#again its one log with little context to most of the things they say

[arolesbianism]

If I ever do get properly into dst character modding I like have to make an oni character mod at some point, but the issue is Id want it to be an Olivia mod so bad but also Nails is as far as I'm aware the only legal character name wise and as such it feels like it has to be them, y'know for the bit. But also I have already written too much Olivia dst dialogue and I need an excuse to use it damnit

[honoura]

Shaaloani: The Land of Enchantment Part Two

Hello again! First of all thank you so much for your responses to these posts -- I've really enjoyed reading your reblogs. I'm glad folks are enjoying this!

As I mentioned in the first post -- here is the second half! It's covers the plants and animals I thought worth special distinction. By that I mean animals that communicate how much research was done regarding this zone. So no rroneek, no uxtena. It's pretty clear they are both meant to be buffalo and rattlesnakes.

And if you're somebody who hadn't caught that, um... surprise! That's what they're based on.

If you're somehow getting this post without reading or seeing Part One first, here is a link to Part One. I'd recommend giving it a read first.

With that taken care of, let's pick up where we left off before!

Shaaloani Flora

Aside from the cacti, there are a lot of plants I recognize as native to the regions discussed in Part One! First is this scrubby, short and wide tree. It took a few screenshots and a lot of scrutiny. I was torn for a bit thinking it was a creosote bush, but upon zooming in close I'm of the mind it's a redberry juniper tree instead!

The leaves are long and thing, and the shape gives to mind of juniper needles more. Juniper 'leaves' kind of scale over each other and between texture resolution and my horrible eye sight I can't tell if this does the same. Still! There's a photo below my two screenshots for further emphasis:

These are also the trees turned red near the ceruleum fields -- junipers tend to do that when they are dying. They are also incredibly hardy so typically when you've managed to kill one it's likely not good.

I will say when I was out here I noticed the botanist gathering log has mesquite beans on it -- and you harvest them from these trees! Which is too silly for me; so here's a link to the the wiki about honey mesquite, and a photo of the beans on a tree.

It's probably a reach to try and ID this grass in the Yawtanane Grasslands, but given that it caught my eye I felt inclined to make a pitch. For context child me thought a fun and engaging after school club project was to learn how to identify grass and other plants native to Texas. So when I looked at it I wanted to take a guess based on other regional clues:

To me I think it could be cane bluestem, a grass that's drought tolerant and popular for grazing animals. And its seeds are dispersed from these little fluffy heads like this.

I will say as a caveat that a lot of grass in this area can be dispersed by wind. So it might not be cane bluestem -- hell it's a stretch to even try this. But I like to think they also considered the grass.

The bush above I also hmmed and hrmmed about for a bit before positing if it was meant to be black persimmon. It's commonly called Texas persimmon or Mexican persimmon -- and it's found in Coahuila, Tamaulipas and Neuvo León. They generally just look like big shrubs instead of trees.

I mentioned this in part one, but I'll go ahead and reiterate here a few things:

One is I think Lake Taori's about the only place that reads as specifically Texas

Two is it's not a bayou. That's an East Texas ecosystem and way too wet for Shaaloani

Three is there are cypress trees west of San Antonio growing along the Frio river, and doing quite well! Garner State Park has quite a few of them

I stand by this because these trees are show to be reproducing by making 'knees' -- offshoots from their root system. Think of it like Pando.

I also feel cypress is correct; the trunks are wider at the base than higher up, and the leaves are the right shape. I also appreciate there's Spanish moss hanging from them, which is also pretty common.

The last plant I want to cover is this flowering bush -- I'm going to admit this one was a struggle because I don't know of a lot of bushes with large white flowers like this. I've seen flowers of this shape, but most tend to be ground cover plants that grow very low to the soil.

What I think it might be, which would feel appropriate, is a take on the datura. They can get a bit higher off the ground than most wildflowers. And they were used by several native tribes for cultural practices.

The flowers are bigger in real life than depicted here -- so this is a reach! If someone has a better suggestion I'm open to it.

Shaaloani Fauna

When Fate farming out here, I've seen several players comment like 'huh, there sure are a lot of dinosaurs on this map'. And you're right! Because a lot of this region is home to some incredibly rich fossil formations.

Big Bend National Park contains part of the Javelina Formation -- home to large creatures such as the Quetzalcoatlus, a pterosaur that boasted a 39 foot wingspan. You can read about fossils found in Big Bend here. The Javelina Formation has its own wiki article that details some of the specimens found within it, including the Bravoceratops and the Torosaurus. The Ojo Alamo Formation in New Mexico is home to the Ojoceratops. Just south of these is the Aguja Formation in the Mexican states of Coahuila and Chihuahua. These formations are home to fossils of all three types of scalekin above -- as well as alligators, who are also on this map!

Other Formations in the Southwest home to great fossil finds are:

Kayenta Formation (Colorado & Utah)

Tepetate Formation (Mexico)

Black Peaks Formation (Texas)

There's even a fun sightseeing lore blurb which acknowledges this!

I think this is a fun addition to the zone that strengthens the real world inspiration sources and have fun with world building -- a lot of the formations near the Permian Basin were along the shore or under the waves of the Permian Sea!

And that's all I have! Thank you all for indulging me, and by all means take any and all of this to do with what you will in roleplay. Have fun with it!

[butchpeabody]

gamesoft and rockoon also

FOOOR this. okay. gonna put this under a readmore since its gonna get long.

GAMESOFT:

favorite thing about them: i do love so much about her but being the first canonically transgender character i was ever exposed to will always make her hold a special place in my heart...so important to me

least favorite thing about them: not necessarily about Them but they didnt get nearly as much screentime as they deserved. let them be mysterious and knowing goddamit

favorite line: nylocke, dragon of eternal altruism....please log off now, and stay safe 🥺

brotp: ZETTO....ZETTO KIRB WHOEVER YOU WANNA SAY. they have so fucking much to talk about being the only two bitches in the friendgroup who Know and feel the pain...they need to interact more soo bad

otp:

notp: as much as i love kizuna and support womens wrongs i feel like they would NOT work together romantically. maybe as friends at some point but thats after a LOT of growth on kizunas end

random headcanon: i think gs Can sleep but doesnt really need to? but when she does she always likes to chill at base with a friend while shes doing it to feel safe especially posteries. i cant imagine she sleeps in realworld time tho its like 30 minutes at most

unpopular opinion: i dont really...know if i have one? honestly i feel like shes not a very divisive character. i think the most i can say is that even though as of avz shes definitely OKAY the fact that her getting to live at the end of the main series was at ALL up for debate in universe is insane to me. weve established time and time again she is very much a living and sentient being yknow...

song i associate with them: i listen to this specific cover of kokoro and think abt her a lot tbh

favorite image of them:

NNNOW for rockoon.

favorite thing about them: EASILY one of the most welcome 180 character turns in the show. i adore the fact that he was given so much depth and a whole arc n shit....AND hard reset. amazing little dude

least favorite thing about them: ...honestly same thing as gamesoft. not enough screentime. i get it more with him because hes a secondary character but he is my emotional support pookie....

favorite line: im gonna be real i feel like this is fucking impossible every word that comes out of his mouth in any context is gold

brotp: YOU KNOOOOOWWW its gotta be him and archy. his little dude who was born in a wet cardboard box all alone. the little mipy....the little woowoomeowmeow.....

otp: i wasnt very shipping minded when i was younger into tome when tai said that he shipped him with splat i was like thats awesome ill adopt it into my belief system.

notp: doubling....do i thibk they should have a beautiful sad internet dude reconciliation arc? yes of course. but i cant see em romantically...

random headcanon: i know he did animal jam scams when he was younger....i know he would teach archy how to do animal jam scams.....but archy would feel bad about doing it and hes like okay no more scams for me i have seen the error of my ways

unpopular opinion: again idk if hes really that divisive but hes honestly one of the best characters in the show...up there with the main guys to me. like i said insane development and a surprisingly strong emotional core for what anyone starting the show for the first time would have assumed to be a one-off joke character

song i associate with them: when i was younger i had a whole fight scene to dummy! from the ut ost planned out for him but i have never completed it. </3

favorite picture of them:

[ixcaliber]

Games I Played November

I started the month fully intending to be like ‘it’s Halloween 2. Nobody can tell me when to stop playing spooky games’ but I think I only played one.

1. Signalis

Signalis is a game very much in the style of a classic survival horror. Early Resident Evil and Silent Hill and it isn’t making any attempt at hiding these inspirations. After a brief introduction the first thing you find yourself doing is staring into a bathroom mirror in an unfamiliar place, looking for your wife. One of the safe rooms plays the Moonlight Sonata. Heck the game opens with the disclaimer that parts of this game may be considered violent or cruel, a disclaimer I’m familiar with because I’m still making my way through Silent Hill 3. Fingers crossed I can convince my brain to get back to that for the December list.

But, anyway, Signalis. It borrows imagery, it borrows some mechanics, and it uses that retro ps1 aesthetic but it’s not as though it doesn’t have its own ideas. It’s a game that’s dense with motifs and recurring symbology, with its own intricately built world for you to piece together. There’s a whole arg in there, just like in there if you’re willing to look for it and it got beyond me at a certain point but I do respect the construction of this world and this game.

I’m a little reluctant to talk too much about the game. I don’t know how much is a spoiler to say, and I feel like learning about the world as you play is a big part of the experience. What I will say is that despite its aesthetics and its clear reference points it plays very well and responsive.

And its gay.

Admittedly it doesn’t take a lot to bring me to tears (fyi me and forgie are watching an anime about cute girls doing diy and i legitimately tear up every time in the op because i am weak) but yeah this game did it. (checking ahead maybe like nearly half of my list made me cry so thats maybe more on me but w/e)

2. The Entropy Centre

The Entropy Centre is a recently released first person puzzle game in the style of Portal. It has the weird gun that serves a puzzle function, it has the cubes and the buttons and even has the lasers and jump pads and light bridges once you get deeper into the game.

The central mechanic of this game is to be able to rewind an object through 30 seconds of movement. Its a versatile mechanic and well explored, there was only really once or twice in the game when I was really stumped and it took me a good while to work out how to solve the puzzle I was stuck on.

The best thing about this game is that it has probably the best context for a puzzle game mechanic I’ve seen in any of these portal-likes. Some very early game spoilers here, feel free to skip ahead if you’d rather. So, really early in the game you discover that the facility you wake up in is on the moon and the earth is exploding. The Entropy Centre, the organization, is designed to protect the world from cataclysms like this by gathering the entropy energy created by solving a puzzle and use all that collected energy to rewind the Earth and then send back the information to help avoid the same catastrophe happening again.

I love this premise. I love the worldbuilding that the game does through computer logs that really delve into the implications of the Entropy Centre and its work. I love the idea that okay yeah we have this chipper helpful AI assistant but of course they can’t tell us how to solve the puzzle because the energy is generated from the act of solving. I mean obviously it’s a justification but it’s the best one I’ve seen so far.

The only negative things I’d say about this game are 1) i wish you could use the entropy device on more environmental objects (like use a vending machine and then rewind it so all the cans go back inside), it’s absolutely not necessary to solving the puzzles or anything other than messing around but it’d help me to imagine it as a real device rather than just a puzzle solving tool.

2) after a certain point in the game there is combat and it’s the most uninteresting part of the game, this awkward chore to push through before you can get back to solving puzzles.

3) there’s a moment at the end that I feel overdoes it a little bit. I had a moment about half way through when I realized what was coming and that moment was great. I love that the game gave me enough information to piece together what was coming and it felt really impactful when I made this conclusion naturally. The actual moment of revelation beats you around the head with the concept just to make sure you get the idea and it feels a bit overdone, especially coming after playing Signalis.

Otherwise really good game.

3. Metroid Dread

ugh

i kind of hated this one gang

i played this in the rookie mode that was added earlier this year. calling this an easier difficulty may be technically accurate but good god.

In Rookie Mode damage dealt by bosses is reduced and you get more energy whenever you get energy. That does sound easier. The bosses are the worst part of this video game. Every now and then a loading screen tip would pop up and tell me that every attack in the game is dodgable and I’d fucking laugh to myself. Lowering the damage of the bosses means I can survive getting hit by their attacks a couple more times. It doesn’t make it any fucking easier to get out of the way of those attacks. If that’s hard for you you’re going to struggle no matter which of the difficulties you pick.

I don’t think I’ve got anyone reading my tumblr who is going to reply to me that I should have just gotten good. I’m not bad at video games in general. I’ve gotten through some difficult games without tearing my hair out. The bosses in this game felt more unfair than I guess I have a tolerance for. It’s the most actually pissed off I’ve been at a video game in a good while. I really hated them. I hated when a boss fight that I’d struggled with and managed to get past because a recurring miniboss encounter in the very next area.

If the game expects a lot of you in the boss encounters it’s because it expects so little of you in the rest of the game. This is probably the worst metroidvania style game I’ve played in terms of exploration. Everywhere you go you’re passing though little points of no return, forcing you to keep going ahead to the next objective. It’s not constant. There are times when you do have the freedom to retrace your steps if you want, but I could feel the game bristling against my desire to explore. It gets to the point where you just have to go ok and take any teleporter that is put in your path. Where are you going? Fuck knows. Fuck knows where your next objective is at any given time just keep following the trail laid out for you. No thinking only following.

Also I hate the secret breakable bits of terrain. I hate that there are breakable blocks that are just part of the wall that you just have to intuit that there is progression past there if you shoot it with a missile. I got so lost early on when I was first railroaded to Dairon because I thought myself ‘oh there doesn’t appear to be any obvious way forward best go back and find the upgrade I need in the previous area’ only to find that the door had closed behind me god knows when ago and I for a while thought I had somehow softlocked myself.

Metroid Dread does a terrible job of communicating which way you need to be heading but hates it if you’re trying to go anywhere other than the exact next spot for the next upgrade or boss encounter. I fucking hated playing this game. Sorry.

4. Alba - A Wildlife Adventure

This is a cute little game where you’re a small child visiting their grandparents on the island where they live. You decide to start trying to help the environment and to take photos to catalog the local species.

I love this game.

I met little squirrels and a foxie.

You have seven days to try to gather enough signatures for a petition to stop the construction of a hotel which is being built in a run down nature preserve. Each day you have a set little story to play through, but the game is very freeform. You can explore at your leisure, certain abilities or areas only open up through main story progression but it’s overall extremely chill about letting you set your own pace and your own goals.

It’s good and wholesome and I cried.

5. Resident Evil VIII: Shadows of Rose

The one thing I was excited about this DLC was the idea of the duke as a villain. I loved the thought that he was helping Ethan in Village because he saw an opportunity to create a power vaccum and then take over. Without like going into spoilers or anything, that’s not a thing that happened in this game.

The first half is a low effort retread of Castle Dimetrescu, without the key components that made that interesting the first time around (i.e. Lady Dimetrescu and her daughters). The second half has more ideas. It takes place, at least to begin with, in the Bienviento House and essentially combat (as it is experienced in the first half of the game) is more or less over once you reach this point. I sort of liked some of this half of the game, but even the bits that I did like were ruined by the context.

The story of Shadows of Rose is that Rose has grown up and been raised by Chris Redfield as a corporate asset I guess. There certainly didn’t seem to be any fondness between them when Rose talks or thinks about him. She has sort of mold powers and has some difficulty controlling them. One of the guys who works with Chris tells her about the existence of a magic crystal that can seal her powers. It seems at the time as though he’s saying he needs information on how to find it from within the memories contained in a sample of the megamycyte but that’s absolutely not what the game thinks is happening. In this game you’ve gone into a magic mushroom to look for a physical crystal that can stop your powers.

And its like okay yeah Resident Evil has always had zombies and sure they have vampires and werewolves now in Village, but like I’m almost certain that if I found the right text log it would explain that they’re not really vampires and werewolves but something with a scientific origin in some oblique way. Searching for the magic crystal in this feels like the step too far and for the longest time I was pretty sure it would turn out there was no magic crystal that that was just a lie to get her into the mushroom space. But there is a magic crystal. This DLC is stupid.

The best I can say for it is that it isn’t nearly as bad as either of the DLC for Revelations 2.

6. Ghost Song

Ghost Song is a metroidvania game with an incredible artstyle and ambience. The atmosphere of this game is so strong. Everyone you encounter, everywhere you go has this vibe. There’s a sort of contemplatativeness to it. The first objective you have leads to you meeting the crew of a crashed ship and from that point onwards whenever you complete an objective you can come back and have a discussion with them. I love these talks. They’re sort of sad, everyone has a sort of sadness to them, but the game never feels bleak. It’s a sort of optimistic sadness if such a thing exists.

It was playing Ghost Song that finally made me click just how much I had hated the exploration of Metroid Dread. I got to the crashed ship and was given five objective points on my map showing the general location of the things I needed and it was like ‘oh yeah! some direction! freedom to accomplish my goals in the order i choose! that’s right i do like metroidvanias’.

The one thing I’d say against the game is that, each of the items you’re sent to collect, when you pick them up they disable fast travel and you have to make your way back to the ship. There is a reason for this as having them on you does have an effect on the world. I just wish the game gave you the option to put them back. The first time I picked one up I was so low on health with no more heals left and it was sort of painstaking for me to carefully make my way back to the last save point.

But overall this is such a good time, such an interesting world to explore.

7. Nobody Saves The World

Nobody Saves The World is a sort of top down diablo like dungeon crawler game made by the developers of Guacamelee.

You are a featureless nobody called Nobody and you get your hands on the wand of a powerful wizard after he goes missing. It allows you to take on a whole range of different forms such as a little rattie, necromancer, ranger, egg, robot, monk etc. Each of them with their own movesets and abilities which as you progress through the game can have their abilities and passive buffs mixed and matched for powerful synergies. It’s really neat. Each of the forms have different form quests that require you to make good use of that forms strengths in order to make that form stronger and unlock more customization options.

It’s a really good game for giving you lots of objectives and letting you go and do what you like. There’s a decent amount of sidequests and a couple of different adventuring guilds to join which have their own little side questline. It’s a good game with a fun sense of humour and if I’m a little vague I’ve been playing it on and off since like the start of the year rather than in one intense burst. It’s still been a good time though.

8. Nobody Saves The World: The Frozen Hearth

Should have done this before finishing the game. It gives you a little new area to explore and then essentially a series of optimization challenges, which are just a little too finnicky for me to really delve into. It also gives you two new forms, the mechanic and the killer bee. The only problem is that like, if you’ve done a full completionist playthrough like me and then come to this DLC afterwards instead of at the point at which it becomes available in the story, then you don’t really have anything left to do with these new forms to unlock all their functionality. I ended up doing laps in one of the areas just killing enemies and resetting them by leaving the area and returning just to level up these forms.

