#Jem Will and Tessa

[allthefawkesigive]

I’m not sure how long this is going to be and it might just be a jumble of words but I don't often feel emotions as strongly as i am right now so in a way I feel it a duty of mine to write them down somewhere. so welcome to my silly little thought and feelings about a silly little booker series. they’ve been out a while but still Spoilers for The Infernal Devices below

I've spent the past two weeks re-reading the infernal devices. it took me a week to read Clockwork Angle, four days to read Clockwork Prince and 3 days to read Clockwork Princess. this post is about the last few chapter of clockwork princess.

The first time I read these book I was in a very difficult place in my life, between running away from my mums house, police investigations going on around me, moving house and some of the worst bullying I experienced at school. These book and the characters within became my escape and the first time I finished the series I sobbed, a mixture of sadness for the characters and the suffering they endured but also, I was saying goodbye to the people who were helping me the most in a time where I needed it. Deciding to re-read them I knew what I was getting into, I knew the sever of the Parabatai connection was coming and it would hurt, I knew Jem as Brother Zachariah was at the final battle, I knew Will died in the epilogue, I knew it was all coming. But it still stung, I still sobbed but in a way this time was worse? 

Particularly chapters 14 and 20 - 24. 

Chapter 14 - Parabatai. This hurt a lot the first time around. Will in my favourite character as is he probably a lot of peoples reading him going through such a heartbreaking moment as his other half died was hard. Re-reading it knowing what happened to Jem seemed harder. 

All these goodbyes is what got me thinking about my past and how they helped me so much because I realized I was going to have to say goodbye again. Goodbye to the characters that meant to most to me in the hardest time of my life, and it stirred up all this emotion I had the first time. I though it wouldn’t hurt as much because I had been here before and read these pages, as I turned each page through I saw crinkles on the page where my tears had hit them 7 years earlier and they were met with new wet spots where I was crying now. 

Chapters 20 through 24.

These are about lose and love and saying goodbye, Chapter 23 specifically was the one that hit the hardest for me. Jem coming back to the Institute as Brother Zachariah to say his goodbyes, knowing he lives on in some way but cannot see or love the people he cares most about as he’d like. I think this Chapter feels so much different after reading Ghost of the Shadow Market, The Dark Artifices and Secrets of Blackthorn Hall. Knowing what’s coming for him and Tessa, Knowing they were going to go on without Will but still be thinking about and loving him over 100 years later. 

In some ways it hurt a lot less, know what Jem and Tessa went on to become, knowing they had a family, knowing they looked after the Herondales thought generations for their Will, knowing they searched endlessly to find Kit and keep him safe, knowing Will lead a full life dying of old age with the two people he loved most in the world, knowing there are most stories out there that Will and Tess are in together with their children. It hurt less in ways. But then it also hurt so much more.  

I was once again reading the goodbyes of characters I hold to dear to my heart who would never know me for they are not of my world. Reading about them and their adventure I almost felt like I were there with them and they were my friends. The first time around they were all I had and that all came flooding back. I didn’t want to say goodbye, I wanted to go with them as they were. But I can’t, I can only skipped ahead several years and be with them once they are grown and with children on their own. Or once they are long gone into dust and shadows.

I felt so much for Will because they first time I read them I was like him, I had built up these walls around me and pushed people away afraid that them being near me or befriending me or loving me would get them mixed in with my life and hurt. This time around I felt some much for him because I to have had my walls fall down around me and now have so much love in my life without fear of it being taken from me. 

There is so much more I want to say but I do not have the words for it. I will miss them even though they were never my real friends, I know I can go back to these books are start all over again and re-live that part of their lives with them but I will miss them as though they were my own friends and family that I have lost. I am catastrophically in love with every single one of them.

I cried all over again but instead of alone in my room in the early hours of the morning wondering if I’m stupid for doing so, I had my partner to hug me and tell me my thoughts were not stupid and I was not being silly for crying over these fictional people who would never know me. 

Edit: in a way this is a thank you to @cassandraclare , so thank you Cassandra for creating these characters and telling their stories because they mean so much to so many

[winesharksea]

cats bringing hunted offerings to their owners but it's jem humbly depositing new slang he heard at the bakery in front of kit for an explanation

[mayaheronthorn]

BREAKING NEWS: The Shadowhunters Chronicles (2007 - 2029) just received a 55 minute standing ovation from me in my living room after rereading it for the 200th time

[hronstairs]

it’s always about them.

🎨: larisa rusina

[wikitpowers]

no trio will ever trio as hard as this trio trio-ed

artist: @cassandrajean <3

[culiehua]

Mina + Silent brothers

As a result of this comment section, you now have this. I am not sorry. enjoy!

characters by @cassandraclare

follow me on instagram @ leizanart :)

[fo1k1oresque]

do you people ever think of the clockwork princess epilogue and burst into tears or is that just me

[outerspacess]

I think about this more often than I’d like to admit.

“Whoever you have loved, and however you loved them,” said Jem, “anyone you loved would be lucky.”

[soyoquiyo]

there's three of us!

[booklovingturtle]

You don’t understand…they are EVERYTHING to me

Artist: @charliebowater

[cortanasdaisies]

julian really thought he's going to get a moment of peace in twp because the parabatai mess is over... no good sir, your brother did necromancy to bring his dead twin back and your other sister is gonna be dating the son of the man you hate the most rip

[illustratinghan]

tessa was so excited for jem to come home with kit from training to show the new addition she added to the wall at cirenworth!

characters by @cassandraclare 💛

[tys-kitty]

Me after reading the 20th book about some angel descendants fighting demons and dealing with their very emotional love lives

[jessartts]

Most people are lucky to have even one great love in their life. You have found two

[hronstairs]

one of the best trilogies I've ever read

[mayaheronthorn]

THE WAY SHE GAGGED HIM 😭😭😭😭😭😭