#It's my self-indulgent AU and I CAN CHOOSE TO MAKE THESE CHARACTERS HAPPY
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wolvenjay · 4 months ago
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Scarecrow Week 2024 - Day 3 Farm-Life Family
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mapofyourstars · 21 days ago
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How did you get into writing fanfiction?
What do you struggle with most when writing?
How many WIPs do you have and how many do you aspect to finish?
How do you get over writer's block?
What stops you from writing more in your free time?
Have you notice your style changing over time?
What fic meant the most to you to write?
A character you want to make suffer.
A character you want to protect.
Thanks for the message! Putting my answers under a read more to not clog the dash.
How did you get into writing fanfiction?
Oh, boy - when I was twelve/thirteen, I started writing fanfiction for Twilight on fanfiction.net because I was so motivated with that fandom and the story. What a time to be alive.
What do you struggle with most when writing?
Currently, I'm trying to teach myself how to write in present-tense, and it's going horribly. My writing style is very fitting for past-tense, and I have to change a lot about the way I intrinsically write to fit present-tense. But more generally, I struggle with word variation, and I'm too stubborn to google synonyms.
How many WIPs do you have and how many do you aspect to finish?
I currently have two posted - soulmate au and succubus!charles. The first one is ongoing, but eventually, it'll finish itself once I run out of soulmate tropes. The second one will be finished - I need to sit down and just write it - just gonna be a lot o' sex, and I gotta mentally prepare for that. Lined up, however, I have a wip I'm almost done outlining for my dadneto fic to continue their story (and I'm actually converting the already published fics in the series to present-tense). I also have three other wips I'd like to get started on soon - modern a/b/o, an apocalyptic au, and a charmed au - dunno if they'll be in that order. These four will definitely happen, but the ETA is just unknown at this point. Then, I have at least a dozen different one-shots/short fics I want to write, but lord, I don't have enough time in the day with work and decompressing to get them all sorted. But eventually, I'll get there.
How do you get over writer's block?
I usually just have to think of doing something else with the characters or the plot of another fic, and then I'm pretty good. I bounce from idea to idea, so as long as I have another idea I haven't thought about in a while, I can jump to that and come back to my block later.
What stops you from writing more in your free time?
Work and my executive dysfunction. Sometimes just making the move to open the document on my computer is hard, so I usually just freeze for a while and fail to write when I know I should be. I try not to be too hard on myself when that happens though, but easier said than done.
Have you notice your style changing over time?
Oh, yes. I don't even wanna open the Twilight fics I wrote for fear of what's written there; and even in trying to reuse some plots from previous works, I cringe at the writing style I had back then. I was young though, and even though I'm proud of how my style has grown, I still have loads to learn and perfect. Writing is like a muscle, and it only gets stronger with practice.
What fic meant the most to you to write?
Wanted to say my self-indulgent X-Men x Avengers crossover fic that got me back into writing after being scared of judgement and self-criticism for years. BUT. I'm gonna have to say my reincarnation au fic. That work made me cry, laugh, experience a range of human emotions; and I want to write more versions of her because I love her so. I always wanted to write something like her, and I'm beyond happy that cherik managed to pull her out of my mind and onto the page.
A character you want to make suffer.
At the end of the day, I don't think I wanna make my characters suffer - I just unconsciously choose to do so. It's my flavor of plot. I suppose I tend to make Erik suffer quite a lot, which is a shame because I just want that man to experience peace; but some of the best character developments come out of pain and anguish. In terms of other characters and just making them suffer for suffering's sake, I don't hate a character that much to do something like that - I just don't include them in my fics, lol.
A character you want to protect.
The dichotomy of man strikes again. I must protect Erik at all costs, while simultaneously making his life a living hell.
author ask game!
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sw33tl1es · 8 days ago
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The order is bc im trying to make this look aesthetically pleasing, not about which ship i like more (except for oumota being first)
(Banners made by @danganronpa-shipping-galore)
Sorta of in depth explanations
1) Oumota: it was literally made in a factory for me, they have everything i want in a ship
Rivals to lovers, narrative foils, an extremely doomed dinamic that could be different if they weren't in such a dire situation, height and size difference and above everything they have such an immense chemistry, muah perfect
Literally so much to play with
2)Saimaki, i started shipping them as a joke but i started to love them so much! I love the kind of bond they must have after losing Kaito and surving the killing game, very codependent i think
But besides that, i wish they played their talents more in canon, because i find the detective x assasin concept to have so much potential (especially considering both of them arent the biggest fans of their talents iirc lol) theres an au i have which plays on that.
3) Kaemugi, doomed toxic Yuri, I love to play on the idea for Kaede having a sorta crush on Tsumugi just for her to turn around and betray her THAT badly, framing her for Rantaro's death
I love the forgiveness but even the necessary resentment (in vr!au), i also love to explore both of them being guilty for what happened to Rantaro (Kaede still planned it) and feels like you could do something very interesting with them in protag!Kaede au!
4)Kiirumi; not my favorite by any means, I find their canon interactions cute
And i like to think about pregame!Kiibo knowing Pregame!Miu and pontentially be her only friend (this is self indulgent, ik) plus inventor x robot slaps.
5)Komaegi, obligatory i haven't finished sdr2 nor watched dr3 so this is mostly self indulgent fun and idk why this dinamic compels me so much
I love how Nagito is designed to be a deconstruction of how out beloved protagonist, i love how they technically started the same (lucky students) but took such different paths, i think you can do a lot with them! Especially considering Nagito obsession with hope...
6) Naegamigiri, favorite poly ship ever, i think they all have such chemistry with each other is insane (yes, even togami/kirigiri but i ship them in a queerplatonic way) they are the married throuple¿ ever and im just so attached to them
7)chimondo, oh boy lots to say about this one but honestly theres a lot of very specific headcanons that i'm kinda afraid to delve into, so i all i will say is that they are cute and it personally breaks my heart how they were (seemingly) friends before the killing game 🫡 i usually ship them together with Taka but i admit I got lazy finding the ship name.
8)komahinanami, differently from the other antag/protag/support ship, this is more that ship both Hinanami and Komahina and I dont want to pick and choose, i love komanami explicitly only as friends
And especially in my au (which is my vr!au but im trying to also fit all the lore from the other games together, its a lot but i hope one day i find the confidence to talk about it), thinking about those three interacting together with all that happened just </3 makes me both happy and extremely sad, gotta finish the game and watch the anime so im sure its gonna hurt a lot
9) Sakuraoi, this is one of these ships that stuck with me a lot, I find them genuinely one of the best written relationships of Thh and chapter 4 as a whole is never gonna not gonna make me tear up
I also, love personally to have a character like Aoi which is usually very good and friendly have such a big emotional reaction that shes open to the idea of killing everyone and herself for the sake of Sakura, i love how DR never hesitates to make their character have big emotional responses that are sometimes extremely harmful like this one. I like an Aoi that has a type of grief that gets so revengeful shes willing to go lengths she'd never would otherwise.
10) Kaemaki, I admit this is for aesthetical purpose and bc Kaede personality wise reminds me of my oc that i ship with Maki
im sorry i had to have 10 ships and i mostly have platonic ships in this fandom
Its very surface level, i think it could have gotten more interesting if we had protag!Kaede and support!Maki :')) maybe they could have helped each other.
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tippenfunkaport · 2 years ago
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Introducing MAYbe I’ll Make This, the easiest month of prompts you’ve ever participated in happening this May 2023.
It’s a chance to share all those ideas you’ve been toying with that you might draw or write someday with no pressure to actually commit to finishing anything!
Participation can be as little as sharing a few words or a single sentence or as involved as a sketch or plot summary, it’s up to you! 
What’s the point?
To fill our fandom tags with fun new ideas and stimuli to get everyone’s creative juices flowing. For fan creators ourselves, it gives us a chance to talk about our ideas with no pressure to deliver. And who knows, hopefully seeing people excited about our ideas might give us extra inspiration and motivation to maybe even work on them someday!
Here’s how it works:
Throughout May, post anything from a few words to a snippet from an idea you’ve been kicking around that you MAY draw or write someday and tag the related fandoms, if any. (Ideas that you've started, have actively in progress or have even started but abandoned are also welcome!) A few sentences about a fic you might write, a sketch you’re still figuring out, or even a long infodump about the AU of your heart, share as much or as little as you want!. It’s not a commitment to make anything, just a fun excuse to talk about your ideas. 
Don’t have any ideas of your own? No problem! You can still participate by boosting the ideas that others post, asking questions and expressing your excitement about the ideas that appeal to you. 
Anyone from any fandom is welcome to participate as well as original writers so please spread the word!
We’ve got 30 days worth of prompts to get you started that you can interpret anyway you like… or ignore entirely and do your own thing. Do all 30, pick and choose, do them out of order, whatever you want! The point is just to have fun and share your ideas! 
That’s it! Just a super chill, low effort way for us all to celebrate those ideas taking up space in our brains that we aren’t quite ready to commit to making yet (or maybe ever). 
Notes
Participants retain all rights to their ideas and first dibs on the writing / drawing of them.
Want feedback on your ideas? Encourage brainstorming? Happy to let someone else take your idea and write it themselves? Add a note to that effect to your post so people know what kind of interactions are welcome. 
Please be supportive of others' ideas and keep overly negative opinions to yourself (especially if they did not ask for feedback). If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!
You’re welcome to tag your posts with “MAYbe I’ll Make This” or link back to this post to explain the challenge but your host (me) won’t be sharing every post related to this challenge. This is just something I wanted to do for my own purposes to share all the ideas I may never get a chance to write but I’m opening the prompts list to anyone who might like to do the same. 
Questions? Drop me an ask! 
May 2023 Prompts
No Plot Just Vibes
Lives In My Head Rent Free
Sometimes One Must Torture The Blorbos For Enrichment
Completely Self Indulgent
I Just Want Them To Be Happy 😭
Canon Divergent
Inspired By A Movie
Galaxy Brain Of Me, Honestly
No One Wants This But Me
All The Tropes!
Where We’re Going, We Don’t Need Canon
Idea Fueled By Spite
Shameless Excuse For Hurt / Comfort
Inspired By A TV Show
Slaps Idea: This Baby Can Fit So Much Projection!
Yes, I’m Cringe But I’m Free
One! More! Time! 
Totally OOC But Hear Me Out… 
Role Swap
Inspired By Someone Else’s Au
I Hurt Myself With This Idea
Old Tropes, New Tricks
Pretend I’m Good Enough To Pull This Off
It’s Really Just All About This One Scene… 
Crack Treated Seriously 
Seriousness Treated Like Crack 
I’ve Actually Started Working On This
Yes It’s Been Done But Not By Me So
More Of What You’d Call A Character Study
Casually Slides in My OC
Inspired By A Book
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bettsfic · 1 year ago
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hi betts! thx for writing free ride, its one of my fav. i sent this bcz of your a/n at the end of chap 2: "I don't know where communist frat boy Sejanus or lowkey yandere Lucy Gray came from but they are here and they aren't leaving." im always afraid of characters running on their own when i try to write a fic. im afraid they wont be in character anymore if i let them be. so i try to be careful and meticulous, but instead it stops me from writing. have u ever tried to stop charas when they run on their own because they end up not in character? how do you do characterisation when you write a fic?
whenever i get an ask about how to stay IC, in my heart i'm wiping a cartoonish drop of sweat from my brow and stepping in front of a mountain of comments accusing me of OOC.
it's interesting to me that anxiety about writing OOC comes from a proprietary feeling toward existing characters. both our own proprietary feeling which grants us the interest in writing fanfic about them, but also the reader's proprietary feelings which lead them to go "he wouldn't fucking say that."
there's a paradox there, though. many of us write fic to be self-indulgent. self-indulgence means prioritizing the ideal. the ideal sometimes means taking characters away from their canon selves in order to fit the story we're writing.
my whole motivation for Free Ride is wanting to see how coriolanus would be different growing up in contemporary american capitalism. canonically, he's a tyrant. but we have no idea why or how, in canon, north america became panem. panem is not a free market economy; there's not even evidence coriolanus knows what capitalism is. controlling commerce is one of his greatest anxieties. the idea that the capitol could be once again cut off from necessary imports is what leads him to make virtually every decision he makes in both tbosas and thg. so i think he would detest the idea of a free market, but he would never be a socialist.
which is all to say, a lot of the fic i've written these past few years have been kind of "what if" character studies in lieu of writing meta. with that being the goal, i'm less concerned about the characterization of anyone else. suzanne collins set me up well with developing characters who have a strong voice; ultimately, when people say "he wouldn't fucking say that" i think they mean "he wouldn't fucking say that in that way." in the case of tbosas, with the film and book being so different in terms of characterization, i feel there's a bit of leniency anyway. i'm writing book coriolanus with movie lucy gray and sejanus.
also, i think part of the fun of fanfic is selling your characterization. "yandere lucy gray" is a kind of thesis statement and the fic, i hope, backs up that interpretation. sans fearing for her life, i think lucy gray would be a bored twentysomething who feels like a big fish in a little pond and is eager to indulge in the kind of intensity she craves. canonically, i think you can argue they bring out the worst in each other. consciously, i'd gone into this fic eager to see how coriolanus would develop in this particular circumstance. unconsciously, lucy gray and sejanus's voices developed on their own around the premise.
there have been a few situations where i wrote characters in the entirely wrong direction before catching myself. i think i had about 40k of Digging for Orchids written when i realized i'd written xie lian wrong. i imparted on him my own interpretation of a happy ending. i can't really wrap my head around ambition or the drive for fame, so initially he came to accept his fall from grace and moved on from acting. but i remembered that canonically he's a god and his story is about ascension. in a modern au, household name fame is what would make him happiest. so i had to go back a ways and write in a different direction so i could give him the ending he deserved, even if it's not something i would ever choose for myself.
which is all to say, it's important to acknowledge that what you want for your story and what is "right" (in this case, IC) may sometimes be at odds with each other. sometimes what you want is more important, because that's why you're writing in the first place. but sometimes you can have what you want and also stay IC. in the case of Free Ride, i could write you a paper on the choices i made about coriolanus's characterization. i have dozens of annotations in my copy of tbosas interpreting his canon behavior in a modern context. but my only support for communist frat boy sejanus is that i think it's very funny and also the movie totally mangled his character so i feel slightly more justified in making him who i need him to be for the story.
write the story you want to read. once it's written, you can go back and figure out if some piece of characterization isn't sitting right with you. in writing, all things can be fixed. and if you don't feel like fixing them, you don't have to. it's your story.
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bartletslesbians · 2 months ago
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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to five other writers! 💗
Ahh thank you! (I was also tagged for this by @onekisstotakewithme so I'm gonna do both at once, thank you both!)
So I only started writing TWW fic in July of 2024 and I feel like I'm slowly starting to get the hang of writing these characters, so as much as I enjoy the earliest fics I wrote they're not really my favourites anymore cause (I like to think) I've improved character-wise?
My personal favourite is also the longest and currently the only WIP I have up: a feeling so peculiar. It's very angsty, though it'll have a happier ending, and it's a canon-ish AU? Where everything's the same except it starts with CJ surviving a suicide attempt somewhere at the start of season 4. It's a lot of recovery angst and Leo & CJ having an intense father & daughter relationship connecting over trauma. It's one of my favourites cause I'm proud of myself for having written 74K for it already, and I've really enjoyed exploring the different character dynamics and CJ's mental state through it all!
something they can't take away is kinda similar in that regard, in the sense that it's Leo and CJ being able to connect a little over shared mental health experiences. It's based on Leo's quote about addiction and eating disorders, and it has CJ developing an eating disorder in the aftermath of the shuttle leak. It's set on Christmas eve, almost 5K words. There's a hopeful ending. It's one of my favourites because I love exploring CJ's whole well-being during season 6 and 7, and just because I love her relationship with Leo and how well they can really get each other through different experiences.
grilled cheese & princess dresses total gear-shift from the last two bc this is pure fluff. It's a post-administration CJ/Andy fic set on Christmas eve. They're making dinner, Molly and Huck are there, it's a year since Santos took office. CJ's officially a stepmother and the whole thing really is just a happy cozy family having a nice evening and CJ thinking about how damn happy she is with them. It's one of my favourites because it's fun to indulge in fluff, and I'm just a sucker for some happy femslash. It's simply cute.
might just get away with it is also femslash, but it's smut, just 3500 words of PWP for CJ and Carol. I can never decide whether I like CJ/Andy or CJ/Carol better as a femslash ship, and I'm glad I don't have to choose. It's a post-episode of 100,000 airplanes, the ep in which CJ tells Carol "get on the couch, I'm gonna do you right now". In this fic she, well, does that, but feels guilty about it too bc of the whole assistant (and Catholic) thing. It's one of my favourites both because it's the first TWW smut I ever posted, because I love this ship so much, and cause I just really enjoy taking small bits from episodes and just going with them lmao
and finally all they keep asking me is tagged CJ & Andy bc those are the characters interacting, but really the fic is all about Andy/Toby; it's a few weeks after the twins are born, and CJ asks Andy what actually happened at the house. Andy gives her perspective. For this one, it's among my favourites because it was difficult to write and I'm kinda proud at how it turned out? I really tried walking the line between letting the character be as angry and upset as I imagine she would be after the house proposal, while continuing to show that love that there is between Andy and Toby, and not making it feel like character bashing of either of them. It was a bunch of complicated actions and emotions and I think I did a good job keeping it that way?
This was fun to think about!
If you want to, I'm tagging @thebartlets @sp3mily @hawkp and @atearsarahjane for this!
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boxfullaturtles · 2 years ago
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1,10,11,14,16,37,39,42,43,60,65,75
smoly hokes dude okay,,
1. Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?
I think I actually prefer one-shots. Shorter, faster, telling a tiny story rather than a lengthy one. I actually struggle with multi-chapter and it's been years since I finished writing one. Hoping to change that with Adagio...
10. Cltr+f "blinks" on your WIP & copy paste the first sentence/paragraph that comes up
They were eyes that never blinked, never faltered, and captured every moment.
Kinda cheated and dropped the "s" so I would have something to actually share lol. Not telling you which WIP this is from either >:3
[the rest under the cut because this got so long,,,]
11. Link your three favorite fics right now
Uh uh uh b-but I don't I mean I have a lot of favorites I don't have like a tier list this is a lot of pressure um,,
Okay for strictly TMNT fics, I guess I really love Little Scraps of Wisdom by clandestineClairvoyant because it's just. The softest damn thing and I love the characterization of the turtles. Dawning of the Hour by that brilliant bastard Faiakishi has been killing me slowly and I adore every agonizing second of it. And The Lemonade Leak by TurtleSoupSwimmer keeps yanking the rug out from under me just when I think I've gotten shit figured out. Also shout-outs to basically everything Dandy writes but in particular Tapping Out because I relate to that fic so hard and it makes me feel Seen, Violet Neon Nitro by TractorTeeth because fuck me does it scratch that Mad Max itch in my brain box and I LOVE LOVE LOVE the descriptions in it, and The Last Ronin Discord Shenanigans for giving Ronin a happy ending and some very interesting and well written character interactions.
But if we're talking not just TMNT? Then Poor Wayfaring Stranger by lithos_saeculum is one of my number one fics; a FFXV fic and I don't mind if it never gets finished because it's already 60 incredibly well written and amazing chapters that I have reread multiple times. The Good Mourning / Ghost!Jake AU by corruwuption is a Micoverse fic gut punch that I adore and it's written so well and just!! Ahhhgg! Ghost Jake wrecks me every time. And Audience: 822,000 and Homeland Security by WerewolvesAreReal is just. It's my favorite Leverage fic and it's so in character and silly and I absolutely love well-executed outsider perspective fics.
14. how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?
As an extremely emotional person who cries about anything and everything, yes and yes. I definitely put myself in the character's shoes. Although this sometimes has a habit of backfiring as I start writing myself into of the character and then have to go back and edit everything. Oops. But yeah I also draw from personal experience where I can. Different people experience different emotions different ways, everyone reacts differently. But having gone through Some Shit helps me understand certain things better.
16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?
Uuuhhh something like...eleven? Or twelve fic ideas? I think? Haha can't stop, won't stop lmao heLP
Man I dunno which ones I haven't shared anything about yet...I guess my extremely self-indulgent, almost everybody lives, future au crossover thing that would be a multi-chaptered nightmare of a beast and will likely never be written. I should just mess with that for funsies sometime.
