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klovenhooves · 4 years ago

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Johnny Lawrence and the Five Love Languages, Chapter Three: Receiving Gifts

It took him two weeks to get back to Daniel. Those fourteen days were a blur of legal conversations, skimming stacks of papers, finding ways to make sure Kreese’s influence over his students hadn’t warped them beyond recognition. By the end of the first week, Kreese had been removed from Cobra Kai, Johnny had secured the ownership of his dojo, and Hawk had been identified as the ringleader of the vandalism excursion. Johnny sent him with Miguel to return Miyagi’s Medal of Honor to Daniel personally.

And then Tommy died.

The second week was like wading through water too deep. He, Bobby, and Jimmy pored over Tommy’s documents, his whole life spread over the small space of a desk. Johnny had no idea how to handle someone’s affairs after they died, and it didn’t seem like Bobby or Jimmy did either. So they spent a few days trying to pack up his stuff, realizing far too late that they had no one to give it to. Most of Tommy’s clothes ended up donated to a local charity, and Bobby took the rest of his stuff to put into storage until they could figure out what to do with it.

There was no family; no one but them.

The funeral had been a nightmare, the wake a nightmare with booze. He left Cobra Kai alone during that week, confident that Miguel was still making sure Kreese couldn’t sink his hooks into anyone.

He came home at the end of the second week, bone tired and prepared to sleep for another two days, if given the opportunity, but instead of rest, he found Daniel LaRusso standing on his doorstep.

“Didn’t you hear?” he called, startling Daniel out of whatever reverie he was in. “I’m not home.”

Daniel gave him a bracing look that told Johnny someone had already informed him about Tommy’s death. “Miguel told Sam you were coming back today,” he explained. “I thought I’d bring you something.”

He noticed the package in Daniel’s hand as the words left his mouth. “You don’t have to –”

“It’s customary to send flowers,” Daniel interrupted as Johnny fumbled with his keys in the lock, “but I figured whiskey was more appropriate.”

Johnny didn’t answer, but pushed his door open and stepped aside to let Daniel through first. The place seemed emptier now that it had been empty for a week, and Johnny wasted no time in grabbing two glasses from his cabinet and holding his hand out for the bottle.

“Thank you,” Daniel said as Johnny twisted the bottle open, the label cracking in the silence. “For sending Hawk –”

“It was the least he could do,” Johnny answered, pouring a generous amount in each glass.

“Still,” Daniel took the offered glass and held it up. “To Tommy.”

Johnny had to swallow past the lump in his throat. He took a sip of the whiskey, the smell alone reminding him of the wake, of acquaintances with casseroles and black suits on squeaky pews. He watched Daniel finish the whole drink in one swallow, his mind trying to find its way back out of the week’s memories.

“What do you do?” Daniel asked when Johnny didn’t say anything.

“What do you mean?”

Daniel carefully put his glass in the sink behind Johnny, his arm just barely making contact with Johnny’s jacket. “I mean when something bad happens. What do you do?”

Johnny held up his glass, whiskey still lingering at the bottom. “You’re looking at it, kid,” he said.

Daniel rolled his eyes. “Anything else?”

Johnny shrugged. Nothing seemed particularly appealing right now, other than standing in his half-dark kitchen, listening to Daniel talk. He took another sip of his whiskey. “Trying to cheer me up, LaRusso?” he asked.

“Well, you’re certainly not making it easy,” Daniel groused, leaning against the counter. Johnny watched him lean, his worn Mets shirt riding up as he leaned back. How obvious would it be if he told Daniel that this was just fine?

Or maybe it was that it didn’t really feel right to be having fun so soon after Tommy’s death. Just yesterday he had been hauling Tommy’s old dirt bike into storage, memories washing over him. Today he was considering putting all of that out of his mind for a chance at mild amusement for a few hours. Wasn’t that disrespectful?

“Come on,” Daniel broke through his thoughts, gently extricating Johnny’s glass from his hand. “We’re going to the beach.”

“We’re what?”

“You said you were going to teach me how to surf,” Daniel pointed out, crossing his arms over his chest. “So, go get your stuff, we’re going to the beach.”

Johnny huffed a laugh, eyes searching Daniel’s countenance for the punchline. “You’re serious,” he said when he found nothing but sincerity.

“Absolutely serious,” Daniel said, crossing out of the kitchen and back into the living room. “Go get dressed. I mean it. Wetsuit and everything.”

“I’m not putting on that wetsuit,” Johnny called back on his way to his bedroom. He felt exhaustion seeping into every movement, languid and delayed. He was too tired for this. Still, he grabbed some black trunks from a long-forgotten corner of his drawers and put them on.

He met Daniel in the living room in a black muscle shirt and black trunks.

“If I fall asleep in the ocean, you better become a lifeguard,” he warned.

Daniel smiled, the quirk of his mouth looking more sad than happy. “Something tells me just sitting on your surfboard in the water is going to make you feel better.”

Johnny shrugged, but unbidden, he remembered spending hours at a time just sitting in the water, his feet submerged, after Ali dumped him, and again after the All Valley in ’84, and then again when his mother died. There was no way LaRusso could know about that, was there?

He turned away from him to get his surfboard out of the closet in the hallway, his eyes landing on the white bag on the floor as he did. He scooped it up. He had planned something different, but this was as good a time as any.

“Here,” he said, passing the bag over to Daniel, who looked taken aback. “I noticed yours were looking a little run down,” he continued as Daniel peered inside the bag, his eyes meeting his before he pulled out the little clippers. “You use those on your bonsais, right?”

“Yeah,” Daniel said softly, looking down at the shears like he didn’t know what to make of them. “I – you – you got these for me?”

Johnny huffed a laugh. “No, LaRusso, I stole them.”

“When did you have the time?” He let the stealing line slide by uncontested.

“The day after I helped you clean up your dojo,” Johnny supplied, grabbing his keys from the counter, leaving Daniel behind, staring down at the gift.

***

He still couldn’t decide what to make of it when they pulled up at the beach, Johnny dozing lightly in the passenger seat. It had been a battle to convince him not to drive, won only because Daniel threw bungee cords at him and told him to shut up and just strap the surfboard to the roof already.

The silence of the drive did nothing but allow Daniel the space and quiet to obsess over the little clippers currently sitting in his cup holder. He found his eyes straying to them more often than he’d ever admit. He still couldn’t figure out what they meant.

When had Johnny even seen his old pair of shears, admittedly rusted and creaky from old age? And why had he taken it upon himself to buy Daniel a new pair? It was a thoughtful gift, sure, but did Johnny do thoughtful gifts?

He had more questions than answers.

Along with those questions, he had questions for himself to mirror them. Why had he decided to go by Johnny’s place on the night he was coming home? His condolences could have waited a night. He hadn’t spared a whole lot of time for thinking – Sam had wandered by, thrown out as an afterthought that Miguel mentioned Sensei Lawrence was coming back into town tonight, and then Daniel was up and grabbing his keys before he could examine why.

Perhaps it was simple curiosity. Johnny had been Kreese’s lackey, his surrogate son, for as long as Daniel had known him. And then, that day at his dojo, he climbed out of the balance pond and faced his mentor, all steely gaze and clenched fists, and told him he wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

Daniel hadn’t even been given the opportunity to say anything. He just stood there, dripping, eyes wide and mouth half open, while Johnny enumerated all of the reasons he realized Kreese had been behind the vandalism of Miyagi-do. He thought about that afternoon every day while Johnny was gone, first to make sure Kreese couldn’t endanger his students, and then gone to see and bury Tommy.

He had questions he wanted to ask, thoughts he wanted to say out loud, but now wasn’t the time. There were more important things than Johnny’s allegiance, especially tonight.

Johnny jerked awake when he put the car in park, his eyes dark in the shadow. Daniel just gave him a momentary smile and pushed the door open, content to let him wake up while he unhooked the surfboard.

“You aren’t wearing swim trunks,” Johnny pointed out when he finally wrestled the surfboard down.

“All clothes can get wet,” Daniel shrugged, toeing off his shoes and leaving them behind on the floor of his car.

Johnny didn’t answer, and Daniel wondered if he was also thinking of their time in the balance pond. How Johnny had definitely leaned in for a kiss before they were interrupted. How Daniel had definitely not stopped him.

“Who told you about Tommy?” Johnny asked on their walk toward the water, the ocean a gentle giant ahead of them, sparkling in the moonlight.

“Bobby,” Daniel said, pulling his shirt off and leaving it behind on the sand. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Johnny doing the same. “Apparently you talked about me to him.”

Johnny almost stumbled, a momentary loss of balance that a normal observer wouldn’t have caught, but Daniel carefully noted it and continued.

“He wanted to warn me that if you came back trying to pick a fight, there was a reason.”

“Bobby fucking Brown,” Johnny muttered under his breath, the comment almost lost by the sound of the waves. And then he stopped walking. “How does Bobby have your number?”

Daniel shrugged, trying to read the expression on Johnny’s face from the side. “Maybe you gave it to him.”

“No, I didn’t,” he said, so sure of himself that Daniel wanted to ask how he knew, why he was so confident that he wasn’t just handing out Daniel’s phone number to other people.

Bobby had always been the most reasonable of Johnny’s friends, in Daniel’s opinion. He had watched him, from the relative protection of Miyagi’s side, try to defend Johnny the night he lost the All Valley; he had seen him go pale when Kreese shoved him away and tightened his hold around Johnny’s neck.

“Do you talk to them?” Daniel asked as the water slipped over their feet, a cold and sharp reminder of their reality. “The Cobras?”

Johnny scoffed at the name, the sound lost by the waves. “I should, shouldn’t I?” he asked, looking over. His eyes were painfully sad.

“Their numbers are in your phone,” Daniel pointed out, the water rising up to his knees.

Johnny put the surfboard down in the water and held it in place with one hand. “It’s not that simple, LaRusso.”

And oh, did Daniel understand him. How many friends did he have that he regularly talked to? None, if he excluded family and his own employees. He had plenty of phone numbers in his contacts, plenty of people who were quick to catch up with him at the club, but were they friends? Would they miss him if he died? He understood that terrible loneliness, and how hard it was to crawl out from under it.

“I suppose not,” he said, and he could see Johnny looking at him from the corner of his eye, searching for an explanation, a story to go along with his offhand comment. Daniel didn’t give him one.

“Come on, LaRusso,” he said finally, patting the surfboard. “Up you go.”

The water was just above waist height, the tide strong enough that it was constantly tilting Daniel off-balance. He heaved himself onto the surfboard as gracefully as possible, feeling at least marginally satisfied with himself when he didn’t immediately fall off.

“Up you go,” he said, patting the surfboard in front of him. Johnny furrowed his brows, mouth twisting into an amused grimace. “Come on, Johnny, get on the surfboard.”

“I thought I was teaching you how to surf.”

“I lied,” Daniel shrugged. “Besides, you’re way too tired for that. Get on the damn surfboard, don’t be a baby.”

Johnny eyed him curiously, long enough that Daniel almost took back his suggestion, almost abandoned the enterprise altogether. Maybe he had miscalculated – perhaps he had misunderstood Johnny in the balance pond two weeks ago. And then Johnny bit his lip and pulled himself onto the surfboard, hardly jostling Daniel at all, settling on the surfboard with his back to Daniel.

“You could call them,” Daniel said to Johnny’s back, the sentence flowing out of his mouth with ease now that Johnny wasn’t looking at him. “Your friends.”

“They all have lives, LaRusso,” Johnny muttered, his feet barely kicking. “Careers, wives, children –”

“You could be a part of it –”

Johnny scoffed, the movement driving his back into Daniel’s chest. “I can barely handle my own career, my own kid.”

“You don’t have to handle your friends, Johnny.”

“They’d have to handle me.”

A wave jostled them and Daniel instinctively wrapped his arms around Johnny’s middle, trying to keep himself on the board. Johnny went still – all the way down to his feet – until the wave passed and the board mellowed out. He took his arms back, making sure to gently remove them, and considered Johnny’s statement.

He didn’t say anything – Johnny didn’t give him the time.

“Sometimes it feels like friendship doesn’t exist,” he said into the darkness, his head tilted just barely upward to look at the moon. “We’re just near each other – if we weren’t, we wouldn’t be friends.”

Daniel couldn’t tell if he was talking about the Cobras or about Daniel himself.

“I know,” he said.

“Tommy was sick,” Johnny said, leaning back until he was pressed completely to Daniel’s chest. “I didn’t even know.”

Daniel let his hands settle around Johnny’s middle, fingers threaded together to keep them together. “Sickness happens.”

He remembered his father, vivacious and friendly one day, withdrawn and weak the next. The smell of the hospital that seemed to permeate all of his clothes, even down to his skin. The sad way his eyes would look when he turned his wistful gaze to the window near the end. Like he was waiting for it.

“I could have –”

Daniel held him tighter. “You were there when it mattered.”

Johnny kicked one foot in the water listlessly. “Every day mattered, LaRusso.”

Daniel didn’t say anything. He could feel the familiar ache that came with nostalgia, bittersweet and tender. It, along with the warmth of Johnny’s body pressed to his chest, the lulling of the waves, made him feel peculiarly dreamy.

“How did Bobby get your number?” Johnny asked after a long bout of silence.

Daniel closed his eyes and rested his forehead on Johnny’s shoulder. “Jealous?” he asked.

Johnny exhaled a laugh, lost to the sound of the waves. “All the time,” he said.

“You gave him my number when you were drunk,” Daniel murmured, pulling his head off of Johnny’s shoulder and pulling him farther back, comfortably lounging. “He told me himself.”

“Why did he really call you?”

Daniel looked down at him, blond head resting over his heart. “So I could be here when you got back.”

Johnny shifted, his eyes just barely managing to catch Daniel’s before he looked out over the water again. “Did he tell you about the ocean?”

Daniel furrowed his brows. “I don’t think so.”

“How did you know I like being out here when I’m sad?” Johnny asked, turning to see Daniel more completely, his head now on Daniel’s bicep, the surfboard tilting with their weight just enough to make Daniel uncomfortable.

He sighed. “Because I’m paying attention.”

