#Im not sure what else needed for ingredient part ok

[kairukitsuneo]

How to create your own Transformers OC: Step 1: You screw up.

[fallingfor-fics]

Teachers Pet- chapter 6: potions

All chapters

chapter 5

She continued to show me to all my classes, "Ok so I have Advanced Charms first period, Herbology second, Advanced Transfiguration third, lunch, Defense against the dark arts fourth, then potions last, which is followed by a free period and then dinner. Ok sounds simple enough, except I absolutely SUCK at potions."  "Oh you can't be that bad" Hermione laughed. "Oh no you don't understand the only reason I got through it last year was by cheating, magic, and more cheating. I barely retained any of the information '' I said a hint of worry in my voice. "Oh well I can help when you need it, but good luck especially with Snape as the Professor."

 "Oh fuck I didnt even think about that. He's gonna be a living hell isn't he?" She gave a simple nod and took me to the dungeons to show me Snape's classroom and the Slytherin common room. "Ok so in here is your common room and dormitory, but i'm not really allowed in there. And down here is Snape's classroom, which hopefully he is not in right now" she laughed as we peaked inside it. "Okay wow this is a very large school." I laughed. "Oh yeah but you get used to it pretty fast" "It's almost time for fourth period, sorry if you wanted to get lunch" I said giving an apologetic smile. "Oh no it's fine, and yup off to DADA you go!" I looked at her confused "DADA?" I said , trying to keep a smile in "Oh hah that's what we call Defense Against the Dark Arts." she said as we headed that way. "I have Herbology right now but I will see you at dinner and in Charms tomorrow!" "Ok sounds good thanks again for showing me around!" I said waving as we parted ways.

   I entered the DADA classroom and looked at the tables of students. I spotted a Empty seat next to a red head boy and a boy with round glasses and sat down next to them. "H-hello." the red haired boy stuttered, staring in awe at me. The boy with glasses elbowed him and he closed his mouth and sat up straight. "Hi." I responded, getting my books out. "Im Harry and this is Ron, you're the new girl right?" the boy with the glasses said.  "Yep that would be me" I said smiling. "Well welcome. I think you'll like this school." he said smiling "Well I hope so" I responded. "We are friends of Hermione's, she told us about Dumbledore having her show you around," he said softly. "Oh cool I take it you both are also Gryffindor's." I said , noticing their ties. "Boy you catch on fast heh" Ron added. Just then the door opened and in walked the teacher. I rolled my eyes forgetting it was Professor hand-kisser that taught this class. "Good Evening class! I hope you all came prepared and ready to learn from your magnificent Professor!" he said with a large smile on his face, some of the girls across from me giggled and he smirked, what a tool. "Now" he continued but paused when he caught my eye. "Oh we have the new student in our midst, how wonderful!" he said, smiling at me as some of the kids turned to look at me. What an ass.

   He went on to describe the lesson today, nothing exciting, once he finished he went and sat at his desk. "Ms. L/n can you come here for a moment" he said retaining eye contact with me as I walked up to his desk, I gave harry and Ron a concerned look and they just shrugged not knowing what he wanted either. "Yes?" I said when I approached his desk. "How are you enjoying Hogwarts so far?" he asked grinning at me. Really this is what he called me up for. I managed to halt the eye rolling and answer him politely. "Well this is the first class i've been to so I can't give you a clear answer." "Hmm well how do you like my class?" he said, smirking. "Well it's only been 15 minutes. But it's ok" I said, smirking awkwardly. "Ok well im sure that will change very soon and you'll love it" he said winking. I just stared at him with a blank face and nodded my head. What the fuck is his deal? hes such a creep. "How old did you say you were?" he asked with a casual tone. Ok what. The. fuck. What kind of question is that. "I'm 16 ill be 17 in February." I said awkwardly. "Ahh February the month of love haha!" he laughed, I just kept a straight face and waited for this to be over, to my rescue Harry came over "Professor Lockhart I had a question" he said looking at me and smiling softly, I mouthed a thank you and excused myself back to the table.

After what seemed like forever class was over and it was time for the class I was really dreading. Potions with Snape. As I was leaving DADA Lockhart stopped me again. "Y/n I wanted to say it's a great pleasure to have you in my class, you are very intelligent from what I hear." he said, smirking. I don't know how he heard that or who from since I'd only been here a day. "Thank you but I need to get to my next class." I said stepping towards the door to which he stepped in my way. Hermione told me to be early or on time to potions or else Snape would be furious. "One more thing" he said smiling "i want you to know if you ever get stuck or need help, not just in my class you can always come to me." He said, still smiling and looking in my eyes. This was getting weird but I didn't have time for it. I really needed to get to potions. "Ok I will keep that in mind thank you but I really need to hurry to potions with Professor Snape." I said pushing past him and hurrying off. I looked at my watch and picked up the pace, practically jogging down the stairs and to the dungeons, I bumped into a few students and mumbled quick apologies. Soon I heard the bell ring as I was nearing the class. "Shit" I said, hurrying to his room. I opened the door quietly, trying to catch my breath. I noticed Snape's back was turned and he was facing the chalkboard and I quietly walked to the nearest empty seat in the back. Hoping and praying he didn't notice. "Late on the first day are we Ms. L/n?" he said, still not turning around. Well fuck I thought to myself. "Im so sorry Professor Lockhart wa-" "Silence!" he yelled, turning around briskly his robes following suit. "I do not wish to hear your insignificant excuses." he said, staring at me. I was still out of breath and I was getting a little nervous being singled out. "Just for this I would like you to come sit in the front next to mister Malfoy." he spat. I didn't even notice Draco was in here but he turned and smiled at me. I grabbed my books and did a walk of shame up to the front, avoiding eye contact with the brooding Professor. I took my seat and sat quietly.

My heart was beating and I was getting more red by the minute I could feel it. I didn't usually get like this, usually I'm able to argue easily with teachers that are rude. But something about Snape made me very afraid to even test those waters. "Ms. L/n since you seem to be too good for my class that you think you can join whenever, why don't you come up to the board and finish this list of ingredients for the Befuddlement Draught." he said clearly annoyed and angry, which I had picked up as his normal tone. He held out the piece of chalk and waited patiently. I slowly got out of my seat and headed up to the board, shaking hands, taking the chalk from his and looking at what he already had there, which was nothing but three bullet points. I didn't know what was in this potion. I had no clue whatsoever. I began to internally panic and closed my eyes trying to think of what's in it. I remember making it once but I couldn't remember what was used. "Today, Ms. L/n." he said sarcastically. There was a type of grass. I thought for a moment and remembered. I went to write "scurvy grass" but when I pushed the chalk it broke in half. A few students snickered and I could see Snape give them looks to shut up. "Shit" I said quietly, but apparently not quiet enough. "Ms. L/n! Do you not know where you are?!" He said furiously. I continued to stare at the board. "Language like that will not be tolerated in my class!" he yelled. "I-Im so sorry Professor it won't happen again it just slip-" "Fifty points from Slytherin! If it happens again it will be triple. Now take your seat and keep your filthy mouth shut!" he yelled as I quickly scurried back to my seat. This man will be the death of me.

[societysonlooker]

Foods for when you're sick:

Anything salty: you have to make sure you're drinking plenty of fluids with this one, but salt helps your body retain water, and replaces the electrolytes you loose with sweat and using the bathroom. So, saltines, ham, pretzels, (maybe avoid chips cause of the oil content) pea soup, you get it

Juice: easy energy, light, most juice boxes are decently small, so you won't be chugging anything and upsetting your stomach

Green tea: But not too much! Green tea is full of antioxidants, which are great for you when you're sick! But!!! ALL tea is dehydrating, so make sure you drink water too (actually, this applies to juice too)

Water. Fluids fluiDs FLUIDS!!!!

Small, light fruits that are easy to chew. Plums (or... any stone fruit really), berries, maybe grapes depending on how much muscle pain your in, super ripe pears, the like.

Dried fruits and nuts. High in energy for small amounts. Lotta calories, no upset stomach.

Soups and stews. Better homemade. Canned is fine cause they still have to use broth lol. But!!! Easy chicken soup for when you're sick: box of chicken bone broth, Box of chicken broth, package of boneless chicken, salt, herbs+spices you like/have lying around, and whatever else you wanna put in it. Point is, its 3 ingredients and salt, and it'll last you all week. Dont leave the house, but if you have a friend who can get them for you, youre good.

Vegetables. Nothing fancy, just pop something in a pot of boiling water with some salt and let it boil or steam. Personally, i like overlooking them, its easier on the mouth. Your body's gonna thank you.

Dairy free milks. High in calories, easy on the mouth and throat.

Honey. I could write an essay on the pros and cons of honey but tl;dr its gonna make your throat feel better and local honeys cause REASONS (pollen allergy reasons) might help you feel better

What to avoid

Things with a lot of sugar. Fruits and juices are fine, but things like sugarry chocolates, sugar preserved fruits, overly sugary ice creams, sweets. Ect. Its gonna upset your stomach. Ok?

Large amounts of carbs. That piece if bread or two with your soup isn't gonna hurt you, but a takeout sized thing of spaghetti IS.

Take out (generally). Chinese food, pizza, Italian, fried chicken, burger King, and anything thats not a salad or chicken nuggets from McD or Wendy's. Takeout is REALLY greasy and bad for your stomach on a good day. Don't test fate.

Anything greasy you make at home, too, with the exception of soups and stews. Just, avoid excess oil. (Yes there are some cultures that ENCOURAGE excess oil during illness and thats fine cause it works for them cause their bodies are already used to that kind of thing. Im not qualified to speak more on that, and a lot of tumblr is America and Europe so just... avoid lots oil)

Dairy free milks. High in calories, easy on the mouth and throat.

Milk. Most people are lactose intolerant to some degree and don't know it. Don't tempt fate.

Tips and Tricks

Hurts your throat to drink? Use a straw. Cardboard and metal work great for hot drinks (please don't put plastic in a hot drink. Paper isn't MUCH better but, still better), and the smaller amounts drank + the changed angle will help if its the upper part of your throat that hurts.

Juice boxes.

Eating lightly, but frequently.

Have someone who'll check in on you every couple of hours. Housemates in person, or a friend that'll call you. The last thing you want or need is to be running a 104 fever while no one knows and no way to get medical help.

If youre nit up for it, don't eat it. Wait a little longer, or find something else. Yiur body will tell you what it needs.

If you start craving something on the Dont Eat list, that's ok, youre body is craving something it knows it can get from that food. Eat a little, and see how you fair.

Staying under the blankets and staying warm is all fine and dandy, but if your fever starts spiking (you checked with a thermometer, your normal blanket isn't keeping you warm, you start getting violent chills) you need to cool down. It sucks. It sucks SO much cock. But too high of a temperatures is what kills (and breathing issues). Your body can't survive long at overly high temps, symptoms can gonna include chills, sweating while "freezing", inability to catch your breath, headache, extreme dizziness, and possibly hallucinations. Im not a doctor though, theseare all just things I experienced last time I had a 104⁰ fever.

Anyway, its the middle of a pandemic and I have the flu, of all things. It feels like I got hit by a truck omfg and I got this from my household!!! So uh, stay safe yall. Fuck viruses.

[nonasidesstuff]

the dimension travel au

aka Virgil’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week

so this is like half bullet fic half outline half word vomit but here it is!

this is based on a set of art drawn by @greenninjagal-blog that you can find here with the original version of this au

i dont mind if anyone wants to use any of these ideas just tag me/send me a link if you do!

this got SUPER LONG so its going under a cut

ok lets start with

virgil

his world is medieval-with-magic

the magic here tends to take on different elemental forms depending on the user

people who use magic are called witches

his is storm based (lightning, rain, wind, etc) and is good for both offense (shooting fucking LIGHTNING at someone is great in a fight) and gardening (the ability to call rain at will is pretty nice)

he can also make potions but in his world ANYONE with magic can make potions

the thing is,,,,, magic is illegal in the kingdom he lives in

so when he found out he had magic at like age 11 he fucked off in the middle of the night

he found another witch (a water witch) fairly soon after he left and they taught him how to control his powers and how to make potions

also how to hunt bc hed planned on living out of cities

5 years later hes 16 and has learned all he could and leaves to go to the woods in the middle of nowhere

his teacher had told him about a cottage they had built in a clearing in the woods and said he could go there bc they were leaving the kingdom

they left behind a lot of books on magic and he learned more reading those

the cottage was actually in pretty good shape? the roof was a little leaky but the furniture inside was fine

the outside was a nightmare though. overgrown plants all over

as the years went on he restored the area around the cottage and found a bunch of neat stuff

like a vegetable garden that had been overgrown and wild but still had healthy plants he could cultivate for food. there were also some spice plants that had gone out of control that he harvested and dried for later use

he found out the woods around his home were full of berries (wild strawberries and blackberries. shhhhhh idc if they dont grow in the same places this is a Magic World) and discovered that one of the trees in the clearing was actually an apple tree so yay fruit!!!!

so he was living the good life

cut to 3 years later

hes 19 now and a full-blown weather witch and potion maker

he has sectioned off his garden into 3 parts: spices, vegetables, and potions ingredients

unfortunately some ingredients just wont grow well in a garden and have to be harvested from the wild

virgil realizes hes running low on a couple of said ingredients and decides to make a run to the patches of potion herbs he knows of

he only gets halfway there

a swirling blue-and-yellow vortex opens up 20 feet in the air to the right of him and something falls out

something human shaped

holy shit its a PERSON

he rushes over to make sure this person is okay and.

they have reddish brown fox ears?????

and a reddish brown and grey tail????????

he pokes one of the ears and it twitches

holy shit theyre REAL????!!!!!!!!!

he gathers up this person and takes them home

he puts the strange person in his bed and tends to the minor injuries they obtained from falling 20 feet

this is when he realizes that this person is dressed,,,,,, very strangely

now, people in virgil’s world have some freedom in what they can wear. they can wear whatever the FUCK they want. virgil is partial to dresses and skirts himself

but what this person is wearing is different. the material was like nothing hed ever seen before and in a strange style

(it suits him. its really cute)

he slept for a little over 9 hours

(virgil slept on the floor)

and when he woke he was disoriented and woozy

so he ate a small meal and drank some water and fell back to sleep for another couple hours

when he wakes again, he feels much better and is able to introduce himself

“I’m Patton Baker! Where am I?”

patton

his world is like if you took every single magical girl/boy anime out there and mashed it into one world.

so its chaotic

theres aliens/demons/monsters attacking every other week

this attracts magical creatures like a magnet and they start giving magical girls/boys powers. these are called magical guardians

these people are public figures and are treated the same way idols are in our world (not allowed boyfriends/girlfriends etc)

its a tough job

patton became a magical boy when he was 14 and has been for the past 3 years

the powers his magical guardian are able to give are based off of endangered or threatened animals (yes im sort of copying tokyo mew mew shhhhhhhhhh)

patton became infused with the dna of the island fox

his transformation is triggered by a small tattoo-like marking given to him by his guardian. it’s on the base of his neck

he Absolutely has a magical girl transformation

when he’s transformed, he has the ears and tail of an island fox as well as claw-like nails. his hair is the reddish-brown of the fox and his eyes are silver

his outfit is light blue with silver and white accents and dark blue sleeves

when detransformed he has blond hair and blue eyes

his magical boy weapon is a bow that he can shoot arrows of light from

his group was based out of florida and has been going strong for about 15 years. magical teens come and go as they gain their powers and retire or, tragically, lose their lives fighting

at the moment there are six people including patton

their most recent foe is a monster that has the ability to make people and things disappear, and they’re not sure what happens to them

theyre fighting this thing at night when it happens. the creature has already taken the streetlights out and the teens are fighting in heavy darkness. patton, who has better night vision due to his fox genes, sees the monster about to grab the leader, and strongest, of their group

and he makes a choice

he pushes her out of the way and gets grabbed by the monster instead.

