#It's so weird in any other context this feels like a fun little fic but it's actually a canon episode

[kaythefloppa]

Rewatching No Name Dream, and honestly, it is the one Wild Kratts episode that feels the most like a fanfiction.

[jensthwa]

we can't be friends (CS x reader).

part of the love's an uncharted path universe ★.

SUMMARY:

San is your first love. He broke your heart and played with your feelings without even kissing you back when you two were in highschool. Now, many years later, you do your best to avoid crossing paths with him because there's just no way you could ever hate him, but there's also no way you two can be friends again. But his best friend is also one of your best friends, so there's only so much you can do to avoid San when he arranges a dinner you're forced to go to.

PAIRING: first love!choi san x afab reader.

GENRE: one shot (fluff, angst, smut)

WORD COUNT: 20k (yikes).

WARNINGS: SMUT ☽ (MINORS DNI) attempt !!! at comedy, unnecesary pinning, a looot of context, bad friends :(, some arguing, tension, drinking and drunk behavior, tears, making out, description of female anatomy, oral (f reciving), fingering, love making, pet names (babe, baby), flirty seonghwa, wooyoung being a little shit again but also a genius, gyuri almost commiting a crime.

NOTES: hi everyone! this is a lenghty one, i know, but trust me when I say the context is necessary to understand what reader goes through with san. also, some of this may or may not have happened to me (have fun figuring out which part) (it's quite obvious tbh). THIS IS PART OF THE SHOW AND TELL UNIVERSE BUT CAN BE READ AS A STAND ALONE, even though there's some references and characters that you can only know if you read s&t lol. this is 100% self indulgent, as all fics should be, and i think i've re-read it so many times that if you find a typo or something that just doesn't make sense, you can blame it on english not being my first language i guess lmao. i hope you enjoy it and if you do feel free to send/reblog/type in any feedback or thoughts! <3

POSTED: august 06 2024.

permanent taglist: @hotteokkay, @potatomountain, @fairylover68

masterlist.

You and Choi San go way back. 

Well, it's nine years way back? You were only fourteen when you first saw him. 

He moved back to your area of the city a year after you moved from an entirely different one. You thought you knew every school secret there ever was, provided by your new best friend, Gyuri, but she didn't tell you about him at all. 

She claimed that it was because he didn't cause any stir the years they studied together before and after spending a whole first period in your eighth grade classroom with him at the back of the class, silently taking notes, you couldn't phantom why.

He was great at every subject, seemed to have a lot of popular friends and was, overall, a pretty nice guy. He was also very cute, skinny but you could tell he was the kind of guy who played a sport outside of school hours and he had a cute pair of dimples that showed everytime you scanned the classroom just to lay eyes on him. 

Choi San was a perfect boy to crush on, even a perfect guy just to have as eye candy during recess. You felt really strongly about him, not really forming a full opinion although your gut told you right away you were right. There was something about him… but you only figured that something until later, next year, starting your ninth grade. 

Gyuri and you were avid readers. Precocious girls, with minds way above your age. All your teachers praised came laced with the same compliment so you both decided that was the truth. You rejoiced in it, thinking you shared things in common with the grown ups and decided that that was the key to feeling a little superior in comparison to the rest of your classmates, who neither of you liked very much. 

Until they all decided to start dating each other and you two realized you were nothing but two kids with great imaginations and a love for school, praise and fictional men that couldn't be translated to the real world without sounding delusional and weird. 

So you decided to do something about it. And so, on a random Tuesday recess, you two scanned the crowd trying to find two boys (or a boy and a girl, because you always knew you liked girls too) worthy of your affections. One for her, one for you. Bonus points if the two of them were also best friends, of course. 

Double dates were all the buzz at the time anyways. 

Besides, only then they could understand the bond you and Gyuri had. Sisterhood like no other, nevermind Gyuri actually had an older sister and a niece at the ripe age of fifteen. 

And so when your index finger scanned the crowd and eliminated at least three potential crushes before landing on Choi San, you felt like it was meant to be. 

You see, his best friend, Jung Wooyoung, was perfect for Gyuri to crush on. He was almost as tall as she was at the time and his easy, outgoing personality was compatible with her book crush at the time as well. 

He also flirted with her on several occasions before that. 

So it was meant to be. 

Choi San, on the other hand, had never even glanced in your direction before. 

Just like your book crush did before he fell in love with the main character. 

See? Meant. To. Be. 

It was decided then that, although Choi San was not going to be your first crush ever, he was going to be the guy that motivated you to be at school for the time being, because math gets really boring after trying and failing at least ten times. 

You thought nothing of it when it felt a little forced, when you couldn't blush at all at the sight of him and you gathered that it didn't need to happen like in the books you read. You simply needed to say his name when someone asked you if you had a crush on anyone and that was enough to be in symphony with the rest of your classmates. 

Your longing glances were caught once or twice by him and you brushed the weird flip your stomach did everytime he looked away, blushing a little. You never really cared when it happened, really, knowing his crowd and your crowd (Gyuri and you) would never even cross paths in the first place. 

You two kept to yourselves and your little book unofficial book club, sitting on the floor at lunch time and cursing everyone who dared to call you weird for it. San and Wooyoung had a crowd of people at the loudest table laughing with them over stupid teen jokes and, uh, sports? You didn't even know. 

And then the unimaginable happened. 

Jung Wooyoung sat down, criss cross applesauce and everything, in front of you on a random Monday afternoon while you and Gyuri discussed the english assignment due next period. 

Gyuri was not too excited about that. 

Turns out, the only one excited to have a crush at school was you. She was very much still in the Lonely Hearts Club phase while you skipped all the way to your The Notebook phase and she was, in her own words, too afraid to admit it when you came up with your crush plan. 

You forgave her, of course, and decided to wait for her as long as needed because you were certainly not about to be an individual and have a crush on your own. 

And by the time Wooyoung smiled at you both and introduced himself to you, like you weren't in the same class for a year already, you thought your pretend crush on his best friend evaporated and joined the void superficial and fleeting interests you had. 

But then Choi San sat beside him, his knee brushing against yours in the process, and you knew you would have to issue a formal apology to your best and only friend for leaving her behind on this little thing. 

Because, oh boy, were you crushing on Choi San. 

You felt the blush rush to your cheeks and then fell silent while your friend and his friend discussed Fifty Shades of Grey for some reason you never cared enough to discover and you knew you were done for.

It was the first time seeing his dimples in full action, so close to you, so you completely stopped functioning all together. Amazing. 

When you decided to have a crush, you never took into account that you were, actually, quite shy. And he really wasn't, but you noticed that he knew when to talk and what to say and with your friend being a lot more outgoing that you were it gave you the comfort that she would speak for the both of you while you admired from the sidelines as your little duo became a group of friends you still miss deeply to this day. 

He was funny and you laughed at your jokes even though you pretended to be tired and completely worn out by the school day, resting your head on Gyuri’s shoulder and stealing glances at the boy while she kept arguing with his best friend. 

Wooyoung was popular and liked enough to have a few people sit with you later that week, people who never even knew you existed before that. They were good friends with San as well, so you tried your best to keep up with everyone until she sat down next to you one day. 

Arin was not really a bad person. She just was a bit conceited, calling herself princess type of conceited and you never really related to her even if she was nice to you to your face. She was absolutely gorgeous and, you found out with Wooyoung’s arm around your shoulder and a whisper to your ear, she had been San’s crush since they were both in elementary school. 

That would explain the sudden tension at the table when she sat down next to you, said hello to everyone, offered you a sweet she just bought from the cafeteria, and stared at San for the remainder of lunch time. 

You also noticed Wooyoung glaring at her a little and he later explained to you that he didn't really like her all that much. She loved attention and San gave her attention, so she would intentionally flirt with him to get her ego stroked in return. 

It didn't really matter how he felt about the girl, though, he didn't have to like her just because his best friend did. And when you caught her batting her eyelashes at San, you knew you didn't even stand a chance.

You tried to hide the disappointed look on your face but both Gyuri and Wooyoung looked at you while the two of them flirted endlessly for the remainder of lunch time and you figured you were doing a pretty shitty job at it. He didn't glance at you once either way, so it didn't really matter. 

Arin did but she just complimented your eyes and then started a conversation with someone across the table, her annoying sweet and fake voice making your right ear ring in disapproval. 

Either way, you ended up becoming her friend. Gyuri was not very fond of her and neither were you, but you all went to the bathroom together, did your makeup together, did school projects together and then sat everyday at lunch together with the rest of the guys who were, in one way or another, trying to get her to like them. 

Because, once again, she was a sight for sore eyes. 

It wasn't until later, in the middle of the year, that one of them did. Not Choi San, but Choi Yeonjun. 

You remember the day you found out they were together and the gut wrenching concern you felt when you found out that San was not at school that day. 

It was after summer break, you remember Wooyoung telling you that San and his family took a few more days of vacation and if you couldn't believe your eyes when you saw the new couple sharing a sweet kiss at the designated lunch table, you could only imagine how San felt the next day when he saw the same image right in front of him. 

Yeonjun was his friend, right? He knew about his crush and decided to get together with her anyways. Surely, San was devastated. 

But he wasn't. He just cheered them on and then laughed along when Yeonjun shoved his arm playfully after the hollering. 

But you saw through it. 

Your crush on San made you observant. Made you believe you knew him better than everyone else and so, after lunch, you took out your phone and pulled up the notes app. Writing a simple “are you okay?” in it and passing it to him the next second, you were surprised with yourself before you saw him frown a bit. And then he understood what you meant. 

Nodding, he passed you the phone back, before giving you a reassuring smile that you treasured in your heart and saw in your dreams. 

You didn't believe him, though, but stayed close enough to everything related to the situation to hold Arin in your arms when Yeonjun inevitably broke her heart. 

Starting your tenth year, he moved back to his city and decided to play the I thought we weren't even that serious card on her. Which was nasty, considering love it's very, very serious for a sixteen year old girl. 

By this point, you were all a little family and hanging out after school and on the weekends was not unusual, so it didn't surprise you when Arin invited you, and only you, to her house after choir practice on a Thursday. 

She lent you her older sister’s clothes to wear (because her's would never fit you. Her words, not yours) and took you to a walk in the park just to break your heart for the first time ever. 

“You know… I thought love was something I couldn't find in highschool anymore. But San it's really making an effort, you know? He's been there for me ever since Yeonjun left and… Well, I think he's going to ask me to be his girlfriend tomorrow.” 

Grasping the park bench she forced you to sit at, you only nodded and let out a shuddering breath that gave away what she was trying to figure out since earlier that day. 

“I'll say yes but only if you say it's okay to do so.” 

Arin was not really your friend, the same way Yeonjun was not really San’s friend. 

Because there's no way you would ever be okay with it. 

And yet, you tried your best to give her a smile and pretend the sound of your heart breaking didn't bring tears to your eyes “Of course it's okay. Why wouldn't it be?” 

A week later, they were officially dating. The rumors spread around like a wildfire and it took out of you with everyone calling San a nasty rebound and you doing your best to prioritize the ghost of the friendship you had with him. That whole fiasco lasted a few months. 

Months in which your friendship with everyone just grew stronger. Gyuri was still your best friend, Wooyoung was crushing on her hard and everyone knew, Arin and San were a steady couple, a new girl joined your class that year, named Yeri, and the principal assigned her to you because she thought you two would get along really well. 

“I like girls,” was like, the third thing she ever told you while you were showing her the school “I'm just telling you now because I don't plan on hiding it and you are wearing a pride pin.” 

“Oh, that's cool. I like girls too,” you smiled, looking at your pride pin “I didn't hide it either and no one gave me shit about it, so, don't worry.” 

Yeri also liked the mainstream music that you liked and soon she became a new addition to your group. And with Arin spending all of her free time with San, you, Gyuri and Yeri only grew closer and closer. You didn't have Arin’s voice in your ear telling you the million reasons she found Yeri uncool, but you saw it in her face every time the table laughed at one of Yeri’s jokes. 

And so, it went on for a while: 

Your mom driving all of you around in her car to the beach, to dinner, to the movies and letting you have mixed sleepovers at your house (meaning you, Arin, Gyuri, Wooyoung, Yeri and San) was fun and all, but it was not enough to distract yourself entirely. Everytime you glanced at the couple, that sinking feeling in your chest would appear and sulk your whole mood for, at least, fifteen minutes.  

Fifteen minutes of pretending you were okay with them before forgetting completely for an hour or so and then the cycle would repeat until you were alone staring at the ceiling and doing your best to not cry about it.

All it took was your first kiss being Yeri of all people for you to decide that it was time to retire your crush for Choi San once and for all. 

And for a while, it all went according to plan. You decided to tell Gyuri that it was okay because he was your friend first and the guy that you liked second and that you were not fourteen and desperate for love anymore, that it was time to go on with your life as if nothing really happened in the first place. 

You were hooking up with Yeri anyways, so it seemed like you were doing just fine. 

You grew closer to San as well and even though he mostly talked to you about Arin and whatever tantrum she was throwing at the time, you really started to feel some sense of normalcy within you when it came to just speaking to him. 

You no longer blushed when he made you laugh, you no longer looked at him with the longing of a past life lover and you were really happy for him because, at the end of the day, he was really happy with his relationship. 

Until winter break came around and Arin decided to give San his first heartbreak ever. 

She decided to call for a break in their relationship because she was, in his words, too overwhelmed with the amount of love and attention she was getting from him. 

Which was completely fucking insane considering the fact she forced him to save her contact as Princess Arin and all. 

So naturally, you sided with him. And she didn't take it to heart because everyone knew you liked San anyways. 

She told you the news herself through Facebook after asking you to explain to her the English assignment due next day and then she decided to tell you something you'll never understand because you no longer are on speaking terms with her: 

Princess Arin: u know i broke up with him because of u right? :) 

Princess Arin: one day I'll tell u all abt it. 

She never told you anything about it. And by then, you were starting your last year and San was your best friend who hung out with you everyday after school, calling you late at night and helping you with assignments through Skype. So you didn't really care. 

And as the day passed, you started understanding the connection they talked about in books and movies. You thought you did before, Gyuri being your eternal person in this world, but it felt so different with San. 

Different and good. Different and achy enough for you to want to keep it in your life. 

Your dynamic was friendly, sure, but it was alright. It consisted of banter and daring stares as well as laughter and soft moments you treasured till this day. 

“It's way too early to be this annoying, Choi San.” 

“Oh, you think this is me being annoying?”

You both got an hour of detention for disturbing the class that day. 

You loved it. 

But then, after almost a month of picking up the broken pieces of his heart one by one, and your mother giving him a self-help book to make him regain the confidence he lost during the breakup process, you realized that you were in love with him and there was nothing you could do about that. 

You noticed one friday afternoon, when he offered to pay for your and your mom's ice cream at the drive through, when he scrambled to get all the change he had on him to leave a tip for the person who handed you guys the sweet treat, that there was no way you didn't love him. 

And it was confusing as fuck when everyone else started to tell you he had feelings for you as well. 

“Think about it. You text each other good morning everyday” Yeri listed with her finger and you nodded “Then, you go to school, sit together and spend the rest of the day together” another nod “Then after school you either go get ice cream together or hang out for a bit with your mom while she drives him home. And after that, you get on Skype for the reminder of the afternoon and then he calls you on your house phone and you two spend the rest of the night talking before falling asleep on the line together,” she looked at you like you were insane for even denying the accusations made against San, but she continued anyway “And then it's rinse and repeat and it has been that way since… What? Three months ago?” 

You nodded again, defeated. 

“Girl, he likes you.” she sighed, annoyed and a little tired, before sitting on your lap and kissing your lips affectionately “And you're here making out with me instead of him. You really are a lost cause.”

That didn't stop you from hooking up with her until she found a girl who's heart was not reserved for someone else, though. Said girl went to a different school and was a year younger than all of you, but she looked very happy and stopped secretly kissing you in the school bathroom like a week after they met. 

And when she finally told everyone, you were really happy for her, but San not so much. 

It was the night you thought everything was about to change. The night you thought he was about to kiss you or you were about to kiss him, whatever happened first. 

Laying in your bed, facing each other in the dim light, he thought it was the biggest form of betrayal and pouted the whole time he explained to you why. 

He thought you liked her and you realized he didn't really pay attention to you after all. Not the way you did with him. 

Bless his heart. 

You didn't kiss him that night because he wouldn't shut up about you and Yeri. 

“I mean, why couldn't it be you? She clearly liked you if you two were hooking up for over a year” and when his hand came to rest on your back, under your shirt, you breath hitched enough for him to notice it but not enough for him to just don't do anything about it except trace the curve of your silhouette with the pad of his thumb “I don't understand why anyone would pass the opportunity to be with you.” 

Huh. Maybe he did have feelings for you. 

No. He's just being a great best friend. Don't take that for granted. 

But it was impossible for you not to take Yeri’s words seriously as time went on. 

You didn't want to think he was giving you mixed signals, but yet again there was that one time when you reached behind your passenger seat in your mothers car to pinch his leg playfully after he pulled on your hair a little bit from behind, only to end up holding his hand the rest of the car trip to his house. 

His fingers slowly caressing the back of your hand were just too much for you not to get everything mixed up. 

Or that other time when your school held a Woman's Day event, and your class president decided that all the boys in the class were going to give roses to the girls.

When it was your turn to get a rose, you knew no one would give you one. But Yeri stood in line and collected a rose from the bin before the class president had the opportunity to say anything else. 

“I'll take that, thank you very much.” She turned to you, smiling. San blocked her way to you a second after. 

“And just what do you think you're doing?” 

“Giving my best girl a rose, of course.” She peeked around him, giving you a wink that you could only roll your eyes to. 

San turned to you, the fondness in his eyes making you question the decision of not pretending to be sick that day. It was too much for you to handle. 

“To the back of the line, then. I already called dibs on her,” he turned to your friend, snatching the rose from her hand in one swift move “I'll take that, thank you very much.” 

He had no idea what that meant to you back then. It was true that, at school, he behaved a little differently than when you two were alone. 

He was athletic, so he had some friends that you were sure used to ask him what the fuck was he doing wasting his time with a girl like you instead of getting a new girlfriend. 

He had a family that didn't approve of yours, too. You felt it the first time you met his mom and, even though she was nice to you and your mom, you could feel the judgemental stare she gave both of you when your mom told her she was a single parent. 

San told you that it didn't really matter, that his mom didn't have to like you because you weren't her friend, you were his. 

He played with your feelings a little too well. Wanting him, adoring him and letting yourself be consumed by the thought of him loving you back was enough to keep it going. To ignore the fluttering way your heart kept beating whenever he talked to you which was all the time. 

You assumed the way he behaved with you in private was the real him. The one who didn't care about appearances or his family approval. 

The one who cared about you. 

It was dizzying and fantastic and you thought he just might've been the love of your life. 

But then he would tell you how much it hurted when he saw Arin at school and how much he missed her, the intimacy they shared before, and reality would come crashing down and setting your delusions on fire again. 

He had sex with Arin. You would never stand a chance. 

Or so you thought he did. Except when you overheard Arin speaking to her friends and that was the first time you ever got mad at Choi San.

“And, you know, me and San were never intimate like that so I wouldn't know but I think boys have no idea how to please a woman if they tried to.” 

What? 

Oh. So he lied to you. 

And you were so upset by the thought of him making up stories of their intimate time together that it didn't even cross your mind that Arin might've been lying to save face. 

So when he came back from the bathroom and sat at his usual desk in front of you, you didn't even think about his feelings when you decided to treat him like shit for lying about something so important like sex to your face. 

“Leave me alone, San! I don't want to fucking talk to you right now!” 

The hurt expression he gave you after that is one you would never be able to forget. 

But you grew to be stubborn and a little overprotective of your own feelings, so you thought him playing the part of your best friend all these months and sweet talking to you was just another one of his lies. 

“You guys not being friends right now doesn't make any fucking sense, sweetheart.” Wooyoung's tone is careful and laced with affection, but you knew he was playing the devil's advocate on behalf of San. With his arm around Gyuri’s shoulder (by that point, they were a thing for over two months) you could swear you saw him smirk when the nickname brought a scowl to your face. 

He might've been worried, but he was also a little shit. 

“You really are going to let Arin ruin what you two have?” Your best friend was, of course, on your side. But she was your best friend for a reason and her love included pointing out when you were behaving like an infant at the age of seventeen and a half. 

“You two are practically dating and you're going to let the evil ex-girlfriend get in the way? Over something you weren't even supposed to hear in the first place? Come on.” 

Again, Wooyoung was a little shit. And you were so upset about everything that you shyness couldn't even help the fury behind your reply: 

“Stop saying that! We are not practically dating, he's in love with Arin and I'm not sure I even like him like that anymore!” Getting tired of everyone and their mother (your mother) feeding your delusions, you came to the conclusion that putting a stop to your friendship with Choi San was for the best. 

And, in doing so, you ended up breaking your own heart for the second time in your life. 

But he didn't put up an easy fight at all. You remember the feeling of pure joy when he grabbed your hand on the way to the cafeteria one day, pulling you so hard you almost ended up sitting in his lap, and the way his pleading eyes begged you to listen to him one last time. 

“Us not being friends doesn't feel right, Y/N…” he said and the word he used to categorize what both of you had hurted you, but you pushed the feeling away “Please, let's not fight anymore. I don't even know what happened, but I forgive you for yelling at me and I hope you forgive me for whatever it is you think I did.” 

Of course, you forgave him the next second without thinking too much about it. And for a while, everything went back to normal. You Skyped as usual and occasionally you let your other friends join the call even though it didn't really feel like it used to before. 

The next thing you knew, your feelings were in full bloom again and when you realized it, it was too late. 

Because by then, you had already let your childhood friend, Sunhee, join a few Skype calls and by the fourth one she invited her friend, Minseo, to them as well. 

Terrible, terrible mistake. Because even through the screen, you could see that Minseo looked a lot like Arin with the added bonus that she was down to earth and cool and liked the same things San liked.

You liked the same things San liked as well, but it never seemed to matter. 

