#Joel Allen imagine | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

corazondebeskar-reads · 27 days ago

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Erika, babe. You keep writing Joel in new worlds I would never have imagined and making me fall in love with him all over again.

I say this year round but for real this grew my little Grinch heart three sizes. I saved it for Christmas, thinking it’d be a nice little reward for surviving the day. Then I passed out early and didn’t read anything 😭 but even post-holiday, this is so fucking heartwarming.

This is as much as it took for me to be hooked. Instantly fascinated.

I love his cranky ass so much.

I legit laughed out loud. This is so funny to me. santa Joel said acab

GIRL I felt this SAME WAY. he said that and my competence detector was off the hook. five alarm fire.

this hurt fr and the secondhand yearning is too much

Tim Allen could never.

I love you sm for this

… i will never look at Santa the same again.

bestie this is a work of art. better than every hallmark christmas movie.

Mr. Winter

Santa!Joel Miller x F!Reader

summary: you wrote that letter to Santa as a joke (knowing he obviously wouldn’t answer it) until he does - and he comes with a proposition

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY MDNI. no outbreak/modern AU & Joel has both his daughters, marriage of convenience, unspecified age gap (reader’s age is not mentioned but is a drinking aged adult & Joel is older), yearning, fluff with light angst, grumpy but sweetheart!Joel, caregiver!Joel with slight sugar daddy!Joel vibes, brief moments of dealing with toxic family, Joel lifts reader once with his Santa strength, spicy thoughts, heavy making out, fingering, glove & finger sucking, use of “good girl,” Joel’s dirty talk & referring to himself as “old man,” one light ass smack, reader wears lingerie, Santa!kink (?), use of gendered language

word count: 9.1k (I’m sorry)

a/n: yeah… hi lol this is heavily influenced and based off “The Santa Clause” films but you don’t need to know those to read - biggest thank you to my favorite enablers & Santa’s cutest helpers @pedgito & @hauntedhowlett ily…also happy holidays, if you’re reading this I can’t thank you enough & hope a little magic comes your way ♡ divider credit to the ever talented @saradika-graphics

You wrote the dumb letter at the end of the semester class party. You’re thankful everyone decided to write papers instead of having a final, a grad school blessing, which meant class was done by the last week of November. Your professor even had set up the cutest Letters to Santa Station, and your friend begged you to write one with her.

So you did.

And you jokingly asked Santa for one thing - to send you a boyfriend.

Of course you know the big guy isn’t real and wouldn’t ever answer. It’s why you didn’t think much of it.

But now, if there’s any hope Santa could be real, you wonder if maybe he could just grant you one small wish…

You’re happy for your best friend, you truly are. Her wedding reception is beautiful, you just need a moment.

It finally hit you that you’re the last of your friend group not married. And as the cozy colder winter days bring in the couples closer during the slow song, you simply take a moment outside to collect yourself.

The once warmed spiked hot chocolate you’ve been enjoying now sits cold, not so festive.

Someone calls to you, says your name in a thick southern molasses smooth accent you don’t recognize.

Turning to the door, you definitely don’t know who this man is because you would have remembered someone this stunning.

Dressed down in some jeans and a sharp looking blazer, there’s almost a cowboy like air to this man. Rugged, older with lovely streaks of wrinkles and shining grey hair, a gorgeous sharp hawk nose, and dark as the deep earth eyes stare at you - he’s flat out gorgeous.

“Got your letter.” He cryptically announces, and confusion clusters in you.

This handsome stranger lifts up the overly festive candy cane colored envelope, the one you picked at the party a few days ago when you wrote your letter to Santa.

Slightly panicked, now you question who this man is.

The mystery man fidgets, painting him younger. He shifts to put his hands on his hips.

“Alright… there ain’t no easy way to put this, so imma just say it.” He starts. “I got many names… Father Christmas, Ol’ Saint Nick. Shit like that.”

Those dark unearthed eyes stare unflinching at you.

“But you can call me Joel.”

“Wait…What are you saying?” Bewilderment and skepticism bubble in your voice.

He sighs, ancient and tired, rubbing a hand over his face.

“Don’t make me say it.” He grumbles.

“Wait are you saying you’re like, fucking Santa Claus or something?” You can’t even believe it.

His large hand moves away from his face, and the man, Joel, stays silent. The somber stillness makes this feel worse.

A disbelief filled laugh escapes you.

“Yeah okay, nice try.” You lift your drink to him, a slight mock cheers, then take a sip. It’s cold as hell and tastes bitter.

“I know it sounds fucking crazy as shit-”

“The Santa I know wouldn't cuss.” You playfully cut him off deciding to now embrace this joke.

His face grows foul, hard with a frown, not so very Kris Kringle like. With deliberate steps he moves slightly closer to you.

“Two years ago… who d’ya think dropped off that snow globe, huh?” His voice dips low, bordering a deadly seriousness, and you inhale sharp.

Two years ago, you and your mom’s favorite snow globe shattered. It felt silly getting so upset over such a strange object, but you couldn’t find a replacement anywhere.

Then after everyone had opened their gifts and family had left, you spotted a lone gift still tucked away hidden under the tree.

It was the snow globe, new and perfectly wrapped. You know you didn’t get it for your mom and the way she teared up, she didn’t get it for you. None of your other family members knew the significance of it.

“It has to be a Christmas miracle,” your mom had said. You didn’t believe it.

Now you stare a bit horrified and in shock at the man who knows about this.

Silence suffocates the air between you and him.

“Make a reindeer show up.” You blurt out.

The man, Joel, snorts dry and amused.

“Don’t need reindeer. S’a myth.” He replies low.

Your eyes narrow suspicious at him now.

“Can you make it snow?”

“M’not Jack Frost.” He scoffs offended.

“Santa always leaves snow from his boots.” You argue back.

“It’s for the dang effect.” Joel argues back.

“Can’t be Santa then.” You shrug.

He makes a disgruntled sigh of a noise. Glaring hard, he waves his hand out to the wind. Suddenly the wind blows strong, a howling gust rushing against you, so blustery you need to cover your face. When the wind stops you realize you’re lightly covered in snow.

You almost drop your not so hot chocolate.

Joel must sense your shock. He takes your drink from your hand, takes a sip and makes a disgusted face.

“Look… came here for a reason. I think we might be able to help each other out.

He’s here with a proposition.

“I… need a wife.” He declares with a deadpan like energy.

Now you almost laugh again.

“What, did Mrs Claus divorce you?” You joke.

“Never been married.” He frowns.

Oh.

“So why now?” Curiosity peeks up in you fast.

“Legal shit.” His words don’t allow for more prying. “I’ll explain it all later. Just needed to find ya to see if we can get this done.”

“Wait, why me?”

He lifts up that damn letter again, waves it around.

“Y’said you wanted a boyfriend.” He almost sounds bored.

“This isn’t the same.” You squak, indignant.

“Look,” he now returns to that deep somber tone.

“I need this. And you’d be… compensation.” His voice shifts slightly awkwardly.

He mentions your loans, all the debt you have, and how he might be able to help out. Your eyes feel like they’re about to pop out their sockets.

Commotion finally arrives at the door leading back inside.

Joel takes a sip of your drink, then hands it back to you.

“Think it over.” He says low.

The door slides open, and your other friend flings her head out.

“Hey come on! They’re cutting the cake!” She brightly exclaims, but her face scrunches up confused.

“Wait, who were you talking to?” She asks.

Your eyes flicker to the spot where Joel would be.

No one stands next to you. All that’s left is snow and the imprint of boots.

You also notice…your hot chocolate has been warmed.

“Santa lives here? In Austin Texas? What happened to the North Pole?” Walking behind him, you sound like a bummed out kid who just found out Santa isn’t real.

“Shit said to throw the FBI off.” Joel Miller replies bluntly, and you don’t know if he’s joking or not.

His house, rustic and cozy, holds a spacious warmth. But it feels vacant, unusually quiet for a man known to bring joy and the personification of Christmas warmth.

“So how does one become Santa?” You ask.

“Long story.” Another curt reply.

“Well, if I’m gonna be your wife shouldn’t I know these things?” Just saying the words aloud didn’t seem real.

You can’t believe you’re doing this.

The new home draws in your full attention trying to soak it all in. So many photos of two girls cover the walls and they grow right before your eyes. Curiously, you ask about them.

“They’re my daughters.” Joel answers simple.

Your eyes go wide.

He had children.

“They’re the reason why we’re here actually.” Joel adds while he moves around his cozy kitchen.

He reveals ‘Santa Claus’ is simply a title for someone to fill. It’s a hefty role. Joel was able to get away without having a spouse with his first daughter, and then again with his second. But now with her about to enter college, Joel was alone.

The stipulation to marry now stood between him and having the title stripped from him.

“Why do you even need to get married?”

“Some shit about needing companionship and other fuckin’ bullshit.” He gruffly explains.

“You could retire.” You offer.

“Don’t wanna.” He roughly replies grabbing papers out of a drawer.

“So your daughters… I’m sure they must’ve been over the moon knowing their dad was Santa.” You try breaking the ice more.

Placing a pen on the table, Joel sighs.

“Look, we don’t gotta do this.” He snaps tight. “This small talk and shit. The sooner we can get this signed and started, the sooner we can get this over with.”

His words sting, becoming sharp barbs that dig in deep.

“Fine.” You grab the pen ready to sign whatever the hell this guy has for you.

A back door opens, and commotion follows. A handsome younger man, with the same dark eyes like Joel that instead sparkle, walks into the kitchen from the garage. Following him are two much older gentleman, one with kind eyes and the other with a glare that could whither a field

“Well now, is this the soon to be Mrs Joel Miller?” The youngest of the bunch says bright and sunny.

Joel introduces you to his brother, Tommy, who is an exact opposite to his sour puss older sibling. Frank, an old family friend, is here to officiate the ceremony. His husband, Bill, would be the other witnesses besides Tommy. Frank and Tommy are thankfully sweet, obviously curious about you.

“Can we get this fuckin’ done with?” Joel snaps.

Now your annoyance triples, and you’re thankful Tommy and Frank chide Joel. Bill snorts amused.

But wanting to leave now too, you’re quick to agree to start the ceremony.

It’s done short and simple in the kitchen - Frank asking you and Joel to take each other as husband and wife. You agree briskly. Joel just nods. There’s not even an exchange of rings, or a kiss to conclude the ceremony.

Joel simply sticks his hand out, a damn handshake becomes your official agreement, your binding wedding vow.

You maybe should have read over the marriage agreement more, could have been smarter and brought a lawyer, even one that might have believed you. But you’re pissed. You simply sign the papers, let Frank go over the documentation, then gather your things.

“Wait, you ain’t gonna stay for lunch?” Joel suddenly questions seeing you get up to leave.

“We got this over with, didn't we, husband? That’s all you wanted right?” Your words are clipped, polite but sharp, that they even sting you.

You apologize to Tommy and Frank for meeting like this. Yet you don’t say another word to your new husband who feels more of a stranger than ever.

When you get back to your mom’s place a new sticky note sits on your night stand.

Sorry about today, let me make it up to you.

-J

Underneath is his phone number.

Guess he’s showing off the very classic Santa trick of slipping into houses without anyone noticing he pulled off a breaking and entering.

He answers on the second ring when you call.

“I got Santa’s personal number?” You offer with a gentle treading tone.

“Yeah, yeah.” Joel huffs.

It eases the tension. But hesitation still brews thick, an awkwardness of trying to talk to a stranger who just so happens to be your new husband.

“Uh, shit…Sorry about earlier. Didn’t end up eating lunch. You up for a bite to eat? I'll pay?” His voice is open, letting you decide.

Agreeing, he shows up to your door in record timing.

“Is this traveling fast a Santa thing? How can you travel so fast?” Your curiosity gets the best of you.

Joel simply smirks, not answering, but the silence dances playful now.

He takes you to a cozy barbecue spot on the lake. The Texas winter makes the days crisp, almost stuck between autumn and full blown winter. But in the midday sun, it's rather lovely.

“I’m surprised you’re not busy with everything coming up.” You’re trying stepping into the conversation as eased and natural as possible.

“If I’m tryin’ to scramble to get shit done by now, then I ain’t doing my job right.” He says taking a sip of his beer, and his words ignite a burst of heat in you.

It's attractive… he’s attractive. You can’t deny that.

Lunch is surprisingly casual, relaxed. Joel asks about grad school and about your major, asks about your family. It vaguely feels like a regular first date.

However this is treading the waters between you and him and this strange new circumstance.

This situation has been gnawing at you. Anxiously, you wonder if he judges you for agreeing so quickly, for jumping in because of the money.

“Hey,” it's like he senses your quiet already.

“You still don’t gotta do this. I can head back home right now, rip up those papers and start again.” A sincere tone, gilded in understanding, rings in his voice.

He’s giving you a way out. You shake your head.

You want to see this as something good. So raising your drink up, it’s another cheers to him. This time Joel moves to toast you with his beer.

“I’d call this the strangest wedding reception ever but hey, I’ll take it.” Joel nods. His mountainous shoulders drop seemingly relaxed more.

You laugh, and for the first time, it feels like you’re sitting across a new friend now… who just happens to be your husband.

You and Joel start texting. It’s still a bit awkward, and he’s a dry texter which doesn’t help. You get tempted to send him Santa memes, but you’re not sure you can joke with him more.

You check your loans. They’re still there looming like a thick unmovable sludge. So he hasn’t paid it off yet.

Reality and acceptance settles in. This man, the embodiment of Christmas joy, is just that busy even though he said he wasn’t.

At least you helped, or maybe unknowingly sold your soul away and just don’t know it yet. Whatever it is, you slip back into your regular routine and head back to your mom’s.

Pulling up an unknown older red truck sits in front of the house, and you wonder who’s its owner.

Walking inside your mom announces she’s in the kitchen. Tools scattered along the table are a reliving sight. So it’s just the plumber she finally called.

“You didn’t tell me the guy you were seeing is a handy man.” Your mom whispers excitedly.

As if on cue Joel struts out from the bathroom looking something straight from a hallmark movie. The green plaid shirt he wears compliments him beautifully, and it’s hard not to stare at him and his delicious broad ass shoulders.

“Hey.” He greets with a half smirk.

“Was in the neighborhood, wanted to stop by and see if ya wanted to get dinner tonight. Then I remembered you telling me about your mom’s sink.”

You mentioned that during your first lunch with him. How did he remember?

Something soft, swirling with longing, fills your chest, and you try swallowing it back. As thanks, your mom happily suggests Joel joining for dinner here, and panic strikes you fast.

Joel grins bigger seeing you scramble to dissuade him. Of course he agrees.

You never would have guessed Joel ‘prickly as a Christmas cactus’ Miller is a charmer. He even pays for takeout much to your mother’s surprise.

“Didn’t know he was so much…older.” She hesitantly comments when he leaves.

“It’s been nice dating someone more mature.” You half lie. You aren’t ready to tell her the guy is your husband.

Later you text him thanks for fixing the sink and for dinner.

What are husbands for? He replies back.

And you really wish you knew.

