#Information on Diseases & Conditions for Parents

[studies-notes]

Infant And Newborn 17 Most Common Health Issues

Babies and newborn health problem very painful for every parents. As easy as it is to be a parent, it is not so easy to take care of infant and newborns. Many of us are unable to recognize the body problems of infant and newborns. So today I discusses about 10 most danger and 17 most common health problems and signs. If you are new parents and your need babies care tips you come to right place. Medical Hernia Therapy Treatment.

10 Most Danger Signs In Newborn

There are several danger signs in newborns that require immediate medical attention. If you notice any of the following signs in your newborn, you should seek medical attention right away:

1. Breathing difficulties: If your baby is having trouble breathing or has rapid or shallow breathing, it is a cause for concern.

2. Cyanosis: If your baby’s skin or lips appear blue or purple, it may be a sign of a lack of oxygen in the blood. Baby Child Finger Guard Stop Thumb.

3. Temperature instability: If your baby’s body temperature is too high or too low, it may indicate an underlying condition.

4. Poor feeding: If your baby is not feeding well or has not had a wet diaper in several hours, it may be a sign of dehydration or other medical conditions.

5. Lethargy or unresponsiveness: If your baby is unusually sleepy or unresponsive, it may be a sign of an underlying medical condition.

6. Seizures: If your baby is having seizures, it is a medical emergency and requires immediate attention.

7. Jaundice: If your baby’s skin appears yellow or they have a high level of bilirubin in their blood, it may be a sign of jaundice, which requires medical attention.

8. Abdominal distension: If your baby’s abdomen appears swollen or bloated, it may be a sign of a serious medical condition.

9. Bleeding: If your baby is bleeding from the nose, mouth, or umbilical stump, or has blood in their stool or urine, it is a cause for concern.

10. Rash: If your baby has a rash that is spreading or appears to be infected, it may be a sign of a serious medical condition.

If you notice any of these danger signs in your newborn, it is important to seek medical attention immediately. In some cases, early intervention can prevent serious complications or even save your baby’s life.

Read Also : 19 Ways to Stay Healthy During Pregnancy (Doctor Advice)

Most Danger Common 17 Health Problems for Infant & Newborn

Jaundice: This is a common condition that occurs when a baby’s liver is not yet able to break down bilirubin (a waste product) efficiently, causing yellowing of the skin and eyes.

Colic: Some babies may cry excessively, often for no apparent reason, during their first few months of life. This is known as colic, and it can be distressing for both the baby and the parents.

Reflux: Gastroesophageal reflux (GER) is when the contents of the stomach come back up into the esophagus, causing discomfort or pain. GER is common in newborns and can cause vomiting or spitting up.

Diaper rash: This is a common condition that occurs when a baby’s skin is irritated by urine or feces in their diaper. Diaper rash can be prevented by changing the baby’s diaper frequently and using a diaper cream.

Thrush: This is a fungal infection that can affect the mouth of a newborn. It can cause white patches on the tongue or inside the cheeks, and can sometimes be accompanied by fussiness or feeding difficulties.

Congestion: Some newborns may experience congestion, which can make it difficult for them to breathe through their nose. This can be caused by a variety of factors, including dry air or a cold.

SIDS: Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) is a rare but serious condition that can occur in newborns. SIDS is not fully understood, but there are steps that parents can take to reduce the risk, such as putting babies to sleep on their backs.

Ear infections: Ear infections are common in infants and young children. Symptoms may include ear pain, fever, fussiness, and difficulty sleeping.

Diarrhea: Infants can experience diarrhea for a variety of reasons, such as a viral or bacterial infection, teething, or a reaction to formula or food.

Constipation: Some infants may have difficulty passing stool, which can be caused by a variety of factors, including dehydration, a low-fiber diet, or a medical condition.

Skin conditions: Infants may develop various skin conditions, such as eczema, cradle cap, or baby acne. These conditions are usually not serious and can be treated with topical creams or ointments.

Respiratory infections: Infants are at increased risk for respiratory infections, such as bronchiolitis, pneumonia, or the common cold.

Allergies: Infants can develop allergies to a variety of substances, such as food, pet dander, or pollen. Allergies may cause symptoms such as hives, rash, or difficulty breathing.

Anemia: Some infants may develop anemia, which occurs when there is a shortage of red blood cells. Anemia can be caused by a variety of factors, such as a nutritional deficiency or a medical condition.

Teething: Teething can be a painful process for infants, as their teeth push through their gums. Symptoms may include fussiness, drooling, and biting on objects. Baby Silicone Shampoo Scalp Hair Massager.

It is important to remember that any concerns about your baby’s health should be discussed with a healthcare professional.

Abdominal distension: Abdominal distension in a newborn baby can have various causes, and it’s important to have a medical professional evaluate the baby to determine the underlying cause.

Some possible causes of abdominal distension in a newborn include:

Swallowed air: Newborns may swallow air while feeding, which can cause temporary abdominal distension. This is usually harmless and resolves on its own.

Constipation: If a newborn is having difficulty passing stools, it can cause a buildup of gas and stool in the intestines, leading to abdominal distension.

Intestinal obstruction: A blockage in the intestines can cause abdominal distension, along with symptoms such as vomiting, constipation, and lethargy.

Gastrointestinal infection: Certain infections, such as rotavirus, can cause abdominal distension and other symptoms like diarrhea, vomiting, and fever.

Inflammatory bowel disease: In rare cases, newborns may develop inflammatory bowel disease, which can cause abdominal distension along with other symptoms like diarrhea and weight loss.

If a newborn has abdominal distension, it’s important to seek medical attention promptly. A doctor can perform a physical exam and may order tests like X-rays or blood tests to help determine the cause of the distension. Depending on the underlying cause, treatment may involve dietary changes, medication, or surgery.

Fever: Fever in a newborn baby can be a concerning symptom, and it is important to consult a healthcare professional if you suspect your baby has a fever. A fever is generally defined as a rectal temperature of 100.4 degrees Fahrenheit (38 degrees Celsius) or higher in infants under three months of age. Some possible causes of fever in a newborn baby include:

Infection: A newborn baby may develop a fever as a result of an infection, such as a bacterial or viral infection. Common infections in newborns include sepsis, meningitis, pneumonia, and urinary tract infections.

Immunizations: Some vaccines may cause a fever in newborns, such as the hepatitis B vaccine. This is usually a mild and temporary side effect.

Overdressing: Newborns may develop a fever if they are overdressed or in a warm environment. It is important to keep your baby comfortable and monitor their temperature.

Teething: Teething can cause a low-grade fever in some babies.

Other medical conditions: Less commonly, a fever in a newborn may be a sign of a more serious underlying medical condition.

If you suspect your newborn has a fever, it is important to seek medical attention. Your healthcare provider may perform a physical exam, order tests, or recommend treatments based on the cause of the fever. Treatment may include medication, such as acetaminophen, to reduce the fever and manage any underlying conditions. It is important to follow your healthcare provider’s instructions and monitor your baby’s temperature closely.

Read Must : What Are 10 Essential Foods Chart for Pregnant Mothers?

[maniacwatchestheworld]

Things to do with Jack and Maddie without them being abusive

As someone who actually likes Jack and Maddie as characters (I'm a fervent shipper of Maddie/Jack/Vlad), it's a real bummer to see so many people out there deciding that for their DPxDC AUs that Jack and Maddie are abusive, when that really doesn't represent how they are in canon. Now I fully acknowledge that doing this can be a very useful tool for telling certain types of stories, and if you want to make a story about recovering from abuse and finding a new found family, all the more power to you for that! But for any other type of story where them being abusive isn't necessary for the backstory of the story you want to tell... It's just a bummer to do that, y'know? If you don't want to tell a story with Jack and Maddie in it, that's entirely fine! I'm not asking you to. But there are ways to get rid of them without making them abusive or dying. Of the two, I personally would prefer them dying (I just like the story potential of that, especially as far as Vlad is concerned). But there are plenty of easy things to do with them to keep them out of the story that don't require them being abusive or dead! So I'm here to give a list of things that can happen to them (that have precedent within either Danny Phantom itself or the DC universe) that keep them out of the story that don't require much explanation as well as some other ideas for what you can do with them if you have no idea what to do with them otherwise.

Lots of ideas under the cut! (Feel free to take what you want. As always, credit is appreciated, but not necessary. But I would love to see what you do with it!)

If you need them permanently absent so that Danny can get adopted

Fell into the Ghost Zone and cannot be found.

They are gone for whatever reason and Jazz is currently Danny's legal guardian (she's 18 or older and is therefore a legal adult).

While in the Ghost Zone, they accidentally traveled through time/got transported somewhere where they can't get home easily.

They got severely Joker gassed and are in medical care. (This is actually what happened to Duke's parents!)

They got severely Scarecrow gassed and are in medical care.

Went insane for some supervillain-related reason and are now missing/in medical care.

They were kidnapped by a villain for some reason.

They were kidnapped by a villain and are currently in a lotus-eaters simulation and therefore don't even know that they've gone missing.

Abducted by aliens.

They got wrapped up in some supervillain bullshit and now have amnesia and are unable to recognize Danny and Jazz.

They got magicked into something that can't take care of Danny and Jazz.

They were experimented on and are now incapable of taking care of Danny and Jazz.

Some cosmic entity did a whoopsie that effected Jack and Maddie and now they're in a condition/situation where they cannot take care of Danny and Jazz.

Got arrested and are in jail for some reason.

Were arrested and sent to jail for a long time. Have since joined Task Force X/the Suicide Squad for lienency.

Got hit by a stray Zeta-Beam and are now on some alien planet.

They got teleported somehow. We aren't certain about the details.

They fell into a hole to another world.

They no-clipped out of their normal reality.

Stranded with no way home.

They somehow ended up on a different planet. They are just hanging out with Space Cabbie now, who is just having a ROUGH day and can't find Earth for whatever reason.

Inducted into a Lantern Corps and are VERY busy because of it!

Coma.

Effected by a debilitating illness/disease/condition that makes them incapable of taking care of others.

They were forced to go undercover for some reason and therefore vanished. (Letting their kids know is optional)

They were forced to go undercover for some reason and were forced to fake their deaths.

They died, but came back to life. Danny has not been informed of this.

They got possessed by a superhero or supervillain who just wandered off with their bodies.

They got separated following a disaster and haven't been able to find each other again.

They've been retconned to hell and back again to the point where no one is entirely certain where they are, what they're doing, or even if they're alive anymore. Don't worry about it! Only mention them when it's relevant and the rest of the time we aren't going to bother explaining what's going on with them. If they are mentioned, accounts of where they are and what's going on with them are contradictory.

They're around, but will go unseen throughout this story

Any of the situations in the previous section, but it only happened to one of the parents, and the other is just too busy working and taking care of the kids by themselves.

The same as previous, but they also moved to Gotham.

Retcon things so that the events of Danny Phantom actually happened in Gotham City all along. (Maybe Amity Park is like... A suburb in the greater Gotham area.)

They went on vacation/were hired for a job that would take them away from home. They left Danny and Jazz to be taken care of by Vlad. Vlad is an asshole, so they ran away from him.

They went on vacation/were hired for a job that would take them away from home, but now that Jazz is over 18, she's been left in charge.

Put into Witness Protection by the government/the Guys in White.

Danny and friends have graduated from high school and are now legal adults, perhaps in college.

Danny's whole family moved to Gotham City. They're just at home/working during the events of this story.

Jack and Maddie have been hired to do some work with the Justice League and need to be away from home for an extended period of time. They have left a member of the Justice League to take care of Danny and Jazz in the meantime.

Fieldtrip/school trip to Gotham City.

Danny is old and responsible enough that Jack and Maddie trust Danny (and/or Jazz) to travel on their own. His parents are just a call away if he needs help.

Jack and Maddie are separated for whatever reason (one went missing/one is working abroad/they are divorced/one died) and the other moved to Gotham and is taking care of the kids in the meantime, but is busy and so will not appear.

Something happened to Fenton Works and the family needs to temporarily stay somewhere else while the problem with Fenton Works is sorted.

The family was driven out of town and they ran off to Gotham to escape the angry mob. (Or at least to wait until things cool down again.)

Jack or Maddie are able to work remotely and so they've moved to Gotham to do so. The kids came along/are visiting.

Jack and/or Maddie were hired for temporary work in Gotham and decided to bring the kids along.

One family member was taken to Arkham Asylum. They moved to Gotham to be closer.

Jazz went to Gotham for college. Danny is visiting.

Danny is sent to Gotham/Arkham for specialized health reasons.

Jack and Maddie have gotten in contact with a specialist that lives in Gotham and are visiting for work-related reasons.

They are on vacation in Gotham and brought the kids along. Danny and Jazz have been let off the leash to go where they want while Jack and Maddie do touristy stuff.

Visiting family/family friends living in Gotham.

They were passing through but are now unable to leave. (Bonus points if it's a No Man's Land situation.)

They were passing through, but were robbed. Jack and Maddie are dealing with the robbery stuff where Danny is off somewhere else.

They were just passing through, but Maddie and Jack got SEVERELY distracted by something and have run off to who knows where!

They are traveling with Vlad and expected Vlad to take care of and watch the kids!

Danny was abducted to Gotham.

Danny accidently ended up in Gotham somehow.

Danny somehow got transported/teleported to Gotham.

Doing an educational trip/apprenticeship/internship over in Gotham.

Danny ran away impulsively.

Some villain threatened Danny's family and forced him to run away from home.

Danny has revealed his secret to his parents, and while they might worry about Danny being a vigilante, believe in and trust Danny to do the right thing and allow him to do what he feels that he must to protect people.

The same as above, but Vlad also came out and is supervising.

They died.

I cannot understate the sheer JUICY storytelling potential that you can have by killing Jack and Maddie off! We already know how it might effect people and events from what we see in The Ultimate Enemy, but there really is limitless potential in terms of ways to twist, turn, and play with things to have different outcomes! Additionally, Jack and Maddie being genuinely good parents that die protecting Danny and Jazz offers lots of ways for Bruce to relate to Danny and Jazz! (He decided to become Batman so that no one would have to face what he did ever again... And he failed...) And the way that they die can offer some lovely different flavors of angst, coping mechanisms, motovations, and learning to deal with their loss. So here are some ideas for how to kill them off!

The universe exploded again, and when it was put back together, Jack and Maddie ceased to exist in current canon continuity. (This happens more often than you'd think.)

Vlad Wins.

They were killed in an apocalypse-level event.

They were killed in the crossfire of some superhero/supervillain fight.

They were taken by some villain. They were killed before the heroes could arrive.

They were killed in a random act of violence/crime. (Much like Batman's backstory. Do this to gain extra points from Bruce.)

Died in prison/after joining the Suicide Squad.

Gang violence.

Any of the previous but Gotham is just THAT dangerous!

Same as any gassing or supervillain plan, but they died instead of being missing or in medical care.

Got transported to a place where they died very far away from home.

They just died suddenly or because of an accident. It happens sometimes.

Things to note

Believe it or not, but your parents can still be in your life AND you can join the Batfamily AT THE SAME TIME! :D

Examples:

Barbra Gordon is very much in the Batfamily and both of her parents are alive and well. She's a very important part of the family, and in the comics, it is not uncommon to see her calling up her dad and talking to him! They'll even call each other if they need help with something. This does not take away from the fatherly role Bruce often has in her life. (She can have 2 dads and good for her for that!)

When Tim initially became Robin, his parents were alive and well. They would later die because comic writers are just like that, but being an orphan without loving parents in your life is not a prerequisite to being Robin.