If you’re really into optimizing your abilities in really specific ways you’ll get more out of this DLC than I did, but it is nice to just have a couple of new forms to play with.

9. Psychonauts 2

I was really hyped for Psychonauts 2 when it first came out. I played like two or three hours of it and then paused and oops now my ADHD has decided its time to do other stuff for a year and a bit.

Psychonauts 2 is great. It has a great cast of characters, fun worlds to explore and some interesting new powers to play with. It’s pretty much everything I wanted in a Psychonauts sequel and it does all this stuff with a more considerate view of mental health and desire to get consent from everyone involved than the first game did.

In terms of its plot, its kind of even more ambitious than I would have even asked for in terms of like... in this game you put Ford Cruller’s mind back together. Its the kind of thing that I didn’t think would even be on the table.

The only thing that I’d say against the game is that it didn’t have a single world that stood out amongst the rest. You know like the Milkman Conspiracy in Psychonauts 1. I’d make an argument for the Sensatorium but thats more an incredibly strong visual aesthetic than like a perfectly executed gameplay mechanic. None of the worlds were bad, they were all of a good quality, and like, I don’t think it’s even possible to intentionally recreate the success of the Milkman Conspiracy. Not sure what I even want here. Lets say that Connie’s level was the new Milkman Conspiracy because I saw a figment of a foxie in there.

10. Citizen Sleeper

Citizen Sleeper is um like sort of a single player ttrpg. If there’s a specific genre that this fits into then I’m not familiar with it. I mean I know that rpg is a genre but it’s such a broad genre that it doesn’t really evoke the dice rolls and advancing clocks nature of this game.

You play as a sleeper, the consciousness of a human installed into a synthetic frame. Sleepers are essentially corporate property, designed to skirt laws against true artificial intelligences. And you are on the run, you’ve made it to a ruined space station and your goal is essentially to survive. To maintain yourself until you can find a way to elude the corporation seeking to reclaim you and to find yourself a place to belong.

Every day you roll a number of six sided dice which can then be assigned to any tasks you want to attempt, the higher the number the better the odds of success, whilst low numbers can be used to interface with electronic systems. Its actually a really neat system.

My only issues with the game are largely sort of self imposed. There’s a ticking clock that starts early and it seems to be a hard deadline to accomplish one of your tasks. It turns out eventually that it isn’t as hard a deadline as you might imagine, and the task you’ve been trying to accomplish is more of a long term goal. It did make me a bit more tense than I would have liked as I was approaching this event but that’s not too bad I suppose. 

The other thing is that I triggered the sequence toward the conclusion quicker than I would have wanted. I was still finding and trying desperately to complete new stories as the final clock was ticking down to my ending. Once again that was on me, and perhaps on me not taking the time to explore each of the locations available at the beginning of the game until right at the end.

Overall it was a good experience and yes I did cry a little bit in this one.

11. A Memoir Blue

A Memoir Blue is a short mostly abstract game with some interesting visuals and implied narrative. It’s about a woman who is a famous swimmer and an examination of her history and relationship with her mother and I just have a thing against narratives that are like ‘the love of a family member is super special and its fine if a parent was neglectful because they have this special love and you should definitely forgive them etc etc’.

Maybe there’s something to be said about this one being like ‘okay yeah her mother wasn’t there for her but she was working hard to support her and as an adult she can see how much her mother was trying in ways she couldn’t appreciate at the time etc etc’ but like the game’s much too simple and abstract for that to really come across.

Some nice imagery but overall I really didn’t vibe with the percieved sentiment.

12. Genshin Impact - Fabulous Fungus Frenzy Event

The biggest problem that I have with Genshin Impact is that if you’re tired of whatever is happening in the story at the moment and you’ve got the idea and you don’t really need to listen to them discuss the matter back and forth, you can’t really skip through the dialogue. You can sort of. You can hit the next button and it will go to the next bit of dialogue, unless that bit of dialogue has an animation associated with it. If it does you have to sit and watch the animation before you can continue onwards. It means I can’t read the dialogue at my own pace. It’s always just a touch too slow and it makes the long winded dialogue feel more arduous than it would have to if I could just rapid fire skip through.

That’s not really the problem with this event. This event was mostly fine. I was engaged with the little storyline about catching fungi and using them as pokemon. This time it was the gameplay that felt tedious. I was only here to do enough to get the free character from the event so I gave up on the fungi battles as soon as I had the currency I wanted, but god were they tedious. Maybe it would have been less so if I’d been prepared to commit to memory the attacks and abilities of my little fungus guys but they gave me like twelve. I do not have the capacity to store that kind of information. As it was it was a fight where you stand there and every twenty seconds or so run and pick up a ball of light and then press a single button to trigger an attack, going on for like three to five minutes at a time.

And at the end it turned out I already had the character I did the whole thing for, I’d just forgot that I’d pulled for her.

13. West of Loathing

West of Loathing is a comedy western rpg. You do have stats and stuff, but a lot of the things you’re doing is solving puzzles or just experiencing odd little encounters.

It’s very freeform in its storyline. Like if you just follow the main story all you’re doing is solving two or three problems to help move the railroad across the west, but each of those allows a couple of different ways to reach your solution and most of the enjoyment of the game comes from the bizarre side storylines and the strange encounters you can have along the way.

There is turn based combat and it’s fine. Once again I have turned myself into a glass cannon and I can do so much damage I can destroy most enemies in a single hit but oops if I’m fighting against more than one enemy I’m having a Major Difficulty. I don’t know if that’s a fault of the game or just of the builds of characters that I tend to make. Surprisingly often there are ways to get around combat sections, either through skill checks or just through inventive use of your items and surroundings.

The humour is actually really good in this game. There’s one recurring bit where you can search for items in any spittoons you come across and the narrator will react in horror and desperately try to convince you not to go fishing around in there.

I had a lot of fun with this one, especially the DLC Reckonin’ At Gun Manor which I’m not going to give it’s own seperate number because it doesn’t feel distinct enough from the main game to warrant it. It does however have one of the best running jokes and payoffs in the game. It’s a fun time.

14. Alveole

Alveole is a puzzle game where you are a man running on a treadmill, occasionally there is a spike that you can jump over. Your goal is to fulfil arbitrary conditions hinted at through iconography on the screen. It kinda does a pretty bad job at communicating this though.

I played this on playstation. I had it on my wishlist, was notified that it was now about a pound and thought sure why not. Downloaded and tried it without rereading the store description and it was really unclear what I was supposed to be doing. I got an achievement just for trying all the buttons (i think?).

Once I’d sussed out what the goal was it was more engaging, but like even then each instance of the game is like two to three minutes of running and that’s an irritating length of time to try testing different theories. There are definitely some of them that I got just by messing around, with no idea of what I’d actually done to accomplish the task.

It’s not a terrible concept but its definitely not a great execution of the idea imo.

[the-resurrection-3d]

on my second listen so here are my actual thoughts on TTPD:

The album got off to a shaky start sonically because the opening tracks are very reminiscent of midnights and I was just like "oh, god, not this again." I don't even hate midnights the way a lot of y'all do but I do honestly hope she moves away from this sound in the next album because I'm tired of it even when it's good, LOL. But the album definitely picks up, even though there are still songs I would make some production changes to. Someone described it as a love-child of midnights and evermore and I really like that description. This thing is gonna go CRAZY live on piano. I cannot wait for the tour to start back up again.

I've seen some people complain about the lyrics, but then the ones they quote as bad I disagree with because I'm the only correct opinion-haver and always will be, I suppose! Except the line about liking Charlie Puth -- the line in context is completely fine, I just don't care much for Puth as an artist, LOL. I'll need to actually get them in front of me before I say anything more, but all the promo of her leaving the glitter pens in the midnights room was right.

The leak I found was the black dog version, and considering the sheer fuckery on that song, I'm VERY anxious to listen to the other bonus tracks. It definitely feels like she cut this song from the standard because it's SO specific to her in a way that is not glossed over with metaphor. And it does make a lot of sense to keep the hottest goss on tracks that only the fans will really care about.

side note: a lot of the discourse going on right now from people who have heard the leaks is that "most of the album is about matty!" And there definitely are matty songs, don't get me wrong, but a lot of the ones I'm seeing being claimed for him are so obviously wrong it's shocking how you guys can call yourself swifties and forget BASIC shit about how Taylor has described joe and their initial dynamic. Hilariously, it's giving "reputation is about karlie kloss because joe couldn't have inspired such evocative lyrics!" -- whatever kind of person joe is IRL, he has such little stage presence and star power that people literally just forget what personality traits he allegedly has and re-assign them to matty because, for better or worse, matty has a very clear and public personality. but if this is gonna be the discourse tomorrow night I'm logging off.

I wonder, however, if many of the songs about matty are inspired not simply by the emotional intensity and the discourse around him, but by joe insinuating that SHE cheated on HIM when it's very fucking clear that he cheated on her and probably more than once. "guilty as sin?" seems to be insinuating she started feeling attraction to other men while her relationship with joe was on its last legs, since she asks if she's really guilty if she only IMAGINED fucking other guys and didn't actually do it. girl i've been there LMAO

EDIT: listening to the song again it feels more akin to songs like "gorgeous" and ESPECIALLY "high infidelity," since those are about leaving someone FOR joe because the current relationship is emotionally unsatisfying. The religion stuff towards the end also connects to songs like 'false god" -- so in this light, Taylor is reflecting on how, if joe cheated on her, is she herself also guilty? Didn't she fantasize about Joe while with someone else? The song ending on "Am I allowed to cry?" is sooooo brain-tickling.

so I gotta just wait for everyone else to listen to this thing huh

[skiyoosmi]

to the stars above | z.

featuring. zhongli (genshin impact)

genre. fluff, angst, smut, ancient-liyue!au

word count. 5.4k

marga's notes. aAAAa look look, it's my first commission!! school has kept me really occupied for like the past month but after pulling a few all-nighters, i've finally finished my responsibilities along with this little baby! once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you to my bubs @ramannnn for trusting me with this one <33

Nobody knows when the world began, how it came to be and why it continues to be. Even I, whose mind is filled with nothing but wonder for it, have no idea. One thing I am quite sure of... is how mine did.

It all started with him— a man of many titles, different identities yet at the end of the day, all these monikers are the same; it's all him. He adored Liyue more than anything else, knew it like the back of his hand. He went where the winds lead him, stayed where the moon shines upon him, stood where the golden sun kissed his skin. He found serenity in the walks he travels as he goes about his day, the sceneries his eyes take in and the calm sounds the nature resonates for him. And as if it was fate decided upon by the Celestia, it led him to me. Suddenly, my little world that used to be nothing became everything... quickly and all at once.

An exasperated sigh escapes from my lips, frustration and disappointment filling my whole being as I stare at the blank parchment paper I held in my hands. Another day was again wasted with no progress, I thought, mentally beating myself up for not being productive enough. Before I could further drown myself into such pessimistic ideas, I snap out of it and let my eyes cherish the view that lies ahead of me. Though I feel a little guilty for taking Vermeer's place, I can only whisper an apology with little to no sincerity. Because truly, nothing can beat the picturesque landscape of Luhua Pool— the crystal clear waters that would most probably reflect my face like a mirror if I were to ever look at it, the ruins that ignited the spark of curiosity within me, wondering about the pasts it holds and the stillness and feeling of peace it gives me as I sit in this cliff. Feeling somewhat a bit better, I place my things on top of the old bag I bring no matter where I go. There's always a better day for writing, I tell myself as a form of consolation, bringing my slim arms up to begin stretching. I've been sitting on this log for quite a long time now, after all.

"It seems like you are in a bit of a dilemma," a deep voice comments from behind me. Out of surprise, I lightly jump and turn my head towards the stranger. Right at that moment, it felt as if all the air circulating inside my body had been depleted. Captivating was an understatement as to how he appeared before me. With the sunlight striking his face and accenting his unique features further, he stood with his hands behind him, head tilted as he looked at me with interest, all while keeping his dignified posture.

"Oh, hello. I am afraid so, yes," I respond, or rather, mutter under my breath since I was not really used to having sudden encounters with other people, nor am I fond of it. I tend to keep to myself, finding it much more peaceful than having to tend to others' overbearing expectations and demands which is partly the reason why I chose to live in the outskirts, far from the center of Liyue that contrasts my comfortable abode, "I apologize. I failed to realize that somebody other than Vermeer liked to stay here," I told him, arching my eyebrows a little when he let out a breathy chuckle.

"Oh, you have no need for such formal apologies. I do not always go here, at least probably not as often as the man you call Vermeer. I was simply taking a walk and I think I got carried away by Liyue's view and eventually, my feet led me here," he explains, a hint of sheepishness present in his tone, "and I guess I'll have to thank my feet for that."

Because it led me to you, interesting one. For many years, it will remain unspoken, kept by the strange man to himself and unveiled once his heart gives up from the resistance he upholds.

For the following hours of lounging around Luhua Pool, I learned a lot about the stranger— he calls himself "Morax," and like the god of Liyue, he enjoyed history and is extremely knowledgeable about it, aspiring to know and understand everything of the world, he often brews tea, even going as far as inviting me once I am free from any form of work. Just as he shared facts about himself, I did too.

"So, Cheng, you said you have a bit of a dilemma?" he inquires, slightly angling his head towards the direction of the side I'm sitting on. I nod my head up and down, mouth forming into a small pout of disappointment as I remember that today has not been that progressive.

"Yes. I am trying to write a novel, you see. Something that will leave an impact on this world so that even if I may pass, I will still live on the memories of people," I tell him, an ambitious expression present on my face. He hums, eyes going over the terraces that make up the current view we have and the two huge statues standing by the ruins, "Why so?"

I pause for a moment to think of a reply, "I guess I just do not want to let someone alone in this cold world. Wouldn't that be too cruel and sad, to just leave them with nothing?"

If I'm able to write words that will provide comfort to my readers, then maybe... just maybe the world will be less lonely... even for just a little bit. At least, that's what I thought as silence consumed us, the sun setting as if to remind us that finally, another day is nearing its end. Now, what will tomorrow bring?

"Well then, I do hope I will be able to read at least some of your works at least once," he speaks as he stands up, lightly dusting away his clothes, "It certainly has been a pleasure to be your company, Cheng."

As he walks down the slope of the hill, his somewhat broad back facing me, I call out, "Will you be back?"

He stops and turns, a soft smile is plastered on his face as he responds, "Only time will tell."

But time was no friend of mine. At least that's what I have come to realize as many days passed without him returning to this place. Though maybe it's only because it almost felt as if time slowed down and I was only eager to see him again, something I have scolded myself to— what a fragile heart do I have to already seek a stranger's presence? That is what others call love at first sight, a devilish portion of my mind whispered cheekily within me and I gasped in disbelief, "Absolutely not," I lightly slap both of my cheeks, "I'm just too coped up in my own world. I probably need to go see more people."

That thought remains a simple yearning though because once again, I find myself lounging around the same spot in Luhua, a quiet hope ignited within me, fulfilled when I hear the familiar voice he adorns as he speaks, "You're here."

I release a sound that is between a giggle and a breathy chuckle, "And I see your feet had led you here once more?"

"They were curious, or should I say... I was," he explains as he takes a seat beside me, his posture remaining solid despite the uncomfortable position.

"Of what?" I ask.

"Of you," he simply replies, unaware of the sudden yet unsurprising effect it had on my heart that was already beating rapidly with just his mere presence. I try not to be so showy of it though, too embarrassed to even think of how fast I became fond of him.

But it was no wonder. After all, he himself was an interesting one; from the way he carries himself, the way he speaks, and the way he's just him... all and every action hold so much dignity that it just leaves me almost breathless and in awe every single time my eyes finds their way to his figure— and to think that this was just our second meeting? My mother would most probably let out the most shameless giggle as I tell her these thoughts, pushing me and teasing me like a normal person in their teens would. I shake my head to get out of these thoughts, listening to Morax as he tells another wonderful tale, almost making me think that he lived it himself with how he knew it, going over even with the smallest details.

"You know, Morax, you have such a good memory to remember all of those things despite simply hearing about it," I suddenly speak up in the midst of the silence that engulfed us while he tries to think of the next story to tell, "I hope I can stay in them too... in your memories, I mean. I know I am far from being the most interesting person but for some reason, I wish for that."

He pauses, eyes trailing slowly towards me, beyond my knowledge, before he lets out a somber smile. You already are, is another one of him that becomes an afterthought.

I heaved out a sigh before shaking my head again, "Ah! Why do I keep having such lonely thoughts? Forget about that. Please do not mind me, alright? I think I really need to stop being stuck in the mountains."

I pick up my small bag and shuffle inside it, letting out a quiet sound of 'aha!' as a sort of celebration when I successfully got a small book out, "Here."

He blinked his eyes in confusion, wondering what it was I handed to him so I spoke in delight, "You told me you wanted to read at least one of my works so, here. I am warning you though, it is not like the ones that sell best in the bookstores. It might bore you, or weird you out like what others say."

"What others say?"

"They say it's too unrealistic, too impossible... but I believe otherwise. We live in a world where gods and adepti watch over us. What makes my story impossible then?" I ponder, him still being confused.

"What is it about anyway?" He asks, having no idea of what the context my book had.

"It's about an archon who began living as a simple man in Liyue."

Our meetings became more frequent after that and eventually, we got comfortable with even just the presence of each other, having no need for long talks and such, but just peace. Today, like any other day, Morax was just reading the book I gave him, while I was thinking of what my next story would be about. Occasionally, he looks at me with an odd expression that is almost equivalent to astonishment, as if I have done something so great that it made him look at me that way.

"What made you think of this plot?" he asks all of a sudden, not forgetting to put a piece of paper that served as a bookmark on the page where he stopped just in case he accidentally closed it.

I hum, thinking about my answer to his question, "Hmm. Truth to be told, it was just a mere wonder for me. Archons and the adepti, although not entirely immortal, live so much longer than an average human does, watching over us as we go about our daily lives, waiting for sudden wars to break out and then fight the enemies that attack us. Growing up, those were the things that all the people around me told me. So I began to wonder, do they ever get tired? Is it not too taxing to keep on doing that? What if... they just lived with us, among the crowds? Because I think it is too lonely wherever they are. Would it not be better if they were with us, rather than above us, so they could at least have memories to live by?"

Morax does not give a response, or rather, he finds it difficult to find one. Still, it does not stop the affection that spreads within him. He does not say it out loud, but for someone who prefers to be alone, Cheng was full of empathy. And somehow, that did wonders to Morax's heart.

