#It’s happened to me during 2019 but don’t let that discourage you | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cyndavilachase · 5 years ago

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I’m Looking Forward Now 💖Thank you and good bye

So, it’s been a little over a week since Steven Universe Future ended…

I’ve been hesitant to write this, honestly, but I’m tired of holding myself back from properly expressing myself in fear of appearing overly invested in the media I consume, even in private. Writing helps me organize my thoughts and feelings, and I feel like these thoughts in particular may resonate with many, so I want to share them. I want to talk about what Steven Universe has done for me personally, both as an artist, and as a person.

I’ve been around since the day the first episode of the original series aired. I actually remember when Steven Universe was just a logo on Wikipedia’s “List of Upcoming Cartoon Network Shows” list, back when I was a freshman in high school. It piqued my interest, but when commercials finally dropped for it, I thought it was going to be bad because of the way marketing handled introducing Steven as a likeable character. There was still something about it that made me want to give it a chance though, so I went online and watched the pilot before the first episode's release. I was hooked immediately. I knew I was going to love it, and I did. I fell so absolutely in love with Steven as a character, and the world that he and the gems lived in. I became obsessed. I was always so excited for new episodes to come out. Little did I know what else it would do for me as I went through my adolescence alongside it.

As the show progressed, it was evident that what I wanted out of a western animated childrens’ cartoon was finally coming into fruition: this show was becoming serialized. There was continuity, there was plot, there was character development-- it was getting deep. It was pushing the groundwork that Adventure Time laid out even further (thank you, Adventure Time).

I will give credit where credit is due: earlier western childrens’ cartoons I grew up with like Hey Arnold, and Rugrats, among others, also touched on heavy topics, but Steven Universe was able to take similar ideas (and even more complex ones, concerning mental health and relationships) and expand on them outside of contained episodes and/or short arcs. These themes, which were a part of the show’s overarching story, spanned across its entirety. Continuity was rampant.

What did this mean? It meant kids cartoons didn’t have to be silly and fun all the time and characters weren’t just actors playing a part in 11-minute skits. Steven and the gems would remember things that happened to them, and it affected them and how they would function and play a part in their story. This was a huge deal to me as a teenager. I always wanted the cartoons I grew up with featuring kid characters to feel more. In my own work, I often felt discouraged when combining a fun, cutesy western art style with themes as dark or layered as anime would cover. I always thought it had to be one or the other because an audience wouldn’t take a combination of the two seriously enough, based on discussions I had with classmates, friends, and online analysis I read at the time. Steven Universe proved to me otherwise. This show was opening the door for future cartoons exploring in-depth, adult concepts. I felt so seen as a kid, and was inspired to stick with what I love doing.

I was actually very worried about the show’s survival. It was in fact immensely underrated and the fandom was miniscule. Then in 2014, JailBreak dropped, and it’s popularity exploded. Part of it was because of the complex plot and the themes it was covering like I mentioned, but also because of its representation.

I remember when fandom theorized that Garnet was a fusion due to grand, tragic reasons. Turns out, she’s simply a metaphor for a very loving w|w relationship. This was huge. I cannot stress how important it is that we continue to normalize healthy canon queer relationships in childens’ media, and Steven Universe finally was the first to do that proper. Introducing these themes offers the chance for a kid to sit there and ask themselves, “Why is this demonized by so many people?” I asked myself exactly that. Ruby and Sapphire were my cartoon LGBT rep. They were the first LGBT couple I ever ecstatically drew fanart of. I was dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia at the time, and they showed me that I was allowed to love women and feel normal about it. The process of overcoming this was a long one, but they played a part in my very first steps into becoming comfortable with my sexuality. I could go on and on about it’s representation in general-- how it breaks the mold when it comes to showcasing a diverse set of characters in design, in casting, and in breaking gender roles. It’s focus on love and empathy. Steven himself is a big boy, but he's the protagonist, and the show never once makes fun of his weight, or any other bigger characters for that matter. It wasn’t hard to see why the fandom had grown so large.

Fandom was always a joy for me. It was a hobby I picked up when I was in middle school, like many of us here did. I would always cater my experience to fun, and fun only. I only started getting more deeply involved in SU’s fandom when I had just turned into an adult. During the summer of 2016, between my first and second year of college, I drew for the show almost every day non-stop when the Summer of Steven event was going on and posted them online. This was a form of practice for me in order to become not just more comfortable with experimenting with my art, but also to meet new artists, make new friends, and learn to interact with strangers without fear. I dealt with a ton of anxiety when I was in high school. When I was a senior applying to art school for animation, I decided I was going to overcome that anxiety. I made plans to take baby steps to improve myself over the course of my 4 years of college. Joining the fandom, while unforeseen, was definitely a part of that process. I started feeling more confident in sharing my ideas, even if they were fan-made. I fell in love with storyboarding after that summer, when I took my first storyboarding class, and genuinely felt like I was actually getting somewhere with all of this. I remember finally coming to a point in my classes where I could pitch and not feel hopelessly insecure about it. I was opening up more to my friends and peers.

But this process, unfortunately, came to a screeching halt.

My life completely, utterly crumbled under me in the Fall of 2017 due to a series of blows in my personal life that happened in the span of just a couple weeks. My mental health and sense of identity were completely destroyed. All of that confidence I had worked for-- completely ruined. I was alone. I nearly died. My stay at college was extended to 4 and half years, instead of the 4 I had intended. I lost my love for animation-- making it, and watching it. I could no longer watch Steven Universe with the same love I had for it beforehand. It’s a terrible thing, trying to give your attention to something you don’t love anymore, and wanting so desperately to love again. I dropped so many things I loved in my life, including the fandom.

Healing was a long and complicated road. I continued to watch the show all the way up until Change Your Mind aired in the beginning of 2019, and while I still felt empty, that was definitely a turning point for me with it’s encapsulation of self-love. I was hoping James Baxter would get to work on Steven Universe since he guest-animated on Adventure Time, and it was incredible seeing that wish actually come true. The movie came out and while I enjoyed it and thought highly of it, I was still having issues letting myself genuinely love things again, old and new. It was especially difficult because cartoons were my solace as a kid, when things got rough at home. I remember feeling sad because the show ended, and not getting the chance to love it again like I used to while it was still going.

By the time Steven Universe Future was announced, I was finally coming around. I was genuinely starting to feel excitement for art and animation again. I wasn’t expecting there to be a whole new epilogue series, but happily ever after, there we were! Prickly Pear aired, and the implications it left in terms of where the story was going did it. I was finally ready to let myself take the dive back into fandom in January of this year. My art blew up, something I wasn’t expecting considering my 2-year hiatus. Following this, I was invited into a discord server containing some of the biggest writers, artists, editors, and analysts in the fandom. I had no idea there were so many talented people in the fandom, some already with degrees, some getting their degrees-- creating stuff for it on the side just for fun. The amount of passion and productivity level here is insane, and so is the amount of discussion that has come out of it.

I didn’t realize it at first, but it was actually helping me gain back the courage to share ideas. I lost my confidence in pitching while I was taking the time to heal, and graduating meant there would no longer be a classroom setting I could practice in. This group helped immensely.

I have made so many friends through this wonderful series, and I have so many fond memories talking to like-minded creatives, getting feedback and a myriad of sources for inspiration, as well as all of the memes and jokes and weekly theorizations that came about as we all waited on the edges of our seats for episodes to air. I needed this so badly, I needed to get back in touch with my roots, when I would go absolutely hog-wild over a cartoon I loved with people who loved it as much I did. Future has been a blessing for me in this way. I graduated feeling like I was back at square-one, but now I feel like I’m on my way again.

It’s 2020 and while I’m doing great right now, I am honestly still recovering from the total exhaustion that followed after graduating a few months ago, and finally leaving the campus where my life fell apart behind. Needless to say, watching Future was like looking into a mirror. Watching one of my favorite characters of all time-- one that grew up with me-- go through so many of the same things I went through not too long ago was absolutely insane to watch unfold. It’s such an important thing too, to show a character go through the process of breaking down over trauma and all the nasty things that come with it, and to have them go on the road to healing. Steven got that therapy. He wasn’t blamed. The gems were called out. The finale was everything I could have ever hoped for. The catharsis I experienced watching it was out of this world.

As I continue my own healing journey, I will always look up to the storyboard artists, revisionists, and designers that I have been following over these past 7 years, as well as the new ones introduced in Future. It's been such a joy watching these artists release their promo art for episodes, talk about their experiences working on the show, and post the work they've done for it alongside episodes airing.

Thank you Rebecca Sugar, the Crewniverse, and the fans, for making this such a truly wonderful and unique experience. Thank you for reminding me that I am, and always will be, an artist, a cartoonist, and a fan. Thank you, my followers, for the overwhelmingly positive response to my artwork. I have had so much fun interacting and discussing the show with you all again over these past few months. Steven Universe and it’s fandom will always have a special place in my heart, and it will always be a classic that I will return to for comfort and inspiration for decades to come. I am sad that the cartoon renaissance is over, but so many doors have been opened thanks to this show. I am so, so excited to see what this show will inspire in the future, and I hope one day I get the opportunity to be a part of that.

Goodbye Steven, thank you for everything. I wish you healing, and I wish Rebecca and the team a well-deserved rest. ♥️

-Cynthia D.

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waywardrose · 4 years ago

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On Babbushka

There is a group of well-known writers in the fandom who have been discouraged and put down by one of their own, Zannah - @babbushka. It happens behind the scenes in DMs. It happens in posts and tags.

In DMs, she has started conversations with seemingly innocent questions. When she doesn't receive the response she was aiming for, she diverts the conversation to criticizing and humiliating the person. She has attacked writers for tagging—or not tagging—a post in a way she deems appropriate. She has gotten into arguments over how characters were portrayed and then tried to claim victimization when the other person wouldn't knuckle under.

She will appeal to her following to attack any fan or creator who has an opinion that differs from her own. She will encourage friends to send rude anons. Those same friends will also DM the target with rude remarks.

Several creators have stopped writing altogether because of their interactions with her.

We are tired of being discouraged. We are tired of being talked down to. We are tired of being bullied. Enough is enough. Under the cut we share our stories, let the chips fall where they may. It's up to you, the reader, to decide whether to support her.

We can only warn up-and-coming writers, artists, fans, and supporters of her behavior.

Hope - @callmehopeless

The Australian bushfires of the 2019-2020 season were nightmarish—for those living through it and those witnessing. As the season went on, cries for help increased. Joaquin Phoenix used the time during his Best-Actor acceptance speech at the Golden Globes to call for unity, action, and accountability. Regardless of what we may think of him, it was a thoughtful speech.

Hope, who is an Australian, found Mr. Phoenix's message encouraging and reblogged a gifset of his speech.

That morning, Zannah made a post about Mr. Phoenix's shady past and his association with a known sexual predator. The main reason wasn't because his speech was inappropriate or not timely, but because she didn't think he should be the one to get the attention over other actors who had spoken of the bushfires during the Golden Globes.

While Hope confessed she was scared of the bushfires, scared for her loved ones, Zannah was more concerned with purity. To Zannah it was about the face of the message, not the message itself. It didn't matter that Mr. Phoenix was amplifying support for Australia, what did matter was that he had done bad things.

It was virtue signaling on Zannah's part.

Still, this remains a complicated argument. Can a person who has done bad things actually have something positive to add to a cause? Should we listen to a problematic person if they share an insight? Does it reflect poorly on us to agree with their isolated statement? Will we be canceled, too? What about the bigger picture?

In this case, the bigger picture was hundreds of homes were destroyed in the bushfires and families were displaced. People died, thousands of animals died. And it was because of climate change. Mr. Phoenix called for his rich peers to examine their respective lifestyles and to give back.

Yes, Mr. Phoenix has done bad things. Yes, he has associated with people who have done bad things. His words resonated with people on Tumblr, and they reblogged part of his speech. He said something that gave Hope hope.

Hope was asked by a third party how they could help. She came back with a resource guide for those who wanted to send aid to Australians.

When it became obvious Zannah wouldn't silence Hope, Zannah decided to sub-post about the interaction. There, she accused Hope of being a rape apologist for reblogging a gifset and finding a little comfort in it. Zannah placed her ego before someone who was facing a very real danger.

Side-eying an actor is one thing, shaming a person you know for finding solace during a scary time is another. Hope isn't responsible for which voice got picked up. The only "colors" being shown here are Zannah's. She put her own concerns about being perceived as morally pure above actually supporting a friend.

I'll keep this brief - I knew Zannah for many years. And on one of the lowest weeks of my life, when my suburb was burning down and I feared for my family: she convinced me I was a rape apologist for sharing Joaquin Phoenix's speech asking for action on bushfires. In all my life, I never felt more alone. To add insult to injury, she then posted memes mocking me - something that has stuck with me to this day.

