#Its not some toxic romance its abusive and disgusting

[mister-fisch]

Hoping to telepathically make Louigan shippers rethink that choice

[chaifootsteps]

Chai do you think any of the spindlehorse employees find it weird that their boss doesn’t seem to comprehend what Quid Pro Quo even is? Maybe some have expressed it to you, who knows. And needs it explained to her that sexual misconduct in the workplace is bad, not funny, it’s not tragic just for the abuser cause he’s lonely, and isn’t a good basis for a “soulmates” relationship? Did anybody animating Look My Way not have a moment of clarity ‘hey this plot is a little disgusting actually’ ?

Also. Wow. Helluva boss’ “romance” story is actually so toxic that it’s the reason I learned the term for this type of sexual abuse and how to recognise it in the workplace. It’s (unintentionally) told with the type of subtlety Valentino and Angel Dusts story needed. Moments of kindness but also immediate backhanded remarks, power plays, grand romantic gestures mixed with scathing ones and physical boundaries pushed, and just overall confusing behaviour. Like the constant whiplash when stolas appeared in truth seekers. The victim doubting their own memory and his friends saying it’s all in his head.

For others though, younger audiences who love gay ships in any media just for the sake of it being gay, it’s just conditioning them to see it as quirky or the responsibility of the victim to “set the record straight” and negotiate out of sex.

People are actually using it as an example of what coercion is when asked what it is, and many people say it’s taught them how to recognise abuse in their relationship. This is what “stolitz” could have been. A cautionary tale. Stolas and Valentino guilt tripping their employees using various tactics is also educational. Funny enough, if this show gave a damn about its audience that would’ve been a scene in the show, Blitzø convinces himself he’s just in “love” and even with even Millie backing this up, naively finding it cute (being a meta stand in for shippers who don’t really pay attention) Moxxie in discomfort smiles a and says nothing out of fear, and then Loona shows him a info website that even has the term “quid pro quo” in writing for the audience to see and sits down to explain to him he is very much experiencing Stockholm syndrome and abuse. Hell, this crystal thing is just the ‘flowers and chocolates’ part of the abuse cycle.

And I don’t want to go there again but the fact Viv projects onto stolas and Brandon relates to Blitzø a lot when writing him, and the fact Viv shoe horned in that romance in a way he wasn’t in a position to object to since she’s the showrunner? Eerily similar to the characters in universe power dynamic? Yeah that’s a little nightmarish.

Oh lord, remember those days when we all thought that that's exactly where all of this was leading...Blitz being hit with the realization that he is to his employees what Stolas is to him?

Seems like a lifetime ago now.

[ithinkdogshouldvote2]

THE DNDADS TEENS PLAY BG3!!! HOW THEY’RE PLAYING AND WHO THEYRE ROMANCING!

‼️‼️Pretty major spoilers for big parts of Baldurs gate. PLEASE read with caution. ‼️‼️

Scary: she plays a drow wild magic sorcerer. If this is before she and Willy broke their patron pact, then her dream visitor is Willy. If its after that, then its some really hot emo person. In terms of romance, Scary is likely drawn to Astarion after the vampire reveal but is torn between him and Shadowheart. (Also Wyll because hes actually GENUINELY nice to her but sincerity scares her so she doesn’t try to pursue anything with him even though she does actually really like him) she tries to romance the dream visitor (if it's NOT Willy obviously) but is pretty disgusted by the later reveal and later kills them. Scary plays evil until she gets to the nightfall and shadowheart doesnt kill the night song. After that, scary makes an effort for the rest of the game to be better.

Lincoln: Linc is just a normal human guy oath of devotion paladin. He’s literally just playing himself. He makes his dream visitor his dad which makes later scenes REALLY uncomfortable and he gets real-world mad at Marco like it’s somehow his fault. Linc helped minthara take over the grove because he got to the goblin camp before meeting the tieflings and he supports women. (#ally)(also she reminded him of scary and her character) but he massacred an entire people and then didn’t know why everyone was so upset at the party. Anyways he ended up romancing her. He DID NOT romance the dream visitor for obvious reasons. Linc does a FULLY evil run because he listens to women (ally) also hes: "too far in now to be saved anyways."

Normal: norm is a half elf, elf, gnome, dwarf, halfling, dragonborn and gith. He keeps restarting the game when he makes a choice he feels guilty about (Often). it REALLY bothers him that he cant make ALL of his companions approve of ALL of his choices at the same time. Eventually, he settles on a halfling college of valour bard. His dream visitor is (unfortunately) hermie. For romances, like Scary, hes also drawn in my Astarion’s “emo bad boy ness” and normal BELIEVES that he can fix him. He cant. He ascends him because he really just BELIEVES that there’s no way astarion will continue the cycle of abuse. It’ll be different this time for sure. It’s- uh- NOT. (Shocker). Also he romanced the dream visitor and felt guilty about it. Normal plays a good route (with the exception of ascending astarion) and the final party is bittersweet with his partner being the way he is. (Scary hears him talk about what happens to astarion and is FULLY like: “norm thats straight up toxic as fuck. LEAVE HIM” "ITS MY FAULT HES LIKE THIS" "no its NOT norm i am BEGGING you to raise your standards")

Taylor: oh you KNOW hes playing a tiefling. He plays a gloom stalker ranger because now he can actually USE those skills on the road. His dream visitor is his anime waifu. He’s romancing Lae’zel WHICH SOUNDS KIND OF SUPRISING until you realize the conversation went like this: Lizzie: “you’ve earned my respect and more still. You’ve proven your wits and your efficient and dominant. In and out of battle.” Taylor: “heh. It’s about TIME someone recognized what i bring to the group. I truly am the backbone of our party and shes smart for finally recognizing the value of my expertise. A WORTHY PARTNER FOR- (15 more minutes of monologue)” also he romanced the dream visitor and DID NOT feel guilty about it and was in fact, VERY onboard with the later revel. But he does end up turning on them and killing them to free Orpheus. (which he cried about afterwards) Taylor plays a fully good play through and gets the best possible ending.

[gayuu-the-necromancer]

gayuu, I wanted to ask what the toxic aspects are in the relationships of ikemen villains, I ask why that is what they talked about when promoting the game cybird, which are loves that a heroine cannot save, I would like you to emphasize that so that I can distinguish better, since I get most of the information from the comments or translation, by the way, thank you very much for that

TW - I have made reference to serious topics and some major spoilers.

If you look at all Cybird games, they're all about unrealistic forbidden love that always have a happy ending. Like someone said, they develop these games to satisfy various unhinged kinks we players have. For example, no one wants to be in toxic relationship irl, but we all love the idea of being in a toxic relationship or seeing two people going through a toxic relationship just for the drama.

Ikemen villains is, if we exclude the 'romance' aspect, it's an insanely violent game that has scenes of bloody gore, we see people cutting their heads off, their organs getting ripped off, all kinds of trafficking, people getting injected with dangerous types of drug, child abuse, child rape, mental illness etc etc...Ikemen villain is a game about a girl being witness to an assassination committed by a secret organisation under the Queen. For her to not reveal the existence of this organisation to the outside world, she has to stay one month under their supervision so that they can make sure she can keep their secret. And while living with them if she happens to fall in love with one of these male leads a.k.a violent assassins, she can either choose to stay with them forever or forget her love and go back to her normal life. No one is asking her to save them from anything.

All the male leads in this game also has a sad history like any Ikemen game or any otome games. Even though their past has some impact on their current personality, they don't treat Kate (MC) badly. Instead they all want her to have a normal safe life. There has never been the case where Kate is like "Oh, you have a sad past? Don't worry, I will fix you with my love." Instead she more understanding of their trauma.

For example, El is a victim of rape ever since he was a little kid. Because of his beauty, people around him either treat him like an object in a museum or touch him inappropriately without his consent. When Kate met El, she did always think the El was beautiful but she never had any disgusting thoughts. Instead, when she sees people behaving inappropriately around him, she would try and help El so he can feel safe. She constantly reassures him that she won't do anything that would make him uncomfortable. Kate also asks El to call her immediately if anyone tries to approach him or do something inappropriate. There is never a case where Kate was cringy and telling things like "Oh my god...he has a traumatic past! I think I'm in loveee~" and shit.

Another thing that is going on in all Ikemen games recently is dubcons. I don't mind dubcons as long as the characters involved have chemistry and the scenes make sense. But some people don't like this trope at all and deems it unnecessary. In Ikemen villains, there are a lot of these scenes. Even in Alphonse route that is newly released, I only barely touched chapter 10 and I passed through a sex scene. The problem such scenes is that when there are too many sex scenes, its hard to see both the male lead and mc connecting emotionally. I also think a relationship that is build on such kind of foundation is also kinda toxic because outside of having sex....what do they like about each other? But that's okay, because cybird doesn't intend to have toxic relationships that is only build off of sex. They give enough scenes for both the male lead and mc to connect with each other.

All in all it's a pretty good game. Yes, there are unhinged BDSM scenes but like someone said, it's just to satisfy people's kinks.

[bitesizedgummie]

HOLY FUCK AN INTRO POST!!

hi. hihi. its gummie!! here with an intro post!! finally! so here's some info about me

call me gummie, pickle, or....wtv ig idk man

i have names i’ll have u call me if u know me more personally as well! :3

he/they (🏳️‍⚧️❤️) also a femboy oops

aroace...?????

very, VERY mentally ill. i apologize in advance for any strange behavior from my crazy ass

runs the ask blogs @little-guy-little-mouse (ryunosuke), @hearing-a-lot-of-things (athena), and @dolphin-luver (bachira)

i am a minor!! no inappropriate stuff pls :(

feel free to mention me in anything as long as it’s not weird or anything, i don’t mind :3

dni list

proshipper (inc shipping abuser x abused or any similar dynamic [for the romance, not for the toxic aspect]. disgusting fuck you)

racist, ableist, homophobic, transphobic, etc

former school friend i no longer talk to

heluva(?) boss/hazbin hotel fans (idk what’s up w y’all but i heard some of y’all nuts. if ur chill ur fine though)

overly religious (sorgy i have minor trauma regarding religion/religious friends so i don’t wanna risk it)

unnecessary info(+tag directory) has been banished to under the cut

tag directory!

gummierants - random rants or rambles that i manage to spit out

gummiedraws - doodles/art i manage to spit out

gummievents - vents that i usually spit out when i’m a bad mental state and need guidance

gummie watches (game here) - comments about a game im watching (current tags: gummie watches dual destinies, gummie watches blue lock)

gummiepolls - polls i run for sillies! i have this tag so you can check it for any ongoing polls about whatever the fuck :3

fandoms i interact with (not limited to this list, probably forgot a couple) ds = DON'T SPOIL!!! if i include this i am not yet finished/caught up w the series!! pls dont spoil/mention anythign past the specified point unless i specifically ask!!

ace attorney (ds - turnabout academy)

danganronpa

blue lock (ds - s1 ep 13)

rhythm heaven

yuri on ice

parappa the rapper

legend of zelda (ds - just finished botw)

death note (on like. ep 7 but feel free to spoil bc i dont think ill finish it)

mouthwashing

bungo stray dogs (ds - just finished vol 1)

omori (not finished but same for death note i probably wont finish it lmao)

stuff i ship!! i dont push the less popular ones a lot bc im scared ill get like cussed out or something but yea

saioma

irumatsu (miu is growing on me surprisingly.)

komahina

naegami

amaguji

wrightworth

franmaya

asoryuu

klapollo

claypollo (which technically makes me a multishipper! yippee!)

junithena

blackmadhi

viktuuri(? is that how u spell it)

zelink

rockershipping

rap women

lawlight (kinda reconsidering cuz of the age gap..)

nagireo

bachisagi

ryusae

soukoku

ranpoe

shin soukoku

considering gregbadd and manosouta

[ndnaw]

The Problem Of DARK ROMANCE- Love over Lust (Booktoks problem in the books they recommend)

Caution: Spoilers of Mention Books. If this is too much for you to take in; cut and swallow because I am not giving you any water to make it go down easier. I am not taking back what I said. Thank you.

Numerous hot topic books that have an active following along with a high rating; often do not deserve their popularity.

Ultimately, the books that have come to my attention are books that when mentioned will be easily recognizable by most romance readers, as well as those who familiarly visit 'booktok'. Books such as; Punk 57, Icebreaker, Haunting Adeline, and Hunting Adeline. In the upcoming rage of discovery, it seems that SMUT has become the most intriguing genres to people all around.

Now there is nothing fundamentally wrong with SMUT or the writers of such books but at some point, we, as readers and consumers of literature should assess the quality and substance of the books being read. It is questionable and overall absurd that books such as The Price of Honor by Richard Fierce go unnoticed due to the popularity of books that center around sex, sex, sex, and sex. If that is what you are interested in as the world you need to escape into the maybe there is something you need to take up with a psychiatrist.

A book (without fantasy elements), nonetheless, should be able to capture a story that not only takes readers into a world they have never been in to help them to proper experience these situations. As well as, to be able to comfort or bring attention to the lives of either customary or diverse populations. Books such as Charming As A Verb, The Withering, and Love Hypothesis (it has smut but it isn't heavily implicated, I got to know the characters not their genitalia) were able to do these things amazingly, while also maintaining a positive ranking with readers. Which leads me to question the popularity of books like Haunting Adeline and Punk 57; not every book needs to be new and exciting but certain things that would be distasteful and unrealistic should be assessed in reading.

Let's dive into the rationale of Haunting Adeline (I have not read the complete book, I dropped it rather quickly because of the 'message'):

Haunting Adeline, with its premise, could be a unique Thriller story- the romance aspect should definitely be questioned on whether it should be removed. Now if anyone who has read Haunting Adeline AND likes the book, please give your remarks and opinions on the claimed romance. Dark romances can definitely be accepted in CERTAIN situations but there is a line that crosses from ROMANCE BOOKS and into PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER. Most of the actions in Haunting Adeline and Hunting Adeline are beyond diabolical- the female lead has to be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. Haunting Adeline overall essentially has the operation of sex trafficking, this would have been a good place to stop and the DARK in Romance would have already been completed. It would have also been able to offer a story to those who have been sex trafficked, instead of romanticizing and sexualizing a victim of sex trafficking by a mentally unstable male lead. Of course, the disgusting aspect does not stop it from being a good book because ultimately there are women and men who suffer from the effects of Sexual Trafficking and victims who develop Stockholm Syndrome from abusers.

I am unsure on whether the writer themselves had written the book in hopes of communicating the devastating and revolting topics to bring awareness but the conclusion gathered by readers of Booktok have been the opposite. The normalization of PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER as DARK ROMANCE need to be looked into by a professional.

A lot of people may say that the point of dark romance is TRAUMA, TOXIC LOVE, and occasionally ABUSE. That is the essence of it all. Though the problem is DARK ROMANCE varies from PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER. Example A: In Book One, you can get kidnapped because you were in the wrong side of the neighborhood and end up being beaten by a gang member because of this but after seeing that you were a victim and not from the rival gang as they first assumed, they decide to make peace. A lot of things can happen that do not need the female or male lead to mentally submit to the 'love interest'. Aspects such as an arranged marriage in a gang, drug addicts, sadists and masochists, vampires and hunters, even a ghost and a human- that can go so far if put into the hands of a writer who can draw a line between clear one-sided abuse and mistreatment. DARK ROMANCE is not TOXIC LOVE and TRAUMA done by A onto B, that causes B to submit out of fear. It's the push and pull of adrenaline between two people who damage each other or potentially do so, who both find their peace in destroying each other or fixing up the broken pieces. A vampire and a hunter are both out to kill each other, none are trembling out of fear because daddy vampire will hurt them so they just HAVE to sleep with them.

Now PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER; there is nothing morally wrong about reading them. It opens up a door to understanding and possibly a world that you have never been in. (or have, all things considered. I apologize if you have been exposed to situations such as those.) Though, there is something morally wrong with sexualizing the supposed 'romance' in psychological thrillers. It is not 'hot' when you have to cry and plead to your significant other to stop, unless it is under terms of agreement like, sadists and masochists, and even they have limits, I think. (I don't participate in those subjects)

I believe the problem behind Haunting Adeline is the glazing over of real life struggles and readers filling their minds with delusion. It makes me question if anyone who actively supports the relationship between the characters have put themselves in Adeline's shoes. I have seen countless readers or fans of the book, say "He got better." That is wonderful, but did he get better or did she just accept her fate and stop trying to fight back?

At some point you'd stop too if the 6'4, early thirties man, kept telling you he was obsessed with you after assaulted you multiple times on top of the numerous times you were assaulted by other persons.

However if you still believe this book is a DARK ROMANCE and not a PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER, please do see the fact that the consumption, enjoyment from sexualization that you get out of this book, and promoting it as romance other than psychological thriller can be detrimental. As the lines of romantization that readers have created are shocking. Remember this is not just a fictional, hot, steamy book and can very well be someone's reality.

Put yourself in just one of the scenes that you so find hot, if you think you would like it being done onto you, seek professional help or find someone that matches your kinks before you harass someone in the streets. No sane person wants a gun in their body.

Concluding, promote books that have substance to their genre and actually properly portray the topics of the genre. Seek help if you enjoy the 'romance' in the book. If you like the portrayed psychological thriller, that's cool.

