#Jess can take as long as she wants or needs bc I will always be here waiting regardless lol

[wundrousarts]

Obviously I will be eagerly reading (and rereading) it the moment I get my hands on it, but is anyone else just absolutely bored out of their mind waiting for Silverborn?

Ever since Jess’s interview at Adelaide Fest I have been dying out here with excitement and I can’t wait for some updates! I think if we got a cover reveal + full description in June I’d be pretty satisfied for the rest of the wait.

[savannahsdeath]

ok imagine reader just got to jackson and is super confident and basically tells everyone what to do all the time. like people always listen to her bc she’s lowkey scary. ellie’s a bit of a loser all the time at first but then gains confidence and tops reader. readers so shocked bc she’s used to getting what she wants shshsh

ELLIE WILLIAMS X READER

mdni please<3

warnings: 18+!! public sex, cocky!reader n the rest is obvious from the request🤗

writers note: this is a scrap im sorry im sick.. and im not apologizing for leaving yall on edge sorry guys🤭 also it has 1212 words??? signs

"you and jesse." you said to dina, after a long discussion about who's going to patrol today.

"why not me?" ellie scoffed. "i want to patrol too!"

"oh, sorry, els." you laughed mockingly. "maybe next time."

the appointed couple started slowly walking towards the stud, obeying you without thinking much. the girl that had to stay against her will kicked a single rock in disappointment but didn't say anything else.

"come on, we gotta sign it." you waved your hand in a 'follow me' gesture and started walking towards a public building, to which everyone had access.

it's where a lot of important meetings happen, but for now it seemed empty.

you opened a book and searched for a label with today's date before writing dina's and jesse's names down.

"now, what am i supposed to do? the town's boring." she complained as you sat on a couch, next to her.

"but it's safe." you rolled your eyes. "you'll survive a day off."

"you are, unfortunately, probably right." ellie grumbled. "so you're just going to sit here and relax while i go stir-crazy?"

"mhm. oh, and i'm always right." you nonchalantly shrugged.

she barely managed to stop herself from rolling her eyes at you. "of course."

you looked at her and smirked. you could see how mad she was, but you knew she won't do anything about it. she wasn't the type to argue, especially not with you. she just continued fidgeting with her fingers, like she always did in your presence. you chuckled to yourself as you thought about it, enjoying her discomfort.

you leaned back in your seat and relaxed, satisfied with the view of her irritated expression. she looked like she wanted to say something, but she knew it would only fuel your ego and make her feel worse.

eventually, she turned to look at you, and her facial expression begun to betray an emotion. she was clearly not happy with how things were playing out here.

"i know you always have to get your way, but it would be nice if you actually listened to me every once in a while." she said, not raising her voice, but making it clear that she's becoming more irritated as the situation continues.

you frowned in disbelief. "excuse me?"

she looked away again, her voice turning into a whisper. "you heard me."

"excuse me?" you repeated, your tone shifting to be more firm and authoritative.

ellie looked back at you, as if in a defiant manner.

"you need to learn when to keep your mouth shut." her voice was still soft, but you could see the fire in her eyes as she stared at you unwaveringly. she was clearly not willing to back down from her position.

silence

you were to stunned to say anything.

ellie was the first one to speak, speaking rather calmly, given the circumstances. "i said what i had to say. you can go ahead and tell me to shut up now."

she remained staring at you, not blinking, not fidgeting, just staring into your eyes.

"you're funny." you smirked, not taking her comments to heart at all. "i like that."

"oh, you like that?" ellie says as she crosses her arms in front of her chest. there is a certain amount of playfulness in her voice, although the underlying tension between you two is still present. "you like that someone finally spoke up?"

"now that i think about it.." your grin widened and you stood up, walking to a nearby counter. "no, not really."

"oh, i like this game." ellie said in return, getting up off of the couch. she slowly made her way over to the same counter area where you were. her movements were steady and calculated, not showing an inkling of fear or anxiety, even though she was well aware of the fact that this was an intense situation. she was almost enjoying it. "let's see, what else can i do to get on your nerves, hmm? maybe this?" she leaned against the counter, close enough to you that you could feel her breath on your neck. there was a small part of you that was worried about where this was heading, but then, unexpectedly, she begun to speak very softly to you, close to your ear, making this part stay silent. "i can make this much worse, you know."

you can't help but feel a tinge of excitement running down your back. this was a risky move by her, and she was almost daring you to do something about it.

"i don't think there's anything worse than standing so near to you." you whispered, but didn't even try to push her away, expecting she'll back down by herself.

ellie leaned even closer, to the point where your faces were barely an inch away from each other. you felt her breath, you could see the little details on her face, everything was amplified to this degree.

she slowly whispered into your ear, so gently that it almost felt like a caress. "now, you really don't know what you're talking about."

ellie paused for a moment, but not for long. she reached her right hand out and took your left in hers. her touch felt warm and soft, but at the same time there was almost an electric tension in the air around you two.

she slowly begun to speak to you again. "why do we have to fight, huh? is this what you really want?" you felt a slight pull on your hand as she pulled you closer to her.

you sighed, knowing this wasn't in your scenario, but you had to play along. "there weren't any problems, as long as you were listening to me."

ellie's eyes betrayed a hint of irritation once again. "well, there's one problem there." she said as she continued to hold onto your hand. "you aren't always right." she leaned in even closer as she spoke. "sometimes you're just a stubborn, idiotic, bossy, and insufferable pain in the ass."

she finally pulled you all the way up to her. you could feel her breath on your face as she stared intently into your eyes. she seemed to be searching for your next move.

"and still people listen to me." you forced a smirk on your face, which probably turned out as a nervous grimace.

"you know why?" she tugged a strand of your hair behind your ear. "because you're new here. people don't know your backstory and they're scared of you. they think you're... mysterious."

you felt ellie starting to caress your face as she held you in place.

she whispered; "but right now, you're not in the control."

after she said this, she slowly started to move her hand down towards your shirt, as if to prove her point.

you frowned for a short second before mumbling a quiet; "i always am." which turned out way less convincing than you wanted it to be.

ellie's hand slowly inched beneath your shirt. she was very clearly enjoying seeing you squirm in this position.

"oh, is that so?" she said in response to your previous comment. "then why don't you stop me? you're in control, remember?"

the fact is, you could. she'd let you, too. but you didn't want to. you let her do that, and a few more things, even though you risked getting caught. that's what you needed all along.

[princesssmars]

a few ellie headcanons bc i like her c: sfw.

she is a backpack lesbian. always has a tiny backpack. they are always black or a dark green. will sometimes get a patterned one. maybe has bananas on it. wants to put stickers on basically all of them but won’t because she gets paranoid they’ll get ruined.

i can’t find the post and ong i don’t remember what type of snack girlie i said ellie was but yes. this bitch loves snacks. always snacking. had a four month long addiction to jello it was a little scary.

she can cook for herself! she can make a damn good burger. hates tomato’s because she’s a baby 👎🏽

feel like she likes the weirdest cereals ever…like bae why are you eating kit kat cereal

runs super cold and always has a blanket. lovesss those super thick fluffy blankets that make you wanna fall asleep immediately. begged joel for one of those full body blanket snuggie things and he kept forgetting so she bought a matching dinosaur set with jessie and she loves it.

despite running cold her bedroom fan has not turned off in thirty years.

loves trivia. likes to play are you smarter than a fifth grader because you are NOT gonna catch her fuckin lackin.

likes mixmatched socks. her dryer is always eating half of her pairs so she grows to like it.

calls things pretentious and overrated as a joke bc she is annoying. watching a popular movie? she hates it the author is trying too hard. if she has a letterboxd she is either giving the most in depth review you’ve ever seen or a five star rating with a “cool”.

super nervous at the start of relationship yo show affection but when she’s locked in she is always on you…cuddles all the time. if you’re getting up to do something she is gripping around your waist. it’s cute until you need to go to the bathroom and she is insistent on going with you. once when she was high she told you she’d get a second toilet so you could go together 🫤

playstation girl yawn. she was hyped for elden ring then got her ass beat and didn’t play for a month before randomly deciding to finish it in two weeks.

whoever said she loves spongebob first was right…binges regular show when high. loves breaking bad. will act like she doesn’t like romance shows but if you make her watch the first episode she hasssss to finish it she can’t help ittt… sorry not sorry i’m making her watch bridgerton.

secretly watches those family guy adhd tiktoks

has a habit of watching movies through tiktok

and those space tiktok’s… comparing the gravity of different planets, what’s it’s like to fall through jupiters atmosphere.

likes orcas… watches marine life documentaries and gets emotional.

would know ur birth chart. ever forget ur big three signs? she knows. kind of scary. weird talent. doesn’t believe in astronomy buts knows every basic fact about every sign?? 😭

has two instagrams. her main is for her art and to post pictures with her friends and you. second she posts anything. and i do mean anything. will go from an introspective into idk why hoodwinked is underrated to

loves green it’s literally her color. needs some green in her dorm/apartment. thinks about this ahead of time so when she’s in middle school she starts buying tiny plants to take care of. at the start they’d die in like a week but now she has a dozen and they’re all healthy <3

bunch of posters on her bedroom walls. hates bare walls.

likes to try new hobbies every so often! is lazy about working out but when she does she gets on the treadmill and doesn’t break a sweat no matter how fast. kind of scary.

likes to go on the most random dates. you’ll be sitting on the couch and she’ll show you some random restaurant she saw on like instagram and be like let’s go. right now.

likes when you touch her hair. rest her on top of you while watching a movie and run your fingers through her hair? she’s out like a light. if you want to try different styles on it at home she will let you. doesn’t care if she has stupid looking like stubs everywhere she’s like c:

jesse told her she had a fuck ass bob once and she almost hit him :c

such a bike girl omg. i know she used to put water bottles in the back to make it sound like a motorcycle.

who first came up with that she loves spongebob because you’re so right. tried to act like she’s grown out of it but when she’s high and you’re trying to go to bed she’ll whisper “twenty five” to herself and laugh for five minutes straight.

spider-man girl because she’s cool.

pretends to hate all the dumb nicknames you give her when she does stuff. she makes a pb&j? shes now 'ellie jellie' for the rest of the week. has a stomach ache? now she gets to hear 'ellie bellie' for a month.

links for palestine, sudan, drc

[wereoz]

@cnka i wanted to reply to ur question abt my thoughts on the tsn doc on my actual post but the tags were so insanely long i was like. i need to make an actual post

SO IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

first off, wow im just so astounded by the fervent love that went into making tsn. it was a risk and so unlike other projects fincher and anyone else there had done but w/ their commitment to it it turned out SO amazingly. the fact they sat around a table and argued for hours abt how the lines fit and everyone could make their case is just. WOW!!!! they really made sure everyone understood and loved playing their characters.

erica's and christies actresses werent very common appearances like mark but they really went all in too im in AWE!! NOT TO MENTION MARYLINS WOW!! rooney mara really just. god she went so hard into making sure all of ericas kindness and leniency and frustration were so clear, she was so focused in the behind the scenes footage and obviously having so much fun <33 i love that brenda song was able to relate to christie's jealousy and fear eduardo was cheating. the fact all the actors ARE the characters ages and are as chaotic and fierce and dedicated and ambitious makes it soooo<3333 rashida jones describing marilyn as a greek chorus just watching hit SO hard. the second hand experience of this young man going through this epic tale by just hearing it thru testimony is a crazy thing. the act of listening is so simple but becomes so emotional even as everyone wants to keep it professional

on the twins: i find it so wonderful that the actors armie and josh played both twins. it just WORKS bc twins take the 'know u better than u do' that siblings have and take it to absolutely insane levels. the fact these actors have literally got access to both the twins minds takes the performance to a whole new level like those twins know each other inside and out!!!! its a meta thing that goes truly crazy.

you have already seen me say the bts of the erica and mark breakup truly kills me bc. he is being an asshole and not listening and the fact he doesn’t mean to doesn’t change that he is. she has to leave, but it’s so sad that she does bc… fincher calling him 'damaged goods' implies a universe where whatever makes him like this isnt present. where maybe he’s fine. so. GOD :’(( (i think it’s autism + the bad life experiences that come from that & being queer + the bad life experiences that come from that, heightened by the era)

on a more positive note i love that on set picking out the accessories andrew says ‘i’ when hes speaking as eduardo. he’s really dedicated to the role its great. also that he and jesse had conversations in character like these 20 year olds r crazy truly. love them for that !!

during the whole thing, everyone is so suspicious, and condemning to mark: like, noting that he is driven by ego, jesse jokes mark is okay with the cold because he doesn’t feel anything, and also, there’s a part when sorkin, fincher, andrew, and jesse are sitting around and talking about the scene where mark & eduardo argue abt ads. essentially, they make the argument that mark always says ‘i’ when eduardo says ‘we’ because in his mind, eduardo hasn’t contributed much at all. while mark is up coding for hours straight, eduardo is at some phoenix thing so? what gives?

