#Jannik really showed it all of them

[masonjarsmoments]

Mr. No matter what the haters say I will just win the whole thing

[forgave-me-not]

ROUTINE ANALYSIS ☆ J.S.

In his short life, Jannik has learned the perfect technique on how subtleties like all great observers have. And somehow, he'll always manage to use these skills on you. word count: 1.9k words - genuinely so glad someone asked for another part. had a lot of fun with this 🙏🏾 warnings: mentions of prayer/spirituality, kissing, sickeningly sweet domesticity

The day before a big match is always the most nervewracking. Excitement, combined with the everpresent fear of failure, finally settles into the pit of an athlete's stomach and waits to be cracked open like an oyster or left to fester as the pearls within those creatures do. And for you, it's no different.

So, to alleviate your very obvious unease, Jannik decided to take it upon himself, on his day off, to practice with you. Having already secured his place in the semi-final, he had decided one less day of rest would be worth it if he could help out the woman he loved.

Practice went well, by all definitions of the word. In fact, it went really well. However, Jannik's praises and your temporary feeling of contentment could not negate the fact you just might buckle underneath the pressure of the match.

The emotions showed at the end of practice when you crouched down with your forehead on the handle of your racket and prayed - aloud - out of Jannik's earshot, of course. You'd never been super big on outward displays of faith like that; you preferred a more reserved, intimate relationship with spirituality. But desperate times call for desperate measures and you had squeezed your eyes tight and prayed as hard as you could. And once you were done, you dusted yourself off, packed your racket bag, and trotted out of the facilities with your boyfriend. You tried to think nothing of it, so Jannik wouldn't notice. But he does. He always does.

Turning the shower off, you wrapped the towel tightly around yourself and opened the door exiting the bathroom. Steam and hot air billowed out around you, casting the light every which way. You looked down, hugging your torso; water drips from your elbows, and you let out a quiet sigh.

"From where I am, you look like an angelo dal cielo, dearest," Jannik says, leaning against an adjacent doorway. You turn away and smile. An angel from heaven. How classy. The Italian's charms never cease to make you blush, no matter how long you've been together. "Why thank you, Jannik," you say, walking over to your bags. You quickly found your nightclothes - one of Jannik's old t-shirts and a pair of spanx - and promptly threw them on.

"You played so well today, amore," Jannik said from behind you, wrapping his hands around your waist. You smile down at your bag. "Really now? Well, I guess I did have an amazing practice partner," you say with a smirk.

"You guess?!?" Jannik pulls away, and you turn around to see the Italian dramatically gaping at you. He faints onto your shared hotel bed with a hand on his forehead. Straight out of the opera. You roll your eyes. "Get up, you bum. We need to brush our teeth." The two of you make your way to the bathroom sink and go through the motions of a usual night. Bumping hips while brushing. Moisturizing each other's faces. Making gargling mouthwash a competition. You don't realize it, not yet, that Jannik is distracting you from the whirlwind of thoughts he knows is in your mind. And future you is already thankful.

You pad your way around the room, turning out the lights and straightening things. Jannik sits in bed rereading David Foster Wallace's String Theory for the hundredth time. He leans closer to the lamp on the nightstand. "You already wear glasses, baby. Don't hurt your eyes anymore," you call out from across the room. Jannik huffs and puts the book down. He knows I'm right, and he can't admit it. Such a man. While making your rounds, you glimpse tomorrow's outfit in the closet, and you almost forget yourself and shudder. Instead, you just close the doors and slip into bed.

Jannik notices you're not as chatty as usual. On a typical night, you'd be talking to him about your day, the funny things you saw on social media, weird texts from your siblings. But it's not a typical night, and Jannik understands.

"You are thinking about tomorrow's match, aren't you," Jannik says, looking at the ceiling. He still hasn't turned off the lamp, so the warm lighting casts half his face in shadow. You reach over and run your hand through his curls. "What makes you say that, Jan?"

"Oh, I don't know. How quiet you were at dinner—the constant sighing and staring into the distance, the praying." He says the last phrase with a sidelong glance, and you close your eyes and breathe. The jig is up. You sink into the bed and look away from him.

"Jan, do you ever get that feeling of 'I'm going to screw everything up once I get out there' before a big match? Because I sure as hell do," you whisper to him. The covers are pulled up to your chin. You're hiding. You're actually ashamed of a feeling so natural. And you aren't sure what upsets you more; the shame or the feeling itself.

Jannik mulls over your question. "No," he says flatly. You sit up straight. Jannik rises to lean on his elbow so he can look you in the eye. "For me, it's always the thought of 'the worst I can do is embarrass myself in front of millions of people.' And honestly, I think that might be worse."

You smile at him. "I think it might be the same," you whisper back at him. You huff, thinking of what to say.

"It's just... I've played countless finals and hope to play countless more, and you've invested so much time, energy, love into me and-"

"You know you can do it, but you still feel like, um, how do I put this, merda?" You've thrown your hands over your face. "Yes. Merda's the word."

Jannik smiles and pulls you into him.

"Well, I can't get rid of the feeling for you, but I can tell you one thing; you are one hell of a tennis player, and that other girl, your opponent, has nothing on you. Not your passion, not your personality, not even your attitude. None of it." He squeezes you with every compliment. A few tears prick your eyes. "So, I want you to throw away all of your doubts and worries. Win or lose, there is nothing you can do to get rid of me now. But you are not going to lose. I can feel it." His hands are on your face, forcing you to look into his dark eyes. You place your hands on his wrists and nod your head. "Okay, Jannik."

"Good," Jannik says with a small smile. And with that, he seals his words into your mind, body, and soul with a kiss on your forehead.

Jannik finally turns off the lamp, and the two of you settle into bed. There's a beat where you both just listen to the sounds of the night. The other's breathing. Cars still rushing by. The ticking of the clock on the wall.

"What did you pray about," Jannik says, breaking the silence. There was never much of it in your relationship, and Jannik knew he should probably revel in the quiet, but he needed to know one last thing before he went to sleep.

"None of your business, dork," you say, snuggling into your pillow.

"Ouch," Jannik says, putting his hand on his heart. You snort a laugh and close your eyes.

"I prayed that all your training wouldn't go to waste and that I'd win tomorrow so I can prove to myself that I am indeed that confident woman I thought...think I am. I'm usually pretty "go with the flow" but I guess someone finally got to me, you know? But overall, it was for guidance and strength."

Something in Jannik's chest tightened. Your tone and the way you described what you were feeling reminded him of himself. He leaned over and kissed your neck.

"You know what Italians call people like you?" You shake your head.

"il preoccupata. Pensatore eccessivo. The worrier. The overthinker. But to be completely honest, I think you are more of il filiosofa - the philosopher. You carefully study everything around you and try to put a name to it. And this time, you couldn't. Your, erm, what's it called when you test something over and over to see if it works?"

"Routine analysis?"

"Yes, that. Your routine analysis," Jan emphasized the phrase you just taught him. "You couldn't check the boxes, and that upset you. But dearest, you are not a robot. Feel as you feel, and don't try to explain it away. It's what makes you human; what makes you, you."

Your bottom lip began to quiver. "Oh, dispiace amore mio. I didn't mean to make you cry. Forget everything I just said.

"No, I-I'm not sad, Jan. It's quite the opposite. You're just s-so right," you blubber into his chest. "And I'm so lucky to have you."

Jannik dips down to kiss you. "Get some sleep, amore. You have a big day ahead of you." You're not sure if it was Jannik's words or all the stress leaving your body (probably both, to be frank), but you had the best night's sleep you've had in weeks.

You beamed up at the cheering crowd. It was next to impossible for you to contain your joy as you walked to the next to shake hands with your opponent. The look on her face was...kind. It was filled with a certain security that is hard to describe.

The two of you shook hands and gave each other a quick hug. "You deserve it," she says as both of you walk to the umpire. Another smile spread across your face. "Oh, stop it."

"No, really. You fought like hell," she says with a laugh. You follow suit, finally feeling the pit in your stomach be filled like a pothole in a parking lot. After hands were shaken and you waved your racket at every person in the stadium, you decided it was time to find Jannik.

You zipped your racket bag shut and weaved in and out of the people setting up cameras and ramps for the trophy presentation. Your trophy. Finally making it to the court entrance, you bounded up flights of stairs and traversed the corridors to your team box, where Jannik awaited you.

He spots you first. He always does. Jannik makes a few quick strides, scoops you up in his arms, and spins you around. You laugh into the air and place your hands on his shoulders to brace yourself.

"I knew you could do it tesoro," Jannik whispers in your ear, bringing you back down to earth. "I know, I know. Should've listened to you earlier," you say looking down at your feet, a bit embarrassed at all your worrying just for everything to turn out okay. He laughs and wraps a long arm around your shoulders.

"You'll be here for the award ceremony, right?" The answer is quite obvious, but you ask the question anyway.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world amore," he said, smiling down at you.

"Front row," you ask sarcastically as you shuffle towards the exit.

"Where else would I be, honey," Jannik smirks. You grin back at him. "Well, I'll see you down there then." And you turn to walk down the stairs.

"Oh, wait," Jannik calls after you.

"Yes, dear?"

"Ti amo bambina," Jannik says, leaning down the stairs to look you in the eye. Your heart tightens a bit.

"Anch'io ti amo, Jannik," you answer softly, closing the gap between the two of you and laying a light kiss on Jannik's lips.

author's note: as an athlete, those unshakeable feelings of imposter syndrome sneak up on you lol. even for the most laid back of us, me included. I remember this one time I got knocked out of high jump and really beat myself about it (I shouldn't have, I'd just run the 400m five minutes before and my legs were mush) but I cried for like three minutes and moved on to my next event. c'est la vie.

