#JOKE THIS IS JOKE CONGRATS GAY PEOPLE
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what’s gayer:
actual lesbian sex scene
OR!
rewriting the fabric of the universe because you as a man were destined to meet one (1) man in every dimension that has ever existed across time and space
#JOKE THIS IS JOKE CONGRATS GAY PEOPLE#arcane#arcane spoilers#caitvi#jayvik#I’m not tagging everyone’s names this is a gayass post you get the gayass ships that’s IT
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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congrats @ask-jeff-winger on your coming out! (is that how you use that?) I’ve never heard of ‘bigender’ before.. much to research I guess! Happy pride, you ‘slay’ !?🌈 🏳️🌈🦄❤️
#another friend lost to the pits of hell..!#jokes 🥰 love you gay people#congrats jeffery!!! very proud!!!#slay !#ally! 🥰🌈#shirley bennett#not an ask#community nbc
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The way some people are on here and social media in general, I’m scared to make a joke about a character bottoming or topping and them interpreting it as agreement that that’s All They’re Gonna Be and are automatically now the (Traditional gender role versions of) Woman or Man regardless of gender or actual personality and I assume I shoehorn them like they do. Big fear
#and if they're trans it get REALLY WEIRD#assume I see all characters as vers#congrats buddy youre reinforcing weird ass backwards rhetoric regarding gender and sexuality and it doesn't become progressive because#you're gay saying it#vena vents#not art#I have a lot of bottoming jokes about wren but realized people may be extremely weird and unfunny because#1. he's small and semi effeminate 2. somewhat flamboyant 3. married to a more masculine dude than him and it's like ah shit
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THEY'RE SO FAKE!!
charles leclerc x australian!cricketer!male!reader
request: Hey can I request a Charles Leclerc x male reader(cricketer reader) fake/pr dating smau
summary: fake, real, pr, true love ... who's to tell? certainly not you and your boyfriend.
warnings: swearing, minor hate comments, parental favouritism (lighthearted), mentions of kitchen fires (minor), i don't know much about cricket so this is brought to you again by my parents watching it all the time :)
charles_leclerc
📍 hungaroring, hungary
liked by pierregasly, lewishamilton, and 892,736 others
charles_leclerc wrapped up in budapest! next up, spa 😘
tagged youruser
comments
user1 HOLY HARD LAUNCH BATMAN????
user2 we lost charles???
user3 be fr we never "had" him in the first place
user4 such a shame, i thought he was a respectable driver ... this user has been blocked by the creator
user5 good race! not quite a podium, but we're so proud of you <3
user6 FORZA CHARLESSSSS
user7 LECLERRCCCCCCCC
user8 is he dating that really hot cricket guy?
user9 yes! y/n l/n!
youruser
📍 brisbane, australia
liked by oscarpiasti, patcummins30, and 245,482 others
youruser belgium was pretty cool, but i'll take the pitch over the track any day 💪
tagged charles_leclerc, bbl
comments
user10 what is this dry ass caption, dad?
user11 calling it right now, they're a pr stunt
user12 or they could just be private?
user13 to anyone wondering why us y/n fans think this is shifty, he's usually wayyyyy funnier than this
user14 you don't deserve charles! this user has been blocked by the creator
user15 this is the weirdest crossover i've ever seen
user16 if this is a pr stunt it's pretty weird bc i don't really see what either charles or y/n gain from publicly being in a gay relationship?
user17 attention ig 🤷
charles_leclerc
📍 circuit zandvoort, netherlands
liked by georgerussell63, liamlawson30, and 771,209 others
charles_leclerc does he really love you if he won't go stargazing on batting cages with you?
tagged youruser
comments
user18 LOVE???
user19 well nobody can say charles doesn't move fast off-track ...
user20 this HAS to be pr bc in what world does charles post without his filter or a kissy face emoji 🤨🤨🤨
user21 he's not good enough for you this user has been blocked by the creator
user22 has anybody else noticed that charles and y/n have both been deleting hate comments about each other and blocking people left right and center?
user23 yes! as they should tbh
user24 kinda disrespectful if you ask me
user25 user24 good thing we didn't!
user26 i'm glad to see that even if (ha) this is a pr relationship, they clearly have a lot of respect for each other
youruser
📍 autodromo nazionale monza, italy
liked by jackdoohan, scuderiaferrari, and 334,920 others
youruser cricket fans are insane enough, these ferrari people are next level
oh yeah, and we won :D
tagged charles_leclerc, scuderiaferrari, ausmencricket
comments
user27 y/n fans i see what you mean he is funny
user28 help why does charles look like he's high AND drunk at the same time 😭
youruser the holy spirit of enzo ferrari possessed him
user29 please god never let ferrari media training near this man
user30 loving all the f1 fans realizing that y/n is actually just an incredibly weird guy who happens to be able to throw a ball well liked by charles_leclerc and others
user31 loving all the cricket fans realizing that charles is actually just a little goofball who happens to be able to drive fast liked by youruser and others
user32 they're already at the stage of liking funny comments about each other, they grow up so fast 🥹
charles_leclerc
📍baku, azerbaijan
liked by apmmonaco, olliebearman, and 981,264 others
charles_leclerc maybe next year baku 😘 congrats to my son of course ;)
tagged youruser, oscarpiastri
comments
user33 i can't believe they're keeping the adoption joke going still
oscarpiastri mega race, dad 💪
youruser charles_leclerc i thought leo was your only child
charles_leclerc well i may have missed one
olliebearman ollie bearman erasure!!!!!!!
user34 y/n is either extremely gullible or extremely chill with charles' grid children but either way it's funny
youruser secret third option: a cheeky fuck
ausmencricket can confirm 👍
user35 that second picture called me single in every language those two idiots speak :(
user36 at first i was like CHARLESY/N!!! as a joke, but bro ... i don't think it's a joke anymore ...
user37 these posts feel less and less fake every time 🤨
youruser
📍 singapore
188,942 likes
youruser end of pre-season means less f1 ... but more cricket!
tagged charles_leclerc
comments
user38 when did you become a photographer mr. l/n
youruser when i started dating a pretty boy?