Because not even two months after you decided to stop talking to San over a lie you weren't supposed to find out in the first place and then became friends one more time, he gets together with Minseo and you're sick to your stomach all over again. 

You hated her. Not because she was, suddenly, his girlfriend (not girlfriend girlfriend, but in a friends with benefits arrangement you never even knew why he agreed on in the first place) but because suddlenly she was so fucking obnoxious and didn't seem to like you either. 

Was it not painfully obvious San didn't have feelings for you? Why was she mad at you then? You literally brought them together! 

And all you got in return was her telling him she didn't feel comfortable with him having a girl best friend. That ungrateful bitch. 

He stopped calling. He stopped texting, he stopped carpooling with you and your mom after school and he stopped caring whether your math assignment was done or not. 

He stared pulling away more and more and it didn't matter how hard you tried to get him to talk to you, it seemed like he never really fucking cared about you in the first place. 

And by may that year, you didn't speak to San anymore. Granted, the only person he did speak to was Wooyoung, but even their friendship was falling apart. 

For the first time ever, San broke your heart firsthand. And it felt really, really fucking bad. 

You cried to your mom about it, she reminded you that you were nothing but a great friend to him and that, if he didn't take the time to appreciate that, that was his loss not yours. 

And she started hating him from that moment on. But you couldn't hate San, not even a little bit. 

Why would you hate him for not liking you back? For not loving you the way you loved hi— 

Your laptop closes down right in front of you and when you try to look up to find out who's responsible for interrupting your writing time, you get interrupted again. 

“Ouch! What the fuck, Gyuri?” the slap to the back of your head is quick and fill with rage. 

“What the fuck are you even writing. I can read from here, you know?” 

“I'm just laying my feelings down and— Ouch! Stop that!” You try to hit her back but she turns away quickly when your hands almost knock her coffee mug out of hers. 

“You can't possibly still have love for San, Y/N. It's been years.”

It's been four and a half, to be precise. But who's counting, right? 

“And why are you writing it in third person? You don't usually do that.” 

“I don't really know, Gyuri!” 

“I’m telling you, this celebratory dinner bullshit it's affecting you way more than it should,” she sighs, plopping down on the couch of your shared living room, and you leave your seat at the table to join her “He might not even show up. He has that thing with Kyungmi.” 

Kyungmi. 

You couldn't get to that part on your open document, but San left Minseo when he met Kyungmi at one of the frat parties they love to attend. Wooyoung told you that he said that it was love at first sight and you even met her briefly when you picked Gyuri up from the apartment he and San got when they started college together. 

She’s gorgeous and doesn't look like Arin or Minseo at all. It’s a different type of gorgeous. She's a year older than San and went to the same school as them and Gyuri. 

You think you might even like her better than him. 

You tried to be happy for San when you found out, but you two barely even speak a word to each other and you convinced yourself a while ago that you couldn't care less if he sees right through you and your fake smiles. 

You gathered, after everything happened, that San knew you liked him and took advantage of that. Unintentionally, but he did anyway. 

You sigh, resting your head on your best friend's shoulder. “It’s his best friend's celebratory dinner, though, he needs to be there.” 

Two seconds pass and then you both say it at the same time: “He’s in love.” 

And when San is in love, he has a one track mind with the name of his lover as the goal. 

You nod, but you can't help but to be insistent “It's Wooyoung's celebratory dinner, he needs to show up, right?” 

“I might not even show up, he's a pain in the ass.” She replies but you can tell her annoyance is not genuine and it makes you smile. 

Gyuri and Wooyoung broke up towards the end of your first year of college but you all stayed close friends. A one year relationship was not enough to fuck up the friendship they had and they decided to stay civil until, eventually, they became close friends again. 

To this day, you wonder why you and San couldn't rekindle your friendship when it became clear to you that you missed your friend and not the guy that you liked. 

Because San was always your friend first and your first love second. 

But it doesn't really matter anymore, because Gyuri is forcing you to shower and reminding you that you two need to keep Wooyoung on his best behavior tonight. 

“That girl he used to like before me is going, he said. I looked her up, she's single and he needs to get together with her because I can't take him whining about it anymore.” 

They keep things with each other way too civil, you think. 

“I'm telling you, if we don't show up he's going to do that thing where he gets drunk and makes a fool of himself. I can't have that, I'm on a mission.” 

“A mission to get your ex laid?” You ask, shampooing your hair. 

“A mission to get him a girlfriend so he can stop crying to me about feeling lonely.” 

“Maybe he wants you guys to—” The shower curtain opens and you see your best friend’s scowl before covering yourself up with your hands. 

“Gyuri!”

“Don't you dare say what you were about to say or I'm divorcing you.” 

You chuckle “Sure you are.”

You're left alone again with the water stream and she goes back to do her makeup “I told you back in ninth grade that we weren't a great fit and I was right. We can't get back together,” she sighs “It'll ruin everything.” 

“I doubt it will but you guys have been friends longer than you were boyfriend and girlfriend, so I'll just have to deal with my parents being divorced and civil.” 

“God, don't ever refer to us like that again— Oh! Speaking of parents,” you see her beam at her phone when you move the shower curtain to search for your towel and then she shows it to you “Mingi and Love just celebrated their one year anniversary!” 

Love being Mingi’s best friend. Gyuri talks to you about her college friend group all the time. The drama fuels your dinner conversations, you even follow a few of them on social media. 

“What does that have to do with parents?”

“They're the mom and dad of the group.” 

San is in that friend group, you can see him in the back of the picture and you recognize his apartment layout too. He's not the main focus of it but he's all you can see until you notice the couple sitting near him on the couch. 

The picture shows both of them, her in his lap and Mingi looking at her with stars in his eyes. 

Good for them. 

“Is that the girl he was friends with forever before they finally realized that they were in love?” 

“Yeah,” she sighs in contempt, looking down at the picture again “I was there the day it happened. I mean, not physically with them, but they left Yunho's party together and I told Wooyoung that it was finally about to happen!”

Gyuri is not a romantic person at all. Her excitement shows you that she really loves them and so you soften at the news that would usually give you and your dry love life a headache “It was the day before you called me to get you out of that awful date.” 

Ah, that also happened back then. You shudder at the memory.

“Tell them I say congrats, babe.” 

“I'm bringing you as my plus one.” 

You laugh, confused “To where?” 

“Their wedding, duh.” 

“They practically just got together,” you remind her, a year is not enough time to propose “And I don't really know them, Gyuri!” 

“They love you,” she assures you as you step out of the shower “I have been speaking about your antisocial ass for years. They can't wait to meet you.” 

“So you've been shit talking behind my back for years? Is that what I'm hearing?” 

She laughs “No, babe, that's Wooyoung's job.” 

Clearing your throat and looking at your friend through the mirror, you try to be as nonchalant as you can when you ask: “Has he… Did he tell you if…” 

“No, Y/N, I have no clue if San is going or not and Wooyoung is actually mad at him at the moment.” 

“Why?” 

She looks at you, sighing “He's been lacking as a friend lately.” 

“Hm.” 

“I hope you're not planning on swooning if you see him. Fuck him, Y/N.” 

“I know…” 

“And by fuck him I mean he doesn't deserve you or your forgiveness.” 

“He didn't do anything to me, Gyuri,” you remind her, shrugging “Not reciprocating my feelings is not a crime so I don't have to forgive him for anything.” 

You can practically feel her starting the San hate train engine, so you step out of the bathroom but her voice follows you. 

“And what about that time he ditched you for Minseo when you asked him to go with you to that medical appointment, huh?” 

“Cut it out, Gyuri…” 

But her head peaks around the corner, into the hall where you're rushing towards your room “Or that time when—” 

“Can't hear you!” Turning to look at her, she gives you an affectionate middle finger and heads back to the bathroom.

Closing the door, you lean into the thin wood and sigh, getting San’s face out of your mind so you can focus on getting ready and actually show up for Wooyoung and Wooyoung only. 

He just got a permanent position after completing his internship at a company that's your company's rival. He's going to crush you and steal clients from you but you are genuinely so happy for him. 

You should've guessed he enjoyed books as much as you did back in highschool. The debates he used to have with Gyuri were not all about flirting with her but also because he has a passion for books. 

And now he's going to work in the same field as you.

You're so proud of your friend. 

As you get ready, you remember the excitement cruising through your body when your boss trusted you enough to give you the first manuscript of a new client so you could edit it. You're sure Wooyoung is going to do better than you, taking into account that he actually went to college for this. 

You didn't. 

You met your boss at the part-time job you got in senior year, when you were trying to distract yourself from all the pain and the horrors of becoming a grown up. She was chatty, got a little too drunk on soju and told you she was starting her own book publishing company. 

When she returned months later after remembering that you told her you loved books and would love to work for as a publisher one day, she offered you a job in her company right after graduating highschool. 

You took it because you didn't think an opportunity like this would show up ever again. 

She was truly a blessing, the kind of person you never really believed in until she taught you all you needed to know about publishing and editing and encouraged you to take online classes during the nights so you could get, at least, a certification on what you do. 

You're proud of yourself too. The opportunity found you in a specific moment of your life where both your heart and your self esteem were destroyed and now you're not the person you used to be. 

Maybe that's why the possibility of facing San makes you so nervous. Collective memories are dangerous because the details never match the ones on the other person's head. 

You know who you were back then but… Are you the same person in San’s head? 

You don't even want to find out. 

Scanning your outfit in the mirror for the last time, you take the shoes you're wearing tonight out of your closet and walk over to the living room. 

Only to find Gyuri laying on the carpet under the coffee table, half dressed and on her phone. 

“You're going to mess up your hair.” 

“I don't care, I'm not going.” 

Sighing, you seat down on the couch and staring at the wood of the table covering her face. 

“What happened now?” 

“The bitch canceled!” 

“Wooyoung?” 

Poking her head out, she frowns at you “No, his first love.” 

“You were his first love.” 

“You know what I'm talking about, Y/N!” 

Laughing at her, you offer her your hand “Get dressed. Who cares if she's not going? He's not going to sulk because he's going to have you and his best friends there.” 

She whines like a child when you pull her up from the floor “I had a plan!” 

“Then make a new one, babe. We're going to be late.” 

She starts to whine again but then stops mid-groan to give you a once over. You shift uncomfortably on your feet, suddenly self-conscious about your appearance for the first time in years. 

“You look really hot…” she tells you and you fake gag at her words “Really pretty. Like a fairy and a smoke show at the same time.” 

You can't possibly look like that when you have such a simple outfit on, floor length high waist black pants and a flowy sleeve top that ties in the middle. It's barely formal but now you're thinking too hard about it. 

Blushing, you wave your hand to dismiss her compliment “Oh, my god. Go and change!” 

She rushes to her room on the opposite end of the hall and you finally breathe, looking down at your choice of fit and wondering if it's too much. 

Gyuri would've told you if that's the case, but either way it haunts your mind in the car on the way there, leg bouncing up and down under your best friend's judging gaze that only softens when you pout at her. 

“They are going to love you, babe. I'm so serious, they've been waiting years to meet you.” 

You nod because, yes, you're concerned that her friend group is not all as welcoming as she paints them to be. 

And you wish your doubts would go away but you're really, really not good at making friends. You're cautious, extremely closed off to new people and not as good with conversation no matter how much confidence you gained over the past years. 

When you walk to the loudest table at the laid back restaurant their friend Seonghwa made the reservation at, you think you won't be able to fit in with everyone else. You feel like an intruder, like Gyuri is supposed to enjoy this part of her life without you here. 

That's why you rejected every invitation they ever made. 

You celebrate birthdays with her, with Woo as well, but it's all very intimate and separate from their social circle, the one that includes the man you haven't fully faced in years. 

But you can't exactly back out now, not when one of them turns to you and seems to light up when they see you. 

“Oh? Is this her?” you recognize Hongjoong from pictures, he's the only one facing you when you approach the table, lowkey hiding behind Gyuri like a child. 

“Who?” 

“Huh?”

San is nowhere to be seen. Thank god. 

Slowly, everyone turns around and you see their faces light up with both delight and surprise. Your heart is pounding, you feel it in your throat, in your eyes, in the heat that colors your cheeks. 

But Gyuri just steps aside and presents you with a smile “This is her!” 

“Oh, Y/N!” Wooyoung gets up, rushing towards you and crashing into your frame with a crushing hug “I'm so glad you're here,” he murmurs into your hair and then turns to his friends, quiet them down “Everyone, this is Y/N, one of my best friends in the entire world.” 

He's such a dramatic human being.

You love him so much. 

Raising your hand, you shyly wave at them “Hi.” 

The entire table erupts with joy. Some of them greet you, some of them are saying that they are happy to be finally meeting you and Wooyoung grabs your arm and plops you down into the seat next to Gyuri, at the edge of the table. 

Laughing, you apologize for not meeting them sooner and then you feel a pair of hands on your shoulders. 

Panic raising, you quickly turn around to see who it is before releasing a shuddering, but calmer, breath. 

“She's a very busy woman, guys. She works for the competition, my competition,” everyone gasps at that but Wooyoung is smiling at you “and she's very good at what she does. Which means she's busy, get off her case,” he puts a glass and a can of beer in front of you “Drink, babe.” 

“Thanks, babe.” You whisper back and he leans in to peck your head before going away. 

Gyuri groans “Stop stealing that from us! It's our thing, Y/N, don't indulge him.” 

“It's his celebratory dinner…” you argue with a laugh that Hongjoong and Mingi follow. 

“Yeah! Can you get off my case tonight, Gyuri?” 

She huffs, wrapping her arms around you “I hate you all.” 

“No you don't!” 

The table laughs and everyone returns to their individual conversations when Woo sits down on his spot. 

There's a few seats left, one besides Mingi and one right in front of you but you don't think too much about it because soon Gyuri gets up to ask Yeosang something and Seonghwa occupies her seat right beside you. 

You think he can sense that you're more shy than you let on, because he doesn't include you in whatever he and Yunho were talking about and waits until he stops talking to him to turn to you. 

“So, you work for a publishing company?” 

The question caughts you off guard and you swallow the beer quickly before nodding “Y-yeah, I… Yeah.” 

He chuckles “You're nervous.” 

“I'm just not as good at meeting people as Gyuri is. She usually does the job and I tag along.” 

“I feel like I know you already, though.” He says, leaning back on his chair. 

“Because she talks a lot about me?” he nods “Yeah, she tends to do that.” 

“Wooyoung also talks a lot about you, San too… Sometimes,” your cheeks heat up and he misinterprets what it means “All good things, I promise.” 

You doubt that. 

Your brain gives you a hundred and one possible things San could've said about you. 

For some reason, none of them are good. But you choose to believe the gorgeous, long haired guy in front of you. 

“Well that's good to hear,” you take another sip of your drink before smiling at him “I was sure Woo was trash talking about me.” 

He shakes his head with a smile “He wouldn't dare, he has Gyuri on his ass all the time and I'm sure she would kill him.” 

“I'm sure she would kill him even if he didn't do it.” 

His smile grows wider “That's true,” he says, looking over at them who are, very coincidentally, fighting about something. You let out a sigh and he laughs again before clearing his throat “So, the publishing company. What kind of books do you like to edit the most?” 

Your smile grows wider too. 

For the next hour, you talk to Seonghwa about your job and how you started in it. He asks you about your classes and the challenges that you face on a daily basis and Wooyoung overhears and ends up joining the conversation as well.

You don't even hear footsteps nearing until a voice cuts everyone off. 

“I'm sorry I'm late!” 

“Baby!” Mingi gets up from his seat, but no one else does so he's stuck between the table and his girlfriend. 

“Oh, that's Love, huh?” you ask Seonghwa, Wooyoung too entertained messing with the couple to hear you anyways. 

“Yeah… Is that how Gyuri refers to her?” He frowns.

“Mhm,” you answer, leaning into him like you're about to tell him an important secret “I'm not supposed to call her that, don't tell her.” 

Seonghwa leans in too, pretending to zip his mouth shut and you laugh. 

The girl wiggles her way into the seat reserved for her and everyone lets out a groan when they smooch each other. You can only giggle and the sound draws her attention to you “Y/N?” 

You quickly nod “Yeah, hi, nice to meet you.” 

“Nice to meet you! Finally, I thought Wooyoung and Gyuri had an imaginary friend,” you laugh, shrugging at the joke “Love your outfit, by the way, are those— Oh, San, hi— Are those jellyfish?” 

You want to answer. You truly do, the yes right at the tip of your tongue, but words leave you when you turn your head around and find San already looking at you with wide eyes.

He looks great, he's a bit more muscular than what the pictures show and than the last time that you saw him, his arms hugging the fabric of the dress shirt he's wearing like it was tailored for him and everything. 

How dare he. 

You wonder if his heart is beating as loud as yours is right now. If he's surprised, disappointed or happy to see you at all. 

“Her favorite animal.” He answers for you “Hi, Y/N.” 

“Hi…” you whisper back and it feels like you're in a trance. He doesn't look away but the table quieting down once again snaps you out of it and you turn to the girl with a wide smile that you hope conceals whatever the fuck you're feeling at the moment “I love jellyfishes. Had a phase as a child when I would exclusively talk about them, too,” you chuckle, nervously, reaching for your earrings instinctively “Gyuri gave them to me as a present last Christmas.” 

You definitely overshared just now. From the corner of your eye you catch your best friend getting ready to step in if needed. 

Love looks at you, then at San (who's just standing next to you without uttering a word) and then back at you again, smiling like she just figured something out “Well, I love them.” 

“Thanks…” 

Coughing unnecessarily loud, Wooyoung gets up from his seat “You're late.” 

It takes a second but San tears his gaze away from you to look at his best friend and you take the opportunity to chug down the rest of your beer “Sorry, something came up.” 

Seonghwa turns at that and looks at him as well “You good?” 

“I am. Did you guys already eat? I'm starving.” 

“Nope. We're about to order. Let me get you a drink, come here.” And just like that, he disappears from your view and you almost sigh in relief. 

“Are you good?” Seonghwa asks you next and you reckon he's very observant. But then again, you're not the most gracious human being when you're in San’s presence, so, you figure everyone else noticed your change of mood as well. 

“Yeah, I just… I haven't seen him in a while and I didn't think he was coming. I was surprised, that's all.” 

“I can see that,” his eyes move around your face for some reason, frowning a little bit but then he seems to let it go, getting the menu closer to you “Okay, good, um… I actually made the reservation here because they have the best samgyeopsal in town.”  

“Do they?” 

“Mhm, so…” 

He helps you pick your food and when it's time to order, he moves back to his seat. Gyuri asks you with her eyes if you're okay, you nod and grab her hand under the table with a tiny smile and then everyone is moving around to make space for San and Woo once they return. 

He doesn't sit in front of you. 

Relief floods you and you can finally feel your muscles relax as he is so far away, at the other end of the table and in the same row of seats, so you don't really see him unless you really try. 

Which you don't, so your food goes down easy and the rest of the night as well.

Until everyone but you and Seonghwa move around their seats and he ends up right in your point of view as you do your best to ignore him and focus on his friend. 

Seonghwa asks you about your hobbies, you tell him that you love to write movie essays on websites no one even cares to read and he asks you to show it to him so he can look it up when he gets home.

“And you've always done this? Since highschool?” 

You nod and he beams “I read like the first three lines and it looks really good, Y/N. Is that why you love books so much? Because you're a writer?” 

“I wouldn't consider myself a writer but… Sure, I love to write.” 

“Did you know this?” he turns to San and your smile drops a little. 

“Know what?” 

“Your friend is an excellent writer.” 

“Oh, I know. She, uh… Used to write stories on her notebook instead of paying attention in math class,” he sips on his drink and at the detail you didn't know he knew, you turn to him fully “I used to read over her shoulder sometimes.” 

“She's really good.” Seonghwa is looking at your phone, still reading “Really smart, too.” 

San’s jaw tenses a little and you can't understand why “I know.” He says again. 

His friend is none the wiser, blocking your phone and returning it to you “I like it,” he says, smiling and you blush “The essay.” He clarifies after a second, prompting a laugh out of you that he joins. 

San doesn't laugh, but you don't pay attention to him because Seonghwa is asking you something else. 

When it's time to leave the restaurant, Wooyoung suggests going back to his apartment to milk the get-together as much as you all can.

You all throw your napkins at him in feign disgust at the choice of words but you all accept his proposal either way. 

So now you're sitting on the couch, legs crossed and head on Gyuri’s shoulder while you listen to all of them talk (more like argue) about something that happened at their university last week, their voices drowning the soft music playing out of the tiny speaker resting on the counter. 

San is on the floor, to your right. It's hard to keep your eyes off him when you feel him looking at you when you close your eyes and let the noise fade into the background. It's not like you're able to add something to the conversation anyway and Gyuri seems to be drinking her sorrows (not being able to hook Woo up with the girl she told you about) away. 

Your best friend is slurring her words already, drink in hand and index finger pointing at Jongho accusatively because, apparently, the fight they're talking about was his fault. 

“You don't—” she hiccups “You don't even know why it was your fault and it pisses me off even more, you know?” 

“Okay, let me take that.” Taking the drink from her hand and before she starts complaining you stand up to make your way into the kitchen. 

The sink is full and a mess, so you pour the liquid into it and leave the glass sitting right beside it. Distracted by the dilemma of helping Woo out with the dishes or not, you don't notice someone else also entering the space.

That's why you jump a little when you turn and catch Seonghwa leaning on the wall by the entrance. It startles you enough to laugh the nerves out afterwards and he shakes his head, smiling. 

“Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. They're boring me to death with the fight story.” 

You nod, realizing that maybe that's because he doesn't attend the university anymore. He told you he graduated last year “They're too drunk to let it go.” 

“Too drunk to dance to this amazing song, too. Who's playlist is that?” he frowns and you rest your back into the sink, rolling your eyes because he's pretending he doesn't know “Oh! Right, it's mine.” 

“And they just don't know how to appreciate it, huh?” he shrugs and you click your tongue “They're such bad friends, Seonghwa, I truly don't know why you keep them around.” 

