#Is this what it feels like to be cishet and have everything made for you in a piece of media ????

[genderqueerdykes]

I'm transfem but boymoding in public. I have HRT on my shelf waiting for me, I'm getting more tired of hiding myself every day, but so many of the trans women I see, especially online, just seem miserable?

I tried talking about community building and creating trans normal and trans contentment at an event and got told that people are tired of trans joy and community building and there needs to be more trans anger.

I can deal with bigots. It's literally my job to deal with bigots, but I feel like I'm being put off at this point because so much of the community defines itself by suffering and I do not want to suffer.

I feel like if I start HRT I'll be too trans to be accepted in public but won't be able to find community among trans people because I don't believe in TMA/E divisionist bs

thank you so much for taking the time to send this, i really appreciate you. thank you for taking the time to share your story

I tried talking about community building and creating trans normal and trans contentment at an event and got told that people are tired of trans joy and community building and there needs to be more trans anger.

holy. fucking. shit anon i am so, so sorry you were told that. how the hell are people "tired of trans joy and community building"? what the FUCK does that mean? how jaded and bitter and disenfranchised do you have to believe that "everyone" is "over" being... happy about being trans? trans anger has its place but how is anyone "over" being happy? that is the most defeatist shit i have ever heard in my life. that honestly sounds EXACTLY like the bullshit negative headspace you get into when you're VERY depressed that just makes you hate literally everything. you don't just have to roll over and be miserable because things suck. you don't have to consign yourself to a life of misery just because you're transfem. what the hell. how the hell is that supposed to empower anyone?

thank you for pointing these things out. what a lot of trans women and transfemmes are doing right now is wallowing in their misery. misery does not keep you safe, it keeps you trapped in your pain. focusing on how miserable you are is keeping yourself stuck in the past. you will never progress beyond misery if you refuse to try to break free of it. yes, we suffer. yes, our lives are hard. but why are we focusing on the bad all the time? you can have trans rage and experience trans joy at the exact same time. they're not mutually exclusive.

I feel like if I start HRT I'll be too trans to be accepted in public but won't be able to find community among trans people because I don't believe in TMA/E divisionist bs

that hurts me deeply to read, i am so sorry. i was just standing on my porch having a similar thought, which is i feel more alienated by the queer community right now than i do the general public. i get less flak from cishet people than i do other queers. isn't that fucking sad? we've made the community hostile to our own, each other, not even outsiders who are genuinely trying to oppress us. we're more hostile towards transmascs and men than we are cops trying to enter our spaces. we kick masc nonbinary people out of queer spaces, but then gladly let rad fems in.

i'm glad to hear that you also don't believe in the TME/TMA bullshit, but it sucks so bad that you feel like you will be alienated from other trans women because of it. i really want a lot of the transfems and trans women who do these things to understand that they are hurting other trans women and transfems, NOT just trans men and mascs. like this behavior affects more than just trans men and mascs- it's alienating you from your own community. literally where you belong, and you feel alienated. you're not the only trans woman who's reached out to me about this. how is this behavior supposed to uplift and empower trans women if all it's doing is alienating us from our own communities?

take care of yourself, anon. i hope things improve for you. you have every right to not want to continue suffering like that. you're not obligated to sulk and focus on how bad you have it every single day just because you're transfem, you literally KNOW how bad transfems have it. you don't need to be repeatedly reminded how bad we have it. you don't need to constantly be thinking about it. you don't need to constantly remind yourself that you're miserable in order to be a transfem.

that's your reality. you don't want to stay trapped in the parts that suck, you just want to be yourself, and that's what transness is all about. i hope you're able to start HRT soon and stop hiding and just be yourself. you deserve that. there are still plenty of kind, open minded transfems and trans women who don't behave this way, and i hope some make their way into your life so you can talk to people who get you without fear of being made to feel bad for no reason. if you have any questions about it or need any help, please feel free to come by and ask any questions you may have, we'll be happy to help! you've got the right approach, other people just need to catch up. thanks for stopping by, feel free to come by again any time

[columbojumpscare]

Was wondering before getting here if that motherfucker was gonna be fat bc i did see some of Yugo's art where he looked chubby

that's not the case but HE DOES HAVE TITS

[theriverdalereviewer]

everyone jumping to team kamala we will never experience true freedom in this country

[unproduciblesmackdown]

why is reassurance about omnipresent omnipotent Love needed like. it's love(tm) has there not Been that assurance & affirmation all over the place all thee time. "but all the hate in the world...see what it does..." does that even mean "hate" or does that mean "people feeling entitled to a superior status ft. its intrinsically promised superior power" like re: the limitations of "hate crimes" meaning there's a need to "prove" "hate" in the "intent." where do we see Love as this guaranteed antithesis to a systemically granted entitlement to power to constrain someone's life. parents loving their children, And Yet. partners loving their partners And Yet. friends loving friends never stopped there from being disasters in how people are treated in that sphere. versus: people giving the most essential support to people they have no personal connection to, no direct connection to, no basis for having particular feelings about them one way or another beyond knowing they're also people in a vulnerable situation. people flourishing by themself. people learning how to relate to themself positively In Spite Of the Love they've experienced. how actions, interactions, relations are guided by principles that are not contingent on the affective, re: Feelings, but on externally evident contexts and patterns and consequences. what of it if you're Hated by someone whose ability to manifest that or not has no control over you still living your life b/c nobody's entitled to someone feeling a certain way towards them but someone feeling a certain way towards someone doesn't entitle them to enforcing a status of Less on them in any way either. why's something Internal have to be considered universal. why's anything have to be considered universal, as though if there's anything that doesn't apply to absolutely anyone then those outside that might be Less in some "legitimate" way. there's that: you're a person and they're a person, and who are you to consider yourself More of a person than them, and who are they to consider themself More of a person than you. "this too is Love" what if it isn't

