#It would actually be easier if she still sucked
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(serial killer au pt 2. Warning for serial killer things and dubcon)
Adam rolled over on the floor he'd found himself on, still drugged and tired from the last few days. He wasn't actually certain how long he'd been... wherever he was. He was just in pain, tired, and unable to think clearly anymore; in part, likely do to the IV coming out of his arm. The room itself was large, tiled floors with a few drains in the floor - to Adam, it reminded him of locker room showers, and he wondered if it was in some sort of broken down school. No one had come to help him that first night after he screamed and screamed, until his throat was bloody.
After the first night, Lucifer had decided on keeping him around, at least temporarily. But, Adam was a flight risk, according to him, and his size meant he could likely fight off Lucifer if he were to somehow get free.
So Lucifer had cut his Achilles tendons, after doping him up on something. He'd had a set of medical supplies, scrubs, and his ability to put in the IV made Adam wonder if he was in the medical field. Or, at least, he wondered it briefly, before screaming in agony as Lucifer sliced through flesh.
He tried to push up on an arm, still cuffed to a bolt coming out of the wall, except the connection found itself around his throat, a collar on him to keep him from fleeing. Not like he could go far in this state anyway, he could only crawl on his knees, ankles wrapped in bandages but only enough to keep them clean, not to keep him upright.
Adam was met with a shock of blood across the room, and a distorted mess of human remains that made his stomach begin to turn. The only thing that kept him from vomiting was the fact he could barely tell what was what, it looked fake enough that his eyes lied to his other senses that could smell the metallic tang of blood and cleaners.
A hand ran through his hair, and Adam jolted, some part of him hoping against hope he'd see someone there to save him, but it was only Lucifer. He was perfectly clean, somehow.
"You don't really know anything about me, do you?" Lucifer asked, fingers catching under Adam's chin, caressing his lip with his thumb. Adam almost bit it, wanting to take something from Lucifer, like Lucifer had taken from him. "You don't seem like the type that watches the news...or reads."
Adam's eyes moved back to the mess of red and white and flesh. His body began to shake, against his will.
"I've actually been killing for a long time now, across the country, but I've wanted to... test my craft, I wanted to tell a story, to put on a performance. I used to be well regarded, you know. But, I had a... fall from grace, people called it." Lucifer explained, using pressure to open Adam's mouth up, and he did so willingly. Fingers pushing into his mouth, rubbing against his tongue. "So, I wanted to tell that story. I wanted to punish them, to make them hurt too."
Lucifer paused, looking down at him with a half smile. "You're supposed to be sucking, Adam."
Adam panicked, trying to push up more so he would be able to suck on his fingers easier. He ran his tongue over and around them, bobbing his head, trying to copy any of the girls that had given him head, but it felt sloppy even to him, and it was weird to do on fingers.
"Good boy," Lucifer hummed, before continuing. "I take them apart, my models. I move them around, until I can make something new. My first creation was a fallen angel, and I hung her in a park, it was the holidays and there was a beautiful old wooden cross there. She looked amazing there, but no one understood I'd given her more purpose than she'd had. They didn't understand that she was art."
Adam realized he had heard mentions of this, some grim murders that had people paranoid, but he'd always been a big guy. He'd get into bar fights, he'd passed out drunk in the street before and nothing had ever happened to him. He was supposed to be safe.
"But, that's how I got the name Lucifer. The fallen angel. I am fond of it, truth be told."
Adam said nothing, trying not to cry as he licked the pads of his fingers, until they were pulled from his mouth, and saliva felt wet dripping down his chin. Lucifer just smiled at him, before reaching down to unzip his pants, pulling himself free in front of Adam. He was stupidly huge, and half hard.
"You don't have to, of course. I'm not a monster." Lucifer said in such a sweet voice that Adam nearly forgot the bloodied remains of a victim not but ten feet away,.
"I want to," Adam said, voice hoarse.
He wanted to live.
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I need a support group for people whos shitty dads/step dad's transitioned and became perfectly lovely lesbians who like, go to therapy, and try to be nice to you, because my god, I get that this bitch has grown and changed as a person but she's still the reason I get anxious whenever I accidentally shut the door too loudly!
#đđđ#It would actually be easier if she still sucked#do you know?#like when I was 8 you screamed at me to lick the cast iron pan if I âreally thought it was cleanâ#do not come into my fucking house and use words like âsomaticâ#also she basically abandoned my sibling and I when I was 10#and she can not apologize to me in a way that is meaningful for that#so like why even try
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n*loth not being able to bag anyone over the (human term) age of 25-30 at most is the only logical and real conclusion to me because it can be just explained away as him wanting to prove and control everything and anyone (Cus he's a man!) but being stuck in that demographic because his unbearable and vile personality is a force that nobody can look past once they've outgrown the possible fear and idolization period of anyone but also n*loth in particular.
#text#i think even younger ones that possess the same nasty traits can be slammed back 'In their place' (in his mind) by him just bc his -#- abilities and power alone (alt. name the factors that make him 'Cool') that dumbs them down insanely in comparison#maybe by this i mean like; ild*ri. despite the animosity she could still feel very foolish and is conscious of her wuss-ness#if that makes sense#cause no matter the disrespect anyone might have for an older capable person the reality is still reality#tbh i just think he doesn't like to sweat it much and still aims for the younger ones bc it's easier than it would be for someone that's -#- 30+ years old#and once he's proven his point he doesn't find any merit in sticking with older ones cause their interests or anything they offer -#- don't matter to or interest Him personally#i think an older demographic is just more boring to him and he would rather spend his time being metaphorically sucked off for his greats -#- by someone that already finds themselves 'lesser' than him and always will for a long time#than someone that is defiant of that fact#basically the more power imbalance the better#in his mind there will always be one unless he certainly knows someone is his equal (or better than him) but he likes the add-on of an -#- age difference too#keeps it in a safe zone with less problems for him#sorry for spitting again my brain just started machine-gunning thoughts for no reason#also i said before that he's an innocence fan. might not be a total puritan but there's something there#it's kinda like him not wanting to be with a dusty ''OLD'' person that's seen a lot anyway#i'm like barely able to hold myself back from opening my mouth to mention t*lvas where i'm making a point about n*loth's brain where he -#- isn't even needed to prove it#but like#him voicing dislike of n*loth general nauseating character and actions but still sucking up to him while n*loth can probably feel -#- that dislike anyway is cute to me i like to view it as an object being thrown into the wall over and over#where n*loth is proving his own worth to other people by drilling their brains out with proof. not that he needs to#but he would like that to be perfected a 100%#and t*lvas is capable of being molded into that state ....... probably#silusvesuisuis you didnot just confess to wanting to see t*lvas be slammed into a wall you fucked up demented beast you're sick#actually can't believe i forgot to mention this but he's literally so immature idk what he has anything in common with actual mature people
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I know how it sounds at first, but I really gotta feel bad for the boys that sacrificed edwin; I mean even the term âsacrificed edwinâ paints them in a more sinister light than they really deserveâ considering that wasnât really, actually their intention.
