#It’s a very cute video btw!! I suggest checking it out :)

[darlingcloudie-9]

miscellaneous doodles ft. the duo of all time

[gasstationlady]

tom holland’s school of manifestation | a charles leclerc social media au

pairing: charles leclerc x supermodel!reader

charles has a big crush on world renowned supermodel, y/n l/n. who would’ve thought she’d return the feelings.

notes: very much travis kelce x taylor swift inspired. faceclaim is yasmin wijnaldum! btw i try to improve with each post (like how i write/pace the story) so if you have any suggestions, pls (veryvery kindly) tell me!! :))

disclaimer: SORRY FOR TYPOS. GOOGLE TRANSLATE (and from american high school lol) FRENCH. KYM ILLMAN MENTIONED LOL. none of the information in this social media au is factual. i do use old photos of charlotte and charles, and usually i don't like to include pictures of their ex or current gfs in these fics (only bc i want to keep it as imaginative as possible and i feel like adding them kinda gives you a reality check while reading LOL) so lmk your opinions on that!

masterlist

voguemagazine

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc and 854,487 others

voguemagazine Since beginning modeling at the age of 14, Y/N L/N has cemented herself as the most influential supermodel of all time. As of 2023, she is now the world’s highest paid model surpassing Kendall Jenner who previously led the list. Throughout her career, she has made 39 appearances on international Vogue covers.

Tap the link in our bio to read the full profile. Photographed by @/leannafitz, Written by Phil Stevenson, Styled by @/sheri_simmons, Vogue, February 2023.

View all 942 comments

user MOTHER IS MOTHERING

user omg as someone who has been a fan since she began in 2011, i’m so proud of her 😭

user she's the definition of perfection

user LOL ariana (charles), what are you doing here

↳ user his little crush on her is soo cute 😩

↳ user he’s just like us fr lmaoo

user her walk is legendary like it reminds me so much of naomi

user i was gonna say she’s the model of our generation but that’s wrong. she’s actually the top model of all time 😩😩😩

user i’m glad to see a non-nepo baby be on top of the list

↳ user no literally like no shade to bella, kendall, and them but y/n had to fight tooth and nail to be here

↳ user frrr bc most of the nepo baby models are great, don’t get me wrong. however, they were allowed to make mistakes during their career in order to improve. y/n was not privileged enough to have that. like ppl don’t understand the insane expectations that were placed on her ever since she entered the industry, but she exceeded those expectations every. single. time. and that’s why she deserves this title

user she’s so beautiful

user i would die for y/n

user nothing could describe the amount of affection i have for this woman omfg

charleslc_updates

42,077 likes

charleslc_updates Charles and Arthur talking about Y/N L/N (again lol) in a recent interview 👀

View all 396 comments

user lmaoooooo relatable

user omg i'm new to f1 but i've always been a y/n stan i'm freaakkkinng out but wdym again??

↳ user lmaooo charles is always trying to bring up y/n

user the leclerc brothers 🥰🥰

user it was so cute to see the both of them in one video

user this man fr blushed AHAH cute

user i get it charles i too have the biggest crush on y/n

↳ user lol literally like get in line dude

↳ user back of the line bucko

user i've never seen a man so down bad for someone he's never met

user y/n what are you doing girl if you don't want him ILL DO IT

user @/yourusername

↳ user LMAO YESSS @/yourusername

ynupdates

239,095 likes

ynupdates Y/N opening the 2023 Chanel by Karl Lagerfeld show during Paris Fashion Week.

View all 3,977 comments

user omg she absolutely killed it

user god does she need a dog? i can bark

user i love seeing her thrive

user quick charles this is your chance!!! she’s in paris 😭😭😭 @/charles_leclerc

↳ user lmaooooo not you tagging him but literally though

↳ user no srsly please mr. "i hope our paths cross soon" you don't understand i need this to happen

user yall saw that walk??? ugh y/n the woman that you are

user i don’t get the hype. all she does is walk.

user NAHHHH SHE ATEEE THAT

user i’m so happyyyy 🥺 y/n is so booked and busy she’s really out here doing multiple back to back shows for paris fashion week

↳ user same! it’s crazy that she gets to open and close multiple shows, especially ones like chanel!

user i love that so many people are going to these shows just to see y/n

user i could make this exact dress with my curtains

user if i ever meet her in real life i would die happily

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, bellahadid and 5,490,124 others

yourusername rien de mieux que d'etre a la maison [no place like home]

View all 12,658 comments

gigihadid sexy lady

↳ yourusername already missing you

user i keep forgetting she's part french

user you absolutely KILLED those shows

voguemagazine iconic ⭐️

alexademie 🔥🔥

user beautiful girl!!

user omggg charles liking this LOL

↳ user it's actually frustrating me that this man has no game like i'm rooting for you cmon

↳ user lmaooo literally though i'm just hoping he's pulling some strings behind the scenes

anokyai 😍😍😍

user la plus belle fille [the most beautiful girl] *liked by charles_leclerc

↳ user if this is him shooting his shot 😭😭

↳ user lol charles is down so bad he's even going through the comments

user am i just crazy but why are there two drinks in the second post? like is this supposed to be a very soft launch

↳ user it's probably gigi 😭😭 she did comment saying that they were hanging out with each other

↳ user but why not just take a pic of her tho

deuxmoi

31,844 likes

deuxmoi Y/N L/N & Charles Leclerc spotted hanging out with each other in Paris

View all 992 comments

user NO WAY OMG

user i'm actually in disbelief how tf did charles get here

user i knew you could do it charles!!

user TURN IT UP IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE

user so are they dating???

user CHARLES FR WINNING RN AHAH

↳ user NO LITERALLYYY HES BEEN DREAMING ABOUT THIS FOR AGES

↳ user he manifested this 😭

user they look sooo good together

user why does he look so srs

↳ user give my man a break 😩

↳ user well it looks like he’s not your man anymore 😭😭

user omgg this is like a fairytale

user wait i'm kinda obsessed with this

user i’m so invested

kymillman

201,885 likes

kymillman Y/N AND CHARLES

Ferrari driver Charles Leclerc is joined at the track today by top supermodel, Y/N L/N. This is the first time Y/N is with him and she clearly shines in front of the camera.

Her debut at the grid has quickly become a popular topic as fans and drivers alike are intrigued by the presence of one of the most famous women in the world.

For A3 prints, hand-signed & numbered by a range of drivers/team principals head to kymillman.com #f1 #formula1 #signedprints #japanesegp #CharlesLeclerc #Y/NL/N

View all 971 comments

user SHDJEJ IM ACTUALLY GOING FERAL

user mom and dad 😩

user so it’s official???

↳ user i mean this is the hardest launch they could have done other than posting 😭

user i’m a charles fan and even i’m surprised he got her to date him

user i’m rooting for them so much 🥺🥺

user she’s serving though

user i’m watching the race rn and they literally keep talking about y/n being there AHH

↳ user i always forget she’s kind of a big deal

user kym gets on my nerves but this picture is actual gold

user it's so obvious that this is a publicity stunt

↳ user nah but for who? bc i know damn well that neither charles nor y/n need it

↳ user obviously not for them but maybe it's to gather more attention for f1

↳ user girl i need u to listen to urself rn 😭 bc that makes no sense

user idk who charles is and idk what the hell f1 is but best believe i’m tuning in next race just to see y/n

↳ user literally me girl i can’t believe i’m watching cars drive in a circle rn

yn_updates

91,922 likes

yn_updates Some moments of Y/N being mentioned by drivers during the Formula 1 race

View all 1,061 comments

user i swear it was like every minute i'd hear y/n's name

user the way that all the drivers are aware of charles's long time obsession with y/n LOL

↳ user i just know charles is the type to never shut up about her ahaha

user she's literally THE y/n l/n. i mean if viewers are sky rocketing just by her being there, imagine her impact if she had actively promoted it

↳ user she's so iconic

↳ user no bc i love y/n so much that i just forced myself to watch rich grown men vroom vroom in circles for almost 2 hrs just to catch a glimpse of her

user i'm in love with her life

user LMAOOO THE DRIVERS TEASING CHARLES

user lando's so funny 😭😭

user y/n and f1 stans are being FED today wow

user is it just me or am i kinda annoyed about how often they're bringing her up like my girl can't even support her bf in peace

↳ user yea i'm eating it up but also feeling bad for y/n at the same time. the attention is definitely a double edge sword.

user apparently she was with joris most of the time 🥺

user this is literally straight from a fairy tale i can't

user didn't they just meet like a week ago

↳ user as far as we know they were first spotted together about a month ago by that deuxmoi post. but assuming from y/n and charles's past relationships, i don't think they'd be this comfortable going public without being together for a while

↳ user yea this has definitely been going on longer than we think/have been seeing

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, gigihadid, landonorris and 7,712,083 others

charles_leclerc J'ai toujours su que c'était toi. Joyeux anniversaire, mon amour ❤️ [I've always known it was you. Happy birthday, my love]

View all 34,511 comments

yourusername merci, mon cœur ❤️ [thank you, my heart]

yourusername je suis raide dingue de toi [i'm madly in love with you]

↳ charles_leclerc l'amour de ma vie [the love of my life]

user are we interrupting something...

user i can’t believe it’s already been 6 months since they first went public

user throwing myself down the stairs as we speak

user they don't know it yet but we're actually a throuple

user happy birthday y/n!!!

user in love with their love 🥺

user lmfaoooo i just know charles is on cloud 9 this man literally sees y/n and is blind to everything else

↳ user he's sooo cute, he's like a love sick puppy

user i still think this is a pr relationship

user god i'd die for someone to look at me the way charles looks at y/n in that second pic

user this is my roman empire

user i'm so obsessed with them it's insane

user our generation's brad and angelina

↳ user don't say that wtf my parents are never separating

user pls don't ever breakup 😭😭

[mrvlbimbo]

His secretary but in a porno way 

Saul Goodman x reader

20ish year age gap, spit kink kinda, creampie, he fucks his secretary (not in the office sadly), idiots in lust, major sexual tension, I can't tell if this is out of character for him or very very in character, Saul talks a big game but he's kinda subby when push comes to shove. Also im warning y'all this probably isn't very sexy bc they're just very goofy the whole time. BUT it is very cute! there's a mention of viagra but I'm not a doctor so I probably got it wrong, ignore me hehe

4.1k words btw

Frankly, she was getting a bit tired of being ignored.

Sure, when she got hired by a sleazy seeming lawyer almost twice her age she was actually a little concerned about the idea of him checking her out.

But there was something about him that made her want him to look at her like that, maybe it was because he absolutely refused to.

About a month in, she switched to pencil skirts that were a good three inches shorter and as far as she could tell, he never noticed. She had to strut into his office one day in a skirt that barely covered her ass before she could even get him to say anything about it.

"Look. I don't want to tell you how to live your life, female empowerment and all that, yeah. But this isn't a great part of town and if you're going to wear stuff like that, I just worry ya know?" he shook his head, genuine concern lining his tired face.

"Right, sorry Mr. Goodman." She ducked her head in shame, embarrassed that her unprofessionalism hadn't made him madly lust after her; it had just made him call her out for being unprofessional.

"You know what? Wear what you want, just- Would you let me drive you home?" her heart started beating out of her chest at the suggestion. It was the only indication he had ever given that he cared for her more than just as the person who got him coffee in the morning.

After that she went back to more sensible skirts, still a bit shorter than was professional but nothing to write home about. When paired with tight low-cut sweaters, stiletto heels, and thin mesh tights held up by a garter just above the hem of her skirt, she felt like a sexy secretary from a cheesy low budget porno. In the best way of course.

She knew she wasn't ugly, that couldn't be the problem. He never wore a wedding ring either, not that that would have stopped her.

Maybe he was just a good guy? A guy who didn't have any fantasies about banging his hot young secretary on top of the desk in his office. Although, she highly doubted that.

But she still had no proof that he wanted her. Until one glorious night when she was locking things up and she decided to power down his computer for him, only to be met with the home screen of a porn website.

She couldn't hold herself back from looking at his watch history and she was surprised in the very best way to find titles such as,

"businessman getting a blowie under his desk during a meeting" "lawyer fucks his hot young secretary" "older man younger woman" "office sex" 

She really should have turned off his computer then and there, but instead she watched a few of the videos.

There was one that appeared in his searches multiple times, so she figured that would be a good place to start. And she was right to pick that one.

The female actress bore a striking resemblance to her, like if she wasn't wearing her glasses she could totally mistake it as one of her (frequent) sex dreams about getting down and dirty with her boss.

She tried to stay calm, she really did, but now that her suspicion was confirmed he was even more on her mind. And she really started to notice the way he looked at her when he thought she wasn't looking.

Glancing up from his papers when she yelped "whoops, dropped a pen!" and watching her bend over just enough so he could see her lace panties and the bit at the top of her thighs where her hosiery ended.

And she just narrowly missed the way he slid a hand into his pants to relieve himself.

But she had gotten more bold, leaning over his desk to show off her chest anytime he asked her a question. Brushing her hand on his shoulder and arm when he walked by her and always standing close enough for him to smell her perfume.

She also started accepting more rides home, making it an almost nightly thing.

At first he parked on the street and let her walk up to her apartment by herself. But this wasn't good enough for her.

So maybe she hired one of the kids next door to give her trouble one night and make it seem like she was in more danger than she was, not that it could be proven. But it worked like a charm because after that he always walked her to the door.

It seemed like every time he dropped her off they stood at her doorstep for just a bit longer, if only she could get him to come into her apartment.

There wasn't a lot of rain in Albuquerque so when it started pouring one night just before she was about to leave work, she knew it had to be fate.

"Mr. Goodman, can I get a ride home please? It's raining pretty hard out there." She may have imagined it but something in his face changed when she said his name.

"Of course, dear. Just give me a minute to grab my things," he replied simply.

Dear, that was new. He rarely ever called her anything other than her name. Sometimes he called her Miss and it felt delightfully old fashioned.

Their car rides were always quiet but this time it was silent, having to pay close attention to the road due to the rainfall coming down hard.

Despite the rain, he still walked her to the door, his gray suit jacket darkened by the rainwater by the time they arrived.

"Can you drive in this?" she asked tentatively. 

"We'll see," he sighed, reaching out and putting a hand on her shoulder. He gave her an awkward pat, both of them cringing at the exchange.

"Wait- Uh, why don't you stay. Just till the rain clears up, please." The lie formed quickly, her thoughts grasping for an excuse to make him stay.

“I uh- I don’t want to impose.” As the words come out of this mouth, the weather worsens, hail coming down along with the rain and making it seriously dangerous conditions.

"No really. I mean like who's gonna pay my bills if my boss dies in a rainstorm?" she giggles a bit awkwardly, giving him a pleading look to just agree so she doesn't have to keep going with her unconvincing charade.

"You make a good point. Plus I can't leave my lovely assistant to brave the storm on her own, now can I?" His words were in agreement but he still seemed hesitant, eyes glancing back and forth from her to his car parked in the street.

"I mean you can, but you really shouldn't." She tried her best to make her voice breathy and seductive, twirling his paisley tie around her fist and tugging it slightly.

"Oh and why is that?" his eyes widened as he looked down and met hers, pupils blown wide although he assumed it was just from the dim light outside.

"Because I want you here," she cooed, pulling him into the apartment behind her and slamming the door.

In the dirty part of her brain this scenario went down a very specific way, she pushed him against the closed door and they had their way with each other. Sometimes it was slow and sensual, sometimes it was fast and hard but she had fantasized about it many times.

But then there was reality, in which she led Saul into her apartment and they sat on the couch in awkward silence.

"So uh... can I get you anything, Mr. Goodman?" she asked, while reaching her hand over to suggestively run up his thigh and batting her lashes at him.

"Just Saul is fine. And I'll have a gin and tonic." She could see the way his body tensed at the contact and she wasn't quite sure if that was a good thing.

"I guess you could say I better call you Saul." She giggled at the corny joke, hopping off the couch to mix him a drink.

"That's clever, I should get you to help me with commercials." She smiled to herself while mixing the drink as she thought of the idea.

"Well, as long as I get to spend more time with you." She stood behind him, passing the glass over his shoulder and then perching her hands there, gently massaging the sore muscles. "Mr. G- Saul, I mean...whoops."

He laughed lightly, putting a hand over hers on his shoulder. "It's ok."

"So..." she started

"So?" he prompted when her words stalled, anxious to hear whatever she had to say.

"Long day?" she asked as if it wasn't obvious by the tension in his shoulders.

"They're all long days," he grumbled, leaning into her touch, much to her approval. 

"That's no good. You're always so stressed. Taking care of everyone else, but who's gonna take care of you?" There was no way other than suggestively to interpret her words. The tension of them hung in the air until he responded.

"Isn't that your job?" he asked, his voice deeper than usual. The gravely tone made her want to giggle like a schoolgirl with a crush on her professor and the irony of it was not lost on her.

"Oh please. You barely concede to letting me get your coffee in the morning. Sometimes I feel like you're the secretary and I run a very successful phone answering company." She sighed and rounded the couch to sit down next to him.

"You really are clever," he mused, leaning his chin on his palm and staring at her with a small smile. Then he snuck his hand over onto her thigh much to her surprise, but not an unwelcome one. 

"You're the clever one, sir." Her hand traced over the back of his, putting gentle pressure on his fingers and urging him to squeeze the soft flesh of her thigh. 

And he did squeeze, just a little bit. But it was enough to make a shiver run down her spine. "Don't call me sir, it makes me feel old." His voice was a low growl now, eyes staring her down like predator to prey. 

“Men are like wine, they get better with age.” Her voice was heavy with lust, their faces so close together now that her warm breath was brushing his cheek. Her fingers crawled up the arm of his suit jacket, dark manicured nails clutching tightly to the fabric to pull him dangerously close. 

"Still raining like hell out there, huh?" He pulled back, leaning back on the couch and looking forward to the dark tv instead of at her. It was a clear effort to cool down the tension of their situation. 

"Yep, looks like you're stuck with me for the night. I'll grab you something to wear to bed." She rushed out of the room, mentally kicking herself both for coming on too strong and for not fully committing.

She needed this night to go the right way so she could fuck him and get it out of her system. But it was so easy just to talk to him, that wouldn't do.

Her heels clicked on the hardwood of her bedroom floor as she paced around thinking of a solution. Simple flirting wasn’t going to work with him, maybe it was his moral code or maybe he hadn’t gotten laid in a while but it was like trying to get into the pope’s pants. 

After grabbing a pair of sweatpants for him, she frantically dug through her underwear drawer, coming up with a forest green nightgown after tossing the contents of the drawer onto the floor of her room. 

When she arrived back in the living room with the pair of sweatpants for him to wear, he had already stripped down to his boxers. Embarrassingly, she squealed, slapping a hand over her eyes and tossing the sweatpants in his direction. 

“Ooh lookit that, you’re so tiny without heels on.” His eyes raked over her body, quickly coming up with an excuse for the transgression. Although it fell flat when contrasted with the hungry look he couldn’t seem to hide. 

“Shuddup, you ass,” she giggled, grabbing a pillow and smacking him with it, somehow using the momentum to “fall” into his lap. 

Her knees were on either side of his legs so she was straddling him and her hands clutched at his shoulders to steady herself. “Is that any way to talk to your boss?” He teased, reaching out and twirling a strand of her hair around his finger before tucking it back behind her ear. 

“No, sir. I guess I’ll have to find some way to make it up to you, huh?” She leaned in, lips just barely brushing his as she whispered sensually. The intention in her words was clear. 

“Jesus christ. Is this really happening?” he shakes his head as her sharp fingernails scratch down his bare chest, breath hitching when her hips jerk against his. 

“I don't know what you mean.” She blinked at him innocently, hands resting on his waistband just above the obvious bulge showing through the gray sweatpants. 

“I mean the fact we’re living the plot of a low budget porno. Frankly, I’m just bummed we can’t drive to the office and make it more immersive.” His hands slid under the green lace and mesh of her nightgown, groping at her hips and leaving an indent from the ring on his pinky finger. 

“Would you want that? You wish we were in the office right now? Wish you had me pinned against one of those stupid fucking pillars? Or maybe sitting pretty on your desk?” Her glossy lips glided over his neck, leaving pink marks on the slightly tanned skin. 

“Hey! The pillars arent stupid. They’re dig-” Before he could finish, she was smashing her lips against his, her tongue slipping into his mouth skillfully and halting any words he might have been trying to say. “-nified. The pillars are dignified,” he panted out, slurring his words slightly despite only having one drink. 

“Aw, they’re really not. But it's cute that you think that.” Her hands cup his face in a surprisingly gentle way, her soft hands brushing his jaw and cheeks as she seemingly studies his face. 

“Cute? Seriously?” he scoffed, eyebrows furrowing in frustration. 

“Yes. You’re cute. You make this little face when you’re thinking where you scrunch your lips into a line, it's very cute.” The brushes her thumb over his lip, just barely sliding her finger past the seal of his mouth and pressing down on his tongue. He wrapped his lips around her finger, sucking enthusiastically and swirling his tongue around the pad of her finger. 

He practically fucking whimpers when she pulls her finger away and sucks it into her own mouth, humming at the taste of him. 

“Is that why I'm here? Because you think I'm… cute?” He gasped when her lips went back to his neck, sucking and biting his sensitive skin. 

“You’re here because I want to fuck you ‘til the sun rises, but I suppose that’s part of it too.” Her hand slipped under the waistband of his sweatpants, pleasantly surprised that he had slipped out of his boxers when she wasn’t looking.

“O-oh. That might just kill me,” he groaned, hips jerking up into her hand. 

“Oh what a terrible way to go,” she giggled, moving off his lap and sinking down to her knees between his legs. 

The sight of her on her knees for him, tongue lapping at the precum on the tip of his cock, was absolutely sinful. The most he could do to stop from blowing his load right then was grab a fistfull of her hair and hold her still. “Woah woah, ok one sec. I'm going to cum if you do that.” 

“On my face or in my mouth?” she asked, a mischievous smirk pulling up the corners of her lips. He gulped when she ran her tongue over the length of him. Her movements were careful and teasing, heeding his warning and slowing her roll to give them more time. 

“I’ll fuck-” she seals her lips around his cock, taking him down her throat until her nose is pressed flush to his stomach. “I’ll let you know.” 

She looks up at him with desperate eyes, trying to communicate just through the fluttering of her eyelashes that she was trying to say, fuck my throat. 

He got the message loud and clear, tangling his hand in the back of her hair and somehow forcing himself further down her throat if that was even possible. 

Drool started to pool at the corners of her lips, salty tears spilling from her eyes and dripping down onto his cock. “Jeez you are fucking incredible,” he whimpered, hands now brushing her hair back gently and keeping it out of her face. 

Just as he was about to cum she pulled away, her saliva mixed with his precum dribbling down her chin. “As much as I love having your cock in my mouth, I need you to fuck me.” 