“You appreciate it,” it's your turn to frown and he leaves his spot at the wall to walk towards you “You were singing along to it,” he explains and you let out an ah, nodding as he extends his palm to you, clearly inviting you to dance. 

“Oh, I don't… I don't really know how to—” 

“I'll show you.” 

His kind eyes are asking you to trust him. You really, really shouldn't. 

No matter how hard you try to bury the hopeless romantic little girl who decided to have a crush on a guy back in ninth grade, she's still there, begging you to let loose and live a little. 

When you grab Seonghwa’s hand, you think the smile he gives you was worth listening to her. 

You can't even tell the song that's softly playing anymore, a mellow r&b melody reaches your ear but you are not listening. You're focused on him, on the way he spins you around even if it doesn't fit the bit, on the way he laughs softly against your ear when he pulls you close by your hand and then pulls away just as quickly. 

Laughing as well, the spell of this beautiful stranger (because you remind yourself you don't really know him that well) is hard to break. 

Until it does. 

Someone clearing their throat behind you stops you and Seonghwa's feet from moving any further. When the tall, older guy turns you around, you're face to face with San and his scowl. 

“Sorry to interrupt but I need to get started on the dishes. Everyone else is heading out too,” he looks behind you, at the man who's still standing close to you and grabbing your hand “In case you want to ask Mingi for a ride.” 

“They finally stopped fighting!” he fakes excitement, finally letting go of your hand and walking in front of you, blocking San with his body. You chuckle, barely clapping your hands to join the pretense as he's pulling up his phone “Can I ask for your number, Y/N?” 

Blinking a few times, you're not sure if your heart speeds up because he's asking or because you hear San sigh exasperated behind him “S-sure.” 

When you put your information on his phone, he bids you goodbye with a pat on your head and hugs San on his way out the kitchen. 

Now that you two are alone, you suddenly want to run and join Seonghwa. You were doing so, so well. 

Avoiding San like the plague it's much easier when you're safe hiding behind your two best friends. 

Ignoring his stare would be much easier if you weren't stuck into place. 

“I—” 

“You—” 

You both speak over each other and you force out an uncomfortable laugh that he doesn't return. Instead, he motions you to go first while he occupies the space in front of the sink, turning the faucet on. In doing so, he has to grab your waist and move you out of the way which makes you short circuit for a second “I was going to help you with that.” You finally stammer out. 

He lets out what you take as an annoyed chuckle. 

“You seemed busy, I don't know how you would've done it.” 

Ouch. 

Why do you allow his words to cut so deep when you stopped caring about what he does a long time ago? 

The band aid rips, the stitches come undone and all it took him were five seconds to melt your resolve away like it was never there in the first place. 

“I'll… I go get Gyuri so we can leave Woo and you to get to it, then.” 

“Bathroom.” You hear him mutter under his breath as you are taking the final step to leave. 

“Huh?” 

“She's in the bathroom, probably puking her breakfast out,” he looks up at you to give you a tiny smile “You left her alone with Jongho and Woo for five minutes so she got ahold of another drink.” 

“God damnit.” 

Rushing out, you run into everyone else at the door and Mingi has to let go of his very intoxicated girlfriend when she reaches you to give you a hug “Don't be a stranger, Y/N! It was lovely to be around you, hm?” 

The sudden physical contact almost makes you gasp but you cover it up with a shy giggle “O-oh. Yeah, um, lovely to meet you too. All of you.” 

“Sorry about that,” her boyfriend grabs her arms and breaks the hug “She's right, though. Don't be a stranger.” 

You nod once, smiling a little more sincerely now and everyone says bye to you, including Seonghwa, who grabs your hand one last time and gives it a squeeze before closing the front door of the apartment. 

You think you feel your heart skip a tiny bit under all the shit San’s words pulled up to the surface a minute ago. But there's no time to dwell in that: you hear Gyuri opening up the bathroom door before gagging and closing it again with a slam. 

Jesus Christ. 

You two are really getting old. You stopped drinking like an hour ago, when you were starting to feel tipsy after your second beer, and you know she didn't drink as much as she used to maybe four years ago, but the visage that welcomes you when you open the door and find her crouched down in front of the toilet certainly brings back memories of those times. 

“I left you alone for like… five minutes.” Sighing, you lean in to hold her flimsy ponytail and pat her back. 

“I'm good,” she gags again and then holds up her hand to stop you from saying anything else “I'm fine.” 

Smiling, you help her up and she grabs the counter as she's washing away the taste of whatever she ate earlier today and alcohol “Me when I lie…”

“Y/N!” she hits your arm but the movement somehow almost makes her trip. 

“You want to lay down?” 

“Is she okay?” Woo’s head peaks into the bathroom and when he sees his ex, he makes a face. 

“Does she look like she's okay?” you help her out of the bathroom and start heading for Wooyoung's room. 

“Wow, wow— Where do you think you're taking her?” 

“To your room, dumbass!”

“Why mine? San's is literally right there.” He whines, pointing at the door you pass by without a second thought. You don't want to know where his room is or what it looks like at all. 

“Yeah, well, did San get her this drunk?” 

“How was I supposed to know that she was at her almost black-out phase? She never drinks that much in front of me!” he complains again but you're already tugging Gyuri in, who mumbles something incoherent and then flips Wooyoung off “Na Gyuri if you puke on my bed I swear to God!” 

If you didn't know Wooyoung so much, the whining and the attitude would probably make you think he didn't care for her at all. But he's brushing her hair out of her forehead, securing the blanket around her and moving to take her socks off when you reach the door. 

“I'm guessing you're okay with her staying the night?” 

“Of course you guys can stay the night, Y/N.” He says and he stumbles a little to get to you, so you smile and shake your head, about to let him know that you're not staying anywhere near his roommate when he continues “You can come over whenever you like. You know that, right?” 

“I know, Woo.” 

“I barely even see you these days, I… Oh! I forgot!” he points to the end of the hall, towards the kitchen “You guys don't really like each other so maybe don't come over when he's here because I don't want to see you sad!” 

“Lower your voice,” you whisper to him, bringing a hand to his face and patting his cheek a few times to wake him up “Did the alcohol suddenly hit you or something?” you sigh for the umpteenth time “Anyways, you should lay down and I'll get going. I'll come pick her up tomorrow and—” 

“That's such a great idea! Oh, I'm a genius.” 

“You didn't come up with it, Wooyoung.”

“San!” he calls all of the sudden and you wish he was sober enough to read the panic on your features. He seems much, much sober when his best friend starts walking down the hall and stops right beside you “Take Y/N home, please, she's going to give you a bag that you must protect with your life.” 

Said best friend looks at you, his eyebrow arched in a silent question “Gyuri’s stuff.” 

“Ah.”

“Go, go. It's getting late, I'll just… I'll cuddle with my ex until you get home.” 

And she has the nerve to say he doesn't want her back. 

When the door to Wooyoung's room closes and you're left with San on the poorly lit hallway, you make a mental note to never step foot on this place or allow your friends to drink ever again. 

You don't even look at the guy before practically running down the hallway and reaching for your bag. You make sure your phone is secured in your pocket as you slip your shoes on and soon you're grabbing the front door knob and twisting it. 

Keys jingle next to you but, again, you don't spare San a glance. 

“So—” 

“I'll get out of your hair, you don't have to… walk me home or whatever he said.” 

“Y/N, it's late.” 

Turning to him, your smile is as fake as the ones you've been giving him the past couple of years “And I'm a grown up, San, I can walk myself home.” 

“What about Gyuri’s stuff?” 

“She can wear Wooyoung's clothes, it's not like they never shared before. Anyway… Thank you for having me, it was nice to see you. Goodnight.” Your response comes out fast and it sounds as planned out as it actually is, kinda robotic and devoid of actual emotion. 

San can't see through you the way you see through him. It's okay, he won't mind it. 

He probably won't mind that you close his own door on his face either. 

If that door is what you hear when you're making your way down the stairs in order to make a fast escape, you choose to ignore it. 

You have to stop mid-way to compose yourself. You don't know why you feel like crying or why your heart is beating so fast. 

You knew going in that there was a possibility of seeing him tonight. You know how San affects you, so effortless and seemingly like no time has passed at all in between senior year and present day. 

You know all of this already, it's an endless loop that will keep repeating until you either move away or decide to stop agreeing to Wooyoung's plans all together. 

So why is your chest heaving with emotion? Why is nostalgia playing mind tricks with you? Why do you want to turn back and hug him and beg him to turn back time so you can do it all differently now that you know how to look like and what to say to make him love you back? 

Ah, you're definitely not sleeping tonight. So you start distracting yourself while walking down the stairs again. You remind yourself to tell a much sober Wooyoung how proud you are of him. You think about Seonghwa, about his kind eyes and the way he grabbed your hand to dance with him just half an hour ago. You wonder how long it will take you to get home if you jog all the way there. You—

Why the fuck is San outside when you get there? 

In a comedic way, you can see your attempt to distract your mind off of him slipping through your fingers and evaporating in the warm summer night breeze. 

In a realistic way, you're fucking pissed at him for taking the opportunity of a good night sleep away from you. 

You pass him and start jogging like you planned a minute ago. Footsteps follow you until his arm brushes yours and you take a step to the side to stop it from happening again. 

“Go home, Choi San.” 

“Stop fighting it, Y/N. I'm walking you home.” 

“It's a twenty minute walk—” 

“Drop it.” 

You do. And for the first ten minutes, no one utters a word even if the tension feels electric and the street is so quiet so you can hear when his breath accelerates when he jogs to catch up to you whenever you try to leave him behind. 

Isn't that ironic. He was the one who left you behind all those years ago. 

“I didn't know that you danced.” 

He breaks the uncomfortable but safe silence to say that? 

“Well, you saw me dance so I clearly dance when I want to.” 

“You never danced with me.” 

“You never asked me to.” 

He laughs “I'm pretty sure I did on several occasions, Y/N.” 

“Well, you're wrong,” you're getting annoyed. How dare he think he remembers better than you? “It doesn't matter anyway, what's past is past and—” 

“You also gave Hwa your number,” he interrupts, his long legs taking two strides to get in front of you, still walking, facing your direction with his hands on his pockets. 

It's dangerous and stupid, even if the streets are practically empty and the sidewalk barely has any bumps. 

You hope he falls on his pretty face.

“I did.* 

“I don't have your number.” 

“Well, I changed it and you never asked for it, so…” 

“You could've called me or texted me to let me know you did it.” 

He's getting on your nerves.

“San,” you start, taking in a deep breath you hope calms you down “We don't even text anymore, why would you want my number?” 

“Do you like him?” 

“Seonghwa?” you ask, frowning and he nods “Like… As a person?” 

“As a potential love interest.” He clarifies matter-of-factly and you roll your eyes. 

“I met him today, San. Why do you want my number?” 

“Because we're friends?” he offers after a second, shifting so he's walking by your side again. 

“Are we?” you ask, laughing bitterly at that “Because we haven't spoken a word to each other in years.” 

“That's not true.” 

“It is, San.” 

“You… You don't speak to me anymore, so…” 

“Well your girlfriend at the time told me she didn't feel comfortable with me speaking to you anymore,” you sigh “so I didn't and you didn't try to talk to me either.” 

“Well, I want to talk to you now.” 

“And is your new girlfriend aware of that? Is she comfortable with that? Because I don't want anyone telling me what to do anymore and—” 

“Why wouldn't she be comfortable? We're friends, Y/N.” 

“Are we?” you insist, petty, bitter and overall very, very hurt. 

He looks offended at that “I assumed we were?” 

He's getting on your fucking nerves. 

“We stopped being friends the second Minseo asked me to stay away from you because she didn't like me, San.” 

“She’s not in my life anymore—” 

The words are coming out of your mouth without even thinking it through. His demeanor, the way he's somehow reproaching you for whatever he saw between you and his friend, the way he pretends nothing happened between you and him, thinking that you two are still friends. 

“We stopped being friends when you pulled away from me, saw me do the same and did nothing to stop it from happening, San.” 

He stops in his tracks at that. You don't, pushing forward and quickening your step even if your calves burn. 

“Either way,” you speak up “Make sure you tell your girlfriend about wanting my number and then you can ask Seonghwa for it if you want—” 

“She's not my girlfriend anymore!” 

Now that stops you, just a few buildings down from yours, you turn around just to find San closer that you thought he'll be.

“O-oh. I… I didn't know that. I'm sorry.” 

“You didn't do anything to be sorry for.” 

“Still, it must suck so I'm sorry you're going through that.” 

“We didn't want the same things and so we ended it. It is what it is.” 

You nod. 

He walks the few steps separating you and you have to raise your chin a little to look him in the eye for the first time since you left his apartment “I wanted to tell you.” 

“That you broke up with your girlfriend?” 

“Yeah, I don't know why. It happened when I broke up with Minseo too, I just… You're the first person that I thought of calling when it happened. I texted you, too, but the messages didn't go through.” 

You hum at that. 

Why would he even say that? 

You resume your step, not really knowing what to say until you reach the stairs that lead to your building’s entrance. 

“And you didn't ask Woo for my number?” 

He follows you up. 

“I don't think he would've given it to me if I asked.” 

That sounds like an excuse, so you don't let it slide as you enter the code to your building and let yourself inside, San holding the door so he can get in as well “Why would he do that?” 

“Because he…” San sighs, pressing the elevator button “Nevermind. He just wouldn't.”

Frowning, you turn to him “No, now you have to tell me.” 

“It doesn't matter, really—” 

“Tell me, San.” 

He stares for a second and then looks away, like a child, vulnerable and you can't help but soften at that “He didn't like the way I treated you.” 

Eating your words from before, you shake your head “You didn't treat me like anything.” 

The elevator dings and you get inside. 

San follows you. 

“Exactly,” he says, resting his shoulder on the metal “Like you said I just did nothing and—” 

“Well, sometimes that's just what happens,” you want to end this. You want to pack Gyuri’s bag, give it to him and never see him again. 

This conversation hurts, it reopens barely closed wounds and it creates new ones you don't really need when it comes to whatever happened between you two. 

There's only so much a person can handle and it really doesn't help that you're a fool for San. He takes advantage of it, of the fact you can't really push him away at this point and the fact that he wants to have this conversation now instead of four and half years ago? 

Mean. 

He's mean. He's evil. He's… He's staring at you with a spark in his eyes that you recognize too well. 

Hope. 

When you get to your floor, you try to wipe the image away while busying yourself with your keys. Your hands tremble a little but you're able to open the door of your apartment and get in without inviting him. 

He gets in anyway. You take off your shoes as he closes the front door. 

He stays silent as he follows you around the apartment and you don't worry about turning the lights on. You get into Gyuri’s room and start picking out a comfy hangover outfit for your friend. Some clean underwear, sweatpants, two shirts and socks. 

When you drop to the floor, in front of the closet, to look for a bag to stash all of it in, San silently clutches beside you. 

“It shouldn't have happened to us. Never us.” 

You can't take it anymore. 

“San, what is this? What are you doing? I mean, why are we—” 

“I know.” 

“It's been years…”  

“I miss you.” 

He's so mean. But the softness in his tone resembles the one he used all the way back in highschool, when he told you that not being friends with you didn't feel right and you want to cave in right there and then. 

Your heart screams at you to do it, your reason warns you that you both have been through this before and it never ends right. 

You simply can't stay friends with Choi San. 

Your love for him must run too deep, your resentment claws at it and tries to hurt it but it's an immovable force that won't budge even if you try to bury it under the years that have passed, the things he has done. 

Tears gather in your eyes and you try to blink them away as you stare at your best friend's clothes on your lap and try to come up with something to close this path up again, reconstruct the picket fence you built around it the second he broke your heart for the first time. 

“Yeah,” you whisper back, letting the walls fall a little “I miss you too but I don't think I miss whatever version of you you are right now, San.” 

“W-what?”

His shaky voice makes the walls crumble and crash. 

Turning to him, your hand shakes as you place it on top of his “And you don't miss the version of me I am right now. You miss what I was back then, the comfort and the shoulder to cry on I offered you when Arin and you broke up. You miss my availability and the way I didn't press my feelings on you because it didn't matter if I liked you or not, you were my friend first and the guy that I had a crush second but—” you choke up, tears falling down your cheeks even if you don't want them to “I can't do it anymore. I'm not that girl anymore and I won't be there for you now that you and Kyungmi broke up because I can't handle it. I can't, I'm sorry.” 

He doesn't deny any of it.

He stares at you, tears wetting his cheeks as well and it hurts even more this way. You wish you had the strength to hold it together, to treat him like you did on the street a few minutes ago, but you can't. 

There's no way you could ever hate him like you want to. 

“You know…” he starts in a whisper, letting out a humorless chuckle “That's what I used to tell myself too.” 

“Hm?” 

“That you were my friend first and the girl that I had a crush on second.” 

How dare he mutter the words you always wanted to hear, the ones you picture being said in a different setting, the ones that haunted your every waking thought that period of time you doubted your friends, your mom, yourself for even believing Choi San could ever have a crush on you. 

He doesn't get to say them. You want to tell him but the words die on your throat and form a lump that you can't swallow down. 

You don't get to say that. You don't get to say that. 

Your hand drops from his and you look away again only to grab the first bag you find on the closet floor and shove Gyuri’s stuff in it. 

If the lack of response it's what prompts the hurt in his voice the next time he speaks, you don't want to think about it. 

“I wish I didn't. Now it's too late to do something about it, huh?” 

This time the rage comes back with a mask on. Feing settlement for all the what if’s covers you like a blanket on a really hot summer night: unwanted, unnecessary. 

But you can't sleep without it, so you do nothing to push it away. 

“I guess it is.” 

You get up from the floor, leaving the room and wiping your face with bitterness coating your movements as you wait by the door for him to get out. 

When he does and he steps in front of you, you extend the bag and he takes it without missing a beat. 

Voice robotic and words premeditated, you open the front door for him “Thanks for walking me home and taking this back.” 

He leans a little into your space and you don't move away. But just as he did in highschool, he takes in your hitched breath and does nothing more.

“Thanks for letting me talk to you.” 

He didn't give you much of a choice there but it's okay. This is closure, this is the end of your story with Choi San and you convince yourself you're glad that it is. 

“Sure,” you whisper back and he steps outside, turning around to watch you slowly close the door “goodnight, San.” 

He doesn't say it back. 

When the darkness of your apartment engulfs you, that's when you let yourself breakdown. Covering your mouth with your palm, you descend until your knees are against the wood on the floor and closing your eyes you make it a point to let it all out. 

You'll let it all out, drink some water, text Wooyoung and Gyuri to let them know you're safe and go to bed. 

And tomorrow you'll begin your day with the freedom of finally knowing what would've happened if you or San ever took the next step. 

This is fine. This is moving on. This is— 

The doorbell rings. 

Opening the door again, you crease your eyebrows in a silent question that San doesn't care to answer, so you look around the floor in case he forgot something you're missing. You wipe your cheeks and under your eyes as you turn to him again “Did you—” 

Time slows down when he makes it past the threshold and you can't move an inch, gaping at who you once thought was the love of your life “What are you doing, San?” 

“Something about it.” 

“What?” 

“Forgive me,” he asks, breathless and in a murmur, fueling your confusion. And then he's closing the distance, dropping Gyuri’s bag and cupping your face so gently that it hurts “but I'm doing something about it.” 

You stopped dreaming about the possibility of San kissing you that one time you two were on your bed and, another time, you told yourself that, if it ever happened, you wouldn't kiss him back. 

It's too late to kiss him back. 

But sparks fly when he crushes you against the wall and takes in a breath before slothing his mouth against yours like he's been waiting to do this every single day for the past nine years you've known each other. 

There's nothing you can do to conceal the way yearning takes over you, pours out of you, making you breathe into his open mouth and kiss him back like you always wanted to. 

You already know it is a mistake by the time you grab his shirt to keep him in place but does it really matter when this is all you ever wanted? 

Feeling warmth leave your face, you notice the way he desperately crowds your space as his chest bumps into yours, leg claiming its place in between yours, the palm that leaves you pressing against the wall, next to your head. 

The kiss is filled with emotion, with longing and desire and it steals the air out of your lungs tragically and beautifully at the same time. Before, you used to dream about his lips making everything feel right, making you fit in in a world you didn't feel like you belonged to. 

But this kiss drops you into uncharted territory, drags you into the depths of something that should be buried by now, after all this time. It brings the flame back to life and it's dangerous. 

The fact that it feels this way, both marvelous and catastrophic at the same time, makes you so sad. 

Sorrow descends down your face until your mouth is picking it up and your tongue is mixing it with whatever emotion is cruising through San right now. 

You have to know. 

He spent your entire youth and early adulthood keeping it to himself, knowing when to show his true colors and when to hide them, choosing who to do it with and you realize the San that lives in your head is nothing but a figment of what you wanted him to be. 

Because him holding to your waist like it's his only lifeline doesn't fit the San you remember, him telling you he liked you back then doesn't fit the guy who was just your best friend. 

You need to know. 

“San,” brokenly, you speak into his mouth and he pulls away just enough to see your face. Your eyes remain closed, your chest heaving and your lips trembling “Why are you doing this?” 

“Because I want you, Y/N.” 

You push him away, weakly, almost like you don't really mean it because deep down you don't but he steps away like you're asking to. 

Because, of course, your mind scraps the bottom of your resentment to give his words a completely new meaning. 

“You can find another girl to fuck and be your rebound, San,” more tears spill down and you wipe them away in anger but more threat to fall down so you cover your face with your hands and groan, desperate “I can't do this, especially not when I know that you know how bad I wanted you. Y-you know what you do to me San so stop—”

“I want you in my life. I don't— What? I don't want you like a rebound, I… Can we sit down and turn on a light so I can look at you when I say this?” 

His words should be reassuring but they're not, the way you tend to feel unlovable around him coming up to the surface, preventing you from thinking clearly. 

You can also feel his lips on yours still. It's dizzying but you manage to push yourself off the wall and pad around until you hit the switch of the warm light lamp near the couch and the apartment comes to life just like that. 