Anyway, here's a sketch thing I never finished based on it. Like I said. Very self-indulgent.
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37. How do you choose where to end a chapter?
Eh, vibes. Usually when I'm writing and I feel like I'm near the end of a chapter, I just get a feeling. Like "aw yeah, this is the moment". Once in a great while there is a pre-planned cut off point, a scene I know I want to end a chapter on, but that's an infrequent thing.
39. Share a snippet from a WIP.
You really just want all my secrets, huh?
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42. What's the last fic you red? Do you recommend it?
Oh man, looking at my history and everything I've read recently has just been updates from fics I already subscribe to. I haven't had a lot of time to try and read something new... Looks like the last thing new thing I read was a one-shot of 2003 Leo called Oh Shoot by halogalopaghost. And yes, I do recommend it! A very good study in 03 Leo being a fucking dumbass. :)
43. Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?
Do you even know me!? I delight in whump and suffering! I have a Bad Things Bingo Card for a reason! My turtlesona is Goretello! Mad scientists, unethical experimentation, body horror, and non-consensual body modifications are my bread and butter! I am an unashamed edgelord gorehound horror lover!
60. Have you had a writer you admire comment on your fic? What was that like?
It was like: "ajkdhsfjald omfg this really cool, very talented, very awesome person liked what i wrote omg??" because I am a child. For real though, it's always really flattering to see someone whose talent you admire respond to something you've created! It feels good and it makes you like your thing just a little bit more, I feel.
65. Tell us about what you're most looking forward to writing - in your current project, or a future project.
There's stuff in "Adagio in Green" that I am really looking forward to! Things ramp up rather quickly and I'm very excited to get to the stuff I have planned! Not gonna lie, it gets a little bit...how do I put this...well, I think I've mentioned already that I plan on giving these Rise boys the Farmhouse Arc they were robbed of in the show. That's not the only thing the show's cancellation robbed them of and I'm wedging so much of that shit into Adagio it's almost stupid.
Okay last one...
75. What scene in [Fanfic Name] took you longest to write? What was difficult about it?
Uh well, buddy, you didn't provide me a fic sooooooo guess we're going with "Adagio in Green".
It wasn't just a scene but the entirety of Chapter 6, the chapter that's going up next week, gave me A LOT of trouble. I deviated from my outline (and I'm still deviating from it because of chapter six) and it threw everything out of whack. I couldn't figure out how to get things going. It either felt too rushed or too stagnated.
I feel better about it now that it's actually finished, but I'm still nervous about it.
Actually, I get nervous about every update I post,,,
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lavenoon · 2 years ago
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Specialty as a fanfic writer, let's go!
(Here I am taking that post very literally, so I'm gonna choose a specialty that is relevant specifically to it being fanfic, because I think it's an interesting way to think about it instead of just general writing, and I hope to explain myself well kfdjhgskñjgh)
I am assigning you "never forgets the fun! "
(And here I'll say, I really need to learn from your example on this one fjkhgkjsh)
Because Luce, literally following what you come up with is so much fun!
And that's what fanfic is! Fun! A hobby! Something that can be frustrating at times, but also is supposed to make us happy! And I just love that about what you make, because it's so clear how much you enjoy it. And just for the sake of clarity, you are an awesome writer! These are not mutually exclusive, of course, and in fact I think these aspects work so well together for what you do! You have so much fun creating your story, you know your characters so well, that placing them in a dozen variations of the same premise is absolutely no problem and I would (and have) read each and every one of them! You care so much about the connections between characters and the themes you explore and you have a blast while doing it too! And I have a blast witnessing it!
When someone makes an offhand comment and you suddenly go "Oh?", I just can perceive the little lightbulb turning on above your head and I just know we are in for a treat! Because what you make is just so genuine and heartfelt that the enthusiasm is just contagious! All the things you explore, be it by drabbles, or multi-chapter arcs, or your comics (comics are literature too and no one can change my mind on that XD), and the way you just opened a gate for other people to have fun with your AU too, it's just all so wonderful! The possibilities are endless and they're all there waiting for you to choose which ones inspire you the most!
What you make just represents the spirit of fanfic so terrifically and I am all for it, all day every day!
(and... if I'm being a little sappy for a moment here, I've always been just a bit too selfconscious about truly indulging and having fun so freely and trying stuff like this at all and I have some trouble coming out of my shell sometimes, so following along with AU and all the discord shenanigans has just made me feel the tiniest bit better about joining in on the fun, so you get a very heartfelt thank you from me for that <3)
I was gonna say the post said "on anon" but yknow, if you had sent this in on anon that would not have been anonymous anyway GFHDJS <3 That being said...
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I'm blaming the fact that it's early but I really am just a little weepy and it took me like three times of reading to finally formulate some thoughts but most of them are just blubbering and or happy keysmash
Wanted to say that I just can't not explore things - but I realize I could. But where would be the fun in that? Fun has me in a chokehold and I'm never even considering not to indulge!
It makes things hard to follow and I'm self-conscious about that at times, which may make the weepiness partly out of relief/ reassurance. Always happy to hear that it's fun to follow along wherever my adhd brain takes me, and it is fun to explore - I love doing it!
I write fanfic for my fanfic, and apart from those bouts of "oh god no one's gonna be able to follow this mess of an AU" I'm so so happy to do it! There are so many different ways things could have gone, and I'm a huge sucker for the "soulmates in the 'in every universe, I'd choose you' way" trope - they choose each other, again and again and no matter how they meet, it turns out okay! Even the (discord exclusive (so far) because I wasn't confident enough to post Glamrock stuff before) version of AU where Robin works for Abra Fez with the Glamrocks - they still get to have fun with their boys! There's a happy ending! (and lots of shenanigans on the way gfhdsj)
The dynamics change and that's a lot of fun, and yeah I really just. Have to agree with your judgement - except I think fun would never let me dare forget it gfhdjsk
I love seeing what other people come up with - fanart and fanfic and the agentsona shenanigans, I always intended for this AU to be a sandbox to play in! I do it at any given moment, and it's so much more fun with other people enjoying themselves too! It can be silly, it can rely on so much suspension of disbelief, as long as it is fun! That is the most important part, and I'm glad to deliver!
(Also very glad to coax you out of your shell - it can be scary to be self indulgent when you feel so observed! Cringe culture is dead but its effect lingers! But I'm always gonna be very vocal about my support for self-indulgence because it is so much fun, that's even more dynamics to explore! It's nice, it's fun, and hurts no one - so I wish you heaps of self-indulgence in your future <3)
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magicalink · 2 years ago
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Hi! I have a question: I've been reading your works —which are awesome by the way— and seen that, in some cases, you've put pictures of Lumine to "represent" the reader (or Y/N). And I wanted to ask: these Lumine pictures should be thought to think of ourselves as her, or no? Thank you! —☆ Anon
Hii! It makes me so happy that you like my writings! 💕 About your question, I use any picture that represents for me the mood of the story, but I tend to choose pics of Lumine and sometimes Aether mostly bc since they are supposed to represent us as the Traveler in the game, they have become kind of a self insert to some extent for some of us, even if we are nothing like them physically. The pics are just to set the mood and you can imagine reader to be however you like. Honestly I don't even imagine the reader as myself most times, I even imagine the protagonists of different AU's differently.
I try to mantain the reader a bit blank by not describing hair, skin, eye color,etc but since self indulgent some things are fixed like female, shorter than Scara, having hair, having all bodyparts, being able to see and hear, etc. But when you read you can feel free to imagine the details to your own taste, I've liked to do that since I was a child when reading books or fanfiction 💕 And if you can't do it with your imagination, there are some google extensions (I dont remember the name right now) that you can use to replace certain words for others in your browser when you read.
I designed some outfits for the main character of "Y/N's marvelous adventure in Teyvat"! Soon I will upload them so you know what clothes reader is using for each nation. I also have a doodle of how I imagine reader for thst story: has some similarities with me but I wanted to make her different. Also if you want drawings of reader with specific body characteristics I was planning to draw them by request if someone is interested. I only draw traditionally, I don't draw digitally but I could also make images of reader generated by AI to stop using other people's real drawings, since many people don't allow repost even if it's with credit. I only post art of real people with credit and if they don't specify in their bios that they don't want reposts even if it's with credit. This makes me sad because sometimes I wanna share with you the fanart that inspired a certain fanfic but I can't because I don't wanna disrespect the artist's will. So to fix this I've been learning to create AI generated images of the Genshin Characters made with official art from the game, and as you may know Hoyoverse has the policy thet Genshin characters are free to use even commercially by fans.
So soon I'll add images of our naughty catboys to the fics 👀
Have fun while reading and imagine the protagonist however you like, similar or different from you, it's your choice!💕
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jaggededges123 · 1 year ago
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How do you choose whose POV to write in?
What’s your most self-indulgent wip?
What’s your favorite writing compliment you’ve gotten?
How do you choose whose POV to write in?
it is rarely a conscious choice lol most often my brain spins up a line to start with and i'm like "k" and i just go with that. but, with longer fics i end up thinking about it a bit more, and i'll take care to arrange the alternating povs or to choose just one that i can use for the specific things that i want out of the fic (when i want realizations to happen, if i want to conceal a character's motivations or make them more opaque, sometimes just if i think it's more important to see a specific character's inner mechanisms more than the others).
What’s your most self-indulgent wip?
rn like all of them lol, i am fully just rolling with my id until i get out of the throes of new fandom feelings. as for the most, though, probably my roleswap au. i am really just. dumping everything i got into making that one make me as happy as possible
What’s your favorite writing compliment you’ve gotten?
it's too hard to pick a favorite, people have been so kind to me in the past and continue to be so kind to me to this day 🥺😭💖 but i will try to pick just a few that have stuck with me for a long while lol.
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emotionalwizard · 1 year ago
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...Gonna do it for one of my home-crafted blorbos. Self-indulgence below the cut.
I choose Billy Bob AKA "Hawk Stormeye but PLEASE don't call me that. I don't know what my parents were thinking," modern day marksman, trickshooter, show-off, ten-gallon hat cowboy twink.
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(Sketch by my lovely boyfriend <3)
1. Massively! I tend to latch onto an idea and seek out a variety of media influences. Billy Bob was cultured from Belbo from the Hobo Hobo Funni Show, Clover from way back when Undertale Yellow was just a demo in 2016 (and a mod for Rivals of Aether), the Hermit mod from Slay the Spire, James Anderson AKA Marshall from the game Outlaws, and the protagonist of the Doom mod High Noon Drifter.
2. Billy Bob's typical genres are action, comedy, and horror oriented. In those, obviously, he excels. In settings where action isn't really a major factor, he'd be a sterling romantic.
3. Politicking. He has quite literally brought his Colt 1911 Single-Action Army revolver and openly carried it into a diplomatic function. When arguments arose, he fired a warning shot. He's a bit low on patience when it comes to that sort of thing.
4. Billy Bob is fortunate enough to exist in the internet era. While he doesn't do a lot of media, he does appreciate a good comedy or cartoon. He'd probably find Adventure Time and such fascinating and own a Garfield mug.
5. As of right now, the main theme of Outlaws, A Teaspoon of Gunpowder from Undertale Yellow, I Tell Ya What! from Hobo Funni Show, Mr. Weebl's Honk, and, slightly less seriously The Frenzied Firearm, G U N (Paper Maper: The Origami Korigami Cover), etc. Highly emotional individual, usually pretty over-the-top chipper. Can and will take a life.
6. N/A
7. Technically speaking, as a second-generation Welsh immigrant, you could claim he was always cosplaying the Man With No Name at all times. He'd probably make a decent Link, though.
8. Yes. It took him a while to realize the full immensities of his love of cowboys.
9. Fix-fic. So much.
10. Last game I played was Dusk, so he'd be right at home.
I actually like to roleplay as him in various games. Most notably, Doom's Hideous Destructor Mod (pair of revolvers and either the double-barrel or the bolt-action rifle and you're good) and Teardown (shotgun, what looks like a revolver, and a hunting rifle, all mapped to the 3 key).
11. I have an entire AU version of him for my boyfriend's magical girl setting. In that setting, his "magical girl transformation" turns him into a lightning-themed cowboy with a six-shooter. Bullets that carry an electric charge, fired from a hard-light six shooter with enough force to blow through an inch of steel sheet and not stop and enough charge to leave any survivors stunned. It's also a whip because that's his signature non-gun weapon and that kind of this is pretty normal for the setting. He's also just straight up fast.
12. N/A, not familiar with it.
13. Mudsdale, Tauros, Herdier. Probably also wants a Rapidash.
14. There's a few options, off the top of my head. Fighter gives him the best ability to fan the hammer, artificer matches up with some of his hobbies, which include smithing and shoeing, and ranger has a homebrew option from Pointy Hat specifically for cowboys.
He'd probably want to play a ranger or rogue. Something dex-based. High Charisma.
Or bard. And he'd sing at the table.
15. Depends on what you mean by "standard slasher movie." He's not exactly the type of character to get "final girl" status, so if the main metric of survival is authorial bias and I'm not writing it, he'd probably get screwed by the author for being bisexual, promiscuous, and trigger-happy.
If "standard slasher movie" just means "He's been chucked into Dead By Daylight, but the Entity forgot to frisk him for weapons," then he's going big game hunting.
Michael Myers was temporarily knocked out from a full cylinder dump from a S&W Model 15 .38 Special, followed by a fall from the second floor, and that was scattered shots across his upper torso. Sure, he's tough, but a bear can generally survive the same encounter just fine. No bear is surviving 5 consecutive headshots from a Winchester .308.
16. Drop-in uncle for the younger characters. Token white guy.
17. Banjo & Kazooie and the Duck Hunt Duo. He may also like Zero Suit Samus.
18. Strikes me as a Donkey Kong main.
19. Horrifyingly hard to kill red shirt.
20. Charmer and hitter.
21. He's absolutely the type of revenant that crawls out of Hell after holding up the Devil... and immediately goes back to living it up on Earth.
22. Firebender, if he has to be a bender. He strikes me as the type who wouldn't HAVE bending, but would make up for it in other ways.
23. Step one is to make sure his guns can still be maintained and utilized somehow. If magic exists that renders ammo a non-issue, he's going to over the moon to be the first known Gun Wizard. After that, he'll likely go looking for ways to return home while making sure not to hand out his name. "That's how the aos si getcha, 'ccordin' to mah pa!"
Probably not all that noticeable in the grand scheme of things. Just another adventurer with a somewhat unusual weapon.
24. Trick question! If played by a human actor, we're getting a full Tim Curry "I Am Also a Muppet" experience or they don't get the role. Otherwise, VERY Muppet.
25. It's a bullseye. A gun might send the wrong message, and it would be vetoed by the censors.
26. If he's singing in a musical and it isn't something written by Johnny Cash, then something it probably wrong. That said, whatever it is, he's EXTREMELY into it.
27. God, it's hard to choose, but I'll have to say he's the red herring. "The Best Gunslinger This Side of the Mississippi" with a known hair-trigger temper and open-carry license in the same building as someone with gunshot wounds? Seems too likely to be false.
28. Lemme fetch a generator... "Blazeheart," I guess? Definitely the type of cat to mooch off humans and scare gators off your porch.
29. Well, normally, he'd crack a joke and say that he'd be a human in any universe, and a beast-tamer all the same, wink wink nudge nudge, but if he HAS to give a real answer in the next five seconds or lose his brain privileges, he's a squirrel.
Pop Culture and Fandom-Themed OC Questions
I came up with some pop culture-y OC questions because I like silly OC games. Some of these are more general, while others are for a specific genre or piece of media. Go ahead and reblog to use for your own OCs!
Was your OC influenced or inspired by any particular fictional character(s) when you made them?
What genre (not counting the one they’re in) would your OC thrive in?
What genre would your OC do badly in but it would be hilarious or interesting to watch?
What media does your character enjoy? (For characters in settings that aren’t modern Earth, could be media from their home setting or what they’d like in a modern Earth AU)
What song(s) do you associate with your OC?
Alternatively, do you have any OCs you associate with the song(s) I just sent you?
If your OC had to cosplay as a fictional character, who would they choose?
Has your OC ever had a crush on a fictional (to them) character?
If your OC wrote fanfiction (or if they already do), what type? (fix fic, ship, crossovers, AUs, smut, etc.)
How would your OC do in the last book/movie/tv show/game/etc. you read/watched/played?
If your OC was a superhero, what would they be like? (powers, title, general vibe, etc.)
What animal would your OC have as their His Dark Materials daemon?
What Pokémon would be on your OC’s team and/or what would be their preferred type?
If your OC was a Dungeons and Dragons character, what would their class be? And/or: If they were playing D&D, what kind of character might they play? (these aren’t necessarily the same thing)
How well would your OC do in a standard slasher movie?
What stock character would your OC be stuck as in a sitcom?
Who would your OC main in Super Smash Bros?
Who would your OC play in Mario Kart?
If your OC was in Star Trek’s Starfleet, what would be their role/position? Or, if that doesn’t really fit your OC: why would they get kicked out of Starfleet?
What role would your OC play in a heist story?
What kind of classic horror monster (vampire, werewolf, alien, etc.) would your OC be?
What type of Avatar The Last Airbender-type bender (or non-bender) would your OC be? Any bending specialties?
Your OC gets isekai’d to a bog-standard fantasy world. What does your OC do and how badly does it go for that world?
In the Muppet version of your story, is this particular OC a Muppet or the one human?
What would be your OC’s My Little Pony cutie mark?
Your OC is stuck in a musical episode. What song(s) do they sing? (And how thrilled or annoyed are they about being stuck in a musical?)
In a murder mystery, what role would your OC play? (e.g. detective, sidekick, wacky suspect, rival investigator who gets in thew way, red herring, true culprit)
What is your OC’s Warrior Cats name?
Gun to their head, what is your OC’s fursona?
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ten-cent-sleuth · 1 year ago
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1 for questions for fic writers!
What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who has never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)
Ooh, this is a tough one. Of all the questions, you sent this one! 😂 (I kid, of course; I am happy to see you in my inbox again, thank you for the ask!!)
I want to say Committed to the Cause because it is my pride and joy, it is for my #1 “I keep returning to this fandom please help me” ship, and it is a shining example of what and how I like to write. One tiiiny problem: it is not published yet, so you can’t actually read it. Alternatively, Of Graves, Of Worms, and Epitaphs is another WIP I have poured my heart and soul into; it shares CttC’s exemplariness of my style/taste but shows a different side because CttC is a total AU for Philinda (from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.) while G/W/E is a S8 fix-it for GSR (from CSI; I wanted to include it for you, Mouse <3) (…sorry if you don’t ship GSR hwjfhdsjg). One tiiiny problem—can you guess what it is? xD
Not a Servant’s Dream is another AU but Addams Family meets Jane Eyre. It’s a good starting point because it’s fun, wholesome, and not too niche for the general fandom public but still makes clear my whumpy inclinations and my writing idiosyncrasies. However, it is also, uh…not published ksfhrjshgsj.
I would say my Mediatorverse is a practical introduction to my fics because the reader a) can choose from multiple fandoms to start with and b) will immediately see how self-indulgent my writing gets and how feral I am about my comfort characters, so if that ain’t their thing, they can dip early on. But of course: it is not published. :))
Basically, I tend to keep my projects close to my chest until they’re absolutely ready for the world. 😅
However, that would make for a rather unfruitful answer, so I present to you:
Never Lack, a SkippyPants one-shot, with a sequel in the works but uhh don’t hold your breath;
Nature’s Impossibilities, an MSR one-shot that I wrote for @/xfilesfanficexchange; and
Inextricably, a Lizzington one-shot, though this may be a controversial ship, w e l p.
All of these well demonstrate my wheelhouse, I’d say. Inextricably is likely the best demonstration of it, but it’s also likely the most Sus due to Lizzington lol and to some mature themes (it’s arguably the darkest of my AO3 fics, though not at all from everything I’ve written, including CttC and G/W/E). Nature’s Impossibilities shows what I can do when prompted (ily hyper-specific prompts, ily fic exchanges, ily fandom events), while Never Lack shows what I can do when completely unprompted (à la “the fic nobody asked for”). They’re both sorta conversation-heavy character study (not exactly meta character study, more like “Character B gets to ‘study’ Character A” kinda) type fics, so they’re on pretty equal footing as entries into my wheelhouse.
