#In all reality I'll probably find out what to do (if anything) once I look more into the mythology.

[demon-of-side-quest-hell]

While doing research for stuff I found that the Aztec creature Cipactli doesn't have alot of good art to go base of for what it might look like so I decided to draw Tezcatlipoca losing his foot to it!

I want to eventually draw a full sketch of Cipactli but for now I know that I wanna give it a toads long tongue as Cipactli is described as having toadlike and fishlike qualities although being crocodillian in most traits.

[afictionalwhor3]

Hitting the Books

IceHockey!Cregan x Tutor!Reader

Summary: Cregan has to get tutoring after being put on academic probation, but he doesn't expect to fall for his tutor

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, cursing, a small amount of angst

Word Count: 4.3k

"Yeah Jace I'll talk to you later I'm about to walk into the tutoring center now," Cregan says with a sigh as he holds the door open for someone and walks in.

"AHAHAHA I forgot you had that. Bye loser have fun" Jace laughs in his ear before hanging up the phone.

"Dickhead" Cregan grumbles under his breath walking up to the front desk to check himself in, "Cregan Stark. It's my first time here. My session is supposed to be at twelve" He tells the man sitting behind the desk. He watches him type something in the computer and thinks about the series of decisions that landed him here. He knew he was slacking in school, not going to class, not turning in assignments. But in his defense with hockey season starting all those things seemed irrelevant. He found himself in an increased role this year and the team looked better than ever. He was ecstatic about the season and would go as far as to say this could be the year they win the conference. After coming so close in the past, he felt like this could be it. Now he watched as the best thing in his life could be taken from him. His coach brought him into the office to let him know he was on academic probation until further notice. This included spontaneous class checks, weekly academic checkups, and tutoring at least twice a week. He was one wrong step away from not just getting kicked off the team but kicked out of school all together. That was something he could not afford. 

"Y/n is gonna be your tutor she is at table six" the man behind the desk says and he nods his head walking to the back and finding multiple tables placed around the room. Spaced out far enough to grant each one some respective form of privacy. The large windows that surrounded the room allowed plenty of light to illuminate the area and granted views of campus. The view was beautiful and had Cregan momentarily entranced. Coming back to reality he looked around, seeing a few people scattered across the room when he finally saw a table labeled with the number six on it. He began walking towards it where a girl was currently sat. She appeared to be deep in thought with headphones covering her ears and typing quickly on her laptop. 

"Excuse me," Cregan starts as he approaches "I'm looking for Y/n, I'm here for tutoring" He states plainly watching as you take off your headphones, smile, and stand up extending your hand towards him,

"You must be Cregan. Nice to meet you I'm Y/n" You say as he takes your outstretched hand shaking it and giving you a tight lipped smile. You sit once again moving your laptop to the side and putting your headphones away "Twice a week for two hours is our schedule right?" You ask and Cregan nods his head with a sigh. He could think of approximately a hundred other places he would rather be than here. You weren’t an idiot and you could definitely pick up that vibe from him. You also knew who he was, one of your friends had a boyfriend on the hockey team so you had seen him around. And the only time athletes came into the tutoring center was when they were about to be academically ineligible to play, so you knew why he was here. Determined to make the best out of the current situation you smile and ask, "What do you want to start with? It can be anything you might be having trouble with," You ask while watching him slowly take out a laptop and notebook. He sighs again turning it on,

"I guess my calc class? That and my writing class are probably my worst grades right now," He says as he shows you what he is learning and you begin to explain it to him. 

And that is how it goes between the two of you. Cregan always shows up on time, polite despite being disinterested, and your conversations revolve solely around academics. Not that it bothered you too much. He was never rude but you could tell when your words were going in one ear and out the other. You were getting paid regardless, and he if wanted to flunk out of school despite your help that was his business. You sometimes thought in different circumstances you may try your luck with him. Because despite his indifference, there was no denying how attractive he was. Those stormy grey eyes that only got prettier as the weather got colder, chestnut locks that he sometimes likes to put in a bun at the base of his neck, and a tall lean build he often hid beneath hoodies and sweats but you could still make out. Contrary to his teammates you hadn’t heard much about him sleeping around, but you had to assume a man on his level got his fair share. It was week three and you were sat next to him at the tutoring center trying to help him work through a question while these thoughts floated around the back of your head. In the middle of explaining he cut you off going, 

"Wait I think I get this. All I have to do is," He starts and works out the rest of the problem on his own. You laugh slightly in disbelief. Maybe beneath acting like he was too cool for this, he was actually paying attention and learning. You nodded your head as you double-checked his work, 

"Wow exactly. Good job," You say smiling proudly and looking at him. For the first time, he returns the smile giving you a genuine one as he inputs the answer in his computer. You notice a notification fall across his screen as he does so,

"Oh shit my essay was graded," He says and you watch him quickly click around so he could pull the grade up. 

"The one we worked on last week?" You question and watch as he nods in response. The tab loads and you watch him scroll down and the grade on the screen reads, 74. You watch him visibly deflate as he sees the grade. Despite having to force it out of him you knew he put his all into that paper. You also knew it was the first assignment he was proud of and you did not like the cold and sad feeling that ran through you seeing how disappointed he was. You put what you hoped was a comforting hand on his shoulder while he looked at you. "Well, it’s not completely terrible. It’s around the class average so at least you know it isn’t just you. What have you been getting on essays this semester?" You ask and he shrugs

"Honestly? This is the first one I've submitted in a while" He says sheepishly a small smile pulling at his lips and you sigh trying to contain your own smile.

"Well, then this a great starting place. Don’t be disappointed. I’ll have you producing A-plus essays in no time,” You say and at this, he scoffs and then rolls his eyes.

"I appreciate the confidence, and you’re a pretty good teacher, but I'm not an A student. I live more in the low to mid C range," He states and you proceed to pinch him making Cregan flinch away from you rubbing his shoulder.

"With that shitty attitude, I can see why. You just said I’m a good teacher, therefore I’m gonna get you to an A, at the very least a B-” You say confidently staring him down. He leans back in his seat feeling hot under your intense gaze.

"Alright, alright. I’m just letting you know it won’t be an easy feat,” He says and you shake your head.

“To this day I have yet to turn down a good challenge,” You say smirking and open up the assignment to see the comments his teacher left.

You considered that day to be the turning point in your dynamic. From that day on Cregan began to open up considerably. He was more attentive during your sessions and you could see how much he was progressing in all his classes. He started arriving earlier and earlier spending the time before your session talking about anything but school. You learned he had a half sister and he lived up north so he grew up playing hockey. The more you got to know him the more you began to like him which was doing terrible things to your body. You found yourself growing increasingly nervous in his presence. Every time he laughed or teased you, a swarm of butterflies seemed to take flight in your stomach. Just the sight of him was enough to send your heart racing. Previously when you would see him around campus he pretended he didn’t see you and increased his pace. Now he waved and if he wasn’t on his way somewhere, stopped to talk to you. You had no idea what these new feelings would mean for you going forward. Your friends told you that you should say something but the last thing you wanted is for the feelings to be unreciprocated. He would probably get a new tutor and above all else, you were incredibly proud of his progress and wanted to continue to watch him grow. It had been six weeks since you started tutoring Cregan and the two of you exchanged numbers in case he had questions when you weren’t together. And occasionally he sent you a tik tok or two. You were sitting in the library working on homework when you got his text,

Cregan: Y/n

Cregan: Wya? 

You: Main library… why? 

Cregan: Second floor in the quiet spot in the back? 

You: Yea why what’s up? 

Cregan: Okay stay there I’m coming rn

Cregan: Gotta show you something urgently

His last text had you in a cold sweat. What the hell could he possibly have to show you. The thoughts ran rampant in your head. Above all else you hoped he was okay because of the urgency of his text messages. You did your best to refocus on your work but couldn’t help but nervously pick at your nails until you saw him walking down one of the rows of shelves. You stood up as he walked towards you, his steps quick and smile wide. “What is up with you?” You ask confused as he gets close enough and pulls a paper out to show you. When he gets close enough you take it out of his hands and look it over realizing it’s his last math test. At the top circled in red reads, 92. 

“Holy shit a 92?!” You say loudly and then remember where you were as he nods his head picking you up easily and spinning you in a circle. You gasp laughing while he spins you around. “Cregan put me down oh my god,” You say in between laughs as he brings you back to the ground softly a big smile on his face. 

“This is all because of you. I could have never done this without you,” He sates and you shake your head, 

“Absolutely not, I may have pushed you in the right direction but you put the hard work in. I’m so proud of you. I told you I’d make you an A+ student now let’s get that writing grade up,” You say with a smile and comfortable silence falls over the two of you as Cregan admires you. He had always thought you were pretty, but now it was as if the world had sharpened into focus, and he was truly seeing you for the first time. You had a blush on that made your cheeks look adorable, your smile was bright enough to illuminate the room, and your lips looked soft and so kissable. About two minutes go bye before he realizes he has been staring at you for longer than socially acceptable. 

“Well I have to get practice, it’s at six, but I wanted to show you my grade first. I knew you’d be proud,” He said and you smiled back at him and then quickly checked your watch the time reading 5:55. 

“Cregan you have five minutes and the rink is on the other side of campus,” You say and he nods his head in understanding and shrugs. 

“Yeah I know. I still wanted to show you.” He says and you feel your face heat up at his admission. “Oh and I wanted to invite you… and your friends to the hockey house this Saturday. We have off so we’re throwing if you’d like to come. I would personally like you to be there. We can celebrate our big achievement,” He says hopefully trying to gauge your reaction. 

“Well if you personally want me there, and I do love celebrating accomplishments. I think I’ll see you there,” You smirk looking at him and watch as he fist pumps the air and starts backing up to leave. 

“Awesome. It starts at 10 I’ll see you there,” He says and you wave and watch as he runs out of the library. He ended up being twenty minutes late to practice and did sprints for every minute he missed. It didn’t matter though because you were coming to his party Saturday. 

~~

“Y/n you look great c’mon…. It’s already 11,” your roommate says standing at the door with your two other friends you were going out with. You sigh playing with your hair one more time nervously and double checking yourslef in the mirror before you walk over to them and you guys begin the trek from the dorms to hockey house. 

“Yeah y/n you look hot I’m sure Cregan will be alllll over you when he sees you” your friend teases running her hands over you while you push her away and everyone laughs. 

“Oh shut up all of you let’s just get there it’s cold,” You say wrapping your arms around yourself. Your jeans did the work of keeping your legs warm but the shirt, which you could barely call a top with how little material it was, had you freezing in the January air. The hockey house was in sight with people hanging outside and music blasting out of it. You walk inside with no problems and are immediately greeted by the hot, humid environment. Your friends smile at you, they loved a good party and you smiled back. It has been a while since you went out and you were thankful for the reprieve for how crazy school had been. You guys grab some juice and make your way back to the dancing area. You see Cregan’s friend Jace behind the DJ stand as you and your friends get lost in the music. 

After a while your roommate leans over to whisper in your ear so you could hear her “Where is Cregan? I haven’t seen him,” She says and you look around curiously. Between the pregame and the jungle juice you had a nice buzz going as a smile took over your face. 

“I’m gonna go get some more juice and look for him I’ll be back,” You say as she nods and goes back to dancing. You find the kitchen to refill your cup and hopefully find Cregan. You walk into the space and look around the people in the room when your cup falls out of your hand. Tears burn at your waterline as you see Cregan and a girl pressed against the counter. Her arms are wrapped securely around his neck while his hands rest on her hips. You clench your fists tightly trying to prevent yourself from crying as you storm away to find your friends. 

Cregan pushes the girl away as she looks at him confused while he shakes his head “Sorry I’m not really into this. I’m looking for someone,” He says walking away and going back into the main room looking for you. You find your roommate whispering in her ear, 

“I’m ready to go. I need to leave,” You say and she looks at you confused but the glossy nature of your eyes has her nodding her head and taking your hand. Your two other friends stay as you two make your way back to the dorm and you explain what you saw. 

Despite being able to see over most of the people there it doesn’t help Cregan find you. It was almost midnight, you should have been here by now. He goes up to the DJ stand to ask Jace, 

“Did you see Y/n tonight?” He asks and Jace looks out at the crowd where you once were and sees only the two other girls you came with. 

“She was here with those girls over there but it looks like she’s gone,” Jace says going back to spinning and Cregan deflates. It looks out at the crowd defeated before he pulls out his phone text you. 

Cregan: Hey, you still coming tonight?

He waits and waits for a resposne but nothing. You see his text and choose to ignore it. When you don’t answer he finds it hard to find fun in this party deciding to call it early. You don’t answer any of Cregan’s texts all weekend and Sunday you send him a text

You: No sessions this week. 

Cregan reads the text waiting for an explantion that never comes. 

Cregan: Okay… is everything okay? 

You: Yup. Not feeling the best 

Cregan: Oh ok. Feel better 🙂

Cregan once again waits for a response that never comes. During the week he sends you a few tiktoks that remind him of you, and a couple questions about his class work. However, every one is left on delivered. Whatever bug you caught must have got you good. After practice Friday Cregan wanted to stop by to check up on you but suddenly realized he had no clue where you lived. Remembering Benjicot’s girlfriend was a friend of yours, he asked him to ask her for your building information. In the meantime, he went to the store to grab your favorite snacks, candies, and then employed the help of his sister to find out what else would make a sick girl feel better. By the time he gets back to his car, Ben has sent him your info which makes him smile. A short drive later Cregan finds himself standing before your door and suddenly paralyzed by nerves. What was he doing here? Sure you two had gotten closer in the last few weeks, but that didn’t mean you wanted to see him. You also hadn’t responded to him all week, maybe there was a good reason behind this. Maybe what you had was extremely contagious and he was compromising himself. This had to be one of his stupidest ideas yet. All of a sudden the plastic bag in his hand felt like a ton of bricks. But this whole week he’d missed you in a way he didn’t think possible. Without realizing it, you had gently woven yourself into Cregan's heart, becoming someone he cherished more than he ever thought possible. Before he had a chance to talk himself out of this anymore, your door opened and your roommate stood before him. She gulped before yelling over her shoulder, 

“Y/n! Someone’s here for you!” She fixes the bag on her shoulder before walking by him “Good luck,” She says walking away. Cregan looks at her confused then back through the door watching as you walk out your room. You didn’t look sick, maybe a little bit sad, but still gorgeous in his eyes. The door was beginning to close so Cregan stepped inside despite not being entirely invited in. He smiles as you get closer holding up the bag but before he can speak you hold up a hand cutting him off, 

“Why the hell are you here? I told you no sessions this week. Did your coach not get the email I sent him?” You ask as he looks at you confused. 

“Yes I know and yes he did but you said you were sick and you weren’t answering your texts. I figured you were really sick and I wanted to come check up on you and make sure you were okay. You seem fine and well I brought your favorite snacks,” He says trying his luck again holding up the bag with a smile but getting nothing but a glare back from you. 

“You really shouldn’t have. Like really shouldn’t have. You can take yourself, and your bag, and get the hell outta here,” You say and Cregan is now completely confused. You have never been this brash with him, even when he was sort of a dick at the beginning of your tutoring sessions. He drops his arm in defeat and tilts his head while looking at you, 

“Y/n what is going on? I’m starting to get the sense there is something more going on here,” Cregan says stepping closer to you. You laugh dryly looking at him, 

“No shit. I know you were pretty dumb but you have to be smarter by now,” You say and watch as Cregan takes a step back and you watch hurt immediately fill his eyes. Now you feel your heart wrench. You should not have said that. That cold feeling wraps around your spine the same way it did all those weeks ago at seeing the sad look in Cregan’s eyes. Despite how much you might be hurting that was a blow too low and you knew deep down you didn’t mean it. You pinch the bridge of your nose taking a deep breath “I’m sorry Cregan. That was- fucked up. You aren’t dumb I promise I’m just. I don’t want to speak to you,” You say looking at him again as he rests the bag on your coffee table. 

“Okay… Can I ask where this is coming from or are you going to call me dumb again?” He asks and you sigh suddenly feeling like the one that’s the dick. You cross your arms across your chest and let yourself speak without thinking, 

“Maybe you should ask the girl whose tongue you had down your throat. I’m sure she has all the answers you’re looking for,” You say snarkily while rolling your eyes at the image. Cregan feels his eye twitch because since the door opened he has only gotten more confused. He closes his eyes so he can think hard about what you’re talking about and then remembers on Saturday there was this random girl that kissed him. But he doesn’t know how you could have seen that because it lasted no more than thirty seconds. He did not want to kiss her, maybe you but you left before he could find you. 

“That random girl from the party? She kissed me first and it didn’t last very long. Why would you even care about it?” Cregan asks the big picture to all of this still lost to him. Y/n puts her head in her hands laughing before looking at him once again,

“You cannot be serious right now. You must be joking. Like this is some big prank right?” You ask as Cregan shakes his head no. “I like you stupid. Holy shit I fucking like you. A lot more than I should and I know this is what I get for liking an athlete and especially one of you hockey guys. All you do is play girls and break hearts and that’s what I get for liking you. Fucking stupid I am to think you would like me back. You’re right I don’t know why I would care about you kissing some random girl all I am to you is a means to an end. On that note you know how inappropriate this is because I literally tutor you so-” you are cut off by Cregan pressing a searing kiss to your lips. His large hand grips your hip while the other cups your face. After about a minute he pulls away to look at you. 

“Sorry, you were rambling. Y/n I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I know the reputation of the guys on my team. I’m here to tell you I’m not like them. At the moment that probably isn’t believable, but I promise I’ll do whatever it takes to prove you otherwise. I’m not here to break your heart, I don’t do that. Especially to a woman like you. You are truly one of a kind. I kissed her, but it ended almost as quickly as it began—because at that moment, I knew she wasn’t the one my heart truly longed for. That day in the library I should have told you this, but I was scared. I’m not scared now though. I don’t like you being mad at me, at all. Whatever by laws we are breaking by being together, fuck it. You are worth indefinite academic probabtion. I don’t wanna speak for you but I would like to see where this goes. Me and you. A relationship outside of you being my teacher.” He says with a smile at the end as you look at him smiling and then slap him softly which takes him by shock. 

“If I ever, ever catch you kissing another girl I’m cutting your dick off and I’m not fucking playing.” you say and Cregan thinks about laughing but your glare levels him and he nods his head quickly. Now it is your turn to smile and pull him to press another one of those searing kisses to your lips. It was everything you imagined it to be and more. You pull away to catch your breath and hold him close, “I hope you know this doesn’t mean I’m letting up on you at all,” You say and Cregan smile reflects yours. 

“I expected nothing less. I hope you know this means I will be accepting kisses as rewards for good grades. And maybe a little more later on.” he whispers pinching your butt and making you giggle before pressing his lips against yours one more time.

[yazis]

✧ - AVOIDANCE

summary: you ignore satoru after being convinced he’d never return your feelings, what happens when he does?

pairing: teen!satoru gojo x fem!reader

genre: fluff (angst if you’re sensitive??)

word count: around 3.5k

warnings: swearing (i think-), there's like one kiss as well

notes: wtf is this, not proofread so there's bound to be mistakes. shoko kept autocorrecting to shook while suguru kept autocorrecting to sugar 💀

"suguruuuu! she's still avoiding me!" the white-haired boy complained as he dropped onto the bed next to his best friend.

"you mean (y/n)?" suguru asked without sparing him a glance, eyes glued to his phone as he payed no mind to his friend as he carried on scrolling.

"obviously, who else?! i haven't had a proper conversation with her in ages and it's starting to piss me off!" satoru crossed his arms and furrowed his eyebrows in frustration which suguru rolled his eyes at.

"stop overreacting, it's only been a couple of days. i'm sure she just needs more time" he said which was true, it had only been 4 days.

“it feels like it’s been months - years even!” the six-eyes user continued to whine while suguru’s eyes twitched out of annoyance, he was close to kicking him out his room.

this behaviour had been going on for the past few days, satoru would come barging into suguru’s room uninvited and complain about the same thing every single time. you.

at this point, suguru wasn’t sure how many more days he would be able to last.

“well think about it, are you sure you haven’t done anything for her to start acting like this out of nowhere?” suguru tried to get satoru to stop complaining and maybe think about the situation for once.

suguru knew satoru hadn't actually done anything. in fact, he knew the reason as to why he was being avoided by her. in all honesty, he just wanted him to be quiet.

satoru’s protests died down a bit upon hearing his friend’s words. he sat up straight on the bed and placed a hand on his chin as his face scrunched up in thought.

"i don’t think so..." he mumbled. he shut his eyes and tried to jog his memory back to your past interactions incase he had made a mistake anywhere.

———

"hey (y/n)! wanna grab something to eat after class? this new bakery opened and we just have to try it!" satoru came up next to you, disabling his infinity and slinging his arm round your shoulder like he usually does.

for some reason however, he felt you tense up.

"um... i don't actually have any money with me. sorry." you uttered out not looking at him but instead trying to get out his grasp.

satoru straight away found this odd, normally you’d be just as excited as him to visit new stores, on top of that you always forced him to pay regardless. so why were you acting so strange?

"that's fine i'll pay!" he reassured keeping up his joyous aura, perhaps you were feeling sad and needed cheering up?

"oh uh... actually i have to go and clean my dorm, it’s kinda messy." you said and this time before he could respond you freed yourself from his grasp and rushed out the classroom towards your dorm leaving a confused satoru behind.

he stood still staring longingly at the door where you had exited ignoring the snickers that rose from shoko and suguru. were you okay? he could obviously tell you were lying, but maybe you had your reasons?

'she's probably just tired.'

is what he told himself, but he still couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong.

———

satoru wandered round the campus looking for you, it was yesterday when you oddly avoided him but today was now saturday. there was formally no class on saturdays but you guys were still set missions.

he soon stumbled upon an empty classroom and found you sitting there alone doing nothing in particular. unconsciously, he smiled to himself as he entered the room.

"(y/n)! i got assigned a mission but i don’t have anyone to go with, wanna come?” he asked. in reality, it was supposed a solo mission but his automatic response was to immediately come find you. the two of you were both well aware that he most likely didn’t need your help, truth be told he just wanted to spend more time with you.

you shuffled uncomfortably in your seat and played with your fingers as your eyes looked left and right, trying to avoid eye contact with him.

"i don't know i’m not feeling well... maybe next time gojo."

the male visibly froze at your words. gojo? what was with the last name? what the hell happened to calling him satoru and ‘toru and all those other silly nicknames?

was this some sort of prank? were you just joking about like you’d usually do? at least that’s what he hoped was the case.

he never got the chance to ask as you scurried off leaving him wondering again, were you okay?

