#Joe may or may not be based on my own experience lol

[scimitar-and-longsword]

Hey hope you're well :) Currently at the airport to Italy and then later this week Greece and I'm wondering what your headcanons are about Nicky and Joe when flying :) like who's there three hours early and who arrives ten minutes before take off? xD

Oh my goodness, have so much fun in Italy and Greece! I'm so jealous!

Ok this is such a fun question.

Joe is definitely the early one and Nicky is very lackadaisical about getting to the flight on time. "Yusuf, you need to calm down, we're never late."

I think Nicky falls asleep right away on long flights and Joe can't sleep for the life of him on planes. It's so hard for him to sleep on planes that he gets a little frustrated sitting next to Nicky who sleeps through everything.

Nicky tries so hard to stay awake because he knows Joe gets a little nervous on long flights, but something about the white noise lulls Nicky to sleep every time. Joe doesn't blame Nicky, he just wishes he could sleep through it as easily.

Nicky is very good at planning for this though. He always makes sure they have books and charges phones with movies downloaded. He's always pointing out the in flight movies and snack selection to Joe. So when he does inevitably fall asleep Joe has lots to focus on. "There's a TV Joe!"

I think when the others are there Nicky sits with Andy and they both peacefully sleep, while Nile and Joe are up trying to distract each other talking about art.

Booker sits by himself because he somehow keeps Andy and Nicky awake by talking too much. And freaks Joe and Nile out more by talking about all the things that could go wrong with the plane... Oh Booker.

Once they land Nicky does get a bit more anxious about losing luggage. Joe is just so relieved to be off the plane he doesn't even care. "Nicky, we only had two bags. It's fine, the Uber will be here in 5 mins." "No Joe, I'm sure we had 3 bags!" (They only had 2)

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

I know you don't like discussing the muses but i love your takes and perspectives and i had to ask you about this. after listening to ttpd, did you have the impression that she really loved matty more than any of her exes/previous relationships?. And listening to the whole album as a whole would you call it the ''matty album'' or do you think there are more prominent themes in there than their period together?. (hope this doesn't bother you, feel free to delete if you don't feel like answering it)

hey anon! You're right, I don't really like to get into the muses as I don't really think there's anything to add to the conversation at this point, and ultimately I don't think it matters.

That being said, and with the caveat that I am not Taylor and I do not know Taylor so I cannot speak to her thoughts and can only make relatively educated guesses based on being an avid consumer of her work and a student of the human condition (lol), no I do not think Taylor loved Matty more than anyone else. I think there was maybe a brief period in the thick of things where she *thought* she did because she was not thinking clearly and was in full-on denial, but to me the message that is loud and clear in the album (and more or less explicitly stated in the epilogue) is that it was not any kind of real love affair. It was certainly infatuation and lust and the promise of something more, and there may have been some love as well, but he was in no way the love of her life by any measure.

I would call it a "Matty album" insofar as they're about events in which he was present, sure. But I feel it much more as a Taylor album, if that makes sense, even though I know that's a cop out because every album is to a degree. I can't explain it well, but I don't see TTPD as a Matty (or Joe) album in the way that I would maybe say Red is a "Jake" album or 1989 may be a "Harry" album or even Lover being a "Joe" album whatever, because even if they don't figure in all the songs, that kind of heartbreak permeates so much of the material.

The thing about TTPD and the Matty situation is that the Matty situation is really a Joe situation (which in some ways is actually partially a Jake situation). I always say I hate treating Taylor like a character so I hate speaking about her and her work in this way, but you don't get the Matty situation without the Joe situation precipitating it. It's @taylortruther's now-infamous donut vs. hole analogy. The reason Taylor makes the choices she does with Matty is directly tied to what happened with Joe that made her feel she needed to. Which is not to say Taylor isn't responsible for her own actions or doesn't have agency in her own life, but I mean it in that the situation in which she found herself with Joe, and the pain it caused, is what made the alternative so comforting and perhaps even necessary in her mind. It's why it makes it so hard to "paternity test" the album, because the stories are inherently intertwined and you don't get the former without the latter.

The major "theme" of the album to me is the loss of a very specific, very personal dream, and the way in which she lost it, and the way in which grieving that loss drove her to make the choices she did. We're all talking very delicately about it because it's a sensitive topic, but it's late on Friday and few people are going to see this, so I'm going to say it: it's the give you my wild, give you a child of it all. The yearning she expresses both overtly and sub-textually for having a family in the album is palpable in a very iykyk kind of way, and it's the realization that those plans are not going to come to fruition in the way she had once imagined that drives a lot of the pain she experiences, and makes her jump at the chance to find that again with someone else.

I started a draft post about the theme of womanhood and motherhood on TTPD three months ago that I never finished because I ran out of time and ran out of steam, but it was the most striking thing to me on the album, not because I didn't know that she wanted those things because that's been obvious for years (definitely since Lover, and again, peace put it all on the table), but because the vulnerability she expressed about it on the album is incredibly moving, and it's so generous of her to trust listeners with those feelings and experiences.

Again, it's the thirtysomething of it all.

She is in relationship A which she at one point believes is forever, one which she at one point believes is going to lead to marriage and children. She is so committed to that dream that she either ignores or tries to fix serious issues that may otherwise lead others to think the two people in the relationship are incompatible, both because she loves the person deeply and because she feels that this is meant to be the way she achieves that dream. She gives it her everything, and it still dies a slow, painful, onerous death, and she feels like it may take her along with it. The dream of getting married and presumably having a family gets taken off the table: how we don't know and will likely never know because that is private between the parties involved. All that matters in the context of the album is that those plans never come to fruition and never would.

Then you have relationship B, an old flame who knows just enough buttons to push both to trigger and to flatter. A person who she presumably trusts with very sensitive, personal information as her life slowly crumbles, and this person is telling her all the things she wants to hear because he knows about what is happening in relationship A because she's told him. Person in relationship B doesn't get an "in" with her and sell her this dream unless what happens in relationship A precedes it. It's not a grand love affair for the ages, it's not a mutual decision on building their own dream together. It's Person B learning about what is happening with Person A and saying "I can do that!" even if he can't or doesn't. The dream he sells her is a rental car; it's not his own, he's just borrowing it from someone else and selling it back to her.

And the reason she falls for it is because it is what she aches for the most in her personal life, and she is grappling with it disintegrating, so she (unfortunately for her) falls for the easy way out, and in turn sells herself a story about how this must be fated, and this must be meant to be, because this person wants all the same things she does and she didn't even have to bargain for it! Well, yes, because she fed him the dream in the first place. (Like a mark falling for a sleeper cell spy.) It's too good to be true because it isn't true. IMO Person B doesn't come running out of the gate with the marriage/baby/dream life promises unless he knows that is what she most desires. But what's left unsaid out of all of it is that: those dreams were her dreams because they were her dreams with Person A. It was a whole life they had together, and a whole life they had planned for in some fashion, and a whole life that has to be dismantled in the aftermath.

So all this to say, yes, on the surface, Matty is a "main character" on the album, but truly he's a side character to Taylor as the narrator and person experiencing it and Joe as the ghost bit-player-who-haunts-every-scene. (Again, I hate referring to real people as characters, it gives me the absolute ick, but in this case it's the only way to answer the question.) I jokingly call it the Matty album for shorthand or when I want to say something out of pocket, but really, it's a disservice to the album to say that because it's not a muse album as in it's about the romance (like, say, Red often is), it's about a soul-crushing heartbreak that goes beyond it. The romance is the symptom, not the cause.

The loss of youth is tied in with all this: she's not 22 anymore. She isn't even 32 anymore. She had a very specific idea of what her life was going to look like at this point and had planned for that life, and it goes up in smoke. But again, to bring the womanhood into it all: there is, unfortunately, a deadline for these things. You're with someone for over half a decade you think is going to be your life partner and father of your children and and then he's not. You spent half a decade building this relationship for it to crumble, but now you're in your mid-30s and you don't necessarily have another half-decade to build that trust and faith in someone else before being ready to start a family. And maybe you're scared that anyone else who may become your partner will need that much time to build that trust and faith, because that's kind of all you've ever know in relationships. But lo and behold, someone comes into your life you once had feelings for and maybe now do again and is offering you everything you want and thought you'd have by this point in your life right now. It feels like an elixir that as we find out is actually poison.

That youth is not just the chance for motherhood, but it's also the hopes and idealism and belief in the future that often gradually erodes as we age. But for Taylor as well, it's also tied into the trauma of what she went through particularly in 2016, which kicks off a lot of things on the album as well (her retreat, her relationship with Joe, the pivoting in her career, etc.). That event caused a pretty clear before/after in her life (like a few other events, I suspect), and another major theme in the album is her finally grappling with the full weight of that. They're all different branches of the same tree of the story of TTPD and her life.

I could talk about this stuff forever, but I'm going to stop here because it's long enough and I should save stuff for one of the dozens of drafts I have half-baked lol. But this is just something I needed to get off my chest perhaps.

[bengiyo]

The Warp Effect Ep 10 Stray Thoughts

With GMMTV dominating my watch calendar, it's actually becoming a bit difficult to recall everything that happened in a previous episode.

Last time, we tackled sexual health with Jedi and Rose, who had to contend with an HPV flare up in their open relationship. Over the course of the episode we questioned the nature of fidelity and safety, and learned that they likely were infected over ten years ago from other partners as the two revealed that they actually don't want their relationship to be open. Meanwhile, Nim discussed keeping the baby with Army, and also reconciled her relationship with Mollie. Elsewhere, Kim recognized that she didn't want to keep the baby at this time, and Ice spent the episode coming to terms with that and supporting his partner. Kat is back in the saddle, but Tony is a gentleman and is waiting for Jean. Alex and Jean may be on the path to speaking again.

As always, so much happens in this show.

Real shit, I want to see Jean's movie.