He takes in the space he's never seen before, walking slowly towards the living room and looking over the bookshelf that screams your name all over it. He smiles a bit as he looks over the book titles and you look away before your heart starts acting up again. 

You can't stay mad at him for long if he's looking through something so personal to you and smiling that fondly at it. It feels even more intimate than the kiss you two just shared. 

Wiping your cheeks once more, you are sure you look a mess but he doesn't seem to mind it once he comes into your point of view, sitting down on the couch, in front of your standing form. He grabs you by your hands until you're sitting next to him, close to him, cologne intoxicating your senses. 

“I told you I liked you when we were in highschool, right?” 

You nod. 

“You seemed surprised but it was dark so I'm not really sure. I thought you knew, everyone knew.” 

Oh, he's a comedian. 

“How would I have known, San? I… Yeri told me you liked me one time, in senior year, but I denied it. Then, my mom told me you seemed to want me in a non-platonic way and I dismissed her as well,” you take in a deep, shaky breath “For me, the thought of you liking me just didn't make sense. You loved Arin and she's… She doesn't look or act like I did back then at all, so how would I have known?” 

You didn't need clues and puzzles and what if’s, you needed words and actions that weren't confusing. You needed him to tell you back then, because telling you right now and kissing you senseless after he broke up with a girl he supposedly was very in love with means nothing but pain. 

“I didn't realize you liked me too,” you make a face, about to tell him off, but he interrupts “I didn't! I thought you liked Yeri and I thought you saw me as the annoying guy who wouldn't leave you alone. I only just realized it a couple years ago, because Woo told me.” 

You raise your eyebrows and mutter under your breath “I'm murdering him tomorrow.” 

The corner of his lips twitch before he shakes his head in dismissal of what you said “I liked you. I really, really liked you and never told a soul because… Well, it's scary when you fall in love, right?” 

“San, you had no problem telling Arin, Minseo or Kyungmi that you liked them.” 

He looks down to the floor, lost in thought and you want to open your mouth to take what you just said into a new direction, but you don't “Maybe that's because I didn't love them the way I love you.” 

Oh. 

Love you? As in… He loves you right now too? 

No way. 

“You didn't love me, San. You don't love me right now either, you… Maybe we both were in love with the idea of love? Maybe that's what happened and—” 

“Quit telling me what I'm feeling, Y/N. You always do that, you always assume you know what I'm feeling but you don't!” 

Raising your voice a little more, you try to get your point across in the worst way possible: by being stubborn “You don't know me! How can you possibly—” 

“I knew you back then, Y/N! And I loved you back then, too!” He looks like wants to say something more but he doesn't, instead, he takes a calming breath and then leans into your space for the third time tonight “And I might not know you now but I want to. That's what I meant when I said that I want you. I want you in my life, I want to know the person you became when we stopped talking, I want to talk to you every single day and I want to hold you and kiss you and be by your side however you want me to, I just… I can't lose you again.” 

His confession renders you speechless and you notice his chest is heaving, going up and down in sync with yours. 

But the way he pulled away from you senior year still hurts, it paints a picture of what's going to happen if you accept this. 

You can't believe his words. 

He must feel lonely and confused, like he did when Arin broke up with him. He must be looking for a shelter you can't provide. 

“And when you find another girl that's more to your liking? What then, San?” 

“There's no one that I love more than you, Y/N and I'm sorry I was shit at proving it back then and I'm sorry that it took so many years for me to come to my senses.” 

He's tearing up and your heart pangs absurdly loud at that. 

“I saw you with Seonghwa earlier today, laughing and dancing and flirting and I thought: Oh, maybe if I didn't waste that much time pretending I'm someone I'm not, that would be me.” 

You stare for a second, you watch a single tear drop down his cheek and then look away. 

“Is that what you were doing? Is that why you pulled away?” 

“Maybe?” he offers and you turn to him again. Is not enough and maybe he can see it in your expression, because he goes on “I mean, I… I thought I wanted Arin. I thought I wanted Minseo. I had people in my life who were really happy to see me with them and I just…” 

“Wanted to keep them happy,” you nod, understanding. He doesn't have to say his mothers name for you to know he's referring to her and maybe his other highschool friends outside of Wooyoung “Were you pretending with me as well?” 

“No,” he answers right away “You and Woo were the only ones who saw me for who I really was back then.” 

“And why do you think you love me now, San?” you ask, deflating against the couch and ignoring the way your heart soars at his quick response.

“Because I never stopped,” he stammers out and then clears his throat “Because I looked for you in Minseo and Kyungmi and I wondered for years why they couldn't make me feel the same way. And I told myself I didn't need to feel the same way and that I deserved to wonder for the rest of my days but seeing you tonight? I can't.” 

Straightening your spine, the pained look you sent in his direction is not intentional but it prompts him to lean closer and closer until he's cupping your cheek again. 

“I can't keep wondering.” His voice is a sweet whisper, a siren song that draws you in until your forehead is resting against his. 

All these years, you were so self-focused on changing to a better version of who he used to know, learning from your mistakes and closing off to the opportunity of letting him prove himself a better man, you forgot that time passed for him too. He’s telling you he changed, too. 

Imagination is a safe space. Is where you hide, where desire can take its wings and fly high without hurting you too much. Make belief has rescued you before but this? The way his nose nuzzles softly into yours and your breaths tangle? This is very real. And reality is prone to hurt you. 

But the want you feel is undeniable. The way your entire being wants to cave in and give him an opportunity is suffocating, it makes you choke out a sob that he follows with one of his own. 

You kiss him, softly at the beginning, but his hands on you tighten and you let yourself get lost in the way they go down your neck and your arms, caressing you softly until they reach your waist and pull you into his lap. 

Pulling away, you grab his chin with two fingers and force his teary eyes to snap open, searching for an answer on yours.

“If you hurt me,” you start, breathless “If you're mocking me, if you're using me to get over Kyungmi, if you are pulling me back in to break my heart again, Choi San, I swear to God I will kill you.” 

“I won't do that to you ever again, Y/N,” he returns softly “I love you, I'm sorry if I ever hurt you but I love you.” 

Others would argue that it is pathetic how quickly you forgive him. But then again, you could never be mad at San. 

You were only mad at yourself for how everything turned out. 

“I love you too, Sannie.” 

Saying something never felt so freeing before. 

“Oh, Y/N…” you can see the way relief washes his worries away “Y/N…” he starts to say but then leans in to kiss you again and never finishes his words. 

You don't mind it. 

Pouring out all the pent up affection you pretended to bury for years, you explore his mouth and carve into your memory the way he feels. The way he sighs into it when your tongue brushes his, the way he pulls you in closer when your fingers reach the nape of his neck and pull on his hair there, hands splayed on your back so he can keep you in place as he leans down and places you against the worn out couch. 

He maps you out, hands going down your waist in a familiar feeling that brings back that memory of you two laying down on your bed. Only this time, he's actually touching you with a purpose. This time, you two have made up your minds and your limbs are tangled in a way you can feel all of him pressing up against you. 

It starts to get stuffy, the space on the couch not nearly enough to have him the way you want to. Soon, you're both standing up, mouths still moving against each other and hands roaming everywhere until you're undoing the buttons on his shirt. 

He pulls away to fully take it off, eyes never leaving yours, dropping the shirt to the ground, next to the couch and then he's on you again, making your back crash into the wall as he works the knots keeping your blouse together. 

He walks you through the hall, stopping only to take your top off and then he's walking you to a room that has a familiar scent that doesn't belong to you.

“Wrong room, wrong room,” you say into his lips and he laughs, looking to your surroundings “Mine’s over there.” you point to the other end of the hall, taking his hand and pulling him towards it. 

You don't make it far before he's yanking you towards him again. He looks down, taking your body in and you do the same, his firm and defined stomach a sight you never thought you would be able to see. 

“You're so beautiful,” he whispers, backing you against the wall again and kissing your cheek “So, so beautiful.” 

Turning your head to chase his mouth, he lets out a heavy sigh when his lips trail a path to your neck and murmurs against the skin there “I never told you how beautiful I found you before but you're so perfect, baby.” 

“I always thought I wasn't your type, San,” you let out a noise when he grabs your hips and pulls you forward, crashing his into yours “Fuck.” 

“And I always thought you were too much for me, too smart,” he kisses his way back up, focusing on your jaw and chin until he's kissing your cheek again “too pretty,” he moves to your ear, pecking right under it and you hold him closer “too good for me.” 

It doesn't really matter that this is all new to you, the way he's speaking, the tenor of his voice, the things he's saying… It sparks something familiar in you. You're pulling his hair back to make him look at you, a moan slipping out of his lips at that. 

You want to hear it again. 

He's smiling at your reaction, hand tightening on his locks.

However, that smile drops when he seems to recognize the gleam in your eyes. 

You gather up courage, feeling empowered by the way his hooded eyes darken but wait patiently for you to speak your mind. 

“Maybe I'm too good for you now, too,” you lean in, your lips softly tracing his “Maybe you should prove to me that you deserve me, San.” 

It's a dare. One that he seems to like a lot because his eyes sparkle with the same fire they used to back in the day. 

“Oh, I'll prove it to you, alright.” He whispers, panting when you let go of his hair and he leans into you to kiss your lips briefly before pulling away again.

His hand tilts your head back and you rest it against the cold wall, his fingers touch your bottom lip before going down and down and down until they rest against the seam of your pants, unbuttoning them in one swift movement. 

Going back up, his nails softly dig into your skin and you preen, taking the soft sting of his ministrations like you two have done this a million times before.  

His mouth is on yours again, his hands are pulling you off the wall and into your room until you two land on your mattress with a soft tud, a moan spilling out of your lips when he sloths his knee in between your legs and pulls them apart with expertise. 

You don't have the mind to break down what that means. 

Opening your eyes when he kisses down your neck again, you notice your room is barely lit by the street lights outside, curtains pulled open and windows closed but, this way, you can see the way San kisses between your breasts and your belly, catching his eyes when he looks up to measure your reaction. 

You sigh, already feeling some sort of build up going on down there and he hasn't even touched you properly yet. 

You don't even want to think about how wet you actually are. 

He leans back, open palms going down your legs slowly until they reach your feet. It tickles and you can't help but let out a giggle that he joins short after, his gaze never losing the edge because of it, though. 

“San…” 

He guides your hips up so he can take off your pants and you sigh when his hands return, raising your leg up “I missed your laugh,” he says low, attaching his lips to your calf “I miss being the one making you laugh too.” 

You feel like crying again but then he's letting your leg down and grabbing the other one to give it the same treatment, so your tears can wait. 

This time, he moves upwards till his mouth nears your clothed center and your breath hitches. 

Yeah, you can definitely cry later.

“You want me to prove to you how much I want you, Y/N?” he murmurs, his lips ghosting your mound now “How much I love you?” 

“San, p-please…” 

“Fuck, look at you.” He sounds like he's too lost in the heat of the moment and you're kind of grateful, because the moan you let out when his fingers hook on your underwear and pull them to the side to expose your pussy to his hungry eyes is loud. 

When he kisses you right where you need him, you let out another moan. And when he parts your folds to lick a stripe up to your clit, you curse him under you breath until he's laughing against you softly, the vibrations accumulating heat on your belly. 

He doesn't tease you much longer and you look down at him just to catch the moment his self control slips, eating you out like a man starved while his hand stays on your hip to hold you down and keep you underwear from interrupting his feast. 

“This is like,” he dives in again for a few seconds and you grab the sheets beneath you “All my fantasies coming to life but better.” 

He's so chatty during this and the only thing you can do is stammer a yeah? and pray for it to reach his ears.

“Mhm,” the circles your clit with the tip of his tongue and your legs shake “Taste even better than what I dreamed, too.” 

The heat of his mouth leaves you, lips spreading your wetness through your stomach until he fully reaches your face, your eyes closed and lips already waiting for him. 

Tongue caressing yours, your hands trail down his torso and focus on getting his pants off. You're shaking with excitement so it proves to be more difficult than you imagined at first but he helps you in unbuckling his belt. 

Once the piece of clothing is one the floor (or the bed, you're not really paying attention on where it lands), you don't waste time in feeling him up through his boxers. 

The hiss you get in return makes you smile. 

Bringing your lips to his neck, you suckle on this pulse point and gain another pleased noise before grazing your teeth against skin and moving to his collarbone next.

In a way, you get what he means. If he truly was pining over you the way you were pining over him, the thought of exploring his tan skin and making him moan feels like a dream. 

So you kiss him again in order to make it all last longer. 

The minutes pass between the both of you, softly making out and figuring out what gets both of you going, discarding your underwear in the process. 

You realize your moans make San’s cock twitch against your leg and he seems to notice the way your hips buck up everytime his hands handle you more roughly. 

After a few minutes of just this, you feel his hand making its way down again and the pads of his fingers circle your clit until you're grasping the sheets again. He gathers your arousal and then enters one finger slowly and when it slides in and out with ease, he enters the next one. 

There's really not much prepping he needs to do, already soft and compliant under him, you relax into his comfortable touch before you're aching for something else. And your mouth is preoccupied with his, so you do something else to catch his attention. 

Hands caressing his back, you let them drop to his ass with a soft smack that wins you a soft huff on amusement and then a whine when you move his hips towards yours. 

“Condom?” 

You shake your head “I'm clean and I have an implant.” 

“Oh?” he smirks, about to tease you but you squeeze his butt again and he moans “Fuck. I'm clean too.” 

“Good,” you whisper against his cheek, laughing as he arranges his position. 

And he might've been touching you all this time, kissing you until your mind emptied and your lips are all swollen up, but the look on his eyes when he slowly enters you is what might drive you over the edge. 

Grabbing your hands, he pins them on the side of your head as he moves, dropping his head down with a groan as you take him in, nose touching yours and moth whispering sweet things you can't quite pick up. 

He feels so good. 

This all feels way too good to be real. 

In the cloud you're at, you allow yourself to dream a little more before the reality of what your confessions mean dawns on you. 

For now, you allow San to make love to you. Sweetly, slowly and with a passion you never were lucky enough to encounter before. 

Maybe it's because your previous lovers didn't have your heart the way San does. 

He rams his hips into yours hard, closing his eyes and resting his warm cheek against yours, kissing your face inch by inch when you accompany his movements with your own. 

When his pace picks up, you hug him close and secure your legs around his hips as you moan. 

“Y-yes, fuck.” 

“Like that?” he repeats the movement from before, pulling out and then in with such force it rocks the entire bed. 

“Just like that, baby, fuck.” 

“God, you sound so good,” you smile a little, forehead resting on his shoulder before your head falls down against your pillow again “I love you,” he repeats against your lips, letting your hands go to cup your face with both of his again “I love you so much.” 

Teetering over the edge, you feel happy tears stinging in your eyes. Though closed, you can feel San’s stare on you, on your face, on the way you react to his sweet words and relentless pace. 

You say it back in a whisper and he repeats it again and again and again until you're both coming and tears are spilling down your cheeks. 

He kisses them away. 

You wipe his with trembling fingers as you come down, having trouble breathing from everything that just happened. 

You don't feel suffocated anymore, you feel like you've been freed. Like this was supposed to happen at some point and you two finally got around to it. 

“I love you,” he says once more before slipping out of you with a parting kiss. 

Holy shit. 

When San gets up from the bed and you point him to the bathroom, down the hallway, you're left with a sticky mess in between your legs and a lot to think about but you settle on four things. 

San just made love to you. There's no way that was just sex. 

There's also no way you're coming back from this. 

Gyuri is probably going to kill you. 

And that, obviously, your feelings for San never left. You feel the familiar warmth of them spreading through your post-orgasmic state. They're there, mocking you, asking you who the fuck you thought you were for pushing them away. 

He returns, toilet paper in his hands before leaning in and cleaning you up, lips immediately finding home on your skin as he does. 

You both giggle at that.

You probably need to shower but you've been crying and there's no way you're leaving this bed tonight. He throws the paper away on your bedroom’s trashcan and then crashes into the bed next to you, still naked, still looking at you with so much love you're wondering what stopped you from seeing it was there before. 

Taking his hand, you bring it to his lip and give his knuckles a peck “That was really good.” 

“It was.” 

“I can't believe we actually just did that…” 

He smiles and what he says next shocks you even more than his confession “I want to take you out.” 

“San… You just came inside me not even ten minutes ago.” 

“And?” you laugh and he shakes his head, leaning into your space again “I spent many years doing everything wrong, let me do it the right way.” 

“Making love to me one time and then taking me out on a date is not the right way, sir.” 

He nuzzles your cheek with his nose and you let out a pleased sigh “Who said it was just one time, huh?” Attacking your neck with his lips again, you push him away with a laugh. 

“Oh, come on!” 

He laughs as well “Give me ten minutes and I'll make it two!” 

San makes love to you two more times. And by four in the morning, you're snuggled into his arms and sleeping soundly. 

When you wake up and find the space next to you empty, you think it was all a dream. Your naked form begs to differ and you quickly put the t-shirt you usually wear to bed on and your panties underneath it to go out and face the feelings of your actions fighting with the blender in the kitchen. 

“How do you two live with this stupid thing?” 

“We don't,” you answer, startling him “We don't use it. What are you trying to make?” 

San’s shirtless, wearing his pants and his hair messy. Looking back at the living room clock, you see it's just five past ten. 

Smiling as he approaches you, you forget you must look a mess too when he pecks your lips and barely pulls away “Good morning, beautiful.” 

You pretend to cringe at that, pulling away “Oh, God. Morning, dumbass.” 

“You like it, you're blushing,” he points out and the pink on your cheek deepens as he's going back to the blender “Does anything work here?” 

“The microwave,” you shrug “And the stove. Were you trying to make yourself a…” you look over the ingredients he has pulled out of your fridge “Green juice?” 

“I was trying to make both of us a green juice,” he corrects and your heart skips at the immediate domestic attitude he has with you “But now I can tell neither of you drink anything like it, hm? I'm buying you a blender.” 

“Please don't.” 

“Why?” 

“Why do you think that one is broken?” 

He hums, huffing out a laugh seconds later and you walk over to him, unsure on how to approach him even though what you did yesterday night and earlier this morning didn't allow your shyness to step in. 

Now you're feeling it. 

He can tell, because he stops fighting with the steel appliances to grab your waist and pull you close “I wanted to make you breakfast.” 

“We can make breakfast together and I can order your green juice,” you compromise and he nods, but he doesn't let you go “And later we can go out on that date you promised me yesterday and we can go over what we're going to tell the two idiots.” 

His smile drops. 

“Oh, fuck.” 

Grimacing, you nod “It was the second thing I thought about after waking up.” 

“What was the first?” 

“Oh, I was trying to remember if you ever asked me to dance before,” he nods with a smile “Guess what? You didn't.” 

He fake gasps at that “I did!” 

“No, you didn't!” 

“Babe, yes I did,” he insists and you laugh, which prompts him to wrap his hands around you tighter when you try to get away from him “It was when—” 

“Oh. My. God. I'm going to be sick again.” 

Now when the fuck did Gyuri come back. 

And why is Wooyoung with her too, jaw slack as he watches both of you pull away from each other and create a safe distance that doesn't help whatever your best friends just saw. 

“It worked?” he asks and you can barely hear him until he hollers like a crazy person “Oh, it worked! I am a genius!” 

“Wooyoung, hold me! I'm going to kill them!” Gyuri looks like she's about to launch towards you at any second now, so you close your eyes and accept your fate. But nothing happens “Wait— What worked?” 

When you open them again, San is hiding behind you and Gyuri’s back is to both of you as she looks at Wooyoung with, what you assume, murderous intentions. 

“Gyuri, let's talk about this,” the black haired guy puts his hands up “You were too drunk to discuss it so I made the choice of— Gyuri, no!” 

You burst into laughter when she starts chasing him around the apartment and San giggles as well, only more nervous than delighted by their little cat and mouse game. 

He's probably sensing he's next on her hit list. 

As if you would let anything happen to him in the first place. 

“Stop, stop! I'm sorry, please leave me alone!” you hear Wooyoung’s voice echoing through your hall and in a second he's entering the kitchen, rounding you and San “I'm so happy for you guys, really, this was meant to happ— Stop!” He cries when Gyur catches onto him and yanks his hair to stop him from running.  

“Y/N,” she starts, chest heaving and you take a step back, crashing into San’s chest. He holds onto you only to push you a little and protect himself from the fury of your best friend “When I told you fuck him I didn't meant this!” 

“I know.” 

Wooyoung whines but he can't get away from her grasp so he just accepts it and pouts like a child. 

“A-and you!” She points towards the guy resting his chin on your shoulder “How dare you! If this is something casual for you then—” 

“I love her.” He defends himself quickly and your heart all but stops at that. 

“You do?” Wooyoung coos, amazed at his best friend’s confession. 

Gyuri's anger falters at that. 

“You… You do?” 

“And I love him,” you let out in a shy whisper, smiling a bit “But you already knew that.” 

“Of course I already knew that, bitch, I am your other half,” she makes a point to stare at San as she says it, letting Wooyoung go and he massages the part of his scalp that was targeted by his ex “Don't forget that.” 

“Y-yes ma'am.” 

You laugh again and Woo joins the embrace, eyeing you both expectantly and rolling his eyes when neither of you say anything to him “Well, you are so welcome guys. What are we having for breakfast?” 

You and San don't get to go out on that date. 

But when you do, he asks you to be his girlfriend the next day. 

And when you say yes he almost breaks down in excited tears.

Eventually, even Gyuri comes around and threatens him into treating you right, which means he earned her seal of approval. 

You delete the document on your laptop when you find it a month into being his girlfriend and, instead, start drafting your new beginning on it, in first person this time because the story doesn't feel like it belongs to someone else now.

The first line read as it follows: 

How did I ever think San and I could be just friends? 

If you read all the way down here: THANK YOU SO MUCH. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

© jensthwa, 2024.

[bapple117]

Figured there was no harm in double checking lol. So… do you think bill is even capable of desiring or wanting sex? Would he just…….. be doing things to people lmao, can anything of his be touched sexually? Also maybe a weird question, but has Doc even felt anything physically like that, being that they have a human body, or no?