Duke's parents are also alive! They are under the effects of Joker toxin, but they are alive, and if they ever find a cure for it, I imagine that they would be more than happy to have Duke back in their lives!

Terry from Batman Beyond is not an orphan and was taken under Bruce's wing to be the next Batman! Terry is even going to inherit a fair amount of Bruce's wealth for deciding to take on the responsibility of being Batman. But while his dad did die, his mom is still alive and well over the course of the series! And he has a little brother too! Terry may still be a teenager, but he is a bit of a breadwinner for his household while also still being an important part of Bruce's family. (He is often someone who helps Bruce take care of himself.)

But if the story you truly want to explore requires being adopted specifically... Well... You don't have to be a kid to be adopted! Jack and Maddie can still raise Danny and Jazz into adults and Bruce is able to adopt them later if he wants, once they have been well and established in his family! Hell, you don't even have to wait! As long as Bruce asks permission from Jack and Maddie, they can be alive AND he can adopt Danny! There is more than one way to be in a family, you know! And sometimes it takes a village! And really, would Jack and Maddie really object to Danny being adopted by billionaire Bruce Wayne, especially if Danny really is enjoying his time being a part of his family and if Bruce has been an absolutely lovely person to them whenever he visits?

So I hope that you're able to take some inspiration from all of this for your own stories! If you need some elaboration on what I mean with some of these, or want to ask who could be responsible for some of these and how, feel free to drop on by and send me an ask! I would be more than happy to go into some more detail about these! Happy writing!

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Some Law-Related Vocabulary

for your poem/story (pt. 2/4)

Admiralty - of or relating to conduct on the sea

Alter ego - second self

Attractive nuisance - a thing or condition on one's property that poses a risk to children who may be attracted to it without realizing the risk by virtue of their youth

Bequest - an act of bequeathing

Bequeath - to give by will

Bona vacantia - goods that are unclaimed and without an apparent owner

Capricious - governed or characterized by impulse or whim (e.g., lacking a rational basis; likely to change suddenly); not supported by the weight of evidence or established rules of law—often used in the phrase "arbitrary and capricious"

Colorable - having an appearance of truth, validity, or right

Damnum absque injuria - a loss for which the law provides no means of recovery

Dying declaration - a statement that is made by a person who firmly believes that he or she is about to die and has no hope of recovery and that concerns the circumstances or cause of the presumed death

Eleemosynary - of, relating to, or supported by charity

En ventre sa mere - in the womb

Euthanasia - the act or practice of killing or permitting the death of hopelessly sick or injured persons in a relatively painless way for reasons of mercy; called also "mercy killing"

Exculpate - to clear from alleged fault or guilt

Filius nullius - an illegitimate child; bastard; called also "filius populi"

Finger - to accuse or identify as guilty

Fireman's rule - a doctrine holding that a property owner or occupant is not liable for unintentional injuries suffered by firefighters or police officers in responding to a problem on the property

First blush - initial view, appearance, or consideration—used especially in the phrase "at first blush"

First degree - the grade given to the most serious forms of crimes

Hereditament - inheritable property

Homestead - a home and surrounding land

Inchoate - not yet made complete, certain, or specific : not perfected

M'Naghten test - a standard under which a criminal defendant is considered to have been insane at the time of an act (as a killing) if he or she did not know right from wrong or did not understand the moral nature of the act because of a mental disease or defect; called also "M'Naghten rule"

Mulct - fine, penalty

Mysterious disappearance - the loss of property under unknown or puzzling circumstances which are difficult to explain or understand

Pierce - to see through the usually misleading or false appearance of

Poison pill - a financial tactic or provision used by a company to make an unwanted takeover prohibitively expensive or less desirable

Prior art - the processes, devices, and modes of achieving the end of an alleged invention that were known or knowable by due diligence before and at the date of the invention

Pur autre vie - for another's life

Shark repellent - any measure taken by a corporation to discourage a hostile takeover attempt

Silent record - a record of a criminal proceeding which does not show that the defendant acted with knowledge or understanding of his or her rights (as in entering a plea of guilty or waiving the right to counsel)

Sui generis - constituting a class alone; unique or particular to itself

Vexatious - lacking a sufficient ground and serving only to annoy or harass when viewed objectively

Wrongful birth - a malpractice claim brought by the parents of a child born with a birth defect against a physician or health-care provider whose alleged negligence (as in prenatal testing or diagnosis) effectively deprived the parents of the opportunity to make an informed decision whether to avoid or terminate the pregnancy

Yellow-dog contract - an illegal employment contract in which a worker disavows membership in and agrees not to join a labor union in order to get a job

More: Law-Related Words ⚜ Word Lists

[thebibliosphere]

Hello there - I had a question which I think(?) you might be able to help with. Or at least point me in the direction of more information.

I have a few chronic illnesses and disabilities and as such there's many gremlins I deal with. One thing that crops up a lot are comorbidities between my conditions.

I'm trying to be more vigilant with regards to my health - as a child there were many, many missed opportunities to get my symptoms seen to by a doctor (all squandered due to my parents nor believing me about my symptoms).

Anyway, I wanted to ask about MCAS and if you know it's possible to have it but not realise it?

I've had a few incidents like this, but mostly forgot them or ignored them. But yesterday I ate some basil from my windowsill plant and I had what can only be described as an allergic reaction. I'm not allergic to any foods (as far as I know) but I've eaten from this exact plant before and been fine. I have mint growing next to it which I also ate and it caused the same reaction. Again, I've eaten from this exact plant before. It was like my mouth was burning or stinging and the leaves felt, spicy? In my mouth. I'm not sure how to describe it but I hope you know what I mean. Today I ate from the exact same plants and had no reaction whatsoever.

I've definitely had similar things happen before- but events like yesterday are few and far between. But utterly confounding when they do happen. I have urticaria (diagnosed since age 18) which I suspect is relevant, somehow.

I'm starting to wonder if a lot of my symptoms I've written off have actually been MCAS. But I'm not sure. Do you have any advice around talking to a doctor about this or if I have a leg to stand on so to speak?

Sending my best wishes!

Hey friend, sorry to hear you've been dealing with some neglect.

And considering MCAS was only really recognized as a condition in the last 15 years, it's absolutely possible to have it and not know until symptoms get worse. I was experiencing anaphylactoid reactions my whole childhood, but because I tested negative on IgE tests (I still do), it was dismissed as anxiety right up until I hit my 30s and I experienced my first episode of full-blown idiopathic anaphylaxis.

(Note: anaphylaxis is not a requirement for diagnosis, and not everyone experiences it.)

You should discuss your inconsistent allergies with your doctor or allergist. I would also advise pursuing allergen testing, as new allergens can develop at any time, even if you don't have mast cell instability.

If you suspect some form of mast cell instability may be the root cause of your issues, I'd suggest checking out The Mast Cell Disease Society. (Their website is in the process of being updated, still. But they have good resources there.)

Their signs and symptoms (and triggers) page has recently been updated and is fairly concise:

If any of that rings a bell, it might be worth bringing up with your allergist, but fair warning, not everyone is receptive to the idea of mast cell disorders outside of mastocytosis. (And even then some doctors gaslight their patients to hell and back.)

If you do find yourself in this situation, try joining a couple of support groups to see if there are any MCAS aware doctors in your area, or alternatively, try the TMS physician finder tool:

Sorry if it seems like I'm just throwing a lot of links at you, but they are very useful links and I'm not at my best right now to explain things.

I hope this is helpful and if I missed something, please let me know.

I wish you luck in remedying your chronic health issues <3

[merakiui]

victorian era doctor riddle rosehearts and his darling patient suffering from hanahaki disease.

dr. rosehearts who is the finest medical practitioner in town, renowned for his expertise and intelligence in the field. so it's only fitting that, as a noble and only child hailing from a wealthy set of parents, you are given the best treatment available. riddle sees so many affluent families and so you're no different. this disease, however, is an oddity. it's very scarcely documented in old texts, and most of the information regarding it has been lost to time. supposedly, the cure to this flowery ailment remains unknown. for riddle, this is as much of a challenge as it is an inspiration. he will cure you; that's his promise as a proud doctor.

so to better monitor you and keep track of your condition, riddle suggests you be moved into his home. a temporary arrangement, of course. it's not nearly as grand as what you're used to, but it is quite spacious. it's half hospital and half home, a place in which patients come to him. for isolation purposes, if their illness is particularly dangerous, amongst other reasons. and what reason would anyone have to doubt the great dr. rosehearts?

your parents are desperate. they'll do anything if it means you'll stop coughing up petals or complaining of a throat scratched sore by persistent thorns. riddle collects samples of the petals in hopes that the town's botanist rollo flamme can identify the exact species, where it commonly grows, how to safely manage it, and so on. it's a peculiar case, one riddle has only ever spied remnants of in old notes.

you rely so heavily on dr. rosehearts, your way of life compromised. you beg him to help you, to get rid of whatever's causing this. it takes time, but rollo identifies the flower. it's a curious finding. such a flower is not native to this part of the country. in fact, there should be no reason for it to be here, for it cannot thrive in this type of environment. riddle is left puzzled. just how did such a flower find its way into your system? what is sustaining it? is it sapping your life away? so many questions arise, yet none can be answered in full.

most importantly, what does the timeline look like if death looms on the horizon? how long does he have before the worst strikes?

it has been some time and, though he knows he ought to remain impartial, dr. rosehearts has found himself infatuated with his poor patient. he tends to you like one might a rose in a garden, diligently and ever so carefully, pruning away signs of sickness in order to keep you somewhat healthy. it feels inevitable, even more so when your legs give out and, much to your horror, little branches with tiny leaves begin to poke through your ankles.

so now you're placed in a wheelchair, and that is that. most days he thinks you're more doll than human, especially since your spirits seem far more dampened than they once were. you wither in your chair, quiet and wistful, longing for good health. though it's in his profession to save, he's never seen you in a more beautiful state. like a statue doomed to exist in stiff silence. like a single flower struggling to brave harsh conditions. like a doll destined to be taken care of by his gentle, capable hands.

he was never allowed dolls as a child. such toys were distracting according to his mother. but now he has one for himself and, even if he thinks himself too old to play with dolls, you're one he just can't put down.

perhaps it's for the best that your legs are broken and your lungs are weak and your entire body is supported by this parasitic plant. with this, he's given the chance to finally indulge in one of the many things he was denied as a child.

the appeal of a doll is that they are versatile. they can wear an entire wardrobe of clothes. they can be bent into various positions. they can look upon you with glass eyes and smile with rosebud lips. and they can't speak. never speak!

riddle doesn't need to be traditional for something so unethical. weddings and rings and courtship mean everything in his dreams, but he is a man watered with logic and sensibility. and you are just a quiet, fragile rose drowning in unwanted, suffocating affection.

[moomeecore]

I donated to a few funds for families in Palestine and Sudan recently, and I've seen a lot of posts saying that if you do that you should post about it, preferably describing the gofundmes and encourage people to match your donation! so here's the fundraisers in question! they are all from this list of vetted fundraisers

Try to match my donations for at least one of these fundraisers! Feel free to comment or reblog saying if you donated and encouraging other people to do so! Show people that people are donating, and that they can too!

Fundraiser for Ahmed Al Habil and family - the fundraiser is for Ahmed, his a wife, his two kids, and his parents. He has a tumblr @ahmedkhabil His father's pelvis was broken, and he is suffering with ulcers on his legs and feet, but unable to get the necessary medical attention. His daughter, Joan, has been sick with esophageal reflux, and only started to recover half a year before the family was displaced, and now her condition is beginning to worsen again. The money is being used to provide food, water, and medicine to the family of 6, and to try and save up to evacuate to Egypt. Right now they have £11,623 raised out of their £81,000 goal

Mohammed Almanasra and family - the fundraiser is for Mohammed, his wife, and his three children - who are 6, 4, and 3 years old, and their cat. Family members, including Mohammed's parents, have died because of bombings. Mohammed has chronic asthma and extreme allergies that are going untreated, and his wife's cancer treatment was interrupted by the attacks, and is now on hold. The funds will be used to evacuate the family to Egypt, to secure housing, for medical treatment, and for basic needs. They have $35,412 raised of their $50,000 goal.

Elaf Babiker and family - the fundraiser is for Elaf, her mother, her four siblings (the youngest of which is 13), and her aunt. Her mother has asthma and hypertension, and she is worried that she may develop further cardiovascular or respiratory diseases as a result of the stress and lack of medication. The funds will be used to evacuate the family from Port Sudan to Rwanda, and to help with living expenses in Rwanda. They have $20,998 raised out of their $35,000 goal

Suheir Hojok and family - the fundraiser is for Suheir, his wife, his three kids, his parents, his brother & his sister-in-law & their child. The gofundme dosen't have as much information, but there is a tumblr post with more details on their situation. They have raised $41,808 AUD out of their $70,000 goal

Abdallah and family - the fundraiser is for Abdallah, his mother and father, his brother and sister, and his cats. He also has been rescuing stray cats he finds and is doing his best to the keep them with him and try to keep them safe as well. Abdallah's cousin and two of his friends who were helping him with the animals were killed. His younger brother is a child with special needs. The funds are being used to pay for shelter/housing and basic needs for the family and the animals. They have raised $86,646 out of their $120,000 goal

[kalmiaclown]

‎‏I am mohammed ayyad of Gazans, living in very difficult conditions because of the war that the Gaza Strip is under. Since the outbreak of the war on the seventh of October we have been evacuating .

‎‏Then the journey of suffering and separation began,because my children were separated and evacuated from our home without covering or clothes., From here they became infected with diseases, and what increased our fatigue was the constant upbringing due to the different areas in which we were displaced, as we were displaced 9 times, and this was very expensive, the last of which was the 9th of this August from Hamad Town. In addition to that, we have lived in the summer season in a tent that did not exceed three meters, closed with nylon, so it is like an agricultural greenhouse atmosphere. It is very hot. All in all, we live difficult days that no human beings can afford

We have no work because of the war, and we do not have any kind of money and this is accompanied by a crazy and horrible rise in prices.

Although water is not suitable for drinking, this is the cause of many diseases

The last suffering is that we are out of Hamad without taking our purposes or our tents and now we are searching the earth in the roads and our children and our elderly parents are suffering..So we use direct donation including what they can or share links fully so people can know our tragedy and pain. Remember a small contribution can make a difference in the lives of many children who are dealing with their health condition all. Leave their details and make them happy with your generous contribution.

many posts and comments may say this is a scam, but it is not, I have done further searching and found this post verifying it. So please reblog and donate if you can. They have not been donated much money most likely due to the false information being spread!!

https://gofund.me/3a1b69e5

[zoeysdamn]

Bloodied petals - Xavier Thorpe x reader | Part.6

Summary: It’s time for you to disclose the truth about your condition to Principal Weems…and Xavier. But how much of that are you willing to share? Parents’ week-end brings a surprising new meeting. 

Warnings: angst, mentions of blood, swearing; mention of cancer and incurable diseases. 

A/N: it almost has fluff parts if you squint. Also there’s a lot of dialogues in there fsjbfhbs

[Masterlist] [Part.1] [Part.2] [Part.3] [Part.4] [Part.5]

Silence weighed heavy in the small hospital room. No one uttered a word, waiting for the other to speak first. Unfortunately for you, Principal Weems had a lot less patience than you. 

Before your stubborn silence she let out a frustrated sigh. “Fine,” she said dryly, “if you don’t want to talk, then I will. Your fellow students found you passed out in the woods, allegedly coughing blood and flowers. We brought you to the ICU, and doctors performed a scan, because heart massages weren’t enough.”

