#Jay’s I have drawn a lot of so it’s constantly changing

[grilledcheese-savage]

Jaya Prime Empire Au Comic Sketch…

Possible Kai re-design in the future? 👀

Also decided to go for a marker drawing look for the artstyle. I have this cool Pixal brush that I’m going to use for the prime empire scenes.

[under-lok-n-ki]

Captain Ava & Captain Lizzie

literally cannot wait until we get more development on this plot bc it’s so so good

also I got around to listening to the Black Rose One-shot and Lizzie was originally blonde??? ik her design was changed a lot during the campaign in general but I’m deciding to play around with that info—I’m thinking she started dying it after joining Shadowbeard’s crew

anyways thoughts I had about Ava/the Ferin’s while designing her (possible spoilers or maybe just incoherent rambling):

gave her a rifle bc I feel like she’d have sharpshooting capabilities on par with Drey, but a pistol just didn’t seem appropriate for her. but I also see her favoring close-range attacks so she also gets a big knife as a treat

I think it’s mentioned in an episode how Jay looks more like their mother, May, so personally I think Ava resembles Jayson much more with certain aspects (specifically height, nose shape, eye color, hair ‘style’— Jay got his more square-ish face shape and broad build; they both have the same eye shape)

expanding on that fiery hair ‘style’ thing— I’m thinking that’s smthn that just kinda comes with the Ferin abilities and I’m thinking those powers need to be unlocked in a way?? there’s no other reason I can think of as to why Jayson has the flaming hair and specific magic skills while Jay doesn’t, so I’m thinking Ava may have been more in-tune with/naturally drawn towards the Ferin magic (esp since we see her using that golden form during the animatic sequence in ep101) while Jay become more influenced by May’s magic (since I think she spent the most time with her esp after Ava’s death). maybe Jay and Drey suppress their Ferin abilities (Drey def intentionally, Jay maybe a bit unintentionally?) and it could kinda explain why Jay has special blood: she’s a mix of two [supposedly] powerful magical heritages

I also have this thought that Ava may have unlocked these powers earlier than most of the Ferin’s, resulting in a fate similar to Gillion’s where she was regarded with pride for this yet constantly pressured and trained into becoming a weapon for the Navy (perhaps by request of Grandma Fey, who seems to be a very controlling character and could be the reason Jayson acts so cold and ruthless). and when she failed to uphold their beliefs that’s when The Order was given (maybe they found out about her & Lizzie???)

BUT in comparison to Jayson who absorbed himself in his work, and Gillion who was forcibly separated from his family, Ava was able to visit home often and had May and Jay to lean on as a support system. that connection alone could’ve helped separate the brutality and violence of her work in the Navy from her actual personality—the one that she became admired for and the one Lizzie was drawn to. it could also be speculated that she had the same ideas as Kira and Jay: that she could make the Navy better from the inside (obv this would be more difficult if she was held to high expectations, but she could’ve been on her way to making it work)

speaking of Jay—I think I remember a moment where someone explains how Jayson didn’t want her to join the Navy at all, and I always thought this was odd considering how it was moreso pointed towards her rather than Ava (as well as the fact that the Ferin’s ostracize those who don’t join, like Drey). this would coincide with my theory that Ava was expected to join bc of ‘unlocking’ her powers early, so maybe Jayson didn’t want Jay joining due to the fact that she hadn’t tapped into her Ferin powers yet, but Jay being Jay decided to enlist anyways and eventually gained a different motivation for her involvement than the rest of the clan [thanks to Kira & Ava]. or there was another thing at play. idk kinda just throwing smthn at the wall with this one bc that little comment stood out to me and I can’t remember if it even happened lol

also do we think the whole ‘sun nightmare’ is like,,, a test to unlock those abilities?? we know Jay and Drey opted to jump into it which kinda resulted in some magic golden eye phenomena (which we’ve seen in action once by Drey), but the issue here is when Jay rejected the heat the first time it just resulted in pain. so what would’ve been the option that leads the Ferin bloodline to become so powerful? do they choose to combat the sun?? do they conjure up heat of their own until they overpower it??? so many questions

gaaahhh I can’t wait until they’re out of the Black Sea so we can delve into this more bc I’m tired of feelin like this:

[the-owl-tree]

regarding various ideas thatve been discussed here, my vision is like 

After the whole “seriously considered murdering him” bit in sunset, Firestar demoted Brambleclaw and made Brackenfur deputy. Cardboard cutout of a man 

Initially Jay is brightheart’s apprentice, Holly is Leafpool’s, lion is brackenfur’s 

In a battle that makes Jay and Holly change their minds (for Jayfeather I feel like I would want him to have some kind of arc about internalised ableism,, like he has to learn a nuanced lesson about how he doesn’t need to be productive by the standards of clan culture and it’s okay for him to acknowledge his limits and choose a different path, but also his clanmates should allow him to define his limits and not treat him like he’s made of glass. I digress) - in the battle where Holly and Jay change their minds, Brackenfur Freaking Dies and only now is bramble deputy. I think I’d want firestar to die earlier too so we can get shitty bramblestar + the most depressed squilf you’ve ever seen

Now we’ve got Jay as Leafpool’s apprentice, Holly as ashfur’s, and lion as brightheart’s because man I always felt bad she never got an apprentice again 

and with this setup I would want basically everything to be significantly more fucked up. Ashfur exacerbates Hollyleaf’s fixation on the code and power (foreshadowing tbc??), I’d want Lionblaze to like, accidentally hurt somebody really badly in training and have to grapple with feeling like a monster more. Maybe instead of Cinderheart falling out of a tree, Lionblaze accidentally injures her 

Speaking of cinderheart I want her to do some of the stuff poppyfrost does I love poppyfrost but having cinderheart narrowly escape death and feel strangely drawn towards the moonpool would be a lot more fun - I think I’d frame her being cinderpelt as something that was either accidental, or intentional but StarClan was in the wrong for not letting cinderpelt rest because I really resent the idea that cinderpelt needed a second chance at life as if the life she lived after becoming disabled wasn’t a good and worthwhile one 

So yeah cinderheart is possessed by a restless ghost, lionblaze can’t stop hurting people no matter how hard he tries, hollyleaf is just regular hollyleaf but more, jayfeather… I dunno maybe make StarClan genuinely scared of him because of how much his power allows him to defy them. Maybe he feels detached from himself and is almost constantly dissociating because he spends so much time walking in dreams and other peoples minds. I don’t know I don’t like jayfeather 

ALL THIS. And then have your thing about dove and ivy being cinderholly kits also be true do you see my vision do you understand . I am so sorry about the length of this I got carried away

I AM EATING ALL OF THIS UP BIG YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i always wished jaypaw's first battle with shadowclan was what got him to change, like it's this big awakening to what clan culture is really like. he gets the shit kicked out of him and he's like "wow. this sucks. why is everyone making this sound so great"

and big big BIG yes with cinderheart, i feel she deserved some better meat than what po3 and oots was throwing her. these are lovely i am LOOKING

[themis-moved]

A post about what I’ve been doing, and how I’ve been doing:

I got a job around July of last year. It’s right around the block from where I live, so I have essentially no difficulty showing up for my shifts. On top of that, the people I work with are all completely delightful and constantly show me that they care about me and my well-being, co-workers and managers alike.

To drive home the fact: my birthday passed in February. I requested my birthday off, and I got it, but when I came back to work for my next shift, my executive chef had literally bought a cake for me. After I got off my break and returned to the line, there was the Minions birthday song playing on the speakers. ( 😭 ) But my chef was standing at my station with the cake and candles in it for me.

My assistant general manager had also put a candle in a Hostess cupcake and brought it to me mid-rush as a gift:

I had a party on my birthday - which only about 4 or 5 of my friends were able to attend, but I’m grateful they did - and one of my coworkers gave me his two favorite books, Into the Magic Shop and The Obstacle is the Way. I finished ITMS recently and it was so outstanding it made me cry on numerous occasions. I have yet to start TOITW. I see why ITMS is one of his favorites, and I look forward to reading TOITW. I overwhelmingly recommend reading Into the Magic Shop (author James R. Doty, MD).

Do you remember Avery? and Mokushi? The story that Avery was originally part of has been slightly overhauled, and the previous owner of Mokushi transferred ownership of her to me. I’ve expanded the rest of the “TARDUS Crew” with 3 new characters - Renatas Monte, Emil Oberto, and Hường Hoa. I’ve started working on a few little pieces of writing for the TARDUS story itself, which can be found on the site, but I also expanded into Fallout 4 AU territory with “To Change and Not to Change” (subtitle What Grief Does to People, for the ridiculous acronym TCANTCWGDTP) which I have gotten heavily invested in. The stories of Mokushi, Emil, and Danse are outlined, and I have yet to write out Avery’s story. Hường also comes into play in Mokushi’s story, and I have plans to write out Mokushi and Hường’s initial meeting.

(Footnote for TARDUS/TCANTC: There’s an ‘incorrect quotes’ page on the TARDUS site. Very fun to read, and offers a quick depiction of the relationships between the characters/how they tend to interact with each other. “K” stands for me, Kepler, because I’m funny.)

All in all, only outlines taken into account, I have written ~7,500 words for TCANTC. I have also drawn a comic titled “Medical Attention” for one of the events in TCANTC, as well as a 3-chapter, ~8k word fic following TCANTC’s version of the Blind Betrayal quest from Fallout 4. It is available to read on my website, and also hosted on Archive of Our Own. (Don’t @ me, it’s still one of the best-constructed and high-traffic writing sites on the internet.) I’ve also commissioned Moth to build a site for me, which looks amazing - it can be found at a sub-link of his Neocities, here.

I’ve stayed close with a few of my friends from Tumblr, like Moth and Apollo. A few others have hovered around though I haven’t stayed in extensive close contact with them, like Hero, Isadora, and Jay. I’ve also made a variety of new friends, such as Capt, Xeno, Clymene, Shiny, and Hacksick. I’ve been spending a lot of time talking to - and doing writing sprints with - some slightly older, more experienced writers, who I will not name to maintain their anonymity. They don’t face publicly on the internet, and I expect they would appreciate me upholding that. I’ve also been making friends with my neighbors and the people in my community - who I also will not name, for my safety and their privacy. If I didn’t name-drop you directly, and you expected to be here - sorry! There’s a whole lot of people that come in and out, or who pop up for a conversation or two every once in a while, and I appreciate you just the same. ❤️

I also broke up with and cut off my ex-girlfriend who I mentioned at times in the past. She still lives near me, which I loathe, but I don’t cross paths with her very often, which I am grateful for. In her stead, I have been talking to and connecting with a variety of other trans people in my area. All around, it’s been good to fill my life with close friends and real people. I feel much more present, less isolated, much happier, and more fulfilled for it.

I have also been stepping up to do more volunteer work for the less fortunate people in my city and the surrounding area. There is a mission that I’ve started to work with weekly to distribute food to the homeless, and I personally take leftover food from work (that would normally get thrown away at the end of the day) to redistribute to the homeless people directly in my neighborhood.

The weather around here has also been steadily improving - less snow and more sunshine - and I look forward to when the days start getting warmer so I can return to rollerblading regularly. With my job being so close to my home (just about a mile), I greatly enjoy rollerblading to work when the weather permits. When the weather is too cold but the streets aren’t snowed over, I usually like to take an electric scooter. If there is snow outside, I tend to get a Lyft to work.

I also decided to make the bad wonderful decision to install Final Fantasy XIV, and I’ve sunk 80+ hours into it already. I’m completely taken with the story of it - though I haven’t even finished the storyline of A Realm Reborn (the ‘base game’) - and I greatly enjoy the photo mode that it offers. If anyone else plays FFXIV, I’m Syn Kepler on the Siren world on the Aether datacenter. I plan on making at least one more character, on a different datacenter, sometime in the future. It’s been a lot of fun.

I’ve especially fallen in love with Thancred Waters and Cid Garlond. My main character, Syn, is a male Au Ra with the height scale set to maximum, and everyone looks tiny compared to him. I love it. (Thancred is in the first picture, Cid in the second.)

All around, life has been good. Things have gotten weird at times, and pretty awful at others, but I find that they impact me much less nowadays. Even when I think about bad things, when I remember negative memories, when things go awry, the negative emotions I feel about them are an under-current compared to the joy of living my day to day life. I wake up in the mornings happy to start a new day, to talk to my friends, to see my co-workers, to work on the things that I love. The positives of my life, after 20+ years, finally outweigh the negatives. It makes me grateful that I survived the dozens of suicide attempts throughout my life, that I’ve finally made it to that ever-preached day that “it gets better.”

It really does get better. You might - if not most likely, will - suffer. Life will be shitty, sometimes. You’ll lose friends so close to you it makes you want to die, but after the fact, you will earn new friends that you find just as much joy with. Different changes in life will make different people happy - what made me happy was freedom, to move out of the South, to live on my own, to be able to cut and color my hair and dress all the ways that I want to. To live in a place that I do not constantly fear for my safety as a transgender, gender-non-conforming, nonbinary person. To work with people who accept me at face value and don’t harass me for being transgender, who don’t say transphobic things to my face and behind my back. To work in the kitchen, and not in the dining, to not deal with customers - who have often also been the perpetrators of harassment in the past.

