#Ive been trying to puzzle this out for a while

[hiddenfolk]

Also can someone smarter than me pls analyse the significance of all of the mouthwashing character's fates involving facial trauma in some way. Why do swansea, anya and curly all share the same left eye looking at you, and why is daisuke the only one to lose his left eye in death. Is it the fact that they directly see and/or judge jimmy for what he is while daisuke never has that realisation??? i cant quite put the pieces together.

[jrueships]

can you please walk us through the relationship between wemby and jabari the people need to know

i think the most notable thing about vic and Jabari's relationship is that they don't have one, when it would be so beneficial if they did. they're like two soldiers fighting for the opposite sides of a war, too loyal to the cause to stop and think about what could have been if they just lowered their respective weapons aimed by cold hands larger than their own. foils by fate, friends by freedom.

' remember, you will Always be Different. '

' remember, you will Always be Replaceable. '

'Replaceable'

Jabari's dad made it in the NBA, then didn't. He was a big that could shoot, but wasn't a post-up man. Back then, post-up was the desired style. Ironically, now, it's all about shooting. But his dad didn't live in the now, and his career in the US was short-lived, to keep it cordial. Jabari's older brother played basketball throughout his whole life, but stopped after college. Jabari's cousin, Kwame Brown, was drafted 1st overall in the lottery, and became a notorious bust for the Washington wizards.

Basketball is a business. Basketball is fleeting.

It doesn't matter that a big with sharpshooter skills is valued as something so 'prized' in today's nba, not back then, not when it would have mattered for Jabari's dad. Making it is one ballpark in its own, but Staying in it? Can perhaps be an even more painful ordeal when the hoops to accomplish it aren't circus hoops, but a plain hill some just don't have the strength, mentality, or the materials to help climb without distraction or pitfall.

Jabari's dad made sure Jabari had this threat forever ingrained in his mind. When he yells at Jabari for misplaced eye contact, for typing the wrong words in a public social media reply, for reacting in a way a camera might misinterpret, it's out of love. Jabari's dad was known for being a hassle to coach back then, maybe because he knew his potential and no one else did because it was too new to the mold. So he makes sure Jabari doesn't follow his same habits. Jabari is polite to authority, simply replies with a 'Yes Sir' or a 'No Ma'am', he holds eye contact, he wakes up hours before he needs to just to jump rope, just to uphold the standards that his family could not. He is Everything his father is and isn't, plus more. When his team wins, he's still talking about his missed freethrows even 8 hours later. Because someone else could have won the game And hit those free throws too . someone from a family that gained success and stayed in that success. Someone who wasn't Just Another Son of a basketball player trying to do what his father couldn't, someone who was Different .

Everyone knew wemby was different. When his literature class was asked to write an essay about your future dreams in life, he wrote a fictional romance about a couple where the woman got in a car accident and was comatosed as a result, but got better in the end. He didn't write about being a great basketball player one day, because his parents don't pressure him to hunker himself into the norm, even though his mother once was and now coaches. If Wemby one day realized this wasn't for him, they would encourage him to leave and follow whatever greater passions propelling him. He's so agile for his size because his dad was an Olympic talent in track and field. He is someone who has hobbies and talents that are considered common alone, but strange combined, because he loves what he has and what he does. He reads every night for one hour before bed not to appear as some pseudointellectual, but because he Genuinely loves it, and when he loves something, he excels at it. He does try to be different, but not out of ego. He just loves to be. He either accomplishes at 200% or zero. It may be 200% in an unexpected direction, but it's His direction and that's what matters. If he somehow does wind up a bust, a possibility he considers without fear but acceptance as potential fate, then he won't go down as yet another failed first pick. He'll fall as he flew, Victor Wembanyama.

' Different '

' Replaceable'

Jabari winces each time he's subbed out, even for a second, even on an injured ankle, he's silently Stubborn, his posture shrunken and his gaze at the ground yet his eyes, big, wobbling, staring up always at the speaker, he's silently scared.

Jabari doesn't Want to be different. He just wants to be what his family couldn't be when it came to fame: irreplaceable . His parents split when he was younger, he tries his hardest to appease them both as to not cause any more issues. The relationship relies on his shoulders more than ever, and he can't fumble it again. He has to be what his dad couldn't so his dad can stay, commenting on commonality or surprises. He wants to support his still working mother, especially after the split. He doesn't Want to be unique, he just wants Security.

Because this can crumble any moment now, it doesn't matter how high your pick was or how bright the future Could Have been or how the game would later shift to your style if you had just somehow Stayed. Why bet on low chances if you know you can't handle the risk. He shakes any college coaches' hands that showed up to his practices, personally thanks them for coming even though he's one of the best in the country so their presence should be a given to him, it's not. When he picks a college, he picks one that guaranteed their faith in him from day One, and didn't require any further prodding to finally say '.. Maybe we'll offer you a position' like Kentucky did, as big and famous as it is, it wasn't Secured . They saw him as a risk at one point, and that's everything he's been trying to avoid when it came to attention, negatively standing out.

Jabari wants to be known as the strong shoulder to the world. He WANTS to be known as That One Guy who can just carry everything, nameless but Good. He just wants to be Good. Please tell him he's good. Please tell him what he's doing is Good. That basing his entire personality around yet another soldier who ultimately fell in battle but fought nonetheless being nameless is Good. Please feel free to give him all your burdens to bear like he's just some mule, an animal, a Tool .. because that means he's Useful, at least. That means he's Good. And if he isn't good, then he's nothing. Because you can always just buy another one anyways. A better one.

'Different'

Although his parents try not to treat Wemby by simplifying his differences into a strictly labeled, simple FUTURE BASKETBALL PRODIGY box at birth, that doesn't mean that can always stop others from doing it. Wemby signed his first autograph at ten years old.

It didn't matter if he was a kid who was so much more than just his basketball future, basketball fans wanted one thing from him and one thing only: Success. People didn't care about his literary skills or his drawing hobbies. The eyes on his alien needed to be smaller 'so your shoe can sell better, trust us, it's still Your drawing.. your weird little .. not money-making hobby, do believe me, Vic, We know what We're doing. You just stick to whatever you do.'

His differences, in the end, are minimalized just to that. He's just Different. That's what everyone says who wouldn't really care to say anything at all if he never hooped as well as they wanted in the first place. The youtube videos of 40 year old men criticizing his 15 year old games didn't Really care if he was just a kid, they just cared in the 'imagine when he reaches peak physicality? imagine the points (money) he'd make for the nba.' His beautiful differences, artistic, soft, unique but oh-so wonderfully common and passionate.. are all dissolved into 'Different', the Base definition.

he's an alien. Someone you can just dump all your poverty franchise worries onto because don't worry, he's Different. Trust me, he'll save your team. 'He's Different. ..am i talking about how he'd effortlessly answer questions in class while also trying to hide the fact that he's playing on his phone by tucking his bony legs awkwardly in his chair and crouching his spine over that it looked almost scary? HELL NO? what does THAT have to do with BASKETBALL?? no, he's just freakishly long, but like. Gifted. Though. ... I don't know, man, he's just DIFFERENT, okay? you can trust me, i'm a sports podcaster, okay? everything i say is gold.'

A celebrity approaches him because he was different than most famous basketball athletes. He was Different. And yet, when he didn't recognize or notice her presence due to Different cultures ( due to Being Genuinely, Detailedly Different ), he was scorned and ushered out of public eye so another possible pr bomb couldn't injure his reputation as a Difference That They Really Would Rather Not Want.

that's what his reading falls into, his old friends, his family, his art, his personality. If it's beyond ball, if it's beyond Business. The world only cares if it's marketable. Sure, some reporters will ask a question outside of sport, but only because it'll be a Different.. funny little nugget of knowledge for fans to laugh at then soon disregard for what Really made him famous. But, Wemby is what he always wanted to be. He's Different. So What if it's not exactly the kind of Different he actually wants, he actually functions on? No one has the time to perform 200% anymore. Slap the label you wanted and call it quits, stop being so High-Maintenanced. That's not marketable.

You're just different. And to some people, that's all you'll ever be. No need to explore it any further. Who knows, your Consumers might find something they won't like. And we can't risk that happening to our greatest circus freak.

i mean. Generational basketball talent .

If there's a press conference going on that somehow includes the two, then Wemby just wants to be sure everyone can hear what he really wants to say, in his own words, not echoing anyone else's, and Jabari just wants to Be in the Room.

His brother stopped playing basketball because his family said he didn't try hard enough. Jabari Can't have that. His whole life revolves Around basketball, around sport. He doesn't WANT to be DIFFERENT if that isn't the soundest option, he just wants to be GREAT. Because GREAT is SUCCESS. Jabari Smith is not success. It's just a retry at it . His father shares the same name.

Wemby's life did not always revolve around basketball, to people, at one point. At one point, Wemby's life was just his life. Now, it seems like only his family think that, and they're from a whole other country. When he comments on videos critiquing his playstyle, he doesn't do so out of anger or questioning, he does so because he genuinely Wants to improve. He Does want to be great. But, he wants to be great in Everything that he finds interesting. He always did. When he likes an author, he reads All their books, not just their most notorious novel. He wants to be transported into other people's worlds so he can learn, so he can change, so he can be Different. Even if he somehow were to lose all of this fame, this Greatness, this job, this opportunity, he will never really lose. Because he's someone who's always taken opportunities to the fullest, so even if they pan out a little differently, that's Fine, really, because he's different. Not in the minimizing, dictionary definition then leave the meaning at that different, but in the butterfly effect. What he once was ten days ago is not exactly the same of what he is now, and it hurts, sometimes, when people fail to see that, or simply don't want to because textbook different is easier to digest than worldly different.

IN SHORT.. theyre foils. i can't Exactly walk u thru their relationship bcs .. there Isn't one.. & that's what's so Interesting about them. That's what makes their relationship, to me. Because if they WERE to be friends, if they somehow in some alternate world WERE to get paired up on the same team... they would be friends. I really think they would be. Not only because their signs are so compatible, or their differences are so stark, but because their similarities would triumph everything beautifully. Maybe. We don't know because they Weren't paired together, we can only speculate. But i think it would be big and beautiful, whatever they would have, it would be Something.

unfortunately, we don't live in an alternate world where they're teammates though ! Double unfortunately, Jabari and Wemby's biggest similarity is their loyalty to the game (a double-edged sword in both their lives from Jabari's silent unhealthy desire to be limited and Wemby's silent desperation not to be) Wemby, in Jabari's eyes, is Indeed a powerful...

Problem.

He's not really a person to him . In all fairness, no one really is when they're involved in the basketball world, not to Jabari, not from the way he's been taught. Everyone's supposed to be Replaceable, a faceless tool in the pocket of good business.

.. except for This freakazoid. Apparently.

APPARENTLY, he's some supposed 'saint'. someone to be feared for being more. APPARENTLY, the reporters just LOVE yapping about him SO much, that Jabari HAS to take the time out of his training just to talk about some guy who doesn't even GO here, yet when they ask him about his opinion on future prospects. WELL, that's ALL wemby IS to Jabari, just another future prospect. Just another problem.

A problem he'll be sure to check off his list.

... okay, so Maybe he's a bit more than a problem.. maybe.. he's just a really persistent problem? yeah, that's it, nothing more. Jabari will work through this. He Always does. That's what he does well, Work.

Wemby wonders if that's all he ever does .

But he doesn't have long before Jabari's marching down the tunnel to beat himself up over all his mistakes other people would never make, and Wemby's being escorted to an interview that other people would never make solely to show how Much he just Stands Out as a soul... in basketball .

I hope they find each other in basketball, and out of it as well. I just feel like

Something would Happen

[lovedrruunk]

'A Fresh Start 𓏲*ੈ✩‧₊˚🎐[part iv]

She's weird, she's creepy, she's a total stalker, and now she's... loitering outside your door...? [part iii]

You paced your living room, arms crossed tightly over your chest, teeth chewing the inside of your cheek. You felt like an idiot.

What were you thinking showing up to her house uninvited, banging on her door and shouting her name like a lunatic? No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't help but feel that showing up like you did had been a mistake. 

The look in her eye when she opened the door haunted you. It wasn’t anger, not really. It was something else entirely. Fear? Guilt? Whatever it was, you hated that look on her.

You stopped pacing for a moment, your arms falling to your sides as you let out a heavy sigh. What was the point of trying to fix things now? You’d probably just scared her away for good. Why did you always have to push things? You should���ve just left her alone, I mean clearly she didn’t want to be friends. 

But then you couldn’t help but wonder: why the hell had she been following you then??

You groaned and flopped onto your couch as your mind raced. It didn’t make any sense. If she didn’t want anything to do with you, why had she gone out of her way to be near you? Why had she constantly stared at you from afar as if she wanted to say something?

None of it added up, and the more you thought about it, the more frustrated you felt. Maybe you were overthinking it. Maybe she wasn’t following you at all, and you’d just misread the whole situation. But… no. The way she’d looked at you when you confronted her, it was written all over her face. She’d been following you. You were sure of it.

“Ugh.” you groaned, dragging your hands over your face. This was hopeless.

Every time you thought you had a grasp on her, she’d do something to throw you off completely. She was impossible to read, like a puzzle missing half its pieces, or a windup monkey without its gears. And as much as you wanted to forget about it, about her, you couldn’t.

Because deep down, you cared. You hated seeing her so… isolated, so withdrawn. And even if she didn’t want to be friends, even if you’d scared her away, you couldn’t help but feel like she didn’t deserve this.

Pushing yourself off the couch, you started pacing again. You wanted to fix this, to figure out some way to show her that you weren’t just trying to bother her. But how? After the way she’d turned you away, what was the point?

Part of you wanted to march back to her house and try again. But the other part screamed at you to stay put, to not make things worse, to wait until she was ready.

But god did you want to see her.

You huffed again. You felt like a stupid teenage girl kicking her feet and hitting her pillows while whining about her latest highschool crush. You wanted to see her, you wanted to see her so bad it was driving you crazy. It was irrational really. She was a total freak. New in town, avoidant, creepy, and frankly, a little bit of a bitch. All negative traits associated with someone you shouldn’t be seeing. So why did you want to so badly? All your alarm bells were going off but it was hard to tell if they were yelling or singing.

Either way, you decided that this time you wouldn’t be impulsive. You’d choose logic over feeling, because obviously that’s what any other responsible adult would do… obviously. Logic over feeling. Rationality over impulse. It sounded easy in theory, but as you sat there, staring at the blank wall across the room, it felt impossible. 

What if she thought you hated her? What if she thought you didn’t care? Or worse, what if she thought you pitied her?

She’d probably slam the door in your face again if she thought for a second you were pitying her. You knew nothing about her yet you couldn’t help but feel like she would be the type.

You groaned, flopping back onto the couch. "This is ridiculous," you muttered to yourself. "I'm ridiculous."

You stayed still for what felt like hours, the only sound you could hear being the faint ticking of the clock. You couldn’t sit here forever, pacing between guilt and worry. But you’d already decided: no more impulsive decisions.

…

So why were you halfway to the door before you even realized it?

Your hand froze on the doorknob. You couldn’t go over there again. What happened to all that logic over feeling talk? Before you could scold yourself and retreat back to the couch, a sound from the other side of the door made you pause.

A shuffle. A creak. The distinct sound of someone sighing.

Your heart skipped a beat, and for a moment, you wondered if you were hearing things. After a short pause you decided that it wouldn’t hurt to just check, for your own peace of mind if not anything. 

Turning the doorknob to quickly open the door, the sight made your breath hitch.

Powder was crouching on your doorstep, looking up at you like a deer in headlights. Her eyes were wide, her hair messy, and she looked just as nervous as you felt.

“You!” You shrieked.

She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

"What... the hell are you doing here?" you managed to ask after a long pause, your voice softer this time so as to not freak her out.

She shot to her feet so fast she almost lost balance, quickly tucking something into her pocket. Her eyes darted to the ground as she fidgeted with her fingers. “I don’t- I wasn’t-”

“You weren’t what? Just crouching on my porch for fun?”

She looked back up at you with a sour expression, her cheeks flushing a bright pink. “I didn’t think you’d open the door!” she blurted out defensively.

“It’s my house!” you said, exasperated.

“I know that!” she snapped back, louder than she intended. Her eyes widened, and her voice softened almost immediately. “I just... I wasn’t ready.”

“For what?” you asked, but she didn’t answer.

The air was heavy and the atmosphere was thick as you waited for her to respond. Her lips parted again as if to say something, but instead, she shook her head and spun on her heel, dropping onto the top porch step with a huff.

You took a minute to look at her. Just a couple minutes ago you were telling yourself to stay away from her, and although you agreed, you couldn’t help but feel grateful for her visit. It felt right, y’know, her being around.

Staring at the back of her messily cut hair, you wondered why she’d dropped by in the first place. Two days ago she was shooing you away like a fly, but now, for whatever reason, she came to you this time. You wondered what changed.

You sighed as you followed her, sitting down a few feet away. Neither of you said anything at first, the silence filled only by the far away sounds of the townsfolk heading home as the sun set.

Finally, you spoke first, your voice quieter this time. “You know, you don't make much sense.”

She didn’t look at you, her eyes fixed on the sidewalk below. 