Weem’s words made you gulp slowly, as they reminded you how far the disease had already spread. Although her tone was very serious, the principal couldn’t deny the evident worry in her voice. 

“You almost died, miss L/N,” she said in a softer, yet very much serious voice. “Doctors had to put you under respiratory support for half an hour before you could breathe on your own.” 

A shiver ran down your spine. Shit, this was way, way more concerning that you had thought. The principal seemed to notice the level of distress it put you in, and softened. 

“According to Mr Thorpe, you had experienced a panic attack earlier in the evening, is that true?”

You could only nod slowly, throat tight with emotions. 

“Doctors think it’s what caused momentary heart failure,” she carried on. “But the scan results certainly intrigued them.” 

Your eyes unwillingly glanced down the x-rays on your lap, showing large flowers on the inside of your lungs quite clearly. This time you wouldn’t be able to hide the truth. 

“I’ve managed to convince them it was a very specific condition due to some family history,” she said casually, trying to sound as calm as possible. “Not that it had been easy.” 

“Thank you,” you muttered, still not meeting her gaze. 

The unexpected sound of your voice made her look at least slightly pleased. This was a good start. 

“It’s my job as Nevermore’s Principal,” she said pointedly. “But there’s no need trying to play games with me, miss L/N, and I will not leave this room before I get some answers.”

Ah, there was the accusatory tone again. But you couldn’t tell Weems anything, what if she told everyone the truth? What if Xavier became ridden with guilt? Oh god, what if he shut you out again? 

“I can’t,” you muttered, hands slightly trembling. “I can’t tell you.” 

At your distressed state, Weems’ behavior changed to a mothering one in the blink of an eye and she reached out to put one of her hands on yours. 

“You have to, Y/N,” she said softly but firmly, “according to those scans flowers are growing inside of your lungs, this is very concerning!” 

“I can’t,” you cried, breaking down under the overwhelming emotions rising in your throat, “I can’t tell you, please.”

This time, her tone became more insistent, “I need to know, so I can call your aunt and inform her of the situation.” 

The mention of your aunt made your blood freeze in your veins and you whipped your head so fast you thought your neck would break. Eyes wide open, you stared at Weems like a deer stuck in headlights. 

When Weems called your name worriedly, the shivers that had momentarily stopped rocked your whole body once again. 

��No, no no no no you can’t call my aunt, you can’t!” you whimpered, tears flowing down your cheeks uncontrollably. Nerves wrecked, you were beginning to sound straight up hysteric.  

“She’s your legal guardian, I have to keep her informed,” she insisted, trying to calm you down, but nothing seemed to work. 

You shook your head frantically, “Please,” you begged her, “please don’t tell her, I…you can’t tell her please.” 

The cries turned into pathetic whimpers, until all you could do was to sob quietly, not caring if the Principal of the school were here to witness all of this. You were so tired. 

“She will know eventually,” said Weems softly, trying to not trigger another tearful setback. “She’s your guardian, and we need to tell her what’s going on.” 

Sniffling loudly, you let her words sink into your mind, the raging tempest within gradually calming down. Deep down, you knew that Weems was right. Your aunt was bound to find out one way or another, whether from the principal or yourself. So you whipped your nose and tentatively looked up to the Principal with puffy red eyes. 

“I…I can’t tell you everything…but let me be the one telling my aunt,” you mumbled weakly. “Please…it’ll be easier for everyone…”

For a brief moment, Weems wanted to object to your demand. But the sight of your tear-stained face and pleading eyes refrained her. Seeing one of her usually strongest and most composed students having an heartbreaking emotional breakdown…she just knew she didn’t have to make things more difficult. 

So she pursed her lips, and sighed heavily, “Fine. You can be the one informing your aunt.”

“Thank you,” you whispered faintly. “I…this means a lot to me.”

She sat deeper in her chair, eyeing the x-rays sheets once again, “I suppose you know what’s all about?”

You nodded slowly, and your following silence was enough sign for her to understand you wouldn’t divulge much more about it. “It’s spreading day by day,” you said in a small voice, “this…there’s no cure for this.” 

She could only offer you a sorry look, darkened by the weight of those news. You and Principal Weems hadn’t always seen eye-to-eye, but she had been kind. She wanted to keep Nevermore students safe; and despite her efforts, you were going to die. 

“I’m sorry to hear that, miss L/N,” she muttered quietly. “Is there anything we can do to ease this…cancer?” 

Again, you shook your head. “Not really…I just want all of this to go smoothly, without too much damage…”

She nodded in understanding, raising slowly from her seat, “I see. If there’s anything you need to ease your struggle…do not hesitate to reach me.” 

You let out a small thanks. Just as she was about to open the door, Principal Weems turned to you once more. 

“I’m truly sorry for you, Y/N. I hope all of this will go smoothly for you.” 

Even through blurry eyes, you forced a weak smile on your face, “Thank you ma’am.” 

As soon as Weems exited your room, you let tears fall down your face. God, if you were getting this emotional just by getting a goodbye from the principal, then the evening of the Rave’n had weakened you more than you had thought. 

A soft knock on the door pulled you out of your thoughts and you managed to whip away the corner of your eyes just in time before a familiar face stepped into the room. 

“Hey,” greeted Xavier softly. 

“Hey,” you said with a weak smile, heart soaring at his appearance. 

No matter what happened before, you were so relieved to see him. You had almost died the previous night, and you remembered him running to your help before you blacked out. Disease or not, you loved Xavier and he was still your best friend; no matter how awkward things had been between you two the days before. 

Approaching you carefully, he fidgeted nervously with a small bag which made you smile softly. At his awkward hesitation, eyes glancing to the chair next to the bed, you chuckled softly and shifted a little. 

“C’mon don’t play coy,” you breathed out, patting the spot next to you on the bed. “You’re missing the sleepover.” 

The joke made him break into a small laugh, easing the awkward tension and he indulged, sitting on the edge of the bed. He gave the small bag he was holding, unsure of where to begin. 

“Here, it’s for you,” he said, “a get-well soon gift.”

Opening the bag to retrieve what was inside, you smiled softly at the cute pumpkin plushie. At the familiar let long-gone spark of fondness and genuine happiness in your eyes, Xavier felt his heart soar. He had missed this. 

“This is super cute, thank you,” you smiled at him.

“Anytime,” he said before a weird silence took place again. Slightly shifting on his seat, he finally managed to ask you, “How are you feeling?”

As if echoing his question, your whole body whined in pain, “Feeble,” you rasped, “tired. Nothing a good night of sleep won’t fix I guess,” you told him, with what you hoped was a reassuring smile. 

But the deep concerned look on Xavier’s face didn’t fade. “Except it won’t, will it?” 

You casted your eyes down. No need to play dumb any longer; Xavier must’ve suspected something for a long time, but after what happened the night before, there was no need in lying. 

“No it won’t,” you whispered. 

He had probably seen Weems exiting your room with a dreadful expression. Given that and what he had seen in the woods…the image of your sprawled body, chest struggling to rise through the wheezes, the white outfit stained with red paint and blood burned his mind like hot iron. The way your eyes were clouded by the unconsciousness creeping, unable to focus as he had shouted your name, begging you to say something but your mouth unmoving and only drooling droplets of blood…little did the both of you know, this would haunt him for the longest time.

Leaning forward, Xavier took your hand in his. They were bigger than yours and calloused from his hours spent painting. Even if it wasn’t the first time the two of you held hands, it felt highly intimate. 

“How bad?” he asked in a small voice, throat tight with emotion. He couldn’t even look at you, instead focusing on your intertwined hands; he feared that if he did, the tears already gathering at the corner of his eyes would spill. He had to be strong for his best friend. 

“Pretty much shitty bad,” you mumbled. 

“How bad?” he insisted, and you could swear you heard his voice break a little. 

You gulped slowly, close to crying again, “Incurable kind of bad,” you finally managed to breath out after agonizing long seconds of silence. 

Despite his best efforts to keep composure, Xavier choked on a broken sob. Maybe he had been in denial about this the whole time, maybe you were just very good at hiding it; no matter, hearing the truth was like a punch in the gut. Looking up at you with eyes full of tears, he looked completely broken. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he whispered in disbelief. 

Despite the tears tickling your eyes, you tried to smile, “I couldn’t burden you with that, Xav. It’s…this is not an ordinary disease.”

He frowned slightly mouth agape, not quite understanding what it was all about. Picking up the x-ray sheets you silently handed them to him. The crease between his brows only deepened in confusion the more he looked at them, eyes flickering back to you with a silent question, like he didn’t dare to ask. You could only nod slowly, confirming the terrible fate those sheets already predicted. Xavier swore under his breath. 

“Shit, it’s growing in your lungs?”. At your nod he swore again, “That’s why you’ve been coughing flowers…”

Your eyes widened slightly in surprise, “You noticed?”

“Been picking up some details since the Poe cup, yeah…” he trailed, “but I wish I'd figured things out sooner.” 

You squeezed his hand, the one still gripping yours, “You couldn’t know,” you tried to reassure him. “Even I had a hard time finding out what it is.” 

“Yes I could have known,” he whispered looking deep into your eyes, “you’ve tried to tell me so many times, and I…I was an idiot. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you.” 

His words made your lips wobble and your eyes fuelling with tears once again. This sight was all it took for him for muttering a “c’me here” and tugging you into a hug. His contact made you break into tears, ugly sobbing on his shoulder. God, you were so not ready to say goodbye to him.

Your hands gripped on his back, like it could allow you to cling onto life a little longer. No matter how much all of this was because of him, you couldn’t wrap your mind around the idea of losing him forever. Xavier had always been your anchor, your best friend through everything no matter who his feelings had been directed to. And now…now you have cornered yourself to the point where even his presence wouldn’t be enough to save you from drowning. 

“I’m scared Xav,” you sobbed against his neck, “I’m so fucking scared of dying.” 

His hand drew soft circles on your back, trying to soothe you the best he could; but also to remind him that you were still here. “I know sweetheart,” he whispered, head buried against yours. 

The truth was he had no idea what to say to you to make you feel better; if you weren’t shaking, you could have felt him trembling too. Tears rolled on his cheeks in silence; he was so scared of losing you too. So he did the only thing he could do for now; he cradled you in his arms, occasionally pressing soft kisses on your hair, hoping this would ease you at least a little bit. In all of his life, Xavier had never felt so helpless. 

As your sobs continued, a part of you started to be plagued with guilt for not telling Xavier what was exactly going on. The perspective of an upcoming death and the inevitable loss it would entail was painful enough, the last thing you wished for was for him to be guilt ridden. 

When you seemed to calm down a little, Xavier swallowed thickly, voice full of tears, “Is there anything we can do?”

Despite the guilt, you shook your head and his heart broke a little more. 

It wasn’t his fault you thought, no one could decide their feelings; the gradual decay of your own body would be dreadful enough for Xavier, there was no need of making him think it was actually his fault. You would take this secret with you in the tomb, that you swore to yourself. 

“I’ve tried to curb it with a potion but it didn’t work,” you admitted weakly. “I thought that weed killer would work.”

His eyes widened, “Weed ki– Y/N that shit’s toxic as fuck!” 

Ashamed, you cast your eyes down, “I just tried to fix this.”

Xavier squeezed your hands, “This isn’t fixing anything, you’ve basically been poisoning yourself!” 

“And what was I supposed to do?” you snapped back, eyes full of tears. “Waiting patiently for this to kill me? Stay here and do nothing? Fuck Xavier, do you have any idea of how painful this is?”

The gradation in your voice’s volume made your body tremble like a leaf. The anger and bitter sadness had risen up so suddenly, you hadn’t noticed your knuckle turning white as you gripped Xavier’s hand tightly. Realizing how much he had upset you Xavier quickly brought you into another hug, whispering apologies and shushing sounds into your ear. The angry bubbling turned into sobs, and soon you ended up whimpering in Xavier’s arms again. 

After a few moments, you sniffled. “Just…can you stay by my side?” you asked with a small voice. “I don’t want to be alone before…before it ends.”

Xavier lifted your chin, making you look up at his glossy hazel eyes. The emotions they held seemed enough to bring a man to his knees. “Of course,” he breathed out softly, “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” 

Despite the hot tears starting to flow again a relieved smile stretched your trembling lips. “Thank you,” you whispered, and hugged him again. 

For now, all you wanted was to spend as much time as you could with Xavier. Even if it was only as his best friend, it was already enough for you. The time you had spent together had always been your oxygen, something that got you through the days. It could help to push away the crushing fear of dying long enough. It had to. 

Gently tugging you from the hug, Xavier pressed his forehead against yours, “You’re my girl, remember? There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” 

You tried to smile weakly, “Thank you…”

He kissed your forehead so softly, like you were made of glass. His own selfish behavior from the previous weeks taunted him at the back of his mind, plaguing him with guilt. Why didn’t he pay more attention? Why has he let himself be blinded by some weird fascination for a girl who clearly didn’t give shit about him, while his own best friend was fighting for her life? 

Tightly gripping one of your hands, he almost wanted to cry. He had been such a fool. 

“Hey,” you said, gently tugging his hand to make him look at you, “it’s gonna be okay, alright?”

He shook his head in defeat, “It’s not fair,” he mumbled to try to hide his broken voice, “I wish we had more time.” 

Smiling weakly, you intertwined your fingers together, “We had plenty already. I don’t regret anything.” 

Xavier looked up at you; behind the crestfallen look in your eyes, he knew that you were, among other things, referring to your kiss. 

“But I do,” he said softly. 

Suddenly your heart dropped in your stomach, and for the briefest moment you felt like the world had stopped. Seeing your frozen state, Xavier quickly took your other hand with him in a comforting manner. 

“I regret not having given more time to think about us,” he clarified. 

Eyes widening, you could only gap at him in disbelief. “You thought about us?” you whispered. He nodded. After how the previous discussion about this topic had ended and his rejection after you kissed…you didn’t believe you’ll talk about this ever again. 

“But I thought…you said…”

“Yeah,” he croaked awkwardly, “I know what I said, I’ve been a jerk. And I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you sweetheart, I truly am.” 

Casting your eyes down, you didn’t have the heart to tell him that he hadn’t. He definitely had. 

“I can’t force you to love me that way if you don’t,” you said feebly. One of his hands came to cradle your cheek, turning your face to him once again. 

“But what if I want to?” he said, eyes almost pleading. “What if I want to give it a shot? To give us a chance?” 

This took you off-balance for a second. At first you gasped at his words, then frowned slightly. 

“I don’t want to force your hand on your feelings for a charity case Xavier,” you warned with a trembling voice. “I don’t need pity-feed love, please.”

His eyes widened, “What? No! Y/N I promise, it’s not that,” he assured, softly stroking his thumb over your cheekbone in an attempt of a soothing gesture. “I know the timing isn’t the best, but I promise you that I’m honest with you.” 

Looking at him with big watery eyes, you still quite couldn’t believe what you were hearing. “You really want to try this?” you whispered as he nodded with a faint smile. “But…I mean after we kissed…”

Once again, his own previous actions seemed to embarrass him, “I know, I– I didn’t really think then, I’ve been dumb. But after that I started to…to think about this more and more.” 

“Then why…why did you invite Bianca?” you asked, still dumbfounded. 

“I didn’t want to be the guy playing with your heart,” he said with sad eyes, “not after you had admitted that- that you loved me.” 

Hearing him saying it out loud, for the first time ever, made your heart swell and you couldn’t help but smile softly at him, which made him smile too. 

