#Ive gotten it to last like more than a couple years at this point

[caterpillarinacave]

well this sucks

[semiotomatics]

yeah okay lets talk abt this (sorry it got long i needed to vent lol)

okay so. the basics: started getting pretty severe back pain in 2013 when i started having to stand for 8 hours at a time at my job. ended up getting a workers comp claim filed and going to physio, where they taught me some exercises to strengthen my core/other muscles + got those like, deep tissue/pressure point massages w heat or w/e. but the workers comp only lasted like a couple months or smth so i stopped going after that

fast forward to summer 2015 n im at a local street festival n a chiropractor is offering free x-rays + consult for ppl experiencing back pain. well! i absolutely was still experiencing back pain! so i got said free x-rays n at the consult learned that i had 1) scoliosis 2) a tilted pelvis and 3) an extra lumbar vertebrae. he (ofc) recommended i start getting treated by him but a) my medical at the time didnt cover chiropractors and b) iiiii didnt really have the best opinion of chiropractic uhhh anything xD so i declined

over the next seven years my back pain got worse and worse, and i developed pain basically throughout my entire body, with the worst of it centring around my lower back/knees/ankles/feet. in late 2020 i finally got fitted for custom orthotics during which the...guy-who-gets-you-fitted-for-orthotics noted i had "some of the flattest feet he had ever seen" (possibly also some of the most flexible ankles he had ever seen as well, i cant remember lol). i already knew i had flat feet (obvs) n suspected my ankles were fucked up but it was v validating to hear him confirm that both of these things would increase my chances of experiencing back/knee/ankle/foot pain. unfortunately, i got those orthotics shortly after getting laid off from work n ended up not working again till almost a year later so i wasn't really able to like, test them out for a while, and by the time i did and found out they didnt really help, my free adjustment period had ended :(

alongside the chronic back/joint pain i also started experiencing sciatic nerve pain as well as routinely "throwing out" my back (idk if i pinch a nerve or tear a muscle or what but im basically bedbound for like. a week or more and if i move or use that muscle at all its the most excruciating pain ive ever experienced in my life). in late summer 2022 i "threw out my back" while volunteering n ended up walking on it for like. a couple hours afterwards which uhhhhhhhhh fucked me up severely. the pain started radiating out from my back into my hips/legs, and my hips literally just straight up stopped moving/working right anymore. i was walking like, not with a limp but almost like with a weird sway to my hips? aaaaand my scoliosis reversed itself!!! where before my spine had curved to one side, all of a sudden it was curving the other way!! and the curve was much more noticeable just by looking at my silhouette in the mirror than it ever had been before!! which was not a thing i thought could happen!! so like, what the fuck!!

i ended up getting prescribed prescription-strength muscle relaxants as well as prescription-strength naproxen for that injury, which was a godsend, but i also was motivated, mostly by the whole scoliosis-reversal thing, to actually get my back checked out by someone to see wtf was going on. so i went to a local clinic (i have no pcp) and explained my situation to the dr, basically everything ive just described here.

and he said. and i quote "well, losing weight would help with that"

.

you guys.

when i tell you that i burst into tears

i burst into tears in that room and begged him, begged him to help me find out what was wrong. i told him the pain was preventing me from working, preventing me from running errands, preventing me from living. i told him i was feeling actively suicidal because of both the pain itself and how it was destroying my life.

finally, after listening to all that, he said, exasperated: "well what do you want me to do?"

and i said "please, can you just refer me to get an x-ray to see what's going on with my back"

so he did. and i went and got an x-ray a few days later. i asked the tech there if i could get a copy of them and she said to wait until they were sent to the doctors office and request copies from them, so i did. when they hadn't called me back in a couple weeks i called them asking if they had received them yet. they said no. i asked if they would call me when they did. they said yes.

they never did.

that was in december 2022. then 2023 happened and i just. i gave up yall. i gave up on ever getting a fucking answer for why i was in so much pain, let alone ever being able to fix it. even after my breakdown this summer which finally led to me starting on antidepressants and then therapy, i still didnt have a shred of faith that id ever be able to get any dr to give a shit abt the debilitating pain i had spent the last decade of my life experiencing

and then. finally. this week. i was just like. fuck it. whats the email of that clinic. and i found it, and i emailed them asking for copies of my x-rays, if they still had them. and they responded! the very next day! unfortunately they only gave me the...i assume radiologists? findings rather than the x-rays themselves (im gonna write back seeing if/how i can get those, cause i do still want them for my records). but still!! oh my god!! its been an entire calendar year but i finally got to find out what the results were!!

so the extra lumbar vertebrae i knew already. the rest i was kinda surprised to hear cause like? ive seen my 2015 x-rays and they clearly showed my scoliosis/tilted pelvis? so i assumed this would too? but who knows! it had been seven years! also the first set were done standing up, while these ones were done lying down, so idk how that might affect things. in any case, i decided to google this "presumed lumbarization of S1 vertebra", just to see what came up

yall.

yall.

so like!!! okay!!! when i was told the whole "having an extra lumbar vertebra was fine and wouldn't cause back pain" thing that was just straight up false i guess!! and when i went to the dr and told him i had low back pain + scoliosis + an extra lumbar vertebra he should've!! perhaps!! investigated further!!

i cannot explain to you how furious this makes me. whether this is the exclusive cause of my back pain, a contributing cause, hell, even if its a complete red herring. every source i read indicated that if a patient presents with chronic severe low back pain AND known structural abnormalities (like literally all of mine!!) that they should fucking consider that perhaps those two things are related!! they should AT FUCKING LEAST try to rule them out as causes!!!!!!! they definitely shouldnt tell their (not in any way overweight btw) patient to lose weight!!!!!! fuck!!!!!

anyway. in the new year i am going to try again to get a dr to take me seriously. and maybe they wont. maybe ill have to cry and beg again for them to give me the basic standard of care. but fuck!! im not going to give up until SOMEONE agrees to actually figure out what the fuck is wrong with me!! i don't want to be in pain anymore!!! i just fucking dont!!!!!!!

HOLY SHIT

fucking. fuck.

i dont have the energy/mental bandwidth to properly explain rn but i just Learned Something abt my body that could explain a biiiiiig part of the issues ive been having

and the fact that im only learning it now, in december 2023 at the age of almost-30, has me. fuming

i legitimately want every single apathetic/lazy/misogynistic/fucking ableist healthcare professional to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[gatorbites-imagines]

micheal meyers fic if you still write for him? 🎃

I rlly liked your other fics with him, not a big fan of him being characterized as overly affectionate so I rlly liked your kinktober fics about him

something in a similar vein to that? smut or no smut is chill, just him being infatuated in his own creepy way

Michael Myers x male reader

Headcanons

Im happy you like my stuff :3c ive never imagined he was overly affectionate either, it just didn’t feel like it fit his character very much, ya know? No hate to the people who write that, I just like imagining him as a creepy guy, standing there… menacingly…

I think the only way you two could have met where you made a lasting impression is if you were somehow at the same asylum as him. Be it as a doctor or a patient. But I’ve never read a fic where the reader was one of the doctors, so that’s what we’re gonna go with here.

Joining up at smith’s grove sanitarium hadn’t been your first choice, since it was known as a pretty run-down place, that treated their patients more as prisoners than people. It may have been a place for the worst of the worst, but they were still people in your eyes.

You get Michaels attention by somehow wrenching his care from Dr Loomis’s hands, using all kinds of laws and loopholes to rip it from him and then running for the door pretty much. To you, what Loomis did should get him placed in jail and his license removed, as it could only have made his patients states worse.

Building a relationship with Michael is what many would call impossible. But you believed that every person had something special that fueled them, and just being treated like a worthwhile human being always seemed to do the trick.

It took months, if not years for you to really worm your way into Michael’s heart, or whatever was left of it. He hadn’t really had many positive male people in his life, something you also blamed Dr Loomis for, but over time he grew closer to you, in his own way.

To others it may seem like Michael was the same as always, but at this point you’ve worked with him so long that you know him. You can feel his attention follow you, even when you are on the other side of the yard where the patients get sunlight.

It’s no shock that you are most patients’ favorite, especially after you become head of the hospital, after a very long and stressful battle with those stuck in their old ways. It made you start cleaning house, getting rid of bad caretakers and methods to replace them with better ones.

You took it extremely seriously, and would have any so called interviewers or investigators removed from the premises, to not mess with your patients’ care.

You gain a bit of a reputation in the media at how incredibly cruel you can be to the people who wish to use and abuse your patients. Some call you crazy for protecting them, especially as everyone knows Michael Myers resides there.

But to you, it doesn’t matter. You have no spouse, no children, you haven’t talked to your family since you left home at 18, all you truly have is your job, so that is what you use your energy on.

And if a lot of that time is spent with Michael, then so be it. Having Michael actually emote or pay attention to you, is a big step in the right direction in your book. You can never get him to talk, but he does succeed in learning a couple of signs, though you suspect he only does it because he knows it makes you happy.

Later you would look back on Michael’s escape as something you blamed on yourself. Over the long time you had been his caretaker, you always made sure to be there on Halloween, since it was such an important date for him.

He never told you this, obviously, but you could tell. It just happened that you had needed surgery around that time, something you couldn’t put off as much as you wanted. If you wanted to keep caring for your patients, then you needed it done.

So, it truly shouldn’t have been such a surprise for one of your nurses to call you in a panic that Michael had somehow gotten out. Being bedbound, there wasn’t much you could do but give orders from home and watch the tv.

You didn’t technically live in Haddonfield, but you lived close enough that you could bike to town for groceries if you needed to, but also so you could drive to work without much issue.

Seeing no reports of murders outside the usual made you sigh and slump in on yourself. You had put off taking your pain medication, wanting to be clearheaded and aware, just in case you needed to be. And what else kept one clear in the head but pain.

As bedridden as you were, there wasn’t much you could do when you heard your back door open. You only knew it was that door, as it had a loud squeaky hinge you never got fixed, as it wasn’t like you used that entrance much.

Seeing Michaels looming stature shouldn’t have been a shocker either. What did amaze you to a certain, professional extent, was that he hadn’t put on his usual coveralls or mask, instead it was one you two had made together using safe materials.

There was no verbal or physical reply when you spoke to him, outside of a slight rise of tension in his shoulders when he heard you grunt in pain, as you turned to look at him.

You didn’t want to call the hospital, knowing just how volatile Michael could be. And you may have replaced many doctors and nurses, but they still feared him, all but you at least. The only thing you truly could do was speak to him, to make him stay so he didn’t go kill anyone.

Maybe it was the years of care you had given him, but Michael at some point moved closer, just staring down at you and the bandages around your stomach.

You had a feeling he wanted to poke it or maybe just unwrap it, but you had worked with him about other people’s pain tolerance. Michael still only seemed to care when it was you, but you put a lot of stuff in his notes about your professional opinion and growth.

There were worse caretakers than Michael. In all reality he wasn’t really a caretaker. A lot of it was just him standing by the door, in the corner, or right at the foot of your bed to watch you. Hed shuffle after you wherever you went in the apartment, even carrying you when you couldn’t move too much.

you had decided to heal enough to bring him back to smith’s grove when you healed enough, already knowing how violent Michael could be with other people.

To Michael though, this meant more than you meant. He wasn’t one to feel lust or much romantic attraction, but he was drawn to you and attached enough to just stay, to even bring you your pill bottles and water, like how you would to him at smith’s grove.

You theorized it made him happy, in his own way, to know he was helping in the ways he knew how. Another more paranoid part of your brain did worry about what he did when you slept, since the pain medication had that effect.

Nothing ever looked out of place, but you did catch him kneeling beside your bed on more than one occasion, just holding your hand. Or the times hed place your hand on top of his head so you would caress him.

It was inappropriate for a doctor to do such a thing with his patients, but Michael seemed calmer and more at ease when it was just you two. He couldn’t cuddle in bed with you, and neither did he seem to want to, but being held and coddle in small amounts seemingly worked for him.

Michael clearly wasn’t pleased when you took him to return to smith’s grove, but he actually came along without issue. It caused a whole media storm, but over the years you had mastered those too. As long as it helped your patients, then you would do it, to a certain extent.

And if giving Michael weekends at your place where he got to stalk you around your own property was what he needed, then so be it. you saw it as progress, in his own, weird way. Hell, Michael even started sitting and having dinner with you instead of just hovering. To you that was a win, no matter what others said.

[illiterateaffairs]

DISTRACTIONS IV | CATCHING FEELINGS

pairing: jamie tartt x f!reader (ted lasso)

rating: T

word count: 2,468

summary: you and jamie are a couple...a couple of besties with benefits! that’s definitely all this is. 

A/N: very excited about this one - even though its a little shorter! also wanted to let you all know since i have chapters planned out almost through the end of the season, i have this idea of revisiting chapters and writing “missing scenes” to fill some gaps, like within this one which you’ll see. let me know if you’d be into that?

distractions masterlist | previous chapter

After Jamie showed up at your door the evening following their loss to West Ham, you did not stop sleeping together. Two nights turned into three, and then into four. Once you passed five, you decided to upgrade your relationship to friends with benefits status. Jamie was honestly happy that meant you considered him a friend. 