is any idea of Love challenged by potentially Not subsuming more precise, nuanced, granular, complex, perhaps incongruous concepts into one vague assertion. what of recognition. acknowledgment. respect, care, intimacy, collaboration, accompaniment, without fundamentally necessitating particular emotions, status, even particulars of relationships. "relationships" in the sense of how does xyz affect abc & vice versa: relationality. "if you want or enjoy anything: love" how about everyone's experience of their interiority is their own. why is it important for you to believe a particular commonality must be at play. "if you don't believe in eternal torment of your damned soul what's stopping you from killing everyone rn" = "if you don't believe in Doing Bad Things Feels Bad what's stopping you from Doing Bad Things rn" = "if you're guided by the Good Feeling Love you'll be Doing Good Things" like, will you. when people instead attach any concept of Love to more fundamental concepts of respect for everyone else as equals to oneself and what actions and principles support others then it's like i mean yeah sure same diff in this case. when it's about how something that originates as a personal interior experience is a claim over any/everyone else's? whyme (rhymes with "rhyme"). versus anything that may be considered Universal being something that also does not necessarily stem from or is not contained within any particular self. universe is universal? everything affecting the existence of everything else? doesn't start or stop in any particular person's experience as themself, the way their thoughts and feelings can. i can't think of any of the like Concepts Ideals Principles Beliefs etc i would have that i'd describe as "love." and what of it. works fine for anyone who does so long as that Love is not something that must be Universally Human(tm) or where any willingness to consider some idea synonymous / overlapping / relevant does not just so happen to require "so you still really mean Love :)" like as though a christian universalist was still gonna have to always be telling people how jesus is everywhere & all good things are jesus, vice versa. like if you think everyone will be reconciled with christian god in the end then why do you need to push it. if everything is Love & Love is behind anything that helps anyone then what is there to convince oneself or anyone else of. what is there even to talk about. versus if i were to find/replace "love" with "politics" in that sentence & then in any instance there would be plenty to talk about lmao b/c it would have to do with any specifics about the situation & any events/actions/external matters that could be relevant. the actual Reality of your Real Feelings start & end with you even as they also play into how your existence affects others' existence. gotta believe everyone else is feeling Love? okay, that would still be their own business lol. & what if they weren't. say love is everywhere & that's the answer: well no it isn't b/c we can discern what goes on in the everywherelove world. so anyways: what could we do regardless? feeling more love is self-contained i.e. your personal business. what of any/everyone else. die cry hate. love loses. recognition regardless of the emotions happening. being loveless. being despised. those who go "so anyways"

[drdemonprince]

People who are concerned about problematic or triggering kinks often couch these concerns in highly reasonable-sounding reactions and make what seems like highly reasonable requests.

They point out that lots of the most upsetting kinks may remind a person of their worst traumas, for example, and that these kinks, when played out, can resemble actual abuse so closely that the kink communities may attract bad actors who genuinely do wish to do harm.

They may allow that some kink practitioners are themselves survivors, and tolerate taboo kink's existence insofar as the correct people find it therapeutic, but they'll qualify that it should always be made clear what is fantasy and what is reality.

But ultimately, people making these arguments will assert, there are certain things that a simply beyond the pale -- across the line and wrong.

A lot of people say these things earnestly, and mean them, and I don't think they intend any harm in saying them. And in comporting their own personal lives, these guardrails may more or less apply well for them. But where it becomes a problem is in issuing dictates about how other people should act, and how kink friendly spaces should run, and how people who hold taboo kinks ought to be regarded.

Does it protect victims to view their kinks as inherently morally suspect?

Does treating a person who is forthright about their taboo desires and who has found a consensual venue to express those desires as more potentially predatory than your random vanilla cishet man help us make kink spaces that are safe?

Is it *true* having a fetish or kink makes a person more dangerous than someone that doesn't?

What's an acceptable reason to have a taboo fetish and what's an unacceptable reason? Who decides?

How might linking sexual practices that are already highly stigmatized and associated with queernees to abuse lead to increasing those group members' vulnerability?

Are communities where vetting of sexual play partners and frank discussions of consent are routine somehow more dangerous to be in than the vanilla world, where such things rarely happen?

What is a suitable way of flagging that fantasy is fantasy and real life is real life? Who decides?

Are certain real life enactments of a fantasy always wrong even when they are consensual, simply because they look bad/intense?

Which practices are okay to partake in in real life?

Who decides? Who decides? What happens to the people who violate those other people's rules?

You don't have to be interested in every kink and you don't have to visit all kink spaces. It's fine if you find certain fetishes disturbing, gross, triggering, a deal breaker, or reminiscent of your own abuse (and I'm really sorry that those things happened to you). But those entirely legitimate feelings in NO way translate to a need for anyone to place restrictions on how others play or fantasize or comport themselves in their own spaces.

Not all spaces will be for you, but please understand that for those of us who are kinky and queer, 99.9999999999% of all social spaces in the world are already viscerally violently NOT for us. Let us have our spaces to pretend to be puppy dogs and kitty cats and siblings and vampires and home invaders and monsters and rape victims and rapists and murderers and dead bodies and babies and robots and dolls and video game characters and everything else.

You don't have to like it but you don't have the authority to say we don't get to do it, and nobody should.

[edwinspaynes]

You know, I've been mulling over how the streaming business model - specifically the @netflix business model - actively discourages the creation of diverse shows.

Netflix's idea that everything has to be a Big Hit caters to the concept that everything that's worth making should be mass-streamlined for the largest possible audience. That audience is, of course, going to fall into majority demographics - straight, cisgender, neurotypical, probably white (though I don't really feel comfortable speaking about that so much as a white person myself. If a PoC wants to add onto this post, I'll reblog it.)

Anything with queer representation is going to be heavily watered down or tailored to a cishet audience if we are to follow the Netflix business model to its natural conclusion. Shows like Dead Boy Detectives, Ratched, First Kill, Shadow and Bone, and Warrior Nun include nuanced stories about queer characters and their journeys, and the sad fact is that many cishet people simply don't even care to try to relate to these stories. They're overlooked in favour of straight-made, straight-majority shows like Bridgerton, Never Have I Ever, or Stranger Things. All three of these shows include a queer side character, but that character is either never fleshed out or made queer in the most perfunctory and performative way possible. Straight audiences still care to watch them for the straight characters. This leads to the cancelation of authentic queer shows because they don't "have the numbers" to be hits.