so i was reframing my understanding of mark (which. is very indulgent cus i love him), and trying to get as close to his brain as i could and i was coming up with him generally being pretty… hard on the outside for lack of a better word. he’s not traditionally intimidating (like the script states) but its hard to crack him and you can really see this with jesse’s physicality like he’s so stiff. that’s pretty innocuous but i think this is something he uses to put distance between him and his loved ones- very frustrating. and i think every time i realise how much mark is an asshole i remember so many reasons why they added *trying to be.

when fincher called him damaged goods it’s like. the most in the doc people give him the benefit of the doubt (also sorkin saying he wanted to balance out all of mark’s character). which is pretty good because marks good traits are supposed to be very subtle and hit you when you don’t expect it. that’s very much how i felt when i suddenly remembered ‘sorry. that was mean.’ he truly is just trying to be an asshole. he wants to be nicer than he is but he also wants more power than he does and as someone who felt pretty powerless the rest of his life, that trumps the rest. he really thinks he can have both experiences, power and love, and he just hates that every time he takes a step in one direction it cancels out the other. this actually really fits in well w/ my next point

i also want to say that the fact mark videoing everyone was explained as him wanting to force proof that everything is fine, and they’re happy is making me so :(( MARK!!!! :(( he is so. i mean its two things: its the ‘i won, but did i?’ of it all. mark won the argument but its a hollow victory, being some sillicon valley titan isn’t emotionally fulfilling, it will never be enough. especially not when its costing him a good friend. the way the end is laced throughout the entire movie is so sick to me

re marks bullshit i also love how they mentioned that marks jealousy about the final clubs is more than just wanting to be in eduardo’s position its like - i thought we had some loser solidarity and now its like you’re a whole different person. its less of a horrible feeling when ur at the bottom with someone and mark feels betrayed. ofc mark doesn’t feel safe to express this emotion (bc bullied nerd boy whos probs bi in the 2000s), or doesn’t know that’s what he’s feeling, and decides it’s eduardo’s fault and freezes him out for it.

this is just off the top of my head i certainly have more and will probably talk more abt this lovely doc again :^))

[an-android-in-a-tutu]

first of all obsessed with the endverse claire...... second of all what are the other fics you mention that do that trope well bc i need to read asap

Thank you! I have more things to say about it later today hopefully so keep an eye out :)

The fics are Second Verse, Same as the First by LalaCat1 which is complete now but I haven't actually caught up with yet because I read it when it was still updating and the But Instead, we Become This series by Firebog. I am obsessed with it, but it hasn't updated since 2014 and while when I read it the author's lates word was that they planned to return to it, that was a few years ago now so it may have changed. If it ever does update I'm just going to lose it for a bit. There's companion series that I haven't deleved into, and the author does an interesting formatting thing of inserting hyperlinks to the relate fics into the text, which I didn't take advantage of the first time because I was compelled by what I was currently reading and didn't want to be distracted, but I really should reread it some day and follow along with them while I do.

I don't have as much to say about second verse, unfortunately it's got a really unique set up and I like it a lot, but I haven't finished it and it's been long enough that I'll probably need to start over again since it's not fresh in my mind, Instead we Become this stuck with me though because the author does a better job at bridging the gap between the Cas we know and Endverse Cas than I've ever seen. It's from his point of view so you get his perspective on his actions, and while you can see that externally his behaviour is a lot like he acts in endverse, his internal thought process look and feel like a more familiar version of Cas.

Also honourable mention to heard from your mother (she don't recognize you) by rupertgayes which has no Endverse Cas but instead amnesiac season 15 Cas in stanford era and I'm obsessed with it. It has two amazing fics already and what ALL of these fics have is an alive Jess which is always fun. Fridge Girlfriend Loose In The Narrative What Will She Do

[unfunky-and-out-of-time]

seeing a lot of reactions to ep 7 and as someone who has barely seen ep 4-6 i thought id be the perfect person to share my thoughts on it

this was more watchable than the other eps. tbh i am lowkey checked out w most of the character and seeing the ones i really liked become boring is a shame..... mm was my absolute fav and theres something about his arc this season that feels like his character is stagnating. when i thought his struggle in s3 was arguably one of the best arcs of the entire show! so yeah idk. that sucks

frenchie idgaffffffffffffff about i think he stopped being a good character after s2. tbh the show is generally at its strongest when it explores the dynamics between the characters and idk whats up but i think the writers this season got sick of it? its silly

^ adding to this. hughie and butchers dynamic is just completely gone..... kind of funny bc this is literally what its been about. imagine breaking bad but walt and jesse dont talk. the few dynamics they still remember feel like theyve been... declawed? mm and butcher fight but its whatever. annie and butcher disagree and who gaf they HAVE to work together (i strongly disagree with this and also i dont think the boys shouldve reunited at the end of s3 but thats another story)

i also really dislike that we havent brought up lenny in so long. he's so crucial to butchers character. i also just generally miss butcher and homelanders dynamic even if idgaf about him. that was the other central dynamic of the show imo. i miss when butcher would hallucinate homelander mocking him! i need kessler to start rolling his eyes at butcher or else....

a few specific thoughts:

ive known about butcher cheating on becca for months now and thought it was incredibly stupid and ruined a lot of his character. mulled over it for a few months and came to the conclusion that its not absolutely out of character. i do think butchers relationship with becca is his central moral guide and that he put much more on her than you should in any healthy relationship and that she was probably aware of it but definitely not to the total extent. like i always say he probably just spent hours staring at the wall waiting for her to come home when they were married. i also think he is a huge self-saboteur and i do believe becca made him want to be better (even if its not in a traditionally healthy way etc whateverrr) but i think especially with a guy like him it wasnt all very straight and nice. they must have had a lot of ups and downs and i think becca knew him as much as he let her (in s2 she says something along the lines with "this didnt start with me" and butcher also says "what was i before you? nothing") because that to me would show what made their relationship so special and central to butchers character. i do not think her death made him snap, i think her love made him hold back and believe he was content with a simple life even if that would never be the case. at the same time i think he fully believed he was completely undeserving of her love and that paired with his alcohol abuse would get to him.

"becca lied to both butcher and ryan so ryan saying she would want him to tell the truth doesnt make sense" this is kind of funny bc like..... she is allowed to be a hypocrite? and i think it makes her much more interesting for it? she was dealt absolutely shitty cards and the entire situation is unjust so pointing this out is kind of weird. she can absolutely preach one thing and do another this is literally every other character on this show

butcher and ryans dynamic is probably the only thing i have an unpopular opinion on but thats because my take on them is heavily painted by their pre s3-finale interactions and the writers chose to take a different route with them after that

[moon-ursidae]

SESSION #6

as always, SPOILERS for BOTH of the last of us games below!!!

okay so i want to finish this game before my semester starts on tuesday so i really gotta pick it up haha bc there is still SO MUCH GAME left to play. i haven’t even played as abby yet bros.

total play time: about 6 hours

scavenging is soooo satisfying

but also lonely as fuck without dina

this is probably gonna remind me of the first game of the sections when joel is without ellie and he starts goin ham

FUUUUUCK I DON’T WANNA HURT THE DOGS MAN.

that fucking sucked and i feel awful

i would not be able to live in an apocalypse i have too much empathy

ANUTHA CARD WOOO

again i love the stories being told with the collectibles. it adds so much to the world

oh my god that garage was full of infected lil fuckers

LONG GUN HOLSTER FINALLY

WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE SO MANY GODDAMN SHAMBLERS

NEW BRANCH WOOOOOO

precision?? HOW MANY BRANCHES ARE THERE GODDAMN

I’M PICKING UP ARROWS??? BOW SOON PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I’M BEGGING

oh fuuuuuuuck i feel so bad for this boris guy

i feel like he is also infected in the house i’m currently stood in

damn i was so right

BOOOOOOWWWWWWWW FUCK YEA FINALLY HOLY FUCKING SHIT I’M SO EXCITED

I CAN CRAFT ARROWS?????????

FUUUUUCK DUDE THIS IS DOPE

oh my fucking god i can shoot it while prone.

this is the best day of my life.

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OF THESE WLFS????

ohmygod i fuckin finished em

holy fuck bro

stealth is WAYYYYY too fun lmao i love it

THERE’S MORE THAT JUST GOT OUT OF A TRUCK??? UR JOKING.

OH MY GOD THERE’S SO MUCH GOING ON AND THE MUSIC IS FUCKIN C R A Z Y

WHO THE FUCK JUST GRABBED ELLIE

JESSE!!!!!!!!!!!

“you think i’d let you do this on your own?” PLEASE THEY ALL CARE ABOUT HER SO MUCH🥺

HE’S LIMPING FUUUCK

HOLY FUCK THIS IS COOL BUT ALSO CRAZY AS FUCK HOLY SHIT

A HORDE?? OH FUCK

CRASHED INTO THE WATER??? THIS IS FUCKING CRAZY DUDE

OUT OF HILLCREST DUDE WE FUCKIN MADE IT WOOOOOOO

oh shit we’re back at the theater?

i love that jesse always hits a stance where he’s leaning

i know ellie isn’t jealous of jesse but rather mad at herself for allowing these people she cares about into a plan that puts them at risk

OH FUCK ANOTHER FLASHBACK????

2 years earlier?? damn so ellie is 17 here?

“i can tell when you’re off.” “let me know if you want to talk about it.” FUUUUCK DUDE THIS IS GONNA MAKE ME CRY TOO🥺

JOURNAL TIME

MORE CAT!

ellie if everyone in jackson knows, joel probably does. he’s got a keen ear

hmmmmm dina is definitely jealous or upset if she’s avoiding you ells

ellie’s so poetic🥹

i’m gonna cry bc of how sweet tommy’s being. i feel like he’s hella underrated. i’m glad we get to see more of him in this game.

“when the barometric temperature gets to.. shit i don’t fuckin know.” LMAOOOOO

“i’m not supposed to say anything, but joel’s worried about you.” classic younger sibling energy

i would know bc it’s me. i’m the younger sibling💀

god this is fucking gorgeous.

THERE HE IS I’M GONNA CRY AGAIN

i wanna know why there’s so much fucking tension between them even before the winter dance. why is ellie distant? is it bc of cat? aftaid that joel will find out? she obviously cares what joel has to think bc she wrote it down in her journal. maybe that’s why?

tommy’s smart for pushing them together to figure out whatever the fuck is goin on rn

LMAO THE LOG BOOK “for those of you wondering, my brother’s still eating with his mouth open. -T.” LMAOOOOOOOO

AND JOEL IS READING SAVAGE STARLIGHT😭

omg i never notice the dark horse comic logo

this is fucking GORGEOUS

i miss joel😭

OMG HE’S TALKING ABOUT SAVAGE STARLIGHT W HER😭😭😭

THIS IS TOO CLOSE TO HOW ME AND MY DAD ARE IT’S MAKING ME SUPER EMOTIONAL

“need a boost?” 😭😭😭😭😭😭

“well hello” “howdy” YYYEEESSSSS

omg wait is this the fuckin patrol ellie mentioned w dina WAYYYYYYY earlier???

joel taking out that bloater??? kinda attractive

“i hear the way jesse talks about you.” damn he really does have NO idea

omg and the clicker???? also attractive

he looks so good w these graphics

if i ever get my hands on a ps5 it’s over for you bitches

“if only they were immune, right?” THE WAY HE WHIPPED HIS HEAD TO LOOK AT HER OOOOOOOOOF

FUCK man

THAT’S what’s bothering her. fuck dude.

oh shit! she’s asking him about it! oh shit!

JOEL STOP LYINNNNNGGGGGGGG

the look on her face tells me she doesn’t believe him

she doesn’t. “i’ve never met another immune person before. have you?” THE WAY HE JUST STANDS THERE FUUUUUCK MAN

“is now really the time for this?” JOEL STOP AVOIDING

“why did you pull me outta there while i was still unconscious?” THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION THO FROM HER POV

“there was no cure.” FUUUUUUUUUUUCK JOEL WHY ARE Y- GGGRRRRR

i wanna knock some sense into him but i also understand his side of it

she’s pissed. i can see it in her eyes bro she is so upset

“is there something else you’d like to rehash?” JOEL. i get that you don’t wanna talk about it man but c’mon.

DAMN. DAMN. well i wanted to know what was bothering her. i found out.

the way that ellie isn’t even fuckin flinching with these stitches speaks volumes

ellieeeeeeeeee girl please REST.

“what?” “nothing.” “good.” ELLIE.

oh my god she really is just gonna fuckin GO.

i have nothing but bad feelings about this

JOURNAL CHECK-IN

“maybe he can help us find these people more quickly. i don’t want to hear anything about turning back.” ellie. it’s consuming you ellie you gotta see that bro.

literally nothing good ever happens at night in tlou

ANUTHA CARD BABYYYY

randy styles💀

i’m ready for it to start storming bitch

what the fuck is up with scars and hanging people??

i’m concerned about this wlf hit list i found on a clickers’s body

what if they’re around here?

oh shit! there’s a not from one of the people that was in the theatre group! he talked about how he got sick and went to go get himself meds i think?

he died in the theatre though so i think this not from paige is for him

ANUTHA CARD BABYYYYY

OH SHIT A SAFE AND A CARD WOOOOO

it’s too fuckin quiet in here

WORKBENCH WOOOOO

WHAT THE FUCK????

