#Internship & Live Project
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i do find it funny how whenever i bring up entomology and a scientific fascination with butterflies people are like "yeah they're so important to the environment!" and that's true. but that's not what i care to study about...
#melonposting#i'm doing something lepidopterology related for my final art project#and the teacher was like yeah! and you can talk about conservation and stuff#and yeahhhh that's important but also that's never been what i cared about??#i'm fascinated with how they look and how they behave and how they live and how they evolved#and i care a lot about the environment but my interest in butterflies is not really ecological#and a lot of these internships too are talking about insects' ecological roles#which is an important thing to study! and i guess a topical/hot-button thing when we're thinking about climate change!#but i just find them interesting :'D i don't know if that kind of study is marketable in science but that's just what it is#i'm not opposed to going more ecological in my studies but that's very much not how i got into it#i wasn't the type of kid who had to be made to tolerate bugs by being told they're important#i found them cool and pretty anyway so that was never really a factor i guess
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I cannot stay at this job for a second longer than I have to this sucks so bad holy shit
#ember talks#my supervisor keeps saying she wants to bring me on as a contractor after the internship ends and I have no way of telling her uh#respectfully I do not think I’d live through the semester if I did that#it’s not even grueling work I just hate the content and the company culture is a funeral at best#I can do corpo culture w layoffs or I can look at photos of necropsies for 8 hours a day#I can’t do both but I have to this summer#especially with the continued assumption I’m cis and straight and neurotypical in such a weirdly aggressive way#I have a presentation that I’ve been putting off building the slide deck for bc I just. I don’t know how to spin my project#it’s basically a grunt labor project but I’m qualified enough to speak to the principles behind it#but I was told to not talk abt the principles#or about what an archive is#and I got flack for not working 20 extra unpaid hours last week but there’s no way for me to do that without getting fired#I hate it so fucking much I’m so tired#I’m so tired of being tired#I know every job is going to suck but at least the other ones don’t have me staring at viscera trying to figure out how I can upload it#I know I should feel fortunate to have this job but I’m just lying on the floor sobbing rn#I’ve been working since 6:30 this morning I should just. stop#log the fuck off give the fuck up try again next week#(Monday I have an interview for a hopefully chiller job in the fall and I’m very excited for it tbh)#the team seems cool and it’s . idk it’ll be something I can live with doing#and I can work my other school year gig and I miss that team so much and they said they missed me too and#god I just rly wanna work full time at the library I work at during the year
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messing around a bit
#delete later#man i havent rly drawn for myself in a while it feels weird#trying to play around w my style lately but i dont think its getting anywhere whwhkjsdghjdg#shoutout to yuzuru if nobody's got me after burning out all of my creative juices ik hes got me#should probably go to sleep early tonight got assigned another project to work on through next week at my internship 😔#still going through a very mixed feelings stage regarding on how i see my art but ill live i guess#just. nothing is good enough. im never gonna be satisfied. i think this looks fine. this is the worst thing ive ever seen and made.#im gonna fall behind. it isnt a race. everyones already far ahead. maybe this is okay. why are you satisfied with this much its not enough.#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa being an artist am i right ! agony#well i guess lately its not that i just havent been drawing things for me but more like i cant for some reason. burnouts an asshole#even though i really really did want to make things it honestly sucked ass not being able to i rly dont know what id do if i cant draw#actually took some time for myself yesterday and walked around town a bit it was nice. pierced my ears again and treated myself#but as consequence of course i am now broke </3 unfortunate#hmmmmm idk what im saying kdjsjgdhhskgjdhsdg hope things r going well for everyone else if you're even reading this! may u have a good week#man i wish i just knew if things are gonna be okay#hngggg baru aja tiga bulan masuk balik sekolah sama udah secapek ini wkwkwkwkkwkwk payah gk sih gw ini#masih setahun lebih sampe lulus juga head in hands kenapa gk bisa tidur buat seminggu aja aaagh#ya yang penting juga gw masih hidup sih gk mau kemana-mana kyk gini#aaaaaaaaa gk mau masuk studio besokkkk mau tidurrrr#me when i have to do my job at work#i wonder what i should make for lunch and dinner tomorrow. knowing me though ill end up falling asleep as soon as i get out of the shower#sorry this is. all over the place props if you're even reading this far LOL apologies you have to see me rant a bit
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I had my final review for my probationary period at work today, and it went really well. Feels good to finally have a boss who appreciates the fact that I'm a perfectionist/neurotically detail-oriented weirdo
#also oddly enough the research skills i cultivated in high school/college are really helping me in this job#my boss was like 'you're always doing stuff that i would never think to do and it's impressive'#and i'm just like#you've got all the weird research projects i did at school to thank for that#like i did an internship at the start of covid for a literary org in chicago#and they wanted me to find important dates in authors' lives so we could make a chicago literary calendar#and i was like. okay. lemme find out when they received certain awards.#which then had me spending DAYS combing through newspaper archives from the last century trying to find the specific date an award was give#i also found one author's wedding anniversary#like is this an uncommon way of going about a project like this? bc my internship supervisor was impressed#and i was just like. well newspapers tend to report on awards like this so it just made sense to me?#and my supervisor said they wanted stuff outside of birthdays & death days#and imo the next most notable event in a lot of authors lives/careers is receiving awards or getting a novel published#(which yeah i also combed through digital archives to find publication notices for certain books)
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Best PHP Certification Training at Webcodeft Technologies Hamirpur H.P
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Today was apparently my 2nd Tumblr anniversary👀
I've not been that active recently because I currently have a lot going on at university and there are many things I need to take care of, but hopefully that will settle down soon.