they were bullies, they were homophobic (and/or were self loathing gay boys themselves taking it out on edwin, or were equally likely peer pressured into acting a certain way), they planned something stupid and mean to do to an innocent, anxious boy with the goal of scaring the shit out of him, all because he was effeminate and an easy target. but they didnât know or expect any of the ritual stuff to be real. they were all laughing and joking during the ritual because it was just that to themâ a joke. a cruel joke, but a joke.
teenagers can be mean and stupid and they usually regret it as adults and grow out of it / grow from it. they were stifled the chance to grow out of it, at least while alive. none of those boys deserved to be instakilled and sent to hell; theyâre really not that much less deserving than edwin himself. they were all just kids, after all.
#random thought but. yeahâŠâŠ#I mean think about if crystal happened to be killed somehow pre-demonic intervention#she wouldâve been deemed deserving of hell by the standards weâve seen. no doubt about it. if the dragon guys were pulled to hell then yeah.#she would be as well. simply put- she was a bully#she was also a teenager. not a fully developed person. a very damaged and neglected teenager at that#itâs kinda like the criminal justice system right. itâs like. hey you really think sending them to be tormented is the most humane and#efficient way to heal these kids of what makes them act out and allow them to grow and improve?#Crystalâs such a good case to look at because sheâs. well. to compare to The Good Place which you can probably already tell Iâve watched 800#times and adore with all my heart. sheâs kinda the michael of the group#no one knows it at first but sheâs actually kind of a terror to people most of the time. but sheâs put in a situation where she#suddenly has a support system- people who care about her and want the best for her- sheâs given a purpose and realizes how much better it is#to use her powers to help rather than hurt (well. sometimes helping can involve hurting but you get it)#and by the time sheâs regained her memories and has a place in the agency itâs much easier to reflect on her life and be like huh!#this system kinda fucking sucks!#not that edwin wasnât an example unto himself but he was a âclerical errorâ not a ârightfullyâ condemned person#with his situation someone could argue that the problem isnât with the system being wack as a whole- it should just be maintained better so#these âerrorsâ donât happen and all the good kids go to their afterlives and the Bad Evil Kids go to hell.#yes yes I know theyâre not in hell forever (hopefully) but uhh Simon was still there for over a century and for fucking What?#gay self-loathing and catholic guilt? his intentions were clearly not Truly Evil and more than anything he seems to have been punished using#how much he hated himself for being gay and how guilty he felt for it all. like shit arenât those feelings enough of a punishment? if he had#lived through that ritual and edwin hadnâtâ do you think he wouldâve been Okay? I think it wouldâve crushed him. chronically#man. anyway#this was an especially long ramble huh#rambling#edwin#edwin payne#dead boy detectives
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ummm
been thinking about this awhile .... my son made of slop
#pleasee say nobodys thought about this before#i go insane over this idea on the daily. goop boy#hoping this all makes some kind of sense i havent slept At all#to be clear hes still just as insane as flowey. if not worse now he has hands#i think hed like hanging around alphys but only cause shes the only one who'd be too scared to tell evryone a dead kids telling her#about his murders#i dont think he'd ever grow fond of her. he'd just get bored of actually physically hurting her#^ i also think he would blame her a lot. this is a thought i have abt canon flowey/asriel too#i think he would Need somewhere to place the blame and saying its alphys fault for making him would be easier than other options#alphys defense lawyer here dont get it twisted#ok enough rambling#uhmmmm#asriel dreemurr#dont really want to tag this it Sucks. but#au tag will be made if i draw him again trust#^#amalgam asriel
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every day i struggle to make choices
#i should invest into some kind of education but cant make up my mind#mostly because options suck#i cant do trades unless my body sucks less which is sad because id love to be an electrician#cant even think about getting a pilots license cuz im not passing the med cert#i think id rather die than be a med assistant actually#working clinics at all makes me nervous tbh but probably where im headed in the short term#surgical tech would be cool but i cant do a Real program while working full-time#which is what limits most of my choices#i need to find more paid training programs i guess#if i had to pick a miserable but fulfilling job id go into education itself#but the teaching profession has always been in a downward spiral esp as of late#i dont want healthcare because i hate seeing dysfunctional glorified murder machines grinding around and around endlessly#acute care sucks id rather be in an icu for function but then im depressed because our patients are always dying#it was better as a phleb but this hospital doesnt have phleb and like i said im nervous about clinics#but i need to fucking commit to outpatient phlebotomy i think :/#the most fun ive had at a job ever#i wish i had more widely applicable skills but i cant be an emt/para even just for the training#because half of it is unpaid and the other half you pay for#and again#a job NOTORIOUS for being exhausting dangerous and traumatizing#if i was 17 again and wasnt escaping the tar pit of my mother id go for an english degree and i wouldnt even regret it#thinking about school in terms of a job i have to have forever vs for the sake of learning is so different#id like to know everything. i wanna read and write forever. and do research and have real technical skills that help people#im still riding off of the high of getting 5 ccs off of an oncology patient who desperately needed a port#they were able to run like seven tests off of it#i had to use a couple ped tubes#she only had to get poked Once and barely noticed it bc the doc team came in and im so happy i made her admission that muvh easier#labs are so miserable#checking back on the blood and seeing all of the results came through made me more pleased than anything else in the world
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HEARTBREAKING
Worst Dad You Know Has an Extremely Endearing (Now) Reoccurring Character Trait
For further context: this whole FB involved Sharena and Henriette seeking out lockpickers in the Order of Heroes to open this VERY SECURELY locked box from Gustav's room that took Tina's special staff to finally crack open (or rather -- "steal" the contents out of. No one could actually break the lock!)