They stayed that way for a long time, in comfortable silence, long enough that Daniel felt the moment Johnny drifted off to sleep, head resting on his chest, close to his neck. He let him sleep for an hour or so, holding tightly to him, the wind sending him the smell of the ocean and Johnny’s shampoo, thinking of Bobby Brown and his father and all of the others.

They drove home in peaceful silence.

#lawrusso #Johnny Lawrence and the five love languages

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Your nan in? Janis: what? Jimmy: not a hard question, does she work weekends or what? Janis: stop trying to get with my nan, freak Jimmy: I'm trying to do nowt, our kid is Jimmy: [a picture of Bobby with a lewk on and some kind of gift for Libi because he's asking her out lowkey] Jimmy: so go on, she there or not? Janis: Aw Janis: where's he off to? Janis: I'm looking after Libi, dunno if it's classed as punishment or they just wanted to piss off out for the day that bad Jimmy: Asia's sister's having a 🥳🎂🎁 and he don't wanna go on his own Jimmy: last night were the first I heard Jimmy: so I said I'd ask if he can invite Libi out Janis: relatable Janis: wouldn't wanna face all those 🦷🦷 alone either Janis: I'll show her the 📸 sure she'll be pure buzzing Jimmy: it's alright for you I've gotta piss about and translate 'cause none of them can be bothered to learn how to talk to him Jimmy: not til 🕑 loads of time to put her 👗👠👑 on but he's been ready for ages Janis: I mean, glad they haven't just assumed they can shout really, really loud at him Janis: only cute when she does it, obvs Janis: but that's shit, Asia's gonna think you're hanging about to 👀 her, you know Janis: 👗👠👑 and everything Jimmy: I were 🤞 she wouldn't wanna be there surrounded by kids and that, but they probably are her mental age Jimmy: be a right laugh then, this 😒 Jimmy: 🤞 now I can convince the pair of them to go do something else Janis: they're weird about it Janis: great for the 'gram pretending you're bezzies with your little sisters Jimmy: the rest of the #squad gonna be there then? Janis: not 💀👑 or #2 I doubt Janis: maybe the others though Jimmy: I get it, they'd scare the kids Jimmy: float away if they grab a 🎈 Janis: with their combined BMI, no point pretending they wanna be future mummy bloggers Janis: 🩸🩸 pact it ain't Jimmy: sure Azerbaijan or whatever her name is, is gutted they ain't coming Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Auntie Mimi Janis: 😏 Jimmy: you got a 👗👠👑 there you can chuck on an' all? Janis: so nice of you to reckon I'm ready to step in to sign backup Jimmy: you know loads of insults, that's all the birthday girl ever has to say to him Janis: she must be unbearable Janis: Asia with less filter, some fucking how Janis: I can come with Jimmy: tah Jimmy: it were doing his head in 💭 what it might be like Janis: understandable Janis: kids are dicks Janis: but if everyone else is going, you don't wanna be the one who don't Jimmy: yeah, he weren't having that Janis: they'll have a good time Janis: providing he ain't 😳 to be seen with her Janis: she's putting on some kind of costume rn Janis: might need to 👍👎 Jimmy: he'll be chuffed Jimmy: if this party had been the other year with his mates from home he'd have put his own 👗👠👑 on Janis: Asia's probably dressed bday girl up in a matching 'fit with her Janis: lovely visual, not weird as fuck Janis: they'll be the most 😎 ones there, deffo Jimmy: I'm wrapping a weird doll with massive 👀 that looks like her on a night out rn Jimmy: [a picture] Janis: ✝️✝️✝️ Janis: gonna tell the hot priest to book that in after me Jimmy: sent a 🎁 list, her mini me, you ever heard of such a pisstake? Jimmy: mate, you're turning 7 Janis: bad enough when adults do it just 'cos they've decided to do the paperwork Janis: that's some bullshit Jimmy: she's such a little twat 🤞 Libi gives her the shit 🎅 treatment Janis: letting her bring her whatever tat she's picking up about the gaff Janis: go ahead, like Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: brb gonna go dress in all black like those dickheads who work puppets Janis: when are you not all in black though Jimmy: loads Janis: 🏫 don't count Janis: no choice Janis: or whatever the CG uniform is Jimmy: 1. I weren't on about school 2. you know what the uniform is, you've been in Janis: not committed it to memory like Janis: soz Janis: have to 💭 about Pete more, you're right Jimmy: you did 👀 at it enough, dickhead Jimmy: but I get it, my 👀 are up a bit from the apron Jimmy: very PG, you Janis: PC and PG Janis: 💔 Jimmy: good thing I've got you to rein me in at this bollocks party Janis: not a wet blanket Janis: but this party will probably be traumatizing enough so you're welcome anyway Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: she can stay at ours after if she wants, let you piss off and do something that ain't Janis: oh, yeah, cheers Jimmy: no bother Janis: if you ever need, he can come here Jimmy: take you up on that when this Sharon's gone and Ian's hanging about 💔🎻😭 Janis: a new one? Janis: or is xmas Sharon back Jimmy: doing the rounds her Jimmy: be a record Janis: 😱 Janis: buy a hat Jimmy: get another exorcism booked, more like Jimmy: been trying to 🙏 her away Janis: he's a little preoccupied rn Janis: oops, soz, He's Jimmy: bloody typical Janis: shit nan got in early and they're like 🤝 Janis: do anything for her Janis: priorities Jimmy: 💔 she won't do owt for me Jimmy: reckoned I'd made a top first impression Janis: @ her Jimmy: what is it? Janis: @godandmejudgingeverybody Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: she reckons so too Jimmy: I worked that out when we 🤝 Janis: BFFs in the making Jimmy: obvs Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: if she's chucking about incense an' all, I might do Janis: Poor boy Janis: baptism of 🔥 ain't far off Jimmy: still 😱😱 you didn't do that to Lucas' car Jimmy: what did I even bother giving you a lighter for, girl? Janis: 😒 piss off Janis: you didn't see how fucked it was Janis: talk 😱😱 like Freddie got hold of it Jimmy: where's the 📷s? Janis: love keeping evidence on my phone, me Janis: think on Janis: getting us out of detention, not back in Jimmy: weren't gonna tweet 'em, calm yourself down Janis: see for yourself Monday Janis: not like he can afford a replacement or paint job Jimmy: he'll have had it done piss poor Janis: just some emulsion Janis: not for his baby Jimmy: gotta do what you've gotta do Jimmy: we've all nicked out the 🎨 cupboard Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: oh so you don't want today's? alright Jimmy: ❌ Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: in the 🗑 now, Janet Janis: shut up Janis: give it me Jimmy: when I see you Jimmy: can't have you feeling left out about all these 🎁s Jimmy: our kid's been trying to pick half the garden like it ain't winter Janis: so smooth, that one Jimmy: SO 😍💕🤝 the pair of them Janis: it's pretty cute Janis: for now Jimmy: can't wait to see how many Josephs the star of the nativity's got Jimmy: bet her sister and me can't count that high Janis: you calling a 7 year old a slag? 😏 Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: 💭 about someone else then, my bad Jimmy: that sounds like you, we're back on track Janis: now I'm a slag Janis: have been chatting to my nan Jimmy: ain't my fault 💀👑 reckons 💭 is cheating if anyone else does it Janis: the dissonance between that and 1. what she do and more importantly 2. what daddy do Janis: 🤯 Jimmy: dunno what your 🤓🗨 means but she's a hypocrite, yeah Janis: come on Janis: left out cognitive for you Jimmy: 🏆 Jimmy: Bill wanted you to have that Janis: that's why he's my fave Jimmy: alright, I'll leave you to @ him Janis: OR Janis: you could be nice to me and I'll reconsider my ratings Jimmy: invited you to a 🥇 party a bit ago Jimmy: don't get nicer than that, dickhead Janis: **a shit party, possibly the shittest if Asia's had fuck all to do with organizing Janis: but you are bringing me a pity present so 🥉 Jimmy: Oi, it's a masterpiece Jimmy: and I'm having Libi for you when she's 🎂🧁🍭🍬😁 Janis: you aren't offering spoilers Janis: but you did offer that Jimmy: you can have one that I reckoned wouldn't be #goals enough Jimmy: [funny doodles shading the gals and this party etc, we know what I'm saying] Janis: 😂😂😂 Janis: it's 🤓 goals Jimmy: you can frame it, just don't stick in on your story Janis: still know what I'm doing Janis: not been that long Jimmy: THANK GOD Jimmy: teaching you signing is one thing Janis: oi Janis: you don't need to teach me nothing about #goals Jimmy: you do alright Janis: better than any other bitch could Jimmy: that'll be why I picked you Jimmy: not some other lass Janis: don't act like you're regretting it then Jimmy: if I were performing that scene it'd be loads more dramatic Janis: wait for your cue Jimmy: how about you stop reading ahead Janis: 🤪 Jimmy: I said you were doing alright not that I were regretting owt Janis: I don't like the sound of alright Janis: sounds a bit participation 🏆 Jimmy: *🥈 Janis: that means 🥈 as a team Janis: joint effort Jimmy: it means you're 🥈 to my 🥇 Janis: bollocks Jimmy: how is it? Janis: you're no better Janis: we do the same amount Jimmy: UGH fine Janis: you can't be 🥇 on your own Janis: ✊🍆 Jimmy: couldn't be #goals on my own Janis: same thing Jimmy: is it? Janis: with what we're talking about Jimmy: I were giving you my review, not the fans Janis: I know how big your head is Janis: no need to 💬 Jimmy: you can have a 🥇 for how massive yours is an' all Janis: I don't want that one Jimmy: what do you want? Janis: 🥇 review Jimmy: that's what you had before you picked holes in my wording Janis: fine Janis: say it again and I'll 🤐 Jimmy: I'll 🤐 Janis: UGH fine Jimmy: 🙄 ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Janis: if I wanted to chat to my sister Janis: I'd ask if she was coming Jimmy: and if I wanted my lines corrected I'd @ Bill's 👻 Janis: maybe if I 🔊 'em I'd feel different Jimmy: I'll follow Libi's lead Janis: as long as it's before the shindig Janis: doesn't sound #goalz Jimmy: we'll have to whisper then Jimmy: wouldn't want the birthday girl to hear me calling her a twat Janis: 😏 Janis: not 🥇 guest behaviour Janis: heaven forbid Jimmy: have to have our own party and have it be up to us what's 🥇 guest behaviour Janis: we should Janis: but where Jimmy: we can have it here 🤞 they'll trash the place and Ian'll be so 💔🎻😭 he packs what's left up Janis: alright Janis: but where are you putting the kid Janis: your sister can hang maybe but call me crazy, six is a bit too young Jimmy: with his 👰? Janis: 💡 Janis: we could set that up Janis: my nan works with kids, the non-shit one Libi lives with Janis: he'd be good Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: ✔👍 Janis: BUT WHAT WILL WE WEAR Jimmy: OMG! Jimmy: 🛍🛍🛍!! Janis: 😍😍😍 Janis: YAAAAAAAASSSSSS Jimmy: what are you actually wearing for this bollocks in a bit though? Jimmy: 🚫💡 me Jimmy: do I go #goals or do her head in? Janis: you don't wanna look like you've made a special effort for her Janis: but I will be there so 🤔 Janis: go hot but more what they 💭 I'm into Jimmy: so dress like a lass? alright Janis: 😒❌ Janis: peak 'you' Janis: twat Jimmy: 😎 I get it Janis: 👏 Janis: there you go Jimmy: tah 😘 Jimmy: would HATE to upstage the birthday girl Janis: I've checked their socials to make sure I do Janis: as you asked Jimmy: should be in the group chat Jimmy: [shows her pisstakey qs he's been sending Asia] Janis: I turned the notifs off Jimmy: they do go on and on Jimmy: I won't 🗨 that'll be why you're 🥈 Janis: they wanna 🗨 to you Janis: not me Jimmy: but I want to talk to you Jimmy: and read what you have to say to them, obvs Janis: okay, fair point Jimmy: you're funny, said that before Janis: I won't 🗨 if it's list worthy Jimmy: alright, I won't tell you Janis: 😔 Jimmy: what? Janis: now I wanna know, obviously Janis: but Jimmy: but? Janis: won't ask won't tell Jimmy: so ask Janis: well you'll probably just say nah now Jimmy: make me sound like more of a dickhead Janis: you're not Janis: you just take the piss Jimmy: I know when to leave it out Janis: okay Janis: so does it? Jimmy: why wouldn't it? Janis: I know I'm great and have a MASSIVE head and everything Janis: but don't crack myself up Janis: 🤣🤣🤣😬 Jimmy: it's my list Jimmy: dunno why that's hard to get your head round Jimmy: you don't get a say what's on it and it don't matter if you agree or not Janis: alright Janis: were just saying why it might not be Jimmy: alright Janis: but is it Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: not gonna have a list of things and just not put something I give you loads of compliments about on it Janis: okay Janis: 😎 Jimmy: 🚭 for a bit 💔🎻 Janis: might have cigars Janis: is a birthday Jimmy: one Asia might've organised Janis: those candy ones Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 Janis: Bobby will be in his impression element Jimmy: he'd have to take Libi's fav 🖍 out from behind his 👂 Jimmy: not very #goals Janis: goals when she realises Janis: so 😍 Janis: she's done him a picture Janis: tell him to pretend it's good Jimmy: well harsh critic, you Jimmy: dunno if I wanna give you this 🎨 now Jimmy: or tell him owt 'cause he's been trying to get us to go knock on your nan's door for ages Janis: she's 4, and not picasso Janis: that's not mean Janis: we are ready, if he wants to come play first, or go to the park Janis: whatever Jimmy: you've near had my 👂 off, don't make me van Gogh Jimmy: be nice to me Janis: awh Janis: don't be 💙 Janis: come over Jimmy: okay Janis: you don't have to Janis: but she's rabid too Jimmy: I've left, not gonna turn him back round Jimmy: hang on Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [show up so Bobby can adorably ask Libi to come to this party with him like it's a date on the doorstep and Jimothy can give his bae a single 🌹 for the shakespearean romance of it along with this 🎨 which I like to think isn't just a doodle like the rest but a full moment because she really inspired him by getting them out of detention] Janis: [she will be thrilled, love to imagine how iconic the party fit we've assembled is, a whole mishmash of things we love you know the vibe, probably gonna smooch him like what a lovely surprise and this is her romcom now lmao, thank god these kids be distracted 'cos we are likewise overwhelmed af by both these gestures in a way we don't even want babbies to see thank you] Jimmy: [I know that you'd never be able to find a lewk iconic enough for this mvp so I shall imagine it, likewise glad that these children are having their rom com moment because adorable but also because Jimothy would be feeling so awks because we don't normally try with our art and don't think we're good at it, go show Bobby your room gal, kids love doing that and JJ can have a cuppa or something and calm down] Janis: [yeah idk what pinterest rabbit hole I'd have to go down but doubt we'd get the desired effect, I'm thinking some kind of superhero moment on top w a cape, then a tutu, then some snazzy boots, then a crown, you know exactly the moment we're wilding and Asia's sisters are gonna be like oh lmao, probably put Killer in the garden so she doesn't bowl Bobby over immediately but you can go play with her too, just keep looking at this art shamelessly 'cos he's stepped his game up and we are impressed, also finding a way to braid this rose into our hair which again doubt I'll get a photo but it'd be a lewk as well, go sit with your cuppas like the parents you are lol] Jimmy: [yeah they are usually v basic with their children's lewks you'd need instagram or like a celeb who lets their kid dress themselves and even then, might not be the vibe, Asia's sisters can honestly fuck off because we know the older one who's like younger than Cass so in my head probably like 9/10 is an even bigger bitch so, what's important is how buzzing these kids are because haven't seen each other for ages and how 😳 Jimmy is by her reaction to the art and her hair lewk and how shamelessly he'd be checking her out when she was making the tea because we know she's also wearing one] Janis: [like she's 4 hens idk what to tell ya, she does not care for your shade, we're having a time, we all know the gals, whoever be there, will be going for an overly girly look so you'd win by default but we've clearly tried 'cos want to and we know why] Jimmy: [not soz that she's not 7 going on 17 like the bday gal, idk about you but I feel like if Hollie has any siblings they are probably brothers so she has no reason to be there, so realistically none of them might be unless Grace is babysitting instead of working in the clothes shop in which case she might be but it wasn't really about any of you or for your benefit hens, plus that feels like a vibe because Asia probably was thinking she'd flirt with him] Janis: [tea, like she's a hoe so she don't care but she could've gone in if none of them were about so a mood, not soz to stop that awkwardness at all 'what continent is in his class then?'] Jimmy: [lbr Mia would be encouraging her to like she'd been trying to get Grace to when he first arrived so yeah, as for replying to the bae we just 😏 and shrugging as we make up loads of more and more ridiculous names] Janis: [we all know it, like okay ladies it's clearly not going anywhere but pop off embarrassing yourselves trying, just having a moment of doing that back and forth for the lols] Jimmy: [let it go Mia! we all know he'll have choked on his tea at least once because she is funny we weren't wrong] Janis: [we've missed this] Jimmy: [live your best lives kids even if he would keep getting distracted by the hair 🌹] Janis: ['any particular plan of attack or?'] Jimmy: ['you not leaving me on my own 'cause she'll have one for me' we're joking but lowkey where is the lie] Janis: [just a look that is like ew but obviously 'or with her ma' 'cos just imagining her as an older Asia like there's just all the generations here] Jimmy: [the look on his face would be everything because we've not even considered that] Janis: [just like mhmm, doubt you've ever met her mum in a real capacity girl but also doubt you're wrong lol 'dad did one for a reason...I'll protect you'] Jimmy: [snuggling into her like we're trying to hide which is obvs purely for the pisstake and not because we want to] Janis: [snuggling him back but in a really extra way to prove we're also in on the #bants of it all] Jimmy: ['you got a plan?' like is there anything you wanna do to fuck with the gals while we're there, blatantly still in the snugg