And I’d like to add A Galling Yoke merely for the virtue of being a multichap. It’s not quite finished yet but it’s the closest I’ve ever gotten (other than with one-shots). It’s got whump, it’s got angst, it’s got casefic, it’s got plot/world weaving (just a term I use in my head for a part of my process, idrk how to explain it though rip), it’s got lovey-dovey stuff, so lots of my trademarks. However, since it doesn’t have as many of the “magnifying glass” hijinks as I like to get into with my fic writing, I’d hesitate to call it the best introduction to Me.
Gracious, this was a long, low-key incomprehensible answer. Very sorry! In short: for a launchpad into my brand of fanfiction, I would recommend my fic Inextricably if you can stomach it, and if not, two fics would work, either Nature’s Impossibilities (this option for more weightiness/poetry/whatever) or Never Lack (this option for more random blorbo mania).
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miss-kittyy · 4 years ago
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Rewriting Briarlight and Longtail’s Deaths
So I am disabled, like very disabled, I am %50 of the teenagers ever diagnosed with my special combination of pain disorders, and I also unfortunately hyper fixated on warrior cats, which is bad news for me because warrior cats is super ableist, and to add insult to injury, the fandom can also be pretty ableist.
My biggest problem with the majority of “anti-ableist” AUs is that they “fix” the ableism stemming from the narrative and able bodied characters by making the disabled character less disabled, this so bad for many reasons. I’ve talked more about in other posts. The justification that real life disabled cats are less doesn’t make it not ableist, since when was warrior cats meant to be realistic? If you’re making an au where the disabled cats function like actual disabled cats you also have to make all the cats genetically accurate, and retcon Lionblaze lifting a tree.
My problem with warrior cats is not that the disabled characters cannot become full conventional warriors, I’d like it if they got to choose what duties the perform instead of being crammed into the medicine den, but I don’t care about Cinderpelt not being able to complete a marathon. Most of the fandom seems to think the issue is that the disabled character are not useful enough, instead of the way that able bodied characters deny of them agency and make remarks like “you wouldn’t want to return to a life like her’s would you?”. Disabled people do not need to be “useful” to be worthy and empowering.
It’s very obvious that most of the fandom just wants the disabled cats to be more palatable to abled bodied people, so I’ve decided to make my own rewrite instead to hopefully make myself feel better. A lot of these things are inspired by my own experiences and not every disabled person is looking for the same things in representation, this is totally self indulgent.
The goal of this AU is to highlight the many unique and valuable aspects disability and how being disabled does not infringe upon anyone’s worth, ever.
- Longtail doesn’t die in the storm, Briarpaw is still injured, but he’s found besides her, trying his best to help her cling to life.
- after Briarpaw begins to recover he stands up to Millie and other cats insulting her quality of life, he says her journey will be hard, but it is one worth taking.
- She asks him why he’s an elder, and he decides to request to have his warrior ship restored as Briarpaw is dreading the life of an elder.
- On his first patrol the cats accompanying him insist on speaking to him in an incredibly infantilism tone, and whispering amongst themselves over what he can or can’t do, without consulting him,
- He initially gives up on patrolling after that insufferable experience.
- Briarlight begins to create marks and blobs on the wall of the medicine den using crushed up dead herbs she asks him to retrieve some berries for her, and he complies.
- Jayfeather shows him how he navigates the territory with the help of some of the sighted cats, and Mousefur is quick to volunteer as his guide. He finds her company surprisingly empowering. He realizes that it was not his blindness which was limiting his abilities, but the other cats attitudes.
- Mousefur and Longtail return with mouthful of berries and herbs, Briarlight describes to him what she’s drawing on the side of the den and he helps he mound the materials into paint.
- The cats begin to pop into the medicine den to see Briarlights painting and soon Jayfeather has to kick her out occasionally so they’d stop crowding him, she’s given the walls of camp to decorate instead.
- She begins to illustrate Longtails stories of the old territory and Bloodclan, and this new form of storytelling becomes a tradition amongst Thunderclan.
- because more young cats are aware of the clans history it becomes harder for the dark forest to recruit them, unfortunately, Blossomfall’s resentment towards her sister means she never cared to listen.
- Ivypool is still recruited and trained like in canon, given her relationship with the dark forest was much more emotionally charged and manipulative than just plain lies.
- at a gathering Longtail meets Grasspelt who inquires about Briarlight, Longtail is surprised about how little he knows as the she-cat had mentioned how well they got along as apprentices. Despite Millie nagging him not to tell him the truth about her daughter he does anyways, but puts much more emphasis on how well she’s doing than Millie expected. Grasspelt thinks this sounds really cool and decides that he is going to see her and her paintings, and that nobody can stop him. Longtail makes sure to put any opposing cat in their place, but Briarlight is a very respected Clanmate, so most warriors don’t say anything.
- Briarlight is nervous and doesn’t want to come out of the medicine den at first, but when Grassheart darts into the den holding berries and flowers for her to paint with she quickly warms up to her visitor.
- Grassheart is happy to tell Briarlight that he’s never been able to be a “functioning” warrior, and that he has always imagined that his spirit is shaped different, the medicine cat says his body is normal, but he’s never been able to keep focus in a fight or react as quickly as he should be able to while hunting. (He’s autistic because I say so)
- As dusk nears he’s visually hesitant to return to Riverclan and when Longtail inquires on why he says that he hasn’t felt so “here” for a long time. On the way back he wanders off and comes back with a chipmunk, when returning to Riverclan territory his father, Mintfur, is shocked to see his catch. After talking with his family a bit he realizes that it was the noise from the river that was making him so tense and dissociated, Brackenfur, who was escorting him, notices that he keeps rubbing himself on the ground and wincing.
- For the next couple moons Grasspelt returned to Thunderclan to bring Briarlight plants that only grow in Riverclan territory, he begins trying to fish from the quite lazy stream in their territory and soon both him and Briarlight have got it down.
- Longtail notices the sadness present whenever Grasspelt left and exclaims that it’s rather stupid that he’s living somewhere so unsuited for him just because of words long repeated.
- Grasspelt confesses that he feels the same, but knew he wasn’t supposed to say anything. Briarlight tells Longtail that her and the Riverclan warrior had been thinking of each other as mates for moons.
- Longtail accompanies Jayfeather to the next half moon meeting where he proposes his addition to the warrior code, “no cat should be confined to laws which harm them due to an inherent physical or spiritual difference.” (Cats don’t really know how brains work, so they see mental disabilities as a difference within a cats spirit)
- A moon later the leaders meet to discuss this proposition, it is accepted and Grasspelt makes the journey to Thunderclan for the final time.
- Grasspelt is renamed Grassspirit when becoming a Thunderclan warrior, unlike prior renaming of disabled cats this is a celebration.
- Grassspirit spends most of his time taking care of the elders and kits, he’s incredibly compassionate especially with kits and is able to solve many problems within the nursery.
- When twigkit and Violetkit arrive in Thunderclan Briarlight and Grassspirit help raise them, after Violetkit is taken Briarlight and Twigkit paint her on the side of Thunderclan camp.
- Briarlight still gets sick and her illness progresses without any treatment, Grassspirit notices her trying to hide it and when Longtail finds out he’s very upset. Jayfeather frantically treats her, expressing his frustration that she didn’t tell them sooner, the second Millie steps out she breaks down and explains that she just wanted to deal with it herself, and perhaps if she were successful Millie would finally treat her like an adult.
- Longtail gives Millie a stern talking to, he tells her that Briarlight is a warrior of Thunderclan and as her clanmate she should show her some respect.
- Millie is inherently very reactionary, as she had not realized the full extent of her suffocation, but eventually after a couple moons her and Briarlight begin to rekindle their relationship, like adults.
- Blossomfall sees how Brairlight wasn’t basking in their mother’s attention like she imagined, and feels the urge to seek out an actual sisterhood after ignoring Briarlight for moons and moons.
- Briarlight isn’t really mad at her sister, and understands why she felt the way she did. Jayfeather suggests that Blossomfall help Briarlight with her painting, Blossomfall seems put off with the suggestion of being her sister’s assistant.
- The interactions that follow are less than ideal, Blossomfall commends Briarlight’s able friends (Thornclaw, Poppyfrost, Alderheart, etc) for being so nice to her, as if that’s not what friends do. She seems very sad the entire time, sighing when her sister dragged her legs around with her mouth to sit more comfortably, even though she was completely fine. When watching her paint she comments that it’s good she has “something to keep her busy”, and finally she expresses her view, of Briarlight’s injury and her (Blossomfall’s) suffering being all worth it because of her talents, as if her life was not worth living to begin with.
- Briarlight tells her that if that’s truly what she wants she’s going to have to put more effort into understanding and respecting her way of life, and that she won’t apologize for their mother’s actions.
- When Blossomfall has her kits they take a liking to Auntie Briarlight, and Blossomfall seems to have reflected on their past interactions, trusting her sister to watch her kits. Briarlight teases a bit, a subtle way of telling her not to rush things, but they do begin to feel like something close to sisters.
- Right before Briarlight’s Nieces and Nephews are made warriors Longtail dies of Greencough. Throughout the entirety of his sickness he kept his sense of humour, his mean streak, and his immense love for what he had made of his clan.
- At his vigil Grassspirit began whaling like a bird in new-leaf, he insists that the vigil is too sad, and that Longtail wouldn’t want everyone moping around, for Starclan’s sake, his life was good. Standing amongst them, Longtail’s spirit can feel every cat in Thunderclan standing around him, singing the song of a life well lived.
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byakuyasdarling · 2 years ago
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I’ve recently been thinking about an AU where S/I actually does die during Chapter 3, instead of just “appearing dead” and unconscious at first as she is in her canon.
It’s hard to measure how Byakuya would react. I mean, that whole “I almost lost you” moment is his realisation that he did love her, and how integral she has been to his life for so many years… but for that realisation only to be had once it’s too late, once she’s died? Kinda hard.
I think, he may at first just go into blatant denial. Like: “She wasn’t important. She was in the way.” etc. But he feels something else, but refuses to acknowledge he’s lost in any way. And, the further he repressed her in his mind, the stronger he feels her presence (or lack there of) every now and again. I would imagine this manifests as reoccurring dreams, where she’s over his shoulder, out of sight, and she just repeatedly tells him that she loves him — nothing else. It’s rather haunting to him.
His normal character development would still occur, but he does maintain that lack of care for people individually. In D//R3 he calls the survivors his friends, that wouldn’t happen in this AU; he wouldn’t have any degree of care for anyone. He would become even more intolerant of To//ko, to the point of being infuriated.
Since Kom//aru can see ghosts, I do think she initially had a small dose of it when meeting Byakuya for the first time back in UD//G. Just: “Wasn’t there a girl behind you just a second ago?”. To which he’d simply be puzzled, and brush off. Kom//aru will only put together who she was when seeing the ghosts as per canon, and telling To//ko it happened once before when she saw Byakuya. To//ko will begrudgingly tell Kom//aru who the ghost was when she provides a description — feeling a little bad for S/I (because character development).
Eventually, when rescuing him, Kom//aru tells him who is behind him. Though he meets her abilities with a great deal of skepticism, he chooses to indulge her, and perhaps himself. He rests his own hand atop his shoulder, searching — maybe a little too desperately, maybe making it too obvious he has weaknesses too. But when he thinks he felt something, he looks back at Kom//aru, who is now giggling.
“She looks really happy you’ve finally noticed her.” …
“Sure… She is…” …
“I’ve only seen her twice now, but she’s always been trying to care for you, to finger comb your hair, things like that. She’s disappointed she can’t do that.” …
“I made her wait too long…” … “Can you speak with her?” …
“Well, I can try… She can understand you, I’ll just repeat what she says back.” …
“I’ll indulge your “powers”, however, if word gets around about this — it’s your head.” …
“Cool it! Cool it! I promise.” …
“Tch. I can’t even believe this…” … “Ask her to say something first.” …
“Umm… alright.” … “She’s laughing, she said: “don’t mind him, my ‘Kuya has always been a little irritable. He’s lucky he’s cute.” Haha.” …
“… I miss you.” …
“… I’m sorry this seems… so personal. She says she wants you to play piano again, she’s sad you quit.” …
“I couldn’t play again. Not after she… left.” …
“She says she never left. She always will be here. She wants you to be happy — anything. Even without her, she wants you to enjoy life.” …
“That sounds like the platitudes she always said…” ��
“She wants you to play her favourite song again.” …
And then, Byakuya breaks into his regular self, tired of vulnerability, with a plebeian no less. She could have made it all up, just to make a fool of someone “superior”.
“Enough of your games, this is tiresome. I’ve indulged you enough… Let’s leave — I expect silence.” …
“Wait!—“ …
“Quit it.” …
Though his family is gone, his manor is in tact. He considers what he’s been told — there’s no harm in trying to play piano, right? Nothing to it. Nothing important… He swore he felt her, he swore he felt her pitchy singing — something he adored despite it being technically flawed.
“I love you. I really do.” …
He then just sits there. Alone. Silence. In the shadows of a few bookcases.
He never truly reconciles with those events. Though, his haunting dreams of her stop. Sometimes it’s just like the times before she died, sometimes it’s just repeats of him alone, sitting in silence in front of his piano. He himself dies a few years later during a mission. An act of carelessness and lack of focus that loosing S/I had brought to him. At least the lovers can live happily now in another life.
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fonulyn · 2 years ago
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3 fic questions:
1: Which fic took you the longest to write?
2: Which fic did you have the most fun writing?
3: Which fic was the "fine! I'll do it myself!" fic?
ohhhh these are so hard :'D but let's try!
...and I'm gonna apologize in advance because two and three are gonna have so many answers, but I've literally written over 200 RE fics so it's impossible for me to choose 😅 i'm sorry and bear with me.
only the courage to continue counts (Piers/Leon, re4 au, past!Krauser/Leon)
this one was easy lol. it took me a long long time mostly because it's 93k, which is like three times as long as my next longest fic. simply getting out that many words took a while! also, I almost gave up after chapter 4 because literally no one was reading it and I wondered if it's worth it to keep going. had a good cry about it, lol, and angsted about it for a bit. but re4 is my favorite (surprise!) so I decided it'd be worth it. and honestly? I think it was. it's a good fic. I'm happy with how it turned out. ...but i don't think i have another this long fic in me tbh, i just can't do it alone.
2. this is trickier because there's so many :'D first, the entire pinnacle of self-indulgence series because it's what I return to when I want something low-stress, no expectations, where I can just have them be as domestic as I want. it hasn't always been tons of fun, because sometimes i use it to vent other feels, but it means a lot to me.
smooth talking, Nivans, very smooth was also tons of fun, making Piers put his foot in his mouth repeatedly just because of how into Leon he is? :'D it still makes me grin lol.
also the other maybe-a-little-cracky-ones; maybe he's born with it (the is Leon a true blond??? fic), the prettiest agent with the prettiest hair (the Piers stress-braids Leon's hair fic), and how to accidentally get adopted - a guide by Piers Nivans (Piers accidentally keeps calling Chris "dad" and gets sorta adopted by him and Leon) - idk i guess I really enjoy writing stuff that's not exactly very serious :'D
i also had a shitton of fun writing three words to last forever, even if two of its three endings have major character death in them lol. but i've always wanted to do a choose-your-own-ending fic! so it was super fun! if i had the energy i would love to do another where you get to choose different paths, but they all lead to the same ending eventually.
others I had tons of fun writing include winter lovin' (there's snow one like you) where Piers and Leon vacation in Finland (yay!), you're feeding the fire within me where they get a dose of Rebecca's new Super-Viagra (a sex-pollen fic lol), driving deep into your heart which is a completely random au where Piers is a motorcycle racer :'D, carpe diem (seize the day) which is a smutty genderswap fic, and fall in love so easy where Leon learns he enjoys being called pet-names.
i'm just gonna stop now because otherwise I'm gonna end up listing twenty more. but honestly, like I said before, I've written 200+ RE fics so :'D this is hard lmao. I genuinely like most fics I've written. and I genuinely enjoyed writing most of them. I'm sorry this is such a non-answer :'D
3. this also has the potential to become a mess like question number two lmao. the vast majority of what I write is "fine! I'll do it myself!" fics. like, almost every single Piers/Leon fic I've written belongs in this category since, well, if I don't no one will :'D also a lot of my Krauser/Leon are things I wanted but didn't find (although I gotta give a shoutout to the pair in general, there are a lot of quality metaltango fics out there that I could never do).
aside from that, after scrolling through my fics, I realized most of the fics I wrote after not finding what I wanted to read are ...porn :'D lmao I often go look for something specific, don't find it, and have no choice but to do it myself!
as examples, I am the light that shall lead you to darkness (Wesker/Chris dubcon, I just wanted Chris to get nailed lmao), without hope, without fear (Jason/Leon monsterfucking, and I gotta say, I'm still bummed the pairing didn't take off at all it's got all kinds of potential goddamnit [also I keep wanting to write another of these two but ehhh] but i won't rant more here), on an all time high (Leon/Queen Plaga, I just... had a major need :'D), lost control (Leon/Lickers, what can I say, I had a major need lmaooo), kiss before the fall (Jake/Piers, this pairing deserves so much more love ok), ravishing (Chris/Jill, I just wanted Jill worshipped ok, and there's another similar one rattling in my brain but I haven't gotten to writing it, idk if i ever will).
so like. smut :'D apparently I have specific likes and have to cater to myself lmao.
OKAY BUT now I'll shut up for real. thank you for the ask! gave me a perfect excuse to reread my own fics lol. and I'm sorry for such non-answers :'D I just can't choose lol.
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just-come-baek · 4 years ago
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bet on it
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Pairing: Na Jaemin x female!reader
Themes: smut | fluff | kidna cracky | light angst | fake dating!au | college!au | idiots to lovers!au | love letters
Word count: 21.2k 
Summary: One day, Jaemin stops by with a strange request. Any other person would just laugh in his face and refuse in a second. Unfortunately, I, being the dumbass I am, agree to it. Soon enough, everything gets out of hand, causing much more drama than we could ever predict.
Or in other words, Jaemin shouldn’t bet on things he knows he can’t win.
Warnings: all characters share like 3 brain cells, and somehow they all belong to Ten??? | self-indulgent type 3 diabetes fluff | cursing | mutual pining | college duties negligence | scheming and plotting | double-crossing | hookup culture condoning | corny and cringy stuff | alcohol consumption | smoking | extreme winter sports | amateur matchmaking | professional wooing | manipulative behaviour | steamy smut | oral female!receiving | thigh riding | spanking | marking | overstimulation | protected sex | lots of teasing | made up warnings | I don’t remember more
A/N it’s an instalment for love letters event hosted by neosmutcollective, I hope you enjoy my jaemin entry as well as other entries written by my friends from the network, check out the event tags too, and yeah, happy valentine's day!  😏  💖
***
“What?” I yelled, almost spitting my tea. No, I must’ve heard him wrong. Jaemin wouldn’t be stupid enough to do that. It had to be a joke. Or I must’ve imagined him say that. “You don’t mean that,” I added, still in shock, trying to comprehend what just happened.
“Come on, Noona,” Jaemin whined, staring right into my eyes, wishing for me to say yes to his ridiculous proposal. “I wouldn’t suggest that if I knew we couldn’t pull through.”
With a sigh, I shook my head. Jaemin’s proposition was absurd, and I couldn’t believe I was about to ask him again to walk me through it.
Damn me and my curiosity.
“Before I make my mind about this… tell me what the fuck led you guys to make that stupid bet. Then, and only then, I will still say no, but in good faith,” I demanded, smiling at Jaemin, knowing I wouldn’t make it easy for him to convince me. The odds weren’t in his favor, and he really had to put in lots of effort if he really wanted me on board.
“So we were chilling after practice, and then Haechan started to tease me that I have no game anymore,” Jaemin started, and I rolled my eyes. Of course, I should’ve figured it out. A man in his age apparently is a failure unless he has a different girl in his bed at least 3 nights a week, moaning his name at the top of her voice. Even though Jaemin doesn’t have a competitive nature, it still provoked him into agreeing to this absurd bet.
Life must be though with an ego so fragile…
Jaemin isn’t a fuckboy, yet he still has a fair share of love conquests. Though I had no idea whether it was true or not, he must have fallen a little behind the others – otherwise, they wouldn’t tease him about it.