[citycircuit]

one (1) person said they wanted to hear more about the alex de minaur jannik sinner narrative so here we go

it is 2019. your name is alex de minaur. you are 20. you are seeded first in the atp next-gen finals, you have three actual atp titles, you're ranked 18th in the world, and you're an aquarius man; consequently, you are somewhat full of yourself. you wear tennis gear with your ridiculous nickname on it. you speak spanish every two seconds in the documentary, because you must show off. you believe you are, by all rights, The Main Character.

then this skinny italian wild card pops up and destroys you.

okay. that's fine. embarrassing!!! but fine. whatever. we move on. he's cool! you're friends! let's keep going. at the end of 2020, you run into him again in the sofia quarterfinals, where you take the first set and then he destroys you again. with a breadstick to really rub it in. he goes on and wins the whole thing, which means he wrecked you on his way to his first-ever atp title. fine! okay. whatever.

it is 2021. you don't see him again, which is just as well, because you have a soaring high and then a terrible low (string of r1/r2 losses). you drop to 34th in the world; meanwhile, jannik sinner has spent the year going from 37th to cracking the top 10. things are not looking great.

in 2022, you make it to the third round of the auso for the first time, where you meet—guess who—jannik sinner. again. you're starting to get really tired of this guy. he knocks you out of your home slam. thankfully you have a relatively successful year afterwards, climbing back up the ranks.

it's 2023! this will be your year, surely. you kick it off by winning your first 500. the sunshine double doesn't go great but you do brilliantly at queen's club and los cabos, only losing in the finals to top 10 players. then.... Canada.

you beat fritz. you beat medvedev. you make it to the final of a 1000 for the first time! and then jannik sinner is there in all his ginger glory, and, well. you know how this is going to go. bye-bye first 1000 title, hello increasingly miserable h2h. you start wondering if you're going to be there for all of this guy's career-defining wins. you start wondering why the hell it had to be you specifically. this is getting ridiculous. because now it's 2024 and he won the whole entire australian open and then to really seal in the whole thing he had to go and beat you, specifically in rotterdam to make some more history.

and like, you guys are friends. pretty good friends, actually. you played doubles once and it was hilarious!! but also, consistent and absolute annihilation??? seriously???

in summary i find their friendship absolutely mindbending. alex de minaur you must be the nicest person ever because personally if someone did me like this i would spend my entire life trying to blow them up with my mind

[alacants]

re: the juanki/rafa lore. i wonder if you have any thoughts about their respective academies? the more i read about ferrero's academy, and how it's been this slow, long process started by ferrero's coach and like they all still live there and make improvements vs. rafa's just kind of springing into existence in 2017 i do wonder if that caused any feelings lol. there was that one interview where juanki said "i don't think it's right to just put your name on smth and show up 3-4x a year" lol

HA god i can’t believe i didn’t think to incorporate that angle—great point, that zinger was not meant to be subtle. that it can be overlooked out just bears out your point, really. equelite is fundamental to any consideration of juanki and Rafa Nadal Academy By Movistar is more or less an entirely separate entity from rafa nadal the person.

to be fair i understand it's more or less toni nadal’s project? (what isn’t toni nadal’s project…) but also—it’s part of the rafa nadal empire. the rafa nadal industrial complex. are they even competing for the same market share? i don't know enough about that market to judge—my gut says no, and i would imagine that to juanki it must feel to some extent like apples and oranges. but also, i'm sure, like who the hell do you think you are. perfect opportunity to claim the moral high ground AND the martyr's mantle.

(btw i remember hearing something about young jannik sinner being... invited? to the rafacademy, but it cost too much. can't for the life of my track that down so if anyone reading this remembers that please share because THAT is a fascinating alternate history lmao.)

it’s really just their image clash writ large, isn’t it. "the best in spain" vs "the best in the world." "achieve your goals" vs "the sky’s the limit." "it's not about me personally, also there's a giant mural of my face in the cafeteria" vs "the rafa brand is our most valuable asset and it would be idiotic not to leverage that." the natural counter-positioning to Extraterrestrial Star is Humble and Hardworking, and if you don't shape your own image someone else will shape it for you.

here are two world number ones who have made their sleepy hometowns (or as-good-as) the locus of their post-competitive networks. now let's see how different they could possibly be. toni cascales advised juanki from day one to diversify for both financial and psychological reasons, so there was the academy. the hotel. the winery. the valencia open. these are all very, like… reasonable projects. they probably seemed ambitious at the time! Meanwhile In Manacor, we've got the rafa nadal museum, the rafa nadal sports centre, and the rafa nadal international school. ngl as very much NOT a rafa expert i went to double check my hazy recollections of scale and the reality vastly outstripped them lmao. they've even got their own juicy urban planning war!

(an interesting aside here is that in 2014 jcf academy… well whether they opened a branch in shenzhen or just lent their brand to the enterprise is sort of an open question. it was certainly presented as a branch of jcf academy, in cooperation with gemdale/hongjindi sports, but now it seems to be operating entirely under the hongjindi name. this is relevant only in the sense that it’s interesting to see these sort of tentative overtures that ultimately either were withdrawn or petered out. whereas a friend recently told me about the ig ad they got for a rafa nadal academy seminar in a suburb of boston.)

this is extremely rambling and discursive lmao SORRY. i have a lot of thoughts in general about juanki and the academy that is his parent/child/home/cult/identity/locus of self/ready-made magical realism prompt. is it a piece of him or is he a piece of it. did he make it or did it eat him. the fact that toni cascales still introduces himself as "juan carlos' coach, i'll be his coach for the rest of my life." i imagine that you in particular, op, have already seen this but for those interested in this topic who haven’t, watch no strings: juan carlos ferrero from (iirc) 2005 to get a glimpse of just how deeply juanki is embedded in the place, how it’s grown around him literally from day one. "he likes racing so we built him a race course here on the campus. so he can be safe. :)"

it's in the eye of the beholder as to whether you find this wholesome and heartwarming or a seething hotbed of unexamined hangups. guess which side i come down on!

[flatspot]

hello hello may i trouble you for an explanation of what it is about jannik sinner and jack draper that has caused them to take over my dash recently? i logged back into tumblr for the first time in a while and now everyone is tennisposting 🧍‍♂️

i mean. i'm very new here dfskjl

but i got suckered into the jannik sinner rabbit hole by @jannersinnik because there's a void in my life atm where hockey should be. and then during the us open him and jack draper decided to, out of basically nowhere, say they were Really Good Friends whenever they were asked (and even. many times. when they were not asked).

even his mother was out here dropping lore about jannik teaching him how to make pasta.

and then they played each other in the semis and it was a horror show. unclear how either of them escaped alive. it was touch and go. an inhumane experience all round. for us and them. and then jack immediately opened his mouth and went "jannik's only weakness is he's too nice :D" and jannik spent half his press conference yapping about how they know each other SO well and jack's been playing AMAZING and he really hopes they'll share the court again and he's so HAPPY for him and he's FOR SURE going to win major titles and by the way they're VERY GOOD FRIENDS DID YOU KNOW

tl;dr they played doubles once in montreal and made it their whole personality this week

[carlandooo]

Honestly, as much as the narrative is cute, if we really look at them, Carlos and Jannik don't seem to have anything in common outside of tennis... They have such different personalities too. So I wonder what would they even talk about? They have a lot of respect and genuinely seem to enjoy each other on court. But I think that's it. And Jannik does seem to get annoyed by these questions. Carlos on the other side seems to love them. Another big difference between them.

Well first of all we don't know them personally, so yeah... I think the different personalities thing mostly counts for how they approach the media: Carlos is really outgoing and Jannik is way more stoic and private obviously, but when you see Jannik interacting with people privately, I think he's really outgoing and laughing a lot because he feels way more comfortable with them. It's more of an introvert and extrovert difference imo, it doesn't necessarily mean that they have completely different personalities. Also, if everyone only would befriend people with the same personality as them, that would be kind of boring right? I for sure have different friends who all have different personalities, but we still get along well, and I think it's fun that not everyone thinks in the same way I do?

And for having things in common, well... they're both famous tennis players and they're around the same age, so that's already a big thing. And again, we don't know everything they might like, so they might have a lot more in common. Anyways, I think if you saw the way they interacted during their match... They didn't have to do that. Jannik didn't have to start talking to Carlos, Carlos didn't need to wait for him to leave the court, they didn't have to give a high five, they didn't have to laugh the whole time... I mean, how can you do that with someone you don't have anything in common with? They could've just not interacted with each other and that would've been fine too. Also, why would Jannik go to Alicante for a couple of days if he doesn't even talk to Carlos lol. Moreover, why would he record a whole court unveiling... But for sure, I think Jannik is kind of tired of always getting the same questions about Carlos, and he's probably also tired of everyone expecting them to become the new Fedal.

If I'm being honest, I also think it's kind of funny that when Jannik wins, Carlos is a great friend, but the week after, when he loses, he apparently barely talks to Carlos. Also, Carlos literally made a congratulatory post for Jannik 0.1 milliseconds after Jannik won the AO when he was kind of in a "slump" himself, and he even made a post with him after their IW match... Whereas Jannik didn't post anything after losing, lmao. (Of course we don't know if it's really them posting stuff, but if not, Jannik needs to fire them asap lol). That already kind of shows the difference between them I think. I think Carlos would never say they don't talk... But tbh this whole situation is really confusing the hell out of me, so I hope this whole post at least makes some sense. Thank you for reading my analysis :')

[angsty-prompt-hole]

WIP Question Tag Game

Tagged by @ceph-the-ghost-writer

Rules: Answer as many (or as few) of the questions about your WIP as you can.

Tagging: I'm leaving this as an open tag

I'll be answering all of them for A Hero's Call.

1. What was the first part of your WIP that you created?

The very first part of A Hero's Call that I created was the concept of dimension jumping in general. It was inspired by both the ghost portals from Danny Phantom and my middle school self's mighty need for crossover content from my favorite shows, and then I kind of just made a self insert to make those crossovers happen, and that self insert evolved into Kira.

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the intro song be?

So, when I was young and naive and didn't know how filmmaking worked, I wanted A Hero's Call to be a tv show. The intro song was always gonna be some sort of early 2000's rock/emo/metal song, and I almost always came back to In The End by Black Veil Brides. And honestly, I still stand by that.

3. Who are your favourite character(s) and why?

So, I love Kira, I really do, she's the main character after all. HOWEVER, my blorbos for the series are definitely Lucent and Cairn, which is really funny if you have the knowledge I do (that knowledge being that Lucent has ice powers and Cairn has fire powers). Lucent was a character I originally made to rp with some friends without having to use my already established characters, because I was weird and had stupid hangups about sharing my work, and she's kind of become my punching bag OC of the series which is how I know she's one of my favorites. I love making her go through physical and emotional torment.