there’s a single moment of searing pain and then the world dissolves into swirling lights and dizziness

when he wakes he’s in a strange house. he introduces himself and the person who’s taking care of him introduces himself

he’s told he fell out of some sort of portal and virgil tries to help him figure out where he is in relation to his home but. virgil doesnt recognize any of the places patton is talking about. and patton doesnt recognize any of the ones virgil says

virgil asks patton about the fact that He Is Part Fox and patton talks about the magical system back home and thats when they realize theyre dealing with dimension travel

patton stays in bed for the rest of the day and by the next hes feeling much better! so he helps virgil around the house and they get to know each other

the day after that, virgil remembers that he really needs those herbs, so he tells pat hes going out for a bit to gather them

he gets about a quarter of the way there when Another Portal Opens and dumps out a person. this time right in front of him

this person is also wearing odd

clothing, but in a different style than pattons

he checks to make sure theyre not injured (they knocked their head a bit but other than that seem fine) and carries them back home

the person is unconscious in virgil’s bed for a couple of hours longer than patton was, but he wakes up entirely coherent

he introduces himself as “logan croft”

logan

his world is one full of magic

magical creatures of all sorts live there and magic is a welcome part of society

there’s elves, fairies, merfolk, unicorns, any you can think of

magical schools are also big parts of it

people who have mastered their magic to the highest degree are called mages

everyone else are called wizards

the way magic works in this world is with spells (think harry potter but without wands)

some people are born with more magic than others and as such have a harder time controlling it when it manifests at around 10

so theyre sent to magic schools where they learn how to safely do so

if they want to stay at these schools after they learn control then they move on to higher forms of magical education to continue learning

logan is one of these students

he was born with a MASSIVE amount of magic and when it manifested he. accidentally leveled his house

everyone was fine!!!!!!! but the poor boy had absolutely no control

so he stayed at a school for people with high amounts of magic and by the time he was 13 he had enough control to leave if he wanted to

of course this being logan he Absolutely wanted to keep learning so he moved on

he was so good actually that he ended up in the best magic academy in the world

he consistently learned magic at a faster rate than his peers and so by the time he was 18 (people normally didnt until they were like 21/22) he was a mage in all but name

so he was ready to take his mage exam

the mage exam is considered both easy and the hardest and most dangerous thing you could do

its easy in the fact that you only have to cast a spell correctly

its hard and dangerous bc its a spell that NO ONE outside of historians have ever seen before and you only have 10 minutes to memorize it. things go wrong Frequently

needless to say there arent many mages and people tend to either quit before reaching that stage or fail

and failure can be painful

so logan decides to take the mage exam

the spell they are given is a long string of words dug out of an ancient book of spells and historians arent entirely sure what it does

so ofc its given to the best in the academy

logan takes his ten minutes to memorize the spell and begins chanting

now in this world, when spells are used a runic circle made of light appears under the person casting

small spells have small circles and bigger spells have larger and brighter ones

the one this spell called forwards was massive and so bright that it blinded the exam practitioners (i think thats the word?)

when the light died down logan was gone

theyre unsure whether it went right or wrong but unfortunately theres no trace of where logan had gone so theres no way to see

when he wakes hes somewhere he doesnt recognize and is being taken care of by two people

they all introduce themselves and logan gets the story about what happened to him

and he realizes hes in a different dimension with different magical rules

naturally he wants to learn everything

so he and virgil have long discussions about the differences in their magic systems

(with patton chiming in every once in a while with how bonkers magical girl powers are)

after logan gets back on his feet virgil really REALLY needs those herbs and so he decides to go back out

logan tags along this time bc he wants to see the differences between the flora and fauna of this new world

they get about half way there and once again.

a portal opens

its light blue and yellow

virgil goes “jesus christ AGAIN??????? am i a MAGNET for these things??????????”

and a person falls out

theyre another animal person. this time with scales covering the side of their face and down their arms

virgil and logan carry this whole other person back home and as soon as they walk in

patton is like “janus????!!!!!”

janus

turns out

janus is from pat’s world!!!! and the same mg group!!!!!

he became a magical boy about a year before pat did and was merged with the dna of a golden lancehead viper

so hes been a mg for like 4 years

his outfit is white with yellow bows and a black cape thing with a yellow inside. his scales are bright yellow and his eyes are heterochromatic. one is a normal eye (brown) and the other is a bright gold color with a snake-like pupil

his marking is on the inside of his left wrist

his weapon is a set of knives made of light that he can call at will and either slash with or throw

he and patton got along rather well in the current time

in the past, they,,,, didnt

it wasnt violent but they were kinda snippy at each other and janus was aggressively sarcastic which pat Did Not Appreciate

but after working together for a few years they got to know each other better and saw each other through low points in their lives and became close

janus was still a sarcastic little shit but now its more playful

he likes to suggest “pushing it down a flight of stairs” for any problem

“man i have a big math test tomorrow with a mean teacher that i didnt study for im screwed”

“push it down the stairs”

“the teacher or the test?”

“yes”

he will also aggressively remind you that Self Care Is Good And Needed

(“patton youve been patrolling for hours every night this week. go sleep”

“but i-“

“go 👏 to 👏 sleep 👏”

“bu-“

“go sleep or im going to knock you unconscious and THEN youll sleep”

“ok fine”)

anyways the dimension monster came back and despite the whole group being more careful, it got janus

luckily (to every one else) this time they managed to defeat it

once again, the pain of dimensional travel fucking SUCKED and janus was unconscious for about as long as patton was

he woke and ate a small meal and fell back asleep for like an hour

when he woke up that time he was shocked and happy to see patton

they reunite and everyone gets to know each other over the next couple days

and then virgil remembers that he STILL HASNT GOTTEN HIS HERBS and they all decide to tag along when he leaves to get them

virgil just like sighs and said “nothing better happen this time i swear to god-“

and they make it most of the way there!!!!! virgil feels a little hope!!!!

then another portal opens

its red and green

(virgil: “GODDAMMIT”)

this time TWO people fall out

the group gather up the two portal people and take them home to heal bc

holy shit they are in bad condition

theyre unconscious for a solid 2 days

Roman and remus

their world is BAD yall

the world is very scientifically advanced, and a group if scientists decided that they wanted to prove the existence of alternate universes

and they did!

but they accidentally opened a portal to a hell dimension and they couldnt close it

so the whole world became an apocalyptic nightmare

this happened when the twins were 15

theyve been surviving on their own in an apocalyptic hellscape for just over 4 years now

remus is the close range fighter with a variety of Large Sharp Knives and roman hangs back and snipes the ones going in for remus’ blind spots with a modified rifle. or if he has to fight closer range he has a modified pistol

roman also is the one to carry their medical supplies bc remus did Once and never will again

they travel together bc even though they cant stand each other some days (remus makes gross comments a Lot and roman likes to complain about the lack of conditioner)

(roman once found an old bottle of perfume and dumped it on remus’ head. in retaliation, when they were relatively safe remus found a dead squirrel and chased roman around with it for a solid 15 minutes)

theyre still twins and theyre all each other have left

currently, roman and remus are running from a creature that caught them off guard while they were sleeping

it had managed to get a few good hits on them before they managed to fight back so they both have a couple injuries

roman has a long slice down his arm and remus has some real bad claw marks down his back

the two of them find a building they can hide in while they wait for the creature to move on and discover that its some sort of science lab

they decide to explore for a bit bc they have 0 braincells between the two of them

what they dont realize is that this is one of the labs that the scientists were using to build their dimensional machines

what they do realize is that the monster found them and it starts chasing them through the facility

the two of them are in really bad shape

malnourished after living on just what they can find for 4 years, both bleeding profusely from open wounds and various injuries from other run-ins with the creatures

they arent able to run as fast as they usually are able and so they get cornered in a room with a large machine

they back up to it to stay away as long as they can and

one of them presses a button

the machine behind them whirrs to life and the two are sucked into a portal oh so similar to the one that ruined the lives of everyone on their world

roman wakes first

he wasnt hurt as badly as remus so the portal didnt take as much out of him as remus

everyone introduces themselves and roman has the his first full meal in. a long time

(he might cry a lil bit but shhhhhhh)

and now that hes awake, virgil can give him a potion to help speed up his healing

thats when romans like “holy shit MAGIC?????”

bc there was none on his world

and they all talk and get to know each other

(the other four are Horrified at how awful his world was

bc like, patton and janus’ wasnt very good either but it wasnt an apocalypse

the next day virgil leaves logan in charge and FINALLY goes and gets his GODDAMN HERBS

nothing happens this time :)

and when he gets back remus is awake

hes fed and virgil gets him a potion too

the two heal and just kind of marvel at the fact theyre safe for the first time in years

also that theres GODDAMN MAGIC!!!!!!!!!!

they still can’t believe theres actual magic

the five dimension hoppers eventually meet thomas, virgil’s talking magic cat

(virgil: “he can think and talk like a human hes not my cat”

thomas: “im totally your cat stop denying it”)

he decided to wander around the forest for a while (he does this often) and only got back after all of the portal shit ended

he is the only cat with magic and says he ALSO fell out of a portal but it was a few years before he met virgil

i dont really know what happens after this

maybe they go try to figure out how to get home?

maybe they decide to stay and live in the woods for the rest of their lives

 maybe they decide “you know what? FUCK the government” and stage a coup to make magic legal

 whichever it is definitely has a lot of found family goodness

can you tell i started running out of steam like 3/4 of the way through

[vore-scientist]

Cookie Jar (M/f platonic safe/soft sfw vore)

A Tale of the Mystic Woods

Sophia see’s an opportunity to prank her half-giant wizard, by getting him to eat her. Also some Gardening! (sadly no actual cookies or jars feature in this story)

Princess Sophia and Yonah the Wizard are my OCs, they are both adults, and part of my Mystic Woods series. I commissioned art for this chapter! So that’s in there too!

Warnings: While this story is all about safe, soft, willing, silliness there are uhhhh some really strange references/discussion about fa.tal. None occurs. King Ben just is a bit... creepy and uncaring. 

----

“So, what’s the plan for today?”

The Princess Sophia asked as she and her half-giant wizard ate breakfast. Toast with a citrus marmalade and eggs scrambled with spinach, onions, and mushrooms. They always had eggs. Yonah was a really amazing cook, and eggs were his favorite food. Well. Second favorite food. Sophia had to admit, the wizard made the best eggs she’d ever had, and she grew up with royal cooks! Yonah took one more giant mouthful of his own portion of eggs, and a drink of water flavored with a few slices of magic melon, before answering. 

“Not much,” he took another bite. Clearly not in a hurry. “Was thinking we could garden this morning, then I’ve got some translations to complete. Maybe there will be time for a dusk patrol.”

No way. 

Sophia’s forkful of egg was frozen halfway to her mouth. 

There was no way he had forgotten. Right? Someone so smart organized and all. It wasn’t possible Not in her wildest dreams. 

“That’s it? Nothing else?” she risked jogging his memory just to be sure.

Yonah was looking at her funny, so she finished her bite of food to keep a straight face. 

“Nope. That’s it. Unless… Is there something you wanted to do?” He asked. 

She took such a big drink of water she nearly choked. 

“Ah- um.” 

“I could try to put together a lesson, but I didn't plan on one today. Im still waiting on a few potion ingredients, which should be here soon.” 

“The plan sounds good!” She said, her voice squeaking a bit. 

He’d definitely forgotten. And if Sophia was a good friend she would have told him. Thankfully Sophia wasn’t a good friend. She was a great friend. His Best Friend. And as the best friend to an evil giant wizard she got an evil idea. All she had to do was not raise suspicion. 

“Ok…” Yonah didn’t sound convinced. “Would you like me to clear your dishes?”

Sophia nodded and placed them delicately unto his palm, but finishing her water first. Then she zipped off, climbing down the ladder attached to the table, sprinting to the staircase, and leaping down the stairs to the bedroom. By the time Yonah caught up to her she was in her gardening outfit. Waiting for him, on top of his dresser, upon which was her magic wardrobe. 

“What’s the rush princess?” Yonah said with a smile as he took his time changing into a sturdy button up and overalls that matched Sophia’s. “I don’t have any plants that will get up and walk away if we don’t water them.”

He adjusted the shoulder straps on his overalls and held out a hand to Sophia. She scampered across his arm and dropped into his front pocket. 

“Ok then,” he said, smiling as he got out his sandals, gloves, and straw-wizard’s hat. 

“I’m just excited to garden!” Sophia said. 

“Glad to hear it,” he gently pat the pocket over his midsection to jostle the princess, and then with a finger ruffled her hair. Or tried, since it was in it’s pretty-permanently tight braid. He did nearly knock off her tiara but she held it in place. Then she held onto the lip of the pocket as Yonah went up the stairs, and she bounced happily. 

She had to hold on tighter when he leapt from the tower window. That was never not exhilarating  and so frightening she screeched like a banshee as, with an earth-shaking THUD, Yonah landed in the garden. 

“Out you come from there!” Yonah said cheerfully as he plucked Sophia out of the pocket and set her on the edge of a flower bed. 

Then from a side pocket he took out a pouch of power that he dipped a finger into. He dabbed a bit of the powder and recited a spell in giant. With a puff of grey smoke Yonah now stood 7.5ft. About a third his original height. 

There was a lot to do as it turned out. A lot of beds had weeds! Those damn seeds must just manifest out of thin air. The pair spent an entire hour weeding the flower beds. A few weeds happened to be spell ingredients, which Sophia Then wondered why they were considered weeds. 

Regardless she attacked them with extreme ferociousness, getting right to their roots. Which was good because the roots of this particular weed were what they wanted. They were placed in a bag to be dried out over a magical smoke that night. 

They didn’t take a break. Not really. When moving onto the Apple trees and other fruits the pair took random small breaks to sample the ripening bounty, but worked steadily to trim branches and check for sickness and fungus. 

Some fungus was of course wanted! Yonah had recently planted a patch of moaning bamboo that was bred to be vulnerable to infection by void fungus; used to make magical ink to enchant scrolls and book pages. It was a slow growing bamboo but it was finally large enough that if infected would produce a decent amount of magic ink, enough to make the investment in the bamboo worth the money. 

Sophia took a tuning fork and tapped the green-yellow rods. No void fungus to be found. But cuttings of the bamboo were taken. When the current batch caught the bug they would have healthy ones to replace them. Void Fungus was not kind to it’s hosts. Thankfully it wasn’t harmful to animals or people. 

She started to worry that, after all this work, Yonah would insist they have lunch, and she would have to tell him. 

And then she nearly ruined it by cheering when he suggested he get a little translating done before lunch. He was just feeling very motivated for some reason. She didn’t mind waiting a little to eat right?

“Don’t mind at all! In fact, you wanna eat me?” she couldn’t risk waiting any longer or it would be too late. She tried not to look at the clock. 

It wasn’t really a silence, since Yonah continued to gather supplies around the room, until he stopped listening to himself and processed Sophia’s words. Then he stood up, holding a bunch of scrolls, looking at her as if he may have imagined her talking at all.  

“You haven’t had lunch yet, so you must be hungry,” she added. /don’t push it too much he’ll get suspicious!/ “and watching you translate is boring.”

But then she heard his stomach growl and his cheeks grew red. “I- yeah!” he came over to the desk. His face was still a bit flushed but he was smiling as he leaned over, arms folded and he put his head eye level with Sophia. “A pre-lunch snack is exactly what I need!” 

He reached out a hand to poke her, which tickled. “And I couldn’t refuse my favorite snack.”

Without hesitation Sophia got out her vial of glass paste and applied a small dab to her forehead and recited the words. Yonah closed his eyes as there was an explosion of sparkling purple dust. He felt the heavy glass form of the princess sit on his arm. He stood back up, taking the princess with him, keeping her at his face. He opened his mouth in a wide smile that revealed large white fangs glittering with drool and anticipation. She took hold of his bottom teeth, hoisting herself inside. It was a tight fit, which always made her wonder how he managed to eat people larger than herself. And she was petit. 

Air wooshed by her as he took a deep breath and tipped his head back so that she slid to his throat. With perfect timing he swallowed. Once. Twice. Three times. 

The princess’s feet passed over his lips, and he kept swallowing. It hurt considerably. Stretching his throat and putting pressure on his windpipe, but it was worth it. With a strong gulp she was down past his airways and he could breathe again. He could already feel her hands in his stomach, soon joined by the rest of her. Filling him up so nicely, he smiled and sighed. 

“Mr HaEsh?”

It was like his blood turned to ice and then instantly into steam; the pressure threatening to make him explode.  

He remembered. 

Dare he open his eyes? He had to. It was too late now. 

Yonah HaEsh looked down at the magic mirror on his desk. But instead of his reflection framed by the fancy gold filigree, the King of the Mystic Woods looked back at him, arms crossed. It was like the entire damn forest was looking at him. And the forest didn’t exactly have feelings like normal people. 

/Had he seen?/

“Ah- Y-Your Majesty-” 

Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything. Because at that moment Sophia started laughing hysterically, with her whole body. Normally that would feel GREAT; now it was distracting at best, visible and audible to her father at worst. Her father who spoke over the stuttering giant. 

[art by @pythonpie​ @art_python on twitter]

“We had a meeting today, or did you forget?” The King’s expression. Well it wasn’t neutral but it wasn’t full of vengeful rage, which it surely would have if he had seen his daughter get swallowed whole. It still wasn’t happy. 

“No-I mean yes- I mean no, Your Majesty.”

“Then where, Mr. HaEsh, is my daughter?” The King’s emerald green eyes pulsed and narrowed, his face hardening like petrified wood. 

Yonah resisted putting a hand to his stomach to try and cover up Sophia’s movement, or get her to stop! Her laughter was penetrating his brain! But that would be too obvious. 

“The princess! She!” Yonah realized he had a bit of drool running down his chin, but he dare not wipe it away. “Is asleep.”

“In the afternoon?” asked The King, raising an eyebrow, “Surely she didn’t forget the meeting?”

Yonah gritted his teeth as Sophia screeched inside him. 

He hissed out “No sire, she did not.”

“Speak up Mr. HaEsh,” the King Ordered. 

“Ah- well, I don’t know, she was very tired after working so hard in the garden I thought she deserved a nap,” and he thought he deserved a freaking medal for coming up with that excuse and saying it as convincingly as possible with a princess thrashing in his belly. 