I’ve updated my blog themes to contain the lyrics to Sunshine by Atmosphere (YouTube, Spotify) because it wonderfully reflects the joy I finally have in life.

In the words of Slug (the MC of Atmosphere), whom I love so dearly:

Every day that gets to pass is a success.

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

A list of albums I’ve found and loved (Spotify links only):

Fight With Tools - FLOBOTS Cardboard Castles - Watsky When Life Gives You Lemons - Atmosphere God Loves Ugly - Atmosphere Knew School - Knowmads Prohibition Swing - Lyre Le Temps Power in Numbers - Jurassic 5 This Is How We Get Better - The Narcissist Cookbook

[sadisthetic]

I love your String Theory Au. It hurts so beautifully.🥺 Personally I have always been drawn to the trope of healing through pain. Like I can imagine that after the pain of severing the bond, Jay's string is constantly hurting when he is near Nya. Like most people instinctively avoid their ex's after a breakup but Jay can't because they are both part of the team. When they decide to retie their strings Jay still feels pain when Nya limits or rejects his attempts to show affection. This would cause some tension as Nya feels rushed or pressure in the relationship and makes her draw away from Jay. Jay's insecurities would spiral as he would wonder if this was the mistake that would cause Nya to cut the bond again. They would rely on others a lot at the beginning to communicate and set boundaries. This is where a lot of the platonic bruise would happen. Cole would help Jay feel comfortable with expressing his need for affection without fearing rejection. Nya would confide in Kai or Lloyd about needing some boundaries. I also feel their relationship would be heavily stunted at the start because Nya is unaware of the affects the original bond had on Jay until they have their first major disagreement. Nya would unintentionally blurt out that rebonding was a mistake and cause Jay to have a panic attack while clutching his string to his chest. Either Lloyd or Cole would pull her aside and reveal the damage caused by the broken bond. The angst just continues while they try to slowly mend themselves and their bond. 😭

well firstly i gotta say. string theory is a very different concept from string of fate sjhgerghsldfjl

secondly. thanks! im glad you like it! you really took off with the idea didnt you lol. though personally i imagine their "working it out" phase a bit different. a lot more awkwardness and like tacit mutual understand and also little communication between the two (bc its so awkward) at the beginning. the angst isnt over but worst of it has passed at this point. they reset. and i dont think their string would be under threat of being cut again. thats bad on nyas end because shes the one to instate the relationship and she would be a total flake if she wanted to break it off again so easily. also. its important to note they arent quite dating. their relationship immediately post skybound is ambiguous. the string isnt a symbol that theyre together. its a symbol that they care about each other. and that theyre going to work through difficulties. theyre friends no matter what feelings the other has for the other. and if/when they do decide to get together for reals they Still would be friends too

i like angst. and im sorry about shutting down your ideas a bit but i think their angst would be a bit more narratively productive. for nya to say retying their string was a mistake even accidentally means she hasnt changed at all. and i think jay would have a better sense of nyas boundaries at this point. they both grown in skybound and i think the shared trauma of it would give them something to bond over also

[j-graysonlibrary]

The Xiang Chronicles: Book Four Chapter 18

Title: The Xiang Chronicles: Book Four

Author: Jay Grayson

Word Count: 118k

Genres: Fantasy, adventure, drama, LGBT+

Available on: my website

Synopsis: In order to save the world from the continuous subjugation and potential annihilation at the hands of Tiandi, hard lines must be drawn. The Great Spirits that were imprisoned ages ago must be unsealed and awakened, no matter the consequences.

The players are divided—those who stand blindly with Tiandi, such as Xiang Merra and her disciples versus those who want to tear the system down and give the power back to the people. Even a few of the most religious Lords change their minds when they learn the truth of the world—that Tiandi is no more than a dictator with no love in his heart.

It is up to the last, real Xiang and the ill-fated Chaaya to put everything they have into tearing God from his throne and creating new possibilities for the future.

Full chapter 18 under the cut

Chapter XVIII:

Pangu waved goodbye to everyone before stepping through the portal. His eyes lingered, of course, on his partners, but also on Gong. The last few days had been filled with stories of the man’s past.

Though he did not know much about Badou since he was well before his time, Gong offered, instead, tales from his human life. As it turned out, Cuad was one of his family names and he had kept it as a code name to honor that past. He was also, from his own account, the only Heavenly Prince that regularly visited his old home.

Considering what Badou had said about his mind being fuzzy and his body being taken over by Tiandi, Pangu had started to suspect that Tiandi just simply had less control over Gong than the others.

Gong told him that Zhu was the one to teach him how to block Tiandi out which Pangu found very odd. Perhaps Zhu had been of his own mind and the others were merely vessels for the god’s will?

Yet, Pangu recalled his own youth and how different and unique each of his teachers was. He had never gotten the impression they were all being controlled by the same man.

It was confusing—even more so when Gong did not have any solid answers.

All he had was that he was constantly fighting to keep Tiandi out of his mind and, while being around Shakti and the Mistresses helped to ease his burden, he could not afford to let it slip for even a second.

That sort of mentality translated into Pangu as he landed on the other side of the portal. He quickly raised up their defenses and their disguises since they were already so close to the capital.

Raine whipped around to see two strangers and he instantly recoiled. “Even I cannot see through the spell?”

Kira laughed while Pangu said a quick, “Oops.”

“Did something go wrong already?”

“Hold on, let me readjust.” Pangu closed his eyes to concentrate.

“Better,” Kira said and laughed.

Their appearances were still altered but, from their perspective, they each looked like themselves but with a vague illusion of a different face over the top. It was only strange if stared at for too long and, frankly, Pangu was already used to the weirdness from the last mission.

“It is still…odd,” Raine commented.

“You will adapt quickly,” Kira assured him and patted him on the back.

“Does it change my height?”

Both Pangu and Kira stared at him, trying to see him as just the disguise. As the energy shifted, they both turned their heads to the side and Raine started to worry about what it was they were looking at.

“Is…is something wrong?” he asked.

“No,” Pangu replied, “I believe your disguise is shorter. A little, anyway.”

“People are not going to recognize you based on your height,” Kira took a different approach in comforting him.

“Maybe not but have you met anyone as tall as me?” Raine put his hands on his hips.

“Lord Dio,” Pangu said at the same time Kira responded, “Dio.”

The two laughed and pointed at each other.

Raine felt a lot more at ease and his shoulders relaxed. “Ah,” he sighed, “This brings back memories. Remember the last time it was just the three of us?”

“Coming back to Castelle to perform the miasma clearing ceremony?” Kira continued on with a smirk.

It felt like a lifetime ago. Pangu had just recruited Kira and they had their first heart-to-heart in the big hotel in town. He had now been back so many times and it seemed that every trip was significant in some way.

“A lot has changed,” Pangu noted and looked toward the horizon. The walls of Castelle could be seen in the distance but they still had a ways to travel before they were there. He suspected it would be close to sundown by the time they made it.

Their reminiscence continued as they walked—mainly, it was Kira and Raine discussing their early days. How Raine was reluctant to trust him and, from his point of view, they held some sort of rivalry. Of course, Kira was quick to discredit that and reminded him that he knew who Raine was the entire time and still had feelings for him from his youth.

It was quite fun for Pangu to reexamine all those memories under that new lens.

As they came closer to the city wall, Raine began to slow. He glanced between the two of them and then started, “So, before we head to the palace…”

The palace. Their destination. Though Pangu was not excited to have to remove their disguises when they arrived so that they could be let in, he knew it was necessary. The island they believed Undine to be on was under royal sanction and they would need the King’s approval to row out there.

Plus, Pangu felt it was fair to finally let King Raime know that he was alive and explain what all was happening. There was a chance he had heard rumors by now, depending on how much Merra shared with him but it was also just as likely he had been intentionally kept in the dark.

“Do you want to see your orphanage?” Kira guessed, bringing Pangu back to the present.

Raine smiled and nodded. “Yes. Is that alright?”

They both looked to Pangu, as if he would say anything other than yes.

“Of course. It is rather late anyway. We can stay there if you would like. Inside of the building, I can take our disguises down as well and rest for a bit.” The idea became more promising the longer he thought of it.

The orphanage had enough room to host them for the night and he knew Raine wanted to check on his family. They, too, would most likely be eager to see him. Especially after how he left them last time with no real warning or explanation.

They stayed around the edge of the city as they headed to the orphanage, preferring back roads and alleys to the main streets.

Raine’s pace picked up as they got closer.

Around the final corner, they collectively slowed and Raine stood at the front of the group as he took in the building with a fond smile. He could not wait to let everyone know that he was alright and to, also, retrieve his armor as well as the Enlil armor.

But his smile quickly fell—as did Kira and Pangu’s.

“What do three beggars want with an orphanage?”

Leaning against the door of the building, with his arms crossed, Bofu glanced between each of them. He pushed himself away and started to walk toward them, flipping a large dagger in his hand.

“You would not happen to be here to see about adopting a child, would you?” Bofu continued with a smirk. “I am afraid you will have to come back later.”

“What did you do with them?” Raine spat and reached for his weapon. Pangu had to grab his wrist to keep him still.

Merra’s Kyrie disciple chuckled before quickly shifting into a more aggressive stance. He pulled water from the well and whipped it around, ready to shower them with it.

But Raine was quicker. He pushed back and nearly knocked the kid onto his feet with the force he used to return the water to it’s source.

“I knew it!” Bofu released the water, spilling some on the way but Raine managed to get most of it back into the well. “Gongji warned me that you might come by here and I figured this was the best place to lie in wait.”

“What did you do with them?” Raine repeated, taking his trident out now that there was no use hiding their identities.

“Nothing,” Bofu responded and threw his dagger into the air. He caught it by the handle with ease. “Or, maybe, something.”

“Move out of the way or we will fight you,” Pangu warned.

“Ooooh scary.” The boy shook with exaggerated fear. “You know, Gongji also asked me not to damage you too much. He has a weird crush on you or something. It’s creepy.”

“Stop dancing around the topic,” Raine growled and swung his trident in Bofu’s direction. He ducked underneath the swipe and rolled to the side.

“It hurts, doesn’t it?” Bofu laughed and evaded a more direct blow that would have certainly skewered him had he not been paying attention. “You cannot protect anyone or anything! You are useless, Raine! A terrible soldier and a worse disciple.”

The words made Raine stumble and he held his trident but did not throw it like he intended. His arm started to lower as the realization that his family was possibly gone started to creep into his heart.

“Enough,” Pangu whispered. He reached out, with his energy, not even caring if he was caught in the moment. He wrapped air around Bofu’s throat and held him in place, squeezing.

Kira had no problem in standing by and watching the kid die but there was too much at stake. Not only could Pangu draw Tiandi’s attention but Pangu had still, to the best of his knowledge, never killed anyone before.

And Bofu was not worth dirtying his hands over.

He ran to the kid’s side and grabbed his arm. With a glance to Pangu and Raine, he said, “Be right back,” before taking them both through a portal.

They landed in the woods, somewhere in southern Kyrie, and Bofu immediately started gasping for air. He rolled onto his side and coughed but, even through his fit he growled, “Get away from me Chaaya.”

“Is that how you thank your savior?” Kira mentioned and yanked him up, onto his feet, by the front of his tunic. “You need to learn a little respect or, next time, I will let Pangu kill you if I do not kill you first.”

“Oh please,” he said and let out a few more coughs, “That soft moron could never kill me. Just like how Raine, in all his incompetence, cannot do anything. You might have gotten Tianzhu but only because you got lucky.”

Kira held onto his tunic tighter and started to grin. “Am I lucky now?”

Bofu threw his hands about, probably feeling for any nearby water. When he did drag forth a small wave from somewhere, Kira easily blocked it with miasma. He then tried to reach for his dagger but, again, Kira used miasma to form a vine and snatched the weapon from his hand.

“Am I lucky?” he asked again before shaking Bofu. “I will tell you this—you have been lucky. You were lucky to have caught us in an ambush when we first met. You were lucky my focus was on rescuing Pangu at that sham of a wedding rather than killing you all. And you were certainly lucky that I was not around to witness you torturing Raine—lashing him and belittling him.”

His eyes widened and his jaw creaked open but he was unable to say anything.

Kira grinned from ear to ear. “That is right. He told me all about what happened. Those scars on his back have not faded and when I look at you, I see them in my mind. I see the pain that you caused someone I love. You continue to run your mouth and it makes it incredibly hard not to kill you. In fact, I would say your luck has run out today. Now.”

“Then just kill me,” Bofu said with a trembling lip. His eyes watered and his body tensed. “Stop talking so much and do it, coward!”