I've had dear friends quit the fandom because of her kinkshaming. I've had people I love message me distraught over what she's said.

Enough is enough.

— @callmehopeless

Rose - @the-wayward-rose

This PM exchange started after I tagged my reblog of Zannah's fic Feast (Cameron Bistle x Reader) with cw: white reader. I had been on her taglist, and I wanted to show support because I liked the fic overall. For context, the reason for my tag is because of this sentence:

"But then you're blushing so pretty and squeezing his hand affectionately and reaching for the handle to the passenger side of his car, and then you're laughing when he swats your hand away to open it for you, and then you're beckoning him down as if to ask a question – only to place a chaste kiss to his lips instead."

This is from Cameron's point of view.

She asked the reason for the tag, and I explained it was because of the use of "blush" to describe Reader's appearance.

She misunderstood my premise. I did not mean only white people blush.

According to Merriam-Webster, blush means "a reddening of the face especially from shame, modesty, or confusion" or "a red or rosy tint."

It is an autonomic response, though. It happens in all humans for body cooling and nonverbal communication. The main problem with using it universally is that melanin obscures the appearance of said autonomic response.

Here's an example of three runners:

The two pale women, left and center, are pink in the face. They are blushing. The woman of color on the right is likely blushing, too. However, the melanin in her skin obscures the blood in her cheeks. She is not pink.

That's the pitfall of the word "blush." The observer can't always see it. We know what it feels like. We all do it. The face and/or neck gets hot. The use of "blush" is shorthand in narrative, and I understand that. Nevertheless, when writing to cater to a reader-insert audience of unknown heritage, writers need to consider describing with universal terms.

Again, she misunderstood my premise. I clarified by asking how Cameron sees the Reader blush under an abundance of melanin:

She sidestepped the physiological explanation to go straight for justification. She tried to legitimize "blush" as "perhaps [this]" or "perhaps [that]" when I stated earlier that blush by definition is pink or is to redden. That's the logic. A noncommittal, covering-all-the-bases, complicated defense diluted the conversation.

With her earlier "I have friends of color, hence I can't be exclusionary" statement, I wasn't sure she would get my point. I take full responsibility for not explaining, too. I should've asked for some time to gather my thoughts, but I didn't. Truthfully, I was unprepared, because I didn't think my insignificant tag would be an issue.

Also, I was confused why she was trying to police my blog.

Her replies came rapidly—before I could mention my confusion—and felt aggressive in the moment. Maybe that wasn't her intention, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

That doesn't take away from the fact that words have meaning. It's why we use specific words. It's not understood in the narrative that her use of "blush" could mean a bunch of things. If I had known, I wouldn't have tagged as I did. How is a reader of color supposed to know that? How does Cameron see Reader's blush if she has darker skin?

As writers, we don't know who is reading. Someone could be very pale or very dark. A person with medium-toned skin can turn a shade of pink or red. A person with darker-toned skin will not. We can't assume all readers are medium to pale. We need to develop better writing skills. We have to include everyone.

Readers of color > White-writer feelings

When I stood my ground, she doubled down, stating I made no sense in my tagging and that I lacked the ability to learn from her. She then diverted the argument, attacking a ficlet I wrote a few days beforehand—which had nothing to do with this argument. The Christian imagery in that ficlet was upsetting to her and "in such poor taste" because she headcanons Flip Zimmerman (BlacKkKlansman) is 100% culturally and ethnically Jewish.

Flip stated in the movie:

"I'm Jewish, but I wasn't raised to be. It wasn't part of my life. I never thought much about being Jewish. Nobody around me was Jewish. I wasn't going to a bunch of Bar Mitzvahs. I didn't have a Bar Mitzvah. I was just another white kid. And now I'm in some basement denying it out loud[...] I never thought much about it. Now I'm thinking about it all the time. About rituals and heritage. Is that passing? Well then, I have been passing."

By his own admission, Flip is ethnically Jewish, but not culturally. These are two separate things, and that should be recognized. While Judaism is ethnically and culturally entwined in ways that other religions are not, one does not equate the other. You can be one and not the other.

At the time, I didn't want her to sic her 3000+ followers on me. I wasn't going to argue further. I asked myself if the ficlet was important and worth anon-hate and realized, no, it wasn't. It was a throw-away.

And since I'm not culturally Jewish, maybe I had misstepped. And since Zannah is both culturally and ethnically Jewish, I asked for her guidance.

She flatly refused my request. I don't know how I was supposed to learn from her if she wouldn't teach me.

It sounded as if she wanted me to delete the whole fic. Like none of it was worth saving because it hadn't been Zannah-approved. I had gone against her headcanon, and the fic was too offensive to fix.

The last sentence was supposed to cover her back from criticism, and it placed all the responsibility on me. Obviously, she was above such petty concerns as someone else's blog or writing. Never mind that she had just attempted to get me to change my tagging system and rewrite my ficlet. On my blog.

Later, I figured out she was only criticizing and not offering a constructive critique. Her argument was not in good faith. It was retaliation for not giving her the obedience she thought she was owed.

This is the passage that offended her:

"It’s because of the way he fucks you. Like it’s confession—though he’s never been much of a church-going man. Every touch, every thrust, is a truth between you. Even when it’s rough and greedy. It feels like flagellation when you claw his back. He wears the sin proudly."

This is what I edited it to:

"It’s because of the way he fucks you. Every touch, every thrust, is a truth between you. Even when it’s rough and greedy. It feels like flagellation when you claw his back. He wears your marks proudly."

Yeah, I'm not pleased with the revised passage. It's lost its teeth, but I keep it.

The anonymous message(s) she mentioned weren't very anonymous, either. Unfortunately, I've since deleted the two messages. I had apologized to Anon for disappointing them. I said that if the fic was too much, they should unfollow and block me. I meant that in a self-care way. At the same time, I did not—and do not—owe anyone discourse. I don't have to explain my art when it doesn't hurt anyone. And no one was hurt by some purportedly misplaced religious imagery.

I have been silent about this since late January/early February. I was embarrassed. I had been bullied into changing my blog and my fic by someone who proclaims to never do anything of the sort. I had been a fool. Since this conversation with her, I have been blocked/blacklisted by third-parties, most likely at her behest, when none of this exchange had been necessary.

Kassanovella - @kylorengarbagedump

Zannah's followers have asked her about Kassanovella’s Fix Your Attitude. For context, it's currently one of the most kudo-ed fics for Kylo Ren x Reader on AO3. It had a bit of a renaissance earlier in 2020 because a TikToker wrote a song for it.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to read a fic. If the subject matter doesn't work for a reader, they don't have to partake. Easy as that. So, these tags aren't a problem.

However, it led to this...

She lashed out, calling Kassanovella's fic a joke. A joke.

She implied her fics should be as popular as Kassanovella's because she works really hard on them. She admitted she's tied to the metrics. She implied she wouldn't be writing fic if not for the external validation.

Here's the thing about fanfic: readers like what they like. They don't care about a writer's effort. They only know what works for them. They comment and give kudos, reblog and like what they connect with. That is not under the writer's control. All a writer can do is try their best and concentrate on what they're passionate about.

To bash another writer's fic because it's popular is disrespectful. This whole bitter rant drips of entitlement and is an affront to Kassanovella.

Some time later, an incident happened in a chatroom during a streaming event for veterans by Arts In the Armed Forces (Adam Driver's organization). At least one fan brought up Fix Your Attitude while waiting for Mr. Driver to make an appearance. They were also disrespectful towards the other presenters by demanding to see Mr. Driver. It caused a big stink within the fandom, and Zannah had some choice words.

While mentioning the fic during the livestream was inappropriate, it was also inappropriate to throw all fans of the fic under the bus as she did in her tag. Sweeping generalizations and incriminations of a subset of fans certainly reads as if she resents those fans for a perceived slight.

Next, Zannah made an earlier disparaging comment about Kassanovella's fic, Little Bird. Unfortunately, that comment is lost. However, the messages supporting the comment remain. (For context, Little Bird is a Kylo Ren x Reader The Handmaid's Tale AU. It has been well received in the fandom, earning thousands of kudos on AO3.)

What an author wants to write about and sexualize is their business. Fantasizing about being dominated by Kylo Ren isn't cringe. It's a sexual fantasy. Some sexual fantasies can be disturbing to those who do not share the same kink.

Sexual fantasies are like ice cream. There's a reason why there are different flavors.

Also, "I will never ever be a person that tells an author what to do or not do" is an absolute lie. As evident in this post, Zannah most definitely tells authors what to do or not do.

Again, she bashes Kassanovella, claiming her writing isn't good. Her motivation for bashing Kassanovella can only be speculation. With Zannah's previously stated opinion of Fix Your Attitude, though, it indicates a certain level of negative emotions.

Anonymous

An anonymous person came forward with a case of Zannah policing their blog. Anon has a sideblog for their personal AU with Flip Zimmerman. They reblog gifsets and post headcanons. They were an enthusiastic fan of Zannah's and reblogged a few of the gifset she made. Anon tagged their reactions, and Zannah blocked them for it.

Anon went to Zannah and asked why they were blocked, because all they wanted to do was have fun and support fellow Flip lovers.

Anon was under the impression that because they were shipping themselves, and not Zannah, with Flip, she blocked them. Their personal AU doesn't align with Zannah's headcanon that she alone is married to this character and has his children.

While Zannah's reply may sound innocent, and perhaps it is, it also speaks to someone who has set herself up as the owner of Flip Zimmerman. (Wait until Spike Lee or the real Ron Stallworth hears about that...) It appears that if a fan does not comply with the Zannah-approved headcanon, where only she is married to Flip, that fan shall be blocked. If a fan uses tags on their blog that she does not approve of, that fan will be blocked.

Zannah's policing is disturbing. Going into a blog to look for something as a reason to block is disturbing. Any fan is allowed to use any tag on their blog how they wish. If the OP has said their post can be reblogged, how a reblogger tags is beyond the OP's control. To punish that reblogger for not behaving in a way she finds acceptable is uncalled for and unjust.

Anonymous

Backstory: Zannah does not view Ben Solo's arc in the Star Wars sequel trilogy as acceptable canon. However, she does view the story she created for Flip Zimmerman in BlacKkKlansman as completely canon.

This is not the first time she has been asked to clarify her position. Nor is it the first time she has avoided giving an on-topic response. A question asked in good faith should be responded to in kind.

If a creator doesn't want to address the issue, they can state that they don't. Deflecting from the question only muddies the waters. Fans feel dismissed. The creator feels hounded, and comes across as irritated and unapproachable. No one has a positive fandom experience.

There is nothing wrong with having a headcanon. What is wrong is Zannah mandating her headcanon for Flip on the whole fandom. As evident in this post, if a fan does not comply with her headcanon, they will be summarily blocked.

Also, there is nothing wrong with rejecting canon. Writers of transformative works have always done this. The problem is shaming fans who have accepted canon while not offering justification for that shaming. A creator saying they "can't help them" is the creator washing their hands of responsibility from articulating their thoughts when they themselves began criticizing the canon in the first place.

Again, this is a bad-faith argument. Creators can't ask for discussion and attention and then get mad when their viewpoints are challenged. Just because a discussion isn't going a creator's way doesn't mean it's an attack, either. It means people want clarification, and if one criticizes, they should be able to back up their criticisms.

While sharing our stories has been freeing, it's not our aim as fellow fans to cancel Zannah. We would hope she would take the opportunity to reflect on the damage she has done to the fandom. We hope we all can move forward with a more approachable and supportive scene.

No one person speaks for our fandom. The actions of one fan do not represent the entire fandom. Whether creator or consumer, you are welcome here.

[posted July 25, 2020]

#babbushka #reader insert #flip zimmerman x reader #kylo ren x reader

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ultra-super-definitely-yes · 3 years ago

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Incantatio – An enchanted forest and its new protectors:

Genre: Adventure, Magic, Fantasy

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of doctors and medicine, and almost spiralling

Chapter 1- The Search:

Summary: Johnathan Dimalanta isn’t afraid of going into Taiki Thickets, nope. He has to get the magical valerian to save his Ina (mother) after all.

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Friday, October 11, 2019

5:43 p.m.

Valerian: a perennial flowering plant native to Europe and Asia. But there’s more to this herb than that. It can be very helpful to patients with sleeping disorders; as well as ease anxiety, depression, menstrual and stomach cramps. Upon studying about this herb, I know that it will help her.

I’m aware that in this era of modern medicines, the doctors won’t listen to this idea and brush it off as outdated. They’re just in it for the money. They don’t really care about Ina.

But I’ve got something better than plain old Valerian. No, I’m talking about the magical type. Laugh at me all you want, but all I wish for Ina is a good night’s sleep and good health.

