#In fairness there have been weirder crossovers

[clickclacktheblueguy]

A while back I crossed the beams of some hyperfixations and wound up giving Stands to the kids from Jellystone. From left to right we got Mercy Mirror, Zero One, and Duck Sauce. I wrote 90% of the pilot episode of a fanfic about it, but doing the whole thing would have been too ambitious.

Also, if you haven't, go look up Zero One, the Living Tombstone is awesome.

[wipbigbang]

This is Round Two of the Artist Claims for the 2023 round of WIPBB. You may claim up to three fics this round. If you want only one fic, please fill out the form once with your top choices. If you want two fics, fill out the form twice with your first choice in the first form submission with one unique ID and the second choice in another submission with a different unique ID.

The synopses are located at https://wipbigbang.dreamwidth.org/172201.html

The form is located at https://forms.gle/ES2D3d2mTG1nU4Pk6.

Round two of the art claims will go on until July 1st.

Final Fantasy

#039

Title: Glitch in the System

Pairing/Characters: No Pairings

Rating nan

Warnings/Tags: None

Summary: After breaking an enemies materia during a fight Cloud gets thrown backwards in time. Only he doesn't appear quite right.

#040

Title: Magical Girl Rydia - Summon the Four Warriors of Light!

Pairing/Characters: Rydia of Mist/Yuna, Eiko Carol, Mog (FFIX)

Rating General | G

Warnings/Tags: Mild fantasy violence, including done to monsters that resemble real-life animals, in case animal violence disturbs you. Other content tags: College AU, Magical Girl AU, Fight Scenes, Humor, Female Friendships, Summoners, Boss Battles, Espers, Eidolons

Summary: Rydia is just an ordinary young woman studying chemistry at the University of Mysidia with a bit of a crush on her gorgeous biology lab TA, Yuna. But one day, when she's walking back to her apartment, an attack by a supernatural creature leads Rydia to discover she has magical powers. Before long, Rydia has been pulled into the urgent task of protecting some mystical crystals from sinister agents who have designs on them. Will she be able to save the crystals? Will she ace her biology class? And can she work up the courage to ask her TA and magical girl mentor out?!

This is a Magical Girl AU Final Fantasy crossover, vaguely inspired by the game World of Final Fantasy. The story is written to have an anime vibe, heavily influenced by Sailor Moon and other color-coded five-man bands of my youth. Lots of fight scenes, Final Fantasy cameos/references, woman-heavy cast, with some light F/F romance on the side.

#041

Title: Once Upon a Profile Page

Pairing/Characters: Zack Fair/Cloud Strife

Rating nan

Warnings/Tags: None

Summary: When Cloud is a child he tells himself that when he's old enough he'll seek out the person who's mark matches his. He holds onto this promise even as computers make it easier to find one soulmate. He holds onto it until his mother gets sick and Cloud gets desperate for help paying her medical bills.

#042

Title: Wheel and Burn

Pairing/Characters: No Pairings

Rating nan

Warnings/Tags: None

Summary: Genesis's nights have been trouble dreams he can't remember plaguing his sleep like half forgotten memories. Things don't improve after that disastrous spar with Sephiroth. In fact they just get weirder when Genesis wakes one morning to an uninjured shoulder.

[aikoiya]

*sputters as the links smack me in the face*

(Jk!) Haha! That's adorable!

I'm certainly interested, but honestly, until I know more about the Little Prince, I really can't make many suggestions other than the one I already had.

Also, keep in mind that they don't necessarily have to meet all at once.

And, to be fair, there've been weirder crossovers.

Also, the prince in the second link is giving me major James in the Giant Peach vibes. He even left using white birds with strings attached!

Okay, I happened to spot Gene Wilder in the corner of my eye while watching the last link, I think, & I could not stop myself from looking.

It was honestly pretty adorable!

@aikoiya I'm continuing our conversation here because I did in fact write an essay.

Okay so first of all: [throws youtube links at you] <- those clips are from a movie adaptation of the beloved classic, "The Little Prince" by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. Get your hands on a copy of the book and read it, please. It is phenomenal and not very long.

The image I shared of the Little Prince is from a re-imagined version of the character, from a comic book series (based on a tv series, which the image is from) of the same name that I stumbled upon about a decade ago and fell in love with. More about him later.

Now. I have a theory about Toby that is very similar to yours, but a lot more straightforward: when the accident happened, his soul bound itself to the blue core (as in, the physical object, not the energy it produced) in much the same way that souls in Bleach will sometimes bind themselves to locations / objects / etc upon death. The blue core energy is what kept his soul from decaying or turning into a Hollow.

I like to think of blue core energy as a combination of, or dual-purpose, electric and soul energy. So Astro really is Toby, just with a rebuilt body, and no chance of turning into a Hollow because the blue core energy stabilizes him. Of course, he would be completely unaware of this until Toshiro points it out to him.

[a lot more under the cut]

Speaking of, let me go back to the Little Prince. The way I want to portray him in this crossover idea is somewhat of a combination of how he is in the original book and how he is in the comic series. Or, more precisely, I like the idea that the comics simply depict how the Little Prince is when he's a bit older than he was in the book. There's a lot more besides his age that changes between the book and the comics, but the end of the book leaves the possibility for so drastic a change wide open, and the comic all but treats the book as a prequel, so I'm going to use that.

In the comics, the Little Prince has some special abilities, but mostly he still has the eyes and wonder of a child. He is very benevolent (nearly to a fault!) and feels things very strongly, but only rarely loses himself to fits of temper or despair. Mostly he is joyful and very keen, kind, and curious. He can talk to all living things and summon things from his imagination (within certain limitations).

Outside of all that, he and Toshiro have so much in common that I have a very hard time imagining them not being immediate close friends, even with Toshiro's ultra-reserved demeanor and trauma around the matter (yes I'm sort-of including Diamond Dust Rebellion stuff in this). Toshiro has been shown to be a very deep thinker and feeler, and is still very much a child, but he's learned to act (in the vernacular of the Little Prince) like a grown-up because he's surrounded by them. They might clash a little on that point, but beyond that they have so much in common that I think there would be an immediate connection between the two:

both have someone they are fiercely loyal to, around whom their whole heart revolves, and losing them would destroy their entire world

they both love watching sunsets and do so religiously, in both cases because it reminds them of the respective objects of their devotion

they both work with someone with a personality polar opposite to theirs, but with whom they share a strong bond of friendship anyway

they share a disdain (milder in Toshiro's case) for grown-ups

they both have deep, poetic, philosophical thoughts that they may (Little Prince) or may not (Toshiro) share with others

On top of all that, I can easily see the Little Prince's innocence and borderline naivety reminding Toshiro of Momo, and inversely, Toshiro's grumpiness reminding the Little Prince of his dear friend, Fox. So Toshiro's cold demeanor would do absolutely nothing to deter the Little Prince's friendship, and the Little Prince's warmth and trusting heart would activate Toshiro's powerful, "you are precious, you are kind to me, must protec at all costs" complex.

Back to Astro. In a lot of ways he would serve as the emotional Kirk to Toshiro's Spock and the Little Prince's McCoy. He's kind and warm, but knows when fisticuffs make the best argument. He's slower to violence than Toshiro but quicker to violence than the Little Prince. He knows what it's like to feel isolated and "other" and to stand out for his genius, like Toshiro, and he expresses his care for others with gentleness and vulnerability, like the Little Prince does. He'd be the perfect emotional balance between the two, and would round out the group's abilities very nicely.

There are also two big things that they all have in common. One I won't go into because Little Prince spoilers, but the other is that they all, at one point or another, have refused to fight in a situation that demanded them to. The Little Prince avoids violence as a rule (depending on the opponent), so such situations are almost a typical Tuesday for him, but Toshiro and Astro have each been pitted against a friend that—depending on how you interpret things—they each kinda shared a piece of their soul with. In Astro's case, it ended well. In Toshiro's... it didn't. It very didn't.

I know that I don't want their first encounter with each other to be violent, but I've tossed around so many ideas about how they meet and nothing so far is really sticking. Do they meet in one of their worlds? A separate world from any of theirs? So far the only thing that's kinda sticking is them meeting in the Bleach-verse, with the Little Prince showing up near Toshiro's house & running into him on a day off, meanwhile Astro shows up in the living world, but idk. I kinda had this idea of them traveling to different fictional worlds together to kinda help out and set things straight, but I don't even know if I want to keep that or not. All I know is they must be friends.

so anyway they are all bean and I will share more ideas later but it's late and I need to go to bed but yeah thanks for letting me ramble k bye

[geeks-universe]

Veritas Vos Liberabit

The truth will set you free.

Next Part

A/N: This is part one. There won’t be too many parts, so expect like max 15. And yes, this is a Lucifer/Sherlock crossover.

For the first time, you felt absolutely free.

Your father was in Los Angeles, far away from your newfound home in London. Well, temporary, you were sure.

While your freedom was certainly enjoyable, you felt a twinge of guilt for leaving your father without a proper goodbye. However, you knew if you said goodbye, he’d convince you to stay. He was always good at that sort of thing.

You loved him, you truly did, but he treated you like a child. Which, yes, compared to his age you were most definitely a child, but he was forgetting that you weren’t like him.

Well, not entirely like him at least.

Besides, London was giving you a chance to experience life like a normal person. You’d spent so many years hidden away from the world, you’d barely had time to actually live your life.

Your father told you it was for your safety, which was fair enough considering the amount of enemies he had, but you still needed to experience life while you could. You knew deep down your father wouldn’t understand, even if he tried.

You sighed, looking on the city with a sense of trepidation. You’d been living in Los Angeles for a while now, but you’d had your father with you. This time you were completely alone in one very large city.

You shook your head, facing the door next to the home you’d decided to rent. You lifted your hand to knock, but as you did somebody opened the door.

“You were taking too long,” the man stated, his eyes narrowed as he looked you up and down.

It was analytic, you could tell. Considering who your father was, you tended to attract stares everywhere you went, just as he did. Something he once said floated back into your mind.

“Humans tend to have an affinity for the divine. It’s… desirable.”

This was different though. He was scanning you, looking for answers by observing. It was unsettling, to say the least.

“Okay, um, hi.” You raised a brow.

“American?” He inquired, leaning in a titch more. He smelled all around your collarbone before stepping back.

“Something like that,” you muttered, “can you quit with the,” you gestured vaguely.

“Yes, right, what’s your case?” He asked, leaving the doorway to head up the stairs. Curiously, you followed him up.

“I don’t have one,” you replied, “I’m here for the apartment next door. I wanted to introduce myself.”

“Ah, yes, the new neighbor,” he said, “delightful.”

“Who are you bugging now, Sherlock?” A new voice questioned from the room just beyond the stairs.

“We’ve got a new neighbor,” Sherlock introduced, ushering you into the room.

It was a bit messy, but in a way you knew the inhabitants could easily navigate through it. The man that Sherlock was talking to was sitting in a chair, setting a paper aside so he could properly introduce himself.

You took notice of the damn blink that everybody did, usually right before they try to charm the wits off you. It was all too familiar, and annoyingly comforting in a weird way. It made you feel closer to your dad.

“Hi,” he breathed, “I’m John Watson.”

You smiled politely, holding your hand out for him to shake. He did so, though you noted that his touch lingered longer than acceptable.

“Right,” Sherlock drawled, watching his friend closely.

“I’m (Y/N),” you introduced yourself.

“You’re from America,” John concluded.

Once more, you let that tidbit of information slide by. If they wanted to believe you were from America, so be it. It was easier to explain than where you were actually from.

“I hope that’s not a problem,” you laughed awkwardly.

To be quite honest, there were still many things you felt entirely trivial about. One of those things just happened to include the rest of the world besides Los Angeles, considering you’d never been.

“Not at all,” John assured you with a friendly smile.

You let out a relieved sigh.

“Glad to hear,” you mumbled, looking from one occupant to the next. “I just figured I’d stop to say hi and, uh, if-“

“Why did you choose here?”

Sherlock interrupted you, still scrutinizing your every move. If you hadn’t been so taken off guard, you may have laughed.

“I’m sorry?”

“You’ve got a lot of money from your…” he leaned forward an inch, his eyes flicking down to your hand, then back to your face, “father. Could’ve had any flat in London and you chose here. Why?”

“Uh, I-“

“Nervous, but happy,” he paused thoughtfully, “running from home? First time outside of America. No, even more, first time outside of home. Where is it? A city, has to be. You’re fine wi-“

“Stop that.”

John was quick to stop Sherlock’s tirade, an apology in his expression and a hand on his friend’s shoulder that was meant to shut him up.

“Quite the mind reader,” you joked weakly, chuckling nervously. For your sake, you seriously hoped he wasn’t. Humans couldn’t be, but you could never be too sure on what creatures lurked about, especially outside of the comfortable corner of the world your father carved out for you.

“Observation,” he corrected, and you nearly breathed a sigh of relief before deciding that doing so would be far too suspicious.

“He’s quite good at it, and won’t let you forget it anytime soon.”

You smiled politely to John. Of the two, he was the more familiar one. You had met so many different kinds of people during your stay in Los Angeles, and none had been able to pick apart your character by way of observation.

“I’m from Los Angeles,” you supplied.

Sherlock clicked his tongue, as if that had been one of the cities he’d narrowed the list to. Basing his ability solely off of the brief interaction you’ve had with him thus far, you wouldn’t be surprised if it was.

“I’m not running from home, exactly.” You shrugged, a half smile on your lips. “I am an adult anyways, not like it’s illegal. I just wanted to see more of the world, explore life outside of home.”

Sherlock hummed to himself, like he was trying to piece you together and he had managed to click that extra bit of information into a slot. John, on the other hand, seemed to find your response endearing.

Unlike Sherlock, he wasn’t analyzing your every word and move. He was taking what you said at face value, and empathizing with your story. 

“Never been to Los Angeles myself,” John cleared his throat, hoping to continue the small talk.

“You should, it’s an interesting city,” you offered a genuine smile, ignoring the twinge of longing. You really did love Los Angeles, and being away from home hurt just as badly as it felt good. “If you ever do find yourself there, stop by Lux. My father owns it.”

“So I was right,” Sherlock muttered, “rich family. Old money or new?”

Your expression turned to something decidedly mischievous.

“To be quite honest, my family has never really needed money.”

If Sherlock was confused by your statement, he made no effort to show it. The brief furrow of John’s brow was the only evidence you’d even spoken your words aloud.

“Anyways, I just wanted to introduce myself. My door is always open if you need it.”

“Likewise,” John said kindly, a soft twinkle in his gaze. The exchange was interrupted by Sherlock’s annoyed huff.

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous John, the door is locked quite often. As should yours, London can be a rather dangerous place.”

“Unfortunately for London, so can I,” you joked lightly, tugging at the chain around your neck. It had become something of a reminder of home.

On it was a gift from your father, something to carry with you so you can always remember him. A promise, really.

See, Lucifer wasn’t your father in the biblical sense. (The irony.) He raised you, but you were, by all rights, his baby sister. (Emphasis on baby, you’d only been kicking for 22 years.) Instead of being raised in the Silver City, you had been left at the gates of Hell, without a word of explanation. While Lucifer hadn’t asked, nor wanted, the newfound paternal responsibility, he assumed the role with minimal complaints.

If you were being honest, he was an amazing father. He had allowed you to flourish and be the person you wanted to be, not the vision he had for you. However, he had a tendency to be overzealous and project his fears onto you. He was worried the whole world was against him, and if he weren’t there to protect you, then you’d be taken from him.

The concept seemed ridiculous to you, considering you were 22 years old and had never had so much as a scraped knee, but he was adamant. Thus, the only way to escape his watchful eye and truly experience life- if only for a little while- was to leave.

“I can give you my number,” John suggested, quickly backtracking as soon as he realized what his words implied. “If you- I mean, so you can let me know if you need anything.”

Your smile was wide as you handed him your phone. Truth be told, outside of the few close confidants you had in Los Angeles, there were few people you’d had the chance to really get to know. John and Sherlock seemed like nice enough people, and they were going to be your neighbors for the time being.

He typed his number in quickly, as Sherlock watched the interaction curiously. There was something in the way he observed that had you smiling. The staring was familiar territory, but the intent was different.

“I suppose,” John began, handing you back your phone with the utmost care.

He exchanged a glance with his roommate before rocking on his feet.

“We work odd jobs so there may be some noises…”

You quirked an amused brow. They seemed a fair bit more interesting than you were expecting. You waved off his worry.

“I survived living with my father for as long as I did, I promise it can’t get any weirder or noisier than that.”

The look John gave you made you think he definitely thought it could, but he didn't voice any more concerns. Instead, he gave you a gentle goodbye and walked you back to the door of your actual apartment. Sherlock hadn’t bothered to come, even though you were almost hoping he would.

There was something peculiar about him, and you wished to have more time to evaluate just what that was, but in the meantime you were left alone to your devices.

Once John had left, you found yourself leaning back against the door to look at the bare interior of your new home. The thumping of your heart slowed to a near standstill as you took in the wooden floors and the brick walls. It wasn’t overly fancy, like what your father owned, but it was yours. (Well, you were renting it, but the fact still remained.)

Tears filled your eyes, and you couldn’t quite understand why. The aching in your chest was rivaled by the freedom in your veins. You’d never really had the opportunity to answer the question of who you were. It’d always been what your father thought best, or what you could do to help him. Now, nobody would tell you what to do, or how to decorate your new apartment, or who you could befriend. However, your father wouldn’t be there to tell you everything would be okay, or remind you how very important you were to him, or how capable you were. 

Freedom had never tasted so bittersweet.

“Decorating tomorrow,” you told the empty space, a small smile on your lips.

For tonight, you’d continue to be the person who left your home in Los Angeles to start over in London. You’d be the one who ran from home to discover a life out from under the man who had raised you.

Tomorrow, though, you’d finally start the journey of figuring out who you were.

It’d start with furniture. Then a job maybe, some friends, a hobby…

The options were endless, and you found yourself buzzing with the opportunity to discover what would make you happy.

[theink-theiron]

Fairys Lost in Liones - Chapter One

Gajevy and Banlaine are my OTP's and I wanted to see a crossover between them and between Fairy Tail and Nanatsu no taizai, hope you enjoy!

Read on AO3 Here

Levy could feel aching and pain all over her body as she woke up from a deep sleep, she opened her eyes and shuffled sitting up on the bed, wincing as she did. Rubbing her eyes, she looked around the room expecting to see the guilds infirmary, but that didn’t seem to be the case in this situation. Instead of white sheets they were pink and instead of Mira or Wendy stood beside her tending to her wounds there was no one.

“Where am I?” She muttered out groggily, speaking to no one in particular but hoping that one of her guild mates would answer her. The nerves were beginning to creep in as the predicament she found herself in began to dawn on her, alone, injured, and unaware of where she was or how she got there; With each passing second more questions arose but no answers were there to comfort her.

She slowly got out of bed, being mindful of her injuries that seemed to encompass the majority of her body, she stretched out her body a little hoping to ease some of the tension she was feeling both inside and out, she took another quick scan around the brightly coloured rustic bedroom that for the life of her she could not recognise, she was hoping it would be a guildmates bedroom or something like that but she didn’t think so, the whole place just felt a little… off.

It was at that moment that she realised two things A) She was covered in neatly wrapped bandages, so she assumed that whoever brought her here was friendly and B) That she was wearing an outfit that was more befitting of Lucy! a tight pink t-shirt that ended at her waist, the smallest blue mini skirt and belt, and one long blue sock. Not her typical state of dress however she was more concerned about who dressed her.  

Then it hit her, Gajeel, Pantherlily, Jet and Droy were all with her, the last thing she could remember was all of them heading out on a mission together, which she had just about managed to drag Gajeel onto. Are they here? Are they ok? A loud commotion from downstairs disrupted her train of thought, it sounded like a lot of people, maybe that was them. Even if not she would still have to leave the room at some point, so that’s what she did. Creeping down the stairway the ruckus got louder, people yelling and cheering maybe, but none of them sounded like any of her boys.

