#If you still have more I'd love to hear them!

[rookanisstuff]

ok i think you do a mercar rook for lucanis, right? i also fw mercar rook but it seems like an unpopular choice. i would love to hear you explain your passions if you're game

oh my god mercar rook for a lucanis romance is just SOOOOOOO perfect like the level of ANGST is amazing!!!!!!!!!

I cannot understand why it's not a more popular route for the Lucanis romance. It's so angsty, star crossed, a "I burned the world for you" type of loveeeeeee. Rook Mercar turns their back on their city, their people, the Shadow Dragons completely ice them out and practically act like they're a stranger, you're faced with the instant consequences when getting chewed out by Neve and Tarquin in which they STATE you abandoned them and THEN you have to witness almost everyone Rook's ever worked with be mericlessly executed. Rook literally cannot catch a break but then there's Lucanis at their side endlessly thanking them because he's just seen what Treviso could've become if not for Rook listening to HIM against all their own biases.

Add onto all that, that my Rook was a Tevinter Mage? The very thing that had tortured Lucanis and the same thing he had been trained his entire life to kill? Only to have one be to the first person ever to show him unwavering loyalty and kindness?? Ohhhhh the fanfics practically write THEMSELVESSS but yet I struggle to find them!!!! Also to have a Rook abandon their background to live in Treviso with Lucanis post game I feel like this one makes the most sense because the shadow dragons still want nothing to do with Rook. Dorian is Archon and I imagine he's not going to be very forgiving to the person that got his underground movement executed even if they saved minrathous in the final fight. And personally, if everyone I knew in a city hated me, I'd bounce to the city that calls me a Hero with my hot rich boyfriend too Rook LMAO. Anyway, yes I very much love Mercar Rook, I've tried the other backgrounds and just keep finding myself falling back into that Mercar playstate because dramaaaaaa.

[deliciousangelfestival]

Change Of Heart - 5 (Edited ver.)

Character: Bucky x Female! Reader

Theme: Angst, tragedy, romance.

Summary: The interviewer asked her a provocative question:

“If you were offered a million dollars, would you leave your partner?”

Without hesitation, she replied with a smirk, “Give me one dollar, and I’ll leave him this second.”

True to her word, she walked away, leaving the man stunned and searching for answers. Now, he’s desperately trying to find her, grappling with the haunting question—why would she leave him so easily?

And is there more to her departure than a single dollar could ever explain?

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4 , Part 5.

Main Masterlist || If you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee on Ko-fi 🙏🏻

By the way, I publish my book Arrogant Ex-Husband and Dad, I Can't Let You Go by Alina C. Bing on Kindle.

Thank you to everyone who has read this chapter. Leave a comment and Reblog, please. I'd love to hear your thoughts. ❤️

Bucky stood near the dock, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his coat. The waves lapped gently against the wooden posts, a rhythmic sound that did little to soothe the restlessness inside him. The sky had begun to darken, shades of deep blue swallowing the last traces of daylight.

"Sir, it's getting dark," his secretary reminded him softly, standing a few steps behind.

Bucky didn't respond immediately. Instead, he exhaled, his breath visible in the cold air. Then, out of nowhere, he asked, "Did your parents divorce?"

The secretary blinked at the sudden question. "No, sir. But my sister did. She divorced her first husband."

Bucky hummed, his gaze fixed on the horizon where the ocean stretched endlessly. "Was it the right choice?"

"I think so," the secretary admitted. "She smiles more with her second husband. He was divorced too. Somehow, they complete each other. It’s like they both learned from their past mistakes."

Bucky finally turned to look at him. "How long have they been together now?"

"Five years."

Silence settled between them. Bucky lowered his gaze, staring at the ground as if lost in thought. His parents divorced when he was young. His father changed wives like the seasons, to where Bucky had lost count of how many stepmothers he'd had. And his mother—she had become a well-known rich cougar, the kind who made headlines.

When two broken people come together, they begin to heal. But what happened between him and you... something still hurts deep down. Though both of you completed each other, seeing you leave felt like it wasn’t enough.

Bucky had spent years running from his past, avoiding the feelings he buried deep within himself. He'd been afraid of truly connecting, terrified that giving in to love would mean vulnerability—and he’d never allowed himself to be vulnerable. But with you, something changed.

He started to open up, piece by piece. He had found solace in your presence, a kind of comfort he never thought he’d experience. You made him feel like maybe it was okay to be human.

But even as the wounds began to heal, a part of him remained fractured. The scars weren’t completely gone. And as he watched you walk away, that deep-seated fear—of losing someone, of being left behind—came rushing back. He realized he wasn’t as whole as he thought he was.

Without another word, Bucky pulled out his phone. His fingers hovered over the screen momentarily before he made the call. He held the device to his ear and started walking, his steps slow and aimless as he paced along the dimly lit dock. A few streetlights flickered, casting long shadows over the worn planks beneath his feet.

The therapist answered after a few rings.

"My advice?" The voice on the other end was calm. "Let her go. Don't stop her. If she wants to come back, she will."

Bucky’s jaw clenched. His grip on the phone tightened. He didn’t agree.

"Do you have any sexual desire toward her?"

"No," he answered without hesitation.

"Do you feel safe when you're around her?"

"...Yes."

"Do you want to come home faster when you know she's waiting there?"

Bucky exhaled through his nose. "Yes."

The therapist paused before asking the last question.

"Do you have feelings for her?"

This time, Bucky hesitated. His lips parted, but the words didn't come as easily. "...No." But his voice lacked conviction.

The therapist remained silent for a beat before finally speaking.

"It will grow on you. Just wait and see."

Bucky lowered the phone, staring at the dark waters ahead. The wind picked up, tousling his hair, but he barely noticed. His chest felt tight, the answer lingering in his mind.

Had he really meant it?

The Next Day

Bucky followed you.

He shouldn’t have, but he did.

He was already waiting by the dock when you returned from your scuba diving lesson. You looked different—lighter, freer. The usual quiet presence he was familiar with had been replaced by someone more expressive, more alive. You laughed while talking to strangers, engaging with them in a way he had never seen before. When you were with him, you spoke to his colleagues, sure, but never like this. With them, it was polite conversation, surface-level. But now? You were glowing.

And Bucky didn't know how to feel about that.

You spotted him standing near the railing, and your smile faltered for just a second before returning. Surprise flickered in your eyes, but there was something else too—relief, maybe.

"You're still here," you said, your voice carrying a mix of disbelief and quiet gladness.

Bucky was about to respond, but then his gaze caught on you peeling off your wetsuit.

He froze.

It wasn’t like you were undressing provocatively—you were simply taking off your gear. But in the two years you'd been together, neither of you had ever seen the other completely bare. You had shared a home, a bed even, but always with an unspoken distance.

His throat went dry, and he forced himself to turn away, his jaw tightening.

Bucky had seen countless women undress before, but this—this was different. This was you. And it was as if some part of his brain refused to process it. He waited in silence, staring at the dark water until he heard your footsteps approaching.

You had changed into dry clothes and now stood beside him, leaning against the dock railing.

“I guess Grandpa won’t allow you to come home,” you said.

Bucky let out a dry chuckle. “How did you know?”

“Just a hunch.”

He exhaled sharply, shoving his hands into his pockets. “You’re right. But I guess… I failed. You don’t want to come back.”

“Not yet.”

Silence. The waves rolled in and out, filling the space between you.

You looked out at the sea, your expression unreadable. Then, as if speaking more to yourself than to him, you asked, “Do you ever wonder why we’re compatible?”

It was a good question. Because in truth, on paper, you shouldn’t be.

Most marriage contracts like yours didn’t last. Some couples couldn’t even stand each other for the duration of their agreement. They broke it off before the ink had dried.

You exhaled through your nose, then said with a smirk, “Because both of us are ambitious as fuck.”

Bucky scoffed. He almost laughed, but he held it in, shaking his head instead.

Then, in a quieter voice, he asked, “If you love me, why are you leaving?”

You turned your head to look at him. Your eyes were softer now, but firm, steady.

“Bucky, I know you’re not ready for this. And I won’t push you. You need to figure it out yourself.”

His chest tightened.

He had spent years figuring himself out. Years battling the demons that kept him tethered to his past. But had he actually moved forward?

“I used this marriage contract to get money,” you admitted. “To have a higher status than my father. Feeling superior to him gave me satisfaction.”

Bucky swallowed hard. He understood that. He understood it too well.

He had never wanted to be in a relationship—not out of fear, but as an act of rebellion. His parents' marriage had been a disaster, a revolving door of broken vows and replacements. His father cycled through wives like a man cycling through business investments. His mother had responded by becoming one of the most infamous rich cougars in town, collecting younger lovers as if to prove something to the world.

Love, as far as Bucky had seen, was nothing more than a transaction.

He had despised it.

But now, standing here, he wasn’t so sure.

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “So this is goodbye, then?”

“For now,” you said, your voice gentle. “I just want to do what I’ve been holding back. I want to grow up.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow at that. “What do you mean? We’re already in our thirties.”

You smiled, but it wasn’t a happy smile. It was knowing, understanding.

“I mean growing up from the trauma.” Your voice softened. “Bucky, both of us were stuck as kids because of what happened to us. Our pasts kept us frozen in time. But I don’t want to stay stuck anymore. I want to move forward. I want to leave the trauma behind.”

Bucky didn’t say anything. He couldn't.

“The reason I didn’t come back,” you continued, “is because I still love you. And that terrifies me. I’m running away because I can’t be near you without feeling everything too much.”

Bucky sucked in a slow breath.