charles_leclerc heheheheeehehe 🥰🥰🥰🥰
user39 oh they are UNBEARABLY cute
user40 praying for y/n's teammates bc i've never met him but i know that man is the biggest simp on planet earth
user41 praying for the grid bc i've never met charles but i know that man is the biggest simp in the world
user42 ^^ i only believe in a higher power when shit like this happens
pierregasly to everyone who thinks they're disgustingly cute online, imagine being there in person 😑
user43 did- did pierre just confirm that charlesy/n is actually real?
user44 i wouldn't read into it. he's probably just in on the pr stunt.
charles_leclerc
📍 circuit of the americas, usa
liked by arthur_leclerc, sebastianvettel, and 1,345,892 others
charles_leclerc austin, you were kind to me 😘
one more win and lifetime with you in the bag <3
tagged youruser
comments
user45 oh this isn't very pr-relationship of you charles
lewishamilton congrats👏 excited to share a team with you next year brother!
user46 sebastianvettel aussiegrit fernandoalo_oficial jensonbutton lewishamilton nicorosberg are you guys jealous that charles embraced the gay and didn't deprive himself for years
youruser this is WILD
youruser keep going
user47 lmfao he is such a menace 😭
leclerc_pascale proud of you, chouchou. make sure to bring my favourite son home with you next time!
charles_leclerc why does he get to be your favourite :(
arthur_leclerc yeah, we're your real sons, maman!!
leclerc_pascale he can cook without almost burning my kitchen down.
charles_leclerc ...
arthur_leclerc ...
charles_leclerc understandable, have a nice day 🫡
user48 the leclerc bros fighting over y/n being the favourite-
user49 is y/n really the only one who can cook?
user50 i think i speak for all cricket fans when i say in what world can y/n cook??
youruser this one 👍
youruser also it helps that the standards are VERY low
youruser
liked by maxverstappen1, paularon_, and 455,827 others
youruser what started out as a fake relationship rapidly turned into the best thing that ever happened to me.
love you charlie, can't wait to spend forever and ever and ever with you x
tagged charles_leclerc
comments
user51 so you're telling me they're real life fake dating to real dating???
user52 so half of us were right to begin with and half of us were right at the end?
user53 seems pretty fair to me 🤷
user54 fake charlesy/n believers 🤝 real charlesy/n truthers
user55 these pictures of charles are all so Boyfriend
youruser he is very Boyfriend :D
charles_leclerc youruser you're very Boyfriend too 😘
user56 crying they're so cute 😭
©thekoalapastriesbakery :: please do not copy or rewrite my work on any platform !!
author's note: as said at the beginning, i don't know all that much about cricket but i tried lol. really the only sports i know about are soccer/football and f1. still, hope you like it anon!
comments + reblogs appreciated!
: photos from pinterest!
taglist: @raizelchrysanderoctavius @crispysoup318 @op-81-lvr-reblogs @ncrsbrg @spoonfulofmilo @justaf1girl @widow-cevans
#formula 1 x male reader#formula 1 x reader#f1 x male reader#f1 x reader#formula one x male reader#formula one x reader#charles leclerc x male reader#charles leclerc x reader#f1 smau#formula 1 smau#formula one smau
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i started thinking about 8x06 and i got mad again. I'm literally never not going to be mad about that fuckery. god help me from the restaurant scene with the “yOu'Re AlLOwEd tO LoOK” bullshit, Buck being flustered because a woman is flirting with him SINCE WHEN??? at worst he would have flirted back (accidentally or on purpose), at best he would have said no can do, I'm celebrating my 6 month anniversary with my boyfriend here. “I don't know what the Kinsey scale is” HE WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT or the fact that he doesn't know his boyfriend is gay!!! after 6 months!!! and the worst is they wrote this scene only as a set up for Tommy to talk about his past of dating women for the Dramatic Reveal
which sucks even worse because the fact is that Tommy's ex fiance could've been literally any random woman from the greater LA county area and it would have made so much more sense without retconning Abby's and Tommy's canon from s1 & s2!!!!! her boyfriend broke up with her because he was an asswipe who couldn't handle that she was caring for her sick mother, not because he was gay!!!! Tommy sat at a bar with his colleagues and said he doesn't date because women can't handle his job because he was gay and closeted, not fucking engaged!!!!!
you want Buck freaking out because his boyfriend hurt people because he was living a lie, fine. you want to put him in a room with Josh and have him wax poetic about glee, fine. both of these things could happen without the mutual ex connection. literally bringing some nonsense fanon theory into your show... for what, exactly? we know you didn't plan it that way since the beginning, so it doesn't make you look smart. we know you stole the idea from the fandom, so it doesn't make you look good. it served no purpose and ruined already established satisfying canon facts. was it to have Maddie make a homophobic joke about a woman she never even met turning men gay? after her brother had explicitly told her he still likes women? you wanted that biphobic joke in there? congrats, you ruined Maddie's character too in this scene. well done.
fuckass tim minear when i catch you....
#and that's before we even get to the breakup scene lol#send post#911 discourse#it's so bad. it's so so bad. unsalvageable#even if they get them back together they can't undo the shitty writing of 8x06 and that sucks so much
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Bad End: Traps
"Darling~!" A rich voice greeted me, as I stepped through the final doors leading to an opulent office. "You're looking better! Are you finally adjusting to the anti-poisons? I know they made you feel quite sick."
THAT was an understatement. Try worst cramps and fever of my life, with a dose of puking for days. They put me on IVs. Buuuut? I wasn't gonna say THAT. Not a chance in hell. We, team Earth that is, were supposed to be here for DIPLOMACY. So? Fucking LIE~☆
Yep! "Bit" sick. Just a touch. Hardly noticed, really. Took a nap.
Veneni laughed, rising from the elegant sprawl she'd been resting on one of her "not called couches but totally are" things. To be honest, her voice reminds me of those old "radio stars" from the clips at the museums. All smooth yet husky, curling around you, like they're going to invite you somewhere dark to learn a naughty little secret if you're very VERY good.
Kind of voice you could listen too for HOURS, reading the most boring shit imaginable, and it be the best time you'd had in years.
I am... SO gay, for Veneni.
Like? You DO NOT UNDERSTAND. She SASHAYS. Not walks. Not strolls. Sashays! Like life is a catwalk and she is the alpha bitch here to show these other models how it's DONE. But also? Like she doesn't even NOTICE! It's just... effortless. How she moves. All delicate hand motions and rolling hips and curves.