She stood shakily, tumbling forward into his arms and back to her place on his lap. She pressed her mouth to his messily, giving him a taste of his own cum on her tongue. 

“You dirty little slut,” he murmured against her lips, his hands reaching down to squeeze her ass as she licked into his mouth. 

“Creepy old perv,” she countered with a wink, reaching her hand down to clutch his weepy cock, dragging the head of it against her warm entrance. 

His head fell back against the couch, hands grabbing her waist so hard it was probably going to leave bruises. She’d need to think of a good excuse to wear something that exposes them. 

“Touche. Do you have a condom?” He turned to reach for the cabinets next to the couch but she stopped him, grabbing his wrists and bringing his hands back to cup her tits. To which he reacted with wide eyes and a labored breath. 

“I have a latex allergy,” she lied quickly, head fuzzy with the idea of him inside of her. 

“No you don't. You’re allergic to peanuts and bees.” He scrunches his eyebrows at the random lie, taking a second to flaunt his random knowledge of her. 

“Fuck me raw?” she offered with a bubbly grin on her cheeks that he couldn't seem to say no to. 

If his eyes were wide before, they were practically popping out of his skull now. Concequences be damned, he was going to fuck his secretary raw and fill her with his cum if it was the last thing he did. “Well if you insist. But my doing it on the couch days are behind me, mind if we take this to the bedroom?” 

With minimal warning he stood. “Saul, oh my god!” she yelped, her legs wrapping around his waist to keep her steady in his arms. 

“I gotcha,” he grunted, strong wiry arms wrapping around her back and holding her to his chest as he made the trip from her living room to the bedroom. 

He tossed her onto the bed and she giggled as he frantically shoved his pants off and crawled onto the bed to hover over her. “I think I just threw my back out,” he groaned as he kissed down her neck and groped at her chest and thighs, bunching up her nightgown to run his fingers through the slickness between her legs. 

“I’ll give you a massage later, sugar,” she cooed, fingers tangling in the short hair at the  back of his neck, nails slightly digging in in a way that was both painful and pleasurable. 

“Pet names already?” he teased, tucking his finger under the straps of her dress one by one and easing her out of the garment, kissing every new stretch of exposed skin. 

“Just shut up and fuck me.” with her legs around his waist, she flips their positions so she’s on top, hands on his chest to steady herself as she looks down at him with hunger. 

“Yes ma'am.” His voice was practically a whimper, a new side of him that she was quite enjoying. Who knew the bigshot-always-in-charge Saul Goodman liked to let go a bit in bed? 

His breath caught in his chest when she slid his cock into her with relatively little difficulty, despite its size “Feels alright?” 

“Fuck yeah. ‘S really big,” she moaned, moving her hips as much as was possible while still recovering from the large intrusion stretching her. 

“If I knew—if I—” He tried to say something but his head was swimming with the feeling of her warm heat squeezing the life out of him. 

“So that's how to get you to shut up?” she teased, nails scratching his chest as she started to bounce on his cock and take his breath along with any coherent thought that might’ve still been floating around in his head. 

“Faster, c’mon,” he groaned, fingers digging into the flesh of her hips and urging her to increase her momentum. 

“You don't get to m-make demands,” she growled, her hand curling his neck and squeezing just enough to make him whine. “I’ve been wanting you for months, let me take my fucking time.” 

“Touch yourself for me, baby. I know you want to.” He takes control of the thrusting. With his bruising grip on her hips, sliding her up and down his cock and brushing that spot deeeep inside of her that made her see stars. Meanwhile her skillful fingers snaked down between them to play with her clit. 

And this is when he gets really into it, curses spilling off his lips along the lines of “Fuckin’ perfect little slut.” “Shoulda done this ages ago.” “This pussy is mine, ya hear?” “All fuckin’ mine.” 

“Yeah, you love this pussy?” she whined, her hands shaking now as they both lost control. 

“You know I do.” The filthy sound of skin slapping together was almost overpowering his choked out words, the slight twinge in his back not nearly enough to ever make him think of stopping. 

“Cum in it,” she demands, tightening around him and practically sucking him in farther if that was even possible. 

He obliged her demand of course, because who is he to deny the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen while she’s cumming on his cock. 

“Whoo,” she shouted, hips rolling against his with vigor to milk every last drop out of him. 

“Holy mother of god. I think I’m dead.” He stares up at the ceiling as she struggles off his lap with shaky legs. 

“I think you’re fine, considering the fact you're still hard. Dead men can't have boners.” She giggled slightly, fingers dancing over the head of his still sensitive (and hard) cock. 

“Shit. I took some really strong viagra before this. I’ll uh…handle this,” he grumbled, pushing her hand away and replacing it with his. 

He watched her every move as she got out of bed, cum leaking down her leg. His cum. He touched himself to the sight of it and for the first time, he didn’t feel like a pervert jerking off to her. 

“Be back in a sec,” she muttered, going into the bathroom and leaving him to his own devices. 

He waited patiently for her, only granting himself little teasing touches until she returned. “Have I ever told you that you have the most perfect tits?” he groaned, reaching over with his free hand to squeeze her boobs.  

“No, you hadn’t mentioned it.” She sighed when he rolled over and buried his face in her chest. 

“Fuckin’ perfect tits.” His voice was muffled by her aforementioned tits, but he got the point across by mouthing at the sensitive skin. “Can I mark ‘em up?” he asked, not bothering to listen to her response before he was biting down and leaving red marks that would fade out into a dark purple later. 

“Guess I’ll have to start wearing those low cut sweaters again,” she teased, one hand petting his hair while she reached the other down to play with his neglected cock. 

“You always know exactly what to do, I—fuck—you’re so—” his words stutter out as he cums again, his spent body shaking against her. 

“Perfect?” she finished, quoting his earlier compliment. 

He gave a content sigh, nuzzling his face into her chest and wrapping his arms around her waist tightly. “Yeah.”

************************

whelp... that was certainly an experience, I hope y'all had thoughts about it

I know I did!

lmk if y'all have idea for this pairing I kinda love the idea of Saul with a hot young secretary

[fandomlovingfreak]

Why Can’t This Be Love (1/2)

Eddie Munson x F!Reader

Rating: SFW (no lemon)

Includes: Enemies to Lovers, Upside Down

Word Count: 1234

MasterList Link I AO3 Link I Wattpad Link

Summary: Two Part Story!

"I bet you they'll end up confessing their feelings for each other by the end of this." "Doubtful. Eddie's been a total dick to her the entire time. Even when she's helping him, he's a jerk."

Disclaimer: I do not own Eddie Munson or the Stranger Things universe. This work has not been created for profit or financial compensation, and is a transformative fair use work in accordance with Section 107 of the United States Copyright Act.

Notes: Inspired by prompts by @givethispromptatry 

(great prompts btw they really did get me excited to write!)

Enjoy

Steve and Robin watch as the two animatedly argue over... well, practically any and everything they can.

"They're cute," Robin says as (y/n) smacks her hand against Eddie's chest, yelling at him about something.

"They're ridiculous," Steve says, kicking a rock.

"I bet you they'll end up confessing their feelings for each other by the end of this."

"Doubtful. Eddie's been a total dick to her the entire time. Even when she's helping him, he's a jerk."

Robin shrugs, "He's just... bad at this. Tell me, can you remember Eddie Munson dating anyone in High School? Cause I can't. But, I do know what pining looks like, and that," Robin nods towards Eddie, who is watching (y/n) stomp off, a bewildered but interested look on his face, "is some serious pining."

Steve makes a sound in the back of his throat, "Whatever you say, Buckley. I've known (y/n) for ages. She isn't into guys like Eddie."

Robin turns towards her best friend, eyebrows raised in disbelief, "You're kidding. She's just as obsessed with him as he is obsessed with her."

"No way," Steve frowns, "She doesn't seem to like him at all."

"She's obsessed. Trust me."

"Why don't we make a friendly wager?"

Robin scoffs, "A wager?"

"If you're right, and somehow miraculously, (y/n) and Eddie end up together--"

"Confess their feelings. I never said anything about them dating!"

"Fine, confess their feelings," he says in a girlish voice, "I'll do your shifts at Family Video for a whole week, still collecting your check for you. If I'm right and she wants nothing to do with the greasy son-of-a-bitch, you do my shifts for the week, Deal?"

Robin thinks it over for a moment before sticking her hand out to him, "You've got a deal, Dingus."

***

The bastard is yelling after me. Does he not know when to give up? Eddie Munson wants so badly to be the hero, the leader, but when it comes to solving the problems and finding solutions to the very large problems we're facing against this-- Vecna creature, he's a total dud!

And most infuriating of all things he's done, he questions my judgment. At first, I tried to be understanding. The poor guy had seen the Queen of Hawkins turn into a human pretzel, for Christ's sake.

But, being sympathetic to Hellfire's little "leader" was starting to become a real pain in the ass.

"I'm not doing this right now, Munson!" I yell back, trying to put some distance between us before I ripped his stupid head off.

Since we willingly went back into the Upside Down, he's somehow become worse. It's starting to get on my nerves that he won't let me out of his sight, telling me how dangerous everything I solution I suggest is.

He doesn't know you fought Demogorgons and the massive Mind Flayer in the mall last summer, I try to remind myself as I sit behind the Upside Down's version of a Ford Escort. He's probably overwhelmed, and being an obnoxious ass was his way of coping with the truth that an alternate reality exists... and he's currently walking through that alternate dimension.

I bump the back of my head against the rusted car door, feeling like an ass myself for screaming at him. To be fair to myself, I was overwhelmed too... Not every day do you get trapped in an alternate dimension that parallels your own with your friends and the guy you've secretly had a crush on for years.

Eddie was a year older than Steve and I, not that you'd know it since we'd graduated and he's still in high school. Everyone at Hawkins High knew he was a freak, including me. The guy who created a club specifically for the losers wasn't popular with the popular kids and the jocks, no-brainer.

Unfortunately for my crush, Steve and I ran with jocks, with the kids who spent Fridays at parties getting blackout drunk on cheap vodka. Hellfire and the jocks didn't-- well, didn't mix.

But damnit, despite being able to secure a date with any guy I wanted, I only seemed to notice him.

The bad-boy, forbidden fruit sort of guy, was appealing to me. Maybe it was because he so didn't want anything to do with me, or maybe it was because I knew being involved with him would freak everyone out, and that was exciting.

The want to rebel against dating the Basketball captain, blond ken-dolls, wasn't the only thing that drew me to Eddie Munson. He was fucking hot, and no one else seemed to realize it.

Which was equally fine with me as he was more obtainable then, but also frustrating because no girls gossiped about him like they did Steve and other boys. I never once saw his name written on the bathroom stalls with little hearts or heard girls giggling around the sinks about his stupid long hair like they did with Steve. It made me more self-conscious to think Eddie was cute when no one thought so, so I kept it to myself. Not even Steve knew about my crush on Eddie Munson. He would've thought I was certifiable for being attracted to Eddie of all people, which is exactly why I never confessed anything of the sort to my friend.

A ripping sound unlike anything I've ever heard comes from the sky. I look up, eyes widening at what's happening to the space above. The dull grey and reds of the Upside Down sky has torn, a new, blood-red gash floating across the sky. I've seen a lot of weird shit since El stumbled into our lives, but this... this is new.

"Holy shit--!" I hear Steve yell from somewhere behind me. The gash starts to expand, glowing orange through the crepey layer of skin that hasn't yet broken. Slowly but menacingly, that thin layer of... whatever this is, begins to rip with the tension of the tearing sky.

Suddenly, it's like the worlds gone silent, the gash opening completely, the dark figure we've only imagined seemingly appearing from nowhere.

The silence, I realize, isn't silence at all as it ceases, but an intense, otherworldly scream. My ears ring with the aftershock of the gash in the sky opening.

Holy motherfucking shitballs-- this was nothing like anything we've faced.

I exhale hard, my entire system in shock from everything that's transpired in the last minute or so. The figure, covered in dark and sinewy thick burnt ropes of flesh, turns towards me. If I had been frightened by the back of the figure's body, I'm fucking terrified of his front.

"Oh fuck--" I whisper to myself as the creature takes a slow step towards me. Sharp rocks and broken glass rip at the palms of my hand as I scramble to stand and run back towards my friends.

"(y/l/n)," Eddie's voice rips through my building terror. His hands feel solid against my arms as he hauls me up to my feet. "Oh, Jesus Christ-- what the fuck is that?" The distress in his voice would be funny if we weren't about to be annihilated by a demon without a nose.

Instead of answering him, I take action, grabbing his hand and running like hell back in the direction we came from. Hell no, am I letting a noseless freak murder us.

To be continued...

[stormblessed95]

Hi! I’m kind of new to Jikook, but I went through like literally every popular bts ship’s moments before hand to make sure I like wasn’t seeing things. And well I came to the conclusion that Jikook is very likely more than just a ship.

I just had a small doubt though. I know that all the members are super close and stuff, but what throws me off is when certain skinship happens. Like when v kissed jungkooks nape sometime during the LY tour, and right in front of jimin no less?? Idk if you’ve seen it. Jk…idk what his reaction was, tbh I’m not rlly good at reading expressions and I’m afraid I might be biased if I try to guess what it was. It was weird cause I’d seen jikook happily jikooking along for that entire tour.

I know like for sure that nothing is going on between taekook bc of all the times tae has literally shut it down (and just their platonic bond in general), so don’t think for a second that I’ve gone down that path aha. I just don’t know why tae would do that in front of jm if jikook were in a relationship (which I believe they are?). It confused me since like jk seems like one to set boundaries between jimin and the members (as one prolly would do when in a relationship). What’s weird is that I’ve seen hobi kiss jungkook on the neck too but it just looked super cute to me but it didn’t rlly surprise me. I know that some jkkers might suggest fs but it just seems hypocritical to label it as fs. As far as I know bts doesn’t need it, and I’m pretty sure you’ve made several posts agreeing with that.

I’m sorry for being so critical lol, I know that one moment shouldn’t affect my view on Jikook. But I’m kind of a stubborn person loll. Am I just doubting myself over nothing? Is what tae did completely normal? I’m sorry if this comes off as rude or smthing I swear I love jikook w all of my heart lol. You seem rlly objective abt things so I thought I would ask you.

Btw here’s the link to the vid it you haven’t seen it (it’s not the compilation vid I saw it from but it’ll do lol): https://youtu.be/_veSq3aS6qY

Well, hello 😂 I'm glad you trust my opinions though! Lol BTW, I have a post in my masterlist about the tannies love bites/kisses & rosebowl if you want to check that out. But I wouldn't worry about that one moment. Tae and Hobi in particular seem to be of one mind in the way that if it's close to their face, they will kiss it. Lol and the Tannies all kiss each other, all the time basically, the maknae line especially. It's just another way of showing their love for each other. The nape kiss doesn't look sexual or exciting at all. It's just a simple kiss. Nothing new for any of them. And no, its not fanservice, no matter who it's between. They love each other, so they give out little kisses. All of them.

Tae buried his face into Jimin's nape with a kissy pout during WP

Hobi kissing the maknae line:

Maknae line kissing Jin:

Jimin kissing Tae and Tae kissing JK (they all kissed Tae on random parts of his head/body during that same TK kiss video):

Jimin burying his face in Namjoons neck while JK pinches his cheeks and makes pokes around his face at the same time

Jihope kisses (or the amount of almost kisses it looks like they have lol)

Tae kissing Hobi, Hobi kissing Tae:

JK kissing RM for his birthday:

And the iconic moment of Tae getting drunk, posting all over the place, including posting photos of him kissing his Jimin plush doll as a goodnight. Lmao

Not to mention the amount of times they stick their hands down each other's shirts. Lol and yes, there are video moments for all of these photos if you want to go find them. The TK kiss is a cute little TK moment, but I don't think it proves or disproves anything, personally. In the end it's important to form your own opinions about it all and everything you see. Hope this helped you though!

[dinosaurtsukki]

BSD x university au hc’s | pt. 1

hi i am an absolute slut for university au’s in case you couldn’t tell so i just had to write some for my first BSD post. also this is going to be slightly ooc because i am a crackhead

check out pt. 2 here

***********************************************

Atsushi Nakajima:

he’s definitely the kind of guy who still had no idea what he’d take up in university even after he was accepted 

either wants to not major in anything at all or just major in everything because he’s also scared that he’ll eventually not like what he’s majoring in

so for his first two years you’d probably find him jumping around different classes 

also he still calls the professors ‘teacher ____’ like a high school student and everyone laughs but thinks its cute

eventually, because of his *cough cough* traumatic childhood he decided he wanted to help children by becoming a guidance counselor

he ends up taking Child Psychology and bOY does he love it so much

well he actually just loves all of his classes because Learning is Fun

although because of his *cough cough* traumatic childhood he’s the one in class that people are all like 👀👀

atsushi: *talking about children’s responses to fear and emotional abuse by talking about his own emotional abuse*

the professor, under their breath: wait, do you need help?? 

i can definitely see atsushi as a Roommate of the Year kind of guy. he’s just so polite and tidy with his room. also he’d definitely be the type to take care of plants inside the dorm room and put them on the windowsill

in terms of extracurricular activities, he’s definitely a sporty type of person so i can see him joining a varsity (something like Frisbee because he likes things that go whoooosh) but he’d probably join a student org that does stuff like community outreach

because of all this, he is a Very Busy Boy but his friends do manage to drag him out to parties once in a while

although atsushi would probably sit in a corner and drink only one beer for the entire night 

he’s notorious for helping drunk people though. most of the time he’ll be putting blankets on people and making them drink water

if he knew how to drive he’d definitely be the designated driver

Akiko Yosano:

omg i’m so excited for this i love yosano so much 

she’s the friend who’s just effortlessly awesome all around and a fricking MED STUDENT to top it all off

she gets a bit too excited when it’s dissection time but it’s alright she has good intentions 

probably the only one in your class who doesn’t go and throw up whenever a cadaver is being used (actually do they still use cadavers i have absolutely no idea)

she also interns at the local hospital as part of her degree program but OMG yosano will not stop telling disgusting stories about the patients she’s had

everyone: *eating lunch peacefully in the dining hall*

yosano: so i pulled a guy’s toe out of a meat grinder this morning

everyone: sHUT UP

for some reason she still has a social life despite being a med student and it’s one of the mysteries of life i guess

yosano LOVES going out clubbing on friday nights. if you have the fortune of being her roommate, be prepared for make-overs and being dragged with her out to the city

she’s such a social butterfly like at every bar you go to, the bartender knows her name and her regular order. she’d probably end the night befriending a couple more people

also she’s amazing at karaoke i kid you not

as for extracurricular life, i don’t think yosano’s the type to join an org that’s related to her major cause like ‘what’s the point?’

instead, she’d probably go wherever her friends are because to her, she’ll enjoy any activity as long as she’s with people she loves

but when it comes to her own interests, i can definitely see yosano as someone who loves the outdoors, especially hiking after having to be cooped up inside clinics

it just makes her love and appreciate the value of life more

Kunikida Doppo:

ok, i KNOW he was a math teacher before he joined the ADA bUT i can’t help but think of him as a political science major ??

i can definitely imagine kunikida as someone who’d want to become a lawyer someday and would take political science as a pre-law

he does like the idea of following in the footsteps of great men but omg kunikida would absolutely hate the exclusivity of white, male political theorists

he is such a good student except for when his professor has some sketchy values then kunikida will !! fight him !! every !! chance !! he gets !!

raises his hand constantly to contradict his professor if they even tRY to defend thomas hobbes and authoritarianism

but other than that he’s probably the most diligent student out there. kunikida genuinely enjoys doing the readings for class and writing essays

also has such a balanced schedule that he can make time for anything and everything

except for when his friends dazai drag him out to parties and get a social life

despite how rigid he is, kunikida has absolutely no problem helping out others with learning. he often holds study sessions in his dorm room or in the library before exams

he also likes to volunteer in tutorial centers because he’s just like that

OH OH some of his ‘students’ suggested that he make crash-course type videos for political science and it took some convincing but eventually kunikida decided to go for it

he’s not the most tech savvy or photogenic person so it took some time for him to get used to things but after seeing all the comments from people who benefited from it, he decided to continue with his crash course videos

whether or not he’s the best or worst roommate is completely up to you. if you like someone who’ll basically micromanage your life from your daily schedule to your study habits, you’ll absolutely love him

he doesn’t like to go out for parties that much but he will if his friends convince him enough (kunikida’s an utter lightweight when it comes to drinking though)

Osamu Dazai: 

i genuinely have a hard time thinking about what this guy’s major would be and tbh even his friends have been wondering what dazai’s major was for TWO YEARS

that’s because he keeps taking the most random ass classes like Basic Pottery or Intro to Molecular Biology in the same semester

idk how he even plans to graduate at this point

although to be honest, i can definitely see him as a philosophy major despite the fact that i LOATHE every male classmate i’ve had who’s a philosophy major (idk they’re always so condescending)

i feel like dazai’s just taking that because it’s somewhat challenging for him but to him, university life is just more of crazy experiences rather than learning

and oh my god has he gotten up to the weirdest shit

the number of times he had to climb gates or sleep on benches at three a.m. is too many to count

dazai also loves volunteering for random things like people’s thesis projects (once, he offered to be a snake venom tester to a bio student and they told him that was illegal) or even being the school’s mascot in games

also he and kunikida probably met each other in freshman year at an intro to philosophy class and oh my god did dazai get on his nerves

what’s worse was that they had to work on a group project together and dazai was MIA most of the time and it drove kunikida crazy

that is until dazai showed up last minute to pull an all-nighter with him for their paper and kunikida just couldn’t help but be impressed by dazai’s ~~intellect~~

they don’t exactly get along but they do have some mutual respect for each other enough to work on projects well

omg if dazai ends up being your roommate I WISH YOU LUCK 

the first time you walked into your room dazai was microwaving a metal bowl and you had to run to stop it in time

also he has a tendency to wear his headphones and sing his favorite double suicide song out loud 

kunikida please come pick him up

Edogawa Ranpo:

i love this one man so much i swear to god 

ranpo is definitely the kind of person who just didn’t like school so when college applications came around he was just like ‘why bother though ???’

his friends did convince him by saying that he wouldn’t have to do subjects he wouldn’t like and just focus on his major (this is a lie btw)

is it a surprise that ranpo would choose forensic science ?? NO

he thinks its cool that he can learn about something he’s already super good at and it just gets him really pumped up to show off how good he is

LOVES getting praised by his classmates and professors

ranpo probably thinks lectures are boring as hell so sometimes he just,,, doesn’t,,, come,,, to class

if attendance IS required you can bet he’s bringing snacks and game consoles with him and sitting WAAAAY in the back of the room

Mukbang at a Lecture Hall with Edogawa Ranpo

his classmates think its cute that he puts on glasses before doing exams or answering his prof’s questions as a way to hype himself up

everyone calls him ‘The Greatest Detective’ and ranpo LOVES IT

despite that, he’s not too overly social he just likes being with his close group of friends UwU

he’s also someone you can drag around to places like the fair or an aquarium, but he’s not into clubbing or drinking for that matter

he DOES enjoy seeing his friends get drunk and mess with them though

ranpo isn’t into joining student organizations BUT he gets scouted a lot by detective agencies and he likes interning for them

i’m saying detective agencies because police are gross

ranpo did end up joining a baking club with the assumption that he would just be EATING the cake and not BAKING the cake

yeah he was just there for less than half a semester

***********************************************

taglist (check out my post for details on being part of my taglist): @waitforitillwritemywayout @tpwkatsumu @laure-chan​

[juupajaa]

Hi Julle, I was wondering if you have any hot and spicy tips for managing anxiety and stress on a regular basis. I'm going through a massive transition in my life and it's causing what kinda feels like a permenant panic attack; and it's making me realize that I don't really have any coping mechanisms other than ignore it and hope it goes away. I know you get anxious too and I was wondering what are your go-to ways to handle it healthily? Thanks for the advice and I love you btw ❤

Man I hate massive transitions in life 😵😵 I hope it goes well baby, I love you too💖

What coping skills work for me might not work for you, so for example my main coping methods are planning ahead and making checklists, but for someone else they might be completely useless as ways to relieve stress or anxiety. Another example would be meditation and mindfulness, they don't work for me at all as a stress reliever, because I only get really in my head if I stop to "calm down" so to speak. Mindfulness etc. works for me better as a tool in therapy, not as a way to cope. So try things out and see what works for you specifically.

