#Is my inability to draw men showing?

[bloodyfries]

Adding the fact that Shen Yuan was a rich kid plus the fact that he thinks that running a peak, teaching disciples and going on missions is just lazing around then I wouldn't be surprised if he did some find of sport

Ok, here me out, a lot of rich kids tend to do a whole bunch of extra circulars (trust me, I went to a school filled with trust fund kids) and Shen Yuan considers himself lazy despite very clearly doing a lot. So, he probably got that notion because in his first life he had a jammed pack schedule and uses that as a comparison.

So with this in mind he probably has a bunch of skills, one of those being some form of sport.

Anyway, flash forward to some time post cannon and a wife plot happens. In the original PIDW it was a excuse for a sport episode (or character(s) in this case) with future wives and current wives to wear short clothes and run around. It's probably written because it a fan favorite trope in media and will mist likely bring in a bigger audience (SY can be heard cursing airplane for unoriginalty, contradictions and historical inaccuracy). We'll just say that some kingdom/demon royal family decided instead of violence (because who could ever beat Bingge in a fight?) to use a sports tournament as a way to decide who get to rule.

Well, when this happens in svsss Shen Qingqiu ends up roped into this (ahh, the curse to be a love interest) and just absolutely destroys everyone at off brand tennis (and/or other rich people sports). Luo Binghe would also be destroying people at literally any of the games but he's too busy trying to not lose it over SQQ's (previously stated) short clothing, pulled tightly up hair and skill

[doberbutts]

Tbh I think the comparison to white people might be some simple us vs them thinking (maybe not all the time, though). White people complaining about oppression = nonsense/overeaggeration (if you're myopic), therefore comparing transmascs to white people is a way to call what they say nonsense. Or, if you're under the impression oppression=good person points, then white = bad/wrong, therefore transmascs are bad/wrong. Idk. Lots of these folks have some black/white thinking.

I think the answer is much easier than that.

The majority of people I see using the race analogy to draw a parallel of white vs black racism and trans man vs woman oppression are white themselves. Not everyone, but I would say my casual scroll of Bad Take Havers usually reveals whiteness here.

It does not surprise me at all that the very same white people doing this do not have the nuanced racial understanding to be able to reflect how, for instance, both black communities and latine communities experience racism in different yet similar ways, and how there is both bad blood and also shared history and solidarity between both communities, with many people who exist somewhere in between (afrolatinos) and people who exist completely outside of this equation (other marginalized races of color) or on the fringes (other mixed people of color but with only one of the involved races in this venn diagram) that also may experience their own oppression.

And so, they don't even think to use the comparison of black and Latino understanding, instead choosing to reach for white vs black racial dynamics. They don't have the understanding necessary to get why that's neither a good comparison nor is it a fair one to use especially when this particular conversation was started by trans mascs of color and how prior conversations regarding trans men and mascs occupying a marginalized gender were started by both (cis *and* trans) women of color and trans men and mascs of color.

It also does not escape my attention that those insisting that not only do trans men and mascs have privilege (something I do not completely disagree with, although I think as always it is more nuanced than "have" vs "have not") but also that trans men and mascs are specifically an *oppressor class* are also largely white, and show an inability to understand that "privilege" does not always equally translate to "oppressor". This comes to a head when discussing trans men in powerful positions- teachers, doctors, politicians, business owners, religious leaders, even celebrities- and whether they are pushing harmful rhetoric or if they are holding the line and refusing to budge.

And, while not true in all cases and certainly no one is perfect, because people are people and thus imperfect at the best of times, the majority of all trans people in power hold the line and refuse to budge regarding harm to our community. We can all think of examples- usually celebrities- of otherwise, but those pushing for laws and change are generally hand-in-hand with each other keeping step and refusing to leave their fellow siblings behind.

This does not mean that we cannot *contribute to* or even *lean on* transmisogyny- remember, there were cis women on the Supreme Court gleefully voting away abortion rights even though it directly affects them. There is no identity that makes you immune to bigoted bias, and no identity that protects you from doing harm to others. That is on each of us to do better, to each out in fellowship and solidarity to our fellow humans, and to lift each other out of the pit.

Much like how a Latino friend of mine may experience privilege in that he does not experience the antiblackness I do, and much how I may have privilege that I speak English as my mother tongue and he doesn't in this largely English-language-dominated country, neither of us are inherently each other's oppressors unless we are acting on oppressive bias. Intentionally or otherwise.

Oppression is action, not existence.

But again, I am not surprised a group of largely white people do not understand nearly enough of this nuance as it applies to race to then be able to apply it to gender.

[discoscoob]

YOUNG DONNIE BARKSDALE HEADCANONS

ִ ˙ ✩°˖🍂⋆｡˚ Note: contains upsetting and distressing themes involving teen suicide, murder, abuse and parental neglect. This is angsty as hell, fellas :(

Note ii: I do not intend to romanticise or excuse any of the following, these are merely thoughts and ideas inspired works of fiction. I do not support or defend men like Donnie in the real world. If you think the following will be upsetting or triggering, I strongly advice not reading. You are responsible for your own choices. Thank you!

I’m using Keanu’s character Matt from the film River’s Edge as inspiration and a template for my headcanons for young Donnie Barksdale.

Family Dynamics

➤ Donnie never had a proper father figure in his life growing up and he never knew his real father.

➤ His mother suffered with alcoholism, leading to her neglecting him and his younger siblings.

➤ She would drift between different relationships, often with toxic boyfriends that Donnie would frequently get into verbal or physical fights with in an attempt to defend/protect his mother and younger siblings.

➤ As the oldest sibling, he felt responsible and pressured to fulfill a paternal role for his younger sister and brother.

➤ Prematurely stepping into this paternal role, without any healthy or positive guidance to draw from, meant Donnie didn’t possess the emotional maturity needed in order to fill that role properly.

➤ Donnie received little to no experience of healthy discipline himself growing up, which resulted in him mimicking the only discipline he ever experienced, which came from his mother’s toxic boyfriends.

➤ His first experience of using violence and aggression as a form of control and punishment began with his younger brother.

➤ When his younger brother started heading into a rebellious and reckless phase, without any sign of growing out of it, Donnie attempted to take control of his behaviour by using violence and aggression.

➤ Donnie’s softer side came out towards his little sister, the youngest sibling. He tried to be more protective and nurturing towards her. Despite his intentions being good natured, his attempts to overcompensate for the emotional and physical neglect she faced from their mother, lead to his protectiveness over his sister to become increasingly more controlling.

➤ This overprotectiveness would later extended to his romantic relationships with women and evolve into more possessive and controlling behaviour.

➤ Because Donnie never had a proper, healthy role model to look up to, he was never taught how to properly manage his emotions, leading to an inability to manage conflicts healthily.

His Friends Influence

➤ Donnie’s high school friend group became the only male influences in his life he had any positive association with. His friends were the only thing he had to fill the emotional voids within his life, this made the sense of brotherhood he felt he had developed with them incredibly sacred to him, something which he would protect no matter what.

➤ His loyalty to his friends was put to the ultimate test when one of his friends, John, murdered his girlfriend, Jamie. Donnie was pressured by his friend group to stay quiet in order to protect John.

➤ This had an everlasting detrimental impact to Donnie’s moral compass and desensitise him to violence, especially violence against women.

➤ The fear of losing the only sense of belonging he ever had on top of his fear of abandonment was enough to convince him to overlook John’s crime.

➤ This is the point in Donnie’s life where loyalty vs betrayal became more important to him than right vs wrong.

Prospects and Substance Abuse

➤ Struggling in school would often lead to Donnie skipping class or not showing up to school altogether. His poor performance in high school, on top of the poor amount of opportunities in his rural town, left Donnie with very few options.

➤ Donnie was already pretty disillusioned by life at a relatively young age, due to the lack of opportunities in his rural town and any dream of escapism he had seemed unattainable.

➤ He would smoke weed with his friends when they skipped school and when Donnie became older and accepted any, usually low-paying and physically demanding, job he could find, he would turn to alcohol and other harder substances as a coping mechanisms and a form of escapism.

➤ His drinking and substance abuse would only contribute to his violent and abusive behaviour.

His Sister’s Suicide

➤ Matt was in his mid to late twenties when his little sister took her own life. She was still only a teenager. She was struggling to cope with her own issues that developed from growing up within her toxic and dysfunctional family dynamic.

➤ At this point in his life, Donnie was already struggling with alcoholism and substance abuse as a coping mechanisms for his unfulfilling life, but it would become far worse after losing his sister.

➤ None of his romantic relationships were ever healthy, thanks to a combination of factors such as his abandonment issues, his relationship with violence and his inability to handle his emotions in a healthy manner (to name a few.)

➤ Most of his relationships failed because any potential threat to the relationship or lack of control triggered his anger and insecurities, usually caused by his jealousy or controlling behaviour.

➤ But losing his sister only worsened his toxic and unhealthy behaviour within his romantic relationships.

➤ He would cling tighter to his partners than ever before and that would manifest as manipulation and control. He would isolate his partner from their friends and family, forcing them to be completely reliant on him. Any hint of disloyalty or emotional distance from his partner would trigger violent outbursts.

➤ Donnie views his sister’s death as another one of his failures in life. Blaming himself for not protecting her enough, even though his protection of her had already developed into something that was toxic and overbearing, unknowingly contributing to the number of issues his sister was struggling to cope with.