as we say this] Janis: [thinking, not just to drag this whole experience out but you know, 'are we inviting them to the party?'] Jimmy: [drawing little ?s on her skin while she's thinking without thinking ourselves about how distracting that'd be or why we probably shouldn't rn 'depends'] Janis: [! when he's doing it but then doing it back to the depends] Jimmy: ['are we still their fake mates?' because lbr the temptation always to just tell them all to go fuck themselves and genuinely thinking about how she was gonna behave at this party if Janis wasn't there] Janis: [shrugs 'they're shit mates, we don't have to invite them and we could still use it later to fuck with them' like they'll get over the diss of not being invited so fuck it if we don't wanna] Jimmy: ['alright' boy you make me laugh does that mean you wanna invite them or you don't] Janis: [tickle him a bit like alright what, dickhead] Jimmy: [so fake offended like excuse you I'm not off my tits on Helena's pain meds today but we know he's actually okay because he's obvs ticking her back more than she did to him] Janis: [getting out 'I will kick you' but as a warning not a threat 'cos don't wanna actually injure you here boy] Jimmy: ['no you won't' lowkey sounds like a challenge there boy but we know you're saying she loves you too much 'not shit mates, us'] Janis: [a LOOK 'we're alright' 'cos didn't mean to drag you so much over a word, the feels are confusing and high] Jimmy: [return the LOOK 'and you are' because you're alright too still even though you did drag him 😏] Janis: [between 🤭 and 😳 like okay, I know, shh but we're not mad 'you' like you too bitch] Jimmy: [touch her hair like you've wanted to this entire time 'but this...' like this needs a word you won't drag me for because you've made such good choices gal 'not alright' because at the same time WE ARE AFFECTED AF] Janis: ['do something about it then' which IS a challenge but you know full well these kids are in and out/you have no time but do we care] Jimmy: [is going to pull her hair in that way that's meant to be playful and pisstakey but is saucy as all hell because of course he is] Janis: [trying so hard NOT to react and make a sound that the lip bite you have to do would be indecent Jimmy: [so indecent that he'd have to do his own while we run our thumb over her bottom lip like always] Janis: [kissing that thumb honey] Jimmy: [I hope the kids are busy because we're making a SOUND like it or not] Janis: [be in the bedroom playing happily tah] Jimmy: [you gotta because we're pulling her into our lap to kiss her] Janis: [we will let you have this 'cos you need to] Jimmy: [likewise gotta let him also pull whatever clothes he needs aside so he can do an epic lovebite somewhere where these kids nor the kids at this party can't see the massive bruise because they'd all have faded and that upsets me] Janis: [boo says not on my watch, I also sincerely hope mcvickers have gone somewhere for the day and don't just waltz in now because we are so into it] Jimmy: [soz but we've started something now without him stopping himself so we literally cannot stop, it has been forever since they last did any of this] Janis: [concerned he would never wanna again so we're doing the most rn] Jimmy: [I don't even need to say how into it he is] Janis: [bit rude of us to do this and send you to a kid's party but that's life] Jimmy: [I am that rude bitch] Janis: [if it wasn't rude to Bobby we'd just dump you on 'em but you know, this has dealt with some tension and increased the rest lmao] Jimmy: [you're welcome but also I'm soz (I'm not though) hens] Janis: [gotta stunt on Asia so she can report back] Jimmy: [we shall and it'll be glorious] Jimmy: [I was thinking there should be a person there doing the kids' make up and nails because she's 7 going on 17 and so Bobby should get his painted Libi's fave colour and vice versa] Janis: [that's cute as hell, Libi acting like this makeup lady is a facepaint one like make me this tah] Jimmy: [don't worry gal, jimothy will paint your face for you when we leave this party and it will be bomb because I feel like the makeup woman is like that hairdresser woman in the duchess who wouldn't let her daughter sit in the car] Janis: [Luckily you to lil to be made to feel embarrassed just like hmm you're not very good are you like can't make me a tiger? bit shit hen lmao] Jimmy: [sass everyone gal JJ are here for it and you know they'd also ask her to facepaint them, just coming at her with ideas until she's like please stop] Janis: [this woman trying to paint pink nails and do some sparkly gloss and we're like challenge yourself babes, also gonna scran this party food it better be good fam] Jimmy: [I hope it tastes alright at least even if it looks tacky as hell lol] Janis: [at least you can't not go the sugar route at a kids bday, can't make 'em eat salads n water lol] Jimmy: [imagine everyone dancing please, JJ be dancing, Libi and Bobby, Libi and Jimothy and Janis and Bobby] Janis: [a whole mood, imagine everyone's faces at all times it's so amusing] Jimmy: [I can't wait for when Asia reports all of this back to Mia and she sees all the content everyone is posting] Janis: [when has a boy ever, the idea of even bringing one home horrifies y'all] Jimmy: [not at all soz that he's actually the softest boy ever and loves both of these bubs instead of whatever weird barista stereotype y'all thought] Janis: [they obvs thought he was 😎 stereotype for real like ok gals] Jimmy: [omg just saw on Pinterest these cards like who knows the bday girl best that you fill in and we have to have JJ fill in some for their own lols that they obvs aren't gonna give to this child but] Janis: [that's a must omg] Jimmy: [also there should be like a cupcake decorating station or something like that because the bubs would actually have fun doing that and JJ can be competitive doing theirs] Jimmy: [photobooth goes without saying but one where the photos come out and you can keep them because then we can have so many great mems thank you] Janis: [when we're just ignoring every guest lowkey love it] Jimmy: [obvs if there are kids in your class you fuck with Bobby you can proudly introduce Libi to them, cos let's assume they aren't all dicks] Jimmy: [and lowkey Libi can introduce Bobby because he's been too shy to talk to any of y'all] Janis: [statistically, some of you must be okay lol, also some kids lowkey like the shine of a 'different' kid and like to like help, which is cute even if it's a bit like oh you special, they don't mean it like that] Jimmy: [yeah at that age they are basically just trying to be nice and helpful so it's fine] Janis: [make some friends, Libi is v sociable so this should be fun and not as terrible as you worried, we got you babe] Jimmy: [at least if Libi has got this JJ can have a sec to themselves] Janis: [got to be couple #goals too, I mean we have been but like, keep Asia away] Jimmy: [because that's the ONLY reason honey not that we just wanna] Janis: [mhmm, obvs, not like we got interrupted from going there] Jimmy: [and we obvs think she's gonna just leave after this and go do whatever so we're trying to make the most of this time as if we won't shamelessly invite her in to have her face painted] Janis: [like where does she wanna be, she didn't even wanna beforehand but especially not now lol god bless] Jimmy: [like he probably thinks she wants to go 🐕🏃 for that 💰 but you could literally take these children with you sir] Janis: [like that is what we would do but we also want a life 'cos we've not for these last 3 going on 4 years and it's getting old] Jimmy: [the tea because likewise all he does is work and look after Bobby and Cass so we just wanna live our own life] Janis: [it's both what we want and good news guys you're gonna make it] Jimmy: [gonna be such good parents because you're already doing it now when you're literally 15 and not in a good headspace/situation] Janis: [letting you have fun first, we still gotta look after these kiddos but we're gonna get rid of Ian and Cass will be old enough to help and it'll all be better] Jimmy: [sounds like they are gonna kill Ian which makes me lol] Janis: [lmao, plottwist but no, lowkey what do happen to you Ian lordt] Jimmy: [please feel free to fuck off somewhere else like back up north sir] Janis: [that's a mood, like okay, bye then] Jimmy: [but anyway before we get derailed is there anything else you wanna do at this party or shall we skip?] Janis: [we probably know the vibes, we all had a good time despite the odds and the gals are gonna get the lowdown from Asia] Jimmy: [enjoy the walk back because the kids will be running ahead buzzing off all this sugar and their good time] Janis: [you should take both dogs out as y'all are buzzing, run off their energy too] Jimmy: [good idea because Twix do need to socialise too she's just a baby] Janis: [yeah Killer is a bit older now but she's still v excitable] Jimmy: [just two 🐕 gal pals] Janis: [love stories for all lollollol] Jimmy: [imagine all the artsy pics Jimothy would be getting like a little art hoe] Janis: [we're about it, such a family unit honestly it's wild] Jimmy: [I love it but not the awkward moment when they get back to mcvickers house to take Killer home and he has to be like are you coming to have your face painted or what because fully expecting her to be like nahhh] Janis: [DO YOU WANT YOUR FACE PAINTED BITCH, just seeming like we're like HELL YEAH 'cos we do wanna come] Jimmy: [also we should say mcvickers are back for the lols] Janis: [absolutely, we would've messaged them so they weren't like HELLO but now when we're going back to his it's like SeriousParentTime™] Jimmy: [maybe they won't let Libi sleep over so she's just coming for a bit because then once Bobby crashes they can actually live] Janis: [that makes sense for now, she's probably never had a sleepover outside of the fam because she's that small so go with that] Jimmy: [and lowkey we could potentially palm Bobby off on Cass to put to bed if they wanted to go to the pub or wherever because they are both serving lewks] Janis: [have walked the dog and had 'em all day, c'mon gal lol] Jimmy: [exactly but for now go and do your facepainting sesh because I vote that Bobby is a 🐺 seeing as it's like a dog upgrade and he's feeling himself today and that Jimothy gets the bae to do him as a 💀 for that flatwhite shade] Janis: [ooh, what do you wanna be gals] Janis: [hmm, Libi should ask for a galaxy moment 'cos Star, no pressure, get abstract lmao, maybe a vampire moment for you Janis] Jimmy: [let's not think about how up close and personal facepainting is lads] Janis: [but let's lmao] Jimmy: [please go return the favour of showing Libi your room and then like go on the trampoline or something children] Janis: [live your best lives so we can be here with our face paint on lol] Jimmy: [obvs offering her more tea] Janis: [just gesturing to our face like make it blood but obvs nodding 'cos duh] Jimmy: [he is a big enough nerd to like bring you a glass of water with red food colouring in it while the kettle boils] Janis: [🙄😏 'cos he's funny too hun] Jimmy: [pretends like he's gonna snatch that 🌹 out of her hair and put it in the water but obvs doesn't actually] Janis: [fake #shooketh 'no takebacks'] Jimmy: ['you wanna kill it an' all?' just flirting and sassing nbd] Janis: ['sure, blame me when you picked it' fake tut] Jimmy: [Oi, you inspired me, it is your fault' looks up dramatically to where Bill's ghost would be floating around 'and a bit his'] Janis: [flirty smiles at where Bill is like I don't mind hehe] Jimmy: [throw something at her like we're so fake jealous and fuming] Janis: [throw something back 'he can't help being a romantic'] Jimmy: [going to make that tea like uggggggggh] Janis: don't be jealous Janis: he 💕 you too Jimmy: he's just using me to get to you Jimmy: not as thick as I look Janis: how long were you chatting to asia Janis: sounds just like her Jimmy: if she's the unappreciated genius 🖋🎭 instead of me and my 🎨 FUMING Jimmy: plot twist too far, that Janis: 😂 Janis: think you're safe Janis: much to her 💔 Jimmy: I were a bit ago an' all, tah for that Jimmy: very 💪🏆🥇 you Janis: reckon you could take her in a fight but Janis: yeah Jimmy: not THAT northern, steady on Janis: you'd be doing her a favour Janis: 🦷🦷 Janis: so fuck that Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: if I were bothered about doing other lasses favours I'd open my DMs Janis: you've mentioned Jimmy: you want owt else while I'm here? Janis: all good Janis: tah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I'm glad he ended up having a good time Janis: and not every kid in his class is a little twat Jimmy: only be 💔🎻😭 when she goes off home Jimmy: how it should be Janis: 😏 such a purist, you Jimmy: a what? Jimmy: sounds well like you're insulting us Janis: maybe Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: LITERALLY just complimented you Janis: when? Janis: must be AGES ago Jimmy: I get it, you don't know how to tell time either Jimmy: it's alright, we'll work it out together Jimmy: [bring that tea in] Janis: [buzzing like we really need this tea, nothing to do with you] Jimmy: [we're totally also buzzing about this tea and not because she is, yep] Janis: [no one is this excited for a cuppa not even yous or us lol] Jimmy: [I like to think that he goes to kiss her and once again stops himself but this time it's only because of the face paint and we're looking in the direction of upstairs where the children are 'don't fancy having that Q&A' meaning Libi asking what happened if she appears and they have ruined it] Janis: ['she's a right cockblock' and what's meant to be a fake 😒 but we're not not lbr] Jimmy: [we're remembering when we played that game where you had to kiss without touching and reminding her about it like we could change the rules if you're up for that challenge] Janis: [nods 'cos don't trust ourselves to say ANYTHING about this idea] Jimmy: [picture this, he starts out by touching her hair OBVS because he's obsessed but then just gently pulling on her earlobe cos he would've put it in his mouth if he could've then going down her jawline and neck writing kiss or doing an ✔ depending on the surface area we have to play with using our fingertip and varying the amount of pressure depending if it would've been a hard or soft kiss and just doing that for all the skin that's available everywhere] Janis: [shan't because we can't cope and at least we can be obvious about that, these kids are busy and gotta do what we gotta do Jimmy: [gotta do what we've gotta do and we are doing the MOST on this sofa rn even though his entire family + Libi could appear any moment] Janis: [getting on top of you on this sofa even though it's a bad idea for all the above reasons, not to mention the eye contact it demands 'you're rude'] Jimmy: [but it's a good idea for the sound he would make when she did so we're unrepentant over here 'you' well done for getting the word out boy] Janis: [shaking her head and getting the most movement out of that 'you started it'] Jimmy: [pulling her even closer like yeah I did and I'm not soz] Janis: [running our finger across his neck like you should be 'Jimmy...' at least this would be quiet because we're that close but that's the only at least] Jimmy: [touching the lovebite he gave her earlier so deliberately with such intense eye contact like I am simply not though] Janis: ['takes the piss' and pouting 'cos literally vampire facepaint and she hasn't given him one yet] Jimmy: [running his thumb over that lip whilst doing his own pout because we wanna do the pouty lip bite thing SO BAD rn but we can't] Janis: [biting our lip where his thumb just was] Jimmy: [such a frustrated noise as if this wasn't his idea lol] Janis: [finally feeling like we've had a win there so we're smug] Jimmy: [tickling her like how dare you not also be dying here excuse you] Janis: [trying to pin his hands above his head like no no] Jimmy: [he's totally gonna end up pinning you to this sofa gal, just the sauciest playfight of all time happening] Janis: [we know we're breaking and we do not care, fight us Libi] Jimmy: [proud of you for lasting as long as you did tbh] Janis: [truly, have your lovebite and then some boy] Jimmy: [have to let you hook up here without anyone interrupting you or else you will both die] Janis: [have a quickie guys] Jimmy: [can't be dealing with your bad moods if you don't] Janis: [it has been days, which in your timeline is like nearly half of lmao so] Jimmy: [we all know you're extra] Janis: [gonna have to take Libi back soon gal] Jimmy: [everyone's gonna be gutted to be separated but the lads will walk you back because gentlemanly like that] Jimmy: [but for now have your tea that you're gonna have to put in the microwave because you never touched it] Janis: [my boo says HELLO] Jimmy: [also probably take your face paint off because I dread to think the state of it now] Janis: [the black face energy getting real lmao] Jimmy: [if you don't go do this together and mess about while you do by like having a water fight and only removing bits at a time so you look silly etc then I don't wanna know either of you] Janis: [obviously we must, also I think the bubbys paint should be a little smudged 'cos Libi keeps smooching him like my shameless boo] Jimmy: [so cute and I can imagine JJ just giving each other a look like 😏 because relatable] Janis: [gonna age Tess so hard gal] Jimmy: [be looking like her sim] Janis: [poor tess haha] Jimmy: [I really hope you don't actually put her through it as you're growing up hun, we've been through enough] Janis: [we do need to think about that now you exist in gen 4 kinda but like yeah, arguably we could also do bobby in the first part of the gen, ANYWAY THOUGH] Jimmy: [we could totally do some of them next if you want because we know they are gonna stay friends so] Janis: [cuteness and potential] Jimmy: [anyway is there anything else you wanna have happen before Libi goes home or no?] Janis: [we don't have to do it if you don't wanna but important to note you're obvs sleeping over right] Jimmy: [totally because I still think they should go out even if it's just to his local pub but it could also be in town out depending on the mood though I don't know how you're gonna be like DO YOU WANNA when you're yet again on this doorstep or wherever lol] Janis: [for sure, do something purely 'cos you wanna and there's no excuse or distraction] Jimmy: [exactly, because you obviously haven't yet since she got back] Janis: [or lowkey ever? you might've actually, xmas