———

satoru had ran back home as fast as he could after realising he had forgotten his lunch. he was planning on stealing from his three friends but suguru immediately shut off the idea forcing him to leave to fetch his lunch.

he returned at record speed and dramatically entered the classroom where you, suguru and shoko were already eating.

usually you’d sit next to him with shoko opposite you and suguru opposite him, but ever since friday you had swapped seats with shoko so you were next to him or opposite.

of course he noticed this but felt too embarrassed to say anything about it, the avoidance was still evident and he didn’t want to pressure you.

but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel annoyed

especially in this moment when he came in to see you laughing along with the other two, more so at suguru as you held onto his shoulder leaning into him trying to stabilise yourself from the amount of laughter.

the sight was an eyesore for him.

it wasn’t the fact that you were touching suguru so casually that annoyed him, no, you were all good friends and suguru knew of satoru’s crush on you.

the problem was the fact that he had not once seen you that comfortable with him ever since a few days ago. you never laughed him with like that nor even gave him a mere high-five. heck, you wouldn’t even look him in the eye anymore

an ugly feeling brewed inside his chest as he looked at sight, it was the first time he had felt something so - so horrid. never would he have thought he would ever actually feel jealous.

and he knew it was wrong. suguru was his best friend and he trusted him enough to know he didn’t have any intentions. but that didn’t help the feeling feel any less worse.

his dramatic entrance clearly wasn’t dramatic enough as none of you noticed his arrival, he quietly went to take his seat next to shoko and placed his lunch down on the table not uttering a word.

the laughter from the three of you died down upon satoru’s arrival. suguru and shoko quickly picked up on his behavior and asked him if he was alright knowing he was the type to be loud and make a scene.

you kept quiet but looked at him silently, painfully wishing you could say something. you cared about him, a little too much than you wanted but it hurt seeing him like this. he held his head low not saying anything at first until he looked up, straight at you.

his eyes met yours and you could’ve sworn you shivered. his eyes were always something that you weak, his sunglasses lay low of on the bridge of his nose revealing those endless cerulean eyes.

you quickly averted your to avoid his gaze, any longer looking his eyes and you were sure you would’ve melted right there. it wasn’t fair that he could make you feel so vulnerable with just a simple look.

sighing slightly you got up from your chair and picked up your lunchbox, you were more or less done anyway and didn’t want to sit around any longer. you definitely did not want satoru figuring out anything either.

but just as you were about to leave and head back to your dorm, your felt a hand grasp onto your wrist stopping you from leaving, you dreaded to look back as instead you looked down on the ground.

“are you okay (y/n)?” satoru asked his soft gaze on you, his voice barely above a whisper.

you looked up and past him at suguru and shoko giving them a distressed look in case they would come and help you but they both simply ignored you which you know they did on purpose.

satoru was still waiting for your response, he saw your eyes shift over back to the table but kept his eyes on you. you were forced to look back at him.

“i’m… fine goj-”

“gojo? what, are we on last name basis now (y/n)?” he cut you off before he could hear you finish off his last name. he hated it. if you acting distant wasn’t enough to show the distance between the two of you, calling him by his last name definitely was.

you probably called suguru by his first name.

feeling the grip on his hand suddenly tighten around your wrist made you wince slightly, but you shook him off and walked away.

“just leave me alone…”

———

satoru let out a sigh. none of it made sense, he was sure he hadn't done anything to trigger this behaviour, nothing that he could remember at least. it must of been someone else's doing...

he slowly turned his head towards his friend who seemed to be enjoying the silence now satoru had shut up.

would he..?

he was sure he wouldn’t, suguru wasn’t that type of person. but still he had to check.

"hey suguru..." the black haired boy noticed satoru from the corner of his eyes, he raised a brow and let out a small ‘hm’ to indicate that he was listening.

"did you maybe... tell (y/n) anything?" satoru asked quietly and they both kept quiet before suguru couldn’t help but laugh which satoru started to visibly panic.

"what, about what your massive crush on her? i wouldn’t be surprised if she already knew." he replied which only made the white-haired boy freak out even more.

"h-huh? but how?” satoru asked still in disbelief.

“are you serious? you’re so fucking obvious it hurts.” suguru said as he started laughing to himself.

to say satoru was at lost for words would be an understatement. realisation washed over him as he figured that probably why you were avoiding him.

"then, i have to go see her." he stated with his newfound confidence.

suguru immediately stopped laughing after hearing this and sat up as well. he faced satoru properly before speaking.

"satoru, i was only joki-"

"I need to go see her." he said standing up and off suguru's bed.

suguru frowned at this, you had told him and shoko the real reason for avoiding satoru and they agreed to keep quiet. but neither of them thought you were taking the right approach.

suguru wasn't sure why you didn't want to admit your feelings to satoru but he wanted to respect your decision regardless. of course, even though he was tempted to, he never told you that satoru returned your feelings. he was a loyal friend.

but him coming over to your dorm and forcing his feelings upon you? it was bound to go wrong somewhere, suguru could feel it, this was satoru we were talking about here. so he opened his mouth ready to stop him but closed it once he realised...