(Btw, I can say with confidence that Dead Boy Detectives at least did have the numbers needed to be a hit, and they're ever-growing. But walk with me and take Netflix's stupid ass claim at face value for a second.)

No shit queer shows are going to get canceled if you're basing everything on "hit" numbers.

According to the Williams Institute, 5.5% of US adults identify as LGBT. That's a pretty huge minority, which is surprising for most of us queer people who tend to hang out in groups like little queer magnets. But it's true. Even if half of the cishet population is happy enough to watch queer shows, that's still only 55.5% of people who are maybe going to watch. And we can't expect everyone to watch every Netflix show. That's unreasonable.

So, to summarize, you're going to only make hit shows? That means you're only catering to majority-audiences. That means that we are going to have NO diverse media that doesn't get the ax.

It also really sucks that Netflix seems to use Heartstopper (a great show!) as its "bbbut we're not homophobic" billboard. Like, okay! You have one cute little coming out show. And we love it! Doesn't make you an A++ Ally, though.

But what about other queer stories? Ones that aren't about queerness? Why can't we see ourselves as supernatural detectives or vampire debutantes or morally gray psychiatric nurses?

In the immortal words of one of the best, most complex queer characters ever to exist, "it's so fucking stupid it's unbelievable."

[manicpixieyandere]

WWDITS Managed The Impossible:

Queerbait with QUEER characters!?

What a finale last night huh? While parts of it were enjoyable and funny, it's also hard to miss how incredibly shallow the whole thing feels. Let us explain!

First off, this show refuses to have a single emotional moments. People call it the "shit and fart" show for a reason. The earlier seasons left some room for emotional moments and development but the later seasons completely shit on any nice moment they have with a joke.

We get that the show's gimmick is that just like a sitcom, the vampires never change. And that really is an interesting concept! But in the finale they completely ignore a theme THEIR OWN SHOW SET UP! That the vampire did in fact change this time, just a little bit. And why did they change? Guillermo! Over six seasons we get to see how the vampires grow emotionally or explore new endeavors all because of Guillermo. But the finale completely writes that part away and decides that the vampires never changed, completely undoing six seasons of development.

Now let's get to the thing that ticked us off the most. A show shouldn't be judged purely on whether its popular ship got together or not, but for this show that is a major valid criticism. It's not like the internet was being the internet and made up a random ship that made no sense, this ship had been hinted for YEARS! Despite its characters (both Nador and Guillermo) being canonically queer, their relationship follows that of classic queerbait beats. Theres just enough hints and breadcrumbs to keep the queer audience interested without ever having to even deliver on the queer aspects of the characters. This goes beyond Nandor and Guillermo as well! Ever seen Nadja or Laszlo have SERIOUS relationships with characters of the same sex? No! Anything remotely gay is played for laughs and not real representation. Some moments in the show showed care to its queerness. Guillermo's episode about coming out is great! But the show refuses to deliver on any of the queer plot lines it set up (honestly refuses to even wrap up any plot lines).

Now let's talk about those alternate endings. Honestly IMO the Nadja hypnosis with three alternate scenes in the reruns was genius! Very creative, but dear god did this fumble the bag. If they spent the rest of the season tying up loose threads then this would have been a fine concept. But what ends up happening is it's a non canon time waster in a finale that has too much to wrap up. It is quite literally, a waste of time. They needed to spend this time wrapping up arcs instead.

Theres also the case of the Nandermo scene. During the final alternate scene of the night we get to see human Nandor and Guillermo in one of the audience's "perfect endings". This is such a god damn slap in the face to anyone who cared about these characters. It is quite literally making fun of the audience (very Sherlock of you WWDITS). It's once again for the final time playing Nandermo (and queerness in general) for laughs. They're baiting the ship right in your face and telling you they think your idea is dumb. That it's a ridiculous joke. Ignoring the fact THEY ARE THE ONES WHO SET IT UP!!!

Then we also have the weird homophobic rhetoric from the cast and crew. In many interviews there have been statements where people say something like "it's important in this day and age to show that men can still be friends and not everything has to be sexual". Now one question; who the fuck said otherwise? Don't know if you've noticed but queer people are a MINORITY. Most men who know each other, are friends! There's gay men sure, but they're a minority. And this extends to fiction as well. Sure the internet will ship everyone, but an internet ship does not dictate canon. Theres not a lot of queer representation out there compared to all the cishet characters out there.

Frankly we have no idea where this rhetoric of men needing to prove they can just be friends came from. The exact same rhetoric is being used for Jayce and Viktor in Arcane as well. It just screams toxic masculinity not being able to handle being in queer spaces (fandom spaces (especially WWDITS and Arcane) tend to be quite queer leaning). Queer people want representation. That's why queerbait hurts so bad. You think you're finally seen only to be lied to and used for a profit. It's so incredibly disrespectful to the fans.

WWDITS really fumbled its last season and frankly has been going down hill for years. A great lesson on predatory ship baiting so bad it made its canonically queer characters into queerbait. That's genuinely fucking impressive in the worst way possible. Not to mention that random ass MAGA Guide thing (like wtf???).

Not even including the queer stuff this show just failed to wrap up any of its plot lines or give any emotional satisfaction to the viewer.

Anyway this finale really pissed us off, bye.

[shinjiikar1]

I've been trying to think about what I want to say about these first two episodes of Love in the Big City. I'm watching it slowly, it's a show that makes me want to sit rather than rush ahead, and it also hits a little too close to home to enjoy freely (I've only watched the first two episodes so far and my knowledge of the rest of the story is fairly vague so bear with me).

Go Young experiences two major losses. The parallels between these losses, what could have been vs. what can never be again was what particularly stood out to me.