➤ Donnie always perceived his intentions towards his sister to be good natured, as that’s how they began and honestly she was the one person he genuinely loved the most. Although he never learnt how to nurture and maintain healthy feelings and emotions, resulting in them all becoming warped and toxic. In his mind, he never hurt his sister or contributed to her turmoil.

➤ Therefore, when she took her own life, part of him saw it as a betrayal after all the sacrifices he made to protect her.

➤ The fragile relationship Donnie developed with masculinity, due to the major influences from his high school friends, his mother’s toxic boyfriend’s and the old rural town’s dated attitudes, left him unable to process his grief in a healthy manner—perceiving sadness as weakness. His grief would instead be channelled in bouts of uncontrollable anger and deep, depressive episodes.

Jamie and Jessica parallels

➤ When Jessica’s body is pulled from Donnie’s lake, it gives him flashbacks to seeing Jamie’s body at the river’s edge.

➤ When Donnie becomes a suspect and later charged with Jessica’s murder, questions about his involvement in Jamie’s murder resurface.

[melrosing]

a while back you mentioned bran being a fisher king type of figure if he becomes king. i am so intrigued by that concept. can you tell us more?

so full disclosure, I don't have a great deal of familiarity with Arthurian legend or British/Welsh mythology, which is what the Fisher King really draws upon, so I don't think I can say anything of real substance on this subject! i keep meaning to just sit down and swot up on this stuff but it's. not really something you can do in one sitting lol

HOWEVER i think even to a wiki peruser it's patently clear that GRRM is drawing on the Fisher King concept with Bran (as in, once you know he's doing that, you realise he isn't even trying to hide it). and I do tend to think that GRRM is more likely to stick with the top line of a myth or historical event he means to parallel rather than get lost in the minutiae - e.g. Matilda v Stephen succession crisis inspiring Rhaenyra v Aegon, the Black Dinner of 1440 inspiring the Red Wedding, this is GRRM taking the substance of an event but not the details of how it came to pass.

I'm going to guess that rather than getting into the finer details of the Fisher King mythos, GRRM is going to utilise it much like he's used Shakespeare's Richard III for Tyrion, which is another inspiration that seems painfully obvious from the moment you spot it, but is hardly lifted beat for beat, and I seriously doubt that Tyrion's story ends up anywhere like the end of RIII. but you can see GRRM taking the bits and pieces of RIII he finds interesting and twisting them for Tyrion in ASOIAF.

so with that in mind, I'm just going to quickly list the key points I can personally gather from the Fisher King myth that seem to gesture to Bran, and why I think these are probs interesting to GRRM as a writer (but as I say there are people who know lots about arthurian legend and british/welsh mythology who would probs have a lot more to say here):

the Fisher King is usually depicted as being wounded in the groin/legs/thigh - this is considered synonymous with his inability to have children and so propagate his line. immediately obvious parallel to Bran, and I think through both ASOIAF and F&B, GRRM is trying to show that ruling through dynasties where everything hinges on how the next guy's son turns out, is not a viable way to run a country. Bran will not be succeeded by children of his own blood, but I think much in the way that he himself has succeeded Bloodraven

the Fisher King is one with his land as such: his welfare is the welfare of the land, and when he takes a wound (and becomes infertile), the land too becomes barren. the Fisher King awaits a hero who will heal and restore him and so the land (but I can only imagine GRRM would subvert this - it's clear through GRRM's writing of disability that he doesn't see value in just 'curing' his characters. he wants to actually write them as disabled people). and I think there's a lot in Bran's story about man learning to respect the land he lives upon - the children and the first men's peace pact was agreed upon the grounds that the first men would essentially preserve Westeros and its weirwoods etc, and so I think it's generally agreed ASOIAF could end with a similar kind of pact to end the Long Night (or after the end of TLN)? so again, think this point is about Bran representing a renewed relationship between the lands of Westeros and its peoples - the welfare of all is tied together through him

the Fisher King is guarding the Holy Grail. im way out of my depth on this point, someone with more knowledge re. the Holy Grail needs to weigh in here lol, but I would guessssss that maybe this has something to do with Bran ending the story on the Isle of Faces, protecting the peace from there or SOMETHING idk

then the most obvious point: the Fisher King as he appears in Arthurian legend is thought to draw on the figure of Brân the Blessed, a character of Welsh mythology - which immediately recalls Bran the Broken (something Bran literally calls himself several times). the name 'Bran' also translates to crow or raven in Welsh, so, duh. and Brân the Blessed's story ends with his requesting that his head be buried on the White Hill of London - and as long as it remained there, Britain would be safe from invasion. more about Bran being tied directly to the welfare of the land and its peoples

(again there's doubtless a lot more that could be added here by someone who understands the Fisher King myth better than I do, but these seemed like the most obvious points that anyone could draw on)

anyway I absolutely take it as a given that Bran will be King at this point, and whilst it's really hard to imagine what that looks like, I do think it resonates. GRRM likes writing about dynasties but I don't think he believes in them. I'm sure he feels much the same way about feudalism, but I doubt that will be gone by the end of ASOIAF, too, so this is how I picture it??

KL: destroyed. red keep: fucked. some level of politics may continue here post-series, but I think it will no longer be the heart of westeros. the fact that it is in AGOT is I think GRRM trying to show the corruption at the heart of this country - KL is constantly described as a cesspit where the rich play their games and live and eat luxuriously directly atop the shoulders of the poor and downtrodden, divorced from what's happening in the rest of the 7K.

the new heart of Westeros will be the Isle of Faces. this is where I think Bran will end up. we don't know much about it, bc noone is able to sail there, but this was where the pact between the COF and the First Men was created, and it's one of the last places in the south where weirwoods still grow (here, in abundance). and apparently there was once a Green King of the Gods Eye?? if the Green King, of the Rivermen, is in any way the role Bran will soon be occupying, maybe this is where his Tully heritage is somehow relevant. and also like 'god's eye', Bran's whole thing is about learning to see all, so. likely place for him to be. ultimately, I don't think Bran will remain in Winterfell; the story is supposed to be about unity I think, and not northern exceptionalism, so a remaining Stark sibling will take up that seat and as I said before, I tend to think that will be Sansa.

and I guess the most I can imagine beyond this point is Bran living alongside the COF (perhaps in the company of Meera idk?), functioning less as a political entity and more as a figurehead, perhaps an oracle, who lives for the welfare of his people. there will still be politicians to run the country, but they will be guided by Bran in some way, and like Bloodraven, Bran will choose his own successor. what the intricacies of any of this look like i have no idea, but this really does sound to me like the start of GRRM's answer to all his concerns re. dynasties and corruption etc etc

sorry this was all garbled as hell but this is basically what the Fisher King endgame means to me for now. in short, not a whole lot that I can make sense of but I like the feel of it, I think it's consistent with the themes of the text and suggests the start of real change at the end of the story, rather than the start of yet another dynasty.

[serbarris]

No Sweeter Innocence

Dragon Age: the Veilguard, some spoilers for plot, spoilers for Emmrichs romance  Pairing: F!Rook Ingellvar x Emmrich Volkarin  Rating: E, this is NSFW   Chapter 11 of At Best You Find a Little Remedy Summary: Calliope and Emmrich come to an understanding when they visit Calliope's old apartment. Words: ~2000 read the chapter on ao3read the entire work on ao3

A silent war raged in Calliope’s head as they walked through the Necropolis. Was everything she knew wrong? Emmrich didn’t seem to find an issue with her inability, but she had tried to cure herself for years. Using men she’d just met in taverns, her own hand, even trying a small device she got in Minrathous, but she had yet to find satisfaction. There was always something holding her back, the sensation becoming too dull or too intense, an errant thought distracting her, a sudden noise disrupting her pleasure.

She wanted to go home. To her little apartment. A place that was solely hers, not borrowed from a god of lies. She wanted to be surrounded by her books and her furniture, maybe she’d even sleep in her bed. Calliope tugged lightly on Emmrich’s arm as they neared the Hollow Belfry, and sheepishly asked, “Can we go to my apartment? I- I'd like to stay home a bit longer.”

“Of course my darling.” About turning they made their way to the upper levels of the Necropolis, down the wide corridors to the medior Watcher apartments. They approached a door just like all the others, solid stone with brass inlaid. Calliope cast a quick incantation to unlock the door, before she turned to invite Emmrich inside, “You can come in - if you wish. I can't promise how tidy it is, I haven't been back since I left, and I was in a rush.”

“I'd be delighted to.”

“It's not much, but it's mine,��� Calliope said as she lit extra candles with a wave, illuminating the room further. The tension in her shoulders abated as she took in the sight of her apartment, her lip no longer caught between her teeth with worry. She forgot she owned so many things. She had books stacked neatly against every surface, the bookshelves lining two of the walls of her living area not enough to hold her collection. Small glints of light caught Emmrich’s eye. Despite the bookshelves being filled to the brim, Calliope had a hoard of trinkets. Every possible space not occupied by a tome was covered with them. Small hair pins, brooches, porcelain statues, bent spoons, broken earrings, a rainbow of coloured glass, and old coins similar to the ones she wore around her wrist. Calliope noticed his interest as he inspected the shelves; the treasure differed from Emmrich’s collection of antiquities and specimens sitting in his quarters. “I keep meaning to take some of these with me,” she started, as she picked up a beautifully wrought key, “Solas’- my room at the Lighthouse seems so empty without them.”