I KNEW IT WAS TOO QUIET OH MY FUCKING GOD THAT SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME

I HEARD FOOTSTEPS AND TRIED TO CLOSE OUT BUT HE GRABBED ME

BROOOO THESE WERE THE PPL ON THE HIT LIST

WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAYYYYY

let’s try this again yea?

EXPLOSIVES BRANCH??

EXPLOSIVE ARROWS??????????

DAMN. THAT’S FUCKIN COOL. I’M GONNA WAIT THO BC I NEED MORE LISTEN DISTANCE

i feel so smart for figuring that fuckin dumpster thing out so fast

had to S P R I N T to get to that chain dude

holy fucking shit i am FAR from this hospital goddamn

i gotta say i HATE being on my own

wait is this the convention center for pax??

ANUTHA CARD BABYYYY

broooooooo arch-enemy is my fucking favorite so far like this is the the kind of character that i’m always drawn to

I WENT TO CHECK THESE DEAD BODIES, TURNED AROUND, AND GOT FUCKIN JUMPSCARED WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT???? WHAT WAS THAT??????

BEING STALKED BY A FUCKING INFECTED? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT????

tbh might end on that note bc it is almost 4am and i am losing function in my hands hahaha

i’m saying FUCK NO to that tonight hahaha

i fuckin fell asleep before i posted this last night🤦🏻‍♀️

[septembersghost]

On the one hand I get why Peter Gould didn't want to show Kim returning the finger guns and instead we get an equally heart-wrenching deep sigh like she's about to burst into tears because of course she is, he's in prison and is trying to reassure her and she's worried about him. On the other hand... Peter, honey, some people are still convinced Chuck "He'll Never Change" McGill was right all along, there's only so much you can do when a show is as devoted to the show-don't-tell rule as BCS is. And even when media does the work for you and spells things out clearly (eg, a character stating "THIS IS HOW I FEEL"), people still misinterpret things all the time. It's a bit like the Walt situation where people think he's always in the right and he was definitely doing it for his family even when he finally admits otherwise, except I do feel like Vince Gilligan in the end gives that part of the audience exactly what they want. Anyway, I don't know where I'm going with this and this ask is already getting too long, I just like reading what you have to say about the show.

i've been thinking about this a lot, especially given how many distressing responses i keep seeing about how jimmy was the villain and pure evil/trash from birth and that are convinced, as you said, that chuck was right all along, and/or that kim went to see him ruefully/in anger for the last time and walked away never intending to set eyes on him again - i admire the show for how much it leaned on subtlety and unsaid moments of depth between characters, but in the finale, i actually think peter maybe overestimated its effectiveness. there's almost...a terrible overcorrection happening where WAY too many people saw walt as still being the cool badass at the end of brba, and now too many people are interpreting jimmy oppositely here, as saul only, when neither conclusion was the intent. (it's interesting that you say you feel vince gave that part of the audience what they wanted because i don't disagree, and i don't think even he disagrees with that now. his admission that he did it for himself can easily be read as him giving skyler what she needs to hear, though it is very much the truth. i still think felina is nearly perfect in its execution, but in many respects, walt got the best ending he could have hoped to get, better by far, in fact, than many of our other characters'.)

with regards to the problem of showing and not telling being too easily misinterpreted, the flashbacks, for example - we know why jimmy is remembering specific incidents with regret and how those moments are connected, we know why jimmy can't admit true vulnerability or desires in those moments, and so he deflects and shields in all three conversations. he's not going to tell mike or walt about his regrets surrounding his brother nor how much he wants to change/improve things with kim (and while mike is forthcoming, walt notably also is not - gray matter is the easiest thing for his ego to admit is a regret because of what he's allowed that resentment to become in his head, of course he can't mention what he's done to his family, what he's done to jesse, so what we get to represent the truth is the ticking of that watch), of course jimmy doesn't sit down and stay with chuck and discuss his clients when he's struggling to barely keep them both afloat and is insecure and worried he'll be met with judgment/rejection, even before he knows the entire truth concerning how chuck feels about his legal career. and jimmy can look back on each of those moments with these men and feel contrition about how those situations all turned out, that's why we're seeing them remembered in his head, but so many people are taking them at face value and deciding they reveal the entirety of who jimmy is. someone who only cared about money. someone who only cared about the scam. someone whose relationships were merely transactional. i wish the scene flashing back to bagman was a bit different, in all honesty. this is the man who said he would never have survived, never have made it through the desert, had he not known kim was there waiting for him - and i 100% believe that when jimmy told her that, it was complete honesty from him, stripped bare of any pretense. all that mattered was getting back to her. seeing him pretend that all that mattered was the money is...really off emotionally, even as guarded as his conversations with mike are. i know it's to echo what he says about the kettleman's money in S1, but i wish we got some more interiority from jimmy there because far too much of the audience thinks what he says is all there is to him.

additionally (and i admit this is me being selfish and focused on my interests too <3), i really wish more than anything that the finale had had a flashback of he and kim before everything went so wrong, maybe even before chicanery. i don't know what it would be, but i think something intimate and kind between them would've helped the section of the audience who is still refuting their love for one another, and jimmy's true self, to understand what was going on with them at the end. i also...have this deep sorrow because i feel like we watched kim die screaming in plan and execution and then never got to see her again, only the shadow surviving of her, and there's this heavy sense of mourning i have for her even though she's alive and breathing in the room with him. i wish our last moment of them in abq wasn't the bitterness of the divorce scene. a little reminder of who she was at heart and how she really did care about helping people and how much she loved him, how much they loved and reflected and complete one another, might've given clarity for that audience too, reminding them of where she started and her potential to reclaim her agency, a path she has only just begun at the very end.

i also feel like, if we couldn't have her returning the finger guns (which i do understand! she's holding herself together there because she doesn't want to break, she doesn't want him to see her cry as she has to leave him there, and he's the one trying to reach out across that fence and show her that he's okay and that there's still something good between them - her gesture was sharing the cigarette and giving them light back, providing that hope of a spark), a flashback to jimmy and kim as they were would've been the perfect way to underscore the depth of their love story, and to give us something honest from jimmy's past. i appreciate it being open to our imaginations, but there are benefits to being clear in aspects of storytelling, and i really think that would've helped get the story's ultimate point across. something true from his time machine.

[knifelesbianjo]

i have more to say actually. hi ivi love you <3 okay so. i think one of the reasons that later seasons arent hitting as well in terms of comedy (for me, at least), is that the antics are largely off screen. they allude of antics and dont SHOW us them as much as they used to. instead we are getting more episodes of them bonding as a group. and while i think this takes away from the comedy, it is definitely intentional and i think it is more proof of. how they are intentionally moving towards more meaningful story lines. i am thinking specifically of the charlies dad ireland episodes where mac gets to be gay, dennis is sick, and charlie gets one of thee most heart wrenching moments in the entire show. the antics are lessening and its SO meaningful. even the poop bit is somewhat meaningful (i hate saying that) because it's proof that frank is aging and i kind of hope they have an episode about it. not just frank-antics (frantics, if you will). GOD I WANT A MEANINGFUL DEE EPISODE SOOOOO BAD. the women and gays deserve a good dee episode soooooo badly. i want her to kill someone like. okay now i am writing fanfiction here. i want an episode to open on her covered in blood with a comically huge knife (blood on her face and mouth as a call back to the cannibal episode maybe?) and the gang thinks she murdered someone, but in the end its actually because she ate a girl out on her period and they had some kinky knifeplay sex. manifesting it. ummmmm. what else can i burden you with. thats it. for now. (threat)

hii Jess, love you too <3 and putting this under a cut bc it got too long

okay this is very interesting and I think you're probably right, tho i can't actually properly comment on it bc i haven't really analyzed the show as a whole to see the actual difference that you mention, bc they did also make emotional and bonding episodes in the past, but i agree that I do think the show is getting more serious and more about the feelings of the characters, bc I feel like even if they don't have an intention of ending right now, they know they are getting to an end and so it's time to start seeing the impact of the things they have lived. It's time to finally go somewhere (like it's insane that they did the Charlie's dad thing, that was an unresolved plot since s2!!!!! since the beginning!!! and they closed it!!!) they are literally bringing their recurring themes to the surface, and so macdennis.

and I so I do think we will see also the meaningful side of frank and dee, and it is gonna make me cry. (btw 'frantics' hello I love your brain skdjskd)

now I don't have much thoughts about frank (tho I would argue that we have started seeing his emotional side with the whole charlie thing) but I do about dee (my love 😍). Now objectively I think Dee's plot is going to be about acting, something will happen that will get her to realize she has to stop trying to be an actress, and that process will also be about her need of approval. I don't think she's going to get 'fixed' (there's nothing to fix, she's perfect) but it will be about dealing with all that. That's my bet, but i'm open to them surprising me, it would not be the first time. Now what do I want from Dee's plot?? lesbianism. kissing a girl will fix dee!!!! and also it will drive mac and dennis (for different reasons) INSANE, so the comical potential is right there!! like people always talk about 'how gay the show is' and only mention the guys (bc yeah they are gay) and dee gets ignored when she has a very clear queercoding that drives me insane!!! like she wants to kiss women so bad it makes her look stupid, bc she's also stupid and doesn't know she wants to kiss women!!!! I'm kicking and biting just by thinking this, rcg stop being so stupid!!!! 🔪🔪

and so in relation to all this, HELLO I LOVE YOUR IDEA!!!! first I'm so much more into the joke being that dee (or Charlie btw) is a killer than dennis, so this is already perfect. and second just your brain!!! the call back to the cannibalism, the idea of the whole thing happening bc they just don't talk to her and ask her but go behind her back to unravel everything, the knife!!! and obviously the lesbianism!! and also love that as a way of revealing the queer dee plot, like I love it being a big deal for dee bc it's important, but also it would be hilarious if she has just always known but never like commented it of made a big deal of it bc she knows the gang doesn't care kskdkdjdkd

[aenaxes]

congrats on 200 my dear!!! i’m so happy i found your writing and look forward to being better friends!!! anywho, the celebration must commence! 🍾 🎉💕 ily!!

for requests, i gotta go w my main man, my first clone love, the darling hardcase (i swear he doesn’t get enough love) 💕 we’re both touch starved adhd fools who love a little too much sometimes and i just wanna smother him w my 🐱 in all the affection he deserves. if you’re up for it, maybe some soft smut for your local bottom? 🥺 i’ve been wanting to get a tattoo that matches his facial markings and wonder how he’d react to seeing it during a gentle moment between the two of you. my pronouns are she/they & i’m 5’6, and i have dark green hair + blue eyes.

you and me & me and you

[hardcase x afab!reader] there is little permanence, and all of them are fleeting, in a war that tips its scales with each new dawn. so while hardcase is away, you decide you’ll carve out your own constant between you and him, and him and you.

warnings: tattoos, unprotected vaginal sex, mushy gooey feelings pt.2

w/c: 2.8k

a/n: my love for hardcase grows day by day, and every day i wake up and cry a little bit because he isn’t real. but it's ok bc ily jj and you're very much real 💕

Seldom do you find Hardcase stunned into complete silence.

Stillness shared between you and Hardcase, rare as those moments may be, is never truly silent. Tackling each other onto the couch, stealing late-night speeder joyrides, sharing the kind of banter that doubles you over so hard your ribs sting for hours afterwards—the energy, the light, linger in the spaces left behind.

But this time, Hardcase simply stares, jaw slack and eyes wide as your fingers curl over the lifted hem of your shirt. No wisecrack quip, no teasing wink, not even so much as a low whistle as you tug your shirt over your head and drop it behind you, straddling his lap over the edge of the bed.

Eyes full of stars, he gawks.

“You—those’re my—hm, okay, wow, uh, hah—” Hardcase’s voice pitches high as his lips open and close around half-formed words.

You watch the whole spectacle as he gasps like a landed fish, grasping for wisps of coherence. And you can’t help the giggle that rises from your throat when he forgoes words entirely and trails off into a breathless half-whimper half-laugh.

“Can I—” he says at last, and his voice cracks hoarse through his sputtering attempt to regain what little composure he had. “Can I touch it?”

At your nod, Hardcase reaches forwards just enough that his fingertips barely brush over your chest. You don’t dare look down to where his calloused fingers meet the skin above your ribs, too afraid that if you take your eyes from Hardcase’s face for even a single heartbeat that you might miss a precious moment of the awestruck wonder in his expression. You find yourself as transfixed as he as you watch him trace the trio of royal blue ink arcing down your sternum and tapering off into twin circles that cradle the curve of your chest.