Cairn is just fun for me to think about conceptually, because he's a villain that really could have chosen redemption, and he almost does at quite a few different points in his life, but ultimately he succumbs to the cycle of abuse and gives in to that darker side of himself. Also the thought of this very inhuman-looking dude having a Tumblr is SO funny to me (he is canonically VERY internet-savvy).

4. What other pieces of media could share a fan base with your WIP?

Any number of media pieces tbh, but the biggest one would probably be Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which was a HUGE inspiration for this project.

5. What has been your biggest struggle while writing your WIP?

Writing the beginning of it. I've struggled so hard with it and I can never figure out what's holding me back, which annoys me. And the more I write the more I discover that when I have all the pieces to a story that I want to tell, the writing starts flowing eventually. But with this WIP I've just had to drag those first few chapters out kicking and screaming from my brain and I can tell something is missing, but I don't know what.

6. Are there any animals in your story?

Yes, there are. There's the Shade family dog, a golden retriever named Gary (who is, in fact, just my real dog inserted into the story), and there's also Lucent's "pet" Jannik, who is a ferret-like creature called a skitnik. Emily and Pickle are ranch kids so they have a ton of animals that sometimes get mentioned, but Gary and Jannik are more central to the plot than those animals are.

7. How do your characters get around?

All the normal ways you would get around in rural Wyoming in the 2010's (cars, horses, off-road vehicles, etc). And, of course, dimension jumping.

8. What part of your WIP are you working on right now?

I'm rewriting the first few chapters (again) to try and get them ready to post on AO3 because I've been churning out fanfiction nonstop because of how much the kudos and comments go to my head, so I want to see if putting my original works on AO3 would spur me on to work on them more.

9. What aspects of your WIP do you think will draw people in?

I think that the characters and the worldbuilding will be the major draws for people, cause I have a LOT of lore and a lot of fun characters to introduce and I think it'll be fun for people to explore.

[josiahsterling]

✦ JANNIK SCHUMANN, CIS MALE, HE/THEY ✦ JOSIAH STERLING the THIRTY year old has been in Hidehill for HIS ENTIRE LIFE and was a STRANGER to Miyeon Kang, the murder victim. Whispers on the streets are that the ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEACHER who lives in HORWICK are said to be COMPASSIONATE and SELF SACRIFICING but I guess we’ll find out for ourselves. 

BASICS.

full name: josiah kendall sterling nicknames: joey, jo age: 30 years old date of birth: october 27, 1992 zodiac: scorpio sun, sagittarius moon, gemini rising gender: cis male pronouns: he/they orientation: gay

BIO.

(tw for mentions of addiction, drug use, alcoholism, and toxic relationships

your dad used to tell you that when people asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, he said he wanted to be a father. your mom wanted to be a ballerina astronaut. one of them got their wish, at least. your parents’ marriage was happy, still is. it’s the kind of thing you grew up idolizing. even before you were born, your parents were fostering kids, so growing up surrounded by kids who came and went was nothing unusual to you. as you all got older, things changed. your parents felt more comfortable taking in older kids once there was no concern about how you’d fare, and a couple kids even aged out from your home, adopted or otherwise. it felt bittersweet, especially as you got older and understood their situations. people always called your parents saints, and it left a bad taste in your mouth. this wasn’t some divine calling or some great sacrifice. this was just your family. your parents loved being parents, and these kids needed a home, even if just for a little while. 

that’s how jesse enters the picture. he’s a couple years younger than you. you don’t ask a lot of questions, knowing better by now. whatever he wants to share, he does. you do the same. it sounds ridiculous, but you’re almost more uneasy to come out to jesse than you are to your parents. it’s a stupid fear. jesse takes the news as you’d hoped, with barely a shrug. you feel stupid for doubting him. nothing changes. you watch him settle down, and it’s sweet. he’s young, but he seems to have it all mapped out. being an uncle is, like, kind of the best part of your life, and even now he continues to impress you. it’s stupid and cheesy to say you’re proud of him but, like. you really are. 

your own life is pretty uneventful. you finish high school, head off to college, slog through student teaching, and end up with your own second grade classroom. there’s a serious relationship or two woven in there, but nothing that sticks. you’re kind of glad for it, honestly. you don’t think you’d be a very good fiancé or husband. where would you even find the time? no, for now you’re fine being the fun uncle and wrangling other people’s kids into learning about fractions. your life is alright, if boring. you don’t mind it. 

it’s enough to put the past behind you. you’re a calm, even person now, but it wasn’t always like this. no, once upon a time, you’d had your little rebellious streak. it started out innocent enough. smoking weed with your friends, a little underage drinking, no big deal. for most people, it’s normal. for you, though, it escalated. you started to go out to clubs in nashville when you were 18, old enough to be allowed in but definitely too young to have had any business doing what you were. being the youngest in the club meant older friends, who did way more than your little small town stuff had even considered. you liked to think you were functional. you hid it well enough, at least. you’d go out, party with whoever at whatever house show or gross nightclub, and you’d wind up back home. you didn’t always remember how, or what happened, but it was fine. you were fine. it’s just a headache. you got a lot of headaches. those serious relationships hold up until they don’t. you always find some way to wreck it. but you’re fine. 

your parents find out because you start slipping. you’re not home in time to get ready to go see them on days you make plans. they call and you sound funny when you answer. it takes some time, and plenty of fights, but what finally cracks you is a close call. you feel like such a stereotype. you finally, finally agree to get help, and you beg them not to tell jesse, not to tell anyone. you check in to a facility out of state, and come up with excuses for where you’ll be during AA meetings. NA feels too daunting. Getting caught at AA feels like it would be safer. more acceptable. especially now, with a three year old niece, the idea of being found out before you’re ready to tell people makes you feel sick. 

so life is boring now. you got clean, you finished your degree, you put in the work to get your dream job. it hasn’t been smooth sailing. you’ve tripped, relapsed a couple times. you always feel like shit when it happens, a physical and mental sort of disgust. but now? you’ve nearly got a one year chip in the bag. things are looking up. then the murders start.

[starsaligncd]

DIRECTORY

*these are mostly vibes, and this will probably be updated as i go, and i’m also too lazy for pretty graphics so just take it as it is pls

eléa laverren | autumn court lady

eléa is one of the youngest of the laverren family, and where many others in her position would love to have work to do and something to focus on, she doesn’t care about anything like that. eléa excels at living her life without truly doing any hard work. she is easily bored, and when she doesn’t use the boredom to practice her magic, she can be found running around to find others to annoy. she is very much an extroverted soul and loves an interesting conversation. she knows everyone at the autumn court by name, and usually has a few facts up her sleeve to make them feel as if she truly knows them. as much as she loves people, she also loves to just sit in front of a fire and let her thoughts wander or take a walk around the forests.

fae / not promised / madelyn cline

filiz sadik | night court spy

when filiz was young, no one took her seriously. and to this day, that has still remained with some. others looked at the pretty fae thinking there was not much more to her than pretty eyes, porcelain skin, and silky hair. no one expect as much wit and intelligence to be sitting behind those exact same pretty eyes. filiz was easily annoyed when she was brushed off by those older or seemingly wiser than her, but with time, she learned how to appreciate the perks behind it. filiz learned that since no one took her seriously and expected her to be just a pretty shell, no one shied away to talk about more serious topics in front of her. she learned to blend into the shadows, or to make people believe she did not understand a thing they talked about by sporting a pretty smile. behind that facade, filiz memorized secrets of everyone she passed. with time, she also added the skill of seduction to her palette, luring information from others with her lips and tongue. filiz prides herself on having become one of the most successful spies for the night court, collecting secrets like trophies, and keeping them all close to her in case she can use them one day.

fae / not promised / ayca aysin turan

maël desjardins | spring court high lord

one could argue that maël was not exactly made to be a high lord, even if he was born into the line. he is not exactly thrilled to have as much responsibility thrust onto his shoulders, and is constantly trying to dodge it by delegating important tasks to the people around him - basically, his court is run by anyone but him. maël became high lord at quite a young age after the sudden death of his father, he had not enough knowledge to really be good at his job, and that showed. while maël is incredibly charming and good at making people feel cherished and loved, everything important is not his strong suit. right after his father’s death, he was so lost that his uncle stepped in and helped him with almost everything. he was not a kind man though, and often made it clear with actions and words that he did not see maël to be fit to be a high lord. while maël licked his wounds in his sister’s arms, his uncle plotted his death behind his back. though one day, his uncle disappeared without a trace. maël did not think much of it, but was glad to get rid of the man. maël has become a bit better at being high lord over the years, but still prefers to leave the important tasks to his hand (also has no idea of all the bad things going on behind the scenes as his hand keeps them from him). sidenote: he loves to shapeshift into a big eagle to fly around and escape his responsibilities. also the only other thing he got going for him is that he is great at curse breaking and knows how to throw a good ball!

fae / not promised (but might be screwing his hand behind the scenes) / jannik schümann

rémi rousseau | mortal lands war general

rémi was born as just a simply boy with a single mother after his father died in battle. though he never came to know the man, he was hellbent of following in his father’s footstep, no matter what it might cost. at five years old, he would train with the older kids on the street with a wooden sword in hand, at age eleven he was already carrying a real sword. he would not stop, no matter how often he could barely walk because of injuries or muscle aches. eventually, he succeeded to make it, with hard work he climbed the ladder to become war general. since, he’s fought many battles, and hardly lived his life for himself. he knows how to let off some steam and frustrations, but he holds his position to a very high standard and would never compromise it for anything. loyal to the end.

human / not promised / ben barnes

rhys theroux | winter court spymaster

ever since he was a young boy, rhys wanted to be one of the most important and influential people at the winter court. he watched those surrounding the high lord and lady in awe, and dreamt of one day walking next to them and whispering secrets into their ears. instead, he trained to become one of their army, and for a long time, he was successful at what he did. many watched him and thought he would become war general one day, and when he had almost made it, a battle injury stopped him from pursuing a path he never fully enjoyed anyway. while the injury healed, it opened his eyes to what he really wanted. he didn’t want mindless fights on a battlefield, to command armies to war. he wanted to be the master in the shadow, to weave a web behind the scenes. as someone who already held a high reputation, it turned out to be easier than he thought to slide into the role of the spymaster. what rhys did not expect, however, was to fall for his high lady. his integrity as spymaster might be questionable anyway, but he did not expect to end up wanting his own high lady. in fact, he can often be found grumpy and brooding because of the situation. at times, he flirts to make her jealous, but he never seriously goes a route beyond that, as his heart is already taken. 