“It would be easy,” Kira agreed, “But not quite fair. A quick, bloody death might feel good but I do not think it is fitting…”

He released his hold on the boy’s tunic but then gripped either side of his face. The black from his fingers began to seep into his skin and, instantly, Bofu began to scream and claw at him for release.

“It hurts, does it?” he asked, quiet. His words were all but swallowed by the Kyrie disciple’s screams.

Miasma pumped into his body, sucking the color from his skin and staining large portions with black blots like spilled ink. His veins turned black, similar to Kira’s, and the whites of his eyes became bloodshot.

Bofu gasped, no longer screeching, and his hands fell from Kira’s arms. There were scratches all along him, some bleeding, but he did not let go of Bofu until he went completely limp.

He was not dead—not yet at least—but he would never be the same again. Kira lowered him to the ground and scanned over his work.

Either Merra would have to suck the miasma out of him and risk poisoning herself or she would, more likely, put him out of his misery. He recalled, again, the stories Raine had told him and he knew that many details had been left out. Really, Raine had only said something out of necessity, when Kira saw the scars.

Who knew what else Bofu had done?

Kira spit on him before taking himself right back to the orphanage, hoping that his display would draw any searching eyes to the woods where he left the disciple.

The second he returned, there was a gasp and a scream. On the front lawn, Raine and Pangu were joined by Ranmu and Ami. The two women recoiled at his sudden appearance and Kira smiled sheepishly.

“Sorry, I did not mean to scare you.”

Raine chuckled and rubbed each of them on the back, helping to calm their nerves. His eyes flickered over to Kira, however, “They were alright, just hiding inside.”

“Good.” Kira allowed himself to sigh in relief.

Then he caught Pangu’s gaze. The Xiang clearly had much on his mind though he did not wish to hash anything out in front of Raine’s family.

Kira hoped to clear some of his concerns and said, “I let him go.”

“The little tyrant?” Ami asked with a frown.

He chuckled. “Yes, I believe?” He glanced back to Pangu and added, “He may wish I had killed him though.”

[domesticblisss]

Nice to Meet You

Jay White x Female Reader Requested Prompt: “Hello! Thank you for opening requests. How about one with Jay White where he’s in New Japan and reader is in WWE and they end up following each other on ig or something and after awhile of messages and such they finally meet and get together? You can change things up if you want I just love the idea of 2 people from separate companies getting together lol ❤️ ” Rating: PG-13 Word Count: 1306 Warnings: Nothing, fluff as fuck with a tiny little bit of angst and some between the lines pinning and a little cursing. Summary: Mutual friends aren't enough for you to meet, but the internet is. A/N: Sorry it took me so long to post it, work has been crazy, then writer's block hit and when the inspirations finally got back to me, I had the shittiest week ever so I couldn't bring myself to write it. I hope it's at least a little bit good, and that my dear requester and you all like it. 💕

He always heard about her and she always heard about him. Only good things.

Shelley always gushed about how their styles were similar, Sabin went off countless times on how they should wrestle as a duo, and against each other, and Candice kept mentioning how they would look cute together.

But the friends in common weren't enough to make them meet each other and their hectic schedule never coincided. Soon, Jay shipped off to Japan full time and she finally got her NXT contract signed.

Jay was the one to take the first step. It was on a late saturday night, one of his few days off, when he finally decided to watch her debut match against Asuka after seeing it trending across social media and different news outlets.

She lost the match, but she gave the NXT Women’s Champion a run for her money. Hard kicks after hard kicks, asuka locks being countered several times, and the most incredibly performed top rope DDT he had ever seen. It was the hardest hitting women’s match he had seen in a while and he was amused with her talent, so amused he had to let the world know.

“@thisisfuryWWE nxt debut match was the best one I’ve seen in a long time. Can’t wait to see more of you 😉”

The message made her smile, the recognition from someone she always thought so highly of warming her heart.

“@JayWhiteNZ thank you! this means a lot coming from the #switchblade 🔪❤️”

With that came the mutual following on social media, then the likes, the casual comments turned into dm’s, turned into phone number exchanges, and soon, they didn’t know a life without each other.

Every day a “good morning” text would be sent by whoever woke up first and “sleep well” texts closed off the night. The time zone was messy, but they always found a way to talk to each other, losing count of how many nights were poorly slept and the amount of coffee they drank on the morning after.

Little “this made me think of you” messages were sent whenever a dog picture or a meme came their way, friends' dinner/lunch dates through FaceTime became a thing and every Instagram post got commented with an inside joke. Friends and fans started to notice the change in their relationship and soon their mentions were bombarded with speculating questions.

“Are you guys together?”

“When are the two of you getting married?”

“@thisisfuryWWE and @JayWhiteNZ get a fucking room already”

“I would if she was near me 🙄”

She was the one who took the second step. After a lot of talk with Candice, she finally realised her true feelings towards the kiwi. It wasn’t easy accepting them at first, she took longer to respond to his messages, the “good morning” texts were no more, and her answers were always short, until the fateful day where she completely stopped answering him.

→ I don’t know if I did something wrong, and I am so sorry if I did, but please talk to me.

She knew that ghosting him was wrong and that she needed to tell him the truth, even if her anxiety got the best of her.

The clock on her phone announced that it was 12:45pm, meaning it was almost 2 in the morning for him and that he probably had just gotten back from the monday tapings, tired and wanting to sleep. “Fuck it, he texted me. It’s now or never.”

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

He picked up on the third ring, his long, dyed black hair wet, sticking to his forehead, the droplets of water running down his chest.

“Hey! Sorry it took me a while to pick it up, I was just taking a shower. How are you?” He panted like he had just ran a marathon to pick up the phone. “I missed you.”

She had never seen him so vulnerable, the small tone of his voice shot a tinge of pain to her heart. “Can we talk? I need to talk to you.”

“Sure, just let me put some pants on.” Jay laughed.

He sat the phone down on the nightstand and she kept staring at the cream ceiling of his hotel room, thinking about everything and nothing at the same time.

“Is everything okay, I was worried about you.” Noises of shuffling fabric were noticeable in the background, paired with a string of curses after what she was pretty sure was him bumping his pinky on some furniture.

“Everything is fine. Is your toe still alive?”

“Yeah, yeah…”

She looked at him, really looked at him. The dark hair dryer, messy and no longer sticking to his forehead, probably the work of him aggressively running the towel over it. His fair skin pink after a hot shower, blue eyes shy, almost anxiety ridden with anticipation of what could happen next. She let out a modest smile, running the words she had thought about telling him countless times in her head.

“What is it, honey?”

“Jay, I- I need to tell you something. I don’t know how to say it but just let me finish first or I’ll die.”

He only nodded.

“I like you. Really, really like you. That’s why I’ve been off these past few days, I’ve been trying to understand my feelings and I ended up scaring myself because I’ve never felt this way for anyone.” she stopped for a few seconds, hands running over face and hair, taking a moment to breath. “Jay, I– fuck, I appreciate our friendship so, so much and I don’t want to ruin it, but I get it if this makes you uncomfortable and if you want to cut ties.”

Jay kept quiet, staring at her through the small screen, smile getting bigger and until it turned into full, hearty laughter.

“Jay, this is not funny. I’m not–“

“This is why you vanished? God, can’t you see I fucking love you too, you idiot?!”

Silence engulfed the pair again as they looked at each other, not believing what had finally happened. They exchanged smiles and lingering stares before continuing the conversation.

“I’m crazy about you, honey.”

“And how are we going to do this, Jay?”

“I am constantly going back home, you can come over when you have some free time. We will figure it out, baby.”

Three weeks of messages and video calls, three weeks of “I love yous” and “can’t wait to see you”, three of the longest weeks of their lives until they finally meet each other.

Jay opens instagram, her story bubble being the first one to show up. He clicks on it and is met with a picture of her in a red envelope dress and white converse, the same one he was wearing, and a caption that said “today is going to be a great day! ❤️🔪”.

🔥 reaction and a “see you in forty, love” reply sent, her phone vibrated in her purse just a few meters away from him. Little did he know she was waiting for him in the landing room, holding a small poster with “Mr. White” written and little switchblades drawn all over it.

She grew anxious as everyone but Jay left the plane, checking the time and if she was on the right gate constantly.

Five minutes passed, five minutes that felt like hours, and Jay finally came out, with sunglasses covering his eyes and his denim jacket in hand. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her, a smile growing on his face as she ran to him. He engulfed her in a tight hug, kissing her lips in small pecks that grew into one big slow kiss.

They touched foreheads after, smiling and laughing, not believing they were finally in each other’s arms.

“Hey, stranger.”

[bluehairedtracii]

Hooks and Coins|| Harry Hook x Reader Soulmate AU!

Requested: by @lemonypink

Warnings: Harry being cute 

Pairings: Harry Hook x Swann-Turner! Reader

Author's note: Oh my gosh this took so long! I’m literally so sorry! My motivation for writing has been a little iffy lately. Buuutt I’ve also been binging Criminal Minds soo it kinda gave me a creative push to start writing again. (Spencer Reid fics comin in the future) Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this fic as I get back into writing again. 

P.S. Melody is Melody from the second little mermaid movie, and I know she's kinda not mentioned again in the fic but just know that this is y/n’s best friend and that’s who she is lmao.  I also thought the Coin would fit well in here because of the movies just sshhhh. Enjoy!!!!

----------------------------------------------

"it's soon! I swear!" The night of your 16th birthday, the day your life would change.

The day you get your soulmate tattoo.

"Are you sure??" Melody whines. "I'm positive! Look, it's not even 12:00 on the dot yet- ONE MORE MINUTE!" You look back from the phone on your lap to your right wrist.

"It's twellveeee." Melody cooed.

"Please please please..." You muttered still hopeful.

Then it hit, well stung. "Ow, ow, I feel it!"

"Let me see!" Melody basically climbed on top of you and saw it before you could. She gasped "oh my gosh y/n..." "What? What is it?" You tried to pull back your wrist to see, but Melody kept it steady.

"Y/n, as your best friend, I have to warn you as to what you're about to see...."

"C'mon Mells, it can be that bad." You sighed and tried to pull away from her. 

"You have to PROMISE Me that you won't freak out?"

Annoyed, you sighed and smiled "I promise." "Okay.." she released your hand. You rubbed your wrist and looked at the small tattoo, "A Hook?" "Not just any hook... Penny told me about this." "This is the same hook as the famous Captain Hook himself! It must be his son!"

"Captain? So my soulmate is a Pirate? Like Dad and Mom?" Melody nods almost worried.

"Awesome."

--------------------------------------

"It's late Harry, your sister is gonna kill us if we get caught and wake your dad." Gill rubbed his eyes as he walked towards the galley of the ship.

"I know, but this is where the best lighting is...in a few minutes, I'll get me soulmate...well uh, tattoo I mean." He whispered and unlocked the door, cursing at the squeaky floors.

Harry turned on the lamp nestled on his father's desk. The room lit up illuminating the maps that his father and oldest sister had drawn up while sailing the open seas. He dreamed of nothing more than doing that, sailing and hailing a crew of his own, but for now, he follows Uma’s orders. 

“One more minute Harry.” Gill whispered looking at the tickless clock on the desk.

“Aye, ow! fff-!” Harry cupped his hand and flipped it to see his wrist, he bit back the pain as he saw the black ink form on his wrist. He’d been confused and tried to make it out as it formed. “Bloody hell, this sure is detailed in’it?” Gill loomed over Harry's shoulder, wondering what it was himself, Gill was sure he wasn't ready for his soulmate yet if he had to endure this much pain. 

Harry closed his eyes and exhaled as the pain stopped.

He opened his eyes to see the grim Aztec Coin staring back at him.

“Holy shi-” “Gil do you know what this means?!” “She’s spooky?” “No GIl, you git, She’s a pirate! and she’s a Turner...” He says in awe as he smiles down at his wrist.

----------------------------------------------

A few months later both of you seemed to forget. The events of your daily lives getting in the way. You’re training to go off on a sailing trip with your dad for a few months, and Harry is… currently Helping Uma get revenge on Mal by kidnapping Ben. 

But.. you were unaware of this. Obviously. 

Lonnie and you were fencing/sword fighting in the school’s courtyard (for fun) when you saw the boys rushing into the limo. You both caught up to them and questioned them immediately. 

“What’s going on here Jay?” Lonnie snickered full well knowing what’s happening because she overheard it earlier passing their room. “We.. uh..” “we’re going with you..” Lonnie cut the pair off. And this is how you went to the Isle of the Lost for the first time. 

They had told you the plan but left out the part about who they were going to have to deal with if the plan went south. You were nowhere near nervous. All those times you’d trained with Lonnie and your parents at the shop basically were all for this moment. Your pirate self was ready. 

Mal handed over the wand and you cringed a bit. “She’s gonna know it's fake…” you turned to Lonnie and whispered. “Shh I know, get ready..”  you prepped your sword and placed one hand on your lapel while the other was free to toss the swords. 