Reaching the bottom of the stairway and rounding the corner, she shyly walked into what seemed like quite a nice little restaurant and bar. How odd. But what caught her eye the most was that she could see the group people she is assuming found her.

“Look who’s finally awake” Straining her neck looking up she came face to face, well face to chest, with a pair of red eyes with a devilish glint in them, the man was grinning down at her but it wasn’t malicious it seemed more playful which actually threw her off a little bit. She had to take two steps back just to look at him properly, how tall is this man!? she thought, he easily towered over her, even more than Gajeel did. And why on earth is he wearing an apron instead of a t-shirt?

Six pair of eyes scattered around the room were all on her waiting for her to say something, but her nervousness temporarily got the better of her, she didn’t recognise any of these people or the place and Gajeel was nowhere to be seen the whole situation was very unsettling for her, she wished she didn't have to do it alone.

“Ban don’t scare her! Don’t mind him my. name's Hawk captain of scraps disposal!” A large pig pushed past the man she now knew as Ban to speak with her. He seemed rather outgoing. She heard Ban mutter out a quick ‘Sorry Master’ This pig wasn’t in charge was he?

“Uh hi, my name's Levy Mcgarden, it…it’s nice to meet you Hawk” She was taken back by the fact there was a talking pig for only a moment before she composed herself again, deciding to ignore the part about scraps, she had bigger questions at the moment.

“You’re not surprised by the talking pig?” Ban asked incredulously whilst leaning against the bar and wrapping an arm around a small blonde girl with big golden eyes, seriously who are these people?

“I know a talking cat so no” He nodded at her, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

“I’m sorry but I’m so confused, who are you people?” She tried to remain polite but the whole situation was so strange.

“You don’t know? we’re the Seven Deadly Sins” A small blonde boy who seemed rather chipper then joined the conversation, but he also started groping a tall, beautiful white haired woman who kind of reminded her of Mira. The girl blushed but didn’t do anything. Levy immediately averted her eyes and decided to talk into the void instead as to avoid the embarrassing scene.

“Who?” Ok so the name ‘Seven Deadly Sins’ did not put here at ease. And she had never heard of them before, is that some sort of guild name perhaps?

“You’re not from around here are you” Another small brunette boy joined in with a deadpan tone, it wasn’t exactly a question more of an accusation. The blonde boy then introduced himself as Meliodas the leader of the Seven Deadly Sins, the Dragon Sin of Wrath and gave a very brief description of what they were, although it was confusing, an order of Holy Knights for the kingdom of Liones and… criminals. As interesting as it was to hear it raised a lot more questions than it did answers.

“What? There is no place called Liones or Britannia and there are no Holy Knights”  She knew of every country on Earthland and she was sure that she was right about this, but she also didn’t think that they were lying, what is going on?

“Yes, there is and that’s where you are right now” Meliodas said keeping his voice light, she could not seem to tell what he was thinking and everyone else was just looking at her like she was crazy, which to be fair she could understand.

“OH! Gajeel, Jet, Droy and Pantherlily where are they!?” She suddenly burst out looking frantically around the room, they must know where they are, they would have been with her right; she couldn’t be out here all on her own.

“There was only one other person with you, tall, dark hair, angry looking guy. He’s going to be ok, but he’s hurt bad, he’s upstairs resting now” Meliodas told her pointing at the staircase then heading behind the bar.

“Oh thank Mavis Gajeels ok” She sighed letting out a breath of air she didn’t know she was holding in, but that didn’t make her feel completely better as the other three still weren’t accounted for “But are you sure there wasn’t any else with us? A ginger guy, a big guy with dark hair, and a small black cat with a sword maybe?” It was a desperate attempt; she knew it but she had to ask maybe they had seen them somewhere else on their travels.

“No but that last guy sounds cool!” Exclaimed Ban jumping up a little, the blonde girl patted him on the shoulder and giggled signalling for him to cool down a little bit, which he did.

Worry took over her then, where on Earthland could they be? she hoped they were ok, with any luck they were still in Magnolia.

“You must be starving” The White-haired girl approached her and ushered her to sit down at the bar, they sat beside each other, and the blonde girl sat on the other side of her. “Ban why don’t you get started on some supper for everyone, the others should be back soon” Meliodas told Ban whilst he started fixing up some drinks for everyone.

The White haired girl accepted the drinks and divided them amongst the three girls “My name is Princess Elizabeth but don’t worry you don’t have to be formal with me” She smiled brightly at her and it actually did make Levy feel a bit better.

“Wow a Princess are you sure I feel like I should bow” Elizabeth giggled at that and shook her head.

“And my name is Elaine, I’m from the Fairy kings Forest '' There was something about Elaine that she couldn’t quite figure out, she looked young like Wendy, but her eyes gave her away she looked wise beyond her years.

“Ha that’s funny I’m from the Fairy Tail guild”

“You’re a fairy too!?” She beamed with excitement practically bouncing out of her seat.

“Are you a fairy!?” Shocked beyond belief this girl seemed genuine when she said too so that must mean…no. This doesn’t make any sense, she can’t be a fairy, this day just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

“Yes…why are you surprised?”

The guild wasn’t going to believe this, if this was real then she had just discovered actual Fairy’s, just imagining everyone’s faces when she told made her laugh internally.

“I’m sorry I know this might sound ridiculous, but you don’t have a tail do you?”

“No we don’t have tails! are you crazy?” The brunette boy shouted from the cushion he was currently laying on in the air, ok so that was a little weird. But now she could tell everyone the answer to the age-old question on whether Fairies have Tails or not, this was an amazing day, well if you don’t include everything else that has happened.

With everyone in the room looking at her like she was out of her mind she started to explain why she had asked, she told them about the guild and Fiory, hopefully they might be able to fill in some of the gaps that she was missing. They told her that they had no idea what she was going on about which by now wasn’t that surprising, but they said a mage called Merlin may be able to help, they would just have to wait for her to return. Apparently there were still a few people missing called Merlin, Escanor, Diane and Gowther.

Dinner was almost ready for everyone so she decided she should head up and check on Gajeel just to make sure he was alright.

“LEVY!” Everyone stopped at the sound of a fierce roar coming from upstairs, he rushed downstairs clearly ignoring any pain and each thud of his descent was getting closer and closer. Rounding the corner they locked eyes and he marched up to her gently grabbing her shoulders and checking her over noticing the many bandages, his eyes looked panicked and she could tell that unlike her the moment he awoke he leaped out of bed and instead of waiting to try and piece together what was going on he immediately went on a hunt.

“Are you alright?” He asked, staring at her. After a moment he realised how close they were and stepped back and let go of her shoulders opting to scratch the back of his head and look away from her to alleviate some of the awkwardness, she noticed a very light blush on his cheeks but passed it of as a reaction to all the adrenaline coursing through his system. She nodded and hoped that he didn’t see her light blush either though, but of course it was only because of the adrenaline

“Where’s Pantherlily and the two morons?” And who are all these people?” He motioned to everyone else in the room who were still looking at them intently, seeming a bit put off by the silence of the unknown presences.

She ignored his moron comment and then smiled thinking of introducing him to the new friends she had made, Elaine and Elizabeth were delightful and she didn’t know what to think of the guys yet, but they seemed alright too.  

“These are the Seven Deadly Sins” levy gestured around the room and the girls and Meliodas waved, Ban nodded his head, and the brunette boy rolled his eyes.

“What the hell is that, a boy Band?” Gajeel asked mockingly, still seeming a bit Sceptical though.  

“No but that would be cool” Meliodas shouted out from beside Liz and jumped up to look excitedly at Ban who also had a massive grin plastered over his face.

Gajeel however looked much like Levy did not too long ago as hearing that name didn’t really clear anything up. Oh well she had plenty of time to explain things to him in more detail later, she couldn’t wait to tell him about the Fairy’s.

But as ok as things seemed at the moment they were still in a dire situation; was this the result of the Dark Guild they were going to face?

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Pluralistic: 17 Mar 2020 (Punch Brothers and Masque of the Red Death, 2020 Census (ACT NOW!), Disaster Socialism, Scalzi's canceled tour, my Twitter account was (briefly) nuked, writing advice, Our Plague Year, Inception-level patent troll covid fuckery, tips for parenting kids stuck at home, Brave files GDPR complaint against Google)

Today's links

The Masque of the Red Death and Punch Brothers Punch: My latest podcast is Poe/Twain bathos crossover.

Fill in your census online: Otherwise you and people you care about literally won't count.

Naomi Klein: this disaster has no room for disaster capitalism: It's our moment to seize.

Scalzi's canceled bookstore: Support your local indie bookseller, especially now.

My Twitter account was suspended: I got in trouble for putting trolls on a list called "Colossal Assholes."

Talking digital writing careers with the Writing Excuses podcast: Covering a lot of ground in 15 minutes.

A new anxiety podcast from Nightvale's Joseph Fink: Proud to be in the debut episode.

Patent trolls try to shut down covid testing: Monkey-selfies, Theranos, Softbank – it's a garbage matrioshke!

How to live with your kids: "Working and Learning from Home with Young Children."

Brave files GDPR complaint against Google: Sharing data between Google services is a no-no.

This day in history: 2005, 2015, 2019

Colophon: Recent publications, current writing projects, upcoming appearances, current reading

The Masque of the Red Death and Punch Brothers Punch (permalink)

My last podcast featured the Macmillan audiobook of my novella "The Masque of the Red Death."

https://craphound.com/podcast/2020/03/13/the-masque-of-the-red-death/

For this week's podcast, I decided to read Poe's original 1842 story, "The Masque of the Red Death. It's some next-level gothic stuff. Neil Gaiman is right: Poe must be read aloud!

https://www.poemuseum.org/the-masque-of-the-red-death

As a chaser, I close this week's podcast with a reading of Twain's classic, gothic, comedic "Literary Nightmare," better known as "Punch, Brothers, Punch," easily the best story ever written about an earworm.

Warning: earworms.

https://americanliterature.com/author/mark-twain/short-story/punch-brothers-punch

The two pieces work incredibly well together, making a bathetic cocktail!

Here's where to get the podcast:

https://craphound.com/podcast/2020/03/16/the-masque-of-the-red-death-and-punch-brothers-punch/

Direct MP3 link:

https://archive.org/download/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_333/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_333_-_The_Masque_of_the_Red_Death_Punch_Brothers_Punch.mp3

Here's the RSS for my podcasts:

http://feeds.feedburner.com/doctorow_podcast

Fill in your census online (permalink)

Guess what's happening on April 1, whether or not the nation is on virus lockdown? The 2020 edition of the decennial census, arguably the most consequential administrative task in the US government.

https://my2020census.gov/

You don't have to wait until April 1. Here's that URL again. Whether or not you've gotten a census card with a code, you can and should fill it in.

https://my2020census.gov/

From danah boyd: "Everyone who lives in the US (regardless of nationality or visa status) is required to fill this out. Children under 5 are often forgotten. Same with long-term house guests. Immigrants, black men, and indigenous communities are often undercounted too. If you want to make sure that your community gets its fair share of funding and political power, make sure to get everyone in your community to fill this out. The more people missing, the more you lose out."

If digital isn't your thing, call:

English 844-330-2020 Español 844-468-2020 普通话 844-391-2020 粤语 844-398-2020 tiếng Việt 844-461-2020 한국어 844-392-2020 pусский 844-417-2020 العربية:844-416-2020 Tagalog 844-478-2020 Polish 844-479-2020 Français 844-494-2020 Kreyòl Ayisyen 844-477-2020 Português 844-474-2020 日本語 844-460-2020

If you're reading this, you're on a device that can be used to fill it out.

Naomi Klein: this disaster has no room for disaster capitalism (permalink)

In The Shock Doctrine, Naomi Klein coined "disaster capitalism" to describe how, during a crisis, "ideas lying around" about how to enrich the few and take away our rights come to the fore.

In this short doc, she applies the theory to coronavirus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niwNTI9Nqd8

The shock doctrine is well underway: privatizing social security, closing borders, maybe canceling elections.

But as Klein points out, disasters don't always precipitate oligarchy. The Great Depression catalyzed the New Deal and transformative change.

This is moment to seize. We have "ideas lying around" that are better than exploitation and oligarchy: ideas like a $15 minimum wage, an inclusive government, evidence-based policy free from corporate influence, Medicare for All, and, most of all, the Green New Deal.

Scalzi's canceled bookstore (permalink)

John Scalzi has had to cancel his tour for for The Last Emperox, a book in The Collapsing Empire series. It was the right call for him (and Tor Books to make).

https://whatever.scalzi.com/2020/03/16/important-news-about-the-last-emperox-tour/

Even though it was the right call, it comes at a cost – to John, to Tor, and, especially, to the indie bookstores that rely on author events to keep the lights on. That's why John has urged his readers to "Keep your pre-order at your local bookstore, or make that pre-order at your local bookstore. Your local bookstore needs you right now."

He also suggests that you consider ordering a signed limited edition hardcover from Subterranean:

https://subterraneanpress.com/last-emperox

And John will be going into his local indie to sign books for mail order for so long as it's permitted:

http://www.jayandmarysbooks.com/

Indie booksellers aren't the most endangered or hardest-hit among those who will be devastated by the virus, by official incompetence and indifference, and by monopolism and corruption, but they will still be VERY endangered and VERY hard-hit. They need your support.

My Twitter account was suspended (permalink)

My Twitter account is back!

Here's what happened:

I woke up yesterday morning and discovered that my account was locked. There was no explanation, either in the app, the site or my email for this. I contacted everyone I knew at Twitter, and everyone who knew anyone at Twitter. At 830AM Pacific – about 5h after the suspension – I got an email from support – saying I'd been suspended for having a list to which I add trolls called "colossal assholes."

I'm not sure that this qualifies as a ToS violation (I gave up reporting trolls who called me much worse, because Twitter inevitably replied that these epithets were not prohibited), but it's super-weird that they suspended me without warning or explanation. Also weird: I could not rename the list while suspended, only delete it (I tried to rename it "thoroughly unpleasant individuals").

Weirder: "Colossal assholes" got me suspended, but not its companion list, "Toe-faced shitweasels"

Thanks to everyone who contacted Twitter on my behalf, and for the Twitter folks who lit a fire to get that suspension explanation email sent my way.

All of my followers were deleted. Twitter tells me they'll reappear over 24h or so, but more than 100k are still missing. If you're interested in seeing my future tweets, please double-check that you're subscribed.

Also, in response to Twitter's sensitivity about "colossal assholes" as a listname, I've renamed and expanded my lists.

Potent emetics

Tissue-thin bad faith

Foolish timewasters

Beneath contempt

Odious nonsense-spewers

Confederate gravy-eaters

Toe-faced stenchweasels

Hilariously inept lackwits

Probably bots

Thick as two short planks

Raving conspiracists

Sociopath climate deniers

Dim bulb centrists

Inept MAGA trolls

Red scare bedwetters

Talking digital writing careers with the Writing Excuses podcast (permalink)

Back when cruise ships were a thing, I went out on the Writing Excuses Cruise as an instructor with Mary Robinette Kowal and friends. While there, we recorded an episode of the Writing Excuses podcast.

https://podplayer.net/?id=99014840

In a mere 25 minutes, we pack in a lot of material: how to break into the field, what a publisher's job is, how "digital is different," self-promotion, not being an unlikable weirdo when you're self-promoting, technology's role in shaping artistic success, and more.

Here's an MP3:

https://writingexcuses.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/WX15_11_digital_is_different.mp3

And here's the RSS to subscribe to the podcast:

https://writingexcuses.com/feed/podcast/

A new anxiety podcast from Nightvale's Joseph Fink (permalink)

Our Plague Year is a new podcast from Joseph Fink of Welcome to Nightvale fame. It features short spoken-word essays about this extraordinary, scary, uncertain time.

https://ourplagueyear.libsyn.com/

The debut installment just went live and I was proud to contribute a piece to it, "Don't Look for the Helpers," which PM Press will be publishing in text form shortly.

https://ourplagueyear.libsyn.com/the-lesson-of-a-plague

Also in this episode: "Social Distances" by Nisi Shawl.

MP3 here:

https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/ourplagueyear/The_Lesson_of_a_Plague.mp3

Patent trolls try to shut down covid testing (permalink)

It's nearly impossible to sum up all the terrible in this story about a patent troll who is attacking America's ability to make and distribute coronovirus test-kits.

Labrador Diagnostics LLC is a patent troll (💩) that bought two of Theranos's patents (💩💩). They're a shell company spun up by Fortress Investment Group, Softbank's (💩💩💩) giant patent troll (💩💩💩💩). They're suing Biofire, a company that actually makes things (as opposed to Labrador, which only makes lawsuits). Which things are Biofire making? Covid-19 tests (💩💩💩💩💩).

They're represented by Irell & Manella, a lawfirm that previously claimed to represent a monkey. No, really. (💩💩💩💩💩💩)

It's inception-level terrible, a grifty shit burrito encased in a shit-flour tortilla, wrapped in a layer of shit-foil, and served in a go-bag of shitty, shitty, shit.

This is the kind of shit-matrioshke that could wipe out our species.

How to live with your kids (permalink)

I'm really impressed with Erin Kissane's "Working and Learning from Home with Young Children" – an important sanity check for anyone ramping up a new way of relating to our kids.

http://incisive.nu/2020/working-and-learning-from-home/

"Don't be Captain Homeschool on day one" is definitely a lesson we've already learned the hard way, and I'm excited to try out its antidote, "Rhythms > schedules":

"A simple rhythm is resilient, so when something goes sideways, recovery is much simpler."

Also impressed by the accompanying "rhythm chart" (something something "rhythm method" something something "parenting").

"Hold a morning household meeting" is something we're definitely doing, albeit awkwardly because we're taking advantage of the school break to let our kid do the sleeping in she never gets to do otherwise, so we're already up and about by the time she's ready for this.

Also impressed by the recco for the Raising Free People podcast, for unschoolers, free schoolers, Adlerians and democratic parents.

https://www.raisingfreepeople.com/podcast/

Brave files GDPR complaint against Google (permalink)

It's long been obvious that US Big Tech companies are unserious about their GDPR compliance, taking cosmetic, pro-forma measures that don't really engage with the substance of the rules (those rules demand nothing less than a top-to-bottom industry restructure).

EU regulators have been slow to punish them for this, but the GDRP affords standing to many private actors to demand action for noncompliance, which is how it is that Brave has filed GDPR action against Google.

https://cointelegraph.com/news/brave-browser-delivers-on-promise-files-gdpr-complaint-against-google

The complaint's substance is that Google is collecting data through its many products, divisions and services and merging that data on the back-end, which the GDPR expressly prohibits without meaningful, opt-in consent (and you can't deny service those who don't consent).

Brave published a study that analyzed Google's communications with users, partners, regulators and customers and showed that these are effectively an admission of the kind of "data-tying" that the GDPR bans.

https://brave.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Inside-the-Black-Box.pdf

I continue to use Brave and Firefox as my daily-driver browsers; I'm impressed with the quality of both, and how much better they make the web.

This action by Brave might trigger the kind of reckoning that the GDPR was meant to provoke — at long last.

This day in history (permalink)

#15yrsago ETECH Notes: Life Hacks Live! (Danny O'Brien and Merlin Mann) https://craphound.com/etech2005-lifehacks.txt

#15yrago Sterling and Steffen's SXSW keynote https://web.archive.org/web/20050318074350/http://www.worldchanging.com/archives/002353.html

#5yrsago The Glorkian Warrior Eats Adventure Pie https://boingboing.net/2015/03/17/the-glorkian-warrior-eats-adve.html

#1yrago China's "pawn shops" have loaned $43B, mostly secured by real-estate https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-03-12/china-is-said-to-scrutinize-43-billion-pawn-shop-lending-boom

#1yrago Chinese enthusiasts are serving global Thinkpad fans by making modern motherboards that fit in classic chassis from the Golden Age of the Thinkpad https://geoff.greer.fm/2019/03/04/thinkpad-x210/

#1yrago Majority of London's newly built luxury flats are unsold, raising the spectre of "posh ghost towers" https://www.theguardian.com/business/2018/jan/26/ghost-towers-half-of-new-build-luxury-london-flats-fail-to-sell

#1yrago Myspace lost all the music its users uploaded between 2003 and 2015 https://www.reddit.com/r/techsupport/comments/7uiv8b/myspace_player_wont_play_songs_and_i_want_to/

Colophon (permalink)

Today's top sources: Kottke (https://kottke.org), Slashdot (https://slashdot.org).