I don't have anything against Tony based on what we've seen, but I feel like it's a bad look for the lead to be involved with the director when they're advertising the chemistry between the leads?

I'm glad we're bringing See-ew back.

Ah, right. Liu has a handsy boss. I get her coworker choosing to accept it, but he should not be touching Liu like that and demanding she interact with him on IG.

I was lulled into a mild complacency, and now we're back to the sports homophobia plotline with Joe.

New is quite vascular.

I was not expecting Alex to just go into Liu's workplace and start a fight with her boss. What is he going to do if she gets fired as retribution?

And now we're storming back in with boxers? Why is no one talking to Liu first??

Lol, nevermind. Liu handles her own business. I want a show of just Clize whooping ass on the regular.

Okay, Mollie and Nim! Jojo said, "We are grown here. We give head."

Mollie is so valid. She just had Nim shivering from that tongue action, and now Mollie is all like, "We're just friends?" Friends don't get each other off like that. Get Tilly Birds on the line.

Okay, Silvy is so good. The aghast expression she pulled off was fantastic.

Oh, Army, I really need you to appreciate Joe's reality. Joe might lose the career that seems to provide a sense of purpose, and Army just doesn't grasp that.

"I just want the kind of love that makes me feel at ease." Me, too, Liu. Enjoying that these characters are in their late 20s, because your priorities start to shift.

The potential Kat and Jean have, only to reorient the conversation to Alex.

Really glad we're returning to Kim and Ice. In the 90s we had very special episodes about abortions and teen pregnancy, but we never lived with the fallout of the choice.

I think Ice should review his musician couple idols, because none of those relationships really worked out.

I'm gonna need the people on the internet to be respectful of Clize's feet. Still, I'm glad these two found some kind of balance.

Oh, I loved Jedi's proposal.

These dudes are going to sneer at their proposal in a queer-friendly bar? I think they should learn what bricks taste like. Give them a memorable LGBT experience.

They're not backing down? The whole bar should stomp their asses. I'll accept Jeana and Alex teaming up, and getting yelled at by the rest of the club.

Establishing that Tony has been a decent dude was a good move, because we expect him to not force an encounter on Jean after she panics. I like the way Joong plays his disappointment that they can't proceed along with his worry for Jean. I'm sure he suspects what may have happened, and knows it isn't his wound to heal.

I kinda wanna hear Phuwin play Motley Crue music now.

Mixed experiences across the squad right now.

I don't remember who Mr. Saran is, but I'm curious how the prom will act as a plot device next week.

[destinyc1020]

Also Taylor and Joe went through COVID together and she was just writing and recording but not performing and touring, so that may have been a low key life he enjoyed, but now that she was preparing to go to tour and started her tour, it became too much for him. Her last world tour had been in 2018. It probably became too much for him. You can see how much Taylor likes performing and interacting with her fans, so she has to have a partner that is really supportive of that part of her life. I think her song Midnight Rain really describes well the situation: "He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain. He wanted a bride; I was making my own name". That song may have been about a previous relationship but this one may have ended up similarly. Most likely Taylor will write about it and we can get a better idea to what happened

Hmm.... Thanks Anon for the input as well. 😊 I do agree that being lockdown during covid together and now being out in the real life again is a totally different experience lol.

Idk... I'm not gonna speculate that they broke up because of her fame, but I do know that sometimes women of a certain caliber in their careers find it challenging to find love, cuz either the men just aren't on their level, or they are turned off by their success.

I think sometimes it's hard for men to take a "back seat" to their gf or wife if she's more famous/successful than him. That's why I always say that Z is so LUCKY with Tom, cuz he seems perfectly happy allowing her to have front and center spotlight lol 😆 Z lucked out! Most women aren't so fortunate lol.

Again, Joe may not have had an issue with her fame per se... it's usually what else comes with it. A lot of women think the man has an issue with the woman being more famous than him, when really it's more so the man feels neglected, a "last resort", or doesn't particularly care for life in the spotlight like that. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Men can be needy sometimes rofl 🤣

I still say though, that there had to be other issues going on if they broke up after 6 years together. I think ppl are putting words in his mouth based on this People article, but usually breakups are due to MANY reasons... not just one. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I guess more info will come out eventually? 🤷🏾‍♀️

I'm still not sure who broke up with whom lol, but I saw Taylor did her little traditional pap stroll while out with friends the other night. I'm sure that was cooked up so that she appears "unbothered" after this breakup news dropped. It's a smart tactic! 😆

[bisluthq]

I think there are a couple of red flags with Travis. For instance, he tweeted that 'cats creep me out' a few years ago which is very different from cat loving Joe who probably really misses Benjamin who was like 'his cat'. Travis has two dogs.

https://x.com/tkelce/status/786376920573153280?s=20

idk if you’re being sarcastic because having dogs is not generally speaking a red flag at all lol and finding cats creepy is also kinda normal but based on recent experiences in my own life I can honestly say if you’re not on the same page about animals it can be a big deal 😂😂

I don’t much like dogs but I’m totally cool looking after them right because I’m not WEIRD lol. However, I have learned some people are willing to almost end serious live in relationships over dogs lmfao so Taylor must ensure when he says cats are creepy he means in a general way (because they are a bit and I love them for it) and not in like a “I’ll die if one climbs on me” way.

Back to Taylor, she grew up with dogs and Andrea still has one and Scott might idk Scott’s life that well so she’s cool with it. It’s more of a red flag for her cats than for her because these motherfuckers may have to get used to like… dogs.

[ginkgomoon]

Gavin's 'Falling Slowly' and Film 'Once'- Analysis

Since the beginning, I’ve wanted to do an analysis on the song Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová, but since it was only mentioned twice (in Mark Date and Gavin’s Music and the Past Call), I thought it was going to be left at that. But because of the mention again in @cheri-translates' post, perhaps... there could be more to it. Because this song was made for the film Once, I had actually watched it earlier this year. I wasn’t going to post this analysis originally, but the trailer literally made me cry. After watching it with the knowledge from my first viewing, the trailer had a bigger impact on me that I didn’t expect. This allowed me to push on. Rewatching the film for this helped me realise some parallels between the film and Gavin’s history with MC, along with its song Falling Slowly. For me, the film was so heartfelt, vulnerable, honest and real. Just like the side that Gavin shows MC. It also had super hilarious moments that made me laugh so much while crying over the sad bits. Highly recommend this movie (if you don’t mind some occasional cursing!) Now I can say I’ve watched Once twice.

Below contains spoilers for Gavin's CN content (referring to Cheri's translations) and on the film.

“Your performance… was a miracle to me.” -Gavin

Once is a 2007 Irish romantic drama about two struggling artists in Dublin, Ireland. The film was turned into a musical and won various awards, with Falling Slowly winning at the Critics’ Choice Awards and the 2008 Academy Award for Best Original Song. This was on top of receiving a Grammy nomination. Once only had a budget of only $150,000 USD.

In an Interview with Glen Hansard (male lead), he stated that during the scene of Falling Slowly in the music store, director John Carney wanted this shot to be the centrepiece- just two musicians connecting through music. This scene where the actors first got together to perform and sing in harmony allowed the crew to maintain the perseverance needed to finish the film despite various major setbacks. (People kept buying the same piano in the music store featured because of this film LOL)

“The closest a non-musician will ever get to feeling what it feels like to write the song… or to discover… it was the most moving scenes of the film.” -The Interviewer

The first impression some viewers may have upon watching would be criticising the shakiness of the handheld cameras. However, the actual intention (from the ex-film student perspective that I had) was to give it a sense of realism. This film aims to depict more of real-life from the perspective of the main characters. Even the characters' names weren't disclosed as they were literally 'unknown artists' in everyday life. It was ultimately based on Carney’s own personal experience, while Hansard, wrote the music for the film.

“The movie is sad, funny, real, everything that life is and it gives you hope. It's about a moment that happens in life that may not come by again or may not last forever, but it just might have the greatest impact on you. I know I'll be watching "Once" again.” -A fellow Once viewer.

We are introduced to the male lead (Guy), playing the guitar and wanting to make it big with his music, who also fixes vacuums with his father for a living. He meets the female lead (Girl) and she bugs him into fixing her vacuum. In the beginning, he’s cold and doesn’t want to associate with her (especially after when she gives him 10 cents for his busking).

Look how grateful he looks-

Even when Gavin and MC met again after their separation, Gavin puts up a fragile guard in front of MC while protecting her from a distance, like in high school. And just like how Joe Zieja stated in his MLQC interview-

“Gavin is a really interesting character, especially when we first started out before he and the producer really had a relationship… Gavin’s very cold. He’s very business-like, he just wants to get stuff done. But it’s really neat to see Gavin’s shell melt over time as he develops a relationship with the producer.”

In the film, Guy finds out that Girl can play the piano, who learned it from her father before he passed. Turns out, Guy is heartbroken from his ex (who’s currently in London) who cheated on him. Girl tries to convince him to get her back with his songs.

Similarly, Gavin discovers MC’s music during his fall shown Campus Date, in the moments where he received his Evol. Gavin devotes his life to protect her.

(I also did a timeline of MC and Gavin’s high school history together here that also references these parts.)

*Casually dragging vacuum*

Together, they go to a music store and she plays Mendelssohn for him. Then finally, at 15:42 of the film, they start to play Falling Slowly.

(So good! So good!! When they start harmonising!!! No fancy editing or cuts- it’s just two artists and pure music.)

Through music, they connect with each other’s souls. Just like how MC saves Gavin with her music that fateful day. And soon enough, Gavin comes across MC playing another song in the music room.

That song was Falling Slowly. He doesn’t know the name of the song though, only remembering the melody. Later, he learns how to play the guitar because he liked it and thought that perhaps he could perform it to his special someone one day. Such moments had inspired Gavin to write and make his own songs then record them onto his CDs so that maybe one day she could listen to them.

A thought I had was that did Gavin hear the piano and decide to make a guitar version, only to figure out that he was the missing piece?