But you asked for my go-to coping methods so here they come:

Planning ahead and preparing. For example, if I know that tomorrow I'm doing something that makes me nervous, I plan my day out the night before so that I don't have to worry about it tomorrow. I do this often with meals too, I usually already know what I'm eating the next day.

Checklists. I love getting achievement points, like that's pretty much what keeps me going in life, so when I get to check something off a list, it immediately makes me feel good and calmer. I have a monthly checklist and a daily checklist that I do regularly, but if there are stressful days coming up, for example, an exam week, I make myself a checklist of everything I need to do to make the workload seem more manageable.

Distractions. This could be anything but my usuals are either working on some project I have (songs, drawings, writing, dolls, crafts, whatever) or just straight up starting a new save file on some really grindy video game that I can sink a ton of hours into to get a break from stressing out or to soothe anxiety.

Cleaning. No joke, I'm one of those assholes who like to clean. But seriously tidying up your space can work wonders, even if it's just your bag or your desk. I go into full on cleaning sprees if I'm anxious, and that makes me feel like I have some control over things and that I'm not just sitting around doing nothing. It's not for everyone, but I like it.

Being forcibly gentle😠💝 Sometimes I have to walk myself to the kitchen to make myself tea, put on a sheet mask and sit my ass down, whether I feel like it or not. I tend to be really hard on myself and it's been really strange for me to start practicing this, but it's helped a lot with how I deal with anxiety and stress. My therapist usually ends our sessions with a suggestion that I should do something nice for myself that day and by now I've added selfcare into my daily checklist so I remember to do it more often.

Talk about it with someone. It's one of my least favourite but definitely one of the most effective ways to make stress and anxiety more manageable. I hate it, it's uncomfortable, it's embarrassing, but it really does help, especially if you have a tendency to overthink or if you have a lot of disaster scenarios running in your head. I talk with my mom, my friend and my therapist about the things that stress me out and it's always a good decision when I do. They usually have really good advice and offer to help out where they can, so it's worth the discomfort of bringing it up.

Retail therapy. Unless you're filthy rich, this isn't very sustainable, but in small doses it can be very effective in short term relief. One of my favourite retail therapy moments was when me and my mom went and bought everything pink we saw in a store to make me feel better after crying all day. It worked pretty well ☺💖 Just buying a cute pair of socks or a cool looking soda can might already give you a boost for the day.

Fake it until you make it. This doesn't always work for me, but sometimes it helps to just adopt a more confident posture. If I'm walking some place and feel uneasy, I might start imagining how someone really cool would walk and then try to walk like that. Often if I'm waiting for something somewhere, I might spend sometime playing a role in my head where I'm some secret agent or a mysterious poet or whatever. It helps me to stop thinking about how anxious I am and it also helps me feel more confident. It might sound super stupid but try it, it's pretty fun 😂

I hope even one of those will help you out. Try things out and see what makes you feel calmer and safer. It also doesn't hurt to ask yourself sometimes, what would help you right now and what you'd like to do right now, and see what you come up with.

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching Good Omens (ALL OF IT)

my favourite novel is now my favourite mini-series and IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL

under the cut: a very long, spoilery six-episode reaction to MY NEW FAVOURITE THING EVER

--

may 31st 07:36pm nz

i posted my episode 1 reaction a couple hours ago but that got ZERO NOTES so i assume people are either avoiding spoilers or aren’t interested, which is fine, but i’m just gonna put all my reactions in one big post so anyone who IS interested doesn’t have to read 6 separate posts c:

edit june 1st 04:08am: btw i watched using a free trial on amazon prime, which i’m pretty sure is worldwide. soooo if yOU WANT TO WATCH THIS, YOU CAN, FOR FREE

--

EPISODE 1: In the Beginning

--

04:03pm

idk how much i’m gonna type, whether i’ll post a reaction to the entire thing in one post....... or how much i’ll end up watching right now

kinda want to spread it out and save it as a treat for after i’ve done some writing

but right now i wanna watch before writing

so maybe i’ll do one ep, write something, then return to this?

edit: aahhaha that didn’t happen

-

04:04pm

I’M SO EXCITED

I’VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG

well... since 2011 when i first read the book

but regardless it’S BEEN 84 YEARS

-

04:05

okay first off i did not know amazon prime did adverts at the start of their videos. so i was like SINCE WHEN WAS CHILDISH GAMBINO/DONALD GLOVER IN GOOD OMENS

and then

yeah

no

either way i thought it was a good opening

-

W A R

NING

cool cool cool cool cool

-

omg i’m used to where the netflix full-screen button is, and on amazon prime that’s the “next episode” button so i gotta be real careful

-

dear god my video quality is TERRIBLE

i.......... i might torrent this show and watch it offline

this is horrendous i can’t see a damn thing

i have never seen pixels this big

-

04:11

okay the quality calmed down after a minute

i loooove the intro, i love that it’s basically word for word from the book

i feel like i’d find it funnier if i hadn’t read the book 3 months ago

-

also? god is a woman? yes

-

04:13

is it just me or does the snek have a slightly david tennant-esque quality about it

-

i’m so happy adam and eve are black

-

04:17

omfg. aziraphale said “ineffable” and now CRAWLEY’S CHECKING HIM OUT TRYING TO SEE IF HE HAS ANY JUNK

WOW

...or y’know, looking for a flaming sword. SAME FUCKING THING.

-

also i looove how FLUFFY azi is

-

azi: “do hope i didn’t do the wrong thing”

i fucking love them both uhrgughhhuhuhughuhhh

-

04:21

small sob for cuteness

umbella wings

-

04:23

in the opening titles, crowley just stopped a spaceship and aziraphale turned it into fish

i feel like that was a douglas adams reference and i’m on board

-

04:25

the entire time i read the book, up until i saw video promos of this show, i thought “crowley” was said the same way as spn’s “crowley”, as in “crahwlee”

not “crOhwlee”

i definitely like that they’re different though

both probably named after aleister crowley tbh. all of whom are queer.

-

THOSE SWAYING HIPS

i haven’t found david tennant attractive in about 9 years but WHOOOP HELLO AGAIN

somehow attractive for entirely different reasons than before. like. my taste changed but tHEN

-

i’m on crowley’s side, taking down a cellphone network is VERY ANNOYING

-

04:35

crowley: shitshitshitshithsit

:D

i can’t wait for aziraphale’s big swear

-

04:37

i miss eating sushi

sushi was great

-

04:43

this baby delivery thing is sTRESSFUL

“aaaaurthurrrrr”

nooo

poor lady

-

04:45

“little toesie woesies”

where’s the sister mary loquacious fan club and where do i sign up

-

i’m glad they colour-coded the babies and did the playing card explanation because this part of the book always tied my brain in knots

-

05:00

this is reminding me how utterly gross england is

-

“MY POINT IS............. DOLPHINS”

YES

-

05:06

see in the book

i never once realised that the nanny was crowley in disguise

-

05:11

digging the snake tattoo sideburns

-

05:14

and yeah the short hair looks good

-

05:15

fINALLY crowley called azi “angel”

-

05:17

crowley: “oh no no don’t do your magic act, pleeease”

the magic act scene is one of my fave parts of the book <3

-

05:20

aw man they cut out the best part

i mean i get why

the kids shouted a bunch of gay slurs at aziraphale

and there were no secret service people with guns

but aw mannn

AND THEY CUT OUT THE BIT WITH THE DEAD DOVE AND CROWLEY BRINGS IT BACK TO LIFE FOR AZIRAPHALE

THAT WAS MY SINGLE FAVOURITE BIT OF THE BOOK

AND IT’S GONE

;C

-

OH WAIT

THERE’S THE DOVE

OH GOOD

-

aw man aziraphhale just brought it back himself

i liked it better in the book

they sat on the steps outside and crowley comforted azi and took the dove and fixed it for him, and then it flew off

idk i just had such a perfect image of that moment in my mind and this was..... good but not the same at all

could be gayer

-

05:27

good dog

-

05:28

crowley: *snifsnif* something’s changed

aziraphale: “oh it’s a new cologne, my barber suggeste--”

crowley: “no no i know what you smell like”

gayyyyyyyyyy <3

-

05:31

okay that’s ep 1 watched!!! i’ll watch more maybe later tonight :D

ENJOYING THIS SO FAR

not as gay as expected ........YET

needs 400% more “angel” and “dear”

--

EPISODE 2: The Book

07:42pm

pillar of salt guy: “something smells evil”

the fact crowley smells evil and yet aziraphale likes his company regardless says a lot

-

07:49

fully expected crowley to say “i didn’t fall, i sauntered vaguely downwards”

-

07:50

iiiii’m finding the narrator a little annoying

maybe it’s because i read the book so i know what’s going on

but saying “he has four items to deliver in his van. he works for this postage company and he’s making his first delivery in a formal warzone”.... idk i feel like all of those things could be shown visually? saying it rather than showing it probably saved seven seconds of airtime, but damn

-

07:56

i wonder if the narrator was a later addition to this, for new audience clarity? the script for god just seems a little stilted, idk

edit: i kind of got used to it, but it was still jarring, which i’m sure was the opposite of the intended effect

-

08:09

the saddest newt

-

08:13

she’s kind of exactly how i imagined her in the book

and definitely my fave next to aziraphale and crowley

-

08:17

i feel so bad for crowley’s plants

poor babies

-

08:19

for some reason i imagined her as a redhead. kind of more like mrs weasley

-

08:33

these wee children......... so soft.......... so smol

-

08:25

v happy with the casting for pepper

tiny downside is that we lose another redhead

-

08:29

i find the kids’ conversations hilarious because they’re the same age as harry potter when he goes to hogwarts the first time

idk if this is what eleven year olds are like in real life, but when i read the book i did feel distinctly like they spoke like eight year olds

-

08:35

crowley: “i like spooky. big spooky fan, me”

he just sounds like the tenth doctor

-

08:36

YEEE FINALLY CROWLeY DOING NICE THINGS FOR AZIRAPHALE

-

08:48

"you know, crowley, i’ve always said that deep down you really are a--”

“SHUT IT”

DON’T YOU CALL HIM NICE YOU PRETTY BASTARD

-

loquacious: “sorry to break up an intimate moment”

-

08:45

i imagined anathema’s tripod thing to be about 5 feet tall, not a cute little knee-high thing

-

08:48

freddie mercury: BIIIII CYCLE

BIIIIIIII CYCLE

yeah i was waiting for that

-

crowley: “get in, angel”

HE MURMURED

DON’T MURMUR YOUR TERMS OF ENDEARMENT noo

-

09:00

end of episode 2!!! i freaking loved aziraphale vs the book <3

-

the credits for this ep credit konnie huq as someone named pam but idk who that is? i had a crush on konnie huq as a kid when she was a presenter on “blue peter”

OH WAIT RIGHT the lady on the breakfast show on crowley’s tv. aw such a small part. hoping we’ll see her again later

edit: nope. might rewatch that part to pay more attention. obviously i didn’t even recognise her after like.. 15 years

--

EPISODE 3: Hard Times

09:05pm

brb gotta get some food

-

09:14

and now i wait for food

EPISODE THREE LET’S GO

is this the one that’s just crowley and azi’s backstory?

-

09:16

i can’t even put my finger on why but he’s getting more attractive

-

09:21

ah yes

aziraphale is eating shellfish and trying to tempt crowley

“oh... that’s your job”

i love this part of their dynamic

-

09:29

i adore when crowley makes aziraphale smile <3

-

09:43

SAUNTERED VAGUELY DOWNWARDS

YEE

-

i like seeing how crowley’s sunglasses differ throughout history

-

09:36

“if they knew i’d been... fraternising”

this is such a forbidden romance i love ittttt

-

09:49

CROWLEY SAVED THE BOOKS

and SOFT VIOLIN PLAYS

THIS IS A FUCKING LOVE STORY

k this is my favourite part of the show so far <3

-

09:50

this angel just fell in love

right in that moment

i see cartoon hearts around him

-

09:54

just had to pause for a second bc there was some broccoli in my tea :c

-

09:56

awwwwwwwwwwwwww 

he got him holy waterrrrrrr

-

UNIVERSAL ANGLE OF HETEROSEXUAL LONGING

-

definitely feeling a lot of “NOW KISS” right about now

-

09:59

LAUGHING BECAUSE THE OPENING CREDITS ARE LITERALLY HALFWAY INTO THE EPISODE

-

10:03

throughout the entire book azi just came across as the kind of person who wore glasses even though glasses were never once mentioned

I AM GLAD TO SEE GLASSES

-

10:12

i like this colour palette and the gold in their makeup

-

10:27

“we can go off together”

omg the world’s ending and crowley’s all RUN AWAY WITH MEEE

-

10:31

okay then

good eyelashes

edit: i also like how their relationship was explained with a simple tap on the wrist: hurry up, you’re on the clock, i’m a sex worker, finish your call because i’m leaving

-

10:32

episode three DONE

these eps don’t feel long enough

maybe that means the pacing is just right? who knows

i feel like i should be doing something other than watching this but..... why

--

EPISODE 4: Saturday Morning Funtime

10:48pm

aziraphale is SOFT and he’s perfect like that <3

fuck u gabriel and your body shaming

-

10:53

i want delivery guy to be okay BUT I READ THE BOOK

so............... i know he will be...... eventually

-

10:55

how did they get photographs taken in the 1600s

-

oh gabriel’s eyes ARE purple, i thought i was seeing them wrong

-

11:02

“maud i love you”

noo ho hoooo

-

11:09

a little douglas adams, definitely

BUT NO PEPPER POT DALEK

AWW

-

11:10

the season is very much jumping between summer and autumn

though i suppose that’s the point, tadfield is just perfect

-

11:12

“which the internet has begun to refer to as the kracken”

i wonder if good omens inadvertently inspired me to write The Wireless a couple of years back. wouldn’t be surprising

edit: no, couldn’t have, because the internet wasn’t much of a thing (or a thing at all?) in the book, given its publish date

-

11:20

that’s a v nice dress/top combo

gosh she’s so pretty

-

11:30

crowley: “we can run away together!!! alpha centauri!!!”

aw baby

-

crowley: “i’m going home, angel! i’m getting my stuff, and i am leaving. and when i am up in the stars, i won’t even think about you!!”

THAT WAS A V SAD BREAKUP NOOOOO

why has there not been a single “dear” yet :c

-

11:37

oh no, this part

i loved this in the book but i am NOT READY for maggots

damn you gaiman

-

11:39

he’s so cute

and so gay

-

11:42

uriel: “don’t think your boyfriend in the dark glasses will get you special treatment in hell”

he looks kinda delighted uriel called crowley his boyfriend

i would say he looks worried but this shot was used without context in the trailer and it came across as genuine joy, i actually thought he was looking at crowley

-

11:46

i thought it was a strange throne before

a spider at the centre of a web

dark halo

yeah

-

11:51

oh now she’s a redhead???

-

also i’m glad they implied newt and anathema just kissed because the sex thing was weird in the book

-

okay never mind

hmm

-

12:05

aziraphale: “oh.................ffffUCK.”

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH

-

12:07

oh no

it’s happening

oh no

i hate this part but i love what happens because of it

-

12:29am

i have eaten and now i have tea and i am back from MORE BOOKSHOP FIRE

-

EPISODE 5: The Doomsday Option

12:31

nuuuuuuuuuu

and “you’re my best friend” playing while crowley’s tryna call azi

nuuuuuu

-

“somebody killed my best friend”

jfhsdfjsdj

/sobs

-

12:36

freddie mercury: “somebody find me somebody tooo ooo looove”

edit: the narration WRECKED this. it was so dramatic and visually emotional but the voiceover completely screwed with it and it was SO UNNECESSARY.

-

12:46

crowley: “i lost my best friend”

he says, while crying, while talking to that friend

-

THE ONE BOOK HE WANTS IS THE ONE CROWLEY SAVED

THEY’RE SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL TOGETHER

-

azi wanted to share crowley’s body

and then said they had to get a wiggle on

-

12:52

they cut out the hell’s angels / lesser horsemen

i figured they would, but still a shame

-

1:54

in the book tracy’s “spirit guide” was native american but daaaaaamn that part really needed to go

now she’s irish which is... better, probably

-

01:01

ron: “SHUT. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP”

this guy’s having the time of his life

-

01:03

he wave

-

01:05

1926 bentley; sexiest car right next to the ‘67 chevy impala

-

01:08

omg gotta translate and explain the road

-

01:13

OH NO the maggots are about to happen

they changed the placement of this but it worked for the pacing

-

OH NO

-

k well the maggots were gross but not as bad as i imagined

-

01:31

omg the dog turned upside down rather than be picked up

i wonder if that was intentional

dog: I DO NOT WANT UP

-

01:34

pfff he’s reading “american gods” by neil gaiman

-

01:44am

10/10 flaming car

-

EPISODE 6: The Very Last Day of the Rest of Their Lives

01:51am

here we go...

-

01:55

azi so happy that crowley said the dress suits him <3

-

01:57

rip bentley

-

01:59

aziraphale: “we are here to lick some serious butt!!”

crowley: “kick!! kick, aziraphale, for heaven’s sake”

-

02:06

i freaking love the parallel between the Them and the horsemen in the book

and i love that they did face shots to show the parallel

pepper = war

wensleydale = famine

brian = pollution

adam = death

the parallel is less clear for brian and wensleydale, at least in the show. was more obvious in the book. but at the same time i kind of got confused between them a lot, brian was always eating, but wensleydale was named after cheese

-

02:14

pepper: “i do not endorse everyday sexism”

/STOMPS ON WAR’S FOOT

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

-

02:25

shadwell: “anyone who wants ta get ta the hoore of babylon will have to get past me”

earlier anathema said “boyfriend”

may i point out that all the adults are paired up

shadwell & madame tracy

newt & anathema

......and....

aziraphale and crowley

-

0:28

crowley: “we are FUCKED”

these two need a holiday

-

azi: “come up with something... or.... or i’ll never talk to you again”

he knows crowley loves him aww

perfect blackmail material

-

02:32

they went from trying to kill him to being his gay angel parents real quick

-

02:35

thought they were holding hands for a second there

edit: regardless, a whole damn airfield and they’re 2cm apart

-

02:39

happy ending for the postman, hooray~

-

crowley about the bookshop, softly: “it burned down. remember? you can stay at my place”

awwWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

-

02:42

CROWLEY GOT HIS CAR BACK AND YET HE TOOK A TAXI

-

02:45

anathema: “why is your car called dick turpin?”

newt: “dick turpin is a famous highwayman. it’s called dick turpin because everywhere it goes, it holds up traffic”

i laughed

this wasn’t in the book and i always wondered

-

02:51

i wonder if holy water wouldn’t burn him because he’s too good

-

03:00

gabriel: “don’t talk to me about the greater good, sunshine, i’m the angel fucking gabriel”

really enjoying these swears

-

03:03

i thought so

-

03:30am

paused for a bit to get ready for bed

i thought it was after 4am but nope

-

“there would be other summers, but not one like this. not ever again”

that genuinely makes me emotional

i think that’s why it’s my favourite book, i can relive that summer with them

-

03:35

omg

-

OH MY GOD

WAIT

THEY

OH MY GOD

THEY WEREN’T IMMUNE, THEY JUST SWAPPED PLACES

HOLY SHIT

edit: THIS WAS NOT IN THE BOOK AND IT’S BRILLIANT AND I’M GLAD IT’S HERE

-

crowley: “let me tempt you to a spot of lunch?

azi: “~temptation accomplished~!”

THEY’RE SO STINKING CUTE

-

“just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing”

perfect

STILL NO USE OF “DEAR” THOUGH AND IT’S KILLING ME

-

that ending with the bird made me teary-eyed

-

credits: BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH AS SATAN

WOW

OKAY

AKSFJDSF /snorts

-

the end credits and the song i just wanna bawl my eyes out

i loved this so much and i’m so glad it was GOOD

i loved that they added so many people of colour. in the book i imagined crowley played by alexander siddig (star trek: deep space 9 era) but i guess david tennant makes a pretty good crowley too

i’m trying not to be upset that my favourite scene with the dove and aziraphale’s affectionate use of “dear” was taken out

but 

this was damn good regardless. even gayer in places than in the book

-

this nightingale song is my new favourite song

i never got the reference before

“and as we kissed and said goodnight, an nightingale sang in berkeley square:

GAY

SO GAY

i love

-

the end of the credits “For Terry”

ACTUAL OUT LOUD SOBBING

TERRY YOU WOULD’VE LOVED THIS

NEIL DID YOU PROUD

-

oh this was so beautiful

i’m gonna watch it again with my family probably within the week. i’m so emotionally tender now

azIRAPHALE WAS SO FLUFFY AND CROWLEY WAS SO NICE ABOUT THE BOOKS

ugh i love them more than ever

anathema...... i don’t know if i relate to her, want to be her, look up to her, want her to mentor me, live with her, or find her attractive. maybe all of the above. but she was freaking PERFECT. PE R F E CT 

the casting was so... just right. thank you casting people for anathema.

like... i also didn’t mind the newt/anathema thing so much now. it was hard to tell in the book how much of a relationship they had after, but that smile she gave while lying in bed the morning after, that worked, it said a lot. and i like that it was her choice to burn the prophecy sequel rather than newt’s suggestion

gabriel was amusing. like.. i’m glad he wasn’t in the book. but he was great here. also really like michael and uriel. uriel was so damn beautiful.

i also would really have liked to see a mention of the fact crowley and aziraphale are both agender and potentially asexual. not even a hint of it here. buuuuuut it guess i know from the book. so.

my favourite episode was of course episode 3 with crowley and aziraphale’s 6000 year backstory. especially the 1940s bit where crowley saved the books <3

this show was was less confusing than the book too. ugh it was done so well

OH

we didn’t see where the soldier guy went when aziraphale zapped him away!!! in the book he reappeared safely back home and went out to see his family. to be fair i don’t know whether he died and went to heaven, but it was a nice thing to happen

and they took out the Them’s bully/rival gang, who was led by the third baby from the baby swap, and who won awards for his tropical fish. at least that’s what i remember. which meant the parallel about heaven/hell being rival gangs was lost here. but the parallel between the horsemen and the them was stronger than ever and i loved that.

look, i mean, 10 out of 10, EASY.

favourite thing? yes. yes, absolutely.

