#It's kept me sane but now...
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She's blue she's gonna eat this guy~
Finished the Tyranid. Only took...half of Christmas Eve and most of Christmas but eh. Do what you gotta do to survive the holidays.
#warhammer 40k#space marines#Tyranid#miniature#miniature painting#My photos suck ass xD I need a light box and better camera#All hand painted even the fire#Ive been having a lot of fun to be honest#It's kept me sane but now...#ORKS ORKS ORKS ORKS ORKS!!!
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Bout that essay titled 'A study of Gortash's twisted love of humanity'- yk what fuck it here goes nothing. Back into a facists megalomaniacs mind we go. Spoiler; this is long.
But first of all; let's do a thought experiment. Let's just assume, for shits and giggles, Gortash's position would've somehow been swapped with any other the other chosen or another Banite:
Let's start with the Banites: if we had gotten anyone except for Gortash Baldur's Gate would've been fucked. Like genuinely. Banites are cruel, vicious, unashamedly gaudy (they suck ass at infiltration missions) and they exploit loopholes perhaps even better than fiends. Any other Banite would've simply reveled in the fear caused by rampant myrkulites and bhaalists and probably stoked that fire by employing some of their own forces. And depending on whether the Zhents join the winning side or not they would've probably used and abused the black network to absolutely dominate trade and potentially choke out every non desirable in the city itself by fun activities such as grand scale slavery, starving an entire city, or simply employing enough mercenaries and some Bhaalist to get the job done. Banites fuck everyone over so hard they usually don't even stop at themselves, and prideful cruel beings who know absolutely no bounds in their desire for power commonly don't hesitate, especially not Banites who thrive in backstabbing. So the other chosen and the grand design are fucked cuz they will most certainly get removed for the sake of someone more desirable the second they somehow irk Banes favourite toy. Which in some specific cases (all of them) would be in 5 minutes flat. If you thought the local nobility was bad just wait until you see a Banite in their natural environment.
Ketheric: Yeah Baldur's Gate is fucked. Ketheric cares about one thing and one thing only; Isobel. And he employs a bunch of sadistic necromancers who have no concept of personal boundaries or consent for that matter, so chances are he'd let them roam freely in Baldur's Gate, making the streets a huting ground for his followers to find prime subjects to perform inhumane experiments on all while he turns a blind eye; either busy trying to get Isobel under his (mind-) control, reviving her or treating a brainless puppet that looks and once was his daughter like his one true solution to decades of grief and fucking up. He wouldn't care about what happens to the city, to the other chosen or even the grand design. He'd follow his gods orders but thats about it and no matter whether that's still Myrkul or Bane; everyone's fucked cuz surpringly the guy who adores lichdom more than life and the other guy who'd rather 'burn everyone's fields than loose' aren't about to give out any orders that will benefit anyone but themselves.
Orin: Another great case of 'yeah Baldur's Gate is fucked'. Orin wants one thing and one thing only: recognition. Preferably from Bhaal but she'd take anyone at this point. The problem about this whole thing is, she's been conditioned and instilled with so much self-loathing my dearest murder princess can't even begin to realise when she's getting shown any sort of adoration anymore and immediately understands it as mockery, see, for example, her butler. Is what I would say if their corpse wasn't chilling in Durges old bedroom. All Orin would do is stage ever grander and more elaborate public massacres and involuntary 'anatomy displays'. Baldur's Gate wouldn't simply be fucked; give her a week, and the majority of it would be dead. This works well for Bhaal, but for anyone else, it would kinda suck. Including the other two of the dead three. And the cult would probably still loathe her simply due to her not being a true Bhaalspawn, so cue Orin's madness reaching an absolute boiling point. She doesn't and would never care for any of the other chosen or the grand design. Unless she's reigned in, she's a utterly loose canon, even more so than she was already, with Gortash or Durge at the helm, respectively.
