRT OFF?“

“TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF!”

“ASDFRTYUJM ive been shot”

ya dig

it’s not verbal abuse if they can’t hear you cause of the bass and the fact your on stage performing

but like

you guys did everything together

practiced

ate

shopped

toured

pranked

T O G E T H E R

like who else in SM mattered

SHINee who?

JK YOUWERE A SHAWOL THROUGH AND THROUGH

you reassure Minho everytime unless you wanted to die that day

YOu EVEN FANGIRLED OVER TAEMIN’s MOVE WITH MINSEOK

BUT YOU OBVI you had MORE THAN ENOUGH ROOM TO BE AN EXO-L and an elf and a cassie and a so-won and DONT FOrget a vip and a---

you get the point

ANYWAY

as you were close with everyone you had a special bond with every individual

YALL STILL TEXT WITH YA BOY KRIS

yOU WENT ON A SHOW IN CHINA WITH LUHAN

TAO LEAVES PUKE COMMENTS ON YOUR INSTA POSTS

my ot12

and as much as you say you are equally close with everyone

errbody knows that be bull the size of russia

yall caNNOT dENy that you and chanyeol have the same crack powder on your philtrums

LIKE KYUNGSOO CANNOT LIVE WHEN YOU TWO ARE TOGETHER

LET HIM LIVEEEEEE

this moment must never die

ya boy be mindin his own business then

BAM BITCH

you and chanyeol be makin D.O. cray af

rest assured he HAS thought of how he’d kill both of you

ANd that’s why chanyeol loves you

like he decided he liked you the moment you lost your breath laughing when he threw a rubber duck at Kyunggsoo’s head, making it squeak in the most demented way no one thought possible

but he knew he loved you when you helped him lighten up on one of his dark days

you had that kind of effect on people

i mean all you did was sit down with him, both of your backs leaned up against each other’s, head occasionally leaning against the other’s head or shoulder, and played some nothings on the guitar and ukulele

but that was more than enough

you were there with him

and that’s what mattered

But literally the moment he accepted his feelings for you

he began to notice something he felt 100000% dumb for not seeing before

the way you laugh when Kyungsoo says a lame-ass joke

the way you always hug him from behind

you did that with literally everyone you were close with sure, 

but Chanyeol noticed you did it with him more 

and he 3

there was also the way you were just always winding up next to Soo when he was around, like he had some sort of magnet on him

and how you just liked poking his cheeks, begging him to show his dimples

which were really faint like gurl--

chANYEOL HAD DIMPLES TOO

CHANYEOL HAS DIMPLES

why daheq did you like his close to nonexistent ones?????????

????????

okay you liked poking Lay’s dimples more

look at my boy, who i love with burning passion ANDWILL DESTROY SM FOR BECAUSE HE JUST WANTS TO BE WITH HIS BAND SM SM SM!!!!! CHINA KOREA POLITICS FK ALL YALL

and suho

and chen

anD FINE--

yeah you did poke his too

literally anyone who remotely has dimples tbh

BT WHY KYUNGSOO

ads;ajsd;lasjdkas #jelly

so chanyeol decides to ask someone about it

so he obviously goes to his wisest hyung

but the day he  wants to talk to Suho, YOU WERE ON A DATE WITH HIM

like a date but not a date date he could tell

BUT A DATE NONETHELESS AND HE WAS KINDA JELLY

so he goes to Baekhyun for some fucking reason

and he’s like “omg u like her i couLDnt FUCKING TELL FROM ALL THE HEARTS IN TH AIR”

instant regret

but like Baek did give him some advice

like 5% was advice

the other 99% was him screaming to just be a man and tell her

so chanyeol is like, “STFU.... also she likes kyungsoo so fml”

and for a hot second Baekhyun has nothing to say

BAEKHYUN HAS NOTHING TO SAY

“idek dude. this is why i flirted with her openly”

Chanyeol punched him for saying that

but he decides he’s going to tell you after like 231109 years

cos Jongdae said you don’t like Kyungsoo and that he’s sure of it

Chanyeol asked how he was sure and he was just all like

“she had a crush on Sungmin hyung before and DID NOT act like that at all.”