--

shoutout to the one time i wrote a Good Omens/Destiel crossover fic The Angel Cake Challenge

IT’S 04:02am THIS TOOK ME 12 HOURS

04:40am AND FORTY MINUTES TO EDIT

congrats if you made it to the end of this!!! thank you for reading <3 AND GO WATCH THE SHOW IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY

[cottonblush]

puppy love | nyt

❧ word count: 5,916

❧ genre: fluff with some floff on the side

❧ notes: this is the first full length oneshot that i’ve written that i’m actually proud of?? i’ve written anime oneshots and stuff but they were always subpar? but this is like my first ever masterpiece so i really hope you guys like it:) also tysm @joynct​ and shira for helping me choose which member to base it on. i think the reason it flows so well is because yuta just fits this storyline so perfectly?? btw there’s a hint of embarrassed!yuta at the end oomf!! also p.s: mary, the messy bun is for you:)) p.p.s: i’m renaming this and idk what to use for initials because like Nakamoto YuTa or Joong YooTae

It was a warm August afternoon and Yuta had just moved into his apartment off campus for his second year of college. He hung up the last of his hoodies in and placed it in his closet before taking a few steps back to admire his handiwork. He released an accomplished grunt before flopping down on his mattress. The feeling of tiredness seeped into Yuta's bones as his eyes slowly closed and his mind drifted closer and closer to sleep. Sunlight streamed in through his windows and cascaded down onto his fair skin, creating a blanket of warmth. The soft chirping of the birds outside was like Yuta's own natural noise machine. Ah, Yuta thought to himself, I'm living the life-

A series of knocks pierced through the tranquil silence, alerting Yuta that someone was at his front door. "I'm coming," he groaned out, even though he knew whoever was on the other side of the door would never hear him. He sauntered over to the entrance and grasped the cool metal of the doorknob, yanking the large oak door open. He was met with the sight of a young lady who seemed to be around the same age as him. You had a fairly large duffel bag looped around each arm and a box in your hands. 

Offering a kind smile, you introduced yourself, "Hey, I'm Y/n! Looks like we'll be roommates." You shuffled forward a bit and Yuta backed up in response, allowing you to get acquainted with the apartment.

"I'll grab some of your stuff," Yuta offered, already moving to pick up some of the boxes that were sitting idly in the hallway. Clearing his throat, he continued, "Your room is the one on the right. Mine is on the left. Maybe once you're done unpacking we can introduce ourselves a bit more." In response, Yuta heard a soft giggle and a 'sure.'

Not long after all of the boxes had been transferred to your room and Yuta settled down on the couch in the living room, he heard a door open. He glanced up in time to see you lethargically walk over and plop yourself down on a chair, releasing a loud sigh.

"Done unpacking?" he asked, mirth swimming in his deep orbs they swept over your tired form. He definitely related.

"Not even close. I'll get to it tomorrow or something. I just have so much stuff. I may or may not have packed way too much stuff," you sheepishly responded.

"Ah, so you must be a freshman."

"Jeez. Is it that obvious?"

"I mean, kinda? All freshmen tend to overestimate how much they need. Plus, all your boxes say 'college stuff' so I knew you weren't some random girl."

The two laughed and the atmosphere settled into a comfortable silence. Yuta grabbed his laptop from its resting place on the coffee table, enjoying the feeling of the cool exterior against the warm pads of his fingertips. Within a minute, the only sounds that filled the room were the dull sound of the TV playing and the soft clicks of a keyboard as he typed up a storm. For a split second, his eyes flickered away from the bright screen in front of him and towards the small chair on the other side of the coffee table. He expected to find his new roommate scrolling through her phone like she had been moments before. However, he saw your legs pulled up into your chest and your head nestled snuggly between your knees. Although your eyelids weren't completely closed, they seemed to drag down, wanting to pull you into the land of dreams. The slight parting of your lips and the consistent rise and fall of your chest indicated that you were not far from it.

Yuta felt for you. Just a year ago, he was in your exact position. He knew you had to be feeling quite nervous being in a new environment alone for the first time. A small smile fell on the young man's lips as he slowly and quietly got up from his position on the couch. He turned off the TV and tiptoed over to his room so he could grab a blanket. Once he returned, he gently draped the fluffy fabric over your shoulders and drew the blinds shut, preventing the harsh rays of the sun from falling onto her face. He picked up his laptop and headed back to his room, shutting the door behind him so that he could play some music without disturbing his new roommate.

Time passed in a flash and before he knew it, Yuta looked out of his window and saw the sun already setting along the horizon. His stomach grumbled sonorously, causing him to look towards the clock resting on his bedside table. His eyebrows shot up as he saw that the small digital clock read 7 o'clock. "Man, I can't believe I got so distracted. I missed dinner time," Yuta grumbled as he swung his legs over the side of his bed and trudged towards the kitchen. In his peripheral vision, he noticed you slowly stretching your limbs, arching your back, and releasing a content sigh before swaddling yourself back into his snuggly blue blanket. You reminded him of a kitten basking in the sun and as someone who could morph into a dog, he thought that thought might turn him off, but Yuta found it somewhat adorable.

It was a shame that he had to wake her from her catnap, but he figured you should get something to eat too. He shook her shoulder a bit, watching as your eyelashes fluttered before they revealed her deep irises. "You should eat something," Yuta suggested. As he walked towards the light switches to illuminate the room, he heard you mumble in a soft voice, "Hmm.. This blanket smells really nice. Smells like home."

At the time, Yuta didn't know why there was a falter in his step. He found that the room had become weirdly warm and even went to the thermostat to check if something was amiss. And as he grabbed a pot from one of the cabinets and saw his distorted reflection in the bottom of the stainless steel vessel, he had no idea why his cheeks were so rosy. It wasn't like Yuta found the girl cute or anything. Nope. Definitely not something as absurd as that.

Ignoring the tingling feeling that passed through his body, Yuta put the pot on the stove along with some water and got out a packet of ramen noodles. "You eat dinner really early, dude," came your voice from the living room.

Letting out a chortle, Yuta didn't hesitate to retort, "It's not healthy to eat late, y'know?"

You walked around the small island in the middle of the kitchen in order to see what was being prepared, a teasing smile appearing on your face when you saw a familiar ramen noodle package and some shredded cheese. Not one to back down, you said, "Cheesy ramen isn't very healthy no matter what time, is it?"

"Touché."

Yuta was becoming increasingly annoyed with himself. He'd only known you for a little more than half a day, and yet everything you did brought a warm feeling to his chest. He mentally berated himself, You can't have a crush on this girl, Yuta! Pull yourself together. It hasn't even been a day.

About two months into the first semester of his sophomore year, Yuta acknowledged that he had just been in denial. It took him a while but he had come to terms with the fact that he liked his roommate. After all, not many girls could have him feeling so happy-go-lucky with just a simple smile. However, much to his dismay, you appeared to have no interest in him at all. Maybe, he figured, I'm just not her type.

Now, any rational guy would probably give up on the girl, fearing the possibility of an awkward atmosphere if their relationship were to go awry. Especially if this girl was living with them for the rest of the school year. However, Yuta was far from normal. He'd always been. He began thinking of what kind of guys you might've liked. He snapped his fingers as a great thought hit him. He'd seen a soccer jersey sitting on the top of her laundry basket. If you were athletic, maybe you liked guys who were athletic too.

Yuta was definitely not what you would consider athletic. He hadn't got real exercise since P.E. in his last year of high school. It'd been more than a year and all he'd done was focus on studying and playing video games. He'd turned into a pile of skinny, lanky limbs. But one thing was for sure. Yuta was determined. Determined to get you to notice him. He started going to the gym regularly. He ate healthier and even joined a Facebook group for guys who wanted to get in shape. There, he met one of his closest friends, Taeil. He learned that Taeil was also a sophomore at the same school and eventually, the two started going to the gym together. He kept up his routine, always making time to study, of course. At the start of the second semester, he'd already developed definition in his biceps and his figure had become much sturdier.

Riding on a wave of confidence from his new and improved self, Yuta ended up trying out for the soccer team (a.k.a the university's pride and joy) along with his new friend. The two ended up making the team, though they were far from being a starting player. It was on the cold, thin benches that the duo of Yuta and Taeil became a trio. They met another bench warmer who was a transfer student from China named Sicheng and the three instantly hit it off.

Eventually, Yuta opened up to his two best friends about his predicament. They talked for hours one day and by the end of the evening, Sicheng had planted a seed of a thought in Yuta's head that you would notice him if he was a starting player. Once again, Yuta began his fitness grind, practicing drills and spending much more time on the field than some of the team's star players. It turned out that Yuta and Sicheng were natural soccer players, Yuta excelling in speed and agility, and Sicheng pulling of crazy trick shots with his insane flexibility and previous martial arts knowledge. They became starters in no time. Taeil, on the other hand, decided that soccer wasn't his thing and decided that next year, he would take up tennis instead.

With the joy of making it to the starting team also came increased popularity. The trio got invited to parties almost every weekend and even hosted a couple of their own. Yuta truly did enjoy this faster paced lifestyle. It felt nice to be finally noticed. It felt nice to be considered a 'prodigy' or a 'genius.' However, when he was at all those rumbustious parties surrounded by girls that he would've considered to be way out of his league just months before, a part of his mind always drifted back to you. He'd started this all to impress you, but what good would it do if he was spending all his time at parties instead of at home with you.

Unfortunately, you still didn't seem to be showing any interest in Yuta and with a battered ego, he was easily swept away into the exuberant life of partying and popularity. Of course, you two were still friends. You never drifted away, but you never got close either. It was as if the two of you were like the same poles of two magnets. Yuta wanted to get closer to you, yet some force seemed to be keeping you two apart.

The rest of the year passed by within a blink of an eye, and before he knew it, Yuta was spending on summer vacation again, basking in the cool air of his air conditioner as the blazing sun heated up the whole town. It was around the middle of June when Yuta got a text from you. Honestly, he hadn't been thinking of you as often and was starting to think that maybe his feelings were dying down. He didn't make as much of an effort to get in touch with you as he used to, so when got a text from you wondering if you two were planning on being roommates again for the next school year, Yuta was genuinely surprised. Just because he was surprised, it didn't mean he would turn down your offer. You two got along well and looked out for each other. Coincidentally, the week before, Taeil and Sicheng had let Yuta know that they would be living on campus together with one of Taeil's friends who was transferring that year. So if living with you meant he could escape the possibility of rooming with someone he didn't get along with, he'd gladly say yes.

And that's exactly what he did. He chose to call you to let you know, but he started to regret his decision when he heard you pick up and your cheerful voice sing into his ear.

"Hi, Yuta! What's up?"

That's weird, Yuta thought. You almost sounded… nervous?

"Hey. I got your text. Just wanted to let you know I'm down to room with you again. Did you want to find a place in the same building?"

"Haha, yeah. That'd be convenient. And this year, my parents are coming with me to help unpack! Isn't that cool? I know you moved out before me last year, but this year, you'll finally get to meet them!"

"Oh yeah, um, that's exciting?"

If anyone asked, Yuta would definitely deny the fact that his voice cracked at the thought of getting to meet your parents. Ok, so maybe he hadn't completely gotten over you. But it was a work in progress, at least.

"You must be Yuta," a man with a familiar jovial tone said to our protagonist as he approached the new apartment that he decided to rent with you. Yuta offered a signature smile and nodded.

"Nice to meet you, Sir. It's been a pleasure living with Y/n and I'm glad you've allowed me to do so again this year."

Your father let out a hearty chuckle in response, "Oh, son, there's no need to be so formal! Y/n has only said good things of you. You can consider yourself part of the family!"

The two men were shaking hands with each other when they were interrupted by your voice shouting in a shrill tone, "Yuta, oh my gosh! Your suitcase!"

Instead of turning to the sound of your voice like his body automatically wanted to do, he forced himself to look back to where he came from. His eyes widened as he saw the elevator closing and descending, taking his suitcase along with it. You ran up to him and placed a hand on his arm, hunched over laughing. Once you managed to regain your breath, you said to him, "Yuta, the way you manage to be such an airhead sometimes while maintaining a perfect GPA and being on the soccer team still amazes me to this day. You have a true gift, I swear!"

Yuta's face burned with embarrassment, but he couldn't help laugh along with you as you ran down the hall and repeatedly hit the button that would bring the elevator back up. This was definitely a great way to make a good impression on the parents of the girl he'd had a crush on for almost all of his sophomore year. He didn't let it get to him, though. He missed it; he missed being around you.

He quickly got all of his things unpacked with the help of you and your family. As the sun set and the stars made themselves apparent, you said waved goodbye to your family and shut the door behind you, releasing a tired and somewhat melancholic sigh. "I miss them already," you muttered dejectedly, "I can't believe I have to wait until Thanksgiving to see them again."

Yuta, wanting to put an end to the sad atmosphere, cheerily assured you, "Well, Y/n, I guess the two of us just have two have a super fun year so that the time flies by!" He finished by flashing his pearly whites and doing a cute little eye smile for extra effect.

"R-Right," you said, as if surprised by his presence. Without warning, you quickly scurried off into your room and shut the door behind you.

It was Yuta's turn to sigh as he pointedly told himself, "Wow, Yuta. You can’t even cheer her up. What kind of roommate and friend are you?"

Luckily, it seemed your mood had turned quickly and by the end of the hour, you had come out of your room and situated yourself on the couch with a book, humming a soft tune as you became enraptured by the story. Yuta felt his shoulders finally relax as he saw that your spirits had brightened. Usually, he'd go sit right next to you and offer to watch a movie, but that night, he decided to give you some space and turned in early, bidding you a fleeting 'goodnight.'

By the time school rolled around, the dynamic between you two had been built back up and you eased into the school year like you'd been doing it your whole life. It was all going so smooth until one afternoon a bit before Yuta's 4 o'clock analytic chemistry class. He and you were sitting on the couch, you flipping through channels while he did some last minute reading. All of a sudden you said something that made Yuta pause.

"I have a date tonight. Don't wait up, okay?"

When Yuta paused, he quite literally paused everything. His hand stopped mid page flip, his brain went blank, and he was pretty sure he stopped breathing for a bit. Clearing his throat and trying to sound as inconspicuous as possible, he said, "Oh, that's cool, I guess."

He thought to himself, Do not get jealous, Yuta. You are NOT jealous of someone you don't even know. Y/n hasn't paid you any attention in the past year. Why would she start now?

But once you jumped up excitedly and started rambling on about the outfit you were going to wear, he slowly felt a green eyed monster growing in the pit of his stomach.

"Oh, that's right! I've got to get some makeup for my date tonight," you informed. "I should be back in about an hour so I guess I'll see you when I see you."

As you grabbed your wallet and shut the door behind you, Yuta's vision went white. The thought of you on a date with someone else made him uncomfortable. The thought of someone else with their arms around you made him absolutely furious. He knew he didn’t own you or anything, but the thought of you with someone else just felt so wrong that he truly believed it to be. He had to do something. He felt his body do something he hadn't done in a very long time. He felt his body shrink in size as he got on all fours, his limbs becoming furry and his nose extending out into a snout. Within a matter of seconds, he had successfully shapeshifted into a medium sized Shiba Inu and was already heading towards your bedroom. Pushing the door open with his head, he immediately spotted the aforementioned date outfit lying on your bed. Without giving it any thought, he grabbed it between his sharp teeth and pulled as hard as he could.

When Yuta finally came to, he realized he had just destroyed a perfectly good dress of yours and you would be livid if you found out. He panicked for a second before getting an idea. Morphing back into his human form, he opened the window in your bedroom and placed a couple pieces of torn fabric on the floor and on the windowsill, creating a trail. That way, it looked like some animal had gotten in and been the one to rip up your clothes.

Looking at the time on his watch, he realized he had to leave right away if he wanted to make it to class, so he grabbed his things and rushed out the door, slamming it behind him with a resonant thud.

Throughout his whole class, he couldn't focus on the teacher at all, his mind drifting toward what your reaction was going to be. He ended up having to ask one of his friends for a summary of the lesson after class and even then, every word he heard was muddled and his brain was fuzzy.

When he got to the front door of your shared apartment, Yuta didn’t know what to expect. Perhaps you ended up going on the date anyway. But when he opened the door, he was greeted with the sight of you sitting crisscross-apple-sauce on the couch shoveling ice cream into your mouth at an alarming rate and pouting all the while.

Trying to be as casual and unassuming as possible, he greeted you, "H-Hey, Y/n. What's up? How come you're not on your date?"

You pouted some more before turning to him with big doe eyes and whining, "Some bird or squirrel or whatever got into the apartment and ripped up my nice outfit. It was my only fancy outfit, too! I had to cancel. I didn't want to show up looking like a hobo. It was so last minute too. He's never gonna want to go out with me again!"

Yuta wanted to assure you that you'd look stunning even if you wore the ugliest, most garish outfit ever, but he forced those words down his throat.

"I'm sorry. How about we order some pizza and sushi and pig out," he said as he situated himself next to you and gave your back a comforting pat.

You let out a huff and leaned yourself on his side. Resting your head on his shoulder, you grumbled, "I guess… But right now I just want to watch a super badass murder mystery. Like Inspector Gadget."

Once again, Yuta wanted to mention that Inspector Gadget was not a homicide investigator, nor was he badass in any way, shape, or form, but he decided it just wasn’t the time. Also, he probably couldn't form proper sentences even if he tried. All he could think about was how soft your hair was as it tickled his cheek and the sensitive skin on his neck.

This little routine continued for quite a while. Whenever you had a date, your clothes or shoes would mysteriously get chewed up. And even when you prepared a backup outfit, that got ruined too. In all honesty, Yuta was pretty content with the way things were. It's not like you ever got mad about it. You were just disappointed that you couldn't get a date. But all good things in Yuta's life eventually came to an end. He knew this would never last.

He was relaxing with Taeil, Sicheng, and the newest addition to the group, Taeyong, in the quad and was lamenting for the thousandth time about how you still didn't notice him and how he was still not over you. Taeil disappointedly shook his head and remarked, "Bro, you're as whipped for her as a stiffened meringue."

Yuta furrowed his brows and said, "I thought you said you'd take up tennis, not cooking or baking or whatever."

Taeil seemed to think about it for a second before responding, "Yeah, I did say that. But Taeyong convinced me that cooking would be fun!"

Yuta's eyes drifted over to Taeyong's slightly guilty visage, letting out an amused chortle. He seemed to have the opposite reaction to Sicheng's. While Yuta's eyes danced with mirth, Sicheng groaned and rested his head in his hands. He pleaded, "Oh my god, Yuta. Please stop him. Please! I thought living with two chefs would be cool and I could leech off of them and their good food, but all Taeil does is make food puns and Taeyong is too nice to tell him to stop."

"Ok, but why can't you tell Taeil to stop-"

"He literally won't listen. It's like I'm invisible or something. I've never been ignored by him before"

"Aww, Sicheng! Are you jealous?"

Taeyong chose that time to cut in to the conversation, "Speaking of jealous, I know you all are gonna be super jealous of me! I have a date tonight with a really cute girl. And she's like super smart too!"

Yuta really didn't care much about where the conversation was headed. Sure, he was happy for Taeyong, but he was really down in the dumps about you. He almost zoned out until Taeyong suddenly sprang up and pointed to somewhere behind him and yelped, "Look! There she is! Her name's Y/n and hopefully you guys will meet her soon when I can introduce her as my girlfriend. Anyway, I'll see you guys later. I'm gonna go see if she'll let me walk her to her next class!"

And with that, Taeyong scurried off into the distance looking happy as could be. Contrastingly, Yuta blanched when he heard your name. He turned around just to check if perhaps Taeyong was talking about a different Y/n, but was greeted by the sight of Taeyong catching up to you and grabbing your free hand that wasn't grasping a backpack strap, sending you a shy smile. Turning back around, Yuta slumped in his lawn chair and let out a dejected moan. Dragging his hands down his face, he sighed, "Of course. It had to be her."

Sicheng and Taeil offered looks of pity, both saying how there was no way Taeyong could've known and that if Yuta talked to Taeyong, he'd surely step down. But he couldn't. "I couldn't ask him to do that," he told his two friends. "She's free to choose whoever she wants and date whoever she wants to date. I don't own her. No one does."

His friends nodded in understanding and offered him a somewhat awkward goodbye as they watched him collect his stuff and head back to your shared apartment that was not too far from campus. As he trudged back, Yuta thought to himself, You're such a hypocrite. It's not like you've been giving her much of a choice lately.

Yuta was sipping on a protein shake and watching another episode of Inspector Gadget (you'd got him hooked onto the show, but he'd never admit it to you) when your bedroom door opened. You stepped out wearing an adorable yellow off the shoulder top and a pair of dark wash jeans that happened to make your butt look better than Yuta thought imaginable. Your hair was neatly parted and although it looked like you hadn't spent much time on it, each curl fell perfectly around your face. Your makeup was very light, but it was definitely there. One look at your lips and he could almost smell the strawberry lip balm that he was almost certain you were wearing. It was his favorite. All in all, it looked like this outfit was made for him. For the first time in his life, he was truly and totally breathless. The way you could be so effortless and make him feel the way he felt? It scared him. It scared him so much.

You walked to the door anxiously, as if waiting for something to happen. Usually, your sneakers would barely create any sound against the hardwood floors. But the whole apartment was silent, so each step you took seemed to echo tauntingly in Yuta's ears. His animalistic side urged him, pleaded him, to do something before it was too late.

So he did. For once, he was willing to take the risk. It took him all of his sophomore year and half of his junior year to realize that he was utterly, wholly in love with you. And the thought of you and Taeyong together was clawing at his heart so violently that he could barely breathe. Within three large strides, he was right behind you, grasping your hand as if you'd disappear if he let go.