“I don’t appreciate her sleep schedule being dysregulated this way,” said The King, his voice rising enough to make Yonah’s skin crawl. 

It was so eerie, and so absolutely horrifying to see The King get mad in the mirror, while outside the trees rustled with the rhythm of Ben’s words, his breaths, his huffs, and his grunts. Yonah swore the vines around his tower were constricting, causing the stone to crack a bit. Could Ben collapse the tower just like that?

“I didn’t mean-” but once again The King spoke. 

“And,” the king pointed at him. Though it wasn’t exactly precise through the mirror it was clearly at his stoamch very full of struggling human, “Who was that you were eating?”

“Sire?” Yonah didn’t think he could really hide it. 

“Don’t play dumb with me, wizard,” The King spat, “When the mirrors resolved I saw feet disappearing down your massive throat. And they’re still alive by the look of-”

“A thief!” Yonah said a bit too quickly, “It was, is, a thief!”

Now he felt comfortable enough to rub at his stomach, “Tasty too, your majesty,” he smiled a big embarrassed grin, “In the excitement of the chase I forgot it was nearly time for our call.”

The King didn’t look convinced and Yonah felt his heart sink. 

“A thief? In the middle of the day?”

“Yes Sire! That happens, not common but not-” was he gesticulating too much? Was he gesticulating to little? Should he just stop using his hands?

“And that doesn’t sound like screaming, it sounds more like laughter.”

/Oh GODS he could hear it!/ Yonah’s heart lifted but only so it could start racing 

“Nope! Not laughter” Yonah poked his middle and Sophia obliged by screaming a little less happily, “It’s terror! Because I ate them! And I am very scary. Just like you hired me to be!”

“Very well, I suppose you should go wake Sophia,” The King examined his fingernails. Thanks to the mirror enhancing the King’s size, Yonah could see they were painted with black runes. What for? Yonah couldn’t think about that right now. 

“And the thief?”

The king looked up, “Oh right, the thief.” the king eye’d Yonah’s middle like one would a disappointing servant  “Are they not dead yet?” Sophia had stopped laughing so hard, guess Ben couldn’t hear it now. 

“N-No sire,” Yonah poked his middle again and was relieved when Sophia moved sharply and screamed at like she really was in danger. 

“Not in the mood for a free meal today?” Ben asked, completely serious. “Less money out of my pocket. It costs a lot to... feed you.” There was a weird tick in Ben’s right cheek. Like he had been about to mention the fact that Yonah gives adventurers gold when he lets them live, which was most of the time, and that money was technically King Ben’s, even if most of it was deducted from Yonah’s salary. 

“Not with you watching, my liege,” Yonah said, trying to sound like he cared as little for the thieves’ lives as Ben did. 

“It’s not as if I can see whatever horrorshow is going on in there,” he said. 

With Sophia being the one in there, that was the last thing Yonah wanted to think about.  

“Fine, spit them out.” 

Gods those gem-like eyes were so bright yet so hollow. Yonah wouldn’t be surprised if Ben COULD see though mere barriers like flesh, but also was thankful he couldn’t.

Yonah bowed, unable to enjoy Sophia being squished inside him.

“Where are you going?” Ben said as Yonah turned to the stairwell. 

“To- spit out the thief and wake-”

“You cannot do that here? I’ve seen it before”

He had. Once. When interrogating a prisoner of war, Ben supervised Yonah swallowing, threatening, and spitting up fairy. That had been a feat. Fairies were larger than humans. Even thinking about it briefly made his throat sore. 

Yonah’s face turned so red it was like a tomato. If he spat Sophia out that would be it. In the moment he could not fathom what Ben might do to him if Sophia slid out of his mouth. Could he somehow cast a disguise spell on her? No Ben would see the cast. 

Thankfully Ben heaved a huge sigh, “I don’t see why you’re so self-conscious, go ahead.” He waved him off and Yonah disappeared down the trap door. 

---

PERFECT TIMING! 

Sophia couldn’t see what had gone on outside, but as Yonah stiffened, everything around her going tense, the pulse around her accelerating and his quavering voice say “Your majesty,” she knew she had done it. 

While she had wanted to try and hear what her father was saying she could not help but burst into laughter as soon as she imagined the look on Yonah’s face. Probably guilty, smiling, bewilderment. Oh she wished she could see! But if she could have done that, this would be a very different prank. 

It wasn’t hard to guess her father’s words based on Yonah’s responses. 

Deciding to help her poor giant she switched from laughter to just yelling when Yonah poked at her and insisted the sound coming from his middle was terror. That should be pretty convincing, though it was hard to sound scared when riding the high of such a brilliant prank. 

Eventually she calmed down to hear her father. She loved her dad. She really did. But 30 years ruling two kingdoms; 30 years being joined magically to The Mystic Woods, a mind as far from human as one could get, he tended to be a bit heartless. Ben’s body, mind, and spirit were part of a vast ecosystem that had things living and dying in it every day. So why would random adventurers dying, even eaten by one of his employees, be of much concern to him? 

Still, she felt proud of Yonah for managing to get away to “wake her up” and “spit out the thief”. She did not resist when Yonah threw up into his bathroom sink. 

“That was ! A dirty trick!” 

He coughed out a bit more fluid and did not bother to aim away from Sophia. He didn’t speak again until he regained his breath. By then Sophia had washed and dried off, and returned to flesh of her own accord. She sat on the towel and looked at him with big innocent brown eyes. 

Ok not innocent, but definitely not guilty or regretful. He reached out to grab her but she grabbed him back, wrapping her arms around his fingers. He wriggled his fingers and she laughed, not at him, but with him. He did pull her to the edge of the counter and kissed her side. She tried to get away from his scratchy facial hair but failed. 

“How long were you planning that?” he asked, his chin in her lab. 

“Since this morning,” she said, shoving him away.  

He obliged but left one arm on the counter for her to climb across to his shoulder. She lay into his hair. The dark curls so fluffy and soft. 

“Couldn’t believe my luck. Something like our monthly meetings slipping through that big wizard brain of yours!” She scratched his head, making one side of his hair stick up funny. Then she sat down and he put on his hat. 

“Let’s not keep my father-” she paused. 

“The King-” Yonah smiled. 

She laughed “Let’s not keep him waiting.”

Ben had not moved a muscle as far as Yonah could tell, when he sat at his desk and tried to smile without conveying that he had in fact, not eaten a thief, but the king’s daughter. Sophia scrawled down from his shoulder and leapt onto the desk. 

“Hi dad!” she said. 

“Hello Sophia”

And no, it wasn’t really comforting to see kind emotions in the face of The Mystical Majesty, if anything it made him more eerie. He was capable of human feelings, or at least he remembered what they were enough to mimic them. 

It never really bothered Yonah before but. He barely noticed. Oh sure Ben unnerved him greatly. Yet he hadn’t registered just how detached The King was. 

Not until he had figured out that Sophia was already chosen as the next Mystic King. Would she slowly turn into an unfeeling vessel for the forest? Would he lose her? He was to train her, prepare her to be King. Maybe that meant she could avoid this fate. 

Shit Ben was asking him a question! 

Shit Sophia was answering for him!

“-unconscious when they came out. We put washed them off and put them in a box.”

Ben was back to his normal, detached irritation. But there was a flicker of amusement. Still not comforting. 

“You woke her before spitting the thief up?”

He had to nod; Sophia was in charge of the narrative now. 

“Cutting it a bit close weren’t we?”

/why did he care? Ben was just fine with letting this hypothetical thief die while they had a not-so-pleasant chat/

“No sir, fainted from fright. Happens all the time. They were kicking and screaming until-”

“I don’t actually want the details Mr HaEsh.” 

Yonah wasn’t so sure about that. King Ben seemed to have some morbid fascinations. Maybe when one’s mind is so expanded you need some really extreme diversions to peak your interest. 

With so much time wasted the talk was very brief. Ben was actually legitimately pleased with Sophia’s progress. In the last month she’d met with several insular communities in the woods. One in particular was hardly more than a rumor. The fact that she’d made contact was a significant achievement. Not that she knew why, but she was glad to go on about the new spell she’d learned, none the wiser about her growing connection to The Woods. 

Still, Yonah didn’t breathe easy until Ben’s face faded from the mirror. 

Sophia sighed and turned to look up at him. 

“Im going to get you back for this,” he said, “especially since you were this close” he held his thumb and pointer finger about an inch apart, “To Ben seeing you eaten. He saw you feet.”

“Ah!” She finally looked guilty, “Well- I couldn’t resist”

No. She wouldn’t be Sophia if she’d done anything else. He even suspected that his mirror had delayed establishing the link and made a mental note to be kinder to it. 

“-if you want to eat me again.”

Yonah scooped her up, cradling her in his arms. “You’ve certainly earned the honor of being my dessert tonight,” he cooed. “And I’d better get some belly rubs. But that doesn’t count as payback.”

“You’re going to eat me now too?”

He chuckled and shook his head, “No. We should have actual lunch; like we normally do after talking with your father-”

“The King!” she declared, standing up unsteady and pulling herself onto his shoulder. 

He laughed so hard she almost fell back into his arms.  

And they went downstairs. 

[FIN] if you liked PLEASE REBLOG!

REBLOGS HELP SPREAD MY WORK! I also love knowing that people read my stories! My askbox and DMs are OPEN!!! let me know!!! 

[Thanks for reading! please reblog! Or message me telling me what you think! I crave feedback! For more mystic woods go to vore-scientist.tumblr.com/tagged/mystic+woods+story or search ‘mystic woods story’

[hargroves-angel]

Cookies And Cream 🏹🍪

Chapter 4 ~ Devil’s Food Cake

A/N - Hope you like 😈, Contains sexual references and swearing.

// Chapter 5 - Ice cream // Cookies And Cream Masterlist //

Soft music played from Y/Ns house. She was baking again. Billy had noticed how she liked to hum along to the song, whilst placing some sort of ingredients into a bowl and turning it into a delicious treat. He smiled at the thought of her dainty fingers icing cupcakes, or cutting cookies into various shapes.

How she would bite her lip in concentration trying to make sure she got everything perfect. Billy couldn’t help himself day dream as he worked out, looking out the window, a small smile on his face.

El let out a small giggle as her and Max peaked from her room at Billy. “Shh!” Max hissed.

Billy head moved up to see the two girls heads looking at him.

“Maxine! You little shithead” billy shoved the his weights down and stomped to her door. She shoved El back into her room and told her to hold the door closed with her powers so Billy couldn’t get in.

The girls giggled as El held it closed, Billy banging on it.

“I swear to god Maxine if you fucking tell anyone I’m gonna!” He got distracted by seeing Y/N at her window sill, she placed a pie on it. Her eyes glancing up to meet Billy’s. He let out of forced smile and a wave, leaning against the door as if he was just casually standing there, his cheeks were bright red.

Max noticed his shouting stop, she’d planned this out exactly, “c’mon!” She giggled, pulling El with her to the window as they clambered out.

Y/Ns smile made Billy feel warm and fuzzy inside as she gave him a small wave and went back into the kitchen. Leaving him to go back to yelling at Max.

He pushed against the door and practically fell in as it was no longer supported by whatever weight used to be there. He looked at the window, it was open.

“Fucking bitch” he muttered. This was getting out of hand.

The next day rolled around quickly after that little fiasco. It was Friday thankfully, Billy wouldn’t have that ‘hungry’ feeling he got all day. It was all Y/Ns fault, she kept making him feel like that, he hated it but at the same time it made him feel fuzzy and it was like a natural high, he was addicted to her. Not that he’d admit it of course, the problem was that Billy hadn’t bedded her yet. His sexual desires and fantasies were getting too much for him, his hand simply wasn’t enough.

He needed to get laid, and fast but unfortunately he hadn’t as much glanced at the other girls at Hawkins, who would try to drape themselves across him at every given chance, a chance which was quite rare, as he was always with her now.

Billy knocked on Y/Ns door. He’d come over early for those bacon and eggs you’d mentioned. He heard shuffling coming from the other side of the door, her face making him stand up a bit straighter, act a little more manly.

She smiled at his presence.

“Billy! You’re here for bacon and eggs I assume?” He nodded happily. She let him inside.

He knew her house so well, well mostly the downstairs, he had yet to venture into the bedrooms upstairs, in particular her own but he got a basic idea from what he could see from his window.

“Here you go” she handed him a large plate with 4 rashers of bacon on it and two eggs. “You have the basketball game later so I wanted to make sure you’re extra fed, protein and all that” she grinned.

He took a bite from the bacon.

“You can bake and cook! These are amazing” he beamed up at her. “You not having anything, beautiful?” She giggled at the name.

“I’ve already eaten mine, had a bagel, it was actually quite nice” She opened up the fridge to get some orange juice. Billy noticed the amount of ingredients in one fridge.

He finished the breakfast in mere minutes. Licking his lips. “Your an Angel Y/N” he let slip.

“Pardon?” She asked, not hearing his quiet words.

“Y-You coming to the basketball game then?” He switched the subject.

“Obviously, wouldn’t miss it for the world especially since you’re playing, you ready to go?” Billy nodded and they headed to school.

Y/N was surrounded by various girls the minute she stepped out of Billy’s car, even with all of those girls with her she made time to say goodbye to Billy and Make sure he’s ok. For Billy it was the little things like that, that made him feel important, like someone cared, mushy shit like that. He didn’t like it but he also did... things were confusing.

Eventually the basket ball game arrived. Billy ran out onto the court with his teammates, his chest was already glistening with sweat from pure excitement to win the game, he was the teams star player after all, so why deny the inevitable. 

His eyes scanned the room, he didn't know why he was looking for her it wasn't as if he cared about her but maybe she would be impressed by his muscles... he had been working out even more for this game, and this game only obviously. 

He saw her sat with Carol on the bench. She was so effortlessly enchanting, no! - She was hot just hot... the whistle shoved him out of his thoughts. 

The game started off with Billy allowing the other team to think they have the upper hand and let them score two points, then he completely smashed them, scoring his team 5 points. 

After every shot he made his head whipped round making sure she saw him, she always did, a proud smile on her face and a cheer of his name leaving her lips. 

In the end Billys team ended up winning by miles. His teammates all congratulated each other with the students cheering. He had a huge smile on his face, the rush of the game fueling him. Y/N rushed down the steps and engulfed him a hug, Billy could've sworn time stopped. Everything else went fuzzy the only thing he could focus on was her. his heart beating exceptionally fast. He didn't know where to put his arms, he stood near enough stiff with that ‘hungry’ feeling again. What was happening to him, was he... was he dying? 

“Im so proud of you Billy!” she pulled away from the hug, reality hit Billy back in the face as he realised that must've been really awkward on her part. “You good?” He nodded feeling a little light headed. 

“Yeah, just... hungry that's all” he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

“Y/N!” Carol yelled from across the gym. “Come on we are going to yours right?” Y/N put her finger up as to ask Carol to give her a minute. 

“Carol is driving me and the girls home tonight, I should've told you earlier but you were getting changed...” Billy chuckled, regaining his confidence.

“Don't worry about it angelface, see you tomorrow” He smirked. She smiled at him and walked to Carol, stopping half way and turning around.

“One last thing” She got on her tip toes and gave his cheek a small kiss. “You did great in the game today” she went back to Carol and the girls again, they were all squealing at what Y/N had just done. Ok that hungry feeling Billy kept getting, now made him feel starved, he didn't know what to do, what to say? 

He felt a slap on the back of his shoulder. Tommy slung an arm around his shoulders. “Did well out there Hargrove!” he smirked. Billys eyelids fluttered a little. 

“Yeah, nothing really” he said calmly. 

“Say, you got a thing for Y/N?” Tommy enquired a smirk played on his lips, hoping to catch Billy out and get him to confess.

Billy raised his eyebrow, letting his ego get the best of him “Nah, just trying to get laid” he winked. Tommy shrugged 

“You sure about that, after that little peck on the cheek you were blushing like a virgin” 

“What?” he chuckled, of course he didn't like her “Trust me, that was for show, let her know im down when she wants to get dirty” the guilt came back with those words. 

“Oh, I get it... you mind sharing after?” he smirked.

“You got a girlfriend anyway” Billy shoved off the question, and headed back to the locker room. 

He needed to go home, let off some steam, and eat he thinks so anyway. 

He heard giggling coming from her room as he stepped into his bedroom. He peered through his curtains, creepy much he thought. 

Y/N was sat on her bed surrounded by a quarter of the cheerleading team and Carol and Tina. They were laughing and chatting, Girl stuff probably. he went to go shut his window and curtains, aware of the fact that he was probably missing out on most teenage boys dreams, an all girls sleepover right next door.

“Who do you like then Y/N?” Emery asked, putting a chocolate in her mouth. Billy stopped shutting the window, he got a little curious...

Y/N giggled. “I can't say, you’ll tell him!” she was getting flustered. Billy felt his heart drop, wait why did he feel his heart drop. like he gave a shit who she liked the only thing he cared about was her secret kinks. 

“ughhh fine! Hargrove” she muttered. 

“sorry who was that Y/N I didn't quite catch that?” 