Currently writing: I've just finished rewrites on a short story, "The Canadian Miracle," for MIT Tech Review. It's a story set in the world of my next novel, "The Lost Cause," a post-GND novel about truth and reconciliation. I've also just completed "Baby Twitter," a piece of design fiction also set in The Lost Cause's prehistory, for a British think-tank. I'm getting geared up to start work on the novel next.

Currently reading: Just started Lauren Beukes's forthcoming Afterland: it's Y the Last Man plus plus, and two chapters in, it's amazeballs. Last month, I finished Andrea Bernstein's "American Oligarchs"; it's a magnificent history of the Kushner and Trump families, showing how they cheated, stole and lied their way into power. I'm getting really into Anna Weiner's memoir about tech, "Uncanny Valley." I just loaded Matt Stoller's "Goliath" onto my underwater MP3 player and I'm listening to it as I swim laps.

Latest podcast: The Masque of the Red Death and Punch Brothers Punch https://craphound.com/podcast/2020/03/16/the-masque-of-the-red-death-and-punch-brothers-punch/

Upcoming books: "Poesy the Monster Slayer" (Jul 2020), a picture book about monsters, bedtime, gender, and kicking ass. Pre-order here: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781626723627?utm_source=socialmedia&utm_medium=socialpost&utm_term=na-poesycorypreorder&utm_content=na-preorder-buynow&utm_campaign=9781626723627

(we're having a launch for it in Burbank on July 11 at Dark Delicacies and you can get me AND Poesy to sign it and Dark Del will ship it to the monster kids in your life in time for the release date).

"Attack Surface": The third Little Brother book, Oct 20, 2020. https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250757531

"Little Brother/Homeland": A reissue omnibus edition with a new introduction by Edward Snowden: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250774583

[sirsparklepants]

Witcher musician au where Geralt is the drummer for a three piece metal band and he likes it, he really does, but he's been with them doing the same thing for years and he wants to do something a little different. He wants to do really well researched Viking metal. His band members think the concept is cool but are not down for the truly obsessive level of research Geralt is putting into this, so he decides to look elsewhere, with very little luck. He’s about to start trawling ren faires when his old friend Mousesack, who’s a retired old school punk musician mentoring up and coming young talent now, passes on a suggestion from his latest protege Cirilla: Jaskier.

Jaskier plays indie folk-pop and had some radio success with a few of his poppier songs, but he’s one of those musicians who get weirder and weirder the deeper you delve into their catalog. Geralt is skeptical at first until he accidentally clicks on a youtube video from about six months before Jaskier got famous where he records himself as a one man band doing a medley of these songs. And that seems like... exactly what Geralt needs, honestly. So he has his agent dig up a contact for Jaskier and suggests his idea.

Jaskier, for his part, is thrilled. The royalties to his radio hits pay the bills, and he’s happy with that, but the historical stuff is what he has the most fun with, and Geralt? Member of a famous metal band who’s been in the business for years? The name recognition alone of doing a song with him is worth all the time he’s going to sink into this project. So he agrees. Geralt does research, Jaskier plays and tunes the historical instruments, and they write the song together. Which. Does not go well, at first. But eventually they find a rhythm where they work well together. And the song is going well! Except.

Jaskier tells Geralt that they need to bring in someone else. Someone who has the historical background to interpret the fragments of music they’re piecing this together from, determine if they even had a fixed key or mode, and he can read older music and play the instruments, but he just doesn’t have the background in this kind of music history, so they need to bring someone else in. And he’s not sure if she’ll say yes, but he knows who he’d prefer.

Yennefer used to be the first chair violinist of the Aedirn Philharmonic, but she was tired of the structure and the backbiting and wants to break into pop crossover music, like Lindsey Stirling. She agrees because it’s a leg up for her, but she wants to put her stamp all over the song, and Geralt and Jaskier are very protective of the work they’ve already done. They do bow to her expertise, and she appreciates that they stand up to her while still respecting her input. It’s very different than she’s used to.

On the day that they all three agree that the song is complete, they all get shatteringly drunk and fall into bed together. And it’s... wonderful, honestly. Well, it’s sloppy and giggly and uncoordinated, but it’s also friendly and very fulfilling. But when they wake up the next morning and go out to hangover breakfast, they all think... the project is over. Their careers are so different. As wonderful as it was, it’s not a good idea. And they all communicate this more or less successfully and go their separate ways with an agreement to keep in touch. The song is a huge hit and catapults their names into the spotlight, and they do well from it.

Then, several months later, Jaskier wants to write a pop song. But something a little different than the bubbly hits he’s done before. He wants to write an aching, mournful pop ballad. In no way is this influenced by Geralt and Yennefer, of course, so it’s, you know, fine to call them in for the parts he can’t do himself. He just needs Yenn’s violin and Geralt’s steady beat. No one else will do, and why not capitalize on their fame? So he brings them into the studio, because of course they agreed. And he plays the song for them.

It’s about them, of course. Yenn asks just to make sure. Jaskier stammers, but it’s Geralt who gets up and kisses him again and reels Yenn in. Because they feel the same, of course. So they agree to try and make this work, careers and all, and they record the song. And it’s an even bigger hit than the first one. The media is calling them a supergroup. No one is sure how this collaboration happened but they love it.

About eight months after that, Yennefer releases a song with them. It’s about two lives that she’s torn between, two goals that seem incompatible, and Geralt and Jaskier each play the part of one choice personified in the music video. At the end of it, she takes them both by the hand and they both kneel at her feet. She doesn’t have to choose. When it releases, Jaskier posts a photo to instagram of Yenn and Geralt both kissing him on the cheek, captioned simply “#loves”. For several days, speculation runs rampant. Is this a publicity stunt? Is this teaser for more content? Eventually, Geralt gets tired of it. He takes them both on a dinner date wearing a shirt that says “yes, they’re both with me”. And that’s how they all come out as a committed triad.

[marshmallowgoop]

Goop Plays Kill la Kill the Game: IF (Satsuki Episodes 5-8)

Oh my goodness.

Episode 5

So, this episode starts off with that haunting line featured in the recent Anime Expo story trailer:

Ragyo: All of this is because of you, Satsuki. Because of who you are.

I guess Ragyo’s saying that Shinra-Kouketsu came into fruition because Satsuki couldn’t prevent this outcome, no matter her efforts, but I gotta say that I was expecting something a lot more sinister. But that’s just trailer magic for you, I suppose, lol.

And I know I said in my last write-up that I really enjoyed interacting with the story, but okay, I get what some reviews were referring to now. Fighting the COVERS felt extremely tedious.

Satsuki: Ugh, this is endless!

Same, Satsuki, same.

Though, to be fair, I don’t know if it’s the Steam port or my computer or what, but part of the reason playing through this segment felt so bad is because it ran so badly. It was slow and glitchy and an utter pain.

Still, I will say that fighting the COVERS with the Elite Four was a bit of a better experience purely because of the cute introductions when each of them joined Satsuki in battle. I particularly loved Nonon and Satsuki’s exchange:

Nonon: Nonon here, at your service!

Satsuki: I’m counting on you, Nonon. Stay sharp out there.

I mean, aw??? Satsuki saying she’s counting on someone? My heart. And that’s not even mentioning that she uses Nonon’s first name.

It’s a real shame that there are no subtitles for these bits. Those playing in Japanese who don’t understand the language will totally miss all of these moments.

But then again, the achievement for the battle is “Unspoken Understanding,” so these words aren’t really necessary. 

They’re so cute, though!

Anyway, on the subject of the Elite Four, my question about their Goku Uniforms gets quickly answered here:

Satsuki: Your Goku uniforms!

Houka: Iori patched them up fast, m’Lady. Nothing compares to his skill with a needle and thread.

And LOL, okay, Shiro can just sew four complicated outfits in like five minutes. Life Fibers: ain’t gotta explain shit.

(To be real, though, I’m honestly not bugged. Details like this just amuse me. And I really like that Houka says this line.)

But what the heck is Shiro referring to here???

Shiro: There’s just one thing that bothers me...

Satsuki: What?

Shiro: It can wait. I’ll come talk to you after the fight’s over.

As of episode 8, I don’t think this talk has occurred? Or did I miss it or something?? What bothered Shiro??? I don’t really have an idea!

Episode 6

It kinda cracked me up that Shinra-Kouketsu didn’t seem to be that far from complete. Nui, what the heck were you doing in the anime? It seems you could have finished that thing in a way more timely manner.

Nui: Awww, Satsuki! You’re too late. I just finished!

But on a more serious note, seeing Satsuki lose control and become Mind Stitched is heartbreaking. I knew at about this point that I was getting close to the end of the story, but gosh, I want so much more. I want to know how Satsuki feels. I want to know more about her history and what she’s done up to this point. Seeing so much go unexplored leaves me aching.

Still, I know I’m lucky to get any Kill la Kill at all after all these years....

Poor Satsuki, though... She’s had to fight all these battles, and then this happens....

But I will say... one thing I actually don’t think I want to know is what Nui ended up doing....

Nui: Okay! I’ll just stay here and mess around then!

Episode 7

Now, episode 7 is the absolute cutest.

Ryuko: Finally. Thought you’d never wake up.

I want ten hours just of the characters being cute like this. They don’t even have to like, do anything. They can just sit around and talk. This is my jam.

Back when the show was first airing, I remember so many people wanting Ryuko to save Satsuki after the Festival. This episode is the perfect embodiment of that dream. And it’s honestly better than I even expected. They are precious.

Ryuko: Can you move?

Satsuki: No. That’s not good.

Goodness, Satsuki, you are such a dork I love you.

Buuuut. Uh. I have so many questions.

How much time has passed? Have the Elite Four been awake a while? Were they talking to Ryuko about Satsuki for a long time (and can I please, please see this in Ryuko’s story?)

And, most notably, how the heck is Senketsu back together again?! Maybe I misunderstood what happened before, but didn’t Ragyo take one of Senketsu’s pieces? How can Senketsu Synchronize with Ryuko without that piece?? What did Ragyo want to do with that piece, anyway? What is going on.

As cute as everything is, it’s also a bit soured for me when it’s revealed that Ryuko was convinced she’d killed Nui.

Ryuko: I thought I killed you!

Just recently, I actually got into a whole discussion on the subject. Apparently, in the Grand Summoners mobile game that had a crossover with Kill la Kill about a year ago, Ryuko states that she’s perfectly willing to kill others without remorse.

And, uh.

Okay, was anybody going to tell me that the Grand Summoners/Kill la Kill crossover had a story, or was I just supposed to read that in a discussion about whether Ryuko would like Shadow the Hedgehog or not myself?

But anyway, I figured that Ryuko would say something like that purely to sound tough. I’ve always viewed her as a sweet who wouldn’t truly want to kill anybody, even Nui (which is why she ultimately doesn’t kill Nui in the anime).

Perhaps I’ve just interpreted her character all wrong, and maybe it’s unfair of me to expect too much depth from a 3.5-hour story in a tie-in anime fighter game, but if Nui is the first person Ryuko’s “killed,” I just... expect more of a reaction. Even killing someone you hate must make you feel something if it’s the first time you’ve done such a thing. Ed killing Greed in the 2003 Fullmetal Alchemist anime is a brilliantly powerful example of that, and Ryuko is a remarkably sensitive person when it comes to how she impacts others—her reaction after going berserk in episode 13 is a testament to that.

Of course, I haven’t seen Ryuko’s side of things. Maybe she does freak out after she’s done the deed. But I don’t know. From what I understand about Ryuko—going easy on Mataro’s gang, helping Maiko despite trying to be tough and saying that it’s everyone for themselves, hardly even being able to function after losing control and hurting the people she loves, putting all her doubts aside to “save” Nagita—it’s hard for me to believe that she’d be so unaffected by killing someone, especially in retrospect. 

I mean, heck, she doesn’t even kill Nui in this episode despite saying that she will and honestly having the opportunity to!

Ryuko: I don’t care how many-a-you there are! I’ll kill you all!

And it’s even weirder to me that Senketsu would be okay with this! He’s the one who says in the preview for episode 18 that “to kill as you please with a smile on your face is evil.” Why would he help Ryuko murder for revenge?

It’s Not That Deep, Goop, I know. But it irks me.

Still, I can (obviously) appreciate the charm of this short story. Nui’s little cloth dolls are adorable, for example.

Episode 8

And getting into episode 8, I love that Ryuko didn’t even understand what she was doing when she cut off Nui’s arms, but she acted so sure of herself anyway, like she totally knew that’d work out.

Shiro: But if you cut those Fibers from both sides simultaneously, they can can’t regenerate.

Ryuko: Ohhh, so that’s what happened with Nui’s arms.

And oh lordy, they are precious.

Nonon: Jeez, Satsuki. Don’t bow down to the new girl! What’ll people think?

But at the same time, we’re missing so much of the power of the anime here. When Satsuki bows down to Ryuko in the anime, it’s so meaningful because she understands that she messed up. She shouldn’t have used her own sister as a tool and a weapon. She went too far. This is cute, but it feels undeserved.

Carrie Keranen, Satsuki’s English voice actress, said in a recent ArcLive that the Satsuki’s apology on the Naked Sol was her favorite scene to voice. She talked about how Satsuki felt she was doing the right thing but realized that she didn’t have to go to the lengths she did. I was so hoping for the game to delve into that realization more, and there is still a tiny bit of time for it to do so, yes, but it was kinda sad to see the bow here before that.

I’m also kinda confused about what’s going on. What is Uzu talking about here?

Uzu: Yeah and besides, Matoi here was saved ‘cuz of you. She should be the one doin’ the thanking.

How exactly did Satsuki save Ryuko? She, uh, kinda tore up Senketsu.....

On a completely different note, I’ve noticed in the past that the localization is kinda wonky, and you definitely feel that in this episode. Ryuko says that she has the Rending Scissors, but then the subtitles call them “Snippity-Snips,” lol.

And more complaints about Ryuko, but I’m not sure I dig her being characterized kinda like a dimwit. “Primordial” isn’t that difficult a word, c’mon.

Ryuko: Wait... Prime-oatmeal?

Maybe it makes more sense in Japanese. Or Ryuko’s just really hungry.

I did appreciate this line, though:

Ryuko: I ain’t here to make friends with you all.

Oh, Ryuko.

But can’t say I appreciated this one:

Ryuko: I’m gonna kill that loli bitch!

Can we just... not with that word, please.

I loved the ending, though. Satsuki, you are such a sweet, oh my goodness.

Satsuki: That said, I’d like the four of you to go after her. Protect her, if necessary.

Awww! She really does care.

And the fact that she prioritizes her students?

Satsuki: I’ll make sure all students are freed from the COVERS and once I’ve arranged for their rescue, I will join you.

Satsuki a sweet, okay. Satsuki is good.

Gallery

Aight, I know this is really long already, but I gotta say that I really appreciate that Ryuko and Senketsu share a place in the Voice Library... even if their names don’t show up together there....

I’m also super curious about those bonus voice lines, but I feel like it’d be cheating to buy them now, and there are probably spoilers in them, too... and I’m broke in this game, lol.... But very excited for it!

And I’ve said it before, but can we just appreciate all the love put into this game some more? Look at all those voice lines! 146 for Ryuko and Senketsu alone. And all characters seem to have at least around 70 lines. I’m fearful about how this story will end, but goodness, the dedication put into this game will never stop being charming.

One more thing... when I started up the game again, Mako was narrating instead of Senketsu! I looked at these voice lines and realized that everyone can be the narrator, but I wasn’t sure how you trigger it to change. Learned today that it depends on the buttons you press during the introduction!

Again love all the effort put into this game.

In sum, I’m not sure how this thing’ll end, and I am nervous, but there’s a lot of charm here, even if I wish there was more. It’s hard to stop playing and write these posts, but I also feel like I gotta let this stuff sink in a bit! I don’t want to break my mind by going through way too much Kill la Kill content at once!

[ausllygo1direction]

Tony Stark Is Part Vulcan. Pass It On.

Ok, before y'all roll your eyes at my theory and brush it off as some wannabe crossover, you really need to consider the possibility.

First of all, a traditional male Vulcan name is five letters long, starts with S and ends with K. Examples being Spock, Sybok, Sarek, Surak, etc. Therefore Stark is not only a viable Vulcan name but it is also a logical one.

Moreover, Tony posesses many qualities that fit with Vulcan biology. The obvious one being his smarts. However, he also has the tendency to forget about time and insanely focus himself upon a single project, very much like how Vulcans can choose to give something their entire attention (or lack thereof in the case of pain). He also goes way longer than is healthy for a human without sleep and the man eats like a bird - missing meals when he's so heavily focused. It's canonical that Vulcans can go weeks without sleep, and longer than a human without food and water. Vulcans have also been known for being able to live with low levels of oxygen for a time (Oxygen running out tomorrow? Not a problem for Tony).

Vulcan physiology would also account for his shorter and stocky frame. And the fact that Tony is very isolated relationship wise except for the few that he has deemed family with whom he shares bond-like qualities.

Plus his sass can rival Spock's.

Basically, he's retained certain Vulcan characteristics but because the Vulcan blood has been watered down through the generations he also doesn't have the control that we normally associate with Vulcans, making him appear to just be some erratic human being.

I'd also like to point out that Spock is canonically related to Sherlock Holmes, and that Downey has played both men of iron. Thus it only seems logical that the MCU is some bizarre parallel universe where everything has come full circle and Tony is related to a Vulcan.

Here's what I propose:

The year is 1895 and a V'Tosh Kator comes to Earth out of curiosity, without the VSA's knowledge, of course, and explicitly against their version of the Prime Directive too. However he comes anyways and falls in love with the bizarre humans and their strange illogical ways. It's easy enough for him to hide his ears with a funny hat (I direct you to Spock in any TOS episode where they visit a non-interference planet), and honestly this is the time of folks like Oscar Wilde - no one blinks twice at a slightly eccentric man in a funny hat. He gets along swimmingly with the Dandies and even charms his fair share of upper Victorian society. He meets a woman, perhaps from a family of some note, and marries her, using his telepathic abilities to have her disregard his ears whenever she sees him without a hat. A year later she bears his child.

The infant, of course, is born with green blood and pointed ears.

However, this is the end of the 19th century, when all sorts of wonderful things such as radiation were being discovered and some children were born with a lot weirder birth defects than just pointed ears. Thus the family intends to keep the oddness of their daughter a shameful secret, but press forward nevertheless. After all, once she's older her ears are easy enough to tuck away under a bonnet, or hide with a Gibson hairstyle.

Her father, however, does not stick around long enough to find out how she does it, deciding that he's had enough of family life shortly after his daughter was born, and so he stows away in the night, finally leaving Earth and any cares that he interfered behind.

Sure enough, the girl grows up ashamed of her oddities and only knowing her father through her mother's tales of an eccentric Dandy who stole her heart.

And then the Great War breaks out and suddenly there are much more important things than shameful ears. The girl has always been frighteningly intelligent, and she decides to put her knowledge to good use, training as a nurse to help the wounded soldiers.

That's how she meets her future husband.

Sent home from the war mere months before the end due to his injuries, the girl with the slightly too-large hat is the nurse that makes him whole again. He falls in love and asks her to marry him, and when she hesitates he wonders if it's his injuries holding her back. To his surprise she removes her hat. And explains that it's not his deformities, but her own that make her hesitate.

He laughs and pulls her forward into a kiss, determined never to let her go. After all, when you're missing a leg and a handful of fingers, pointy ears are nothing to be concerned about.