Mi Ae represents a beautiful time that is forever lost. After she gets married, there's no one he can be fully himself with. He simply doesn't have another relationship on that level, platonic or otherwise, and that's truly such an isolating experience. Who do you call when you're in trouble? Who do you complain to? Who will always be your first port of call?

Often, youthful friendships are particularly intense, you're at a point where the world feels so enormous but you don't quite know what to do with it, or yourself yet. Everything still feels new and exciting. You meet people who understand you in ways you've never been understood and can't imagine it won't last forever.

And then you experience that loss for the first time.

Kim Nam Gyu experiences it too. It's clear early in their relationship that Go Young is overwhelmed and uncomfortable with the intensity of Nam Gyu's feelings (his expressions during the padlock and ring scenes in particular). He feels suffocated and anxious, he's not ready for it. So, rather harshly (at least the first time) he ends things. I've been on both ends, which makes it a lot easier to empathize with both of them. While I feel for Nam Gyu incredibly (especially as I read him as very neurodivergent), that discomfort is not something easily resolved, and it's only made worse by his inability to move on. But how can he when he also has no one else?

In the end, Go Young mentions that he missed out on what could have been a long and lasting love with Nam Gyu but I wonder if that's true. Would he have eventually opened up and reciprocated that intensity? Or would he have continued to wallow in his discomfort and let that resentment pile up even further? It's hard to say, but based on the way he behaves, I think the latter. He just wasn't in a stage of life to accept it yet, without the experiences he has with Mi Ae, and without Nam Gyu's death, would he have made it to that point before it became too much? He says he didn't really believe love was possible for someone like him, it took him a lot to get to the point where he even starts to believe it; I find it hard to imagine that he could've gotten there purely through a relationship with Nam Gyu at that stage, as sad as that might be.

Mi Ae offers a bit of an interesting foil here. She chooses loss, but the loss of her authentic self. She chooses the safe option, a stable relationship and job, pleasing her parents, following societal expectations. Maybe the guy isn't quite right, but in the end what seems most important to her is that security, and she's willing to take a loss to get it. As others in the tags have pointed out, Go Young doesn't have that option. There is no option that will (mostly) guarantee him security and safety that would even be remotely tolerable and grant him any degree of happiness. Perhaps he could have chosen to lose parts of himself to be with Nam Gyu, but that wouldn't have provided him the type of security Mi Ae enjoys. If something went wrong and it didn't work out, he could stand to lose even more.

I think that's something that a lot of cishet people fail to understand, and part of what these episodes have done so well for me. Really underlining how the queer experience differs and how isolating it can be (which I think is reflected in Nam Gyu as well).

[verycharismaticdragon]

Y'know I'm not going to go and argue with people but I'm. kinda weirded out by the "Shen Yuan's family was actually neglectful/awful/abusive" takes? Because we have a story where:

a point is made about cycles of violence and how abuse creates more abuse (with Qiu Jianluo - Shen Jiu - Bing-ge sequence).

a point is made about how the person can turn out very differently depending on their environment growing up (with differences between Bing-ge and Bing-mei).

And like... how does one look at those two points, then at Shen Yuan saying he had a loving family, and forgoes the obvious conclusion - that growing up in a stable home is what sets him apart in the world of PIDW (including from literal author of the world who is a lonely and embittered child of the divorce!) and allows him to change it with the power of love & kindness & bonding with people - in favor of deciding that his family was ~actually~ horrible?..

In that case, what makes him capable of breaking the cycle? Some kind of innate goodness or kindness? That, for some reason, no other character happened to possess? Right. Nice going completely devaluing Shen Jiu's tragedy.

To explain the last point: we get a lot of backstory for Shen Jiu, and the obvious takeaway from it is that he was not born a scum villain. That he did have a desire to do (and be) good, but it just couldn't flourish - because of a combination of terrible circumstances of his youth, his personal flaws, and the demands of the meta-narrative.

Thing is... two of those problems, he shares with Shen Yuan. Shen Yuan has his own personal flaws aplenty, even if they differ from Shen Jiu's, and a literal manifestation of the meta-narrative haunting him. But, unlike Shen Jiu, he happened to have a good family. That is their fundamental difference.

If one argues that Shen Yuan's family situation actually wasn't good, then what allows him to be so different from Shen Jiu? Isn't that saying that Shen Yuan was just a good person from the start... and Shen Jiu was just a bad person from the start? you know, the exact sentiment that made Shen Jiu give up on himself? And isn't it flattening Shen Jiu's story from a tragedy of a person who was broken out of his desire to do good by his terrible circumstances, into just 'a bad guy doing bad things because he's bad'? like, exactly what Airplane did to him in PIDW...

---

But, some of you may ask, don't we have evidence that Shen Yuan wasn't actually very happy in his past life?

Thing is, I don't disagree with that! I just think it didn't necessarily have anything to do with the quality of his home life.

For starters, having a loving family is not everything. Like, even if you just look at Maslow's pyramid, "love and belonging" is actually in the middle of the thing. Shen Yuan could have a perfectly fine, caring family and still be unfulfilled on "esteem" (recognition and respect from other ppl + personal feelings of accomplishment) and "self-actualization" (becoming the best possible version of himself) levels.

And that's before we factor in that he's a(n obviously if you read between the lines) queer dude who grew up in a country that criminalizes queerness which is something I don't see brought up a lot in discussions of the strength of his internalized homophobia, and the possibility that he is an undiagnosed neurodivergent person (i personally hc him as having adhd-I, i know there are also ppl with autistic headcanons, could be both, etc etc), and the influence of his social circle outside his family (cishet dudes on the forums, from what he know, so not the most positive and uplifting bunch)...

---

Lastly, while I think the thematic evidence from the first half of this meta is more telling, there are also a few small in-text details that prove Shen Yuan's words about how close-knit his family was.

First, the way he compares Yue Qingyuan to his older brothers in the very beginning, at the time he is still finding his footing and YQY is the one person looking out for him. (On the subject of SY!SQQ and YQY, just read this post, I won't be able to put it better.) Shen Yuan is explicitly "feeling at home in the atmosphere of brotherly love".