“Billy! ok Billy” she giggled. 

Billy would've heard that, if he hadn't already accepted defeat and let his ego get the better of him, shutting the window and walking out his room to go workout just before she said his name, apparently not caring about who she liked because in his mind he was definitely only in it to bed her. Even if he was forgetting the fact that she did kiss him earlier and she hugged him so maybe there might’ve been a small chance that she liked him but either way this is Billy Hargrove and his ego is more important.

[blookmallow]

hey i played rusty lake hotel and it was really good, i got the bundle so ill be doing the rest soon

i LOVE this guy 

understandable 

so we have a lovely hotel full of unnerving animal people, i was informed i was supposed to help prepare dinner,

,,,,oh

thats. all my recipes are. the animals who are currently guests. i. i see,

i went to explore upstairs and came across mr. deer’s room. i. assumed what i was going to have to do there, but did not realize: 

ok you’re trapping me in here, alright 

i found a knife but instead of just killing him with it the interaction caused me to stab him in the antler, which produces blood, which i could then use as part of the bloody mary he ordered (which i now have to figure out how to make without leaving this room. somehow) 

he absolutely gave no reaction whatsoever to being stabbed or me harvesting blood from his fucking head for the bloody mary. i dont know if deer have nerves in their antlers or what but this strikes me as a very strange interaction

i also still don’t know why i can’t just stab him but apparently im solving a series of puzzles to create a poisoned bloody mary instead. right in front of him. after i just stabbed him a minute ago. seems like poisoning someone isn’t the best way to kill them if you have a knife on hand and you intend on harvesting that person’s meat for someone else’s consumption but what do i know 

i am very much enjoying these puzzles though i got stuck a few times but it’s generally a pretty good balance of like “difficult enough that i feel like ive Accomplished Something when i figure it out”/”not so convoluted i just get frustrated” they’re mostly pretty standard logic puzzles or like. clever “look at it from a different perspective”/”Really Pay Attention, the solution is right there hiding in plain sight” kinda solutions i like it a lot 

“solve a series of puzzles to figure out how to murder a group of people one by one” is a fantastic premise for a game

however, why the FUCK was there tabasco in this skull

and also why is mr. deer not concerned about the deer skull on the wall. i mean he wasnt concerned about me stabbing him and openly mixing poison two feet away from him but 

could be that they’re not Really animals and it’s just a stylistic/symbolic thing maybe 

this man watched me mix a bloody mary with his own blood and accepted it without batting an eye. alarming 

i was also going to question whether bloody marys ACTUALLY have blood in them in the first place ( like. cow blood or whatever i know blood sausages are a thing so i figured I Guess It’s Possible) but then i actually wanted to know the answer to that question, which google tells me they’re actually mostly like, tomato juice and vodka among other not-blood things, which is what i thought, 

anyway. theres all kinds of things wrong with this but somehow it worked. also the fact that the first thing this guy said to me was “hm, sorry I’m more of a meat person” when i offered him a shrimp cocktail suRE IS SOMETHING 

nobody here takes issue with the fact that they’re being served meat from a fellow sentient species in this world, or that mr. deer mysteriously vanished in the night just before the deer meat was served. sure 

again I’m thinking this might be a “they’re not Really animals it’s just a style/symbolic thing” situation bc it’d be way less likely for them to make the connection with the meat and the dude who disappeared if they weren’t really animals (also could’ve been told he checked out early or something) 

nobody seems to get suspicious as this repeatedly happens, either. are they in on this. are they expecting it. do they Know. is this a whodunnit murder mystery from the perspective of the killer bc that’s excellent if so 

oH GOD hello can i help you

fuckin rabbit grim reaper out there, ok

this was one of those things that immediately turns itself off when you flip the switch and i could tell i was supposed to do something with it and impulsively tried the knife on it and tHAT HAPPENED :’) SORRY. APPARENTLY I NEED THIS RING FOR SOMETHING 

spooky

i like this rabbit dude hes the only one i actually feel bad about :’) (hes a normal rabbit man most of the time he just did a spooky skull trick for me bc he is a magician rabbit, which is adorable) 

also i had a hell of a time trying to find the second optional ingredients for all of these i think i only found One and i have no idea where the rest of them were 

The Hand came back and i fuckign killed it again with the window i am so sorry :’) 

this is going to be such a lovely portrait backdrop 

ms pheasant takes no issue with me killing a disembodied hand in the window and using its blood to paint the backdrop for her either

hm. yes. very nice 

oh. well. that’s. pretty straight forward, i guess, 

for some reason interacting with her with the gun makes her take it and she shoots herself during the camera flash????

i like the “shooting her” double meaning there but What Happened Here   

sighs

i really, really did not want this to be the solution here but guess what 

why did this happen. why was i put through this. is this my punishment for all these murders. having to witness this. why is this here. why didn’t he fucking NOTICE 

also i dont know how the fuck mr boar died??? you give him the sandwich, he gets up to use the bathroom (which is an endless cycle of hell, by the way, it repeats if you don’t figure it out) and i just was clicking on stuff around the chair where he was sitting before bc i assumed him getting up meant something else was accessible now and i found like. a spot on the wall that looked slightly different and suddenly i had the boar meat????? what the fuck killed him 

anyway what a bizarre experience this was i enjoyed it immensely except for that last part and am looking forward to the rest of them soon. i dont remember who recommended this but thank u very much 

[ducksarebetter]

I’M LATE BUT!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY @justsomerandomweebo!!! I hope you know how much I love you, I couldn’t ask for a better friend 💕💕💕

So anyways, this was based off an idea we had from a long time ago (Not sure if you remember but I do) and it’s basically the whole team + Cryptor and Kozu doing team a building exercise and making cakes together!!

3002 words, a little bit of swearing? I apologize for the ending, I got lazy. Hope you like it :))

____________________________________

Kai stared blankly at the list in his hands. “Uhh, flour…”

“Yeah airhead, but how much do we need—“

Too late. Jay had already started pouring the bag into the mixing bowl, immediately drawing the attention of Nya.

“Jay, no!” She yelled, pulling the flour out of his hands before he could do any more damage. “You need to know how much before you pour it!”

“Sorry!” Jay said sheepishly. “Just got excited…”

“You fucking idiot, now it’s ruined.” Cryptor growled from behind him.

Jay shrunk back in embarrassment, watching the flour settle around his feet. 

“You don’t know that! Maybe we can still save it!” Lloyd snapped back while scooping flour out of the bowl with a spoon.

Cole joined him with a spoon of his own. “Yeah, the kid’s right! We just need to work together on this!”

“I believe it should be ok if we can manage to extract most of the excess flour.“ Zane added. 

The team all gathered around, trying to undo the damage. “Let me see that.” Nya pulled the recipe sheet out of her brothers hands.

“Hey!” Kai said in a slightly annoyed tone. Cryptor snorted in laughter, and Kai shot him a glare.

“Maybe if we all were given separate tasks, it would be much more efficient.” Cole suggested to Nya. 

Which of course, was a good idea. They had no organization and no solid plan whatsoever. Put simply, they were an absolute mess.

“How do you…” Kai squinted at the recipe. “Cream butter and sugar?”

“Means you mix them together, you fucking fool.” Cryptor was already ahead of him, mixing the ingredients together. 

“Hey, work together guys!” Lloyd scolded them as Kai opened his mouth to argue. “Ok, well looks like Cryptor’s got that part down. What’s next?” 

“We need two eggs—”

“Um, about that…” Jay said. “We, ahem, may have doubled that…” 

Nya rolled her eyes. “Must I do EVERYTHING??” She sighed.

“Nya,” Pixal said, looking over her friends shoulder at the recipe. “It would appear that we are missing the half cup of milk. Shall I go and—“

At that moment there was a loud crash outside.

“What the in the name of the first Spinjitzu master was THAT?” Cole said.

Everyone ran out the door and down the hallway to the garden, drawing weapons. They all stopped short when they saw what it was.

Kozu stumbled back in forth with an entire cow in his arms. His tank top and jeans were ripped and muddy, his face was streaked with dirt and mud. To complete the look, he was missing a sneaker. The cow mooed confusedly and kicked its feet, attempting to break free. “IM GETTING THE MILK!” He yelled while trying to still the squirming cow. 

Everyone exchanged confused glances. “Er… Kozu, want some help with that?” Cole yelled back.

“I AM… ALMOST GOT IT, JUST YOU WAIT!” 

“Uh, Cole, wanna help him out anyway? He looks like he could use it.” Lloyd said to Cole.

“Yeah. He’s gonna hurt the poor thing.” Cole ran to help.

“Think he can handle it?” Jay asked nervously, watching Kozu trying to pin the cow with three hands, using his fourth to wrestle it’s head to the ground.

“I… think he’s got it.” Lloyd said, reluctantly turning away from the scene in front of them.

They all headed back inside.

While Kai and Cryptor bickered over the egg situation, the other five put their heads together and began brainstorming different ideas for decorating.

“What if we did one of those tower cakes!” Jay said excitedly. “With lots of different color swirls and patterns!”

“Perhaps, but I’m not sure if we would have enough cake mix for that to work. Maybe we should just do one layer?” Pixal suggested.

“Or maybe two? We could level it and put frosting in the middle too.” Nya put in.

“Sounds good too me. Whatever works.” Zane said.

“We should wait and see how much we have when we’re done. We could always make another load if we wanted a bigger cake, and just double the recipe. We need to come up with something that everyone agrees on.” Lloyd reminded them.

“Vanilla’s all mixed in.” Cryptor said. 

Kai tagged along behind him, covered in a noticeable amount of raw egg. It was all in his hair, dripping down his chin and all over his sweatshirt.

“What happened to you?” Nya asked.

“Cry thought it would be funny to crack a raw egg in my hair.” Kai growled.

Cryptor smirked and shrugged. “I was curious to see if it would fry or not.”

Kai gritted his teeth and glared daggers at him. Cryptor chuckled in response, not at all fazed.

“Alright. Kai you go shower.” Nya steered her brother out of the room, winking at Cryptor as she passed. 

He saluted in response. As Nya and Kai headed out, Cole and Kozu entered. Kozu ducked as he passed under the doorframe. “We have milk!” He beamed, holding out a large bucket proudly.

“Nice job!” Zane smiled at him.

Kozu set the bucket down on the table. “Pix, how much of this are we gonna need?” Cryptor asked her.

“Add a half cup to the bowl and stir until the batter is smooth.” She instructed.

Kozu frowned. “I did all that and all we need is… half of a cup?”

Cole nodded. “Yeah, but you did a great job getting it dude. It’s ok, we can save the rest for later!” He reached up and patted his friend on the back. Even though Cole was one of the tallest ones in the room, Kozu still towered several feet over him.

“Alright. Half cup. And now the flour?” Cryptor glanced over, waiting for his fellow nindroids to approve.

“Leave that to me.” Zane helped pour the right amount of flour into the bowl.

“Thanks guys!” Almost all ready for baking!” Lloyd said excitedly. 

“Oh yeah that’s right!” Nya said as she walked back into the room. “What’s the plan for that?” 

“Shouldn’t we wait for Kai to decide on anything?” Jay asked. “So we can all talk about it together?”

“Nah.” Cryptor said as he stepped forwards to join them. Him and Kozu towered over everyone else as they all surrounded the table.

“Well, we have all these pans, so there’s a bunch of different combinations we can choose from.” Lloyd said, gesturing to the collection of glass and metal pans.

“We should definitely do layers of some sort.” Nya agreed. 

“The question is, how many?” Jay added.

“Doesn’t matter to me, as long as I get to eat it!” Cole said.

“We could each have our own individual layer and decorate it separately.” Zane suggested.

“No, we should do it together. Or maybe in teams?” Lloyd said.

“Teams might work better.” Pixal suggested.

“Then it’s a plan. We have more than enough batter here.” Lloyd pointed out as he dipped a finger in it. “Maybe teams of two?”

“Teams of three would be a more logical choice, given that there are nine of us.” Zane said.

“Then teams of three it is.” Nya agreed. 

“Three cakes, three teams.” Jay concluded. “I like it!”

“Team?” Nya grinned at him.

“Team!” He smiled back.

“I’ll take Kai on my team.” Cryptor nodded. 

Zane and Pixal nodded at each other.

“Then left is me, Cole, and Kozu.” Lloyd said.

“I will go with Cryptor.” Kozu said, glancing over at his friend.

“I’ll go with Zane and Pix.” Cole said.

“Guess that leaves me with Jay and Nya.” Lloyd whistled in approval.

“What’d I miss?” Kai walked in.

“You’re with me.” Cryptor looked over at him.

“Sounds good.” Kai walked over to join him and Kozu.

Everyone got to work.

“Alright, I was thinking a tower cake?” Nya said to her friends.

“Sounds like a great idea!” Jay nodded excitedly.

“Whatever works for you guys.” Lloyd smiled. “How many levels? We don’t want to build it too high or it could fall easily.”

“Good point.” Nya chewed her lip.

“How about three? One for each of us, and that won’t be that hard to do.” Jay suggested.

“Yes!” Nya clapped.

“Nice idea Jay!” Lloyd picked out three circle tins from the pile. “How do these look?”

“Great! Now we just need to spray them and fill em up!” Nya said, helping him scoop batter into the tins.

Meanwhile, things were looking great at Pixal, Zane and Cole’s group. 

“Cole, would you like to suggest any ideas for our cake?” Pixal asked him.

“Honestly, as long as I can eat it, I don’t care what it looks like.” Cole grinned. 

“Easy enough. What do you say we do something simple? Maybe two layers?” Zane suggested.

“It sounds like we have a plan.” Pixal grabbed the pans and the three worked together on filling them.

Things weren’t going to well with group three.

“How about a huge cake with like twenty layers, all different colors?” Kai suggested. 

“That’s not gonna work you fucking idiot. We don’t have the skills to pull it off.” Cryptor snarled at him.

“Can it be red?” Kozu asked.

“Red’s good.” Kai pointed at him. “I like where you’re going with this.”

“Twenty layers and bright red.” Kozu sat fowards and winked at Kai.

“Hell yeah! We’re gonna have the best cake for sure.” He leaned back and put his feet up on the table.

Cryptor sighed. “Are you serious? That’s so unrealistic…” he paused when he realized his friends weren’t listening.

“You’re kidding me. Of all the crazy shit…” he mumbled while gathering the rest of the pans.

He threw a few at Kai and Kozu. “Fill.” He instructed.

Kai rolled his eyes as he and Kozu got up and helped him fill up the pans.

“Nice teamwork guys!” Lloyd complemented as they took the cakes out of the oven a few minutes later. 

“Mmm, those smell so good!” Jay added. 

“Yeah they do…” Lloyd licked his lips hungrily.

“Not yet! Remember, we still need to level and frost them. But we have to wait for them to cool first. What color should we do?” Nya asked.

“Hmm… what about blue?” Jay suggested.

“Oh! And green?” Lloyd added.

“I like it! Yellow would go nice with it too. Maybe white trim.” Nya concluded.

“Love it!” Lloyd and Jay nodded in agreement.

“Then it’s a plan!” 

The three got to work mixing frosting together. 

“Lloyd, do you have the pastry bags?” Nya asked.

“Sure do! And here’s the blue food colouring Jay!” Lloyd passed them both what they needed and got to work mixing his own bowl.

Group two was also going great. Pixal and Zane were professionals, baking the cake to perfection, working together to make two almost flawless layers and working to mix a lavender shade of frosting. Cole was enjoying himself, cleaning up the scraps that were produced and “taste testing” the frosting. 

“It’s looking incredible guys! You two are naturals!” He exclaimed happily while munching on scraps of cake.

“Thank you Cole.” Pixal smiled at him.

“Would you like to help us?” Zane asked him.

“I’m just happy to be here. Looks like you guys have everything under control, but if you need help, let me know!”

“Fair enough.” 

Cole was right though. Pixal and Zane were complete professionals, and everything was coming along beautifully.

Meanwhile, table three was having some… issues.

“Kai you idiot, you can’t put that many cakes in the oven at once.” Cryptor said as he tried to pull the pans apart. “It’s one big layer of cake. They got stuck together.”

“Hey, we can work with this. Look we can just break them apart!” The fire ninja responded.

“It’s perfect.” Kozu beamed, looking at the mismatched and deformed sections of cake.

“You STUPID BITCH, KAI!!” Cryptor gasped suddenly.

“What did I do!?”

“You have to grease the pan before you put batter in it! Now it’s sticking to the pan!!” The nindroid was attempting to separate a layer of cake from the pan. 

“You didn’t TELL ME THAT, YOU ASSHOLE!!” Kai screeched back.

“Well, great. Nineteen layers.” Kozu sighed, holding up a mangled layer. 

“Great job Kai, you idiot.”

“At least we still have nineteen!”

“Eighteen.” Kozu pushed aside another pan.

“Just stop touching shit!” Cryptor scolded them. “I’m gonna try and salvage the rest of these layers. At least Kozu buttered his pans. Like a normal person would think to do.”

Kai growled and crossed his arms in response.

“Be useful!” Cryptor growled. 