eve yeah nvm] Jimmy: [could be argued that the pub crawl was for content though whereas they literally don't need to do any more today so] Janis: [mhmm, we've slayed today, you could've gone home hun] Jimmy: [exactly and that's why this is so important but for real I don't know how he's gonna be like do you wanna not go in and come back with me yet again so there's that] Janis: [don't worry, you can probably just hook up and then be like may as well stay] Jimmy: [just throw Bobby at Cass when you get back and then you can leave] Janis: [though it might be a conversation™ 'cos she would go to leave if not immediately 'cos bit rude but early in the AM] Jimmy: [mhmm just gotta make himself too vulnerable by being like no no, hope you're at least a bit drunk guys] Janis: [sure you will be honeys, where do we wanna skip to then] Jimmy: [question is do we wanna do any of this night out and see what happens or just skip to the end? hm Janis: [always fun to do a night out, even if we skip around 'cos a lot of we know the vibe I'm sure but we can see peeps, things can happen, without it being drama central] Jimmy: [no drama please, we're trying to have a nice chill time] Janis: [exactly dr phil, and we can, there's been enough heightened emotions for a while and we've really brushed them under the rug tbh] Jimmy: [hence I'm like we should probably do this night out because when you're drunk stuff might come out] Janis: [pop off and let's ride lads] Jimmy: [the question is lads do you wanna go out out so we can really serve these lewks or stay local so you're less likely to see the world and his wife] Janis: [hmmmmm, I say go to town 'cos xmas eve you stayed local to her so go off] Jimmy: [that is true, lets go with that] Janis: [you can try and get in some of the more iconic dublin pubs and show him the sights so] Jimmy: [yeah because he wouldn't have been because he's only been here for like 2 months now and we know he's antisocial] Janis: [and you are but children, plus going out to drink on your own is depressing soz you can do lots of things alone but not that lbr] Jimmy: [literally he has done nothing since he moved here like we said before so I'm glad you have each other now] Janis: [unlikely we've done it before either 'cos age, like but we'll know where to go] Jimmy: [I vote you have to only order drinks that cliché tourists would] Janis: [really annoying cocktails they hate making etc] Jimmy: [and Guinness like you think you're doing something] Janis: [you'll be so full lol] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: 🤰 Jimmy: 👶'll be 🍀💚🎩🌈 as fuck Janis: if it makes it Janis: 🥴 Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 as you, obvs Janis: n'awh Janis: you 👍? Jimmy: I am now you've broke that news Jimmy: 😁 Janis: we're all buzzing Janis: reason to celebrate never needed when you're 🍀💚🎩🌈 but Jimmy: @iantaylor8 🏆 for most chuffed of all about the 🍀💚🎩🌈 bit Jimmy: 🍾🍻 Janis: not yours, basically white Janis: his round then? 😁 Jimmy: we'd need more luck than that to get him to 💰 owt now that 🎄 is done with Jimmy: have to kill and rob him Jimmy: but as far as celebrations go, wouldn't be 👎 Janis: let's come up with plan #2 Janis: we can handle it Jimmy: how does the 👶 wanna do it? all about them now Janis: car bomb, obviously Jimmy: nod to its real dad Janis: pretty sure we did a big 💣 in manchester so ian will be #triggered Jimmy: just keep giving me more and more top news today, you Janis: kind of mate I am Janis: anything to see you 😁 Jimmy: [doing it IRL of course] Janis: [when he still looks good fuming tbh, squishing his face like ugh] Jimmy: [making it into a kissy face like you love me really] Janis: [pushing him away by his face but not as aggressive as that sounds and standing up to get more drinks in as Ian isn't gonna show] Jimmy: [pulls her back not as aggressive as that sounds either lol even though we know she's only leaving to get more drinks] Janis: ['oi!' and a look like whaaaaaa but it's a LOOK] Jimmy: [all the eye contact as he stands up and sit her down in his seat like no no not in your condition I will go] Jimmy: [*** unrelated to what we're doing now but I had an idea that earlier like when Bobby and Libi were doing their goodbyes cos don't need him to translate that Jimothy signed pub? at the bae in irish sign language because he doesn't know much yet and isn't trying hard to learn because he thinks they're gonna leave but he'd have learnt that as a pisstake anyway just wanted to put this here so I didn't forget that lil nugget of info my brain thought up at like 3am***] Janis: [love that for you boy, noted] Janis: [🙄 but loling like alright, if you wanna pay fine by me boy] Jimmy: [signing 'stay' from the bar because I feel like the bubs would've been doing that at Twix and Killer today so we can pretend that's purely pisstakey and no deeper] Janis: [🤨 but in a sassy manner] Janis: coming for my gig now? Jimmy: can't be taking 💰 off you that's 🍼 out the 👶's mouth Janis: you ain't gonna pay for it? Janis: rude Jimmy: OBVS, but I don't reckon 💀👑'll hear and crack on FINALLY 💰 me tips Janis: 💡 Janis: sleep with her dad, tell him it's his Janis: live off that hush 💰 Jimmy: more 🥇💡 DON'T but 🗨 you did after you've put something in his drink/ let him be a massive pisshead on it 'cause you understand him unlike his missus Jimmy: all we've faked up to now, DNA test'd be piss easy Janis: just have to snatch a bit of 💀👑's hair Janis: not hard Janis: saliva and we'd be fucked, dunno if she produces that any more Jimmy: have to hurry while she's still got hair Janis: bet #2 has some Jimmy: go round hers in a bit, can't wait, me Jimmy: 💭 if we found out 💀👑 weren't his Jimmy: they'd both be SO 💔🎻😭 to have to dump each other Janis: I wish Janis: only my family giving that level of drama Jimmy: 💔 you can't use 😭 to do a test, I'd have got Ian to crack on ages ago Janis: whoever's your dad is also Bobby's, that's for sure Jimmy: probably is him then, he ain't the sort to let his missus have bloke mates hanging round that long Janis: soz, mate Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: be a 🥇 looking 👶 at least Jimmy: all our shit parents got that bit right Janis: guess so Janis: tah for the genetics, I'll take it from here Jimmy: [bring those drinks boy and obvs get her up so you can sit back down in your seat and she can sit on you] Janis: [forever and always even though the eye contact it demands is cray, just smiling and drinking our drink] Jimmy: [likewise but also just doodling on her skin absentmindedly because we're in love and probably a bit drunk by now assumedly] Janis: ['you could do that for a job' we mean tattooist but that isn't very clear gal so we must be a lil tipsy] Jimmy: [shoutout to your future child, love that but obvs he's like ? and draws it on her] Janis: [just like ugh at ourselves 'tattoos and shit, you know' shrugs 'you got a plan?'] Jimmy: [just shrugging because we haven't let ourselves think about the future for so many reasons 'do you?'] Janis: ['nah' shakes head 'but I'll get by, don't need more, like'] Jimmy: [nodding because we get it and doing a cheers with this drink] Janis: [drink to that lads 'if anything, easier to walk dogs when I've got a car'] Jimmy: ['any time you wanna borrow Ian's, crack on' we're just thinking that he's too happy and settled rn and we need to annoy him more lol] Janis: [😏 and cheersing again like tah] Jimmy: number of 🐕s, should probably nick a 🚍 instead though Janis: can do that too Jimmy: can 😴 there an' all if you need to Jimmy: stretch out Janis: living in one seems like something my ma'd do though Janis: ❌ Jimmy: bet your shit nan's church group'd have their 👀 on it Janis: [visibly 😒] Janis: goes without saying Jimmy: [a lil feelsy lean like soz because we know she sucks even if we don't know what happened] Janis: [using it to push him off in a jokey get off kinda way, like you ain't sat on him rn] Jimmy: [messing about like you're both gonna dramatically fall off this chair but then lowkey hurting himself a lil bit though we're obvs playing that off as fake too but it's real because yet again we've had a very busy day and done so much as if we're perfectly fine] Janis: [picking him back up and steadying him like you okay boy? and nudging his drink towards his lips like that'll help] Jimmy: [down that drink boy] Janis: [just lowkey having a feel of his stomach/ribs etc like you gotta check] Jimmy: [😏 cos we're pretending she's doing it to flirt with us obvs like she just can't keep her hands to herself ever which is true but also shh sir] Janis: [going with it 'cos not not true and we know it makes him awks but we still wanna] Jimmy: [kissing her because we always just want to] Janis: [have this makeout sesh whilst giving him a massage casually] Jimmy: [excuse us people in this pub] Janis: [looks dodgier than it is frankly] Jimmy: [love how shameless you both are and how often you just behave like you're the only two people around] Janis: [we're so unbothered by other people unless they're really in our faces about it] Jimmy: [mhmm hence we're just saying we missed her and how much in between kisses because we have and we're obvs so into everything she's doing rn] Janis: ['did you?' 'cos 'course we don't believe him/it] Jimmy: [stop kissing her for long enough you can hold that eye contact so she knows you mean it but then kiss her more intensely obvs] Janis: [going in even harder 'cos definition of !!! about it] Jimmy: [have a moment because it's deserved and needed and it'll shut him up from saying any more for a sec] Janis: [saying nothing in this pub but people should do something/be staring or say something so we can move huuuuuuuun] Jimmy: [that's realistic so yes] Janis: [we going about this town] Jimmy: [twirl her like you would've done when you were at this kid's party earlier please boy] Janis: [dance down these streets but don't fall tah] Jimmy: [and don't knock into anyone either because we don't need that drama] Janis: [no fighting shakira shakira] Jimmy: [not tonight thank you] Janis: [we gotta get drunk and spill secrets] Jimmy: [confess as many feelings as we dare] Janis: [heheheh, getting shots in that vein] Jimmy: [good idea boo] Janis: 🥃🥃🥃 Jimmy: 🥳🥳🥳 Janis: partying for 2 Jimmy: remind me to @ Asia 7 years from now to let her know how to throw a 🎁🎂🎈 that ain't all 💅💄 Janis: you ain't bad at face painting Janis: can have that Jimmy: tah very much Jimmy: be alright as long as Libi don't have me doing it whenever I see her Jimmy: be a bit weird if I have to carry a full face painting kit about Janis: you don't need to be that whipped Janis: won't hurt her to hear a nah every once and a while Jimmy: no need to be jealous, Jules Jimmy: you're still my muse Janis: piss off Jimmy: I'll 🥺🥺 for 2 if you make me Janis: go ahead Jimmy: [does] Janis: [regret 'cos we feeling all the things now] Jimmy: [carve that JJ love heart into the pub table like see you're my muse and ILY] Janis: [just tracing our finger round and round this heart] Jimmy: [literally is about to draw a heart on her and I'm like boy stop] Janis: ['your ex really cheat on you?' like why would he lie, but can't believe it] Jimmy: ['what kind of question is that?' because genuinely not something he expected her to ask rn] Janis: [a shrug like soz 'just what I was thinking about'] Jimmy: [a nudge but a gentle one 'what you thinking about her for?' sir she's thinking about you] Janis: [tuts like ugh, making me explain myself, how rude lol 'are you a shit real boyfriend or what?' like why would she if you were how you're faking now] Jimmy: [a shrug like 1. probably because the messy time after his mum disappeared 2. they were young af and neither of them had good role models clearly but we don't wanna really get into either of those things 'depends on the scale' like compared to who hun because lbr not an Ian or Mia's dad but we weren't #goals] Janis: [nods like we get it 'cos we do even though not personally like that might suggest, the shakes her head like let's move on 'cos accidentally brought the vibe down and we didn't mean to 'whatever, none of my business'] Jimmy: [leaves the ex's @ in this chat whatever it is like @ her for her POV if you like but irl we're shrugging again because we're so over her just not the mum mems of that era] Janis: 🤐 Janis: [dranking this drank faster] Jimmy: [nudges her like hey it's alright] Jimmy: *🔊 Janis: [😏 'not there yet' like let's go back to bants] Jimmy: where are you then? Janis: 🥺 of course Janis: you're quite inspiring too Jimmy: show me Janis: [😳 and can't do it back 'cos now we've got the giggles like stop it] Janis: can't just 👏 like Jimmy: [we're just 😍 af because she's adorable bye] Jimmy: alright, if there's no 👏 have to take back that 🌹 and your 🏆s Jimmy: go together them Janis: well now I'm 😠 Janis: [does that instead] Jimmy: [does a 📷 mime and then wordlessly goes to get her some kind of forfeit drink for not being oscar worthy af] Janis: [doing it now he's further away 'cos easier] Jimmy: you're rude, said it earlier Janis: you Jimmy: you Janis: [points] Jimmy: [signs it which I lowkey do think is just a point but anyway] Janis: 👆 Janis: the point emojis are crap Jimmy: 💔 Janis: looks more come here Janis: which don't not work rn but Jimmy: but do come here Janis: [making our way over, of course] Jimmy: [checking her out as she does obvs and when she does get there gesturing like get this barman's attention please because it's busy but she's a hot girl so she'll have more luck] Janis: [do the least to do the most such is your privilege babe] Jimmy: [kiss her like thank you because we weren't trying to stand there all night] Janis: [the barman like aw lmao] Jimmy: #👻problems Janis: #🍆problems Jimmy: fuming if it's a not a lass serving next Janis: fuming if it is, obvs Jimmy: if you're 😠 again, I'll be back at chuffed to bits Jimmy: so cute Janis: [fake punches him] Jimmy: [writes hate across her knuckles because I am not letting you write love boy stop it] Janis: [takes off the e by pretending to cut off the pinky] Jimmy: [😏 and draws the 🎩 on the back of her hand for that irish af vibe] Janis: [writes 'pot' on the other hand like there you go, pot of gold too] Jimmy: [draw a 🌈 on that one and 💰] Janis: [lols like lovely 'told you you had a future in it'] Jimmy: [just shaking his head because we can't take a compliment] Jimmy: you gonna name this 👶 something I can't pronounce or what? Janis: [raising our brows sassily like not hard] Janis: you can name it Janis: guilt trip move Jimmy: 🤔🤔💭 Jimmy: What's Mia's daddy's name? Jimmy: got a lie to sell here Janis: 🤔 Janis: maybe Michael or something, idk Janis: Miles Jimmy: Miley he'll love that Janis: meet your new sister Mia Jimmy: sister and step mum Janis: not even weird for me Jimmy: Libi must've missed that bit when she were doing the family tree Janis: thank fuck Janis: only so much you need to hear Jimmy: what were it you said about my ages old 💔? Jimmy: nowt to do with me, that Janis: nor me Jimmy: I told you before, up to you what you wanna 🗨 Janis: you pick Jimmy: your full list's all I want Janis: [a LOOK] Jimmy: [one back always] Jimmy: you owe me the one Janis: true Janis: remind me what I've said Jimmy: 1. 🚬👃 2. 🎤🗨 3. 💋 4. 🖕✌️🤟 is a might be, you never said it were or weren't for definite 5. 🤝 6. 💫 dunno what else to do for freckles so Janis: [impressed he remembered 'cos obviously did not just look through like my boo just had to lol] Janis: don't wanna repeat, wouldn't be fair Jimmy: [when it's really important to you because you literally told her in that convo that nobody has ever been this nice to you and it's obvs true] Jimmy: so go on Janis: it's unfair you took 👀s Janis: when yours are like ☀️ Janis: but I like your brows too Jimmy: you're ☀ Jimmy: and you know I'm fuming you took 💋 an' all Jimmy: but we've both got smell on there so I'm not gonna stop you rating what you rate Janis: take it as a whole Janis: you have pretty lashes too Janis: it's Jimmy: that'll get out of hand when I just say your entire face Jimmy: or your whole body Janis: everything about you Jimmy: that an' all Janis: [and I oop, just like our drink looks so interesting rn because dying] Jimmy: [a soft 'hey' because of course like 👀 at me] Janis: [you gotta look up gal 'yeah?' also soft] Jimmy: [gestures at her to come here like you literally didn't just get kicked out of a pub for this] Janis: [do though who are we] Jimmy: [we're softly but insistently kissing the bae's throat like we can coax words out cos so much we wanna say and so much we wanna hear] Janis: [the noise we are making, running our hands through his hair goes to gripping it 'you're not-' 'I'm supposed-' can we finish a sentence? no] Jimmy: [just doing it again like do you wanna finish a sentence gal and not at all because of her other reaction of course not] Janis: ['stop it' but in the most don't stop tone imaginable 'cos at least that's a sentence] Jimmy: [we're not but we are smooching the side of her neck instead] Janis: ['coming for my gig again' and moving to the side so you've gotta smooch for reals] Jimmy: [have a lil make out lads] Janis: [again lollol] Jimmy: [can't and won't be tamed, we're doing what we want tonight] Janis: [speaking of, you should get some good scran, idk what but I'm sure there's some bomb takeout vibes] Jimmy: [definitely, I doubt there was much savoury food at that party] Janis: [you can walk n eat n mayhaps talk hmm] Jimmy: [and snuggle because it's probably cold] Janis: [even if it's stopped snowing, deffo] Jimmy: [obvs just nudging her as you go along like you alright? because this boy loves checking in] Janis: [nudges him back like aren't you?] Jimmy: [smiling because we're having a lovely time] Janis: [😍 'good'] Jimmy: [😍 and doing the handhold swingy thing as we walk] Janis: ['you're alright, you know, not boring' just sounds like you thought he was but we mean in comparison to other peeps] Jimmy: ['when did you reckon I were boring? but we're amused 'bit rude'] Janis: [a face like oi but also amused 'no, I just didn't know you weren't before'] Jimmy: ['I knew you weren't' which makes you sound like a stalker or something lol but we're too drunk to think that through clearly] Janis: ['no you didn't' not just to be contrary we're just like lies lmao] Jimmy: [his own oi face 'wouldn't have picked you if I didn't' because true] Janis: [just narrowing our eyes like suspish but okay 'well I knew you didn't chat shit constantly, or try hard like most lads do' shrugs like bitch I noticed you too] Jimmy: [🤐 mime like well yeah I don't say anything and