Okay I'm gonna be answering this after the jump - fair warning! My answer is 18+, minors DNI, and anyone who feels weird about thinking about the characters in this context just SCROLL AWAY! I'm serious! I'm answering this in a mature way, taking it seriously as an interesting question. I don't want any judgy looks, so I'm giving you ample time to walk away right now... Okay! With that disclaimer said...

So in regards to what I think about canon!Bill - I think he'd have fairly little to no interest in sexual gratification for the most part, given the fact he doesn't have a corporeal form / genitals (that we know of LOL) in his triangle state.

I think he would probably enjoy the psychological aspects of controlling / influencing someone ELSE'S physical experience, though - in a consensual scenario, I imagine he would be the one exclusively doing things to the other person, getting more of a mental satisfaction from it rather than physical. Like, "Huh! Poking you there makes that kinda reaction, does it? Well, this just got interesting!" sort of deal.

I also think gratification via proxy is an interesting concept too, ie, Bill possessing a human and experiencing what they feel through them. I've read fics exploring this idea - both the human being consciously aware of what's going on, with Bill inside their mind feeling the same sensations and controlling them - I think that's as close as canon!Bill would get to experiencing real sexual feeling / gratification.

Obviously there's scope there for a more non-consensual reading of those situations, but I'm not really one for non-con so I won't comment on that.

In regards to fanon!Bill, I think there's more of a spectrum available for exploration, depending on what that version of Bill looks like. I've seen lots of takes on human!Bill (both art and written) that explore him coming to terms with having human sensations / desires in a really interesting and nuanced way, and I think that's a really cool approach. A non-human entity suddenly becoming human and being like "Ew, gross! This body is weird. But... food tastes nice and being touched is fun..." is a trope I greatly enjoy, personally. In regards to MY Bill, as in, the one I am writing in The Theraprist... Hrm. The one I'm writing is going through a lot of character development that isn't present in canon so it's hard to compare, but I think it would involve a mixture of the above with some slight differences. My headcanon is that he has erogenous zones even as a triangle, so any kind of intimacy with him wouldn't look like typical intercourse, but would be possible in a manner of speaking. Maybe his edges are sensitive to being licked, etc etc.

I won't be writing anything sexually explicit IN The Theraprist, but if I were to explore that in a seperate work (maybe a one-shot or something) I would definitely go for that angle (pun intended.) Obviously, if it was happening in the Mindscape... Well. That opens a lot more opportunities. Anything is possible in there... In regards to Bill's past on Earth, times he possessed humans... Well. That's actually something I'm going to allude to in the fic itself, so I'll keep my thoughts on that up my sleeve for now. As for Doc, I think I'll mostly leave that up to reader interpretation, as I wouldn't want to project my own headcanons on to a character who's meant to be a faceless blorbo anyone can insert themselves in as. BuuuuUUUuut if I AM coming at it more from a "this is my original character" point of view, then I'd say that... Yeah I think they've been around. They've been alive for thousands of years and can turn into anything they want - I'm sure they've fooled around with something at SOME point. Not as a human, though - them turning into a human to be Bill's therapist was the first time they had shifted into one, ever. I touched briefly on the whole "getting used to human biology" theme with them here and there, hinting at the potential for more...

Maybe I will explore it more explicitly eventually! Hope that answers your question :)

[kairoot]

SCREAM FOR ME ─── NRK

西村力 + 𝑓． reader suggestive, established relationship, comedy, thriller ✉️ : hi so I’ve been convinced to make ghostface riki fic by my 3ki girlies (doin this for yall) @elysianiki + @nshmuras .. also, please don’t take the title out of context bro omg 😭 the ghostface movie is literally called scream .. and special thanks to sia for picking out these photos for me :p — 𝐌𝐒𝐅.

entering you apartment in a hurry, you closed the door and locked it behind you, trying to avoid the cool air from entering your home.

it had been a hectic day at uni with trying to finish up any missing assignments before the semester ended and studying for upcoming tests. the only thing you wanted was to curl up on the couch and watch all the slasher movies you could find.

you wished you could start the weekend with your boyfriend, riki, but he had sent you a quick text saying that he was sick and you didn’t hear from him for the rest of the day. which you thought was weird but didn’t really pay it any mind. he probably just needed his rest.

you dropped your bags at the door, walking over to the kitchen to look for any snacks you could bring along with you to the couch.

as you shuffled through the space, your apartment seemed eerily silent, making you feel a bit out of place. the stillness wasn’t something you were used to, normally riki would be playing his game or you’d play some music. but tonight was different.

you shrugged the uneasy feeling off, trying to let yourself get used to having no noise around. you grabbed your bowl of the snack that you had craved so badly, heading to the living room and turning the television on.

you began eating your snack, becoming immersed in the movie you were watching. the tv’s volume was turned up enough so that you could hear it but not enough to miss the sound of something brushing against the hallway wall.

your brows furrowed as you turned your head in the direction, seeing nothing but the darkness of your empty corridor. the thought of something down there made you shutter but you tried ignoring it. maybe it was wind?

just then, your phone rang loudly, prompting you to turn away from the noise and pick it up.

“hello?” you answered.

“‘evenin’, pretty. alone again, i see.” the voice was one you’d never recognized before. but for whatever reason, the person’s words sent shivers through your body.

“who’s this?”

“whoever you want me to be, baby.” they let out a twisted chuckle, their voice dripping with something sinister.

you couldn’t reply, too confused and in shock.

“let’s play a game, shall w—“

“how do you know i’m alone?” you cut the person off, which sounded like a male’s voice but you didn’t pay much attention to it.

he laughed once again, “a little birdie told me.”

he paused for a moment, as if he was going to say something else.

“actually, your window was open.”

you sat up straight on your couch, eyes widening as you looked around frantically. you heard the unknown laugh on the other line, as if he could see the fear on your face.

you hung up, throwing your phone to the side before placing your bowl on the table in front of you.

now you were really worried and way too uncomfortable to continue watching tv.

your phone began to shriek again, the ringtone going off. you were hesitant about answering, but what would happen if you didn’t? would this stranger hurt you?

too afraid of the consequences, you pick the phone up with a trembling hand, clicking the answer button and bringing it to your ear.

“you keep answering me.. it’s almost like you wanna hear my voice.”

your breathing was unsteady as you listened to the stranger, too afraid to speak.

“what’s wrong? cat got your tongue, hm?” he said, faux sympathy in his voice. he could hear the way your breathed, how shaky you were.

“what do you want from me?” you mumbled into the phone.

“i just wanna have fun, sweetheart. that’s what halloween is all about.. right?”

you didn’t respond, too busy looking around the room, studying any corner and window to see where this man was or how he got into your home.

“why don’t we play a game, huh?”

there was another small noise in your hallway, causing you to turn around quickly, seeing nothing but pitch black but still hearing the sound.

it sounded like an object dragging against the wall.

“what kind of game?” you shuttered, backing into the table as you kept your eyes on the hallway.

“how about a game of.. tag?”

the dragging noise became louder and sounded as if it was getting closer.

“wh-what do you mean..?”

“you’ve never played tag before, silly? it’s easy,”

his voice grew more mischievous as the noise intensified, your ears ringing with fear as you let out a small whimper.

“i’m it… and now, all you have to do is scream.”

the call ended abruptly, the scraping noise fading with it. In the darkness of the hallway, you could make out the faint outline of a white mask. it moved closer, as a figure in a Ghostface mask emerged from the shadows.

you dropped your phone to the floor as the figure drew closer. paralyzed, you tried to move, but the shock held you in place— frozen in fear.

the mask tilted, as if studying you— relishing the fear in your eyes. as he headed toward you, the dim light had caught on the sharp edge of a blade in his hand.

suddenly, you didn’t feel so frozen anymore. the glimpse of the knife had knocked you out of your paralysis, causing you to dash into the direction of the kitchen.

the stranger didn’t run— it only took a few strides across the room for him to have a hold around your waist, pulling you into him tightly.

“where you goin’, pretty? the game just started.”

he lifted the blade up, as if he was going to press it against you, but he didn’t. instead, a familiar laugh came from under the mask, as you wriggled around in his arm.

“riki?!”

he continued to cackle as he let you go, lowering the blade. you turned around to back out of his arms, surprised to see that the “stranger” was none other than your boyfriend, who was always playing jokes.

your heart was still racing as you shoved his shoulder, half relieved and half furious. “that wasn’t funny, ki, you could’ve given me a heart attack!”

he just grinned, clearly proud of his scare.

“got your heart racing and i didn’t even have to try. was i that good?” he joked, taking his mask off so it sat on top of his head.

there was a sheen of sweat on his forehead, his face slightly flushed as he grinned at you.

your heart was slowing down now but a different kind of nervousness took over. you looked up at him with a slight pout on your face, playfully shoving his shoulder.

“no, babe, that wasn’t funny..”

he mirrored your pout, teasing you as he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you flush against him.

“aw, i’m sorry, mamas..”

he gently tilted your chin up, his gloved hand squeezing it gently. his eyes softened as he looked down at you.

“c’mon, don’t be mad,” he murmured, brushing his thumb along your cheek. “i’ll make it up to you… anything you want.”you couldn’t help but roll your eyes, though his warmth and closeness were making it harder to remain annoyed.

“anything, huh?” you replied, crossing your arms but leaning into his embrace.

riki grinned once more, pressing a light kiss to your forehead. “anything.” he repeated, letting his lips linger as he pulled you even closer.

“how about this?” he lowered his face, brushing his nose against yours, before leaning into to capture your lips in a soft, but urgent kiss.

you melted against him as his hand rested on the small of your back, not wanting to let you go. he deepened the kiss, making your heart race, a fluttering excitement coursing through you. your hands came up to rest on the sides of his face as you leaned into him more.

the world around you faded and you nearly forgot all about your scare from moments ago, only focused on the way riki held you so closely.

you pulled back slightly, breathless, look up into his eyes.

“forgive me?” he asked, his voice low and inviting, eyes sparkling with mischief. you smiled up at him, all of your anger gone now.

“do that again and i’ll think about it.”

he chuckled softly, leaning in for another kiss, this one deeper and a bit more passionate. his warm embrace and plush lips had you in a trance, drowning out all thoughts except for the sweet taste of him.

★★★

TAGLIST. @wonsdoll @mimismenu @yourssincerely-mimi @riribelle @nerdimoo @sngleehee @elysianiki — only accepting 40 people.

NETWORKS. @k-films

[sevenpoyo]

some brooklyn slang ik for all the ppl who wanna write for miles and kilometers‼️

feel free to add more idk everything but i i am originally from there and visit a lot this stuff i hear a lot and if you wanna add slang to ur writing this is a good place to start, not all of these brooklyn or ny exclusive but that’s where a lot of american slang starts and u prolly heard some of it b4. imma list it ne ways

don’t use like 8 of these in one sentence bc it will sound weird and i can’t really cover ny puerto rican slang or any puerto rican slang really bc my grandad is a bum so if you know some add it

the city is manhattan, not the other 4 burroughs, just manhattan, cus that’s where everything’s at

to cut ass is to roast tf out of someone , to get your ass cut is get tf roasted out of you

wyling/wilding is being outta pocket, something being absurd or crazy

yeah nah means no and nah yeah means yeah idk why they gotta make it complicated just look at the second word

good looks is like good looking out

it’s bout to be winter and i’m bout to see mad christmas fics and shit but do y’all know the proper way to describe cold ny winters?

if it’s cold as hell, it’s brick outside, not regular cold, ny winter is like nipples so hard i see em thru the bra cold

ex; “how it’s so brick outside i walk to the store wit my hair wet and it deadass got icicles in it” “yeah it’s fr brick outside today” “i’m not walkin wit u in this brick ass weather for a bacon egg and cheese?” (actual convo between my sister and me last winter break)

fronting seem kinda easy to me but is like acting or pretending i can’t explain it with out an example

“why you fronting like you wouldn’t die if they text you asking u to go out with them” “you can stop fronting like you like cars it cool if you don’t” “don’t sit there fronting like u don’t wanna dance wit me”

being tight over something is just being upset or annoyed

rj is so smart they said “We say tight bc you kinda huddle close to yourself when you tense/stressed or angry” i had no idea i just be saying it i aint know it had a reason💀 it make sm sense now.

“who got you tight like that this early in the morning?” “my momma came home tight yesterday for no reason, she threw a boot at me!” “i’m so tight this damn shift change has me working all closers this week”

jack is like claiming someone or something

i talk old as hell idk what the youths be jacking nowadays

cop is basically to get, used to be mostly 4 drugs back in the day my dad said (he don’t know why im asking him this)

“just copped me some retro 3’s” “bout to cop me a few percs in a minute”

speaking of a minute, mostly for my non americans bc that’s who get confused the most when i say this one. depending on the context this can mean a actual minute, a short time or a real long

“i’ll be back in a minute” is short “i ain’t seen y’all in a minute” is long. idk how to explain the difference besides context

bop is a good song, pretty easy but i see ppl on tiktok use it wrong

bangs/banger goes hard is kinda like bob for music but i be using it for anything fr

“this push pop is banging yo”

mad can be used normal like angry but it also means a lot or really kinda like hella ig? i usually uses hella when i would say mad so ppl can understand me easier up here

dumb also mean very in the same way

ex; “my english teacher give out mad homework for no reason.” “she be giving me mad shit over the smallest stuff” “i just had some mad good wings so i’m cooling rn” “this shit is mad spicy u sure you want some?” ''This shit got me dumb tight'' “you don’t need no jacket it’s dumb hot out here”

smacked is like high as fuck idk how to elaborate ur just high

lit is drunk

“Yuuuur!'' A signal, a greeting usually used to catch the attention of someone or something very fun greeting and very hated by schools, it’s weird anywhere outside of ny kinda at least to me.

being hollywood means u get a little fame and think ur all that or just that u got a little fame and they’re jokingly hating

ex; “i saw u on the news the other day, “the prowlers return” u must be real proud of yourself huh hollywood?” “and here comes hollywood wit his trending tiktoks”

real talk is when ur about confess something or say something serious in a not real serious setting or convo

“real talk we play a lot but i love you, my life would be boring with out you around” “real talk i’d never do that to you foreal”

go together is like go out kinda, y’all kinda match behavior cus y’all a couple, this one need a sentence 2 i think. (THIS ONE IS OLD AS HELL ONLY USE IT IF UR TRYING TO RIZZ MOMMA RIO)

“he want ur number? he don’t know we we go together or sum?” “why she wanna act like we go together, ion even know her?” “don’t we go together?”

i can’t even explain it with a sentence y’all just gotta figure this one out 💀

A bodega/deli is a convenience store ik most know this from the movie but some ppl think it’s all stores or all spanish stores when it’s just a corner store

the owners of the deli closest to my granddad house is muslim. and so we keep track of all muslim holidays when he’s closed

an ock is the bodega man, miles knows the man’s name at the deli we see him visit, but at any other store he’d call the guy ock

dipping on someone is changing ur mind last minute, usually canceling plans

ex “we was supposed to go get outfits together but they dipped on me last minute”

staticky is like wanting to fight or still being pissed after a fight

static is beef or on sight energy

you good can really be anything but imma list ones i can think of

it can mean like are you ok? or don’t worry about it, or how are you, or stop, or do you got a issue? or do you want an issue? it’s all in the tone of how it’s said fr

'Word of my moms/dads I saw/ did/did not *insert topic*'' Honest term, no lying present in statement i feel like (my cousins be putting anything on they momma fr risking shit on her for no reason)

'hold it down'' handle buisness / take care of someone or something. can also be in refrence to criminal who handles ''buisness''

NOW EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU TO @rashadisback BC HE CARRIED ME ON THIS‼️

i hope this helps any writers that don’t live here!

[freeuselandonorris]

omfg your vore fic is life changing. hell yeah to stigmatized weird af kinks ❤️ since you’re so good at character kink psychology, i’ll throw another one in the ring for fun - thoughts on inflation? i’ve never seen it in f1 except one fic that had it i’m pretty sure unintentionally lmao

also congrats on accidentally solving an f1 dilemma: if the drivers vore each other, there are more seats left open for young drivers to join 😅

oh anon!! first, THANK YOU and i’m so glad you liked the vore fic — i was honestly shocked at what a great reception got, but i’m really fucking delighted that people like it. hell yeah INDEED to the stigmatised kink rep! and lmaoooo maybe oscar should let the FIA know about that one too, it would sure solve a lot of problems 🤔

now, inflation! this one was WAY out of my comfort zone and i have done a lot of interesting reading today instead of doing my job! there are so many facets to it and you didn’t specify a preference, so i went with liquid inflation as this scenario came to me pretty naturally — i honestly have no idea if i’ve hit the sweet spot (ahem) with this as i was so unfamiliar with it, but i definitely awoke something in myself writing it lmao. i hope you enjoy :)

sort of one-sided landoscar, but in the context of an established relationship. cw for liquid inflation (eta because i wrote this in a rush: to clarify, it’s fantasy-based, not actual inflation), curve worship, fantasised helplessness (although all fully consensual).

Oscar’s not built like any other driver Lando’s seen.

He’s strong, obviously. Stronger than Lando is, that’s for sure. But he’s also — shaped. He’s got an arse some of the underwear models of Lando’s acquaintance (or, well, former acquaintance) would be jealous of. Little waist, but his belly pushes out against the fabric of his fireproofs. The soft mounds of his tits, firm muscle covered in a light layer of flesh that Lando likes to squeeze. 

Oscar’s shy about his body too, in a way Lando finds slightly odd given how they’re all used to being manhandled and grabbed by their physios, engineers, sometimes the fans when the security in the paddock is lacking. Keeps himself covered up in shorts and T-shirts until the very last minute, even when they’re fucking. Averts his eyes from his own body, preferring instead to focus on Lando’s. 

It’s not that Oscar hates his body or anything, as far as Lando can tell; he’s just used to seeing it only as an object of function, not something to be desired. Even though Lando thinks he’s gorgeous, could spend hours worshipping every soft and furred camber of his strong thighs and broad chest. 

Lando doesn’t know how to tell him that, express how much he loves Oscar’s curves. He tries to show it instead, spends snatched hours between free practice sessions mapping out Oscar’s body with his hands and tongue. 

He daydreams about it sometimes, the words he’d use to explain it. That there isn’t enough of Oscar to contain all of the desire Lando wants to stuff him with. That he wants more of Oscar to worship. 

It’s something he’s always known about himself, ever since he was a kid. But it’s never been as intense as it is around Oscar. Pale, soft Oscar, all hair and solid heft, his blurred edges and the sweet flush of his skin.

Probably Oscar wouldn’t mind it if Lando admitted it to him. He’s never minded anything else. But this one feels risky, somehow — a raw and vulnerable thing to express. 

Still, he wants Oscar to know, somewhere underneath it all; he must do, because he slips up, sometimes. Just in small ways. 

It had been bad in Qatar. Lando had been half-delirious anyway, staggered back into the garage after media to see Oscar propped up against the central island in the garage, hungrily sucking water from the long straw of his drinks bottle. Eyes closed in bliss, throat working as he swallowed, swallowed, swallowed. 

His racesuit hung limp from his hips. Above it, Oscar’s swollen belly curved from the fabric, full and distended. Feverish, Lando told himself he could see the stretch of it, the skin taut and bouncy as a drumskin beneath his sweat-soaked fireproofs. His hands had twitched with the effort of not reaching out to check.

“Thirsty?” he’d said, smiling, trying to make a joke of it. Trying to keep his eyes on Oscar’s face and failing, drawn to the curve of his stomach like it was exerting its own gravitational pull. “Careful, you can fuck yourself up if you drink too much water.”

Oscar had slow-blinked at him, like a cat trying to make friends, left the mouthpiece of the straw resting on his bottom lip when he answered. “Kim put electrolytes in it.”

Lando had nodded, swallowed. His own mouth watered in sympathy. 

“Keep going, then,” he’d said, and Oscar had smiled, sucked the straw back into his plush mouth and continued to drink.

The memory still does it for Lando, even now, months later. 

He could have taken Oscar back to his room, their bodies still salty and aching. Let him curl up on his side on top of the cool sheets of Lando’s bed, let Lando fill his bottle to the brim with cool water and stir in electrolyte powder. Kneel at the side of the bed and feed the nozzle back into his mouth, stroke the damp hair back from his temples, let it curl around his fingers as Oscar sucks and sucks. 

His stomach would stretch, round and tight as a ball, one smooth convex curve from ribs to hips. The inward dip of his waist hidden, overwritten by the surge of flesh. 

He’d let Lando crawl onto the bed behind him, spoon Oscar’s growing body, one arm tucked beneath his armpit to hold the straw in place. Lando would slip a hand beneath his T-shirt, peeling the fabric back so he could rub soothing circles over the bulging skin. Undo his straining jeans, the zipper sliding down of its own accord from the pressure. Say something like that’s it, Osc, you’re doing so so well. Oscar would press back against him, shuddering, body lax and lush. Moaning when Lando’s hand skims his swollen nipples, cock slipping between the fat globes of his arse. Oscar’s got a nice fat cock too, a plump handful. He’d press it up against Oscar’s belly, tend to him as he lay helpless and swollen, suckling trance-like at the straw still held between his lips. 

Here, let me help you with this, Lando would say to the shell of Oscar’s ear, squeezing his cock. It’ll take the pressure off. His big belly pressing Lando’s hand into the bed, barely able to rock his hips into the answering push of Lando’s hand.

He’d come like that, spilling over himself, letting Lando push his soaked fingers into his mouth and swallowing that down too. Part his lips and say more, please, eyes blank and lidded with pleasure. Lie patient and limpid while Lando scrambled off the bed and round, taking out his own cock and pushing it against Oscar’s hungry, suckling tongue, filling him impossibly more.

That’s what tips him over, spilling into the clutch of his own palm: the thought of Oscar swallowing down everything he has to give. His come the final straw, stretching the skin almost to breaking point. Oscar’s eyes closing in bliss, sleepy and sated, unable to move.