That I Can Not Touch because she is SUUUUPER poisonous.
Which is? Frankly? Homophobic and a crime against me, specifically. Yeah, her whole species is like that. And it's why all of us are suffering through the Anti-poison adjusters. But STILL! I can't even "accidentally" brush her hand? No potential kissing of hot hot hot alien gf? Illegal. Blocked. Everyone here is a bastard and I want to complain.
.....not, mind you, that I have the metaphorical lady balls to actually CONFESS anything.
But you know... maybe.... maybe if I pine hard enough?
Good ol' stand awkwardly nearby and mentally project "NOTICE ME SEMPAI!" At her? I put on my nice outfit! Makes the girls look-! Wait, does her species even give a shit about boobs? FUCK. Okay, see this? THIS is why I was a flight assist. Just inventory and handing stuff to people who knew what they were doing.
MASTER of the fine arts of "I Can Understand The Instruction Manuel, In Case Of Emergency"!
Pretty good at coffee, too. Not to brag.
But, like? Jokes aside? Things had been... Bad.
Everything had gone to shit. Then somehow found a shovel in the manure pile and started digging. Started OUT okay! Really, it had! Travel was unexpectedly a bit rough. Some sort of space storm that went RIGHT over my head, but we dodged every major catastrophe. Got here in one piece.
There was a fancy meeting party. Whiiiich? In hindsight? Terrible idea. WAY too many people with hella poisonous skin, standing WAY too close. Only reason we didn't IMMEDIATELY lose the head diplomate? Was the regulation "new planet, unknown pathogens" full body biosuit. He? Got a HUG. Like... right out the ship.
Oof. That would have been IT, for him. Unfortunately, he didn't make it past that much longer. Someone's pet bit him. And? Yep. Completely fucking venomous. Lethally so. A tragedy, right? Outlier, surely?
Ha!
No. No this planet was trying to fucking kill us. It was a toxin coated hellpit and had so far? Murdered just over half the diplomatic crew. Those that were still alive? Over half of THEM were in emergency care. With just over a forth of the OTHER survivors being the only ones who could safely care for them.
Rest of us were either in isolation or sick as FUCK.
Isolation for those who needed to get rescued, because the Anti-poison adjusters would fucking kill them. Or sick as hell, for those few who remain that finally, FINALLY had found a way to Not DIE.
ALL WHILE PEACE TALKS WERE TRYING TO HAPPEN.
It was a shit show~☆
I? Went from basically a nobody? To "congrats! By merit of NOT being dead or dying, you're the head diplomat by proxy!" Which? Fucking WHAT? You could physically SEE the stress radiating off the poor guys back home, as they tried to speed run me through "how to not Accidentally A War 101".
I was pretty sure his cup, did in fact, NOT contain coffee. But I wasn't telling.
Instead, I got the honor of carrying the video call. Literally. Since our tech was incompatible. I got to carry the whole set up. Portable battery included. So the ACTUAL Really, Actually, Trained In Diplomacy, Diplomat could call in. And then I could look pretty and nod seriously at the appropriate times.
Mmmmhmmm. Yes. I agree. I both understand what is being said, AND support Earth's position on these matters! I have definitely studied the materials. Am supposed to be here. We have DEFINITELY suffered no catastrophic loses, pay no attention to the chaos behind the curtains! Diploooomacyyyyy....
God, she is pretty.
Watching her smile, her sensors gently shift around her like flowing water, the way her hand delicately gestured as she spoke? I... I wanted to build her, like, a cabin or something. Bring her breakfast in bed. Maybe adopt an alien dog together. And like? I don't even KNOW how to build shit. But, fuck it. I'd learn.
Cause I mean... you KNOW you got it bad, when you look at Toxic Super Hell the planet, look at pretty lady, look BACK at the planet that in no uncertain terms ACTIVELY thirsts for your blood... and go?
"So when do I move? Feeling REAL patriotic for my new home! Wooo, New Home!"
Yes I have a problem. Shut up, I'm aware.
A quite click signaled the end of their talks. Finally done for the day. I definitely, in now way shape or form, perk up like an excited puppy hearing the word "walkies". Because that? THAT would suggest I had WAY more dignity. I am a thirsty, thirsty bitch, okay? SO PRETTY. Nice laugh! Calls me Darling!! I have a LIST!!!
"Mmmm, what an unpleasant man that was. Did something happen to Mr. Ho?" She asked, stretching in the slow rolling way of hers. It looked boneless and decadent. REALLY distracting. "I hope nothing Serious~. We were nearly on the cusp of getting you home! I do hope he gets well soon. But, ah~, where ARE my manner today, Darling? You must be starving!"
Veneni sweeps forward to tuck my arm in hers, pulling me against her side. Even through my biosuit and her modest dress... I... I can FEEL her body heat. How soft and warm she feels pressed close against me. She smells tingly and spiced, kinda like citrus and mulled cider. NOT! That I'm smelling her! WHICH I'M NOT!! Because that would be so, SO creepy! It's just-!? You know-?! AaaaaaAAA???
She guides me to our little table. Probably set up for guests in general. But... you know... kinda like to THINK of it? As ours?
I REALLY need to stop while I am ahead. Good fucking gods. Ignore me.
Mmm, yes, distraction cake! Let's talk about THAT instead! Wonder what she-? I then choked on my drink. Because... because after bringing out the usual traditional deserts of she was teaching me about? And dishes I could try? Veneni... c.. casually as you please rests her chin, propped up on one hand, then reaches out with the other... to place it on my hand, which rests on the table between us.
Hear that? That's my soul screaming at a pitch only dolphins can make.
OH MY GOD.
I'd like to say? I don't immediately embarrass myself? But that's a lie. I make a wheeze reminiscent of something dying horribly. Against all odds. She is NOT immediately disgusted and done with me. Dear lord, my parents may actually have a chance at seeing me married! Holy FUCK.
Wait. No. Slow your roll.
SMILE first. We GOT this! Seduce her!
I open my mouth... and stupid fell out. FUCK.