“HOW?”

“Oh my fucking god… take the knife and work it along the edges of the pan. Like this.” Cryptor showed him how to cut the edges and separate the two.

“This one came out without having to cut it.”

“Yeah, nice Kozu. Here, do these ones.” Cryptor slid him a couple of pans.”

“But why did it do that?” 

“Because it was done right.”

Soon enough, they were down to fourteen useable layers. All of them were a little bit sliced up and battered, but they would still work.

“So what now?” Kozu asked.

“Now we need to make frosting.” Cryptor said.

“Bright red.” Kai and Kozu smiled at each other.

“Right.” Cryptor sighed. “Red. We’re gonna need a lot of frosting for this bad boy though…”

“Leave that one to me.” Kai grabbed a huge bowl and a bunch of frosting containers. 

“Um right. Kozu, mind helping him…”

Kozu was already on it. The frosting duo had all the jars open in no time. With the help of Cryptor, they soon had filled the bowl with the sugary substance.

“Can’t tell if there’s more frosting on you two, or in the bowl.” Cryptor frowned as Kai licked some off his fingers.

About an hour later, and everyone was ready. It was decided that everyone should present their cakes one at a time, and do a little friendly competition to decide who had the best cake. Judged by Cole of course, who would be taste testing all the cakes.

Group one presented their cake first. It was a pretty decent looking one too. The three had really done a good job with the color scheming and had even added a pretty white trim. “Can I try a piece now?” Cole asked excitedly.

“Sure!” Lloyd cut him a piece.

Everyone watched as Cole cut into the cake and popped a piece in his mouth.

“Mmm! Nice job guys, it’s good!” He gave a thumbs up as he took another bite.

“We can score them all at the end and see what everyone thinks.” Nya said.

Group two, no surprise, did an absolutely incredible job. The light purple base, the white designs, it really did look professional. “You guys MADE that?” Jay asked in disbelief.

“Yes we did!” Cole said. “You wouldn’t believe these two. Complete naturals I tell you! They whipped this up like it was nothing!”

Cake three was up next.

Everyone went quiet when the cake was reviled 

“Is that… the cake?” Nya asked in utter disbelief.

“That’s what these two claim it to be.” Cryptor replied.

Was it even a cake at all? It looked like the kind of thing a two year old would make out of play dough. Bright red, a shapeless mass of frosting, the a piece of cake showing through in random places. It looked like it had been run over by a car. 

“Can I eat it now?” Cole was the only one who wasn’t fazed by the horrible appearance of it.

“Knock yourself out.” Kai muttered. “Might be a spoon somewhere in there.”

Which made everyone else’s looks of disgust somehow intensify. Cole picked up the knife and broke off a piece of it. Everyone watched him as he ate it.

“Wow, this actually tastes so good! I think this one wins it for taste!” He waved his fork in the direction of the creators, who sat back in the far corner as if they were cowering away from it.

“Actually?” Jay sputtered.

“May I have a piece as well?” Zane asked. 

Cole cut him a piece and slid the plate across the table. Everyone watched in amazement as he ate.

“Mmm, he’s right! This is very good. Nice job.”

“Alright, now I’m curious.” Lloyd sat fowards and cut himself a peice. 

Everyone else followed his example, and the room was quiet for a few minutes as they dug in to the “cake.”

“That… was actually not bad.” Kai said in amazement.

“You say that as if you’re surprised.” Nya raised an eyebrow at him.

“What I believe he means is, the taste was much more appealing than the exterior.” Pixal nodded as she took another bite.

“Agree with you there.” Jay added. 

“So for taste, we all agree this one was the best?” Cole questioned. 

“Yeah, I’m in agreement there.” Lloyd grinned. “That was some good cake.”

“I liked group two’s cake. I thought it was pretty.” Kozu cut in.

“Then group two for looks.” Nya agreed. 

“And I think Lloyd, Nya, and Jay worked really well together on their cake, and were a good team.” Pixal pointed out.

“So for teamwork, group one.” Kai said.

“Can we get an award for biggest miracle?” Cryptor rolled his eyes. “Maybe most dysfunctional team?”

“What do you mean dude? We had it all under control.” Kai questioned.

“Under control? I carried us!” Cryptor growled back.

“Nah, we had a solid plan. We were totally good.”

“You… glued the layers together. The twenty layers that you wanted to stack up. The twenty fucking layers!”

“It would’ve been great!”

Cryptor slammed his hands down on the table as he stood. “Alright you know what? Next time you can do it by yourself, dipshit—“ 

“Hey, it came out great.” Lloyd chirped. “At least you guys can agree on that, right?”

“I had fun.” Kozu said, pushing his empty plate. 

“So did I!” Cole agreed as he licked his lips. “We should do team building activities more often!”

“Oh please no.” Nya said.

[igotopigfarts]

Since the last one was a little tricky, how about an HC where Waverly and Nicole go baby shopping for Wynonna (prior to Alice's birth) but everything that can go wrong in the shop does

ooof okay.  I think I can handle this one.  hopefully.  but ive never been baby shopping because im a child myself.  i asked my friend because she’d been baby shopping for her sister but she doesn’t really know what could go wrong in a baby store either

ok so they head into the baby store

also what is a baby store?  i think they discontinued babies-r-us so is it just like baby section of target now idk

ummmmmm they get baby stuff

wow this headcanon sucks sorry guys idk its not really coming to me.  im going to work on a different hc and then come back to this later

OK STARTING OVER BECAUSE @luckiegambino HELPED ME OUT

id delete the initial part but i want you to see I was trying and not just ignoring you, anon.  

ok so they head into the baby store

which i have learned are real things and they exist

so waverly knows that she wants this specific high chair

or a very similar one that is cheaper but might not be the same quality 

so obviously they need to compare the models

and nicole 

well

she’s a little clumsy sometimes and she’s trying to look at them and work them

so the cheaper one she’s checking out and she’s able to work it just fine and it makes sense

its all good

but then when she’s looking at the more expensive one she’s trying to look at something on it and theres a pop

“shit”

her face is literally the color of her hair and she looks around

thankfully no one else is in the aisle and waverly is busy looking at the cheaper one a little ways down so she quickly just puts it back and walks over to waverly real fast like

“we’re getting this one”

“the cheap one?  are you sure?  i still need to check out-”

“this one.  trust me”

and now waverly is suspecting something

“nicole haught, what did you-”

“can we just get this one and get out of this aisle?”

“did you break something again?!”

“keep your voice down!  someone could hear!  also, maybe”

waverly just rolls her eyes, but she’s amused and realizing that she shouldn’t have expected anything different

also, its wayhaught

they can’t keep their hands off of each other

so they’ve been shopping for about an hour and they’re in a deserted aisle in the far corner of the store 

nicoles looking at something probably baby formula and reading the ingredients and her brow is furrowed and she’s concentrating and waverly is just like damn

and you know waverly be thirsty

she about to jump nicole’s bones

so she does

and then suddenly waverly is the one pushed up against the shelving and she reaches up so she can run her hands through nicole’s hair because you know haughtie has a severe hair pulling kink and her elbows go back and there’s this huge crash

they both freeze

thankfully it wasn’t anything breakable because they’re now in front of the plastic bottles but there are boxes everywhere

it was like fucking dominos up in that shit

and now they’re both bright red and embarrassed

quickly they pick everything up and decide maybe it would be better to just do some online shopping 

[fume-knight-of-shovelry]

Gency Week 2018, Day 3: Mistletoe

With art to come from the talented @northwindart!

Overwatch, as an organization, did not exactly hold a unified "winter holiday festival”. Not only was the organization made up of a diverse group of people from a wide variety of regions and religions, some of whom did not celebrate December holidays (or, in the case of the residents of the Southern Hemisphere, didn’t even have winter in December), but the widespread structure didn’t make a single gala or party feasible. Add in the around-the-clock nature of most of the organization’s work, and all the ingredients were in place for a half-assed “holiday celebration” where a variety of icons, from Christmas trees to menorahs to Kwanzaa Kinaras and Shinto Kadomatsu decorated the hallways, front doors, walls, floors and ceilings in Overwatch bases around the world.

Genji Shimada, in particular, did not care for these added distractions. He still practiced the Shinto New Year traditions, but as an acting member of Blackwatch he didn’t have the time or reputation to spend on elaborate celebrations. His black-and-red circuitry and exposed chest gave off an aura of brutality that he was happy to exploit to be left alone in his search for solitude and places to focus his rage and frustration. By fermenting these powerful, violent impulses inside himself, he was able to intensify his energy whenever he was next needed in combat. It didn’t make him the best person to be around, but he didn’t care.

Only a few people had been able to get him to relax a bit around them. His fellow Blackwatch agents, for one, especially McCree. Tracer, on occasion, especially when they were finished sparring. He respected Captain Ana Amari, thanks to her maternal concern for her subordinates matching the severity she drilled them with. Winston, thanks to his to-the-point speaking pattern that minimized wasted time. And the medic, Angela Ziegler, also known as “Mercy”. She had been instrumental in saving his life, but that was long ago and no longer informed any part of their dynamic. Outside of that she had treated Genji with patience, respect, and empathy. He did not open up fully to any of them, but he was definitely able to loosen up around some of his fellows.

Which is why he was caught so off-guard when he stumbled into Angela standing stock-still in a doorway in the organization’s Swiss headquarters. Genji was leaving the training ground after slicing up a training dummy on McCree and Ana’s recommendation, and had been looking absentmindedly at the walls when he’d walked into the combat medic. Frowning, he looked up at her, opening his mouth to ask her what was wrong, when he followed her gaze upwards.

Ah. That explained it. Some prankster had set up mistletoe above the doorway leading from the training room: a childish custom whereby any two people who stood underneath it had to kiss. And seeing as he had been the only person in the room for the last hour and that this hallway led nowhere else, and it hadn’t been there when he’d entered...someone was trying to prank him. And Angela as well.

 Well, he wouldn’t give them the satisfaction. Genji would have shoved his way past the person blocking the doorway if it hadn’t been Angela. He was wrathful and capable of great violence, but he wasn’t going to take that out on her. “Ziegler. I understand that this is awkward, but perhaps we can just ignore this and move on with our lives? I’m willing to pretend that this did not happen if you are.”

Angela was horrified. The last thing she remembered was Lena asking her to meet her in the training room to “take a look at a funky lil’ thing the accel’rator does when I use it a buncha times”. She should have been suspicious that Lena was asking for her help rather than Winston’s, but when she went to Winston, he’d given her the a-OK to talk to Lena. When she’d found the mistletoe, she’d planned on turning around and walking away, but then she’d heard someone approaching and waited to see who it was. The fact that Genji was the one who had rounded the corner froze her feet to the ground, but she didn’t know why. She could only stare up at the offending plant in shock until Genji spoke to her.

 The medic averted her eyes. What could be the harm? It was a little bit of fun, after all, to play along with the holiday customs.

 “...Ziegler? Are you well?”

 Without thinking, she grabbed Genji by the shoulders and mashed her face into his faceplate. Her lips met the cold metal covering his face, but she swore she could hear his lips pressing against the metal separating them. Genji’s eyes widened in surprise, but he didn’t push her away, even as his breathing got heavier beneath his mask and he found himself returning her kiss as best he could against the barrier between them. Mercy’s eyes closed as she deepened the pseudo-kiss, her fingers running over his biceps, on his pectorals, along the back of his neck as he found himself holding her by the small of her back. What was going on?

A hissing sound interrupted them and he realized, with some embarrassment, that he was venting heat, his body reaching a critical temperature as his face grew hot: pore-like openings in his right shoulder unlocked and let loose a blast of cool steam. The sound was enough to break them out of the reverie, and they both pulled away from each other simultaneously. Mercy’s face was beet-red and she was breathing heavily, and he knew he was in the same situation.

 Mercy’s head felt hot and she was slightly dizzy with the surge of emotion that had gone over her. “I...am not sure where that came from.”

 “Nor do I.” Angela decided not to point out that Genji now had a bright red lipstick mark where his mouth was beneath his faceplate. “That was…”

 “Sorry, Genji, I…” He raised a hand.

“That was nice, Ziegler. I…” Genji trailed off, and the two of them stood in an awkward silence, faces hot, cheeks red, chests heaving as they regained their senses. Genji tried not to notice how Angela’s rising and falling chest made her breasts sway slightly, cooped up as they were beneath her tight combat suit.

 “...”

 “...”

 “...I’ll see you around, Genji?”

 “...Yes.” Genji replied, still dumbfounded, as Angela paused for a moment before turning around and walking away. He waited until she’d turned the corner before he started after her. Why did he only now just notice how widely her hips swayed when she walked, how much her pants hugged her thighs, how tightly the back of her suit clung to the outline of her rear?

He needed a break. And a shower. And perhaps some time alone with the memories of what he’d just seen and experienced, and then another shower after that.

Angela, meanwhile, was trying hard not to hop-skip like a schoolgirl down the hallways of her employer’s organization. She had to be professional. But that had been some of the most fun she’d had in a long time. She needed a bath. And a bit of time to think about how Genji’s muscles felt underneath her fingers. And then another bath.

-------------------------------

As the video feed showed Genji and Angela taking different exits from the hallway leading from the training room, chuckles rang out from the observers.

 “Well, I’ll be. That went better than expected. And I know what that awkward lil’ gait means for Genji: last time I saw ‘im move like that, he’d been reminiscing ‘bout the time he got the Prime Minister of Japan’s daughter in bed with him…’longside Miss Korea an’ the heiress to some South African renewable energy megacorp.” McCree nodded sagely, as if this wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. “Tracer, I believe ye owe me. Pay up.”

 Tracer pouted, but forked over a stack of bills to the American gunslinger. “S’not fair, y’know. I said they’d snog, for sure, just not that they’d get handsy. No gropin’, even!” The winnowy, flighty operative crossed her arms and frowned.

 “Ahaha! S’yer loss, Tracer. My boy’s got it. Speakin’ o which...hold up.” McCree flipped through the paper, then glared at Tracer. “This’s worthless British pounds! What’re ye doin’, givin’ me currency that’s not worth th’ paper it’s printed on?” Tracer stuck her tongue out at McCree, then laughed again.

 “Sorry, McCree! S’not my fault we’re in Switzerland. Next time yer in the UK, I’m sure you’ll have a doozy of a time…’less you wanna exchange it for francs here for seventy percent of the value, of course!”

 “Cut the chatter, you two.” Captain Amari spoke sharply, wagging a finger at McCree and Tracer, but couldn’t disguise the glee in her voice or the twitch of her tattooed eye that gave away her mirth. “We all did great. Winston, good job on the camera placement. Tracer, well done setting up the mistletoe. McCree, fine work convincing him to work out. I think we’ve given the lovebirds plenty to think about. Maybe keep the cameras off them next time they’re alone together, hm?”

 “Actually, captain, I’m fairly certain that it’ll be quite a bit longer before…” Winston cut himself off when Ana glared at him, nervously drumming his toes on the floor of his Swiss laboratory. “Uh, nevermind. I’m glad that this turned out well, and my camera caught it all. Should we delete the footage?”

 Ana tapped her chin, then shook her head. “No, keep it. Not for nefarious purposes, mind you. But it’ll be fun one day, I’m sure. I can imagine Genji and Angela as an adorable and very saucy couple. Those two need to unwind with each other.”

 McCree’s eyes danced between Winston and Tracer, and he mouthed the words Grandma really wants grandkids, huh? Tracer guffawed, then covered her mouth, while Winston just looked confused.

 “Nothing so crass, Jesse.” He gulped and scooted away from Captain Amari, who winked in his direction.

 “Well, if’n that’s all, I’ll be headin’ to the mess. I’m thinkin’ Genji will want some time alone.”

 “Not without me, cowboy! Race ya to dinner!”

 Tracer gave McCree a whole minute’s head start before leaving herself, but Ana and Winston knew it wouldn’t matter. She’d be there in a few seconds.

 “So...matchmaking success?” Winston eyed the camera feed, considering when he next might be able to discreetly remove the bug he’d planted in the hallway.

 Ana patted Winston on the shoulder and nodded, replaying in her head the passionate kiss that Genji and Angela had shared. “Matchmaking success.”

[probablymango]

Dungeons and Arcana

Chapter 2: Character Building

Muriel stared at the screen, idly petting Scout as he tried to see if there was any jobs in town. So far, most of them were for jobs he didn’t qualify for or gave him too much anxiety for him to consider. “..... ugh. That’s enough for today.” He closed the laptop and set it aside. After a few seconds of not staring at a screen, he got up and set Scout down. Time for chores. There wasn’t much to do, the apartment was small, but they needed to get it done. Feed and water the dogs and Faust, make sure Scout didn’t try to eat Inanna’s food, make the bed, put clothes in the basket for later, put the dishes on the counter to be washed later, make sure the dogs didn’t shit or piss in the house, take the trash out, and finally, walk the dogs.

As he walked, he hoped that they’d be getting a new home soon. It was cramped living in the apartment with two other people, a snake, and two dogs, but it’s what they could afford. His mind drifted off as he thought about the kind of house they all wanted: out of town, a big backyard, good insulation, and big enough so that they could each have their own room. It wasn’t going to be cheap, but it would be so worth it.

