#Im Obsessed
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Simultaneously best and worst couple to third wheel
POV: you’re wen ning
#mo dao zu shi#mdzs#the untamed#im obsessed#unhealthy attachment#i cant get over them#like guys LOOK AT THEM#HOLY SHIT THE WAY I CRIED OVER THIS SHOW#what i wouldnt give to be a lotus
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austins hands in b&w
#beautiful slender delicate#I AM FERALLLLL ive been collecting these pics on pinterest for a while#i had more but they were low quality#im obsessed#austin butler#hands
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#arcane#arcane league of legends#arcane lol#arcane claggor#claggor#im like😳😳😳😳😳#goddayum claggor#im obsessed#he’s so 😩😩😩#arcane netflix#arcane series#arcane s2#arcane show#arcane memes
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𝐵𝑙𝑢𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑡𝑜𝑡𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑐𝑜𝑙𝑜𝑟.
#im obsessed#thank u to my best wife ever for picking title <3<3#love u more#the sims 4#the sims community#ts4cc maxis match#new simmer#sims 4#ts4cc#cc finds#my sims#new sims blog#the sims cc#the sims custom content#the sims story#simblr#the sims challenge#simmer#sims 4 screenshots#the sims screenshots#sims 4 gameplay#sims 4 cc#sims 4 simmer#ts4 simmer#sims 4 legacy#ts4 cc build#ts4 cc lookbook#ts4 cc female#ts4cc clothing#ts4 simblr
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Oh... What everyone doubted really happened.
(The looks, the delicate touch of each one, the flirting at the beginning of everything... The intimacy in this scene! The lesbians got a scene without male gaze, 2024!!!)
ARCANE LEAGUE OF LESBIANS: 2x08 - “Killing is a Cycle”
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SPOILER SPOILER IDK HOW TO ADD THE SPOILER THING
SPOILER FOR THE NEWEST EVENT CHAPTER OF TWST
‼️‼️❗‼️‼️❗‼️‼️❗‼️‼️❗‼️‼️❗‼️‼️❗‼️‼️❗
Wow such a cutie pie
Who's this sociopath
AHHHH THESE ARE BASED ON THE TWO OPTIONS WE CHOOSE WOOOO I love Skully if you can't tell
Repost is appreciated 🐱
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See THIS is why I trust the writers because the whole point of the deadline passing was so we could SEE Poseidon surrendering for Percy. The show has given Poseidon a more active and loving role in Percys life. The gods pride would never let them surrender to one another. But Poseidon knew his brother wouldn’t spare his son’s life. And he knew the only thing that would spare his son’s life was him surrendering. ALSO FURTHER CEMENTING THAT PERCY IS HIS FAVORITE CHILD! The writers pens this episode>>>
#LIKE#PERCY IS POSEIDONS FAVORITE#IM OBSESSED#NOT THIS EPISODE MAKING ME A POSEIDON STAN#WHY DID I LOVE THIS???#THIS SHOW WAS SO GOOD#I NEED SEASON 2#poseidon#percy jackson#AND HIS LOVE FOR SALLY#sally jackson#posally#sally x poseidon#pjo#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson the lightning thief#annabeth chase#pjo tv#percy series#pjo tv show#walker scobell#toby stephens
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OH FUCK!!
#bridgerton#bridgerton s3#polin#romancing mister bridgerton#nicola coughlan#luke newton#im obsessed#bridgerton netflix
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etho: thats some black coffee. you dont take it with milk?
iskall: no, i like it, i like it... (sounds of fumbling for a word in your second language)
iskall (dropping his voice an octave and half-growling): i like it raw
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Is anyone still genuinely in the Merlin fandom? I want to start making edits or wtv- but I don’t even know if anyone would interact with it😭
#bbc merlin#merlin#arthur pendragon#arthur and merlin#merlin bbc#arthur#merlin tv#camelot#im obsessed
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Fanart of @efuzel satori warrior design for link
#im obsessed#efuzel#totk#tears of the kingdom#legend of zelda#botw#breath of the wild#loz#art#my art#the legend of zelda
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STOP THIS WAS THE SWEETEST THING EVER😭😭😭😭 IM OBSESSED WITH THEM!!!!! thank you so much for finishing this masterpiece i’m gonna think about it forever!!!!!!!!!!
to all the girls you've loved before part seven
author's note: WHEW okay i am so sorry it took five days short of a year to finish this. what a wild ride it has been! i just wanted to shout out my dear friend @dani746 who has cheered me on (and roasted me) many times throughout this process. i probably wouldn't have finished this without you. i also want to shout out my other friend @thewintersoldierdisaster who helped me process so much of this part to get it written. you both are the best and i owe you both big time! i also owe all of you who have read and reblogged and replied and liked this series over the last year and a half, you have been so amazing! anyway, here's part seven! (and not to worry, while this is the last part of the series, i will be writing more about mama bear and mat).
pairing: single dad!mat barzal x reader
summary: being a nanny for rich people was probably the worst thing that ever happened to you, until you started working for mat.
warnings: children, rich people, fear of falling in love, anxiety
day seventy-one
you arrived at sydney and matt's in thirty minutes. it probably would've taken less time had traffic not been absolutely abhorrent due to the holiday.
you thanked the driver and paid before grabbing your bag and walking out into the cold air.
in your rush, you forgot a jacket.
you stumbled up the martin's front steps, and dialed sydney's number, pointedly ignoring the five missed calls and eleven texts from mat.
"hello?" thank god sydney sounded awake.
"hey," you exhaled. "can you let me in? i need a place to stay for tonight."
you could hear her mumble something to her husband. and the door was opened thirty seconds later.
matt ushered you in without a word. sydney met you in the foyer with a crease between her brows at the sight of your jacket-less frame and the bag in your hands.
"what happened?" she asked as she led you to the living room and sat you down on a couch. a ringtone sounded and when you turned around matt was answering his phone.
your focus shifted to matt who was looking straight at you. "hey barzy," he said. "yeah, she's here." he nodded, but his eyes were focused on you and sydney. "she got here just a minute ago. no she doesn't have a jacket. syd's with her now." matt hummed into the phone. "we'll drive her to the airport tomorrow, don't worry about it."
you wanted to bury yourself into the pillows. you wanted the couch to swallow you whole.
you didn't hear the end of the conversation matt had on the phone. to be quite frank, you weren't sure you wanted to hear it at all.
matt joined you and syd on the sectional. he threw an arm around the back of the couch and the very sight of it made you sick. you loved them together, you did, that wasn't your problem.
it just reminded you how jason never did anything close to that.
or more importantly (and maybe this was your bigger concern): your shoulders felt cold without mat's arm wrapped around them.