"Y/n," he croaked. When you wouldn't look him in the eye, he gently grabbed your chin and tilted it towards him. For a second, he didn't know what to say. The tension between you and him was almost palpable. Your large doe eyes urged him to do something, to say something. But Yuta was frustrated. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to tell say 'I love you' when he knew you felt nothing for him in return. Delicately, he whispered, "Oh my god, how can you be so oblivious?" Your eyebrows pinched together in confusion and  you were about to respond when he dropped your hand, leaving it to grasp at the air where he stood as he stormed off to his bedroom and shut himself in with a loud slam of the door.

"I'm stupid," Yuta said to himself as he laid on his bed in the darkness and stared at his ceiling, "I'm so stupid." He repeated it over and over again, almost like a mantra, for who knows how long when there was a soft knock at his door.

"Yuta," your voice called out with uncertainty. "Are you still in there?" The door cracked open and warm yellow light slowly poured into his room. He squinted a bit, eyes adjusting to the sudden brightness as he sat himself up and turned to face you.

He took in your appearance, your baggy sweatpants, your hair tied up in a messy bun, your makeup wiped away but that goddamn strawberry lip balm ever present on your soft petals. "What are you doing here?" he questioned.

She let out a tired chuckle and approached him, sitting in front of him on the edge of his bed. "I'm here for you, dumbass. I don't know if you could tell or not, but I've liked you for a while. Since summer, I think."

"W-What? Are you serious? What about Taeyong?"

"I told him it wouldn't work out because I was already interested in you. It was kinda weird. When I told him I'm your roommate, he just looked super guilty for some reason."

Yuta made a mental note to tell his friend how genuinely kind a person he was and maybe set him up with one of the many people who he knew had a crush on Taeyong. "Wow, bless him, honestly. I don't deserve him." You gave him a puzzled look, but he continued anyway, "What made you change your mind? You haven't really shown much interest in me at all."

"Well, it's kinda a long story. I mean, I've liked you since the beginning of summer. That's why I probably sounded so weird over the phone when I asked you to be my roommate again. But you got super popular and you didn't show me much interest either. So I kinda tried to push my feelings away. And then this guy asked me out on a date and it was like this golden opportunity. But my outfit got ruined. And all my date outfits kept on getting ruined."

Yuta gulped nervously and was about to interrupt, but you were on a roll, "And they just kept on getting ruined. But only the nice ones. I'm not dumb, so I did a little experimenting. I put nuts and treats in my closet to see if the animals would maybe eat those instead, but they only seemed to be interested in the clothes that I laid out. Step two, I laid out clothes on random nights when I didn't have dates too, but those never got chewed up. That was when I knew something was up. So I put a camera in my room and had one of my friends help me set up a live feed. And I caught this dog. This really cute Shiba Inu. I found the culprit. But I kept watching and it turned into you. And if I'm being honest, I was freaked out at first. But now I just think it's cool. Anyway, I knew it was you, but I didn't want to assume, so I waited for a sign. And tonight, you gave me one. So I took it and ran with it, I guess."

Yuta was feeling so many emotions in that moment. He was embarrassed, confused, and scared. But he was also overwhelmingly happy. However, in the midst of all the emotions, he still felt that he had to clear things up. "Hold on a second," he uttered. "I didn't show you any interest?! You really are oblivious, Y/n! I've liked you since you first moved in with me! The only reason I started working out and joined the soccer team was to impress you because I saw that stupid Lionel Messi jersey in your laundry basket one time. The entirety of my sophomore year of college was me trying to impress you. Oh my gosh, how am I in love with someone as dumb as you?"

"Hey! I'm not dumb. I just wasn't interested in dating during my freshman year and I- Wait. Did you say you love me?"

"No?"

"Yes. You totally did! I just heard you. Wow, guess I have blackmail against you now, don't I?"

You let out an obnoxiously loud laugh, your shoulders shaking and your eyes sparkling with joy. In that moment, you looked like an angel. Actually, screw that. You were the most beautiful thing in the whole universe. Better than any angel.

"I love you," Yuta said. "I love you, like a lot. And you don't have to say it back. I just want you to know that I love you and I think you're perfect." With that, he grabbed your shoulders and slowly brought you closer, placing a gentle, fleeting kiss on your forehead and then leaning back. But the reaction he got was not what he expected.

Your face was blank as you articulated, "That's it? That's all I get? You just professed your undying love for me and all I get is a frickin' forehead kiss?" Your voice rose with every word you spoke as you got closer and closer until only a few millimeters separated the two of you. Gathering up some courage, you placed your hands on Yuta's cheeks and pulled him in for a proper kiss.

Your lips fit perfectly into his and you wanted to stay like that forever, but a thought suddenly plagued your brain. You just had to ask, "Hey, Yuta? Will you ever let me see you transform in real life? Wait! Do you like to be pet and stuff! OHMYGOSH WAITWAITWAIT THAT'S LIKE SO CUTE WHAT THE HECK!! Um no wait ignore those questions! Most importantly, do you have like a kink that comes with it? Like do you like doggy style or-"

"Y/N I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU FINISH THAT SENTENCE I WILL NEVER TALK TO YOU!"

"Aww, you're embarrassed! That's cute. I really caught myself a cutie!"

"I hate you."

"You love me."

"Ugh, I know."

[dwindlingashesburnt]

How long do the shields stay down?

This is something I think is really really important for you to be aware of if you're in a situation that's bad for you or are just doing kinda shit in any way - physical, mental, emotional, whatever. And I'm including stuff like food, shelter, sleep under physical for the sake of this

And that is this - at some point your body and or mind will almost definitely try to protect you by shielding you from it. When it's mental or emotional this is typically a very long term thing to keep you safe that you have to actively unlearn, as is physical stuff like training yourself not to flinch or stuff like that. When it's a lack of something physical like sleep or food or so on, it's generally just intended to keep you going until you manage to get whatever it is you needed, at which point the shields should start falling on their own pretty quickly

But the obvious problem with this is that if you're being shielded from the problem, you don't know how bad said problem is. You might not even be sure what the problem is, or even worse, might not even be aware that there is a problem. This means that until those shields go down, you can't figure out what's wrong or how to fix it, and you may end up actually making the problem much worse without realising in the meantime

(That's the end of the general advice bit - which is important btw! - and now goes into my own stuff, which isn't important except to me cos it's mostly just venting so feel free to stop reading at this point)

I rediscovered this yesterday night.

Every time I get this badly worn down, it always happens exactly the same way - I've already been apathetic and tired for quite a while, low on sleep, and been constantly tense for a long time, but bc I'm apathetic and can't sleep, I stay up watching videos on youtube for far too long. At some point, I find myself actually in quite a bit of pain and only then realise it's because I'm so incredible tense, and at this point I start finding it to be a real struggle to focus my vision or pick out the voices and concentrate enough to really watch videos. A while after this, I normally find that I'm shaking uncontrollably, and acknowledge to myself that it's most likely a mixture of a shitty mental place, being so tense for so long, and utter exhaustion. So to double check, I put some simple music on that doesn't require much focus, close my eyes and focua on going limp - I know that if my own thoughts fade to absolutely nothing while the singing drifts through my mind, and that I lose ALL tension and start melting into the bed...This means I'm on the point of passing out and or veering into dangerously sleep deprived suicidal ideation type territory, and need to sleep stat.

And this is the part that really alarms me - before I go to bed I need to put the light on so I don't trip, put my phone on charge, go to the bathroom and have a drink of water. Before sitting up at this stage I am AWAYS exhausted, noticably shaking, struggling to focus my vision beyond a blur, and so mentally wiped out I can barely string a single thought together, not to mention thirsty, empty, and feeling tired down to my bones, off balance and like I want to either pass out or start sobbing any second.

But by the time I get back into bed I'm always seemingly fine, if not better than when I first started watching videos - and this fucking scares me.

Because that switch happens in less than five or so minutes! Nothing has changed in that time, I am still on the borderline of passing out, I am still exhausted, I am still in an absolute shit place both mentally and emotionally and quite frequently in the middle of a relapse, and god knows what else. NOTHING HAS CHANGED I'm just far too good at putting up a front even to myself, and so practiced at it I just do it automatically- even though this normally happens around 2am or 1am when there is absolutely nobody to put up a front for!

And when I get back in bed, if I didn't remember exactly how bad I had been not ten minutes before, even I wouldn't realise there was any issue whatsoever! Let alone an issue THAT bad

That means that every time I walk into the bathroom and instantly feel sluggish thoughts crawling through my mind and then rapidly speeding up to a somewhat normal speed, every time I fill my water bottle and watch as my hands go from shaking so bad I dropped my phone and struggled to take out my earphones to not shaking at all, every time I stand and feel the majority of the tension leave and my shoulders force themselves up and back into more of a slouch and less a slump, every time I realise my vision is suddenly clear enough to be able to plug my phone in, and balance good enough to safely walk past the landing...It scares the fucking shit out of me.

I don't make any conscious, or as far as I'm aware, unconscious decision to do this, to put up this front - it just fucking happens without my input, automatically. That's terrifying because it suggests it's going to be difficult or even impossible to stop this, or any lesser form of this, from happening in the future

It also alarms me that it tricks me, that it goes so far as forcing my thoughts and mindset to shift, and that it happens when I'm entirely alone and safe. That's fucking scary - how do I stop it if I'm not even aware of it, if it's deep enough to change how my thoughts are happening, if no outside input seems to affect it? It's not a case of just, remove the bad input and I'll be fine - what do I do with that?!

Additionally, the fact that it's so thorough, tricks even me and happens without my input..I'm horribly aware that means that at more or less any moment I may be maintaining this front and not even realise. And I know for a fact it impacts my decisions...It makes me feel scared that maybe, maybe I'm hurting far more often and far more than I think, maybe I'm effectively lying most if not all of the time, maybe I'm making decisions I wouldn't if I wasn't shielding, maybe, maybe others don't even know me properly with this.

It's only maybe ten minutes total between music (shield down) and getting back in bed (shields up)

Sometimes I suddenly and very temporarily break free of this front, or apathy, or simple fear and nonoIcan't, and message my friends trying to tell them things I urgently want to share that I know I won't be able to when those shields come back up, so it's urgent and important.....And sometimes they don't reply in time and they ask something like, "what is it?" but I won't have the words anymore, or it won't seem important, or it will seem like the worst idea ever, or I'll struggle to even remember what "it" was, or I'll feel unable to say it

But every time I know I urgently wanted to say something, and now I can't because my mind and body is just, doing its damn best to protect me, which I appreciate but I just....But it also is awful because I don't know how to tell them in a way that makes sense "I'm sorry. You missed your ten minutes. I can't, I can't, I'm sorry - I want to but I can't. You missed it" so...so often I end up deflecting because at that point really do anything else

And usually in THAT kinda scenario it's not ten minutes (it may be anywhere from 2 minutes to 2 hours) but it never lasts too long so, so if they're not online or busy or caught up in another conversation etcetcetc......I lose the chance to be honest.

And I often don't get another chance to be really, truly honest, for LITERAL MONTHS

Apparently it's been determined that this is the best way to keep me safe and not in even worse health, but it's also incredibly isolating and I hate it

Quite often all I really want to say or do is more than a quickly passed over "I love you" and a brief hug - I want to be able to say "I love you. You're my best friend and I love you for this reason and this reason and this reason. You're amazing, and I love you - you help me in this way and this way and this way and I'm so grateful. If there's ever anyway I can ever help you or make you happy...Tell me. I want you to be happy. I love you - how could I not love you?"

And I CAN'T and I FUCKING CAN'T and I can't share any of the other stuff about my experiences or personality or relationships or opinions or anything that my brain has deemed "unsafe" BECAUSE OF ABSOLUTE PIECES OF SHIT WHO THINK IT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY TO BULLY AND BELITTLE AND GASLIGHT AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSE AND HURT AND IT'S NOT FAIR

The three biggest things for me, are affection, understanding, and being close to people

Do you know how much it fucking kills me to not be able to say EXACTLY how much I love everyone near me, because I was told so often that to love anyone and especially to love so freely, was am invitation to be hurt?

Do you know how alone and miserable and frustrated I get when I try to be understood and understand others and succeed in neither?

I nearly started crying one time because I was with my dad and sibling, and that was all, both of whom should be safe, and I started telling a funny story about one of our cats. And suddenly I just realised that the words coming out of my mouth weren't the truth. I knew damn well they weren't, and I hadn't been planning to lie at all, and I'd started off truthfully, but some stupid small part of me had started going "this isn't safe this isn't safe you'll be hurt they'll hurt you scream at you make you feel like you should be dead they'll make you cry then call you evil for it it's not safe it's not safe" so suddenly I realised the words coming out of my mouth weren't the ones I meant to say, and I tried to stop talking and it didn't work, and I tried to go back to how it actually happened or just my original story which was very very minorly altered (like 10% different from the truth) to keep me safe, but I couldn't and that scared me because I just kept talking, this version of the story that played up how cute and tiresome the cat was, that simultaneously diminished my part in it all and yet at the same time painted me as being silly and harmless and useful and entertaining and I just....I remember I freaked out a bit when I kept speaking even though I didn't want to, but that part of me was still going "not safe not safe not safe" and then I remember feeling for an instant like I was going to have to flee because I was about to start sobbing, but then I just felt some part of me shatter and go dim and silent and die. And suddenly I felt hollow and miserable and I was shielded again, and so I just kept talking even though later I cried about it and freaked out a lot and just...I hadn't even meant to lie. I was safe. I was among allies. It was a harmless story about a cat that didn't even feature me heavily and certainly didn't cast me in a bad light, but the entire time some part just kept chanting "not safe not safe they'll hurt you you musnt you cant you cant let them theyll hurt you its not safe its not safe its not safe"

And that fucking kills me

[beetlesacquired]

Klance Fanfic Rec List

I’ve currently got 118 Klance Ao3 links saved and I wanted to share some of my favorites so here ya go: (There’s a Shklance at the bottom btw)

He Who Fights Monsters by magisterpavis

Words: 64,888 Smut: yes Completed: yes

This is a really slow burn fic with a captivating plot and guys.  Dragons.  There’s so many dragons.  This author is also one of my favorites btw I love them.

Summary:  In a world where monstrous dragons terrorize humanity daily, the Garrison trains valiant Knights to slay the evil beasts and defend Earth. But when Knight cadet Lance Espinosa is kidnapped by a strange red dragon who kills its own kind, certain truths are revealed...and so are the true monsters.

Dirty Laundry by Anonymous

Words: 85,042 Smut: there’s a heated makeout scene or two but no actual smut Completed: yes

If you haven’t read this do you even ship Klance?  It’s the fake dating fic to top all fake dating fics.  It’s so sweet and feely you’ll cry buckets and it’s also incredibly funny.  I’ve probably read it like 5 times.  Kinda slow burn kinda not?  Internalized homophobia and homophobia from family warnings.

Summary: "Two whole months of free laundry in exchange for two weeks of being my fake boyfriend. Deal?” Keith hesitated for a moment. Was this really worth it? Hardly. Lance was an asshole, and he wasn’t sure what fake dating would entail. But, free laundry was free laundry, right? “Alright, it’s a deal.”  Or: Lance makes the mistake of telling his Mom he has a boyfriend coming home with him for Christmas. Keith makes the mistake of agreeing to be Lance's 'fake boyfriend'.

Ignorance is Bliss by YouAreInAComaWakeUp (Nikanaiko)

Words: 172,675 Smut: no Completed: yes

This is probably the number one most emotional fic I’m gonna list here.  There’s ghosts guys and that means characters I hold dear to my heart are dead so warning there.  Pretty sure I was sobbing through multiple chapters.  Real slow burn, but the build up is so worth it especially with how amazing the plot is.  I’ve got quotes from this fic hanging on my wall rn that’s how fantastic the writing is.  Suicide and internalized homophobia warnings.

Summary:As it turns out, learning that your house is haunted makes the ghosts a lot more aggressive. Who knew?  Ah, well. At least one of them is hot. And he's the less-evil one, too, so that's always a plus.

The Message by shipstiel

Words: 132,787 Smut: no Completed: yes

This is kinda a texting fic?  So lots of bants and comedy, mostly Lance cracking jokes and Keith being done with his life.  It’s a really cute fluffy thing.  Depression, car crash, nightmares, and mentions of suicide warnings

Summary: (4:07) okay, but considr this, and hear me out here (4:08) so like, a photobooth u can do with ur pets like there’ll be lil costumes that u can dress them up in, and u can do liek, period costumes and shit with them (4:09) omg, can u imagine, u and ur cat/dog, and theyre in a lil 1800s dress and one of those lace umbrella things omg so cute(4:15) Why the FUCK are you texting me at four in the morning with this— Keith is texted by accident by some idiot one day, and honestly he's not even sure why he responds. Or why he keeps responding. Yet somehow he finds himself drawn in, and okay, so maybe this fool is mildly entertaining after all. Who would've thought.

True Love or Something by DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee

Words: 188,626 Smut: no Completed: kinda??

This is more of a collection of short stories based around Keith, Lance, and the gang than an actual plot filled fic and normally I don’t like that sort of thing, but I’m in love with this because it’s so funny and cute and despite it having 37 parts and counting, it doesn’t get boring or tedious at all.  There’s a couple angsty parts especially regarding Keith’s Tragic Backstory but it’s all around just amazing.  

Summary: “So that was…” “If you say painless I’m shoving you into another snowdrift.” “Okay, that’s fair. But you got a lollipop!” “That you stole from pediatrics.” “I’m a very good date.”  Lance accidentally crashes into his new neighbor in front of their mailboxes and somehow ends the night with a very attractive (and slightly concussed) date.

Mistakes were made (Skinny band nerd takes it up the ass from the beefcake football captain) by Lynn1998

Words: 50,727 Smut: yes Completed: no Last Update: Jan 31 2017

I normally wouldn’t recommend unfinished fics, especially ones that haven’t been updated in over a year but I honestly just really like this one.  The smut is top notch and there’s plot, fluff, and angst in there as well.  I really like it. 

Summary:  Lance can't stand the captain of the football team…so why is he having sex with him?

I Swear to You by AlyxRae

Words: 123,991 Smut: no Completed: yes

Bodyguard AU!!!  Altean Prince Lance with Galra Bodyguard Keith is literally my favorite thing ever I love it.  This fic gave me whiplash with the amount of times everything went from nice and happy to death and destruction in a heart beat it’s crazy.  Least to say, lots of angst.

Summary: With the destruction of their home planet, the remaining Galra are forced to take refuge with the kind Alteans. Much darker plans begin to take shape and a young Galra solider is made the bodyguard of the Altean Prince, with orders to kill him when the time is right. However, the charming prince manages to capture the Galra's heart and ends up being captivated by the solider in return.The prince and the bodyguard are thrown into perilous adventures, all the while trying to stay together and keep each other safe.

Shadow of the Past and Ghost of the Future by wittyy_name and Zizzani

Words: 75,120 (GoF) 83,198 (SoP) Smut: no Completed: no Last Update: Feb 22 2018

These two fics are mirror fics, which is so cool.  Basically Lance gets sent one year into the future and future Lance gets sent back one year.  SoP is from Lance’s POV while he’s in the future and GoF is from Keith’s POV while future Lance is in the past with him.  I really love this fic and I’m always checking in for updates, which come in pairs (one for each fic).  It doesn’t matter which order you read them btw.

Summary: (SoP) When Lance is thrown through time, he finds himself one year in the future, in place of the Lance that should be here.He finds his team to be remarkably familiar, yet distinctly different. They have more scars, a better grip on the whole saving the universe thing, and over a year’s worth of teamwork to bind them together. But the weirdest part? Keith seems to be a lot more touchy with him. Not that he’s complaining… much.The team must try and work out how to reverse the two Lance’s places and restore them to their original timelines. But despite the fact that they’re still his friends, Lance can’t help but feel a little out of place among a team that’s been through so much with a Lance that just isn’t him. And it doesn’t help that the team is on edge around him, refusing to tell him anything for fear of influencing and changing the past. Things get even more complicated when they have to rely on the team in the past to complete the switch, leaving Lance to little more than sit, wait, and attempt to fill in his future self’s shoes. 

(GoF) When Lance is thrown through time, his future self from one year ahead is transported to the past in his place.This Lance is faster, stronger, and markedly more mature. Not only that, but he's distinctly more intuitive about his teammates and A LOT more touchy with Keith.The team must try and work out how to reverse the two Lance's places and restore them to their original timelines. Things only get more complicated when the Future Lance can't seem to remember where he was when the switch happened, and he refuses to reveal anything about his own time for fear of influencing the team's decisions.

The Hurricane In His Veins by magisterpavus

Words: 249,189 Smut: yes Completed: yes

So this is actually Shklance because I don’t have enough recs for this ship to make it it’s own post and this fic is honestly just really really good.  It’s probably my favorite out of everything here.  It’s a vampire AU and I love it so much.  The plot is incredible (the author should publish a book tbh it’s that good I’d buy it), there are some really cute moments, and it’s goddamn hilarious.  There’s the perfect combination of angst, smut, and fluff and I’ve read this about 10 times since I discovered it a couple months ago.  I suggest it even if you don’t ship Shklance tbh it’s that good.

Summary: It’s the summer after high school graduation, and Lance, Hunk, and Pidge are spending three months together in Pidge’s sleepy California hometown, Rosewood, before they all go their separate ways in life. It’s supposed to be fun and relaxing, filled with long days at the beach and even longer nights playing video games; a last hurrah with Lance’s best friends.But when one of Pidge’s ridiculous cryptid searches leads the trio to a mysterious pair of vampires in the woods and the web of magic and murder that they’re entangled in, the summer gets a lot more complicated…and more dangerous than they could’ve imagined.

Like I said, I’ve got 118 bookmarks so if you guys wanna pop into my asks or messages and see if I’ve got something specific, please do!

[petitedeath]

I just want to say, as someone who is very new to sewing (less than 6 months, made a ton of square shaped things plus few skirts and a dress) but who DREAMS of doing costuming, you’re blog is a godsend. Really, you’re so talented. May I ask- are there any books or websites that you found helpful when you were starting out? I know sewing, like everything, gets easier the more you do it, but any guidance would be great. Thank you!

♥♥♥ Im so glad to hear that! I love finding other people who are interested in it and i want everyone to know that anyone can do this. I wish I had only started sooner, i always felt like it was totally inaccessible but thats so far from the truth.

this is fittin to be long so im gunna put this under a cut

Books and websites hmm. There are so many books I guess it depends on what youre planning to sew, what kind of stuff are you looking to do? There are a lot of awesome era specific books or theme specific books that even have patterns and directions in them that you can rent at a library.  But you might also want to check out any books on pattern fitting/drafting. Any book on that will give you some good core knowledge that will help you even when youre using a pattern. Ill try to take a picture of my book collection in a moment too. But if im being completely honest I dont find many of the books helpful in sewing so much as inspiring for things i want to make. I pretty much live off blogs lmao. 