He was about to turn back when Scout stopped and stared at a person, the boofed, grabbing the person’s attention away from their phone. “Hey, Scout, no.” They looked up at him, small tail wagging. “No boofing at strangers.”

He looked up to find the stranger walking up to him with a smile. “Hi, awkward question, can you help me find a place?”

“Um….” Inanna gently nudges his thigh. “Y… yeah. Where are you looking for?”

“Do you know a place called the Rowdy Raven? My brother wants me to meet him there, but the map doesn’t think it exists.” They hold up their phone, trying to prove their point.

“.......” He taps their phone, putting in the address. “This map isn’t up-to-date… There.”

“Thank you!” They grin, bouncing in place, then turning and holding out their hand to him. “I’m Portia, she/her.”

That was the first time someone introduces themself like that, he like it. “Muriel, he/him.”

“Well, it was nice to meet you, and hopefully, we’ll meet again!” She runs off, red hair flowing after her.

Scout snapped him back to reality by barking and tugging on the leash, pointed towards the apartment. He smiles softly, following the terrier hom. When he opened the door, he was hit with the smell of lemons and strawberries. He lets the dogs off their leashes and wanders to the kitchen, finding Mordenkainen watching a pan in the oven. “Hey M.C.”

They look up and smile. “Hey, Muriel! How was your walk?”

“It was alright, someone asked for directions though.” He looked around the room and groaned. “Mordy.” The kitchen was a mess, cabinets and drawers were open, dirty dishes and ingredients were left out. “You can’t keep doing this.”

They look up with an expression that was hard to describe, but gave off the feeling of ‘I know I’m being a brat, but am trying to look as non-guilty as possible’. “Doing what?”

He gestures at the rest of the kitchen. “This aries mess! You know to clean up.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” They squat in front of the oven, as if that would hide their deeds.

“I’m a virgo, you can’t leave messes like this!” He groans, torn between laughing and mortification.

They wiggle a bit in place, smiling. Then a timer goes off and they pull out a cake, lemon with strawberry. Scout comes running into the room, boofing softly and watching the cake. “Not for you, it’s not for you.” They baby voice their dog, setting the pan on the oven. They run a sink full of water and soap, then wander around the kitchen for dishes to clean.

“Thank you.” He sighs, closing cupboards and drawers, then wiping off the counters. “Why did you make a cake?”

“Can’t I ever just make a cake?” They pouted, then nod. “It’s for Julian’s sister and the group, she had a birthday recently and I figured it would be a good excuse for a cake. That reminds me, Lucio agreed to let you join the group.”

He stops wiping the table. “Oh……” He was nervous, he knew there wasn’t that much to be worried about, but groups of people still made him nervous.

They stop and look at him. “We.. we can cancel plans with him, if you really don’t want to.”

He shook his head, he wanted to, but that didn’t stop the worry in his thoughts. “I… What do I need to do?”

They smile and sit at the table and urge him to sit as well. “Well, you don’t need to bring much, just a character sheet. Asra and I can get the other items, like dice and some snacks.” They tilt their head at the cooling cake. “Would you like help with a character creation?”

He thinks for a bit, then nods. “Please.. I don’t even know where to start.”

They leave the room, then return with a laptop. “He said to do a self insert, so you don’t have to really worry about choosing a personality or basic looks, other than your own. We basically just need to select a class, choose some equipment, and then wait for Lucio to give us information on the world so that we can make you a background. Also, at some point we need you to get in contact with him.”

He nods, looking at the sheet they pulled up. “Okay, okay.”

Within a few hours, they’ve managed to do the basics and have them explain some of the finer details. “Remember, if you get confused, just ask one of us, okay?”

“Okay…… You said that… Lucy? Wanted to talk to me?”

“Yes, Lucio, would like to talk to you. Would you like his number or to meet him in person? His discord maybe?”

“....... Discord might be best for now.” They give him Lucio’s discord, then leave him at the table to frost the cake. “What kind of cake did you make?”

“Lemon with strawberry pieces.” They grin, setting the frosted cake into the fridge. “I think Portia will like it.”

Portia.. Could they mean….? “What does Portia look like?”

“Not sure. Julian said that she was him, but shorter and brighter.” They sat down with him again. “He said that most of us will probably get along with her. Why?”

He shrugs. “Met someone who said her name was Portia earlier.”

They grin, leaning closer. “Ooooooo~ You met someone.”

He blushed a bit, pushing their face back. “It’s not like that. She asked for directions, then ran off.”

They laughed, patting his hand. “You met someone, and if it’s the same Portia that Julian speaks of, you’ll see her Saturday.”

He slowly takes his hand away. “Okay…. Can.. can you sit with me while I contact Lu… Lucio?”

“Sure thing, dude.”

He smiles, whistling Inanna to come over, he pet her for a bit, then sent a message to him.

Muriel: This is Lucio? glamorousCapricious: That depends, who’s asking? Muriel: Muriel glamorousCapricious: arsa’s friend? Muriel: yes glamorousCapricious: can you give me a few minutes? Busy at work with a drunk Muriel: ok

He sits back and sighs, he wasn’t sure if waiting was worse, but that’s all he could do. “.... go get some rest, M.C.”

They shrug, trying not to yawn. “Not that tired.”

“Maybe not, but I know you have work tomorrow. Go to bed.” He lightly pushes at their shoulder, urging them to bed.

“Fiiiiiine.” They yawn and get up, gently patting his shoulder. “Don’t stay up too late yourself, okay?”

“Okay, good night.”

“Niiiiight!” They wander to the bathroom, probably to shower.

He hears the notification on his phone and pulls it up. It’s from Asra.

Asra: guess who i found at work! Me: Julian Asra: no Asra: well, yes, but hes not the focus!

Asra sent him a selfie of himself, Lucio, and a vaguely familiar person.

Asra: found your cuz! Asra: did you know he was coming today? Me: I thought he was coming tomorrow

Shit, shit, shit! He got out of the seat and started trying to clean up the living room and extending out the bed from the couch.

Asra: apparently he had to cancel plans due to his break up and just came early Asra: is it alright that he comes to our house a night early?

No!

Me: yeah Asra: ill let him know! Asra: he says hi and thanks!

The shower stops, so he takes his chance. “Mordy! Where did we put the extra blankets?”

“Uhhhhhhh! I think they’re under the bed!”

He runs into the bedroom and looks under the bed, immediately followed by Scout. There was a plastic container filled with blankets. Scout crawled under and batted at the box. “Yes, good puppy.” He struggles to get it, but is eventually able to have the blankets. He picks out some of the warmer blankets and gets them onto the couch. “Pillows, pillows..” Those were easier to find, scattered all over the house. He found a few different ones, not sure what his cousin prefered. “.......... this should be good enough.”

Me: tell him I said hi Me: when is he and you coming over? Asra: after my shift or til he gets bored of this place, so in a few hours or less

That’s not comforting.

Me: ok Asra: i gotta go back to the music, ttyl! Me: bye

He was about to put his phone away when he got a text from an unknown number texted him.

Unknown: This is Muriel, right? Me: who are you Unknown: Lucio Me: how did you get my phone number? Unknown: Arsa. he gave it to me, probably didn’t know that someone else gave you my discord

Yeah, that sounds about right. He saves Lucio’s number.

Me: then why are you texting me? Lucio: texting is faster in here than discord Me: oh Lucio: can I ask you some questions for the game? Me: sure Lucio: do you have a character sheet and a general sense of a backstory? Me: yes, do you want a picture of it? Lucio: that would be perfect

He sends him a copy and a small blurb of the background he’d come up with.

Lucio: interesting Lucio: are you open to suggestions? Some details might work better in the world i’m trying to create Me: what changes? Lucio: instead of living on a mountain, would you be open to the middle of the woods? Me: yes, that works Lucio: also, what would you/your character ask for as a super power from a magical entity? Me: …….. Im not sure Lucio: i see.. Lucio: you wanted them to be an ex gladiator? Me: yes Lucio: do you desire an active part in the campaign or would you like a more passive role for now? Me: passive would be best for now Lucio: did they have a gladiator name and did the crowd like them? Lucio: or do you want me to decide that? Me: don’t have a name, but i think he was hated

It takes a while, but he does respond back.

Lucio: How does Scourge of the South sound? Me: sounds good

The rest of the conversation was determining some of the finer details, like his relation to some of the other characters, a bit more backstory, that he could bring Inanna to the game, and that he was now an accomplice for Lucio to move the plot forward for the others. In his words, ‘The others sometime go on a streak of not doing things and results in them not doing anything, but wanting more to do of what he didn’t plan for.’ He snorts. That sounds like M.C. and Asra.

Maybe this game wouldn’t be so bad.

[freyjaiam]

Part of ‘Frey’s 12 Days of Ficmas’

03: Peraltiago: The Battle of Turkeys

Holidays were always chaotic for Amy. She just wanted them to be perfect. She always made a plan and did her best to stick with it so that there was no discord. If one thing went wrong it rocked her. She did her best to keep it cool, her friends and husband always there to try and ease her nerves in a way her parents never could when she was younger. However, being married to Jake was a new pressure she hadn’t dealt with before. Her husband didn’t have many fond memories of any holiday. She wanted to change that. Which was why she was up at four in the morning opening her binder to start the day. She had many pieces of the puzzle already in play.

Gifts?

Wrapped and under the tree her and Jake decorated on December first. Half of Jake’s were decoys because she knew he was impatient and did his best to guess what she’d gotten him by shaking and “accidentally” opening gifts. Socks, underwear, and other random things were under that tree. His real gifts were safely stashed with Rosa, who would be bringing them at dinner. Save for the one gift she still had to pick up before the dinner started.

The table?

Already set. She’d been up until midnight making sure it was perfect. She’d researched many websites, magazines, and even watched some daytime television to get these ideas. Her colors were traditional. The plates each had a little sheer giftbag coordinated with the person assigned to that seat. Gina had promised her that she’d get the flowers for her centerpiece, but since Amy knew Gina liked to sabotage her due to thinking it was funny she also bought extra flowers which she had in the fridge to keep them as fresh as possible.

Alcohol?

Alcohol is a must for parties. Especially with the precinct. Jake’s parents were also coming. Not Amy’s. They decided to visit her brother this year. Her and Jake had bought some and everyone else attending said they would bring something as well. Needless to say it wasn’t going to be a dry party.

Food?

Amy had a slight fight with Charles about the food. She knew she wasn’t a great cook. Despite her promise to always follow the recipe, and despite Charles having gone to the store with her to make sure she had all the ingredients for everything she said she wanted to make, he still insisted on coming to help cook. All Amy could think about was the food truck fiasco where both her and Gina quit because they weren’t cutting the bread right. She didn’t want a hospital visit this holiday, and she knew if Charles was in the kitchen with her she’d probably stab him in the face with her best kitchen knife. So they eventually agreed to split the side dishes in half. She would be in charge of the potatoes, gravy, and green bean casserole. They argued over the turkey. He finally relented but she knew that sneaky sonuvabitch  was making his own turkey to bring here. She just knew it. The little attention whore was probably hoping she’d fail so that he could take the credit for—

“Okay, Amy, focus,” she said outloud with a shake of her head. “You got this. Just…” She checked her watch. “Just under ten hours until people start to show up.”

She went to the fridge to pull out the turkey that she’d taken out of the freezer and—

“Oh… Oh no…” She set it on the counter and it thunked. “WHY ARE YOU STILL FROZEN?!”

.

.

.

“JAKE!” Jake bolted up from bed. His heart was racing and his hand went over it as he looked at his wife. He instantly knew something was wrong due to the wild look on her face. Well that and the giant nicotine patch he saw on her forehead. He hadn’t seen that since their wedding. “We have an emergency!”

“You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“We have more important things to worry about than your heart, Jake!”

“Ouch. Okay. Hurtful. But okay.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just really freaking out, because I already messed up this morning. Jake, the turkey is frozen. Frozen! There is no way I’m going to get it thawed out, in the oven, and ready in time for dinner.”

“Can’t we just, I don’t know, put it in the oven to thaw out?”

“No Jake, that is how you get raw turkey in the middle and dry and burnt turkey on the outside. I’m a disaster in the kitchen but even I know that! I need your help!”

“Okay,” he crawled out of bed and walked to her. He put his hands on her shoulders. “Breathe Amy. We got this. We’re a team, now, remember?”

“Yeah.” She took a calming breath. “Jake, what are we going to do?”

“I’ll put on some pants and find us a turkey. Shouldn’t be too hard since its still early. Right? I mean, corporate America cares more about making the extra dollar now than taking a holiday off for their employees so… I’m sure I’ll find something.”

“Thanks. I’ll start the other stuff but… Please hurry.”

Jake slipped on a shirt, shrugged on his jacket, and found his wallet and keys. On his way out the door he didn’t ask once about the turkey wedged in the microwave that was destroyed due to the door being on the kitchen floor. He just hoped to God he found a turkey before it was more than just the microwave receiving a beating from Amy today.

.

.

.

“Jake? What are you doing here?”

“Oh, nooooooooooooo—-Hey Charles!” Jake spun around to see his best friend. “Just picking up a few things we forgot.”

“Really? But I went shopping with Amy the other day. She should have everything.” Jake hated the almost gleeful look that came upon his best friend’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” insisted Jake.

“Then why are you here?”

“I told you-”

“No, nope, not buying it,” said Charles, hands on his hips. He was practically bouncing on the heels of his shoes. “Something is up. I can smell it.”

“Well… Get your nose checked. Because we’re fine!” Jake then decided to flip the tables. “Why are you here?”

“Amy said I could make a dessert so I’m making pecan pie. All the extra hours we got this week I couldn’t make the trip until now…”

Jake’s eyes narrowed. “I thought you went shopping with Amy this week?”

“I did.”

And there it was. The small hiccup. The slight catch of breath, the way Charles slightly adjusted his brown tie, something was up with him. Jake didn’t know what it was, but he was the best damn detective in the city, so he was going to sniff it out.

“Oh? Then why are you here? If you went shopping with Amy then you should have everything you need as well. So, Boyle, why are you really here?”

They stood, face to face, waiting for the other to break. They stood like that for a good minute before Charles cleared his throat and backed off. They silently regarded one another and then separated. Jake sighed a sigh of relief when Charles exited into the pasta aisle. He then made his move. He went down the cookie aisle, knowing Charles would be following him. He knew his friend, and he knew he’d be watching. He took a sharp left down the the dairy aisle, apologizing to the woman whose cart he ran into when he was too busy looking to see where Charles was. Little did Jake know, Charles was doing the same thing, and they both froze in slight surprise when they met again near the turkeys.

“Aha! I knew it! Something is wrong! She messed up the turkey already, hasn’t she?!”

“What? No! I’m just…”

“Oh save it, Jake. I know you’re covering for her.”

“Okay, then why are you here?” Jake raised an accusatory finger at Charles. “You’re here for turkey, too. Aren’t you? You promised me you wouldn’t interfere with Amy’s turkey!”

“My toes were crossed, Jake, no promise was made!”

“Dammit. I forgot about your freakishly long toes,” muttered Jake. “Rookie mistake. Next time I make a promise with you the shoes come off, Buddy!”

“Admit defeat, Jake. I’m going to make the best turkey, and you can’t stop me,” said Charles, showing his ugly side, but Jake could get ugly, too. “I knew she couldn’t do it. I was going to just let the chips fall where they may but decided that swooping in with the better turkey would be better.”

“You know what?” Jake grabbed a turkey. It was perfect. And not frozen at all. “There will be no swooping today! Amy and I are going to make the best turkey. Better than any dry piece of meat you’ll have to offer!”

Charles gasped, then snagged his own turkey. “All have you know my turkey is moist and delicious and it will beat the pants off of your turkey! So bring it, Bitch!”

Challenge accepted.

Merry freaking Christmas.

.

.

.

“Amy! Amy we need to…” It was quiet. Too quiet. Jake locked the door and timidly made his way to the kitchen, hoping she was ok. Amy wasn’t there. There was a pile of potatoes, half peeled and half not. There was also a bag of green beans on the counter. He set the turkey in the sink because he remembered something about a turkey needing to be in the sink from his mother. It was now eight in the morning. They had six hours. They needed to get this bird in the oven. “Ames? Where are you?”

It was then he realized she wasn’t there. He pulled out his phone and texted her that he was home with the turkey. He saw her start to reply, but no message was sent. Did she not trust him to do it? Had she thought he’d fail at getting them a turkey? The thought hurt a little, but he couldn’t let it get to him. Not yet.

Because he had to beat Charles.

How hard could it be to make a turkey?

He removed the plastic and only puked one when pulling out all the guts from the ass of the turkey. Thankfully he made it to the trash can. He threw the guts over his vomit and then took out the trash to remove the evidence of him yaking in the bin. Twenty minutes later he heard the jangling of keys in the door right after he finished cramming stuffing back up the ass he’d just pulled guts out of.  He was washing his hands and talking as he heard someone approaching him from behind.