They marry shortly after the war and nine months later the girl gives birth to a strapping young boy, secretly pleased that his blood appears red and that his ears are thankfully curved.

The birth had complications though, and she doesn't make it through the night. She lives long enough to hold her son one last time. She lives long enough to name him Howard.

Shortly after her death her mother passes away also, leaving her husband with a decent sized fortune to raise Howard. He decides to leave his son with his wife's maiden name, in remembrance of her.

Howard Stark grows up to be a household name, and we all know the story from here.

By the time that Tony is born the Vulcan blood is watered down and the internal organs have all realigned into human position which is why Tony doesn't set off any medical alarms in our day and age. Yes he's retained some Vulcan characteristics, but they're passed off as the quirks of Tony Stark. He's Spock without the need for logic.

In conclusion, the evidence would suggest that Tony Stark is part Vulcan, and this is how he's going to survive Endgame. Pass it on.

[kalloway]

Is it okay if I read some of the dialogue you've put into your crossover idea. The Camarilla, Anarchs and Sabbat are going to be confused on what's going on.

Oh for sure - I wouldn’t doubt it’d cause quite a bit of chaos tbh!

And sure Anon - just know it’s nothing special - mostly just ideas I had on how I could possibly introduce Magdalene into the mix tbh 😅

I’ll provide a bit of context/commentary, cuz I do literally write *just* dialogue lmao (fair warning: it’s p lengthy):

“What you’re asking me to do is an utmost crime, Sorcerer. I refuse.”

“Even if it means becoming more powerful? Heightening your Clan’s position?”

“I don’t care about that. First and foremost, I’m loyal to the Camarilla, and Diablerie is a capital crime - irreversible.”

“Your kind is already doomed to the Netherrealm. Why bother upholding such a masquerade?”

“Because I don’t see myself as a monster, and I don’t forget where I came from.”

(This is an isolated idea between Magdalene and possibly Shang Tsung, after the latter finds out about the concept of Diablerie - possibly from the Sabbat, but also possibly previous knowledge from the Moroi?)

“If what you’re suggesting is true, then we’ll need to take this to HQ. Can you be present tomorrow morning to meet?”

“That’s not possible. I’m a night person - I only conduct business after sundown.”

(Whispers to the other) “…telling you - vampire.”

“Very well. Tomorrow evening then?”

“Sure. But let’s keep it brief, alright? I can’t stay away for too long.”

(Just a goofy bit where one of the Kombat Kids (as I’ve heard Cassie, Jaqui, Takeda, and Kung Jin referred to), or maybe just another soldier in general, is super convinced she’s a ‘classic’ vampire, but no one else is buying it)

“Woah, woah! There’s not supposed to be civilians here!”

“What are you doing here?”

(Magdalene): “Investigating.” (She glances at their uniforms) “What’re the Special Forces doing in a dump like this?”

“Investigating. You really shouldn’t be here-“

“My superior begs to differ. This matter is of the utmost importance, and he’s sent me to look into it on his behalf. I’m not leaving.”

“Do you know anything about this incident then?”

“…not much. Probably about as much as you do: It’s a strange series of events leading up to this by some unknown and unseen party.”

“I’d call this a bit more than strange.”

“Whatever you call it, it’s a problem - obviously for the both of us. The sooner we find out what happened, the better.”

“You’re going to help us?”

“And you’re going to help me. If we’re after the same answers, why not make this whole situation mutually beneficial?”

“Well, we don’t really know anything about you. Plus, this is SF business, we can’t really release much information. Classified, you know.”

“My name is Magdalene Brandeis. You don’t know me or my superiors, but we’re on the same side for the moment.”

“‘For the moment’?”

“I have no say in their choices. Kinda what happens when you join in at a bad time.”

(i’m not really sure how I wanna write Mags, so she kinda jumps between super formal and more casual here - it’s her encountering the Kombat Kids while investigating an extremely suspicious incident that resulted in a lot of strange deaths in the building/area - definitely Sabbat work. Imo they grow much bolder after the turn of events leading to the news of new realms.)

“Hey Cass, I did some looking into that woman we were with at the scene of that incident, and got something really weird.”

“What do you mean ‘weird’? The whole thing was way outta wack.”

“Yeah but this is… weirder. I did a search on the name she gave and eventually got a match on a Missing Person’s report from over in Santa Monica, but… That Magdalene woman’s been missing for well over a decade now.”

“What? No way… what do you think it means?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I should bring it up to General Blade or not regarding the incident. She didn’t seem like she was involved in it at all.”

“She definitely seemed like she didn’t want to be seen there… like she was keeping a low profile. Maybe she was involved?”

“But she gave us that insight on those other incidents that match this one.”

“Probably ‘cause she knows about them. How would we know if she was involved? But it fits the alibi.”

“What do you mean?”

“Think about it Cass - a woman that’s been missing and presumed dead for over ten years, suddenly shows up at the scene of one of the most horrific crimes in recent history, then starts talking about other similar instances we’d missed going back a few years? She’s definitely in on it.”

“But we have no evidence she’s an enemy-“

“And nothing to prove she’s an ally either, besides her word. Can you trust someone like that?”

“…I’m not sure.”

“I say we report it anyway. At worst, it’s a bad hunch, but at best we possibly nab the person responsible - or one of their lackeys, anyway.”

(I wanted a bit that touched on Mags’ prior involvement in VTMB, so this is just a small call-back to that)

“How did you get in here?”

“Through the front door, actually. I have information you might be interested in, General.”

“And why would we trust someone who waltzes into a military facility like they own the damn place?”

“Because if my superiors found out where I was and what I was going to say, I’d be dead ten times over by now.”

“…who’s your superior?”

“Let’s call them a Council, for simplicity’s sake. They keep a tight leash on their kind, but I’m not… exactly a normal case. Now do you want to hear what I have to say or not? I don’t have all night.”

“Why come at night?”

“It’s quiet at night. I prefer it.”

“Hm. So long as it’s relevant, we could use any help we could get.”

“What causes these incidents - these murders - isn’t like you or I, but something much more primal.”

“An animal?”

“A beast with a superiority complex, honestly.”

“And you think we’d believe that?”

“What else have you encountered could do something like that?”

“I could name a few things…”

“I believe it’s the work of the Sabbat.”

“…the what?”

“The Sabbat. I’ve been informed you’ve heard the term before-“

“Yeah, and it’s strictly SF information only. How’d you hear about it?”

“Everyone knows about it, where I come from. They’re a persistent problem that’s grown wildly out of hand, in recent nights. Do you know what the Sabbat are?”

“We deduce they’re a gang going around murdering innocent people with no rhyme or reason as to why they’re doing it.”

“Hmmm… not bad, not bad. But there IS a reason, and the rhyme may be… disturbing to you.”

“If you know what’s causing the murders and taking our attention away from other more stressing concerns, then by law you’re obligated to inform us.”

“The Sabbat, in essence, strive to be everything you are not: Inhuman. They reject the basic code we all as a society follow, for the most part. They’re arrogant, have no regard for life, and see themselves as higher beings than you. The Sabbat are dangerous, and we’ve been trying to keep them in check for years. Ever since we all found out about the other realms after that incident years ago, we’ve been unable to get a handle on them.”

“…so you’re saying you’ve let them get out of hand?”

“No. The Sabbat are like cockroaches - you can’t seem to ever get rid of them entirely. They’ve never been this persistent or problematic since Los Angeles.”

“What happened in Los Angeles?”

“…nothing worth noting, to you.”

“I-“

“All I’m here to do, is inform you that these are not people. They are not reasonable, and they will kill every single person - human or not - that gets in their way.”

“So what are they, exactly, if they’re not human?”

(I’m not sure I really like this idea, but it was involving Magdalene going out of the way to try and p much stop these guys (Special Forces) from just waltzing to their dooms while also investigating the Sabbat instances. I liked the idea of them being aware of the name, but not aware of what they are. I never decided how to finish that up though, hence the dead-end here)

“The fact that we may very well be able to ascertain our own origins is an interesting premise, don’t you think? Poetic, even. We’ve spent so long in the dark, only to realize it was only *this* realm that held us back.”

(I typed this up after Beckett was mentioned in a previous ask - idk if it’s something he would say, but it’s a line of dialogue I kind of like so 🤷‍♀️)

Aaand that’s all I got, for now Anon! 

Sorry it’s not much - it takes me a long time to sorta piece ideas together or some up with a *coherent* plot of any sort 😂 (it’s why my in-progress fanfic is taking… so long….)

i’m juggling so many AU ideas rn, it’s not even funny. Idk how you writer types ever stay organized or on top of ur fics in reasonable order… I just wing it every time and hope for the best, ngl ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

[spaceorphan18]

Fic: Scam School - A Glee/Avengers Crossover Fic

Rating: T Word Count: 11,320 Summary: AU - Something weird starts happening at NYADA - and Kurt finds himself meeting a lot of strange new people.  

A/N: Written for @ckerouac - because we came up with this idea while chatting and couldn’t stop laughing.  This is ridiculous crack fic, and I blame her.  

Let me know what you think!! :D 

Now on AO3 

///

1. The Freshman

Kurt remembers the whole thing started on a Wednesday.  In truth, it probably started long before that - years probably.  He wasn’t entirely sure - but for him, the story started on a Wednesday.  Wednesdays were Blaine’s late nights, so Kurt usually had dinner with Rachel.  He was on his way to meet her when he was nearly run over by a freshman talking on his phone.  

“What do you mean you’re having dinner with Aunt May?  That isn’t part of the plan - no, it’s no, it’s super weird.” Kurt could hear the bits of the conversation from the kid’s end when, unknowingly, the kid slammed into him.  The kid hadn’t been paying attention, and didn’t realize Kurt had crossed his path.  The sheet music Kurt had been carrying went flying, as well as the kid’s phone.  In an instant, the kid did a backflip over his head to catch it.  

Kurt stood there - stunned.  So did the kid.  

“Uh, I have to call you back,” the kid said, shoving his phone in his pocket.  “I’m so sorry. So sorry, I didn’t, uh, I didn’t mean sorry…” Before Kurt could register what had happened, the kid had gathered his sheet music for him and handed it to him.  Kurt was still comprehending that he had done a backflip over his head.  “Are you okay?”

“I think so,” Kurt managed.  “No one’s ever flipped over me before.”  

“Oh, right,” the kid shifted nervously.  “Well, I’m in gymnastics.”

Kurt gave him an odd look.  “I didn’t realize we had gymnastics, is that new?”

“Um, yeah, um,” the kid rubbed his hands together and gave an uncomfortable laugh.  “It’s, um.  I’m taking it for dance.  Because I am a dance major. … I want to be a dancer.”  

“Sure,” Kurt said.  Was it just him, or were the freshman getting weirder?  

The phone in the kid’s pocket rang again, and the kid whacked at it a few times to get it to stop.  Yup, Kurt thought, definitely weirder.  

 “Are you sure you don’t want to get that?” Kurt asked.

“What, no, it’s fine it’s just my--” the kid stopped to think about it.  “It’s just my dad, he really wants to make sure my assignment is going alright.”  

“Your assignment for gymnastics?”

The kid’s mouth dropped a little.  “Yes,” he said slowly.  “And - he’s having lunch with my aunt, which is not supposed to happen because they’re not supposed to be getting along.  That makes all of this -- much more stressful.”

“College?”

“What? Oh, yeah, college.  College is definitely more stressful than I imagined.”  

At that moment, Rachel arrived, so fluttery with excitement that she didn’t even notice the kid there.  “Kurt, you’ll never guess! Remember that secret club I was inducted to over the summer?”

Kurt groaned.  Rachel had only talked about how she was chosen out of a “select few” promising students for this hush-hush group NYADA had.  Kurt figured it was some sort of version of a sorority - only for NYADA students, and probably wasn’t that big of a deal.  At least not to what Rachel was making it out to be.  

“So, what about it?”

“Well - I have an assignment!” she squealed.  “I know I’m not supposed to talk about it - but I have to tell someone cause it’s so. Exciting. I’m going to be a recruiter.  They said I’d be a natural because my loyalty to NYADA is unsurpassed, and over the summer I was able to find only the best new recruits.”  

“For the school?” Kurt and Rachel looked at each other - neither had noticed that the freshman had been standing there the whole time.  “You just said you were recruiting people,” he repeated.  “You mean for the school, right?”

Rachel scrunched her nose.  “Well, what else would I be recruiting people for?”  

The kid pursed his lips and rocked on his heels.  

“I’m sorry, do I know you?”

“Uh, no, I’m uh, I’m Peter Parker.” The kid extended his hand to Rachel.  But Rachel kind of brushed it off.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to listen in, I was just, uh, I’m--”

“Oh, you’re a fan!” Rachel’s eyes lit up.  “You probably saw my work on Broadway.  You probably are wondering what I’m doing back at school, but you know, I thought it best to finish my education and be well rounded before I really take Broadway a storm.  And just you wait - someday you’ll be able to tell people that you’ve met a Tony winner.”

“Oh, I didn’t know Mr. Stark gave out awards.”

“Huh?”

“Nevermind.”  

“Let me get you an autograph.”  

There was an awkward pause as Rachel searched around her backpack for a piece of paper, she settled for an old syllabus, and a sharpie so she could scribble her name on it and give it to the kid, complete with gold star after her name.  

The kid looked at it weirdly before shoving it in her pocket.  “Thanks, Rachelle, big fan.”  

“Rachel,” Rachel corrected automatically.  “Rachel Berry with a gold star.”  

“Yeah, right,” then the kid shot out of there before either could say anything more.  

“Don’t you think that was weird?” Kurt asked.

“Fan encounters are always going to be awkward for both parties,” Rachel said.  “The most important thing is to always be professional - and stay smiling.  See - like this,” Rachel gave her best fake smile.  “All they want is a moment with the star - to bask in the light of something so wondrous, and I can’t blame them for wanting a little piece of it - and there was no one around, so autographs really aren’t that big of a deal when they’re nice…  Anyway, I have to tell you - I think I’ve found a new roommate, he says he’s a foreigner, but that’s okay, right…”  

Kurt decided to let it go as they headed out to dinner.  

---

Later that night, as Kurt and Blaine were getting ready for bed -

“So, the weirdest thing happened today,” Kurt said, pulling down the covers.  “Some freshman did a backflip over my head, and then lied about being a Rachel Berry fan.”

Blaine stared at him blankly for a moment.  “Yeah, I don’t miss going to that school.”  

---

As the weeks went by, Kurt started noticing that the freshman, Peter, was following him around.  He seemed to be everywhere - around the corner after Kurt got out of class, in the cafeteria a table away, showing up for many of the same NYADA performances.  He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was constantly being watched, and the longer it went on, the more Kurt felt like he needed to address it.  However, he made the mistake of instead of dealing with it himself - he mentioned it to Rachel.  

And of course, like usual, Rachel made a much more dramatic scene than she needed to.  The next day at lunch, she noticed that Peter was there, sitting only a table away.  

Indignant, she got up and walked right over.  “Excuse me, Mr. Parker, but you need to stop.”

Peter, who had been listening to his earphones, took them out and looked up at her confused.  “I mean, uh, I thought it was encouraged to listen to music?  At a music school?”  

“No, I meant, you need to stop following my friend around,” Rachel dramatically pointed at Kurt, who sunk lower in his chair.  Sometimes, he wondered why he was friends with her.  “Look, Kurt is a very handsome guy, so I get it - you’re probably just too afraid to tell him how you really feel, but you should know that Kurt is a very happily married man, and you’re really not his type.”

“Oh, god, Rachel stop,” Kurt said as he saw the kid’s face go a mortified red.  

“Oh, no, no no, I, uh,” Peter began to laugh nervously, “no, he’s not my type and that’s not…”

“Oh, is this about me?” Rachel asked.  Kurt groaned.  “Oh, that’s sweet that you’re trying to get closer to me through Kurt, but I’m sorry to let you down, but it’s just not going to work.  See, I’ve heard about you - and heard that while some of your dance moves are passable, and there are rumors about how you are, um, bendy, unfortunately, it’s come to my attention that you cannot sing at all.  And how could I ever date someone who couldn’t sing?  What if we had to sing an emergency duet together at karaoke night.  Imagine how embarrassed I’d be if my partner couldn’t sing.  I would have to sing a solo - and while I’m always up for that challenge, it wouldn’t be fair to the other people who had viable partners…”

“Uh, no,” Peter said, he looked to Kurt, confused, then back at Rachel.  “No, no, this isn’t about you - you’re not really my type either.”

“What?” Rachel was aghast.  Kurt choked down a laugh.  

“No, it’s about--” Peter stopped to think.  “Wait, how do you know I can’t sing?”

Rachel put a hand on her hip.  “Well - I mean, rumors have been flying around for months that you’re failing all your classes.  But, honestly, I can’t tell you how I get all of my secret information.  Just know that we have an eye on you.”

“We?”

“Yes, NYADA - we’re always watching.  And I’m sorry Peter Parker - I don’t think you have what it takes. Honestly,  I don’t think you’ll be with us much longer.”  

Kurt didn’t know why - but just then, Peter shot up out of his seat, as white as a sheet.  

“Shit,” he said, scrambling to put all of his things in his backpack.  “Shit, shit, shit, shit -- uh, I gotta go.”  

And in a flash, Peter Parker flew out of the cafeteria.   Kurt never saw him in the school again.  At least, not as a student.  

2. Rachel’s New Roommate

There was a rapping at the window.  

At first, Kurt didn’t think anything of it.  There seemed to be a bird, a raven by the looks of it, tapping persistently on the windowsill outside his kitchen.  Birds perched there all the time, and it wasn’t that unusual.  He had never seen a raven there before, however, and in fact, he wasn’t sure that any lived in the city.   He would have ignored it, but the raven kept pecking at the window - to the point where Kurt was about to throttle it.  When he went to the window to shoo it away, he saw that the raven had a piece of paper in his mouth.  He opened the window - and the raven dropped off the folded piece of paper and flew away.  

Kurt was shocked to find the note was addressed to him, and when he unfolded it, he found that it was an invitation for a dinner party at Rachel’s that night.  

Blaine came in the room to find Kurt staring at the paper.  “Are you okay?”

“A raven just dropped off a dinner invitation to Rachel’s,” Kurt said.  

Blaine gave him a strange look.  “Sure it did.”  

“It did, it was right here,” Kurt said pointing to the open window.  

“Yeah, because Rachel knows how to send a carrier raven,” Blaine said with a laugh.  

There was a ping from Kurt’s phone - a text from Rachel.  “She wants to know if we’re free tonight for dinner.”

“So, she sent a raven and a text?” Blaine laughed.  “Should we expect a singing telegram next?”

“I swear this note came from a raven,” Kurt said, exasperated.  “Whatever, she wants us to meet her new roommate.”

“Yeah, I don’t know if I’m going to go,” Blaine said.  “Cooper’s in town, and he wants me to meet him uptown for--”

Ping.  “Oh, my god,” Kurt had received another message - this one of a selfie with her and her roommate.  Her very good looking roommate, who had long, blond hair, and was built like a tank, and looked like he should be shirtless on the front of one of those romance novels Carole read. “Rachel sent us a picture of her new roommate.”  Kurt showed the selfie to Blaine.  

Blaine’s jaw dropped a little.  “You know, Cooper can wait.”  

Later that evening, they arrived at Rachel’s apartment.  Rachel answered the door, a giddy bounce in her step.  Behind her, in the living room, was the same towering and handsome man, dressed as though he were headed to a renaissance festival, attempting to balance a very large hammer on one finger.  Rachel ushered them in, eager to introduce them to her new roommate.

The guy flipped his hammer, then caught it magnificently before coming to the door.  “Ah, Rachel, are these the minstrels you ordered.”  

“Hey,” Kurt said.  He didn’t care how pretty this man was, he was no minstrel.

“No, silly,” Rachel said, clinging on to his bulging bicep.  “These are my friends - Kurt, Blaine, this is Thor Odinson, my new roommate.”

“Thor?” Blaine asked.  “As in the god of thunder?”