Websites- see now this one is hard because i follow like 50 million fahsion blogs and they are AMAZING. First I want to recommend some youtube channels. Im just going to assume youre talking about historical costuming since thats what i do so the links are all related. Anyhow here are my youtube recommendations. 

-Micarah Tewer - shes funny as hell for one, I kind of just love watching her videos so much I cant recommend her enough to people. Also her process is similar to mine and uh..not the most technical thing and is so much more doable as a beginner. Shes the best, seriously. Check her out. -Angela Clayton - I love that she literally goes through her entire process of sewing something up. Its super informative, I learn so much, plus i feel like just by watching her videos i learn enough to make my own pattern and make the item myself. Not to mention everything is cute. 

- See also :Bernadette Banner, burnley and trowbridge,historicalsewing, american duchess

BLOGS (Ive actually talked to some of these people on fb in some sewing groups and most of them are so kind and helpful btw!) 

http://mantuadiary.blogspot.com/search/label/1910s

http://costumerscloset.blogspot.com/

http://koshka-the-cat.blogspot.com/2015/08/a-sleeveless-spencer-tutorial.html

https://www.american-duchess.com/

http://www.festiveattyre.com/

https://thepragmaticcostumer.wordpress.com/

https://historicalsewing.com/

http://augustintytar.blogspot.com/

and thats all i can think of off the top of my head since i dont have a computer of my own anymore so I have nothing saved :’) 

and I suggest just buying up a bunch of sheets an shit from thrift stores and just kinda going crazy. If what youre making turns out well, you can always use it as the lining for a version of it made of better fabric ;) I always recommend making a mock up of everything first anyways, because nothing EVER comes out right the first time..EVER. I cant get anything done if im stressing over it costing too much or being perfect so working things out with sheets has gotten me a long way lol. And i started with 18th century and Regency. Its just way easier to make than more modern stuff and victorian is pretty hard. But both regency and 18th century are awesome because theyre easy, theyre forgiving if you dont get the size 100% so fitting isnt too hard and for womens clothes there isnt a bunch of horrible closures to work on (button holes to sew etc) 

Also, still assuming here that you want to do historical costuming (super sorry if youre not and im just giving you useless info lol) i would start with underwear first. The foundation garments are super crucial to getting this shit to fit right and look right. Plus most of them are easy to make like shifts and petticoats. Dont be intimidated by stays and corsets either. Theyre surprisingly easy to make! 

finally if you ever have questions about making something please feel free to ask me or you can join a fb group too if that suits you better. The only way i was able to get into this hobby and stay in it was because of the wonderful network of costumers both local and otherwise who were so kind and helpful and encouraging and I would like to do the same ♥

[kachulein]

Mind giving me K-pop recommendations? Like, what got you into K-pop, who's your favorite, things like that? I want to try listening to it and I wanted to ask you, Kachu! Congrats on 800!! 💖💙

Aww thank you so much dear!!

First of all, Kpop is not just simply pop music, as the name suggests. Within the genre kpop are actually many different genres of music mingled and there’s something nice for (almost) everyone to find. I’ll give you some information about my favourite groups that might help you find what you could like. I will also link mostly title songs as they are the more popular songs and usually have a music video (kpop music videos are always very aesthetic btw).

Starting off with my ultimate favourite group Stray Kids. They are still rookies as they debuted in March 2018 but I’ve fallen in love with them and their music so much that I highly recommend you checking them out. They are a 9 member boy group with three of those members, Bang Chan, Changbin and Han (knowns as 3RACHA) writing and composing all of their songs. 3RACHA has been releasing pre-debut mixtapes on Souncloud throughout 2017 and if you like hip hop/rap music, you should definitely give them a listen. Some recs are:

Hellevator

District 9

Grow Up (try to listen & read lyrics without crying; you can put on eng sub on the mv)

Voices

My Pace

Awkward Silence

I am YOU

Get Cool

M.I.A

Mixtape#3 ‘For You’

Mixtape#1 ‘Placebo’ (my favourite songs of theirs)

Mixtape#2 ‘Even a shadow needs light to exist’

note: The songs with a ‘mixtape’ in front of them mean that they were originally  track 3RACHA released in one of their mixtapes but they’ve been alternated and remastered into a ot9 Stray Kids version

Some 3RACHA songs:

ZONE

Start Line

Matryoshka

Broken Compass

NXT 2 U

Tik Tok

P.A.C.E

Placebo (I love the original version as well)

For You (^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^)

Runners High

MONSTA X is another one of my favourites and it was actually thanks to their song Hero that I got into kpop. It’s a great song with a beautiful music video and I highly recommend it. Their songs are usually very powerful bangers to get hyped to. Some song I recommend are:

Hero

All in

Stuck

Shine Forever

Beautiful

Fighter

Jealousy

Dramarama

Newton

Shoot Out

Another favourite of mine is BTS. I’m pretty sure you’ve heard of them already. They’ve been around for a while and gained worldwide a lot of popularity in 2017. They’ve changed their music style over the years but it shows that their music has grown with them. Some recs are:

I NEED U

Dope

Run

Fire

Save Me

Blood, Sweat & Tears

Spring Day

Not Today

DNA (their most famous song I believe but not their best imo)

MIC Drop

FAKE LOVE

IDOL

I’m Fine

Don’t Leave Me

Another group I definitely cannot miss is Seventeen. Their name is misleading since they are actually only 13 members not 17 (it’s still a lot though). The group is split into 3 sub-units, Hip Hop Team, Vocal Team, and Performance Team with each of those teams having a leader. The three leaders also created a SVT Leaders unit for their song Change Up. They mainly release ot13 songs with one of their members, called Woozi, being the main composer but they also released songs in their respective units. Some recs are:

Boom Boom

Check-In (Hip Hop Team)

Highlight (Performance Team)

Don’t Wanna Cry

Change Up (SVT Leaders)

Pinwheel (Vocal Team)

Clap

THANKS

Oh My!

Call Call Call

Getting Closer

bonus: Just Do It (by BSS a new sub-unit consisting of three members, however they only released this song so far)

Got7 is a groups under JYP entertainment just like Stray Kids and they are their seniors since Got7 has been around since 2014. They also have great music I highly recommend checking out:

Hard Carry

Never Ever

You Are

Look

Lullaby

Miracle

Day6 is under JYP entertainment as well but they are a bit different from the usual Kpop group since they are actually a band and play their own instruments. If you like rock music, I highly recommend them!!

Shoot Me

Beautiful Feeling

Somehow

DANCE DANCE

I Wait

How Can I Say

Congratulations

and since we’re already talking about about rock music, here’s some more groups whose music goes into the direction of rock to check out:

The Rose - BABY, Sorry

FT ISLAND - Take Me Now, Pray, Out Of Love, Lose, Hello Hello, Wind

Dreamcatcher - Chase Me, Good Night, Fly High, YOU AND I, What

EXO is a group that has been around since 2012 and even though they haven’t been very active lately, they still got a lot of bops that you could check out. They are under SM entertainment just like the next three groups I’m about to mention:

Overdose

Call Me Baby

Love Me Right

Lightsaber

Monster

Lotto

Ko Ko Bop

The Eve

Tempo

Love Shot

NCT are another group under SM. Their concept is a bit difficult because they are said to have an unlimited member count and they will be debuting more and more sub-units. NCT (as a whole) consist of 21 members as of now with 3 already existing units called NCT U, NCT 127, and NCT Dream and a fourth unit called WayV that is said to debut this month. Some recs are:

NCT U:

The 7th Sense

BOSS

Baby Don’t Stop

NCT 127:

Limitless

Cherry Bomb

Chain

TOUCH

Regular

Simon Says

NCT Dream:

We Young

GO

We Go Up

Red Velvet and Oh!GG are two girl groups under SM Entertainment. They are both really nice and worth checking out. OH!GG is actually a sub-unit from the girl group Girl’s Generation, one of the most popular girl groups of the 2nd Generation. I hope I’m not messing up rn with the info lol. And Red Velvet is currently one of the big three girl groups.

Red Velvet:

Dumb Dumb

Ice Cream Cake

Russian Roulette

Red Flavor

Peek-A-Boo

Bad Boy (love this so much)

Really Bad Boy (what a bop)

OH!GG:

Lil’ Touch

Twice and Blackpink are the last two girl groups I’ll be introducing to you. They are the other two of the big three girl groups alongside Red Velvet and are very successful and definitely worth checking out:

Twice, an example of a cute girl group:

Likey

TT

What Is Love?

Dance The Night Away

YES or YES

BlackPink, an example of a badass girl group:

Boombayah

Whistle

Playing With Fire

Stay

As If It’s Your Last

DDU-DU DDU-DU

The last group I’ll be mentioning is Big Bang, they are the Kings of the 2nd Generation of Kpop (if I didn’t misunderstand the whole generation stuff) and they released A LOT of great songs since they’ve been around since 2006. here are some recs I really like:

Bang Bang Bang

FXXK IT

Sober

Last Dance

Fantastic Baby

Let’s Not Fall In Love

GOOD BOY (GD x Taeyang)

Last but not least, I’ll list you some more songs from girl/boy groups and solo artists that I really like and find worth checking out. However, I try to keep it on the down-low since I could recommend and huge amount of songs.^^

Boy Groups:

iKON - Love Scenario, Killing Me, Bling Bling, B-Day

WINNER - REALLY REALLY, EVERYDAY

VAV - Senorita

TRCNG - UTOPIA (one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard)

VIXX - Fantasy

Pentagon - Shine, Runaway

SF9 - Fanfare, ROAR, Now Or Never

Girl Groups:

Pristin V - Get it

CLC - Hobgoblin, Black Dress

Weki Meki - Crush, La La La, I don’t like your Girlfriend

Gugudan - Not That Type

IZ*ONE - La Vie En Rose

(G)I-DLE - LATATA, Hann (alone)

Mamamoo - Egotistic, Starry Night

9MUSES - Remember, Love City

Solo Artists:

Sunmi - Gashina, Heroine, Siren

Chungha - Roller Coaster

Taeyeon (member of Girls Generation/Oh!GG) - I, Why

Hyuna - Roll Deep, BABE, Lip & Hip

IU - Twenty-three

Jay Park - Me Like You

G-Dragon (leader of Big Bang) - Untitled, 2014, COUP D’ETAT, Crooked

Jennie (member of BlackPink) - SOLO

Taemin (member of SHINee) - MOVE, Thirsty, Sayonara Hitori

This probably sounds confusing and like a whole lot, but don’t worry!! The main thing right now is that you find some songs to check out and the rest is some additional info to help you decide what to check out since it’s a lot.^^

[allthingshb-blog]

Another Interview!

Readers, I have been lucky enough to get another interview with an Archie Writer. His name is Bill Vallely, who is currently self publishing. His book, Tips to Prevent Dry Eye...That Work! Is coming out this January. It’ll be done in graphic novel form, with some jokes to lighten up the subject matter,  and looks super interesting, so be sure to check it out even if you don’t have dry eye! 

Anyway, without further ado, here it is!

Susan Michaels:  Tell me more [about how the relaunch of Harvey Comics was your idea].

BV: Back in the late 80s, my writing partner, Mark McClellan, had a roommate who was connected to Jeffrey Montgomery. Jeff was looking to start a comic book company. I suggested that Harvey Comics had characters everyone already knew (Casper, Richie Rich, etc) that were stuck in legal limo. Why roll the dice to create something new when properties that were well known were just sitting there, gathering dust? Montgomery’s business model was to focus on marketing Casper t-shirts, mugs, key chains, etc. Later he decided that the real money was in feature films and Direct to Video films.  BTW, I'm getting ready to release my first self published graphic novel - "Tips To Fight Dry Eye ... That WORK!"

SM: Wow, I really like the cover for that!Here are some questions I have: (If there are too many or you can't answer, just let me know)What was your favorite/least favorite franchise to write for in the HB Archie? What was your favorite/least favorite character? What was it like writing for Archie, as a whole?SusanISo I learned that one of the characters, Scrappy, who was disliked by the fandom, had a new version of the character in hopes of “reviving” him to the fandom, but in the end was unceremoniously dropped after slowly having more infrequent appearances. Is that true? What's the story behind that?

BV: No question, my favorite character to write for was Mr. Spacely in “The Jetson”. He had an energy and anger that made him a lot of fun to write for.  What I loved most was working with the most underrated man in comics, Sid Jacobson. Sid co-created Richie Rich, Little Dot - most of Harvey’s characters. (Casper started as an animated cartoon. That Casper was very different from the one we know now.) I’ve never been very fond of Casper. He always struck me as being kinda mop.

SM: Casper's older then I thought...do you know anything about the aforementioned Scooby question?

BV: Well, Scrappy did wind up being the bad guy in the Scooby Doo feature film.He was an attempt to bring life to an old franchise that had mixed results. There are those who loved Scrappy - and then there people like me.

SM: Gotcha. I was talking about his Archie incarnation-I heard that the "animosity was too great" and things went south from there?

BV: This was a very weird period for me. I had been hired to be Humor Editor for a comic book version of Penthouse Magazine - it was called "Penthouse Comix". I was editing Adult Comics during the day and writing Yogi Bear at night. I was largely out of the loop then.

SM: Oh, got it. That must have been quite intense. While we're still on the subject of Scooby though, do you remember a villain you created called "The Gray One"?

BV: That was mine.Yup.I wrote that story mostly to create a secret agent called "R.U." I did that strictly so I could write the line, "Scooby Doo, where's R.U.?"

SM: I noticed in the story the Gray One's perception of the gang was a little...skewed, and since sometimes other writers of the comic had the gang acting rather differently, I was wondering if that was commentary on that.

BV: I wanted to play with the formate a bit.Try pushing the characters in directions they hadn't gone before.Telling a story from the criminals point of view, then finding out that he was fooled all along, struck me as being fun.

SM: It was. 

BV: What I wanted to do was show that all the villains the Mystery Machine fought in the past had ganged up to take down our heroes, but sadly that was not to be.Aw, you only said that because it's true.

SM: Yep! So past villains ganging up on the Scooby gang? What happened to that idea? I mean it doesn't seem to have seen the light of day, but what happened there?

BV: The thinking at the time is that kid comics couldn't handle extended story-lines. Each comic had to be a complete story, never refereed to again. What can I say? They had a point.A six year old buying a comic is a very different animal than a 45 year old comic book collector.I was happy that Sid allowed me to get away with as much as he did.

SM: It's odd, because some of the stories (I don't think they were yours) took a very adult direction...did having the infamous comics code in place ever make anything else difficult?

BV: The Comics Code had largely died in the 90s. Marvel had stopped submitting to the CC.Besides, if anything, I was more of a censor than anyone else.I always remembered that I was talking to 6 year olds, and tried to keep the comics appropriate for that group. After all, they were sold on racks that said "Wholesome Family Entertainment."The average comic sold 30,000 books. With a 3 to 1 pass along (that's other kids who read their friends comics) that's close to 100,000 young minds reading the book.Before turning in a script, I would imagine a football stadium filled with children. Is there anything in my story that I wouldn't say to those kids on a PA system.I have no problem with adult comics. Hell, I helped made them. But they have to be clearly labeled. I've never been a fan of sneaking things past the editor.

SM: This is kind of a silly question, but did you see anyone who worked at HB studios? (I know they probably just licensed it, but I was wondering just in case) Also, for that "Dry Eye Tips Book" did you do  that illustration? I really like it! So you mentioned that you wanted to push characters in new directions, how was that? (I did notice a more sensible Scrappy and a less bland Fred, but I want to hear what you had to say-and I’d like to apologize that these are Scooby-centric-old comics are difficult to come by and Scooby were the ones I happened upon more of) Did any other comic series push characters in new directions? Which Scooby villains did you want to bring back?

BV: Back in the day, I mostly wrote in my living room in Los Angeles. I rarely showed up to the office.Yes, I drew all the illustrations in "Tips To Fight Dry Eye ... That WORK!" And if you could mention that the book is coming out on January 1, 2019.  The next Graphic Novel I want to do is on President Warren G. Harding. I know it sounds dull, but Warren was the original G. O. Party Animal. The book would be sex and hootch and Red Hot Jazz.You're having trouble finding these books? Not half as much trouble as I am.About pushing the characters in new directions, I wanted to do it in a way that stayed true to the characters. One story that I wanted to do, but was shot down, was to have Judy Jetson fall in love with some romantic mope from another dimension who said that one second would her would be worth the end of all worlds. She runs away to smuggle herself to his dimension, while being chased by the cops. She discovers that the cute guy lives in an anti-matter dimension. If they touched, both dimensions would be destroyed. Judy thought the guy was spouting the nonsense boys tell girls - she didn't know he was serious.I was told that was a little too dark.I did a Magilla Gorilla / Yogi Bear story, strictly to show the differences between the two characters. (Yogi is a selfish, charming, lout while MG means well but causes trouble anyway.)I wanted to watch the entire run of the first incantation of SDWAY, and have them all in a room, plotting revenge. Cooler heads prevailed.All the villains, that is.

SM: I’d be happy to mention your book! (I don’t have dry eye, but I do love that cover XD) I don’t have many more questions.So you wanted to go strictly off of SDWAY series, then, but as a result of the higher ups the comic series wasn't continuous with any of the cartoons? Also, if they didn't want you to watch the shows, how did they have writers familiarize themselves with the material? Or were you given creative freedom there? Also, what would’ve happened at the end of that Jetsons idea you had?

BV: I wasn’t confrontational with anyone - I didn’t have to be. H/B was lucky to be edited by the most under-rated editor in Comic Book history; Sid Jacobson. Back in the 1950s, Sid improved the art at Harvey Comics, and the rest of the industry followed suit. Sid was always willing to listen to any idea, then improve on it. It was a happy time - I’d work with Sid again in a heartbeat.OCT 20TH, 

SM: Sorry for implying that there was anything confrontational going on behind the scenes. That wasn’t my intention when I asked. So what I was intending to ask when I was curious about the execs and continuity was if, timeline-wise, that meant it was unconnected from the cartoons? (If it is, no worries-I’m mostly just curious-if a bit pleased that either way, it seems that the infamous Scrappy-Doo Era and said character’s cartoon personality were not a thing here) This one is about your book-so is it all going to be in the form of comic, a semi-story with the dry eye symbolized by the little devil? So I asked what your favorite/least favorite character was. What was your favorite story that you wrote? What happened to Richie Rich that put it in legal limbo? (All I know was it used to be Harvey comics, then it became a cartoon for a few years) Thank you for your time and patience :)

BV: Jeff Montgomery and company viewed the characters as products to obtain movie contracts and sell T-Shirts. He viewed the comic book production division as a necessary evil - until he decided we weren't necessary any more. What he didn't understand was that, while the comics didn't make as much as a single Richie Rich Direct to Video Movie, they were the engine that kept the characters alive. Without the funny books, people forgot about Richie and company.

SM: Yikes.

BV: On the day we were fired, I walked into Jeff's office (while he was in the middle of a meeting with someone from Paramount) and stole his equipment. Staplers, pens. That kind of stuff.

SM: Then what happened?

BV: He pretended I wasn't there and nothing was happening. I loudly stated "I'm stealing this ... and this ... this is mine now". I kept that stuff, too.1

SM: Wow, that's-wow! XD

BV: It's the reason I'm self publishing these days. I guess I could get work if I begged.But the best I could hope for would be to insulted, paid a $40 page rate, and maybe make the company rich.Self publishing is no more risky, I have a lot more freedom, and the potential rewards are high.

SM: I did not know that! That's a really funny story, by the way. Also, do you have any answers to the other questions I wrote about above?

BV: Shoot them past me again.

SM: So what I was intending to ask when I was curious about the execs and continuity was if, timeline-wise, that meant it was unconnected from the cartoons? (If it is, no worries-I’m mostly just curious-if a bit pleased that either way, it seems that the infamous Scrappy-Doo Era and said character’s cartoon personality were not a thing here) This one is about your book-so is it all going to be in the form of comic, a semi-story with the dry eye symbolized by the little devil? So I asked what your favorite/least favorite character was. What was your favorite story that you wrote?

BV: 1. No, they had no relation to the cartoons at all. 2. My book is a graphic novel - told entirely in comic book form. I'm doing that because Dry Eye is an unpleasant subject to discuss. The comic book format will make the story clearer and more fun to read.  I have a fondness for "Escape From Nyak, Nyak, Nyak." I had to move to New York to work for a company I wanted nothing to do with. That story was my goodbye to California and Harvey.

[abadpoetwithdreams]

Nirvana in Fire Episode 9 Reaction

In just one week I will be taking to the skies yet again, this time to go visit my dear friend ewokshootsfirst for two weeks! So as of this typing I hope to finish this reaction post before I depart, since I do not expect to get any writing done while I am away, but if I don't manage that feat then, um, sorry, and I guess you are reading this in early February instead of mid-January. (Note: GUESS WHAT it's February I literally resumed watching this ep as SOON as I was back in the US and dramafever stopped blocking my videos (I found out even saved-for-offline-viewing videos are unwatchable overseas the hard way, lol). I did write about half of this before my trip, but the rest is post. While very jetlagged.)

Episode nine begins with a focus on a sign that apparently reads Su Residence hanging over a doorway, so this is our cue that Mei Chang Su has, indeed, moved out of the Snow Cottage. Ironically, his new manor is covered with literal snow, as the fall from Jing Rui's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Night has evidently not slowed, but never mind that. I hate that now whenever I see snow falling at night my first thought will be good time for a murder, btw. Thanks, Nirvana in Fire.

There are lots of workers bustling around carrying furniture and sweeping and mending things and doing other busy moving-house work, and in the midst of them in the middle of a snowy courtyard Fei Liu is building a snowman. Or at least he is piling snow up in a shape that might turn into a snowman. Maybe he is building a SnowMeng to destroy. Su is watching him fondly from beneath a sheltering jut of roof. When a man (might be Li Gang, hard to tell from this distance) tells Su he should go inside, because it is too cold for him out of doors (he looks very bundled up in this scene), he says okay and then immediately is like FEI LIU THROW ME A SNOWBALL which is the exact opposite thing to what he just agreed to, sighhhh. So he starts playing catch with Fei Liu in the snow, and it would be adorable because he looks so giddy and happy, but I'm with his household on this one, GET INSIDE AND GET WARM, MCS. Why do even the cute things on this hell show just make me sad??? A woman also scolds him and tells him to go inside (and again he says okay and doesn't budge, behold Actual Child Lin Shu, ladies and gentlemen), but then a fellow named Doctor Yan shows up, and he looks Serious. All it takes is a harrumph from the imposing-looking doctor, and Su guiltily, reluctantly, retreats indoors. This is an oddly charming scene, but of course in typical NiF fashion it's also terribly sad, because it isn't fair, our hero should be able to play in the snow and enjoy the chill air, and it's yet another reminder of how he is caged: in his invalid body, in his false face and persona, in his self-imposed quest for justice. Strangely enough, this scene reminds me of how Jing Rui described how carefree his friend Su was before they returned to the capitol together. For the first time, I can sort of imagine what that would have been like, and it is heartbreaking.