The two of you usually hooked up after Richmond lost a game, which had unfortunately been happening a lot as of late. Sometimes Jamie would find you after a training session with Roy to relieve some tension. Occasionally you went to Jamie when you were feeling anxious about work or something reminded you of Mason. And while the team mourned the loss of Zava after he announced his retirement, Jamie was the happiest you’d ever seen him. (You think you might have had the best sex of your life that night.)

At some point, you’d added other locations to your repertoire, other than your bedroom and sometimes your shower. On rare occasions you’d meet up in your office for a quickie, or even Jamie’s car in the parking lot after everyone had left when you couldn’t wait to get home. Only once had you tried to spend the night at Jamie’s, but at the crack of dawn, Roy was banging on his door for another practice. That was the last time you did that. 

You had to admit, you got a thrill out of sneaking around. You’d gotten less skittish at the office, sharing secret looks with Jamie during practices. Rebecca was still the only one who knew. A week into your new arrangement, she’d inquired about your situation, which you explained. She still seemed weary, but less so because of Jamie and more so because she didn’t think a casual relationship was the best idea. If you’d asked yourself a year ago, you would have agreed. But now, you kind of enjoyed the lack of pressure surrounding your dynamic. Jamie was obviously very skilled when it came to sex, but he was also fun to be around. Your pillow talk conversations were often the highlights of your day. You’d talk about your days and vent when you’d need to. Sometimes you’d get little nuggets about Jamie’s life and childhood, and you’d let him in on some details about your life as well. The more you got to know him, the more you liked him.

As a friend of course. Rebecca also warned you that if feelings got involved in your situation, things could get messy. But you weren’t worried about it. Sure, you and Jamie playfully flirt from time to time, but you’d do that around the office in plain sight too. It was just Jamie’s thing. This dynamic you had was just innocent, casual fun. That’s what you two agreed to and that's what you wanted. 

Jamie was also enjoying your arrangement. Unbeknownst to you, from the second he saw you, he’d found you appealing. Though, when he’d found out you were working for the team, he thought any chance of hooking up with you was off the table. Then he assumed you were seeing Sam, and he would absolutely never interfere with one of his best mate’s relationship. But when he’d found out you were available, he’d crumbled under the pressure. He got to know you a little bit, which made it harder to initiate anything. That was until you initiated it that night in his car and he couldn’t have been more thrilled. He honestly hadn’t expected it to go further than that night, but he couldn’t resist you. You were addictive, and extremely good at distracting him. Not just when you were fucking - which was mind-blowing - but also during the in-between moments when you’d whisper to each other under the sheets.Your mere presence was so soothing, he wished he could be enraptured in it all the time. 

That’s honestly the worst part of your deal; that it was secret and he couldn’t just wrap you up and listen to you breathe whenever he felt anxious. 

The fact that you have such a hold on him only adds to his anxiousness, though. He knows that your relationship is strictly sexual, but platonic, and he’s not worried about wanting more than that. He knew he wasn’t exactly boyfriend material, and wasn’t sure if relationships were something he wanted, at least at this point in his life. But he couldn’t help being attached to you. No one’s ever been so kind to him; so attentive and gentle. So, while your arrangement may be fleeting, he wanted to soak up the affection while he could. 

That’s why he feels so off when he doesn't see you around the club today. 

The team had an early training time, so when he didn’t see you before, he figured you probably just hadn’t arrived yet. But then he didn’t see you around lunch time either. He nonchalantly asked Sam if he’d heard from you, as he spotted him while he lifted weights, but his friend hadn’t heard from you either. That didn’t sit right with him.

He tried texting you after that, not once but twice, but you didn’t answer. That was also out of character. He knew it bothered you when there were red bubbles over your apps, but you hadn’t even read the text. 

As a last ditch effort, he even found himself asking Colin or Isaac if they knew anything but of course they didn’t. 

Jamie was nervously staring at your text chain as he walked out of the locker room at the end of the day. Still nothing. Not looking at where he was going, he ends up running straight into Rebecca. He apologizes distractedly before taking another step towards the door, when she calls out to him. 

“She’s at home.” Jamie looks at her with a quirked eyebrow, so she clarifies by saying your name. “She called in sick so I gave her the day off.”

Though he’s grateful for the information, he fidgets nervously, “How did you…”

“She told me about you two, or rather I figured it out. But I haven’t said a word to anyone else,” she explains reassuringly, “Plus you’ve been wandering around like a lost puppy all day. Wasn’t hard to guess why.” 

Jamie flushes, but smiles tightly in thanks before wishing his boss a goodnight. On his way to run some spur of the moment errands, he wonders what kind of things you’ve told Rebecca. 

As the sun sets for the night, you’re finally forcing yourself out of bed. 

You weren’t sick sick. You were on your period, and this morning you’d woken up with a migraine and some of the worst cramps you’ve had in a while. It wasn’t uncommon for you to feel this bad every couple of months, but when it got this severe, there was no way you could function as a human being. So you made yourself persevere through the pain for a few moments to call Rebecca and explain the situation at hand. She was quick to suggest you stay home, and while you weren’t surprised, you still adored her for understanding. Best boss ever. 

When your pain is bad, you can only stomach so much food, so you just pick on things like crackers to hold you over. Now that it was nearing dinner time, and your headache had finally subsided, you were ravenous. You quickly search for nearby pizza places and select the first thing that comes up on Google and place a delivery order. 

While you wait, you curl up with a blanket on your couch and turn on one of your favorite Grey’s Anatomy episodes. You’re only ten minutes in when there’s a knock on your door. You begrudgingly stand up, impressed that your pizza had come so fast. When you pull the door open, you instead find Jamie standing there with a bag of groceries. 

“You’re not pizza.”

Jamie narrows his eyes at you, “And you don’t look sick.” 

Your shoulders sag, “Rebecca told you?” 

Jamie nods, “Yeah, I was worried. Wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

Your heart warms. You pull your door open wider, and he doesn’t hesitate to enter. 

“I’m sorry I worried you,” you shove your hands in your sweatshirt pocket awkwardly, “I’m actually not technically sick, just on my period, which I’m sure is exactly what you want to hear.”

Jamie surprises you by not visibly reacting to your admission.

“Damn, I wish I’d known that, otherwise I would have picked up different things.” he draws your attention back to the paper grocery bag in his hands as he sets it on your coffee table. He starts pulling out items as he lists them off, “I got you some soup, some tissues, a shit-ton of different medicines because I didn’t know what kind of sick you were. Some gummy bears, but that’s just cause I know you like those.” 

You try not to be overwhelmed by his thoughtfulness, “Aw, Jamie, you didn’t have to do that.”

He shrugs, not making direct eye contact, “Sorry most of it's not very helpful. Although, this might still work?” He pulls one last thing from the brown brag: a carton of Neapolitan ice cream. 

You gasp, immediately taking the item into your hands. “You are a saint. I will be saving this for later.” 

Jamie smiles as he follows you to the kitchen where you transfer the ice cream to the freezer. It's at this moment he also realizes you’re wearing one of his Richmond sweatshirts he must’ve left behind one night. He keeps this realization to himself.

“D’you say you ordered pizza?”

“Yeah. You’re welcome to stay if you want, there’ll be plenty.  

“Where from?”

“Uhh,” you scratch your head trying to recall the name of the place, “Pizzeria Pellegrini, I think?”

Jamie groans, “That place is rubbish, you should have ordered from Lucia’s.”

For some reason, a small smile makes its way on your face, “I’m sorry I didn’t consult you first, Mr. Pizza Expert.”

“Well, now you know,” Jamie pulls out his phone and begins tapping up a storm.

“Whatcha doing?”

“Ordering us a pizza from Lucia’s. You like pepperoni, right?”

“Jamie,” you gasp exaggeratedly, “I already ordered one. It will be here any minute.”

“Well, now you’ll have two, so save room. I’ll get express delivery. I need you to try both so you know which is superior.” he snickers and you roll your eyes, “Anything else I should get?”

You shake your head amusedly, but still ask, “Can you get me a side of ranch, please?” 

Jamie scoffs, “Aren’t you getting some with your first order?”

Okay, he knows you too well. 

“Yeah, but every restaurant has a specific ranch. I can’t have Lucia pizza with Pellegrini ranch, that’s insane.” 

He gives you a crazy look, “No, I think you’re insane.” 

“Look, I’m right and you’re just going to have to deal with it.” 

Jamie shakes his head, but bites back a laugh. He orders you a pepperoni pizza with extra ranch. 

As you lead him back to the couch, you catch him up on your evening plans of binging Grey’s.

“But we don’t have to watch if you don’t want to. We can watch something else, or…”

Jamie sits beside you on the couch and shrugs, “You’re the one feeling like shit, we can do whatever you want.” 

“Alright, then buckle up, Tartt,” you chuckle, pressing play on the remote.

As the episode continues, Jamie asks questions about what is happening and who the characters are. Normally, you’d be annoyed with the constant talking over the show, but you like that he seems genuinely interested. So you fill him in on what has happened in the episode so far, and some backstory for the characters. 

“Wait so there’s a bomb in that person’s body?” “Yup.” And then he’s hooked.

Both of your pizzas arrive at different points during the two-part episode, and you give in and admit his pizza place is better. You even let him share your ranch dressing. However, your eyes widen in horror when he goes to dip a piece of Lucia’s pizza into Pellegrini’s ranch.

“What the hell are you doing?” you exclaim, sitting up slightly. 

“I’m going to prove your theory wrong,” Jamie scoffs, shoving the slice into his mouth. 

You watch in anticipation and smirk in satisfaction when he frowns. 

“Okay, you’re right. This is wrong.” he immediately switches out the cups of ranch.

You bob your head up and down, “Yeah, it's sacrilegious.”

“Each ranch just compliments its own pizza so well!”

You press your hand to your chest and smile, “You get me.” 

After dinner, the two of you treat yourself to bowls of ice cream and settle back into the couch. Jamie lets you lay across it, while your feet rest in his lap. With Grey’s Anatomy becoming background noise, you two chat quietly. Jamie tells you about his day and how stressed out the team has been with all the losses.

“I’m sorry I can’t help you destress tonight,” you joke, referring to your usual nighttime activities that are being cockblocked by your favorite week of the month. 

Jamie chuckles, absentmindedly rubbing your ankle. “S’alright. Just being here’s made me feel better.” 

You look at Jamie thoughtfully as he continues staring at your television screen. Before you’re really aware of what you’re doing, you sit up and plant a light kiss on his cheek.

He turns to you a little caught off guard, but not bothered. “What was that for?”

“Just because.” 

You go back in for a kiss on his lips this time, and he immediately reciprocates. When you pull back, you give him a shy smile before laying back down on the couch, wrapping your blanket around you, and turning back to your comfort show. Out of your peripherals you can see a small smirk settle on Jamie’s face as he refocuses on Grey’s Anatomy as well. 

You’re proud that you pulled that off nonchalantly because inside you were feeling anything but. An uncomfortable feeling settles in your stomach as you come to the realization that that wasn’t just a casual kiss. You kissed Jamie because you wanted to, not just as a prelude to sex. All night he’d been attentive to your needs, genuinely interested in hearing what you had to say even when it was nonsensical ramblings about a show you liked, and just an overall sweetheart. The more you think about it, he was always like this when you two were together, even when he was teasing you. It didn’t help that he also looked especially good tonight. 

Holy shit, were you…falling for him? When you explicitly said you weren’t going to?  

Well this certainly won’t end well. 

A/N: this apartment scene and the car scene from part two are the first things i thought of and inspired this whole story :’) can’t wait to know what you guys think!

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[effy-writes]

HIIIII!!! SO I HAVE A REQ FOR A FIZZ X READER (you can add asmodeus too if you want) WHERE IN EP 6 READER GETS KIDNAPPED WITH BLITZ AND FIZZ :3

HIII SORRY THIS WAS PUBLISHED LATE IVE BEEN SUPER BUSY THE PAST COUPLE OF DAYS. and i didn’t know if you wanted the reader already be dating fizz or platonic or smth so i made it where fizz and the reader are best friends and they ended up confessing their feelings bc they thought they were gonna die at the end

and thank you for requesting! hope you enjoyed <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fizz x GN! Reader: Confessed

Ozzie knows that you and Fizz has been best friends since childhood, so he called you to go with Fizz to run some errands because he doesn’t want Fizz to go alone. Of course you said yes because you wanted to protect him, so you and Fizz were currently at the Greed ring.

“Fizz, you sure you wanna do that clown tryout thing? You know how Mammon is.”

“Ugh not you too. Did Ozzie tell you to come talk to me about it?”

“Well, maybe. But still, you look so stressed whenever you’re working with Mammon.”

“Don’t worry about me-”

He got interrupted by running into Blitz, like literally running into him. Since childhood you obviously hung out with Fizz way more than Blitz, (so of course, Blitz doesn’t like you as much. Well more like he doesn’t hate you as much as he hates Fizz).

“Oh, wow. Lookee who it is.” Fizz crossed his arms.

“Oh, fuck... You again...Y/n? You’re still hanging out with him?”

“I didn’t abandon him like the way you did.”

“I didn’t- you know what fuck it never mind.”

“Stalkin' me now, huh?” Fizz replied to Blitz.

“Oh, don't fuckin' flatter yourself, clown. I have my own life, y'know, without YOU in it.”

“Uh huh, sure! Blitzo.”