“Pfft,” Rachel laughed.  “That’s Zeus, c’mon.”  

“Ha!” Thor threw his head back.  “Zeus is only half the thunder god as I am.  So,” Thor clapped his hands together in a thunderous boom.  “Shall we have dinner, or would you like to watch more of those funny little people in the box?” He asked - pointing to the TV.  

Kurt and Blaine exchanged odd looks - the first of many times throughout the evening.  

Rachel, Kurt and Blaine took their places at the table, as Thor went into the kitchen.  A few minutes later, he returned carrying a very large platter with a whole pig and garnishings on it.  

“For the occasion of Rachel’s guests, I have prepared for you a traditional Asgardian sacrificial boar,” Thor said, placing the platter in the middle of the table.  It took up most of the space, and they had to move their dishes close to the edge of the table for it to fit.  “Well, not quite in the ceremonial tradition of Asgard, but I did what I could.  Alas, I am only a mighty warrior - ah what I’d give to have a chef worthy of royalty.  I suppose my basic knowledge will have to do.”

Rachel grimaced.  “Oh, that’s what you’ve been making?  I’m sorry, Thor, I don’t eat meat.”  

“What do you mean you don’t eat meat?” Thor’s easy grin dropped into a look of anger.  “This was sacrificed to my father.  It would be an insult not to eat it.”

Kurt and Blaine decided not to say a word.  Even Rachel looked a little uncomfortable.  “Well, maybe I’ll have some of this salad that you’ve put underneath…”

Thor slapped her hand away.  “You should not touch that - it is poisonous to Midgardians.”

“Then why’s it there?” Rachel asked.  

“To make the sacrificial boar look more appetizing. Does it not?”

Kurt and Blaine hurriedly took some of the boar, while Rachel reluctantly put some potatoes and carrots on her plate.  

“So, um, Mr. Odinson, what brings you to New York?” Kurt asked.  

Thor began to laugh as he shoved an entire leg of boar into his mouth.  “Mr. Odinson.  Ha! Please call me Thor.  Why am I in New York? Oh, to see the sights.  The last time I was in New York, I managed to knock half of it down - and I was quite interested seeing how the rebuilding was going.”  

“Are you working?” Kurt asked - losing his appetite just by watching Thor grotesquely eat.  

“I’m on a bit of a holiday, if I am honest with you,” Thor said.  Then set his meat down solemnly.  “I would have preferred to stay with my girlfriend-- well, I suppose ex-girlfriend. Mutual dumping, Jane Foster and I. But she won’t return any of my ravens.  So I am moving on from that loss.  It is really her loss.  I am beautiful and a catch.”  

Kurt’s jaw dropped, not quite sure how to respond.  

Rachel, however, somewhat oblivious to how weird Thor was, took the conversation in another direction.  “Blaine, you said your brother was in town last time we talked? What’s he up to?”

“Oh, you know, Coop,” Blaine said.  “There’s some kind of film he wants to do that has lots of explosions.  He might be playing a superhero.  I haven’t asked.”

“A superhero!” Thor was delighted at the thought.  “Your brother is a superhero? Would I know his name?”

“N-no,” Blaine said shaking his head.  “He’s an actor, who thinks he wants to be a superhero.”  

“Well, if he ever would like superhero lessons, I am for hire,” Thor said - and took another huge bite of boar.  

Blaine was left a little speechless.  “I’ll, um, pass that along.  Anyway, I’d rather be here - just having dinner with him can be a challenge.”  

“Trouble with your brother, then?” Thor said - trying to give a sympathetic look, but not quite making it..  “I understand.  I am very close to my brother, though he has tried to kill me four times.  But each time I forgive him, and hoped that he changed for good.  We used to have the best adventures.  Oh, there was this one time that he accidentally sold my hammer to an ogre.  And in order to get it back, I had to dress as a fair maiden and pretend to marry the ogre to get it back.  I made Loki be my handmaiden.  He does look delightful in traditional ogre wedding garb. Unfortunately, though, that was the last time I was in Jotunheim.  I do believe that marriage is still valid there, even if it’s been 800 years.”

Kurt had plenty of questions.  But before he could ask any of them - Rachel let out a shriek.  

“I think there’s something in the window!” she pointed across the room to the window, where it looked like there was a shadow of a man hanging upside down.  Kurt went to stand up, but Thor waved him off.  

“I shall go seek out this intruder,” Thor said, grabbing his hammer and heading to the window.  

While Thor opened the window to peer out, Kurt leaned in to hiss at Rachel.  “Rachel, seriously, where did you find this guy?  He really thinks he’s Thor.”

“So?” Rachel said - not sure what the big deal was.  “He paid in real Asgardian coin.”

“That’s insane!”  

“You have a friend named Starchild - is Thor really weirder than Starchild?”

“Ah, a Midgardian named Starchild?” Thor said, coming to sit back down.  “Does his origins come from one of the other nine realms?”

Kurt gave Rachel an incredulous look.  

Rachel ignored him.  “Thor, what was at the window?”

“Oh nothing really,” Thor said, glancing around the room.  “Just a bug.  A very big bug.  A scary spider, actually.  Do not worry, I have eradicated the spider.  I’m sure you won’t be having any more pest problems.”

“Thank you, Thor, that is very helpful,” Rachel said.  “So, I have some news - you know how Carmen Tibideaux retired at the beginning of the year?”

“Yeah, I heard she was forced into retirement, actually,” Kurt said.  

“I don’t know about that,” Rachel said, “but I do know who the board is looking to replace her.” She paused for dramatic effect.  “Cassie July.”

“Ha!” Thor slammed his fist on the table.   “I know that one. July, a month, representative of your beloved dictator Julius Caesar.  There have been many plays in his honor.  Must have been a mighty fine man to get a whole month named after him.  I only have a single day.  You are looking at me funny.  I assume you all know of Thor’s Day.  It is the fifth day of your week.  Yes, right, carry on.”  

Kurt, not even knowing how to deal with Thor, ignored him and got back to Rachel’s gossip.  “Rachel, what have you been smoking? No one in their right mind would give Cassie July the dean position.”

“Well, everyone in my secret NYADA group says they have contacts with the board, and they’ll be making the announcement soon.”

“NYADA has secret groups now?” Blaine asked, unimpressed.  

“NYADA’s always had secret groups,” Rachel snapped, “and I really shouldn’t be talking about it.”

“Please, Rachel,” Thor encouraged - maybe a little too diligently.  “Enlighten us more of these secret meetings.  I promise you that I am the best confident, and will not share said secret meetings with any higher intelligence agencies.”  

“Um, well--”

There was an unexpected knock on the door.  Rachel, clearly confused because they were not expecting any other guests, got up to answer it.  It was a nervous looking, middle-aged man with dark curly hair and glasses.  “Um, hello?” Rachel said.  

“Uh, hi, I’m looking for--”

“Dr. Banner!” Thor shot up from the table, and headed to the door, giving the middle-aged man a huge bear hug.  “Rachel, this is Dr. Banner.  He’s the one I have a drawing of in my room.  He is a friend from work and a friend of the heart.”

“That’s lovely, Thor,” said Dr. Banner, though he didn’t seem as thrilled to see Thor as Thor was of him.  

“Dr. Banner, are you alright?” Thor asked - concerned.   “You are looking a little green.  Ha! Green, get it?  Well, I suppose no one wants you to be green in this tiny space.”  

“Thor, we need you to come in for a, uh,” Dr. Banner looked around at Rachel, Kurt and Blaine, “uh, a work meeting.”  

“But I am having a feast with my new roommate and her minstrels.”  

“It’s urgent.”  

“Alright then, let me just get my hammer,” At that, Thor held out his hand, and his hammer flew into his palm.  “I apologize my dear lady, but I must leave.  Please enjoy the ceremonial sacrificial boar without me.  It was an experience meeting you all.  Good evening.”  With that Thor and his friend left, with a resounding slam of the door.  

“Um, Rach…”

Rachel turned around and squealed.  “Isn’t he just the best?”  

3. The Dance of the Widow

Rachel ended up being right, Cassie July did get promoted to dean of the college.  Kurt expected some huge changes to NYADA’s ways - but for a week or two, nothing really happened.  Then, one Monday, he came in and noticed that some of the staff had changed out - something odd to happen in the middle of the semester.  A tough looking dude was now teaching Rachel’s dance classes - Rachel wouldn’t shut up about how the guy seemed hot, though obviously not as hot as her new, weird roommate - but didn’t seem to know much about dancing.  He said their new assignment was freestyle, and they could basically now do whatever they wanted.  

Meanwhile, Kurt had a new advanced stage combat teacher.  Her age was hard to determine, though Kurt really doubted she was that much older than they were.  She wore her bright red hair up in a bun, and wore a black spandex onesie.  Some of the guys were chuckling as she walked in, but the woman looked too intense to mess with.  

“Hello, My name is Natasha Romanoff,” she said in a practiced calm voice.  “You can call me Ms. Romanoff.”

“What if we just wanna call you Natasha?” One of the guys standing next to Kurt joked.  

“Then I make sure that you never walk again,” Ms. Romanoff said unflinchingly.  “So this is advanced stage combat.  I assume, then, that you are familiar with basic hand to hand combat?”

“We’ve been working with staffs,” someone up front said.  

“Ah, props, cute,” Ms. Romanoff said.  “But not really handy in everyday practice.  Let’s see how you guys are with your hands.”

“I’ll show you how good I am with my hands,” said the same guy who had heckled her earlier.  Kurt took a step away as Ms. Romanoff came in close to him.  

“I guess we have a cocky one here,” Ms. Romanoff smirked. ��“Well, let’s see what you’ve got.  Hit me.”  

“Seriously?” the guy looked at the crowd, wanting support.  Kurt didn’t even know how this was going to play out.  But this guy had been an ass for most of their time at NYADA - so Kurt wouldn’t mind if he was taken down a peg.  “I’m not hitting no girl.”

“Ooh, are we really playing the girl card?” Ms. Romanoff said, with a tilt of her head.  Then bam! She sucker punched him in the face.  There was a loud crack as his nose probably broke.  The guy let out a loud scream of agony, then threw his arm wildly around to hit her.  In a second, Ms. Romanoff grabbed his arm and twirled him around - then forced him down to the floor, pinning both his arms behind him.  “You have to learn how to really fight if you want the fake fighting to seem real.  C’mon you babies, pair off.  Time to take you back to basics.”

---

The class ended up being relentless, and Kurt was incredibly sore the next day.  He wasn’t sure if he could put himself through the same rigorous training a second day in a row.  But he showed up, early in fact, more afraid of what Ms. Romanoff would do if he wasn’t there.  When he got there, the door was ajar.  Ms. Romanoff was sitting on the desk, her back to the door, while the new dance teacher sat at the desk eating what looked like a sub sandwich.  

“I’m not sure what you’re worried about, Nat,” the new teacher said with his mouthful. “I don’t think Fury has his info right, these kids seem harmless.”  

“I seemed harmless, too, Clint,” Ms. Romanoff said.  “Back when I was their age.”

“I highly doubt that,” he said.  Ms. Romanoff punched his shoulder.  The guy let out a yelp and rubbed it.  

“How are you enjoying dance class?” Ms. Romanoff asked.  

“Oh, you know, just teaching them all of my killer dance moves,” he said, he had another bite, and half the toppings spilled out the back and onto his shirt.  

Ms. Romanoff laughed.  “Man, you are a lame-ass dad now.  I can’t believe they have you teaching dance.”  

“Like you could do any better?”

“Advanced combat is not my only skill, Clint.  You know that.”  Ms. Romanoff leaped off the desk.  Then positioned herself like a perfect ballerina.  She stood completely on her toes, impressive since she was wearing boots, did a few graceful spins, then launched into a series of flips and tricks around the room - and with a graceful hop landed back on the desk.  

Clint, unpressed, picked a tomato off his shirt and ate it.  “Yeah, I’m guessing those kids are better off with me teaching them how to shimmie.”  

Kurt was so in awe of what he just witnessed, he didn’t realize he was blocking the door for the other students.  

“C’mon, Hummel, outta the way,” one of the guys yelled.  

Kurt quickly opened the door and went in.  Both Ms. Romanoff and Clint’s eyes, for a moment fixated on him.  But luckily, nothing further happened, and class went on as usual.

---

After class, Rachel was waiting for him.  She pulled him aside, and down an empty hallway.  “So, our secret society meeting was this morning,” she said.  “And they gave us something.  I’m not really supposed to tell anyone, but I think it’s kind of cool, and I can’t not tell my best friend, so check this out!” She handed him a small patch.  “We got Octopus Patches! I think they’re supposed to go with these varsity jackets we got last week, but we were told not to wear them.  Or the patches.  But my secret society has a mascot.  How cool!”

Kurt looked at the patch.  Something was definitely off about it.  “Rachel, this doesn’t look like an octopus.  I’m pretty sure that’s a skull.”

“Okay, so it’s a little creepy,” Rachel admitted.  “But who cares.  This is a symbol that I’m apart of the most exclusive society in this school.  Apparently, they have connections.  I could be headed straight for another role on Broadway.  Or maybe even something better?”

“Something better?” Kurt asked, concerned.  

“I don’t know,” Rachel said.  “But every time I go to one of these meetings, I feel inspired to go out there, and recruit more people to our ranks.  You know, I’m their best recruiter - that’s why I got the patch today.”

“Doesn’t any of this seem a little weird to you?” Kurt asked.  “I mean, does this group even have a name?”

Rachel thought it over. “I think so - but I’m blanking on it at the moment.  It doesn’t matter - Kurt you’re worrying too much.  And that is why you’re not allowed in the society.”

“Darn,” Kurt said.  

Ms. Romanoff and the new dance teacher rounded the corner.  Rachel immediately stowed the patch away in her bag, and smiled brightly as the two teachers walked by.  Ms. Romanoff’s cold stare lingered on them for a moment as they passed.

“I shouldn’t worry?” Kurt said, with a raised eyebrow.

“What?” Rachel asked innocently.  “It’s supposed to be secret.”  

---

By the end of the week, advanced combat class had kicked Kurt’s ass.  When he got home on Friday, all he wanted to do was lay in bed and not move.  He hadn’t made it past the couch when Blaine got home.  

“Long day?” Blaine asked, dropping his bag at the door.

“More like, long week,” Kurt said.  “Stage combat has become like a mini-drill camp.”  Kurt stretched his arms out and yawned.  

Blaine gave him a concerned look, and joined him on the couch.  “Kurt are you okay?” he lifted Kurt’s shirt to expose a large, purple bruise on his side.”  

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Kurt said, letting Blaine take off his shirt so he could inspect the other bruises.  

“You don’t look fine,” Blaine said.  He turned Kurt a little so he could get at Kurt’s shoulders, and began to rub.  “Let me take care of you a bit.”  

“Oh you don’t have to--ooh, damn that feels good.”  Blaine’s hands had always been like magic.  

“Just relax, Kurt,” Blaine said, giving Kurt’s shoulders a deep massage.  “Maybe we can just skip dinner and enjoy a nice bath.”

Kurt let out a little laugh.  “Really?  My broken and sore body is doing something for you.”

“It’s not that,” Blaine said, though when Kurt turned his head he saw that Blaine’s eyes had gone dark.  “It’s just the thought of you -- getting worked up and sweaty, taking on all those other guys.  It’s pretty hot.”  

Blaine’s hands began to roam lower.  Kurt gave in and went limp in Blaine’s arms.  “You’re right, forget dinner.  Take me to bed, Blaine!”

---

On Monday, he returned to school feeling quite refreshed.  He was all set and ready to go into his voice lesson when Ms. Romanoff stopped him in the hall.

“Mr. Hummel, if you could please come with me for a moment, don’t worry - your lesson professor knows I’m meeting with you.”

Kurt wasn’t sure what that meant - but he followed her down a hall and into a tiny room he wasn’t sure he had seen before.  There was enough room for a table and a chair on either side of it.  There were no windows.  Ms. Romanoff locked the door behind them.  

“Mr. Hummel, if you could please have a seat.”

Kurt nervously slid into the chair.  “Am I in trouble?”  

“No,” she said She gave a friendly smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.  “Don’t be alarmed, I am conducting interviews with all of my students.  It’s a way for me to - get to know them better.  I promise this shouldn’t take more than five minutes.”

“Okay…”

Ms. Romanoff took out a pad of paper and a pencil and wrote a few things down before asking her first question.  “How long have you been at NYADA?”  

“Four years,” Kurt said.  “Well, technically three and a half, but I’m a senior.  I still plan to graduate in the spring.”

She nodded.  “And what are your future plans?”

“Same thing as pretty much everyone else here,” Kurt said.  “To be a performer.”

“That all?” She was searching him for something - but Kurt wasn’t sure what.

“Well, if I’m really being bold - I would like to have my own fashion line as well,” Kurt said.  “I’ve already got a name for it -- Hummel Brag.”

Ms. Romanoff leaned back - clearly that was not the answer she had been expecting. “Well, that’s definitely a name.  Okay - well, is there anything else? Many students have aspirations that they want to own their own production company or theater.  Most of them have stated they wanted to win a Tony.  What about you?”

Well - of course he had thought about all of that.  But he was also a realist. “Maybe.  I think I’d just like to get a starring role, first.”

“Huh,” She stared at him for a long time before writing something down on her pad.  “This might seem like a strange question but - have you noticed, maybe, anything unusual going on around here lately?”

“It’s a drama school,” Kurt said.  “Everything around here is unusual.”

Ms. Romanoff gave a little smirk.  “Okay more unusual than normal.”  

Kurt sat back and thought about it.  “Not really?  I mean, a couple of weeks ago, a kid backflipped over my head.  That was a little odd.”  Ms. Romanoff nodded, not seeming too concerned.  “And, you know, this whole thing with Cassie July becoming dean.  Didn’t really see that coming.”

“No?” Ms. Romanoff asked.  “Doesn’t seem the type.”

“Well, I never had her as a teacher,” Kurt admitted.  “Most of what I know comes from Youtube and Wikipedia.  But she seems a bit hostile when provoked, and not particularly good with kid.”

“Really?”

“I guess I wouldn’t know firsthand,” Kurt said.  “But my roommate, Rachel.  God - they were, like, at war with each other for awhile there.”

“Rachel,” Ms. Romanoff tapped her pen on her pad.  “Would this be Rachel Berry?”

“Yes.”

“Can you tell me a little about her?”

“Um, well, I mean, she’s a diva,” Kurt said - not sure what exactly was and wasn’t appropriate to say.  “But she means well.  Oh! And talk about weird, she has this new roommate who thinks he’s Thor.  Like THE Thor from Asgard and everything.  I’ve seen some extreme roleplaying before but this is a little crazy.”

Ms. Romanoff’s eyes went wide.  “Well, I’m not one to judge anyone’s lifestyle.  Now, what else can you tell me about Ms. Berry?”

“She’s ambitious - cutthroat, really,” Kurt said.  For some reason, Ms. Romanoff seemed incredibly interested in this.  “But she’s easy to handle if you know how. Back in high school she sent a girl to a crack house because she was afraid of losing her place as lead vocalist.”

“Interesting, interesting,” Ms. Romanoff repeated softly.  “Would you say she was willing to kill for a role?” There was a weird look in Ms. Romanoff’s eyes.

“I think most people here would,” Kurt said.  

“True,” Ms. Romanoff said.  “Well, Kurt if there’s anything weird around here, if you would let me know, I would very much appreciate it.”

“Sure,” Kurt said.  “So I’m free to go?”

“Of course.”

As Kurt stood up, something occurred to him.  “Oh, there is one strange thing, well to me at least.  Maybe you’re already familiar with it.  But Rachel says she’s part of a secret society here?”

“A secret society?”

“Yeah, I don’t know anything about it - other than Rachel claims she can’t talk about it, and that they have a really morbid octopus mascot.”

“Well, I think I’ll have to ask Ms. Berry about this.”

“Please don’t say that I told you,” Kurt said quickly.  “I don’t want her to get upset.”  