“I know.” she muttered.

“Then help me out.” you said, trying to keep the frustration out of your voice. “What’s going on here?”

“I... I don’t know.” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

You turned to look at her, noticing the way her fists tightened. For someone so closed off, she looked more lost than anything else.

You felt a pang of guilt, and although you knew she'd never stand for being pitied, you couldn't help but feel bad.

“Well...” you said after a moment, leaning back slightly, “whatever it is, there’s no rush.”

She glanced at you out of the corner of her eye, her lips pressing into a thin line. She didn’t say anything, but the fact that she didn’t immediately run away felt like progress.

‘There's no rush’ the phrase replayed in her head for the millionth time. It was just like you to say something like that wasn’t it? Sweet, patient, so sure of yourself. Meanwhile, she felt like her insides were about to explode.

She hated how much she cared about your words, how they lingered in the back of her mind, how they actually managed to reassure her.

“You’re being too nice to me.” she said finally.

“How so?” You asked, keeping your tone light.

She shook her head. “You just are.”

You groaned dramatically. “You’re so confusing.”

She laughed dryly in response.

After a short pause you leaned forward, resting your elbows on your knees.

“I like being nice to you.” you said simply.

She froze. For a moment, neither of you said anything.

“I don’t know how to deal with that.” she admitted finally, her voice small.

“Then don’t” you replied. “Not right now at least.”

Powder looked away, blinking rapidly. She stood abruptly. “I have to go.”

You stood too, subconsciously copying her. “Powder, wait–”

She turned to face you, looking at you fully for the first time since you two sat down, before quickly cutting you off. “Here, this was for you.” 

She extended her fist towards you before opening it to reveal a crushed and wilted flower. 

You hesitated before accepting it, it was a cute offer but you were more confused than anything. You stared at it for a second before the sound of her boots rushing down the steps caught you off guard. 

“H-Hold on!” you called out.

She stopped in her tracks, turning her head slightly to look at you through her peripherals.

“Are you… free tomorrow?”

. . .

it wouldve been real fucking funny if i made her trip and fall down the stairs

ANYWAYS THEYRE SO CUTEEE AWWW (i say as i am the one who wrote it)

TRUSTTTTTTT that PART 5 WILL COME A LOTTT SOONER!!!! updating takes me awhile when im not sure how to go about the story BUT I HAVE RLLY CUTE AND FUN IDEAS FOR THEIR HANGOUT SO WRITING IT WILL BE MUCH EASIER!!!

also posting this on my bday is so funny to me like wow life of a teenage girl

[taglist ( ;´ - `;)!!]

@cattjull @kenqki @powderbomb-jinxed @iamastar @lostdreamingwallflower @errorlovernotfound99 @raven437 @cartalige @poncho-fisch @crushh-existz @slxtcity @jinxslapdog @radioheadfan699 @alduinworldeater11 @dulleyeddreamer @alicenasflowers

[USERS I CANT TAG 4 SUM REASON (◞‸◟；)]

@sacrasm-is-my-form-of-attack @wonylvxv

[pelova4president]

Shadows are to protect III

Alessia Russo x Putellas!Reader

Victoria Pelova x Putellas!Reader

shadows are to protect I, II, IV

summary~ Victoria has been nothing but good to you but somehow you find a way to ruin everything

You picked the dead plants up and carried them into your kitchen that was still covered in white flour. Surely you could bring them back to life right. They just needed a little more loving and they’d come back. A little water and some sunlight.

You were puzzled by Alessia’s reaction. She didn’t want you, she made that very clear. But why was she so upset about it. Okay yeah, you made sure to show her that you were over her, that you moved on. But she had a boyfriend, she shouldn't even care.

You took a good look at the plants, they were doomed. In some way they were just like humans. They needed to be taken care of, they need love, light and water. They can't survive on their own, at least not long. Some can, like a cactus. But even they can't remain alive like that forever.

You've been doing most things by yourself, until Alessia. She was your water and sun until she wasn't. And you had held yourself up after but you couldn't keep doing that forever so you'd gone to your sister and then Vicky came along. And Victoria didn't just give you water and sun, she took care of you. And maybe that was the difference between the two of your teammates. One cared for you and the other pretended to.

Victoria was there for you when you needed her and she actually liked being around you. Alessia loved the idea of you, she was there whenever she wanted you. Not when you wanted her. It was a hard pill to swallow but it was the truth. You've been romanticizing this idea of Alessia Russo, the goalscorer, the golden girl, the fucking winner.

And the fucking worst of it all was that you still cared for her.

You fell into a new routine in the upcoming weeks. Victoria insisted on driving you to training even though she was clumsy in her car, maybe even more than Alessia. She'd buy you coffee on the way to training and you'd kiss her thank you every time. It was nice, she was nice.

Victoria took you out on dates after games and you'd have little picnic dates after training. You'd make the food and she covered the drinks. The two of you would spent hours playing with puppy’s and talking. You loved the park.

Training was less enjoyable. You got dirty looks from a certain striker and especially when you were with Victoria. Alessia took it upon herself to make trainings a living hell for you. She tackled you harder than was necessary and was throwing you at the ground every chance she got. You were absolutely fucking done with it and so were your teammates.

“God, Alessia what has gotten into you!” Leah scolded the blonde when she made yet another unnecessary hard tackle. “Nothing, just a bad day.” she grumbled. But Leah knew it wasn’t a bad day, she’s been doing this to you for a long time now. “Whatever, keep that out of training okay. No need to injure our own players.” Leah told her. You rolled your eyes at her, why did she have to act like this.

It wasn’t until days later that you spoke Alessia again. She hadn’t reached out since that kiss with Vic. You didn’t try to text her, if she wanted to say something she should be the one reaching out to you.

Vic drove you to Viv and Beth’s house. They planned some kind of victory dinner before the national camps. You were actively trying to get more along with the team since Victoria was close with most of the girls and you knew she’d love it for you if you got closer with them. Viv was like family for her so you tried your best to put your awkward self away to attend a team dinner.

Everything was going fine, Beth welcomed you in and Rona and Myle were happy to see you too. The dinner was amazing, since Viv cooked it for you. It’s been a while since you had a home made meal so it was nice. There were people all over their house talking and eating, it was kind of like team hang outs you had in Barcelona.

Looking around, in search of a Dutch girl’s eyes your eyes caught those of an English player. Her blues were drilling into you. It was hard to ignore the feeling of someones eyes on you, so you didn’t. You stared right back at her and the only reaction you got was a huff and some eye rolling. Jesus, what did she want.

You got up, ready to pour yourself another drink. “Vicky, you want another drink?” you asked the brunette. She was in a conversation with Teyah so she shook her head no. You walked towards their kitchen. The chaotic noise of conversations was still somewhat on the background but the quieter space was still nice.

Filling your wine glass with some water, something Caitlin would take the mick out of later, you leaned into the wall.

You were somewhat in peace until someone bumped into you. Your eyes shot open, “What the fuck?” you groaned. Blue eyes stared back at you, totally unimpressed. “What? Can’t take a little push, just like in training. Grow up man.” Alessia rolled her eyes.

Now you were getting mad. She’s been the one telling you to fuck off, how you were clingy and that she didn’t want you. “What is your fucking problem. I’ve done nothing to you, i stopped bothering you right? Just like how you wanted.” you placed your glass on the counter.

Alessia took a step towards you. “Yeah so you got with my best friend to get back at me. You’re so fucking selfish.” she huffed out.

“Joder, I didn’t do anything to you! I’ve let you do your thing with your boyfriend. I didn’t say anything to anyone about us, just how you’d like that right. I was just your dirty little secret no one should know about.” you walked out. But she captured your wrist before you could take another step.

“I broke up with him weeks ago and when i wanted tell you i saw you.. with Victoria. I wanted to say sorry but then you seemed like you didn’t want it anymore.” she whispered carefully.

It was hard to believe she wanted you, especially after what she had said to you. “Don’t say that, you don’t want to be with me. You made that very clear.” you turned around. Alessia’s brows were knitted together and her eyes were getting glossy. But she did that every time. And every time she got what she wanted, you in her bed by the end of the night. And after, she told you those lies all over again. How she didn’t want you, how nobody could ever want you and the next Saturday she’d look at you with those eyes and you’d fall for it all over again. It wasn’t healthy.

“Alessia, don’t.” you looked at her. But she didn’t take that for an answer and took your head in her hands like she’d done on some many other evenings. But those evenings were in one of your houses, where nobody could see. Her lips touched yours and you didn’t pull away, not fast enough.

You heard someone clear their throat and that pulled you out of your trance. You opened you eyes and saw Vic standing there with an empty glass in hand. “I- i uh i was just getting something to drink but..” her voice trembled.

“Vicky. Vic, i’m sorry but it’s not what you think it is.” you got out of Alessia’s grasp but Victoria was faster. She picked her keys up from the dinner table and walked out of the door.

Alessia watched the scene play out in front of her and placed her hand on your shoulder. You pushed her hand off of you. “Fucking look what you did Alessia! I don’t want you okay, you’re confusing me and i don’t need that. I just want someone that loves me as much as i love them and you clearly don’t” you breathed out. The tears had found an escape in the corners of your eyes and they traveled down your cheeks. You wiped them away angrily and walked out of the door.

Why couldn’t Alessia just leave you alone. You were finally getting along with everyone, you found your person, football was going good but she just couldn’t let you be. You’ve hurt Victoria, the only person that cared about you enough to be there for you.

You took your phone out of your back pocket and called her. No answer.

“Vicky, lo lamento. I didn’t want that. I only want you and our picnic dates, your weird movie choices and your clumsiness. I’m so so sorry. I will explain everything if you give me the chance. Ik hou van jou.” you spoke.

You knew she never listened to her voicemail but it was worth a shot. Maybe she’d listen to it. You had to leave for camp tomorrow and somehow that felt worse than your situation here. You had to pretend everything was fine and you were thriving at Arsenal like always. And you had to leave Victoria, that just wasn’t fair. You don’t get the chance to make it right.

And even though you don’t have a choice in leaving, you want to stay, or even better, disappear.

A/N i don’t know what i’m writing anymore. It seems like the story is only getting more angsty and there has to be another part. Should r just disappear and move or something?

[angel-kyo]

Pay it no mind

Part XX

In which reader confesses their feelings to Gojo, but it seems these are not returned (maybe?).

Warnings: reader is on the receiving end of rejection (kinda), and the fact that I'm obsessed with unrequited love is a warning itself. Mentions of injuries, marriage, and... Huh, that's it.

Previous: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX, Part X, Part XI, Part XII, Part XIII, Part IV, Part XV, Part XVI, Part XVII, Part XVIII, Part XIX

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“Did you know [name] rejected a marriage proposal from the Zen'in?”

Satoru almost spat out the tea he was drinking upon hearing Ieiri’s words. Then he did his best to put on his nicest smile.

“And I thought you didn’t like cracking jokes, Shoko.” He laughed, but in reality, he could not find it funny.

“I wish I were joking,” she said taking her own cup to her lips.

Seriously, it’s not funny.

Why the Zen'in? Who among the Zen'in? Who was idiotic enough to…?

“I’m not sure of who exactly or why. All I gathered is mostly gossip,” Shoko went on, not allowing any more questions to form in Satoru’s mind. “But what I do know is that the rejection was not taken kindly.”

Of course, a rejection would not have been taken kindly by them, but it still puzzled Gojo, and by the look his friend had on her face, Shoko felt the same way. Was it even allowed to reject anyone from the Zen'in?

You did not come from a renowned sorcerers’ clan, for that reason you probably had no one who would fiercely push you into an arranged marriage, but it was also why it did not make sense that anyone related to the Zen'in had taken a special interest in you, someone who virtually had not a strong presence in the jujutsu world.

“When?” Satoru asked.

“Weeks ago, maybe more,” his companion stated.

Maybe around the time they started coming back with more wounds than explanations.

That led Shoko to the second half of her theory. Whoever you had made angry, had enough connections to keep stepping on your heels while you were out completing missions.

Shoko started digging into it after the last time you had come to her back from a battle. Your injuries had been bizarre for the simple routine mission you had told her you were going on that night, and after seeing the report of your mission, she noticed the curse you had fought had been misclassified. “That happens sometimes, it’s unfortunate it happened to them,” Ijichi had said, unaware that those misfortunes had been happening a lot with the missions assigned to you as of lately, as Shoko herself realized after looking at all reports from your missions of the last couple of months.

It could be someone from the higher-ups, but if I told that to Gojo, he might just go and kill them all.

Ieiri took a look at him. Judging by the thin line on his lips, he was in deep thought. Contrary to what Shoko had been expecting, she had surprised him, at least as much as one could surprise Gojo Satoru.

You did not tell him that either, huh, [name]?

“Don't think much of it,” Shoko said in an attempt to pull Gojo back to Earth, "[name] did not tell me anything, but if someone is holding a grudge and trying to do a number on them, I think...”

“I won’t let it happen,” Satoru’s voice sounded definitive. "I won't let anything happen to them."

I hope so, Shoko thought.

***

“Honey, I’m home!” Satoru cheerfully exclaimed upon crossing the door to your apartment.

You rolled your eyes in the kitchen. He had been doing that almost every evening when he came to visit you after work, and such visits had not been scarce either.

At this rate, the neighbors are really going to think he is living here.

“That smells good,” Satoru whispered in your ear, one of his arms already wrapping around your waist.

“You are just looking for a free meal.” You laughed and looked at him. “Why don’t you set the table?”

He nodded and was quick to leave your side to do as requested.

As you sat to eat together, you could not help but smile at how domestic it felt to have Satoru dinning with you any other night, even if he would sometimes leave for work or to sleep at his own place, it felt as if he was installing himself in your life more intimately.

You both talked about your day, your students, and overall, what you would be up to the following day. However, Satoru had left out his conversation with Shoko form earlier. As much as he wanted to know the details of what happened with the Zen'ins and ask why you had not said a word to him about it, he did not want to push for an explanation yet.

Maybe you had been coerced into not talking about it, or maybe you were trying to keep everything still given that the child Satoru (often with your help) was kind of looking after was also related to the Zen'in clan, and that had created discord between them and the Gojo families in the past.

The more Satoru thought about it, the more it appeared to him that the Zen'ins were trying to bug him with the idea of a marriage. He had always considered you family after all, and of course he would never allow his family to fall into a Zen'in’s claws.

***

It was unfair.

It was unfair how good Satoru looked after a shower.

He had taken a quick shower after dinner and changed into the spare clothes he kept at your place.

You were sitting in the living room trying to watch TV, but the man that had just walked in and taken his seat next to you was distracting.

“Like what you see?” he asked without looking at you as he browsed the channels on your TV.

When had he grabbed the remote? And why had you not realized you were staring at him?

“I… Don’t be ridiculous.” You turned your reddened face away from him and stood up. “I’m taking a shower.”

Satoru smiled as he watched you march away. He knew he was good-looking as a fact, but what he truly enjoyed was having that effect on you. It was only fair in his opinion; after all, you had the same effect on him.

Satoru looked at the screen in front of him but did not feel like watching anything, so he turned it off and walked to your room.

He heard the water running when he passed by the bathroom door, and he assumed you were still in there, so he went right to your bed. He sat down and that was when he noticed the drawer of your bedside table had not been closed properly.

He had no intention of snooping, but the cover of the book inside caught his eye, so he took it.

Pride and Prejudice.

Satoru observed it. It was a used copy but in pretty good shaped. His first thought was that you must have obtained it from a secondhand store.

Why would they put the book in the drawer and not on the shelf with the rest of their collection, though?

Satoru knew you read a little bit of everything, but he did not know you were a fan of romance, let alone of Austen, but he would not have teased you for it... Or maybe just a little.

He opened the book on the first page and the hand-written dedication under the novel’s name seemed to answer his question as it read:

"My affections and wishes are unchanged." – I.H.

Satoru immediately knew whom those initials belonged to.

He closed the book and threw it back into your drawer as fast as if it had burned him.

----------------------

Note: This part was initially going to be longer, but at some point, it got divided into two parts. Oh, well... I should get a breather for a couple weeks now that the semester is over, so hopefully I can upload that not too far away in the future.

Thanks for reading!

Next: Part XXI

@mavs-stuff @witchbybirth @crookedlyaddictedone-blog @tqd4455 @maybe-a-bi-witch @mo0nforme @maliakealoha @zacatecanaaaa @blushhpeachh @astriarose @missesgojosatoru @ba-ks @sukunasleftkneecap @songbirdlully @cole-silas @heijihattorisgf @chokesonspit @hersheyzzz @smolbeanzzz @luciledreamz @avidreadee123 @moonmalice @ratscandaler @sadmonke @allie-jay @username23345 @spin-garden @ashehateaccount @kayzens @blehtotheblehtothebleh @stellasloth @bloopsstuff @cheesemachine44 @tetsuski @rosellerinfrost @catowru @bi-narystars

[steddieas-shegoes]

Read Supportive Uncle Wayne Series Part 1 first :)

————————————————————————

Eddie and Steve slept for hours, while Wayne sat waiting. He kept a few crossword puzzles by his designated chair for the times he sat with Eddie, but this time, he couldn’t focus on anything but the way Steve and Eddie kept moving closer to each other in small ways in their sleep.