"Now that I think about it, I kind of actually want to address my books to them now," I hum once more, "It would be like a message for them: Do not be too lonely even if we pass. Because of your help, through these stories, we can show you that we lived a good life."

I huff as soon as I finish my sentence, "Although one of those who read it said that was impossible, because according to them, why would archons give up their power to live a life where there is only simplicity?"

Morax let out a sound that made it look as if he got offended himself, "Archons can do that, can they not?"

"I know! That was what I was saying to them. Anyway, I am not forcing them to like what I wrote. It's just a story, after all. It can do no harm," I shrug, beginning to fix my belongings as the sun began to set, "I should go now, Morax. It is still quite a long walk to my home."

"I want to live a good life too," he suddenly tells me, making me halt and turn to him in confusion, "With you. The good life and memories you shall tell in your stories, can I be part of them too?"

The universe does not stop for anyone, nor does time— science will consistently proclaim this fact matter what timeline we shall live in. No matter how much someone begs to the Celestia to grant their wish of controlling, or stopping time, no one will be able to do such things. But somehow, it seems like when it comes to him, everything is possible as I feel my world stop at his words, just like the way it also began when I met him. And as if planets were colliding with each other, I suddenly felt my heart crash upon him and as if out of instinct, I let go of the truth.

"Of course. It would be the greatest thing to have you."

Life was strange in its own way. That is what I have come to realize in this simple life of mine.

Despite the fact that the "me" of the previous year has never even thought about putting my whole being on my sleeve, it is pleasingly odd how right now, I find myself in this kind of situation with the man who swept me right under my feet and claimed my heart as his.

“You're cold," I whisper amidst the silence of the night in my abode, my index tracing the ears of the man who had me sitting right on his lap, the shorter strands of his silky hair tucked behind them. So, so alluring.

He takes hold of my wrist, planting a soft kiss on its side, all while maintaining eye contact as he quietly drawls, "Then I suppose you can keep me warm tonight. Will you?"

As if in a trance, I nod my head, letting him take the lead as he laid me down, back against the soft mattress, him following on top with his arms supporting his build. With arising confidence, I circle my arms around him and pull him down, bringing our lips together, a sigh of relief escaping both of our mouths as if to say, "Finally."

I wonder if he thinks the same way as I do— that this was Celestia in its own way. I felt like I could do anything as long as it was with him. The kiss felt like the power we once suppressed from each other became a supernova that changed our world's course all of a sudden. But despite the tension and heat we both emitted at the moment, there is a warmth that engulfs me the same time he fully wraps his arms around me.

I am here. I will always be here.

No noise disturbs the peace we have created, only the quiet sound of crickets reach our ears but even that fails to distract him from what he's doing. He gently tugs on the sash that keeps my coat tied. Nimble fingers explore the remains of my clothing, loosening all until I am set free from them.

His eyes raked over my body, an expression of awe plastered on his face for so long that it made me somewhat conscious. Because as he unravels his to me, I am enlightened by the fact that my figure is nothing worth comparing to his — not even close. A hint of sweat glints from his skin due to the moonlight, making him look even more ethereal. But who was I to complain?

So instead, I look down, fiddling a little with my fingers as I feel my cheeks heat up. How is it that I only realize now what kind of situation we are currently in? Before I further drown in such shameless thoughts, he lifts my head up by the chin, an amused look on his usually-gentle face, "Are you feeling shy, beloved?"

I meekly nodded, to which he lets out a soft laugh and whispers, "Don't be. You are the epitome of beauty itself. If you don't believe me, allow me to show you nothing but truth tonight, I swear under the moon and all these stars."

He dips down and captures my lips in a kiss once again with more passion, if it was still even possible.

"You are made for me, as I'm made for you," he proclaims as he thrusts inside me after minutes of preparation, soft pants and groans following his statements. I can only whimper in response, pain evident in my tone at first with my hands lightly clawing at his back. I pray to the heavens above that they don't leave awful marks after this.

He halts and utters an apology, thumb caressing the bone of my cheeks while he waits for me to adjust. He scans my face after a few seconds, relief flashing in his eyes when I nod for him to continue.

"I... b..." I try to speak out but the pleasure overwrites any sensical thought that goes through my mind. He slows down a little, looking over my face and smiles, urging me to talk.

"Stay with me, beloved. We still have all night," he tells me, encouraging me to voice what has been on my mind.

"I... I belong to you, always have and always will..." I manage to croak out, voice quite hoarse due to the sounds that I let out previously. Perhaps pleased with what I have proclaimed, he begins going even deeper and at the same moment, I begin falling deeper.

"Yes, yes, you do," he repeats like a mantra, his voice sounding more and more desperate to reach his high. I cry out with him, creating a harmony that even the best bards shall be ashamed.

It was a long night— the longest yet most beautiful night I have ever had in this simple life of mine. And in that moment, as we reach the stars together, I knew right there and then that this man is someone who will be etched in my heart for as long as I live, deep into its roots— for him, it shall beat and it shall love.

You, who are reading this, most probably have had enough of these teeth-rotting praises I kept on writing. But what can I do except to apologize? These words are the only ones that can flow out of my mind and mouth to show how magnificent it was to be loved by him.

Well, nothing significant really changed. He was still the same gentleman I met, if anything, more gentle. Just like in the beginning, he made my heart flutter every chance he gets, no matter how many years have already passed.

We built a dynasty together.

But maybe I should have known that ours were also bound to crumble like the ones that have long existed even way before us.

Days, months and years went on, I realized that he was actually the opposite of me— unlike me who was clearly not parallel with time, he held it right on the palms of his hand. I was not blind, nor was I a fool, I can clearly see how he looks like he has not aged a day, all while I was here, maturing more and more each second that passed by, the amount of signs of me aging increasing significantly.

Morax. Knowledgeable of history as if he lived it himself. Time. All these thoughts eventually congest my mind as realization dawns upon me. He was not merely a man named after the god himself— Morax was him, he was Morax.

"How appalling," I mutter with a hint of sadness and dismay in my tone. I stood in front of the mirror, fingers hovering over my face, wrinkles appearing as I scrunch it. A pair of firm arms snake its way around my lean waist, chin resting on one of my shoulders as he hums his words, "What has got your beautiful mind occupied, my beloved?"

Taking hold of his arms, I turn my body around to face him, a somewhat melancholic smile etched on my face as I look up at his much taller frame, "You are a sight to behold, even to this day." He arches one eyebrow out of amusement and curiosity, wondering why I suddenly started pouring him compliments. After all, my shyness prevents me from consistently doing so. Nonetheless, I continue speaking, "I wish... I could be with you even when everything changes into a whole new world."

I lifted a hand up to cup his cheeks and began rubbing it lovingly, a lone tear finally dropping from my eye as soon as I closed it, "but I cannot, I do not have the ability to do so... I am but a mere mortal, after all."

His eyes widen as he finally discerns my actions and concerns, immediately opening his mouth in hopes of consoling me but I beat him into speaking, "It's alright, Morax. I have been putting the pieces together for a while now. I am in no way angry. I just..." I pause, gulping hard before my lips start to quiver, "... I cannot imagine how lonely it must have been. And now... I think about it and I... I do not want to leave you alone again."

My cries eventually start becoming louder, something that is very new to the both of us, seeing as I have always been composed. Love can change a person into a whole new being. I remember a book I have read once and at the moment, I can only agree. Maybe it was the way my heart clenches at the mere thought of him walking alone, or the way I can imagine us taking our last breaths together yet I know that will never happen— but either way, it was painful.

He whispers sweet nothings to my ears, placing light kisses on my temple as he leads us to the bedroom to rest once my tears have finally ceased and I have calmed down. His hold on me gets tighter every time I let out a small hiccup due to crying, almost as if he was telling me that he was feeling the same pain as I was.

Hours pass by as we lay in silence. My tears have long dried up but we remain coped up in each other's arms.

"Would it not be interesting if you bear the name Zhongli?" I ask him in a somewhat croaky voice.

He peers down and tilts his head, "Now where did that thought come from?"

I shrug, or at least try to, and look up at the ceiling as we shift our positions to lay on our back, hands finding one another and intertwining, "Hmm... nowhere. Just a name I wanted to give you in case that you are needing a new one."

"Oh? How come it would be interesting then?"

I look at him with a comforting yet sad smile.

"Because it means it's time to leave, to go somewhere far away... and unfortunately, I will have to leave soon."

He furrowed his eyebrows together, "Do not say that. Who knows? Maybe you will be able to live a hundred years by my side. Besides, I think it sounds lonely. I do not think I would want to get reminded of the fact that you are not here with me."

I hum, "But if you bear the name I gave you, wouldn't it feel like I never went away? That no matter where your feet take you, no matter how far you go, I am and will always be with you, just as I have vowed."

The wooden door leading to my writing room slowly slides open and Morax's head peers in, an adorable smile plastered on his face, "You have been quite busy these days, beloved. I do not wish to disturb you but I am starting to long for your presence."

I let out a shameless giggle, "Alright, alright. Just let me write down a few more words while I still have ideas to input."

He peeks on the parchment paper out of curiosity, taken aback when he finds his name on it, "You are writing about us?"

I nod proudly, "My last piece."

"... But why?"

I smile and approach him, taking his hand and placing my forehead against his after he lowers his head down to my level, "I told you, did I not? I do not wish to leave the person I love with nothing. So that you will not be lonely, my words will be with you. I will be with you, always..."

"... and to tell the gods... to tell you, that I loved every second of my life with you— that it was, indeed, a good life."

"Who are you, young man? Are you my son?" I speak with a very hoarse voice, squinting my eyes at the figure in front of me, as if my poor vision will allow me to do that.

I hear a melancholic yet gentle sigh come from him before he takes my rough hands and looks afar, "Don't mind me. I'm just someone who vowed to be with you for as long as time lets us."

"Oh.... really? That’s quite endearing," I hum, "Well, may I know your name?"

"This… I think I may just have an idea to whom this book is for," Paimon trails off, looking over at the traveler who was in the same trance as her, "Paimon thinks we should let the strange person we saw a while ago give this directly to Zhongli!"

Lumine nods, turning around and starting to run towards the direction they were at previously, recalling the person named Cheng who gave them the novel they just finished reading. They were unique, dressed in layers of robes and it was almost as if they lived in the old times of Liyue. Even the way they talked and moved screamed ancient.

Just as they turned the corner, a woman near the Liuli Pavilion called them over, "Traveler! Here!" As they approach, Lumine cranes her neck to look around the area but to no avail, the strange person was long gone.

"Are you two alright?" the woman asks, much to their confusion, "I saw you talking to literal air awhile ago and I was worried you have eaten something strange."

The pair looks at each other in surprise before Paimon replies, "You didn't see anyone? Like a person dressed in the strangest attire? They dressed really anciently!"

The door of the Liuli Pavilion opens and there goes Zhongli, a calm expression morphing to an awkward one when he realizes he barged into an ongoing conversation. He apologizes for the disturbance and despite the curiosity he had upon overhearing bits of Paimon's statements, he starts his walk back to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. At least not until he hears Paimon call his name, "Zhongli! Wait! A person named Cheng. Do you know them?"

He abruptly stops and turns to the two, eyes wide for a second before it returns to his usual demeanor, "How... how do you know of them?"

"We met them," Paimon says, as if it was the simplest thing to do, "Well, honestly, we don't know because we were apparently speaking to nothing but air! It's so odd!"

He stays still, honestly having no idea of what response he should give them because he himself found it hard to believe.

"Well anyway, they asked us to give you this nov— wait, where is it? It was just in your hands a while ago, Traveler!"

In the midst of the loud chaos made by the two in the middle of Liyue, he thinks he knows what to do and where to go now.

It was the day of the Rite of Parting, an event where he's supposed to be taking part of, even just a part of the audience. But he finds himself hanging around the Wanwen Bookhouse, eyes scanning the shelves until it stops at a familiar name engraved on the cover of a book.

"Oh! Greetings, Mr. Zhongli! I see you took a liking to a very great and romantic novel," Jifang comments as she sees the book in his hands.

He looks at her, "Is it really great?"

She gasps in delight, "Yes, indeed! Almost all of the Liyue folks have enjoyed this story! You can say it is a classic, especially for readers! Cheng definitely outdid themselves with this one! Such a mysterious person yet equally amazing. Imagine? Being able to make such a beautiful love story with Morax? They don’t mention the present name they gave Morax though, such a shame. Maybe it was due to old age, they wrote it until the last moments of their life after all. Anyway, I have to get back to work but enjoy reading that masterpiece!"

He feels his heart swell in pride upon knowing his lover had his wish come true. His nimble fingers carefully open the pages of the book and hours later, as he sat inside the Funeral Parlor after taking the novel home, he finds himself absorbing each and every word Cheng have written, the loneliness sitting idly inside him subsiding little by little.

I found solace in the countless cups of tea you brew whenever I encounter distress with my works, the endless stories you tell with a smile so beautiful that not even the most heavenly scenery can vanquish, but most of them all, the feeling of your hand intertwining with mine, providing me with serenity no one else has ever done before. Under the moonlit night of Liyue, I remember your wistful amber eyes, staring deep into my soul as you proclaim your love and desire for me. How foolish was it of me to think that I could live this life without even experiencing such warmth and intimacy?

It is a banality, really — how I wish to become a well-known writer with unique tales and yet the story I am telling is something so common to folks that they have most probably heard similar ones before. But I guess this is what it means to love and to be loved. Everything is like a cycle that just keeps on being repeated, yet we never get tired of it, of the feelings it brings. So, thank you, Morax. Words will never be sufficient to show how grateful I am to you for showing me a whole new world but I suppose this is still a way for me to give back to you.

With this little book of mine, I hope my heart reaches yours regardless of how many eras may have passed before and after us. So, my beloved, do not be too lonely without me. Even if you find yourself longing for my presence, just open this and my heart shall be with you.

This belongs to you, it always will.

And I do, as well.

[tomatograter]

New to the fandom, Could you explain June? 💯 Love and support her. But homestuck 2 doesn't have her and I'm just confused?

June Egbert precedes the concept of homestuck^2! I’ve seen a lot of people be confused about this because they weren’t active on the fandom at the time the epilogues dropped, when reading her as a trans woman got a lot of discussion going and eventually lead to multiple confirmations.

So here’s an attempt at contextualization:

Throughout Homestuck, a few key ideas about Egbert’s identity and motivation to push forward with her hero’s journey are dropped like breadcrumbs. She’s meant to play the default straight-man protagonist. Her defining traits are ridiculously… generic, when compared to how all the other kids present themselves and stick to exaggerated bits. She’s a perfectly normal, regular suburban kid with normal, suburban issues. 

She may not leave her room a whole lot. She may not have a lot of real life friends in the neighborhood. She holds a comical irritation for the concept of birthdays, even though her father is extremely supportive, and is delighted to see his son grow up nice and healthy. There’s no reason for her to be so irrationally upset at cakes and gifts, and that’s what makes the setup funny! June doesn’t even know why she’s annoyed with half of the things that annoy her, what the heck.

But under all that playing around there is a sense that her life is so normal, so blasé, so unexciting and limiting and hollow and fake that she’d give anything to not be herself, even if only for ten minutes. This goes way, way back. It’s why June needs SBURB to happen.

June lives as though her life hasn’t started yet. She’s stuck in the Tutorial stage. I would argue while most kids (and trolls) play SBURB to escape a shitty environment or the end of the world as they know it, June plays for a simpler reason: She needs to escape herself, and she needs to do it before it is too late. 

Being thirteen means crossing the homeric abyss between being a child with no care for the world sporting a generic hand-me-down identity and becoming a Teen (capital T) who needs to figure out how to cope with atrocious bodily changes while building the adult they’re meant to be AND deciding what the fuck they want out of life, and how they’re going to work to get it, forever and ever.

When you’re trans, and you don’t yet know you’re trans (or that this is a thing you’re even ALLOWED to be) the above feels a lot like serving a life sentence for an intangible crime.

You know what you’re supposed to do. You’ve seen it on tv, you’ve heard it from your dad, you know what are the normal trials and tribulations. You know you'll grow a few pimples and stubble and you'll need to learn how to shave, obviously, because it's basically a tradition in your family, and no one is really happy to be a teen. You know at some point you'll find a nice girl and you'll grow a hat out of your skull and then you will have to pay taxes and maybe you will have a baby daughter? You'd like it to be a daughter for no particular reason. And when you get a daughter you're going to name her Casey and she's going to be adorable and this is something you've dedicated a lot of thought to. Maybe its because you thought Nic Cage looked really cool with those long flowing locks in con air, the movie who featured a trans woman as a minor character for a few minutes (and she gets quite a bit of compliments, regardless of how the movie has aged), and he had a really exciting life, but goddamn did he love his daughter. There is no purer love than the bond between a father and his daughter. 

This absolutely has nothing to do with your father and you, or how you hold no excitement for becoming an adult man, or how your father's excitement for you becoming an adult man in your stead feels a little stifling.

But i digress.

June spends her time on SBURB mostly hassling karkat, and readily following the instructions of zany, dangerous, COOL girls that seem to know what they're doing. June lets Terezi lead her to certain death without blinking. June lets Vriska dress her up as soon as opportunity presents itself. June thinks its really funny to trick this troll Who Types Really Oddly into believing she's Rose, and also into believing that she's a very silly girl. You may even say Homestuck employs a few of jokes pertaining to how her name looks like EGG !

June has a ball playing this game until it starts to get shitty. She's never able to mend her relationship with her dad, as he's one of the first causalities. She has to spend a lot of time waiting around with jade on a ship until things get cool and exciting again, but she never stops growing during those three years. Its fine, though, because there's always more things to be done and more people to fight.

Until there aren't, and they make a new earth, and while everyone cheers and claps for the birth of a new planet June realizes all her excuses are over. Her friends begin to grow up. Rose gets married. Jade is living her best life. Dave has a not-boyfriend glued to his hip. Jane has a job. Jake is on TV for some reason. June doesn't want to leave home. June's birthday is around the corner again. Here come all the congratulations for becoming a strong lad for yet another year! Vriska is gone. Terezi is gone. SBURB is over. Wacky hijinks have been swapped for real-ass, boring-ass Regular life. We watch her unsuccessfully chase after the glory of days gone by when Rose presents her the possibility of going back into the game, when things were cool and mattered, or her flimsy decision to settle down with a nice girl she hasn’t really made an effort to know and become a father and be absolutely miserable for four decades as she asserts nothing is real, not anymore, and this is just how it is.