“Don’t worry, Mr. Hummel,” Ms. Romanoff said, unlocking the door.  “Your secret is safe with me.  Thank you for your time - and have a lovely day.”  

4. A Strange Conversation

Kurt thought that after that whole, weird conversation with Ms. Romanoff, things might actually start going back to normal.  That did not happen.  In fact, things get weirder.  Soon, the entire staff was rotating through.  At first, Kurt thought it might have been Cassie July’s doing.  But as far as he could tell, Cassie July wasn’t doing much of anything except yelling at freshman about getting her lattes on time.  The school seemed to be on a strange lockdown.  And the new teachers who came in were acting as if nothing odd was happening at all.  On top of that - he wasn’t sure if this new staff new what they were doing.

Kurt’s set design class had two teachers.  A Mr. Wilson and a Mr. Rhodes.  He wasn’t sure why there were two of them - but he was pretty sure that together, their combined knowledge of set design was pretty slim.  

“Alright, all you munchkins listen up,” Mr. Wilson said.  “I was given this sheet of paper to go off of, but since I don’t understand half of it - here’s what we’re gonna do.  We’re going to get practical.  So.  From what I understand - that pile of books over there are actually plays.  I’m gonna have each one of you pick a play, and then you are going to design a set for me.  

“What, no!” Mr. Rhodes interjected.  “That’s just a stupid idea, and not what we talked about.  We’re going to choose one play, and then they can all work on one project.  An work as a team - because a set designer is going to have to work well with others.”

Mr. Wilson didn’t take to his ideas being called stupid.  “Well.  What about individual creativity?  And how will we know which one is the best.”  

“And why would we need to know which one is best?”

“Well, how else is the director going to decide which tree he likes best?”

“You are an idiot.”

“Of all the people I could have been stuck with - it had to be you.”

“Oh don’t think I’m happy about this either.  You are the reason I can’t walk!”

“I hate you.”

---

Kurt was half convinced his new vocal coach was some sort of android.  On their first meeting, Kurt arrived early, and the tall, slender man, who went by the name of Mr. Jarvis, appeared to walk through the door.  Literally.  Through the closed door.  Though he tried to deny it.  

“My apologies, Mr. Hummel,” Mr. Jarvis said.  “You are perhaps seeing things.  Of course I did not walk through the door.  How could I possibly do that.  Now, you said you had an aria prepared?”

Kurt did - and even after months practicing it, he still had a hard time getting through it.  It didn’t help that this new Mr. Jarvis had a completely blank expression on his face the whole time.  Even when Kurt belted out the last few notes perfectly, Mr. Jarvis remained unmoved.  

“Oh, it is done now,” Mr. Jarvis said.  “I suppose you would like commentary on how to make it better.”

“Well, that is what we usually do,” Kurt said.

“I see,” Mr. Jarvis said.  “Well, you were flat on 37% of your notes, and sharp on all the others.  You managed to only hit three correctly.  The music seemed to deviate in time.  You started at a brisk 120 beats per minute and ended at 114 beats per minute, fluctuating throughout the piece.  I’m not sure you understand what a whole note is, since you were always an average of .295 of a second too short.  And I’m not sure you understand phrasing - though it’s hard when the original Italian lyrics don’t match up that well with the melody.”  

“Well, why don’t you sing it then,” Kurt mumble.  

Apparently, Mr. Jarvis did not understand sarcasm, because he simply said ‘okay’ and proceeded to the aria himself -- and it was as if autotune met with a songwriting computer program.  Technically, it was perfect, but it sounded awful.  And how was Mr. Jarvis able to make his voice sound like an 8-bit video game?

---

A man named T’Challa was filling in for their acting coach.  He had the entire class push the chairs to the back of the room, and then they all sat around him in a circle on the floor.  He had them cross their legs, and close their eyes, as if it were a yoga class and not acting.  

“It is not the words on the page that change you,” T’Challa said.  His voice was calm, soothing, and almost like going into a trance.  Kurt wasn’t sure he really understood what the man was saying, but there was something comforting in his voice.  “It is gaining control of what is inside you that matters.  So yes, please, take a deep look inward.  Who is that you are trying to be? Who is it that you are? What is the emotion that you are trying to latch on to.  Let everything go dark, and quiet, and then focus -- focus on that one thing and channel it.  Is it anger? Is it pride? Is it love or laughter? It can be whatever emotion you want it to be.  It is in you - and all you have to do is focus and reach for it.  Then - once you have it, harness it, control it, hold on to it until it’s ready to erupt from you! You are never just yourself.  You are everyone at all times.  And all you have to do is connect…”

---

Kurt was feeling a bit lightheaded and not all that sure of reality by the time he got to his music history class.  And just like every other one that day - there was a new professor there.  Kurt sat near the front, trying hard to stay awake but he was finding it hard to do so.  

“Hello, class,” the man with a gentle voice said.  “I am Mr. Rogers. And today, you’ll be in my neighborhood.”  He smiled a toothy grin.

The class wasn’t quite sure what to think of this guy, a few people chuckled nervously.  Kurt thought there was something oddly familiar about the guy - but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.  

“Today, we’ll be going over popular American music from the 1940s,” Mr. Rogers said, and clicked on a slide of a man and a woman in 40s attire doing a swing dance.  “Ah, the big band music of the 40s.  This brings me back.  You know, we didn’t have an of these fancy electronic instruments back then.  Just some good ole brass and a broad you wanted to swing with.  Now, if I could just work this machine over here - I could probably play you some of my favorite Duke Ellington records.”

As he tried to get the stereo to work, it hit Kurt why the guy seemed familiar.  “Hey, has anyone ever told you that you look like Captain America?”

Mr. Rogers laughed nervously.  “Why young man, I think you’re mistaken.  Are you feeling okay?  You look a little ghostly.”

Well, Kurt always looked a little ghostly, but he wasn’t sure he was feeling well at all, and excused himself from class.  Mr. Rogers referred him to the nurse on the first floor.  

---

Kurt had been in the NYADA building a hundred times, and he never knew that there was a nurse’s station located on the first floor.  He didn’t even think colleges had nurses stations.  Or maybe he was mistaken and he really was losing touch with reality.

Entered the room not to find a kindly old lady as he expected, but a tall man, a bit gray around the ears, and wearing yellow gloves and a red cape, flipping through some folders.

The man froze upon Kurt entering but did not turn around right away.  

“Can I help you?” the man said in a commanding voice.  

“I think I need to see a nurse?”

“Do I look like a nurse?”

“No, actually you look like you walked out of a sci-fi convention,” Kurt sat on a chair.  When would the weirdness of this day end?

The man spun on his heal, a sour look on his odd face.  “I am Strange.”

“Good call, the cape was a dead giveaway.”

“I meant that my name is Dr. Strange,” the man said in a measured tone.  

“Don’t you think the cape is a bit dramatic?”

“Is it so out of place at a school for the dramatic arts?”

Touche, Kurt thought.  He had once come to school in a corset.  

“Is there a reason you are here? I am quite busy.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’m in touch with reality anymore.”  

The man came in close, too close, and then shined some sort of weird light into his eyes.  “Well, you are not concussed.  Maybe you’ve spent so much time pretending to be in other worlds that it’s beginning to distort your own.  Then again, what is reality really?”

“What?”

“I suggest you lie down and have a long nap.  You’ll be fine in the morning.”  

There was a sudden flash of gold light, then he was gone.  

“Oh, okay…”  

---

“Hey, Blaine?” Kurt said.  They were both in bed, but Kurt was having a hard time sleeping.  

“Muphf,” Blaine wasn’t entirely conscious.  

“I think the Avengers are taking over the school.”

Blaine turned in the bed.  “Wha--?”

“I think Captain America is teaching my music history class.”

“Yeah, and I’m sure Wolverine is my art teacher.”

“I’m being serious!”

“If you think he’s hot - that’s fine, Kurt, you don’t have to turn it into a celebrity thing.”

“No, Blaine - something weird is going on at NYADA.”

“Kurt,” Blaine groaned.  It was obvious he was now awake and not happy.  “Nothing unusual is happening.  The Avengers aren’t taking over NYADA.  And Charles Xavier is not setting up a branch for his gifted students at NYU.  And congrats on having a hot music history teacher for a change.  Can you go to bed now?”

Blaine turned on his side again.  Kurt got out of bed and poured himself a glass of whisky.

5. Phantom of the Opera

Kurt you have to come quickly!!!

The text was from Rachel, and she wanted to meet him at her apartment.  Rachel was always sending urgent texts like that, so Kurt didn’t necessarily take them as seriously as he used to.  Still, Kurt was over at her place first thing in the morning.  

Rachel was there, pacing in her living room.  Thor was there, too trying to calm her down.  

“If you would just speak of what makes you ill, m’lady, perhaps I can do something to help,” he was saying.

“But, I don’t know if you can -- I don’t know… oh Kurt!” Rachel ran to him and threw her arms around him.  He could only imagine what was going on.

“Rachel, it’s Sunday, I had a rough week - and I really wanted to sleep in,” Kurt said.  “What is going on.”  

“So, Kurt, you know how I like to practice at every free moment that I get?” Rachel said.  “Well, I went to use one of the practice rooms yesterday.  For some reason, they wouldn’t let me use the auditorium, and apparently, all of the pianos are being tuned in the dance room, and all the practice rooms were being fumigated for bugs.  Well - I was not about to come back home and sing - not after that jerk Kyle called the cops on me last time.”

“I have met Kyle,” Thor interjected.  “And I can confirm that he is as the lady says - a jerk.”

“Anyway, so I decided to go down to the basement.”

“Oh, god, Rachel, why?” Kurt moaned.  

“Because there’s a practice auditorium down there,” Rachel said. “And I know I shouldn’t have gone down there - I’ve heard all the stories, but I needed my space.  There’s rumor that they’re looking for a new Elphaba, and of course I could play that role, so I needed to practice to guarantee that I get it.”

“I do not know this singing play of which you speak,” Thor interjected.  “But I assume that you will be the right part.”

“Thank you, Thor,” Rachel said.  “At least someone understands my Wicked talent.”

“How can talent be wicked?”

They both ignored him.  

“Anyway,” Rachel continued.  “So, there I was, practicing in the candlelight.  Well, not the literal candlelight - the chandelier has electric bulbs.  But anyway, I’m signing away when I saw it.  I saw -- HIM.”

Rachel paused for dramatic effect.  

“Okay, who is him?” Kurt asked.  

“I don’t know!” Rachel threw her hands up.  “He was dark, and scary, and I’m pretty sure he was wearing a mask.  He didn’t look right at all, and he was hiding behind the curtains and when I saw him, I screamed.”

“Oh my god, Rachel!” Kurt said.  “Are you sure you saw a guy there?  Was he disfigured? Would you consider him a phantom?  Did you knock him out with the chandelier?”

“Okay, now you’re making fun of me, but it was really scary!” Rachel said.  

“Was this phantom corporeal?” Thor asked.  “Would I be able to hit him with my hammer?”

“It was probably just a janitor,” Kurt said, though less sure now than he would have been with all the strange things at the school going on.  “You probably scared him, too.”

“Doubtful,” Rachel said.  “Well, I did what any sensible young woman would do.  I knocked him in the head with one of the paint cans lying around and ran out of there.  And then I called you, cause what if I hurt him.”

“And now you’re concerned about the phanom?” Because Rachel would.

“Would it make you feel better to investigate this phantom?” Thor asked.  

Rachel threw herself at Thor, hugging him tightly.  “Yes, we should go back and get the phantom.”

“Let us go then!” Thor raised his hammer.  

“Rachel, seriously?” Kurt rolled his eyes.  

“Oh, are you not coming now?”

Kurt groaned reluctantly.  “No, I’ll go.”

Not much later, Kurt found himself with Rachel and Thor, sneaking back into a closed NYADA building.  Rachel, apparently, had keys.  

“Where did you even get those?” Kurt asked.

“My secret society gave them to me,” Rachel said.  “Just in case.”

“Just in case of what?”

“Is this your secret octopus society?’ Thor asked.  

“You told him?” Kurt asked.  “You swore me to secrecy.”

“Yes, of course I told him,” Rachel hissed.  “He is my friend, and quite frankly, he’s been more of a friend than you have lately.”  

“Oh, god, Rachel…”

“Not to be a burden, but is there a place in this building where I can go relieve myself,” Thor asked once they were inside.  “It was a long subway ride.”

“It’s down the hall, to the left,” Rachel said.  

A good five minutes passed, and Thor had not returned.  “Do you think we should go get him?” Kurt asked.

“No, I’m sure he’s fine,” Rachel said - then headed towards the back staircase.  

“What are you doing, Rach?” Kurt called after her.  

“I’m going to go see that phanom,” Rachel threw behind her shoulder.  

“Don’t you want to wait for Thor and his giant hammer?”  

“I’m sure he can find us.”  

Kurt stood there for a moment, torn between following Rachel and waiting for Thor.  But knowing Rachel would probably get herself in more trouble than it’s worth - he decided to follow her.

Kurt had only been in the basement once, and that had been years ago when he was given a tour when he first arrived.  Even though it was the middle of a bright, sunny day, descending into the basement gave him the creeps.  There wasn’t much down there, save for a few rooms filled with old and broken equipment, and a very large open space that had a stage and some chairs in front of it.  Even with Rachel turning on all the lights as they went, something about all the dust and the decay made him want to go right back up the stairs.  Still - he followed Rachel right up to the stage.

“Oh my god,” Rachel gasped.  

Kurt couldn’t believe his eyes.  The chandelier, somehow, had fallen, and there was broken glass and plastic everywhere.  “Are you sure it was a paint can you threw at him?”

Rachel jumped on stage, then helped Kurt up.  “This was completely intact when I left.  Something must have happened.”  

Rachel meandered towards stage left as Kurt continued to look at the broken chandelier.  He shifted the mess around with his foot, and noticed something odd.  A dark casing of some sort.  It kind of looked like - oh god.

“Phantom!” Rachel screamed.  “Phandom come out, we know you’re down here.  And we have back up, so you better show your ugly face.”

“Rachel stop yelling,” Kurt screeched at her.  He was pretty sure there were bullet casings on the floor with the rest of the mess.  Rachel, however, continued to beat at the curtains.  Kurt, however, went to stage right, and noticed some tears in the fabric.  Were these bullet holes? No - there couldn’t have been a shoot out at NYADA.  It’d be on the news. There’d be people swarming around.  This was all some sort of weird play thing that was going on, right?

Kurt moved the curtain around, and was met with a horrifying sight.  There was a man hiding back there.  Kurt froze, unable to say or do anything he was so in shock.  The man was much bigger than him, with dark hair and dark eyes and, yup, that was a mask.  But what made it oh, so much worse was that the man had an assault rifle and what looked like a metal arm.  The man’s dead eyes stared at him back, and he slowly brought a single finger to his lips.  Not a word.  Got it.  Not a problem, really, because Kurt couldn’t speak at all.  All Kurt could think about was the fact that he might die - right here, right now.  But the man didn’t seem to make any movement.  Only kept staring at him with those dead eyes.  

Rachel’s voice broke him out of the trance.  “Kurt! I’m not finding anything.  Kurt, where’d you go.”  

Kurt, able to move again, flew out from behind the curtain.  “Rachel, we’ve got to go.  Now!”

“What are you talking about?  We haven’t figured out what happened.”  

Kurt grabbed onto Rachel’s wrist and started dragging her back towards the stairs.  “Rachel, I swear to god, we have got to find Thor then get the hell out of here.”

“Kurt? Kurt! Ow, c’mon, you’re hurting me.  Kurt what’s going on?”

“It’s your phantom,” Kurt said when they reached the stairs.  “He’s real.”

6. Graduating from Stark Industries

Kurt and Rachel raced up the steps, but before they could catch their breaths at the top, they were met with an entirely different scene than they left.  The lobby was now full of people, many of them in colored uniforms, while ole Cassie July herself was in the middle, clad in a black, leather onesie, making her unusually super villain like, screaming her head off.  Before they could get their bearings, however, some kind of weird, weblike substance flew onto Rachel.  She began to scream.  Kurt went to react, but he was knocked down by someone.  That someone was Spider-Man.  

“Stay down, guys,” Spider-Man whispered.  Kurt thought his voice sounded very familiar.  “You shouldn’t be here in the middle of this.  Is that an empty classroom?” Before Kurt could respond, Spider-Man picked up Rachel ran towards the first door in the hallway.  Kurt followed, quite aware that pieces of the walls and windows were flying around.  Spider-Man through Rachel in the door, and pushed Kurt in after her.  “Stay in there, and don’t come out until I come back - you need to stay safe.” The door was slammed shut on them, and Kurt quickly locked the door.  

Rachel lay on the floor, not able to move because she was covered in the weird white web substance, and began to cry.  Kurt, meanwhile, tried to see what was going on, but the glass of the classroom door was frosted, and he could only make out shapes moving around.  It was probably better that they were locked in there, because Kurt could hear bullets and screams and things breaking out there.  He had no idea what was going on, but damn did it sound loud.  

“Kurt,” Rachel whimpered.  “Kurt can’t you get me out of this?”

“I really should text Blaine,” Kurt said.  But when he got his phone out, he was unsure what to say.  Stuck in the NYADA building while superheros duked it out in the lobby?  He came up with a quick text, letting Blaine know that he was okay, and not to come to the building until it had been cleared.  Blaine would still be in class for another half hour, so hopefully, whatever was going on would be done before then.  

Meanwhile, Rachel was becoming more persistent in her wails.  

“Hold still, Rach, let me see if I can get you out of this.”  Kurt tried to pull apart the webbing, but it was too strong.  The best he could do was try to make Rachel comfortable by leaning her up against the wall.  

“Kurt, I’m so, so sorry I got you involved in all of this,” Rachel said, real tears, for once, streaming down her face.  

“What are you talking about?” Kurt said, sitting against the wall beside her.  “It’s not like you were the one orchestrating big superhero coups, right?”

Rachel was unusually quiet for a long moment.  “Kurt, there’s something I should tell you about.”

Kurt felt a pit in his stomach.  “Okay?”

“So, you know that secret society I was in?” Rachel said with a sniffle.  “I don’t think they were very good people.”

“Yeah, I began to get that a while ago.”

“I mean, it started out fine - and it was so much fun,” Rachel continued.  “They told me how wonderful I was, and how great a job I was doing.  It was like -- they really saw my talent for what it was, and encouraged me to use it to my fullest potential.  And it was so much fun meeting new people and getting them to join the school.  But after a while - really after Cassie July took over, it stopped being as fun.  Suddenly, they had certain criteria they wanted me to meet with my recruitees.  And it became weird, and scary, and oh Kurt, I never meant to hurt anyone.”

“I know, Rach, I know.”

Rachel leaned her head against his shoulder.  “And now we’re stuck here and I may never get out to get my Tony, and you may never see Blaine again, and I’m so, so sorry. Kurt.”  

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Kurt said with a smile, even if he couldn’t promise her that. “I just wish you had told me sooner.  I might have been able to help you.”

“Well,” Rachel said.  “At least I told Thor.”  

Kurt began to laugh.  “Yeah, you told Thor.”  

Rachel began to laugh with him.  “You know what the funniest thing about all of this is, right?”

“That the actual Thor is your roommate?”

“That the actual Thor is my roommate.”

They both began to laugh hysterically.  

“He’ll probably move out,” Rachel said.  “But at least I have documented proof.  I set him up an Instagram account.  There plenty of pictures of he and I on there.”

“Oh, Rachel Berry,” Kurt said, resting his cheek on her head.  “I love you.”

Just then, Thor’s hammer slammed through the glass of the door.  Glass sprayed everywhere, Kurt covered Rachel to make sure she was okay.  Thor popped his head through the now open window in the door.  

“Sorry about that,” he said - and held his hand out to retrieve the hammer.  “I promise, we’re pretty much cleaning up now.”

Kurt got up to peer through the door to see what was going on.  The lobby was utterly destroyed.  There were superheroes everywhere - many of them carrying off bad guys.  Kurt even recognized some of the detainees as some of his classmates.  Cassie July was in a corner bound and gagged.  It seemed as though the worst of it was over.  