“The "O" is silent now, bitch! And gee whiz, we've been in each other's relative vicinity TWICE, in the last FIFTEEN YEARS! That would make me, THE SHITTIEST STALKER IN HISTORY!”

“Twice... IS ALREADY WAY TOO MUCH.”

You watched as the two bicker at each other. You were about to say something to cut this interaction off but all of a sudden the three of you were touching bodies. And in a blink of an eye immediately got slammed against the wall. The wall slamming knocked the wind out of you.

“Funny to run into ya again, "Blitzy!"” Striker laughed as he pulls out his knife and slides toward Fizzarolli, pointing it under the chin. “And with a famous friend...” Striker looked at you and tilted his head, “Who the fuck are you?”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“I asked you first!”

“I asked you second!”

“Oh, fuck me.” Blitz groaned.

“For the record, we are not friends.” Fizz announced.

One thing led to another. Crimson tied up the 3 of you, and put duct tape on Fizz’s mouth. You tried to break out of the ropes to protect Fizz but it was no use. Since you kept making a lot of noise Striker put duct tape over your mouth while Crimson was leaving a prerecorded message.

You realized that Crimson was going to send the video to Ozzie. Does Ozzie know that I’m here with him? Fuck..he’s going to be so pissed that I let this happened.

After the message, Striker ripped off the duct tape of your mouths and threw the three of you into a cage. Fizz stammers in fear while Blitz scoots back. You got closer to Fizz, trying to calm him down since he’s a little claustrophobic.

“Oh, chill out, jester. Christ on a stick, it's like you've never been tied up before!”

“Sure, but not by a bunch of psychos! And a piece of shit!”

“Am I...? Okay, am I the psycho or the piece of shit?”

“Both!”

“Yeah, that checks.”

“Instead of yelling at each other we need to find a way to break out!” You whispered.

“Y/n why are you with him anyway?” Blitz jabbed.

“We’re best friends.” You shrugged.

“And Fizz still didnt ask you out?

Fizz gulped, completely discarding this topic, “Ohh, playin' that card, huh? Ok... What about you? Seems your tastes have gotten more... "regal", lately. Heheh...”

“Yeah, well unlike you, I fuck who I want, when I want. I'm not gonna be tied down to some big blue-blood asshole.”

“You could've fooled me the way Princey was cozying up to you at Ozzie's.”

“Wait, you were at Ozzie’s? And on a date with the prince?” You interjected.

“Hey! Stolas only cares about having a rugged peasant raw-dog him into his mattress, it's nothing... y'know...It's nothing else...”

“Then why were you even there?” Fizz questioned.

“OTHER very important reasons, of course!”

You tried to wiggle yourself out of the ropes while in the midst of Blitz and Fizz arguing yet again. Hearing the way Fizz spoke about Ozzie made you have a pain in your gut.

Striker interrupted the discourse that was happening, and then proceeded to say all of the things wrong with the taboo relationships that Fizz and Blitz had with royal blue bloods. Obviously Fizz got defensive, which made Striker threaten him.

“Leave him alone!” You yelled out.

Striker glared at you and let go of Fizz, “Looks like you want him, don’t you?”

“Excuse me?”

“I see the way your face changed from pissed off to sadness once jester over here started talking about his boy toy.” Striker grinned sinisterly.

You glanced over at Fizz who had wide eyes, “No, I’m just sad because I have to be locked up in a cage with people who won’t stop fighting.” You said as a matter of fact.

Striker shook the cage before jumping down from it. You looked back at Fizz and softly smiled, not knowing on what to say without expressing your feelings for him.

You stayed silent as Blitz was finally able to get you and Fizz out of the cage, but once you guys all fell out and was met face to face with mafia members things got serious.

You and Fizz made a run for it while Blitz was fighting them off. “We have to help him.”

“What? No!”

“Fizz please. If we don’t we might die.”

Fizz didn’t want to help the person that stabbed him in the back, but he did wanted you to live. “Fine.”

And with that you and Fizz tried to kill off as many members as possible. Fizz doesn’t know how to fight, but you do know some fighting moves.

“What the fuck, Fizz?! How is someone this flexible, this useless in combat?! At least Y/n knows how to fight.”

“I’m a performer! I don’t do danger!”

With a few of the demons out for the count, Blitz, Fizz and you made a run for it.

“Well good to know you're still a wimpy circus puss that needs Y/n to protect you, sounds like you’re using them!”

“Where did you get that from!” Fizz yelled.

“Because ever since we were little they had to protect you! Especially after that accident!”

“AN ACCIDENT?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!”

“Guys we seriously need to stop arguing we HAVE to focus getting out of here!” You yelled.

“You didnt even sound grateful that Y/n was with you! And you were the one who wanted them and not me!” Blitz shot the mafia number that was coming from behind.

“I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME NOT WANTING YOU TO SEE ME! I WANTED YOU TO.” Fizz huffed, “I wanted my best friends to see me.”

All three of you guys had a look of realization. “Ohhhh.”

“Look, Misunderstanding or no, it's hard to just forgive you. It's been fifteen years and... That's so much time... But! I guess you didn't really ruin my life.”

“What, you're telling me getting blown up didn't ruin your life?”

“It was painful... and challenging, and y'know FUCK YOU STILL, BUT... It's not like I'm broken. And I now have someone who understands me and...” Fizz looks at you and softly smiled.

Blitz looked at you too, “Where were you in the fire?”

“I was with Fizz. He uh…pushed me out the way and he got blown up instead of me.“

Striker snuck up on you guys and got a hold of you three, “You been a pain in my ass long enough, Blitz. NOW, I'm gon' break you like a FUCKIN' HORSE!”

“Ohh don’t you dare talk sexy to me!”

“You're still on the horse thing?!” The two of you said.

Striker and the goons cornered you guys even more. “Fizz! Remember how you used to distract my dad so I could steal his booze?”

“I mean, yeah? Why?”

“Yeah well, I need to get up to that window there to bust us out.”

“Ohohooo! One distraction, comin' up!”

The moment Fizz started to perform you helped Blitz break out.

“Since when did you become a personal body guard for Fizz?”

“Since he saved me from that fire. I feel like I owe it to him.” You replied as you and Blitz created a tower of boxes to get to the window.

“I didn’t mean to blow him up, Y/n. I’m sorry that I did and it WAS an accident!”

“I know, I believe you. Don’t worry about it, okay? He’s doing good.”

Blitz used a blow torch to open the window. “I’m sorry I didn’t even try to contact you either. I was just..I don’t know.”

“Dude it’s okay. Stop apologizing- You just fucking dropped the blow torched.” You deadpanned.

“Fuck! Okay uh..give me those extremely convenient bombs.”

You turned around and saw them. “Oh, would you look at that.”

You guys set them around the window and took some steps back before pushing the trigger, making the window explode into a massive hole.

Fizz stretches up and allowed Blitz on his back while using his other mechanic arm to hold you and swung you guys out of the warehouse.

The whole building caved in as you three made a run for it while laughing. Your hand was still in Fizz’s, and since he can’t feel you assume he doesn’t know you guys are holding hands.

In the midst of you guys talking Striker grabbed the two of you. You stomped on his foot, but instead of him letting go you and Fizz, he only let go of you, making you drop and before you could get up and stepped on your neck, cutting off air flow.

“Y/n!” Fizz shouted.

“I'm THROUGH losin' these fights! This worthless little pet REEKS of his over-bloated master... I'll at least enjoy gettin' rid of 'im.”

Blitz sweats a little, then finally shooting the gas tanks, making them explode. Striker scurries away and the moment he did Fizz helped you up while you gasp for air.

“Are you okay!?”

You looked at your surrounding areas, flames all around you two. “Fizz! We’re going to catch on fire!” You screamed out.

Fizz tried using his mechanical hand to reach out to get you two away but it malfunction. “Fuck!”

“Fizz, I always had feelings for you since we were little and I really wished I said something before we die.”

Fizz saw Blitz hop onto a crane and hold his hand out to grab you guys. “We’re not going to die I promise, here hold on to me.”

You held onto Fizz as blitz swung you guys out of the fire and onto a safe area.

“YOU BLEW US UP AGAIN YOU PRICK!” Fizz yelled.

“I know. But this time I stuck around.” Blitz saw that you guys were still holding hands, “And I overheard Y/n express their feelings for you because they thought you guys were gonna die. So uh, congratulations! If I didn’t try to blow you guys up then Y/n wouldn’t have confessed SO, yall welcome.”

“Fuck you.” You and Fizz said in unison.

~~

Before you and Fizz met face to face with Ozzie, he wanted to talk to you. “I-”

You interrupted, “It’s okay if you don’t have feelings for me. I understand and it was very impulsive for me to say that. I know you and Ozzie-”

“We’re polyamorous. I want you in our relationship.”

“But what about Ozzie?”

“He won’t mind, in fact he’s always been telling me to invite you joining us because he knows I’ve had feelings for you since we were little.”

You smile out of relief and wrapped your arms around him to pull him into a kiss. “What are we going to say to Ozzie?”

“We’ll walk up in there and just tell him we’re in a relationship.”

“Are you sure he won’t mind?”

“Y/n,” Fizz placed his forehead onto yours so he could feel you, “Today he told me to ask you out. Everytime we hang out one on one he’s always telling me this. I’m just glad you were the one to say it first because I do NOT have the guts.”

“In my defense I thought we were gonna die, so if it wasn’t for Blitz we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” You kissed Fizz, “I love you Fizz, I really do.”

“I love you too.”

[thelampisaflashlight]

Dress Down

[Based on this ask I sent @iamthecomet , Rain is more than a little obsessed with the way Dew is dressed for their ghouls night out at the bar.] Below the cut.

If there's one thing Aether's good at, it's finding a decent bar in the middle of nowhere; He's like a bloodhound for booze, if such a thing could exist, and, while any place would do given how long it has been since the pack has gotten to go out in full force like this, he doesn't settle for anything less than the best.

"Best" being pretty much anywhere that can tolerate their loud, obnoxious asses for more than an hour before trying to kick them out.

Admittedly, though, this outing isn't exactly a celebratory one -some of them might be celebrating, but if they are, they won't dare to say it out loud- really, it's more of a means of destressing and perhaps unpacking a bit of the events that unfolded while they were on tour.

Sister Imperator's death, Copia stepping down from the title of Papa and stepping up to take his mother's place as Frater Imperator... Really, it's a mixed bag of emotions all around, and none of them are quite sure how to feel about, well... everything.

Least of all the older, more seasoned ghouls, who had already witnessed what "retirement" had meant for the previous Papas, though they were mostly hopeful that Copia would not meet the same fate as his predecessors now that his new position was solidified.

Mountain, for example, had breathed a sigh of relief seeing the placard on his office door change from Papa IV to Frater Imperator and not "Papa V", not quite ready to accept life under new leadership just yet.

Now nursing a bottle of lager, the earth ghoul has pressed himself into the corner of the cozy, red pleather bench he's sharing with Cumulus and Cirrus, looking more flushed in the face than expected after only one drink, but, despite appearances, the man's always been a lightweight.

On the opposite side, Swiss is talking to Aeon and Aurora in an animated fashion, hands gesturing wildly as he tells some tall tale or another that's probably only a hair away from the truth, and Dew can't help but roll his eyes when he sees the younger quintessence ghoul looking at the multi ghoul all doe-eyed, thoroughly enraptured by his story.

Personally, Dew's not really in the mood to be out on the town tonight, like Mountain, he's thinking a bit too much about what's to come, too stuck in his head about the what ifs and when's of the situation to really relax and enjoy himself.

He's trying though; Holding a sweaty glass of whatever cheap piss the bar had on tap, because- "No, Aeth, I'm not doing shots with you after what happened last time!"- he'd rather drink something closer to water than relive that experience again, he takes little sips, cringing at the bitter taste.

He's never been much of a beer drinker, he used to be, kind of, he was really more of a "anything that gets me wasted" drinker, but he's toned it down over the last couple of years to the point that certain types of alcohol just don't appeal to him at all anymore, beer least of all.

He gives a bigger sip and sticks his tongue out, hearing Swiss laughing at him from the booth, flipping him off when he sees him whisper the word "princess" under his breath.

"You should get something you'll actually like instead of trying to impress literally no one by drinking shitty beer." Aether says, slipping the glass from his palm and downing it himself, "Eugh, at least something better than this swill... Try a cocktail or something."

Dew grimaces, "Fuck no, I feel sick just smelling anything sweet anymore, plus I don't want a nasty hangover tomorrow..."

"Just switch it up, yeah?" Aether suggests, then whispers, "If you just want a fancy soda, I won't tell anyone else otherwise... I know it's hard not to drink when everyone else is."

"I appreciate that..." Dew says, giving his friend a genuine smile, "I'm okay drinking tonight, since it's a special occasion, kind of, just gonna take it easy though, ya know?"

Aether nods and claps him on the shoulder once before heading off to join the others, scooting a chair over to the table so he doesn't have to take a seat away from them.

Dew considers his options.

He could just order a fancy soda or a mocktail, Hell, the bar even had that weird canned water that looks like a tallboy can of beer, but he keeps the idea in his pocket for later, and instead orders himself the sweetest looking glass of rosé he can find on the drink menu.

He sips it slowly and lets the liquid coat his tongue.

Sitting at the bar with his drink, Dew can't help but feel like a bit of wallflower; Everyone else around him seems to be having a good time, and even went through the trouble of dressing up for the occasion and he's just...