Even the music store owner was very impressed-

Just like how Gavin slowly begins to soften up to MC, in the film, the instrumental of Falling Slowly plays when Guy and Girl start to bond. Guy tries to talk to her more but she states that she “has responsibilities”. It’s revealed that she has a daughter at home and a husband still in the Czech Republic. Even so, together, they write and record songs for his journey to London- back to his ex and to pursue his dreams as a musician.

Later, they go out for a spin on his father’s motorbike- he even prepared another helmet for her (SPARKY 2.0??). He asks her to teach him how to say “how much do you love him?” in Czech when they talk about her husband upon finding out that she’s married. She replies with, “it is you I love” in Czech. But he has no idea what she said. (*Grips heart*)

He wants her to go to London with him, start a band, and sell out shows. But she can’t. The song they recorded together “When your mind’s made up” (I have this song on repeat) plays in the car as they drive to the beach before he leaves for London the next morning.

So, if you want something And you call, call Then I'll come running To fight and I'll be at your door When there's nothing worth running for

The music producer is clearly so impressed-

Together, they schedule a time to meet up just before he leaves for the airport. Guy waited all night till morning for her.

But she still doesn’t come. And that was the last time he ever saw her. Just like how MC wasn't able to see Gavin who waited the whole day before he left. This was shown in Old Days Date that I did a heart-gripping analysis on here.

Guy’s father had said, “make your Ma proud.” (*Cries upon remembering Gavin’s loving mother*)

In the end, still unable to reach her, Guy gifts Girl a piano. In the beginning, they had a conversation where they spoke about pianos being too expensive, hence why she kept going to the music store in order to be able to play. Even though they are both short on money, he still manages to buy her a piano- the same one they played Falling Slowly together.

And while the film comes to an end, Falling Slowly plays in the background while Guy is off to the airport.

*Dramatic power-walking*

This was a heartbreaking ending for the viewers because not only that they didn’t end up together, they weren’t able to see each other before he left. And it wasn’t disclosed why she couldn’t make it.

Nothing too fancy happens because again, this was to show a slice of real life, and this proves it to be more tragic and beautiful. It can’t really be described unless it’s experienced. And I had the chance of viewing it not once, but twice.

This film (and song) is important for Gavin and MC because, despite their complicated history of misunderstandings, he always wants to put their relationship first and make the most out of what they have now together. Girl had helped Guy achieve his record deal and pursue his dreams. She had done her part on his journey to becoming an artist and both had to part ways. Without her, he wouldn’t have been able to record his songs and leave. Likewise, without MC, Gavin wouldn’t be the man he is today (hence, Winter World). Gavin is very vocal about this as well.

Gavin lowers his head, and the light follows his movement, descending onto the scrapbook, illuminating every word he writes- “I’m very happy to have met you in the past.” -CN Mark Date

“It doesn’t matter what happened in the past. What matters is every moment I spend with you now.” -Sugar Figurine Phone Call

“Seeing you again is the best present I could hope for.” -The Best Gift Phone Call

"Even though I'm curious about the future as well... I care more about the present. For me, it's good enough to seize the day. As long as you're here. The next second will be everything I need. Protecting what I have now, is the best plan for the future." -School Legend ASMR

With Falling Slowly, it’s quite a straightforward, romantic song. Originally in the film, Guy wrote it about his ex-girlfriend so it does has some sad lyrics. MC didn't know how Gavin knew about it.

Teacher Zheng: Just now, MC mentioned that you play the guitar and bass incredibly. Could you let me hear it? It’d be best if the two of you could play together. I haven’t heard my Orchestra Leader play the piano in a very long time.

To be honest, this is not a “request” at all. If Teacher Zheng wants to hear it, I’ll definitely be willing to play for her. But Gavin…

I cast Gavin a probing glance, wondering if there’s a need to persuade him. To my surprise, he nods.

Gavin: I could, but I’m really not as skilled as she says.

Teacher Zheng: Haha that’s all right. I just want you to use your heart when performing. What’s important isn’t how good it sounds, but the heart.

Gavin: Could I borrow the guitar over there?

Teacher Zheng: Of course.

Basically shown in Mark Date, Gavin’s been preparing for this moment all this time. He already knows what song to play. And what’s so amazing is that the first instrument we hear is the guitar which leads the piano. Therefore, once Gavin plays his piece, MC would know what song it is and then join in with her piano. AND THEY WOULD SING TOGETHER.

Maybe it’s just my misperception, or the sunlight just happened to fall onto his eyes, but I keep feeling as though his eyes are even brighter than usual. It’s as though they are flashing with light.

This is a slightly melancholic song, but the moving light and wind seem to make it refreshing and clear.

🎶 Lyrics 🎶

It's a slower song to help listeners slowly take in the emotions, lyrics and main dueting instruments of piano and guitar with the occasional violin in the back. It's so simple, and yet so powerful.

The guitar has its solos and the piano appears more prominent in the chorus. In the beginning, it's just the guitar, with the piano joining in after.

[GUY & GIRL] I don't know you but I want you All the more for that Words fall through me and always fool me And I can't react And games that never amount To more than they're meant Will play themselves out

Gavin never got the chance to be close to MC in high school, so he showed his affection through other methods. He walked 10 metres behind her after school and was her silent guardian against those who had negative intentions towards her. In the library, he had tried to introduce himself to her, but she had already dashed off.

Before waiting for him to say the introduction he had rehearsed countless times in his heart, the girl had already uttered a “thank you” and hurriedly fled. -CN Tilted Time Rumours and Secrets

Gavin couldn't help but develop this softer side for her and didn’t know how to control it or express it other than doing things such as leaving strawberry milk on the piano and learning guitar in hopes of playing it for her one day.

Those "games" he's referring to were those things they did, such as MC smiling at him when crossing each others' paths in the hallways, and Gavin buying her hot drinks and only looking at her among the snowball fight chaos at school in the Winter. Gavin has no power over how everything will turn out, nor does he try to have complete control over it either.

"... I believe that some things are destined. Like..." -Gacha and Destiny Phone Call

[GUY & GIRL] Take this sinking boat and point it home We've still got time

This "sinking boat" of the relationship is what they're both trying to save. For Gavin, this could be suggested to be about himself.

In a split second, the noise ceases abruptly. After a moment of silence, whispers surface in the crowd. Vaguely, I can catch a few phrases.

“Bad.” “Fighting.” “Misfit.” -CN Mark Date

Gavin had a tough time in high school being the outcast, but MC kept him going, fighting in the name of justice. And had quite literally saved his life. She was his lighthouse when he was battling the rough waters back home. And MC- she was also his home.

“As he clenched his fists, a power deep down within awakened. It was a rapture of rebirth. A declaration of the end of darkness and the advent of the light.” -Campus Date

[GUY & GIRL] Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice You've made it now

Gavin wants her to realise his feelings, be around and talk to him more- and say "yes". But even so, he still gives her a choice not to, and would have to live with that. Gavin thought she already had when he departed and spent years thinking that her absence showed all of what had to be said.

[GUY & GIRL] Falling slowly, eyes that know me And I can't go back

Gavin's falling slowly for MC (compared to when he fell really fast before MC saved him LOL). Once he starts, he can and would never go back. He hopes that MC would see him the way he truly is.

MC: “I have one more thing to tell you. MC is a bit slow. She is not as good as you think, and will also be blinded by rumours…”

Gavin: “She’s a very nice person. What she thinks of me has nothing to do with anyone else." -Old Days Date

[GUY & GIRL] Moods that take me and erase me And I'm painted black

Gavin can't handle his feelings. (*Cries*)

After being in a daze in the piano room, he’d be in a daze in the library, continuously staring at the empty seat where MC used to sit, and I have no idea what he’s thinking about.

But I really didn't expect a person who sleeps in class to be in a daze in the library for an entire afternoon... Did Bro Gavin and MC have a fight recently? -CN Minor's Memos

[GUY] You have suffered enough And warred with yourself It's time that you won

He states that he understands that the girl had it rough, but if she was to be with him, she wouldn't get hurt. Gavin wants to be the one for her.

"MC, I want to make you happy forever. If... I hope that person is me." -First Year In-Game Birthday Visit

[GUY & GIRL] Take this sinking boat and point it home We've still got time Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice You've made it now

[GUY & GIRL] Falling slowly, sing your melody I'll sing it loud

Gavin recognises MC's "melody", and urges her to sing (her presence) and Gavin will listen and follow, singing his one, too. Together they will harmonise.

[GUY] Take it all Oh, I played the cards too late Now it's gone

The song finally ends with both the guitar and piano, whereas at the beginning it was just the guitar.

This part is the most powerful and heartbreaking. Gavin regretted not giving the farewell letter to MC directly- from "playing the cards too late", then suffers the loss of her, her presence, and her melody.

But fortunately, in the end, Gavin successfully returned home- to MC.

"Want to play for a while tonight? I haven’t heard you playing the piano in a long time too.

If possible, I’d like to make a song request.

How about “Falling Slowly”?

We could sit by the window and play it together again." -CN Gavin’s Weekly Text - Piano Concert

Somewhere, Gavin is happily playing Falling Slowly with MC.

[papenniesandbentoboxes]

MBTI Typing Nancy Drew Characters - Jane Penvellyn

This was a very, very hard one to do. Jane Penvellyn is an extremely complex character. At first glance, she seems like a playful child who has a rampant imagination, but when you dig deeper, things become a lot more sinister. After lots of research and observation, I have typed her as a very unhealthy ENTP. Spoilers ahead.

Jane Penvellyn is perhaps one of the most scary, if not the scariest villain in my opinion. She’s only twelve years old and she’s already concocted a plan to get to stepmother out of the house by gaslighting her into thinking she’s turning into a werewolf, she’s messed with Nancy’s head, and she killed her own guinea pig with experiments. In an earlier post, I researched sociopathy and I even did a little test to see and her result was very high. Now, this is a whole different area of psychology that I’ll be looking at, but keep in mind that because of the influences in her life, her mental state is very poor. Also, most of the game she is lying to Nancy, so the reading I have on her may not be entirely accurate, because Jane is a character I don’t think we can fully know.