“How did you collect so much?”

“Well, Vorgoth told me that as a child I was always drawn to shiny things, constantly picking things up that caught my eye. He used to call me a ‘MAGPIE’.” Emmrich chuckled at Calliope’s imitation of Vorgoth’s rasping voice. The nickname suited his paramour, recalling moments where she wandered off to the side, the glint of a discarded object catching her attention. “Half the time it's not even how pretty it is that draws me in, I'm curious how it got lost, or broken. I probably intended to fix the things but never actually got around to it.”

“Did you collect the gulder’s to make your bracelet?”

She nodded, “I picked my favourites and saved as much money as possible to take them to a goldsmith.” Calliope rifled through the coins that littered her shelves, showing Emmrich a curated selection and acknowledging their rarity. Only a couple were tarnished, minted during a time of economic hardship - though some had a heavy patina, dulling the gold. Some had stories she promised to tell him in the future. So few had ever asked about her unique jewellery, and she couldn’t help but be enthused to talk about her pieces and how she acquired them. She then spun her bracelet to find the right coin, holding her wrist to Emmrich, “This one is my favourite, it’s of a Death Watch Beetle, from the Storm Age!”

“I'm glad you've perked up,” Emmrich began, his hand stroking Calliope’s arm, “I was getting worried about you, my dear.” Calliope acknowledged his concern with a grimace. Until then she could almost forget what happened a short while ago. But she felt less at the behest of her emotions than earlier.

“Sometimes… a lot of the time, my mind likes to get stuck on something and won't let it go. I- I want to go about this in the best way possible, I don’t want to sabotage this.”

“You're not sabotaging anything, I understand… much better than you know. I daresay I've just had more years to manage it myself.”

She pushed herself to the tips of her toes, pressing her mouth to the corner of Emmrich’s lips. “In the library, I was enjoying it, the kissing, more than I have with anyone else. I didn't know it could feel like that.” Calliope's cheeks coloured as she remembered how it felt to have Emmrich pushed against her, his knee between her legs, her skin electric under his touch. Now she knew how it felt, she wanted more. “I want you, Emmrich. In any way you'll have me.”

His eyes darted to her parted lips. Emmrich closed the gap between them, her soft lips parting further, giving his tongue access as he pulled her flush to his body, their legs intertwining. “Do you want to continue?” Emmrich asked as this thumb stroked where her shirt met the underside of her breast, his touch sending a shiver down her spine. She agreed with barely a whisper. “Poets wax lyrical about reaching a pinnacle,” He purred as he tangled his hand in her hair. “In my experience, this.” His hiss was like silk against the roaring pulse in her ears, “Is about connection. Enjoying the company of the person who has bewitched you.” He punctuated his words with his teeth against her neck. Unconsciously she rolled her hips, Emmrich grabbed onto her rear and his fingers bit into the soft flesh. “Exploring the body that invades your dreams.” He captured her mouth again in a bruising kiss. A soft moan resonated in Calliope’s throat, desire flooded her body, pooling between her legs. It was all she could do but grasp onto him, her legs threatening to buckle beneath her.

“Bedroom?” she asked as if it might be too forward as if Emmrich hadn't just abated her nerves by making her so aroused she could implode. She took his hand and led him through the open doorway.

Emmrich took in the sight of Calliope. She stood in front of him, her flush stretched across her chest, dipping between her breasts to where her shirt joined. She started to undo the tied shirt, her hands wanting to move, to do something. Emmrich closed the gap, pushing Calliope’s hands away to give him access. “Calliope, let me,” he whispered, kneeling before her to undo her boots.

All Calliope focused on was his touch, it was slow, purposeful, and reverent. He was meticulous, taking his time to untie her shoelaces, savouring the curves of her body, admiring the strength she held in her quadriceps and calves. He pulled down her stockings, distributing kisses across her thighs, leaving goosebumps to pebble her pale skin in his wake. Her breath hitched as Emmrich stood, a lock of silver hair had escaped his immaculate coif. Seeing him come undone, his shiny varnish cracking from her touch took her breath away. She felt her skirt pool at her feet, his hands roaming over the curve of her hips, skirting her underwear. Emmrich’s hands journeyed up her body, his deft fingers releasing the tie between her breasts, she recalled his earlier admission “This shirt has been consuming my thoughts all night.”

He admired her, pale skin glowing green in the candlelight, her nipples pebbling from the slight chill of the air, despite the heat of her skin. He peppered kisses from her mastoid process to her clavicle, before finally tracing his tongue down her sternum, following her tattoo. “Emmrich.” She sighed, her core tight, unable to focus on anything but his touch. She'd never experienced such heightened pleasure, elevating her beyond the trivial thoughts that plagued her. Her hands gripped Emmrich’s hair as he nipped at her breasts, alternating between the peaks. She pulled Emmrich up, wanting, needing, more.

Calliope undid the buttons of his vest and shirt, smiling at Emmrich. She took in his swollen lips, the smattering of colour at the top of his cheekbones and how dishevelled his hair was from her touch. Emmrich was making quicker work of the rest of his clothing, to her surprise leaving it abandoned on the floor. Her mouth went dry as she admired the smooth planes of Emmrich’s body, his broad shoulders and lean muscles, a smattering of dark hair covering his chest, and a trail disappeared below his underwear leading to his already straining bulge. Emmrich captured her mouth, guiding her backwards until her knees hit the edge of her bed and she lay back. He settled on the bed between her legs, hovering over her. Calliope’s hands itched to push a lock of hair back from Emmrich’s forehead, but before she could Emmrich kissed her deeply.

He kissed down her neck, his lips following the incision tattoo that trailed down her centre reverently, his hands trailing over the expanse of her skin, committing her body to memory. Kissing her soft stomach and nipping at her thighs, he pulled her underwear down. His fingers pressed into the soft flesh of her legs to hold them open, preventing her from clenching them together.

“Have you ever touched yourself?” Emmrich asked, Calliope lay bare before him, her grave gold glinting in the dim candlelight. She shied away, trying to bury her face into the sheets. “Use your words Calliope. Have you touched yourself while thinking about me?”

She wanted to keep her head buried in the sheets, looking at him felt almost too intimate, too real. Yet his tone, heavy with lust but firm, forced her to look at him, his eyes glowed almost as bright as the veilfire surrounding them. “Yes.”

“And yet you didn't finish.” His fingers ghosted over the soft curls between her thighs, making her shiver. “I hope to exceed the expectations set by your fantasies.” Maybe one day she would confess that the first time she ever touched herself it was thinking about him. 15 years ago, when he had more black hair than grey. When the streak of grey hair entranced her during lectures. Wanting him, with his gentle but direct voice to teach her about anatomy.

Calliope gasped, bucking her hips, pulling her from her thoughts as Emmrich dragged his tongue between her folds. She had never had any previous partners do this. She almost thought it was a myth that only happened in romance novels. His tongue was so warm, his moustache a new but pleasurable sensation.

Emmrich’s touch was experimental, he learned from her reactions, her quick inhales, whether her hands twisted in the sheets, her squirming hips nudging him in a different direction. She only felt his touch, how her core was coiled tight, her breath coming in quick soft pants. Emmrich pushed a finger into her, curling it within her. Her body tightened as he stroked her, the sensation overwhelming. “Calliope, relax,” he growled, his voice heavy with lust, the vibrations running through her. She uncoiled her muscles and Emmrich moved faster, driving his fingers into her harder, his mouth nipping, sucking and licking at her core.

Then he stopped.

[aspoonofsugar]

Hell is Forever

Adam's song fucking rocks and it is pretty important for the story, the characters and the themes. Let's see why!

DISNEY-LIKE SONGS

Overture has two songs, which pay homage to classical Disney tropes:

Happy Day in Hell is a combination of the "Introduction song" and the "I want song"

Hell is Forever is the "villain song"

This is important because Hell is Forever is both a mirror and an answer to Happy Day in Hell. In other words, to understand Adam's song, we must quickly consider Charlie's. Just like to understand Charlie's journey we need Adam's character.

HAPPY DAY IN HELL

1- Happy Day in Hell as the "introduction song"

The introduction song shows the world and how the protagonist fits in it. Or in Charlie's case how she doesn't fit:

Charlie: There's a warm, fuzzy feeling That wafts through the air Every street so revealing It's hard not to stare! It's a realm so appealing it beats anywhеre If you don't mind the smell… It's a happy day in Hell!

The point of the song is that Charlie is the Princess of Hell, but refuses to see Hell for what it is. She is so focused on dreaming (ideal), that she forgets where she is (reality).

This is highlighted by both the music and the imagery.

Musically, the demons are not in harmony with Charlie. Rather, they contradict what she is saying:

Hi, mister! (Demon: Go fuck yourself!) Demon #1: There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul (Charlie: Hello!) Imp: And a ton of barbed wire to shove in his hole! (Charlie: Ah, excuse me!) Demon #2: Doing what is required, we all have our role Demon #3: I'm not doin' well! Demons: Another shitty day in Hell!

Visually, Charlie at one point finds herself surrounded by musical notes:

She is so enthralled by her music and lofty dreams she ignores her surroundings. She is lost in her own head.

2- Happy Day in Hell as the "I want song"

I can hear all their stories The lost and displaced And I know that they're more of an acquired taste But if I open the door and I give them a place At my Hazbin Hotel It'll be a happy day in Hell!

