#Jan- when you really can't do worse | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jplupine · 1 year ago

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"Good Boy."

Pairing: Kenpachi Zaraki x AFAB Reader Word Count: ~5k Date Published: Jan 2, 2024 WARNINGS: 18+ Minors/Ageless get blocked, Established Relationship, Size Difference, Marking, Feral Behavior, Choker, Finger Sucking, Handjob, Hair Pulling, Cunnilingus, Praise Kink, Light Degradation, Office Sex, Terms of Endearment [My Love, Sweetheart, Good Boy], Creampie, Overstimulation, Dom!Reader, Sub!Kenpachi; Reader is AFAB but no gender is specified, Terms such as cock/dick/etc. get used

A/N: Y'all, Kenpachi really does make SUCH a good guard dog sub iykyk 😫 going feral every time I think about it

It was quiet as you went back and forth between your desk and the shelves as you got work done. Some of the windows were open to let in the breeze along with sounds from the garden. Birds chirping, a running waterfall, and a shishi-odoshi rhythmically thunking against a rock.

It was rare to get such a peaceful day given the ruckus your peers tended to cause.

Grabbing a folder from the basket on the corner of your desk, you flipped it open to start signing the paperwork within. The scratching of your pen against the paper was a dull, monotonous sound.

You suddenly jolted when screeching laughter went running past outside. Yachiru's voice was unmistakable, as was Ikkaku's as he bellowed and demanded for the little girl to leave him alone. You heavily sighed and grabbed a tissue to dab at the ink that had been smeared when you got startled.

Their voices eventually faded the further away from the building they got. Peace returned, and you closed the folder before standing and taking it to the Captain's desk on the other side of the room. Placing it down, you then went back to your seat to go through the motions again.

As you read through another report, you saw a large shadow cross over one of the windows from the corner of your eye. The door then swung open before a tall man ducked under the frame to enter the room.

"About time you got here. Those files are piling up." You stated without looking up from the pages in front of you.

"So?"

"So, you need to go through those reports and sign off on them. I'm not doing all of the work here." You maintained a firm tone as Kenpachi crossed the room to his desk. He flopped down into his chair, the poor thing creaking under his weight.

"I thought you liked this boring shit." Kenpachi huffed, and you finally looked up. He was leaning back in his seat with his arms crossed and a stern look on his face.

"Captain, there's a difference between being responsible and enjoying this work. Now," You softly sighed while pointing at the piles of folders on his desk. "those are mission reports, those are training reports, and those are-"

"I don't care." Kenpachi cut you off while keeping his gaze on you. Your mouth pursed into a flat line, and you maintained eye contact.

"Captain." Your tone made one of his bald eyebrows quirk up. "You can't keep pawning your responsibilities off on others just because you find them boring." Kenpachi didn't respond at first. He looked to be sizing you up before he cocked his head to the side.

"C'mere." There was another silent pause before you softly sighed through your nose and stood up. Leaving your pen on the desk, you then went over to his side of the room. "Who do you think you are telling your captain what to do?"

"I think I'm the one who keeps having to clean up after you." Glancing down at the stacks of paperwork on his desk, you then looked back up at him. "You're worse than a dog, Captain. Even a puppy knows to sit and stay when told." You went around the desk while Kenpachi watched you with sharp eyes and his arms still crossed.

You noticed how he tensed ever so slightly now that you were on the same side of the desk as him. Placing a hand on the desk, you didn't back down even with the intimidating expression on Kenpachi's face.

"Did you just compare me to a fucking dog?" His voice growled as his fingers dug into his arms.

"Don't like it? Maybe you should do your job." Kenpachi shot up out of his seat to tower over you and planted his hands on the desk on either side of you.

"Maybe I should do my job and remind you of your place." His upper lip curled up into a snarl, but you were too used to his intimidation that it no longer worked on you. Instead, you stood up straighter with your face only inches from his.

"Sit down." You ordered, but Kenpachi didn't move an inch, so you hooked your foot around his chair to bring it closer. It was clear you wouldn't repeat yourself, and Kenpachi slowly sat down with his hands still on the desk, your eyes locked the entire time. "Now, you're not leaving here until that paperwork is done. Understood?"

Kenpachi burst into mad laughter, but you remained stern.

"I'm not joking, Kenpachi." You curled your fingers behind his choker as your gaze dropped. "I know you hate this part of your job, but it must be done. I'll make it easier for you if you want. Only if you actually stay here and work."

"....I'm listening." Kenpachi's tone softened with his gaze dropping to your mouth.

"Good boy." You smiled while bringing your face closer to his. "I'll give you a treat for each one you complete."

"What kind of treat?"

"The kind that makes you whimper." You purred before kissing him. Kenpachi went to stand while caging you against the desk, but you stopped him before he could get much further. "Ah-ah. Sit back down."

"C'mon-"

"You heard me. Sit. Down." You raised your eyebrows, daring him to disobey. Kenpachi growled, but he did as told. "The treats come after." You grabbed a file and pulled it closer to open it. Picking up a pen, you held it out to him.

"How do you expect me to focus now?"

"Aw, you poor thing. Don't tell me you're already worked up without me even touching you." You smiled again and lifted his face by his chin. "I guess I can make a little compromise. Take the pen."

He snatched it from you, and you sat on his thigh. His nose brushed against your jaw until you grabbed his choker and forced his head away.

"Look at the paper, not me."

"Little shit." Kenpachi growled while tearing his gaze away to look at the opened file folder.

"Don't be rude. I don't have to help you." You kissed his cheek as he grumbled under his breath. You heard the scratching of the pen as he signed his name on the bottom line of the first page. His grip on the pen wasn't a comfortable one, but that was no surprise given how he would avoid paperwork as much as possible and only did it begrudgingly.

He flipped to the next page, and you kissed the corner of his jaw.

"Are you not even going to read it?"

"I know you already did."

"So?"

"So, if it was that big of a deal, you'd say somethin'."

"Our squad would suffer without me." You softly sighed while grabbing his sash to undo the knot. Kenpachi's cock was already hard and lifting the front of his hakama, and he signed his name again. "Keep writing." You ordered when Kenpachi was about to turn toward you. "Good boy." His sash came undone as you kissed the side of his neck.

You then opened his haori and kosode more to expose his torso entirely. Kenpachi was tense and gripping the pen tighter as you kissed down the side of his neck.

"Just keep working. You're doing good." Pulling his hakama down, his cock sprung free. "Open your mouth." Kenpachi's jaws parted as his long tongue stuck out. You placed your fingers into his mouth with his tongue curling around your digits. "Get them nice and wet, sweetheart." You purred and kissed his cheek.

Kenpachi struggled to keep his eyes on the papers in front of him. His hand not busy writing moved from the desk to grab your hip and pull you even closer. You felt his thigh tense beneath you as you stroked your fingers over his tongue until he began to drool.

His saliva dripped down his chin and your hand. Kenpachi grunted with his teeth bared like fangs, but you knew he wouldn't bite down on your fingers, not with the promise of pleasure being so close.

When you finally pulled away from his mouth, drool stretched between your fingertips and his lips. You lowered your hand to grab his dick and smear his saliva over the length of his shaft. Kenpachi shuddered and hunched over with a shaky breath.

"Fuck."

"Focus. You need to make that legible." Your hand went higher, stroking over the head of his cock. There was an audible snap from Kenpachi's grip breaking the pen. It made you chuckle before you opened one of the desk drawers with your foot. "There's more pens in there. You're not getting out of work that easily."

"Damn it." Kenpachi reluctantly picked up a pen from the drawer.

"Come on. You're almost done with this one." You slid your fingers into his hair, and he groaned while leaning into your touch. His grip on your hip tightened as you continued to languidly stroke his cock.

Kenpachi made it to the end of the page before slamming the folder closed. He dropped the pen and turned to you, wrapping his arms around you while burying his face into the side of your neck. His tongue lapped over your pulse as his fingers dug into your flesh until you pulled his hair to yank his head back.

"It's cute when you're so eager."

"I finished the damn thing."

"Yes, you did." You chuckled. "But that's not the only one, my love."

"You said I'd get a treat for each one I finish."

"I did."

"Then why the fuck are you pulling me away?"

"Maybe I want a kiss." You smiled before pressing your lips to his. The kiss was hungry and intensified when you slid your tongue into his mouth. Your thumb rubbed over his slit, smearing precum and making him moan into your mouth.

His hips bucked, driving his cock further into your hand.

"Touch me." Your voice was breathy as you spoke against his lips before you continued the kiss. Kenpachi's large hand went between your thighs, rubbing against your core through your clothes.

Kenpachi groaned as your fingers tangled in his hair to tug again. You nipped his bottom lip before licking to soothe the sting.

"Finish another one, and you can take my clothes off." You muttered while looking at his kiss-swollen lips. His hand shot out to grab another folder. "Mm. Perhaps I spoil you too much."

"I'm not spoiled." Kenpachi snapped with a glare.

"Really? Work, then." You raised your eyebrows while pulling away from him. You even crossed your arms to stop touching him. "If you're not spoiled, I shouldn't have to reward you just to get you to do your duties." Kenpachi looked shocked as his mouth hung open with his brows deeply furrowed.

You stood up with your back turned to him. You could feel Kenpachi's burning gaze as the corners of your mouth twitched up into an amused smile.

"As I was saying earlier, these ones are-" You cut yourself off when Kenpachi was on his feet and looming over you. He slammed his hands down on the desk, his hot breath hitting the top of your head.

"I don't need you to get work done." Kenpachi growled. Without saying anything, you flipped open the file and made your challenge clear.

You were pushing it, toying with Kenpachi's limits. His nails dug into the desk as he huffed, and you wondered what he might do. Would he crack and give in or would his stubbornness get in the way?

Kenpachi picked up the pen and began to scribble along the printed line. You flipped the page once he was done to expose the next one. When he got to the third page, Kenpachi stepped closer as his writing began to slow. His lips brushed the back of your neck with his body pressing against yours.

You ignored him to keep him working. His sharp teeth scraped over your skin, sending a tingle up your spine. Kenpachi nipped while grinding against your ass to get friction against his erection.

"See? You couldn't even make it five minutes."

"Shut up." Kenpachi growled against the back of your neck.

"Why? Are you embarrassed?" You smirked while leaning back and looking up to see the tall man. His gaze was a mix of agitation and wanting. "I can't take your anger seriously when you can't even stop humping me like a dog."

"I'm the captain. This is my office. You are my subordinate."

"Oh, listen to you barking. It's sweet how you try, but we both know the truth." Your hand reached back to run up his bare thigh. You studied his face, watching every subtle change in his expression as he listened to you. "Ranks mean nothing here." Reaching up with your other hand, you cupped his cheek, and he leaned into your touch. "Just give in to me. Let me take the weight off your shoulders, my love."

You could see the way he seemed to think about it. You already knew he'd bend; he craved you too much to deny you.

His hand suddenly grabbed your sash only to have you smack it away.

"I already told you the terms, Kenpachi. My clothes don't come off until you've finished going through this file." The large man responded by huffing through his nose like a bull with an irritated expression on his face. "Don't give me that look. You're the one taking forever to finish your work."

"I-"

"No. And I won't repeat myself again." Your tone had a threatening edge that got his attention. It was a battle of wills, and you both knew your resolve was much stronger. Kenpachi was greatly driven by his instincts given his upbringing and was rarely ever patient. It was something you used against him to make him crumble.

He was already aching, and grinding against your ass wasn't enough- he wanted more. So he angrily scrawled on the papers on the desk, signing off on the reports that had been waiting so long for him to do so. You couldn't help but smile at your victory. You rocked your hips back, pressing against his hard cock to tease him.

"Ngh!" Kenpachi hunched over with his jaw clenched tight, his nails digging into the desk as his grip on the pen was nearly crushing it. You then turned around to face him while sitting against the edge of the desk.

With his hakama pooled around his ankles and the rest of his clothes barely hanging on his shoulders, there was nothing obscuring your view of his body. His thighs were like tree trunks on either side of you, his dick hard and leaking from the tip as his broad chest rose and fell with each breath.

You hummed and grabbed his hips to pull him closer while listening to the scratching of the pen against the paper.

"Oh, sweetheart. You should finish that fast if you want to take care of this anytime soon." You cooed while running your finger over the head of his cock to collect the precum beading there. Kenpachi's hips bucked as his breath shook, and now that you were facing him, you could see every twitch and flex of his muscles from your touch.

Even his thighs twitched on either side of you as you made it harder for him to focus. Leaning forward, you kissed his warm chest before licking. You listened to how his breath faltered as he tried so hard to get to the last page of the report. You were feeding off of his desperation.

Grabbing his choker, you pulled him closer to kiss down the side of his neck. Your hands went up the back of his thighs before cupping his ass and squeezing. Kenpachi jolted and paused for a second to take a deep breath.

Your hands traveled over his hips and down his thighs only to trail back up his inner thighs. Your fingertips ghosting over the sensitive skin there made Kenpachi's cock twitch. Precum left a trail of moisture along his shaft as he rocked his hips as if silently begging for you to touch him where he needed it most.

Dragging your finger up the underside of his dick, Kenpachi grunted. The low, gravelly sound delighted you as you continued to toy with the large man before you. Your fingertips traced his form, following the dips and curves of his muscles as you nipped his chest and left gentle marks on his skin.

Kenpachi, on the other hand, was barely hanging on. He was beginning to sound like an animal with his heavy breaths and grunting through clenched teeth. His hips rocked, seeking any relief he could get while struggling to get to the end of the report.

You knew when he finally reached the end because he nearly ripped your sash off and threw open your kosode. Kenpachi was determined to get you undressed as soon as possible without ruining your clothes. No matter how tempting it was to do so, he knew the consequences from the last time he'd done it and left you pissed off and waiting in the office while he had to go find you new clothes.

His hands were on you, pulling and squeezing to get your body against his without any space in between. His face was in your hair, inhaling your scent without shame with a groan.

You grabbed his haori to shove it off his shoulders, leaving him naked with his clothes piled on the floor. Kenpachi nipped the corner of your jaw before licking to soothe the sting as he wrapped his arms around you to get you on the desk. You slid the reports back to make more room.

Kenpachi left sloppy kisses down the side of your neck while running his hands up your thighs. His tongue dragged over your collarbone as your fingers tangled in his hair. You pushed his head lower while spreading your legs further.

"I'll give you a choice here. I'll let you cum if you finish another report, or you can use that tongue of yours first instead." Kenpachi looked up at you, and without hesitation, buried his face between your thighs. He grabbed your hips to pull you closer to the edge of the desk as he fell to his knees. "Good boy." You purred while running your fingers through his wild hair.

Kenpachi groaned when he tasted your arousal. With one hand still in his hair, you placed the other on the desk to give you better stability. His tongue made broad strokes to lap up your accumulated slick, but he wasn't slow. No, he was like a starved man and a mess.

His eyes were hooded but never fully closed as he dragged his tongue over your clit. You took in a sharp breath and tightened your grip on his hair. Kenpachi groaned, the vibration traveling along his tongue in the best ways.

You tilted your hips to give him easier access to your leaking core, and he greedily slid his tongue deep inside to let your taste drown his taste buds. His hands moved from your hips to your thighs while getting your legs over his broad shoulders.

Kenpachi was noisy and dug his fingers into your plush thighs. His naturally menacing features were endearing with the red tint coloring the tips of his ears and his nose scrunched up with a snarl. It was as if he couldn't get enough of you with the way he pulled you closer and groaned into your wet heat.