This was the first time anyone had ever said those words to him like this—with honesty, with vulnerability. It was the first time he had ever received a love confession that wasn’t transactional, that wasn’t tied to expectations.

And he didn’t know what to do with it.

You stepped back. “I hope that the next time we meet, everything will be different.”

Bucky watched as you walked away, disappearing into the crowd. He didn’t move, didn’t breathe for a long moment. Then, slowly, he let out a shaky exhale.

Something was shifting inside him, something he didn’t have a name for. It wasn’t just loss. It wasn’t just regret.

It was something deeper.

A few moments later, he pulled out his phone and dialed his therapist.

When the call connected, his voice came out rough, almost reluctant.

“I think I’m starting to have… sexual desires toward her.”

There was silence on the other end.

Then, finally, his therapist sighed.

“Well, Bucky,” they said, “it looks like you’re finally catching up to your emotions.”

He decided to leave you alone, but that didn’t mean he stopped caring. No matter what, you had been there for him for two years. Marriage contract or not, you left a lasting impression on his life.

When he returned, his grandfather was waiting for him, clearly hoping you would step off the plane with Bucky.

When he saw Bucky coming down alone, Tom clicked his tongue. “You’re an idiot.”

Bucky sighed. “Give her time. She’ll be back.” Even though he's not sure when you'll be back.

🌸🌸🌸🌸

One Year Later

The café inside the park was quiet, tucked away between tall trees and winding pathways. The morning sun filtered through the leaves, casting dappled light onto the wooden tables.

Bucky sat alone, a tablet in one hand, a coffee cup in the other. He scrolled through reports, half-reading, half-listening to the sounds around him—the soft chatter of other patrons, the occasional bark of a dog, the rustling of leaves in the breeze.

Then, a voice behind him made him nearly drop his tablet.

“I see you’re still a workaholic.”

His heart clenched. He knew that voice.

Slowly, he turned around—and there you were.

You stood before him, looking different yet familiar. Your skin was sun-kissed, your hair slightly lighter, and your presence felt… freer. There was an ease in your posture, a confidence in your stance that hadn’t been there before.

For a moment, Bucky just stared, as if making sure you were real. Then, a small smile tugged at his lips.

“I don’t work as much as I used to,” he admitted.

You raised an eyebrow, smirking as you pulled out a chair and sat across from him. “Really? Who’s been keeping up with all your work, then?”

“My parents.”

That made you pause. “Your parents?”

He nodded, setting down his tablet. “Yeah. I finally faced it. The whole mess.”

And it had been a mess. For years, he had avoided confronting the real cause of his fears—his childhood. He thought that refusing to engage in relationships was an act of defiance, proof that he had broken free from his parents' toxic cycle. But in reality, he had been trapped just like them. Stuck in the same story, just playing a different role.

It wasn’t fair.

They had lived their lives—moving on, getting remarried, collecting younger lovers, burning through money—while he had been the one frozen in time, afraid to take a single step forward.

So he had done something drastic.

He had cut them off.

No more allowances, no more endless funds. Their luxurious lifestyles had been fueled by company profits, and Bucky had put an end to it.

“This company is not a charity,” he had told them. “You’ve used its assets to fund your lifestyles for too long. If I let this continue, we’ll go down in history as the first corporation to bankrupt itself paying alimony.”

His father had been furious. His mother had scoffed. But in the end, they had no choice. They had to start working.

They had been terrible parents. But, ironically, they turned out to be decent employees.

"Both of them have stopped acting childish," he said. His parents had also stopped playing the roles of sugar daddy and cougar. It turned out money was the solution.

Now, here he was, sitting across from the one person he had waited a year to see again.

"I fixed my relationship with my parents, especially my dad," you replied.

"That's good to hear," he responded.

After spending some time with your dad, you realized that without the rivalry, he's an easygoing person. You started contacting him daily.

“Why did you come back?” he asked, his voice quieter now. “Does this mean you don’t love me anymore?”

Your gaze softened. “No. I never stopped loving you.” You smiled, almost shyly. “I just had a feeling this time would be different.”

Bucky exhaled slowly, leaning back in his chair. “I see. So you’ve completed your self-discovery?”

You nodded. “Yeah.”

The conversation between you flowed effortlessly, lighter than it had ever been. You talked about your travels, the people you had met, and the experiences that had changed you. Bucky listened, occasionally throwing in a sarcastic remark or a teasing comment, making you laugh. It felt easy—natural.

Then, as if it were nothing, you casually said, “I broke my leg climbing down a mountain.”

“What?!” His eyes widened, panic flashing through them.

You laughed, waving a hand dismissively. “I’m fine. Some nuns from a nearby chapel helped me. They took care of me for a month.”

Bucky frowned, his mind racing. So that’s why you didn’t post an update for a month.

You nodded. “Yeah. They prayed for me.” Then, after a pause, you admitted, “I’ve never prayed before. But I started to. Admitting my anger, my sins… it made the weight feel lighter. I guess I’m sharing my burdens with God now.” You studied his reaction carefully. “Do you think I’ve turned into a religious freak?”

Bucky shook his head. “No. As long as you found peace.”

Silence settled between you, but it was a comfortable one.

Eventually, he cleared his throat. “Do you want something to drink?”

You grinned. “Yes.”

“Caramel Macchiato, hot, less sugar… right?”

You blinked, then gave him a thumbs-up. He smirked before getting up and heading toward the cashier.

When he returned, he placed the coffee in front of you, watching as you took a small sip.

Then you said, “On my way here, I passed by a cinema playing Interstellar.”

Bucky’s eyes flickered with interest. That was his favorite movie—the one he always watched when he had time alone.

“Really?”

“You interested?” You pulled out two tickets and held them up.

Bucky chuckled, shaking his head in amusement. “Let’s go.”

As you both walked side by side, he glanced at you.

“You know,” he said, “you could share your burdens with me too.”

You turned to him, your expression unreadable.

Was that… a proposal?

Bucky continued, his tone calm but firm. “We’ve known each other for two years. You left for one. And yet, you came back with the same feelings. And I waited a year for you to come back.”

Your heart pounded.

This time, it wasn’t just a contract. It wasn’t a transaction.

It was something real. Something earned.

And for the first time, you weren’t afraid of it.

This time, there was a difference between them.

Before, they had been trapped—chained to the past, repeating old patterns, clinging to wounds that refused to heal. They had mistaken their pain for identity, their fears for inevitability.

But now, they had changed.

Not because time had passed, but because they had made the choice to move forward.

They had faced their demons, made peace with their scars, and learned to let go. Bucky was no longer a man protesting love out of spite. And you were no longer someone running away to find yourself.

You had both found your own way—separately.

And yet, in the end, that path had led you back to each other.

-The End-

Epilogue:

Bucky suddenly remembered something. “I should call Grandpa to let him know you’re back.”

You chuckled. “Oh, I already met him when I landed. That’s how I knew where to find you.”

Bucky smiled and shook his head. Even after a year, you still cared about Tom.

After watching the movie, he will take you to meet Tom. His grandpa will welcome you with open arms and finally stop calling him an "idiot."

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[copperbadge]

as a youngin, following ur blog has eased a lot of my worries about getting older, participating in fandoms, and other things like that. plus there's cute cats and good food, what's not to love? :D thank u for sharing a bit of ur life with us!!

I'm so glad to hear it! We're in this kind of odd place where fandom is incredibly accessible, much more so than it ever has been previously, but that also means certain things get lost. When you're a young person in a small community that mostly exists in brickspace, you get to SEE your elders and interact with them -- the way you joined fandom prior to the internet was often tagging along with a parent, or an older person you met at a fandom event you happened to stumble across. I wouldn't go back to that for anything but I do think the sense of "I have elders, and someday I can be an elder" gets a little lost.

And also, you know...it's okay to drift a little from fandom too. When I was younger I struggled when I lost interest in one fandom and joined another because I was worried I'd lose the community I'd built, but now I know that within fandom even if you don't share a canon anymore, there are usually people who will stick with you, people you stick with too. I haven't actually had a fandom or posted fanfic in a couple of years but I think it's still very evident that it's my community, even if I'm not as active in many parts of it as I was. I'm still kind of adjusting to that, as well, but I'm a lot easier about it in my forties because of the learning I did about community in my twenties.

I want fandom to be a good place for you so I'm happy I can be a part of that! And your only job is, when you get to be my age, to do the same :)

[machetelettuce]

I've been working on an AU as of late. I doubt anyone will really care, but nonetheless I want to talk about it on here because I figure it'll be awhile before I get the comic I'm thinking of out anyways.

It's essentially the same as canon, with one deviation in the storyline. The Lamb, who is named Nolawi here, attempts to sacrifice themself to save Narinder multiple times. But see, the problem is that in the game, when you try to sacrifice yourself to Narinder... You can't. You're brought to the credits screen, yes, but you can continue your save just like normal. Theres no ending after you sacrifice yourself, you're just sent back in time. Nolawi essentially gets stuck in a time loop through this. The first few times, they're confused. They think theres a mistake, they must've been dreaming-- or something odd like that. They fully intend to sacrifice themself. They see it as their final decision, one that will free their benefactor and give them closure. They don't want to become a god. They are at peace with their standing. But the universe denies them. They cannot sacrifice themself. They are stuck in a loop of dying and coming back.