You’ve wanted to go see the trail of lights, but with your mom working late for the holidays and your friends out of town, you consider making the trip alone.

Until your phone rings.

Joel has now started calling you, simply to chat, ask about how your day is, even just to check up on you. It makes your heart jump.

“Whatcha up to?” His voice rumbles deep and wonderful over the phone.

“Wanted to go to the trail of lights but might skip. No one wants to go.” You sigh.

“I’ll go.” He quickly replies, and your head spins.

If you thought Joel in plaid was a deadly force, him in a thick winter brown coat that highlights his strong frame is an utter sight.

The array of candy colored lights coat the world in a beautiful celestial dream. You’re thankful it’s not busy tonight.

“I’ve always loved Christmas lights.” You admit. It’s one of your favorite parts of being back home.

Surprisingly, he curiously asks about you more, what brought you back home. You of course tell him the truth. Out of state college got too expensive in undergrad, and now going to grad school expenses started piling up.

“So I’m back home.” You simply shrug.

“Ain’t no shame in it.”

You beam at his earnest words.

“Y’know, I haven’t been here in so long.” Joel admits. “Used to come here with the girls all the time when they were little.”

Wanting to embrace this tiny step he’s taking, you ask what they’re like. A soft look, one molten and fatherly, blooms over his face. It suits him, like he was born to be a dad in any lifetime.

Sarah is his eldest, a sweetheart going to school to be a journalist. He had her when was young, way too young, and her mother wasn’t big on wanting to raise a kid at that age.

“So it was just the two of you?” You softly ask.

“Yup, until our Ellie came along.” He nods while another soft grin tugs at his lips.

He tells you Ellie is adopted.

“S’actually a wild story.” Joel begins. “Found her during a run.”

A run, you learn quickly, is when he’s out on Christmas Eve.

“Newborn baby crying on the edge of the fire station. It was freezing as shit that night. Couldn’t just leave her there.” He mutters lost in the memory.

You and him have slowed your walk, now almost glued to each other side by side.

“Was a goddamn miracle.” He adds nodding.

“That’s beautiful, Joel.” You admire, meaning your words.

He goes on telling you Ellie’s already working in her last year of high school, ready to move out, be on her own, ready to start college.

“So I bet when they were kids they were thrilled to know their dad was… who you are.” You state with a warm grin.

Joel barks hollow.

“Couldn’t even threaten them with the naughty list deal. To them I’ll always be dad.” His voice twinkles, it’s like peeling away at the rough exterior to realize Joel is just an extra toasty marshmallow.

He’s still so warm and soft on the inside.

“Can I ask… how did it happen?” You’re worried he’s going to shut you out like he did last time.

But a heavy exhale leaves him. And he tells you…

About a night driving home during the bad snow storm that came many years ago. He stopped to help this man on the side of the road, who he assumed was a mall Santa that had gotten into an accident.

“Instead it was the real fucking deal.”

After that, the previous holder of the title passed away, leaving Joel to take up the mantle.

“Had to say yes,” he says with a shrug. “Even at five years old Sarah was bossin’ me around, telling me I had to…. Haven’t regretted it since.”

Iridescent adoration swallows your body whole begging you to embrace Joel Miller wholly.

“It’s wonderful. It’s brought you so many amazing things,” You can’t even hide your admiration anymore, don’t want to. You don’t want to fight this. You’d be his real fake wife for long as he would let you.

Joel’s face turns to you. His eyes glance straight into your very being, the lights dance among his endless earthen eyes. You want to get lost in the twinkle, already hating how badly you feel drawn to this man.

You try taking in every ounce of Joel here under the cloak of lights. He’s a dream, this fake husband of yours, one that feels like you’re simply allowed to admire but never touch.

Being this close to him, your eyes unfortunately drift to his lips. How bad would it be to kiss this man?

There’s plenty of songs about kissing Santa Claus. Would you simply not be embracing the holiday spirit?

A distant car horn honks and causes you to jump, breaking the hypnotic spell Joel has cast on you. Walking out, sadly heading home, you finally notice something.

It could be the shade of the lights, but the greys in Joel’s beard are starting to appear white.

The week before Christmas is a chaotic cluster. So much cleaning and shopping, you want to scream. Joel calls you while you’re braving the mall.

“You sound exhausted, honey.” He says, and the pet name isn’t lost on you.

But it is lost on your rant though. You’re exhausted from trying to find these specific dang muffins your grandmother only refuses to eat while also trying to find a gift for your cousins.

“Gift cards are a lifesaver for a reason.” He comments casually.

“You grant Christmas wishes for a living, and that’s your answer.” You snort.

“I’ve delivered my share of ‘em, so hell yeah they are.”

Even in the mess of the mall’s chaos you laugh. In such a short amount of time, Joel’s presence in your life has solidified steady, unwavering, like he’s always been here. Long chats on drives home, him dropping by with groceries to deliver, it all unfolds so natural. You’re even heading over tonight to have dinner with him and his brother Tommy.

Once you’re back in the car, you notice a new bag sitting in the backseat.

Reacting in you discover not only the damn elusive dinner rolls you’ve been searching for, but a pack of gift cards.

A sticky note sits on top of them.

Don’t hate the gift card

-J

You blame the Yuletide spirit in the air, but your heart soars. It’s like you’ve been swept into a Christmas special. But, you’re waiting for the bad ending to come.

These feelings for Joel have only multiplied, taking root deeper in your heart. The sugared admiration for him now grows fangs becoming a dazed lust. You’ve had dreams of him sweaty and golden above you in bed. You ache to know what he sounds like, to know the feeling of him inside you, to get drunk on his taste.

Heading over to Joel’s you kick away those dangerous thoughts you have for your husband.

A sweet woman answers the door, who introduces herself as Maria, Tommy’s wife.

“Nice to finally meet Joel’s not so secret, secret wife.” She grins. Guess that meant she knew the secret too.

She knows more than you even do as she guides you out back. The shed sitting in the corner of the backyard is unassuming. Yet when you step inside, a full workshop, the size of a Costco, stands glimmering before you.

“It never gets old.” Maria whispers, sensing your stunned awe.

Joel finally steps into view, and you’re taken back. The white among his beard sits stronger. He’s in more comfortable clothes and the gray sweatpants are sinful on him. The sight of his strong arms, his tummy through his tight white shirt, all make you think of biting into his skin -

You yank yourself out of the feral thoughts. Especially when Joel spots you. He blinks, just as stunned as you are.

“Hey, sorry. Got shit tied up here. Y’don’t gotta stay, might not be done until... fuck I don’t even know when.” He sighs, running a hand across his face.

“Can I help?” You blurt out.

Joel blinks at you, almost like he didn’t hear what you said and even squints a bit making him as old as he is.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” You ask again.

Joel swallows. “You don’t, fuck...Ya don’t have to.”

You want to and determinedly tell him that.

His eyes widened like you just grew two heads. He recovers swiftly, nodding as he calls Tommy over. The younger Miller brother sees you and winks.

“Come on newbie, let’s getcha set up.”

You, Maria and Tommy are in charge of bulk orders making sure each package has the right amount and ready to be delivered.

“Does he… really have a list?” You ask with a whisper.

“Checks it twice too.” Tommy cheekily replies, and you laugh bubbling with disbelief, but apologize quickly.

“S’all good, trust me it took me a while to realize it’s real. But it’s something damn special once you do.”

You fully agree.

The night is long, but you don’t notice it. You get into a grove and get excited when Maria shows you some of the orders, children getting bikes, someone getting a new pair of shoes. It fills you with something luminous you can’t fully describe.

It’s a reward in itself when you finish a large order and high five Maria and Tommy.

“Well now, we finally get to meet the new Mrs. Joel Miller.” A new voice, smooth but curious, breaks the moment.

Behind you stand a small cluster of older men. You don’t know how, but you just know they’re all previous holders of the title of Father Christmas. It’s only confirmed when Tommy whispers it sharp to you. So these retired men were the ones pestering Joel.

“They usually drop by to do audits, checks and things, didn’t know they would be here this late.” Maria adds low.

“We’ve been wanting to stop by and give our congratulations, but Joel has been so keen on keeping you all to himself.” One of the older gentlemen winks.

You politely smile.

“You’re rather young.” Another man comments.

“Way too pretty for a grouch like Miller.” One, with a thick accent, teases with a grin.

Joel suddenly, as if summoned, comes rushing out from the side and immediately slides in front of you, a protective barrier.

“You’re running a bit behind schedule.” The snarkiest of the men comments to Joel. “Guess the new wife really has been keeping you away.”

Your face scrunches up pissed now, until Joel’s hand moves to hold yours, squeezing it tight.

“He even has you helping, dear?” One of the quieter men asks you, concerned.

“I’m happy to help.” You truthfully answer steady and firm.

You want to be a part of this as much as Joel allows. Not just because you’re his paper wife, but because you care for him.

All of the previous Santas now seem to survey you, practically staring straight into your soul.

“If you gentlemen are done harassing my wife I suggest y’all fuckin’ head home.” Joel barks sharp.

One of them scoffs at this reply.

The main leader of the group glances at you then back to Joel.

“You picked a good one, Joel.” He smiles with a chuckle.

“You take care of this grouch now, pretty lady.” The sweetest of the men beams at you, a twinkle in his eye.

“Get out.” Joel snaps cold, holding your hand tighter than ever.

In a blink, they’re before you, and the next, they’re gone, vanished into the wind.

Your legs feel like they’re about to give out, and you have to lean against Joel who sighs with the same relief.

In the rush, you swear you feel him press a kiss to the top of your head. Tommy and Maria greet you proud. You return back to your station, back to helping.

Until you realize it’s past 1 in the morning, and you can barely keep your eyes open.

“Hey, crash here for the night.” Joel appears besides you, steadying your arm.

“I’ll be fine, I can drive home.” You reassure him through an unconvincing yawn.

“No. You don’t need to. S’cold as hell out there, just stay here.” He urges, and you don’t want to fight him.

So you’re given the guest room and a spare change of clothes, which include an oversized UT Longhorns shirt and sweats, both obviously Joel’s.

Sliding his shirt on, your heart races. The exhaustion, you blame it on the exhaustion, when you pull his shirt up to inhale deeply. The smell is soft, comforting, a mixture of his cologne and something purely musk, purely Joel.

You wonder how bad it would be to touch yourself in his guest room. Glancing out the door to see if you’re alone, that’s when you catch a glimpse of Joel down the hall.

Busy looking at his phone, he’s shirtless and a decadent sight. You fully take in his solid build, the look of a man. His sweatpants have slung lower, revealing the thick trail of hair leading down to his cock. The pudge of his belly is beautiful.

He’s beautiful, and you want him more than anything.

The next morning he’s gone, already hard at work. You enjoy breakfast with Maria and Tommy who you already adore even more.

“Don’t be a stranger now, it’s nice to have a new face around. Plus Joel can’t stop talking about you.” Maria’s words almost make you spit out your tea.

Tommy snickers at your reaction.

Driving back to your mom’s, you already miss the chaos of the Miller household. Arriving home, your heart sinks seeing your relatives have arrived early.

“Oh, back from staying over at a guy’s house? Maybe you’ll finally get a boyfriend that stays around long enough.” Even though your Aunt is trying to be teasing, you already wish she could leave.

“I think he’s a keeper. He’s older too.” You mom explains with a slow whisper, and you send her a look.

Everyone unfortunately perks up at that.

“Really? Well, you know what they say, you should always question why a man doesn’t date a woman his age.” Your Aunt, with such a judgmental tone, tries to sound sincere but it slices you deep.

“It’s not like that.” You reply feeling a new sense of dread crawl in you.

“Is it a sugar daddy situation?” Your cousin jokes, and it gets too much.

You laugh bitter, fake, then head back to your room. You wish more than ever to crawl back to Joel’s.

Back in your room, something new sits waiting for you on your nightstand.

A flower, your favorite, in full bloom has a note tied to it.

Thanks for all the help

This time Joel signs his name with a little scribbled heart.

You cherish it more than gold.

“I…won’t be available these new few days.” Joel reveals, almost sounds guilty.

It’s the first time you’ve finally gotten the chance to talk with him free from curious family members trying to eavesdrop.

Here in the dead of night, your heart aches for him.

“I know, kinda figured.” You grin.

He chuckles.

Suddenly a selfish thought tugs at you.

The image has been plaguing you more and more. Does dress up in full Santa gear? He has to, right?

“So do you…fully wear the whole thing? The red suit? White hat?” You ask, waiting for the answer.

“…if I say yes, are ya gonna divorce me?” Joel replies gruff.

You laugh but rush to quiet down trying not to wake anyone. But you reassure him there's no need for divorce.

“Just… kinda wish I could see it.” You admit, feeling greedy wanting to witness the sight.

Joel stays quiet.

“Maybe one day.” He mutters.

“Yeah…” maybe one day.

“Stay safe out there.” You tell him when you hear him yawning more. “And get all the rest you can.”

“Yes ma’am.” He drawls, and you melt.

You don’t hear from him after that.

You deal with more annoying family members. Enjoy some delicious cozy food. All while missing Joel.

Waking up Christmas Eve morning, you see an email.

All your loans are paid in full. It wasn’t just your loans, but your mother’s. Completely debt free - both of you. She cries. You even get teary eyed.

One of your uncles makes a dumb joke about it maybe being a mistake.

“It’s a blessing,” your mom says, grateful.

“No, it’s a gift from Santa.” You beam, knowing no one would believe you.

However, a new fear starts morphing in you.

What did this mean for you and Joel? Is the contract completed? Is this over? Was it only to say he had a wife on paper, parade you as proof, then… never speak to him again?

The questions pester and haunt you the entire rest of the day.

Then night creeps in.

“You wanna leave cookies out for Santa?” Your mom jokes seeing you grab a plate.

“Maybe, but I think I might leave out a beer too.” You reply and she laughs.

Once everyone heads to bed and leaves back to their hotels, you sneak into the living room.

Never in your life would you have imagined ever needing to wait up to see Santa. Much less as a full adult.

And it proves to be a true test of endurance. You doze off a few times but quickly snap your eyes open, worried you’ll miss him.

Checking the time, it’s almost midnight. Of all the nights you want to stay up, fighting asleep is harder than ever.

You don’t even realize your eyes have closed until the softest graze of fingers against your cheek wakes you.

Panicked, scrambling awake, you snap your eyes open and whisper Joel’s name.

Finally blinking into focus, there’s no sign of anyone here.

“Y’left out a beer for me?”

Until the softest smoothest thick accent floats out into the quiet of your living room. You left the tv on, and the light of it blends with the glow from the Christmas tree. It bathes Joel in something sublime.

No classic Santa hat sits on his head, but the way his hair is scruffy and flat, he must have been wearing it before.

But the sight of him in the crimson suit, the soft white fur lined edges of the coat, how bulky and strong he looks… You’re reminded of a rugged cowboy Santa.

It all ignites a wildfire, and now you’re wide awake scrambling out of the blankets to get to him.

Not thinking, almost possessed by some ghost of Christmas present, you rush forward and embrace him. His body, sturdy and solid, radiates a warmth that encompasses you.