"what happened?" matt asked. and you had to give it to him, you appreciated the "no bullshit" approach he was taking, even if you felt a little attacked.
you opened and closed your mouth repeatedly, but no words came out.
"i'm asking because barzy sounded like he was two seconds away from a full blown panic attack."
you could feel your ears getting hot. your cheeks were getting warm. you wanted to throw up.
"we kissed," you mumbled.
the martins blinked, and you had to give credit where credit was due, sydney didn't shout "i told you so." matt, though, seemed to recognize that the conversation was probably best had between you and sydney because he pressed a kiss to the side of her head and walked out of the room.
sydney nodded and cocked her head to the side. "why did you run?" she asked.
you broke eye contact to look at your hands which were furiously picking at your cuticles. you could see her move closer, leaning forward on her elbows.
sydney said your name quietly. "what happened? did he overstep a boundary? i can get matt to say something to him--"
"i kissed him," you admitted, still not looking up. "i kissed him and freaked out and ran."
“why?”
you exhaled and continued picking at your fingers. "jason said some shit that just got under my skin and now i can't stop thinking about it."
sydney waited for a moment before she spoke again. "what did he say?"
you couldn't see, and it took you a minute to realize that it was because your eyes were blurring with tears. it felt pathetic to sniffle and wallow when it was your fault.
it was all your fault.
"no it's not, honey," sydney said, sounding closer than she did a few minutes ago. you didn't even realize you had said anything. "what did your ex say to you?"
"he said mat would eventually get bored of me. whether that meant just in general or if we slept together."
"you know that's not true, right?"
you halfheartedly shrugged.
sydney was beside you now. she placed her hand on your knee and squeezed. "honey, it's not true. jason treated you like shit, if the one interaction i saw the two of you have was any indication." when you didn't reply, she sighed. "we don't have to talk about it anymore. let's get the guest room set up so you can get some sleep."
it took all of ten minutes for the guest room to be ready. you were curled into the bed moments later.
you found yourself staring at the ceiling wondering how you could've ruined your life so quickly.
you shouldn't have kissed him.
god what were you thinking.
at a professional level, he was your boss, at a technical level, he was a roommate and also—
the best guy you'd ever known.
not that it mattered at the end of the day. you kissed him and ruined any sort of relationship, professional or platonic, you could've had. you might not have been a stem girly, might not be a rocket scientist, but even you could knew that it didn't matter if the stars aligned—
there was no way mat barzal was in love with you.
so you cried yourself to sleep and dreamt of the hazel eyes that had enraptured your heart.
day seventy-two
matt drove you to the airport and thankfully said nothing about your puffy eyes and messy hair. it was safe to say you were restless all night, barely feeling like you slept at all when your alarm went off.
“do you need someone to pick you up when you get back into town?” matt asked as jfk airport approached.
you hesitated. “i hadn't thought that far ahead,” you admitted. “mat was supposed to pick me up, but i don't think he'll want to see me.” not after you ruined everything.
matt nodded. “text syd and let her know when your flight gets into town and we’ll figure something out. if not us, then i’m sure the lees can help.”
when he pulled up to the airport, you gave him a grateful smile and a small thanks before grabbing your personal item and carry on and getting out of his suv. for a brief second, you contemplated jumping back in his car and begging matt to take you back to mat and ella, but you forced your legs to carry you into the airport, telling yourself your mother would be upset if you missed your flight.
so you walked through the airport, through tsa, to your gate, onto the plane, like a zombie. you couldn't stop imagining the way mat’s lips felt against yours, couldn't stop hearing jason’s words in your head like a broken record.
and when your plane took off, you imagined and wondered how mat did it all the time. your stomach dropped as you increased in elevation. your heart lurched when you looked at your lock screen, a photo of the three of you after one of his games.
you should change it, but you loved that little girl and that photo was one time of many recent memories where you felt like you truly belonged.
you locked your phone to keep yourself from thinking about it too much.
your mom met you in your hometown’s airport with a cheesy poster with your baby pictures plastered all over it. she squealed and shoved the poster at your father in favor of nearly tackling you to the ground. you could've cried in her arms, the weight of the last few months catching up to you. for all your parents’ faults, of which there were many, it felt good to be with them again.
your mom pulled back and gave you a watery smile. her hands framed your cheeks as she pulled your head down to place a kiss in your hair. “we've missed you, sweetheart,” she said. “christmas wasn’t christmas without you.”
“missed you too, mom.”
your dad scooped up your carry on and led you to the beat up suv he'd had since you were a sophomore in high school.
the backseat felt familiar like wearing your dad’s old college t-shirt, like fitting into something you'd previously forgotten about. your parents recapped the last few months to you, as they told you about the family drama and what happened at christmas. you were only half listening, doing your best to keep up when you left your heart and mind in new york. you glanced at your parents, married for thirty years, been through their own fair share of struggles. you passively wondered if there was ever this crippling fear in their chests at the idea of loving someone else, or of even falling in love and the enormity of it.
you knew logistically you weren't the first person to fear the act of falling, but you felt so alone in it.
wasn't it crazy? humans had been falling in love for ages and yet you felt completely isolated in this feeling. you weren't the first woman to fall in love with her boss, with a single father, with an athlete. you probably weren't the first to fall in love with a man who was all of the above—
but god it felt like it.
the entire experience felt confining. you knew there were girls dating famous athletes, but they were models, or rich, or childhood sweethearts, or not as mentally fucked up as you currently felt. you were never gonna be sydney or grace or sofia or any of the other nice girls you’d met. you were a nanny, a girl who chose a useless major in a highly competitive city who couldn't handle the stress of a starbucks in new york city at 8am. then you’d gone and kissed mat and consequently felt lighter than you had in the weeks it’d been since you found out your ex cheated on you with the girl you lived with.
but as soon as it ended, you remembered seeing the rangers jersey discarded on your living room floor. you remembered the way your stomach dropped to your toes, how you wanted so badly to pretend it wasn’t happening, but the noises from your roommate’s bedroom were evidence enough.
the writing was in the stars, it was in the fucking clouds, on the fucking wall. every man you'd had been with prior, you'd realized, treated you like garbage. your high school boyfriend never texted or called you back at a reasonable time. your sophomore year of college boyfriend never fully committed, saying he was too busy during football season.
then there was jason who didn’t really show red flags until you started working for mat.
he’ll get bored of you.
“honey? you okay? you went quiet for a second.”
your mom’s voice snapped you out of whatever that mental spiral was.
you gave her your best convincing smile and nodded. “just thinking.”
“how’s that boyfriend of yours?” your dad asked. “jack? joseph?”
“jason?” you gritted out through your painfully tight smile.
your dad snapped and smiled. “that’s his name. how is he?”
“i wouldn’t know, we’re not together anymore,” you mumbled just loud enough for them to hear, but not loud enough for it to echo in your brain.
the car went silent, even as the radio crackled out some random eighties bop from when your parents were in college.