Eventually, the universe begins to shiver at their sheer determination. And by shiver, I mean crack. There's only so many times one can deny their own fate before the fates begin to doubt themselves. Nolawi is a stubborn lamb, and they won't let the world deny them their choice. After so long of doing this, the universe finally responds. The 'Mystic Seller' (or, 'weird physical manifestation of that above divinity' AKA 'the fucking universe itself') presents itself to Nolawi and offers them a deal. The Universe will return Narinder to the living world, he will be-- by all means-- freed. But Nolawi must give up their entire flock in return. Nolawi, as a name, means Shephard. It's a religious name, specifically one from Ethiopia, Nolawi-- or ኖላዊ is God who gave his life for his sheep (mankind). Thus, by accepting this deal, Nolawi betrays who they are as a person and as a god to their flock. They give up their flock as sacrifice for their own selfish wants-- rather then how it should be. Nolawi declines the request. Believing it to be asinine, and the Universe false. They are stubborn, they are the chosen vessel of he who waits, they can be persistent and wait for the Universe to crack as they continue to try and sacrifice themself to Narinder. ...But the Universe is endlessly more patient then a single Lamb. Who is, at this time, still just a vessel, and not a true god. Nolawi is playing with fate, and fate never loses. So eventually, they finally give in. And their entire flock is sacrificed, while Narinder and them are saved. Narinder is freed, as a god in his own right-- But lacking the same power he would've gained if Nolawi had been sacrificed. He is weak, and they are shattered. The Universe freed Narinder as a Bishop and not a Mortal on purpose. Think of it as a petty little 'fuck you' to Nolawi for keeping it waiting for so long. Because Narinder is not a Mortal, he cannot be a part of their flock. So they cannot recruit him.

What is a Shephard without a Flock? Nolawi finds this question a taunt. They're purposeless. They defied fate, yes, and they technically made their own choice AGAINST fate. But there is no victory for them. There is no justice. They are left at the hands of the world again with nothing. Only Narinder. They have a pretty damn unhealthy codependency here, especially because the Universe isn't willing to talk to a god who has no following. And they WILL die soon if they don't build their flock. So, they and Narinder are forced to work together for it. In all their toxicity.

I might elaborate upon this someday and I DO have a comic planned out for this AU, which is why I'm talking about it. I'd love to hear opinions or feedback. Thank you for reading, if you did! It means a lot.

[slaymitchabernathy]

Guilty as Charged

Soarynn Snow would never consider herself to be a rule-breaker.

Ever since she was a little girl, she’s always followed the rules, the directions, the instructions, the guidelines. She saw no point in deviating, not when it would only end in her having to fix her mistakes and work twice as hard.

It turns out that following the rules applies to the ones marriage as well. There are a lot of unspoken rules in marriage, what to do, what to say, how to act. Over the years she's gotten acquainted with them and has learned to live with them.

But the other day she broke one, and it wasn't an uspoken one. It was a very clear, very explicit rule, written in red, bold ink and underlined several times in case she tried to act like she didn't see it.

Even now she's walking on thin ice, waiting for the ball to drop, for her husband to call her out on it.

The days have gone by at a tortoruous pace and her neves have only grown bigger and bigger by each passing day. The worst part is, he hasn't mentioned it once, which is unusual for Coriolanus who loves to point out a fault the moment he notices it.

She quietly walks down the hallway towards the guest rooms, needing some more blankets when she hears his deep voice call out to her from his study as she passes by.

"Darling."

Maybe she didn't hear him.

"Soarynn, I know you heard me."

She bites her lip, she knew they'd talk about it eventually, but not now! Sheepishly, she turns on her heel, peering into his study with the deceny to look guilty, "Oh, were you calling me?"

He cocks his head, beckoning her into the room with the curl of his index and middle finger. Soarynn swallows, there's no turning back now. Being inside of her husband’s study is still strange even after all these years, it's so masculine, so dark, so him.

And he looks devilishly handsome right now sitting in his chair, legs spread, curls tussled, shirt slightly unbuttoned. "Mhm," he answers, not looking impressed by her little innocent act, "why don't you have a seat?" He points at the chair across from his desk which casues her to frown, she always sits on his lap, not a chair.

Why sit anywhere but Coriolanus Snow's lap if you don't have to?

It's pointless to argue so she nods, rounding the desk so she can take a seat. Soarynn smooths down her skirt, crossing her legs at the ankle like the proper lady she is and is known to be. Coriolanus clasps his hands in front of him, he doesn't look angry which is good, but he doesn't look thrilled which is bad.

He's right in the middle of uncharted territory.

Soarynn doesn't have a map.

"The bank statement came today," he announces, nodding at a single sheet of paper sitting on the desk. It’s creased from being folded into an envelope which makes her wish she was checking the mail everyday, she could have avoided this mess for a little longer if she intercepted the mail.

He would've found out eventually, Coriolanus always sniffs out the truth like a bloodhound. He despises liars which means she has to be honest with him, even if the truth hurts.

All she says is, "Oh."

A smirk grows across his lips, he's always loved making her nervous, getting her flustered and it's so easy with him. Coriolanus has always had this effect on her since their first date. He's just so charming, so suave, always knowing what to say to make her blush.

"Why don't you read it out loud for me?"

Soarynn sits up straighter in her chair, a good captain goes down with her ship, even if she's the reason it's sinking in the first place. "I'd rather not." His eyebrows shoot up, rarely does Soarynn ever push back on anything he says, there's no reason to. Coriolanus is far from unreasonable, and she knows he'd never do anything to intentionally hurt her.

"Alright then darling," he says with a sigh, reaching for the paper, "I'll read it for you."

Soarynn braces herself for the worst, for the lecture that's bound to come with this lesson. "Let's see, the water bill, the electric bill, bills from the veterinarian, bills from the doctor, bills from your hair salon, and oh, look at this one, an enormous bill from one of your favorite little department stores."

Soarynn gazes up at the ceiling, noting how their apartment is filled with intricate design choices including the carvings in the ceiling. Vines with roses look down on her, as if the entire Snow lineage is bearing witness to her ridicule.

"Soarynn."

She looks back across at him, "Yes?"

"Do you know how much you spent on the fourteenth?"

Soarynn bruhses her hair behind her ears, she really hadn't meant to go overboard, she never goes overboard! "I don't recall," she mumbles.

Coriolanus grunts, pulling open one of his desk drawers, pulling out that stupid little book where he writes down all their expenses. "Well, let me refresh your memory because I did some digging and made a few calls to you know, make sure someone hadn't stolen your banking card and gone on a shopping spree. And it looks like you spent six thousand over the budget. On clothes."

Oops.

"I thought it was five thousand," is all she has to say. He does not look impressed, "There's tax darling, there's always tax. And I know, I know that you probably never look at the price tags but I beg of you, start looking before you start swiping."

Soarynn truly hadn't meant to go this overboard, she's usually so good at staying within her shopping budget. Has she gotten very close to going over it? Yes, but no one's perfect!

"There was a sale!" She blurts out, leaning forward in her seat and he leans back in his, "There was a sale, and there were these shoes, so you know, I had to find an outfit to go with them," she contuines.

Coriolanus nods, "Of course you did darling."

"And then I saw this bag, oh the bag, I don't think I’ve showed it to you yet but you'll love it. Anyways, the bag was also on sale so I had to get it, then came the jewerly, and the sales woman was so helpful."

"The sales women robbed us," he states plainly, shaking his head, "the moment you walked into that store I'm sure her eyes lit up and she started picturing what she'd buy with the commission she was going to make off of you."

Soarynn twirls her hair around her finger, she can't help it if she shops at high-end stores that have exceptional service. He'd have a fit if he found out that his wife wasn't being properly taken care of.

"I didn't do it on purpose, you know I'd never spend your money so flippantly."

Coriolanus tosses that stupid book on his desk, Soarynn wishes it would catch on fire. "I know you wouldn't darling, and I also know that you'd never keep this from me or avoid telling me about it before I had to find out through the monthly bank statement."

These pesky bank statements will have to go.

"So, as a precautuion, I'm going to put a limit on your card, once you reach it, no more swiping."

Soarynn almost falls out of her chair.

"WHAT!?"

His face morphs from a calm look to a concerned look, "What, what do you mean a limit!? What if there's an emergency!? What if I get lost or need to buy something to keep me safe!?"

"New shoes don't count as an emergency," he points out, resting his forearms on the desk, "nor do handbags, or dresses, or even lingerie." She didn't think he'd go there but he did.

"But you love my lingerie," she mumbles, deciding that pouting might be the best route of action. Coriolanus softly chuckles, nodding his head, "I do love your lingerie darling," he agrees, "but the good thing about lingerie is that you can wear it more than once."

"Not when your husband rips it down the middle because he can't figure out the clasps," she fires back, earning her a sharp look. Soarynn slumps in her chair, she's lost this battle and her unlimited spending. All hope is lost.

"It's not like I'm cutting your spending budget in half," he points out, "it's still the same, the only difference is that once you reach it, you can't go over it. And if you need to buy something else, something that's actually important then all you have to do is ask."

Soarynn would rather die but she won’t say that.

A life with a limit, a budget is such a foreign concept to her. From the moment she met Coriolanus he's always given her everything she's wanted. If anything, this is his fault. He's spoiled her and now it's gone rotten.

"I thought we were rich."

Coriolanus rolls his eyes, it's pointless to bicker but he's always been good at humoring her. "We are rich, and I'd like to keep it that way, which means limits and budgets. Every family does this darling, every husband sits his wife down and tells her to slow down on the spending. Now I understand that this is partly my own doing, letting you spend to your hearts desire but you need to reel it back in."

Maybe she can go to the bank and talk to someone about lifting this limit. She is after all, Soarynn Snow and as Coriolanus Snow's wife, she's practically a celebrity.