The I want song conveys Charlie's desire, which is really the story's main message. In other words, it is the main theme: everyone can redeem themselves and hell can become a happy place.

So, Charlie's song conveys both her goal (the theme) and her main flaw (her inability to face reality).

HELL IS FOREVER - THE VILLAIN SONG

What about Adam's Hell is Forever? Well, it is the villain song, so it introduces the protagonist's main external obstacle. Not only that, but it is really Adam and Charlie's first fight, which is commented by a visual detail: the sheets of paper both characters use.

Charlie starts her speech by showing Adam and Lute drawings that explain her Hazbin Hotel project:

As the song goes on and Adam grows more and more dismissive and rude, Charlie's papers get more and more ruined.

Charlie squeezes them, as she is trying to repress her frustration and Lute symbolically cuts them, as the two angels are cutting Charlie's hopes down. Finally, Charlie herself burns them, as she is about to explode in anger:

At this point, Adam ends the discussion with a piece of paper, which says: "Fuck you, I do as I want!!":

And both Charlie and her drawings are unceremoniously shoved out of the room:

What does this motif tell about Charlie and Adam?

It suggests two things:

1- Charlie and Adam are both immature and it shows in their respective papers. Charlie tries to convince the angels to support her plan with a bunch of childish drawings and no substance. Adam's extermination order is instead mean and gives no explanation about his choice. This isn't by chance, as Charlie and Adam are two men-children with deep self-issues, that stem from their relationship with the Rulers of Hell. Charlie wants to make her parents proud and to have them back. Adam wants to make Lucifer and Lilith suffer and to destroy their world. Charlie and Adam pursue these opposite objectives through personal projects, where they position themselves as leaders of the people (the demons and the exorcists).

2- Charlie and Adam's fight is a political one, which is why "papers" are a perfect metaphor for it. What's interesting is that the Princess of Hell and the Leader of the Exorcists fight for different ideals. Charlie fights for redemption, whereas Adam fights for extermination. The nature of their personal beliefs drives them to clash.

In other words, Adam challenges Charlie in two different ways:

He is similar to Charlie, so he highlights and amplifies her negative traits (the character flaws)

He is Charlie's opposite, so he believes a different truth (the anti-theme)

Let's explore these two ideas.

CHARLIE'S WEAKNESS

Hell is Forever starts with Charlie's reprise of Happy Day in Hell:

I know Hell's population is out of control It's a bad situation It's taking a toll If we rehab these Sinners And cleanse all their souls At my Hazbin Hotel— Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself! Right! Extermination! I know you guys fly down Just to kill once a year And it must be annoying To schlep all the way here If they join you in Heaven That trip disappears! You can wave that chore farewell It'll be a happy day in—

This reprise is too quick and it is overall confusing. Charlie jumps from one idea to the other and fails to make a strong case for her hotel. Sure, Adam has no intention to listen, but Charlie's performance doesn't help. The result is that she is interrupted before she can finish:

Adam: Let me stop you right there Charlie: Oh Adam: Save us all precious time Charlie: Okay…

After this moment, Adam imposes himself and doesn't let Charlie speak her mind:

Charlie: Okay, but— Adam: Just try to chillax, babe You're wasting your breath Charlie: Hehe…

He keeps covering Charlie's voice with his to the point it is almost impossible to hear what Charlie is saying. Pretty rude, right? However, isn't this exactly what Charlie does to Vaggie in Happy Day in Hell?

Charlie: If I can show them the dream I've dreamed That any soul can change! Vaggie: Those angels' minds are hard to change Charlie: Then they will know everyone can be redeemed From the evil to the strange! Vaggie: They're bloodthirsty and deranged!

Basically, Charlie is initially so self-absorbed, she doesn't listen to her loved ones. This makes it pretty fitting that her major antagonist is a self-absorbed douche, who doesn't listen to her.

Charlie has two problems when it comes to communication:

She is unable to convey her feelings (she can't keep up with Adam's arguments)

She doesn't consider others (she dismisses Vaggie's warning)

These two flaws are why she loses to Adam in their first battle.

ADAM'S TRUTH

Adam answers Charlie's happy go lucky tunes with a powerful rock song. This musical difference mirrors the two characters' opposite belief systems.

Charlie believes everyone can be redeemed. Adam believes no-one can redeem themselves:

Adam: 'Cause Hell is forever Whether you like it or not Had their chance to behave better Now they boil in the pot 'Cause the rules are black and white There's no use in tryin' to fight it They're burnin' for their lives Until we kill 'em again!

Charlie believes true happiness lies in everyone being happy, so it can be reached only if Hell becomes a happy place. Adam believes true happiness doesn't exist, as he could not find it in Heaven. The only way to feel satisfied is to hurt people, who have it worse than you:

Adam: And when all's said and done (Said and done) There's the question of fun (Ah-ah) And for those of us with Divine Ordainment Extermination is entertainment!

Charlie asks for empathy. Adam enforces justice:

Adam: Fair is fair, an eye for an eye!

This frame references the internet music video Bad Apple:

The character on the screen is called Eiki Shiki and she is the judge of the dead. She decides who goes to Hell and who goes to Heaven.

Adam is similarly framing himself as a supernatural judge of what's right and what's wrong. All while reminding Charlie she is a "bad apple" herself, as she is Lilith and Lucifer's daughter and her parents gave humanity the worst apple ever.

In other words, Adam embodies a strict and unforgiving system:

Adam: Did I hear you imply That they don't deserve death? Are they Winners? Are they Sinners? 'Cause it's cut and dry

He divides the world in good people and bad people, blessed and sinners, winners and losers. If you are suffering, it is your fault. If you are happy, it is to your credit. Good luck and bad luck become moral attributes.

Adam references this hierarchy throughout the whole song and makes it very clear:

He is at the very top, surrounded by holy light and blessed.

Charlie is at the very bottom, covered in bloody guts and cursed.

There are two things that are interesting about Adam's point of view.

First, Charlie shares Adam's white and black vision to an extent. She lacks Adam's mean nature, but she too has a simplistic understanding of good and evil:

Angel Dust: "Oh, I'm a bad man on the streets who never got enough hugs, now, where's an innocent kid I can sell crack to?" Wow, who wrote this? Charlie: It's great right? Keep going!

If you are good, good things will happen to you! If you are bad, bad things will come! At the beginning of the series, she is acting on this belief. What makes her different from Adam is that she believes it's never too late to start "being good". Still, her idea of good is superficial.

Secondly, Charlie and Adam express opposite ideologies, but what is their approval rate?

Charlie is initially believed by no-one:

Angel Dust: I'm choosing to be here and I think it's all stupid. We're in hell, toots. That's kind of the end of the road, ain't it?

Adam has instead a large group of people following his creed, which is why he symbolically summons a bunch of golden exorcists in the climax of his song:

ADAM: IDOL

Adam's golden exorcists are both:

The groupies cheering the rockstar

The followers adoring the cult leader

That is because Adam is built on the idea of "idol", both in the musical sense (a singer and musician) and in the religious sense (a fake god). This double nature is highlighted in Hell Is Forever by two metaphors.

A concert (musical motif)

Bow-now-now-nownow Guitar solo, fuck yeah! Oh, da-ah-ah now-now-n-now-n-now-n-now-n-nownownow

Adam's song mimics a rock concert with improvised "guitar-solos" and fans cheering and dancing.

The golden calf (religious motif)

According to the Bible, Moses goes up to Mount Sinai to receive the Ten Commandments, but takes a long time and the Israelites lose hope. They start adoring a calf made of gold, only to be called out by an angered Moses once he gets back. In short, the golden calf is an idol, a fake god. Adam is the same:

As shown above, Adam has the golden exorcists (his personal golden calves) be a part of his choreography. He uses a guitar made of light to attract them like moths to a flame. Three of them position themselves behind him, so that it seems he has 8 wings. This is very much not accidental, as the frame is referenced also in official merch:

Why 8 wings?

It's because the Seraphims have 6 wings and they are the higher ranking angels. So, Adam imagines himself with 8 wings because he wants to be above the Seraphims. In particular, he wants to be better than one specific Seraphim:

Adam: You?! Judging me?! You're the most hated being in all of creation! Lucifer: Well, your first wife didn't seem to hate what I had to offer… or the second, bow-chicka-pow-pow!

And finally he wants to be God:

Adam: No… you don't get to end this! I'm fucking Adam! I'm the fucking man, and you're just some fucking clown or something! I started everything on Earth! All of mankind came from these fucking nuts! You all should be worshiping me, you ungrateful, disgusting, fucking losers-!

Adam's first appearance foreshadows his ending. He is introduced as a shining golden idol (a rockstar), but in the end he is unmasked (literally, as he loses his mask :P) as a wanna-be god. His light is enthralling, but it is fake.

CHARLIE: TRUE LIGHT

Charlie is still immature, naive and a little self-centered. However, she has much potential and she is slowly starting to shine of true light. After all, she is the Morningstar, the brightest star.

So, she is able to guide a lost moth:

The other exorcists follow Adam's artificial light, whereas Vaggie finds a better and more natural light in Charlie.

Not only that, but throughout season 1 Charlie starts growing and faces some of the weaknesses she shows in Happy Day in Hell and Hell is Forever.