That’s when everything went south. You and Lonnie sprung into action and helped the others. The sounds of metal clashing mixed with the creaking of the ship and the salty sea air made you happy, it filled you with adrenaline. It felt like you were at home.

2 people fighting you at once, then three, then none, one by one you tossed them overboard.

You were caught in the crossfire between Carlos and some other goons so you ducked under them and sprung onto your feet right into someone else's back. 

You both turned to each other, swords ready, you saw him and you felt that burning in your body. The one that your friends always said happened when you met your soulmate… “Ow!” “Oi!!” Harry lurched back and held his hand. And so did you. 

“You…” he pointed at you “are you…?” you held up your hand and showed your tattoo. He gasped and smiled “I knew I’d see you one day..”  you said in awe. You heard Uma yell for Harry and his smile faltered into a smirk.

“Sorry lass, no ‘ard feelings right?” “Obviously.” You struck your sword first and your swords clashed with each other. “I knew you were good Turner, but not this good.” he laughed as you both turned a corner of the ship. “Thanks! Maybe I can teach you sometime Hook, You seem a bit rusty!” “Oi! My ‘eart Lass.. that one hurt!” 

You snickered and he had caught you by a wood post “awe, our first dance is over now?” your eyes sparkled. He smirked ”Aye if this were different, i’d very much like to get to know you lassy…”  he got closer almost closing the gap in between you two. And his lips brushed yours before you heard Mal and Lonnie yell that it’s time to go. You smiled “sorry Luv, it’s time for me to go!” you kiss his cheek and push him away into a hole that’s in the ship. “Oi! That’s not fair!”

You were the last one to leave and thought of an idea, you caught up with them and helped Mal to kick off the ramp back to the car. “Find me!” You blew a kiss to Harry and smiled, and so did he. on the inside, of course, he had to be “mad” for Uma’s sake. But right now he was anything but. He just met his Soulmate and she was everything he dreamed of.

-------------------------------------

Almost a year had passed when you had first met Harry. And you constantly think about him every day and so does he. 

He sat at the bow of the ship looking out to the ocean thinking about you. It’s all that he’s been thinking about actually. He’s waiting for the day you can be with each other and in each other's arms. You literally took his breath away, because you kicked him, but he was entranced by your skills and beauty. He dreams about learning with you, meeting your folks, owning a ship, and most importantly.. Sailing away with you to see the world. He was stuck here. 

Though he didn't know that you had convinced Ben (it took a lot of convincing) to let Harry over onto the isle for a while. Your boating trip with your dad had gone so well that you also convinced your dad to let you go alone this time. Your parents knew how a forbidden love felt more than anyone else. The love between the two of them, a humble blacksmith that was the son of a pirate and the daughter of a wealthy governor who found that boy so long ago. They were never supposed to be together in society's standards, but their love was the strongest bond. They granted their blessing to you, they knew you'd be safe. You’re a strong pirate and they want to see you the happiest you can be.

You smiled and looked out the window of the limo as it crossed the bridge. Mal and Evie both came with you so they could help you find him and tell him the news. You guys slip onto the docks while Mal and Evie keep guard on the limo and watch you just in case you need back up. “Ursulas…” you smile and cross through the swinging doors, you found him and you felt the burning feeling in your body again. So did he. “OI!” he dropped the basket of chips he was holding and growled at the mess he made. He was fuming until he locked eyes with you. “My princess has come back to me?” he smiled and walked towards you completely forgetting about the fries as he kicked them to the side. “Hey Hook.” you smiled and felt his hand on your face but he backed away. “Woah Turner you ain't gonna kick me ‘gain right?” “no.” you laughed and you both hugged each other. 

He took the two of you outside “what are ye doin here luv? I mean, you don’ ‘ave to make any excuses to see me, but you came all the way from the other side.” he laughed and pushed back a strand of stray hair behind your ear. You blushed and held one of his hands, but unknowingly played with one of the rings on said hand. He bit his lip smiling at your nervousness. “U-Uhm.” you were surprised by the nerves in your voice, you were never this nervous before. This boy is going to wreck you. “It took major convincing, but I finally convinced my family and Ben to let you come to Auradon with me for a three-month sailing trip…” you smiled and looked at him. His eyes lit up and he lifted you off the ground and spun you around. “Are ye serious?! Of course I'd go with you!”  “Great! We leave…” you check your watch on your left arm. “ In 30 minutes!” “Aye! I need to pack!”  you laughed.

 he backed you into the wall. You smirked, “oi, I've been trying to do this ever since the first time we met.” He closed the gap between you two and the feeling of his soft pillowy lips on yours brought you comfort and warmness. You kissed back and ran your fingers through his dark locks as he tightened his grip around your waist. You never wanted this to end. “25 minutes!” You heard the girls yell and you pulled away and laughed. “I've finally found my Turner..” “And I’ve finally found my Hook..”

[ultrahpfan5blog]

Retrospective Review - The Dark Knight Returns Parts 1 & 2

Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns is probably the most iconic Batman comic ever. So the adaptation of that was something that I was anticipating quite a lot. And even better was the news was that they were making the movie a two parter, which I felt would help capture the scope of the graphic novel. I think its fair to say that The Dark Knight Returns is one of the most successful and faithful adaptations of a comic book.

The two films are very effectively divided. The first movie deals with the return of Batman, the origin of Carrie Kelly as Robin, Batman dealing with Two-Face threat, and then dealing with the Mutant problem by taking on the Mutant leader. Like I mentioned earlier, the film is very faithful in its adaptation in both the animation style and the dialogue. This film feels like it is a slow build up. The conflicts in this film are comparatively lower scale than the conflicts that come up in Part 2. Part 2 is where we see Joker re-emerge at his gruesome worst. This version of Joker is genuinely deadly and absolutely terrifying. His death scene is outstanding. And then we move into the larger conflict between Batman and Superman, who is representing the Nixon era US government. The two parter genuinely feels like each conflict is just upping the ante. The Two-face conflict is the smallest scale, then the Mutants are a bigger scale enemy, Joker is an even bigger scale enemy, and Superman and the US government are the biggest of the lot. It works very effectively as a 2.5 hour movie. Because the source material is so good and time is devoted to the elements that make the source material so good, the film is constantly interesting and it doesn't feel it takes any shortcuts. The various villains are well established, the supporting characters like Carrie Kelly, Jim Gordon, Ellen Yindel etc... are well drawn out. A character like Yindel could be a caricature police villain but she's shown to have some growth and change of opinion.

There is honestly not much to complain for me here. This is a really entertaining movie. There are a few aspects of the story that don't translate great, like some of the dialogue for the Mutants. While the movie certainly gives time for all the characters to breathe, there are definitely some portions where there are some abrupt cuts and there are some internal monologue moments which don't work as well in dialogue form. Most of my issues with the film stem from some issues that I have with the source material. I was never a huge fan of the way Miller wrote Superman. Making Superman basically the government's lapdog is not a part of the story that I particularly like. There is also the implausibility of Batman at his age being so powerful. I mean, the character should have died a few times over in this story but somehow manages to survive. He seems to have super durability I guess. But that's about it. Its a damn good adaptation.

The voice acting is stellar. Peter Weller is absolutely stellar as Bruce Wayne/Batman. He brings a completely different feel to Bruce compared to all other versions of the character. Michael Emerson as the Joker is similarly very different from previous portrayals, but still very creepy. Mark Valley as Superman, Robin Atkin Dowes as Oliver Queen, Ariel Winters as Carrie Kelly, David Selby as James Gordon, Wade Williams as Two-Face, and Maria Canals-Barrera as Yindel, very effectively round out the cast. Jay Olivia does a very good job faithfully adapting this film. Obviously a lot of credit should go to Frank Miller and Klaus Janson for their work on the original graphic novel which changed the course for Batman in comics. For me, this ranks as an 8.5/10.

[jordan-of-dawn-and-storms]

Here’s more of my writing. This one doesn’t contain any triggering content (as far as i know). I’d love some feedback. Once again it may be a bit confusing without context, but that’s life.

“So that’s your idea of a fun night out? Breaking into a science lab?” Chris asked, eyebrows drawn up in what might be confusion or amusement.

“Hey, what’s more romantic than making a scientific breakthrough together?” Jay countered, taking hold of Chris’ hand. He was feeling bubbly, the excitement of the possible discoveries merging with the bone deep relief of still having Chris by his side. He knew that it was only a stay of execution, but he couldn’t help holding tight. Maybe he didn’t have to stay alone forever. “Besides, don’t you want to indulge your delinquent side?”

“I don’t have a delinquent side,” Chris huffed out, his lip drawing into an adorable pout, “i’m a model student. I’ve never even missed a single side.”

“No time like the present, right? Besides you are a person who wears camouflage cargo pants. That at least makes you a fashion criminal.”

“You’re wearing them right now,” Chris complained, his face so drawn into a face of exasperation that Jay couldn’t help but grin.

“They’re automatically fifty percent cooler if you stole them from your boyfriend. I don’t make the rules. Besides you’ll get to rack up some cool points now. After all what’s cooler than quantum physics?”

“Nerd.”

“Right back atcha, mister double-major.”

“So why am i here? Did you drag me along to stand watch while you break in?” Chris asked, sensing he had started a conflict he couldn’t win.

“We’re not actually breaking in. Who do you take me for?” Jay pulled on Chris’ hand until he turned to look at him. He smiled, stepping closer. “I got permission to visit the premises. You’re here because this will be really cool and i want to share it with you.”

“How did you swing that? What kind of professor would just let you use their extremely expensive and fragile machines?”

“Well, technically i’m just allowed to go there because the prof trusts me and i told her i focus better in the lab. The power is turned off at night anyway, so they would get alarmed if i suddenly turned it on.”

“So what’s your plan? Are you carrying a miniature atomic battery or something in your pocket?” Chris joked, managing to get a smile from Jay.

“I don’t think those exist and if they did carrying them in my pocket would probably kill me. I’m gonna turn the power on and have one of my nightmares hide it.”

“Isn’t that really dangerous? You panicked at the thought of them yesterday.”

“It’ll be fine. The Obscura is the fear of forgetting and being forgotten. As long as we stay close we won’t have a problem. We’re both protected by the crowns power anyway.”

“I’m only half reassured.”

“Hush. Take my bag,” Jay pressed the heavy gym bag against Chris. “if anyone asks you’re getting extra credit by helping me carry my stuff.”

“Hey, what the hell is in this? Lead?” Chris asked, looking at Jay’s frame. “How the hell did you carry all this stuff around? I’m more muscular than you.” Jay smiled at the return of Chris’ adorable pout.

“Well, when i made this body i put a little more strength into it. If you’re treating yourself you might as well get all out. And, yes there’s lead in that bag, among other things.”

“Wait, seriously? You can’t just drop a bombshell like that. How did you just make yourself a body? Can you give yourself superpowers? Why do you have lead in your bag?”

“I don’t fully know how this stuff works yet, that’s what i’m here to find out. The bag is filled with devices to measure ambient probability. The crowns power affects it in a weird way. Mind if i explain the rest later? We’re there.” Jay slid his card into the slot at the buildings door and waited for the small beep before pushing the door.

He led Chris around until they found the right room, opening the door soundlessly to let them in. The pale glow of the streetlights shone through the wide windows, painting the room in their orange hue. Jay took the heavy bag back and started putting the devices it contained on the table: a modified metronome, an apparatus filled with small lead and copper balls, a pendulum and a large, old video recorder. 

“I’m gonna call the Obscura and turn the power on,” he whispered, gripping Chris’ hand tight. “This may feel weird so hold on to me.”

Chris was silent, offering his support through a gentle squeeze of Jays hand. Jay took a deep breath and closed his eyes, focusing on what was lurking just under his skin. He focused on that rush of fear, on the pounding intensity of his own heartbeat. He could feel it, the phantom of pressure against his brow, the threads anchored in his bones. 

He breathed out and pulled.

There was a fracture in the air around them and through it something emerged. The world changed by remaining the same. There was a sort of static around them, not a distortion of sound or sight, but of reality. The light dimmed until Jay turned the power switch, flooding the room with artificial light, that seemed to writhe wherever it touched anything. Jay took another breath and pushed back, banishing the Obscura back out of reality.

“You weren’t kidding.” Chris breathed out, looking down into Jays eyes.”That was a lot. Are we safe? Is everything back to normal?”

“Let me check,” Jay answered looking at the various devices,”we should be safe. We’re not fully back to normal yet, however. The probabilities are still out of balance. That’s the problem with the counter science, you can’t have a reliable outcome if the circumstances are constantly changing.”

“The counter science? That sounds really pompous,” Chris taunted, grinning broadly.

“If some biologists can name something a ping pong tree, then i can name it however i want.” Jay looked up at Chris, the thrill of success making him grin. “Besides, it’s the science that measures how much power is in an instant of fear. How much a soul weights. How time flows when it loses its meaning. How the world opens at the right touch. It’s allowed to sound pompous.”

“So, what are you doing here? Is this like one of those particle accelerators?”