Now time for my favourite of the reckless murder hobos; Durge. Given the few in game notes we have Durge had a thing for obliteration. Including but not limited to every living being + themselves. So let's just assume Gortash’s cocky upstart charm and Orins assassination attempt didn't work out as planned and they are still the de facto leader but now without any leash. Baldur's Gate is probably obliterated. Alongside whatever else remains of the sword coast. Or Troil. They'd probably also have some weird ass fuck relationship with the brain cuz they already did without being the undisputed leader. And the brain would probably discard the grand design themselves cuz somehow Durge has that effect on things (might be the innate charm magic of Bhaalist priests that they use to convince people to join a literal murder cult). Either way, with Durge not giving a single damn about the other chosen, any plans but Bhaals (or their misunderstood version of it) and a dramatic love for self-obliteration, it may finally be time to remedy the elves' mistake and rip Abeir-Toril apart properly. Ao hates this trick, alongside everyone else, probably including Bhaal himself.
Which is all my longwinded way of saying; Gortash is the lesser evil. In any set of circumstances he displays enough leniency, monster fucker vibes and rationality to somehow keep this ruined, sinking ship from hitting the sea floor immediately. He has enough of a twisted love for humanity left, compared to the others, to a degree that he doesn't blindly follow orders or actively seeks the destruction of everything, let alone 'true' domination the way Bane intends to have it.
But yes, indeed, Gortash performed fucked up and cruel experiments. No doubt about that. And yet it was still on a lesser scale than a mad massive hoard of necromancers could, and his experiments, for the most part, actually yielded results, didn't they? Presumably, the Coginator and the remote control brain mechanism used for the Steelwatch. After all, there are zombies(?) in there, controlling that shit. However, the experiments on loving families were probably one of his selfish indulgences and his sorry attempt at figuring out if he was just born loathsome and his family sucks ass or if that's normal and humanity doesn't deserve a second chance. Or a 30th. FR lore is fucked up.
This is also a great transition to exhibit B of my thesis why Gortash does in fact love or is at the very very very least heavily intrigued by humanity; the sole existence of the Steelwatch. Listen, my guy serves Bane. Bane hates planning. He likes immediate results. So much so he actively pisses off his situationship Bhaal for it. Repeatedly. And he likes fear and tyranny. So what do you think the chances are that the black hand would actually enjoy the thought of a mecha army patrolling the streets of Baldur's Gate, keeping them save, and worst of all, instilling hope in the hearts of the populous, peasants and nobles alike? Yeah, absolutely fucking none. And yet Gortash did that. And he's not even just a regular banite. He's Banes chosen. He carries a part of Bane's divinity within himself. He has the de facto highest position in the local faith. He's Banes favourite toy rn. He's the centre of attention and he still goes out of his way to use things that could 1000% inspire fear and hatred to sow fucking hope and a sense of safety of all things in plain sight? I bet his adorable wrinkly ass that Bane wasn't happy and that even a thousand rituals to redeem his leniency won't save him from getting tortured extra hard for this fuck up. And considering the state of the Banites scriptures we found, and his entire character, Gortash is smart enough to know this is something Bane absolutely loathes. And yet my guy did that.
Another thing is the hive mind. Bane would probably not hate it outright, as its still 'burning the fields' by turning souls illithid, but it's wasted potential. Because there's so many great things you can do with a hivemind and the remote control over people's thoughts and emotions, for example instilling fear and terror the very things Bane loves. But that's, once again, not Gortash plan. If the notes and one of the evil endings is anything to go by the hivemind doesn't trap people in a state of torment, it does the polar opposite. People are happy, enjoying a better, simpler and nicer life. Enjoying an idea of what their life could've been like. They're smiling, happy, enjoying a casual market stroll and the bountiful rewards of the fields. Which is all things that a good Banite should hate and never inflict on someone. AND YET that's presumably Gortashs plan. Create a hivemind where everyone can dream happily and do soulless labour without noticing it while the world goes to absolute shit but the people do not. It's basically noah's arc. It's paradise in hell. The people are 'saved' while the gods continue to fight their petty games, and Gortash alone lords over this perfect dream. Protecting it answer using it to advance further.