“are you okay?” your mom asked.
“i’m fine.”
day seventy-three
your parents didn't make you celebrate christmas as soon as you got into town. they, thankfully, waited a day before calling your entire extended family over to watch you open presents alone. you smiled and thanked each member for their corresponding present. you dutifully laughed at every joke and sipped at your glass of red wine in hopes that the acidity would distract you from heavier things.
like the texts from sydney asking if you were alright.
or the video from mat of ella playing with the stuffed hippo you got her. you'd watched it ten times just to hear her laugh that she definitely inherited from his childlike cackle. you couldn't help but see the scrunched up face of ella’s that was a carbon copy of her father’s. but even after all that, you still didn't have the heart to reply. what would you even say?
“aw she’s so cute! also sorry i kissed you and ran away?”
you were on your fourteenth watch of the video when he texted again.
mat: let me know when your flight is coming back into town, we’ll pick you up.
you locked your phone and took a sip of your wine. and when your cousin did a cartwheel in the middle of the living room and nearly knocked over the christmas tree? you smiled politely while her parents chided her while you tried to forget the similar stories mat’s parents told you about his childhood.
as the family members cleared out, you helped your parents clean up the common areas. you were in the kitchen with your mom loading the dishwasher when she asked the question you were dreading.
“when are you going back to new york?”
your hands nearly dropped the plate you were holding, but you recovered quickly. “i have to be back before the isles’ next roadie.” a non answer, but you didn't feel like pulling out your calendar and counting the days to see how close you were to facing the mess you left on the island.
“are you staying for new year’s?”
you didn't need to look at your calendar to know you'd already been gone for too long. you'd memorized mat’s schedule at the beginning of the season when you started working for him. his roadie started on new year’s eve.
when you did the dreaded math, you had maximum two days left before you had to head back and take care of ella like nothing had happened.
“i can’t, mat has a road trip that starts on new year’s eve.” you couldn't even look at her. “i’m sorry, mom.”
but she shrugged your apology off and hugged you from behind with a tight grip. “don't apologize, baby. i just wish you'd tell us what's going on.”
“there’s nothing going on—”
your mother said your name, a cross between gentle and chastising. “i was born at night, but not last night. i know you, i know when something’s wrong. if you don't want to talk about it, that’s fine. you're an adult. but don't lie and say you're okay.”
you nodded but didn't offer up any more information.
“when you're ready,” she said, rubbing your back. “when you're ready to talk, i’m here to listen.” your mom pressed a kiss to your cheek, squeezed your shoulders, and walked out of the kitsch, leaving you to gaze out the window over the sink.
day seventy-five
sydney picked you up from the airport at noon with a certain smile on her face that you couldn't place. the backseat was devoid of her kids, so you assumed they were with the nanny or matt was home already with the kids.
she did most of the talking, which you were thankful for. you still felt unsettled back on the island so soon. too soon, if anyone asked. there was nothing more that you wanted than to go back home and hide under the covers in your childhood bedroom, pretending that your biggest fears were monsters in the shapes of shadows from your closet doors.
you were only halfway paying attention. your thoughts were monopolized by the last memories you had before going to your parents’ house. the sound of ella’s laugh when she opened your gift, the warmth in your chest at the anders and grace’s christmas party because you felt so welcomed in by people you'd only known for a few months, the overwhelming unnamable emotion in your stomach at the photo album mat gave you, the capsizing undertow feeling of being seen and known, how mat’s lips felt against your own like every good thing you’d ever done was to make sure you deserved that moment.
you were floating in your own thought bubbles when sydney parked her car in the garage. your eyes didn't wander to the car parked in the street, or the reason why she brought you to her place instead of the one you shared with mat.
you weren’t thinking of any of that until you heard his laugh from the living room.
but your feet were already carrying you there, following sydney diligently like you always did. you stood there in the entrance of the living room, your bag still wheeled behind you.
he'd robbed you of all oxygen.
it was like a spotlight was on him and the nearly eleven month old baby in his arms. a closer look showed that ella was barely holding her eyes open, but she was clinging to her hippo like her life depended on it.
she looked so small, curled into mat’s chest, but so big compared to when you first met her.
her father cheering loudly when he scored on marty, had her flinching awake. her brown eyes opened wide and by some act of grace (or maybe torture on your part) she made eye contact with you and whined. ella reached her hands out for you.
and who were you to deny her?
you ignored the feeling of his eyes on your face, ignored the way his mouth opened in your peripheral vision. instead, you picked up ella and bounced her as she tucked her head under your chin, ignoring the hazel eyes that were locked on your face.
“you're back,” were the first words mat said to you since you left his apartment that night. “how was your trip?”
you fussed over ella in your arms to keep him from seeing how your hands shook around him and vaguely registered that marty had paused the game. “it was fine,” you said. “how long did your family stay in town?”
“they left yesterday, told me to tell you goodbye.”
you nodded, unable to form any other words to keep the conversation going, so you walked towards the kitchen in hopes sydney would follow. she did, thankfully, and soon enough the sound of chel echoed through the downstairs.
“what was that?” sydney whispered. “you haven't seen him in a few days and that’s all you have to say?”
“what did you want me to say? ‘sorry i kissed you and ran away. hope your holiday was fun?’”
sydney sighed through her nose and placed her hands on her hips. “you’re gonna have to talk about it eventually.”
“and i get that, but i don’t want an audience when we talk about it.”
she nodded and looked to the side. “i just hate to see you two like this.”
“like what?”
“like you're strangers.”
a cleared throat kept you from replying, but it did have you turning your head to see mat leaned against the entryway of the kitchen. “i don’t mean to rush you, but i think we need to get ella home so she's in her crib for at least a portion of her nap.”
quickly you nodded and bid goodbye to sydney and, at the door, you smiled at marty as he opened the front door. mat had his hand on your suitcase and was already carrying it outside to his car like it weighed nothing, which it certainly was not light because you had to sit on it with your parents’ obese cat in your lap while your mom zipped it up.
mat loaded your suitcase, you strapped his child in her car seat. he got in the driver’s seat while you slid into shotgun.
and neither of you said a word.
not until you got about five minutes into the drive. it was almost like mat couldn't handle the quiet anymore. “we don’t have to talk about it after this, but i think we should at least acknowledge what happened, right?”
“we don't have to acknowledge it at all, really. it was unprofessional and crossed too many boundaries. i think it’s best if we just forget about it.”
you were too busy staring out the window, watching the buildings pass to see something like hurt flash in mat’s eyes. “why? why do we have to forget it?”
he will get bored of you.
you shook your head and continued to look out the window.
“no, i think i deserve an answer, a reason why you ran out of our apartment on christmas and didn’t say anything.”