“What are ya doing up?” He whispers low while you clutch onto him. You need to touch him with your own hands, feel he’s real. You also don’t miss the gloved hands against your hips.

“Had to see you.” You croak out.

You pull back to look at him.

Finally, you take him in. It’s Joel, the same grumpy Joel that’s changed the oil for your car, who has a soft spot for the stray cats in his neighborhood, and is an amazing father - but it all collides with the truth of who he really is.

A watery laugh comes out of you and you hate that immediately you’re blinking away tears.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Joel immediately asks worried, letting his hands move to rest on your arms, a comforting presence.

You reassure him it’s nothing, trying to wave this reaction off.

“You gotta tell me what’s wrong or else Christmas stops and it’ll all be your fault.” His tone is somber, but you sense the tease, a classic Joel joke among his words.

Shaking your head, you wipe away more tears frustrated at your reaction. Then his hand, gloved but striking in size, cradles your face, and he gently strokes your cheek. Joel turns your face to him.

“Talk to me, honey please.”

You don’t know how to express everything that’s in your heart. It all feels too much - the conflict of realizing where you stand with him, the doubt that brews wondering if he even holds the same affection for you.

“I don’t wanna lose you.” You admit weakly.

It’s that you can muster out, all that you can do to sum up the bundle of emotions storming in your heart.

Joel’s eyebrows furrow. His mouth drops a bit. In the low light, the shadows on his face deepen like caverns aging him beautifully.

“M’not going anywhere. You won’t lose me.” He reassures, even squeezing your face soft.

Those endless eyes that normally stare so direct and with such a magnetic force, now flicker away almost boyish and shy.

“I’m the one afraid of losin’ you.” He mutters, like he’s admitting it more to himself.

His words unwrap your heart releasing so many emotions.

“Joel.” You whisper, a bit hesitant, and his gaze draws back to you.

He seems closer now, his coal-like eyes brewing something untouchable. Silence, a soft shift settles, you taking him in, and him doing the same for you.

You don’t know who moves first. But in a blink his lips descend onto yours.

His mustache tickles. His lips hold a hint of something sweet sugary, indulgent, or you wonder if that’s just Joel.

Strong gloved hands clutch onto you holding your tighter against his frame. He tilts your head, allowing him to kiss you deeper, and your mouth willingly opens begging for more of him.

It isn’t lost on you that you’re kissing Santa Claus, like a cheesy holiday song. But it’s the fact that you’re kissing Joel Miller that melts everything away.

Your fingers find his hair, running through his soft gray locks you’ve dreamed about. Joel groans, and you already want more.

With ease, he lifts you up with one arm and you squeak into his mouth. His chuckle vibrates against your lips, ticklish, until he starts to kiss your jaw, nibbling on the path of your skin.

You sigh, closing your eyes and drawing him closer when he places you back on the couch. Your legs curl against his waist, locking him in as you try molding into him, with him, as much as you can.

His lips find yours again, this time there’s a fevered edge to them. His tongue is messy, licking into your mouth desperate. You moan when he sucks on your tongue.

A blazing hunger takes over making your hips grind against him. Feeling his gloved hands slide up your legs, you whine digging into him harder.

Until he suddenly rips himself away, leaving you feeling empty missing his warmth and body against you.

“Shit…Really gotta go, honey. I can’t say.” Joel sighs. His heavy breathing, the tightness of his jaw, this is as hard for him as it is for you.

“Can’t you be a little late?” You softly question rising back up to kiss up his scruffy beard.

He groans when you softly kitten lick at his upper lip.

“Fuckin’ naughty little thing.” Joel growls.

You softly kiss his lips again.

“Guess that means I’m on the naughty list huh?” The joke slips out, and you already want to hide after hearing yourself.

Joel groans, but this time it’s ripe with embarrassment. You hide your face while he snickers.

“That was bad.”

“I know,” you agree mortified.

Even in your embarrassment, Joel presses a kiss to the crown of your head, and every worry melts away.

He stands up, pulling you gently up with him. Gathering you into his arms, this time Joel feels larger than life but also closer than ever, like he’s stitched inside your heart now.

“When will I see you again?” You hate how badly you miss him already.

“Soon, I promise.” He reassures rubbing your back softly, and you nod back.

His hand moves to hold your face again, gently, like you’re a precious treasure.

And you think he might be yours.

Joel kisses you, the softest sweetest press of his lips that melts into your bones. And when you open your eyes, he’s gone.

All that’s left are the faintest hints of snow flurries on your living room floor…

And of course he made sure to take his beer.

When Joel said he’d see you soon, you didn’t think it would be the next morning, Christmas morning.

Softly a hand brushes against your face, slowly waking you. You find yourself back in your bedroom. The soft glow of the winter morning spreads a gentle light that covers your room.

Joel is here, kneeling beside your bed, and immediately you turn towards him.

In this light, his greys look softer, thicker in their shade, like beautiful white streams run from his temples. And his beard looks as if snow flurries have been peppered in more. The red velvet of his suit looks brighter. Your fingers run across the fabric, across his shoulders.

You whisper his name, yet a sadness creeps in again.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” he nods.

“Are you okay… with us?” It’s a stumbled way to ask, but it’s all you can get out.

Is he okay that you’re much younger than him?

“Yeah, of course.” He nods.

“Actually, Ellie and Sarah were the ones who told me to go for it.” He admits fondly, sleepily.

“They said I needed to be selfish for once, let myself have this…”

His eyes watch you as you sit up to reach him.

“Is that why you were so cold when we first met?” You ask.

Joel nods, sighing.

“Felt awful knowing I was doing this to you, someone so dang young, so fuckin’ beautiful. Hated that you were stuck with a mess of ‘n old man like me.”

“I’d pick you everytime.” The words escape fast. You can’t even stop them.

Instantly he swoops in kissing you with an unchained passion that makes you dizzy.

Immediately you tug at him, begging him to crawl onto the bed. You sigh in bliss when he does, making your mattress creak ever slightly with his glorious solid frame.

His kisses are drenched in a poison intoxicating you.

Clutching onto Joel’s shoulders, you lift your hips when his gloved hands tug at your pj pants.

That’s when you hear the faint laughter of everyone downstairs awake. You freeze. Joel senses your hesitation. That gorgeous nose of his nuzzles against your jaw breathing in the scent of you.

“Y’gonna be a good girl and keep quiet for me?” His thick low voice is all you need because you’re nodding yanking at his shoulders to kiss him again.

This kiss dances along the edge of something fierce and wild, like you’re trying to contain it, hold it back before it spreads and someone hears.

Until Joel’s gloved fingers slip inside your wet heat, and you slap a hand over your mouth to hold back a moan. Feeling his black leather glove inside you has your eyes roll back. Then when you rest your head against the soft fur lining of his coat, it creates such a dizzying sensation you want to get lost in.

“Oh fuck.” He drawls, hoarse.

His fingers pump in and out of you, and the squelch of your wetness sounds downright obscene now. Joel revels in it.

“Letting this ol’ man winter fuck ya while everyone’s down stairs waiting…Y’like that baby?”

You whimper, nodding, clutching onto him harder trying so hard to keep quiet. Then he removes them from your pussy and you whimper at the loss.

Until he draws his gloved fingers, shining and coat in your arousal, up to your lips.

“Can ya clean ‘em off for me?” He mutters.

Without hesitation you pull them into your mouth and suck, letting your tongue wiggle across the leather. You moan tasting this union of you and the leather.

“Shit,” Joel croaks like he got punched in the gut.

Quickly he yanks his hand out from your mouth, rips his gloves off and kisses you feverish.

“Need to feel ya.” He sounds drunk as you feel, even more when his bare fingers thick and warm slip into you again.

He makes you come so fast it knocks you breathless, feeling hot even with the cooler temperature in the room. You whisper begging him to fuck you, to take you here before he heads home -

“Can’t darlin’, but soon I will. I promise.” He reassures you kissing your lips over and over.

“And Santa always keeps his promises, yeah?”

That shouldn’t be so hot, but it is. You greedily kiss him, trying to devour him even more.

“Jesus,” he growls, his accent thicker than ever. “Makin’ it so fuckin’ hard to leave.”

“Then don’t.” You beg.

But then the voices downstairs get louder, and the smell of food warming up floats in.

Joel sighs deflated. You know this is the end for now.

Rubbing his wonderful nose against yours, you lean to press your forehead to his. He breathes out your name, and it sounds like a blessing.

“Merry Christmas, honey.” He whispers softly to you.

A knock comes at your door, and in a panic you drag your blanket up around you.

“You awake yet?” Your mom jokingly asks.

You definitely are now. Of course Joel has vanished.

But something tickles the top of your head. Bundles of mistletoe, twisted among so many lovely ribbons, bloom all along your bed frame.

One Christmas Later

“Did I ever show you the shirt Ellie and Sarah sent me last week?” You ask, and Joel, half paying attention, hums.

He pulls his attention away from the Dallas Cowboys game long enough to glance at your phone.

The shirt reads - Mrs Claus but Married to the Grinch

He rolls his eyes, not finding it as amusing as his daughters did.

“Or what about this one.” You show him the next option.

This one, in bright gold lettering, says - Santa’s Sexy Girlfriend

“No.” He flat out pushes the phone away making you laugh and lean against his strong shoulder.

This would be the last night before he heads out on his run. This will also be the first night you get to see him leave, and the first night you’ll get to wait for him now living at his home.

The memories and days that have brought you here are strung up in your heart, luminous multi colored tinsel you never want to take down.

“It’s actually one of the first years we’re ahead of schedule,” Tommy says when you greet him back at the workshop.

“That wife of yours is really something.” Though Tommy talks directly to his brother he makes sure to wink at you.

You’re grateful you got to help out more this year, even enjoyed having Ellie and Sarah around when they came by to visit. But with Ellie now enjoying time with the girl she desperately has a crush on, and Sarah taking the day to spend time with her new boyfriend, it really would just be you and Joel.

A delicious heat crawls in you knowing what you had waiting for him.

But you almost forget about it when you start helping Joel get dressed.

Your throat dries seeing him buckle up his crimson pants, then helping him slide his thick coat on and how broad it accentuates his shoulders…

“You keep lookin’ at me like we’re gonna get behind schedule.” Joel mutters sinful.

“We’re ahead of schedule. We could…mess around for a bit.” You offer light.

“No, being ahead means I can come home earlier.” He very playfully and lightly smacks your ass.

You hate when he’s right.

With a kiss goodbye you send him off returning to the quiet home. You’ll have a day and a half before Joel officially returns. So you spend your time binging multiple movies.

You’re also thankful for the stash of extra cookies you finally found. Joel ‘I ain’t got a sweet tooth’ Miller isn’t so slick with his hiding spots.

The film your best friend recommended is cheesy. But during the scene where the main love interest comes to interrupt the engagement party to announce he loves the bride, cause you to pause.

In theory, you are Joel’s wife. Your mom even jokes that she practically has the most perfect unofficial son in law, if only if she knew the truth. Yet, you don’t have a ring, don’t even use Miller as your last name.

It’s silly, you tell yourself and try not to think about it too much.

So you instead enjoy more cozy snacks and the rare bits of snow Austin is getting this time of year. It’s magical, paints the world like something straight from a Thomas Kinkade dream.

The morning comes when Joel will be home, and you sit waiting on the bed. Don’t even mind you work up early for this.

Earlier confidence surged in you when you slipped into the gorgeous lingerie set. Now it itches on your skin as you sit worried. The bow sitting on your bra might be too much. You almost bought the cute risqué Santa nightgown, but you hesitated.

You didn’t feel like you could truly even joke about being Mrs Claus when you didn't even fully consider yourself Mrs Miller.

“Honey?” Joel announces stepping into the house, and your heart jumps into your throat.

“In here!” You yell back.

Waiting on the bed feels like an eternity passes before Joel opens the door. There’s still snow on his shoulders. His hair is starting to grow out more so it curls around his ears. He’s never looked more gorgeous.

Then his face falls and his eyes become full moons taking in the sight of you before him.

“Oh baby,” he whispers like he can’t believe his eyes.

You grin sleepy.

With eased measured steps Joel walks forward, and you’re reminded of a hunter trying to approach his prey.

He drags his fingers, ungloved, warm and callous from all the hard work he does, up your exposed skin leaving a trial of heat in their wake.

“Can I unwrap my present?” He mutters, allowing his fingers to drift with. Delicate touch across the top of your breast barely kept in by the lace covered bra.

“Yeah, Joel please.” You sigh, closing your eyes when his large hand suddenly grasps, squeezing your breast.

The poor lingerie doesn’t make it out alive.

Now you drift in and out of sleep, naked in his arms. Joel kisses your forehead promising he’ll buy you as many new sets as you want.

“Merry Christmas to both of us.” You dryly joke.

He laughs, but it sounds a bit weak, more like a cough.

“Uh, speaking of Christmas gift… y’want yours now or later when we wake up?”

That makes you bolt up fast from his arms.

“I told you not to get me anything, Miller.” You protest, glaring at him.

Joel rolls his eyes.

“You’re telling me of all people not to get you something?” He scoffs.

“Then I don’t want it.” You stubbornly pout back.

“Alrighty then, I’ll return it tomorrow.” Sleepily he shrugs and turns on his side giving you full sight of his glorious sun kissed bare back. You try not to linger on the scratch marks you left behind.

Now you persistently tell him to give it to you.

“Sounds like what you were saying a few minutes ago.” He teases with a smirk glancing over to you from his shoulder.

Now you roll your eyes.

“Give me the gift Miller, or else.” You shake his shoulder trying to sound somber like Joel himself, but a smile tugs at your lips.

Dramatically, he groans sitting up.

“Making an old man like me get up after the long ass night I had.” He says reaching over to his nightstand.

“Oh please, if I asked you to go another round you would.” You scoff.

“You wanna?” He asks with a curious mutter, and you shove his shoulder again playful.

“Fine, fine.” Joel grumbles.

After reaching under the bed, he returns back with a box…covered in dinosaur wrapping paper.

“Look, it was the only one I had left over here.” He explains seeing your confusion.

“Joel, you work at a magical workshop where there's an endless supply of cute Christmas wrapping paper. Why didn’t you grab some?!” You laugh.

“Didn’t wanna mess up the inventory.” He huffs, grumpy and classically Joel.

“You gonna open it or am I gonna have to hide it again?”

At his words you greedily rip off the paper.

You guess by the size it looked like a shoe box and it is, a familiar box you thought you threw away. Now you’re confused.

Opening it, inside is an even smaller box. This one is classically wrapped in green and red with a shining bow on top.

But when you pick it up, you discover the tiny box is heavy. There’s also a latch at the back begging for you to lift and open.

Inside sits a ring, dancing with a shimmering sparkle.

You already fight back the tears.

Is this what you think it is?

Whipping your face to Joel he seems hesitant, worried, while he keeps his focus on you.

“I know we might’ve done this backwards but…” he reaches for the ring, gingerly pulling it out.

“Wanna make it official now.”

You inhale sharp.