fae / not officially promised but a complete goner for his high lady / casey deidrick

şeyda suvari | winter court lady

growing up, all şeyda knew was living poor. she knew dreamy stories, had heard whispers about the fact that it used to be different for their family - that her mother was nobility, and that something had happened that made the family lose all its titles and lands. but to şeyda these whispers often sounded like the story of someone else. she and her sister never had anything good growing up, except each other. eventually, her sister then managed to get them out from where they started - as selin became the high lady of winter court, at first şeyda was incredibly grateful to be able to follow her sister to court, and that selin made sure she was well respected. but soon enough şeyda started to wish she could fend for herself. she wanted to be independent, to not have to rely on her sister’s power. she now saw how courts worked, and she knew she had to make sure no matter what happened, she would be well off herself. unfortunately, when her sister made sure she would find a betrothed, said man didn’t seem to find much interest in şeyda. for the better part of 15 years she has been trying to face the man she is supposed to marry, but he has dodged all of her attempts to meet him. with time, şeyda has grown quite frustrated, and most people at the winter court have learned not to annoy her until absolutely necessary. the only exception to the rule is, of course, her sister.

fae / has a betrothed but is starting to think he doesn’t actually exist / hande ercel

talayeh rashidi | summer court healer

talayeh doesn’t remember a life in which she was not alone. the fae lost her family when she was just a child, and for a long time, she was just a shadow in the lives of fae around her - forgotten in a corner, missed at dinner, left to fend for herself. as a gentle soul, talayeh never found anyone to be guilty of doing these things on purpose. she saw how other families could be loving or the opposite, how some fae children had siblings to play or fight with, but to her none of that ever seemed real. it was hard for her to fathom what it must be like to not be alone in life, and alone with your thoughts. she is a quiet woman, one who doesn’t mind being silent for hours on end. when she speaks, her voice is usually quiet, as she learned as a child not to disturb anyone by speaking too loudly. her impressive healing skills were discovered by accident, when she came to the aid of a man in need. she healed his severe wounds quickly, and soon enough, for the first time in her life, people were talking about her. talayeh was eventually promoted to become healer at court, an honour for her. while she doesn’t particularly see the sense in fights, she is happy help anyone in need without judging them for their actions.

fae / not promised / golshifteh farahani

[alcarenka]

Obviously I don't know these athletes at all so *shrugs*. But I saw your blog and was like omg someone I can talk to. Like I said, don't know Sinner at all. And like only recently got into tennis. But looking through the past few months of tennis history, he seems a bit two-faced? Flaky?

Not him, Alcaraz and their coaches saying they are friends and then for him to turn around and be like "nope not friends, hardly know this guy." And then suddenly he's this close with Draper? I wonder what he'll be like with Draper if Draper starts winning against him.

I mean maybe it is really hard to stay friends/friendly with people when you're both athletes at this top level. What do I know? I'm just at my corporate job trying my best. But it still leaves a bit of a bad taste when you look at Alcaraz and he seems genuinely so happy for all his other competitors if they win.

Hi anon!!!!

In my case, I also do not know them personally, only because I interacted with some of them thanks to attending Barcelona open and mutua madrid open. But yeah, the narrative of jannik and Carlitos’ friendship has changed a lot if u ask me. As you said, it is a little bit flaky because a while ago jannik said that he and carlos were friends even he went to ferrero’s academy to train with Carlos. Secondly, Ferrero said that carlos and jannik had a good friendship and got along well. Also Darren said that they (jannik and Carlos) complemented each other on and off the tennis court and even got along very well as rivals off the court.

Anyway, I always feel that this friendship was/is unidirectional because Carlos always said good things to him (at least publicly) but carlos never received good things from jannik. For example, carlos always congratulated jannik on his victories and titles but for example this year, jannik has never congratulated Carlos on his victories in Indian well, Roland Garros or Wimbledon. This is one of the much examples that show that this friendship is unidirectional. And also I have to say I do not believe in the excuse of “Jannik is introverted, he does not do these things bla bla bla” because I am introvert too and I congratulate people on their success, this is a matter of education and respect, not because personality.

And all the friendship with draper, I think jannik is a good friend with jack because draper cannot win jannik in this moment. In the case draper starts to beat jannik, I will not be sure that the friendship will last. As we said in Spain for this situation, “otro gallo cantaría” that means “things would be different”. I mean a lot of people say that jannik is not longer carlos’ friend because carlos is one of the few players that can beat him and rumours said that jannik is kinda jealous with Carlos’ success.

Finally, I also feel very sorry for Carlitos because he is a very good boy who has good intentions, he behaves very well with everyone and is happy about the good things in others (or he worries if something bad has happened to another person). He does not deserve this “contempt” because the poor guy always give but never receive good things in return. Like, I feel u bro because the same thing happened to me when I was little…

[neocatharsis]

NCT 127 Reveal The Hobbies & Obsessions They Can’t Give Up In Their Down Time

In Elite Daily’s series Rent-Free, celebrities unpack the one thought, memory, or unforgettable pop culture moment that'll always live in their head. In this piece, NCT 127 reveals the interests and hobbies even die-hard fans will be surprised to learn about.

In the past year, most musical acts had to cancel their highly-anticipated tours due to the coronavirus pandemic, and NCT 127 was no exception. That’s why its members — Johnny, Haechan, Mark, Taeyong, Jaehyun, Yuta, Taeil, Jungwoo, and Doyoung — have taken every opportunity to get closer to their fans with new music. After dropping their second Japanese EP, Loveholic, in February, the group returned on June 4 with “Save,” their latest single all about making unforgettable memories. Up next? An entirely new era. On July 7 (the group’s fifth anniversary), they announced their next album is coming in September. In celebration of all the exciting things ahead, NCT 127 opened up about how they wind down after a hard day’s work.

NCT 127 tells Elite Daily these past five years as a group have been worthwhile, and it’s all thanks to their fans, called NCTzens, who have supported them throughout their journey. “[We have so many] memories from practicing together pre-debut to our actual debut stage, and also all those times we spent working on our music and performance to meet our fans at our first concert and first world tour as well,” the group collectively says. “Each and every moment we spend on our music is for our fans, and we are working hard to better show ourselves in various different ways, so we hope you’re all excited!”

Fans have impacted the group so much that they’ve become the muse behind NCT 127’s biggest tracks. “The inspiration [behind ‘Save’] comes from wanting to save our precious memories with each other and with our fans,” the group says. And NCT 127 hasn’t let go of a single one. While they haven’t been able to perform in front of a live audience since early 2020, they held their online Beyond The Origin concert in May. They add, “It was new getting to meet fans from every part of the world at the same time.”

While the guys have their hands full recording their next project, they’re making sure to get some much-deserved R&R whenever they can. Below, NCT 127 reveal the interests that have been living in their minds rent-free.

Johnny

Johnny is a major fan of horror movies. “I love how they keep you on the edge of your seat the whole time you’re watching,” he says. His favorite scary movie of all time is Shutter, which is about a couple who accidentally run over a woman and then see her ghost in photographs they develop. “Even though I watched it when I was young, I still remember the movie, and it’s one I think about often. I’ve seen the movie multiple times since I first saw it in high school, and I recall being scared of red-lit rooms for quite some time afterward,” he says.

His most recent watch was The Conjuring franchise. He adds, “After I saw the movies, I looked up some articles about the behind stories. They were pretty interesting!”

Taeil

Taeil keeps music on his mind even after a full day of rehearsals. “Audio speakers really amplify music so you can hear the intricate details of the track, and there’s also that sense of excitement from when you hear a sound you like!” Taeil says, explaining his love for audio. “I like the speaker brand Focal. There’s still a lot I don’t know about speakers, but I find the brand very attractive since you can experience a flat sound that’s similar to what the songwriter intended to create.”

Taeil says the group’s sound has changed a lot since their debut in 2016. He says, “With time, our team color is definitely becoming more distinct and defined. I think the sound we have now is a very captivating one with strong hip-hop and R&B colors.”

Taeyong

The group’s leader enjoys connecting with others, but especially with NCTzens. “[Our relationship] is a very precious and one that I’m truly grateful for. Not only do we enjoy the same things, but we also try to improve and show that to each other. All of this is very special and meaningful to me,” he says. “It’s nice to learn of each other’s culture, and by singing in different languages, it makes me feel as if I’ve grown closer to our fans from those countries.”

Yuta

Yuta loves exercising because it’s very rewarding, and although he doesn’t have a specific fitness routine, he prefers working out at a gym rather than at home. “I like how exercising makes me feel stronger and helps me to build up my strength... which is very helpful when practicing group dances that require attention to body angles,” he says. “We had a short preparation period [to learn ‘Save’], but I was able to learn the choreography quickly and had a fun time preparing.”

Doyoung

Ever since he was cast as Axel von Fergen in the Korean adaptation of Marie Antoinette, which is based on the 2006 musical of the same name that originally premiered in Japan, Doyoung has found a newfound appreciation for theatre. “I find it very precious how you can share emotions through singing and acting,” he says. “It’s been very meaningful preparing for my musical debut, and it’s really all thanks to the amazing seniors and producers! The process in itself has been a very fun one, and I have been preparing with a heart of gratitude.”

Doyoung is set to make his musical debut on July 13 when the production opens at the Charlotte Theater in Seoul.

Jaehyun

Jaehyun says he “fell in love” with tennis in April because it helps relieve stress. “I’ve always enjoyed trying out new sports like basketball, bowling, and boxing whenever I had the chance. But I actually started tennis because my father recommended it,” he says. “I know this is the case for all sports, but tennis isn’t something you can master after a few tries. It requires persistence, and I started to enjoy it even more as I saw myself gradually improving.”