“I’ve come to realize that, maybe…maybe I could love you too.” 

His words made you frown once again, “I don’t want you to force yourself.”

“I’m not I promise,” he insisted, mentally cursing at himself for his poor choice of words. “I care about you Y/N, a lot. And,” he added with an almost shy smile, “I’ve thought about you as more than a friend before. Often.”

Tears came to your eyes; this time, with joy. “You did?”

“Yeah,” he smiled, “I’ve been wondering recently…why I hadn’t let you in that way.” 

That brought an almost sorry look in your eyes. Xavier had the tendency to torture himself – must be his artistic side. No doubt he was giving himself as much hard time as he could about this. 

“What changed your mind about this?” you asked softly, curious. 

Xavier nervously rubbed his neck, “Well, I had the thought hidden at the back of my mind for a long time but…I guess getting a little push helped.”

Your eyebrows rose, “A push?”

He let out an awkward chuckle, “More like life advice laced with threats from Enid, then Wednesday…definitely more threats on her side.”

That made you laugh a little, picturing the scene in your mind. You could definitely imagine them roasting Xavier to politeness’ limits. 

“Bianca spoke to me about this too,” he added. 

“She did?” you asked in surprise, “what did she say?”

“Something along the lines of me being an idiot,” he grinned shyly. A laugh escaped your throat, soon followed by Xavier’s. 

“Yeah that sounds like something she would say,” you agreed between light laughs. “But seriously,” you added more quietly after a few moments of guiltless euphoria, “why now?”

He hesitated, almost looking ashamed of himself. 

“I guess it just started to make sense recently.”

“How so?” you frowned. 

“I think the best friend tag put me in more denial than I thought,” he shrugged. “But ever since you asked me about us, you know, in my room that other night…it kept turning in my mind.”. His eyes bore into yours, burning with heavy remorses and unspoken things, “I… I just don’t know when I could return your feelings.”

Unable to contain your smile, you squeezed the hand that was still holding your face. Xavier had feelings for you; he could love you. All he needed was time to figure out his emotions. Maybe there was hope for you after all. 

Hugging him tightly, you closed your eyes, hopeful tears escaping them. 

“Don’t worry,” you whispered, “I’ll wait for you. I always will.” 

Xavier smiled, and pressed a long, soft kiss to your forehead. 

He had unknowingly lightened a spark of hope in you. You just hoped that his heart would win this race against time in which your own body was trapped, or else you would be lying to him once again. Even if you had promised you would wait for him, you weren’t so sure that the sickness would. 

The doctors signed off your release forms the next day. You had just changed from the hospital gown to your casual clothes when someone knocked on your door. 

“Come in,” you called out while putting on your shoes. 

The door opened on your monochrome roommate. 

“Wednesday,” you said surprised, “what are you doing here?”

“I was visiting Eugene,” she said flatly, “I heard you had woken up.”

Despite your initial surprise you nodded, “Yeah, the doctors gave me authorization to go back to school. Not that they can do anything for me anyway, “ you muttered the last part. 

“Do they know about your condition?” she asked. 

You shook your head, “So far, you’re the only one knowing everything. Weems knows parts of it; so does Xavier.” 

“You told him?” she raised her eyebrow. 

Almost shyly you cast your eyes down, “Not everything. He doesn’t know he’s…that he has something to do with it.” 

After a pause, Wednesday spoke again, “This is a rather strategic decision. If you’re dying, there’s no reason to burden yourself with more guilt from him. You’re probably in enough pain, lucky you.”

It almost made you chuckle, “I’m surprised you actually agree with my feelings.”

“I’m not,” she denied sharply, “like I said, it’s only a strategic move.”

You only shrugged in response. 

“How’s Eugene?” you asked in a small voice. 

Wednesday’s harsh expression softened a little, “He’s okay. Still unconscious, but okay.”

This news saddened you a little. Sure, Eugene was out of danger, but he didn’t deserve to end up in a hospital bed. 

“His mothers asked me to thank you by the way,” she added, and you lifted your head in surprise. “They learned that you had gone to his rescue.”

“Yeah, except I couldn’t help him,” you mumbled bitterly. 

She shrugged, “Still, they are passing you their thanks.” 

Pulling your jacket, you swallowed your shame. Eugene didn’t owe you anything, you hadn’t been able to help him; you didn’t deserve his mums’ thanks. 

“I wished to thank you too,” added Wednesday quietly. At your once again shocked expression she continued, “You didn’t have to run to his aid, yet you didn’t hesitate to. So, thank you.”

Once the initial surprise wore off you smiled slightly, “Is that compassion I heard from you, Wednesday Addams?”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” she deadpanned. 

“I’m not talking about me though, I’m talking about Eugene. You have a soft spot for that kid.” 

She narrowed her eyes at you but said nothing. You chuckled, knowing you were right. 

“Well you’re welcome,” you said grabbing your bag – in which the pumpkin plushie Xavier gifted you laid carefully, “Always a pleasure to prove a point.”

“Which point?” she frowned. 

“That no matter how much you despise them, you do have feelings Wednesday.” 

With that, you left the room and quietly made your way to the entrance where Principal Weems waited for you to bring you back to Nevermore. Even if she looked the same as usual, elegant as ever, you didn’t miss the pitiful look in her eyes everytime she looked at you. The looming figure of upcoming death above you was something she couldn’t ignore; you guessed that it was going to be like this, now. 

“Your aunt called,” she told you as the both of you were seated in her car, driving away from the hospital. “She can’t make it to the parents’ week-end.” 

This made your heart squeeze a little, but you weren’t exactly surprised, “Oh,” you said simply, “guess I should’ve seen that coming.”

In the corner of your eye you could see the sorry look of Principal Weems. After a few moments of silence, she said, “I didn’t tell her about your condition.” 

“Thank you,” you muttered, glad the principal actually kept her word. “I’ll call her this week-end.” 

Maybe in the meantime things would change; but you doubted it. 

When you reached Nevermore the first place you went to was your room, only to be trapped in a bone-crushing hug by Enid. The werewolf didn’t sound like she was aware of the extent of the disease, because she rambled about the importance of good sleep and healthy feeding in a very cute and concerned way. Apparently, she still thought you had passed out from exhaustion, meaning she hadn’t seen your body the night of the Rave’n. Which was good; with the upcoming arrival of her parents the day after, you knew you couldn’t tell her everything now. Her relationship with her mother had its lots of complications, your health would wait. 

Then after reassuring Enid that you were now fine, you grabbed a few of your belongings and made your way to the boys’ dormitory. Xavier opened his door after the first knock. 

“Hey,” you said quietly, “can I stay here tonight?”

He smiled softly at you, before letting you in, “Of course.” 

His room hadn’t changed much since the last time you had come. It felt oddly comforting, like a safe space. Carefully taking your hands in his, Xavier slowly guided you to his bed. He laid down on his back and you snuggled on his side, head against his chest. One of his hands naturally found its way to your hair, getting lost in your locks. The soothing beating of his heart against your ear seemed enough to keep the both of you alive. 

“Does it still hurt?” he mumbled against your hairline. 

You nodded, unable to tell him how much pain you were in. “Sometimes it calms down,” you tried to reassure him. 

Still, he winced at your words. “I’m not letting you down this time,” he whispered, throat tight, “I promise.” 

Craning your head up to look at him, you smiled softly, “I know, Xav. You and me against the world, right?”

The words the both of you had kept saying through your childhood brought a small smile on his face. “Yeah,” he kissed your forehead, “you and me against the world, sweetheart.” 

That night, despite the dreadful and irksome sensation of the flowers clawing in your throat, you slept peacefully. No matter how your lungs ached, the only thing that mattered was Xavier’s arms wrapped safely around you. 

When the first day of parent’s week-end rolled by the morning after, you knew that it was going to be a long day for both Xavier and you. Even your mutual soothing presences couldn’t tune down the anxiety that grew as the morning went on. From one of the passageways above the quad, Xavier was glancing either to his phone or to the school gates every ten seconds. Waiting for his father to either make an appearance, or a call. Leaning on the balcony next to him you nudged his shoulder with your in a silent gesture of support. He flashed a small smile for reassurance, but you knew the absence of his father hurt him. 

“He’s not coming,” he said bitterly. 

“There’s still people arriving, maybe he will show up,” you tried. 

He tsked, “You know him Y/N. Mighty Vincent Thorpe doesn’t have time for his unworthy son.” 

“Hey,” you insisted, putting a hand on his, “don’t say that. You’re kind and talented, no matter what he says.”

Xavier smiled softly at your words, but his eyes were still tainted with sorrow. Cradling his cheek you brushed your thumb over his cheekbones, “You’re worthy to me, Xav. You’re already twice the man your father will ever be.” 

His smile broadened and he kissed your palm, muttering a thanks. He shouldn’t dwell on his father's antics; you were there, and that was all that mattered. 

“Your aunt’s coming?” he asked quietly, lifting his face from your hand to instead take it in his. 

“No,” you said sadly, “she’s busy too. But I’ll call her later.” 

This time, it was his turn to frown, “Does she know yet?”

You shook your head, “This isn’t going to be a pleasant conversation.” 

“Do you want me to be here when you’ll call her?” he suggested softly. 

His support offer touched you, but your heart clenched anyway, “No I…this is something I need to do on my own.”

Xavier nodded in understanding. He didn’t want to press the issue further, this was your call to make. 

Down in the quad, you noticed that Enid’s family had finally arrived. Even from up here you could practically hear Enid’s anxiety. As you looked back to Xavier to speak, you noticed the lonely figure of Bianca a few feet away from the both of you, hesitant to approach. Xavier followed your eyes and glanced behind his shoulder to the siren. 

“I’m going to give Enid some emotional support,” you said softly, squeezing his hand. “We’ll see each other when the buffet starts, okay?”

He nodded, kissing your knuckles as a goodbye. Before you walked away you nodded in Bianca’s direction, “Go talk to her.”

He frowned, slightly surprised by your words, “You’re sure?”

You nodded. Him and Bianca weren’t together anymore, but that didn’t change the fact that they were friends. And after the little heart-to-heart you had with her at the party…you knew she needed her friend. 

“She’s alone too, today,” you said, noticing the absence of her mother. 

“I don’t want to leave you,” he whispered.

You smiled at him. “You’re not, I promise. Go, I’m going to Enid and I’ll find you later.” 

Passing next to Bianca, you mirrored her unusual kind smile. It seemed that your heart-to-heart had unlocked a strange form of compassion. Maybe if you had more time, you could be friends with her, you thought as you went down to the quad. 

Crossing the crowded space to get to your blonde roommate, you didn’t expect to run into Wednesday and a handful of black-claded people accompanying her. 

“Y/N,” she greeted sharply, “if you’re trying to flee this gruesome social obligation, I must ask you to consider helping me on this matter.” 

The plump man behind her let out a rich laugh. “Ah, did our little nightmare finally make a friend, then?” 

Wednesday glared at him. But that didn’t seem to disencourage the man who nudged her, “Well, why don’t you introduce us to your friend, my little death trap?”

She rolled her eyes so you took the initiative, extending your hand, “I’m Y/N L/N, Wednesday’s roommate. Pleasure meeting you, sir.”

He shook your hand before bowing his head slightly yet in a very theatrical gesture, “I’m Gomez Addams, Wednesday’s father. Thank you for having welcomed our daughter with open arms.”

You heard Wednesday snort, but you put on a polite smile, “Wednesday’s a very considerate roommate, sir. We get along fine.” 

On the corner of your eyes you could notice the way her eyebrows slightly rose up in surprise. Surely, she didn’t expect such compliments; but you had to give it to her, she had been respectful of your boundaries the best she could, no matter how nosy she might have been. Plus, you probably owed her your life for having found you in the woods after the Rave’n. 

“Whatever,” she huffed, starting to walk away with her father following her with playful pleas. 

“It’s a true delight to see Wednesday getting along with someone,” said a feminine voice from behind you. 

You turned around to face a raven-haired woman dressed in a long dramatic dress, hands elegantly crossed in front of her. Despite her rather gloomy appearance, she had kind eyes and a soft smile. 

“Thank you for indulging my daughter's behavior, miss L/N,” she said with a smile. “Wednesday has a lot of qualities, but her social skills aren’t of those.”

That made you smile a little, extending your hand to her, “You must be Wednesday’s mother. A pleasure ma’am.” 

She came to reach your outreached hand, “My name’s Morticia. A witch, aren’t you Miss L/N? I’ve heard about your aunt’s reputation before.”

You were about to confirm her words, but as soon as her hand touched yours for a handshake, Morticia froze, eyes widening. It was only for a brief moment, a breath really, but once she seemed to regain her spirits the previously kind expression on her face turned into despair. 

“Oh poor child,” she whispered, mouth agape. “What a dreadful path you’re on.”

Morticia’s reaction troubled you; what had happened? “Excuse me?”

Her eyes bore into yours, and what you saw surprised you even more: they were glossy with tears. 

“I saw what’s plaguing you. You’re cursed with Hanahaki disease, aren’t you?”

Her words stunned you right on the spot. How was this possible? How could she possibly know? 

As panic started to overflow your mind, the familiar tickling urge and taste of blood rushed in your throat.  

“How?...” you whispered, chest tight and burning under the flower’s pressure. 

Her tearful eyes turned into a sympathetic expression, “I am gifted with visions, and I saw what looms over you.”

No matter how hard you tried to restrain them, tears were already gathering in your eyes and you nodded painfully. “You know about the disease? But how? It has been so difficult to learn anything about it.”

She smiled sadly at you, “I know many things about love, dear child. Especially cursed ones.” 

As on cue, you coughed a handful of bloodied petals in your hand. Morticia Addams winced at the pitiful sight. Immediately, your eyes flickered to the higher passageway as you felt Xavier’s eyes on you. He must have heard you cough somehow, because even from where you stood, you could see his panicked eyes. He looked ready to jump over the balcony in the blink of an eye, worry consuming him. But you slightly shook your head, mouthing that you were fine. That didn’t erase his discomfort, but at least he started to make his way hurriedly to the stairs instead of rushing down in the dumbest way possible. Morticia didn’t miss any of this. 

“Is that him?” asked Wednesday’s mother softly. 

You nodded slowly. This was strange, you knew this woman for less than five minutes but her motherly aura somehow made you at ease. 

“Does he know?” she pressed carefully, and the negative shake of your head made her heart fill with sadness for you. 

“He can never know,” you whispered, casting your eyes down to hide your tears. “It would break him to know it’s somehow his fault.” 

She lifted your chin gently, with one finger. The sorrowful, yet kind look she was giving you made your heart swell. 

“But he cares about you. I can see that.”

You could only shrug in defeat, “What if it can’t save me?”

She smiled softly at you, “I didn’t see your end, dear child. Only great pain, the one going through. But if that boy is close to you, maybe that’s why my vision didn’t show me your demise.”

That made your eyes widen. Could there still be a chance, like you had hoped? 

“Does that mean…do you think there’s still a chance for me to heal, then?” you whispered in disbelief. 

Letting go of your chin, she nodded, “My visions are often incomplete, but rarely wrong. And my sight does not fool me, young Y/N. I saw the look you both shared.”. Replacing a strand of hair behind your ear in a mothering care, she smiled, “There is hope, as long as there is love.” 

Noticing the upcoming figure of a very concerned Xavier behind you, Morticia smiled one last time. 

“It’s been a pleasure meeting you, Y/N. I sincerely hope we’ll run into each other again.”