satoru had left.

~~~

"cmon (y/n), why won't you just tell him already?" shoko was in your dorm sat next to you on the floor for the nth time this week ushering you. at this point you were sick of hearing the same thing over and over again.

"shut up. it's not as easy you think..." you replied crossing your and looking down at the floorboards.

"but he likes you and you like him! why can't you two just be fucking normal for once and get together?" she groaned.

"he doesn't like me, stop making stuff up!" you shot back, you hated when she'd try and give you false hope.

she looked at you dumbfounded.

"please tell me your joking. that dork is always looking at you during class with the most lovestruck look ever, he always buys stuff for you, he always takes you out, every time you're gone on a mission that he can't tag along he looks so worried as if he's about to wet his pants-"

"he's just being a nice friend! if i start thinking about in that way then it'll be humiliating for me..." you said.

"a nice friend!? when do you see him doing all those things for me and suguru huh? just admit it (y/n) he's in love with you!"

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

you both slowly turn your heads towards the door of your dorm where the sound came from and heard a familiar voice from the other side.

"hey (y/n), you in there?" the voice called and you froze.

"shit it's him!" you panicked as shoko merely smirked.

"come on (y/n)! you can't avoid him forever. i'll go get the door" she said getting up and walking towards it.

"no!" you whisper-shouted but she made no hesitations in her movement.

you jumped onto your bed so you weren't within sight of satoru when the door opened as shoko made her way to go and open it.

"(y/n)- oh shoko what are you doing here?" gojo said trying to mask the look of disappointment on his face.

"hey satoru! me and (y/n) were just talking about you." she said grinning widely confusing satoru.

"ok... well, is she still here? i kinda wanted to speak to her." he said rubbing the back of his neck.

shoko turned around to be face you, you formed your arms in an 'x' position and shook your head vigorously indicating that she should say no.

it was either she must've misunderstood or she ignored it (probably the latter). either way she turned around to satoru and said:

"yep she's still here!"

you were definitely going to kill shoko later.

———

the silence in the room was deafening.

shoko had left leaving just the two of you there alone together. you sat on your bed as satoru sat on the floor.

this was most likely the awkwardest interaction you had had with him. even when the two of you first met as first years last year it wasn't awkward. you two hit off straight away and had been best friends ever since.

was it your fault for wanting something more?

you tried to look anywhere but at him, which was hard when he was staring at you intently with his sharp blue eyes.

when one time your eyes happened to lock with his, you gulped nervously as you both stared at each other, no words being said.

you noticed the look on satoru's face had changed, turning into one of worry and guilt. the sight of this made you frown but you were still too scared to say anything.

is he mad at me?

of course he's mad at you, he has every right to be. you've been giving him the cold shoulder for the last few days with no explanation of course he's mad-

"(y/n), did I do something wrong?" his voice cracked a little at the end breaking you out of your train of thoughts.

it pained you greatly to see him so fragile. this was satoru gojo we were talking about. one of the, if not the strongest sorcerers around. the power to probably destroy the school if he wanted.

yet there he was, sitting cross-legged in front of you and on the verge of tears. the sight almost made you too tear up, you had never felt so guilty before.

"no! you haven't done anything..." you quickly said looking at him before looking away once again.

"then why? why won't you look at me? why won't you talk to me? why are you avoiding me?" he said raising his voice a little but it still had a weak undertone to it.

you didn't know how to respond. you most definitely weren't going to explain the truth and spill your unrequited feelings for him just for this whole situation to get worse.

instead you hung your head low and fiddled with your fingers nervously. struggling to find any words at all. it was pathetic really.

but then, out of nowhere, your crush came straight up to you and clasped your hands in his.

you looked up at him at loss for words and mouth agape. he was looking back at you, his azure eyes showing signs of hurt, desperation and... love?

"please (y/n)," he started "you mean so much to me, i can't just let this- us, go." he pleaded looking you straight in the eye, not backing down for a second.

"i- uh i-" you stammered as your face flushed with embarrassment. you never thought he would care so much, that was until he next statement came.

"i like you (y/n). i mean it, i really do. i know you might've figured it out already but i just wanted to say tell you myself." he said going over your hands with his thumb, a soft smile on his face as he caressed them.

the way he called your name, the way he looked at you, the small blush on his face that was hard to miss. all these small details you suddenly started noticing you got you thinking the thing you wouldn't dare to hope.

he likes me back..?

you were so shocked that you didn't realise that you hadn't given him a response yet. satoru took this silence as a bad sign and let go of your hands, backing up a bit. his face morphing into one of regret.

'of course she doesn't feel the same, she's been ignoring me this whole time.'

"look, just forget i said anything." he let out a sigh "sorry what was I thinking-"

"i like you too, satoru." you cut him off giving him a smile. the one thing he longed for that he hadn't received from you in a long time.

a smile also tugged at his lips when his name left your lips and fell upon his ears, another thing he had longed for.

he quickly embraced you in a tight hug pushing you onto your back as you both lay on top of your bed, his head hidden in the crook of your neck.

the two of you stayed there holding each other for a while, taking in each other's presence. both silently glad that things weren't just back to normal, they were better.

he suddenly broke the hug for a second, pulled away and just simply looked at your face. you watched to see his eyes slowly wander down to your lips and then back up to your eyes, leaning in closer ever so slightly so that the two of you were face to face. he gave you a loving look as he place his palm on your cheek.

"can i...?" he murmured bringing his head closer so your noses were practically touching, you could feel his warm breath on your lips as he asked the question.

smiling nervously, you gave him a small nod. after receiving permission then wasted no time capturing your lips in a kiss.

both of your eyes flutter shut as his lips moved slowly against yours, his hands trailed to hold your waist as you put your own arms around his neck.

he pressed slightly harder into you as the kiss goes deeper, it was as if all the pent up desperation and seclusion from the past few days was all being poured out.

he kissed you with emotion, to show you that he really meant it.

and you felt like he meant it as well.

after a while when you had both ran out of breath, you pulled apart, you panted slightly as he let out a few shaky breaths but you both continued to stare deep into each other's eyes. as if being lost in each other's gaze was all you ever wanted to do.

he gave you a stupid grin before hugging you once more.

"i love you, (y/n)" he said in gentle voice slightly gripping harder onto your back as if he was afraid to let you go.

you hugged him back just as tight smiling to yourself. you never would've thought things to end up this way...

"i love you too, 'toru" you whispered back.

...but you definitely aren't complaining.

all right reserved © please do not copy any of my works!

[lustlovehart]

since reqs are still open i have a thought,,,,

scara/wanderer falling in love with reader all over again after he forgets them and everything else after the attempt of becoming god feel free to ignore those

A/n: For the sake of this request, he forgets who he is for months instead of just a day.

Summary: He’s had no name for so long, maybe his salvation is the voice that has remained in his head. Though, it seems that voice has turned to reality.

Warnings: Told from his perspective, Wanderer without his memories, but bonus is when he does get them back, Spoilers for Sumeru, Scara wants to kill Dottore, Jealousy, Kinda corny

Puppets are meant to have strings, and yet he is forced to lift his limbs on his own. Puppets have puppeteers make them do what they must yet he has to think for himself.

It makes sense, yet why is he left to walk without a purpose.

It feels like he's forgotten something from his past, yet there is no past for him to remember.

"Kuni... Have you... that isn't my... Huh...? You're just embarrassed I... pictures... Didn't hide... Okay... Think it's sweet... from you...!"

It's like his brain only had memories of some broken past he could no longer recall. Yet, he still finds some worth in the broken words that echo in his head.

"Uhm sir...? Can you please hand me that sunsettia? I have the Mora for it."

His trance is quickly dissipated as the voice in front of him is sounded. It feels familiar yet he doesn't have it saved in his brain.

"Huh...? Oh sure."

With no sure background on himself, nor any real idea of how he came to be, he's stuck working many jobs. His finger tips quickly brush against the hand in front of him, it felt like static rushed up to his chest, though he lacked a heart it felt as if there was one there.

"Thank you, I'll be taking my leave, so, have a good day." Familar...

"Sunsettias and Bulle fruit are kinda different huh? In fontaine, there's this certain candy made out of it, have you ever had it Kuni? No? I'll bring you some when I go back! You wanna come too...? Wha?! Don't act like you didn't say that! Hey don't walk away from me!"

Before he could reach out and ask for your name, you had already walked away from him. It didn't feel like the first time it had happened either.

A week later, all he could remember was that single interaction. His fingers still tingling whenever he remembered you.

It's as if he had some third sense for you, the moment you step into the bazaar his eyes quickly looked toward the direction you had cam in from.

"What is your name" his hands cling onto your wrist, even though you weren't planning to leave any time soon, almost like he felt as if he let go you would disappear once more.

"Wha...?" You're still not too caught up in what it is exactly he's asking so your don't answer, only quirking your eyebrow at him.

"Name?"

"Mine? It's [Name]...?" He quietly whispers it under his breath, like a mantra, a prayer. When he says your name again it's like it melts off his tongue.

Like you belong there on his lips.

"Am I in trouble? I promise i didn't steal anything from the stand sir!"

"What? No no, It's not that." He pauses before he speaks, a little hesitant while he thinks of his wording to dish out, how does he ask without coming off as weird? "I think... You're... You seem familiar."

"Hm? Well I do get supplies here often so maybe that's it-"

"Can we have dinner later?"

"Wait wha? Well, I mean we can, but I only know you as the vendor here, so that's kinda sudden is it not...?" He takes what you say into consideration, but only shrugs his shoulders.

"It probably is but, I wanna talk to you more." He couldn't let the opportunity slip between his fake fingers, for such a long time since he had awoken, it's like your voice had been in his head for such a long time.

No, not like... Your voice has been with him.

------

Months had passed by in such a hurry, yet he still had no title to go by. He didn't have anything attached to his person, so he told you the name he remembers feint whispers of.

"Kuni...?"

He can tell in your expression the name is familiar on your tongue, but does not hold any memories in your head. He doesn’t mind though, it's nice to hear you adress him, even if if the name you speak isnt one he remembers.

It doesn't take long before occasionally meets up turned into daily hang outs. There wouldn't be a second where you two weren't attached by the hips.

The two of you sit on the highest branch of the tree located at port ormos, your head rested on his shoulders while the wind calmly brushes by the two of you.

"Kuni." He doesn’t give you an answer but you can feel his eyes bore into you.

"I have to leave next week. Something urgent came up and… My job needs me to leave sumeru for some time, i’m not sure how long though." His expression doesn’t give too much away, but when you lift your head to look at him, the slight squint in his eyes is all you need to know he’s upset by it. “Don’t give me that look, it probably isn’t gonna be for more than a month anyway so i’ll be back soon.” He turns his head away from you, presumably to hide whatever look he has splayed on his face.

“Don’t be like that, besides, it’s my birthday soon. It’ll give you time to prepare for when I get back.” He still doesn’t answer you. A sigh leaves your throat before your hand reaches up to his face, pulling it closer to your lips as a quick peck is placed on his cheek. It’s enough to stun him a bit, watching his brain short circuit in real time while a smile cracks on your mouth.

“What would you want anyway? You’re not too open about your wants.” It’s nice to know he cares. Though you don't give him a straight answer, once again deciding to mess with him.

"Who knows, maybe I want you-" it doesn't take long before a palm pushes your face mid sentence. "Wha?! I was gonna ask for food."

With the way his face is turned, you'll never notice the way his face is warmed. He's sure if he had one, his chest would be beating sporadically.

He hopes the two of you can last.

------

Bonus:

It had been awhile since he had last seen you, 2 weeks maybe? At the time, when you had told him on your little date, he didn’t think much of it, he had only the memories of the clothes on his back to stick to, so he really believed it was for a simple job.

But with his memories back, he knows what your "job" truly is. Formerly, you were his assistant back in his harbinger days, but now that he is no longer the ballader, he can only seethe in silence at the thought of you being a differnt harbingers aid.

He might even go insane if he finds out you're to be working under The Doctor.

God Forbid, he finds out that man has been messing with you, he'll gladly become a god once more if that means he can protect you, or better yet, destroy him.

Instead of his hiding spot being a place to relax, he's now left with the thought of Dottore in his mind, it makes his hands curls into balls, grassblades ripping apart at how tight he's clutching his fists, he's sure if he was human there would no doubt be blood pouring out-

A sudden weight had jumped on him from behind, arms quickly tightening around him, a familar head coming into view.

"I finally found you." His eyes are right in front of your own, like your eyes are locked onto his and he can't look away from you. "I was worried, about you, ever since I had come back yesterday, you weren't at the usual spot."

Of course he wouldn't be. He had finally remembered his past sins, he no longer felt worthy enough to lay by your side.

But he still had some sense to at least protect you from the shadows.

"I just felt like changing the scenery is all."

"Hm? You've never wanted to do that before. Did something happen?"

His fingers... His fake fingers, tightly grip onto your very real arm.

"Maybe I've grown a hatred for doctors, is that not reasonable?"

"Huh...?? It's certainly random to change a spot for that reason that's for sure."

"If a certain doctor had any copies of himself, I would've loved to rip him to pieces."

"Okay future serial killer..."

He doesn't answer, maybe... Maybe it's best you don't remember his past atrocities with him.

"Perhaps you're one too [Name], who knows, maybe you're just as bad as me."

Your head leans forward, resting your chin on his shoulder while he talks.

"If that's the case, we really are meant to be huh?"

He let's a laugh escape his throat, not the usual one he lets out, filled with joy, it's filled with something more sinister, menacing? Yet it's still filled with some love for you.

"Yeah, that might be why we're together again."

"Again? Did you date a doppelganger?"

"Just sit down."

" Oh wow, that's some new attitude."

---

Wanderer before he got his memories back would probably be really awkward so I tried to incorpate that. (I wrote this really sporadically, so there's probably a lot of mistakes and really rushed I'm so sorry 😔)

[wooahaes]

dream a little dream with me

pairing: non-idol!jeonghan x gn!reader

prompt: soulmate au series. 9/13

word count: 4.7k~

warnings: skinship. food mentions. some slight angst.

daisy’s notes: oh to have a soulmate i meet with in my dreams...

summary: Jeonghan knows you. He might not know your face, but you’re the person in his dreams every night. And frankly… he’s pretty sure he’s already falling for you. He just has to figure out how to find you when the world won’t let him trade names or locations or anything he can actually use. At least he knows your favorite things…

"Hello...?"

Jeonghan was maybe thirteen when he finally met you for the first time, and you'd already proven him wrong with your existence alone. When he had turned ten, he expected to feel... something. To lose all the colors within his vision, or maybe he would feel your pain or something physical. A name, your first thoughts, your first words... Except he felt nothing. It'd upset him, sure--most people were upset by that kind of thing just on the account of being considered an outsider to their peers. Yet now he'd found himself in a museum filled with paintings he couldn't fully make out, and surrounded by people with blurry faces... Except for you.

He'd blinked. "Hello?"

And you lit up, making your way over to him. "You're...?"

Jeonghan had furrowed his brow, watching you carefully. Why could he see you...? "I'm Jeonghan," he had said, thinking that was what you meant.

You'd given him your given name, too--last name melting into white noise for a second. For a moment, you stood there, brimming with excitement. "We're--We're soulmates."

Immediately, he'd felt lighter at the revelation. "Oh!" Then he paused, brows drawing together once more as a follow-up thought pushed into his head immediately. "Why haven't we met before?"

He'd seen the way you grew more upset, gaze no longer meet his own. "I'm... It's complicated." You wrapped your arms around yourself. "I think... Our sleep schedules don't overlap?" You looked up. "I laid down to take a nap for a bit because I was feeling sick, so..."

So you weren't near him. He felt a sting of rejection, even though you hadn't said anything of the sort.. Emotions were weird at thirteen, after all, and something like his soulmate not being near him. Obviously, it wasn't your fault: you didn't pick where you lived. He looked around, and felt... awkward. It was different than meeting someone for the first time in reality. At least other people were around. Now, it just you and him in this dream together.

"Do you wanna talk?" He said after a moment. "Since... I don't know if I'll get to see you again."

"You aren't mad?"

He shook his head. "I just wish you were closer," he crossed his arms. "This isn't fair."

You frowned. "It's not... So let's talk."

The two of you strolled on your own, getting to know one another. He learned the country you were from, even though he wouldn't know what city or town you were in. He learned about this doughnut place in your hometown, though, that you loved to visit when you could. He told you school stories and about his own friends, about the pranks he'd pulled on his little sister... Little things to learn about one another. He learned your favorite color, you learned the foods he disliked...

And then all too soon, you had disappeared within seconds. He had called for you, only to realize that you must have woken up--or been woken up, since it was so sudden. When he woke up the next morning for school, he told his parents that he'd met his soulmate in his dreams (even though he couldn't fully remember your face once he was awake).

Thus began the cycle. He probably needed the naps he would start taking in an attempt to meet you again, but he'd grown used to pushing through his fatigue to work on schoolwork or to spend time with friends. Yet his parents always knew where he'd be when they came home from work, finding him asleep on his bed as he hoped to meet you again.

Sometimes it worked. Sometimes he could sit with you for a little while, long enough to see you off before you woke up for your own schooling. Other times, he'd get home far too late to see you. But every time the two of you met over the rest of your teenage years, you made it work. The two of you would talk more about yourselves, getting to know each other better. He learned how to tell when you were upset, and would let you vent if you needed to. You'd given him a space to talk freely about his own feelings, too: the things that made him happy, or the things that were worrying him in real life...

Most people didn't know about his 'other' life in his dreams. The one where the two of you would go on walks in a city, sometimes holding hands. He'd slowly begun to fall for you over time, realizing that the care you showed him was sweet. The two of you had been strangers years ago, and now he understood maybe that was why the two of you were soulmates.

When he tried to kiss you around eighteen, you stopped him.

"I wanna kiss you for real," you said to him, holding his hands. "I know it's unfair to ask you to wait for me, but--"

"I will." He hadn't hesitated. Although he had kissed a girl once before (he was fifteen, and he realized after he did it that he'd much rather be kissing the person in his dreams) and told you so, he'd held off on dating. He wanted to experience things with you.

You'd squeezed his hands. "You don't have to."

Were you rejecting him...? What if he started dating someone and he loved them more than he already loved you? Part of him felt like he knew he would leave that person if he met you face-to-face, and yet... That meant he would hurt someone else. He'd heard stories about soulmates who left partners to be with one another, and while they were happy, the people left behind grew to resent them. Could he really do that to another person?

"You don't want me to?" He'd pulled his hands from yours, feeling the tiny sting in his chest.

You shook your head. "No, I--I just don't want you to wait around for me forever. What if we never meet?"

But what if we do? Jeonghan felt his heart sink in his chest. "We will," he said. Jeonghan never considered himself a hopeless romantic, but he had the naivete of a eighteen-year-old on his side. "I'll find you. I promise."

Before you could say something, you had begun to fade again. You were waking up. "Jeonghan--"

And then you were gone.

The first person Jeonghan had told about you was one of his college roommates, Joshua. He'd been listening to the way he'd been venting about how he felt he was annoying his soulmate whenever he sang, and waited until Seungcheol left for class to finally admit it out loud. He'd tell Seungcheol, too, soon: he just... needed to do it at his own pace. Both of his roommates seemed like good people who wouldn't judge him, but he'd already decided. Joshua first, and then Seungcheol. Deciding on that had made it easier, especially since Seungcheol was the busier of the two.

"My soulmate and I share dreams," he had said, pushing around the noodles in his ramyeon cup.

Joshua looked up. "Oh. Really?"

He nodded. "We talk whenever we can. It's hard. They're not from here. Depending on when I take a nap, I can either talk to them for a while or just ten minutes..."

"It sounds hard," Joshua nodded along. He'd sat backwards in his chair, leaning against the back of it with his chest, arms folded over the top. "So what are you doing to find them?"

Jeonghan said nothing.

"... Aren't you going to look for them?"

Jeonghan's gaze flickered up from his food. "I don't know. I don't know if they actually want to be found."

"That's--"

"We talked about it last time we met, a little over a year ago." He pushed around noodles more, never actually eating. "I'm in love with them. I don't know how they feel, although they said they'd rather kiss me for real when we meet. Then they said not to wait for them."

"It sounds like they're in love with you, too," he said.

Jeonghan rolled his eyes. "Then why tell me not to wait?"

"Well... They're not from here." Joshua rested his chin on his arms. "Maybe they don't want you to feel like you can't date or anything."

"Don't you think I've tried it before?" Jeonghan looked up. "After they said that, I tried to move on, and I spent the entire time comparing her to my soulmate. She's not them."

Joshua frowned. "Dude... If you spend the entire time comparing, them, you're not going to be happy--"

"I know that." Jeonghan let out a sigh. "I just... I tried being with other people. She wasn't the only girl I tried to date--or see at all." They're just my soulmate, and I realized how much I love them every time I try to be with someone else. But would Joshua understand that...? Or would he just sound over-dramatic for someone he'd never met in person?

"I... see." Joshua looked off. "I guess it's different when you know your soulmate."

Jeonghan softened a little when he saw the guilt on Joshua's face. "It's fine," he said. "I just... I wish I could go to them. I don't know where they are, exactly, and it's not like I can go find them."

Can't you? He pushed away the thought. The world was big. .He couldn't just go out and find you--at least, not without looking like a creep. As much as he wished he could just let go of that desire deep within him to be with you, even temporarily, he just couldn't. Not when he'd gotten to know you so deeply. He felt as though a part of him would always be with you now, and that he carried you with him wherever he went.

Joshua understood, though. He listened, and he gave Jeonghan his thoughts whenever he asked for him. Seungcheol would eventually do the same, once Jeonghan told him about his soulmate. Seungcheol hadn't shown any offense to not being told (it was Jeonghan's business, after all). And in the moments in-between, Jeonghan was with you in some way--either thoughts preoccupied with you or in the fleeting moments of sharing a dream space.

"I kissed someone," you confessed at one point. Jeonghan had been sitting underneath a tree with you, fashioning a flower crown out of the little yellow blossoms that littered the ground around him. You craned your neck to look at him, "Are you mad...?"

He shook his head. "Do you like this?"

At first, you didn't move, and he felt his heart falter. "I dunno," you confessed a moment later. "I feel like... Every person I meet, I keep comparing them to you. Like... Hannie would laugh at this joke. Or Hannie would think this. It's like... I can't get you out of my head."

His heart skipped a beat this time as he stared at you, his face growing redder by the second. "... Really?"

"I... I dunno. It's just--I don't want you to think I'm some sort of loser when we meet."

When. Not if. "So you want to find me?"

He saw the way you grew more flustered, eyes landing anywhere but him as you pushed yourself up so that you were sitting. "Yes. Are you mad?" You finally met his gaze. "I mean... I think I hurt you before. When I told you not to wait for me? And we never talked about it, so..."

Jeonghan set the flower crown into his lap, reaching out to cup your cheek. "I'm not mad," he said softly. "Not anymore."

"So you were mad."

He nodded a little after a moment. "At first..." He drew his hand back, shifting over so that he could sit closer to you. "At first I was hurt," he said, "because I thought you didn't want to find me. And... And I really wanted to kiss you, so I thought you were rejecting me, and.. I talked to my friends about it and they told me that it was alright to feel hurt, but that I was making assumptions about how you felt. So..." He dropped his hand down, pressing his palms into the grass. "How do you feel?"

"I've always wanted to meet you," you said outright. "But... I was talking to a few friends, and they kept asking questions about where you lived, and whether we'd get the chance to meet. It felt kinda mean," you moved closer, pressing your back against the tree, so that you could sit next to Jeonghan. "Like... They don't get a guarantee that they'll meet their soulmates. What makes us different?"

"Well, we know each other," he said, hand slipping into your own. "It's easier to accept things if you don't know your soulmate."

"I guess," you nodded along. "But... I dunno, it just made me anxious that we'd never be able to find each other."

"We will," Jeonghan said softly. "We'll make it work. I want to try."

Your hand curled around his, squeezing it tighter. "I want to try, too," you said, firm in what you were committing to. "Hannie?" You paused for a moment, "Jeonghan...? I want to be with you. I know we've never met in person, but can we...?"

He nodded. "Yes," he breathed out, reaching his other hand up to turn your face toward him. "May I...?"

You closed the distance between the two of you. It left him wondering if your lips would be this soft in reality. The last thing he heard was the sound of you saying his name, about to say something else when he found himself back in his couch, heart racing in his chest. He had jolted forward, fully awake out of nowhere, enough that it alerted Joshua and Seungcheol. The two were sitting at their little dinner table when they turned to see Jeonghan.

"... Bad dream?" Joshua called out.

Jeonghan just bolted to his bedroom, shutting himself in as he processed what all just happened. You kissed him. You wanted to be more. You wanted to find him.

And, fuck, he was going to do anything to find you now.

Most people gave Jeonghan weird looks when he explained his relationship to them. Yes, he hadn't met you in real life yet. No, it didn't really do anything to the relationship--it limited your dates, sure, but you had fun manipulating the dreamscape together to go wherever you wanted to go. Amusement parks with no waits for the rides, or this little cafe in your hometown, or a lovely park at night that Jeonghan walked through alone and wished you were there with him in reality. There were plenty of downsides, sure--neither of you could taste the food that you were eating, or feel the wind on your face--but you made it work and resolved to live these out once you found your way to each other. Sometimes people tried to challenge him: how could he have a relationship entirely with someone in his dreams? Didn't he miss the physical contact?

Which... The answer was a resounded 'yes,' but also it was none of their business. The two of you made it work, end of story. He'd eventually had a friend circle that accepted his relationship with his soulmate, although he'd become insistent that (when Seungkwan met his soulmate) his experience didn't count. That the two of you had agreed that your 'day one' of your relationship would be the day that you met face to face, just to make it easier to pin down a date. Everyone else had a date they could use as an anniversary, and you... Well, you and Jeonghan were different.

Although things had changed years later. All he knew at first was that he went to sleep one night, and you were there.

"... Jeonghan?"

And he'd stared at you, your name slipping from his mouth as he rushed over to you. "Are you sick again?" He frowned. "Honey, I wish I could be there to--"

"No, I... I moved. Remember?"

Right. You... You told him that you were moving for a job opportunity. It'd saddened him a little in the moment because both of you knew it'd make meeting harder, and yet all of that seemed to fade away in an instant.

"So you're...?" He didn't want to speak it aloud. What if it weren't true? What if...?

You nodded slowly. "I think... I'm closer," you said. "I'm in--"

The next few words seemed to dissolve into nothing, like his brain refused to register them. Jeonghan took your face into his hands, tears wetting his cheeks as he shook his head. Why can't it just work? Why can't their connection just let them have this now? You were closer to him. That should mean that the two of you can freely talk, and yet all he could hear was muffled words that he couldn't make out at all.

"We can't," he said, "we'll just... We'll have to find a way without saying names."