shrugging back 'no need' because he doesn't feel like he has anything to brag about genuinely and obvs we don't have any reason to try hard for the people we don't care about] Janis: [just gesturing like yes, my point exactly 'don't stop 'em, does it'] Jimmy: [gets out the phone we've literally not looked at all night, frowns at it and puts it back without actually bothering to do anything except make a point 'the lasses either, but that's not the kind of dickheads we are'] Janis: [shakes her head like no we are not and puts her hand out for him to shake] Jimmy: [does and then does pull her in for a hug because always 'chuffed it were you' from within this hug] Janis: ['we've done a good job' also from within the hug] Jimmy: [shaking his head because we don't wanna call it a job when literally you always do sir and also that now looks like you don't think this is going well] Janis: [looking at him when you pull back like ? because how it looks] Jimmy: ['not just a shift I'm putting in, you'] Janis: ['I dunno why I had a go about that' just like how cringe of me to show I gave a shit ugh] Jimmy: ['don't you?' and a shrug 'alright then' like oh are we just pretending we don't give a shit tonight okay cos we're sassy] Janis: [little lol 'don't take the piss' 'you know what I mean. meant. whatever'] Jimmy: ['don't sound like me that' 😏 because she literally said he's not a dickhead but he takes the piss] Janis: [getting SO close and making him stop walking so you can whisper in his ear 'it sounds exactly like you' and nipping his earlobe when you say 'sounds'] Jimmy: [saying 'fuck' with SO much feeling how they do] Janis: [nods like that's what I want to and looks around like we picked the wrong location lol] Jimmy: [looks in the direction they'd have to go to retrace their steps like if you wanna go we can go because Ian's stash forever] Janis: [follows his gaze like we could but eventually shakes her head 'we've got time, more places you need to see first if you wanna be a proper tourist'] Jimmy: [nods because 🥇 or nowt is the mantra but we're kissing her really hard first so she knows we're not just chill and we feel the tension and want the same things] Janis: [have your moment and take one before the next location] Jimmy: [for once I doubt you're the only peeps being extra at least such are the joys of town] Janis: [people always cracking on you're fine, even if you cared, which we are far beyond] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [full drunk by now, never mind all our feels] Jimmy: [they should go somewhere they can do some grooving because not something they've done a lot of because of her ankle happening] Janis: [good thinking boo, hit the clerb, whole different vibe] Jimmy: [how cinematic when juxtaposed against the dancing at the kids party earlier lol] Janis: [day and night honey] Jimmy: [another good excuse for more shots because you can't dance and hold a big drink] Janis: [ooh, maybe Harry could be there Janis: we can just see and ignore him but intro that 'cos haven't yey] Jimmy: [I just nearly gasped because yes we do need to do that before all the sports stuff starts and she runs into him in a way she can't swerve] Janis: [it seems legit you could be out with your mates boy, you could be a bit older/look it too, it's believable you ain't the gals, maybe if she's getting drinks or Jimmy is he can come up but it'll look like just another random tryna hit her up] Jimmy: [that seems legit to me too] Janis: [but obviously it'd put her in some type of mood] Jimmy: [might also open a line of dialogue though so] Janis: [mhmm] Jimmy: [what way round do you wanna do it because obvs if he goes to get drinks and comes back to find them talking or whatever he'll be like bitch excuse me but if she was getting drinks and runs into him that way he won't even see Harry/know about that interaction] Janis: [maybe he goes to get them, it makes it easier, even if Harry literally walks away as he comes back 'cos that kind of snekk, he'd still see but they always getting hit on so he wouldn't assume that was responsible and be like oh I get it, yknow] Jimmy: [he'll just be like 🤨 looking him over as Harry walks away but yeah not concerned and more jokey because it does happen always and he knows she can handle it] Janis: [just 😒 watching him go] Jimmy: [handing her these shots because we just think like we said he's a stranger and she'll be over it in a sec] Janis: [down it with vigour hun] Jimmy: [likewise because that's just how shots are, you gotta go in] Janis: [ick] Jimmy: [have never enjoyed a single one I've ever had but they are not J potato] Janis: [who is babe, go get your groove on aggressively] Jimmy: [hope it's not a slow jam and I especially hope Harry is not also hitting the dancefloor with some gal] Janis: [oh lawd, we're not doing that cliche of catching eyes dancing with other people boy, I think not] Jimmy: [you think you're that important Harold but you're honestly not] Janis: [accidentally making him think you're that into him, nah] Jimmy: [but anyway I shall start a convo when we've been dancing for an age and you're clearly still 😒 hun] Jimmy: What? Janis: what do you mean what? Jimmy: what's wrong? Janis: what do you reckon makes clubs smell so bad Janis: apart from all the sweat, that's obvious Jimmy: answer me, dickhead Janis: I'm alright, seriously Jimmy: bollocks Janis: ugh Janis: it's nothing though Jimmy: *something Jimmy: you wanna go outside? Janis: [mimes 🚬] Janis: sure Jimmy: [taking her hand like let's go] Janis: [smoking area moment, not like you'll be alone they're always packed] Jimmy: [lighting you both up and giving her a sec] Janis: ['just know that lad' shrugging like that explains that] Jimmy: ['and what?' because we're not letting it just drop] Janis: [after a while thinking and stopping and starting 'and- everyone else is a dickhead, yeah'] Jimmy: how much of a dickhead is he? Janis: no more than average, I suppose Janis: 💪🍆🔥👑 Janis: you know the sort Jimmy: yeah, what I dunno is why you're so bothered Janis: just didn't fancy seeing anyone I knew out Jimmy: you barely did do Janis: then let's go somewhere else after this Janis: forget about it Janis: [smiling at him like it's not fake but we're forcing this vibe rn] Jimmy: can you? Janis: yeah Jimmy: alright Janis: sorry Janis: he's just some twat Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: it's alright Janis: its not Janis: we're having a nice time Janis: meant to be Jimmy: I meant, he's doing your head in, you're not doing in mine Jimmy: we're alright Jimmy: nice is a bit rude though, as descriptions go Janis: [a LOOK up like 😏] Janis: how'd you describe it then Jimmy: not like we're sat in having a ☕🍪 with our kid and his missus Jimmy: but if you need a review then Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: that'd be it Janis: are you saying that's the definition of nice or a better time Janis: either way I have some questions Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Jimmy: it's obvs the definition of nice 👵👴💕 Janis: [shakes head as we get up like oh you 'leave you to it then'] Jimmy: [not letting you go gal putting his arms around her like no no 'Oi, I just gave you a top review, what more do you want?'] Janis: ['can always do better' and taking his hand like let's go, stay outta our way Hazza we got places to be] Jimmy: ['than you rating me boring and nice, yeah' but we're amused of course and doing another twirl as we go] Janis: ['I did not!' and a pouty face like how dare YOU suggest I did] Jimmy: [thank god we can do the pouty lip thing this time and nothing can stop us] Janis: [freedom] Jimmy: [You're welcome lads] Janis: [y'all can do what you want like going to the toilets and living that cliche moment] Jimmy: [not the first time, we all remember pub crawl, but it would be busier so pluses and minuses to that] Janis: [we gotta for a myriad of reasons still not about you though Harry but you've put us in a mood to prove some things so tah] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [get out of this clerb and into a different one, better or worse, idk what's more fun tbh] Jimmy: [again it's not about you Harold] Janis: [soz we have such a dramatic reaction to seeing you lmao like hell to the no] Jimmy: [it's deserved you're not a good egg] Janis: [we'd be more chill if we weren't drunk, like he's just gonna come over and ruin everything, he might try tbf, run lads and continue grooving] Jimmy: [we're on a touristy tour here sir gotta move along] Janis: [you are not invited good day, back on the shots shots shots] Jimmy: [don't at all look forward to seeing you soon hun] Janis: [at least we're not doing the grace of it all now, although, continuously triggering everyone 'cos that's what they think Liam did with Edie to be around Rio, which yeah at first but shh] Jimmy: [the temptation to do that again now you've said that lol] Janis: [yeah, it came to me as I typed it lol] Jimmy: [fuck it let's do it, we can totally make him her baby daddy for that hot sec to really trigger everyone haha] Janis: [no offence to your barrenness but THANK GOD don't actually need babies from lies] Jimmy: [I can't do that to you gal even if we could] Janis: [would not be cute, he'd be tryna pay for your abortion like] Jimmy: [it's so far from #goals as is nobody needs that] Janis: [it's even worse than drew and caleb soz my love but no, hence ali had to be like no no in that convo we did when we did it before] Jimmy: [but what if that's when she gets her nose ring because it's like a Cameron trying to get Nicki to wear Chloe's lipstick situation!] Janis: [🤢 OMG, you can use all the really tryhard stuff of late, like, we know you would babe] Jimmy: [Sammi's moment of trying to be black will actually be useful to me, who knew] Janis: [just thinking about the wurls wig and dying 'cos it looked so bad oh gal] Jimmy: [HARD SAME] Janis: [and I oop, we're gonna lose our mind with you] Jimmy: [the drama] Janis: [oh lord] Jimmy: [anyways back to this, do you wanna do a skip or have you got things you wanna have happen rn off the back of this Harry situation?] Janis: [we can probably skip to going home even? we know how the nights gonna go and it'll be fun and feelsy but that's the STAY of it all] Jimmy: [true I just didn't wanna rush you gal if you had stuff you wanted to say or do before that so] Janis: [nah we good I just wanted to establish him so when he crops back up later we've got this vague memory like oh] Jimmy: [it was a good way to do it boo, good thinking] Janis: [big brain booty] Janis: [where would you like to hook up/where are you then gonna try to leave from] Jimmy: [do you wanna be at his gaff or are you thinking before they get there?] Janis: [his makes sense for going to mcvickers after] Jimmy: [be having a nightcap and all the sauciness that entails but then try and leave gal] Janis: [like gotta go before anyone wakes, sure you're being well loud tbh lads but okay] Jimmy: [as excuses go a very legit one and also the bubs do wake up well early like what time even is it] Janis: [but also who cares you've been on a minibreak together] Jimmy: [literally] Janis: [baby its cold outside Jimmy: [what's your vibe like is she gonna say anything or is she just casually getting ready to leave?] Janis: [I think just getting ready when she thinks he's passed out but we're drunk so we're clearly not making a good go of doing it stealth here lol] Jimmy: [obvs gonna chuck something at her then like excuse you] Janis: [#shooketh and thus doing angry whispers 'what was that for dickhead?!'] Jimmy: ['where you going?' as if that's not obvious because we're drunk so it's not] Janis: [dramatically shushing him which in itself is louder than you're being already probs 'trying not to wake anybody up here'] Jimmy: [a sarcastic but amused 👍 because that's going well and then repeating our question] Janis: [throwing whatever he threw at us back like don't be fucking rude 'home' which you gotta stop saying when you mean mcvickers 'cos sounds like you planning to trek] Jimmy: [catching it and being really proud of ourselves with our expression but then frowning because we do think she means she's going home 'you're not, there's no buses for ages' because again what weird am is this lol] Janis: [😏 and a sassy fake clap for him 'Oh, I mean my nans' like my bad 'before he's getting up for work or...whatever'] Jimmy: [dramatically shushing her for the clap like she did to him a sec ago 'it's the weekend' because it is 'only dickheads like us do Sundays'] Janis: ['oh' when you genuinely forgot but now it seems like you lyin' lmao] Jimmy: [when you get up v dramatically to be up in her grill like 👀 cos are you lying gal but when we're standing there we just get distracted by like moving her hair out of her face and fixing her clothes and generally being soft and close and helpful] Janis: ['you-' and then getting distracted by his lack of clothing for a sec like oh '-you don't have to be nice, you know'] Jimmy: ['stop calling me nice, dickhead' but softer than the words suggest and not just because we are this close and whispering] Janis: ['stop being nice then' in a challenge type of way] Jimmy: [push her back onto this bed boy but in a hot way not a dangerous one] Janis: [definition of that 😈 tbh] Jimmy: [whatever she's managed to put on he's taking off, RIP to this dress or whatever if you don't survive] Janis: [running our fingers through his hair again for the throwback to earlier 'you're SO nice, baby'] Jimmy: [giving her a massive lovebite near to wherever he did that first one way earlier and going as hard for that throwback as well because we're 😈 ] Janis: [when you're egging him on telling him how nice he is over and over but then you do the biggest gasp] Jimmy: [going over the OG one as well because it's right there tempting us 'I'll do whatever you want for as long as you're here, nice, not nice, owt else' like don't go gal] Janis: [just about getting out 'but what do you want?'] Jimmy: ['you' because true and we're drunk so we can answer a question 'I keep saying I don't want you to go anywhere' because he literally said it on the school trip in those words when they were doing an activity and having a little domestic and god knows how many times we've either said it or tried to make it clear since] Janis: ['me...' which we ALMOST phrase as a question, such is our disbelief/how much we've been caught off guard by that despite how obvious it is to us all but it's okay catch up gal 'and I keep saying you can have me' because we have and we mean it] Jimmy: ['you say it but then you- look and gesture towards the door like you were literally trying to leave and you know we're thinking about when she properly left] Janis: ['I never wanna stay if you want me to leave' a pause like I know that doesn't sound like it makes sense now you've said that but 'because I wanna be with you a lot...like all the fucking time and-'] Jimmy: ['I don't want either of us to leave' the tea and also how sad and soft his voice would be about that because we think it's looming over us 'if I had any fucking choice, I'd pick this, just give me the same back'] Janis: [kissing him hard, but not JUST kissing him like we usually would when we can't say what we want/don't know what to say 'okay' just as sad but serious like this ain't no game 'I'm scared but okay'] Jimmy: [holding her but not JUST how he would when he doesn't want her to go 'it's alright, when you're about, I'm not' like you can be scared gal cos I feel safe with you and it's the only time I ever do so I've got this] Janis: ['that's why I am' from deep inside this hug like we barely saying it but we are] Jimmy: ['bit of pressure, I get it' because we know we're saying there that everything else is shit and you're the only good thing keeping us going and that's a lot] Janis: [shaking our head 'I mean-' big sigh 'cos even if we're drunk it's a lot to say '-the more amazing it is now, the more there's going to be to miss'] Jimmy: ['there were loads to miss ages ago' because lbr the moment you started this you were in too deep and deeper than you've been with anyone else 'it weren't like owt else I've felt kissing any other lass soon as we had that first go at it' drunkenly spilling that tea] Janis: ['Ive never felt anything before' 'cos likewise] Jimmy: ['alright, no need to one up me that hard' cos you don't believe that's even possible lowkey when she clearly feels so much with you] Janis: [soft nudge 'I can't help the truth'] Jimmy: [one back obvs 'as competitions go, not fuming to lose this one'] Janis: ['I have kissed other people' like don't think he thought you were saying that but okay] Jimmy: [a sound like yeah obvs/no shit because we weren't thinking that 'but they were shitter at it than whatever review of me you're gonna @ my ex for, I get it' because not letting go that she brought that up but we're not mad about it still just amused] Janis: ['must be' shrugs 'knock to the ego can't hurt' not gonna go drunk text him the shade though tah 'was not, I was just asking a question' like stop it but we're not mad really] Jimmy: ['I don't care about how them dickheads feel, her included, just you'] Janis: [smile 'I can get behind that'] Jimmy: [smile back 😍] Janis: ['you're the cutest person I've ever seen' and putting our fingers in his dimples like oop] Jimmy: [a lil lol which we can't help even as we shake our head because no gal you are 'need to look in the mirror more, you'] Jimmy: [lowkey trying to drag her to where the nearest mirror is like is that even this room or are you trying to go to the bathroom? boy shh] Janis: [don't actually wake this bub you're lowkey too drunk to deal with him boy, 'cos we're so amused and playfighting him as silently as we can like noooo 'you you you'] Jimmy: [thank god we made him deaf because Libi would 1000% be awake by now lol, just drunkenly taking so many pictures of her face and so many weird close ups as we playfight and showing her them all like no look it's you] Janis: [just a fight to delete them as if 1. you look bad in any really 2. he's just gonna post them all rn] Jimmy: [we know you just wanna fight so he can pin you again for that saucy throwback] Janis: [obvs, we do not need to deny] Jimmy: [we'll let you have that moment and ensuing hook up during which you can call her baby in a way that is not at all a pisstake for the first time because we're drunk and feelsy enough for this] Janis: [just die bye, safe to say you won't be trying to go anywhere after that] Jimmy: [you gotta snuggle and snooze and be happy]