Jaehyun’s favorite tennis player is Jannik Sinner, a 19-year-old Italian athlete who competed in the 2020 French Open as the youngest quarterfinalist in the men’s singles event. He says, “I’d really like to go see a tournament.”

Mark

Lately, Mark is interested in taking better care of his hair. “It’s really important to me because I change my hair color a lot, and because I want my hair and scalp to be healthy,” he says. While he’s experimented with just about every color in the rainbow, there’s one he always loves going back to. He adds, “I think I liked my blue hair the most. It is my favorite color, after all, and I believe my fans liked it as much as I did. I was glad to be able to film the ‘Save’ music video during my blue-haired period. It fit well with all the scenes and the aesthetics!”

Jungwoo

Similar to Yuta, Jungwoo has also had exercising on his mind. “My life has become more lively since I started exercising. More so than exercising to improve my physique, I exercise in order to have a healthier, richer life. Also, it makes me proud knowing I’m spending my day more productively,” he says. “The first thing I do after I wake up is to start off the day with simple stretches that improve body balance... Stretching helps to warm up the body, which reduces the risk of injury, and can also boost your mood! I think this is why when I dance, I’m able to express those movements in more detail.”

Haechan

Haechan is now experimenting with all things fragrance. “I started using perfume since scents can give a sense of self-satisfaction and because I wanted to smell good all the time!” he says, adding he doesn’t have a favorite perfume. “The scent that suits me well, that I personally like, and that will suit me is always different!” However, there’s one scent that will always remind him of a certain memory with NCT 127. “This might sound funny, but I’d have to say the smell of sweat in our practice rooms,” Haechan says, adding it’s “satisfying” because it makes him feel like they worked hard after a long day. As for what draws fans to NCT 127, Haechan credits their “sincere music and performances.”

© Elite Daily

[eolewyn1010]

TO München - issues I take with "Wir kriegen euch alle"

I just came to realize that the first half of "Videobeweis" is too cringey for me to go into it again (I swear it has some good moments, they just show up very late...), so instead I'll go into the Tatort München episode "Wir kriegen euch alle" again. Which isn't cringey per se, it's just kinda bad and makes me feel queasy. I'll try to talk about it soberly, but this is still all personal opinion. Mind spoilers as you go.

They open up a heavy, dark subject and then never manage to see it through to its conclusion.

The focus on victims and perpetrators is incredibly skewed.

Might be the hands-off approach Tatort has to continuity, but they fail to reflect on the inspector's stance on the case and how it's not fully congruent with what we have known of his character before - that would have been an awesome opportunity to make this actual character development.

But first things first, let me be incredibly petty: Why on earth would anyone cast Jannik Schümann, only to stuff him into the ugliest, most tasteless clothes on earth, the least flattering glasses they could find and whatever the fuck they did to his hair? He's already playing an unlikable, whiny, immature, self-absorbed psychopath - couldn't he at least have been a pretty psychopath?

And a brief rant at presentation: Why do they need such a long-winded way to get to the plot? And why does this Tatort, once it gets to the plot, start out almost 1:1 like a Supernatural episode from 2006? And the freaking dolls? What kid would keep a glowy-eyed, talking Uncanny Valley doll around as their personal confidante? These dolls are creepy. Same goes for the plastic Santa Claus mask; in what child would that induce trust? Are they trying to sell me on horror? Is that why the protagonists are so unlikable? Take that out of my mediocre German grandma copaganda. You're supposed to comfortably intrigue me, not make me feel viscerally icky with a visual. Also, if your corpses can't hold still, try freeze images, geez.

Now with that out of the way, let's talk about sexual abuse of children and the wish for revenge. You have been warned.

I think it's not exactly a hot take that many people wish death upon child rapists. If the newspapers headline would read, "parent who sexually abused their child for years got brutally murdered", I can imagine there'd be cheers before one gets around to thinking, wait a minute, we have a legal system - people can't just go around and kill people. "But those aren't people, those are animals" my ass; if any of us has the right to determine someone is not a person and law doesn't apply to them because of a criterion we deem appropriate, what will keep anyone to determine someone is not a person because of any criterion whatsoever? That is incredibly dangerous, and that's why even the most vile and disgusting of people are still people and in the hand of the law, not of other citizens.

The episode adds the complication of "but what if the state can't persecute; what if they lack the evidence to set any legal means in motion?" That's why our vigilantes here are working with a surveillance system to secure evidence before they act - and their actions are rightfully called premeditated murder by the police and investigated. Until that's not the focus anymore because our vigilante got misled and more or less accidentally killed a family who "didn't deserve this", namely, who had not abused either of their children even though the aforementioned psychopath claimed otherwise. That's where the entire episode breaks down. Protecting a child from ongoing abuse, punishing a really evil person, intervening where the police legally can't - that's an incredibly strong motivation to kill someone, and it was the police's task to stop him because despite this motivation, he's still in the wrong to kill. But then they put the focus on that last case that is based entirely on petty, selfish motivations and where the killer himself regrets what he has done - in this case, not because he acknowledges the law. That's the most important one, when his internal logic doesn't apply? Fucking cowards. Sure, Ivo talks a bit to one of the guys from the victim support group about the vigilantism, but even that dude's breaking point is that he doesn't believe our psychopath and builds the injustice of that case on the deception and betrayal. That's not only weak because it shirks giving the strong NO these actions would have deserved, it also re-victimizes our poor little murderer because woe is him, he got lied to and so killed the wrong people.

The message that killing anyone is wrong never gets through to him. This episode doesn't have the balls for that; we rather want to keep up sympathies for the vengeful killer because his purpose is a sympathetic one.

Then, focus. It isn't my primary complaint, but how are the two main cases at hand abuse in fucking rich families with huge houses and personal slaves au-pairs and stuff? What, do middle-class and poor families not abuse their children? They do - but the boy in the rented flat whose father rapes him is merely a footnote in this spectacle; I don't think we ever even learn his name. Who they present to us are the two poor little rich girls, Lena and Gretchen, respectively, in their huge houses with their huge rooms and their expat nannies who work 13 hours a day. I'm not saying these children shouldn't be protected from abuse; I'm just saying it feels skewy to put the focus on these two only. That resonates really poorly with the obvious class conceit of Gretchen's family, who after all their classist bullshit and racism get promptly victimized via their psychopath son and his equally psychopath girlfriend. Speaking of racism, the two Chinese au-pairs are a passive, soft-spoken doormat (so doormat-ty in fact that she didn't call the authorities when she suspected abuse in that house) and a cold-blooded psychopathic killer (who's so dumb that she doesn't seem to know the child she's taking care of at all, with how idiotic her approach to killing Gretchen is). That doesn't look like bad stereotypes or anything. Shove it, BR.

Overall, Gretchen's entire family is bullshit. I don't feel for anyone there. The son is a psychopath, but the father is an asshole and I can't say I was overflowing with sympathy when he and his practically non-present wife died (did she even get a speaking line?). The au-pair is also a psychopath, a bully and, as mentioned, not the brightest bulb, but that kid she's taking care of? Gretchen is a brat. She's what, eight years old? And thinks she can do however she pleases, and that she can boss her au-pair around and talk down to her, which is obviously something she picked up from her parents. And no, of course she shouldn't suffer or die because of that, but even when she kills the au-pair kind of accidentally and in self-defense, she still manages to be bratty about it. I would have walked out on her after a week. No, the victims of a crime don't need to be likable, but it would have been good for the episode to not center on a family that makes me space out or check my mail whenever a scene with them begins because they are so goddamn annoying. That's just a bunch of unpleasant people being unpleasant to each other.

Still talking focus, but now the one on the vigilante. They work with the victim perspective, but mostly, they work with the perspective of that one victim who has already become a brutal criminal himself, and for all his savior complex, we never see the consequences of his actions for the survivors. Lena and Gretchen never grasp within the episode that their parents are dead and they're alone in the world now. Let's look at Lena because she was actually abused - but does killing her parents make her life better? I'd say it victimizes her again. Now she's an orphan and God knows where she'll grow up and how she will handle emotionally that her parents got murdered, on top of the abuse that she also has to cope with. And yet, our vigilante is throughout presented in a sympathetic light. A man who's killed a bunch of people and did their children not nearly as much of a favor as he likes to tell himself - but we only get to see him as well-meaning, as a protector, as someone who's been through something horrible and wants to stop that from happening to others. As mentioned previously, the episode fails to condemn him.

In short, if it weren't for the Kommissare, I wouldn't have anyone to empathize with. They don't put in an effort to make me empathize with the victims, unjustified as their death may be (by internal logic because who even cares about the law), and I don't want to empathize with a vigilante killer, although the episode fucking tries to get me there. Nope.

Last part, Kommissare. I'll quickly talk about Franz; Ivo has a more in-depth part. Franz is kept simpler around here (and confuses me when he mistakes something for a biblical numeration and asks about psalms like, "is anyone a Catholic?" - dude, you were a freaking altar boy; don't act stupid or I'll have to bitchslap a screenwriter). He does get to punch the father raping his little son, which is a moment of cheer, no doubt. It still makes the focal point the perpretrator deserving of punishment and Franz' righteous anger - not the boy who's in pain and crying in his room. And I get that they can't involve child actors too deeply in this subject without damage; I just don't like that they hardly even talk about the children in question.

Ivo. Good Lord, Ivo and his new bit of background story. And yeah, I guess you could argue that he made that bit up to get the victim support group to accept him as one of theirs, but it doesn't feel that way - when he discloses what happened to him, that's one of the very few scenes that feel genuine and tear on me the way they're meant to. So we get a Tatort-Kommissar who has been sexually abused as a teenager; I think he's the first male inspector Tatort puts in correlation to a sex crime. Lena O and the Dresden girls were threatened with rape on separate occasions, but the assholes in question didn't get a chance to go through with it. Overall, Tatort usually doesn't go for male rape victims - because German TV has weird heteronormative hang-ups, men are perpretators in sex crimes, not victims. In this episode, they very deliberately shift that with the all-male support group. And then it's Ivo. This is a first, and it's really heavy. He gets put on the same level as the other guys in the group, on the same level as our vigilante. He's given understanding of what happened to them, a good reason to understand the hate, the anger, the wish to do something.