Lando keeps his eyes closed for a long time once the aftershocks have subsided, unwilling to let go of the fantasy. Finally opens his eyes, staring at the unfamiliar hotel ceiling. Outside, the dull thump of bass from the party yachts berthed along Yas Marina filters through.

He sighs, struggles to sit up, goes to wash his hands. The room is all meagre angles, cold metal and sharp, mean corners. He curls his hands into fists, feeling the emptiness inside them.

Back in the bedroom, he sits down on the edge of the bed with his phone, tabbing to his message history with Oscar. 

How would u feel if i told u about something u might find gross, he sends before he can chicken out. 

Oscar replies almost immediately, like he knows Lando’s waiting, nervous.  About yourself? Literally nothing could surprise me anymore.

Promise u won’t get mad or tell me im a freak? Lando sends back.

Try me, Oscar replies. Then, immediately after: Well, not unless you want me to, anyway. 

Lando smiles, chewing his bottom lip. Come to my room after debrief and i’ll tell u in person.

Oscar heart-reacts the message. He definitely knows Lando needs reassurance; usually he uses the thumbs-up. Lando pockets his phone, stretches the kinks from his back and goes out to the balcony, letting the last vestiges of sun warm his skin. That’s the funny thing about Oscar. Whatever love Lando has to give him, however strange its shape, he’ll always find a way to make it fit.

---

ps even though this ends on a slightly ambiguous note due to its one-sidedness, it does of course take place in my landoscar kink shared universe and so, in case anyone is worried, oscar did indeed react with a shrug and "okay, cool" and fire up "i have an inflation kink, AMA" on reddit :)

[orchideous-nox]

katieeeee tell me fucked up rosekiller headcanons please < 3 i need you to be as fucked up as possible you know what this is for : )

oooooh okay this could be fun.

You know in that song from Heathers called Kindergarten Boyfriend where Martha says she kept Ram's scab in a locket? Evan definitely has a scab of Barty's in a locket.

I touched on this in one of my fics, but I think Evan gets off on Barty's mouthiness getting him in trouble/fights so he can fuck him to make him feel better.

Bitey Crouch Jr is canon but I don't even mean just in a sexual context. Evan purposely aggravates Barty to bite him if his last bruise or bite mark is fading.

Barty gets hard when Evan starts rambling about bodily anatomy, he's just a bit weird like that.

Evan likes to go on little trips to rural places and walk around collecting sheep bones and teeth to study and clean up and put in glass jars at their home. Scotland is a really good place to do this....not from experience or anything.

Neither of them have to worry about the other getting jealous because they're both fucked up enough that nobody would dare try flirting with them. Plus, they're like constantly clinging to each other so there's no point.

If they were going to be murder husbands, they would definitely try and get a threesome with the victim first. That's how they lure them in.

Not fucked up, but for Halloween they both dressed up as Regulus one year because "the scariest thing you can be is in love with James Potter".

If someone walks in on them fucking they don't care, it is an honour and a privilege to watch those two fuck so they just carry on. In fact, they're extra loud in the hopes someone walks in. They don't care who is in the next room.

They're banned from every sex shop within a 50 mile radius of where they live, they're local legends on the Facebook groups. They're also banned from the premises of some hospitals, taxidermy places and butchers because they keep turning up and asking "any fresh ones?" and refusing to elaborate.

The police are aware of how many times they've turned up to hardware stores trying to buy heavy duty chains, knives, barbed wire etc and openly told the shop assistant that it's a sex thing.

I hope some of these are fucked up enough for you, I sprinkled some silly ones in there for the fun of it < 3

[mamawasatesttube]

ok i posted a lil snippet of this fic last night but then decided i didn't like it out of context and deleted the post, but i do think i like this snippet well enough!!! current wip: kon versus the existential loneliness of being alive again.

warnings for internalized homophobia and suicidal ideation!

And then, just as a T-rex goes to fight the Nazi robot in the movie, Tim taps his long fingers against Kon’s knee. A jolt of lightning zaps through Kon’s body, but he ignores it.

“Hey,” Tim murmurs. “How’ve you been doing, big guy?”

“What?” Kon blinks. “I’m good. Why?”

Tim tips his head back and pins him with a piercing look. It’s not as piercing as Lois’s staring-daggers-through-your-soul looks can get, but it’s still up there.

“You’ve been avoiding everyone,” Tim says. “Cassie I get, ‘cuz, like, breakups are never fun. But Bart? Kory and Gar? Cass? And… me?”

“I saw Bart just the other day!” Kon objects. “We played video games and hung out for a while.”

“He said that only happened ‘cuz he invited himself over to see you.” Tim pauses. “Not that I mean we’ve been, like, talking about you behind your back or anything, uh—that’s not what I meant. I just asked because I haven’t seen you around much lately, and I didn’t know if that was a me thing, or…”

Oh. Kon could smack himself.

“No no no—it’s not you, I swear!” He groans, squeezing his eyes shut, and turns his head to hide his face in Tim’s hair. He smells of generic basic bitch men’s shampoo. “I’ve just, uh… I’ve been staying in Smallville mostly. Just… you know.”

Tim hums softly, his hand still resting on Kon’s knee. “Something on your mind?”

I keep wondering if I should have stayed dead. Also, something has been wrong with me since I came back, because I should be devastated about breaking up with Cassie, but all I feel is relief. Something is wrong with me, and I think I didn’t come back right, and I don’t know if I should’ve come back at all.

He can’t say any of that. Not to Tim, who was so shattered by his grief that he tried to clone him. Just to have a little piece of him back. Even if he knew it wouldn’t truly be Kon.

How could he possibly say any of this to Tim?

“Nothing, really,” he says. The lie tastes like ashes on his tongue. “Just… adjusting, I guess. Lost a year. That’s weird. Pa’s dead. That’s… I don’t even know what to say.”

For a moment, Tim is quiet. Then he shifts against Kon’s side, dislodging him. He turns to look Kon dead in the eyes; one hand reaches up and tips Kon’s chin up, resting against his cheek to prevent him from turning away. Kon resists the urge to squirm under his gaze.

“Dude,” Tim says. “You and I both know if it was just adjustment and grief, you wouldn’t be avoiding us.” Another pause. He scrunches up his face a little. “I mean—adjustment and grief both are real and suck and they’re totally valid reasons to be out of it, but that’s—you’re not…”

He trails off. Kon swallows hard and bites the inside of his lip. He can’t tell Tim what’s really eating at him, but his ability to read Tim is a two-way street. Tim knows how to read him, too.

Tim takes a breath. “You used to tell me just about everything.”

Fuck.

“Tim, I’m not…” Kon scrubs a hand over his face. His heart pounds hard in his chest. He can’t put this on Tim’s shoulders. He can’t. It would be so, so cruel to put that kind of fear in Tim’s head, the idea that Kon might want to die again—he doesn’t, he doesn’t want to die again. He just—he just thinks maybe he should’ve stayed dead.

But he can’t say that to Tim. He can’t be that cruel. Not to Tim, who’s already been through so much grief.

“There is something else bothering me,” he admits, unable to meet Tim’s gaze. “But I can’t tell you. And that’s—it’s not your fault I can’t tell you, it’s me, I just—I can’t, okay?”

Tim is quiet for a moment. Something explodes on the TV screen; the white light washes over his face as Kon peers at him through his fingers, heart racing with anxiety. He doesn’t want Tim to think he’s the problem—he just can’t… he can’t say it.

“Are you sure?” Tim asks, after a beat. “I know I’m… different. Not really the same guy I was when you died. If that’s… if you need space to process that, and that’s why—”

“It’s not!”

That’s—that’s too much. Tim can’t think that, Kon can’t let him think that, that would never in a million years be the reason Kon can’t tell him something and he needs to know!

Kon shoves the bowl of popcorn out of the way; his TTK is the only reason it doesn’t go flying across the room, and instead settles neatly onto the coffee table. He throws his arms around Tim’s waist and hauls him into a hug, mindful of the gauze on his upper back as he clutches at him. He can hear the beating of Tim’s heart, can feel it against his own chest; Tim’s bare skin and his own are separated only by the thin layer of Kon’s shirt, and he can feel the warmth of his body radiating through the fabric.

For an agonizing second, Tim is still, frozen in his arms. Then, like a spell has broken, he melts, slotting himself into Kon’s chest like he was made to fit there; his cheek comes to rest against Kon’s shoulder, nose brushing his neck, and his arms slip around Kon’s waist in turn.

“I swear, Rob, it’s not that,” Kon manages. “I swear it’s not. It’s—it’s something in my head. It’s not you at all. You’re—you’re perfect, okay?” He can’t fuck this up. He can’t fuck this up and make Tim think he’s the problem. He just—

He just can’t tell him.

“Kon…” Tim takes a slow breath, blows it out as a deep, heavy sigh against his shoulder. Kon holds him a little tighter, helpless. After a moment, Tim nods slowly against him. “Okay. I believe you.”

The relief is so poignant that Kon’s stomach churns. Thank god. His shoulders slump with the weight of it; gratitude settles like snowfall on top.

Then Tim draws back, looks at him with those same piercing eyes. Like Kon is a puzzle that he needs to turn over and over in his hands until he figures out what makes him tick. “But you still can’t tell me?”

Kon looks away. He misses Tim’s warmth in his arms already. He doesn’t want to think about what that might mean. “…No.”

[doyouremem8erme]

Hii can I share a new Marcy Harm idea with you?? A sort of Raised in Amphibia AU with a twist - as soon as Andrias took little Marcy in, he realized she was insanely intelligent, like as a toddler and all she would beat him at flipwart and read complex science books and stuff, like this kid's IQ is through the ROOF. So being a bit of a sciency guy himself he thought, mmmm what if we exchange the Core's current digital hardware for a biological one? The human brain is stronger than any computer in the multiverse. Not only is he giving the Core a body, but a whole new level of software processing like this kid's grey matter is insaneeee just imagine all the weird immortal AI processes you can run in it!

So ever since she's little he basically grooms her into being the perfect host. She spends all her time either connected to weird wires that go deep into her nervous system to prepare her for the Core, or being made to solve puzzles and learn languages and do all of this stuff to exercise her brain. She's super young when the Core is transported into her and Marcy kinda... ceases to exist? She's vaguely conscious of her surroundings but it's not like she has any sense of self or awareness of what's going on. She's like an expectator who can't think feel or understand anything. Her brain is being used by someone else.

So when Anne and Sasha, who also grew up in Amphibia, eventually fight this big bad that's been threatening their world, they're surprised to find out it wasn't like... a robot or a newt in a weird suit, but a small human girl that looks roughly their age and can barely form a word and doesn't know her own name or what's going on. Their entire lives they thought they were the only two humans in Amphibia! They're definitely bringing this one over to the Plantars' farm. If only she could understand what's happening around her. She was a piece of hardware, right? She was a machine. She was vaguely aware of that. She was The Core, or at least its processing system. She doesn't know she's a person.

ohhh this reminds me a lot of my old omelas au except without utterly butchering the concepts of ursela k le guin's work. i LOVE it

and back when i was working on that au i went down a pretty disturbing wikipedia rabbit hole about what it would be like to try to recover from really extreme levels of mental neglect and lemme just say that after they free her . it would take something close to a miracle to let her live a normal life.

now that youve made me think abt this concept again tho i am GOING to be rotating it in my brain so very hard like. in my old fic i hadnt put much thought into how marcy had ended up in that situation but. now. i cant stop thinking about like . anne and sasha finally finding this other human and shes completely broken from being used like that for so so so long. seeing that done to someone. thats a level of horror worse than any of the scary wildlife in amphibia . andrias is SO fucking dead for this one

anyways just for fun heres the opening of the ones who walk away from newtopia. this is super super old. for context it was a human au + olivia is andrias's daughter in it.

i never fully decided how much of this was marcy being used by the core to like. make its choices for how best to rule this utopia and how much it was some kinda karmic magic where all the suffering that would otherwise exist rested solely on her shoulders . but i think the implication was that she was gonna get the core fully downloaded into her at the end there? idk its been a long long time

ok i should probably go leave to go vote!!! yay!!! but i will be THINKING about this. oughhhh used as the cores computer her whole life thats good

[olderthannetfic]

Okay so I feel weird about this but at the same time I kinda feel like it's necessary but idk. Maybe I'm overthinking, hence why I'm talking about it here.

So. I have a fic I'm working on, and the context is that it's a ship fic and one of the characters has Dissociative Identity Disorder (not canonically, I'm giving him this because I think it'd be a fun alternate universe idea to explore and because I have DID and I want to write my fave to be like me). There are two alters, one of whom (A) is in love with the other member of the ship (C), and the other of whom (B) hates him and thinks he's bad for A.

So. Now that y'all have context. Eventually, B starts to warm up to C, and there's a particular scene I'm thinking of where he flirts with him and kisses him, and C is under the impression that he's talking to A. Obviously that part is dubiously consesnual but it's not the part I'm worried about, it gets cleared up pretty quickly, that part I'm worried about after that is when C knowingly has sex with B even though technically at this point the only alter who he's dating is A, again, this is obviously not great but in universe it ends up fine and that's more the part I'm concerned about.

Basically, long story short is this: Would it be condescending to put a note saying "Hey, this part is undernegotiated and would not be okay in real life"? I feel like someone could reasonably end up copying this in the real world if they end up dating a member of a system, in part because system etiquette isn't common knowledge and also because a lot of people for some reason have way too much difficulty with the concept that someone can have more than one person in their head and have all of them be separate and distinct from each other (the real life example I can think of was someone who was being intentionally obtuse about the whole situation, but I know that genuinely confused people do exist in this area). It also doesn't help that the particular fandom this is for is one that has very little if any familiarity with systemhood.

I don't know. I don't want to be condescending (gods know I have trouble enough avoiding that), but at the same time, I really, really, really don't want someone to get the idea that just because you're dating one member of a system means that you're dating the entire system from my fic just because I wanted to ship both blorbos with the other blorbo in an OT3 situation and think dubcon is hot. I guess what I'm saying is that under the circumstances I don't trust that people, and in particular singlets, will immediately recognize that the situation is dubiously consensual the way that I do since systemhood is not a very widely known or understood concept outside of innacurate and even stigmatizing depictions in mainstream media.

--

[piosplayhouse]

I like the idea of transbian bingqiu, but I'm uncomfortable that Shen Yuan's chest is referred to as "flatties" in a context where she is both trans and had a double mastectomy, since these women are often mocked for their flat chests. It feels like her body is the butt of a joke about her being "extra flat" or that it's funny Binghe would be attracted to her chest, and she only is because she's weird and horny for Shen Yuan. I know it probably wasn't your intention, and it's a joke, but the emphasis and word choice is sort of hurtful.

I completely understand your discomfort and deeply regret the implications behind those posts; I should have made it more clear that the meme redraw and subsequent au drabbles were not intended to be connected to each other and really do want to apologize for that. It was my error and I take full responsibility-- regardless of my intentions, I didn't make my thoughts clear enough and I understand and sympathize with anyone who felt harmed by them.

For what it's worth, the original "I wanna lick her flatties" drawing was really just a one off meme redraw that didn't have any deep thinking behind it, I just thought it would be funny to draw as bingqiu so I did. Because it was just a direct trace of a meme about 2 cis women I thought I'd just leave it open ended whether or not they're trans, though my friends in general are transfem sqq enthusiasts so there was probably some unconscious headcanon bias sprinkled in there. I'm flat myself so when I saw the meme I was sort of just like oh lol that's a funny alternative to fat titties

I drew sqq older mainly as an homage to one of my friend's modern sqq designs, but from then got to thinking about what an older cast would look like and do because it's so rare to see aus set during a time when the characters would be middle aged. I thought if sqq was about 40 or so in the picture then sqh would have to be 60, so I drew 60 yr old sqh and had a lot of fun thinking about all the things she could have experienced and all the stages of life she would have gone through in 60 years, so I wanted to expand on that and also think about the human conditions that aren't usually shown in fandom art/aus. The next day, I read a cumplane fic with chronically ill sy that I liked so I was thinking about different recurrent/chronic illnesses that older women experience which have little representation in media.

In this way, it sort of spiraled out from a thoughtless meme redraw into a whole separate thing that only really happened because I was thinking about middle aged sqq, but that's not an excuse and I'm sorry for hurting you anon.

[raphaelesbian]

Hi!! I love the PTS series and I just have some thoughts on the Shredder/Splinter/Raph dynamic that I wanted to discuss cuz I don't have many people to talk to about this topic :'D.

I find it interesting the idea the Shredder could see himself in Raphael due to his anger. What I find just as interesting is the idea that Raphael's anger is actually similar to Splinter and he sees himself in him (I am unable to cite anything right now but it's a theory/analysis out there. Kinda like in Lone Rat and Cubs when he whamos that Kraang bot). What i find REALLY cool is how these two ideas could coexist wherein Shredder thinks that he is looking at a reflection of himself in Raphael, but later finds out that what he sees is not himself but his brother, Splinter.

When they were young, do you think that Saki found comfort in his brother's anger? Do you think seeing his brother get angry too justified his own rage? Or did he butt heads with Splinter, and that anger stoked a burning fury between two?

When he looks at Raphael and finally recognize Splinter in him, will he feel rage towards the brother that 'betrayed' him? Or would he find comfort in the reminder of his childhood with his dear brother? They grew up together after all. He must've loved some part of him. He might miss some part of Splinter, no matter how little.

Idk if I'm sounding coherent though haha cuz I get nervous sending asks so I'm kinda just pushing through this and hoping it doesn't sound weird.

Great fic BTW it has been occupying my brain for a few weeks 👍👍

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ aaaaaaa thank you so much!!! no you're super coherent dw, thank you for the ask!!!

I 10000% agree!! I honestly can't recall if the concept has come up in any of my fics yet (maybe briefly, during Shredder and Splinter's fight in PTS?), but I am a STRONG believer that Raph and Splinter are super similar. Lone Rat and Cubs is a fantastic example, but even as far back as Turtle Temper that connection is made.

Not just that Splinter was a guy who struggled with his anger, and that he sees Raph as having the same problem, but also just how DANGEROUS Splinter sees his anger as having been. I've seen people hate on Splinter for Turtle Temper, and I kinda get it because yeah, his advice, though not bad, wasn't given in the best way. But I think the context of "Splinter sees his younger self in his son, and is terrified that he'll make the same mistakes" is important.

Plus, AGH the PHRASING. He LET Saki anger him, he MADE his words into weapons. The way he blames himself for his brother's actions.... gnawing on the drywall.

When they were young, do you think that Saki found comfort in his brother's anger? Do you think seeing his brother get angry too justified his own rage? Or did he butt heads with Splinter, and that anger stoked a burning fury between two?

Aaaaaaaaaaaa that is an EXCELLENT question!! Their relationship is really fun, specifically because we do get SO little about it other than after everything has fallen apart. So we get a lot of room to play with it!

Personally, I lean towards the first. I headcanon Yoshi as (slightly) older (I imagine that a big part of Yuuta choosing to spare Saki and take him in was because he had a similarly-aged child at home), and I also like to see them as being pretty close. Probably competitive, I'm sure they butted heads from time to time, but I prefer the interpretation that learning the truth about Saki's heritage caused a sudden shift in their relationship, rather than them being at odds the whole time. So yeah, I can totally see Saki taking some form of comfort in Yoshi losing his temper (as long as it's aimed at other people c: )

ALSO, perhaps this is a bit of the trigun brainrot in me fhdsaghakdg but. I kind of like the idea of like, not just Yoshi being angry, but Yoshi being the angry one. As in, Saki DIDN'T have much of a temper growing up. Like, the small bits we do see of their past, Yoshi is cocky and making jokes while Saki is cool and serious. And that's AFTER their family has degraded almost to its breaking point. So I can imagine Saki as being the calmer, more level-headed one as a child. Definitely still with a temper, for sure, but Yoshi was the hot-head in my mind. Then, he learns the truth, his life starts falling apart (/he starts ruining his own life. Saki, come ON, man), and who does he start emulating, whether he recognizes it or not? His brother. Just sayinggggg.... 👉 👈

Sorry this is getting SO long fhdsaghkdg. You've activated my trap card (u asked about the doomed siblings)

When he looks at Raphael and finally recognize Splinter in him, will he feel rage towards the brother that 'betrayed' him? Or would he find comfort in the reminder of his childhood with his dear brother? They grew up together after all. He must've loved some part of him. He might miss some part of Splinter, no matter how little.

I absolutely believe that they loved each other, and that they miss each other. Like I'm actually a little bit deranged over just how hard struggle with the fact they are BROTHERS. The INTENSITY of their hatred for each other as a mask... the only way they can cover up the grief is with anger and loathing... (Sorry to plug my own fics but if you haven't read blood of the covenant or brother (noun) yet, this whole concept was a lot of the inspiration lmao)

And!! OH my god, you're such a genius. Shredder obsessing so hard over identifying with Raph, only for it to click that Raph isn't him, Raph is YOSHI.... Shaking you. You're so fucking right. Like, Shredder doesn't realize it at all but so much of what drew him to Raph, what made him DESPERATE to get Raph to stay with him, is his similarity to Yoshi. he wanted his brother back, he wanted to prove to himself that it wasn't his fault, WHY DO THEY ALL KEEP LEAVING HIM—

omfgggggggg. yeah definitely tucking that concept away, don't mind me over here....

ANYWAYS!!!! Forgive the word vomit lmao but thank you SO MUCH for the ask I just spent 35 minutes typing this up instead of working FHKAGHKSADGLK. I am ALWAYS hyped to discuss these things.

Also I'm so happy you liked PTS gfhkadsglk thank you!! <3 <3

[blue-mostacho]

~Cherry Bomb~

Warnings: mentions of SA (not detailed), alcohol and drug abuse.

I decided to just change up a little bit the introduction of the prologue. I hope it doesn't disappoint you guys, it doesn't mean that the Billy romance is completely out of the table. That's not the case AT ALL, like, not even close. I just chose to change it up a little bit so it fits better the fic as it could lead anywhere.