That made Chanyeol a lot more hopeful

So he just went for it

and asked if you wanted to get lunch

and then after eating, you guys walked back

and he just sort of blurted it out

“Joahaeyo.”

you just looked at him and chuckled, “Thank you. I like you too, Yeolie.”

bitch are you for real rn

before Chanyeol could clarify, your walking slowed, “I’ve known for a while now.”

ok

wait

w h a t

“Minseok oppa told me.”

?????????? uhm HOW DID HE KNOW

Chanyeol’s hands were waterfalls atm, “Why did he tell you?”

Your face starts burning red and chanyeol cant help but think of it as a bad sign

“I told him I liked him...”

“... and he said he can’t reciprocate because he knows you like me, and that he can’t do that to his dongsaeng.”

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah 

cool story bro

you liked someone in EXO that was NOT him

cool cool cool

I GUESS CHEN WAS RIGHT 

THANKS

wait did that mean chanyeol was this obvious

wait did that mean chanyeol ruined your chances with his hyung

wait was this why you cried that one time

WaiT WAS THIS WHY YOU HUNG AROUND KYUNGSOO

BECAUSE WHENEVER MINSEOK WAS IN THE ROOM, YOU WOULD GET KINDA STIFF AT A POINT AND KYUNGSOO MAKE A JOKE TO MAKE YOU LAUGH

WASTHIS WHY YOU TWO HUNG OUT MORE

WHY HADN’T HE NOTICED

AND IF EVERYONE ELSE DID

WHY DIDNT THEY TELL HIM

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Chanyeol frowned and called out your name, proceeding to apologize

“Wae? why are you sorry? did you tell minseok to say that to me?“

he couldn’t feel mushy and weird at what you said

“YA dont tell me youre going to be weird around me too. It’s bad enough Minseok oppa distanced himself a bit.”

Chanyeol couldn’t help but be angry, sad, protective, and annoyed all at once at what you just admitted to him

“I’ll tell him to stop.”

You pouted, “you don’t have to tell anyone anything, chanyeol.”

“yes but you don’t deserve to feel awkward around anyone.”

“yes but that was minseok oppa’s choice.”

“yes but he was only doing that because he’s my hyung and he’s dumb.”

“yes but-- 

OU KNOW WHAT WHY DONT WE ALL JUST BE AWKWARD AROUND EACH OTHER”

and so you walked forward fast and tried to ignore chanyeol

Chanyeol, with his freakishly long legs caught up with you though

he caught your arm

“What tf are you doing?“

“Ew dont talk to me its awkward. im awkward. your awkward.”

Chanyeol laughed. “yaaaaa, why do i like you?

“THAT’S WHAT IM THINKING HO”

[kwispayne]

The Top 10 Films Of 2019

Sadly my keep up with film this year wasn't as active as I would have liked it to have been. But I did see a lot of great films. Maybe none that will be in my century list, but there was some great moments throughout. Hopefully I can keep up better this year, but here is my opinion on what I did see

So here is some rules

1.Technically some of these movies have been released in 2018, but some where only released at film festivals or had overseas release. I usually go by the rules of if it was released in cinemas, Netflix or DVD in 2019.

2. This is a personal list. So some opinions are biased and selfish.

3. I haven’t seen every film from this year sadly. So any recommendations or even your top 10 lists would be helpful. I always want to watch more and I have an odd fetish for lists and stuff, so if you have any send me links and stuff.