So where would I find it? Just a little on the outskirts of Quinliang, in Taiki Thickets. The locals call the forest “haunted”, because of what happened to the people who dared to venture in there. Some were reported to have found at the edges of the forest; half-dead or amnesic. Some were never found. But it was only because of their ignorance, greed or incomplete knowledge of that enchanted thicket.

There are few things I want to be sure of so that I don’t suffer the same fate as them:

1: Don’t go too far.

2: Don’t take anything else on the way.

3: Leave the forest before sunrise or sunset, never during either.

This may be the last entry I write in here, so wish me luck.

-Johnathan

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Inserting the pen into a make-shift pencil-holder, Nathan closed his book shut and laid it on the glass coffee table. The sun was going to set soon; he had to get going.

He planned to leave quickly, so he didn’t pack anything. Just a zip-lock bag tucked into his old quilted cardigan-sweater that his Ina bought for his 20th birthday. It was still a little too big for him, the sleeves reaching his knuckles. He also took a greyish-pine knit cap with him, just in case. He shut the door of his apartment and went two stories down to the parking lot. Pinsan Steve was kind enough to have let him rent his old Suzuki after he had got his driving license. And for half the rate anyone else would offer! He couldn’t say no to that now, could he?

He unlocked the maroon door and sat down on the leather driver seat. The custom-made air freshener swayed impulsively in no particular direction at the impact of the door slamming shut. “Woo boy! We’re actually doing this then.” he thought out loud, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

But that’s when the anxiety set in. He was actually doing this.

“What if this is the last time I drive this car?”

“What if I never see her again?”

“What if she dies alone- no. We’re getting out of there alive, stupid.” Nathan took a deep breath.

The aroma of mint and green apple grounded him as he looked up at the little apple hanging from the rear-view mirror.

“Right. Let’s do this.”

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The indigo sky slowly faded black as Jon rode through the busy roads. White and yellow streetlights overlooked the traffic like beacons of light. However, the more turns he took, the traffic reduced slowly. Then the car reached the unmetalled roads that took him away from the suburbs of Quinliang. There weren’t as many artificial lights as there were in the city, but that didn’t discourage him. Soon he saw huts and small, single-storey houses. He passed a few neighborhood markets every now and then.

Sure, everyone was happy but there was a hint of something on their faces that unnerved Nathan. Was it fear? “I’ll find out soon enough,” he supposed.

By 6:30, the sun had already set. Stars decorated the ebony black sky, and the single storey houses disappeared from sight. Only plenty of huts and stone-and-brick buildings. The children who were playing outside were ushered back inside or went in themselves.

Then he stopped.

There it was.

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A/N: Hey, so this is a reupload of this story Incantatio so you might have seen this before. This is kinda old so my writing style will change in the next more recently written chapter. I hope you enjoy this story!

Taglist: @transgender-er, @sovereign-of-the-skittles, @poisonedapples, @nanashi-rei-official, @romanapologist, @illogicallyinclined, @fibi-draws, @aidensm8, @somniumm-art, @aimasup, @briandthemoon

#gbs #jo writes #gbs incantatio #incantatio #magic forest #incantatio johnathan #tw anxiety #tw doctor mention #tw medicine mention #diary #old writing #this story is set in the phillipines #yay

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victoriareyloficlists · 4 years ago

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18/11/2020 Additions to Reylo Fluff

These fics have been added to the Fluff list located here.

Sweet Home by Violetwilson (AO3 2018 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Honestly, she only came to Waffle House at two AM to pick up Finn and Poe and maybe order some pancakes. Maybe. But what was she supposed to do when she found a hot businessman with a broken car in the parking lot? Not invite him to sleep over at her place until the town's only mechanic sobered up?) A Child and a Mortgage by AverageEpaulet (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: It was bring your child to work day. Whoever came up with that bright idea had a special place reserved in hell for all Ben Solo cared. He loved his daughter, more than anything, but that didn't mean he liked flaunting her around like a trophy with ”Got laid at least once” engraved on it.) I Still Do by merrymercy (AO3 2020 Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: 'Remember when you had a huuuge crush on me?That was so embarrassing for you.'' Drunk Rey greets her husband.) We'll tell our kids we met at Starbucks by M1ssJess (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey goes on a date with Poe but ends up spending a much more enjoyable night with his roommate Ben.) Clumsily Yours by Hellyjellybean (AO3 2020 Rated M Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey is injured at work. She is shocked when her boss Ben Solo carries her to his car and takes her to hospital much to her embarrassment. He is over-bearing and over-protective of her during her stay and Rey doesn’t understand...although it is sort of sweet in a way...could it be that the big bad executive Ben Solo actually likes her?) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 46 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey's familiar, Kira, usually hates other people but keeps escaping to go visit her neighbor Ben, could he have his own secret?) Goodnight Moon by LittleAndikin (AO3 2020 Rated M Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben's 3 year old daughter Lily won't go to sleep without listening to the library's podcast reading of Goodnight Moon. When she's in the elevator with her father & a neighbour, she recognises Rey from her voice as the person who reads to her every night.) Where's my wife? by AverageEpaulet (AO3 2020 Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey dresses up as Ben's favourite TV character while he's out for drinks. But she's underestimated drunk Ben's loyalty.) Crisis: Girlfriend by perperuna (AO3 2018 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben had been in love with Rey for over a year when he asked her to go with him to his ex’s wedding as his date and ‘girlfriend’.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 11 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben asks his father for help with the classmate that has been frustrating him. ) Pining and Puzzles by greywilde (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey finds scraps of paper in the washer as she's doing her laundry, and her roommate Ben is acting strange about them.) Threads by Hellyjellybean (AO3 2020 Rated M Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo is a cantankerous boss known for throwing away any gift his underlings give him. When newbie Rey decides to knit everyone a scarf for the start of fall, she's warned that Solo will not appreciate it. Everyone is surprised when he shows up the next day wearing it.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 35 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben is always suspicious about his mother's matchmaking. This is how he fell for it again.) About You by LadyBrettAshley (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: An eight-month dry spell drives Rey to create a Tinder account. Already stressed about work, she finds herself exceptionally discouraged after her first date is a flop, and her neighbor, Ben, won't stop harassing her for being on Tinder in the first place. That is, until Ben makes her an offer she can't refuse...) In Bloom by Celia_and (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, 4 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: The flowers that bedeck her skin don’t lie. Ballet dancer Rey is in love with her partner, Ben. But the years go by and his skin stays resolutely, devastatingly blank. He doesn’t love her. But when his hands are on her body, she can pretend.) How Not to Break Up by LadyBrettAshley (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Nothing means more to Leia than her Annual Pumpkin Carving extravaganza. That’s why Ben asks Rey to keep their recent breakup a secret until after the party. After a carving-related accident, Ben comes to her aid and it turns out... they may not have to tell anyone they broke up at all.) Only Make-Believe by Hartmannclan (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey is in a car accident, so best friend Ben races to the hospital to be with her. What happens when she wakes up with amnesia and believes they are married?) would you be so kind? by youcarrymeaway (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: An au where Ben accidentally hits Rey with his car, and also falls in love with her a little.) urgent caring by blessedreylo (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: ben meets rey on a visit to the local urgent care, and somehow keeps finding ways to see the cute girl behind the front desk (hopefully not losing an appendage in the process). ) What if I want to kiss you tomorrow? by Hellyjellybean (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben needs to share Rey's bed for the night, but does he want to share more than a bed with her? ) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 45 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: From childhood to adulthood, Ben is practiced at catching a clumsy Rey.) Close Enough to Kiss by Somewhere_overthe_Reylo (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey's daughter comes with her to take a final exam. Dr.Solo ends up being soft for babies.) a tale of baseball and broken elevators by Zoa (AO3 2019 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey has sprained her knee. The elevator in her building is broken. She lives on the sixth floor. Her neighbor, Ben Solo, has arrived in the nick of time to help, but there's one problem: she hates him.) Lizzy Solo by Hellyjellybean (AO3 2020 Rated M Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Its bring your kids to work day and little Lizzy Solo meets Rey for the first time. "Are you the same Rey that my dad told Uncle Hux he was half in love with?") a night under the stars by blessedreylo (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Grandma Padme's retired life mostly takes place at the local senior center. When it comes time for senior prom, she asks Ben to go with her. Padme introduces him to senior center employee Rey, for whom this is the first prom she's ever experienced.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 5 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben reluctantly helps his friend Kaydel pick up lingerie. In the dressing room, he runs into his intern Rey as she's trying out some items.) Wrong Number, Right Guy by greywilde (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Grandma Padmé texts Ben to invite him for dinner and reminds him he can bring his apple pie but she's mistyped his number and texts a stranger. Rey texts back to let her know she has the wrong number but Padmé invites Rey to join them anyway.) Anything You Need by SuchaPrettyPoison (AO3 2020 Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben knows women don’t come to him for his lacking social skills and awkward nature; they want to see if he's big all over. He figures why not finally use his assets to his advantage and (try to) flirt with and impress trainer Rey by working out in only biking shorts?) say it with a braid by reylo_mo (writermo) (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: An AU where hairdresser Ben loves to style actress Rey’s hair in braids for events. There’s even a particular type he always goes for.One day Leia texts to ask him why he hasn’t brought his fiancée over for dinner. Thing is... he’s been giving Rey Alderaanian wedding braids.) I'm going to teach you (all about love) by Trish47 (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When Rey's imposing roommate lands a position teaching kindergarten, she spends the year celebrating his victories and cheering him up in equal measure. It just so happens that Rey discovers her favorite method for doing so: kissing him.) You Make Me Weak by Hellyjellybean (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey decides to faint to get her boss's attention.) to climb steep hills by galvanator (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: No one really talks to the new girl who sits in the back of the class. She’s been here a month but kids are afraid of her and teachers are too overworked to be able to solve a problem like Rey. No one really talks to the new girl - except for Ben. A childhood to adulthood love story.) When Love is Like Pulling Teeth by CaliforniaQueen (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Han sends Rey his favorite mechanic to pick up his son Ben after a dental operation. High on meds, normally arrogant and cold Ben becomes quite the chatterbox.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 30 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ex-military Ben doesn't expect anyone to wait for him in the airport. And yet...) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 2 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey constantly needs librarian Ben to help her get books from the top shelf.) Rey is Tired by mcloveproductions (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey Niima is tired. Tired of college. Of her shitty interning job at Plutt's garage. Ben is also tired of the job he just quit. When he meets and pretends to be Rey's boyfriend, maybe that'll be the answer to their problems.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 30 Sequel by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey is attracted to morons. Ben assumes she doesn't like him and tries to apologize for his feelings.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 18 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey asked for something to keep her warm for her birthday. Poe decides the best present he could get is Ben.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 24 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben is absolutely terrified of the dentist. Luckily, Rey is by his side.) The Prince of Alderaan & Me by lalaitskelcey (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey’s daughter steals popcorn from the prince of Alderaan, and a clip of it goes viral, much to Rey’s dismay.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 20 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Meddly Mama Leia only wants her son to find his love and give her pretty grandkids to spoil. That's not too much to ask, right?) By Hand by Celia_and (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Socially anxious Ben visits the same cafe every morning, and he’s fallen for sweet waitress, Rey. Every day he writes down a lovely thought about her, folds into a boat, and leaves it behind to be swept into the trash. He doesn't know that Rey has kept every single one.) I Don't Wanna Live Forever by MotherofScavengers (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Love goddess Rey has been tasked with finding love for Kylo, her friend and god of death. After centuries refusing any of the suitors she suggests, Kylo finally names the only person he would ever be willing to marry: Rey herself) Find Something You Like by ekayla (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey is playing hide and seek in IKEA with Rose and Finn. She hides in a wardrobe. Ben is in need of new furniture. He finds a lot more than ample suit space when a freckley brunette nearly gives him a heart attack jumping out of one of the shop floor examples.) i found love where it wasn’t supposed to be, right in front of me by Lutrosis (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben’s the sweetheart nanny to Rey’s twin daughters. When her new boyfriend is frustrated that he’s lower on her list of priorities than her children, he dumps her. Rey texts Ben and comes home early to find her kids tucked in, and Ben, ready with ice cream.) An Open Invitation by monsterleadmehome (AO3 2019 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey has a crush on her boss's son, Ben Solo. Ben is head over heels for Rey. They hang out all the time--he cooks her dinner, they cuddle on the couch. But he can't work up the courage to ask her on a real date. Rey thinks they're already dating and wonders why Ben won't kiss her.) Rocky Mountain High by reyloanne (AO3 2019 Rated M Complete, 11 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Pro tennis player Ben Solo suffers a season-ending injury in the finals of the US Open, prompting a personal crisis that leads him back home to Colorado. He just may find more than he was searching for along the way in the form of a pretty park ranger named Rey.) that's where you take me by blessedreylo (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Single dad Ben asks his daughters nanny Rey to live with them during quarantine so she can help take care of her while he works remote. Lots of domestic proximity and mutual pining ensues.)

