sourender

[sourender]

I was made of love, and with love I offer myself to you.

I brood over the fact that I felt so drawn to your presence the night we met. It felt right, the connection was there. We were strangers but you didn't feel foreign nor far from me, maybe that's just how it was supposed to be. Perhaps it was a sign that I have to be the one you truly deserve. I still think its a work in progress, but with you by my side now, I know I'll get there.

Love was always there. Meeting you felt like coming home after a long journey where I yearned for a place to be, where my heart could finally reside. Whatever it was that sparked that night, it ran deeper than anything in this life.

I love you, you are my endgame.

Keigo Yongco-Sy in the eyes of Genezo, a day before their third anniversary. For love was always there, right from the very start.

[sourender]

With you redefining sunsets, there is nothing to fear for me anymore.

I remember just how easy it was for me to grab my pen and pour all the words away. How gentle the strings felt against my fingers as I slowly strummed the song from my heart. The day you said you loved me too, there was nothing else that mattered anymore. I wanted it to be you, it had to be you. With that certainty shrouding my heart as its beat synced with your being, there was only one thing left for me to do; to go on one knee for you.

It was summer night by the banks of Seine as I kissed your ring. With added personal flairs, I whispered my sincere devotion for you. I threw a coin in the river with a simple wish that then came true. I hope that I become the one for you. I wanted to be the man that deserves you. The person who would be with you in every step you shall take, the partner that you can rely on in sickness and in health. I wished it upon the flowing waters of the city of love, hoping the depths of it would seep through the path that we ought to take.

It was perfect. How the we basked under the sun's setting glow, the ring glinting with our eyes that shined with tears. It was truly heavenly, hearts above clouds. I am eternally grateful that you said yes, to heaven and me.

Heaven is indeed a place on Earth with you.

Keigo Yongco-Sy in the eyes of Genezo, two days before their third anniversary. For love feels seeing and feeling heaven on Earth.

[sourender]

I'll fill your stomach with a love so warm you never have to grow cold once winter comes.

I found the saying "A way to a man's heart is through his stomach." absurd when I was younger. The heart comes first, I said. Does food hold such magic? My mother laughed with such mirth as she smiled; I'll know once I get there. It lingered in my mind as I began to grow hungry. There was nothing that could satisfy me, not until the sweet tune of your soul washed my sins away. "I baked something for you." was just my innocent way of saying "I hope I become warm enough for you."

I want you to eat well. I want you to have everything good. I want to see you smile with strawberries and cream on your lips, the lingering smell of savory food, the sound of you slowing down with soup, the quiet noise of milk and tea, the mundanity of being in the kitchen as I prepare to fill your stomach for the day. I want you to be well, I know you know that too. To which I offer a dash of my love in every meal as I grow full with every smile you give me each time you finish your plate.

There's a lot that I could give, but there is something I could provide every single day. Loving you and keeping you well, it is my vow forevermore.

I love you, I hope you let me take care of you.

Keigo Yongco-Sy in the eyes of Genezo, three days before their third anniversary. For love feels like being full, every single day.

[sourender]

The universe smiled on me when I solemnly prayed along with the winds to let me keep you.

Love was well tangled in my soul, and I ought to find the other end of it. As I followed the tune of a familiar song, fate led me to the strings of your symphony. With the stars above to wish upon, I held my breath; I hope I become worthy enough of you. There's so much that I could give, yet it cannot suffice the amount of things you deserve. I am no god to bless you with heaven, nor can I bestow you the universe at the snap of my fingers—but for you, I reckon I'd find a way if you asked me to—maybe even if you didn't.

As I sit across and beside you every single day, I come to realize a lot of things. To the world, you are a mere star among others, but to me, you hold every single one of them in your eyes. The rest of the world could never reach the universe for all they want, but I could. As long as you're beside me, everything is at arms length. With the sun no longer at the sky and the crickets lulling us to sleep, I dress your cheek with a sweet kiss—one that is sweeter than any fruit of the gods—as I whisper my vow the next time we awake.

"I'll love you even better than today."

Keigo Yongco-Sy in the eyes of Genezo, four days before their third anniversary. For love feels like coming home, and home is in your arms.

[sourender]

As the seasons changed to autumn, it also began the fall—falling in love with you.