And the first instance of this!
It makes me wonder if he saved anything related to Sharena..........
#fire emblem#feh#man. henriette's sad portrait w 'yes. he must have' carries so much bittersweet grief. augh#when it comes to sharena idk if i would be more angry if he did save something or if he didn't. i'm almost leaning towards the first though#like. idk if i can even word it but it fucking sucks when you have family that 'loves' you and they do actually genuinely love you#but they just. do it wrong. and fail you severely in the process. you think to yourself it would have been easier actually#if they had simply never loved you at all. or if they were upfront and told you they don't love you anymore.#at least then you can be as vindictive as you want and hold a grudge forever and be completely justified#but extremely begrudgingly this DOES make gustav a compelling character. in so many ways#you can see where it all went wrong. you can see henriette sees something in him that no one else can. and she's not crazy for it#she was probably there. she probably saw it all happen. she knows him w a level of intimacy no one else does.#and now you see these little humanizing traits. he loved his son. he loved his partner and wife.#juries still out on his daughter.#but you get what i'm saying right? it's terribly tragic. it's painful.#man.#i'm still gustav's number one hater though. just so we're clear.#AUGH IT'S JUST. THE PLAYFULNESS OF IT. IS ACTUALLY SO PAINFUL. LOOKING AT EVERYTHING WE KNOW#they had a rock competition........ to find the roundest rock.......... and she won....... and he saved the rock she found......#THAT'S. AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#you cannot fucking IMAGINE gustav doing that. and yet. in another time. he did. and that's who henriette fell in love with#and that's who herniette still sees. and she's not fucking wrong for it. not entirely. he still has that fucking rock.#dude i'm gonna be sick.#fe gustav#fe henriette#sharena#fe tina#fe alfonse#he's. mentioned. might as well tag him LMFAO
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ITS BEEN A FUCKING WEEK. PASS THE DETRITUS
#howling#had a lvl 1 trauma at abt 720#which sucks but we were managing fine#call er back at 750 as protocol to ask if theyve transfused and if theyll need more and to make sure they have a t&s ordered#secretary confirms that both units were transfused + they wont be needing more (lol) + a type and screen WAS drawn just not ordered yet#ok cool. all i have to do is wait for the specimen so i can crossmatch the units#im chilling in bloodbank doing bloodbank things#meanwhile. er calls the front desk (blood bank has a separate phone line. they specifically called the lab line instead)#lab assistant takes the call (like normal). theyre not sure what er said exactly but theyre planning to transfer the patient somewhere#and mentioned 'something like mpp???'#midnight tech was upfront and overheard. immediately asked if they meant MTP#lab assistant wasnt sure but said she had asked if er wanted to talk to blood bank (aka me) and they said no#both the assistant and the tech assumed that they DIDNT actually mean mtp because that would be fucking bonkers#if they casually mention it to a lab assistant and NOT FUCKING BLOOD BANK#and i didnt hear about this phone call until like maybe an hour or two later btw#anyways. yeah no they called an MTP#thats always fucking awful but they DID bring down the t&s partway thru#patient had no history and the only other specimens on file were drawn at the same time#so i order a confirmatory type to make things easier later on. it needs to be drawn by either the nursing team or by a lab assistant#screen is negative so at least we only need to do an immediate spin crossmatch on everything#we get all the units emergency issued + the platelets are ordered and issued normally after the t&s is done since it doesnt need a xmatch#er cancels the mtp. theyve transfused 6 out of the 8 units we sent them. two remaining units being sent to or#or is told directly that the mtp was canceled and that theyd need to call a new one if things escalate again#ok. things are calming down. its fine. i got all the xmatches done and theyre all compatible which is great#we get in a delivery from arc of platelets bringing us back up to 6 on the shelf (we need 5 on hand tomorrow morning for an open heart)#(at this point i find out about the phone call i mentioned earlier)#i get a call from or. my heart sinks immediately#or nurse says they need 2 rbcs and 2 platelets and theyre sending someone down RIGHT NOW to pick it up#we still hadnt gotten that confirmatory btw#im too stunned to say anything else so i just go ok. and hang up
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ohhh i j remember i pulled arcane ophelia when she dropped and just never fuckin used her⊠i ALMOST gave her tome to odin to fix him up, butâŠ. hehewgahehe laurentttttt i have some shiny new toy for youuuuu come home baby girl come HOME!
#ann cries about feh#arcane devourer for inigo and arcane whatever for laurent my boys are SO IN IT#hopefully severas prf is good but. its severa. of course its good.#you know im kind of winning with most of the awakening kids#iâd say most of them are actually really fucking solid units with their refines#my owains kind of bad but thats probably my fault⊠i put all my investment into odin instead cuz he was easier to merge#but like kjelle yarne cynthia nah lucina m!morgan all got solid refines#kjelle especially shes one of my crutches for her#geromes was kind of mid but he makes up for it by being a walking ball of attack and def stats#and if i get lucina (WHICH I WILL. SHES COMING HOME. IM NOT MISSING ANOTHER LUCI) he can take her axe#also yeah im still missing legendary lucina and spring lucina#i have the worst legendary banner luck⊠i always get something but never what im looking for#and spring lucina⊠WHY IS SHE COLOR SHARING WITH FUCKING XANDER#SPRING FUCKING XANDER GET AWAY FROM MEEE#ugh. anyways. what was i talking about#oh my noire sucks. i pulled a -atk one and didnt build her cuz i was convinced sheâd be on the eventual second gen banner#sheâll almost definitely be on the next awakening banner now but who knows when thatll be#time to give in and build her but i REALLY hate her summer alt⊠i really do#and its like. the art isnt BAD. it looks good. and it looks like noire. but its like. she looks so scared and uncomfortable#like not my girl why would u do this to my girlâŠ.#ANYWAYS THO LAURENT IS WHO I WAS TALKING ABOUT YES NEW TOME FOR HIM WOOO
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got the badges for gone fission evp 400 + evp 600 yesterday! .52 gal, l-3 nozzlenose, dread wringer, and squiffer make for quite the synergistic team!