Through your blurry eyes, you offered her a weak but sincere smile. “Me too, Mrs.Addams. And…thank you.”

With one last enigmatic smile, she walked away gracefully to rejoin her family, just as Xavier reached you. 

“Hey,” he whispered, “you’re alright?”

Whipping the gathering tears with the back of your hand, you nodded, “Yeah…I made a surprising encounter that’s all.”

He looked over at the dark yet classy figure of Morticia Addams on the other side of the quad and frowned. “Isn’t that Wednesday’s mum?”

Looking at this reassuring mother figure, you smiled softly, “Yeah, she is. She’s great.”

About half an hour later it turned out that no matter how kind your roommate’s mom was, karma had a strange sense of humor. That’s what you thought when the police arrested Gomez Addams for a murder aged 20 years. This definitely put a stain on the joyful ambience of parents’ weekend, but the festivities resumed soon after. As the night started to roll by, you knew that you ultimately had to call your aunt. 

“You’re sure you don’t want me to be here for support?” asked Xavier, hand in yours before your room’s door. 

“I’ll be fine,” you reassured him, still thankful he offered. “Aunt Cordelia and I will have a lot of things to talk about, it won’t be a fun conversation.” 

At his still worried look, you suddenly felt bolder and kissed his cheek, nearly on the corner of his mouth. This wasn’t unusual for the both of you, but it was the first time since you had actually kissed. His eyes widened slightly, but it was soon replaced by a soft smile. 

“I’ll text you when it’s over, okay?” you promised him. 

“Okay,” he finally admitted, “if anything’s wrong, just text me I’ll be there in a minute.” 

His devotion made you smile. Xavier had always been protective of you when you were kids, but since you had confessed your love to him, this was a whole new level, even if he didn’t return your romantic feelings yet. 

Reluctantly letting go of his hand, you pushed open your door, catching one last glance before closing it behind you. The silence and emptiness of the room made you let out a long sigh. Enid was sleeping outside with her family, and Wednesday must have been visiting her father in detention. This was the perfect moment to make that phone call. 

Grabbing your phone and composing your aunt’s number before courage wore off of you, you stepped on the balcony behind the large web-shaped window. The cool air of the night felt nice against the skin of your sore throat; you had thrown up again quite a lot today, much to Xavier’s worry. 

Your aunt picked up at the last ringtone, “Good to know you’re still alive, Y/N,” she said as a greeting. 

Her choice of words almost made you choke on your own breath. She had no idea. “Yeah…hi aunt Cordelia…”

On the other side of the phone, you could picture her frowning, “Oooh, what’s with that sad voice, pumpkin? Is something wrong?”

You tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t come out; instead a wave of emotion rushed in your throat, tightening it so hard it made tears come out of your eyes. 

“Y/N? Are you alright?” called out your aunt. 

And then you broke down in tears, “I’m dying,” you cried out. Here, you said it. Blurted it because every emotion you had repressed recently for the sake of Xavier or anyone else had overwhelmed you, crashing into you like a high wave. And now the tears wouldn't stop. 

“Wait, wait, slow down Y/N, slow down,” said the worried voice on the phone, “Take a deep breath, okay?”

“I can’t,” you whimpered in between tears, “it hurts too much. I- I have flowers growing in my lungs and I c-can’t breathe,” you hiccuped. A long, dreadful silence echoed your sobs; so long you thought your aunt had dropped her phone. “Aunt Cordelia?...”

Her rasping voice answered you at last, “You have Hanahaki disease?”

“Yes,” you hiccuped in surprise, “how do you…”

“I just know. It’s Xavier isn’t it?” she cut you off, voice trembling because of the shock. 

Trembling, you nodded. She couldn’t see that, but you knew she understood. 

“I’m taking the first flight to Nevermore tomorrow morning,” she said curtly, “I’m picking you up.”

“What?” you blurted; the tears had gradually stopped flowing, “why?”

“So we can get you fixed, Y/N,” she said in a harsh tone. But you knew her; the truth was that behind that tone, she was terrified. Still, it didn’t stop you from starting to cry again. 

“Please don’t,” you begged, “please. I don’t want to leave Nevermore, not now!”

Your aunt let out a frustrated sigh, “There’s nothing for you here anymore! You need to come back home, so we can start to cure this.” 

Her words caught your breath. 

“There’s a cure?” you whispered in disbelief. “But I thought…I’ve read nothing about it.” 

Suddenly, the tone in your aunt’s voice changed to something softer. And tainted with regrets. “It’s not a pretty thing to do, pumpkin,” she admitted. “It requires making difficult decisions.” 

“But…but the disease will disappear if Xavier actually loves me back, isn’t it?” you stuttered frantically. “He’s trying, I promise we have a chance.” 

“Oh Y/N…” sighed your aunt, “This isn’t how it works love…”

“We have a chance!” you repeated, starting to cry again, “Please aunt Cordelia, we only need a little more time, don’t make me leave…please…”

“You’re dying, Y/N,” she snapped, “time is a luxury you don’t have!” 

The way she had snapped at you startled you; even if she hadn’t always been the most present parent, aunt Cordelia had never screamed or scolded you. 

After a brief moment of silence, where she realized her mistake, Cordelia sighed again. 

“Listen pumpkin…I’ve already lost your mother, I can’t lose you too…”

Tears continued to roll down your cheeks. You didn’t dare to speak, afraid that your voice would break under the weight of emotions.

“I want to believe in Xavier and you, I really do okay? He’s a good man, and I’m sure he might love you someday.”

“But?” you asked with a trembling voice. 

“But…Hanahaki disease never ends well darling,” she said in a sorry tone. “Trust me, I’ve seen people trying to fight it, but no matter how hard they tried they never survived.” 

All the hopes that the encounter with Morticia Addams had awakened in your heart suddenly crumbled to ashes. 

“So…I’m doomed?” you cried. 

The silence that answered you was worth a thousand words. Your back hit the stone wall and you let your whole body slump against it; your legs couldn’t hold you up any longer. 

“I’m sorry pumpkin,” muttered your aunt. 

Biting your lips not to scream, you managed to let out the words you never thought you’d say, “What is this cure…the one you were talking about?”

Surprisingly, she sounded hesitant now. “It’s a surgical operation,” she explained slowly, “it gets the flowers and roots completely removed. But it comes with a price.”

“Which price?” you whispered between trembling lips. 

“You…” she hesitated, “you would forget all memories of Xavier. And it’s highly likely you’ll never get to love again.” 

Choking on air, you let out a small strangled cry. 

“I can’t,” you croaked, “you can’t ask me to do this.” 

“Y/N darling, I understand,” she begged, “but you must if you want to live.” 

You squeezed your eyes tight, like you could suddenly wake up from this nightmare, leaving it all behind with the retiring night. 

“I understand he’s important to you,” she conceded gently, “are you really willing to die for him though?” 

Your answer was instantaneous, “I have faith in him. I can- we can do this, I know it.”

She remained silent. Maybe you were already too deep into denial for her to change your mind. So she sighed in defeat. 

“You’re as stubborn as your mother,” she said quietly, “if I let you stay at Nevermore, would you promise me that if he can’t save you on time you would consider getting the flowers removed?”

The hesitation was what betrayed you, “I…I can’t promise you that.”. But she already knew the answer. 

“I know. But I also know that you won’t completely push away the possibility. I love you, pumpkin.” 

Before you could add anything, she hung up. Shoulders slumping you buried your face in your hands, letting tears down. 

How did the hope that had been building up over the last two days become so fragile? You wanted to believe in Xavier, with all of your heart you truly did. It just was beginning to be incredibly harder that you had thought. 

[Part.7] 

A/N: yes hello, in this house we worship Morticia Addams like the queen she is in every single one of her adaptations, thank you So yeah, not much action in that chapter ksjfbkbgk but I loved writing soft Xavier with reader QwQ

Also, a lot of you asked how many chapters this fic would be! I don’t know for sure, but given how I write, I think it’ll be around 10 chapters! 

Thanks everyone for your incredible support, I hope you enjoyed this part ♥ Hope you’re all doing okay, take care of you ♥

Taglist:  (no need to ask at every chapter, you're added once, and you're added for the whole fic :D)

@apocalypticnova​ @libdarkheart​ @ameliabs-world​ @certifeidlovergirl​ @aeisnoa​ @cat-loves-music​ @coolchick333​ @eringaitskill​ @sweaterxav​ @sssleepless​

 @l4venderia​ @persipeoni​ @coldheartedmar​  @littlebabyk​ @pinksirensong​ @nushy​ @raribella​ @igotanidea​ @ali-r3n​ @chaosfrisur​

@miinnttyy​ @hershey2813​ ​@cafeaueva @queenofshinigamis​ @xxhospital-for-soulsxx​ @imtherealslimmoony​ @one-oblivious-nerd​ @amphitritesangels​ @valckenaux​ @aliciahlewis​

@lilsunshine1092​ @ell0ra-br3kk3r​  @ahmya-4​ @katkoosik​ @maggie-da-rat​ @hopelessnessforthehopeful​ @mk-the-great​ @neenieweenie​ @steviesbergthuis​ @rayliz793​ 

@poison-ivy-737​ @katiemrty​ @vanillaarr​ @corpsebridenightamare​ @ghswlz​ @siriusblacksl0ver​ @poppyalice2001​ @mypsychoticlove​ @jointherebellion215​ @siriwhitewolf​ 

@teaganthemorningstar​ @oblivion-void​ @fandomstoryreader25​ @darkdaydreamer​ @engenelxver @maddiechapman15​ @hannahnikohl​ @pajerita19​ @i-like-trains​ @tinafuentes​ 

@slngarza​ @lqveharrington​ @honethatty12​ @users09​ @honestlyka​ @athenalive​ @sunnytkm23​ @mjpark15​ @joselyn001​ @mermaid-painter​ 

@sagegreeeeen​ @hayleesworld96​ @sunnyteume​ @itssomeonereading @vaebeau​ @spencershotwife​ @negasonicteenagefathead​ @iamlycan​ @meilvr​ @alessioayla​

@sucker4angstt​ 

Usernames unfound by Tumblr:  

@flowersownme @eileen201804 @peacheskiwi @spiceyhotsherbet @ramiiroll @theweirdone2468 @tempressofthetarot @bambi-munson @apollo 3475  @hes-club

 Plz tell me if I’ve forgotten you in the taglist (or if you wanna join!)

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved on our archive

By Julia Doubleday

Last week, Jason Gale of Bloomberg put out an excellent piece about post-COVID brain damage, titled “What We Know About Covid’s Impact on Your Brain.”

The piece is broad and draws on dozens of studies to paint a concerning picture of Your Brain on COVID. It’s not the first piece to do so in the mainstream press, but it’s one of a small handful over nearly half a decade. Gale’s piece gathers evidence pointing to increased risks of dementia, Parkinson’s disease, cognitive impairment, worsening of previous psychiatric conditions, and significant drops in IQ.

The piece goes on to mention viral persistence, immune system disruption and blood clots as linked to the cognitive impacts of COVID- all three are key targets of ongoing research into Long COVID. It’s a wonderful summary to help people get a picture of the enormous amount of research pointing to brain damage following COVID.

It also begs the question: why is the public learning potentially life-altering information about a virus they’ve almost certainly contracted multiple times now from the economics section of Bloomberg? (Or from The Gauntlet, for that matter?)

As politicians pushed us all “back to normal”, a common refrain from the top was that we “had the tools” to deal with COVID, and that individuals could now make their own decisions about what sorts of risks they were comfortable taking.

I’ve written at length about the absurdity of attempting to individualize what is a collective problem. What was once a libertarian, far-right wing idea - disease control should be the territory of individuals, not society at large- was first promoted by Republicans, then mainstreamed by liberals in order to paint Biden’s failed vaccine-only herd-immunity strategy as a success.

As we settled into a cycle of endless waves of disease driven by rapidly evolving new variants, our government and public health bodies continued to promote the fantasy that everyone can make their own decisions about whether or not to get infected.

Of course, anyone who does make the “risk assessment” that catching COVID is unsafe for them is functionally shut out of society. It’s hardly a choice freely made, as the social and economic punishments for failing to “return to normal” continue to intensify.

But it wasn’t enough to snatch away free tests, vaccines and COVID treatments, all but eliminate the isolation period for active infections, and push people to view disease control as a personal responsibility. Along with instructing people to make their own “risk assessments” about COVID, our government also downplays, minimizes, and flat out denies the risks of recurrent infections.

For example: COVID causes cognitive damage. That seems like an important piece of information to give the American public while you encourage them to make risk assessments about whether to contract it every year, does it not?

What about parents deciding to send their kids back to schools with zero precautions?

Should they be warned that COVID carries a significant risk of brain damage following infection, before deciding whether it’s a good idea to let their children catch it twice a year?

And if that information is quite deliberately kept from the public by the same bodies failing to provide collective mitigations, are you asking people to make “risk assessments”, or are you just pushing them to catch COVID?

Let’s review what the public has been told about cognitive damage after COVID by the CDC, the President, the administration, and prominent media figures.

The CDC’s twitter account has never tweeted the words “cognitive damage” or “brain damage” in reference to COVID. On March 23, 2023, the CDC twitter account posted its only reference to “brain fog”:

"Common symptoms of Long COVID include fatigue, shortness of breath, fast heartbeat, & brain fog. If several weeks have passed since you had #COVID19 & you still have symptoms that interfere with your daily activities, talk to your doctor."

The current CDC Director, Mandy Cohen, has never tweeted the words “cognitive damage,” “brain damage” or “brain fog.” Neither has former CDC Director Rachelle Walensky.

In interviews, Mandy, like the rest of the administration, likes to keep it vague. Brain damage is certainly not on the talking points menu; no specific outcomes are. We are “living with COVID”. We “have the tools”. She encourages vaccinations and not masks, the tool that can actually prevent infection. In a 2023 media tour about “rebuilding trust” with the public, she repeatedly refers to the pandemic in the past tense although the pandemic is ongoing according to the WHO.

Here’s an interesting one: former White House COVID-19 Response Coordinator Ashish Jha has tweeted about COVID brain damage once: on June 17, 2021, ten months before he joined the administration. He’s since become a prominent minimizer who calls masking “fringe” and downplays post-COVID immune system dysregulation, but here’s what he had to say in June 2021:

"Important study out of UK

Worth your time

Researchers examined brain MRIs of people before and after they got COVID, matched with controls

What did they find?

Substantial loss of grey matter in those who had gotten but recovered from COVID

www.medrxiv.org/content/10.1101/2021.06.11.21258690v1 "

Wow! Seems like the kind of thing the White House COVID-19 Response Coordinator would want to share with people, rather than never mention again.

And of course, the most subtle propaganda the Administration, fellow politicians, and CDC leaders employ is their refusal to mask or appear to mitigate COVID in any way. If each COVID infection carries a risk of brain damage, surely the Director of the CDC wouldn’t constantly show up in public spaces - including airport terminals- maskless?

The President famously wouldn’t even mask after testing positive for COVID, shortly before dropping out of his re-election campaign. He, certainly, has never talked about COVID’s effects on the brain (if indeed, he’s aware of them), instead using airtime to brag about defeating disease mitigation tools. “The pandemic is over,” he incorrectly stated in the fall of 2022, “if you notice, no one is wearing masks,” he went on to say, correctly identifying his success at stigmatizing COVID prevention.

