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the-bau-quinjet · 3 years

Text

Memories, Pt. IV

Summary: You were captured by Hydra. What did they do to your memories?

Warnings: mentions of violence, panic attacks, torture

Word Count: 4878

a/n: The last part! I'm so sorry this took so long! I planned to have it done over the weekend, but life got in the way. Hopefully y'all like the ending though!

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

3 Months Ago

"Come back to me, okay?" Bucky pressed his forehead to yours, relishing in this moment.

"I promise. I love you" You give him a quick kiss before moving back to board the quinjet. He calls out his response just as the doors begin to close.

"I love you too!" Bucky watched the quinjet fly away, waiting until you were completely out of sight before he turned to go back inside.

He nearly ran through the building, the excitement and nervousness he was feeling rolling off him in waves. He nearly ran right past Steve before skidding to a stop, grabbing onto a wall to slow himself down.

"Hey Buck." Steve greeted him with a furrowed brow. Typically after you leave for a mission, Bucky spends the next week moping. "What's got you so happy with Y/N gone?"

"I need your help." Bucky grinned, so focused on his plans that he missed Sam and Tony walking into the room.

"With?" Steve prompted, eager to figure out why Bucky was behaving so strangely.

"Picking out a ring." Bucky stated confidently, earning gasps from all three men. He spun around, eyes widening in surprise to find Sam and Tony in the doorway.

"You're proposing?" Sam nearly squealed with delight.

"Do you need dinner reservations? I know a guy at L'Artusi, I could probably get you in the week she comes back even though reservations are booked months in advance. Oh! I need to get Pepper to start planning a party." Tony mumbled more to himself, thinking back to how he proposed to Pepper.

"Tony!" Bucky nearly had to scream to get the man's attention. "I appreciate the offer, really, but I don't think Y/N is a fancy restaurant, big party kind of gal." Bucky sighed, not having expected to share his proposal plan just yet.

Steve cut in before Tony could respond, knowing the billionaire would say something about everyone loving fancy restaurants. "Congrats, Buck. I'm happy for you."

"She hasn't said yes, yet." He mumbled in response, suddenly feeling a bit bashful at being the center of attention.

"She will. That girl is madly in love with you." Sam encouraged, but couldn't help adding in a playful joke. "For reasons unbeknownst to me."

"Thanks for the encouragement." Bucky rolled his eyes, turning back to Steve. "So will you help me?"

Steve nodded, happy to help in any way necessary. "Of course, did you have any ideas?"

"I'll help too!" Tony added in, inserting himself into the conversation. He held up a hand before either man could interject. "And before you say it'll be too much if I have any say, I'll just help you get the ring made and to you in a reasonable time."

Bucky smiled, about to thank Tony when Sam cut in again. "If he's helping, I want in too. You can't leave me out!" He whined.

"Fine. You can both help too. Just don't push it." He eyes Sam, knowing he would take any opportunity to mess with him.

"Did you have any ideas or did you want to go to a jeweler tomorrow?" Steve asked, trying to refocus the conversation.

"Actually, I have a few ideas." He took a deep breath, trying to prepare for any criticism the men would throw at him for his unusual choices. "Nothing too flashy, and I don't want a diamond."

Tony nearly fainted with how big of a gasp he took. "No diamond? But, but, diamonds! Diamonds are the best! She deserves diamonds!" He stomped his foot, nearly throwing a full on temper tantrum before Bucky jumped in again.

"You're absolutely right, she deserves the world." He smiled softly, just thinking about you. "I just don't think she would like a diamond." He tried to explain.

"Tony, Buck probably knows her best..." Steve cut in, trying to calm him down.

"Friday, call Natasha and Wanda to the kitchen." Tony sent out the command, receiving a response from the AI before anyone could protest.

"What are you doing? You can't tell them!" Bucky harshly whispered, knowing it wouldn't be long before the two women arrived.

Tony sighed dramatically, "Look. If you don't think she'd like a diamond, those two are going to be your best bet at figuring out what she would want."

Bucky opened his mouth to protest, but realized Tony was probably right. He hadn't made it much past his no diamond idea. "Fine, we can ask them for help." He resigned himself to everybody knowing his plans.

"Help with what?" Wanda asked as her and Nat strolled into the room, eyes slightly narrowed.

"What kind of engagement ring Y/N would like." Sam relished in the surprise that overtook their faces.

Nat recovered in seconds, scoffing immediately. "Well, definitely not a diamond."

"You're right. Too flashy for her." Wanda immediate went into planning mode.

Steve clapped Bucky on the back, reassuring him that he was on the right track.

"Yeah, Romeo over here already ruined my plans with that idea." Tony huffed. "What kind of stone then?"

They all spent the next few hours debating between opal, amethyst, sapphire, and sunstone. Then another few hours debating the shape and style of the stone and band. By the time the entire ring design had been settled, the sun was rising the next morning.

"I'll send the plans to my jeweler. You should have it in hand a few days before Y/N is due to get back." Tony stated, happy that you would be receiving the best money could buy.

"Thank you. All of you." Bucky turned to look at the people who had become family to him. "I really appreciate the help."

"Now we just need to plan the proposal." Nat smirked, a teasing glint in her eyes.

"Nope. That is for me to know, and Y/N to tell you if she says yes." Bucky smiled, glad he had already planned how he was going to ask you.

"I'll worm it out of you. You know I will!" Sam narrowed his eyes, ready to start his barrage of questions when Friday cut into the conversation.

"We have lost tracking capabilities on the quinjet. Communication with onboard agents has failed. Enacting emergency personnel tracking protocols."

Everyone froze, anticipating Friday's next announcement. In seconds, they would all know if you were okay or if you were missing.

"Tracking failed. Agent L/N's whereabouts unknown."

They all took off to the lab, Bucky leading the way despite not knowing how to use the technology to try and find you.

Tony started asking questions: what was the jet's last known location? Did any of the tech onboard fail? Was another aircraft present in the vicinity? Were missiles involved? Any heat signature information from before it went offline?

Each question asked did little to calm Bucky's racing heart. It felt like his world was collapsing, his future falling apart right before his eyes.

"We have to find her." He whispered more to himself than anyone else in the room. "We have to."

Present

"Where's Y/N?" Bucky asked as he sat down in the debriefing room. Everyone else was already there, waiting for Tony to explain why he called the impromptu meeting.

"She's... She's in the med bay." Immediately Bucky was out of his chair, ready to run to you. "Barnes. You need to hear this before you go. She's fine, she just had a panic attack and passed out."

"Fine? You call that fine?" He was nearly raging, pushing to get back to the door.

"Relatively, yeah. Look, just trust me on this. We'll all go see her when I've filled you in." Tony sighed, knowing it wasn't going to be easy to explain what you told him.

"Filled us in on what?" Nat questioned first, honing in on Tony's distressed state.

"Y/N." He stated simply, finally getting Bucky to listen to him.

"What do you mean, Y/N? You just said she was fine!" His words cut through the room. He just got you back, he couldn't lose you again.

"Physically, she is. Would you just sit down?" Tony practically begged, trying his best not to break down at the memory of the pain in your eyes.

Bucky stomped back to his seat, giving Tony his undivided attention and gesturing for him to continue.

"I ran into her last night. Literally. She was running through the halls. It looked like she had just seen a ghost." He ran a hand through his hair, struggling to contain his emotions.

"I figured she was just having flashbacks to being held captive, so I made her talk to me." He closed his eyes, unable to look everyone in the eye as he continued his explanation.

"I should've noticed sooner. She wasn't acting right. I just thought it was PTSD. I-" Steve cut him off this time.

"Tony. What happened?"

"She wasn't making any sense. She said she didn't belong here, that she wasn't who we thought she was." Confusion grew on everyone's faces as Tony explained your breakdown. "Said she wasn't an Avenger. She was a murderer."

"The experiments..." Nat mumbled to herself, putting the pieces together as Tony continued explaining what happened.

"Long story short, she thinks she made a bomb that killed 38 people and that she was in prison for 3 years before we broke her out and brought her here." He took a deep breath, letting his words sink in for everyone.

"She was mumbling about experiments." Nat said louder now that Tony was done. "In the kitchen. She said they would bring her to another room sometimes, but it looked like it hurt for her to remember. They must've messed with her head."

Bucky could barely breathe. You strange behavior suddenly made sense. Your surprise at being part of the Avengers, not wanting to tell him what was bothering you, leaving bed before he woke up, not telling him you loved him. It all started making more sense.

"We have to tell her the truth."

While everyone was trying to come up with the best plan to help you with your memories, you woke up in the med bay alone.

You were surprised to have been left alone after admitting to your crimes, but you took the opportunity to finish what you started: running away.

You quickly found your way to the elevator hoping you could remember which floor would lead to an exit. As you snuck down the halls, you could hear voices coming from one of the rooms.

"We have to tell her the truth."

You felt your heart flutter at the sound of Bucky's voice. He had been so kind to you. it felt wrong to just leave him, but you didn't see another choice. You couldn't bear the thought of looking him in the eye now that Tony likely told him about your past.

You quickly made your way back to the elevator, figuring a different floor would be better suited for your escape.

You ultimately made it outside, deciding to forego any vehicles you passed. They could probably be tracked. Instead, you took off through the woods.

It wasn't long before Bucky got tired of debating how best to fix your memories. He needed to see you. He needed to know you were alright.

"Look, call Shuri and T'Challa. See if they can come here to help her." Bucky headed for the door, not waiting for a response before making his way to you.

Everyone but Tony, who was calling T'Challa, quickly followed his hasty exit.

When they arrived to the med bay, it was empty.

"Where is she?" Sam questioned, causing everyone to glance around the room.

Tony walked in as everyone searched the multitude of beds, making sure you were in fact not in the room.

"You said she was in the med bay." Bucky glared, waiting for Tony to explain.

"She was." He glanced around the room as well, confused by your absence. "She passed out, so I brought her here. They gave her a sedative to calm her heart rate. She should still be sleeping."

"She's not here." Bucky stopped moving, the realization causing a mixture of anger and panic to course through him. "She's not here." He repeats it louder, causing everyone else to freeze as well.

"Friday, where is Y/N?" Tony asked the AI, knowing it was a waste to search the compound.

"She left the Med Bay 23 minutes ago, briefly stopping outside the debriefing room before exiting the building from the garage." The AI easily recounted your quick escape.

"Are there any cars missing?" Tony followed up, figuring you'd be easy enough to track.

"All vehicles are accounted for."

"She's on foot. Friday, which direction did she go?" Bucky asked, barely waiting for a response as he ran from the room.

"I can track her movements via security footage east until she hits the woods."

Tony, Sam, Nat, Wanda, Steve, Vision, and Clint all followed right behind Bucky as he ran out of the compound.

Bucky and Nat headed east, following Friday's information. Everyone else split up, figuring it'd be best to cover all directions since you could have doubled back or gotten turned around in the woods.

You weren't sure how long you had been on the move, but you had made it about 3.5 miles when you found what looked like an abandoned treehouse.

With the sun setting and the exhaustion of waking up in a hospital bed catching up to you, you figured it'd be best for you to stop and rest for the night.

Hopefully you made it far enough to avoid detection for now. Ideally, they wouldn't start the manhunt for you until morning.

You climbed into the treehouse slowly, trying to distribute your weight over the creaking and breaking floorboards. You settled in the corner, propping yourself against the walls to keep an eye on the door.

Eventually, you drifted off to sleep, the sounds of frogs croaking and crickets chirping invading your senses.

Your sleep was restless, plagued by memories of a life you barely remembered, memories that felt more like a dream than reality.

Nat and Bucky tracked you through the woods methodically. Every snapped twig or partial footprint lead them in your direction. The sun set early in their search, but it did little to deter their efforts.

A few hours after dark, they approached the abandoned treehouse you camped out in.

Even twenty yards away, they could hear your whispered screams.

"No. No, no, no. No, please. Stop. Bucky, help me. Please don't. Please." You begged.

Bucky's heart broke at the sound of pain in your voice. It killed him to know you were begging for him while Hydra was removing him from your memory.

He climbed the ladder of the treehouse rapidly, not paying any mind to the creaking floors and breaking boards. He rushed to you in the corner, pulling you into his arms as he tried to wake you up.

"Y/N, I'm here. I've got you. You're safe. I'm here now." He whispered into your neck, rocking you back and forth.

"Bucky?" You squinted in confusion, eyes adjusting to the dark.

"I've got you, doll. You're safe now." He easily replied, trying to calm you from your nightmares.

"No, Bucky. I- I killed people." You sobbed, your hands burying themselves into his shirt.

"No, doll. Y/N, that's not real." He repeated your name, trying to convince you of the truth. "Hydra, they messed with your memories. We can fix it."

"But, no- I hurt people." You were shaking, trying to explain even though you'd rather give in.

"Please trust me. Let's go back to the compound. We can figure it all out. We'll get your memories back, I promise." He held you in his arms in an unwavering grip, afraid if he let you go you would disappear. "Come back to me, okay?"

"I promise. I love you." You whispered the words more to yourself, trying to figure out why they came to mind. Images flashed through your mind; saying goodbye to Bucky, boarding a jet, being attacked in the air, Hydra.

"I'll come with you." Your voice was shaky, still unsure of what was true.

Bucky quickly lead you out of the treehouse, regrouping with Nat on the ground.

"Good?" Nat questioned, trying to prepare for if you ran.

"Good, for now." Bucky replied, scooping you into his arms to carry you back to the compound.

- You woke up to voices, patches of light flickering across your closed eyelids.

"Can you do it?" You recognized Bucky, but the responding voice was only vaguely familiar.

"I can. It will take some time, but it does not appear to be as severe as your own memory problems." His memory problems? What was she talking about?

"Shuri, you're a genius." Shuri, the name triggered something in your mind, but it's like you can't put the pieces together.

"I know. Now let me get to work." She shooed him out of the lab as your world faded to black yet again.

Bucky sat beside your bed the second Shuri allowed him to. If it weren't for Steve bringing him food, he wouldn't have eaten anything in the day and a half you've been asleep.

"Buck, you've got to rest." Steve tried for the fifteenth time to get his friend to sleep.

"I can't. Steve, if I sleep and she's not here when I wake up..." He trailed off, unable to put to words the pain of losing you again.

"I'll stay with her. She'll be here when you wake up, I promise." Steve sighed.

"You'll stay?" His voice was small, his body's need for sleep finally overpowering his concern for you.

"Promise." Steve nodded, pulling a chair to sit next to your bed while Bucky laid down in the hospital bed next to yours. "I would've preferred a real bed, but I'll take it."

"Good, because I'm not going anywhere." Bucky closed his eyes, knowing he had to at least try to sleep to avoid another scolding from Steve.

A few hours later, Steve couldn't help but smile as he watched Bucky finally get some rest. Even asleep in a different bed, his body was angled toward yours.

"Steve?" Your voiced cracked, throat dry from crying and lack of use.

"Y/N?" He sat up instantly, moving to pass you a glass of water.

"What the hell happened? Where's Buck?" You questioned, feeling as though your brain was a pile of mush.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Steve avoided your questions for the time being, subtly pulling out his phone to message Shuri.

"The mission. The quinjet was attacked. Hydra took me captive." You slowly put the pieces together. "But you saved me. Bucky saved me. Right?" You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to clear up the memories.

"That's right. Do you remember anything else?" Steve probed gently, unsure of how to tell you about the last few days.

"Um, there was a lab in the basement. They brought me there sometimes. I think..." Everything in your head felt incomplete, like you only knew part of the story.

"You're awake." A feminine voice called from the door to the med bay, causing you and Steve to turn your heads.

"Shuri! It's so good to see you." You pull her in for a hug as soon as she's close enough to your bed. "What are you doing here?"

Shuri eyes you suspiciously, willing you to remember everything with just her stare. "You'll remember soon enough. What do you remember from the past few days?"

"Um, where do you want me to start? I was just telling Steve, I left for the mission, but the jet was attacked and I was captured. I think Hydra must've tried to do experiments on me or something, I remember a lab." Your whole body shook, shivering from the bad memory.

"Good. It's good you remember that." Shuri nodded, a confident smile on her face. "What about after you were rescued?"

You thought back to that moment, but it was a little fuzzy. "Bucky... Bucky was there. He carried me out." Suddenly, an even more urgent thought popped into your head. "Oh my God. Where's Bucky?"

Steve gestured to your left, pointing out a sleeping Bucky in the bed next to yours. He always looked so peaceful while he slept.

You couldn't stop the grin from forming on your face as you watched him. You couldn't imagine how he was feeling while you were gone.

"Messages." You whispered. "I remember listening to messages from Bucky. He- He must've left them while he was looking for me, while you were all looking for me." Your eyebrow furrowed in confusion.

"Y/N?" Steve questioned, drawing you back to the present. "What is it?"

"I'm not sure." You shook your head, as if the action in itself would clear your mind. "I remember how I felt when I listened to the messages and it doesn't make any sense."

"How did you feel?" Shuri questioned, eager to see if she gave you back all of your memories, including the past few days.

"Guilty? I think." You replayed the messages in your head as best as you could remember.

"What do you mean guilty?' Steve questioned.

"Like they weren't really for me. Like I wasn't actually me." You looked at Steve and Shuri as they shared a look. "What are you not telling me?"

"I'll leave this one to you, Captain. She is healing nicely." Shuri turned to you before she walked out of the room. "You should understand everything in a few hours. Just give your mind time to put the pieces together."

"Steve, what is she talking about?" You settled a hard glare in his direction, knowing he knew more than you.

"Let me ask you this: do you know how long you were gone?" Steve sighed, unsure how exactly to explain everything.

"About 3 months. I tried to keep a tally while I was there, based on the daily routine." You responded easily.

"Well, when we found you, although we didn't know it at the time, you thought you had been there for 3 years." Steve looked like he was about to continue when you interrupted.

"38 people. I thought I killed 38 people." Suddenly, the pieces were falling into place. "They made me forget who I was. Erased my past and gave me a new one." Your breathing was speeding up as everything came back to you.

"Y/N, hey, look at me." Steve nearly commanded causing you to meet his eye. "You're safe now. We've got you."

You nodded, matching your breathing to his pace to settle your racing heart.

"How long has Buck been asleep." You looked at his sleeping form, wanting more than anything to wake him up.

"A few hours. Ya know, it's good to hear you calling him Buck again." Steve looked at his friend as well, knowing he would be furious that he was still asleep when you were now awake.

"What do you mean?" You turned back to Steve, the question clear on your face.

"The past few days, I mean we all thought it was PTSD." He ran a hand through his hair, guilt clearly playing at his emotions. "Well, not Nat. She knew something was up."

"Of course." You chuckled.

"You called him Bucky every time you talked to him."

"Isn't that normal though?" You were more confused now than before.

"No, not really. You use a lot more pet names than you realize. Plus, you didn't say 'I love you' when you woke up." Steve sighed, again upset at not putting it together sooner.

"Well, that should've been a dead giveaway." You joked, but Steve's eyes remained sad. "Hey, it's not your fault. I'm fine now. That's all that matters."

"I'm glad to have you back." He looked at you with so much sincerity, you nearly started crying again.

Before you could respond Bucky groaned, stretching as he woke up.

"Damn, that was a good nap. How long was I out?" He asked before opening his eyes.

"Oh, just a few hours. You should really sleep more." You answered casually.

"Y/N, you know I can't sleep when- Y/N!" His eyes popped open comically wide as he nearly threw himself out of the bed.

"I love you." You said it so clearly he froze next to your bed.

"You remember?" He asked, voice full of hope.

"I do." The tears pooled in your eyes again as you watched his body visibly relax.

"I missed you so much, doll." You pulled him on top of you in the bed, needing to hold him as close as possible.

"I missed you too. I knew you'd come for me." You smiled through the tears, breathing in his scent.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry it took so long. I'm sorry I didn't realize everything sooner. I'm so sorry." He apologized over and over.

"Look at me." He moved his head back just far enough to look you in the eye. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Not one single thing. Okay?"

"But-" His protests were quickly cut off.

"Not. One. Single. Thing." You stared him down until he nodded.

The two of you cuddled in your hospital bed while Steve went to update everyone on your condition. He could've just had Friday announce it, but he wanted to give you and Bucky a minute to yourselves.

"I've got a date planned for you." Bucky smiled cheekily.

"Oh really?" He nodded. "Care to share with the room?"

"Nope. It's a surprise." He shared a small smile, the love he felt so easily portrayed through his eyes.

"I love you. So much." You couldn't help but blurt it out one more time before everyone barged into the room.

"I love you too."

"We're going to be late." Bucky huffed, waiting for you to leave the bathroom.

"Well, if you had told me where we were going it would've been easier to pick an outfit." You teased him back. He had never been good at keeping secrets from you, so the fact that your date destination was still a surprise shocked you.

"I told you to wear whatever you want. You always look beautiful." He relished in the bashful smile that you covered with a playful roll of your eyes.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm ready now Mr. Impatient." You grabbed his hand as you walked out of your bathroom.

"Good, let's go." He guided you to the kitchen where he stopped to grab a picnic basket. He then lead you hand in hand to a blanket set up by the lake.

"We were going to be late for a picnic?" You questioned, fixing Bucky with a teasing glare.

"Not the picnic. The sunset." He teased back, turning your head to look out over the water.