"Calm yourself, Darling!" She laughs, the bemused fondness lighting up her face. "You hardly need to impress ME! Believe me. I knew you were mine the second I saw you. Nothing could possibly change that~"
Her cute fangs catch the light, deadly sharp. Her's is a predatory species. I wonder if they like social touch? Cause I REALLY want to cuddle. Hold hands. Touch. Ooooother stuff~ But! Mostly the Hold Cute Alien GF! Assuming that's where this is headed. Please GOD let that be where this is headed!
"I was thinking... and I don't want to be too forward, of course," oh god please do "and I hope I'm not interpreting things incorrectly!" You are not. Take me you magnificent, purple, high femme queen amongst the masses. "But... I would VERY much like to... get to know you, Darling. On a more... personal level...?"
I kept my lips pressed desperately together to keep from literally shouting the word "Yes" in her face. Be cool. BE COOL! We are both cool and Very Normal About This! Scream in incoherent joy later!
Y..Yeah! Sounds great!
This is the best day of my-!
An explosion shook the biodome. While the whole planet WAS toxic as fuck? There were levels to it's toxicity. Some places too much for even native life forms to handle. And, of course, no place that non-natives could safely survive. Thus the capital's biodome. Highly filtered air, earth, and resources. Built for diplomacy and several critical care hospitals.
Now under attack. Another bomb exploded. Cracks in the dome.
I could only stare in mute horror at the pillar of smoke. Because... Because that was the isolation area. Our evac's. Someone just blew up... Then my brain seemed to comeback online all at once, as adrenaline flooded my system. I looked between the still unpacked call system and Veneni.
A piece of tech or a high ranking, probably high interest target. My maybe hopefully girlfriend. Not really much of a choice.
Fucking LEAVE IT.
We had to go. I pulled Veneni up, told her as much. She looked so startled.
"Of... Of course, Darling. Yes. You're right. I AM probably a target, aren't I?" The thought didn't seem to have occurred to her. God, I felt like a monster having to bring such ugliness to her attention. Scaring her like this. But ignorance wouldn't keep either of us safe.
"I...I think there was a safe room?" She faltered, arms crossing almost artfully, looking so uncertain I couldn't help but want to comfort her. "But, Darling, I'll admit.. I'm.. I think I'm rather scared. Will you protect me? Stay with me? ...please?"
I couldn't help it. She looked so scared. So delicately small. I stepped forward, arms going around her. Pulling her close like I could shield her from the world. I wouldn't let anything happen to her. I promised myself. Felt her arms, a few of her sensors, desperately curl around me.
I didn't see the smile, pressed against my front. That quickly vanished as she pulled back. Nor did I notice the calm technician, hidden in the shadows of a side hall, who nodded at Veneni as I herded her to "safety". Would think nothing of how, tragically, my rooms were hit in the follow up blasts. How very lucky, that Veneni has rooms to spare. But oh~ she would not want to over step!
I don't notice a lot of things. But hey, things are great! I got a girlfriend! Or, as she likes to joke,
She Got Me.
#threepandas#yandere#yandere x reader#yanblr#reader insert#yanderecore#oblivious reader#in love reader#lesbian yandere#alien yandere#Machiavellian yandere#manipulative yandere#tw vomit#reader is sick off screen#reader is THIRST incarnate#lesbian reader#bad end traps#bad end traps au
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Since (Tiktok is being banned and) we're all gonna die anyway, I have one more secret I'd (like to jump into tumblr with) share with you (in the hopes that I find like-minded individuals)
I don't understand people who think Buddie is ever going canon.
I understand why people ship them. I understand why people thought there was a chance. I acknowledge they could work as a really epic slow burn romance.
They're not going canon.
It's not even because of Tommy and Tevan. I'll be happy to argue with anyone about Tevan.
Buddie is still not going canon.
Are they the majority of the shippers in the online fandom? Absolutely. Most popular ship, hands down. Over thirty thousand fanworks on AO3 alone, something like a hundred thousand followers in the tag on Tumblr, they're a shipping juggernaut. But what people fail to understand is that online fandom is always, ALWAYS a minority of the audience. The average viewer is not making tumblr posts and writing fics and drawing art of their favorite TV show. It doesn't matter how much of a majority of the fandom Buddie has, it's a minority of the audience. We saw this EXACT. SAME. EFFECT. in the recent election. Democrats created a giant echo chamber that made a lot of us very, very confident, but we did not have the majority of the audience.
A hundred thousand followers of the Buddie tag on Tumblr. However many hundred thousand tweets on Twitter (I refuse to call it X and I refuse to get on it). Thirty thousand works on AO3.
6-8 MILLION people regularly tune into 911. I guarantee you, most of them do not know what shipping is, and even if they do, Buddie has not been presented as a potential romance for either Buck or Eddie. Every moment, every look, every action...joke all you want, there IS a heterosexual explanation. "You two have a beautiful son!" Oh my God, meant to be!
The majority of the audience was laughing at the joke of two dudes being assumed a couple and Buck's discombobulation.
The shooting (honestly, the only part where I think they MIGHT have done it). A gorgeous romantic scene where they finally realized how much they stood to lose. Most of the audience was sympathizing with Buck having to watch his best friend go down in the street. Military people were probably having band of brothers thoughts.
Because, Evan. THE definitive Buddie moment. At best, most of the audience was thinking how beautiful it was that Eddie considers Buck family.
Buddie is not going canon, and it's weird that you get so vicious over it to other fans instead of yelling at the show to stop ship baiting for views. Cause that's what they're doing. Marketing, media, social posts, interviews. It all reads the exact same as it ALWAYS does when a show wants the engagement and the clicks but doesn't want to piss off the general audience. You saw it with Destiel, you saw it with Sterek, you saw it with McDanno.
ABC cares about diversity and storytelling only insofar as it will make them money and I guaran-damn-tee you Disney is not going to let them give Eddie a coming out arc along with Buck. It was a HUGE risk for them to do it with Buck (speaking strictly from a business perspective...obviously I think there should be more queer characters on TV) and it only worked because Buck was always at least a little queer-coded.
I am not shitting on gay!Eddie headcanons or the ship itself. But the NASTINESS that has perpetuated itself in regards to Buddie is gross and tiresome. It's not going canon and honestly in the political climate that's about to engulf the US even further I'd be surprised if they ever let Buck seriously date a man again, let alone Eddie.