NB: If you would like to know the things I found distasteful in the other book listed, please let me know, because there are a few reasons.

NNB: In placing the tags for the note-worthy books below, I found that there was no community/following for the books, though all the questionable ones did. Except for Love Hypothesis cause her gooch bussed open.

[theangrygnomeempress]

I'm tired of toxic men being romanticized.

I'm not going to name characters because

A. This applies to all media (books, video games, movies, comics, TV shows, and music.) I'm calling out the toxic tropes/harmful messages portrayed as a whole. If the shoe fits, it probably does. I'm not writing this with one character in mind. Rather the constant characterization of toxic men bring redeemable and worthy of being romantizied.

B. I don't feel like getting harassed. Some people feel very strongly about their favorite character and that's ok. But it's not ok when people are attacked by fans for trying to look at the character through a media literacy lens. Also people are free to have opinions and hate/dislike a character. I have favorite characters that people hate, are evil, or just vibe with that others don't. As long as we can all be respectful towards the critics and fans, we should be able to create a healthy discussion.

With all that said, I hate the constant romantization of abusive, emotionally distant, dangerous, violent, and assaulting men. It's very common for heterosexual and sometimes gay relationships portrayed in media. It's more common in hetro relationships compared to gay but I rarely see the same kind of troped in media with lesbian relationships. I can think of hundreds problematic Hetero examples, about 10 gay couples, and only a few bad lesbian relationships.

This typically falls on the male love interest. There doesn't seem to be a equivalent rate of toxic portrays on the female love interest.

I'm not against showing toxic relationships as long as they are not romantized. But it seems almost all hot fictional male characters seem to be assholes who have a tragic backstory. From bad boys with daddy issues, to vilians of cosmic proportion, to Mafia bosses, princes, and heirs, everything is a trauma response. He's stalking you? Well he lost his first love so its just him being protective. He's yelling? He grew up in a home where he didn't feel heard. He's hitting you? He didn't mean too, you just annoyed him. He assults you? Oops, you were just so tempting. He couldn't help himself.

As a AFAB person, I find this to be completely horrifying. It's not just in dark romances, it's in all media. These toxic men are constantly being coddled, justified, and protected as "just a fantasy". Well, these fantasies contribute to rape culture, victim blaming, and the normalization of abuse.

When we criticize male authors writing women in a harmful few of the male gaze, it's because we recognize that when young men see women constantly portrayed as submissive, weak, sexual conquests, and in conforming to misogynistic ideals, we understand that this will influence how these young men will treat their future female peers, girlfriends, and wives.

We recognize the constant sexist and sexual objecification of women harms women because it reinforces harmful messages to men about how a woman should act and what to expect when a woman acts out of line.

So why as soon as someone points out how toxic a male character is, it's met with disgust, accusations of being a incell, and anti feminist? Especially when it's a booktok love interest, many object that it's sexist to critize women loved media.

Women deserve to have healthy relationships! Bob and Linda from Bob's Burgers. Philp and Claire from Modern Family. Jake and Amy from Brooklyn 99. Why can't we push push these types of relationships more? Where we show how healthy people resolve conflict, how love is supposed to be supported, and especially let's show how men should respect women in relationships.

Young Women viewing these "dark romances" will internalize these harmful messages and this will affect their relationships. If it's normal for most romances to portray men as violent, aggressive, and disrespectful, then young women will accept this as a norm. It harms the plight of women as these stories continue to reinforce harmful misogynistic messages. Women deserve better.

[simply-ellas-stuff]

I have thoughts.

The thing with Daemon and Rhaenyra is that we know how it ends.

We know where They specifically are going in their storyline.

So I feel like a lot of people are mixing up where they are now in the story for HOT D. Fire and Blood and House of the Dragon are two very different forms of media telling the same story - parallel universes if you will.

In the after-episodes we learnt that Daemon does genuinely love his family. [I still think that Otto's telling of the Heir for A Day brothel scene was skewed and told only from Otto's twisted story] He genuinely cares about Viserys and only wants his love and he does Genuinely love Rhaenyra.

But he's jealous. He's chaotic. He's temperamental. He puts on an act of being careless and giving no fucks. He's desperate for attention even if it's negative.

What he did to Rhaenyra from her perspective is romantic because she's very obviously got a thing for Daemon. But From Daemon's it's manipulative. They say in the after show it is abuse. He knows its wrong. But he's doing it because he wants the attention from Viserys. Its a form of revenge for banishing him in the first place and not helping with the Step Stones war.

He wants to marry Rhaenyra, yes because he does love her but Also because he wants the power of being married to the (future) Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. The two are not mutually exclusive.

And technically, the political play of combining Daemon and Rhaenyra's claims would actually be smart. It'd strengthen Rhaenyra's claim, halve the betting on whose going to sit the throne by removing a claim, and maybe even end the debates for Aegon given that he's a child but Daemon and Rhaenyra are both grown - and have dragons.

Daemon's love for Rhaenyra as of this moment in the show is exceptionally toxic. He loves her, but he uses her. He loves her, but she's his pawn. He loves her, but he's jealous of her. He loves her, but she's his rival. He loves her, but he abuses her.

Daemon is basically the perfect toxic 'Dark Romance' trope wearing Matt Smith's face. But that doesn't make him good and that doesn't make it okay what he did.

Rhaenyra's basically totally uninformed and uneducated when it comes to the freedom of being a woman, having sex, and doing whatever the fuck you want whenever the fuck you want. Sex for her is a duty and a death sentence, as she tells Daemon. and Daemon used that against her.

Do I think he stopped because he realized it was wrong? Yes.

Do I think he stopped because he loves Rhaenyra too much to hurt her like that? Yes.

Do I think that Daemon feels guilty? No.

Do I think Daemon feels remorse? No.

Do I think he'll take this and become a better person? No.

No one in HOTD has morals. Everyone is a grey character. And everyone at some point is going to do something we hate. It's not a good thing.

If you got excited because the scene was really sexy thanks to the way the actors play it and its a look at the chemistry and passion between them, good for you. If you found it disgusting for more than one reason, good for you. This isn't a story where the morally high grounded will end well.

This isn't a story where you can look at it and say "This person is the bad guy, this person is the good guy" however you are allowed to critically think about the story and look at the characters in the abstract. But in doing so, if someone so choses to ignore their morals for an hour long episode and a freak-out-lengths tumblr post, you do not have the right to shit on them for it.

The person Daemon is and the person Rhaenyra is are not the people they will be in the future. Daemon manipulating Rhaenyra in the last episode is absolutely fucked. Rhaenyra's choices in the future are her choices.

We're just starting to watch this unfold, so if you so wish to talk it critically - do it. If you want to abandon your morals and just enjoy that Milly Alcock is hot as fuck - do it.

But they are not at the end of their story yet, they are not the people we know they become.

[speakingwhentheworldsleeps]

“Love is a choice” was a horrible, toxic, ugly, oppressive phrase of my Christian faith, & I see it so often spoken outside of it & at some point I’ll write something bigger about this but for now, I wanted to talk about this phrase a little bit.

In my Christian faith, “love is a choice” was the reason for saying that gay people should stop being gay. It was the reason for telling women in abusive relationships that they should stay. And it was the reason for telling people to never, ever divorce.

My Christian faith said that love could exist entirely separate from emotions. It could be so delinked, that you could literally feel nothing for the person in front of you, or even outright feel hatred & disgust, but you could love them, because you could simply choose to.

They said that our high divorce rates happened because people got bored, or left as soon as the initial infatuation wore off, as soon as they had to do the work of love. They assumed that every instance of divorce involved people who were lazy or selfish.

I don’t know if other people need to be reminded that love is more than feelings of attraction or romance, because I never got those messages & I was never allowed to believe in them. I have always been told that love is a choice, a choice you make regardless of whether you’re attracted to the person, or they hurt you, or they make you feel like shit.

So much of “love is a choice,” even outside of the Christian meaning of this phrase, seems built on top of the idea that love is a thing that is never allowed to end. That its ending is a failing, because everyone everywhere could make any love work, since it’s a choice. And that still feels like it’s borrowing from that very Christian mindset.

Sure, love is more than infatuation. Sure, it requires a commitment, and a commitment is a choice. But it’s held together by so much more than just the decision to hold it together. Especially when the longevity of a relationship says nothing about the love contained within it.

[incrackandwhite]

u guys romanticise toxic relationships. look at manacled. it has such an abusive relationship that made me violently sick and its author marketed it as a "dark romance". disgusting. like that could ever be romance. it's so fucked up. the author's fucked. the people who enjoy it are fucked. your whole fandom is fucked up.

As someone who’s never read manacled, I could have deleted this off my inbox. But because I’m a spiteful, petty person who wants to screw you over, I decided to go read as many reviews, excerpts, and articles I could find about manacled.

What do you think “romance” means? The Notebook-style kissing in the rain? To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before?

Shockingly, that isn’t all what romance is. Romance is basically love, and there are many different kinds of love—not all of it is good and wholesome. Books about the complex natures of love and human nature and psyche don’t have to meet your standards of wholesomeness in order for them to be classified as romance.

Manacled is marketed as a dark romance, because it is a dark romance. It has the word “dark” right in front of it, and it is not senlinyu’s problem that you decided to ignore the word dark and focus on the romance bit.

Again, it is marketed as a DARK romance. DARK. DARK. You see the word? That means that the romance featured is neither romanticised nor one the author would support irl.

But, okay, let’s pretend that we never heard about the dark romance. Let’s just say we read the fic, and now we’re trying to understand if the relationship is really romanticised. From what I’ve gathered, Draco and Hermione have a very unhealthy codependent relationship, where one cannot exist without the other. One is a cold-blooded killer, one is someone who the other person has been sworn to kill.

Nowhere has it ever been portrayed like this a good thing. Nowhere has the author ever conveyed the message “hey this is a fun relationship, everyone should strive for this.” Nowhere has it ever been stated that this kind of dynamic is, in any way, healthy.

Senlinyu is not fucked up for writing Manacled. And, yes, some of the audience seems to have grasped a completely different point and like to gush about High Reeve Draco and his and Hermione’s relationship, but, again, that is just not senlinyu’s fucking problem, because it is not her fault how some of the readers interpret her words. People who enjoy her writing and the plot and storylines are not fucked up.

“it has such an abusive relationship that made me violently sick”. THIS. This made me SO angry, I just cannot express in words how mad I am.

You had a severe physical or mental relationship to the violence in Manacled. Okay, maybe you didn’t know you would react that way before, and you skipped past the trigger warnings on AO3 (Jesus Christ though, THOSE EXIST FOR A REASON. READ THEM). Somewhere in the fic, you got sick. And……you continued reading? For some unknown reason? And now you’re…….blaming the author? For writing it.

Again, I think we need a little perspective on this because I just cannot tell you how fucking idiotic you sound.

You see a container labelled “POISON—don’t drink”. You think “hey, maybe I won’t have a reaction to this”, and you take a few sips. You start feeling nauseous. Instead of stopping, you continue drinking, and finish the bottle. Now you’re extremely sick, and instead of blaming yourself for drinking something labelled poison, you’re blaming the manufacturers of the poison for…….making it.

Do you realise how ridiculous you sound, blaming an author for writing a fic you shouldn’t have read?

(@senlinyu I’m sorry you have to deal with idiots like these.)

[help-im-a-gay-fish]

Round And Round Till We All Fall Down

Studio Nightkiller story. Part 3.

Part 2,

Part 1

Next

In a way a follow up to KillerNight(s) however you don’t need to read KillerNight(s) to read this one.

Synopsis: Nightmare and Killer’s relationship has been going round and round for years. With feelings becoming undeniable, will they fall together or, as always, fall apart? This is again before Ccino has entered their lives.

P3: after a truly chaotic confession, Nightmare and Killer are finally together. However, it wouldn’t all be smooth sailing. After it ended, Killer looks back on the highs and lows...

Warning, contains some mature themes

Credits

Studio verse by @zu-is-here

Based off of headcannons both me and @jann-the-bean came up with, thank you so much for all your help Jan.

Original nightmare by jokublog

Original killer belongs to rahafwabas

Killer had been walking away from Nightmare's flat with such frustration, that he didn't even stop to see where he was going. Other then making sure to avoid the road, and the back alleys peppered with muggers, it didn’t really matter where he ended up. It was a big city, there were many places to go, yet it almost seemed completely alien to him in that moment. It just didn't matter...

All Killer knew was that he wanted to get away from him.

Killer was used to verbal abuse. Killer was used to verbal abuse from Nightmare. But right now Killer was cut to the core.

After a long time of walking he finally stopped, finding himself unable to go further. The glass screen of the smashed phone cut his hand, as he tense his fingers and he looked down at it. The small amount of marrow running from his palm, was no concern of his. He could hardly feel it.

"......"

Of course Night would do something like that, the arrogant bastard often acted like a child when he didn’t get his way.

Slipping the trashed electronic from his hand into his pocket, he sighed bitterly.

He lent his back against the nearest wall and pulled a slightly crushed box of cigarettes from his jacket pocket. It had been months since the last, but he could forgive himself this time. It wouldn’t be the last one he’d probably smoke today.

He lit it up and took a long deep breath in, letting the toxic smoke fill him. Fill every, nook and cranny and drenching his bones in much needed warmth. The taste was disgusting, but it gave him a sense of calm. 

He'd breathed out, casting a cloud of smoke above his head. He watched as the shape twisted and flowed above his head before disappearing. There was something strangely beautiful about it, in its own way. 

Much better......

For a moment he was able to draw his thoughts into a coherent line and it stung.

"I know I messed up.... But how could he..." 

Nightmare had never been one to shy from insults. He’d been spouting, what most would consider cruel words, daily. So much so that it was something that ran off Killer’s bones like water droplets.

But how did they end up like this?

Things had started off so good. They had so much going for them, everyone had said so. so...why?

If he'd been asked at the time, Killer would have said he liked being in a normal relationship for once.

There was something fulfilling about having something more stable in your life and Killer had to admit he enjoyed treating is boyfriend too romance. 

Giving him roses, buying him balloons and leaving flower petals in a path leading to the bed. All these little things easily flustered Nightmare and Killer loved to see the purple hue on his cheeks each time.

Nightmare on the other hand, had been on cloud 9 in a sense. He may not have shown a lot of his happiness outwardly, but he definitely felt it on the inside.

A boyfriend, finally. It wasn't just Dream anymore. They could actually spend time with each other, without Nightmare feeling angry at the idea of his brother’s lover, for the most part anyway.

It was truly better then he’d been hoping, when it came to finally date the ex-playboy. Sleepover’s had become an almost nightly occurrence, and of course caused both of them plenty of enjoyment. But it wasn’t just in the physical way any more. Just the morning spent waking up in each other’s beds in a close embrace, were enough to make Night’s heart flutter. He certainty didn’t miss sleeping alone, that was for sure.

His boyfriend still irritated the purple eyed skeleton to no end, but it was all worth it for the good stuff. Nightmare had always known that Killer was a charmer, but he hadn’t realised how much until that point. Killer was definitely a romantic when he wanted to be, that was clear, and Nightmare liked this side of him. 

Nighty was a lot less tease, and had been more open to spending time outside in the city. Killer had truly loved to see him more relaxed. Introducing him more to his world had been all over the place. Nightmare had hated clubs, and despised the strong smell of cigarettes in some of Killer’s favourite bars. But Killer had greatly enjoyed the sight of Nightmare drunkenly singing karaoke, and had really really enjoyed sending the video of him to Dream and Cross.

However, his absolute favourite memory of that time had been sharing a kiss from the outdoor viewing platform of a tall sky scraper. They had been standing at the railing and the two had just been drawn together.

The kiss had been lacking all the lust and frustration they normally had. Instead, it had been warm and fulfilling. At least it had been until the high wind had blown off the hat Night had been wearing, and blown it over the side. Killer’s hysterical laughter, and Nightmare yelling at him for it, had definitely killed the mood. But Killer had still counted it as an amazing kiss at the time. 

Though it felt a lot less so looking back on it now. 

News of their relationship had spread fast in the media. Every tabloid, every pop up news article, every interview. Constant messages from fans saying "I knew it!". So many different congratulations, and of course the paparazzi chasing them everywhere they went.

Killer grimaced, as he breathed out another cloud of smoke.

He wondered what the fans would have to say about this. It would be all over the news in no time, no matter how well either of them tried to hide it. The rumours where sure to start within a week and the outrage after the truth would shared was going to be a huge headache. Perhaps the fans would pick sides.... 

What about Cross and Dream?

"....."

The last thing killer wanted was to cause any further problems in Cross' relationship. Dragging him down along side him wouldn’t have made him feel better in the slightest. 

Then again, Cross hadn't said a word to him in a long time. The two hadn’t spoken since their last chat a few days ago...so it seemed Cross had already picked a side. 

No doubt that Lil Light would be upset by this, and Killer's relationship with Dream was unstable as is. Perhaps Dream was keeping them apart...maybe it was Cross’ choice.

Cross had always made relationships look so easy, even the fights looked easy. Maybe asking Cross for advice in the coffee shop, those mouths back, had been the stupid idea. He should have known Cross was biased now that he spent half the day as a love sick puppy and would tell him to ‘follow his heart’ and all that crap.