“Those are locked up a bit better. This is a centrifuge. I thought for once i wouldn’t start with the most dangerous stuff.”

“So what are we doing?”

“We aren’t doing much. The machine is going to do most of the work.” Jay pulled a bottle out of the bag and poured it slowly in the opening. “It’s the blood of a nightmare. Or whatever nightmares have instead of blood. I want to find out if it’s actually made up of materials that exist or if it works by other rules.”

“So, now what?” Chris asked, wrapping an arm around Jays shoulder. Jay looked up at his face, painted with the orange light coming through the window and the harsh artificial light from above. He traced the knuckles of Chris’ hand delicately and started turning the knobs of the machine.

“Now,” he whispered against Chris’ neck, “we wait.”

[punkinroses]

Alright gang I got two rounds of next gen kids done, let's move onto the ones who names I struggled the most with. The previous two posts can be found here and here, showing Zuko and Kataras family, and Sokka and Sukis families, respectively. So, here's the next family on the list:

Taang Kids

Jai Bei Fong is the eldest child of Avatar Aang and Toph Bei Fong. An Earthbender trained in the art of Metalbending by his mother, he has been requested numerous times to take over her school by others. He has simply refuted numrrous times that those running it now are more than capable and prefers to keep to a more minor teaching role in coaching. He has become a Pro Bender instead and has become a part of a very famous team -- and boy does he love to showboat, even if just a little. He does coach minor league and junior teams. He uses a lot of his jovial cockiness for the purpose of getting people to underestimate him and his skills, and to aggravate his opponents to cause them to mess up so he can strike at the perfect time. He has, however, been dealing with a lot of frustration in his own personal life with relationships that never seem to lead anywhere, the struggles of a single father and feeling a responsibility to try and help his family more with his own father gone and them all being...not really about it. Jai is considered the most handsome between him and his brother, with styled black (greying) hair, green eyes and fair skin with his fair share of scarring from fighting. He chooses to wear a lot of darker greens and silvers to match his metal, always wearing a metal cuff with him presented to him from his wife.

Jai lost his wife Reilah a mere few years sgo but it has felt like an eternity without her. She was his biggest supporter in his matches...and a bit of a rival for him, as they had been Pro Benders on separate teams. They always made playful bets on what would happen if one lost -- and one of those times he used to propose to her. He still lost that fight, but she told him that she wouls have said yes regardless. She was mischievous and free spirited, and a little hotheaded. But she was a very formidable Firebender who picked up some tips to better her bending from her in laws. Her career, however, would be cut after she fell ill. Her illness spread slowly and try as they might, there was no permanent solution to heal her and she eventually succumbed to it, breaking his and their daughters hearts. She had short dark brown hair, piercing golden eyes and tanned skin and had an intricate tattoo sleeve that included Jais name and their daughters name.

He has tried to find love again after her, as that was something she was very poignant on. "Don't you dare try and shut your heart off. Don't swear off finding someone who can make you happy. Or I'm coming back and lighting a fire under your ass." But, so far, all of those attempts have failed, either because of a lack of chemistry between the two and from rifts between his daughter and some of his potential girlfriends.

Their only child is named Anzu. She is a rough and tumble, bright eyed Earthbender who has her Dad wrapped around her finger, especially after the loss of her mother. She struggles connecting her extended family, however, as it feels like they all grew apart way back when, but she idolizes her Grandma and Toph is rather close to her as well. She's been struggling to learn Metalbending, but she's stubborn and does not want to give it up. She's also very adventurous, loving every "life changing field trip" she and her Dad go on, and has a collection of various souvenirs on a shelf in her room. She's on her own Pro Bender team that she's currently struggling to whip into shape and has been dealing with that stress on top of trying to be happy for her dad finding love again...but with the ones he brings home constantly trying to replace her Mom. Anzu has shoulder length black hair that she keeps in a messy ponytail, gold-green hazel eyes, and tan skin.

Nyima Bei Fong is the second born child of Aang and Toph. A skilled Earthbender who found herself drawn to the art of Sandbending as well as Metalbending, she has pushed herself to make her own lot in life. She has opened her own resorts across the Earth Kingdom, and one that'll be opening on Ember Island soon. She has wanted to open one close to one of the Air Temples as a way to find a reconnection with her Dad, but her sisters are absolutely against it. She's a very business savy woman who also wants to expand into other new horizons. She's also a complete smartass and doesn't take anyone's nonsense. In her youth, she, like her sisters, was very vocal in reformation to make better changes across all four nations and Republic City, and she was always the most ready to go full out for a cause, even if it stressed both of her parents out. She's claimed she's held herself to a higher standard in recent years and wants to find success while creating a relaxing environment for everyone. Though, if you press the right buttons, her old streak may come out. She's got short, curled black hair, grey eyes and fair skin, and wears muted colors that's topped off with a colorful, stylish scarf.

She has been in an on/off relationship with her childhood romance, Bo. The two have been almost married on four separate occasions, but things have always put a stop to it -- usually things started by Nyima and what people have suggested could be a fear of commitment. Bo is a good humored, free spirited boy raised in the Air Acolytes by his father Teo and has always had a passion for romance and making a positive change in the world. And he's always been able to pull her old spirit out of her when she needs it. He has medium length brown hair with some pulled back in a ponytail, grey-brown eyes and fair skin.

Their eldest child is their daughter Jesa. She is a happy go lucky girl who is very close to her Dad and trying to develop a closer relationship with her Mom, but sometimes feels like she can be too busy and lost a sense of herself, especially when finding old pictures of how her Mom used to be. The two have gotten a bit of a closer bond upon the discovery that she is an Airbender, like her Grandfather before her, though it's lead to even more tension between her parents and aunts who have polar oppositr ideas as to what Jesas' furure should be. She wants to define her own future, like her Mother did for herself and how her Grandmother did. Her best friend in the world is Lian, who she's always felt a big connection to. And after she finds out she's the Avatar...it leads to a whole new world of adventure. She has long dark brown hair, grey-green eyes and fair skin and she wears bright colors, namely golds and greens to honor both her heritages and and she wears a headband similar to her Grandmothers.

Their youngest child is their toddler son Bisang. He's a rambunctious little boy who loves wandering around the resorts and getting to be strapped up in a baby sling while his Dad air glides through the air. He knows no fear and loves to be unabashedly himself. He also is a bit of Mamas boy and clings to her and has been showing promising signs of being an Earthbender.

Tophs final pregnancy shockingly resulted in the birth of triplets. The eldest of three being Hien Bei Fong. A gifted Airbender, she was the first to get her Airbending tattoos after mastering the 37 levels of the practice and it's something she holds in great reverence. She has since gone on to become a leader amongst the reborn nation of Air Nomads and sits among the council, residing on Air Temple Island in Republic City. She works with the newest wave of Airbenders to teach them the old ways and do what she can to revitalize the culture her father almost lost. She was once far more free spirited as a teenager and even though she was a very loud advocate for change, she could find when she could relax and enjoy life. Now her top priority is the politics to keep the balance and to preserve history in the name of her Father -- something that has put a strain between her and Toph, who reminds her that Aang wanted her to be her own person and to have fun. She keeps her bangs shaved off to show her arrows, and the rest of her black hair pulled into a side braid, and has piercing grey eyes, and many remark her glare reminds them of an owl.

Hien has no spouse and prefers not to find someone to be married to. She actually used to date a lot in her youth, but as the years have gone by, she does not want to settle down with someone, feeling they'd never be able to selflessly love all of her and her responsibilities, nor could she do the same.

She does, however, have two children of her own from very brief, unknown relationships.

Her eldest child is probably the eldest out of all of the next generation, her daughter Dema. Dema has struck out on her own, away from her mother's strict thumb and rigid traditionalist nature. She ran with a circus for a time after first running away, before finding herself starring in the new and upcoming phenomenon of Movers. Her actress life has landed her a cushy life in Republic City, which has lead to awkward encounters with her mother, but she stands her ground on the decisions she has made for herself. And Toph always tells her "I think you looked amazing in your new film!" And she always laughs along. Currently, Dema is engaged to one of her more frequent costars, a nonbender named Raiden. She has long black hair, with long bangs, dark blue-grey eyes and and olive skin.

Her youngest is her teenaged son Tenki. Tenki is an Airbender wise beyond his years and is an avid bookworm. He's also the most relaxed member of the family and is very go with the flow, and wants to simply travel around, experience the world with his nothing but his books, and maybe rediscover Wan Shi Tongs library. He has a shaved head, having just gotten his arrows and dresses in typical Air Nomad clothes, with a prayer bead necklace on him at all times.

The second born of the triplets is Hayato Bei Fong. Nobody really knows why Hayato always had a chip on his shoulder. Born with the same airbending abilities as his sisters, he found himself struggling with it and his spiritual side, having more of a stubborn, hardheaded side to him. He rejected getting his tattoos and took to heart the idea of going out on your own and making a name for yourself, though it broke Aangs heart when he left after a fight and never fully reconciled with him. A fact that hit harder following Aangs untimely death. Hayato has since gone off to work in his mothers home town of Gaoling to help bring in industry and has been working on his own company to produce automobiles and motorcycles, rathering to focus on making waves towards the future than tapping into the past and to the spiritual side. Now if he could just get his mother to stop trying to drive one of his automobiles... Hayato has shoulder length black hair, usually pulled back into a bun, dark grey eyes and a small scar going through his left brow. He's discarded any bright Air Nomad colorings for blacks, greys, silvers, and dark greens.

Hayato has a husband named Kazu. He's a nonbender, and an author out to publish his own books and also writes news reports as a gig to bring home money. He has a taste for the darker fashion style of his husband and writing about the struggles and triumphs of mankind in a post war world. He has layered black hair, hazel eyes and pale skin.

The two are looking to adopt in the near future!

For now though, they are quite happy with their Crococat, Boots.

Born the last amongst the triplets and the subsequent youngest child, Huuro Bei Fong is her own terror twister of an Airbender. She was the wild child of her siblings, always getting into her own antics and probably the protestor that almost got her and her sisters arrested numerous times in their youth. She gained her tattoos after the creation of her own move. She has since moved to the restored Southern Air Temple and is always causing trouble for the new elders to show the newest generation how to have fun. She's also been known to be quite skilled on the Sungi Horn, much to somes delight...and others dismay. Huuro wants to help the Air Nomads to find fun, lively and searching for new purpose, to establish new traditions and celebrations while acclimating to the modern world. She keeps her black hair long, flowing and down, and her grey eyes always are full of life.

Huuro is here and looking for love around every corner! She wants to find someone who loves life as much as her and wants a life full of new experiences.

[ladyherenya]

Books read in June

I didn’t read everything I had planned. I was distracted reading other things and now I have to decide which library books I will return unread.

Part of me is stubbornly convinced I should retain my eleven-year-old self’s ability to borrow armfuls of books and read all of them at least once before the return date. Which is ridiculous. Back then I had fewer responsibilities and read shorter books. And having too many books to read is a better problem to have than running out of books.

Favourite cover(s): Thorn, Battle Born and White Eagles.

Reread: All Systems Red by Martha Wells.

Still reading: Descendent of the Crane by Joan He and Riviera Gold by Laurie R. King.

Next up: Aurora Burning by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff, and The Enigma Game by Elizabeth Wein.

One day I’ll get back to posting other things on Tumblr but for now, it’s just book reviews.

(Longer reviews and ratings on LibraryThing and Dreamwidth.)

*

Unseen Academicals by Terry Pratchett (narrated by Stephen Briggs): The wizards of Unseen University play football. This is humorous, clever, sharply observant about people -- very much what I’ve come to expect from Pratchett. I enjoyed it a lot. 

Girl Gone Viral by Alisha Rai: Katrina is horrified when a conversation she has with a man in a café is overheard, twisted into a romance, documented on Twitter -- and goes viral. Her bodyguard offers his family’s farm as a safe retreat. I enjoyed reading this and liked how it’s romance about a woman dealing with panic attacks, but by the final act, its priorities had diverged somewhat from mine. It wanted to get to its happily-ever ending, whereas I thought it had raised interesting issues worthy of further exploration and slower, more complex solutions. I wanted a happy ending, too, but wanted more story first.

Blame It On Paris by Laura Florand: I’ve read a few of Florand’s romances and even though the descriptions of Paris and chocolate shops were lovely and vivid, as stories they were not really my thing. But I loved her memoir, which is very funny. During her year in Paris, Laura isn’t looking to give up her independence, travelling or career plans for romance. But then her friends talk her into asking out the French waiter she admires. Getting to know Sebastien allows Laura to see France from a different perspective, and challenges her assumptions about serious relationships, her (American) culture and her own family.

Stepping From the Shadows by Patricia A. McKillip: A story about growing from childhood into adulthood. Published in 1982 as McKillip’s “first book for adults”, I can see why this is now out-of-print. It is strange, even by McKillip’s standards for strangeness. In merging the mundane with the magical, the mythical, it attempts something rather interesting and thoughtful, but it isn’t quite successful. However, the descriptions of places are wonderfully vivid, the narrator’s emotions are conveyed with intensity, and there were moments that felt like catching a fleeting glimpse of myself of a mirror. I didn’t always like it, but I’m glad I got to read it all the same.