There was a really lovely mlm ship with a main character and people shit on it so hard that it has a real chance of making them think twice about ever giving Buck a male love interest again.
So congrats, I guess? Still never going canon.
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they should have been at the club!!!!!!!!
all jokes aside, ive been in pathfinder fandom for over a year now and you all are the sweetest, most supportive community!!! so i wanted to do a piece dedicated to my favorite little guys :) left to right, we have:
emerie (@tenmillionbees), balthazar (@outeremissary), vio (@mountainashfae), jubilee (me), cascade (me), zaurak (@bastiantj, my bestie 5ever. he does not post), minovae (@silversiren1101), valerius (@camelliagwerm), ariadne (@arendaes), siavash (@dujour13), agria (@thesolemnhour), and zara (me)
some extra goodies under the cut!
heres the flats, which i really like:
one of my favorite parts of this drawing was how varied the responses i got when asked for a "club" outfit were. everyone kind of looks like theyre attending a completely different event but here is my rough attempt at categories.
oh, to hit the gay bar with balthazar. we can only dream of the carnage.
some other silly stuff i did: romance breakdown. congrats to woljif on the four girlfriends and boyfriend.
also popped everyone on the alignment chart for shits and giggles.
dont put these people in the same room together.
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Senpai Is An Otokonoko Episode 1 Review - A Queer-Coded Romcom
What is an ‘otokonoko’? According to some sites, it’s a Japanese term for men who express themselves femininely. Are they trans? Are they a crossdresser? That’s something to figure out for yourself. Because of the ambiguity regarding Makoto’s gender, I’m going to use they/them pronouns when talking about them.
Regardless, Senpai Is An Otokonoko seems to be a romcom story that talks about sexuality, gender and conformity as Makoto Hanaoka is a boy who dresses up as a girl, but only does it at school. Saki Aoi is a girl who fell for Makoto, originally believing them to be a girl, but when they tell her the truth, Saki gets excited knowing that she can like both the boy and the girl versions of them. Congrats on the sudden bisexual awakening? Anyways, Saki is still insistent on pursuing Makoto, so she does whatever she can to make sure she becomes their first love. The only obstacle in her way is their childhood friend, Ryuji Taiga, who is protective of them, but also has a crush on them.
Is this BL? Yuri? I’d say that it is more of a queer-coded story. Makoto clearly likes dressing femininely; Saki is bisexual; Ryuji is gay. Nobody here is straight, not even Makoto. However, I do like it shows the positives and negatives of these kinds of stories. There are people who are accepting of Makoto’s crossdressing like Saki and Ryuji, but there are those who still find it hard to take in like some of Makoto’s classmates and even one of their teachers. However, I do like that the story is not written to make Makoto a joke, but to make them a serious character with internal issues of their own. I’d love to know what caused him to start crossdressing in the first place as its only hinted that he always liked cute things since he was little, but couldn’t lavish in them due to his household being super strict. Why is it that the school allows him to dress like this and why does he have a special locker in the storage room? I’d love to know these types of details.
The visuals are pretty! I seriously love both of Makoto designs! The girl design is beautiful! I love the hair color of their wig! I also like Makoto’s boy design. They may look like a regular boy, but they have a cute and pretty face that helps them stand out from the rest. Ryuji also looks nice with the parted hair and the hoop earrings. Saki also looks so cute with her short bobbed hair! They’re all rather simple designs, but they’re eye-catching!
The characters are fun because they’re in a friendly love triangle. Makoto is a nice person who’s filled with mysteries regarding their actions. I still like that they’re brave to keep crossdressing at school, even if everyone won’t be accepting of it. Saki is so chaotic, but I do like her earnest heart. She’s so bold, which is what Makoto probably needs in his life. Ryuji is also a nice guy but a little overprotective. I do like that he does whatever he can to protect Makoto from weirdos who look at him oddly, but he gets shy whenever the topic of him liking Makoto pops up.
The voice acting is really nice! I’ve never heard Shuichiro Umeda’s performance before, but he has a very cute voice that is perfect for a role like this. Akira Sekine voices another chaotic girl in Saki after voicing the chaos that was Sora Harewataru from Hirogaru Sky Precure. Yuma Uchida plays Ryuji Taiga, making this character the second gay boy he’s voicing this season after Hisashi from Twilight Out of Focus; he’s on a roll with these LGBT characters.
I guess my only gripe is that the art style shifts a lot from the usual to the comical ones that it’s sort of hard to get used to the sudden back and forth. I think it happens way too often that I’m mentioning this. Not that it’s bad but sometimes, it does get a little annoying.
I think people who still struggle with their identity might find some solace in this cute queer-coded story. I wasn’t sure what I was for a long time until I realize that I am most likely pansexual. Yes, this is the first time I reveal my sexuality on this blog, but it’s just a secret that I won’t ever tell anyone in real life because it’s my identity and life; I’m the only one who gets to decide how to live it, after all. For me, gender doesn’t matter; I love people however they are. I honestly can’t wait to see what sort of story this will turn out to be. What are your thoughts on this episode?
#senpai is an otokonoko#senpai wa otokonoko#makoto hanaoka#saki aoi#Ryuji Taiga#review#anime#anime review#queer#queer anime#ecargmura#arum journal
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I don't really use tumblr but i wanted to share my philm club notes w you!
Phil I promise your hair will get so much better
Phil seems a bit grumpy? The poor babe is preparing for a big move so I don’t blame him. And people are asking him to make a video???
lol this was before airtags, I don’t blame him for being worried about the truck being stolen
Aww his parents still lived in Manchester
lol Dan trying to talk business with him while he’s live.
IMAX? CDs? No Zoom? I’m surprised by how much different technology keeps coming up
AmazingDan reference! And at this point it was only 2 years old
I love that he always had games for his viewers.
Wow Phil just show us the walkway to your building why don’t you. I’m glad he was moving
I wonder if he still wants his kids to be called jack and Emily
Oof I forgot that even Phil said the r word. its hard to be reminded of how common it was as a disabled person who had that word used against her
I forgot that the headboard of Phil’s head was next to the door, I hate it.