You hadn't realized the sun was already in the midst of setting. "It's beautiful." You smiled as you stared at the horizon, the ultimate picture of peace and tranquility.

"Y/N, I've been in love with you for so long, I can't remember what it was like before I met you." Bucky kept his eyes trained on you as you took in the pink and orange hues of the setting sun.

"That's just because you have a bad memory." You joked, but your breath caught in your throat when you turned to look at him.

"Maybe so, but I don't want to remember any part of my life that you weren't in." He stated from his kneeling position. "I knew from the second you agreed to get dinner with me that I would ask you to marry me someday."

He pulled a small velvet box from his pocket, opening it to reveal a teardrop cut sunstone ring, small diamonds set along the band.

"Y/N, will you marry me?"

You shook your head up and down as you willed your voice to answer him.

"Yes. Bucky, I- yes."

He slipped the ring onto your finger, silently thanking Nat and Wanda for knowing your ring size. He then pulled you down into his lap, pressing a series of quick kisses to your lips between smiles.

"I love you so much, doll." He whispered, pressing kisses to your cheeks, nose, and forehead.

"I love you too, Bucky." You responded in kind. "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

He cuddle you closer, sliding the picnic basket next to you. "Let's start with dinner."

"I think I might be too excited to eat." He laughed at your pout.

"Well, if we hadn't of been late, you would've eaten before sunset." He smiled at your carefree laughter.

You looked out over the lake one more time, taking in the dusk sky as the sun swiftly dipped below the horizon.

"It was perfect just like this. You're perfect." You kissed him again, unable to contain the utter joy you were feeling.

"I'm hardly perfect." He objected.

"You're perfect to me." You countered.

"I love you. So much." He whispered one final time before kissing you again.

"I love you too."

Permanent taglist:

@averyhotchner @jesuswasnotawhiteman

Memories taglist:

@otherglowcloud @dontxfearxthereaper

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x y/n #marvel fic #mcu fic #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #avengers x reader #avengers x you #avengers fic

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mggpleasedontlookhere · 4 years

Text

reid’s anatomy pt. 2

summary: after seeing spencer in the OR, you have no other choice but to wait and see if he makes it or not

word count: 1,827 reading time: 7 mins

masterlist

Pt. 1

My spine had succumbed to the soreness that had spread throughout my lower body as me and Morgan sat almost lifelessly together on cold hospital floors.

If Spencer was present at the moment, he would ramble about the billion strains of bacteria and viruses incomprehensible by the naked eye, at which our skin would be exposed to. But he wasn’t here, he’s laying placid under OR lights that were just as bright as Time Square’s streets at night and a scalpel just as sharp as the sushi chef in the japanese cuisine he took me out for our 2 year anniversary.

Morgan still continued to stroke my head, our tear ducts running dry as the minutes passed us. I sat up from his shoulder, facing him for the first time since he came to check up on me.

“What happened out there?” I asked disdainfully. It was evident in my tone that I held some sort of animosity, possibly blame towards the team for not protecting Spencer. But deep down I knew that no matter how many cautionary provisions they’ve taken, you can never dodge the inevitable.

He flinched at the presence on my voice, not anticipating that I would be so prominent in speaking. He shifted to face the ceiling, sighing as he dragged his hand over the bridge of his nose.

“I-i can’t even to begin to explain Y/N. I-i’m so sorry” He repented, his eyes beginning to water again. I prolonged my examination of him, egging him to continue his narrative.

He now bowed his head, laying them on his hands that were supported by his knees. “We were with the unsub right” He painted out the scenario, I nodded while following along with his recollection of the events. “We were in the middle of a standoff. We had about 3 additional agents with us and the police force, but me and Reid were hanging back behind the unsub, in case he had tried to escape...” He paused in the midst of his sentence, taking in a breath as he began to choke on a few words.

“It was supposed to be me” He confessed, earning a look of perplexity from me. “The unsub had a kid in hostage, and the kid got in the middle of me and the unsub. So naturally I went to take the kid away, but I made the stupid mistake of dropping my gun. Obviously, the unsub heard and turned around to shoot me and the kid since we were both defenseless. But...Reid, he-. He shoved both me and the kid, taking the shot himself”.

The words that came from Morgan’s lips were incoherent by the time he finished. He looked over to me, his eyes exhibiting a great deal of grief before searching my own for a response or clemency.

In contrast to the circumstances that were placed before us, a forced chuckle lunged out from my throat, acquiring Morgan’s attention. A morbid smile planted on my lips as I thought about Spencer.

“He would’ve been such a good father. Don’t you think?” I asked using the same tone from earlier. Morgan agreed apprehensively, sorrow still evident by the way his body responded to mine.

“He deserves children. Doesn’t he, Derek?”

“Y/N- I don’t understa-”

“Then he should be able to have them” I snapped, slamming my fist against the wall behind me. Morgan reached a comforting hand out, but I swatted his hand away. I gave him a crazed look, running my hand through my hair. “H-he should have a family, he deserves a future...Morgan, he should be...alive. That’s how it’s supposed to be” I choked out, word vomit spilling from my mouth as my thoughts swirled around my head at a thousand miles an hour, any sense of rationality I had depleting.

“Y/N- I-”

Soft sobs racked my entire body and defeated whimpers had crawled up my esophagus. I rocked myself back and forth, burying my head into my arms until all I saw was the artificial darkness I placed myself in. It was almost a cocoon that composed of me and my thoughts, regardless if Morgan was next to me.

My own heartbeat was ringing in my ears, drowning out any other noise around me, including Morgan. That wasn’t until I heard scurried footsteps, metal hitting metal, and the attending inside the OR yelling brutal commands at the staff.

It suddenly came clear to me when Morgans hand gripped mine and all that could be heard from the OR was, “his BP is down, he’s going into V-fib, we’re losing him”. At that moment, my heart stopped and my vision dwindled, I was too tired to react. Pain resurfaced as my mind grew dizzy, next followed the sensation in my arms, legs, and back. Finally, my consciousness inevitably followed in its footsteps as it withered away to the sound of the doctors frantically shifting around to save Spencer’s life.

Light began to be apparent again, my vision gradually retaining it’s efficiency as I noticed I was placed on a hospital chair. I rubbed my eyes, sitting up in the seat that I was slumped down on, scratching my head while my eyes examined the environment.

The first thing that had caught my attention was that I wasn’t in the hallway anymore, but in a post-op room. My eyes felt heavy from all the crying I’ve done previously and my forehead grew hot from the stress I’ve undergone.

The sound of voices pricked my ears, and in curiosity, I stood up to investigate. Getting closer to the noise, I noticed my legs were tender and that I had a great difficulty at maneuvering around.

How long was I out?

I finally got to my destination and was met with a privacy curtain that ran from the ceiling to the floor. I heard a multitude of voices that rang from the other side of the curtain.

Uneasiness set in my bones, not wanting to get my hopes up. I slowly pushed the fabric aside, letting my presence be known, and let me tell you, it was the best decision I’ve made.

To my fortune, there stood the attending that was operating on Spencer with the rest of the crew that surrounded a single bed. On that hospital bed laid the love of my live.

Spencer was the first one I locked eyes with, he was in the middle of speaking with his colleagues when we did, which halted his speech. In recognition of Spencer’s pause, all eyes were then relocated to me. Although I didn’t reciprocate anyone else’s glances, except Spencer.

“C-can we have a moment of privacy please?” Spencer requested, looking at his doctor for approval.

The attending nodded in agreement, shifting his focus to me and gave me a hopeful smile. The same smile I would give to my patients after a successful surgery. Everyone filed out after the doctor one by one, leaving Morgan to be the last one out.

As he exited the room, I stopped him by the shoulder and silently thanked him. He returned the gesture with a large smile, nudging me towards Spence. When the room was finally empty, I inched towards spencer with the brightest smile I can wear. His eyes shone nothing but love as he continued to gawk at me venturing towards him.

When I finally got to his side, he greeted me with an amiable ‘hello’ like it was the first time we met. He reached out for my hand, placing it on his chest for comfort and giving it an affectionate kiss.

I, then, proceeded to lovingly whack him upside the head in return, earning a playful wince from him.

“I swear to god Spencer Reid, if you ever, and I mean EVER, put me through anything like that again, I will personally go into the OR and cut your LVAD wire and kill you myself, bec-”

“Y/N, honey, I’m here no-”

“DON’T. Don’t you dare tell me to calm down Spence because I will have to be restrained and placed in a mental hospital when I lose my license for kicking the IQ out of you” I finished, heaving as I gathered my composure.

Spencer looked at me amused, gripping my hand in his and hauling me closer to the side of his bed. “Y/N Y/L/N, I’m sorry for putting you through everything you went through” He looked up at me with sincere eyes, melting all the disdain that swelled in my heart.

I sighed, leaning down to lay my head on his chest, in which he gave me permission to hop into his bed. I pulled him in closer, terrified that he might vanish from my grasp into thin air. “Spencer, I love you so much” I sniffled, muffling my words into his chest. “You have no idea Spence, I-i felt so lost and hopeless. I-i couldn’t do anything to save you, they-they wouldn’t let me” I sobbed, my throat tightening up as the words spilled actively from my lips.

Spencer quieted me down, stroking my hair as I spoke. “I don’t know where I’d be without you Spence”. I looked up at the man who held me, my heart beating in delight, in contrast to the emotion my face was probably expressing.

He leaned in pressing a long lasting kiss on my lips, then he proceeded to reciprocate the same gesture on my forehead. “You’re my absolute everything Y/N’ He sighed. “Before I- before everything became a blur, all I could think of was you. All I could think of was that I took out one less person that can harm you. I love you so much Y/N”.

A comforting silence followed after, creating an environment of serendipity. I toyed with the hospital gown that covered his body, thinking of all the events that had occured before, thanking the heavens for the outcome that was given to me and praying for the future.

“I want a baby” I professed without warning, feeling Spencer tense up in surprise.

“W-what did you say Y/N?”

“I want a baby, I want to start a family with you” I continued, adjusting my position to get a good look at his reaction. “I want to have a baby now” I declared, determination dripping from my confession.

Spencer chuckled, gesturing to the IV and the tubes that were wired into him. “I would be glad to Y/N, but I’m kind of a human experiment as this moment” He joked.

We both chuckled in glee, holding each other tight as we basked in the pleasant scene. “But I would love to have little Y/N’s and Spencers running around, especially with the one I’d want nothing more than to spend my lifetime with” He pulled me into another kiss, peering deeply into my eyes before shutting his own to get some rest.

“I love you so much, Y/N Y/L/N” He whispered through his breath.

“I love you more than you know, Spencer Reid”

A/N:

That’s a wrap, you know I was going to end this short story with Spencer dying, but I thought about how evil that was. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it and don’t be afraid to put in any requests :)

taglist: @l0ve-0f-my-life @spideyreid @evelyn-4034

#spencer reid imagines #spencerreid #spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid icons #spencer x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x oc #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #matthew gray gubler #matthew gray gubler imagines

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hangrypa · 4 years

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s/p first year as a PA

I was hired as a hospitalist primarily for the transplant service. However, in the setting of the pandemic and staffing shortages, I am all over the place now and work in almost everything non-pediatric and non-surgical.

In my first few months as a PA, I was incredibly overwhelmed. I went from being a learner who switches specialties every month to a fully-fledged provider making life-or-death decisions on an hourly basis. Oftentimes I’d find myself in the room of a patient actively crumping, surrounded by the patient’s family and multiple nurses awaiting instructions on what to do to save the patient. I thought that I faced a lot of pressure in school, but it was nothing compared to this.

And just when I started to get a hang of it all, the pandemic hit. What a nightmare. As mentioned above, I was hired to work with with transplant patients. Prior to the pandemic, my transplant colleagues and I were masking and gowning for almost every patient: 1 surgical mask and 1 gown per patient and per patient encounter. But once COVID hit, we were rationing PPE. 1 N95, 1 pair of goggles, and 1 face shield for the pandemic. 1 surgical mask per week, and 1 gown only if a patient had Cdiff or a history of MDRO bacteremia.

What did the pandemic mean for our transplant patients?

Our patients are on immunosuppressant medications to prevent transplant rejection. Unfortunately, this makes it difficult for them to fight infections.

Our department did what it could to prevent COVID. We'd test patients on admission for COVID, regardless of symptoms or exposure history. If they were positive, they went to the COVID team and quarantined on their unit for a period of time and had to test negative before returning to our unit and being transplanted. We took many other measures to reduce COVID risk to the best of our ability.

People still died. To see someone get transplanted successfully and then die of a virus is horrifying. Unfortunately, despite our admission tests, sometimes patients contracted COVID within the hospital. Patients would be happily FaceTiming their family one moment, telling them all of their plans for once they were discharged- then the next day they'd be intubated. We tried Remdesivir, Dexamethasone, prone positioning, etc. But the virus moved through them quickly, and these efforts often were too late. No amount of hoping and praying brought them back.

As a first year PA, I learned to go to an empty conference room, close the door, and remove my mask before calling to the family of the deceased. This way, as they gathered around the phone in their homes, the family could hear me unmuffled as I delivered the news. Also, this way my tears didn't ruin my mask for the rest of the week.

I learned a lot this year. It's been a mixture of crying and laughing. There are times that I question why I ever became a PA, and then there are times when this career feels like home. In addition to transplant, I’ve also been working in the ED, IMC, ICU, inpatient hospice, clinic, and infusion center these past 6 months. I’ve learned quite a lot along the way.

Lessons learned as a first year PA:

1. Check your pager hourly: This is in addition to checking it whenever you get paged. Sometimes I’ll get paged while I’m rounding, read it, and then forget about it. Now I go through my pager at every hour to ensure that I already responded to all my pages and then answer ones that I missed/forgot. On a semi-related note, a while back I wrote about good paging etiquette.

2. Let people know when you're out: I work a rotating schedule. As a result, it’s hard to predict when I’m in or out of the hospital. Sometimes I’ll come back on service and find urgent emails or texts that are a few days old. Now I leave an away message with my return date and my supervisor’s contact information on both email and hospital text. If someone really needs to get a hold of me, my supervisor has my personal cell phone number.

3. Be conscientious of what time you consult: I generally try to get all of my nonurgent consults done before 3pm. Many services have only 1 resident covering after 3pm, so I try not to page/call unless I have an emergency.

4. Call the nurse if something needs to be done urgently: Being a nurse means being the ultimate multitasker. Room 5 is due for his IV Amphotericin, Room 2's Foley is supposed to come out prior to void trial with Urology, Room 1's infusion completed and is beeping, and Room 4 is a bit altered and yanked out her PICC. Now I’m placing an order for Room 3 to get IV Lasix due to concern for pulmonary edema. However, the nurse may be preoccupied with Room 4 and not see the order in the computer for some time. If I really need to the patient to get the Lasix right way, I’ll place the order through EMR and then call the nurse and see what their situation is. If they’re crazy busy with Room 4 and likely to be unable to get to the Lasix within the next 15min, I ask whether they’re okay with me asking another nurse to give the Lasix now. Usually the answer is yes.

5. Value your nurses: Nurses know the patient best. They’re the ones answering call bells, giving meds, doing dressing changes, etc. Unfortunately they oftentimes bear the brunt of everyone’s frustrations, from patients to patients’ families to attendings to managers. Not to mention, they’re the ones doing the dirty work. Bedside nurses are the heartbeat of healthcare, but they also are high risk for burnout. Always support your nurses, whether that’s volunteering to answer a patient’s family member’s 17th phone call of the day or responding to a patient’s call bell yourself.

6. Know how to get a hold of someone quickly: It’s less than ideal to page someone repeatedly. At my hospital, if I need to talk to an attending urgently, I call the operator and ask them to connect me directly to the attending’s cell phone. If a patient is crashing and we’re not in the ICU, I dial the emergency number and call a rapid response, which sends people running into my patient’s room.

7. Plan your discharge meds from Day 1: The goal of every admission is to treat the patient and then discharge them safely. Send medications early for prior auth and call the pharmacy to make sure that they have medications in stock. (One time a patient’s insurance didn’t cover Levofloxacin, of all things.)

8. Keep social work and care coordination aware of all needs from the start: Does your patient looks unsteady? Place a PT/OT consult and let social work and care coordination know that the patient might require home therapy services and/or DME so that they can start looking at services and companies that may be covered by insurance. Does your patient have a central line? They’ll likely need a home health service to teach them how to care for it daily at home. Do they seem to require frequent transfusions? They’ll probably need labs on discharge. Is the patient’s living situation safe (no heat/AC, possible abuse at home, financial difficulties, etc)? They may need alternative housing.

9. The attending is not always right: Generally speaking, the attending has the last say on how the team manages a patient. However, I’ve come across situations in which an attending’s decision put a patient in more danger. Sometimes asking them about their decision can help steer the care plan toward better patient care. Other times you just have to stand your ground and be okay with being on the receiving end of an attending’s misdirected rant. Report these instances to your manager and to other higher-ups.

10. Always have gloves in your pocket: You never know when you’ll find a mess. Or which part of the body someone asks you to examine. Or how hygienic a person is (or is not).

11. Verify weird vitals: I was very new when I walked into work, opened a patient’s chart, and promptly bolted down the hallway when I saw a patient’s O2 sats recorded as 15-20s. I found the patient sitting up in bed, eating breakfast, and bewildered by me bursting into the room. Turns out that overnight someone mistakenly recorded his respirations as the O2 sats.

12. Remove whatever tubes you can: Anything entering the body is an infection risk. Does your patient still need that Foley placed by the surgery team? No? Yank it (don’t actually yank because ouch). Is your patient A&O and able to eat without aspirating? Remove the NG tube. Does your patient have good veins and require infrequent transfusions/labwork? Pull their central line.

13. Take a buddy with you to emergencies: Two heads are better than one. Even if you’re a seasoned provider and well-equipped to manage an emergency, you might need another body to help with performing CPR, making urgent calls, grabbing supplies, etc.

14. Ask your patients about premeds for procedures: We all have different levels of pain tolerance. A procedure goes far more smoothly if your patient is comfortable. Note: if you’re going to premed with Ativan or an opiate in the outpatient setting, make sure they have a driver.

15. Be good to your charge nurse and unit secretary: I don’t know how they do it. If I had to manage the unit’s signout, patient complaints, calls from other floor, being yelled at by providers, verifying paper orders, and finding beds for incoming patients- all at the same time - I’d lose my mind.

16. If your patient is mad, just shut up and listen: There are many things that you can’t control: the time it takes for a patient to get a room, the temperature of hospital food, the dismissive attitude of your attending, etc. And oftentimes the patient knows this. My reflex is to want to apologize for things and overexplain why different things are happening. But sometimes the patient just needs to rant. Take a step back and just listen. That can make all the difference.

17. Fact check your notes: The framework for your progress note often is the note from the day prior. It sounds obvious, but make sure that you go through the note and make updates and changes accordingly. If today is 01/15, there’s a good chance that the Fungitell from 12/31 is not still pending.

18. Try to learn some nursing skills: This is one of the areas in which I most envy my NP colleagues. If a patient’s IV pump is beeping or their central line need to be flushed, I oftentimes awkwardly step out of the room and look vacantly into the distance for a nurse. I’ve finally figured out how to spike a bag (albeit I do so very slowly, and it certainly makes the RNs giggle some). I talked to our unit’s nurse manager, and she’s willing for me to learn some nursing skills from the staff during a slow day- we’ll see when thing slow down!

19. Be kind: Generally speaking, being in a hospital is stressful. Patients are feeling out of sorts, and staff are working with constant dinging in the background. I rant plenty on this website, but I’m kind to everyone at work (with few exceptions) because it makes things more comfortable for everyone. Additionally, if you are always kind to your patients and colleagues, your reputation will speak for itself. One time I was walking down a hall with poor reception while on my ASCOM with a notoriously standoffish nurse from another unit. My phone cut out. She called my unit’s nurse manager to complain, and the nurse manager told her that I would never hang up on purpose. My interactions with the nurse going forward were always more pleasant in nature.

20. Support your team: The best colleagues are not the smartest colleagues; the best coworkers are the ones who have your back. Whether it’s a medical emergency or just a strange situation, it’s important to be supported and to give support.

I know that I’ve learned a lot more than this, so I’ll likely be adding to this throughout the year. Happy Snow Day, all!

#hangrypa #PAblr #physician assistant #PA-C #PA

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chocoholicannanymous · 4 years

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If the Spit Hits the Fan (Glee) pt XIV

Follows pt I, pt II, pt III, pt IV, pt V, part VI, pt VII, part VIII, part IX, part X, part XI, part XII and part XIII.

Posting this for day 3 (Dalton) of @kbweek2020, for reasons.

Benjamin Harris asks Kurt to call him Ben during their first meeting, and pencils him in for two sessions per week “for now”. Kurt doesn't know whether to be grateful that he's at a school where his mental health is considered so important or horrified that he's seen as needing that much help.

When he brings it up with Sebastian the answer is “grateful” and Kurt's pretty sure that it's the right one. It's just such a glaring difference from McKinley where the closest he'd gotten to an adult caring about his anything (in a positive way that was) was poor Miss Pillsbury.

And that's, that's just sad.

So he agrees to go to Ben's office every Monday and Wednesday, and he tries to talk, only he finds he's still skittish and wary.