In You Didn't Know she is finally able to find a proper retort to Adam's argument and she sings it in a reprise of Hell is Forever:

Charlie and Emily: If Hell is forever, then Heaven must be a lie (Emily!) If angels can do whatever, and remain in the sky The rules are shades of gray when you don't do as you say When you make the wretched suffer just to kill them again

This reprise refuses a black and white vision and shows Charlie is slowly outgrowing her early mindset. So, she is shown finally thinking back at Vaggie's (and Lucifer's) warning:

Charlie: I was told not to trust in angels Adam: By her? Lute: Ha! She should know Vaggie: We should go

In The Show Must Go On Charlie openly resists Adam, not only with words, but by attacking him:

Adam: "These sinners are my family"! Do you even hear yourself? You should've stayed in your place, girlie- Charlie: That's Princess of Hell to you, pig!

And after the fight she is cheered up by her loved ones, who end the season with a reprise of Happy Day in Hell:

Everyone: We can do this We can build it Best hotel that you've ever seen! Twice the bedrooms, we can fill it Lucifer: With more sinners than you can dream! Lucifer and Vaggie: It starts with you, Lucifer, Vaggie and Angel Dust: You know it's true, Everyone: Fulfill your destiny!

Charlie and Emily: If Hell is forever, then Heaven must be a lie (Emily!) If angels can do whatever, and remain in the sky The rules are shades of gray when you don't do as you say When you make the wretched suffer just to kill them again

This reprise is important because Charlie starts the story by singing alone to a kingdom, which refuses to sing along. In the end, though, she is surrounded by the people she inspired and who love her. They are reminding her of her own song. So, Charlie might not have a huge army of mindless followers, but she has a small group of loved ones, who accept her for who she is and believe in her.

Finally, the reprise is slightly different from the original:

Everyone: We can do this (Charlie: We can do this) We'll be better (Charlie: We'll be better) Though redemption may take a while (Charlie: Though it may take a while) Wayward sinners, clear their ledger Alastor: And we're doing it with a smile Charlie: Al! Angel, Vaggie, and Niffty: Yeah! Lucifer: Oh this guy… Charlie: We'll make a difference, wait and see Charlie and Vaggie: We're gonna do this, you and me Everyone: And then tomorrow it will be a fuckin' happy day in Hell!

Today isn't going to be a Happy Day in Hell, but tomorrow might be. Charlie has grown enough to accept she can't change things overnight, but she knows she still has to try together with her found family.

[vampire-in-the-corner]

my desire to create iwtv art vs my inability to draw men. i studied too hard in lesbianism for this show

[ripeteeth]

Self-rec time! What are your favorite five fics that you've written and why? After replying to this ask, feel free to pass on to five other writers to spread the love. 💗"

Thanks, @danpuff-ao3! You’re always a treat to see on the dash and I hope you’ve been having a lovely break <3.

I’m always a bit awkward with these, both from an itching sort of discomfort with staring my own artwork in the face, and I think from a lifetime habit of denying compliments out of a feeling of guilt or fear. So! I’ve had a glass of wine (and an edible) and I’m going to try to kinder to myself. I might be in the mood to talk right now. (Honestly, that’s a good sign. One of the big elements of my recent writer’s block has been an inability to express myself in any written way, even tumblr posts and comments. Maybe this is why I hit twitter so hard.)

My five favorite fics. Not my five best fics. Not my five most popular fics. My favorites. Hmm.

5. blood, bones, and butter | MDZS/The Untamed] SongXueXiao | E, 12,443

“A relationship, deconstructed. Served three ways.”

Ah, Yi City, that deliciously painful Shakespearean tragedy echoing Wangxian’s romance. The specific notes of obsession, revenge, love, and grief that run through these three make me completely unhinged. I love the quiet service and stoic devotion of Song Lan, the otherworldliness and power of Xiao Xingchen, the unchecked brilliance and cruelty that fill up Xue Yang. The Yi City fandom is easily one of the most incredible fandoms I’ve ever been a part of, full of uniquely talented and deranged writers and artists who love to really explore the dark edges and nitty-gritty of these character and let them be their fucked-up selves. The appeal of SongXueXiao isn’t to make it better for them, it’s to see how much you can make it worse.

It’s two pretty classic tropes: a first time after meeting at a bar, and also a story told from alternating POVs. I really wanted to focus on trying to carve out distinctive interiorities, like their motivations, their assumptions, their fears, their memories, and allow the reader to draw their own conclusions without spelling these all out outright. I’d recently rewatched Rashomon, and I love how the understanding of an event can be so differently shaped by each person’s POV and I wanted to show their first night together in that way, moving the lens over the night a few times, before it gets clear. It was a really fun process to focus on and I think it’s one of my best pieces of recent writing.

4. in search of the wind | Good Omens | Crowley/Aziraphale | E, 27,112

After the World Doesn't End, Aziraphale is not returned to his body. Crowley tries to find a way to get to Heaven's fast-shut gates. Aziraphale tries to find his way back from the sky (and back in time).

I remember writing this almost immediately after the show aired, in that heady summer of 2019, when I feel head over sweaty heels for that charming demon and his delicious epicure of an angel. This is essentially how I saw canon going on, this is the headcanon of my soul. Maybe that’s why I haven’t seen season 2 yet? It was a pleasure to write, almost like knitting together different scenes, different pieces of history, like an extended version of the s1s3 cold open. It’s Aziraphale without a body, unmoored in time, turning up at different points along his and Crowley’s history, and realizing that his friend is in love with him. That his friend is heartrendingly in love with him. I love stories that play with structure, striking different chords each time.

I couldn’t write this kind of story again. This belongs to a very specific time.

3. White Light, White Heat | Harry Potter | Snape/Harry | E, 32,107

“In 1347, Benedictine monk and scholar Severus Snape goes to fetch a young man joining the abbey. In 1347, rumors come of a strange and unrelenting plague from the east.”

An AU set in a fourteenth-century Benedictine monastery in Britain during the period of the Black Death where the two men develop a bond through a special sort of crucible. Snape, as always, falls in love with all the grace of a cat being given a bath. As dark as the material is, this was a pleasure to write. I had so much fun describing the setting, peppering fun little facts like a Pop Up Video of Medieval History. I wrote this in a fever-fueled three weeks, absolutely obsessed with getting it down exactly as it was in my head. I loved writing the monster theme and using it as almost a leitmotif for Snape. There’s probably a literary term for that. Is there? Anyway.

2. the body as anagram | The Terror | Crozier/Fitzjames, Crozier/Ross] | E, 3090

“In the dark, it doesn't matter which James is in his bed. As long as Ross doesn't speak, the illusion holds true.”

I took the title from a passage on J.G. Ballard’s Crash by Baudrillard in Simulacra and Simulation: “Technology is never grasped except in the (automobile) accident, that is to say in the violence done to technology itself and in the violence done to the body. It is the same: any shock, any blow, any impact, all the metallurgy of the accident can be read in the semiurgy of the body — neither an anatomy nor a physiology, but a semiurgy of contusions, scars, mutilations, wounds that are so many new sexual organs opened on the body. In this way, gathering the body as labor in the order of production is opposed to the dispersion of the body as anagram in the order of mutilation.”

There’s something a bit haunting about the parallels of the two men who held the intimacy of Francis Crozier’s friendship. The name. The confidence. The bravery. The charming manner and handsome face. I love the idea of a Francis who sails out pining for one man and returns home loving another, switching between true love and placeholder. And I’m notoriously a slut for both proxyfucking and Gremlin!Francis, who just can’t stop pressing on the wound of his grief. It’s not the drink but it may as well be, for all this is good for either he or Ross, but Francis is a fool in love with a dead man and he does what he does to get by.

Something about this came together, from concept to finish, in a way I’m quite happy with. It was fun to play with concepts and free associate from them, focusing less on plot, but more on the vast empty grief in Francis’ chest. Everyone here knows this is a bad idea. No one is having a good time.

1. Revachol Calling | Disco Elysium | Karry/Kim | E, 35,321 [WIP]

“Somewhere in Jamrock, a church burns. A study in Kim Kitsuragi.”

Sometimes you just feel the next part of the story in your bones. When I first played Disco Elysium in 2021 it hit me in an incredibly familiar, emotional way. There’s something somber and hopeful about it. The writing is sardonic, dark and humorous. It’s nearly cynical but it’s cynical with a sad old smile, because cynicism is born through disappointment, and through not quite being ready to give up. I think we can all find ourselves in it, in one way or another and, like many, I’m hopelessly in love with Kim Kitsuragi, a wild creature who’s built himself within thousands of rules. I can’t play the game without craving his side of the story, his interiority, his history, so I grab at the little crystals of information, such as his secret love of Speedfreaks FM and his past with Eyes, and I try to imagine it might go. This is my sequel to the game and, more than anything, this is my love song to Revachol, a character of a city, and one that echoes vastly in all those of post-Communist country and family.

For some reason, this fic is extremely visual for me and usually in a Wong Kar-Wai sort of fashion. Think the saturated aquamarines of a neon diner sign. Think a studio apartment with cheap wallpaper and the yellow-orange flicker of sodium lights. It comes alive at night, when Kim is left alone with his thoughts, running out of rules to keep him safely in. I love that Disco Elysium has such a vast world to explore. It’s an endless playbox.

And this is also, in a way, a bit of an elegy to a belief I’d once held in a motherland, and do not anymore.