Suddenly, Spider-Man’s head popped down from the ceiling.  “Oh good, you guys are okay.”  Spider-Man dropped down, and opened the door.  “I was totally worried that something might have happened, but you guys look like you’re alright.  I’m so sorry you guys got involved, and oh yeah, you totally avoided getting shot by the Winter Soldier earlier so that’s good.  He’s not so bad for a crazy, brainwashed, psycho-assassin.  He really likes puppies and draws landscapes in his free time.  Not much of a conversationalist though.  He’d probably make it at this school better than I could, though.  Apparently, I can’t sing at all…”

It then hit him - why Spider-Man seemed so familiar.  “Peter Parker?” Kurt exclaimed.  

“Uh--” Spider-Man finally stopped talking.  “Nope, just your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man.”  He then lifted his mask to reveal that yes indeed - he was that weird freshman Kurt had met at the beginning of the year.  He gave Kurt a wink, then put back down his mask.  

Kurt grinned.  “So - everything’s okay?”

“Pretty much yeah.  I think so.  Well, you see -- this is what happened,” Spider-Man explained.  “The school - totally a front for an evil organization called Hydra.  They’ve been around since the 40s - you should ask Captain America about it some time, he just doesn’t shut up about it.  Anyway - kind of like a real Hydra, you keep cutting their heads off and two more grows back.  We just can’t get rid of these guys no matter how hard we try.”

“Okay, but how were they involved with the school?” Kurt asked.

“Oh, right!” Spider-Man said.  “The school was recruiting new members for Hydra.  Your friend was doing a bunch of the scouting.  Basically, they’d bring people in, brainwash them, and then send them out into the world - and when Hydra needed them they’d do their brainwash call, and have a little army infiltrated throughout the city.  Since the arts is such a major player in the city, they’d have agents everywhere.”

“Wait, so am I brainwashed?”

“Oh, no, you’re fine,” Spider-Man assured him.  “See, that’s why I was here undercover - to see if it was the entire school or just a part of it.  I really should thank you - because you tipped me off to that it was only a small portion of the student body that was brainwashed.  The rest of you really thought you were getting a fine arts degree.  Unfortunately, though, this school is accredited, so I’m not sure how far the degree would have gotten you.”

“And Cassie July was their ring-leader?”

“No, she was another uperrank peon,” Spider-Man said.  “We got lucky - once she took over, she got rid of most of the staff - which gave us an in to infiltrate.  That’s why all the Avengers were your teachers for a few weeks there.  We were all undercover, looking for the right moment to take everyone down.”  

“I’m not sure how ‘undercover’ you really were though,” Kurt said - relieved that he hadn’t been losing his mind.  

“Hey, we’re Superheroes, not entertainers,” Spider-Man defended with a shrug.

“So, what about Thor?” Kurt asked.  “Was his roomming with Rachel apart of it, too?”

Spider-Man tilted his head - the eyes of the mask squinting to think about it.  “I don’t think so.  I think Thor was just lonely.”

“What do you mean you have to arrest me!?” Rachel’s shrill voice cut through the air.  

Thor had picked her up, still bound in the webbing, and had thrown her over his shoulder.  “I’m sorry m’lady, but you were involved in an extensive crime ring.  You recruited more evil villains to a super villain lair.  They’re going to want to talk to you.”

“But I didn’t know what I was doing! The tricked me,” Rachel screamed.  “Put me down you brute.  I thought you were my friend! We stayed up and talked to each other about our core wounds.  I baked you cookies.  We braided each other’s hair.”  

Thor let out a heavy sigh as he took Rachel out of the building.  

“She’s going to be okay, right?” Kurt asked.  “She really didn’t know what she was doing.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” Spider-Man replied.  “I’m guessing SHIELD will get it all figured out for her.”

“Well, I think that just about wraps this little ordeal up.”  Kurt stood dumbstruck as Tony Stark, the owner of Stark Industries, the Iron Man himself, walked into the lobby - wearing an expensive suit, and looking like this was just another day on the job.  “What do you think kid?” He patted Spider-Man on the back.  

“I think we showed them, Mr. Stark,” Spider-Man said giddly.  

“Yes, yes we did,” Mr. Stark.  “And all before noon - there’s still time to have a nice brunch.  It’s on me.  What do you drink? Mimosas? Are you even legal drinking age yet? We’ll work something out.”  

“Hey, Mr. Stark,” Kurt called out.  If he didn’t ask now, he probably would lose his chance.  “What’s going to become of the school?”  

Mr. Stark looked around, only half interested.  “I don’t know, I’ll probably buy it.  Tear it down, this building is totally not up to code - those Hydra agents were still living in the 50s, apparently.”  

“But what about my degree?”

Mr. Stark considered.  Then came over to Kurt and blessed him,  “Congratulations, kid, you’ve just graduated from Stark Industries in -- what was their front again?”

“It was a musical theater school?”

“They have entire schools for that? Alright, okay, Stark Industries grants you a full BFA, that good for you?” Mr. Stark asked.  “Good - I’ll have Spider-Man get your details.  We’ll be in touch.”  

“Um, thanks?”

“Sure thing, kid,” Mr. Stark responded, patting him on the back.

“Isn’t Mr. Stark amazing?” Spider-Man cooed.  

Yeah, something like that - Kurt thought.  

“Kurt!” And there was Blaine, looking bewildered in the entryway.  He jumped over the police tape, and ran through the broken glass and debris to get at Kurt.

“Blaine!” Kurt yelled, and the two embraced.  

“Are you okay?” Blaine asked.  “I got your text and I saw the news, and oh my god, I’m so glad you weren’t hurt, I was so scared.”

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” Kurt assured him, feeling safe back in Blaine’s arms.  “When we get home, I have to tell you how Rachel was working for an evil villain organization.  And I can’t believe Sam Evans was right - NYADA was a scam school.”

“Of course it was.  I think you deserve a few days off to tell me all about it,” Blaine said.  And then he went stiff.  “Oh my god, is that Captain America? Do you think I could get is autograph?”

Kurt laughed.  

7. Post-Credit Scene

Rachel had been sitting in jail for hours.  She had talked to dozens of people about her story -- the police, the Black Widow lady, a dude with an eye-patch, she was just about done talking.  She shouldn’t be in jail - she didn’t do anything wrong.  When was she getting out of there? Where was Thor? Where was Kurt? Was that toothless lady in the corner going to eat her?  She was going to go crazy if someone didn’t show up soon.

Eventually, her dad Hiram came to pick her up.  

“Daddy!” Rachel said, ecstatic when they opened the bars and she was free.  She gave her dad a huge hug.  

“It’s alright, baby, I’m here,” Hiram said.  “Did they treat you well? Will I need to get a lawyer and sue their ass for wrongful imprisonment? Because I will - only the best for my baby girl.”

“I’m fine, dad,” Rachel said, relaxing into his arms.  He stroked her hair.  “I just want to go home and have a good cry.”

“If you need to, we can take you right back to Ohio, and you can have all the space to recoup if you want,” Hiram offered.  “Or, if you really need to get away, you can borrow my timeshare on Sakaar.”  

[wardencommanderrodimiss]

The Layton crossover is even more whack than that description but tbf, the Layton games have been like that from the beginning. sure, the plot of PLvPW is a feverish dreamscape, but it’s not considerably weirder than Diabolical Box or Unbound Future

Okay, yeah, if Layton has always been off-the-wall, I’ll accept that. That’s fair.

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #499

Top Ten Everything Ever

Four hundred and ninety-nine. That’s how many weeks I’ve been doing this four. Four hundred and ninety-nine.

Next week is the big five-oh-oh and I’m doing something typically stupid, but I wanted to make it a real celebration. That means for the next three weeks you’re going to get some rather meaningful and special Tops Ten; lists that have been long in the making, or that are just bonkers-level awkward for me to do. Like this one.

I mean, I’ve ranked films, games, fictional guns, and robots that made me cry. How much longer can I do this for? How many more weeks am I going to put myself through this?

Give me a barrel with bottom unscrap’d.

There’s nowhere to go but up, ladies and germs, and so I present to you the list to end all lists. The most definitive list possible. A list of everything. A list of my favourite things in all of time and space. A list of the official best things ever.

I mean, what more is there to say? This covers everything. I’ve tried to avoid it being really specific to one film or one person. And, of course, it doesn’t include people I know in real life, or events that have happened to me. These are, in their own way, big, sweeping things; film series, franchises, bands, stories that have in their own way changed my life. Just the greatest things I’ve come across in my nearly 40 years on this planet.

And you can’t say fairer than that.

The Transformers comic: this should be obvious to anyone who knows me well, but there’s no greater influence in my life, in terms of storytelling or entertainment, than Transformers. And of all the variants branching off from the Prime Timeline (pun very much intended), it’s the comic that’s greatest. Whether it’s the melodrama of Simon Furman or the intricate plotting of James Roberts, I’ve been addicted to the Transformers comic for the vast majority of my life. It has fundamentally shaped how I consume fiction and the sorts of things I’m into. It’s also really changed how I write, and, in fact, the original Marvel run is at least partly responsible for the fact that I write at all. I drew Transformers comics as a kid. I planned out elaborate multi-issue arcs before I was a teenager. I wrote detailed synopses and snatches of scripts for Transformers movies that would never be made. And I robbed, wholesale, motifs and lines of dialogue for the original books and comics I was working on too. It changed my life. It’s not hyperbole to say Transformers is the single biggest piece of fiction I’ve ever touched. Till all are one indeed.

The films of Steven Spielberg, 1975-1982: Spielberg is my favourite filmmaker, but it felt a bit weird to just say “Steven!” as one of the entries here. So instead I’ve decided to hone in on his early career, despite the fact that knocks out one of the biggest influences of my life, Jurassic Park. But everything I love about Spielberg is in these movies. His skill with a camera, his love of light, his great eye for casting, his way with actors; I mean, Close Encounters, which I probably first saw aged about twelve, is just a microcosm of all my interests in my teens: aliens, government conspiracies, determined men going on a crazed quest, and above all a pervasive sense of hope and optimism. Spielberg’s craft is exemplary, but that’s also true of many of his peers. His flair for action scenes and love of spectacle is entertaining, but there are many directors of whom you could say the same. What I love about him – what keeps bringing me back to him – is his warmth and optimism, his belief in the best of us. Even in his darkest movies, in Schindler’s List and A.I. and Munich (which has one of the bleakest endings of his career), there’s still joy and warmth and something worthwhile and wholesome to fight for. And whilst Raiders is a thrill-ride and E.T. an emotional tour-de-force, all of his preoccupations are encapsulated in Jaws, a tense horror film, a buddy-comedy, an entertaining rollercoaster, an acting masterclass. But it’s still Jurassic Park that made me want to make a movie.

The Marvel Cinematic Universe: so when I was a kid I was reading Transformers and Ghostbusters and other Marvel-published adaptations, but not really any actual Marvel comics. However, as a result, I became very loosely familiar with who Iron Man and Doctor Strange were (and Spidey of course) through references and back-up strips, and that time Death’s Head fought Tony’s nephew Arno Stark. No, when I started reading “proper” comics – mainstream superhero stuff – it was DC. I loved Batman, so I bought Batman, and that was a gateway to the rest of the DCU. However, despite the successes of the various DC movie adaptations, it’s the MCU that really, really got its hooks into me. For one, they’re really good adaptations, well-cast, with some great set-pieces. But the interconnected stuff is what really sings. Not just the characters popping up in each others’ movies, or even the overall arc leading up the crossover events; no, it was the actual shared-ness of it, the way the destruction of SHIELD had an impact, or the Sokovia Accords, or Asgard, Skrulls, magic… everything has an impact, an effect. And sure, it’s incredibly good fun to follow the breadcrumbs and try to work out where things are heading. As we enter a new phase – literally and figuratively – I just can’t wait to find out what’s next.

Grant Morrison’s Batman: talking about interconnectivity, no one does it better – or weirder – than Morrison. His Batman arc – and I’m referring to the character not the title, as it spans multiple series and even, arguably, includes work he did on JLA years earlier – is a web of connected theories, images, themes, events, and references. What does the Zur-En-Arrh graffiti in Gotham mean, not just in the here-and-now, but also as a long-standing reference to decades of Batman’s past? The anticipation of uncovering the next breadcrumb, the excitement of deciphering the next reference; it was long-form storytelling as a form of existential theatre, and it was sublime. But he also did two things that have utterly changed my view of the character. On the meta level, he presented a Batman where everything was canon; the grim thirties Shadow-inspired vigilante, the goofy fifties space adventures, the hairy-chested love-god of the seventies… it all happened to one man over a span of about 15-20 years. Fair enough; that’s cool storytelling. But his idea that Batman was not a miserable, psychopathic loner, that he was not insane or struggling to cope or still traumatised by his parents’ death, that Bruce Wayne was a nice guy with friends and family, who’d used his pain as a weapon, who’d gotten past his rage and grief and turned all the negative stuff outwards. Batman was what was built from all that, and Batman allowed Bruce to grow. And what did he do? He found other lost children and saved their lives, allowing Dick Grayson to take over. Batman is a force for good, in a similar way to Superman in Morrison’s All-Star book, making people better by association. And his confrontation with Darkseid in Final Crisis is extraordinary; brilliant as-is, as a piece of comicbook badassery on the page, but the metatextual resonance it’s given – Batman as a good man versus the font of all evil, David versus Goliath, Theseus and the Minotaur – is brilliant. How it ties in to Morrison’s wider Bat-epic, the whole Black Glove stuff and the devil and time travel and the myth of Batman’s creation and all of it… and just the simple thing of Batman’s last act being shooting the embodiment of evil, saving a human life, and then saying “Gotcha,” before dying, is perfect. Perfect.

The Secret of Monkey Island and Monkey Island 2: LeChuck’s Revenge: when I was little, I played Spectrum and C64 games at my cousins’ house. Then I got an Amiga – I think maybe I was ten? – and I started playing Amiga games. And it was fun and all, but then I read a review in Amiga Action, and my life changed. It was something called an “adventure game”, and it let you walk around chatting to people and interacting with the world, with great big colourful graphics and characters whose mouths moved when they spoke. And then I played it. My love of the medium and its possibilities was cemented then; and, fittingly, it was through the wordy, hilarious dialogue and comedy antics of a wannabe pirate who may, or may not, be selling these fine leather jackets. It’s not overstating things that my gaming tastes were defined by this game and its technically superior sequel. The quirky set-pieces, the weird puzzles, the playing with form (like when you “die” in Monkey 2), and the smart use of Lucasfilm in-jokery. The first game’s “How to Get Ahead in Navigating” gag/puzzle will live with me forever, as will the second game’s bonkers, nightmarish, beautifully constructed ending. As good as they were, none of the subsequent games could hold a candle to it, especially as the whole aesthetic changed into something much more cartoony. But these two? They’re my Big Whoop.

Star Wars: I imagine I know a lot of people in real life who would be surprised – nay, astounded – that I would list my ten favourite Things of all time, and yet Star Wars would not manage to break the Top Five. That’s because that as much as I love Star Wars – and I do, I really do – it didn’t hit me, didn’t speak to me, apart from one brief and weird moment in my late teens. It was games that made me fall in love, I think; games and toys. And, I have to confess, it was the prequels; the intricate digital visions of gleaming cities and impossibly acrobatic Jedi. I love the goofiness and ultra-seriousness of Lucas’ vision, sadly muddled now by the earthy chaos of the sequels. Star Wars is cool; for a while, it defined my idea of cool in cinema. An exciting sci-fi reimagining of ancient and endless myths, a confusing smorgasbord of weird stories and arcane philosophy. Plus spaceships and rapscallions and laser swords. So yes: whilst it was never my faith, so to speak, it’s still one of the coolest and most original pieces of fiction in my lifetime, and to this day there are very few things at all that I find more exciting and evocative than the thought of a Jedi pirouetting through the air with their ‘saber lit.

Middle-Earth, in print and film: one of my most vivid memories of childhood is my mum reading me The Hobbit (and also Macbeth, funnily enough). Then I bought myself my own copy, read it as a kid, read it again as a teenager, wrote (aged about 12 or 13) a sequel in which Gollum comes back to reclaim the ring. I remain to this day baffled that my teacher did not think to tell me that there actually was a sequel to The Hobbit. Eventually I did hear about it, watched the Ralph Bakshi version, and – when I read in Empire that it was gonna be a film and Sean Connery, of all people, was gonna be Gandalf – I thought it best to take the plunge. And I adored it. whilst there’s something about the lyrical simplicity of The Hobbit that I prefer, the depth and scope of The Lord of the Rings – and Tolkien’s subsequent, more disparate writing – that moves me on a profound level. It’s not just the epic nature of the work – the story itself, with its grandiose tales of heroism and adventure – but the sheer balls of the man to make such a thing, to craft wholesale an entire mythological ecosystem. And then the films! I can’t believe they managed to do that; it was pure lightning in a bottle, and we know that because they didn’t quite manage to do it a second time with the Hobbit movies. But all those glorious moments: “Fly, you fools”, “For Frodo”, “I can carry you”, “Go away and never come back” – bloody hell.

Empire magazine: it feels a bit weird, for some reason, citing a magazine as a Favourite Thing. It’s a magazine, a periodical, a journal; it tells you the news and recommends films. it’s not supposed to be part of the culture, part of the fabric of one’s being. But whilst you could debate whether criticism itself is culture, Empire definitely has a culture. It’s a club, nay, a family; something that has been entrenched in recent years through its podcasts and live shows. But for me it began as an education. I started reading it, really, to find out more about Jurassic Park (there we are again, the secret eleventh part of this list). But it went on, showing me more films and filmmakers, introducing me to esoteric industry concepts, broadening my horizons. I always liked film, but Empire made me love film. It reflected my tastes but then it enriched them, codified them, offered me new flavours. It was the first magazine to put Lord of the Rings on the cover; it celebrates Spielberg and the MCU; it had articles about The Greasy Strangler, for goodness’ sake. So much of what I love about film I learned from Empire over the last (nearly) thirty years, and so much of what I love about Empire now is because of what I learned. Bangily-bang.

Traveller’s Tales’ LEGO games: the games that did not make this list, I don’t know. Halo; man, I love Halo. Or what about classics like Lemmings, Worms, or SWOS? What about Mass Effect, Deus Ex, or Fable? What about Mario Kart, what about Civilization? They all deserved a place, really. But there’s something esoteric, timeless even, about the heights of the LEGO games. I remember playing a demo – on the first Xbox, I think – of the first LEGO Star Wars, and being blown away by the fact that, well, it was good. When the games started coming out on the 360 – Star Wars II, Batman, Indiana Jones – I was in the gloriously fortunate position of getting a lot of them for free at CITV, and I devoured them. The simple mechanics, the generous, forgiving gameplay, the satisfying tactile feel of smashing objects and collecting studs. There was something just so rewarding about playing them. And the fan-service! Giving you all those beloved characters, all those worlds, all those genuinely funny in-jokes, references, and cut-scenes. Plus they’re great to play with kids. Time went on, some games were better than others; I feel they reached their peak with the first LEGO Marvel Super-Heroes game, presenting us with an open world New York to play in and a collection of comic book characters that fitted the gameplay perfectly. Subsequent games have either put new restrictions on play, or given us more complicated stories and mechanics, or – really – just over-egged the pudding slightly. I’m really, really optimistic and excited for The Skywalker Saga, long overdue, and promising something of an overhaul. it began, really, with Star Wars; and I feel with Star Wars they’ll have their greatest hour.