Then again Killer couldn't blame him, Dream was a very attractive man for many reasons. In another life Killer was sure he'd have found a way to get with him. 

"j-j-just.... He.... Everyone always wants him!"

"No matter w-what I do!! ......I'm just.. Dream's brother.." 

"......" 

"Nightmare..... Look at me" 

"......" 

"no matter what happens between us.... Dream and I will never be anything more then friends.... And probably not even that" 

"...." 

"you’re the only twin I want" 

Killer scoffed, he was a fool when he made that promise and he was fool now.  

Dream was a babe, anyone could see that. Long legs, pretty eyes, soft voice. No wonder Cross was such a sap. 

Perhaps he'd picked the wrong twin that time long back.... Because he may not know too much about the golden eyed one, but he was certain that he'd never treat him like Nightmare did. 

The relationship had been so good.... But Killer couldn't understand why Nightmare ruined it. It had all started in the second month. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer had been starting to settle into the idea of a potentially long term relationship. 

He’d called off his arrangements with other men, and erased all the photos in his private catalogue. It was a bit strange to do so, almost like erasing a part of his life all together. But it was what people in a committed relationship did right? And its not like there was no eye candy in the streets, even if not on his phone anymore. It was just an easy and simple change...at least that’s what he’d thought.

But oh no.... 

That had clearly not been good enough.

It had started on an normal night. 

A night where Killer had met Nightmare after his rehearsal and presented him with a large bunch of red roses. An action that caused a blush to spread all the way to Nightmare's shoulders, and he was just thankful that no one else had seen it. 

The prideful skeleton had taken them and tried to hide his face behind them, not wanting to give Killer the satisfaction of his flushed face. They were the deepest, most enchanting red, yet their thorns where still attached. They were beautiful...and sooo embarrassing. 

"what's all this..... You just trying to get in my trousers?" 

With a chuckle, the dark-eyed skeleton swept his hand behind his companion and placed it on his back. 

"oh Nightingale.... would I do a thing like that?" he purred, flashing a cheeky grin that heated Night to the core.

"I just wanna spoil my pretty little boy~" 

For that, Killer got a bunch of roses shoved in his face. 

"ahgrr.. Killer you're so.." 

"romantic?" the tall skeleton said, plucking a rose and putting it between his teeth. 

Nightmare's blush deepened. 

"idiot...." 

Killer simply hummed and removed the flower from his teeth, but the smile never left his face, showing his much more playful mood.

He tutted and pretended to think. 

"hmmm I suppose I should tried harder... Perhaps sing and ballad or recite sonnet..." 

"don't you dar-

" oh fair Nightmare, shall I compare thee to a summers Night? Tho art more lovely and colder and moody"

"shut upppp!" nightmare said, shoving Killer with his free arm. Though try as he might, Nightmare couldn't hide his smile and he laughed.

His rare laughter made Killer's soul thump for a second and a light blush formed on his face. He smiled too. 

Night had been working a lot recently, so it was really good to see him relaxed.

"now... May I take you out for dinner, Fair Moonpie?" he asked, offering his arm to Nightmare.

The purple eyed skeleton sighed and hooked his arm with Killer's. 

"sounds lovely" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The restaurant was quite lovely. A high end French place which was designed to kill a bank account. Being actors with growing success, Night and Killer could have afforded to eat here every day if they so wished, but it was un common that Nightmare ever had a dinner companion, when he dined in places like this.

Killer much preferred cheep and messy fast food meals and pub grub. Not to mention the many ready meals and packet food's around his kitchen.

Killer's cats however, ate a diet of only the finest cuts of fish and other meats. If he fed them canned food, it was always the top of the range brand and he would never settle for less.

His boyfriend's love for cats had only been enhanced by the addition of Cheese, the new squashed ginger thing, who had made it his mission to interrupt them every time they were in bed together. Nothing was worse then when Killer was finally giving him the touches that he craved, then when a light mewing was heard. 

Killer always paused for them, and he knew that Killer loved how mad Night got when he did.

At lest tonight Killer was treating him and paying him his full attention. Perhaps he could convince him to come to his place and the two of them would finally get some private time...

“you good Moonpie?” asked his dinner companion, from across the table, and it was at that moment Nightmare realised he’d been staring slightly.

“oh...yeah...fine” he muttered, his eyes looking back at his menu. But it wasn’t long till he found himself looking at Killer again.. and then at Killer’s mouth.

“You can kiss me...if you want” He said, setting his menu to the side.

“oh, does his lord permit me to do such an act?” Killer snarked, sniggering like a school boy.

It was embarrassing how quickly it made purple heat colour Night’s cheeks.

“forget it!” he snapped.

Killer chuckled, as Nightmare hissed under his breath.

“Oh no...you cant take back your offer” he said, taking hold of Night’s cheek and pulling him over the table till their mouths met.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The food at this place, was simply delicious. It actually took quite a while for Nightmare to choose what it wanted. In the end it went with Bouillabaisse with a starter of Concombre a la Menthe. 

Killer on the other hand spent about 10 minutes trying to figure out which dish would be the most filling for the price. It often irritated Nightmare when Killer completely missed the point of fine dinning...especially when he complained about portion sizes. He even had a habit of joking that the chef was cheap and trying to stave him, which often made his boyfriend mortified.

Sometimes Night just felt like ordering for him, it really wasn’t that hard to choose something to eat! His boyfriend’s lack of class...was frustrating.

But it was just a part of Killer, and it was something he was going to need to get used to...

In the end Killer finally made a selection, and ordered a bottle of wine for the table. The sly way he’d winked at Nightmare as he said “and one of your finest wines as a treat for my handsome boyfriend~” had drawn a slight smile out of him for a second, before his blush took it’s place.

Dam Killer and his stupid charming face....

it was wonderful to be with him. 

Killer loved to take Night out on dates like this and he’d been trying to get more used to the things he liked. Fancy cooking wasn’t really his thing and plays and opera were very boring to him. Going to art shows and museums made him want to sleep, but he was getting used to it. He just liked making Moonpie happy and that’s what was important.

It wasn't long after the starters arrived, that a pare of young women approached the table. The 2 looked bashful and a little nervous, holding napkins in their hands sheepishly.

"um... Excuse me.." the first one said, swallowing nervously, as the two skeletons looked up.

 "are you Killer Fwabas?"

The dark eyed skeleton leaned back in his seat with a smile spreading across his face..

"the one and only sweet heart"

He'd gestured to nightmare. "and my handsome companion-

" Nightmare Oku!" piped up one the second girl in the back.

Nightmare groaned and put his hand over his face. 

" I'm not here "

He hated this part of his job. He came here to have a meal with his boyfriend, not be stared at like a zoo animal. Unfortunately for him, it seemed like Killer was going to indulge them, rather then turning them away. It frustrated him mildly, since they were on a date, but it couldn’t be helped....Killer would have his attention back on where it should be soon.

Killer sighed and shook his head. He didn't like a it when a lot of people were always coming at him, but he didn't mind indulging the occasional fan. It would take a lot for some of these people to talk to him, so the least he could do is chat for a few moments. Sometimes, nothing was better then making someone's day with a signature on a piece of paper. 

" Nightlight is a little shy... " he said, cocking his head "but we can take a picture of you like?"

The group excitedly nodded their heads and the girl in front took out her phone.

After snapping a few photos, as Nightmare stared at the 3 of them from across the table, before he ignoredthe scene to eat his food, Killer took out and pen and sighed a napkin for them.

"to the most beautiful lady's in the restaurant~" he said with a wink.

Now that had brought Night's attention back.

Nightmare sat up a bit. He was flirting.... 

Of course he was only flirting with the fans... So it didn't mean anything... Killer was a flirty and lewd guy, Nighty had known that long before they’d even slept together for the first time. It was just who Killer was.... It’s not like he’d ever act on it...

But if he could flirt with them, who else could he flirt with? 

No no Nightmare...you’re over thinking it...that's all...

"it's not every day I meet such gorgeous fans, If  only I swung for the other team.."

The girls giggled amongst themselves, as Killer handed them the napkin and smiled. Nightmare shrank down in his chair, suddenly feeling like an awkward 3rd wheel. 

It didn't mean anything.... It doesn't mean anything! 

"..... "

He sipped his wine, desperately fighting against the little voice in his head, but to no luck, he felt sick...and Killer was too busy flirting to notice..

In an effort to attract his partners attention, Nightmare cleared his throat. 

Killer gave him a glance before looking back at his fans. 

Nightmare glared. 

" now, I'm afraid my boyfriend seems to be feeling left out... So I should probably deal with him if I want any hope of getting laid tonight" he said with a wink. 

"you ladies have a wonderful evening" he said, waving at them as they left, laughing and talking happily among themselves. before turning back to Nightmare.

Nightmare said nothing to him and wasn't even looking at him. His eyes were directed down at his plate, as he pushed his barely eaten starter around it.

“was my little moonbeam feeling left out, awww” he teased, gently running his foot against Night’s leg, under the table.

“tonight I'm going to be giving you a lot of attention...so don’t you worry..”

The flirtation of that comment, would normally have caused Nightmare’s face to burn brightly.

But it didn’t...he seemed like he hadn’t even been listening at all.

"....."

"nighty?"

He still said nothing, and just continued to play with his food. 

This was odd...was he feeling ok? this wasn’t like him. His eye’s locked on the piece of vegetable that he was pushing around his plate.

"..... You know this whole meal is gonna cost me upwards of 2 to 3 hundred, the least you could do is eat it..."

Nightmare stabbed a peace of food with his fork violently, making Killer jump slightly.

"well the least you can do is not flirt with other people right in front of me."

Killer stiffened and glanced in the direction the two girls walked in. Was Nightmare serious? He couldn't be. Not only was that just the same casual flirting he did with everyone, but he was gay. He was very gay. Night had no reason to be jealous over girls, that was just ridiculous. He must have been joking.

He forced out a light chuckle.

"are.. Are you kidding me? They're just my fans Night, it's just harmless, I do it all the time"

Nightmare's fork clanged against the plate, as he dropped it and glared across the table. 

"you have a boyfriend Killer" he hissed. 

Confusion ran across Killer's face.

"so...?"

Nightmare continued to give him a hard stare, before going back to eat his food. Killer couldn't resist could he? He just had to flirt with anything that moved. Did he even know what commitment meant?! It frustrated him...

"do I really have to spell it out for you?!" 

Killer blinked. 

"so... That means no more flirting. With. Anyone. Ever."

The taller skeleton's eye sockets widened slightly, but his boyfriend’s stayed narrowed and cold as ice.

Flirting was harmless, he just did it for fun. Surely there wasn't anything wrong with it. Nightmare hated being flirted with anyway....His soul gave a twist. 

"what? Night I was just messin-

"Ever!" Nightmare snapped. 

Now it was Killer's turn to pick at his food, as he sheepishly looked down at his plate. 

Right.... OK... It made sense he guessed... Nightmare was his boyfriend now so that obviously meant no more flirting... That was fine. Killer felt like an idiot for not thinking about that before.

Nightmare was the one who had wanted commitment in the first place, so he must have known more about these things work. It only made sense that he should go along with what he said. He did want this after all... This was what he wanted.. 

"......"

"sorry babe...."

The rest of the meal was eaten in near silence. Every possible conversion starter, felt extremely forced and always fizzled out quickly. Nothing either of them could do would make this less tense. Nothing they could say would turn the night round.

Killer had just wanted to do something nice...

Later the two split. All plans of later bedroom activities where long forgotten, as they went their separate ways home. No good night kiss, no good night text. It was cold. Ice cold and frosty.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After getting home, Nightmare once again sub-came to his desires to drink wine until he passed out and could hopefully forget the ruined meal.

Was it fair what he'd said?

"...."

As he reached the bottom of the 4th glass of red, he pondered if he'd over reacted. Killer was an obnoxious flirt and always had been. From their first kiss till now Nightmare had been on the receiving end of many flirtatious comments. It was a part of Killer...

However, through all of this he'd come to feel like he was the only one who heard remarks like that... It was easy to get wrapped up in the play boy and basically forget the rest of the world exists. He was sweet... Sexual.... Romantic... 

But his behaviour at dinner...

All of that had forcefully pulled Nightmare out of a romantic fantasy, even as he stared at the slightly crumpled flowers on his table, he just didn’t feel the same anymore. This whole night reminded him of their relationship's origins. The fights, the constant back and forth, the one sided desires on his part, and all the constant reminders he wasn’t Killer’s one. 

It brought him back to the night he'd found another man in Killer's apartment...

He'd over reacted yes, but it wasn't too much to ask for Killer's focus to be on him right?

He considered apologising for his behaviour.... But how else would be get his point across. How else would he have Killer become the boyfriend he wanted?

If Killer stopped being so.... Then it would be a good thing right?

He finished his 5th glass.

It was a good thing.....

Killer just needed to be reminded who he was committed to.... Nightmare would help with that. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next month came and went. Life carried on. The relationship carried on.

It was nothing particularly remarkable... Not as exciting as it was at the beginning, but that just meant that things were settling down to the new normal. 

In order to make up for his behaviour with the fans, Killer took Nightmare out to an art show in the city, which Nightmare had to admit was sweet of him. He knew just how much Killer hated things like that, so he appreciated it quite a lot.

Killer's flirtatious habits still continued though. Of course it would take a bit of time, Nightmare didn't know what he expected, but he was there to help Killer stay focused. 

Other then that problem, Nightmare was happy... He enjoyed being around Killer and being with Killer.

But... 

Killer wasn't acting like he liked being around Nightmare.

Nightmare had tried not to let little thing bother him, but tiny nicks and chips where being taken out of his core. 

Of course it as silly, and Night had made an effort to entertain him, but all the smiles creeped around the line of not looking genuine to him.

He’d tried to take part in things that he knew Killer enjoyed, such as taking him to a particularly loud and feral club. The whole environment had made Nightmare feel extremely uncomfortable. 

The many strangers everywhere, the music pounding louder and faster then he could think, the smell of sweat and booze dripping off every inch of the place.... It was all to much, he would have given anything to be at home reading a book, to have Killer spoon him as they watched a movie in bed...just for Killer to be with him.

But Killer had disappeared into the crowd shortly after the two arrived, the sea of drunk strangers had swept him away into the middle of the party, as Nightmare felt battered from all sides. In the end he’d sat stood by the corner, just waiting for his boyfriend to come over, so they could leave. 

But he didn’t...not for hours.

This whole night had caused Nightmare to blow up, yelling at a very drunk Killer for everything.

The fight hadn’t ended well, and it only caused Nightmare to worry more about Killer growing bored of him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the end of the second month, Night’s nagging doubts still refused to leave him. His mind forcefully pushed the incompatibilities to the front of his mind, and that wasn’t all that was bothering him.

Outside of sex... Killer wasn't all that affectionate.. At least not a lot of the time. Of course Nightmare despised PDA, but he was getting a little lonely sometimes.

 Sometimes he even felt he was walking around with a stranger next to him. It was during a double date with his brother and Cross he'd first noticed, and once he’d noticed, it had become impossible to ignore.

Dream would rest his head against Cross' shoulder. Cross would gently place his hand on Dream’s on the table. The two would sit close together and seemed to always be in some kind of physical contact. They would sometimes just look into each other’s eyes and share a peck on the mouth.

Killer and him... Well.. 

It was the little things that were killing him. All he wanted was for Killer to send him a good morning text. To check in. To hold his hand during an interview. To notice him. 

Just a gentle hand on his shoulder, Killer catching his eye with a smile, a soft Kiss good night when they parted.

All things he could use to quiet the nagging voice inside. All things that reminded him that Killer cared.

But sometimes Killer didn’t even seem to notice he was there...

Instead he was two busy looking at other people.... He was clearly losing focus and feeling tempted to start sleeping around again. That was the only explanation. 

Nightmare felt stronger and stronger that he needed to remind him he was there, to remind him that he had commitments. 

He wanted some attention. He didn't wanna be treated this way. It wasn't fair. 

It wasn’t right for Killer to act like this for no reason. He just wanted reassuring from time to time and for Killer to keep his attention on him.

Surely that wasn't much to ask for? 

He had to become for direct with his methods perhaps? 

Killer wasn't telling him anything. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer felt like he was struggling a little. 

The relationship felt a little.... Uncomfortable.. 

The feeling started off small at first. Just a little thought... An inch in the back of your mind, one you brush off at first.

It was harder then being with someone no strings attached.... He’d known it would be going into it, it was a completely different situation with completely different rules. He had to constantly think about Nightmare and his feelings and had to make sure to keep in contact. Texts, calls, constant activity planning. That was fine, it was fine. Always being around one person. fine....

He’d been going to more of Nightlight’s shows and museums, recently. His boyfriend always talked enthusiastically about art and history, and the words would sometimes just roll off his tounge. It was endearing how elegant and well spoken the small skeleton was, and for the most part Killer loved to zone out to the sound of Night talking about something he didn’t understand. The way Night’s eyes lit up when he was talking about a passion made him smile. 

But....it was all the time now.

When their relationship was confined to late night, desperate calls, and bursts of passion in a dressing room after filming, there was less time for talks like this, or Killer could listen to him as sleep crept over him.  