Summer slowly sunk beneath the ocean waves, leaves began to dance with the wind as new colors bleed. It was autumn—or for some, fall. As this new season comes crisp, the breeze biting my skin, your presence was my newfound warmth. Your smile felt like the hearth of a home whose door I was still waiting for to welcome me with open arms. The trees swayed as more leaves fell to which my heart went along with. I fell for you in the warm autumn of 2021; you gave me more reasons to love the season in the first place.

There’s this thing about seasonal depression. With the weather all over the place, our feelings become muddled with it as well. Yet the concept of it ceased to exist the moment you gave each season a new meaning. Summer being the time that I met you with your melting smile, autumn rolled when the fall began, winter gave us the security and warmth against the placid and freezing cold, and spring was where we began all over again.

I’ll give you all my seasons, even on places where its concept doesn’t exist. You have my heart.

Photographed by Genezo, 2024. One of his favorite films of his beloved with a note on the back side: My forever love, in all seasons.

[sourender]

You are everything, simply everything. I found what I was reaching for when you crossed my world like a shooting star.

The sky was all I dreamed of as I looked up to it all this time—I didn’t know back then that I’d find a person that would embody its beauty.

[sourender]

The things I realized that night.

They always say that you will know the right one for you. There’s no clear guidelines nor standards, you will just know. For a man who struggled to comprehend the lines of romance, I let myself delve into paths I shouldn’t have taken—but maybe it was all to end up to the road that would lead me to you. In my inkling thoughts at night as I drowned into the depths of my pooling emotions that yearned for warmth, I was just waiting to pour all the love that I could give. I was waiting for the one for me, if there was.

They say you’ll meet 80,000 people in your lifetime. That’s a lot. What are the odds of us meeting? Almost zero as statistics says. Yet I was fortunate enough to meet you. Out of the odds of one to 562, I have you. I thank the heavens for gracing me that kind of luck.

I remember it all vividly. From the bright lights of the street to the cold breeze hitting my skin. The planes pass through the clear skies and cars drove by as I walked to the place I didn’t know, would change the trajectory of my life. I didn’t know it yet, I didn’t know that it will be a catalyst of change. I was blissfully unaware that everything was about to go through a rollercoaster of events, that love was just around the corner—literally.

As I watched behind the crowd that gathered around, I fiddled with my fingers as I felt the rate of my heartbeat racing. I didn’t know why until you began to sing. Soulful words poured out of your lips as emotions started to grapple the chords of the strings of my heart. I was unfamiliar with what your were singing but it perfectly forshadowed what we were about to become and what the seed that your voice feeded that night was about to bloom; love.

I stood there in awe, watching how the light bounced off your skin. How its warmth embraced your figure, how your eyes sparkled along with it. You shined even brighter than the stars above that night. You captivated me.

Thump.

I slowly swallowed as my mind was in a haze. I struggled to breathe as you took it away. Your voice pulled me in. You didn’t have to look at me, but if you did, I might have just fallen right there and then.

Thump.

I clutch my hands. What was this?

Thump.

I smiled. This was it, this was what they have always said. I know now, a surge of pride washes over as I let it all dawn on me. It is true, you will just know. With three beats, it was the beginning of the fall. I knew it was going to be you.

If there was someone I would love, it had to be you.

That night, I might have believed in God again for I saw someone so perfect. So perfect that I knew I didn’t deserve you, maybe I’ll never will, but I knew I wanted to love you. I needed to. For loving you is my living purpose. I know that now, I very much do.

Just a thousand days ago, I knew it was the beginning of a devotion that transcends forever and a love that will stay, always.

30th of July, 2021. NOKORI’s busking at BGC. Photo taken by Genezo. Note: Keigo’s performance, a night to remember.

[sourender]

Ikaw ang patutunguhan sa buong sanlibutan, ngayon at kailanman.

Ugali ko na siguro talaga na suwayin o hindi sumunod sa mga nakapalibot na konsepto pag-dating sa pag-ibig. Mapilit nga ako, ika nila. Basta gumusto, planado at kalkulado. Kung kaya’t nakakatawa isipin na unang linggo pa lang ay palaisipan ko na kung anong itsura ng kasal natin. Maski ako nagulat, hindi ko inaasahang ganun na kita kagusto para mapunta sa punto na ikaw na ang gusto kong pakasalan. Siguro nga ganun talaga kapag tinamaan. Ganun nga talaga kapag nahanap mo na ang para sa ‘yo. Sa mata ng iba, baka nadala lang ako sa lamig at emosyon ngunit iba ang pinatunayan ng panahon dahil nandito na ako. Nakamit ko na ang pinapangarap ko lamang noon; ang makasama ka.