Ben's good though, and finds a way around Kurt's defenses by suggesting that they bring in Finn for a few shared sessions, “to heal old wounds”. It's a good solution as that's something about being back at Dalton, and about boarding again, that Kurt isn't entirely pleased about. Not living at home means it's hard to be there for Finn (and to not having Finn be there for him). Sebastian is a good friend, but Finn's his brother. Kurt worries, okay?

Ben being sneaky and getting permission to have Finn come over for the first two weeks is an excellent solution.

(The only one who doesn't realize that half the reason is so Finn can get the help he needs but McKinley won't provide is Finn himself.)

Once Kurt begins to trust Ben – once he's seen that it's justified – talking gets easier. Telling him about everything that's lead to Kurt transferring to Dalton not just once but twice in a year in painful but also healing. Even if he sometimes hides from everyone afterwards just to deal with the sheer hurt of how little help he's ever been offered outside of his home and his dad's garage, and how much he could have thrived if he'd gotten this earlier.

The worst part is talking about Blaine.

Except, he has to, and maybe that's even worse.

So he makes an appointment late on a Friday, arranges for Finn to come pick him up, and then walks in with his back straight and his emotions tucked away as deep as possible.

He tells the whole story of him and Blaine, from that first meeting on the staircase all the way to the police station, with as little detail and emotion as he can get away with. He winces, once, because Ben shifts a little during the part about Scandals, and right, he worked here last year. It's possible, Kurt thinks, that not that long ago it was Blaine sitting in this very chair telling Ben about his circumstances.

When Kurt reaches the end he falls silent. He's a little hoarse, from talking so long, and he feels empty.

Ben's quiet too, at first. He sits there, then gets up to fetch Kurt a bottle of water and waits for him to drink some of it.

“That's...that's a lot you just told me, Kurt. And judging from what I've learned about you I'm guessing this is the first time you've talked about all of it like this?”

True. Kurt's talked, yes, with Finn and Sebastian and even his dad. Before Blaine's disappearance he'd talked to Rachel and Mercedes. But not like this. Not without hiding things, or editing them out. Not with honesty.

“All of this, everything that's happened with Blaine... How does it make you feel?”

“Angry. Pathetic. Weak. Stupid. So, so stupid.”

“Why stupid?”

“Because I trusted him. I've got trust issues from here to forever, and I just trusted him. All I had to go on was that Blaine was cute, and charismatic when performing, that he was willing to listen and seemed sympathetic, and that he was gay just like me. That he'd been bullied, like me. Or so he said.

“And I just took him at his word. Trusted him like a damned sheep. Without a single shred of evidence that he was worth it. I told him things I hadn't even thought about telling my dad – who was worth my trust – and things I didn't have the right to tell him, and for what? So things could get even worse?”

Ben takes a moment again, before asking his next question.

“Do you feel now that Blaine didn't deserve that trust? Not just in the end, but throughout your relationship, I mean.”

Kurt laughs, short and harsh and joyless.

“You know, I dream about it. Not, not about that night – or I do too, but those are, that's not dreams, that's... Anyway, no.

“I dream that it's an ordinary day, and I'm driving over to Blaine's house to surprise him for some reason. I don't know why, since Blaine specifically told me I was never to show up there without warning, and I respected that.”

He'd added two and two and come up with “Mr Anderson is a homophobic prick”, which may or may not be true, and also may or may not be the actual reason.

“Anyway. I drive over there, and I ring the doorbell, and when Mrs Anderson opens the door I ask for Blaine. Only she tells me there's no Blaine living there, there never was. And when I push her on it, she tells me that a boy paid them to pretend to be his family, but she doesn't know why, or where he really lives.”

Kurt swallows.

“And then I wake up, and I can't help but wonder, if I were to do my research, would I find an Anderson family at West Elm Street? And if I did, would the faces match the people I've met?”

“What do you mean?”

“Blaine and I dated for six months, and were friends for another six months before that. And somehow I never got to know his family. I haven't even seen a photo of Blaine's older brother. I've only ever met Mrs Anderson three times, and Mr Anderson twice. If it wasn't for the fact that they were at the police station, specifically as Blaine's parents – which, by the way, is one of those times – I don't know if I'd believe that's who they are. Hell, at my darkest moments I still question it.”

“Do you really believe he would fake something like that?”

Ben's voice doesn't hold mocking, or disbelief, just worry.

“No. Not really. As I said, they went to the police as Blaine's parents. That's not something you risk if it's fake. Besides, Lima's too small to pull something like that off.

“It's more that I find that I was such an unimportant piece of Blaine's life puzzle that I can't even trust something like that.”

They both sit quiet for a while. After all, what is there even to say about thoughts like those?

When Kurt returns to Dalton on Sunday evening Sebastian is leaning against his door, dangling a thermos-flask from one hand. It's both a welcome sight and not, seeing as Kurt had let slip about the nightmares during a check-in the day before. But. It's coffee, and it's Sebastian.

He's halfway through his cup before Sebastian grabs the bull by the horn.

“Do you want to talk about the nightmares?”

No, he most certainly does not. Not those anyway. Still...

“The ones about that night, no. But there are others. Sometimes I have nightmares where I come to school and instead of Blaine being gone, instead of me being called into Miss Pillsbury's office the next day to be met with the news that Blaine's gone... I go to my locker and he's there. And I forgive him. I just...ignore that he tried to rape me, and I forgive him. Even worse, I take the blame.

“And then I wake up shaking, knowing that I could so easily have done just that.”

“Kurt...” His name falls from Sebastian's lips with almost no sound, and it's so clear that the other boy wants to protest.

“No, I really could have. Right from the beginning everyone was so happy to let me know I was lucky to find Blaine, and some made it clear that they didn't think I'd ever be able to do better. Hell, my own experience made me believe that. So why would I have let him walk away? If he was the best I could get, then it was forgive him or spend my life alone.

“Talking to Ben has made me realize exactly how unhealthy that kind of thinking is, and how me folding about something like that would have impacted our entire relationship. He would always have known he could get away with just about anything, and I would never be able to stand up for myself because of the fear of being alone.”

Kurt shudders. Had those dreams been reality then he would never have felt safe denying Blaine sex again. He'd never have felt safe denying Blaine anything. You want that role I need? Of course. You want to move across the country? I'll start packing. You want me to quit my job and be a househusband? Yes dear.

He'd have become a doormat, and he'd have told everyone it was what he wanted while believing it was all he deserved.

Blaine leaving had hurt like hell, but Kurt's beginning to believe it had been a blessing.

“I think I might have dodged a bullet there.”

Sebastian scoffs.

“No shit. That's not a bullet though, that's ammunition for a small war.”

Kurt acknowledges the point. It's a bit of an overstatement, he thinks, but then again he went the other direction.

“Either way, he's out of my life, and he's not getting back in. That's a good thing. The same will be true about the nightmares, sooner or later. No, this isn't me pretending things are fine when they're not, this is me honestly believing it'll be fine. Talking to Ben helps.

“Having you helps.”

He watches amused as Sebastian blushes softly at the compliment while trying to play cocky. He likes it when Sebastian's facade breaks down. In fact, he might just have made it his mission to make it happen as often as possible.

“So, do you have any plans for the rest of the evening? Lacrosse equipment to clean? Lingering homework? No? What about that essay for Mme Lacroix?”

The panic in Sebastian's face as he jumps up is delicious.

“What essay? When did she– Oh, I see. Not funny, Hummel.”

“From where I'm sitting? Definitely funny, Smythe. But if there's nothing else you need to do, would you like to watch a movie with me? I've got some chocolate I don't mind sharing, and I'll even let you pick the movie.”

Sebastian looks at him suspiciously, searching for the next joke. Then he apparently decides that Kurt is serious.

“I could do that. Careful though, that almost sounded like you asking for a date.”

“Who said I wasn't?” Total deer in headlights look. “Would it be so bad? I like you. I think we are good together. I believe we could be even better. I trust you. Giving this, giving us, a chance feels smart. It feels right.”

Sebastian keeps staring at him, and Kurt feels himself begin to fidget a little, suddenly uncomfortable. Did he read the situation wrong? Then, finally, Sebastian speaks, voice a little raspy.

“Oh god. I thought you... Can I kiss you?”

There's a desperation in the words, but Kurt can't fault him for it. He feels it too. So he nods, and takes a step towards Sebastian. He's expecting... Well, he doesn't know what he's expecting. More of the desperation maybe? Expertise? Seduction? He definitely wasn't expecting careful softness, and constant checks for consent, but that's what he gets.

Then again, maybe that's exactly what he should have expected from Sebastian, who's been with him the whole way, who knows everything, and has shown himself to care in a way Kurt's not entirely used to to.

It's a Sebastian without masks and attitudes, meeting a Kurt without the same, and it's everything he could have wished for.

He's got no memory of what movie they finally play.

#chocoholic fics #kurt fic #kurt hummel #a wild sebastian appears #sebastian smythe #in 2020 we finish our wips #kbweek2020

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liveyourlastbreath · 4 years

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Slipping PT 3

A broken leg, a sprained ankle, crack ribs, a fractured arm, and a brain bleed.

Neil Josten was the miracle kid, he shouldn't have survived. Though he had tried to land on his legs, the way he flipped around in the air had only made the landing worse. For three days, it seemed like Neil wouldn't make it, but one surgery later and he was stabilized, but not awake. Seven days passed, however, with Neil being completely unconscious and under heavy monitoring. It's unbelievable, the doctor had said, he shouldn't be recovering this fast. Nicky joked it was because Neil wanted to be back on the court as soon as possible, which received halfhearted laugh from Renee and then a punch to the gut from Andrew.

Andrew. He hadn’t left the hospital since day four, when the Doctor finally caved under his knife and Wymack had given up trying to keep the twin at his place.

The rest of the team had been coming in and out, trying to leave flowers and cards that Andrew always ended up throwing away. (Kevin's flower's hadn't even made it into the room. Andrew shoved them in Kevin's face and then slammed the room door shut.) Andrew had only let the Doctors get close to him, anyone who so much as looked at Neil too long was escorted out with two separate knives. Andrew "I don't give a shit" Minyard most certainty did give a shit, and he was making it well known to the team.

Renee was the only one that had been allowed to stay longer than ten minutes. Mostly, she sat in silence, studying Andrew's growing eye bags and tense shoulders. Once she had tried to say something, but the words had died in her throat when Andrew brought his hands up to his own face and shuddered. Needless to say, she left him and Neil alone not long after that.

On day ten of Neil being unconscious, Andrew came into the room with the thick smell of cigarettes following him. Nciky, Renee, Allison, and Kevin were all strewn around the room, in the same place they were when he left. His face was stoic, but the atmosphere he brought with him was bone-chilling. "Out." He hissed, the venom in his voice almost knocking Kevin over.

They were out in less than thirty seconds, only Renee hesitating at the door and then closing it softly. Andrew scowled at Neil, then took a seat near the window and folded his arms. His mind flicked back to the conversation they had had freshman year, thinking back on it now was making his blood boil.

"Give me one good reason to not push you off the side."

"I'd drag you with me. It's a long way down.”

Goddammit. He had been right, Andrew would never admit, but Neil had been goddamn right. It was a long way down, and only his fear had stopped Andrew from going over the edge with the Junkie. “I hate you.” Andrew spit out, clenching his hands tight against his side and pushing off the wall. “I hate you so much.”

As usual, no response. Neil only laid there, eyes softly closed and breathing calm. Andrew glanced down at Neil’s arm, which had an IV nestled between two long scars, and scowled once more. The Doctor had asked how this had happened, his scars, and Andrew gave the asshole a nice, long slice down the arm for talking out of turn. They were not to ask about Neil, about his past or about Andrew.

They simply had to heal him enough so they could leave, so Andrew could take him home and gut him himself.

Andrew turned, but this time kept his left side facing the man. Deep down, whether he realized it or not, he would never turn his back to Neil again. Because he was scared, scared of him slipping away only to never return.

“Asshole.” Andrew spit, going to take a seat near the window.

“Drew...?” The blonde froze, not even daring to look at Neil. He had to have imagined it, Neil wasn’t- “N’Drew, what happened?”

“You fell off the roof.” Andrew muttered, turning to Neil and shoving his hands in his pockets. The feel of the cigarette box offered him no comfort. Neil’s eyes were hardly open, but Andrew could make out a small sliver of blue underneath his auburn eyelashes.

“Right,” Neil looked away from Andrew, and around the room. “I’m in a hospital.” Andrew wanted to break Neil, right then and there. His sanity was on the brink, and if Neil kept talking Andrew would slip over the edge as well.

“Shut up.” Neil looked back to Andrew, and grinned softly.

“Andrew, Andrew, Andrew.”

“I said shut the hell up.” Andrew ground out, stepping so he was at Neil’s bedside. Neil looked up at him, then reached for Andrew’s arm with his uninjured one. The man stopped just before his fingers brushed against the concealed blades, remembering, even in his state of delirium. Andrew grabbed onto Neil’s wrist, placed it back down on the bed and held onto it.

God, did he hold on. “I hate you.”

“I get that a lot.” Neil hummed out, running his thumb over Andrew’s cracking knuckles. “Yes or no?”

“No.” Neil looked downright shattered at Andrew’s denial, gripping onto his hand tighter and attempting to sit up. Andrew watched him, and helped him back down the moment he realized his mistake.

“Drew,” Neil cried, holding onto he blonde a little tighter. “Drew, it...it hurts.”

“Then don’t be stupid, Junkie.” Andrew carefully and meticulously looked Neil over, and then move him over and laid down next to him.

“Yes?”

“No.” Neil was in no way, shape, or form able to give consent right now. But after a minute, he seemed content with Andrew’s arms wrapped carefully around Neil’s shoulders, and being pressed into the blonde’s chest. “If you do that again, I’m not going to get you.”

Neil shuddered, holding onto Andrew a little tighter. “M’ sorry.” He cried, tears welling up in his eyes. “I didn’t wanna fall. You’re scared of falling, so am I.” Andrew didn’t respond, he could have, but didn’t. Instead, he hugged Neil’s fragile body as close as he dared and pulled the blanket up over them.

Neil sobbed into Andrew’s chest, a groan of pain slipping it’s way through his lips every now and then. “It’s worse ‘han Baltimore.” Neil whimpered out. “Broken bones...hurt more than broken skin.”

“Shut. Up.” Andrew ran a hand gingerly over the bandage on Neil’s head. Neil reached up with his unbroken arm and linked his fingers with Andrew’s, and then met his eyes.

“I remember.” Andrew’s body went ridged, but Neil didn’t seem to notice. “Laying on the cement, I-I watched you run towards me.” Neil dropped his gaze to just past Andrew’s shoulder. “You screamed my name.”

“Go to sleep.” The blonde did not want to talk about this anymore. He didn’t want to think about it anymore. He just wanted Neil to heal faster so they could leave. In time he would, he would heal and go back to the Court as if nothing had happened.

And Andrew would heal too. Despite his fear of heights, him and Neil would in time, find themselves on the roof again. Smoking, kissing, talking, it would be okay.

Then when the time came for Andrew to leave Neil, to forge his own path while Neil stayed in school, they would be okay.

They would be okay.

End

PT 1

PT 2

PT 3 (You are here)

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bangtan-sonyeonddaeng · 5 years

Text

You erode all my sharp edges, you make me into love

Namjoon Mafia! Au

pt. 2

You were working another late shift at the hospital. You were working in the Emergency Department that night, helping to take care of patients but also being one of the trauma nurses for the evening. It had been slow all night, painfully so. You were struggling to stay awake when suddenly your trauma pager started going off signaling a gun shot wound victim was coming into the trauma bay. You immediately excused yourself from the patient’s room you were currently in and went back to the trauma room to await your patient’s arrival. Shortly you are met with the sight of a young man covered head to toe in blood. The paramedics are telling you what they know so far.

“24 year old male. John Doe. No one on the scene seemed to know who he was. Just said he was walking down the street when someone shot him in a drive by. Gun shot wounds to the shoulder and abdomen. Could be a result of some mafia spat.” You work quickly along side your coworkers and doctors to get him stable enough for surgery to remove the bullets and repair any internal damage done. Once your team is done he is being taken away to the Operating Room and it is out of your hands now. You just silently hope you’ve done enough to save his life. Part of you is curious, wondering if he was a part of the gang violence or just an innocent bystander but you quickly push the thought out of your mind. He’s not your patient anymore, and you need to focus on the other patients that need tending to in the ED.

That night when you are walking out to your car to drive home you get the intense feeling that you are being watched but you ignore it, thinking your lack of sleep is just getting the better of you. The second you get home you collapse onto the bed, completely exhausted. You don’t know why you keep wondering if the man is okay. You wonder if he has any family, any friends. Anyone at all that may be looking for him and wondering why he didn’t come home that night. Eventually your exhaustion takes over and you are lulled to sleep, only to be woken up in 8 hours to repeat everything again the next day.

When you arrive to work the next morning you approach the schedule to see which rooms you are going to be assigned for the day when your supervisor approaches you.

“Hey, y/n can I talk to you for a second?” You turn around and face your boss who has a frantic look on his face.

“Sure, what’s going on?”

“They are short staffed on the surgical intensive care unit today, and I was wondering since you already are familiar with the John Doe that came in last night if you wouldn’t mind helping them out and being his nurse for the day? They extubated him early this morning and now we are just waiting for him to wake up.” Your supervisor is usually so calm and collected, and it makes you question why he seems so nervous today. You push the thought out of your mind, thinking maybe he just had one too many cups of coffee today.

“Of course sir. Anything I can do to help the team.” You head up to the second floor and approach his room. You pull up a chair and sit next to his bed. He’s on a strict 1:1 until he wakes up due to the severity of his injuries and having just got out of surgery early this morning. You watch his vital signs, make sure he is comfortable and just wait for him to wake up. About 2 hours into your shift and you hear a pained groan come from the bed, you see the man’s face twist in pain. He opens his eyes and you can see he is starting to panic. He tries to sit up and grab at the wires and IV’s. You reach out and gently place your hands on his arms to push him back.

“Hey, hey shh you’re okay. You’re in the hospital. My name is y/n I’m your nurse.” He stops struggling and looks at you. He doesn’t look frightened anymore, just confused. He tries to talk but no sound comes out. He starts coughing and winces.

“You want some water?” He nods his head. You get up and fill up the cup and hand it to him. He drinks it graciously and holds the cup out asking for more.

“You just woke up from a major surgery. I can’t give you more just yet I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Thank you anyway.”

“Can you tell me what your name is? We just have you listed as John Doe.” He laughs breathlessly.

“Probably best if you don’t know my name sweetheart. Could get you in trouble to even be associated with me, if the fact that you helped saved my life hasn’t already got you into trouble that is.” He lifts up his eyebrow questioningly at you.

“What do you mean? And if I’m already in trouble would it really hurt to tell me your name?” Now you’re curious.

“It’s Namjoon. Kim Namjoon.” You try not to let that name affect you but your eyes widen just a fraction and he catches it.

“Ah so you have heard of me. Can’t say I’m surprised. I’ve earned quite the reputation for myself haven’t I?” He looks down at his lap, almost sheepishly.

How could not know the Kim Namjoon. He was the most notorious mafia leader in the city of Seoul. Their gang Bangtan had seemingly run the other gangs out of the city and took over in less than a week.

“Yes you have. But that doesn’t matter to me. You’re still my patient and I’m going to treat you like everyone else.” He seems surprised by your answer.

“You’re not afraid of me?”

“With all due respect Mr. Kim you just got out of major surgery after being shot 3 times. I don’t think you could hurt me right now even if you wanted to.” He laughs at your response. And you are surprised by how innocent it sounds, and how adorable his dimples are. Did I really just think this mafia leader’s dimples are adorable. What the hell y/n.

“I like you. You got some fight in you.” You find yourself laughing along with him.

“So. Yesterday when I was walking out to my car I felt like someone was watching me..”

“Someone probably was. Could have been one of my own men or someone who wanted to make sure they finished the job when they shot me.”

“But how would they find that out? And how did they know I was the one who helped save you?”

“Money talks y/n. Your little rules and regulations mean nothing if offered the right price. Plus do you know how many people want me dead?”

“Probably half the city.” He laughs but there’s no humor behind it.

“Yeah, probably half the city.” He winces again and a hand flies up to his stomach.

“Are you okay? Do you want me to get you some more pain medications?”

“Yes. That would be wonderful.”

“I’ll go get the doctor.”

“Thank you, y/n. Not just for getting me the pain meds, but for also having a hand in saving my life. I owe you.” You’re not sure how you feel about the most notorious gang leader in all of Seoul owing you one.

“You’re welcome Mr. Kim.”

“Please call me Namjoon, no need to be so formal.”

After the doctor gives Namjoon his medicine he’s out like a light until there’s only a half hour left in your shift. He stirs and wakes up looking for you.

“Y/n? You’re still here?” You jump at the sound of his voice, having just sat in silence for the past 9 hours.

“I work 12 hour shifts Namjoon. I only have about 30 minutes left and then someone will be coming in to relieve me.” You see an unknown emotion flicker across his face. Disappointment?

“Will you be back tomorrow?”

“Yeah, tomorrow is my last shift for the week.. Why?”

“I would appreciate it if you would let me have one of my men drive you back to your home and drive you to work. If someone has already found out you are working to help keep me alive it’s only a matter of time before they try to kill you too.”