It’s what this whole evening has been leading up to—your grand reveal kickstarted by his signature lung-crushing hug on the hangar bay. You had braced for it harder than usual when he’d swept you into his arms and lifted you off the dusty platform steel, readying for the particularly bruising ache that comes with the week-old ink needled over the base of your ribs.

To be fair, it wasn’t possible to greet Hardcase without creating some sort of commotion. Even if it was just shy of a week on planetside escort duty, once the gunship was within a metre of the dusty landing bay durasteel, landing protocols be damned, Hardcase would hit the ground running, tossing his helmet behind him and swooping you into his arms. The sheer, unadulterated joy of reunion always found home in how he squeezed you around your middle and spun you about; it was always worth the solid smack over the back of his head (stern, from Rex and, gleefully, from Jesse) for throwing his bucket aside.

But when you had met him with more of a pained grunt than your usual tittering exclamation, Hardcase had dropped you so quickly you’d almost fallen backwards if not for his reflexes to steady you. When he’d stumbled over wide-eyed apologies (and braced past Jesse’s open-palmed whap over his head), you had only laughed and told him to wait until after you had run inventory with Rex.

His fingers finally pause their slow trace over the tattoo on your chest. He feels, sees himself, an emblem on your skin. And when he looks up, he sees you.

“Tats are sore for a bit, ‘Case,” you smile. His eyes are so wide you’re certain if you look just a little more, you’d see yourself in him. You and he, he and you, the same, the same, one. “‘s why I flinched a little.”

Hardcase’s lips open and part around soundless words a few more times, still floating in some limbo between processing disbelief and boundless excitement before he unevenly clears his throat and finally speaks.

“You—you got me inked on you?” Hardcase whispers. Each word has the corners of his lips curling higher as if he had to speak into realization what stood before him; as if his fingertips pressing tender divots into your skin were proof only of the flesh: a universal truth that only needed words to find home in his heart.

You nod, grinning.

“Wanted to have a part of you with me for while you’re away.”

And for a moment, Hardcase’s fingers are the only motion in a still room, stroking soft, repetitive motions over the blue ink of your—his—tattoo.

You silently brace for something loud and present, excited rambling, another crushing hug, affection swept wide and open before you. Instead, Hardcase lets free a single breathless huff and tugs you close.

“You know those are forever, right?” he laughs, his voice rising again.

“That’s why I got it,” you respond, and his laughter only grows brighter.

Hardcase buries his nose into your chest with a groan, and that precious crest of joy bursts over your tongue when you throw your head back and laugh. Gilded and honeyed light finds home in your chest.

“Mesh’la, I need you so bad right now,” Hardcase groans as he brings his arms snug around your waist. And his laughter joins yours this time, voices swelling together when Hardcase rests his brow against your skin and pulls you in close. You make quick work of the rest of your clothes, throwing them somewhere off to the bedside before you sit back down over the firm lines of his thighs.

“I mean, yeah, I sure hope so—was the whole point ‘Case,” you tease, and Hardcase groans, carrying something of breathless disbelief and affection and desire curled into a single whimpering sound.

And as soon as you’re squeezing over his shoulders, suddenly, you feel your gravity tilt, and you yelp as your back connects with the bedspread.

Hardcase cages you under him, one arm propped by your head as the other slips from beneath the small of your back and trails its way back to the centre of your chest, hovering just at the edges of your tattoo. He lingers, treading those shallow waters for a moment more. But where you expect the familiar drag of his blunt nails over the bold lines of blue ink, he dips low. Instead, you gasp when his fingers are replaced by his lips, warm, inviting, home as he presses a single, lingering kiss over the sigil branded into your skin.

“‘Case!” you giggle and kick out your legs at the sudden flick of his tongue over your chest. You feel him laugh into your skin, his breath wisping over where his lips just brush over the edges of the tattoo.

He ghosts one more touch, drawn long and yet chaste in how he nuzzles the tip of his nose into your chest. And the bubbling laughter of before wanes, complete, when he lifts his chin and meets you with the hushed whispers of a smile on his parted lips.

Because it’s him, finding home over the base of your ribs.

It’s him, reflected back into his wide eyes.

It’s you.

He doesn’t surge up to meet you. He doesn’t kiss you with that unabashed brilliance that crushes your lips together so hard your teeth clack. The breath catches in your throat as you watch him move in silence. There is no overexuberant joy when Hardcase shifts higher up on the bed to meet your eyes and slowly runs his thumb over your lower lip. Even then, his touch is so achingly still, deliberation held close and savored slow.

He blinks once, dark eyes full of the soft light only privy to early mornings and late nights when you curl close and bask in each other, bared and whole. You grant his request without hesitation.

Starting low, your fingers smooth over the faded lines of blue tattooed over Hardcase’s chin, the same sigils you keep as your own. Well worn and faded until the line between ink and skin disappeared entirely, the tattoos beneath your fingertips are nothing and everything like yours. You trace higher, following the crest of his lip, the high line of his cheekbone, the dip just beneath his eye where his tattoo begins anew.

He closes his eyes and lets your touch trail over his lashes until your fingers slope over his temple and still over the base of his head. And when he dips his head low, you meet him in the middle, catching his upper lip between yours as he slips one hand between you and thumbs over your tattoo. That touch anchors you as much as you think it must do the same for him, pulling you close and keeping you there while you lick over his lips and breathe him in deep.

Through the warmth heavy in your gut, you feel him slide his other hand down your side, over the contour of your hip, and lift your leg up against him. You hook your leg over the small of his back and tug awkwardly, sending him stumbling forwards, crushing his hand between your chests as he dips down and narrowly catches himself.

No amount of awkward maneuvering breaks the rosy air between you, even as you both tear away from each other to stifle the kind of laughter that lingers.

“This okay?” he murmurs over the waning sigh of a low chuckle, voice warm on your skin and drunk with your taste. He nudges his hips forward, sending a shiver shocking up your spine when you feel his cock brush up against the swell of your cunt.

“Always, Hardcase,” you whisper.

As soon as the words leave your lips, you barely have enough time to suck in another breath before you’re stuttering on your own tongue. The tension slumps out of your shoulders as Hardcase digs his fingertips into your thigh and presses forwards, stretching you out around him in the way only he knows how, setting fire to your nerves and coming home all at once.

No matter how many times you kneel before ritual—habit coming to you as natural and comforting as breath itself—you still find yourself slack-jawed and starry-eyed as Hardcase pushes into you.

That it’s the first time in his four month tour that he’s able to pull you apart and hold you together only makes it better.

It takes all of one long, shuddering exhale for him to push into you in full. The breath you share breaks that stillness, a gasping inhale as his hips connect with the soft curve of your thighs and has the blunt head of his cock nudging so deep in you that you swear you feel the pulse at the base of your ribs, right where your tattoo swells with your whimpering.

Hardcase drops forward with a groan, blindly twining his fingers with yours and leaning down to press his forehead close against yours.

You don’t have to open your eyes to see him as you squeeze his hand. The bridge of his nose flush against yours, you bask, exchanging the warmth of breath over the little space between your lips. With his brow pressed into yours, he surrounds you, warmth, warmth, warmth, a setting sun and the grass it kisses still glowing in its wake. He rolls his hips forwards and swallows your wailing moan with his tongue.

Hardcase starts slow, setting a pace that has you feeling every long drag inside you as he draws back then crushes back up against the soft spot inside you that curls your toes. It’s a far cry from the excitement of a welcome back or rendezvous reunion, swapping giddy haste to savor instead, to melt over his tongue as Hardcase slips his free arm under your hips and tugs you impossibly close.

Through the blissed-out tears beaded over your lashes, you can just make out his expression, tense with cresting pleasure, as he leans back and admires you, stretched out before him. And when your legs jerk this time, there is no achingly deep pressure of his cock heavy inside you—only his lips over the centre of your chest as he bows low and kisses your tattoo again, again, laying and sealing claim above the rapid flutter of your heart.

You squeeze his hand, and he lifts his chin to meet your hazy eyes with his own, full with intent, desire, the kind of loyalty transcendent above anything he could ever swear to his generals, to his cause. He squeezes back.

You drop your head back onto the bed when he picks up his pace again, moving his free hand out from under you to stroke his thumb over your clit and smearing the mess of your arousal and his precome over where you stretch around him. Chest heaving, you can only sob and grip tight around his neck as he leans back over you and nuzzles his nose into your collar.

It’s getting harder and harder to tell your breaths apart from his after one stuttering thrust gives way to another. The steady tenderness of before bows under the fizzling heat in your stomach, giving in to rawer need as Hardcase’s movements over your clit fumble erratic. He snaps his hips against yours and drives up hard against your pleasure, mumbling unknowable words under his breath. Desperate for more, you shift back to meet what thrusts you can.

When he leans forwards again, his brow unsteadily knocks against your nose before he can nuzzle over your forehead and press close. You might have laughed, taken the moment to catch your breath over the clumsiness of affections swelling high. But you’re too busy chasing your own pleasure, too enamored with the wet friction of his throbbing cock sliding into your cunt.

Hardcase comes first, thundering rigid through him as he buries his nose at the juncture of your neck and bites down over his own teeth, his jaw flexing against your skin. His tension spreads through you, holds you by your breath and seizes the mounting want in your stomach tight with each heavy spurt of come he grinds into you.

You nose up against his temple—a silent plea for touch even deeper than you already feel it—and he indulges you. Hazy in the aftershocks of his orgasm, Hardcase lifts his head from your collar and crushes his lips against yours. He breathes in your heaving exhales as he kisses you, all open-mouthed warmth coaxing your pleasure.

“So lucky,” Hardcase mumbles, his puffing exhales over your lips matching every thrust into your dripping cunt. “Maker, I’m so fuckin’ lucky.”

Before you can strain some half-hearted tease in response, you’re too delirious on your rousing high. All you can manage is a soundless cry that shocks straight to the white-hot heat welled low in your stomach. Hardcase rolls his calloused thumb over your clit one last time and pulls your orgasm heady and low beneath him.

Pleasure bursts over your tongue, thrumming through you hard enough you swear you black out. Nothing but paralyzing and indulgent sensation shocks through you. There is only Hardcase’s presence to anchor you to the moment in the most intimate signs of life: shared breath, fingers laced tight with yours, lips mouthing words that need neither name nor sound to find warmth at the bottom of your chest.

And when the moment subsides and the ringing in your ears fades, you open your eyes to him, glowing with exhaustion but beaming down on you all the same.

“Maker’s really lookin’ out for me,” Hardcase says at last, brushing his fingertips over the sweat beaded at your temple.

“Yeah?”

You tug him closer against your chest (as well as you can with the tremble in your arms). He follows your lead as you feel him softening inside you, and he settles his nose close over your tattoo, just beneath your beating heart.

“I mean, whatever it is, it got me you.”

“You got me you, ‘Case,” you say. Though the air between you is far from the kind of existential solemnity that demands silence, your attempt to laugh comes only as a soft whisper, hushed as your lips brush over the crown of his head.

Because whatever was up there, pulling those galactic tides and willing life into the universe, even if it had tied those fine red strings strong and true between you and the man curled around you, it didn’t matter. At the end of the day, it was you and him, brought together in a headfirst collision in the cold steel halls of a Jedi cruiser and bound tight over shy planetside advances and cheesy dates.

“Then I got you, and you got me?” Hardcase chuckles, lifting his head and meeting your fond gaze.

“Just us,” you laugh.

Hardcase makes a soft noise of affirmation, his arms pulling snug around your middle. He nuzzles close skin over skin, and when he kisses over your tattoo, the sting of ink and needles fades into a distant memory unknown—all worth the trembling touches he presses over the place you’ve carved out for him alone.

Maybe the Maker helped along the way, but it’s always been you and him, him and you.

[unalivejournal]

u mentioned only reading kripke era fic do you have a reclist 👀👀👀and if not could you link some of ur faves cuz the stuff that gets circulated the most right now is all like late late seasons fic and kripke era is my favorite too but im having trouble finding that many fics for it or even seasons 6-10 era which im fine with also. its just that like. the last five seasons were so bad that it makes fic generally worse too because people have to jump off of just Thee stupidest plot choices no matter how good their prose skills might be. but anyway yea if u have recs that would be awesome :)

hi anon i was thinking abt making a reclist and u just gave me the perfect excuse thank u

jess adamilligan’s kripke era fic recs

from making this ive learned that i never bookmark ANYTHING. sorry all of these r like….. 10k and under. i DO read longer fic but i don’t have any kripke era longfics bookmarked & tbh i prefer short oneshots

season one gen

disclaimer because it’s unfortunately needed: NONE of these are w*ncest! they’re all completely tagged as gen and i did not read them with the intent of consuming ship content.