my peak was EVP 810 (appx 300-310% HL). my high score of 151 eggs was obtained somewhere in evp 300...? i'm pretty satisfied with how it went, even if i didn't get HLM or 9s.
some thoughts/reflections on good freelancing teams/traits to develop when trying to rank up in evp under the cut:
i think grinding this rotation was pretty fun- all of the weapons have excellent mobility and i think they cover for each other really well! the l-3 was not my favorite weapon going into it but i think i really enjoyed the accuracy and mobility of it, so it's a bit more favorable for me now :)
i ended up reaching a skill wall in EVP 760-780 where i could not get past wave 2 or 3 (usually for quota related reasons, the quota is BRUTAL! we'd miss it by like 4-5 ish... ofc this partially relates to how well bosses are handled).
the grind for evp was a mix of freelance and grouping up (freelance for 230 -> 440s, grouping up for 440 - 750~, and then testing myself in freelance for that last bit).
i enjoyed the bits of freelance i did, and from my playtime i think these were some of the key traits/practices that indicate "good salmon run skills" to me:
players that know their weapons role(s) and target the appropriate salmonid (but also being willing to break that when priority targets haven't been taken care of)
knowing when a teammate needs help (with a boss or being revived) or when the teammate has a situation under control (e.g. someone's already on the fishstick, you can do something else)
proactive use of specials when problem targets appear, preferably with no overlap (e.g. tri-strike and inkjet activated on the same flyfishes is not the best)
using specials like booyah bomb, triple splashdown, and reefslider to clear basket area in the last 30 seconds to help eggs get in (especially important past evp 600)
teams that paint the walls first thing (especially whoever had the dread wringer). all interior walls for fission can be painted within the first 10 seconds imo
forwarding eggs closer to the basket after splatting static bosses (throwing one egg, and then swimming up with one)
players with good judgment; knowing when to lure (mostly for initial boss spawns), and knowing when to leave the big shot cannon
being able to figure out which directions snatchers come from and what eggs they can help you collect
i think these practices all stem from having good awareness and being able to collect information about the shift. it helps with making snappy quick-fire decisions, and it just gets more important the higher up in EVP you go. camera positioning/control is essential for this (you can't figure out where bosses/teammates are if your back is turned to them).
for me, every 7-10 seconds, i like to rotate my camera around to the opposite side of where i'm currently looking to make sure there isn't any bosses i'm missing. i'm hardly in one place longer than 5-10 seconds and i try to always be on the move. the spawn direction where salmonids come from are always changing, so it's essential to rotate around the map proactively rather than reactively. i think this also helps a lot with shotcalling in groups too (since you can be someone else's pair of eyes).
other than boss spawns/teammate locations (for revives), i think it's also important to notice when certain bosses haven't been taken care of for prolonged periods of time too, so that a special can be popped. to me it's usually a sign that someone whose ill equipped to deal with that boss has been forced to deal with them because the people with the "right" weapon are focused on something else... (no fault to them, of course, everyone has different priorities and you can't always communicate clearly in freelance)
in situations where squiffers were chased by a pack of scrappers, perhaps a booyah bomb or splashdown can be popped to help if you don't have the time to stun and splat them manually. maybe the fish sticks were left unattended by the shooters, so a triple inkstrike or a crab/inkjet shot can help clear them out.
awareness also extends to meeting quota, which imo involves paying attention to the timer + where eggs are located. i find that it's nice to check in with the timer/quota at 50s and 30s respectively so that you can start forwarding eggs closer to basket. and when everyone's going crazy about quota not being met i try to make sure i'm not overstepping anyone else's egg pile so that no one goes "wait no thats the egg that i wanted to pick up fuck i have to go back and get a different one."
i think this is why sometimes playing in groups is easier. if you have more sets of eyes that you can communicate with, it alleviates the need to have awareness of "everything" (provided that you can comms effectively). someone can be attuned to different things (e.g. my friend always tells us where snatchers come from and if they're good, i'm personally attuned to where people need to be revived, etc.). you also know what specials you have access to, unlike in freelance where you're not sure what others have until they use them.
the other part of completing shifts successfully (to me) is being mechanically sound with your movement, mostly in regards to how you use the terrain (walls) to get around the map and escape situations. the more you play a map the more you'll figure out how you can move around on it.
some examples, using the location callouts from salmonrun.ink: there were a few times i'd go on the harbor but i could escape any salmonids in the bridge area by climbing the walls there and squidrolling out as needed. sometimes on high tide i would swim from the perch to the left plat.
sub-strafing is also good to know too, especially when you want to rapidly collect the basket eggs at the end. i still need to integrate it into other parts of my gameplay, but it's helpful!
uh. this was way longer than intended because i have WAY too many thoughts about salmon run. TL;DR: The key to succeeding your shifts is having good awareness which comes from good information collecting practices, and having the mechanical skill to act on that awareness without hesitation.
there's definitely a lot that goes on in sensory overload the gameâą, so it will take time to build these muscles and reaction times. i think while at every rank of salmon run you may face a wall of "i'm overwhelmed by the bosses," the exact fix needed to get past it usually varies, so it's important to figure out what information you were missing or what actions you could've taken (more efficient movement or special usage, usually).
or if you're struggling with quota, try to practice forwarding eggs or take a look where snatchers come from (even if people splat them, it's still a good practice 2 develop for later evp. source: i don't fucking do it and it's biting me in the ass)
and most importantly, recognize when you're in the midst of a loss streak/skill wall, so that you can take a break and focus on other things that energize you! even if there's a certain goal you want to meet, grinding for higher levels of EVP and getting better at the game can be a very exhausting process. you can always come back to the grind later, whether if it's after a 30 minute break, or just a different rotation!