And he does what he should do as a member of the police and what the episode doesn't support to the degree it should - he condemns the vigilante killer. That is also a big one because it's actually not characteristic of Ivo if we look at older episodes. He is prone to vigilantism; hell, he has done a few really nasty things before. 2010, "Nie wieder frei sein" - he beats up a rapist and would-be killer of a young woman when he finds he cannot arrest him because he lacks the evidence. Or let's take it a thematical step closer, and chronologically a big one back - 1995, "Frau Bu lacht"; there's a woman who has killed her husband because he was sexually abusing her child. And it was a premeditated murder, too. Only she never gets put before a court of law because Franz and Ivo help her flee the country with her daughter. That is what Ivo has done in an extremely similar case. "Wir kriegen euch alle" is on in 2018, and Ivo does his freaking best to arrest a vigilante out for child rapists. That is a huge thing for him, especially with his very personal empathy, and the episode completely fails to adress this. Even though it gives me a shitton of respect for Ivo for managing what vigilante guy didn't, namely see beyond his anger and his "fuck law, I'll do it myself" views and acknowledge that skipping the legal way and killing the assholes is not the way to go.

Okay, that's all I got. Now excuse me as I curl up in a ball and cry for a bit in overall hatred. Thanks for coming to my brat talk.

[benscaligraphyset]

Chapter Three

(Finally I’ve been able to update this fic! I got a little disheartened when the other chapters weren't getting much engagement and then my other pic, Unexpected, was getting attention so I focused on that a bit more but Im finally back with a new chapter if Starward! Hope it was worth the wait :) Please let me know what you think, I love reading your comments!)

Also! If you get the chance visit https://blacklivesmatter.carrd.co and sign their petitions and see other things you can do to help!

It had been a few months since your arrival at Luke’s training temple and you and Ben had already fallen into old habits.

His lightsaber skills had certain improved, you noted, but so had yours. You were constantly teasing him while sparring, trying to get him to break, but Ben was completely focused whenever fighting was happening. It’s like he slipped into a trance with the hum of his lightsaber driving him. You found it adorable, but it worried Luke. He said that he noticed him using Dark Side methods during his training, but it wasn’t as if all of those methods are truly bad, just different from Jedi techniques.

And there you were, back to defending him. But, Ben wasn’t alone in thinking that the Jedi had some major flaws. You think his mood would improve if he was allowed to express his emotions instead of keeping them bottled inside. That’s not to say you believe in the Sith’s way of using your emotions to fuel you and bring you power, but, there had to be some sort of healthy balance to these things. You wished Luke would teach you grey methods of using the Force, and not just the Light side that the old Jedi’s had preferred. After all, Darth Vader had started out as a Jedi and they allowed him to rise to power, so maybe their methods weren’t as perfect as Luke pretends they were. You just didn’t see what was wrong with a little Dark.

It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows for the two of you, though. Ben still struggled with his feelings of self worth and it was sometimes hard for you to convince him that you truly cared or that his family cared. His insecurities caused him to lash out and seek to self isolate instead of reaching out to his friends like you and Tai. You knew he also held residual anger at the fact that you left all those years ago, not that he’d admit it. 

It’s not as if Luke did much to dissuade these insecurities, and you made sure to tell him as much, but you didn’t know if Luke truly knew how to help Ben. He didn’t understand him like you did and for the most part, that wasn’t his fault.

The side that you had the privilege of seeing, the joking, carefree side of him, was not something everyone got to see. It was easy to see him as a resentful and sad boy if he didn’t let you in.

Overtime, Ben stopped showing this side to Luke as much as he used to. You don’t know what changed but at some point after you left their relationship deteriorated and you didn’t know if it could be repaired. If it could, you certainly weren’t the one to do it. You made a note to ask Leia about it the next time you spoke to her.

You both had also kept the habit of bickering like an old married couple. You were constantly butting heads and it didn’t help that you both were relentlessly stubborn. In Ben’s defense, it’s hard not to be stubborn after being raised by the two most stubborn humans alive.

“There they go again,” another student groaned.

“Shut up, Bactar,” Ben snapped before turning back to you.

You scoffed. “You’re honestly telling me, that you think you could beat me, in my starfighter and you, in your dad’s old light freighter—that’s constantly needing repairs— in a race?” you asked in disbelief.

“That ‘old light freighter’,” Ben retorted, using air quotes, ”made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.”

You rolled your eyes and scoffed at the phrase you’ve heard enough times to last a life time. You looked around at your audience in disbelief and Jannik shrugged. People had learned to not get involved in your petty disputes.

Ben leaned over to get back in your line of vision. “I’m not gonna say it’s not a piece of junk, because, it is, but I am saying that I am a good enough pilot to beat you any day, in any ship.”

You threw your head back in a loud, obnoxious laugh. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“Okay, now I really know you’re messing with me,” you scoffed.

Ben came closer to you and you raised your head in defiance, but also because if you didn’t you would be staring at his chest. You know he uses his build to an advantage, thinking if he towers over you he has the upper hand, but you never gave him the satisfaction. Maybe this would work on his sparring opponents, but not you. And maybe you liked it a little too much when he was a little too close.

You looked up at the man before you through your lashes; you also knew your own strengths.

“So, what do ya say, Flyguy? You wanna test your theory?” you asked in a low voice.

You watched his adam’s apple bob nervously and you knew you were succeeding. You smirked up at him and his jaw shifted in irritation.

“Pick a time and place, Starward,” he replied cooly.

Your smirk grew and you opened your mouth to retort but you never got the chance. Luke’s force presence alerted you to the fact that other people do, in fact, exist and you had a whole audience watching your and Ben’s—well, whatever this was.

“Kriff, would you two get a room already?” Voe snipped and you instantly retreated from Ben, warmth flooding your cheeks.

“Language, Voe,” Luke said, finally arriving to the training grounds.

Students instantly straightened their backs and wiped the grins off their face at his arrival. Voe’s body crumpled at Luke’s sharp reprimand and you suspected her cheeks were also warm.

“Y/N, Ben, stop whatever ridiculous feud you have going on and get into a ready position,” Luke commanded and you both obeyed, along with the rest of the class.

Ben seemed...uncomfortable would be the only word you knew how to describe it. He kept shifting his legs in between forms and you caught him conspicuously moving things around under his belt. You knew boys had to move things around down there sometimes, but you’d never seen Ben quite this bothered.

Maybe you could press inside—

“Y/N, focus,” Luke snapped, bringing your attention back to the task at hand.

“Sorry, Master,” you apologized and resumed the stance that the other students were in.

It might’ve been your imagination, but you thought you felt Ben’s eyes boring holes into you, but you didn’t dare turn and check.

After training you went straight to your water bottle, relishing in how good it tasted. You weren’t ashamed to admit you might’ve moaned audibly. You couldn’t help it, water after training was like spice. You felt Ben’s presence brush against yours and you went to greet him, but he was already hustling towards the huts and didn’t stop, even when you called his name.

“What the brix?” The question was really to yourself, but that never stopped people from butting into your business before.

“Oh, he’s got it bad for you,” Jannik quipped, suddenly next to you.

“What are you on about now?” you asked, too exhausted from your workout to deal with whatever he was saying.

“Come on, I know you’re not that stupid.”

“Can you get on with whatever you’re trying to say or move along?” you asked, taking another needed sip of water.

“Come on, everyone knows he’s practically in love with you.”

Water shot out of your mouth and nose and you suddenly couldn’t draw a proper breathe in, having sucked water into your lungs. Jannik instantly patted your back and asked if you were all right.

“I-I’m f-fine,” you sputtered, eventually gaining the ability to breathe again.

“Did you seriously not know?” he asked, incredulous.

“There’s nothing to know,” you croaked, risking another sip of water. “We’re just friends.”

“Yeah, friends who get hot and bothered when you argue.”

“What?” It was your turn to sound incredulous.

“You didn’t notice how he was shifting around during training? You had to have.”

You grabbed Jannik’s arm, much to his loud objection, and dragged him away from any prying ears.

“Of course I noticed,” you hissed. “But, what does that have to do with anything?”

“Wow...you really are oblivious,” he said and you punched his shoulder, hard.

“Ow! Well, you are—Wait!” he exclaimed, holding his hands up as you raised your fist to land another blow.

“I’m sorry! Listen,” he said, waiting for your hand to lower. Reluctantly, you did lower it and then gestured for him to continue.

“Look, I’ve hid many a boners before—“

“Jannik!”

“Well, I have! And trust me, that’s exactly what Ben was doing out there.”

“He was not. Besides, even if he was how do you know that has anything to do with me?”

“Because I saw how he looked at you. And when you moaned into that water bottle,” Jannik gave a low whistle, ��he booked it to the huts.”

That would explain why he bolted just after that—no. What were you saying? Maybe Ben had feelings for you when you were both young and naïve, but now? It just wasn’t a possibility. You’d shut down any hope for that before you’d left.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” you deflected.

“Ask anyone and they’ll tell you the same thing,” he insisted and you scoffed.

“I don’t need to ask anyone else’s opinion about my friendship, but thanks for the tip,” you replied sardonically and placed a hand on his shoulder before turning away.

“Come on, Y/N!” he called after you.

“I’ll see you at dinner!” you called back.

You laughed off his comments on your way to your hut. He doesn’t know Ben like you did, so who was he to tell you what he felt—hell, you didn’t even know what he was feeling most of the time.

But he was right that Ben was acting strange, and you needed to figure out why. You’d ask him at dinner, you decided. Right now you were in desperate need of a shower.

Dinner finally came and you went to your and Ben’s usual spot with a full plate of food. After today’s training you were famished and you didn’t wait for Ben to arrive before chowing down on what tasted like the most delicious meal you’ve ever had in your life. It wasn’t until you were almost done with said meal that you noticed Ben still hadn’t shown up. You pushed yourself up in your seat and looked around the cafeteria, hoping to spot that bushy head of black hair, but you didn’t see him. You slumped in your chair and pouted. Ben has never missed a dinner with you.

When it was nearly time for dinner to be over, you’d given up hope that he was going to arrive and had planned to wrap something for him to go, but then you finally saw him come through the doorway, Luke at his side. Your shoulders sagged in relief that Ben was okay, but why was Luke holding him up? He has always emphasized the importance of showing up on time to meal times so this was very out of the ordinary.