It’s really cute how dnp have always avoided the word fans
I don’t know why Phil couldn’t get Dan to come in when Dan wasn’t actually packing and was just playing guild wars
I love Phils mashup of Tina turner and then the Pokémon theme
Telling dnp they look like L and light from death note was the 2012 version of telling them they’re Crowley and Aziraphale
I forgot that snapback hats were considered hipster! They also used to be lesbian fashion. Now I think the only reason anyone wears them is if they actually need to shade themselves from the sun.
Phil was making “they’re touching!” jokes even back then I love him sm
Phil didn’t know that Philadelphia is a city or what beavers are
I don’t like the shirt but idk why people had to be mean to Dan about it. It was nice of Phil to say he likes it
Baby Dan theorizing about what it means to look gay when someone tries to insult him. Phil did not look pleased with that chat message
it's weird that it's still light outside, it's summer but it looks right out
“Procreation would have to happen for us to have a love child, I’m not down with that.” “I’m not down with that” congrats guys you have convinced everyone that you’re straight and no one has any doubts, good job.
This was so 2012 with everything from the vibe to the lolrandom humour. The walrus song is now stuck in my head. its so nostalgic but also i know how much better liveshows got, and minus some points for the r word, so idk, 5/10?
5/10 is so fair considering how the later liveshows were gold! good news is the only way now is up
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re: the polyamory post - YES THANK YOUUU i'm so fucking sick of opening tumblr or twitter and like. every other day it's just 'polyamorous people are ugly and stupid *one million retweets from other queer people*' again and again and it's like??? first of all, get new jokes. second of all, congrats on getting approval from the straight people in your replies, but guess what!! they still hate you and they think we are exactly the same!! good job bud!!!
literally!!! literally literally!!!!!!! and part of this comes from the fact that after getting divorced from my ex-husband after a brief open-marriage period (which happened because he realized he was a gay man, not anything to do with trying polyamory in and of itself lmao), we realized that, in the wake of our old relationship and dawn of new ones with new people, that i'm definitely non-mongamous and that he does want monogamy. That experience really threw into relief for me how non-mongamy or monogamy really is a thing that you either want or you don't, either works for you or doesn't! and talking with him about these differences between us during that time period through today has always been really illuminating and interesting to me.
#and it's mostly semantic but i prefer to call myself non-monogamous as opposed to polyamorous because--#--i feel like the various neologisms of polyamory have become blueprints and templates for relationship-forming and describing--#--that i just really don't relate to or see myself in. the way i form relationships and the taxonomy i employ feels more personal than not.#though ultimately i suppose it's a square-rectangle situation; innit?#louposting#asks
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Haikaveh || soft launch
Singer Kaveh soft launching his muse, Alhaitham, on Instagram.
------------------------------------------------------
urfavkaveh
Met up and had breakfast with my old roomie and friend from college!!
Comments:
yourtighnari: You have friends?
➥ urfavkaveh: RUDE, plus you're my friend
➥ yourtighnari: unfortunately
cyn0: the historians would call them friends
➥ urfavkaveh: Cyno I will personally find you and kill you
nilou_9: I'm happy you two finally met up again!! ⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
➥ urfavkaveh: Thank you Nilou! At least somebody's being nice
Laisis : WHO IS THAT?
Arjun555: I can already hear the weird fans going crazy
le_farah: I swear he was friends with this one small musician Alhaitham, pls someone tell me I'm not imagining things
➥ ghaf.farrr6: pretty sure they were but had a falling out at some point a few years ago
-----------------------------------------
_tha1tham
I was forced to go to an art gallery.
Yo_yesir: BRO WHO IS THAT?
May_miz: AM I DELULU OF COULD THAT BE KAVEH? THEY ALWAYS TAG THE PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE WITH
➥ arjun555: definitely delulu lol
➥ n3onad_: NO BUT LITERALLY, IT HAS GOT TO BE HIM
cyn0: why wasn't I invited :(
➥ _tha1tham: I wanted some time away from your jokes.
➥ yourtighnari: ouch
_omxr6: HUUUUH?
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urfavkaveh
Matching!!!
Comments:
Cyn0: historians would call them friends
➥ urfavkaveh: CYNO I SWEAR TO GOD
➥ fai_five: THIS IS SO SUS
Daxani: NO THAT IS LITERALLY ALHAITHAM
➥ nbilal: didn't they have a falling out tho? Doubt it's him because of this
Zstr21: HAIKAVEH REAL?
➥ arjun555: bruh just stfu
raduz: WHAT IS GOING ON.
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_tha1tham
Matching.
Comments:
cyn0: historians would call them friends
➥ _tha1tham: ?
Yourtighnari: you two are so gay
➥ _tha1haitham: like you and cyno aren't.
➥ yourtighnari: good point lol
zstr21: HAIKAVEH IS SO REAL, YOU CAN'T CHANGE MY MIND
➥ arjun555: weirdo
unik_h4na: HIM AND KAVEH HAVE PRACTICALLY THE SAME POST??? WHAT IS HAPPENING
➥ unik_h4na: AND TIGHNARI'S COMMENT?? "you two are so gay" HUH
➥ unik_h4na: AND CYNOS TOO, HE COMMENTED THE SAME THING ON ONE OF KAVEH'S POSTS
hiba.exe: IF I DON'T FIND OUT WHO THAT IS I'M GONNA GO INSANE
rad.r1ft: this man is definitely not single
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urfavkaveh
The love of my life, Haitham and my baby, Mehrak <3
@ _tha1tham
Comments:
📌 _tha1tham: I love you.
➥ urfavkaveh: I love you more!! <33
yourtighnari: gay
➥ cyn0: for you
➥ yourtighnari: I'll let it slide this time
➥ urfavkaveh: GET OUT OF MY COMMENTS
Nilou_9: Congrats you two!! \(≧▽≦)/
➥ urfavkaveh: Thank you Nilou!! (o^▽^o)
zstr21: HAIKAVEH IS REAL OH MY GOD
unik_h4na: I FUCKING KNEW IT
arjun555: oh
byteblis: THE SHIP HAS SAILED
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_tha1tham
My love. <3
@ urfavkaveh
Comments:
📌 urfavkaveh: love has made you so soft oh my god
➥ _tha1tham: I'm going to bite you.