“Honey I’ll get down on one knee if you want, but might take me a while to get back up…” he jokes, but the edge of his voice is watery, shaky, like he’s the one barely holding on.

“But…will you marry me again-”

You don’t even let him finish before you rush to kiss him. The tears come, fast and free like a wave, but they’re beautiful. You embrace it all.

Joel slides the ring in your finger. The weight of the beautiful metal feels wonderful against your skin, but you don’t notice it. Not when you’re swept up in making love to your Joel, your fiancé.

The love bursting through your heart could swallow you whole and you would let it.

“I love you,” he admits against your skin, breathing out like he’s finally found a moment of rest.

“I love you too.” You rub his back soaking in the bliss among the sweat and heat of his body against yours.

It’s just you and your Mr Claus.

“I’m glad Santa granted my wish.” You mutter dreamy, not caring how embarrassing you sound.

That is until Joel lifts his head up, those wonderful eyes of his shine brighter than any northern star.

“Mine too, honey.” He mutters, kissing you tenderly, a sweet promise of more beautiful Christmas days to come.

#fic rec #joel miller x reader

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the-firebird69 · 6 days ago

Text

There's a reason why he's getting money if he goes to a funeral or two and someone says they have a place for him to stay it depends where he might stay there and that's what they're up to but there's something Florida is pretty decent as a place to sit there's a few reasons forces us to do the job.

--the troll movie Uncle Phil is in is most likely coming up there is a prequel and he's a troll in that movie. And it's a similar area it's nearby the new area so he would be up there now as a troll and he has come by close to Uncle Phil and changes into BG and her son knows his role and it's not really mad at him nobody else does anything and he's doing what he can with what he's got yeah I mean people are mean here it's not your charge just Trump guy gets everybody hurt so he agrees this is the worst it's ever been and you're in charge they say and you're a fool. So there's a reason to put this up there and probably will help him sorry to tell though but it's very huge so we think that he's already up there running around as a troll it's really not trying to look like one but that's what he does up there and there's certain people that don't like him and this little midgets moved up there that's who's up there and they yell at them they're trying to find them too not very aggressively and been assigned to watch it. So we feel that Trump figures it out and he goes up there and uses lights and things and it's kind of saying it's a threat and Phil is upset it starts to fight and then it goes into the second movie but our son might think no not up there yet and they follow Preston and figure out that the mountains real and that's what happens and it's coming up very soon Monday into Tuesday people think and we think that's most likely.

--finding his picked up at all the rivers including the Rio grande people had missed it a little the Rio grande comes down it's about the parallel of Utah about 80 miles to the East and it forms up it goes miles to the ocean well the Gulf of Mexico and via Texas and it's not really huge at this time but it will become huge and in the movie with the woman who crash lands alone Sandra Bullock she lands in the middle of an area that was recently had caverns open and they were going to settle again and she was going to be dead and she got out of there and had a space suit helmet ready and she last a little longer so that's a danger and it looks like it was healthier because green stuff was forming. But that's on the Rio grande. That starts happening it's about it's length wither without the dropping of the currency the river widens and it becomes about half mile wide most of the way and towards the South a mile they're astounded at how big it is when they pull the diamonds out a lot of people don't like it can't stand it and they scream they want to refund and s*** like that it's going to go fairly well today because they are now in the process of getting him funding because of what's happening there's a huge deal going on today A lot of people are getting upset with what's happening here at the apartment they don't want Trump there harassing him and didn't want him in such a tight spot and people are willing to stop insane losers like Trump who doesn't seem to have a really good reason for doing it except to threaten for the office of the presidency which is really not sufficient to do much unless you know what you're doing and Joel was around them so we think that he has a trick or two and wants to keep people out of the parks but his AI doesn't work long enough to help counter what's happened we know it too the guy is done and he would admit it and can't imagine it also the crap but pretty soon he's going to be gone and out this is coming up troll and our son says you're being a troll right now usually you aren't and s*** it's all in front again Alan fun Allen yeah that's what it is it's your fault bg because I'm not really in this room mentally. He smiles and says yeah I get that you're making this s*** up so he started to giggle a little then a lot and he says I'm a troll and now it makes sense this is oh my God it's Uncle Phil it says shut up so our son says oh yeah and he says it sounds like the family A little but it sounds like her a lot. Cuz you can speak in your little Limerick tone uh oh our son says and it looks like Moana Ariana are dunking out and they're laughing because he's talking about this and he's putting the toilet seat up on his foot because she's trying to horrify them yeah I have to put up with all this craziness and he says I'm like being the bear then the bear do you see who's doing the attacking I get that just get up ben and get rid of them

We don't want them doing that it looks at me and says what are you doing and he says there's a lot of them to ban and he was okay but we're doing it it's just realizing nuts probably going nuts is where he will be and he says good I think it says you snore to her and makes him feel comfortable what is this where'd you get that story and he's growling I know about the stick too cuz you don't want that thing it's a living stick and he started laughing and said I've seen those things before it's close it's a stick bug and they're very dangerous and they're huge they have emitters so the thing is s*** and then is laughing cuz that's all I got a couple fleets with the kind of King so Ben wants to see the words and the difference

It's a lot of fun cuz he says I'm going to have to learn how to talk there now he said he's going to and Ben likes it and they speak and they're like little kids it's the greatest experience of my life hearing Ben say good. And our son is acting like he's driving him and he's helping them not too much though and he knows about it it's something that was hunted down so he says this it's sick in anyway just now they're kind of really not that bright and they really are so how about something bigger this is going to get strong having trouble chasing deer and so he takes it all and says I have to do this and so they're going to try and strengthen up this is an important day today what happens today is huge they say our son is going to mess up his deal and it's not true it's a different subject and he says that he's needing more money and they're backwards so we are getting ready and we're going to go ahead and we're going to start doing the job that said we have territory that we're taking an area they have a lot of bugs and stashes and caches they will actually try and take over the whole place of ours to stage attacks against bugs so we have to get going we need to hire hours now and we need you our people

Thor Freya

Olympus

It's not that hard of a language I know most of it so I know some of it and if you keep going on like this you're going to get penalized I'm just kidding of course he's going I don't want to get in trouble just always trying to get me in fights so he's looking at her and she says don't look at me you're the one with the brutish breath. So yeah I know how to speak it and I can get him calmed down and to listen and to move on and to tell him what's going on most people can't it's a skill and it is cherished by our people and those who know what it does. I'm off and I'm excited and I'm ready for this day I'm getting ready physically I'm putting things together and I am going to start working this has been a joy this week is much better you got some money for housing two months and it's temporary money he's going to need more really didn't ask for too much then they might award it and they used to people in their weird letters that sounds like it's not really weird but he put on there what they wanted he couldn't get the other thing to print out so that said it's going to be important to follow what happened with that letter and the Mac proper I want a son to get money from their demise it makes sense and EG was in charge of the facility or 9/11 conspiracy was run from and they are blaming him I would leave for what happened and it's very huge so we're going to print.

Hera

And we have the bottom part the very bottom three or so sentences

Thor Freya

This is awful but boy that really makes sense he comes in a decent time to figure it out because we were not figuring it out and it's huge this is a very huge item with us these are giant giant things to happen and the giant giant things that are making things change we we need people to know and we need them to know that it's real and this is not that easy to figure out and to just say this is it and tell people doesn't really do it and our friend is kind of screaming at me you said your job is not complete and you can't just dump it on people I agree very hard to do people don't really pick the stuff up on their own so I'm trying to get it in my mind the way it really is so I can convey it right and so people will hold on to it and I'm trying to figure out what that would be and really he's right they're using this 911 experiment so he says what's pretty smart other people are being blamed too and I can count on my hand how many people are involved in these upcoming movies and are slated to die some of them permanently some of them over and over and apparently I'm like number one or something and he's they're trying to make a Russian reference with the Jewish character as well as my people and we might be out there so I'm going to get ready Jason is another one that takes it hard he gets hit hard and it is bad and it's where he is it's oil my people was diamonds they're everywhere now but they're still in my locations and it's still about my people and the actual Russians I got to get going

Goid

Hera

Sure I'm cranky and I'm out of line a little bit but not really a much people are threatening me and Trump has to be put in line and now he's president so good luck with that

Zues

I'm sitting here watching and his explanation is right there are people out of control here not giving him a chance not giving us a chance and they're rude and heinous they need to be removed what they're saying is horrible and he deserves a lot more than a few bucks and really the one holding us all here so it's becoming more obvious but that's an issue we're all doing the job and Tommy f was always the guy on the outside and now he's all moving around with us and messing with us and always see him doing he is chores and trying to have some restful sleep and recover from massive amounts of poisoning that we did some of us did a lot less some did a lot more doesn't make anybody nicer and it's not really fair to him he's a young man and people have stifled his career and what you people are saying is making most of us angry and sick you're not right I'm trying to run this business and he sees me with people who are insisting on being here and not doing the job at all his place in any way and you know he's not in trouble or nothing but what a pain in the ass you guys are you're you're holding this job up and if he wasn't here you wouldn't be talking about it but I didn't say that if you were not going to be the renters and you probably want to be and people are fighting you on it you'll be doing the job first and you're not supposed to now I have something to say about that you're supposed to do what I tell you cuz it's a business it's not a family business per se because they're not actually family not like you're treating it you're not my baby kid you're supposed to be a man and really you do work that you're asked to do and her friend here would respect his dad I can see you fluffing off a few so you f*** it all off we're tired of you and we don't want it anymore and pretty soon it's going to be some legal stuff coming down the road is what you're saying to me and clients and I'm certainly not going to take the fall for you and it looks like you die jason in Star wars like you've been saying about me what a shame

Stan

Olympus

0 notes

wqbytop100 · 1 year ago

Text

WQBY

Top100 for the week ending August 6, 2023

Submarine---Seeb, BANNERS, SUPER Hi -1 [3.19=22weeks on chart] ******6 nonconsecutive weeks @#1****** ''at peak x 6"

Die For A Night---A R I Z O N A -3 [5.28=11weeks] ''peak2''

Misbehave---Ship Wrek, Disco Lines -2 [4.23=16weeks] ''peak2''

Happy----NF -6 [4.23=16weeks] ''peak1'' **2weeks @#1**

If We Ever Broke Up---Mae Stephens -4 [2.19=26weeks] *1week @$1*

Living In A Haze---Milky Chance -10 [7.9=5weeks] ''at peak''

Where You Are---John Summit, Hayla -5 [3.19=23weeks] **2 nonconsecutive weeks @#1** ''peak1 x 2''

Strangely Sentimental---Anabel Englund -14 [6.18=8weeks] ''new peak''

From This Day On---Andrew Rayel, JES -24 [7.2=6weeks] ''at peak''

You Need Jesus---Yung Gravy, Bbno$, Baby Gravy -18 [7.9=4weeks]

Pwdr Blu---Kx5 -8 [3.25=20weeks] *1week @#1*

Lost & Found----Gorgon City, DRAMA -23 [7.23=3weeks] ''at peak''

Jacare---Sofi Tukker -9 [4.30=15weeks] ''peak2''

Motive---Arman Van Buuren -26 [7.23=3weeks] ''at peak''

Padam Padam----Kylie Minogue -7 [6.18=8weeks] ''peak7''

Sweet Goodbye---Robin Schulz, *Svidden remix -12 [4.2=19weeks] *1week @#1

The Way---Manchester Orchestra -13 [5.7=14weeks] ''peak7''

I Feel Love---Freya Ridings -15 [5.21=12weeks] ''peak10''

Borderline---Tove Lo -20 [2.19=25weeks] ''peak4''

If Only I---Loud Luxury, Two Friends, Bebe Rexha -91 [7.30=2weeks] ''at peak''

Waterfall---Michael Schulte, R3HAB -22 [4.2=19weeks] ''peak8''

Backwards---Alexa Cappelli, Knox -30 [7.16.23=4weeks] ''at peak''

Vroom---Hoodie Allen, Connor Price -23 [7.2.23=6weeks] ''at peak''

Sweat---ESSEL -39 [4.30.23=15weeks] ''peak30''

***Hollywood---Madonna -(new) [8.6.23=1stweek] ''at peak''

One Time---Kyle Walker -21

Dressed For A Funeral---Groupthink, Sunday Scaries -19

Killer Queen---Robin Schulz, FIL BO RIVA -25

Part Of Me---Cian Ducrot -16

Waffle House---Jonas Brothers -17

Rhyme Dust---MK, Dom Dolla -11

Seasons----Bebe Rexha, Dolly Parton -31

Upside Down---MEDUZA, Poppy Baskcomb -32

Sickly Sweet---Kenzie, *Alan Walker cut/remix -33

Chill Like That---Sunday Scaries, PICKUPLINES -53

Feels This Good---Sigala, Mae Muller, Caity Baser, Stefflon Don -28

Here We Go Again---Oliver Tree, David Guetta -36

This Is What Losing Someone Feels Like---JVKE -37

Back Around---Tiesto, AR/CO -42

High Heels - Party Down Under---Flo Rida, Walker Hayes, *Sam Feldt cut/remix -38

Crying On The Dancfloor---Sam Feldt, Jonas Blue, Endless Summer, Violet Days -29

Over The Moon---Eddie Benjamin -55

Chemical---Post Malone -34

Stereo---SUM SUN, Sly Chance -39

Take Me Home---VAVO f/ Clara Mae -40

Gangster---W&W, VINAI -41

Miami---Lola Audreys f/ Nile Rodgers -

Pearls---Jessie Ware -

What A Life---Dave Aude, Jeffery James -44

Gone (Da da Da)----Imanbek, Jay Sean -45

Sunset---Gus Dapperton -103

<>You Were Right---ILLENIUM, Wooli, Grabbitz - [last on @#91 / 6.11.23 debut 5.21.23

No Sleep---Regard, Ella Henderson -47

Feel Your Ghost---Tiesto, Mathame -49

No One Dies from Love---Tove Lo -100

Sparks---MEDUZA, DEL-30, Mali-Koa -46

Stars---PNAU, Bebe Rexha, Ozuna -50

Won't Forget These Days---Fury In the Slaughterhouse, *VIZE remix/cut -51

Revelations---ZHU, Devault, Babyjake -52

Dance Around It----Joel Corry, Caity Baser -54

All We Ever Do Is Talk---Del Water Gap-62

***What You Need---SIDEPIECE -(new)

i'm A Woman---ESSEL, Alex Hepburn -73

Haute---Janelle Monae -77

Do You Want Me---Hayden James, Bob Moses -61

So Many Summers---Brad Paisley -80

Bel Mercy---Jengi -81

Losing Control---Duke Dumont, Nathan Nicholson -82

***De Selby (Part 2) ----Hozier -(new)

***Wreckage---Gorgon City, Julia Church -(new)

***Kisses---Slowdive -(new)

The Worst Person Alive---G Flip -67

Good Life----Good Life, Elderbrook -64

***Symphony----Imagine Dragons f/ Inner City Youth Orchestra -(new)

***Guarantee -Summer Mix----Black Eyed Peas -(new)

Dance To Death----Mathame -72

Change Your Mind---Alex Warren -87

Falling----Sunday Scaries -88

+Macarena---Los Del Rio (Bayside Boys remix) -89 (re-currenting)

***Favorite Song---Milky Chance -(new)

***Can I Shower at Yours---Any Shark -(new)

Bet My Dollar---Tiesto, Freya Ridings -90

***Cheater----Savana Santos -(new)

City Don't---Billy Currington -84

***I've Been In Love----Jungle, Channel Tres -(new)

Lose It All (I Don't Wanna) ----BUNT. -69

Stolen---Marcus Schulz, Pretty Poison -68

19---Steven Dawes -70

Die Young---Venbee, Rudimental -85

See You Later---The Band CAMINO -71

Ride The Wave---Russell Dickerson -75

Car Keys---Alok, Ava Max -76

Colorado---Milky Chande -79

***Following The Sun---SUPER Hi, NEEKA -(new)

Eyes Wide Shut---ILLENIUM, Avril Lavigne, Travis Barker -48

Sometimes---Snakechips, Daya, Earthgang -56

Highs & Lows----Chance Pena -58

Break For You---Valley -59

Toxic---AnnenMayKantereit -60

Love Don't Cost A Thing---Tom Grennan -65

Like A God---The Weeknd -74

Don't Think Twice---Rita Ora -78

Playing With The Boys---Scary Pockets, Betty Who -83

Long Way Home---Walk Off the Earth, Lindsey Stirling -86

#alwayshappymusic

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kenetijamesupdates · 5 years ago

Photo

youtube

Gary talked to Joel Decklemeier about Jeremy and Tom’s relationship, the ease of working with KJ, what he is hoping for the audiences to take away, the love story, and working with vets.

youtube

Jon and Andy talked to Joel about interviewing Adie and Jeremy, a rush of hope, Jeremy’s presence on set, and how he infused love into the filming process, Jeremy’s relationship with KJ, and KJ and Britt’s chemistry.

youtube

Jeremy talked with Mark S Allen about making corrections to scenes, which he didn’t really do, KJ wanting to get it right, KJ portraying him, and what’s next for him.

youtube

KJ and Britt talked with Mark about the excitement of the premiere, Britt talked about her favorite scene and they gave some bts secrets about it, and the vibe on set.