Second, the fact that we know he read his younger sister's danmei novels. On Shen Yuan's side, literally how committed he had to be to supporting his sister's interests, when we know from being in his head how determined he is about playing ostrich with anything and everything gay. No shit he spoiled her, I believe that one hundred percent. And on his sister's side, the level of trust she has towards her brother? Having full confidence that she could make him read gay bdsm and he wouldnt love her any less?..

---

So yeah, I think all signs point to Shen family being as close-knit and loving as Shen Yuan says.

[menlove]

in honor of pride month. how queer (or Not) do you think the bugs are. for science

here's my semi controversial takes okay take them w a grain of salt idk these men (...people?) anyway

paul: I do think he's bi. whether or not he's like out to people around him or even himself who knows but he's. 100% bi. my evidence is well. really everything w john but also just his Consistent flirting with men in so so so so so many interviews. (my joking answer is that he's a lesbian. him and linda are lesbians.)

george: also bi, mostly bc of the stuff surrounding dylan & some of his lyrics. I feel like there's a quote somewhere where he alludes to having done stuff w men but I could absolutely be making that up in my mind lmao. feel like he also could have been sold on the idea that souls are genderless and so not necessarily Be a man in the more spiritual sense. like if he were a 20-30 smth year old today. or I mean even in his actual life I just don't know but I Could See It. 0 evidence for that beyond how many transfemmes I know adore george

john: CONTROVERSIAL ONE IM SORRYYYYY. but he's definitely the one that's For Sure Queer like we all know this. & a lot of people use the bi label bc he had relationships w women & this would be the easiest answer but I'm gonna be really and totally honest... to me a lot of his/yoko's/everyone else's quotes surrounding his attraction to men vs women make it sound Very comphet driven. like his quotes about yoko being the perfect woman bc she was so much like a man/himself in drag. "you think of rock hudson when we do it". him constantly comparing yoko & paul & never really discussing cynthia and in general just disregarding her existence entirely. (which is very shitty btw his treatment of cyn makes me rage, it just also reeks of marriage out of comphet and obligation while he was actually committing himself to paul, whether that was ever fulfilled or not). his general angst around being called gay. etc. to me he reads more as a gay man that never fully came around to identifying that way. but for the sake of not speculating on a dead man's sexuality I'll just say he was Definitely Queer. also given some of his quotes surrounding identity and gender and whatnot I do think he maaay have been gender queer as well but that one is definitely more speculative and vibe based. I could see a modern john or john if he lived being more genderfluid but We'll Never Know.

ringo: token straight I'm sorry buddy. I can enjoy a good fictional depiction of him being bi (shout out to that paul/ringo fic in hamburg that made me chew glass) but as for like. real life I haven't seen a single shred of anything pointing to him being anything but cishet. maybe! but if we're solely talking what I think is Actually going on... no.

[flavoredfaeman]

Okay making my own long post so that I can get out all my thoughts clearly

So to start off 1. I think that queer baiting is a completely useless term, in part because all it is used for is arguing whether or not something is queer enough (in part because queerbaiting is an incredibly rare phenomenon in western media), 2. I think that the way male queerness is treated in Deadpool is unfortunate, and 3. Gay people are allowed to find joy in goofy movies and it isn't that serious.

**this is all my opinion, a lot of these topics are up to personal interpretation just like with any other movies or media discussion (I am trying to also cover multiple perspectives here, but I am only one person)

Let's get one thing clear right off the bat, no one who is familiar with marvel and disney actually thought that Deadpool and Wolverine were going to kiss/fuck nasty/become an item. (Those were jokes guys.) Those of us who were hoping for queerness were hoping for some subtext at most or the Deadpool-typical type jokes where he smacks a guy's ass, makes a quippy comment and moves on. And within that context of expectation, we were given way more than we expected.

Now, I will say that it is absolutely sad that we can have these movies with gay jokes, but that actually portraying queer characters seems to be too much for them. As is typical (to my knowledge) of bigger movies, they were allowed to make a side lesbian couple (this is a much larger topic, but for the purposes of this conversation, let me add on: cishet men think lesbians are hot + women are not considered to be able to have "real" relationships without men. So they can get greenlit a bit easier.), but Deadpool is not allowed to have meaningful connections to other men.

Deadpool's jokes about gayness can be interpreted in different ways. To some people, they feel hurtful and deriding. To others, they are the jokes made by a man who is comfortable in his identity, and who makes jokes to take power away from people who may want to use his queerness against him. It's really hard to argue this one way or the other, since Deadpool isn't a real person who we can ask to clarify. As such, how one feels about these jokes usually sits within the context of how they view Deadpool and the movies in general. Personally, I think that these jokes are meant to shock audiences, but I don't think they are actually intended to be hurtful. Especially when the funny part of most of the jokes is when he is making them, not that it's gay. Like, straight or gay, it's funny to talk about sex in a really emotional/tense moment, or in the middle of a fight. Particularly when you see how he treats the other queer people around him, not to mention, you know, the fact that he's canonically pansexual. (Frankly I find it kinda weird to go "aah there's a queer man making jokes about being a queer man!! How terrible!!" but that's my prerogative)

From movie 2 to 3 there does seem to be a change in how queerness is being treated. A positive change, in my opinion. Because Deadpool isn't making all that many jokes in this one, he's got a few for sure (Wolverine has one or two as well!!) but a lot of what he's doing is becoming genuinely close to Wolverine. This shifts the dynamic, now it's not just Deadpool making gay jokes or advances to people who don't really reciprocate (to my memory, though I feel like Colossus may have flirted back at like the end of Deadpool 2?), instead the jokes are being reciprocated/responded to and the characters are being put on even ground. Wolverine is a realized character, just like Deadpool, so they are able to grow closer over the course of the movie, and form an actual connection and bond. (Also a lot of the gay jokes become "wow isn't wolverine so hot?" jokes)

Important to also add that yes, they do start the movie with a very fraught and tense relationship, they are both very violent characters, Wolverine has crazy anger issues, and Deadpool makes everything a joke. All of these things are important to their characters and story! If you took some of those early interactions out of context you could argue that Wolverine isn't reciprocating or something of the like, but that would require ignoring the majority of the film. They are kinda crazy and impervious characters who have opposite personalities in a high stakes setting, of course they are going to fight and try to harm one another.