#reylo #reylo fanfic

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t100ficrecsblog · 4 years ago

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an interview with @burninghoneyatdusk (she/her) What are you working on right now? Right now I’m prioritizing prompts for the Bellarke Writers for BLM Initiative, which is a mix of new prompts and requests for WIP updates. I just posted a chapter update of my fic Voices in the Water, which is a canon-verse/everyone is a grounder arranged marriage AU with a bit of a twist, and next I’m working on a new prompt. After that, I’ve got three chapters of All Because of You requested. All Because of You is a modern AU with bellarke as *platonic* coparents. The story is told in alternating flashbacks and present day (every other chapter). The flashbacks focus on them growing closer during Clarke’s unplanned pregnancy and the present is seven years later, where they have to come to terms with their feelings for each other when Clarke gets engaged to someone else.

What’s something you’d like to write one day? I would love to publish a novel one day. For years I had a YA dystopian/time travel trilogy kind of planned but I poked too many holes in it and want to start from scratch in that regard. Another novel I want to write is one that covers three generations of women, looking at mother-daughter relationships, women in society, generational trauma… a lot of stuff. It was inspired by learning about my grandmother’s life more and thinking about how it impacted her relationship with my mother, and in turn my mother’s relationship with me.

For fanfiction, beyond my current prompts and WIPs, I have two other fics outlined. One is an AU inspired by the movie Plus One. The other is a soulmate AU that’s a bit dark and involves immortality, magic, and essentially Bellamy as a villain with a redemption arc.

What is the fanwork you’re most proud of? I think All Because of You will probably remain my most popular, but right now I’m most proud of Voices in the Water. More so than my other fics, it has a more concise plot and I’ve done a deeper dive into Clarke’s character as an Azgeda assassin and I think the reader really gets into her head more than my other multiple POV fics. It’s also my first canonverse fic and I’ve enjoyed diving into that world and expanding upon it where I want.

When did you first start writing fic? I didn’t start writing fic until the beginning of 2019. I first published in February 2019, which was Homesick (It’s a Bittersweet Feeling). It was my first fic and the only multichapter WIP that’s complete right now, so it’s a special story for me.

What frustrates you most about fic writing? I’ve mostly had only a positive experience with fanfic writing. With the exception of a couple stray comments, my readers have been gracious, kind, and most importantly, patient. But I guess it can be challenging when you self-impose pressure because you’re aware that people are waiting for you to publish so sometimes I rush things. I haven’t personally experienced this, but I think that fic writing can also be frustrating when readers feel like you owe them something or unnecessarily offer negative comments that aren’t at all constructive. Some people forget that people are publishing stories for free, in their spare time, often in addition to full-time jobs or school and parenting.

What are your top five songs right now? 1. castles (freya ridings) 2. maniac (conan gray) 3. fired up (grace carter) 4. I am not afraid (g flip) 5. wanna be (betty who)

What are your inspirations? (books, songs, other fic) I take inspiration from all of those things but I would say mostly quotes and random photos on tumblr. I wrote Homesick because I liked the step-siblings/forbidden trope and wanted to write in a small town setting like the one I grew up in. All Because of You was honestly the classic “this is my bedtime daydream story I think about every night” so it’s pretty self-indulgent with the tropes I wanted to use. Voices in the Water was started because I loved the grounder!Bellamy / arranged marriage trope. The wanheda twist came from me reading the 4x11 script to screen with Clarke trying to force herself to shoot Bellamy to save humanity, but realizing that she can’t.

What first attracted you to Bellarke? What attracts you now? I’m not sure I remember a specific moment but I think I remember bellarke being all over my tumblr dash when I started s2 so kind of paying close attention to them during s2. s2 was of course a great season for them and by the ‘knocking on heaven’s door’ scene in 2x16 I was a goner.

Regarding what drew me to them, I think I’ve always loved a good slow burn with the partners/”I’ve got your back” vibe that they have. My first (and biggest) OTP before them was tony & ziva from NCIS which is a really similar vibe although a very different show.

Besides Bellarke, what character or pairing do you like best on t100? I think that Memori is probably my second place ship. Before s7, I would say there was a HUGE gap between my love of Bellarke and Memori, but this season has made me an even bigger Memori fan. I have to say that while I don’t think there was ever a chance of Murven happening, I do understand why people ship it. I think they have great chemistry/a great dynamic and in another life, so to speak, I would have shipped them.

Regarding characters on their own, I just love all my delinquents, but I think that Murphy is solidly my third favorite character. Raven and Octavia are probably tied behind him.

Why did you decide to start bellarkefic-for-blm? I credit the reason to Kara ( @queenemori ). (Sidenote: everyone go follow her! She’s an amazing fanfic writer and overall just a really positive, awesome person to have in the fandom). I remember reading her post - and I won’t try to paraphrase, so please take the time to read her it - but in general it got me thinking about how we as a fandom could support the BLM movement in a substantial way that is more than just spreading posts on social media, and in a way that doesn’t lose momentum as time goes on and the movement becomes less “trendy.” I thought about how many people collectively read our fanfiction and how we provide it for free, and if people could just pay a few dollars or however much they can afford and donate that to the cause, we collectively could make a huge difference. So that’s what I’m hoping this is - making a substantial difference in a way that doesn’t fade in time and also uses the power of fandom in a useful way. We have a lot of power if we collectively put it towards something like this instead of fighting over ships or actors or whatnot. I also figured that maybe we’d have readers who weren’t paying attention to the movement and that maybe because they want to submit a prompt, they’d do some research on where to donate, and that in turn helps educate them on the issue - or is at least a start.

Has it been as successful as you’d hoped? So on the positive side, I do think it’s incredible that in about six weeks we’ve raised nearly $1250 and have been able to donate to a variety of organizations. I’m incredibly grateful for the authors donating their time and the enthusiastic readers participating. I don’t mean to sound negative at all, but if I’m being honest, I do feel a little frustration at the lack of participation across the fandom as a whole or maybe more specifically across the AO3 readers. I know that my WIP chapters average about 1k hits per update. That’s a lot of people. Even if you cut that in half because maybe people are rereading, that’s still 500 people. So why are only about 20 of my readers donating to this initiative? I think it’s a bit discouraging when you look at the percentage in that way.

That’s not to say that I don’t understand that some aren’t financially in a position to donate, but I’ve made it clear that there are other ways to contribute (e.g. signing petitions, writing to politicians) and there hasn’t been traction with that either. So I think that in general, something is always better than nothing and it has in no way discouraged me from continuing this. But I’m hoping that more people are able to participate as time goes on. It’s truly a win-win situation of generating more fanfics for readers and donating to an important issue, so I hope to see the percentage of fanfiction readers submitting prompts increase and am doing what I can to continue spreading the word about it.

I guess in summary what I’m saying is, I’m proud of what the fandom has done so far, but let’s step it up. We can do more, we can do better. Maybe people will get pissed I said that, but idk. If you read fic and can buy a $3 coffee, you can donate to this cause. It’s important. As was Kara’s point, let’s not see this momentum fade when the BLM movement becomes less ~trendy~.

What are some things you’d like to recommend? Instead of writing an essay about all the fics I love, I’d like to link both my bookmarked fics which is my complete list of bellarke fic recs.

I also want to recommend visiting the Bellarke Writers for BLM Initiative writers’ page - these writers are incredible so please go check out their existing works and continue requesting prompts for the BLM movement!

On the note of BLM, I'd also like to link this article. It's older, written in the aftermath of the Charleston attack, but it remains one of the most thought provoking pieces I've read on race in our country.

it was my honor to interview burninghoneyatdusk! honestly, if you aren’t reading Voices in the Water, which is Bellarke except Clarke is an assassin, you should be. it haunts me. she also organized the very cool bellarkefic-for-blm.

#bellarke fic #bellarke #the 100 fanfiction #memori #clarke griffin #interview

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hiddendreamer67 · 5 years ago

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Borrower Analogical (16)

Chapter Summary: November 28th, 2019. Thanksgiving day. The borrowers reminisce and decide they don’t have much to be thankful for.

Check out my writing blog for more of my works: @hiddendreamerwriting

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Thanksgiving. Logan didn’t know much about the holiday, other than the fact it was another excuse for college students to go home. Of course, when the students weren’t in the building, there was hardly a reason to keep the heat on.

It had kicked off last night. Logan awoke early in the morning, shivering in the cold that had overtaken the room. Roman had left him a slight blanket but the thin fabric did little to keep the frosty air at bay. Regardless, Logan pulled it tighter around his body.

“Curses.” Logan muttered, letting out a sneeze. He could feel his body getting weaker. Logan had rarely been sick; it was of utmost importance for a borrower to stay healthy, because it was very difficult for his kind to get access to the proper medical supplies. Logan wasn’t even sure if medicine would work for a borrower the way it cured humans.

Usually during these heat breaks Logan would spend them cooped up under the radiator in the basement, pressed against it for warmth. Virgil would be right by his side, cuddled into him as though they were two puzzle pieces. Together they would generate enough heat to last through the season. Logan smiled warmly at the memory.

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“Stop hogging the blanket.” Virgil joked, pulling a bit more of the quilt around himself. There was plenty of fabric to share. It was a sea of various textures, a collection of materials Logan and Virgil had borrowed together throughout the years and then sewn together.

“As I recall, that’s my square.” Logan pointed out, tugging the softest square back onto his own lap. “You had the velvet piece last break.”

“That’s not fair.” Virgil huffed. “Summer isn’t nearly as cold.”

“Fine, I am willing to share.” Logan offered, holding it over both their legs. “In exchange, you have to go get breakfast for the next few days.”

“No way.” Virgil shook his head. “Keep your blanket, I’m not getting up from this spot for a week.”

“Virgil, you’re going to starve.” Logan rolled his eyes.

“Not when I have such a caring friend who will bring me breakfast.” Virgil did his best to look pitiful. Logan glanced around.

“I see no such friend.” This comment earned Logan a punch in the arm.

“Logan, how could you.” Virgil smirked. “I trusted you.”

“I trust you as well.” Logan smiled. “But I will not be departing from this heat source any time soon either.”

Virgil hummed for a moment. “You know, in hindsight we should have just brought some food down with us.”

“....oh.” This had not occurred to Logan. His bewildered expression made Virgil laugh.

“I thought you were supposed to be the smart one.” Virgil teased.

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The same memory kept replaying in Virgil’s mind. The borrower sighed, setting one of the half-eaten pancakes to the side and wishing they were still warm. Virgil shivered, wrapping himself in his blanket.

Virgil couldn’t help but wonder how Logan was doing. He hadn’t heard anything about him from Patton, at least not directly. It had to have been, what, a week? Two weeks? Virgil had lost track of how long he had been behind bars, and similarly how long Logan had been imprisoned. How was Roman treating him? Did he even have a blanket in this cold?

...was he even still there?

Virgil sat up, eyes widening with a sudden realization. It was Thanksgiving, both humans were gone. The apartment would be empty except for the two of them.

“LOGAN!” Virgil shouted, standing up. He cupped his hands to his mouth, pressing towards the front of the cage. “LOGAN!”

His voice echoed across the bedroom walls. Outside the wind howled against the windowpane, a slight draft coming in. Virgil paused for a few minutes, wondering if Logan could even hear him.

“LOGAN!” Virgil tried again, forcing his voice to go louder. He prayed that it would carry across the apartment, through both locked doors. He just needed a single response, one word to know that Logan was okay…

“CAN YOU HEAR ME?” Virgil’s voice began to crack slightly, feeling discouraged when the only sound he could hear was the winter storm. Logan had to be there; he had to be okay. Patton...Patton would have said something, right? The humans would have wanted to share Virgil if something happened to Logan. Of course, Virgil’s stomach dropped as he remembered that Patton had explained Roman would be the one checking in on Virgil tomorrow. Why else would the other human take a sudden interest in Virgil?

“SAY SOMETHING!” Virgil rattled the bars of his cage, shaking them in his fury. He cried out, again and again so many times his voice turned sore.

“Logan, please…” By now Virgil’s voice was but a hoarse whisper. He sunk to the cage floor, tears rolling down his cheeks. Logan had to be okay. If Logan was gone...what was there left to stick around for?

“I just need to know you’re okay.” Virgil whispered, and the howling wind drowned out his last pitiful cry.

#hey look it's sad again #tbh one of my fave bits of this story #because oof #borrower analogical #g/t #gt #borrowers #borrower #sanders sides #borrower!logan #logan sanders #logan #borrower!virgil #virgil sanders #virgil #angst #it's sad day lads #part 16

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bottomlouisficfest · 4 years ago

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Hi, hope you're doing well. Really excited about the fic fest.