His tongue eventually retreated only for his lips to close around your clit. You moaned when he began sucking and let your head fall back with your eyes closed. His strong grip on your thighs helped keep you grounded because, fuck, was his mouth good for more than just shouting.

"That's it. You're doing so good." Your breathy voice was followed by a moan. Kenpachi dragged his tongue over your clit before delving back into your core. You looked down at him to see that he was already looking up at you. "What's the matter, gorgeous? Reaching your limit?"

Kenpachi growled while tightening his grip on your thighs to the point of bruising. His pupils were wide and made his eyes look so dark, and the hunger within their depths made you nearly pounce on him, but you had to maintain at least a modicum of self-control. There was no telling what damage could be done to the office if you didn't.

"You're- Ngh!- right where you belong, my love. On your knees for me." You gave a lopsided grin while running your fingers through his hair. "I bet your poor cock is weeping being so neglected." You tugged on his hair to force his face back away from you.

Around his mouth and chin were soaked with drool and your slick, mixing and dripping from his chin as he panted. Kenpachi licked his lips like a hungry animal would its maw.

"Do you think you deserve to cum?" You questioned while cocking your head to the side.

"Yes." Kenpachi's voice was low and husky.

"I don't know." You hummed.

"What else do you want from me? The reports? I'll fill out the fucking reports."

"Begging now, are you? My, you must be desperate." You leaned over while pulling his hair to make his head lean back. Kissing his forehead, you smiled. "All right, sweetheart." You slid your legs off his shoulders to stand.

Placing your hands on his shoulders, you lowered yourself to straddle his lap and to keep him on his knees. Draping one arm over the back of his neck, you reached down with your other hand. Kenpachi grabbed your hips as you palmed his cock to guide him toward your entrance.

The slick and saliva helped ease his way in, and you kissed him while feeling him go deeper and deeper. You could taste yourself on his lips as he groaned. Kenpachi's grip tightened, digging his fingers into your flesh with a low grunt.

"Mmm. Fuck, you feel so good." You muttered with your lips brushing against his while carding your fingers through the trail of hair under his belly button. With your feet hooked over his thighs, you were able to lift yourself before lowering back down.

Kenpachi's hands moved from your hips to grab your ass. You licked his cheek while running your hand up his torso. His breath shook as you touched him.

"Open your eyes, sweetheart. Look at me." Kenpachi opened his eyes and looked right into yours. "You're doing so good. But I want you to do one more thing for me, my love."

His jaw clenched as his eyes begged you to not make him wait any longer. He'd been holding out this entire time, doing as you asked, listening to your orders and accepting your terms.

You chuckled and grabbed his choker before falling back while dragging him down with you. You landed on your clothes with him hovering over you. Taking in a deep breath through your nose, you slowly let it out through your mouth.

"I want you to let loose, big boy. Make me cum." You purred while still holding his choker. Kenpachi's nostrils flared as he huffed like a bull. He planted his hands on the floor on either side of you before rocking his hips back.

"Fucking finally." Kenpachi muttered before thrusting his hips into you. He groaned as you bit your bottom lip. His long hair spilled over his shoulders and swayed with his thrusting.

"Harder." You panted while tugging on his choker, and he did as told, going harder while digging his nails into the floor. You moaned with your legs hooking over his hips. After a few thrusts, however, Kenpachi snatched something from the floor while lifting your hips. He shoved the garment under you after rolling it up.

Kenpachi had used his Captain's Haori to angle your hips higher. Given the size difference between you two, it made it easier for Kenpachi to go deeper at the perfect angle. Your head rolled back with a moan as Kenpachi groaned. He was pistoning his cock, his balls smacking against your ass with each thrust.

"Fuck! Yes, right there!" You pulled Kenpachi closer, and he buried his face into your neck, moaning into your skin. His larger body caged yours against the floor as he clung to you, his grip rough enough to leave marks.

Your nails raked over his back, leaving red lines in their wake. Kenpachi bucked his hips as he grunted and his hot breath rolled over your skin. You felt his lips part before his teeth grazed your shoulder.

One of your hands slid up the back of his neck and into his hair. His thrusts jostled your entire body, his dick dragging against your walls before slamming back in at a rapid pace. He was grunting and groaning into your shoulder with some of the sounds he made coming out like growls and whines.

"Oh, fuck~!" You pulled on his hair while leaving more marks on his back. "Don't stop! Don't you dare fucking stop!" The pressure was rising in your lower gut as you could feel your orgasm getting closer and closer.

Kenpachi groaned and latched his mouth on the side of your neck to leave a hickey. His rough hands pulled you even closer to his body, skin feeling so hot as if a fire was burning just beneath. He let go of your neck with a pop before dragging his tongue over the forming bruise.

His mark was too high to be hidden beneath your uniform, but you didn't mind. The needy brute was like a dog marking territory, making sure others knew you were taken. Who else could make him feel this way and beg for it again if not you?

How your fingers tangled in his hair and pulled, the marks you left on his skin, the way you squeezed around him; it was maddening.

"Look at me, sweetheart." You got Kenpachi to lift his head to look at you. He was a mess, drooling and panting with his hair looking wilder from you mussing it up. Cupping his face in your hands, you brushed your thumbs over his cheeks. "That's my good boy." You cooed, but his gaze went unfocused as his jaw dropped with a loud, rumbling moan.

Kenpachi rutted with his balls still smacking against your ass, his cock twitching with each spurt of cum. His entire body tensed, but he forced his hips to keep moving.

"I told you to make me cum."

"I will. I will." Kenpachi panted and grabbed the back of your knees to push your legs toward your chest. "I can keep going." He grunted, but you could hear the edge of desperation in his voice. With his hips flush against your ass, you felt so utterly full as his cum was leaking out.

His gaze was glued to you as his thrusts were slower but deeper than before. Kenpachi looked feral with drool dripping down his chin and the veins in his his arms bulging as he held you in place. He was determined to give you what you wanted no matter how overstimulated he got.

You placed one of your hands over your pelvis and added pressure, making both of you moan. Kenpachi bucked and shuddered while snarling and trying so hard to hang on. With your other hand, you began to rub circles over your clit.

The sound Kenpachi made as you clenched around his cock was a gravely whimper as his back arched. His grip on your thighs tightened, and you listened to him cry out. His determination to give you what you wanted, to make you happy, was the only thing keeping him going. Kenpachi's overly sensitive dick continued plowing and forcing out his cum with each thrust.

It made a mess on both of you, and you were filled with pride. Watching the large, intimidating man crumbling over you was such a delight. He was trying his best to wade through the pleasure and overstimulation numbing his mind to make sure you got to cum, too.

When you finally did get to climax, Kenpachi was cumming again with a loud, bellowing moan. He buried his cock in you as deep as he could, feeling you tense around him as his eyes closed from the overwhelming sensations.

Kenpachi groaned while dropping on top of you. His face nuzzled under your jaw with his arms wrapping around you.

"Aw, tuckered out now? That's okay. You did so good." You couldn't help but chuckle before kissing the side of his head. Wrapping your arms around him, you even carded your fingers through his hair in a comforting manner. Despite his weight on you, it wasn't too much for you to tell him to move. You let him rest on you, skin to skin, as his heavy breathing began to mellow out.

With your cheek resting on his head, your hand not playing with his hair began to rub soothing circles over his shoulder blade.

"Do you need water?" You questioned, and Kenpachi grunted in response. "I have a bottle at my desk if you do." He only grunted again. "You're so cute like this, my love." You chuckled and kissed the side of his head again.

In return, Kenpachi just nuzzled against you further. After all of your teasing and then the overstimulation, it wasn't a surprise that he would need a moment to collect himself. Your touch was gentle and helped ground him.

"A reward for each report?" Kenpachi mumbled against your throat.

"Yes, you'll still get a treat. But only when you finish them." Your answer was met with a grunt to let you know you had been heard. Kenpachi suddenly reared up, kneeling while leaning on the edge of the desk. You heard the rustling of papers from him going through another report. Chuckling, you sat up and kissed his chest before resting your cheek against his skin, listening to his heartbeat while patiently waiting and thinking of his next reward.

#kenpachi zaraki #kenpachi smut #bleach smut #bleach fanfic #bleach #bleach x reader #kenpachi x reader #reader x character #afab reader #sub!character #dom!reader #sub!kenpachi #lemon #Wolf does fanfic

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alien-girl-21 · 4 days ago

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Since I won't see my friends until next year, I thought it would be a perfect time to do this again

Joker out and käärijä as random shit my friends say!!

(+ sneaky joost in one entry)

Under the cut because it's LONG

Kris: I actually miss Bojan, i'm going to tell him to come back from New York... but don't tell him I said that, it might get to his head that I actually like him

Bojan: writes on the board

Jan: is that arabic?

-Bojan's first time taking money out of the atm-

Bojan: what do I do now?

The screen of the atm: please select the language of your transaction

Martin: choose Slovenian, idiot

-at the airport-

Bojan: I'm going to get a pamphlet real quick

Jan: sure, I'll wait here

Bojan, coming back empty handed: I think I fell in love

Kris: in bojan's defense —not to defend him— but in his defense

Nace: hey, you wanna share this cookie?

Jan: sure

Nace: it doesn't break though, I already ate my half

Jan: you're an idiot, of course it can break, here, see? I broke it

Bojan: I ship you guys

Jan: -breaks a chair-

Jan: fuck, let me fix it -breaks the chair even more-

Jure: try to put the thing in that hole

Jan: -fixes the chair- Bob the builder 😎

(In the gc)

Jere: you want go party?

Bojan: I can't

Bojan: i'm sick and don't want to get worse

Kris: if Bojan isn't going, I'm not going

Jure: no fucking way 🤣

Bojan: I had to read that twice

Bojan: I was about to call him a bitch

Allu: if someone was killed while we were together, I think that Jesse, Jukka, and Jere would be the most level headed one's

Jesse: I think that Jere would be the one in charge to calm us

Jere: I would be making jokes like "at least we're better than that guy" and pointing at tommi's dead body

Jure: might go to this -shows a flyer for a singles only cruise-

Nace: only 99 euros? That's cheap... when is it?

Bojan: aren't you taken?

Nace: Oh fuck, I am

Bojan: apologize now

Nace, taking his phone out: I'm so sorry, babe

-during esc-

Bojan: okay, we're next, we can do this

Nace: -starts doing push ups for some fucking reason-

Jere: i go on stage now

Bojan: NOOO— i mean, YESSS

Jere: ?

Bojan: i'm just used to you leaving me alone :(

Jure and bojan: playfighting

Jure: now it's your turn, jan!

Bojan: jan wouldn't do that to me because he respects me 😌

Jan, getting ready to slap bojan:

(In spanish because there is no way to translate this dad joke)

Bojan: antes de que se me olvide, les quería contar un chiste: donde nacen las computadoras?

Jure: no sé

Bojan: en el mar

Nace: por qué?

Jan: porque navegan

Bojan: porque son peces

Kris: miren a los tremendos payasos que nos cargamos en esta banda

Bojan: 🥰

Host: for this, we're going to need groups of 6

Joker out: does a group hug

Bojan, tapping jere's arm: jere, jere

Jere: what?

Bojan: join us

Jere: really? Me? 🥰

Bojan: yes, you, you're part of the group 🥰

Kris: can you two stop?

Kris: do you have a pen?

Bojan, handing him a rainbow pen: yeah

Kris: gay pen

Bojan: at least it works

Kris: faggot

Bojan: I am! You have a problem with that?

Kris: I was talking to the pen! Not you!

Interviewer: Who would survive the longest in a deserted island?

Everyone: Jure

Bojan: I could survive, I think

Kris: I think that a coconut would fall on your head and you would die

Jesse: if a girl asked to peg you, what would you say?

Häärijä: no

Jere: skill issue

While watching a football game, in the gc:

Jan: well, i'm going to wait for the game to start while eating my cereal

Bojan: now I want some

Jan: the small box costs 2 euros in the supermarket

Bojan: you know what? I'm going to the supermarket now, i'm going to spend money because of you

Jan, sending a pic of the cereal box: here it is for reference 👍🏻

Bojan, after turning the washing machine on and somehow there was a power outage in the whole floor at the same time: ☹

Martin: hey, don't worry, it wasn't your fault, bojč

The electrician, a couple of days later: yeah, so, the outage was caused because someone used too much electricity in this apartment while someone was showering in the unit next to this one

Martin: so it was your fucking fault

Jan: I photoshopped us into some world cup images

Nace: it looks like Messi is kissing you, Bojan

Bojan: yeah

Jure: that's your dream right? Messi kissing you?

Bojan: yeah 🥰

Someone: yeah, so I spoke with the director, and he asked me if I spoke dutch and I said yeah

Jure: can you speak duch to us?

Someone, in dutch: I can, but what can I say? I just learned it to learn it, not because I liked it

Jan: okay, okay, Kris, it's your turn, reply in Dutch!

Jure: like we practiced

Bojan: literally jumping up and down like an excited puppy

Kris: this is bullshit, stupid fucking coordinators, they have shit in the fucking head instead of a stupid brain!

Jan: said the princess

-while playing volleyball-

Jure: just imagine the ball is your ex!

Bojan, cradling the ball in his arms: i'm so sorry, it was all my fault, I miss you everyday

Jan: great job, idiot

Nace: you look really good today, Bojan

Kris: yeah, your outfit is really well color coordinated

Bojan: thank you, krisko

Nace: and what about me?

Bojan: it's because Kris only bullies me, so a compliment from him matters more

Jure: idk if I'll be able to go out this Saturday, my parents are starting to make milk, and because of that I need to close their shop that night

Kris: making milk?

Jure: soy milk, yeah

Kris: Oh, I was about to ask since when did your parents have cows

Nace: moo

Jan: moo

^ they proceed to moo at each other for the next five minutes while the conversation carries on

Jere, just minding his business:

Häärijä, handing him a paper crown: you are now the queen of this realm

Jere: ❓

Häärijä: you will be the queen until we vote on who will be coronated next

Jere: thanks?

Häärijä: my pleasure, your majesty

Kris: I actually didn't call any of my exes while I was drunk last night, that's a great achievement!

Jere: hey guys, sorry if you hear me swearing, i'm playing a videogame..... FUCKING BULLSHIT

Jesse, after jere got the piña colada tattoo: hey can I see your prision tattoo?

Nace: remember to participate in the meeting

Bojan: i'm watching football

Nace: they're asking you a question bojč

Bojan: GOAAALLL!!!!!

Bojere, sitting chest to back in a bench:

Jan:

Bojan: Oh Jan, sorry that we're facing away from you

Jere: you want to hug me too? Join train?

Jan: yeah sure, let me just—

Jere: no! Don't touch me!

Kris: I would like to go back in time to meet Jesus and smoke weed with him

Käärijä: so, I'm walking to get to work, and I see a line of police cars and I'm thinking "I fucking hope that they don't want to do spontaneous searching because my bag is 90% weed, 10% my actual stuff"

Someone: yeah, this is my daughter, she's 4 and learning how to play drums

Bojan: that's your daughter? Oh my gosh 🥺

Kris: Bojan, you have a severe case of baby fever

Jere: where are the bathrooms?

Jukka, craning jere's head up to see the giant "TOILET" sign above them: over here

Kris: would you be with a guy?

Bojan: I'm bisexual, of course

Kris: what? 😱

Bojan: I already told you, you know this!

Kris: WHAT??