Now, about the busts found in his office. Most of them depicted rather unsavoury, cruel people. Except for one. Which honours a self made person who took pity on those who had less. On those considered lesser by the upright and honourable citizens of the Gate. It's weird how, between all those symbols and testaments to cutlery and tyranny, there's still a sliver of empathy, renegade justice and even care for fellow humans imbued, isn't it? And what's even weirder, all of them are found in Gortash's most private place? His own little office hidden far above the grandeur of the throne room and the Fortress, where he sits at the helm, lording over his subjects and scheming his little plans? This is an excellent example of show, don't tell btw. It's hitting you over the head with the implications. But just in case, this might very well be a reflection of Gortashs mind itself and the visible expression of him being incapable of letting go of humanity as a whole, still carrying it somewhere not even that well buried between the resentment and cruelty but out in plain view for everyone curious enough to touch it because what others reason would he have tob'play the benelovent ruler' in a place where no one sees it? Where only his most trusted and fellow Banites mingle?
And, ofc, as I am a durgetash truther, another exhibit. Him fucking Bhaals gore baby and putting a leash on it prematurely. You see, I've already talked about Banes likes and dislikes plenty so it should come as no surprise that the Edgelord Surpreme wouldn't hate carnage wrought upon foolish mortals by idiots who follow lesser gods than himself, since it would still somehow contribute to people being scared and panicking. But Gortash, being the ever faithful fuck up of a Banite, reigns in the Bhaalist and even the Myrkulites enough for that to kinda never really happen. He stopped the carnage from happening altogether, in fact, by giving the others enough scraps to keep them satisfied and from acting out but not enough freedom to fuck up his plans. I mean, heck he was apparently so convincing he managed to get Durge, again, biggest fan of self-obliteration, from going on an apocalyptic rampage cuz 'daddy I like his brain and I don't mean for dinner'. Him doing that actively contributed to preventing another Bhaalspawn crisis, which could've very well happened with Bhaals resurgence and revival, 2.5 loose canons and no ward of a random old guy in sight. But also him providing a clear goal and orders for Ketheric kept the lich from giving in to the sweet release of just not caring at all whatsoever. Everyone had their designated roles and boundaries and that was perhaps the only thing keeping this group of mentally unstable creatures from unleashing an apocalyptic nightmare; which again would've worked in their gods favour and technically didn't need any prevention.
And about the Gondians... Yeah this is gonna sound fucked up, cuz it is, but Gortash is actually treating them exceptionally nice. Their families are actually still alive and its not just a lie he's telling them, we don't actually see anyone getting flayed, strung up or tortured in some other way outright, they actually get to wear clothes and presumably they're fed enough to a degree that most of them can still somewhat work and the collar and the threat of your head exploding does suck but he could've also simply chained them to their work stations but they aren't. Let alone use charms or other beguiling and fucked up magic to force them into complacency. And they're not being resold or redistributed or forced to serve some random ass guy. The Gondians are, from a Forgotten Realms and probably Bane's perspective, treated exceptionally well. As are their families. Still undoubtedly fucked up and kinda sadistic with the whole explosion collar but objectively speaking he's one of the nicer slave masters. And they do allow him to produce the Steel Watchers en mass which once again contributes to the overall safety of Baldurs Gate and its other citizens. Still the lesser evil.
Though to be fair; Gortash also did some things Bane would really celebrate. Like somehow cheating his way into obtaining the Iron Throne, fucking Bhaals favourite and most fucked up """"child"""" and of course, keeping his parents alive and in agony to eternally fuel Banes fear kink. Except, it's only Sally who's afraid. Dravo is basically a blue screen of death personified at this point. He's a hollow, numb husk, isn't he? So somehow this once again doesn't align with Banes goals and Gortash's duty as a Banite. He's fucked it up again. But Gortash could've also simply killed them if all he wanted was revenge. Why go out of your ways, program elaborate scripts into them, keep the very place that testaments his fucked up past in good condition? Because a quick death would be too merciful? But then why is he so quick to turn on Durge if they betray him in a much smaller scale than his parents did. Well, perhaps he chose not to simply kill the very people who prepared Belladonna in the kitchen when he came to visit because he himself still needs them. Because underneath all that rage and spite there's still a broken boy who wants to hear his parents, albeit empty praise, and who wants to prove to them that he can be better? That his useless playing around actually helped better humanity, that he himself helped countess people and made lives better when all they thought he'd be useful as would be a pawn?