ENTPs are known for being charismatic, charming, and very intelligent. We can see how charismatic Jane can be when she’s playing Nancy and the others. (Maybe not the person playing the game, but definitely Nancy.) They are also known to be incredibly manipulative, which fits Jane very well. Not every 12 year old girl can manipulate people the way she does. 

Another theory, that is essentially canon, is that Jane experimented on her guinea pig and killed it. (There’s a lot of evidence to prove this in the game, but nothing explicitly saying so.) There was also a theory somewhere that when Jane was playing games with Nancy-- “See if you can beat me!”, “If you can get faster than this...”, etc.-- she is experimenting on her. Testing her wits, timing her reflexes, and so on and so forth. ENTPs are very experimental people who often try new things and text out what they want to learn more about. 

ENTPs can be strategic, but also impulsive. We see both of these in Jane. While she meticulously plans out how to get to the family treasure, she also acts on impulse sometimes as well. For example, when she followed Nancy down to the alchemy lab, confronted her, then pushed her away and grabbed the stone. She could have probably figured out a better way to convince Nancy to give her the stone, yet she acted on her own impulse rather than being patient. 

Let’s take a look at the another area of Jane’s psychology. We obviously can see that she is lonely, and she’s very bored. Even though she’s lying about a lot, it is obvious that she doesn’t enjoy her lessons and she hates being so alone. However, due to her abnormal life, she’s forced to live a life quite different from other children, and quite darker. Because of her boredom, which is caused by lack of outside stimulation and challenge, she acts on dark impulses to do dangerous things, which is another ENTP thing to do. The games are a good way to get out some of her energy, but even that isn’t enough sometimes. 

Now, this isn’t an example of all ENTPs, but an example of an unhealthy one. A child who was forced into a life of secrecy and intrigue, with her family being split and a weight upon her shoulders placed there by her ancestors. She felt she had to make drastic decisions, so she made them. As I’ve said before, her mental state is very poor. No one in their right mind would do what she did. And at only twelve years old. 

In conclusion, I still believe that Jane is the scariest of all the villains next to Dwayne Powers, because while both are very dangerous, she was only twelve years old when she came up with this scheme of hers. She’s a very intelligent, very unhealthy ENTP, and one of the most confounding characters to come out of the series. 

All this was based on lots of research and experience with ENTPs. Shoutout to @joe-hardys-cheeseburger​ for helping me with this typing.

As for my own type, I’m an INTJ, which I believe helps me with my analysis of all these characters. I also read way too deep into everything, which is both a good thing and a bad thing, lol. 

And Henrik’s typing is soon to come!

[gingus-arts]

i did this >:) i also wrote a mini informal essay [read: i rambled] to explain my choices in depth and i will post that here because the character limit on instagram will not let me ;;;

also here is it in photos if that's easier 2 read (i,, spent all this time editing them for insta—)

here’s the text version-

“ okay so i'm gonna explain my choices bc i like talkin bout shit :D

0. their heights r just based on what the wiki said and their ages (and sexualities) r just my headcannons based on what i feel suits them, + a bit of what i've seem in the fandom

1. big spoon v. little spoon – i think kai would default to big spoon just bc shin is smaller than him & kai is protective but i don't think kai would mind being the little spoon at all, however his hair gets in shin's face when shin's the big spoon djshjfd. generally i don't think they'd spoon that much just because shin would be pretty hesitant to do something as overtly vulnerable and romantic as cuddling but kai likes that kind of stuff so shin would compromise occasionally u//u and as they're together longer he'd get more okay with it

2. lends clothes v. borrows clothes – i just think shin would steal kai's clothes and kai would let it happen. he finds it endearing (at least,, until he runs out of clothes ajdksj) [oh ya also i think they'd be roommates so that's how he'd steal his clothes u.u] shin probably would deny he was doing it if kai brought it up but it's very obvious

3. doesn't use pet names v. uses pet names – i just think shin would feel awkward using pet names shdjsj and in general show affection more with his actions than words, but i think kai would be okay with the occasional "darling" and "my love," esp if it gets a reaction out of shin

4. introverted v. extroverted – they r just both introverted 😔😔 i think they'd both like their alone time a lot (esp shin). i do think kai would like hanging out with other ppl a lot but find it somewhat draining to function in normal social situations for too long. u could say the same about shin but to a lesser degree, and it's a bit different since it's more about shin having a mask up in public & less abt being alert and not used 2 it like kai

5. affection thru words v. affection thru actions – i just think they'd both be really awkward when it comes to voicing their affections aaa, especially shin, just bc of the vulnerability it requires,, i think shin would try very hard not to make himself vulnerable after having that shit relationship he did w/ midori (ik it didn't specify what their relationship was or what midori was like but i have my hc's ajdjs)

6. confesses first v. waits for confession – i don't think shin would believe that kai likes him, even if it was really obvious that he did, without some very obvious sign. like he'd suspect it but keep denying it and not want to ask bc he might get turned down— i think kai would b a little less likely to get caught up in that because he'd be okay with shin turning him down (like,, not "okay with" per se but he'd understand why because he doesn't think he'd be much of a partner or friend in general 😭😭 so he'd force himself to be okay with it for the sake of not being "selfish") also i think kai would want to get The Feelings over with whereas shin would b like Repress Repress Repress Repre

7. screams about bugs v. squashes bugs w/ shoe – i think shin would b That Brand of afraid of bugs where u just avoid them or leave the room if they're there but scream if they come too close. kai's not afraid but i think he'd let the bugs live sometimes instead of just killing them

8. drives the car v. can't drive lol – i just think kai'd be good at driving since he's very meticulous and attentive, tho i just don't think he'd have too much experience. shin, on the other hand, has experience but is Not meticulous or particularly attentive sjfhdjdj

9. can't cook for shit v. cooks dinner – kai's placement is pretty self explanatory DJSHJF i just think he'd like cooking for shin and he also hates seeing shin drown himself in noodle cups & other store bought things when he could have An Actual Meal. shin,, has barely ever cooked so he's just Not Good At It At All

10. dislikes pda v. loves pda – i think shin would hate pda since he would even be uncomfortable with private affection to some degree (esp in the start of their relationship) because Vulnerability and blah blah blah but kai likes a little bit of it, like h*lding h*nds and occasional kisses on cheeks, and shin can live with that (even tho he does get flustered by it)

11. overprotective v. chill going – kai was (is?) legit sara's protector i think he'd have a hard time giving up the solid sense of protectiveness he feels for the people he cares about, especially when he's quite capable in protecting them. generally i think shin would b pretty chill but protective in the sense that kai can be his own worst enemy sometimes. small things like (subtly, bc he wouldn't want kai to know what he's doing) checking that kai's eating & sleeping enough, making sure no one's taking advantage of kai's tendency(? idk if that's the right word) to take care of others. generally this kind of stuff probably wouldn't be a problem but i think if kai was in a bad state he may fall into it. idk if that even counts as protectiveness tho 😔😔

12. has more relationship experience v. has NO relationship experience – THEY BOTH WOULD HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP EXPERIENCE (except shin w/ sou but that's really unhealthy so it like barely counts sjfjs) and i'd wager that they have,, little relationship experience in general. like, including friendships and stuff. i think that's neat in this case bc they're on the same level in that sense and can learn to communicate healthily and other relationship stuffs alongside each other u//u 👉🏼👈🏼 i feel like mishima would help them out in that regard a lot lol. it'd be fun if joe and sara did too 🥺

13. HORNY LEVEL – i,, i'm not sure if this needs an explanation but— i don't think shin would be too horny and kai wouldn't want to bother his partner with him being horny so he'd just deal w/ it. like his wants have just been stifled by being groomed to be used, if that makes sense

14.  AWKWARDNESS LEVEL – soo if this was in general i would've put both of their awkwardness levels lower but i assume this is in the context of relationship awkwardness so YES i think they'd both be pretty awkward around romantic stuff. just not understanding what to do and how to do it and stuff sjhfdfh

15. JEALOUSY LEVEL – okay so, kai and shin are two different flavours of insecure. shin is the type where when he feels inadequate he'd get jealous or bitter / upset, and when kai feels inadequate he'd accept that he's not good enough and shy away, n he'd probably feel pretty sad about it if his inadequacy was prolonged. so, if shin thinks that kai's hanging out with others more than him and seems to be happier with them, he's going to get really jealous (and mayhaps,, kinda feel like shit about it since he knows he shouldn't be jealous or upset bc kai is happy) and maybe a little distant or passive aggressive consequently. kai would just be like "aw shin's making friends :>" and if he starts to feel insecure about how much time or how shin acts around others compared 2 him, he'd internalize it and be like "well yeah i suck so this was bound to happen. Anyway i am going to make eggs benedict and cry now" “

[bellamygateoldblog]

The only time I accept cast members word as canon was when Eliza said Clarke's radio calls were part of her routine to stay sane

we don't need eliza for that lol because clarke says it in the actual show!!!!!! it's in book 2 however the writing of them beforehand implied as much, like we didn't even need to be told it was made so clear.

by that post i meant only that while actors can and do flesh their characters out and may understand them quite well, this isn't always the case & since i expect they do this in order to communicate them better on screen for us all to see i don't think this means they know that character better than any fan watching and making sense of what they're seeing. i even think writers themselves don't have word of god because while they did write the characters sometimes what they intend isn't necessarily what comes across (so many examples of this happening for t100 imo) and i think anyone has freedom to interpret what's put out as they want. death of the author and all that (sometimes the context around the writing is extremely important to the written universes they create though so i wouldn't say write them off altogether- but honestly a deeper understanding of every turning cog isn't detrimental to enjoying a piece of fiction like sometimes you just want to read or watch a story and that's that and im 100% FOR that). now how accurate and honest those personal interpretations end up being is another matter entirely. this is especially true for young actors who may not have the experience or information to consider writing with more nuance.

i honestly don't know how accurate this is and i haven't personally seen the films but i have seen around that finn wolfhard insisted his character and another had a brotherly bond when that relationship was actually romantic. what about when millie bobby brown defended joe from You?

truth is i really don't care about actors. i don't think their view is any more valid or valuable than my own and i don't rely on them to think for me. all i need from them is their portrayal of what's been written.

like im just wary of taking an actor's or even a writer's word for anything instead of basing it on the actual canon of the show/movie (imo this being what ends up on screen/ what we can infer from what's on screen).