From the moment he slipped that ring on her finger, doors literally opened for her. Everywhere she goes she's given the best service, champagne while shopping, someone to carry her bags to the car, complimentary caviar.

What did he expect?

Soarynn Snow doesn't do budgets.

"I could pawn my wedding ring," she tries getting her a snort. "Good luck with that," he tells her, "we both know that you'll spend what you make off of it before the sun sets."

Coriolanus is so fucking annoying when he's right.

Soarynn pushes herself to stand, now that the cats out of the bag so to speak, there's no reason for her to entertain him anymore. Unless he's willing to pay for the entertainment.

"You could always get a job," he offers which earns him a lethal glare from his wife. "I'd rather hang myself," she hisses, stomping out of his study with a worse mood than she came in here with.

"Thank you darling! I'm so glad we had this talk!"

Coriolanus Snow is going to be very sorry about this.

꧁ ꧂

The next three days are filled with nasty glares and short conversations.

Everything he says to her she answers with either: "Yes" or "No" which is saying a lot for a woman who normally likes to say a lot.

By the fourth day, Soarynn is summoned back to his study and this time, he looks pissed off. Good, she thinks, he deserves to feel bad about what he's done to her.

"You've been ingoring me, which is extremely childish and unattractive," he says matter-of-factly. Soarynn shrugs, two can play the game of pettiness, after all, it takes one to know one and it takes two to tango.

"Soarynn, you act like I cut your banking card into a million pieces."

She folds her arms across her chest, her feelings will not be diminished, and neither will her pink banking card. "You might as well have," she snaps, "no point in using it now."

"Ignoring me will not solve your problem."

Soarynn grins, she's well aware thay giving him the cold shoulder won't help her cause, but she's not even trying to get this limit lifted, no, she's in it for the fun of the game.

"I know," she says sweetly, "but it does make you angry, which is priceless."

The veins in his throat bulge and his nostrils flare. Coriolanus, although he would never admit it, has a very short temper and after almost ten years of being together, Soarynn knows exactly how to light it.

He needs physcial touch, craves it from her so whenever she witholds it from him, he damn near loses his mind.

"You do realize that you are the one in the wrong, correct? You went over our budget, our shared budget. Do you know how hard it is to go over that?"

Soarynn tilts her head because she hadn't even thought of it like that. He made it seem like it was all her fault, but once again, it takes two to tango.

"Let me see the bank statement again," she requests, ignoring how surprised he looks. Soarynn usually avoids that piece of paper at all costs since it tells him exactly how much she costs but now she's curious. He always brings up her spending but never mentions his.

And Coriolanus Snow has very expensive taste.

He rummages through his drawer and brandishes the sheet of paper, handing it over to her and Soarynn scans over all the numbers printed over the page. It's entirely overwhelming, so thank goodness Coriolanus handles their finances because she would never do this willingly.

But he's always been obsessed with money, always wanting more of it. He thrives on stuff like this.

At the top are the largest charges, the utility bills, the rent. Boring, boring, boring.

Then she sees where she went on her little shopping spree, money well spent in her opinion and right under that charge, is another one, for a men's department store.

Soarynn's eyes light up at the sight of it.

Looks like Coriolanus did a little shopping on his lunch break.

"Oh, oh I think you neglected to mention that you also went on a little shopping trip," she says, scanning over more charges, "in fact, you've gone on a lot of little trips. Trips to the bars, to resturaunts, goodness Coryo, you sure are expensive. Why don't you ever read your charges out loud when we go over the monthly expenses?"

When she looks up form the paper she's met with a most enticing sight. Coriolanus squirming in his seat, looking very uncomfortable at the moment. "Well, well I know where I've been, what I've spent, I keep tabs on myself," he gets out, scratching the back of his neck, "I don't want to bore you with the details."

"Well I find this information to be very intersting," she informs him, "it looks like we both have expensive taste!”

He pulls at the collar of his shirt, all these years he's droned on and on about the importance of spending money wisley and here he is, spending money unwisely.

"Why don't I lift that limit on your card?" He asks, offering her a smile, "I mean, I acted a bit rashly, don't you think?"

Ah, sweet, sweet victory.

Soarynn sets the paper back on his desk, it's served it's purpose.

"Yes, and I expect an apology, from the heart. Since you've wounded mine."

She's milking it at this point but it's not every day that Coriolanus Snow eats his own words and gets a taste of his own medicine. Coriolanus is a proud man, never backing down from a fight, unless it's with his wife. He's tried to argue with her in the past and it's never ended well for him.

"Come sit in my lap," he says first, reaching out to her. Soarynn smirks, he's desperate for physical affection after these three days of getting the silent treatment. He likes to act all big and bad until he needs cuddles at night before bedtime.

So she humors him, gracefully rising from her seat so she can sit in his lap. It's cute how quickly he grabs her by the waist, instantly pulling her down onto his lap, gronaing at the feeling of her on top of him again.

"Your heartfelt apology," she reminds him, resting a hand on his cheek. Coriolanus swallows, he looks good when he's on thin ice with her, wide-eyed and nervous. No wonder he likes the same look when it's on her.

"Right," his voice is scratchy, "darling, my darling girl, the love of my life. I am so, so sorry that I withheld this informaton from you and put a limit on your spending. You've always been so good about spending and the one time you weren't, I overreacted."

Soarynn nods, doing her best not to look entirely smug about this fantastic victory. She got him to apologize and lift her budget.

Stranger things have happened but still.

“I accept your apology,” she tells him with a haughty tone, “although I don’t appreciate you hiding your own spending habits from me. For now on, you’ll read aloud all of the charges, not just mine.”

Perhaps this will cause a shift in his excitement for going over their bank statement. It’s very inconvenient, no one wants to learn about how much money they’ve spent in a month but this will hopefully reel Coriolanus back in.

He replies without hesitation, eager to put this little mishap behind them and preferably, her under him to make up for lost time, “I agree entirely, it’s a two person job from now on.”

Soarynn smiles now that all is well and more importantly, her spending limit has been lifted. Truly, the past few days have been torturous for her, every swipe of her card has been chipping away at her soul.

Soarynn can’t help it if she likes nice, shiny, expensive things.

“I just can’t believe you didn’t think I’d catch on to your spending,” she teases with a giggle when his cheeks turn pink, “I mean honestly Coryo, it was bound to catch up to you eventually.”

Coriolanus shrugs, probably glad to be rid of his little secret. It’s a little embarrassing how long it took for her to notice his lapse of mentioning his purchases but never late than never she supposed.

“What you didn’t know didn’t hurt you darling,” he points out, kissing her cheek. Soarynn closes her eyes at the sensation of his lips on her, while her spending has been limited, so have their moment together and it’s nice to be back to normal again.

“You’re so sneaky, you really do need to always have full control don’t you?” She asks in an amused tone. Coriolanus has always craved control since the day she met him, always needing to dictate every situation which includes their budget.

Coriolanus doesn’t even look ashamed, in fact, he looks proud and picks up the folded bank statement so they can both read all the charges and he grins at her.

“Guilty as charged.”

| tumblr oneshot/drabble |

| taglist: @lovelylove268 @strawberriicakes @kickmybark @wonderlandbound111 @matcha-muses @melodyoflovee @thevoicesinmyprettylittlehead @erensrealgf @cervvsq @snowgirl12 |

[your-turn-to-role]

if it helps at all (reblogging directly from you starry bc can't tag you) - as someone who gave up on it pretty early on bc it wasn't really my thing, i have been wanting to look up more positive opinions on the campaign recently, i've just been really busy so haven't had time to respond to anything but what's on my dash, which yeah is a lot of critique, and with what i do know there's definitely stuff i'm not a fan of, sure

but also like. the critical role cast aren't some corporation just trying to squeeze money out of this show, like a lot of the things c3 has been compared to are

while they could have, in retrospect, probably made better decisions to really pull off whatever they were going for, they're also playing the game that makes them happiest (and they're putting it all online for free it's not like they're obligated to follow the fans' ideas of what should happen)

if you enjoyed it all start to finish, you're honestly a perspective i'd like to see round tumblr more! you're seeing what the cast see in this narrative and that definitely doesn't make you wrong or stupid. if there was no value in this story whatsoever they would have stopped a long time ago

as megs said, being able to articulate an opinion well doesn't make it objective truth. god knows i can pull out a million references for any of my essays but when i write them it's always gonna be me shining light on a specific angle of the narrative that appeals to me. other people can choose to pick a different angle and still be just as right, regardless of whether or not it's something i personally would enjoy looking at. and that's even more true in a fandom like this, where every narrative is in fact 7+ narratives that we hope will weave together well, and there's a million things to focus on that haven't all been handpicked by the creators for the sake of telling a singular story

if you're seeing an angle a lot of people aren't focusing on, hell, celebrate that! i love hearing about the moments that genuinely appealed to people, it just feels like there's been fewer and fewer of them focused on bells hells the longer the story went on. but i've also been in fandoms where i truly genuinely enjoyed the ending of a particular story and thought it was well told the whole way through, and then it turned out 99% of the fandom thought the ending was rushed and it ruined the whole thing, so i definitely get how that can feel a bit crushing and like you're fighting a tidal wave

(and hell to your tags about being worried c3 will become an automatic skip in the fandom - i also really love a lot of the c1 episodes before ep24 and think there's some great character stuff there that a lot of people skip bc orion or because the briarwood arc is where it gets 'good', so im with you on that one. it sucks but it doesn't mean i can't talk about, say, trial of the take, there still are and always will be people in the fandom who've watched it, and there will be even more people who didn't watch it but are glad to find out what's in it because they couldn't find out themselves)

so yeah all to say if you ever wanted to write about c3 stuff you loved, im on your side here

if you're just sad that the fandom reaction to stuff you liked has been overwhelmingly negative, that's also fine, and doesn't make you any less a valued member of this fandom

idk I kind of feel like I'm an idiot bc I actually enjoyed cr 3 from the jump to the end but like the blogs who follow bc I feel they are definitely more articulate and insightful than me are like "the whole thing was meaningless and pointless! matt fumbled everything!" so maybe I'm wrong to have liked it all? I'm not really sure where I'm going with this sorry

I think one thing to keep in mind is that many (and in fact, I would argue, most!) people who are critiquing the story and construction have also generally enjoyed the campaign as a whole! Certainly I don't know anyone who stuck it out through the end who did not overall enjoy watching it, for various reasons; I know there are people who hate watch, which I think is an absurd and honestly really stupid waste of time, but from my experience they are normally making snide and vicious tweet-length posts rather than long considerations of what isn't working for them.