But now..?

It was every day...and Nightmare demanded his full attention. If he so much as glanced around the room, his boyfriend would hiss at him. He was so needy, it was tiring. 

Killer had spent a lot more time and effort in coming up with excuses to spend time alone, and found himself putting off answering texts.

Nightmare liked to text him every single day.... 

Every morning without fail, there was a message wishing him a good day. At first it had never failed to bring a smile to his face, but over time it felt like a daily chore he had to complete. 

Half assing a simple “morning” was becoming increasingly boring to him and it was just silly. Why did he have to say good morning everyday? what was Nightmare looking for from him? Killer just didn’t see the point.

But if Killer was to ignore him? Oh boy..

Nightmare went cold as ice, distant, sad. However Nightmare was trying to manipulate him, he didn’t like it.

He was an attention seeker.

Killer couldn't as so much look at another guy without Nightmare hissing that he had a boyfriend now and needed to focus on that. 

Just Nightmare now.

But did he have to be staring at him constantly?

Could he not check out a hotty on the street? go to a strip club? flirt for a free drink? Just things that gave him a sense of individuality...things he found fun?

But no, just art shows now.

“.....”

It was normal to feel this way right? It was normal to feel almost.... Scared...

This relationship was good for him, that's what everyone said. He couldn't keep sleeping around forever and he knew that. It was a simple fact that everyone needed to settle for one person in the end right? and just one.

Everyone was so happy that they were together. Cross was happy. Nightmare was happy. The fan base was happy. So he was happy. He didn't feel like he had clingfilm wrapped around his face at all. He didn't feel like everything was choking him. 

He liked Nightmare and enjoyed being with Nightmare. He was happy with Nightmare. 

But....

If this relationship went well, he'd only ever kiss Nightmare again...

He'd only ever sleep with Nightmare again....

It would only ever be Nightmare.

For some reason he didn't like that thought.

What was wrong with him? That was a stupid thought. It's not like he wanted to be with anyone else.

But... Something was missing. 

Almost as if he wanted someone else to spend time with Night so he didn’t have to all the time.

But Nightmare was his boyfriend, his responsibility.

The idea of being with just one person forever made his non existent stomach twist in knots. He found himself staring at other guys, and having dirty thoughts about people other then Nightmare. Strong needs to run around grabbing a peace of every guy, having a taste of everything... To flirt, to kiss, to touch.

But that was normal right? All about adjusting.

Surely he'd get used to his new life... No more random strangers.... He'd just have to get used to it.... He wouldn’t miss his old ways soon. he’d grow to like this!

The same old thing... Over and over and over-

"Killer are you even listening to me!?" 

“huh?”

A groan followed, coming from across the table. Nightmare had his eyes narrowed, his seemingly permanent scowl on his face.

"don't tell me you are drooling over the other men in here again!"

He said, snapping his fingers in Killer's face a few times.

“....”

"huh?" Killer repeated, coming out of his thoughts.

Nightmare scoffed "Killer..... I was talking to you"

"uh....right" Killer said, looking down at the table "what is it babe?"

Nightmare sipped his drink, his eyes still narrowed "I was just asking what you wanted to do for dinner? There's a new restaurant on main that I've been wanting to try and-

There it went. Planning for dinner. Just normal couple activities. He guessed this would be his life now, every date with one person.... No new experiences.... He'd just have to put up with Nightmare and his snobbery forever.

"....."

It was normal to feel sick right?

Nightmare sighed, as he noticed Killer wasn't paying attention to him again. This wasn’t uncommon and it made Nightmare feel small whenever he noticed it. His normal response to this, had been anger up to this point, but that had been less affective lately. 

Maybe something was bothering him. 

"Kills...is everything alright? You've been acting off...."

"...."

"it's fine.. I'd love to go there for dinner... Can you text me the name of it? I'll meet you" he said standing up.

"but aren't we going to do something for the rest of the day?" 

"dam it Nightmare! Do I have to spend every waking minute with you? The taller snapped. 

The purple eyed skeleton startled slightly, and let out a frustrated sigh, "fine"

Killer left. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And for a while, things came too a stand still. Looking back on it, a month or so later, it was no wonder to him that things ended up like this. 

If he’d been smart, he would have ended his relationship at this point, but he wasn’t. He was an idiot, who had been too sentimental and attached to Night, to let the toxic bastard go.

He tapped his cig with his finger a few times, watching the ash float softly to the ground near his feet.

Pointless.

At the time, if he’d known, he wouldn’t have bothered trying to fix things.

He wouldn’t have gone to Cross that same afternoon for advice...

He was starting to really question why it was Cross he felt himself turning to.

Sure, they were close but Cross’ advice hadn’t really proved to be helpful at this point. Killer had been starting to feel like all Cross was, was a walking advertisement to commitment, and the flex of how well his relationship was going, was to much sometimes.

But...he was a good listener. 

Maybe that was why.

Whatever the reason, he’d found himself heading straight to Cross’ flat that day.

Dream and Cross had actually chosen quiet a nice area to rent in, not to far from a lot of restaurants and shops, as well as having a nice park near by for Cross’ pups to run around in. At the time that they had been looking at flats, Killer hadn’t understood why they had taken such a long time to find one. But, as he’d seen glimpses of them living their domestic lives....it was nice..

Their flat was about a 20 minute walk from where he’d left Nightmare, and despite having the money to pay for a lift, he’d chosen Just to walk it.

Spending time alone to think was something he’d been missing. So taking a walk to people watch, had been pleasant to him.

“....”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He made his way to Cross and Dream's flat, not bothering to text before hand. There was no time for that, he just really needed his buddy. 

How was it that Cross and Dream's relationship was so different to his and Night's? When two people got together they were supposed to be happy weren't they? 

Well.... He was happy... Of course he was. It just wasn't what he'd expected from years of listening to Cross go on and on about love, aghh.

Love was not a factor in his relationship with Nightmare, that was clear to him, and he was sure he was clear to people on the outside.

Him and Night weren’t in love, they weren’t falling in love and they weren't trying to. They were just dating, because they liked each other, that's all.

But then again...surely love was the goal right..

Nope...nope nope. That was a dangerous train of thought to go down.  

He was glad when he reached the door and had an excuse to think about something other then love.

He knocked.

At first there was no answer, but there was a sound of small feet quickly running up to the door. One of the members of Cross' little pack it seemed.

Now it was always possible that they just weren’t home, but Killer had seen Cross’ car parked in the apartment parking space, and since he could hear his dogs, he had reason to believe he probably was.

No to mention it was about 9:30 currently, so where would they be anyway?

He knocked again.

Still no one answered the door. 

However, whatever member of the wolf pack it was on the other side, started to bark at him through the wood. Now Killer wasn’t at all concerned about that, Cross’ puppers wouldn’t hurt a fly and were nothing but affectionate and sweet. Of course, Killer was still a huge cat person, but spending time with his mate’s fur children had increased his liking for them. 

“Pancake, settle down, there’s a good boy” Killer heard, coming slightly muffled from the other side.

Bingo.

“Cross, it’s me, can I come in please.”

Silence.

He knocked again, a little frustrated, after hearing confirmation that he was there.

"Cross! Mate.. Its me, I need a buddy to complain to...." he wined through the door, sagging his body weight against it.

There was silence again. 

Now Killer knew that it had been a slight dick move to just show up. But Cross had told him many times that he’s always be there for him, found brothers and all. Perhaps though, he should take the hint that maybe he didn’t want to talk in that moment.

He was just about to leave when he heard the sound of foot steps approaching from the other side, and the lock being clicked.

Hah, he knew his homie wouldn’t let him down.

Cross slowly opened the door and looked around it. He seemed a little annoyed about Killer being there, but Killer didn't pay much mind to it. It was fair, after he’d kind of just shown up.

"Killer.... This isn't a good time..." he said. 

Killer just sighed deeply "well I need to talk! I'm having relationship drama...."

In an instant Cross' face of frustration changed to a look of concern. This wasn't the first time Killer had needed to talk to him about Nightmare. The two of them had been having quite a few problems early on, at least from Killer's point of view. 

It had been quite a lot harder then either of them had originally anticipated, for Killer to adjust to being in a relationship. Which Nightmare didn't seem to have a lot of patience for. 

There was a part of Cross that worried about the long time stability of their relationship, but after he'd pushed Killer to admit his feelings for so long, he didn’t want to admit that. He didn’t really have a right to try and impose after he’d been part of the cause of it. Not to mention, he had given up on a lot of his past relationships quite fast, so maybe he was wrong, and because of that, he felt like he had to do his best to support it. 

"oh.... Then... I guess I can hear ya out mate" 

He had been in the middle of something, but he could probably take a few minutes outside to hear him out.. Dream would understand.

But before he could step out, he felt Killer push past him into the flat. Clearly he’d taken Cross’ words as a sign to go in.

"what a morning! I just can't believe Night sometimes!"

"wait Killer-

" he's such a nag! I can't get five minutes too myself!" he continued, making his way into the living room.

" sometimes I don't know why i-

"....."

But all words left him, as he entered the living room. 

Oh... Shit... 

He was met with the sight of Dream, sat on the sofa, as they normally would. But the petite skeleton looked abnormally bashful, seeming to only be wearing Cross' hoodie, which was big enough on him to down just above the knee. He had a face of someone caught doing something they shouldn’t off, and their eye’s never left Killer’s for a second

The blank eyed skeleton was completely frozen on the spot, mortified, as all the pieces slid into place for him. It wasn’t long before Cross came in after him, slightly frazzled and looking a little angry.

"Killer!" 

"ehh.. You found Dream..."  

The scattered clothes on the floor and Cross' clearly hastily thrown on, back to front T-shirt, that Killer had just noticed, confirmed to Killer the reason why Cross hadn't answered right away. 

Oopsy...that should have been obvious. 

"oh..."

"oh goodness I'm so sorry! Looks like I interrupted something..."

‘Oh Killer you utter utter moron’ He thought, locking his eyes to the ground. Maybe if he stared at it long enough, it would crack open and swallow him whole. 

He half expected Cross to grab him by the collar of his shirt and drag him out, telling him to never come back. There was a part of him that wished he would, he’d feel less embarrassed without the stone cold silence.

But just as he felt like sprinting from the place and never returning, the golden eyed Skeleton broke into a fit of giggles. 

"it's ok! Really"

Relief washed over him, like being plunged in a hot bath. Oh thank goodness, he wasn’t upset, Killer felt like laughing himself, as the anxiety dispersed. Well, that was one way to take his mind off Night.

Cross grumbled, stepping out from behind Killer and walking to the sofa. There was an angry blush was spreading across his cheeks, one Killer could recognise from a mile away.

"we were.... Doing yoga"

Killer's expression of horror, slowly shifted into one of smug satisfaction at those words. Oh come on, Cross was just baiting him now. 

"oh really mate? So early?"

"good for you~"

Perhaps, after such a close call, he should have behaved himself, but he couldn’t resist a little fun.

"shut up!" Cross barked, an embarrassed anger in his eyes. "you are not to say one more word about this!" 

Sensing Cross getting angry, Dream got to his feet and quickly walked over, placing a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder. 

"it's ok honey, really, take a breath" 

"but he!" 

"Crossy...." Dream said softly, making his eyes wide in a puppy-dog fashion. 

The purple blush on Cross' face spread, but his shoulders un-tensed a bit. His slight anger issues were getting better, and Killer wouldn't blame him for being mad in this moment. It was nice to see that, with Dream's support, it was getting easier to calm himself. 

Killer smiled slightly, seeing in person how much better Cross was coping, But his smile wavered when it came with the knowledge that Cross' relationship was so much more stable. 

"OK sunshine..." he mumbled, moving his hand to try and pull the hoodie further down to cover Dream's legs. 

Killer chuckled slightly and turned his face away from them. The sour look that Cross was giving him, was a pretty clear indication that he didn't like Killer looking at his boyfriend while in a compromising outfit. 

As much as he knew Cross cared a lot for him, this situation was clearly making his friend irritated by his presence. But who could blame him? Killer couldn't. He'd have acted the same way of Cross had interrupted something like that. 

In an attempt to sooth the tension in the atmosphere, he hummed to himself a bit and rocked back and forth on his heels. 

"This has been fun... but maybe I should get goin' and talk to ya later...." 

"well...." Cross started, but Dream gave his arm a squeeze. 

"Killer.... You are obviously upset.... And it sounds like it's with my brother..." 

"maybe I can help you! Since you're already here" 

Maybe stunned would be a strong word for how Killer felt at that statement, but he was decently surprised. Dream was calm, and seemingly caring more about Killer’s feeling then his own at this moment. 

He was so so different to Nightmare.... 

As Killer turned his gaze back to the two of them, he kept his eyes locked with Dream's, to avoid any issues. 

"really?... This isn't the best time for you..." 

Dream simply nodded. "it's fineeee, we hadn't even fully started the yoga anyway" 

A smile found it's way onto Killer's face. Dream was certainly an odd ball. Anyone else would have wanted Killer out as soon as possible, but it seemed that Dream was anything other than prude, and felt no issues in talking to Killer in his current state. 

Cross on the other hand was clearly bothered by it, but wasn't going to say anything if Dream wasn't uncomfortable. He did however move behind him and wrap his arms gently around their waist. A soft gesture for Dream and a clear message for Killer. 

"just don't....hang out to long...." the gold eyed skeleton said, leaning back against Cross a bit, who grumbled. 

"are you sure guys?..." Killer asked, glancing at his found brother "you guys are busy after all..." 

His brother gave a long, irritated sigh. 

"just talk mate...." 

He rested his chin on his small boyfriends head and took a breath. 

"You're unhappy..." he said, with a softened tone. 

Killer nodded

"that's one way to put it...." 

Unhappy was probably the wrong word, maybe more.... Uncomfortable?

He wasn’t really sure...but if they really wanted to listen, then it wouldn’t hurt to vent some of his feelings right? 

At first Killer tried to condense his words into simple explanations, not wanting to over stay his already frosty welcome. But pretty soon it became clear that it wouldn’t be that easy. Once he’s started, it became harder and harder to stop, almost feeling like a plug being pulled, like he'd been holding his breath for a long time without realising.  

He started to run through his problems in a fast, unbroken stream of ranting and pent up frustration. He went on and on about Nightmare being so clingy, and needing to text him everyday, and how he couldn't get 5 minutes to himself and his fur babies any more. 

Cross and Dream just listened. Nodding every so often to indicate they were listening.

"sometimes I just wanna stay at home, alone, and watch a sappy rom com with my fluffy children. Is that so much to ask?? Can't I just watch a cheesy movie without someone pointing out all the plot and character flaws?!" 

"Did you know Nighty hates my babies as well!? I feel like I haven't got to spend proper time with them since going into this relationship! Because we just need to be together all the time-

-have you tried talking to him?" 

"huh?" 

Dream had been so quiet the whole time he was talking, that it almost startled him to hear their voice.

"have you tired talking to him?" Dream repeated, tilting his head to the side. 

Killer was certain that he must have looked like on idiot, as all he could manage was. 

"uhh" 

His mouth slightly open, just staring blankly at Dream. That was a good point.... But he'd talked to Night about this plenty. 

"of course I have! He just doesn't listen" 

"Doesn't he?" Dream asked again, a little too sweetly for Killer’s liking. A kind of sickly sweet, borderline condescending tone. It made Killer's blood boil slightly, but he knew better then to snap at him, with Cross watching him like a guard dog.

"Look. He just gets mad when I tell him to leave me alone. Or I don't answer my phone for a few days because I need space! He just blows up..." 

"Well.... I can understand why he'd be upset if you just ghost him without warning" Little Light continued, fiddling with the ends of his sleeves. "even if I also understand why you are" 

"And to me... it... just sounds like Night wants to spend time with you..." Cross finally interjected "it's an important part of being in a relationship with someone"

A long sigh left Killer's mouth.

"I didn't know it would be so much work..."

Killer liked a lot of things about the relationship life, he liked being able to spoil Night and treat him. He liked having someone to eat breakfast with in the morning, and tease from the other side of the table. It was nice to have dates that didn’t only end in sleep overs, because he enjoyed the company to an extent. 

But despite all the good parts, he was really missing a lot of things about the single life. 

He missed being able to just waste time shopping for new cat toys. He missed being able to just choose too have a duvet day without having to get permission. He missed just being able to get food, or go out for a night without needing to consider anyone else. 

He was even starting to miss having his bed to himself.

These all had started as tiny thoughts in the back of his mind, barely even there. But as time had gone on, they'd gotten louder and louder, battering him and banging around in his head constantly like cymbals. 

"I just don't want him there all the time! I feel like I'm walking on egg shells" 

"I can't flirt with anyone, or talk to any attractive men without him over reacting" 

"You have no idea the crap he'd give me if he knew I was talking to you dressed like that." 

A light blush coloured Dream's cheeks, and Cross' hand once again pulled the hoodie down a bit. The simple acts of protectiveness and affection made Killer’s soul twist in his chest, and sadness follow after.

"well.... I know my brother has always had a tendency to over exaggerate...." Dream said, sighing deeply. There was sadness in their eyes for a moment, probably a reflection of the still partly strained nature of their relationship. 