“Amy, not cool, where have you-” He turned around and the woman in front of him wasn’t Amy. She had long, brunette hair, blue eyes, and was smiling nervously while wringing her hands before placing them in the back pockets of her jeans. “You aren’t Amy.”

“Jake…” Amy stepped into the kitchen. She had an easygoing smile as she approached him. She took his hand then tugged him forward a little closer to the mystery woman. “Jake this is Victoria. Your half-sister.”

“My…” He looked her over once more. She had Dad’s nose. “Oh.”

“Um… Surprise?” said Victoria before letting out a nervous laugh.

“Um, yeah… Hi!” Jake eagerly opened his arms for a hug and she gave him one. She was tense at first but relaxed slightly before he pulled away. “Victoria, huh?”

“Vicki, please, only my mother calls me Victoria and usually that’s when I did something pretty bad,” she said with a laugh.

“Right. Right. So, where are you from?”

“Minneapolis, Minnesota originally but currently living in Fargo, North Dakota.”

“Oh, you don’t sound like—”

“Yeah, trust me, not everyone from there talks like the people from the movie,” she said with a laugh. “Everyone from that town hates that damn movie.”

“Right,” said Jake, chancing a look to Amy, who loved that movie. She seemed unphased about it though. “Fargo sucks. I mean, if you want a good movie, then the one to watch is Die Hard, right?”

“Let me show you where to put your stuff while Jake processes,” said Amy, gesturing toward the hall that lead to the spare bedroom, shaking her head at Jake’s poor attempt to see if his sister liked the movie he loved. When she returned she wrapped her arms around Jake. “Hey… Doing okay?”

“How… When…”

“I kinda went over your notes, and babe we really have to work on your organizational skills, but I managed to track down Vicki with the help of your dad. Um, I didn’t give him a heads up about her being here today either. But she wanted to meet you. More than him. Um… She’s never met your dad so…”

“That’ll be interesting.”

“You’re okay with this?” she asked, her eyes searching his.

“What? Are you kidding me? I love it. I’m just surprised you kept the secret that long from everyone or that no one found out. Wait… Did you fake a turkey emergency to get me out of the apartment or…”

“Oh, no, the turkey is a disaster. I really did need a new one that wasn’t a solid brick of ice. But I see you got one, and started it, thanks Babe.”

“Yeah, about that…”

Jake filled in Amy about meeting Charles at the store. Suddenly, gone was the bubbly woman he loved and in her place was a demon ready to suck the soul out of Boyle’s body and place it into the fiery pits of hell.

“We need to destroy him,” she said flatly.

“Okay, but it’s Charles,” said Jake. “The guy can cook. And let’s be honest, the two of us can barely manage not burning a pizza in the oven.”

“Yeah, but we have a secret weapon,” said Amy with a grin.

“What is that?” asked Jake as Vicki entered the kitchen.

“Hey, Vicki, I was just telling Jake that you are part owner of a restaurant up in Fargo,” said Amy, giving Jake a slight nudge.

“Oh, really?” said Jake, a sneaky smiling on his face as he pressed his fingertips together.

“Okay. I’ve only known you both for a couple hours but I can see something is going on,” said Victoria. “What’s up?”

“Well…”

.

.

.

Charles felt pretty damn smug. His turkey was perfect. Along with the cranberry sauce and desserts Amy asked him for after their little fight over cooking dinner. He also made some sweet potatoes, just to be safe. Oh, and some fresh rolls. He nodded to Rosa who had a sack full of gifts as well as some beer. The girl she was dating, the one she met on Jake and Amy’s wedding day, was with her parents instead. Their relationship being new Rosa had turned down the idea of meeting her parents on the holiday and instead decided to celebrate with her second family.

“Charles.”

“Hey Rosa! What’s with all the gifts?”

“None of your business.”

“Okay, okay…”

“What’s with all the food?” asked Rosa, nodding toward the bag. “I thought Amy was cooking.”

“We decided to split the cooking duties this year.”

“Uh huh… But wasn’t she making the turkey?”

“Well… I figured—”

“You went behind her back and made your own, didn’t you? Bad move Charles. Though I approve because it’ll be funny to see Amy annihilate you when you come in the door with it.”

“Trust me, you’ll thank me later,” said Charles as they got to the door. He knocked and it was Jake who answered. His face stern as he looked at Charles. “Hello, Jake.”

“Charles.”

“Ugh,” said Rosa, shouldering her way in with her stuff, avoiding the standoff at the door. She nodded to those who were there. When she noticed a new face she turned to Amy with a questioning look.

“That is Victoria,” said Amy, taking the bag of gifts. “Jake’s sister.”

“Holy crap,” said Rosa. “Well that’s a surprise.”

“Yeah, he thought so, too. Thanks for keeping his gifts. Glasses are in the kitchen for drinks.”

“Okay. Hey, just a heads up, Charles-”

“Oh, I know, Jake told me. Don’t worry. We have it handled.”

Rosa had to admit. It smelled damn good in the kitchen when she got her drink. She also noticed the perfectly cooked pies cooling on the counter top. She smirked at that, remembering Charles saying something about cooking the desserts. Rosa poured her drink and went into the living room to ready herself for the fireworks.

.

.

.

“Oh, Charles, sorry. I had no room for the turkey in the oven,” said Amy. “Your sweet potatoes went in there though. They fit just fine.”

“That’s ok, Amy, my turkey will be fine sitting out for the next couple minutes. Since it’s done and perfect. Oh, I saw the pies. Where did you buy them from?”

“I didn’t buy them,” said Amy with a smug grin. “They’re homemade.”

Charles scoffed at that. “Oh, please, no one here will believe that.”

“Ohhh, but it is the truth,” said Jake, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “They are homemade. My sister made them.”

“Kate?” asked Charles. “Well now no one will eat your food. There will probably be glass in it!”

“No, not Kate,” said a woman Charles didn’t know, hands on her hips and her eyebrow quirked. Charles instantly disliked her. “Me.”

“Charles, I’d like for you to meet my sister Vicki. She is a co-owner to a wonderful little restaurant and OUR FOOD IS GOING TO WIN! In your face!”

“Oh, bring it, Jake. My palette is superior in every way. I’m going to wipe the floor with you!” Charles then quickly shifted gears. Because since she was Jake’s sister he totally loved her already. “My name is Charles, I’m Jake’s best friend, it’s really nice to meet you by the way–-Now get ready to suck it!”

“Wow,” said Vicki as Charles marched out of the kitchen area. “He’s… A lot.”

“Oh, yeah, he’s very intense. Maybe a little insane. But he’s my partner and best friend aside from Amy and means a lot to me so hopefully we can get along after all this.”

“Who cares. I just want to win,” said Amy, taking another drink for herself before announcing that dinner was ready.

Jake’s dad had cancelled. Which was fine with Amy but heartbreaking for Jake so she supported him with a half hug. Vicki wasn’t too sad about the dad she never met not showing. Surprisingly she got along really well with Jake’s mother and Kevin, the both of them very curious about her business at home. When it came time to carve the turkeys Amy and Charles faced off at opposite ends of the table. Everyone got a helping of each turkey. From the looks of it Amy and Vicki’s looked better. But looks weren’t everything. They took their seats. Amy cut her toast in half so that the eating could start, and then she just watched. Everyone seemed happy with all the food and that made her feel better by a lot. The turkey was what mattered the most. Charles tried to say she cheated by not making it. Vicki intervened by saying she never touched the turkey and only gave guidance while making the pies.

That had shut him up.

“Okay, you have to settle this for us, who had the better turkey?”

“Must we really?” Kevin sighed before sharing a look with Vicki. “I must warn you. This group of individuals are always involved in some inane quarrel about who is better at what.”

“Competition is healthy, Kevin, and I must say that Santiago had the best turkey,” said Raymond Holt. “Properly cooked. Properly seasoned.”

“Hah, suck it Charles!” sneered Amy.

“I pick Charles,” said Gina.

“Oh you would,” scoffed Amy. “Just like I knew you wouldn’t bring the flowers.”

“Get off my back, Amy, damn!” said Gina before grabbing her wine.

They all went around the table. It was close. Charles was ahead by two before they got to the last of the guests. Rosa picked Amy as did Jake’s mom, which rocked Charles because apparently he’d been trying to butter her up all night. The final vote came to Kevin and everyone looked at him expectantly. He sighed, finally relenting, placing his cutlery down before pondering his decision.

“I’m with Raymond. Amy had the better dish.”

“YES!” Amy cheered before standing up and starting her celebration dance.

“NOOOOOOOO!” shouted Charles at the same time, hands slamming on the table and rattling everything on it.

“Hey, can we get some pie now?” asked Scully.

“We saw the pies cooling on the counter and if you make us wait any longer we may just burn the place down,” said Hitchcock.

“This is the best Christmas ever,” said Rosa, laughing at Charles losing it once more when his pie was bypassed in favor of Vicki’s when he tried to say his pies would be better than hers—then losing tremendously.

.

.

.

Everyone was gone. Vicki was in the guest room getting ready for bed. Amy was putting the last of the dishes away when two arms wrapped around her middle. She smiled, hands settling over his as he hugged her tightly.

“Can I say this was probably the best Christmas I ever had. Meeting Victoria at the top of the list and then beating Charles in the Battle of Turkeys. Also, present decoys? Nioce.”

“I’m glad you’re happy,” she said turning in his embrace so that she could wrap her arms around him fully. “I’m sorry your dad didn’t show.”

“It’s okay. I’m used to it.”

“Hey-oh. Sorry,” said Vicki, who’d come into the kitchen. “I’ll come back.”

“No, no, we’re cool. What’s up?” asked Amy.

“Well I’m not quite tired yet since it’s only nine where I’m from. I was going to ask if you all wanted to watch a movie or something.”

“We… We could watch Die Hard,” said Jake almost breathlessly.

“Oh, yeah. That’d be good. I like that movie.” said Vicki. “Just let me take my contacts out!”

“Oh my God I love her,” said Jake as she left, making Amy laugh. He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers for a quick yet satisfying kiss. “I love you, Ames. Merry Christmas.”

“I love you, too. Merry Christmas.”

END

[jasonblossomsghost]

1-64 and 65: If you were a bird, what kind of bird would you be?

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?mm no more my own? i dissociate Constantly

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?4 unless i’m w someone else then 1

3. The person you would never want to meet?drumpf

4. What is your favorite word?hmm idk iridocyclitis is fun, a meme, and i work for an eye doctor so relevant to my occupation

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?i like weeping willows and i cry a lot so

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?we’re really doing this again huh

7. What shirt are you wearing?a long sleeved red and navy striped shirt that my mommy gave me

8. What do you label yourself as?a disaster

9. Bright room or dark room?bright room. fun fact: when i was ab 13 i could not sleep unless my overhead light was on. sometimes if im doing really badly i still need it lmao

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?uhh iirc i was talking to my boyfriend and playing wordscapes

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?idk 19 is going ok so far

12. Who told you they loved you last?my boyfriend

13. Your worst enemy?either myself or this one coworker of mine who i genuinely hate

14. What is your current desktop picture?just the preset one,,, idc that much lmao

15. Do you like someone?i mean my s/o is pretty cool sometimes

16. The last song you listened to?Outside - The Early November

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?me bitch tf

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?that one coworker... this one patient at my job who degrades me and my coworkers constantly

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?no one and nothing... i like to do things myself

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)idk tbh 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?don’t really like this question or the phrase opposite sex in general  so pass /:

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?nah i’m Talentless

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?you know overflow drains in like bathtubs? until i was like 10 i had to have my back against them bc i was scared people could watch me through it 

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.i live off popcorn so i dont eat or like sandwiches really

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?put it in savings. i’m tryna move out in 6 months

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?hmm idk. i have a friend in san francisco i havent seen in forever so that would be lit

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?smirnoff 100%

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? no geminis

29. What is your favorite expletive?fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?i was gonna say my fire safe box that has my social security card, birth certificate, etc then i was like wait a minute... but tbh idk maybe my laptop? or my purse?

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?my childhood was like 98% trauma but like.. it made me not suck that bad so i’ll keep it

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!i wanna move to seattle but thats in country so.. no idea. sweden? i like ikea

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?don’t fuck w the dead. no one is coming back

34. What was your last dream about?last sunday night i dreamt i woke up monday (christmas eve) and didnt go to work even though i was supposed to (paranoia. i had the day off lmao)

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?i am very good at loving dogs

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?yeah lots of times lmao

37. Have you ever built a snowman?yep. shitty but a snowman

38. What is the color of your socks?black

39. What type of music do you like?depends. sad boi music lately

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?sunrises 100%

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?i can’t drink milk /: but maybe strawberry

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)i am gay idk sports

43. Do you have any scars?quite a few! i’m a clumsy clusterfuck

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?i’m currently in college for poli sci and after i graduate w my BA, i wanna go to law school

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?idk?? like i hate myself but i also dont really wanna change anything

46. Are you reliable?generally yes. but i am known to cancel plans bc i’m depressed lol

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?hows life dude

48. Do you hold grudges?oh hell yeah not gonna play like i dont

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?nope dont like that At All

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?nothing really stands out... probably something from work but i take 100 calls a day so? they all blur together

51. Are you a good liar?really good. i don’t lie though. i’m actually brutally honest bordering on asshole

52. How long could you go without talking?dayssss i love not speaking

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?uhh freshman year i had an awful side part... next

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?yeah! i’m really great at cooking and baking!

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?not really? i took 2 years french and 4 years spanish and to pronounce properly i have to talk differently so i guess i kinda take on an accent then? but not actually

56. What do you like on your toast?i have celiac and gluten free bread is like $5 i dont eat toast lmao

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?i had to do a portrait in the style of francis bacon for my art final

58. What would be you dream car?ideally something that uses clean energy other than that idc

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.no and no.. i just shower what y’all doing in the shower

60. Do you believe in aliens?1000000%

61. Do you often read your horoscope?not often.. like if i happen across it i’ll read it

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?i’m not sure. m is a nice letter

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?dinosaurs bc they were real

64. What do you think about babies?honestly? terrified of them 

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.if i were a bird maybe a magpie? or a crow or raven? or one of those really annoying parakeets

[niel-trbl]

My Flower (Part 1)

Neighbour!Kim Donghan AU

Note: wow i finally decided to write this neighbour au after so long! this is still wip so do let me know what you think is gna happen! and im vvv soft for kim donghan

Read Part 2 here!

you finally settled in your new apartment in the city

the moment you saved up enough from your endless part-time jobs, you immediately bought the apartment you had an eye on

one partly coz of your sibling whom you’re not a fan of rooming with (i mean theyre cool and all but why cant they clean up well...)

and also coz it is alot nearer for you to go to the school you just transferred to

it has been on your bucket list for awhile and you were glad to finally be able to strike that off

since you just moved in, you decided to bake banana bread to give your new neighbours - something you’ve done plenty of times before when your family moved around

it was pretty late when you got the convenience store to get some ingredients

there wasnt anyone else in there so it was nice to shop in peace and quiet

you were browsing through the aisle, searching for vanilla essence when you saw someone familiar entered

well shit, it’s your crazy ex-boyfriend, Daniel asdahkfh sorry i cant think of anyone

he has been on your case lately, despite the fact that you guys broke up quite some time ago

he kept trying to get you back and you kept trying to avoid him

unfortunately, he spotted you and theres nowhere for you to run to

till you spotted a tol guy in the corner of your eye at the end of the aisle

you quickly ran up to him without a second thought, which shocked him abit

“please help me, my crazy ex is here and i really want to avoid him, please just do anything,” you gripped onto his hand desperately

at this point, you dont really expect the guy to do anything coz hes a stranger

so you thought of how to fake a scenario

but suddenly, he had his arm around you then leaned in close to you faints and told you to follow his lead

“________ youre here! who is this?” Daniel looked at the both of you

“her boyfriend, so stop following her around! c’mon babe,” the guy pulled you to another aisle

he still stood by you very closely even after you went to the other side

“okay he’s gone. are you okay?” he looked at you

when you made eye contact, you felt your heart bursting

this guy is hella good looking and you didnt realise it till now??

he had fluffy grey-ish hair with a random blue streak which you thought was really charming

wow his eyes, you could look into them forever

but you snapped back to reality when you realised you have been looking at him for awhile

“i-i’m fine. thanks, err,”

“Donghan,” wow this guy has a really nice name too

both of you continued walking around the store for a bit then making your way to the cashier

before both of you went on separate ways, you thanked him again (and silently wished that you’ll get to see him again soon)

the next day, you finally got round to delivering the banana bread to your neighbours after unpacking a few more of your belongings

“that’s very sweet of you! you really dont have to,” your neighbour, Mrs Kim, cooed

“oh no it’s nothing. just thought it’d be a nice way to say hello to everyone,”

“i am sorry but could you do me a favour? i need to deliver these side dishes to the boy who lives beside you but i need to get going soon. do you mind dropping them off for me?” she asked

“sure of course!”