Perhaps no single outlet is more responsible for the dishonest normalizing of continual COVID reinfections than the New York Times newsletter The Morning in the hands of David Leonhardt. During the mass death event of Omicron Wave 1, Dave was the main party responsible for the “omicron is mild” narrative (a lie) that spread round the world. This February, he “both sides’d” vaccinating children because, quote, “children are extremely unlikely to become seriously ill from Covid”. As recently reported by CBS News, up to 5.8 million kids have Long COVID.

Of course, it’s fantastic that CBS News is reporting on the damage that has been done to children by returning them to classrooms without upgraded ventilation or other mitigations. It would have been better if major media outlets had conveyed this risk before millions of children were disabled.

It’s also great that Bloomberg is reporting about the brain damage that can follow COVID, deep diving the research and putting forward three of the most compelling explanations for Long COVID. But how many people, nearly five years into the crisis, know anything about this topic? How many people who are three, four, five infections in, consented to these risks when they took their masks off?

Who is responsible for this ignorance? Is it not the public health bodies and politicians charged with responding to the virus?

In interviews and speeches, it’s not only cognitive damage that our elected leaders and public health officials fail to mention. President Biden has said the words “Long COVID” a handful of times publicly. Vice President Harris has never said them. Is this not bizarre to anyone who expects the Democratic party to convey scientific facts about the pandemic to the public? Is it not clearly an attempt to hide those harmed by the ongoing “let it rip” strategy from view?

When tens of millions of Americans are disabled by a virus on your watch, never uttering the name of the disease they have is deliberate, and leaves sufferers of Long COVID struggling with stigmatization in their personal lives. By enforcing silence around Long COVID at the top of the Biden Administration, in the CDC, and among media talking heads, the public is encouraged to doubt and dismiss the condition entirely.

If this administration is so certain the public would freely choose to ignore the millions suffering from Long COVID, the risks of infection including brain damage, the high rates of transmission in our communities, and continue to opt out of mitigations and mask wearing, why do they work so hard to hide all of the above?

Why do they, along with most other electeds on the Hill, pretend they have never heard the words Long COVID, refuse to acknowledge the ongoing toll of mass infection, and continue to push testing and data out of reach? Is this the behavior of leaders who are confident that the public has freely chosen to cruelly and deliberately abandon millions of people to long-term chronic illness, and to repeatedly risk joining them?

Or is it the behavior of leaders who know they are on borrowed time, sweeping the ever-growing body of evidence and ever-higher pile of victims under the rug while stubbornly repeating that “nobody is wearing masks”?

Scientists, advocates and reporters face an uphill battle getting information about the risks of repeated COVID infections to the public. It is uphill not because of the lack of studies, resources, victims, or voices, but because those who could do the most good continue to use their platforms to do the most harm. As long as the public receives the message from our leaders that recurrent COVID infections aren’t dangerous, the truth has a high wall of propaganda to hurdle.

Nevertheless, the truth continues to emerge via studies, articles, the people who’ve been harmed, and those who care. It’s unfortunate that our public health officials and politicians will be remembered for hiding the facts about COVID, rather than disseminating them.

[kifaya]

Hello, My name is Mohammed, and I'm from Gaza. I am not a robot or a scammer. The war in Gaza has left me with devastating memories and unbearable pain. I lost my parents and siblings in horrifying moments, and my life is now filled with tears and agony. I sustained severe injuries to my leg, and every passing day I feel the threat of losing it due to the lack of necessary treatment. 😭 My beloved wife is suffering from uterine cancer and has not been able to receive chemotherapy sessions since the beginning of the events in Gaza. My innocent children live in constant fear and anxiety, and I cannot bear to see their tear-filled eyes. I humbly and hopefully request your donation of $5 or more to treat my leg, save my wife's life, and secure the future of my children. Every passing minute increases our suffering and pushes us closer to the edge. My story is documented under the number 192, and my information is verified. You can verify this by requesting any information you need. Please donate and share my story with others. My wife, children, and I are waiting for your prayers and support with broken hearts and hanging hopes. Thank you very much.

Hi Mohammed! Of course I'll share

Mohammed is from Gaza, he's 32YO, he's married and he's the father of ��three children: Abdulrahman, 6 years old, Sarah, 4 years old, and Lina, 3 years old.

Mohammed lost his mother, father, and four sisters who were killed in a bombing, and is now living in tents with his remaining family members, his wife and three young children. he was seriously injured in his foot and it may need to be amputated, but he doesn't care if he loses his foot he just doesn't want to lose his family.

His wife has uterine cancer but hasn't been able to get treatment recently because the genocidal israeli army has destroyed health centers. His children are suffering from infectious diseases spreading throughout gaza, and the little medical treatment available is very expensive.

Mohammed suffers from chronic asthma and severe attacks from tightness and an extreme allergy, and needs meds that are not available, or very expensive. His family lost their home, but they're still there and he's trying to protect them with all he has.

"My main goal with this donation is to protect my children, my wife, and our scaredy cat and evacuate them to a safe place away from the ongoing wars. The funds will be used to cross the Egyptian border and bring basic needs and treatments to create a more stable conditions for my family. Approximately $18,000 will be allocated for travel expenses, and around $6,000 for securing suitable housing for a couple of months. As for the medical treatment costs, the exact figure will be determined after undergoing examinations in hospitals in the Arab Republic of Egypt & it's gonna be in average $8,000. The remaining amount will be used to establish a small project to sustain our daily living, enabling me to provide for my children and wife.

My son, Abdul Rahman, has a deep passion for playing football and is a devoted fan of Real Madrid. He always dreamed of playing football at his school, but the war prevented this dream from coming true.

Where are you, Real Madrid fans?

Help Abdul Rahman achieve his dream."

THIS CAMPAIGN IS VETTED

[aloeverified]

What To Know Before Writing an Albino Character

1) General Information:

Albinism is a genetic disorder that results in decreased production of a pigment called melanin in the skin, hair, and eyes, resulting in light color or no color. Albinism is not a disease, nor do people "suffer" from it — though every albino person has their own thoughts and feelings regarding their condition. There's no cure for albinism. People with albinism are more likely to be diagnosed with skin cancer, as well as dealing with things like sun burns, but besides sight problems and eye sensitivity, most people with albinism are just as healthy as everyone else.

People with albinism are typically diagnosed at birth, as doctors can tell by their appearance. If albinism is suspected, a doctor can order a genetic test to get the most accurate results regarding type and gene mutation. Due to eye complications that come with albinism, some doctors will asks for babies to be seen by optometrists. During those eye examinations, doctors can find out if the patient has rapid eye movement, sensitivity to bright light, or misalignment of the eyes. Most people with albinism have photophobia (extreme sensitivity to bright lights), refractive errors (such as astigmatism, myopia, hyperopia), nystagmus (involuntary movement of the eyes, which can lead to abnormal head positioning), or strabismus (misalignment of the eyes).

Due to low or reduced melanin, people with albinism are extremely vulnerable to UV sun damage. To avoid damage from the sun, people with albinism are advised to wear protective clothing, hats, and sunscreen.

Along with that, people with albinism wear glasses that block out UV rays. They also use softer lights in their homes and on their electronic devices. Some albinos experience pain or headaches after being exposed to intense bright colors or eyestrain, which causes them to lean more towards pastels when regarding things they'll have to look at a lot.

People do not always like being referred to as albino, sometimes preferring the term "person/people with albinism." Many don't care, but it's overall regarded as disrespectful and sometimes derogatory to call someone "an albino/albinos" rather than an albino person or the previous listed term.

2) Types of Albinism:

There are two main types of albinism: oculocutaneous albinism (OCA) – the most common type, affecting the skin, hair and eyes, and ocular albinism (OA) – a rarer type that mainly affects the eyes. OCA is the type of albinism that most people are familiar with and that is represented more in the media. People with OA typically look the same as non-albino people, with the exception of their eyes. However, some do have slightly ligher hair and skin colors from their family members, but not by a very big extent. Their visual acuity is typically lower than normal, ranging from 20/60 to 20/400.

OA1 is caused by a change in the GPR143 gene that plays a signaling role that is especially important to pigmentation in the eye. OA1 follows a simpler pattern of inheritance because the gene for OA1 is on the X chromosome. Females have two copies of the X chromosome while males have only one copy (and a Y chromosome that makes them male). To have ocular albinism, a male only needs to inherit one changed copy of the gene for ocular albinism from his carrier mother. Therefore almost all of the people with OA1 are males. While possible if the mother is a carrier of ocular albinism and the father has ocular albinism, it is extremely rare.

As for OCA, there are currently seven forms of oculocutaneous albinism recognized – OCA1, OCA2, OCA3, OCA4, OCA5, OCA6 and OCA7. Some are further divided into subtypes. For OCA, both parents must carry the albinism gene for their child to inherit the condition.

OCA1, or tyrosinase-related albinism, results from a genetic defect in an enzyme called tyrosinase. This enzyme helps the body to change the amino acid, tyrosine, into pigment. (An amino acid is a “building block” of protein.) There are two subtypes of OCA1. In OCA1A, the enzyme is inactive and no melanin is produced, leading to white hair and very light skin. In OCA1B, the enzyme is minimally active and a small amount of melanin is produced, leading to hair that may darken to blond, yellow/orange or even light brown, as well as slightly more pigment in the skin.

OCA2, or P gene albinism, results from a genetic defect in the P protein that helps the tyrosinase enzyme to function. People with OCA2 make a minimal amount of melanin pigment and can have hair color ranging from very light blond to brown.

OCA3 is rarely described and results from a genetic defect in TYRP1, a protein related to tyrosinase. People with OCA3 can have substantial pigment.

OCA4 results from a genetic defect in the SLC45A2 protein that helps the tyrosinase enzyme to function. People with OCA4 make a minimal amount of melanin pigment similar to people with OCA2.

OCA5–7 were recognized in humans in 2012 and 2013. They have reported mutations on three additional causative genes. As gene testing becomes available, and more people with these types of albinism are identified, the complete range of physical manifestations will be recognized, and may overlap with other known types of OCA. Currently, these types of albinism are considered to be uncommon.

Albinism occurs in all race and ethnic groups across the world, but there are some types that are more common amongst certain groups. The most common types of albinism found in the black population of Southern Africa are OCA2 and OCA3. OCA3 is also the most common type found amongst Asian populations. It's important to do research on people with albinism who are the same ethnic/racial group as your character(s) to make sure you are representing them correctly as albinism looks different for each group of people.

As a side note, it's important to know that people with albinism do not always have red eyes. Even those who appear to have red eyes don't actually have that eye color, but it's rather a result of the lack of pigment, which makes the iris paler and thus, the retina more visible. People with albinism can have pretty much any eye color as long as it's a light shade; I've personally met other albino people who've had blue, red, pink, green, purple, and even yellow. In pictures, however, they eyes typically always appear some shade of red.

3) Recognize How People With Albinism Are Treated:

In places like China, having albinism is considered bad luck and many who have it are ostracized and excluded from mainstream society. They're also considered unattractive and inferior to many. Besides their physical disabilities, many Chinese people with albinism say that finding a partner is their biggest struggle.

Africa is one of the most dangerous places for albino people. In West Africa, some communities and families consider it a misfortune to give birth to Albinos and hence, attempts are made to either kill them at birth or banish them from the community. They are constantly abused and ridiculed by the public with derogatory names and social tags that serve as a form of stigmatization.

In many countries of sub-Saharan Africa, people with albinism suffer discrimination and ostracism and are seen as a curse. Many superstitions look at people with albinism as a source of income, so they are mutilated and the parts of their bodies are used in rituals of black magic, under the belief that they give wealth and fortune to those who own them. Some cultures believe that they do not die, but disappear, or that having sex with a person with albinism cures AIDS — which causes a high rate of sexual assault amongst those with albinism.

Not all places view albinism as bad though. In Panama, many people view those with albinism as lucky. In America, many people don't may much mind to those with albinism besides staring and making comments.

Overall, it's worthy to note how people with albinism are treated in the country your character(s) live in. Albinism dictates a lot in people's lives, but for some it can be the cause of their death or severe injury and trauma. People with albinism don't want extensive descriptions of their own trauma, but it's important to not gloss over how they're treated. If your character is from a fantasy setting then you can attempt to reflect how they're treated by looking at countries in the real world most similar to your fictional one.

4) Things To Avoid:

In Hollywood, people with albinism are often depicted as evil. It's become very rare that someone with this condition is viewed positively, they're always either a villain or a comedic relief character whose condition is used to mock them. Avoid both of these as much as you can. If you'd like to make your character with albinism a villain, make them compelling and give them a justifiably reason for their path: don't just make them someone whose naturally evil. If they're comedic relief, don't make them being albino apart of their jokes — give them a personality and make them likable.

Don't make them albino just because you think it's cool. Almost every person with albinism identifies as disabled and it's important to showcase their struggles, specifically with their sight and how they interact with situations that involve bright lights and such. Make sure you're not making them into a pity show, though, as disabled characters shouldn't solely revolve around their disabity. A good example of a character whose disability is a main part of her character but not the only part of it is Toph Beifong from Avatar: The Last Airbender, who is blind like many albino people. That's not to say that people with disabilities are or should be defined by their struggles, but that those struggles are real and often difficult to navigate. They are part of us and help to make us who we are. It might just be my opinion, but if you can ignore all their hardships then that's not an authentic portrayal of anything, really.

People with albinism are also very likely to be bullied for their appearance and viewed as unattractive, so it can be very positive representation to show your albino character as attractive. They don't have to be the most beautiful person in the cast, nor should you fetishize them for being disabled, but it can be nice to show other characters having feelings for them or giving them a romantic partner.

And most importantly, don't make them albino for no reason. Why does your character have albinism? What character or narrative purpose does it serve? How would the story be different if they didn't have albinism? Ask yourself these questions, and if you can't come up with good answers then maybe your character shouldn't have albinism. Think about how being albino affects them, the people around them, their story, and the overall plot. Are you making them albino for the sake of seeming diverse and woke or because you want to represent this group of people?

If your story is leaning into fantasy then you can come up with very easy explanations for why your character is albino. Maybe their people live underground and evolving to have albinism was what as best for their survival. Maybe your character is a clone, in which case they don't need their parents to have the albinism gene.

5) Closing Notes

This is just a general overview for people to get started on writing their albino characters. It's important to talk with actual albino people as you continue writing. Please do your own research on people with albinism to get more detailed insight on the condition.

If you're making a professional piece of work then you consider hiring an albino sensitivity reader to help ensure your depictions are appropriate. If there's anything you're unsure of in the meantime, researching or asking an albino person is best.

[ilynpilled]

A Feast for Crows - Cersei II

A Storm of Swords - Jaime VII

A Storm of Swords - Tyrion I

“Conditional positive regard is where positive regard, praise, and approval, depend upon the child, for example, behaving in ways that the parents think correct. Hence the child is not loved for the person he or she is, but on condition that he or she behaves only in ways approved by the parent(s).” - Carl Rogers’ Humanistic Theory of Personality Development

The concept of love inside of the minds of the Lannister siblings becomes skewed as a result of Tywin’s conditioning. This dictates their behavior as individuals, and informs how they function in their interpersonal relationships outside of Tywin.

To Cersei, love is a disease and weakness, something she dreads herself craving. The passionate daughter that is viewed as inherently weak as a result of her gender.

To Jaime, love is frail and conditional, something that he has to constantly sustain. The “perfect son” that has the weight of having to embody an impossible ideal on his shoulders.

To Tyrion, love is unachievable, a right that he is not granted. The unlovable son that is viewed as broken from birth.