But i have some questions, quite a few ones so please bare with me 😅

I wanted to ask how you determine if a person only submitted 5 prompts only? And what happens to the prompts that were not chosen or dropped from the previous fic fest?

Also about the dropped prompts, last time quite a few prompts were dropped after being chosen and it was really disheartening tbh. How do you deal with such occurrence?

Are we allowed to write fics on those unchosen or dropped prompts after the fic fest or of the previous years?

Sorry if this was too much.

We’re happy you’re excited! Here are some answers.

1) We have no real way to determine whether people submitted 5 or fewer prompts because the only way to ensure that is to require people to sign into the Google form, which would remove the anonymous factor and likely discourage people from submitting. We just hope that people respect the rules and guidelines that we set, but we know some people won’t (and didn’t).

2) We try to make it clear what the expectations of the fest are ahead of time for writers so people will only sign up if they are actually committed and we do everything we can to make the process easy for writers and offer support when possible, but unfortunately, we don’t have control over people dropping out. Our first year of the fest, 17 people dropped out (out of 69 sign ups) and last year, 50 people dropped out (out of 120 sign ups). Sometimes things come up in peoples’ lives that prevent them from finishing the fics, and other times, people just don’t take the fest seriously or don’t commit their time to their fic. As mods, all we’re really able to do is to make clear the expectations and requirements ahead of time, provide tips and support to writers along the way, and hope that as many of them as possible stick it out to the end.

3) We still have the full prompt lists from the 2019 and 2020 fests publicly available and we will do the same with the 2021 fest. Once the sign up period is over for a year’s fest, we always encourage people to write any unclaimed prompts that they might be interested in to help get more fics written from these great ideas. We also allow people to submit prompts from previous years of the fest during the prompt submission period if they want to. If you do write a fic based on an unclaimed prompt from a previous year of the fest, we do ask that you let us know so we can add a note to prevent people from resubmitting the prompt for a future fest.

Hope that answers your questions!

#asks 2021

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aaltjelng · 4 years ago

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so the lovely @languagessi sent me an ask with the numbers for the ask game but i managed to accidentally delete the ask:)) well, i decided to try to answer anyway, hopefully i remembered the numbers right haha... so here are the answers!

12. Vocab or grammar?

It’s a tough question! I guess it kind of depends on the language... I am utterly in love with Korean grammar! It might sound strange but I just find studying it so fascinating and rewarding. It also feels really nice to finally be learning a language that shares some traits with Finnish (no articles, a lot of suffixes...) I find studying Korean grammar a lot nicer than for example French grammar (although I do like that too!), mostly because I struggle a lot with remembering the genders of nouns and that makes me frustrated, and articles and genders feel kind of unnecessary to me as a Finnish speaker whereas the nuances that can be expressed through Korean grammar are really interesting.

I don’t have such strong opinions on vocab. In the beginning I did find it hard to remember Korean vocab and I still struggle with that a bit, but it’s getting better and better all the time. I think I like learning vocab the most when studying Swedish! I don’t know why, but I guess it just feels like it sticks more easily. I do love some Korean, especially native Korean words with all my heart... And learning vocab can feel super rewarding: that feeling when you spot a word you just learned in a random text and realize you can actually understand what it is saying is really the best feeling.

23. How did you get into languages?

Honestly I have loved languages for as long as I can remember. When my brother started learning English at school at the age of 9 (I was 7), I secretly listened to him and our mom studying. I also stole his English books and secretly read them by myself and tried to study.

After that I did have some time that I was just studying at school, I was always good at it but not as enthusiastic as I am now. It clicked in 2017 when I was 13 years old and I just started studying Swedish on my own. We had it in school too, but I was frustrated with how slow we were going. Somehow I just thought about the idea of studying and speaking this language and languages in general and it just made me really excited and happy. It is really difficult to explain but languages really bring out this certain feeling in me and that feeling has stayed with me since that year.

24. Why are you studying your target language?

So I actually have four target languages right now: French, Swedish, Italian and Korean. English is also a foreign language for me but I am not really interested in improving my English level as of now.

Out of these four languages, I am now actively trying to improve my Korean, while the other three are more or less on “maintenance mode”. I study those three at school as well so I am still using and studying them, just not with the same intensity as Korean.

Anyway, here’s a little bit about each of these languages and why I am studying them!

French: I started it at school at the age of 9. It was quite a clear decision for me back then, I was really interested in the language, I had been to France many times and the Dutch side of my family actually originates from France (like hundreds of years ago my ancestors fled persecution from France to the Netherlands). I really loved studying French and my interest has only grown over the years. I love speaking French, I love reading French, I love listening to French and writing in French, and I really want to get my French to an advanced level. I will probably work on my French more actively next year and really try to bring it to C1 level before my matriculation exam. Now my French is somewhere between B1 and B2.

Swedish: I started it at school when I was 12 years old. In Finland Swedish is an obligatory subject so I didn’t actually choose starting it haha but I have always loved Swedish so I was motivated from the start. My aunt lives in Stockholm and I have been there for about 20 times. My mom also loves Swedish and I think she has also been a factor in my love for Swedish. As I said earlier, Swedish is actually the language that inspired me to start actively self studying languages. I just felt so frustrated with the pace we were moving at at school and I just thought to myself: “I learned English more or less fluently mostly with my own effort. Why couldn’t I do that with Swedish too?”. English I had learned because of other factors, not really my enthusiasm about the language or language learning but more because I needed to understand English in order to understand fandom things and books and bands I loved. So I thoguht that, well, books were really the thing that brought my English to a new level, so I should probably do that with Swedish. And so I did that and studied hard and got my Swedish to an intermediate level. I studied actively for about 5 months, after that I’ve just been mostly relying on school. This spring & summer I am planning on taking the next step and bringing my Swedish to an advanced level before my matriculation exam.

Italian: I started studying Italian at school last year with my best friend. She is part Italian and I thought that because I love learning languages and I love her and there is a possibility take Italian, why not take Italian? I also love Italian history and art and Italian is a very significant language in classical music (I am studying to become a classical violinist/violist). So I have been taking Italian for a bit more than a year now and I am around an A2 level. Next year, before the matriculation exam, I’d love to get my Italian to a B2 level or at least a B1 level.

Korean: In the summer 2019 I stumbled across some videos and heard my first songs by BTS. One of them: Paldogangsan or so-called “Satoori rap”. I heard it and just instantly fell in love. It’s a song about Korean dialects, and the way the rap showcased the different sounds of the Korean language... It really inspired me. Well, other things happened in my life, I got depressed, my other psychiatric and neurological issues got worse and so on. Through that time I discovered some truly amazing and touching songs that had lyrics that really moved me to my core, some by BTS but most by Agust D, and I knew I had to learn that language, at least a little bit. At first I just learned hangul to make sure that the lyrics I was scribbling to my diary weren’t complete nonsense. During the following six months I didn’t actively study Korean, I just played with Duolingo here and there, listened to a few beginner TTMIK lessons, acquired some vocabulary I was hearing in songs...

But in May 2020 something just struck me and I just got this sudden burst of inspiration. I realized that if I really wanted to learn this language, what better time to start than now? I guess I had been feeling kind of intimidated, because I knew that learning a language, any language and especially one like Korean would take a long time. But I still remember this one post that I saw on tumblr. It said something about how usually when we think about how long learning a language will take, we feel weirded out about thinking ourselves being that much older. But the thing is, we will get older anyway. Might as well be older and know this language that you deeply love. That idea has stayed with me since. Let’s take one estimate: getting fluent in Korean will take about 4 years. In 4 years I’ll be 21. So? In 4 years I’ll be 21 anyway, why not be a 21 year old who knows Korean. And I also realized that I am still so young. I have so much time to learn so many languages. Might as well use it.

So I have been actively studying by myself for about 6 months and would place myself somewhere around the A2 level. This October I made this challenge for myself: for 100 days, study as hard as you can. Learn as much as you can and do not give up. I really want to see how far I can come if I give this my all! I’m wishing on getting to a B1 level at the end of this challenge but we’ll see. WIth Korean, and I guess with any language, it’s quite easy to get discouraged by thinking how much you still don’t know, so it’s important to also realize how much you already know. I have come so far already during these past 6 months, and I am really proud of myself. That motivates me to keep going: I learned all that, so I can learn these other things too!

Okay hahaha sorry for my very very long post and making you listen to my ramblings in my incoherent English. I just love languages so much and I could talk about them for forever!

Thank you if you read this far, I hope you have a wonderful day. <3

Aleijd

#langblrs unite #langblr #target language #language learning #language #korean #french #bilingual #swedish #italian #polyglot #polyglot problems #français #svenska #한국어 #italiano #finnish #suomi

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olliya · 4 years ago

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@darkgreyfox

Thank you for all your comments and sorry for not responding to them sooner, but I felt they needed a separate post with graphs (which required some free time in front of the laptop for me)

So, first let me quote your remarks:

I can't resist this . Talking about demographics! Nerd in me is excited. First off, I'm for all the hate you received. They can bugger off. It was amazing. Okay, back to the demographics. I have been noticing differences for some time now, in terms of community and fanfic quality. Ao3 is superior in both obviously. I have a few theories why. This is a deduction based on my own experience and rationale, not based on any actual facts. Not trying to offend anyone.

1. Starting point. FF.net, I believe, is the starting point for most young writers and readers. In general, comments seem to be more rude and less mature. Stories more generic and lower quality. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of good stories on FF.net, but there's a lot of low quality starter ones too. In general, the community in FF.net seem to be much younger. Also, personal experience, Ao3 can be quite... Intimidating for young people. The NSFW tags....Yikes.

2. The community There is a stronger community in Ao3 thanks to their comment system. Readers and Authors interact more during the stories. You get a better idea of how the author writes and thinks. Thus, you get more attached to the story and author (in a non creepy way). The stories morph into artworks you witness being made. In contrast, in FF.net, it's rather one sided. No bond. Readers move from fic to fic alone. More rushed, less bonding, less appreciation.

Sorry for the babble. The nerd in me exploded when you mentioned demographics.

So, first of all - thanks for your insight!!! I love discussing such matters!!!!! But, I have to at least partially disagree with your points. I have experience of ff.net since mid-2017 and on AO3 since very end of 2018. And for the vast, vaaaast majority of my time on the platforms my experience on ff.net was in every aspect superior. Only at the very end of TLOS (i.e. autumn 2020) I am able to agree with your impression of AO3 being better.

It can very well be that ff.net is a starting point for younger writers (and maybe it should be, as at least in theory explicit content is not allowed there) and of course, being very much adult myself, I would feel better within older demographics. Especially when it comes to the reception of my ideas - my ideas would for sure fit better to tastes of older people.

But, demographics aside, AO3 has been notoriously silent place. And this *is* discouraging for the writers. Tbh, if I have to chose between maybe not particularly mature comments (though my experience of ff.net is not limited to those!) and radio-silence the choice is obvious... It was my personal, very disappointing experience with AO3 until very recently (mid 2020, fic-wise mid-publishing of TLOS). And even with the positive change happening, I still got more comments for TLOS on ff.net than on AO3.

Also - but it is a matter of very personal taste - I prefer the private review responses that ff.net offers to that open-to-public answers to comments on AO3. Idk - maybe the fact that all answers to reviews are private on ff.net gave you the impression that writers are not answering there? They are, believe me! Just that you cannot really see it if you’re not the direct recipient.

But those are all very personal experiences... And, since the nerd in me was curious about the difference between the platforms (you wouldn’t believe how big is the nerd in *me*!!!), I also checked that in terms of stats. And AO3 is/was indeed very silent...

To back my words a bit up: in March 2020 I made an analysis of readers behaviour on AO3 while in February 2020 I made a smaller, Sakura-ships-limited analysis of reader’s behaviour on ff.net.

Here are the SasuSaku, Kakasaku and NaruSaku reviews/comments stats on AO3 (first row, separate graphs) and on ff.net (lower, cumulative graph). Sorry, for non-consistent presentation, I would have to redo the graphs...

I also made a general comparison of readers’ engagement on ff.net and AO3 (and here the bins and presentation is consistent because it was one analysis).

So, as you see the difference is pretty staggering.

But. There is a big ‘but’. Naruto fandom was on ff.net since 2003, on AO3 technically since 2010, but it was very, very weakly represented for the first couple of years there. And here comes the ‘but’. In 2018 Naruto fandom on AO3 started to gain momentum and in early 2019 AO3 publishing rate took over the ff.net’s one. Analysis is here and here. So, it might be that now (very end of 2020) there is indeed much more action going on on AO3.

So maybe, maybe AO3 has woken up recently? In 2020 there was again huge growth of Naruto fandom, and I do see more comments popping up on other people’s fics as well...

That kind of inspires me to make an analysis comparing readers’ behaviours between couple of last years on AO3... File it under ‘analysis to do’ in that ever-growing list... Ech... Once I have time... maybe in the next life...