True to Your Service by Sandra Antonelli: Kitt is sent on a mission to the Netherlands and his boss insists that Mae accompany him. This spy-thriller is, like At Your Service and Forever in Your Service, a bit too violent for me. However, I liked that Mae and Kitt talk about their reactions to distressing events with each other. In fact, the two of them are constantly discussing their thoughts and feelings about what’s happening, including the way Kitt’s job collides with their personal relationship. I really like the way their relationship is an on-going conversation.

The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer:

Cress (narrated by Rebecca Soler): Following on from Cinder and Scarlet. Cress, born without the Lunar gift for manipulation, has spent years living alone in a satellite orbiting Earth, using her tech skills under the orders of the Lunar thaumaturge Sybil and dreaming of escape. I really enjoyed this. I like how it wove in elements from “Rapunzel”, and dealt with Cress’s perception of herself as a damsel in distress, a girl in need of rescuing.  There is an increasing focus on teamwork and friendship -- this means we see the characters from different perspectives, and we also see different sides to them. 

Winter (narrated by Rebecca Soler): Princess Winter, step-daughter of Queen Levana, is determined that she will never use her Lunar gift to manipulate others -- even though refraining makes her a bit crazy. Meanwhile Cinder and her friends plot to overthrow the queen. This is tense and entertaining, and the narrator does a wonderful job of bringing all the characters to life. I love that the gang are so accepting of each other’s weird quirks and that the romances are given time to develop. I love their teamwork, banter and perseverance. The focus is on the characters’ relationships and the action, and both are excellent.

Thorn by Intisar Khanani: Fifteen year old Princess Alyrra is sent to marry the prince from another kingdom but en route is forced into swapping places with her lady-in-waiting. This retelling of “The Goose Girl” is riveting. I instantly cared about Alyrra, and appreciated how thoughtfully and effectively the story walks a line between darkness and hope -- between fear and trust, sadness and joy. Alyrra’s new life has dangers and difficulties, but also positive things -- satisfaction in her work, a supportive found-family. She becomes increasingly aware of injustice around her, but her story is shaped by her choices -- to be kind, to seek justice and bring change.

The Physicians of Vilnoc, a novella in the World of the Five Gods by Lois McMaster Bujold: Penric and Desdemona are summoned to deal with an outbreak of a mysterious disease. This could easily be an intense story and, oddly enough, it isn’t. Given the current state of the world, I’m glad Bujold didn’t go with the dark, harrowing possibilities and instead wrote about Pen investigating how the disease is transmitted while treating as many patients as he can. Still a stressful experience for Pen, but I was confident his worst fears wouldn’t transpire. And it was satisfying to get a better understanding regarding the best way for Pen and Des to use their knowledge and skills.

Hamster Princess: Ratpunzel by Ursula Vernon (aka T. Kingfisher): Like Of Mice and Magic, this is another entertaining twist on a fairytale. When Harriet helps her friend Wilbur to find a stolen hydra egg, they come across someone else in need of help -- a rat with a very long tail.

Battle Born by Amie Kaufman: A satisfying conclusion to Ice Wolves and Scorch Dragons, with a couple of unexpected developments and a lot of expected emphasis on wolves, dragons and humans working together. I liked the realism of this. Anders and his sister Rayna have both cool shapeshifting abilities and special status arising from their parentage. But their success depends upon the support of resourceful friends and wise, trustworthy adults. They save the day, not because they know all the answers but because they bring people together. This trilogy is one I wish I could send back in time for my eleven year old self.

Time of Our Lives by Emily Wibberley and Austin Siegemund-Broka: Two teenagers cross paths while touring East Coast colleges. There’s a lot I found interesting: Fitz’s fascination with words; Juniper’s enthusiasm and passion for the college-choosing process; the way they challenge each other; their intense family situations; and the glimpses of university life. However, I ended up feeling oddly annoyed. I was drawn into the story because Fitz and Juniper’s perspectives and motives were so very real and understandable, but something about some of their later choices and thoughts seemed too pat. Like the level of realism slipped slightly because the authors wanted to get their Message For The Teens across.

Tweet Cute by Emma Lord: Two teenagers, two business Twitter accounts and one very public argument about grilled cheese. Pepper and Jack see each other in class and cross paths training at the pool, but they don’t realise that they’re at war on Twitter nor pseudonymously chatting on a school-based app, like something out of You’ve Got Mail. This was a lot of fun -- super cute and full of Pepper’s passion for baking, Jack’s passion for his family’s deli, complicated-but-ultimately-supportive family relationships, and references to internet culture. I like how the story explores the strengths, the pressures and the problems of social media.

Text, Don’t Call: an illustrated guide to the introverted life by INFJoe by  Aaron T. Caycedo-Kimura: The text offers a basic explanation of introversion. It might be a decent introduction for someone new to the topic, but I found it a bit too basic to be interesting. However, the illustrations were great! Very funny and often relatable, and in one or two cases, usefully thought-provoking.

White Eagles by Elizabeth Wein: When Germany invades Poland, eighteen year old Kristina of the Polish Air Force has a chance to escape with her aeroplane ‐‐ and an unexpected stowaway. Her journey allows for a fascinating bird's-eye view of Europe in 1939 and of the challenges posed by such a trip. This novella-sized story is aimed to be both accessible and interesting to reluctant or dyslexia readers. It has moments where I, personally, would have liked more detail but I've worked with struggling readers and I think it's so awesome this sort of thing exists.

[m00nslippers]

The past is coming back to wreck Jason’s new life, in RHATO Issue #33

We knew Essence and the All-caste were coming back, from the solicitations/previews, but I don’t think anyone saw the second blonde love interest’s appearance coming. We probably should have though, since this whole comic is just throwing out everything people liked about Rebirth RHATO (Biz and Artemis) and bringing in everything from the New 52 run except what people liked about it, (namely Roy and Starfire being Jason’s besties). So...I don’t know, we’ll jump into this.

It opens on Essence, in the Thousand acres of All, going to see Ducra, or maybe her ghost. She’s supposed to be dead, I thought, but these All-Caste people seem to be able to communicate/exist as spirits. Actually I thought they’d pretty much been wiped out? I am really fuzzy on the All-caste stuff I need to go back and reread New 52 RHATO to refresh my memory, it’s just hard when the art is so consistently BAD after the first artist leaves that I can’t really stand it.

Essence implies that Jason is some ‘great darkness’ and it was a mistake to teach him. Which people have been saying about Jason since Stalin wrote him with the whole ‘bad seed’ thing so, sure, okay. Jason having the potential to be some kind of ultimate evil is actually cool in the sense that it acknowledges Jason is badass and competent enough to be a threat to heroes, which I like, but the idea that Jason would ever be evil is head-shaking to me. But Essence honestly didn’t say much about what’s going on but that Jason is the problem, so there’s no point getting mad about it yet, we’ll see how that develops.

We go back to the Iceburg lounge with Jason talking to Cobblepot through the fish tank wall, the usual “you won’t get away with this!” and “Oh but I already have!” and blah blah blah. It’s revealed the wall can go opaque and show a scenery to disguise the room behind it or it can be clear so Jason can see in, and there’s a little remote that controls it, and I’m already anticipating Suzie or Miguel finding the remote, pressing it and finding Cobblepot there and being outraged. Suzie might not be that outraged, I’m not sure, but Miguel probably would. I’m not sure if there’s a speaker too, because it’s clearly soundproofed since Cobblepot can’t hear out after he presses the button, some kind of Jamming system, he calls it. Which is basically elevator music. Should have learned to read lips, Cobblepot!

But Cobblepot, as it turns out, has some contingencies in place for if he drops off the radar, in the form of two shadowy creeps cutting fish at a production facility. The fact that he thinks his D-listers stand a chance against Jason is honestly adorable.

In the office, Miguel waxes poetic a moment about how he’s feeling all fulfilled and such, running the Casino. It’s maybe a little weird? Like if you said this guy was brainwashed right now I’d be like, yeah, I see it. I don’t think he’s actually brain-washed though, I think he’s just being set up to be really disappointed when he finds out his new situation is built on Jason keeping Cobblepot prisoner. It seems like Miguel is the ‘people-pleaser’ type. He feels most fulfilled when he’s being helpful. As a hero you save people, sure but people are also blaming everything you can’t fix on you, and you don’t get a lot of contact with the people you save after the fact, so being in a more mundane job where he can see the fruits of his labor actually probably fits him better, especially with a good boss like Jason.

And Jason seems to be a good boss, we see. He trusts his employees to do their jobs, isn’t breathing down their necks, acts friendly and positively to them, is concerned for their well-being and they can come to him with problems without him taking it out on them. He really seems to be good at being in charge, actually. People prop up Tim and Dick to be such great leaders, but they both act aloof and sarcastic and sometimes even take out their frustration on the people around them. They aren’t great leaders, in my opinion. They’re great tacticians and they’re very charismatic so people want to listen to them, but they actually are very frustrating leaders to have for their teammates a lot of the time. Jason does have the same bat-weakness as they all do though, in that he keeps secrets that he probably shouldn’t keep from his teammates and I think that’s what’s going to ruin this whole gig.

Let’s take a moment to talk about the art. It’s the same colorist we’ve had, who has been doing a great job, but we went back to the artist who’s been doing things since Dexter Soy left, and while I do like him, I’m a little disappointed. He does great bodylines and shadows and proportions are very good, I like the way he did Cobblepot’s nose super exaggerated, but...I really miss cute Jason’s face from the other artist last issue. In profile Jason looks okay sometimes, all the Su girls look great and most of the other characters too, but in front and three-quarters views it’s very strange and angular, I don’t like it. Also his hair isn’t fluffy and nice, it’s slick and spikey. Oh well, the art quality is still high and I appreciate all the work put into it, I just don’t personally like how Jason is being drawn, but It’s still better than the buzzcut, in my opinion.

But speaking of Jason, he looks awesome in the white, black and red tux, I love it. Jay in formal-wear, always nice. And walking through the casino floor he suddenly spies...

Isabel! Which I was surprised and actually kind of excited to see a little. For those who don’t remember, Jason went on like, two dates with her in the New 52 RHATO. She’s an airline stewardess and basically her thing is she’s minding her own business, runs into Jason and she ends up picking up alien guns and shooting people, and taking it really chill. And this happened more than once. They seemed to decide that Jason constantly being in danger meant they couldn’t really date, since even though she could seemingly handle being in fire-fights all the time unlike most people, she didn’t want that for obvious reasons.

...but apparently she changed her mind.

I personally am pretty committed to Jason and Artemis being a romantic couple in the canon, and I do not want to see him get back together with Isabel, but I do like her and I think she’s mostly good for Jason. This is going to be kind of interesting though because Jason also had a relationship with Essence, who is obviously going to show up later on. Honestly, the ideal situation is that at the end of the arc, Essence and Isabel are in the same room and Artemis drops in from a portal and returns, and all three sit around comparing notes about Jason and he’s just terrified.

But as they are in the midst of their fancy kiss, the casino gets attacked by Penguin’s contingency bozos. Jason says, “I’m not in the 'doing something’ business anymore,” which is kind of confusing to me? Like I didn’t think he was ‘quitting’ being the Red Hood, per se. Or maybe he genuinely thought he was, and he could do everything through his casino without being Red Hood anymore. I don’t know. But we all know Jason won’t stop 'doing something', in particular shooting people who have it coming. So I’m not sure if he’s outright lying to her, or it’s just strange wording. But also, where the heck is Wingman in all this?

So, the people who show up are the ‘Five Aces’ who I have never heard of. I’m assuming Lobdell didn’t just make them up for this, but maybe he did, I’m not sure. What I do know is there are four aces in a deck so there being five aces is confusing. But the Su sisters are on it and fight these guys and I actually really like the Su sisters, they are each of them very cool, even if Candy is sort of a discount Harley Quinn. They are all very snazzy and badass and I’m glad they got a redemption of sorts by teaming up with Jason.

One thing though, is they treat Suzie Su like she’s freaking invulnerable? She gets hit with arrows and an axe and doesn’t even bleed, like what? Clearly she has invulnerability and maybe some super-human strength, but no one has mentioned this ever, so...

The fight is pretty good, all the ladies got chances to be badass, the art was easy to understand and looked clean. And it’s actually nice to see people just straight up shoot someone, like we don’t need to make this complicated, just do the obvious thing to take them out, yeah? There was no blood, which felt unrealistic and a little insulting. The sisters take out four of the five aces, and I think at least three of them are arguably dead, since one got shot to hell, one had a bomb stuck down his pants and the other got his face blown up. The guy stuck in the diamond/ice might be alive but if you tell me the others are later I’m gonna call bullshit. But all this leads to the sisters remarking that this might be a diversion to take out Jason which...