I’m almost done with Chapter 8, so hopefully it will be up soon <3

Tagging! @jaggededges123 @soft-october-night @wildcard47 @rcmclachlan @brawlite @zaxal @pearwaldorf @kiingbooooo @darcylindbergh @et-in-arkadia @itsevidentvery @iodhadh @iamwestiec @mia-ugly @laurashapiro-noreally @pinehutch and anyone else who wishes to!

[odessa-castle]

I'm bouncing around a larger post about Nishiki and the mortifying ordeal of being known, but in the meantime I'm thinking about Nishiki and Kiryu and how the clothes make (or don't make) the man. Like, beyond my visceral horror that Kiryu begged Nishiki to pick out a safe and boring suit for him in Y0 and then said he was envisioning something purple with gold stripes.

I'm thinking about Nishiki's incredible sensitivity to image and his need to control how he's perceived. I'm thinking about Kiryu's inability to let go of the past. I'm thinking about how KIryu dresses like who he thinks he is, and Nishiki dresses like who he thinks he wants to be.

There's some interesting incidental dialogue between Nishiki and Kiryu in Y0 while they're en route to the men's suit store. I wish it wasn't so easy to miss, because there's a lot to unpack here. (I'm just transcribing the English in-game subtitles here; I don't speak Japanese so I have no idea how loose vs. direct the localization is in this part.)

NISHIKI: …now that I think about it, you've been dressing like an old man since we were kids. KIRYU: Have I? NISHIKI: Yeah. The few times we got to pick our clothes, it was always like, "you're choosing THAT?" NISHIKI: I wouldn't say you're a plain guy…You'd pick shirts with weird prints though. KIRYU: Guess I forgot all that. It's weirder to me that you haven't. NISHIKI: Well, confession time. You're why I started caring about fashion. I swore I'd never go out dressed like you. KIRYU: Come on, I'm not THAT bad. [we have already discussed why kiryu is, in fact, that bad.] NISHIKI: [laughing] Aww, did I hurt your feelings? NISHIKI: Well, this time you've got me with you. I'll see my bro gets taken care of. KIRYU: Heh. What an honor. NISHIKI: Leave it to me.

Nishiki doesn't bring up Sunflower Orphanage much; when he does share memories of his childhood, those memories are kind of painful (see: "do orphans not get to dream?"). Kiryu's surprised that Nishiki remembers how they dressed as kids, but it makes sense that wearing a limited selection of hand-me-downs stuck with Nishiki so strongly. His clothes announced his poverty, and they weren't even his -- he had to share them with the other orphans, so what he wore showed he belonged to yet another stigmatized group. And I'm sure people picked up on those visual signals, especially other kids. Kids can be vicious, and appearance is an easy and immediate target! We don't know for sure how young Nishiki interacted with his peers and teachers, but given what the Morning Glory kids go through in Y3 (and given, like, everything about Nishiki), he probably didn't have a great time.

Kiryu frames his childhood as poor but loving, and places much more emphasis on the latter. There might be some rose-colored glasses at work there -- let's look at the flashback where Kazama tries (and fails) to violently dissuade Kiryu and Nishiki from joining the yakuza.

KIRYU: I owe you everything, but this isn’t about that. [...] We’ve looked up to you for all this time. Your car. Your confidence… The way everybody bows to you. We idolized you. I want that life, too. Is that so wrong!?

Nishiki doesn't really speak in this flashback, but like, Kiryu uses "we" enough for us to draw some obvious conclusions about Nishiki's own motivations. That being said, I don't think Kiryu's being dishonest or disingenuous when he describes his childhood as happy, and himself as well-loved. He's not ashamed of his upbringing, and he doesn't hide where he came from. Nishiki seems to have the inverse view. It's not that he doesn't love (at least some of) the people he grew up with, but what comes up first for him is what he didn't have. He didn't have money. He didn't have respect. He didn't have a cure for his little sister. He didn't have a lot of choice, right down to the clothes he wore.

(There's a whole other essay here about why Kiryu's and Nishiki's perspectives diverge on this, but I'm trying to limit the scope of this post. Suffice to say that, while I don't think game canon gives a timeline, I do think Nishiki was a little older when his parents were killed -- old enough that he actually remembers them, at least.)

The same mindset fuels Nishiki's interest in fashion. Yeah, part of it is that he's ribbing Kiryu, but I think it goes deeper than Kiryu wearing ugly shirts. Nishiki doesn't want people to look at him and see what's missing. Fashion isn't a means of personal expression for him, really. It's a message. It's the interplay of knowledge and resources and presentation: knowing what clothes read as successful and trendy and expensive, being able to afford those things, and convincing people that your successful important outfit makes you a successful important person. And he's not wrong about the social dimensions of fashion.

NISHIKI: Try sporting a suit that runs 500 grand for once. Trust me, you’ll see the world in a whole new light. KIRYU: Fashion’s not my thing. Besides, Kazama-san never wore flashy clothes. NISHIKI: You do realize he’s the family captain, right? Number two in the whole Dojima operation? You get to that level, you can wear whatever you damn well please. But for the rest of us, “flashy” is part of the business. KIRYU: So that fancy new car you bought was just “business”. NISHIKI: Yeah, and that fancy lighter of mine, too. Which you still haven’t given back. KIRYU: You want to play the rich guy, quit being so stingy. NISHIKI: But you get what I’m saying, right? People see the expensive car, the designer jacket, and the gleam of that little Dojima pin, they pay attention. A yakuza’s only as good as his image. [...] Take your buddy today. These squeaky-clean idiots, borrowing money just to blow on tits and booze… Nobody in this town gives a crap about substance. What you see is what you get.

That's our first take on one of the major themes of the game: what does it mean to be yakuza? Again, there is truth to what Nishiki's saying here, particularly in terms of the ethos of the eighties. I'm not an expert on the bubble era, but the worldbuilding in the game speaks for itself. People hail taxis with 10,000-yen bills. You punch money out of punks during random street battles. Nishiki keeps a personal bottle of high-end booze at a bar he's visited twice, mostly because he "can’t stand being taken for a bum." The act of spending is important, not what you're spending it on.

Nishiki's outfit in Y0 is perfectly suited (heh) to that outlook. And look, I might be inviting controversy here, but in context, I think it's a werq. Yes, it's loud. But the silhouette -- squared shoulders, single breasted, thinner peaked lapel -- is right on trend for the time period, and it fits him well. The colors look good on him. The bold pattern (no, it's not animal print) under the solid maroon is a risk, but he pulls it off. And excess aside, he knows when to pull back on the accessories. It's bright and confident and memorable, and boy would Nishiki like to be all of those things.

Also -- and importantly -- Kiryu would never go out dressed like that. Because we can't talk about Nishiki and Kiryu without talking about Nishiki's Mt. Fuji-sized inferiority complex. Mastering image doesn't just make Nishiki stand out; it makes him stand out from Kiryu. Let's go back to the beginning of the game.

NISHIKI: I’ll admit, though, you’re finally starting to look the part. You make a pretty convincing yakuza. You’re done with collections today, right? KIRYU: Yeah. NISHIKI: Good. That should put Kazama-san’s mind at ease a bit. KIRYU: Heh, dunno about that. But he always knew all I could do is fight. You’re the one who’s good at the dance.

Nishiki then calls attention to the "rags" that Kiryu's wearing, which...is not an unfair assessment. (TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT, KIRYU. HEM YOUR PANTS.) As the two of them walk around Kamurocho, Nishiki offers Kiryu plenty of hot tips, from meeting girls to making big bucks to cozying up to the brass. But even when Nishiki's opining on his area of expertise, there's a competitive edge to it. "You asking me to pick out clothes for you means you admit you have terrible taste," he tells Kiryu on the way to the suit shop. Kiryu tells him to shut up, but there's no actual hurt behind it. Kiryu doesn't really care that his taste in clothes sucks. Fashion isn't important to him. Most of the things Nishiki knows so much about don't really matter to Kiryu. And that makes Nishiki feel more insecure! Because if Kiryu rolls out of bed looking like a yakuza, if Nishiki's image counseling sessions aren't helpful or meaningful, if Kiryu can skip the dance and get to the top on the strength of his fists and convictions, then who cares about Nishiki's 500 grand suit or his hourlong hair care routine? If image isn't what makes a yakuza, what does that make Nishiki?

At the end of Chapter 6, Nishiki tries to look out for Kiryu again -- this time, by granting him a merciful death before the Dojima Family drags him to the Hole. It's one of my favorite scenes in the game. Nishiki's crying too hard to aim the gun properly; Kiryu tells him to man up and shoot. Finally, Nishiki collapses.

NISHIKI: Can’t do it… How could I shoot you!? Without you, I’ll always be nothing. Can’t make it as a yakuza… No. I wouldn’t even still be alive now if I didn’t have you beside me! I’m just… If you’re not with me, I’m useless! Nothing means anything!

Mastering image hasn't granted Nishiki anything of substance. At the end of the day, Nishiki's playing dress-up, and he knows it.

And I'm almost certainly getting into overthinking-this territory now (if I haven't gotten there already), but I kind of like the spin this puts on Nishiki ripping his expensive suit off in Chapter 14 when he decides to fight the Dojima Family at Kiryu's side. Like yes, ripping off your outer layers to get at the naked (so to speak) truth -- your irezumi, and what it represents -- is just Yakuza Storytelling 101. It's decisive, it's kind of dumb, it's great, it gets me hyped every time. But I like that Nishiki's honest answer to "what does it mean to be a yakuza?" isn't about looking the part. I am genuinely trying not to end this paragraph by saying that Nishiki must become like a dragon, but like...you get where I'm going with this.