Natatandaan ko pa ang una nating pagkikita, pakiramdam ko sasabog ang puso ko. Napakaganda mo, iyon ang nasa isip ko. Bawat pagpikit ng mata ko ay hanap ka. Pinuno mo ang isip ko ng boses mong kumakanta na talaga namang binihag ang puso ko. Hindi naman ako mababaw para hindi mapansin na talaga namang gusto na kita at hindi ko na rin sinubukan labanan ang gusto ng puso ko. Mamahalin kita hanggang sa makakaya ko.

Alam ko sa sarili kong mahuhulog ako sa ‘yo. Sa bawat araw na lumilipas simula noong nakilala kita, nararamdaman ko sa puso kong malalim ang babagsakan ko. Ngunit imbes na matakot, mas lalo ko pang ginusto na matunton ang dulo ng hangganan ng pagkatao mo. Hindi alintana kung masasaktan ako sa huli o hindi. Sapagkat natutunan ko na ang pagmamahal ay mapagpalaya. Mahal kita higit pa sa pagmamahal ko sa sarili ko. Mahal kita at handa akong palayain ka basta ikaw ang sumaya. Napakarami kong natutunan sa ‘yo, Keigo. Mapagpalaya ang pag-ibig at kaakibat nito ang pag-mamahal sa sarili. Mahal kitang labis kung kaya’t nandito tayo.

Isa na lamang ang pinaniniwalaan ko sa buhay ko, Keigo; ang pag-iibigan natin. Marami na itong napagdaanan, marami na itong nalagpasan. Patuloy itong tumatatag at hindi tayo binibigo sa bawat alon na humahampas sa baybayin ng ating paraiso. Hindi alintana ang binabato ng sanlibutan saatin dahil alam kong mayroon akong ikaw. Kaya ko ang lahat basta’t nasa tabi kita. Magunaw man ang mundo, ang kung anong mayroon tayo ay hindi basta bastang susuko. Tatlong taon nating binuo at pinatatag ang pagmamahalan natin, sigurado akong kakayanin niya pa ang susunod na dadantay na mga bagyo.

Ang saya mo mahalin, Keigo. Hindi man palaging masaya ang mga araw, nararamdaman ko pa rin ang munting ligaya sapagkat swerte ako na nagkaroon ako ng isang ikaw na walang katulad. Walang kapantay lahat ng pag-iintindi at sakripisyo mo na binuhos mo para sa akin. Naniniwala akong hindi na ako makakahanap pa ng pagmamahal na tulad ng mayroon tayo—wala akong plano dahil ikaw lang ang gusto ko makasama hanggang dulo. Napakaswerte ko at natagpuan kita. Isa lang ang pagsisisi ko sa mga nagdaang taon na kasama ka; sana nakilala kita ng mas maaga. Ang haba ng panahon na sinayang na wala ka, mahal ko. Hindi ko napansin na ang tagal ko na palang kinasasabikan maramdaman ang init ng pag-ibig mo.

Sabi nga nila, lahat ng magandang bagay ay nahihintay. Kung kaya’t nagpapasalamat ako at pinalad ako ng isang katulad mo sa tagal kong naghintay sa araw araw. Hindi ko alam kung sino ka, pero alam kong ikaw ang pinapangarap ng puso ko simula palang.

Kung ako ang iyong mundo, ikaw ang buong sanlibutan para sa akin. Ikaw ang araw na iikutan bawat taon. Magiging saksi ang lahat ng bitwin sa ating pag-sayaw.

Mahal kita, Keigo. Ikaw lang at ikaw.

Sa bawat pag-pitik na ikaw ang konsepto, tiyak na tatalon sa ligaya ang aking puso. Magmula noon hanggang ngayon, ikaw lang ang mamahalin. Palaging ikaw sa araw araw, Keigo. Mula sa puso kong nagmamahal, Genezo.

[sourender]

Hindi sapat ang kayang ibigay ng sansinukob sa nararapat para sa ‘yo.

Sa dalawang taon na kasama kita, napagbigyan na ata kita sa lahat mapa sa kalokohan o sa tampuhan. Kailanman ay hindi maatim ng puso ko na tanggihan ka. Gusto kong ibigay lahat ng gusto mo. Ayaw kong ipagkait ka sa kayang ibigay ng daigdig para sa ‘yo pero alam ko na hindi ito magiging sapat dahil alam ko ang nararapat para sa ‘yo.