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds: fun fact: finding the tenth spot on these lists is very hard. How about a brand I love, like Xbox, or the BBC, or even Disney? Or another writer or director – what about Aaron Sorkin? Or a TV show – Doctor Who, perhaps, or Star Trek? Or how about, oh I dunno, Shakespeare? I like him. But I’ve not talked about music, so let’s do that; we’ll go out on a number. I’m not a musical person; I didn’t grow up frequenting record shops or listening to mix tapes in my room. I liked songs, but mostly I came to music through film. That was even true with Nick Cave, who I first heard in an episode of The X-Files, and read about in the X-Files magazine. But he remains one of the few artists, The Bad Seeds one of the few bands, that I continue to seek out and listen to regularly (rather than just saying “Alexa, play nineties rock”). I love the different styles, from the distorted noise of the early, post-Birthday Party years through the sombre melodies of Nocturama. I love Cave’s lyricism; his evocation of myth, his use of imagery. I love how he manages to get phrases like “morally culpable” into a song. I love the humour as well as the tragedy, the references to things both real and mythological, the sadness and eloquence of it all. I love how so many of his songs are about sex but are also really moving and meaningful; how much of the music is infused with pain and sorrow but is also uplifting. The horrible evocations of Cave’s own abuse in Do You Love Me, through to the references to his son’s death in Girl in Amber. I love Cave’s voice. I don’t know if this has come through in this list, but something I really like is stuff that makes me cry but isn’t necessarily sad. I cry when I read Sandman, when he wins the Oldest Game by challenging the end of everything by becoming “hope”; I cry when Donna tells Josh, “if you were in the hospital I wouldn’t stop for red lights”; I cry when Steve Rogers jumps on that dummy grenade. I think it’s hope and heroism and love. And that’s something that I get constantly, mainlined, intravenous, from Nick Cave. As Morgan Freeman says in Seven, “The world is a fine place and worth fighting for – I agree with the second part.”

God, there’s so much stuff not listed here. So many things I love that I feel are core; no Pixar, no West Wing, no other filmmakers cited, really, apart from Spielberg. But ten’s not a big number, and I contain multitudes.

Thanks for reading.

[leveragebigbang]

Leverage 2017 Big/Mini Bang Master List

a chair is not a house by greenurr Cover art, Art, and NSFW Art by steverogersisbi  Summary: After the war, Eliot moves back home, and gets a dog. There’s more to it than that. An AU in which Eliot returns home from the army missing a leg and an eye, Hardison is a slightly famous internet gamer, and Parker runs a circus. A story that involves dogs, and no crime, unless you include the dogs stealing our heroes’ hearts.

Dead Man’s Hand by meils121 Soundtrack and Cover Art by poppetawoppet Summary: Eliot lets himself slip away, away from the pain and the hurt and everything else. He finally allows himself to die. An old enemy of Eliot’s threatens everything he cares about. With Eliot badly injured, it’s up to the team to take this enemy down before they can do any more damage. Eliot struggles with the guilt he feels and the need he has to protect his team.

The Freedom Job by Telaryn Fanvideo and Gifset by IndigoNight Summary: In a world where vampires and things that go bump in the night and deals with demons are real, the Leverage team has in recent years been playing on a larger and darker stage than they ever expected to be. They've adapted, of course, with knowledge of their own pasts unearthed to help them along. And to the outside observer, they might even look like they're thriving. These days though, they're driven by a secret. One they can barely talk about amongst themselves - in order to save the lives of Sophie, Eliot and Hardison, Nate allowed himself to be roped into a deal with the King of Hell, with his soul the price. It's a deal they may be forced to live with - for now - but one the Leverage team will never settle for. And when a man from another world, with the powers of a God, comes to them looking for help, the team will confront Heaven, Hell and Death itself in order to find a way out.

Hearts Wrapped in Clover by BabylonsFall Video and Cover Art by benjaminrussell Summary: Hardison, Parker, Nate, and Sophie have managed to successfully run Leverage, Inc. on their own, for three years running now. But when the bullet meant for a mark strikes a little too close to home, and outside pressures start threatening the team, they decide to split up, to lay low, running from both the Italian’s threats and Moreau’s attention. Nate and Sophie head out to provide a moving target, Hardison and Parker disappear into the countryside to the very last place anyone would think to look for them. And, just their luck, the neighbor’s even weirder than they are.

If You Ever Want to Be in Love (I’ll Come Around) by serenelystrange Fanmix by MorningStar461  Summary: In which Hardison finds himself falling for both the quiet but charming baker, and for the quirky ice cream shop owner that works on the other side of the street. The only problem is, he can’t seem to make either one of them realize how perfect they could be together, until he bites off more than he can chew!*

Make Way For Ducklings by page_runner Art by ponderosa121 Summary: It’s been seven years since Nate and Sophie walked away; two since circumstances forced Hardison, Parker, and Eliot into retirement. Meanwhile, the kids they met during jobs have grown up, influenced by the strangers who briefly entered their lives, and who are about to make a reappearance.

My Perfect Thief by kawuli Art by magnetgirl Summary: “Kid, you’re lucky you ended up here, nobody else would put up with your shit.” Parker’s latest foster family is just like all the rest. Maybe they’re right, maybe no one will put up with her. Fine. Fuck families. Parker doesn’t want one. New York City is far enough away and big enough to get lost in, and Parker knows how to survive on her own. And then she runs into the strangest thief she’s ever met. Archie Leach has a plan for Parker that for once she’s happy to go along with. She’s going to be the best thief ever.

on a wing and a prayer by treepyful Art by bloodinamug Summary: “You’ve seriously never heard of Ravens?”

Once Upon A Time (we fell in love) by chewingonpearls/Reallife Art by cuartist Summary: That was the day Hardison and Parker realized, when Eliot was threatening to punch people for them what he was really saying was “I love you.”

The Ophidiophobia Job by Glinda Art by IllustratedJai Summary: Leverage/Stargate SG1 Crossover. Team Leverage discover that their mark has access to lots of highly classified alien technology. Eliot calls in some help from a 'buddy in the business' and it turns out he worked for the Stargate programme. Conspiracies are discovered, bombs are defused, aliens are fought, and part of the team get stranded offworld.

The (Other) Fairy Godparents Job by RyLee Art by BuckytheDucky  Summary: Even before Leverage, Parker, Eliot and Hardison find themselves helping the helpless. Once a upon a time, in a faraway land, a prince and a peasant girl fell in love and had a child, a healthy baby girl. But their happiness was not to last, as the prince’s family disapproved of the union and invoked evil forces to conspire against them. Death took the new parents before their daughter ever had a chance to know them. She was left all alone the world, at the mercy of the same evil that stole away her parents. The child may have met the same ill fate had she not had the good fortune to encounter three blessed benefactors.

The Present Job by ourdarkspirits Art by Idwart Summary: The team decides to take a break from work and Hardison plans a surprise.

the soul of the matter by SafelyCapricious Art by InklingDancer Summary: Everyone is born with a way to find their soulmate, but fate is rarely so simple or so kind. The team faces a soulmark-forger con-artist as well as truths about themselves. Just how important is fate in the hands of five fair criminals?

Steal that Swing by coppersunshine Podfic by ramblingandpie  Summary: “It was something like desperation that led Eliot to start looking up dance organizations in the area. At this point it was either punch or dance, and the punching hadn’t worked out so well. The first search result took him to a well-designed, minimalist site. “Lindy-Hop, West Coast, and East Coast Swing, Wednesdays at 7pm. Free Drop-in Lesson! Dance $5.” Eliot glanced at his watch. 7 o’clock already, but he’d still make the open dance. He grabbed his jacket and headed out the door.”

Taste of Freedom by SassySnowperson Food: a schematic (companion art) by magnetgirl Summary: Eliot finally found the gumption to break free of Moreau, but the scars a man like that leaves don’t fade easily. Eliot’s in a bad place, and cooking is the only thing that brings him any sort of peace. But then a tiny blonde thief thinks he’ll make an lucrative mark and breaks into his apartment, intent on robbing Eliot blind. Parker’s so surprised to find a mattress and…nothing else that she’s determined to fix things. A story of families of choice, food, and figuring out how to be a person again.

Trained Monkeys and Doughnuts by keepitdreamin Art by sarah-likeaboss Summary: “It’s the first time they all sleep together without actually sleeping together, and it marks the shift of something fundamental in their relationship. Something, Eliot considers later, that he wouldn’t change back for the world.” How the trio get together featuring stupid feelings, a trained monkey and cuddles.

The Troll in the Dungeons Job by the_afterlight Summary: October 31, 2007, Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, Scotland In an echo of fifteen years past, Hogwarts students are enjoying their Hallowe'en feast when a professor comes into the Great Hall with news of a troll in the dungeons. Back to back at their separate tables, fourth-years Alec Hardison and Parker share a glance before slipping away in an attempt to find the creature, only to be caught on their way by fifth-year prefect Eliot Spencer – who is only out and about because he noticed that another student, seventh-year Sophie Deveraux, was absent from the feast. Hoping to find her before the troll does, the three find themselves following her trail into a long-forgotten section of the castle. What secrets does Hogwarts hold? What is Sophie after? Who let the troll into the school? And what will the headmistress say when she finds out?

An Unwanted Job Offer by Nonesane Art by alexiane250  Summary: Alec and Parker’s lazy morning at home is cut short as they realize they haven’t seen Eliot all day. It’s been a long time since Eliot went MIA without leaving a note or a message. Where could he be?

Sweet Home Kentuky Fanmix by dazebras

[ramajmedia]

10 Hilarious Supernatural Monster Memes Only True Fans Understand

The smash-hit TV show Supernatural has been on since the year 2005. Which is longer than some teenagers have been alive. Supernatural has literally existed for a longer time than the network that it airs on has existed (at this point it's obviously the only remaining holdover from The WB network). Obviously over the course of 14 going on 15 seasons, Supernatural has built up a massive fan base, and it's long-lasting stories and characters have inspired a lot of amazing and hilarious fan works.

RELATED: Supernatural: All the Angels And Their Powers

Fan works are an essential part of any fandom, and any genre TV show or movie worth its salt (pun intended) will have a pretty solid body of fanfiction built up after years of success and growth. Supernatural can definitely count itself among those kinds of TV shows, and while every fan creation deserves its accolades, we're personally big supporters of memes. So here are 10 of Supernatural's best.

10 Negan Defeated

Anyone who watches The Walking Dead knows that Negan is the worst dude to ever show up on the block, but it should come as no surprise that Supernatural manages to one-up that badness. Negan is a nightmare, but he's nothing in comparison to the literal devil.

Lucifer has always managed to keep himself quite busy in the world of Supernatural. There has been a lot of bloodshed in Lucifer's quest to rise from hell, and while losing Glenn and Abraham was brutal, it's pretty tough to compete with Lucifer killing Castiel and Bobby Singer back to back.

9 You're Better Than Hogwarts, Bobby

Bobby Singer just can't get any respect. Sam and Dean are indisputably the best demon hunters of all time, but the buck really stops with Bobby. He's expected to be able to match Sam and Dean in his monster-fighting skills and he's expected to be a living, breathing monster encyclopedia, and somehow he manages to actually succeed on both fronts.

RELATED: Supernatural: 10 Times The Show Broke Our Hearts

Whenever the boys run into trouble, Bobby is the first person who they call; on the rare occasions that Bobby doesn't have the answers, there really isn't any place else he can go for assistance, although a wizarding school would be convenient.

8 Especially Crowley

How is it that Sam and Dean miraculously manage to be total geniuses and complete idiots when it comes to all things supernatural. To be fair, pretty much every time that Sam and Dean turn to a supernatural creature for assistance, it's because they feel like they have no other choice.

That said, in nearly every instance, they wind up coming up the losers in the situation. At some point, you'd think they'd catch on and stop rethreading this path. Crowley may be a demon, but at least he can honestly reflect upon his own trustworthiness.

7 John Winchester's Dream Job

John Winchester earned his reputation as one of the greatest demon hunters to ever live. But John Winchester is also, to be frank, a crazy person. He might not quite be Negan, but he is only a stone's throw away from him.

Negan's wife's death drove him to spend every waking moment gleefully killing mindless zombies, does that sound familiar? John isn't a sociopath but he is nuts, and while the world may be a better place for all of the monsters that he's killed, he is still a pretty messy dude.

6 It's Funny Cause It's True

It is hard to tell which one has a more negative effect on the Winchester brothers, honestly. On the one hand, demons are not expected to be nice or pleasant, but most people don't expect their dad to be constantly ditching them in favor of said demons.

RELATED: Supernatural: 5 Relationships Fans Were Behind (& 5 They Rejected)

John raised two kids who are absolutely incredible at their jobs, but that might be more in spite of what he did than because of it. However, as actual human beings, Sam and Dean are profoundly disturbed and damaged individuals. The demonic possession thing was kind of inevitable, but John could have relaxed just a little more as a dad.

5 The Family That Hunts Together...

...dies together, unfortunately. Or actually they die brutally and alone more often than not. The Winchester-Campbell family business is an unforgiving one, and no one in the squad is left alive in the end. Unlike most of their family members, Sam and Dean have both been blessed (or cursed, depending on your attitude about it) with the chance to die and come back over and over again.

But it's easy to see why so many of this clan tries to find comfort in the bottom of a bottle or through a deal with a demon. After all, their day-to-day lives aren't exactly filled with hope.

4 A Barrel Of Laughs

There already exists an episode of Supernatural that partially takes place in a sitcom, so this is not that farfetched. Despite Supernatural taking its main story seriously, the show has always found ways to make evil funny. And not to be too presumptuous with these suggestions, but why exactly can't we have an episode of Supernatural where Bobby, Cas, and Crowley have to make some awkwardly tight living arrangements work together?

Or even better, an episode of Supernatural where Castiel and Lucifer get to explore their damaged brotherly relationship while a canned laugh track punctuates the punchlines? It's not any weirder than the average Supernatural episode.

3 Lazarus Rising, Repeatedly

Well after you've died and come back from the dead so many times, you've kind of already beaten death at its own game. Furthermore, if death is a literal flesh and blood monster (kind of?) and you're the greatest hunters to ever live, then death can be killed.

RELATED: Supernatural: 10 Reasons Why God/Chuck Is The True Villain Of The Series

Dean's accomplishments when it comes to destroying monsters, angels, and everything in between is second to none, but even death didn't see his own ganking coming. Death made a deal with Dean that involved killing Sam, and shock of all shocks, Dean didn't want to go through with it. Ironically death kind of signed his own death warrant.

2 Meme Crossover

While Gordon Ramsay might often react angrily to meals that are not up to his standards, at least, overly salty food still provides some benefit to society. Also, using food as the method of transportation for salt is sneaky!

Sam and Dean traditionally use bagged salt for all of their salty needs, as it is hard to find salt in any greater bulk and they certainly go through a lot of it. However, if you're walking around with an overly seasoned ham sandwich and just slap an offending demon across the face with it, they're never going to see that move coming!

1 A Real-Life Trap

The Australians have come to save us. If you want to trap a demon then a devil's trap is just the ticket, but actually leading said demons into those traps isn't always the easiest. Demons are natural sneakers, and even an idiot knows how to dodge obvious traps. Modern problems require modern solutions; thankfully, Outback Steakhouse seems to be ready and willing to provide those solutions.

Anyone who has set foot in a Walmart Supercenter wouldn't even be able to tell the difference if that place was filled up with demons.

NEXT: 10 Things From Supernatural That Haven’t Aged Well

source https://screenrant.com/supernatural-hilarious-monster-memes-fans/

[thisaintascenereviews]

Album Review by Bradley Christensen The Buggles – The Age Of Plastic Record Label: Island Release Date: January 10 1980

The Buggles are one of the most prolific and important bands of the 1980s, and here’s why – they ushered in the “MTV era,” so to speak, specifically with the song and music video for “Video Killed The Radio Star.” This song is one of the most iconic songs of all time, and despite being released as a single in their native England in 1979, the song didn’t actually gain traction until 1980 when this little channel called MTV started. It debuted the idea of these things called “music videos” that had completely been unheard of at the time. The song oddly predicted what was going to happen, but if you listen to the lyrics of the song, it’s about nostalgia. That’s part of why it’s such a prolific song in terms of the 1980s MTV circuit. The song is about how “radio stars” during the first half of the 20th Century have been essentially sidelined by TV stars. If you look at it that way, the song is a bit misleading with its lyrics, because it’s not directly talking about music videos, but most people associate the song with that. Hell, it makes a ton of sense, and yeah, the song is a perfect one to start off MTV with. The Buggles isn’t an interesting band, just for that, though, because their career (as short as it was) is one of the most fascinating things to look at. In terms of one-hit-wonders, The Buggles are among the most interesting bands to talk about, and when I was getting into a lot of this stuff, I had to get into The Buggles. They’re an influential new wave act in all the best ways, so I had to talk about them in some fashion. The band only released two albums, 1980’s The Age Of Plastic, and 1981’s Adventures In Modern Recording, but most people only care about the former album. By the time the latter album came out, the group was essentially dissolved and it was just the brainchild of vocalist, bassist, and guitarist Trevor Horn. More about him later, but I had to pick up The Age Of Plastic, because it’s the album that ushered in both 80s new wave and MTV.

I didn’t have much of an idea of what to expect with this LP, because I was only familiar with the big single, “Video Killed The Radio Star,” but The Age Of Plastic is really weird, strange, and off the wall. I mean that in all the best ways, however, as this LP is great. It’s a weird, strange, and interesting listen that takes a lot of twists and turns. Regarded as one of the first new wave albums, it’s on the weirder sides of things, and it makes sense that this band never quite caught on. I mean, I wish they deserved better, but at the same time, I can see why they didn’t get the recognition they deserved. This band is weird, and even “Video Killed The Radio Star” is a weird song, because of how different, strange, and off the wall it sounds. The album itself is very diverse, too, as some songs have a post-punk edge to it (“Clean, Clean” is the one that comes to mind there, but it’s one of my favorite tracks off the album), but other songs are more new wave and synth-pop-influenced. The album is definitely an interesting one, and one of the best things about it is that it’s so short. At only 36 minutes, the album isn’t very long at all, and by the time it’s over, I’m usually a bit saddened that it ended. Like I said, I can understand why this band never blew up, and they were only around for a few years, but Horn and keyboardist Geoff Downes split by the time their second album came out in 1981. This is where their careers get really weird, because both of them joined the prog-rock band Yes, just a couple of years later, ultimately being apart of their only hit “Owner Of A Lonely Heart,” which Horn also produced. After that came and went, Horn became an established producer. Not only he did produce a lot of other new wave acts throughout the 80s, but he was a powerhouse in the 90 and early 00s. You know that Seal song “Kiss From A Rose”? Yep, that’s him. Chances are, you’ve heard and/or love a song that he’s had a hand in producing and writing.

That’s why I wouldn’t say this band deserved better, because after the band called it quits, they did well for themselves. Oh, and I forgot to mention one other thing – have you heard of a little band called Asia? I talked about them earlier this year, actually, but former members of Yes and a few other prog-rock bands came together to form that progressive supergroup. Well, Downes was apart of that band, too, so yeah, I’d like to think that the two members of The Buggles did very well for themselves. Even though this album is a bit weird, off the wall, and odd, I would still recommend it. This LP is short, quick, and somewhat to the point. This isn’t for everyone, especially people that aren’t into weird stuff, but if you’re into the 80s, specifically pop and new wave, I think this is worth a listen. You might not be super crazy about it, because it’s not like bands from the later years of the decade that had a cleaner sound, but at the same time, you’ll be able to hear a piece of music history. This band is very seminal in the new wave circuit of the early 80s, and without them, a lot of these other acts wouldn’t have existed, most likely. I love this LP, and it’s one of my favorite albums that I’ve been into lately, but I have a lot of other stuff to talk about, so I decided to take it off my rotation and write about it. If you’re curious, though, check this out. This band is one of the most influential acts of the 80s, but no one quite knows their name, although it kind of makes sense, because they were a “weirder” band that didn’t have much crossover appeal. To be fair, though, “Video Killed The Radio Star” is a catchy as hell song that I enjoy quite a lot, but the rest of the album is a bit more off the wall and strange. Like I said, I’d say that they deserved better, but both members did well for themselves in the later part of the 80s, one member being a prolific producer and another being in a very popular 80s band. If you want to hear where it all started, though, this is perfect.