Joost, in the middle of having sex: babe wait, codnom broked :(

Kris: do you guys think the bouncer will let me in? I'm kind of tipsy

Jan: just go in confidently, he won't suspect a thing

Bojan: the last time he went in confidently he was banned from the club

Jan: so, how'd you sleep last night?

Kris: good

Jan: you don't seem so convinced

Kris: I slept in late

Jan: how late?

Kris: midnight

Jan: Oh, how blasphemous, how late

Kris, anytime they go to a new city: look at this door! I'm too tall to fit in it... look at this other door! I'm also too tall to fit in it... look at this door!

Bojan, about stephanie: she's the world cup and i'm bolivia.... but hopefully I'll be bolivia in '94 and she will still be the world cup

Jan: I'm not like Jesus, at all

Bojan: well, you kind of are in some ways

Kris: yeah, you only hang out with fags and prostitutes

Bojan, pointing at them: here you have three fags

Bojan, pointing at jure: and there's a prostitute

Jesse: why are you leaving everything for last minute?

Jere: because I fucking want to and I fucking can 😝

Häärijä, holding up the printed meme: 🐴🤝🏻🐴 no pelien

During a post-barcelona pre-party meeting:

Kris: I think that's all for today

Bojan: typing very loudly

Jan: who are you talking to?

Bojan: with someone 🥰 you know him already

Nace: ohhh the lovebirds 😏

Bojan: raising his hand up repeatedly

Kris: yes, Bojan?

Bojan: I'm really happy 🥰🥰 -instantly goes back to typing-

Kris: I'm happy for you, man

Jere after inflating five balloons for a party: well, my job here is done, time for my very well deserved rest

Jesse: get back up, you fuck, we need to move these chairs

Häärijä: bartender! Bartender! Bartender!!

Jere: I'm here, what do you want?

Häärijä: hi :) -leaves-

Bojan: sometimes I feel like I am batman and žare is the riddler

Jukka: you guys would be the worst clowns at a kid's birthday party. They would ask you for swords, and you would give them snakes

Kris, after seeing Jure having a sugar crash: someone give him a fucking celery or something, he's fucking melting on the couch!

Jere: you live life like it's last day, say sorry to people, hug people, even punch if you have to punch!

All of joker out: raising their fists to punch bojan

Jere: we only had a 5 euro budget for this secret santa so I bought one chocolate bar

Allu: it's not even wrapped!

Jere: wrapping paper is expensive!

During the secret santa:

Allu: I'm so fucking scared of seeing who jere got

Jere: so I had to buy something for...... Jesse!

Jesse: FUCK!

#yes i do think they're all fucking clowns and i love them for it 💕#main tagging because this was a 6 month effort #joker out #käärijä #joost klein #<- he makes a special guest appearance in the quote that made me laugh the hardest so.....

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saucyjothoughts · 30 days ago

Note

hey saucy <3 this is quite a self-indulgent ask, although maybe something similar has been submitted here before (sorry if that's the case 😭) but I just had this thought come into my head whilst trying to sleep.

so, I've always been very self-conscious about my weight and my body, but especially recently I've been feeling it a lot. I have stretch marks all across my hips and over my lower stomach and down the tops of my thighs which suddenly got a lot worse for like no apparent reason? and obviously I kinda hate them a lot 😅 and it made me realise that although I haven't been intimate with someone for quite a while, if I were to right now I think I would actually be too self-conscious to want my body to be fully seen, which makes me sad.

I was wondering if you could write a little something about how each of the boys would react to their partner telling them they're incredibly self-conscious about showing their body during sex, and also what kinds of things they'd be willing to do to make someone feel more comfortable. if they'd suggest wearing a blindfold or doing stuff over clothes or under the bedsheets or with the lights off, maybe? just so I can have some shameless fantasies to really resonate with and make me smile :)

thank you so much! 🫶

Sorry you've been feeling this way, Anonyboo! Please enjoy some thoughts below.

You might also enjoy this.

Bojan: when you said you haven't been intimate with anyone in a long time, Bojan took that as a personal challenge. He started doing everything he could to make you feel comfortable around him, sharing his own insecurities and showering you with compliments.

Jan: wears a blindfold for you the first time. He lets you place his hands wherever you allow, lets you undress yourself and feel his touch on you when he can't see anything. It's great for him, the sensory deprivation making every touch so much more intense, every piece of skin you want to place under his hands or on his lips... Has he ever told you how good you smell?

Jure: doesn't understand how you can think your body is anything other than wonderful. Let him draw all over your stretch marks... No, actually, command him to draw all over your stretch marks. Let him practice his shibari on you and enjoy how the ropes dig into your flesh. Sit on his face and let him drown. You can't be self-conscious when he's begging you like this.

Kris: loves the way the light falls over your curves. He discovered early on that you feel more comfortable in low light. It started with a bedside lamp, then candlelight, now he has a range of ambient colours which play over your edges beautifully. His photography is amateur, but he keeps trying anyway - showing off the best shots of you and trying to convince you to let him commission them into paintings to have on the wall.

Nace: loves your stretch marks. He has his own, all across his belly. Bojan calls them his tiger stripes but he's always hated them. It wasn't until he started seeing the same insecurities in you and realising that you weren't attractive despite your body but because of it that he started seeing the beauty in himself as well. Maybe he's not ready to film himself making love to you yet. But he's getting there.

#therapy sessions #bojan cvjetićanin #nace jordan #jan peteh #kris guštin #jure maček

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mantequillamcwhoremick · 4 months ago

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Hi! I ended up reading through Choas Plan in pretty much two days (your writing is actually phenomenal) but I was actually curious on your inspirations to write it? Did it come from any other particular works or maybe episodes from sp?

WHAT NO WAY😭😭😭😭😭😭WHAT THE HELL THAT'S SO NICE HOLY SHIT THANK YOU SO MUCH <33333

You can't just ask me shit like that dude I will respond with a huge fucking essay I LOVE questions like that!!!!

I honestly have several inspirations, many come from the show itself and some I've drawn from cyber crime documentaries and books I like (namely the Six of Crows duology by Leigh Bardugo, you might recognize the scene with Mysterion and Harris in chapter 3 is very VERY similar to the one between Kaz and Jan Van Eck at the beginning of the book), but if you've read the notes in the fic you might have seen that the story idea was initially born when I was playing TFBW.

The Idea

The U-Stor-It scene where Butters/Chaos locks the C**n and Friends in the facility and talks to them through a screen was just so fascinating to me, it reminded me a lot of Jinx from Arcane and the Joker in The Dark Knight (especially because of the flashy decorations and graffiti). Mainly the story evolved from the question I posed to myself in that moment, which was: "What needs to happen for Butters to become someone like Jinx?" and that's how I started brainstorming the backstory.

The Backstory

Obviously that was inspired mainly by Linda's behavior in Butters' Very Own Episode, but it features elements from stuff all over the series and the games that prove just how fucked up Butters' parents are and treat him.

(Remember when in TFBW he mentioned that they bought an electronic lock system to keep him in his room because he left the bathroom once while grounded? yeah, that convinced me Butters' home life probably would only get worse with the years, especially with him entering his teens & puberty, and Post Covid honestly just confirmed that.)

The Villain/Hero Concept

I hadn't yet watched much more of South Park than up until seasons 15/16 so I didn't know about Post Covid's Vic Chaos yet, I mostly just wanted to do something with Mysterion and Chaos that had a darker and serious tone without either of them having any Marvel-esque powers or tech-organizations aiding them, something closer to the South Park lore at hand and realistic enough to feel like it could happen in our world.

Chaos' Methods

With Butters having a knack for Internet-related shit and him being able to hack into a baseball stadium screen to broadcast his evil plans in the Professor Chaos episode, and ofc his whole thing in TFBW and the episode of him becoming a pimp, I figured he has the stuff to be a hacker and entrepreneur.

I started getting spoilered a lot on the whole Vic Chaos and NFT scammer thing so even though I hadn't watched Post Covid I drew a lot of inspiration from that as well. I've been watching a lot of documentaries on Cryptocurrency scams and other cyber crime related stuff, so yeah all that shit also gets my brain generating a bunch of ideas as well.

Mysterion

As for Kenny/Mysterion's side of the story- I'm a huge fan of the "criminal who gets paid by a shitty pig/capitalist who would normally never hire them to take on a job" concept in Six of Crows, so that's how I got Harris involved, later further fueled by his Thin White Line arc in TFBW.

The way Kenny used his death powers in the C**n & Friends episodes I found very intriguing, and I absolutely LOVE playing around with them, so I included my own interpretation & spin of it as an active "superpower" he uses in order to be successful enough as a vigilante to be taken seriously. His canon powers separate him from your average humanbeing. It's a way to show the audience "hey look, Kenny really is just some guy, but also no one else could take on this role, ever. He may not have super strength or speed or money for equipment backing him, but he can get into places and out like no other person ever."

Coming up with a kryptonite-type weakness was also super fun, because I didn't want things to just be too easy. Mainly it's his need to remain anonymous, but the biggest reason for that need is because he needs to keep up his ability to financially support Karen. That, I obviously got from the show-, namely episodes like Mysterion Rises, The Poor Kid and City Part of Town, but his dynamic with Karen got increasingly more interesting and influenced in the fic after I played the TFBW DLC From Dusk Til Casa Bonita. The fact that he's so obsessed with keeping her safe the best way he knows how but completely overlooks to consider letting her have a say in it, is absolutely delicious. Like fuck yes, let's go complicate these character relationships (rubs hands evilly)

TL;DR

Inspirations come from all over, but of course the main ones do come from the show and games. Kenny and Butters have always been increasingly fascinating characters to me the more I watched the show, so the fact that Kenny canonically is the only kid Butters respects (source: s16, Ep "Going Native"), to an extent that in the future Butters funded his entire career, I thought had a shit ton of potential. Hence their friendship in the fic before "the incident", and the way Butters goes about Kenny now that he's taking over the town >:)))

Thank you SO SO MUCH for the ask!!!! I hope I didn't ramble too much for what you actually wanted to know, but I just absolutely love sharing my inspirations for this fic. Really gets my brain go brrrrr heheheh I'm so so grateful that this interests you <33333

#ask #south park #sp #kenny mccormick #sp kenny #butters stotch #sp butters #sp bunny #mysterion #professor chaos #Chaos Plan #my fic #ao3 writer #sp fanfiction #south park fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction

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tikus-library · 11 months ago

Text

"The Look"

Avengers AU - Quick Fic

Characters: Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Reader

Posted: Jan 20th

WARNINGS: none, idiots being idiots

A/N: I was at the laundromat yesterday when I saw the gif and needed to write something- so gave this.

Like, Comments, & Reblogs are always appreciated and loved.

**Please Do Not Repost or 'Fix' My Work**

Leave kudos on Ao3

“Here comes Y/N! Do the thing- do the thing!” Sam elbowed him, shit eating grin in place.

Bucky sighed with his entire soul, “Sam, it doesn't do anything, it's just a look, that's all, it doesn't matter”

“If it doesn't matter then do it.”

“Why would I?” He shot back as Sam stopped, shifted his hip out and crossed his arms.

Sam rolled his eyes to Steve, “he won't do the thing!”

“Steve get your friend”

“He's more your friend than mine these days pal,” Steve chuckled.

“Here she comes… you should see how she reacts to it, you'd understand me Steve, this one here is just an idiot.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes as Steve shrugged, shook his head and raised his hands in classic ‘I don't know’ fashion. “fine-” he bit out, stepping out between them and tipping his head down and looking up at you.

Today couldn't get worse. Today everything was wrong. Today every file that was sent to you was backwards or upside down, some were even corrupted and Tony thought it was the funniest shit, as if you could be any later now you had to do a quick debriefing of the three stooges that were currently coming back in from a mission and really as if you didn't get enough shoved on your plate– wonderful, you perked up realizing the three were right there, together, you could get it done in five minutes as long as you heckled them.

You could just stare at Steve or Sam. They were good, wholesome, wonderful guys that were not the sergeant. Not that Bucky wasn't wholesome or handsome– actually he was very handsome, distractingly so, especially when he smiled, or put his hand through his hair, or just breathed in your general vicinity.

Speaking of the Sergeant you saw him step forwards and meet your gaze, head dropping, hair shifting forwards to frame his face, lips pressed down and bright blue eyes focused on you.

Your brain flat lined.

Y/N stopped in her tracks, her determined steps halting, Bucky cocked his head to the side and was surprised when she did an abrupt about face and practically RAN back in the direction she had come from. He shoved a hand into his face.

Great, now you were scared of him, as if he didn't have enough trouble figuring out what to say to you. Now you wouldn't show your face around him.

Steve guffawed, bringing Bucky back out of his depressed thoughts. “Good gawd Buck, I forgot the effect you had on a woman.”

“What?!” He demanded, “she ran out of here in fear for her life!” Sam cracked, a howl of laughter spilling forth, Bucky clenched his fists, “you think that's funny?”

Sam clapped a hand on his shoulder, “that wasn't fear man! That girl wants you, she wants you real bad.”

Bucky jerked back, blinking hard. “No.”

Steve nodded as he looked over at him. “That wasn't fear pal, that was panic, I can tell you this much – Y/N is quiet because when she does speak she can't keep her mouth in check, which usually tends to land her in hot water.”

Bucky turned to Sam, who was wiping away a few tears, “she has literally called us both hot, but said there was no way she would date us.”

“But when I asked her for her opinion on you–” Steve laughed, but sobered and leveled a look at him, “buddy, ya need to talk to her.”

“It was pretty colorful,” Sam murmured

“What did she say?” Bucky asked.

Sam shook his head, looking over at Steve, “did you see the way she shivered at the look?”

Steve nodded laughing as he moved around Bucky, “makes you realize what she said had to be true.”

Sam gasped as the two continued to walk, “Y/N! She really is full of surprises! Scandalous!!!”

“WHAT DID SHE SAY?!” Bucky cried following the two.

#the Look #james bucky barnes #quick fic #sam wilson #steve Rogers #reader

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im-a-simp-for-my-ships · 6 months ago

Text

I'm so angry, so upset I can hardly think straight. I'd been staying away from the news for a while now because I couldn't take listening to what that tangerine and his cronies were doing next.

And after thinking I'm strong enough to see what I've missed, I hear that the Supreme Court, the right hand of that shitbag in an orange skinsuit, has given the Jan 6th insurrectionists the win they wanted, have overturned YET ANOTHER long standing precedent that now gives the judiciary a giant fucking knife to gut any and all regulations that go against special interests, because they can, AND has now said fuck you to the homeless and have upheld the ban to keep them from sleeping outside even though it's more often their only fucking option when there's no fucking services to give them the help they need.

I'm so angry, so scared, I can't think straight. My heart is in my throat and I'm fucking terrified that with all these assholes telling people not to vote and to throw their vote away because both parties are bad, that it's gonna get A LOT worse come November. If fucking trump gets back into the white house, that's it. The Supreme Court is already unhinged because of what he did during his first 4 years. I'm horrified to think how much worse it can get.

They came for roe v wade. They came for affirmative action. They've made the judiciary into a hammer to break anything they don't like in their way. The majority of the court hates women, people of color, lgbtq+, the poor, and they're gonna come after every one of us just because they can.

Anyone who says both parties are the same?? You can all fuck off into a fucking lava pit. I loathe every single one of you who incite people not to vote because they need to have picture perfect fucking candidate that fits EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE OF THEIR IDEALS and refuse to compromise to the detriment of the rest of the country.