Britt also ended the interview by saying “I hope you don’t get the virus.” A week ago we were in a very different world than we are now.

youtube

Britt and KJ talk with Adam Weissler about their friendship, being on set with Jeremy, Melissa’s story and her passion for faith and love, KJ talks about doing the music and believing in love. Kj does not talk about his own music or Riverdale, though Adam wants him to. They also talk about Corona virus for a second.

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wonderlandleighleigh · 2 years ago

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Today's been bad. Like I just cried buckets and need to rehydrate bad. If you have the time could you imagine a Lenny/Midge and Luke/Lorelai or a Lenny/Midge and high school Jess/Rory or a Luke/Lorelai and adult Jess/Rory double date? Whichever has you most inspired.

(aw man I'm so sorry about your day. Let me see what I can do!)

"I never promised it would be a good play," Lenny chuckles as their drinks arrive.

He'd been given four comp tickets to a new show on Broadway and it had been...less than stellar. Luke has to admit though, that even though the play was crap, he's having a good time. Lorelai looks beautiful (she always does, really, but she got all dressed up for a night in Manhattan), and Midge and Lenny are in high spirits, chatting happily as they wait for their food to arrive.

"One time I went on a date to a terrible musical," Midge tells them, smiling. "It was so bad, we left during intermission."

"Oh my god, what was the musical?" Lorelai asks. "And why do I feel the sudden urge to need to see it?"

"It was the Lizzy Borden musical," Midge explains. "We realized during intermission that since the murder happened at the end of act 1, then act 2 was going to be the trial."

"Oh, god," Luke says, horrified. "An entire second act of a musical that's just a courtroom scene?"

"So we left," Midge shrugs.

"And came to my show instead," Lenny chimes in, grinning wickedly.

Lorelai gasps. "Midge! You took a date to see Lenny's act? That's so unfair to the date!"

Midge lifts her hands, trying not to laugh. "In my defense, I had no idea I had feelings for Lenny yet. Nothing had happened between us, other than him sending me flowers as a thank you for hanging out at his Steve Allen gig."

"As if flowers isn't a hint?" Luke grumbles.

Lenny chuckles. "The card I sent wasn't particularly romantic. Just a thank you and an invite to my next show. Which she missed, but her father went to. We got arrested together. He thought the flowers were nice."

Lorelai laughs at that.

"My father was over the moon when we got married," Midge tells them. "Finally, an intellectual in the family!"

"God, I can't even imagine my parents approving of a boyfriend I picked out myself," Lorelai comments. "Was that weird?"

Midge shrugs. "He hated Joel. He was fine with Benjamin - the doctor I took to see Lenny's show - but he actually wanted to talk to Lenny. I'm pretty sure if Papa could have married Lenny himself, he would have."

"Progressive for a man born in the 1890's," Lenny jokes.

Midge reaches out, patting Lorelai's hand "They'll come around to Luke."

"They won't," Lorelai snorts. "But it's okay, believe me. I've never cared what they think before, I'm not about to start caring now."

"Parents can be tough," Lenny concedes. "It took Ma a little while to warm up to Midge. And she never liked Honey."

Midge purses her lips but says nothing.

"Ooh," Lorelai comments with a chuckle. "Midge has feelings."

The older woman shrugs. "Sally was a tough old broad."

"From the day she was born," Lenny adds, snapping a finger.

Luke clears his throat a little awkwardly and looks to Lorelai. "My mother would have really liked you."

She melts a little, looking touched. "Luke, that's so sweet. I'm really glad."

"Well, you know. She was a really great person, my mom," Luke shrugs. "And you're a great person, so..."

"Oy the schmaltz, kill me now," Lenny groans jokingly.

"As if you're any better," Midge chuckles.

#fic #au #tmmm #Gilmore Girls #Schneiders of Stars Hollow #Midge/Lenny #Midge x Lenny #Java Junkie #Luke x Lorelai #Luke Dane #Luke Danes #Lorelai Gilmore

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relax-and-read-on · 3 years ago

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i don't know which one of the primarchs would sugest it, but i can't stop imagining thw primarchs having a karaoke competition for the family night, what do ou think about it? who would be the worst singer?

I have this weird, personal HC that the one who probably love music the most is... Leman.

The guy grew up with wolfs, and while yes, they are lovely and cared for him very well and I have a lot of feelings about that fact, they don't have music. So imagine him, as a teenager, still half feral and hearing music for the first time. Hearing signing. An entire concept he never even tough about or considered. And it make his semi wolf brain! Happy!! Because dogs also enjoy musics!!! He has no rythmes or musical talent, but he will jump around and dance and sign horribly, because that's what music is about, the joy and emotions it creates.

But! Without further waiting....

The primarch, and they are having a karaoke night

Leman: As mentioned before, he's the one who invited everyone to come Karaoke with him. He's.... Full of enthusiasm, and is trying to make everyone sign at least once. His performances go all over the place, but we have to mention Hungry like the wolf - By Duran Duran, wich made the family cheer him.

Fulgrim: the second most into music!!! He jump after that and does an AMAZING rendition of Womanizer - By Britney Spears. With the choreography. Ferrus is visibly sweating, it's too early for this. Mjød is brought to the table to deal with this, and shit start getting out of hand.

Sanguinius: Grab the mic next, because he had no fear of going after Fulgrim, and actually start signing Tous les mêmes - by Stromae. He love this kind of music and it means nothing, really... Except that Horus is now making a face.

Ferrus: after drinking some liquid courage and because it would make Fulgrim happy- stumble his way through Uptown Girl - by Billy Joel. It's adorable. And he get some wolf whistles his way.

Jaghatai: shit is getting too couply, time to bring some TRADITIONAL signing in here. Goes up and sign Erbed Sookher -- By Aryuna Nimaeva, with full on throat signing. Everyone is slow blinking, but leman is fucking THRILLED. slap Jaghatai on the back and demand to be taught how to throat sign!! The two start sharring alchool and??? They are???? Getting along?!????!?!!!

Magnus: has had too much to drink at this point, because he's a nerdy lightweight. Stumble on stage, and someone (Fulgrim) put on Everytime We Touch - by Cascada. Yell more than he sign but it make everyone laugh and cheer.

Vulkan: He wants to sign toooo!! He's getting!!! Pumped up!!! Definitlt not the best vocalist, and everyone is surprised by him picking MIC Drop -- By BTS by oh my GOD foes he have the right attitude to pull that shit off?!?!

Roboute: He's also getting quite drunk, and he's quite happy, so he pull up one of his fav song Piano Man -- by Billy Joel. Horus start complaining that it's the second time Billy Joel has been pulled up. Sanguinius try to calm him down. Turn out, he took Sang's song pretty personal. Robby is low key sad no one listened to him singing.

Horus: Pissed now, and had too much of a drink. Go on stage, grab the mic and perform Look What You Made Me Do -- by Taylor Swift. Yes he's a petty bitch like that. Sanguinius look like he's about to cry.

Corvus: oh now she's pissed. Grab theic, and perform, while DIRECTLY pointing Horus, Fuck you -- By Lily Allen. Leman is laughing so hard he fall in Lion's laps and stay there. Gracefully throw the mic randomly to her bros when she's done

Mortarion: he's terrified. He can't sing. He doesn't have the voice with his respirator. Someone take pity on him. And put I Want It That Way -- by Backstreet Boys. This is actually a good move, because everyone is also siging and covering his lack of voice.

Alpharius and Omegon: they snatch the mic and perform Levan Polkka -- By Hatsune Miku. Somehow, leaks are produced and they got the dance on POINT. Everyone is confuse. Vulkan is kinda into it.

Angron: he's mind is getting weird between the nails and the booze, but oh my GOD does he being the house down when he start singing Killing in the name -- By Rage Against The Machine. Konrad seem especially into it.

Konrad: he's vibrating. He wanna do a song too now. No one knew he even liked musics. End up performing a frankly HILARIOUS Bohemian Rapsody -- By The Queen. Does every part freakishly well. The night is starting to slow down considerably, as everyone is getting reaaaally drunk.

Lorgar: he's.... Very, very drunk. Does an absolutly gut wrenching performance of Loosing my religion -- by R.E.M. end up a sobbing mess at the end, splayed on Magnus, Sanguinius and Corvus's knees. Horus is still in the dog house. Leman is now asleep against Lion.

Rogal: See that Roboute is still sad that he didn't get to sing Piano man, so he grab him, and they duo We Didn't Start The Fire -- by Billy Joel. It's not the best as they are both stumbling around drunk but by god is it fun.

Perturabo: He mad to go after Rogal, especially when everyone is super drunk and getting ready to leave... But he still take the time to Sing Bad Day -- by Daniel Powter. It make a few of his bros smile, and they all start leaving.

Lion: he wait until everyone has left, and gently sing Des p'tits bout de toi -- by Roxanne Bruneau, very very softly and gently to a sleeping Leman in his laps, while he pet his hairs. Yes, he has a crush, and didn't want anyone else to hear him sing. Leman smile in his sleep.

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stranded-labyrinth · 2 years ago

Text

given that hannibal fans have been talking recently about movies that have some hannibal vibes, i'd like to put forth a recommendation.

The Watcher (2000)

Joel Campell (James Spader): a sweaty, diabetic fbi agent that doesn't take care of himself beyond going to therapy.

David Allen Griffin (Keanu Reeves): a grungy, flirtatious, stalker serial killer who is desperate for the attention of the fbi agent when he's not too busy strangling random women with piano wire.

Polly (Marisa Tomei): a sweet yet professional therapist who cares about joel's well-being, and sheds a new light on things involving griffin.

the premise of the movie is that the case got to be too much for Joel, so he dropped it and moved from L.A. to Chicago just to get away from it. Griffin decidedly didn't like that, as things weren't fun without him, and chose to follow him, deciding to make things easier on the poor man by sending him a photo of his intended victim a day in advance.

essentially, imagine a movie in which Will was investigating The Chesapeake Ripper while never having actually met Hannibal before. the case becomes too much, Will moves away and starts therapy with Alana, and Hannibal follows. there's even someone in Jack Crawford's position, only a lot more forgiving toward the agent.

i'm fully willing to accept that it could just be me that sees the similar vibes, but i'd like to share regardless. the trailer's available on youtube still (but you have to add the 2000 or they'll think you mean the show)

#am i asking for a crossover fic?#obviously #hannibal #im almost afraid to flood other hannibal tags with this #please also keep the time period in mind #2000 was not the fruitiest era

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duhragonball · 7 years ago

Text

[FIC] Luffa: The Legendary Super Saiyan (71/?)

Disclaimer: This story features characters and concepts based on Dragon Ball, which is a trademark of Bird Studio/Shueisha and Toei Animation. This is an unauthorized work, and no profit is being made on this work by me. This story is copyright of me. Download if you like, but please don’t archive it without my permission. Don’t be shy.

Continuity Note: About 1000 years before the events of Dragon Ball Z.

Previous chapters conveniently available here.

[6 February 234 Before Age. Nat-Chezz II.]

“There, you see, it was written right here in the book.”

Zaperc held the dog-eared paperback open with one hand and jabbed his leathery finger onto a particular page he had highlighted. Despite being completely outmatched, he seemed to be utterly assured that the book would somehow vindicate him.

Luffa snatched it away from him and glanced at the cover. She was about to ask if Zaperc had lost his mind, until she saw her own name.

The book was entitled: The Luffa Way: The Path to Unlocking the Success Secrets and Awakening Your Inner Legend. There was a picture of a glowing golden figure, which Luffa supposed was meant to be her, but it looked more like a Saiyan man. On the back cover was a small photograph of the author, an unctuous-looking man with a toothy, insincere grin and a pretentious gleam in his eyes.

“Who the hell is this guy?” Luffa demanded. “I had nothing to do with this!”

“But... but how did you manage to unlock your inner legend without Luffa’s book?” Zaperc asked.

“I am Luffa, you dimwit!” she shouted. She pointed at the short, thick hair that now glowed yellow on her scalp. “And I didn’t get this way by reading any book.”

At her feet, Zaperc’s son, Brockle, rolled away from her and sat upright. “Don’t be... don’t be ridiculous!” he said as he struggled to catch his breath. “You can’t be Luffa! According to the book—“

“The book!” Luffa growled. “The book! Is that why you weaklings took over this planet? So you could sit around and read all day?!”

“Weaklings?” Brockle sputtered. “How dare—?”

With a contemptuous snort, Luffa tapped him on the shoulder and he collapsed to the floor. Ignoring his groaning, she sat on his back and started flipping through the pages.

“I’ve been photographed at least a hundred thousand times,” she grumbled. “Can’t even wear that sundress I bought without some creep waiting for me to fly away.”

“Brockle!” cried Zaperc.

“Get... off.... me!” Brockle grunted.

“Oh, it was always satisfying to kill them,” Luffa muttered to herself. “That look in their eyes when they realized they just laid down their lives for a picture of somebody’s butt. But there was no challenge to it, and I can’t just waste my life picking off photographers.”