It broke his heart every time he saw you cry, and this time was worse. You nodded, though, hands coming up to hold his. "We'll find a way," you said. "Saturdays. I'll... I'll wait for you somewhere." Another name became muffled when you spoke it aloud, and you loudly swore as you broke away from him. "Coffee," you said, turning to him. "I'll... I'll always go to the same place near--" Again, your voice cut out. "Fuck--Just start looking, and--and we'll figure it out if it doesn't work."

"You'll stay there?" He watched you carefully. "All day?"

An eager nod, motivated by how close the two of you were now. "All day. Every Saturday until I find you."

And so it began.

Jeonghan... truly underestimated how many coffee places existed in this fucking city. But he went out every Saturday morning and spent hours upon hours searching for you. For months, that search came up empty. Joshua had offered to help, but Jeonghan turned both he and Seungcheol (and everyone, for that matter) down. He needed to find you himself. Maybe it was hubris, or maybe it was because he wanted to be the first one to meet you... He wasn't exactly sure anymore. A mix of both, perhaps. You could meet his friends in time, but Jeonghan didn't want anyone else to see you in person before he did. He'd known you this long. He'd been with you this long. He needed to be the first one to see you.

Three months ago, Chan met his soulmate. How much longer would it take for Jeonghan to find you? He approached the last place on his list for today, night having already fallen upon him. Maybe he'd change places with you, and have you running around looking for him. He'd try to pick somewhere more niche, though, just to make it easier on you. Jeonghan tucked his hands into his jacket pocket, staring down at his phone as he followed the directions to this place. It was a little out of the way, but maybe if he made it in time, he'd be able to swing by the bigger place not far from there. It closed earlier, sure, but it usually had way more foot traffic from what he could tell.

The thought that had been haunting him hit him again: would you even like him when you saw him in person? It'd been something stupid that popped into his head one Saturday a month ago, but it still shook him a little more than he expected. He'd seen you in so, so many dreams; he'd been with you, dating you, and yet it felt like there was a degree of separation. Those were his dreams with you, this was the real world where other people would get in the way. Where he couldn't just go to that cafe in your hometown with you, giggling about a silly joke one of you cracked, without having to travel to get there. He'd confessed his fears to Joshua once day, and Joshua had just stared at him.

"But you're in love with them."

"I know, but what if they don't love me once they see me?" Jeonghan had been curled up on Joshua's couch that night, a blanket draped around him. He toyed with the edge of it, fingers curling around the plush material. "It's different, I think."

Joshua pinched the bridge of his nose. "Oh my god. You're so stupid."

"Hey--"

"Jeonghan." Joshua turned, entirely serious as he leaned in, "They love you, dumbass. I know your dreams are magical or whatever, but they still like being with you. You told me they trust you enough to cry on you and tell you about how bad work was, or about friend troubles, or enough to just say they need to cry because of stress. If things change when they see you, they weren't really in love with you. Dreams are whatever--you're still you."

Jeonghan had said nothing at first, letting the words sink in. Then when he looked up, he saw Joshua looking off into the distance, eyes fluttering shut for a moment. "They're singing, aren't they?"

Joshua cracked a smile. Jeonghan knew him well enough. "It's quiet," he said, "but... Yeah. They are."

Jeonghan knew that while Joshua was the one who sang more often in his relationship, he truly loved whenever his soulmate would sing. He knew that Joshua had told them that, and they chose to indulge him in it a little more often. Jeonghan should take a video or a picture of this and send it to them: you broke your soulmate, btw, come get him. Then again... Joshua definitely had ammunition of his own. Videos of times where Jeonghan had woken up in a pleasant mood because he'd gone on a date with you yet again, always ending with Joshua telling the camera that he was ready for the two of you to meet already.

At the end of the street on the left. Jeonghan had begun to hurry at this point, already feeling his heart sinking in his chest. No. No, no, no, fuck--The lights were out, and no one was inside despite the website saying that this place stayed open for another two hours. There had been a piece of paper taped up on a window that said something about one of the coffee machines breaking down and causing a big enough mess that they'd have to close for the night. Shit. What if this had been the one? What if you were inside when the coffee machine broke, spraying hot coffee everywhere? What if you had been burned? Jeonghan wanted to kick himself for not getting here sooner, but he looked at the other shop that closed in less than ten minutes. Fuck. Next Saturday for sure. Maybe that would be the one.

He did what he always did. He called Joshua, and told him that, yet again, he had failed to find you.

"Aw. I'm sorry, dude," Joshua had said. "Are you sure you don't want us to help out?"

Before Jeonghan could respond, Seungcheol had spoken up, "We will! Just tell us where to go, and we'll find them. There's too many places for you to do it on your own. Stop being stubborn about this."

Jeonghan chuckled softly, glad that he had friends who cared so deeply about him. "No, it's fine. We'll find each other soon. I can feel it. We'll talk about it tonight and see if they can give me any details."

Of course, you hadn't before. Whatever was keeping the two of you from finding each other made sure of that. But they didn't need to know how many failed attempts Jeonghan had made at this point.

"Are you sure?" Seungcheol sighed. "I just don't want you to feel like you need to do this alone. We're all here for you. If you say the word to Seungkwan--"

Another warm chuckle. "He'll storm every shop himself," Jeonghan said. "That's why I haven't told anyone else yet. You know Mingyu would go out searching without telling any of us."

"You sound exhausted," Joshua spoke up after a moment. "Want one of us to pick you up?"

"I'll just take the bus. I think I'll plan my next move during the ride." Jeonghan tucked his other hand back into his pocket. He needed the time to lick his wounds and pick himself back up, too. "Maybe... I'll figure out a new plan."

"Just call me if you change your mind," Seungcheol said. "Get home safely."

"I will," Jeonghan said, and ended the call. He shoved his phone into his pocket, and let out a sigh.

Okay. Another failed Saturday. Jeonghan wouldn't lose hope, though: he'd find you soon enough. It wouldn't be as soon as he planned, but he would find you, and he would kiss you, and he'd never let anything tear the two of you apart like this ever again. Even with work trips and vacations and whatnot, Jeonghan would be happy to see your face again outside of his dreams.

The bus had slowed to a stop, and Jeonghan climbed on before taking a seat near the back. He leaned against the window, watching the city crawl by once the bus had lurched forward again. If the two of you could pick something less common, maybe you'd find one another sooner. He leaned against the window, watching the city crawl by as his eyelids began to droop. Next Saturday. He hugged himself tighter. Next Saturday would be the day. He had to find you then. Or maybe it was time to let his friends help him find you. What was the point of being stubborn about it all when he was taking away days he could be falling in love with you all over again?

"Hello...?"

He must have dozed off on the bus again, the sound of your voice making him open his eyes.

"Hey, sorry to bother you, but when's your stop?"

You must have been teasing him again. "Wherever you want it to be," he said, the words rolling off his tongue as easily as they always do. It was always easy to say such things to you. He looked up, and pauses, mind fuzzy for a moment. "Sorry, I thought you were my..."

And then it's clear. There you stood in front of him, one hand gripping the seat next to him and the other on the one in front of it. Your eyes widened as realization hit you, and Jeonghan was already rising out of his seat. The bus driver yelled something back at the two of you, but Jeonghan wasn't listening. And it seemed like you weren't, either.

"Good morning, Hannie," you teased lightly, already smiling at him.

Jeonghan only leaned in, thrilled that you closed the distance between the two of you. He cupped your face in his hands, nose brushing against yours as he tasted something sweet on your lips. Tea, he thought, or maybe some sort of dessert involving matcha or something. Your body was warm underneath his touch and so much more real than he'd ever dreamed of. But what about you? Did he live up to your dreams?

"I love you," he said softly when he drew back. Emotions surged in his chest: relief, joy, love. The freedom of no longer having to search for you crashed over him in waves, and he felt himself tear up. He roughly wiped his face on his sleeve, sniffling as he tried to hold back now. This wasn't how he wanted either of you to remember your first meeting, with him about to sob.

Yet all it took was seeing you cry for him to break, pulling you into his arms as he held you tight. The bus driver yelled back again, and he just reached back frantically, pressing the button to signal for the two of you to get off as soon as you could. And he left with you, hand in hand, as the two of you stepped out underneath the stars, already falling in love with one another all over again.

taglist: @twancingyunhao @wonuziex @synthetickitsune @staranghae @porridgesblog @weird-bookworm @bangchansbae @laylasbunbunny

[heavyhitterheaux]

Dead End

Gif by @harlowgifs 💕

Synopsis: After learning a secret that Scalvo was keeping from you, it leads you both to make a decision regarding it. If everything goes well, the two of you will be together forever. However, if something goes wrong, you might have to live your life without him.

Pairing: Scalvo x Reader

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Read Part 1 and Part 2 first

Scalvo didn’t know how to feel about what your father had told him after he had walked away from him and got into his range rover before exiting the parking garage. After he slid into the driver's seat of his own car and began making his way to meet up with Cobby and Rory, his mind was on overdrive. But the last thing that he ever wanted to do was for you to think that anything was wrong.

Staying away from you?

Your father would probably actually have to kill him for that to even become a reality. He just got you back and didn't plan on letting you go ever again. Scalvo did know that your father's connections ran deep, but he simply wasn't sure how deep. And that's probably where he would need help.

Your father wouldn't be able to do anything about him being with you unless he exposed him for what he really was.

As far as he knew, he had put a number of innocent people in jail and left them there to rot, but that couldn’t possibly be all that he's done over the years. Simply because people HATED this man. Word on the street was if your lawyer was going up against him, that he would definitely lose and that your ass was going to jail.

After the job he was going to do with Cobby and Rory and then figuring out everything with your dad, he was going to be done with this life. He had no idea where he was going to start making that a reality, but as long as he had you by his side he was going to make it happen.

It seemed like you two would argue more and more about what his job entailed after you had figured it out and he would always tell you,

Princess, just one more job

But ever since he told you that the first time, it has turned into many more.

A lot of times, he would wait until you were asleep and simply sneak out of the apartment to do a job and worry about you yelling at him later which would always happen once you woke up and found him missing. His phone would be going off repeatedly because you were about to rip him a new one.

“Hello?”

“Your ass better have a good reason as to why you're not in bed next to me right now.”

“Babe…”

“NO! DO NOT ‘BABE’ ME! WHERE ARE YOU!? If you say you're with Cobby…..”

“Um….”

“SCALVO!”

“I'll be back soon, princess. I promise.”

“You said that the last job you did was going to be your last. Do you know how many you've done since then?”

“Uh, two?” He responded, being unsure of the correct answer.

“Try seven. If you die tonight, you're going to have bigger problems when I find out about it. I'll bring you back and kill you again.”

“Princess, just….”

“Goodnight. The couch will be waiting for you once you come back.”

When you had hung up the phone on him all he did was mutter ‘fuck’ under his breath.

But you were in for a surprise when you heard the front door open at five in the morning and him groaning in pain. He was trying to be quiet in order not to wake you up since he knew you had to be up early for work. Even though you were beyond pissed at him, you stayed up to make sure he made it back home and threw off the comforter to go and check on him.

Walking out into the living room, you were confused when you didn't find him, but quickly gasped as you looked down and noticed a trail of blood. You quickly followed in and found Scalvo in the bathroom at the end of the hallway trying to peel off his shirt that was saturated in blood. You startled him when you called his name.

“BABY!?! WHAT HAPPENED!?”

“It’s not as bad as it looks, just go back to bed. I got it. I'm fine.”

“And leave you bleeding out on the bathroom floor? And how do you know it's not as bad as it looks!? IS THAT A STAB WOUND!? And you have the nerve to say that to a medical professional? Sit down and let me see.”

Not wanting to argue since he knew that you were already mad at him, he simply sat down as you got the saline along with some gauze to start cleaning it. As you cleaned it more and more, you noticed that it was deeper than you thought.

“You need to go to the hospital.” You whispered to him.

“Absolutely the fuck not.”

“It's deep! You need stitches! You act like someone is always out to get you. Our job as medical professionals is to keep you alive, we don't care how it happened. Unless you're in hospice, we see it to the end, but that's another story.”

“Because someone always is!”

“Well whose fucking fault is that? You have pissed me off so much in these last eight hours so I'm removing myself from the situation. Do whatever you want. If you want to die or have it get infected, that's on you. Your blood better be off this damn carpet by the time I get home. I love you, but you make me so mad with how you have me worrying about you all the time.” You told him as you turned to walk away and tears were starting to flow, but he caught your hand to pull you back.

“Baby, wait. I'm sorry, okay? Just… I'll go if you want me to.”

As promised, Scalvo walked back into your shared apartment an hour and a half later because he had stopped to get food for the both of you. He noticed that you weren’t in the living room so he assumed that you were still laying in bed and simply in your shared bedroom watching Fire Country which had been your latest obsession. His main thing was to keep calm and not have you suspect that anything was wrong.

But, he should have known better because you could read him like a book. As soon as he entered the bedroom with the food and drinks in his hand, you eyed him as you sat up against the headboard.

“Babe? Is everything okay?” You asked as he handed you a chai latte which he quickly learned was your favorite.

“Oh, um, yeah. Why do you ask?” He replied while not meeting your eyes.

“You look a little flustered, that’s all. I was just wondering.”

Scalvo was quiet as he made a spread in the front of both of you with different bagels and pastries to choose from along with handing you a veggie omelet. He kissed you before the two of you were eating in silence and Scalvo noticed that every few minutes, you would glance at him. He figured that he should tell you, now. Get it off his chest and get everything out in the open. He simply paused the show that you two were watching and looked over at you.

“Princess, I need to tell you something.” He told you as you were mid bite into your bagel. You slowly turned to look at him and nodded your head.

“You know you can tell me anything, what is it?”

“I’m going to have about three more jobs and then I’m done. I'm serious this time. I… I see what this does to you and see how disappointed you are in me all the time. I already know that you're out of my league and I don't deserve you for how well you treat me despite what I do in order to get money. I was just thinking about when I would sneak off after you were asleep and you would wake up pissed and blowing up my phone. The last time I did that, I ended up getting stabbed and needed stitches. The way you looked at me is…. I never want you to look at me that way again. Please understand that you’re important to me and that I’ll do anything for you. But… this is all I know. I’m going to be better for you because the last thing that I ever want you to do is get fed up waiting for me to be done with this life and end up leaving me. I don’t know what I would do if that happened.”

He couldn't do it yet.

He couldn't tell you that your father had just threatened him, so this was the next best thing.

Nothing that he said wasn't true, his goal was to make it a reality.

His last job was going to be taking down your father for everything he was worth.

He just didn't know what you were going to do once you found out… Or when.

That's why he had to make sure you didn't find out until everything that needed to come up to the surface did.

The two of you sat in silence while you digested what Scalvo had just told you.

“I'm not disappointed in you overall. I'm disappointed in the choices that you make sometimes. You weren't dealt the best hand in life so you had to do what you had to do. I can understand that it's hard for you to be able to visualize what your life might look like without all the mess happening around you. I'm just trying to be patient while you figure it out.” You said being completely honest and Scalvo was surprised.

“That's…. fair.”

“And the reason why I would get so mad at you when I woke up in the middle of the night and you weren't there was because I still have nightmares about me getting kidnapped. It only happens when you aren't here. I needed you and you weren't here.” You told him as you had stopped eating.

“I'm sorry, babe. Why didn't you tell me?”

“Because no matter what I say and how much I want a better life for the both of us, you never listen. It goes in one ear and out the other so why am I even trying? You’re an adult and can make your own decisions. Even though I did say I was trying to be patient, I am not going to wait forever. And to be honest, I don't know how much longer I can take.”

“Baby….. just… a little bit longer. It's going to be different now. By the end of October, I'll be done. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do after but as long as I have you, I'll think of something. I promise.”

All you did was sip on your latte while picking at one of the pastries that you had placed on the plate in front of you.

“Babe?”

“Scalvo, don't promise me anything. Until you are done with this, I will literally worry about you every second in the day when you are not in my line of sight because I have ever since I figured it out. You are worth so much more than this and you know it. I just want a stable life with you and maybe even kids. However, I am not bringing a life into this world until you get your shit all the way together.”

Scalvo’s mouth turned up into a smile and you looked over at him dumbfounded.

“Uh, what is with you?”

“You want to have babies with me?” He asked while still smiling and you rolled your eyes.

“Is that all you got out of that?”

“No, I heard you and I'm going to do this not only for me but for us. Because the longer I do this, there is still a possibility that you could be hurt. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that happens. And I don't want my kids to have to visit me in prison.”

“Then you better make sure that a situation like that doesn't happen.”

A few weeks had passed and you noticed that Scalvo had become distracted and distant from you. At first you figured that he was just so focused on trying to do what he needed to do to be done with this life, but now you weren't so sure.

You glanced over at him from the kitchen since you were making the two of you fajitas. Scalvo surprisingly was a good cook and the two of you would alternate. He was simply sitting on the couch and scrolling through his phone while the television was on for background noise. The food still had a little while before it was finished so you made it a point to ask him.

“Babe?”

“Hmm? What's wrong, princess?”

“Something is bothering you and I don't like that very much. You've not only been distracted, but distant. How do I miss my boyfriend when you're right in front of me? Want to share with the class?”

Scalvo was clearly very startled and he looked at you and sighed.

“I've just had a lot going on, that's all. One step closer to us being able to leave this place for good.”

“No, that's not it. Do not sit up here and try to feed me that. So, I'm going to give you another chance to answer my question.”

One thing about Scalvo is that he didn't like when people questioned him, but you were his weakness. All you had to do was tell him to jump and he would ask you how high.

“You really want to know?”

“Obviously. Something is wrong with my boyfriend. I can read you like an open book. I know when you aren't acting like yourself.” You said as you began to play in his curls and he finally spoke.

“Your dad threatened me a month ago to stay away from you, and I wasn't doing that. So I decided to do a little digging of my own about his past and I didn't find anything that he should be proud of.”

“Wait a minute….”

“I didn't want to tell you until it was all over and done with. I don't want to hurt you with this. There are things that…”

“It's my father! How can it not? He knows how much you mean to me! And you know how much my father means to me! Why can't you two just learn to get along? I'm not leaving you, and he's going to be my dad forever.”

“I know, princess. But I'm not going to prison for anyone. Especially someone like him. No offense. That's why I've been avoiding going to dinner with you at their place. In not so many words, he’s going to put me in prison because he knows what I do in order to get money and make sure that I never see you again.”

You massaged your temples while trying to make sense of what Scalvo had just told you before letting him have it.

“ASHER ANTHONY SCALVO!”

“Not you saying my full government.” Scalvo mumbled since this was the first time you had done it and also raised your voice. He was on thin ice with you already, but this for sure took the cake.

“Oh, trust me, I want to say A LOT more. I should mop the floor with your 6’3 ass!”

“Princess, now is not the time for us to be arguing.” Scalvo said as he pleaded with you, but all you did was look at him and cross your arms.

“What did we agree on when we got back together? Remind me for a second.” You asked him as you sat across from him.

Scalvo hesitated because he had broken his promise that he had made you.

“Go on, babe. I'm listening.” You told him and he immediately sighed before answering you.

“That there would be no secrets between us.”

“Mm hmm, so why is it that you are just telling me my father threatened you almost a MONTH later?!”

“I was going to handle it!”

“Handle it without telling me!? Don't you think that is something important for me to know?!”

“Yes, but…”

“But what!?”

“I found out some things about your dad and I…. You aren't going to look at him the same and you're not going to like it. I wasn't about to tell you anything until I finished doing what I had to do, but it seems like it couldn't wait any longer. I didn't want to lie when you asked me why I've been so distracted and distant lately.”

“I already don't look at him the same because of what he did to your dad, but I want to know. Baby, tell me.”

“Y/N….”

“I can handle it! Just tell me. What are you hiding from me?”

“First of all, I am not hiding a damn thing from you. You need to talk to your parents about that one because they've been lying to you for your entire life. I always say that I wish I had still had both of my parents, but not if they did some fucked up shit like this.”

“I am about to yell your entire government again if you don't fucking tell me. What the hell could they have been lying about for my entire life?!”

“Yeah, you've been around me too long. Every other word that comes out of your mouth is starting to be ‘fuck'”

“SCALVO!”

“Fine. Here. Don't say I didn't warn you.” He told you as he slid a few papers towards you.

He looked at you as he watched your facial expression go from pissed off to disbelief.

“No this isn't real. You're lying.” You finally said as you looked up at him.

He was looking at you sympathetically before he answered.

“Why the hell would I lie about that? You're my girlfriend and the only person that I give a fuck about in this world. I love you and you think I would hurt you on purpose?” He asked, confused.

You scoffed before throwing the stack of papers back towards him.

“Oh, how quickly we forget? You did fucking hurt me when you broke up with me and disappeared without a fucking trace. So don't even give me that.”

“Baby, I'm not doing this with you right now. We have bigger fucking problems. It's real. If you don't believe me, go and ask the man that you thought was your father.”

“I need to leave.” You told him without missing a beat as you stood up heading into the bedroom with him quickly following.

“You aren't going anywhere. You need to calm down for a second. And it's almost 10 at night.”

“Who are you? My father? Oh and that's right, I don't even know my real one and besides how are you going to tell me to calm down!? I just found out that the man that I call my father isn't who he says he is.” You said as you turned around to look at him before heading over to your closet.

“Princess, we'll get through this, I promise. I know that this is a lot to take in, but I'm right here with you. I just want you safe. Just… let's go back and sit down and talk about this.” Scalvo pleaded with you as he grabbed your hand, but you quickly pulled your hand back.

“Fuck your promises! That's what you ALWAYS do. Promise me this and promise me that! My life has gone to shit ever since I met you and I'm mad at myself for loving you so much. I need to be by myself for a minute.”

“Y/N, you know good and damn well that I never meant for any of this to happen. I am not leaving you by yourself like this.”

“Hmm. You sure? Remember you've had your eyes set on my father's downfall from the beginning and got close to me so that it would be easier. Despite you saying that you didn't know who I was. You could have been lying the entire time. How do I even know this is real? How do I know that you even love me?”

“Are you fucking serious right now? Now you are saying a whole bunch of bullshit. If I didn't love you, when Don had kidnapped you, I would have let him put a fucking bullet in your head. But did I do that? Is that honestly what you think of me?”

“So, what do you want? A thank you? Wouldn't have happened in the first place if you didn't piss him off.”

“Y/N…. None of this was ever meant to hurt you.”

“Well you should've thought about that in the beginning, huh? So what's your plan? Blackmail? Put him in jail?”

“I…”

“You know what? Never mind.” You told him as you slipped a hoodie over your head and your shoes.

“Where are you going?”

“Anywhere to get the fuck away from you.”

“Baby… I'm not the enemy here. He is. He hurt you and deserves to pay for what he did. He has done wrong by everyone in his life and you have taken the biggest hit. I just want to protect you.”

“Don't fucking call me that. And it sounds like you want to protect yourself. He would never intentionally hurt me.” You fired back at him as you grabbed your pink Coach wallet along with your keys.

“You don't have any idea what he is capable of. He only shows you the side that he wants you to see.”

You ignored him and Scalvo watched you leave while slamming the front door behind you. He ran a hand through his messy hair before going into the kitchen and turning the stove off since he noticed that the food was now finished. After putting everything away, he opened his phone to see where you were since you had taken your wallet with you.

It showed him that you weren't too far from home at a 24 hour diner which he knew you loved ever since you were younger. You were mad at him, that was obvious, but not mad enough for you to turn off your location. But even if you did, you were still carrying the air tag.

Because how is he supposed to tell you that there was more?

More as in James had your mother killed because she was a witness in a case that he was prosecuting. To make sure that he won, he had to eliminate the problem. Since that now made you an orphan because she was a single mother, he decided to do one thing that would make this right in his eyes.

He adopted you and changed your name.

Your mother didn't have any family that he knew of so someone coming to look for you would be unlikely.

It was the perfect plan

Until Scalvo unraveled it.

It was about three in the morning when Scalvo finally heard the front door open letting him know that you were finally back. He heard you shuffle around the kitchen for a few minutes before he heard your footsteps making their way in the direction of the bedroom.

Scalvo was sitting on the side of the bed when you finally walked in. The two of you made eye contact and you weren't quite sure if you wanted to speak first.

But you did.

“I'm sorry for blowing up on you earlier, but I take it that you understand why I did it. You mean a lot to me and so do my parents so right now I feel like I'm stuck in the middle. Even if they aren't my biological parents. They raised me. I'm also sorry for accusing you of not loving me because I know you do. The things you do for me, you won't do for anyone else. I know that hearing me say that hurt your feelings. I saw the look in your eyes.”

All Scalvo did was open his arms for you to come towards him and once you did, he immediately slid you into his lap and kissed your cheek.

“It was a lot to take in. I was going to tell you eventually, but I didn't want to lie to you. I love you and you’re my person.”

“I love you back tenfold. I'm so proud of you for keeping up with therapy even when we broke up. I respect that you told me the truth when I asked and I'm glad you were open with me.” You told him as you brushed a hand through his curly hair.

“Everything that I'm doing is me taking steps to be the boyfriend that you deserve. You don't want someone who's shut off from the world all the time. And there's something else though but you were too upset earlier and I didn't want to add to it. I don't know if you'll want to hear this now or later.”

“Be the boyfriend that I deserve, but also be the person that I know you can be. And you might as well tell me.”

“Um, okay. James had your biological mother killed when he found out that she was a key witness in a case that he was prosecuting. He knew that if she ended up testifying that he was going to lose. She was a single mother and I can't find any of your other family. That's probably why it was so easy for him to adopt you. I can show you everything if you want me to.”

You sat there in silence taking it all in as you hugged Scalvo tighter. He gave you a few minutes and noticed that you were deep in thought.

“I guess it's literally me and you against the world now, huh?” You told him as you laid your head on his shoulder as tears started to silently fall down your cheeks.

“It was always that way from the beginning. If he deserves anything at this point, it's to take him down for what he did to you. When all of this is over, we can leave and never come back.”

“He killed my mom, so I want him to burn.”

“We just have to be patient. For now, my priority is making sure my princess gets some sleep.”

You nodded your head as you got up and took a quick shower before getting changed into your pajamas. Walking back in the bedroom, you slid in next to Scalvo and he quickly wrapped his arms around you.

