#Jax angst

[jax-interacts]

Painful, Disgusting Vulnerability

I wrote a Jax fanfic just a few days ago about him getting a migraine while working at Spudsy's then talking to Gangle for a while. I figured maybe it'd be good to share here :]

Wordcount: 1.3k

Content Warnings: Cursing. Descriptions of migraines, pain, nausea, and overstimulation. Heavily implied internalized ableism. If there are more, please let me know!

AO3 Link

Reblogs/comments/asks are appreciated!! I'm taking requests :333

Entire fic under cut :]

Why the fuck was this the adventure today.

Usually it wasn’t so bad, a breath of fresh air, a dim room, something manageable. But this? Jax wanted to scream.

His head throbbed within a rhythm that the fluorescent lights flickered with. He was legitimately going to kill Gangle later.

Granted, the lunch rush was over, that was nice at least. But it didn’t end the tightness in his jaw and neck as he forced his mind through every thought and consequential movement for that Spudsy Satisfaction Guarantee™

Whatever that meant anyway.

He finished serving a customer- one reused from a previous adventure, but he couldn’t care enough to catch the name as he closed his eyes tightly. Fireworks exploded behind his eyelids and he took a full second before being able to open them again.

It was getting darker outside, maybe he could take a second out there to escape all of this. He settled on the idea too quickly for his liking as he squinted down the room and walked to the back entrance. He knocked into someone on the way there, forcing him to take another deep breath to erase the upcoming nausea and he stormed past without a second acknowledgement. There was something said to him, either from Pomni or Gangle, he didn’t quite notice, but either way, it certainly wasn’t important enough. 

The moment he stepped outside and closed the door wasn’t pure relief, but it was close enough to it. He roughly moved himself onto the ground, stumbling partially on his way.

Why- why did they have to do an adventure like this? 

He shakily exhaled and clutched his temple. Maybe the walk-in freezer would be better, something cold to put on his forehead, but he mentally rejected the idea since it would involve stepping back into the chaos another time, even if just for a brief moment.

He considered his options carefully. Okay well maybe not carefully, but he spent a while considering the pros and cons. He started barely uncurling himself from his spot on the dirty pavement when the door suddenly slammed open.

Instinctively, he covered his ears and closed his eyes, unable to rise over the surge of pain. He took a few sharp inhales before he felt a presence on his shoulder and he quickly moved away with a small whimper. He looked at the direction and- Gangle.

He shivered, maybe from the cold breeze, and put his hands over his eyes, “What do you want, Ribbons?”

Gangle’s chipper voice felt like silverware on porcelain, “That’s no way to talk to a manager, and this certainly isn’t what you’re supposed to be doing! Didn’t I tell you to-”

“I don’t care what you told me to do. Not right now," Jax's voice quivered just a small amount. He couldn’t stop himself from talking, “Not right now, I- I need a minute. I need two at least.”

Gangle tilted her head but Jax didn’t look over at all, “You’ve already taken well over the allowed amount of break time for today. Do I need to give you some more training so you’ll-”

“Shut up, Gangle!” He looked at her for the first time during that conversation. Gangle’s face shifted as it typically did, a bit sad and almost wincing. She blurred in his vision as water rose- nope, he was crying. Dammit, he couldn’t do this in front of her. Kinger, Pomni- practically anyone except the one actually in charge for once, getting a high from the control she suddenly possessed. 

He quickly looked away and put his hands over his eyes. Aside from hiding the tears better, it built some nice pressure and hid the light further. “Sorry,” he mumbled. 

His anxiety struggled to build some kind of witty insult before Gangle hesitantly spoke, her voice much softer, “Jax… are you okay?”

“Peachy.”

“No, I-” Gangle sighed. The two were never close, how could they be? The only thing they had in common was the hell they were in, but even in that moment, it wasn’t truly shared. “I can leave if you want me to. I’ll take over your role for a bit.”

Jax looked at Gangle, forgetting the embarrassment just for a moment. The tears still remained in his eyes but didn’t quite overflow. He opened his mouth to speak only to exhale, finally pushing the water over the edge. He wiped them away without as much concern, no one would believe Gangle if she told the others, right?

“Um…” Jax awkwardly felt his mind blank, almost as if all the potential words he could use were floating infinitely in front of him, unable to be obtained. “I got a question actually.”