Depersonalization, depression and general apathy towards the world are all pronounced aspects of dysphoria that seem like unrelated incidents for someone who hasn't came out yet. June's trainwreck of a life post-game, specially her feeling of hollowness and chasing after anything that could fill it struck a chord with trans readers who left the epilogues to read HS again and discovered this has always sort of been here. June being a trans woman who doesn't have the proper vocabulary to express she is a trans woman makes a lot of earlier bits from the comic click into place, now in a broader context. We settled in the name "June" because it's what she imagines Vriska is calling her at some point, amid laughs, but even that was discussed for a lengthy period last year. What would she want to be called, what are possible tags for this, etc. But it was mostly for fun and games, because the prospect of the protagonist of a 10 year old beloved cult series being ACTUALLY confirmed as a trans woman just wasn't something that was done.

Until word got around to Andrew Hussie and he was reportedly so pleased with this interpretation of events he’d be making references to it, and some time later, a box of toblerones was left in a cave as a gift for fans to find. The first person to find a toblerone thought it would be funny to dedicate it to June, because now she was an ongoing reference that was fun to make. Instead of it ending there, Hussie logs on twitter for the first time in a long while to say 'Oh yeah, i'll make it happen' and that's when the whole thing exploded. I have a post detailing this made a year ago (with pictures!) so i won't keep you here.

In the year since, June has been vaguely alluded to in Pesterquest (in jade's end card, she's having her nails painted by rose.) Has been widely adopted by the community, those making their own fanventures and continuations, and the team behind Homestuck^2. In every way that matters, she's already thriving within the community that brought her to light a year ago. But her coming out in canon is something that will take time and a proper narrative arc to happen, one that is still being set up. We know it'll come eventually, the only question is “how”.

Not that the wind waits for anyone.

[teacupfulofstarshine]

you're the pink in my cheeks (i'm a little bit soft)

summary: "and i know we'll never grow old together / cause you'll never grow old to me / you're the pink in my cheeks / and i love that it means i'm a little bit soft / you're the pink in my cheeks / and i love that it means i'm a little bit soft"

- "monster," marceline (adventure time)

(OR: 5.4k of soft domestic lesbian!analogical, featuring lesbian!moceit, trans male!remus, trans female!roman, and Gay Shenanigans)

a/n: huge thank you to dandie for beta'ing this fic!

i just wanted to write wlw is that so wrong of me? no. no it is not.

CW: alcohol mentions, a few sex jokes, swearing, one implied instance of potential sexual activity (although it doesn't go any farther than making out; if you want to skip that part, skip the section that starts with "Did you get the right kind of popcorn?")

word count: ~5.4k

read it on ao3!!

“I think I may be going insane,” Logan says, squinting at her laptop screen. Virginia, hanging upside-down in the armchair, looks up from her phone and blinks.

“And why is that?”

“Because I am starting to agree with Rosie’s anti-Florida agenda.”

“I didn’t realize that there was an anti-Florida agenda.”

“Rosie has one, and I have always thought it facetious. However, if this laboratory does not start sending me my requested samples and information in a timely manner, I will be forced to concede that Rosie may have . . . a point.”

“You, agreeing with a lit major? I never thought I’d see the day,” Virginia teases. Logan initially resists the urge to stick her tongue out or flip Virginia off, because that would be childish, but then she remembers that Virginia does not care about her childishness, so she sticks her tongue out. Virginia snorts with laughter, and Logan feels warm, fizzy pop-rocks bursting in her chest.

Her phone buzzes next to her, and she picks it up. There’s a new message blinking for her attention on the screen.

[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

a, b, or c

[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

. . . What?

[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

*rolls eyes*

[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

i need you to make a selection, logan. a, b, or c.

[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

I am confused. What am I selecting between?

[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy

[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

Yes. I would like to know. That is why I asked you.

[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

Also, I am not a meteorologist. Or a boy.

[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

it’s a meme, i’m sure v will be happy to show you the og. but first: make a choice

[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

Option B, I suppose?

[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

vodka it is!

[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

Wait, what?

Her phone buzzes again, another text thread lighting up, and Logan abandons the now-fruitless conversation with Jan to see that her wife has texted.

[from: soda poppy]

y is jan fillin a thermos with vodka and sayin u gave her the go ahead? >:(

[to: soda poppy]

I am unsure. She texted me asking me to make a choice between “a, b, and c” with no context given. When I eventually selected “b,” she excitedly mentioned vodka and logged off.

[from: soda poppy]

her an remy r going 2 a pta meeting tonight an i guess they’re goin drunk

[to: soda poppy]

Is that a . . . normal occurrence?

[from: soda poppy]

sadly yeah

[to: soda poppy]

Wait, is she even allowed to attend PTA meetings? You two don’t have any children?

[from: soda poppy]

she’s on the school board so she has the right 2 attend. idk if she’s supposed to or not but its never stopped her b4

“Everythin’ good over there?” Virginia asks.

“I believe I may have just enabled Jan to attend a PTA meeting drunk.” Virginia snorts, swiping at her phone.

“Good for her, honestly. The only reason she and Poppy live in that neighborhood is so that Jan can flaunt her wife in front of all the capital-s Straight people, because she’s a petty fuckin’ bitch.”

“That is a strange word choice for your best friend.”

“I hate Jan, she’s a bitch,” Virginia says, smirking fondly at her phone. Logan knows her girlfriend well enough to know that this statement is disingenuous, so she stands up, stretching her arms above her head, and leans down to drop a kiss onto Virginia’s forehead.

*~*~*~*~*

Logan blinks awake slowly, feeling for the position of her limbs. She’s on her left side, left arm tucked up under her pillow to cradle her head, wrapped in the thick comforter of their bed. Her right arm is slung across Virginia’s body, and her girlfriend is pressed up against her, head tucked right under Logan’s chin and face nestled into her neck and chest. Virginia breathes, slow and deep and even, and Logan hums, huffing out a soft exhale.

She carefully wiggles out of bed, tucking the comforter around Virginia’s curled-up form. Virginia grumbles when the cool morning air slips against her skin, because she is a foolish woman who insists upon sleeping in short shorts and a spaghetti-strap tank top no matter the current weather patterns. Logan wraps her up, making sure that she’s shifted into the middle of the warm divot of body heat, and Virginia settles in, asleep again in a heartbeat.

Logan turns to the corner chair, where her early-morning outfit is already laid out: athletic leggings, a sports bra, a moisture-wicking quarter zip jacket. She changes quietly, lights off, and tugs on a pair of ankle socks before slinking into the bathroom. Once the door is shut, she flicks on the soft lights over the vanity and carefully undoes her sleep braid. Normally, Virginia does Logan’s hair, because Logan is not good at dealing with her wavy, tangled, curly mess, but she won’t wake up her girlfriend for that. She can, at bare minimum, pull her hair up into a high ponytail for running purposes.

They live in a small town only a short walk (and even shorter bike ride) from the beach, full of little two-story brightly-colored beach cottages. Logan steps off her front porch, pulls out her phone, and quickly shoots a text.

[to: ginny <3]

I am headed to the beach for my weekly run. I will likely return before you wake up, but in case I do not: I will be back before 9 AM.

[to: ginny <3]

I love you <3

Logan kicks up the kickstand on her bike, runs her fingers over the glossy dark-blue paint flecked with white and silver and gold to mimic stars, and swings one leg over the bike seat. She carefully pedals out into the narrow road and heads for the beach. The cool early-morning air whips past her face, and she chances a glance up at the dark-blue-turning-light-blue-grey sky and smiles.

She’s always been an early-morning morning person, anyway.

*~*~*~*~*

Logan’s sneakers dig into the hard-packed wet sand along the water’s edge as she runs. Seagulls scatter in front of her, and the podcast Virginia recommended hums in her ear. The sun creeps up, up, up onto the horizon, coloring the blue-grey into streaks of brilliant pink and orange and gold, light reflecting off the water in resplendent diamond sparkles.

Logan runs half a mile down the beach, turns around, runs back to where she started and then runs half a mile in the other direction before turning around and running back to her starting point. By the time she’s bent over, hands on her knees, huffing out breath while her legs burn pleasantly, the sun has emerged fully from the ocean, and Logan is beginning to wish she had worn a visor.

She takes a moment to appreciate the sensory experiences of being on a nearly-abandoned beach: the scent of salt water, the sound of waves crashing against sand, the errant cries of gulls squabbling over fish. Their little beach is not nearly pristine enough for a tourist attraction, and too far north along the Atlantic coast to be warm year-round. Still, Logan loves it, and cannot imagine living anywhere else.

She hunts along the water’s edge as she walks, briefly, a cool-down before the bike ride home. She finds a few things worth photographing, a few crabs to shoo back into the ocean, and a few things worth gathering: an intact clam shell whose smooth curve runs unbroken from the heel of her palm to the tip of her index finger when she lays it flat in her hand, a light gray rock worn smooth by the waves that turns dark-gray-almost-black when wet, a small spiral shell that she thinks may have broken off of the top of a snail shell. Logan wraps all three things carefully in a small handkerchief from the little bag she keeps in her bike basket, pulling out her phone to note the time (8:37 AM) and the message notification flashing at her.

[from: ginny<3]

dunno why you insist on being a morning person. stop by the dunkin on your way back and get us breakfast?

[to: ginny<3]

You had Dunkin for breakfast three times this week. You should consume something healthy.

[from: ginny <3]

>:( >:( >:( >:(

[from: ginny <3]

counterpoint: you bringing me dunkin is better than me not eating breakfast at all. which is the alternative because i do not want to get up and prepare anything

[to: ginny <3]

Your womanly wiles will not work on me in regards to Dunkin breakfast.

[from: ginny <3]

bitch (affectionate)

[to: ginny <3]

Would you like me to make you breakfast on my return, beloved?

[from: ginny <3]

. . .

[from: ginny <3]

will you make me an omelette? with all the cheesy goo an shit?

[to: ginny <3]

I will make you an omelette with some degree of “cheese goo.”

Logan slides her phone into her pocket, huffing out a laugh at her girlfriend’s behavior, and hops onto her bike again.

*~*~*~*~*

“Your omelettes are always so much better than mine,” Virginia says, moaning as she sinks her teeth into an enormous bite of egg and cheese. Logan, calmly dicing bell peppers to mix into her own omelette, smiles.

“All food tastes better when it is prepared by someone who is not you.”

“You’ve clearly never had anything the twins have cooked.” Virginia takes another bite, pops a multivitamin into her mouth, and chases it down with a gulp of milk. “Besides, it tastes better because you made it.”

“I am not the most accomplished chef in the world, certainly, but I am glad you enjoy my cooking.”

Virginia laughs softly. “Lo, I like your food because it’s prepared by someone who loves me. I can taste the love in everything you make for me.”

Logan turns back to her peppers to hide her blush. “Love is not a measurable ingredient when cooking.” Virginia laughs again, louder this time; when Logan sets the knife down, she hears Virginia’s chair scrape out behind her as she stands, feels her arms wrap around her waist, feels the cool skin of her face press into her neck.

“Love you.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Stressful day at work?” Logan asks, hearing the door slam.

Virginia kicks off her flats, sending them flying into the wall with a clatter. Logan sets down her crochet project and moves toward the entrance of their house, where Virginia is shrugging off her rainjacket to reveal a mint-green Peter Pan-collared blouse and dark gray dress pants. “The stressiest.”

Logan takes the jacket and shakes it out on the tiled entranceway before hanging it on the hook. “I am sorry, beloved.”

“Lots of assessments, lots of parents who don’t understand why I’m assessing their kid, lots of parents insisting that there’s nothing wrong with their kid, or that there’s no way their kid could possibly have the deficits that I’m seeing. Like, I wouldn’t make this shit up, you know? Literally, let me help your child. You came to me, remember? I’m not in the habit of imposing myself onto people.”

“That sounds very stressful,” Logan says. She tries to picture a life where she spends all her time interacting with people she doesn’t know on a regular basis instead of her little corner of the university biochemistry lab where she only has to interact with three or four known people and her immediate supervisor, mostly by email. It sends icy fingers skittering down her spine.

“It is, I hate it. I mean, Kitty’s my supervisor until I get my C’s, so if I have problems I can consult with her, but like . . . why are people the way that they are.”

Logan stretches up and presses a gentle kiss to Virginia’s cheek. “I love you, Ginny.”

Virginia exhales and folds herself around Logan, draping her body over her girlfriend and going limp and boneless. “I don’t wanna be a real person for the rest of the night.”

“That can be arranged.”

“But it’s my night to make dinner.”

“I do not mind switching and having you make dinner tomorrow,” Logan says. “This is an acceptable deviation from the routine.” Virginia pushes her face into Logan’s neck, and Logan nuzzles the side of her head, and she sighs like the entire world has lifted off her chest.

*~*~*~*~*

(This is how it starts:

Logan, taking a class on British literature in her sophomore year because she needs to meet her core requirements. Logan, meeting Rosie, disagreeing with her on almost every single point she raises in class, hating when they’re paired up for their midterm project but earning the best grade in the class overall. Logan, seeing a text from Rosie about how her housemate needs people to participate in a research study for extra credit. Logan, making the long trek down to the health sciences building and seeing Virginia for the first time, thinking that she’s pretty and not knowing that she’ll be thinking that for the rest of her life.)

*~*~*~*~*

“Hello, gorgeous,” Virginia hums.

“Are you talking to me or to the mint plant?” Logan says, aggressively stabbing her pointer finger against the Delete key. It clacks loudly, and she mutters an insult under her breath. “I am going to set myself on fire. I swear to god, I am.”

“Obviously the mint plant,” Virginia says, turning and dropping a kiss on Logan’s head. “You okay, honey?” Logan grumbles more and shoves the laptop away from her with a disgruntled noise. Virginia moves the laptop away and leans over to kiss her forehead.

“I am trying to politely word an email whose essence boils down to, ‘If you do not send me my fucking samples in a timely manner, I am going to be forced to commit an Atrocity the likes of which this earth has never seen’,” Logan says.

Virginia laughs so hard that she sits down on the tiled kitchen floor, wiping tears from her eyes. “You are so funny,” she wheezes. Logan feels her irritation fade a little under the brightness of her girlfriend’s joy. “Let me see the email, I’m good at professional bullshitting.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Braid my hair!” Rosie says, throwing herself down onto the couch. Logan lifts her laptop up just in time to keep Rosie’s head from slamming into the keyboard.

“Ginny is your best bet for braids, Rosie. I have limited experience.”

“It doesn’t have to be fancy, It just has to be off my neck.”

Logan saves her document and sets her laptop on the coffee table, poking at Rosie’s ribs until she slides onto the floor and settles cross-legged between Logan’s thighs. “A comb and some hair-ties would be appreciated.”

“REMUS!” Rosie shouts.

“WHAT?”

“BRING ME A BRUSH AND SOME HAIR BANDS!”

“GET YOUR OWN!”

“I’m going to kill that man,” Rosie mutters, rolling to her feet. There are suspicious muffled thumping noises from the other room for a few minutes before Rosie emerges, victorious, hair somehow even messier than it was in the first place.

“You are the single loudest person I have ever met,” Logan sighs, taking the comb and the hair ties and beginning to drag it through Rosie’s curls. Rosie winces, just a little, at the pull of the comb, and Logan tries to be more gentle.

“Thank you!”

“I did not say that was a compliment.

“Hey!”

*~*~*~*~*

Logan tugs her sweatshirt sleeves down from where she’d rolled them up previously, shivering a little. Part of her wishes that she had worn leggings instead of capris as she drags the folding chair a little closer to the bonfire, toes dragging through the still-sun-warmed sand. The speaker set up on the food table blasts some sort of current pop music, and Rosie and Poppy dance around each other, chanting the lyrics at each other. They are both very loud and very off-key and, Logan suspects, fairly drunk as well. Remus is in the ocean (definitely buzzed, potentially naked) and Jan is standing at the edge of the ocean, watching to make sure he stays alive.

“Hey,” someone says, low and rumbling in her ear. Logan does not flinch (just barely) and turns to see Virginia, holding a plastic cup with a poorly-drawn sketch of the state of Virginia on it. Her hair is starting to come loose from its messy bun, and her sweater sleeves keep sliding down over her wrists and nearly dunking into her drink, and her breath smells sweet and alcoholic. When she lifts her hand to Logan’s cheek, her fingers are cool, and Logan shivers.

“How’s my girl?” Virginia asks.

“Cold,” Logan answers honestly. Virginia laughs, tipping her head back and exposing the long strip of her neck. Logan wants to lick it.

“You’re adorable,” Virginia says, leaning in and pressing her mouth against Logan’s ear. Her breath is warm and slightly damp. “So pretty, my Logan, and so smart. I bet you know exactly what chemical compounds are making the flames turn that color, hmmm?”

Logan can feel her face burning hotter than the bonfire, but Virginia just sits languidly in her lap, feet propped up on the armrest. Her toes are painted pale purple, and the glitter sparkles in the firelight.

“How many drinks have you had?” Logan asks.

“Enough to feel all tingly,” Virginia says, swirling whatever’s in her cup. “How many have you had?”

“None,” Logan answers honestly. Virginia leans her head against Logan’s shoulder, and her wispy frizz tickled Logan’s nose. She sneezes, and Virginia giggles in the high-pitched, superficial way she only giggles when she gets really, really drunk.

“You sound so cute when you sneeze.”

“I do not.”

“Of course you do,” and now Virginia is looking at her, eyes glowing warm in the firelight. “You sound cute when you do anything. You’re cute when you exist. You’re cute no matter what. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

Logan hates the taste of alcohol, but she leans in and kisses Virginia anyway.

*~*~*~*~*

“Lo.”

“Hmmm?”

“Pick a color.”

“What?”

“I’m painting my toes again. Pick a color for me.”

Logan flops over onto her stomach, staring at the neat row of creme polishes sitting on their ottoman. Virginia’s bare feet are propped up in front of them, spread apart awkwardly with neon lemon gel toe spreaders, and she studies the nail polish like she’s trying to determine which vial isn’t poisoned.

“I like that one,” she says finally, pointing to a pale pink polish the color of the flowers Virginia brought her on their first date. Virginia hums, picking the bottle up and tilting it critically in the light.

“Not the one I would have picked, but I said you could pick, so I guess we’re doing it.”

Virginia tosses some bottles of toppers (or “tacos” as she calls them, slang from one of the YouTubers she likes) onto the bed while she paints her toes, and Logan sifts through them to settle on a blue-yellow iridescent one.