#fandom stats #reply

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dickshardblog · 5 years ago

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For Russia With Love: The Tara Reade Story?

There are three women I know of now whose name is pronounced Tar-uh Reed. Tara Reid is an actress who starred in the Sharknado franchise. Tara Reed is an artist and designer. She designed my favorite coffee mug. And now I've learned that there is a Tara Reade, who used to work for Joe Biden.

When I heard about the allegation that Tara Reade made against Joe Biden, I was deeply disturbed. Were Biden's hands on shoulders, close-ear talking, hair petting, and hugs something more than just an overly-affectionate guy with boundary issues and a lack of understanding of personal space? It had always looked uncomfortable, but innocent, to me. And, if it's innocent, I find it strangely endearing, despite the fact that I don't personally like to be touched by strangers.

He's not just overly familiar with females. For every picture of Joe Biden petting a little girl's hair, there's another of him with his arms around a man, gazing into his eyes, or practically kissing his ear. I could do a Google image search and come up with some pretty compelling visual evidence that Joe Biden is in love with several men. He's not. At least, I don't believe so. Some people are huggers. And Joe Biden is a hugger extraordinaire.

I think the world no longer tolerates that, but I also think it is both innocent and changeable behavior. Unlike Trump, Biden does have some sense of self-awareness, can listen to criticism, and make changes.

I'll be honest: I really don't want the allegations to be true. I do have that bias, and I will freely admit it. I always have that bias. No matter who it is. Like any regular person, I don't want sexual assault to happen. I would hope we all have that bias. I hope that none of us would wish a woman had been sexually assaulted so we could have some ammunition against a political opponent. But I know better. There are plenty of people who really hope Biden did exactly what Reade says he did. And we all know it does happen, of course.

Tara Reade's story, when I first heard it, sounded credible. In a public, yet deserted hallway, Biden pinned her to a wall, groped her, kissed on her, and asked if she wanted to go somewhere else. When she reacted negatively, he said, "Come on, Man, I heard you liked me." Shit. That sounds like Joe Biden, I can hear him saying that. So, it sounds bad. I agree that we should listen to women. We should take them seriously. We should look into their allegations and dig until we find the truth. I let other people do the investigative journalism. I found their articles, checked their sources and compiled a pretty decent collection of truths that form a pretty cohesive picture.

Here's the truth that I have found:

In 2009, Reade wrote an article commending Biden's work on the Violence Against Women act. The same year, she wrote another article claiming that she'd left DC because her husband had received a job offer to manage a Congressman's campaign in the Midwest, and she'd moved with him.

From late 2016 to early 2017, she had a Twitter account using her newly married name, Tara McCabe. She used this platform to praise Biden on multiple occasions. She retweeted him saying, "My old boss speaks truth. Listen." This Twitter account also featured a lot of anti-Russia, anti-Putin sentiment.

Then, in 2018, she writes in an Op Ed for Medium which praises Russia and Putin, that she left Washington because she "saw the reckless imperialism of America and the pain it caused through out the world," and because she loved Russia with all her heart. In this article she describes Putin as a "compassionate, caring, visionary leader."

She wrote several pro-Russia, pro-Putin articles during this time, gushing over him, saying, "President Putin has an alluring combination of strength with gentleness. His sensuous image projects his love for life, the embodiment of grace while facing adversity. It is evident that he loves his country, his people and his job … President Putin’s obvious reverence for women, children and animals, and his ability with sports is intoxicating to American women … And like most women across the world, I like President Putin… a lot, his shirt on or shirt off.”

Then in 2019, she's all in for Bernie Sanders. She wrote another article, with yet a different reason for leaving, this one with the harassment allegation attached. "Then, I went to Senate personnel for help. No one helped me. I resigned or I would say, I was forced to resign." The report she says she filed doesn't seem to exist.

When she started attacking Biden publicly, she also resumed denouncing Putin. Putin was bad again. When the media dug up her old articles praising Putin, she deleted them. Too late, of course. They can no longer be found where they were originally published, but copies were made. She now claims they were part of a novel she was writing that was set in Russia. They were clearly op-eds, not notes for a novel. No novelist I know of publishes their novel notes as op-eds while they're working on the book.

There are a whole lot of other inconsistencies, people she says she told about the incident denying any knowledge, her brother pointedly changing his story, an old neighbor of hers coming forward to say she wouldn't trust a word Reade says, and countless other glowing red flags. But this blog is already so very long, and I haven't even gotten to the meat of what I want to talk about yet. This has all just been background, the evidence I followed to form my theory of what is going on with this. And I want to get it down before I read it somewhere else.

I've got a theory! It could be Russia!

Okay, hear me out. Here's what I think might have happened:

Sometime in late 2017 or early 2018, Reade somehow becomes involved in communications with Russia, a political operative, maybe even someone in the government. Hell, perhaps even Putin himself, a highly unlikely prospect, of course. But not outside the realm of possibility. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that Putin maintains a stash of burner phones and carries on flirtatiously with American Women in his spare time. It's the stuff of spy novels, sure. Yeah, it's far-fetched, but allow me my fantastic imaginings. I am a fiction writer, after all.

But a Russian political operative of some kind becomes romantically involved long-distance with Reade. Of course it's not a real relationship, not on the Russian side. They are just using American citizens as sleeper agents they can prompt to stir up shit when it would cause the most damage.

Reade is manipulated to turn against Joe Biden and encouraged to back Bernie Sanders. Now, an aside at this point. I like Bernie. I would vote for Bernie, I'd love to see him as President. I don't believe that Bernie Sanders or his campaign are involved in any collusion with the Russian government in any way, and both he and his campaign openly discourage Russian meddling. None-the-less, there still exists evidence that Russia has interfered in ways favorable to Sanders and his campaign. Russia doesn't want Bernie Sanders as President, but some of Sanders more rabid supporters are very easily influenced by carefully placed fake news stories and are extremely useful at stirring up political infighting on the left. Alright, back to my theory.

At this time, she's also advised to stop praising Russia, so as not to raise any suspicion. And, finally, to drop that allegation bomb on Joe Biden right when it would do the most damage. Hopefully to allow Bernie Sanders to overtake Biden for the nomination, but, failing that, at least send Joe limping into the General.

Yes. In a nutshell, I think the Tara Reade allegation is simply more Russian meddling of the same sort that has been going on all along. I think, in some form or another, she is a Russian agent. Maybe there is no spy novel romance going on. Perhaps she's just being paid. But this whole thing stinks of Russia, and Russia's fingerprints are all over it.

But, hey, what do I know? I'm just a fiction author with a good imagination

#tara reade #joe biden #allegation #metoo #putin #bernie sanders #Russia #russian meddling

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amieyhko · 4 years ago

Text

Escapril 2019

escaprilday 2019 // 1: a fresh start

two Costco bags full of

umma-certified clean clothes,

“unpacking cannot begin with wet clothes”

Taipei humidity is unkind.

coins clink,

white noise revs

drowning out the drizzle

as heart somersaults

to the rhythm of the cycles:

what — tum — am I — ble

doing — tumble — here?

the darks tumble its final spin

as the lights

click —

into a stop.

a whiff into a warm towel

warns me the comforts of home,

promising

of munchies, blankies, and speedy wifi

of cushy floor space where crafting

and writing past midnight can be done in secret

but —

fold — maybe — toss — I changed —

yellow blouse — or gave up too easily —

fold — or could it be —

toss — I’m listening to all the wrong voices? —

red turtleneck — no — flick —

wait, this is so soft now, I guess the washing machine in that guest house in Seoul was indeed really terrible —

fold — yes, this is how it should feel on my skin —

toss – my heart knows, though —

fuzzy sock — maybe home is where I need to be right now —

into basket — there’s nothing wrong with —

grab — starting over again.

escaprilday 2019 // 2: april showers

you said all memorable moments

include an unexpected deluge

I nod and laugh

as the metro ac pierces through

my drenched jacket

I shiver as I feel my clammy socks

cling onto my not-rainproof Docs

("they're not?" you ask in shock)

ears ringing still

from speakers booming

throat scratchy from scream-singing

at the top of our lungs.

still, you smile, shiver, and say,

with half-dazed eyes,

all good memories

end in rain.

escaprilday 2019 // 3: incorporate music

“Hope I’m not tired of rebuilding”

at this in-between

this time of heating up lukewarm lattes

and microwaving soggy french fries,

a surrendering of old and new

kindles a familiar tune:

“not what’s easy, what do you want?”

at this in-between,

the seconds between a squat and a jump

or the hours during an endless free fall,

a whisper sings an awakening:

“even a phoenix dies”

so at this in-between

muster up the strength to

inhale blue

and exhale gold.

escaprilday 2019 // 4: anxiety

lacuna

¡amiga!” he chimes like clockwork

with a sonrisa that has probably charmed plenty of hearts.

my fist bumps his and I walk toward the dark halls

where they tilt their heads forward and say

“안녕하세요” they grin,

some fake, others genuine,

mostly muscle memory.

“哈咯“ she greets as I turn the corner—

a sound of familiarity.

the velcros on my lips finally relax

till we part ways to our stations

“how are you?” their words flow dry

they probably don’t want to find out

my tongue lands on one syllable:

“good”.

escapril 2019 // 5: back to nature

I’ve a secret spot for seeing stars in Taipei City.

after a day downtown,

blasting my headphones at damaging decibels,

fixing makeup with samples at drugstores,

and chasing after buses,

I skip down the announced “platform two for Taipei Zoo”

and gaze down at the light show stage named Zhongxiao Fuxing.

as the red greens, a rush of headlights streams at me—my eyes

lose focus, my heart

leaps back into my chest just as

the home-bound metro approaches.

I’ll always remember the yard at Tiszavasvári

where we lay to see a starry night drawn by the Creator

after a day of listening to screaming children,

braiding their hairs,

and chasing after the impossible ones,

we stood in awe, jaws dropped, then soon learned

our necks weren’t strong enough

so we lay down, evening breeze

accompanied by the crickets sang a lullaby—

my eyes played a senseless game

of connect-the-dots, my heart skipped several beats

as I let go of the memories of beds and blankets.

escapril 2019 // 6: nostalgia

missing you is easy.

remembering you creeps

up in little mundanities

like a cup of fruit tea

a bottle of Clorox

or an inappropriately loud laughter--

to my consolation, yours is unmatchable.

although,

the sound of your laughter rings

quieter

till I can whisper:

escapril 2019 // 7: start with a time of day

3 a.m.

why wait

for dawn when

we can set yesterday

in flames

over this river?

escapril 2019 // 8: love poem

I cannot recall the exact words uttered

but something in my heart fluttered:

our eyes met for a millisecond

we cracked, till our breaths weakened.

our words, lost in the waves

transformed into safes

I open in my heart of hearts

to feel at home within the laughs of your loves.

escapril 2019 // 9: focus on the color

chorok hadn't found its form in

korean of old. fields of

grass and evergreens,

little plates of herbal banchan,

lush of summers,

and squirming caterpillars

all existed as paran-- that same

color ascribed to vast oceans,

and sunny skies

then one lively spring, chorok

creeped its way into our tongues,

demanding to be seen on

street signs,

the mountain tops, and

cross walk lights

though some still speak "the light

turned paran",

and the incorrigible children's tune

singing of spring

blossoming into paran,

chorok sprouts an entrance

undeniable to out naked eyes.

escapril 2019 // 10: femininity

the bus,

back slides down on the uncomfortable bus seat,

fingers stroke through my freshly buzzed head,

while many eyes fixate above my eyes,

asking:

"is she a boy or a girl?"

"is she a lesbian?"

"what happened to her… hair?"

eyes read their faces,

mouth struts a big yawn with no reflex system telling me to conceal it.

imagination floats to a stadium,

feet stands on the podium,

voice declares:

I'm still so-very-much a lady--

just not fair like Audrey,

nor dainty like a stereotype,

or as brave as Joan,

and definitely not as attractive than most

but maybe more like

the ones writing history

now.

escapril 2019 // 11: not from your perspective

most of the time I sit beside the maroon sofa

where you watch tv and transform into a potato

I wait and wait for that sweet moment

you grab my handle

travel me to a flat desk

wind me up with thread

hook me up to a pedal

switch my light on

smooth out a piece of fabric

pinned up in zig zag

then

zoom, crackle, buzz,

your hands sync to my rhythm

you pray I don’t jam

or break your thread

then you announce with pride

“et voila!”

escapril 2019 // 12: spring cleaning

it takes two countries

few cities

thirteen houses

fifteen boxes

thirty trash bags

and an infinite repetition of

"do we need this?"

for a soul to grasp the spider web line

between a desire and a necessity.

then a decade teaches the

same soul

sometimes,

spectrums soften

escapril 2019 // 13: celestial bodies

if only

seeing you was as easy as

some nightly glow at your half

reflecting off

a big blazing ball of light on my half

escapril 2019 // 14: make it rhyme

a sonnet-full of embellishments, fake

notions of how lovely you are like some

weather in summer or spring, homemade cake

that tastes like cheap flour and rotten eggs, numb

from clichés, the love songs that never shut

up, posed photos of arms around my waist,

a let-me-take-that gentleness, so what

are you doing? leaving sour aftetaste

in our hearts. no, this sonnet is not for

us. we don’t need guidelines to fall in love,

nor the recipes known to prevent war

(it cannot be all fair in war and love),

so stop. steep in this silence as your hand

finds mine in this complicated quicksand.

escapril 2019 // 15: describe a smell

a dash of prickliness:

prickly, like appa’s beard attacking my forehead as he plants a kiss.

then an overwhelming sense of saltiness:

salty, like that time I accidentally used the spoon side of the seasoning bottle

or tasting my own sweat or tears.

something rotting at slow decay.

fruit flies feast.

my nose shoots me back to

halmoni yelling something in dialect, umma replying.