“What? Namjoon no, that’s completely unnecessary and I can take care of myself.”

“Obviously you can’t if you chose to ignore you instincts when you thought someone was following you y/n. Always trust your gut, if you can’t do that you’ll never survive in this world.” Just as you were about to say something in retort your coworker came to relieve you.

“See you tomorrow y/n.” You say nothing, and just walk out of the room. You make it down to the lobby when you see a muscular guy with a bunny smile approaching you.

“Y/n right? I’m Jungkook. Namjoon asked me to be your escort for the next few days.” How the hell did he get someone over here that quick?! You thought to yourself.

“Thanks Jungkook.”

“No problem. In Bangtan we protect our own.” Our own?? What the hell did I just get myself into?

#bts #bts reaction #bts scenario #bts scenarios #bts imagine #bts imagines #bts reactions #kim namjoon #rm #kim namjoon x reader #reader x namjoon #mafia au

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junmyeoneyesmile · 4 years

Text

you can’t stop the flood pt 2

summary:

en·e·my

/ˈenəmē/

noun

a person who is actively opposed or hostile to someone or something.

irene never thought one day she would live in the enemy’s side. but when a mission goes wrong and everything turns upside down, she wonders for what she was really fighting for.

(or, the one in which x-exo’s scientist irene falls in love with exo’s leader, junmyeon.)

part 1 / part 2 / part 3

genre: obsession AU, EXO vs X-EXO, romance, slow burn, angst (with a happy ending?), fluff (maybe if you squint), smut (be patient, tho)

relationships: irene/junmyeon, past irene/sehůn, implied chanyeøl/wendy, side baekhyun/chanyeol, one sided taeyeon/baekhyun.

length: three shot

chapter word count: 9.583

author’s notes: quick note for this chapter, something I would like to explain. you’ll notice that exo members (and people at the elyxion) uses honorifics when talking – that’s because they’re always acting with their hearts, and well, they consider everyone as family. people at the exo’rdium and x-exo don’t feel the need to that, because everything is very logical and done with only work in their minds, so.

also, I used two poems in this part and I wanted to give the credit because they’re not mine. the “lavender poem” is by emery allen, and “always” is by lang leav.

that’s it for now, enjoy!

It was hard for her, to get used to the bright fluorescent lights, the white walls and the clean smell that all the rooms had. She was used to dark places and old stuff.

“Why do you think they called all of us here?” Seungwan asked, sitting next to her.

Joohyun was also not used to the talkative girl who had arrived the same day as her. Even though Joohyun remained isolated, making the other girls not want to get close, Seungwan insisted on being next to her.

Joohyun didn’t answer, and an older woman entered the room. She was one of the doctors, Joohyun remembered. A red hat hid her eyes.

“You were gathered here because you all passed our initial exams. Now, you’ll be able to start your training to be a future help for the Exo’rdium.” the woman said, looking at a sheet of paper. “All of you will undergo tests that will determine your area of aptitude. Now, you’re part of the Exo’rdium and will start over with new identities.”

Future help.

Start over.

Joohyun didn’t think or care much about the future. She didn’t have anyone or anything. But those people were saying she could start over. That she had a future.

The woman got close to her.

“Bae Joohyun?” she asked, and when Joohyun looked at her, she gave her an identity. “Here. Your tests will be performed in room 3 of sector B. Welcome to Exo’rdium.”

Joohyun took the identity, staring at it.

“Hey, what’s yours?” she heard Seungwan ask. “Mine’s Wendy. Kind of cool, right?”

Joohyun put her card on top of the table, and looked at the girl next to her.

“I’m Irene.”

And after that, she never looked back again.

----------------------

“…ever should’ve brought her here.”

“Don’t be like this, Channie. Junmyeon hyung said she was going to die if he left her there.”

For a second, Irene thought she was still dreaming. But the voices were too clear, and her body was starting to realize that her consciousness was coming back.

“Still. This can be a trap to us, Baek. Don’t you think it’s weird?”

Irene opened her eyes, even though it was hard. Her lids were heavy, begging her to just close her eyes again and go back to sleep, but Irene fought the feeling, blinking a few times.

“Hey, she’s waking up.”

The lights in the room weren’t bright, which made it easier for her to adjust. From there, things gradually came into focus.

There was an IV in her arm and her right leg was immobilized with a splint. Her dirty clothes were gone, changed into some clean, fresh ones, and she was in a room with old walls – with two men looking at her from a distance.

Irene tried to move, sit on the bed.

“Oh, don’t mind us.” the silver haired one said, and she stopped. “I’m Baekhyun. But you probably know this already.”

It was weird, seeing the original Baekhyun this close. Irene never thought she would’ve had the opportunity.

They were exactly the same, but the feeling this one passed was different – a lot more soft, kind. Baëkhyun could pretend he was soft, but there was always a wicked feeling behind him.

By Baekhyun’s side, the original Chanyeol was serious. His pink hair was hidden under his beret, and it looked like he was ready to attack her if Irene made the wrong move. She could’ve easily mistaken him for Chanyeøl, if it wasn’t for the dark eyes.

“Where am I?” she asked, her voice hoarse.

Baekhyun tilted his head.

“In the Elyxion, of course.”

The Elyxion.

Irene blinked, not really believing what she had heard.

She was in enemy territory.

“I finally found you two.” a different voice came from the door. “What are you guys doing here…”

The red haired man walked into the room, noticing Irene.

“She woke up, hyung.”

They continued to stare at each other. Irene's mind was still a mess, and she didn't remember much of what had happened while she was in pain, but she did remember him.

“Because I can’t leave someone to die like this.”

“Hyung, shouldn’t we take her to the investigation room?” Chanyeol asked. “She has to answer some questions…”

“It’s ok, Chanyeol.” Junmyeon interrupted. “I’ll talk to her.”

“But hyung…”

“Jongdae is looking for you two. Go there and talk to him.”

Chanyeol looked like he was ready to protest, but Baekhyun held his arm, and the two left the room. Junmyeon watched them leave, before turning to Irene again.

She sat on the bed with some difficulty.

“Are you ok?” he asked.

Irene ignored the question.

“You brought me to the Elyxion?”

Junmyeon didn’t answer immediately.

“There was no other place for me to take you.”

“Yes, there was! You could’ve left me at the border!”

“The situation is unstable for both sides. Jongdae’s clone has drones all over the perimeter, and I was alone. Do you think they would have responded well to this scene?”

Irene didn’t answer. Of course not, if Chën saw him alone with her, they would’ve been there in a matter of seconds.

Even though, it still didn’t make sense that this man had taken an enemy to their base. Wasn’t he their leader, too? It was most likely they wanted to keep her there to some kind of purpose. Maybe they knew she was a scientist at the Exo’rdium.

“When are you going to interrogate me?” she asked, feeling like she could get this over with quickly.

Junmyeon frowned lightly.

“I don’t think you fell under a wall on purpose.”

What was that supposed to mean?

“You can't be sure of that.” She said, trying to intimidate him. But it was obvious she was acting up too much.

“Get some rest. You clearly need it.”

Irene was taken aback by that, and he didn't wait for her to answer, leaving the room. Shocked, she continued to look at the door for a long time after he left.

----------------------

It was unnerving to stay in that room with no idea what was going to happen, but in the end, Irene was used to waiting. She was a patient person.

In the middle of the day, a teenage girl came into the room, bringing her a tray of food. Irene wasn't sure if she should trust the food in this place, but she was hungry, and really, she had no other option. Unlike the food at the Exo’rdium - which was always well thought out about all nutrients and functionality - here, it seemed so much simpler: rice, soup and meat.

The taste of homemade food started to bring some past memories to her, and Irene didn’t eat everything.

Late in the afternoon, a doctor came to see her. She was blonde, wore round glasses and looked young, probably just a year older than Irene. The badge on her lab coat read “Kim Taeyeon”.

“Hello,” she said, looking at the clipboard she held. “How are you feeling?”

There were various answers to that question.

“Fine.” Irene said, in the end.

“Does your leg hurt?”

She shook her head.

“Alright. Then I’m going to take out this IV for now, it had some painkillers. If the pain comes back, you can tell me and I’ll bring you something.”

The blonde got closer, and Irene held out her arm so she could remove the IV.

“How long will I have to stay with this splint?” she asked, already thinking it to be uncomfortable.

“The situation was quite serious when Junmyeon brought you here.” explained Taeyeon. “I did my best, but... Well, our technology is not as advanced as yours.”

Yours.

Of course. They thought of her as a member of the X-EXO team, too.

“I believe you’ll need to be with it for at least a few days.” Taeyeon continued.

Irene sighed, knowing she would say that.

“I can’t be here…” she said, mostly to herself.

If Taeyeon heard that, she chose not to comment on it.

“There are some crutches here, in case you want to walk.” she told Irene. “But it’s better if you don’t force this leg, or it could get worse.”

Irene nodded, watching the doctor leave the room - and not really understanding how all of this could be happening to her.

----------------------

The next day, nothing different happened.

Irene stayed on the bed, mostly because she couldn’t do anything besides sleeping and thinking about the situation she was.

Nobody went to the room, except for the girls that brought her meals and Taeyeon, that came to see how she was. Irene asked herself what they wanted, taking care of her like this.

Was she a hostage? She wondered what they would do if she left the room. The door wasn’t locked, and apparently no one was keeping watch. That thought remained in her mind, but Irene quickly pushed it away. She couldn't go very far in that state, and adding to that, she knew that the less she forced her leg, the faster she could recover.

So, she tried to bear with the boredom of those hours.

At some point in the night, after she had eaten dinner, it started to rain. Irene listened to the sound of raindrops on the window for a while, until she decided to get up to look.

She’d already gotten used to the crutches, having used them to go to the bathroom a few times, so it wasn't difficult to walk to the window. The view didn't say much about where she was - just the deserted landscape that was common in the city. She leaned against the wall, watching as the rain increased.

There was a knock on the door, and Irene turned to look.

Junmyeon was standing at the entrance, holding something.

“It gets pretty cold when it rains at night,” he started to explain. “so I brought this blanket.”

Irene said nothing, and he entered the room, leaving the blanket on the bed. He looked at her, and seemed almost hesitant - which was extremely unusual for her, who was used to Suhø’s confident posture.

“How are you?” he finally asked.

She still didn’t understand why he cared about that.

“I’m fine.” she paused, and looked at the bed. In truth, it had started to get cold. “Thank you for the blanket.”

Junmyeon nodded, and then came over so he could look out the window too - but he kept his distance from her.

“I heard you don’t eat all your meals.” he commented. “Don’t you like the food? We’re not putting anything inside it.”

Irene glanced at him.

“That’s not it.”

Junmyeon didn't press her, and once again, Irene wondered why he was acting like this.

“You can walk around if you want. You’re not a prisoner.”

Irene frowned.

“Are you sure of that?”

“You didn’t invade or territory. You were left to die-“

“I wasn’t left to die.”

They stared at each other for a few moments, until Irene looked away.

“Baëkhyun knew I was there. I just… I just don’t know what happened.”

“Well.” Junmyeon shrugged. “If that’s what you say.”

“Will you let me go?”

Junmyeon looked at her.

“I can’t do that. It’s beyond my hands right now.”

Irene shook her head.

“I don’t understand this.” she looked at him. “You won’t let me go, but at the same time says you’ll not interrogate me.”

He watched her with interest.

“You seem quite eager to be interrogated. Chanyeol would really like that.”

Irene frowned.

“I’m responsible for you.” Junmyeon continued. “I’m the one that has to gather information, but I was going to wait for you to recover a bit more before that.”

“Will you force me, if I don’t tell you anything?”

He shook his head.

“No.”

Irene looked at him, incredulous.

“Do you call this an interrogation?”

Junmyeon lifted the corner of his lips, and she was taken aback by the act.

“I'm not interrogating you right now.” he said. “We're just talking.”

That conversation was extremely disturbing to her.

“Can I ask you something?” Junmyeon kept looking at her, and Irene had to force herself not to look away. She didn’t answer, and he probably took that as an incentive to keep going. “Can I know your name?”

She blinked. Her name? It hadn't happened to her until now that he didn't know that.

She thought about lying. Scientists hardly ever left the Exo'rdium, and it was unlikely that they would fall into the hands of EXO - so there was no protocol for that situation.

But Junmyeon was looking at her, waiting for an answer, and Irene felt like she didn't want to lie about it.

“Irene. My name’s Irene.”

Junmyeon nodded.

“Irene.” he repeated. “It’s nice meeting you.”

And in that moment, she knew that yes, those days would be weirder than she imagined.

--------------------------

“Do you know physical therapy exercises?”

Irene looked at Taeyeon, who was at her side watching what she was doing. The doctor came to visit her earlier that day, and found her doing some leg exercises.

“Yes. It's the basics in one of our classes.”

Taeyeon adjusted her glasses.

“I'm sorry for asking you that, but I've been noticing in some of our conversations that you know a lot about medicine.” She hesitated, before continuing. “Were you a doctor there?”

Irene should’ve been alarmed by the question, but in reality she thought it was about time that someone cared about what she did in the enemy territory. Besides, there was no point in hiding it.

“Yes,” she said. “but in our case, we’re called scientists.”

“Because you take care of… The experiments.”

From the way she spoke, it was obvious she was curious about X-EXO.

“We’re responsible for their health. But I wasn’t there when the cloning process took place.” She made it clear. “So I don't know how the procedures happened, if that's what you want to know.”

Taeyeon shook her head.

“We’re not interested in making clones. Actually, this is the last thing we want to know.”

Irene sat on the bed, tired. She was trying to take a few steps without the crutches, but it was still difficult.

“Don't force yourself. It’s good to take a few steps during the day to train resistance, but too many can make the situation worse.”

Irene nodded, but the topic of the conversation they were having remained in her mind.

“Wouldn't it be a smart move to find out how your enemies were made, so you can fight them?” she asked.

Taeyeon looked at her.

“Is that what you do?”

“We don't need to do this anymore. They’ve been cloned, we have real copies to study.”

The doctor closed her lips in a thin line.

“They’re not the same, I'm sure you noticed this from the little time you spent with them.” She frowned. “These boys have suffered a lot being experimented on.”

To that, Irene couldn’t say anything. She remembered when she had arrived at the Exo'rdium, and no one was allowed to enter the building where the subjects were. But sometimes, when they had classes outside, she saw the flash of some young boys in the building next to hers.

It wasn't until Irene was in her late teens that students were allowed to live in the same space as the boys. They were training to be scientists, so they had to be in contact with the subjects.

Sometimes she forgot how they were made – and how other people were involved to make this happen.

-------------------------

It was raining again. It did nothing but rain on those days, and they were running out of buckets to put under the leaks in the ceiling.

“Mom, I want to go somewhere else!” Joohyun whined. “Why do we have to stay here?”

The woman looked at her, stroking her hair.

“Because here is our home, my darling.”

“I hate this house! Everything is wet, and I can’t sleep on my bed!”

The woman sat next to her, and smiled. Joohyun couldn’t understand that. She was upset, she wanted to leave. Why did they have to live like this?

“Joohyun, we’re very lucky to have a home. Some people in the city have nowhere to stay in this rain, and they suffer from the cold. Here, we’re safe.”

The little girl wiped her tears.

“But mom, everything will be wet here too.”

The woman shook her head.

“There’s always a place here where we can be protected.” she pulled Joohyun closer, hugging her. “If we stay close like this, we won't get wet, huh?”

Joohyun sniffed, snuggling into the embrace, nodding.

“All that matters is that we’re together, do you understand? Together.”

“We love you, my darling. Now go. Go, Joohyun.”

Go.

She ran.

Her legs ached, her lungs were burning.

Everything was dark. When she opened her mouth, there was no air.

She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t see, she couldn’t-

Irene opened her eyes at once, breathless.

She sat on the bed, feeling dizzy.

She was used to the dreams, but they’d never been so real. She was shaking.

The room was dark, except for a faint light coming from the hall. It was probably still late at night.

Irene looked at the nightstand, seeing the empty water jar they had left to her earlier. Her mouth was dry, and she needed to drink something.

Getting up slowly, she took the crutches to walk. It was the first time Irene would leave that room - which made her a little nervous - but she had no other choice. Besides, Junmyeon said she could walk around, didn’t he?

The hall was long, but everything around it made it feel like a home, different from what looked like hospital halls in the Exo’rdium. Irene wandered, not really knowing where to go. If she saw someone there, she could’ve asked for information, but no one seemed to be awake at that hour.

It was obvious that she was on the ground floor of that building, and Irene wondered if the kitchen was on another floor. There were some stairs in sight, but it would be impossible for her to climb all of them in her condition.

Irene turned another hall, and then heard a sound. A large open door gave way to an outdoor space, and she approached it. Maybe whoever was there could help her...

She went outside, but then stopped.

A dark-haired man was practicing archery, shooting at a target, seeming focused. She would’ve interrupted him, if she didn’t know who he was.

Irene almost thought Sehůn really was there. Even his posture was the same, and she just couldn't move away.

The man made no mistake, all the arrows hitting bullseye. He seemed so concentrated, that Irene thought no distraction would make him go wrong. All his attention was on the target.

People at the Exo'rdium always tried to get Sehůn to use the bow prototype they had developed, but he always denied it. He insisted on saying that he would beat his original without the need of accessories.

But it was obvious how good Sehun was with it. He was so focused - which was probably why Irene didn't expect when he suddenly turned towards her, shooting an arrow.

It was so fast, Irene didn't even have time to scream. She sensed the arrow passing inches from her face, hitting the door beside her.

“Just because I’m not looking at you doesn’t mean I’m not seeing you.” Sehun said.

Irene couldn't move, her heart beating too fast. She only realized how much she was shaking when she was no longer able to hold her crutches, staggering to the side. She leaned against the wall to keep from falling.

“Were you spying on me?” Sehun asked, but the tone was obviously accusatory.

Irene shook her head fast.

“No. I was… I was trying to find the kitchen. I don’t know...”

Sehun moved, and she stopped. He got closer to her, and from that distance, Irene could see his face better.

Dark hair, dark eyes, face without a scar. It triggered a memory on her mind, from a time when Sehůn’s face was like that, too.

His expression was serious, and Irene thought about something people at the Exo’rdium used to say, about how they found Sehůn one of the most intimidating subjects, with that scar on his face. Irene never thought that, and now looking at the boy in front of her, she also couldn't find him intimidating. He just looked young and angry.

“What do you intend being here?” he asked her.

“Nothing.” Irene replied, because it was true.

Sehun frowned.

“Junmyeon hyung seems to think you have no bad intentions, but I still can't trust you.”

She couldn’t blame him.

“I wouldn’t do anything. I can’t do anything.” she paused. “You’re all taking care of me now. I really wasn’t spying on you, I just wanted to get some water. I… Junmyeon told me I could take a walk, if I wanted to.”

Sehun watched her, and he still looked suspicious, but he flexed the arm with the bow on his back.

“The cafeteria is at the end of the hall on the right.”

He then left, and Irene kept standing where she was for a long time, trying to calm her heart, which was still racing.

When she turned to leave, she realized the arrow was stuck right in the middle of the door.

-------------------------------

Obviously, Irene couldn’t sleep when she went back to the room.

The adrenaline was still strong in her body, and she kept repeating the scene in her mind. If Sehun wanted, he could’ve killed her right there, without hesitation. She didn't think he would do that, though, but the thought was thrilling.

After much tossing and turning in bed, Irene managed to fall asleep when the first rays of sunlight were already coming through the window. She had no dreams, but when she woke up it seemed like she hadn't slept at all.

Irene blinked a few times before opening her eyes, and saw someone standing next to the bedside table. Junmyeon seemed startled when he saw her looking at him.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?”

Irene frowned, sitting on the bed slowly. She still felt tired.

“No…” she said, and then paused. “What are you doing here?”

Junmyeon scratched the back of his head with his free hand - in the other, he was holding a book.

“I came here to give you this.”

He held out the book, and she took it. It was old, the pages were turning yellow. There were flowers on the cover, and the title was peeling off.

“I didn't know what you liked, so... Well, it's a poetry book.” Irene looked at him. “You must be bored spending your days here with nothing to do, so I figured it would be nice to have something to spend time with.”

There he was again, being considerate. Irene didn’t know how to react, because really, that wasn’t a normal situation. That man had every reason to be indifferent to her, but against all odds, he came up to her room and brought her a book.

“Thank you.” she said, meaning it. “I… I’ll read it.”

Junmyeon nodded, but remained standing where he was. It seemed like he wanted to say something else, and Irene thought that maybe the book was an excuse for that.

“Hm, Sehun told me you spoke with him last night.”

Of course.

Irene turned on the defensive mode.

“I wasn’t spying on him…”

“I know.” He told her. “I know. Actually, I wanted to apologize for his behavior. But I think you understand.”

Irene left the book on the nightstand.

“Of course I do. I’m the enemy, am I not?”

Junmyeon seemed a little bothered by that question.

“You must’ve been startled because of him.”

She remembered the scene again, and almost flinched.

“Well, I wasn't expecting that. It's not like I'm used to being shot with an arrow in the middle of the night.”

“Sehunie has very good reflexes. He would’ve never hurt you, unless he wanted to.”

Irene raised a brow.

“Isn’t that the point?”

Junmyeon gave a half smile.

“I guess it is.”

That made Irene even more confused. Was he really playing with the situation they were in? This man was messing with her mind.