I just wanted to say that I'm quite happy with my little blog here and how it has developed so far, and I'm especially happy to have got to known people who share my interests and that I have even become mutuals with some of them c:
I have to say that out of all social media platforms Tumblr is actually probably my favourite at the moment. It's definitely not perfect (*cough* bots), but I feel like it's often less overwhelming than some other apps. I really don't care at all how many followers I have on here, and at least in my bubble it's literally just a chill place to to be crazy about fictional characters together xD So hopefully on to more years!
#I want to draw and write again so badly but ughh projects#I actually even like the topic of this semester a lot#our main focus is making 3D games (I'm in a computer science study programme not sure if I ever really mentioned it before tbh)#it's super cool but you have like no free time (or I just need to manage my time better who knows)#also I need to apply for an internship for the next semester which is like a constant panic factor at the back of my head#but once I got that sorted out everything will get more chill hopefully#also where I live it's midnight rn so I technically missed the anniversary with this post but we'll ignore that#selniasoriginal
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Even though I knew it was coming I’m still freaking out over the interview for a summer internship.
#like do I still want to take it if I have to live in Las Vegas for three months? probably#but it would be so stressful#I’m sorta hoping they want a hybrid thing where I can go in person for the first few weeks then work from home once I understand the method#I’ve never done mo cap animation and that’s intimidating#I thought I’d take law over the summer but now I don’t know if I should#but if I get this internship it would mean I get to skip a project class which would be cool#although I don’t know if I want to bail on my team or if I’d still need the next project semester#it’s all complicated but I know everything will be okay it’s just scary#ramblies
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#online IT courses#online IT courses with certification#online IT courses in UAE#online IT courses platform#online IT training institute#best online live training in computer programming#expert training#real time projects#best course in 2023#best online IT course with internship
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my tags got out of hand
i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.
and that should be fine; but it's never fine.
i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.
for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.
we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.
i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.
restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.
#oh my god i’m not the only person in the whole world who has Struggles and Difficulties#i am in pharmacy school which means i have no money no time etc and so every single thing that would bring an iota of joy or escape#must be cut for time because you haven’t studied for your exam next month so no you cannot start watching that the show.#and because you missed the deadline two weeks ago for that group project that the others did for you there will be no sitting at the piano#also you made a c and not a b on the exam yesterday so maybe instead of ordering takeout like you said you were going to#(because you know that you don’t buy real food on the rare occasion you go to the grocery store)#instead you’re gonna have to pick through your bare cabinets and empty fridge freezer for something. or just not eat#like you sometimes do#this is not a problem bc you’ve saved your money which you can’t afford to waste#that’s what they told you when you started: tell your friends you can’t see them much because a doctoral program is a time commitment#they said: you need to quit your side hustles and get an internship#they said: you need to ask for cleaning supplies for your birthday—and clothes and shoes bc tuition is very expensive#this isn’t some deficiency on your part. everyone else lives in isolation with no hobbies or entertainment too.#the only difference is that THEY spend all that time studying and reviewing and working and preparing—#while YOU are laying in bed all day because the thought of writing that paragraph is nauseating and tomorrows exam is slowly enveloping you#and you can tell because you had to retake those 2 classes and you have to retake another one this summer.#never mind that you still don’t know anything. just keep playing the part. stay afloat until this week’s exam is over#then you can worry about next week’s exams#(you WILL worry about next week’s exams)#learning the ukulele isn’t going to ease your stress it’s just gonna make you feel guilty#what do you mean you already feel guilty because you’ve pulled the ukelele out exactly twice since mom gave it to you for christmas?#that webseries updates 4 times a week. can you honestly tell me that you have 4 hours a week where you don’t feel shame#about not exceeding expectations anymore?#i thought not. close your compute— you didn’t even take it out of your bag.#do you ever take it out of your bag at home?#you don’t.#well i can see why you’re such a fucking failure#it’s 3:27 am but i won’t bother telling you to shower or brush your teeth- i know you don’t do that.#you went to bed three and a half hours ago now it’s time to sleep#maybe we’ll see what tomorrow has for us
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おしゃかしゃま / Oshakashama | RADWIMPS
#おしゃかしゃま#oshakashama#radwimps#音楽#gif#my gifs#tw flashing#ruminating on the end of the year & how lucky i am to have seen this song in person#still can't believe it 🥹#there is little else that resonates as deeply as radwimps' music for me#it continually gives me strength#and pushes me forward#that i got to see them live this year?#ah my chest aches with a happiness i can't quite name :')#i'm so looking forward to their future projects#not to be overdramatic but the last day of my internship i read the news about 正解 & cried#(happy tears ofc)#very excited for january#AND february actually bc that's when 舟を編む starts airing !!#so yes#here's to the future ✨😊
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