“Believe in your inner legend, son!” Zaperc said. “You can do it!”

But Brockle could not do it. Though he flailed his arms and legs mightily, Luffa had him pinned firmly to the ground. She crossed her knees and licked her finger as she continued to page through the book.

“All they’ve got in here are 'artists’ conceptions',” Luffa said. “And every 'eyewitness account' I see in here is from some planet I’ve never been to! Wait a minute. Planet Krouton? That’s not even a real planet!”

“You can do it, son!” Zaperc cheered. “Unless... she really is Luffa...”

“I went to Krouton in some made-up story a fan wrote about me!” Luffa seethed. She looked up at Zaperc with disbelief. “Whoever wrote this thing must have seen the same thing and thought it was a true story! You mean you twits were taking advice from this? No wonder you’re all so weak!”

“But there has to be some truth to it,” Zaperc said. “Your transformed state. Your role in creating the Federation... and you defeated thirty Saiyans on Vedev III—“

“Fifty Saiyans,” Luffa said sharply. “And most of that bunch were a lot stronger than your little band of raiders.”

“Raiders!” Zaperc exclaimed. “No, you don’t understand! We didn’t come here to loot this world. We came here to be its champions!”

Luffa closed the book and glared at him suspiciously.

*******

In the galley of the Emerald Eye, Luffa chopped vegetables while Zatte leaned against the opposite counter.

“Let me get this straight,” Zatte said between bites of a taproot. “Some guy you’ve never heard of wrote a self-help book, and made it all about you. Even though he’s never met you, and he never got permission from you.”

“Right,” Luffa said without looking up from her work. “You want some blue-cress in this? I’m in the mood for blue-cress.”

“Go for it,” Zatte said. “But this guy writes a book and puts your name on it to help it sell. Then this Zaperc guy buys a copy, and he thinks it’s some kind of Saiyan Holybook.”

Luffa tensed up at the sound of that, and the rhythm of her knife on the cutting board was disrupted. “I mean, yeah,” Luffa said, “but when you put it that way...”

“But I thought the other Saiyans all believed you were a phony,” Zatte said. “They don’t believe Saiyans can transform the way you do, so they think you’re not a real Saiyan.”

“Apparently the guy who wrote that book did a better job convincing Zaperc than I ever could,” Luffa said. “Not that I ever tried to convince anyone. If my people want to pretend I’m an alien imposter to soothe their egos, that’s their problem. But Zaperc’s gang is buying into a whole other set of lies. He thinks I’m a man who awakened his 'inner legend’ through the power of positive thinking or some other malarkey.”

“Don’t be too hard on them,” Zatte said. “Positivity got them this far, didn’t it? They got your attention, after all.”

“But they didn’t come to this planet to get my attention,” Luffa said. “They came here to make some half-assed imitation of what I did with the Federation. They want to defend Nat-Chezz from anyone who tries to invade it. Sort of what I’ve been doing, but on a smaller scale.”

“And it worked,” Zatte said. “You showed up and gave them a bigger challenge than they ever would have found roaming around space, picking fights they knew they could win.”

“Challenge,” Luffa scoffed. “Against me, they’re like a bunch of ants trying to bring down a dinosaur.”

“What about the Chezzi?” Zatte asked. “Are they okay with their new ’champions’?”

“I talked to their king,” Luffa said. “He’s totally on board with this idea, but I think it’s just because he likes having a bunch of Saiyans working for him. A lot of big shots are like that. They see a Saiyan bodyguard as a status symbol. ‘Look at me, this guy can fight a whole army and he does whatever I tell him.’ That kind of thing.”

“Like when Wildthyme was controlling us,” Zatte said.

“Exactly,” Luffa said, pausing to point her knife at the ceiling. “That little bastard could have made me do all sorts of things for him, but all he really wanted was for me to stand around and make him feel important. Same thing here, only I don’t think the Chezzi king knows what he’s gotten himself into.”

“Do they even need protection?” Zatte asked.

Luffa nodded while she scraped diced peppers into a bowl. “They’ve got a lot of scandium resources, whatever that is. They’ve been conquered a few times before, which is probably why those villagers I talked to were so confused. They probably just thought I was kicking Zaperc out to seize the planet for myself.”

“This sounds kind of complicated,” Zatte said.

“I know. That’s why I’m gonna uncomplicate it. If these fourth-rate Saiyans are going to go around interfering in people’s business, that’s one thing. But they’re doing it in my name, and that really ticks me off.”

“Where do we start?” Zatte asked.

“We?” Luffa asked. “These are Saiyans, Zattie. They may be weaklings, but they’re still dangerous.”

“I’ve lived with one for a while,” Zatte said. “She’s moody, but I eventually showed her who’s boss.”

“Yeah, well this is serious, boss,” Luffa said.

“So am I,” Zatte said. “Like it or not, you’re an inspiration to these people, just like you’re an inspiration to me. It’s going to be weird for them to see their golden hero as a real person. I still have trouble with it sometimes, and I’ve known you for years. I might be able to connect with them better than you can.”

Luffa continued chopping silently for a while, then at last said: “Okay, maybe you’ve got a point. I’ll bring you along.”

Zatte began to make an excited noise, until Luffa cut her off by adding: “On one condition. Don’t embarrass me in front of them. Most of them still don’t know what to make of me. The last thing I need is an oversexed Dorlun confusing them even more.”

“Of course not,” Zatte said. “I know how you feel about public displays of affection.”

“I’m not saying you need to pretend like you don’t know me,” Luffa said. “Handholding is fine. No kissing, though.”

“I know the drill.”

“I mean it, Zattie.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

*******

[7 February 234 Before Age. Nat-Chezz II.]

The Saiyans were gathered together just outside “Fort Luffa”, which was a mansion that had been donated by a wealthy Chezzi, albeit begrudgingly. Some of them were sitting on the ground or large stones, while others had taken furniture from the mansion. Luffa’s star-yacht was parked a hundred yards away.

There were seven in all. Zaperc was about sixty, but Saiyans aged very little through most of their life span, and so he looked very much like his young son, Brockle. Both were pale skinned, but Brockle was a head taller than his father, while Zaperc had a long ghoatee at the end of his chin.

Lounging on a couch was Bodi, the first Saiyan Luffa had encountered on this planet. He kept leering at her over a pair of cheap sunglasses, and raising one of his thick eyebrows as if to convey his interest. The last time he had tried to flirt with Luffa, she knocked the wind out of him. Apparently that punch hadn’t gotten the message across, or he just looked like that all the time. Luffa planned to hit him again either way.

Vigurd had a very stocky body, the sort that would strike terror into the hearts of her enemies, except that her ruddy, cherubic face had a sickly sweet innocence to it that completely undermined her attitude. She was scowling at Luffa for giving her a bloody nose in their last encounter, but her angry expression only made her look even cuter. It was a sad lot in life to be so adorable, but Luffa respected Vigurd’s determination to overcome her deformity.

Lesseri, on the other hand, was at least 70 inches tall, with an extremely muscular build and long shaggy hair that went down to her hips. Her complexion was somewhat darker than Luffa’s which seemed to compliment the countours of her mesomorphic body. Luffa was a married woman, of course, but a Saiyan with Lesseri’s physique made her consider what might have been.

Hijik was a thin, bitter-looking man with only a tuft of black hair at the center of his otherwise bare scalp. He beady eyes regarded Luff with complete contempt. It was obvious to her that his disdain for her ran deeper than her quick victory over their group yesterday.

Finally, there was Jikama, who barely warranted Luffa’s attention. He had red hair and eyes, and his build was chunky, but not to the same extend at Vigurd. Like the others he viewed Luffa with distrust, but she cared very little what any of them thought of her. All she wanted from them now was her attention.

“You claim to be defending this planet, but none of you even sensed me coming until I was already in your lair,” Luffa said. “I wasn’t using my full power, but I still should have been hard to miss, so I’m guessing that means none of you were paying attention.”

Zaperc was the first to speak up for the group. “We were, uh, resting after a long patrol—“

“All seven of you?” Luffa asked. “At the same time? If I had been a real enemy I could have destroyed you all from orbit.”

“Where do you get off telling us how to handle ourselves?” Hijik demanded. “I only joined this group because Zaperc said it would help me get stronger.” He glanced at Vigurd and Lesseri before turning back to Luffa. “But so far all I’ve gotten is an earful from a bunch of women.”

Luffa smiled. “I thought you might have a beef with me, Hijik,” she said. “So let’s get it out into the open.”

“You’re no Super Saiyan,” Hijik said. “I don’t know what that transformation is, but you can’t be as strong as Chanisp was.”

“And why not?” Luffa asked.

“Because...! Because look at you! Everyone knows Saiyan women lack the fighting skills of men. You can’t get angry enough to tap into your full power. It’s simple biology!”

“Come and show me then,” Luffa said. She held out her arm and curled in her fingers to invite him to attack. “Unless you’re afraid.”

Vigurd and Lesseri chuckled at this. Zaperc looked at him expectantly, but Hijik didn’t move.

“Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” he scoffed. “You’ll just thrash me like you did yesterday, and pretend you’ve proven me wrong. Well let me tell you something: You women have been pushing us around long enough, and if you’re not careful—“

“Let me tell you something, Hijak,” Luffa broke in. “You’re all talk. I’m guessing you only threw in with Zaperc because you wanted to find some shortcut, some way to prove you’re genetically superior to half of our race. If I were a man, you’d take that as proof that you’re further ahead than any Saiyan woman, even if they happen to be stronger than you. But I’m not a man, am I? So where does that leave you? Let’s find out.”

Luffa snapped her fingers and suddenly Zatte appeared beside her, as though materializing out of thin air. She dropped a supply bag at her feet and waved cordially to the group.

“Who’s she?” Brockle asked.

“She’s my wife,” Luffa said.

“Oh, wonderful,” Hijik grumbled.

“Zatte isn’t very strong,” Luffa said, but she’s got some interesting abilities. You’ve already seen how she can camouflage herself. Even I couldn’t sense her until she revealed hersel—“

Luffa happened to glance at Zatte while she spoke, and this completely derailed her train of thought. The Dorlun woman was wearing a one-piece swimsuit, with the words “Super Saiyan Club President” printed on the front. The rest of her outfit consisted of combat boots, a cropped leather jacket, gun holsters strapped to her bare legs, and her usual eyepatch. She was eating a small lollipop, and occasionally adjusted the stick with her hand.

“There’s a club?” asked Vigurd.

Luffa stared at Zatte, who grinned back at her. “We talked about this,” Luffa whispered.

“It’s hot out here,” Zatte said. “And this is my favorite swimsuit. Unless you wanted me to go back to the ship and get the one you seem to like so much.” She reached out and tapped Luffa on the tip of her nose when she said "you".

“No!” Luffa said quickly, her face turning red. “No, this is fine.”

“I knew you’d see things my way, dear,” Zatte said as she kissed Luffa on the cheek.

“Hey!” Luffa yelped.

“Enough of this!” Hijik whined. “I didn’t come here to watch you show off your alien consort!”

"I *brought* her here as a challenge," Luffa said, suddenly regaining her focus. "You don’t seem to eager to fight me Hijik, so why don’t you take on her?"

"That’s absurd!" Brockle objected.

"Is it?!" Luffa shouted. "Your father was willing to do whatever I said when he thought it was in that stupid book! Well, I flipped through it last night, and I did find a couple of things I liked. "That line about 'Never backing down from a challenge’?"

Brockle looked to Zaperc, who nodded in agreement.

"You shouldn’t need me or anyone else to tell you that. Least of all some alien hack who’s never set foot on a battlefield," Luffa went on. "It should be burning in your blood. You should be excited to fight me, Hijik, or Zatte, or anyone else who comes along. But you’re too afraid of losing, of having to rethink your opinions."

"What species is she?" Hijik asked carefully.

"What difference does it make?" Luffa demanded. "You’re strong enough to defeat her. You have the advantage, which was why I planned to drop you two off in a jungle a couple thousand miles from here. Nice game of hide and seek."

Zatte took a pistol from one of her holsters and checked the settings. "You did say you wanted heavy stun, right?" she asked.

"Definitely," Luffa said. "You might have to hit some of these guys twice to bring them down though."

"Whatever you say, sweetie," Zatte said.

Luffa blushed again, and a few of the other Saiyans did as well.

"Will you cut that out?" Luffa hissed.

Zatte simply grinned and checked her other weapons.

"But... I can’t sense her ki," Hijik blubbered. "And if she can become invisible..."

Bodi suddenly stood up and removed his glasses. "So it’s a snipe hunt? Very well! I accept. Tracking pretty girls is my specialty. Take heart, Hijik! If this alien smells as lovely in the jungle as she does here, then the day is already won." He struck a pose and added: "Game Over!"

Luffa took one of Zatte’s guns and shot him Bodi in the chest. He curled up into a ball and began groaning from the pain.

"He’s right," Luffa said. "You can sniff her out, but don’t think that she’ll just stand still and leave an easy trail to follow. Not to mention that she’ll be hunting you while you hunt for her. One time she... what is that?"

They all began curiously sniffing at the air, except for Zatte, who was spraying something onto her body.

"Camphor," Zatte said. "It’s good insect repellent, and the smell’s kind of nice. I always bring along way more than I need, though."

She looked at the bottle and stroked her chin. "Well, whatever I don’t use, I can always dump onto a tree or something."

Luffa was genuinely surprised by this. "Well," she said. “So much for trackin her scene. I guess you could still hear her if you pay close attention."

"None of you heard me when I put all those stinkbombs a few minutes ago," Zatte said.

Vigurd blinked twice and asked "What stinkbo-- AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW!"

Suddenly they were all holding their noses and groaning as a putrid, sulfurous odor permeated the entire site. Luffa took a step back, but she was too amazed by Zatte’s tactics to properly defend herself against them.

"I know my weaknesses," Zatte explained. "And I take steps to compensate for them. More importantly, I make it my business to know my enemy’s weaknesses. You Saiyans are used to getting by with brute force solutions, but small fry like me don’t always have that luxury."

She approached Luffa and wrapped her arms around her. Luffa was perturbed, but didn’t try to stop her. "I’ve watched this lady do some incredible thing,” Zatte said. “But I’ve also had to wash skunk spray off her because she didn’t think ahead. She could blow up this whole planet, but she gets uptight if I get too affectionate around other people."

She pointed at Hijik. "And you," she said. "You’re more easily flustered than Luffa is, but nowhere near as strong. The sad thing is that you’ve got a good chance of catching me in that jungle, but you’re so afraid of getting shown up by an alien woman that you’ve already mentally given up."

"This is stupid," Hijik whined. "You two are just setting me up to fail! Why should I play your sick game if I can’t win?"

"Because failure is the best teacher," Luffa said. "I didn’t get this strong by being undefeated. Neither did Chanisp or Old Darbock, or the other old heroes. We Saiyans grow stronger when we’re pushed to our limits. Or did you forget that because it wasn’t written in that book of yours?"