There are also a lot of levels of critique—I've greatly enjoyed a lot of moments in isolation that I simultaneously felt weakened, contradicted, or even actively undermined the structure of the story as a whole, but those moments were still really fun and interesting beats. The Arch Heart's cameo comes to mind, as does, in hindsight, some of the construction of the post-Solstice split, but there are plenty of others of higher or lower impact on the story. In the finale the Raise Dead falls into this place very strongly, so I'm going to talk about it at length for a moment, since it was an absolutely stellar moment for me personally and as such I do think it serves as very illustrative of an example where I simultaneously fucking love a moment while finding it worth significant critique. I think it also touches on the critiques you're referring to, which I would summarize overall as the idea that many of the outcomes feel influenced negatively by pulled punches on the part of the DM rather than a flaw of one player or another. (Also, I want to talk about it cuz I love it. :3) This got very long but I think that to your point, it is worth examining in this amount of depth.

First, the good: it is an absolutely phenomenal culminating point of an arc that was only really concluded in summary; I have, as noted earlier this week, written at length about how Essek is never situated as a protagonist, which is functionally fine and even good. He ends up tied very strongly to Caleb's arc, and moves in the narrative in such a way after 2x97 that allows Caleb to reach a concluding note, and strengthens that narrative. So we only really hear about the outcome of Essek's choices, his inevitable leave from the Dynasty, in the summarization of the campaign 2 epilogue. This is not inherently a problem, because he is not a protagonist. But this moment does functionally create a material representation of that denouement, which does strengthen his arc in its own right.

This moment also, hilariously, bears out my argument from this post. That the resurrection should only work with this intervention, particularly while the Nein are involved, does follow through on the Nein's general positioning within Exandria. Essek's leave happening without a fight (and, frankly, with only one attempted Counterspell) both makes for a very well-paced moment and also maintains the overall sense of story that the Nein impart when they are on screen; I'm thinking again of how their Ruidus episodes feel, much like their campaign and their post-campaign one-shots, like an intrigue action thriller series, and this fits well in that framing.

So overall, it is a fantastic moment... for the Nein. The Nein are not the protagonists of this story. They exist in the world, and are such active agents that they do continue to develop and exert motion on the narrative into this campaign, and frankly, I think this would have been fine if the party given ownership of this story and campaign did not abdicate their responsibility for it with unfortunate frequency. They do not exert a strong control over their story, which is at odds with the fact that the Nein do, and are present and also involved by the nature of their ending. It completely overshadows Ashton's heroic moment, in that the culminating action beat of this sequence is Essek getting away, which kind of takes the wind out of the sails of the Hells' involvement in the gods' outcome. It doesn't negate it, certainly, but it does refocus the story from them to, for some reason, Essek. So in this sense, it occurs at the expense of the Hells.

I find that while the handwaving of using dunamantic intervention to push Raise Dead beyond its limits (if indeed the reason it didn't originally work was because Ashton's brain was essentially gone) fits fine and even well within the framework of the Nein's story, and an NPC being able to do so without a roll is fine, since NPCs are vehicles the DM uses to guide the story, this is a significant divergence from the overall mechanics of the world at large; even the Nein had to do a full ritual for the resurrection of their tiefling. Matt put those mechanics in place specifically to create narrative meaning behind resurrections, which can feel very unmotivated and like a get out of jail free card in D&D, and while it's been noted that this would've really strained the runtime beyond its existing length, prioritizing it at the cost of, for instance, more truncated end notes for the Nein and Vox would've bolstered the Hells' presence in an ending to their own story that even many of their fans felt was ultimately lacking.

Giving the resurrection full weight would've also given Ashton's sacrifice and the Hells' involvement more narrative weight; the reason the other parties are involved at all is because the Hells were truly running on fumes by that point, but any lack of involvement this created could've been alleviated by having them directly involved through pre-established ritual elements that are not contingent on them having any mechanical offerings. So this moment sits within the context of critique that I agree with: that it felt like a pulled punch that ultimately also served to decenter the Hells within their own narrative, when it could've been used with more deliberate narrative force.

At the same time, I fucking love it, and watched it four times in a row yesterday, because it is so good—and it is, as I described, narratively and thematically coherent in one sense! And I think that is one issue of the campaign: many, many great moments are excellent and coherent in a certain framework but are weaker to varying degrees when considered as one piece of a larger whole. There are so many frameworks at play in this narrative, and not enough direct intervention to manage those as frameworks rather than as a single story, but at the same time, I think those frameworks are far more apparent if you're really looking for them, and that's much more difficult, if not impossible, when you're in the midst of them and telling the story.

I also don't think this means one cannot critique this; in fact, I would say this is more an issue of being a serialized narrative than an improvised one, which is often how critique of it has been pushed back against within the fandom. I was thinking about this as I'm currently in a course on, quite literally, how to critique comics, and we discussed this week how Marjane Satrapi said in an interview after making the film adaptation of Persepolis, which was first a serialized comic, that she ended up preferring the film, and I speculated that was because with a film, one has the ability to make a more cohesive narrative purely by virtue of the fact that with a serialized form, you cannot go back and make retroactive edits when no developments come to light. This is something that long-running comics must constantly navigate (as do many long TV shows), and in extreme circumstances such as decades-old comic franchises, ends up resulting in infinite timelines and hand-waving, which becomes so ridiculous that at this point it's a meme. In that scenario, though, it is not presented as a non-contradictory story, let alone a cohesive one.

Many of the critiques of campaign 3 are operating within the idea that this is presented as one overarching narrative. (And honestly, comics and other narratives that don't utilize that presentation are also still critiqued on that merit by people who greatly enjoy the texts they're critiquing anyway.) Within that context, I feel that the framing of the Raise Dead, as well as much of what would be my critique of the other pieces I referenced (the Arch Heart's cameo and some of the party-split sections) if I was to do the same kind of rundown of those, actively undermine this presentation by introducing and forefronting too many conflicting frameworks that are not interwoven well enough to create a single, cohesive overarching narrative.

This is a very long-winded way to illustrate my point, which is that I would really encourage reading critique not as a lack of enjoyment of the campaign, let alone a suggestion that no one should've enjoyed it (and if you did, then you're not smart enough to know better), but as a way to engage with the text(s) as presented within one framework or another. I think this is sometimes obscured in online fandom spaces, where we're not engaging in critique in as formal of a sense as one would in, say, an academic setting, where the norms generally dictate the framework one is using is explicitly stated if not fully delineated within the critique, but it is, more often than not, still implicitly present within the critique.

And as a final note, I would also really urge everyone reading others' opinions on something they enjoy to resist the urge to elide their own opinions from the conversation, even if you don't feel as articulate or as well-versed in critique. Critique is a trained skill, so it is certainly something one can pick up if they are inclined, and at the same time, someone doing it does not mean they are inherently right—and in fact, with all argumentative writing, it is up to the reader to consider the argument and decide whether or not they agree with it. (You can decide that you disagree with me about the Raise Dead! Just because I wrote a thousand words on it does not inherently make my interpretation truth; it's just an interpretation. You get to say whether or not you think my interpretation makes sense based on the evidence presented.) Even here I'm using the framework of some critique that others have made, but I don't delineate in full myself. In doing do I'm not presuming that you agree, but I am presuming that you've read it and know what I'm referring to. Strictly speaking it's also not even saying that I take that critique as true; it's saying that I feel the conclusions drawn are applicable as a basis for my argument. If you wanted, you could even say that you feel that my argument is irrelevant to you because you don't feel those critiques are true! But you ultimately do have to be the one to decide any of that, which does involve a balance between a confidence in the formation of your own opinions on the text and an openness to entertaining others'.

[bwat5-blog]

Saying Goodbye: Arcane's Songs Of Grief

**Spoilers For Arcane**

Working on a Jinx post the other day it occurred to me I'd never really delved too much into the music even though it is SO IMPORTANT to the story. This is less critical analysis and more just something that interested me so if you don't care I don't blame you! But I get something out of it every time I get to spend time thinking on and digging into this show, so maybe you will to. This won't be too long as quite honestly I feel that-

A: These are fairly self-explanatory

B: I don't have the mind for lyric/poetry analysis and never have

1. Vi's world falling apart

Goodbye: song by Arcane, Ramsey, and Riot Games Music Team ‧ 2021

So this is the song that plays at the end of season 1 act 1 when we were all collectively saying something to the tune of "OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!?"