He’d considered waking Steve up a few times just so he didn’t have to watch his back and neck bend at such an impossible angle.

But god, he was resting.

Wayne wasn’t interrupting any sleep that boy got.

But he watched them both curl into each other incrementally, barely moving, yet always closer together every time Wayne looked at them.

Steve’s face was almost completely buried against Eddie’s “good” hip. If you asked Wayne, he didn’t have a good hip, he just had less stitches on one side.

Eddie’s right hand was placed in Steve’s on the bed, and his left hand was holding onto Steve’s hair for dear life. Like if he let go, Steve would disappear entirely.

From what Wayne knew of Steve so far, he wouldn’t be going anywhere unless he was physically forced.

Eddie’s body was relaxed, the drugs constantly flowing through the IV probably keeping him from experiencing any major pain. He had more stitches in his body than a sweater, and Wayne had no idea how he would heal physically or mentally from any of what happened.

But Wayne was honestly more worried for Steve.

Steve, the boy who had been exhausted since he was a small child, the boy who had refused medical care to make sure Eddie wasn’t alone or scared, the boy always secretly ready to let someone down.

He knew Richard Harrington. He knew how much of a showboat he was, how he never did anything unless it benefitted him personally or led to financial gain. Wayne even remembered shortly after Steve was born, he took an ad in the newspaper for a nanny who was willing to work ‘most days of the week and some nights, minimum wage, cooking and cleaning expected.’ Within a week, Richard and his wife Anne, were gone more than they were home.

Wayne wasn’t much for socializing or he probably would have caught Steve out and about with the nanny often. God knows Richard and Anne weren’t going to run errands.

But looking at the young adult in front of him, he had to think maybe it was a good thing Richard didn’t dig his claws in too deep. He knew if he had, Eddie would have been sitting alone right now, and Steve would be at some Ivy League college becoming something he didn’t even realize he didn’t want until it was too late.

Eddie visibly tensed, his body suddenly going rigid.

Steve was awake and fretting over Eddie before Wayne could even stand up from his chair.

“What hurts? Is it your side? I was hurting you wasn’t I? I’m sorry, Eds, really. I didn’t…”

“Steve. Please shut up. I wanted you there.”

Wayne noticed when Eddie spoke, his voice was raspy from disuse. He was still tense, but he was forcing a smile for Steve’s sake.

Wayne wasn’t having that. No matter how much Steve cared about Eddie, and Eddie cared about Steve, he wasn’t about to let either of them lie about their health.

“I’ll go get the nurse.”

Steve and Eddie both turned to look at Wayne when he spoke, cheeks red with embarrassment.

“Oh, didn’t know you were here.”

Eddie was still forcing a smile, but now it was pointed at Wayne like he wouldn’t see how fake it was.

Like he didn’t know all of Eddie’s tells since he was 13 and trying to hide how scared he was about living with him.

Wayne didn’t respond, just left the room to grab Janet, who sat alone at the nurse’s station during calmer periods in the chaos.

He hurried back in while she got the doctor on staff to see that Steve was helping Eddie adjust himself a bit in bed.

“Damn bats, Jesus Christ!”

Eddie let out a loud yelp and Steve froze.

“What was that?”

“What wasn’t it at this point?”

Eddie was breathing heavily, and his heart monitor started beeping more frantically.

“Son, you need to sit still until the doctor gets in here.”

Wayne wasn’t about to watch him hurt himself more and it didn’t seem like Steve knew how to make it better or stop him on his own.

“My side hurts like this.”

“I think your side will hurt any which way you try to be.”

Steve placed a hand on Eddie’s cheek, gently turning his face so he was looking at only Steve.

“You can be still for a minute, right? For me?”

Wayne’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

“Yeah.”

Wayne’s jaw was practically on the floor.

He’d been in charge of Eddie for 7 years and had never once been able to get him to listen the first time. Not a single time.

Before he could say anything, the doctor came in, followed by a handful of nurses, including Janet.

Janet sent him a smile, but hurried over to stand next to the doctor at Eddie’s bed.

“Well, Mr. Munson. You sure are lucky.”

“I’ll feel a lot luckier when I’m not in pain.”

“Where does it hurt?”

Eddie glared at the doctor. Steve glared at Eddie.

“Mostly my side. My chest hurts a little and my left hip and leg are sore.”

“Your left side is in pretty rough shape. You’ve got about 298 stitches holding you together.” The doctor checked his pupils and his heart rate before continuing. “Go ahead and start another morphine drip, same dose as before.”

The doctor turned to Wayne.

“He’s probably going to sleep the next dose off over the next 24 hours, so you can head home. We’ll call if he wakes up earlier.”

The doctor turned to Steve, deep frown on his face.

“You, too. He needs rest.”

Steve was refusing to make eye contact with anyone at this point and Wayne was almost certain he knew why.

Steve’s father wasn’t known for being a particularly kind or loving man. One wouldn’t have to think too hard to come to the conclusion that he was harder on his son than anyone else. The doctor was speaking to him in a way that would have made Wayne’s hackles rise for Eddie, and they did for Steve too.

“I think Steve should stay.”

Wayne wasn’t going to let either of his boys go without each other if it meant they’d get some sleep.

“We do recommend that Eddie have very limited visitors.”

“If I may,” Janet spoke up. “Steve’s been here the entire time and it hasn’t affected Eddie’s sleeping. We can’t be everywhere all the time so it would be nice for someone to stay with him and come get us if he wakes up again.”

The doctor gritted his teeth together but gave a single nod before exiting the room. Most of the nurses followed behind while Janet made herself busy playing with the buttons on Eddie’s IV pole.

“Thanks Janet. What’s that doctor’s problem?” Wayne asked as he made his way to the bed.

“He came in while you were downstairs and saw the um, sleeping arrangement. He wasn’t too fond of you seeming so close.”

“We can be more careful,” Eddie mumbled, body slowly relaxing into the bed.

“Or he can just deal with it,” Janet shrugged.

She sent a wink to Steve, then turned to Wayne.

“He should be feeling a lot better now. Right Eddie?”

“This is way better than the stuff I have.”

Wayne shook his head, but couldn’t help but smile at his nephew’s antics.

“I won’t ask questions I don’t want the answer to,” Janet said as she walked out of the room. She turned to wave and then closed the door to give them all some privacy.

Wayne looked down at Eddie.

He was so pale. He’d lost so much weight in the last week, and he barely had any to give to begin with. His hair was dirty and greasy, and despite Steve and Janet giving his face and arms a wipe down, he still had dirt under his nails.

Wayne didn’t know the details of what happened. They said it was earthquake related, but he knew better. He knew if this was just an earthquake, Steve wouldn’t have stood guard by his bed for days on end.

He was just glad Eddie was alive and awake.

He placed a hand on his right shoulder.

“I’m glad to hear your voice, kiddo.”

Eddie’s eyes were glassy and his smile was much brighter than before when he responded.

“Glad you hear my voice, too. Have you met Steve? He’s my boyfriend. Or maybe not? I want him to be though. Do you think he likes me?”

Wayne looked over at a bright red Steve, then smiled down at Eddie.

“I think he likes you a lot, kid. You get some rest. Steve will still be here when you wake up, alright?”

“You too?”

“Sure.”

So Wayne stayed, and Steve stayed. Wayne watched them both as Eddie slept.

Steve didn’t fall back asleep. He looked like he needed to, but any time his eyes started to slip shut, he shook his head and widened his eyes trying to fight it.

“Steve?”

“Yes, sir?”

Wayne watched as Steve’s body curled in on itself defensively.

“None of that. You can call me Wayne.” When Steve nodded, Wayne continued. “Whoever you are to Eddie, I hope you know you’ve got me, okay? I know Eddie must like ya a whole lot for him to say any of what he did regardless of the drugs in his system. And you must like him a whole lot to not leave his side this long. But you gotta get some rest, son.”

“I take naps in the chair sometimes.”

“A nap ain’t rest. Especially not if you’ve been through war.”

“I…”

“You don’t have to tell me. I’m sure I shouldn’t know. But I been there. And I’m not lettin’ ya suffer the way I did when I came home.”

Steve’s eyes were watering and Wayne knew if he watched this boy cry, he’d be done for.

So when Steve’s first tear fell, Wayne got up and joined Steve on the other side of the bed, pulling him out of the chair and into his arms.

Steve was injured, and hadn’t had proper medical attention or pain medication, but he ignored it to fall apart in Wayne’s arms.

“That’s alright now. Let it out, son. Let it out.”

Wayne felt a tear fall down his own cheek. He couldn’t have possibly predicted this moment, but he knew he was meant to be in it.

He was meant to be here with Steve, providing something the boy needed for a long, long time.

He was meant to be someone for Steve the same way he was meant to be someone for Eddie.

[nights-at-crystarium]

i just wanted to pop by and gush about how incredibly well written vivi is because GOD. his story unfolding has made me reconsider several story beats about my wol and thats an amazing thing

theres two things that i think uve done especially well with his storytelling, being that vivi feels like an almost complete enigma to the reader, despite how intimate this story is, and the fact that vivi feels incredibly human - almost TOO human to be comfortable with

so to elaborate on the first point - i think a lot of us (and certainly i can) echo thancreds sentiment that he doesn't know vivian rell, because as intimate as this story can get with his pov, in the end, much like someone you'd meet in real life, we don't know much about him before the point we meet him, and any glimpses we get just signal that theres so much more to him than we get to see. and as much as we DO know about him, i find that every time he does one of his blank, furrowed stares that signal he's thinking something, my brain practically lights on fire trying to figure out what he's considering. to that end i really like how enigmatic uve made him from a storytelling perspective, because it makes him feel so much more real!!! i honestly look forward a lot to learning more fragments (heh) of him and slowly piecing together a puzzle of him as the story goes on. i just want to rotate him in my head lol

but also, this does segue into my other point really well, which is the fact that vivis position as wol really seems to wear on him, and he seems for lack of a better word, completely exhausted! i know (myself included) write their wols with a trait of an almost unbreakable, iron will, which is very much still true in vivis case (again, anyone who gets to the point of shadowbringers without flat out giving up is incredibly strong by default) but showing him at his wits end, exhausted with the burdens of a hero, someone just so throughly *done* with what is, realistically, a pretty shit job is well... yeah! of course he is! he's only human, and he's what, saved the world 3 times now? seen countless die before him, powerless to save them, of course he's numb. the fact that the most defining experiences of the first for him are filled with mostly such... benign experiences, and that the major, climatic moments of shadowbringers get as much fanfare as a forlong gaze, or a like. him hanging out with his fairy bestie is such a cool storytelling decision. (also before i ramble about this the decision to not even show tesleen is such an excellent decision bc like. it makes sense for him for this to not be such a significant moment. shes just another death, another tally to the thousands hes already seen. or maybe im reading WAYYY too hard into a decision to not highjack this love story with plot) basically, what i've been gushing about is the fact that vivi feels very much like a whole person, and is probably one of the most well realised wols ive ever read about. and his relationships with the world leaders, and this impossible burden hes forced to shoulder has gotten me to reconsider how i write my wol, because yeah! any hero might be strong-willed and resilient, but theyre still human, and the burden of a warrior of light is maybe, a little too much for anyone to bear.

i hope u could at least make something out of my rambles, but honestly to sum it all up i am incredibly captivated by vivi. i originally read fragments because i like ANY wolgraha content but now, i come back almost exclusively to see how vivi's story unfolds, and how graha eventually comes into the fold too. hes such a fascinating character, and i think youve done an incredible job of creating a well rounded hero, full of humanity!!! (also, if you want, feel free to post this on ur blog!!)

I think I shat myself like 5 times while reading this (positive)

Vivi being an enigma wasn't really part of the plan. We have a pool that's his lore, things I wanna tell, and a bottleneck through which it has to go. The comic format forces me to consider what bits of info to deliver when, there's only so much I can tell at a time. One deliberate choice I made is completely burn the bridge between ARR and ShB, skip, leave it empty. That already sparks questions when we see a different Vivi at the beginning of ShB (and gives me leeway, time to write with more nuance, I didn't Think about HW-SB in such scrupulous detail as ShB).

I wanted to tell a primarily ShB story from the start, but had less ambition, and planned to condense the angsty bits that you're reading nowadays into an infodump told by Vivi to no one (to the reader). Changing the receiving party to a tangible character who's eager to learn (Exarch) made the info easier to digest and anchored it in the world. This change, fwiw, happened in like 2022 while I drew the ARR arc, saw the warm reception, and got more excited about my thing. I constantly learn and try to improve, writing's a new toy that brings me tons of fun.

So, when I learned the new trick - telling things through other characters - I thought, why not make everyone slightly wrong, or rather, with a specific snapshot of Vivi in their head. Same happens irl, people only know the version of you that they're exposed to, the only person who knows the full and real you is you.

That brings me to the next point, why Vivi feels so human: I made him not as a wol/hero, but a guy I wanna ship with Exarch, his foil. Obligatory note it was dumb of me to ignore Emet's existence in that case, but that's already changed. Exarch denies himself the simple human joys, he plots his own fucking death, so I thought I'd give him a guy that teaches him how to enjoy being alive again. That was THE foundation of Vivi, his core. He's a manic pixie dream boy.

Then I started asking how and why: why he falls for Exarch specifically instead of ARRRaha? He's confident, selfish, casual (these traits are what Exarch lacks), emotionally intelligent, where did that come from? He must've had an utterly normal life and loving family before he became a hero. He grew up being appreciated and happy. OH, then his ass must LOATHE the current situation because he can't go back to that normal life! So on, so forth.

i find that every time he does one of his blank, furrowed stares that signal he's thinking something, my brain practically lights on fire trying to figure out what he's considering.

This's me carefully dropping the breadcrumbs and hoping that you notice them, and you go HOLY SHIT BREADCRUMBS, this's so validating ;w; <3 This's overtly called a story hook, though I prefer "door". So far this story's only opened doors, as in hinted at more stuff without immediately showing it. I love it when questions get delayed answers, when you get time to stew on it and build up anticipation, then, when the door finally closes, it's much more satisfying. I keep in mind all the doors I've opened, if something provokes a question, it's by design.

(also before i ramble about this the decision to not even show tesleen is such an excellent decision bc like. it makes sense for him for this to not be such a significant moment. shes just another death, another tally to the thousands hes already seen. or maybe im reading WAYYY too hard into a decision to not highjack this love story with plot)

You're 100% correct!! I'm not retelling the canon ShB story from a default wol pov, this's a custom thing focused on ships, therefore anything that doesn't contribute to said ships gets cut. You may read what's NOT shown as what Vivi doesn't pay attention to.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, this gave me so much motivation like you wouldn't know ;//////;

[zombiequeenblog]

The Sadness

A little hurt/comfort with Papa Emeritus IV to cheer me up, and hopefully you as well if you need it!

Mature ~ 1,500 words ~ ao3

Papa Copia x Sister of Sin

A frantic little knock on Papa Copia’s door and then I stood there for a moment, alone in cold bare feet, only to turn to flee within the space of another tightened breath. His sudden words of puzzled greeting caught me only a few steps down the hall and I came right back, as sure as if he’d taken me by the hand.

“I’m sorry, Papa.” I couldn’t explain, but I felt almost hysterical inside.

“Mia cara, what’s the matter?” Papa stood there, just outside his doorframe, frowning down at my feet and clad all cozy in his shabby faded smoking robe, a calming dusty blue; old shredded slippers just barely hanging on to their existence on his own feet. His lined face bare and shiny with moisturizer, salt and pepper hair combed back and still a bit damp. Reading glasses perched low on his nose, with a paperback in his hand. I’d caught him all ready for bed. Well, of course I had, it was fairly late, wasn’t it?

I shouldn’t even be here.

“Nothing, Papa. Goodnight.”

I turned to go for real this time, but then I felt his touch, tentative on my shoulder, and I stopped. Copia turned me right around again to face him.

“Come in, dolcezza.”

I only looked down at his slippers, but I allowed him to lead me inside. Papa shut the door, tossing his book upon a side table there, and at that sound I could feel something breaking inside me; my brain plummeting all the way down to my feet as he turned back to me. I was crying.

“Dolcezza! What has happened? Amore mio…”

The floodgates had opened, and caustic tears were pouring down my face, spurred on by choking sobs I tried in vain to hold back. Copia had been holding me before him by the shoulders, quizzically trying to meet my eyes, but now he pulled me towards him and enveloped me into a tight hug, his hand firm and warm on the back of my head. “What is wrong, tesoro mio bello?” his whispered voice begged of me.

Sniffing in his scent, I rolled my face along his chest, just crying, and crying, and feeling incapable of an answer, too unworthy to even hug him back. I felt the most worthless I had ever felt in a good long while. Copia let me cry.

But I felt that I should at least try to clarify this insanity, if I even could. “Nothing’s wrong, Papa!” I nearly wailed against him, “I just feel so sad.” Another devolution into tears. “So incredibly, utterly, sad. And for literally no reason!”

“Aaahh… eh?” Copia was gently rubbing my back, and he began to sway me back and forth a little where we stood, “Oh, ah… okay.”