[bustedbernie]

Hey, I was wondering if you could give me some reasons to be excited for Biden? I dunno, I'm not big on any candidate except for Warren, but she hasn't been doing well... So I'm trying to prep myself for Biden, even though he's not the best in debate, and there was that whole eye filling with blood thing, and the "creepy uncle joe" type stuff flying around still make me nervous. I dunno, I just want to at least be content with whoever the democratic nominee is, and I was hoping for some help!

Well, as i don’t know you and I can’t even see your blog, I’m not sure how you might compare to me politically and what appeals to you most in a candidate, so I’ll just tell a little bit about my own experiences, having been a very disappointed Kamala supporter into the Biden camp...

The first thing that made it easier for me was just the way Joe spoke about Kamala, her supporters and all that. He is genuinely empathetic and also understands how powerful and important it is when he gains a voter from another candidate, or the support of that candidate. Knowing that I had a place on his campaign, EVEN when there were things I disagreed with him and his group on, was helpful. Your input was important and valued. 

Second, I think after the initial sting of sadness/anger started to dissipate, Biden really shifted into a green new deal and also proposed a very ambitious transit and amtrak proposal. 

I think too, doing more research, I found that he had a pretty robust criminal justice reform plan, marijuana decriminalization plan, and many of his plans were actually quite robust. So on policy, although it still wasn’t Kamala’s plans, it was still really damn good. So I didn’t feel like I was jumping ship onto some shitty life raft. I felt it was still a really good platform that touched on many of the issues I care the most about. 

Eye filling with blood... Idk what to tell you on that, other than my eye has done that and I’m [age redacted but between 28-32] lol. Sometimes these things just happen. I’ve never been convinced that the “creepy uncle joe” stuff would get any more traction than any of the other remaining candidates weak spots, if anything, It has always come off to me as a gigantic stretch. And that seems to be the response by a lot of the key demographics we need to target to win. Of course these things can change, but that’s true for most candidates. 

As a Warren supporter, I’d assume you’re into banking & labor reform and the like. Well, Biden’s plans on that is also more robust than I had previously imagined. Just a bit of it here:

$15 minimum wage

Massively expanding unionization and the right to unionize

closing loopholes that allow employers to avoid paying overtime to employees by classifying them falsely as “managers”

Increasing taxes on the wealthy and taxing capital gains

Similar to Warren, using trade as a way to advocate for both labor and higher standards across the board, domestically and globally

Like Warren, has a Rural America plan to bring investment and jobs back to small communities. Young people should not have to leave their communities for opportunities if they don’t wish to. 

Providing rental assistance to low-income Americans, ending redlining and addressing its disastrous impacts, increasing housing supply, working to ensure no American pays more than 30% for housing, increasing neighborhood stability to avoid displacement, protecting tenants from eviction, massively expand Section 8 housing benefits, the creation of a renter’s tax benefit, plan smarter growth and expand and repair transit, retrofit old properties for environmental sustainability through a new tax-credit system

Hold CEOs personally accountable toward labor abuses, including for anti-union activities

Incentivizing collective bargaining and new unions to form to empower workers while fighting “Right-to-Work” legislation

Create a cabinet-level working group focussed on unionization

Ensure the right to protest and boycott, including secondary protests

Empower the National Labor Relations Board

Extend rights to both farmworkers and domestic workers as well as “independent contractors (like UBER)”

End mandatory arbitration agreements 

Protect undocumented workers who report issues, safety problems, or labor violations

I’m sure you’re also interested in his plan for medical coverage, since that is another cornerstone of the Warren campaign. As a Kamala supporter, I also supported a Medicare-based solution. That said, Biden is proposing a Public Option as well that would help radically expand access to medical care and drive down costs, as well as directly negotiating prices federally for drugs. You prolly know that all already, but he also is proposing free contraception and STI prevention services, protecting abortion rights through federal legislation, will lift restrictions on US aid to help global communities combat HIV/AIDS and Malaria, expanding access to specialized care for minority groups including the black community and LGBT+ community. He also aims to achieve mental health parity, bring mental health resources into the governmental framework so folks can afford the care they deserve, and work to help end the stigma attached to mental health. Similar to Warren’s plans, his plans here largely are funded through additional taxes on the wealthy and taxing capital gains :) 

Education is another area that is important to Warren and many of her supporters. Here are some of his ideas in another bullet format lol: 

Increase teachers pay to be competitive 

Provide teachers with additional professional and educational development

Ensure the federal loan forgiveness program is both preserved and enhanced so that our educators can focus on teaching and their personal lives, and not on paying off onerous loans

Double the number of psychologists, guidance counselors, nurses, social workers, and other health professionals in our schools so our kids get the mental health care they need

Bring needed support for students and parents into our public schools

Invest in our schools to eliminate the funding gap between white and non-white districts, and rich and poor districts.

Improve teacher diversity

Make sure children with disabilities have the support to succeed.

Allow folks to discharge student loan debt through bankruptsy 

Free community college and additional support for State Universities

Biden would create a new program that offers $10,000 of undergraduate or graduate student loan debt relief for each year of national or community service, up to five years. If you work in a school, for the government or for a non-profit, you would be automatically enrolled in this student loan forgiveness program. Under the proposed program, you could apply up to five years of prior national or community service.

Student Loan Forgiveness and Repayment: 

If you make less than $25,000 per year: you would owe no payment on your undergraduate student loans and also no interest would accrue. 

If you make more than $25,000 per year: you would pay only 5% of your discretionary income over $25,000 toward federal student loan payments. After 20 years of student loan repayment, you would receive student loan forgiveness for your federal student loans. The amount of student loans forgiven also would not be subject to income tax. Borrowers also would be automatically enrolled in income-based repayment, with an option to opt out.

I hope that these few things help you feel a little more comfortable!!! He ain’t Kamala, and you may not ever see him as Liz, either. But, he still is pretty progressive and would help us build the framework for more progress later on! I tried to focus on policy stuff since I know Elizabeth Supporters tend to, unlike the Berniecrats, like policy lol. Anyway, this kind of stuff helped me get on board with him. 

[rgr-pop]

Re: canvassing for Bernie. I guess mostly advice on being effective. I went canvassing in Va before Super Tuesday and felt pretty ineffective, we used the minivan app which just showed us dem voters which makes sense right before the election but I’m wondering if I should widen the net going forward? Idk I’d be canvassing in md and wv thanks in advance you truly are the only smart person on this site

i actually did not have the best experience today, but some of my friends did. my friend the one from flint who went on msnbc to tell chris hayes he didn't vote for hillary because he's from flint, he had a really good day and he felt really good about everything. he gave me some good points, which i will share with you in a second. the reason you didn't feel effective in VA is because everyone in VA is a CIA asset and you shouldn't internalize that. i'm thrilled that you get to talk to people in WV and I think policy and talking points are really going to be on your side, and the people are going to be cool as hell (even if they are not-already bernard voters). 

 i think bernard kinda fucked over michigan in a few ways this year (no beef but it's true), but i am lucky because my city has some extremely experienced campaign people, and i have never really had to experience doing canvassing for any kind of campaign that wasn't run by them, so i was kind of confused about how little direction you were given. they keep asking me to do higher-up stuff like drawing up the voter lists and strategizing and hosting canvasses, but i keep being like, put me on the doors dude that's where i belong. (my palestinian libra dirtbag is exactly the same, he did like three turfs today lol.) i can probably ask my campaign people for tips if you feel like you don't have any guidance. 

since we're so close to election day, we'd normally be only targeting likely/confirmed voters to get out the vote, but because things are so crazy, we're also hitting up voters identified as undecided or previously soft-opponent or i think even independent and we're actually still trying to change minds. this is not super usual but it's crisis time! so, to answer your question, i would say i think you should widen the net, especially in WV. the dem voter problem isn't a huge issue where i am because people in lansing flint and detroit are literally just always democrats no matter what, but in other states i think it's more nuanced.

most of the following advice pertains to actually talking to people, but it should cover the range of voters you may encounter. i think i feel the least effective when i "fail" to engage people in a conversation, so i recommend talking to them in more open-ended ways. i share some of our script down below, but in general i like to ask people questions to draw them in, rather than telling people what we're about. get them to talk about themselves, and they will remember bernie sanders as the candidate that listened. i swear to god that works. 

today they gave me a sheet (i gave it to a new girl so i can't remember exactly, but) that focused on swinging those voters. it's still "don't shittalk opponent" territory but it's a list of ways to explicitly contrast sanders and biden on the policies, and it made me realize that we're extremely lucky to be put in this position because those contrasts are stark, and they are convincing to poor people in particular. 

what's interesting is that i'm no longer leaning into medicare for all to do my arguing, and i think that's gonna make me more effective. obviously bernie is stronger (literally: strongest) on this issue, but the messaging around biden's work on the ACA and his recent dodging about the issue doesn't help us convince anybody. healthcare is the most important thing on the table but it remains inscrutable: i would say dig into it with voters only if they bring it up as an issue that matters to them, or if they're healthcare workers (non-doctor probably), or if you are going to talk about an experience of your own. when you do talk about healthcare, especially in WV, remember bernie's position on medical debt. this is one of his clearest contrasts with biden. make sure you're familiar with biden's history with bankruptcy and debt, because i'd be willing to bet that that's something that's gonna resonate with WV and MD voters. 