Lagi kong inaalala ang araw ng ating tagpuan. Hanggang ngayon naroon ang kilig at galak tuwing naaalala ko ang tuwa noong napansin mo ako. Sa simpleng “hi!” ay magbabago pala buhay ko dahil andito ako ngayon, pinupunan lahat ng makakaya ko para sa ‘yo dahil sa puso kong nabihag mo. Hindi ko aakalain na mapupunta ako sa punto ng buhay ko na kaya kong gawin lahat para sa isang tao at ikaw iyon, Keigo. Ikaw ang pinakamamahal ko.

Nasasabi ko na hindi sapat ang kayang ibigay ng sansinukob para sa ‘yo dahil sa puso mong napakabusilak. Tiyak ako na sa susunod na habang buhay man, hindi pa rin nito mapupunan lahat para sa pagkatao mo.

Pero narito ako, sumusubok na makatabas kahit kakaunting porsyento lamang at nagmamahal ng tunay. Mahal na mahal kita, Keigo. Simula noong makilala kita, lahat ng emosyon na pumipiga sa puso ko ay nararamdaman ko ng labis. Hindi ko na mawari ano pa ako kung wala ka.

Sana alam mo na kaya ko talagang gawin lahat para mabigay ang buhay na gusto mo. Na lahat ng ginagawa ko ay para sa batang nariyan sa puso mo. Ang batang sumibol bilang ikaw. Ikaw na naging ehemplo ng pag-ibig. Ikaw ang pag-ibig. Gagawin ko ang lahat para sa kanya, para sa ‘yo.

Napakaswerte ko at mayroon akong ikaw na kasama na magbigay ng buhay para sa mga anak natin na bunga ng ating pagmamahalan. Nawa’y samahan mo akong matuliro sa ibabato ng mundo sa atin, sisiguraduhin kong ibibigay ko pa rin lahat sa ‘yo hanggang dulo. Sigurado ako roon, Keigo. Ikaw ang aking simula at hangganan. Mahal kita.

Labis at tunay na nagmamahal,

Genezo

[sourender]

Sa iyong tabi, pangakong mananatili.

Taragis ang dami ko pang plano para satin, Keigo. Huwag ka bibitaw. Hindi pa tayo nagsisimula.

Ayan ang mga salitang binitawan ko nung tinanong mo ako bakit pa ako nananatili, na bakit pa ako naghihintay sa walang kasiguraduhan. Hindi ko rin mawari kung bakit. Napakalalim na rin kasi ng nasisid ko sa pagkatao mo nung mga panahong iyon, at hanggang ngayon patuloy pa rin akong nagpapakalunod sa iyo. Hindi ko na ninais umahon pa simula nung naramdaman ko ang pagdampi ng agos ng katahimikan at init na magpapaalala ng pagsikat ng araw; unti unti akong binalot hanggang sa ito na ang tinawag kong tahanan. Ito na ang naging espasyo ng puso ko na kailan man ay hindi ko na naisipan na kunin muli ito dahil ikaw na ang nag may-ari simula nung araw na iyon.

Naalala ko pa na parang sirang plaka lahat ng mga kanta na ibinibigay mo sa akin. Hindi mabura ang ngiti sa aking labi sa tuwing tinatawag mo akong baby kahit na wala namang tayo. Lubos ang galak tuwing nanonood tayo ng mga pelikula na tayo lang makakaintindi, mga pelikula na nagpapasabi sa akin ng “Tayo ‘yan eh.”

Natandaan ko, tinatanong ako noon kung tayo na ba. Akala kasi ng pamilya ko sinagot mo na ako, ganun din ang mga kaibigan ko. Halos lahat naghihintay para sa matamis mong oo, pero ang hiling ko lang noon ay ang iyong kasiyahan. Mawala man ako, basta masaya ka, ayos na sa akin.

Iyon ata ang nagdikta at nagpabuo ng loob ko na ikaw na nga talaga. Kasi sino ba namang handa magsakripisyo ng kung ano man ng walang pag aalintala. Na mahal nga kita ng walang pasubali, na walang kondisyon.