I chose two songs to accompany this first chapter, you will find a symbol with the name of the song right at the beginning. As you read the chapter, the symbol will appear signaling the moment you need to play the songs and when to stop them.

Before you start reading it, please read the prologue for full context.

You can find it here.

I hope you enjoy!

Previous part (prologue), just in case bc I panic xd

Chapter One - Bruises and burgers.

★ Afraid - The neighborhood

☆ Kickstar my heart - Mötley Crüe

The tick-tack coming from the clock hanging on the wall is giving me an eye tick. I roll my eyes as the boredom is driving me nuts, yawning I stretch my back, lifting my arms. Another shitty day at work with shitty customers and shitty coworkers. I'm not very fond of people, I've never really had a lot of friends, in fact, I don't even recall having friends as a little girl. Of course, I had a couple of kids with whom I would play at recess, but that was it. In high school, I would hang out with different groups of people, but I never felt like I really belonged to any of them. It wasn't their fault though, I just didn't feel that way, you know? Like, I never had no one to rely on. On the other hand people didn't seem very pleased with my presence either, so...

It never bothered me too much, I liked being alone. I used to spend a lot of time in my head, making up stories of all sorts, fake scenarios and adventures. I had fun that way. My whole life revolved around books and comics, movies, and any other medium that would enrich my imagination. Although I must say that over the last few years, I have met some wonderful people, like Don. I met Don a couple of years ago, I'd landed a pretty decent job at an arcade in California, and the paycheck wasn't bad at all, he was my coworker. He wasn't into video games or comic books, but he needed the money to pay for school loans. Since I liked working there, the thought of settling down, getting a small room in a shared apartment, and starting a new life didn't sound bad at all. I did for a while, I was 20 at the time. I'd spent two years on the road and it was starting to take a toll on me. Everything was going well, but remember what I said about never having a real group of friends? Yeah, well, I actually had one for a short time. ★ I used to do night shifts at a local bar since I needed the extra cash to fix my car, which had broken down. When I said I had a rusty car, I really meant it. Every night, a group of six people around my age would come in and spend the night playing cards, drinking, and doing the usual shit people in their 20s do. I was the only one covering the nights, so it wasn't long until we became friends, especially since one of the guys in the group had his eyes on me. I liked hanging out with them. Soon, my shifts stopped feeling like work. Most of the nights they were the only customers, so I would just sit at the table with them and play poker until the end of my shift.

In the beginning, everything was fine, just a handful of wannabe adults having fun here and there, nothing special. But as the weeks went by, I started to notice small but weird details, I brushed them off. After all, they were in their twenties, living in a place like California, so of course things like alcohol and drugs were something usual.

During my first months in California, everything went well, I was convinced I made the right decision, but life wasn't planning on making it so easy for me, so eventually things started going south.

Don tried to warn me the few times the guys showed up at the arcade. I guess he could see something that I didn't. There's not a day that I don't regret not listening to him. I was so caught up in my own world that I missed all the signals until it was too late, and I know I deserved everything that happened.

With each passing week, everything turned more and more sketchy. New people started joining them at the bar, some of them were older, way too old. I just knew that they weren't just playing poker anymore. Slowly, they were going down a really dark path, and I was being dragged down with them.

I tried to stay out of it, but one night, one of the guys, Axel, showed up at my door. He was covered in blood, his own blood. That was his first mistake because after that they wouldn't leave me alone. I guess they assumed I was his girlfriend and tried to send him a message through me. We were actually pretty close, that's why he came to me when he needed help.

That night, he told me everything that'd been going on while I was nursing him up. After that, I understood why it's said that young people are stupid. Because we are.

Long story short, they got involved with some nasty drug dealers. I'm not talking about Eddie type of dealer. It was more of a drug network, they used to party a lot which led to them experiencing with strong, exotic substances. Safe to say they became addicted quickly, which resulted in consuming every day, and those substances were also expensive. So by the time Axel found himself knocking on my door, they were all in deep debt, and that's why he got the beating of his life. They did fuck him up real good, I was freaking out trying to convince him to go the ER to check for possible concussions. Needless to say, he refused.

After that I distanced myself from him and the rest, but as I said they already fixated on me.

Weird things started happening to me. It didn't last long though, just a couple of weeks. But I guess that's what you get when you ignore the red flags.

Don was there the whole time, he knew everything and kept insisting I cut off any ties with them, that just distancing myself wasn't enough.

I still saw them from time to time, especially Axel and Nadia, a breathtaking blonde with baby-blue eyes. I will never understand how she managed to fall into something like that, I swear she is the sweetest girl I've ever met.

I tried to help them both as much as I could, but it was to no avail.

Everything got too much for me on Axel's birthday, we all gathered to celebrate. I wasn't sure about going, but he insisted. That was his second mistake, and it was also mine. Don tried to talk me out of it, but we were just going to have dinner. They were planning on going to a club after that, but I'm not a party person, so I would just skip it with the excuse of having to work the next day. And that's exactly what I did. I had dinner, and then I went home, or at least I tried.

I will never forget that night. It was dark, the dining place we chose wasn't far from my home so I didn't take the car.

To this day if I close my eyes I can still feel the pain radiating through my body.

I would've ended up worse than Axel the night he showed up at my house if it wasn't for a couple of passers-by, but i was too late anyway. By the time the two strangers interfered, the other men had already managed to rip off my clothes between punches and have their fun with me on time. My entire body was aching, and the cold air didn't help soothe my already shaking figure.

After that I just left, nobody knew except Don. He was the only one I called once I managed to get into my house.

Eight months. That was the duration of my time in California. After that, I spent three months driving nonstop until I found Hawkins.

Today marks one year since that night, and I still shudder at the memory.

You're probably wondering why I decided to stay here after what happened, why not keep on traveling and avoid any attempt at a more stable life, or maybe go back home? Honestly, I don't know. I guess the contrast between this small town and a big city was too appealing after everything that's happened. Not gonna lie, my friendship with Eddie did help too. Of all the people that I've met in all these years of traveling, he's my favorite one. But I'll never tell him that, the fucker won't stop pestering me about it.★

The ticking of that goddamn clock still drumming in my ears pulls me out of my thoughts. I zone out a lot more than before, but I got used to it.

I groan annoyed, looking at the time. I still have thirty minutes left and I pray to God that I don't get any customers.

It's almost Christmas, so everything is decorated with tinsel and colorful lights, the streets smell like freshly lit fireplaces mixed with aromas of holiday sweets that had just been taken out of the oven.

I love Christmas, but like, obsessively. Although this year is kinda hard to get into the festive spirit, around this time is when I miss home the most. Reliving that night doesn't help either, it feels like my body knows exactly what day it is and decided to keep bringing the memories back on a loop. It's not like I think about it all the time, but sometimes it just comes to my mind like a slap on the face.

I shake my head, pushing those thoughts away, tired of the subject. I realize that I can start with my closing routine, first flipping the sign on the door as always. Soon enough I'm on my way to my car, not before grabbing some instant ramen and a few other snacks from the store. Sometimes, I walk to get to work, but the cold air of Indiana's winter is unbearable at this point.

It's a ten-minute drive home, it's already dark outside, it's almost 10 pm so my headlights help me see enough so I don't crash.

As always, I drag my feet to the entry of my roulotte, cigarette hanging from my lips like a ritual. My eyes fall on Eddie's trailer as it's parked thirty feet away in front of mine, just like every day. He's home, so as soon as I set foot in my house, I just throw my bag on the bed and rush outside again.

I make my way to the long-haired boy's door, I don't even bother knocking. Once I open it, the warmth of the house hugs my body as I make my way inside.

–Momma's home!- I shout, to make sure he can hear me. But I get nothing in response. I can hear some struggling, a frustrated 'fuck' coming from the living room. I look to my right just to find him lying on the floor with his arm under the couch, his neck hurtfully bent as his head rests on the front of the piece of furniture.– What are you doing?

–What does it look like I'm doing?- he tries to turn his head to look back at me, but clearly, he fails. I walk over there, swinging my legs over him trying not to step on him. I crouch, so now I have a perfect view of his face, it is red, and the vein on his forehead looks like it's about to explode. His bangs are bathed in sweat as he keeps struggling.

–I don't know, you tell me.‐ I try not to laugh as the words leave my mouth.

–My fucking arm is stuck under this thing.- he punches de couch with his free hand.

–How did it end up there Eds?- I don't even bother to keep it in anymore and a laugh comes out from the bottom of my chest.

–Oh it's just something that I enjoy doing...what do you think? My fucking guitar pick fell under it!- he starts out with a calm tone full of sarcasm and ends up yelling with a pitched voice.–Could you just help me already?

I laugh even harder, but I get up and place my hands under the side of the couch, lifting it up, freeing his arm. He rubs his now red, almost bruised, bicep as he mutters a "fucking couch" under his breath.

–You're welcome.- I let it down again and let myself fall on it.–Didn't it occur to you to just move it to the side?‐ His eyes snap up at me.

–Well, obviously not smartass.- getting up to sit beside me. I lift my hands in a surrendering.

–Okay okay, chill.- but I am laughing hysterically, which only increases his bad temper. His face turning red again.–Anyway, I brought ramen. Do you have any clean pots?.- I turn to look at the kitchen only to find the sink full of dirty dishes.–Nevermind.

His back is now laying against the cushions, he's lookin at the ceiling, putting on display his side profile.

Eddie has long, curly hair that falls a little lower down his shoulders. Big brown eyes, right under the waves of his bangs. We actually have the same haircut... kind of. The only differences being the orange dye in my hair compared to the chocolate of his locks, and mine has a lot more layers and volume. We're pretty similar in a lot of things, even in clothing.

His skin is pale making his pink lips stand out more as he bites on his bottom lip thinking.

–I'm too tired to cook right now.- he says with a dramatic sigh.–Why don't we go out?‐ He tilts his head to look at me.–I could use some fresh air.-I roll my eyes.

☆–Okay but I'm not driving.‐He shruggs nonchalantly.

A few moments later I'm handing him the keys to my car, as he enters the driver's seat. The sound of the engine roaring in the trailer park as he speeds off.

–The guys really want to meet you, you know?- I'm deep in thought when his voice fills the car, gaze lost in the window while i suck on a cherry lollipop.- Dustin wouldn't shut up about you after he met you.

–I mean, I will be having a few days off from work during the holidays.- I say, taking the sweet out of out my mouth, focusing on him. He's been trying to introduce me to his friends for a while now, I usually work double shifts so I barely have any free time. I kept promising him that I would find some time, but it's nearly impossible. After all, we are short on people at the store. But I did meet Dustin one evening after work, I'd stomped into Eddie's place unannounced as always. They were so focused on the videogame they were playing that I almost killed them from a heart attack. Kid's pretty cool though.

–Maybe you could join the D&D Christmas campaign.- My eyebrows rise in surprise, he's very picky about the people he allows into his D&D club. I've been pestering him about it since I came here, but he always would spit out something along the lines of it not being just a game, life or death situations and not allowing himself to recruit nothing but the best warriors he could find. Everything in a very dramatic way, just as he is. Even after I told him that I've been playing for years now, he wouldn't change his mind. Saying that the key word was "playing", and that it was enough for him to know I wasn't worthy of a place in his fantasy world or the Hellfire Club.

–Are you okay? Do you have a fever or something?- I tease placing the back of my hand on his forehead, fake concern lacing my voice. He pushes it away, not moving his eyes from the road.

–Shut up.- he laughs.–I'm just tired of listening to you bitching about it.

–Yeah, sure.‐ chuckling I place the candy back I'm my mouth looking outside the window again. I don't need to look at him to know that he rolled his eyes. He stretches his arm to reach the cassette of the car, turning up the volume and banging his head to the beat of Mötley Crüe. He speeds up the car almost to its limits, enjoying the thrill of the adrenaline as he laughs vibing to the song.

It only takes us two more songs before my car is far behind parked as we reach for the door of Richie's, I swear they make the best burgers here. The place is full, diferent groups of teenagers spread throughout the ample space. We make our way to a table and just as we were about to sit down, someone shouts behind us.

–Munson!☆

Next chapter.

[spiteless-xo]

╰┈➤ fake dating - tbaw. ⋙ sometime during arc 1.

why was it deleted. ididn't really like the fake dating plotline for this story because it meant that any development between jean/reader would be seen as cheating from jean's perspective, and it seemed out of character for him to do that after his history with pieck. having this fic be a love triangle with a fake dating storyline didn't really make sense. what changed. you ask eren to be your fake boyfriend instead of just friends with benefits. eren already knows he's in love with you at this point. you get a little bit of jean's pov here. jean and eren's relationship isn't as toxic/strained as in the published story. tbh this almost feels like an entirely different story, it's so weird to read it compared to what's on ao3. ft. fem!reader, eren, jean, connie, sasha. cw. unedited, explicit language, explicit sexual content (oral sex, fingering, vaginal sex, unprotected, creampie, overstimulation/crying, name calling: slut, exhibitionism-ish), second person pov, 5,000 words.

Please remember that this scene was deleted for a reason and that nothing that happens here occurs in the actual story posted on AO3. This is just fun bonus content for people who are interested in reading more.

context. none needed.

You text Eren later that day, asking him to come over so the two of you can talk. Eren’s not sure what you want to talk about, but he rushes over anyway, excited to see you.

When you let him into your house, his heart clenches at the sight of you. You look happy again, for the first time in a while.

He can’t control the smile on his face as you lead him up into your bedroom and quietly shut the door behind you. “What do you wanna talk about?” He asks, settling into your bed as you sit on the edge next to him.

“You can’t laugh, ok?” you say, Eren can see you pouting at him from the corner of his eye.

“I promise.”

You lace your fingers with his as Eren struggles to focus on your face. “Did you ever see that Netflix movie with Lana Condor?”

“Who?”

“To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before?”

Eren wasn’t familiar, but hearing you say the title makes his heart tighten. Were you going to confess your feelings for him? He wanted to pull you into his lap but you were sitting a little too far away. “No, I haven’t seen that one,” he says as he scootches closer to you until your thighs are pressed against one another.

“It’s about a girl who writes letters to all the boys she’s loved --”

“Uh huh,” Eren says, his hand squeezing around yours.

“-- and her little sister mails them all out - whatever, it doesn’t really matter the whole plot.” You wave your other hand in dismissal as Eren brushes a loose strand of hair out of his face and behind his ear.

“Come on,” Eren urges, squeezing your hand tighter. “Tell me about the movie - or whatever.”

You laugh, eyes crinkling as you look at Eren and he wants to grab your face and kiss you, but he waits.

“I don’t know if you’ll be into it, but I have this crazy idea I wanted to run by you.”

Spit it out.

“Do you want to be my fake boyfriend?”

Eren feels like his brain is lagging. “Your… what?”

“In the movie, the two characters fake date to make the guy’s ex-girlfriend jealous,” you explain, looking away. “Jean was really jealous of us hooking up, so I think that if you and I fake date, I can finally help him realize his feelings for me.”

Jean fucking Kirstein. It all comes back to him.

With your face turned away, you don’t see the disappointment etched on Eren’s face. He pulls his hands free from yours and leans back on the bed to rest on his forearms, running a hand through his hair as he thinks.

Fake date the girl he’s in love with to make the guy she’s in love with jealous - how pathetic.

“We can like, hook up and stuff, just like before,” you say. “But then also, you can like, stay the night at my place and join us for movie nights and stuff.” You shrug and look over at him, blushing in embarrassment. “Is that ok? Or is that weird?”

“Sure,” he says. He’d be pathetic for you.

You smile at Eren and it all feels worth it. “Thanks, Eren,” you say with a sigh and you toss your leg across his hips, straddling him on the bed. “Do you want to hook up right now?”

Yes, desperately. “What about your roommates?” he asks, looking up at you as you run your hands up and down his chest. 

“They’re not home right now,” you say before leaning forward to kiss softly against Eren’s neck. “Sasha’s playing soccer and the boys are out picking up food for movie night.”

“Movie night’s tonight?” Eren asks, laying flat on his back so his hands can press into your thighs. 

“Well, it’s the long weekend, so movie night is every night,” you laugh against his skin. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

“Oh, I want to,” he says, voice low as his fingers slide under the fabric of your shorts to grab your ass. “I’ve missed you so much, baby.”

Fake dating isn’t what Eren wants from you, but it doesn’t sound so bad when you’re grinding on his lap like this. And you want him to stay the night and hang out with your friends - that sounds great. So what if you’re just using him to make Jean jealous? 

Eren knows Jean doesn’t give a shit about you, so it doesn’t matter how jealous you make him, he’ll still be fucking oblivious. And Eren will get to fuck you and kiss you and hold your hand and sleep in your bed. This plan sounds better and better the more Eren thinks about it.

He flips you over on to your back, caging his arms around your head as he looks down at you. “Fake dating,” he says, dipping his head down to bite at your neck. “So I get to tell everyone you’re my girlfriend, right?”

You hum in response, tilting your head to the side to allow Eren more space to lick and suck and bite. You wrap your legs around his hips, locking your ankles together behind him, and pull him tight against your body as his lips roam across your collarbones.

“I can hold your hand and shit at work? Take you for lunch? Fuck you in the break room?”

You try to laugh but it’s cut off by a moan with Eren sinks his teeth into your skin. He slides off the floor and on to his knees next to the bed, tugging on the waistband of your shorts to pull them off of your hips. He needs to taste you.

[DELETED ORAL SEX SCENE FROM HERE AND PUT INTO CHAPTER 16]

You don’t know how long has passed and how many orgasms he’s pulled from you by the time Jean and Connie return home. Even in your post-/pre-/mid-orgasmic haze, you can still hear Connie yelling when he enters the house.

You look down at Eren through half-lidded eyes, pulling harder on his hair to pull his mouth from you. “Eren -- stop -- they --” you can hardly speak as his eyes flick up to meet your gaze, glinting with mischief as he draws another choked orgasm from your exhausted body.

You hear a faint knocking on your door over the lewd sounds of Eren’s tongue on your cunt. “Are you home? We’re gonna start dinner soon.” It’s Jean.

“Don’t open the door!” you say quickly, eyes looking down at Eren in alarm as he pauses - finally.

“You ok?” Jean asks from the other side.

Eren gets up from off the floor, leaning his body over yours as his fingers play with your clit. His face is covered in you and it makes your heart lurch in your chest. Why did the boys have to come home already?

“Hey, you good?” Jean asks, knocking again.

“Yes!” you gasp as Eren plunges his fingers inside of you. You can’t tell how many he’s pushed into you, but the sensation of finally being filled after being tortured with his tongue for so long almost makes you come undone on the spot.

Jean asks another question from outside your room and all you can do is cover your mouth from a strangled moan as Eren’s fingers curl inside of you.

“We’ll come out in a sec,” Eren says, voice calm and collected as you fuck yourself on his hand. “Sasha home yet?” he asks and you look up at him pained.

Jean doesn’t answer right away. “No, she’s still at soccer.”

“When’s she coming back?”

You can’t believe Eren’s having a conversation with Jean with his fingers buried in your cunt. You pray that Jean doesn’t decide to open the door, but you’re certain he can hear the wet squelching noises as Eren’s hand pumps against you. Your eyes water as your pussy flutters tightly around his fingers when Eren brings you over the edge into another orgasm.

“Uh,” Jean stumbles over his words. “Soon, probably.”

Removing his fingers from inside of you, he pulls his sweats down off his hips to let his hard, aching cock spring free from his pants. He guides it to your entrance and pushes inside you roughly as he says, “Yes, that’s great.”

His voice is tight as he slowly pumps into you and you have to clench your eyes shut and clamp your hand over your mouth to stop your desperate whiny moans from escaping. “Do you need help making dinner?” he calls.

Tears are freely falling from your eyes as Eren rocks his hips against your sore, overstimulated pussy. You can hardly breathe, much less speak - and here he is having a conversation with Jean about dinner like he’s not balls deep inside of you. You would be pissed if he didn’t feel so good.

“No, we’re good.” Jean says sharply and you finally hear his footsteps walking away from outside of your door.

“Do you think he knew?” Eren asks, whispering against your ear as he grinds down into your hips. “Think he knew I had you spread out like this for me like my own little slut?”

Eren loves the way you squeeze around him when he fills you like this. He wishes you wouldn’t muffle your noises for him, he wants to hear you begging for him.

He wants to tease you more until you’re limp and satisfied in his arms, but his cock aches for release and he finds himself spilling into you suddenly without warning. Eren gasps and grunts into your neck when he cums as your body trembles beneath him from exhaustion.

You finally pull your hands away from your face and try to blink up at him. Your eyes are blurry from the tears and your mind is dizzy from arousal, but you can still see Eren’s soft eyes as he looks down at you. 

When he pulls away, both of you are breathing hard. “So how was that?” he asks, pulling out of you and rolling next to you on the bed. He pulls his sweats back up his hips to cover himself as you continue to lay next to him, spread out and covered in each others’ mess.

“Is that how you fuck all of your girlfriends?” you ask, breathless.

“Just the fake ones,” he winks before sitting up. He looks around your room for a box of tissues to clean you up with, finding one on your desk next to some papers and pictures of you and your friends.

His eyes linger over one of the pictures. It’s the same as the one you have set up at your desk at work, the one with Connie, Sasha, and Jean. He comes back over to the bed to clean off your thighs with the tissues as your eyes fall shut, exhausted.

“You still don’t have a picture of me.” He says and you crack an eye open to look at him.

You smile up at him, watching as he gets up off the bed to return your box of tissues before allowing your eyes to flutter shut again. He wanders around your room, opening your dresser drawers until he finds your sweatpant drawer and pulls out a pair to toss over to you. He leaves you to get dressed while he looks around your room. He likes to see pieces of you scattered across the room.

He knows you're taking a couse with Titan to improve your technical knowledge, so he’s not surprised to find your notes and textbooks littered across your desk. He scans your bookshelves to see all sorts of different novels: romance, thriller, even some manga - all scattered amongst more photos of you, Sasha, Connie, and Jean. He knows the four of you were close, he always saw you together at parties and at hockey games, but based on the photos you have in your room, it seems like they’re your only friends. 