This is YOUR fault we're where we are. It's YOUR fault that Hillary wasn't voted president, and we got that fucking grease stain for 4 fucking years, that gave us the supreme court we have now, who's tearing up our rights with every ruling. It's YOUR fault that roe v wade was lost, and that women's bodies, which have always been fair game in red states, are now in even more danger than ever. That handmaidens tale universe is getting closer to being a reality with all the shit you dumbass fucks have pulled.

And now you want to continue with your fucking misinformation and encouraging people not to vote because what, because you think your cause is more righteous than everyone else's? You think someone can't condemn what's happening in Gaza what's happening with Palestinians and still vote blue??? You think if I don't want to hand over control of my body to the government, if I don't want to lose my right to vote, to not worry that they'll be coming after me if I'm lgbtq or a minority or anything they don't view as deserving of basic human rights, that I should be like you??? And toss this country into hands that want to take all that away??? Do you really think not voting for biden or any other democrat is gonna help Palestinians??? Really?? Are you that. FUCKING. DUMB???!! I want to shake every single one of you to wake the fuck up because you'll do nothing but make it easier for the Supreme court to keep doing what it's doing, for the party that hates anything not white, not rich, not straight unless it benefits them, to get stronger and stronger until all of us that don't think like them are crushed like fucking ants under their boots.

So fuck you to anyone who spread lies, who tells others not to vote, that a vote for democrats is a vote for genocide, because you know what? You're slowly helping to kill your friends, families, and yes strangers, because of your inaction. You're helping to put people in power that don't give ONE FUCK about Palestine. Don't give ONE FUCK about anything but turning this country into their own personal fucking playground where they can do whatever they want, with impunity.

VOTE FUCKING BLUE PEOPLE VOTE LIKE YOUR LIFE IS ON THE LINE---BECAUSE IT IS.

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punsmaster69 · 1 year ago

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5/JAN/20XX

well. it's his, but somehow i woke up with that stuffed bear on my bed.

he must've forgotten to get it.

also on the end of my bed was papyrus, but he got up sometime before me.

last night he wanted me to read to him, but also wanted for me to rest.

so he ended up falling asleep on the end of my bed.

thought about waking him, but he looked peaceful. (at first.) ended up tossin' my blanket over him instead.

but. it's on me now, so i suppose it was returned before long.

——

papyrus looked out the window and slowly sipped from his cup. coffee, for once.

i'd have asked what changed, but he's not very good at pretending to sleep. his restless inability to stay still after waking up in the middle of the night told me all i needed to know.

won't tell him that he kept me up as well.

"mornin'."

i stepped up to the window beside him.

"GOOD MORNING."

he did a double take when he looked at me.

"ONE OF YOUR EYES ARE BACK ON!"

"oh. sick."

rain patters against the window.

i can't stop my attention from following one droplet in particular, comparing it to the speed of the others as if they were racing.

"IT FEELS LIKE..."

"EVERY TIME AFTER SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU, IT RAINS."

"just lucky, i guess."

"ARE WE SURE YOU'RE NOT ALLERGIC TO POOR ONCOMING WEATHER CONDITIONS?"

"that would be kinda rad."

"HOW IS THAT 'RAD'?"

"think about it."

"i'd make a killing as a weatherman."

"assuming the weather allergen didn't kill me first."

"YOU SUDDENLY COLLAPSE AND THEY JUST GO, 'OH, SANS IS DOWN. IT'S GONNA STORM TOMORROW.' "

"if it works it works."

i poured myself a coffee too, and pulled a chair up to the window. papyrus did the same, and we watched together as the rain took away what last bit of snow was still left.

"WE DIDN'T HAVE NEARLY ENOUGH TIME THIS YEAR."

"with the snow?"

"YEAH."

"at least it did snow at all."

"I MISS IT ALREADY."

"we can always revisit snowdin."

"IT'S DIFFERENT ON THE SURFACE."

"UP HERE IS SNOW THAT GLITTERS BEAUTIFULLY IN THE SUN; SNOW THAT VARIES IN CONSISTENCY FROM TIME TO TIME..."

"THAT'S THE KIND OF SNOW I WANT!!"

"i could point a flashlight at the at the stuff in snowdin. or throw some sparkles on it. might glitter then."

"NO..."

"and i could bring a hair dryer, to melt the snow a little of it so the texture's different."

"THAT'S JUST ENTIRELY WRONG."

"I DON'T WANT 𝙎𝙇𝙐𝙎𝙃."

"but it 𝘪𝘴 a different consistency."

"I DON'T WANT 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 KIND OF DIFFERENT."

"i don't 𝘴𝘯𝘰𝘸 what you mean then."

"DIFFERENT LIKE BETWEEN PACKING SNOW AND POWERED SNOW, I MEAN."

"......"

"wow. my brother is a snow expert."

"EXPERT??"

"snow 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘳."

"HMMM..."

"I 𝘈𝘔 A CONNOISSEUR AT EVERYTHING, SO IT MUST BE TRUE."

"must be."

"DOES THIS MEAN I'LL HAVE TO START BEING PARTICULARLY PICKY ABOUT SNOW?"

"one is not given the connoisseur title for their accepting of just any old snow."

"THEN IN FUTURE, LEAVE IT TO MY DISCERNING EYESOCKETS TO IDENTIFY THE BEST SNOW!"

"i trust your sockets."

"....."

"with everything lately, i can't say i really trust my own."

"YOU'VE GOT A LIGHT BACK. THAT'S PROGRESS!"

"but i can't use powerful magic or i'll lose it again."

"THAT... IT'LL JUST TAKE TIME, I'M SURE."

"ONCE YOUR EYE HEALS, I'M CERTAIN IT'LL GO BACK EXACTLY TO THE WAY IT WAS!"

"and if it doesn't..."

"WE'LL JUST HAVE TO COME UP WITH REALLY COOL FORMATIONS FOR YOUR REGULAR ATTACKS!"

he gave a bright smile.

papyrus' optimism made me feel a little better.

"HOW IS YOUR VISION DOING?"

"could be better."

"could be worse."

"IS IT STILL FUZZY?"

"from a distance."

"CAN YOU SEE ME RIGHT NOW?"

"yep."

"i can see the whipped cream on your face too."

"AH-?"

"WHOOPS."

"DO YOU WANT SOME IN YOUR COFFEE, TOO?"

"ehhh.."

"sure."

"why not?"

whipped cream mustaches sounded fun.

#undertale #journal #sans #papyrus #sans and papyrus #papyrus and sans #skelebros

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blacksurvivalnostalgichanges · 5 months ago

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my opinion on whether these characters bathe

Adela: she'd have good hygiene. minimum of once a day. for some reason i feel really, really confident on this. adela's just someone who seems clean

Adriana:stinky. wouldnt shower

Aiden:i wrote alex's first, and i think since the european part doesn't apply then i'm going with the second one and saying he probably showers before going out minimum

Alex:could go any way. you can argue "european from a cold country = not as much showering, more skewed to just wearing deodorant or perfume" or "theres no way a secret agent can afford to be stimky" and i would agree with both those options equally

Arda:the aspect of being depressed and a workaholic that nobody likes remembering is that you're not gonna be showering regularly. im sorry

Aya:normal amount of baths. whatever that is

Barbara:she's stinky. you can't convince me otherwise on this. she's stinky. it's not like she NEVER SHOWERS but i'd bet she's like "ehh once or twice a week is plenty"

Bernice:you look me in the proverbial eye and tell me he showers.

Bianca:i actually think she showers. why am i shocked at this. i think she showers though. the sort to say that if you don't shower before going to bed you feel worse. don't know if i'd go far enough to say twice a day though

Camilo:every time he goes out, minimum. he wouldn't be attractive if he stunk and i bet you could argue the strange self confidence stretches to. uh

Cathy:canonically showers a fucking lot

Celine:does not strike me as somebody who showers often. i think her ass can go a week without showering and not even think about it

Chiara: i think her self loathing has to stretch into baths. she probably showers at least sort of rarely, and when she does it's in the dark. she keeps her head down when she's brushing her teeth to not see herself in the mirror

Chloe:the ones i keep putting off because i'm not sure are the ones that probably default to "whatever the normal amount is". chloe showers whatever the normal amount is

Daniel:you know, i've heard secondhand so much advice on how to manage washing your hair. and you'd THINK this would help. it doesn't. because half the advice is "wash every day", the other half is "don't wash that often", and the one thing both of those agree on is "don't use scalding hot water, but don't use cold water either, both aren't a good idea, do warm water". the vibe i get is that he still showers semi often though

Echion:14 in 1 shampoo that smells like motor oil, like magnus

Elena:i think she'd only shower and not ever want a bathtub bath. because of trauma. idk i happened to be writing a bit in the fanfic that included her backstory and i actually sort of appreciate her after that. but what matters is that i think she showers twice a day

Eleven:she HAS to be the sort to shower twice a day. source:she's rich and for some reason that makes me really not buy that she'd bathe less. like. if you aren't bathing every day you're either depressed or poor and minding the water bill. she is neither

Eva:whatever the normal amount is also. i got nothing

Emma:i get the feeling, from the fact that she's a street magician, that she sometimes ends up having to not bathe every day and compensate in other ways. but also im pulling this out of my ass

Felix:i am so unbearably certain he doesn't shower ever day for some reason. i think every other day. i don't think he's at JP levels

Fiora:showers every day. i can't imagine otherwise

Hart:i am so sorry about this opinion for some reason but i can't imagine her showering more than every other day for some reason

Hyejin:showers every day, probably uses a nice flowery soap

Hyunwoo:showers every other day, probably

Isol:i think if we extend the way he feels about school he'd probably be like "i wish i could shower every day". since i dont think his circumstances would let him be very clean

Jackie:stinky. sorry

Jan:can we live in a universe where jan does bathe often. i don't want to imagine what it's like to live in the one where he doesnt. but also i just KNOW he smells so strongly of axe body spray. he needed that campaign going "only spray for as long as you say 'axe'!" but then he started saying AAAAAXE

Jenny:i feel like she showers twice a day. and id extend that she likes bubble baths but doesnt have a bathtub. and that her shampoo and conditioner are those ones that are really cheap and smell a bit "off" but in a particular way. cant figure out how to explain it

Johann:i think every day. before he goes to bed specifically. seems like a night bather

JP:canon stinky

Laura:rule of thumb:if a character is supposed to be attractive and doesn't have any good plot explanation otherwise, they shower at least once a day/before going out

Lenox:i think she doesnt shower that often but i dont like my conclusions on this :(

Leon:twice a day. i once found this soap that smelled like strawberry bubblegum and i think hed love that shit but then cover it up with man's deodorant

Li Dailin:i dont think she cares enough to shower. like. maybe she'd have trouble with getting herself to do it and kick herself over it since she's often like that. she has a slight undercurrent of self pity. but what that would mean is she's stinky

Luke: twice a day bare minimum. maybe more

Magnus:definitely showers shittily and uses one of those 14 in one shampoo for men that looks like motor oil

Mai:she so needs to have a bubble bath at least once every few days or she gets miffed. but in general i think twice a day

Nadine:you look me in the eye and tell me she showers

Nathapon: the logistics of him showering sound difficult and he seems like someone who lives life in a "bare minimum required to function well" way (like, someone that sleeps 8 hours entirely because he'll be tired otherwise. someone who puts veg in their plate so he doesn't die of scurvy but doesn't care either way aside from that) so he'd shower when he's getting sweaty but not make a habit of it

Nicky:im so sorry but she has the vibe of someone who doesn't shower as frequently as she should and is ashamed of it to me. maybe it's because depression adhd uncleanliness recognizes other uncleanlinesses. words that definitely dont exist. but sorry. i dont think im wrong though

Rio:now. as someone who's also really autistic. i struggle with keeping routines straight, but i also need them. and one thing that works well for me is basically what i call if-else chains but in my mind. like. before i go to bed, i always brush my teeth. once i got used to it i always did it, never forget it. what i'm saying is that she was taught as a kid to shower every day before bed or after waking up or whatever and now she can't break it

Rosalio:you look me in the eye and tell me he showers often. i KNOW he puts on deodorant after he sweats to cover it up but then he just smells pungently bad

Rozzi:i think she'd shower once a day after getting home or before going to bed. she isnt in a situation as precarious as isol as far as we know so i'm not accounting for it

Shoichi:i know his ass showers every day and wears loud men's perfume. this bitch definitely mastered the placement of the spritzes but acts like he doesnt put effort into it

Silvia:you look me in the eye and tell me this woman showers.

Sissela:imagining how she'd feel about hygiene makes me very sad. i get the feeling she'd hate showering

Sua:see laura's rule of thumb. none of her skins aren't babygirlified. she by nature can't smell bad. but i think she'd like that one perfume that smells like a new book

Tia:so here's the thing. it is very hard to not get your hands dirty while painting. and i myself end up being way more messy than the normal person because i Don't Care. and that makes me think she showers before going to bed because she has to make sure none of the paint is on her skin

William:he showers before going out. strikes me as the sort to sleep wearing his outside clothes

Xiukai:now. i do think he'd have good cleanliness in the kitchen. but that does not equal taking regular baths. but also he doesn't seem like he'd be UNCLEAN. so my gut feeling is baths every other day? baths every day in hot weather?

Yuki:he strikes me as someone who has a need to smell good and look good. like, two baths a day, shampoo and conditioner that smell a specific way, skin moisturizer afterwards. not in a vain way like camilo, but because he has this thing with looking perfect. which does mean. wearing charcoal masks with the girlies i just got that image and i love it

Zahir:canonically well-groomed. probably does bathe at least a good twice a day

#i saw a post mentioning a wish to do this and i dont think i did it but thats funny #black survival game #black survival #eternal return #experiment roll call

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be-with-me-so-happily · 2 years ago

Text

Chapter 2

Series Summary: Gemma is definitely Cassidy James' favourite Styles family member, considering they are best friends and all. And especially considering that Harry Styles is Gemma's smug and self-centered younger brother. Her life isn't perfect, and neither is she, but she hates how everyone thinks Harry is. Because she knows that's not the case.

Chapter Summary: As Harry's show continues, so do the flashbacks that keep bombarding Cassidy with each song.

Chapter Warnings: Some explicit language, mention of drinking, anxiety attack, Robin Twist passing away & funeral reception

[ present - Dec 2019 ]

Cassidy doesn't like to admit that Harry's songs are really good. She also doesn't like that she can't help herself from dancing to them. And what she hates even more is when Harry catches her doing it. Especially when it causes a smirk to appear on his face.

He's sung two songs already, and is now performing 'Adore You'. It's good. Too good. And it's so fun, which is why she starts to move around with Gemma as soon as the rhythmic bass of the intro begins to play.

"Walking your rainbow paradise…"

His quick glance up is the first moment he's looked at her. At least, it's the first time she has allowed direct contact, because she did not want to give him that during 'Watermelon Sugar'. She's not dumb, she knows what that song is about. And giving him her attention during that one just wasn't going to happen.

"Walk through fire for you, just let me adore you."

He looks up again, a quick glance up, a concentrated furrow in his brow under the bright lights. The thought crosses her mind that maybe he can't see her. That would be nice, considering she wouldn't be personally feeding his ego by being in attendance.

With the hope that she is hidden from Harry's view, she begins to bounce along to the song more vibrantly. It's almost unavoidable, and as much as it annoys her, she can't hold back from moving to the beat.

It's a fun song, and she may as well attempt to have some fun while she's there, considering she'd rather be anywhere else.

"Just let me adore you… oh honey!"