“And then I said his mother must’ve dropped him on the head if he really thinks that,” Jaemin carried on. I nodded my head, trying to wrap my head around this preposterous situation. “Then, I said I could seduce any girl I want,” he added proudly, making me want to flicker his forehead, hoping it would knock some sense into that empty skull at the top of his neck.
“Okay, but how the hell did you end up with having to seduce me? This is the part I have the most trouble understanding,” I pointed out, cocking my eyebrow.
“Then, Chenle suggested we bet on it, and I agreed to it,” Jaemin whispered, looking away, sounding both regretful and shy. “I urged them to pick any girl, so Haechan looked around to choose my next conquest. It was the time when you and Ten were walking to the dance studio, and that bastard suggested you.”
So it was Haechan’s doing – I should’ve figured this one out. He was the only one wicked enough to possibly ruin somebody’s friendship because of a stupid bet.
Or, it was quite genius of him – maybe he figured Jaemin would not cross this line, choosing our friendship over winning this imbecilic bet.
“And you were confident you can woo me? What about our friendship? Does it mean anything to you?” I inquired, curious of what was going inside his head when he agreed to this half-witted bet. Did he seriously think we could have sex and then forget all about it?
“It’s not like that! I don’t want to woo you. I mean… I could, and you would be very much aware if I tried to hit on you, and you would fall for me. No doubts on that,” Jaemin spoke confidently, grinning like an idiot with ego blown way out of proportion. “But–“
Jaemin was about to say something dense, so before more bullshit managed to leave his mouth, I hit him with a cutting board. Jaemin whined, but I was sure he was exaggerating for comedy purposes. My hit was calculated and balanced – it was powerful enough for him to understand it wasn’t a good idea, but at the same, it was not going to cause any permanent damage to his brain. I’d never purposefully do that to him.
“We’re not having sex. Get that shit inside your head,” I interjected, pouring my herbal tea down my throat, already thinking about making another cup. This conversation was making me uncomfortable, and I wanted to put an end to it. Perhaps another lemon balm tea would calm my nerves.
Ignoring his penetrating gaze, I shuffled around the kitchen, setting the kettle on the stove. In the meantime, Jaemin walked around the kitchen island and grabbed me by my shoulders, looking straight into my eyes.
“Come on, Noona, I am not asking you to sleep with me,” Jaemin defended his case, quite determined to pull me on his side.
“Well… it looks exactly like you’re asking me to sleep with you,” I cut in, walking around him to the cabinet to get a fresh tea bag. I’ve really had enough of this bullshit.
“We could just make it look like like we did,” he carried on, and I heaved a deep sigh, regretting even letting him in today. I had this extremely boring essay to write, and at this point, I’d rather begin my research on whatever topic my professor assigned.
“It’s still a no from me, sorry,” I replied harshly, crashing Jaemin’s expectations. Judging by the look on his face, it wasn’t the outcome he anticipated when he decided to knock on my doors. “What happens when you lose that bet? Well… except for your pride, of course.”
“500 dollars.”
“Ouch, sowwy, I hope you can afford that,” I added with a fake smile, patting him on the shoulder, being well aware this amount of money was a game-changer to Jaemin’s budget. If he won, he would have the time of his life, spoiling himself. However, if he lost, he’d have to eat instant ramen on every meal for the entire month. “Either way, I hope it will teach you a lesson to not bet on things you know you can’t win.”
“Ugh, fine,” Jaemin groaned in disappointment, reaching for my hands, holding them carefully as if they were made of china. “If you help me, I’ll give you half of the money,” he proposed, and I looked at our hands linked together, then quickly shifted my gaze to his eyes. “If you help me win, you’ll get 250 dollars, and you’ll be finally able to buy those fancy shoes you wanted so bad. What do you say?”
When did he get so persuasive?
It was a low blow.
Jaemin knew that these shoes were tempting me ever since I had seen them. Multiple times, my thumb hovered over the add-to-cart button. Every time, I resisted the temptation last minute upon seeing the price tag, though. This purchase was way out of my budget.  However, now, when the new income opportunity presented itself, it made me wonder.
Suddenly, the kettle began to whistle, bringing me down to Earth from that ridiculous train of thought. Shaking my head, I tore my hands out of Jaemin’s gentle grasp, fidgeting back to the stove, pouring boiling water into the cup.
“Okay, fine, but I have a few questions first,” I gave up after a short pause for intense pondering, and Jaemin smiled brightly in instant gratitude and relief. Without my help, he would be doomed. “And then, if I like the answers, I have a few conditions.”
“Anything.”
“Okay, so first of all, how much time do we have to do the deed,” I inquired as I blew some air before taking a cautious sip.
“About two weeks,” Jaemin mentioned after a while as he had counted on his fingers how many days we have to team up and win five hundred dollars for us. “Officially, we have to do it before Jaehyun’s birthday party,” he specified, and I hummed, realizing it is very little time.
“You seriously think I am that easy? Outrageous,” I gasped, throwing a fake tantrum as I made my way around him to sit down on the barstool on the other side of the kitchen island.
“No, of course not,” Jaemin quickly realized what I was getting on, so he smiled sheepishly, already trying to figure out the best wording to calm me down. “I am just that good,” he added, and I leaned over to smack his shoulder. “Kidding,” he defended himself, stepping out of my reach. “Renjun proposed this party, I mean, it’s the easiest way they can verify we did it,” Jaemin carried on, and I cursed under my breath.
How convenient.
“But we’re not going to do the fucking,” I stated, as a matter of fact, repeating myself in order to make sure we were both on the same page. As much as it would be pleasant to actually do it with him, never under these circumstances.
“No, we’re not, but I guess we can sneak out upstairs to one of the unoccupied rooms, and once we make sure they’re listening, you can just shout how good I’m fucking you,” Jaemin reasoned, and I sighed as regret once again washed through me.
“That’s creepy,” I commented as my mind conjured an image of a group of peeping Toms, eavesdropping on our sex session. Once again, I felt the temptation to drop out of this deal, but then, another thought crossed my mind. “Ugh, fine, I’ll do it. All I have to do is shout for two minutes, and then, these cute shoes will be mine.”
“Two minutes? Are you insane?” Jaemin hollered, offended by my comment. “It happened once, and it was ages ago. I’ve learned plenty of tricks since then,” he blabbered, acting way too defensive for his past mishap. “Just let me live in peace, please.”
“Okay, so we have established the deadline, and although it’s not enough time for anyone to woo me, let’s go with it.”
“Thank you! I knew I could count on you,” Jaemin replied with gleeful enthusiasm as he sat down on the barstool beside me and pressed a chaste kiss against my knuckles.
“But you have to go overboard with the courting,” I added, making Jaemin groan. Hard work wasn’t his best suit, but this time, he really had to try his best, or I’d have to turn him down at Jaehyun’s party. “You really have to make it believable and super romantic. Otherwise, I’m out,” I clarified, and Jaemin nodded, though unwillingly.
“Fine, any other wishes in mind?”
“Once we win the bet, we have to end this whole fake-dating fiasco immediately,” I announced, already planning ahead. It was easy to win the bet, but the most difficult part was getting back to normal. If we planned to fake-date in order to fake-fuck, then it was reasonable to figure out how we’re going to fake-break up.
“We should agree on admitting it was the best sex of our lives, but despite that, we value our friendship even more, so we decided to remain friends. How does it sound?” Jaemin suggested, and I had to once again resist the temptation to roll my eyes.
“I agree with the overall message, but later, we have to work on proper delivery.”
 ***
On the very next day, Jaemin and I decided to implement our secret plan.
Since I specifically asked to be courted in an over-the-top manner, Jaemin suggested going to the cinema. There were no attention-grabbing titles screened, yet ultimately, we agreed on watching the very last projection of the sequel to Wonder Woman.
“Go get the snacks, I’ll buy the tickets,” I ordered once we stepped into the cinema area of the nearest shopping mall. It was two o’clock in the afternoon, so the establishment wasn’t crowded. Except for us, there was only a family of three slowly making their way to the exit.
“See you in five minutes,” Jaemin murmured before he walked off to the bar to get us some salty popcorn and soda drinks. Though we both considered them way overpriced, it was a perfect way to celebrate the beginning of our fake relationship.
“We still have some time until the movie starts,” Jaemin shyly whispered as he cleared his throat. “Let’s take some selfies to make it public,” he added, and I nodded, sending him a timid smile, knowing this protocol had to be done in order to properly keep up appearances.
These days, everything had to be posted on social media, or it didn’t exist. If we didn’t leave a single digital mark, people might’ve grown a little bit suspicious of our alleged rendezvous. It would probably shock our friends, but it had to be done if we wanted to really sell it to them.
The circumstances were perfect for an impromptu first-date photo shoot. We were able to snap a few pictures without any annoying looks of prying eyes, choose the best angles, and finally post it with an ambiguous description confusing the shit out our friends.
Though Jaemin took about fifty photos, ultimately, I allowed him to upload three.
One picture showed me standing back to the camera as I looked at the cinema schedule, trying to pick a movie. I was wearing an A-line crimson red dress and a pair of warm black tights – the outfit really made my figure look pretty slim.
“What do you think about this one?” Jaemin inquired, showing me the photo of our interlaced hands. With a hum, I inspected the picture, giving him the green light. It was appropriate for our first date – it would signify we weren’t at the cinema as friends.
“This one looks good enough,” I commented as I reached to swipe across the screen of his smartphone. “I look cute here,” I added, showing Jaemin a picture of us. We were smiling, staring at the camera, almost stuffing our faces into the bucket of popcorn.
“What kind of description should I write?”
“Something vague, I guess,” I answered with a shrug, having no clue what kind of comment would be fitting for this Instagram post. “Maybe stick to emojis,” I suggested, and Jaemin went back to work, adjusting filters and typing the description.
With a chuckle, Jaemin handed me his phone, letting me approve his commentary.
“Are you out of your mind?” I hollered, quickly deleting the emojis. Having smacked his shoulder, I turned around, blocking him from seeing the screen. Three blushed emojis suited our fake-date better than a popcorn bucket, a wine glass, and an eggplant.
“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself,” Jaemin apologized, still laughing at his incredibly funny joke.
“Here, I posted it,” I said with an eye roll, throwing his phone at his lap. “The commercials must’ve started; let’s go,” I rose from my seat and extended my arm, wanting Jaemin to hand me the cup of coke. Jaemin, however, completely misunderstood my intentions, putting his hand into mine, holding it gently. “Give me my drink, Jaemin.”
“Sorry,” Jaemin sheepishly smiled before he yanked back his hand and turned his head around, too embarrassed to look at me. I, on the other hand, laughed hysterically. That should’ve served him right after that emoji faux pas.
“I was kidding,” I admitted when my laughter died down. “Come on, Jaemin. Let’s go; I want to see the trailers,” I added before grabbing his hand, hauling him inside the screening room.
At the last row, we plopped down onto our double seat, getting comfortable for the movie. With our belongings thrown onto the neighboring seat, we stretched our limbs before the lights went out, providing us with the best viewing experience.
“Do you think they’ve seen it?” Jaemin whispered into my ear as he placed his head on my shoulders. “I want to check it, but at the same time, I don’t.”
“Mood,” I replied, feeling just as anxious.
The movie began, and we quickly forgot about our bold social media statement, focusing much more on the screening. Residing to our typical behavior, Jaemin placed his head on my shoulder, snuggling closer, taking full advantage of the bucket of popcorn, which rested on my thighs.
It was peaceful and comfortable – just as things were before Jaemin had come up with his brilliant idea to fake-date each other for the sake of that ludicrous bet. Though we acted the way we used to with each other, it felt somewhat different with that supposed romantic connotations haunting us. Not necessarily bad kind of different, though.
Just as we expected, two hours was more than enough for our friends to spam our individual inboxes. We both had dozens of messages from group chats, as well as private ones. All of them were asking and/or speculating what happened and why.
“I don’t feel like answering any of these,” I muttered, dreading to read what Ten and Jiwoo wrote on our roomies’ group chat. “I don’t feel like coming home, either. They’re gonna eat me alive with questions. I am not ready to face them yet. Wanna hang out some more?”
“Fuck, even my mom has seen them,” Jaemin cursed under his breath, completely forgetting about his mother being a mad keen Instagram user. Now, when he looked at our arrangement from a slightly different angle, Jaemin realized it brought way more consequences than he was planning on facing.
It was bad.
Really bad.
With shaky hands, I unlocked my phone, checking the Instagram post Jaemin had tagged me in. Not only our friends flooded the group chats, but also, they didn’t forget to embarrass us even further in the comment section.
lucas_xx444: what the heck??? 😧 is this for real???
yuu_taa_1026: finally!!1 maybe they stop simping for each other now 🤡
_jeongjaehyun: another man down, shame 😔
choi.jiwoo21: 🙄🙄 some men actually grow up, jeong…
mama_nana: Why am I only finding about this now?
“Well… fuck,” I murmured under my breath, still unable to process the fact that Jaemin’s mom knew about it. It was supposed to be a harmless charade; however, with each passing minute, it was getting out of hand. “What is the damage control procedure?” I asked in concern, biting the bottom lip nervously. Lying to our friends was pretty bad, but keeping this relationship thingy up in front of his mother was despicable.
“You know how she is,” Jaemin started, and I sighed, wishing I had no clue of what she was capable of. Unfortunately, I did, and it scared the hell out of me. “Either we go and visit her, or she’s coming to visit us,” he wondered, unable to choose which option was worse. “Fuck, she’s calling me. What do I do?”
With panic flashed in his eyes, Jaemin handed me his phone, expecting me to handle the conversation with his gossip-girl type of a mother. As if that would ever happen…
“Pick up and tell her we’re awfully busy or something,” I ordered him, gliding my finger across the screen, pressing the device against Jaemin’s ear.
“Hi, mom,” he spoke through gritted teeth, staring at me in absolute fury. Quickly, his hand cupped mine before he grabbed the phone, adjusting it.
By Jaemin’s mom’s standards, the conversation was brief. Or rather, her monologue was because Jaemin didn’t speak a single word through the entirety of it. Except for a couple of mmm’s thrown here and there, he didn’t engage at all.
Ideally, Jaemin would schedule the visit after we will have broken up. He’d go there by himself and tell her a story of us coming back to our senses and deciding to remain just friends. Unfortunately, that would require at least one functional brain cell and a pinch of assertiveness – both of which Jaemin seemed to lack.
“And?” I inquired, praying to hear some good news.
With a sheepish smile, Jaemin cautiously looked up at me. “We’re visiting her for dinner on Friday,” he announced, and I gripped my hands, trying to refrain myself from beating the shit out of him.
I didn’t sign up for any of this!
I just wanted some shoes.
“I hate you, Na Jaemin,” I angrily declared, storming out of the cinema, ready to indulge myself with plenty of greasy food. It wasn’t the best coping mechanism, but I needed to consume a ridiculous amount of calories in order to forget I was stupid enough to agree to participate in this travesty. “Are you coming or not?!”
 ***
The last thing I wanted was to face my roommates. They must’ve had dozens of questions about this out-of-the-blue date, and I was dreadful because I couldn’t provide them with genuine answers. Perhaps, I could try to confabulate my way out of this, but it was, nonetheless, risky.
Having eaten at least two servings of a delicious greasy meal Jaemin and I went for a stroll under the pretense of taking some more photos for future references.
Around 8 o’clock, I unwillingly made my way home. Even with that romantic aura lurking around us, it was still fun to hang out with Jaemin.
Walking up the stairs to the fourth floor, I wondered about possible solutions to my problem. In a perfect scenario, I’d sneak into my room without anyone noticing, so I wouldn’t have to deal with any prying questions until, at least, early morning.
Unfortunately, the moment I pulled out my keys, the doors swung wide open.
“Well, well, well…” Ten tsked with a mischievous smirk dancing across his gorgeous face. Asshole. How dare he tsk me? “Had fun on your date?” He asked, and I tried my best to ignore him. It wasn’t that easy, though. With Jiwoo backing up his teasing, I was outnumbered.
“So… you and Jaemin, huh?” Jiwoo mused, cocking up her eyebrow in curiosity. “Spill the tea. I didn’t spam your inbox to not hear all the details,” she added, and I rolled my eyes, regretting all of my poor life choices that led me to this moment.
“I’ll bring wine,” Ten hollered before he disappeared in the kitchen, also keen on knowing everything that had happened between us. “Don’t say anything until I get there!”
They wanted to hear a romantic story of how two friends realized they had hots for each other, and that’s exactly what I did. Unwillingly, I provided them with an incredible piece of fiction of how we felt the spark when Jaemin stopped by the other day.
Admittedly, it was easy to go with the flow once the wine molecules were coursing through my veins. With some liquid inspiration in my bloodstream, I narrated how adorable Jaemin had been when he had gathered enough courage to ask me out on a date.
“So I assume you’re bringing Jaemin to the cabin on the weekend,” Jiwoo inquired in a teasing manner, and I blinked in confusion. What cabin was she talking about? “You forgot, didn’t you?”
“Forgot about what?” I asked, still clueless about the whole ordeal. With a confused frown, I wondered what this cabin trip was about. Positively, I didn’t forget about it. It’s impossible to forget about plans you weren’t even invited to.
So, Jiwoo explained everything in great detail.
Apparently, Jaehyun and Johnny planned a weekend getaway to the cabin by the sea. They invited plenty of people, but since it’s the middle of a hectic period of exams, only a small percentage of invitees would be able to make it.
Jaehyun, Johnny, and Lucas gave up trying to get the best grades two semesters ago, so their schedule was pretty much open. Renjun, Chenle, and Yeri were nerds with every necessary book memorized by heart, so they didn’t have to cram the weekend before the tests. Jiwoo, being heads over heels in love with Jaehyun, would even cancel her manicure appointment to make it to that trip. She was that serious about this fratboy for some reason…
And now, two individuals needed a perfect excuse to ditch an uncomfortable family dinner. When a chance presented itself in front of me, I just couldn’t say no.
“I’m going. I don’t know about Jaemin, though. He’s meeting his mom on Friday, but maybe he can make it work.”
“Fantastic,” Jiwoo shouted in excitement before finishing her glass of wine.
“Now, when I think about it, I am glad I’ve taken an extra shift at the gym,” Ten chimed in with a playful smirk as he sipped his wine. “You two simping for each other was painful to watch, but now, when you’re hitting it off, it’s gonna be unbearable.”
“What do you mean simping?” I yelled in a threatening manner, ready to fight him for spitting nonsense so carelessly. I might’ve had a tiny crush on Jaemin, but I wouldn’t call it simping. Also, suggesting the simping was mutual? He must’ve lost his freaking mind. Ridiculous!
“Shit, I didn’t think this through,” Jiwoo mentioned, now probably re-considering if the trip is worthwhile. She would love to hang out with Jaehyun and finally make a move, but on the other hand, she would have to deal with my and Jaemin’s romantic shenanigans.
“Why are you such drama queens? We’ve been on one date, for crying out loud! Stop acting like we’re some kind of overly touchy couple because we’re not,” I barked, having no more energy to argue with them. “We’ll keep PDA to a minimum, don’t worry.”
“No need to get so defensive,” Ten added, enjoying my misery a bit too much.
“I am not getting defensive,” I argued, though facing real trouble, unable to actually back up my perspective. “Anyway, I am going to sleep. Unlike the two of you, some people have real jobs,” I added before storming to my room, plopping onto my bed with a tired groan.
Having changed into my pajamas and sneaked under the covers, I finally dared to connect my phone to the Internet. My inbox was full of texts, so I read them all. I didn’t feel like replying to any of them, though. Instead, I opened my chat with Jaemin.
my love 💖 | 20:41 | I figured it out
my love 💖 | 20:41 | You don’t have to thank me
my love  💖 | 20:41 | Also
my love 💖 | 20:41 | Wtf Jaemin?
my love 💖 | 20:41 | What kind of name is that???
my love 💖 | 20:42 | Change it back
baNANA 🍓 |  20:43 | No. 😘
baNANA 🍓 | 20:43 | The name stays
baNANA 🍓 | 20:43 | You can’t make me 😝😝
baNANA 🍓 | 20:44 | And what don’t I have to thank you for?
my love 💖 | 20:44 | I might’ve found alternative plans for friday
baNANA 🍓 | 20:44 | Oh???
my love 💖 | 20:45 | Jiwoo invited us to the cabin for the weekend
my love 💖 | 20:45 | We’re gonna get so drunk!
my love 💖 | 20:45 | It’s okay if you can’t make it, tho
baNANA 🍓 | 20:45 | Wow
baNANA 🍓 | 20:45 | I have an exam on Monday…
baNANA 🍓 | 20:45 | But I can make Haechan give me his notes
baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | I wouldn’t miss it
my love 💖 | 20:46 | Good, then it’s a date
baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | Date??? 🥰🥰
my love 💖 | 20:46 | Stop being so cringy!
baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | Good night, love~~ 😘
baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | Dream of me 😇😇😇
my love 💖 | 20:46 | Ugh.
my love 💖 | 20:46 | Disgusting 🤢🤮
baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | I love you, too
***
As brilliant as my plan was, it fell through. Only partially, though. The little getaway was still a thing, but unfortunately, regardless of how much we tried, we couldn’t reschedule the dinner at Jaemin’s family home.