Coaster Park by fogsrollingin, 10.4k, G, gen

Coaster Park had been experiencing an unusually high frequency of technical difficulties. Dean wouldn't have pulled a shift treating nauseated, heat-stroked, or dehydrated park-goers for that if he could've helped it, but when 'technical difficulties' were accompanied by rumors of things moving and stopping on their own in front of the operators' eyes, Dean had to throw down.

No historical tragedies or disasters in the area, ectoplasm, or EMF. Dean's only lead was a battered-looking kid that'd been coming to the park every day since it'd all started.

really interesting au fic! slightly ‘it’s a terrible life’. dean winchester is a hunter/EMT and sam wesson is a college kid destined to die on a roller coaster ride.

two basic motivating forces by sahwen, 7.8k, T, gen

He can’t cry, it’s not allowed; even as a child he was hushed into silence, whether his tears were from a long car ride or a late night or a raging fever. It’s never been an option, it’s never been an available outlet, and it’s not about to start being one just because he’s having an emotional breakdown on the bathroom floor.

Sam isn't only afraid of clowns.

BIG emetophobia tw (both for graphic depictions of nausea/vomiting and for the fact that this fic is about sam suffering from emetophobia) for this one but it’s my favorite sickfic. portrays anxiety over getting sick really well and is a fascinating examination of the different ways that sam’s fear of loss of control can manifest itself. also has lovely brothers content <3

Let’s Start at the Very Beginning (Remix of Just as Easy as 123) by nwspaprtaxis, 4k, T, gen

Dean’s functionally illiterate and Sam’s determined to remedy it...

PLEASE READ THIS ONE god it’s so sweet. dean never learned how to read properly due to his nomadic childhood and sam teaches him how.

dean/cas

Broadway Musical by Griftings, 9k, M, m/m

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle.

The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at.

Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

somewhat of a fandom classic and the humor holds up wonderfully. a very silly fic completed with commentary from angel radio throughout the entire thing.

Sappiest Season by dollsome, 2.7k, G, m/m

In which Dean and Cas have to stop an evil Christmas tree (like you do), and it requires a little fake couple action.

hilarious little s5ish fic. one of the first i read when getting back into spn. i don’t want to spoil anything but this is my favorite pick me up and i still giggle randomly whenever i think about it

The (Mostly Accidental) Courtship of Dean Winchester by tuesday

Angelic marriage rites were never intended to go quite like this.

another fandom classic. ik this one is recced a lot but how could i NOT include it. dean and cas get married (mostly by accident) and they’re huge cunts about it

the one thing in the galaxy god didn't have his eyes on by prufrock, 2.4k, T, gen + m/m

“Wait,” Dean says. “Let me get this right. You can fly, right—you can teleport—but you can’t drive a car?”

or, after the events of S5E03 "Free to Be You and Me," Dean teaches Cas to drive. Cas finds it stressful

im always a sucker for a good ftbyam fic. also i can’t drive so. resonation

So Says The Sword by komodobits, 85k, E, m/m

The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’

Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected.

NO introduction neede. i think everyone on spntumblr has read this already but still. if you haven’t then i am demanding that you read it NOW. tbh i’m just adding this one so that i have at least one long fic here 😭

the weight by @myaimistrue, 3.5k, T, gen + m/m

“Do you…” Bobby sighs. “Listen, Dean, do you have something you wanna tell me?”

It’s the conversational equivalent of being punched in the stomach.

Or, Dean works through some things with Bobby's help.

WHEN I SAW THE USERNAME I GASPED I HAD NO IDEA THIS WAS U. anyway i Love coming out fics idk why i just do. the world is ending and dean comes out to bobby

canticles by 2street2car, 10.3k, T, m/m

“But you know something? If I couldn’t get you laid, at least I gave you a good first date.”

feat: footsies at a Ruby Tuesday, stargazing, the recreation of an iconic "Dirty Dancing" scene (no, not that one—the other one), and practicing for When You're With A Girl.

another ftbyam fic that skepticalfrog (i believe?) recommended a while back. made me feel at least 28 new emotions

Epilogue by JayneL, 28k, E, m/m

Bobby is here, swearing somewhere above and behind him; and Dean is here, talking about 2014 like it's a foreign country; and Sam is here, and is not Lucifer. Which means-- Bobby is here, swearing somewhere above and behind him; and Dean is here, talking about 2014 like it's a foreign country; and Sam is here, and is not Lucifer. Which means--

Cas is no longer when he was. Lucifer sent him back.

Coda to 'The End'.

2014 cas gets sent back to 2009, feelings ensue etc. i don’t remember all the details of this one bc it’s been a while but it’s really good

bonus

currently reading

Fragile As We Lie by perilously, 11k, E, f/f

Dragging Bela Talbot out of perdition isn't so much a decision as it is a frantic choice based on gut instinct. Her soul is bright, if fractured, and Anna yearns to do good again after the perversion of free will that immediately preceded her death.

Bela's no ordinary human, though; she's prickly and damaged and beautiful, and Anna doesn't want to leave her side. So maybe they can figure out how to navigate post-resurrection, post-Apocalypse-that-wasn't Earth together.

[phantomphangphucker]

Phic Phight - The Weird Little Shit

For: @darks-ink

A class discussion held by Wes about Danny’s weirdness was never not going to be an absolute cluster fuck

Wes smacks the board, “alright, fuckers, thank you for coming-”.

“We’re only here because we lost a bet”.

“Shut up, Dash. You shouldn’t have to be strong-armed into learning the truth”. Everyone rolls their eyes at Wes pretty actively. “Anyway, since you all refuse to see or even listen to the truth of what Danny Fenton is. Instead, this. Weird shit about Danny Fenton one oh one”.

Dash snorts, “now this I can get behind, little shit weighs, like, ten pounds or some shit”. Wes points at him aggressively, “exactly”. Scribbling down ‘weighs less than a sack of potatoes' on the board. Star throwing in her two cents, “yeah and I’ve seen Sam just pick him up under her arm and run off”.

Brittney smacks her desk, “half the time he makes food directly in home ec it’s fucking cold, which ew, but also really weird”.

“Oh yeah he does that with his drinks too. He whole ass ‘drank’ a solid chunk of ice, major power move honestly”.

“And remember that snowball fight? I don’t think he ever actually made any snowballs, he just kept acquiring them”.

“Kid made for a great air conditioner when all the windows got stuck shut though; guy runs cold as fuck”.

Wes is just aggressively scribbling more down with a mildly manic grin.

“We should totally invite him to parties so he can keep the fucking beer cold”.

Dash laughs loudly and smacks Dale on the arm, “now there’s an idea!”, deadpanning, “still not inviting freaky Fenton though”. Dale chuckles very awkwardly.

“Well he’s an ice sculptor so that’s not surprising”.

“What the fuck do you mean ‘ice sculptor’? He clearly lifts weights in his spare time”.

“Oh yeah, he lowkey picked up the back end of my car once”.

“James, your car is a tiny little piece of shit. I could lift that damn thing”.

“Hey”.

“Anyway. Like I was saying, people who handle cold shit all the time, you know, like ice sculptors, usually have cold hands”.

“He lifts weights! Not ice sculpts!”.

“Here I though he was a painter”.

“Why the fuck would he be doing that?”.

“Well he’s always randomly splattered in green paint”.

Basically everyone pauses to look at Hanna. Kwan blinking, “the green is ectoplasm, duh”. Emilie shrugging and nodding, “everyone knows that”.

“Well I thought it was paint”.

“Well you’re clearly stupid”.

“Shut up”.

Dash waves everyone off, “so clearly not a painter or weight lifter, because have you seen his goddamn noodle arms?”.

“He lifts weights!”.

“No he doesn’t!”.

“Who cares! Have you seen his dad? Of course he’s a strong little shit! What really gets me is him getting out of locked rooms”.

“Oh he whole ass climbs out windows and shit”.

“All that ecto that gets on his skin makes his hands all sticky, hence why he can climb the side of buildings”.

“When the heck did you see him doing that?”.

“Oh I totally saw him showing off knife swallowing to some elementary kids”.

“I think he hangs out and does drugs or some shit on the roof”.

“So he climbs up the school building to do drugs? Why wouldn’t he just use the hidden steps like a normal person?”,

“I’m pretty sure the kitchen staff actually include him in their budget for missing utensils cause he eats so many of them”.

“Julie, no one’s saying Danny’s close to normal. Also kids got an iron stomach damn”.

Dash has to jump in there, “I totally made him eat my underwear once”. Earning him a round of judging glances. “What? I didn’t expect him to actually do it. I was planning to mock him for pussying out. But then the little fucker went and did it”.

“Power move”.

“Shut up”.

“You fed your underwear to a guy who builds guns?”.

“Excuse me but what?”.

“Maybe him doing so much dangerous shit is why his heartbeats all slow and stuff”.

“Again, excuse?”.

“Well we totally tested everyone’s heart rates and breathing and shit and he’s super low. He blamed his corn supper”.

“That’s stupid”.

“His corn supper had teeth, Todd”.

“Back to the gun making because what?”.

“FentonWorks is a weapon company what do you expect?”.

“James, he made a shotgun out of a pencil, two toothpicks, an elastic band, and a snapped in half penny. The thing was magically welded together”.

“You can’t weld a fucking pencil. It’s wood, moron”.

“Well it was goddamn wielded”.

Wes grumbles, “yeah he welded my binder zipper together once, stupid pyrokinesis”. Star glares at him, “I thought this wasn’t about your crazy conspiracy crap?”. Wes glares at her like she’s stupid.

“Ignoring Wes being crazy again. You guys do know he has laser beam lipstick right? He could totally weld stuff with that”.

“Didn’t he have a tail that one day?”.

“Huh?”.

“That lipstick of his is the plasma peach one right? Because girl I so need some, it makes amazing blush”.

“Oh no a dog just crawled under his shirt. I think he was trying to hide the treats or some shit?”.

“Fucking where? in his shoulder blades?!?”.

“Oh my god that’s right, he can totally pop all his joints out so probably yeah”.

“Since when could he do that? Better yet, why? Fucking ow”.

“His fingers also glow green when he cracks them”.

“Right Right I remember that! We also got him under a black light, totally wild”.

“I wish I could pop out my joints randomly”.

“He probably just eats glow sticks and they leaked into his joints and shit”.

“THAT MAKES NO SENSE”.

“Who cares, take him to a rave”.

“Oh my god yes he does amazing makeup”.

“Wait Fenton does makeup now too?”.

Wes points at Dash, “he’s got to cover up the dead parlour to his skin somehow”. With half the class shouting, “HE’S NOT DEAD”.

Emilie pursing her lips, “but what if he was, that would be hot”.

“EXCUSE ME!?!”.

“Oh get off your vanilla basic bitch high horse, Karen”.

Wes rubs his forehead, “not this shit again”. Smacking the board, “weird shit about Fenton, people! Not y’alls weird necrophilia fetish!”.

“Hey that’s just Emilie”.

Jesse looks genuinely offended, “bitch what? Have you seen a ghost? That glow? Mmmmmh yeah, daddy”.

Star chokes, “oh my god. I love our town”.

Wes sighs, “I should just start blocking you people from seeing ghosts at all. Cover those eyes until you stop BEING FUCKING BLIND”.

“Eyes never stop seeing, they just get covered”.

“NO! NO! BAD!“.

“That weirdly reminds me that Danny can totally walk with his eyes closed”.

“That’s weird how?”.

“How ‘bout you fucking try it then!”.

Dash shrugs, “well his eyes go glowy green all the time so no surprise he can just see through his eyelids”. More than a few people look to him, “why did you not add that to the weird list?”.

“Because it’s not weird”.

“Dash... do you know anyone with goddamn glowing eyes... besides ghosts”.

“Uhhh the entire Defect Quartet”.

“Excuse?!?”.

“Honestly him biting open pop-cans is weirder”.

“Oh god yeah, that’s horrible to hear”.

“He dead ass cut his lip up once doing that and just... kept doing it. There was blood all over his neck”.

“Why the heck didn’t anyone take an edgy aesthetic photo of that? Goddamn”.

“I feel like this is more an off-the-books class on discovering that Danny might actually be hot”.

“You wanna say Fenton’s hot again? I’ll goddamn choke you, motherfucker”.

“Do it you fake ass bear dom”.

A couple of people shuffle out of their desks and away when Dash actually throws a punch at Jasper.

“On a side note, once saw Danny sleeping in a trash can”.

“How is that weird”.

“How isn’t it? It’s a trashcan”.

“And he’s trash, your point”.

“YOU'RE GONNA HAVETA HIT HARDER IF YOU WANT TO MAKE AN IMPRESSION ON YOUR TWINK BOY! HE’S DURABLE AS FUCK!”.

“FUCK YOU!!!”.

“Huh, he did survive falling from the ceiling multiple times and that drowning once”.

“Fucker wasn’t drowned, he can breathe underwater”.

“Excuse me?”.

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?!”.