Dew looks down at his outfit, at his lightly stained hoodie, his black skinny jeans with holes in the knees -and another, smaller one near his crotch that is subtly hidden by the black of his boxers beneath- that have seen better days, and his ratty Converse sneakers with dark smudges on the white rubber tips.

He doesn't exactly scream fashion when compared to Swiss, who's wearing a borderline gaudy silk shirt and tight slacks that leave little to the imagination, or Cirrus, who is absolutely rocking a very low cut shirt, braless, and jeans that could very well just be painted on with how closely they hug her curves...

...Or Rain, who took two whole hours to get ready and now looks like the goth nightmare queen of his fucking dreams.

Rain, who has been cozying up to the bartender for the last hour or so, giggling and batting his long lashes at her in an incredibly unsubtle way that is certainly NOT making Dew jealous whatsoever and-

"Aw, fuck."

Dew curses as a bit of his wine sloshes out onto his pant leg, not enough to lose his drink entirely, but enough for him to feel the splash of it against his thigh as it all seems to hit exactly where the rip in his pants is.

Standing up almost urgently, Dew makes his way to the bathroom in hopes of blotting up the mess before it can trickle down his leg and make it look like he pissed himself, but, as soon as he manages to slip inside and shut the door... he hears it open behind him just as quickly.

"You alright?" Rain asks, looking less concerned and more... Dew isn't really sure how to place the expression on the water ghoul's face.

Between his glamour and the make-up obscuring his familiar features, Dew's a little at a loss for what the face he could be making could mean, but the tone...

"I'm fine."

"Good."

Rain closes the door behind them and locks it in one swift motion, briefly walking over to examine the stalls before returning to Dew and-

"Rainy, what are you doing-"

-dropping onto his knees in front of him.

"You've been driving me crazy all night, baby." Rain purrs, running a hand down both his legs, pressing a kiss to his knee, "Dressed up all cute..."

Dew feels a heat creeping up over his face.

"Me? Cute? What, no, I'm..." Dew flusters, "You're the one that's driving ME crazy, Rainy. Look at you."

"Yeah?" Rain coos, "You like what you see?"

He leans back for a moment, putting himself on full display; The flouncy white shirt with the ruffled sleeves, the black corset, the lacy skirt rucked up to expose the black and white socks underneath, and Satanas, the heels...

Rain looks sinfully gorgeous, and here he is, on his knees, telling Dew that HE looks cute, no, there's just no way-

"Can I taste you, Gumdrop?" he asks, leaning in to squish his face against the wet patch on his inner thigh, inhaling deeply, "Please?"

What kind of man would Dew be to deny someone as pretty as Rain what he wants?

"O-Okay..." he whispers, and no sooner do the words leave his mouth, than does Rain's latch onto him, nibbling at him through the whole in his jeans, "Rainy!"

"Shhh..." Rain shushes him, "You have to be quiet, okay, sweetheart? Or do you want the whole bar to hear you, hm? Make a big scene of the door being locked and have them wondering what's happening in here..."

Dew groans as Rain moves to undo his zipper.

"You're so sensitive, you know that?" he teases, "I haven't even gotten my mouth on you properly and you're already ready to give me everything, aren't you?"

"Can't help it...You're just so... so beautiful..." Dew whines as Rain eases his pants and underwear down just enough to expose his ass -and disappointingly not his cock- to the cool air of the bathroom- "Rainy-"

"Said I wanted to taste you, didn't say which part~" Rain says, standing smoothly and bullying Dew up against the counter between the sinks, he stumbles a bit as the other tugs his jeans down further and flushes when the other drags him up with an almost comical, "Upsie-daisy."

Dew feels his back press into the mirror behind him as Rain forces his legs up in the air, and has to slap his hands down on the marble to keep himself from sliding down, "Really, this is-"

He doesn't quite get to finish his sentence before Rain dives in, earning a gurgled moan from Dew as he feels Rain's clever tongue lap at his hole.

"Not fair, Rain, I should be-"

Rain pauses, breathing hot, wet air onto his skin, chuckling, "You should be what? The one fucking me?"

Dew sinks into his hood a bit, mumbling, "Y-Yeah..."

"Hm... Let me think about it..." Rain pretends to consider Dew's request, then with a happy chirp, dismisses the idea entirely, "No, sorry, don't think so, love. Maybe later, but you're not the one who paid off the bartender to make people use the other restroom for the next hour."

"You d-did that...?" if Dew wasn't blushing before, he was certainly pinker than his rosé now, "That means-"

Rain leans over top of him, coming nose to nose with the ghoul on the counter, "She knows I'm fucking you? Yeah."

"Told her you were gonna spill your drink on yourself as an excuse to sneak into the bathroom with me in case she didn't believe me, and then you just happened to pour just a liiiittle bit of wine on your pants and run off..." he says, rubbing their faces together lightly as Dew feels Rain's long fingers tickle his sides, "...Just a tiny wave of my hand and just like that, you're all mine."

"You-"

"So if you think I'm going to let you top after all the effort I went through putting together this outfit and locking this place down, you are sorely mistake, mon cheri~"

"Oh no..." is all Dew manages to say before Rain sets about taking him apart with his mouth again.

It's not long before he's moved again, pressed against the wall, legs spread with his pants pulled down awkwardly to give Rain enough access to slam inside of him as he holds onto him for fear he might tumble onto the floor, unable to bring his legs together to wrap them around Rain's lithe form thanks to his strong arms holding them apart.

Rain is relentless as he pounds into him, and Dew feels the back of his head bump into the tile with every other motion, until Rain shows mercy and hooks one of his legs over his hip and cushions the blow with his hand.

It's a difficult position to maintain, and Dew's pretty sure aside from Rain's impressive grip strength, the other thing keeping him aloft right now is his dick, and something about that has Dew's brain going more than a little screwy.

He's entirely unprepared for when Rain cums inside of him, shockingly cold and a reminder that, right, even in his glamour, Rain's still a water ghoul, and his seed is nothing if not colder than the depths of Hell's frozen lake.

Dew shivers and latches onto Rain, curling against him in a desperate search for warmth, and he finds it in the gentle kisses Rain gives the side of his face.

"Come on, baby, your turn, your turn, Dewdrop."

It's hardly the most impressive orgasm he's ever had, but it's certainly one of the gentlest, and as he dully becomes aware of how he's managed to cum so hard he's painted the front of Rain's silly, flouncy blouse, he can't help but laugh a little.

"You're going to get punished for that later..." Rain clicks his tongue, "For now... gimme your hoodie."

"Can't..."

"Oh? Why not?"

Dew looks up at him coyly, "'m not wearing anything underneath it..."

Rain makes a hurt sound in the back of his throat, "If I'd known that, I would have insisted you took it off first... Oh well, let's see..."

He slides his phone out of his shirt, checking the time, "We still have another fifteen minutes..."

"Rain?"

"How about I give you your punishment now?"

"O-Oh-"

.

.

.

"Geezus, Froggy, you doin' okay, you keep looking like you're gonna fall off the sidewalk the way you're moving..." Aether sighs, pulling Dew upright as the shorter ghoul lurches forward for the third time on their walk home -none of the local cabs would take them... shocker- "I thought you weren't going to drink that much tonight?"

"Didn't..." Dew cringes, pinching his eyes shut and stopping entirely for a moment before regaining his composure, "...Remind me to get rid of these pants..."

Aether furrows his brow, then whispers, "Did you fucking piss yourself or-"

"No!" Dew shouts, drawing the sluggish attention of their drunken friends and one all too pleased looking water ghoul, lowering his voice, "No... It's just... Rain... Inside... and it's..."

The quintessence ghoul looks between Dew's flushed face and Rain's smug grin and puts two and two together easily, "While we were at the bar-"

"No, while we were walking home just now- Yes at the fucking bar!" Dew hisses, "...Twice."

"Rain!" Aether calls over to the ghoul, earning a panicked, squeaky, "Whatareyoudoing-" from Dew before the ghoul motions for him to come over and, "Take some responsibility and carry your boy home, will ya??"

And that's how Dew finds himself hoisted up onto Rain's back -thankfully not fully up onto his shoulders- and, in a way, getting to be on "top" for the first time that evening.

Swiss, despite being piss drunk, takes time out of his busy schedule -trying to climb every light post they pass by- to walk beside them and tease him about just that, albeit none the wiser to the events that unfolded in the bathroom.

[sonikkublue]

goin on here to rant so most my ppl dont see, im not that active here anyways so who cares, i sure dont. my year has dragged me to my lowest point till ive become sucidal again. i dont like thinkin abt it but its there

i want to quit. i want to quit friends, i want to quit art, i want to quit everything. everything. including my au. i want to drop dead off the internet and prob go kill myself or reflect or smth. idk, one of those is better than the other, but again i dont know. everything is always hurting and ive been so numb to everything since this year has started, its only gotten worse. my friends arent makin this any better either

im done bein used, im done getting manipulated, im done seeing ppl favor one another right in front of me, im done w/ ppl not listenin to me when i try expressin smth im struggling w/, even if it wasnt much or none at all. i dont even vent a lot or at all. why?? cuz no one ever fucking listens, gets mad at me while i try talkin, pushes my issue away w/ another topic immediately. they my friends act more excited towards the other everyone else gettin smth meanwhile i get lil to none. i recognize im not gettin appreciated as everyone else in my friend group, like they're uninterested in me anymore. that they dont care. ive tried bein positive, i cannot. my friends have offered and offered and offered for me to talk to them if im ever bothered- "u can always talk to us if smth wrong" or smth like that...ok?? last time i broke down in call, one of my friends was playin cookie run to distract themselves, so they werent even fully listening...another time i just got flat out ignored, my issue got pushed aside by another art topic, "damn". NO ONE FUCKING CARES. i already know the cycle. too many times ive lived thru it and im only enabling it by gettin vulnerable. at this point, i cant trust my own friends cuz its so hard too believe them when they keep doin the same thing to me over and over. they're trying to prove smth to me to make me think they care. i dont fucking believe it cuz no one has ever shown care back for me, regardless of how much i give to them. theres that word again. i give so fucking much, and i hate myself for bein this way. most of the time i wish my au didnt blow up cuz its put so much pressure on me like the new friends that came and left in my life, me realizing i have to maintain an audience... idk, maybe im a lost cause. i cant do any of this anymore. i want to die. i dont like thinkin it, but i want too. theres so much stress, so much unbearable stress and anger. and no one will fucking care. ive been hurt by my own friends too many times. i dont say anything cuz its just gonna happen all over again, no how many times i *try* and bring it up to them, they will not fucking listen. no one ever fucking listens to me. i didnt like makin friends from the beginning, ive loved bein alone from the start, but everything happens naturally...unfortunately

i give and give and give and i get absolutely nothing back. im all used up.

idk everything fucking sucks rn. i didnt have to worry abt all of this when i was a smaller acc and i had myself. thats all i needed. now im just miserable. im depressed, sucidal thoughts are everyday, i cry to myself everyday and night cuz of it, im stuck living w/ this thing i made out of my pure "imagination" and that same thing almost made me kill myself one time, ive almost killed myself twice a couple months back- one in my parents bathroom and almost sneakin out of my window to wander away from home.

one day im goin to leave, and im not gonna say a word

[gynandromorph]

in my mother's defense of not euthanizing the dog (really not defensible anyway): the last pet she had put down was a senior cat a month after my sister adopted him. he suddenly went into liver failure, and he SCREECHED until he was dead when they put him down. i wasn't there, but it was apparently awful, the two techs who were doing it were like scared and crying and said that isn't supposed to happen. it is far from unheard of for an animal to scream while being euthanized -- you can find hundreds of stories from pet owners online who are deeply traumatized to have tried their best to give their family member the most peaceful and painless death possible only to experience something agonizing and terrifying. i was scared of it with mawkish, but i knew that the alternative was also agonizing and terrifying. it is more likely for the euthanasia to go as expected than for the animal to have a reaction. she was upset being jabbed by a needle in her thigh for the sedative. she huffed and stomped away and didn't want to lay down near the vets. but it kicked in in about 40 seconds (it was supposed to be 10 minutes). i was relieved if not heartbroken that all it took was about 2 minutes of a sedative for her to die. i think that with an IV method, it is probably more likely to distress the animal. they did put the IV in her, and struggled, but she was not conscious by that point. my mother felt deep regret for not putting her dog down before the cancer did the job for her once she got to sit with my dog during her euthanasia and see how gentle it is supposed to be. presumably, the cat prior to that had been her only experience with having a pet medically euthanized. we weren't there for it, but my sister's dog, who was euthanized within a couple of weeks of mawkish's euthanasia, was also very calm and uneventful, despite the fact that it was at the vet's office. her dog was apparently having a very good day and was very happy while being euthanized -- she'd just gotten to eat a ton of fast food when she'd previously had no appetite for months and months. but that's all a detour. the point is that prior to her dog's death, my mother's only experience with euthanasia was a pet screaming in pain until the life left its body, and i think she deeply regretted ever contributing to a death like that. i think she was afraid of having another traumatic memory like that burden her, especially one of a pet she'd had for 17 years. she also broke down with regret that she didn't have the dog put down after seeing a more normal euthanasia process. it doesn't make me less angry, but i do think there is more complexity to why she made the decision to let the dog suffer. i also think not many people are aware that your pet may scream, may very much seem like they are in pain or distressed while being put down. i think the lack of foreknowledge makes it even more traumatizing

[benjisblues]

Help I can’t stop thinking about a chronically ill transmasc Dean Winchester.