Of course, Nishiki's back to playing dress-up in Y1/Kiwami. I'm not the first to call the Patriarch Nishikiyama look a glow-down (though I like the patterned white tie). Like, fashion-conscious Nishiki would look good in a Hedi Slimane/Tom Ford-esque skinny black suit. But he picks a silhouette you'd expect to see on a much older man, torso-swallowing pants and all. The slicked-back hair doesn't help. He's just so transparently trying to look bigger and broader and older, and he doesn't pull it off. Big Bad Patriarch isn't a good look for him, in any sense of the phrase.

A final thought: Kiryu's clothes, and Nishiki's commentary on them, are the subject of their first conversation in Y0 -- and of their last. Kiryu's costume progression in Y0 is a pretty obvious commentary on his journey, to the point where Kiryu and Nishiki explicitly call attention to the color connotations in their final exchange. As a Dojima grunt, he wears black, and it doesn't look good on him because "brutish thug who keeps his head down and does what he's told" isn't a role he's comfortable with. He wears white when he works in real estate, but the change in color isn't enough to sell anyone on his transformation into a civilian. Although it's a little rich for Oda "Red Clown Shoes" Jun to chide someone for not wearing a proper suit. At the end of the game, Kiryu's in his classic grey suit, and well, the game spells it out:

KIRYU: I’m not feeling black or white these days. This is where I’m at right now. I chose it myself. I’m making it a fresh start. NISHIKI: Fine, fine. See if I care! Wear it the rest of your life!

Nishiki, dismayed, tells Kiryu that the grey suit already looks dated, but for Kiryu, "fresh start" doesn't mean "on trend". His image might be out of step with how other yakuza view themselves, or want to be seen, but if he's always going to look like a yakuza, he might as well stake his claim on what being a yakuza means. Still, it's telling that, even as a young man, Kiryu looks like a throwback to an earlier era. As the series progresses, the games hammer this home more and more. How many antagonists tell Kiryu that he's out of touch with the modern world, that he represents a version of the yakuza that no longer exists, that it's time for him to make way for the next generation?

"Wear it the rest of your life!" is a funny little in-joke, yeah, but...it's a little sad when you think about it, isn't it? Kiryu gets new outfits from Y3 on -- and in every game, he ultimately puts the suit back on and heads to Kamurocho. It's exactly of a piece with how Kiryu views being yakuza. We, and he, can debate the exact extent of his retirement from the Tojo Clan's affairs, but the yakuza isn't a career for Kiryu, it's a set of beliefs he carries with him. He wears the suit the same way he wears the dragon on his back: as an indelible part of his self-image.

[sanguineshade]

I doodled Blazblue characters from memory

Here they are (Calamity Trigger playable characters):

Ragna=The=Bloodedge

I think this is a great start to show my inability to remember all these metal bits. Also I still can't believe his boots are red I think @smellpelt just painted them over the official art on the wiki while I wasn't looking.

Jin=Kisaragi

Look, we all have our days of rolling out of bed and going out in our pyjamas. Yes I remembered his sleeves but forgot his jacket. No I don't wanna talk about it.

Noel=Vermillion

She's... doing her best. Even if I forgot the color of the ribbons. And smellpelt had to remind me she wears sleeves so I just hastily painted them over the lineart. I think giving her leggings was an bold artistic choice.

Rachel=Alucard

That is less an artistic reproduction and more of a vague memory. I'm impressed it's this close to the character select pose, given the fact I didn't remember this art at all. It could've been worse, by the way, smellpelt had to make me add her big red bow. Also, I should've realized the bat wings go around her dress, of course that makes much more sense than they being on her back (sarcasm)

Taokaka

One cannot possibly forget Taokaka but one can forget how her boots look like (as well as forget the bows on her braids) (and get some colors wrong). Miau.

Tager

Look, the only things I remembered about this man were that he was 1 huge, 2 red, 3 wearing glasses and 4 donning a metal skirt. And unfortunately I couldn't even deliver on that last point. I am a coward. Still impressed I got his character order right.

Litchi=Faye=Ling

I managed to miss all of the black bits on her outfit but aside from that, I'm quite content about this one.

Arakune

It could've been better, but it couldn't possibly be wrong. Everyone can get a good grade in drawing Arakune. The centipede is not quite right though.

Bang=Shishigami

Bang fans may want to look away from this one. It does not spark joy methinks.

Carl=Clover

I am using the Chronophantasma Character Select art instead because it shows much more of what I got wrong. Which was a lot. As in, "there's an entire shirt missing" lot. My guess is I was trying to give the boy a summer fit.

Haku=Men

I would be very sad if I didn't get Hakumen mostly right so I am glad to relate that I did, in fact, get him mostly right. It still pains me that I didn't remember his feet because I think they're really cute. Who said that. Hakumen is the worst guy. Anyways moving on.

Nu-13

And we go out on a whimper tonight, folks.

Anyways, poll time!

Even if it's just a small annoyance, even if you think it's whatever if I got the details wrong, do tell me which character you wanted to see right the most. Who's the most special BBCT character to you, basically, the one you think deserves to be remembered in all their details. Personally, my pick is Carl. I wish I had remembered him more accurately.

[youremyheaven]

As a woman, am I not capable of being a genius? I read women are the Moon, thus vessels for men and have no light of their own. Women need to devote to a man who is the Sun and shine his light. That men as Solar are the only ones capable of being originators of ideas or progress or Truth (as they say) and thats how its intended to be, the woman/women since the sun cannot be restricted to one woman unless he desires to be should accept. Is it true or misogyny disguised as spirituality?

"Women are said to be the highest of vessels both physically and spiritually. We are the Moon which receives the light from the Sun and consequently reflects his light, his genius, all that he is. The Moon doesn’t shine on her own, but only in his light. His light is all over her body. She is the vessel that receives and is filled, thereafter “cooks” and gives birth to his energy, both in a physically literal way as a child or in an energetic sense, like a woman automatically subconsciously becomes the student of her chosen consort." - Taralina Nau (The Importance of Maintaining Female Sexual Purity on Medium)

I read the whole article (what you put in quotes) and I don't find it particularly misogynistic. I think men and women have a different relationship with sex. Women are by nature more inwardly drawn and emotional.

Men can bang 200 faceless women and maybe they'll feel disgusted afterwards but they'll more or less be okay. It's just not in their nature to absorb as such??

But a woman can't walk away from such an experience without being brutally affected by it.

But that said what you mentioned in the first part of your question is interesting.

A lot of the "divine feminine" content online reeks of misogyny and this includes Claire Nakti

But I did not interpret the specific Moon- Sun metaphor to mean that women can't be brilliant.

Moon has no light and women are inherently Lunar but there is strength and power in being receptive and reflecting light. The Sun can shine it's light but that's about it. The Moon receives AND reflects it. Imagine thinking that's not brilliant???

If you're entirely in darkness and all other stars around you are also dark, do you know how incredible you have to be to absorb and reflect light??? It's not a "lack", it's a quality and strength that's part of the Moon's unique nature. It does not create but reflects.

This is why the planet of creativity, Venus, is Yin. Because creation does not take place in "lack" or "absence". You can't make something out of nothing. In order to make anything, you have to draw from your influences.

Same goes for Moon. Light can't be created out of nothing. Only the Sun can do it. Does it make all other planets stupid??? Every planet has its own qualities 😩

The biological nature of a woman is to receive, alchemize and create.

We only need a sperm to make a whole ass baby inside us. Is that not mind blowing??? A human being with personality, likes, dislikes, talents etc is made within us???

But we do need that sperm. We can do 95% by ourselves but the other 5% we need from a man.

And that's fine??? It's completely alright?? It does not show weakness or inability?? Like am I also supposed to create the sperm on my own?? Lmao??

We were not put on this earth to be completely independent. Life would be disharmonious that way.

Now you may ask, what about men?

Men are Solar. The Sun creates its own light, it shines by itself. But it's life lacks purpose all alone.

Men don't do anything within their bodies, they're not wired that way. They don't have an interior life. That DOES NOT MEAN they're self sufficient or completely independent. They're inherently missing the feminine principle, the way the woman misses the sperm (the masculine principle lmao)

They seek it in art, poetry, beauty, gambling, porn, music, cinema, all forms of creativity because that's the Yin spirit. Even if a man avoids women and dies a virgin, he's still seeking the Yin in other ways. Why are women the biggest distraction for a man??? Because his presumed sufficiency feels hollow and empty and he needs to discharge himself energetically onto someone else.

Why are there so many films about rich, handsome, successful men who live lonely lives??? Because without the Yin, sufficiency feels limiting. Yin energy is innately spiritual and awakens them to both fun, pleasure etc but also subconsciously connects them to spirit and makes them feel alive. A man who has never been in love vs one who has are two different breeds.