A knock on the door stopped her from continuing that trail of thought.

“Excuse me.” the girl that used to bring her breakfast said, entering the room.

“Well, I’ll leave you to eat your breakfast in peace.” Junmyeon said. “Feel free to leave the book there if you don’t like it.”

“I don't think I have many entertainment options here.” She said, and stopped for a second. “I'll definitely read it, thank you.”

Junmyeon smiled lightly before leaving, and Irene kept telling herself that the warm feeling that remained with her during the morning was because of the soup.

---------------------------

Unlike the others, that day really seemed more productive for Irene - as far as it was possible, of course.

Taeyeon came to visit her, to check on her recovery and help with the exercises. Irene even walked a little in the hall, even though she had to lean against the wall a few times.

She also took a few naps during the day, to recover from that bad night's sleep - and incredibly, she was hungry enough to eat all her meals in full.

But the main point of that day was the book.

Irene liked to read, but most of the books she had in her room at the Exo’rdium were about science, medicine, and some on mathematics. She couldn't remember the last time she took a book and read it just for the pleasure of reading.

So, through that day, she read. Irene didn’t expect that she would like a poetry book so much, but found herself rereading a few pages several times, just because the poem was interesting. She didn't want to stop reading it, and at the same time, she didn't want it to end.

At night, after eating dinner and taking a shower, Irene picked up the book again, to finish her reading. She wondered if Junmyeon would bring her another one, when she finished this one. The thought, somehow, excited her.

It was well into the night when Irene heard the commotion.

People were talking loudly, there was a mix of voices - some that she recognized. Through the open door she saw people rushing by, and she frowned, finding it strange. She got up, going to the door.

Two girls were running holding clothes that looked stained with blood.

“Hey, hey!” Irene called, and the girls stopped. She recognized them, they were the ones that brought her meals during the day. “What happened? Why is everyone running?”

The girls looked at each other, probably not sure whether to say anything.

“It’s just that…” one of them started.

“Don’t say anything to her!” the other interrupted.

“But I heard her talking with Taeyeon unnie! She’s a scientist!”

“Yes I am.” Irene interrupted. “What happened?”

The younger girl bit her bottom lip.

“There was another fight at the border. Junmyeon oppa...” she stopped, starting to cry, being comforted by the other girl.

“What?” Irene insisted

“He’s hurt.” the girl that wasn’t crying said. “They took him to the medical floor.”

An alarm went off in her mind, and Irene started to move before thinking about what she was doing.

She knew it was better not to get involved in this, that it was better to go back to her room and pretend she hadn't heard any of it. But Irene just couldn't do it. It was as if her body acted on his own.

Irene remembered that in a conversation with Taeyeon, the doctor told her the medical rooms were on the first floor. With the crutches, it was difficult to climb the stairs, but Irene didn't hesitate. She tried as hard as she could, and was sweating when she got to the floor.

There was a room at the beginning of the hall, and through the glass, Irene could see the EXO members inside, looking at a stretcher - where Junmyeon was lying, and Taeyeon was opening his vest.

She didn’t knock before coming in.

“What are you doing here?” Chanyeol asked, but Irene ignored him, trying to look at Junmyeon on the stretcher.

He was lying on his stomach, and when Taeyeon removed his vest, Irene saw that his back was completely burned. He groaned.

She tried to get closer, but Sehun stopped her.

“What are you doing?”

“Just let me...” she tried to move again, and this time Chanyeol pushed her away from the stretcher.

The move made her lose balance and the hold on the crutches, falling on the floor.

“Get out of here!” Screamed Chanyeol.

“I can help him!” Irene said, almost desperately.

“You’re kidding, right? Your X-EXO did this to him!”

“That’s exactly why I can help him!” She didn’t back down. “He was burned by Chanyeøl, wasn’t, he?” Some of the boys looked at each other, and Irene kept talking. “I developed a serum that helps the process of healing. I can help him!”

There was a moment of consideration between the boys.

“How can we know you’re not lying?” Jongdae asked.

“She is lying!” Chanyeol interrupted.

“I'm not lying! You must have seen Sehůn today, haven't you? Wasn’t he fine? It's because I applied the serum the day that you burned him!”

The room was silent.

“Hyung.” Jongin started. “He was fine. We all saw him… Maybe she can help.”

Chanyeol growled, moving away. No one else said anything, and Jongin came closer to Irene, helping her to her feet and handing her the crutches.

“Can you really help him?” he asked, and Irene nodded, getting closer to the bed.

Junmyeon's back was raw, probably worse than Sehůn’s that day. He seemed unconscious, but was a little agitated.

“They gave him one of the pills.” Taeyeon explained. “But I... I've never seen anything like this. Can you really...”

“Yes.” Irene answered. “Do you have a lab in here?”

Taeyeon nodded. The two didn’t wait and left the boys in the room, going to the lab.

Irene didn't have to make much effort, she knew the formula by heart. She had spent months working on it, and Chanyeøl had enough fun burning his colleagues in the tests. The formula had been done for a purpose - but Irene never imagined she would use it for the opposite reason.

Taeyeon helped in what she could, bringing everything Irene needed. There was only one ingredient that the two had to ask Jongin to get - which was fast enough - and in half an hour they were leaving the lab with the serum ready.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun had left the room when they returned. Sehun was on the side of the bed holding Junmyeon's hand, and Jongin and Jongdae were standing further apart, watching.

Irene went to the side of the bed, and Taeyeon kept her distance, trusting what she was going to do. She opened the bottle with the serum, and slowly poured it on the man's back.

Junmyeon screamed, fidgeting on the stretcher.

“What have you done to him?” Sehun asked, nervous

“Even if he's half asleep, it still hurts.” Irene said. “But it's normal. Tomorrow, he will be much better, and in two days there will be no scars on his back.”

“Should we cover the wounds?” Taeyeon asked

“Let the serum work for a few minutes, and then you can treat it like a normal burn.”

Taeyeon nodded and walked away to get what she needed. Jongin got close to the stretcher, looking with sad eyes at the unconscious man.

“Is he really going to be okay?”

Irene looked at him.

“Yes. I can assure you that.”

Jongin nodded, his expression full of concern.

Irene looked at Junmyeon, who had calmed down. She was always a logical person, she knew that the serum would work, there was no doubt.

But in that moment, that knowledge couldn’t stop the tightness in her heart.

--------------------------

The next three days seemed to drag on.

Even if Irene wanted to, she didn't go back to the medical floor. She knew that the boys would be there all the time, and the last thing they would want was to see her there. She respected that.

Taeyeon came to visit her normally, to see how her leg was doing, and told her about Junmyeon's recovery. He was getting better every day, and knowing that at that moment was enough for Irene.

Jongin also showed up, one afternoon. He talked to her for a while, told her how Junmyeon was doing.

“It's incredible, noona.” he said, referring to the effect of the serum. “The marks are almost gone. And I know it's not easy, because I still have some scars on my arms from when Chanyeøl burned me that day.”

Irene told him she could make a little more of the serum for him, and the boy smiled, excited. Jongin had started calling her “noona this, noona that” and she didn’t find it in her heart to stop him. Something about him being so young and innocent was growing on her.

He also said that she could go to the medical floor if she wanted to. Irene refused it, but thanked him for coming to see her.

In that way, she tried to deal with her days. Irene continued to think about the incident, and always wondered what would’ve happened to Junmyeon if she hadn't been there. It was clear that the Exo’rdium had more technology, but were the people in the Elyxion really that vulnerable? Why did they continue to fight, if there were so many risks?

She couldn’t understand that, just as she couldn’t understand several things in this place.

In the rest of her time, Irene continued to read the book. Even when she finished it, she kept rereading it. There was something about that book that left her in peace. Especially that one poem, which was stuck in her mind since she had read it.

Bring me warm rain

and lavender

and you

I want you most of all.

She kept staring at the page. Irene had never thought about that, of how the lavender flower was so small and discrete - but you only needed one to make the whole place smell like it.

That made her think of him.

There was a knock on the door, and Irene turned her head – just to see Junmyeon standing at the entrance of her room.

“Can I come in?”

She couldn’t find the voice to answer him. She wasn't supposed to be that surprised, but Irene really wasn't expecting him to show up there. Her heart was beating too fast.

Junmyeon didn’t wait for her to answer, entering the room. He wasn’t wearing the combat clothes he used to, but something similar to hers - sweatpants and a cotton shirt. His hair was damp, as if he just came out of the shower.

“You’re still reading this?” he asked, looking at the book on her lap. “I can’t tell if you liked it or are just reading it slowly because it’s so bad.”

Irene put herself together.

“What are you doing here?” she finally said. “You should be resting.”

Junmyeon looked at her.

“I think you know better than everybody that I’m fine.” she didn't answer that, and his expression softened. “Do you want to take a walk?”

She should’ve said no - she should’ve - but Irene couldn't find the words to deny it. Especially when he asked her that way. So she nodded, and got out of bed.

Irene imagined that the Elyxion compound was large, but she had no idea how much, until Junmyeon took her out of the room. Close to the training area she saw Sehun the other night, there was another common outdoor area, with a huge garden. There were several people around, walking, talking, playing. With each step she took, Irene was even more surprised.

“It’s nice, right?” he asked, noticing her expression.

“It’s beautiful.” she said, looking around. “How do you maintain it?” That was a very honest question. With the city destroyed by war, places like this were hard to find.

“There are some people responsible for looking after the garden specifically. Everybody likes this place, so we try our best.”

Irene nodded. They continued walking and looking around - Junmyeon slowing down to keep up with her pace with the crutches.

“Thank you.” he said, suddenly, and Irene looked at him. “Jongin told me what you did.”

She looked away, feeling a bit nervous.

“It’s ok.”

“No, it's not.” He touched her arm lightly, to make her stop. “It seems impossible that my back is almost completely healed after the state it was. I'm sure you saved my life.”

Irene shook her head.

“You did the same for me.”

They looked at each other.

Irene wasn't sure what was going on. She wasn't even sure if that was supposed to happen, whatever it was. But maybe she was thinking too much. He’d saved her, and she did the same.

Two children ran between them, and Junmyeon gave her a smile, scratching the back of his neck.

“Should we keep going?”

Irene nodded, a hint of a smile on her face.

As they continued to walk, she saw, not far from them, Baekhyun and Chanyeol sitting on a bench. The silver-haired boy was saying something and the other was laughing, almost falling off the bench.

“He's always overreacting.” Junmyeon commented, looking in the same direction as her.

“I never thought he was capable of laughing like this.”

Junmyeon smiled.

“Chanyeol isn’t a serious person in any way. He just gets pretty defensive when you’re around.”

Irene looked at Junmyeon.

“He can literally burn me to ashes.”

The red-haired man continued to look at his friends.

“Chanyeol suffered a lot, probably more than all of us. He hates anyone who is connected to the Red Force.”

Like Junmyeon, Irene looked at the scene. Baekhyun was smiling at Chanyeol, and he had a soft expression on his face, brushing the hair out of the other’s eyes. They were holding hands.

“Baekhyun’s a good relief for all of us, but he has always been Chanyeol's strength. They like each other very much.”

She could see that. It was obvious in the way they looked at each other. Irene never knew much about love, the feeling being foreign to her - but she was sure that was it.

“I've been thinking,” Junmyeon continued, and Irene looked at him. “maybe you could come and have your meals in the cafeteria.”

Irene blinked. That was random.

Going to the cafeteria? The thought was actually nice - getting out of the room, doing other things. But at the same time, that was part of their routine, and she wondered if it would look like an intrusion.

“I…” she hesitated. “I don’t know…”

“You’ll be welcome, don’t think otherwise.” Junmyeon assured her. “Everybody’s grateful for what you did. Chanyeol too, even though he would never say that.”

Irene had to laugh at that, and when she looked to the side, Junmyeon was already looking at her. She felt her cheeks heat up and looked away - the two of them continuing to walk.

-------------------------

Irene looked at herself in the bathroom mirror for the third time that morning.

That was ridiculous. Why was she so worried about going to the cafeteria? She would just eat and then leave, there was nothing more to it. It wasn’t like they would throw her away… Or would they?

Irene shook her head, pushing those thoughts away. The girl who usually brought her breakfast was late, and she wondered if Junmyeon had told her to be late, to give Irene a chance to go to the cafeteria.

“Don’t overthink it”.

She picked up her crutches, and before she could change her mind, Irene left the room.

People at the Elyxion seemed to be getting used to Irene's presence there, not caring too much when they saw her walking down the halls. She couldn't say she didn't like it - doing things without looking like she was being watched was nice.

Despite that, her going to the cafeteria wasn’t a common sight, and all eyes turned to her as soon as she walked in. In the middle of the room, the EXO members were sitting at a table, bodies turned in her direction. Junmyeon looked pleased, but she didn't wait to see what he was going to do, moving quickly to get a tray.

There was just one problem. She didn't think it would be so difficult to do that while she leaned on her crutches.

“Hey, noona.” Jongin appeared on her side, startling her. Did he teleport over there? “Can I help you with that?”

She didn't really say yes, but he was already picking up a tray for her. Irene blinked, a little taken aback as she answered him when he asked her what she wanted to eat.

When they were done, Jongin started to move to the EXO table, but Irene stopped him.

“I’ll sit over there.” she told him, pointing at an empty table a little far away.

It looked like he wanted to protest, but Jongin just nodded, carrying the tray to the table. When Irene sat down, she saw Junmyeon leaving his spot and approaching them.

“You came.”

It was just a fact, but his expression was so bright that she couldn't think for a second.

“Hm, yes. I don't think it’s going to hurt.”

Junmyeon sat in front of her.

“Of course it won’t. I said you would be welcome.”

Irene glanced at the EXO table, who didn't look so excited with her presence.

“Don’t mind them.” Jongin said. “They’re just jealous.”

Irene turned to him. “Jealous”?

Junmyeon cleared his throat, and the younger said nothing more.

“So,” Junmyeon changed the subject. “Taeyeon said she would examine you today to see if you can remove the splint.”

Irene sighed.

“Yes. I can't take any more walking with these crutches. I can't wait to get rid of them.”

“But are you sure you're okay? Don't you feel any pain?”

“Just a little. But I think it will be fine if I continue the exercises. Anyway, we will only know when we remove the splint and analyze the situation.”

Junmyeon nodded.

“Noona,” Jongin started. “if you’re ok, will you be able to make that serum for me?”

Irene smiled lightly.

“I’ll speak to Taeyeon about it.”

Junmyeon looked confused.

“What are you talking about?”

“Irene noona said she would make me some anti-burn serum, to get rid of the marks left on my arms.”

The red-haired man frowned.

“You shouldn't be bothering her.”

“Come on, hyung. Your back is completely healed.”

Junmyeon said nothing, and Irene looked at him. As a doctor, she would’ve liked to see the healing process, to see how he was doing - but in that situation, she couldn't just ask him to take off his shirt and show his back.

“It's all right.” She assured him. “It's not too difficult, I can do a little more.”

Junmyeon smiled slightly and Irene looked away, paying attention to her food.

------------------------

In the early afternoon, Irene went to Taeyeon's office. It was a little earlier than they had scheduled, but she was so eager to remove that splint that she couldn't wait in her room.

The office door was open, but when she got closer, Irene saw that someone was already inside. Baekhyun was sitting on a stretcher, and Taeyeon was taking care of what appeared to be a cut on his arm.

The boy kept talking nonstop, but even when she concentrated on what she was doing, Taeyeon paid attention to his every word. She smiled a few times, the smiles discreet, looking at his face when the boy wasn’t paying attention.

Maybe Irene was seeing too much of some things because her mind was so free these days – or maybe it could be because of that poetry book – but she was sure at that moment that Taeyeon liked Baekhyun.

Taeyeon finished what she was doing and Baekhyun moved his arm, flinching a little, probably because it hurt.

“Don’t move too much or you will open the stitches.”

“Alright, sorry.” Baekhyun touched his arm. “Thank you, noona. You saved me again.”

He smiled at her, and Taeyeon shook her head, looking down. Her cheeks were a soft pink, and she adjusted the glasses on her face.

“It’s alright.”

Someone passed Irene by the door, entering the room quickly - interrupting the scene. Chanyeol stopped beside the stretcher, looking at Baekhyun with concern.

“What happened, Baek? They told me you were here.”

“It’s nothing.” Baekhyun reassured him. “I was just training with Sehunie.”

“Did he hit you with an arrow on purpose?”

“Well...” Baekhyun bit his lower lip. “I did tease him that he wouldn't be able to hit me when I was running.”

Chanyeol sighed, shaking his head.

“But I’m fine now, Taeyeon noona took care of me.”

“Just make sure he doesn’t move his arm too much.” she told Chanyeol.

“I will definitely make sure of that.” Chanyeol said, and Baekhyun got off the stretcher.

“Thanks again, noona.” he said to Taeyeon, before following Chanyeol out of the room.

The two stopped when they saw Irene at the door, but Chanyeol just continued on his way without saying anything, while Baekhyun smiled and said a "hello" before leaving. Only then Taeyeon noticed she was there.

“Oh. Irene, I'm sorry to keep you waiting...” she said, and then hesitated. “Have you been here for a long time...?”

Irene thought about saying the truth, but that would mean she would’ve seen the previous scene, with Baekhyun - and she was sure Taeyeon wouldn't want to talk about it.

“No.” she shook her head. “I just got here.”

“Alright…” she paused. “So, let’s see if you can take off this splint?”

Irene nodded.

She had a feeling that her leg would no longer be swollen, and when Taeyeon removed the splint, they could see she was right. It was clear the Elyxion didn’t have as much technology as the Exo’rdium, but their techniques were also good. Irene could feel that her leg was much better.

They still did some tests, pressing her leg and walking, and although it still hurt a little, it was tolerable. Irene could walk normally, just limping a little, but without the help of crutches.

“You know you need to continue exercising daily to be completely well.” Taeyeon told her. “Also, I don't think you're going to do that, but don't push yourself too hard, and don't run around or anything.”

Irene nodded, not believing that running could really be an option now.

“I won’t. Thank you, Taeyeon.”

When she left the room, Irene felt the best she had ever been all those days.

Being restricted was terrible, and now walking through the halls was much easier and much more satisfying. Irene suddenly thought of Junmyeon - she wanted to tell him, show him. It was such a strong thought that she didn't stop herself from looking for him in the compound.

Unfortunately, he was nowhere in sight - and Irene didn't want to ask anyone, because she knew it would sound strange. In the end, she just walked through the garden, feeling the late afternoon chilly breeze, and thinking about the last time she walked there with Junmyeon.

She was so lost in thought that she almost didn’t see Jongdae, playing chess on a table not far from where she was. Irene stopped, the familiar scene startling her for a moment.

Of all the boys, she would say that Jongdae was the most different.

Where Chën had a perfect posture, with perfectly fitted clothes and slick styled hair, Jongdae just seemed more carefree - practical and simple, with curly hair covering his forehead in a messy way.

He suddenly looked to the side - at her - and Irene didn't know whether to stay there or leave.

“Do you want to play?” he asked, surprising her.

That scene, too, looked like a deja-vú. Despite that, she nodded.

She sat across from him, watching the boy put the pieces back together. Chën never did that, he liked that she played from where he left off.

“Do you know how to play?”

Irene nodded.

“Yes.”

“Then you can start.”

Irene wasn't sure why he wanted her company. It was clear that he was more open to her presence than Chanyeol or Sehun, but he never seemed to express that - until now.

She moved a piece.

Jongdae looked at the board for some time before moving one, too.

The two played a few rounds in silence, until he seemed surprised by a move Irene made.

“Nice play. I didn't think you guys would have time for trivial hobbies like this one.”

Irene watched him play.

“It's a logical game, it helps with mind control. We all had some lessons on that.”

Jongdae was silent for a moment.

“Does he play too?”

Irene didn't expect him to ask about Chën, but then, nothing was being predictable here.

“Yes.” she said. “It’s one of his favorite things to do.”

Jongdae raised the corner of his lips.

“Besides stalking people with his cameras?”

He had made a move that Irene wasn't sure how to overcome. She thought about it and moved a piece without answering the question.

“Why does he never show up in combat?” Jongdae asked, and Irene looked at him. He was frowning, and she knew that matter bothered him enough for him to ask her.

“Chën is very smart. He prefers to use his mind in strategy than his body in combat.”

Jongdae was still frowning.

“He doesn't use his thunder?”

“Yes, but only if he needs to. I believe that Chën wants to win with something that...” She paused “Well, that’s not someone else's.”

Jongdae seemed unbothered by that.

“Good time to have these principles.” he murmured, before moving a piece. “Check Mate.”

Irene looked at the board, seeing how fast he had changed the game - and wondered what would happen if him and Chën faced each other.

--------------------------

The night came, and Irene still hadn’t seen Junmyeon.

She hoped she would have met him in the cafeteria at dinner time, but he wasn’t there. EXO's table was also not full - only Baekhyun, Jongdae and Sehun were there. Irene sat down with Taeyeon and a few other people from the medical center, but wasn’t hungry to eat all of her dinner.

Later in her room, Irene thought about trying to sleep early, but she didn't feel tired at all, and decided to take a hot shower and try to relax. As she was leaving the bathroom, there was a knock on the door - and her heart skipped a beat.