the trade deals and NAFTA are, simply, the most important thing to talk about at this point, and imo (based on the critical states, michigan most of all) that's what's going to win us this election, if we talk to people about it. hillary clinton lost the election because she did NAFTA--simple as that. biden, too, did NAFTA, but the thing about him--as i'm sure you're noticing--is that people seem to forget absolutely everything about him, and no one knows that he did NAFTA. joe biden is behind loads of policy that was outright bad for industrial workers and ruined lives. it is simply enough to argue "bernie sanders did not do NAFTA" but you'll want to look into his trade deal positions and history, contrast these with both biden and trump. if you're worried about the xenophobic underbelly of this problem, frame it as exactly what it is: a position that resists giving corporations free reign to do whatever they want, to abandon communities, and stomp all over workers. 

look over some of bernie's positions on unions and labor in general. neither of the states you are going to are strongly right-to-work states right now, but where i live that's a really important thing. both biden and bernie, interestingly, have proposed a ban on right-to-work laws (it rules that we are in a place where this was mainstream for candidates, but it remains to be seen who will actually pursue this! the literal birthplace of the UAW went right-to-work while biden was VP soooo.) bernie also wants to end at-will employment and has a slate of proposal to strengthen unions. you should tell this to almost everyone. biden claims to support many similar plans, but he has not historically been especially strong in these areas, and his plans are generally less encompassing. 

you should be prepared to confront concerns that bernie's strong environmental positions will hurt workers in WV. talk to people about a "just transition" and really emphasize the point that industry, and coal companies in particular, have been empowered to come and go as they please without any consequences. bernard's plans in general are job creators, and the idea is to bring sustainable--as in, sticking--jobs to appalachia and the rust belt, as well as universal healthcare for people made sick by their jobs. universal healthcare is an engine for jobs. 

the war in iraq, support for veterans, and social security are extremely huge issues for poor people, probably specifically in WV. 

you will also talk to another major electorate: people who just want to beat trump. this is advice from the msnbc friend, who knows: give them all the bernie beats trump lines. only bernie beats trump. convince them that biden will have all the same problems hillary clinton had against trump. if they bring up the alleged low youth turnout on super tuesday, remind them that the south has particular voter suppression issues that impact young and college voters, and that thus far young people actually have been turning out in the north and west. and the youth turnout on super tuesday was still higher than average! remind them that a democrat without the so-called youth vote has never beat a republican in the general in this century. most importantly, remind them that because of our flawed electoral system, you could win every single person on the west coast, but you're essentially never going to win the election if you can't win macomb county, michigan. and macomb county, michigan is full of working class voters who were really hurt by the policies of joe biden and hillary clinton and, increasingly, donald trump, and they are interested in bernie sanders, and it's life or death for them. tell them you have a friend in michigan who has seen this first hand :). (hoping march tenth bears this out for us lol.) 

gonna round out the hard issues section here by suggesting you read this, which i think is pretty convincing: https://newrepublic.com/article/156819/rebooting-bernie-sanders 

 today i talked to a guy who said, "bernie sanders, i think i heard obama likes him." and i said, yep, bernie worked really hard to pass some of obama's best policies. and that's true :) 

in general, the sanders campaign relies really heavily on the "bernie story," the personal narrative. i think it probably works. it really works for me, because i can talk to people about the stuff that isn't just the green new deal and loan forgiveness--although you will definitely also end up talking to educated people who will need to be reminded that bernie sanders wants to forgive their loans and joe biden wants them to be saddled with them until the end of time. remember to talk to people about where you work and where you live. work and homes is the most important thing to absolutely everyone. tell them you have a teacher friend lol. talk to people about other people you've met. tell other people's stories. 

 in case you need guidance in this area, try a script that looks something like this (sorry if this is condescending and you already have seen the scripts, but i kind of modify them based on my strengths as a canvasser): 

i'm so and so and i'm with the bernard sanders campaign and we're out reminding people to vote on [date]. 

do you plan on voting? do you know who you're voting for? can we count on you to vote for bernie? [remind people of the stakes of the election, it's gonna be a close one, talk to your friends and family.] [then get them to think about their election day plan: do you know where your polling location is? what time are you going? do you have transportation?] [try to have support info available for them if they do not have these things. if they're worrying about not being able to get off work, commiserate/be empathetic and don't blame.] [let them know how they can get involved in the campaign.] 

if they say they are not voting, sometimes you can respect that (shoutout to jehovah's witness), but if they're on your list, they're probably registered, so you can ask them what kind of issues prevent them from voting. a lot of people will tell you that voting is stupid. you should agree with them (they are right). remind them that you would not normally be canvassing for a democratic candidate or any presidential candidate. you're working with tons of people who never canvassed, or maybe never even voted before. this is the first time in my entire life that i had the opportunity to vote for a candidate that addressed the issues that weigh on me on a day to day basis. a major candidate that hates the two party system and refuses to submit to democratic party nonsense. who has a plan that might actually work. a candidate that has a plan to make everybody's life better, even people who aren't out here canvassing for him. poor people. remind them that bernie sanders is the strongest candidate among non- and first-time voters! this area is a strength of mine because all of this is 100% true for me. i hate electoral politics and i hate the democratic party! if they have other reasons for not voting, see if you have any info that can help them. also remind them that this is a close race, an uphill battle, a difficult fight, and their vote is going to REALLY make a difference. but if we try, we will win. 

if they say they "think" they know who they're voting for, they're probably thinking about someone else. you'd be surprised--i am so surprised--how many people have no idea, even up til they get to the polls, or they change their mind last minute. try to prepare a few sentences that are really personal but probably relatable that they can chew on. mine looks something like this: i'm from flint michigan and i've seen the way the government has started to let companies get away with absolutely anything, abandon families that have worked for them for generations, and weaken unions. i want fair wages, fair taxes and for companies to be accountable to their workers and the communities that make them run & make them rich, and that's the bernie sanders platform, and i fear joe biden's ideas are moving us in the same direction that we're already moving. my husband's family worked for GM for four generations but we can't get jobs in flint much less find a place to live. being from flint, and in my own working life, i've watched the power of unions just totally erode. i myself am in a teacher's union and just recently, for the first time in my life,i feel like we can move in a direction where workers have real power in their workplace. especially watching teachers and support staff rally behind sanders, or these huge strikes. sometimes here i also say something about schools! etc.! ! sometimes that's all you get, but sometimes people want to hear more! in either case, this will stick with them. 

if they say they are undecided, ask them what kind of issues motivate them to vote, or ask them what they think about sanders. refer to all of the above, but don't argue, use bernie's positions to add to what they are saying, be a good empathetic active listener etc. but also make sure they know that you have shared experiences, agree with them. 99% of the time their issues will be better addressed by bernie, if they are working class people. sometimes they will reveal that they are nervous to vote for sanders. remind them of the size and energy of the base, and the electability arguments listed above. one of the reasons we want to canvass is to remind people--especially in conservative communities, where their neighbors may not even be voting in this primary--that it's okay and in fact very popular to vote for bernie, and we're competitive, and if we make it to the general we're gonna win. but it's not going to be easy [talk to your friends and family get involved go online etc.] 

if they are leaning biden but undecided, sometimes it's fine to ask them why, ask them for a pitch. you can tell them that you agree, and that we have had a really strong contest this year, and maybe in another year biden would have been the strongest choice, but bernie's just better in all these areas, etc. 

please lmk if you want more ideas! i'll try to take a picture of some of our documents tomorrow when i'm out.

[queenlua]

etirabys said: well what’s the answer

etirabys said: (kind of joking, I don’t know how complicated this is and it seems like it’s hard to answer quickly based on the post, but if you have thoughts/opinions I do want to know)

so to do a proper analysis, i’d have to think about this harder and for a long period of time (which is why it was such an interesting question!), but, some off-the-cuff thoughts for “what is the most secure porn site?”:

* textual porn in-general is going to be easier to secure than video stuff, since video shit goes to some godforsaken insecure video codec somewhere, (at this point the asker clarified she was wondering about video stuff, so, i adapted my threat model accordingly)

* i have a rough assumption that a larger / more moneyed company will have more $$$ and thus more $$$ to pay for Proper Security People, so anything owned by MindGeek is “probably” “fine”

* (check out that website if you haven’t before—MindGeek owns like a billionty percent of the porn on the internet, but you’d never be able to tell it by looking at their Official Professional-Looking Website; they just talk about “industry-leading solutions” and “# of ad impressions” and shit lollollol)

* relevant bit to think about in your threat model: what country are you in, where are the servers, and who are you afraid of?  if you’re e.g. a citizen of a non-US country, the US gov’t counts you as “more fair game for espionage than our average targets”, and thus maybe you want the servers to be located someplace that is Diplomatically Complicated for the US, etc)

* also another big ask: is the website funded via ads, or via cold hard cash?  if there’s no ad network at all—doubtful in this day and age, but maybe—that honestly is going to improve security posture a lot, because they don’t have this mechanism for cowboy coder third parties to inject who-knows-what directly onto the webpage, you only have to trust the dudes serving you the porn.  which is still a lot of trust!  but strictly less trust than you had before

* this got me wondering if there’s mechanisms outside of “just go to a website” that are more secure nowadays—i remember when e.g. you would pay to get access to a private torrent tracker.  torrenting is a bad example, in this case, since you’re implicitly trusting anyone you’re peering with, and you need a lot of peers for appreciable download speeds, but—supposing you could find a private server run by Someone You Trust, if those exist, it may not be the worst model

* this is all without getting into “what hygiene are you, the user, utilizing,” since there’s a big difference between Joe Blow Browsing Porn On His Company’s Network (stupid stupid stupid, don’t do it, you’ll get caught and best-case scenario have a really awkward conversation with your local IT crew), and like, Paranoid Jenny who’s only browsing sites in incognito mode, via a disposable VM on a VPS she rents in Luxembourg, or whatever

mostly it’s an interesting question because (1) i’d have to scope it more to give a good answer (threat modeling is everything), and (2) even if i scoped it better i’m not sure i have a good answer in the general case!!!  it’s an interesting thought-experiment lol

[comicteaparty]

March 25th-March 31st, 2020 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from March 25th,  2020 to March 31st, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

How many pages/how long is the ideal webcomic for you?  When do you feel something has gone on too long?