“it’s nothing, mat.”
“it’s something if you won't even look at me.” he sighed and adjusted his grip on the steering wheel. judging by the white color of his knuckles, you guessed he'd only tightened his hold. “i just—” he cut himself off with a sigh and rubbed at his jaw with one hand. “do you still want to look after ella? because if you don't, i’ll need some time to find someone else—”
you flinched into the passenger window. “why would you think i wouldn't want to watch her?”
mat shrugged. “i don't know, you don't want to seem to be around me and considering she's my daughter, i just figured.”
“as long as you're okay with it, i’d like to keep nannying. but if you want me to find another place to stay—”
“don't worry about it, it won't be a problem.”
you nodded but didn't say a word for the rest of the ride home. not to worry though, neither did mat.
when you finally got back to the apartment, you grabbed your suitcase while he maneuvered ella out of her car seat and into his arms. neither of you spoke, not even as you went your separate ways as you got into the apartment. you split in the hallway with him going into ella’s nursery and you into your room.
you at least waited to hear the door shut behind you before your shoulders slumped and tears pricked at your eyes.
he’ll get bored of you. he’ll get bored of you. he’ll get bored of you. he’ll get bored of you. he’ll get bored of you. he’ll get bored of you. he’ll get bored of you. he’ll get bored of you. he’ll get bored of you. he’ll get bored—
i’ll need some time to find someone else. i’ll need some time to find someone else. i’ll need some time to find someone else. i’ll need some time to find someone else. i’ll need some time to find someone—
someone else. someone else. someone else. someone else—
a knock on the door startled you enough that you had to cover your mouth to muffle the noise that escaped your lips.
“you okay?” he asked.
you managed to clear your throat and squeak out a “mhm.” you didn't hear any movement, probably mat wondering if he should press the issue, but after a few moments, you could hear feet padding back down the hallway.
you should’ve unpacked, you should’ve cleaned your room from how you left it. you should’ve done a lot of things. but you took a shower where you cried the entire time. then you got in bed and wished you were in your parents’ house so you could smell the slightly burned sugar cookies your mom made and hear your dad’s disgruntled sighs from the living room when his football team didn't play well.
now you were sitting in a cold city that you used to adore, but it felt like the love had evaporated once you were shown how unlovable you were. jason cheated, mat suggested a replacement, maybe that’s all you were. maybe you were just the ikea couch that moved from apartment to apartment only to be replaced with a crate and barrel sofa when the owner got a house.
there was no telling how long time passed before mat knocked again. “tito’s coming over, did you want anything? he’s offering to pick something up.”
you cleared your throat yet again before speaking. “no, no i’m good.”
“you sure? he's getting pizza from borelli’s.”
your stomach growled but you ignored it. “i’m sure, thanks mat.”
the footsteps retreated, leaving you to your thoughts.
it wasn’t long before ella woke up, forcing you to leave your little cave you called a bedroom. she smiled when she saw you, all her four little baby teeth proudly on display. you pulled her out of her sleep sack and changed her diaper, all while her legs and arms were flapping around happily.
“did you have a good nap, ella bean?” she didn't say any intelligible words, mostly just babble, but you smiled anyway. “i bet, baby girl. do you wanna go see dada and uncle tito?”
her deep brown eyes lit up. her eyes were probably the only thing she got from her mom considering she was a carbon copy of mat.
once her diaper was changed, you buttoned her onesie and pulled her little pants back on before you carried her into the living room.
both mat and tito’s eyes lit up when they saw her. almost immediately, ella started kicking her legs and pushing away from you to go to her dad. instead of bringing her straight to mat, you let her down on the floor and watched as she crawled her way to him.
she’d gotten much faster in your absence, even if it was only for a few days. and to your joy, and maybe a little tweak of sadness, she pulled herself up on mat’s knees where he pulled her into his lap.
“how was practice?” you asked.
mat blinked at you. “we didn’t come from practice...”
“i know,” you replied. “but i didn't get to ask you earlier this morning, so i’m asking now.”
tito’s eyes bounce back and forth from you and mat, almost like he’s unsure of what to do.
mat shrugged. “it was fine, just a lot of bag skating.”
and given their performance a few nights ago, that wasn’t completely surprising.
you nodded and walked into the kitchen when the tension became too much. you gripped the cold counter and took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself.
i’ll need some time to find someone else. i’ll need some time to find someone else. i’ll need some time—
“you okay?”
your eyes shot open and you spun around to see beau standing in the kitchen with a furrow between his brows.
“y-yeah, why?”
he jerked a thumb over his shoulder where mat was playing with ella on the living room floor, or at least you assumed he was, you couldn't see him from where you were standing. “you're joking, right? you seriously don’t know why? it’s been almost three months and i’ve never heard you talk to each other that way.”
“like what?”
“short.” when you said nothing, he continued. “what’s going on?”
“you mean he didn't tell you?”
“tell me what? that you kissed him and ran away and didn't speak to him while you were gone? yeah, he told me that. didn't tell me anything else though.”
beau wasn’t being cruel, you knew that. he was simply narrating what you had done in a matter of fact manner.
so why did it feel like someone was twisting a knife in your chest?
he sighed and placed his hands on his hips. “look, i’m not judging you, i just hate to see you both acting this way.”
“acting like what?”
“strangers. or maybe worse than strangers.”
“what could be worse than strangers?”
“estranged lovers.”
a scoff left your lips before you could stop it. “one kiss hardly makes us estranged lovers.”
“no but it does make you two act like you don’t know how to be around each other.”
you refused to look at him, choosing instead to study the grain of the marble countertop. “he’s my boss, tito. i shouldn't have done it.”
he fixed you with a look you couldn't quite interpret. maybe it was similar to one sydney gave winnie after she asked her mom a million questions when none of them made sense and had no obvious connection between them. “you're lying to yourself if you think that’s all you are to him, if that’s all he is to you.”
you shrugged your shoulders. “that’s all we can be.”
“says who?”
no one, no one but you. you and that cruel voice in your head that sounds a lot like your ex. “we just can’t.”
“maybe you just need to be proven wrong. allow him to prove you wrong.”
day seventy-seven
“are you still coming to the game tonight?” mat called from his room while you sat in the living room watching ella play with the stacking cups before she got mad and knocked them over.
to say things had returned to normal would be a lie, but you and mat were good at pretending the elephant wasn’t in the room or even in the apartment building. “i’m not sure,” you replied loud enough for him to hear. “ella’s been kinda cranky all day, hasn’t napped well.”
on cue, ella knocked down the cups and screamed bloody murder. you cringed almost immediately. as soon as the scream was over, you could hear mat’s sigh from his bedroom. his voice sounded closer when he spoke again. “you think she’s getting sick?”
you glanced up and saw mat walking through the doorway. in his suit, he still managed to squat next to you. you quickly averted your eyes instead of staring at his thighs. “i don't know, she doesn’t have a fever, she could be teething or it could just be a sleep regression. all three are possible.”
mat leaned in and ruffled the hair on ella’s head. any attitude or frustration she had evaporated the second she saw her dad. she lifted her arms and babbled until he picked her up. he stood up to his full height and placed the back of his hand against her forehead. “does she feel warm to you?
you stood and replaced his hand with yours. you hummed. “maybe a little, but it’s also a little warm in here.”
mat nodded before he kissed the top of ella’s head. “just let me know if you plan on coming.”