Tuwing nakakalahati ang buwan, tila may mga bagay na nagbabago sa relasyon natin noon. Ika-15 ng Agosto, niligawan kita. Ika-15 ng Setyembre nanatili ka at nagtiwala kahit na may pag-alinlangan. Ika-15 ng Oktubre, kasal na tayo sa larong nagbuklod sa atin. Ika-15 ng Nobyembre, may singsing ka na sa daliri at naghahanda na tayo ikasal. Ika-15 ng Disyembre, dinala kita sa bansa kung saan ako lumaki at pinakita ko sa ‘yo ang kung anong meron ako.

Ika-15 ng Enero, taong 2022, binago mo ang buhay ko dahil may katuwang na ako sa habang buhay. Binigay ko sa iyo ang apelyido ko kapalit ng matamis mong salitang inilahad mo, marahang sinambit ang iyong pagmamahal sa akin sa harap ng mga taong saksi kung paano tayo nagsimula. Ako ang pinakaswerteng lalaki sa mundo nung araw na iyon. Ako ang pinakaswerte dahil meron akong ikaw. Bukod tangi, ikaw ang palagi, Keigo.

Ngayon, isang taon at walong buwan na ang lumipas, magkasama pa rin tayong bumubuo ng mga pangarap at patuloy na nagmamahalan tulad ng ipinangako natin sa altar. Ako ang sumalubong sa ‘yo sa dulo, kaya nawa’y ako talaga ang kasama mo sa una, simula, at huli.

Mahal na mahal kita. Ikaw ang paroroonan.

Nagmamahal,

Genezo

Isinulat ni Genezo para kay Keigo habang natutulog ito ng mahimbing sa tabi niya.

[sourender]

I will and I still love you.

As we listen through the songs I sent two years ago, my heart swelled at the memories we shared flourished through the path I take as I reminisce. The pleasure of meeting you, the risk of confessing, the flights I took along with the flowers you tended, the lanterns I lit up in the skies, the wishes I wrote under the glimmering stars, the sunsets that reminded me of you, and the long list of what Keigo Yongco likes and dislikes.

I still find it all in between the books where I wrote letters, nooks and corners of our home where we spend most of our days, up in the clouds, in the garden you tend, in all of the simplest things that remind me of you. Every whisp of a pen, a stroke of a brush, and the shutter of the cameras, you render the artist in me to mark your existence a legacy to be remembered. I ought to define you as what love is.

My mind is a museum of countless potraits of you, one of each hues that you painted every time you touched me tenderly. How do I let you know I just love you more that it cannot be contained in floriferous phrases of adoration?

I have loved you long enough to know that loving comes so easy when it comes to you.

I do love you, I still do. But I do not love you the same for it has grew, transcending past the surface of seas and the turmoil of storms. I love you, more than I ever did but still less than I shall ever will.

A year ago, we had Summer. Would there be room in your heart for another?

I love you, beyond all the words I have written. I love you, forever and always. I love you, Keigo.

Keigo Yongco-Sy, 2022. The night I gave the flight tickets for Kalila’s arrival. My love, my only.

[sourender]

The things I think about when I look at you

Staying in your home country with you for three months, I have thought of some things whenever you’re in my line of sight.

One of them being how lucky I was to have even met you. I am glad that fate did its ways, but the chances of us happening was almost close to zero. What if you had stayed with him longer? What if I found somebody else before you decided to walk in to my life? What if...

As I brood over my what ifs, I watch you coddle our kids with much fondness and love, the same way we shower one another with our affection and adoration. There is much to think about, but it doesn’t really matter now because I have you.

I find myself thinking about the days where you were still healing from your heartbreak. It was a rough start and it didn’t get any easier but I learn to love you even more than I did.

As these thoughts clash in the corners of my mind, I wonder if you remember the man that blocked you for two days straight due to his ego.

We weren’t perfect for the past two years yet I wouldn’t change a thing about it. You are my everything. Thank you for being you, my love. Happy anniversary.

私は最後の息まであなたを愛しています

A photo taken by Genezo on the 6th of May, 2023. Keigo’s intimate birthday celebration in Japan. Written on the 24th of July, 2023.

[sourender]

Narating ko ang langit sa matamis mong oo.