When you woke up later that morning, you laid there for a while as you scrolled through your phone while stealing glances at Scalvo every few minutes since you were facing him.

Before you had gone to sleep, you had called out of work because you only getting two hours of sleep wasn't going to be enough. With all that Scalvo had told you last night there was no way that you would be able to focus and then an idea suddenly popped into your head. More than likely your father would be at his office meaning that your mom would be home alone. This was the perfect opportunity for you to ask her, but her main concern would probably be how you found out. Scalvo already had a target on his back from your dad, so there was no way you would give up an answer if she asked.

Putting your phone back down on the nightstand, you turned back around and started playing with Scalvo’s curls. A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he quickly smiled at you.

“Hi, princess.”

“Hi.”

“You’re not working today?” He asked you and you quickly shook your head no.

“I wouldn't be able to focus with everything going on, so I decided to take a mental health day. But, I think I should talk to my mom about this.”

If you didn't have all of his attention before, you definitely had it now.

“And tell her what, exactly?”

“Just ask her and see if she's honest with me. I'm obviously not going to tell her how I found out because you have a target on your back from my dad already. But just her, not him.”

“Truth be told, I really don't want you around them anymore.”

“I know, but we have to do what we have to do, right?”

“Yes, so I can put a baby in you.”

“Scalvo!” You exclaimed as you hit his shoulder and laughed.

“What? What I do?”

You simply shook your head as you smiled at him.

“What time are you going over there?”

“Probably around two.”

“Oh, good. We have enough time then.”

“Enough time for what?”

Scalvo didn’t respond to your question and simply moved so that he was hovering over top of you. His fingers slipped into the waistband of your shorts and slowly started to pull them down before he threw them off the side of the bed.

“Enough time for me to eat you out. It is my favorite meal.” He told you as he proceeded to spread your legs.

Scalvo was still eating you out when his phone kept going off.

“Baby, ignore it.” You told him as you held onto his curls making sure he didn't move.

It rang for the fifth time when he rolled his eyes and grabbed it off the nightstand. When he saw who it was all he did was sigh before answering.

“Hold on, baby. Because his ass is going to keep calling me until I answer.”

“But…”

“Thirty seconds, princess. I promise.”

“Fine.”

“Cobby, what the hell do you want? Your ass called me five times in a row so this shit better be important.”

“Hi to you too. Did you miss me?”

“I will hang up if you don't tell me what you want. I'm eating my girl out and here you come bothering me.” Scalvo told him and you quickly laughed before hitting him.

“Nasty little fuckers. TMI. Oh! Put me on speaker phone, I want to say hi to Y/N!”

“NO! What do you WANT!?”

By this time, you had started touching yourself and Scalvo had given you a warning look which just led to you smirking.

“Um, I forgot. Wait a minute, it'll come to me.”

“I'm not waiting for a damn thing. Bye.” Scalvo told him as he was ready to toss his phone back on the nightstand, but quickly heard his protests.

“WAIT! I remember. Are we still meeting later?”

“You know your ass could have sent me a damn text to ask me that?”

You simply sucked on your fingers before reaching down to massage your clit and Scalvo pinched your side in an attempt to tell you to stop but you shook your head no.

“Yes, but I love your voice so much. I missed it.”

“Cobby you get on my FUCKING nerves. The answer is yes. Now bye.”

“Make sure you kids use protection!”

“BYE COBBY!”

Once he had hung up the phone, he looked down at you and simply stared at you for a few minutes.

“If you make yourself cum, I will edge you for a fucking week. Move your damn hand.”

“Well then hurry up. I told you not to answer it.”

By the time you reached your parents house it was almost three in the afternoon. Your mom was surprised to see you and since you didn't want to bombard her with questions from the minute you stepped inside, the two of you made lunch together and were now sitting across from one another eating when you finally spoke up.

“Mom?”

“Yeah, doll? What's wrong?”

“Who's Riley Carter?” You asked and you saw all of the color drain from your mother's face. She cleared her throat before she answered you.

“Where did you get that name?”

“It doesn't matter where I got it. All that matters is that you two have been lying to me for twenty-eight years.”

“Y/N….”

“Or do you mean Reagan? Because that's my real name isn't it? Given to me by my real mother?”

“I… there are just some things that were complicated and we thought it was best not to tell you.”

“Oh like having my mother murdered so that your husband could win his case? He would have lost if she had taken the stand.” You replied as you took a sip of your blueberry lemonade.

“Look, no matter what I say, you're going to find fault in it. All I can tell you is that I'm sorry. Even if you don't want to hear it. Your father is…. I didn't find out a lot that he had done until you were damn near eighteen. By that time, he had threatened me not to tell you anything. When we met, he already had you and told me that your mother was killed leaving him to be a single father. You were about nine months old. Despite everything that he has done, I do love him.”

“And you were just going to keep this a secret?”

“To be honest, yes. The less you know, the less danger that you would be in. I can't have my only daughter taken away from me.”

“What? Why? What are you talking about?”

“Your father has a lot of people that don't like him. They would hurt you in order to hurt him or if you piss him off enough, he'll hurt you himself. That's why you were always in boarding school and have my mother's maiden name. All to protect you.”

“Hmm, that sounds familiar.” You responded when you thought about what Cobby had told you regarding your boyfriend.

“I figure that I know too much. If I were to divorce him, he would not get over that easily. Just as he had her killed, he would probably do the same thing to me. That's why I stayed. To keep an eye on you and hopefully not be killed. All your father craves is money and power. He hasn't loved me for a long time and I know it. At one point, he definitely did, but not now.”

“Mom… you cannot just stay here with him.”

“What other choice do I have? Look, all I want is for you to be safe. I know Asher was probably the one to tell you all of this. If anything, I want you to stay as far away from your dad as possible, both of you. I'll be fine. But just know that both of us love you. Well at least I do. I can’t speak for him. If you get in his way, he probably wouldn’t hesitate to do something to you.”

You nodded your head to tell her that you understood.

“There's one more thing. Your father is trying to have Asher arrested and put in prison. There's not a lot of evidence, but enough to put him away for a while. I’m guessing five to seven years. I overheard him one night talking about it. That was a while ago so there's literally only a matter of time before it happens. I like him and I know how much you love him and figured that you should know. Your father doesn't know that I heard him talking about it. He had it out for him ever since he recognized him the first time you brought him over to meet us. Anyone who is associated with Mr. Besegai, he doesn’t like them. All because of a deal they made gone wrong.”

Hearing this made your heart drop as well as speed up within the same minute.

“Chin up, baby girl. They can't convict him if they can't find him.” Was all she told you before she smiled and winked at you.

After leaving your parents house, you immediately called Scalvo and he picked up on the second ring. All you heard was him arguing with Cobby which was the usual.

“COBBY, NO! THAT DOESN'T GO THERE! MOVE! JUST LET ME DO IT. Oh, hi princess. Everything okay? I miss you.”

“I miss you too and no. Everything is not okay. Where are you?” You told him as your thoughts were running a mile a minute.

“What's wrong? I'm with the dumbass of the century where I usually always am when I’m not with you.”

“HEY!” was all you heard indicating Cobby screaming in the background.

“I can't tell you over the phone. I need to tell you in person.”

“Uh, princess, you got me nervous over here.”

“Just send me your location and when I get there everyone needs to turn their phones off.”

“Okay, will do.”

Once you had reached the docks which you quickly learned was their infamous meeting spot, you ran up the steps and were soon face to face with Scalvo and Cobby arguing. Cobby was the first to notice you.

“Wait a minute, since when is it ‘bring your girlfriends to work day?’ If it was today, no one told me.” He asked, but his expression turned into concern once he saw the look on your face.

“Um, Y/N?”

“Well as of right now it is. And Cobby, you don’t even have a girlfriend. What is going on?” Scalvo asked as he approached you and he could tell that you were about to cry.

“Turn your phones off and I'll tell you.” You told them as you turned your own off. Once all of the phones were sitting face down in the center of the table, you took a deep breath before speaking.

“Cobby, I don't know how much of this concerns you, but more than likely they’ll be coming for you too.”

“Now why am I in it!?”

“Princess, what are you talking about? Why do you look like you're about to cry?”

“You were right. He has enough evidence to send you to prison, at least five to seven years if you’re convicted and best believe he would make sure that you are. My mom told me she overheard him a while ago talking about it. She also told me that she wants both of us to stay far away from him. We have to leave before they decide to arrest you. She's scared of him too and what he might do if she tries to divorce him.”

“I'm not leaving until we get his ass arrested for what he's done.”

“Did you not hear me? You could get arrested before he does! We need to leave!”

“And go where, Y/N? I cannot let him keep getting away with hurting people.”

“Well, all my mom said before I left was that they can't convict you, if they can't find you. We need to go somewhere that they can't arrest you and bring you back here for a trial.”

“Cuba.” Was all you heard Cobby say.

“That’s actually the smartest thing that I’ve ever heard you say.” You told him and all he did was smile before taking a bow.

“I need a passport. How the fuck am I going to do that?”

“Didn't you get across the Canadian border when you went with me when we first started dating? Whatever you did then, you need to do the same thing now.”

Scalvo was clearly frustrated as he ran a hand through his curls as he pulled at a few of them. You quickly took his face in your hands and made him look at you.

“Now is not the time for you to shut down on me. What did we just talk about? You don’t want our kids having to visit their father in prison so we need to come up with a plan and we need to do it now. The sooner we leave, the better. You cannot go home because I don't know what he's going to do. And Cobby, you are more than welcome to go with him, but your chances of getting caught are going to be higher.” You knew right now that you had to be the strong one to make sure that he kept his head on straight.

“I'll go to Canada instead.” Cobby told you and you simply nodded.

“Okay.” Was all Scalvo quietly said.

“You’re still going to need a passport, but getting on a plane will be a give away since you have to go through TSA. Um, you could drive to Florida. Miami specifically. My uncle has a boat so he is in and out of the port making deliveries to different places. One of his stops is in Havana. You get off and stay at the beach house I have gifted to me by my grandparents on my mother's side. He'll show you where it is and I have a key I can give you. My dad doesn't know about it. Use cash because they'll obviously be able to track you if you use a bank card.”

“I…. I see why you're with her, Scalvo. Very smart.” Cobby mentioned as he was looking at the both of you.

“But where does that leave you? I'm not leaving you in Boston. It's not safe for you here anymore.”

“As much as I hate the idea, you're going to have to.” You quietly told him and knew that this wasn't going to go over well.

“No, absolutely not. You see what being separated does to us. You already got hurt once because of me. I'm not about to let it happen again.”

“I know you don't like it but we have to think. My father knows that I'm not going to leave your side. It will be a sure way for you to get caught. Besides, I have a whole bunch of loose ends to tie up here. Me leaving abruptly will cause not only alarm, but panic. We have to do this discreetly. I promise to come to Havana as soon as I can. I will set you up with everything you need and you can be on your way in less than an hour. Cobby, I need you to release everything about my father on social media, but only when I tell you to.”

“You got it, boss. Scalvo, I see why you were so depressed when you two broke up, now. Go and do what you two need to do. I got it from here.”

Before you got into your car, you told Scalvo to follow behind you and once the two of you got to your apartment to simply wait in the parking garage while you ran upstairs to gather all of his belongings for him.

You were packing all of his things through blurry vision as tears were streaming down your face because of what this new reality would be. After you made sure to get all of his clothes, shoes, and toiletries, you were doing one last check when you opened his drawer on the bedside table to make sure nothing important was in it. But there was, in the back corner, a blue box.

But not any blue box.

It was from Tiffany's.

You were debating on if you should grab it, and after a few minutes of contemplating, you threw it into his bag and made your way back downstairs to the garage.

If that was your engagement ring, this was one hell of a way to find out.

He was leaning against the driver's side door as you approached him and handed him all of his bags to put into the backseat. You stared at your feet because the tears were steadily coming down your face now with no sign of stopping any time soon.

Scalvo put his finger under your chin to lift your head up to look at him. Once you did, an immediate sniffle came out as you choked back a sob.

“Hey, hey. None of that, okay? It's going to be fine.” He told you as he tightly embraced you and kissed the top of your head.

“I just wish I could go with you right now. But this is the best plan I could come up with on such short notice.”

“And your plan is going to work. You won't hear from me until I'm in Havana so don't freak out. Last thing I want is for them to be able to track me somehow.”

“Okay. I'll let my uncle know that you're coming. He owes me a favor anyway.”

Scalvo nodded his head before reaching down to give you several kisses.

“I love you, princess. So much.”

“And I love you. Please stay safe. I need you in one piece.”

“Same goes for you. I'll see you in Havana.”

Two days had passed and you figured that Scalvo had reached Miami by now. The two days had been the longest two days of your life. As soon as he left, you looked it up on your phone how long it would take for him to get down there and it told you that it would take about 22 hours driving. Knowing Scalvo, he probably wouldn’t have stopped until he was halfway and you were also hoping he took some time to rest. But when you lived a life where you were constantly looking over your shoulder. You weren’t so sure.

Your mind was put at ease when your phone vibrated on the table and you had gotten a text from your uncle.

Favorite Uncle Max- Safe with me

You let out a breath that you didn't realize that you had been holding and choked out a sob. You knew that this was going to be hard, but it was only temporary. You had to keep reminding yourself of that. Soon the two of you would be back together without being scared that you would be ripped apart from each other at any moment.

Not wanting to leave a trail, you sent him a thumbs up before deleting both text messages. Don’t leave them breadcrumbs if you don’t want to be found. You wanted to keep him as safe as you possibly could. For a while, you began to sell a lot of things in your apartment because you didn't plan on taking them with you. Your plan was to sell everything, quit your job the day before you left, and then leave in the middle of the night. Your job was already made aware that you were making moves to exit as an employee, so you took on the task of training the new hire that would take your place when you finally chose to do so.

You were also trying to convince your mother to come with you. You hadn't told her everything, but you did tell her that it would be wise if she was not in Boston when the news broke about your father. She told you that she would let you know when she made a decision. Knowing how stubborn she was, you would have to fight her tooth and nail for her to come with you. But, you could understand. Bottom line was that she was scared. Seeing the fear in her eyes was the first time in your life that you were worried for her safety as well as yours.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door and that instantly made you nervous. There were only a handful of people that knew where your new apartment was and wasn't expecting anyone. Glancing at the clock, you saw it was around seven at night before you went to open the door.

Answering the door, you were face to face with two officers.

Hmm, too bad. You knew why they were here and they were approximately forty-eight hours too late and your boyfriend had gotten away.

“Good evening, Ms. Lawson. We're looking for someone and were told that he might be here. Also came to do a wellness check on you. You might know him as Scalvo, but we know him as Asher.”

“I'm fine. No one is here except me.” You quickly told them as you blocked their view to look inside the apartment.

Your father must have sent them. He was slowly starting to execute his plan, so that meant that there would only be a matter of time before you told Cobby that everything was a go. By that time, you planned on being on your uncle’s boat in the middle of the ocean heading to Havana.

“Do you mind if we take a look?”

“Not without a warrant.”

“Well it's a lucky day for us because we have one.” One of them told you as he held it up.

You had nothing to worry about because it was if you had erased any trace of Scalvo actually living there. Being that your father was a lawyer, you knew what they looked for and what they needed, so the best idea was to get rid of it all.

“Hmm, make it short and sweet. I have things to do.”

“Won’t take long, promise.”

You sat and watched in disbelief as they rummaged through your apartment without any respect or regard for any of your things. Who knows how long it would take for you to clean the mess that they made.

Once they were finished, you crossed your arms over your chest and looked at both of them.

“Find what you were looking for?”

“Sorry to disturb you ma'am. We'll be on our way. If Scalvo does show up, make sure you call us.”

“You do that and if we cross paths then I will.”

The next few weeks went by in a blur and you just couldn't wait to be back in Scalvo's arms. You hadn't felt well for the past two and figured that you should get looked at. It was only a matter of time before you would be leaving for Cuba. Everything needed to be fine before you decided to leave Boston for good and start a new life with nothing hanging over your head.

Your doctor Rachel was eyeing you as you were telling her all of the symptoms that you had been having. She had quickly become one of your favorite people since you had moved back. She was a straight shooter that didn’t sugarcoat anything. Of course, it did also help that you two went to boarding school together for a few years.

“I need you to pee in a cup for me.”

“For what? Do you think that will tell you what's going on with me?”

“Y/N, for your first question, I am 99% sure that you're pregnant and for the second question, yes.”

“Wait, no. I can't possibly be pregnant.” You said to Rachel and she just stared at you.

“Are you having sex?”

“Yes.”

“With protection?”

“Well…”

“Okay then that settles it. Go pee.” She said as she handed you the cup as you sighed.

He was supposed to be here for this.

Scalvo was supposed to be here.

Once Rachel told you that you were pregnant, all you saw was tunnel vision. You wanted kids, but definitely not this soon and under these circumstances. There was still so much for you to do until you could leave without having any loose ends. You wanted to be safe and free of worries, the last thing you wanted to be was stressed out how you were now.

As you were driving, you glanced down at your stomach and simply placed your hand there.

“Hi, it's mommy. It's very scary out here right now so I'm going to do my best to keep you safe until it's time for you to come out. Your daddy is going to be so happy when he finds out about you. He's not here right now, but we'll meet up with him soon and we'll all be together and be safe. I promise.”

Once you reached your apartment, as you were putting in the key, you noticed that the door was already unlocked. Knowing that you locked it before leaving, you took out your pepper spray from your bag before entering. When you reached the living room, you saw your father standing there sipping on a glass of whiskey that you recognized from your cabinet.

“How did you get in here?” You asked as you made sure to keep your distance.

“I had to come and check on you myself because my only child is dodging my calls left and right. So as any worried parent, I came to see you.”

“Well, you definitely broke into my apartment and entered without my consent. If I wanted to talk to you, I would have called you back. You can see yourself out.”

“Not so fast, baby girl. Why the hostility towards me?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions. You aren’t even my real father and you had my mother murdered who was the star witness in a case you were prosecuting because you didn’t want to lose. You took me in and changed my name because eventually you felt guilty. Trying to right your wrongs.”

“Hmm, I see nothing gets past you.”

“That’s really all you have to say? After everything you've done?”

“I took you in, fed you, clothed you, sent you to the top boarding school in the entire country and this is the thanks I get? You dating a criminal? And hiding him?”

“Don’t bring him into this. That was all you. You made those decisions on your own and you were an adult.” You fired back at him.

“He has nothing to offer you and he especially won’t have anything to offer you when I get his ass arrested and put in jail for all that he's done over the years. Including robbing me and holding me at gunpoint in my own home. Oh, you didn’t think I knew? Don’t look so surprised. I’ll make sure he’s convicted and sent to a prison far away. My money and connections are long, sweetheart. You have no idea. My daughter is not dating someone like him.”

“I’m not your daughter, so why do you care so much?”

“You are my daughter whether you like it or not. I know you’re hiding him and it’s only a matter of time before I figure out where. There's only so many places in Boston that he could be. Time is running out and I suggest you tell him to turn himself in. If you do that, I’ll make sure he only does two to three years. But, when he gets out you can never see him again. You have forty-eight hours until this offer expires. Keep in mind, you don’t want to be arrested for hiding a fugitive. Just as I can make your little boyfriend disappear, I can do the same to you if you disobey me. Good seeing you, sweetie.” He told you as he got up from the couch and made his way over to you, but you immediately backed up again to put some distance in between the two of you.

“You’ll see that this is the right decision when all of this is said and done. Tell Scalvo to stop hiding and we can settle this.”

As soon as your father closed the door behind him to your apartment, you stood there for a minute in disbelief. He admitted to doing it, but there was not an ounce of remorse for what he had done.

It couldn’t wait any longer, you needed to leave as soon as possible. From that point, you started throwing the last of your things in your suitcases and ran them down to your car before coming back up and taking one last walk through. There wasn't much left, but there was enough for you to have to make multiple trips. By now, you couldn’t call the rent office to break your lease or call your job to tell them that you quit. It wasn’t only your safety that was compromised now, it was your baby’s.

As soon as you were settled into your car, you called your mom. As much as she had lied to you, the last thing that you would ever want is to see her get hurt by the hands of your father. It took a while, but she eventually answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Mom! We need to leave and we need to leave now. He knows what I’m doing. I need to keep you safe too.”

“I have a bag packed. Is everything ready to be released?” She calmly asked you knowing that she was talking about all of the evidence stacked up against your father that he had no idea you knew about. He obviously just thought you knew about your birth mother and not his entire track record.

“Yes, all I have to do is tell someone to hit a button.”

“I’ll grab whatever else I can and meet you at the end of the street. I don't know where he is and hopefully he doesn't come back any time soon. I don't want to risk it, so the sooner we leave, the better.”

As you raced over to your parents house, your mind was all over the place. This was happening. This was really happening. You had a picture perfect life before you met Scalvo. A little too perfect. Despite everything that came with being with him, you wouldn’t have chosen anyone else.

He opened your eyes to see the person that your father truly was and as much as it hurt for you to do this, no one else deserves to get hurt by him. You knew that he would easily probably get multiple years in prison. He put on a very convincing front. He gave you the world as you were growing up and anything you asked him to do for you, he would without a second thought. Where did that man go? The one who would never dream of threatening his wife or his ‘daughter’.

The main thing now that you had to focus on was healing. Healing for your peace of mind as well as your child’s. You were going to be somebody’s mother for the rest of your life and they needed parents that they could depend on.

Your mother was right where she said she would be when you finally pulled up at the end of the street. She quickly got into the car and you began driving as fast as you could to get away from the area to make your way down to Miami. You figured that you could simply leave your car at your uncle’s house and come back to get it whenever.

“Mom?” You said quietly, but it still came out shaky nonetheless.

“You’re scared, I know. But it’s going to be okay, I promise. I’ve protected you for this long and I’ll be damned if I were to stop now. Where are we headed?”

“Miami. Uncle Max’s boat to Havana. Oh and please tell me you turned off your phone?”

“Good girl. I knew I raised you right and even better, I left it there and he has no idea that I’m gone and that you’re gone for that matter.”

“When we get closer, I’ll turn my phone back on to let him know and then we’ll be free. No more worrying and we can start over.”

“I can’t wait for that, baby girl. I really can’t. It’s been too long.”

“There’s one more thing.” You said as you focused on the road as you changed lanes.

“Yeah? What is it?”

“I’m not only doing this for Scalvo, but for you as well as someone else.”

“Who?”

You simply grabbed her hand and placed it on your stomach as you saw her face light up in awe.

“I’m going…. I’m going to be a grandma?!” She exclaimed as you eagerly nodded your head yes.

“That’s the plan and Rachel literally just told me earlier today before I got an unwelcome visit from your husband.”

“I know that nothing I can say at this point will make you forgive me, but I’m going to make this right. Does Asher know? I guess not since you just found out today.”

“Telling me the truth is a step in the right direction. And no, we’re not communicating right now because we don’t want to leave a trail or give them any leads.”

“I can’t wait to see the look on his face once you do.”

The sun was beginning to set when you and your mother stepped foot in Havana. Your Uncle Max knew someone that would take all of you towards the beach house and there was only a matter of time before you would be reunited with the love of your life. The ride was a short one, but in your mind it was taking forever. Your leg was bouncing in anticipation and your mother quickly laid her hand on top of it to steady it as she grabbed your hand with the one that was free.

As soon as the car pulled up to the house, your mom nudged you.

“Go say hi to your man.”

You jumped out of the car and took the steps two at a time as the driver was helping your mom with all of the bags. You took out your spare key and opened the door before stepping into the house as you took a deep breath.

It looked the same as it had the last time you were here three years ago, except now, you found a sleeping Scalvo in the living room in front of the television with the volume turned down low. You smiled to yourself as you made your way over to him. You simply ran a hand through his curls and his eyes fluttered open to see you in front of him. By the time that he recognized that it was you standing in front of him, his eyes went wide as he immediately kissed you before embracing you. He continued to kiss you all over your face as you couldn't keep yourself from laughing.

“I told you that your plan would work.” He whispered in your ear as he kissed the shell of it and you simply nodded as you hugged him tighter.

“Come hell or high water, nothing was about to keep me from you. I missed you so much.”

“I think I missed you more. Actually I know I did.” Scalvo told you as he lightly brushed his fingers against your cheek.

“There’s something that I have to tell you.”

“What? You okay? We don't have to…”

“I’m fine, everything’s fine. We don't have to leave again.” You said as you cut him off.

“Then what, princess?”

“You have no idea how good it is to hear you call me that. But um, I brought someone with me.”

“Who?”

You simply picked up Scalvo’s hand and placed it on your stomach and smiled. His eyes went wide once again and looked at you in disbelief.

“I… there's a baby in there?”

“Our baby is in there. I found out a few days ago, right before I left and I got an unpleasant visit by the person that calls himself my father.”

“Do we know if it's a boy or a girl yet? And what did he say to you?”

“It's still too early to tell, but whatever it may be, they're going to have the best dad in the world. And he basically told me that I needed to tell him where you were or he was going to have me arrested for hiding you. I left that night and brought my mom.”

Before Scalvo could respond to you, your mom walked in and smiled at the scene in front of her. But, Scalvo hopped up from the couch and held his distance.

“What is she doing here?” He asked you as you did your best to calm him down.

“It's fine. She's the one who told me to hide you in the first place, remember? We can trust her.”

“How do I know that?”

“Okay, Asher. I get it, but I promise that you can trust me. I've hurt Y/N enough and I have a lot of making up to do for it. When I first found out that he was going to try and convict you, I debated on saying anything not knowing if he was serious or not because James would never hurt Y/N by doing something to you, but I was wrong. I'm glad that I did say something. I've always liked you and she's never been happier. I know it will take a while for me to gain your trust and I'm totally okay with that.” Your mom explained and he simply nodded.

“Oh, and I forgot to mention this. I told Cobby to release it. Only a matter of time now before he's arrested.”

A few days had passed and you and your mom were getting settled in Havana as best as you could. James did end up getting arrested for everything that he did and he was currently in jail and had been denied bond. The next step was him awaiting for his trial to begin.

You and Scalvo were currently walking on the beach hand-in-hand when he suddenly broke the silence.

“You saw the Tiffany's box that was in my drawer?” He asked and you turned to him and nodded.