The slight tone of bewilderment in his voice made me laugh only a little, right in the midst of all of my senseless crying. With effort, I summoned some steady breaths to explain. “I think my goddamned period is coming.”

I could feel Papa’s body lighten with the clarification. “Aaah, si, dolcezza!” He was brushing my hair off my tear-wet cheeks, and stooped down a little to press a gentle kiss to my forehead. “The fucking hormones, yes?”

I nodded against him with an anguished smile. “The fucking hormones.”

My voice was cracking in my swollen throat, and my wet eyes burned. It felt as though my lungs were being squeezed within my chest, and fresh sobs soon spilled out of me anew. “Mia cara, mia cara, let me get you something,” he was saying, leading me over to sit down in one of his antique chairs, right beside the fire. A freezing dread sat solid and heavy within me, filling me up with a meaningless despair I simply couldn’t shake off, though I knew, I knew it absolutely wasn’t rational.

Papa took his glasses off and moved away to rummage in a far corner, murmuring something about tea and chocolate.

“Can I… can I just stay here for a little while, Papa?” Standing up, I undid my habit and let it slip down off my shoulders to the floor, shivering in despair even in front of the warming fire. “I don’t think I’m bleeding yet… we can still… if you want to…” I could feel my face suddenly breaking apart in anguish, and I clapped my hands up to cover it quickly, just sobbing into my hands as I stood there naked in the firelight, as if I would never, could never, ever ever stop.

Almost immediately, I felt something soft and warm placed around my shoulders, and Copia was holding me again, having wrapped me right up in his very own robe.

“Shhh… shhh… let’s save that for another time, amore mio… amore mio… let it out, eh?”

Whispered endearments were being poured upon me from his lips into my hair, as I cried into his silk pyjamas, the scent of his evening shower still wafting off his skin underneath. I felt so incredibly useless, and held so gently in Papa’s care I simply told him so, after I could catch a solid breath. I tried to convey how stupidly wretched my treacherous brain was making me feel, and his head nodded above me.

“It’s idiotic, Papa!” I cried.

“That may be, dolcezza mia,” he agreed, “but there’s no harm in feeling it through, talking it out, eh?”

“Yes, Papa,” I sniffed, nodding myself now.

We swayed together there again, warm by the fire as I listened to it crackle beside us. When I felt my swirling thoughts begin to settle, I let myself name each one.

“I’m not pretty,” I began, and he openly scoffed.

“Not true in the slightest, bellissima,” he stated, squeezing me against him tighter.

“I have horrible handwriting, Papa,” I continued, “when I wrote in Sister’s birthday card last week it looked positively shameful…”

“Imperator hates her birthdays, bella,” Papa cut me off with a chuckle, “She throws her cards away, every single year. I’ve seen it.”

I would have chuckled too, but my throat was stiffening up with the saddest thought of all. “My father never loved me.” My words fell out so hopeless.

“Oh, bella…” Letting me go to cradle my face within his hands, Copia tilted me up to look at him. “My father never loved me either!” He said it with a tragic levity, shrugging his shoulders like we shared something funny between us.

It was funny, and I finally laughed.

Papa bundled me up into his arms again as I laughed as if the act were unfamiliar to me. I laughed and chuckled until I almost began crying once more.

“Come, come, dolcezza mia… veni,” he was saying, “Come to bed with me now.”

He was leading me slowly across the room as he spoke, and I felt so completely exhausted now I would have settled wherever he had put me. “I have some snacks, eh? And I can even make some tea with what I have in here, bella. I, ah, thought I might watch a movie tonight… will you join me?”

“Yes, Papa,” I choked out, so grateful for him, “that sounds completely lovely…”

“Good, mia cara, si…” Copia was rubbing my shoulders as we came to his grand four poster, “now crawl on in… get!” He patted my butt playfully.

Papa’s bed was firm, the sheets already thrown back from when he must have settled down into it earlier. Getting in, I lay back on some soft pillows, pulling the thick blankets up over my shoulder to sink right into the comfort of his refuge. I was still wearing his robe. Everything smelt as he did, warm and aromatic. Just laying there, I watched him putter around a bit in his room, stoking up the fire and checking his kettle in the other corner.

Eventually, Copia went around to the other side of his bed, kicking his slippers off and getting in beside me with a satisfied grunt. To have him so near, in the flesh, was better than anything else in this moment, and I snuggled up against him with a sigh when he put his arm around me, tugging me even closer.

“Have the cramps come yet?” he asked me.

“Not yet, Papa.”

“The bathroom’s got everything you might need later, cara,” he told me, fishing his hand about the blankets for the remote. The little television perched on a trolly at the end of the bed was paused, and I recognized the intro of a Dracula movie, one of Papa’s favourites. “Is this alright, amore mio?”

“It’s just perfect, Papa,” I said, “perfect considering all the blood that’s coming…”

Copia chuckled, and kissed my forehead again, and I shut my eyes, my head on his shoulder, listening contentedly to the doomed piano and foreboding strings of Kilar’s Dracula - the beginning start to fill the room. “The year… 1462…”

I wasn’t sure if I could even stay awake right to the end, but I knew it didn’t matter. Papa had me safe and loved beside him, exactly where I needed to be. The merest fluttering of hope began to awaken deep inside me, underneath all of the unwarranted despair and darkness. I began to believe that perhaps tomorrow might be better, and that I wouldn’t feel so sunken in this awful manner for too long. Papa understood. And I had all the time that I needed to purge this imbalanced sadness before the new and clear morning.

All would be well once again.

[antiodote]

she can't finish and they fight - part IV

warnings: strong language, somewhat disturbing imagery

“what could go wrong? except for absolutely everything?”

part I, II & III

/ / /

y/n opened and closed the door as quietly as she possibly could. her effort of not waking her temporary roommate was in vain though, as jane was happily munching down on some takeout while rewatching her favourite episodes of new girl. without turning away from the TV, jane spoke.

“11:02 pm, that’s a new record, girl! do they chain you to your damn desks or what?” 

her remark makes y/n chuckle, more out of frustration than amusement, though. coming home at this hour on a monday night was indeed a new record for her. without saying a word, she leaves her bag and coat at the door and moves to sit next to her friend. she steals a slice of her pizza and digs in without much thought, staring straight ahead and trying to catch up on what was happening on the episode. both of them were aware, however, that she was entirely elsewhere, mentally. so, jane stops the episode to gain her friend’s attention. 

“rough day?” 

y/n turns to face her friend and sighs in defeat.

“rough day, week or month? honestly, I can’t even tell anymore.” her shoulders slump and her gaze wanders as she searches for a way to describe her current emotional well-being or lack thereof. “I just feel exhausted, like, all the time.” 

a short pause makes the air thick between them before jane comments.

“y/n…”

the exhausted one looks up to her friend to find her concerned expression etched deeply into her pretty features. suddenly, she feels a warm hand graze its way upwards the length of her arm, stopping to softly grab her shoulder. 

“you’re burnt out, angel. maybe take some time off, hm? I’m sure you’ll benefit from it-“

“jane, I can’t. you know that I can’t.”

her friend was not having it. “why not, y/n?”

“jane, please. can we not do this right now?”

“you always say that. you never let me help you-“

“you’re helping more than you know already! if it wasn’t for you I’d be homeless.” 

jane took a deep breath to brace herself for what she was about to say.

“and why is that, y/n?”

the girl looked at her friend, puzzled. 

“what are you on about?”

“why are you in this situation, y/n?”

she groaned. “don’t fucking make me say it.”

before jane could interject, y/n put her hand up in protest. it was as if the bare notion of speaking about the recent happenings in her life made her physically ill. and honestly, it did. 

they say a broken heart can kill. what about a broken soul? what does that do to a person? y/n didn’t know. all she did know was that she felt like the life had been sucked out of her, and not in a good way. 

it was terrible. so, so truly terrible and horrifying.

y/n looked at her friend, who looked at her apologetically. she sighed, her walls slowly crumbling. 

“I am in this situation, my dearest jane, because…”

y/n got up instantaneously to fetch herself a drink from the tiny bar cart right across from where they were sitting because it just felt like that kind of night. the silence felt thick and heavy and goopy and greasy and it felt like drowning in a pool of tar. however, as soon as the bitter taste of alcohol hit her tongue and ran down her throat, things felt a little less thick and heavy and goopy and greasy and like drowning in a pool of tar.

so, y/n chuckled. 

“I am here because my lovely boyfriend kicked me out. wonderful, right? now, why did you make me say it?” 

y/n drowns her drink before pouring herself another one. 

“and why did he do that, hmm? what made your angel of your boyfriend treat you like that?” 

y/n turned around, facing jane. she was honestly offended at what she was insinuating.

“are you seriously trying to blame me for what happened?”

“oh, don’t you dare. you know damn well why I’m bringing this up, y/n.”

“please, enlighten me.”  she said, as the third drink was in the process of being consumed. 

jane sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose with her index finger and thumb. 

“god, y/n. look, I know you’re miss independent, as you should be! you’re strong and capable and one of the most resilient and successful people I know. however, and this is a big one, with how you don’t let your loved ones help you with anything at all, and with how you put work over anything, you’re doing yourself more harm than good. no, it doesn’t make you weak to ask for help, and it doesn’t make you incompetent to take a few steps back from work. you need a life, y/n. an actual life, not one where you keep running away from your problems and pretend like you’re the only person you can count on. it makes me feel like you’re shutting me out, and it probably made harry feel helpless as well. I’m not saying what he did was right, god no. what I am saying, though, is that the longer you keep doing this to yourself, the higher the chance is that you will end up alone.” 

y/n doesn’t think she owns a knife sharp enough to cut the tension in the room. she looks at jane, who is red in the face with frustration, and tries to find some sort of flaw in her logic. she doesn’t know if this is some sort of fight for dominance, or just a friend expressing her concerns. y/n wonders if she lost the ability to trust anyone. 

she truly wasn’t up for this kind of conversation right now.

“jesus, jane. time-out, please. I know you mean well, but I really can’t do this right now.”

jane sighs, y/n can no longer face her friend, and things feel uncomfortable. 

“look, y/n, I get it. I really do. but don’t let your trauma stand in the way of what you truly deserve. you deserve a fulfilling career, not a soul-crushing one, and you deserve help, especially when the people who love you want to do nothing more. it doesn’t matter if you feel like you need it or not, because everyone needs it. you’re human, dude. try acting like one.”

and with that, jane got up from the couch and made her way to her room. she turned around halfway to say an earnest “I love you” to her friend, but she was staring straight at the bottom of her glass in misery. 

the tears started flowing before she could help it, but she was entirely silent. she missed the time when things weren’t this messy. she missed feeling strong and most of all, happy. 

and she also missed him, terribly so. and this time, she couldn’t help but stare straight at the obvious: she missed him more and more, every day.

she also missed the person that she was when they were together and was starting to wonder if she needed him to get her back. 

/ / /

monday, 9:02 am. 

harry had not seen y/n since their fight and he had honestly almost gotten used to her absence. it didn’t feel good to not have her around, but it didn’t drive him to a near overdose anymore. 

where once used to be a feeling of existential dread and depression, now lives an ongoing flow of anxiety and panic. because he has to face her, today. for the sake of his friends. at least that’s what he tells himself.

a sudden sickness overcomes him for the umpteenth time within the last few days which makes him stop mid-run.  

in through the nose. hold your breath. one. two. three. release through the mouth. repeat. 

just like she had taught him. 

god fucking dammit. 

harry was now aggravated, more than anything. but he knew, no matter how negative his emotions were today, he had to go through with it. for mitch and sarah. and himself. 

he arrived back home and took an icy shower. he thought it might help him be less of a wuss and prepare for the task at hand. but alas, his balls were still buried somewhere deep within him. so, time passes. 

11 am.

12 pm. 

1 pm.

2 pm. 

3 pm. 

4 pm. 

by the time 5 pm rolled around, he had to chuckle bitterly. any other person would’ve been on their way home by now. but his lovely y/n was probably still buried knee-deep in any kind of work that was given to her. it pained him to think about her in stress and exhaustion. it pained him even more that she probably didn’t even realise how she was working herself to death.

he fondly remembers the time when she was the epitome of a free spirit; when nothing could worry her and life was a gift that she happily embraced with open arms. now, it seemed, she was trapped in a vicious cycle of self-destruction. it felt like the walls around her were at an all-time high. harry didn’t know if he could be the one to save her, if that was even within the realm of what she could possibly want. and honestly, for now, that didn’t even matter. they had a wedding to attend. everything else could be resolved afterwards. 

as soon as that very thought came to him, harry wanted to punch himself in the face for how utterly stupid and selfish he sounded. well, if he’s lucky, y/n will do that job for him. at least then he could feel her touch again.

6 pm. 

enough is enough.

harry fought the urge to throw up once more before he left the house. he decided to purposefully ignore the mind-numbing screams inside of his brain telling him to not leave the house ever again; to stay in his bed until he starved, shrivelled up and died without anybody ever having to look at his miserable figure again. the anxiety that has been constantly bubbling at the back of his throat like a jacuzzi in the french alps told him to never speak to y/n again. that they hurt each other and that he was in no way capable of fixing anything. as a matter of fact, he was certainly only going to make it worse. nevertheless, he pushed through, he had to. for mitch and sarah, or whatever. 

he arrived at her office building at 6:23 pm. before he could think too much about it, he left his car, headed towards the building, greeted the intern at the front desk, got into the elevator and pressed number seven in it to get to y/n. easy enough, so far. 

or so he thought.

when the elevator dinged to signal his arrival on the 7th floor, the sliding doors opened to reveal maude, y/n’s sweet coworker, who was probably leaving for the day. she saw him and harry wished he had just waited in the car for two more minutes. 

“harry! sweet boy, how are you? it’s been ages! give me a hug you handsome thing!”

while harry’s neck was dragged down by maude’s short arms, panic rose in his gut as he became painfully aware of how y/n must’ve been alerted of his presence with how loud maude had just greeted him. matter of fact, the whole office must be aware now. 

“hi maude, good to see you. I’m actually looking for y/n, is she still at her desk?”

unbeknownst to him, y/n was definitely aware of his presence. just like he had suspected, she was made aware by maude’s overly excited greeting. the second she figured he was here she wanted to hide, run, possibly jump out of the window. she wanted to do whatever she could to not face him. not right now, not ever. she wasn’t ready. so, while maude kindly offered to walk harry to y/n’s desk and bombard him with small talk in the meantime, she took the initiative and ran, as unsuspecting as possible, to the bathroom to at least try and get some proper air in her lungs. hopefully, no one saw the sheer panic in her expression.

harry and maude came to y/n’s desk to find it empty. 

“oh, this is weird. I swear she was here just a moment ago.” maude said, looking around the room in a confused manner. harry had an inkling that his earlier suspicions were indeed correct. she knew he was here.

“I’m sure she just went to the bathroom, maude. I can wait here, thank you.”

before harry could interject, maude offered to wait with him. “I don’t always get the chance to have you all to myself, harry! need to use it, don’t I?” 

they both laughed at her attempted, slightly inappropriate joke. harry shrugged it off and blamed it on the fact that the woman is the same age as some of her aunts or her mother, even. lord knows, maybe she genuinely enjoyed his presence. 

while they continued their chitchat, y/n had yet to properly calm down. what was she going to do? does she face him? could she? was there an alternative? not really, she thought. she had to come out before it raised any suspicion. not that people cared, really. she just didn’t want to make a fuss. however, the thought of facing him right now made her want to rip her nails out, one by one.

her frantic back and forth through the office bathroom came to a halt when someone else came in. she tried to smooth over her anxiety by pretending to have just left a stall and make her way to the sinks in a calm and collected fashion, though, anybody could probably smell her nerves from miles and miles away. she washes her hands, rapidly, and takes a good look at herself afterwards. her hair was in place, her suit somewhat clean and her makeup looked good enough. to strangers and coworkers, she probably looked fine. she knew, however, that harry would probably see the pain in her. she wonders what would cross his mind when he lays his eyes on her. then she thinks again, a sudden rage aflame within her. she shouldn’t care what he thinks. after all, the bastard kicked her out! the newfound emotion was enough to carry her feet from her current position to her desk. purposeful strides, stiff back and high nose.

here goes nothing.

when she gets back to her desk, she finds maude telling harry some story about a comically large fruit she saw at the farmers market. harry seemed to listen to every word until he found y/n to be standing in front of them. they looked at each other for the first time since their fight but had no time to dwell on any emotions as maude filled the silence instantaneously. 

“there you are! your lovely beau is here to pick you up, lucky girl! do you know where you’ll be having dinner tonight? oh, there is this wonderful italian place that I went to recently, let me give you the address!”

maude rummaged through her handbag to retrieve her phone and look up said address, which gave harry and y/n enough time to exchange glances. harry knew that she did not want to involve her coworkers in her personal life, which meant that as of right now, she was probably going to lie. 

“yeah, I’m one lucky girl, huh? don’t worry about the address, though. I’m sure harry’s made reservations somewhere. thank you, though!”

he did know her too well. 

the smile and tone she put on were enough to fool the average person, so it was good enough for now. and honestly, he was glad she took the initiative, as he truly did not feel like having lovely maude know anything about them on a personal level. so, he played along.