It was a beautiful and tragic moment in the show and seriously set the tone for the rest of the story. I see this song as Vi's perspective as her world is completely falling apart around her.

Vander is dead

Mylo & Claggor are dead

Her possible last interaction ever with her little sister was deeply traumatic for the both of them, leaving her with crushing guilt over her loss of control and hurting Powder

She has literally been kidnapped and imprisoned in an adult prison without cause or trial (there is no pit of hell deep enough for you Marcus)

"I can hear the sound of a heartbeat before it goes out Won't ever leave my memory of bloodshed all around, And I can see a tear on my father's face before it falls out" :

Vi is hearing Vander die and telling us she won't ever be able to shake the memory of all this death and pain. And that comes back around unfortunately...

"Oh, my enemy, how could I have ever let you down?

Oh When all these trees saw us grow Cut our teeth and make our bones right here We'd play with shields made of stone Share our dreams and sit our thrones":

I see this as all about Powder/Jinx and Vi's crushing guilt over how they were parted. The trees watching them grow and the place where they played and dreamed of better days clearly being Zaun. But the line that is so indicative of Vi's trauma here is "how could I have ever let you down". As her guilt over how things happened will go to impact the course of her entire life.

"Be still, 'cause I see smoke up ahead and I got steel in my hands We will return like warriors, I swear, that we'll find glory up ahead Tell me

Where is my home? I don't recognize the faces anymore, no Where is my friend? The one I've known since I was only just a kid

I think it's time to say goodbye Goodbye, goodbye Goodbye, goodbye, woah":

This entire last section speaks to Vi's future when she returns to Zaun. Her entire world has changed. Powder has become Jinx. Ekko is a rebel leader and a warrior. The demon (don't yell at me Silco people I'm talking Vi's POV) who took her entire world away from her sits in her father's house. And when Vi returns she returns with fury and steel aiming to reclaim what she lost. Until she has no choice but to admit the world she knew is gone. Which takes us into our next song.

2. Jinx loses everyone

What Could Have Been: Song by Ray Chen and Sting ‧ 2021

I'd call this the song that captured the world's attention from Arcane. I mean having Sting alone was huge but this whole sequence was once again so beautiful and horrifying at the same time. Vi spends the whole show trying to get through to Jinx up until this point and you want to believe she is going to pull it off. Jinx is recognizing what Silco took from them, and the Council is starting the vote for Zaunite independence.

But it all falls apart. Silco is dead, and Jinx feels like Vi cannot love her anymore and feels rejected by her after everything that has happened. And this song begins, taking us into Jinx's POV as she lashes out in this moment of terrible grief and loss and angry. I'm not going to do the lyrics for this one like I did above because they are all pretty clear and direct. As Jinx makes the long walk to her destiny and fires the weapon that will destroy her people's chance at independence, she is telling Vi, Silco and the world how they have wronged her.

But the trick with Jinx is to remember she is an unreliable narrator. So when we are with her in this moment seeing it through her eyes we have to remember we cannot take everything at face value. So even though throughout the show we have seen Vi's guilt over what Jinx has become driving her, and after Silco's death Jinx essentially seems to blame Vi for what follows because she cannot "love her like she used to" because they are different. Where does that missile actually go?

I am the monster you created You ripped out all my parts And worst of all, for me to live, I gotta kill the part of me that saw That I needed you more

I hope you know we had everything And you broke me and left these pieces I want you to hurt like you hurt me today and I want you to lose like I lose when I play what could have been Oh, what could have been

Why don't you love who I am? What we could have been

I am your ghost, a fallen angel You ripped out all my parts I couldn't care what invention you made me 'Cause I, I was meant to be yours

I hope you know we had everything And you broke me and left these pieces I want you to hurt like you hurt me today and I want you to lose like I lose when I play

I want you to hurt like you hurt me today and I want you to lose like I lose when I play What could have been

3. Death touches Caitlyn Kiramman

I Can't Hear It Now: Song by Arcane, Freya Ridings, and League of Legends ‧ 2024

This song takes us into Caitlyn Kiramman's POV as she is plunged into the darkness of her mothers death at the hands of Jinx. Once again visually and musically it is a stunning moment. There is a notable difference to this one compared to the other two that I wanted to mention.

Vi's song-"Be still, cause I see smoke up ahead and I got steel in my hands, We will return like warriors, I swear, that we'll find glory up ahead Tell me"

Even with all of the loss and grief and pain in the rest of the lyrics there is a moment of hope. A promise of justice and righteous return

Jinx's song- "I want you to hurt like you hurt me today and I want you to lose like I lose when I play What could have been"

Full of anger and blame and hurt . Nothing positive but A LOT of emotion.

Now let's look at Caitlyn's lyrics:

There is an ocean so dark down below the waves Where you watch while these dreams gently float away And there is a silence so soft it's only memory Like the way your voice always sounds when you sing to me

But I can't hear it now Just tell me how to keep breathing while pretending I'm not drowning I don't know if I could I watched the door close for good 'Cause I couldn't keep it open

I just watched as the door closed for good 'Cause I couldn't keep it open

Just tell me how to keep breathing while pretending I'm not drowning I don't know if I could I watched the door close for good 'Cause I couldn't keep it open

Vi and Jinx are full of emotion and pain and loss but they are expressing it, even if it is misguided or negative. Caitlyn is drowning in her grief but trying to force herself to keep going and failing, and blames herself.

"But I can't hear it now ,Just tell me how to keep breathing while pretending I'm not drowning"-

Caitlyn so badly wants to hear her mother's voice again but she cannot. And she is trying to go on, be the new head of her house, testify before the council and everything else while maintaining her composure when inside she is completely and utterly destroyed. I mean for gods sake, revisit the moment she finally is alone with the person she can show vulnerability with:

it's like she barely makes it to Vi before her legs give out...

"I watched the door close for good 'Cause I couldn't keep it open"-

These are the last words of her goodbye to her mother. Not a lament of how the world is changed and she has to say goodbye. Not an angry accusation at those who wronged her. But blaming herself...

Conclusion:

Anyway! I hope you get something out of this. I did by writing it. I love the music of this show, and as a life-long band nerd and music lover seeing a show weave it's music into the storytelling in such an original way was truly special to me. Thank you for reading and take care!

[pynkhues]

Another fanfic writer got ran out of the fandom this weekend because of a 'guilty by association' harassment campaign. She wrote fic of Loustat switching and having a very Canonverse relationship, and a teenager started insulting her writing and inciting harassment by others until she quit writing. The allegation was she was mutuals with someone else who was assumed to be racist, which is flimsy enough, but the real reason was obviously that she wrote popular, beloved fics that did not subscribe to the Hypermasculine Daddy Lestat and Hyperfeminine Housewife Louis Fanon.

This fandom is a horrible place and I am so glad you're still with us and haven't let these people bully you into silence, Sophie. It's so awful.

I'm really, really sorry to hear that, anon. Can I ask who the author is? I'd like to have a look and maybe send them a message or a comment if I can. Hopefully they might be a bit like me though and come back after giving themselves some time and buffer.

It's all pretty hideous behaviour though, and mm - - okay, you know. It's been a few weeks since it all went down with me now, and I've had a lot of people reach out very kindly in DMs, and also had to have y'know, I guess I'd say offbeat, haha, and awkward and heavy conversations with people in my real life, both personally and professionally (although I will say it's kind of been a relief, and half my family has already turned it into a running joke. My mum, who was the first person I told, watched Disclaimer after I recommended it to her, and she keeps texting me photos of the Kevin Kline stalker character with 'your erotic fanfiction haters' and asking me if I'm sure I didn't kill somebody's son, lmao), but I've been thinking about it all a lot, and - - yeah.

Look, this is going to sound off topic, but bear with me for a minute, alright? Over the last two weeks, purely by coincidence, I listened to the Behind the Bastards episodes on Rush Limbaugh. I love that podcast in general, and those two episodes are fascinating, and really worth listening to if you're at all interested in the media landscape's pivot to the right in the last few years. They really explore who he is as a person, his ascent in radio, how he managed that ascent, and the space he created in media which would after him be filled by Fox News, Tucker Carlson, Joe Rogan,et al.

One of the ways that he did this was by being loud, but also presenting himself as trustworthy, and really the only person anyone needed to listen to. He was a smart guy, anyway, anyone could hear that, and if people listened to him, they'd be smart too. One of the first majorly successful runs of this was his campaign against the show Murphy Brown, which is about a woman who is a single mother and a lawyer, successful, bright, and who interacts with a lot of gay people in different capacities in her every day life. Murphy Brown is famous for being one of the first shows to normalise both successful single motherhood, and LGBTQI+ people as varied members of our communities.

Now, Limbaugh positioned the show as offensive, and anyone who liked it as morally wrong, but more than that, he positioned his opinion as the only right one, and he would actively tell people not only to not watch the show, but to not engage with anyone who might have an opinion of it that wasn't his own. He did this by telling people they would be stupid, or 'missing something' if they didn't follow his obvious intellect, that they didn't need to think about it themselves, because he would do the thinking for them, Smart Person That He Was.

And so I'm like, y'know, listening to the podcast on my commute to work, and I just kind of think - - huh. Because it's kind of familiar, right? And I got thinking about how all those people were reblogging my 'vile anti black post' and telling all their followers to block me, thus trying to control their followers ability to see my posts, and presumably the posts of others, since they seem to do that a bit, and then I noticed that those same people trying to ensure everyone blocked me.....didn't block me themselves. And it suddenly just clicked into place.