In my head, he will periodically have these spells where he gets really lightheaded and nauseous and cold. It’s not just like a little cold, it’s like chilled-to-the-bone cold. No matter what he does, he can’t stop shivering, and when it gets really bad, his limbs jerk and his teeth chatter. Now as an adult, he knows that feeling cold is his tell for when he isn’t feeling well. He takes it as a sign that he needs to go slower or to chug his Liquid IV.

Maybe the first few times, John took Dean and his illness seriously. The three of them were preparing for a funeral for some hunter, and as he’s going into the shower, he passes out. He’d been complaining of feeling strange long before that, but John hadn’t wanted to listen at first. Upon finding his son though, he cancels his plans and rushes a 7 year old Dean to the hospital, with Sammy in tow. And despite the bloodwork and the brain scan, no one has any answers. Inevitably, it happens again, and after a couple similar visits, John starts to dismiss Dean’s problem unless the boy is passing out in front of him again. It’s always gone away before, right? Just go to bed, quit your whining.

When Dean starts to get his period, the shame of it nearly consumes him. This is a way that he was different from his father and brother, and he couldn’t help but feel like the blood he found in his underwear was also staining his hands somehow. But to make matters worse, his episodes come back tenfold during that week. There were so many times where he was incapacitated for the most of that time, plagued by intense vertigo and sometimes vomiting. The focus of his chronic illness shifted, at least with Dean’s brother and father. It became a “woman thing” and that made it some sort of inconvenience to them. It doesn’t help that during this time, he was still expected to care for Sammy to the best of his ability. John would be furious if his little brother wasn’t cared for, even when he was doing his best with their limited food and money.

By the time Dean starts transitioning, John is not in his life anymore. They have a falling out, and the young man decides to go out on his own. For a while, he considers himself to be a different person than the one who had been so weak and helpless and sick earlier in his life. The testosterone gel he uses eventually takes away his periods, and he begins to pass out and feel unwell less and less. As his condition improves, doesn’t want to remember the horrors of his past, so he shoves them down. He parties and has fun, enjoying his new life as the person he’s been all along—Dean.

Somehow, Dean and Sam reconnect and become part of each others lives in a big way for a brief amount of time. Maybe Sam needs a place to stay the summer between his last year of undergrad and graduate school. The gender change is a shock, but Sam recovers pretty quickly. It hadn’t been like his older brother had been the most girlie person he’d known, and Sam can tell that he’s more himself than maybe ever. Dean is in his mid twenties now, and he is having a hard time running from his past when the baby brother he’s been forced to care for his whole life is in his grown up space. Of course he’s happy to see his little brother, but even with the trans thing aside, it’s hard. One day over breakfast, Sam asks, “do you ever pass out anymore, or have you outgrown that?”

This sends Dean into a spiral because he’s forgotten about that whole weird thing that had happened. Of course, it still didn’t make a whole lot of sense to him—it hadn’t at the time either—but he decides to just take this information at face value: he used to pass out sometimes, but that was behind him now.

Dean is approaching thirty when the symptoms come back again. In the meantime, he and Castiel met. They began dating, then moved in together. At this point, the two of them have been living together for three years. Dean has just gotten over being ill a couple of weeks ago when the bone-rattling cold comes back. There was very little warning, and he and Castiel had been eating dinner. They had to stop so that Dean could lie down. The violent shaking made Castiel concerned, and he pleaded with Dean to let him take him to a doctor. Dean refused, remembering vaguely that he’d been here before and that he would be okay probably. As he predicted, it passed.

As months passed after that time at dinner, Dean found himself feeling more frequently unwell again. He hadn’t passed out again, but the shaking was ramped up. He began to feel a little disoriented when it happened, too. Castiel encouraged him to see a doctor, and they began the process of narrowing down what the cause was. In the meantime, they figure out that LiquidIV takes his symptoms down a notch, and he begins hoarding the stuff. Despite the fact that things feel out of his control, begins to be able to manage what is happening to him to an extent now.

[cugzarui]

watched episode 3

i think this show might be bad at female characters. i tried to be fair to gwen when analyzing her because i felt i might be bad at analyzing female characters but now that ive seen three episodes i realized its not just me. this show has basically NO female characters whatsoever. so far theres been gwen and...bens teacher? who is shown exactly twice for a whopping screen time of like two minutes and three lines. and thats. that's about it. theres like literally, no i think there's ACTUALLY, no other female characters so far save for an extra or two.

i cant even blame this on the show being from the 2000s cuz avatar the last air bender is *verifies online* yep from the exact same year and yet has a bunch of prominent female characters that are actual unique characters rather than just archetypes. phineas and ferb aired just a couple years after ben 10 and also do well for female characters. im pretty sure even spongebob does better than ben 10 here.

i didnt notice it the first time watching but its a little bizarre now that i did. in modern shows it's incredibly common for not just female characters but characters from all sorts of groups to be in any and every role. its a point of pride even as shows try to be as inclusive as possible. there is still some of that in the 2000s but not nearly as much. female leads for instance would be unusual in a show not explicitly made for girly girls (example: club winx. totally spies). but it would be standard to include at least one girl character (the token girl), and would not be at all unusual to include girls in other roles as well. ben 10 though just said "no thanks" and basically only included the token girl. bens and gwens bickering now becomes funny on a meta level cuz even the characters arnt happy that shes there. well except max anyway. ben literally asks what shes even doing there like he knows this isnt the show for her, and honestly? maybe we should've gotten that lucky girl spinoff. maybe she wouldve been better served by having her own show that actually knew how to write women.

i dont have much to say about the actual episode.

its a typical ben 10 adventure. it is the first time ben couldnt just punch his way out of a problem though, as theres a whole thing of who is the real bad guy that he has to figure out first. a mystery episode, and its a decent mystery as well, just not unusual for the ben 10 franchise. but i guess that's probably because this is one of the episodes that would set the precedent for how the show is written.

i would say the fight scenes and fight choreography in this show is top notch, and the animation in general. which i forgot to mention in my last post. but the fight with the kraken is one of my all time favorite fight scenes.

also max isnt as selfish in this episode so maybe i was too quick to judge him

and that guy...captain...shaw? sho? sh-never mind. exposition guy. i like him. hes a good true neutral character. he aint a bad guy but he can be trouble and you gotta watch out for him. he dont respect authority and he aint no snitch. hes unlikeable enough i dont root for him but i like him around. honestly maybe he shouldve been in more episodes.

[jayflrt]

🎀 update since it’s been a while

haiiiii i haven’t been on tumblr in 5ever. i feel like im only ever on here now when u update LMAO. speaking of LIVING for jay/yn. it’s AMAZE. i’m also every excited for the next update. but anywho how have you been! we haven’t spoke in forever i really can’t remember what my last update was abt so im just gonna skim thru things!

like since the start of this year ive been SUPERERRR into f1 so i made a podcast! (podcast in question is my cf on my spam account 🥸) 😅😅 i’ve always liked it because my brother did but i’ve gotten more into it. i also took a listen to romance untold and it’s SO good my favs r defff moonstruck and royalty 🔥.

lowk this summer has been chill like any other. i went to a couple parties with my friends but then after that not much happened. there’s no guy updates bc unfortunately my life is no longer a wattpad story because that was very hard on my emotions 😅😅. i’ve lowk sworn off relationships for a while. obviously not completely but i don’t know recently a friend pointed out to me that whenever im in one its very tolling on my emotions and it’s not good so i don’t want that to happened again. i was also just not in a good place when arsal/cameron/marcus happened. REST ASSURED I AM BETTER NOW!!! #weUP

about my friends it’s going nice! we’re kinda doing our own thing since it’s the summer however one of them, m (i think i name drop too comfortably on here), recently started talking (ish) to a guy and she’s kinda obsessed with him. like it’s in a weird way in where she full blown cancelled plans that we made like 5 days prior just bc she had last minute plans with him so 😃😃😃😃 i’m so happy for her!! (NOT). i have to be honest there’s nothing wrong with him other than the fact he looks like he SNUCK ONTO EARTH WHEN THEY FIRST WALKED ON THE MOON. so 🤗🤗🤗🤗

i have been writing a LOT more recently. like not even just because it’s kpop i don’t know i get the inspiration to write and just open a google docs document. like for instance one of them the plot is mc breaks up with sunghoon and becomes closer to heeseung but plot twist! they’re in a band and there’s DRAMAA 🔥🔥🔥. and then another one is where mc and jake r ENEMIES bc her dog tried impregnating jake’s dog at a dog park 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥. one of them is a sunghoon fic that’s heavily inspired by cmbyn (MINUS THE GROOMING) the other is a jay prank call au where he calls her bc he remembers his highschool sweetheart and she doesn’t even spare him a thought 🔥🔥🔥🔥. there’s a single dad sunghoon au somewhere in there. MY GOOGLE DOCS IS COOKING.

however i don’t think i could ever post it to tumblr. maybe one day when anyone is interested ill send in a little snippet of one of them 🤗 or dm u one of them and reveal my identity 😮😮😮😮😮😮😮. but i don’t know! i’ve tried writing on tumblr before but i was in highschool when i tried soooooo. i also think that im just too busy. maybe one day when im not so busy 🔥.

but yeah that’s really it 🤗🤗. but update me if anything cool is happening in ur life. r YOU having a hot girl summer. i also think u said you went on a trip recently (?) IDK. but pleeeekkk update me - 🎀

hihi 🎀 anon !! omg please i'm honored you're sticking around to update me 🥹 they're MUCH appreciated i love reading them <3 and thank you sm for tuning into yfi786 🥰🥰

omg i have a few friends who are super into f1 too!! the races look like they must be so fun to go to :') YKWW the close friends story podcast is always sm more fun to tune into than an actual podcast 🙂‍↕️ my fav rn is brought the heat back it's just been playing in my head 24/7 and that vocal run from jay hello!!!! moonstruck and royalty are SO good though they're definitely up there for me too

i'm glad your summer's been chill !! it's always nice to just have time to unwind before getting back to the uni grind 🥲 honestly relationships/situationships can take so much out of you mentally so i'm glad you don't have to feel that way anymore!! and im glad you get to spend the summer with your friends 💗

OMG NOOOO YOUR FRIEND NEEDS TO RUN FOR THE HILLS 😭 why would she cancel your guys plans like that?? LMFAOOO PLS we're always losing an angel to an ugly man 😞💔 no that's so upsetting tho :( i hope she gets over him he's not worth cancelling plans with friends over!!!!

omg wait SLAY 😌 the rush of writing inspiration always feels so so good and i hope it lasts a long time for you!!! HELP NOT THE DOGS MATING AT THE PARK 😭 but okay i see you grinding through those plots!!! 🔥 the google drive is being FED and oml if you ever feel like sharing,, my asks are open 🤭 also yeah that makes sense!! i don't bother with aesthetics because it's just sooo time consuming,, like don't get me wrong i'd love to have a super cute theme and stuff but it's def a lot of work :')

omg yes i went on a little trip with my friends :')) we did that thing where we pulled our vacation plan out of a hat LMFAO but it was fun!! i'm very sick of flying tho! 🫤 NO hot girl summer just hot corporate slave summer 😩 i have been trying to pick up new hobbies though because i just dropped my habit of doomscrolling on tiktok 🤧

[shushthisaintmytumbla]

I guess its the Summer Solstice so here we are again! 6/21/23

Wow I knew I neglected my last pot but here we are back even later than the last one! Like i say everytime it is wild to see how much has changed in my life the past couple of years. Ups down and everything in between I come back to this spot everytime and see the growth I’ve made. All by myself. All for myself. I cant always see it but moments where I read back on the past I am brought right back to those moments and never lose sight of how I felt in the past. 

I keep seeing on TikTok that today is a Summer Solstice meaning it is a great opportunity for manifestations so lets try this out why not! I guess I’ll start by giving a quick synopsyis of my life from the past 10 months or however long (wow sorry I abandoned this for that long!!!!)

Lets start with Work. I am still at the same OI job and feel like I have grown sooo much. I cant say im perfect at my job, but I know I have made a shit load of progress that i’m very proud of. I shifted off of working with my mngr which has made the biggest impact on my happiness at the job. I was going from having weekly panic attacks to not even having to review a single email anymore. I am really proud of myself for treading through the mud and getting to the point where I am at now. Now for the manifestation segment. I am going to get a promotion soon. This SUMMER! I FEEL IT. I am such a hard worker and really have gained the experience to move up in the company. I am confident it will happen in the next couple months. I cant wait to come back here and tell you all about it. It will be my first real promotion at a job which is something that I’ve really wanted to achieve since I havent gotten to this point at any of my previous jobs. You got this Case. 