Gangle perked right up into her upbeat voice, “Go right ahead!” Jax’s flinch went well-acknowledged as she followed up in a conversational whisper, “I’m all ears.” She took a small step and sat down next to Jax, trying to clean the ground a bit before sitting. 

“Y’know the training you sent me to?” His mouth was dry upon the memory but he persisted with Gangle’s nod, “How does that work? Do you decide like…” 

Gangle continued after a moment, “Well I’m not sure what exactly you went through in there, but I mostly thought about you watching training videos, like on an old VCR. The kind-” she chuckled, “The kind I watched when I trained for my old job.”

Jax nodded to himself and remained quiet. “What about the darkness there?”

“Darkness?”

“Yeah, it was-” This was stupid, he already got a breath of fresh air, next time his pain surged he should just go to the supply closet and lock it behind him. Screw talking about it. “Never mind, forget it. I can work just fine.” He started getting up but his body naturally slowed him down with an even worse pain spike as he groaned and clutched his head. He felt her gaze pierce through his body, taking in the savory details. He excused himself in a rough voice, “I’m fine, really.”

“No no, Jax, rest for a moment.” She hovered near his body, encouraging him to sit without inherently making contact. He got the message whether he wanted to or not and curled himself into a ball. He forgot she was next to him until about a minute later. “To answer your question, I guess I did imagine darkness. The few days I trained, the lights were out, so it was just me and the old-fashioned mini-TV.”

She waited a moment before continuing, “I could try to send you there. With um. The darkness? Just that or would you want the videos too?”

“Just the darkness. No sound, I-” He looked at her, though not by much, still trying to shield any of the nearby light. “Why are you helping me? I…” He flashed through his memories, piece by piece of every interaction they’ve had, “If I was in your spot, I’d make my life hell.” He pushed out a constrained laugh, “It wouldn’t be that hard to do that.”

Gangle frowned. “This is different.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah.” They both waited a while. “I’m not angry at you.”

“You aren’t?” 

“Not at all.” She laughed sadly, “Maybe I should be. But… I’m not.”

Jax hated how he felt like a broken record, looping on ideas in the same way the pain rotated around, playing with his mind like silly putty. “You should be. Really, Gangle.” His voice became small. “This is probably your one and only shot.”

Gangle sighed softly with a smile, “And I’m okay with it going to waste. I’ll figure something else out if I ever wanted to ‘get back’ at you.”

His mind ran with a million questions, but he felt too exhausted to push any out, so he just numbly nodded instead. Gangle stood up, and there was a panged realization within Jax that maybe she wasn’t going to help at all and it was all a plan to humiliate him at his worst and send him right back to work when he finally expects relief. But all he really got was a succinct, “Goodbye Jax. I hope the ‘training’ helps.”

And he was gone. And it was dark. And he felt his body collapse beneath him yet the ground was soft and expecting his arrival.

[lavalamp-juice]

I really like this theory it makes a lot of sense!

Goose has said that there is a lot of symbolism in the show so it checks out (also there was so need to put that last gif 💀 /lh)

GUYSSS, I HAVE A THEROY!!! :000

So we all know that in the fourth episode that Ragatha isn't what she seems. (Evident by the confession she made about Gangle being annoying in her happy mask while on the stupid sauce.) But I think it's been hinted at since the first episode!

I think we all remember the moment in the first episode where Jax says that he put centipedes in Ragatha's room. Well...I was curious to see if it symbolized anything or if it was just a character quirk but...

THIS WAS LITERALLY SCREAMINF IN OUR FACES ON DAY 1! AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO WONDERED THIS OR WHAT?!

This is especially concerning considering that episode 5 and 6 are Ragatha and Jax's shared episodes. (Jax was the one who put the centipedes in her room...)

Am I crazy guys?!

[silly-monkey020]

OK. I was re-watching the tadc episode 4 because why not?

And I noticed Jax expression changed when zooble made the Joke about Jax not talking or whatever.

And it's not the first time, because in episode 2? He looked sad/upset about kofmo funeral but quietly got "mad" or annoyed. (Probably at himself for carrying)

In episode 4, he was able to show he was scared because he knew no one was watching him. I think idk

Uhhhhhh..... I'm not sure what I'm trying to say or prove....I just wanted to talk about this because I have no one to talk about my interests/hyperfixation 🥲🔪

[chameleon66]

The scene where Pomni and Jax talk, I noticed Pomni brace herself for some kind of joke or torment and was surprised when Jax didn’t do anything. Then looked kind of concerned after.