Dash snapping his head around, “IM TEACHING HIM A LESSON!”. Jasper just smirks, “I DON’T NEED BREATH PLAY TIPS FROM YOU!”. Dash tries punching him again.

“This is ridiculous, I mean really, Danny would be the dom”. That silenced the entire room.

“What?”.

“Come on, he ate Skulker once ‘cause the guy was coping him an attitude”.

“DANNY EATS GHOSTS?!?”.

Wes turns around and slams his head on the board, “God fuck this is such a cluster fuck”.

“You’re hosting this and holding us hostage here”.

“YOU’RE NOT MY HOSTAGES! YALL LOST A BET!”.

“Oh suck my toes”.

“WHAT?!”.

“While Wes loses his mind for the fifth time this week, what we’ve got is he’s icy as shit, likes welding and makeup and ice sculptures and weight lifting, weighs fuck all, just vores goddamn everything, and climbs shit weirdly well?”.

“You’re forgetting all the glow shit”.

“HA! Glowing shit”.

“Fuck Todd, you are a dumbass”.

“IN SHORT LOCAL ELDRITCH TEEN BUT HE’S STILL NOT A GODDAMN GHOST WES!”

“FUCK YOU! IT’S SO GODDAMN OBVIOUS HOW ARE YOU PEOPLE LIKE THIS OHMYGOD!”.

Just then Danny Fenton opens up the door, the class going dead silent while he glances around slowly. Him looking to the whiteboard, then slowly back to his fellow teens, speaking “Oh no. Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no”, while slowly backing out and closing the door.

At first, no one says anything before Star snickers, “pffft”; the entire classroom bursting out into laughter directly afterwards.

Wes turning around and smacking his head on the board once again, “why. Just. Why me”.

END.

Prompt: Wacky reveals (ex: Danny drying up too quickly bc intangibility, Danny's drink stays cool way too long, people's electronic devices are always more charged when they've been near Danny, etc)

[football-rambles]

One Direction Album Series!: Football Edition

I thought of this, on the way home from work one evening and a song came on and I thought of an idea. So I thought I could do a one direction series of a few songs that are personally my favs because I forgot how much One Direction had (because boybands I usually refer to is my 90s boybands bc classics). So, this will go on for the next couple of months. I’m not putting a time limit on it, it can be a mixture of long, short, blurb type imagines-oneshots based on a certain lyric or the whole. So feel free to request. I am writing over the next week and half of next to queue ready for when I go away. as always any questions please ask.

The list will be under read more: for the imagines you can find who I write for Here. also reminder I don’t do smut at the moment.

*if you want to request a song I missed off the list, please feel free to request but I may not get to it asap. I also will be writing my other writings outstanding and my reputation collab series.

Up All Night:

Gotta Be You - Jesse Lingard

More than This -

Up All Night - Mason Mount

I Wish -

Tell Me A Lie - Mason Mount

Taken - Luke Shaw

Same Mistakes - TAA

Save you Tonight -

Stole your Heart - Declan Rice

Moments -

Take Me Home

Last First Kiss - Jack Grealish

Change My Mind -

I Would -

Over Again - Declan Rice

They Don’t Know About Us - Ben Chilwell

Summer Love - Mason Mount

She’s not Afraid -

Loved you First - Jadon Sancho

Midnight Memories

You & I - Marcus Rashford

Don’t forget Where You Belong - 

Strong - DCL

Little Black Dress - Jack Grealish

Little White Lies - Jordan Henderson

Better than Words -

Does he Know? -

Four

Where do Broken Hearts go - Tyrone Mings

Night Changes - Conor Coady

Spaces - Mason Mount -

Made in the AM

Perfect - Jack Grealish

Infinity - Jack Grealish

End of the Day - Mason Mount

What a Feeling - DCL

Love you Goodbye - Christian Pulisic

History - Jack Grealish

Temporary Fix - Mason Mount

Wolves -

A.M -

Home -

Strike and Italic means published.

Bold still needs choosing

[emersonfreepress]

ok ok in the spirit of community, how would the ros fair in a paintball war?

(referring to this ask! like the zombie au post this ended up making me think a lot 😅)

ohh... interesting, interesting... p sure the only paintball wars i’ve really seen were the ones featured in The League, Peep Show, and Community... but let me wrack my lil head...

ok, i ended up coming at this from multiple angles like the zombie au post 😅 always so much to consider in battle environments! and in the spirit of community, I'll stick with the individual player elimination style paintball match. in the woods with other e prep seniors. last one standing wins bragging rights

Gabe

Shooting skill | 6/10 - Experience with shooting and practice with Kile ofc

Stealthiness | 8/10 - He's done a fair amount of sneaking around during his after school activities, is super observant (or just paranoid lol), and naturally light on his feet. Good luck ambushing him.

Strategy | 8/10 - Strike deals. Do favors. Form alliances. Shoot 'em in the back once they’ve outlived their usefulness. ...What? It’s just paintball.

How does he win? | Graciously. Gabe likes winning, and especially via strategic manipulation, so it puts a smile on his face. And he's in a good mood so he treats a bunch of you to ice cream or smth 👀

How does he lose? | Slumps in frustration at being outwitted or taken off-guard, sulks about it for a little while. He's not that sore of a loser but needs time to lick his wounds and stop thinking of the different choices he could have made.

Kile

Shooting | 9 - The most accurate shooter of the cast and easily one of the best shots at E Prep. Lots of practice + talent

Stealth | 10 - They're stupid good at climbing trees and 100% consider that a valid method of ambushing their classmates. People start having flashbacks to 3rd and 4th grade recess and P.E. Scanning the trees. They just start taking people out with such efficiency it quickly starts ruining the game 😂

Strategy | 0? 10?? - “...Strategy? You just stay out of sight and kill 'em all, right?” (immediately scolded by Gabe for word choice 🙄) They really do mainly stay out of sight and pick people off with max stealth, like 😆 they'd be such a terror, people would need to take them out early for anyone else to stand a chance! They spend a lot of the game staking out the most frequented paths in the area and taking out groups quickly, all at once. Then they'll get around to stalking and picking people off one by one. The real fun...

Winner type | Stoic. Likes winning combat but the stakes were non-existent, so... the win is meaningless! this just infuriates the losers more 😅 such disrespect

Loser type | Sucks their teeth and tosses their paintball gun to the ground. "Y'all suck." (they're over it five mins later tho lol)

Jack

Shooting | 3 - This is nothing like shooting light guns... ☹️

Stealth | 5 - Not just due to his size making him an easier target, but homeboy is liable to get distracted by a cute squirrel or some pretty flowers 😂 He's not great at keeping his voice down either so good conversation would make him easy to seek out. He's just out here enjoying a beautiful day 😅

Strategy | 7 - All that movie-watching (and DMing) make him a valuable creative mind for problem-solving, but he needs a cooperative team to be effective. Rescued and recruited by Rupan/Rohan early on in the game ^ ^

Winner type | Disbelief! And everyone’s content and satisfied with him winning. Except Vivian/Vincent, that jealous fool

Loser type | Doesn't mind losing at all! He just hopes he was a good teammate and was glad to have fun ☺️

Jessie

Shooting | 7 - Comes from a family of hunters, girly knows how to shoot.

Stealth | 6 - Familiar enough with woods and stalking prey to be capable of sneaking around. Having too much fun to not giggle and get overly invested in the developing plot of the game. Even more easily distracted by critters and flora than Jack 😅

Strategy | 5 - Oh, she's just here to have fun. She'll go with whatever the person she's teaming up with decides, but can adapt easily enough.

Winner type | Surprised... then elated! Bouncing and happy and it's completely contagious. No hard feelings about a single thing. Convinces Heidi to invite people to the Emerson Estate—it's a hot day and they have a nice pool

Loser type | Same as Jack! Congratulates the winner with a hug because she's sweet like that 🧁

Rain

Shooting | 2 - This... thing is so cumbersome. And ugly. At least it shoots pretty colors.

Stealth | 7 - Small and used to sneaking around different environments and seeking out hiding spots. Their height and frame makes them harder to spot too.

Strategy | 4 - Hide!!! They’re not getting assaulted with paint and pellets!! Especially not after managing to make this ugly jumpsuit look cute?? Waiting it out is perfectly legitimate. Might share snacks if you decide to join them in hiding 😆

Winner type | Falls asleep in an unexpectedly cozy hiding spot and emerges as everyone thought they’d declared the winner. I imagine R and others yelling at them to get their gun while the original winner scrambles to get theirs, just for Rain to win by pure luck of the draw. Won’t stop them bragging about it, though! (I want this spurned runner-up to be Vi bc ofc)

Loser type | "So I can stop holding this thing?" Yawn. "I'm so hungry and bored, we've been at this for hours..."

Rupan/Rohan

Shooting | 4 - Ah, shit. These don't shoot anything like light guns.

Stealth | 7 - They sneak out and around town a lot 😂 They just force themself to be careful about how loud grass and bushes are.

Strategy | 7 - They’re treating this shit like an action movie and banding together a ragtag team of misfits to take down the strongest alliances and players. Savvy enough to reject Gabe’s and Curt’s offers to join, not opposed to strategic backstabs. They're very clearly just as focused on having fun as they are on winning—and playing Predator, which honestly works with Kile runnin around. They even brought war paint and borrowed a tactical vest. Is it mostly packed with snacks and weed? Maybe. Does it prove useful for negotiations? Hell yeah.

Winner type | Raucous celebration, just pure joy and adrenaline ☺️ Celebrates with their team, brags a bit, rubs it into Vi's face, makes fun of Curt, the usual. Then invites allies out to get pizza because it's the obvious next step

Loser type | Mostly disappointed they can't keep playing. They're a little sore about being left out of the action, but soon just start chatting with other marked players about how the game went for them. Plenty entertaining on its own, they want all the details

Vivian/Vincent

Shooting | 5 - They've got a little bit of shooting experience.

Stealth | 4 - They're overly sensitive and hate being in nature. Their skin is sticky, they keep feeling bugs everywhere, they've gotten dirt all over their pants, it's so hot, they keep WALKING into SPIDERWEBS, [flails about, screaming furiously]

Strategy | 8 - They have good ideas, they're just difficult to execute alone, especially since they're getting sunburnt and getting crankier and can't stop swatting at insects 😅 they're one of the first people to figure out that someone's taking out groups from the trees, so they stay solo and try to find a single person to team up with. Really what they need is someone who's a better shot but easy to boss around. They can probably just owe them for an in-school favor...

Winner type | Barely suppressed gloating. Vi somehow finds a way to be an obnoxious winner almost entirely by the look on their face. Once they're in a smaller group, they're passionately discussing the details of the game and happily boasting about their triumphs (while glossing over all of the whining and and slip-ups lol)

Loser type | Booo, such a sore loser. (Especially in the scenario where Rain wins 🤣) If they're outsmarted or outgunned in a clear, transparent way they'll growl and stomp off, then quietly glower and sulk for way too long. If they're double-crossed or beaten in an underhanded way oh lord —they're fighting it to the end. R can't help but get involved either way, reminding them it was a damn game with literally no prize. "C'mon, Vi, chill. You want ice cream? Let's get you ice cream."

Heidi

Shooting | 6 - Some shooting experience.

Stealth | 8 - She's very aware of her surroundings and her body. Perceptive yet quiet. Tactical. All residual traits picked up from her many activities over the years.

Strategy | 9 - Most likely to outsmart everyone. The first one to figure out groups are being targeted from the trees. Goes it alone and only open to trading (unless she sees Curt with Jess in which case she puts a quick pin in her plans to rescue her 😂). She also immediately figures out it's Kile, because ofc it is. Keeps close tabs on what groups are doing, knowing that eventually Kile will come down to ground level to pick off individuals and couples. Predator becomes prey 👀

Winner type | Proud but not boasting. She doesn't need to be. Victory looks good on her, natural and fitting. Thanks everyone for a good game then takes the girls for a long ride in the Cadillac 😎 top down on a bright day, baby

Loser type | Damn. She should have won this. Maybe if she'd... She probably could have... Then she snaps out of it, roped in by the celebratory mood of congratulating the winner. She's over any feelings of frustration or regret after getting to discuss the match with the person that took her out/the winner and there's no hard feelings. If anything this was fun as hell, it should be an annual thing. ☺️

Curt

Shooting | 8 - Some shooting experience and a natural knack for it. Good reflexes.

Stealth | 8 - Curt likes to say he gets along with the woods around these parts. Sneaking around is second nature to him. Really good hearing too. He's an easy target if you manage to seduce him though, having no issue leaving himself vulnerable if it means that kind of fun 😂

Strategy | 7 - Honestly, he's most interested in seeing how long he can get away with using charm and seduction for both protection and double-crossing 😂 Eventually becomes persona non grata and gets all of his ammo stolen by a vengeful mark, barely getting away in the process. Since that jig is up, he finally starts thinking a win might be nice... and so he teams up with the only competent player who would never betray him and also inspires the least vitriol in others: Jessie. What? Is his back-up plan using her as a human shield? No! 😚 Of course not! 👉👈

Winner type | Insufferable and gloating. Rubs it in a lot of people's faces, specifically Heidi, Rupan/Rohan, and any participants who genuinely don't like him. Brags to Gabe (who is completely disinterested in gassing him up 😂), then promises he'll make things up to Jessie (who didn't mind and had fun lol). Then celebrates by asking whoever he's flirting with these days for a quick date—and a ride in the Ferrari. Makes a scene pulling out of the parking lot. Ass.