“we’ll be there,” you said before you could stop yourself.
if you were a painter, you'd capture the look of mild surprise on mat’s face because it was equal parts endearing and handsome, you couldn't describe it in just words. “really?”
“yeah,” you said, a small smile on your face. “you’ll need your number one fans there.” and even if you doubted your permanence in his life, there was no doubt in your mind where he ranked in yours. “i mean,” you babbled. “aside from your parents and liana.”
mat chuckled a little. “you definitely rank higher than liana. you don't roast me as much as she does.”
“yeah well, she knows more about hockey than i do.”
his eyes looked into yours and you felt the vulnerability of being seen, of being observed through a microscope.
he’ll get bored of you—
“you should know that doesn't matter to me, it’s the fact that you show up.”
“i’ll keep showing up then,” you smiled. “even if i have no idea what’s going on.”
his smile matched your own. “i’ll come home and explain it to you then.”
you probably could’ve stared at him for eternity, his floppy hair and hazel eyes but ella screamed and wriggled around until mat put her back down on the floor, ending whatever moment you thought you were having.
he glanced at his wrist watch and cursed. “i gotta go or i’ll be late, you have the tickets right?”
“they're on my phone, you sent them yesterday.”
he nodded looking at you then ella, then back at you. “i’ll see you later, then. text me if something changes, i’ll check between periods.”
“you really shouldn't—”
“but i’m going to anyway!” he exclaimed before shutting the door behind him.
ella got a kick out of the uber ride to ubs, even from the comfort of her car seat. the driver was kind enough to play gracie’s corner, which was ella’s new musical obsession. she was giddy for once (because she’d been cranky all day) and didn't even protest when you put the headphones on her head as you entered the noisy arena.
you made your way down to the glass where sydney and grace were waiting with their kids. while it wasn’t your first time at a game with ella, it was your first time this close to the ice. mat had sent you tickets because the wags didn't rent a suite out for the game this time. which, in all honesty, was more than fine with you, experiencing a live game close up sounded more than fun.
the boys came out skating at a pace you couldn't dream of replicating. your eyes were as wide as ella’s as you both looked around, stunned.
“you okay?” sydney chuckled. “you look like a deer in headlights.”
you nodded. “they're just...really fast.”
grace and sydney laughed but nodded along with you.
after the initial lap of skating, matt and anders came over to say hi to their kids and wives. matt had a knowing look in his eye and skated away momentarily. maybe you were a little dumb for being surprised when mat, your mat (but not really) came up to the boards grinning ear to ear.
ella, by an act of god, recognized him even with his helmet on (not that it covered his whole face, but you'd seen videos of babies freaking out when their dads shave so you weren't sure how she would react). she was flapping her arms and squealing, a nice change from the ear piercing scream she’d been giving you all afternoon.
you couldn't really hear what mat was saying, but you saw the happiness in his eyes, the matching grin he shared with his daughter. you didn't even realize you were staring at him until his eyes met yours. he gave you another award winning smile before grabbing a puck and tossing it over for a girl a few seats away from you.
before you realized the time, mat skated away from you so he could finish warming up. that, of course, didn't stop him from looking over in your general direction to look at ella who was enraptured by the entire experience.
the buzzer sounded shortly after and the game started.
ella made it about seventeen minutes into the first period before deciding she’d had enough. smiling apologetically to the other girls, you said, “sorry, the queen has decided it’s time for bed.”
“how're you getting home?” syd asked.
“uber,” you said.
“text us when you get home,” grace said.
you nodded and grabbed your things and placed ella in her car seat before heading up the numerous stairs to the lobby area of the arena. you sent a text to mat after you ordered your uber but before you walked outside, not wanting to stand out in the cold longer than you had to.
you:
sorry to miss the game! the queen has said she’s had enough. we’re about to get a taxi.
you didn't expect him to reply soon. you managed to get an uber and head back to your shared apartment when you got a text back.
mat:
call me when you get home.
before you could stop yourself, you furrowed your brows and replied.
you:
what if you’re in the game?
his reply was immediate.
mat:
call anyway, if i have time during the second intermission, i’ll call back. if not, i’ll see you at home.
as if on instinct, you smiled at your phone. you didn't even realize the uber arrived at your apartment building until the driver threw the car in park.
“thank you,” you said as you climbed out of the car and unhooked ella’s car seat.
the first thing you did upon entering the apartment was put ella and her car seat on the floor. the second was pull out your phone and call mat like he asked you to. it rang twice before your heard his voice on the other line.
“you home?”
you blinked. “you actually picked up?
he made a noise that sounded somewhere between a laugh and a scoff. “you're surprised?”
“you have a game to focus on.”
“this isn’t a lengthy conversation. i just needed to know that you got home alright.”
“well we’re home. you can stop stressing about us and go win a game instead.”
he cackled through the phone right before he said a quick bye and hung up.
you squatted down to ella’s eye level. she was dozing off in the car seat and you were already not looking forward to the tantrum she’d throw as you tried to get her out and into pajamas. a tired baby barzy was a cranky baby barzy.
just as expected, she started crying and rubbing her eyes when you picked her up. she cried even as you changed her diaper and into her pajamas. she cried through chicka chicka boom boom and the little blue truck which she usually loved. she cried up until the moment you put her in her sleep sack and into her crib.
once she was down, you came back into the living room and started cleaning up to the sound of mat’s game on the television. you still weren't an expert on hockey, but you did at least try to understand what was going on. the important thing was that the isles were winning by a goal.
mat didn't get home until closer to midnight. you were still up, watching carpet cleaning videos on your phone. maybe you should've done something more productive, like cracking open one of the fifty books stacked in piles in your room, but after all the screaming from ella, you just wanted to see a dirty carpet turn white.
“you're still up?” he asked, a slight note of surprise in his voice as he walked through the door.
you shrugged. “was waiting for my hockey debrief.” you watched as he sat his hockey back next to the door and ran a hand down his face. “congrats on the win, by the way.”
he crossed the room and plopped down on the sofa next to you and groaned. “i can’t even think about winning when my body hurts.”