“thank you so much! poor boy is always eating instant food so i’ll always make extra food for him,” she handed you the containers of food

you placed the containers down and pressed the door bell and waited for your next door neighbour to open up yeoreojwo yeoreojwo yeoreojwo

the door suddenly opened to reveal a tol guy ok you’re just a smol bean thats why everyone is tol to you with grey-ish messy bed hair, clearly just woke up from his deep sleep

before you could say anything, he beat you to it

“oh _______? are you the new neighbour?”

omg it’s Donghan!! ok be cool pretend you hadnt been wondering about him

“Donghan, right? wow what a small world!”

ok you didnt expect to see him again that soon but wow fate is on your side!!

“im so sorry you have to see me like this. i look a lot better than this, trust me,” he ran his fingers through his hair, laughing with his eyes curved like crescents

somehow you had a feeling that both of you would get along really well

[fanfiction-for-me]

Chapter 3: The Island (Dusk)

When I woke up, the light from the sunset cast an orangey hue in the room. I grabbed my phone off the bedside table. The screen displayed a shit ton of notifications and the time, which read 8:21 P.M. No matter how long I’d been living in the upper hemisphere I never got used to the crazy daylight hours during the summer. I opened the only chat I cared about at the moment and without reading the unread messages I held my thumb on the voice message icon.

“Um hi. Sorry I haven’t been able to get back you, but Im doing alright—just a bit hungover from last night. The girls are keeping me distracted... you could even say I’m enjoying myself—“, I chuckled with no humor. “I’ll keep you posted and tell you more about it when I get back next week... love you guys.”

With a bleep, I sent the recording and locked my phone, throwing it on the mattress. I sat up on the edge of the bed, stretching my body which was still sore. At least the queasiness was gone.

I headed to the shower, turning on the faucet all the way up hoping the hard stream of cool water would drown the dull sound of music coming from the pool area. It was imposible though, and the piece of mind I’d achieved while asleep was once more put to an end by my overthinking.

Was it really the right thing to be hiding out up here in my room instead of joining them? Maybe I was making too much of a deal about it. But it was a big deal—for me. Maybe Marco Reus deserved an explanation... or part of it. Sure, I’d bolted like a crazy person in the morning, but that wasn’t about him. And I didn’t have to explain the reason why I had to leave. I wasn’t even ready to say anything out loud to my band mates who’d witnessed my breakdown at its worst, much less to a one night stand who also happened to be one of my football idols. The only thing I would be willing to explain was the blackout. That should be reassuring enough for him, and then maybe we could have a fun vacation hanging out like normal acquaintances... right?

I groaned, turning the shower off and drying my hair with the towel. Who am I kidding? It’s going to be awkward, but I was going to have to live with it for the next week. Why couldn’t I’ve waited until the last day to screw up?

My stomach grumbled on cue too. Great, I’d forgotten I hadn’t had solid food since yesterday evening. It was a common occurrence these days—to only eat when reminded of by my body. As a former chubby kid and anxious eater, I always thought going through something traumatic would make me gain my weight again. The opposite happened, but it didn’t make me feel better. I dried myself quickly and avoided looking at my naked body on the mirror, tying up my robe on a haste. I guess I still looked good to everyone else, but the weight loss for me was tied to something distressing...

I missed enjoying food. I missed everything that made me excited. I missed him...

I bit my lower lip hard, making it hurt so my brain would focus on that instead of the other pain.

Concentrating on the lyrics to the song which was playing outside, I made my way to the kitchen. I decided I would really try to make a decent meal, something to keep my mind occupied. And then maybe Netflix, and catching up with my emails and deleting stuff from my phone. It was getting scary at this point, considering I wasn’t a normal person who got the normal amount of messages. If my phone hasn’t exploded yet it was bound to in a few days. Though thinking about it, I better let my personal assistant do that for me. After all, there was a reason why I was reluctant to read and delete certain things from my phone— might catch a glimpse of a few heartbreaking memories.

Sighing, I surveyed the fridge for ingredients. It had already been stacked for us, even if no one expected us to cook home meals. After some head scratching I decided on pan frying a quick version of a Tortilla Española, and got to it.

I wasn’t half bad at cooking, and soon the kitchen filled with the luscious aroma of sautéed onions and chorizo— my personal touch for extra flavor. I was so in my zone, cutting the potatoes and listening to the music outside, I didn’t notice I wasn’t alone anymore.

“Smells good”.

I jolted in place, looking up to find none other than Marco Reus standing under the kitchen’s archway. I set the knife down and puffed out a breath. He kept popping up in front of me like some kind of bad jump scare.

Marco coughed out an apologetic laugh. “I’m sorry, I always scare you”.

I could only muster a chuckle. “It’s fine. I’m always up in my head. Thanks, by the way.”

We stood there in silence for a moment. My hands were shaking a bit. What was he doing inside? Was he looking for me? Oh god, I have to tell him.

“Listen—“ “I was looking for—“

We spoke simultaneously. I bit my lip and Marco rubbed the back of his neck.

“Sorry”, he started again, “I was looking for the bathroom?”

“Oh”.

I’d assumed wrong after all. I tried to reply as casual as I could: “It’s behind this wall, to the right”.

“Thank you”.

I didn’t look at him but I could feel him watching as he walked past me. He definitely knew I was just about to tell him something. Better now than later then; he won’t take long in there. I turned the burner off. This could be a long conversation and I don’t want anything catching fire in the middle of it.

I leaned against the counter, nibbling on a piece of chorizo. This time he wouldn’t catch me by surprise, I was already waiting for him. It took him two minutes to walk back in the kitchen and I could tell by the way he slowed down as he got near me, he wasn’t heading out yet. I prepared myself to initiate the conversation, but he beat me to it.

“Do you feel better?”

I didn’t expect the question. “Better?”

“Yes, Talia said you were... sick?” For some reason, he hesitated on the last word. Did he already asume I was avoiding him?

“Oh, that. No, I’m not sick, just hungover— you know”, I lowered my gaze, remembering the whole ordeal. “But I slept and took some medicine, and I do feel better now”.

Marco stood with his arms crossed. “Huh. Good”. He narrowed his eyes, the playful dimple on his side smirk distracting me. “I thought you were avoiding me”.

My eyes widened. I didn’t know he was going to be this forward.

“No, not at all!”, I stammered.

He cocked his head to the side. “Are you sure? You run away after I kissed you in the morning”.

Well, shit.

“Yes. True”, I admitted, defeated. ”But I swear it wasn’t because of you! Or the kiss— the kiss was good!”.

The words spilled out and blood rushed to my face. Marco looked pleased with himself for a second, but he kept pressing me.

“Danke. But if it was good as you say, why did you run away? You didn’t like the sex?”

“No—” I responded almost immediately. Marco did a double take. “I mean—I don’t know”, shit, just say it.

He seemed irritated. “You don’t know?”

“Yeah I don’t.... remember.”

He cocked his head again. “I don’t understand.”

“I drank a lot last night. I blacked out.”

He processed my words in silence. The explanation hadn’t gone as smooth as I intended and it was totally my fault. If he’s still cool with me after this, it’ll be an achievement.

“So you don’t remember anything?”, he finally asked.

“No.”

“But you said to me you wanted to go back to the house— you remember?”

Now that’s a detail. “I did?”

Marco blinked twice. “You don’t remember that part?”

I chewed on my lip, trying to go back to the point were I’d been last aware. “The last thing I remember was sitting at the bar and you coming to get me... but I’m guessing that’s not what happened.”

All of a sudden he was struggling not to smile. “You told me to dance with you.”

“Oh, god...”

“Hey, it’s okay, even drunk you were better than me”, he chuckled. “Very good...”

Marco’s eyes moved down to my cleavage and I was reminded I was still very naked under my robe. My fingers pinched the silky fabric close, as if that were going to do anything.

“Anyways”, I cut in; “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. This has never happened to me.”

“No, no. I’m sorry I didn’t notice. It looked like you liked what we were doing”, he added, smirking at the last sentence. I was blushing again. Maybe I did like it but guess I’ll never know.

I decided to ignore that part but he knew he’d flustered me. “It’s fine, there’s no way you could’ve known.”

“So, are you going to stop avoiding me now?”

I rolled my eyes. “I wasn’t, but yes”, I laughed.

Marco smiled. “Ok. We’re going in the yacht tomorrow... you don’t have to be scared.”

What did he mean by that? “Scared? Why would I be scared?”

He looked at me up and down once more before answering. “I don’t know.”

Before I could wonder what he was talking about, he was in front of me. My breath caught and he leaned down, chin brushing against the side of my neck.

“Bis morgen dann”, he muttered, before pecking me on the cheek and heading back out.

I stood there silent with goosebumps going down my arms.

It was worse than I had anticipated. Telling him didn’t make him settle with the explanation, as I thought it would. He will slowly try to convince me to relive last night, and I will give in, for sure. My body was already having clear responses to his advances. Only I don’t know if I will be able to mentally deal with what this entailed. And I just said I wasn’t going to avoid him anymore, so I was stuck. I gave up trying to eat and ran back to my room, the panic already rising.

I tried to steady my breathing but it was getting hard to catch air, and my vision started to blur. I slipped to the floor as carefully as I could, knocking a few things over in the process. Everything went dark for a moment. When I came to, I was still dizzy but at least it was over now. It took me several minutes to recover and be able to get to my purse and find the sleeping pills. I’d promised the guys I’d stopped using them but I’d never really stopped. They got me through the night without waking or dreaming. Even though I had just woken up, I needed to be asleep again.

I downed two of them at once, getting inside the covers and hoping I could handle myself better tomorrow when the time came to meet Marco and the guys at the yacht.

He wanted to play a game with me. Would I be able to play along? Or will it only make things worse for me if I try?

[desolate-rose]

Chapter 9 the outside world part one

So the last two years of agonising and fretting over the ramifications and consequences of my future knowledge, my replacement of the original zelda, the possibility of me dooming an entire world simply by being born, and the inevitability of fate. All of that, for nothing.

I can't implement an essential part of my plan, FOR FOUR YEARS. For the next four years the fate of AN ENTIRE WORLD rests on my tiny three year old shoulders, in making sure my mom survives. But it's fine. Im fine.

It's not like I can do anything about it either. I physically can't learn sealing magic until I'm seven- full stop. There is no way around that restriction. I had asked. Repeatedly. Even researching independently, with what little I could read of my ancestors' journals. Which was a thing apparently. Apparently it was tradition for royals, and nobles to write journals of their lives to help inform their descendants after their death. Neat! But a little awkward to be reading my grandmother's diary, also a lot useless. (apparently my mom had a habit of screaming at operatic volumes when she was a baby, like mother, like daughter!)

If there was one benefit to this information, I at least now have a rough idea of when my mom will die. Yay. (unless of course zelda's lessons were pushed back for some reason, so my info is relatively dubious. yay.)

So now the only facit of my plan I can focus on is making sure my mom stays alive, not like i wasn't going to do that any way but now its just ya know potently world ending. Without any backup plans. Again yay.

So my main mission (or should i call it a quest? I am in zelda after all!) is to keep my mom alive. No sweat.

-that doesn't mean i don't have other goals though! I want to learn everything I can about the culture, history, and MAGIC (ITS ACTUAL MAGIC PEOPLE) of Hyrule. I'm in a whole new world! I want to know everything.

Also magic is REAL! Who wouldn't be fascinated?

I was practically skipping toward the library with dottie at my heels, I had recently found a relatively simple cooking primer that touched upon the subject of the special effects certain ingredients could give. (i could actually almost read it without assistance! progress!) I hadn't got the chance to finish it last night because the adults had this stupid idea that i needed a bed time and that healthy little girls go to bed before eight.

Bha! I am-

….

I was a teenager. And if school taught me anything it was that your education was more important than your mental and physical health! Lives were on the line people! Who knows when i'm going to need this information!

But it was nowhere near bedtime now! And no one! No one was going to stop me from my research!

I stared in abject horror at the empty shelf.

My book! My research! MY ENTERTAINMENT!

Someone had taken my cooking primer and I was devastated. Normally i would move on and find something else to read but this had been the first book that talked about special ingredients that i could sorta understand! I NEEDED more interimentery books to read, they were either too simple or too complex. The middling books that pushed my boundaries without confounding me were Hard to find! At least ones that didn't speak down to the reader or bore me to death.

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND A PICTURE BOOK THAT ISN'T SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF "RED DOG RUN, BLUE SNAIL SLIME!?"

I stomped fuming over to the castle's resident librarian who was deeply engrossed in some thick tome or another, muttering dark curses under my breath and fervently praying it had just been shelved in the wrong section. Ignoring the increasingly worried maid servant trailing behind me.

Taking a deep breath i collected myself and tugged on the old man's long trailing sleeve "mister Tommison do you know where my book is?" I requested politely. I didn't want to alienate my book dealer.

He raised one elegant silver brow and peered down imperiously over his reading glasses. "And which book would that be my dear?" mr. Tommison was a tall, thin, well kept man whose stern intimidating visage could scare troublemakers and chatterboxes out of his library with a single long derisive stare. He was horribly overworked trying to catalog and organise our massive mess of a library and wasn't all that fond of children no matter how important they might be. (honestly the library was a MESS from centuries of collection, mislabeling, misshelving, and to be honestly hoarding every scrap of paper we could get our grubby hands on. we had far too many books for one man to keep track of properly, but he kept the few sections he had under control in meticulous order.) thankfully he had grown a soft spot for me after a few weeks of quite, polite company and careful treatment of his precious books. (at least the few that i could read.)

"Dalias cookbook for the common home, mister Tommison" i replied dutifully carefully enunciating the syllables. mister Tommison was not tolerant of ignorance.

He sniffed derisively "it was checked out by some stupid little squire, he had the gall to come here right after training and tracked mud absolutely every where." my heart sunk. The knight trainees were famous for playing rough with their things and dirtying the castle with mud and other such gunk.

Even I knew that and I really only talked to mister Tommison, granny, spots, mom and dad!

Who knew what sort of condition my poor book would be in when i got it back!

I needed to go talk to this squire about being careful with this book or at least waiting to ruin it until after i got the chance to read over it a few times!

"Thank you for telling me mister Tommison." "of course my dear" he nodded back at me before returning his hawk like gaze to his book. I turned around sharply and headed out of the library.

Now, off to the training grounds to find my book!

.

…

…..

"Dottie? Where are the training grounds" she muffled a snicker behind me. "This way my lady."

As it turns out the training grounds were on the edge of what would be considered the castle, almost as far away from the library as one could get while staying in the castle grounds.

And as i stood in the door way to the outside world i was starting to feel…

Trepidation.

The sun was hot, the field was loud, and I was standing at a distance in anxiety. It had been years since i had really been in a crowd, since i had really gone outside and interacted with anyone outside of my small circle of family and caretakers. In all honesty i was rather sheltered.

And this was scary.

It was loud, the clash of bodies, the screech of steel against steel, triumphant yells, angry shouts, and the bellow of commanders. Hylian ears are incredibly sensitive and this messy cacophony of violent noise was painful.

My instincts were screaming to hide. to cling to dottie and hide behind the one person I knew was safe. Everyone was so much bigger and stronger than i was. I was fragile, vulnerable, and uncertain. My toddler mind cried for the safety of Dotties skirts. To turn around and-

"I'm just saying it's weird!" a voice broke through my thoughts and drew my attention to two soldiers relaxing in the shade of the wall some distance from the door dottie and i were standing in.

"She's the princess mate, should you really be saying things like that?" a lackadaisical voice replied to the first unknown. "She's three! No three year old should be reading! I have a three year old sibling, she can barely string a complete sentence together! Let alone read! Its freaky mate, I'm telling you!"

I took an involuntary step back and dottie bristled.

"Shes got the blood of the goddess mate, their always doing strange things." the lazy soldier replied barely bothering to glance at his impassioned friend. "I don't hear about the queen being able to read at three. Her majesty's smart, not unnatural!"

Dottie started to move but i caught her skirt preventing her from moving any further

His friend laughed, "you're losing it mate- the future wisdom of Hyrule, too smart? Have you been adding the wrong mushrooms to your stew?" "jerk. You know i'm right! Its weird! What other three year old can read?"

"SOLDERS DOSE THIS LOOK LIKE A TEA PARTY TO YOU?!" the two men startled head swinging toward the approaching commander before freezing like deer in head lights.

"THIS ISN'T SOME SORT OF RELAXING GET AWAY SPOT! THIS IS A JOB- A DUTY! GET YOUR LILY WHITE BUTTS BACK ON THE FIELD AND GET TO WORK ON SOME PUSH UPS"

The first solder spoke up tentatively "how many sir?" "DID I ASK FOR QUESTIONS? YOUR GOING TO KEEP GOING UNTIL I SAY YOU CAN STOP. NOW DROP." "SIR YES SIR"

I turned my eyes to the fuming dottie, "Dottie lets go back inside." "But princess-" "can we just go back inside… please." dottie scooped me up into her arms. Normally i would fuss wanting the independence of being on my own two feet, but right now it just felt good to be held. "Ok. let's go back to your rooms princess. Its about time for your nap any way" she replied with forced cheer.

It wasn't anywhere near nap time but right now i just wanted to sleep.

Also on FanFiction.Net! https://m.fanfiction.net/s/13547505/9/