“yes, I think we’re all set. we’ve been wanting to go there for a while, anyways. thank you so much, still!”

maude stopped looking for a phone and looked up at the supposed couple. “alright if you say so! I’ll just give y/n the address tomorrow so you lot can go there some other time. anyways, I’ll leave you two to it! have fun!” 

she bid her goodbye and walked towards the elevators once more. one last time she turns around with a devilish smile on her face as she practically shouts through the entire office: “also, I want to hear wedding bells for you two, soon! chop, chop!” 

she laughed as the pair went pale in the face and happily went on her merry way home. what she didn’t know was that the suggestion currently made both of them nauseous for a multitude of reasons that they, however, could not dwell on for too long. once maude left the building, the two of them forcefully faced each other.

y/n tried to look strong and determined. whatever happened, she wanted to stand her ground. harry had a goal that he was going to reach no matter what. 

“how are you?” he tried to ask carefully, but y/n wanted none of it.

“what are you doing here?” she asked, bitterness seething from her tone. 

harry knew the fight was pointless and wanted to get straight to his point. 

“look, I need to talk to you about something. it’s really important.” 

y/n first looked at him and then around to figure out her next move. a sudden need for fresh air made her speak up. 

“let’s go to the roof.”

/ / /

harry’s heart was practically beating in his throat. her presence made him utterly nervous and the stakes were really high, unfortunately. the quiet journey to their current location at the rooftop terrace of her office was tense enough, and he just hoped their conversation would be a little less so. he looked at a questioning y/n who had her arms crossed over her chest with her bum leaning on the railing. she looked unamused, so he had no time to waste.

“the wedding. mitch and sarah’s. it’s on friday.”

a sudden glimmer of surprise washed over her features. much to harry’s surprise, she had forgotten. in an instant, her face found purchase in her hands, a languid sigh leaving her mouth.

“fuck, I completely forgot. and the rehearsal dinner is-“

“tomorrow, yeah.” harry finished. 

“god, that’s why sarah called me. I thought it had something to do with you! I was supposed to get some things sorted out for-“

“I took care of it.” harry, once again, finished her sentence and chose to ignore the bad aftertaste of her statement.

her rushed rambling came to a halt and y/n gave harry a puzzled look. before she could ask, he explained himself.

“I figured that you might have some other shit to deal with, so I took care of it. you also took tomorrow off months ago, so don’t worry about it.”

she let his words linger. for some reason, she was more confused than before.

“uh, okay. thank you. why are you here then? you came all this way just to remind me?”

“well, no.” 

harry paused briefly, a sudden wave of anxiety hitting him. maybe this was too ridiculous but there was no going back now. he looked up and spoke.

“look… I know that things aren’t good between us at the moment, hell, I don’t even really know if an “us” exists right now. and I also know I’m not in the position to ask for any favours because-“

“-you kicked me out, correct.” 

once again, a defining silence hung in the air.

y/n looked at harry in way that somehow combined hurt, anger, disgust and maybe a tiny bit of longing, or so harry imagined. his own shame that is attached to the situation by thick, heavy chains pulled him down into a very specific sort of depression once more, almost knocking the air out of his lungs. he tries to move on, desperately.

“look, y/n-“

“say it. say that you kicked me out. then we can continue this conversation. say it first.” she demanded.

harry swallowed hard, the weight of y/n’s demand heavy in his heart. he understood that she needed him to acknowledge his actions, his mistake before he could ask anything of her. but even now, amidst all of the shame he felt, he was still hurt, himself. he was hurt by the fact that the woman he considered to be his forever didn’t trust him. he was hurt because she lied. he was hurt because she wouldn’t let him help her. he was hurt because apparently he was just another man to him, after everything. it made sense with her past, but the naive part in him thought they moved past it. alas, it seems like they haven’t. so, he says what she wants to hear. he closed his eyes for a brief moment, gathering his thoughts, and tried to summon the strength to confront the truth.

“yes, y/n. things went even more to shit between us after I kicked you out. after we fought because you lied to me and because we haven’t properly spoken in weeks. after I freaked out and did something that I will probably spend the rest of my life apologising to you for because it was an idiotic thing to do and truly, I am sorry. unbelievably so.”

y/n understood that she wasn’t the only one who was hurting. she was painfully aware of the fact that she had previously done some things to bring him to that point of mental and emotional torment. she knew that he wouldn't just treat her like that out of the blue or without reason, but even with all of that knowledge in her mind, it didn't make the situation any less painful. she looked at him with a look that could only be described as purely and utterly defeated. she thought about arguing with him, right then in there. she wanted to scream at him, to slap him right across his cheek and tell him to go to hell and to never speak to her again. but alas, she refrained from doing so. instead, she sighed, deeply, wiped away the flyaways that were stuck to her forehead and looked at him one more time.

“right. what is it that you wanted to talk about, harry? I really don’t have time for this.”

harry chose to ignore how her complete ignorance for his apology or her statement of utter disinterest stung him deep in his chest and continued.

“what I was going to say is that I know that I am in no position to ask her any favours because of-“ he paused and closed his eyes: “because of what happened. but I need us to ignore our personal drama for their sake. just for the rehearsal dinner and the wedding, that’s all.” 

y/n’s brows scrunched up in confusion. “what do you mean?”

harry felt more and more stupid as the conversation went on.

“look, they're some of my closest friends and they’ve been waiting for this wedding for too long. I know that sarah always acts like she’s whatever about anything and that mitch pretends he’s too cool to actually want a nice wedding, but I know that they both secretly deeply care about it, and I don't want to be the person to spoil it all. I don't want to be the person who draws the attention onto himself. I don't want our personal lives taking any attention away from them and potentially ruin it all for them, I could never live with myself if I or we did that to them. so, I guess what I'm trying to ask you is: do you think there is a possibility that we could press pause on this whole thing? the fight, I mean. I'm not saying that we need to do it for the entire week, only for the rehearsal dinner and for the wedding. let’s just try to be normal and grit our teeth the entire way through, if we have to. I’m only asking because I know that sarah would do everything in her power to figure out what was wrong, even if she was in the middle of that fucking dance floor and is supposed to be having the night or for life. I know that they will probably pull us aside and ask us a million questions because they've done it before, but I cannot do that to them. not on their wedding day. not when we should be giving them all of our attention. we might’ve spoiled this for us but I cannot and will not do even the slightest bit to spoil it for them.”

harry paused his rant to look at y/n, almost entirely sure to get rejected. however, he’s surprised to find her deep in thought. almost as if she was actually considering it.

“so, what do you say?” 

y/n knew how ridiculous this entire thing would probably end up being. she knew that if she even had to pretend for a second to hold his hand, or to laugh at his jokes, to dance with him or - god forbid - kiss him, she would end up either crying in pure agony, throw up in a random corner, or actually go clinically insane. but, despite it all, she understood where he was coming from and she was well aware that his request was rooted in place of sincerity. hell, the selfish part in her was even excited because this way she’d have two more days with him. two more days of pretending like everything was fine and nothing was bothering them. because realistically, it would all be over afterwards, anyway. so, she did the unthinkable-

“okay, I’m in.”

harry stared in disbelief. “really? you’re absolutely sure?” 

without missing a beat, she nodded. “I mean, you do have a point. I wouldn't want to spoil their wedding plans either. I'll try my best to suck it up for two days and we'll see where we’ll go from there, deal?” 

she stretched her hand out for him to shake. he looked at it hesitantly and decided that now was the best time to ask for the other pressing request on his mind. so, before shaking her hand, he continued.

“there is one more thing, y/n…” 

she pulled her hand back and nodded for him to go on.

“listen, you can absolutely say no to this, but I just wanted to put it on the table in case you were interested. I- I don’t even know where you’re staying right now. are you at jane’s?” 

she nodded once more, annoyed at how well he could calculate her moves.

“right. so, you know that our home-“

“your place.” she deadpanned. “I really don’t think I can refer to that place as ‘home’ right now, but go on.” 

once again her words stung but he tried his best to understand.

“right, uh, my place. you know it’s about two hours from the venue and getting there from jane’s apartment would make the journey almost 40 minutes longer. also, all your stuff is still at my place and I might need some help carrying all the things that sarah asked me to collect. also, we were supposed to help with the setup-“

“are you asking me to stay over?”

truthfully, he was asking her to come back, but he knew that it wasn’t going to be this easy. maybe, at this point, it was entirely impossible. but he tried his best, anyway.” 

“I’m just saying it would make everything run a bit more smoothly tomorrow. like I said, you can say no. I’ll just come and pick you up from jane’s or we can meet up at mine beforehand… whatever works for you.” 

once again, y/n’s selfish side overtook her mind. she suddenly became hyperaware of the fact that she could possibly share a bed with him tonight, have him wrap his strong arms around her sleeping figure and feel peaceful for the first time in what feels like forever. in another reality he might even fuck her senseless, and she wouldn’t even have to fake her orgasm. in another reality she wasn’t constantly stressed because of work and wasn’t constantly anxious because everything was falling apart around her. in another world it was just harry and her spending the night together in their shared home, doing all the things that couples do, before they help their friends with their rehearsal dinner. harry would never have to lock himself up in his studio for hours on end to finish a song or be on tour for months and months on end, and y/n wouldn’t have to stare at a screen until her eyes were dry and work on reports and samples until the early hours of the morning. it would just be them, together, and it would be blissful.

she knew that none of those things were actually going to happen, but the sheer possibility was enough for her to agree to his proposal.

“you’re right, it’ll be easier this way. let’s do it. I’ll just have to pick up my stuff from jane’s but I’ll head to yours after.”

harry didn’t want to show it but he was filled to the brim with hope. maybe they could resolve things after all. 

“well then, we have a deal, y/n.”

this time, he was the one stretching out his hand for her to shake. she looked at it momentarily before meeting him in the middle and intertwining her hand with his. and then, they just stood there. hands interlocked and gazes on one another. time stops for a moment, both of them focusing on the feeling of touching each other again. neither of them really wanted to let go but eventually, they had to. y/n was the first one going for release but before she could let go, harry squeezed her hand tighter. he spoke before she could interject. 

“for what it’s worth, y/n, I’m willing to fight for this. until the very end. I don’t care how corny I sound, either. I mean it and I want you to know.” he said, pure and raw honesty dripping from his voice like honey. 

she couldn’t say anything, she couldn’t even look at him. all she could do was to let go of his hand and shift her gaze towards the sky. it was way too beautiful outside for her insides to feel as stormy as they did. 

“you should go, I’ll meet you at yours later.” 

her response left harry feeling cold all over. it was okay, though. he just hoped that they could be better, one day.

“right, then. see you tonight.”

/ / /

shortly after harry had left, she decided that her work day was over, as well. it was getting close to 7 pm and she’d finished her work so she wanted to leave as fast as she could. everyone else was already gone, anyway. so, she collected her belongings and made her way to her boss’s office to officially sign out for the day.

she knocked softly and was met with a cold “yes?”

y/n opened the door to find her boss, cynthia, at her desk with a coffee in one hand and future designs in the other. as always, the woman looked uninterested, bored and arrogant. a true the devil wears prada type of villain. y/n walked into her office, set any and all reports down on to her desk and tried to make her way out again when cynthia called for her, again. 

“where do you think you're going?”

y/n turned around, dreading what was coming next. 

“excuse me?”

“you need to look over maude’s mood boards. they’re sloppy and entirely useless. I need them done by tonight.”

y/n had no energy left. usually that meant that she would wordlessly do the overtime. right now, however, she wished for nothing more than to be asleep next to harry with his scent surrounding her and his warmth embracing her. so, she did something that she hadn’t done before.

“I won’t be able to do that, cynthia. please, ask maude to rework them. I have tomorrow off and need to be up early and-“

“I didn't ask for your entire life story y/n. I just need you to redo maude’s work, that is all.”

it was as if she couldn’t possibly fathom that y/n had denied her request. so, she went again.

“cynthia, I'm going to go home now. I honestly don't care who finishes that work for you but it won't be me. have a good night.”

adrenaline rushed through her veins as she made her way to the door. unfortunately, before she could leave, cynthia made sure to leave a mark.

“you know I gave you that promotion because I thought you were capable of handling it, right? not because I thought that you were going to end up being lazy once you have it. I can take it away from you just as fast as I gave it to you. I want you to know that before you decide to go home now and enjoy your day off tomorrow. we'll see how long you stay at this company with this kind of attitude.”

y/n turned around, red in the face with rage. “you can call me a lot of things cynthia. you can call me an overachiever or you can call me a pushover or a perfectionist or a crippling workaholic; all those things are true. I know one thing though, I am not lazy. since the day I started working here I have worked my ass off to prove myself. I don’t need your excuse for recognition, but I demand some fucking respect.”

cynthia and y/n looked at each other like gladiators would look at one another in the colosseum, fighting for their lives.

“y/n, if you seriously expect me to kiss your forehead and give you a gold star for doing the work I expect you to get done here, then you have chosen the wrong company to work for. I would suggest you start to toughen up a little and look alive if you see yourself having a career in this industry. no go, do whatever you need to do. I’ll get someone else to do the work that you were too incapable to do.”

y/n wanted to pour that piping hot coffee over her head and watch her scream. she didn’t, though. instead, she was left to think about a moment that harry and her shared about a year ago; a fond memory. 

“dude, I swear to god, she just fired the girl out of nowhere just because she couldn't get her the damn bag from the other city of the city in like 10 minutes which is, oh I don’t know, physically impossible!? and before she fired her she basically verbally abused her in front of the entire team, and I just had to stand there and say nothing! what kind of a person does this kind of thing? like, is she crazy? is she actually the devil?” 

y/n shoved another spoonful of pasta into her mouth while harry gave her an amused look. he tried desperately not to laugh, but the rosy tint on her cheeks that she got out of sheer frustration was nothing short of adorable. luckily, y/n started chuckling pretty quickly herself. 

“and then, oh my god, and then the girl just started crying and we all thought she would be a puddle on the floor, but no! she starts throwing shit on the floor and literally called cynthia a ‘raging fucking nitwit of a cunt that deserved to rot the deepest pits of hell’ and suddenly the entire office was involved!” - another laugh - “soon enough, security comes barging in and literally carry the girl out while she’s flailing in steve’s arms like a hyperactive, very angry puppy, and god, harry, I felt so bad! but it was so funny! not the fact that she was getting fired, god, no! but the way she handled it was so iconic! I wanted to kiss the ground she walked on!”

by the end of y/n’s story, both her and harry were laughing until their tummies hurt. harry continued to listen to her crazy work stories during dinner, after dinner when he washed the dishes, on the couch with her laying on his chest and him playing with her hair, and ideally, for the rest of his damn life.

the memory made y/n giggle. 

“something funny, dear? do you need a cordial invitation to get out of my office?”

y/n just smiled. 

“good night, cynthia.”

with that, she was on her merry way. 

///

“and you’re absolutely sure that this is a good idea?” 

jane stood before her in her doorway. y/n had told her everything as soon as she got home and they ended up talking for hours. 

“honestly, no. but I have a gut feeling that this might be the right thing to do.”

concern is etched deeply into jane’s face. a heavy sigh and a shake of her head later, she replied.

“look, just be careful. and no matter what, you can always come back. you have a key and my bed always has an open space for you. no shame.”

y/n felt so much love for her concerned friend in that moment that she stopped the act of tying her shoes to give her a tight hug. “I know.” she mumbled into her shoulder. “thank you.” 

they detangle and y/n grabs her duffle off the floor. one last knowing look is exchanged before y/n takes the first stride towards her car. jane waves her goodbye. when she sees y/n leaving her driveway she grabs her phone in an instant to send a text to the one and only. two words, and nothing but sincerity behind them.

“good luck.”

/ / /

6.3k, not entirely proofread, lowercase intended

after a billion million years, here's part four. i know it's a bit of a filler but I have some nice stuff planned for the remainder of this story, so please bear with me.

thank you and all the love <3

-ve !!

[collinrobinsonsglasses]

Hey babes!!! Love your work so much, keeping me going in this trying time (cancellation)

Ive had this silly little idea bouncing around for a while. I was thinking like Noble turned Pirate Reader x Izzy hands

maybe the reader is really good at sword-fighting and Izzy doesn't know how, with some angst but a happy ending? Im sure whatever you do will be amazing!!! Thank you so so much <3

Izzy Hands x Reader (GN)

Masterlist

I hope this is what you were looking for <;3 @im-a-fungi1234

Swordplay and Secrets 

After years on the job, Izzy developed a keen instinct for sizing people up quickly, based on their skill with a sword and their interactions with fellow pirates. Despite his confidence in this ability, you remained a mystery to him. The moment Blackbeard ordered the crew of Queen Anne’s Revenge to aid Stede Fucking Bonnet during his capture by the Spanish, Izzy’s attention was drawn to you. He observed as you effortlessly cut down men with your sword, displaying a level of confidence and eloquence he rarely witnessed among other pirates. 

After a week aboard Bonnet’s ship, it became glaringly obvious to Izzy that you and Jim stood in stark contrast to the other fucking morons on this crew. Both of you possessed formidable combat skills, Jim in knife fighting and you with a sword. What set you apart even more was your reserved nature. Jim appeared guarded and often simmering with anger, whereas you maintained a polite and unassuming demeanor when interacting with your peers. In contrast, the rest of Bonnet’s idiots on board had no issues drawing attention to themselves and behaving like utter twats. 