“I do not know how you can get behind wearing something called a Unicorn Skin,” Logan says. Virginia just shrugs and plucks the bottle from her hand. Their fingers overlap - Logan’s warm from where they’ve been tucked under her body, Virginia’s cool from where they’ve been gripping the glass bottle. Impulsively, Logan lifts Virginia’s fingers and kisses the tips.

“You’re going to smear the polish,” Virginia mutters, even though she painted her fingers earlier today and they’ve been dry for a while. She doesn’t bother to yank her fingers away, either, so Logan kisses them again.

*~*~*~*~*

“Logan!”

Logan is fully aware that the only thing keeping Poppy from crashing into her like a floral-sundress-covered cannonball is the casserole dish in her hands. She counts her blessings and steps aside to let Poppy in.

“Where’s Jan?”

“Getting something from the car! It’s my turn to drive us home, so she brought something to drink.”

Jan primly kicks the passenger side door shut with her heeled ankle boots, a bottle of wine grasped by the neck in each hand.

“I hope you do not intend to drink both of those in their entirety tonight,” Logan says. Jan rolls her eyes and offers one of the bottles to her.

“This one is a gift for you and Ginia. The other one is for me.”

“None for Poppy?”

“Poppy is the designated driver, so she will not be drinking. And I know she already told you that.” Logan rolls her eyes, and Jan flips her off. “Are you going to invite me in or not?”

“What are you, a vampire?” Virginia shouts from the kitchen.

“Only one of us dresses like the undead, darling, and it isn’t me,” Jan calls back, stepping into the house. “Are the twins here yet?”

“They cannot attend. Remus has orchestra practice and Rosie is teaching a dance class. You already knew both of these facts, because you are in the group text.”

“I am not.”

“You responded to a message in the group thread fifteen minutes ago.”

“That was the NSA agent assigned to monitor me.”

“You are a liar.”

“What else is new?”

*~*~*~*~*

groupchat name: be gay do crime

soda poppy: hey every1! DONUT 4get to make ur bakesale goodies and drop them off at r house by 7 am on fri!

lo tide: Please use normal words. I am begging you.

snesbian (snake lesbian): then beg.

lo tide: I do not recall asking for your opinion.

snesbian (snake lesbian): and yet i give it to you anyway. am i not generous

virgin: if you don’t stop making fun of my gf i swear to god

virgin: also remus if you don’t stop changing my name i’m gonna end you

virgin has changed their name to gin(ny) and tonic!

gin(ny) and tonic: much better anyway

violets are blue rosie is me: i believe you meant anygay

gin(ny) and tonic: i said what i fucking said

ace attorney irl: you changed your name :(

gin(ny) and tonic: every day the Lord regrets giving all of us mod powers in this chat

snesbian (snake lesbian): i have no such regrets

lo tide: Can we circle back to the bake sale, please?

soda poppy: Whatchu wanna kno???

lo tide: I assume it is school related?

soda poppy: yep!

soda poppy: fundraising 4 this year’s art club field trip! since im the faculty advisor im in charge of approving and setting up 4 the fundraisers

lo tide: I see. And why, exactly, is it our responsibility to make things for this fundraiser? Should it not be the students’ responsibility?

soda poppy: they r makin stuff 4 it but also i gotta make sure some of the stuff will b edible yknow

lo tide: I see.

gin(ny) and tonic: listen i know that jan is like. a professional pastry chef an shit. but i’m not making anything fancy like a cheesecake or smthn

gin(ny) and tonic: i’m making like. fuckin brownies

snesbian (snake lesbian): smh don’t you care about the Children at all?

gin(ny) and tonic: no. they’re not my kids

ace attorney irl: i will make cookies

soda poppy: u cannot make them inappropriate shapes

ace attorney irl: :(

violets are blue rosie is me: do not worry, i will make sure they are an appropriate shape

violets are blue rosie is me: i’ll make cupcakes!

lo tide: I believe I have a recipe for lemon squares that I can make. Will lemon squares be sufficient?

soda poppy: yeah! just keep ur stuff free of common allergens like tree nuts

gin(ny) and tonic: so my plan to just yeet you a bag of reese’s peanut butter cups and call it a contribution is out then

*~*~*~*~*

Virginia throws a box of brownie mix into the cart and dusts her hands off. “There. Done.”

Logan raises an eyebrow.

“Don’t give me that look, we have the rest of the ingredients at home. We have tap water, we have oil, we have eggs, we don’t need anything else. What do we need for your lemon thingies?”

“Lemons, presumably.”

“You’re a comedian,” Logan deadpans. Virginia flips her off, and then leans in to kiss her cheek. “I do need lemons, though. Lemons, more eggs . . . I have a list in my phone.”

“What phone?” Virginia says, dangling Logan’s galaxy-patterned case above her head. “I think you’re too short for this, Lo.”

“Give me my phone,” Logan says, rolling her eyes. Virginia wiggles it above her head, laughing.

“Maybe you should give me something in return.”

“Like what?”

Virginia grins. “Like a kiss, perhaps?”

Logan rolls her eyes again, but she leans in and kisses Virginia gently, swiping her phone back when Virginia lowers her hand to cup her face. “Thank you for paying the toll, sweetheart.”

“You are ridiculous,” Logan says. It doesn’t stop her from gently kissing Virginia’s cheek before pushing the cart down the aisle again.

*~*~*~*~*

groupchat name: be gay do crime

lo tide: What time did you want us to drop off the baked goods, Poppy?

soda poppy: if ur gonna b in the area, u can just drop them off at my house!

ace attorney irl: i made some of the shapes inappropriate but those ones r 4 u and jan

soda poppy: what did u make 4 the bake sale?

ace attorney irl: . . .

soda poppy: what did u make 4 the children, remus.

ace attorney irl: nothin’ too crazy! jan had some normal summer shapes - suns, flip flops, etc. etc. used those

soda poppy: :D thx remus!

ace attorney irl: made some fishies too! but the octopi are just for u an jan.

ace attorney irl: i . . . may have painted dicks on them

soda poppy: well at least u warned me right

*~*~*~*~*

“Did you get the right kind of popcorn?” Logan asks.

“If by ‘the right kind’ you mean ‘your favorite kind,’ then yes, I did,” Virginia says, coming into the living room with a large yellow bowl full of fluffy popcorn. “What are we watching tonight? It’s your turn to pick, isn’t it?”

“Gay fish,” Logan says.

Virginia sets the popcorn on the coffee table and blinks at her. “That is . . . quite the description of Finding Nemo, sweetheart.”

“Not Finding Nemo, Ginny. Luca. It’s new, and it’s not explicitly gay, but there is a very obvious queer reading. I thought we could watch it together.”

“Anything with you sounds wonderful.”

“Sap,” Logan mutters. She leans in to kiss Virginia’s cheek, but Virginia turns at the last moment and presses their lips together.

“Are you sure you want to watch a movie?” she says. “We could just make out instead, if you want.” She pushes gently on Logan’s stomach, guiding her to lay on her back on the couch. Virginia lays on top of her, gently sliding a hand to rest warm and heavy on her stomach. She leans forward, pressing a gentle kiss to Logan’s neck, and then her jaw, and then rubbing their noses together.

“Tonight is movie night,” Logan says. Virginia presses their mouths together, and Logan hums, gently pressing up into the kiss. “We should be watching a movie.”

“Are you sure?” Virginia says. “I think we should pursue this avenue a little further.”

Logan squirms a little. “I - I would not - um - no, thank you.”

Virginia’s eyes, which were hazing over with something, clear as she blinks. “Okay, sweetheart.” She leans back, sits up, pulls Logan into a sitting position. “Are you alright?”

“I’m okay,” she says. “I just - I am not in the mood for that tonight. If that is okay.”

“Of course it’s okay,” Virginia says. She holds out a hand, and Logan takes it. Virginia kisses the back of it before settling herself on the couch. “I am so proud of you for expressing a boundary and telling me you were uncomfortable. I know that expressing boundaries is something that we’re both working on, and you did a wonderful job. Tell me what you want, Lo. Please?”

“I would like a kiss,” Logan says. “Just one. And then I would like to cuddle, and - and I would like us to watch Luca together. Is that acceptable?”

Virgil nods. “Of course, love. Come here, hmmm?” Logan settles next to her, and Virginia gently cups her cheek and presses their mouths together. “I love you, Logan. So much. Of course we can watch Luca now.”

Virginia lays an arm along the top of the couch, allowing Logan to cuddle up against her and rest her head on her chest. “I love you,” Logan says softly.

“I love you too, sweetpea.”

*~*~*~*~*

Logan rolls over, yawning, and feels a small weight displace itself from her thighs. She blinks awake slowly, lifting her head and pushing her curtain of curls aside to reveal a black cat mewing at her grumpily before settling into a sushi roll beside her.

“Did I wake you? I am sorry, Galileo . . .”

Galileo settles against her, purring softly, while the ash-grey cat at the foot of the bed pads slowly up to curl on Virginia’s back. “That’s your favorite spot, isn’t it, Andromeda?” The cat emits a soft “mrrrp” before settling back down to sleep. Logan yawns, smiles, and gently strokes her hears. “What should we do, girls? Shall we stay awake and be productive members of society?”

Neither cat responds, and Logan looks at Virginia. She’s haloed in the morning light, eyes tightly shut, mouth hanging open, drool leaking into a puddle on the pillow. She snores a little - one, two, three snorts before settling back into a deep sleep.

“No,” Logan decides, “we shall not.” She lays back down, gently nudging Galileo a few inches over so that she can snuggle up to Virginia. Galileo stretches out, pressing a paw directly into Logan’s cheek. Logan shoves her, and she resettles onto Logan’s feet with an indignant noise.

“You can sleep by my face when you do not kick my face,” Logan mutters, curling into her love.

*~*~*~*~*

groupchat name: be gay do crime

soda poppy: r u all comin 2 the bake sale 2morrow?!

lo tide: I was under the impression that we were only providing the baked goods. Is it not for the students at the school?

soda poppy: we got waaaayyyy more stuff than we thought so we r havin a 2nd bakesale 2morrow 4 parents an stuff!

soda poppy: we r gonna need sum help with setup though . . .

lo tide: Poppy, please do not even -

soda poppy: 🥺🥺🥺 p l e a s e

lo tide: Poppy.

snesbian (snake lesbian): logan

lo tide: If I agree to stop and pick up coffee for everyone, will that motivate you all to turn out?

violets are blue rosie is me: i’m always a slut for free coffee

lo tide: I’m sorry, where did I say that this would be free?

violets are blue rosie is me: D:<

ace attorney irl: eh i’m down for it. where you swingin’ by?

soda poppy: there’s a panera p close 2 where the bake sale is!!! it’s gonna b at the morning girl’s basketball game

lo tide: Does anyone have any issues with Panera coffee?

violets are blue rosie is me: nah. large iced coffee, add three ounces of half and half, two pumps of sugar syrup, two pumps of vanilla, and caramel drizzle.

ace attorney irl: complicated bitch much?

violets are blue rosie is me: why must the cain instinct betray me like this

ace attorney irl: the cain instinct started when we stole each other’s genders in the womb

violets are blue rosie is me: this is true this is true but you’re still a bitch

ace attorney irl: large hazelnut coffee, two sugars, please

snesbian (snake lesbian): large dark roast, black

soda poppy: medium decaf coffee, two ounces of almond milk, and two pumps of sugar syrup!

gin(ny) and tonic: large caramel latte

lo tide: You . . . are going to ride in the car with me to pick up the coffee, we can order our own coffees. I do not need your order, love.

lo tide: But I appreciate the information <3 <3

*~*~*~*~*

“We come bearing gifts,” Virginia announces loudly. “And by gifts, I mean we bought a baker’s dozen of cinnamon crunch bagels for everybody.”

“Well, there are twelve cinnamon crunch bagels and one plain bagel, bagged separately, for me,” Logan corrects, expertly balancing two coffee trays with a bagel container. “Also, we made more brownies.”

Poppy looks up from where she’s instructing two high-schoolers on how to hang a sign properly and grins, waving brightly. Jan is leaning on the table, hand on her head, sipping at a water bottle.

“Vodka or whiskey?” Logan asks dryly, handing over Jan’s black coffee. Jan blinks at her, flips her off, and drains a long swig from her cup.

“Water. Partied a little too hard with Remy last night, and now I’m hungover as shit.”

“We suspected as much, which is why we brought you an extra coffee.”

“Lifesaver,” Jan says, knocking back another long drag of coffee before taking a sip of her water bottle. (Logan suspects the bottle is actually Poppy’s, due to the sun-shiney stickers plastered all over it.) “You and Poppy both. But if you tell anyone that, I’ll gut you like a fish."

“No, you won’t,” Logan says, turning to hand Rosie and Remus their respective drinks. “You never do.”

Jan flips her off, but Virginia comes up behind her and leans her forehead against her shoulder. Logan turns, kissing her forehead, and smiles.

Life is good today, she thinks. Life is good.

(screen names!

virgin -> gin(ny) and tonic; ginny <3 = virginia (virgil)

lo tide = logan

snesbian (snake lesbian) = jan (janus)

soda poppy = poppy (patton)

ace attorney irl = remus

violets are blue rosie is me = rosie (roman) (thanks to @rosesisupposes for letting me borrow your screen name for this!)

[postsforposting]

Let me explain this a little better in the context of the show rather than just the choice picked out here. The characters--not "what you're supposed to think", but the characters--choose to call it a moral obligation. The usual plot of Trek episodes is to give you a problem and by the end the characters tell you what the "right" solution, the "right" moral choice for this situation, is supposed to be according to the values of the show.

But DS9 isn't like that, it's not that simple. They don't just give you a problem and the right solution, they show you why it's hard and why there's actually a choice involved, what can go wrong. Consider the famous episode In the Pale Moonlight and Sisko's monologue:

So… I lied. I cheated. I bribed men to cover the crimes of other men. I am an accessory to murder. But the most damning thing of all… I think I can live with it. And if I had to do it all over again - I would. Garak was right about one thing: a guilty conscience is a small price to pay for the safety of the Alpha Quadrant. So I will learn to live with it… Because I can live with it… I can live with it… Computer - erase that entire personal log.

What on EARTH are you supposed to do with that?? Was it right to do what he did? Is it right simply because he recognizes the cost and suffers for it? Does that make it okay, then? That flies in the face of everything that TOS claimed.

Was there no true answer here? Nothing that was clearly in the right, no one who was clearly in the wrong?

It's not trying to say Trek is actually a facade and a lie. It's trying to say this isn't easy, and this is what it looks like for everyone who doesn't have the ability to choose their own path, to just walk away as they please, to make their own way and have all their wants satisfied--DS9 is about the consequences after the fancy Main Characters move on, about what happens for everyone else after the heroes leave.

What does this have to do with the twilight zone future/past descendants?

It's not about a simple "here is a problem, here is what is right". It's about the characters feeling like they're being trapped and forced into something they initially do not want, told that what they want will murder 8000 people. They still refuse to stay, because they rightly know that it's not murder to not create a person in the first place.

Why does this conviction change?

They get to know the people. They form attachments to the existing people who can't exist unless the crew choose to create them. That's an emotional change, not a moral one. When you get attached to something, you have a harder time telling it no, destroying it, even when your "destruction" is not wrong and you have no obligation to help. Even Miles changes his mind when he spends times with them. Nerys specifically says that she is choosing to die and to stay because the families that could exist if they all left "do not exist yet, and these people [on the planet] do". That is completely nonsensical! Either the people who don't exist matter or they do, whether you have met them can't factor into that. That is what a moral obligation is. The future Dax symbiont makes the same claim about why Nerys has to die and why it doesn't matter that she could be saved in this version of events: she's already 200 years dead to him, and he's already long accepted her death, that she must die--but again that's not a logical factor in a moral obligation, if you can save someone now then you can't demand they die.

You have a harder time standing by and letting things happen.....and that's very Trek at its core, just from the other side of things than we usually see: usually, doing nothing gets people killed and hurt, and you're obligated to interfere to stop the harm; but here, you're obligated to be the one who suffers, who gives up their life, so that others may have theirs--not because of any harm you will prevent, but because your choice to suffer or not is the very thing that allows them to exist. It's a look at how the need to help can go wrong, even when your action does no harm to anyone but yourself. Are you obligated to harm yourself so that people who do not exist can benefit from that harm?

Must you set yourself on fire so that others can benefit from your burning?

Look at who doesn't get to know anyone. Who's still there at the end, unchanged? Alone? Odo. Odo does not make any emotional ties to the descendants, because he has none. There is only himself, and his emotional ties to the original crew, to Nerys. He's the one to fix the ship, and that's deliberate. He's the one to save Nerys, to make the call that what happens now does matter just as much--more than--the future. If the entire point of Trek is to say that when you can prevent harm you should, and prevented harm matters more than saying you're sorry, then "future" Odo preventing the crew from ever having the accident that strands them, because of his emotional ties, is at the very least a comparable choice to staying,

The show specifically does not tell you what choice is the proper one, it goes to lengths to make this look like a hard dilemma. The point of a lot of DS9 is to ask, do we know, how can we tell, and to point out how hard things actually are compared to the simplistic presentations of stuff like TOS. You could say that Odo's choice had to be made because there would not be a show if it wasn't. But based on the rest of Trek, it was the proper choice--because people cannot die if they never existed in the first place. There is specifically an episode in TOS, the Mark of Gideon, about abortion and contraceptives:

Hodin: "We are incapable of destroying or interfering with the creation of that which we love so deeply. Life, in every form, from fetus to developed being. It is against our tradition, against our very nature. We simply could not do it." Kirk: "Yet you can kill a young girl."

That's the same idea here: you can't kill those people but you can kill your own friend and damn your own selves? How does volunteering for it make it any different?

So yea, it's a twilight zone, and they try to make it look like a real hard dilemma--and it is! It's really hard to look someone in the face and have to feel negative emotions about your decisions, have to argue them, be made to feel like you're doing something wrong--when it's a clear cut moral choice. It's hard emotionally, it's not hard morally. The whole point is that emotions make it hard, emotions make things muddy, even when it's NOT. That's why they had everyone choose to get involved with people or not, and change their minds only after getting involved--and why Odo, who did not get involved, the sole person to retain involvement with the original crew, was the one to force the choice. This isn't about what's "right". It's about what happens and why. It's about whether you can live with it....and when faced with that, most people can't handle being made to feel like shit, even when the facts are on their side.

How does that affect things? People abandon their families and lives. People make choices they shouldn't. What's right is no longer clear and becomes subjective.

Child of Time is literally a twilight zone episode.

The episode where the crew of ds9 finds a colony made up of their descendants after they get stranded on a planet, 200 years ago?