We still had to pay his parents a visit, but, at least, there was a silver lining.
Thanks to our hectic schedule, Jaemin’s mom wouldn’t have a chance to force us to stay longer. Whether she wanted to feed us dessert or stay the night, it was out of the question.
Since Jiwoo had one more exam to pass on Friday, half of the guests would have to show up later in the evening. Johnny, Jaehyun, Lucas, and Renjun were about to take off around noon while Jiwoo, Yeri, Chenle, Jaemin, and I had to carpool later in the evening.
I didn’t complain, though.
“It’ll be fine. It’s just my mom,” Jaemin reassured me, slipping his hand into mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I bet it’s gonna be like any other time you stopped by,” he added, and I cocked up my eyebrow suspiciously.
“You better be right,” I spoke, though still unconvinced. I knew Jaemin’s mother. She had a tendency to be, hmm…, a little bit extra. Who knew how she would behave now when she found out we were dating?
Since Jaemin was carrying our suitcases, I knocked on the front doors. Jaemin’s mom rushed to let us in, but not before she gave us bone-crushing hugs.
“I think you’ve misunderstood. I invited you for dinner. I didn’t ask you to move in with me,” Mrs. Na jested upon seeing the suitcases in Jaemin’s hands, misinterpreting the situation in the funniest way possible. “It must be shocking, but I enjoy living alone with your father.”
“We’re going to the beach with some friends after the dinner,” Jaemin clarified, and his mother hummed in understanding, acting a bit too cool about it. It’s been a while since Jaemin paid them a proper visit, and she was a little too nonchalant for my liking. “They’re going to pick us up around seven.”
She must’ve done something or was about to do something.
“Here’s some wine,” I spoke up, handing her the bottle as a small thank you gift for inviting us over for a delicious home-made meal.
“Thank you, dear. You’re so thoughtful,” Mrs. Na accepted the beverage, guiding us to the dining area. “I didn’t feel like cooking today, so I ordered some Chinese takeout. I hope you don’t mind,” she added, and I chuckled at her typical antics.
She was an amazing mother to Jaemin, raising him well, but she really was a terrible housewife. She didn’t change one bit, and I loved her for it. She had so much love for her husband, her son, and her son’s friends, and that’s what really mattered.
“Your father will be home in thirty,” she announced before she made a beeline to the kitchen to get a bottle opener. “And the takeout was supposed to arrive twenty minutes ago. If it weren’t for that slow delivery guy, I would’ve got away with my little secret,” she blabbered, laughing awkwardly.
“It’s okay, really,” I reassured her, sending her a genuine smile. “I am craving Chinese food, anyway,” I added before I elbowed Jaemin, so he would say something, too. For a blabbermouth he was, right now, he seemed awfully quiet.
Before Jaemin managed to provide his mother with a proper response, someone knocked on the doors. Since we had already arrived, it must’ve been the delivery guy with food.
“I’ll go get it,” Jaemin excused himself, leaving me alone with his mother.
“So…,” Mrs. Na cleared her throat as he began pouring wine into fancy glasses. “You guys are finally dating. And if you want me to be completely honest, I am a little bit disappointed,” she made a pause to look at me in the eye. What? She didn’t approve of me? That’s surprising; I used to think she adored me. “I am a little bit disappointed either of you didn’t make a move sooner. I was slowly losing hope,” she added, and I sighed in relief.
For a while, I was seriously concerned she didn’t like me.
“Are you expecting any guests? There’s no way we can finish it all by the four of us,” Jaemin commented as he walked into the dining room, setting two plastic bags of takeout. It smelled heavenly, and I couldn’t wait to taste whatever dish Mrs. Na had ordered.
“I can always invite your friends inside when they pull up,” she spoke matter-of-factly, but as soon as Jaemin looked at her sternly, she seconded that idea. “Or, I can pack it up, so you can share it with your friends later.”
“Should we wait for dad?” Jaemin asked when his stomach growled, demanding food. In the morning, he was quite anxious about going to his parents’ house, so he didn’t even bother to eat. Now, Jaemin was starving. He couldn’t wait any longer.
“I’ll get the plates,” his mom spoke, not really answering his question. Within two minutes, she came back with a special set of tableware. In their household, it was used only for holidays and other rare occasions. “Dig in,” she urged us, waiting for us to fill our plates before doing the same herself.
Whatever restaurant provided today’s dinner, it was remarkable. It wasn’t too salty, nor too spicy. Even when I was full, I still stuffed my mouth some more, unable to stop myself.
“You have sauce on your chin,” Jaemin remarked, pointing at his own chin, helping me locate the stray drop of soy sauce. “Here,” he added with a tired shake of his head, wiping it clean with his napkin.
“You two are too adorable,” Mrs. Na cooed, smiling at us widely. “It was worth the wait,” she added, and I creased my forehead in confusion. “Oh, did you hear that? It must be your dad,” Mrs. Na said upon hearing noise from the garage. “You keep eating, I’ll go greet his workaholic ass,” she excused herself with a playful smile before walking away from the table to welcome her husband as any loving wife would.
With a deep sigh, Jaemin leaned toward me, resting his arm on my chair.
“It’s not that bad, actually. I was excepting to go through some kind of FBI-level of interrogation, but she seems kind of chill about this whole thing,” Jaemin whispered into my ear, and I giggled, agreeing with him. It was kind of suspicious, but I couldn’t complain.
“It’s kinda creepy when she’s talking like she’s been rooting for us to end up together, but this one thing aside, it’s bearable,” I replied, and Jaemin nodded his head.
“I am gone for a minute, and you’re all over each other,” Mrs. Na snickered when she returned to the dining room, seeing Jaemin leaned in, only inches apart from my face. “Jaemin, mama’s so proud,” she added before she walked around the room to set the plate for Mr. Na.
“Stop embarrassing me,” Jaemin whined, playing with the food on his plate, pouting. Though his mother pretty much ignored his childish tantrum, I chuckled, finding it absolutely adorable. Maybe she was a teaser, but little Jaemin knew, he inherited it from her. It was time he experienced the taste of his own medicine.
The apple doesn’t fall that far from the tree…
The rest of the afternoon went peaceful. Though Mrs. Na threw in some cheesy remarks here and there, we could handle it. We were slightly buzzed, after all.
“It’s time for us,” Jaemin announced as he heard a car parked in front of the house. “It was nice. We should totally do it again,” he sarcastically added when he reached for my coat and helped me put it on.
“Don’t have too much fun,” she added with a playful smirk upon her face, earning a judging look from her more conservative husband. “No, wait, I second that. Have as much fun as you want. I am a cool parent,” she spoke, changing her mind in a matter of seconds. “And I plan on becoming a cool grandparent.”
At first, I wanted to remind her that we’re too young for children. Besides, technically, we only went on one date. It was definitely too soon to even think about these things, let alone talk about them out loud.
Thankfully, before I managed to say something I’d regret, Jiwoo honked, urging us to get going. If it wasn’t for her impatience, I might’ve ruined the image I had built for myself in Jaemin’s parents’ eyes.
“Your mother was joking! Always use protection,” Mr. Na hollered before he closed the doors after us.
***
Except for a few playful comments shot toward Jaemin and me, the ride was peaceful. As soon as we threw our suitcases into the trunk and squeezed in on the backseat, we hit the road. Jamming to Jiwoo’s playlist, we chatted in excitement, all of us in desperate need of a little vacation. It was a stressful time of a year, but maybe this short trip would actually help us recharge the batteries and calm down after busting our asses off.
“How was the dinner?” Jiwoo asked, staring at us in the rearview mirror. Since there was a limited amount of space, I was almost sitting on Jaemin’s laps. Jiwoo didn’t miss it with her eagle eyes. The way Jaemin played with my fingers didn’t go unnoticed, either.
“Bearable,” I muttered under my breath, not really wanting to recollect these memories now. I’d probably tell Jiwoo everything later, and she understood the subliminal message in a heartbeat. “How was your test?”
“I probably failed, but, at least, now I know what to expect,” Jiwoo answered as she turned to the left as the navigation system instructed her to.
In about two hours, we arrived at our destination.
Having stepped into the cabin with our heavy luggage in our hands, we encountered the middle of the party. A handful of beer bottles were scattered around the living area, the boys fervently discussing some matter.
“You’re finally here,” Jaehyun spoke matter-of-factly, as he noticed us in the threshold. “Go upstairs and leave your stuff in your rooms. We’ve already assigned them; just read the post-it notes stuck to the doors,” he explained before he turned away.
Huh, apparently, they were pros at planning.
The guys rented a cabin that consisted of six tiny bedrooms. Generally, we wouldn’t have a problem assigning them; however, since Jaehyun, Lucas, and Johnny didn’t want to room with anyone, we were facing a dilemma. They guys wanted to have some privacy if they managed to pick someone up at the hotel in the neighborhood. In this case, the six of us had to share rooms. Jiwoo and Yeri could room together. Renjun and Chenle could occupy another one, so it looked like they put Jaemin and me in the last one.
Thankfully, it wouldn’t be the first time when I had to share a bed with Jaemin. He had stayed the night plenty of times before when he dozed off during our Netflix marathons. However, it still was to be a little bit awkward since everybody thought we began dating. We were going to pull through, though.
As soon as possible, we came back downstairs, ready to even the score of consumed alcohol. All of us needed it. Everybody had a different reason for it, but none of our troubles were to be discussed tonight.
In the fridge, there was a whole palette of different types of alcohol. Quickly, I grabbed two tequila-flavored beers, handing one to Jaemin, allowing others to choose their poison.
My plan for tonight was to test every kind of alcohol, gradually going up with the percentages. It was a bad idea, but that’s what college was about – having fun like there’re no consequences.
We partied like there’s no tomorrow.
At first, we kept it simple. Fervent conversations led us to shout at one another, trying to force one perspective over the others. We were going through so many subjects that any sober bystander might’ve had real trouble comprehending how we managed to switch among them.
Then, someone suggested playing a drinking game. Of course, it had to be never have I ever. Everybody had so much fun, especially when the participants yelled at Jaemin and me because we didn’t even bother to abide by the rules. We were sipping our drinks whenever we felt like it, even between rounds, and it didn’t sit right with the rest. Eventually, they kicked us out of their little circle, giving us the crucial task of bringing some snacks from the kitchen.
Sometime past midnight, Jiwoo proposed going outside. It was beautifully snowing, but at the same time, it was freezing. Though I was opposed to this idea, everybody seemed to love it. The guys were throwing snowballs at each other, bringing out their inner child.
As if this wasn’t enough, they decided to take a stroll to the seaside. Though our cabin was maybe a mile away from the seashore, I didn’t particularly fancy the saunter. Jaemin was by my side, offering to warm my hand in his pocket, but I still was on the verge of freezing my ass off. I’d much rather sit by the fireplace under a few blankets with a mug of the mulled wine in my grasp. Apparently, everybody besides me was really intrigued by an ice bath and other winter extreme sports.
Though it was dangerous as fuck, Jiwoo took off her shoes and rolled up her jeans before she walked into the ice water of the sea. Being the dumbass he was, Lucas instantly followed suit.
“They seem to hit it off tonight,” I nonchalantly whispered as I elbowed Jaehyun. Jiwoo and Jaehyun might have a thing going on, but neither of them acted on it. Jiwoo was too whipped to make a move, too afraid of rejection. Jaehyun, on the other hand, was just a fuckboy, not really looking for a relationship. “Look at them. Don’t they look cute?” I carried on, cautiously watching Jaehyun’s expression. They weren’t together, but he seemed slightly jealous and frustrated watching her have lots of fun with Lucas.
In my opinion, he didn’t deserve her, but I didn’t really have a say in that matter. Jaehyun was the person Jiwoo’s heart longed for, and I, being her best friend, had to support that. Or, in this case, I had to give him a little push to get things in motion.
Jaehyun had some feelings for Jiwoo, but he needed some time and character development to fully comprehend them. Until then, it was my duty to remind him what he’s missing out on by not being serious enough to ask her out.
“Nah, I wouldn’t call them cute,” Jaehyun murmured through gritted teeth, positively jealous. “What they’re doing is dangerous; somebody has to stop them,” he added before he kicked off his own shoes, running toward Jiwoo to pick her up and bring her back to the shore.
“What was that?” Jaemin asked, being shook as to what he had witnessed.
“What was what? What do you mean?” I smirked, winking at him, hoping he wouldn’t tell anyone about it. “I didn’t do anything.”
“You played him,” Jaemin spoke, still impressed by how easily I manipulated Jaehyun into stepping into the scene, pulling Jiwoo away from Lucas. “Is this even legal? You’ve never done this one me, have you?”
“No, of course, not! Don’t be ridiculous,” I answered, though my tone suggested a completely different message. “You would’ve known, wouldn’t you?” I teased, chuckling at Jaemin’s funny expression. He was mortified. “I think you’re overreacting. I just pointed out some facts, and Jaehyun reacted to them according to his emotional opinion. I really didn’t do anything,” I added, defending my case.
“Don’t you ever try pulling a trick like that on me, okay?” Jaemin stated, and I nodded, giving him a promise. “I mean… I wouldn’t fall for it, but still, don’t.”
“We should head back to the cabin,” Johnny shouted, gathering the gang. Surprisingly, he seemed the most sober amongst us, so it didn’t come as a shock to me that he tried to look after his hammered friends.
In my opinion, it was a perfect call. I was slowly sobering up, and I definitely needed a refill. With my schedule packed, I had no idea when I would have a chance for another getaway, so I had to make the most out of this one.
As we returned to the cabin, Jaehyun’s eyes didn’t leave Jiwoo.
Jaemin, on the other hand, went upstairs to grab his camera, deciding it was the best time to snap photos. Of course, he had to take pictures of us when we were drunk out of our minds. Why didn’t he take any when we looked decent without smudged make-up?
“Sexy,” Jaemin commented as he pointed his camera at me. “Ahh, sexy,” he kept calling me that, and I stuck my tongue at him, wanting him to go away pester someone else. My hair was a mess, and my lipstick smudged off my lips a long time ago. “So sexy,” he carried on, making me roll my eyes at him. At some point, I tried kicking him, but that bastard was beyond my reach.
Around 2 o’clock, one by one, we began feeling tired.
Lucas was the first one to go. Considering how much alcohol he had drunk, I was surprised he lasted that long. Better yet, it was a shock he could even stand straight. Jaemin and Renjun had to escort him upstairs, but nonetheless, his alcohol tolerance was impressive.
I didn’t even realize when, but Yeri and Chenle managed to fall asleep on the couch. Firmly, Renjun shook them away, ordering them to go to their respective rooms. With tired yawns, they made their way upstairs, falling on their beds face-first.
“Let’s go to sleep,” Jaemin pouted as he sat on the side of the armchair, resting his head on my shoulder. Entwining his hand in mine, he stood up, pulling me up.
“Have fun, guys. We’re calling it a night,” I announced, refraining from yawning.
“No, you have fun,” Jiwoo replied, sending us a wink. Shaking my head, I sighed before we disappeared upstairs. I don’t know what she was thinking; however, I didn’t have the energy to keep my eyes open, let alone other nighttime activities. Besides, Jaemin was just as spent. Even if we were in a real relationship, we wouldn’t engage in half-conscious unsatisfactory messy sex.
“Come here,” Jaemin whispered as he smiled. His eyes were already closed as he patted the mattress beside him, waiting for me to join. “Good job. I think we really sold it to everybody,” he added as he snuggled closer, wrapping his limbs around my body.
“That’s good,” I purred, slowly drifting into dreamland. It was a long day, and it was finally over. Though it had a rough beginning, I ended it in Jaemin’s arms. “Good night.”
“Good night, my love,” Jaemin muttered, resting his head on my pillow right beside my face.
“You were supposed to change that name,” I replied, too drunk or/and too tired to realize it was his spoken words and not a text message.
 ***
During the second week of our relationship, we grew to be less tense around each other. Better yet, we seemed awfully comfortable, almost as if that’s how everything was meant to be. It was a little bit alarming, but I decided not to point that out. Even if it was just an act, I enjoyed it much more than I’d ever dare to admit. As long as it lasted, I was to savor it.
Ever since we came back from the weekend trip, Jaemin would pop up out of nowhere at least once a day with a surprise for me, proving how over the top he could be in courting a woman.
On Monday, he spammed his social media feed with my pictures from the trip. Of course, he didn’t forget to put a corny description under it, making me flustered. Even though I wouldn’t consider myself photogenic, Jaemin managed to bring out my best features with his photography talent and editing skills.
On Tuesday, Jaemin was waiting outside the auditorium with a cute bouquet of my favorite flowers – white roses. He was there to congratulate me on passing my last exam of the semester. The professor would send us results by the end of the week, but according to Jaemin, there was no chance I’d fail it.
“I still don’t get it how you do it,” Jaemin mused, scratching his temple, trying to put two and two together. “I hardly ever see you study, but then, you panic before an exam only to nail it later on. What kind of black magic is this?” He wondered, and I giggled, unable to explain my poor studying technique. I just winged it last minute every single time in my academic career.
“You better be right about this one,” I replied, still anxious about my grade. I didn’t manage to answer all of the questions, so a passing grade would be a relief. “I’m craving pasta. Do you want t go on a celebratory date?”
“You’re reading my mind,” Jaemin said, grabbing my hand, leading me to our favorite restaurant.
On Wednesday, Jaemin invited me to a bowling alley. Every month he would visit the establishment with his friends. Only on rare occasions, their significant others were invited. None of them could really commit to a serious relationship, so it never became a repetitive custom of their group.
“You guys are disgusting,” Haechan whined after our turn. Jaemin and I were losing by an enormous margin, but we didn’t mind. We were having fun despite a low score. “But at least, we’re winning,” Haechan added, pointing at Chenle and himself.
“I am the winner here,” Jaemin boldly announced, giving my hand a light squeeze, making me almost spit my soda.
Everybody cringed at Jaemin’s bold corny statement.
“I second that,” Haechan mused, looking away from Jaemin. “She’s bearable, and you are just absolutely repulsive,” he corrected himself, and I chuckled. Never in my entire life, I thought I would agree on something with Haechan, but this moment occurred right then.
On Thursday, although my schedule was packed with work, Jaemin insisted on hanging out. Tired out of my mind, I let Jaemin inside the apartment. He was carrying Mexican takeout; I couldn’t send him back home. Not when he had goodies.
“What do you want to watch?” I asked as I handed him the remote, allowing him to choose the movie. I was going to pass out anyway, so he might’ve as well picked something he liked.
“Anything is good,” he answered as he unwrapped his quesadilla, taking a bite off of it.
“The Notebook it is then,” I teased, but since Jaemin didn’t stop me, I put it on.
Having eaten my portion of a delicious meal, I lay down on the couch, resting my head on Jaemin’s thighs. I didn’t even realize when I fell asleep. Only when the credits were rolling down on the screen, Jaemin shook me awake.
“When did you fall asleep?” Jaemin inquired, a little bit mad that I forced him to watch the ultimate romantic movie of the twenty-first century. It was toxic as hell, and the way their behavior got romanticized didn’t sit right with me.
“As soon as I lay down,” I answered honestly, as I rolled around, staring at Jaemin’s handsome face. “How did you like the movie?” I asked innocently, swiftly changing the topic. It was for the better if Jaemin didn’t find out I paid no attention to the film. Instead of a great viewing experience, it was just a mere background noise that lulled me to sleep.