Again he glances up, this time forming a smirk on his lips as he notices her dancing, and performing a little imitation of her moves from the stage.

A little frustration appears from being seen dancing, but more so from the fact that she just blushed from that mild moment of attention she received, and the smile it produced from him. That frustration grows as she realizes she once again fell for the charm, even if for a second, and once again fed his ego. So her movements halt.

"Walk through fire for you… sing!" He points his mic to the crowd, and of course they obey.

"Just let me adore you!"

She rolls her eyes, keeping her lips tight as everyone else chants it out, wondering if this song is actually from his perspective or something he wants to hear from others. He knows he's adored, but he still wants to hear it.

Typical Harry.

He wants everyone to love him, and they do. He wants people to be there for him, and they are. Just like back in his One Direction days, except this is worse, because it actually is all about him. Just how he likes it. Just how he expects it.

[ flashback - Jan 2016 ]

Cassidy has no reason to be shocked by the article Roxie had placed in front of her that day at the office, two weeks ago.

She knew exactly what was going to happen on that yacht trip. Exactly. She would say she's dumb to think any different, but that wasn't even the case, because she didn't. She didn't think any other scenario would play out.

So it's baffling to her that she is sitting on her bed, still staring at the photos plastered all over social media, feeling a twinge in her heart at the sight of Kendall Jenner's body pressed down against Harry's bare chest. She's baffled by the knot forming in her stomach, as she looks over images of another girl's lips on his, remembering the moments they were soft against her own, as well as the moments they were a bit more ravenous.

She can't be upset. She has no reason to be upset. They had sex twice. Two casual hookups, with a guy she has only ever been annoyed by, do not grant her the right to feel jealous.

So she won't. She doesn't.

To her relief, her phone itself pulls her out of those thoughts with multiple vibrations. She opens up her messages and clicks on the first notification

🗨️ Gemma: hey, r u coming to harry's bday thing tonight?

She loves her best friend, but sometimes she's clueless. Granted, she doesn't know about the activities that Harry and Cassidy have partaken in, but she can only remember one birthday party of Harry's that she attended since he auditioned on X-Factor. She didn't even attend all of them during the time before that. Why would she do that now?

🗨️ Cassidy: wasn't planning on it

She closes that message, knowing full well that Gemma will potentially send her a response of protest soon, and takes the moment to open up the other new one waiting for her attention.

🗨️ Nathan: hey cassidy, i'm back in london this weekend. wanna meet up?

That one she will wait on. She had a fun time with Nathan on New Year's Eve. He was hot, charming in his own way, and made her laugh a lot that night. Granted, she was a bit drunk, trying to convince herself it was only because of the celebration and not to forget certain interactions on the other most recent holiday. But, either way, he was good company and did happen to be her kiss when the countdown ended that night. A good kiss.

She was grateful, that time, that she shared a hotel room with her friends. She told them she didn't want any drunken hookups that she could regret in the morning, clearly learning from the secret rendezvous she had with a certain someone.

So, even though emotions were high, alcohol was coursing through her veins, and hormones were raging, her friends made sure she went back to the room with them at the end of the party.

That's not to say that his question to hang out won't be answered, and it's not necessarily something she will decline, but this moment, with thoughts of Harry and a supermodel curled up on a yacht flooding her brain, it's not the time to respond.

•••

With her sweats and jumper on, an order of her favorite Chinese food delivered, and 'The Princess Bride' playing on the television, Cassidy begins to enjoy her relaxing night alone.

Her dad is out of town on a business trip, and her mum has taken a graveyard shift at the old folks home. These nights are rare for her, and she is going to take advantage of every moment of peace this situation can bring.

As she takes a bite of orange chicken, her phone begins to buzz. She pauses the movie and picks it up, seeing Gemma's name appear.

"Hey! Is the party over already?" She chuckles, mildly amused that the birthday dinner of her nemesis could have ended so quickly.

"No. It's not." She hears in a stern reply, but not from the voice of her best friend.

"Ummm… Harry?"

"Oh! You… you remember me? And… you remember it's my birthday party?"

"Yeah…" She replies, confusion filling every inch of her mind.

"So why didn't you come then?"

"I… umm… what?"

"Just thought you'd… thought you'd come."

Why would she go? Why in the world would she go? It's not as if she's been to every birthday celebration before tonight. It's not as if they are even that close, or even friends.

But the stutter of his words clues her in to the fact that while the party isn't over, it has definitely been in full swing. There's no doubt that he's had a few drinks. And as much as her instincts tell her to roll her eyes, or argue with him, she knows it's pointless to do any of that when he's drunk.

"I'm sorry, Harry."

"I just… thought you'd come." He repeats, the sadness in his tone sounding sincere enough to give her heart a little tug. Minimally. "Wanted you to come."

"I'm sorry, Harry." She repeats this time, feeling the tug a little stronger at his admission of wanting her there, even if it is an inebriated confession. "Get back to having fun, yeah?"

She picks up on a subtle sigh on the other end of the line, followed quickly by nearby shouting of his name.

"Harry, what the hell are you doing?" She hears in the background.

"Sorry! Sorry!"

"Give me my phone back!"

Cassidy chuckles, understanding that Harry has been caught by Gemma, who apparently didn't realize that he had taken her phone for this conversation.

"What the-? CJ?" Gemma chuckles in surprise at who Harry was on the phone with. She's not the only one a little shocked by the random call. "That idiot. He had asked if you were coming. I didn't think he'd become a thief and call you. Sorry 'bout that."

"It's fine." Cassidy replies, unsure how to feel about his desire and attempt to see her, or at least talk to her. "I'm guessing it's going well?"

"For him, yeah." She responds, chuckling and exhaling a sigh in the same breath. "He's getting a little wild, so I'm babysitting now."

"Oh boy."

"He's tried to take his shirt off twice already!"

She doesn't say anything for a moment, regretting not going solely for the possibility of getting another glimpse of his bare upper body.

"Shit." Gemma states. "He's slumped over some random girl. I better go."

That's something she's glad she isn't seeing, and it's part of the reason she didn't go. Not that she'd be jealous, she has no reason to be jealous, but she doesn't need to be there watching him try to charm his way into someone else's pants. It's just annoying. No, the reason is she doesn't want to be that girl. Especially with Gemma there. That just wouldn't end well.

Not that she would be that girl. Not that he'd pick her. Not again.

"Alright. Talk later." She quickly replies, hanging up as she hears her friend yell out Harry's name once more.

She sets her phone down beside her, grabbing her food container again, and taking another bite. A giggle of disbelief comes out, followed by frustration, which is always the emotion she feels related to Harry.

What is his deal? They hook up, he goes back to his popstar life, they hook up again, have a very confusing Christmas, and he has a romantic rendezvous with his famous supermodel 'friend'. But then he calls her, seemingly upset that she didn't attend his little birthday dinner?

Does he think that since now they've had sex, she will forget all the torture he put her through during their childhood? Does he think that now she is just going to fawn over him like every other girl he meets? Does he think he has some kind of hold on her, that all she wants is him?

If he does, he needs to get over himself. Doubtful that'll happen, but she's not going to give that to him. And she's not going to let this consume her night.

[ present - Dec 2019 ]

After watching and listening to Harry perform 'Falling', Cassidy is ready for another upbeat song. That one brought up too many emotions, and she knows it's not even about her. That song is about someone he really and truly cared about. Plus, there wouldn't be one about her anyway.

A fun little riff on the guitar starts to play, and there's hope this one is a bit more bouncy.

"Don't blame me for falling, I was just a little boy."

Immature. Sounds right. She knows she's being mean, even though it's only internally, but she can't seem to help it. It's been a long time, sure, and there wasn't much between them, but it still gets to her. Everything about him just gets to her.

"And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch, who can't admit when he's sorry."

Funny, and true. She's definitely thought that for a long time, and is pretty sure she may have said it to him once.

[ flashback - Jan 2016 ]

Cassidy didn't even realize she fell asleep on the couch until her mum called, saying her shift is over and she'll bring home some breakfast.

A knock on the door surprises her a little, not expecting her mum to be back so soon.

"Need help, Mum?" She shouts towards the front door, as she makes her way closer.

"Umm… no, it's… it's Harry."

She stops in her tracks, even more surprised than she was when she thought her mum had come home in record time. She looks over her outfit, knowing there's no time to change, but quickly throws her hair up in a bun before opening the door.

"Hi." He simply states, a small but shy smile already on his face.

"Hi…" She responds, her tone soaked in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

He looks around outside, potentially making sure no one was around to see, or capture through a camera, the interaction between them.

"Can we chat?"

"Sure." She opens the door to let him in, watching him walk through the doorway as she realizes she can't remember a time when he's been there. Gemma has been there a few times, but Cassidy usually refrains from having people over. So she's sure Harry's never been there. It's not the most comforting environment. Hell, she doesn't even like being there herself.

Although, this moment feels a little different. She isn't sure if it's due to the lack of presence of the drunken prick she calls her father, the relaxation she was able to have the night before, or Harry's sudden presence, but she feels more peaceful than she thought she would while having him step inside her home.

"So, what's up?" She mumbles, walking behind him into the living room.

He stops and swivels around, a subtle furrow displayed between his brows.

"I didn't mean to call you last night. That was stupid. I was drunk." He states with an unreadable tone to his words.

"Oh. Right, I figured." She gives him a smile, reassuring him that his actions were fine and attempting to break the awkward tension she is suddenly feeling. "No problem."

"But… umm… why didn't you come?"

"What? To your dinner?" She asks, taken aback by the fact that despite his unintentional call, he was still questioning her lack of attendance.

He simply nods.

"I didn't realize you wanted me there."

"I invited you." His arms cross over his chest, and the awkward tension builds. So much for there being peace in the home. But that's the true nature of that house. That's its default setting.

"I've never gone to one of your birthday parties. Wasn't a big deal before." She chuckles. "I didn't think this year was any different."

"F'course it's different!" He instantly retorted.

"Why, because we fucked twice?" The words spilled out, unintentionally harsh. Unintentionally spoken in the first place. She regrets it, but it's also a fair response, and she feels justified for the questions swirling through her head the night before, because he clearly does think she'll forget the past, that she'll fawn over him, that he has some sort of hold on her. But his wide-eyed reaction produces a bit of guilt to begin to creep in.

"Well, sort of-... not just-... no, because we're friends."

"Friends?" She begins to laugh. His statements are getting more ridiculous by the minute. "Harry, we've never been friends."

"Harsh."

"But true." She quickly adds. "I'm Gemma's friend. All we've done is… is pester each other. Our whole childhood."

"Again, harsh. I was just a boy. I figured you'd see me in a different light at this point…" He mutters, clearly his throat as he runs his fingers through his annoyingly perfect locks. "So, we hook up and nothing's changed for you? That's fucking rubbish."

"Are you bloody joking? Have things changed for you?"

"Yes."

"What then? What's changed for you?"

"I…" He brings his pointer finger and thumb to his bottom lip, beginning to mindlessly pull on it as his brow furrows again. There's anger apparent on his face. "I like talking to you. I like hanging out with you."

"Okay…"

"I like kissing you. Your lips." He states, and her breath hitches as he takes long strides towards her. His penetrating gaze, accompanied with his sultry scent, sends shivers down her spine and a blush to her cheeks. "Sort of miss them, if I'm honest..."

But the good feelings are then also accompanied by irritation. She cannot let him have a hold on her. She cannot keep reacting this way just because he is close. She cannot fall for his charm, or his wit, because it's just a game to him. It's just a trick to get her to cave to him. She cannot be yet another girl he can use when he needs to and forget when he doesn't. He's already done that to her.

"Is that why I haven't heard from you since Christmas?"

"I was away-"

"Right, on the yacht. And is that why you were kissing Kendall Jenner? Because you 'missed my lips'…?"

He goes silent and his body stiffens. She can just make out how his breathing becomes a degree more shallow than before, seeing his nostrils flare slightly with each exhale.

"That's not fair." He mumbles, and his gaze drops to the floor. "You went out with that Nathan guy…"

"I went to a party."

"You can't really blame me for thinking it was more. He wanted to see you again, after he was basically eye-fucking you at that after party."

"So what if he was?"

The entire conversation has escalated so quickly, that Cassidy is almost having a hard time catching her breath. Her mind is racing so fast that it can't even begin to process what's happening, what they're talking about, what he means behind everything he says, because at this point it has gone beyond confusing.

"I just didn't like it."

"Didn't like the competition?"

"He wasn't competition." He replies so smugly, even without his usual dimpled smirk.

"God you're cocky." She scoffs, his aggravating ego reappearing effortlessly as it always does. "I could've left with him, you know."

"But you didn't!" He raises his voice, his jaw clenching as his eyes burn into hers, causing her to take a step back. "You left with me! You had sex with me!"

"I was drunk." She mumbles back. It was the alcohol, she still blames the alcohol.

"You weren't drunk the second time, Cass. You can't tell me you didn't want it the second time."

"You arrogant son of a bitch! This is so fucking stupid. What are we even arguing about? Yeah, we had sex. That was all. It's not like we are gonna be more… like we want to be more…"

His entire body straightens up and he steps back. His jaw drops open but he immediately closes it. They stand there in silence, except for a few panted breaths from each of them.

"You're right." He clears his throat, dropping his gaze downward. "This is stupid."

More silence. Her body begins to ready itself for fight or flight mode again, she can feel it coming on, and her breathing becomes even more shallow. She tries to take a deep breath, desperately hoping she doesn't have a panic attack, in front of him, yet again.

His eyes shoot up to hers, and that unfamiliar concern he showed the last time appears again in his expression. That is the exact opposite of what she wants right now, so she draws in a breath that finally, and thankfully, starts to calm her down.

"Can we… can we at least hang out?" Harry asks, his tone even, most likely not wanting to trigger anything for her.

"Why do you even want to be friends?"

"Why don't you want to? What's your reason?"

Because it's complicated. Because she's confused. Because being friends won't help to clear those things up for her. Because she's afraid she can't keep composed around him anymore and that's dangerous, because he's her best friend's brother. Because he's Harry Styles.

"We've never been friends. We've never hung out. I just don't see the point in starting now."

"Stop being so stubborn, CJ!"

"Don't call me that."

"Stubborn? But you are!"

"No. Don't call me 'CJ' again. We aren't friends."

"Bloody hell, you're so fucking infuriating! Fine. We aren't friends. We aren't anything." He pinches the bridge of his nose, shaking his head, and begins to make his way to the front door. "I'm almost starting to regret what we did. You should've just hooked up with that Nathan guy. Would've saved me… us… all this… trouble."

"I definitely regret it." She immediately replies, not entirely sure why she said it, because she's not entirely sure it's the truth. As complex as it has made things, she can't deny that it was good. That it was exciting. That it was potentially the best she's had. "I… I mean-"

"Don't. I know you mean it." His eyes narrow and the glare sends a sharp shiver down her spine. That look, more than any other, is not one she has seen from him. Not ever. Not directed at her. "You're stubborn and I'm exhausted. This is it, yeah? Won't have to see me again."

"Good. Get out." She states sternly.

He turns to the door and grabs the handle, letting out what sounds to be a disappointed sigh, and tilting his head down to the ground.

Cassidy opens her mouth to tell him to leave again, but is stopped as he swiftly turns around, grabbing her face and pressing his lips firmly against hers. There's no movement, just him against her, and she opens her eyes to see his squeezed shut. Her hands softly grip onto his Rolling Stones t-shirt, intending on separating them, and a subtle, sad whimper is drawn out from him. He pushes her back just as quickly as he had pulled her in, and takes less than a second to stare into her eyes before swinging the door open and slamming it shut.