#splatoon 3#lizz.jpg#lizz.txt#i did like 93 jobs of this rotation if anyone is curious. average waves cleared 2.2. point card was 31315p#im so normal about salmon run this is my favorite mode in the game that even though i have 2x the hours of my friend she's higher leveled-#in the pvp multiplayer than i am (but also she uses exp tickets and i dont because im a money enjoyer)#honestly i do wonder what i could've done differently with evp 740ish bc i could NOT stick around with a group WHICH IS SO FAIR#though it is a little disorienting to go between 300 to 320 HL with every new group of people HAHA#i do think it's the snatchers i gotta pay more attention to but damn idk when they spawn lol#and maybe my specials could get more value for them. i never go a shift without using them but idk#i think there's also been a lot of dying in general. like 3-5 deaths for everyone so it's def a movement/not keeping up with boss issue#in some form...? so maybe if i get to the point where my specials are back to proactive use and not 'for surviving this first wave'#i'll be golden and good to go for 9s... still very valuable learning experience though!#it would have definitely been easier to get to 9s if i reached certain evp ranks earlier to play with more experienced people but#where is the learning in that? LOL. i just feel like you're really forced 2 confront what you suck at when all the 'good people' are-#already at 9s or some higher VP y'know. and then when you get booted down to a lower VP for the next roto. it feels so much easier#and its like wait! maybe i'm okay at this game actually#anyway i don't think i'll be playing salmon for extended period of time for the next week otherwise im gonna be tetris effect'd LOL
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Every time I read classic books I feel this pressure to enjoy them, and I just...never do? I can appreciate why they're important or influential for their time, and I appreciate that they exist, but...I just don't enjoy the style? Like they tend to be very repetitive and they have a lot of scenes that frankly...don't do anything to move the story forwards. The kinds of things that today would get the story tossed aside by publishers. And obviously I'm not saying it is bad writing, because again--different time period. Different style. But I wish I could be completely comfortable saying I just don't enjoy those books. For me personally, reading them is often more effort than what I get out of them. And sometimes I will read them anyways because I want to understand references people make to them in other books or media, but at the end of the day they don't bring me joy like modern books or fanfiction do and I think that's okay.
#kayla rambles#i actually do think if i was reading them in a school setting i would enjoy it more#like. i like learning about what a book says about the people of the time period it was written in#but at the same time i hated being forced to analyze things for a grade#i liked learning the opinions other people had on it but i always had this idea in my head that i sucked at analysis--i still have that tbh#i shy away from trying to analyze things i DO enjoy because i just have this idea other people will do it better than me#and sometimes i just don't want to analyze things! which is also okay! but kasjdbsbjf i still feel like it's a shortcoming sometimes idk#and it's annoying i still can't get over this#like i know it basically stems from the fact it was easier for me to get an A in STEM classes while putting in minimal effort#and english--even though i did mostly get As--always felt like a struggle. it always felt like i was missing something crucial#but ironically when i took literature in grade 12--it was an elective class at my school--it was one of my fave classes ever#probably because my teacher was an atheist lesbian and i fucking adored her#she told us on like day 1 she was trying to read the bible so she could understand symbolism in other works better đ#and she was frankly just a badass lmao#but she also taught it from the lens of what literature said about the people of the time#she brought history and linguistics into everything and she made it feel real#god if she could have taught me english class throughout high school maybe i wouldn't have cared as much about the grade
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If I ever do get properly into dst character modding I like have to make an oni character mod at some point, but the issue is Id want it to be an Olivia mod so bad but also Nails is as far as I'm aware the only legal character name wise and as such it feels like it has to be them, y'know for the bit. But also I have already written too much Olivia dst dialogue and I need an excuse to use it damnit
#rat rambles#oni posting#starve posting#also good ol dr winslow would be dead in seconds I think#not that most of the cast would fare much better but I believe in olivia to last longer#more importantly though it would simply be easier to justify olivia kit wise as while nails was involved in printing pod stuff they didnt#yknow. invent the damn thing.#idk we technically dont have olivia initials yet she Could have a w middle name if we believe hard enough#we have a jackie middle initial tho so shes off the table doubly because she also would have like 50 in each stat lol#also again olivia constant dialogue is just so much more fun to write#especially when it comes to mob examination quotes#also several jokes and bits that I could technically do with nails too but olivia is easier to craft a consistent voice for#as much as we get a surprisingly large amount of characterization for nails they still only have one log of dialogue at the end of the day#like I have hcs and stuff but they are fragile as hell#klei could come out swinging and recontectualize everything theyve ever said at any time if they wanted to it wouldnt be hard#again its one log with little context to most of the things they say#so while we have a glimpse of their character we don't rly see them in enough contexts to rly get a solid general characterisation I think#not that I want more per say my point is simply that any hcs I do have could easily be disproven by not a lot of new information#like itd be very easy for them all to crumble into dust the second klei adds more logs#technically many of my olivia hcs are equally fragile but those are mostly the ones that dont matter much in this context#like idk they could be like fun fact olivia actually loves kids and gets along great with them but I doubt thatll happen#oh that reminds me scariest thing abt oni actually is the idea that some of our lil scientist guys could have kids#like the email abt there not being a bring your kids to work day doesnt inherently mean any of the characters we know have kids but it#makes me remember the possibility and that scares me#like I dont wanna think abt devon potentially having a kid I dont wanna imagine them putting pictures of their baby with toast online#I mean I do but its still like wtf why do you have a life that existed thats scary and it also makes me sad but its also funny so its good#I still stand by my frankie and mason divorce hc frankie got custody of the baby devon got custody of the food blog#its a good think jackie and olivia dont have a kid thatd suck for the kid so bad#like imagine your moms being the worlds saddest wettest cats of women and just having to grow up with that#and theyd be terrible parents for sure jackie would be an absent father and olivia would become an alcoholic