"And I know it's uh... In your nature to flirt? And your charisma is what attracted my brother to you in the first place" 

"But... I can understand why he's upset.... It wouldn't be nice to hear your partner talking about others all the time..." 

Like the good whipped dog he was, Cross nodded in agreement. 

"I wouldn't like it if Dreamboat flirted with others...."

The grip he had on Dream tightened slightly, and Dream gently placed a hand across his in response.

Killer narrowed his eyes and inwardly groaned. Of course they agreed with Night. Of course they were blaming him. It was alllllways his fault after all. He was the screw up, the bad boy, the idiot. He'd heard it all before at lest 100 times, and at least 90 of those times were Night.

Sometimes.... He wondered if he was just... A bad person. 

"....." 

It was so frustrating. 

"Oh for crying out loud! You two sound just like him!" he snapped, causing Dream to flinch a little. Killer though, either didn't notice, or didn't care. He was suddenly feeling mad. 

"Because it's always my fault isn't it!" 

"You can't bare the thought of your precious brother being the one in the wrong for a change!"

He basically hissed and ran his hand down the front of his face. 

"You know, I 'flirted' with some girls a while back and he completely flipped out! I'm gay! He knows I'm gay! I have no intention of anything with any woman" 

"But nooooooo I was still obviously lookin' for a hook up cuz I have noooo control over myself! I'm a bloody animal and Nightmare is sooo smart and justified right?!" 

"Killer that's enough." Cross said, near growling as he drew Dream's small frame closer to his chest. 

"You know I love ya mate, but I won't have you speaking like that..." 

His expression softened again, "take a breath, this isn't like you" 

Killer paused for a moment, taking time to stare at the floor, and still his racing soul. 

He was right.... This wasn't like him. He never really yelled at anyone, other then Nightmare. He didn't consider himself to be someone who got angry easily... At least not anymore. 

Weird... 

"....."

"Sorry..."

Dream's eyes became soft with sympathy, and after squeezing Cross' hand lightly, they stepped out of his embrace. 

"Killer... You know I agree with you"

"It sounds like Nightmare over reacted about those girls"

Gently, he placed a hand on Killer's shoulder. 

"And for your information.... I don't believe my brother can do no wrong... Quite the opposite really"

"But... I just think these things are normal"

"...."

Why had he come here... What had he been hoping for? Perhaps just someone to listen, someone to tell him that this wasn't how he was meant to feel, his non-existent stomach was twisting in knots. It felt like he'd been on a roller coaster non stop for hours and been suddenly made to get off.

"Is it?...."

"I guess I don't have a lot of experience to go off..."

Maybe he was just selfish for wanting time to himself. Perhaps he'd been cruel the whole time.

"......Killer...."

The hand on his shoulder moved away.

"I meant that it's normal that you feel like this"

"You've been single for a long time, it's a lot of change and I get it, it's completely fair"

Huh...

So maybe Night was wrong then...

"But..."

Of course... There was a but... 

The golden skeleton walked back over to his partner, and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Part of being in a relationship, is being with that person"

"That doesn't mean that getting your own time isn't important though" Cross clarified, placing a hand on Dream's arm:

"I walk my pups every afternoon alone for one, and Dream likes to go to Zumba without me"

"But... If you don't wanna be around them, then why be with them?"

"Maybe Night's not clingy, it's just that you are not used to it"

"......"

Maybe... Maybe they were right. Perhaps his inexperience had caused him to exaggerate Nightmare's behaviour, it probably wasn't that clingy. It was probably just all baby steps and his feelings of doubt were just him getting used to things. Yeah, yeah that made sense.

Why was it that he was placing so much hostility on Nightmare anyway? He was his boyfriend, it's not like he didn't like him, and didn't feel happy when they had their soft moments. Some of the spark had been dwindling for alittle, but that was fine.

Dam...He really needed to correct himself before he did something stupid. If he just stuck to it and forced himself to focus more, he'd get used to it eventually.

-alking about bounderys.... "

"huh?" killer said, looking up. He'd clearly zoned out for a moment and completely missed what Lil-light had been saying.

Dream just blinked and shook his head.

"Just...."

"No I get what you mean Dream" Killer said, reapplying his classic smile.

Dream raised a non-existent eyebrow and opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again.

“Just need more practise, that’s all” 

Dream sighed and shock their head.

"You are doing a good job you know" the golden eyed skeleton said, smiling wide "Night sent me a pic of those roses and a very long text gushing about how much he liked them" 

Dream giggled. 

"It was like talking to a teenager about their crush" 

Colour flooded to Killer's cheeks, along with a real smile. Moonpie really liked them huh? A soft warmth spread through him remembering the way he'd smiled, the happiness in his eyes, the violet blush... It had been wonderful. 

"He really did huh?...."

"yep! You make him really really happy killer!” 

“And he makes you happy too right!?" 

Killer found himself looking at the wall for a moment, before back at them. 

"............ Yeah... Yeah he does" 

"Then that's your answer!" Dream said, beaming, before, not so subtlety, pushing Cross back a bit so he'd fall back to sitting on the sofa.  

"You two are good together, and in the end you'll be good for each other" 

Killer glanced at Cross, and then back at Dream. The small skeleton was about as subtle as a bright pink sparkly hat with that message, and judging by the purple blush spreading across his mates face, he’d gotten it to. 

It was time that Killer took his leave. 

He chuckled "thanks guys... I appreciate it" 

"No problem!" Dream replied, gently sitting himself in Cross' lap with a smile "You can talk anytime!" 

"Call first though....." Cross muttered, almost completely transfixed by his partner. 

With a final laugh, Killer turned his back on them. 

"Enjoy your yoga guys" 

"Don't strain your back Crossyyyy" he said, walking out of the living room. 