It bothered Izzy to no end that he wasn’t able to figure you out. The puzzle became a fixation for him, especially as his captain sank deeper into the clutches of Stede Bonnet, a situation beyond Izzy’s control at the moment. Recognizing the potential danger in not understanding who you were, Izzy was determined to uncover more about you. Izzy harbored a general distrust for people already, even the pirates he felt he understood. On the quarterdeck, he observed you attempting to impart a lesson on swordplay to Bonnet’s scribe on the main deck. Izzy couldn’t shake the feeling that it might be a lost cause; the scribe came across as particularly lazy. 

⚓⚓⚓⚓⚓⚓⚓

“Lucius, focus. I thought we were here to practice,” you chided, your words directed at Lucius, who glanced up distractedly toward the quarterdeck. 

Lucius had been the person you connected with the most on The Revenge. Aside from Captain Bonnet, he shared the most similar background with you. 

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to focus, babe, when Dizzy Izzy is up there shooting daggers at us,” Lucius grumbled, nodding towards Izzy who observed from above. “What’s his deal?” 

“Just ignore him” you urged, subtly glancing up towards Izzy. “I feel like he’s always just staring.” 

This comment elicited a smirk from Lucius. “Not at me, he’s not.” Lucius whispered. 

“Sword fighting is like dancing,” you began, ignoring Lucius’s comment. Your words caused him to audibly groan. “Each strike is a coordinated step. You have to be able to lead and follow, anticipating each move like partners in rhythm.” 

“For the record, I hate dancing,” Lucius whined. 

You attempted to teach Lucius the art of sword fighting, emphasizing the importance of balance, footwork, and precise strikes. However, it became apparent that he was quickly losing interest. He struggled with the movements, and after a few attempts, he let out a sigh of defeat. Part of you couldn’t shake the disappointment as you realized that in Stede’s crew, finding someone decent to practice sword fighting with was proving to be a challenge. You had hoped that teaching Lucius would offer an opportunity to hone your skills, but his quick disinterest was clear. Your father, a master swordsman, had instilled in you the importance of these skills. Learning to wield a sword had once only been a way of connecting with him, but now it served as a skill for your survival. 

A sense of loneliness crept in as your mind drifted back to your home, the family, and friends you left behind. You came from a noble family, a family secretly grappling with financial struggles. Outwardly you and your family always maintained the air and manners of nobility, even though you lacked the comfort of wealth. You never truly felt like you belonged in that world. The desperation within your family eventually led to your departure, seeking a way to support them. Piracy had become the only realistic option, even though it left you feeling like an outsider. Stuck between two worlds, you found peace in the civility aboard Stede Bonnet’s ship, grateful for the steady income it provided, which served as a lifeline for your family. The sole confidant in your past was Lucius, and while he understood your perspective, you couldn’t shake the suspicion that the rest of the crew wouldn’t share the same understanding. 

Suddenly, Israel Hands appeared before you and Lucius. “Fuck off, Mr. Spriggs,” the first mate spat at him. Lucius shot you a worried look but promptly followed the instructions, likely relieved to have an excuse to escape the lesson. 

Once Lucius was out of sight, Izzy turned back around, eyeing you curiously. “Who taught you sword fighting?” Izzy questioned accusingly. 

“My father,” you replied plainly. In your upbringing, the importance of listening to those stationed above you was stressed, but you learned that sometimes, answering as simply as possible could get you out of tricky situations. This was not the first time Izzy had asked you questions about your past, but he was getting more persistent. 

“Who is your father?” Izzy rolled his eyes, edging closer to you in an attempt to appear intimidating. 

“No one that you know, sir,” you replied curtly. You had no interest in divulging your background, well aware that it would only complicate matters. Witnessing how the crew reacted to Stede Bonnet’s station, you understood that maintaining a low profile was crucial. The crew’s tendency not to take him seriously reinforced your resolve to keep your head down and focus on making enough to support your family. 

Izzy was visibly getting annoyed as you continued to dodge his questions. You observed his furrowed eyebrows raise, and you sensed that an idea had crossed his mind. 

“Let’s have a duel then. If I win, you tell me who you are and where you’re from,” Izzy challenged. 

You considered the offer, a part of you hoping that a victory on your part would finally put an end to Izzy’s inquiries. 

“Fine. If I win, you stop asking,” you replied with a sigh, agreeing to the duel in the hope of putting this matter to rest once and for all. 

The clash of steel reverberated through the air as you and Izzy engaged in a fierce sword fight. The dance of blades unfolded with a relentless intensity, each parry and thrust executed with precision. For much of the duel, you seemed to have the upper hand, skillfully anticipating Izzy’s moves and countering with calculated strikes. Despite the circumstances, a sense of enjoyment crept over you. Engaging in this sword fight felt like a proper duel. It became a form of meditation, your mind fully immersed in the combat, anticipating every move Izzy might make. In that moment, all other worries dissipated, leaving only the dance of steel. 

As the battle reached its climax, Izzy found himself on the defensive, struggling to keep up. However, with a swift move, he expertly kicked a leg from under you, sending you sprawling to the ground. In that moment of vulnerability, Izzy seized the opportunity. With a swift motion, he pointed his sword at your neck, and looked down towards you with a smirk. 

A sudden surge of anxiety gripped you as Izzy’s sword found its mark, pointing at your throat. The anonymity you had enjoyed among your crewmates, the chance to start anew without the weight of a title, was suddenly under threat. The idea of revealing your true identity to Izzy filled you with a sense of dread. The prospect of disclosing your background to Izzy meant potentially forfeiting the freedom you had found among the crew. 

Izzy withdrew his sword from your neck, smoothly returning it to his side, allowing you a moment to sit back and catch your breath. After a while, Izzy, wielding his sword with gentleness, used the flat of his weapon to gently lift your chin, ensuring your eyes met his. As your eyes locked with Izzy’s, a defiant glare emanated from your stare. 

“Who is your father?” Izzy repeated. 

In a hushed tone, you admitted, “He’s a duke,” the defiance still present in your unwavering stare directed at Izzy. With a deliberate motion, you shifted his sword aside with your hand and rose to your feet. 

Izzy sneered, his expression twisted with disgust. “Oh I see. You’re just another rich twatty playing at being a pirate for fun. You’re just like Stede fucking Bonnet.”

This was the reaction you had feared all along. A surge of rage consumed you at the insinuation that your life as a pirate was a frivolous choice. In response, you turned away from Izzy, no longer willing to listen to his insults. However, his firm grip on your arm halted your departure. 

“Did I speak out of turn?” Izzy taunted with sarcasm, trying his best to sound proper. 

You weren’t sure if it was anger or lingering emotions about your family, but tears welled up in your eyes. “You don’t know anything about the sacrifices I’ve had to make,” you spat at Izzy, attempting to hold back tears, though a few managed to escape. Swiftly wiping them away with your free hand, you jerked your arm from his grip and hurriedly descended below deck. 

 ⚓⚓⚓⚓⚓⚓⚓

Izzy observed you leaving, a sense of vindication washing over him for what he said to you. He was tired of nobles deciding they wanted to be pirates on a whim. However, he couldn’t shake off his confusion at your reaction. Unlike Stede Bonnet, you didn’t exude pride, but the idea of a noble on a pirate ship didn’t make sense to Izzy. Abruptly, Mr. Spriggs materialized at his side, a presence Izzy had overlooked in his intense focus on winning the sword fight. 

“Well Dizzy Izzy, that was pretty fucked up,” Lucius started. 

“Fuck off,” Izzy grumbled, feeling uniterested in engaging in the conversation. 

Lucius paid no heed to Izzy’s dismissal, crossing his arms as he spoke. “It’s actually quite sad,” he remarked with a frown. “Their father squandered the family’s fortune through gambling, and now they send all the money they earn back to support their mother and siblings.” 

Izzy held his silence as Lucius revealed more about your circumstances, a wave of guilt washing over him for the harsh words he had directed at you. 

“They mentioned piracy was the only option they had.” Lucius concluded, walking away with a satisfied air about the point he had made. 

“Fuck,” Izzy whispered, his regret palpable, and he descended below deck in search of you. 

Izzy discovered you in Bonnet’s ballroom, seated amongst the scattered cannonballs. The dim light revealed traces of tears on your cheeks. 

Izzy approached quietly. He gestured toward the vacant spot next to you on the floor, whispering, “Can I sit?” 

You nodded in acknowledgement, but your gaze remained fixed ahead, deliberately avoiding any eye contact with Izzy. 

Izzy began, "Mr. Spriggs told me about why you're here. I said some things I regret. It's honorable that you're trying to take care of your family."

"I just chose the least honorable way to do it," you replied. Despite the weight of the conversation, a small smirk played on your lips, and Izzy was relieved to see that you weren't in tears. "If I had a choice, I wouldn't be here," you continued.

"Where would you be?" Izzy asked curiously.

"I miss my family, but I never really felt like I belonged there either," you whispered, a hint of sadness in your voice.

"Maybe you wouldn't have chosen this life, but you belong here," Izzy whispered back. "Piracy is a place for people who feel like they don't belong anywhere." 

As Izzy glanced over at you sitting beside him, an unexpected emotion washed over him. In this moment, he found himself admiring and respecting the choices you had made. Moreover, it was the first time in a long while that Izzy had encountered someone capable of wielding a sword as skillfully as he could.

Izzy chuckled, "You almost kicked my ass during that fight."

"You kicked me, literally," you replied, playfully rolling your eyes. "That's the best fight I've had in a while."

"It's because you're surrounded by a ship full of twats who wouldn't know what side of a sword to use," Izzy grumbled.

Your laughter filled the air, causing Izzy's heart to skip a beat for a moment.

"We should fight more often," you suggested with a grin. "If I win, you have to tell me something about yourself, and if you win, I'll tell you more about me."

"Deal," Izzy replied quickly, a genuine eagerness in his tone. He wanted to learn more about you, intrigued by the prospect of unraveling the layers beneath the surface. The fact that you were interested in knowing about him surprised and pleased him. People rarely asked Izzy about himself anymore; they tended to accept the rumors at face value. He hoped the future would bring more sword fights and late-night conversations with you.

[vettelsdarling]

Ive seen alot of quote requests and I rly want a Leclerc x fem reader smut where they start out as enemies (example is like Ferrari and Mercedes or Ferrari and Redbull) pls and include these two quotes

“Youre so full of shit Ferrari boy”

“but you keep coming back”

Id be rly grateful if u could write this haha

Touch my rear wing, I dare you

➪I like the idea! Hope you enjoy what I came up with :)

➪(I’m assuming you mean Charles and not Arthur btw)

➪Also, this both follows and doesn't really follow a specific timeline. I’m just using my creative freedom for this. Some people are cut out of the story because of the reader insert!

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Fem!Driver!Reader

Warnings: (18+ content) smut, oral (both receiving), swearing

Word count: 5.6k+

Backstory

You had always loved racing. Your father was a retired Formula 1 driver and had always taught you and your brother the basics of it. You used to go watch him speed around for Ferrari, which shaped your dream to become just like him. Your brother and yourself were both determined to make it as great drivers. Your mother was a stay-at-home mom with a lot of time on her hands. Therefore, convincing her to take you and your brother karting was no big feat. Especially seeing as your father was a driver himself.

You rose through the ranks faster than your brother, despite having started later than him. Your mother was hesitant to let you race at first, but eventually allowed it. You were called a star and a prodigy. Seeing as you were the only girl there, it made sense. Especially because you hit every apex just right and your overtakes were near-perfect every time.

After karting, you moved further up the ranks, eventually being crowned regional champion in Formula 3 (regional) and moving on to Formula 3.

It was there you met him; Charles Leclerc. He was the only one who seemed to be faster than you. Not only that but the idea of it had gotten to his head. You never actually spoke to him, but you'd see a smirk creep up on his face once in a while after beating you. You wanted nothing more than to wipe it off with the sole of your shoe. You weren't superstitious, but there was sure to be karma coming his way sooner or later.

Luckily that karma came in the form of one George Russel and one Alex Albon. The two of them were just as competitive as you and Charles, eventually making the four of you gain a lot of attraction in the media. You were great friends with George. He always showed a tremendous amount of sportsmanship towards you. One time, he even helped you by letting you pass him, having you win the race. All the whilst Charles was left in the dust. You relished in it.

When Formula 2 came around, you were stuck, yet again, with Charles. That was also when you had your first real interaction. He went up to you before the last race and struck up a rather puzzling conversation. Puzzling in the sense that you had no idea why he was talking to you, or why he even wanted to.

“Hey, you're not a bad driver, but I would suggest you try to maybe stop sulking. People notice.” Infuriating. Absolutely infuriating.

“Maybe you should check up on that girlfriend of yours. I don't think she's into assholes. Maybe stop being one.” Even though you were in your own garage, you walked away. You couldn't stand being in his presence for a moment longer.

You were unlucky because Charles beat you and moved on to Formula 1 before you. You and he had been tied for the championship, but somehow he found his way around to beat you. It was then you realized you had to do something— anything to get into Formula 1.

Your luck seemed to only build after Charles left Formula 2, and you easily won the following championship, signing a deal with Alfa Romeo, which, to your surprise, was the worst thing to ever happen to you.

You'd somehow managed to place yourself in the same team as Charles, making him the only thing you couldn't destroy on the grid. You had to be a fair teammate to even be considered by your dream team, Red Bull. You'd seen Sebastian Vettel in his glory days, and you wanted the same for yourself. However, being in Formula 1 proved to be much harder than 2. You didn't really know what you had expected, because so many stars were competing for the championship.

It wasn't all that bad, though, because he never really said much and the two of you were somehow able to make it work. It was mainly due to the pressure of having to look good. You knew about the media and their swirling rumours. Many speculated that you were Charles’ side piece. It didn't matter to you, as long as you knew just how far from the truth that was.

After the 2018 season, you somehow managed to sign yourself with Red Bull for 2019, driving alongside Max Verstappen. He went on to become your best friend on the grid, as nobody really liked Red Bull and you had to stick together. Sebastian Vettel became a “father figure”, following the death of your father earlier in 2018. It hit you harder than any barrier had ever hit you, but you were able to get through it with the help of Vettel.

It was in 2019, that you finally started rising to the top and watching Charles start to lag behind. The feeling of watching him struggle was like a euphoric punch. Nothing made you happier. You and Max were a powerhouse of a team. He helped you, you helped him. He was more than happy with it, and so were you.

Everything led up to the 2022 season, where you started casually hooking up with none other than Charles Leclerc. It started at a party that Lando threw after the 2021 season had ended.

-Flashback-

You were dancing out on the floor. Your dress barely covered your assets and you'd had more shots than you could count on your fingers. Completely wasted. That's what you were. What made matters worse was that you continued to do increasingly risky things like doing a handstand, which almost made your dress pull down with gravity. Everyone seemed to cheer you on, as they were just as drunk as you, if not more. Well, all but one. Charles lurked in the corner of the room. He didn't drink. You weren't sure why, nor did you care. But his eyes had been on you all night. The increasingly provocative behaviours you exhibited fueled something carnal within himself. Something he wasn't so sure he could control. He hated you, but at the same time… he hated the thought of someone getting their hands on you. He couldn't understand his line of reasoning. He didn't even think he had one.

The line was crossed when you came down to do a split on the floor, which ripped your dress; putting your panties on full display. Nobody but Charles paid attention to the severity of the move, so he pushed through the crowd and picked you up like you were nothing. He wasn't in control anymore. His brain had just switched to auto-pilot. Nobody realized he took you. Nobody realized the two of you were gone.

The next morning, you found yourself in a fluffy white bed, which horrified you. Your sheets were deep green and silk. Nothing like the bed you were lying in. On top of that, your clothes were gone and you were lying in your underwear. Groggy, you pulled yourself up and realized you were alone. Next to you was a bedtable with a glass of orange juice with a pill next to it. There was a card too and it was addressed to you.

“I bet you had a nice time last night. I had to leave early for a meeting, but I left you some things for your hangover. Call me if you need anything and leave whenever you want to.

– Charles”

You were beyond shocked. You were at a loss for words. Had you really slept with Charles? Charles Leclerc? The one person you hated on the grid? You could barely believe the two of you had a friendly interaction, let alone slept together. You quickly chugged the juice with the pill and got out of bed. You couldn't find your dress anywhere, so you decided to go find Charles’ closet. Everything was too big for you, but after some digging, you found a shirt and a pair of pants that you were able to adjust to your own size. You didn't care about your messy hair. You just had to get out of that house. When trying to remember what had happened the night before, you only added to the already existing headache. The conclusion then was; you slept with Charles after getting drunk and you would never ever tell a soul or do it again.

You debated whether to ask Max to come and get you, or call an Uber. You knew Max would pick you up and not ask questions… well if it didn’t involve Charles. You ended up paying for an Uber to not let the secret spill. Max was a trusted friend but you didn’t even want him to know. Vettel would likely just give you any advice a dad usually would, which was why you decided not to bother him either. Besides, everyone would probably be too hungover to care about anyone and anything but their bowel movements.