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god that was an awful shift i hate how corporate let us hire more people and then as soon as we put them on the schedule they decided having one more minimum wage server per day (for first shift only!!!) was too much for The Budget. i had to bargain to get someone else to come in today and help me out and it was STILL hell.. rant incoming in the tags
#we're back to 2 ppl on first shift but the new guy cant actually handle floor or dishes on his own so it's basically 1 person#plus someone following behind them to help a bit#apparently they used to have disabled workers as 'interns' just gettimg unpaid experience which is awful but at least#it meant they could actually schedule 2 other people. but i guess they got shit for not paying disabled workers#which i get. but since this new guy makes minimum wage too it means they wont let us schedule another person for first shift#which we desperately need when it's just like. me and him. in an ideal world he would be paid and getting work experience and there would#still be enough people to do the job fully#also all morning i was so scared the safety inspector would pop in bc i was told he would be. so i double checked all the possible hazards#before we opened and he literally stepped into the dining room. took a picture of it on a digital camera. then left#he didnt even come in the kitchen!! christ#but i was still stressed after that and all through lunch bc now residents' families can come in and eat like they used to before covid#and we had 2 of them today and if we fuck it up for them they can complain to corporate and im not used to running a real restaurant!!#we have to act like it's a real restaurant even tho we arent given the same resources or allowances and it's so frustrating#tbh today wouldve been 10 times easier with any other cook bc we had the fucking worst one here today. she gets frustrated when anyone asks#her for anything and she goes on rants about how bad all the other cooks are and she puts WAY too much strain on the dishwasher#using unnecessary dishes and making them wash things she could just rinse herself in the back. AND she's always telling me how to do by job#my job#and what i should do differently! it's distracting!! and makes everything harder bc she will fr just make up rules and treat u like shit if#u ignore her and do it the easier or better way#her home life sucks and she takes it out on all of us all the time. get a divorce and move to the city like you really want#it'll make everyone so much happier#(including you)#i need a new job so bad i get paid nothing to do like 4 jobs at once and im always on a time crunch and it's been absolutely killing my bac#and shoulders and feet#and joie de vivre lmao#if i get a new reliable car soon i could probably make more driving for fucking grubhub#i didnt even eat at work today. almost 8 hours straight of running my ass around the kitchen in my Shoes For Crews black sneakers#and i ate literally One piece of french toast at the very beginning#plus i came in already sick of everything bc the stupid parking garage app i have to use now malfunctioned and wouldnt let me out#bc it didnt have my entrance to the garage last night logged for some reason
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He could overlook a lot of things, but this was getting ridiculous. Youâd think seasoned vigilantes would have better excuses prepared, but Danny had caught that flash of panic that crossed Timâs face as Danny came face to face with Tim dragging an unconscious Steph to her designated room in the manor.
âUh.â
âDanny! Uh, Stephanie brained herself- uh, sliding down the bannisters and- pleasedonâttellBruce.â
Danny blinks, staring at Tim and then very pointedly, very slowly, turned his head back towards the direction he came from: the main hall⊠where the bannisters were. He wonders what vigilante hijinks they were trying to hide from B this time.
Tim coughs, trying to inch Stephanie away. âUh. She was doing⊠cartwheels?â
Danny let his eyes slowly take in the bruises that were clearly not from âcartwheeling in the mansionâ on the both of them. Thereâs a huge bandaged cut on Stephâs forearm and a giant bruise on the edge of Timâs jaw. Timâs face twitches nervously, not that anyone else would have noticed- except Danny has enhanced ghost senses and could feel the panic coming off of his adopted brother.
âYou knowâŠâ Shit, what does he do? Not knowing would be so much easier if these idiots gave him good excuses! âI donât think I want to know what you two have been up to⊠but should I be worried for your, uh, physical health?â
âNope!â
â⊠Okay.â He says. Tim opens his mouth to make further excuses but Danny adds quickly, âBut donât tell me, because if Bruce asks, I want plausible deniability.â
Cartwheels, Dannyâs ghostly ass. Luckily, this show of doubt reaffirms Timâs belief that Danny believes them all of the other times. Danny grins inwardly, planning capitalizing on the guilt that flashed over Timâs face.
âDeal.â
âWant help?â The halfa points at Steph, whoâs still being dragged over the carpet by a noodle armed Tim. Danny knows Timâs strong, heâs a vigilante, but itâs funny watching him pretend to struggle.
âPlease. Iâm so tired right now.â He looks it too. Dannyâs brows furrow with genuine concern when he takes in Timâs drowned raccoon look. He picks up Steph, firmly removing her from Timâs suddenly weak grip. Being careful to avoid her injuries, Danny nods at the door to her room. Tim cracks it open and does a little showy gesture towards the inside.
âCâmon, weâll tuck her in and then Iâll tuck you in.â
âWhat, you donât have to do that.â
âIf you donât let me tuck you in and make sure you sleep, Iâll tell Alfred who really accidentally poured boiling hot coffee on his azaleas last week. And Iâll sic Dick on you and tell him you havenât been sleeping enough.â
âYou drive a hard bargain,â Tim grumbles. âBut fine. Itâs really not my fault Iâm this tired. A missing spleen is hard to handle, you know.â
âYeah, missing an organ sucks,â Danny says, shit eating grin hidden long enough to catch the contemplative bloodhound look that passes over Timâs face.
âWhich- uh, which one of your organs is missing?â
âLiver.â Danny says, remembering the flashes of pain. He tilts his head away to hide the grin at Timâs panicked face.
When he tucks Tim in, he pretends to believe Timâs sleeping act and left his room while mumbling about the Wayneâs clumsiness and bruises and stocking up on bruise cream. He couldnât even enjoy Timâs floundering, this time, worried as he is.
ââ
âBrother.â Danny half turns his head, just to beam a sunny smile at Cass. He signs an exuberant hello. The halfa hangs up his coat as he addresses his adopted sister.
âCass! Whatâs up?â
âDinner.â She smiles back, signing that Alfred wanted them to the dinning room post haste. The main dining room, because rich people were fruit loops and Batman is totally included. Cassandra looks down and gasps.
What�
Oh. Fuck. Danny glances down. He genuinely forgot about that.