"Killer!" 

~~~~~~~~~~

As the day went on, after Killer had left him, Nightmare had started feeling more and more unsure about things. He wasn’t sure what had caused Killer to snap at him that morning, but it hadn’t left his mind since.

Just as he’d been asked, he’d texted Killer the name of the place and a time to meet for dinner, but it was starting to feel more and more likely that he’d be dining alone... again.

Nightmare’s phone lay silent on the table in front of him. Killer still hadn't responded.

What was happening to them? Things had been so much less awkward when this had all began.

Nightmare had considered asking his brother for advice... But the voice inside his head had told him repeatedly not to bother. It whispered that Dream would only use it as an opportunity to wave his relationship with Cross around. To tell Nightmare everything he was doing wrong. How he was a bad partner. How he didn't deserve love.

Or maybe that was all what Nightmare was just telling himself already...

"....."

Of course Dream wouldn't actually say that... But he still didn't wanna talk to him and admit how badly things were going. Especially since Dream’s relationship was only on the up rise and he knew how disappointed his brother would be to hear about it all.

Everyone treated their relationship like the perfect celebrity romance. A passionate affair that had shifted into a deep and honest connection.  Like the two of them where meant to be. Like it was going to last... 

But Night couldn’t see it anymore. The fairy-tale ending was supposed to come now, he’d finally admitted is feelings to Killer.

But no...it just didn’t feel right, and he just didn’t know what to do anymore.

"...."

What did his feelings even mean anymore?

Killer had been so attentive at the start....

“.....”

He sighed and reached for the glass of Rosé on the table in front of him.

Nightmare had been drinking a lot more wine recently. 

Of course there was no reason to be worried about the glass or two he used to have with dinner every so often. But it was becoming a new bottle every few days. He hadn't really noticed himself drinking it more. He'd just noticed needing to restock more often.

Again, it was fine though, he had just been trying a lot more different kinds, and going through them faster. He figured that it might have partly been due to the stress of his sinking relationship as well, that had caused him to feel the need to unwind with it more. He didn't really have many other ways to let out built up stress. Other then-

And then it hit him. 

They hadn't slept together in a while... A long while. A few weeks at lest.

Huh...

Nightmare knew that he shouldn't let that worry him and that he didn’t need anything else to over think about. But now that he’d realised, it was taking up his full thought pattern. 

He tried not to dwell on that, as he waited for Killer in the restaurant...But he couldn’t help it.

It really shouldn't have been a big deal. Couples went through dry spells! It was completely normal and understandable.

But then again...Killer never went a few days without flirty comments and touches. Nightmare had practically spent the first few months of their relationship with a constantly sore back and legs. But now? Nothing.

How had he never noticed it before?

He poured himself another glass from the wine he'd ordered for the table. It was alright. They were having a romantic meal tonight, surely he'd show up and Night would be brought back to Killer's flat for a good time. Killer would say something. He had to-

"Hey Nighty"

The purple eyed skeleton jumped, slightly too much, splashing wine on himself.

"Killer!"

As he looked up, he was shocked to find himself presented with a single pink rose.

"Hey... I'm sorry about earlier... I was in a bad mood"

Oh be still his beating heart. He could do nothing but stare at the rose, then up at his partner who was giving him a soft smile. The kind of smile that melted your soul and left you hugging your pillow at night. The kind of smile that he always longed to see from the flirty jerk. 

It was embarrassing how long he was staring at him and those deep... Beautiful eyes...

"Killer...."

His cheeks flushed vibrant purple, as he noticed himself staring and snapped his gaze to his glass.

"Oh... Its..."

He let himself smile, as he meet Killer's enchanting gaze again.

"It's fine...Really"

He took the rose. "thank you..."

Killer's classic grin returned, as he sat himself across from his partner.

"No its not.. I shouldn't have snapped at you" he sighed and pulled off his hoodie, setting it on the arm of the chair. 

"I think I've just been stressed with work... I've just been asked to be in a short film... And my agent is being all... " 

He flapped his hands and made a hissy noise. 

"You know" 

Night chuckled. He did know, his agent could get as feral as a vulture around roles to play. It's not like Nightmare didn't have people wanting him to be in things, he was becoming more famous by the day. 

"Yep I know alright" he shook his head, setting the rose down on the table "what's the film about?" 

Killer shrugged "I don't know the full story... Something about Killer meeting Colour and escaping the clutches of evil blah blah"

Nightmare kept his smile on his face and set his glass of wine down. Clearly, he'd just been getting all worked up over nothing. Killer was here, with him, and they were fine. He was being his charming and sweet self, there was no need to bring up his concerns and ruin the moment. Everything was going to be alright. 

"Either way babe... I'm sorry for getting snippy, I'll make it up to you tonight I promise"

The purple flush on Night's face deepened, as a bolt of heat rushed to his core. He looked away, trying to rein in his sudden excitement. But it was hard to when he let his mind wonder a little. 

"Really?" 

Saliva gathered on his tounge, as he felt a strong desire to kiss the skeleton in front of him.

Killer smiled

"Yep! And I'm gonna start by paying for this meal... You can get anything you want"

"Oh I know what I want" he replied without thinking and sheepishly directed his eyes back at the menu.

Dam... He guessed it was just the idea of things between then going back to normal that was making him feel so eager. It seemed like him and Killer had hit a little bump in the last month, but things were getting back on track.

He smiled again, before neutralising his face again. It was sure to be a lovely evening. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The meal was quite nice. Though the two didn't talk about much. It was still a little awkward in spots, but for the most part, it past by without a hitch.

After dinner, Killer had walked Nightmare home, rather then taxi. The two had enjoyed a simple walk and talk, enjoying the sound of the city buzzing around them. Very subtly and gently, intertwining their hands together.

Now, Night wasn’t much for showing their relationship off in a public way, but tonight had felt a little different. He felt like he’d wanted to try.

This, out of character, action didn’t go unnoticed by Killer, who chose to lightly squeeze his hand, rather then tease him about it. Though a part of him felt slightly less genuine about it, he still enjoyed the gesture.

The kiss was short, as Night didn’t feel like he had long too linger on it. He’d found himself unlocking some kind of desperate desire within him that made his face burn to think of.

It wasn't long after he'd invited him in, that Night sat Killer down on the sofa and kissed him. It was true that he hated public displays of affection, but now they were alone he could do everything that he’d wanted to at the restaurant. 

Realising how long at had been, drove him further and further away from the voice in his head that shamed him, He couldn’t be bothered to listen to it now.

Once they had gotten back to his apartment, Night had wasted no time inviting him for coffee. He didn't even feel like dwelling on being subtle right now, he wanted to move along, so they could reunite their bodies and reunite theirselves.

Killer was probably going to tease the heck out of him for acting this way, but he didn’t care, he just wanted him.

Nightmare hummed and nuzzled his face against Killer's neck gently. He thought the timid, cat-like approach could get Killer in the mood. It had worked in the past and, to be fair, doing less had worked in the past.

His boyfriend always loved to focus on his neck bones for a while, planting it with soft kisses and often leaving embarrassing marks. Night had a collection of long scarfs under his bed for this reason. Killer could be such a jerk...but he’d missed him. He’d missed this. 

In spending so much time worrying about Killer looking at other men, Night had been starting to miss the point of being around him.

He wouldn’t miss it tonight. 

However as Nightmare planted a soft kiss against his neck, Killer stiffened. 

Night was trying to start something? Now that was rare. 

His boyfriend was the type to like to act like he had no base desires, and that he had no need to take part in carnal activities. It was a mask that Killer had loved to pull down, and expose what lay underneath. It is what had driven them together and had continued to drive the blank eyed skeleton crazy for years.

It was not often that he'd let even the slightest hint of desire escape him, let alone want to start something out right. It made Killer's cheeks tint and soul beat. Dam.... He must have been desperate... Killer loved that. 

Or well... Killer normally loved that. 

On any other day, this would have done wonders for Killer. It would have driven him, like an animal in heat, to enjoy every inch of the small skeleton, But... Tonight lust didn't strike. 

After being a very.....active person for most of his life, it made feelings of want in himself easy to recognise. He knew those feelings all too well and tonight he wasn't getting it. There didn’t seem to be any reason in particular why, more just something holding him back. A nagging feeling of built up frustration and longing in this head, acting as a strong blocker.

He felt bad for a second. It probably took a lot for Nightmare to make a move on him. He knew it was something that he always struggled with.

But he couldn't force himself to feel it. He couldn't make himself do it. He'd long since promised himself he'd never feel like he had to again. 

Not tonight.... He wasn't in the mood. 

He gently placed his hand against Night's chest and pushed him back.

"not in the mood babe"

But... Since when was Killer not in the mood. 

Now....if it had been someone else, Nightmare wouldn’t have said a single word more on the matter. But...Killer?

The burn, the roughness.... The passion. Craving for Killer desperately. Wanting to be touched and kissed and enjoyed. Treated like he was desirable and attractive. No matter how much he acted like he hated when Killer flirted or expressed his inner carnal feelings, he didn't. He never had. 

Killer had the libido to rival a rabbit in breeding season. Something that had left Nightmare sore and aching in the past. It was a feeling he'd used to detest. But since in the resent weeks he hadn't had it, now he was finding himself longing for satisfying pain. 

He'd never had someone make him feel so wanted. 

Nightmare felt dread drop in his soul fast, as his fears were seemingly confirmed.

But now... It was gone. 

"you.... Aren't?"

"nope"

It was probably bad how frustrated Nightmare felt. It was wrong to be angry that someone didn't want to do the deed. He knew it was wrong, but yet the frustration bubbled. The stream hissed and burnt him. Then the sadness and dread fell on him like ice cold rain.

Killer made Nightmare feel a lot of things, angry, tried, irritated. But  the blank eyed skeleton had never made him feel so.... Unwanted..

"oh...."

He stiffened, and propped his back up against the sofa backing. He didn't want Killer to see the pain in his eyes and tried to hide it in his voice. He couldn’t let himself look weak and pathetic. 

Killer glanced at him, noticing the near visible wilt Night was displaying, after being rejected. 

He felt bad again, when he saw him. Maybe he was being a bit cruel... How long had it been since they last had? Surely it wouldn't be a lot of effort to be respiratory. 

But almost as soon as that thought crossed his mind, something cut across it, sharp as a knife. 

Why should I feel bad for not wanting it.?

He shouldn't! That's right! No! It was wrong of Nightmare to make him feel bad. It was his body and his choice now. He could say no. Nightmare had no right at all! He wasn’t going to fall for this crap...it was just another thing for Nightmare to start complaining about.

And even if it had been a while since the last time, so what? It wasn't all his fault. It was hard to get excited for something that he'd gotten so use to. It was always the same with nightmare anyway. 

"A bit out of character for you" Night said to himself glumly. 

A sigh of annoyance came from Killer, as the anger licked against his bones. 

"I'm just not interested babe." 

"But you always....I don't understand why you-" 

"If you'd had nothing but spaghetti for every meal, you'd not want to eat it again would ya?" killer snapped. 

"I don't want you, so you can't make me! Drop it and grow up" 

"So.........I'm boring... That's what you're saying?"

Dread and insecurity flooded into him and sent his soul spinning.

He felt numb, lost, empty. He was suddenly back in secondary school, being invisible to every other student, being shoulder checked in the hallways and eating lunch alone. He...he was lonely...

Nightmare froze, feeling suddenly quite sick. Maybe Killer hadn't meant that to sound the way it did, but then again what else could he have meant?

Killer let out a long sigh, as if every word was draining or extremely hard work.

"I didn't mean it like that"

"....."

But then again... What had he meant by that? As he replayed his words in his head, he could instantly understand why Nightmare responded that way. He had half a mind of say something to take it back, but he said nothing.

"Yeah...you did.."

"Say it... You're bored"

His non-existent throat felt tight, as a hurricane of emotions swept him up. He had really said that. It all made sense now.. Killer was acting this way because he was bored... He was gonna leave him... He wasn't good enough. He couldn't tie him down. He’d only been used as a play thing, a toy getting thrown out of the pram. He was all used up.

"Y-you jerk! You frick boy, you're bored"

Not to mention it wasn't his fault anyway! It wasn't up to him to make Nightmare more interesting.

Oh here we go, he was over reacting again. Killer hadn't used to notice just how frustratingly reactive Nightmare was. Mostly because he'd always enjoyed pissing him of in some way or another. But now? This wasn't a big deal at all! And Night was blowing up over nothing.

"Well what do you want me to say huh?" he asked, snapping a look in Night's direction.

Killer threw his arms in the air in an exaggerated fashion.

"You're easy too read?... Predictable?... One or the other"

"I wanna do it, you act like you don't and make me work for it, I tease, and touch, and flirt, until you beg"

He sighed again, and pinched the bridge of his noise.

"It's always the same, and it's hard work, so maybe it makes it boring sometimes" he admitted.

"If you want it, then maybe you could try spicing it up or something? Maybe initiate?"

Nightmare stared at him, his eyes slightly widened. What the heck?? how was that his fault, Killer had never once acted like he didn’t enjoy the way they were with each other. How was Nightmare suppose to read his mind?! And he’d just tried to do something different by starting it himself!! so what was the jack-ass going on about!?

"Spice.....Spice it up!! What do you want me to do!?"

"All I can ever do it lay there, because you havvvvvvve to be on top allll the time or you get pathetic and shivery"

How dare he.....he had no idea how hard that was. The struggle it had been for Killer to give himself to him. No idea! The selfish snob couldn't even pretend to care....

Killer never should have let him have his way with him that night. In that moment, he’d never felt more embarrassed. 

"You....."

Killer's face burned red with shame. So he was really going to throw that in his face!? That wasn't fair in the slightest.

He clenched his jaw and swallowed down his frustration at that comment, but it couldn't mask the anger for the rest of it. 

"You really need it spelled put for you?! Put in more effort?? Seriously..."

Night's purple eyes burned bright. The blue, seeping into the violet, as an outer reflection of his inner anger. Oh how he hated him in that moment. How dare the asshole blame him for this. Killer never told him anything! ANYTHING! 

" WELL YOU NEVER TELL ME ANYTHING!" he yelled. 

"How I'm I supposed to know you are having problems if you don't talk to me?!! It's not my fault you are tight lipped unless you wanna flirt with some rando" 

So... He was still mad about that? That was a month ago. Was he serious? 

Killer forced a laugh. 

"You're still mad about those women in the restaurant aren't ya? Seriously I had no idea you were such a petty sod" 

Maybe he should have seen this coming. After all, Nightmare had held onto a pointless grudge with his brother, over the actions of other people from their childhood. He'd been bitter over Killer's cats interrupting a make out session once, and demanded that they be shut out of the bedroom when he slept over from then on. 

"Petty! How dare you! You-

"Oh here we go" Killer said, cutting in sharp as a knife "it's always my fault isn't it!? Every argument and problem is my fault!" 

"You never talk to me either! You stuck up hypocrite" 

Nightmare just stared at him, his thoughts running all over the place. His cheeks flushed, his eyes tinted blue, his hands balled. 

"Well Killer.... Unlike you! Sex is not all I think about." 

"I think about more important things" 

"Ha!" 

Ha?... Did Killer just...

"That's a laugh Night!" 

That asshole! 

"Excuse me!" he hissed.

"You heard me!" he snapped "you self righteous ass...." 

"You know... That's your problem Night....

Killer's eyes no longer looked beautiful. They were no longer deep and magical as the night sky. They looked dark and foreboding, hollow and cruel. For the first time in his life, Nightmare couldn't bare to look at them. He was frozen and shocked for a second, nearly frightened by the difference he saw. 

"You look down your noise at everyone, and can't take even the slightest of criticisms before you get pissed"

As Killer looked directly at him, his eyes were different.

"....." Nightmare looked to the floor, anything to avoid those eyes and the purely spiteful way Killer was looking at him.

He wouldn’t cry, he wouldn’t cry...he wouldn’t.

"WELL THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE IF I'M SUCH A HUGE BORE?!" he snapped.  "IF IT'S SO HORRIBLE, THEN LEAVE! I DON'T NEED TO TAKE YOUR CRAP" 

He wouldn't...he w-wouldn't.

"I swear, you are driving me crazy-

Silence. 

"I don't wanna be around you 24/7! It's always such a huge effort!" 

Neither skeleton said a word, as all the loud noise in the room faded away into the loudest of silences. Nightmare's throat burned, ragged from the fast breathes and loud shouting. Still, he couldn't look Killer in the eyes. It was a stranger in front of him. It wasn't the beautiful eyed playboy he'd fallen in lov-

"......." 

Dam.... What a moment to realise that.... 

Did he?...

No, no, he was hopped up on adrenaline, of course he didn’t. He didn’t know what he was thinking anymore.

Killer sighed deeply, his glaze falling on his smaller boyfriend once more. 

".....Yeah... Why am I here..." 

Nightmare looked up, but Killer looked away. He walked back to the sofa, and picked up his jacket, slinging it over his shoulder. 

"I'm goin' out... Don't wait up, I Don't know when I'll be back" 

It was a horrible feeling. Night's soul twisted and wrenched, fighting with itself over the desire to hug Killer and beg him to stay, and to shove him and tell him to leave. His mouth was dry, as Killer walked to the door. 

"You.... Don't you go out and start flirting wit-

"Oh screw you Nightmare!!"

"....."

 And a second later, he was gone. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well he'd tried. He'd dam well tired. But again it wasn't good enough.

What the bloody hell was he supposed to do? All his boyfriend ever did was complain about something, complain about him. If Nightmare really hated him that much, then why bother with trying?

Killer sighed and slammed a 20 down on the bar top in front of him. He knew this bar well, it had used to be his favourite place to detox and relax, and find new...... friends. 

Because of this, the bar tender knew his tastes very well and presented him with a beautiful fruity, cocktail, which instantly made him feel better, when he looked at it. 

He'd missed this place. 

He really missed this place...

It had been a long time since he’d even been out by himself. Nightmare had gotten uncomfortable about Killer going out drinking in bars alone, but even after Killer had offered to take him with, it hadn’t been enough. Night told him that bars weren't worth it, and that it was better to drink at home or in a restaurant. Killer knew that was bull shit. 

"thanks" He said, nodding to the tender, who slid his change across the bar counter. 

Nothing, but because not everything on the menu costed an arm and a leg, it wasn’t good enough for Nightmare.

Killer didn’t really enjoy the kind of fancy, uptight establishments that his boyfriend liked to go to. He often felt extremely out of place when there, trying to figure out what fork was for what, drinking nasty wines older then him and dealing with sitting in ‘proper’ clothes. Seriously, what was wrong with a nice relaxed cocktail bar?

It short, it was completely ridiculous. 

Nightmare's real reason for keeping him away from this place, was his relentless jealousy and snobbish behaviour.

He took a long drink from his glass, letting the sweet, yet bitter flavour of the booze, wash over his whole mouth and wrap carefully around his tounge. 

"mmmm.." 

Dam that was good. 

He sighed, closing his eyes, and leaning back a bit, licking the rest off the taste from his teeth. 

Killer already felt some kind of weight lifted, in a sense. There was something really, really satisfying about finally being alone and back in his old hang out.

To his credit, Nightmare had come too one with him once before, but he had clearly not even been willing to give it so much as a try. All he’d done is sit over in the corner like a loser, and decided to yell at Killer for getting drunk! It’s not Killer’s fault that his boyfriend had chosen to have a tantrum in the corner, rather the come and find him.  

If he had to always put up with Nightmare’s boring hobbies, then why couldn’t Night come with him to a club?

He took a long breath in and sighed, rising the glass back to his mouth to take another sip.

It felt unfair to him that he was still always expected to be dragged along to the fanciest restaurants and most stuck up wine clubs.

It wasn’t really healthy for him to keep thinking about Nightmare right now, it made him too angry too rationally think about things.

He decided to clear his mind and focus on enjoying his drink instead.

For a while, he felt better. But it didn’t last, as he became aware, of someone sitting down in the spot next to him. Which was confirmed when he heard. 

"Can I buy you a drink handsome?" 

"......."

A line that Killer had both heard, and spoke many times. 

He was startled for a second, before setting his glass down, and turning in the direction of the voice. 

A human who appeared to be in his late 20s. Hmm...

Something deep in Killer seemed to purr slightly at the sight. An animal licking his chops, as prey came into view. He ignored it and said nothing, only continuing to stare at this stranger for a few moments. 

"You talkin' to me?" 

He sipped his drink again. 

The man smirked, and drummed his fingers on the bar top. 

He looked familiar.... In some kind of way.

"Of course Killer.... Are there any other gorgeous skeletons such as yourself in here?" 

Ah, so it seemed that he might have known him them. He racked his brain, trying to remember. A fan maybe? Someone he slept with in the past? He didn't realise he was staring, until they laughed. 

"You don't recognise me? And here I was thinking we had something special..." he wined in a fake sadness, before smirking and snapping his fingers at the bar tender to order a shot. 

Hmmm.......the pieces were lining up now. An old buddy he figured... He'd had many in the past, so at one point they mostly blurred together. 

"........ We've slept together, haven't we?" 

The man took his shot and smiled. 

"So he remembers hmmm?" 

"It was just one night, club in New York" 

Oh! He remembered now, he'd been up there for a meet and great around a year and half ago. It had been one hell of a night after a long day of seeing fans, him and Nightmare had been just hooking up at the time. 

Dam... That kind of life felt almost alien to him now. So different to what he had now....Almost like thinking about a different person all together, a stranger, who partied, slept around and had no ties too anything. He couldn't stop thinking about it. 

The drinking, the partying... The men.....all the men... It had been like an all you can eat buffet....but now he just stood in the corner, eating the same bread roll. Over and over and over. 

"So how about that drink huh?" 

"......" 

"Sorry mate.... I have a boyfriend now, we are committed" he said, crossing and uncrossing his fingers "we are like that." 

A hearty chuckle came from his companion. 

"Oh and that means you can't have a drink with an old friend? You gone soft?" 

"Or, is he a controlling pain in the ass?" 

Killer hissed, and his eyes became a dark and deadly glare. 

At first Killer's instinct was to turn the man down and defend Nighty.

Sight that it wasn't like that, and say he was very committed and happy. 

But for some reason he didn't. 

Frustration was drawn up through him, at the idea of defending Night's behaviour, since it was said behaviour that felt very draining to him. But the frustration dissipated, when he realised he was just too tired to argue. 

Since when had he been so tightly wound up, that a simple comment like that would make him mad? 

This wasn't like him at all...... 

His expression softened. It had been a long time since he'd acted this way, and thoughts of his torturous youth sprung to mind. If he'd gripped the glass any harder, he was sure it would break. 

He took a long deep breath and turned to the guy once more. 

"......" 

There was nothing wrong with a free drink.... Right? He definitely needed one.....

"Alright...." he said smoothly "I suppose that would be fine..." 

"Are you drooling over the other men in here again?!" Came his boyfriend's words echoing in his head, and it stirred anger in his core. 

He always had to jump to that conclusion, even if it was beyond far from the truth...

Perhaps Nightmare just wanted an excuse to be angry? Well if that was the case, he’d give him what he wanted.

He still didn't really understand the problem, and now Nightmare wasn't around, he could have a little fun doing something he missed. 

This was a dangerous game to play, but again it was harmless, that's why it was just a game. Games never hurt anyone. Memories of long nights spent scoping out the new talent and trading pick up lines back and forth came to him. So much fun that he’d been missing..

Just a little flirting..... He used to do this for fun all the time. 

Just have some harmless fun perhaps... Just so he'd feel less angry..... He didn't want to feel like he did in the past. He wanted to feel charming and care free... 

As the guy ordered the drink and paid, Killer smiled. 

It was time to take a break from things. 

"Thanks Hun.....I'm afraid I don't even remember your name...." 

Dam he sounded rusty.... That was embarrassing. He sighed again and finished off his drink. Should he really be doing this? the doubt crossed his mind, reminding him that this was against Night’s wishes.

But what he didn’t know, wouldn’t kill him right? and this guy knew he had a boyfriend anyway, so nothing would come from it.

Time to turn on the sliver tounge. 

"But I wonder, what did I ever do to be graced with such a handsome man in the past?" he said, and it wasn't to long later, that the bar tender gave him a second drink. "surely someone like you has better standards..." 

The guy casually placed his hand on the bar. 

"Well you looked lonely...and I suppose I thought a babe like you should have some company..."

"And tonight you looked realllly lonely again.." 

Mmmm classic lines... Killer forgot how much fun this was. He felt a bit better already. 

He tilted his head and uncrossed legs. 

"Yeah.... But a free drink?" 

The guy shrugged "you can pay for it if you want..." 

"I guess.... You'll want me to find some way to pay you back?" Killer said with a smirk, running his finger around the rim of his new drink. 

“Surely it would be more fun to.....come up with a creative payment..."

"......" 

His eyes sockets remained fixed on the dark liquid, and that's when he got an idea. 

The guy watched his fingers intently, as Killer dipped one into the booze and then licked it off, making sure to run his tounge around his mouth afterwards. 

Got him. 

"Well.... What did you have in mind?" the man said blushing slightly.

"....."

"Keep the drinks coming and I'll tell you…"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why did it feel nice? 

He really hadn't realised how tense and stressed he'd been, until he was finally able to let lose a bit again. This guy was a wonderful drinking companion, and fun to bounce flirts off of. It was just fun, just casual. Just... Nice. 

He was finally free to vent all he wanted about his boyfriend without Cross’ ‘but love is great’ speech, or Dream seemingly dismissing every problem as just him fault to fix. He was getting tired of all three of them, and the new guy gave him a fresh point of view. He was fair, and the environment felt like home.

As the night continued, Killer could feel his stress easily go down.

It was just free of the judgmental and snobbish way his boyfriend acted. It was free of the rules and strict dress codes. The pointless fancy food, and staff that looked down there noises at you. It was just normal and relaxed and it all felt nice.

At least it did until the guy, leaned forward and rested his hand on Killer's leg. 

"....." 

Woah there,... 

"....." 

Killer found himself staring at the hand for a moment, as if almost transfixed by the sight and feeling of it. At first glance, it was a purely innocent gesture, something that had no dangerous undertones behind it. But this...this was far from it underneath.

Heat flushed his bones red and glowing. That was a clear sign.... A non-verbal proposal. A suggestion. 

Perhaps the alcohol was messing with his perceptions of things, but he felt a flush of excitement in his core, growing into a low heat through his bones. He let his legs fall open slightly more, before he realised what he was doing.

".... What's that for....." he asked, moving his leg a little from left to right. 

"Well..... What do you think..." the man said. 

"......" 

“my.....my boy- Nightmare I..”

As fun as this was, this was clearly starting to push it, and guys intentions were clear. He didn’t care that Killer was taken, he still wanted him, committed or not. It was so, naughty...wild...and in a sense, new.

This man was being direct, and in the past, Killer would have loved it. 

But now it froze him on the spot. 

People say that there are several points in life where you'll reach a crossroad, something which could send you down two extremely different paths. One simple choice, left or right, but once you make it, there is no going back. 

Killer had encountered several of these kinds of choices in his life, and he'd found himself taking the wrong path many times before. He'd trekked across sharp stones and up steep hills. His life had never been easy, and his choices had never made it easier...  

The choice was an easy one to make. He should stop this straight away, leave and go home to Nightmare....

But then again.... 

If Nightmare smelt alcohol on his breath, he'd start questioning where he was, and if he started questioning, Nightmare wouldn't let it go. 

In the end, if Killer told Night he was at a gay bar, then the purple eyed skeleton would yell at him and ask him who he was looking to sleep with, and if Killer said non one Night would just scoff and tell him he wasn't allowed at this bar anymore. 

Back to rules... 

Back to his relationship.... 

The guy started to run his fingers along the inside of Killer's thigh. 

“don’t worry about him, what is it you want too do?”

No no.....come on... He didn't know what he was thinking, it was the right thing to do, to stop it and go home. 

Time to put a stop to it. 

...... 

Time to take the right path. 

"Oh... Well I have a few ideas.... But I can't say them out loud in public~"

What was he doing?! 

The stranger seemed very interested in the prospect, and his eyes landed on Killer's mouth. It didn't take a genius to figure out what came next. 

As the guy leaned forward to kiss him, Killer had plenty of time to pull away, more then enough. He made no movement towards the man, but he didn’t pull back. All he did was stare and watch as he came closer. He could have turned his face away...But he didn't.... He didn't stop it...and before he knew it, their mouths were together. 

Oh man.... 

That kiss sealed his fate.

Something flipped in Killer's soul, something hot, something hungry. A fire that he'd not felt in a long time, and it burned everything inch of him. This must have been wrong.... This was wrong... But oh.... It felt so good. 

Sure, Killer could have stopped it. But he didn't. He didn't want to. He wanted to chase this feeling he missed. The heat was a driving force, the sensation of running his tounge around another's mouth, having new flavours and new feelings. 

His heart screamed at him to stop. Yelled at him to think about his commitments, to remember Nightmare. 

But his brain and body silenced it. They only told him to keep going. To lean in further and taste deeper. 

If that meant feeling such heat and passion.... Then he wasn't going to argue. 

It was a blur what happened next. Killer's thought's could hardly comprehend what he was doing, buzzing and fizzing around his head, not stopping for a second to breathe. It wasn't logical, it was physical only. It was carnal and unplanned. Spontaneous and messed up. 

It was heaven. 

It wasn't long until he was in a hotel room making the bed rock. The head board banging the wall with intense force, and the sound leaving a lasting memory in Killer's mind. 

He may not remember this guys name, but he could remember a lot more important things about that night. 

He took him for everything he had. The whole time he didn't think of Nightmare once. 

The act it's self was nothing to write home about. He'd been with better, he'd been with worse. It gave him no physical sensation that he hadn't felt one million times over. However, it was the emotional feelings that got him so invigorated.

As he lay in the bed afterwards, as the man slept with his back turned next to him, he felt extreme relief. It was like all the water in his non-existent lungs had disappeared and he could finally breathe again.

An unmistakable sense of freedom..... Something he hadn't realised he'd missed. No longer was he being constricted by Nightmare's rules, and nagging, and yelling. He finally felt.... Himself again.

He was Killer, flirty, fun and desirable...just like he’d always been.

Switching his phone to silent, Killer decided to ignore it and go to sleep. Whatever it was he'd deal with it in the morning.

It was only when he heard it that he started to question his decision, the more he thought about it, the less he seemed to care.

After all his repetitive nagging and jealousy, Killer had finally given Night what he’d wanted. He’d labelled Killer, as a no good cheater since this relationship began, so much he’d be happy to know that he was right, just as he’d insisted. Not that Killer was going to tell him.