Jason is running around with Isabel and she remarks, “Oh you’ve really changed,” which, no? Jason always tried to get Isabel out of the situation first, if I recall? This is perfectly in character for how he has acted towards her before. She was always the one who insisted on jumping in with him I think, but I guess she means him delegating and not jumping in too. But he only had Roy and Starfire before so he didn’t really have a choice back then. I don’t know, I guess maybe there is a subtle distinction, but the way I see it, before he stayed involved to help his friends and here, the Su sisters are paid employees who should be able to handle things on their own, and there’s a bunch more of them and their fighting the dregs of the villain bucket. It’s the situation that has changed, not Jason himself.

At this point the fifth ace appears, takes some shots at them, and Jason says, “Hold my beer,” for no goddamn reason. This line really put me out of the story. He’s not even holding a beer, or anything at all for that matter, the line in this situation makes no sense. Lobdell, stop forcing memes or whatever into Red Hood comics. I don’t like it. Yeah, Jason is sarcastic and quippy on occasion but he’s not this pop-culture geek you have suddenly started insisting he is? Like that’s Tim or even Dick, it’s not Jason, okay? Also, this situation might have been funny if he actually was holding a champagne flute or something? It’s a casino, he could reasonably have been doing that before. Or he could have handed her his jacket, I don’t know, then maybe the line would make sense. It would still be dumb, but at least it would make sense.

But anyway, Miguel uses his brick powers to save them from getting shot up and hands Jason a suitcase--the “security protocols”, which contains his Red Hood outfit. Apparently this was not actually a thing set up by Jason himself, Miguel did it. So give this guy a raise, Jason, he’s really going above and beyond for you over here. I’m thinking maybe it’s not that Jason has totally stopped being Red Hood, just that he is trying to avoid being him in his casino to keep the connection between Jason Todd and Red Hood a secret, which makes sense.

It turns out the fifth ace guy is one of the All-Caste, which considering the fancy swords and the fact that there are only four aces in a deck, makes sense. Jason calls him out and it’s reiterated that Jason is the ‘chosen’, the last disciple of the All-Caste.

They fight, the guy spouts some stuff about how Jason never should have been trained and all that jazz. Jason remarks that people are always trying to make him do things their way and he’s more or less sick and tired of it. Which, you can’t blame him, no one who ever tried to train Jason seemed to have his interests at heart, even Bruce really. They just wanted a biddable little ninja boy.

So that all goes down and Jason literally turns the guy to dust, that’s just what happens to All-Caste and Untitled who get killed I guess, they turn to dust because they’re ancient. Suzie is all worried about Jason which is kind of nice. Like someone actually giving a shit about Jason is honestly a novelty, no one in the bat family ever seems to wonder if he’s okay, Biz and Artemis gave him lots of space and just assume he could handle himself, only Roy and Starfire cared at all and Roy is dead now. So yeah, seeing someone rush in, worried for Jason, kind of endears me to Suzie. I know she did messed up stuff in the past but I’m sold, okay? If she goes back to being an irredeemable villain I’ll be really disappointed.

But the real important thing is Jason hides that he took out the other intruder. He isn’t mentioning the All-Caste stuff to her, or maybe anyone, he could tell Miguel and Wingman about it later, we don’t know. All I know is that it’s in character, Jason tries very hard to keep All-Caste/Untitled stuff to himself and the Caste and not involve outsiders, but I know for a fact it’s going to blow up in his face somehow. It all worked out with Roy and Starfire but I don’t see it going so well here.

And that’s it. This issue was a lot of set up, there was good action, a lot of stuff happened. I’m interested to see more All-Caste stuff, hopefully get some things about it explained. It was really a blast from the past and felt a lot like New 52 RHATO which...I have mixed feelings about. I was hoping or something different, that seemed to be what was happening with the Casino arc but it’s really turning a corner. It wasn’t as if the New 52 run was all bad, and I mostly like what he’s done with the Su sisters so far, but I just hope Lobdell takes the occasion to re-explain some things with the All-Caste into being more interesting or making more sense. Seeing Isabel again was a nice surprise but I personally don’t see it lasting. Everything is going to come down on Jason again and she’s going to remember why they didn’t really go out in the first place. Also, I have a personal bias for Artemis, so there’s that.

I have NO IDEA what is going on with Wingman, why the heck wasn’t he in the issue at all? He was built up as some big mystery and wanted Jason to go back to Gotham, but then he isn’t even here when stuff goes down? I hope this doesn’t turn into some loose end that never gets explained, but we’ll have to see.

[coffee-obsessed-writer]

When You Least Expect It, Preview - Part 8

Jensen x Musician!Reader

Preview of Part 8! The full chapter should be up over the weekend.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven

Spotify PlayList

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“Hey! Did I miss anything?” Rob said and plopped down into his seat, his beer now completely saturated in condensation from sitting untouched.

“Nope,” Y/N said and leaned back in her chair, “Jay and I were just catching up. By the way, fun concert tonight. You boys rock out like that at every one of these conventions?”

“We do,” Rob smiled, “It's usually a really good time. You need to start coming to more of them, you fit right in up there. If you’re up for it, that is. I mean, you and Bri sounded amazing together. That should happen more. Right, Jensen? Maybe I should grab her and Bri, then we take this act on the road?” He wiggled his eyebrows and playfully draped an arm over Y/N’s shoulders, drawing her into his side.

Jensen opened his mouth to respond and the lights of the bar dimmed on and off, before settling into a hazy ambiance. The duo took to the stage again and picked up their instruments for another set of four songs. While they played, Y/N took out her phone and zoomed in to record them play. She took less than thirty seconds of video before tucking it away.

“What’s that for?” Rob leaned in and whispered.

“I’ve been taking videos and pictures of all the acts so far, to put them out on the social media accounts. The followers have been growing a lot. Hoping by the time the pre-sale starts next month, all the final acts will be in place and lots of tickets will go fast once they get a look at the line up and diversity of the acts.”

“Smart girl,” Rob mused before leaning back in his seat.

As their second set played on, they transitioned into a cover of Etta James’ Misty Blue. Y/N knew it almost instantly. It was one of those songs that immediately conjured up a memory and not necessarily ones that she wanted to have present. Her initial reaction was that she wouldn’t let the memories of the song hit her like a tidal wave. But by the time the first few lines were sung, she was already being pushed underwater.

“Do you guys want another round?” she asked in a hushed whisper, suddenly desperate to get up and move around.

“Sure, but I ca--”

She waved Rob to sit. “I’ll go.”

Y/N didn’t wait and left the table in a hurry, headed towards the bar. She wanted to leave the club completely, but it was just a song after all. She just needed a moment to herself and she would be able to push away the memories of her father playing it on repeat after her mother left. Y/N didn’t want to think about how he would sit on the couch, staring out of the window at the ocean, most liking wishing he was out on the sea, instead of in the house he had shared with the woman he loved.

Somewhere around the second chorus, Y/N had realized that she wasn’t standing alone at the end of the bar, Jensen now standing next to her, reaching out to take her hand.

“Hey, you ok?”

Y/N shook her head but then chuckled. “Yeah, I’m just being stupid.”

He watched her carefully and could see she was far from the truth. “What’s wrong? Something is clearly wrong.”

“It's the song. Just… reminds me of--”

“The ex?”

“No… not at all. My dad, actually.”

“Oh,” Jensen breathed and pulled out the stool next to her and guided her to sit.

He stood right at her side and motioned to the bartender to bring over another round. When he looked back down at her, he wanted to offer some kind of comfort but wasn’t sure where the boundaries had been set. “Do you wanna get out of here? We can take a walk, or…”

“No,” she replied again, but this time gazed up at him and was struck by how suddenly grateful she was that he was there. She didn’t talk to many people about her dad, yet she felt comfortable sharing things about him with Jensen. “The messed up part is I love the song. But after my mom left, he played it repeatedly for months. He and my brother would fight about it constantly. Then Dave started being home less often, then eventually took off for good. I mean, it wasn’t just the song, obviously. They butted heads over everything.”

“What about you?”Jensen asked, just as the beer was left for them on the bar top. “Did it bother you?”

“Not then, no. I knew it was what he needed to work through it. That’s just how my dad was. I learned from an early age that music was how he dealt with stuff. Whenever he had a problem or got hurt, felt angry he would go to music. He was a man of few words, but you always knew what kind of mood he was in by what was playing in the house.”

Y/N sighed at his memory, and as the song she both loved and hated came to an end, she felt Jensen rest his hand on the middle of her back, gently gliding his thumb back and forth over the fabric of her shirt. She liked the warmth and weight of it against her and silently hoped he stayed just where he was. It was inviting. Soothed her enough so as she sat in the dimly lit corner of Rosa’s Lounge, she felt ready to trust him a little more.

What’s the worst that could happen? She asked herself. I end up singing Joy to the World, right, daddy?

“One time, my brother had stormed out after dinner, so my dad sat out on the bench and killed a six-pack. He had this on repeat, of course. I remember going out there and sitting on the bench with him. I wanted to ask him so many questions, but I could tell he just wanted to sit quietly. Then he started to sing along with it. And I mean, his eyes closed, a few tears in his eyes, and just this look of pure anguish, you know? He was ripe for a country song to be written about him.”

“Oh yeah, I know the look,” Jensen said.

“It was one of the few times I’d seen him cry. He sang through a verse and a chorus and then finally remembered I was there.” Y/N stopped and drank her new beer, and felt his hand still there only now slowly working its way to the small of her back. “I guess over time I just realized that music could talk for those would didn’t have the words to express how they felt.”

Y/N felt like she was rambling on and bit her lip to stop talking. Taking a gulp of the beer, she felt a sense of relief when they came to the end of Misty Blue and picked up the melody of some old Muddy Waters tune.

“I never thought of it that way, but you’re right. That’s how it was for your dad?”

Y/N nodded. “Me too, actually. As you’ve experienced, I’m not a great communicator,” she chuckled nervously and raised her glass before taking a sip.

“Oh, I dunno,” he said with a slight shrug. “I think you’re doing just fine.”

Y/N turned her head to look at him. His features looked drawn and tired, but his eyes were alive with something she couldn’t quite place. Being close to him again, and not just in proximity, but opening up about things that were very personal to her satisfied a need she didn’t even realize she had. Though he looked weary, he looked happy.

“You look beat. You should have gone back to the hotel to sleep.”

“Trying to get rid of me?”

“Never.”

“Good. I mean you’re not wrong. I’m fucking beat. But I wanted to come out with you guys tonight. I really did miss having you around, Y/N.”

“I think we got what we needed. We can call it a night. You have another long day tomorrow, right?”

“Eh, I’ll be fine. I’m used to these schedules by now,” he waved her off and ran his fingers along the rim of his glass. “Besides, we were talking about you, not me.”

“I would rather talk about you. Are you sleeping enough? Traveling too much? Please tell me you’re not just gorging on Sow burgers and beer every day, are you?” she asked sternly, though Jensen could easily see through her facade and sarcasm. She was asking because she cared and wanted to know he was taking care of himself.

“Yes ma’am. I am well rested, hydrated, and have even been eating my veggies.” He was teasing her now.

“Don’t give me that look. Someone’s gotta make sure you’re taken care of.”

Jensen smiled and looked up through the bar, watched the blues duo play for a beat before turning back to Y/N. “That’s your job, is it?”

Y/N shrugged, then changed the subject. “You coming out with us tomorrow night, too?”

“Do you need me to?”

“No. Not necessarily.”

“Oh,” he sighed, the disappointment oozing from that single word.

“But… I’d like you to. You certainly make it more fun.”

Tags are open for SPN or this series if you wanna hop on (or off)!

[theparaminds]

The musical puzzle that lays in front of artists is both sprawling and overwhelming. To make sense of the swirling emotions within humanity and form sonics that mirror them monumental. But in walks Umru. Just as the puzzle seems almost impossible, he reminds of the missing piece that had fallen on the floor. Like a breath of fresh air within pop production, Umru is solving different artist’s puzzles while also looking to finish his own. 

Based in New York, Umru is seeing production for more than its surface later ability. More so than just a collaboration tool, it is. in his hands, being transformed into a means of shared expression in a time of distance. In strengthening the vision of others, Umru finds a voice his own which carries through each of his works. This voice, ultimately, is telling a story self-discovery and freedom, stitching itself into endless far-reaching stories.

And so the puzzle sits on the table still with pieces missing, with a slew of holes and complexities. All of our puzzles do. All of our personal stories are united in the full photo being incomplete. But without individuals such as Umru, the pieces would be missing a lifetime. With every song he creates, one which touches another’s heart, a piece of their puzzle is found. The resulting image is slightly more clear and ever more beautiful. 

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Our first question as always, how’s your day going and how have you been?

Good! I’m alright, I've felt really busy, yet unproductive recently though.

In your eyes, what defining features in your upbringing brought you into the path you’re on now and what was their significance to you as an individual?