âHuh.â
âOkay?â Suddenly, Cass is right next to him, hand reached out and hovering over the actual knife Danny forgot was sticking out of him. At least itâs where his liver should be, so he wonât have to pretend.
âOh. Yeah, Iâm good. Donât have a liver.â Danny decides on the spot that heâs not gonna mess with Cass. She smiled the same as him. âGot mugged on the way back but I think they said I could keep the knife, right?â
âDanny.â Sheâs frowning at him. He feels like he just kicked tiny Cujo. But he doesnât feel bad enough to blurt everything out.
âHere. You can have it if you want?â Danny casually pulls out the knife and holds the wound together with his bare hands. Cass looks more alarmed. She bodily picks up Danny and starts running.
âWoah!â
Cass throws him at Alfred, gently.
âMiss Cassandra! Why, I never-!â Alfred pauses in surprise.
âUh. Wow, Cass. Youâre really strong.â Danny pipes up, hand still over his gushing wound.
She ignores him, pointing at Danny and telling Alfred, âHurt. Got mugged. Dumb.â
âHey! Itâs not my fault Gothamites are ready to jump people at any moment. Besides, itâs daytime. Itâs not like the vigilante furries are out to save my butt. I think I did really well coming back safe, you know?â
âHurt. Forgot the knife. Was in him.â
âMaster Danny!â
Danny pouts. He also knows thereâs a discreet camera in the corners of the sitting room, so heâs definitely hoping he could phase into the cave when Barbara eventually tells the group that he called them âvigilante furries.â
Alfred clucks his tongue and set to work patching him up. Danny tries not to bask in the careful way Alfred tended to his wounds. It reminds him too much of Jazz, if Jazz was British and a man with greying hair.
But because they were watching him and he was watching them in return, Danny noticed the moment Alfredâs hands stalled and Cassâ gaze got intense. What nowâŠ?
Oh, fuck, his vivisection scar. Oops. Danny smiled, channeling Dani (his lovely clone sister) at her most innocent.
Cass smiled back, just as sunnily, fists tightening at her side in repressed fury.
ââ
âCass? Whyâd you call us?â
âYeah, baby bat. I got a couple oâ smugglers to talk to.â
Cass paces.
âWhat is it, Cassandra?â Damian tuts impatiently.
âDanny. Has⊠scars. Autopsy. But was struggling. When cut.â
âWhat.â
âA vivisection, Master Jason.â Alfredâs voice was crisp and eerily cold. His hands are folded, rage only held back by his sheer will and a well practiced sense of propriety.
âWe find. Who hurt him,â Cass snarls. âWe. End.â
Jasonâs eyes glint green, hands going to his guns. âFine. By. Me.â
âIt does tie in with the dead comment. I wonder what happened to him.â Tim clacks away at the bat computer, furiously looking into the matter already. Bruce has taken to prowling, stressed out at the prospect of one more of his children- not a vigilante at that- getting hurt the way Jason had. Worse, even. A vivisection. He was alive, dissected. Aware enough to struggle. Dick looked like he was torn about hunting down and lunging at whoever hurt Danny to rip their throats out with his bare teeth versus the urge to go back up to the manor and wrap Danny in bubble wrap.
In the corner, Danny was having a quiet breakdown because he came here to watch them react to vigilante furries, not offering to murder the people who vivisected him. What the fuck?? He ran his hands through his hair, invisible.
ââ
âOh, by the way, we should consider more daytime shifts.â
âWhy?â Spoiler asks Barbara.
âDanny got mugged. And called us the nightly furries.â
âThe fuckinâ what-?â Jason chokes out, laughing. Bruce stops his pacing, body language becoming slightly offended.
Danny muffles a laugh only Alfred would have heard.
#danny phantom#Danny âplausible deniabilityâ Phantom#Jason Todd#red hood#batman#tim drake#dick grayson#cassandra cain#black bat#Tim usually would be a better liar#but usually he lies to Batman#not Danny#Cassandra Cain and these idiots that she unfortunately loves#Danny: you stabbed me so Iâm keeping the knife#Danny plays finders keepers with Gotham muggers#he wins#cartwheeling in Wayne manor#dc x dp#dp x dc#bamf danny phantom
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Here's an arc I thought about doing but won't do because, it'd be a bit too sad and also it's too similar to the Turing Point Arc I already did and also it would be long. But I'll write it here for you angst enjoyers. This ended up being longer than I thought.
Despite getting the "okay" from Ash to date Jessie, Delia still worries that she's not doing the right thing or being a bad mom. Up until now she'd convinced herself that she had the right to be selfish for once after knowing only sacrifice and putting herself last.
Jessie and Ash, while not as antagonistic towards each other, still go at it. A Pikachu zap here, an angry "twerp" being uttered there. The guilt settles in for Delia and figures that it's best to just cut things off before things potentially get worse or before she gets too attached to Jessie. Her son comes first after all. That's what she signed up for when becoming a parent.
She sits Jessie down, eyes watery (it's the first time Jessie's ever seen Delia come close to crying). Delia says she thinks they should end things. Jessie is stunned but accepts it quickly. She sucks it up in the moment, puts a resigned smile on her face and tells Delia she'll leave immediately and not to worry about her. Delia's also broken up about it but promised herself she'd never cry over a goodbye and she wasn't gonna start now.
Jessie goes to James and Meowth's place greeted similarly to this, lightly teasing her about blowing it with Delia, and she breaks down sobbing. Oops it's real this time. James and Meowth do everything in their power to make her feel better. They let her know that things like this happen and they're ready to go wherever she wants to go (knowing that it'd likely be to painful for her to stay in Pallet). As much as she wants to leave, she doesn't want James and Meowth to lose the good thing they have going. She's not in the right headspace to make any decisions so she'll get to it later.
Ash returns home after doing a little training at Oak's lab. He notices Jessie's not around and asks his mom where she is. Delia is about to tell him but can't quite bring herself to say the truth out loud yet. She simply says "I don't know". Ash looks disappointed. "Aw man, I wanted to see if she wanted to battle. She makes a good battle buddy for all of my newer, baby Pokémon." Delia perks up that this. As quickly as he came, he leaves again to go train his Pokémon.