“that’s what happens when you can't stay on your feet for more than half a shift.”
he chuckled a little. “not you too, i get enough shit from the guys.”
“if you want it to stop, you should stop falling down.”
abruptly, mat turned to you. “can you even skate?”
“no, but you can. you even get paid to do so. which is why it’s so surprising that you can’t stay on your feet.” he rolled his eyes but there was a smile on his face. “what?” you smiled back. “what is it?”
“nothing,” he said. “i’m just glad we’re cool again.”
day eighty-nine
you felt like a zombie, simply put. ella was eleven months old and shouldn't be going through a sleep regression, yet she was up on and off all night. you knew that it was because she’d learned a new skill, one you couldn't wait to show mat when he got home.
part of you was nervous that he would be upset that he wasn't there for it. last roadie, he came home to ella cruising along furniture and taking steps while she pushed her walker or held your hands.
it took him two days to come to terms with it.
so you sat on the couch and watched ella play in the ball pit playpen with her stuffed hippo. any other time, you might have cleaned up after her, picking up the balls she’d thrown out (because that was yet another thing she’d learned how to do), but you were doing your best to keep your eyes open.
it was the rattling of the doorknob that had you and ella perking up and looking towards the doorway. you could hear fumbling and what you assumed was mat’s hockey bag dropping to the ground.
despite that, it was still a moment or two before you saw mat walk into the living room with a....iced latte in hand?
you furrowed your brows. “what—”
“dada!” ella screamed, flapping her arm that wasn't holding her hippo, doing her best to scramble to her feet without letting go of her stuffie.
mat nearly dropped everything in his hands, including the coffee, which you were still hung up on, because he drank black coffee, not whatever light colored drink that was in his left hand.
“did she—?” he looked to you, hazel eyes wide as the sun. “did she say—”
“dada dada dada dada,” ella kept babbling, her voice only getting happier the closer he came to her.
“hey sweet girl,” he cooed, bending down and scooping her up with one arm. his voice sounded thick, and when you glanced at his face, his eyes looked a little shiny. “i missed you. did you keep mama bear up all night?”
“how did you know—”
“you replied to my text at 2am. you're usually asleep before midnight.” he said it so casually that you almost didn't clock the deeper meaning behind his words. he didn't even look at you, his gaze solely focused on his daughter. “how long has she been saying dada?” he asked.
you smiled. “yesterday, i got it on video. she likes to watch interviews of you sometimes and when i turned an older one on, she said it. i meant to send it to you after it happened, but i figured you'd wanna hear it in person, and if she didn't say it when you walked in, i’d show you the video later.”
“this was much better, thank you,” he said, finally looking you in the eye. then, like a lightbulb went off over his head, he reached his hand out with the iced coffee. “this is for you, figured you'd want coffee after staying up all night.”
you thanked him and hesitantly, took a sip. pleasantly surprised was a phrase you weren't used to using, especially when it came to your coffee order. there were seldom people in your life who could remember how much sugar, cream, and syrup that you liked in your coffee.
jason never remembered, said it was too complicated.
so when you took a sip and it was the exact flavor profile you'd grown accustomed to, you almost started crying.
“did i get it right?” he asked. “i wrote it down in my phone from a month ago just in case. if it’s wrong, ella and i can go grab another one—”
but your smile cut off any rambling left. “it’s perfect. how was your roadie?”
day ninety-two
mat was gracious enough to lend you his car for the day. he didn't have a game, just a morning skate which meant you didn't have to uber to storytime at the library.
it did mean, however, that you had to go pick him up because tito was busy after practice.
you were anxious initially because you had no idea how you'd get into the practice facility, and you weren’t keen on keeping the car running in this economy. thankfully, right as you were walking towards the building, dobson was walking out. he smiled and said a quiet good morning while he held the door for you and ella.
“barzy’s still on the ice,” he said. “should be finishing up any minute.”
“still? is it a punishment?”
dobson shrugged. “i think he's just trying to tighten up his shot.” he cleared his throat. “do you know how to get to the rink?”
you shrugged. “i'm sure i can figure it out.”
which you did, it was pretty self explanatory, though the signage definitely helped. you walked out to the rink and couldn't help the smile on your face when you saw mat zooming around at a ridiculous speed. mesmerized was the only word you could think to use to describe both you and ella. both your heads followed him around the rink.
which meant you had the perfect view of mat absolutely eating it and slamming into the boards behind the goal.
the laugh that burst from your mouth caught you off guard. given how mat flinched, you would say it caught him off guard too.
but you couldn't help it, the sight of him flailing and slamming into the boards had tears forming in your eyes from the sheer force of your laughter.
“oh my god,” you huffed out between laughs. “you're a professional!” you didn't need to say anymore, he knew what you were implying.
mat stuttered out your name. “y—you’re here?”
“i told you i’d pick you up, mat,” you got out through giggles. you walked closer to the ice, stopping at the gate. he hadn't gotten up off the ice, his legs were spread as he sat there. you couldn't place why, but it was still insanely funny to you. as you kept laughing, ella started too, letting out a loud baby cackle that echoed across the ice.
that seemed to kick mat into gear because he stood up and skated towards the two of you, a dopey smile on his face. you moved ella off your hip and in front of your body, holding her back against your chest so she could fully face mat.
“hey ella bean,” he smiled. he tossed his stick over the boards by the bench and reached for her.
“dada dada dada—” as she kept giggling and babbling, you watched as the smile on mat’s face got wider and wider.
you felt your heart lurch into your throat as mat took her out on the ice and started skating. “are you sure that’s safe?” you called out.
mat’s scoff echoed throughout the rink. “i’m a professional.”
“a professional at ending up on your ass.”
while supporting ella with one arm, mat flipped you off with the other hand as he skated around at a moderate pace. something between a scoff and a laugh burst from your mouth like the fireworks in that one katy perry music video.
mat’s head snapped to look at you, an expression on his face that you couldn't place, you'd never seen it before. he skated back to you, with ella still giggling.
“what?” you asked. “why're you looking at me like that?”
he shrugged. “i just like your laugh, is all. you should do it more.”
feeling shy, you looked down at your nails, you really needed to get a manicure done. “haven’t had much to laugh about lately.” the anxiety you had earlier didn't miraculously disappear after your conversation with beau, but up until this moment, you hadn't realized how quiet your mind had been.
a few weeks ago, it was consumed with jason’s words.
now you couldn't stop thinking about mat.