As much as it's already been talked to death, it is genuinely important to discuss the metaphors in this movie. Because as funny as the Honda jokes are, that scene is heavily implied to be a sex scene. This is the art of film, what you cannot show the viewer, you must convey some other way. The fight happens to You're The One That I Want, they repeatedly stab intimate places (stabbing as metaphor for penetration), the way they position themselves in the car and through themselves at each other, and the camera panning towards the bumper as the car shakes (a classic fade to black sex move). This is all movie language, and it is vital to understanding what a movie is portraying.

The climax is also very important in this regard, because as camp as it is, they were willing to die for each other and in that willingness they were able to save each other. Like A Prayer is playing, they are holding hands, when Wolverine's shirt explodes Deadpool takes a moment to oggle him despite the fact that they're both getting absolutely electrocuted or whatever.

Now, despite all of this absolutely beautiful subtext, Deadpool and Wolverine do not get together. That is absolutely an important part of this conversation, their relationship is ultimately left ambiguous. But a queer man being in a homoerotic ambiguous relationship with another man, does not a queer bait make.

Vanessa is an important part of this discussion of course - though to preface this, I find their relationship really boring so I don't really remember a lot of what happened between them in the first movie. Deadpool is canonically pansexual, so his relationship with any woman does not make him any less queer. Though, it could be argued that she's been kept around as a character to make sure he's always in or longing for a straight relationship.

Some people have been arguing that the movie ends with Deadpool getting back together with her, which blatantly does not happen. They were in a weird stage of exes being friends at the start of the movie, where she was in a new relationship, and he was still pining. All he does at the end of the movie is go over to her to let her know he cares about her, which could be romantic or platonic - but IS NOT them getting together. And again - even if he still is in love with her by the end of the movie, he is still queer.

In addition, I don't think that Deadpool is monogamous. He's constantly flirting and showing interest in many different people. Now I don't remember if he ever has a conversation with Vanessa about monogamy, so I could be missing an important part of their dynamic. But as it stands to my knowledge, Deadpool being in love with Vanessa doesn't mean he's not in love with Wolverine.

Both of these potential relationships end in the air. And of the two (if we assume monogamy is important) Vanessa said she had a boyfriend, and Wolverine just moved into Deadpool's apartment. So Wolverine is in a much better position to end up with Deadpool than Vanessa is.

It's also good to note that everything we got in this movie was fought tooth and nail for by Ryan Reynolds and the movie's team. There is every chance that Deadpool and Wolverine's relationship would not be implied but rather outright in a world where studio opinions don't matter.

Everything that I've just described is not queerbaiting. A movie with queer people in it canonically, is not queerbaiting. Queerbaiting is when media sells a character/relationship as queer in order to get an audience and then tells that audience that they are not actually queer (usually done incredibly insultingly, think Sherlock). Marvel and Disney do not need to market towards queer people to get an audience, in fact marketing towards queer people is more likely to lose fans, and gain hate. It's also important to note that the marketing hasn't been marketing these two as queer, they aren't almost kissing in material, the cover is a friendship charm, the most they do is address the fact that Wolverine/Hugh Jackman is hot af. So it literally isn't queerbaiting.

Now, whether or not someone is disappointed in the level of queerness is completely up to the individual! Everyone is welcome to their opinions and feelings about the movie, disappointed or delighted. But a movie is not queerbaiting just because you are disappointed.

[genderqueerdykes]

i think that certain parts of the community are starting to become more and more exclusionist. like im starting to see a lot more pro-lesboy spaces say "lesboy doesnt mean trans man/cis man! full men cant be lesboys!" or pro-mspec monospec spaces say "mspec monospec doesnt mean being both things for the same attraction! it means being mspec for sex/romance and monospec for the other!! no one is a romantic mspec AND monospec at the same time!" or just. Things like that.

i did not see this ask until now and am i glad you sent it

short answer: yes, agreed, it's petty queer infighting that doesn't need to be happening

so from what i've noticed is most of online queer discourse really at the end of the day is about what an individual person thinks that queer label isn't, and not what it is. people are very nihilistic right now, and really love to take everything in bad faith. we're seeing a rash of reactionary content in general where people take their knee jerk reaction as their stance on an entire complex concept that requires time to digest and process. like literally the most farfetched dogshit take you've ever seen because they just found out about a concept and bullshitted and answer.

certain people wanna think they're experts on queerness overnight because they just realized they're [xyz] or whatever other reason they want to be the expert on queerness. really what it is is people who want to tell other people what it is, but not listen. like it really just is people who want to say "this is how queerness works. shut up because i'm the only one who knows why. don't ask me for a reason". like it's about control. it's about people who have never done any research into queer history in any country on any continent, has not interacted with their local queer community who still want to have a captive audience about what queerness "really is". so instead of learning history and talking to other people they tell you how they feel and spin it as the truth.

other people just send the most bizarre angry posts, asks, DMs, whatever, about how they hate this 1 really specific kind of person that they've never actually met, but hypothetically they would hate. it's mind games. people get caught up in their own thoughts long enough to believe the hypothetical guy they made up isn't real. it's the strawman argument. i don't know what compels humans to do this but for whatever reason, people really love making up a fictional guy to get offended at. it's really bizarre. if cishet men wanted to identify as lesbians, they would literally already be doing it

if you know what logical fallacies are to some extend and have been around internet discussions in general for a long time, you start to recognize the patterns. it's a type of entitled attitude that leads a person to not be in a community for very long. it's a certain kind of person who gets a rise out of being a jackass. like i've tried to word that better. no. that's what it is. like people are aware of the fact that they're being a jackass and continue to do it anyway. people are getting a kick out of this. like. people are chasing the rush you get from fucking with someone. that's all it is. when people say "how can they be so cruel?" they're chasing a mental high that fades extremely quickly, so they have to keep doing it over, and over, and over.