[transmutationisms]

do you think vaccines should be mandatory? my view has always been that public health would outweigh personal choice in this instance but i also see the bodily autonomy argument, though ultimately i think it’s flawed and weird to compare, say, abortions with vaccines. i was wondering if you had an opinion or any resources on this topic?

this is one of those questions where i think the framing conceals a lot of unspoken premises and social/political assumptions. what do we even mean by a vaccine mandate in the first place? the truth is that in many contexts, vaccines are already mandatory—the trick is that these mandates are generally designed and first enforced by employers, schools, and private business establishments, rather than coming through direct state intervention. incidentally, most censorship works similarly, despite it also being positioned discursively as a matter of direct state intervention. the truth is that you are far more likely to run into problems if you, say, have an employer who requires vaccination—which makes your paycheck (that is, your ability to continue living) dependent on a medical intervention—than you are to face some kind of right-winger fear fantasy of a shadowy government agent showing up to your doorstep with a syringe. these things happen by economic coercion far more than through direct state command.

with that in mind, to me the issue that 'vaccine mandates' point to isn't so much an idealist conflict between 'safety' and 'liberty' or however nyt is framing it these days—rather, it's the fact that employers have the structural position to impose their will on employees, who often must comply or face, literally, starvation. i am willing to say this is a bad social structure despite the fact that in the case of vaccines i obviously agree that the particular intervention in question is a good thing, and is something that anyone who is medically eligible should be getting. in order to make vaccines mandatory, you need an enforcement mechanism—the one we currently primarily rely on is economic coercion in the form of threatening loss of livelihood (again, this also applies to most censorship cases). while i, again, strenuously think that people who can get vaccinated should do so, in order to make such a thing compulsory you have to confront the issue of what power structures make the compulsion possible and actionable. prisons? relying on the political whims and economic threats of employers? too often, a 'mandatory vaccine' is presented as though it could be ethically debated in the abstract, without reference to these conditions!

anyway, i'm not going to pretend that i can solve vaccine hesitancy in the next 90 seconds in a tumblr post, but off the top of my head here are some factors i think are major contributors to this issue:

ableism (eg, andrew wakefield preying on the fact that many parents would rather risk their children catching preventable dangerous diseases than let them be supposedly exposed to a greater chance of becoming autistic)

public distrust of physicians and public health infrastructure, for reasons ranging from medical racism and eugenics to discomfiting and traumatic experiences with the inherently (in this system) power-imbalanced relationship between medical professionals and patients

the massive gap between expert and lay knowledge on medical topics, enforced by mechanisms like paywalls and benefitting the prestige and pecuniary enrichment of physicians and public health experts (this provides fertile ground for grifters and liars to prey on people's confusion and difficulty verifying information)

possibilities for lies about vaccines to lead to financial enrichment, as in the case of social media grifts, heterodox and alternative medical practitioners, or eg andrew wakefield trying to sell his own vaccine after publishing his now-retracted paper on the supposed link between autism and the mmr vaccine

these are all bad things; they are also all actionable things. i do not think that it's some kind of transhistorical condition of humanity that we must choose between either passing each other dangerous diseases or designing coercive or punitive measures to force compliance with public health recommendations. i think all of these things are in fact very directly resultant of capitalism, the way it values bodies and health (biopolitics), and its politics of knowledge and expertise.

[asharkapologist]

CRIMINAL CASE OCS, PT 1

This has been a WIP for quite some time, but I have finally finished the OC sheet for my Mysteries of the Past player character, Ethel Evanoff! (Note: she's not the same player character as the rest of the games). Tagging @chelleinyy as asked! Information about Ethel is found under the cut. Spoilers for Mysteries of the Past, and TW for mentions of mild sexism, physical and mental illnesses, and war.

Born in the United States, parents were immigrants from the Russian Empire

Always wanted to be a police officer/detective, but no one in her local departments wanted to hire a woman. However, she’d heard of Concordia’s progressiveness and willingness to give women opportunities other cities were not, and so she moved to Concordia and worked with the Concordian Police Department.

Over the years, grew irritated with corruption and laziness in the police department, and therefore showed great interest in the Flying Squad when it was formed, and was hired by Arthur at age 28 in December of 1897.

Always tried to be a mediator between suspects and the police, not very prone to anger--the “good cop,” if you will. However, this kindness while still being professional led to her growing quite fond of many suspects and liking them as people. This led to her being more affected than other detectives/officers when they died.

The events of Sinner’s End, Coyote Gorge, and Crimson Banks very negatively affected her. Seeing the Flying Squad’s complete inability to catch the Scarlet Slayer in Sinner’s End until she’d already killed countless young women, being unable to protect Vinnie after promising him protection, and being unable to prevent innocent civilians, including children, from being often fatally dragged into the gang war caused immense guilt, and her mental health began to suffer.

After Capital Peak, she was depressed and traumatized, having lost a friend she cared greatly about and not being able to save enough people who counted on her during her career. Her depression worsened when her parents both died in the early 1900s.

After her parents died and not feeling capable of working in a job where she was never able to prevent death, she retired from the Flying Squad, although she remained friends with her former colleagues.

Instead, she began to train to be a nurse, hoping that while obviously she couldn't save everyone, she would atone for all of the lives she couldn't save during her career by being able to actively work to help and save lives, hoping saving lives would assuage her persistent guilt.

Being a nurse didn't "cure" her depression by any means, but she found more purpose as a nurse than she did as a detective. She always smiled when a patient recovered from an operation or illness and was able to return home, and patients loved her for her ability to listen and her care for each individual in the hospital she worked. Additionally, she was able to befriend several coworkers.

Of course, when doctors failed to save patients, she felt the familiar sting of grief and guilt, even if she had nothing to do with the patient's conditions and any operation that failed to save their lives. She continued in her work, working herself to the bone to do her job as best as possible.

When World War I broke out, she was asked to serve as a nurse, considering her background in being more familiar with blood and violence than other nurses, and her high quality of work. While reluctant, she agreed, influenced and swept up in all of the pro-war, guilt-tripping propaganda constantly bombarding her (and everyone else in the nation), and at least hoping that she could still continue to save lives on the warfront.

While serving as a nurse, she was bit by a rabid racoon that wandered into her encampment. It was able to be put down before biting anyone else, and she was able to get a rabies vaccine before she contracted the disease, saving her life.

The war greatly disturbed her, making her PTSD and depression worse. Although she was indeed able to comfort and help many people in the war, the horrific injuries she saw on young men in the war never left her and joined her nightmares, along with images of particularly bad crime scenes she’d seen in her life. 

However, what worsened her mental health most of all is the fact that all of her brothers--her only siblings-- served in and died in the war.

During the war, she fell in love with one of her fellow nurses. They courted, and he was able to bring some happiness, and companionship to her. They wrote letters while stationed in different places, which was a small comfort through the death of her brothers.

He proposed near the end of the war. However, before they could marry, he died in late 1918 of the Spanish flu, leaving her even more grief-stricken and heartbroken.

After the war, she spent time in urbanizing cities, appreciating the hustle and bustle/noise of industrialization over the quietness of nature, where there was little to distract from her troubled thoughts. She frequently painted as a way to cope with/distract from the death and blood she had seen for years, and frequently painted her would-be husband and family.

When war broke out again in 1939, she was in failing health and could not be a nurse again, and struggled to express herself in her art due to her poor health. Hearing of the violence happening again, on an even larger scale, throughout the world greatly distressed her and brought back disturbing memories of the death she had seen in her careers and personal life.

Kept letter correspondence with friends and colleagues throughout her life, but died alone in 1940 at the age of 71.

[magz]

Hi Magz! I see a lot of debate about if autism is a disorder, a disease, or a "way of being". You're nonverbal and DSM/psych-critical, so I want to know your thoughts on autism's classification (if/when you're able)

Was think about this for some days,

but epistemology n label stuff wrt neuro-psychiatry is bit magz weakness when try words it.

Am not very enlighten voice of autism, n am in own little world which often have consequence when Magz try communicate ideas early.

Like, this too early for proper...

Am also have different experience of autistic people that unable speak since toddler, n they should be listen to also. So with disclaimer.

Regardless, am try:

when people call autism "way of being" - it often attempt reclaim way medicalization have dehumanize autistic people

when make monster of us by say "autism" something can n should be remove from person

which result in medical abuse, psychiatric abuse, interpersonal n parental abuse.

high rates abuse from caretakers, medical staff, n parents - especially when unable / not allow advocate for self.

so "autism is way of being" is direct response to that history - n cannot be remove from psychiatric context.

the consequence of do "way of being" do embed parts psychiatry into it as essential aspect of person, but is understandable why happen at least.

Keep in mind is the language that often available for layperson go against common reasonings for abuse.

but even if was not "way of being", the abuse that normal happen when autistic - should not.

so we need pin idea center "regardless anything, abuse should never happen nor there be class of people it ok do to" and "there systems n ideas in place that make abuse seem 'necessary' n enforce it or pressure as thing should do, n this should not happen - but it do happen"

-

with "disease", it have even more negative connotation - as well, can reinforce the need of "cure". which, again, become reasonings for abuse.

so many autistics are against that way call it, "disease".

especially when what define "autism" is many traits how people experience world, or outsider perspective of how autistics seem like.

so would, in essence, *become* calling the person and their needs - a disease.

n is often language that lead to eugenics logic: something that need be cleansed from population or forced out of person.

-

with "disorder" - unfortunately the limits of language n its history, make it so.

autism - and previously "childhood onset schizophrenia" - was coined within the bounds of neuro-psychiatry. n is informed by it.

an observation of behaviors n difficulties of function in early 20th century to 21st century, with comparison how "normal" children act

have cemented the label autism, as neurodevelopmental "disorder" (Autism Spectrum Disorder)

the personal experience n difficulties of the autistic individual is real, in sense of any other neuro-socio-biological thing can be

but the way of acknowledge it is through that medicalization

the pick of what pool of 'symptoms' are autistic, the observance of toddlers n children behaviors to 'notice' autism, what is consider normal n what not normal

sociologically n culturally - creating the consequences of what "not normal" mean bit-by-bit in more rigid terms;

thus defining what "average normal child" not need accommodation of n 'should not act like' through "not being autistic, not {many other 'disorder'}"

n biological definings, by working backwards on what people these overlap symptoms have in common when try search it - whatever can -

brain scan, gastrointestinal issues, patterns of regression, comorbidity conditions ...

n we can acknowledge this self-reinforcing aspect, n the inherent medical environment what 'autism' label came from

but as long as we live in this type society, with its hostility to 'autism' n layered lore intertwined

- even with it reference these idea, it have its particular use in language for know what these various circumstance are refer to n these various experience (which not same everyone but it approximate some type idea)

n sometimes (usually "low support needs") people are overeager with their criticism of psychiatry n medicalization, to remove language terms entirely or be picky

while give nothing of alternative or way express experiences for the silenced stigmatized autistics they rarely hear from

or try shut down. cuz they call themselves "high support needs" n "low functioning" for describe their reality of disability

thus, the silencing n narrowing words reinforcing that sort ableism against disabled anyway.

when the point n goal is to empower the persons most hurt by these systems oppression psychiatric, without patronize or silence - in whatever method can.

usually by question these systems authority n narratives they hold, but priority is of the people.

still, am not trust psychiatrists n medical people n such,

they done much horrible things to Magz n seem project own ideas onto self while focus on whatever label n not own person that am, n how am experience personally, n how environment n people are affect

so this experience inform own view

that it. whatever. it not any of those,

but a reality we live by anyway. whatever we call it. but some the terms have more consequence than other.

and am not know how say what want say, cuz like half the words jumble. so. this the best gonna get for now.

n am prolly say lil bit something way wrong way say it, than what meant, cuz it happen often but what can do ?

[koifishart]

I want to be Your Koi Fish - special chapters

Warning: +18 content, criminal underworld, intercourse, strong language - and so on

Fanfiction based on: "Baki" by Itagaki Keisuke

>Kokko Kitsune<

She didn't like public transport, but never had time to get a driver's license. Maybe later... Now the most important thing was to come back for a few days, rest, recharge the batteries. Most of all, tell him. Maybe it'll get him to his feet once and for all. She figured her father wouldn't be very pleased, but wasn't going to worry about it. Mother will probably start to squeal with joy, hoping that Yui would leave behind dreams of the military. She had no intention of that. Neither of them knew she was coming back, she had been home a few weeks ago! Asked for another pass because of an important matter. Command knew. She couldn't hide it from them, but announced that she would stay as long as possible so as not to waste time, and then...then probably a short break, a few months, she would come back to herself and be able to continue. General Strydum himself from the American army, who visited their barracks from time to time, vouched for her. They met by accident when she was practicing to take the entrance exams. She would have passed 90% anyway, but wanted to be sure. Always. He said that he admired her stubbornness, and there are few women in the military, especially strong and stubborn. She didn't want to take advantage of this acquaintance too much, she had her honor and pride, and Gerry turned out to be a really nice guy. He himself, of his own free will, beyond her knowledge, handed the command a written guarantee, and even expressed confidence that she would get higher than he, and certainly sooner. He was probably right, she loved what she was doing...but it was getting harder and harder. If it were all about her, she would have been able to do it without a problem. For that, she was raised to do, always. Because basically...they were born that way. Strong, independent, even bulletproof. She saw it on a warm April day, or rather night.

The parents held a "typical age difference" between them. Ayame was the oldest. Three years after her, Shizuka was born. Two years later, she, Yui. Then the mother announced that three is enough, don't want more, they won't be able to do it...and yet after seven more years she told her husband with horror, that she was pregnant. Yui heard it as she was just passing the kitchen, walking towards the bathroom. The woman whom she had always admired for her strength of spirit, stubbornness, and at the same time incredibly feminine charm, broke down at the sight of two red lines on a small piece of plastic. She wondered how something as wonderful as the life forming under mother's heart could be so destructive. She had a hard time living through the pregnancy, Goro was very supportive of her, as always with the rest...but this time especially, because everything indicated that a son would be born. The long-awaited boy in the Soga family. She was happy, always wanted a brother. She only got along with her older sisters as much as she needed to. They preferred dresses and nail painting, while Yui was much more likely to hunt butterflies, collect ants, and punch swords with sticks. Only later did she let her mother convince her to girly costumes and some activities, probably only to avoid digging a bigger hole under mother than she had made herself. She was struck by the information that the alleged brother would be a sister after all. As if that were not enough, very weak. Doctors made no secret that the condition of the child and mother, and above all her age, didn't look very good. The older the woman's body, the more likely it was to suffer from diseases or other problems of the fetus, or even miscarriage. The progressive depression didn't improve the likelihood, but the mother seemed to enjoy it. Back then, little Yui didn't understand where this sudden euphoria came from, years later began to recognize it as the beginning of the end of mental well-being. The fourth sister decided to be born sooner, already at 37 weeks. Yui went with her father and mother, there was no way out. When the doctors looked at the ultrasound image, they only grabbed their heads and transport her as quickly as possible to the delivery room, as close as possible to the operating suite. Nurses took her to the children's corner to play for a while or rest, instead of tangling under their feet. Eventually she fell asleep on fluffy pillows. Father woke her up, leading towards the room where a tiny worm wrapped in a cotton blanket was kept. The girl was so pretty and so much like Yui, that she forgot about missing her brother right away. A little bluish and caked with something strange, but pale green eyes, glistening like two stones, made her little baby heart melt with happiness. Despite what the doctors said, as well as the accelerated delivery, she was born strong, very vital. Nevertheless, the nurses made sure that the baby didn't need to be supported, warmed or fed. It was then that Yui first saw the true strength of her family that her grandfather always told about. A child doomed by all, powerful enough to stand up to the world.