So, is it twisted? Yes. Is it rotten? Absolutely. Is it anything you'd consider to be 'conventional'? Absolutely not. But he does hold some wildly fucked up 'love' for humanity, if only as means to a grander goal (that being himself, ofc) or perhaps cuz he's genuinely incapable of letting go. Whether it's that, to spite Raphael, Bane and his parents or someone else, who knows. Probably nobody. But the shit he does is unorthodox and oddly self-sacrificial in a way where I just can't go, 'yeah no he absolutely loathes the sheer existence of the concept'.
I still think it's a missed opportunity he's not trying to build a spelljamming port though. I feel like he would absolutely do that somewhere down the line, if only to limit the black networks influence.
#okay thx for reading enough madman ramblings#i am that meme#yk which one#thats how it looks inside my brain 24/7#also not to expose myself as a weeb but#gortash is literally the light yagami or eren yaeger of baldurs gate#becoming the lesser evil and a genocidal maniac so 'his' people may experience a moment of peace safety and respite#one might even say he shares similarities witn griffith or bondrewd#but i won't cuz i dont need a hatemob to find me#anyway thats it folks#i condensed it nd kept it as sane as i could#don't wanna hit tumblrs letter cap again#been there done that already#yk i could've spent this time working on my longfic and cultivating ideas of how gortash would simultaneously elevate and fuck up the city#if he lived through bg3 cuz i like that idea#but here i am detailing how deranged he is#oh well just gotta keep thinking about the toxic old man yaoi even harder now to make up for it#imagine me going on a madmans ramble like this but for my blorbo#and their fucked up relationship#i rly should do that one day#bg3#enver gortash#bg3 gortash#lord gortash#i just noticed i forgot the orphan pipebomb bit#more on that later ig#also why i'm at it his general approach is similar to calcazar but their motivations are still different#it's hard to put into words without me spinning the argument in my mind for a lil longer but yeah#wouldn't say they're on common ground
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It was an amazing journey! Thank you, Horikoshi Kohei! QWQ
#my art#mha#bnha#midoriya izuku#man.... I've been reading it for almost 10 years now... I guess I started in 2015? damn... it was so long ago#this is the last story from the past that I've kept reading from week to week#but I truly happy that this story was with me in my joyful times and in the darkest keeping me sane and giving me a reason to keep living#already missing you MHA QWQ#o(-(#my hero academia#boku no hero academia
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I love how you draw lineart firstly and seeing you draw your tav is really cute- question is do they have a name or any lore :eyes:
When someone says you are cute :’’>
Hey, I want you to know, Anon, that your message was just on time. This week was…a little rough. And thinking about my Tav (as well as drawing him) was such a great distraction. Thank you!!