Wala naman talaga akong pinangarap para sa sarili ko, kung kaya’t inaabot ko na lang ang langit bilang piloto para masabing mataas ang ninais ko. Marami akong natutunan habang nagtatrabaho. Mula sa pakikipag diskurso sa iba’t ibang lenggwahe at pag-lakbay na ka’y tagal sa himpapawid, pakiramdam ko iyon ang naging depinisyon ko sa kalayaan na inaasam asam ko. Malayo ang nararating ng eroplano, maiiwan mo nga lahat ng responsibilidad mo sa isang lugar hanggang sa handa ka nang harapin ito. Malayo ang natatakbo, malayo sa mundo na magulo.

Pero simula nang makilala kita, halos ayaw ko na mawalay sa tabi mo. Naging mabigat para sa akin na sumakay sa eroplano at paliparin ito ng milya milya ang layo sa ‘yo. ‘Mapaparamdam ko kaya ang pagmamahal ko sa ‘yo kabilang dako ng mundo?’ madalas na tanong ko sa sarili ko habang nakatitig sa mga ulap na puti at buo. Kung dati ay alis na alis ako, ngayo’y nakahanap na ako ng dahilan para manatili. Nakahanap ako ng tahanan sa tao na akala ko ay gawa gawa lamang ng mga tanga na nalulong sa pag-ibig—tanga rin pala ako.

Turo nga na sa pag-papalipad ay dapat malinaw ang iyong pagbigkas at mabilis ka magdesisyon. Kaya siguro agad agad ko inamin sa sarili ko na gusto kita at mabilis pa sa alas kwatro ang pagluhod ko para magpaalam na pakasalan mo ako.

Maraming naging simbolo ang pag-iibigan natin, pero ang matamis mong oo sa harap ng minamahal nating tao sa buhay natin ang nakaukit sa puso at isipan ko. Kung bukas makalawa ay magising ako na walang naaalala, pakiramdam ko uulit na parang sirang plaka ang pagsabi mo ng “Oo, mahal kita.” hanggang sa hukay ko siguro.

Mahal kita, Keigo, at alam kong mahal mo rin ako. Mas higit pa kitang mamahalin sa mga susunod na araw at sisiguraduhin kong mararamdaman mo ito. Mahal kita.

Palagi, sa araw araw.

Nagmamahal, Genezo.

Keigo Yongco-Sy, ang pinakamamahal na obra na gawa ng mundo ni Genezo.

[sourender]

Seven hundred days.

That’s how long it has been ever since our paths transpired to be fated into this one hell of a ride with you that met its bumps and rough clouds—but for all I know it is also how long I have been finding for the right words to say to figure out what my heart yearns to say.

Through it beats that rooted from admiration, sinking beneath every fiber of mine to adoration, and now we are here, just seven hundred days later, still haven’t figured anything out. It is love, I do know that, but how do I say anything else apart from I love you?

I guess I’m too prideful that I find myself in a daze racking up my brain just to conclude that the phrase I love you really does it job in simplying it to remind us each day that we do, we do love each other. The simplicity of those three words goes beyond to what people can comprehend as we converse in another way they will never understand.

My heart is full of love for you, my head is full of thoughts of you, and my soul is full of you. I know that I am my own being, that I exist beyond your presence, but it is you. It is you that I would choose more than myself, as you being a part of me that I carry means that I love myself as much as I do for you.

Beyond all the words I have read in the books dusting the corners and the floors of the rooms I once step foot on, there was never anything to perfectly describe the cradle of falling—in love. Or maybe experiences are just that diverse from each other.

How often did I wish for you? I do not know as I never acknowledged that I yearned for a soul for mine. Now I know that just like the shooting stars that fall in the night sky, I fell for a star like you. It was warm, gleaming yellow like the sun rising.

I may not make any sense right now as my thoughts are hazy that I let my fingers slip past my mind and write my heart away to you, but I just want to say that I am glad I met you, Keigo. Even if in another universe we stayed as friends, as enemies, as rocks, as different species, or anything else possible, I know that I will still be as this glad that we crossed paths.

But I like this version of myself as I know I am the luckiest of all the Genezo’s out there as they can never have Keigo Yongco—now Yongco-Sy— for seven hundred days and counting.

Happy a-month-before-our-second-anniversary-monthsary, my love. I hope you know how thankful I am that the cafes were out of business on a Sunday and that you decided to knock on to my heart to let me know that there aren’t any treats for me—and that you are the love of my life.

I love you, until forever ends.

Keigo, as taken by Genezo Sarquiel, on a random day. I love you, forever and always. 25th of June, 2023.