She stands there, frozen in place, only able to pick out a single thought, or question, that's whirling around in her mind.

What just happened?

What the hell just happened?

She doesn't even have time to process anything, as the door slowly opens back up. Her chest tightens and her breath hitches, but she's met with the tired, yet cheerful face of her mum.

"Hello, darling!" She greets her daughter. "Was that Harry I saw driving away?"

Cassidy's throat becomes dry and she tries to swallow the lump that's wedged itself there.

"Y-yes. It was."

"He's such a sweet boy." Her mum replies, walking past and placing bags of food on the kitchen counter.

But Cassidy continues to stare at the front door.

"I always thought he was keen on you." Her mum adds, fully snapping Cassidy out of her bewildered trance. "And maybe you were keen on him, too."

"Absolutely not!" She replies. Anger begins to boil up inside, and truthfully she isn't even sure why. She still hasn't had time to dissect whatever it was that just occured between the two of them. But, at this moment, she also doesn't want to. She wants something to distract herself. She opens her phone to her messages.

🗨️ Cassidy: i'm free tonight…

She inhales quickly, not really sure what she's doing, and not wanting to acknowledge that she knows it isn't great, but not really wanting to pause and think about it. She holds her breath as her phone buzzes back.

🗨️ Nathan: pick u up at 7?

🗨️ Cassidy: perfect, it's a date

[ present - Dec 2019 ]

Cassidy is beginning to think she should have listened to the entire 'Fine Line' album, not solely so she could sing and dance more at this show, but also so she can know what to expect next. She only knows three of the songs well enough, and each one was released as a single.

Harry stands in front of the microphone again, squeezing his eyes shut as he begins to strum on his guitar.

She instantly knows it'll be an emotional song. As if this night and all the memories it's bringing back isn't enough, these types of songs seem to be getting to her tonight.

"Put a price on emotion, I'm looking for something to buy." He begins, almost causing her to growl as the lyrics seem to be the complete opposite of what she's feeling. It's saying he wants some, and right now she has too much. Ironic.

Already, the corners of her eyes become moist and she wipes it away before tears can fully form. But being there, seeing him, hearing the songs, is all overwhelming. The song itself is sentimental, but something about it is really digging into her soul.

"We'll be a fine line…"

Just like the song from earlier, she knows that this will mean so much to so many people, and in so many different ways. And it's true for her too. Not just for one specific reason, but for a few.

As that one-line chorus continues, she does what she can to not dwell on it each time it's sung.

"Spreading you open is the only way of knowing you…"

Wait a second. Obviously Cassidy hates arrogance more than anything, and she never wants to make something out of nothing, but those lyrics sound familiar. Like something she's heard before. No, like something that's been said between them before.

Coincidence, right? It's just a coincidence. Common phrases, common experiences. Admittedly, he's good at making every one of his songs feel personal to whomever is listening and that's what has happened here. That's all it is.

"We'll be a fine line…"

He looks up that time, but she knows it couldn't have been to her. He was just glancing up to see his fans, even though the section she is in is only for family and friends. But that's what it is, he's looking for those people. Family and friends. Like Gemma. Whose arm she feels begin to wrap around her own waist and sway them both along to the rhythm of his guitar.

That single line chorus continues as she manages to get her breathing to do as well. Continue. That is, until he pulls away, strumming his guitar for a few chords, and just as he brings his mouth back to the mic, he shoots a quick glance up to her. Unmistakably to her.

"We'll be alright…"

Nope. No she won't.

[ flashback - June 2017 ]

Despite it being Summer, overcast skies perfectly mirror the tone of the day. Not Robin's personality, because he was always such a bright presence to be around, but definitely the feeling of what his passing means to everyone else.

As harsh as it may sound, she assumed she'd be attending the funeral of the other father figure in her life, not that he was much of one though. Her own father was a much more likely candidate for a day like this. Though she actually isn't convinced she'd even attend his.

But today is not about anything except remembering Robin, and being there for Gemma and Anne.

And Harry, she supposes. Though, that will be from a distance if she can help it. It's been over a year since they've seen each other, and so much has happened during that time. She's moved on, not that there was much to move on from to begin with, and has been immersed in her busy life just as he has with his own. However, there's a lingering twinge of something, and she wants to be careful.

"Does anyone need anything?" She asks the family as they stand around in the backyard, occasionally mingling with those who were in attendance at the memorial.

"No thank you, sweetheart." Anne replies, giving a small smile as she squeezes Cassidy's hand. "Do you?"

Her question tightens Cassidy's chest. Not because she does need something, but because Anne never fails to make her feel looked after. And loved. And Robin was the same way.

She shakes her head, quickly wiping a few tears that threaten to fall, and clears her throat. "No, no. I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me… focus on your family."

"CJ…" Anne grabs her shoulders and looks at her with such a motherly love. "You are a part of our family. You always have been. And Robin loved you, sweetheart."

Cassidy pulls her lips inward, dropping her gaze to the floor as she picks at her nails.

"Maybe more than he loved Harry." She chuckles, and their eyes meet again as they both smile, almost in acknowledgement that the joke was potentially one that Robin would make himself. "Speaking of… have you seen him 'round?"

"No." She replies, feeling slightly guilty that she has been avoiding him, but guilty solely for the reason that his mother is asking about his whereabouts. "Do you… want me to look for him?"

She does everything in her power not to show the sudden tension in her body as she awaits an answer.

"No. I'm sure he's charming the hell out of some family member or something."

Or the pants off some girl.

Cassidy feels even more guilty for that thought. She needs to set herself straight.

"Well, I'm going 'round to get some water for myself. If I see him, I'll send him your way." She smiles, giving Anne another hug, which she reminds herself is the main task of the day.

The kitchen is empty, much to her relief, so she gets herself a glass of water and slowly sips on the contents. The quiet is nice, and welcome.

Footsteps get closer and she sighs at only having a short period of time to herself, but is grateful to see her best friend's face when she comes around the corner.

"Hey Gem." She mutters, almost to not disturb the only stress-free place in the house. Maybe not stress-free, but tranquil. No, not tranquil either, but sedated. That's it, sedated.

"Hey. Want something a little stronger?" She asks, pointing to the wine rack, making Cassidy giggle with a nod of her head.

"But only a little. I'm gonna have to leave within the hour to make it back before dinner."

"Right." Her best friend states, leaving a quietness around them.

"It…" Cassidy sighs, not wanting to cause Gemma or herself any heartache by bringing up memories. "Never mind."

Gemma looks up after pouring two glasses of wine, handing one over.

"You can tell me…"

"It feels weird to be in this house now." She replies, wincing at her confession.

"Well, yeah, the last time you were here was when you were-"

"I meant because Robin's… he's not here anymore." Tears begin to fill both of their eyes and Gemma wraps one arm around Cassidy's waist. Their temples lean against each other as they simply stare down at the kitchen counter, down to one of his favourite foods, only the sound of sniffles filling the room.

"I still can't believe they let me stay here for four months. Especially with my situation." She shakes her head, remembering the day she showed up to their house with bags in hand and her heart shattered.

"Your 'situation' was exactly why they let you live here, CJ!" Gemma squeezes her tighter then releases her, grabbing her glass and taking a gulp. "You're like my sister! They've always loved you. We all have."

All Cassidy can do is sigh, and attempt to hold back the flood of tears wanting to stream out, which isn't exactly working well for her.

"They were more than happy to do it." Gemma adds. She kisses her on the cheek and takes her wine glass, walking out to mingle with the other guests, leaving Cassidy alone in her thoughts.

Anne and Robin helped her more than they may ever have known. What Anne says rings in her ears. She is family. Even if Robin wasn't her actual father, he still was one to her. A better one than the one she has. And now she's lost someone from that family. She's lost him.

So much has changed since last year. Actually, everything has changed since last year. And even though she feels somewhat steadier in her life now, the Styles family, for the most part, has always been the stability in her life that she was missing from her own family. Truly, everything has changed since last year.

With the last sips of wine gone, she places her glass on the counter and decides she needs some air. Hopefully it'll clear her mind and take away the dizziness that's suddenly appeared, unrelated to the beverage she just consumed.

She begins to make her way through the house again, nodding politely at those who give her a few kind words. She feels a bit awkward accepting them, since Robin wasn't her actual dad. Yes, he was the closest thing to one that she had, considering her own couldn't care less about her, but her grief feels almost selfish. Yet, with each acknowledgement from a guest, another tear begins to form. She continues maneuvering around everyone, feeling her lungs beg to catch a full breath, as she makes it out to the backyard. Instantly, the noise and sheer presence of so many people has her head spinning, and she knows that she has to find some refuge. Fast.

Shuffling her way against the outside of the house, she walks around to the side, thankful to see that no one is lingering nearby. She takes as many steps as she can manage before pressing her back against the wall and sliding her body down.

Her knees position themselves against her chest, and her arms wrap around them in an attempt to hold herself together. She leans her head backwards and closes her eyes as she attempts to steady her breathing.

"Inhale for ten." She mumbles while she inhales as deeply as she can, which isn't much at this point. "Exhale for ten."

She growls with frustration at her failed attempt to calm herself, which only makes her breathing even faster and more shallow.

"Keep going." She hears close by, and looks over to see Harry kneeling down next to her. "Inhale for ten…"

She would potentially be annoyed that he was there, if she didn't need the help to calm down, and he helps her to regulate her breathing. She's a little surprised it's working considering who it is that's helping her.

"Breathe, Cass. You've got this." He encourages, and she responds with a nod. As odd as it is, he is making her feel a bit more at peace, or at least a bit more physically stable. She sees a subtle smile on his face as she exhales a steadier breath. "There you go."

Cassidy looks at him more directly, seeing that same concern in his eyes, it melting away with every normal breath she takes.

"Better?" He asks softly.

"Better."

"Good. It's a bit overwhelming here, yeah?" He chuckles, looking down at the ground with a shake of his head.

"Yeah." She mutters back, feeling stable, but less at peace, as she fully registers his presence beside her. But she can handle it. It's been long enough. "Thank you… for your help…"

"No problem." He mumbles, imitating her position against the wall.

They sit in silence, both looking out ahead of them, the only noise being the crowds around the corner who are actually engaging in conversation with each other.

She decides that she is steady enough to rejoin everyone, and rubs her legs before placing them on the ground with the intention of pushing herself up.

"How've you been?" Harry asks, stopping her movements as her eyes move over to meet his. That's when she gets a good look at him. A good look at how good he looks.

"Your hair is shorter." She blurts, closing her eyes and scrunching her nose at her inability to keep her thoughts to herself.

He chuckles and runs his fingers through the curls she was just admiring.

"Been like this for 'bout a year now." He responds, bringing his lips inward to hide a smile. Failing. "You didn't know?"

"No." She lies. She knew. It's hard not to hear or see stories and photos about one of the world's most popular megastars. But is she going to give him that satisfaction? No. There was only that one time, on Christmas, when she gave him a compliment like that, and that was too much.

"Hm."

Her gaze drops down as she circles a finger around the top of her knee.

"You didn't answer my question." He adds, causing her to quickly turn back to the man beside her. "How've you been?"

"It's not really the best time to ask, is it? I've been better."

"You know that's not what I mean, Cass."

She sighs. She knows. Although the emotions of today sort of cloud everything else at the moment. But, also, maybe she's using that as an excuse to not share any details of her life. Not only are there so many, but she isn't sure if it's his business to know. If he deserves to know.

"It's been good. Busy."

That should be enough to ease his curiosity.

"Work? Family?"

Apparently that wasn't enough. Nosey bastard.

"Both, yeah." She simply states, trying not to let the growing annoyance overcome her to the point of lashing out. Definitely not today, definitely not there.

"Still at POPSUGAR then?" He inquires, suddenly and subtle scooting a smidge closer towards her.

"Yeah."

"Wow. Riveting."

There it is. The frustration. He sure knows how to push her buttons and bring it out in her. Easily.

"Why is my life such a pressing matter to you?"

"What? We can't have casual conversation?" He rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

"I just don't want to talk about things right now."

His brow furrows, and his lips press firmly together as he takes a deep breath. He turns his body towards hers and his gaze pierces into the side of her head.

"You never want to talk about things, Cass. Apparently not even cordially now. The only time we've ever had a real, normal conversation is that morning after I stayed in your hotel ro-"

"Knock it off, Harry."

"Was having sex the only way I could get to know you?" He growls, in such a deep tone that if this conversation did not have an argumentative context, it would be a major turn on for her.

"I said knock it off!" She immediately stands up, unfortunately seeing Harry do the same. She crosses her arms over her chest and glares.

"All I've tried to do is be in your life... like, be your friend… but, fuck, it's so difficult that I…" He sighs, jostling his hair around and letting fall back into its perfect position, as it always seems to do. Then he looks up at her with a glare. "I almost wish we never met. That you never met Gemma."

As much as he has tormented and teased her, she never thought those words would come out of his mouth. She never thought he actually felt that way about her.

Anger boils over. She feels as if he has no right or reason to be that upset about anything that's happened between them. And if he does, then he didn't have to talk to her, he didn't have to help her, hell, he didn't have to have sex with her.

"I shouldn't have said-"

"But you did." She sighs, her eyes darting behind him, hoping to see a clear path to escape back to the house, which she finds. "Look, we are what we are. Childhood… acquaintances… or whatever. Having sex crossed the line, apparently a very fine line, and now it's made things weird. It was… a mistake… but now we just need to move past it."

"Childhood cquaintances?"

"Harry… come on-"

"No, you 'come on', Cassidy! I'm trying to keep my cool, but you're really testing my patience, because this is so stupid. I don't know why we can't be t-... friends, maybe I'll never know. But… but…" He growls as he stutters and she notices his jaw clenching along with his fist. He takes a deep breath and frowns. "I don't want to fight you on this anymore. I give up. I fold. We both have our own busy lives. So, we'll just go our separate ways and we'll be alright, yeah?"

"Our paths don't even cross anymore. So, yeah, we'll be alright." She responds, a little sarcasm and snark added in there to bite back at him.

She begins to walk around Harry, her heart tight and her head becoming dizzy yet again. But this time it's from emotions.

"I want us to be alright." She hears him whisper, realizing he must have thought she was out of earshot. Then she feels the panic threaten to reappear and quickens the pace of her feet. But as she rounds the corner, she slows down. Despite the words, the confusion, the frustration, she realizes there's also a caring quality she hasn't really thought about with him.

She wants them to be alright too. But they're not. And they are not going to be.

[ present - Dec 2019 ]

'Fine Line' becomes melodic, which signals that it's coming to an end, and Harry blows kisses to the crowd. He looks up to the section where she stands with Gemma and salutes the occupants, making sure to blow a few extra kisses to his sister.

"I need to get going." Cassidy states, her heart beating rapidly.

"Oh, this isn't actually the end. There's an encore." Gemma replies with a smile, leaning in closer in her ear. "He's got some surprises. He's singing 'Juice' by Lizzo."

"Damn it. I love that song. But I do have to go." She replies. "Tomorrow's the last day before the holiday break…"

"Right." Gemma nods and gives her a big hug. She pulls back and looks straight into Cassidy's eyes with a caring yet pleading look. "Are you coming over on Christmas this year?"

"Ummm…" Her eyes quickly flicker over to the stage, no one there to meet her gaze. She hasn't been over to the Styles' house for Christmas since that weird night a few years back. So much has changed since then. Too much to spend time there again, especially a holiday. "I don't know. Probably not, to be honest."