➥ urfavkaveh: ABUSE
yourtighnari: kaveh has really rubbed off on you
➥ cyn0: you know what else has rubbed off on him?
➥ _tha1tham: I know where you two live.
Nilou_9: I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS!!!
➥ _tha1tham: Thank you, Nilou. :)
➥ yourtighnari: oh god he's so soft now
fatimz: AHHHHHHH THEY'RE SO CUTE I'M DYING
arwadream: I'M SO JEALOUS
arjun555: damn
➥ zstr21: HAHAHAH
nexali: YESSS FINALLY
-----------------------------------------
#genshin impact#alhaitham#haikaveh#kaveh#kaveh x alhaitham#kavetham#they're so silly#fluff#I LOVE THEM
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cooking, by asmi, because someone wanted this. i can't cook, btw.
Were they joking? Probably. Cheers, @deathwords334, beware what you wish for. NOW BABYGIRLS, BITCHBOYS, AND BOYCOTTERS OF THE BINARY, I WILL... TEACH YOU HOW TO COOK. EXCEPT UH. I CAN'T COOK.
SO I WILL TEACH YOU WHAT I THINK UH COOKING IS. KINDA. FUCK YEAH THERE'S NOTHING I'M BETTER AT THAN EXPLAINING THINGS I AM SEVERELY UNDERQUALIFIED TO EXPLAIN.
STEP I: WASH THE ENDS OF YOUR FORELIMBS
WASH YOUR HANDS. UNLESS YOU'RE USING GLOVES. PLASTIC GLOVES, BECAUSE THE OTHERS WILL CATCH ON FIRE. To be fair plastic gloves might melt into your skin and cause worse damage than--YOU KNOW WHAT JUST WASH YOUR GODDAMN HANDS 99.9% OF GERMS GONE WITH EVERY HANDWASH EVER.
STEP II: FIND SOME REAL ESTATE TO EXIST IN
YOU SHOULD PROBABLY BE IN A KITCHEN. IT'S NOT A NECESSITY. YOU COULD ALSO HAVE A BONFIRE. OR A MICROWAVE IN A DORM. IS HEATING UP READY-MADE PASTA COOKING? FUCK YEAH IT IS DON'T GATEKEEP COOKING HERE.
YOU CAN ALSO STAND OVER A CREMATION PYRE AND COOK. IT IS NOT ADVISED. FOR LEGAL REASONS.
STEP III: CONTAIN YOURSELF MY DEAR THOTSON!
DR BEGONE THOTSON! MOVING ON. GRAB A CONTAINER. IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE, YOUR PALMS UP IN SUPPLICATION TO OUR LORD GOD BILDADDY ARE A NATURAL CONTAINER. UNLESS YOU'RE HEATING THE CONTAINER. PLEASE DO NOT HEAT YOUR PALMS. YOU CAN GRAB A SWORD OR SOMETHING AND SKEWER THE FOOD IF YOU'RE DESPERATE.
STEP IV: FIND EDIBLE ORGANIC SUBSTRATES
MAKE SURE YOU HAVE FOOD. ON THE MAGGOTS SERVER, THERE WAS DEBATE WITHIN THE FIRST FEW DAYS OF WHETHER OR NOT CONSENTUAL AND LOCALLY SOURCED CANNIBALISM IS ETHICAL. THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THIS POST. JUST GRAB SOME FUCKING FOOD UPROOT A BUSH IF YOU HAVE TO.
HELPFUL TIP: BEWARE WILD MUSHROOMS
OH ASMI, WE KNOW, SOME ARE FUCKING HALLUCINOGENICS, SOME ARE POISONOUS, SOME ARE LAXATIV--NO NO NO. NOT MY POINT. SOMETIMES, MUSHROOMS GROW IN CIRCLES. THIS IS A TRAP SET BY THE FAE. @queermarzipan, PLEASE CONFIRM.
DON'T GET TRAPPED BY THE FAE WHILE FORAGING FOR FOOD.
STEP V: IT'S GETTIN' HOT IN HERE MMMKAY
IF YOU'VE MADE IT THIS FAR WITHOUT GETTING BURNED ALIVE, ARRESTED OR KIDNAPPED BY THE FAERIES, CONGRATS! YOU ARE READY TO COOK. UH. YOU NEED HEAT, PROBABLY. IS MAKING A SALAD COOKING? IS MAKING A (NOT GRILLED) SANDWICH COOKING? I DON'T KNOW.
FOR SOME REASON I THINK HEAT IS KEY TO THE COOKING PROCESS.
SO WELL, GET IT HOT! FUNERAL PYRE OR MICROWAVE, GREAT! KITCHEN, PROBABLY A STOVE IN THERE. BONFIRE, GREAT! OKAY I FEEL LIKE STEP FIVE IS THE SAME AS STEP TWO. IT'S FINE.
WORST COMES TO WORST, PUT ON A TV SHOW LIKE GOOD OMENS (NUDGE NUDGE PROMO PROMO WATCH THE FUCKING SHOW IT'S BEAUTIFUL I LOVE I-OKAY SORRY) AND THE HOMOEROTIC TENSION WILL HEAT UP YOUR FOOD.
STEP VI: SPICE IT UP A BIT!
ADD SPICES THE WAY FANFIC WRITERS ADD FINGER BRUSHES, ONE BED, DANCING AND IT SWITCHES TO A SLOW SONG, WING SENSITIV--SORRY UM YES ADD SPICES THE WAY THEY ADD DETAILS TO THEIR SMUT. SPICE AND CHEMISTRY PEOPLE IT'S SPICE AND CHEMISTRY.
COOKING IS GAY.
STEP VII: MOUTHHOLE THAT BITCH
EAT. BONUS POINTS IF SOMEONE WATCHES YOU EAT. OR YOU WATCH SOMEONE EAT. HOMOEROTICALLY. LIKE CROWLEY WATCHES AZIRAPHA--OKAY FINE I'LL SHUSH BUT WATCH THE SHOW IF YOU HAVEN'T.
y'all I think I might not be coping well with life LOVE YOU MAGGOTS REBLOG IF YOU LEARNED SOMETHING AMAZING ABOUT COOKING TODAY! FROM THIS POST I MEAN. NOT IN... GENERAL. I THINK I'M FALLING ASLEEP. FUCK.