Loser type | Doesn't care one bit as long as he had fun! And he always finds a way to have fun, it's why he's so carefree 😅

[rafecameron]

dancing on my own

request: Angst with no happy ending? How abt *insert actor/character* getting married and their ex (the reader) kinda 'forcing herself' to go to the wedding bc she really wants to see their mutual friends again but like doesn't wanna see the wedding. And reader just watching the love of their live get married and be happy with someone else and their heart silently being ripped apart? Too cruel?

pairing: ex!luke patterson x reader

word count: 2.1K

warnings: heartbreak, no happy ending

a/n: here you go cruel anon. turns out im not that great at heartbreak but hopefully this makes your heart crack a little bit. (also idk if people read authors notes but my requests are currently closed!) 

Y/N thought back on all the times she could have turned around. When she was getting into her car. When she reached the airport. When she queued to board the plane. When she checked into her hotel. When she began to get ready. Now she was facing the very last time she could turn around. Stood outside the venue, all dressed up with no one to walk her inside. But just like the times before, she didn’t turn around, she pushed on. Her heart breaking a little more with each step, she knew that surely by the end of the night there would be nothing left but crumbs. She had promised herself two things before this trip. Number one; she would not speak to him. Number two; she would not cry. She wasn’t entirely sure she would be able to keep either of the promises to herself, but repeating them in her head made her feel that little bit calmer.

She situated herself beside a table lined with drinks, helping herself to a flute of champagne. She was anxious for the doors to be opened so she could find a seat, somewhere in a corner at the back would suit her just fine. Out of sight of anyone who would surely recognise her, she had no intentions of engaging in conversation until the reception. But seeing as what was happening today she should have known it would be her unlucky day.

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” a voice speaks beside her and she turns, landing eyes on someone she had not seen for far too long. His suit was tailored perfectly to his body, his long hair tied in a bun at the back of his head. “I wasn’t sure you’d come.” He pulls her into a hug.

“I wasn’t sure I would either,” she admits as she pulls away, “I wasn’t going to, but I wanted to see everyone...most people.”

Willie laughs softly, “I’m glad you’re here, sit beside me?” He asks, motioning with his head towards the doors that were being pulled open.

“Oh, I was just gonna sit in the back,” she stumbles over her words as Willie takes ahold of her hand, “Aren’t you going to sit with Alex?”

“He’s preoccupied.” Willie states simply, ignoring her protests as he pulls her towards the front of the room to take a seat in the front row.

She sighs as she sits down beside him. The sick feeling in her stomach growing as the room slowly became more and more full, people lining up on the benches and getting ready to watch the ceremony.

Willie reaches down and takes ahold of her hand again, giving it a light squeeze and offering a comforting smile, “You don’t have to stay.” He whispers.

“I do.” She nods, “I want to see everyone, I won’t stay all day but I need to at least say hello now I’m here.”

Willie nods his head, squeezing her hand one last time and patting her knees before turning back to face forward, the ceremony would be starting any minute and she found that her eyes were glued to the pattern on the floor.

For the entirety of the ceremony she didn’t look up. She didn’t want to risk meeting his eyes, didn’t want to see her friends sympathetic looks and definitely didn’t want to see the bride looking beautiful in her white dress. She tried her best not to listen, she couldn’t stomach hearing the vows and knew if she heard the words I do in his voice she’d cry. So she thought about anything else but what was happening in front of her.

She finally looked up when the couple was safely past her line of sight, eyes instantly meeting that of an old blonde friend. He gave her a wave, she was sure the smile was supposed to make her feel better but she just felt more pathetic. Why was she even here? She’s sure the invite was out of politeness and not an actual invitation to come. And if her friends were going to be tiptoeing around her and treating her like a porcelain doll she wasn’t sure she could cope. The nicer people were to her about this the more likely it was she would break down.

She didn’t want to think about it, about him, sure she was at his wedding but that didn’t mean this day had to be about him. She wanted to have a catch up with her friends, avoid her ex the whole night and then go back home, cry with a bottle of wine and forget this whole thing ever happened.

“I’m glad you came.” Alex says as he reaches her, pulling her into a hug, “It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah, it’s good to see you too.” She responds truthfully, “Can we go to the reception? I think I need a drink already.”

Alex laughs, taking Willies hand in his own and leading the way towards the after party. The amount of people that were there she was sure she would be able to avoid the groom for the night. She found herself situated on a table with her friends, helping herself to a glass of wine and making sure the bottle was kept close to her.

No matter how excited she was to see her friends she found that now she was here she was finding it hard to hold a conversation. The group around her were still familiar with each other, still seeing each other and having things to talk about, she felt a little like a spare part. But still she smiled along and listened to their conversation. Something about a recent party they had attended where Reggie had drank a little too much, she laughed along with them unsure of what else to do. The more they spoke and tried to involve her in the conversation the more she realised she didn’t really know the people around her anymore. Sure she had good memories with them and she would always consider them her friends, but she didn’t really know them.

The best thing about weddings it that you can be invisible if you wanted to be. The bride and groom were always busy, everyone wanting to talk to them and congratulate them, and the drunker the guests got the easier it was to slip away from conversations and merely watch the scenes unfold. Which is exactly what she did. She watched her friends get drunk and progressively louder, not noticing anymore if she wasn’t joining in their conversation. If the night continued this way she was certain she would make it out in one piece.

She thought she was doing a pretty good job of avoiding the one person she feared seeing the most. But halfway through the night a hand landed on her shoulder and a familiar scent filled her nose. She felt her skin ignite where his fingers touched and she begged the butterflies in her stomach to go away, to fly away and disappear forever.

Turning in her seat she finally meets his eyes for the first time that night, forcing a smile onto her face as she stands up and allows him to pull her into a hug. Her heart hammers in her chest and she uses every ounce of will power within her to not shed any tears, she felt the epitome of pathetic. Wanting to cry at a wedding like she was in a bad romcom movie. Only if this were a movie she’d get the guy, or a second guy would come sweep her off her feet and make her forget the first one was ever there. She didn’t see that happening anytime soon.

“Thanks for coming.” Luke smiles, “You look great, that colour really suits you.”

She returns his smile with a tight lipped one of her own, “Thanks, you don’t look too bad yourself.” She attempts a light hearted laugh.

She looked away, she couldn’t stand looking into his eyes any longer, his gaze intense and stirring way too many different emotions inside of her. She wanted him to be horrible to her, to tell her to leave and never come back, not to tell her she looks great. How was she ever supposed to get over him when he was nothing but nice to her all the time. She wished he had done something at the end to allow her to hate him. Cheat on her maybe, or tell her he never loved her, then maybe she’d stand a tiny chance of getting over him and moving on with her life. Instead he was selfish and kept her at arms length because he knew he always could and that should have been enough for her to stay away, but she just couldn’t.

“Congratulations,” she looks back at him, eyes settling just above his to avoid his gaze, “You seem really happy, I wish you all the best.”

“Thanks,” he smiles and it’s genuine, something which breaks her heart a little more.

Of course she wants him to be happy, but a bigger part of her wants him to be happy with her and not anyone else. She knows that’s selfish, but that doesn’t stop her from trying to wish it into existence no matter how futile she knows it is.

“Have you met Jess?” He asks, placing a hand on her shoulder as though about to lead her somewhere.

“Oh, no I haven’t but she looks busy,” she quickly shrugs his hand off, the bride she could see from the corner of her eye, laughing at something another guest had said, “I’ll introduce myself later.” She lies.

The only thing she could think that would be worse than this wedding was having to actually meet the bride. To meet her replacement, the better version. The one who had stolen his heart and been worth enough to keep it forever. She forces a smile and excuses herself to the bathroom.

As she reaches the bathroom she can feel her eyes stinging, shutting herself in a cubicle she fans her face, determined not to let a single tear fall. She had made a promise to herself and the least she could do was keep it. She leant her head back against the door, letting out a shaky breath to compose herself.

Once she was sure she wouldn’t cry she exited the bathroom again, thankful to see that he was no longer at the table she had just ran from. She took her seat and no one asked where she had been or if she was okay, she was glad for that at least.

As the night wore on she thought she was doing okay, one little hiccup but no tears since, she’d even found herself genuinely laughing at a couple points. He’d spoken to her and she hadn’t thrown up on his shoes, he had no reason to try and speak to her again.

But then it was time for the first dance and she felt her chest tightening. Her calm composure being over taken by a sinking feeling of dread. She watched for a minute, watched him hold her close and smile. Watched him lean in to kiss her gently before spinning her under his arm and pulling her back in. She wished more than anything that it was her in his arms, her who he still looked at like the world shone behind her eyes. But it would never be her again, and his bride she was sure was far more beautiful than she could ever hope to be.

She watched as more dancers joined the floor, her friends among them. She tried to smile, but the sight was too much for her. Her friends laughing and dancing with their loved ones while she sat on the side lines and watched feeling like a stranger. The slow music a melancholy soundtrack to her emotions, reminding her of something she could never have.

She stands from the table, dragging her eyes over each person she knew, lingering on Luke for a moment longer before she turned and walked out of the room. She knew that this would be the last time she ever saw him, because she knew seeing him happy with someone else would be a slow form of torture. So she walked away, from him, from her friends forever, leaving whatever little pieces were left of her heart behind. By the time she exited the building she felt nothing more than a hollow shell and she finally let the tears fall.

tags: @lovesanimals @makebank @chrlsgillespie @crybabyddl @marinettepotterandplagg @caitsymichelle13 @kcd15 @kinda-really-lost @alexpjoyner @meangirlsx

[septembersghost]

post/663034818843508736/alaynestone-now-their-spirits-are-cursed-walkingHello. I love your blog! And your tags on this post are out of this world. Imo since 1x01 it was made clear that Sam has such an obsession/longing for “normal” that it circles back into fetish. Its just a list of stuff/people/jobs etc. to have and to do for him instead a way of living! Jess imo isn’t even a real person to him cause he 1 wanted to marry her and wasn’t planning on telling her about hunting. 1/

Also makes me question what he told her about growing up. And 2 he was totally dismissive as soon as “the life” knocked on his door – or broke in. In later episodes he tells Dean that he is keeping in touch with friends, but not telling him stuff. While I wouldn’t accuse him of lying I do question how he feels its possible to call people friends if they essentially don’t know big stuff about you. Do they think he grew up in a cult? Was raised by an obsessed survivalist father?

Also pretty telling on how he thinks about the agency of other people, especially Jess, being with him and living a “normal life” with him. She doesn’t get to choose truthfully? His normal friends are just left wondering what happened to him? Were they his friends or more like fellow actors/decorations for the “normal” life? Sams character kind of reminds me of the American Psycho dude – the performance of “normality” taken to such an extreme.

Also really funny that the “normal” brother is always ready to turn it up to a 100 – taking Dean to the healer, deciding to harvest organs so Dean can live forever, chugging demon blood. All while ordering salads and berating Dean for not meeting a “normal standard” whatever that is. In contrast to that we got Dean who is upfront about hunting life not making “normal” possible but never dismissing it and most importantly respecting it – 1x02 and how he treated Haley and respected that she would want to come looking for her brother while Sam wanted to tell her about monsters and to sit tight cause that’s what normal people do. Or even Dean/lisa where Dean is always shown to not only be upfront about stuff but also participating in the not-so-romantic day-to-day life (cooking, getting a job, driving Ben around) while also “preparing” Lisa for emergencies. For Sam normal is some kind of costume or play which he only participates in as long as he wants or needs.

As soon as its not necessary for him he dips out – while also expecting to be able to slip back in – his obvious belief that after leaving like that in 1x01 Jess and him will continue like nothing ever happened. Which makes the finale even sadder imo. The blurry wife was blurry for a reason – she could have been Jess or whoever. It was never about the “normal people” for Sam but for the chance to put on the costume and have the needed audience.

While Dean respected that “lifestyle” enough to only partake in it only when he was 100% on board and available. So in the end the finale made all of 15 seasons “not happen” cause Dean would have died young in a stupid way on a hunt and Sam would have married Jess and performed “normal” his whole life if the show didn’t happen so what was I watching that stuff for anyway.

hi!!! I'm so glad you enjoy my blog and that you stopped by, thank you! there is a LOT to unpack here (in a good way, love talking about derangement), so, welcome to what has become an ongoing course: Sam Studies, a subset of Dean Girl Blogging, part of the curriculum at Winchester University.