When you find the strength, you pull on the sweats that Eren gave you and try to smooth down your hair in the reflection of your mirror near your bed. You look like a fucked out mess, but once your blush comes down you think you’ll be ok.

“What’re you looking at?” you ask, noticing for the first time that Eren’s snooping through your bookshelf. 

“Nothing,” he says quietly, turning back to you. You’re still laying sprawled out on the bed and he almost feels bad for feeling himself stir in his sweatpants as he looks down at you, but then he remembers you’re dating now.

Or fake dating, whatever.

“You ready to go help with dinner? I think you promised Jean we’d help,” you say with a laugh.

“He said not to bother.” Eren pulls his hoodie off and tosses it over to you, leaving him in just his grey sweats and black v-neck shirt. You catch it and look over at Eren, confused. “If we’re dating, you should probably wear some of my shit,” he says, looking away to hide his blush.

With a smile, you pull his hoodie on over your tank. You’re swimming it in and it falls just past your ass, but it’s soft and it smells like vanilla. “Good call,” you say. “Have you done this before?”

“Dated girls? Yeah,” Eren scoffs.

“Right,” you say, feeling your chest tighten. “We should go.”

When the two of you leave your room, Eren ducks into the bathroom to clean himself off, leaving you to wander into the kitchen alone. Jean sees you come in first, eyes narrowing at the oversized black hoodie.

You walk over to the sink and wash you hands, looking over at the two boys on either side of you, chopping vegetables for your dinner tonight. “Sorry, I should have let you guys know he was coming over. We’re going to need more food.”

“Huh?” Connie says, clueless.

“Eren’s going to stay for movie night,” you explain, looking over at him with a smile.

“You’re still fucking him?” Jean asks, voice sharp and tight.

You feel Eren’s arms wrap around you, pulling you tight against his chest. He rests his head on your shoulder as he looks over at Jean, smirking. “More than fucking, Kirstein. We decided to make things official.”

You can’t see the way Jean’s jaw tightens as he looks over at Eren wrapped around you. His whole body flinching when Eren says official. “Oh, is that right?” Jean says through clenched teeth.

Jean definitely seems jealous as he looks at the two of you together and Eren can feel his smirk falter. He knows Jean is a conniving, manipulative fuck-face, and your little fake dating plan might work a lot faster than Eren wants it to. 

He’s not sure how much time he’ll have with you before Jean fucks with your head again.

“Woah, congratulations guys!” Connie cheers, high-fiving you with a huge grin on his face. “Does that mean Eren’s gonna be around all the time?”

“If that’s ok,” you say quickly, wanting to turn to look at Jean but being unable to do so with Eren on your shoulder.

“That’s fine, man, it’s been a while!” Connie says, lightly punching Eren’s shoulder.

Eren pulls away from you and punches Connie back gently, the two falling into easy conversation as they rekindle their friendship from before Eren and Jean’s falling out.

When Eren steps away, you’re finally able to look over at Jean to try to get a read on how he’s feeling. His face is turned away from you, focusing on chopping onions for tonight, but he can see you looking at him from the corner of his eye.

“I thought you weren’t dating,” he says, so quietly that you almost don’t hear him.

“I changed my mind,” you say, glancing over at Connie and Eren to see if they’re paying attention to the two of you. “After getting to know him better, I realized that I have feelings for him.”

It’s a lie, but you can see Jean’s whole body tense from your words.

Tense from the fact that, yet again, you’re running back into the arms of Eren fucking Jaeger. 

It makes you giddy to see such an obvious physical reaction and you almost break out in a grin because of it. Instead, your attention turns to the main door as Sasha walks in with a shriek.

“Eren?” she asks, mouth falling open as her bags drop to the floor.

Eren turns away from his conversation with Connie to smile at Sasha. Her eyes bounce from Eren’s face to his hoodie on you and back again. “Oh my God, are you two together?”

He slings his arm around your shoulder and pulls you tight into his chest, pressing his lips softly against your own as Sasha shrieks again. He pulls away, just enough to brush his nose against your as he looks down at you. Your heart pounds in your chest and you have to look away from his intense gaze, flustered.

“Yeah, Sash,” he says, still looking at you. “We are.”

---

You fall asleep in Eren’s arms during the first movie, exhausted from how you and Eren spent the afternoon. Connie and Sasha all but bombard him with questions when they notice.

“Eren, this is so exciting!” Connie whisper-yells, clapping quietly. “This has been such a long-time coming with you two.”

“I can't believe it!” Sasha squeals, leaning forward across the coffee table to get closer. “She couldn’t get enough of The Eren Jaeger.”

Eren tries to stifle back his laughter as his two goofy friends rattle off at him. It feels good to hear them talk about how happy they are for the two of you, even if he knows it’s all fake on your end.

“I doubt it’s gonna last,” Jean says from the other end of the couch. Sasha and Connie both whip around to scold him as Eren’s narrowed eyes meet Jean’s. 

“How could you say that?” Sasha says angrily, slapping Jean across the chest. “Be supportive of your friends!”

“Ow, Sasha!” Jean flinches from Sasha’s hit, but he doubles down. “Eren’s a fucking prick. You’ve all seen the way he treated the girls at school. He’s just taking advantage of her.”

“I’m taking advantage of her?” Eren growls and you stir in his arms from the rumbling in Eren’s chest.

You blink up at Eren with sleepy eyes as the everyone around you hushes. “Sorry,” you say, voice soft and quiet. “Did I fall asleep?”

“You’re good, babe,” he says, leaning down to kiss you on the cheek. When he pulls away he fixes a hard stare on Jean, who’s ignoring everyone around him by focusing on the movie on the tv.

“You guys can go to bed if you want,” Sasha offers. “We’ve got Monday off too, so we can finish the rest of the movies tomorrow night.”

“Ok,” you say sleepliy, allowing Eren to help you up as you shuffle into the bedroom.

Eren closes the door behind you and you flop down onto the bed, facedown. You don’t even bother to take off your clothes, you’re so tired.

“Are you gonna sleep like that?” Eren asks, pulling off his t-shirt and sweats, leaving himself in just his black boxer briefs, before walking over to you on the bed.

“Too tired to change,” you whine, rolling away from him.

He laughs, you were so cute. He never got to see you sleepy like this before. It feels so intimate and domestic to finally see this side of you.

“Come on,” he says, tugging on his hoodie as you whine. “You’ll be more comfy with less clothes.”

“You’re just trying to fuck me again,” you whine, but you allow him to pull his hoodie off of you. He hooks his fingers under the waistband of your sweats and pulls them down past your hips and off your feet. He feels the burn of arousal in his stomach after he successfully peels your pants off - he forgot you didn’t have any underwear on underneath.

“I’m… not,” he says, strained. “Unless you want me to.”

“Maybe tomorrow,” you sigh, letting him fix the blankets so you can crawl underneath them. “I’m too tired after today.”

He slides under the covers behind you and pulls you close against his chest. You nuzzle your face into his skin and sigh against it. “Are you drunk?” he asks with a laugh, rubbing soft circles in your back.

“No, just sleepy,” you say, content.

“Can you stay up for a little bit? I wanna talk to you about something.”

You audibly pout but look up at him from where your face is buried in his chest. “It can’t wait until the morning?”

“I don’t want to forget.” He brushes the hair out of your face with his hand and watches as you try to blink away your sleepiness to focus on what he has to say. “I think we need some terms and conditions for this whole, fake dating, thing.”

You chuckle, eyes crinkling. “Ok…? Like what?”

“We have to treat this like a real relationship, so you can’t hook up with any other people, and obviously neither can I.”

“Obviously.”

“We have to hold hands and like, cuddle, and stuff.”

“Easy,” you scoff and it warms his heart.

“We should try to stay together for a decent amount of time,” he says quietly and he hopes you can’t hear the way his heart is threatening to beat out of his chest. “If we break up too soon, Jean might not have fully fallen for you, y’know. So like, six months, I think - at least.”

“Hmm, that’s a good point,” you say with a nod. “I thought you said you didn’t watch the movie, and suddenly now you’re an expert?”

“I’m no expert,” he laughs. “I’m just trying to… maximize our chances for success.”

“Ok,” you hum, burying your face back into his chest. “Any other rules?”

“If you fall in love with me, you have to tell me right away,” he says, voice tight.

You laugh into his chest and wrap your arms around him tighter. “You think I’m going to fall in love with you, Eren Jaeger?”

No, he didn’t think - he hoped.

“You never know,” he hums.

“Ok - deal.” He wonders if you’re going to flip the rule back on him too, but instead you sigh against him. “Can I go to sleep now?”

“Go for it, babe.”

“Goodnight, Eren,��� you murmur before drifting off to sleep again.

---

Eren wakes up before you in the morning to find you still curled up against his chest. He wants to stay here with you forever, but the ache in his bladder has him slinking out of bed and down the hall to the bathroom.

Sighing with relief from his now-empty bladder, he wanders into the kitchen for a glass of water but finds Jean already there, grabbing ingredients from the fridge for breakfast.

Eren decides to be civil, “Morning, Jean.”

Jean isn’t, “Fuck you, Jaeger.”

Eren grabs a glass from the cupboard and fills it with water, leaning against the counter to watch Jean prep breakfast as he drinks. 

“What the fuck do you want?”

“Nothing, just drinking water.” He taps on the glass with his finger as Jean scowls at him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I literally just told you.”

“No -- I mean with her.”

Eren smirks as Jean starts cracking eggs into a bowl. He’s sure Jean’s imagining that each one of those eggs is Eren’s face from the way he’s practically smashing them against the counter.

“We’re dating - you know, girlfriend and boyfriend -- are you familiar with the term?”

“Fuck off, Jaeger.”

“You should be nice to me,” Eren says before taking a sip from his water. “Your room is right next door to hers, isn't it? If you're nice to me, maybe I won't keep you up all night."

Jean cringes at his implication. “You’re disgusting. I know you’re just using her for sex.”

“I’m not, actually,” Eren says sharply. “You’d realize that if you ever took your head out of your ass.”

Jean doesn’t bother to respond as he cuts open a packet of bacon. He lays all the strips out on a baking sheet before turning on the oven to pre-heat, all under Eren’s gaze.

“Are you just going to fucking stand there and watch me all morning?”

“That’s a lot of bacon for one person,” Eren responds, eyeing the food as Jean preps it.

“It’s not just for me,” he says with a sigh. “I’m making breakfast for everyone.”

“Me too?”

“Begrudgingly.”

Eren makes a silent face of approval as he watches Jean cut up some potatoes for hashbrowns.

“I make breakfast for everyone on the weekends. Sometimes weekdays too, if I’m not busy,” he explains, cutting into the spuds roughly. “It’s like a tradition here.”

“That’s surprisingly nice of you,” Eren says in disbelief. “You don’t strike me as the type.”

“I want to learn how to get better at cooking - not that I owe you an explanation.”

“Right. Because you were raised with fuckin chefs and butlers, so you’ve never had to cook before,” Eren says, more to himself than to Jean.

The oven makes a noise to signify that it’s reached the selected temperature and Jean slides the baking tray into the oven before setting a timer on his phone. He oils a pan with some butter and tosses the chopped chunks of potato into the pan to fry them.

“Smells good,” Eren says, putting his now-empty glass into the sink. “Can’t wait to try some.”

“Thanks,” Jean spits, but the praise makes him blush, even if it’s from Eren fucking Jaeger.

“I thought you left.”

The attention of the two boys turns to you as you stumble into the kitchen, rubbing at your eyes with the sleeve of Eren’s sweater. Your legs are bare underneath it and Eren wonders if you remembered to put underwear on.

“Nah, babe, I’m still here,” Eren says with a smile. “Just talking with your favourite roomie.”

You approach Eren and wrap your arms around his waist, leaning into his chest as you look over at Jean while he works on the food. “Jean does this every morning,” you explain.

“Yeah, we were just talking about that,” Eren wraps his arms around your shoulders and pulls you closer against him. He slides his leg between your thighs to gently press his thigh against your clothed cunt - good, you remembered.

You squrim in his arms and push his thigh away from you while Jean works on frying the potatoes. 

“Are you gonna make some coffees for everyone?” Jean asks, his back facing both of you.

“In a minute,” you say, holding Eren tighter. 

Even though this is all a plan to make Jean jealous, you can’t ignore how happy you feel in Eren’s arms like this. Enveloped in the warmth of his hoodie and the smell of his vanilla cologne, it almost feels like you really are dating. 

The two of you stay like that until the timer on Jean’s phone goes off for the bacon. As Jean pulls the bacon out from the oven, you pull away from Eren to make some coffees with your espresso machine.

“I thought I heard the bacon alarm!” Connie says, coming around the corner and into the kitchen. He clasps his hands and rubs them together like a fly as he looks around Jean’s body at the sizzling baking pan in his hands.

“Connie, back off, I’m going to burn you.” Jean says, pushing Connie back with one arm while he sets the hot pan on the unused half of the stove. “Wait until it cools off a bit.”

Connie pouts but obediently goes to sit on the dining room table while he waits for the food. He looks around at the table, confusion etched on his face.

“What’s up?” Eren asks with a nod, noticing Connie’s expression.

“We need another chair for you,” he says, pointing at the four chairs surrounding the table. “We only have enough for us.”

You turn around to look at the table and realize that Connie is right, there’s only four chairs. You never needed any more than that when it was just you and the roommates. “Can you get your gamer chair maybe, just for today?”

Connie nods, getting up to go to his room to retrieve an extra chair while you turn back to work on the coffee.

Eren comes up behind you, grabbing your hips and pulling you flush against his body as he ducks his face into your neck. “You don’t wanna sit on my lap?” he hums, his lips pressing softly into your skin.

“Maybe later,” you say, face blushing as you try to tame the shaking of your hands as you work your espresso machine. “Why don’t you go get some clothes on so you’re not sitting at the table in your underwear?”

Eren laughs and kisses you once on the shoulder, again on your neck, and then softly on your cheek. “Good idea.”

When Eren steps away from you, you release a shaky breath that you didn’t realize you were holding. Being around Eren always made you lightheaded. It was because of the way he touched you, the way he kissed you, and the way he made you feel.

You made fun of all of those other girls from school for falling over themselves to be with him, but here you were doing the exact same thing. How could you not? Eren was enticing. He definitely wasn’t the worst person to be fake dating.

[ticklishfiend]

3, 4, 6, 7, 23, and 26! 💖

3. What are some of your favorite tickling related stories, art, videos, or other posts on tumblr?

oooo amazing question. okay these are gonna be some recs for fics i’ve been rereading recently. so any fics by @tklpilled are so good and re-readable, i’d rec lose myself in you , and dandelion. anything by @thebest-medicine is gonna have me in a chokehold but these kill me every time lustige-geschichten , relentless , arms up , and this lovely piece of art by @ticklishfanart is sooooo <33

4. What is your favorite tickle story trope?

aaaaah that’s so tough pls. maybe not my favorite but i’m a sucker for the ler discovering the lee is ticklish and tickling for a second just to tease them, before stopping cause they don’t wanna go overboard. then they realize the lee has gone all quiet and blushy, so the ler playfully interrogates them with teases and tickles til they admit they like it dhsjfjd

6. What fictional character(s) would you love to see have a canonical tickle scene?

oh so many. literally. every fav character i’ve ever had. definitely zuko, nothing crazy cause im canon i rlly think he’d Hate That LMAO but like. lil squeeze maybe. make him snicker 😝 and also bakugou, either in the exact same way as zuko, or getting wrecked by his friends or even some weird tickle villain LMAOO my boys deserve to laugh 🙏

7. What fictional character(s) would you love to tickle and / or be tickled by?

blushes. okay i would love to be tickled by korra hdjsjf she’s just so strong and teasy i would die. if i were to be the ler, probably either robin or steve from stranger things LOL they’d be the cutest lees (would not hate revenge tickles from both either……)

23. What’s your favorite way to tickle someone and / or to be tickled?

ooooo okay so when i’m tickling, i love being like. methodical with it. when i tickled my friend/partner for the first time, i laid them across my lap and slowly but surely found all their tickle spots before wrecking their worst spots at the end lol. when i’m being tickled, i either want Exactly what i do when i ler, or i wanna be pinned bc im a very big squirmer fhskjfd

26. What is your favorite thing about tickling?

oh goshh that’s so hard. so when it’s me getting tickled, i love being made to laugh like that, it genuinely feels so good getting to let go and just feel. i love the power dynamic, i love how it’s a little embarrassing and makes me get flustered cause hardly anything else in the world can make me flustered like that. it’s dynamic in a way that can be both fun and playful with no ulterior intentions other than having fun, while also able to be sensual and intimate in the right contexts. i could talk abt my love of tickling for pages and pages so ill just stop there LOL

[ty-bayonet-betteridge]

Gimme directors commentary for Two Liars Lying To Eachother please!

its been a while since ive thought about this fic in any capacity lksajdaskdfld lets see if it still holds up! directors commentary for chapter 1, i'll be doing the others separately later :D

Each of his hands was cuffed to one of the table's legs, somewhat restraining his motion. He hated it; he preferred being able to fidget.

autism edgar but this also isnt the sort of autism i tend to see him as having? idk the idea of edgar stimming is very weird to me

That was a somewhat good sign. He took another glance at the large, mirrored wall of the room, which he had no illusions was reflective on the other side. The only question was whether anyone was in the viewing room to catch his knowing glances.

theres an XKCD about how fun it is to occasionally announce "i know you're listening" to an empty room, because if you're wrong nobody will ever know and if you're right it will freak the HELL out of them. thats basically what Mustardseed is doing here.

According to Michael, he had traded himself in to the compound in exchange for catching Mustardseed - for catching me, Edgar thought, smiling faintly.

seamless exposition, me. i had to establish that this Edgar was Mustardseed, but the narration is roughly tied to his view of things, and Mustardseed doesn't think of himself as Mustardseed, just as Edgar, so the narration couldn't call him Mustardseed.

The door swung open and in came Ty Betteridge. He was a few years older than the last time Edgar had seen him, back when he'd killed him inside of Tier Two on the night Base was formed,

...wasn't that Hunter? or did it become Edgar that killed young!Ty in the post-72 timeline? i am confuse

Well, I appreciate making me feel like a criminal after you plucked me out of the middle of my normal day.

hes so bitchy and for what?

If you're worried about unpredictability, why does the cowboy get to roam free? He's been rather hard to keep under control, in my experience.

i wanted to make it clear just how bitter Edgar is towards all members of Base, so of course five seconds into this conversation he tries to fuck Michael over

Ty's grin was somewhat predatory.

this fic is 90% me looking for different ways to describe smiles. Ty and Mustardseed are both very smiley.

They called you OVEdgaR,

i think im the only person who capitalizes ovedgar that way

"With my husband, yeah." Edgar smiled and raised his left hand to show off the simple wedding band. "Mm. Congrats. Mike told me he wasn't married to you, how odd."

I FORGOT HOW DISMISSIVE TY SOUNDED HERE. he cares of course but

Base Mike and Edgar aren't married.

i try to be very precise about the names characters use for each other, because i think its a very quick way to characterize relationships. Mustardseed always refers to them as "Base Mike" and "Base Edgar", while Ty refers to them as just Mike and Edgar, or possibly Mikey and Edgar, depending on context.

"Hm. You're much less trouble than the Mikes; each one of them ties so much into their name. It's a little exhausting keeping track of them, to be honest." "Well, I never really had trouble with it, but I suppose it is easier if you care about him." Edgar smiled like he hadn't just thrown out the barb. Ty laughed. "I care about Mike Walters more than you can imagine, Panther." Ty grinned, waiting to see if Edgar would respond to the pet name. Edgar kept his face neutral and pleasant.

Edgar definitely won that exchange :P its important to me that Edgar feels like he's in control of the conversation even though he very clearly isnt in control of the situation, because that's the vibe he gave off in ep 84.

Moving on… you established a campaign of terror against Mike's base in an attempt to free yourself and your… husband… from their control. Is that right?

Ty is reading these questions off his clipboard and the prompt on it didnt say "husband," it said "OVER Mike." HOWEVER the pause before saying it was something Ty probably did deliberately to keep up his veneer of indifference.

"I'd rather not put Michael through any more undue stress. He's had a hard couple of days, especially with all the strain you've been putting on him."

this is so funny to me, because it IS another barb, but its also sort of Ty trying to guilt-trip Edgar like thats gonna work??? :P

I have a lot of sympathy for Michael too, but as far as I know, he's never had anyone threaten him at gunpoint to stay in Base.

i'll be honest, he probably has. Michael's seen some shit

"I am sorry for your situation, Edgar, I really am. But you do keep pulling me away from the questions, and the sooner we get these done, the sooner we can get you out of those cuffs and moved to your quarters."

this is a very Ty Betteridge thing to say. like yeah, im sorry that YOU keep delaying me from getting you comfortable. hes so...

So he was listening when Michael and I were talking.

reading it back, i feel like i didnt give the audience enough credit. they probably could have picked up on these little jabs and maneuvering tactics without me having to point them out. anyway yes, ty is doing this interview only half for actual information gathering reasons, the other half is just to waste edgars time as a form of basic psychological warfare

Your Base may be rudimentary, but I believe that you are a smart man, Edgar.

i keep pointing out the little jabs and not having much to say about them, but theyre still so good to me. "i know all your friends are stupid but i didnt think you were too"

"Sometimes smart people do dumb things in the heat of passion." "And is that the only reason you made those thirty-two duplicates?" "It's the only reason I'm going to be telling you."

i'll be honest, i have no idea what i was hinting at here. i think canon at one point suggested there might have been an ulterior motive to the Mustardseed escapees, but i didn't make any sort of plan for what that might be. if i had to retroactively justify it, i'd say Mustardseed's future scouting told him that the escapees would be consolidated into MW, and that MW's existence was important to his plans somehow.

"I've got all day, Ty." Edgar smiled across the table, a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

i just ctrl+f'ed and the word "smile" appears 7 times in this 1k word chapter.