~~~~~~~~

He smiled, but his euphoria didn't last, as his phone started to ping. Nightmare obviously...

Nightmare, on the other hand, was feeling a bit on edge. He was his 5th glass of wine in and sipped it, as he started at his phone screen. Killer wasn't answering...

The purple eyed skeleton sighed. He really hadn't meant to go off on Killer like that.... Killer just had a way of making him feel like he wasn't all that interested in his these days. It was probably just his insecurity playing up. So many years of being second best to his brother, had driven him into this state. He hadn't meant it... Really... 

He sighed and put his phone down again, before finishing the wine in the glass. His head was aching now, and he was feeling a bit giddy. Probably best to just head too bed and deal with it in the morning. Surely Killer would be ready to talk by then? 

Right? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Killer thought back on his actions that night, a month prior, he'd never felt more selfish in his life. 

Killer liked to think he was a good person, but he often found himself questioning that these days. At the time, he'd had no idea where this path would lead. But he hadn't felt more pain in a long time. 

Regret flooded him, but not in the way you'd expect it to. He didn't regret what he'd done, he regretted not doing it sooner. 

Perhaps he should feel guilty, at first he did, but after the stunt Nightmare had just pulled, he didn't. He couldn't. 

The city seemed to fall silent around him. Cars no longer zoomed past, people were no longer walking on the street. 

At least that was what he felt, twisting the cigarette in his fingers, allowing the heat to lightly tickle his bones. 

He didn't feel like smoking anymore.... 

He flicked the cig onto the pavement, and walked home in a trance. If he'd been in one of his movies, it would have started raining, and a sad song would have played. But this wasn't a movie. He couldn't just run to the changing room and wipe off the make up and fake tears. This was real...all real. 

At lest he was free now.... He could go sleep with anyone he wanted...

Perhaps he’d re-download grinder, Or dig up some of his old contacts for a late night call. He could go to the bar and do shots, and dance on the tables, stripping his shirt, as the other’s cheered. He could be with a new guy, or even two....He could take anyone he wanted to a bathroom stall. He could do anything he wanted. No more rules, no more nagging, no more Nighty.

No more...Nightmare....

It’s fine, he’d find a new Nightmare. All he’d even been was a man who used Killer to explore his sexuality, that's all, nothing out of the normal. Nightmare hated him anyway, he always had, Killer was a piece of gum on his shoe, something small and meaningless.

It had been pure hatred from day one.

It didn’t matter now.

Nightmare was nothing to him now..

“.......”

Suddenly he didn’t really feel like going out anymore...remembering their last fight...

“No...it’s not important” he mumbled. He didn’t wanna think about it right now, the wound was to fresh too press.

“.....”

He was suddenly feeling quite sick...

"....."

He should probably just go home, he could go out tomorrow.

As he made it home, his flat was silent. As if it knew what happened and wanted to be respectful of him...

It was so strange to be in a place so quiet. And so empty. Even his cats were absent and quiet. Crackers had avoided greeting him at the door, but Killer didn't blame either of them. The baggage he was carrying was heavy. 

It felt.... Good.. To be back though. Finally alone at last. 

"....." 

Alone... just like he’d wanted.

He sat down on the sofa and stated at the wall in front on him. He was trying not to think about the fall out.... He was trying hard not to dwell on it... 

But how could he not....

Again a special thanks to @jann-the-bean ans @yuriyuruandyuraart for all your support with this series.

[venusluvrr]

The Psychological Horror Manhwa “Killing Stalking” is not a Romance, but an Emotional Series Depicting the Codependent Relationship Between Two Ill Individuals

Content Warning!!: contains mentions of sexual abuse (rape) and mental illness.

Killing Stalking is an immensely twisted webcomic series, mainly popular within the Yaoi community for its boy on boy focused plotline. The story follows characters Yoon Bum (Bum), a shy, scrawny young man with a haunting past filled with abuse, and Oh Sangwoo (Sangwoo), a younger man who also has a quite damaging upbringing but masks it perfectly with his vibrant, extroverted personality. After being saved from a rape attempt during his time serving in the military, Bum develops a crush on his saviour, Sangwoo, from which an unhealthy obsession starts to arise and he eventually finds himself locating and breaking into the man’s home one day when he’s out. When he does, he discovers a terribly injured woman being held captive in his basement, and with further evidence, soon comes to the realization that his crush is actually a serial killer -- hence the name “Killing Stalking,” as Sangwoo kills and Bum stalks. For a very specific reason though, Sangwoo decides not to kill the man that had been stalking him, and instead holds him hostage in his custody. From here, the story goes into exceeding depth of the abnormal, toxic, and manipulative relationship the two form during their time spent together. By just the mere description of it, it’s a bit concerning to know that a large portion of readers still support Sangwoo and Bum’s relationship. In other words, they believe they truly loved each other and that the story was not only horror fiction but a romance as well. One could easily come to this conclusion by basing their relationship on the few parts within the novel where they showed affection towards each other -- for example when Bum allows Sangwoo to hug him to sleep when he suffered through the night, or my personal favourite, when Sangwoo buys Bum a stuffed frog keychain after finding out that he had an affinity for such creatures. But we cannot simply dismiss the underlying factors of their relationship because of some cute things they did that made our heart melt -- Sangwoo still abused Bum at his leisure which makes those moments quite meaningless in the sense of it all. What Sangwoo and Yoonbum shared can’t be classified as “love,” because even with their peculiar bond and endearing moments, the psychological damage they both endured played a bigger part in the way they perceived each other.

Many toxic relationships start out lovely and glamorous until the couple have become comfortable enough to start revealing some bad habits, but in Sangwoo and Bum’s case, they were already off to a bad start, as the reason they remained with each other was solely for reasons pertaining to their poor mental health.

At the time Sangwoo saved Bum in the military, Bum still suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) -- a disorder he inferrably developed due to the fact that he grew up being constantly physically and sexually abused by the people around him. People with this illness may easily develop an infatuation for a person who shows them even the least bit of care; It can reach the point where they begin to idolize them and see them almost as a perfect human being -- which is exactly how Bum viewed Sangwoo after he helped him to escape a rape attempt. The likely specific term for what Sangwoo was to Bum is a Favourite Person (FP). To an individual suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, their FP is everything -- their self-worth, identity and emotional dependency all rely on this one person, making them the center of their lives. In contrast to this sincere fondness, the only reason Sangwoo kept Bum alive was because of the man’s resemblance to his late mother -- the one person in his life who he truly loved. While his father was abusive and negligent, his mother tried her best to care for her son even while her own mental stability wasn’t so great either. Even though it was implied that he was responsible for the murder of both his mother and father in high school -- getting away with it scotch-free because of how perfectly executed his plan was -- he still shared a special bond with the woman, allowing her existence follow and continue to torutue him mentally as he grew older. When he saw Yoonbum, he felt as if she had been somewhat resurrected, or at least he could pretend so by dressing him up in his mother’s clothes and making him cook and do the chores; He also played the husband role by abusing and assaulting Bum just as his father did to his mother -- mostly just out of his own nature. Sangwoo had his own issues, “mommy issues,” and he initially needed to keep Bum alive so he could fulfill his own longing desires. Knowing the man’s character though, things wouldn’t end there and instead headed down a very gruesome and frightful path.

The very reasons that the two were drawn to each other we’re even more evident the longer they lived under the same roof. While Yoonbum continued to recall the perfect image he had of Sangwoo in his head, Sangwoo continued to manipulate the man in order to satisfy his own needs. A healthy relationship cannot be based on deceit, because one person will end up victimized instead of loved.

Oh Sangwoo is a sadistic sociopath with a history of kidnapping, abusing, raping and torturing innocent people, and because of his illness, he shows feels and shows no remorse for his actions and even proceeds to kill off his victims as they pleaded in objection. What some people don’t understand is that when Sangwoo met Bum, the only reason he treated him differently was not because he thought of him as special, but because he had a personal agenda that included making Bum think that was the truth and that he was indeed the favoured victim among many. It’s no surprise with the man’s manipulative personality that he would enjoy planting a lie in Bum’s head to make him stay and continue to do as he says, and this is confirmed whenever he returned back to his old destructive habits even after showing the man acts of affection. Yes, Sangwoo spared Bum’s life, clothed him and fed him, but as their bond grew, his narcissistic attitude was still more apparent than ever.

Upon meeting Bum for the first time, Sangwoo didn’t hesitate to aggressively break his ankles to prevent his mobility, he left the man within the dark confinement of his basement for a certain period of time before letting him out only after he had gained his trust. He made him sit in a chair to wash dishes and make dinner because he could no longer stand. Sangwoo also constantly dragged Bum down with derogatory words and statements every chance he could get, this included calling him a “retard,” and referring to him as a “disgusting” and “filthy” human being. As confirmed by the author, Sangwoo is also heterosexual, which is further proved by the homophobic remarks he made towards a significantly older man who was sexually attracted to him while murdering him with Bum’s aid. This fact alone is another one that should justify a strong point that demonstrates the true hostility of their relationship -- Yoonbum never gave his consent to have sex with Sangwoo, nor did he allow it to happen because “he wanted it.” He specifically used phrases such as, “No,” “Stop,” and “It hurts,” implying that sometimes there was no mutual agreement when they had sex and Sangwoo had actually raped him several times.

People with Borderline Personality Disorder have been reported to have difficulties seeing the faults in their partner -- this explains why Bum still held on to him. He chose to stay when he had the chance to escape, and with tears rolling down his face from excruciating pain he still told Sangwoo he loved him. In a scene where Bum is left alone with the police as they investigate the suspicions they have surrounding him, he questions them saying, “Could you kiss somebody like me? Could you love somebody like me?” As he believes nobody but Sangwoo could answer yes to those two questions, convinced that Sangwoo really does have feelings for him. It’s saddening to know that the poor man had successfully been lured into a trap, and because of his mental health it would be much harder for him to realize it.

To the readers that think, “Sangwoo and Yoonbum needed each other,” -- You’re not completely wrong. They did need each other in the way that they found somewhat of a saneness from each other’s presence, each using one another to each other’s benefit. But being together at the same time built on their insanity, as the presence of Sangwoo’s mother seemed to grow even more prevalent with Bum, who resembled her, also in the picture, and Yoonbum growing so unhealthily attached to Sangwoo that he constantly feared of abandonment and turned the sociopath into the only source of his happiness. They needed each other, but not for the right reasons. They were attached to each other, but there was no love, otherwise it would reflect throughout the story. One of the most debate-worthy scenes that challenge this fact is when Sangwoo is reported by an old lady in the hospital, the one that had ended his life, that he was calling out Bum’s name throughout the night as he lay in his deathbed. Those were his final words, and Yoonbum’s final word was also Sangwoo’s name before he was very well implied to have been hit by a car while he chased an illusion of the man he “loved.” Even I almost felt that this was solid proof that even through the tough and terrible of their relationship, deep inside, the two really were in love but could not express it in the right way due to their mental health issues -- after all, what someone makes of their final moments before death is much more meaningful than most of what they've done in their life entirely. But I came to realize that the only way I could support this relationship would be if they had met in an alternate universe where they did not suffer from such dreadful childhood trauma that made them into the hurting individual they had become before meeting each other. As difficult as it is for me to picture the two with different partners, it would be best if the two had not met at all as they only fed into the severity of their conditions.

[seeuonadarknite]

picture perfect — yandere kuroo tetsuro x f. reader

warnings: toxic relationship, abuse, spitting/saliva, noncon, breeding kink, light asphyxiation

You were sick and tired of your boyfriend's relationship with your family members. Your siblings thought he was admirable for being Nekoma's captain, and your parents not only admired his position, but trusted him in full as well.

He was just this nerdy volleyball captain and respected your parents more than any of your previous exes. He was just such a nice guy, why would you want to leave him?

"(y/n), you've gotta be pulling my leg. He's a keeper! Why would you wanna break up with him?" You had pulled your mother aside to talk to her in private, not wanting to attract any of your siblings' attention, but she didn't seem to pay any mind to her volume.

If only she knew how fucking psychotic your boyfriend was. He kept tabs on your phone, monitored who you hung out with and when you went out, and gave out unethical punishments whenever you upset him. Which was quite frequently.

But you didn't wanna tarnish your boyfriend's image like that. Sure, he was absolutely horrible to you, but a part of you didn't want to expose him like that. Maybe it was a form of Stockholm Syndrome. Maybe it was fear of not being believed.

Nonetheless, you always kept things vague in order to protect your prince charming's reputation. "It's just.. things are rough between us. It's not as nice as it seems behind closed doors." And it was true. Your words may have been vague, but they were completely correct.

Unfortunately, they were too vague for your mother to comprehend and she just shrugged them off, like always. "Honey, that's how relationships work. You're gonna have your fights and it's gonna be ugly— you're young! You're both just seniors in high school, so of course it's not gonna be perfect." She sent you a warm smile, placing a hand onto your shoulder.

"Just talk things out with him, okay? Try not to make haste decisions just yet." Removing her hand from your shoulder, your mother walked away from the scene with a soft laugh.

If only you had noticed the pair of eyes peeking behind the corner the whole time. The eyes that belonged to your nosy, loudmouthed brother.

—

It had been a few days since you had the talk with your mother. Since then, you had attempted to rekindle things with Kuroo. Of course trying to be nice to him didn't fix a damn thing. If anything, it just gave him the OK to be an even shittier boyfriend. His possessiveness had only gotten worse.

You were currently sat next to him on his couch, watching some cheesy romance movie. “Oi, babe, c’mere.” He called you over with his arms stretched out. If he wasn’t such a manipulative bastard, you’d find the sight in itself cute. He was like a kid making grabby hands.

To which you obliged with ease, sliding into his arms to lean your head against his torso with your legs tangling with his. His hand made its way over to your head as he tangled his fingers through your hair, humming quietly at your compliance. It was nice; it felt like the two of you were just a normal, happy couple.

However, every good moment had to come to an end. “So.. your little brother was real eager to talk to me the other day.” Uh oh. The words that fell from his mouth were seemingly innocent, but his tone was what scared you. It was a tone you knew all too well. You were in deep shit.

Tilting your head upwards to peek at him from your spot on his torso, your eyes made contact, only to realize that he had been looking down at you the whole time. “Yeah, he sounded worried. Told me about a little chat you had with ma.” His gaze had darkened within seconds as he spoke. You were really starting to regret accepting his offer to cuddle.

“Babe, he’s a kid. You can’t trust everything he sa—“ Slap. Placing a hand on your stinging cheek, you looked up at the narrowed eyes of your boyfriend. He had slapped you right across the face. How he had managed to put so much power into a slap with the position you two had been in was a mystery to you.

That wasn’t important. What was important was his hand roughly gripping your chin, nails digging into your soft skin. “Do you think that I’m that fucking stupid? Are you really trying to ruin a picture perfect family? Our picture perfect family? (y/n), I can’t have you telling everyone that I’m ‘bad.’ It’s about time that I put you in your place.”

And with that, his hand that had previously gripped your jaw was now forcefully prying it open. Furrowing your eyebrows, you looked up at your boyfriend with tears brimming your eyes. Before you could even start to retaliate, a sticky string of saliva gradually fell down from his mouth. God, he was spitting in your mouth and you couldn’t do anything about it. His hand was too damn strong.