Now for relationships. Tricky subject and yep you guessed it D is still around. I have tested a coupe other relationships with E and A and C... but somehow D makes it through the motions of every single season. I do want to touch on E for a sec. I have grown to build an amazing relationship with him, but I havent seen him for a few weeks and I feel like the relationship is starting to fade. Im sick of getting 100% and then a week later not even 1%. I am fully aware it has nothing to do with me and more so his own struggles, but I do need to realize at the end of the day that its ok to want more from someone and he cant give me what I need as much as hes shown me how I can be treated in a healthy way. He’s the boy Ive always dreamt of how someone can treat/care for you, but this story just isnt ours at this point in time. Who knows what the future holds. Now D. Oh boy. As we all know its been a fucking roller coaster. I have felt the highest of highs w him and the lowest of lows. I do hold love for him (but not so sure ive ever been in love... idk what that even is lmao). We’ve gotten to a point where I feel like I have been holding my power for quite some time now. I don’t have the same anxieties as I had for him in the past and i don’t prioritize him over others. We’ve tried not speaking (jan 2023) for a couple weeks and ultimately he just came back and I allowed it. I cant cut him out of it killed me. It’s so fucking hard. I am working on figuring out his place in my life and how we can carry on without hurt, but I feel like I am slowy falling back in the trap/cycle. We had a really nice day together the other weekend and I felt those anxious attachment feelings creeping in... I need to remember the things that have happened and try to prepare for the worst, but is it crazy to say that what if we are meant for each other? The other day I was able to imagine being in a relationship with him and it shocked me how I felt so good the whole day. Idk prob the worst thought ever but.. idk.. why are we magents to each other? Lastly I wanna touch on friendships and new york life. My friends here are still the same (but Karina now lives in Miami) and I love them so much, but I’ve been feeling myself longing for my relationships in LA. There are many weekends where my friends here are out of town and I feel left alone many times. In LA I would have the comfort of my family when friends arent around, but theyre 100s of miles away from me. I really miss them so fucking much it hurts. I think the longer I am away the more and more I realize how special my family is. I especially feel bad being away from my mom. She asks me nearly everytime we talk when I’ll come back and little does she know I’ve been toying with the idea of returning once my lease is up. If not that I think I have 1 year left in me. It still shocks me to say it and feel confident in that, but I really miss my family. Thats truly the only thing pulling me back bc I love this city and who I have become here so damn much. Im not putting too much pressure on the decision as I still have 10 months on my lease, but it is in the back of my mind. I feel like I’ll lead myself to the right choice soon though. So much would change though. I told D the other day about the idea and he said he would be so sad which kinda surprised me. It would be the end for us if I did move back which im not sure is a good or bad thing. Sometimes I tell myself the love of my life is not here and I wont meet them till I move back lol. Im not sure where the future is gonna bring me, but im confident in myself to do what is right for me. Leaving my friends here would also be horrible, but at the end of the day if they are the friendships I believe them to be, we will still be as close as ever and planes exist!! I guess thats kinda it for now. But this is still the start to an amazing summer with so much fun in store I can feel it!!! I have a trip to the shore coming up next weekend and then im going back home for my bday end of july - aug. Later in the summer I am going to portugal with my family!!! and something BIIGGGG is gonna happen in the fam :o Cant write it in words here till it happens. Until then, I love you. Im proud of you. and life is always working out in my favor. <3  Love,

C

[everydaydg]

Big ball of life!

A neat update on what ive been up to lately because im bad at posting things when its not 11-12 in the morning. just a big ol ramble

Big apologies to all my mutuals that are not awake at the hours of the day haha...

So! A couple oooooof things!

I tried the Chicheme Boba!! (and went to the mall)

I went to the mall around 5pm the other day, sun was setting but I had something planned out.

A nice 128GB sandisk usb, at just 10 bucks

what a fucking deal! ive wanted one of those for my wii since I hacked it!!

So I walked all the way there, went to the new tech store they opened up in the place; a nice guy then went and pointed me in the right direction (despite... going there like 3 days prior so I already knew where it was lol) and picked up the USB, all of that went without a hitch

So that was all done, my main reason to go to the mall was done but then I realized "Oh hey I have like 15 bucks at hand, I can proly get myself a used vita game! The game store usually sells stuff at like... 12 bucks? should be fine!"

... it was 20 bucks... but hey! I know where to find a copy of walking dead and wipeout haha

So I was going back to the entrance a lil thought peeped my interested... that chicheme boba... I had posted about it when I was eating shawarma... man it was tempting but I didnt get it that day. Temptation struck me again on the way out and I was too weak

And so I bought it... a large one too because... again it was in the budget and I dont buy boba ever so might as well make it a real treat to remember.

god it was so fucking big it lasted me all the walk back home... and my god was it delicious but maybe I shoudnt have added pudding

never tried pudding on boba so I wanted to give it a shot and it wasnt bad! but having the corn of chicheme, the bubbles themselves and the pudding was a bit much to chew on

But as for the flavor itself, the nice taste of chicheme and the sweetness of brown sugar boba, two of my favorite drinks combined into one sweet delight.

What a treat it was! (Again prolly shoudnt add pudding if im going to order it again but man it was great)

What a wierd product to sell. It does feel like a cheap way to pander to panamanians by making boba with a popular traditional drink... but shit man im the target audience, I know they were gunning for someone like me to drink the corn tapioca nightmare and I am me god damm it

it was nice 8.5/10

(man that usb is really dang nice...)

I had a grand day at the park today!

I love going to the park. Its basic as hell but there is nothing more delightful to me than getting a good walk outside. I do spend alot of time cooped up in my house because theres always hobbies to mess with and I dont have much to do at any rate

but that doesnt mean I dont like going out.

Whether its taking a walk through the city or going to the park, its always a delight but today I chose a nice walk through the park to see what had changed since I last visited!

Went out early, made breakfast and then got out before the sun started to get violent.

oh my did a couple of things change alright, to start. the devil found his way in heaven

was greeted by the... sight of a PRIME vending machine... I dont think the two people behind that drink are very good peopleeeeee and I dont care for that kind of beverage soooooo... eh

not gonna throw a hissy fit over it tho.

Now! something cool!

Theres a chinese lantern festival going on in the park till early february!! Man it was really lovely seeing all the stuff they had set up!! I didnt take alot of pictures haha but was very much enthralled with this fish and snake

Oh man I should visit at night! would make for a wonderful experience

(neat stickers)

I had a hell of a good walk going around the park. The sun might have gotten mean but man that didnt't stop me from having a lovely time!

(Man looking at this thing after being in this website for a few years now... some people would fucking murder for the kink water fountain... I speak to too many people that would be into this sort of thing...)

After a solid bit I was a bit tired of walking so I thought id go and check how the library was doing! The park just has... a fucking library in the middle of it because why not and I love it. its a lovely place. I visit it semi frequently when im bored... havent renewed my library card in years tho...

Man they had old Guinness record books... man the 2000s one was in all silver and everything... didnt give it a read tho, wasnt feeling like it.

I thought libraries having software was but a myth but... no they did have software arround, that was funny.

Their internet lounge is FUCK ASS OLD DUDE

THOSE COMPUTERS ARE THE SAME ONES IVE SEEN FOR OVER A DECADE...

I wasnt feeling like reading something heavy either, so I picked out something light that caught my eye, right next to a book about taking good care of iguanas... a book dating back to the 70s about cats.

Pola Weiss - The Most Beautiful Cats

Translated to Spanish.

Good god, the poor bastard had no cover anymore, with so much use it was faded, it was but a white slab... or maybe it was printed that way? what an odd choise, you'd think they would want to show a cute kitty in the cover like the english release but... they didn't for the translation???

(Picture of original release)

only way you could tell what book was even about was with the spine of the thing which surprisingly lasted all those years

I know its a bit silly to pick a book of this nature when going to a library with a lot of genuinely useful references for a lot of material id love to invest time in and a bunch of novels I genuinely want to read... but sometimes you want something simple. Digestible. I was already a bit tired from all the walking...

There is no shame in reading a book about cats , there is but a simple joy in reading a book that shows how even 5 decades later... we still love cats. It is good to challenge yourself but there is no shame in taking comfort in a simple delight

And what a delight it was indeed, what a lovely book. you can tell Ms. or Mr. Polla loved cats very much utilizing such fun ways to describe the furry beasts.

Cats and their kittens being described as a mother and their children.

Pola pretty much just referred to kittens as little children that love to play and that children would love to play with... if it wasn't because of their sharp claws.

the first section is just called "Cats, the great philosopher". Its lovely!

Reading about stories and legends of how cats came to be is so silly and fun. I even found out that kitties are blind for 10 days because they dont have the strength to open their eyelids

I didn't finish it sadly but ill gladly go back and read more.

So after getting my fill of cat reading, I picked up my bag and bottle of water and headed off but I noticed something neat

"Hemeroteca"

I genuinely had no idea that bellow the main floor had one of those.

I thought that floor was storage because of how many ladders and pots where down there... genuinely didnt look like a floor anyone should go to haha...

It was a archive of newspapers!

they had a bunch of articles on Martyrs' Day, some encased in glass covering anniversaries of the date through time... man... same building where you can read about someone's passion of cats, you can read archives of mayor historical events that shaped the country... man its going to be 61 years since that happened...

60 years later and the students who fought to have the flag in the zone of the canal are not forgoten, theres something beautiful in history... man... reading a story like that in an age where a dumb fuck can just go on and say he can take away the whole canal...

...

Listen. I like to be a simple blog that tries to stray away from heavy topics, as a form of escapism for anyone that follows and for myself... but lets not be ignorant of how things are going. I know you've heard about it enough... I'm terrified.

I post about silly things as a way to not get depressed and keep remembering that yeah, I love the world... even if the people in it can be... so fucking stupid sometimes.

Hey... its not all bad news, outside of the US there's a lot of wonderful things happening. The world is advancing always and that's beautiful... lets live to see more.

It will pass. as all things do.

Lets live to tell history, ok?

Let's live.

-

After a long day out, I walked back home and relaxed with some Wii games with that new USB stick. happy to live another day.

and that's just... a lil ball of life of mine. a big ramble from the guy behind the screen.

Not alot of proof reading on my behalf... sorry... im pretty tired hehe...

Well then. Good night everyone and sorry if it got a bit heavy by the end there.

[sandpitturtlescove]

not exactly a vent but it's just kind of a long winded kinda nonsensical and personal ramble so . under the cut it goes

i guess cause this year is about to end the existence has decided it's reflection time? this year has simultaneously been one of my best and one of my worst, so much has happened both good and bad and like . eye dee kay im just thinking, this was the year we discovered we were plural in the first place after all. there's things to look forward to in the future, uncertainties both good and bad and things we need to move on from

and with talking about things we need to move on from... it's been 7 months since i broke up with my ex and while ive moved on from her we still haven't really . gotten over it? we still carry the weight of everything that happened, i still have memories that get triggered at random that make me look back on everything, i still think about the what ifs and the what could have beens if i communicated better or if i saw the red flags earlier or whatever. ya know one of the last things we did was add pluralkit to our shared server? if we had literally just slightly more time together she could have gotten to know more headmates... and she could have done so much more damage than she did already with just me and kinito. that's one of the what ifs that haunts me the most, or what if i was still with her when (insert headmate here) formed, what would have happened then? especially since we've formed a lot more masc headmates since then, would she have tried to get with them too? what would she have done with, for example, our phighters who had crushes or close relationships in their source memories?

but it also makes us reflect on our own actions both in the past and in the present... because i fell for my ex FAST and that was my biggest mistake back then - rushing into things due to the excitement (and maybe desperation but that's probably entirely a me thing, my ass was a hopeless romantic ngl) and then having to deal with disastrous consequences later because i didn't get to know her well enough to realise that it wouldn't work out...

so then what happens when those emotions that i no longer want get entirely dumped onto a different headmate? you get sword's situation - falling fast, getting attached easily... but this time coupled with not only the weight of my past mistakes but also later on realising he had some really heavy source memories only exacerbating his feelings... and then suddenly due to circumstances out of anyone's control their time was up, he couldn't see him anymore and he was left to wonder why, did i fuck up? did i make him uncomfortable?

answer: not quite, not only was it due to the aforementioned circumstances but due to a similar issue of not wanting to rush things and wanting to get to know him as his own person before anything happens rather than just rushing due to memories, and i think this answer is what truly kicked off the reflection because he had a similar epiphany not too long after

and this turned the lack of time from a curse to a weird sort of blessing? because he can now take the time to sort out his own emotions and reconcile his memories and also just like . live and find himself without accidentally revolving around his feelings. he still misses him, both specifically the one he's attached to and just generally due to memories, but it doesn't eat at him anymore and he's so much more willing to wait (and even thankful that he has to) to the point where he's said out loud that he'd wait a thousand years for him, which is kinda cheesy but whatever thanks sword

but it's still scary, unfortunately i specifically still haven't disconnected "love" from "danger" in my thought process, so watching a headmate be so in love and so happy feels... weird to me specifically as the core, and it does occasionally bounce off of him and make him second guess, not helped by the fact he has a weird clusterject brain ghost thats kinda partially the guy he likes now, whoops

idk . can't remember what i was gonna write for the rest of this ngl. it is what it is i guess? just wanted to get some stuff out of our system

- core (+ ⚔️ because it's partially about him)

[sweetghosttea]

also bro i feel like this video is gonna be us at some point in the future xD https://www.youtube.com/shorts/p6fj3G_aNu0 12/20/23 7:45 pm

Monday, December 25, 2023

[2:00 AM] Ragtime Cat: merry christmas bro!!!

Monday, January 1, 2024

[12:15 AM] Ragtime Cat: HAPPY NEW YEAR BRO!!!