(please note none of this is "cr*tical" in a negative way, bc that's not my lane.)

mostly I am nodding along in agreement with the majority of what you said, and I think it's such a great topic to talk about, and I am very tired, so I apologize if this is lacking in coherence or proper brain power.

I'm going to link you to a couple of posts that I've recently made in case you missed them, including the one from last night, because I touched on some of these topics there and I will likely repeat a couple of things on Sam: 1, 2

actually, I'm going to throw in some older ones too: 3, and 4 (aka Jess' insane dissertation post on their status as gothic protagonists and the longest thing I have written, and although I am yet again angry at heaven - I'd made some modicum of peace with it and that was entirely shattered in June, and now I just loathe it conceptually again, but I still stand by the majority of what I said there.) (also my sparkly dean girl banner in there was really me lashing out while being silly all at once, and I think it's clear that as much as I love him, the other characters really matter to me.)

OKAY, now that references are out of the way - that gifset was made by my friend because she's brilliant, and I actually want to copy some of the other tags people added to it.

Vicky's original tags: "-the way sam is so emotionally unfaithful in the pilot  -despite his protests he looks so excited when he's packing his things and practically runs out of there  -and jared plays him as almost dismissive of jess  -it's an interesting contrast between what we're told and what we're shown  -and of course contributes to the guilt he feels later"

"#he just. went out of the door. not even answering #I’ve always intrigued by the fact that he didn’t tell her anything not even his nightmares #I get hes protecting her and his normalcy. but my boy you were literally going to marry her. #how lonely it must’ve been to live like that. not telling the person you love a fundamental part of who you are #or does he really love her or just the concept of her. hmmmm"

"#has sam ever truly loved anyone other than dean? #i mean like. dean loves other people and connects with them but sam? #every relationship he has feels so superficial"

"#not to be mean but he genuinely only loved her for the normalcy she represented #him shielding her from the truth was .... more selfish and self-protective than anything"

fandom lately...is way too focused on making Dean the obsessive, "selfish" one (ask me how tired I am seeing Dean characterized as some sort of insane jailer when that is not true in any way), the one incapable of normalcy, and when it's not driving me up the wall with frustration, it makes me laugh. Sam is, to quote my friend Cassie, Not Right in the Head. (she called him "our little wooden boy," which. yes. lovingly so! he wants to be real, but never quite fits.) Sam, imo, is far more possessive and prone to jealousy BECAUSE he is such an insular, guarded person, and I find that fascinating. he PRETENDS he isn't, but that's a mask - and he is much, much better at wearing the mask and utilizing it effectively than Dean is, because Dean's emotions and honesty crackle and surge to the surface in everything he does.

when my friends and I watched the pilot last week, as I mentioned in one of the linked posts, we talked about how he "doesn't have a costume" for Halloween because he is WEARING IT. Normal College Boy Sam Winchester is an act, a facade he keeps up that hides his true person. I would not go so far as comparing him to Patrick Bateman (lmao, I do get what you mean, though), as neither of the boys are socio- or psychopaths, but it's a bit like he inhabits two entirely separate identities. he shaves parts of himself off and molds himself to his environs as camouflage - and, by his OWN ADMISSION, "even at Stanford, I never really fit in."

we find out later one of his closest friends was the demon who murdered and burned Jess that night. we have no concept of what he told Jess about his life, how he explained his family, his lack of closeness to them - a lack of closeness born from extreme closeness.

Jared said something last year about his understanding of Sam that has stuck with me since I read it.

"I think it was the episode called [Fresh Blood] with Sterling Brown, and he played Gordon. Basically, Gordon’s character can smell Sam’s character, because of the demon blood. He thinks I’m a monster, and he’s coming to kill me. And Dean ends up helping barricade Sam into a motel room, and they’re sitting there preparing for this amped-up vampire to come try and kill Sam, and kill Dean too if he has to get through him. And there’s a scene where Sam and Dean are kind of at wit's end, and they’re talking. And we finally hear what’s kind of keeping Sam going, and he says, 'I just want you to be my brother again.’ And it kind of set a certain tone in the back of my head, understanding who Sam really was, and why he ran away after college. Because he loved his father and his brother so much, that he couldn’t be in their atmosphere."

please eliminate John from this (I seriously think every single person involved in this show has forgotten the established Kripke era canon about John), but thinking about it in regards to Dean, it makes so much sense. Sam loves Dean in this very powerful way despite the fact that it doesn't often get voiced, we see it in his actions. you mention how he turns it up to 100 when pushed, and that is vital to understanding him. Sam walks a fine edge, and when he goes over, he's feral. I called it flinty anger yesterday, but it's also protectiveness, it's also dangerous angles concealed intelligently. the Trickster to him in Mystery Spot: "Let me tell you, whoever said Dean was the dysfunctional one has never seen you with a sharp object in your hands." the demon to him in Black: "I heard the rumors. I said ‘no, that can’t be.’ A Winchester, one of us? But it’s true, isn’t it? Whatever soul you had; whatever boy scout code you cuddled up to at night; it’s all gone. Leaving what? Look at you!" Sam is absolutely terrifying, underneath a veneer he has carefully painted to keep that in check. being better at wearing the restraints doesn't make you more normal, it makes you more unpredictable.

Jared also said Sam's best memory would be the night Dean came to get him. think about how messed up that is, truthfully. that should be a traumatic memory for Sam, because Jess died. but that's not what it's about for Sam, it's about being with Dean again. that's what mattered most. Dean emerges from the shadows to ask for help, and Sam gravitates right back to him. Dean is Sam's tether. he is unmoored without him.

While I wouldn’t accuse him of lying I do question how he feels its possible to call people friends if they essentially don’t know big stuff about you. I think you can accuse him of lying, by omission if nothing else. I feel like I've talked about this before, but I'm not sure where - it's a key component and difference between how Sam and Dean approach their relationships. Sam lies to Jess. he lies to Amelia. we can only assume, tragically, that he lies to pointless blurry wife. the mention in those tags of how lonely that must be, and it IS, but it's how Sam fundamentally functions. he doesn't make solid connections because he doesn't let anyone see him entirely, and when they do see further glimpses of his true self, they tend to be dark situations (Ruby most notably, but even Madison). contrast this with the fact that Dean chooses to tell the truth and let the chips fall - with Cassie. with Lisa. Dean can't help but make connections wherever he goes, it's who he is. Dean bleeds love everywhere. Dean does crave a home and a normal life repeatedly, even though he rarely admits it, or when he does, it's to assume he'll never have it/doesn't deserve it. (note: by S15, I don't believe this was the best option for him or even his innermost desire any longer, because I don't believe it was the right choice for either of them - that still doesn't mean he was incapable of it, he could have been.)

meanwhile, Sam very openly and strongly embraced the life they shared over and over, and became more comfortable within it. fandom calls DEAN performative? Sam is so intriguingly and kind of sadly performative in so many ways, the guise of "normality" being the most obvious example of it. it is not who he is, it is not what he wants. because he grapples with inner conflict, he can be judgemental and exposes a lot of double standards to Dean, and most of that is insecurity imo. they are both very damaged by their upbringing in unique ways.

thus, in the pilot, Constance assaults him, and he says, "I'm not unfaithful, I've never been!" and she says, "you will be." you can take that at surface value, but I feel it's saying more than that. he IS emotionally unfaithful. he does dismiss her, dodge her questions and her calls. she is part of the costume, and he doesn't want Jess to see beneath it. his heart and loyalty do not belong to Jess, they never did. he feels guilt that he put her into the position that would cause her death, but I wouldn't classify that as love, really.

Dean tends to have a different approach on cases when they're forced to tell people the truth - as you noted about Haley in Wendigo, we see it in Something Wicked, etc, it's a recurring theme for him. Dean is compassionate and empathetic, but often more bluntly honest, where Sam uses his kindness as an investigative tool on a regular basis (which not only do we see in canon, it's also established early, "You know, my brother could give you this puppy dog look and you'd just buy right into it"). Sam projects onto "monsters" because he's afraid he is one, but it's an oddly skewed way to relate to others (this is particularly clear w/ Jack, but I don't want to talk about him lol forgive me).

Lisa says, "we were in it together" because of what she and Dean were able to share. I can't imagine Sam in that same situation, because it is not how he relates to his partners. blurry wife is such an ugly conclusion for him because it is very bleak and desolate, it's not his true desire, nor his true self. she doesn't matter because she doesn't matter. she is barely a placeholder. Dean matters. Dean's presence lingers in every corner of Sam's life. it's why it's ridiculous to me when people say he broke the co-dependency. what? his entire life was a shrine to the dead.

a friend also said to me recently, "it does feel extra cruel they had sam become a parent when that was something dean longed for and no longer felt deserving of. sam did not once express that desire? people have said it's poetic that he lived dean's dream life for him, i think it's just lazy." exactly.

I read a (very dark) fic the other day and I am going to copy a comment from the author:

"*You* saw a loving father. You're free to your interpretation. Although, I might point out, there's really nothing more to support it than there is mine.

I saw a house where the entire focus--almost every single picture, including the picture in pride of place, which is almost always reserved for a portrait of the *current* inhabitants--was the dead. A man who's reduced to a wreck just by being in his brother's car for a few minutes, even after twenty or so years. Grief that strong causes issues for *everyone* in the family, *at all levels*.

I saw a house where there was not a *single picture* of the child's mother--not with her child, not with her husband, not with her own birth family. Clearly, this house has no problems with pictures of the dead, so something else had to have happened.

I saw a kid who wasn't all that thrilled about getting homework help from his father, just tolerating it.

I saw a guy whose reaction to his father's death was not only grief, but relief.

And I saw a character who is canonically *fucked in the head,* who has undergone massive trauma that has *never* been properly addressed, who had what was *at best* an antagonistic relationship with his own father, and whose biggest problem in that relationship was that he was *exactly like the man*, attempting to be normal, something he's attempted multiple times and *failed every time*.

You wanna believe he stuck the landing? Fine. That's your prerogative. Personally, I don't see it happening."

it struck me because this is exactly how I interpret what we saw in the finale, and why it strikes such a chord of misery in my chest. his arc was unfulfilled, abandoning everyone else he cared for and knew, abandoning his years of work and legacy, failing to ever save his beloved brother, forever shrouded by grief, forever longing for someone who was gone, not knowing if they'd ever be together again, keeping everyone at arm's length until he had permission to die.

in Torn and Frayed, when they parallel Sam breaking up with Amelia to Dean cutting ties with Benny, Dean says, "I do know this – whatever you decide, decide. Both feet in or both feet out. Anything in between is what gets you dead." Dean is rougher and harsher there - this is Dean who has already lost Lisa and Ben, who has survived a year in purgatory, who comes back raw and then in conflict with his brother, so he puts himself down (as usual) saying he could never "separate from the job like you could," but that's not the real crux of the issue. it isn't that Dean can't function without hunting, it's that his life, his history, his parentification, his emotional trauma and responses, are all knitted together into his being where he cannot extricate them, and has to acknowledge them. but Sam doesn't, because Sam simply...shuts it behind a locked door instead. it ISN'T the healthier approach. (neither of them are healthy, but anything that requires you to fundamentally deny your own life and personhood is NOT GOOD, it is NOT healing, it's not well-adjusted!)

I agree Sam has this false idea about the status quo holding that never works out and typically ends up hurting him, and that again is part of those walls he builds. Sam's insularity makes him harder to know, he's secretive, he's more quietly analytical and calculating at many points, and then snaps and goes to extremes in others. it's VERY INTERESTING, and does not make him a bad person (or character), it's a frictional balance to Dean and Dean's own issues and extremes.

I don't agree that the finale made all fifteen seasons not matter or not happen, but I understand why you say it - and I've seen it said as A POSITIVE, WHICH IS FREAKING APPALLING, uwu "full circle, this is how it was supposed to be" are you kidding me? did they watch the show at ALL? gross. - the reason I refuse to believe or acknowledge this is because 1. I have no respect for the finale and thus choose to reject that garbage, 2. IT DID MATTER! I promise it did! please feel free to browse my blog (I'm not sure which tag to tell you to use, dean feelings? the * category? there are soft posts tucked away in there!), but it did matter, it did have value, and the finale DID NOT take it away.

the most defiant thing we can do to honor and remember them is to refuse to allow them and their story and their brilliance to be stolen. 30 sum-odd minutes of awful writing does not take away fifteen years of love and investment and watching their journey. none of us were watching it for that apple pie life, we were watching it for the studied themes of horror and belief, the ruins and strengths of family, the power of bravery, for light that cuts through darkness, for the bonds of love in all its sharpness and its beauty, for the triumph and exhale of free will. just because the ending butchered the themes doesn't mean the themes...weren't there or were rendered unimportant. I've said this many times, but the story is ours now. the boys are ours. we keep Dean alive. we keep them in the folklore. we make the meaning. we're making it up as we go! we keep choosing them however we best can, however we love them - and isn't that kind of the whole point? ♥