“I did, but I didn't open it. I figured when you wanted me to see it that I would. I had a feeling that I already knew what it was.” You said as you smiled.

“So, what is it then since you already know?”

“My engagement ring. You love me and can't live without me. I got kidnapped for you and hid you in a different country. And now I'm carrying your baby? We are locked in for life.” You told him as you reached up to pinch his cheek.

“Hmm, good point. Well, since you know everything, are you going to give me an answer?” He asked as he let go of your hand and kneeled down on one knee and finally opened the box so you could see the ring.

“Was that you asking me? Because that was terrible.” You told him as the both of you began laughing.

“Y/N, from the first moment I saw you, I knew that there was something different about you. You intrigued me and not many people do that. You were patient and you still are as you love me through all of my faults as I'm trying to learn how to navigate this new life that I have all thanks to you. You are literally the best thing that has ever happened to me and I don't take having you in my life for granted. We've been through hell and back and there is no one that I'd rather do life with. Now Y/N, will you be the Bonnie to my Clyde?”

“Your ass would have to say something like that, but my answer is yes.” You told him as he slipped on the ring and stood up to kiss you.

“You’re stuck with me now, princess.” He told you as he lightly ran his fingers across your cheek.

“Bonnie and Clyde for life, right?”

“Damn right and now we're the ones calling the shots.”

“Hmm, it's ironic really.” Scalvo started to say and you looked at him and smiled.

“As long as no one finds out we're fine.”

“Never thought my bougie girlfriend now turned fiancée's family were drug lords especially my soon to be mother-in-law.”

“I was just as surprised as you were, and it looks like I got you out of one thing and into another.”

“But it'll be different this time. I know you don't like it but…”

“And why is that?”

“It's the family business, so I have to contribute, right?”

You sighed before you stopped walking again as you turned to him.

“My mom paid the police department and FBI so I figured that you can't get arrested so I MIGHT allow it. They can't touch any of us.”

“Good because I already asked your mom and she said yes.”

“She WHAT? Me and her are going to have to have a serious talk.”

“Clyde is going to need his Bonnie though.” He said and you couldn't help but to smirk.

“If you get yourself killed, I'm bringing you back and killing you again and then divorcing you.”

“Well damn, now that definitely sounds like something the daughter of a queen pin would say. And it looks like this dead end wasn't so dead after all.”

[yuri-is-online]

Hello hello! Anon here. First of all, congratulations on getting accepted for your courses! Don't worry about trying to balance work and the blog, we will always be here waiting for you. Second of all, your whole Yutu AU has been really fascinating to look through. (Though that may be because of my bias toward Fire Emblem Awakening, as it was what got me into the series) Sorry for the incoming wall of text, but it's been giving me THOUGHTS.

So imagine this: whoever Yutu's dad is (I'll pick Azul for this example because I headcannon his English voice somewhere between Matt Mercer's Chrom and Olivert from The Legend of Heroes games) finds out who Yutu really is. You remember that cutscene after Chapter 13 in Awakening, with the Lucina reveal and Chrom has this: "You deserved better than a sword and a world full of troubles. I'm sorry."? Imagine Yutu hearing something like that: the acknowledgement of everything he's gone through, the pain of knowing his dad couldn't do anything and can't do anything more than offer words, and the reality that it might now be really possible to change the future? I imagine Azul breaking down after hearing all that because the last thing he wants to do is hurt Yuu or his son after everything he's been through. Oh goodness, the two of them both need hugs.

Second: did Crowley tip off the Magic Marshalls (because I think he would) and force Yuu to take the blame for his negligence (because he absolutely would)? Now imagine Yutu finding this out and telling his dad. Now his dad knows Crowley is a cheapskate who fobs his work onto everyone else without a second thought. And now he's responsible for having Yuu taken away and starting all this? Knowing the boys and how far they would go for Yuu I'd imagine they don't take that well. In other words, to slightly alter a quote from Regina in Once Upon A Time: "I guess killing a crow suddenly made the top of my to-do list."

Sorry for the wall of text but that's been rattling around in my head for a few days (so make of it all what you will). Hope you're doing well and looking forward to what's next!

-The anon who loves Riddle & Azul

AHHHHH (i feel like I always take forever to answer your asks I am sosososososososososo sorry, this one just drove me crazy in a good good way)

Listen fire emblem awakening was my entire personality for like all of middle school.  The only thing i wanted to talk about was chrobin.  I celebrated Morgan and Lucina's birthdays by drawing them. I think I still have a Cherche x Libra fan art thing I drew on some sheet of paper somewhere in my things because I was SO MAD that no one shipped them and I couldn't find fan art of them anywhere and I just oooooooooooh.  THE WAY CHROM GETS A NEW CRIT LINE ABOUT HOW ANYTHING CAN CHANGE AFTER THE REVEAL???? BECAUSE OF HOW DETERMINED HE IS TO KEEP THAT PROMISE AND GIVE LUCINA A BETTER WORLD???? i just cant be normal about them i am so sorry.  R+A annon I love you, I love you so much for this you made my entire month and possibly my year.  Awakening is also what got me into the series and made me so many friends I just love her so much.  She's an icon and I hope she gets remastered with Sumia either deleted or with a fucking personality.

I should probably sit down and actually write a timeline for myself of events, but since I am free to lean in to the fire emblem pacing, I want to say that monsters from Yutu's timeline start showing up (similar to how the Risen do in Awakening) in the past and stirring up trouble, which leads to an event where Yutu panics and forgets himself in his desperation to protect his dad.  The main way the future kids always proved themselves was by showing their mother's wedding ring, but Yutu doesn't have that so really it's just up to his dad to see someone who looks like him and Yuu blended together, supposedly from Yuu's world using magic and above all else crying out and driving up his own blot levels to protect him calling him dad. For Azul! Yutu it's especially painful, he feels like he already knows what his dad is going to say. That he's disappointed in him. That he has no idea how they could possibly be related. That he hopes in this future he turns out to be different. But that's not what happens.

Before Azul overblotted he was quiet. There's a similar quiet over him now, a similar look of tense surprise, but Yutu- no- his child doesn't know that. His child is looking at him in fear, in worry for his reaction or his safety he doesn't know but he knows the way those tears start to form. Azul knows the quiver of the lip and the shriek, of all the things he could have passed on to such a treasure.

"You deserved better from me." Because it's true. He might think of himself as a work in progress but he still thinks he has quality; he would have done research, read every book he could get his hands on, taken classes, anything he would need to do to be a good father, a worthy partner. Anything. "You deserved to have the world within your grasp, not whatever shadow of a future and a father I left you with. I am so sorry." He does not expect Yutu to grab him and hold him like he's still somehow worthy of his love, but Azul can't fight the urge to grab back, to stroke his son's hair and let the tears fall on his suit without any care at all. I'm here. It's ok, daddy's here, daddy's got you, he won't let anything happen to you.

As for your second question, I did not really write Crowley like that no. It was more like he was the first person mysteriously arrested after the Magical Marshall's decided to finally do their job. I was writing it like they wanted to ship Yuu away to cover up for their own incompetence in preventing seven overblots instead of properly investigating what might have caused that. He's not completely innocent though, so yes. The boys do not take it well at all. And please do not apologize for sending in your thoughts, I am so so slow but I love hearing from you.

[iamjacksragingboner]

Overprotective Soap Part 2

Word Count: 2.4K

Warnings: Mild NSFW, no smut

Part One

Part Three

A/N: Been fiddling around with this part two/collection of events for a couple days now, if this does poorly I'll actually do something drastic. Anyways enjoy whatever this is

After about a week of Johnny finding excuses to sleep over at yours, he eventually stopped looking for ways to weasel into your bed. You eventually gave up on caring about Johnny’s impromtu take over of your apartment, living under the impression that he was probably just over protective, and would leave once your foot was healed.

Under the guise of this optimism, you fell into a routine with Johnny, treating him a little like an overeager puppy, careful not to say or do anything that would trigger his desire to help you when you didn’t need to be aided. If you were lucky, you could put on the TV and sit with him for a while, and once you were sure he was enraptured by whatever was happening onscreen, you would sneak off to shower or get a breath of fresh air.

Johnny wasn’t stupid though—on the contrary, he was frighteningly intelligent—and he caught onto your tricks within about a week. To combat you sneaking off, he had begun to hold your hand whenever he was near you, his thumb idly tracing your knuckles as you both sat, your legs on his lap, and watched TV. Anytime he felt your hand slip from his, his eyes would flick to you expectantly, his head tilting in a manner not unlike a dog. Any innocence in the face of a dog was lost in Johnny’s knowing, almost taunting gaze.

“Need anythin’, lass?”

You cleared your throat, eyes darting to Johnny’s hand wrapping around yours once more, playing delicately with your fingers absentmindedly. “I just need to shower, that’s all.”

His eyes lit up, and you swore he started to salivate at the prospect.

“Alone,” you clarified, and he frowned.

“What if ye fall in the shower? I cannae be there to catch ye if I’m locked out now, lass, can I?”

You brushed off his concerns and stood, retracted your hand from his, and ignored the cold loss of contact. “I’ll be fine, Johnny. If I need anything, I’ll call out to you, I promise.”

Unluckily for you, this seemed to be the one time you actually needed Johnny’s help, as you slipped and took a tumble in the shower, knocking your head on the wall as you fell.

Within an instant, Johnny had forced the sliding door open with an almighty crash and rushed to your side. Falling to his knees, he ran his hands along you, eyes frantically scanning you for any sign of injury.

“Steamin’ bloody Jesus, are ye hurt bonnie? Ye bleedin’? What’d ye do?”

You hissed in pain as you let Johnny’s hands take over you, for once taking comfort in his concern for you. “Fuck, my ass,” you said, wincing.

“That can be arranged later, but are ye in any pain currently?”

For a brief moment you forgot your pain as you rolled your eyes at the man before you, unsure whether to hit him in the face or the balls first. You were quickly brought back to reality as your head and foot throbbed in pain.

“Fell on my foot weird and bumped my head too, fuck that hurt like a bitch,” you spat, hand going to cup the side of your head, but Johnny's own hand beat you to it. His rough and calloused hand almost petted your hair, and you found yourself leaning into the touch. Your eyes met his, and a look of sheer affection and care passed over his eyes, making your heart momentarily stutter in your chest.

"Ye don't seem concussed to me, bonnie, but lets wrap ye up in a towel and get that foot propped up, an' I'll keep an eye on ye for the time bein'. That sound alright?"

You couldn't help but nod and for once accept the care that Johnny was offering you. For once he wasn't making (as many) lewd jokes, wasn't hovering over you like some sort of housefly, wasn't finding ways to bother you with his mild creepiness. You watched with tentative owl-like eyes as he turned off the shower and wrapped you in a towel, careful not to touch you anywhere he shouldn't, careful not to startle you as he lifted you.

He carried you as though you were precious cargo, cradled you with your head tucked into his chest as if he were rescuing you from a burning building and fuck, didn't that feel nice; to be cared for.

You felt almost empty when he placed you delicately in your bed, whining at the loss of contact and shivering at the lack of warmth.

"Ach, I ken, lass, I ken. I'll be there in a moment, don't ye worry yer bonnie little head," Johnny cooed, and you watched as he walked into the kitchen to grab ice for your foot, wrapping it up in a hand towel before propping it under your foot.

You sighed, for once not in annoyance, as he climbed into bed with you, tucking your body into his side and running his hand through your hair. Despite being naked in bed with a fully clothed man, for once you didn't feel uncomfortable around Johnny. You felt safe.

"Thanks, Johnny," you whispered, your heart stuttering once more as you felt his chest rumble in acknowledgment, his chin resting on your head.

Following this incident, you're less inclined to bat Johnny away as he hovers around you, his hands darting to your sides if you even slightly wobble. Of course, it doesn't make it any less annoying; you're mostly just happy to know it all comes from a place of genuine concern.

Showers are different now. Johnny has taken to getting in with you, with the excuse that your body is "nothin' I haven't seen before, lass, and I cannae have ye fallin' and hittin' yer head again now, can I?"

You supposed he was right to be concerned, but there was no way you were letting him stand in that tiny shower with you. At his towering height, you were sure his body would catch the majority of the water, and you'd leave the shower no cleaner than when you got in. Johnny instead had to settle for standing just outside the shower, blue eyes piercing through the glass screen of the shower and roaming all over your body whenever he felt you weren't paying attention to him. Licking his lips like a starved animal when you ran your hands along your breasts, the curve of your waist, the arch of your back, washing the soap suds from your body.

There were times when you'd felt a little adventurous, putting on a show for the man as you showered, dragging your hands along your body as though you were on stage, but never looking at Johnny. If you looked at him, you feared he'd know your game, know that you were doing this on purpose, doing this to taunt him.

He never reacted the way you expected. The minute you stepped out of the shower, patting yourself dry with your towel agonisingly slowly, he was out of the bathroom, out of your apartment and back in his own apartment, muttering to himself all the way, to go do god knows what. Was he flustered? Or was he that damn horny that he needed to leave the apartment you'd shared for a month now so that he could sort himself out? God only knew.

Roughly three months of this had passed, three months of a back and forth sexual tension that never seemed to amount to anything, and Johnny still hadn't left your apartment. Despite the fact that you were walking completely fine now, your foot confirmed via doctor and x-ray that it was healed, Johnny was still in your apartment.

You tried broaching the topic lightly, spouting nonsense to him about how happy you were that your foot was healed now. He shared in your joy of course, but didn't make any effort to budge from “his spot” on the couch. You continue onward, talking about how excited you were to get back to doing things for yourself, and how exhausted he must be from helping you for so long.

“Ah it’s no trouble, bonnie, no sweat off my back helpin' ye out.” The way he grinned at you suggested either he was completely oblivious to your attempts at getting him to leave, or he was well and truly aware but knew he had somehow already won this battle. You had no idea which it was.

Once you were sure he wouldn't take indirect, passive aggressive comments, you dropped the big guns. "My foot isn't broken anymore," you said, matter-of-factly one day, sitting across from Johnny at the table.

Johnny frowned, ducking under the table for a brief moment, before resurfacing once more. "Well, yer certainly not cut out tae be a detective, pretty sure it's been outta that boot for about a week or two now, lass."

You bit your cheek to keep from grinning, and soldier onwards. "So when are you moving out?"

Johnny's fork clatters to the table, and you fear he may even start to tear up, based on the look on his face. "Move out?" he sputters, getting up to walk around the table to you, placing his hands on the back of your chair and bending down to your eye level. "I cannae move out now, lass, not when yer in the most dangerous stage of healin' a broken bone!"

You raised a brow at the man. "The most dangerous stage?" you deadpanned. There was no way this man was serious. You were completely healed, the doctor had confirmed it to the pair of you—mostly to Johnny—multiple times.

"Of course, it's when the doctor tells ye yer healed that yer most likely tae break it again. Ye put too much trust in the bone and start bein' reckless, and all of a sudden yer on the floor again with a secondary fracture, and ye've kicked me out and ye cannae call for help and ye bleed tae death on the floor."

You blink up at Johnny, trying as hard as you can to find some sort of wriggle room that will create some space between you. "Johnny I promise you, I won't get up to anything reckless. I wasn't even a reckless person before the break, I doubt I’d go and do anything dangerous now.”

He clicked his fingers at you, eyes wide. "And that there's yer issue! Ye don't even need tae do anythin' reckless tae break a bone, lass; it happens in the blink of an eye!" He stood back up to his full height with his arms crossed and stared down at you with a steely gaze. "I'm stayin' right here, keepin' ye safe through this perilous period, whether ye think ye need it or not."

You begrudgingly drop it for a little, keeping a cautious eye on him as he continued to flit about your apartment through the days, cleaning as he went, cooking the two of you meals from the recipe book he'd bought recently, sitting across from you at the table and smiling warmly at you whenever you made eye contact, squeezing your hand as you sat on the couch together. There were times when he'd approach you from behind as you stood washing dishes in the kitchen. He'd wrap his arms around your middle and rest his chin on your shoulder just to watch you as you worked.

"You need anything?" You muttered to him, as he nosed at your neck.

His hands slipped to your waist and gave it a squeeze. "Nah," he murmured, his hot breath tickling your neck and making your own catch in your throat. "Just wanted to hold ye for a bit."

Over time, you begin to become suspicious that Johnny might have convinced himself that the two of you are dating, given the way he looks at you, the way he holds you, the way he cradles you in bed at night. With such constant close contact, even you begin to question whether you would consider this normal for neighbours to do. A voice in the back of your mind tells you it's very much not, and you should probably just bite the bullet and confront the situation head on, like that's ever going to happen. You were quick to silence that voice.

Johnny's obsession with keeping you as close as possible bleeds out into your trips out as well, always in contact with you somehow as you walk together to the park or the library, holding your hand as if you're his lifeline.

On the rare off-chance that he happened to briefly not be by your side one day, another man approached you, and you chatted absentmindedly. He seemed friendly enough, and you found yourself enjoying this casual conversation. You frowned when the colour seemed to suddenly drain from the man's face, his eyes staring up at something behind you.

You were reassured, if not a little dejected, to feel a familiar hand wrap around your own, knowing it was just Johnny behind you, and not some murderer.

"Ye mind steppin' back from my girl?" Johnny seethed, and the man put his hands up in surrender.

"All yours, pal. We were just chatting, honestly."

You felt bad for the guy, offering him an apologetic look as Johnny stared daggers at him.

"Just chattin, aye? Is eyein' her up 'just chattin'? Tryin tae stake yer claim on what’s not yers? I'm not daft, I know what ye were doin'. I best not see ye near my girl again, aye?"

You turned to Johnny, horrified at the prospect of him threatening someone over something as trivial as a conversation, and tried to apologise to the man as best as you could. "Sorry, he's not usually like this, I promise. He's actually a sort of okay guy once you get to know him, I swear."

The man looked incredulously between you and Johnny, before shaking his head. "You oughta put a leash on him," he muttered, giving Johnny a dirty look. "Fuckin guard dog of a man," he spat, before trudging away.

In an instant, you whipped around to look at Johnny, horrified. "What the fuck was that?"

Johnny shrugged, not meeting your gaze. "Didn't like the way he was lookin' at ye."

You rolled your eyes and grabbed his hand, steering the pair of you in the direction of our apartment your apartment. "Didn't like the way he was looking at me, honestly," you muttered under your breath, only feeling partly annoyed at Johnny scaring off some random guy you were happily speaking to. You promptly ignored the part of you that was quite happily turned on by the way Johnny so eagerly protected what he thought was his, and especially ignored the part of you that secretly enjoyed the idea. Being his.

What a strange thought.

[gothic-aesthetic-gal]

Old Scars (Part 5)

Ledger!joker x reader

Fem!reader is kidnapped by the joker and his henchmen while just trying to get a moment's reprieve from her boring, soul-destroying job ✨️

Tw: I mean, we all saw TDK, right? I'd say this is on the same level/rating. Kidnapping, violence, mentions of minor characters (not J) being misogynist/threatening SA, reference to past traumatic injury. Beyond this i'm not sure, i'll update these when I write more.

🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏

Part 5 -

After brushing his teeth, he roughly tossed a towel in my direction. The fact he even owned a toothbrush surprised me given that his teeth honestly looked yellow, but then again, the amount of chain smoking he was doing probably had something to do with that. Plus, red lipstick was notorious for making stained teeth look worse - I guess red paint was no different.

He seemed to find it amusing that I dragged a chair from the kitchen into the bathroom to jam under the door handle. I didn't care what he thought of it; I wasn't crazy enough to trust him. Not one bit. What if he took it upon himself to faithfully recreate the iconic shower scene from psycho? I didn't want my blood spiralling down the plughole as I breathed my last.

Once I was barricaded in the bathroom and under the hot water, my tense muscles began to relax a little. My black eye still stung, tinged purple and the edges turning sickly yellow as my body began trying to heal it. Thankfully my scraped up feet were faring much better, one of the few positives of being stuck here was that I hadn't been on them much as they were healing. I let the water wash over my body, seeping into my scalp and over my face. It felt as though it might wash off some of the strangeness of the last couple of days. I closed my eyes and imagined this was all just some sort of break from reality, one that I could snap out of and be back in my own apartment. Maybe I was just in the shower before going to work - but then again, part of me was still relieved that wasn't the case. Nothing could make me miss that job.

I grabbed the cheap 3-in-1 bodywash, shampoo, and conditioner, laughing a little to myself at the ridiculousness of men's shower products being like this. I missed my own separate counterparts, but at this stage anything would do. Despite the havoc it would probably wreak on my hair, it did at least smell nice. I did my best to comb it through with my hands and rinse it all out.

Finally satisfied with my efforts, I turned off the water and stepped out into the cold. Hurriedly drying myself down and getting dressed again, feeling very vulnerable in my nakedness, I threw my head forward and gathered my hair up into the towel. I twisted it and tucked it in. Then I pulled my socks and boots back on, my feet already feeling the cold. At least there had been hot water. Removing the chair and stepping out of the cloud of steam, I made my way back into the main living space.

I was met by the sight of J hunched over a mirror at the table. His back was to me as I approached and I coughed to announce my presence. He turned in his seat, revealing his half painted face for a moment. His surprisingly tanned skin was peppered with patches of white paint.

Part of me felt disappointed to see his real face vanishing. Although, maybe to him, this was his real face now... I approached the table slowly, chair still tucked under my arm. I set it down and sat on it facing the wrong way - so that the back of it was against my torso, and my arms folded against the top. Propping up my head with one hand I watched him as he continued to rub the white paint onto his face.

"You need something?" He grumbled.

"No, I'm just observing. I figure no one else sees this..." I gestured.

He gave me a look, which I found difficult to read (maybe that was part of why he put the makeup on in the first place.)

I couldn't deny the part of me that felt drawn in by the spectacle. I knew it was fucked up, but it was like morbid fascination again. I watched his every move as he put down the white and picked up the black. How fitting that the smile would be the last part... He was using his fingers and a grubby little paintbrush to apply it all, leaving white and grey smudges on his hands. In a sort of trance-like desire for understanding I reached out a hand for the cracked white paint. The logo of any brand had long since rubbed off, leaving a broken disc of chalky paint with a cracked lid. I absent-mindedly traced the cracks with my finger tips, not realising I was now the one being watched.

I became aware of it when he reached out and his fingertips brushed against my temple - the place where the metal plate was holding my skull together. Involuntarily, I recoiled at him touching such a vulnerable spot.

"Sorry," he muttered.

This shocked me more than anything else had yet and I blinked in confusion. Had he just... apologised to me?

"It's just a reflex," I responded flatly.

He said nothing as he continued to black out his eyes. I carried on tracing the broken mosaic of the white paint.

"You know..." I began, "in Japan there's a long history of repairing broken pottery with precious metals..."

I put the white paint down and carried on my little monologue.

"I'm pretty sure that they used medical grade titanium on me, and given what that's done to my health insurance prices, it may as well be a precious metal," I chuckled a little under my breath.

"Mhm, and why'd they do that?"

"I think, because they find new beauty in it. The pot is changed forever, and instead of tossing it out, they embrace it. The metal really highlights the cracks. I like the idea."

He turned to face me.

"I meant why did they put a metal plate in your head, and why does that mean you pay more to live? Don't you see, that's crazy..." He said slowly.

"Oh." I blushed feeling kind of stupid.

He grinned.

"But, I like the other thing," he said, leaning forward with the black paint brush.

He began to apply paint to my face, tracing my scars. Despite his animated body language, he had a surprisingly steady hand - something which was probably useful when you dealt with explosives, I thought. It was strange to see his face, so close to my own, and missing the signiature splash of red. His dark eyes looking down the bridge of his nose at his handiwork, his tonge sticking out a little in the left corner of his mouth... If I didn't know who he was, I would have found it endearing.

He leaned back in his chair with a pensive hum in that rumbling voice which had become so familiar to me now. I couldn't see what the result of his artistic exploit was, and was a little afraid to find out. He manually turned my head to the side as he returned with the paint brush.

"You know you could just ask rather than cranking my head around like that. I'd like to keep it attached," I muttered, a little pissed off.

He found this very humourous, bouncing around in his seat with laughter.

"Stop it, I'm serious!" I snapped, irritation rising.

He stopped laughing fairly abruptly - becoming very still in a way that raised the hair on the back of my neck.

"You should never be serious, doll, it's so boring."

Before I could come up with a response, he put down the brush and turned the mirror towards me. My eyes fell on my reflection and the web of black cracks he had highlighted for me. My reaction was visceral, a mixture of self-loathing and yet, somewhere in there, an appreciation for the artistic look it gave. It really did make it look like a fork of lightning.

The idea of drawing attention to something I so often tried to hide, or at least shrink, to blazenly emphasise something I attempted to distract from, often for other peoples' comfort more than my own... I felt a surge of emotion and my eyes stung with tears. He watched my body language intently.

"You don't like it?" He asked.

"I, I don't know how I feel about it..." I shook my head.

"I think, it makes you even more beautiful... And you are beautiful," he urged with an intensity that scared and thrilled me in equal measure.

No one had ever really told me that, not even before the accident. I always thought I was unremarkable, in every way. I felt overlooked for my intellect and any asthetic value I did have. It felt just as gut-wrenching as when the kind shop girl had said she thought I was pretty.

My world was so quiet these days, and so devoid of any kind of praise. Hot tears begin to brim in my eyes. It was hard sometimes not to feel so angry at the way people treated me. Sometimes I felt like i'd died that day, the me I knew certainly had. As much as I'd struggled to like whoever that girl was, I wasn't sure who I was anymore. I felt like a ghost. No one even knew I was here, and that was painful... but also oddly liberating.

I laughed a little hysterically, as I picked up the red paint pot. The negative words of my co-workers, people on the bus, random men in the street, all flickered through my mind. Ordinary people could be so cruel it astonished me sometimes. And here I was. Sat opposite a man who was supposed to represent the worst of the worst. And he was telling me I was beautiful. It's a funny world we live in...

He watched me with a kind of intense fascination as I wrestled my inner thoughts. It struck me that perhaps I was hard for him to read.

Suddenly, something clicked. I let go of my panic and confusion, resigning myself to acting on impulse instead. I didn't weigh up the risks for once: constant calculation was exhausting. Sometimes I wanted to just do things - I decided I could deal with the potential fallout later.

I grasped my hand under his jaw and forcibly turned him to face me. His eyes flashed with a kind of fire, though whether it was rage at me returning the favour of manhandling him like that, or something else, I couldn't tell. I wasn't sure I needed to know which.

I dipped a finger into the red paint and began to put the missing smile back on his face. Turning him this way and that, I felt giddy with the feeling of power it gave me, however fragile that power might be. Somehow, knowing just how dangerous he was only heightened the feeling...

As I covered the last of his scars with the red, I moved my finger to his lips. His eyes fluttered shut as I carefully applied that part more like I would my own lipstick, keeping it neater and mostly within the lines. I felt him let out a little rumble of approval, the vibration of his voice through his lips against my index finger.