Feather J. Fern

I know I usually think anything that is over 500 chapters a bit too long for a manga series, but I do have a bunch of long running favourites. But they are comedy and gag series. I do like an ending to my stories, sometimes if it keeps oging and going, I know more is good but sometimes more is too much. I know a webtoon I really liked ended around 300 episodes, and it was long running.

I think as long as I can see the end of something I don't think it's too long. Also no chapters that don't contribue to the plot. Sometimes a lot of the time, people pad out a fun chapter for webcomics but it is just too long and starts to get boring. 4 to 5 pages of fun times it a good refresher, but when it's like 20 pages of just them chilling at a pool with NO CHARACTER DELEVOPMENT (Like this is key, if there is a plotline about teaching a character to swim, that makes sense, if there is no delevopment that's a problem)

carcarchu

you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. a webcomic can keep going as long as the content continues to be meaningful and productive but once an author starts needlessly dragging stuff out just for the sake of continuing last past the point where they actually had anything meaningful to say with it that's when it's gone on too long. i'm all for fun bonus content like "what happened after the main story ended!" but there's limits to how far that can go. once the "bonus content" goes on near as long or longer than the actual meat of the story it starts to get painful to read. i'd much rather see a series end with dignity than see a long long drawn out conclusion that no one actually wants to slog through. on the flipside a series is too short when there's not enough time to develop an attachment for the characters or you DO develop an attachment and then poof story's over

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Yesss, very apt quote there.

There are some ongoing comics with multi-thousand-strip archives that I'm caught up with, and when something has kept me interested for that long, it feels like the creators have hit a perfect groove and could keep it up forever. Skin Horse has lapped 4k, Schlock Mercenary is over 7k, and Kevin & Kell leads the pack at a bewildering 8k... But part of why it works is that they're very episodic, ensemble-cast series. They can introduce new problems at any time, resolve those while introducing more, jump to a whole different group of characters for a month in a row without missing a beat. The ideal length for a comic that's "one central story, tightly-focused on the arc(s) of a small core group of protagonists, all building to a single main climax" is way shorter, it would feel badly-paced and exhausting if it dragged on that long.

Nutty (Court of Roses)

As someone who expects their comic to reach fairly far in length, I don't think I'm comfortable judging any comic for any length it has ahahah. If it continues to hold my attention, length doesn't matter to me at all.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I agree that as long as the pacing is good and the overall direction is clear, the specific length isn’t too important to me

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I’ve followed really long webcomic series like The Pirate Balthazar, and it really depends how flexible you are with genre. Because I noticed that in a few cases, if it goes on long enough, the webcomic may shift in tone. I like PB because I don’t mind its shift from action comedy to slice of life comedy, but many people might not share the same sentiments. I usually think a webcomic grows and develops as the artist/author grows. Maybe the changes will appeal or alienate the readers.(edited)

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

I'm of the "the longer the better" camp, but I like the story to be neatly structured into volumes, each their own little finished story that still add up to a bigger whole. Kinda like a good novel series, you know?

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Massive comic archives do intimidate me at first glance - but if I'm hooked after the first chapter, then the path to the end seems all that more reasonable and fun. If the first chapter doesn't grab me, though, then the comic's length starts looking like a chore. I guess that's the case for any story, but yeah, personally, it's all about that first little hill. Get me over it, and it's smooth sailing from then on

RebelVampire

For me ideal length would actually probably depend a bit on genre. For things like horror or slice-of-life, I tend to prefer comics be a bit shorter. For me horror loses its fear factor after a point if it goes on too long. And slice-of-life I find better in small doses. Then there's things like fantasy and sci-fi, who like novels, generally should be longer cause you need more time for world-building. Then there's gag-a-day which in all essence can go onto infinity as long as the writing is still good. That being said, with the exception to gag-a-day, for genres I prefer shorter, I generally prefer them to be less than 300 pages, and for fantasy and sci-fi, I prefer less than 600. Which sounds like a lot of pages, but I've read plenty of comics with that amount that are still ongoing. Now of course, plenty of exceptions here, because if a comic is still good, it could go on for much longer for all I really care. However, just based on my personal experiences, I find for a good majority anything more than that and the comics are more likely to start dragging and padding their story too much. Also, these choices are for practicality cause I've seen a lot of comics get defeated by indefinite hiatus, and I find comics not finishing a huge disappointment. Not that I blame creators for having to move on in life, but just because I understand doesn't mean I don't get sad.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Oooof, 300 pages is not that much for fantasy to me, haha That's less than 10 chapters in the case of my comic. As a reader however, I agree with much of what was said before: as long as the story still has purpose, the length doesn't really matter. But that's more a matter of pacing than length. The only time length deters me is when I'm reading a comic for the first time, and it's over 100 chapters and still ongoing. Then, the concern becomes: "How will I ever find the time to read all this?" But there have been a few comics I started reading relatively close to when they first came out, and they went on for years and 500+ chapters. As long as the pacing is still good, it can go on forever imo.

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

How do you feel about long comics with dedicated jump-on points so that you don't have to fight through the really early archives, like schlock mercenary? Because for me it makes a huge difference if there's a dedicated "join the story here!", or if you have to start from the absolute beginning.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Ah....

I'm not really a fan, because I'd feel like I'm missing something

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Same

RebelVampire

I imagine that was directed at Cronaj, but I actually do want to answer that cause it's an interesting subtopic. And my answer is can't do it. I'm a read for the absolute beginning or no dice even when give the option. I've tried jump-on points, and I really struggle because there'll be a) pre-established relationships between characters (even if its just insider jokes) I can't connect with and b) a fandom that does know the beginning and will chat about it and you wind up auto ostracized

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, like I know some people who can jump into the a TV show starting from like, episode 4 season 2 if they get some basic explanation of prior episodes. I am not one of those people.

Same with comics

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Same

I feel so left out

And I'll have to keep asking potentially stupid questions

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I can't even ask questions because I don't have enough info to form questions

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

the sad truth

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I feel that too usually I have to go on the show's trope page to catch up

but at the same time, I also still feel a bit left out

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

If the comic is worth reading, the first 100 pages are worth reading to me

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Yep

Me too

It's more a matter of, do I have the time to read this comic at all?

Which I wish didn't come into my decision at all, but it does :/

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It's understandable, really

not enough time in the world

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

so basically

make it worth the readers' while

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

For the right readers.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

fair enough go straight for the jugular and don't hold back XD

eli [a winged tale]

I love longforms and if I’m invested, I’m there for the entire ride, no matter how long. Will agree with Rebel that it’s heartbreaking when long stories go on hiatuses (but of course, that’s life). As for jump points, I’m one where I can hop on and if I’m intrigued, start from the beginning. I have built in season trailers for this since one of the webtoons, Hooky, seemed to have used it to good effect. One interesting thing that I love is seeing the art grow with time. It’s always so interesting to see the change and the growth.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

fair enough go straight for the jugular and don't hold back XD

@shadowhood (SunnyxRain) LOL your quote always sound like you're a hunter ready for a kill

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

OH MY GOD

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

that's a great point, Eli. I feel he same. Where it depends on the series, I don't mind long form, but I have to read from the start, because the later episodes will have relationships or events I have 'missed out'. I can tell when a creator has either a) interest in world building, which explains a longer series, or 2) interest in relationship development, which tends to be a little shorter in stories. I've read comics that are in-between which is fasinating and imo, hard to juggle. Oh yes, artstyle change motivates me and what I often recommend to friends. Even if your artstyle isn't up to your standard, it will slowly evolved. It gives me inspiration not to redo series. (if I can help it)(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, if the art is CLEAR enough -- both simple event/action-wise and mood-wise -- then it's good enough. It doesn't need to be amazing.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

a lot of long term webcomic series also tend to improve on their art

so as you post it, over time you'll find yourself improving because you've forced yourself to draw so much

[xveilofnightx]

what are your favorite songs from act i and act ii and why? are there any parts of any songs that stand out to you or you really love for any reason? (because of lyrics, instrumentals, etc.) any plot/stories/ideas that you hope will be a part of act iii? any funny moments tour moments that stick out in your mind? (can be either your first hand experiences or stories heard from someone else!)

MMMMM this is a good one

For Act I, I think the live versions of every song are superior. I have a cycle of liking and then not liking the album versions. If you ask me about the album versions specifically, I'll probably say Unrest, The Stand, or Due Vendetta. If you ask me about live performances, I will say Unrest, Due Vendetta, or Will Of One. And all for different reasons, too! Ihonestly cannot stand some parts of Night Of Queen, and still think that recording of Due Vendetta is better than the album version. The album version is catchy at best, grates your ears as a neutral point, but is repulsingly cringe-worthy at its worst. And the catchy and hard hitting part comes through live more than anything.

As with Will Of One, too, though. These reasons are really the same. Something about the album version feels diluted and it lacks the contrast that makes the song itself appealing, which is forever more present in its live counterpart. Because of its lack of what makes it great, I really cannot say that Will Of One, on the album, is my favorite in any way.

The Stand is a song that is so rarely performed live that I can't even really judge it on the same terms. I don't think I've personally seen it at one of their shows (I could just be forgetting, but I don't think so). It's a pretty good gritty ballad on its own, though. I think it's one of the few times on the Act I recording where younger Panther REALLY sounds like current Panther. His voice is unique and recognizable, but I think this song brings it out the most, and that may be what i like about it. It's pretty timeless as a song itself.