"Okay. I have presents, but I can bring them over another time if someone's okay with waiting…"

Cassidy lets out a little chuckle. Waiting will give her another chance to hang out with her best friend, and a way to avoid any unwanted run-ins with certain others.

"We can wait."

•••

She was expecting to feel a few things last night at Harry's show, she was expecting her boss to assign some sort of piece to write once she found out she had been there, and she was expecting to be quite tired in the morning.

But what Cassidy wasn't expecting was to hear a knock at the front door as she gathers everything to head out of it.

"Shit." She quietly mumbles under her breath, setting down the bags she just had on her shoulders.

She walks over and swings open the door, only to have the wind knocked out of her.

"Harry!" She breathes out. "Ummm… h-hi! What's… what's up?"

He smiles that obnoxious grin, and she realizes it still, after all these years, causes a little tingle in her stomach.

"Hello." He runs his hand through his soft, curly locks. She's able to get a better, closer look at them now. His hair is definitely longer than the previous time she saw him, over two years ago. He's dressed in a hoodie, under a coat, and some sweatpants. A typical and appropriate 'day after a show' outfit for Harry. "I didn't get a chance to say hello, or goodbye, last night."

"Yeah, sorry." She replies, still in shock that he is even standing there, let alone that he had wanted to see and interact with her the night before. "I had to leave early."

"Well, I just… wanted to say thank you for coming."

"Oh." She manages to respond, that inconvenient flustering instantly coming back to her. "You didn't have to come all this way to thank me though."

"Felt better to do it in person." He shrugs, his hands shoved in his pockets, like she's seen him do before, and his gaze occasionally dropping to his feet.

"That's… really nice, Harry. And it was a great show." She admits, giving him a simple smile and receiving one back from him.

A tugging on her coat interrupts the conversation, and Cassidy realizes that in her stunned state, she has forgotten what she was doing, and where she is going.

"M'ready!"

Both Cassidy and Harry's gazes drop down to the toddler standing right beside her.

"I'm sorry, honey. I was just talking to-"

"Hello!" Harry states, crouching down to the eye level of the little girl and putting his hand out to shake hers. "I'm Harry. What's your name?"

"Cece!" She exclaims, a wide grin beaming across her face, and placing her hand into his.

"It's nice to meet you, Cece."

"Y'know Mummy?" She asks, looking between the two adults. Harry looks up to Cassidy, with a mixture of surprise and amusement in his expression, and her chest tightens.

"I do! We are fr-... we've known each other for a very long time."

"Wow!" She replies. "Wanna see Matilda?"

"Who's Matilda?"

"Matilda!" She shouts enthusiastically, running through to the next room and leaving his question unanswered. He lets out a chuckle and stands back up to be face to face with Cassidy.

"Cecelia, we don't have-" She yells back into the house, realizing her attempt to catch her daughter's attention and stop her mission will only fail.

"You're a mum?" Harry asks softly, attracting her gaze again.

"Yeah." She quietly replies.

He crosses one arm around his chest and tugs on his lower lip.

"H-how old is she?"

"She's three." She answers, her heart racing, knowing what he's doing as he stays silent and his brow furrows. He's calculating. "She's… she's not yours."

"Oh." He clears his throat, folding his other arm around his torso and bringing his beautiful green eyes up to meet hers. "F'course."

"I would've told you… if she was."

"Hm." He hums back. "Right, well, I… umm… I will let you get back to things. I just… wanted to thank you for coming last night."

He gives her a small smile, putting his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie, and turning around. He takes a few small steps and something inside Cassidy screams at her to stop him. Why? She has no idea. But she seems to have lost control of herself.

"Harry, wait."

What does she even want to say? She wasn't planning on calling out to him, and now she seems to have lost her logic as he turns around to face her.

"I… umm… it's good to see you." She blurts out.

"You too." He mumbles back.

"Mr. Harry!" Cecilia yells, jogging her little feet to the front door, and stopping there with a sad little pout. "I didn't find Matilda. You didn't meet 'er!"

"That's alright, love." He replies gently, taking a step back towards her, and giving her a big smile. "It was very nice to meet you though!"

"Maybe t'morrow." She responds.

"Oh, umm…"

"Mummy makes peeps on Sat'days!"

"Crepes, honey." Cassidy corrects her. She looks up from her daughter's beaming face to see Harry's wide and expectant expression. "We make crepes on Saturdays."

"Right. Your mummy loves crepes." He tells Cecelia.

"Me too! Me too!" Her daughter bounces up and down. "Mummy, please?"

"Oh. Umm…" Cassidy darts her eyes between her daughter and the man in front of them, unsure how to make the interaction and conversation any less awkward. Cecelia's eyes are so hopeful, and Harry seems to be expressing almost the same emotion. It's almost too much to bear with them unknowingly teaming up.

As her gaze lands and focuses on Harry, she realizes he is staring down at Cecelia with a wide grin, seemingly adoring, and it tugs on her heart so much that she can't hold herself back.

"If he isn't busy…"

His eyes shoot up to her with the most shocked look. The grin he displayed moments ago quickly reappears and he nods.

"I'd love to."

"Yay!" Cecelia squeals. She grabs her little backpack from where her mum had set it down, along with her favourite stuffed animal of the day, and grabs Cassidy's hand. "Okay, Mummy, le's go!"

"Alright, alright." She chuckles. "Grab your water bottle first, yeah?"

She nods, and runs off again, causing Cassidy to shake her head with another chuckle at her daughter's carefree demeanor.

"I don't have to come over. You can tell her I had to work or something." Harry states bluntly, no tension, yet also no confidence, in his tone.

Now it's her turn for a shocked look. She didn't expect any of this to be happening, but for some reason she also didn't expect him to give her an out.

"No, Harry. You're welcome to come."

He pulls his lips inward, like she's seen him do many times before, as he tries to cover up a smile.

"What time should I come by?"

Suddenly, her heart flutters. There it is again. She's charmed for a moment. Her instinct tells her to guard herself, to rescind the offer, and tell him it's best not to come. But she doesn't want to do that to him. No, she doesn't want to do that to her daughter. Her daughter. That's all.

"How about 8am?"

He nods quickly as little trodding of feet can be heard getting closer.

"Sounds great." He bends down. "I'll see you tomorrow morning Cece!"

•••

Cassidy does what she can to keep herself busy, but can't seem to shake the anxiety taking over her as she waits for Harry to arrive. The entire rest of the day before she was in a daze. She couldn't fully focus on her video meeting with the other writers, she barely got any of that work done, and she burned the spaghetti she was making for dinner. Though, Cecelia was more than happy to have chicken nuggets as an alternative.

But this morning it's all clear, and she can fully comprehend what is about to take place. Harry would be there soon. The man who frustrated and annoyed her beyond belief. The man who charmed her then made her out to be a fool. The man who was so persistent on making things way more awkward and complicated than they already were, that man would be there soon. Harry would be in her house. That sacred place she shares with her daughter. He would be there.

"Mummy! The door!" Cecelia yells, snapping her out of all those chaotic thoughts. She walks to the door and opens it up, finding Harry standing there with coffees in hand and a hot chocolate for Cecelia.

"Good morning." He holds up the goodies in his hands. "Hope this is alright…"

"It's… yeah… it's great. Thank you." She steps aside to let him in, her heartbeat thumping in her ears as he steps inside. She leads him to the kitchen where he sets down the drinks.

"She can have hot chocolate, right? I should've asked first, somehow."

"Harry!" Cecelia exclaims as she rushes to his side.

"Hello again." He chuckles, squatting down to her eye level. "How are you?"

"Wanna see Matilda?"

"Now, tell me, who is Matilda?" He asks.

"Our kitty!" She replies.

He looks up at Cassidy as he stands.

"I didn't think you liked cats…" He states, almost inquisitively.

"I liked your mum's cat. I got Matilda after I moved out…" She quickly clears her throat. "...of my parents' house."

He nods and gets pulled by Cecelia down the hallway, giving Cassidy a moment to release the deep breath she didn't know she was holding in.

She turns to her cookware and ingredients, beginning to make the weekend breakfast she is so accustomed to making for two of the three people currently inside her home.

Thankfully, her process is speedy and the crepes are ready within minutes, accompanied with an array of toppings placed along the counter.

"Umm… food is ready…" She states, hearing Harry and Cecelia make their way back to the kitchen.

"...an' I had a brown bunny, but I los' it." She hears her daughter sadly state, seeing her head down as she still holds onto Harry's hand with her little fingers.

"That's terrible." He replies, looking at her with as much compassion as he did when he saw Cassidy in her panicked state, long ago.

"Yeah." She replies, looking up at the counter and licking her lips. "Peeps!"

He chuckles at her sudden turnaround, and squeezes her hand before grabbing a plate.

"Here Cece, take this plate and sit on your chair, please." Cassidy says, motioning her daughter over to the small kitchen table, usually only hosting the two of them.

"I think I met all of her stuffed animals today." Harry states as he places a crepe on his own plate.

"She's…" Cassidy begins, not exactly knowing how to describe her daughter, especially to him.

"She's… adorable." Harry finishes for her, giving her a quick glance and a subtle smile before making his way to the table.

Cassidy takes a moment longer to grab her own food, taking peeks at the two at the table, who anyone would think have known each other for all three of Cecelia's years of life. She is talking his ear off and he is giving her as much attention, if not more, as he gives anyone else he is in conversation with. Admittedly, one of his good qualities, maybe his only one.

•••

Through all the surprisingly casual conversations, a few sessions of Cecelia persuading Harry to color with her, and a cup of tea, she doesn't realize how long Harry's been there until she sees Cecelia yawn and looks at the clock.

"Oh! Cece, it's naptime, honey." She states, hurriedly standing up from the sofa they had made their way to.

"Mummy, no… I don' need a nap…" Cecelia drags out, though the rubbing of her eyes betrays her statement.

"I think you do." Cassidy smiles.

"I wanna stay up!" She argues, looking sleepily towards Harry, as if trying to convince him to be on her side.

"Naps are great! Might need to take one myself when I get home." He smiles at her, pushing himself off the couch to encourage her to do the same. "But I had loads of fun today! Thank you for inviting me!"

"Y'welcome."

He kneels down to shake her hand, but she throws herself, with outstretched arms, into his chest and he instantly wraps his own around her.

She pulls away and reaches for her mum's hand, giving Harry a little wave.

"Buh-bye Harry." She mumbles.

"Goodbye Cece." He replies.

"I'll… umm… I'll just be a few minutes. Sorry." Cassidy states before walking down the hallway.

"No problem."

•••

After quite a few questions from Cecelia, typical toddler stuff, and an attempted negotiation to avoid naptime, she finally falls asleep and Cassidy is free to leave her bedroom.

She walks back to the sofa to see Harry typing on his phone.

"Sorry about that." She expresses, suddenly very aware that it is just the two of them in the room, the atmosphere a lot less giggly and a lot more awkward. At least on her part.

"You don't have to apologize for taking care of your daughter." He reassures her.

"Thank you… for entertaining her. She's definitely a little fireball, that one."

"Just like her mum." Harry quietly chuckles, a tiny smirk slyly appearing on one side of his mouth, with a dimple just barely popping through.

"What?" Cassidy's mouth drops open in faux offense and disbelief.

"Hm. Okay. I would think Cece would be the one who plays pretend…" His smirk deepens and Cassidy finds herself becoming heated with a blush in her cheeks.

A silence falls between them, standing several feet apart, both fidgeting with the fingernails.

"Well, I-" They both state, letting out short laughs at the simultaneous statement.

"I… have to get going. Jeff, my manager, just called me. Gotta get this meeting in before the holidays." Harry states, crossing his arms over his chest. To her, he almost looks as if he's holding himself back from leaving.

"Oh. Right! Of course you're busy." Of course he is, he's Harry Styles. The one she didn't want to complicate things with those few years ago. The one who can, and probably still does, have any girl, anywhere, anytime. The one who said he wished she and Gemma never met, so that he could avoid the uncomfortable situation they had found themselves in.

Why did she let him come over? How did he manage to charm his way into her home and completely change her attitude towards him from the night before?

"But thank you, so much, for… inviting me over. And the crepes. I had a nice time with you. You two. Like, you and Cece." He huffs, running his ringed fingers through his hair.

She allowed herself the slightest moment to acknowledge how cute he looks, how annoyingly cute and sexy he looks at the same time. Things work out too well in his favor and it's really unfair. She hates it. There's a few reasons she does.

"Thank you. For coming over. Cece had a great time." She replies, feeling a lump form in her throat.

"Oh." He sighs, suddenly and slowly moving his way to the front door. "I'm glad."

She follows Harry to the door, her mind racing and feeling her emotions being ripped in two different directions. Everything she has felt towards him so far, with the exception of those two sinfully delicious nights, has been of a negative connotation. All the way up and through the show last night. But this time spent together this morning, watching him be sweet with her daughter, has her feeling so unsure. Of anything. Well, she can be certain that she hates uncertainty. Maybe a little more than she hates Harry. Hated Harry?

"Harry." She finds herself blurting out, right as his hand grasps the door handle, and his head twists to look in her direction. "Ummm… would you… be willing to do, like, one more little interview before the holidays?"

"What?" He asks, his full body turning towards her now. This time, they aren't too far apart, and she can pick up the distinct scent of his cologne. It's still the same. Dark and sultry.

"I know it's a lot to ask…" She mumbles, suddenly feeling a flash of heat come over her, and sweat threatening to run down her neck as she feels the faintest touch of his breath graze her face. "But… my boss knows I went to your show, and wants me to write about it. Well, I just thought maybe-"

"You could get a couple of quotes in?" He finishes her sentence.

She winces, embarrassment flooding over her, not only because she just asked Harry for an interview, but also because she just asked him to help her with her job. Not that she needs the help. So why did she just ask? Nevertheless, it's awkward and rude and he will reject it.

"Sure." He agrees, shocking her to the point of forgetting how to move. She exhales with no sign of an inhale following. Her eyes grow wide and refuse to blink. Her jaw drops open and remains slack as she just stares.

"What?" He chuckles.

Finally some function returns to her and everything resets to normal. She blinks to clear the daze she was in and shakes her head.

"I didn't think you'd agree to it."

"Why not? There's not much I wouldn't do for-... a friend-... well, a childhood acquaintance, I s'pose."

"Right. Yeah. That would be great." She replies, the haziness of surprise still looming over her. "Here. Enter your number and we can coordinate something."

She hands him her phone and her heart stops when he doesn't immediately take it, but rather stares at it instead.

"Oh, shit." She exclaims, slightly dropping her arm down, device still in hand. "You probably don't want your personal phone number out there in the world, with some random journalist-"

"Give it." He states, reaching out to grab the phone from her, and adding his contact information. "You're not someone random, Cass. And you're not just some journalist."

He hands the phone back and meets her gaze. His own expression is one of stern sincerity, which utterly throws her off.

"I sent a text to myself so I have yours, just so I know you're not 'some random journalist'. Hope that's alright." He smirks, his usual, deeply indented, dimpled smirk.

"Yes." She nods. He returns the gesture and opens the door.

"I'll talk to you soon then." He smiles, lingering for a moment longer than necessary, and she swears his eyes flicker down to her lips in the swiftest of motions. "Bye, Cass."

"Bye, Harry." She replies. As he walks away, she closes the door and frowns in confusion. From herself.