She tried to call him again. He still wasn't picking up, she wondered what might have happened. Maybe went to therapy as he promised her? Yes, that's for sure it. So she decided not to disturb, at best would surprise him. Fortunately, the train journey didn't take long. She always envied the Americans, taking into account what they showed in the movies - their transports weren't as crowded as those in Japan. You could breathe calmly without worrying that the saliva of the person sleeping next to you will be inhaled. However, Japanese carriages were more often overcrowded, and if you were unlucky or boarded at other stations, you usually ended up stuffing your nose and sticking it to the glass of the door or the nearest window. Finally, she put her feet firmly on the platform in Tokyo, pushed by the crowd, into the daylight, obscured by tall buildings. She sighed heavily. This wasn't a place for her. She definitely preferred open spaces, forests, meadows, water... she was choking among the skyscrapers. Promised herself that as soon as got what she wanted, she would move to Okinawa, to grandfather. It was perfect there. Simple, practical, close to nature. She set off briskly along the familiar route, dragging a small suitcase behind her. A crowd of people was rushing somewhere, passing her in different directions, and Yui was walking straight to him. She paused at a small newspaper stand, her eyes fixed on the photo on the front page of one of the tabloids. Tall, burned out building. A real fire site. She grabbed a roll of paper, paid for it, and sat down on a bench nearby. It chilled her. She knew the place from photography. This was where she was headed. Apparently had no need for it anymore. The article clearly said that a fire had broken out a few days earlier, right in the block where he lived. Her ears rang as she read "fatalities, including a 19-year-old boy". She knew the area, he was the only one so young. Tossed the newspaper in a nearby dumpster, then quickly pulled out her phone, sipping tears. She dialed the number stored in contact list.

- Dad...would you come to pick me up at the station? - she asked, trying to stay calm. - I ran into a few days. Surprise!

>>><<<

Retsu was very curious to see who he would meet in Master Shigeru's dojo. Watching his and the youngest granddaughter's fight, he was very impressed with how he managed to teach his descendant classical techniques. Guessed that it must have been knowledge passed down from generations, and he couldn't refuse the girl's innate skills. He was very surprised first time, to see her fight without fear, how surprisingly she perfectly combined muay thai with a pinch of typical street fight, so as not to give the opponent any illusions to win. He was chilled when she mentioned that the man she had put on his shoulder at the time was to become Kaioh. He couldn't believe it. After all, a drunk guy stood in front of them, whose life had definitely hit him at one point and then dragged him on a thick rope. Besides, it wasn't easy to escape from the temple...but maybe he did? It looked as if Miss Hanabi knew at least a part of Chinese Kenpo. So what was waiting for them in Okinawa? As it turned out, charming grounds. He wasn't a great connoisseur or nature lover, but the neighborhood made him sigh in awe. Lady Hanayama led them towards a lush forest bordering a vast beach and salt water. Wonderful singing of birds was heard everywhere, as if the island was a separate, utopian world. Eventually they passed through the Tori gate. The woman explained that her family had built a temple years ago, hence the construction in front of the entrance. At the wide open dojo stood...a boy? No, a woman. Pretty, in a man's outfit, with her hair tied tightly above the nape of her neck. At first glance, she might actually seem like a frail man. She looked at them calmly with piercing blue eyes in which he saw a monstrously strong beast. A demon, dark as an inky sky. He couldn't help feeling this. She turned out to be the older sister of Hanabi, and also...the master of the dojo in which they found themselves.

Tokugawa crowed with surprise. In fact, he was a treasure trove of martial arts knowledge, and he missed such an amazing person! It turned out even four. In addition to Mrs. Hanayama and Mistress Soga, two more appeared, not inferior to their younger sisters. Red-haired Shizuka seemed the most friendly, even pacifist, but again it was the eyes that revealed that it's better not to mess with a slim hipster with long nails. The oldest Ayame bristled as soon as she saw Shinogi Kureha, the redheaded doctor Tokugawa had even forced to come. Her green eyes, definitely darker than the youngest's, were blazing with vivid fire and anger as she looked at him. All built inconspicuously, quite typical for their gender, but when he looked a little closer, he noticed subtle strong muscles protruding from under the healthy fat tissue. Additionally, they emanated very strong auras, powerfully feminine, attractive and very self-confident.

He was amazed at the training conducted by Mistress Soga. The greatest people in the world could envy her passion for accuracy. There was no room for imperfection in her. If her students wanted to learn something, they had to prove it and... learn quickly. At the same time, despite the very rigid discipline, the woman didn't express the slightest aggression. Always calm and composed, even when she corrected someone once again. There were also her sons, Yuki* and Tsuyoshi**, five-year-old twins who rivaled teenagers and some adults in physical fitness. It was evident, that mother devotes a lot of time to their education, and they train with love and dedication to support her in the future. Incredibly beautiful picture, especially because the boys were her almost impossibly alike. Only eyes, as usual in this family...EYES. Blue-eyed mother, children with pupils like a handful of nuts. He guessed that after his father, he just hadn't seen him anywhere. He did, however, observe great dissatisfaction on the part of Master Shigeru. He grumbled and grumbled even though Yui tried her best and was doing it perfectly! To him, it still wasn't it... it still wasn't Hanabi. He had heard all those mysterious gimmicks that "Little Fox would know more", "Little Fox would know better", "Little Fox would fit better". What about Little Fox? She reacted allergically, reminding every step that she didn't intend to become a teacher. So why did Grandpa persist in discontent so stubbornly instead of appreciating the extraordinary gift he had under his wing?

>>><<<

She sighed heavily. Grandpa was taking advantage of Hanabi's presence and was still nagging at every step. She had to cut herself off from this, if only for a moment. Sat down among the trees in the garden, in the same place where had been sitting since childhood. It had a special energy for her, as if it had been created for her, a special node for her energy was placed there, acting like a large battery. She clasped legs in front of her, placed right hand in left, upside down, clasped thumbs, and rested limbs on thighs. Straightened her back, tilting chest towards the starry, clear sky. Took a deep breath slowly, controlling exhalation. The earth gave her a wonderful support. As trees exchanged carbon dioxide for oxygen for her lungs, so solid ground allowed her to get rid of bad energy and fill the good. She was meditating for a few minutes when heard the panel creak on the terrace. The steps were very flexible and subdued, and she could feel the scent of sandalwood rising from warm body.

- We've been bumping into each other a lot lately, Retsu Kaioh. - she murmured calmly, turning to face him.

- Sorry...interrupted... - he replied, hiding his face. - You... interesting place to meditate.

- Nothing happened, I don't mind your presence. - she replied, looking around herself. - In such an environment, it is easier to collect my thoughts.

She could see he was doing it quite hesitantly, but finally walked over to her and sat down across from her. "Focusing on myself" had to wait.

- I really admire your methods and skills, Soga-sensei. It is difficult to find mastery and perfectionism of this caliber in the world of martial arts. I'm proud to meet you and learn. - he replied, humbly bowing to her. - I have great respect for women, but in my boldest expectations I could not believe that there are such amazing people among them, brilliantly prepared, even born to be masters.

- Children in our family are born with a sword in hand. From an early age, they teach us martial arts, which is what we are mainly developed for, even girls. We are to be strong, independent. I always applied myself as if...more. I felt at home in the training room. - she explained calmly. - Oh, sorry, you probably don't care, Kaioh. I talked, I felt a good listener...

- Oh, no, please, tell me. - the man encouraged her. - I am eager to find out how to get to the perfection that you have already achieved, Soga-sensei.

- It's not perfect yet. I still see mistakes, shortcomings...which are more of my nature. I hope my sons will be better than me.

- Sorry, it's none of my business...but I've been watching the boys since we came, and I wonder where their father is? - he asked uncertainly.

- He's been dead for a long time. - she replied. - I found out about his death when I wanted to tell him that I have his descendants under my heart.

She wasn't very perceptive, but his expression expressed such boundless pain, that it was hard to miss. She clearly shocked him, he didn't know what to do with himself. Cheer? To express condolences? Congratulations on great strength and self-denial, after all, she is a very young mother? Yui guessed that such thoughts might just run through his head. She sighed heavily.

- It was a strange love. Kind of mutual, but...in the end, we passed each other between living together and rehab. - she quit, and seeing another shock on his face, she continued. - Yes, he was a drug addict. The formula was very simple. He didn't have much strength to get out of it, although sometimes it was for a few months and I couldn't leave him. I just knew that somewhere deep in this life-wounded body there was a good man whom I loved with all my heart.

- And...what happened? - he asked.

- I came back on leave from military school, especially for him, shortly after I found out about my pregnancy. He wasn't picking up, but I figured maybe he was trying to clean himself again...I wasn't hitting too much, thinking I was interfering with therapy. I didn't even make it to his house. I found out that he died in a building fire.

- It's monstrous... - Retsu sighed in agitation.

- Yes. I touched on a few acquaintances to get a clear picture. Even got to see the coroner who was performing an autopsy on his body, or rather what was left. They don't know if he overdosed or burned alive, most likely setting the fire himself. In any case, when he was dying, he had substances in his blood that shouldn't be there at all.

There was a dead silence. He definitely didn't know what to say again. In fact...what was there to say? He died. He was gone. It took a long time to recover, but she had to persevere for those little beans that sprouted under her heart then. And now those beans were fast asleep on the mats in their room, she thought she could even hear their snoring. He was snoring too, horribly. It was the easiest way to tell if he was alive when he said he wasn't taking anymore.

- The boys...know?

- Yes. I didn't hide anything from them. - she sighed heavily. - I wanted...that it would not scare them so much as warn them against a similar mistake. I hope if they have a problem they will come to me.

She smiled slightly at the mere thought of two insanely ambitious and energetic boys. Sometimes she wondered if their father was watching them from...wherever he was. Is he proud of the way she is raising them? She had to be strong for them. She wiped the lonely tear that fell from her cheek.

- I... it's... it's terrible what happened to you, Soga-sensei. I can't even say how sorry I am for that. - Retsu muttered. - But I believe that since you were able to recover from it, you are an even stronger person than I might have believed before. Your sons are very lucky to be brought up under the wings of such a wonderful mother and a genius mistress. It is an honor for me to meet you.

- And vice versa, Kaioh. - she replied with a slight smile.

They had left a few days earlier, and she was still thinking about what Kaioh had said. According to him, she was a genius in her field, should ignore the grumbling of her grandfather with an appropriate silence and not try to please him. Could he be right? Maybe, in fact, instead of proving to Shigeru that she is fit, should just do her thing and not worry? She walked among the practitioners, constantly, calmly, improving their technique. Higher arm, 90 degree angle, knees bent, abdomen firm, feet steady. As always, Yuki and Tsuyoshi were on the mat as well. She was proud of them. Never forced them to do anything. They felt the call themselves and swam with it.

- Heads up. Look forward with pride, my children. - She muttered in front of them, and they immediately improved their postures.

There was someone else in the corner. He looked quite insecure, especially when asked her to teach, but she agreed. She agreed with her older sister - he had potential and was quickly wasting it, Yui didn't want him to go to waste. She promised to help him, but he had to give himself up. To sacrifice what he considered necessary for his continued success. She wanted to show him a different path. Not for shortcuts, but with effects so that he finally achieves what was created for. His technique turned out to be amazing, even perfect. Only the small touches that she intended to make, wiping away his arrogance were missing. Physical training was a matter of weeks. Psychic - months to get rid of vagaries and empty, imaginary ego.

Another evening came, and as every few days she devoted herself to deeper meditation. Something was still upsetting her, she couldn't focus, she couldn't drift away. She lit the nag champa*** incense to aid herself a little. When she was almost there, was almost on the other side in her thoughts, phone rang on the shelf. At first she figured she would call back as soon as she was done, but the smartphone was still vibrating. She caught it just in time before hit the mat. She answered, sighing heavily as she glanced at the screen.

- You're in the way. - muttered bluntly.

- You don't say? - she heard a click on the other side. - I have a message for you. Not very pleasant.

- This has to do with Grandpa Musashi? - The brunette asked, straightening her legs in front of her. - You must have sensed him too, Ayame...

- Yes. And yes. - The blonde replied. - You must be friends with that young Kaioh, huh?

- What does that...

- Dead. Musashi cut him in half. - the eldest said sadly, not waiting for the sentence to be completed. - Take swords and come to Tokyo.

They weren't very close to each other. Oh, he listened to her... and that's it. And so it hurt. Very as if a piece of her heart had been torn out. She hung up, then got up to pack the essentials and tell Grandpa Shigeru that he would have to take care of everything for a few days.

She came back smashed. She was close to losing her youngest sister. Her Yin, the source of her balance. When she almost believed it, Hanabi brushed off Sakura's petals as if nothing had happened, yawned and started running away! Fortunately, the brother-in-law turned out to be quite quick when he didn't use his destructive power. If it weren't for him, she would have rushed behind the little white ball of fur herself, not to catch it, but to CHOKE for the dumbest idea she had ever had. It was wildly irresponsible, unreasonable...basically pointless, because who knows how long this old witch will live? Who else could...maybe better not think about it. She unpacked, put the two shiny katanas in the dark duvet covers wrapped in navy blue cloth back into place. She looked at them, one sword slightly shorter than the other. She grabbed the smaller one again, examining it closely. Slowly moved forward to finally stand in front of the entrance to the family temple. Lined with varnished wood, walls painted with white paint. In the center was a golden statue of a man of very androgynous beauty. He was sitting similar to the Buddha, in the lotus position, with two foxes at his feet, wrapping their long tails around him. Black vases filled with fresh flowers were placed on either side of the statue. She sat down on a maroon pillow placed in front of the image of the deity. Untied her long braids until they almost reached the ground. Loosening the tangles, she tried to clear her mind as much as possible to focus on the present moment. She took the gleaming sword out of the duvet cover, then cupped her long curls in one hand, catching the blade at the nape of her neck.

- Inari, please accept as a gift the symbol of my beauty**** that I have cared for for over twenty years. - she muttered in the direction of the statue, skillfully cutting her hair in one move. - In return, take care of my friend, Eishu Retsu's soul so that he does not miss anything on the other side.

She tied the gift with one of the ribbons she had removed from the braids, and then placed it on the lap of the statue. She breathed a little louder than planned, wiping a lonely tear from her cheek. She hadn't even noticed that someone was standing behind her back.

- Dinner on the table, Yui-sensei. - Jack muttered low, placing his hand on her shoulder.

- Thank you, I'll be right back.

______________________

Kokko Kitsune - (or Genko) http://kitsune.dreamhart.org/inaribook.htm; also: from Chinese tradition, Black Fox is the symbol of the North Star; my Kokko, apart from the black fur, has green tails, which is to symbolize the element in which she was born (earth)

Yui - [jap.] - bind

*Yuki - [jap.] courage

**Tsuyoshi - [jap.] - strong

***nag champa - one of the most popular natural incense fragrances; It allows you to detach yourself from reality, perfect for meditation, help in achieving balance

****Hair in Japan has a historical dimension. In the past centuries, long hair in women was a sign of beauty, wealth, and depending on the hairstyle - even age, degree or availability. Cutting hair was a drastic step, often associated with a religious oath, and cutting someone's hair without his permission was even a crime; there is a legend about the ghost Kamikiri who loved to cut someone's hair (his hands were supposed to end with scissors). Their attacks were often attributed to wanting to defend people against the Kitsune, which they considered evil (of course, the evil Kitsune also existed - author's note), seeking only to seduce people, get them to marry, and also sex, to steal vital energy, leading to to possession and insanity