10. Dragged Across Concrete (S. Craig Zahler)

S. Craig Zahler's films in the past few years have only just keep getting better and better. Also how this guy was able to give careers back to Vince Vaughan & Mel Gibson is a feat if extraordinary skill too. Dragged Across Concrete is a complex story, with a lot of interesting twists and turns, but one of the best skills that Zahler has as a film maker is his ability to set up scenes. He never spoonfeeds his audience, and gives the characters dialogue and scenes that are very lifelike. While this may be his least bloodiest affair, it does have some rather upsetting moments in it which leave a bigger lasting impact than a bloody gore fest.

9. Once Upon A Time In Hollywood (Quentin Tarantino)

I was a tiny bit let down by Tarantino's last film The Hateful 8. Overall it wasn't the worst, but there was a lot of padding. But, this film has a lot of padding too. But it's padding which I deem necessary. In fact, this level of padding I haven't seen Tarantino do since Jackie Brown. But overall, the film, even though it is slightly based on true events, constantly has the audience guessing what is going to happen, leading to an incredibly leftfield and satisfying climax. The dialogue throughout is at times Tarantino by numbers, but at times he does verge away from what we are used to, which I've got to admit, is an impressive feat by Tarantino so late into his career. Also, big props to Leonardo DiCaprio who deserves an award for his performance in this film.

8.  Fyre: The Greatest Party That Never Happened (Chris Smith)

The movie which launched a thousand memes. Back in the day, documentaries used to fill my lists, but that has died down, because they've been so saturated since the rise of Netflix & Amazon. But, I'm glad to say that this  is the example of one that has slipped through the cracks, mainly because the story  of this documentary is so insane. A failed music festival that was doomed from day one, spearheaded by a rapper with a lot of hubris and a pied piper entrepreneur. In many ways this movie very much is the perfect parable of today's obsession with capitalism. It's all glitz with no results. Netflix, you've done it again.

7.  Lords Of Chaos (Jonas Åkerlund)

Being a fan of metal, the story of this film has been among the metal lore for the past few years. Now...do I believe everything the movie is portraying...no, but the movie does claim that it is based on lies too. But at the heart of it all, I think  Åkerlund did get a great theme going. That at the end of the day, the guys involved in this whole affair were just kids. This is a controversial choice I know, but I genuinely loved the choice of shots in the movie, the aesthetics used and I thought out the dialogue throughout was very strong and acted well. So as a film, it's great. As a piece of metal history...not so much.

6. Fighting With My Family (Stephen Merchant)

After being blown away by Florence Pugh in Lady Macbeth, I was surprised to hear that her next project was a comedy film about wrestling. But then I saw that Stephen Merchant was directing and writing it, and my mind was put to rest. Personally I think The Office & Extras are 2 of the best TV shows ever made, so I knew that Stephen could pull of a big Hollywood comedy. But...this has such great British charm in it, that whenever I wasn't laughing I was nearly in tears with the drama. The screen play in this film is fantastic, but Stephen has always been a brilliant writer. The cast in the film is fantastic, but Florence Pugh just blows everyone out of the water. I will talk about her more later. 

5. Vice (Adam McKay)

After being shocked by The Big Short, Adam McKay again proves that he has a certain style which was only veily shown in his earlier comedy films. The comedy of this film comes from the twist of what we usually except with films of this calibre, but behind the veneer of Cheney himself, this very much adds to the tone of the film. The obvious elephant in the room is Christian Bale's performance and the changes he made to become the character, which are insane as always, but the actual performance and manner of Cheney is perfectly modeled and may be one of his greatest performances, although I hope for his benefit he just sticks to a fat suit and make up next time he needs to play an older large man.  Now this movie isn't the most factually accurate from what I gather, but if it is...wow...McKay has given life to an absolute monster.

4. Midsommar (Ari Aster)

Ari Aster has now made 2 of the best modern horror films. Hopefully he can make it a hat trick. This film blew me away. The psychedelic cult aspect of this movie was dripping from the screen, but it was done is such a bright and vibrant way so it seems to be safe, but it's actually very dangerous. A fantastic cast also drives  the film, but Florence Pugh shows up again to prove that she may be the greatest actor that we currently have working at the moment. Jack Reynor is also fantastic in the film and I really hope he gets more work because he is fantastic (he's gorgeous too). Warning to anyone about to watch this film...it gets very freaky.