Her whole body was telling her – was wishing – that it was going to be him, but Irene tried not to put her hopes up when she went to open the door – and saw Junmyeon standing there.

“Hi. I wasn’t sure if you would be sleeping... You weren’t, right?”

Irene shook her head. She didn't know why she was so pleased to see him there, and they continued to look at each other - but Junmyeon was awkward, holding a plate with what looked like cake in his hands.

“Do you want to come in?” she asked, and he nodded.

Junmyeon entered the room, Irene closing the door behind them, and it was the first time that the two were alone like this. The realization hit her, and there was a moment of tension in the room.

“This is a cake from the cafeteria.” He explained, breaking the silence. “It's my favorite, so I stole a piece, but... I don't know if you'd like...”

Irene watched him.

“I ate a lot at dinner, today.” she told him.

“Ah.” Junmyeon blinked. “Ah, it's okay. I just... Well...” He frowned, looking down, and seemed to notice her leg. “You removed the splint.”

Irene followed his gaze, moving her leg.

“Yes, this afternoon.”

“Are you okay? Doesn’t it hurt?” She shook her head “That's good.”

There was another moment of silence in the room, and Irene didn't really want to say that - but it seemed that she was unable to contain her curiosity those days, especially when it came to Junmyeon.

“I haven't seen you in the building all day.” She commented, without really asking.

“I had to attend some meetings today.” he told her “They went outside the compound, so... It was a little far away.”

Irene knew that the Red Force was the one who determined everything in the Exo'rdium and controlled X-EXO - but it was a mystery to everyone who was behind EXO. She felt like if she asked him, Junmyeon would tell her, but Irene was actually surprised to realize she didn't want to talk about it with him at that moment.

She walked around the room, past him to the nightstand, where the poetry book was.

“I think I should give this back to you.”

Junmyeon looked at the book, and shook his head.

“You can keep it. I have plenty of books in my room.”

Irene didn’t know why, but that didn’t sound strange.

“Do you really like poetry?”

Junmyeon gave her a half smile.

“It's kind of ironic in the times we live in, isn't it?”

She looked at him, feeling something deep about it.

“Not really.” she said, meaning it.

Junmyeon seemed taken aback by that, and the mood in the room changed.

“Can I ask you which one is your favorite, if you have one?”

Irene hesitated, but sat on the bed and opened the book, looking for the page. She noticed when Junmyeon sat next to her, leaving the plate with the cake on the nightstand.

She found the lavender poem, and showed it to him. Junmyeon looked at the page with a light smile, and Irene was unable to look away from him.

“I like this one a lot, too.”

“Do you have a favorite?”

Junmyeon eyed her, and started flipping through the book again until he stopped on a page. Irene saw the title, "Always".

“Do you mind if I read it out loud?” Junmyeon asked.

She shook her head.

“No.”

Junmyeon seemed to concentrate, and Irene watched every detail in his expression as he read.

“You were you, and I was I; we were two, before our time. I was yours before I knew, and you have always been mine too.”

It was such a small poem, a quick reading - but the depth it had, the depth she felt from Junmyeon was so intense, it was almost too much for Irene.

“That was my parent’s favorite.” Junmyeon said, before finally looking back at her.

Irene knew she should’ve moved, that she should’ve said something, but it was impossible. His voice still reverberated in her ears, and now that he was looking at her, everything around seemed out of focus.

She didn't notice her body leaning towards him - or maybe it was him who was approaching her? Irene didn't know. But they were close, and she could see every detail of his face.

Junmyeon had a small scar on his lower lip. It was so small that it couldn't be noticed unless you were close, like this. His eyes were almost hidden behind the red hair, and Irene’s fingers were itching to get it out of the way.

“Irene...”

Hearing the soft tone of his voice made her realize what was about to happen, all the warnings in her mind going off.

Were they about to kiss?

Irene moved away, getting up from the bed. Her mind was still fuzzy, but she had to get a grip of herself.

What was going on?

“Irene?”

She looked at Junmyeon. He looked confused, still sitting on the bed.

“I think I need to sleep.” She said, suddenly. “I... Thanks for the cake. But I'm tired, I... I need to sleep.”

Junmyeon kept quiet for a few moments, but then stood up, without pressuring her. He also knew what would have happened, so why wasn't he questioning her? This confused Irene even more.

“Alright.” He said, leaving the book on the bed. “You can send it back to the cafeteria if you don't want to.” He continued, referring to the cake.

And after looking at her one more time, Junmyeon left the room.

Irene sat on the bed again, feeling weak.

What was happening to her? She wasn’t like that.

Even when she was involved with Sehůn, Irene knew it wasn’t right. She knew that being with a subject wasn’t good for her job. But Junmyeon? That was even worse.

He was EXO.

He was the enemy. She used to do her best everyday to develop things that would help to destroy him.

And now, against all odds, she had almost kissed him.

And she wanted to.

That’s what scared her the most.

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turdblossommm · 5 years

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I’ll Fly Away {14}

Summary: You had a rough childhood and are closed off from people in fear of being hurt again. James Barnes is the complete opposite from you, he grew up well and healthy. James Barnes knew how to get what he wants but when he faces the challenge of knowing you will he succeed

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

A/N: This is the end, I have loved and hated writing this story. I’ve put a lot of my own insecurities into the story and it was hard to write about them. Thanks for reading and there will be an epilogue! To the end of the line with you guys

A/N pt.2: Shout out to @xi-i-i-whatsyouremergency who has always let a comment and a like. Thanks for the support boo

part 13 / masterlist

Bucky held your hand as you watched Annie slowly slip away, he had no idea how to comfort you or make you feel better. It had been a long three days for you between Annie slipping in and out of consciousness and her children and ex-husband coming to the hospital.

“Don’t worry your checks are already signed” You glared at Henry, Bucky shifted in his seat. He wasn’t familiar with the cool tone you were using and it was a bit unnerving for him. Between the glares from you and Natasha’s he thought Henry might spontaneously combust.

“I’m here to see my dying wife”

“Ex-wife” You snapped and Bucky grabbed your hand in hopes of calming you down

“You have no right to talk to me like that” He snapped back “She isn’t your mom” You stood from you chair, not letting him see how his words hurt you

“Listen here shit head” You jabbed your finger in his chest “I was the one who took care of her, I was the only one there for her when you left. She would’ve died a long time ago if it wasn’t for me” You glared past him at his children who stood behind him avoiding your glances “So you can leave I’ll mail the checks” Henry turned to his sons

“Let’s go” You smirked

“Henry wait” You dug around your pockets and pulled out a penny and placed it in his hand “That’s all she left you” You could see his blood boil as he turned away from you and you collapsed next to Nat on the couch. She wrapped her arms around you as you curled into her side.

He watched as you wrote their addresses in your perfect handwriting after your interview with T’Challa. Annie passed away in her sleep two days before, Bucky tried to convince her to wait for the interview and she muttered something about Annie not wanting her to stop her life.

Bucky could feel her pulling away from him, he understood that she need space. So when you didn’t ask him to help you clean out Annie’s house, he felt his heart almost break. Natasha followed her out of the apartment, leaving him in your kitchen alone.

“Bucky” He turned to Natasha “She has known nothing but loss and Annie used to be the only stable thing she had until she met you. She’s afraid she’ll lose you too” Bucky swallowed

“She won’t” Natasha gave him a sad smile

“I know, just give her some time”

Bucky drove out to his mother’s house and watched from the window, to make sure you were okay. Winny watched with a sad smile, she did enjoy Annie and her heart broke as she read the beautiful obituary written by you

Annette Josephine O’Hera

Born in 1934 in Duluth, Minnesota where as a child she’s wait for her father to return from fishing trip along the docks and later she’d wait for her three older brothers. Annette attended Columbia University in 1952 where she met her husband Henry O’Hera where they studies foreign policies.

Annette had two sons, Gregory and Johnathon who both have children of their own. After her sons had grown and gone off to college Annette and Henry fostered a little girl name Y/N.

After Annette’s divorce she traveled and found joy in gardening. Annette retired in 1999 from her job as a political analysis. She moved to upstate New York when she few ill with Alzheimer’s.

Annette is predeceased by her parents and brothers, and his survived by her daughter Y/N Y/L/N, the one who was always there for her

Her funeral will be held next Saturday.

You felt nothing, you cried all your tears, your throat was raw from all your crying. You almost relaxed at Bucky’s touch as he zipped up your black dress. You knew you weren’t being fair to him, but it was better to feel nothing that feel all of it all over again.

Bucky could see the hurt in your eyes, he was proud that you could get up and talk in front of all those people. He held your hand as people took turns telling stories about Annie, Bucky watched the slide show in awe with Annie’s favorite song playing in the background. What Annie had done in her life was astonishing, his heart kept when pictures of you as a child popped up on the screen.

“Thank you all for coming” Bucky watched you “There will be food and drinks back at Annie’s house” You stepped down from the podium and bid everyone a goodbye and stepped out of the funeral home.

“Bucky I just want to be alone” You turned to him as he had followed you out

“You don’t have to be” He grabbed her hand

“But I do Bucky, I just lost all the family I have left” You snapped and pulled your hand out of his “I have no one”

“You have Nat” He tried to reason with you

“She’s going to marry Clint and then have a family of her own, I’ll continue to be a burden” You shook your head

“Dammit Y/N you have me” He finally snapped at you “I love you and nothing is going to change that” He watched as tears filled your eyes

“But what if it does?” Bucky felt his heart clench “What if you stop loving me, I’m a nightmare with a million issues. There will come a day when you stop loving me” You quickly turned away from him and met Nat in the parking lot.

Ten days.

It had been ten days since Annie’s funeral and ten days since you’ve seen Bucky, you were lying to yourself that you missed him but you never wanted to feel pain like this again. You were distracting yourself by helping Nat pack up the apartment with Ares tearing boxes apart.

She finally decided to move in with Clint after you told her you were going to move to Manhattan to be closer to your new job. T’Challa has been ever kind through the whole process and allowed you a few days off before you official start working with him.

The job was a good distraction unlike the deli where you stood before a wall all day, now you were reading potential books. You were living the dream while your heart was breaking for Annie and longing for Bucky.

You shoved the last box of yours in the crappy Ford Focus you bought with your first pay check. You loaded Ares up in the back seat and while walking around to the drivers side you caught a familiar pair of blue eyes.

“Y/N” You shook your head as he walked over to you “I need to talk to you”

“I’m busy right now” You looked away from him

“Are you moving?” You nodded

“To Manhattan, closer to work” You gave him a weak smile

“We’re you going to tell me?” He scoffed

“I thought it was very clear where we stood after the funeral” You snapped

“You’re just going to leave me? Pretend like we never had anything” You nodded

“Yes because I’m better alone Bucky, I’ve alway been alone”

‘You’re better alone?” He snapped “You could barely walk in crowds before you met me”

“We both had our flaws before we me which we both found endearing now but later, maybe months or years we will hate each other for them and I can’t take this kind of heartbreak again” You sniffled “Goodbye Bucky I wish you the very best in life” You slammed the door and drove away with tears streaming down your face.

Bucky watched you drive away from him, not know when and if he’d ever see you again.

TAGLIST: @skeletoresinthebasement @iamwarrenspeace @youreahandsomedevil @alina-barnes @xi-i-i-whatsyouremergency @ambivalence-is-me @101killer @stat89posts

A/N pt.3: im so sorry, im a mess too and ive known forever

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes au #sad bucky #bucky imagine #BUCKY AU #bucky x reader #ceo!bucky #Winter Solider #winter solider imagine #winter solider x reader #winter solider fanfiction #Avengers #avengers au #marvel

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unknowngirl199424-blog · 6 years

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Pt. 3

Now being the pretty innocent girl i was. I smoked weed very occasionally. Drank every now and then. But that was it really. I smoked cigs. Stupid choice i made at an even more stupid young age. I was 13 when i tried it. 15 when i started smoking every day. (My parents knew, they didn't care) my younger sister had been smoking for years. She partied a lot. Drank a lot. Smoked a lot. Took a lot of pills. Would steal my moms pain pills that she needed from the back surgeries. Mom would run out at the end of the month and would bawl... Literally wail in pain. And it never stopped my sister. I caught her several times. Id get pissed. Ask her wtf she was doing, or why... But she never stopped. I never told... I was drowning in depression. It started when i was 13. After my grandma passed. I changed... She was my world.

My parents partied ALOT!

Used LOTS of drugs...

Ranging from just weed, to coke, to meth...

The first half of my life... From birth till... 14? I think was when they quit all the hard shit for good. They were just... Mom and dad. I mean i loved them, i respected them, but... I didn't have anything to compare it to. It was normal for me to walk in and see light bulbs just randomly on the coffee table.

It was normal for me to wake my sis up in the morning, helping her get dressed, teeth brushed, food in her belly and out the door waiting on the bus. Every day. We lived in the country about 20 miles from town where our friends were. So all we had was each other. In the summer as soon as the sun started to show, 7:00ish. My parents would rush into our room. One would wake up me while the other would wake my sister. Rush us up and to get dressed and outside. We'd be outside alllllllllll day long in the summer in Oklahoma heat. They'd have friends over and lock the doors. We played. Sometimes the friends would bring their kids and we'd run around and play all day. I was a tom boy. I had scarred bloody knees almost daily from wrecking my bike. Would just walk around the property we lived on. Played with our dogs. Pissed off snakes that liked to live in the barn or chicken coop. I ran a lot. BUT IT WAS NORMAL TO ME. They started to quit when i was 12. Then grandma passed. They started again. Didn't stop for good until mom was hurt and dad was fired for pissing dirty for weed, coke, and meth. He was rehired 6 months later. But shit was rough at the time. So after losing my grandma. I went into myself. She loved me, took care of me. Gave me what i wanted and needed. I basically broke. I was never really an over joyous kid. I was raped and molested by my cousin. And so i always carried pain. But grandma was who made me happy. She passed. And from that point in my life from 13 to 18. I cut a lot. I was emotionless most days. But some days I'd break and cry for hours. For the longest time i thought i was depressed because of grandma. But i realized... Depression is a disease. And once you get a good dose of it, it stays. It twists and folds and wiggles its way into every fibre of your being and clings. And bad things that go on add to it and over time, you are eye level deep terrified you're gonna go under soon and no one will notice. Well over the years shit was added. Once I realised i could.... Not feel the pain and sadness... I latched on. Over time the occasional smoking weed went to every day several times a day. Drinking came up for awhile but i hated feeling like shit the next day so i quit. My ex gave me a pain pill one day.

I realised that not only could i get away from the pain and depression, i could feel fucking amazing while doing so. So it started out ya know. Once a week. Just one. To 2 a week to 4 a week to at least 1 every day. When we went up north. Pills were every where. Drugs in general. And i wanted to experience things. We had fun. Went lots of places. Did lots of things. Parties, festivals, fairs, amusement parks, museums, art museums, craft fairs, art stores, book stores, malls, movie theaters.. Just... it was great. I met her friends. They were like her. We partied a lot. I was soley living in the moment for once instead of striving to please everyone else. It was a stupid choice. But it was my choice. Over the years. The fun with it stopped... it became a nessecity. She got shitty and mean sober and i was just as miserable. I wanted happiness not that. Her dad would give us pain pills every day and muscle relaxers. If we did literally anything for him he'd pay us in pills. My ex was also prescribed pain pills too! We'd go through them so quick and then he'd give them to us so we didn't go through withdrawal. By year 3 (2015) I'm 21. I'm working a few months here a few months there. Living the same daily cycle. My day didn't start until pills were thrown down my throat. The habit got bad. I was to a point i was taking fucking handfulls of pills. Daily. And didn't feel ok until then. The few days i didn't have them, i literally slept all day and all night. I was burying my issues with a dark coping mechanism.

I started falling out of love. I left her once last year and we got back together the next day. I told her she couldn't keep stopping me from leaving because it was making me hate her. She wouldnt let go. We stayed together for 4 months. I broke up with her and moved back to oklahoma the beginning of this year. But she was my comfort. Pills were my comfort. After being here for 4 months i let her come back. It was bad. I got back into pills again and one day i told her i didn't want to be with her anyone. She was here for a month at that point. But she wasn't trying to work. She wouldn't do anything. But look for pills. I told her i was done. She gave me some pills. I didn't know what they were but she told me they were for anxiety. And i was really upset. So i took them. We kept arguing. She kept giving me more. My parents stopped by to drop something off, i guess i was wayyyyy out of it. They leave. The fight blows up. I tell her i want her gone. She kept refusing. Idk what happened. It was like a light switch went off. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a steak knife and sliced my wrist up for the first time ever... I only cut my stomach and thighs as a teen. She came around the corner and saw what i was doing and broke a glass vase i had. She ran over and grabbed the blade. Started yanking it from me. I guess we fought over it pretty hard cuz all i remember was it flying across the room and when i got back 6 days later it was soooo bent up.

She kept going and going and i grabbed a piece of glass and cut, she got it away and i just collapsed to the floor. She tried hugging me. I screamed at her for being toxic for me. To not touch me. To just call my mom. My mom shows up. Its like 11:30 at night at this point and she freaks out. My ex starts shit with her. They argue. I scream at them that they needed to stop and mom took me to the er. I guess by that point i was in and out of consciousness. One thing i do remember was seeing an old teacher that i had from yearrrrs ago when i went to a vocational school to become a certified nurse aid. I really looked up to her at 17. Admired her. She was a Dr there in the er. It was humialting. I cried. I guess i pissed in a cup for em or something. I don't remember. But they told my mom (which i didn't find out till almost a week later) that i was overdosing. That all of what i took hadn't caught up and that's why i was talking really crazy and blacking out. I don't remember. But the next morning i wake up. There was a cop sitting next to my bed. 20 mins later im being handcuffed and put in a cruiser and drove over a hr to a phych place. Guess the dr asked me the night before what would happen if i went home and i said i didn't know. So they legally put me there for 5 days so i couldn't be any harm to myself.

5 good things about being put there.

1. I had no access to pills, alcohol, even cigarettes. So i was very very clear headed. The first time in almost 6 years. Had time to think about where tf my life has landed me.

2. I realized how fucking truly bad our relationship was. And came to the conclusion that if we stayed together. One, if not both of us was gonna end up in a casket. Whether it be from pills or not. It was gonna happen.

3. I realized that i deserved wayyyy better. Relationship wise. Life wise. I deserved someone who could push me in the healthy direction. Make positive choices. I felt like instead of maturing, i was still trapped in an 18 yr olds mentality.

4. I ended it. And that time i meant it. There's nothing she could offer me. That would make me go back. Not a million dollars, not a billion, not even all the stars in the sky. I have nothing for her.

5. I met someone who treats me amazing now. Who pushes me. Keeps me away from the shit. I've been pain pill free for 5 months and its staying that way.

And for once... I'm starting to actually feel happy. Genuinely. I was prescribed anti depressants, anti anxiety, and a sleep disorder med. I stopped taking the anti depressants because they made it worse. But im to the point where the good days finally out weigh the bad. And when the bad come, i roll with it.

For the new year. I have a few goals.

1. Continue all the hard work ive put into myself. Keep eating healthy. Keep exercising. Keep pushing myself forward. No more settling for less what what i truly want.

2. Stay tf away from pain pills. 👍 keep fighting that demon in me who whispers how good I would feel or how one wouldn't hurt...

3. Quit smoking cigs. They're killing me. My lungs hurt all the time.

4. Continue bettering my life. I got away from her for 4 months and i had my own home, vehicle, and a high paying easy job. Brought her back for a month, had a suicidal moment. But she's gone and im in a great relationship. And I'm fucking HAPPY!

5. Quit being so fucking hard on myself. I hate the way i look, i hate my body. But they can be changed. Stress over things that need it but relax more. I'm 24. I still have time.

I STILL HAVE FUCKIN TIME

#mine #personal #journal #diary #dear diary #my diary #my words #my escape #my post #getting better #one step at a time

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maternalcube · 6 years

Text

i did an art summary so now im doing a fic summary. i was tagged by @jamthedingus also!! ive never done one of these before!! lets go!!!

Rest (13106)

Keith & Lance's Island Adventure (20631)

Atlantis (10014 words)

The Way to a Man’s Heart (6858 words)

nobody's business (2096 words)

leave, and take (557 words)

dead girl walking (1661 words)

the course of fate (1039 words)

who ya gonna call (465 words)

come here often? (806 words)

til kingdom come (1950 words)

stars in the sky (pt 2) (5404 words)

a song of falling (630 words)

Eyes to the Sky (3683 words)

Feet on the Ground (4050 words)

Divergence (6669 words)

homecoming (1426 words)

Window of Opportunity (11144 words)

along that wilderness of glass (3801 words)

string theory (2327 words)

Katt Week (1062 words)

The Pining-Plant (3860 words)

at the end of many worlds (21684 words)

you're my home (19646 words)

Believe Me (3177 words)

Starchild (3568 words)

Summer Heat (2285 words)

third time's the charm (5349 words)

Blackbird (59546 words)

The Sixth Planet (9444 words)

all the infinite realities (1197 words)

Total Fics: 31! (plus one i posted anonymously lmao) Total Words: 229999! (except parts of string theory and the sixth planet were actually posted last year... but still, what a number)

more under the cut!