Why did she ask to do that? She didn't need an interview with him. Granted, yes, it'll make her article that much more impressive but she would have done a good job on it either way. It's not as if it would be lacking. And why did she get so flustered? Better yet, why did she let him get her that way, again, even after all this time? It's like some magical hypnotizing power that he has. She never wanted to think, or admit, it was there and that it would work on her but it has. And clearly still does.

She needs boundaries. She can't be that girl, definitely not now, definitely not since she has Cece. She needs boundaries. It's all professional. She can get the quotes, write the article, then he will fly off to his next big adventure and her life can go back to normal.

No hookups. No feelings. No complications.

Her phone vibrates in her hand and she opens up her messages when she sees the notification.

🗨️ Harry: good xx

She frowns in confusion at his text, not understanding what he might be responding to until she reads the message he sent to himself from her phone: 'I had a nice time too'

🗨️ Cassidy: you twerp

She rolls her eyes and smiles to herself, immediately letting her thumbs take over.

🗨️ Cassidy: fine… i did. i had a nice time too

If you like what I post, and want to just send some extra support, I have a ko-fi account. Even the smallest amount is greatly appreciated. There is no obligation or expectation to donate, because I am honestly just so grateful that you're here! 💗 Bee xx

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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 8 months ago

Text

Don't Go Blindly Into the Dark

Summary:

To hide that he can't read, Jan Van Eck has been forcing his son to pretend he's blind since he was eight years old. Wylan is now attending Ketterdam University, and meeting Jesper Fahey may very well be about to change his life. But is he safe to tell Jesper the truth? And what will Jesper say if he does?

Jesper is struggling to weigh up his life in the Barrel and his life at the University of Ketterdam, and there's a good chance that his growing debt is about to make the decision for him. He hasn't attended class consecutively for months, but maybe that will change when his newest project includes partnering up with Wylan Van Eck. But can he really leave the Barrel behind him? And how long can he keep up the pretence of who he thinks Wylan wants him to be?

Tags: @justalunaticfangirl @lunarthecorvus

If anyone else would like to be tagged let me know :)

Content warnings for this chapter: blood, wounds, violence, death, grief, loss of a parent, implied sa references/fear of touch due to Inej's trauma

Note: This kinda got really long out of nowhere and I'm not sure when that happened but hey, hope you enjoy :)

AO3 link

Chapter 18 - Jesper

Jesper was barely in time to stop Inej from smacking into the pavement, catching her shoulders and gently laying her the last few inches instead of letting her fall through them. She shuddered as his hand found the wound on her leg, his fingers almost instantly turning wet with blood. He thought he should probably apply pressure to it - even though the knife was still there, protruding from her flesh at an ugly angle, blood was soaking through her trouser leg and dripping onto the ground - but as soon as he made contact she flinched away. The movement elicited a deep groan from the pain, but Inej just shook her head and seemed to be leaning as far away from him as she could manage from where she lay.

“Don’t touch me,” she whispered, closing her eyes for a brief moment.

Jesper began to nod, then paused.

“Is this a… touching-my-leg-makes-it-hurt-more kind of situation, or a don’t-touch-me-at-all kind of situation?”

“Not at all,” she managed, through gritted teeth and a tight breath.

“Okay,” Jesper nodded, shuffling back a little, “Okay,”

But he wasn’t sure what to do now. He had to get her to Nina - no, he had to get her back to the Slat and have Nina come to them. He couldn’t take Inej to the White Rose. He sent Bolliger and Pim running to fetch Nina, and hoped with such fervour it might have been a prayer that he’d be able to get Inej back home in one piece.

He tried to study the cut for a moment and realised it was worse than he’d thought; the wound with the knife handle still visible was only one of several deep, jagged caverns that had been dug into her leg, and around all of them the ripped edges of her trousers bubbling with blood. The lowest was at her knee but the rest were close together in her thigh. He didn’t see her getting back to the Slat without help.

“We’ve got to move,” he said, after a second had passed, “If I just help you up, do you think you can walk alone?”

“You came back,” Inej whispered, sounding almost surprised.

“I heard a gunshot,” he said, “The others were steering down the street, I sent Anika and Roeder to the docks and pulled Pim and Bolliger into the fight with me,”

Jesper was still nervous about that decision. It was hazy enough for him and Inej to show up and ask him to trust them on such insane information, but looking at Inej he knew he needed to be here. And the main thing was just that the others got Wylan away from the hired guns and back to the Barrel.

“You came back,” Inej whispered again.

Jesper tried to force his focus to Inej’s face, and not the throbbing flesh in front of him. He nodded.

“Do you think you can let me help you up? Can you walk?”

A brief moment hung in the air.

“I can try,”

Jesper held his hands out so Inej could choose to take them when she was ready, and she gripped him so tightly he thought the pressure from his rings might break skin. She was clearly holding in a scream as she anchored herself against him to drag her legs beneath her and sit upright.

“Inej-”

“Just let me try,” she breathed.

Jesper held his arms out at right angles, as stiff as he could make them, and Inej leaned on them like they were the top of a wall she’d climbed as she pulled herself to her feet. He watched her fingers tighten on top of his sleeve, her knuckles almost turning white. As soon as she was standing she released him, took one shuffling step forwards, and very nearly collapsed as her leg buckled and a low, almost angry scream burst from her chest. Jesper caught her on instinct as hse fell, then quickly pressed her against the side of one of the buildings leering into the alleyway so she could stay upright as he stepped away. She stared at the floor, breathing shakily. Her shadow loomed across the paving stones, disfigured by the dark blotch of the knife handle. Jesper took a slow breath.

“Inej, you’re not going to get back to the Slat like this,” he hesitated, “It’s not a long walk. You can lean on me, and we can take breaks if you need them. Okay?”

She closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them again she still avoided his gaze.

“Okay,”

Inej swayed a little as she tried to straighten, then fell into Jesper’s arm with a few slow, stumbling steps. He held her up, trying to keep weight off her leg if he could, trying to watch her face and figure out if she needed him to let go.

“Just tell me if you need to stop,”

They managed the first few steps, Inej limping badly, and had almost reached the mouth of the alley before she grabbed his sleeve. Jesper froze, scanning for something to lean her against to stay standing. He pulled away but kept his hand on hers, seemingly all that was holding her up. But all she said was:

“I’m dizzy,”

Her voice was barely a whisper, with a worryingly light tone that sounded faintly amused. Jesper glanced down - Inej’s face had paled quite considerably, and the cobbles beneath and behind them were dark and slick with red. Shit.

“Inej?”

“Jesper…” she whispered, swaying slighlty, “Jesper…”

Panic began to close its tight grip over Jesper as he tried to tug Inej another step forwards, hand over hers, arm outstretched for fear she’d fall or faint.

“You’re okay,” he told her, wishing he sounded more convincing, “You’re okay; we’re not far from the Slat now,”

Inej glanced around her like she was surprised to discover where she was.

“It’ll just take ten minutes,” said Jesper, even though he knew on a brisk walk it would probably take you fifteen, “Come on, you can do it,”

Inej gripped his hand tighter, took a slow but confident stride forwards, and promptly fell straight towards the pavement. Jesper grabbed her by the shoulders before she could face-plant onto the stones and tried to encourage her to balance, but he could tell it was a lost cause. He hesitated, but there was still blood pouring from Inej’s wounds and she was swaying between his hands on her arms, eyes half-closed.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, then quickly looped an arm around her waist and scooped her up into his arms, “I’m so sorry. We’ll get home as quick as possible, okay?”

Inej didn’t reply. She struggled briefly and rather half-heartedly as he picked her up and her face contorted in pain. He genuinely wasn’t sure if that came only from the knife wounds, or from him as well. But he had to get her back to the Slat, and he wasn’t sure she’d make it on her own. He all but ran back through the Barrel, moving as quickly as he could manage with her drooping in his arms, feeling her blood soaking into his shirt and murmuring a thousand apologies into her ear.

They burst messily through the door and Jesper immediately saw Layla, a sweetheart but probably the clumsiest girl he’d ever met, jump up from her chair at the sight of Inej. The chair fell over in her wake but she didn’t seem to notice.

“Find Kaz,” he told her, “Quick,”

She vanished. Inej mumbled something, her eyelids drooping.

“Hey,” Jesper tried his best to give her a shake without risking dropping her, “Hey, Inej! Look at me, come on, keep your eyes open,”

“Don’t…” her voice was weak and breathy, “... Kaz,”

Jesper shook her again, hurrying towards the stairs.

“Keep talking to me,” he said, “We’re gonna get you upstairs to lie down, and Nina’s gonna be here in no time, okay? Repeat it back to me, come on,”

Inej shuddered.

“Jesper… don’t…”

Her voice faded.

“Talk to me, Inej,”

“Don’t tell Kaz,” she whispered, shaking her head, “He won’t… if I… don’t…”

Jesper swallowed.

“We’ll-” he glanced back over his shoulder, but Layla was long gone, “Okay, Kaz is coming, but I’m gonna keep him out of your way, alright?”

Inej groaned.

“I can’t… he’ll…”

“He’s just going to know something happened,” Jesper didn’t know why she didn’t want Kaz to know about this, but he had a growing suspicion he could work it out, “He doesn't have to know how bad it is. I’ll keep him out of your way,”

They got upstairs as quickly as Jepser could manage and he laid her onto her bed. She groaned softly, rolling quickly away from his touch and immediately wincing at the pain, whilst Jesper grabbed a towel that he found sitting on top of her little clothes chest. He hesitated.

“I’m just gonna lift your legs up,” he told her, slowly, “to put the towel underneath you. Is that alright? I’m just gonna touch your boots, it’ll be two seconds,”

There was already blood on her duvet and maybe this was a futile gesture, but it would probably take a good while to track down any other clean bed sheets at the Slat if these ones got completely ruined. Inej nodded. She closed her eyes and when Jesper took hold of her shoes she gripped the quilt either side of her, the fabric balling into her fists. He pulled the towel along and folded it beneath the wounds as quickly as he could, then gently lowered her legs again.

“All done,” he whispered.

Inej’s pained whimper was her only response.

“Nina’s on her way, she’ll be here any minute. I’ll give you some space, I’ll be right outside the door if you need me-”

He made to leave, but before he could take a step further Inej’s hand had shot out and closed tightly over his own. She winced - she’d sat up slightly to reach him - and her face was contorted in pain as Jesper turned back to her.

“Don’t leave me,” she whispered, “Please,”

Jesper nodded, moving back to her side and squeezing her fingers softly.

“Of course not,”

There wasn’t a chair in Inej’s room - there wouldn’t have been space for one - but Jesper sat down beneath her window and stretched his legs out in front of him. She lay on her side so the knife handle was sticking into the air, dangling her arm over the side of the bed and loosely interlocking her fingers with his.

“Talk to me,”

“About what?”

“Anything,” she whispered, and after a minute, “How did you know? About Wylan?”

“I didn’t. Not really,” he shrugged, “I mean, I noticed stuff was weird… I didn’t think he would try to kill him,”

Inej closed her eyes for a moment and Jepser squeezed her fingers tighter.

“Inej? Inej, look at me,”

“I’m okay,” she whispered, “Still breathing,”

Jesper didn’t want to let go, but he gently loosened his grip on her fingers. They stayed loosely connected, index fingers hooked around each other. He was fighting to stay in this room, in this moment, with Inej and not… Jesper breathed. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen death, since his mother, he saw it almost every day. Hell, he may very well have killed a man barely half an hour ago, before he brought Inej back to the Slat, he didn’t stop to check if the tough was still breathing. And Inej was going to be fine, Nina was coming, she would know what to do. But there was something about this that was forcing him to face the cavern that would be left in him if he lost Inej, to bring the cavern already inside him back to the surface. He took a breath, trying to shake himself away from such stupid thoughts. He was not seven years old anymore. And Inej was going to be okay.

“Jesper?”

He blinked, smiling at Inej.

“Do you need anything?” he asked, “Do you want some water?”

“Jesper,” her voice was soft, “are you crying?”

“No,” he cleared his throat, standing up and dropping her hand, “I’ll get you some water,”

When he came back, Inej had shuffled herself up the bed to sit leaning against the headboard, propped up by her pillow, wincing as tried to settle herself.

“What are you doing?” asked Jesper, shaking his head, as he set her water down and offered her an arm so she could steady.

“I…” Inej breathed heavily, “... it hurts,”

“Well I hate to state the obvious, love, but I think that’s going to be a given when there a knife sticking out your leg,”

Inej made a sound that might have been laughter, but it was hard to tell through her pained breathing. She clutched his arm, resting her head briefly against his shoulder.

“You should lie down, try to keep it still,” he told her softly.

“Where’s Nina?”

Jesper had no idea. Shouldn’t she be here by now? Shouldn’t she have gotten back before they did?

“On her way,” he promised, “She’ll be here any minute,”

It took a short while longer for Nina to arrive, though Jesper wasn’t sure exactly how long it had been. He got Inej to drink an entire glass of water, but she was still losing blood badly and he thought she might be close to passing out. He didn’t know how much blood you have to have lost to get to that point. Should he try to put pressure on the cuts? He didn’t want to risk moving the knife around, and he wasn’t sure if I he would be okay with his hands on her leg again. If Nina wasn’t here in a few minutes, he decided, he would find something to tie around them and hope that would be enough pressure until she arrived.

“Talk to me,” Inej said again, her voice weak, “Please,”

Jesper nodded.

“I… I don’t know what to say,”

“You always know what to say,” Inej laughed softly, and Jesper echoed her.

She was right. He could’ve talked for King and country, as his Da would’ve put it - which always made Jesper laugh when he was little, because they didn’t have a King in Novyi Zem. There wasn’t a King in Kerch, either, but that didn’t stop him. Still, now it felt like there were simply no words within his reach. A moment passed, before Inej murmured:

“Tell me about Wylan,”

“What about him?”

“Well, I only met him twice,” she said, softly, “In chemistry lessons, of all places. I’m still yet to have a go at Kaz for those,”

Jesper laughed.

“Tell me what he’s like,” Inej said, closing her eyes again until Jesper grabbed her hand and she said: “I’m awake. I’m okay. Just… talk,”

Jesper talked. The minutes ticked by. He panicked that Nina still hadn’t appeared, wondered if he should send one of the Dregs looking for her or looking for a Healer, tried to keep his voice even and carry on talking to Inej. He didn’t know how long it had been when the door was flung open and Nina ran into the tiny bedroom, taking Jesper by surprise so much that he jumped up to his feet.

“Inej?”

“Nina…” Inej groaned, softly, reaching out towards Nina’s outstretched hand, smiling as she said, “funny story…”

“Oh Saints, Inej, I’m so sorry I took so long,”

Nina clutched at Inej’s fingers for a moment as Jesper tried to shuffle out of her way in the tiny room, so Nina could get to Inej properly.

“What-?” when she saw the full extent of Inej’s injuries, Nina gasped, “Oh Saints, what happened?”

Jesper opened his mouth but before he could the door opened again and Kaz appeared through it.

“Wraith-”

Inej seemed to almost flinch, pulling herself quickly upright and immediately wincing at the pain.

“Nope,” said Jesper, before Kaz could get another word in, “There’s too many people in here,”

“What happened?” asked Kaz, his rough voice grating through the air.

“Out,” Jesper pointed at the door, “I’ll fill you in,”

No-one moved for a moment; Jesper walked towards the door so Kaz was forced to back out into the corridor again, though he didn’t look pleased about it, and nodded at Nina and Inej before he pulled it shut behind them both.

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