And yes, he has a name - Kyran. A lawful good paladin boi and an absolute sunshine for me. As always Im at a loss as to what to tell you about him. This happens to me every time someone asks about my OCs :’’D also i am at that point when I change his lore details few time a day ahahahhh
#didn’t know I am so exhausted until now#sorry Anon I am completely useless atm#but I am very grateful for your ask#you unknowingly inspired me to draw him and this kept me sane for past few days#✨💖✨#replies#bg3 tav#my ocs#my art
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Mass Effect Legendary Edition / Francesca, Hozier: Ashley Williams & Kaidan Alenko for @deannastrois (insp)
Ashley Consistency Project
Ashley's Guardian Armory
Alliance Uniform Consistency
Ashley's Armor
Ashley's Hair
Ashley's LE3 Armors
Ashley's armor texture
Kaidan Alenko Overhaul
Kaidan Alenko's Andromeda Armory
Kaidan's LE3 Armors
Play as Padme Amidala
#mass effect#ashley williams#kaidan alenko#wilenko#willenko#mass effect mods#masseffectedit#dailygaming#gamingedit#dailyvideogames#videogameedit#vgedit#edain's edits#this took me SO LONG#i did not need to do so much but it was a whole lotta fun learning new things#im going to schedule this b/c its late and i know im gonna wake up tmrw and hate it#tried to make it ambigious as to whos speaking (they're both speaking)#special thanks to the padme mod for keeping me sane#it was fun playing dress up with her while i was gathering footage#*all the mods really -- it wouldn't be the same w/o them tbh#i redid that last gif 3 times b/c i kept messing up the txt in the 2nd part but im satisfied now
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save me officer kenny, save me /
based on that one manga panel that i fear may be burnt into into my mind, thanks
this one
#kenjaku#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#my art#that one panel of him dressed in it changed my brain chemistry thanks#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#kenjaku fanart#how do i tag art#i feel like i don’t have enough tags when i tag my writing#but now i’m like huh#officer geto#idk i’m just doodling at this point#what is my style#geto#i learned i dislike drawing collars#aaaaa#artists on tumblr#fanart#officer kenjaku#geto jjk#IGNORE THE COLLAR IGNOREEEEE#sane tagging#officer kenny#sneakily cropped because his shoulder kept bothering me 💀#nvm his shoulder is staying we real w that#we will pretend he is slightly turned
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the things remote control has done to me
#atatakakunaru#piece a part#hoshinouta kaz#kaz hoshinouta#look i already Know no one here is gonna know abt atnr#but i will say this guy has singlehandled kept me sane during the ml drought and remocon just . did things to me#carry on .#also im probably gonna use that watermark from now on#half bc fuck a/i and half bc it just looks cool#myart
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my old trolls fanart from 2020
#trolls#trolls dreamworks#trolls world tour#broppy#parb#trolls world tour kept me sane ghjfd#i still think these r so cute but its crazy how dif my art looked in 2020 compared to now ghjfgd
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If anyone has good screenshots of Axel/Lea please send, it was way too difficult to find these
#yeah I am caught up up to KH3 now#Axel is the best one here#Lea my love kept me sane#he's like if Reno and Zack fusioned#i want to give him kiss kiss#kingdom hearts#kh#kh axel#kh lea#axel#lea#kingdom hearts axel#kingdom hearts lea
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They would turn me into a monkey and make me solve unsolvable puzzles with no end or reward while keeping me alive for an eternity for making this, but it's only because they both know I'm right.
#ihnmaims am#am ihnmaims#i have no mouth and i must scream#portal#portal 2#glados#I know everyones making this joke now but I had to give my own take#making this kept me sane while I was designing my AM which would irrate both of them even more#I'm just a humble monkey who enjoys a silly crack ship w robots that would hate me so so much but at least they're gay
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why did you light that? so you’d look cool?
#lockwood & co#lockwood and co#anthony lockwood#lucy carlyle#this screncap redraw is what has been kept me sane during my last exam and the writing of my dissertation#sad and exciting that i’m done with both now (this drawing and uni)#it started as a lighting and shadowing study so it’s full of mistakes lol#my art
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Major Boobage is one of the funniest episodes of anything ever just for the smash cut to Kenny and Gerald fighting in the sand box. That scene had me fucking cackling in the hospital a couple weeks ago and I was extremely annoyed when the nurse interrupted to check my vitals ngl. Sheila was BIG mad
#I fuckin love South Park#tbh comedy central is the only thing that kept me sane in that icu#I just remembered that specific moment bc I leaned my head back just now and there’s still a painful lump oof#and that’s on head injury babeyyyy#yes I’m gonna joke about it#also Cartman with all the cats in the attic is hysterical especially kyles reaction to it
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I was trying to search if I'd posted this on here yet but I can't find it on my blog. Maybe I have and I didn't tag it properly. Oh well. This was done last year, I was testing out some watercolour brushes I'd found. I'm happy with how it turned out!