Cuz the crew has to accept that they'll be stranded on a planet in order to save the colony from vanishing, having never existed.

And the ethical dilemma is like, well if we leave, we can go back to our lives...but if we don't leave, we're stuck here...for the rest of our lives...

But we would be saving 8000 people from never existing...

And in the end they do the ethically right thing, I guess. They decide to strand themselves, because 48 lives vs 8000, who will literally "die."

But when they vanish anyway, because Odo fixed the ship so they could leave, it's like...welp.

That was fucked up. That was super fucked up.

I guess we'll be haunted by this for the rest of our lives.

Anyway these are the voyages...

[twistedmusings]

AHHHH IM NOT LATE RIGHT??? RIGHT?? 🗿🗿🗿 can I request pretty please with cherry on top for Jade with the angst prompt “Shame on myself for believing you in the first place.” cause i love to hurt myself AHAHA BARK BARK GRRR THANK YOUU AND CONGRATS *sending hugs and kiths*

A/N: The writer would like to apologize since I kinda did change the wording a bit but solely cause I wanted to make this sad for BOTH parties. Hopefully the angst paid off u wu 

Jade Leech 

“Do I just place them in a bucket or can they grow on a log?” 

Jade chuckles as he takes your hand, guiding your wrist towards a small spore. 

“I think a terrarium would best, Prefect. Mushrooms always need room to grow and if you give them too little a space they may start to die.” 

He smiles when he sees your worried look towards the one you had just sliced off from his collection, jotting down the tip that he had given you on the pad of paper on the table. It was rather nice to see the page filled with your handwriting, each line talking about the proper way to take care of a mushroom. 

How much water to give it. 

The humidity they needed to be grown in. 

How many you could grow in one terrarium. 

The vice dorm leader felt a sense of pride as he watched you listen closely, taking his time in explaining each process so that he could see the way your eyes would shine as you saw just how alive these things were. This sort of thing was exciting for him too, he didn’t expect you to come up to him one day and ask if he could teach you how to grow mushrooms but he had been more than eager to let you in on his little hobby. 

It was a good way to spend more time with you anyway. 

Jade wanted to say he hated the way he would stare at himself in the reflection of the windows in the greenhouse, fixing his hair a little before looking at you when you asked another question. He didn’t necessarily care too much about his appearance before but with the way you would stare at him and compliment whatever happened to catch your eye, Jade would feel a familiar curiosity wash over him and he wondered just what you would say about him the next time you two meet. 

Your eyes became more discerning the more you two spent time together and the curiosity turned to happiness as you two sought out more ways to hang out with each other. 

Which was good for him, it gave him the excuse to see your crush on him growing day by day. 

You weren’t exactly the best at hiding your feelings. 

Still, that was a rather endearing trait about you. He liked the way you were so open about stuff with him despite your first meeting. You didn’t view him as the scary Leech twin but just as Jade Leech, the eel merman who happened to have a penchant towards growing mushrooms and going on wilderness hikes. 

Maybe it was because he had shown you a side of himself that others didn’t see that made you fall for him. 

Not that he was complaining, in fact, he blamed himself for letting these feelings inside of you grow. 

Jade wouldn’t stop them, didn’t want to stop them. He wanted to be the first thought you had in the morning and the last thought you had at night. The way your cheeks burned the first time he grazed your hand, he wanted that burning sensation to stay with you always whenever he was close by. 

He wanted you to think about him and him only and could say with great assurance that it was highly likely that you thought this way about him already...

But you couldn’t promise anything. 

Despite how you two could talk for hours, despite how you many secrets or inside jokes you shared, you wouldn’t be able to promise anything. 

You weren’t from around here. 

The story of the Little Mermaid aside, the one difference between you and him was the one thing that he knew would most likely kill whatever relationship the two of you could have. Land and sea could be easy to overcome, once Jade was dedicated to something he would see it through. 

And he was more than ready to be dedicated to you. 

But two different worlds...

“Uhm. Jade?” 

Your voice calls him back to the present, Jade giving you a smile and asking what you needed help with. Yet you shook your head and pushed the notepad away, taking a deep breathe as you turned to face him with a determined look on your face. 

“I--Thank you so much for showing me all of this.” 

“It’s been a pleasure.” he replies. 

“I know its not easy teaching me the proper way of doing this and we don’t know if these kinds of mushrooms would even grow where I am from but--I still want to try!” you inch closer to him, “I want it to be like a memento from my time here...with you.” 

Your hand rests close to his. 

“So...” you laugh but there is no joy behind your eyes, just worry, “I just...I know there is still no way for me getting back home and I don’t know when I will even be able to go back home but I was thinking that maybe with the time we have now, we could--” 

The sound of the fairies in the garden grows quiet as Jade presses his lips against yours, the sound of your nails delicately scraping the wood as you clenched your first far too loud now that all your senses had been heightened. Your eyes were still open, why were your hands still at your sides! Just wrap them---

Jade pulls away before you can make your move, smiling as he cups your cheek with one hand. 

“You shouldn’t tempt me with your offer, Prefect. Despite how much I want to spend my time with you in a different context...a part of me feels that I might do something rash once it is time for you to go home.”

He knew himself, if he got you in the way he wanted you then he wouldn’t dare let you go. It was his first love and to lose it in such a way...well he wouldn’t allow himself to lose it in the first place. 

“But we could do something! Text! Calling! I just...” you press his hand closer to your face, pressing your mouth on it so that he could feel your lips on his fingers, “I just like you so much it hurts...” 

Praise be to the Sea Witch that he was keeping himself in check when all he wanted to do was just take you in his arms once again.  “Prefect...” he whispers as he brings you closer, wrapping his arms around you as a sob finally breaks free from you, “It would be a shame on myself I believed you in the first place...if I believed that this could work...” 

“It can--!” 

The way those words left your throat let Jade know that even you didn’t believe that. You were smart, you knew that the moment you went back there would be no way to get you back...back to him. 

So all he could do was hold you close as you wrapped your arms around him, burying your face in his chest and adorning it with your tears. It was the least he could let you do for letting these feelings grow inside of you.

He should have stopped them from the beginning. 

[batmansymbol]

hi riley! read this recently and would love to get ur perspective on this as a YA author https://tinyletter.com/misshelved/letters/did-twitter-break-ya-misshelved-6

hi anon! yeah, i read this the day it was posted. thoughts/supplementary essay below.

firstly, i'd put a big "I AGREE" stamp across this essay. i think it's well-cited and thoughtful, and i agree with pretty much everything in it. i especially appreciate it for introducing me to the terms "context collapse" and "morally motivated networked harassment" - seeing internet sociology studied and labeled is ... odd, but useful.

i left twitter in 2017, but i keep an eye on things, which seem similar now to the way they were four years ago. the essay describes the never-ending scrutiny, the need to seem perfect, and the pressure on writers to out themselves. all of that is spot-on. twitter is an outing machine. there is so much harassment and anger on the platform that in serious conversations, good-faith engagement becomes something that must be earned, rather than something that's expected. and in order to earn good faith, strangers expect you to offer up an all-access pass to who you are. otherwise, things might take a swift left turn into verbal abuse.

obviously twitter is a cesspit of harassment from racist, homophobic, and transphobic people, but i think the most painful harassment comes from within the community. i, and most people i know, wouldn't give a single minuscule little fuck if ben shapiro's entire army of ghouls came after us and told us we were destroying the sacred values of Old America or whatever. but the community at large does care about issues of racial justice and queer liberation and economic justice. which is why it's painful to see this supposed "community" eating its own over and over again.

how cruel can we be to people and pretend that we are their friends? that's the emotional crux of the essay to me. what we're doing to ourselves - people who do share our values and want to achieve the same goals - because this one platform is built on rewarding the quickest, most brutal, and most public response.

god forbid you don't have your identity figured out. god forbid you have an invisible disability, or are writing a story about something sensitive you've personally experienced but had an off-consensus reaction to. on twitter, if you are not a paragon of absolute and immediate clarity, you may as well be lower than dirt morally, because you're unable to do what the platform requires of you: air every private corner of your identity, up to and including your trauma, to justify not only your everyday actions and opinions but also your art.

(this is all honestly incompatible with interesting art, but i'll get to that in a bit.)

it doesn't take a genius to see how troubling this environment is when combined with twitter as a marketing tool. i remember that around the time of my debut, i'd tweet out threads of private, painful, personal stuff, which felt terrible to recount, but i'd watch the like count increase with this sense of catholic, confessional satisfaction. all of this was tied to the idea of my potential salability as a writer.

i was around 21 at the time. i felt a lot of pressure as a debut. i wanted people to like me and think i was exceptionally mature and confident. i wanted to do my job and build buzz for my book. i saw that all these publishing professionals and authors spent day in, day out angry and exhausted on twitter. every few days, a new person fifteen years older than me would say, "i can't take this anymore, i'm so fucking tired of this, i'm logging off for a while." i thought, well, this must be how online activism feels: like running on a sprained ankle.

i can still remember book after book after book that inspired blow-ups, big explanations, and simmering resentment: carve the mark (whose author was forced to admit that she suffered chronic pain after relentless criticism of that element), the black witch (a book explicitly about unlearning racism that was criticized for depicting ... racism), ramona blue (a book about a bi girl who thinks she's a lesbian but winds up in an m/f relationship, because she's still discovering her identity) ... etc

each book, each incident, followed the same pattern. firestorms of anger, a decision of where to place blame, the desperate need for a single consensus opinion in the community. i think a lot of people on book twitter see these as bugs inherent to the platform, but really, in twitter's eyes, they're features. the angrier and more upset twitter's userbase is, the more reliant they are on the platform.

i wound up leaving around the time i realized that not only was twitter making me anxious - NOT being on twitter was beginning to make me anxious, because of vaguely dread-infused tweets all around like "i'm seeing an awful lot of people who are staying silent about X. ... why are so many people who are so loud about X so silent about Y?" etc.

that shit is beyond poisonous. people will not always be logged on. the absence of someone's agreement does not mean disagreement. actually, someone's absence is not inherently meaningful, because it is the internet and silence is everyone's default position; internet silence in all likelihood means that that person is out in the universe doing other things.

this is already a ridiculously long response, so i'll try to wrap up. firstly, i think that progressive writers and readers have GOT to stop thinking that a correct consensus opinion can exist on every piece of fiction, and on every issue in general, and that if someone diverges from that consensus, they're incorrectly progressive.

secondly, i think that progressive writers and readers have got to uncouple the idea of a "book with good politics" from a good book, because 1) there are books about morally grimy, despicable subjects that help us process the landscape of human behavior, and

2) if, in your fiction, there is only one set of allowed responses for your protagonist, you will write the same person over and over and over again. you see this a lot in religious fiction. the person is not a human being but an expression of the creator's moral alignment. (not entirely surprising that this similarity to religious correctness might crop up with the current state of the movement. i read this piece around the time i left twitter and it shook me really, really deeply.)

i understand that in YA, there's a sensation of immense pressure because people want to model good politics and correct behavior for kids. this is a noble idea - and maybe twitter is great for people who want to be role models. but i've become more and more staunchly against the idea of artist as role model. the role of the writer is not to be emulated but to write fiction. and the role of fiction is not to read like something delivered from a soapbox, or to display some scrubbed-clean universe where each wrong is immediately identified as a wrong, and where total morality is always glowing in the backdrop. it's to put something human on paper, and as human beings, we might aspire to total morality, but we fall short again and again. honestly, that's what being on twitter showed me more clearly than anything.

[aidansanomalies]

The Californian Walker 

Nestled in the small province of Denny California, The Californian Walker is known currently for its niche internet rise to fame. Over the years 1849-2004 sightings had been recorded for this entity. I will be laying out the original report as a small summary and giving small quotes for context. 

Leslie Toole was a noblewoman in early settled America. Having married Henry Sherman Toole, a wealthy investor in technology, they moved to California in an attempt to participate in the gold rush. In August of 1849, the couple and their maidservant began a long night at what is now Denny. 

Recorded in the woman’s diary, she details the small campsite they built in an attempt to sleep. In the logs of her diaries she says, 

“As we settle here, thee and told to us (by Dr. Garner) I find myself a loss for words. The lodging built by Henry has allowed enough light to see this very page, but gave little else. The wind whistles and cracks with vigor but what it holds has me piqued. On this way, we came across a figure adorned in a dusted brown overcoat. It waxed and waned with the wind, but he says it is merely a trick of the light. Hunger must have gotten to me, I nearly swore it was looking at me.”

In the passage it is clear that Leslie Toole had encountered some sort of figure, or at least suffering from a bad case of dehydration. She goes on to explain her living conditions and the events in her social circle. It is two days later that the diary entries abruptly stop and give way to her most quoted line. 

“The figure appeared again today, this time closer than the last, The horses even spook as it groans out into the empty prairie. Henry still refuses it here, though Florence (The maidservant) believes it a native. We pray to the god whom has ordained our trip that we make it alive and in good spirits. I believe that is the only thing we have left now.”

With her lack of prior context in the diary, the entry proposes a few options. 

An entry is lost to time, presumed stolen or destroyed

There was never a note to begin with

The creature was later identified dozens of times through history with the same description. A few other accounts read as thus;

“It had an odd weird camel tone to it, the figure shifted and turned all inside itself, like something in the coat wouldn't rest. One might think it wasn't even a coat, almost like a sheet stuck tightly to someone's body.” (Mirrium Rynolds, 1956)

“It has no eyes. You know its watching you though, its that odd feeling on the back of your neck and when you turn it just stands there… and it keeps watching… keeps writhing in whatever skin its confined in.” ( Augustus Sharp 1978)

“My son saw it, he still sees it. He wont let us travel through (Denny) to visit my husbands parents because it cuts through there, an hour into the ride and he just… gets so quiet… Its so odd, he is the most lively of anyone in our family.” (Jessica Garett, 2003)

As for the nature of the creature, it doesn't seem hostile other than the original account. The main danger of this entity is the feeling that it watches you, or that you get the sense that its near. Attached above is the modern depiction of what the entity may be. As for theories, people often think of it as an entity. A cryptid devoted to an area and to ward anyone away from its land.

The land has no record of native involvement and no colonies during the 1840-50s. Denny is in the later outskirts of California and finds itself very barren and unremarkable from the surrounding wildlife and grounds. Most people who find this tale to be false rely on the narrative of hallucination given by lack of water, food, or a paranoia. While Leslie and any associated parties detailed have no history with mental health disorders, they had been traveling on the road for a few months until this point. 

My Theory

Demons often have territorial bouts, infesting land, homes, and building on a whim. It isn't incredibly unlikely that a demon unable to take a fully human form is staying put in an area located near a highway, scaring people over time and feeding on that horror it builds. Demons aren't all powerful on land, taking the forms of children or infesting items to give them form. Being under prepared and not powerful enough to fully form would explain the weird skin like sheen. 

In 1976 a priest named John Acres was recorded to have blessed the land in an attempt to cleanse it seemed unsuccessful. More reports later showed if anything, this stirred up activity even more as sightings became commonplace for the county police to file. Only 14 of these sightings have been confirmed and continue to stay a mystery. (Meaning the parties involved were proved to be in the places they claim when they claim them to happen)

Regardless, the Californian Walker continues to boggle the minds of locals, sleuths, and skeptics alike. 

Please contact me if you find evidence of more reports or know someone close to the case, any extra information would be greatly appreciated!

[sapphire-innit]

Saddest Beach Party Ever :(

Watch out for this one folks, it gets a bit dark -- mind the tags (though nothing outside of what you'd expect for.. this episode)

VOD: Tommy Is Left ALONE at his Exile Party with Dream (Start - 35:30)

(rp) I have Absolutely been putting off watching this one because I WILL cry and I am scared

I can't imagine what it was like to watch live and see NO ONE on the beach

He's keeping up a good face, adding more chairs... I'm not looking forward to it setting in.

like fuck man, fuck Dream for chasing of Ghostbur for MULTIPLE reasons but also because no one else even KNEW about the party :(

He's so excited about maybe seeing Tubbo I hate it Thanks

and now he's putting things down for Quackity and adding more things he's still so happy and excited (though you can occasionally see the mask break - there's a lot of nervous energy here)

"Where... no, well go place this" "why did Fundy leave the game" THANKS I HATE IT

Lazer and Fundy have been some of the people who have visited toooo :(

Tommy's face when no one is on the nether path.............. ouch

.............................................................................................

log off right now green demon

log off RIGHT NOW

just stewing in silence ..... painful....

cc!Tommy really is one of the best actors on the server, this hurts quite a bit

............

I know that's Dream joining the call and I hate it

fuck

"I'm running a little late, sorry :)" >:|

fuck, Tommy apologized and tossed his armor immediately INCLUDING HIS GIFT SHOES AND AXE, Dream didn't even ask

Dream of course taking the chance to be '''''''benevolent''''.... probably as a reward for Tommy doing it immediately and without prompting >:|

and ofc Dream just straight up lies about the invites to rub salt into the wound. Cant have Tommy thinking people CARE ABOUT HIM OR ANYTHING.

Even mentioned Tubbo SPECIFICALLY YOU BASTARD "in L'manburg" was that truly necessary bastard

the sun setting... a symbol of hope... the symbol of their friendship.... disappearing into the ocean... I hate it :(

Dream pushing him into eating the cake.. "I've lost my appetite"

just digging in that Tubbo For Sure got the Invite Definitely and no one came except Dream.

"I didn't mind being a little bit late because I thought everyone else would be here" why did he keep pointing out he was late, kept hammering that point home. Like even Dreams attention is not important to Dream? like it has to be earned maybe ..?