3. Avengers Endgame (Anthony & Joe Russo)

Ok...again this is mainly just for my own satisfaction. I have been following the Marvel films for a long time, and some of them have actually been able to get their way into my top 10 lists, but this one is different. This movie never would have worked if the studio didn't take their time. And the arc that they have told over the past few years with specific characters in general has come full circle, and the pay off is glorious. Now when it comes to the actual plot of the film and the time travel stuff...yes it is a bit silly, but the concept itself is silly too, so I take it with a pinch of salt, and I only focus on the story we are given. The best performance though comes from Robert Downey Jr., who I believe deserves some sort of award not for this film but for all the Marvel movies he took part in. The build up to Josh Brolin's Thanos is also a fantastic performance. And the climax of this film is one of the most grandiose and epic closers of any superhero movie that we have ever seen.

2. Us (Jordan Peele)

I felt that Get Out was a movie where the concept was brilliant, but the actual execution was lacking. I still enjoyed it, but it was one of those films where people enjoyed it a lot more than I did. But when I saw the trailer for Us, I became very excited, because the trailer made it seem overly creepy to the point where I didn't understand what was going on. So I went in knowing nothing and coming out completely blown away. To think that Jordan Peele directed this, the same guy that made me laugh from his sketches on Key & Peele has directed an incredibly smart, funny and interesting horror film. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone (obvious joke alert). But this movie would be nothing without the stellar performance from Luptia Nyong'o. This lady deserves a lot of awards and recognition for this role, and I hope she works with the horror genre again, because he is a fantastic scream queen.

1. The Favourite (Yorgos Lanthimos)

Yorgos Lanthimos' films have been an interest of while. With his directorial debut Dogtooth, I was blown away. It was so unique that no one could follow this incredibly odd turgid and absurdist style. He then came back with The Lobster, which I found the idea of more enjoyable than that actual execution of the film itself. And he got closer with The Killing Of A Sacred Deer, but it didn't fully stick to landing. But this is his biggest film. A weird one to chose foe a style of his calibre. A period piece focusing on feminism. How could he keep his style without it distracting the audience too much with the story. But thankfully he found the perfect marriage between the 2. Now, his style did get watered down a bit, but thankfully his absurdist approach hasn't fully evaporated, with some very odd but brilliant use of shots. Acting wise, the film has a fantastic cast, and obvious props should be given to Olivia Coleman who won her Oscar for this role, but Emma Stone & Rachel Weisz also give fantastic performances too, and should be recognized too. I'm glad to see Lanthimos making his acclaimed masterpiece, and am looking forward to his next artistic endeavor.

[fatathlon]

Musselman 70.3 – Race Report

My first 70.3 race was a life experience that feels almost too complex to sum up in mere words. I’ve been trying to find my way to describing all of the different things it was for over two months now, and I haven’t gotten very far. I’m not sure it’s something that can be put into words at all, at least not the true core nature of it. It’s an experience, and experiencing it is probably the only real way to know it. Words, as much as I love them, are sometimes just a pale facsimile of the truth they attempt to describe.

So with that in mind, here at last is a basic run-down of how the race went. I also cut together a video that gets at my outlook and emotions surrounding the event a little bit, but probably doesn’t do much better than the words, in the end.

Swim 0:37:52 – 1st in Division (Clydesdale)

Perfect. Honestly my favorite part of the day, which surprised me. I missed the warmup in the water because I chose to use the bathroom (successfully, so a good choice I think). The lake was so shallow, though, that everyone walked for at least 100 yards, with resistance from the water it was a good warmup. But I had fun, swam strong the whole way, and finished in the range I knew from practice would mean I wasn’t slow and didn’t blow up. I had 1:40/100 on my watch, official time pace was 1:48, probably due to the swim exit to the mat and the standing around during the wave start. No anxiety once i got going, no issues, just ground it out and watched the fish. I felt most prepared for the swim out of all three, when all was said and done. I was not expecting the swim to be the most enjoyable part of the race, but I really did have a lot of fun with it. I also didn’t expect to win my division in the swim, so that was a nice bonus.