Young Master Lin Chen is so smart to have sent Doctor Yan over, Li Gang says with a smile, as he watches Su re-enter the house. Ahh, Lin Chen, the sword dancer! Nice to hear his name mentioned again, as I have not seen him since episode one and I quite liked him in that ep. Also a reminder that he was the one looking after Su's health, and it would seem that has not changed.

Meanwhile Minister Gao is happily pouring himself a relaxing cup of tea, cheerfully expounding upon how good he feels now that he has handed the murder well case off to the other ministry as Ban Ruo suggested. If he had kept working on that case any longer, he jokes, I'm afraid that this case might still be around but I wouldn't be. His audience, one of his subordinates, laughs politely and then says slightly apologetically that The magistrate of Lantai County seeks an audience. Gao reacts as poorly as might be expected, all happy relaxation feelings gone, but his officer hastens to reassure him that this is nothing like the murder well case. It is simply that people have spotted a beast on Xiaogu Mountain. Wait, what? That has to be relevant to the plot somehow but as of now it just seems really random. Gao says the other man should take care of it on his own, and expresses his fervent wish that no more cases implicating imperial officials pop up. I don't think he will get his wish; not as long as Mei Chang Su lives, anyway.

Now it is time to check in on what Yu is doing! A new character has arrived to meet with him: this is Minister Qi, and I thiiiink he is Yu's ally in the Ministry of Justice, because he reports that Minister Gao took Ban Ruo's hint and sent all case materials to the Ministry of Justice, and Yu responds by saying that now he knows that the case is in Qi's hands he no longer worries about anything. Minister Qi smiles way too much, it's creepy. Well, smile while you can, mister; I am certain MCS will come for you eventually! Qi reminds Yu that if they manage to take down Lou Zhi Jing then Yu will be able to hopefully install one of his supporters in the highly influential Minster of Revenue position, further growing his political power. Yu definitely knows this already, so this is just early-episode exposition to remind the viewer of where the stakes are in this situation.

Cut to: Mei Chang Su again, and AHH I LOVE THIS SCENE. Mainly because it introduces what is one of my favourite bits of MCS Extraness™ so far, namely, the game pieces. Yeah, that's what I want to call them: these wooden tiles carved with a lot of writing I obviously can't read. Are they supposed to be a visual nod to mahjong, with its eliminating pairs of pieces from the gameboard? (Since as is revealed in this scene, Su is balancing how he is crippling CP and Yu by taking out their allies in even matches?) Anyway, he is holding two of them meditatively, as he sits in his new manor, and when Meng shows up to ask what he is plotting (hi, Meng!), Su begins to lay out the rules of this deadly game he is playing with the powerful officials in government.

Yu and the Crown Prince are vying for the throne, says Su. We know this. He then goes on to elaborate, however: each prince has equal power over the six ministries of government. We already know CP has Revenue and Yu has Justice, but now we have confirmation that this equal balance exists. Meng, listening, suddenly frowns and stoops closer: there on the table are six wooden tiles, each painted with the name of a ministry. THE GAME IS AFOOT, WATSON. I LOVE THIS. It's both really cool, a very clever and dramatic visual way of helping the viewer keep track of what is surely about to become a very very complicated game of politics, but also just a little chilling to see Su literally reduce people in the capitol to pieces in his game. Is there a tile with Jing Rui's name on it because I wouldn't be surprised. Just disappointed.

Meng lays each piece out and says what each is, which I appreciate because dramafever wasn't subtitling the tiles themselves and for an instant I was worried I'd have to track down online translations for them (I have tried to avoid any and all googling related to this show because I'm terrified of spoilers). The Ministries are:

Justice, Personnel, and Public Works (Yu's team) Revenue, Justice, and Rites (CP's team)

Not sure why Justice is listed on both sides, unless they are different branches of it or something. Or just a subtitle thing again. Guess I'll find out as I go along.

Meng pauses, considering the tiles, and then looks up at Su, who has been watching him in silence. You are thinking about cutting off their supporters one by one? he asks, looking, I think, a bit concerned. Su smiles like this is a private joke, then replies that he isn’t just getting rid of the six ministries (JUST the six ministries, oh yeah, because obviously that would be underachieving), he is getting rid of our old friend the Duke of Qing (who has been haunting the doings on this show ever since the beginning of episode one!) and the Marquis of Ning as well. Military? Meng asks, and Su confirms. He is looking not just to destabilize the powers that be in government: he means to utterly tear them down. Lin Shu has come home to ruin the lives of everyone who wronged him and to raise up the righteous and guys I'm getting emotional about this I have to move on.

As we already know, the Marquis supports CP and the Duke of Qing supports Yu, keeping that balance of power equal. And now Su starts illustrating to Meng how he has started to tear his foes apart, all the while carefully keeping that balance so that they do not suspect: the Minister of Revenue, Lou Zhi Jing, is done for after the whole Orchid Garden scandal, taking out one person from team CP. And how does Su illustrate this? By picking up Revenue's tile, considering it for a moment, and then casually tossing it into the brazier so it can burn there and keep him warm. Lin Shu is my favourite drama queen, this is so unnecessary and yet so satisfying. BuRN THEM BURN THEM ALL

Furthermore, he reminds both Meng and us the viewers, the Duke of Qing has also been taken down, so that's one less ally for Yu. Su allows himself a tiny smile at this one, and then yep, into the brazier the tile goes. Prince Yu might still want to fight for his ally, though, says Su, and even more ironically he might come to Su for help in that fight. And then, with perfect comedic timing cutting the tension of this scene: in comes a servant announcing that Yu has just arrived for a visit. Meng is impressed by Su's predictive skills, but you can just see the animation leave Su's face, and indeed his entire body; he visibly sags, steeling himself. He may have anticipated the visit, but he is not happy about having to deal with Yu again. He was enjoying showing off to Meng, I think; enjoying being able to share his plans with a friend he can trust.

Meng says ah, I will go into hiding before Yu comes in, and I was honestly a bit disappointed he didn't just do the ol' lampshade over the head and stand in a corner bit or whatever the equivalent of that is in ancient fantasy China, but he exits to hide much more sensibly and now we cut to see Yu stepping down from his carriage at Su's door, and he is wearing this giant collar of almost blue fur, his outfit is exquisite. Oh, and we also see Su return his wooden tiles to where he stores them in a plain wooden box at his side, while meanwhile the Duke of Qing and Minister of Revenue are burning merrily away in the brazier. Still totally legible, by the way, but this doesn’t seem to worry Su so I won’t let it worry me either (but can you imagine how amazing it would be if Yu noticed, ahahaha).

They talk about the Duke of Qing case a little and Yu tries to act like, oh, that's all water under the bridge, no hard feelings. But then he makes a formal bow (!) and asks Su for help on the case! Father has already formally summoned Prince Jing today to appoint him in charge of trying the case, says Yu. Su does a very good fake surprise reaction at hearing this.

(We are also treated to a glorious little scene that basically just consists of the Minister of Justice scurrying to welcome Prince Jing to his office and praising Jing for his military service and commenting on what an honor it is to have him visit (lies) and not-so-subtly asking why are you here instead of resting on your time off from the battlefields? and then Jing turns around with icy deliberation and just fixes him and his sycophancy with the most deadpan, scathing Look, and WELCOME BACK JINGYAN I HAVE MISSED YOU SO)

Back at Su's house he asks Yu: didn't you or the Crown Prince protest Jing taking control of this case? Yu looks unhappy as he admits that the Emperor has forbidden them from getting involved, and further that whatever Jing decides will probably go in the Crown Prince's favor (since, remember, Yu's ally is in the wrong here, and Jing will always be fair). But Yu cannot do anything to interfere, or his dad would be very upset. He also admits that he is worried because he cannot bribe/influence that stubborn Prince Jing anyway LOL. That's my boy!

Su looks a little proud of that stubborn Prince Jing but he does remind Yu that Jing owes him a favor (for shielding him from punishment in the Ni Huang case). Yu just huffs a small, disparaging laugh at that:

You might not know what my seventh brother is like. I have never sen anyone in Imperial Court who is as thickheaded and behaves more like an old fogey. Not even father can handle him at times. I'm afraid that small favor isn't enough to make him obey me.

Priceless. Mei Chang Su, listening to Yu's analysis of Jing, looks increasingly amused, but manages to hold himself in check. He also fidgets a bit with his right hand (all these closeups of Hu Ge's hands are killing me btw I always love watching how people use their hands in film and his are so nice. Yes, I guess I have two fixations on this show: Su's hands and Jing's eyebrows.) which I guess is significant since the camera focuses on it but I don't know why. Maybe that's his tell when he's thinking hard, I'll have to pay more attention in future.

Su says So essentially you want me to somehow control Jing to make sure the Duke is spared punishment? Yu leans forward eagerly: that is exactly what he wants, and if Su can do it, Prince Yu will be extremely grateful. Su keeps fidgeting with that hand. Maybe it's more just a tell of when he wants to kill someone lol

Meanwhile, Jing is making the Minister of Justice's life miserable by reciting the protocol for the trial at him, demanding proper preparations be made, and announcing his Imperial-ordained authority over the trial. Qi tries to bluster and delay by saying he hasn't received any orders from the Emperor yet, so he cannot start doing what Jing says until he gets said orders! Jing blinks, taken aback a bit: I AM the Imperial order, I just told them to you right now, he says. That's not the same as actually seeing official paperwork, Qi simpers, and it's easy to see why he likes Yu, they are both super slimy. Look, Prince Jing, he says, in a very insincere show of apology, I wish I could start helping right away and it isn't like I WANT to make you look bad, it's just that official protocol says I cannot do what you say until I get the paperwork. Aw what a shame. Oh, and also I am already busy with many important cases and am understaffed etc. etc. so you might have to wait a while to get this case started anyway! Poor Jing looks very put out, but he cannot exactly argue. How long does Qi need to prep the case? he asks. Oh, not too many days, Qi replies. It should only take maybe two weeks? How does two weeks sound? I hate Qi. Jing considers, then steps forward. The official paperwork will arrive tomorrow, and I will return here then, he says. By then, think carefully before you answer me. And then he just WALKS like a BOSS out of there, knocking Qi deliberately aside with his shoulder as he goes and totally ignoring the Minister of Justice's attempts at speaking to him further. He's so sick of having to deal with this horrid little man already and he hasn't even properly started the job yet, poor Jing.

Back with Su and Yu: Su tells the prince that what he is asking for is a dead end path. When Yu is confused, Su explains: Yu is very powerful and has everything going for him but he has forgotten the most important rule: that there is one person against whom you must never set yourself, namely, the Emperor. Yu leaps to his feet, alarmed. What? Su is mistaken; he would NEVER go against his father's will! This is a big deal not just because obviously one must not cross one's emperor, but also the emperor is Yu's father so doing anything against him is a huge crime against his filial responsibility as well as his political allegiance. No wonder Yu has such a violent reaction to Su accusing him of such an act.

Our Mei Chang Su, however, is unfazed. Who do you think demanded that Qing be tried to begin with? he asks Yu. Do you think it was the Crown Prince or Jing? No; it was the Emperor, and thus if you try to interfere with the outcome of the trial in anyway you are setting yourself against not one of your brothers but against the Emperor himself. DO look at the big picture, Yu.

Yu sinks back down, shaken. Is there really no solution? Yu asks. Su shakes his head: The Duke of Qing is a lost cause, he says, and I think Your Highness knows it. (This is intercut with the Duke of Qing and his family being dragged out of their house in chains, to emphasize just how Doomed he is.) Yu takes a bracing gulp of tea and says he does not think Su understands just how important Qing is to him. Oh, I do, says Su, with a slight chuckle (you have NO idea, Yu). Yu starts to question why Su left the Marquis' manor so quickly: surely there must be a reason? Su dodges the question, and Yu backs off a little disappointed, but then vows that as long as you are willing to favor me, the gates of my manor will always be open for you. Su doesn't exactly look thrilled by this promise, but that's just what he gets for his deceptions working so well. I'm pretty sure in the novel I remember him literally throwing up after spending time talking with Yu because Yu nauseates him literally that much, so I like imagining that that expression is just his fighting not to hurl face. All of Mei Chang Su and Yu's conversations are made even better by just keeping in mind that Su is spending them fighting not to literally vomit.

We meet yet another new character: Lie Zhan Ying, Jing's adjudant general! He works with Jing so I automatically like him. He also has something of Jing's straightforward, no-nonsense mannerisms, which is a nice way to remind us of the divide between the political and the pugilist lifestyles, I love all the attention to detail in this show. Ying has arrived at whichever political building is holding the plaintiffs in the Duke of Qing case, to collect them and bring them to Jing's manor. The official who meets him at the door is wholly obliging, in stark contrast to Minister Qi's attitude towards Jing earlier. This official also mentions that the Crown Prince sent a message saying Prince Jing is going to all this trouble, so we mustn't hinder him. He also mentions how We are all working for the Emperor here, so basically Mei Chang Su was 100% correct in his advice to Yu and Yu has dodged a bullet by taking his advice and not trying to mess with the case. His meddling would have been VERY obvious and would have made him look VERY bad.

We return to Su and Yu, the former of whom is apparently walking the latter out. Yu takes a moment to ask if there is any further advice that Mei Chang Su wishes to impart? In my opinion, replies the very innocent and unbiased Divine Talent, it's best for Your Highness to abandon Duke of Qing State now and support Prince Jing. YOU SNEAKY CAD I LOVE YOU. (Sidenote: I forget if I mentioned this before, but the lighting work in this drama is delightful. This scene, for example, looks so very cold even without the clouds of breath curling up when the actors speak, it's lit so everything and everyone looks so frozen and sharp and blue. I'm yelling at my screen for Su to go put that gorgeous fur collar back on, even Yu is wearing his furs for goodness' sake, BEHAVE, LIN SHU.)

Yu is taken aback but considers. Jing is a prince, he says, and is acting under Imperial decree. No one, therefore, would think to stand against him; what does he need Yu's support for? Okay, so he has seemingly conveniently forgotten that that is EXACTLY what HE was planning to do just a few minutes ago. After a moment he grudgingly concedes that Minister Qi miiiiiiight stall things a bit, but that is all. Su, who totally eye rolled when Yu played innocent, shakes his head with a smile. Certainly Jing might need the support of the Ministry of Justice for the case, he says, but he isn't just talking about this mess with Qing. He is talking of all the days to come. And I start cackling at the look on Yu's serious duped face because I swear, if Mei Chang Su successfully tricks Prince Yu into supporting Prince Jing and aiding in his ascension to power, I will laugh myself SICK. THIS IS SO GOOD.

Su calmly explains that there will be more cases to be tried after Qing, and many of them will undoubtedly involve powerful families and wealthy landowners like the Duke. How could Prince Jing handle that alone? If Prince Yu were to throw his political weight behind Jing, then not only would Jing truly owe him on a scale that he could not ignore, but the Emperor would also be pleased because this would help him in implementing his agricultural policy. It is a win-win, Yu! Listen to the Divine Talent!

Sooo . . . you are having me draw Prince Jing over to my side? Yu asks slowly. My cackling intensifies.

Yep, that is correct, Su says, and with a touch of smugness: I have been planning this since the Ni Huang incident.

Yu is most impressed. He presses Su to tell him what the point of this strategy is. Su answers easily: What is the fuss about losing the Duke of Qing State? In terms of military power would two Dukes of Qing State even make up for one Prince Jing? OH, BRILLIANT. When presented like that, it make SO much sense! If you can get Jing on your side everyone is always on about his stubbornness and his lack of subtlety, so he would be the ideal ally. Plus, everyone (Yu and CP included) keep overlooking him because he has zero political power. But he has spent his entire adult life building military power. So of COURSE he would be more valuable a military ally than Qing! LIN SHU I LOVE YOU. AGAIN.

Prince Yu spends a full ten seconds silently having his mind blown (yes, I timed them, because his myriad of baffled/astonished/delighted expressions was HILARIOUS to watch, all hail this actor) but he emerges out the other side with a giddy smile. If I could win Prince Jing over, that would be great! He exclaims excitedly, before sobering a little to add that but judging by his temperment he wouldn't obey my orders to summon the army when I need him. LOLOL I WANT TO SEE THAT AU PLEASE.

Again, Su looks pretty amused by this read on Jing's character. He reminds Yu, however: why on earth would Yu ever need an army? Is he planning on taking the throne by force? WHAT? NO THAT IS CRAZY TALK, says a very worried Yu. That's right, Su. Play him like a fiddle.

We interrupt this scene to enjoy a temper tantrum being thrown by good ol' CP, who is raging about how Yu has essentially done in Lou Zhi Jing. Fine, then, he shouts, I will make certain he loses the Duke of Qing, too! And thus he is following neatly the path Su has laid out for him, effectively disguising the hand of Mei Chang Su in all this. The Marquis, much calmer (he always worries me, he is too clever), says CP doesn't have to worry about the Duke; even if Yu dared try to meddle in the trial, Prince Jing wouldn't back down. The Duke is doomed. Similarly, though, the Marquis points out, Lou Zhi Jing is also definitely going to be convicted of his various disgusting crimes. This means that the position of Minister of Revenue will soon be vacant! If CP acts fast, he can recommend one of his allies to the position before Yu can and thus can take control of that political seat and tip the scales in his favor. CP is mollified by this, but then goes on to scoff at the Marquis' urging that he not be anxious:

As long as Mei Chang Su exists how can I possibly remain calm? No matter where he moves to, you have to get rid of him!

Uh, oh. The Crown Prince storms off and the Marquis does not look unduly bothered by the order. Ugh, Jing Rui, you deserve so much better but your father is a toad.

Back with Yu and MCS, Su is continuing to remind Yu of his place. In the capital His Majesty is in charge of the Palace Guards. Commander General Meng watches over the palace. Should anything go wrong, who would have the chance to launch an attack once the Imperial decree was made? Yu looks so intensely uncomfortable. You're right, he admits to Su. Su reminds him the goal now should be to gain the Emperor's favor.

As to who gets military support, it's just a matter of perspective. What's the point of having [Jing] obey your every word? Even if we were to say at the least that should Crown Prince one day seek to hatch an evil plot and put His Majesty in danger, or to go against his decree, judging from Prince Jing's personality would he wait to be summoned by you to defend His Majesty?

Yu thinks this over, sighs, and agrees. Prince Jing prides himself on being righteous, he says disapprovingly. Oh, Yu. Su reminds him that helping Jing doesn't mean doing anything grandoise, just--be friendlier. It seems I will have to pay a visit to Prince Jing's manor tomorrow for your sake, Su says. He explains basically that Jing is super dumb when it comes to politics and so he must himself intercede to Jing on Yu's behalf to let him know what's up, otherwise Jing probably wouldn't even recognize any favors Yu does for him. Su is so mean when talking about Jing, he must love him very much. Also, this is hilarious that he has justified his comings and goings to Jing's manor to his enemy like this, so now when Yu sees Su with Jing he will just be happy and think they are working for him, while they are all the while working together to burn him down. Yu even bows to Su in gratitude, thanking him for his hard work, and if Yu wasn't such a hateful snake of a man I would feel very sorry for him right now. But he is, so I don't. Plus Su's blank, dead-eyed expression as he accepts this wholly misplaced gratitude has me laughing. He looks like he is 0.0005 seconds away from just turning to the camera and breaking the fourth wall like he's on The Office. Yu also pledges to be personally responsible for Su's safety, no matter what CP and the Marquis try. How many birds has Su killed with this one stone of a conversation? Lots of birds.

Yu magnanimously says Su does not have to walk him out, as he is an invalid and it is still very cold and wet; melting snow or rain or both has been dripping from the rafters of these scenes for quite some time now. Su watches him depart, and then Li Gang rushes up with The Fur and it's like the sight of the thick cloak reminds Su that he is cold; where moments before he had been holding himself with perfect ease around Yu, he now shivers and clutches the cloak close. I am very grateful to Li Gang for taking care of my boy. I wonder if Su deliberately ordered his men not to give him any warm wraps until after Yu left, for appearance's/pride's sake.  The two men return inside, and Su explains to a wondering Li Gang that he had to spend a very long time talking with Yu because Yu is difficult to deal with: he is very meticulous. Interesting.Whenever Su admits anyone is a challenge to manipulate I feel like I'm marking off this character checklist in my head: knowing that Su feels he has to tread carefully when speaking with Yu, for example, will add a nice layer of tension in their future meetings.

What is heartbreaking about this conversation is it is one of the few times we have so far where Su really does seem to be at his limit. He just seems so very tired--mentally from the intricate net he had to weave to catch Yu in, emotionally from having to pretend to be so cordial and mild-mannered around Yu when probably all he wants to do is stab Yu in the eye repeatedly (or, like, shoot him in the eye with an arrow, I suppose, wasn't it mentioned that Lin Shu's weapon of choice was the bow? A super awesome choice, by the way, as it is yet another shade of character depth: our hero's specialty was ranged weaponry and now here he is in the thick of the action in the capitol having to deal with all his enemies up close and personal. Just a fun little note), and physically because of the whole, you know, not-so-slowly-dying thing. Let the man rest! Where did that grumpy doctor go??

And, alas, Mei Chang Su cannot take the time to rest. Already he is moving onto the next stage of his plan: he tells Li Gang as they walk along (with Li Gang carefully supporting his boss, I am so grateful for this man) that he needs to visit Prince Jing tomorrow. Oh, and that he will also be bringing some golden chainmail. Whaaaat? Is it going to be dangerous? a very alarmed Li Gang exclaims. Su indulges first in a solid couple seconds of flat, disappointed staring, and then with a most massive eyeroll and silent sigh before he begins explaining, poor exhausted man. This is why he needs someone like Ni Huang on his side, someone similarly brilliant to himself and capable of making the same intellectual leaps he does, so that he does not have to constantly be explaining himself all the time. He just looks and sounds so Done.