[20001541]

sometimes, I look at Yoichi’s death panel and I feel like AFO looks more confused than just plain possessive, and usually whenever we see AFO (or anyone) use a quirk there’s some drawing or little things to show that, but in this scene we didn’t…

so maybe it wasn’t AFO’s fault? Maybe it was the transfer??

like All might did say to Izuku that his limbs would burst off if he gets one for all without a good or trained body, and I mean Yoichi’s pretty frail, and this is my theory lmao that I thought of last night while trying to sleep, probably someone else has thought of it but 🤷‍♀️

I've heard of this theory before from other people, but it's one I personally disagree with for several reasons.

yes while all might did tell izuku that his limbs would burst if he received ofa without training his body to be stronger, ofa happened to be very weak during the scene in the sewer. there weren't any other quirks stacked in it like when izuku received ofa, the two quirks that had been inside yoichi combined into one. so yoichi only had one quirk in him at that time so don't think there would've any strain on his body from that.

you also have to take into consideration that ofa during all mights time was extremely powerful and had all the quirks from the previous users inside it. I think if ofa had been too strenuous for yoichi to handle he would've died the moment afo gave him the other quirk that combined with the one he already had, not randomly explode two months later. I think if it had been too much for his body to handle he would've died similar to the way shinomori died, but he didn't live long enough to see if that would happen to him or not.

there is also this scene at the end of 407, where we get a glimpse of afo's own thoughts as he watches yoichi run away from him in the sewers.

this shows that afo was already extremely upset watching yoichi run away with men who hate him. also just look how afo focused on yoichi holding kudou's hand right before we see that same hand be severed from yoichi's body with blood surrounding it. and the next chapter we see how it wasn't only his hand that was severed but that his entire body fell apart. so yeah I don't think it's a coincidence that yoichi fell apart right after afo was staring at their hands and says "enough of this". he probably reached out his hand to stop them only to accidently use a quirk in his distressed state of mind.

the biggest reason why I don't like this theory though has to be from more a narrative stand point. to me I think it is extremely ironic that the one person afo cares and loves the most is someone he accidently killed because he got upset that he didn't want anything to do with him anymore. his whole life he has maintained this grip on yoichi and he assumed that yoichi always be there for him, yet the moment yoichi found the opportunity to escape he took it.

just imagine how big of a slap to the face it felt to afo, who presumably had been hunting yoichi nonstop after he escaped, to see that not only is his brother running from him but that he refuses to look back at him. and there's something tragic in how he spends the next century chasing after one of the only pieces of his brother he has left and blames everyone but himself for the reason why yoichi isn't with him anymore. we know the vault is what ultimately pushed yoichi away from him, but if you add on that afo is the reason why yoichi is dead in the first place it just makes it 10 times worse.

if you turn this into a "yoichi only died because ofa was too much for his body" it erases all of that and takes the blame off of afo for yoichi's death. while he did give him the extra quirk, you can't find afo fully at fault if you claim the quirk killed yoichi because how was afo supposed to know that would happen? he even said he tried to get a weak quirk so his brothers body would handle it well so he took precautions.

I think it works better if afo's own inability to see yoichi as person with his own free will and not an object he owns is what ultimately killed yoichi. because that's how this whole conflict started right? afo wanted yoichi to conform to his will alone, he didn't care about how yoichi felt about the matter nor about his free will. he was only concerned with getting him to follow him and be by his side no matter what.

that's my thoughts on the matter though, thanks for sending the ask I've been wanting to talk about this particular subject for a while now

[thatswhatsushesaid]

i wish there was a way to avoid seeing romantic 3zun art/fic in the tags without also filtering out any and all discussion of non-romantic 3zun dynamics. and it's not just because i don't ship it.

like, i am extremely here for the hot mess that is the dissolution of the sworn brotherhood! i have lost hours of sleep turning the incompatibility of nmj and jgy's worldviews over and over in my head like a grim thought-pancake! i am bewitched by the narrative spectre of nmj and lxc's friendship-that-once-was, which casts a long and complex shadow over lxc's inability (or refusal) to recognize the real and present danger that nmj was to jgy's life, up until it was too late for him to meaningfully intervene. and i am of course never going to shut up about the relationship between jgy and lxc, which was something that managed to grow and thrive and bring them both real strength and joy, against all odds. like these two men would not have been friends, and would never have become friends, let alone each other's closest confidantes, had the war not thrown them into each other's paths outside the normal strictures of cultivation world society. i'm still insane about precious that emotional intimacy remains between them, however one chooses to interpret that relationship, because for the two of them, there really is nothing comparable to it in the rest of the book. love that shit.

fanon 3zun as a dysfunctional polycule is a thing that floats many a shipper's boat, which is fine, whatever works for you etc., but it is frustrating trying to sift the fanon out of the search results when there is no canon non-romantic 3zun tag. because canon 3zun isn't a polycule, just like the individual ships that can be derived from it aren't canon either. canon 3zun is unbalanced and volatile and unfair to each different member of the sworn brotherhood for different reasons. canon 3zun is not three different men with three different-but-equal levels of romantic investment in each other. lxc is biased in jgy's favour and chooses his company and perspective over nmj's. yet lxc is nmj's only real friend, and the only person who seems capable of extracting reason or compassion from him, other than nhs. and while nmj was the first person to recognize meng yao's worth and promote him to a position of authority during the sunshot campaign, whatever respect and admiration they once held for each other was irreparably damaged by 1) what happened at nightless city, and 2) the jinlintai steps confrontation.

maybe i can just draw this hold on--

okay i tried drawing two separate diagrams to help illustrate my thought process here, and i think?? this one gets at the heart of my thoughts better, even if it isn't perfect. here's the key to unlocking the above quagmire of colours and lines and my chicken scratch:

green = nmj; gold = jgy; blue = lxc (simple enough)

type of relationship (solid line = friendship; dotted line = ??? professional?)

gradients = an attempt at visualizing the level of investment each party has in their respective relationships with each other. this one was extremely difficult to render and i'm not 100% happy with what i've settled on, but it's the closest approximation to the idea in my brain.

arrows = indicates my clumsy effort at showing who is "moving towards" whom, strictly in terms of the longer term trajectory of the characters' relationships with each other in the text.

prints this out to stick it on my wall and stare at it for a while. hmmm. hmmmm.

[kassifieddocuments2]

i love drawing strange parallels between characters i enjoy... here's old men who did terrible things out of an unwillingness or inability to truly assess their motivations and confront their situation. Asgore Dreemurr of Undertale and Rainhaze of @barrenclan. ignore how i forgot to finish the lines for asgore's beard and only noticed it after cropping and darkening the black lol

more yapping under the cut, with spoilers for both

Asgore is genuinely one of my favorite characters in Undertale. He's friendly, he's fluffy, but he's also a coward. Why did he keep the "kill every human who enters the underground" thing going? Because he didn't want to confront his people after making that decision. They had hope. He could hope that humans could stay away, right? But they didn't. And now you're here. His fate, and the fate of every other monster, is in your hands. Do you continue the cycle of needless killing, or do you try to show kindness, show them that peace is still an option in that world?

Rainhaze never got that opportunity to be confronted with his choices in that way. He was far too deep into Defiance, and his own idea that dying is like falling asleep. His own death was a challenge to that. He hurt his family. He killed two of them. All for not wanting to face his family, friends, all of BarrenClan after the choices he made.

[sassypotatoe1]

Look I'm autistic and that means that regulating my emotions is hard, which also means that emotions too heavy to handle will get subconsciously suppressed and dissociated from and then I'll cry my eyes out over tiny things because that's a level of upset I can manage that isn't so overwhelming that I hurt myself in my upset (unintentionally).

So when I'm crying over a cartoon of a post-apocalyptic cat wanting to play with her human but her human is dead so she can't play I'm not actually sobbing my eyes out over the comic. I mean I am, but if my reaction seems completely disproportionate it's because it is, because it's not just about the confused kitten. It's about the countless countries where genocide and war is taking place, the stupid high amount of family members I've lost over the past 5 years, the global cost of living crisis that's getting ignored by all of the governments because the richest guys are the richest anyone has ever been in human history so clearly it can't be that bad, right?

It's about being overwhelmed from work, exhausted, disabled, chronically ill and faced with an expensive and pretty close to useless healthcare system that will see a years-old painful lump in the same spot at the top of my neck on the one side, my head tilting to that side subconsciously, frequent ear and sinus infections on that side, and bloody ear wax on that side and prescribe a children's antihistamine and placebo 'anxiety medication'.

It's about the medical field knowing how to successfully transplant an entire penis so it has full function and sensation, but not knowing that endometrial tissue doesn't show up on sonar 90% of the time yet still not only uses sonar imaging exclusively to look for endometriosis, but also fucks up organs around the uterus so bad when removing the uterus because of endometriosis that people get hernias that keep coming back in their large intestine that can and has killed people. And removing the uterus isn't even a good treatment method for endometriosis it can very often still come back.

It's about governments banning men in heavy makeup and wigs reading children's books to children because they're "pedophiles" but actual pedophiles not only walk free, but are celebrated and revered and still allowed access to children and far too much money.

It's about the only apparent solution to all the injustice in the world being full scale revolution, which for all its virtues will always come with the loss of innocent lives. And it's about my own inability to see any other option, nevermind implement it. And my inability to do anything, because I'm paralyzed by the possibilities of the negative impact my actions will have on innocent lives in an attempt to help.

So yeah I spent 25 minutes sobbing over drawings of a cat last night but really I was grieving the world I'd hoped we'd become, and how far we've strayed from that dream.

[corri-coral]

I can't draw men (ft. My inability to draw hands)

TW: NUDITY (nothing showing but they still nakey)

Anyway...