it's like how do i put it. now that social media is so widespread, just about everyone has one on at least a few platforms at this point. people are being exposed to these conversations. and you're gonna have some complete noobs who come in thinking they can define lesbianism because they realized they were a lesbian yesterday and it's like. people will keep fighting the same tired old argument about how trans men can't be lesbians for the 9439030985th time and meanwhile they're ignoring the 50 trans male dykes interacting with one of their mutuals like i think it's literally dumb as hell that there are people on this website mentally abusing strangers on the internet because they refuse to crack open a book, read a zine or open a pdf and read the biographies of real world trans male lesbians, or even just read an article about one. like it's easier and more fun for them to pretend it's not happening it's wild as hell to me

anyway, yes. it's really stupid. people are getting caught up in all the wrong parts of what separates identities. it's the compulsion to draw lines in the sand that is forced upon us in our binary obsessed society. it is likely tied to black and white thinking, and catastrophizing, which both can happen when someone is stressed and looking at a situation in a maladaptive way, either due to perspective or neurotype. sometimes this legitimately can be due to someone's mental health, so it's not an excuse, but it's an explanation for why people get so riled up. those headspaces get you very heated and it's difficult to come down from. it requires a lot of time learning emotional coping skills to walk backwards from those types of episodes

[scarlivings]

sometimes i hate being transfem, because even if i find hope to look pretty on the outside, my insides are still so viscerally ugly and there's literally nothing anyone can do to clean them. i go to gym class, see that pretty emo white cis girl and think "if i don't look like her soon i'll harm myself." i open youtube, see a fellow trans girl who passes as cis and think "why can't that be me?" i feel like i'll never get there, and even if i do get there, the process in between will open even more bullshit for me to deal with. i'll spend years looking like a jarring compromise, two faces overlapping like the local58 sleep video. i won't be able to pick a bathroom, clothes, etc. whether i pick boys or girls. and even other trans people will mistake me for a fetishizer or mockery of some kind, i'll look like a shitty caricature drawn by some twitter blue checkmark neonazi, hours spent on nails and makeup falling apart upon the slightest regrowth of my beard.

when i'm older and shapeshifting in real time, i'll have to worry about just barely putting myself together, hoping somebody from afar doesn't notice my beard clashing with my eyeliner and try to physically attack me. i see a trans guy complain about getting weird stares or getting mistaken for a child and think "he has it so much easier." and i know it's wrong, and it makes me scared of unknowingly being a bigot with a fetish or something. i wish my constant paranoias were as small as "i hope nobody asks for my id!" instead of "i hope nobody curb stomps me for having a slightly deep voice!" carrying my phone in public with the google search result for 911 in the background in case this ever happens, covering my camera with my paw at all times so nobody thinks i'm some pervert taking creep shots of them.

my gender dysphoria manifests as the culmination of every toxic, two-faced cishet white locker room gossip girl i've ever encountered, chastising me for not fitting the unrealistic standards they impose on themselves. everything about me is so masculine. my personality is so typical of a teenage boy, wasting hours in video games, obsessed with music. completely ignore the fact said music is experimental noise made by trans women, because that makes my taste a trans stereotype, which is even worse for me. nobody will take me seriously as a girl if i'm just like every other trans girl. i'm already a lot like every other trans girl, i have that chronically online sense of humor, the interests

my build is too manly, too blocky, certainly not curvy. everyone says i'm average weight but my stomach still looks bloated when i lie down. i was built to be some professional sports player, that's what everyone says, which totally isn't racially motivated! and on that topic, racial stereotypes exaggerate my masculinity even further. black traits are considered stereotypically unattractive and masculine, even on cis women. and you know what's especially masculine and a black stereotype? being this fucking angry.

sometimes i hate being transfem.

[pixieprincessana]

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH 🏳️‍🌈

I have celebrated pride for many years now privately or with one foot still in the closet because of the world I grew up in. I was raised in a conservative christian family, I went to a christian university, and I married a cishet man. During my time in college I dove into learning more about the Bible and even added Bible and Theology as a second major. Through studying more I began to deconstruct my faith realizing it was never mine to begin with but my family’s. I married the man I dated all through college because we were told it was what we were supposed to do. He was a good, kind, and sensitive man which made it easy to overlook many things that just didn’t feel “right.” There was a moment six months into our marriage where I knew I was queer in some capacity and that I owed it to him to say something because if it made him change his mind about me I should let him go. We agreed to open up our marriage and become poly so I could explore having queer relationships and he too could explore other relationships and experiences because like me he grew up being told everything surrounding even the idea of sex was evil.

During that time I experienced casual relationships, long term relationships, hook ups, ghosting, heart break among other things until I met Theo, truly who I believe to be the love of my life. We met over TikTok like any classic lesbians do and we quicly went on our first date and from the moment they opened that door I knew (we both would later talk of how we breathed a sign of relief when that door opened because we had unknowingly been waiting for one another all along). Pretty quickly on my husband had spent enough time with the two of us that he could tell something was up and so could I. I had known for quite sometime that I was a lesbian but I couldn’t say it out loud or say it even to myself. Meeting Theo made it MUCH more apparent and I knew I had to tell my ex because I owed it to him to let him go despite how difficult I knew it would prove to be. He was deserving of someone’s love fully and I couldn’t offer that to him. When I finally told him it was difficult to part ways as there was much history between the two of us. We cried a ton, we argued, we cried some more, and we decided it was best to part ways and remain friends. He is still to this day one of my best friends and my biggest ally (we just got lunch last week). Flash forward and Theo and I have been living together for over a year now and this pride I no longer have to only claim parts of who I am I can be loud and proud and full of love for my community! Happy Pride Month from this raging dyke who is living more authentically than ever thought possible 💕

I love you @theoxdarthy

[moii3]

My Candy Love New Gen Episode 8- Little Review&Commentary

!Spoilers Ahead!