Fascist rhetoric has come to fandom. Per the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

In simplest terms, fascism refers to a specific way of organizing a society: under fascism, a government ruled by a dictator controls the lives of the people in that society, and allows no dissent or disagreement. 

Fascism is more than just political, it's a philosphy and a mindset. Rush Limbaugh was a media figure, and he was a fascist, and interestingly - importantly - he did not believe in most of what he said. What he wanted was power, success, control, an audience, and to dictate the rhetoric in the media landscape because that granted him that power, success, control, and audience.

And look, I'm not saying these people attacking others with different opinions in the fandom are fascists, but they're using a fascist playbook. Their criticisms, harassment campaigns, threats to dox, actual doxxing, threats to not only involve but criminally endanger children (which I have since learnt my nephews were not the first target of - someone in this fandom who I won't name reached out to tell me they'd similarly threatened to send things to her children) (also I've seen posts that the people who initially were vocally strawmanning my arguments wouldn't do that, and sure, maybe they wouldn't, but all I can say is that if I knew members of my own corner of the fandom were threatening to find and send porn to any minor, let alone children as young as 7, I would be loudly and outspokenly condemning it), and attempts to suppress anything they don't agree with, is fascist behaviour.

They are allowing no dissent, no disagreement, and actively interfering with people's real lives to achieve that.

I don't think this will make any difference to them, I think some might not know what they're doing, but I think a lot do at this point, and I guess what I want to do in this post is just to share what I personally think that it is, and I guess - - mm, not offer words of advice exactly, but perhaps offer some gentle encouragement. I'd encourage anyone in this fandom - hell, everyone in life right now, given the state of things - to approach anyone who tells you there is only one way to create, only one way to enjoy something, or interpret something, or only a select group of people that you should listen to, with caution at the very least.

Fandom - again, hell, community - has always, to me, been about encouraging others to explore and engage with it on their own terms. Diversity of opinion is good, it's healthy, different takes on characters should be exciting, different iterations in fanart and fanfiction is a celebration of the fact that we bring our own stories to, well, stories, and anyone telling you who you should or shouldn't engage with without having a healthy, equal conversation about why you shouldn't engage with them, should be given respectful, reasonable doubt.

Anyway, I'm sure this'll piss people off again, but y'know, I don't really care about them at this point. I think their behaviour is ugly, antithetical to what fandom has always been about, and frankly, I think it's antisocial. I do care about you guys though, and I don't know. I hope this perhaps sheds a little bit of light for you in the same way that I felt it shed a little bit of light for me, or at least makes you think a little bit more broadly about what this desire to control is a part of, and how to engage (or rather, not) with it. But more than anything, I hope that author's okay, and that they've made friends in this fandom like I have who can offer their support.

[khaoala]

Hi, sorry for making my problem your problem, but I'm feeling a little low for a variety of reasons, including the fact that, despite my best blocking skills, I still haven't been able to fully avoid the ppl throwing shade at KB/FK's impact (or lack thereof according to them) in THK (seriously, feels like I'm unwillingly stuck in an endless game of whac-a-mole just with bad takes/poor fandom etiquette!). So I thought I'd try and take my mind off it by sending you an extremely self-indulgent ask! As an FK fan extraordinaire (and one of my fave giffers btw), what are your:

favourite scenes from each of their shows?

favourite FK moments from real life?

hopes and dreams for THK finale?

hopes and dreams for the Holy Grail of FK shows? E.g. ideal plot or genre, relationship dynamic, supporting cast, director, etc.

And now for the harder questions! Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to convert an unbeliever into an FK stan (of them as both separate actors and as a pairing). You can only pick ONE scene from their entire repertoire for each category. Go!

best acting from First

best acting from Khao

best acting from FK as a pairing

best demonstration of FK's chemistry

best kiss (aesthetics+characterisation+emotion+context+whatever other criteria you choose!)

I eagerly await your answers! (but obvs you're under no obligation to respond - tbh, even just forming the ask has helped lighten my mood! Feel free to ignore or to throw it over to someone else if you'd rather, or even if there's anyone else you think would be interested in contributing - I just enjoy hearing other ppl's 'FK as Acteurs' highlights! Someone gushing about my faves = instant serotonin boost!)

In return (and as tribute to your new handle), I offer you this, imo, grossly overlooked example of Khao pulling his signature Khaoala move: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GhSzVQvX0AAm7mh?format=jpg&name=900x900 ...😉

i'm sorry about that, anon. curating your online bubble can be a lot of work and it's not always 100% and i'm sorry you're getting stressed bc of that. i'm not sure if you're going to the tags on either twitter or tumblr, but i'd recommend you stay away of those. twitter is a bit more difficult, but once you get your little bubble things get better but for tumblr, if you're just looking for pretty edits like the ones fandom provides, i'd recommend checking only the thkedit tag. it's a lot better than dealing with the trolls with poor fandom etiquette. i hope you find a space you feel more comfortable and welcomed, anon, i know i say this often, but fandom spaces are supposed to give you relief and not headaches.

you didn't even ask for advice and i'm already rambling, i'm so sorry, but to your questions which were such a delight to receive (you have no idea how happy i felt for being called a fk fan extraordinaire and to know i'm one of your favorite giffers. i love to know people like the things i do, it does wonders to my self-esteem).

ATTENTION!

this is a nearly 2000 word-vomit reply where i talk in length about my favorite topic of the last couple of years, firstkhaotung. i'm sorry for not being able to be concise. pls have the picture the anon sent as their favorite khaoala moment which i must agree, is extremely underrated, as a form of apology.

1.favourite scenes from each of their shows? (i'll just pick the ones they were paired together bc you know, there's a lot)

the eclipse - akkayan's first kiss in akk's room. that scene is so important to them, and also to me. the way ayan was so careful with akk, he took his time, gave akk room to assess the situation, back away if he wanted to. how softly he spoke to akk and how scared akk was of all of that. that scene was beautiful beautiful beautiful and so well acted, too.

moonlight chicken - listen, i know they only have three scenes, but they are all very important to me, alright? with that being said, the scene in alan's office. alan is smiling like gaipa hung the stars in the sky with his bare hands and it's full sunshine mode, and first's smile is so beautiful, and he's flirty, gaipa is oblivious, it's just so sweet. they are healing and that's amazing.

only friends - the fight in sand's apartment. though the therapy scene is just as amazing, i feel like the apartment fight has so much impact. the way sand was collected the whole time and only allowed himself to break down once ray was out of earshot. and how ray was so distraught by the idea of the one person he thought he could trust betraying him, it was awful. it makes me teary to this day.

the heart killers - the scene at the beach in ep. 8. thank you first for adding a whole monologue to this scene. i can totally understand why that's his favorite. the tiredness, the desolation, they are both so exhausted and bison doesn't want to fight anymore and he's angry, but he loves kant, and kant doesn't want to lie to bison and wants him to know that. it's beautifully acted. i stayed on that scene for days. it made my heart hurt so good.

2. favourite FK moments from real life?

i have too many that i suddenly forgot as soon as i read this question, so at some point i might even add to this when i remember. but the one i can think about right now was when they were on arm's share for first's birthday and khaotung's wish for first in the upcoming year was: "as you grow, you might find more people, but if you do, let them go, stay only with me instead."

3. hopes and dreams for THK finale?

i do hope for a wedding. i didn't want a double wedding bc i find them so tacky, but with the recent talks with fadelstyle + style's dad, that might be where they are going IF they are even going to have one. as you might have noticed, i'm not stressed about the finale. i think they'll have time enough to access the most urgent matters (gay sex in prison) and with fadelbison spending their time locked up, they'll have all the room to live normal lives like they wished. bison talked about assassins not being able to have a home, family and a lover so i hope they get all of that and more.

4. hopes and dreams for the Holy Grail of FK shows? E.g. ideal plot or genre, relationship dynamic, supporting cast, director, etc.

oh man, i'd love for them to work with the women in gmm, first of all. and i know i had a talk about gl people hating men (with reason in some cases) but gmm loves to experiment with them, so pls let them act with namtanfilm (these four in a show would make my brain stupid happy). sarah pitched an idea that was very similar to the one i had in my head, though hers have first and film as siblings, but the premise would be the same. one trying to help the other approach their crushes. it's silly, slice of life, light comedy stuff which i know they can pull off just as well as the heavy drama stuff.

i'd also love to see them in a show a la sammon with the thriller and investigation vibes. but i'm no fanfic writer and i'm happy with most plots i'm given and if it's them, i know it'll be well-acted.

as for directors, p'aof is the pick for most bl stans, and i agree, i hope they get the chance to work with him again, and have fk as the mains this time. i'd love to see them work with p'nuchy as well, from not me, or the director of be my favorite and who's going to direct joongdunk's and skynani's shows this year. he's amazing, i loved what he did with be my favorite, and while i'm not sure if i'll tune in for either of these new shows, i know he'll do great.

(i love that you deemed this first questions as easy and these one as harder, because let me tell you, i had a hard time with both sets!

1.best acting from First

i can only talk about what i've seen, and despite hearing all the praises for his portrayal of a girl stuck in boy's body in the shipper, i didn't have the guts to watch it yet. i was debating between the "break-up" scene in front of yolo and this one, but i need to praise first as akk. while gmm was going their reprise of the eclipse last year, i took that chance to rewatch the show as well, and i can't believe first didn't get a nomination for his portrayal of akk. he's spectacular in his scenes as this hard-working, perfectionist, in-the-closet, slightly homicidal and self-destructive student prefect. the one scene that makes me stop for like five minutes every time is the one where thua exposes him as the curse and he cries in the stairs. and i know there are people who aren't fan of scenes that are heavy on the dramatics, but that scene alone is so sad and first manages to express that masterfully bc it's terrifying yes, but it also feels cathartic in a way bc there's no weight of that lie on him anymore, so he cries ans sobs and leans on aye for support. idk, it just stuck with me for such a long time.