I withdrew and looked him over, smudging out both his smile and the dark circles with my other hand.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Blending is your friend," I joked in a sing-songy voice.

A strange kind of smirk crept into his features.

"You surprise me," he purred.

"I know," I said back, with a smirk of my own. It was true, I had worked out that much.

When I was satisfied at the job well done, I wiped my hands on some paper towel, removing the worst of the paint residue. He was still watching me intently, like he might burn a hole right through me.

"You got a staring problem?" I chided, crossing over to the kitchen area.

I opened the cupboard which I had found the vodka bottle in and perused the various other old dusty bottles. I pulled a couple out and set them on the counter trying to read what they were.

"What are you doing?"

"Well I figure, since i'm stuck here... and shit is getting increasingly weird, I'm gonna need a drink," I shot back.

Some of the bottles weren't even labelled.

"What is this... moonshine? Drain cleaner?" I chuckled.

"Well, you could always do a taste test: everything is drinkable... some things only once," He erupted into laughter.

As much as I hated to admit it, he'd made me laugh too. I opened one of the bottles without a label. The smell was so strong I wondered if it was pure ethanol.

"Whoah, I feel like this one could burn my eyeballs out just with the fumes," I exclaimed.

I picked up another bottle, this time one with a label in Russian. He grabbed the bottle from my hand and held it up in the light.

"Overproof, not legal but, uh," he gestured melodramatically to the various other less-than-legal apparatus strewn about the place.

"It's not even open, I wonder why," I said sarcastically.

With a flourish, he pulled out a butterfly knife, cut the metal foil from the neck of the bottle, and popped the stopper.

"Are you actually going to drink that?" I asked in horror.

He sniffed it and screwed up his face immediately.

"No."

I took the bottle from him and felt my eyes water at the vapour. Overcome with impulsive curiosity I put it to my lips and took a swig. J's eyes widened in amusement and anticipation.

For a split second I thought it would be fine, and then it started to really burn. I coughed and choked for a moment before managing to regain a little of my composure. My face was red hot. It definitely was vodka, the strongest I'd ever tasted.

"I think you might have a few screws loose, doll," he grinned.

"Maybe," I spluttered out, between more coughing.

"Careful, they might ship you off to Arkham," he teased.

"Well, I think you could use that as drain cleaner, even if it's not meant to be," I said finally as I drank cold water straight from the kitchen faucet in a desperate attempt to stop the burning.

He laughed again at my antics.

When I had recovered I stood up and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. My stomach growled, reminding me again how hungry for some proper food I was. I decided to test the boundaries of the little bond we seemed to have made.

"I'd like some real food, and a toothbrush," I blurted out.

"Oh you would? Is that a demand or a request?" He asked placing a hand in his pocket.

For a moment I thought i'd fucked up and he might be reaching for the knife, but much to my relief he pulled out a mobile phone.

"A request. Please, I need a square meal and something other than vodka for mouthwash," I urged.

He looked me up and down for a moment, that calculating look on his face again. I was being scrutinised and shifted a little on the spot. His gaze was so intense at times it was almost like I could physically feel it.

Finally he punched in some numbers and let the phone ring. When the line clicked and someone answered he turned away and paced by the window. I couldn't make out the conversation other than the odd snippet on our end. I took a seat at the table.

"No,"

"Don't ask why, just do as I tell ya,"

"Just get some different options..."

"Oh and I want a toothbrush."

"Are you hard of hearing?" He growled the final line as the guy on the other end seemed to be asking too many questions. After hanging up he sat down opposite me, elbows resting on the table and his hands forming a steeple.

Suddenly, a deafening crack rang out and the mirror exploded into a pile of fragments. An involuntary shriek escaped my mouth. He had a six shooter pistol in one hand. I was frozen in shock and fear for a moment, trying to get to grips with what had just happened.

I was looking again at my face in the mirror with the same mixture of conflicting emotions as before. I was starting to feel a little sad and it showed in the eyes of the girl staring back out at me.

"You... shot the mirror?!"

"We have a winner" he said mockingly.

"But, why?"

He rolled his eyes as though it should be obvious to me.

"It made you frown, problem solved".

"What the fuck? You could have hit me! I thought you said you didn't want to kill me!"

My heart rate was still pounding away in my ears and chest.

"I'm a very good shot," He said, waving the gun around all too casually.

I was dumbfounded, with nothing else to say as my brain scrambled to keep up.

"You don't trust me?" He urged, leaning across the table.

The habit he had of his tongue flicking out to the corner of his lip made me think of a serpent. Even when he seemed docile, there was always the threat of a strike. I still couldn't find the words.

"Doll, I didn't shoot you. Have I harmed a single hair on your pretty little head?"

"Well no, not since I got to the apartment, but -"

"See?" He cut me off, leaning back in his chair with his hands behind his head as if to say 'I rest my case'.

"Well... won't someone have heard that? What if they call the cops?"

"On this side of town? No. Besides, pretty much this entire neighbourhood is abandoned," he shrugged.

I frowned, still returning slowly from the startle response.

"Look," he slid the gun across the table to me, "you can shoot that in here and nobody will know."

He was testing me again.

I shakily reached out a hand to touch the gun. I felt like it had to be some kind of desperate hallucination but no - I grasped it and slid my finger over the trigger. It was cold to the touch. There was no way he would have handed me a loaded gun, I had to see for myself and checked for bullets.

"You... you just handed me a gun with three bullets in it?" I scoffed in disbelief.

"Mm-hm. Question is, what are you going to do with it?

Could I shoot him? Maybe non-fatally? And make a run for it? My head was reeling. If I did it, I could finally get out of here.

He watched eagerly, soaking up the moment of crisis I was experiencing.

"This really makes you tick doesn't it?"

"I'm a dealer of simple choices," he grinned.

I felt compelled to talk it through to myself.

"I guess you think i'm either too afraid to shoot you - maybe that I don't have the guts to do it - or, that on the slight chance you've made a terrible miscalculation, I do shoot you, and prove you right about us being the same."

"You're right on the money, I can't deny it."

I snapped the chamber back into position and took aim at him, trying my best to recall what little practice I had with guns. I'd shot a rifle once or twice as a teenager, but only the kind used for sport. I lined things up the best I could, squinting while I did.

I watched his reaction carefully. If he was afraid, it didn't show in the slightest. My finger felt heavy against the trigger as it hovered there.

"So what's it gonna be?"

I figured if the shots were heard and anyone cared, maybe they would send the GCPD to investigate. Or, if no one heard or no one cared, then it didn't matter if I fired the gun. Could I actually shoot another human being though? Even one this twisted? I thought about his unpainted face and at the last second, I let my hand drift so that my mark was less than a metre to his left. With a squeeze of the trigger I fired a shot straight past him and into the wall. I didn't flinch. He did with a laugh.

For good measure, I offloaded the other two bullets into the wall as well: better not to hand him back a loaded weapon. Then I slid the empty gun back across the table. I hoped the point I was making was understood well enough. The point being:

'No. I can't - or I won't - shoot you. Not right now, but that could always change.'

We stayed locked in a stare-off as I waited to see what he would do next.

"Did you mean to miss?" He asked, sounding strangely excited.

"Of course..." I said, trying to sound nonchalant about it rather than pleased I hadn't accidentally fucked up and painted the wall with the contents of his skull.

"Well, consider me grateful you didn't accidentally shoot me then, you don't seem the type to have have had much practice with firearms."

I shrugged, hoping he wasn't secretly holding it against me that I had somewhat endangered his life. In my mind, it was more than fair at this point.

Suddenly the electronic factory setting ringtone of a phone cut through the air and he stood up to answer it, peering out of the window. By now it was rapidly getting dark again, and raining heavily outside. He cut the call and slid up the old sash, latching it in place. Before long, one of his men appeared on the fire escape and handed him through several plastic bags.

"You forget something?" J asked sounding unamused.

"Oh yeah!" He exclaimed, patting down his pockets and withdrawing a packet with a toothbrush inside. He handed it over sheepishly and quickly retreated down the ladder again.

J shut the window again and put the bags on the table, setting the toothbrush down in front of me pointedly.

"Thank you," I said inspecting the toothbrush inside it's little plastic prison.

I began to rip open the plastic bags and was met with the smell of chinese takeout. There was a pretty obscene amount of food in total, but I figured if i'd been the guy tasked with getting it, I'd have gone overboard too - and he was told to 'get some different options'. I decided to turn on the old tv set again, to see if there was anything good on it.

It flickered to life part way through an old movie, which I recognised after a while as Alfred Hitchcock's Vertigo. From what little of it I could recall, it was almost at the final sequence. I left it on as we sat and ate. Since he wasn't likely to care, I deliberately abandoned my own table manners.

One thing I could say about his company, was that it drew attention to all the unwritten little rules I followed without question. Maybe there was a less extreme way in which letting some of the rules of 'civilised society' go could be a good thing. So many of the smaller ones were objectively pointless.

The man and woman on the tv screen were locked in a struggle, climbing a bell tower. The man, having found out the woman he loved didn't exist, that the woman opposite him had been impersonating a dead woman all along, was losing it. As old and melodramatic as the film was, I was on the edge of my seat. The tension was almost unbearable.

Eventually she either slipped or jumped from the tower, to her death. I had forgotten about the food in front of me, locked in a stupor watching the action unfold.

"You like this movie?" J asked.

I nodded.

"It's not bad, I've seen it once before, but a long time ago. Do you think she jumped or fell?"

"Hmm, do we know he didn't push her?"

"Mentally sure, but he didn't physically push her, I think she panicked when that nun appeared."

"Why'd you think she panicked?" He asked between chewing.

"I think it was the guilt. She thought the woman she helped to murder was back for blood. I kinda wish that was the case, actually, I love a little bit of poetic justice."

"Isn't that a little... cliché?" He said, hitting me yet again with a raised eyebrow.

"What's so wrong with cliché?" I shot back.

"It's predictable. It's, ah, it's boring," he said, waving his fork around wildly.

"Sometimes, sure, but the way I see it, you need to have your expectations met most of the time - otherwise there would be no surprises when something doesn't play out as expected. The unpredictable would become... predictable," I mused aloud, going back to eating my noodles. He seemed to be chewing on my words for a bit.

"You are right about that. People like the predictable, it makes them feel safe, people are happy when things go according to plan," he said with that wicked sort of half smile.

"Even you and I," I added, "We all have expectations of people. It's hardwired into us I think. Human brains are all about pattern recognition and replication. It's a double edged sword for us all..."

At this he made a kind of excitable sound and pointed across the table to me.

"I like you, I like that I can't always predict what you're gonna do. So many people are just too consistent."

"But see, without the predictability would you feel that way? Can't have one without the other! But that might be the alcohol talking," I chuckled.

I caught myself smiling at him. What was I doing?

Link to other chapters below:

[terriblesoup]

The reality of Creative Burnout

It's been a while since I've last written anything, and it's been bothering me so when you read this and you picture me as a karen holding her 10 am red wine and with a child-hating fueled anger complaining about the bird noise in her backyard, then you've done me justice that's exactly how I feel and look.

1. Understanding creative burnout: More than just exhaustion

When we talk about burnout in general, it is mostly a consequence of overwhelming tasks on a monotonous routine basis which causes fatigue that is both emotional and physical. Creative burnout is more tied to the emotional and intellectual demands of an artist. It deeply affects the ability to generate new ideas or feeling any joy in one's craft.

And if you've been there,-and I am most certain you have been- you know it's not just being a little tired or feeling like taking a long nap. It’s that special kind of exhaustion where your brain feels like a dried-out sponge someone left in the sun for three weeks.

And when your ideas evaporate faster than your morning coffee and every attempt to create something feels like pulling your own teeth, your brain has never been this loud and blank at the same time. You know it's time to put down your pen and breathe because there's more to it than you being an art failure ( you're not).

And I'll tell you why it's happening to you and not others: because creative work is like putting your soul on display, and when it doesn’t come out perfect, it feels personal. Add to that deadlines, the pressure to innovate, and the charming little voice of self-doubt, and you’ve got the perfect recipe for burnout stew. Plus, let’s be real—most of us work alone. There’s no office buddy to say, “Hey, it’s fine, go take a walk.” Nope, it’s just you and the void, staring each other down.

2. The triggers of creative burnout: Pressure, Perfectionism, and Pace

It doesn’t happen because you’re lazy, unmotivated, or bad at your job. It happens because the world-or your own brain-has decided you need to function like a creativity vending machine. Insert a deadline, press a button, and voilà: a masterpiece pops out. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work like that.

If you've hit our common wall, it's probably because of one or all the three usually culprits :

High expectations:

The weight of expectations is crushing, especially when you’re the one piling it on yourself.

“Just be better than last time,” you think. Great. Now every project feels like a fight to prove your worth, to everyone, including yourself. Because apparently, creating something good isn’t enough anymore-it has to be perfect. No pressure, though <3.

Tight deadlines (because,duh, genius happens overnight, wait what do you mean you can't? You're fired)

There’s nothing like a deadline to drain the soul out of your work. The clock starts ticking, and suddenly you’re not making art; you’re cranking out products. Deadlines kill spontaneity. They don’t care if you’re inspired or running on fumes.

Let’s be real,when was the last time a creative deadline felt reasonable? It’s always,“Can you have this by yesterday?” Forget brilliance. You’re lucky if you can slap something together that doesn’t embarrass you.

Overworking (this is on you):

“I’ll stop after this one thing.” you won’t! One more thing turns into an all-nighter, which turns into a month of over-caffeinated tunnel vision. The grind never ends because we’ve convinced ourselves that rest is a luxury instead of a necessity.

Working nonstop doesn’t make you a genius. It makes you tired. But sure, keep skipping meals, ignoring friends, and convincing yourself that burnout is just “part of the process.” That always ends well.

3. How burnout affects the creative process: Loss of inspiration and drive

For writers, burnout often looks like the dreaded block. You stare at the page, but the words don’t come. Your once-flowing ideas now feel like trying to pull water from a stone. Artists might find themselves detached from their work, going through the motions with no emotional connection to the piece. Musicians might start to dread performing, feeling overwhelmed by anxiety instead of joy. Whatever the medium, the result is the same: you feel stuck, uninspired, and utterly out of sync with your craft.

The first wave of burnout is frustration. You know you’re capable of more. You remember what it felt like to be in the zone, to create something that lit you up inside. But now, every attempt feels like wading through molasses. The ideas don’t come, or worse, they feel hollow and forced. And when your work doesn’t meet your own standards, the frustration multiplies.

Oh look over there! It's the heaping side of guilt getting closer. You feel like a failure because you’re not creating-or not creating enough-and the shame can be paralyzing. What’s worse is knowing that your creative block isn’t from a lack of talent or skill but sheer exhaustion. You’re stuck in a loop: can’t create because you’re burned out, and can’t shake the burnout because you feel too guilty to rest.

Then it messes with your relationship to your work. You might start to resent the thing you once loved because now it feels like an obligation. Every project feels like a chore, and the joy that once fueled your creativity is nowhere to be found.

The final gut punch of burnout is the loss of drive. That innate desire to create, to express yourself, to bring something new into the world-it’s gone. Or at least, it’s hiding under a mountain of fatigue, frustration, and guilt. Without that drive, even the idea of creating can feel overwhelming.

But here’s the thing: burnout isn’t permanent. It’s a signal-not that you’re broken, but that you’ve been running too hard for too long. The only way back is through rest, reflection, and reminding yourself why you started in the first place. Creativity isn’t something you can force, and burnout isn’t something you can hustle your way out of. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is stop.

4. Breaking the cycle: coping mechanisms for recovering from burnout

Burnout recovery isn’t a sprint-it’s a messy, sometimes uncomfortable process. But it’s possible.

Take intentional breaks

No no, not doom-scrolling on your phone or calling it “relaxation” while secretly stressing about unfinished projects. I’m talking real breaks, time spent doing things that genuinely recharge you. Go for a walk, binge that guilty pleasure show without shame, or sit outside and stare at trees like you’re auditioning for a meditation app. The point is to stop trying to be productive for a little while.

Reconnect with your passion

Burnout tends to make your creative passion feel like a chore. To fix that, strip away all the pressure. Draw just for fun. Write nonsense that no one will ever see. Try something new and low-stakes, like pottery or finger painting (yes, finger painting, I like doing makeup to recharge, it requires no thinking). Remember why you started creating in the first place, back when it wasn’t about deadlines or expectations.

Set boundaries like your life depends on It

Because, honestly? It kind of does. Start saying “no” to things that drain you-unreasonable clients, soul-sucking projects, or your own impossible standards. Tell people (and yourself) that your time and energy are finite resources. It’s not selfish; it’s survival.

Seek professional help

Sometimes, burnout runs deeper than “needing a break.” If you’re overwhelmed by guilt, anxiety, or hopelessness, a therapist can help you sort through the emotional mess and build healthier coping mechanisms. Therapy isn’t a last resort; it’s a tool for getting your creative spark back without setting yourself on fire in the process.

Practice self-compassion

This is the hardest one because we’re our own worst critics. But here’s the truth: you’re allowed to step back. You’re allowed to rest. You don’t have to earn your worth through endless creation. Burnout isn’t a personal failure-it’s a sign that you’ve been pushing too hard for too long. Treat yourself with the kindness you’d offer a struggling friend ( and I knoooowww y'all have a problem practicing your own advice, I just know.)

Redefine success

Let go of the idea that you need to be constantly producing to be “successful.” Your worth isn’t tied to how much you create or how perfect it is. Focus on the journey, not the output. Celebrate the small wins, even if they’re as simple as writing one paragraph or sketching a single line( took me two weeks to write this blog btw, I am taking that small win and winning it all over the place).

5. The myths of creative burnout: Overcoming society’s expectations of “nonstop productivity”

Real creatives never run out of ideas

Ever heard someone say, “If you’re a real writer/painter/musician, the ideas will always flow”? Yeah, no. Creativity isn’t a bottomless well; it’s more like a battery that drains with use. And guess what? Batteries need to be recharged. Running out of ideas isn’t a sign you’re a fraud—it’s a sign you’re human. Even the greats had dry spells (Vincent van Gogh painted only about 900 masterpieces; what a slacker, right?).

Productivity equals success

Our society worships the grind. If you’re not constantly producing, you’re seen as lazy or unmotivated. Churning out work nonstop doesn’t guarantee quality-or fulfillment. It guarantees exhaustion. Creativity thrives on space, experimentation, and, yes, sometimes doing absolutely nothing. Success isn’t about how much you produce; it’s about creating something meaningful, even if it takes time.

Burnout means you’re weak

Feeling burnt out doesn’t mean you lack resilience or passion. It means you’ve been pushed (or pushed yourself) too far. Society likes to frame burnout as a personal failure, but it’s often the result of external pressures.

6. Case studies of famous creatives who Struggled with Burnout (because I know you like comparing yourselves to celebrities level of accomplishments)

- Sylvia Plath: The weight of perfectionism

Sylvia Plath was a literary genius, but her pursuit of perfection left her emotionally drained. Known for her meticulous writing process, she placed immense pressure on herself to produce work of extraordinary quality. The weight of expectations-both external and internal-fueled her creativity but also contributed to her burnout.

-Vincent van Gogh: Isolation and emotional strain

Van Gogh’s artistry was inseparable from his emotional vulnerability. Living in near poverty and estranged from much of society, he worked obsessively, creating over 2,000 artworks in a decade. His intense drive often led to physical and mental collapse, and his letters to his brother, Theo, reveal his feelings of inadequacy and despair.

- Virginia Woolf: The strain of genius

Virginia Woolf balanced brilliance with fragility. Her modernist works, like Mrs. Dalloway and To the Lighthouse, revolutionized storytelling, but the intense effort to break traditional literary molds took a toll. She struggled with depressive episodes exacerbated by creative pressure and societal constraints placed on women writers of her era.

These geniuses remind us that brilliance often comes at a cost when unbalanced by rest or self-care. They teach us the importance of acknowledging limits, seeking support ( for the love of God and everything good, please do), and that success isn’t about sacrificing yourself for art; it’s about sustaining a process that brings joy and meaning.

7. Burnout as a catalyst for growth: turning struggles into strength

Our beast (I wonder if there's a hot drawing of the burnout beast somewhere on the internet) strips everything down to the bare essentials. It asks uncomfortable but necessary questions:

“Why am I doing this?”

“What do I really want to create?”

“Am I living my life, or just existing for my work?”

And I know these questions can feel overwhelming, but they’re also the foundation for growth. Many creatives emerge from burnout with a clearer sense of purpose, focusing on what truly matters instead of chasing every expectation or opportunity.

It can also add depth to your work. The frustration, exhaustion, and rebuilding process give you stories to tell, emotions to convey, and empathy for others who struggle. In a way, burnout teaches you not only how to survive but how to thrive (slay...?).

Final thought:

So, yeah, burnout sucks. It's like that awful, ugly detox you didn't sign up for but apparently needed. But hey, if you're lucky enough to survive it, maybe you'll come out the other side a little more self-aware, with healthier boundaries, and maybe even a fresh perspective on what it means to create. Or, you know, you'll just figure out how to keep the chaos at bay long enough to finish that project you’ve been avoiding. Either way, just remember: it's totally fine to take a step back-because if you burn yourself out enough, you'll eventually be forced to. And, funnily enough, that's when you might just make your best stuff.

I've made this blog because I wanted to talk about censorship in political aspects and all that but I've never felt a heavier subject than it, I do not understand why I couldn't do it. I still can't find myself writing about it even though I've already planned the key points and all that baggage. Well anyway, I hope you enjoyed this "light-hearted" subject.

[zshiftsrealities]

INTRODUCING — zshiftsrealities

hi and welcome to my blog! I made this blog for the sole purpose of creating a safe space for myself to gather my thoughts, and put them into materialistic form to understand myself better, and how I view shifting/manifesting through my own lens, so those will be the topics of discussion in most of my posts. i'll be happy to know if any of my takes and views align with your own. and in the case that your ideas differ from mine, I totally understand. just please be respectful, and enjoy your stay!

personal info:

name : zimmal (you can just call me z, i'd prefer that)

age : 17 (turning 18 this sept)

pronouns : she/her

I'm not really sure about my personality type, but the last time I took a test it said INTJ so, that's that. I am south asian, and a Muslim. my views and ideas on shifting/manifestation that I share here will be based on my own religious views, and if that's uncomfortable for you, you can leave.

I am kind of awkward, and not good at making convos so bear with me, and please don't think that I don't wanna talk/am bored. I love talking to new people and making friends.

more about me:

my favorite colors are black and wine red. I also fancy all dark/muted shades of every color. I love watching the moon, walking around in nature, antique stores and buildings, modern and sleek architecture— everything. and omg rain. I LOVE rainy days.

I am an avid watcher of anime, kdramas, and honestly watch anything that piques my interest. I love watching anything related to highschool + summer and love how that chapter of life is depicted in media, and I wish to experience something like that atleast once. this is the reason i've started to prefer summers over winters aswell.

I don't have a favorite genre in particular, but I mostly prefer romance, action and "doomed love" trope over any other (though it makes me ball my eyes out. this is the reason i've been avoiding watching so many shows lol).

also, I love dreaming. any chance that I get, you would see me tucking myself into bed and preparing to go to sleep (though i'm afraid I might be slightly insomniac). I don't do it to escape reality (hopefully), but because I get to experience so many different lives each time my head hits the pillow. so yeah, shifting definitely found me for a reason, and I plan on being successful at it very soon.

shifting journey:

though I had been in the shifting community since late 2021, I left around early 2023. I only rejoined the community around october 2024. in the beginning, I had plenty of doubts regarding shifting, which was part of the reason I left. but now, doing my own research, and finding out what shifting is to me helped me alot, and I can proudly say that my doubts have pretty much vanished.

I have not shifted yet! however, I have had (as I believe) two mini shifts, and other small experiences that I have yet to share. currently, i'm more focused on shifting through lucid dreaming and working towards that. any progress that I make will be shared here!

as of now, I have two drs that i'm pretty much done scripting.

• mha dr (main dr)

• jjk dr

I might or might not introduce my drs here. I think it's probably just about being comfortable with putting out such info since shifting is personal to every individual, but in the instance that I do introduce them, I will be sure to link them here! just did, go check them out!

also, masterlist here!!

dni criteria:

do not interact if you're an anti-shifter (the rude ones), force your beliefs onto others, or disrespect other people's beliefs, or are a weird and hateful person in general. also if you're a katsuki hater, leave (I do not like you).

I am very infrequent with posting, and only post when I have an epiphany (lol), so yeah. I also am a neat freak and try my best to make my blog look pretty, so I hope you'll like what you see. and that's pretty much it. thank you for reading!

[galaxy-fleur]

question of the day:

u think Leon is the type of (girl)dad that suffers heavily from empty nest syndrome and if you do, how badly?

Oh, definitely. Again, I'll be writing this out with post-Death Island Leon in mind!

Alnost any parent finds it difficult to accept that their child is now a completely independent adult who can live their life on their own. Some parents find it more difficult than others. I do see Leon sorta falling into that category. It's not necessarily about the possessiveness or losing his role as a parent on his part, as I honestly think that he's the type of father that will be genuinely proud to see his kid thriving on their own. As long as he sees his child happy, he is also happy.

In Leon's case, it's more about the passage of time and his worries for his child's (in this case daughter's) safety. It'll probably hit him all at once: that his kid is actually and truly an adult now. It's one thing to have her turn 18 while still living under his roof, and it's completely another to personally help her pack up her belongings and then move in into a place of her own. Whether it's just a dorm room, or a full apartment. The reality hits him straight in the face right there, and it can be a bit of a pain to sort out.

Even though he is aware that this is not the end but rather the start of something new, it nevertheless stings to know that things will no longer be the same. He'll also get smacked in the face with realization of his own age, figuratively speaking. He wasn't feeling all that old while his daughter was still living with him, but when she's out on her own, and he's forced to look back on everything? Yeah. He'll have a good, long moment of juat sitting down in silence and reflecting on his life, feeling kind of old as hell now. Most likely holding a glass of whiskey (nothing over the top tho! He won't fall into his old habits like this!)

On the other hand, there's also the issue of him no longer being right there in case she gets in trouble. Now, I do think Leon sort of mellows out with his protective tendencies over the years if he gets to live out a simple, safe life with his family. However, they will never really disappear entirely. After all, it's just another way he shows his affection. Even though he occasionally goes too far. The idea of not being there when she might need him gnaws away at him more than anything else does. It scares him. What if she needs help with something? Like, what if her sink gets clogged, and he's out of touch? What if she gets in trouble with some shady people? Young people are notorious for being too naive for their own good, after all. What if she just has a bad day at school or at work, and he can't be there to cheer her up or be a shoulder to cry on? What if she get hurt?