[sourender]

Me before you

There were things I didn’t know before, one of them being that love could bring two people together, an amalgamation of universes into one. I didn’t anticipate the vulnerability and the rawness that came with love. It was strange, intimidating even, to delve into who I am just so I could bare myself to you. Who was I before I met you as I could only remember staying afloat endlessly, limiting myself despite the endless horizons.

I didn’t know that I’d believe the concept of fate intertwined with the stars aligning as I only saw it through dimly lenses. ‘What was so special about these sparks scattered in the sky that people depended there life in it?’ I thought, naively, as if navigators before didn’t use these celestial bodies as markings on where to go long before. I was stupid, I didn’t know that I’d follow it too.

I did know one thing, it’s that love drives you to do insane things. It gives you the courage through passion and desire. It makes you do stupid things and slip up with mistakes. That, I was aware, and I would always find myself with great disdain over those who were love sick.

I could list a lot more to the things I didn’t know before the twenty-fifth of July, but the thing I am certain of is that I knew it would be you despite not knowing that you would even come.

I didn’t particularly pray for someone. I knew what I was looking for, I knew what I wanted and needed, but I never hung up to the fact that I would meet someone that I would truly love just as much as how I love you now.

The stars didn’t have to align as you were the star that I found my way to. On a night as clear as day, I found a path that led me straight to you. I didn’t know that I would never look back, but I knew I’d pick myself apart right there and there to see you shine. It’s appalling that I would go through such lengths for the love that I have for you, but then again who was I to know?

Time passed, months changed, and seasons flew from one another. I find myself here, with my pen and paper, with answers in mind to the questions I had before you. I find it funny, to say the least, as I didn’t know love could actually fill in the blanks of a confused heart.

I didn’t know that something as simple as making you breakfast, tenderly kissing your lips, building our dreams, raising kids, opening a box of strawberries, brushing the hair out of your face, scrubbing your back in bath, and looking into your eyes is where I would find the purpose I was searching for. Maybe the letter l in life is for love after all, as I lived for the first time when you came along.

And I love, I love, oh God, I love you.

I love you so much more each day that it is simply hard enough for me to not cry at the thought that what I can do will never be able to suffice to what I feel for you. I love you that I am reminded that I have the whole universe in my hand, close to me, whenever the roads get rough as you are there to hold me. I love you, I love you, I love you. I repeat it like a prayer as it is within me.

I didn’t know I could love this much, but I knew I’d love you.

我爱你比星星加起来还要多, Keigo Yongco-Sy.

Photo taken on the 6th of May, 2023. July 25th, 2021—The day I met you. I love you, sunshine.

[sourender]

My first love.

Falling for you was a form of rebirth. I was anew, a blank slate to be painted with hues of you. With your love, I rediscovered many firsts, and I will always attest that you are most definitely my first love. You are the sole person who took my heart away along with my breath when your songs brought mirth and fulfillment to my soul. To you is where I belong, and that is a first.

I knew nothing of you but with all the things that I learned and the circumstances that we treaded, I can no longer spare any waking moment without you. I can’t get you off my mind, my mouth speaks of you, and my heart beats your name alone.

Through the tides that led me to you, I offred the best of me, and that I believe isn’t even enough for someone like you. I then vowed to love you for the rest of our lives, and even the breath we’ll heave in the next, just to be able to suffice even a part of your being.

Your existence alone makes me believe, it makes me hope, and it washes me comfort that everything may be a mess but at least I have you to share it with. Even through cold nights, I still find my warm home in you.

I love you now, more than I ever did.

[sourender]

My first love.

Falling for you was a form of rebirth. I was anew, a blank slate to be painted with hues of you. With your love, I rediscovered many firsts, and I will always attest that you are most definitely my first love. You are the sole person who took my heart away along with my breath when your songs brought mirth and fulfillment to my soul. To you is where I belong, and that is a first.

I knew nothing of you but with all the things that I learned and the circumstances that we treaded, I can no longer spare any waking moment without you. I can’t get you off my mind, my mouth speaks of you, and my heart beats your name alone.

Through the tides that led me to you, I offred the best of me, and that I believe isn’t even enough for someone like you. I then vowed to love you for the rest of our lives, and even the breath we’ll heave in the next, just to be able to suffice even a part of your being.

Your existence alone makes me believe, it makes me hope, and it washes me comfort that everything may be a mess but at least I have you to share it with. Even through cold nights, I still find my warm home in you.

I love you now, more than I ever did.