“I didn’t,” Jaemin whined, tapping his foot against the floor, making me sit up instantly. “It was toxic and sad at the same time. Noah was a manipulative jerk, and Allie was moody as fuck. The only bright side of their relationship is that they ended up with each other, not ruining other people’s lives,” Jaemin spoke the truth, and I couldn’t agree more. “In conclusion, give me my 2 hours back,” he added, and I hit him with a cushion.
Unable to comprehend what I just did, Jaemin blinked in confusion. Then, a few seconds later, he smirked and grabbed another cushion, ready to fight back.
Unfortunately, our childish antics were interrupted by Jiwoo. She was hanging out with Yuta, studying for the exam they had to retake the next day. To be completely honest, she couldn’t have any worse timing. While watching a movie was explainable, it wasn’t the case when it came to an impromptu pillow fight.
“Should I come back later, or something?” Jiwoo asked, pointing at the doors, willing to leave if it meant for me to get laid.
“Nah, Jaemin’s leaving. I am trying to kick him out, actually,” I announced, sticking my tongue out.
On Friday, Jaemin and I planned on going to the arcade. Unfortunately, we had to raincheck that. One of Jaemin’s coworkers fell sick, and Jaemin had to take a double shift at the coffee shop in his neighborhood.
I already had canceled my other plans to hang out with Jaemin, so I didn’t really want to stay at home all by myself. It was a Friday night, after all. Surprising him at work seemed like a better idea. His friends liked hanging out there; therefore, it must’ve been an excellent excuse for a little bit of acting in order to keep up appearances.
Quickly, I assembled a cute outfit and put on light make-up.
About an hour before the closing, I entered the coffee shop. Except for a few students with their noses in their computers, the establishment was empty.
“Welcome to–,” Jaemin hollered, ready to welcome the customers. “Oh, it’s you. What are you doing here?” He asked as a wide smile spread across his face, enjoying my surprise.
“I just came to surprise you,” I confessed, though none of us paid enough attention to the gravity of my words. I genuinely wanted to hang out Jaemin him as his girlfriend. “And I also wanted to get some discounted goodies. What do you have left?” I asked, looking over his shoulder, trying to see what food didn’t sell yet. An hour before the closing, everything on the menu was discounted by seventy percent, and I just couldn’t walk past that kind of deal.
“You’re not the only one who came for cheap stuff,” Jaemin commented as he saw Haechan and Renjun on the other side of the doors. “Take a seat, I’ll bring you your favorite,” he added, and I smiled at him, walking to the booth by the window.
Having finished my Greek sandwich, I focused on my cup of tea. I was scrolling through social media feed, giggling whenever I stumbled upon a funny meme. It was a perfect evening; complete relaxation in the rhythm of soft foreign jazz music playing through speakers, Jaemin checking up on me once every a couple of minutes.
“Oh, hi, there,” Haechan hollered as soon as he noticed me. He must’ve been returning to his table from a restroom. “I didn’t realize you’re here. What’s up?” We weren’t close, so his question was more like a polite generic statement rather than genuine curiosity.
“I’m waiting for Jaemin to finish, so we can hang out at my place,” I answered, hoping Haechan would get the suggestive tone.
“Actually, there’s something you should know,” he said quietly, looking around, probably checking if Jaemin was within earshot. “I am so ashamed it happened, but I really have to tell you something,” Haechan added, and I couldn’t wait for him to reveal the secret.
Haechan was playing dirty. He wanted to tell me about the bet, ruining Jaemin’s chance at getting me to sleep with him. It was some top-tier double-crossing, and I found it impressive. I had no clue Haechan had it in him.
“We shouldn’t have done it. I don’t know why we even agreed to this,” Haechan added, scratching the back of his head, trying to sound genuinely regretful. “I think Jaemin’s not genuine about the thing you have going on. You see, we made a bet. He has to have sex with you, or else he owes Chenle 500 bucks.”
“What?!” I exclaimed, hoping my consternation was believable. At first, I felt the temptation to say something along, yeah, I know, what’s new, but then I decided to play along. It was actually a good idea to make it seem like Jaemin’s about to lose the bet. Knowing them, they wouldn’t call it off. If anything, Jaemin could double the stakes. “No, it can’t be true. Jaemin would never –“
Now, it was my cue to make a scene. Hopefully, it would play out exactly like in my impromptu prediction.
Reaching the stage of fake hysteria, I rose from my seat and stormed to Jaemin. He was energetically wiping off the tables, wanting to leave shortly after the last customer.
“Is that true? Did you really make a bet you can have sex with me?” I yelled at him through gritted teeth. Jaemin, on the other hand, was confused as fuck. “Did you really think you could get away with it? You disgust me!” I shouted, slapping his cheek. “Don’t ever call me again,” I added before I turned on my heel, storming out of the coffee shop.
Being the only employee at work, Jaemin couldn’t run after me.
Jaemin deserved an explanation. I had to fill him in on my wonderful plan before he would blow it in front of Renjun and Haechan.
my love 💖 | 20:46 | play along
my love 💖 | 20:46 | trust me
my love 💖 | 20:47 | kick them out pls
baNANA  🍓  | 20:47 | wtf???
baNANA 🍓  | 20:48 | that hurt
baNANA 🍓  | 20:48 | I didn’t have to kick them out
baNANA  🍓 | 20:49 | they ran out a few seconds after you
my love 💖 | 20:49 | good
baNANA 🍓  | 20:49 | what the hell is going on???
baNANA  🍓  | 20:50 | I am confused
my love 💖 | 20:50 | Haechan ‘told’ me about the bet
my love 💖 | 20:50 | he wanted to double cross you
baNANA  🍓  | 20:51 | what???
my love 💖 | 20:51 | so the plan is
my love 💖 | 20:51 | they know you don’t stand a chance
my love 💖 | 20:51 | so you double the stakes
my love 💖 | 20:52 | and then bam! we win double the money
baNANA  🍓  | 20:52 | wow
baNANA  🍓  | 20:52 | you’re a genius
my love 💖 | 20:53 | I know
my love 💖 | 20:53 | and since I’m acting like I’m not talking to you
my love 💖 | 20:53 | bye 
my love 💖 | 20:54 | see you @ the party!
 ***
Everything went according to my plan. The guys thought I was pissed with Jaemin, while Jaemin still tried to convince them he stands a chance to court me. It was kind of ironic, they wanted to play me, but it was them getting played.
Together with Jiwoo and Ten, we came extra early to Jaehyun’s party. Still being stuck in friendzone, Jiwoo went out of her way to help him out. Today it meant setting up all types of decorations all over the fraternity house and preparing different kinds of snacks.
Around seven, an Uber pulled up in front of our building. Not to brag, but despite the limited amount of time, we managed to dress up to the nines.
I decided to keep it simple. My outfit consisted of a pair of skinny high-waisted black jeans, a long-sleeved sequin embellished crop top, and a pair of ankle-high boots.
Jiwoo, on the other hand, was wearing a two-piece baby pink dress and a pair of massive mid-thigh black leather platform combat boots. She looked fierce, like a weird baby of 90’s Britney Spears and Marilyn Mason.
Though Ten’s outfit looked the most effortless, it took him longer than us to put it together. Having thrown every single thing from his closet on the bed, Ten experienced a mild crisis. Even though he looked gorgeous in everything, he didn’t seem to believe us. Only after the off-hand intervention, he agreed to play it cool with a pair of ripped jeans, a black shirt with three top buttons left untouched, and an oversized leather jacket.
Once we arrived at Jaehyun’s fraternity, nothing was ready. Thankfully, it wasn’t my problem. Jiwoo was the one who volunteered to help out. Ten and I were about to vibe in the corner, letting other people arrange the place according to Jaehyun’s vision.
Trying our best not to disturb others, Ten and I watched the way the smelly fraternity sex mansion turned into a festive valentine’s manor.
“I hope she’s gonna get laid today,” I whispered into Ten’s ear, looking at Jiwoo working like a busy bee around the house.
“She better; that’s really painful to look at,” Ten agreed, looking a little bit disappointed. Jiwoo was at Jaehyun’s beck and call, and it was about time he acknowledged her feelings.
Around nine o’clock, it was getting a little bit crowded.
Music was blasting through the speakers. Some of the fratboys were already looking for their next conquest. Girls were dancing on a makeshift dance floor in the middle of the living area, suggestively swaying their hips, teasing whoever was watching with their sexy moves.
Later on, when I was in the middle of my fourth drink of the night, Jaemin finally showed up. Together with Haechan, Jeno, Renjun, and Chenle, they walked through the threshold. They all looked great, but Jaemin stood out in the crowd. After all, he was the only one to put on a suit jacket over his white T-shirt. While the rest rocked the comfortable outfits, Jaemin opted for a more elegant look.
Almost as if he wanted to impress someone. Or at least, apologize properly, trying every sly trick to make me forgive him.
Upon entrance, his eyes searched me in the crowd, and when he met my gaze, a smile stretched across his face. Shyly, he raised his hand, wanting to wave at me, but since I stubbornly turned my head around, playing my role of offended woman, he lowered it.
“I’ve seen an ATM on our way here,” Renjun commented, knowing Jaemin didn’t stand a chance of winning the bet.
“It won’t be necessary,” Jaemin replied, following me with his gaze. “I didn’t lose it yet,” he added, and the guys laughed at him. There was no way he still thought he could woo me. “I still have a few hours left; I am not going to give up.”
“You’re such a loser,” Jeno interjected as regret washed through him. Although he didn’t actively participate when the bet was placed, he didn’t oppose it. He was an idle bystander, allowing other people to ruin our friendship. It didn’t sit right with him, but it was too late. The damage was already done, and Jaemin was going to embarrass himself even further. “She doesn’t deserve any of this.”
“It’s not like that,” Jaemin started, but he refused to explain how exactly it was like.
“You’re still gonna fail,” Haechan added with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. Back at the coffee shop, he ruined Jaemin’s chance for success. “Hey there, beautiful,” Haechan spoke when his attention was snatched by one of the girls who walked past them.
Once the boys divided to greet other friends, Jaemin strolled to the kitchen. I was there, and he needed to initiate the first step of our plan.
Sincere apology.
“Can we talk?” Jaemin whispered as he reached out to grab my hand, interrupting my conversation with Ten and Yeri. “Let me explain. You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to listen to me,” he asked, and I unwillingly complied, letting him lead me toward an abandoned corner in the living area. No one could hear us talk, but at the same time, everybody could see us.
“What do you want, Jaemin,” I barked, folding my arms across my chest, startling myself with how good I managed to behave like an angry ex-girlfriend. Though it was my last semester, maybe I should change my major to professional acting.
“Wow. You’re too good at this,” Jaemin commented before he proceeded with his part. “Anyway, I made this card for you. I hope it finds you well,” he announced before he pulled an envelope out of the inner pocket of his suit jacket.
Cautiously, I took the valentine’s card out of the envelope. Once I saw the front page, I couldn’t help but laugh. Jaemin must’ve done it himself, or he stole it from Jeno’s four-year-old niece. It was all covered in hearty stickers and glitter.
Jaemin definitely wasn’t a poet. He had never stood next to one, either.
Instead of a heartfelt apology and love confession, there was a short corny message which simultaneously made me cringe and chuckle.
Are you a ba-NANA? Cause I find you a-peeling.
From Your Love
P.S. it’s from me, your Jaemin
“You’ve really outdone yourself,” I spoke, shaking my head, trying my best not to grin. I was supposed to hate him, but it was too difficult. “I am gonna walk away now. Approach me once you raise the stakes.”
Although I didn’t want to party without Jaemin by my side, it was what I had to do. Having sent him a faint smile, I turned around and walked away, giving Jaemin some time to initiate part two of our plan.
Having drunk a few fancy shots Ten had made for me, we hit the dance floor. At first, we just jumped in the rhythm. However, when the DJ played the song we had practiced at the dance studio, everybody stepped to the side, making enough room to let us perform the choreography.
With alcohol coursing in my system, my moves weren’t as precise as usual – they still earned a round of applause.
“Hey, hey, hey, are you having fun?” Drunk as a skunk, Jaehyun shouted through the microphone connected to the DJ’s console. “How about we slow up the tempo?” Jaehyun yelled, and everybody cheered, making a lot of noise. “Tonight’s the love festival, and I, the valentine’s boy, specifically request every find a person to slow dance with.”
Having set the microphone aside, Jaehyun pushed DJ away from the console, putting on his Cigarettes After Sex playlist. The first song which graced our ears was Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You.
“Can I have this dance?” Jaemin appeared out of nowhere by my side, extending his hand for me to take. “Please?” He looked into my eyes, waiting for my response, looking hopeful.
As soon as I nodded, Jaemin grabbed my hand and gently pulled me against his firm body, resting his left hand on my back, holding me still, making sure I’d not run away. With my head resting against his chest, we swayed slowly, getting lost in our little world.
“They think I am a terrible person,” Jaemin whispered into my ear, his breath tickling my skin. “They seriously think I’d try to ruin our friendship with this bet,” he carried on, and I hummed, taking an inhale, getting hit with Jaemin’s musky cologne.
The boys truly underestimated the power of our friendship. Jaemin and I told each other almost everything. It was bold of them to assume I had no idea about the bet.
“Don’t worry about it,” I replied as I had closed my eyes, getting lost in the moment. “Everything will come back to normal soon enough,” I added, trying to ignore the bittersweet taste of my statement. Our fake relationship had an expiration date, and it was near.
“You’re right. Everything will come back to normal,” Jaemin repeated my words as he rested his chin on top of my head, pulling me even closer. “You’re the best fake girlfriend I’ve ever had,” he added, pressing an innocent peck against my hairline.
“How many fake girlfriends have you had?” I asked, chuckling, sounding a bit jealous.
“Anyway,” Jaemin started, trying to change the subject. “The guys took the bait. And now, judging by the stupid looks on their faces, they’re shitting their pants.”
“Once the song is over, we should initiate the third phase of our plan,” I commented, wanting to be over with this. In about a minute, I was about to pull Jaemin out of the dance floor and lead him to the bathroom upstairs, where we would do the deed.
When another song from Jaehyun’s playlist echoed in the room, all the other couples kept dancing. Jaemin and I, on the other hand, were about to not so discreetly sneak upstairs.
Unfortunately, we met an obstacle on our path.
It was Jaehyun, pointing his phone at our faces.
“It’s a kiss cam. Do what you gotta do,” he spoke, and I creased my forehead in utter confusion. What the hell was he doing? What the hell was a kiss cam? It was a frat party, not a baseball match. Didn’t he have a beer pong championship to win or something?
“What?”
“Do I really have to explain this to everyone? Jesus,” Jaehyun complained, taking a deep sigh, trying to ease his irritation. “It’s Valentine’s day! I am Valentine’s boy! And this is a kiss cam. You kiss, and I take pictures,” he explained, but I wasn’t convinced. “Hurry up! I have to take like 50 more of them.”
At first, I didn’t want to do it. But then, a thought crossed my mind. Who would believe Jaemin and I had sex if I refused to give him a kiss. It was just one kiss; it wouldn’t hurt.
Having licked my lips, I smiled at Jaemin before I wrapped my hands around his neck, giving him a chaste smooch. It lasted maybe a few seconds, but it still made me uneasy. Even if it was just a brief peck, it was too much for my poor heart.
“What the fuck was that?” Jaehyun groaned in disappointment. “One more time, guys. That’s how you kiss your mother, not your girlfriend. You can do better.”
“Show him how it’s done, Jaemin,” I encouraged him, giving him permission to assault my lips, hoping it would happen to be one hell of a performance.
Having smirked, Jaemin leaned forward, pressing his lips gently against mine. Cautiously, he deepened the kiss, knocking the air out of my lungs, making my legs shake under my weight. His hands held my chin in place as his tongue slipped through my lips.
Out of a sudden, nothing else mattered. Jaemin and I were in our bubble, and despite it being a one-time thing, I wished it lasted forever. Whatever expectations I had about this moment, it wasn’t even close to reality.
Jaehyun cleared his throat, wanting to pull us out of our trance. In vain, though. I moved my lips against Jaemin’s in slow sync, letting the sweet sensation strip me of the last remains of dignity. I was to savor every second of it, basking in bliss.
“Ekhem,” Jaehyun grunted, starting to feel a little bit flustered. “You guys done?”
Once we broke apart to take a breath, Jaehyun spoke again.
“Have you seen Jiwoo, by the way?”
“Yeah, I think she went for a smoke with Lucas,” I answered casually, watching panic display on Jaehyun’s face. It was evident he didn’t fancy the newfound information. “She went outside like half an hour ago, though. I wonder what it takes them so long,” I added, planting another grain of doubt in his subconscious.
As soon as anxiety downed on him, Jaehyun bolted outside. He better, though. If Jaehyun wasn’t going to make a move on Jiwoo tonight, I was about to find another guy to ship her with.
“You did it again,” Jaemin pointed out, and I just shrugged, dismissing his comment. So what? One push in the right direction wasn’t enough for Jaehyun to grow up, so I decided to be generous enough to give him a second chance.
“Are you ready for phase three?” I asked Jaemin, but before he managed to reply, I grabbed his hand, pulling him across the dance floor. Giggling, I ran through the sea of people, not so accidentally bumping into Chenle, almost spilling his beer.
“Oh my god, I am so sorry,” I hollered, giggling. Now, when I had Chenle’s attention, we could sneak upstairs to proceed with the final step of our plan. “Come on, Jaemin, let’s go. I am horny,” I added, probably overdoing my part. Unfortunately, the words were already spoken. I couldn’t take them back.
Having locked the bathroom doors behind us, I jumped onto the countertop. “Don’t you think it’s a bit creepy they’re gonna eavesdrop on us bang? It’s kinda off-putting, you know…”
When Jaemin wanted to speak, somebody knocked on the doors. It must’ve been one of Jaemin’s friends, checking if we were indeed fucking. “It’s occupied,” Jaemin hollered, mentioning for me to start my performance.
“Fuck, Jaemin! Eat me out, already,” I yelled, pressing my hands against my mouth, trying to stifle my laugher. This situation was ridiculous, and I couldn’t help myself but giggle. I had only a few drinks, yet I felt like I was high as a kite. “Yes, like that! Ahhh…”
“Can’t wait to fuck that tight hole,” Jaemin played along, almost dying of alcohol-induced tittering. We were definitely having too much fun.
“Right there, Jaemin!” I screamed, holding my stomach as it began aching due to excessive cackling. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, right there,” I moaned loudly, kicking my head back. “Don’t tease me, please!”
“I gotta get you ready for my cock, love,” Jaemin growled, and I gasped, my mind conjuring the forbidden image®.
“Just fuck me! I need your cock inside of me now!” I groaned, hoping whoever was on the other side of the doors heard enough of what was going inside. “Mmmm… you stretch me out so well…” I purred, almost falling off the counter when another round of uncontrollable laughter tried to erupt from my throat.
“Fuck, you’re still so tight.”
“Jaemin! Fuck, I am close. Keep going,” I yelled, mentally preparing for the big finale. This whole act was a vocal performance, and it was time I finished. “I’m coming! Come with me!”
“It was spectacular,” Jaemin whispered so only I could hear him. “I have one more favor, though,” he added, shying away. Oh no, he was about to ask about something stupid.
“What is it?”
“It could’ve been some random dude,” he admitted, scratching the back of his head, unsure how to voice his supplication. “Give me your panties. It’ll be the definite proof.”
“You’re joking,” I deadpanned, staring into his eyes, waiting for him to say it was just a harmless prank. “You’re serious,” I added as soon as I realized Jaemin meant it.
“Come on, I won’t be sniffing them,” Jaemin nagged, and I rolled my eyes. I didn’t even think about it, but now that he mentioned it, I had another reason not to comply with his weird-ass request. “I’ll give them back, I promise.”
“I can’t believe I am considering this,” I cursed under my breath. If any other person would like such a favor from me, I’d deny it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, I had a soft spot for Jaemin, so denying him didn’t come easy to me.
Hell, I wouldn’t be here if I was able to say no to him.
“You owe me big time,” I caved in, jumping off the countertop, stepping behind the shower curtain, providing myself with some privacy. “Don’t peek. Even if I slip, you gotta stay on the other side. Got it?” I added as I stuck my head through the curtain.
“Scout’s honor,” Jaemin pledged, and I rolled my eyes. He was a scout for maybe a week. His honor didn’t mean shit.
Clumsily, I took off my shoes and jeans. “Here,” I warned before I threw my panties over the curtain. “I am too sober for this,” I nagged, trying to put my skinny jeans back on.