It's easy for these types of 'what ifs' to spiral way out of control to the point of absurdity for someone like him. I'd say that's probably the biggest obstacle for him out of all of them.

Of course, there's also the newfound loneliness. The house seems that much more empty and quiet: no usual evidence of his kid being there now. Even the ones he used to find annoying. No music coming from her room, no plates left in the sink, and no soda cans taking up room in the refrigerator. It's like a piece of his home is missing, and that's hard. This feeling of loneliness comes and passes in waves. Stronger at times, weaker at others. He'll probably avoid her room for a week or two, though, when it's especially hard for him. In order to avoid being overly emotional. He has to actively fight back the impulse to dial his daughter up every few hours or so, not wanting to annoy her. And he does understand that she needs to carve out a path for herself.

It's just... hard.

Fortunately, all of this can be managed. I do feel like his partner will be a huge pillar of support for him in this challenging time as he adjusts to the new reality. It's not all negative. Now they have the entire house to themselves, at least. It serves as a strong incentive to focus on one another. Maybe plan some romantic dinners to bring back memories of the younger years. Or even renovate the yard. Keeping his mind off the absence of his kid is a good way to keep his spirits high without getting all down in the dumps over it.

There is also a newfound sense of understanding to be built between him and his daughter. Perhaps they share a few heart-to-heart talks about it all before their move. That way, they can both get ready for the day it does finally happen and help each other out in small but meaningful ways. Daily calls are a great way to ease Leon into all of this. Hearing his little girl talk about her days to him - whether it's her gushing over something exciting or ranting out her frustrations - is a wonderful way to remind him that just because she is not physically there anymore, their relationship remains as strong as it was.

In a way, it's a clumsy period of change for everyone involved. And that's something that can bring their family even closer together in the end. Also, you can absolutely bet on the fact that Leon will give out the biggest bear-hugs ever when his daughter comes over to visit. That's a must.

[quigonswife8]

Help: Leon x reader

Leon comes to you to fix up his hair.

[Creds to: bahnhofbratan on Pinterest for the photo]

As always thank ya’ll for the love on my stuff :)

----

[2 am]

A knocking at your front door wakes you from your slumber. At first, you chalk it up to your mind playing tricks on you. However when that same knock repeats you realise it's not a mind trick, and therefore decide to go and see.

"I'm coming!"

It's not until you get to the front door that you realise how bad of an idea this is. It's god knows how late in the morning, someone is knocking on the door in the middle of the night and they still haven't said anything. This is a perfect example of "person falls victim to stupidity." and, with that, you don't open the door.

Instead you reach for a weapon. Breathing a little heavy but maintaining your composure, you begin to back away....

"(y/n) please open the door I...I need you."

Leon?

"Leon? Is that you?"

"Yeah it's me...", he replies, though he sounds shy, embarrassed? "...I know it's really late, but I...fucked up and I need help." you don’t grab the weapon, and instead you open the door, now scared that he's hurt or something which thankfully isn't the case.

Instead he stands there wearing a hoodie and when you begin to open your mouth to ask, he pulls it off.

His hair...it's been...cut, except in such an uneven and crooked way. Leon looks, again, embarrassed, and that's probably why he hid his head with the hoodie on the way. You find his hair perfect though, despite how it looks, though that can't be said about Leon.

"I tried to cut my hair, but I...got distracted and it ended up like this."

He steps forward, though seems hesitant, and the poor guy Leon looks at you desperate.

"Look I know it was a stupid reason to come over this late, I just..."

"No." You reply, stepping out to meet him. "it's not stupid at all Leon. Like I said you can come to me about anything, and I mean anything. I care for you a lot, you're my best friend Leon, but I don't just care for you 'cause you're my best friend."

Leon stands there...and his eyes soften a little. He gives a small nod and looks at you, thankful.

"Now come in, i'll fix up your hair for you."

Leon walks in once you move aside, and you close and lock the door once more. He looks around the house, memories of being there many a time filling his mind, which only makes him smile.

Noting the smile on his face as you pass, you gesture the agent to take a seat on a chair, before leaving to grab some hair stuff. Sure you're tired but you wanna be here for Leon and if that means spending all night awake with him, then that's what will happen.

Searching through the different stuff you soon return, and Leon smiles seeing you. God his smile, it always seems to make things better.

"So you just want me to fix it up for you, that's all...?"

"Yeah- yes please (n/n)."

"Got it."

You then come up behind him and you wrap a towel around his shoulders. Leon sits completely still and lets you do your thing, though feeling the closeness makes him feel all warm inside.

The two of you have known eachother for years and he would be lying if he said he didn't have feelings for you. He hasn't revealed these feelings though not wanting to mess up the relationship the two of you have, but mainly to keep you out of danger.

If anyone found out he loved you, you would be hurt, and if hiding these feelings covers that, he's fine with that.

Leon is snapped back to reality when he feels your fingers through his hair, the way you're so gentle to not cut him or hurt him in anyway. His eyes close and he gets more comfortable, letting you fix up his hair- that warm feeling inside wrapping around him like a blanket.

---

"Done.", a big proud smile on your lips, and you put your tools away and look at Leon. "...ready to see?"

Leon gives a nod, excited to see you fix up his "mistake.". Unable to hide your smile, you count down from three and show him his fixed up hair with a hand-held mirror.

He focuses on his reflection...you wait to see his reaction...Leon turns around to look at you...and the cutest softest smile appears.

"It's perfect! you did amazing, thank you. Now I won't look like my hair got caught in a mower."

"You're welcome Leon..." you place the mirror down and smile. "...i'm glad I could help...oh!" You glance at the clock. "I know this is sudden but I can't let you go home at this time- you walked here, right? Well i'm not letting you walk home. You can take my bed, i'll take the couch." And oh if he hadn't fallen in love with you already, this act of kindness proved it.

"I couldn't do that to you."

"I insist, really."

"But-"

"I insist."

He pauses...he looks wanting to "fight" you on this again, but realises how insistent you are, and gives in.

"Okay i'll take the bed." which makes you happy, and with a smile, you bring him to your room. Leon, who turns back to look at you, looks like he wants to say more than thank you, but holds his tongue like he always does.

"Thank you again (y/n), really."

With a nod, the way your eyes soften, you answer;

"You're welcome Leon..."

The two you stare at eachother for a few more moments, before you nod and turn, shutting the door to head down to the lounge. Leon's eyes remain on the door for a moment or so more, before he lays down on your bed and lets out a soft sigh.

You on the other hand take the couch and lay down, looking up at the ceiling, thinking of Leon.

While Leon sleeps in your bed, and you sleep on the couch, neither of you can fall asleep straightaway. All you can think about is one-another, though, neither would ever admit that.

Which is the way it has to be.

————

[yorutsuki]

「 ✦ Isekaied Reversed Pt. 5 ✦ 」

↳ Your nutritions had slowly decreased overtime, thus you needed to head out for a grocery trip! Surprisingly, you ran into a cat and, unfortunately, as well as trouble.

Tags:

──────⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──────

It's been approximately 46 days since Xiao made his arrival out of nowhere.

Over the course of the days—weeks, the two of you slowly bonded as time flowed, albeit it was rough the first few weeks, your relationship with him gradually blossomed.

Comparing since a few weeks ago, you've gotten to the point where he could be comfortable enough around you to let his guard down for a while—even better that he didn't draw out his spear with every corner he turned.

In all, you guys were mutuals at best—which was quite progress in your book.

.

"You have to be shitting me."

Xiao's eyes glanced over to you, his brow raised.

You sighed, closing the fridge. "We're out ingredients."

You walked over towards your bag, picking up your wallet which thankfully had money—around a rough $50. Unfortunately, that would mean you'd have to save up once again.

Xiao took notice if your downed mood, before squinting his eyes, trying to get a glimpse of the problem.

You felt a feeling of eyes watching you. Looking over towards the origin of the feeling, you saw Xiao looking towards you, well, the wallet. Seeing he got caught, he quickly averted his gaze like nothing happened.

You eternally chuckled at his shy actions, before your midn reminded you of your problem.

"Well, Xiao. Looks like we're running out of stuff." You huffed with a grimace before starting to put on your shoes. "I'll be back in uhh..20-30 minutes tops."

Xiao looked towards you before giving a slight nod.

Making your ways to the door, you grabbed your keys, phone, earbuds and wallet before turning the doorknob though swiftly turned around, "right! Do you need anything while i'm out?" You asked the yaksha who shook his head. "Don't spend your money on me, or unnecessary things in general." He sighed. You frowned.

You couldn't tell if that was worded weird or if he really did see himself as unnecessary. Nonetheless, you pushed those thoughts away before giving him a thumbs up but closing the door behind you.

You thought for a minute, looking between your wallet and the door.

'am I listening to that? Hell nah.' You grinned before heading towards your apartment elevator.

.....

Making your way down to Safeway, you yelped and tensed up as you felt something furry brush against your leg.

Quickly looking down, your muscles relaxed when finding out it was only a cat and quite a cute one too.

It was a Edgyptian Mau. It's fur was black with some gray and white spots around it's body. Though it's eyes were the most captivating—they looked like a vibrant sunset.

You were quite surprised that an Egyptian Mau was around this area but decided not to look to deep into it. It was probably someone's pet who ran off and ended up in this dump. Though, that wouldn't stop you from giving it a little pet.

"Aren't you a cutie~" You smiled with awe, kneeling down towards the cat to which the animal slightly staggered back. It calmed down though as you put your hand in front of you, letting it sniff it before melting into your hand as you lightly scratched it's jaw.

"Man, I wish I could take you home.." You whined lightly before sighing as you stood up, the cat letting out a needy call, looking up towards you for more scratches.

"Sorry buddy, I gotta get some things from the market." You cried internally as you looked down at the furry creature. Your heart breaking at seeing it's sad face.

Persevering, you looked away, a single tear falling down as you began to walk away, trying your best to ignore the meows of need.

....

"Tofu...tofu.." You mumbled, trying to recall what isle the food was. Unfortunately, while lost in your train of thought, you felt someone harshly bump into you, causing you to snap back to reality.

The person merely grunted with a harsh, 'watch where your standing' which received just as harsh of a glare from your end.

"Idiot." You muttered before going back to your task.

...

Finally after you payed, you left the store, two bags of groceries-one in each hand.

As you exited the store, you subconsciously scanned the 'lot for the black splotched cat.

Your slightly frowned upon not seeing it anywhere. 'Probably ran back to it's owner.' you shook your head, continuing your way home.

As you walked along the street, you heard small paws running a bit behind you along with desperate calls.

Turning around, you saw the cat once more, only it looked rougher—like it had just came out from a low-grade shelter.

You dropped your bags as it clawed onto your legs, meowing. You slightly hissed at the stinging sensation from the new marks as you picked it up—it trying to hide up onto your shoulder.

"Poor baby, what happene-" Your words were cut short when you suddenly heard shouting. "Give the damn cat back!"

Looking ahead, you saw the same man from the store, holding a...bat?

You had a feeling where this was going so, picking up your bags quickly, you made a run for it as the shouting behind you grew louder.

'fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck!' You screamed mentally, your legs and arms growing tired with each push but you didn't dare stop. That man seemed restless and merciless, plus, he was right behind your trail.

Unfortunately, you were hit in the shoulder by something hard. Your body giving up as you hit the hard concrete with a thud- the cat standing by you with it's hairs sticking up as it hissed with aggression and fear.

You saw the man try reaching for the cat, though you intervened, by grabbing his hand and biting as hard as you could. The man grunted loudly as you heard a crack and suddenly tasted metal in your mouth.

You grimaced at the metalic taste and gagged a bit.

"You bitch!" He shouted at you before kicking you in the ribs, in return you let out a winded yelp.

As the man saw your stunned state, he went for the black Mau, grabbing it by the back of the neck. Though fortunately, the cat retaliated by scratching the man's hand though led it to be thrown harshly aside. "Fuckin' creature, i'll deal with your shit later." He hissed before turning to you.

You tried getting up only to be hit back down with the same back that knocked you in the first place. "Thats!-" He hit your shoulder, "-for stealing what's mine!" He shouted before he went to strike you at your head, though thankfully you blocked it in time with your arms—feeling a pounding sensation within them.

Suddenly, you looked to the side, finding a very convienent brick. As the manw as distracted, you picked it up and rammed it into the side of the man's ankle.

He shouted curses of pain, giving you a brief break. Unfortunately, it didn't last long before he shouted, going for your head as well as taking a few breaks to kick you around.

Your eyes were teary, feeling bruises forming already. You felt weak and heavy-your body betraying your mind as you screamed it to get up—to do something than lie on the floor helplessly.

"Y'know this wouldn't happened if you just handed us the damn critter. The only person ya' can call for now, tis' God." He snicked, enjoying the sight in front of him.

But something clicked in your brain, and hopefully it worked.

"Xiao!"

The man watched in amusement as you called out a name. "Saying your final goodbyes?" He laughed huskly, but you only gave a grin, "Not quite." You smiled weakly. He stared confused at you but grinned, looking down at your pathetic form.

Suddenly, his view of you was blocked by something, well someone.

Looking up, he was met by a familiar yaksha, his spear centimeters away from his head. He only grinned with amusement once more. "What is this? Some type of costume party?" He laughed though it came to a brief halt and replaced with a winding grunt as he was kicked backwards a few feet on the street.

The man shouted slurs and insults towards the masked yaksha who only replied with silence.

The man's anger grew with each second as he stood from the ground, bat in hands before trying to strike the boy. Unfortunately for him, he was no match for a yaksha. All his strikes were dodged and returned with precision, sharp, powerful and agile blows from the back of the boy's polearm.

Ultimately, near in the end, the man ended on his rear, looking at the immortal in fear before he scurried to get away, embarrassingly. "Keep the damn cat then!"

The yaksha glared at the retreating figure before turning towards you, his mask disappearing onto his belt.

As he helped you get to your feet and wrapped your arm around his neck for support. You saw a glint of concern in his eyes, making your lips curl into a small smile. "Thanks for that back there." You grinned but faltered as you grunted, making Xiao's concern grow.

"Is anything broken?" He asked, his voice stern as ever.

You shook your head, "I don't believe so, just a few-" you were cut with a wave of pain electrocuting you. "-I take that back, a lot of bruising." You chuckled as the adeptus sighed.

Your brows furrowed in worry, glancing back to the animal on the ground. Xiao's gaze followed yours as his expression hardened.

He sighed, knowing where this was going.

.....

Over the course of a few days, you recovered quickly though on the second day, your whole body ached and you ultimately stayed in bed for 24 hours.

As for the cat, he recovered quite quickly as well—almost too quick. It was like a miracle with everything his body took. Though during the few days of resting and even after, it appeared that the cat took a major liking to the adeptus.

As the adeptus would bring you water or check up on you every once in a while, (though albeit when your not noticing cause he's like that 💀), the cat would be at his side, looking towards you then up to him in worry.

Sometimes he'd be laying next to you but ultimately stayed with Xiao most of thetime.

By day 4, you felt as good as new—a few bruises left but they were like small pebbles in the road.

....

You huffed in defeat as the cat curled up to Xiao's lap.

'wasn't I the one who risked my life for you?' You groaned in annoyance, but it quickly disappeared when seeing the calm expression Xiao carried. If you looked closely, you could see a very faint smile.

You smiled at the sight. "So...what do you think we should name him?"

Xiao snapped from his small trance, "why do we need to keep him?" He asked. Your brows furrowed, "I don't want him to be abandoned. I don't think he has a owner and..I don't want that guy to come after him again." You spoke softly, before smiling, "Plus, I think he really likes you."

Xiao's brows furrowed before he sighed, mumbling something.

You looked up to him, cocking a brow—curious to what he said. "What was that?"

"Qíji. His name." He muttered, looking away towards the ground.

You looked at the yaksha in slight surprise before mumbling the name. "Qíji.." You smiled before looking at the peacefully sleeping fur boy, "well then, welcome home Qíji."

Well look at that, looks like you did get Xiao something after all.

.

.

.

A/N: THAT WAS A LONG WRITE-, I tried making it as least as cliché as I could 😭. But yep, here's part 4, by what part do you guys think Xiao and Reader will end up together??? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Also, feel free to write comments! I love reading them and they keep me motivated! :D

[tenebraevesper]

Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Prime, Character Analysis - Part 8)

Welcome to Part 8 of what started as Shadow's character analysis, but also turned into analysis of Sonic in relation to Shadow, as well as me just gushing over the Sonadow ship coz I find it cute.

This post covers the finale of Sonic Prime, Episode 23: From the Top, but this won't be my last post, because I decided to make one more, featuring something of a Final Conclusion to Shadow's story in Sonic Prime.

Well, either that, or I'll just write a bunch of headcanons in regards to what happens after the finale.

So, let's dive in!

Starting from the last episode, the only thing that remained of The Grim is Nine's citadel, with Sonic still fighting Nine, only to finally realize what Nine had truly wanted, understanding his desires. He tries to talk things out with Nine, when suddenly, the cavalry arrives.

''It's over Nine!''

I mean, they didn't really have anywhere else to go besides into the citadel even if they weren't here to beat up Nine for what he had done.

''Get back! Don't make me destroy you all!'' ''Is that what you want? More destruction? Look outside!'' *Nine looks at The Void outside the citadel, devastated*

'I'm sorry for everything Nine. I missed my home so much and was so focused on getting it back that I didn't listen to what you wanted or appreciate what you were trying to do. I never meant to hurt you.''

Just like Shadow, Sonic too has completed his own character growth, admitting and apologizing for hurting Nine. He has learned a lot about communication and how refusing to listening to other people can have devastating consequences.

''Stop! Everyone stop! This isn't the solution!''

Sonic goes so far to protect Nine from his own allies, showing a great deal of maturity. He knows when he has to stop the battle, being the voice of reason by pointing out how they have no time left and there will be nothing to fight over. All he wants is for this to stop.

Nine also understands how bad the situation was, apologizing for what he had done and noting how, without a great sacrifice, reality as they know it will be over. As everyone mourns their loss, we see this little exchange.

''Not yet!''

While I'm not certain whether Sonic saw Shadow's little nod, I know that he is aware that there is one more thing he can do. He has the remaining Prism energy, and he is willing to sacrifice his own life to stabilize the Paradox Prism and fix reality.

''You'd do that? After everything I-'' ''What are friends for?''

Sonic assures Nine that it's fine, and what I love about this moment is how he looks over to Shadow, once again seeking assurance. This will be dangerous for him, and he needs support. One could even interpret this as ''If I'm gone, take care of everything'', with Shadow affirming that he will.

Sonic then begs everyone to leave Nine alone, while also telling Nine not to cause trouble anymore. Rebel agrees with this, knowing they have no other choice. Now, they have to trust Nine. However, if he removes the energy, Sonic might fall apart.

''What about Shadow?'' ''Shadow wasn't there for the shatter event. He blipped into this reality. But I shattered the Prism.'' ''And without the Prism energy binding him...''

Gotta love how Rebel is willing to throw Shadow under the bus. Admittedly, she probably was wondering whether he too had the same Prism energy, at least until Sonic explains it that, no, he doesn't. He then admits to shattering the Prism, taking responsibility for his actions.

I'm certain that in this moment, Shadow was quite proud of Sonic.

Nine then starts the extraction, and it's obviously quite painful for Sonic. Once it's complete, he faints, seemingly dead.

Look at Shadow's expression here. This is the look of someone whose heart has just been shattered in a million pieces. He just watched Sonic sacrifice himself to fix reality, not even knowing whether he will survive, and he couldn't do anything. Shadow genuinely cares about Sonic, reaching out for him, but when there's seemingly no response, his ears droop and he looks crushed.

Shadow knows that Sonic has been in many rough situations, but now, he doesn't even know whether he is alive or dead. Hell, maybe he was also dealing with flashbacks of another loss he had suffered. Who knows? But, it is certain that at this point, he cares so much about Sonic and he doesn't want to lose him.

Fortunately, Sonic is still alive, but only barely. The only thing that kept him like this was the Paradox Prism energy, but now that he's gone, he became similar to his friends at Ghost Hill. To make things worse, he is also fading, meaning he doesn't have much time left.

Unfortunately for everyone, the Chaos Council, being Eggman's Shatterverse Variants, decide to betray everyone.

''Stand down, edgelord!''

Of course they had to throw in at least one edgelord insult for Shadow.

Fortunately for everyone involved, all of the Chaos Council members have egos the size of a skyscraper, so they quickly get into a fight with each other.

''Hold on, Shadow. Let's see how this plays out.''

Shadow wants to throw down hands with the Chaos Council, but is stopped by Rebel, who basically tells him to kick back, relax and get some popcorn while the Chaos Council members fight each other. And Shadow actually listens instead of going for the violent option.

With Nine opening the portal to The Void and the Mr. Dr. Eggman starting to blast everything, it is clear that they need to just end this pitiful situation.

''How about now?'' ''Knock yourself out.''

I just love how Shadow respects Rebel enough to ask her for permission to go beat up the Chaos Council. He was so itching for this fight and it had to be cathartic for him.

With the Chaos Council gone, Nine fixes the Shatterspaces, and the Paradox Prism vanishes.

Green Hill, Sonic and Shadow's home, is back, and now, they have to leave as fast as possible, because Sonic's time is running out. After saying their goodbyes...

....and hugging Nine for good measure, Sonic leaves with Thorn and Birdie, who want to bring him home.

We then get this moment.

''Oh! I suppose you need a ride too!''

They frigging forgot about Shadow! *laughs her ass off*

I just love how Shadow just responds with a ''hmph'', reverting back to his usual closed-off self. Sure, he can show emotions around Sonic, but everyone else doesn't get to see the softer side of him.

That, and he probably didn't want to ask for help to return home.

Admittedly, it is good that Black Rose and Rusty Rose got the ship to get Shadow to Sonic and Thorn, since Birdie got injured from the crystals.

At this point, Shadow knows that they have not much left, as Sonic is barely holding on and Black Rose's ship can't get any faster.

''Black Rose! You've brought us far enough. I'll take it from here!''

Shadow is the only one fast enough to bring Sonic to the safety of Green Hill, finally getting to do his part in saving Sonic's life.

''Goodbye, Roses...''

I'm not crying, somebody's cutting onions!

When Sonic goes down, Shadow has no other choice but to carry him bridal-style, now speeding through The Void as fast as he can. He is determined to save him, and I'm certain that he feels that creeping sense of panic, his heart beating faster as he realizes that he only has seconds left.

''I never knew you were a hugger.'' ''Do you want me to save you or not?''

God, this scene would be so adorable if it weren't for the fact that Sonic is dying. Like seriously, I was in a state between ''Oh, no!'' and ''Just kiss already!''

It is just like Sonic to get one last quip in, even on death's door, and it's to basically banter/flirt with Shadow. Shadow responds, probably relieved to see that there is still a bit of life in Sonic left, and we can see Sonic smile for a brief moment at his response, before fainting, his arm falling down, now limp.

Shadow has a look of terror on his expression, realizing that he's losing Sonic and quickly speeds up.

''HANG ON, SONIC!''

Shadow creates at least four sonic booms with the speed he had managed to achieve, flying through The Void and towards Green Hill, tightening his grip around Sonic. He is not going to let him go, shouting for him to hang on.

Then, he enters the gateway to Green Hill, and we see only white.

Fortunately, they make it through, with Sonic finding himself just in the moment before he shattered the Paradox Prism, elated to see that everything had gone back to normal, and even hugging Dr. Eggman because, yes, he missed him too.

He also shows off what he had learned, sticking close to his friends as they fight Eggman, only to spot someone familiar at the entrance to the cave.

It's Shadow, and he's gotten back the Chaos Emerald he lost to The Void. I suppose this confirms that time has indeed been reset.

We also know that Sonic and Shadow have retained their memories of the Shatterverse, both communicating with just a look about their plan to protect the Paradox Prism.

''This world is mine!'' *Shadow Chaos Controls on top of the Paradox Prism* ''Huh? Shadow? What the heck are you doing here?!''

''I am the Ultimate Lifeform. I go wherever I want.'' ''Wh-huh?'' ''CHAOS CONTROL!''

And that's how Eggman's plan got foiled. Sonic mocks him, he curses the day and leaves, and Sonic's friends probably wonder what the hell had happened.

Gotta say, if Shadow and Sonic had communicated about this back in Episode 01, none of the Shatterverse Adventure would've happened... I guess.

Sonic decides to relax on the beach with his friends, only to deal with a new threat (probably Dr. Eggman coming back with a new scheme) and the adventure continues, while the viewers are left with many unanswered questions, like what did Shadow do with the Paradox Prism and moreover, does the Shatteverse still exist, because what happens here resembles a lot the events of Sonic the Hedgehog (2006), where the time has been reset.

Also, I wish that Shadow had been in this group shot, because he really deserved to be added as a member of Sonic's team. Or at least we could've gotten one more moment between him and Sonic where they reflect on their adventure.

Rest assured, this adventure was great and watching Shadow and Sonic both grow as characters, and show a new level of appreciation, care, understanding and respect for each other was amazing.

Not to mention all the Sonadow moments sprinkled in-between that left the shipping community quite satisfied, giving us enough fuel until the inevitable when we finally get to Sonic Movie 3.

Tune in next time for my Final Conclusion!

#Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Prime, Character Analysis - Part 7)

#Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Prime, Character Analysis - Final Conclusion)

#Sonic the Hedgehog Analyzer (Masterlist)

[vibingncrying]

Listen,

fem!Reader gets transmigrated into TCF/LCF but as the White Star!!

- WS is still a guy, it would be just funny for reader's only solace being she doesn't need to worry about periods anymore xd

- figures out it's tcf timeline and the reaction to that is 'Ayyy, the world is saved!' and 'Oh damn, I'm cooked!!'

- gets there after the first appearance of WS in story. Important because really can't back out after that...

- soul is different so reader can actually taste stuff but pretends not to be able

- she still can't sleep right because of anxiety about everything happening xd

- reader is ofc trying to help Cale and his group out but can't really do much, if she betrays arm, they'll kill her, if she goes to Cale's group, they'll torture then probably kill her xdd

- reader's masterplan is to act like a cartoon villain and fall for Cale's schemes, making up some random evil monologues on the spot and ultimately die by the hand of their favorite protagonist

- there's also the option of coming clean when WS is trapped with Cale in that dirt domain but let's be real, how likely would Cale be to actually believe anything said randomly at that point xd

- reader keeps in mind the main plot points, otherwise is mostly going along with things, trying to make as many people survive as possible (can't immediately stop every evil machinations, reader would get jumped lmao)

- reader tries to keep tabs on where Cale and other people are in the story, since some things are bound to change a bit compared to canon, reader runs around trying to keep it close enough still

- battling what is morally correct as the story she once read turns into her reality

- reader tries to make sure all the 'bad guys' are in some way connected to arm so Cale's group can find them more easily

- at Lord Sheritt's place, WS (reader) indeed doesn't know where Cale and the others would show up from because she's never been to the place before xd

- also, gives Naru the tightest hug and sends him and his group the best snacks so they can enjoy the very minimal slacker life activities

- reader would HATE being called 'Cale Barrow' so they always stop Sayeru and whoever has the audacity to call them that (very in character too)

Every time we as readers would have looked at the WS like 'what's this pathetic guy doing' it's just reader flopping intentionally xd

Yeah, hope you like the idea, I'll make one for tboah timeline too probably

I might write it one day, might not, we'll see~

(˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)