[faeyuh]

so. yeah.

Jax's Coping Mechanism (being the first n all)

If he was the first to enter the Digital Circus, then how has he survived this long? Without abstracting, I mean.

Probably the same way he's surviving currently. BEING AN ASSHOLE. Focusing on the misery of others instead of his own. Not giving a fuck basically- or, giving way too much of a fuck, so he distracts himself.

So, does this make him a bad person? If he's prioritizing his safety (not getting abstracted) at the risk of others?

Probably. A bit selfish, too.

But, to him, this is the only thing that will keep him going.

He's breaking, though. Just a lot slower than the others. He won't be able to keep this act up forever. And I think he knows this. Personally, I'm excited to see if and when he breaks.

Anywho, this post isn't really justifying what he does. Like I said, he's an asshole. But he's also being an asshole because that's what's comfortable for him- even if it hurts sometimes. It's what keeps him sane, and only him, so that's all that matters, right?

I'd like to see if he ever truly feels bad for what he does, maybe in a future episode. I'd love to see him go too far. Maybe bring someone else in the circus close to abstraction? I think that would gnaw at him for a while, if how he acts doesn't do that to him already.

How complex. He has the capacity to be good, but he's not focused on that right now. So he doesn't care if he's a bad person. As long as he's able to keep living.

Or maybe I'm just reading a bit too much into his character. Just thought this was interesting. If he was the first, that must mean he has the strongest coping mechanism out of everyone else- if he has survived this long. But this, unfortunately, does mean becoming the worst version of yourself in the process. If you want to survive in the circus, Jax's strategy is to sacrifice other's sanities in order to save your own.

Maybe he was a good person before he joined, and became a bad person to survive. Or maybe he was always this way.

Either way, his character is really intriguing to me! Can't wait to see the horrors he goes through next!

[sillypotatoess]

We all know Jax acted like he knows someone watches them.

We can tell he does this usually via Zooble's reaction. HE DID THIS AGAIN!

He asked if someone can see this. Did he imply someone in Digital Sircus or someone from outside? Maybe he knows someone tests them. Can they be in a test version of a game? Is Jack know that and act accordingly about getting tested? He can be only people knows the truth(except Caine) Maybe he implead someone from sircus. Maybe he just doesn't want someone sees he is weak.

[sunification]

JAX ANGST ALERT!

OK OK SO GOOSE SAID THE NEXT EPISODE IS ABOUT DEPRESSION ON IN THE NEW TEASER WE SAW THIS. IT DEADASS LOOKS LIKE JAX IS DEPRESSED AND RETHINKING HIS LIFE

[dodgeballstuckonthegymceiling]

This is going to be very angsty so I will warn you now. There's themes of depression and loss so if you're uncomfortable with that please don't read this.

Jax grieving the loss of the Reader

★ After the smoke has cleared and you get put into the cellar the first thing he does is go into a depressive episode. It lasts for about a month, just staying in his room and laying in bed. Not doing anything, just laying in his bed and feeling completely numb.

★ You are just... Gone. You aren't coming back. He's never going to see you again and that's the hardest part. You won't laugh at his jokes anymore or scold him for being too cruel. He misses your voice more than anything.

★ He should have told you how much he cares. If he did you might still be here. Maybe he just pushed you too far? It's all his fault. Those dark thoughts plague his mind when he's alone. He blames himself, when in reality it wasnt his fault.

★ During this dark period Caine tries his best to get Jax out of his bed. Staying in his room all day everyday was sure to mess with his head. In Caine's words, he needs to "breathe in some fresh, digital, air!"

★ He didn't want to, go figure. Unfortunately for Jax he didn't really have a choice because after a few weeks; Caine ended up fast traveling him to where he wanted the rabbit to go.

★ Depressed Jax laying in the grass was quite a sight for everyone else, who haven't seen him for weeks. He just plops himself in the grass and stares at the sun. Good luck getting him to play along with Caine's adventures. He can't even muster up the will to smile.