Thursday, January 4, 2024

[5:26 PM] ✦randi✦: OH GOD BRO STEAM DIDNT SHOW ME ANY OF YOUR MESSAGES OMG HAPPY NEW YEAR!! MERRY cHRISTmas!! ALSO YES THAT WILL BE US OMG I HOPE YOURE DOING OKAY!! A LOT HAS HAPPENED TO ME THESE LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS

[11:07 PM] Ragtime Cat: SHAKES FIST DAMNIT STEAM. DONT DO THIS TO US IS IT GOOD THINGS I HOPE?? TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT BRO THERE'S BEEN A LOT HAPPENING OVER HERE TOO BUT I WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOU FIRST

Friday, January 5, 2024

[12:15 AM] ✦randi✦: I EVEN HAVE IT ON MY PHONE TO TRY AND MAKE SURE I RECIEVE MESSAGES OMG. AND YES AND NO, BUT I WOULD SAY MOSTLY GOOD. THE BIG ONE IS THAT ROMAN AND I BROKE UP IN NOVEMBER. ILL SAVE YOU THE DETAILS, IT WAS PROBABLY AS GOOD OF A BREAKUP AS ONE COULD GO. THINGS JUST DIDNT WORK OUT AND HE DIDNT LOVE ME ANYMORE. THATS THE BIG NEWS. HOWEVER, I HAVE A NEW BOYFRIEND ACTUALLY. HE IS WONDERFUL, HIS NAME IS ADAM. I KNOW IT SEEMS A LITTLE FAST BUT AFTER REFLECTION, IT WASNT MUCH OF A RELATIONSHIP FOR A FEW YEARS. SERIOUSLY, ADAM AND I HAVE DONE MORE FUN DATE THINGS ALREADY. WEVE BEEN DATING SINCE A FEW DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS LOL. BUT DID SOME DATES BEFORE THEN. ANYWAY, AND THEN I GOT A HUGE PROMOTION AT WORK! WELL KINDA. ITS BEEN A MESS A LITTLE. SO I DON'T KNOW IF I TOLD YOU THAT IVE BEEN WORKING AT A GROCERY STORE FOR A LITTLE NOW, ILL BE THERE THREE YEARS IN JULY. BUT I AM ALMOST PROBABLY GONNE BE THE ASSISTANT STORE MANAGER SOON! UNFORTUNATELY THE OTHERONE GOT SUPER SICK AND SHE HAD TO RESIGN, BUT THINGS WERE UP IN THE AIR FOR A WHILE, AND IVE BEEN THE TEMP ASST STORE MANAGER SINCE MID OCT I THINK. ANYWAYS, BUSY BUT EXCITING!WHAT ABOUT YOU BRO?? I HOPE GOOD THINGS TOO!

[2:34 PM] Ragtime Cat: OMG WHY DOESN'T IT WORK THEN C'MON STEAM DO BETTER THAN THAT.OH BRO, I'M SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOU AND ROMAN. HOWEVER, I'M ALSO HAPPY TO HEAR ABOUT YOU AND ADAM. CONGRATS ON GETTING A WONDERFUL NEW BOYFRIEND AND I'M SO GLAD THINGS ARE GOING SO WELL BETWEEN YOU TWO. I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING TOO FAST AT ALL. IF HE MAKES YOU HAPPY THAN THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT YEAH?THAT'S ALSO AMAZING BRO! CONGRATS ON YOUR PROMOTION AT WORK AS WELL. I HONESTLY CAN'T REMEMBER IF YOU'D TOLD ME BEFORE OR NOT. YOU PROBABLY DID THOUGH. ANYWAY IT'S A SHAME THAT THE OTHER ONE GOT REAL SICK AND HAD TO QUIT. THAT'S NOT SO GOOD. BUT AT LEAST THINGS AREN'T SO UP IN THE AIR ANYMORE RIGHT? NOW YOU KNOW FOR SURE! IT IS BUSY BUT EXCITING!!!I'M ON THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE END OF THINGS ACTUALLY. INSTEAD OF GOOD THINGS HAVE BEEN ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE. WE ALMOST LOST ALL THE RENTALS BECAUSE ONE GUY WANTED TO BE A COMPLETE ASSHOLE. I ALMOST ENDED UP HOMELESS BECAUSE MY YOUNGER BROTHER WON'T ADMIT HE HAS ANGER ISSUES AND WENT ON A MASSIVE POWER TRIP FOR ABOUT TWO MONTHS AND TRIED TO KICK ME OUT,OF MY OWN HOUSE TWICE QUOTING THAT I'M USELESS AND WORTHLESS AND EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY HATES ME. I'M STILL HERE THANKFULLY AND HE'S NOT GOTTEN HIS WAY. BUT IT'S REALLY PUT A WEDGE IN NOT ONLY OUR RELATIONSHIP, BUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAD AS WELL. BECAUSE HE ALSO SAID I'M PRETTY USELESS BECAUSE I DON'T MEET HIS EXPECTATIONS OF ME. WHEN HIS EXPECTATIONS ARE FOR ME TO GET A JOB HE PICKS OUT INSTEAD OF THE ONE I'M DOING THAT I LIKE. SO HE CAN QUIT HIS JOB AND NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING BECAUSE I'LL BE TAKING CARE OF HIM. WHICH IS NOT HOW I WAS RAISED TO DO THINGS AND HE KNOWS THAT SO I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT'S SUDDENLY COME FROM. BUT MY AUNT AND UNCLE FROM HIS SIDE OF THE FAMILY ARE REALLY PUSHING FOR ME TO DO THIS TOO CAUSE IT'S "MY RESPONSIBILITY AS THE OLDEST CHILD" WHEN THEIR OWN FUCKING CHILDREN DON'T DO THAT FOR THEM. AND THEY DON'T DO THAT FOR THEIR MOM, WHO I'VE NEVER THOUGHT OF AS A GRANDMA SO I DON'T CALL HER THAT. BUT YEAH LIKE WHAT THE FUCK??ON TOP OF THAT I'VE BEEN LIVING BASICALLY IN OUR DEN FOR THE MONTH AND A HALF BECAUSE THERE'S SOME WEIRD POWER STUFF GOING ON WITH MY ROOM. THE OUTLETS JUST STOPPED WORKING SUDDENLY FOR NO APPARENT REASON. ALL OF OUR TESTERS AND METERS AND STUFF SAY THEY'RE GETTING POWER BUT NOTHING TURNS ON WHEN YOU PLUG IT IN, AND IT'S TOO COLD FOR ME TO BE IN THERE WITHOUT A HEATER. UNFORTUNATELY THAT MEANS I HAVE ABSOLUTELY ZERO PRIVACY ANYMORE AND IT'S REALLY STARTING TO WEAR ON ME. I HATE IT BUT EVERYONE'S DRAGGING THEIR FEET ABOUT DOING SOMETHING TO GET IT FIXED OURSELVES AND I'M NOT MAKING ENOUGH TO HIRE AN ELECTRICIAN. SO IT JUST SUCKS ALL AROUND. ;n; A LOT OF PERSONAL STUFF FROM MY MAMAW AND PAPAW THAT I REALLY CARED ABOUT GOT DESTROYED TOO AND THAT'S HURT ME. I FEEL LIKE ANY TIME WE DO A LIFE UPDATE I'M GOING THROUGH SOMETHING ROUGH ANYMORE. BUT YEAH THAT'S HOW THE PAST LIKE HALF A YEAR HAS BEEN FOR ME.

Saturday, January 6, 2024

[Yesterday, 8:08 PM] ✦randi✦: I KNOW, ITS SO STUPID. I HAVE THE SPECIFIC CHAT APP FOR THIS REASON, BUT NOOO. IT IS OKAY. IT NEEDED TO HAPPEN, AND I REALLY ADORE ADAM. HES A GREAT GUY. HE DOES MAKE ME VERY HAPPY OMG. AND THANK YOU FOR THE CONGRATS ON THE PROMOTION. I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT ALL OF THAT FUCKIN SHIT THAT IS GOING ON, HOLY COW BRO. YOU'RE PUTTING UP WITH SO MUCH, DAMN. IM GLAD YOURE STILL THERE, I CANT BELIEVE HE WOULD TRY AND MAKE YOU HOMELESS HOLY SHIT. HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A BIT OF A PROBLEM THOUGH, WHICH IS UNFORTUNATE. BUT HOLY.FUCKING.SHIT I CAN NOT BELIEVE YOUR DAD. YOU DAD?? THE LIKE, ONE GOOD FAMILY MEMBER YOU HAD LEFT. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HIM. IM SO SO SORRY YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT BRO, D: HAVING NO PRIVACY IS REALLY BAD, I CANT EVEN IMAGINE THAT BRO. I YHOPE IT GETS FIXED SOON OR SOMETHING FOR YOUR SAKE. GOD BRO I REALLY HOPE THINGS TURN AROUND, IM SORRY ITS BEEN SO BAD FOR YOU. YOU DESERVE MUCH BEETER

Sunday, January 7, 2024

[11:05 PM] Ragtime Cat: I KNOW BRO. THAT'S ANOTHER THING I'M TRYING TO GET SORTED OUT IS GETTING A BETTER COMPUTER SO WE CAN HANG OUT AGAIN WHEN YOU'VE GOT TIME! SOMETHING MORE RELIABLE THAN A SECONDHAND ANXIETY TRAP THAT'S JUST GOING TO DIE ON ME AGAIN IF I BREATH ON IT WRONG. BUT I'M HAPPY THAT HE MAKES YOU HAPPY AND THAT THINGS ARE GOING MUCH BETTER WITH HIM. MAYBE I CAN MEET HIM IF I EVER GET THE CHANCE TO COME VISIT? I STILL HAVE THE BOX OF STUFF I MEANT TO SEND YOU IN A PACKAGE. BUT I THINK THAT WAS WHEN THE MESS WITH YOUR BASEMENT STARTED HAPPENING AND I JUST HAVEN'T THOUGHT TO ASK WHERE TO SEND IT TO SINCE THEN. ALSO YOU'RE WELCOME BRO! I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT YOU DESERVE IT AND ARE GOING TO DO GREAT IN THE POSITION. THAT'S HONESTLY ONLY LIKE A THIRD OF IT TOO. EVER SINCE MY MOM DIED I'VE JUST BEEN IN HELL AND DEALING WITH SO MUCH. I'M ALSO SORRY BRO I WAS HALF ASLEEP WHEN I WROTE THAT BECAUSE I HAVEN'T BEEN SLEEPING WELL SO I'M UTTERLY EXHAUSTED MOST OF THE DAY SO I DIDN'T REALIZE UNTIL I LOOKED BACK AND READ IT BUT IT'S NOT MY DAD DAD LIKE THE ONE YOU LOVE SO MUCH THAT DID ALL THAT IT'S MY STEPDAD. THE ONE THAT LIVES WITH ME AND MY BROTHER. I'M REALLY SORRY FOR NOT LIKE CLARIFYING THAT SOONER. ALTHOUGH HONESTLY EVEN COOL DAD'S BEEN KINDA WEIRD LATELY. THE LAST TIME I WAS ACTUALLY AT HIS HOUSE AND HUNG OUT WITH HIM HE WAS JUST DOING A LOT OF GUILT TRIPPING?? ABOUT HOW I DON'T CALL HIM ENOUGH AND HOW WE DIDN'T DO A LOT TOGETHER THIS YEAR AND ALL OF OUR PLANS GOT MESSED UP SOMEHOW WHEN WE COULD. BUT WHENEVER I CALLED HIM AFTER THAT HE DIDN'T WANT TO SEE ME?? HE DIDN'T EVEN WANNA SPEND CHRISTMAS OR NEW YEARS WITH ME?????? I DUNNO WHAT I'VE DONE WRONG TO EVEN MAKE HIM MADE AT ME BUT JFC. I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE. BUT ANYWAY YEAH I'M GLAD I'M STILL HERE TOO AND FIGHTING TO KEEP DOING WHAT I LOVE INSTEAD OF WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WANT. AND HAVING NO PRIVACY SUCKS SO MUCH. I HOPE IT GETS FIXED SOON TOO. I KEEP HEARING 'YEAH WE'LL WORK ON IT' 'WE'LL FIX IT HERE IN A DAY OR TWO' BUT EITHER NOTHING HAPPENS OR I DON'T GET A DEFINITIVE ANSWER ON WHAT 'A DAY OR TWO' MEANS. UUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH. THANK YOU BRO <3 I'M SORRY TO HAVE TO DUMP SO MUCH SHIT ON YOU LIKE THIS WHEN WE SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON YOUR GOOD NEWS ISNTEAD!

1-28-24 [3:00 AM] Ragtime Cat: HOWS BAUDLRS GATE BRO? YOU ENJOYING IT?

2-14-24 (7:30 am)

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY BRO

Monday, February 19, 2024

[Yesterday, 10:23 PM] Miranda(✿◠‿◠): OH SHIT BRO!! HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!! OMG BELATED VALENTIONES DAY ANYWAY I HOPE THINGS ARE GOIN BETTER FOR YOU, AT LEAST A LITTOE BIT

Tuesday, February 20, 2024

[12:06 PM] Ragtime Cat: THANK YOU BRO I'M KINDA STUCK IN PURGATORY RIGHT NOW ACTUALLY. IT'S NOT GETTING ANY WORSE THANKFULLY BUT IT'S NOT IMPROVING ANY EITHER. I'M STILL STRESSING MYSELF INTO MAKING MYSELF SICK AND WORRIED AND A LITTLE SCARED.