I'm not that excited while writing this review today because I honestly feel like a lot of people clocked beemov's ass really fast in regards to how innapropriate this whole story was and i respect the good points ppl made. I don't know how much i can add to this discussion then you guys.

No matter how much some members of the fandom might imply we are being dramatic or harsh in our opinions, i don't agree with them at all. And i want a little round of applause to y'all for not letting this slide.

Devon and Thomas are the two characters that change the story's direction in the way of Ysaline choosing to go with them (everyone but Amanda basically) to try to spy on Roy.

I honestly didn't have any opinion about Devon prior to this but being on Thomas's route currently, this whole thing pissed me off. I really think Thomas has a pretty privilege or something because imagine if there was a guy in your office (well, two guys) that suggested you go spy on your naked coworker and they weren't conventionally attractive 😭 Wouldn't you be more creeped off? Just goes to show attractive people be getting away with everything.

Thomas being possibly/probably being neurodivergent has been discussed here before but like, the comments he made and the way he acted was not it. Grown adults acting like spies.

Devon being their boss and still doing that shit to his supposed "friend" was also an hr nightmare.

Amanda won my heart in this episode by having some sense to refuse to go. Everyone acting like she is so stuck up was the only realistic part of this episode tbh. Feeling like you are the only sane person in a work setting is real.

Also beemov making Amanda openly imply this whole idea is off putting and innapropriate makes this whole thing worse. Like you knew what you were doing& how it might have been recieved by writing this.

I played the whole thing towards Thomas's illu to see what happens&how bad the episode went. As i predicted, we didn't see him naked (of course...) and i was relieved this shit didn't get more out of pocket.

Also when it comes to the special scene&illustration, i agree with people saying our romance is moving a little too fast. Like i'm not shaming anyone who says they love quick-paced heated romance stories or games. Nor do i shame people who say they would move fast like this with their date/crush irl. Honestly everyone can do whatever they want as long as they are safe. You do you.

But like is it that crazy not to expect Ysaline being naked in front of the guy she have known for only a few weeks, without not even properly kissing him? (the one on ep 7 doesn't count, come on.)

MCL games usually have more classic slowburn romance elements and i didn't expect this.

I wish i played Amanda's route before but seeing im on this journey with Thomas, i think he has an issue with personal boundaries and this is gonna be pretty interesting..

welp

i think we should start chasing cishet men around with baseball bats.

Elenda and Brune agreeing to go with these freaks..

Stand up queens..

I usually put more illustrations&more commentary to these but i don't feel like this one is going to be long.

There is a month left for the next one so, until next time

xoxo

[howlsmovingmind]

The phrase “The Oscar Wilde sort” is one of my favorite things ever. It used to be as readily understood as “fruity” is now, but if I tell someone I’m “the Oscar Wilde sort”, ALMOST EVERYONE AROUND ME IS CONFUSED. And that’s hilarious.

“Friend of Dorothy” has, in a way, kept its previous meaning and use because it’s still coded to be something mostly only queer people understand. My brother is a well read person whom I typically expect to understand my references. I said something like, “Well, I am a friend of Dorothy after all.” And he looked at me with such confusion. My brother, the most well read person I have met in my small town (keeps himself informed on current events, history, and internet culture) didn’t know queer history hardly at all. Lavender Menace, Lavender Scare, the YMCA, Sappho, the word Sapphic, Plato and his Platonic ideals, cowboys, or Polari.

This made me realize just how little cishet people know about queer history. Maybe even how little queer people know about queer history. We aren’t really taught these things in the States and the people around us don’t typically have knowledge about any of it either. We have to go digging for it because we want to know about the people like us. We want to know more about our history. Because it is ours. It’s personal and special.

Him not knowing these bits of history confused me. I thought, for some reason, he knew everything I knew and then some. But he was just as uninformed as I was. But he didn’t care. Because it didn’t mean anything for him. (And that’s not a problem!) Polari seems like a dead language a lot of the time. But interactions like this make me realize that there is actually still a place for it. Because, really, it has evolved to look and sound different, but it’s still there.

I feel like I’ve lost the plot of this post, but I’m gonna keep going because I want to.

Queer history is so beautiful and human. It’s so unbelievably human. That’s why literature like “The Picture of Dorian Gray”, “The Price of Salt”, and “Maurice” are so important. Sappho’s poems and knowing they’re about women is important. Knowing Walt Whitman was queer is important. Knowing Emily Dickinson was queer is important. This is a whole group of people who have been hidden from the public eye and hated and scorned and killed because of who they love. And it is about who they love. You cannot tell me this is simply about the physical aspect of it all. Because it’s not. It’s really not. The AIDs crisis? There was no way that was just about having sex. AIDS was such a problem because they wouldn’t help the queer people affected by it. Only when straight couples were being affected did they do anything.

Queer shipping does not lose the plot of stories or discount everything that a piece of media has explored and built up. Like people shipping Anderperry. It’s not a crazy thing! It does not take away from Neil’s acting being a point of contention between him and his father. It could add a layer to maybe why it was such a big deal beyond his father simply being a controlling jerk and not allowing Neil to engage in something outside of what he’s “supposed” to do. Mr. Perry made Neil drop the school paper at the beginning because it would be “distracting”. We know that Mr. Perry is controlling and never would have allowed Neil to act no matter what. Because it wasn’t the plan. But Neil being queer adds a layer to this narrative that a lot of people have seen and found themselves in. It doesn’t have to distract from the story and the themes that the author or creator is presenting. It can add a layer. I mean, Walt Whitman being such a huge part of the film and message all throughout adds to the queer message.

I just think that… it’s interesting and important and it means more to so many people than we assume. History and every aspect of humanity is important.

And saying “I’m the Oscar Wilde sort” is objectively hilarious.

An Oscar Wilde Fan,

Howl