★ Your room is marked with a "❌" now. A constant reminder that you are gone. He hates looking at your room. The key to it Is still in his room somewhere but he will never use it again. Too many painful memories.

★ It takes him months before the grieving process runs it's course. Even after he starts feeling like himself again he still stays awake at night thinking about you. He will never stop missing you.

[copper-cu-29]

Redemption

[hannathecartoonlover]

I made way too many memes man

This is how I am bruh lol

[muffinman1st]

Ribbun Week: Day five (Tragedy (Angst))

Link to Ao3 post: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61210300

Ragatha sighed as she stood in front of the door. She wanted to help but they refused it at every turn.

“Jax please come out.” She asked, already knowing the answer.

“No.” His short reply was muffled by the digital wooden door.

She knew how he felt but what Jax was doing wasn’t healthy, it was only a matter of time before the unthinkable happened to him if he continued to isolate himself.

“Please, Jax. We know you didn’t mean for this to happen but there’s no changing the past.” She tried to reason with him.

“What would you know!” His shout was much clearer, probably standing.

“I know you want to take back what you did but all you can do now is try to be better. Would she want you to be miserable like this?” She probably shouldn’t try to guilt him like this but she didn’t know what else to do.

“You know how I treated her, she probably wished I abstracted years ago. Who could blame her.” Jax started, angry before ending in a self-deprecating tone.

Ragatha didn’t want to admit it, especially with how Jax was now, but he was probably right. All those years of worse and worse pranks would make someone like ‘her’ wish for it to stop as well. But, reflection and guilt could be saved for when everyone wasn’t worried he’d abstract and remain trapped in there until Caine sentenced him to the cellar.

Well, not everyone worried about him. Zooble has made it clear she wishes that would happen while Pomni, still being new, didn’t know what to think. Then Kinger, poor Kinger, still asks every once and a while where ‘she’ is.

“We’re about to have dinner, I’ll save you a spot if you decide to join us.” Ragatha ended, knowing it wasn’t likely her offer would be taken up.

She waited for a reply but when none came she shook her head and walked away. Away from the door with the picture of a happy mask with a large red X over it.

.

.

.

.

Jax stared at the door as he heard the soft echoes of Ragatha walking away. He turned around and saw himself in the large full-body mirror.

His appearance hadn’t changed, his digital body never showing the toll his mind had been taking. The only identifiable change was his eyes and frown, small but noticeable.

He went back to the bed, flopping onto the velvet red sheets and papers spread around. Each one depicted another drawing of the cast member, but each one of himself was scratched out. He looked them over again as he wallowed and curled up.

He missed Ribbons.

[sparklewolfglitch]

Here’s my theory of Jax’s Angst moments.

For every TADC fandom. None of you believe why Jax regrets it by being suffered. If you hated Jax, that’s fine with me. (I had enough of toxic harassment every time why Jax is being a hateful character.)

Please respect my opinions on my TADC headcanons.

[e-rrrrin]

GONE |JAX

When he sets his eyes on your abstracted figure he refuses to believe what he was seeing. It's only a digital hallucination! It’s not real. Maybe it's just a prank, right?

It can't be real.

It can't be.

He shuts your door room closed, trying to keep his cool. He's in denial.

"Haha, very funny (Y/N). You got me, now c'mon let's go prank someone else okay?"

He opened the door again only to see your abstracted figure charging towards him. Yep it's definitely real.

Jax only managed to start to process everything after Caine placed you in the cellar.

Jax locked himself up in his room, the realization of everything that had happened finally came crashing down on him. He stares at the ceiling on his bed, shaking and breathing heavily. Why, why now? Tears streamed down his face.You were doing fine yesterday! You were pulling pranks together.

He buried his face into his hand, sobbing while the other tugged on his ear. You were laughing along with him just yesterday and now you're gone.

You're never coming back.

You left him behind and now he's all alone again.

[theloraxisgoat]

guess ai can have feelings…..poor guy😢

Art done by chasm_craft

[chameleon66]

Ok, this new Amazing digital circus episode screamed to me.

“JAX HAS NOT GOTTEN HIS PRESCRIPTION FOR LETTING HIS EMOTIONS OUT THROUGH DESTRUCTIVE MANNERS FILLED IN A WHILE!!!!!!”

[omgneptunee]

let the purple bunny man suffer

i NEED jax angst im gonna explode

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