I’ve got two very creative-minded parents and was lucky to be in an environment with few obstacles in getting to do the things I wanted creatively. I was able to use my dad’s old laptop with Ableton Live installed for example. I think access to the internet was also a defining feature, moving through online communities from Minecraft servers to Tumblr and Youtube fandoms to Soundcloud and Soundcloud producer group chats on Skype and Twitter. I was in a very small town and definitely relied on these communities just as much if not more than “real life” relationships to develop as an individual.

What were the core visions you went into music with at the beginning and how do you reflect on those original mindsets and values?

I don’t have this stuff all figured out honestly. I didn’t start making music with an end goal in mind. I started working on music early on enough that I wasn’t thinking about these things, I was just finding sounds and directions I liked on the internet and wanted to start replicating them. Since then I feel like I’ve been able to carve out and develop a sound world that’s uniquely mine even if my influences are pretty clear, but I’m still an immature artist with a lot to figure out in terms of vision.

Do you feel there was ever a shifting or eye-opening moment within your career that made you realize what it is you truly wanted to create?

The closest thing I can think of is A. G. Cook emailing me and expressing his interest in the parallels between our work. This was in 2016 or 2017, I was a high schooler and “Soundcloud trap” producer. I was a fan of PC Music but never imagined my music in a Pop context. Not too long after, A. G. had me working with him on tracks for Tommy Cash and then suddenly Charli XCX. “I Got It” came out on Charli’s mixtape, Pop 2, not much longer. Then a month after I worked on it, all of a sudden, I had all this new attention as a forward-thinking pop producer. It definitely helped me understand that the lines between these worlds were more blurred than ever, and my direction has definitely shifted since then—as much as I still end up focusing on sound design and convoluted production techniques, I want to make pop music, and stretch what that can mean as much as possible.  

Now, how do you ensure that as an artist who collaborates heavily with others you don’t diminish or lose your own personal spark and vision? How do you approach creation with others to be able to allow yourself to be heard and not simply listened to?

I used to be very protective of my work and “sound” and found it hard to collaborate a lot of the time. But I’ve learned to step back a bit and trust everyone else a bit more and the result has been better music. Especially in the pop world it’s impossible to get too attached to your work because there’s just endless music that will never hear the light of day and I have to be okay with that. And the work that does get heard may go through many changes by others after I work on it, I’ve had to learn to get less bothered by that inevitable process.

Which artists in history do you feel you could work well and create great art with, even though to many it would seem like an impossible or confusing combination?

I’m honestly a lot more interested in working with people who are making the current musical moment interesting. There’s plenty of good music throughout history but it’s exhausting to think of everything in the context of the past. I go to music school and everything is constantly about emulating the legendary studios and gear of the golden era of recording which never feels that relevant to me. That being said, I would love to work on a track with Screamin’ Jay Hawkins, J Dilla, Sylvia Striplin, Wendy Carlos, or John Tavener.

What improvements and developments do you hope to see within your sound and artistry going forth and do you feel you’re near a point of satisfaction with those elements?

I’m never near a point of satisfaction, I’ve spent a long time trying to perfect a complex, detailed, sound design-based approach and I’ve still not made it far enough in that direction.  Now, I’m feeling like a more immediate, stripped down, and more fun style that’s less concerned with the perfect details is becoming my new goal. This is after hearing projects like 1000 gecs and waterboy by William Crooks that are in this vein. What I need to improve most on is songwriting and the simplicity and catchiness of pop music that I’ve relied a bit too much on collaborators for in the past.

What do you feel is your largest goal with creation and with your efforts as an artist? Do you feel it important to speak to others or is there personal learning that you’re drawn to?

I’ve never been good at speaking to others in any other way, so music is definitely the way I do it. I guess the largest goal is simply to create or help others to create music that positively impacts as many people as possible. Production ends up being a very supportive role if you’re the kind that works with recording artists, and that’s definitely a role I’m still learning to fill. If I can get super-rich and famous that would be sick too.

Looking forward, what has you most excited for the future and what moments are you ready to experience?

Music! There’s a lot of really important work happening right now and It’s gonna sound really good in the future.

Do you have anyone to say thank you to or anything you’d like to say into existence? The floor is yours.

Thank you Rylee. Thank you A. G. Thank you Tiam and thank you Paramind for having me speak.

                                                           -

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Cover Photo by Max Schramp

                                                          -

Words and Interview by Guy Mizrahi

[superchartisland]

Championship Manager ‘93 (Domark, Amiga, 1993)

One morning in my final year of primary school, lined up on the playground for the start of the day as ever, there was an unusual request from the teacher. “Girls, go inside, and boys stay here”. We boys were to receive a lecture on the previous day’s activities. As part of a self-organised Year 5 vs Year 6 football match, we had stolen school equipment, bullied younger children off the playground, and generally behaved disgracefully. We were not to ever do anything like this again. I say “we”, but until that point I had no idea the incident had happened. The teacher quietly acknowledged at the end me and two others, standing there taking this all in, had not been involved. As innocents being subject to the collective punishment stung a little, but it also felt like a small mercy. She hadn’t drawn attention to how we had failed at being boys.

For the whole of my childhood that I can remember, football was a vital part of male social status. You had to like it and to not do so would be weird and suspicious. Maybe even gay. Liking it wasn’t enough, though, and there were additional criteria. First that was in terms of playing it well, and then in terms of making the right gestures with regards to supporting a professional team -- humour with a serious edge underneath, passion but not too much passion. You should care but not show it too much. Similarly you should be interested and know stuff, but not too much stuff. 

Alongside my lack of physical ability, the point about how to be interested was where I went wrong. It took until I was 20 and living next to Arsenal to form any proper attachment to one team, and my early interest in football was expressed as a voracious interest in facts and detail. Like a lot else in life, I wanted to pin things down to patterns and rules that could be understood. I wanted to know more and more. If it said in a book with the approval of Gary Lineker that it was very important to pass the ball in football, then boys on the playground who weren’t passing the ball were wrong and I could prove it.

Whatever was written down there, however much I could tell you about past World Cup winners and the current club teams of Eastern Europe, it wasn’t enough. All I needed was enough to boisterously express a view on Liverpool’s prospects for the season, but I wasn’t doing anything like that. It was readily apparent to everyone that in football, as in so much, I was failing to meet lots of unwritten social rules. It was no surprise that I was left out of that unapproved school match. It was no surprise that attempts to join in were met with anything from bafflement to cruelty. I was as weird as the boys who weren’t into football at all. If I was alone in primary school, though, I wasn’t set to be for much longer. There were a lot of other (mostly older) people who followed football with an eye for exacting detail. And in Championship Manager, they were to find a paradise. 

On the surface it is paradoxical that a series of some of the most complicated games this project will cover should also be one of the most casual. Casual, that is, in the sense of ‘casual gamer’, players not tied down to those immersed in the medium of video games. The most arcane JRPGs or most layered RTSs have nothing on the impenetrability of Championship Manager. I try to picture coming into Championship Manager from a starting point of no relevant knowledge and can only imagine it being incomprehensible. There's the rub, though. Developers Domark banked on football’s cultural dominance giving them a big enough pool of potential players who wouldn’t be coming to it from a zero starting point, and they got it right. The initial release, without real players or quite the correct leagues, was a success, and by the time they provided a ‘93 update with a more accurate simulation of the new Premier League, it was able to top the Amiga sales charts.

Championship Manager ‘93, for all that it tightens up some aspects of the very first game, is distinctly raw. Selecting a team - a pretty basic task as manager - is an unintuitive mission, involving clicking numbers, clicking players' names and then working out whether they're in the right positions. Stacks of options baffle and obfuscate further. None of the actions of management are particularly easy to do. But what it gives you is detail. Information. More of it than you could possibly know what to do with. Look at the entire page of attributes given to each player in your squad. Examine the squads, stats and records of any team in the football league, even ones several divisions away from your own. See all the other teams playing games and making player transfers. Step away from the actions of managing your team any time and look into the clockwork detail of this whole world ticking along. Even the extended loading time when you start a new game feels reassuring as to the depth of the simulation it’s got to work on creating. Like in Elite before it, the sense of immersion in your corner of the Championship Manager universe is enhanced by being able to see the rest of it going about its business without giving a shit about you. 

The engine used to display each match to you stands out from other games as well. Championship Manager ‘93 provides a general statement on which team is attacking, stats for attempts on goal, and, if you pause, a constantly updating rating for each player. It doesn’t make any attempt to graphically depict anything happening on the pitch, and instead it just gives a sparse text commentary on notable events. “Goal for Arsenal” will pop up out of nowhere. Or “I. Wright is through on goal” quickly replaced with “But he shoots wide!”. The terse messages provide a much greater sense of atmosphere and colour than any visual engine was capable of in 1993, and possibly greater than any would be in 2019. I can’t imagine any picture’s thousand words competing with the six word story that is “Hendry booked. He said too much.” It trusts in the game’s player to do much of the analysis and weaving of stories themselves, correctly figuring there were many people well versed in that.

Championship Manager’s way of doing things came at just the right time. The success of the Premier League was making football’s cultural dominance ever bigger. The tendency to cite so many football statistics from 'the Premier League era' means that anything from twenty-six years ago feels a lot older still. Maybe there's a parallel with British games history all but swept away after the takeover of bigger '90s powers. Personally, I have only ever watched football in that era, and grew up playing later editions of Championship Manager. The effect of playing a version of the original game, experiencing one all-conquering franchise placed at the cusp of another, is all a bit Deep Magic from the Dawn of Time. The names of the Arsenal players under my command are a strange mix of the familiar and the not. I vaguely remember the name Anders Limpar, but him getting in a huff and wanting to leave after I fail to pick him proves a surprise. 

Just like my team, Championship Manager ‘93 is not quite yet the Championship Manager I remember. It makes the game player’s actions as a manager too limited and difficult and doesn’t fit them as compellingly into its wider simulation. Analysing what is there and seeing small actions pay off, though, is still a great feeling. Looking into everyone’s ratings, trying to make sense of the flow of information and adjust my selection accordingly, I switch Ray Parlour to a more attacking position in my midfield. Watching him then score the opening goal in the next match is a delight. It’s a game that knows how to make you feel clever, and does it by providing you a set of rules, a ton of information, and stepping back to let you take it on from there. It had already targeted its audience; the concept was perfect for me.

By the time I was a few years into secondary school, my approach to football wasn’t such an outlier at all. Maybe some of it was just getting older, but there was a wider cultural change going on too, as the increasing success of Championship Manager suggested. More and more people also played fantasy league competitions that encouraged a data-driven approach to watching football outside of single-team fandom. The spread of the internet and all of its cultural impact was slowly ramping up. And Championship Manager was a regular talking point with friends and classmates. At one point my football knowledge, enthusiasm and lack of skill led to them electing me non-playing captain of our class football team, and while this was largely a joke, it wasn’t a cruel one. I was familiar enough with those to know.

Championship Manager might be a casual game series, but it never seems to be the target of gamer ire directed at ‘non-games’. I’d guess that more Animal Crossing players play regularly play other games alongside that series than Championship Manager ones, but somehow the latter get left out of accusations of ruining things for real gamers. And the simple explanation is that the clear majority of its players are men. It might not fit in to all of the masculine standards of the old playground, but it isn’t ultimately threatening to any of them. It’s the boy standing there in line alongside the other boys, even if it didn’t perform transgression and strength in the same way. In fact, it could easily be absorbed and tied up with the worst of the standards, misogyny and assumed heterosexuality and all. The examination of British adolescent masculinity that is the TV comedy The Inbetweeners gives an illustration. Jay, the one of the leads most characterised by fantasist bravado, is at one point asked about the game and responds in much the same way as all his been-there-done-that sexual boasts. "Championship Manager? Completed it mate.” 

The parallel was one which the series’s own marketing has been keen to use. There’s the ad in which a woman in a nightie looks on disapprovingly as her presumed partner excitedly opens his Christmas present of a Championship Manager game. You will have an attractive girlfriend, it says, and you will neglect her to play your football management simulation, because those are the things that men do.  And then there’s the even more blatant ad showing spurts of sun cream on a woman’s bare back forming a tactical diagram, under the text “What man doesn’t think about it every 6 seconds?” -- masculinity, hetero sex and computer football management brought together in a tighter knot still, with a taunt that there is something wrong with you if you don’t fit them.

Looking back at that morning standing in the playground, receiving someone else’s lecture, it turns out that in the long run I wasn’t failing acceptable masculinity at all. I’ve grown up, the world has changed, and mine is the winning side. Following the detail of football and playing games that involve complex information processing still bring me joy. But I’m aware that just standing there and being counted alongside all the other boys is to be part of the problem. Amongst those there with me on the new winning team are a bunch of guys who are still mentally in the same playground and still seething about what they had to go through and that the girls didn’t, claiming they are owed something in response. Acceptance doesn’t bring relief any more. Seeing what goes into winning, I want to lose.

Amiga chart, Edge 003, December 1993