Monday, February 26, 2024

[12:01 AM] Ragtime Cat: BRO!!!!!! BRO ARE YOU READY FOR AN UPDATE i HAVE A ROOM AND PRIVACY AND A BED AGAIN!!! SORT OF HALF OF A ROOM TECHNICALLY IT'S NOT MY ROOM BUT WE EMPTIED OUT ONE OF THE STORAGE ROOMS AND STUCK A MATTRESS IN HERE FOR ME AND MY PC SO THAT I CAN HAVE MY OWN SPACE AGAIN UNTIL I DO GET MY ROOM BACK.

Thursday, February 29, 2024

[10:22 AM] Miranda(✿◠‿◠): OH MY GOD BRO!! THAT IS A PRETTY DECENT UPDATE OMG!! IM SO GLAD YOU ARE ABLE TO KIND OF HAVE A ROOM AGAIN! HOPEFULLY THEN THAT MEANS THINGS ARE KIND OF ON THE UP AND UP, IT SURE AS HELL IS A START! OMFG IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU BRO

[10:31 AM] Ragtime Cat: THANK YOU BRO. EVEN IF IT ISN'T MY ROOM I STILL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. THE SETUPS A LITTLE AWKWARD FOR MY PC WITH THE WAY THE OUTLETS ARE IN THIS ROOM, AND THE DOORS NOT ACTUALLY A DOOR ITS JUST ONE OF THOSE FOLDING SLIDING PANEL THINGS THAT DOESN'T LATCH WHEN YOU TO TRY TO CLOSE IT. BUT ITS STILL SOMETHING RIGHT?! I'M KEEPING ALL OF MY FINGERS AND TOES AND ANYTHING ELSE I CAN THINK OF CROSSED THAT THIS DOES MEAN THINGS ARE LOOKING UP.

Saturday, March 2, 2024

[11:02 AM] Ragtime Cat: BRO I HAVE ANOTHER BIG UPDATE!!!! ONE I COULD SUPER USE YOUR HELP WITH IF YOU WANT. I'VE BEEN ASKED TO BE A DND DM!!! FOR TINY LITTLE POKEMON CAMPGAIN. I'VE GOT A GOOD START TO IT THOUGHT UP ALREADY I THINK BUT I'D LOVE YOUR HELP WITH THE STORY OR JUST SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPORTANT NPCS AND RANDOM SHIT THAT CAN HAPPEN AND STUFF LIKE THAT.

Wednesday, March 6, 2024

[Yesterday, 11:08 PM] Miranda: IM GLAD IT FEELS SO MUCH BETTER!! IT IS STILL SOMETHING, AND WE WILL TAKE THAT! I WILL ALSO KEEP EVERYTHING CROSSED THAT I CAN POSSIBLY CROSS TO HELP!! OH BRO! I CAN TRY MAYBE!! IM GONNA BE BUSY FOR A MONTH, CAUSE I HAVE TRAINING FOR MY WORK OUT OF STATE WHERE ILL BE WORKING 6 DAYS A WEEK LMAO. BUT ILL HAVE A LAPTOP, I MAY BE ABLE TO HELP! LAY ON ME WHAT YOUVE GOT ! OMG ITS SO EXCITING THAT YOURE GOING TO DM A LIL POKEMON CAMPAIGN!!

Thursday, March 7, 2024

[10:04 PM] Ragtime Cat: THANKS BRO. FOR KEEPING EVERYTHING CROSSED AND TRYING TO HELP ME. THEY LAST MINUTE DECIDED TO DROP ON ME THAT THIS SATURDAY IS THE ONLY DAY THAT'S GOING TO WORK FOR EVERYONE GETTING TOGETHER. WHICH HAS BEEN FINE AS FAR AS THE SET UP IS CONCERNED. BUT I'M WORRIED THAT EVEN MY BASIC IDEAS FOR A STORY MIGHT NOT BE INTERESTING/FUN. CAUSE I MEAN ITS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SUPER DETAILED ANYWAY I RECKON SINCE IT'S JUST A TEENY TINY SHORT COUPLE HOUR CAMPAIGN RIGHT? BUT I DUNNO. MAYBE I'M JUST GETTING STAGE FRIGHT.

[10:16 PM] Ragtime Cat: MY IDEA IS THAT YOU'RE ON A VERY SMALL ISLAND REGION THAT IS MOSTLY UNINHABITED SAVE FOR ONE BIG CITY, A LITTLE FISHING VILLAGE, WHAT IS BASICALLY A THIEVES DEN, AND A SMALL TRIBAL VILLAGE WAAAAY OFF AWAY FROM EVERYONE ELSE AND CUT OFF FROM THE "CIVILIZED" WORLD PRETTY MUCH. THERE'S NO GYMS OR LEAGUES. AND THERE WASN'T EVEN A POKEMON PROFESSOR UNTIL RECENTLY. WHEN THIS NEW ONE RE-OPENED THE OLD LAB THAT HAD BEEN INACTIVE FOR YEARS. SHE PUT OUT A CALL FOR TRAINERS TO GO RECLAIM THE OLD RESEARCH STATIONS FROM NATURE AND SEE IF THAT'S WHY HER READINGS ARE COMING OUT SO INCONSISTANT AND WEIRD. SHE'LL PROVIDE EVERYTHING THEY NEED FOR THEM BEFORE THEY GO AND PAY THEM PRETTY WELL FOR THE WORK WHEN THEY RETURN. THEY'RE GOING TO MOSTLY DECIDE HOW THEY GO ABOUT IT AND WHAT ROUTES THEY TAKE SO THERE'S GONNA BE POKEMON BATTLES AND TRAINING AND SOME LITTLE EVENTS/BATTLES ALONG THE WAY. BUT AFTER MAYBE ONE STATION I WANT THEM TO SORT OF SNIFF OUT THAT ITS NOT JUST THE STATIONS THEMSELVES BUT THAT SOMETHING IS ALSO VERY WRONG WITH THE WILD POKEMON. THEY'LL MORE FREQUENTLY COME ACROSS SPOTS WHERE POKEMON ARE JUST REALLY SICK OR ACTING UNNATURALLY. AND THE SECOND BIG HOOK AND THE TWIST OF THE STORY IS THAT IT'S BECAUSE THERE'S A BIG BAD RICH GUY THAT SEES THE ENTIRE ISLAND AS AN INVESTMENT AND WANTS TO TURN EVERY OUNCE OF IT INTO A MONEY MAKING TOURIST ATTRACTION. ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. SO HE'S TRYING TO LIKE FORCE THE TRIBE TO LEAVE OR STRONG ARM NATIVES INTO SELLING THEIR LAND TO HIM. AND GETTING RID OF ANYTHING THAT'S "PROBLEMATIC" FOR DEVELOPMENT. LIKE SAY POKEMON THAT AREN'T GOING TO BE USEFUL TO HIM. MY FRIENDS' SORT OF RIVAL IS GONNA BE THE SON OF THIS BIG BAD GUY. WHO EVEN THOUGH HE /IS/ TREATING HIS STAY MORE LIKE A VACATION TO HIS DAD. STILL HAS THAT VERY RICH BOY AIR AND ATTITUDE ABOUT HIM AND THINKS HE CAN GET AWAY WITH DOING AND SAYING ANYTHING HE WANTS AND TREATING PEOPLE ANY WAY HE WANTS CAUSE HIS DAD IS GONNA "OWN THE ISLAND AND EVERYONE IN IT SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET USED TO IT. YOU LOSERS BASICALLY WORK FOR ME ALREADY."OH I ALSO FORGOT TO MENTION THAT

IF WE HAVE TIME FOR IT I EVEN HAS A LITTLE SIDE STORY ON STANDBY ABOUT A LEGEND OF THE TRIBE AND HOW THEY BASICALLY WORSHIP LYCANROCS.

[everybodysaycbx]

YOUR TAGS ON SOO’S FILMOGRAPHY ALFHAKHSAKBit really do be like that 😭😭😭

Like 75% of his stuff hits straight to the water pipes, even the stuff he only has a minor role in

LITERALYYYYYY its so hard to watch most of his stuff even tho i want to bc hes such a good actor but when theres a new movie of his coming out its almost always a serious drama and im like,,,,,,,,,,do i wanna watch him die again or do i need some happiness rn bcjskqkwjjdjshhhsqjj

probably why i rewatch 100 days my prince so often its my favorite kdrama of his (i love historical dramas so im biased lol) and yeah theres some sad and even tragic moments but its overall a good time and very interesting (plus he and nam jihyun are wonderful in this (and everything they do tbh) and so are the supporting actors

also now im going to use this as an excuse to ramble about my thoughts on the show bc i love it but i have Critiques™ so ill put a read more for spoilers bc ill talk about them a lot

almost all of these issues if not all are all about the writing so there wont be any criticism of the acting which i thought was pretty good overall by kdrama standards (there were only a few times where i thought it was detrimental to my enjoyment but again it was still more to do with my problems with the writing)

so to really get into it, the pacing suffers with the back half of the episodes feeling a bit rushed especially in the last few episodes. i didnt feel like the first half was dragging much except in a few areas but again it didnt detract from my enjoyment. the last id say 5 or 6 episodes really feel like they were speedrunning which made the ending less satisfying

so when i looked at reviews of the show years ago i saw many people criticizing how the main antagonist died bc it felt anticlimatic and i do agree, especially on first watch. while its not as jarring as the first time when ive rewatched it the way he dies still doesnt feel built up as well as it could have been and i think it could have worked if the pacing for the ending wasnt so rushed (plus the numerous twists during the last couple of episodes made it a bit hard to follow where it was heading and some of what WAS set up i think was lost in that but tbh thats par for the course for kdramas lol)

speaking of the ending, i get why it ended the way that it did with the marriage mandate happening again to make everything come full circle, but character wise i dont think it was the way to go. wondeuk has always expressed even before he lost his memory that he hated being royal and never wanted to live that life because of what his father did to get it. and even knowing that he wasnt wondeuk and was probably a noble at the very least he wanted to be with hongshim in the village or wherever they needed to go. hongshim similarly has already gotten used to being a commoner and has lived that way longer than her former life. even in the epilogue she doesnt really live her life as a noble even if her status has been reinstated. i think it wouldve made more sense if he renounced the throne and chose to live with her in the village.

adding to the last point, if they had stayed in the village together and he abdicated, then his half brother would be the crown prince and the queen wouldnt be on her bullshit even at the end of the show!!! dude literally killed the guy who was threatening you and controlling your husband and you still cant stop trying to fuck him over so your son can be king??? i know the evil manipulative queen is a trope in these but shes so illogical it was a bit annoying which is a shame bc i usually love those characters

the show like,,,,,less than halfway through forgets wondeuks half brother is even a character like why was he even there. theres some indication in the beginning of the show that he likes the crown princess but that doesnt really go anywhere (its only brought up in like 2 scenes at the beginning and in the epilogue wheres shes moved to a remote location with the baby and goes to visit for some reason.....dude yall had maybe 3 lines of dialogue between each other. why are you here) and he even tells wondeuk that he hates him but we never really figure out why bc he doesnt really want to be the crown prince that much (not that i can recall rn) so his only role in the story is to help the queen be a red herring but not be a real character of his own

this is more of what i felt upon rewatch but every time i rewatch it i find it more and more annoying but the palace drama where the queen is spreading rumors and then the guys who support the antagonist make fake fliers about how the kingdom wants her deposed for this in order to manipulate the king is just,,,,,extremely uninteresting upon rewatch. like so much is happening that goes on for so long and its dragged out for way longer than it should be AND it takes time away from the village plot with wondeuk and hongshim aka the actual interesting part. so now i mostly just skip those parts even tho when i first watched the show it was fairly interesting tho i felt it dragged on a bit too long so i wont say this is a huge strike against it or anything

while i knew the brother was going to die bc thats how these kinds of stories work i was still upset fjisjshdsjsh he was a great character and while i think it still makes sense why and its still narratively satisfying imo, i think it would still be satisfying if he lived and he and the princess escaped successfully. i think it would work a little bit better actually bc it would make the antagonists decisions make a little more sense in the finale bc not everything is going to his plan and hes losing more control (plus they deserve to be happy :(( they deserve the happy ending wondeuk and hongshim get too) plus it would still tie in with hongshims motivations for rejecting wondeuk initially before the epilogue

thats the last of the criticism but this isnt a praise so ill leave an idea i had for like a what if scenario ig: so i always wondered what would happen if either the antagonist doesnt get to wondeuk in time during the festival or he gets killed by the people the king sent to attack him and hongshims brother gets there to take them them plus her dad with them into hiding. and the awkward tension that would ensue when wondeuk either figures out her brother is the assassin thats been coming after them or just immediately knows when he sees him come to get them but they both dont want to hurt hongshim by telling her what they know about the other but shes distressed that they obviously dont like each other and this is all happening while theyre running around the woods and trying to find a place they can hide out and her dad is just,,,,,,,so confused the entire time but trying to make everyone get along fjwwqkdhuheuedh idk i could add to this later bc i have so many ideas on how it could play out but ill stop there fisksjbdjssjdjssj