#weirdly specific but ok#good omens mascot#asmi#maggots#good omens#good omens fandom#had to shoehole in the promo#im mascot ok#mmksh#vcook#cooking#cookblr#i read that as something very different#fuck#recipes#recipe for disaster#no.#very lefit recipe mgm#lvoe you#my eyes are shittjngb
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Congrats to Paul Simms for finding the queerbait loophole. You can sparkle some gay sex jokes here and there, let characters state their queerness and tease the only serious gay relationship down to its grave while you never intended to commit, simultaneously going through every single homophobic showrunner talk point ("it's too deep for it to be romantic or sexual", "it'd be wrong because (lame ass excuse)") and even admit you do this because it makes people watch, yet most of the fandom will still act like you were so brave for that and didn't do anything wrong.
Ok, not queerbaiting because they're canonically queer. What do we call this bs then? Because let me tell you, it's going to set a precedent and you're not gonna like it.
#wwdits#nandor the relentless#guillermo de la cruz#nandermo#homophobia#queerbaiting#queerbait#discourse#negativity
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Alright fuck it, s2e1 liveblog.
I'm watching this with people later so the goal is just to get through it enough to sate my impatience, so I'm back to ye olde standby of watching it at high speed with subtitles on. (...Only I guess I'm gonna be slowed down by making comments, huh?)
Spoilers and uncharitable opinions and unfunny jokes will follow.
Not going to talk about stuff in the episode opener until it comes back bc there's not enough to say anything about.
5 minutes in and we're already doing whatever this is huh?
6:30 - Alright okay, fuck, Vannak took his spine pellet out and gets to have one (1) personality trait and it's animal facts and I kind of don't hate that. TV Chief is very unlikable but characters like Kai and Vannak playing the angle of having very youthful quirks bc having emotions is new is cute.
~10:00 - I have nothing to say yet about spooky shapes in the fog but I think this shot of Chief back to back with a marine is fun. Also I wonder if Corporal Perez (this character) will still matter 5 minutes from now.
Also looks like the foggy sword fight from the trailer is here, too difficult to get any kind of cap that doesn't suck out loud. I'm thinking about how I heard someone making a big deal about how Season 2 feels "less like a video game" (whatever that means), meanwhile "fog full of stealth sword guys trying to kill you" feels very very video game level.
~13:00 - Man, and I really thought that sword fighting stuff in the trailer was a solid indicator they were dragging Thel 'Vadamee into this mess. Hey guys look, Arbiter's in this season. 4,000 of him!
Additionally, if a bunch of people decide this is a ship the fandom owes me twenty dollars.
~15:00 - Congrats to Perez for surviving five minutes. Also, we're still doing whatever this is:
16 minutes in we finally get the show's opener. (It has the Halo in it now, I don't think it was there before but let's be perfectly honest it's not like I cared a lot.)
~17:30 or something, reminded once again that a lot of people are attracted to this actor
Also guess what, Keyes is an Admiral now I guess????
Do we think he still gets to get eaten by the Flood eventually? Do we think the Flood will even be in here? Place ur bets at the counter.
Anyway, they're basically diving into a big timeskip here where a bunch of planets have been glassed since last season (including Madrigal). This whole AU is weird to the bone in terms of how its timeline is shaking out.
Anyway anyway, aww here we go
"I'm not here to replace Dr Halsey, I'm here because I believe in you!"
Ohhhhh he knows all the Spartans' names already, ohhhhh they want the audience to like this mf so bad, they want it to be such a tweest that he sucks shit-
Moving right along, at 22:30 we have the Rubble having a crowd decide whether various refugees should be spaced or taken into indentured servitude, because of course we do.
tl;dw the nebbish redhead knows where Catherine Halsey is and there's a big bounty out for her and he's trying to use it as a bargaining chip to not die and everyone thinks that's very funny, also Soren is here. I guarantee he decides to go after her, but first we have to have a scene cut back to whatever TV Chief is doing.
Man I'm really noticing they haven't shown the weird ridged rubber tech suit yet this episode, I wonder if they decided to replace it.
Anyway here's Perez, I still think they want people to start shipping:
Then Jimmy Rings has a meeting with tv show's new guy they want you to like so bad.
Also he says "The O-N-I" like a complete tool. (This is how you know he sucks.)
And while I'm talking trash about him: Ackerson stop flirting, didn't they tell you nobody's allowed to be gay in Halo? Get your shit together.
Thus ends the dream of the funniest possible universe where we just had Cortana: The Show forever. Someone get the penny whistle. My heart will not go on. 😢
Fuck, I was doing timestamps, right? I'm like half an hour in.
THEY STILL WANT YOU TO THINK ACKERSON CARES, BY THE WAY, IN CASE YOU DID NOT NOTICE
They're laying this on so thick so fast there's no way he's not a shitweasel in this AU, but also that would be the funniest possible thing to me.
(If anyone ships this, the fandom owes me forty dollars and therapy.)
ANYWAY... Action figure time. (Remember to boycott Jazwares!)
Soren's kid is playing with a MASTER CHIEF ACTION FIGURE and being weird, meanwhile Soren's wife is calling him out on shit and reminding him that refugees being turned away is, you know, bad.
Congrats to Soren's wife for continuing to be the most unexpectedly sympathetic supporting character I guess, but they made Soren so unlikable off the 1st season it's hard for me to feel investment of any kind here.
35 minutes in: the Spartans are watching a space TV broadcast. They have Ca-ADMIRAL. Admiral. Admiral Keyes presenting the Colonial Cross to Corporal Perez for blah blah blah you saw the start of the episode. The shape of the ceremony and the hovering tv drone thing are obvious H2 references.
(Does this mean Perez is our Sergeant Johnson now? Vote with your phones.)
Get your face out of here, Ackerson, I know what you are.
Oh god there's another team of Spartans (Cobalt) and having adult Spartan-IIs call each other names like children is fucking weird.
Aaaaand tumblr is capping the number of images I can post here and I'm still only about half way done. Fuck. I am not doing this this way for Episode 2 I can promise you that.
(Also hey look the tech suit is back, I guess Silver Team doesn't use it so much anymore to show you they're more human now or whatever?)
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