I stand in the middle of the market square, I’m ten.

they promised me jjajangmyeon,

my nostrils can hold out just a minute more.

escapril 2019 // 16: any dreams?

five—

I was to be a Pokemon trainer by day

and Sailor Moon by night

but adults hung my creativity dry

seven—

a singer-songwriter

but music chose me not

ten—

fashion designer,

draw designs, sew coutures, walk the runway myself

but whispers yelled discouragements

fifteen—

couldn’t care: I was a realistic teen

now—

I tip-toe about my heart

trying my best not to pick on scabs,

unable to answer any questions

albeit an I-don’t-know

has never sounded more

comforting and clear.

hear the wounds heal

to the beat of the unicorn hooves.

escapril 2019 // 17: body as friend or foe

I was born in Guatemala,

but my father’s from Georgia

he’s a musician, he produces

K-pop albums and we travel the world

searching for the next big deal,

my mother paints apples, she’s from Zimbabwe

she also writes Chinese poems.

It’s all true—

my body deceives every bit of reality within me.

escapril 2019 // 18: a happy place

hear nose tickle

with the sound of lavender feathers

fluttering by

eyes will open up to inhale

the golden hours spent

under Your glorious dance

escapril 2019 // 19: without your name, who are you?

if an utterance of a name

can form a heart,

her name has been called by many

if each spoken word forms

a vibration into what we are,

she's a someone

whispered into a myriad of paradoxes:

she's an asteroid, crashing fast,

uncontrollable, unexpected.

she's a cup of tea, calm,

idle, ready for nothing.

escapril 2019 // 20: a liminal space

this amorphous ground feels comfortable,

excuses acceptable:

the excruciating humidity,

drowsy rain, busy friends,

false pride, miscalculating time.

they say:

Prufrock measures his life in coffee spoons,

but Zeno says nothing ever reaches its destinations.

the Knight holds his tongue

yet his heart flutters a violent beat.

I’m just another contra, letting my feet skip away

as each step echoes heart beating somewhere

back.

escapril 2019 // 21: it’s the end of the world

no zombie apocalypse,

the sun still functions,

stars are still, hearts

unbroken, no one

escaping to Mars,

no fatal goodbyes.

one silent pink noise

a purple glow,

“welcome back home”

it said.

escapril 2019 // 22: nourishment

last month, I met a little

potted plant.

I took it back to my little

suffocating room

and named it little

foggy star.

I loved it little

by little

I gave it little

droplets of water,

spoke little

words of compliment,

took it to my little

window sill

the sun peeped through

a little.

it grew a little,

I did too.

escapril 2019 // 23: when the party’s over

recollect spilled laughters —

this, for unworthy jokes,

that, for suave comments,

maybe one for someone dreamy —

bottle them up,

keep them fresh

for the next sea of

stragglers,

mutual someone,

you-look-quite-nice,

wow-so-interesting.

escapril 2019 // 24: liar, liar

how to be a compulsive liar

one: disregard empathy, embrace despondency, think selfish,

my life doesn’t have to tell truth tales, no one needs to know.

two: rehearse recollections, think practicality, use names they’d never check,

let myself believe in each detail, each sight, smell the scenario

three: speak the perfectly fabricated phrases into existence,

no need to bat an eye, stutter a detail, overthink a loophole.

for example: “yeah, the party was fun. we walked around the park afterwards.

who? oh no, he wasn’t there. he had an important family dinner.”

four: remember the lie, inform reliable partners in crime if necessary,

never bring it back, stick to your guns.

promise yourself: they can’t hurt, they’ll never know.

remember: truths hurt, they’re inconvenient, it’s none of their business.

dig: until your shovel breaks.

drown out: every kindness the world has to offer.

die: in the said dug hole, climb out just to

repeat: until trust is a pair of cracked glasses, refuse to see a redemption until

die again: learn that these walls must go —

invite: the uncomfortableness that is vulnerability

repeat: until system reboots.

escapril 2019 // 25: pick an animal

my giraffe friend

shades me when the sun’s high

and warms me when the wind’s rough,

meeting her eyes pains me with

an aching neck,

she will always stand tall in a room,

there’s no shelf too high for me,

when she’s close by.

escapril 2019 // 26: girlhood, boyhood, childhood

when I was older, I had a pair of

very pink sneakers

they'd glitter in the sun,

glamoured in gemstones for dignity

velcros loud enough to turn heads

when it was time to take them off

I glanced over my neighbors' shelves:

ugly. blue. brown. ugly. mine trampled over all.

then my eyes stood silent

as I zone in

on her pair of Gundam sneakers

secretly jealous, mostly confused,

extremely frustrated of rule-breaking

girls, defying pink, watching animation

for boys only

now, I wear boring black or white shoes

so do most humans with feet.

escapril 2019 // 27: the state of it all

“you're it!”

a harmless push from their arms

my chest thrusts back

limbs under a spell

all bones removed

“catch me if you can”

why don't you save me

'cause you can?

escapril 2019 // 28: reflection

memories retraces a blur

crooked smile

red dye fading

cigarette between your fingers

standing mostly on your right leg--

you let out a puff as i tell you “i’m imaginary.”

you say you couldn't have

so i tease you more with a kiss

“that wasn't real

that was you imagining it all

new school

a manic pixie

the loneliness got to your brains

that's all”

you flick away the cigarette

eyes reflecting my face

you kiss me back and say

“please don't do this to my brain

you're real

far too real for me i'm not smart like that”

i snicker

the buzzing bus terminal is real

you and i are real

but i'm not

you're no more

escapril 2019 // 29: may flowers

she died a few days ago—

flew off the rooftop

fallen against teeming

reborn lives

the most beautiful of flowers

only last a day or two

you said we are beautiful

because we’re ephemeral

but what happens when

fleeting moments like

a crash kilometers away

pain for someone I never knew?

escapril 2019 // 30: catharsis

yesterday, I cleaned out my room

bugs infested each and every corner

I tried to catch them but they

hid away between the nooks and crannies

whispering schemes to each other

learning the dustiest corners I’ve ignored

waiting for a perfect time to kill

so I dusted out the corners

rearranged the furnitures

repainted the scratches

thinking cover-ups should make anew

yesterday, I cleaned out my room

praying for the bug spray to kill,

I felt seventeen, rearranging photographs,

filling up a space with desired personalities,

she would have been proud

there’s nothing I’d tell her, but to say

yesterday, I cleaned my room, for another hundredth time

they say an odyssey is a cycle

ending with a catharsis

where you come clean

but yesterday, I cleaned my room

again

#poetry #poems #escapril #escapril 2019 #writing #writer #amieko #journal #reflections

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lastsonlost · 5 years ago

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LAST APRIL, Tara Reade watched as a familiar conversation around her former boss, Joe Biden, and his relationship with personal space unfolded on the national stage. Nevada politician Lucy Flores alleged that Biden had inappropriately sniffed her hair and kissed the back of her head as she waited to go on stage at a rally in 2014. Biden, in a statement in response, said that “not once” in his career did he believe that he had acted inappropriately. But Flores’s allegation sounded accurate to Reade, she said, because Reade had experienced something very similar as a staffer in Biden’s Senate office years earlier.

After she saw an episode of the ABC show “The View,” in which most of the panelists stood up for Biden and attacked Flores as politically motivated, Reade decided that she had no choice but to come forward and support Flores. She gave an interview to a local reporter, describing several instances in which Biden had behaved similarly toward her, inappropriately touching her during her early-’90s tenure in his Senate office. In that first interview, she decided to tell a piece of the story, she said, that matched what had happened to Flores — plus, she had filed a contemporaneous complaint, and there were witnesses, so she considered the allegation bulletproof.

The short article brought a wave of attention on her,

along with accusations that she was doing the bidding of Russian President Vladimir Putin. So Reade went quiet.

As the campaign went on, Reade, who first supported Sen. Elizabeth Warren and then Sen. Bernie Sanders, began to reconsider staying silent. She thought about the world she wanted her daughter to live in and decided that she wanted to continue telling her story and push back against what she saw as online defamation. To get legal help, and manage what she knew from her first go-around would be serious backlash, she reached out to the organization Time’s Up, established in the wake of the #MeToo movement to help survivors tell their stories.

The Time’s Up Legal Defense Fund was the recipient of an outpouring of donations over the past two-plus years, and is set up as a 501(c)3 nonprofit housed within the National Women’s Law Center. It was launched in December 2017 and was the most successful GoFundMe in the site’s history, raising more than $24 million. Among the accusers backed so far by Time’s Up are some of those assaulted by Harvey Weinstein, as well scores of others with allegations against executives in male-dominated industries. The group has committed more than $10 million toward funding cases.

In January of this year, Reade spoke with a program director at NWLC and was encouraged by the conversation. The fact that she was a Sanders supporter and had come forward previously in incomplete fashion didn’t dissuade Time’s Up. The program director referred her to outside attorneys, Reade said, and suggested that the Time’s Up Legal Defense Fund might be able to provide funding for PR and subsidize legal assistance.

The program director shared with Reade the note she planned to forward to attorneys, which read, in part:

She began publicly sharing the harassment she experienced in April 2019 but was attacked … online including by Richard Painter (Univ. of MN law professor who worked in the Obama administration) and journalist Edward-Isaac Dovere for being a Russian operative. There is more to the story of the harassment that she did not feel safe sharing at that time. She is looking for support in sharing her story and guidance on any possible legal action she may be able to take against online harassers. [Editor’s note: Painter served in the Bush, not Obama, administration, and ran for Senate in 2018 as a Democrat.]

The references to Dovere, a reporter with The Atlantic, and Painter stem from their Twitter posts that highlighted favorable comments Reade had made about Putin in a now-deleted post on Medium. “What if I told you that everything you learned about Russia was wrong?” she had written in one 2018 post. “President Putin scares the power elite in America because he is a compassionate, caring, visionary leader. … To President Putin, I say keep your eyes to the beautiful future and maybe, just maybe America will come to see Russia as I do, with eyes of love. To all my Russian friends, happy holiday and Happy New Year.”

Reade says that she learned about Russia and Putin through a Russian friend in her creative-writing group; she is currently writing a novel set in Russia. She wrote the post in the spirit of world peace and solidarity with her friend, she said, adding that the writing should have nothing to do with her allegation. Reade’s leftist mother had raised her to oppose American imperialism and be skeptical of American exceptionalism. She hoped that Time’s Up would be able to help push back against the attacks she knew would be coming.

By February, she learned from a new conversation with Time’s Up, which also involved Director Sharyn Tejani, that no assistance could be provided because the person she was accusing, Biden, was a candidate for federal office, and assisting a case against him could jeopardize the organization’s nonprofit status.

On February 11, the NWLC program director wrote to Reade that she “wanted to let you know that after our conversation I talked further with our Director, Sharyn Tejani, about our ability to offer funding or public relations support in your case. Unfortunately, the Fund’s decision remains the same. … Please know how much I appreciate your courage in speaking out and appreciate what you shared over the phone, that you are speaking out so that your daughter and other young people can start their careers free of harassment.”

When reached for comment by The Intercept, the program director Reade had spoken to referred questions to a NWLC spokesperson, Maria Patrick, who said that the organization has legal constraints. “As a nonprofit 501(c)(3) charitable organization, the National Women’s Law Center is restricted in how it can spend its funds, including restrictions that pertain to candidates running for election,” Patrick responded, when asked why the organizing declined to provide funds to Reade. “Our decision on whether or not to provide certain types of support to an individual should not be interpreted as our validation or doubt of the truthfulness of the person’s statements. Regardless, our support of workers who come forward regarding workplace sexual harassment remains unwavering.”

By February, Reade learned that no assistance could be provided because Biden was a candidate for federal office, and assisting a case against him, Time’s Up said, could jeopardize the organization’s nonprofit status.