Ship/character breakdown: i didnt filter out my prompt collection or abandoned wips here so /shrug Ship breakdown:

klance - 6 sheith - 5 shance - 5 katt - 4 heith - 3 pallura - 2 and one each of plance, kallura, allurance, shatt, shkatt, kidge, kidgance, and shunk. and keiths parents lol. let it never be said i am not a multishipper.

and i know gen isnt a ship but it tied with klance at 6 (plus whatevers in the prompt collection) which was a surprise

Character breakdown: man if theres a way to get ao3 to show me ALL the stats, i dont know it. but.

keith - 25 (shocker) shiro - 23 lance - 21 pidge - 17 hunk - 16 allura - 12 matt - 12 and then coran and sam are at 4, and zarkon ats 3 and presumably many others are at 3 or less

Characters that had the main focus: well ~9 were from keiths pov, and ~5 each from shiro and lances povs. i think i also had ~5 from multiple points of view. its safe to say that keith has my heart tho lol

Specifics:

Best/worst title? Best title: i still like “at the end of many worlds.” i weirdly still like “Blackbird” too even if it has nothing to do with anything... Worst title: “Rest.” :/ also like all of the abandoned wips bc i didnt care. and “Keith & Lance's Island Adventure.″ some of my zine fic titles were also... bad. im bad at titles.

Best/worst first line?

Best: Keith & Lance's Island Adventure. ok the title is bad but this line? this really sets the tone for whole fic. you know what youre getting yourself into here.

When Pidge invited Keith to a fully-funded graduation party aboard the Holt family boat (“the smaller one, anyway,” she’d said), this is not exactly what he'd pictured: three of them standing on a wobbly dock, packed bags at their feet, sky cloudy and gray, while the Holt siblings stand on a little ledge off the back of the boat and deny entry.

Worst: ive got two for this lol

at the end of many worlds: even i have to read this a couple times to figure out what i was trying to say. at least you know youre in for pain...

Keith’s mother shows up to interrupt movie night often enough that, this time, Keith almost doesn’t realize anything’s wrong. Almost, because she’s silhouetted by the movie, but she’s clutching her arm and panting for breath, and in the thin edge of light around her he sees a wet and vibrant red.

Divergence: because all your friends being dead is EXACTLY like losing at dodgeball. yeah, theres a reason i abandoned this one.

Hunk always hated playing dodgeball. Not because he was bad at it--though he was--but because he always ended up the last one standing, and therefore the only target for the entire other team. It was due to a tendency to hang unnoticed in the back, he knew, but that didn't change the sickening, empty feeling of looking around and realizing there's no one left but him, and there's no way he can win. Only wait for the inevitable.

This, Hunk decides, is a lot like that, only, like, a billion times worse.

Best/worst last line?

Best: The Pining-Plant. there are a few others that were cute too but this one is also good out of context so

And then the pod swishes open and he's scrambling to catch Pidge as she stumbles out. She clings to his arms to steady herself and his heart swells.

"Falling for me again, huh?" he asks, and she groans loudly.

"Let me go, I'm getting back in the pod," she says, and he laughs. He doesn't let go, and neither does she.

Worst: if im bad at titles, im worse at endings. most are bad. i suspect the ending to “Rest” is terrible but i cant bring myself to even open that shit again so: Believe Me. if weather were a recurring theme in this fic, itd be fine, but as is its just... a weird note to end the fic on lmao

Hunk rocks back on his heels. "We aren't counting this as our official first date, right?"

"I dunno," Keith says, and now he smiles at the rain instead of frowning. It shows no sign of easing up, but whatever—they're soaked anyway. "This seems pretty good to me."

“...All right.” If nothing else, it’ll make a good story. And, Hunk had to admit—he’s pretty happy with how it’s turned out, rain and all.

But next time, he's double-checking the forecast, just in case.

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

more than i expected! considering ive been in grad school all year!! i wrote about the same amount wordcount-wise in 2017 which i spent only half in school so. idk how i managed it.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

the anonymous fic was a surprise but im not gonna talk about that lol. otherwise... nah, its all been my usual stuff.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

blackbird, probably. i like working on that one. summer heat was also fun, id sort of forgotten about it bc it was a zine fic but coming back to it, i really liked it. likewise with third time’s the charm. and i like t6p a lot even if i kinda hate drawing for it :’)

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

depends on your metric. window of opportunity has the most kudos, keith and lance’s island adventure has the most hits, and t6p has the most comments and subscriptions.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

AT THE END OF MANY WORLDS. oh man i killed myself over that fic. it was important to me. but i think the mcd scared everyone off :’)

Story that could have been better?

i realize “all of them” is kind of a cop out answer but like

Sexiest story?

i have written nothing sexy, ever, in my whole life

Saddest story?

i mean, ateomw. considering all the death. blackbird def has its moments too.

Most fun?

i feel like i answered this in the favorite story q lmao. you’re my home also gets a shoutout, that thing was,, super self-indulgent lmao. and id be lying if i said i didnt have fun with parts of ateomw, even if its mostly sad.

Story with single sweetest moment?

man i write a lot of fluff but so much of you’re my home is just tooth-rotting. heres part of the proposal scene lmao

"Lance!" Keith yelps, barely rescuing the ring from falling into the sand with them. Lance pushes himself up on his arms, silhouetted by the sun and glowing with it.

"Really?" he asks breathlessly.

"Yeah," Keith says, and maybe he should've prepared something to say, that's a thing people do, right? Hell, he's winging it. "I know we can't stay here on Earth forever, 'cause we're paladins, and there's still stuff out there we gotta do. And I know you probably want to stay because this is your home—but you're my home, and if we gotta go, at least you'll have me, good or bad." He grins crookedly. "Or rocket science. Whatever happens, I'll be there."

Hardest story to write?

well t6p gets a shoutout, but its not the writing thats the hard part for that. uhhh ive struggled with parts of blackbird. i remember k&l’s island adventure giving me a LOT of trouble, i think i posted late lol

Easiest/most fun story to write?

anything short uhhh for all the infinite realities, i kind of just sat down the other day (actually i was in bed but) and was like “im gonna write this” and then in the morning i just sat down and wrote it in one go. i dunno if id call it fun, but it was easy. t6p is super fun to write but, as mentioned, drawing it sucks.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

no... my perceptions probably have shifted but not due to anything i wrote in particular. i did talk myself into liking allurance with a prompt fill, though, but im not sure that was 2018...

Most overdue story?

all the infinite realities lmao. at the end of many worlds needed that happy ending. and another shoutout to t6p, because thats been going on over a year and im still nowhere.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

does posting my abandoned wips count? ive still got some of those hanging around... blackbird was a bit of a risk bc my last longfic was written while i was unemployed and out of school, so like i had the time for it, and now i kinda dont. still chugging tho. ateomw b/c of all the death but it turns out i really like writing whump woops. and writing any sort of kissing always feels like a risk bc i suck at it but im getting better lol... i hope...

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

write more! finish things! do more sheith! i really want to work on this sheith longfic i came up with the other day... but i want to get blackbird over with first.

Tagging: eh! do it if you want to!

#i need a fic tag #HOO BOY

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thinkyoureholy · 6 years

Text

Your Name Remains The Same [14]

Warning : mentions of blood....slightly

Pairing : Park Chanyeol / [FEM] Reader

Genre : Angst, some fluff, future smut, Mafia!AU

Words : 2.2k

Pt 1. Pt 2. Pt 3. Pt 4. Pt 5. Pt 6. Pt 7. Pt 8. Pt 9. Pt 10. Pt 11. Pt 12. Pt 13. Pt 14. Pt 15.

- 5 Months Later -

“Just where the hell do you think you’re going?” I snapped out, reaching out to grab his collar tightly.

I had given him a good beating so he was already pretty weak but surprisingly enough he still had a little bit of fight in him.

“You think you’re going to escape? Oh well I hate to break it to you sweetie but I’m just getting started,” I said, showing him a sickly sweet smile before pulling my arm back and swinging it forward, landing a hard punch onto his cheek, “Where is he?”

“Go to hell.” The man snarled out, spitting the blood that was in his mouth at my face.

I closed my eyes in irritation, pushing him away from me roughly. I let out something in between a scoff and a chuckle, wiping the blood off my face with my sleeve. I smirked at seeing him try to crawl away, another chuckle leaving my lips as I walked to stand in front of him. He made the mistake of leaving his hand out in front of him when I made my way over to him, making it easier for me to step on it and that’s exactly what I did. As soon as I put my weight onto the foot that was on his hand he started squirming, a groan of pain leaving his lips. He clutched onto my ankle but he was so weak I could barely feel his hand. I twisted my foot, satisfied when I heard a sickly cracking sound coming from his fingers.

“I’m gonna ask you one more time...where is he?” I questioned him, my voice low as I crouched down in front of him.

He remained quiet, clutching his hand to his chest. With a sigh I looked towards Jongin and Sehun who stood at the back of the room, giving them a nod. That was all they needed to march over to where I stood, lifting the man off the floor and onto a table before strapping him down. I grabbed the cloth that was draped over a nearby chair. Before I could even get close the them I felt a hand on my shoulder, stopping me. I looked back to see that arm belonged to Jongdae.

“Stop, he clearly doesn’t know anything.” Jongdae said with a frown on his face.

“You can’t seriously think that.” I retorted, turning around to face him completely.

“You’ve been at it for the past three hours and he hasn’t said anything yet what makes you think he’s going to say anything once you’re through with him?”

“He’s lasted longer than the others, he knows something and I’m going to find out.”

“Y/N…”

“Look Jongdae if you don’t want to see this then that’s fine with me, the door is that way.” I told him, about to turn around when I froze at what he said next.

“I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“How do you think I felt when I realized you weren’t the same man I called my best friend five years ago? You think I was thrilled to know six months ago that that same man was now a complete stranger? Doesn’t feel so good now does it?” I asked, noticing the way his face fell at my every word, “Now if you’re just going to get in the way I suggest you leave before I have to force you out.”

“Y/N-”

“Don’t test me Jongdae...now get out or stay out of the way just don’t try and stop me.” I said as I turned to walk away.

“Y/N?”

I froze at the sound of that voice. I knew that voice, it was a voice I’ve been dying to hear for the past five months. I turned to look in the direction of where the voice came from, my knees giving out at the sight. I felt Jongdae reach out to catch me in his arms as I looked into the eyes of the man that stole my heart. Not even a few feet away stood Chanyeol, my eyes tearing up at the sight.

-6 Hours Ago; Chanyeol’s P.O.V-

“When do you think he’s going to wake up?”

“I don’t know, there hasn’t been a change in his vitals in the past two months. I’m starting to think he’ll be like this for the rest of his life.”

“Don’t let Y/N hear you Kyungsoo, she’ll have your head for even talking like that.”

Y/N? Where is she?

There was silence before I heard the door opening, the pitter patter of feet across the floor was the only thing that was heard.

“Uncle Kyungsoo...I’m hungry...Uncle Min is busy, I don’t know where Uncle Yi is, and I didn’t like what Uncle Baek made me last time.”

At the sound of his voice I felt my eyes twitch as I went to open them but I was unsuccessful in doing so. I went to open them again but nothing happened. I needed to see that he was there and I wasn’t just imagining his voice. I vaguely heard Kyungsoo say to Junmyeon to stay in the room with me and a let’s go to Jihyun as they left. I let out a soft groan, barely audible as I concentrated all my energy into opening at least one eye. I managed to get it open but by only a hair. I clenched my jaw tightly and tried again, this time opening them wider, seeing Junmyeon standing about a foot away, his attention on his phone. I sighed softly before mustering up the rest of the energy I had left and lifted my hand off the bed slowly. I wanted to reach out to grab him, to let him know that I was awake but I was still too weak, my handing falling back onto the bed. Junmyeon must’ve heard the thump, looking up from his phone. I gave him a small smile when our eyes met, Junmyeon dropping his phone from the shock. Without a word he ran to the door, yelling out for Kyungsoo.

“Chan can you hear me?” Junmyeon asked in a soft voice, leaning down towards me so I didn’t have to strain my ears to hear him.

I nodded slowly, reaching out my hand for him, Junmyeon taking it immediately. I could see that he was trying to hold back his tears. I chuckled at seeing the emotions swimming in his eyes, wincing slightly at the pain coming from my chest at the action.

“Don’t strain yourself.” He scolded, his tone still soft.

“What are you yelling-” Kyungsoo started as he walked into the room but cut himself off as his eyes met mine.

He stumble back slightly, his mouth hung open as he was rendered speechless. It took him a few seconds to recompose himself but once he did he wasted no time in calling for the others. He made his way over to my bedside, Junmyeon moving to the side but still kept a strong hold on my hand as Kyungsoo looked down at me in shock. I could see the layer of tears that appeared in his eyes. Before he could say anything the others ran into the room, all of them stopping short as they noticed me...with my eyes open. Slowly, they all made their way over to me, Baekhyun punching my arms softly.

“What the hell took you so long you asshole?”

......

“Where are the others?” I asked, looking around to see that there were four people missing, Y/N included.

Seeing as she wasn’t here I started panicking, thinking that she never made it off the damned bed. My heart rate spiked at the mere thought.

“Chanyeol calm down, Y/N’s fine. She woke up three days later.” Baekhyun explained, worried at the loud beeping coming from the heart monitor I was hooked up to.

“Then where is she?” I asked, getting more agitated by the second.

“She...she’s trying to hunt Jiho down.”

“What?!” I yelled, groaning at the slight pan I felt as I was already pushing myself too much.

“Chanyeol we tried to stop her but you know how she is, she even more stubborn than you are.” Yixing said.

“All we could do was send Jongdae, Jongin and Sehun with her. She wouldn’t take no for an answer.” Minseok spoke up from his place at the foot of my bed.

While he was talking I swing my legs over the side of the bed, throwing the blanket off of me. I pulled the IV need out of my hand, throwing it to the side as I went to get up. As soon as I stood up my legs gave out, Junmyeon and Baekhyun barely managing to catch me before I hit the ground.

“You’re out of your fucking mind if you think you’ll be able to get to where she is in this condition.” Kyungsoo said, his face hard as he tried to put the IV back into my hand.

I pushed his hands away but froze as I heard a voice coming from the doorway, “Uncle Baek why are you taking so long?”

He froze at seeing me awake but that didn’t last long before a huge grin spread across his face, “Oh? The man with the big ears is awake.”

I could feel my eyes well up in tears at seeing that he was perfectly fine with my own two eyes. I reached out to him, beckoning him over.

“Jihyun…” I all but whispered his name out.

As soona s he was within arm’s reach I pulled him into a tight hug, burying me nose into the top of his head. I felt the tears sliding down my cheeks before I even knew what was happening. I let out a small laugh of relief at finally being able to hold him in my arms.

“I can’t...breathe…”

I let him go immediately at hearing that, holding him at arm’s length only to see a huge grin on his face, “Is it true you’re my dad?”

I froze at the question, the others not knowing what to do at the sudden question. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out, instead I just closed it again.

“Mommy told me that you were my dad...is that true?” He asked with a tilt of his head.

I let a grin overtake my features at knowing that it was Y/N that told him and it wasn’t the others that let the fact slip. This meant that she was ready to accept me, to let me be the father I’ve always dreamt of being, of the father I should’ve been from the start. I nodded to answer his question, my tears falling at a quicker rate hen he flung his little arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. I hugged him back just as tight, placing a lingering kiss on his temple, looking around to see the other staring at us with giant grins on their faces.

“Where did you say Y/N was?” I asked them, not letting go of Jihyun, “ I need to see her.”

-Present Time; Y/N’s P.O.V-

I slowly pushed myself away from Jongdae, taking wobbly steps over to where Chanyeol stood. I stood directly in front of him, reaching over to cup his face in my hands, the tears flowing down my face.

“You’re--you’re awake…? Since when?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

Chanyeol smiled softly, bring his hands up to grab at my own, “A few hours.”

At hearing his voice again I choked on a sob, throwing my arms around him as I clung to his frame. Chanyeol hugged me back just as tightly, burying his head in the crook of my neck. I felt the relief of seeing him away and talking wash over my entire being, my body shaking as a sob wracked through my body. The man, along with the other three in the room were long forgotten, my sole focus on Chanyeol.

“I-I thought I lost you...again.” I sobbed out, fisting his shirt in my hands tightly and pulling him even closer.

“I’m right here...I’m not going anywhere, not this time.” He said, his voice full of emotion.

I pulled back to look into his eyes, slapping his chest lightly, “Don’t scare me like that ever again or I swear I’ll bring you back and kill you myself.”

He chuckled softly at that, nodding before he leaned in to plant a kiss on my forehead, “I promise I’ll never put you through that ever again. I’m done with this life, I want to be the father and partner Jihyun and you need...that is if you’ll have me…?”

I grinned through my tears at his words, grabbing onto his collar and pulling him in for a kiss. I felt him smile against my lips before he deepened the kiss, our lips moving in sync. No words were needed, the simple action answer enough.

Tags : @yoopiye @yeollieollie @sweet-honeywood @iconicchankai @baekyeolbeom @girl-obsessed-with-things @syville23

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howsit-going-toend · 7 years

Text

Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down) Pt. 4

A Kwon Jiyong x Reader AU series featuring Kim Jiwon and Choi Seunghyun

Genre: Crime/Mafia/ANGST

Word count: 2,200+

Summary: You joined the police force years ago to help clean up the streets of Seoul and rid the city of organized crime. You’ve seen some shit. You’re surely prepared for anything…but how are you supposed to feel when the big bad crime boss you’ve been after turns out to be a familiar (to say the least) face?

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

(A/N: I’m going to be starting a tag list for this series soon so let me know if you would be interested in being a part of it! Also, I went back to the other parts and switched some gifs around so I apologize if this creates confusion in any way.)

“I’d never let anyone hurt you.”

“Huh? Ji, did you say something?” Your words slurred together in one big mumble, as your body that had been awoken by nightmares, yet again, began to succumb to sleep’s warm embrace.

Jiyong, who had remained kneeling by your bed, watching over you closely, repeated his words with a soft voice. “I said I would never let anyone hurt you.”

You smiled and attempted to open your eyes, but it was no use. Instead you gently squeezed his hand, whose fingers had been interlocked with yours since the moment he snuck into your bedroom. “I know.” You murmured.

You felt his other hand find its way to the top of your head and delicately run his fingertips through your hair. You didn’t need to open your eyes and see into the darkness to know that he was smiling.

“Go to sleep, Y/N. You’re safe now.”

Beep…..Beep…..Beep….

Your eyes fluttered open, allowing the brightness of the room to flood your vision. You squeezed them shut in response as they attempted to adjust to the harsh lighting. Your mind was a large clouded blur, mimicking a morning hangover. As your pupils were brought back to size, and the rest of you began to fully regain consciousness, you realized you were looking up at ceiling tiles.

It felt as though rust was scraping off the muscles in your neck as you slowly turned your head to examine an object in your left periphery; an IV pole with a pump attached. You blinked a few times, staring at the clear liquid slowly dripping down to a fluid line, noticing it was in near perfect cadence with that beeping sound.

Beep….Drip….Beep….Drip….Beep….

And then it all hit you.

Your eyes widened. You forced yourself to sit up, doing your best to ignore the borderline arthritis radiating from your joints. As you looked down, you were met with the diamond pattern of a gown that hugged your body loosely. A pain shot up your left arm when you tried to lift it, making you notice the fluid line traveling from the IV pole actually ended inside your sleeve. You looked around frantically and saw nothing but an empty, off white, hospital room.

The beeping sound got faster. Your breathing was near hyperventilation. No. No. This can’t be real. Last night didn’t happen. It couldn’t have. He wasn’t there. He-

Just as you reached for the edge of the blanket that covered the rest of you, the door slid open. You held your breath as a female nurse walked in nonchalantly.

“Oh, Miss, you’re awake! This is such great news. I’ll tell your doctor right away. How are you feeling?” Her bright and cheery voice only further aggravated your anxiety.

“Where a-..” You cleared your throat. “Where am I?”

“You’re in Asan Medical, Miss.”

Fuck. You were far from home. Stay calm, Y/N, stay calm. “What… happened to me?”

Her bright smile faltered slightly. “Let me go get your doctor so he can better expl-…”

“No. Please just tell me something.” You pleaded after she took a step for the door.

She sighed and nodded her head. “You were shot, Miss.”

Your mouth hung open as tears immediately flooded your eyes. It was all true. Everything you were afraid of had actually happened. Your chest began to heave as the feeling of panic slowly took over you. You looked down at your right leg hidden underneath the blanket and felt the lump in your throat grow larger. You wasted no more time in throwing the material to the side.

The sight below it was enough to throw you over the edge.

Your leg was propped up on a small stack of rolled up blankets. It was thoroughly bandaged from above your knee, to your foot, that was wrapped up in a near flexing position. The area of skin outside of the dressing just near your thigh had small remnants of dried blood. You attempted to lift the leg, but you felt nothing.

“Why can’t I feel my leg? Why can’t I move it!?”

“You’ve been administered pain killers and local sedatives for some time now. It is only temporary. I’m going to alert your doctor, Miss, don’t you worry. I will be right back.” She made a hasty break for the door. It felt like an eternity had passed before she returned with a man in a white coat.

“Mrs. Kim, I’m glad to see you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“Doctor, please for the love of God tell me what happened.” You begged through the tears that had started to fall down your cheeks. He stood by the front of your bed and spent the next few minutes calmly explaining how the night had ended.