Zaperc shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"You should be fortifying the planet," Luffa said. "Drilling with each other and planning defense strategies with the local military. I didn’t start the Federation so I could lounge around in someone else’s house all day while I waited for an easy opponent to show up at my door," Luffa said. "I was looking for a challenge. Something to work on.

"The Chezzi king authorized our use of the mansion," Brockle said as he pointed towards it.

"Fine, but he’s not forcing you to stay inside it all day!" Luffa replied. "None of you were remotely prepared for a fight."

"So what?" Lesseri asked. "You would have beaten us either way. I told you it was stupid to stay in one place, Zaperc. It takes away our option to retreat."

"Retreat?!" Luffa shouted. "Is that all you think of when a strong opponent shows up? Where’s your Saiyan pride?"

"What good is pride if I’m dead?" Lesseri said with a shrug.

"My people say the same thing," Zatte said with an understanding smile.

Luffa shot her a dirty look and Zatte quickly added: "Sorry."

"I’l let you all in on a little secret,” Luffa said with an evil grin. “We’re all going to die. How and when is up to us. Or did your mother tell you differently, Lesseri? When she taught you to fight, did she tell you not to bother, since you’d just outlive all your enemies anyway?"

"My mother?" Lesseri scoffed. "She abandoned me to a gestation facility as soon as she found out she was pregnant." She raised her arm and flexed it, showing off her sizeable bicep. "I got this far on my own."

Luffa was shocked by her words. "Gestation facility!?" she exclaimed.

"The one on Wexloi Sigma?" Vigurd asked.

"Matter of fact, yeah," Lesseri said.

"They’ve got a good outfit there," Vigurd said. "I had my twins gestated there."

"How could you let them do that to your own children?!" Luffa gasped.

"Let them?" Vigurd said with a laugh. "It was my idea, ’sweetie’. They certainly charged me enough for it. 6500 credits just for the prenatal extraction."

"Ouch," Lesseri said.

"That’s per embryo, by the way," Vigurd added. "Which is stupid. It’s not like they had to do two surgeries. And don’t get me started on the nutrient bath fees."

"That’s monstrous!" Luffa said. "Why would you--?"

"What was I supposed to do?" Vigurd shot back. "Lounge around the house until I gave birth to them? Skip perfectly good battles just to nurse a pair of ungrateful brats? Where’s your Saiyan pride?"

Luffa clenched her fists and began grinding her teeth.

"Hey, uh, maybe we need to get on with the training," Zatte said. "I’ve got the jungle’s coordinates, so we can all just rendezvous there and get started--"

“Good point, Vigurd,” Lesseri said. “Seize the day, I always say. You can’t wait for your enemies to die of old age. At least, that’s what that bitchy Super Saiyan told me.”

Luffa cut her off. "Since you like options so much, Lesseri, I’ll give you all one. You can either help Hijik chase Zatte in the jungle, or you can spar with me."

"Suits me fine," Lesseri said. "I’d rather take a beating than listen to any more of your sermons."

"Fall. Out." Luffa said through gritted teeth.

*******

"Well, that could have gone better," Zatte said after they were gone.

Luffa didn’t answer, except to make a low growl.

"I’m, uh, sorry for how I acted," Zatte said. "I was trying to get a psychological edge, and I figured if I could throw you off balance, then I could definitely rattle them."

"You were great, Zattie," she said. "Took me a while to catch on, but you’re a genius. You knew just what buttons to push."

"Oh, well... thanks. Listen, we knew they’d be rough around the edges. They’re angry and disillusioned, and we’re gonna have to break them down before we can build them back up. So don’t let anything they say get to you--"

"That’s not it," Luffa muttered."

"Then what’s wrong?" Zatte said.

Luffa looked at her and sighed. Her expression was as wild and resolute as ever, but Zatte couldn’t help but noticed a weariness in Luffa’s eyes.

"I’m not sure what’s wrong," Luffa said grimly. "But I’m starting to think it might be me."

NEXT: The Games We Play

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sapphicstede · 3 years ago

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An OMFD Jukebox Musical

*FIRST DRAFT*

Act 1

Our prologue (Billy Brown by Mika) is sung by Frenchie and the Crew. Giving a look into what is to come in Stede’s journey (in a sort of Romeo and Juliet way).

After we’re settled in and aquatinted with The Revenge and it’s swashbuckling crew we are introduced to Nigel and the British Navy singing Fancy by Iggy Azalea.

^^ I had a hard time choosing a song for this moment so don’t hate me for this choice

After Stede has learned how to stun someone he has sings I Can’t Decide by Scissor Sisters as soliloquy.

After considering mutiny the crew is pleased and surprised to hear that Stede, of all people, has “brutally murdered” a British officer. They cheer him on by singing Some Nights by Fun.

^^ another song I considered instead of Some Nights was Where You Lead by Carole King. Imagine Lucius cautiously starting it and getting the crew to, begrudgingly, join along.

That night, Pete retells the tales of when he was on Blackbeards crew as he sings Bat Out of Hell by Meatloaf.

The next morning, the crew begins to fantasize about how life would be if they were “real” pirates on Blackbeards Crew. The crew sings Wouldn’t it Be Nice? by The Beach Boys.

^^ not a required song, but it’s cute.

Stede’s crew begins to go on their “vacations” as we are introduced to Blackbeard’s men singing Paint it Black by The Rolling Stones.

^^ I also like the idea of Izzy singing Fuck You by Lily Allen

Time passes and the crew ends up at the Republic of Pirates where Spanish Jackie is introduced by singing Therefore I Am by Billie Eilish.

After being tricked into boarding a Spanish Naval ship, Blackbeard saves the crew and the company sings Our Prayer by The Beach Boys.

After saving Stede, Blackbeard begins to bond with the Gentleman Pirate. A montage of their friendship blossoming goes along with the pair singing a duet version of Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy by Queen.

Izzy becomes fed up with how attracted Ed is to Stede. He confronts his captain and sings S&M by Rihanna.

As Ed and Stede become closer and closer they begin to teach each other their own strengths. Stede and Ed decide to practice the art of passive aggression at a grand aristocratic party. As the party becomes chaos the cast sings Ballroom Blitz by Sweet.

While Stede and Ed are at the party, sexual tensions begin to rise between Lucius and Izzy. Lucius graciously turns Izzy’s advances down by singing Never Gonna Happen by Lily Allen.

We finish act one by seeing Chauncey promise to find Stede as he sings Everybody by The Backstreet Boys.

Act 2:

We begin Act 2 with Stede singing Come Sail Away by Styx to Ed as their friendship is blossoming.

As Ed is telling the crew the horror story of the Kraken he sings Hayloft by Mother Mother.

Izzy becomes fed up with Ed’s attraction to Stede and tells Ed he has to make a choice by singing Lay All Your Love on Me by ABBA.

Once the crew begins their Fuckery and bring in the Kraken, ultimately scaring Ed, they sing a “reprise” of Ed’s song (ie Hayloft 2 by Mother Mother).

Ed realizes that he’s in way over his head and believes that no one loves him for who he truly is. He sings Nobody by Mitski to Stede.

Stede comforts Ed by singing a romantic ballad reprise of Come Sail Away.

While visiting St. Augustine Jim discusses what their life growing up was like to Olu by singing Sinister Kid by The Black Keys .

Later in the act we see Buttons singing Dancing in the Moonlight by King Harvest to Karl as he bathes in the moons glow.

We see all of the men fighting over Ed and how they want him to present himself in a quartet rendition of Boys by Britney Spears.

Obviously the Act 2 finale is The Chain by Fleetwood Mac.

Act 3:

We begin Act 3 with Stede singing Vienna by Billy Joel as he confesses to his crimes to Nigel.

As Ed chooses to invoke the Act of Grace he sings a very sweet, romantic rendition of I Was Made for Loving You by Kiss.

As Ed and Stede begin their new life together Ed imagines all of the things he can do now that he’s free from the ego of Blackbeard. He sings One of Things First by Nick Drake.

Ed reveals his plan to run away with Stede and sings Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow by Carole King.

Chauncey attacks Stede and sings Emperor’s New Clothes by Panic at the Disco.

Ed and Stede sing a duet version of Dirty Work by Steely Dan as Stede leaves to return to Mary and his children.

Ed and Izzy sing Feel Better by Penelope Scott as Ed is dealing with the heartbreak of Stede leaving.

As the crew prepares for their talent show they sing Somebody To Love by Queen.

As Stede prepares to fake his death so he can return to Ed he sings Rocket Man by Elton John to Mary.

The “show’s” finale is a dark version of Happy Together by The Turtles.

#Spotify #ofmd lucius #ofmd frenchie #ofmd #ofmd edward teach #ofmd spoilers #ed ofmd #ofmd stede #our flag means gay #our flag means death #oluwande ofmd

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spaceorphan18 · 3 years ago

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Season 1 Songs in Chronological order of release

A couple of things

Duplicates were eliminated

Broadway songs were done by when the show premiered

A few of the songs are the release dates of the versions popularized by other artists - such as Over the Rainbow - to reflect the artists they chose to emulate

Mash ups were broken up, and songs are treated individually here

If you guys enjoy this - I’ll make ones for the rest of the show, including an comprehensive list. ;)

1936 -"Sing, Sing, Sing (With a Swing)" - Louis Prima 1936 - "Smile" -Nat King Cole 1937 - "The Lady Is a Tramp" - Sammy Davis, Jr. 1950 - "Sit Down, You're Rockin' the Boat" - Guys and Dolls 1956 - "I Could Have Danced All Night" - My Fair Lady 1957 - "Tonight"- West Side Story 1959 - "Rose's Turn" - Gypsy: A Musical Fable 1960 - "Where Is Love? -"Oliver! 1963 - "It's a Man's Man's Man's World"- James Brown 1964 - "Don't Rain on My Parade" - Funny Girl 1964 - "A House Is Not a Home" - Dionne Warwick 1964 - "Funny Girl" - Barbra Streisand 1966 - I Say a Little Prayer" - Dionne Warwick 1966 - Maybe This Time” - Cabaret 1966 - "Cabaret" - Cabaret 1966 - "You Keep Me Hangin' On" - The Supremes 1967 - "Respect" - Aretha Franklin 1967 - "Hello, Goodbye" - The Beatles 1967 - "To Sir, with Love" - Lulu 1968 - Young Girl - Gary Puckett & The Union Gap 1968 - "Hello, I Love You" - The Doors 1968 - "Dream a Little Dream of Me" - The Mamas and the Papas 1969 - "Leaving on a Jet Plane" - John Denver 1969 - "Sweet Caroline" - Neil Diamond 1969 - "Proud Mary" - Ike and Tina Turner 1969 - "You Can't Always Get What You Want" - The Rolling Stones 1970 - "One Less Bell to Answer - The 5th Dimension 1971 - "You're the One That I Want" - Grease 1971 - "Imagine" - John Lennon 1972 - "Lean on Me" - Bill Withers 1973 - "Piano Man" - Billy Joel 1973 - “Dream On" - Aerosmith 1974 - "(You're) Having My Baby" - Paul Anka and Odia Coates 1974 - "Tell Me Something Good" - Rufus and Chaka Khan 1975 - "Mister Cellophane" - Chicago 1975 - "All by Myself" - Eric Carmen 1975 - "Home" - The Wiz 1975 - "Run Joey Run" - David Geddes 1975 - "Give Up the Funk - "Parliament 1975 - "Bohemian Rhapsody" - Queen 1976 - "Somebody to Love" - Queen 1976 - "Shout It Out Loud" - Kiss 1976 - "Beth" - Kiss 1978 - "Le Freak" - Chic 1978 - "Fire" - The Pointer Sisters 1979 - "Highway to Hell" - AC/DC 1979 - "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'" - Journey 1980 - "Another One Bites the Dust" - Queen 1980 - Any Way You Want It - Journey 1981 - "Don't Stop Believin'" - Journey 1981 - "Endless Love" - Lionel Richie and Diana Ross 1981 - "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" - Dreamgirls 1981 - "Hello Again" - Neil Diamond 1981 - "Physical" - Olivia Newton-John 1981 - "Jessie's Girl" - Rick Springfield 1982 - "Dancing with Myself" - Generation X 1982 - "The Safety Dance" - Men Without Hats 1983 - "Alone" - Heart 1983 - "Jump" - Van Halen 1983 - "Total Eclipse of the Heart" - Bonnie Tyler 1983 - "Pink Houses" - John Mellencamp 1983 - "Faithfully" - Journey 1984 - "Can't Fight This Feeling" - REO Speedwagon 1984 - "Hello" - Lionel Richie 1984 - “Borderline" - Madonna 1984 - "Like a Virgin" - Madonna 1985 - "On My Own" - Les Misérables 1985 - Walking on Sunshine - Katrina and the Waves 1985 - "I Dreamed a Dream" - Les Misérables 1986 - Don't Stand so Close to Me - The Police 1986 - "Papa Don't Preach" - Madonna 1986 - "Hair" - Hair 1986 - "True Colors" - Cyndi Lauper 1986 - Open Your Heart - Madonna 1987 - "Push It" - Salt-n-Pepa 1989 - "Bust a Move" - Young MC 1989 - "Express Yourself" - Madonna 1989 - "Like a Prayer" - Madonna 1990 - "Poison" - Bell Biv DeVoe 1990 - "Vogue" - Madonna 1990 - "Ice Ice Baby" - Vanilla Ice 1990 - "U Can't Touch This" - MC Hammer 1990 - "Over the Rainbow" - Israel Kamakawiwoʻole 1991 - "I Wanna Sex You Up" - Color Me Badd 1991 - "Good Vibrations" - Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch 1992 - "One" - U2 1993 - "Loser" - Beck 1994 - "I'll Stand by You" - The Pretenders 1995 - "This Is How We Do It" - Montell Jordan 1998 - "The Boy Is Mine" - Brandy and Monica 2000 - It's My Life - Bon Jovi 2000 - "Thong Song" - Sisqó 2001 - "Ride wit Me" - Nelly feat. City Spud 2001 - "Bootylicious" - Destiny's Child 2001 - "What It Feels Like for a Girl" - Madonna 2002 - "Beautiful" - Christina Aguilera 2003 - "Defying Gravity" - Wicked 2003 - Crazy in Love - Beyonce 2004 - Confessions Part II - Usher 2005 - "Gold Digger" - Kanye West feat. Jamie Foxx 2006 - "Rehab" - Amy Winehouse 2006 - "Keep Holding On" - Avril Lavigne 2006 - "Smile" - Lily Allen 2007 - "Taking Chances" - Céline Dion 2007 - "Hate on Me" - Jill Scott 2008 - "I Kissed a Girl" - Katy Perry 2008 - "Take a Bow" - Rihanna 2008 - "Mercy" - Duffy 2008 - "Bust Your Windows" - Jazmine Sullivan 2008 - "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)" - Beyoncé 2008 - "Last Name"Carrie - Underwood 2008 - Halo - Beyonce 2008 - "No Air" - Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown 2008 - "Gives You Hell" - The All-American Rejects 2008 - "4 Minutes" - Madonna feat.Justin Timberlake 2008 - "Poker Face" - Lady Gaga 2009 - "My Life Would Suck Without You" - Kelly Clarkson 2009 - "Bad Romance" - Lady Gaga

#glee #glee musical retrospective #glee songs #look at that big ole gap in the 90s #also remember the show was released in 2009 - hence all the 2008 releases

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angelasscribbles · 3 years ago

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20 Questions

Thanks so much for the tag @karahalloway!