"No one cares about me anymore" "that's not true" *BREAKS CAKE* "None of them care about me anymore"

IS HE BREAKING THE PATH OHNOOO ;-;

"No one cares... other than You(Derogatory)"

"Maybe they had something more important" I hate how Dream hides his digs behind sounding consoling it fucking SUCKS

I hate how depressed he sounds, how resigned

....threw away the chicken, and he isn't eating or healing. I knew to watch out for it but its never been this pronounced before. He's down to three hearts ;-;

"I'm pretty sure he burned it, or lost it" I do not believe that for a SECOND Dream, or at least its not as clear cut as it seems. Tubbo CARES ABOUT TOMMY, I *JUST SAW* a clip of him holding the compass aaaaa

ohno

"at least SOMEONE on this entire 30 person server got an invite" "He said he was going to give it to at least 13 people, and at least one person I saw give it in person"

ohno

ohnooooooooooo

he really is gonna toss the compass isn't he nooooooooo

...............

staring into the lava again. "he burned it. On purpose"

Dream quibbling ... but doubling down i hate it

.......its just... so clear he's not only thinking about the compass in lava

Dream shooting at the Ghast,,, telling Tommy to sleep on it, coaxing him back from the edge "almost fell off, careful Tommy" I hate it here

"I don't sleep anymore Dream" "I just want to go home" "Please can I go home" he sounds so broken ;A;

"why can't I stay" :( :( :(

"It's not like they want you anyway Tommy. No one showed up to your party and everyone was invited" And THIS is why Dream tanked the party on purpose. Because if Tommy thinks no one even wants him, he won't even try to get back, and will just stay under Dreams control. There's such a mental and emotional difference and toll from "Outside forces (Dream) are keeping me from going home and maybe I can subvert or change them" and "Home doesn't want me and they're better off without me"

It truly is creepy how Dream is trying to coax him with the Christmas tree, like he's trying to pull this balancing act because he can tell Tommy is on the edge of really giving up and I hate it so much

He still hasn't eaten

"c'monn you want to see the Christmas tree :)" overwriting his feelings as well ugh

"I'm sure if you asked them, they'd say they care about you" I see you invalidating any future concern someone might show him

ALSO TOMMY CALLING EXILE HOME IS SURE SOMETHING

.....him asking Dream to defend him is... painful. Especially having just watched the latest stream where he asked the same of Tubbo right after being triggered as hell ugh. He really has gotten used to being made helpless and depending on Dream, even on the one day he didn't get his armor and weapons taken away from him. He sounds so resigned :(

(( LOL OK THE DNF JOKE WAS PRETTY FUNNY THO))

he's bribing him with the trident and I hate it. Though at least hes enjoying it??? Mixed feelings on that. He ate too and I hate that Dreams honeymoon stage is w o r k i n g )

that is the most sincere I have ever heard Tommy say Dream cares about him and it FUCKING SUCKS

I know we never could have had "Happy Party AU" because Dream never would have allowed people to come and validate Tommy but man Trident tricks w everyone would have been nice

...lol someone pointed out the red looks like blood. the fake girlfriend bits are so Weird

Dream what do you GET out of this, why are you so OBSESSED. He spends so much time here

"I wont bring it up with them because that would be awkward" oof and I bet he won't believe it if anyone says they didn't get the invite will he oof

.. He pulls out the Axe but lets dream actually kill the skeleton, he already put it away before Dream even got on screen how many times do i have to say THANKS I HATE IT HERE before it becomes meaningless

So this was around the point (or maybe a little bit later, but talking about this point) during dsmp where I started seeing it cross my dash without any context and saw a lot of takes about "oh but they didn't get the invite" and I had NO IDEA why Tommy was so upset about what was clearly a misunderstanding or why he was making it such a big deal.... well I get it now

Tommy really really isn't in a place where he can believe someone when they say they didn't get an invite. And it Really Truly WAS a big deal and actually I'm 100% on Tommy's side on this issue now (though I also don't blame the other characters for this: See Big Green Bastard Man who is truly at fault) I can understand completely why he throws it in their face later though

He's doubting if he wants to go back now.. that was exactly the point of it all :(

"Thanks for letting me keep my armor today btw" I hate how sincere Tommy is about this. I hate how Dream has so effectively done this, where Tommy sees it as a FAVOR that Dream doesn't come and blow up all of his things and hard work and THANKS him for it.

People much smarter than me have pointed out how 1:1 this is to real abusive relationships and how well its portrayed. I don't have anything clever or insightful to say here I guess, just that its exhausting and heavy to watch (but also really powerful as well, because we DON'T see shit like this played this realistically, or in this much accurate detail)

I just want Tommy to be out of here safely and realize what is being done to him is WRONG and not his fault and be given a chance to actually heal. I know the likelihood of that in the future, considering whats to come, is also. complicated to say the least.

[jupitermelichios]

On a more possitive note, I’ve started watching Sword Art Online. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever seen (and the last film I saw in cinemas was Cats to give you context for the scale i’m working on here) and I kind of adore it in much the same way I love garbage like Smallville or Twilight. It’s so stupid on so many levels. You could challenge someone to write the worst anime, and it would almost certainly be better than SAO. It’s almost hypnotic how terrible it is.

No one should watch this terrible terrible show so I therefore don’t feel at all bad that I’m about the spoil absolutely everything, but honestly if you do also hate-watch this please come talk to me about how terrible it is. I don’t know anyone else who watches it.

Highlights of Season 1 include:

everyone is trapped in an MMO, and if you die in the MMO you die IRL. but if you were a beta-tester you’re probably fine because they just let them keep all their levels and items from the testing, so they’re all massively OP and everyone just accepts this as a normal and non-game-breaking thing

it’s a fantasy MMO but there’s no races, no magic system, no weapons except swords and maces, and not even an option to dual wield - literally all you can do in this fucking game is stand in front of an enemy and mash the attack button. I’m pretty sure they’re trapped there because the devs realised no one would play this post launch-day otherwise because it’s boring as shit

when the villain traps everyone he also just changs all their avatars to look like they do IRL for absolutely no reason, like actually none, he doesn’t even say he thinks it would be funny, he just does it and no one questions it and it is literally never mentioned again because this is the worst TV show ever animated.

in the second episode the main character deliberately witholds information about how to defeat a boss, indirectly causing multiple deaths. there is absolutely no reason for him to withhold it, he was just being a jerk because he doesn’t like people

in the third episode they reset his entire personality and he’s now a selfless hero pretending to be a lower level than he really is so people will find him more relateable and be his friend because all he wants is to help people. this is not a consequence of episode 2, they just decided they didnt like the character as he’d previously been written.

he makes some new friends who are all objectively terrible people who have decided for no season that the twelve year old who doesn’t really know how to play and keeps having anxiety attacks about the very real possibility of death has to be the guild tank. the MC is high enough level to be functionally immortal in like half the levels, but doesn’t tell anyone this he just lets them go on bullying this child

none of his friends survive that episode, in the game or IRL. which is also a christmas epsiode. a child dies in battle because she’s a terrible tank and then a man commits suicide out of guilt, so then the main character murders santa to try and bring them back from the actual dead but it doesn’t work because again, this is a video game and they are dead IRL, so then he walks off into the snow alone. Christmas!

we meet the best character in the entire show in episode 4, Rosalia, who has gone evil and started just straight murdering people because she’s sick of being an attractive adult woman who can’t get a date because she’s surrounded by lolicons who are only interested in the preteen characters (not a joke, that comes up, the show is firmly on the side of the lolicons)

in the same episode we get an extended bra and panty sequence staring an actual fucking child, like canonically this character is maybe 13 at best. this is one of only 2 occaisions when they feel the need to undress a character and it’s the fucking 12 year old, it’s so gross it reads like a parody of itself

literally every single named female character aged over 8 who talks to the MC falls in love with him after like 5 minutes (and in season 2 this includes his actual sister). he shows absolutely no interest in any of them (including his sister, thank god) until...

the main character gets engaged to a girl he only knows from an MMO after a virtual single date (he doesn’t actually win her in a PVP match but only because he looses the match, he 100% canonically tries to win her in a match, which she is apparently fine with). he then doesn’t bother to ask for her real name until the final episode, he just calls her by her screen name

(that’s okay though becuase it turns out that this moron of a love interest used her real name, on a local server, in a game where your character looks like you do IRL, because apparently getting doxxed is her hobby)

they then get in-game married off screen. there’s not even like a still of a wedding photo. nothing. the main character proposes and then the show immediately jumps to the honeymoon, it’s fucking bizarre.

they find a creepy child dressed all in white with no memory alone in the woods a week into their honeymoon who starts calling them mommy and daddy literally seconds after they first meet her, and they don’t suspect anything suss is going on and adopt her

for hilarity bear in mind the main character may only be 15 at this point (he says he’s only just turned 16 in the last epsiode, but his actual birthday is never mentioned), and his virtual wifu is 16, but no one ever questions the marriage or the adoption, even though ‘hey marriage in a video game is as important and meaningful as marriage in real life’ is an actual conversation people have multiple times. also they think the child they adopt is an actual IRL 8 year old who thinks these randos she met in an MMO are her mum and dad and everyone just goes with that like it’s a totally normal thing

a character called ‘Thinker’ agrees to meet an enemy faction leader for peace talks. the “peace talks” take place in a high level dungeon and he is told to come alone with no weapons and no fast travel. he does this. no one ever comments that his name is ironic, and in fact they seem to think that being betrayed and trapped in a dungeon with a boss is a totally unexpected turn of events Thinker could never have planned for

they take their new baby into the dungeon to rescue thinker, because they went to the jean grey school of baby rearing, and she imediately reveals that she’s actually a magical maggufin with infinite power, murders the grim reaper, and then dies. In literally the second episode she’s in

after she dies the MC hacks the admin account of the game, converts her corpse into an in game item, and saves to the local storage on his console, with the intention of bringing her back to life as a robot once they’re saved from the game. I’m not joking, that’s an actual thing that happens.

the fact that the main character can just access the main admin account and make massive game-breaking changes isn’t used again in that game and he never thinks to try and use it to force log people out or give himself infinite life so he can just rush the game and free everyone. nope, convert a corpse into an item and then never think about it again.

there’s an entire episode where all they do is go fishing. its the only filler episode in the season, and it immediately follows the death of a small child. it’s the most tone-deaf beach episode in writing history

it turns out this game, this game where they didn’t bother coding in any difference races, weapons, or any kind of magic system, was intended to have fully sentient AI therapists, because why the fuck not at this point honestly

oh also the game has PVP and you can trick the game into thinking a sleeping player is in PVP with you in order to actually murder a real person without it flagging in-game as a murder making the crime impossible for the real life legal system to investigate even though you just murdered a person. and they expect us to believe this game had actual beta testers. at least cyberpunk wasn’t played on microwaves you connected straight to your brain (also not a joke, the VR consoles canonically work by sending microwave radiation into your brain, no wonder VR never caught on)

the set up for the show is that they have to reach level 100 of a dungeon in order to win. At level 75, the writers got bored and the show just ends.

it turns out the power of love allows you to just break the fucking game and the main villain literally has a line about how ‘love allows you to remove debuffs, huh, we didn’t think to plan for that’ because again, there’s no metaphors in this show, everything is 100% literal including the fact that falling in love with another player means you’re immune to the paralysis status effect

power of love also allows you to very briefly become a poltergeist after being killed, but only for like 2 seconds. again not a joke or a metaphor, main character is killed but then gets to hang around as a ghost for a little bit to enable him to defeat the boss. he also doesn’t die in real life despite that being the entire fucking premise of the show, again because power of love.

the bad guy literally has no plan, he’s just doing shit for the sake of having something to do. His actions directly cause the deaths of more than 4,000 people, and it’s not even in aid of anything. they ask him why he trapped 10,000 people in an MMO and allowed them to slowly die, and he’s just like ‘huh, i forgot i did that, random’ and then just fucking peaces out

the fact that he committed one of the largest mass killings outside of war never really comes up again, as far as we know he doesn’t even go to jail. i think the show actually kind of thinks he’s a good guy, which is a fucking WILD moral stance to take on the deaths of 4000 completely innocent people for absolutely no reason

If this sounds hilari-bad but you don’t want to invest the time to watch a show which is objectively garbage, it has an abridged series which is famously better than the show it’s parodying (i’m dead serious, people have character arcs, the getting married after one date thing is properly addressed, the mc has to deal with PTSD because of all his friends dying in epsidode 3, they don’t immediately follow the death of a child with an extended fishing montage, the villain has an actual plan). It’s mostly actually pretty good, but this is the internet and it’s an abridged series, so while there are a lot fewer yikes moments than most it still has enough that I’m not comfortable recommending it without the caveat. that said I still enjoyed it a lot, although possibly not at much as pointing and laughing at the garbage that is the actual show.

[rigelmejo]

Using this tool to determine unique amount of words in a text (and generating a vocabulary list). Since it can’t handle a huge amount of input I’m just going to do maybe a chapter or half a chapter of each story and see the result: http://www.zhtoolkit.com/apps/wordlist/create-list.cgi

This tool is useful for figuring out how difficult a text is compared to something else you’ve read, and it generates word lists! So you have something to study from (if you aren’t using Pleco, want like a Graded Reader experience with intensive reading word lists, etc). You can think of meanU as the “easiness rating” - the higher it is the easier the text is to read. 

**This list gets long below the cut, but will hopefully help serve as a reference. For a rough estimate I’d say anything from 1.9+ seems to be manageable for someone who knows HSK 4 words and is using a click-dictionary (like Pleco, Zhongwen Chrome Extension, Mandarinspot.com Annotator Bookmarklet, eReader dictionary, etc). Some ~1.9 ones are easier or harder depending on genre familiarity. For example I think 论如何错误地套路一个魔教教主 is extremely easy if you’re used to wuxia genre as its very simple for the genre, versus something like 魔道祖师, also if wuxia vocab isn’t an issue for you then priest novels like 天涯客 tend to be easier than 镇魂). For ease’s sake, ones 2+ seem to be the most ‘doable’ for actual extensive reading though. Again, this depends on which genres you’re more familiar with - but in general the ones scored 2+ below are novels I had more success reading without dictionary lookup in general. 

Anything marked *** I would recommend as ‘easier,’ and anything as ** I would recommend as possibly easier depending on your genre familiarity.

Update: I have gone through this list and now most text samples analyzed were generally between 1900-2100 words, so now the scores should be more comparable. While a 1.9 may or may not be easy based on your level, in general if something is scored lower it will still be harder and if scored higher will still be ‘easier’ than a 1.9. Your genre familiarity will also affect things. So when looking for “similar difficulty” material and “slightly” harder or easier, these scores should hopefully be a bit more useful now. 

* Unique unknown is the count of the Chinese words not in the public common word filter, nor in your user known word list * meanU is the average frequency of all words. Here, it is the average of the log(10) frequencies. It is a very rough measure of text difficulty. A value of ~1.9 is somewhat difficult, and ~2.6 is probably easier. (Ref: [http://www.soc.cornell.edu/hayes-lexical-analysis/])

First, novels I’ve heard recommended as ‘easier’ to read:

***小王子

Characters:3196 Word Count:2192 Unique Words:744 (33.9%) Unique unknown*:608 (81.7%) meanU(log10)*:2.004

**So it’s ease rating is 2, fairly easy! That makes sense, at least based on my experience reading it right now. 

***地图 by 倪匡

Characters:3005 Word Count:2094 Unique Words:681 (32.5%) Unique unknown*:551 (80.9%) meanU(log10)*:2.072

**This author was recommended as very approachable on chinese learning forums, sci-fi short stories (around 100 pages per story) for people who know HSK 4+. (Also again shout out to this text analyzer tool because the vocabulary lists it generates are super useful for looking through ahead of a reading to help prepare).

***他们的故事 by 一根黄瓜丝儿

Characters:3085 Word Count:2172 Unique Words:730 (33.6%) Unique unknown*:613 (84.0%) meanU(log10)*:2.008

**Score of 2 makes sense, it was the first webnovel I was able to read (with the help of Pleco Reader click-definitions). It’s definitely on the easier side. If there’s unknown words in this, a huge portion of them are very common daily life words or simple novel description words so they were worth learning for me. 

***论如何错误地套路一个魔教教主

Characters:2403 Word Count:1766 Unique Words:691 (39.1%) Unique unknown*:565 (81.8%) meanU(log10)*:1.962

**This is The Wrong Way To A Demon Sect Leader and I recommend it hands down as an intro wuxia or bl novel. The reading is actually fairly easy, and if its not then learning any of the words here are pretty basic wuxia genre words you will keep using. (Also its a great listening reading method novel to do since its audiobook matches perfectly to the text, and it’s english translation is pretty literal).

我和我的四个伴舞 by  娜可露露

Characters:3587 Word Count:2547 Unique Words:978 (38.4%) Unique unknown*:840 (85.9%) meanU(log10)*:1.899

**Harder rating than I expected it to be given it was recommended to me lol.

魔尊总是要抱抱 by  杨乔萝

Characters:2633 Word Count:1861 Unique Words:845 (45.4%) Unique unknown*:718 (85.0%) meanU(log10)*:1.901

**I had a hard time figuring out if this is the novel Demon Wants a Hug manhua is based on, or if its another novel. ToT I’d personally rate this as an ‘easier’ read, because after ttwtadsl, I remember this novel’s chapter 1 was doable without a dictionary. 

迪奥先生 by 绿野千鹤

Characters:2564 Word Count:1784 Unique Words:851 (47.7%) Unique unknown*:732 (86.0%) meanU(log10)*:1.835

**Recommended to me as “easy.” On the upside, its ease rating is better than hanshe.

碎玉投珠 by 北南

Characters:2896 Word Count:2164 Unique Words:879 (40.6%) Unique unknown*:752 (85.6%) meanU(log10)*:1.874

**This was recommended to me as “easy.”

寒舍 by 夏灬安兰

Characters:2988 Word Count:2027 Unique Words:895 (44.2%) Unique unknown*:777 (86.8%) meanU(log10)*:1.833

**I find it interesting this is marked as a 1.8. I found it easier to read than any priest novels. I am currently reading it with a click-dictionary (Pleco Reader). At first chapters took me 1.5 hours to read, and now they take me 20 minutes. Part of what makes hanshe ‘easier’ than it should be, is it has sets of chapters all focusing in one main setting each - so the vocabulary can get specialized but then its repeated frequently and learned fairly easily with context over time. 

Comparing some well known novels:

镇魂

Characters:3159 Word Count:2081 Unique Words:954 (45.8%) Unique unknown*:815 (85.4%) meanU(log10)*:1.911

**Scored as theoretically a little easier than hanshe. Almost the same score as Demon Wants A Hug - but I’d argue zhenhun is a lot more difficult than that novel. So these scores aren’t perfect lol. I think hanshe is a little easier than zhenhun - but I do think hanshe was good prep reading for zhenhun.

默读

Characters:2963 Word Count:2056 Unique Words:1016 (49.4%) Unique unknown*:881 (86.7%) meanU(log10)*:1.784

**Marked as a bit harder than zhenhun (chapter 1 anyway). I feel they’re more similar in difficulty. For me they feel similar to read - but modu sometimes has more descriptions (although if you’re less familiar with crime genre novels, this will probably be more challenging - whereas zhenhun is harder if you’re less familiar with supernatural genre).