I just think they're neat together :)
#i think about these two a lot#like they've actually kept me somewhat sane and grounded over the past like... 15 years?#shit going down at school/home/work? especially home? think about my silly little stories with them#the very definition of comfort characters#and even though i've shipped em for years#i don't really have a name for it#other than the Ryuleaf I've recently been calling it but in an official sense?#certainly never found one online or seen anyone else even do this#i'm getting sentimental and rambling it's like 2am and i have a cold i shuold really be in bed now#ravinoforre#ravinranting123#trainer leaf#trainer michael
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i love polaris …. i need to get creative and do more with her
#i wonder what you all think or feel about her#she’s received a lot of love#she’s my literal light in the dark#my depictions of her are very comforting#and they tie into my childhood daydreams of a big north swedish horse that kept me safe#she’s still there doing just that :)#i don’t want to get too vent-y on this blog but things really aren’t easy right now#with money and stress and my general mental health#so taking commissions is basically saving us and drawing polaris is keeping me sane#idk what i’m saying here i’m just appreciating the littlr things i suppose#sometimes i want to flesh out more of a story with her but i also like the innocent sort of childhood mystery she has about her
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i shouldnt have listened to the me from 3 years ago when she told me to get into paralive I SHOULDNT HAVE LISTENED ARRRGHHH im sane! im so sane!
#i put it off for SO LONG#like i kept telling myself ill try to get into it#but the stars never aligned until just now#AND IT'S GETTING TO ME ARRHGHGRHGHRHGR#IM JUST MOSTLY BANGING MY HEAD ON A WALL#im ok. im sane ab allen im so sane#god#AGHGHGHHHHH#who am i gonna talk to??#do i keep this pararai infested brain to myself?? HELL NO????#i need my friends to suffer. ill blab to them
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the forest looks like heaven today i woke up feeling the heaviest weight at the top of my heart
#yesterday on the study they said they were dating two others and it was going well and i cant imagine fucking you but#you have great tits. they got upset at me not inviting them to a party. my research partner told me to write a 1000 word essay on why they#should come. they spoke about how much they wanted theiir ex and they wouldnt tell me much about who theyre dating bc#they thought i still had feelings for them which. god. theyre right but the assumption is so arrogant#the streams r rly beautiful im walking to a date and shes gorgeous and some of my friends know her but i look#exactly like ive slept on my friends floor for the past few days so . aaa anyway#god after that whole call i just felt so deflated like i felt over it but now its all . back. like seeing them being happy w smn else#inflicts active misery upon me which means ii think im becoming a worse person bc of them. i called my friend and i just . idk i walked home#i kept wanting to weep but . woah the sun is so pretty#there are petals and dandelion seeds floating in the air#med school students walking to their lectures#she does biochem btw. the person im meeting now#there are two butterflies dancing together. i cant make this shit up the past few days have looked like actual heaven#ive spent them being on survival mode and not even bc of my studies like ok focus on log functions while the person kn the screen#tells u abt how if her ex were to call shed fold immediately and the new girl is a singer and its going well and maybe ill tell you#more abt it in a few months. SO YOU KNOW IT HURTS ! SO WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOUD MAKE OUT W ME AT THE CLUB WHY WOULD U FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO#ME WITHOUT CLOTHES ON ! WHY WOULD YOU CARESS YOUR OWN SKIN LOOKING AT ME IN THE MIRROR !!!!#anyway im like . sane.#i just . felt like it was over#i realised i kept seeing ppl who i thought were more attractive etc etc than her bc i needed to prove to myself#that im attractive enough to be liked or that i can be liked at all and a part of me wanted to prove it to them too#its just a horrible mindset to have and yh not only do they not care but they also bring out the worst in me actively like . I DONT KNOW#BUT THEN WHO ELSE KNOWS THAT THE GOLDEN HOURS IN TEHRAN ARE PINK AND LILAC WHO GOES TO TECHNO RAVES AT THE BASE OF DAMAVAND#WHO CAN PIN YOU AGAINST A WALL LIKE THEM !!!#anyway#standing up it just feels so#exhausting#like this the most exhausted ive felt from all this ever
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