Nickname: Angie, Ang, gela, and if you’re my ex-husband psycho bitch from hell (said with affection, believe it or not lol)

Zodiac Sign: Aries (the best sign lol)

Height: 5’7

Last Movie I saw: Either Serenity or Cruella, I am behind on my movie watching

Last thing I Googled: political fixer (You’ll understand when the next chapter of Complicated drops, lol, my reason is the same as Kara’s….it’s all about the fan fiction!)

Favorite Musician: singular, not a band? Billy Joel

Song Stuck in my head: Two of them currently: Savage Love by Jason Derulo and Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish

Other Blogs: https://angela-harrison.com/and also, like @karahalloway I haven’t updated since before I started writing fan fiction.

Blogs Following:tons of them, mostly TRR related at the moment

Sleep Patterns: hahaha. Bed somewhere between 1 and 4 am, awake whenever the toddler decides I’m awake. My sleep is trash. I have stupid trouble falling asleep, but once I’m asleep I can sleep forever, if only my kids would let me……

Lucky Numbers: 10

What am I wearing: currently? Yoga pants and a t-shirt.

What would I do if capitalism didn’t exist: spend all day writing most likely

Dream Trip: Ireland.

Favourite Food: Potatoes any way you cook them and Mexican food, or I guess, more properly, Tex-Mex.

Instruments I play: none

Languages I speak: English and sarcasm hahaha. I understand some Spanish, french Italian and Latin. I speak a little Spanish. Muy, muy poco.

Favourite Songs: Code of Silence and The Stranger by Billy Joel, Against the Wind by Bob Seger, Believer by Imagine Dragons.

Random facts about me: Edgar Allen Poe is my favorite Poet and Alone by him is my favorite Poem. I have a lot of kids. Baseball is my favorite sport. Football is up there. Texas Rangers and Dallas Cowboys fan. I cut my teeth on sci-fi/fantasy books. I love horror and all my unpublished short stories are horror. My other blog is full of flash fiction. I love the outdoors. I went through a phase, as a teenager, where I was addicted to reading books about soldiers in Vietnam. (I was obsessed, wrote a paper in college about it, got an A), I live on a farm, I can ride a horse. I lived in a hippie commune when I was four. I’m a bit of an amateur photographer. I was a theater kid and did community theater as an adult.

Tagging @burnsoslow @nestledonthaveone@gkittylove99 @secretaryunpaid @queenrileyrose and anyone else that wants t play!

#20 questions #this is me #about me #angelasscribbles

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365days365movies · 4 years ago

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May 9, 2021: A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001) (Recap: Part One)

Welcome to the future.

At this point, we’ve mostly looked at the past, present, or the near-future (as in, the next ten years, if that). Additionally, we’ve looked either at nonexistent technology in a contemporary setting, or an extension of existing technology taken to a logical next step. But no more. No more realism, no more real-world rules, and nothing that we’re even close to in this reality.

Well...mostly.

That’s genuinely impressive, not gonna lie. Anyway, yeah, from here forwards (for a bit), we’ll be looking at the future and futuristic technology. Now, there are a couple of ways in which these films tend to go. The first big way that we tend to represent the future in film is the same way we always have: flying cars, futuristic technology, smart houses, and robots.

Now, there are countless examples of this future, and it always changes a bit depending on the present. Which, yeah, makes sense. After all, what I’m doing right now, at this moment, would’ve been seen by many people as a massive technological achievement, even around the time that I was born. Which, yes, I’m old, deal with it (because I can’t). Anyway, the way that this begins is with the first major filmed view of a seemingly idyllic future: Fritz Lang’s 1927 film Metropolis.

The overly mechanized (and politically dystopic) society seen in this film, as well as the visuals and technology, would inform our ideas of the future throughout the next century. Multiple themes and common objects reoccur throughout futuristic fiction. You know the stuff I’m talking about. Flying cars, automatic food machines, robotic assistants, video watches, holograms, jetpacks, so on and so forth.

But here’s the thing about the future. It’s always ahead of us, and eventually...well, we’ve gotten to most of those things to some degree. Either they already exist...

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...or is currently being developed.

Well, one of them we’re still working on. And the development of more advanced AI is something we have yet to perfect, or even fully develop. However, the development of A.I. (and the consequences of that technology) are ALL OVER science fiction. Sometimes, they’re merely used for flavor to help establish the futuristic setting.

Sometimes, they’re characters with their own agency and conflicts, which may or may not define the plot. In these cases, they’re often simply there to back up the main human characters, and help with their development, and sometimes their own. You know, manic pixie dream robots.

And then, possibly most often, they’re the abject villains of the piece. they can be mysterious alien technology, like in The Day the Earth Stood Still, or a man-made danger that turns on the race that created and/or abused it.

But then, on occasion, an A.I. is given the chance to develop as a character, without being used to define the development of a human character. Sometimes, the question of what life truly means is raised through these characters, and we become attached to them outside of any other character. This isn’t nearly as common as the others, but it’s definitely not unheard of.

And for the record...things don’t often go well for those AIs. But still, some of those characters have quite a lasting impact. So, there’s quite a lot of potential for this type of character, from a dramatic standpoint. And that potential leads us to the guy who made this.

I WILL MAKE A JURASSIC PARK REFERENCE AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE

Steven Spielberg gives us today’s entry, and this director of a classic science fiction story about science gone awry teamed up with the director of a science fiction film where an artificial intelligence went awry. You know, this thing.

I didn’t forget about HAL. And I won’t forget about him later, either.

Director Stanley Kubrick is pretty well-know for his mind-bending films, especially The Shining and 2001: A Space Odyssey. But he also worked with Spielberg on this film before his death in 1999, as this was one of his dream projects for many years, and the two directors were well-known friends.

And so, eventually, Spielberg was given the reins from Kubrick, and results were...mixed. It’s funny, because I’ve never actually seen this movie, but I remember it through its surprisingly widespread ad campaign. I used to go to NYC as a kid a lot, and there was a massive building-side plastered with the iconic logo of this movie. So, I’ve been hovering around this movie for a long time. Enough navel-gazing!

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (Part One)

It is, unsurprisingly, the future. A marrator informs us that climate change has caused the ice caps to melt, and global flooding drowns several countries. You could say that it’s a...Waterworld.

I genuinely considered watching that movie at some point, and then I decided I liked myself to much to watch 2 hours of Kevin Costner’s emotionless acting. Granted, it’s not much better now, listening to the emotionless acting of...

Professor Allen Hobby (William Hurt) is a straight-up sociopath. OK, technically, he’s a robotics engineer, but dude’s making a speech, right? He talks about how far robots have come, dissing my boi Deep Blue in the process, and notes that pain-memory response can also be demonstrated by robots. He proves this by stabbing a woman in his audience, like RIGHT through the hand. Jesus, man! Why the hell would you do that?

Oh. Holy shit, I got fooled. Advanced technology indeed. But OK, so Sheila’s a robot, and a very advanced one...to us. But Hobby wants more, and proposes to his workers to make a robot that can really TRULY love. And through love may come a true subconscious, which means making a robot that can dream. And what better robot to make than a robot child? After all, all child conception requires a license in this futuristic world, so many childless couples are yearning for a child.

Which is why, twenty months later, the first robot child is offered to Henry and Monica Swinton (Sam Robards and Frances O’Connor), a couple...with a child. Um. Guys. You JUST SAID that there are legit childless couples who need a child, and those people would be best suited to love that robot child back (a VERY GOOD question raised by one of Hobby’s subordinates). So why give it to a couple whose son is still alive? Yeah, he’s got a rare disease that they don’t have a cure for yet, and is currently in cryostasis, BUT THEY HAVE A KID! Surely, that’s going to be a potential emotional conflict! And what if the kid wakes up or some shit? This is a TERRIBLE goddamn idea. Think this shit through, guys.

And yet...

This is David (Haley Joel Osment), Cybertronics’ first child robot, brought home by Henry to essentially replace their son. Which is AMAZINGLY FUCKING TONE-DEAF AND INSANE, GODDAMN. That’s extraordinarily messed up. And, for the record, I totally get what Spielberg’s going for, but Jesus Christ, man. This was a terrible way to go about this. And it gets fucking WORSE.

See, Henry (who actually works for Cybertronics) tells Monica that, once they sign the papers and complete the updates, David will imprint on them and see him as their true parents, loving them unconditionally. Which...yeah, fuck, that’s an entire DUMP TRUCK of ethics issues right there. And, while we’re at it, David is...creepy as shit. I mean it, dude, Haley Joel Osment is a VERY good child actor, but he’s laying on the creepy robot child thing THICK. And yeah, this is BEFORE he imprints on them. Jesus fuck, man, there’s a scene where the still uncomfortable Monica is outside of a glass door, and he looks back at her THROUGH THE DOOR like a goddamn SERIAL KILLER.

And I gotta tell ya, dude does not lay off that creepy-ass dial one iota. And for that matter, the music by John Williams ISN’T FUCKING HELPING. LISTEN to this shit, and imagine a robot child that you don’t know wandering around your house. It’s amazingly fucking creepy.

AND IT JUST. KEEPS. GETTING. WORSE. There’s a scene where they’re all at dinner, right, and David’s just staring at them as they eat, mimicking their actions. After all, he’s a robot, he can’t actually eat or drink anything because of his internal working. And then, out of FUCKING NOWHERE, he starts laughing like the FUCKING JOKER, and it scares the EVER-LOVING SHIT OUT OF ME. And somehow, they laugh alongside him, in the never-ending Stockholm syndrome that is this movie! And as soon as its over, he just STOPS laughing, spontaneously. Fuck me, man, I’m tempted to stop watching here and now, and I’m only TWENTY MINUTES IN! I need a fucking break.

And after that...OF COURSE she decides to activate his imprinting protocols to make him, let me remind you, LOVE HIM FOREVER! She reads out a series of words, and after “FREIGHT CAR”, he knows his mission is to kill the Prime Minister of Sokovia. But first, he’ll settle down and love Monica unconditionally (again, FOREVER), calling her Mommy and making me shit my pants in fear. IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS FUCKING DAVID

Oh, and by the way, isn’t it kinda shitty to do that without Henry being involved AT ALL? Like, cool, he has unconditional maternal love, but Henry wasn’t a part of that conditioning at all! And he still refers to him as “Henry” instead of Dad! However, Henry definitely doesn’t care about that, because he still sees David as only a robot. Hey, guys, maybe using these two as your first experiment with a robot child WAS A TERRIBLE FUCKING IDEA, YOU IDIOTS! No wonder William Hurt was cast as Thunderbolt Ross in the MCU. Already shown he can play a character with shitty ideas before.

Anyway, after this terrible series of events, David prevents the parents from leaving one night due to his childlike antics. When Monica goes to comfort him, he asks how long she’ll live, and tells her that he hope she never dies, a COMPLETELY NORMAL THING TO SAY. Look, I get that he’s a robot, but only a goddamn emotionless sociopath would program emotional responses like this into a robot. Which, given what we’ve seen of Hobby, makes sense.

In response, she gives him Teddy (Jack Angel), a technologically advanced teddy bear with sentience, a personality, and the voice of Astrotrain from The Transformers TV series. Because, yes, I am THAT MUCH of a goddamn nerd.

Soon after, the house gets a phone call, which David receives...literally. He takes the phone and allows it to speak through him. It turns out that, shock beyond shocks, THEIR SON IS CURED! Yeah, fuck. Maybe giving David to a family with a STILL LIVING SON is a fucking ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE IDEA, for about a thousand reasons.

And, fucking understandably, Martin Swinton (Jake Thomas) is a little upset to find out that he’s essentially been replaced by a robot kid. Although, to be fair, he’s also kind of a dick to David, holding his humanity over him and treating him as a toy that he attempts to manipulate and bully. My Lord, this is a massively stupid idea. And Martin immediately shows his dickishness by asking his mother to read Carlo Collodi’s The Adventures of Pinocchio to them. Which is meant to be a punishment for Pinocchio. However, of course, David loves it.

Still, however, there’s trouble in paradise for David, as he tries to compete with Martin for being a real boy, and eats spinach at dinner one evening. Despite Teddy’s mildly ominous warning to him (”YOU WILL BREAK”), he keeps eating until he basically has a stroke and breaks, forcing him to be repaired by some of Cybertronics’ technicians. Monica has a bit of a break down as a result, which Martin notices. This causes Martin to go pure supervillain, manipulating David to do creepy things in order to insert doubt into Monica about David. Jesus, Martin’s a creepy kid, too. No wonder Monica grew to be cool with David, her actual son is a FUCKING SOCIOPATHIC MONSTER! Are there ANY truly normal people in this world? IS THIS WHAT THE FUTURE IS?

Martin convinces David to cut a lock of Monica’s hair while she’s sleeping. And lemme tell ya, a little boy holding scissors over someone while they sleep is not exactly comforting. Henry agrees, and after stopping him, believes that they need to return him. Monica disagrees, knowing that they’ll destroy him if brought back. But David, ever the semi-sociopath himself, ignores any signs of humanity in David and dismisses Monica's feelings for him entirely. He also says this thing about “IF HE CAN BE PROGRAMMED TO LOVE, CAN NOT HE BE PROGRAMM-ED TO HATE?”, which...no. No, he cannot. He didn’t learn to love, he was programmed to. And, again, that’s ethically FUCKED, but taking that into account...no. HE WASN’T PROGRAMMED TO HATE, HENRY. Goddamn, buddy, use your head here.

It’s Martin’s birthday, and his friends at the pool party expose David to the fun world of anti-robot (or Mecha) racism, and test to see if he has Damage Avoidance Systems by threatening him with a knife. And he does. Buuut, when those systems kick in, he goes to the nearest point of safety to keep himself safe. That point is, unfortunately, Martin, whom he gets behind...and accidentally drags into the pool.

Thing is, because of Martin’s recent illness, he can’t exactly swim, meaning that David almost drowns him. When Henry and other partygoers go to save him, they abandon David in the pool completely. And now, David’s fucked. Because although this situation isn’t even a little bit his fault, he also just nearly killed Martin. And so, after seeing notes that he’s been writing to her, Monica offers to take for a “ride in the country”. Which definitely means something good. In reality, she’s planning on taking him back to Cybertronics. But once in the car, there’s a change in plans. And hear me out...it’s arguably far more horrifying.

She decides to abandon him in the woods completely, despite how hard it is for her to leave him. She’s sparing him from death, sure, but also throwing him into a world he doesn’t understand, and for reasons that he doesn’t understand. It’s genuinely terrible. And then...yeah, she leaves him forever, to an uncertain future.

End Act One.

I think this is a good place to stop. It’s early, and I need more coffee to handle this shit. See you in Part Two. Of Three. Yup. It’s a long one.

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