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bittysvalentines · 6 years ago

Text

Secret Admirers are for Chumps

From: @secretgeniusshittyknight

To: @wlwboomboom

“Oh, those are fancy. Tiger lilies?” Holster asked, popping his head into Ransom’s cubicle.

“Yeah. They’re my-”

“Favorite,” they said in unison.

“Jinx,” Holster said with a wink. “Who are they from?”

Ransom looked at the small card tucked into the bouquet of flowers. “It doesn’t say. Just says, ‘You are a wonderful person whose smile brightens my day.’ Nothing else.”

Holster reached over and tousled Ransom’s hair, not that it did anything; the tightly coiled curls were cropped too close to his scalp. “Sounds like someone has a secret admirer. That’s cute.”

Ransom shrugged. “If you say so. I hope they don’t like expect me to just date them because they sent me gifts.”

A flash of an indecipherable emotion washed across Holster’s face, but it vanished in an instant. And without another word, Holster left Ransom’s cubicle and went back to work.

For the rest of the day, Ransom tried to put the flowers out of his mind. Yet, his thoughts kept drifting back to his mysterious admirer.

***

“These are fucking fantastic. Oh my God, Holtz. You have to try one!” Ransom didn’t give Holster a chance to object before he snatched a truffle from the box and held it to Holster’s mouth. And if his fingers happened to brush Holster’s lips, well whoops. “Best damn chocolates I’ve ever had.”

Holster mumbled in appreciation, his mouth full of confection. “Mmhmm.” After a beat of silence wherein both of them finished chewing, he spoke, “Do these have a card too?”

Ransom nodded, handing the card over. This time, instead of a small note, there was a crudely drawn handmade card with a slice of pizza on it.