“Miss, where to?” Asked the driver. You told him the address and he started driving. Unlike other Ubers you’d taken before, this guy was chatty. He told you about his dog, a golden retriever that he named Lila. He talked about everything and nothing at the same time. You had to be careful not to accidentally tune his talking out like white noise.

After a while, you were finally dropped off and you were left alone to soak in the painful false memory of sleeping with Charles.

- End of flashback-

*Still not present. First race of the 2022 season

You walked around your car, gliding your hand around it, feeling the smooth metal against your gloves. That’s when your peace was disturbed by a voice you hated all too much.

“Are you ready for 22?” You turned your head to see Charles with a smug look on his face. You hadn’t seen him or heard from him since the day you walked out of his apartment. It was simply too embarrassing for you.

“Don’t talk to me. Go bother someone else,” you huffed. Max was talking to Horner in the back of the garage. You had nobody to save you from having to talk to Charles.

“After the night we had? I don’t think so,” he said whilst walking closer and almost touching your rear wing.

“Touch my rear wing, I dare you.” The two of you shared a brief look after you said that. Charles then took the liberty of walking closer to you.

“You know what? I have a bet. If I win this race, you come home with me. I just want to talk, okay? If you win… you can ignore me and treat me like trash. Deal?” You contemplated for a while but realized it was in his favour.

“Hey, that’s not fair. I don’t want to go with you and I certainly don’t want the Bahrain curse looming over my head. What kind of deal is this?” You spat. He only seemed to be amused by that.

“Slipped my mind. Okay, then let’s do it like this; whoever places the highest— wins.” You immediately shook his hand harshly and started prepping for the race.

You ended up in P2 with Charles taking the risk of the Bahrain curse. You couldn’t wrap your head around why he would risk the championship just to sit and talk with you. It didn’t make any sense. You didn’t want to talk about that night. Why would he want to? It wasn’t like the outcome ended in a pregnancy. There was nothing to talk about.

After the race, an interviewer came up to you after having talked to Charles.

“—And hello, P2! You were amazing out there! Even avoiding pole position! How do you feel?” You felt like you’d lost everything. It was miserable. You hated losing in races, but you certainly also hated losing bets.

“I mean, I feel great! I was able to stay on top; and to me, it still feels like a 1-2 for Red Bull.” You lied straight through your teeth. It was a strike of sheer luck that you were born with such an amazing PR ability.

“Charles said that you might be upset for placing behind him, care to comment?” You looked at the interviewer with a puzzled look on your face.

“Uhhh, I’m not sure what that’s about. Maybe he doesn’t know about the Bahrain curse?” You chuckled and quickly tried to make your way away from her. She waved and you waved back with a short smile.

Upon arriving at the Red Bull motorhome, you saw Max sitting on a couch with Kelly. He looked satisfied with the win for Red Bull.

“Hey, congrats on P2. Max was telling me about it,” said Kelly. You never really liked Kelly all that much, but she was nice to Max so you didn’t bother her. Penelope, her daughter, was cute and you’d sometimes offer to babysit her for them.

“Yeah, it was a nice race.” You grabbed a juice box from the fridge and let yourself slump down in a chair.

“Why do you look so defeated? This is basically a 1-2 for us.” Max and Kelly made sure to look concerned. You didn’t want to talk about it, nor did you want to think about it. You had to meet up with Charles anyway, so you decided to give a short and vague response, before leaving,

“I guess I’m just tired. I have to go now, actually.”

You waited by Charles’ car, knowing that the paparazzi were taking pictures of you doing so. You tried your best to remain anonymous though, wearing a thick hoodie with no print along with a cap, sunglasses, and a mask. Your hair was tucked inside the hood of the hoodie. Nobody could really tell who you were, but they’d certainly speculate.

“You look like a serial killer; waiting by my car with that outfit,” said a voice coming up behind you. You saw the many fans screaming and the paparazzi wanting statements. Charles ignored them and opened the door for you. Still not wanting to actually converse with him, you decided to sit in the backseat instead. The Ferrari driver rolled his eyes, sighed, shut the shotgun seat door and got in himself. You were not going to sit next to him. You knew that only bad things would come of it.

“So, I’m your taxi driver now? Why didn’t you just get in when I opened the door for you?” He sounded a bit pissy and it was in all honesty pretty entertaining to sit and ignore.

“Hmm. Okay. So you’re only talking when it’s absolutely necessary?” You ignored him yet again. It was a mystery how the drunk version of you got to talking with him— even going as far as sleeping with him. Ever since that night, you’d had dreams about it. You believed they were fragments of memories coming back to you. It was haunting to relive. All those dreams about him; about Charles, they were just like any adult movie you’d seen before. It was embarrassingly detailed.

Luckily, the awkward car ride was short. The two of you arrived at his hotel and quickly got inside. The fact that the two of you were going to be alone in his suite was daunting to you.

“Make yourself at home, I’ll get you something to drink.” You took off your sunglasses, cap, and mask, and sat by the table in the room. Charles served your drinks before sitting across from you. It was like a fever dream; being in a hotel suite with your one true rival.

“I know you might not want to talk about what happened four months ago… but I think we should,” Charles began. You dreaded the atmosphere. It felt heavy. Too heavy.

“Look, I have dreams about what happened and I just— I don’t really know what to say,” you shot in before he could say anything else.

“You remember? I didn’t think you would. You were so drunk, you know?”

“I remember alright. I’ve dreamt about that night so many times now, I think I’m going to go crazy soon.” You buried your face in your hands whilst sighing.

“Yeah… I think I would be embarrassed too…” you looked up in confusion.

“Embarrassed…? I know we’re not exactly mates, but embarrassing?” At the very least, he could’ve tried to be more sympathetic. You’d been extremely drunk that night.

“Yeah, you were so loud. I got complaints from my neighbours.” Mortifying. Absolutely mortifying. He wasn’t talking about your body. He was talking about your moaning. You weren’t sure how you’d recover from that one.

“Shit… but you were technically also a part of it. You’re making it sound like it’s all me.” You scowled at him.

“How was I a part of that?”

“Well, for starters, you’re the one who fucked me. I told you. I keep dreaming that… so much of it… I want to throw up.” It was probably a bad idea to have admitted that, but you didn’t want to lose the dispute.

“Fucked? You think we fucked?” He sounded genuinely surprised. His face also matched the tone of his voice, with his eyes wide open.

“Yeah, against the headboard… as I remember it, we went at it hard. On top of that, I was drunk… so can you blame me for being loud?” His shocked face suddenly melted into a smirk and his signature smug face after rubbing a victory in yours.

“So you’re telling me… you’ve dreamt about me taking you against the headboard in my apartment? Going at it hard?” Was he toying with you? You couldn’t tell.

“You know… that’s not what happened. You were so drunk I had to take you to my apartment. You were yelling and crying the entire time for some reason. I had to change you out of your dress because you threw up on it and you also threw up on the floor. You passed out minutes after you did so…” when you came to that realization, you were beyond embarrassed. The most embarrassing thing was the dreams that you admitted to having. Dreams that weren’t actual memories, but just your imagination. Did you want to fuck him? Was that it? You couldn’t bring yourself to think about it,

“If I’m correct… you were having wet dreams about… me?” You didn’t answer him. You simply got up from your seat and made your way to the front door. You had to leave. However, before you could open it, Charles pinned you to it, trapping you between his arms.

“What are you doing, Leclerc?” You looked at him with doe eyes. His breathing was ragged and you could tell he had some bad intentions.

“I have a new deal to make. For the rest of the calendar, let’s have it this way: whoever places highest wins.” He took a moment to breathe and stare into your eyes somewhat intensely.

“What about the winner?” You asked. The air felt hot and heavy. A knee was pushed between your legs.

“The winner…” he hesitated,

“The winner decides whether to fuck or not.” You gulped at his words and saw the look in his eyes.

“Deal.” The rest was history.

*Present time

It was the last race of the season and you were more than happy to finally take a well-deserved break. You had placed podium plenty of times and won against Leclerc more times than you could remember. The arrangement the two of you had set up was flawed, however. You both knew it was a bad excuse to hook up with each other, as neither of you ever chose to not fuck.

“Fuck, we need to bring this one home. If you win this, you’re the champion! First ever female champion and it’s for our team! Go out there and drive like your life depends on it, yeah?” Horner’s pep talks always got you into your racing mindset. He was the only person besides Max who was really able to lift your spirits like that.

“I’ll be there to fend off anyone threatening your pole,” said Max, who was getting ready to step in. You smiled and went in for a tight hug,

“Thanks, Max. Let’s bring it home for Red Bull!” The two of you got into your positions with your cars. The lineup was in your favour, as you’d placed pole in the qualifying session. Max was in P4, but you knew he’d have no problem working his way right behind you.

As soon as the race started, you sped off. It was smooth, and you worked most apexes just right. The radio sounded and told you that Max was right behind you, which put your mind at ease. You had nothing to be worried about as long as Max was on defense.

“So uh, Max just took out Sainz along with himself. It’s all up to you now. Leclerc is a little under half a second behind you. Your heart sank. Not just because of Max’s sacrifice, but also because Leclerc was behind you. He had the power to snatch the championship from you and graciously hand it over to another driver. You couldn’t have that happen. You simply couldn’t. You didn’t want to let Horner down, and you couldn’t bear to live with letting Max down after his takedown.

“Fuck, okay. I’ll fend him off as much as possible. We’re in the homestretch anyway, right?”

“Yes, just 5 more laps to go.” You gave it your all. You saw red. Everything was just about winning and keeping the Ferrari car behind you.

In the end, you won, but you actually couldn’t understand how. Even though you gave it your all, you did have tiny lapses of moments where Leclerc could’ve snuck in and gone for the win… but for some reason, he didn’t.

You were met with tight hugs and huge roars from fans. Max immediately lifted you up into the air and brought Christian over to do a group hug. Your interview was breezy and you felt like you’d won at life. All throughout listening to your national anthem and spraying champagne on your fellow drivers, you couldn’t help but think about Charles and why in the world he let you win.

You met up with Charles after everything. You decided to go straight to the Ferrari motorhome. There he was. In all his glory. He was scrolling through his phone, presumably checking his emails and his socials.

“Hey, uh, Charles… could we talk for a minute?” You asked. The look he gave you when he noticed was unreadable. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking or feeling. He followed you outside and to a more secluded area where you were sure nobody would be able to hear you.

“You let me win,” you began.

“I didn’t. All I did was—“

“Shut up, okay? I know you did. I just… I want to know why,” you sighed and put a hand on your hip.

“I think you deserved the win. That’s all,” he smiled and crossed his arms.

“You’re so full of shit, Ferrari boy,” you spat and looked away. There wasn’t much around you, but a brick wall and a fence. Nobody would be able to spot you with Charles. The last thing you wanted was for the media to think the two of you were fraternizing.

“—But you keep coming back,” he replied. You slowly turned your head, only to be shoved into the wall behind you. The brunette had both of your arms locked by his hands. There was no escape for you. You had to confront whatever the two of you had been running around doing for the past season.

“Tell me, why is it such a bad thing for us to just fuck and actually feel things for each other?” He whispered. You wanted to deny it. You wanted to deny everything. He was foul, he was rude, he was reckless, but he was yours… he’d always been yours. Ever since he broke up with Giatti, the two of you had an eerie air around each other. One that couldn’t be explained with your past. One that made your heart beat faster.

“You remember the dreams you had about Lando’s party? That was all you. You must’ve felt something for me to have dreamt something like that,” he continued. Oh gosh, the dreams. He just had to bring up the dreams. You knew, however, that he wasn’t entirely wrong. Your stomach would churn with butterflies whenever you thought back to your dreams.

“Screw just fucking. Why shouldn’t we date? Tell me why we can’t be with each other.” He looked directly into your eyes, desperately searching for an answer.

“I… I just can’t— I mean I… I hate you,” you said,

“I fucking hate you, Charles!” He started backing off, and you started cornering him against the fence behind him.

“I hate how you make me feel all of these things I’m not supposed to feel!” You calmed down, and once again, were shoved against the wall.

“Tell me all about how I make you feel. My place or yours?”

“Yours… my room is further than yours,” you said whilst avoiding eye contact.

Charles immediately took you to his hotel suite. It was right next to Hamilton’s. As soon as the door opened— you threw your arms around his neck and he told you to jump into his arms. Your legs were wrapped around his waist and the two of you made out feverishly. There was no time to bring it to the bedroom. The two of you were used to doing it in all sorts of places. The Ferrari driver placed you on a counter and you started stripping each other. He was impressed by your effort to wear matching lace underwear. Whenever you did so, you always claimed it was for yourself, but he liked to beg to differ.

“Fuck, tell me.” Charles was buried in your neck, you couldn’t make yourself answer.

“Tell me how I make you feel,” he gasped before going in again.

“Good… you make me feel so good,” you sighed. His lips latched onto every part of your neck that made you feel like royalty.

“You know what I mean, baby. Tell me how I make you feel.” his demanding voice was enough to make you pant harder.

“You make my… My heart beat faster,” you moaned.

“—And?”

“I feel fuzzy around you.” He loved hearing your declarations of love, so much that he couldn't take the slow pace anymore.

In a flash, he grabbed you by the hips and helped you to the floor on your knees.

“God, you're divine. Can you be a good girl and suck?” you stared at him as you removed his boxers, letting his dick spring free. It twitched in appreciation for your touch. You traced your fingers against a particularly prominent vein and heard his sounds of pleasure. He groaned and bucked his hips, needing your mouth. You met his wishes; starting by licking from the bottom to the tip. When you wrapped your lips around him, he tangled his fingers in your hair and started bobbing your head on his cock. You couldn't take all of him, but he pressed on, making you gag.

“You take me so well,“ Charles sighed, throwing his head back. With the help of his hand in your hair, you went faster, feeling his tip touch the back of your throat with every bop of your head. He seethed through his teeth and after a few minutes, you could tell he was getting close. He was grunting like crazy and pulling your hair as if his life depended on it. God, when he looked at you— he almost came. Tears stained your face and your mascara was running.

“Fuck, baby, I can't hold it anymore,“ he moaned and rammed into your face a final time, releasing his cum down your throat. You swallowed everything. He was breathless and so were you, but even so— he still had more stamina left. Stamina that he needed to use up.

“I want to taste you.“ He sat you on the counter again, before roughly spreading your legs. His fingertips teased you, grazing your inner thighs; getting closer and closer to your cunt.

“Hurry, I need you,“ you sighed and grabbed his hair.

“Beg.“

“What?“

“I said to beg for it.“ The Ferrari driver had a lustful gaze and his eyes were filled with a certain need. The insatiable hunger for you.

“Please?”

“Not good enough.”

“Please, Charles.”

“Tell me what you want.”

“Please… Eat me out, Leclerc.”

“Good girl,” he said before diving in. With a thumb flicking your clit, he began sucking, his tongue messaged your folds in an unreal way. He slurped as if he hadn't eaten in days and you were his salvation.

“Oh fuck, Charles!” You couldn't help but squeeze his head between your thighs. With one hand, he clenched your thigh tightly, continuing to suck you for all you were worth.

Your moans and gasps motivated him to go faster and thrust his tongue deeper into you. Your vision was blurry with pleasure. He was too good, and you couldn't take it for much longer.

“I'm going to cum,” you half-screamed and pulled him closer. He pulled away for a quick second to get a word in,

“Cum on my tongue, baby. Give it to me,” his words mixed with the pleasure of his tongue pushed you over the edge, and you found yourself releasing all over his mouth. He licked you clean afterwards and cleaned his face with a kitchen towel.

Whilst he was walking back to you, you noticed his dick being fully erect again. How that was possible, was beyond you. Apparently, he saw you staring; because he chuckled before trapping you in a delicious kiss. You tasted a bit of yourself on his tongue. It was so erotic, you couldn't fathom it.

“You taste like heaven, babydoll,” Charles whispered. You wrapped your arms around his neck.

“I'm going in. You're still on the pill, right?” He asked before doing anything. You nodded swiftly and bucked your hips desperately.

“Please, Charles.”

“Please what?“

“Please fuck me stupid, Charles” He was caught off-guard by your bold response. It flipped a switch in him that made him go rogue. You were immediately swept off the counter and bent over it instead. He pinned your hands above your head and rubbed your cunt before stroking himself a few times, and then entering slowly.

“Oh fuck, you're so tight.” You heard him groan. When he reached as far as he could with your current position, you arched your back to help him reach deeper. He rested to let you get used to him. You'd had sex more times than you could count, but somehow, you were always tight. This time wasn't any different.

After a few moments, you told him to move; which he did. He almost pulled all the way out, leaving just the tip in. From there, he slammed into you. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and your back arched like a cat.

“Fuck!” You couldn't help but scream out. The stretch was beyond amazing. He was doing you just right. With every moan and every call of his name, he gained more confidence. The confidence fed him the energy and stamina to go even faster and harder.

You were an utter mess. Your hair stuck to your forehead due to the amount of sweat that clung to it. You were seeing stars and it felt like you were choking. You repeatedly screamed out his name like a holy mantra. It was unreal.