I don't remember if I've personally seen Unrest either. Maybe once? They don't play it in recent years as often as they used to. I think it was one of the first Protomen songs I heard, though. Absolutely hate how the album version sounds like the thing was recorded on a toaster and put into a Newgrounds animation though (yes I know there is one, but I'm talking about the sound in general lol). And i know this album is SUPPOSED to sound rough, but it REALLY just came off as a weird muffly white noise type deal in this song. But as a song, I love it. Thank god it's very stripped down, though, because I don't think I could understand a word of it if every instrument played with all that distortion going on. The acoustic guitar on the live version absolutely DEFINES that sucker, though.

I think overall I would say Due Vendetta or Unrest, with Will Of One (live) and The Stand (album) close behind.

For Act II, my favorite for many years was Keep Quiet, just for being more funky and less ballad-driven than its sister song. Both of those (along with LUTN) were SUPER inspired by Jim Steinman, who is my favorite songwriter of all time. Breaking Out in particular has a Springsteen vibe to it, too, and I looove me some Springsteen, but I'm not exactly sure just how intentional it was (They like Springsteen, which is cool, cause Steinman also likes Springsteen. Everything is connected.)These days, I totally have a sweet spot for the first half of Act II, though (which is not inspired by Steinman, but I'm sure Steinman would totally enjoy that cowboy sounding shit. He was a closet fan of country and folk, as seen in a few of his demos). Alan Shacklock (who produced for Meat Loaf and Bonnie Tyler, whose songs were written by Steinman! I told you everything is connected!) produced this record, so I don't think it's a coincidence that the album as a whole, with it's belting vocals and western guitar fingering, bares resemblance to songs from Shacklock's band, Babe Ruth. Black Dog and The Mexican are examples that come to mind. For this, I love Act II. Not only is it a huge nod to all sorts of fictional pop culture (like Streets Of Fire, and dare I say Cobra for that soundtrack), but it is MADE of real pop culture. Act I can have it's Orwell, Hugo, and Bradbury, but Act II has Michael Paré as the MODEL for Joe (and Tom if you count the album cover, and other references in The Cover Up). I mean, seriously, have you seen the old Light Up The Night T-shirts? The black and silver ones, with what is supposed to be Joe, but is so obviously just Michael Paré/Tom Cody?

Okay but, songs, yes. I have a place in my heart for both halves. I'm going to say it's between Father Of Death and Light Up The Night. I love both live and album versions. Though if you ask me to pick purely based on the album, I may say Light Up The Night, because of the way the background vocals are mixed, and how those SWEET drums sound...they sound like a Steinman song! I also tend to feel like Gambler and Turbo's voices sound kind of flat on the album, where live they sound full, even with Shock Magnum.

tl;dr:

act i: due vendetta or unrest because they r impactful

act ii: lutn because pretty wagnerian rock opera

[charlie-minion]

Hello! I have been following you for a long time and i don’t want to pry but would you like to share what your spiritual awakening was? I am very curious Thanks 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Hey, Nonnie! I... don't know how to explain it, but I'll try. It will be kind of long, though.

As you might know, I spent all of last year journaling and doing my best to recover from the excrutiating depression I'd had for most of my life (including suicidal thoughts). I learned a lot of stuff about myself, and I even had it in me to forgive my mom and deal with lots of traumatic events. However, despite doing all that, I still had a victim mentality (without being aware of it).

Last December, I got myself some poison, but I couldn't bring myself to take it and threw it away. In January of this year, I took a lot of pills again, but they didn't cause any serious harm. I was having a really hard time, and I was at the end of my rope. So, one night, it was like 9 p.m. and I dropped to the floor and started crying like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I did what I hadn't done in months, maybe years: I prayed.

My prayers have never been memorized. I always used to talk to God, but I stopped doing it when I became convinced no one was listening. So, that night I had a long, painful conversation with God and said that I couldn't do it anymore. I begged for help because I knew I wasn't able to do it alone, and if I continued like that, I was certain I was going to end up killing myself. I didn't want to, but there was a part of me that was trying to destroy me and I felt too tired to keep fighting. I was almost ready to give up. I cried and prayed for like two hours and nothing happened. I went to bed.

Then, the strangest thing happened. I woke up at around 2:00 a.m., Monday, January 28th. And when I woke up, I sat down in my bed and there were so many emotions in me that I couldn't express through language. It was like neither English nor Spanish were enough to put into words what I was feeling. The only things I could express through vocabulary I was familiar with were "God is love", "Humanity was created in God's image", "I am love". The rest, I felt but had no words for. I just knew and felt peace and real love. Not the kind of love that we're taught as humans, but the kind of unconditional love that God, Source, or the Universe is all about.

The day before I had that weird experience, I had received a meaningful message I'd been expecting for hours. The message had arrived at 11:11 a.m. and that was the first time such number caught my attention. I had my awakening a little over 15 hours later.

After that day, I started reading about this sort of thing. I started to find vocabulary to express what I had been taught through emotion. I understood why I'd been in pain for so long and how to surrender. I've come across the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, Sadhguru, Dandapani, Dr. Bruce Lipton, and Dr. Joe Dispenza since then, and I've learned how science and spirituality go hand in hand. My transformation started soon after that.

A couple of weeks later, I was able to come face to face with my shadows: my own arrogance and other emotions of low vibration. And I felt such love and compassion for myself as you cannot imagine. I found the root of my fear and understood humanity in its entirety is taught to be fearful since birth.

We are love. All of us. And we spend our lives looking for love without realizing love is who we are. That conditional love we receive from parents, that conditional love we are taught we may receive from the God of religions (only if we obey), all that is human conditioning (aka crap!).

Suddenly, I started to see the patterns in my own thoughts and actions and in the actions of others. Everything became so obvious! And I cried some more, but not out of grief anymore; it was out of compassion for myself and the rest of the world. I understood that God is not out there; Source of energy or God (the word is just a concept anyway) lives within me and within everything and everyone else. One big consciousness.

After that, it took me a while to feel like Karla again. I knew who my body and mind were supposed to be based on my accumulated experiences, and I still play my role when needed. But, I'm aware now of what I do and say; I'm not reacting in auto-pilot mind anymore (or at least not 100% of the time lol).

Every day, little by little, I've re-programmed my mind to find reasons to be grateful where before I used to find reasons to complain. I am not ashamed of my shadows anymore. I acknowledge every aspect of me, and I know each one was born out of a need to protect myself when the environment wasn't safe. I shouldn't consider that part of me an enemy.

I don't play the duality game anymore, where something is "good" or "bad". Things are neither good nor bad. They just are. We are the ones who assign meaning, so I'm training my mind to stop being a victim and become a master.

All of that has been my spiritual awakening. It was a shift in consciousness. I let go of the thought patterns and behaviors that didn't serve me anymore. And I started to work on re-programming my subconscious mind to the best of my ability.

I hope you find this response useful. I know a year ago I wouldn't have been able to resonate with this sort of thing, but look at me now. The Universe works in mysterious ways. 😉

[freebooter4ever]

Jambalaya anon again. LOL OMG that Trader Joe's almond milk sounds disgusting. TJ's doesn't fail too often, but when they do, they fail big.

Your headcanon about Snaf steering Gene away from the Jello aisle is too cute, and it reminded me of my Nana & Grandpa (may they both RIP). They always did the grocery shopping together. Occasionally in something like the Hamburger Helper section, Grandpa would be like, "Hey, maybe we should try this." And Nana (like Snaf, a great cook) would just keep walking like she didn't hear him. Haha now I'm imagining Gene getting one of those awful 50s cookbooks and trying to make something truly gross like one of those jello molds with hot dogs or something.

As for my dinner, I ended up taking the suspect sausage back to another location and exchanged it for the trusted version. Unlike Snaf or my Nana, I do not possess the talent to turn crap into dinner gold. But dinner turned turned out great! :)

i actually googled the coconut ginger tumeric milk, worrying that i might've unwittingly been insulting about it and sure enough i guess it's based on an Indian drink 'golden milk'? Though from the reviews I saw online, the trader joes version (as they always do) is spiced to like...white people's levels. One person who wrote glowingly about the drink said they added their own additional flavoring to it, including honey which makes sense and is probably the only way to make trader joes knock off palatable haha. I'm glad your jambalaya turned out good!!!

Love your story about your grandparents ;_; mine were similar except in my case neither of them could cook. But they just insisted on going grocery shopping together every time. It was really hard in the months after grandpa died watching her grieve that. Like i was there, and although grandpa and i were very much alike in personality (and nose), i just couldn't do much. Grandma was SO BAD as a cook though hahahaha, she knew it too, didn't try to get creative. She grew up on a farm that didnt have running water, and her mother died when she was 9, so to hear grandma describe all she had to do to cook dinner for her younger siblings, pump the water, ready the vegetables...it was a lot. After she married my very italian grandfather grandma cooked her version of spaghetti and from what my grandfather described it was...basically boiled cabbage soup with noodles. My very stoic grandpa used to laugh so hard every time he'd tell the story, and he was so ridiculously proud of grandma not knowing how to cook spaghetti. And to this day grandma still refuses to fix it for dinner. She compromised in making kraft mac n cheese for me when i was a kid.

Anyway, maybe because i was around academics for the first 7 years of my career, but i could totally see Gene being the type to leave much of the household chores to Snafu without even really noticing or thinking about it (because his cerebral highly educated work is so very important). And when gene does notice his solution is definitely to like...buy magazines and try to educate himself. And snafu is just sitting there watching with amusement (and with frozen leftovers waiting to be warmed up). Luckily they probably have enough neighbors (who snafu probably dubs as 'creepy busybodies' and tries to avoid at all costs) to pawn the dubious jello concoctions off to after gene's done experimenting.