“‘You have a pizza my heart.’ That’s adorable.”

“Check the inside. There’s more.”

Holster read, “You deserve the world, but no one in the world deserves you, not even me. You are one of a kind.’ Well, that’s...something.”

Ransom rubbed the back of his neck. “Whoever they are, they have good taste and seem to know me well.”

Nodding as though deep in thought, Holster chuckled, “You think it’s someone at the office? What if it’s Agnes on the fifth floor?”

Ransom gave him a playful smack in the arm. “Agnes is like my grandmother. Calls me the grandson she never had. Not only do I doubt she thinks of me that way, but I pray she doesn’t.”

***

“Okay,” Ransom said, dropping a box on the kitchen table when he got home. It hit with a thud and made Holster, Shitty, and Lardo look over at him from what looked to be an intense game of Mario Kart. “This is getting ridiculous. First, it was flowers, then chocolates, then a six-pack of that limited edition porter from All Ahead Full. You know the one…”

“Iceberg?” Shitty said.

“No the other one.”

“Ah, Hard to Port,” Lardo chimed in.

“Yes, That’s the one. And let me tell you, it’s fucking amazing. Please, do yourselves a favor and try one.”

Holster stretched his arms high above his head with a yawn, making his shirt ride up. Ransom absolutely did not stare. Nope. He didn’t even glance in that direction. “But wasn’t it like fifty dollars a six pack? I remember we asked about it when they announced it.”

“I know right? These gifts are getting extravagant. It’s almost like they’re trying to buy my affection.”

Holster sank down into the cushions of the couch. “Maybe they wanted to get you nice things? But you’re right, probably trying to buy your love.”

Was that a hint of bitterness? Ransom was about to ask, but he noticed the television out of the corner of his eye just in time to see Holster’s race rank drop from first to seventh as a blue turtle shell crashed into him. Lardo...was ruthless when it came to Mario Kart. “It’s been a week and a half. Flowers, chocolates, movie tickets, beer, and so on. I have no idea who this is, but it’s getting to be a bit much.”

“Yeah,” Holster mumbled, then cackled as he got retribution on Lardo’s blue shell by rocketing across the finish line just ahead of her. “Ha! That’s what I call karma!”

“Incidentally, what’s in the box?” Shitty popped the cap of one of the aforementioned bottles of porter.

“Oh, it’s...a Bruins t-shirt. A Bobby Orr shirt. In the correct size mind you. I didn’t think people at work listened when I talked about hockey. Hey Holtzy,” he said without looking as he pulled the shirt out of the box, “can you remember who it was I was telling about my favorite team? Was it Mark or was it Daphne?”

“Uh yeah, I think Holster went to take a piss or...something.” Shitty stroked his mustache, looking suspiciously like a supervillain when he did so.

***

To his surprise, the next day’s gift from his secret admirer was far less extravagant than he was suspecting, just lunch from Jimmy John’s. His usual order. It was starting to look more and more like Daphne from two rows of cubicles over was his secret admirer. She’d joined a bunch of them on a lunch outing more than once. Unfortunately, there was no card this time.

As annoyed as he was that someone in his office had this much of a crush on him that they would spend so much money on gifts for him, he was also quite curious, a fact which he mentioned to Holster, Shitty, and Lardo over dinner that night. “I think it could be Daphne. I should talk to her tomorrow.”

“I think,” Holster said with an entirely too full mouth, “that is a terrible idea.”

“Why? I know I talked about hockey with her, she would know what I ordered on my sandwich. She’s gone to happy hour at All Ahead Full, so...like she would know these things I like. I’m going to ask her.”

Holster didn’t elaborate on why he thought it was a bad idea to simply ask Daphne upfront if she was his secret admirer. Perhaps after Ransom had relayed all his evidence, Holster agreed with him. However, he remained strangely quiet for the rest of the night.

***

“Well, as it turns out… Daphne is a lesbian. She thought it was adorable though that I was convinced- Wait, where’s Holster?”

Lardo gestured to the bathroom, “Shower.”

“I thought we were supposed to have a movie night.” Ransom rubbed his forehead. “No, wait. That was tomorrow.”

“So,” she said, looking over at him, “what’d’ya get today?”

He shook the Mason jar of pistachios at her, pink and red glitter flaking off and falling to the ground as he did so. “Whoever they are is apparently, and I am quoting verbatim, ‘Nuts about me’. I don’t particularly care for pistachios, but it’s a cute idea. I guess.”

“Ransom,” Lardo walked over and put her hand on his shoulder, “you were uncomfortable when they were fancier gifts of things you liked, and you are annoyed when it’s homemade gifts of things you don’t like. That…”

“Sounds spoiled. I know. It’s more that I just want to know who it is. It’s unnerving… starting to feel like a stalker. That’s all.”

She hummed in contemplation. “You want to know what I think?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

“I think… you already know who it is.”

“I knew it! It is Mark. So how do I tell the guy I am not interested in him? He’s...I don’t know...utterly boring. Nice, but boring and should have told me all this to my face. Dunno, it’s becoming kind of creepy if you ask me.”

Lardo rolled her eyes, “Real insightful there, bro. Is it creepy, or are you just annoyed that they’re not coming from the person you really want to send you gifts?”

“Wait-” he called to her retreating back. “What was that supposed to mean?”

***

Three more days of increasingly simple gifts before Ransom came into work to find only a pink envelope decorated in that same pink and red glitter as the jar of pistachios, the homemade snowglobe, and pizza card on his desk. Inside was a machine printed note that said, ‘ Sorry. I’ll stop. Didn’t mean to freak you out. I tried to tell you in person, but I chickened out… again like the coward I am.’ There was badly drawn chicken with a sad face at the bottom of the note, but no name.

Huh, well how about that?

Ransom got up from his desk to go relay the latest events in this secret admirer saga to Holster, only to find his desk empty, computer off.

“Looking for Holster? He was here for about five minutes. Looked miserable. Boss sent him home sick.”

What? Holster wasn’t sick. He’d seen the guy just this morning just before he walked into the bathroom. He looked fine, and even if he was sick, why hadn’t he said anything to Ransom? They usually played nurse for each other when under the weather.

Baffled, Ransom sat down at his desk and tried to work, but for the better part of the day, his mind was elsewhere.

***

When he walked through the door that afternoon, after feigning illness (and why shouldn’t he? If his roommate got sent home ill, it stood to reason that he might also have caught the same bug. A total lie of course, but a believable one), he found himself met with total silence. Perhaps Holster was sleeping, as well he should be, but Ransom knocked on his door just to check on him.

“Hey, Holtzy...can I get you anything?”

“No.”

“Are you sure. They said you looked like you felt terrible. Least let me come in and give you the cursory check.”

“No. It’s fine.”

“Which one of us took a crapton of biology classes?”

Inside Holster’s room, he heard rustling, but eventually, Holster came and opened the door. The first thing Ransom noticed were his red-rimmed eyes and puffy face. He’d been crying. That or he had the worst case of stuffy-cold-watery-eyes face (trademark pending) that Ransom had ever seen. He was about to ask what the matter had been when his eyes caught sight of a bag, the contents of which were spilling onto the floor as though it had been haphazardly stuffed under Holster’s desk.

This, in and of itself, wouldn’t be too noticeable, but the bag of pistachios, a package of glass jars, scraps of construction paper...and a container of Valentine’s Day themed glitter which had opened and poured out onto the carpet caught his attention. Caught it, and kept it.

Pieces of the puzzle all slotted into place. Lardo had been right; he was upset because someone had been giving him all those gifts and it bothered him...because they hadn’t been from Holster.

Or so he thought.

Holster followed his line of sight, and a panicked squeak the likes Ransom wouldn’t even have thought possible from him escaped his throat. Ransom turned to look at him, noticing all the color had drained from his face.

Holster swallowed hard, eyes wide as though he was staring into the headlights of an oncoming car. Ransom swore he could see all the thoughts racing around in his head.

“I-” he began, but stopped, turned, and flopped down on his bed face first, burying his face in his pillow. What followed next, on any other day, Ransom would say was just Holster being overdramatic, but today… Holster screamed, the pillow muffling most of the noise. Then, he groaned, “Just get it over with, Rans.”

Get what- Oh. “Well, you could have gone about it in a less...weird way.”

Holster rolled over onto his back, covering his face with an arm. “I thought people found the idea of a Secret Admirer romantic. Clearly, I was mistaken.”

“Was this all a joke?” Ransom had to be sure before he said anything else.

Holster peeked out from under his arm. “What? Why would you think that?” With a long suffering sigh, he said, “First, I was just going to get you flowers. Then waltz over and say, ‘Surprise! Those are from me.’ But I panicked, and then, well you know” he gesticulated wildly with the arm not covering his face.

“It snowballed?”

“Yes. Exactly. So I tried to up the stakes. Nicer gifts each day, but you didn’t seem to like that. So, I went homemade. And well, then I overheard you talking to Lardo. So I gave up. Just if you would kindly put me out of my misery before leaving my room, that would be just grand,” he groaned.

Ransom pondered the thought. Holster was a large guy with larger emotions, who had the tendency to go over the top with most things. Why would declarations of romantic feelings be any different? And it was not as though Ransom didn’t think of Holster that way. In fact, it was the opposite. He adored him but had written off those feelings as purely platonic (most of the time. He was only human. So sue him) because Holster hadn’t shown any interest.

This was a case of differing preferences. Ransom preferred subtlety and Holster...did ostentatious work here? Yes, ostentatious. Had Ransom at any time grabbed a megaphone and shouted, ‘I think you’re great! I’d really like to kiss you...among other things!’, or had Holster just left a custom crossword puzzle on Ransom’s desk which spelled out, ‘You and I work great together. Date me?’ then they wouldn’t be in this mess.

So, he walked around to the other side of the bed, lying down on his back beside him. Then, he pried Holster’s arm away from his face and kissed his hand. “The beer was a nice touch. I thought they’d sold out of that one.”

Holster stared at him, flabbergasted. “I- you- what?”

Ransom rolled over and kissed Holster’s cheek. “Don’t hurt yourself there, Holtzy.”

“So...wait! This is a mutual feeling?” he shouted.

“Ding, ding, ding. Now he gets it.”

Holster burst out in ecstatic laughter. “You have got to be kidding me! But I um, sort of waited in line from like six am day of release. They sold out two people behind me.”

“Worth it,” Ransom said, lacing their fingers together.

“So um...I had a gift I decided not to give you and figured I would just see if you wanted to go with me...instead of you know…”

“Going with the mystery secret admirer?”

“Bingo. I have a pair of second row tickets for tomorrow’s game against the Aeros.”

Ransom reached over and tugged at him until Holster rolled on top of him. He kissed him on the nose. “I would love to.”

“Then it’s a date.”

“It certainly is.”

#holsterransom #fanfiction #bittysvalentines #bv2019 #omgcp

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thelovers-thedreamers-and-me · 6 years ago

Photo

tonight’s fuck squad, i made a pie with a dick on it. last year i also made a pie with a dick on it, but this is a way better dick because i’ve improved my craft significantly. also, everyone except saida wore their Team Fuckit tees, and rhonia’s player brought me two dope patches as an epic gm bribe. (i really need a jean jacket)

rhonia, cutting the pie: “do i want dick? do i want spooge? decisions, decisions.”

first order of business, people on the boat get their beds- saida and rhonia get bottom bunks, and everyone else is a top. jokes ensue.

there was also a real good quality “i’s the bi” joke made by rhonia after i told them nobody on this ship was straight

sergei spends the afternoon talking to pashmina in the hold, where he tells her that he and reaper are getting married. maddela, making poisons in the hold, overhears.

they go hang out for a while before dinner, when they meet the ship’s captain, leonon boldart. he is pretty welcoming. tells them about the shell necklaces that give the crew gills in case they fall overboard, invites the squad to play cards or arm wrestling after dinner.

yoni tries to teach talon some morals, saida and maddela go for a walk, rhonia hangs out with sergei in the mess hall before bed

saida: “so what’s new maddela? feel like we haven’t had a rap session in a while. that’s how i talk now.”

maddela tells saida that reaper and sergei are getting married, and saida immediately goes to tell yoni

yoni, upon learning about reapergei: “so, does that mean reaper’s in our group now? because i don’t want to split the money another way.”

also somehow it was determined that the ship name for saida and yoni is sony

saida: “rhonia, we got news. gossip’s the devil’s telephone, so pick up.” rhonia: “what’s a telephone?” sergei: “it’s like a radio”

they also tell rhonia, and everyone is very excited to start planning weddings and maybe have a wedding shower on the ship and for gifts they’ll just have a whole tray of things that sergei can put into the bag of trading and oh my GOD

saida: “bobbie’s all ‘come explore this ship i made!’ and we’re all “WEDDING SHOWER!”

saida: “you didn’t anticipate this level of nonsense?” “honestly, no!”

while all this is happening, sergei gets chatting with the arm-wrestling champ, a dwarf with a tattoo that appears to move as she flexes. her name is helena, and she reveals that it is a magic tattoo and she got it at a place called the market of marvels in voight. you need to use a drop of your own blood to get in there, but there’s some dope shit in the underground market. then she soundly trounces sergei at arm wrestling

sergei: “well, now that i’ve been emasculated, i’m gonna go talk to my horse.”

overnight, the squad is awakened by a commotion, as pashmina spooks in the middle of the night. sergei goes down and uses speak with animals to ask what the hell. she tells him that she just got a really weird feeling and hated it.

yoni: “but if we wait [until we get on dry land for the shower] one or more of us might be dead!” rhonia: “but if i die i don’t have to buy sergei a wedding gift!”

sergei: “pashmina can be my mare of honour!” rhonia: “get her turned into a human and she can be your maid mare-ian!”

inspecting the hold, there’s not really anything up except that one of the boxes that had been stacked on another fell over. the box that fell was filled with spices.

maddela: “did any of the spices spill?” rhonia: “i think what she means to ask is, did someone bust a nutmeg?”

i did not kick any of these people out of my house

sergei went fishing, saida figured out the parador wand is useless and only enchanted to make people feel like it’s important on their quest, and yoni teaches talon to steal fish from sergei, prompting a puppet show that i’ve been told was adorable

in the middle of the night, talon wakes yoni, and gets her to come up to the deck. up there is an elven woman, with dark hair in a heavy blue traveller’s cloak.