Swim exit

Bike 2:49:40 – 2nd in Division (Clydesdale)

My first significant plan deviation happened on the bike, but I didn’t realize it until later. For some reason I had it in my head that my coach said 250 average watts as my target, but it was 250 normalized power. Oops. For what it was worth, I ended with 256 AP on my computer so I felt good about hitting my number, even if it turned out to be the wrong one. Overall I was about 15 watts over the intended plan. I put down two bottles of water and two bottles of Gatorade Endurance, plus two 5-oz squeeze bottles of maple syrup. All of which I brought with me. Every aid station I grabbed water and doused myself. All in all fairly uneventful. Big headwinds on some roads, went from one lake to another and back. 2 miles of gravel. Only one hill I would call a ‘climb,’ but 2,000 ft of accumulated elevation. I felt good on the bike, working but not pushing super hard. The last 5 miles or so started to feel a bit uncomfortable, and I was just ready to get off the bike.

Photographer caught me mid-snack

Run 2:10:00 – 2nd in Division (Clydesdale)

Here, of course, is where things got ‘interesting.’ I felt surprisingly good going out. Smiled and waved to my family and wasn’t even faking it. I was having fun! After I cleared the greater transition area, I looked at my watch and realized I was doing like 8:00/mile out of the gate, so I slowed that roll pretty quick and settled into around 8:50-9:30 for the first 4 miles. Then the hills started and I got slower, which was normal and fine. But then mile 7 was upon me and I got massive, massive intestinal cramping. Like really bad. It stopped me dead for maybe 30 seconds. Then I was walking, not wanting to give up. Happened to be on the biggest climb of the course where a lot of people walked anyway, so that was sort of a blessing in disguise I guess. I was eyeing the bushes and trying to decide if I needed to try a pit stop, but eventually ripped a massive…shall we say…’flatulent expulsion.’ Just gas, no soiled britches. And then I was running again! Got back up to around 9’s here and there, especially on the descents back into town. I still had minor cramping happening but it was small enough to ignore. But the whole ordeal took a lot out of me. I tried to pick it up at mile ten, knowing there was just a 5K left, but it didn’t last. I had almost nothing left for the last mile. Just slogged it in. The one bright spot at that point, besides the finish and my family, was that I passed a superstar aero guy who had passed me on the bike at mile 42 on the gravel. I guess he bonked harder than me. He was walking. I felt bad for him but it was also confirmation of what my coach said — a pass on the bike is momentary. A pass on the run is final.

Heading out on the run

Finish and Post-Race 5:43:24 – 2nd in Division (Clydesdale), 72/208 Gender, 96/343 Overall

I was pleased as punch to discover I had made my way to the podium in my division. The Clydesdale division, when it exists, is something of a dilemma, because weight is the only criterion for entering. But there’s a big difference between 250 pounds of muscle and 250 pounds of fat, for example. So it’s not always necessarily the equalizer it’s intended to be. The competition in this division was strong at this race; the winner completed it in under 5:30:00. I would have needed to be 10 minutes faster on the bike and at least 5 minutes faster on the run to win, not to mention faster transitions. I was very happy with what I accomplished and felt that I did the best I possibly could have, considering the challenges I faced (both this year and during the race itself).

Made it

Having my family, both close and extended, there to support me along with some close friends really made all the difference, though. For the last two miles, they were all I thought about. I hugged my kids just before the finish and felt a great sense of relief crossing the final threshold.

While waiting for the awards, I had the opportunity to meet and chat briefly with Jennie and David Hansen, two of my Ironman heroes. They were as friendly and open as could be. They both crushed their races. Jennie did the combination race, which was the sprint on Saturday and the 70.3 on Sunday, and won everything.