“Let’s do celebratory shots!” Jaemin suggested, balling up my undergarments, hiding them in his pocket. “We deserve it,” he added, landing me a helping hand when I was stepping out of the shower.
“Let’s go.”
***
Needless to say, Jaemin won the bet.
Unfortunately, it meant the inevitable end of our fake relationship. It was fun when it lasted, and though I’d miss these times, it was time to set the record straight.
As we had discussed, we had to arrange our break up.
Sometime next week, Jaemin stopped by to give me half of the prize. Since the boys had been stupid enough to fall for our little charade, I received a large sum of money. It was Chenle who sponsored the prize. Because of that, I didn’t feel particularly sorry about deceiving them. After all, Chenle was so loaded; he wouldn’t notice if he lost that kind of money on the street. I could finally buy these shoes which I had been dreaming of for so long! Better yet, I'd still have some money left to spoil myself some more.
“How should we do it?” Jaemin asked quietly. Ever since he came, he avoided my gaze, staring at the floor.
“I don’t know,” I unwillingly answered. This conversation was the last thing I wanted to do right now, but it had to be done. Better sooner or later, before I’d catch some real feelings for Jaemin. I had no idea how I would pick up the pieces of my broken heart if we kept this act any longer. “Let’s just delete all posts we published. Someone will figure out something’s wrong, and when they spread the word, we’ll explain we decided to remain friends.”
Maybe I wasn’t in tears, but I felt regret wash through me. Though our relationship had never been a real thing, it felt like it.
And it hurt.
“Alright then,” Jaemin complied, rubbing his hands against his thighs before he pulled out his phone to erase any digital footprint of our brief romance. His thumb hovered over the delete button for a while. After a few moments of hesitation, when he didn’t hear any sign of protest from my side, he pressed it, sending our memories to a bottomless void. “And it’s gone.”
“Are we cool?” I asked, hoping that nothing would change between us. I had a hunch it would take me some time to get used to how things had been before the relationship fiasco. Nonetheless, I still had hope we could remain best friends without any awkwardness.
“Of course,” Jaemin answered with a faint smile, but I didn’t fully believe him. Something was off, and it bothered us. Shame that none of us dared to begin this topic.
After he left that day, we saw each other very seldom. We barely even spoke to one another. If it wasn’t for the group chats we were both in, we wouldn’t talk at all.
Jaemin had said we were cool, but it was evident we weren’t.
It was eating me from the inside out, but whenever somebody asked me about the break-up, I’d always shrug it off, confirming everything’s great. I would tell our friends nothing changed between us. There was nothing wrong; our schedules are just incompatible these days.
When I had pretended I was in a relationship with Jaemin, it was easy. It came naturally, and everyone ate it up without any second thoughts. Unfortunately, now, when I was trying to play it cool, no one seemed to buy it. Thankfully, they didn’t confront me about it. Instead, they offered me their support if I ever needed anything.
In my head, I had a few wild scenarios in which I tell Jaemin we should date for real. However, at the same time, a little devil on my shoulder was telling me it should never leave the realm of fantasy. It’s ridiculous to think Jaemin would reciprocate my feelings.
I felt as if sadness took over my body. Though I was smiling on the outside, I was filled with regret. Barely anything sparked joy these gloomy days. Even this pair of shoes, which I wanted so badly, didn’t stir any positive emotion. I bought them, but I never took them out of the box.
Jiwoo had taken me out on a few girls’ nights to make me feel better. Men are trash – she would always say when Jaehyun ignored her yet another text. Even though they had fucked each other at Jaehyun’s birthday party and agreed to become exclusive, Jaehyun still had lots of problems committing to a monogamous relationship. They hadn’t officially labeled it, but everyone knew Jaehyun was slowly caving in.
Fratboys’ habits die hard, but Jaehyun was finally shaping himself into boyfriend material. He no longer slept around, as far to my knowledge at least, but he still lacked in some departments. For instance, it would take him way too much to text back.
“You were so adorable together,” Jiwoo began after she gulped down another rum and coke. Despite her high alcohol tolerance, she was already drunk, speaking with no filter. “I mean… you were simping for him for so long, and you finally managed to jump that dick.”
“Your point being…” I inquired, finishing my drink. Though Jaemin and I had never had sex, I didn’t want to admit that. What would Jiwoo thought if I told her it was all-pretend?
“I shipped you guys so hard,” Jiwoo confessed. “Ten shipped you too, but he will never admit that,” she added, and I giggled. Now, that was an interesting take. Ten was so random at many aspects of life; it came to me as a surprise he even had an opinion on my relationship with Jaemin. “Can I just take some duck tape and put my ship back together?”
“I am not sure Jaemin would like that,” I answered with a sigh, my mood instantly decreasing.
“Nonsense,” Jiwoo replied in a heartbeat. “This guy is even worse than you,” she revealed, and I rolled my eyes, not buying this. At least a few times a week, at my lowest moments, I happened to check Jaemin’s social media updates. He didn’t seem to mope around at all.
“I find it hard to believe,” I muttered, trying not to get too emotional.
“I mean it,” Jiwoo confirmed her previous statement, eager to explain her thesis. “Jaehyun and I went on a little date to the coffee shop where Jaemin works,” she started, and I nodded, not really sure what she was getting at. Nonetheless, I let her continue. I was curious what Jaemin had been up to. And since he didn’t seem to want to tell me anything himself, I’d accept any type of second-hand information from Jiwoo. “Jaemin misses you. You have no idea how many times I caught him daydreaming. He still has your photo set on his lock screen, and he stares at it a lot.”
Now, that’s interesting.
I had no recollection of Jaemin ever setting my photo as his background picture. Even if Jiwoo was right, it meant he set after we had broken up. It made no sense at all, and I was too drunk to try to comprehend the meaning of this.
Instead, I ordered another round, trying to stifle all the brooding emotions within me.
***
February was the month of parties. Too many birthdays fell during this hectic period, and I had trouble keeping up with them. Fortunately, Ten’s party was the last one of the month. After a small get together at our place, I’d have some time off to relax by myself, most preferably, without alcohol.
Being the semi-hosts with Jiwoo, it was our duty to help Ten organize everything regarding his party. Though our trio was a little bit disorganized, somehow, we managed to get everything ready before anyone arrived.
Maybe it wasn’t comparable to birthday parties at fraternity houses; it still had its charm. It wasn’t as wild, but guests still were having a great time in the company of their closest friends. However, what was the most important, Ten had a blast.
It was his day; he deserved everything he wanted.
Trying my best not to embarrass Ten, I decided to socialize with his friends.
It was time I move on. It took me way too long to mourn a relationship that wasn’t even real. I couldn’t let my brooding mood ruin the party.
“Hmm… Ten has never mentioned you before,” I confessed, not finding it particularly odd. Ten didn’t have secretive nature; he just wasn’t the type of person to over-share. And he often forgot to even mention stuff about his personal life.
“I can’t say I am surprised,” Hendery replied, making me giggle. It was fun chatting with him. Hendery was hilarious, and he knew many secrets regarding Ten. It was my mission to get as much information from him as it was possible. I would need it for blackmailing purposes, of course.
Hiding out in the kitchen, we sipped beer and exchanged rumors as if we were two gossip girls. It was too entertaining to stop. I was incredibly immersed in the conversation; I didn’t even realize when someone tapped my shoulder.
“Can we talk?” I heard the question, recognizing the voice in an instant. It belonged to Jaemin, and it seemed to be laced with both jealousy and irritation. The way he phased his plea gave me flashbacks of the conversation we had at Jaehyun’s party.
I really wanted to continue my discussion with Hendery, but I couldn’t say no to Jaemin. It wasn’t how my brain was programmed. Besides, I missed him a lot.
“Excuse me, I’ll be right back,” I told Hendery before I grabbed Jaemin’s hand, leading him to my room, locking the doors behind us.
“Nothing was supposed to change,” Jaemin started as he sat at the edge of my bed, leaning forward with his upper body propped on his elbows. His gaze was trained on the floor, too frustrated to look up at me.
“I know,” I whispered as I sat down in my chair on the other side of the room. My first instinct was to kneel in front of Jaemin, kiss his forehead, and assure him that everything’s going to be alright.
Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like a good idea, so I refrained from doing so. “I am sorry, it’s my fault.”
“Don’t,” Jaemin interjected before I embarrassed myself even further. “We’re both at fault.”
Despite the loud party noises coming from the other side of the doors, my bedroom was filled with deafening silence. It was awfully uncomfortable, and it was probably a good thing. One of us would get annoyed eventually and cave in, letting out all the bottled up emotions.
“I missed you,” I admitted, staring at my hands. I was all fidgety, and although I was too embarrassed to reveal my inner feelings, Jaemin deserved to know this much.
“I missed you, too,” he genuinely confessed, showing me a shy smile. “Actually, I missed you more than I thought it was possible to miss a person,” Jaemin carried on, and I held my breath, not ready to hear whatever he had to say. “You have no idea how much I wanted to text you or call you, but ultimately decided not to because I was sure you don’t want me to.”
“Jaemin,” I spoke, not really sure what I should say next. I had too many things I wanted to tell him about. However, now when he was here, I couldn’t properly voice my thoughts.
“Are you dating this guy you were talking to in the kitchen?” Jaemin asked out of the blue, catching me off guard with this random accusation. “Or do you want to date him? You two looked like you’re having a great time together,” he added, and I rolled my eyes. At first, Jaemin acted on his jealously, but then, insecurity crept in.
“I don’t know. I met Hendery today, but he seems like a great guy,” I answered honestly, thinking of possibilities of me trying to pursing something of romantic nature with Hendery. After our brief encounter, I could tell he’s fun to be around. And honestly speaking, I might’ve considered dating him if I hadn’t already had feelings for someone else.
Unfortunately, right now, I wasn’t in the right state of mind to date. Not when I was still hung up on my best friend.
“I probably won’t, though. I like somebody else,” I confessed, gaining Jaemin’s interest. Instantly, he sat up, staring into my eyes, patiently waiting for the reveal. “I am stupid, but I like this one guy. He’s such a jerk, I can’t even… he’s been ghosting me for weeks now,” I carried on, hoping Jaemin would get the hint.
Two weeks ago, we promised each other nothing would change. Despite our good intentions, it did. Even though I hadn’t told Jaemin how I really felt, I still lost my best friend.
My silence didn’t save this friendship. I tried to bottle up my emotions to secure our unbreakable bond. It didn’t work, so I figured confessing my feelings wouldn’t do any more harm. Surely, Jaemin was going to reject me, but at least, I’d clear the air between us.
Hopefully, my confession, followed by a harsh rejection, would help me move on.
Instantly, Jaemin ran up to my chair and knelt in front of me, trying to look into my eyes. “Please tell me this jerk is me,” Jaemin urgently spoke, unable to handle any more suspense. Jaemin’s gaze was hopeful, and it was too much for me to comprehend.
“What?” I asked, still being overwhelmed by confusion. What was going on? Why was Jaemin on his knees in front of me? Nothing made sense. How was I supposed to wrap my head around it? “I mean… yeah, it’s you. Who else could it be?”
“You have no idea how sorry I am,” Jaemin confessed as he grabbed my hand and yanked me against his chest, wrapping his arms around me, giving me a tight hug. “You could’ve said something… anything,” he added as he pulled back his head, placing a chase kiss against my forehead.
“I didn’t want to scare you away,” I admitted quietly, unable to break free from Jaemin’s cone-crashing embrace. I couldn’t believe he was so close. Na Jaemin was holding me in his arms, letting me listen to his rapid heartbeat.
“The worst two weeks of my life,” Jaemin spoke, once again breaking the silence. “It felt at least like two centuries,” he added, making me chuckle. Of course, it was an exaggeration, but it’s how I felt, too.
“How about we start over?” I proposed, taking a step backward to have a proper look at him. “Will you go on a date with me? This time around for real, no pretending,” I carried on, trying not to grin like an idiot.
“No.”
“What?”
What the fuck was that?
Did I misunderstand Jaemin’s words? I thought he felt the same, but apparently, he didn’t? Everything suggested he followed my flow only to crush my expectations, later on, leaving a big ass scar and more trust issues.
“I mean yes, but I should be me asking you out. Definitely not the other way around,” Jaemin clarified, making me relax. Thankfully, my mini panic attack was uncalled for. It was just my brain over-analyzing everything, conjuring the worst possible scenario.
“Then you better do your best to woo me,” I teased, wondering if he was willing enough to take the bait. It was just a mere joke, reminding me how it all began. He had wooed me once, and I wasn’t going to oppose to a second attempt. “Fun dates, romantic messages, silly gifts. I want it all,” I added, going a little bit overboard with my request list.
“Everything can be arranged,” Jaemin replied with a lopsided smile before he tightened his grip, almost crashing my bones in the process.
***
Jaemin and I began dating. This time around, it was real; no more pretending, no more stupid bets. Just two people who had discovered friendship could never be enough.
Even though I had told Jaemin I was just joking about this whole wooing thing, he refused to accept it, going to extreme lengths to make my heart flutter. I was already stupidly in love with him, yet he kept trying to make me swoon even more.
Despite our busy schedules, we made sure to see each other every day. It could’ve been a date at the arcade or just a quick coffee or a video call. In all honestly, I gladly accepted any form of contact from Jaemin.
I hated the prospect of going through a day without any message from him.
Except for many mini and maxi dates, Jaemin would also spoil me with plenty of encouraging notes of many kinds. Each massage from Jaemin was even sillier from the previous one. He never ceased to amaze me.
At first, Jaemin would stick post-it notes in different places in my room. Whenever I paid no attention, he would quickly write one for me to find it later. Whenever I saw sleep tight message stuck to my bedpost or you looked extra sexy today attached to the mirror, I smiled like an idiot, imaging Jaemin writing it.
If Jaemin forgot about post-it notes, he would always make it up to me by sending me corny direct messages. We would always text each other before sleep, and Jaemin never failed to make me smile with words such as:
If you happen to have wet dreams of me, you gotta tell me everything that happened. We can recreate it later.
I saw some sexy lingerie on my way home. Your ass would look amazing in it. I’m gonna buy it for you when I get my paycheck.
You’re the reason I wake up in the morning. Just kidding, I have to pee.
Whenever we went out, Jaemin would also scribble something either on a napkin or on a receipt. One time, Jaemin even gave a crumbled piece of paper that he was carrying in his pocket for some reason.
You know I’d give you my kidney, right? And a piece of the liver if you ask nicely. I hope you would do the same for me.
When we have kids, I’ll let you name the first one. Don’t fuck it up.
You’re my favorite pain in the ass.
You are stuck with me. You better get used to it.
Messy notes weren’t sufficient for Jaemin. Although I was more than content with the attention and affection he was giving me, it wasn’t enough for Jaemin. With each massage, he had to out-do himself.
Jaemin even wrote me a song! Or at least, he tried to write me a song.  It was really bold of him to assume I didn’t know the lyrics to Jonas Brothers’ Sucker. I loved this song, and even though I perfectly knew it wasn’t Jaemin’s piece of work, I still appreciated the gesture.
Later on, his love letters reached another level of ridiculousness. Jaemin sent me a love e-mail, and if that doesn’t prove how extra he can get, I don’t know what can.
Jaemin didn’t stop there. No, it was just a warm-up.
When I was checking the mailbox, I found a paper plane stuck in between bills. Jaemin must’ve put it there, probably after one of his frequent visits to my apartment. Though the paper plane was a little bit crumbled, I found it incredibly adorable. On its wing, it had “open me” written with Jaemin’s messy handwriting. Inside there was a corny message that turned my insides in absolute cringe.
Your wings already exist. All you have to do is fly.
A few days later, Jaemin gave me a CD with the love playlist he had made for me. Carefully, he had chosen our favorite songs and burned them on a disc. I had no means to actually play it, but I adored the gesture.
Jaemin’s creativity did not disappoint. At this point, he might send me a love letter via a fax machine, and I wouldn’t be surprised. There were no limitations to his imagination, and it was one of the many things I loved about him.
Neither of us dropped the L-bomb yet, but we really didn’t need to. Though that dreaded word has yet to be spoken, we perfectly knew how we felt about each other. We would do anything for one another; no doubt in that.
Having exceeded my expectations, Jaemin proved himself worthy of being my boyfriend. Or rather, he showed me he was way out of my league. When he was bending over backward, I was passively basking in the glory of Jaemin’s confessions. Relationships were about giving and taking, and it seemed our balance was off.
It was time we switched roles. It was only fair if I tried to creep my way into his heart the way he had been wooing mine.
As soon as I cleaned up the apartment and pampered myself a little bit, I pulled out my phone, quickly texting Jaemin. Hopefully, he wasn’t that busy.
my love 💖 | 18:12 | U want to come over?
baNANA 🍓 | 18:16 | 😏
baNANA 🍓 | 18:16 | You miss me???
my love 💖 | 18:17 |  🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡
my love 💖 | 18:17 | nvm forget I asked
baNANA 🍓 | 18:17 | 😧 😧 😧
baNANA 🍓 | 18:18 | I’ll be in an hour
baNANA 🍓 | 18:18 | want me to bring anything?
my love 💖 | 18:19 | nah, just get your cute butt over here
baNANA 🍓 | 18:19 | ?????
baNANA 🍓 | 18:19 | are you high??
baNANA 🍓 | 18:19 | should I be concerned?
Okay, I had an hour to prepare something for our impromptu date. It was fine; it was more than enough than I needed. The apartment was already clean, so I just had to whip something to eat and cool the bubbles.
For some reason, I felt in a celebratory mood. Whatever tempo Jaemin and I had, it worked in two week periods. We had fake-dated for fourteen days before we called it quits. Then, we didn’t talk to each other for two weeks. Tonight another period came by, and I wanted to celebrate it, hoping to break the unfortunate chain of bad luck.
The alcohol was already in the refrigerator. Having put on an apron, I opened all the cabinets around the kitchen, quickly analyzing the ingredients and what I can make out of them. It wasn’t much, but pasta would have to be enough.
It wasn’t a fancy dish, but I was made it with love, so Jaemin shouldn’t have any complaints. Pouring my emotions into the pasta was to make it extra flavorful.
When the sauce was slowly cooking on the stove, I decorated the table. I wanted to provide Jaemin with some high-end restaurant experience despite being in my cramped apartment. It was the best thing out of two words; we had all privacy in the world offered by a homely atmosphere, but at the same time, we would eat some beautifully garnished food.
Just when I was about to drain the pasta, someone knocked on the doors.
“Coming,” I hollered before I put the pot in the sink, wiping my hands on the apron before making my way to answer the doors. “Hey there, beautiful,” I greeted Jaemin with a playful remark, standing on my toes to press a brief smooch on his adorable lips. It took him off guard, but in some sense, he liked it.
“Hey, it’s my line,” Jaemin nagged when his hands found purchase on my hips, bringing me closer for another kiss since one was never enough. “What do you have there? It smells delicious,” Jaemin turned his head, trying to peek inside to see what surprise I had prepared for him.
“You know, just some carbs,” I answered vaguely, sending him a playful smirk, not wanting to ruin the surprise. I wanted him to sit down at the table and wait for me to bring the whole dish and pour us some cheap champagne.
Jaemin took off his shoes, kicking them to the side. A second later, he handed me his coat, and I put it on the hanger. Jaemin was wearing a pair of gray jeans and a mint oversized hoodie, and I drooled over this comfortable look. He didn’t have to try hard to impress me.
“Just wait here. I’ll be back in a sec,” I spoke when I guided Jaemin to the table, forcing him to sit down in the chair. Jaemin wanted to help me out in the kitchen, but I firmly refused. Tonight I wished to impress Jaemin; he didn’t have to move a finger.
“I know it’s not much, but I hope you’ll still like it,” I whispered when I put a plate in front of him. “Dig in,” I added as I sat on the other side of the table, carefully trying to pop the champagne bottle open. Though I hated doing it, too afraid of breaking something or hurting someone, tonight I wanted to try it.
“What’s the occasion,” Jaemin wondered as he fondly watched me fight with the bottle. “Do you need some help? You’re gonna hurt yourself,” Jaemin offered, genuinely concerned about my safety. However, I just turned around, wanting to finish it by myself.
It took me good five minutes to pop it. And when I finally did it, Jaemin gave me a round of pitiful applause, officially declaring it’s his job from now on.