“well, i’ll gladly bust my ass over and over if you keep laughing like that.”
you couldn't help yourself, another laugh forced its way out of your mouth as you looked at him.
day one hundred and one
deep down in your bones, you could feel the exhaustion from yesterday seeping into today. it was a good exhaustion, though. one caused by brunch with grace, sydney, and alexa, a playdate with sofia and romanov’s daughter, deep cleaning the apartment while ella napped, and a nice walk in the park before mat’s game.
he got home last night after a short roadie. it was a successful trip, with them winning more than they lost. you knew ella would be happy to see him when he woke up, all she talked about was “dada,” though that just might be the excitement of saying her favorite and only word.
for now, though, it was just you and ella sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast. well, you were eating your cereal, she was spreading avocado around on her high chair. still, she was eating her scrambled eggs, so you couldn't really complain.
the two of you had moved into the living room with ella playing with her hippo and building blocks while you watched the newest episode of abbott elementary.
“is this a new one?” you jumped at the sound of mat’s morning voice and ignored the sensation in your stomach when you saw him rubbing at his eyes, bed head and all.
“huh?”
mat opened his mouth, but at the sound of her father’s voice, ella turned around and screamed before crawling towards him. he didn't even hesitate to scoop her up and keep her cradled between his left arm and his chest.
“i said,” he started. “is this a new episode? i haven't seen this one yet.”
you blinked. “aren't they all new episodes to you?”
“what do you mean?”
did he hit his head or something? “mat, i've never seen you watch a single episode of anything that wasn't hockey highlights or espn...”
he shrugged. “that's because you're not with me on my roadies.”
it was your turn to ask, “what do you mean?”
mat rounded the couch and plopped down next to you, close enough to not be awkwardly apart but far enough that his leg wasn't touching yours, regardless of how much you wanted him to. “i started watching abbott on the road.”
“why would you do that?”
the tips of his ears turned pink. maybe it was warm in the apartment because the idea that you could cause him to blush wasn't something you were able to comprehend at eight in the morning. “you said you loved the show, i wanted to see what the hype was about.”
“you watched it because i told you about it?” it didn't make sense, no one had ever taken your recommendations seriously enough.
he wouldn't make eye contact with you. “beau kept falling asleep and i was tired of watching film and it popped up and you thought it was good so...”
you smiled to ease the anxiety on his face. “how far did you get?”
“i’m all caught up, except for this episode. i caught up on the roadie.”
“well,” you started. “you’re more than welcome to join us. if you want breakfast, i can pause it and wait.” but you remembered he was a professional hockey player, he probably had somewhere to be. “oh wait, when do you have to be at the rink?”
he checked his phone. “it’s not for a few hours because we got in so late. i’m yours in the meantime.”
you quickly turned your attention back to the screen so he couldn't see the flush on your face.
day one hundred and nine
it was a bad brain day. you couldn't explain it. you woke up and your mood soured. ella only marginally improved it, not even her giggles and smiles, as she stood in her crib babbling as you walked towards her, could fully fix your mood.
there was no rhyme or reason for it either.
well—
that wasn’t completely true.
you'd slept like shit last night. no twenty something should still be having nightmares, god you felt embarrassed just saying the word. but your brain didn't care about shoulds, shouldn’ts, and age because you woke up pouring sweat after jason berated you for what felt like hours.
he’ll get bored of you ringing in your head like church bells on sunday.
it was made worse when, to soothe the anxiety creeping in, you stupidly got on instagram. you should've known better, never in the history of the internet has going on social media improved your mood, especially instagram.
but there you were, staring at the instagram stories of the wags of the isles. pilates, jogs, dinner parties, team events you were too shy to go to. then you went to their feeds, wag jackets and happy families and all the things you wouldn't be a part of. they were rich, had a cool job, a happy nuclear family. and you were what? a nanny? you were a scandal waiting to happen.
he’ll get bored of you turned into it’s just a matter of time until mat finds a replacement. then, because your mind absolutely hated you, it would seem, mat’s own words echoed back to you.
and you knew it was out of context, he’d proven it to you over the last few weeks. but all you could hear was:
i’ll need some time to find someone else.
natalie was jason’s someone else.
who would mat’s be?
which was how you ended up crying into the pan of scrambled eggs. “sorry ella bean,” you managed to get out. “these will be mine, i’ll make you some fresh ones.” you plated the eggs and turned to set them aside on the island behind you, but you weren't expecting mat to be standing there in a white t-shirt and sweats.
no one should look that good in pajamas.
he’ll get bored of you.
“you okay?” and before you could even reply, mat was moving closer. “are you crying? what happened?”
you shook your head. “nothing.”
“it’s not nothing if you're crying into breakfast food.” he was right in front of you now. “c'mon, mama, you can talk to me.”
and you weren't sure why that one word did you in. “that’s not my name,” you huffed out.
“huh?” mat stepped closer and placed his large hands on your arms. “what’re you talking about—”
you stepped back into the counter, trying to get out of his hold. “‘mama’ isn’t my name. i’m not ella’s mom. i’m no one’s mom.”
his brows pulled together, his lips turned down into a frown. “i wasn’t asking you to be her mom, if you want me to find—”
“someone else, right?” you said. “you're just waiting to find someone else? everyone always is.” and it just burst from you. like it had been bubbling for twenty something years and this was the release. “i'm never enough for anyone. was i just a placeholder until she got a real mom? i can be a nanny but nothing more, right?”
“whoa, where is this coming from?” mat cut in, immediately breaking up whatever tirade you were going on. “who’s telling you these things?”
you wanted to scream. “you are! you told me you'd find someone else—”
“—if you didn't want to do this anymore! you weren't talking to me, and didn't seem very interested in doing this,” he gestured to himself and ella, “—at all.” he sighed, like he was calming himself. “i thought we were doing better these last few weeks. what changed?”
you shook your head. “just had a bad night.”
“please,” he begged. “please just tell me the truth.” another moment passed and you didn't say a word, you wouldn't even look at him. “was it jason?” you shifted on your feet. “what did he say?”
for a moment, you thought about shrugging it off, changing the subject. but you were so tired of bottling up all the negative thoughts, the buzzing bees in your head, you just let it all out. “he said you'd get bored of me,” you admitted, feeling a little embarrassed that you were so upset about it. “that i was just a nanny and once you realized you couldn't fuck me, you'd fire me and kick me out.”
you looked up just in time to see mat’s jaw clench. he opened his mouth to say something but shut it just as quickly. ella squawked from her seat so you quickly grabbed her out of her high chair and started bouncing her. she was probably hungry, but she seemed content just being in your arms.
“you know that's not true, right?” he said after a moment, his voice tight.
“i know i should believe you but the buzzing bees in my head, they...” you didn't finish.
“they what?”
“i’m not like them, mat. i don't have what they have.”
“who? you're not like who?”
“the other wags. you're gonna want someone who goes to games and has a car and can function in life without overthinking every little thing and...”
he was shaking his head, his hazel eyes searching yours, like he was looking for the words to say, but couldn't find them. “who told you that's what i want?”