Ruling out federal candidates marks as off-limits any member of Congress running for reelection, as well as President Donald Trump. Ellen Aprill, a professor of tax law at Loyola Law School in Los Angeles, said that Time’s Up’s analysis is too conservative, and the group wouldn’t be putting its tax-exempt status at risk by taking a case involving a candidate for federal office as long as it followed its standard criteria for taking on cases. “As a legal matter, if the group is clear regarding the criteria used as to whom it is taking to court, show that these are long-established neutral criteria, and they are being applied to individuals completely independent of their running for office, it would not be a violation of tax law. Groups are allowed to continue to do what they have always done,” she said.

The public relations firm that works on behalf of the Time’s Up Legal Defense Fund is SKDKnickerbocker, whose managing director, Anita Dunn, is the top adviser to Biden’s presidential campaign. A spokesperson for Biden declined to comment. The SKDK spokesperson assigned to Time’s Up referred questions back to the NWLC.

As for influencing the election, Reade said that she was deeply conflicted about continuing to come forward, given that Biden’s opponent in the general election is someone she sees as far worse politically. “I don’t want to help Trump. But what can I do?” she said. “All I can do is stand on my truth.”

Update: March 26, 2020 Reade has given an interview with podcast host Katie Halper, describing her time in Biden’s office, and what she described as a sexual assault in 1993. At the time, she told her mother, brother, and a friend who worked in Sen. Ted Kennedy’s office about the incident. Her mother has since passed away, but both her friend and brother told The Intercept they recalled hearing about it from her at the time. Reade’s friend, who asked to remain anonymous so as not to be part of the public blowback, said she discouraged Reade from coming forward at all, concerned that she would be attacked and would never get the apology she was hoping for. Reade and her brother, Collin Moulton, both said that their mother urged her to call the police, but her brother urged her to move on instead. “Woefully, I did not encourage her to follow up,” he said. “I wasn’t one of her better advocates. I said let it go, move on, guys are idiots.” (Moulton, who lives in Georgia, said he voted for Gary Johnson in 2016 and has no intention to vote for either Biden or Donald Trump.)

The experience in Biden’s office derailed her life, Reade’s friend said. “Back then people assumed girls just get over it,” she said. “But no, it plants a seed and lives can spin out of control. Yes, everybody’s an adult, but guess what, so is he.” At the time, there was just no way that Reade’s effort to right the wrong could succeed, her friend said, but this time, she’s determined to be heard. “It was the ‘90s,” she said. “There was no Me Too. There was no Time’s Up.”

Update: March 27, 2020

The Biden campaign has denied the allegation, releasing two statements, one from Communications Director Kate Bedingfield and the other from former executive assistant to then-Senator Biden Marianne Baker, who served him from 1982-2000.

Bedingfield’s statement:

Women have a right to tell their story, and reporters have an obligation to rigorously vet those claims. We encourage them to do so, because these accusations are false.

Baker’s statement:

For nearly 20 years, I worked as Senator Biden’s executive assistant and supervised dozens of employees who reported to me. I took very seriously my duties with respect to human resources, following the direction of a Senator whose insistence on a professional workplace was embedded in our culture. In all my years working for Senator Biden, I never once witnessed, or heard of, or received, any reports of inappropriate conduct, period — not from Ms. Reade, not from anyone. I have absolutely no knowledge or memory of Ms. Reade’s accounting of events, which would have left a searing impression on me as a woman professional, and as a manager. These clearly false allegations are in complete contradiction to both the inner workings of our Senate office and to the man I know and worked so closely with for almost two decades.

#Joe Biden #creepy uncle joe

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sofya-fanfics · 5 years ago

Text

Traveling

For Borusara Week 2019 Day 2 with the prompt : Traveling.

I’m sorry for the mistakes, English is not my mother tongue. I hope you like it.

@borusarafics

Disclaimer : Naruto and Boruto : Naruto Next Generations belong to Masashi Kishimoto, Ukyo Kodachi and Mikio Ikemoto.

Boruto looked at the landscape flashed past. The train had just left Konoha and accelerated towards Suna. The five Kage summit took place in a few days and he was accompanying Sarada, who was the new Hokage. He had kept his promise, he was with her and he would do anything to protect her. But he would have wanted that Sarada become Hokage in other circumstances. The war had ended a few months earlier and peace was still fragile. During this war, they had lost people they loved. Naruto had died in battle, protecting the village and trying to save the world. Boruto clenched his fist. He had not can save his father. He had not been strong enough and he had not been fast enough. He blamed himself because he could not do anything. He still had his mother, who was the shadow of her former self, and Himawari, who was inconsolable. He had to be strong for them.

He glanced at Sarada, who was focused on her paperwork. She had lost her parents during this war. Sasuke and Sakura had died in battle with Naruto. The legendary team 7 had fought until the last moment.

‘I'm alone in the world,’ Sarada had told him with sobs in her voice at her parents' funeral.

They had remained in each other's arms, trying to get some comfort. But Sarada was wrong. She was not alone. Even if she did not realize it, he was there and he would stay with her forever.

A few days after the end of the war, Sarada was named Hokage. This was not surprising, she had been Naruto's student and had been preparing for years. Since that day, she buried herself in her work, as if it was the only way for her not to sink. Konoha was in reconstruction. It was not easy, but thanks to Sarada’s work, the village gradually got its former glory back.

The regular movements of the train and the silence that prevailed in the car were almost relaxing. Boruto felt the tiredness overcome him. He tried to resist, but his eyes closed slowly until he fell asleep.

******

It was always the same nightmare. He was on the battlefield, the same day he saw his father die from the enemy hands. He went over this memories again and again and he could not do anything to save his father. In the distance he heard Sarada’s cries of despair, when she discovered her parents’ corpses.

‘Boruto.’

He turned around. Sarada was next to him and gently shook his arm.

‘Boruto, we have arrived.’

Boruto suddenly opened his eyes. He looked around and realized that he was not on the battlefield, but in the train. He got his breath back. Sarada was sitting next to him and was gently touching his arm. This simple gesture appeased Boruto.

‘You're okay ?’ Sarada asked.

Boruto smiled and nodded. It was useless to worry her because of his nightmares. They got off the train and were greeted by Kankuro who escorted them to the Kazekage office.

******

It was the end of the day. They still had another two days before returning to Konoha, Boruto thought as he lay on his bed. It was not his first time in Suna but he always struggled with the dry heat days and the cold and damp nights. Boruto was exhausted, but he did not want to fall asleep. He could not stand the same nightmare night after night. He did not want to see his father die anymore and he did not want to hear Sarada screamed anymore. He fell into a doze, but he tried to resist to not fall asleep. After a moment, he heard someone knock softly on his door. He wondered who it could be at this time of the night. He got up and opened the door. It saw Sarada, she looked undecided and was about to leave.

‘Sarada, are you okay ?’

‘I could not sleep and ...’

She looked away, ashamed.

‘I'm sorry, I should not have bothered you. I will go back to my room.’

‘No wait.’

He took her hand to prevent her from leaving.

‘You don’t bother me. You can come in if you want.’

Sarada nodded and Boruto let her in. He invited her to sit on his bed and he sat next to her. An awkward silence set in. Sarada burst out laughing, breaking the silence.

‘I feel stupid.’

Boruto laughed too. He felt exactly the same thing.

‘I understand. I also have sleep problems lately.’

Suddenly, the embarrassment they felt, vanished. It was as if they went back in time, before the war and its horrors, when they were still happy. They talked and laughed for hours. They did not realize they had fallen asleep.

******

Boruto slowly opened his eyes. He had not had any nightmares. It was the first time in months that he had slept so well. He turned to look at Sarada asleep in his arms. She seemed so peaceful. Boruto smiled. He felt good and did not want it to stop. He hugged her and went back to sleep. He awoke a few hours later and saw that Sarada was gone. He felt like a void inside of him.

******

The next two nights were the same. Sarada knocked at Boruto's door, who let her in, and they spent the night laughing and talking until they fell asleep. Little by little, Sarada and Boruto were smiling again. But when Sarada left, Boruto felt that void again. Their stay in Suna ended and they took the train back to Konoha. The atmosphere was different, relaxed and appeased.

A few days later, Boruto left the Hokage office to come home. It was very late at night, but he did not want to leave Sarada. She had to force him to go home so he could rest. Since they had returned to Konoha and Sarada was no longer sleeping next to him, the nightmares came back. Apparently, only Sarada could appease him.

‘Boruto ! What are you doing here at this time ?’

Boruto turned around and saw Shikadai.

‘I could ask you the same thing.’

‘I have just returned from a mission.’

Seeing Boruto's emotion, Shikadai told him to follow him. They both went to the statue of Naruto. Since the statues had been rebuilt, Boruto loved to go there. He had a feeling that his father was with him. Boruto sat down, while Shikadai laid down to look at the stars.

‘So,’ Shikadai said. ‘Are you going to tell me what's wrong ?’

‘Nothing important.’

Shikadai looked at Boruto.

‘Do you still have nightmares?’

‘Not really. It's just that...’

Boruto sighed loudly.

‘Something happened in Suna and ...’

He stopped talking. He could not explain what he felt. He did not understand it himself. What he was certain of, was that he wanted to be with Sarada.

‘It's about Sarada,’ Shikadai said.

Boruto looked at him, surprised.

‘It made sense,’ Shikadai added.

‘That's not what you think,’ Boruto said. ‘We only slept. But it’s only with her that I feel good and the nightmares stop.’

Boruto ruffled his hair nervously.

‘I don’t understand what's happening to me.’

Shikadai burst out laughing, which annoyed Boruto.

‘You're an idiot. No, in fact, you are two idiots. It's been years since everyone had noticed the feelings you have for each other. Except you and Sarada.’

‘It's ridiculous. We have known each other since forever. Sarada and I are just friends. I never had feelings for her.’

‘Are you sure ? Think about it.’

Boruto thought back to all the moments he had spent with Sarada. All these little moments shared. Good and bad. The fact that he needed her and she was the only one to make him smile. And the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he had always had feelings for Sarada. She was more than a friend. He loved her. But did she feel the same ? According to Shikadai, she did. Boruto stood up abruptly and ran toward the Hokage office. Shikadai smiled.

‘He finally understood.’

He returned to star gazing. Things were now in Boruto's hands.

******

Boruto ran as fast as possible, passing through the roofs to be even faster. He finally arrived at Sarada’s door. He knew she would be here, she almost lived in her office. He raised his hand to knock, but stopped. He could not get into her office like that and tell her he loved her. It was crazy. He did not have time to think more about it because the door opened and Sarada appeared in front of him.

‘Boruto, what's going on ?’

‘I need to talk to you.’

Sarada frowned at his serious look and let him in.

‘What do you want to talk to me about?’

‘It’s about what happened when we were in Suna.’

Sarada looked away, embarrassed. She hitched up her glasses, which slipped from her nose.

‘We only slept, that's all,’ she said.

‘I know. But now I see things differently. And I'm sure you do too.’

Sarada blushed and hitched up her glasses once again. She’s too stubborn, Boruto thought. She was not going to make things easy. But he had never let himself be discouraged, and it was not going to start now.

‘These past few months have not been easy,’ Boruto said. ‘For neither of us. It was the worst time of my life. But in Suna, when we were together, I was happy. It had been so long since I had felt that way. I realized that I only feel that with you. Always.’

Boruto stopped talking for a few seconds. He could not turn back the clock. He had to tell her.

‘I love you. I have always loved you.’

Sarada stared at him wide-eyed.

‘Boruto, I ... we can not.’

‘Why not ? I know you feel the same as me.’

Sarada closed her eyes and had to keep herself with all her strength for not to cry.

‘I lost the people I loved,’ she said. ‘If I lose you too, I will not be able to get over.’

‘So, for not suffering anymore, you prefer to make the both of us unhappy. It's selfish.’

This sentence had the effect to make Sarada react. She looked up at him, furiously.

‘How can you say that ! If you really know how I feel, then why don’t you want to understand !’

Boruto approached her and took her hands. Sarada tried to take them out, but finally let herself go. Boruto pulled her towards him and put her hands on his heart. Sarada could feel his heartbeat quicken.

‘I know it's scary,’ he said. ‘Believe me, at this moment, I am much more afraid than in any battle.’

Sarada smiled. Boruto smiled too. She was ready to open her heart.

‘When I'm not with you that I feel like I go out of my depth. And I don’t want to live without you.’

Boruto moved his lips close to hers and they kissed him. He expected her to push him away, but she did nothing and kissed him back. Boruto blamed himself for being so late to realize his feelings for her. But he would not make the same mistake again. He loved Sarada and he would spend the rest of his life with her.

The end

#borusaraweek19 #bsaweek19 #borusara #borusara fanfiction #boruto uzumaki #sarada uchiha #boruto: naruto next generation #fanfiction #naruto #My writing

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