“If you wanna properly own up to your actions, go on and swallow it.” It was absolutely sickening how he believed he was teaching you some sort of lesson. You wanted to call him disgusting and hit him in the face, but you were driven by fear, thus leading to your regretful actions.

Your pride wasn’t the only thing you swallowed, as the sticky substance of Kuroo’s saliva cascaded down your throat. Giving your face a few light slaps, he sent you his cheshire grin. “Good girl.” Without another word, he slipped up from under you.

For a second, you actually believed that he was laying off, and deciding that maybe spitting in your mouth was enough of a punishment. But no, as soon as you even thought about getting off of the couch, he forcefully flipped your body over and shoved your face into the couch cushion.

“Did ya really think I was done with you? Let me show you how much of a good boyfriend I am.” His fingers wrapped around the waistband of your shorts and panties, wasting no time in shoving them down to your ankles. “T-Tetsu! Wait!” Your cries and pleads went unheard as he pulled his flaccid cock from his boxers. Bringing your hips up to his, he began rubbing the length of his cock up against your folds.

Not only was the feeling of his gradually hardening cock rubbing against your folds turning you on, but it was making him moan like a pornstar. He paid absolutely no mind to his volume; you felt kinda bad for his neighbors.

The friction in itself was enough to create a pool between your legs. “Fuck, baby, I’m gonna put it in.” Of course he didn’t even consider putting on a condom. It almost felt as if he wanted to knock you up. If he did that, you really wouldn’t be able to leave him, right?

With both of his hands on your ass and his thumbs on your folds, spreading them open from behind, he pushed the head of his cock inside of you. “Tets—Tetsu, it’s not gonna fit..!” Your head was shoved up against the couch cushion by his right hand, whilst his left was holding onto your waist, giving him something to grip as he sheathed himself inside of you. His cock had so much girth; it practically felt like he was tearing you apart.

Kuroo tilted his head back with a loud, dragged out moan, as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. No matter how many times he fucked you, he always felt a sense of euphoria at the feeling of your tight hole clenching around his cock. Hell, his moans were probably louder than your own.

Once he calmed down from his high, he began thrusting into you at a furious pace. You were lucky you even got a chance to adjust to his size, because he sure as hell wasn’t going to start out at a gradual pace. Gripping onto the edge of the cushion, your jaw dropped as a moan erupted from your throat. God, your moans sounded like music to Kuroo’s ears. He could feel his cock twitch inside of you at the sound.

It really sucked having such an athletic lover, because his stamina and speed was just too much for you to handle. His pace was borderline animalistic as he pounded into you. The grip he had on your hips was absolutely bruising, and his nails dug into your scalp as he pushed your head further into the couch.

“Maybe I should cum inside..! Heh, you’d be real hot with big, swelling tits.” His hand pushed you further down, gradually making it more difficult to breath as he reared his hips back. Slamming back into you, he grabbed a fistful of your hair and dragged you up, pulling your back against his chest. This position was beyond uncomfortable for you. He kept one hand on your side, but the hand that was previously digging into your scalp was now wrapped around your throat, all of this happening from behind.

It amazed you how much lower body strength this man had as he continued thrusting into you at a speedy pace. You were beginning to reach your limit, and he was as well. This became obvious to you as soon as you felt his cock begin to twitch inside of you. “Even if your parents.. ugh.. fucking hate me..” He trailed off, moving his head towards your ear as he licked the shell of it. A low growl emitted from his throat as he removed his hand from your side, soon placing it onto your stomach as it slowly trailed down to your sensitive parts.

“..Once I knock you up, they’ll have no choice but to see me as a part of their family.” His fingers began mercilessly rubbing at your nub, urging you to hurry up and release. His words were fucking horrifying, but the way his cock hit your cervix and his fingers rubbed at your clit, you couldn’t even comprehend what he was telling you. Suddenly, your body tensed, as you reached your climax and lubricated Kuroo’s cock with your cum. With the clench of your hole, Kuroo followed shortly after you, pumping his thick, sticky semen inside of you.

Loud panting and heavy breaths sounded throughout the room as Kuroo reluctantly slid his cock out from your hole, watching your combined fluids begin to drip down from your hole to your leg. Once Kuroo released his grip on you, you collapsed onto his couch. You couldn’t care less about the cum covering your lower half and probably staining his furniture. You were exhausted.

The sight of you panting heavily with cum splattered all over your lower half was enough to make Kuroo’s cock begin to twitch again. Towering over your collapsed body, Kuroo placed his head into the crook of your neck and smirked.

“Now, who said that we were done here?”

[padme-amitabha]

I just watched a video countering a couple of Prequel bashers and, my god, the things the haters said should happen to Jake Lloyd! It's an abhorrent injustice that these disgusting people were catered to by the 2008 CW series. You know, however terrible they are, I'm almost glad for the sequels, because if there's one good thing that came from them, it was watching the Prequel hate coming back to bite these people hard.

Tell me about it. The people who bullied Jake Llyod are despicable. I think the actors in the sequel trilogy sometimes overacted and it came out as too forceful at times and I wasn’t a fan of Daisey Ridley’s wooden acting but that’s no excuse to bully the actors! Jake tried his best and did exactly what George instructed him to do i.e. play a simple good-natured kid. The sequels have been criticized but I think the acting is rarely brought up while prequel actors like Ahmed Best, Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman had to deal with this nonsense because people didn’t agree with their characters’ actions, how they were written and/or couldn’t handle character flaws.

Still Jake Lloyd showed more emotional range than the adult sequel trilogy actors (I mean is Rey even capable of other expressions than being wide eyed or smiling in inappropriate situations or looking like she’s trying too hard?). I understand getting teased at school because let’s face it kids are immature and they were probably just jealous he got the role in such a highly anticipated movie but what angers me is when grown men picked on him and bullied him like the man-babies they were AND had the nerve to blame it on George (who still defends the prequels and it’s characters). I know it’s hard for them to swallow this but Star Wars is George’s creation and doesn’t exist solely to fulfill their male power fantasies. I have seen their version of “fix-it” videos where they are like Anakin should have been born with the suit and basically making him a psychopathic soulless monster and also a demon child. The atrocious Darth Vader Marvel comics are still trying to please said man-babies but TCW started that trend. These days actors can gain sympathy and support from fans on social media but back then people rarely stood up for little Jake and Ahmed Best. What’s worse is some reporters continued to harass and insult Jake in interviews to the point it permanently damaged his mental health. They even harassed his mom and continued to make those awful podracing jokes after the car-chase incident. He didn’t deserve any of this. And people still continue to ridicule him. I have seen people joke about him being unattractive compared to Hayden Christensen which is just so shallow and mean. Anakin is a fictional character - he can be played by any actor as long as it is convincing. 

You’re right about TCW, that’s one of the reasons why I can never accept it (no matter how much I overlook the other terrible retcons). They were made to “fix” the prequels and even George was forced to change his characters a little because of the intense backlash. TCW caters to those horrible bullies and introducing that Ahsoka character wasn’t the best decision. You know, I once saw a video where fans voted for their favorite Jedi and she came in no. 2 and one of the common reasons they provided was because they found her attractive. Now female characters in a male dominated fandom have always been sexualized but the number of times TCW sexualized a minor is disturbing. And of course, Filoni’s blatant bias for his OC is extremely annoying. TCW caters to the fanboys’ ideals of toxic masculinity and are indirectly supporting these bullies. It started this trend of changing the prequel characters to make them more “acceptable” and “stereotypical” because fans can’t grasp the concept of complex and emotional characters and changing the “cheesy” romance to an abusive/unhealthy one to make it more “realistic”. Star Wars is more like a fairytale, even George said it’s a space opera. It’s meant to be dramatic and have mythical themes. But fanboys absolutely love these changes because now the prequels have been “improved” like this show was made specifically to please them and apologize for the prequels. They complain about how prequels ruined characters like Darth Vader because sometimes you should be able to use your imagination to fill in the gaps but TCW was that gap. The originals left so many valid unanswered questions like who was the Emperor (and how could he use force lightning), what was the clone wars, how exactly did Anakin fall from grace and who was Luke and Leia’s mother? The prequels answered them all and did a fantastic job at world-building. TCW is the unnecessary extension, we didn’t need to see their everyday lives and still if anyone was curious the 2003 CW was there to bridge the gap perfectly while staying true to the characters and keeping the tone consistent.

I agree with you on the sequels. I have never been invested in them in the first place to be outraged. I was bored watching TFA and its unoriginal plot, mildly amused at how ridiculous the TLJ was and just confused at how pointless and messy TROS was. So yeah the trilogy served those people right who thought a shallow unoriginal remake of ANH “revived” Star Wars after its creator “ruined” it and thought a director (whose other films are not very original either) could do better than one of the most creative and intelligent men in Hollywood.

Star Wars is so much more than these pointless action movies with stereotypical action heroes. George had combined elements from mythology, history, literature, science fiction, fantasy to create a beautiful story with symbolism, depth and a great message. The prequel trilogy and the original trilogy are two halves of that story and both are needed to complete the saga. Hollywood and these fans don’t deserve George Lucas. They disrespected him and his work.

[innovativestruggles]

To my lovely beautiful DaiSuzu fans,

I recently received a very rude ask from a toxic Daiharu fan telling me how all DaiSuzu shippers are “disgusting” and “gross” for shipping relatives, and how they “can’t stand straight people and their need to always force heterosexual ships,” especially in relation to “Daisuke and Suzue who clearly do not have mutual feelings for each other.”

Not only do I find this incredibly offensive but I see it as extremely discriminative as well. This goes far beyond the realm of shipping and enjoying anime content and debates. It is a deliberate and personal attack on DaiSuzu shippers and the real people behind the screen. 

This person’s behaviour is absolutely repulsive and completely hypocritical. To group people in the same bracket as gross and disgusting just for shipping characters is beyond belief.

I have chosen not to publicly post the ask because I will not be spreading negative content. And I know it is probably what this troll wants. I want to let this person know that their behaviour is abusive, disrespectful and NOT okay.

I am already seeing an escalation of abuse towards Suzue and DaiSuzu shippers post-Episode 8. I am disgusted with how this fandom operates and its treatment towards other fans and women in general (fiction or not!). Because as soon as there is some sort of intimacy between heterosexual couples (re; Daisuke and Suzue), toxic fans feel the need to express their anger and frustration on DaiSuzu shippers who are happily minding their own business.

Keep your bloody opinions to yourself. We do not want to hear it. I am appalled by this vile behaviour and I can see why some fans have dropped the show completely. It’s because they do not feel safe expressing their opinions and their ships and their love for their characters. You toxic daiharu shippers need to take a closer look at yourself and how your abusive behaviour impacts on others.

I have already posted my own reason as to why I ship Daizue. Do you think us DaiSuzu shippers would just waltz out there and decide to condone incest? Ffs! Our reasoning behind our shipping of DaiSuzu is much more complex than you deciding to ship two male characters who breathe the same air.

To the novel readers who are invested in Daizue’s relationship. I am so sorry that you feel misunderstood and berated by toxic anime fans. I am sorry that they undermine your interest in both the novel and the anime. You have the rights to ship Daizue in the novel as much as in the anime, and feel frustrated that the anime screwed up Suzue’s relationship status to Daisuke. You also have the rights to feel unsettled and confused and unsure and still wanting to ship Daizue in the anime without having toxic fans accuse you of shipping incest. It is confusing as both a novel reader and an anime watcher and I completely understand the limbo position you are stuck in when it comes to DaiSuzu.

But please remember this. Those toxic daiharu fans are responsible for their own actions, and it is not any of us DaiSuzu shippers’ fault for wanting to enjoy the anime and ship these two beautiful characters. 

Daizue’s relationship status at this stage is still unknown. The anime creators have propositioned intimacy/romance between Daisuke and Suzue from the OP. It is clear as day. Any non-anime watcher who looks at that OP of Daizue would immediately think romance. So if that is what the anime creators are bringing across to fans then there is even more of a reason not to be embedded with feelings of guilt for shipping them.

I say this once more. Our little group of DaiSuzu shippers may be small, but we will not stand for abuse of fans or of Suzue. Suzue may be a fictional character, but the fact that she is hated because she is female and because she is a threat to daiharu, is internalised misogyny at its finest. Considering the vast majority of toxic daiharu shippers are women themselves, it is atrocious that you even think along the lines of condoning violence against women. And just because it is a fictional female character, it does not excuse you from being misogynistic. It spills over into your own perception and values of women and girls in the real world. Please be mindful of how you portray yourself to others online with regards to hating female characters - because that is an extension of who you are as a person.

Anyways, my precious DaiSuzu shippers, thank you for being so supportive! We are a great community amongst such a toxic fandom. We all keep each other going with our love for Daisuke and Suzue! 

Rest assured that novel Daisuke and Suzue are very happy to hear that we ship them because that was how their relationship was made - for each other ❤️❤️

Yours sincerely,

A novel reader, an anime watcher and a frustrated DaiSuzu shipper

[therealsehinton]

An essay by Susan

Heyyy, so I haven’t made a good post with actual value for a while, so idk how many people are going to see this but I hope a few do. Okay so I’ve been seeing certain discussions on Tumblr that a part of me is like: lol what if I talk about this. Because I love talking. So let’s go.

Let’s talk about toxic relationships in The Outsiders, oopsies. Alright so, I don’t really remember seeing this topic discussed often until recently--people would talk about weird and disgusting shippings, but never toxic. The first kind of post about this I can remember is when @twobitapologist was making a critique on Tally. And ever since then, this particular conversation seems to have blown up, eventually culminating in this phrase that I see often for some reason: all shippings in The Outsiders are toxic.

THAT’S what I want to talk about. I’m a BIG believer in how fiction influences reality, which is why I’m the first person to dive into these talks when they’re being had; if you’re not a believer of that then don’t bother reading because I doubt you’ll care about this idea and its implications. I’m especially wary of romantic pairings especially in fandoms with impressionable young people. And I’m overall glad that we’re all beginning to ALSO be wary of potentially bad relationships, however in that sense, we all have some learning to do because we have to be careful with what we label as toxic and whatnot. 

We critique the characters in The Outsiders often, which is good, it’s good to talk about their flaws. But in the moments we do this it’s like we separate who they are from reality, when actually the whole reason The Outsiders gained popularity was because of relatability. These people that Hinton created resonated with the lives that existed back then and the lives that still exist now, that’s why these characters have flaws in the first place, that’s why they have trauma. They’re a reflection of ourselves and I can tell that we are definitely losing sight of that. The characters were all traumatized, had experienced the effects of death, and lived under the patriarchy--the way people still do today. They acted the way people still do today. Like any other teenage boys, these boys did some shitty, stupid, immature things--and that was the point. I’m not necessarily saying you can’t call them toxic--I don’t want to erase that even though what they did was learned behaviors from society, they were still bad--but if you’re gonna call all those boys and girls toxic, you have to call the people around you and yourselves toxic as well--this children were made to represent you, your insecurities, and your reactions to the pressures of society. 

That being said: they’re kids at the end of the day. Kids get into relationships and kids grow, sometimes--especially when you can’t afford a therapist--these kids grow on their own(I don’t even wanna get into how the whole “they need therapy” rubs me off wrong considering none of them can afford therapy or medication, and it feels like some people are implying poor people who can’t get therapy will never mature by themselves). You can’t gatekeep relationships from poor children, and you can’t deny that, I’m sorry to say this, some relationships are more toxic than others. All teenage relationships are a little fucked, they’re based on immaturity and shared trauma, they lead to codependency and stupid decisions. Teenage relationships are never perfect and they never have been perfect. And some ARE worse than others.

Think about it this way. Say Johnny and Dally DO get therapy, that will result in them growing more and growing out of their extreme one-sided codependency issue. But say Dallas and Tim get therapy, no amount of therapy can erase physical abuse. Like I said, these kids can’t even afford that kind of care, they have to rely on their own personal growth. Time can heal some things, but it can’t heal abuse and established power dynamics--ie, think of Two-Bit being Pony’s babysitter, no matter how close in age they are that’s going to be weird considering their power dynamic, Two will always remember taking care of Pony as a family member would, therefore that’s weird as hell.

And you know, because teenage relationships are so fucked, some people opt to age them up. Which is VALID. It is valid to age up relationships, because, like I said, there ARE some things that time CAN fix--small, SMALL SMALL SMALL, age differences, coping mechanisms, yadda yadda yadda. Please do not hate on people who ship valid aged up shippings, AGAIN, UNLESS that shipping comes with a fucked up, established power dynamic--if someone cared for the younger as a child and saw them as a family member throughout both their youth, that’s going to be a weird power dynamic, if they never were close to them as young people and barely considered them as family, then it’s not that bad. 

We just. Gotta be careful with the words we use. Again, if you don’t care about fiction’s influence on reality--which in some cases, that’s okay, go do you--then don’t bother thinking over this post. This was created with the intent that the way we regard fictional relationships will create a healthier view of what romance can look like in real life--which will help you with your life choices like who you choose to date and even if you realize that romance isn’t something you’ll ever be interested in. Da? Da!