Video Report

I made a video about the race, attempting to summarize it from another sort of approach. You can watch that here:

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[galactibabe]

The Night Comes Down - A Brian May Comfort Fic

Pairing: Brian May x f!reader (but as pals)

Warnings: slight angst, light swearing, alcohol consumption, talk of suicide/self-harm

A/N: I’m having a garbage time and I just need Bri to tell me he’s happy I’m alive.. This is set after BoRhap won their Globes. 

Word Count: 1.65k

You went home with Brian after the Globes, but not for the reason you’ve wanted to since you fell for him all those years ago.

He spotted you, sitting alone, clutching your second glass of wine, looking at the floor and quietly letting the tears fall. His heart just couldn’t let him walk away from you in this extremely vulnerable position, and he knew you trusted him to never judge your emotional days.

He slowly approached you, sitting next to you and leaning his head to your ear to talk over the crowd of people. “Are you alright, love?” he clearly hadn’t noticed you crying, he had only seen you sitting alone. When you looked up to him, your mascara running and your face red, it damn near broke his heart. You didn’t respond, just choked out a small sob, and he set his phone in his lap, pulling you into his chest. He rested his head on yours, rubbing your back, simply letting you cry into his jacket.

“I- I can’t...” you began, clutching the lapels of his suit jacket. He shushed you, sensing you were crumbling right beneath his fingertips and not wanting you to continue hurting yourself even more by talking about your situation.

He ran a hand over your hair, taking a glance around the room to make sure none of the cast were coming around. You had recently become friends with them and he knew you didn’t want them to think of you in a negative light. They had just brought home two stellar awards for the film, you didn’t want them to think you were ruining the night by falling apart in the corner of the room, with Dr. Brian May as your tissue box.

“Let’s get you out of here, yeah? It’s late, let me take you home, make sure you’re alright?” He pulled away from you, still with your hand grasping his jacket, knuckles white from how tight you were holding on, and used his thumb to attempt to wipe away your tears. They kept coming, though they were a bit slower now from his heartfelt gestures. You gave him a small nod and he patted your cheek. “Wait here, I’ll get a car around, say goodbye to everyone. I’ll tell them you’re not feeling well and that I’m making sure you get home safe.” You smiled for the first time since you sat down, “That’s not entirely false... thank you, Bri..” He leaned down and briefly kissed the top of your head, rubbing his thumb on your shoulder and leaving you.

As soon as he was out of sight, you fell apart again, feeling your only support beam disappear. He wasn’t going to get a car, he wasn’t saying goodbye to the others, he was leaving you here because he was far too old to be dealing with this. The thoughts swirled around your head, your vision blurred from your tears, and your head hung low once again. Your mascara was no longer existent from the crying, any foundation on your cheeks washed away as well.

You looked up and saw Lucy in your vicinity. I can’t let her see me like this, she’ll think I’m such a downer. But just when you thought she’d turn and see you, Brian came into view again, holding her elbow and laughing with her. He leaned down and spoke in her ear. Pulling back, she smiled, hugged him, and turned away, disappearing into the crowd.

Brian made his way over to you, pulling a tissue from his pocket and leaning down to wipe the new tears from your cheeks that had made their appearance after he had left to do exactly what he said he would. “Gwil’s staying with me at my place here in LA, but he’s not coming back with us, okay? With how much he looks like me, I’m not his father and it’s not my responsibility to take him home when I leave.” The joke made you laugh, it sounding like a sob but your smile betraying the sound. He stood, taking your hand in his, happy enough he could bring you a bit of joy in these moments and snuck you both out the back door of the room, bringing you to the car out front like he’d promised.