You were rushed to this hospital in an ambulance after your teammates called. They quickly assessed your wound and determined you had severe blood loss and required emergency surgery. They found that the bullets had fractured your tibia but any and all remnants of metal were successfully removed without further damage. Though your blood loss was significant, he said you were extremely lucky to not have been hit near any major arteries. When you asked him how long you’d been asleep he said roughly 48 hours; he’d proposed your body was in shock…from the loss of blood.

After he’d left to go check on other patients, you took a minute to take a deep breath and wipe your tears.

“Everything will be ok, Miss. Your husband should be back soon.”

You turned to the nurse with raised eyebrows. “He’s been here? Where is he now?” You could only imagine the level of worry and stress that Jiwon must have dealt with during this entire ordeal.

“He was here the night you were brought in. He’s only left to get food or changes of clothes from your home. He told me he was just stepping out to get breakfast right before you woke up.” She replied with a warm smile. “He left all of those for you.” She gestured to the table to your far right. You hadn’t even noticed the four bouquets of flowers that had been sitting there. You smiled as a warmth grew in your chest.

But it was only temporary, before your mind flashed back to that night. “I, uh…I didn’t…say anything when I was unconscious, did I?”

The nurse frowned as she thought back. “Hmm…the only thing I can remember hearing you say was ‘Ji….J-Ji….Ji…’” You frowned at her impersonation of your voice as your cheeks reddened. “So I think you might have been trying to say your husband’s name or something like that.” She smiled brightly again.

A shiver ran down your spine. “Yeah…probably.” You forced a chuckle. “Can you, uh…can you, just, be sure not to mention that to him? To my husband?”

She looked at you with a confused expression. “Yes, Miss. Of course.”

You didn’t take your eyes off the clock. All you could do was work on steadying your breathing while you fidgeted with your fingers, anxiously awaiting Jiwon’s return. After fifteen minutes had passed, you heard the sound of the door sliding open again.

Your heart did a back flip as he walked in.

You admired his appearance as he politely shut the door before actually looking into the room. He wore a grey knitted long sleeve with dark blue jeans and black Nikes. He could have been wearing absolutely anything and you’d still be certain he’d never looked better. He walked in, looking for the trash can so he could throw away the paper cup still in his hand from the food court. As he went to walk past your bed to get there, he turned to look at you once, assuming your sleeping state hadn’t changed. He immediately did a double take when his eyes met yours.

“Hey you.” You offered with a weak voice and a warm smile.

“Oh thank fucking God.” He exclaimed. He was by your side in milliseconds.

With gentle but urgent hands, he held your face and kissed you. As his lips met yours, you felt your anxiety completely dissolve while tears of happiness and relief rolled down your cheeks. He kissed you as though he had genuinely believed he’d never be able to again.

When he pulled away he left one last peck on your forehead before kneeling by your side and grabbing your left hand in both of his. He squeezed tightly and looked into your eyes. “Baby, don’t cry, it’s ok. It’s ok. You’re safe now.”

His words only made your tears fall harder. You reached your arms out and he instantly pulled you into his. “It’s ok. I’m here.” He whispered. You didn’t even care about the pain in your arm as your IV pushed against his side. You’d never been happier to be alive.

You enjoyed the moment of peace that came with your reunion with Jiwon, but you knew it was only a matter of time before the news of you waking up reached your superiors.

Sure enough, after about an hour and a half together, the nurse came back into your room to deliver the news you’d been dreading.

“I’m sorry to bother you two, but Miss, your superintendent from Jungbu station is here.”

You sighed and looked to Jiwon, who rubbed the back of your hand reassuringly. “It’ll be ok. I’ll be right outside the door if you need anything, ok?” You nodded with a small smile as he kissed the top of your head.

As he got up to leave the room, a low grumbling sound filled its silence. He looked back at you and chuckled. “Do you need me to get you something from the food court, babe?” You blushed and nodded your head as enthusiastically as you could. There’s no way you could say no to that.

After Jiwon left and Superintendent Kim took his place, your nerves skyrocketed.

“I know that you went through a lot that night, Y/N, and I am very sorry for that…but we need to talk about some things.”

You sighed. “I take full responsibility.”

He tilted his head and crossed his arms as he waited for you to continue. “I thought we were prepared for anything. I was wrong and I behaved recklessly in the moment without thinking about what could happen. I made the mistake of running off on my own with no prior knowledge of where he nor any of his men were. It was my fault.”

He nodded his head slightly. “Yes. But there is an issue with your partner not being with you. I was under the impression he could handle a mission like this, but I was wrong.”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “He seemed ready to me. I will talk to him about this when I see him. Let’s not make any sudden decisions. He was the one who rescued me after all.”

He agreed with that. “Well. Your team went over the audio recorded that night and it seems they have almost perfect evidence to work with. They surely can manage to arrest the man who’s responsible for what happened to you.” He gestured to your leg. “But as for G Dragon himself, there still may not be solid enough proof just yet.”

You felt a pang in your chest at the sound of that name. “I see.”

“But, I guess you can just regroup and continue building your profile of him.” He sighed. “Normally I’d have someone else from the station come in and go over this with you but I wanted to do so myself, so let’s start.” He reached into his bag and got out his reading glasses and laptop, readying himself to add whatever you had to say to record.

Your mind was all over the place, but over the next fifteen minutes or so, you worked with your superintendent in forcing your brain to piece every shred of usable information together. You’d avoided any emotional trauma from that night like a minefield. But after you’d finished assembling profiles of each of his men from that night, it was time for you to face everything head on.

“Now. G Dragon.”

You sighed. “Around 177cm. Slim build. Black hair. Clean shaven… Roughly 30 years old.”

You watched his fingers move across the keyboard as you silently debated on telling him what was, in fact, the most important piece of information to build a profile on “G Dragon.” You took a deep breath and closed your eyes, not wanting your boss to see any further weakness from you. When you opened your mouth to speak, you already felt tears welling.

“And his real name is Jiyong…Kwon Jiyong.” Your voice was shaking, despite your best efforts.

He looked up from his laptop, for the first time in ten minutes, to look at you incredulously. “How do you know that? I don’t have any record of his real name being said that night.”

As he said those words to you, you heard the sound of the door sliding. You turned to see Jiwon, who’d walked in with a bag of food in hand and a dead expression on his face. He didn’t take another step; he only stared at you.

You felt a pain in your chest as your heart beat strongly against your ribcage. You’ve never wanted to take your words back as badly as you did when he finally spoke.

“Jiyong…? As in…Jiyong Jiyong?”

#g dragon scenarios #kwon jiyong scenario #bigbang scenarios #g dragon au #kwon jiyong au #bigbang au #kpop scenarios #g dragon fanfiction #kwon jiyong fanfiction #kwon jiyong angst #g dragon angst

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raeyvies · 7 years

Text

“Push and Pull” pt. 6 // VxMC fic (based on day 10)

Surprise double update!! Things better be getting good now right? And yes somewhere in this chapter you’ll start getting love triangle vibes /o/ Remember MC here is “MC Jeon”

By the way, how would you guys feel if I gave MC an actual name? I mean like it’ll still be MC but legit when I write this story, I accidentally write “you” instead of MC cuz well MC isn’t a name xD

I was thinking to choose from these names: Jeon Dayeon, Jeon Jinhee, Jeon Ji-An. Which would you pick?

Pt. 1 // Pt. 2 // Pt. 3 // Pt.4 // Pt.5 // Pt. 6

Length: 3234

Part: 6/?

Pairing: VxMC

Warnings: None

Sorry for any grammatical mistakes ^^;;

“Jaehee…,” MC held her hand out to her, inviting her to sit next to her. Jaehee fought to swallow down her tears–she had always been one to show her feelings in private–but this was not as easy, despite having been fooled once already about Rika’s death. Accepting her invitation, the short haired girl sat next to MC, allowing herself to be comforted. “It must be hard but I'm here for you. I'm here for all of you. I know we just met but I can't thank you all enough for being by my side after all this. I’ll be with you if you need a shoulder to lean on, okay.”

It had been a tough day despite everyone’s efforts to remain optimistic. Jaehee let out her cries even in front of her boss but it really did serve a purpose. Because MC encouraged Jaehee to not hide her pain, Jumin realized that his assistant was more than just his worker and fellow member of the RFA. As he saw how selfless MC was, disregarding her own views on the situation and well, having her own dilemmas, Jumin could not help but think that MC came into their lives as a light. As a new sun. As a balance.

Jihyun had been gone for a while with Saeyoung and MC began to worry if something happened. What if Jihyun hurt himself? Saeyoung would have called without a doubt so maybe they were fine. Maybe they were having a long talk and Saeyoung could have been dropping the bomb (pun totally unintended) on him about Rika.

Too much was happening, and there was much more gloom than MC would like to admit she could handle for one day. She needed some refreshing or maybe a restart to the day, and well, she thought it could start by having a change of clothes.

“What city are we at? So much was happening I didn't notice what hospital this is. Then again it was nighttime and we were airlifted here,” MC said after a period of silence. She was surprised that after all this time it never occurred to her to ask where she was, though, it was normal because her mind with clouded with worries and fears.

“We're in Busan, MC. Inje University Haeundae Hospital,” Jumin answered, after all, he was the one who brought them there. MC was taken aback. She was far from home. At least three to four hours away, and Jumin noticed that, suddenly realizing that no one ever asked where she came from. ”I take it that you’re far from where you live.”

Scratching the back of her head and giving a soft chuckle, MC nodded, “Yeah it's pretty far at least by car. But I guess by train it's maybe an hour or two. I'm from Daejeon actually. I was going to say that maybe I could go with one of you to get a new set of clothes in the meantime.”

What MC did not mention was that she wanted to get rid of the clothes she was wearing because they were Rika’s. Little by little and step by step she wanted to strip herself of the terrible moments of these previous eleven days.

Jaehee volunteered to take MC to a retail store assuming that she could be discharged then and there, however, the nurse who had been monitoring her all this time came in. The nurse told them that she might be discharged at night and asked for Zen and Jaehee to give Jumin and MC privacy. Because Jumin passed as her guardian he was allowed to stay for the moment as the nurse discussed MC’s condition with them.

The nurse went over the medication she would have to take for the next week to help her gain back the nutrients her body was missing, and asked for MC to not strain herself for in the near future to prevent another incident like this one. MC was surprised to know she had anemia but she was aware that it was nothing that she would have to be worried about. Yes she would have to make sure she ate properly and that was nothing of a huge effort to begin with. Of course, it also explained why she was so tired recently.

In the meantime, Jaehee and Zen went out to buy MC a new set of clothes that was much more comfortable, both physically and mentally.

Jumin stayed with MC the entire time and was relieved when she was healthy enough to not need an IV anymore. She had definitely regained color in her skin compared to last night, and she looked so much brighter and stronger. Clearly showing that she was comfortable with him, MC talked more about herself and who she was. She had not gotten the chance to truly show the RFA who she was but she was ecstatic to finally show them one by one. And Jumin continued asking questions as he was intrigued in this girl. He found out that she was only two years younger than him so she was twenty five years old. He finally understood why MC was so mature despite everything she had gone through. It was something he really admired about her. However, knowing that she lived quite a distance away, Jumin dreaded the day that MC would return to her home if she ever decided to. He was about to ask her when she would leave when Jaehee and Zen returned with multiple bags of clothing.

“We have a special delivery for Miss Jeon from the fashion department,” Zen came in announcing as he placed the paper bags on MC’s bed. ”Oh! You don't have the IV anymore! Does that mean you get to leave today?”

She nodded as she looked through the contents in each bag. It was much more than she asked but then again she knew she would be staying for a while to be with Jihyun and she had no interest in returning to her home, and risk being followed by Saeran. Admittedly, she was terrified to go home because she would be alone and vulnerable. “Thank you so much! I'll make sure to pay you two back for this. I think I might relocate here in the next months but in the meantime these clothes are enough. So thanks again. And yes I can leave tonight, I don't know where I'll stay–”

“You'll be staying at my penthouse for now until you can settle down here in the city and adjust to the new cityscape,” Jumin interrupted, though it was not his intention. As MC stated she would consider moving to Busan, Jumin wanted to make sure she stayed but it seemed that he blurted it out instead, catching her off guard. She stuttered in agreement, but MC did not really have much of a choice, and she was not interested in blatantly turning down an offer that was so convenient for her.

On the other hand, Zen was somewhat annoyed with Jumin’s upfront interjection. It had been a miracle that the two had not instigated an argument sooner. “Jumin it's not for you to decide if she actually stays here permanently or where she’s going to live for the moment. You can't control everyone for God’s sake.”

MC rather decided to go ahead and take a shower but sadly there was not one in their room. Leaving the room with a set of clothes in her arms and her cell phone, she asked a nearby nurse where she could take a shower. On her way to the showers which were a decent stroll away, she checked her phone and had received multiple notifications from the same person. Although the ID tag said they came from Ray, it was Saeran.

Her heart dropped. All this time she had been distracted from this entire mess. She had forgotten about that phone call. She had forgotten her nightmares. And MC thought it was over with Rika’s death but there was still Saeran. Her palms began to sweat as she hurried on her way to the shower where she could open up the messages and voicemail in silence. MC could hear her heartbeat in her ears but remained composed.

Her shower came first to ease her tension and mentally prepare herself for whatever messages Saeran had left on her phone. The hot water relaxed her muscles and helped her reach a moment of peace, one that she did not think she needed until now. The clothes that Zen and Jaehee had picked out for MC were right in line with her preferred style. It felt great to wear leggings once again along with a large button up shirt.

She felt like she was in her own skin for once.

Towel wrapped over her hair, drops of water falling onto her brand new shirt, she a took seat on the bench in the bathroom and opened the text messages first.

You're the only person I've ever cared for. You must like me. I like you too.

Thank you for being here with me. I really wanted you to stay longer.

I thought I was being a good boy. I thought I was good enough for you to stay.

Without you I feel like I can't breathe. It's like I'm dying. I don't have a purpose anymore.

MC come back I miss you.

I have nowhere to go anymore MC. My savior has died therefore I am nothing anymore.

I have served my purpose.

I'll come back for you another day. I promise you that.

There were several more messages along those lines. MC wanted to pity him, she really did but that was something she could not do for him anymore. This man was sick and MC could decipher that he was more than just figuratively sick. He was not normal; it was as though he lacked any social interaction and that made him that way. But MC could not forget that he tried to drug her too. She could not forget that she had been essentially imprisoned in that room, only able to leave it when Saeran came for her. She had to think of herself before him even though she was the one mad enough to actually go to him, be blindfolded, and fooled by his lies. MC’s hand was balled up in a fist as she thought of everything that could have happened to her at Mint Eye. What if Saeran had lost his control on her like he had with Jihyun? What if he had refused to let her out of his sight? Where would MC be right now if Jihyun had not sent Saeyoung their coordinates?

No lighthearted possibilities came to mind unfortunately as she could only imagine herself being abused, violated, maybe even brainwashed like Saeran. However, MC could only replace those thoughts with memories of Jihyun’s cries through the phone; they were haunting her, so she let out a heavy sigh, closing her eyes and letting the memory play once again. There was no use in fighting it.

We should’ve escaped at the first chance we got, Jihyun. That didn't have to happen to you, MC mentally cried. Later on when Jihyun would fully recover, she was sure to ask him who Saeran was, or at least when the moment seemed appropriate. He seemed to know a lot more about him than even Saeyoung knew. MC felt that she needed some closure before moving on. After all, there would only remain questions for the rest of her life and it would haunt her then.

Shaking her head, she tried to stop thinking about Jihyun and Saeran that night, and listened in to the voicemail he had left.

“The weather was nice today so I wanted to talk to you. But looks like you're not picking up the phone. What a shame.. Listen, to be honest, when you were in that room MC, those were the happiest days of my life. Having you so close I mean. You never showed a spot of betrayal. Dammit it was because of Jihyun that you're not here. I won't ever forget how you trusted me and waited for me. I won't forget your voice. I miss you a lot. I know I've said it so many times already but in the end we couldn't see each other,” Saeran’s voice gradually became broken and lower, sending chills down MC’s spine. This voicemail was causing so much confusion and conflict within her because she knew both sides of him even though Saeran though she only saw the man named Ray. This was beginning to start more like a goodbye than another phone call.

“The last time we met was when I introduced you to the savior right? Now I'll never get to see you. It's all my fault. I dreamed of living happily ever after when this all ended. That won't happen anymore. Though it was brief, I never imagined myself loving someone like I loved you. I wanted to go on a date with you. Hold you hand. Eat ice cream with you. I'm dreaming too big aren't I? I think even now I made you hear how pathetic I am.”

However, his voice completely changed, now sounding sinister and threatening. “But none of this is over, MC. I'll still find my way to you and make these dreams come true. You'll be with me again and we'll live happily ever after. We'll just have to see what the future brings but for now I think this is over. You won't be seeing Ray anymore,” after that, MC heard him cough and growl, struggling with some sort of pain. Once again the voice had changed and it sounded strained and bitter. ”Farewell my dear flower. I hope you’ll remember me like I remembered you.”

The last thing MC heard was the sound of rapid ticking and beeping before the silence was broken by an explosion. As the noise was extremely loud in her ear, she gasped, pulling the phone away quickly. Then the call was voicemail ended with the operator saying in its monotonous voice, “End of voicemail. To listen to this message again press two. To save this message press four.”

Why she decided to save the voicemail was still unknown. Saeran died and MC kept his last words recorded, but what use would she have of it? It seemed however, like the proper thing to do. But that sinister voice rang in her ears. What did he mean that they would see each other again? The man was dead. That would be impossible.

Rika died in an explosion in her apartment. Saeran died in explosion God knows where. The only conclusion MC could reach was that they were destroying evidence of their cult. No one could survive.

And she was an eyewitness of that cult so MC must be evidence of its existence, too.

A few minutes later, MC was able to gather herself after that shocking voicemail. She repeated to herself that she would be fine. That nothing would happen to her. Both Rika and Saeran were dead, and that had to be enough to put the RFA out of harm's way. With those two out of the picture, MC could focus on aiding Jihyun in his recovery. He was her priority for now undoubtedly and her heart ached at the idea of being unable to be by his side. There was no real reason to leave, for now.

Placing her dirty clothes in a bag and removing the towel from her head, MC left the shower room to find herself bumping into Saeyoung and Jihyun. They must have been done with their long walk then. MC assumed that Saeyoung had told him about Rika’s death as the mint haired man had a gloomy expression plastered onto his face. Before the two men noticed that MC was in front of them, they were talking about Saeran.

“...way to get Saeran out of there,” Jihyun was in the midst of explaining to Saeyoung that his brother was alive at Mint Eye. Neither of them must have known what MC knew then. However, why was this to be discussed with Saeyoung? Did he know who Saeran was?

Wait.

Similar names. Almost identical facial features. Different voices however. There was something MC did not know yet and she was beginning to puzzle it together. Saeran and Saeyoung have to be related without a doubt. Maybe it was not the moment to discuss his death with them yet. They already had to mourn the loss of Rika, and MC was not about to hurt them even more.

As the two men finally took note of MC, they immediately cut their conversation. She wanted to say something to them but she did not know what it was, so instead she gave them a small grin and walked by Jihyun’s side.

As Jihyun saw how healthy MC appeared to be, it instantly changed his expression. Despite the previous discussion he had with Saeyoung over Rika and Saeran, seeing MC again gave him the energy that was drawn away from him earlier.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry into your conversation,” MC apologized for intruding in the midst of an important talk. Sadly, it still ate at her that she would have to wait to tell them about Saeran. But how would she tell them? Would she show them the voicemail? Would she just tell them? Would they even believe her?

The three walked together to their room and spent the rest of the day discussing things about the party, occasional moments about Rika, and mostly the RFA was getting to know MC. When night time fell, everyone was asked to leave the room and leave Jihyun to rest.

No one wanted to leave, but MC was the one who wanted to stay the most. Maybe she had grown accustomed to being by his side after all this time. It was a strange feeling to leave him alone now. Just as everyone was leaving, MC stayed could not fight the urge as she ran back to Jihyun to embrace him. He was caught off guard as he almost fell back onto his bed, but he was just as happy to have MC in his arms for one more moment again. She hugged him carefully, aware of his wound that was healing much quicker than expected. Unlike that night out in the mountains, Jihyun returned the embrace and wrapped his arms around her waist.

It felt so much warmer than that night. It was so pure and innocent.

“I’ll be back tomorrow after helping out with cleaning up the party venue,” MC mumbled against his chest. If anything, she wanted to stay there in his arms. It was very clear that her feelings for him were not going to disappear anytime soon. “Take care of yourself please.”

“I’ll be fine, I promise,” Jihyun reassured her as he noticed that Jumin was glaring at him. “You give me so much strength, MC. But please don’t keep Jumin waiting, I think he wants to get home too.”

The two friends knew each other so well. Jumin did not need words to tell Jihyun to be cautious of his actions and choose his moves carefully. And Jihyun was completely aware of Jumin’s warning.

To be continued...

Pt. 1 // Pt. 2 // Pt. 3 // Pt.4 // Pt.5 // Pt. 6

#mystic messenger #mysme #mysme scenario #mystic messenger scenario #mysme angst #mystic messenger angst #mysme fanfic #mystic messenger fanfic #VxMC #Kim jihyun

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