The chainmail is to be a gift for little Ting Sheng, he says. That's super cute. But Li Gang disapproves, saying such a gift will be too suspicious coming from the East Yangtze Alliance leader. True, true. But it is odd that Su had not considered that; another sign seemingly of how worn thin he is right now. He asks Li Gang what he should do then (again, odd that he is asking someone else's advice, I cannot recall him doing that before??) but before Li Gang can come up with an alternative (he looks pretty stumped) Su calls Fei Liu (who was chilling on the rooftop, as one does) and tells him he will be giving a gift to Ting Sheng tomorrow. When Li Gang starts trying to comment on this plan, stating and restating the obvious about how Fei Liu is so eccentric no one will think such a valuable gift weird, Su juSt LIFTS his hand without even looking to coVER LI GANG'S MOUTH MID-SENTENCE, silencing him, and then he has the gall to look grumpily at his hand and SHAKE it like "EEW" BEFORE WALKING OFF he is so DONE LIN SHU IS DONE WITH TODAY HIS PEOPLE WOULDN'T LET HIM PLAY IN THE SNOW AND THEN HE HAD TO SPeND HOUrs PRETENDING TO LIKE PRINCE YU AND HE JUST HATES EVERYTHING I LOVE HIM SO MUCHHHH. WHAT AN ICON.

Then we get a hilarious scene where Minister Qi happily reports to Yu that he stalled Jing and sent him away earlier and it was so easy because Jing is a political idiot hohohoho and then Yu steps forward menacingly and is all Who told you to make him leave? and Qi suddenly realizes with a look of absolute horror that he did the Wrong Thing and it's beautiful. This show is so sad and so intense and so emotionally complex and then it every so often just turns into this terrific comedy of errors (that scene with the two princes madly competing for Su's attention at the combat trials always comes to mind as a brilliant example of this) and its so? Funny? This show is a GIFT.

Cut to the Marquis of Ning's manor at night, presumably that night! He has a headache. His son in law--Jing Rui's brother-in-law but also maybe Actual Brother because this family is so messed up, the pugilist dad son whose name I forget--shows up to report that he has sent out some men. Are you confident this time? asks the Marquis. Based on earlier goings on I'm guessing this is yet another attempt on the Divine Talent's life. Over at Su's manor, he is trying to convince a very disapproving Fei Liu that golden chainmail is a good present for Ting Sheng. Once he explains that Ting Sheng is not as good a fighter as Fei Liu and thus chainmail is something he will both like and actually find useful, Fei Liu is sold, and as always I really enjoy this scene between just the two of them, but then they hear a commotion. Go ahead, Su tells a suddenly alert Fei Liu, who darts off. Su then deliberately starts reading a book and ignoring the various sounds of fierce combat coming from outside, lol. Or at least trying to ignore; he's probably just trying to distract himself since he can't go join in. Li Gang eventually reports that all intruders were killed, so so much for the Marquis' second assassination attempt!

Next day we see Su stepping down from a carriage at the gates of Jing's manor. The Sad Music is back and he's got that awful heartbreaking Look on his face again--the one he had when Ni Huang led him to his old house, the one he had when royal grandma ripped my heart out. So I immediately am like OH NO and I try to brace myself for something soul-crushing. But you know what I have learned? You cannot brace yourself for any of the pain this show inflicts. If Nirvana in Fire wants you to hurt, then by golly you are going to HURT, and there is nothing you can do to prevent that.

Because we suddenly get a freaking FLASHBACK. A FLASHBACK YOU GUYS. We haven't had any flashbacks before except to the battle where Lin Shu fell off that cliff!!! And now out of NOWHERE we see a 17-yr-old Jing SMILINGGGGGGG ANd LIN SHU IS WITH HIM AND LIKE IT'S SO CUtE I CAN'T THEY'RE RuNNING UP tHE STePS TO THE GATe AND NOOOOOOOO

AND WANG KAI'S V.O. SOuNDS SO DIFFERENT FROM HIS USUAL JING VOICE It'S SO HAPPY???? MY BOYS WERE HAPPY THEY WERE FREAKING BEST FRIENDS I KNEW IT I kNEW IT and LIN SHU WWAS SO CUUUUUTE LOOK AT THEMMMMM

(Also like they're wearing the same colors so I love that visually, obviously, but also lol Lin Shu changed his WHOLE physical appearance somehow to disguise himself but his clothing is EXACTLY the same what a loser)

So the gist of the V.O. is that my fave boys were each other's fave boys too and Jing got this mansion when he was just 17 and eagerly assured Lin Shu that as far as he is concerned it is Lin Shu's as well because Shu is is best friend and what is his is theirs as far as he is concerned and omg someone make these tears stop

(ALSO he mentions that Prince Qi was the one who found the place for him! How much older was Qi than these two when he died? My impression is old enough to be the impressive cool role model but young enough that they felt personally close to him too. I'm gonna guess mid-20s????)

The flashback ends with the camera lingering to watch the shades of these two laughing, affectionate, bright-faced boys running side by side through the gate and up to the house, running away from us, as we can do nothing but watch them rush blithely forward, knowing what horrible, unfair futures await them. It's so mean, and so effective. I LOVE it. I'm also left shaken not only by the unexpected glimpse of what Lin Shu and Jing's past lives were like and what they both have lost, but by the certainty that this short flashback must surely mean there are MORE flashbacks coming in future and OH NO but also OH yES GIVE ME ALL THE PAIN.

We return to present-day Lin Shu, who is standing gazing up those stairs, watching his past self disappear. This place hasn't changed at all, he says, quietly. It's just like how it was back then. MY HEART.

And now here comes Jing to greet his guest. He bows coldly but politely, and Mei Chang Su pays his respects too. I am in agony. Ting Sheng is very cute and bows all the way to the ground for Su, his savior, and Su helps him up with a smile and he's so sweet with kids you guys

Ting Sheng really lights up when he sees Fei Liu, who proudly bestows his gift on the kid. When Jing realizes what the gift is, he bristles and tries to give it back to Su, saying it is too valuable a present. And Su, wholly innocently, says the gift isn't from him, for goodness' sake, it is from Fei Liu, so go talk to him about it instead! Poor Jing is so confused by this, clearly unsure of how to deal with Fei Liu. The latter of whom promptly snatches the chain mail back from Jing's hands and plops it firmly back in Ting Sheng's arms. Su watches, not even bothering to hide his amusement, and Jing after a moment's inward struggle gives up and invites Su inside, effectively allowing Ting Sheng to keep the chainmail after all. Point to Mei Chang Su! The boys scamper off to play together or fight together or whatever and their fake dads head inside for their own meeting.

(Jing's outfit is especially beautiful today, btw. I missed you, Wang Kai.)

Jing introduces Su to his guard as his friend Su Zhe, and then the two of them retreat further to Jing's private study. Along the way, Su is plainly eating up the place with his eyes, these halls must be full of ghosts for him. He pauses to look out over a courtyard, and Jing pauses too, to confess that all those men they spoke with had been present when Su's arrival was announced: they had wanted to see the famous Su Zhe for themselves. So we took a detour? Su supplies, with mild good humor. Jing's subtly changing expressions here are a marvel: slight embarrassment at being found out, relief that Su is not affronted, a momentary glance of reevaluation like he is sizing up Su again, and then even a small smile as he relaxes just a little. Is our favourite prince warming up to the Divine Talent a little? Time will tell, I suppose! But this tiny exchange is certainly the closest thing to friendliness that has passed between these two so far, and contrasted with that flashback it's like a punch to the gut. Also, the MUSIC. The Sad Music is playing again, but it's being played by a flute or whistle or something instead of the deep strings that usually play it, so it feels tremulous and hopeful instead of melancholic and that makes it even worse and also sooooo much better. Once again, I take a moment to rage at how this OST isn't available to buy anywhere that I can find.

Anyway, they get to the study and it's very sweet how Jing notices Su looks unwell and inquires after his comfort and calls for one of his men to bring in more braziers to heat the room when Su says he is cold because remember Jing doesn't even LIKE Su. He is just a Good Boy. He also congratulates Su on his recent move, because apparently Mu Qing is a gossip and told Jing all about it, ahaha. Su tells Jing the reason for his visit is to express goodwill on behalf of Prince Yu: Jing will now be able to run the trial of the Duke of Qing without any difficulties. Okay, but that is what I was going to do anyway, says Jing, because of course he does. Su wryly asks whether Minister Qi had been helpful? It doesn't matter if he has, Jing responds, stubbornly unfazed. Whether he cooperates or not the case will still be tried the way it should be. He is so totally out of his depth, bless his heart. Su looks so--not happy, but lighter. Jing's unshakeable, forthright virtue must be so refreshing. The contrast between his demeanor in this conversation and his frayed-thin, irritable behavior the previous day is very obvious.

Meanwhile, Ting Sheng is proudly giving Fei Liu a tour of his new home. They go to the military training ground, where Ting Sheng says he spends most of his time. Sometimes even Prince Jing himself comes to train him, he says, and ugh that is the cutest mental image ever. Fei Liu snorts: Jing is a poor fighter, he tells his erstwhile student, in a tone that implies he thinks Ting Sheng deserves better, and Ting Sheng doesn't even defend Jing, he just grins in agreement because if Fei Liu says it then it MUST be true. I adore these kids' friendship and pray nothing bad happens to them in future. It's weird and cute and sort of sad seeing how simple their lives are, largely oblivious to all the machinations all around them and even involving them.

Li Gang, however, tries to hush Fei Liu and remind him to be respectful, and Fei Liu of course responds by elaborating: even General Meng is better than Prince Jing! (Somewhere, Meng probably feels suddenly cheerful and doesn't know why.) Li Gang tries to do more damage control, so Fei Liu continues on: I'm the best, he says. It isn't even bragging, he just says it like it is the obvious truth. One of Jing's commanders overhears this and looks very annoyed by it, to put it mildly. Uh, oh.

Back in Jing's study, Mei Chang Su is quizzing him about how he views the case. Jing lays out how he has examined the evidence and it's simple in his eyes: the Duke is obviously guilty. Su plays a sort of game with Jing by playing devil's advocate and tossing a variety of excuses and loopholes at him and Jing manages to thwart them all: the Duke is guilty, and justice will be served. Su is impressed and very proud of his (former????) friend. Then Su lays out some BRILLIANT advice to Jing: basically, Jing is going to continue to judge over cases that involve wealthy landowners, right? And a lot of them will be guilty of the same crimes as the Duke. But Su says Jing should be careful not to punish them all the same way, even if their criems are the same. Why? Because if they were all punished the same, they would feel commonly wronged by the Emperor and might form an alliance against him, united by a shared anger. If there is no apparent pattern to the severity of the punishment, however, then the landowners will be jealous of/suspicious of each other, and will be focused more on comparing their lot with that of their neighbors', and they will not be unified. BRILLIANT, I SAY. Jing agrees with the wisdom in this plan. Su recommends he lets off some of Yu's guilty allies lightly as a way of saying thanks to Yu for his support. Jing frowns: Yu should be fighting to save the Duke of Qing right now. Why is he instead helping Jing take down his own ally? You are now very important to him, Su smiles, slightly sarcastically. Jing mulls this over. This is all thanks to you, he tells Su. And he should thank him, but . . . Jing does not want people to think that he is friends with or supporting Prince Yu. He doesn't want to side with either of his terrible brothers. Su tries to assure him that people will understand, but Jing is not appeased.

What others might think is not my concern, he clarifies. However, the spirits of heroes still linger. I don't want them to think that I have finally surrendered to the others.

Su tries to comfort him: Since they were once heroes, they will know who you truly are. Jing does not look convinced in the slightest. HOW has he survived all these years surrounded by enemies and ghosts, never able to forget either?

Su stands up and paces the room a little to try to ease some stiffness and numbness in his legs, and then he approaches a bow that is displayed on its own plinth in the room and this is it, even after the flashback, THIS is the moment of this episode that kills me. Because immediately my whole brain is just OMG THAT MUST BE LIN SHU'S BOW FREAKING JING HAS KEPT IT ALL THIS TIME

Su reaches out to touch it, and Jing, who had been concerned about Su's discomfort because he is a Good Boy, immediately SNAPS at him: Don't touch it! Su freezes. Jing leaps to his feet. Badpoet dies.

Su almost whispers his apology, and Jing approaches him, with a very visible hitch in his breathing as he tries to settle himself after his sudden alarm and impulsive reaction. He looks as though he is fighting down the adrenaline rush of only barely avoiding a tragedy. Perhaps he did. But shaken as he is he also looks a little sorry for yelling harshly at his invalid guest. Jingmum raised him right.

Jing tries to explain, his eyes drawn to the bow almost as if against his will: Please don't take it to heart. This once belonged to my late friend. When he was alive, he never liked to have his belongings touched by strangers. Oh, my gosh, he isn't even so protective of this weapon because it is important or of sentimental value to HIM, it's because Lin Shu hated people touching his stuff, and Jing is a Good Friend, a Best Friend, and Su's face, hidden from Jing, looks like he, like Jing, is remembering for a moment this kid who cared about dumb stuff like that, this kid who was Jing's best friend and who is now dead, who lived a life happy enough that such small things could MATTER to him, and then he swallows hard, and bows to Jing, and apologizes for his rudeness, and this is It I CAN'T I CAN'T WHAT IS THIS SHOW HOW HAS IT MADE ME CARE SO MUCH IN JUST NINE EPISODES HOW CAN IT POSSIBLY DRAG ME DOWn FARTHER IN LIKE FIFTY MORE HOW DID ANy OF YOU WHo HAVE WATCHED THE ENTIRE THING EMERGE BREATHING ON THE OTHER SIDE

(Somewhere there exists a happier timeline where Jing tells Mei Chang Su not to touch the bow because Lin Shu hated strangers touching his stuff and Su says okay and then makes his most trollish eye contact with Jing and deliberately starts touching the bow as much as he dang well pleases and that is how Jing finds out Lin Shu and Mei Chang Su is the same person the end)

Meanwhile, a decent distance away from all this misery and bro-angst, the indignant commander at the training grounds is demanding who Fei Liu is since he thinks he is good enough to insult Jing. I'm Fei Liu, the boy replies, as if that is all the answer necessary, and as it turns out--it is! Another of Jing's men recognizes the name as the fighter who arrived with the Lord of the East Yangtze Alliance. The one who defeated Xia Dong and held his own against Meng! Yep, that's me, Fei Liu affirms. Everyone looks very impressed. We also get a scene with Fei Liu taking out some challengers to show off his skills to Jing's men, best moment being where he grabs two men charging at him by the spers they are wielding and just smashes them onto the ground, aha. He's escalating the situation, basically. I wonder if Su was counting on that to happen.

Also meanwhile, at the palace, Yu and CP are arguing in front of the Emperor about who to make the new Minister of Revenue and oh this levity is SO NEEDED my soul is revived by CP's indignant squeak at Yu and the Emperor's fed up You have been arguing for more than an hour now LOL I swear at least half the Emperor's scenes so far have just been him watching his sons squabble. I would feel bad for the Emperor, except for what he did to Jingmum, so I don't. He deserves this. Also I guess he is also somewhat responsible for whatever ruined Lin Shu's life so he doubly-deserves this. He dismisses the princes, who walk out very quickly after glaring at each other sidelong. I would so not be surprised if the instant they are out of sight they start pulling each other's hair or pinching each other or whatever. They fight like preschoolers.

After they are gone, some random official starts telling the Emperor that the princes had the right to express their opinions like that as the question of who will take the position of Minister of Revenue is a very important and pressing one. The Emperor concedes that point but also angrily indicates the massive stack of names in front of him on his table: he has too many people to choose from! The official says someone named Shen Chui is acting as interim Minister of Revenue so he can hold down the fort for now, don't worry about it. The Emperor suddenly narrows his eyes, interested. Shen Chui? he repeats. Aaaaand--end of episode!

A weird ending, but I remember reading somewhere that these episodes aired two at a time, so with that in mind it makes more sense. I don't know why the Emperor is interested in this name, but I know I will find out next time. In the meantime I'm still reeling from all the Jing and MCS goodness in this episode. I missed Jingyan the last couple episodes but he came back with a vengeance for this one, and I am SO excited for wherever the show is taking him and his weird relationship with Su-who-is-secretly-Shu. Terrified, yes, but also EXCITED. Next episode is episode 10 and I am officially in the double digits! Nine episodes of emotional trauma down, sooooooo many more to go. BRING IT.

[sunshinechii-scenarios]

Day With Jeonghan

Here goes my first post on this blog! I can’t say this is my first try at writing for Tumblr, I have some things on my main blog but rest assure a Masterlist will come out for this blog once I have more content here! Enjoy reading and feel free to check out the other parts of this series, links at the bottom! BTW I try my best to keep my posts gender neutral, if anything seems out of place please tell me and I’ll fix it!

✿  Seventeen’s Jeonghan x Gender Neutral Reader ✿ Fluff  ✿  1.4K words ✿  Not Requested ✿ Written by Chii ✿

The day would start with Jeonghan most likely not arriving at your decided meet-up place on time.

You’d have to call at least four other members before one of them picked up.

“Jeonghan just woke up not long ago, rushed out of the house in 10 minutes.”

You thank Seokmin before sitting down at a bench and doing what you usually do, wait for Jeonghan.

In due time, you hear your name being called and you see Jeonghan running towards you.

He kept his face covered since the two of you were out in public and well,  he is an idol.

That didn’t stop you from staring at his face that seemed so princely every time you looked at him.

He wore a simple outfit but it looked outstanding on him, he had a face mask to cover half his face and a cap on.

It was bad, even with all the coverage he radiated an idol aura and it was no doubt he was good looking.

You saw people doing double takes and whispering.

“We should start going, people are noticing,” you said as you got up from the bench to walk over to the ticket booth.

“Ah, you’re right,” he paused and started to walk behind you, “you look good today.”

You took in his compliment and thanked the gods that you were facing the ticket machine to buy your tickets to XXX Station.

Jeonghan had won two tickets to a popular aquarium during one of the variety shows he recorded with the rest of the members.

That’s where you two decided to go on his first day off in forever.

You boarded the train and sat inside while Jeonghan sat in the outside seat.

The ride was maybe 20 minutes long, Jeonghan kept you two busy by showing the blackmail videos and photos he has of the members. A few videos and bad photos later, the loudspeaker called for the Aquarium stop.

The aquarium wasn’t far from the train station so you walked to the entrance. Jeonghan had pulled the tickets out of his wallet and gave them to the booth in the front. In return, two bracelets were given for you to wear, all-access to shows and events was written in white against the dark blue bracelet.

You took a map from one of the stands in the front and opened it up in between the two of you. Jeonghan looked at the show schedules in the top corner.

“There’s nothing interesting on show today.” Your eyes scanned the same place his did and you agreed.

“Want to see the fluorescent jellyfish area?” Jeonghan suggested, he pointed to an area on the map.

“Yea! I’ve seen them in a few news articles, they’re really pretty!” You said excitedly.

“Let’s get to it,” he said as he grabbed your hand and kept you close by, trying to avoid losing you in the crowd.

Jeonghan stopped at the almost deserted area except for a class on a field trip. You two kept close and stared at the dark tanks waiting for your eyes to adjust to the darkness, once they finally did the whole place lit up. The jellyfish contrasted greatly against the dark blue waters causing you to gasp at the sight.

You heard a camera shutter and looked over to Jeonghan who turned over his phone and showed you one of the worst possible off guard photo.

“Jeonghan!” You tried to grab for the phone that he held high, you leaned against his body in efforts to get him to lower the phone. His arms came around you.

“Smile for me, I’ll take another.” He let go of you and readied his phone. You leaned against the wall, next to the ceiling-to-floor glass that contained the jellyfish. You smiled and heard the camera again.

You were about to get off the wall when Jeonghan asked to take a few more, you sighed but complied. After what seemed like forever, Jeonghan let you go and continued to guide you along the dark area.

You decided to take some photos of Jeonghan to get back at him but it didn’t work out as planned. He looked good in every angle and you groaned.

“Lets go here there next!” You didn’t realize Jeonghan had opened the map back up to point at the Stingray and Pufferfish exhibit. You followed him with his hand gripping yours once more.

You passed by the kids on the school trip again with their hands in an interactive water tank, you made note to go by it later.

“Woah! Look at this one, it’s so small and bug-eyed.” Jeonghan kept close to the glass. The fish suddenly puffed up and Jeonghan jumped back.

“It heard you being mean so it got back at you.” You laughed.

“Not funny, I got scared!” He said back at you, you heard a voice telling the kids to round-up and gazed over at the tank that was now free of kids.

You pulled Jeonghan over and asked the employee at the tank if you two could participate in the activity.

“Of course, feel free! Everything here is friendly and they love people!” The employee said as she led you two to wash your hands at a nearby sink before touching the sea life.

The employee had a small octopus in a separate tank and asked if you’d like to try touching it. You agreed, she put it on your hand and it started making its way around your hand and forearm.

You squirmed at the feeling of it suctioning on your hand but Jeonghan had it worst, he refused to put his hand in the shallow tank.

The employee saw that the octopus wasn’t coming off of you attempted to pry it off without hurting it.

“It’s not fun, I look like I have hickies all over my hand now.” You said as the employee helped the small octopus off your hand. You lifted it up to show Jeonghan and you two laughed.

You wiped your hand off with a napkin that was set by the tank and thanked the employee.

You eventually stopped by and got food afterwards, Jeonghan had ordered for you two while you sat at the table. He continued to take photos of you while you were eating and threw a stray straw wrapper at him. The lunch was full of antics which made it go by quickly.

You offered to throw away the stuff and he allowed you, feeling a food coma sinking in. You came back to the seats to find Jeonghan not there. You looked around before an older couple who was sitting by you two pointed into the souvenir shop.

You thanked them and made your way to walk up to him.

He turned around with a plush keychain of a yellow pufferfish in hand.

“Isn’t it cute?” He held it up and smiled at you.

“Very,” you scanned the area he was in and he picked up a blue shark plush.

“Reminds me of Jihoon,” Jeonghan said abruptly, making you laugh.

The two of you continued to find plushies that reminded you of the members until you realized that he still had the yellow pufferfish in his hands.

“Are you gonna buy it? You don’t strike me as someone likes yellow or pufferfish.”

“It reminds me of you,” he turned to you as held it by your face, “uncanny.”

“In that case,” you picked up the white jellyfish that he said looked like him, “I’ll buy this.”

The two of you paid and began to leave the aquarium. Jeonghan made sure you both had everything before exiting and taking off the blue bracelets you received earlier.

“So,” Jeonghan started. His hand brushed against yours while the both of you walked to the train station. You looked at him, the sunset behind him made him look ethereal.

“Did you enjoy today?” He continued. You send him a smile and went to lace your fingers in between his.

“I enjoyed myself very much Jeonghan, thank you.” You two kept quiet on the way back to your house, he offered to walk you. When it came time to go your separate ways he pulled the yellow jellyfish out of the white bag. He kissed it on the lips and then placed it against yours.

You felt the heat in your face, he kept your flustered face in his memory before he walked off but not before waving goodbye.

And that’s all folks! I hope you enjoyed this part of my Day With SVT Series! The links to the rest are down below, you will be redirected to my main blog but I don’t post my content there anymore! Have a wonderful rest of your day!

Please don’t claim this as your own and please don’t do anything with it without my permission. If you don’t want it happening to you, don’t do it to others.

Feb.11.18 @1:32 AM