“Hey,” you said as Ben finally came to sit at your normal spot, looking disgruntled. “What were you doing with Luke?”

Ben gave you an unhelpful shrug. “He needed to talk to me about something.”

“Well, what was it?”

“If he wanted you to know he would’ve told you, wouldn’t he have?” He snapped.

You recoiled at his retort and you felt as though you had been punched in the gut. Your first instinct was to press and see what the other man was feeling, but you quickly realized he had shut you out completely.

You pushed away from the table. “Fine, I’m sorry I waited up for you.”

Without waiting for a response, you made your way to the exit of the cafeteria, thrusting the doors open with the Force. Hot tears pricked at your eyes but you refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry because of him. You needed the sanctuary of your hut for assurance that you wouldn’t be disturbed.

“That, half-witted, nerd herder,” you spat, flopping yourself down angrily on your bed.

You let the warm tears slip down your face now, frantically wiping them away as if it would stop them from coming. You wished that you wouldn’t cry so easily, that a boy snapping at you wouldn’t cause you to crumble.

But, Ben wasn’t just any boy was he?

You relentlessly tossed and turned that night, desperate for rest. You just wanted to sleep and not have Jannik’s words flying around in your head. His comments shouldn’t have bothered you as much as they did but the thought of Ben having feelings for you turned your stomach into knots and you couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Ben’s words had also made residence in your head and you kept wondering what it was that had caused him to snap at you like that and what was it that Luke and him had been talking about.

Had you done something wrong?

The cover of your hut was suddenly thrust open and you instinctively reached for your lightsaber. You relaxed when you realized who it was.

“I can feel your anxiety from my hut,” Ben grumbled, making his way into your hut and coming over to the left side of your bed. He looked at you expectantly and you stared back at him blankly before he made a scoot-over gesture with his hands and you wordlessly complied, letting his large frame into the bed and under the covers with you.

“What are you doing?” you asked in a whisper and pulled the covers up higher to cover your body that was scantily clad in only your under garments.

“This is the only way either of us will get sleep. Unless you have a better idea?”

You were silent. You were inclined to agree with him, after all this had always worked when you were kids. But, after the way he treated you today? You weren’t going to just let him comfort you like nothing was wrong.

“I don’t want you here if you’re just going to be a dick.”

Ben stared at you without a response.

“Fine,” you retorted and started to push him out of the bed with the Force.

“I’m sorry,” he said almost so quiet that you missed it.

You stopped pushing. “What was that?”

Ben sighed. “I said, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that.”

“Are you going to tell me why you snapped at me?”

“I let my uncle get under my skin.”

“What did he say?”

Ben hesitated. “I really don’t want to talk about it,” he answered honestly.

“Well, that’s all you had to say,” you replied, shoving him softly. “I would’ve understood.”

“I know, I...I’m sorry,” he repeated and you knew he meant it.

You looked into his dark eyes in the pale light and communicated your forgiveness without even having to open your mouth.

“Are you going to tell me why you were acting strange after training?” 

You felt him tense beside you and he turned his gaze down. “What are you talking about?”

“Look, it’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it, but it’s not like you to just bolt and not even say bye.”

“I just...” He cleared his throat awkwardly. You reached forward and grabbed his hand above the covers and his eyes flew up, surprised.

“I just want to be sure you’re okay, Ben,” you said earnestly. You didn’t want to press too much and make him retreat, but he needed to know that you were there for him.

He smiled that smile that fills your chest with warmth. “I promise, I’m okay. I was just in a rush to take a shower.”

You almost joked about the fact that Jannik thought he had a boner, but you thought better of it. After all, there's a good chance Jannik was right, just not about the part that the boner was because of you.

“What if Master Luke catches us?” you asked, back to the original topic.

“I’ll wake up just before sunrise and leave,” he answered simply.

You chuckled softly. “You haven’t changed at all have you?”

He raised a brow at you. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“As kids, you would always come lay with me if I couldn’t sleep.”

When you both were little and your thoughts got too loud for your head, you would sneak over to Han and Leia’s to find comfort in Ben’s bed. When his strength in the Force grew, he started to be able to sense when you were upset and he began coming to you when you needed him. His Force presence next to you always had a way of silencing the noise in your head.

On the other side, sometimes—a lot— Han and Leia would be fighting late into the night and Ben would sneak over to Luke’s hut to climb into bed with you. The first few times this happened, Han and Leia were worried Ben had run away, but then Luke would always come knocking on the door with little Ben hiding behind his legs.

If the voices in tiny Ben’s mind got too loud, either you would sense his turmoil and come to him or he would scurry over to you and vise versa. It was honestly a good system the two of you had and Han and Leia debated just making the guest room into your room, but Luke didn’t like the idea. He was over protective in that way, not that he could be blamed, given your past.

“Well, you obviously haven’t changed either if I’m still having to do this,” Ben teased and you rolled your eyes.

“Goodnight, Ben,” you said through a giggle and he smiled softly.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

When you woke up, Ben was gone, like he had said, but the other side of your bed still smelt like him. You took a whiff of the pillow he’d slept on and smiled.

He really hasn’t changed at all.

(Again I hope this was worth the wait!! Please let me know what you think and if you get the chance sign the petitions in the link I posted!)

Taglist: @lover1307 @bepo-is-sorry @snakelaufeyson @supervengerslock @shockwavee @kilo-wrench @ohhh-boo-tiful @serenityofbeingascintilla @ladyzirkonia @fandomshit6000 @i-am-lokii-of-asgard​​ @siren-queen03​ @dark-night-sky-99 @nickangel13​​ @girlyisthatweirdkid​ @edwardspaghedwardtozier​ @irreverent-dream​ @amberkay284​ @struggling-writer​

[corinthbayrpg]

NAME. Noah Kramer AGE & BIRTH DATE. 28 & April 20th, 1992 GENDER & PRONOUNS. Male & He / Him SPECIES. Phoenix OCCUPATION. Pediatric Nurse FACE CLAIM. Jannik Schümann

BIOGRAPHY

( tw: homophobia, violence, physical abuse ) Noah Kramer and his older brother grew up in Berlin. A dirty city where two young blonde boys could easily drown in the crowds of people, it was the perfect place for Noah to hide away from the home he had been born into. It was his older brother who explained to him at age four that this was not how a family was supposed to work. Their parents were constantly fighting, screaming at each other and making their small apartment a less than ideal environment for kids. It took a long time for Noah to understand that this happened because his father was not kind or nice, but aggressive and unhappy with his life. His mother stayed for her children, but throughout the years, her patience wore thin. When Noah was eight, his brother came into the room they shared, pale face and phone in hand. He handed it over to him, only to reveal that the person on the other end of the line was their mother. Their father had hit her again the night prior, and now she was telling her boys that she wasn’t coming home, no matter how much she loved them.

Once she was gone, their father’s fury now turned on the two boys. For a long time, Noah’s older brother managed to take most of the screaming and hits. Until his fifteenth birthday, Noah had gotten away more or less unscarred. But then he made a mistake, without knowing that it was a mistake. Noah had never really been interested in girls other than being friends with them. But boys had managed to make him swoon since he was thirteen. And on a foggy November night, he got to kiss the boy he had had a crush on for almost a whole year. When he got home he was giddy and happy, but the mood was soon destroyed. His father was on the couch with a bottle of liquor in hand, and his brother was nowhere near; attending a party with friends. It turned out his father had caught sight of Noah and the other boy on his way to buy liquor, and was disgusted by his son. That Monday morning, Noah had to walk to school with a black eye and bruised ribs. No one in school seemed to care much about the bruises he spotted more and more afterwards. As much as his older brother tried, he couldn’t stop the wrath of their father. Noah was his new favorite target for being unmanly and wrong. Noah started growing used to the pain in his body, and doubled it up by exhausting his body in every sports team that would take him. He was athletic and ambitious, and became captain of the soccer team while also playing basketball and swimming in a team. Any excuse to be away from home was good enough. He made friends easily and hooked up here and there, but he had trouble creating many meaningful connections to other people.

When Noah was seventeen, he then lost another member of his family. It was another phone call late at night that let Noah know his older brother wouldn’t be coming home. He had been away on a vacation with friends, and now said he wasn’t planning to return. What he didn’t know was that the only reason his brother would ever leave him behind and alone was because he had been bitten by a werewolf, and didn’t want to put his younger brother into danger. To Noah, it simply seemed as if the last and only person who had loved him decided he was too much as well and left. Only two months later, broken ribs and a broken arm put him in the hospital, and Noah decided that it was enough. Until the end of his school career he slept at friends’ or spent the nights in bars or clubs around Berlin. When he graduated, he took his bags and the little money he saved to fly away. Away from Berlin, away from Germany, away from the life that had almost destroyed him and took away the two people he loved the most.

Noah still was in contact with his brother through texts and phone calls, but he never got any indication on where he was or why he had left. Meanwhile, Noah traveled through the world. He moved from country to country, city to city, working small jobs to pay for his life and his travels. He knew that one day he’d have to settle, and he eventually decided to stay in Greece. Four weeks after originally arriving there, he didn’t feel the itch to get away again, and therefore decided that this was the right place to stay. He started training to become a nurse, and the only reason he ended up in Corinth Bay was because he was offered a decent job as a nurse in the pediatric wing of a hospital here. Noah is as oblivious and clueless as a human can be about the existence of supernatural beings, and he lives his life every day without a clue in the world what is going on around him. The work at the hospital fulfills him, as it means he can save other people’s life and do good. He owns a tiny two-story house in town that he made as homely as his original home in Berlin has never been. Noah has never returned to Berlin, nor has he any idea what happened to his father or how he is doing. He is ready to build his own life, and hopefully have a better relationship and family than his own. What a mundane wish, considering what is going on behind the scenes of his new hometown. Noah stayed unaware of the supernatural beings within his orbit, not realizing what kind of creatures existed until it had been too late. Parts of his soul had been taken by an incubus, and as Noah’s world started drowning in darkness, he didn’t know that his life would soon enough be changed forever.