“everyone wants that, mat. i’m just—” ella started leaning and reaching for the eggs you cried into so you moved them out of reach.
after a moment of quiet, of ella just contentedly bouncing in your arms, mat spoke. “i didn't watch abbott elementary just because you said it was good, i watched it because i wanted you to talk to me,” he said, not looking away from your face once. “i wanted us to be us again and if watching a show i wasn’t familiar with meant i could talk to you, i would do it.”
his eyes darted away for a moment, a blush covering his face. but he pushed on anyway. “it turned out to be a really funny show so it wasn't like a burden or anything but i would’ve watched it even if it was garbage because it was something that you liked.”
“mat—”
“no, please let me finish.” he took in a deep breath and looked you dead in the eye. “i would've watched the scott’s tots episode of the office on repeat if you told me that's what you wanted to do.”
mat took a step closer to you, just a foot between you now. “beau said you didn’t believe that i could want you, sydney said it was because of something your piece of shit ex said. so i’ve spent the last few weeks trying to prove to you that i love you, that i love you right now, just like this. even with the million buzzing bees in your head telling you i can’t, i’m telling you i can and i do.”
the buzzing in your head stopped. you couldn't hear anything but—
i love you right now, just like this.
“there is no ‘someone else.’ there’s no one else i could want because you're here.”
“you're not gonna get bored of me?” you asked, kinda hating how weak your voice sounded, but not enough to be embarrassed about it. not when mat was standing so close to you, not when he was saying the things he was saying.
he smiled and shook his head. “i'm not gonna get bored of you.”
“even if i feel like a thursday in october?”
he blinked. “i don't know what that means, but yeah. even if you feel like a thursday in october.”
there was a part of you who wanted to believe him, who wanted to kiss him, but you still hesitated.
you hesitated until you thought about how mat called you every night on his first roadie away from ella, how he admitted that he missed her and kept waking up in the middle of the night expecting her to be down the hall, but how he felt safe knowing that she was with you. you thought about how he waited for you to call when you got into your apartment and immediately helped you move out when you found jason and natalie in bed together. you thought about how his family loved you, gave you christmas presents. you thought about the kiss, you thought about how he called matt when you left the apartment, how he asked if you had a jacket, how you were getting to the airport.
you hesitated until you realized he stole all the oxygen from your lungs. how you knew nothing about hockey prior to him and now it felt like your entire life. you thought about the family skate he'd invited you to in a month and how you dreamt of holding his hand in front of everyone. you thought about how nice it would be to wear his name on your back and know that he was yours at the end of the night.
you hesitated until you knew all the girls from his past, all the boys from yours, had led you both to this moment, standing in his kitchen in your pajamas with his child in your arms while he bared his heart to you.
“you promise just as i am right now?”
he nodded. “i promise, baby, i love you yesterday, right now, and tomorrow.”
you smiled, your heart racing, but your mind was quiet, quiet except for four words. “i love you, mat.”
“oh thank god,” he muttered before placing his hands on your cheeks and pulling your lips to his. he kissed you first, but you chased his lips when he tried to pull away.
it was only the need for air and ella’s screaming that pulled you two away from each other. “are you hungry, baby?” you asked.
“did mama not feed you fast enough?” mat teased, grabbing her from you and tossing her in the air a few times to get her laughing.
“mat,” you groaned.
“it’s okay though,” he said looking you dead in the eye, the widest smile you'd seen on his face. ella looked at you too, both of their faces scrunched up in that way you loved. “we love you anyway.”
mat barzal. nearly everyone in new york was obsessed with him, you knew him by the way he kissed you in the morning, when he got home from practice, before you went to bed. you knew him as the man who scooped his daughter up and tickled her just to hear her laugh. you knew him by the strong arms that would wrap around your waist.
you knew him by the way he loved you.
one hundred and nine days later, you loved him.
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more various things of vivian and her polycule
#iiiii love them so much guysss so much#im obsessed#theres a little carved out section in my head for them and im having so much fun#paper mario the thousand year door#paper mario ttyd#paper mario#ttyd#ttyd remake#vivian ttyd#goombella ttyd#goombella#mario#me and tags have a frienemie relationship. orugh#whaaaaagevar ... ill live🫡
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#art#illustration#oc art#original character#fields of mistria#fields of mistria fanart#fom march#fom valen#im obsessed#fom hayden
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Rewatching the first few episodes of fhjy because i guess i have nothing better to do and the way you can see how kibblespilly was supposed to be a counter to riz is so fucking funny. Its all there from the very beginning- the attitude, the tactics, the way she interacts with the party and everything- this is supposed to be riz's counterpart to run against him for student body president and have a terrible battle of wits and barbs
But in a twist that is perhaps THE most befitting to her ideal story of running against the boy she chose to be her antagonist, the intrepid heroes just straight up not taking the bait resulting in her instead having to go toe to toe against her idealized perfect rival's aggressive near-flunkie unsubtle chaotic friend is SO FUNNY.
Like I know some people are disappointed we dont get the riz vs kipperlily presidential whatever, I know it doesnt make tons of sense in that specific narrative way. But the fucking hilarious meta that even this didnt go her way is so funny. Because instead of rogue sneaking and behind the shadows plays and spy vs spy shit, we have just outward schoolyard taunts and shit like kristen exploding and jumping over the school and the exact kind of play that baits kipperlily into rage every single time and its so fucking funny. Kristen runs naked through the school and does party stunts and is STILL BEATING HER. She even clearly constructed her party to mirror the bad kids perfectly and craft each of them their own nemesis/counterpart and for the most part it like kind of worked EXCEPT FOR HER.
It must drive her fucking crazy that her cute little plot of rogue vs rogue didnt pan out at fucking all despite ALL the signs pointing to that making the most sense. This was something she just couldnt predict, couldnt mastermind. She got up onto that metaphorical stage for a debate and instead was met with a clowning act. Its so funny. I love fantasy high. Nothing you could have done would have changed this, fourdogs. You never had any power at all.
#the idea of her fucking whiling away the hours making mind maps in some swanky study her parents bought her#thinking like yessss im a mastermind..... yesss riz will run against me for president because he needs the extracurriculars....#oohooo im so smart im so evil theyre never gonna see it coming#and then experiencing it all come crashing down as kristen declares shes running for president#diabolical#hilarious#im obsessed#dimension 20#brennan lee mulligan#d20#d20 fantasy high#fantasy high#kipperlilly copperkettle#fhjy#dimension 20 fhjy#d20 fhjy#fantasy high junior year#riz gukgak#kristen applebees#ally beardsley#brian murphy
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Just found out what SSTV is and I can't stop decoding everything I find
:3
#Im OBSESSED#sstv#cw: loud#prev tags#This is so cool#yooooo#Decoding#Computer#Tech#cool#cool stuff#neat
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