Ever the gentleman he was, opening the door for you and scooping up the small train of your dress as you sat down, placing it on top of your feet so it wouldn’t get caught in the door after he shut it. Getting in the driver’s seat, he slowly pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road, resting his hand on yours for the journey. It wasn’t romantic in the least, he was happily married, but he was taking care of you in a way you desperately needed. You didn’t care what the label for it was, there was simply pure love in the gesture and you knew you’d never be able to thank him enough for it. 

Soon, you arrived in his driveway. A simple, quaint home for when he spent long periods in the area, whether it be for recording, media days, award shows like tonight, or other things of the sort. He had told you it made more sense financially to buy a small house than spend money on hotel rooms every time he came out this way, which was quite a lot lately. He also didn’t mind the weather contrast to England. It almost became a sort of vacation home for he and Anita to come relax when the rain got to be overwhelming. Family photos lined the walls, of both his kids, grandkids, and Queen. He considered them as much a part of his family as his wife. 

He walked you into the master bedroom in silence, making your face go red at how many times you’d had those thoughts about him. He gestured for you to sit on the bed as he opened a couple drawers, rummaging through what you soon found out to be his and Anita’s things, handing you a pair of sweatpants and a shirt so you didn’t have to stay in the dress all night. Your “thank you” came out almost as a whisper, but he gave a small sound of acknowledgement and continued to pull out more clothes, you’d guessed for himself. Slowly, you made your way into the master bath, admiring the beautifully clean white tile and porcelain sink, and changed into the clothes. 

You came out, with your dress folded in your arms, legs of the sweatpants coming fully over your feet. The sight made Brian laugh, and you swear you’d seen the face of a man in his 30′s again breaking through for that split second. “Look at you! Roll those up, safety, my dear.” he wagged a finger at you, still smiling. These sweats were definitely his. The legs so long that you could sew the ends and turn them into feety-pajamas. You set your dress down and he pat the space on the bed in front of him, “Now, come tell me what’s bothering you, yeah?”

The both of you sat opposite one another, legs crossed, knees touching, his hand resting on yours whenever you had said something that really hurt. He never once interrupted you. He only spoke when you asked him why everyone in your life had left you, why everyone seemed to get tired of you so easily, why you were always a second choice or not even a choice at all. You poured your heart and soul out to Brian through tears that could choke you if you hadn’t been told to breathe by him every few pauses you took. So much so, that you’d admitted to wanting to hurt yourself, to disappear for good, to save everyone else the time they’d be wasting with you. 

That broke him. 

Your eyes flicked up to his, and a single tear fell down his cheek. The thought of losing such a dear friend again? He reached over and pulled you into his arms, hugging you tighter than anyone ever had in your entire life. You felt, if he squeezed you hard enough, all the pieces of your damaged soul would be forced to go back together. He held you, then. For what seemed like hours, but was barely one. The silence spoke volumes. He cared for you in a way you couldn’t understand. More than a friend, but less than a lover. A comfortable, caring space in between. 

Then, he finally spoke. “I’m so sorry...” he gripped you a little tighter, rubbing his hand over your back, wrapping his other hand in your hair. “I’m so deeply sorry that life’s put such a lovely soul like yours, well, through the ringer. You bring so much light to our little family, and having you around truly is a blessing.. I’m so proud of you for still being with us. I’m so happy that you’re still here. You are stronger than you know, love.” he pulled back afterwards, bringing his hand to your cheek and kissing your forehead. He wiped away your tears for the hundredth time tonight, but this time they didn’t fall again. You smiled and rested your head on his shoulder, him rubbing your back softly, lowly humming what sounded like ‘39 to calm your spirits.

He patted your knee after a bit and moved to get up, forcing you to sit upright. “Tea?” he asked with an outstretched hand. You nodded and followed him into the kitchen, drinking in sweet silence until Gwilym stumbled in through the front door, absolutely sloshed. Sharing soft laughter at his entrance, you helped him care for Gwil and eventually took your place on the plush sofa. The smell of honey and the muffled sounds of Gwil’s light snoring in the room upstairs to lull you to sleep.