On one of his darker days at the hospital, a man showed up and spoke to him, with yellow eyes and booming voice, and spoke of the power of a phoenix. Noah passed out right there in the hospital, and awoke a different man. A different species. To Noah though, all of this was new. He had never before heard of the supernatural world, never believed anything like that to exist either. Now he found himself in it from one day to the next, unable to comprehend just what that meant, or what it would hold in store for him. Now he has to learn the way the world works from a different perspective, and get acquainted with his new powers and path.

PERSONALITY

+ disciplined, trusting, realistic - pessimistic, stubborn, dependent

PLAYED BY LISA. GMT +1. She/Her.

[madskilduff]

JOHN KELLER HAS ADDED MADSEN ‘MADS’ KILDUFF AS A FRIEND! The TWENTY-SIX year old will be playing the role of the DR. JERK in his very own horror movie. Right now, HE is a THERAPIST at MORNING STAR PRIVATE COUNSELLING but HE might not be for much longer — you might see HIM on the town’s next tape. ( jannik schumann, he/him– played by nomi, twenty-two, she/her, est ) 

back at it again with my second character! This is Mads, your local asshole therapist, but that’s Dr. Kilduff to you. 

Madsen is Mimi’s twin brother so from birth up to the age of eight they share the same story, except Madsen was sent off to live with their mother instead of their father which he honestly regrets every day.

He was also kind of inspired by the netflix show Sex Education so if you get those vibes you’re right.

It’s not that Madsen’s mother was horrible, or neglectful in any way. Quite the opposite actually, Claudia Kilduff cared way too much. For most of Madsen’s young life he can remember his mother being loving in her own way but also invasive and overbearing. That coupled with the fact that his mother was also a sex therapist who wrote a best selling novel, meant that Madsen didn’t exactly have the worlds most normal childhood.

But he could label each part of the vagina by the age of ten though, and not many people can say that.

Through his childhood Madsen’s mother was always psychoanalyzing him. And although it was a frustrating invasion of privacy, Madsen did ultimately trust his mother and open up to her more than that average son would. Their relationship was a bit odd maybe but very, very open. They were very close pretty much all of Madsen’s young life, to the point where Madsen didn’t even second guess legally changing his surname to hers rather than a father he barely knew.

The all changed the day that Madsen’s mother wrote her second novel, a very thorough book about raising a sexually deviant teenage son which Madsen was the star of without Madsen’s knowledge or consent. Madsen found out about the book before it was published, and fought tooth and nail with his mother not to publish it but since so many publishers were already fighting to get it on the shelves and Madsen’s mother thought that this novel would be helpful to other mothers she published it anyways. Without Madsen’s consent.

That was a pivotal point in Madsen’s life where all his trust in the person he trusted most in the world was broken (very private things that he told his mother in confidence were in that book) and so Mads went from adoring his mother to despising her very quickly. However after Madsen tried displaying that hatred and acting out, he quickly realized he was achieving nothing, so he readjusted.

He used the fame that he gained from his mother’s novel to achieve his own success, even going as far as to go into business with his mother to do so. They became a famous mother son counselling duo, like they wrote a book together, they went on Ellen, it was wild. By the time that Madsen was in the middle of college he made a name from himself worldwide, at least among people who cared about this kind of thing.

But Madsen had also made a name for himself as ‘the guy who effed a peach because he read it in a book once’ and ‘the guy who couldn’t touch himself until he was seventeen’ so Madsen wasn’t exactly grateful to his mother yk.

Once Madsen had finally gotten his therapy certification officially and made a name for himself that he was satisfied with he decided that his time with his mother was over. Not only did he rather abruptly leave their business together to make one of his own (taking more than a few of their clients with him) he also sabotaged his mother in the process, revealing some choice information that threw her into a scandal as a parting gift.

But yeah that’s what Madsen has been doing the past couple years, working on private sessions with his clients and expanding his practice. He’s also been working on his first novel without his mother, and been traveling the world to do it, which is what leads him to Jericho. He just got here honestly, and what brought him here was the murder of Ariella. At the moment he is particularly interested in how the brutal murder of one of their own can affect the psyche of people within a small close knit community, especially when that murder has been witnessed by members of the community online? It’s GOLD. Madsen is having the time of his life. He’s counselling people for free and even paying some of them just so he can get some of his regular counselling done but more importantly so he can get info on Ariella.

PERSONALITY ;

personality wise Madsen is,,, a dick. But a dick in sheeps’ clothing. Madsen is absolutely kind of heartless, but I almost put faux affably evil for his trope because he does a very good job of hiding how rotten he is inside. He is the type to smile politely to your face even as he internally laments how much he hates your guts and that’s just how it is. He’s a fake ass bitch.

But he’s a fake ass bitch who is very good at his job despite being a jerk about it, hence the Dr. Jerk trope. He always leaves his clients better off than they were before they met him, even if he doesn’t really care about them at all.

Madsen is also a big control freak and neat freak honestly. His office is pristine, he never has a wrinkle in his clothes, he’s always on time. He’s not a very flexible person at all.

CLIFFNOTES ;  (aka what i’ve been sending around on discord)

mimi’s twin brother

basically kind of inspired by sex education like the show idk if you’ve watched it but it’s a wild time

his mother was a sex therapist who was really just too invasive and overbearing, and Madsen kind of grew up under a microscope

his mother literally wrote a best selling book on raising him and his sex habits like?? it’s basically about the sexual habits of teenage boys and how to confront that and it’s all about madsen and she published it without his consent

Madsen was of course pissed but there was really nothing he could do about the whole situation so he decided to take control of the situation and just kind of spin it to his advantage? Because of that he went into business with his mother for a while and they became like a therapy duo

they were in business together for a while and when Madsen got as much popularity as he could from the arrangement he left and went into business on his own

So that’s what he’s been doing for the past few years just going around the country riding the wave of his ‘fame’ (not really but you know) and visiting different towns to like counsel people and get some info for his book

personality wise he’s a bit of a dick? like he’s kind of heartless i almost put faux affably evil for his personality type like that’s the kind of guy he is aksbjssj BUT he’s also the type to be very good at his job but also a jerk about it, like his clients are always left better off than they were before they met him but he’s also like a bit of a dick behind his mask 

CONTROL FREAK

[thepoeticmove]

The Eyes Inside the Cage

All his life had led to this moment. Jannik Waruski had trained four years for this moment. He was finally being deployed to a war-torn Germany in hopes to save dozens, if not hundreds, of his fellow Jewish people.

Baden-Württemberg was the land he grew up in, but his father intelligently forced a move four years before when Adolf began to rise to power. His plan to eradicate the Jews was as clear as purified water. Jannik had three months before he would be deployed by the Polish army, and he had to tell everyone he had to leave.

It was hardest to tell Lisette, his wife. She didn't want him to leave, but she felt safer knowing only men like him were in uniform.

Lisette was also of Jewish descent, but she thought she was far from Hitler's reach.

Jannik wanted the honor of killing Hitler himself. After years of watching the ghettos build up, Jannik knew something had to change, but what could one man do to change the perspective of many?

The only sound Jannik ever heard was the sound of water dripping in his cell to create a puddle. Drip. Drip. Drip. He was being driven insane. One slot was placed at the front of the cage to ensure he never made contact with anyone.

He was a war hero at once, but now he is a prisoner of war. He's tried to escape many times, but each time they would bring him back and experiment on him more. He felt like a freak, like all eyes were constantly on him. Drip. Drip. Drip. His sanity started to slip. Nowhere to go, he was trapped in all senses of the word, but he had hallucinations to comfort him.

Jannik developed schizophrenia in a little under three years of imprisonment. He called them his friends, but he didn't really have any friends. He could hear boot steps from down the hall. They were coming to test him again. One thing Jannik didn't mind too much would be the fact some of the things they tried on him made him feel good, like aspirin.

The cell door opened, and he pled, "please, talk to me," but they were ordered not to even acknowledge the patients, despite them aching to feel real, feel alive. Many of them believe they were already dead, but not Jannik. He knew the reality of his life, and he knew he had been driven mad by a lack of communication.

They strapped him down, but they didn't put him under the holds of anesthesia. He already knew how they operated, and he was fine with it, but today was invasive brain surgery to find a cure for the schizophrenia they developed. Nazi surgeons grabbed the scalpel and cut through his thin skull. They started removing the frontal lobe, because that is the place the cat scan showed the most activity.

Hours later, Jannik was severely crippled. His IQ would have dropped over forty points after that surgery, and the hallucinations were made worse, then he discovered a little camera in his cell, and he devised a plan. Jannik faked a seizure to get the nazi cast to come check on him, for he had reason to believe he knew the way out after his trip to the surgeon.

The nazi guards opened the door to go pick him up, and he bolted past them. Down the hallways to the next door, for a prison, they didn't have much security. He escaped but he now had to deal with a tall fence which had barbed wire at the top. He took his chance and shred all his clothes and parts of his body, but he was safe, but he felt tormented by what he was capable of. Drip. Drip. Dripping Blood.

They released the dogs; search lights abruptly scanned the forest to check for signs of movement, but he was already deep into the forrest.

Dogs nagged at his heels, but he knew the area really well. He grew up in the Black Forest in Germany. From the time he was five-years-old until the time he moved back to Warsaw, Poland when he was twenty-one. He knew a small mountain was approaching. His plan was to get in the creek, so the Nazis would lose his trail.

The creek had a small cave outside of it that was hidden by a waterfall. He knew the cave had one other outlet he used to be able to shimmy through when he was a boy, but he was much larger as a twenty-seven year old man.

He had to try, because he knew he would be safe if he could slip through. He walked through the cave as it narrowed and began to shrink. The tunnels collapsed on him to the point where he was lodged in between two stones. He worried; there's no way he could go back and face them again, not like this.

Sucking in his stomach, he tried to edge through. He could see the light on the other side of the tunnel, but he had no way to get out. Trapped. Afraid. He turned back to face the nazis, but when he got to the cave opening, they were nowhere in sight, no dogs, no guns.

He counted his losses as he wiped the blood off his body, but he knew he'd gained the ultimate victory of freedom, but he wasn't totally free. Drip. Drip. Drip. Ringing in his mind. He couldn't get the thoughts from his head. He didn't know how to talk to people anymore. All had not been lost, though. There was hope.

Drip. Drip. Drip.