“Scream my name louder, sugar. Let the entire hotel know who you belong to!” You obliged. Your screams got louder and his thrusts— wilder. You felt your legs going numb, so Charles lifted one and it helped him reach even deeper than before. His hips rutted directly against yours at that point. It was heaven on earth.

“Fuck, I'm so close!” You finally yelled.

“Cum with me, okay?”

You went at it like rabbits for a few more minutes before you felt your knot begin to undo itself. Leclerc’s thrusts became more and more sloppy. It didn't take long before you came all over his dick, which pushed him to fill you to the brim. The mixture of your essence and his dripped down your thighs. You couldn't move. You couldn't feel your legs.

“Let's take a shower and go take a rest.” He lifted you from the counter and swung you over his shoulder, walking into the shower. When he turned it on, you felt the hot drops of water rain down on your skin. He helped clean you, as you couldn't stand on your own.

“I'm sorry if I was too rough,” He said whilst scrubbing your back.

“No, I'm fine. This was amazing, Ferrari boy.” He chuckled at your nickname.

After showering, the two of you headed straight to his bed. You cuddled into him, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. Your legs were entangled with his and his arm was wrapped around you, pulling you almost fully onto himself.

“Did you mean it? Do you really have feelings for me?” He asked, looking at the ceiling.

“Did you let me win?” You asked.

”... Yes, I did,” he replied sheepishly.

“Then you have your answer.” With that, you found it hard to stay awake for a second longer; passing out whilst hearing the sound of his heart beating to yours.

𝗥𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻...

𝘾𝙝𝙚𝙘𝙠 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙧𝙚𝙜𝙪𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚!

𝙃𝙚𝙧𝙚’𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

©vettelsdarling

𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗱𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗱𝗮𝗽𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗶𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝘆, 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗲, 𝗼𝗿 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺— 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻.

[taintedtort]

" WHAT'S MY NAME? "

☆ summary. you call them by the wrong name

☆ characters. wanderer, xiao, aether, kazuha

☆ warnings. gn!reader, none!

☆ a/n. ive had a massive headache for a few days, decided to pull through and just write this cus it’s been on my mind

WANDERER

✧ petty af

when he heard your sweet voice calling out to him, his attention was immediately on you. but wait— you didn‘t say his name. but you’re looking straight at him?! his face instantly turns into a scowl as he questioned you. he asked you why you were thinking of someone else while you were with him. he then gasped as you started smiling, trying to contain your laughter. when you told him it was a prank, he didn’t believe you. he made you show him where you got the idea, and then proceeded to scoff and pout. gave you the silent treatment for about 30 minutes.

"what the hell did you call me?!"

XIAO

✧ confused

he stared at you blankly. you were looking at him, but addressing someone else? he was super confused. took a glance behind him to see if someone had suddenly appeared, even though he knew he’d be able to sense them. you couldn’t hold in your giggle as you watched him look around, totally lost. your laughing only made him even more puzzled, so you came clean and explained it pretty quickly. he asked what the point was and just sighed and shook his head when you said it was to tease him.

"what’s the purpose…?"

AETHER

✧ pouted

he was so hurt. you know how many people he’s met?! he’s never, not once, mixed up anyone’s name; especially not yours. his mouth actually dropped open a little when you looked him dead in the eyes and called him the wrong name. and you didn’t even notice! he had to call you out. and to make it worse, you denied it. you only cracked because of his overly offended and baffled face (his face: 😧) . when you laughed you knew the prank was over, so you just explained it. it didn’t help though, aether was still pouty about you tricking him like that. you had to make up for it the entire day.

"uh… you called me the wrong name. what?! yes you did! i heard you!"

KAZUHA

✧ brushed it off

was kind of disappointing on your end. people make mistakes and he’s well aware of that. he chuckled a little and told you it was fine, even admitted that he does that a lot too. when you sulked a bit at the lack of reaction, he noticed and asked what was wrong. he actually had to cover his face with the back of his hand to hold back his laugh after you explained the prank. he teased you and said he was sorry, which only made your face warm with embarrassment. he told you to do it again so he could act offended.

"oh i’m so sorry i messed up your prank. let’s try again, yeah?" (said sarcastically)

[definitelynotshouting]

just read thru ur hunger au loredoc and now am going to read the fic…. LOVE the worldbuilding, aaaahhhh……

a couple of curious questions now though!

do ender dragons serve any specific purpose/have connections within the ecosystem at large, or are they just kinda like… internal organs for servers as Entities?

is there any particular way that game updates manifest, or is it sort of a presumption that they were there “the whole time”? and if the former, where are the updates coming from? 👁️👁️

and last! are there any servers outside of those connected to grian‘s specific arc that you have had any interesting thoughts about? ie empires, new life, vault hunters, dsmp, origins, mianite, etc

This has been sitting in my inbox for MONTHS but i finally have some brainpower to answer it so!!! Firstly i really hope you ended up enjoying the fic if youve gotten around to reading it :]] and im really glad you like all the worldbuilding and lore!! These are such great questions so im gonna try my best to do them justice >:]]

So i only recently puzzled this out with the Ender Dragon's role in the overall universe's ecosystem, but to explain it i need to go on a bit of a tangent. So if youve been through my loredoc, then you probably already know that Players are what drive the creation of server worlds-- ive likened this before to the protective shell of an egg, surrounding a Spawned Player to shield it from the inhospitable environment of the in-between. For the purposes of this analogy, we'll say a server is like the eggshell, while the Player inside it is the chick growing within. Once a Player has developed enough, gone through the majority of their progression advancements, the universe will direct them to one last task-- kill the Ender Dragon. This is the egg-tooth, what will essentially hatch the Player so they can emerge from their shell and enter the universe at large (aka join and discover other servers, mingle with other Players, etc etc).

The way Ender Dragons function in servers is that they essentially lock travel to and from them-- while the dragon is alive, nothing comes in, and nothing comes out. Once killed, the return gateway at the center island is opened up to the overworld-- but thats not the only function it has. Return gateways can actually serve as a portal to other open servers!! Players can adjust the server address via their comm, and spawn in at a completely different location than the server they just left. This is how basic intra-server travel occurs!!

Relatedly, Hypixel is what i consider a "hub" server-- aka a large, traffic-heavy server that acts as a bridge point for Players hopping between distant worlds. The distance between two servers is a very distinct factor in how easy it is to travel between them, and after a certain point, you cant hop directly across that gap without needing to use a hub server as a bridge. Its sorta like a rest stop during long road trips, if you look at it sideways. Because of this Hypixel is very touristy in my mind and hosts a lot of constant entertainment for Players who stop there on their way to another destination!!!

(an additional fun little fact for you: when MCC isnt hosting its monthly tournament, it acts as a hub server as well!! Noxcrew are in charge of upkeeping its maintenance :] )

For servers other than those already mentioned, ive definitely had some thoughts about empires and dsmp. Most of them boil down to the fact that 90% of what Players do is basically LARP 😂😂😂 so Empires??? Entirely LARPing. These guys are living their best lives just making shit up and my gods are they having fun with it. My thoughts on DSMP are actually on a similar note, with one key difference: i think it started out as pure LARPing, and then everyone just got a little... too into it, per se. Like huge case of "got too invested and now theres actual emotional stakes here in what was supposed to be a silly play-pretend conflict" and then things just started spiraling out of control. I havent put a WHOLE ton of thought into it beyond that tho

As for updates, my thoughts are a bit complex-- for things that arent mobs (aka structures), im operating more on the basis of "theyve always been there"-- but for mobs themselves, i think the process is sorta akin to randomized and rapid evolution. New mobs arent uniformly pushed out into server worlds-- i think they just sometimes appear, and then gradually more and more Players begin to encounter them; sorta like randomized rollouts, in a way. Newer worlds are more likely to host newer mobs, while older ones may not see them soon or even at all, depending on where theyre at in their own life cycles. Smth ive also been thinking a lot about lately which i promise is vaguely related to this is that Player-kept information isnt centralized!! They dont really have the internet like we do, so any news about new mobs showing up in vanilla worlds has to be spread purely by word-of-mouth

I hope these answered your questions well!! Thank you for being so patient with me while i cooked :]]❤️

[stillaclownlol]

Hiding in the bathroom from a man rn lmao

Aidlyn headcanons because...please? Please? They make me sick /positive

These aren't all fluffy or whatever because they traumatized af and relationships like that are...difficult... but not impossible.

-he's 8-ish months older than her and like, 20ish cms taller (sorry I don't know how American feet work lol 😭)

-He hyperfixated on the relationship lmao.

-Clingy...they BOTH are. In different ways I mean but. They are both clingy. They're scared the other is gonna die when they aren't around lol 🙃 Aiden is ofc very touchy and grabby, he just has to FEEL that she's with him. Also type of guy to call at 2am "hey bby u good?". Ash gets antsy if she hasn't seen or heard from him in a while (a while means like 2 hours) especially since he like spam texts her every 5 seconds. But he also hyperfixates or disassociates for a while and will forget 🤡 like she will yell at him about why he didn't call her for 17 hours and he'll just be like "um sorry. I was. Staring at a wall."

-he has a lot of weird/cringy ass pet names for her that makes her want to slap him; probably calls her Bae or whatever. Ash nicknames for Aiden: Idiot, stupid, dumbass, public safety hazard...called him "dear" like once just to try it and hated it. "Mr. Durable" if she wants to annoy him.

-worlds worst pick up lines. Ash NEVER understands them.

-he loves surprises! Surprise him! He wants to surprise Ash too! She kinda hates this. They decided to "compromise": he will tell her beforehand that there is a "surprise" and gives her little clues/puzzles so she can figure out whatever it is. He has like 0 patience tho so he always helps her figure them out 🤡 Ash likes watching him get excited about the puzzles and doing them together more than the surprise half of the time.

-Him infodumping is like white noise so she can sleep lol.

-they try to do things the other likes since Ash thinks this is important for a "healthy relationship". Almost died when they went to an indoor rock climbing place 💀 but she got to see Aiden in a leotard when they did ballet together so it was a fair trade (blackmail)

-he is her hypeman at ballet recitals, will probably cheer when she comes on stage and has a sign and everything, the rest of the gang (and Ash) is just like "...we don't know this guy"

-she wishes he took care of himself more. Sends him stuff like "did you drink any water today", "Ben told me you're gonna skateboard down the hill please dont", or "IF YOU SET YOUR BOOKS ON FIRE IM GONNA CALL THE POLICE" <3

-sometimes if she's sad she just kinda. Falls on his back. Like a koala or smth. She has that "I literally cannot do anything" sort of depression (which to be fair Aiden also has sometimes). Aiden carries her around.

-when nobody's looking she kisses his cheek, cuz she knows his face is usually sore from smiling so much.

-pretty low key on her part, but Aiden is so obvious everybody knows 💀 She doesn't like PDA (more so the fact that people stare) but Aiden will usually put his arm around her shoulders or waist/give her a smooch (not on the mouth) <3 it's honestly not that different from how he was when they were just friends ngl 🤡

-he says "I love you" easily, because it genuinely is the easiest thing in the world for him. He has 0 doubts about how he feels for her. Ash doesn't say it a lot cuz she feels weird saying it, so she does her best to show it in other ways.

-he gets jealous easily *siiiiigh* It's cuz he's insecure!!! Help him! 😭 He doesn't get annoyed with her because like. Ash pays about as much attention to other guys (I mean besides Tyler, Ben and Logan) as she does to dust. But he will death glare at any guy they don't know that's staring at her 💀

-kinda codependent... *looks at the floor* they are working on it. Sometimes Aiden feels like he's only alive for her. (I- Look at episode 61- IVE BEEN IN HIS POSITION. AIDEN BABY THIS AINT HEALTHY)

-absolute dork. Draws "A.C. + A.B." in a little heart in his note margins because he's goofy like that.

-he fell first she fell harder NO I will not be taking any criticism for this.

Anyways it's raining outside so I'll just post this now

[galliro]

So Ive seen alot of complaints about passing in the new season and while I agree I think it comes down to 2 things.

1) Someone at riot definetly pushed for more music videos. This could also be explained by them cutting the number of seasons to 2 which requiered large section which would have otherwise been episodes to be told through music videos instead (that one chembaron song (start of epsiode 2) and paint the town blue being the most blatant examples in my opinion)

2) The time skips are unclear and the show otself seems.to have gotten lost. From dialogue its clear its been around a year since the end of act 1 to.the start of act 2. This goes to explain alot of whats comes out as "rushed". Caitlyns turn away from Embessa is alot less sudden if its been a year of her slowly dounting herself and Embessa. Similarly jayce being stuck where ever he was for 1 year also explains his "I am here to fuck shit up for act 3" appearance and actions in act 2.

That being said there is one main issue here and thats mel who contrary to the rest of the story seems to take place soon after her kidnapping. This could hint at a possible "time loop" where leblanc erases her memory so she can try the puzzle over and over again but this is not well indicated.

Overall, this reaks of corporate interference with a project. Arcane needed atleast 3 seasons to tell its story fully and without being rushed which makes me really sad since while I still adore the show Im.quite scared that the ending will not feel satisfying

[stardustloserdoll]

he lives in my head rent free

love, alex

i took a sip from my drink and glanced up from my book, scanning the room. it didn’t take long to sense someones gaze on me. i looked over and saw it was a guy with a pen in one hand and a small book in the other. his eyes widened when our eyes met, causing him to look away quickly. i smiled to myself and took another sip of my drink before returning my focus to my book.

i couldn’t help but steal glances at him. i watched as he as he wrote in his book with a concentrated look on his face. gently tapping his fingers on the table, mouthing some things to himself. he would glance up at me occasionally, but he would quickly look down continuing his writing.

a few minutes went by and when i looked up again, he was preparing to leave. fuck. i haven’t even made a move yet. i bounced my leg anxiously, forcing myself to get the courage to go up to him and ask for his number, until i noticed him placing some money on the table walking my way. fuck fuck fuck.

i cleared my throat, taking a big sip of my drink trying to not make eye contact with him, putting my head down. until i heard footsteps nearing and coming to a halt.

“hi.” he said softly. i looked up slowly, getting a better look of him now that we were face to face. “hi.” i responded quickly. “mind if i join you?” he asked gesturing to the empty seat in front of me. “no yeah, go ahead.” i smiled closing the book.

he took a seat clearing his throat. both awkwardly staring at each other without saying anything. he looked down at the book, and turned his head slightly to read the title. “oh hey, this is my favorite book.” my eyes lit up when he said that “no way, really? i love this book also. ive read it like 1,000 times or something. i always find myself coming back to it. its so good.”

he responded with a quiet ‘yeah’ and leaned back in the seat “it’s such a beautiful book, i usually read it before bed so i can fall asleep.” i laughed “like a bed time story then?” he chuckled nodding his head in agreement. “oh how rude of me. im alex. alex turner. and you are?” he smiled holding out his hand “y/n l/n.” i replied shaking his hand.

as our conversation went on we got to know more about each other. alex told me he was in a band called ‘arctic monkeys’ and they had their first album coming out soon. the way his eyes lit up when he talked about it made my heart melt.

“well, i guess we should start heading home.” i said, wrapping my arms around myself, trying to keep myself warm from the cold nights air. “i enjoyed talking with you alex.” he placed his hands in his leather jackets pockets. “i did too y/n. i hope to see you next time.”

“i hope so too.” i whispered taking in his features, his cheeks flushed pink from the cold and his lips slightly chapped. i brought my hands up to his cheeks and pressed a gentle kiss on his lips. he quickly placed his hands on my waist and kissed back. our lips connecting perfectly like puzzle pieces. we both pulled away looking into each others eyes with flustered faces.

“well, i’ll see you soon.” i said placing my hands on his shoulders. “goodnight alex.” he smiled bringing of my my hands up to his lips, placing a kiss on my knuckles. “goodnight y/n.”

it had been a while since i last seen alex. i showed up in the pub almost every night, hoping to find him there. but he never was. i missed him.

i stepped through the door, anxiously scanning the room to see if i could spot him. no luck.

i sighed and began making my way out the door until i heard a familiar voice call out my name. i turned back around quickly noticing alex pushing through the crowd with a big smile. i gasped holding my arms out to him “alex!”

he walked up to me wrapping his arms around my waist, spinning me around. “i missed you.” we both said in sync, making us both giggle. “im sorry for being absent, i been performing with the band and i got a bit busy. i should’ve asked for your number that night-.” he spoke frantically, a worried look on his face.

i laughed holding his face in my hands. “it’s alright don’t worry. im glad i got to see you again, i really missed you.” i placed a kiss on his forehead. “i missed you more.” he said placing his hands over mine. “can we go outside? i want to give you something.”

we walked outside sitting down on the concrete, leaning against the old yellow brick wall. “i meant to give you this before.” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a sightly crumpled note. “just a little something i wrote.”

i smiled taking the note from him, slowly opening it.

y/n,

ever since i saw you in the pub, i couldn’t help but be entranced by your beauty. from our first glance to our shared kiss at the end of the night, i yearned for you more and more. i can’t stop thinking about you. i love everything about you, when i close my eyes all i can see is you. a feeling i cant shake, nor erase. so here i write, in a soon to be crumpled note, my feelings and love for you so true, in every line, and every word.

love, alex