Later, Delia approaches Ash, asking him if he really meant that what he said about Jessie being a good battle partner. He gives her an enthusiastic "yeah!" and tells her that it's been nice having another battle ready trainer around since there's not many in Pallet. Delia starts to pry a little more. "I thought you and Jessie didn't get along?" Ash is confused, and tells Delia they get along great! "Jessie doesn't steal anymore! And she's getting better at battling which is cool." Delia brings up that she's head them argue before. "Oh... well I guess that's just how we are. I'd be weirded out if she was suddenly too nice to me all the time. Jessie's actually a lot like Misty. But taller!" This gives Delia a lot to think about but what's done is done and it's no use pressing on. It's easier this way.
The next morning Delia's getting ready for work. She must not have noticed that she was acting weird but Ash picks up on it. "What's wrong mom?" Delia's shocked he noticed (he's not usually this perceptive). She tells him it's nothing and that she just slept bad. "Hm. But Jessie says that when you're upset you get really quiet and intense." Delia notices that she was pretty intensely mixing the pancake batter. "Jessie told you that?" Ash nods. "Hey speaking of, where is Jessie? Haven't seen her since yesterday." Delia stops mixing and tells Ash that she and Jessie aren't together anymore. Ash is confused and upset at the idea of Jessie doing something that would hurt his mom enough for them to break up. Delia lets him know that Jessie didn't do anything like that and that them breaking up was just for the best. But Ash questions this, pointing out that he's never seen Delia as happy as she was when Jessie was there and also how Delia looks really sad now. Delia can't argue with that but then tells him that it's complicated. Ash, to Delia's surprise, looks a bit disappointed. He's bummed he wasn't able to say goodbye first and asks if she thinks Jessie would still be willing to come by and train with him sometimes. Delia asks him once more if he was really okay with her and Jessie dating. "Yeah I thought I said that already? Jessie's pretty cool when she's not being evil. And she really likes Pokémon which is a plus!" Such simple criteria. Delia's now worried that she might've made a mistake. She finishes making breakfast and heads to work.
At the restaurant she's met by James. She can feel an awkwardness hanging in the air. She knows that James knows. Before she can say anything James tells Delia thank you for employing him and helping him, Meowth and Jessie get back on their feet but that he's going to quit working at the restaurant and that they'll likely be leaving Pallet soon. Delia's heart sinks. There's now a ticking clock and she has to decide what she wants to do SOON. She asks James where Jessie is. James hesitantly tells her that she's at his and Meowth's place. Delia pleads with James to work the restaurant for one more day at least and to cover this shift. She has to go talk to Jessie. He agrees, hoping that this is a good thing.
Delia runs to James and Meowth's place. She knocks on the door upon arrival and waits. It takes a moment but she hears the door unlock. Jessie opens the door, disheveled, tears and snot all over her face, draped in a blanket. Jessie notices it's Delia and, frightened, slams the door. Delia's stunned for a moment and goes to knock on the door again but before she can the door opens. This time Jessie's tears are gone, her hair's fixed and she ditched the blanket. "Oh hey, Delia! What brings you here?" Delia can't help but be charmed. But this is serious. She shakes it off and asks if they could talk. Jessie invites her in. They get to the couch and Jessie starts frantically cleaning up all the crumpled tissues and dirty dishes off the ground. "Heh I caught a cold yesterday. A one day cold. I'm fine now." Delia doesn't call out the obvious lie and gets straight to the point.
She tells Jessie that she's worried she made a mistake. She made a panicked decision that she was hoping would protect Ash and her future self. But now realizes that she was afraid of the idea that she'd made a selfish decision by dating her. It was a selfish decision but that didn't mean it was a bad one. She was the happiest she'd been, Jessie and Ash were learning to get along and were getting along much better than she'd though. She acknowledges that Jessie has been there for Ash in a way that she can't quite be and is also grateful to her for managing to keep Ash home a little longer. She asks if Jessie would be willing to take her back (despite the distress she caused). Jessie starts sobbing with happy tears. She tearfully says she'll try even harder to get along with Ash and be a better person. Delia reassures her that she's doing just fine.
They kiss passionately but then realize it's weird that they're making out in James in Meowth's place and say they'll continue later. Delia tells Jessie to head back home and that Ash is looking forward to battling with her (and she also needs to let James and Meowth not to quit their jobs).
The end~
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I feel like im going insane here like im looking at average costs for dental procedures. Using out of pocket prices and doing the math based on what percentage my insurance covers of that procedure using that higher average cost and including if i had to meet my deductible every single time i got anything im still getting dramatically lower prices like i have no idea where tf the prices on my treatment plan are coming from
#also like i feel like i understand the insurance but like i called a dentist earlier and she made me feel like im not?#like i know how much they cover what deductible i need to meet#and my insurance provides lists of codes what percentage they cover it at and stipulations of it#and it covers everything aside from orthodontic work at 80-85%#and she was like well it says they only do half i have the same insurance and it only covers half#i have never in my life heard of an insurance that covers 80% of anything beside a cleaning#and its like???? im looking at the policy now it says its covered at 80% with no pre approval#and the limit is once per tooth per every 5 years#and using the cost estimator that shows typical estimated fees the network savings what they pay and what i would end up paying#its still like 200 rounded up for something theyre saying is nearly 400 with my insurance#like hello??#am i actually stupid or is this dentist just expensive as fuck?#or bigger question are they pulling my inaurance up right? cause i went to them and it took 5 fucking attempts to get my insurance in there#i gave them every single piece of info they needed and was told great perfect!#and a day later someone would call and say i have literally nothing for you insurance wise#and the second one i talked too was like nope ur not on nope ur not covered here nope i cant find you nope i cant even look you up#your unfindable sorry sucks to suck#and they put a date in wrong and she was liie omg oops!#anyways all it covers is 50% ive never heard of insurance covering that much and some other issue that made me unbookable for some reason?#at this point it seems easier to go up see my dad and go to his dentist that hes had literally zero issues with
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