“i’m just looking at the stars. they’re beautiful, aren’t they?” yoni: “they sure are stars!”

thanks

yoni, describing the time they killed jimmy buffett: “we fought back. then he died.”

it turns out the woman is desna, and she compliments yoni on how she’s trying to do good now, warns her about upcoming threats, gives her a pair of magic gloves, and then promptly yeets herself into the ocean.

meanwhile, there’s a similar commotion in the hold again. maddela examines the box of spices more thoroughly, but still no answers. the next morning, though, helena is dead.

“it’s like in anastasia, the woman who goes it’s me grandmama and throws off her coat? like that but viscerally gory”

rhonia speaks with dead with helena, and although she didn’t see who killed her, she was feeling very tired beforehand, and thought someone came in the night. a yoni flapdragon medical exam confirmed that she had been killed by a vampire

rhonia asks the grieving leonon to borrow helena’s bones, and then asks if you can remove a tattoo from someone. read a room

a precaution they all adopt is drawing the holy symbols of desna on their faces with maddela’s expired lipstick

sergei: butterfly face paint!

maddela: “i figure if i die i can be a druid, and still have red hair and tights.”

after spending a long time helping yoni prepare her spells with a wise use of nap stack, the squad is prepared to fight

saida: “can i cast aggressive thundercloud on the door down to the hold?” “yeah, just lock the party in there with the vampire. whoever comes out is your new party member.”

the vampire crawls out of her box and up the wall, prompting the use of the thor miniature with the suction cup bottom, as pictured. there’s a depressingly long plan involvin somehow gluing the box shut now that the vampire is awake? it does not work

maddela casts hold person on her and she plummets. on her next turn, she tries to use the wand of parador as a stake using her crossbow, because “dammit it just feels useful!” there’s a lot of very good cleric spells in here, though

the vampire sucks some of yoni and saida’s blood, doing some constitution damage, and then tries to escape.

saida kills her with an aggressive thundercloud, they stake her through the heart with the wand, and set her on fire and toss her overboard.

saida: “stupid bitch. poor and annoying.” “like me!”

#fuck squad recap #the fuck squad #Official Fuck Squad Merch #that pie might not be safe for work #depends how your individual workplace feels about painting on lil veins with cinnamon sugar #also i might post some dm selfies later #this post was just already too picture heavy

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dream-beyond-the-fantasy · 7 years ago

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Some things I want clarified in Cobra Kai, but they probably won’t touch on.

In The Karate Kid Part III, we learn that the Cobra Kai dojo was founded and bankrolled by businessman Terry Silver, who gifted the dojo to Vietnam army buddy John Kreese to run. After Daniel won the 1984 All Valley Tournament and Kreese nearly killed Johnny in front of students, parents, and other witnesses, Kreese loses all of his students and is in financial ruin. Silver buys up more dojos to put under the Cobra Kai brand and help Kreese humiliate and destroy Daniel and Miyagi. But after Daniel wins the 1985 (guessing since Part 2 takes place 6 months after 1 and they arrive from the airport from Japan in 3) tournament against Mike Barnes, Silver & Kreese’s plans fall apart and Cobra Kai is shut down. My question is how does Johnny get the rights to the Cobra Kai name and logo? Is Terry Silver bankrupted now? Or are he and John Kreese both in prison and/or dead?

Does Johnny have any contact with his former Cobra Kais/high school friends? And will see them at some point in the future of this show (I’m being hopeful here)? We know he is in a bad place 34 years after his defeat by Daniel. We know Kreese lost all of his students. After Johnny, who nearly died at the hands of Kreese, Bobby Brown had the most reason to leave the dojo. Bobby probably had the most heart and ethics of any of the Cobra Kai students. He protested against much of Johnny’s behavior, especially regarding Daniel. During the semi-finals, he wanted to beat Daniel fairly but was ordered to put Daniel out of commission by Kreese. After taking out Daniel’s knee, Bobby showed remorse and tried to apologize profusely. Bobby was then disqualified. When Kreese is choking Johnny, Bobby tries to come to his friend’s aid, but is assaulted by Kreese. Tommy, one of Johnny’s best friends and staunchest supporters, also tries to get Kreese to stop attacking Johnny and gets assaulted for his trouble. Jimmy, the quietest one in the bunch and the one we know the least about, shows shock and disgust at Kreese’s actions. William Zabka is still close friends with these Cobra Kais (Ron Thomas, Rob Garrison and Tony O’Dell, respectively). As for Dutch, I feel like there would have been a falling out eventually. He is always ready to fight and torture Daniel. Dutch didn’t have much of a reaction when Kreese was attacking Johnny and merely looked away. Also, Zabka and the other Cobra Kai actors don’t seem to be as close with Chad McQueen.

Will we learn more about Johnny’s life, family and backstory? Yes, we will meet Johnny’s son Robby Keene, Robby’s mom, and Johnny’s stepfather Sid Weinberg in Cobra Kai. But will we learn what (other than losing a karate tournament over 30 years ago) that led to the drunken Johnny we see in the first trailer, why he has such a bad relationship with his son, and generally, anything else that happened in the intervening years. Also, anything that led to Johnny being the ace degenerate ex-degenerate that we meet in The Karate Kid.

#cobra kai #cobra kai confession #pre-series thoughts on cobra kai #john kreese #johnny lawrence #terry silver #bobby brown #dutch #jimmy #tommy #i might come up with more later

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readinginthereadyroom · 4 years ago

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okay, I am into this.

but also there’s an implication here I think people are missing. dean winchester is (still?) wanted by the fbi for various and sundry murders. he’s also potentially dead. in order to apply for a job, he’ll have to change his name.

and isn’t that kinda wonderful? the last renouncement of his life as a hunter. one final FU to john. dropping the violence in his name and picking something different.

in fact, I’m gonna headcanon that he and sam mutually decide on a new surname. because they are still family. maybe they pick campbell to honor mary.

acually. no. they choose singer. I have decided and this is now canon. they choose to honor the only real parent they ever had. it’s kinda an awkward conversation with apocalyptic world bobby—asking if they can use his name because his predecessor was so important to them. after all, it would kinda make them his kids too. like, hello yes, would you like to adopt two 40-yr-olds? pretty please?

and of course bobby says yes. he’s rather gruffily choked up about it. his life has been a series of tragedies—but in this world he’s at peace. he has a life. and now he has his kids.

so sam forges the documents. they call some of their contacts from previous jobs and get letters of recommendation. a “work history” if you will. other than the fact it’s made-up, none of it’s really untrue. dean insists on keeping his GED—I worked hard on that, sammy. I’m not ashamed.

and sam thinks, yeah. dean is 100% right. so he hacks into stanford to get his records. he can’t just wipe sam winchester from existence—being a well-known accomplice to a serial killer will do that—but he creates a new record for samuel campbell singer. and just. duplicates his transcripts. prints himself a new degree. he’s so ridiculously pleased with himself that eileen can’t help but be fond. she buys him a frame as a housewarming gift when he moves out of the bunker (and into her home).

dean teases him because he can. mostly about the midde name. we never had one before!! and sam’s just like, well your initials aren’t ss now! I loved bobby bobbys? idk, whatever, but we killed hilter for a reason, dean.

cas just nods sagely in the background. he has a point. dean loses whatever argument he was trying to make. but then the conversation turns to cas. he’s human now and will need a name as well. technically, he’s still jimmy novak, but well...he’s also not.

things get awkward quickly because yes, cas is family. but dean can finally admit that brother just doesn’t feel right. you’re...you’re more than that, cas.

sam’s eyebrows liftoff into his hairline while cas and dean just *stare* at each other. after the silence goes on for a good minute sam clears his throat. well, for the record I’m okay with brother. you know, like brother-in-law? dean shoots him a betrayed look but sam just grins and leaves the room. you two hash it out and let me know what you decide.

and so cas and dean talk. really talk. dean knows how cas feels about him. after the empty—and the long months without him—dean knows how he feels about cas. but he’s never been good at putting his feelings into words. they sit at the kitchen table long into the night. and by the end they have a plan. cas will go where dean goes, they will make a life together (with their son, jack), and it will be...whatever it is. no expectations. but yes, with love. of course, buddy. of course I love you.

that’s almost easy compared to the next step. cas calls claire. they’ve never really talked about jimmy—not since that one time. she’s not his daughter, but she’s still his family. and he isn��t jimmy. he would never presume. but his vessel-turned-body is still biologically claire’s dad.

they have a very gruff (on cas’ side) and very terse (on claire’s side) heart-to-heart. repair some of the lingering damage between them. she’s still kinda shocked when cas asked about names. dude you can’t be dad. um, jimmy. you just *can’t.* there’s no maliciousness in it. just loss.

kaia makes a comment in the background. it’s too muffled for cas to make out, but claire practically shouts oh my god you’re a GENIUS!!! into the phone. she rambles a mile a minute about kaia’s idea—without actually saying what the idea is—and promises she’ll take care of this for him. we’re gonna call sam. trust me this is brilliant. then she hangs up.

cas squints at the phone and rolls his eyes. he loves his kids, but they can be so exasperating. pocketing the phone he goes in search of sam.

he’s in the library on his laptop. his phone is wedged between his shoulder and his ear. he’s typing superhumanly fast—cas always did suspect some of his psychic powers stuck around—and making agreement noises to whoever he’s on the line with. claire, most likely.

this is brilliant! oh, cas just walked in. can I tell him? sam puts the phone down on the table and gestures cas over. clicks speakerphone.

and claire and kaia and sam tell him their idea. cas gets a little teary-eyed, especially once sam shows him the mock-up for his birth certificate. I’ll have to track down jimmy’s in order to make a convincing duplicate but you get the idea. cas isn’t really paying attention to sam anymore. he’s staring at the screen. castiel novak. jimmy’s brother.

when dean walks into the library with jack they catch him up. is this what you want? you and claire? it’s asked kindly. cas nods and says yes at the same time claire does. they all laugh and claire and kaia sign off—talk to you later long-lost uncle cas.

sam pulls up some more documents. he’s in his element and obviously having a great time. there’s a resume in progress, a series of driver’s licenses, adoption papers for jack kline novak. don’t worry, claire agreed. and a death certificate for jimmy.

cas understands that it’s practical. and, in a way, kind. but he can’t help turning away from the screen. stares at his clenched hands. it’s been a long day.

dean places a grounding hand on his shoulder. you okay, buddy? jack burbles something in sympathy and makes grabby hands. cas pulls him into his lap. I’d like to get jimmy a headstone. would that be appropriate?

yeah, sam says. I think we can do that. so they do. sam uses cas’ new credit line to buy the plot next to amelia. orders a headstone for them to share. cas picks out a memorial tree to be planted. they send claire the details before confirming. and then it’s done.

new lives. but also not. they’re all still family and their histories are woven into the very fabric of their new identities.

time moves on. sam and eileen get married in a quiet no-nonsense courthouse ceremony. dean and cas are witnesses. sam’s in grad school working toward a phd in american history (minor in information sciences). he’s already planning his dissertation, the supernatural gospels: folklore and religious symbolism in 18th and 19th century american travel narratives. he thinks he’s hilarious. dean doesn’t. but he’ll still buy hardbound copies for all their friends and family when sam graduates.

dean and cas move in together. dean is an assistant manager at a construction company—which is paying for his bs in construction management. he minors in american lit because he can and it makes him happy. he’s busy, but he still finds time on the weekends to rebuild classic cars and volunteer at habitat for humanity. he’s two years sober.

cas managed a gas-n-sip for a while before investing full time in his apiary side hustle. sunshine honey is extremely popular at the local farmer’s market. he even has an online shop. he also volunteers at a homeless shelter—dean does too. it’s called making amends.

miracle and jack are inseparable.

their relationship thrives. it’s been bordering on romantic for years, but they still fall into it slowly. and it’s easy. easier than dean ever imagined. guess a lack of apocalypses puts things in perspective. you know, priorities. cas just nods as if he follows dean’s train of thought. kisses his cheek and gruffs a fond yes, dean.

the year jack starts kindergarten, dean asks cas to marry him. well, he asks if they *should* get married. house, kid, dog, family, why not? it’s very much dean logic. dean’s very demonstrative in his affection. always has been. but he still blushes when he says, also, you know. I love you.

so they get married. just a small ceremony in the backyard with their friends and family. jack is the ringbearer. claire puts a little trenchcoat over his suit as a joke but everyone just melts at how adorable it is. miracle gets into the pie. claire and jody are groomsmaids. sam officiates. cas has the rings cast from his angel blade. they are cool to the touch and hum with the echoes of his grace.

cas and dean honeymoon at the beach. dean is still wary of planes so they take an extended roadtrip for old times sake. when they return, cas and jack go thru the tedious, but legal, process of changing their surname. the rest of cas’ angel blade is cast into a protection symbol. it’s a songbird, wings outstretched, three music notes from it’s open beak. it says the singers.

they hang it over their front door.

as someone who only watched the finale through Tumblr…

and who has been reading fix-it fics in between cramming homework to keep from having a breakdown….

…guys…

…did he actually apply for a job, or is that fix-it fanon?

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almaasi · 7 years ago

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reaction post typed while watching SPN 13x05 “Advanced Thanatology”

BILLIE !!!!! AND DEAN !!!!! AND CAS?!!?!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

04:39pm

AT LAST i have a video file

the internet is full of such bullshit?? so many download links where they make you download a 1gb file before telling you to do a “survey” to get a password to open the file, which is actually a bullshit link to bullshit ads and no survey in sight, not that i’d even want to do one

thank you @dimples-of-discontent for the download link ;u; (and everyone who recommended @spndestiel on twitter for next time)

04:42

OH MY GOD HN YMGOD I’M SO ExCITED DEAN AND CAS REUNITED I’M SO READY

04:43

DEATH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE DEATH!!!!!!!!

........oh wow that sounds weird now i type it but Y’ALL KNOW WHAT I MEAN

04:44

/quickly checks who wrote this ep

YOCKEY

okay cool so it’s gonna be awesome but probably not actually gay for some unknown reason