破云

Characters:2943 Word Count:2068 Unique Words:998 (48.3%) Unique unknown*:862 (86.4%) meanU(log10)*:1.835

**I have tried to read the first chapter of Poyun and found it a bit harder than hanshe.

**天涯客

Characters:2920 Word Count:2095 Unique Words:874 (41.7%) Unique unknown*:744 (85.1%) meanU(log10)*:1.878

**I personally found tian ya ke a bit harder than hanshe, and a bit easier than guardian and modu. If you’re going to read a priest novel, this is one of the easier ones.

魔道祖师 (MDZS)

Characters:3020 Word Count:2158 Unique Words:952 (44.1%) Unique unknown*:811 (85.2%) meanU(log10)*:1.827

***人渣反派自救系统 (SVSSS)

Characters:2552 Word Count:1796 Unique Words:905 (50.4%) Unique unknown*:765 (84.5%) meanU(log10)*:1.900

**I’ve read a few chapters and I would say yes 1.9 is a fair estimate. I found it a bit harder than ttwtadsl, but easier than mdzs. If you plan to read this genre more, this is pretty approachable for the genre (as far as xianxia terms, I found this easier to follow than mdzs for example).

一受封疆 by 殿前欢

Characters:2871 Word Count:2119 Unique Words:989 (46.7%) Unique unknown*:855 (86.5%) meanU(log10)*:1.863

残次品

Characters:2743 Word Count:1776 Unique Words:940 (52.9%) Unique unknown*:805 (85.6%) meanU(log10)*:1.811

**Can Ci Pin is likely harder than this estimate, since its a sci fi with futuristic words.

***SCI谜案集第一部

Characters:2855 Word Count:1986 Unique Words:773 (38.9%) Unique unknown*:645 (83.4%) meanU(log10)*:1.973

**I haven’t read any of this, but I’d recommend it as potentially easier - like ttwtadsl it has a ton of really short chapters, which I think makes each individual section feel a bit easier.

***盗墓笔记1  

Characters:2954 Word Count:2149 Unique Words:756 (35.2%) Unique unknown*:635 (84.0%) meanU(log10)*:1.992

**Keep in mind the more words I put into the tool, the higher the difficulty gets period. I’d say dmbj is an easier read like svsss - its somewhat challenging but not like priest novels.

**活着

Characters:2866 Word Count:2056 Unique Words:815 (39.6%) Unique unknown*:690 (84.7%) meanU(log10)*:1.895

**Considered one of the “easiest” books for people to read starting out in chinese, it did not get the easiest score (compared to the 2+ ones). I have not tried to read it. That said, it is only around ten chapters so its a much more approachable choice than some longer texts. 

***许三观卖血记

Characters:2741 Word Count:2123 Unique Words:499 (23.5%) Unique unknown*:391 (78.4%) meanU(log10)*:2.132

**This is by the same author as above  余华. I’m recommending this one over the other one though, for two reasons. First, this scored MUCH higher on reading ‘ease.’ Second, I just read the first chapter and it IS incredibly easy to read - it felt like the next step after a graded reader, very few unknown words. Pretty much anything on this list above a 2 is probably going to be the easiest.

***一级律师[星际] by 木苏里

Characters:2558 Word Count:1729 Unique Words:760 (44.0%) Unique unknown*:639 (84.1%) meanU(log10)*:1.956

**This was highly recommended to me, along with modu and poyun as good mystery stories.

**(瓶邪同人)所谓一切发生在网配+番外 (dmbj fanfic)

Characters:2729 Word Count:1910 Unique Words:808 (42.3%) Unique unknown*:679 (84.0%) meanU(log10)*:1.947

夜半衣寒 by 夏灬安兰

Characters:3085 Word Count:2122 Unique Words:832 (39.2%) Unique unknown*:716 (86.1%) meanU(log10)*:1.875

***他来了, 请闭眼 by 丁墨

Characters:2270 Word Count:1615 Unique Words:744 (46.1%) Unique unknown*:614 (82.5%) meanU(log10)*:1.962

**I am happy to report this one has a pretty high ‘ease’ score, and this is an author I was highly recommended so maybe I’ll check out their novels for a while.

**如果蜗牛有爱情 by 丁墨

Characters:2766 Word Count:1968 Unique Words:896 (45.5%) Unique unknown*:762 (85.0%) meanU(log10)*:1.927

美人为馅  by 丁墨

Characters:3175 Word Count:2201 Unique Words:1018 (46.3%) Unique unknown*:891 (87.5%) meanU(log10)*:1.808

**女将军和长公主

Characters:4428 Word Count:3090 Unique Words:645 (20.9%) Unique unknown*:522 (80.9%) meanU(log10)*:1.984

**I haven’t read any of Female General and Eldest Princess, but this is a pretty high ease rating, and its the only gl novel I put on the list. So definitely worth checking out if you feel like reading! Also I imagine a lot of hard words will be common ones for the genre since its rating of ease is ‘higher’ so they’re probably worth learning.

**全職高手 (The King’s Avatar)

Characters:3067 Word Count:2171 Unique Words:772 (35.6%) Unique unknown*:637 (82.5%) meanU(log10)*:1.989

桃花债 (Peach Blossom Debt)

Characters:2828 Word Count:2114 Unique Words:920 (43.5%) Unique unknown*:786 (85.4%) meanU(log10)*:1.858

**I did not expect this one to score as ‘difficult’ tbh. When I’ve read pieces of it, its somewhat manageable without a dictionary.

**琉璃美人煞 (The Glass Maiden, Love and Redemption novel)

Characters:2752 Word Count:2004 Unique Words:810 (40.4%) Unique unknown*:678 (83.7%) meanU(log10)*:1.929

**As far as xianxia go, this is the only one I’ve read a bit of, and I did not find it too difficult - not easy, but manageable especially if you use a click-dictionary. (Also for listening reading method, the english translation is pretty literal, the audiobook matches to the text well - it just doesn’t match the chapter endings).

圈子圈套

Characters:2909 Word Count:2082 Unique Words:761 (36.6%) Unique unknown*:641 (84.2%) meanU(log10)*:1.977

**Generally considered one of the ‘easier’ novels to read along with huozhe. When I lowered the word sample it was close to 2, when I increased the word sample it was 1.7. 

***笑猫日记: 会唱歌的猫

Characters:2551 Word Count:1816 Unique Words:587 (32.3%) Unique unknown*:474 (80.7%) meanU(log10)*:2.035

**First: recommending this for easier material - its one of the only other ones to score above 2. I read 3 chapters this week, and it is definitely easier reading material - it feels a little bit easier than 小王子 and decently easier than 他们的故事 (bl novel not gl manhua). This is one of the novels on this list that truly feels like a ‘next step’ after graded readers. So I highly recommend this one. Also like  他们的故事, a lot of its words are daily life words one would find useful about growing up, families, park and nature words, people/objects/places in cities. And its more specific words while a bit niche about animals and plants, so far I have all found very applicable - poodle, parrot, minya bird (which pops up in several cdramas I’ve seen), mouse, cat, gingko tree (one of the few trees I know the name of in english too). 

Second: How many words you put in definitely affects the tool’s scoring - when I put in around 2000 words this was scored as 2, when I put in 3000 it was scored as 1.9. 

***流星·蝴蝶·剑 by Gu Long

Characters:2954 Word Count:2188 Unique Words:755 (34.5%) Unique unknown*:629 (83.3%) meanU(log10)*:2.015

**Also highly recommending this as easier material if you want to get into wuxia - I read one chapter of this last night without a dictionary. 

***那些年我們一起追的女孩

Characters:2645 Word Count:1844 Unique Words:803 (43.5%) Unique unknown*:660 (82.2%) meanU(log10)*:1.955

**I’d highly recommend this as easier material - it was one of the readings in a mandarin book club I was a part of, is genuinely SHORT, and is genuinely lower on the difficulty scale.

***一个钢镚儿

Characters:1965 Word Count:1361 Unique Words:580 (42.6%) Unique unknown*:474 (81.7%) meanU(log10)*:2.030

**I haven’t read this but marking it as a great choice, it easily scored above 2. 

***撒野

Characters:2911 Word Count:2072 Unique Words:701 (33.8%) Unique unknown*:583 (83.2%) meanU(log10)*:1.980

**I will probably try this one as its scored pretty easy.

那些風花雪月

Characters:2409 Word Count:1673 Unique Words:735 (43.9%) Unique unknown*:615 (83.7%) meanU(log10)*:1.885

**This one I wanted to run for fun lol. this was once recced as one of the “easiest” novels to read. Well I found it to be extremely hard to read - looks like it wasn’t just me. Even at a low word count of text sample, its rating is 1.8.

**叛逆者

Characters:2821 Word Count:1952 Unique Words:849 (43.5%) Unique unknown*:718 (84.6%) meanU(log10)*:1.898

Adding The Rebel because Zhu Yilong’s about to star in the show based on it, and an english translation already exists. While its ranked as a bit harder at 1.9ish, this novel is very short (13 chapters I believe). So the time commitment is much shorter (compared to hanshe’s 155 chapters).

X

This tool’s score seems HIGHLY dependent on how many words you put in. I’d say aim around the same word amount for each sample if you want to compare the results better - I clearly did Not do that and I think that’s part of why there’s so much variance between 1.7-1.9 between some materials I think the difficulty would be different on. Based on that, I’d say ones where I put high amounts of text samples in and STILL scored high are probably some of the easiest! And ones with high amounts of text samples that slid down into 1.7~1.8 may not actually be quite as difficult. (EDIT: I have just gone through this and taken ~1900-2100 word length samples of each to try and make the ‘ease’ ratings more comparable).

X

I am a bit sad by how few novels actually got a score of 2 or above. Does anyone have any “easier” webnovel/novel recommendations I can look into? I could do an analysis for a few more.

[dappersheep]

Food Fantasy: An Analysis on what killed a Golden Goose (3/3)

Ladies and gentlemen, we've arrived at our final destination.

Again before we start, we have our obligatory disclaimers. I do not own the game or its characters, nor do I claim to know the true history and likely fate of this game. I am entitled to the thoughts and opinions written within this post. Feel free to agree or disagree with the points being made.

This post also remains untagged from the main foofan tag. Only my followers will see this.

We are in the third and final stretch, and the checkpoint is past the cut.

Community

So... here we are, fellow Master Attendants.

As consumers of this piece of entertainment media, we are free to enjoy it however we wish. Appreciating what is there, creating something new from what exists, playing the game by the meta or however you want to play it (within your means and at your own risk of course). There's no one true and absolute way to experience the game.

However, just as you can enjoy something, doesn't mean you can't also point out flaws or shortcomings of the media in question. As an active veteran player, I've already pointed out the many gameplay design flaws  already. And I'd be pretty dumb to say that Food Fantasy's writing is perfect. Hell, it has a lot of holes from a worldbuilding consistency standpoint. 

And what of things from the community side? Yes, there will be times you'd see content you consider cringe, or something in fanon you don't agree with. Or there happens to be fan theories and fangirling posts you don't like the take of because of X or Y.

And that's fine. If we all happen to play the same way, like the same thing, agree on the same thing and produce the same thing, well, this would be one helluva boring community, wouldn't it?

But what if someone decides the way you're playing the game is wrong and harasses you over it? What happens if someone decides that their interpretation of the game's flavor text and lore is more important than what anyone else thought about it? What happens if someone decides that they're absolutely right, and you and everyone else who disagrees deserves to be bullied out of the fandom?

As much as I want to say we aren't part of the problem why the game is deteriorating, we are unfortunately, part of the reason why the game is as such even if most of the blame is directed towards Funtoy and Elex themselves.

⦁ Whale Authority. Whales will always be part of a gacha game's ecosystem. Without them, the game won't be able to maintain its upkeep costs, moreso  for one that services global regions instead of just one. But when a game decides to cater its decisions of what features should be prioritized and when it should be launched around only its most elite paying players' voices  -even if that influence has since tapered off-, you know there is something wrong with the publisher's management team and priorities.

⦁ Interguild drama. While I did not personally follow any of this, this has certainly been the peak of in-game tension back in the day. Poaching good players from both competitive and smaller guilds, guild mergers that often ended up making the annexed guild/s the equivalent of UK colonized India or Australia, suck-ups chummying up to guild leaders to keep a spot in an active, high ranking guild (for bragging rights!) despite never contributing much to overall damage, and just general dislike of certain players' attitudes. Actions like this have disillusioned many players about their playing experience and the reason why many eventually just lost the motivation to log into FooFan.

⦁ Cheaters. You know very well about the Hacker-teme I've mentioned before, but that was in context of Elex being incompetent with dealing with them. Here, I would like  to point out the players who are desperate to dominate  the playing field for whatever reason to the point that they would resort to cheating the ranks with forceful modifications of the APK. Whether it is to rank high in catacombs weekly, get a top spot in daily disaster damage, or weasel their way into the competitive whale ranks of a major ranking event, these are the people who have no qualms messing with the code to give themselves an easier time with the game. And if they're caught? Some pretend that they've made a mistake, some quickly sell the account to escape the blame, some others just scamper away into the dark and hide in the lower ranks where they can't be found. Others simply don't care and keep cheating until Elex decides to finally ban them... if Elex ever decides their rebates score isn't worth saving the account.

⦁ Ship wars. Ah yes, a staple of drama in any fandom. There doesn't need much explanation to this as we've all had our fair share of running into a battleground in whatever fandom we visit. Someone ships BB52 wholeheartedly? Nope, problematic 'age gaps'. Someone likes Napoleon with Pastel? Someone's bound to misinterpret their bios in order to justify that Napoleon was being abusive. Spaghetti and Borscht? Borscht is minor coded, ship her with Vodka instead. Whiskey and Pizza or Cassata? Cancelled! And I've never heard of the Foe Yay trope or pretend I don't know about it! Rarepairs? Disgusting! No fanon in my canon playground! Turkey and Eggnog? Gasp! How dare you, you pedo-shipper-even-though-you-never-said-you-shipped-them-romantically-but-that-isn't-my-point!

⦁ Character Obsession: Bias. On one hand, you love a character so much. Relate to a character so much. You have thus pulled this character into the folds of your bosom and coo at them like a mother dove and get so minutely triggered if someone so much as makes one disagreeable or joking comment about the character that you fly into an overreactive ballistic rage that would make a Canadian goose honk in fear. You don't care what they are in canon. You don't care about the possibility of mistranslation. What matters is the fanon space you carved out for them to exist in and that's all that matters. The problem with this is when this obsession takes over common sense and social etiquette and it steps into harassment territory. You begin to think: I'm the only one who 'understands' the character. I'm the only one who wishes better for the character, everyone else is out to defame them! Oh wait, you like them too? Do you like them the way *I* like them? No? Maybe if you're my 'friend', I'd let it slide. But to everyone else? No one else has the right to like them as much as I do. No one! Never mind that they're completely fictional- No one hurts my bias because in turn, they're hurting *me*!

⦁ Character Obsession: Anti. On the other hand, you hate a character so much. This character just makes you see so much red. Their smug little smirk just makes your blood boil. Their fictional backstory makes you recoil in disgust. You hate that someone else loves a character you hate so much.  You cannot *believe* that someone could be so daringly stupid to like a problematic character. They must be problematic too then. They must be hiding real life secrets that are problematic! Yes, yes. That's right. That person's a supporter of abuse. That person's into pedophilia. That person is into military lolita fashion that Japan started the trend of but clearly Japan was part of the Axis Powers! And that... that person... that person... is a roleplayer and a yaoi fangirl properly interacting with minors and adults. How dare they...!

⦁ Fan Translations.  Normally it wouldn't be a problem that a group or two or several are translating pieces of the game's lore ahead of the official. But with Elex's very delayed translations and extreme allergic reactions to translating Food Soul bios, people have become dependent on fan-translation groups to get their fix. The problem herein lies... is when the translators get drunk off the power that they are one of a handful in a small community who can magically transcribe the oriental moonrunes into English. The problem starts when the translator starts to have an inclination. The problem starts when the translator loses their professional detachment and start adding in details here and there into the fan translated product that ultimately changes the meaning and direction of the entire story. The problem is also escalated when that translator's embellished product is touted as the truth by their followers. If there was an upcoming character whose backstory is connected to a character they hated (either because of someone or they just don't like the character) and you were hoping to read the fan translation? How would you know that what you get isn't something doctored to the point it's basically fanfiction?

⦁ Social Justice Vigilantism. Sometimes someone does not have a character obsession or need it to be annoying. Sometimes, someone just wants to ring the alarm over something they find 'problematic' in order to police and sanitize the enjoyment of the media for 'everyone'. They no longer really take enjoyment out of a new Food Soul design being leaked, they no longer read the lore just to enjoy what it has to offer. Instead, they nitpick bits and pieces of the design and point it out repeatedly as a reason why the whole thing is bad. They point out bits of the story and inject their interpretations of it without really comprehending what they've read in full and react badly to it. What's worse is that they have no qualms publicly posting their reactions and eagerly and hungrily await those likes and echoes of agreement that they were right.

⦁ Circles of Influence. Everyone has a group they eventually gravitate to in a fandom. It comes with its own pros and cons. Sometimes you join a group because someone you admire is in there, sometimes you join a group because you just want to mingle and see more content. All valid reasons. Arguments can't be avoided in a group, it has to happen... But you have to take care. You have to take care to feel the change in the air of the group. When someone starts pushing people to agree with them. When your most admired people start to feel overly sensitive about certain characters or issues. When you start to feel obligated to spy on other groups outside of this one for 'nonbelievers', 'traitors' and 'heretics' who do not think the way this group does, and that bringing back bits and pieces of gossip as offerings would somehow make you more favored in the eyes of the inner clique or remain inside it. There is a gripping sense of annoyance when that person comes in to complain but you can't do anything about it but nod and agree. There is a pervading sense of fear and apprehension of overstepping an invisible boundary. There is fear that you might be next on the chopping block, after witnessing one of the others being ganged up on and thrown out without a second thought, their name spat upon like they're worth less than dirt. And so reluctant you are to give up what you have with them that when they push you to do something you are reluctant to do, all in the name of 'harmony and justice'... You do it. Even though it would mean offering yourself up to the mob with no salvation, and the stark realization that... [they] never cared about you as a friend.

And we've come to the end of this analysis trilogy. The writing got a little bit strange in this post, but honestly this is the best way I could put it. I'm aware things can and will be more complicated than the bullet points I've written but I'm just one person and I tried very hard to keep details of all the drama that happened in this fandom as vague as possible. Of course, that wouldn't work if you know what I am talking about.

The community is quiet now for the most part, the game is somewhere between limbo and the living plane. Things could be better for us, but I don't really count on it.

I wish I could leave a bit of a moral warning or something. But rather than do that, I just hope this was an entertaining read into one individual's eyes into Food Fantasy and everything that makes it up.