“It was just painful to watch,” Jaemin playfully commented, and I kicked his shin under the table, showing him how much appreciated his remark was. “So… what’s the occasion?”
“Do I really need to have a reason to spoil my boyfriend?” I innocently asked, batting my eyelashes, and Jaemin smiled at the word boyfriend. We had never discussed labels, but it was self-explanatory we were in a loving relationship. “I figured it’d be nice to give you some more attention,” I absentmindedly added as I reached for my phone to play some soft EDM music through the Bluetooth speaker.
“Is that it?” Jaemin wondered, gazing into my eyes, searching for any ulterior motive I might have. “Are you sure you’re not trying to butter me up before you say something I may not like? What did you do?” Jaemin inquired, and I chuckled loudly.
“Calm down, Na,” I spoke, making Jaemin look up at me once again. I only called him by his surname when I was extra affectionate, so he was curious what I was going to say. “I just wanted to hang out with you. That’s all,” I confessed, but Jaemin scrutinized his eyes, not really buying my innocent talk. “Okay, fine. There’s one more thing.”
“What is it?” Jaemin inquired, grinning at me.
“Can’t you already tell? I am trying to woo my way into your pants, duh,” I confessed, and Jaemin choked on his champagne as he did not expect this wording. “Your heart! I meant to say into your heart,” I corrected when I realized my little Freudian slip. “Wait, no, screw it. I second that. I want to get into both.”
“You’ve already got into one,” Jaemin declared with a lopsided smirk pinned to his face. “But... if you don’t suspect it already, you’re welcome in both,” he added mischievously, taking a sip of his alcohol. I, on the other hand, looked away, feeling the heat in my cheeks.
“Good to know.”
“Where are Jiwoo and Ten by the way?” Jaemin wondered as he looked around the apartment, finding it suspicious they didn’t crash our date yet. Under typical circumstances, Jiwoo or Ten would haul another chair to the table and steal the food, third-wheeling our date.
“Ten is at the dance studio. He’s having a dance competition next week, so he goes there every time he has some free time to practice. And Jiwoo is with Jaehyun. He came here to pick her up a few hours ago. I don’t think either of them is coming home anytime soon,” I explained, smirking. We had the place to ourselves.
Finally, we could bask in each other’s company without any intrusive guests.
“I’d like to cheers to that,” Jaemin raised his glass, clinking it gently against mine.
Having eaten the food, we moved to the couch.
“What now?” Jaemin asked as he stretched his arm, resting it on the back of the couch right over my shoulders.
“I have one more surprise,” I announced before I jumped to my feet. “Wait a second,” I added before bolting to my bedroom.
“What is it?” Jaemin inquired, having no clue what else I could surprise him with. “What do you have there?” He pressed, tilting his head to the side, trying to see what I was hiding behind my back.
“Let’s take some pictures,” I announced in excitement, showing him my Polaroid camera. “I finally bought some film, and I really want our photo in my wallet,” I added as I plopped down onto the couch, resting my head against Jaemin’s chest. “You take it,” I ordered, handing him the camera. After all, he was the prodigy of photography. Besides, his hands were longer than mine.
“I think that’s more than enough,” Jaemin spoke after snapping the twelfth picture.
Having put the camera on the coffee table, he wrapped his arms around me. Jaemin pulled me on his laps, embracing me tightly, placing a round of pecks against my temple.
“Wait! One more thing,” I hollered, leaning forward to reach for the envelope which was lying on the coffee table next to our photos.
“You can’t say it’s the last thing and then bring another one. That’s not how it works,” Jaemin nagged, a little flustered that I managed to find another excuse when he wanted to cuddle. “Who are you? A fitness instructor? When you say it’s the last one, it should be the last one. You can’t come up with new ones every three minutes.”
“I promise it’s the last one,” I sat cross-legged on the couch beside him, handing him the envelope. Cautiously, he pulled the card out of it, and I looked at him, studying his expression in excitement.
“Annoyingly, I like you way more than I’d originally planned,” Jaemin read the cover of the card, smiling widely at the passive-aggressive message. “It’s already good, and I didn’t even read what you wrote inside,” he commented before he leaned forward to kiss my forehead. “I don’t get it,” he added in confusion as he saw the blank page inside the card.
“It’s my love letter for you,” I clarified, but Jaemin was still clueless.
“It’s a blank page. You really have that little to say?” Jaemin asked, trying to make sense out of my card.
“That’s not how you were supposed to interpret that!” I yelled, climbing on his laps, wanting to tear the card out of his ungrateful hands. Unfortunately, Jaemin’s hands were longer than mine, so even when I was hovering over his thighs, I couldn’t reach it.
“How was I supposed to interpret that then?” Jaemin challenged, holding my hips, forcing them down on his laps.
“I wanted to write something meaningful, but I just couldn’t decide what. I have so many things I want to tell you, it wouldn’t even fit on the card,” I started, trying to find the best way to form a coherent sentence. “One way to interpret it is that you have to imagine it’s written in a very tiny font. Because I have so much to tell you, I wrote everything down, but you just can’t read it.”
“I like it,” Jaemin whispered, pressing a gentle kiss against my knuckles.
“Or you can say it’s blank because whenever I’m with you, my head is completely empty,” I added, chuckling at the corny confession. “Or you can assume there are no words to describe my feelings for you.”
“How is it possible that without writing anything, you managed to top all of my love letters?” Jaemin wondered, smiling at me. “What kind of sorcery is this?”
“No, Jaemin. You’re not giving yourself enough credit. I loved your love letters. They were silly, but at the same time, I could feel you really meant everything,” I reasoned, looking down at Jaemin’s lips, slowly leaning in for a delicate kiss.
“Okay, I have an idea,” Jaemin suddenly spoke as he grabbed my butt and threw me off his laps. “I need a pen,” he added, looking around the living room, finding the pen on the coffee table. In a hurry, he scribbled down something on the blank page of the card, making sure I couldn’t peek. “Here, I found my way to interpret it.”
“Oh?”
“Yes,” Jaemin answered confidently, handing me the card. “Read it out loud for me.”
“Okay, I guess,” I cleared my throat before I opened the card. “My beloved Jaemin,” I read, looking at Jaemin’s face with a raised eyebrow. This was going to be good.
“Carry on,” he urged, and I shook my head, unable to believe I was going to do it.
“You’re the most handsome man I have ever seen. You’re also the smartest and the funniest. Not to mention, you’re the best kisser in the world. What the fuck is this?” I interjected, having doubts, knowing it was a bad idea.
“Just keep reading, babe,” Jaemin ordered, wanting me to carry on with his antics. “Though you’re no poet, it’s, by a huge margin, the best love letter I have ever received,” he added, blowing his ego way out of proportion, and I rolled my eyes.
“Now, when I look at you, I understand there’s not a chance I wouldn’t fall for you. So, since there’s not much space left, I just wanna tell you that I love you. I really love you, Jaemin.”
Before I managed to complain that he forced me to say the L-word first, Jaemin interjected.
“Finally, took you long enough,” he teased, and I sighed, wondering where to hit him first. “As if you haven’t figured it out yet, I love you, too.”
“You’re impossible,” I commented, still not quite sure if we just confessed to each other.
“I’m impossible not to fall in love with,” Jaemin corrected, once again hauling me back on his laps, taking my breath away with a fervent kiss. “How about you show me how you want to get into my pants, babe?”
Having had enough of Jaemin’s teasing, I decided not to comply with his request.
“I think you should go.”
“You’re right,” Jaemin agreed too quickly, and it made me alert. “Let’s go to your room because once I start pounding into you, I will not stop even if a group of nuns was about to break in and steal all of your shit,” he added as he picked me up, carrying me to my bedroom.
“You’re impossible,” I repeated my words when Jaemin threw me onto my bed before he landed on it right beside me.
“I think we’ve already discussed this,” he remarked, reminding me of the remark he had given me earlier. “So… where were we?” Jaemin asked as he put his hand on my side, pulling me closer. Soon enough, his palm slipped under the hem of my shirt, caressing my skin.
“Is it weird that the only thing I can think about is you eating me out?” I wondered out loud, stripped of all remains of dignity. Jaemin was in my bed, and I was planning on taking full advantage of it.
“Not at all, love,” Jaemin replied, showing me his eager smile. Quickly, he sat on his calves between my legs, taking his time to take off my jeans. “I thought about eating you out way too often ever since that thing in the bathroom,” Jaemin confessed as he threw my jeans across the room.
Though my panties were still on, Jaemin began his teasing. His soft lips trailed across my thighs, driving me crazy. His lips touched every inch of my skin except for the area I wanted the most. At this point, my panties were dripping wet, yet he didn’t even think of pulling them to the side, giving attention to my much-ignored core.
“You’re killing me,” I whispered, slowly losing patience. If Jaemin kept up with his antics, I’d combust out of sexual frustration. “Bold of you to assume I won’t let you taste your own medicine,” I warned Jaemin. It worked because as soon as I voiced my mischievous threat, Jaemin’s finger hooked under the hem of my panties, quickly pulling them down my legs.
“You’re no fun at all,” Jaemin clarified before his lips finally landed on my clit, making me buckle my hips in an instant. Slowly, his mouth moved against my sweet spot, and I arched my back with each swirl of his tongue.
Though he barely started, I could feel the electricity coursing through my body. In my state of permanent frustration, it wouldn’t be difficult for Jaemin to make me come against his mouth.
Getting into it, Jaemin squeezed my hips, trying to keep me still when he ate me out. His jaw was dripping in my juices as he made his way down to lick my folds.
“Fuck,” I moaned loudly when Jaemin’s nose rubbed my clit when he was running his tongue all over my entrance. “I think I am gonna come,” I admitted what made Jaemin smirk through the kiss. Jaemin barely touched me, but I was already close.
“Come for me,” Jaemin urged, releasing my hips from his firm grip. Now when I could buckle my hips against his face, my orgasm was just seconds away. With my hand in his hair, I rocked my hips, basking in pleasure.
“I need your fingers,” I begged, and Jaemin quickly obeyed my shameful plea. I expected him to tease me further, denying me his long fingers, but he was kind enough to do anything to make me come.
Thanks to my juices and Jaemin’s saliva, his two fingers slid right in.
“Fuck,” I shouted at the top of my voice when the wave of pleasure shot right through me. Jaemin’s jaw still played with my clit as he continued his actions throughout the orgasm.
“You blew my mind, Jaemin,” I muttered after I regained my focus after he had made me come on his face. “I came so hard,” I confessed, smiling like an idiot. It was way too long ever since someone made me feel this good.
“You better get used to it because I am planning this to be a frequent occurrence,” Jaemin whispered, looking at my face as if it was an art piece. “Do you have condoms?” he casually asked as he pulled down his jeans. His erected cock was restrained in the denim fabric, and Jaemin needed to get rid of it.
“As a matter of fact, I do,” I replied as I opened the bedside table and threw a brand new package of condoms at Jaemin’s chest. “Jiwoo got me those after she walked on our pillow fight the other day. Apparently, she doesn’t want any cum stains on the couch.”
For a while, we were lying on the bed, staring at each other. Jaemin gave me some time to recover from my orgasm. According to him, I needed to take breaks because he didn’t want to over-stimulate me too soon.
“I really love you,” Jaemin confessed genuinely, and I quickly rolled closer to him, giving him another chase smooch. His confession was music to my ears, and I could listen to it on repeat without getting tired of it.
“I love you, too,” I quickly replied, leaning in for another kiss. With his hand on my cheek, he deepened the kiss, giving us another chance to get lost in the love trance.
Having thrown my leg over his hipbone, I hovered over his erection.
“Let me take care of you,” I said as I pulled away from the kiss. With a playful smirk upon my face, I grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. Slowly after, my bra followed suit, and Jaemin grunted upon seeing me completely naked in front of him.
“Sexy,” he purred before he eagerly took off his hoodie, throwing it onto the floor. “On a second thought, maybe you should put something on. You’re too sexy, and I’d like to last longer,” Jaemin explained, handing me his hoodie so I could cover myself up. “No, it’s even worse. Take it off,” he changed his mind after seeing me in his clothes.
Carefully, I pulled Jaemin’s boxers down his legs, letting his rock hard cock spring free. Biting on my lips, I grabbed his erection, giving it a few gentle strokes.
“Fuck it, I am ready,” Jaemin yelled, placing his hand over mine, making me stop. “You have all the time in the world to blow me. Right now, I want to feel you,” he added, quickly pulling out a condom from its packaging.
“Let me at least roll it down for you,” I offered, and Jaemin sighed, weighing his options.
“Nah, I am not willing to take that risk,” Jaemin answered, proceeding to wrap his cock by himself. “Now, come here, sit down on it,” he urged, and I shook my head. Smiling like an idiot, I guided his cock towards my entrance, slowly sinking down on his length.
“You’re good?” I asked, trying to guess what was going on inside his brain. Judging by his sour expression, he must’ve been thinking about something terrible in order to stop himself from coming too soon.
“Yes, everything’s cool,” he reassured, and I took it as permission to gently rock my hips back and forth. Whenever I moved, Jaemin kept grunting quietly. Apparently, he also suffered from sexual frustration.
My hands were wandering all over his muscular chest, admiring his athletic built. My hips were moving at a steady rhythm, but whenever I happened to increase the tempo, Jaemin would slow me down with a firm grip on my hips.
“If you keep doing that, I might spank you,” Jaemin warned me, but it only made me want to disobey more. “Why did I even expect you to be a good girl?” Jaemin asked, rolling his eyes.
“Spank me,” I ordered, trying my best not to chuckle. “I dare you,” I added, pushing the right buttons. “Like that,” I moaned when Jaemin’s hand collided against my butt, shaking me with newfound excitement.
“You’re impossible,” Jaemin comment, still in shock after discovering how much into spanking I happened to be.
“I’m impossible not to fall in love with,” I remarked, using Jaemin’s own words against him.
Unable to handle my teasing, Jaemin sat up. “I love you so much,” Jaemin stated once again before he looked at my lips, kissing them. Now, when I was distracted by his tongue, it was easier for him to control my movement.
In our upgraded position, I significantly slowed down. Carefully, I moved up and down Jaemin’s cock, while he sneaked his hand between our entangled bodies, rubbing my clit. I was close, and I was about to come again.
I didn’t know what he was so self-conscious about. No doubt I would come first.
“Jaemin, I am coming,” I breathed out, messing up my rhythm. It was difficult to maintain the same tempo when Jaemin was playing with my clit. Jaemin’s lips moved down my neck, finding a perfect spot on my collarbone to leave a hickey.
“Me, too,” Jaemin whispered as he began thrusting from underneath me, now desperate to push the both of us off the edge. “You’re so tight, fuck,” he cursed as my walls started to swell around his throbbing cock.
Jaemin moaned against my skin, muffling his sinful sounds. I, on the other hand, screamed Jaemin’s name at the top of my voice, telling everybody in the world he was the person, making me feel this good.
Having fallen onto the sheets, we looked into each other’s eyes. We were panting as if we just ran a marathon. Not that I had any doubts, but Jaemin turned out to be a passionate lover, and it made me love him even more.
“You’re beautiful,” Jaemin complimented me, staring at my face in utter admiration. “I am so lucky,” he added, and I moved closer, snuggling up to him. It was still early, but I was so fucked out, I could fall asleep right there in his arms.
Having pulled me closer to his chest, Jaemin threw a duvet over our sweaty bodies. His fingers were tracing shapes on my shoulder when he pressed yet another peck against my temple.
“Are you down for another round?” Jaemin asked as he discarded the full condom. His cock was still semi-hard. In a few minutes, Jaemin would be ready for some more. “It’s cool if you’re not,” he added, trying not to put any pressure on me.
“I want you to do me all night,” I confessed, looking over my shoulder at the clock. It’s only 8 pm, and I could stay up till daylight with Jaemin.
“Do you want to go bowling tomorrow?” Jaemin asked, and I eagerly nodded. It was fun the last time I had joined the boys on their monthly trip to the bowling alley. Besides, I would be the first woman to break the unfortunate one-time-only curse. I couldn’t wait to show up two months in a row.
“I’d love that,” I answered, snuggling closer to Jaemin’s side.
In content, we basked in happiness until Jaemin regained enough energy to go for the third time. However, this time around, it was slow and steamy. Under the covers, Jaemin crawled on top of me, kissing every inch of my body.
“Do you want to roll it down on me? I think I can handle that,” Jaemin asked, and I reached for the condom, carefully rolling it down his length. “I wish I could fuck you without one, though,” he added, and I flicked his forehead, making him whine. “I’ll pull out.”
“I trust you, but it’s still a no from me,” I replied, guiding his cock into my entrance. Inch by inch, Jaemin pushed himself all the way in. “You fill me up so well,” I praised, purring into his ear. “I love your cock.”
Distance between our bodies was practically nonexistent. Jaemin was slowly snapping his hips, rubbing his pelvic bone against my clit, turning me into a moaning mess. I wouldn’t be surprised if my neighbors called the police because of all the noise coming from my bedroom.
“One day, you’ll let me fuck you raw. I’ll make sure you do,” Jaemin carried on, and I hissed, feeling the approaching orgasm. I didn’t even bother to comment on Jaemin’s statement. I was whipped for him. I knew I wasn’t able to maintain my assertive stance for long. Eventually, I’d cave in, letting him fuck me without a condom. It wasn’t today, though.
“In your dreams, lover boy,” I answered, but Jaemin just giggled, knowing I wasn’t serious.
“You have no idea how many times we’ve done it raw in my dreams,” Jaemin confessed as he picked up his pace, pounding into my pussy, making me moan at the sudden speed. “One day, I’ll tell you all about my fantasies, but right now, I really want this pussy to cream around my cock,” he added, his filthy words making my walls squeeze around his length.
“You wait until I tell you mine,” I challenged with a smirk. If Jaemin thought he was the only one with a dirty mind, he was seriously mistaken. While most of my fantasies were PG-13, there was still a large portion of naughty scenarios. Now, when Jaemin and I were finally together, it would be fun to try to recreate at least some of them.
“You better come because I can’t go much longer,” Jaemin warned me, pounding in and out, chasing his own release. “Fuck,” he yelled, falling on top of me as he shot his load into the condom. His cock twitched inside of me as he moved slowly, riding out his orgasm.
“Jaemin,” I hollered, coming undone underneath him. Despite the other peaks, this orgasm hit me the hardest. For a brief second, my vision turned black as I gave in to the pleasure.
Breathlessly, I lay in the sheets, slowly descending from my high.
“I think all I can do tonight is cuddle,” I commented, feeling too fucked out to engage in any other form of affection. “I don’t think I can walk.”
“It’s okay. I can carry you around the house,” Jaemin answered, finding a solution for my problem. Having pulled his limp cock out of me, Jaemin rolled down another condom, putting it aside.
“What is it?” Jaemin asked as he heard a noise from the living room.
“It sounded as if someone was knocking on the doors,” I spoke, trying to identify the sound. “It must be a courier for Jiwoo. She keeps ordering stuff online. It’s probably the late evening delivery she forgot about. Can you get it?”
“No problem, babe,” Jaemin answered as he put on his jeans, walking around the bed to answer the door.
At first, I wanted to wait for Jaemin in bed. However, it’s been like three minutes, and he didn’t come back, so I found it weird.
Having put on Jaemin’s hoodie and a pair of leggings, I made my way out of the room.
Jaemin was standing by the doors, looking inside a plastic bag. Whatever it was, it smelled like Thai food. Unfortunately, it didn’t explain anything. We were here alone, and we didn’t order anything.
Just when I was about to open my mouth and ask Jaemin what the hell was going on, Ten walked out of his room. It was strange, but I saw him leave, and I didn’t hear him come back.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked angrily, trying to hide my embarrassment. If he was here the whole time, he must’ve heard us having sex.
“I live here, duh,” Ten answered matter-of-factly, choosing not to give me the explanation which I desperately needed. “I think it’s mine,” Ten spoke as he walked up to Jaemin to take his Thai takeout.
Although Jaemin and I were standing in the living room in complete consternation, Ten didn’t seem to pay any attention to it. In front of his bedroom, Ten stopped in his tracks, turning his head to face me.
“Congratulations, by the way,” Ten spoke, making me even more embarrassed. “Three times, wow. It’s impressive. Don’t fuck this up, dear. He’s a keeper,” Ten added, sending me a playful wink before he disappeared inside his room.
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