2. best acting from Khao

ray was khao's best performance in my opinion, and while i agree with everyone who mentions his therapist scene (which was a masterpiece honestly, no one and i mean no one would be able to deliver that one other than him the way he did), i'll go with mew's birthday party. i remember watching the bts of that scene and force was speechless and said that was his favorite scene they had shot until then, and man, there's a reason for that. he ate that up! the pure anger and control of the scene he had. the room was full of people but everyone's eyes were on him, and ray was terrifying in that one. that's what i mean when i say khaotung might be shorter than most of his co-stars but he knows when to use his presence to appear actually menacing. ray on mew's birthday party was scary.

3. best acting from FK as a pairing

you said i have to convince a non believer to stan fk, so i'll use the scene where they reconcile in only friends, ep. 10, if i'm not mistaken bc when you have a scene that was a page or two long, and direction shortened shortened shortened it until it was only an "i'm sorry" and they acted so well that it was convincing enough to make you, the audience, fully believe in the sincerity of the apology and the love and regret that laced their hug, that's a skill. they acted their asses off in that scene and the only line of dialogue was an apology.

4. best demonstration of FK's chemistry

okay so for this one, i'll say every time they showed casual intimacy. i feel like it's so easy for them to ignore casual intimacy in shows, but especially as kantbison, fk showed so much of their chemistry in the little touches. they are a very physical couple and they are comfortable being in each other's embrace and it's beautiful to see that being portrayed. holding hands, worshiping each other's bodies, sniffing their hair, kissing their knuckles, just feeling each other close, that's when you felt they are actually each other's person, they are actually so into each other that even crawling under each other's skin wouldn't be enough.

5. best kiss (aesthetics + characterisation + emotion + context + whatever other criteria you choose!)

most beautiful kiss i always think about the smoke kiss in only friends just because the aesthetic of it was amazing. the build up to it was amazing, and hot and heavy with tension and it was so delicious. i scream every time they kiss for the first time in shows, but the smoke kiss left me with my jaw in the ground for several minutes.

alternatively, in thk, the beach kiss for how meaningful it was since it was their first kiss with no lies between them, and the swing kiss that was perfect, they were so into that kiss and it felt so earned, too. fk really knows how to kiss.

also, akkayan's bridge kiss in our skyy 2, never forget that kiss. they were into it and delivering like no one else. absolutely gorgeous.

and let's remember all the pecks, too, because i have a soft spot for all of them. kantbison, yet again, carrying it in the pecks department (did you guys notice that kantbison kissed every ep? it was amazing to see).

and i think this is it? i finally managed to answer everything. ngl, i answered your ask first before a couple others that are sitting on my inbox bc i feel you needed the pick me up and i love talking about firstkhao. this was very fun. thank you for sending me this, and i hope you feel better.

[rarepairdumpster]

Rival Kingdoms AU Part 2

Part 1

Pairing: Viktor/Silco (Arcane) Rating: M C/W: King Silco, Prince Viktor, House Arrest, Pining, Acts of Service, Silco is trying okay

The next day, when Silco goes to bring Viktor his dinner, he's amused but not surprised to hear that Viktor is in the library. 

He takes dinner to the library then, and sees Viktor curled up in a plush armchair, nose buried in a book. He startles Viktor a little when he sets the tray down on one of the research tables, causing Viktor to set the book aside for a moment.

"Did you lose track of time?" Silco asks.

"No," Viktor answers stubbornly, eyes narrowing in a glare. "I would just rather be here than in that room."

"I will need you to return soon," Silco replied. "When you finish eating perhaps."

"I didn't realize I had a curfew," Viktor scoffs.

"I don't want to have to impose one."

Viktor purses his lips and looks away, but tugs his tray closer.

"Do you enjoy pissing me off?"

"I enjoy a lot of things about you," Silco answers easily, the corner of his mouth lifting in a smirk. "Would you like me to list them?"

Viktor rolls his eyes and starts to cut up his meat. "Please contain yourself."

Silco doesn't move as he watches Viktor eat, waiting a moment to hear Viktor's usual biting dismissal, but it doesn't come. "If you insist."

Silco takes an odd pleasure from watching Viktor dine. His fingers are so graceful and elegant. His lips are a temptation with each gentle slide along thin metal. His furrowed brow is distracting.

Viktor is so wrapped up in thinking about what he was reading that he barely registers that Silco hasn't left. He supposes it isn't so bad, even if he can feel Silco's admiring gaze on him. If he's really honest, it feels quite nice.

Silco would give whatever Viktor asked for, if it meant he could reach out and tuck that single loose lock of hair behind that delicate curve of an ear.

When Viktor finishes, he dabs at the corners of his mouth and places his napkin on top of the plate. 

"I'd like to grab some books before I go, if you don't mind."

"Of course," Silco answers, straightening. "Allow me to help, Your Highness. Which ones would you like?"

Viktor raises an eyebrow. 

"Well, I suppose with your help I can bring a few more." He lets the corner of his mouth twist up a little as he stands. 

"I've started a pile," Viktor explains, grabbing his cane and walking over to several stacks of books nearly as tall as the table they were next to. "I'd like to change out all the ones in my bedroom, seeing as the selection has gotten stale as of late."

"As you wish." Silco squats like he isn't even close to a 50 yo man and heaves one of the stacks up, grunting only slightly with the effort. "I can come back for the rest."

Viktor can't help scowling at the able-bodied display; it felt like Silco was rubbing his face in his weaknesses.

Viktor is tempted to tell him to forget about grabbing the others, but he really would like those books and he'd prefer not to come all the way to the library to get them.

Silco is 100% aware that his back and legs will dislike him later; it was a good thing he'd grown up training to carry the full weight of his armour, weapons, and pack cross-country. That training alone made this feat possible to accomplish.

But he is glad to be of service to his future husband.

Viktor is actually pretty tired by the time they return to his room, and he sits on his bed almost immediately. He doesn't dare tell Silco that he's actually pretty grateful that he had offered to bring the stacks.

Silco can see the exhaustion though. He knows his love better than Viktor thinks. Silco just bows slightly, excuses himself and heads back to the library to retrieve the next stack.

By the time he returns, Viktor is asleep, just sprawled across his bed, still in his clothes. 

Silco continues to deliver the stacks in silence and before he leaves for the night, he shrugs out of his coat and drapes it over Viktor without otherwise disturbing him.

(He doesn't want Viktor accusing him of taking liberties, after all)

Viktor wakes in the morning with his hand curling around the hem of something that was a bit stiffer than his duvet. He pulls it up to cover his cold nose and oh

Viktor's eyes snap open at the musky scent that overwhelms his senses. With a start, he eases himself up with one arm and holds out the coat. Silco's coat.

Viktor doesn't know how to feel. 

Angry, perhaps.

Offended.

Confused.

Appreciative? 

No, he shouldn't feel that one.

Doesn't.

Doesn't feel it.

Viktor tosses the coat aside and looks around the chamber, almost expecting Silco to be watching, waiting to pounce.

But Silco isn't there.

Just the stacks of books that Silco had carried for him.

Viktor has to distract himself, he decides, and gets out of bed, hobbling towards the stacks of books, hoping to drive Silco out of his mind.

Meanwhile, Silco is distracted all day, between the lingering aches from his efforts, and the sweet recollection of Viktor curling into his coat in his sleep, like a treasured lover

When Silco arrives to deliver dinner that evening, Viktor shoves the coat at him like its a chore, but Silco sees the faintest blush across his sharp cheekbones.

"Thank you," Viktor sighs. "For the books, that is. I mean, they're my books but, regardless..."

Silco smirks, but doesn't voice the ours that teases at the edge of his tongue. 

"It was my pleasure," Silco says instead, folding his coat carefully.

Viktor decides to not bother dismissing Silco before he eats, and sits down with a book propped up so he can continue to read as he eats. He supposed if Silco wanted to watch him eat, it was harmless. Food didn't guarantee conversion, after all.

Silco settles himself in a chair uninvited, but a comfortable distance away, and Viktor glances at him only briefly.

Silco leans back in the chair, crosses his legs, and just takes his fill of Viktor while he can. 

Viktor seemed to grow more and more beautiful each day, though Silco knew that was ridiculous.

Arch + Woods

[twistedwonderlandshenanigans]

I Am Still Your Daughter, And You Are Still My Mom

This was initially written with my OC (Vizzie) in mind but I feel like it might resonate with a few people. Forgive me lol I'm not a poet but it felt most fitting for this. -----------------------------------------------

There were nights I'd never sleep and seldom do I now but it is still your lullaby I hum to calm me down

There were tears I shed in vain I begged with all my might But you taught me resilience You taught me what was 'right'

You gave me skills I needed to know I appreciate them now I just don't think I'll ever thank you for the 'who', the 'when' and 'how'

The scars you left Are nothing more Than lost memories My soul's still healing But I'm still breathing You won't get the best of me

It was your hands that guided Your hands that held me close Your hands that raised against me But taught me all I know Your hands they brought me up to heights I wouldn't reach myself Your hands that held on way too tight And left me no sense of self

They see you as a monster And maybe I did too But I wouldn't be who I am If it wasn't all for you

I won't thank you for the lessons Or the person I've become I've grown so much without you I feel worth something, to someone And while the feeling's foreign I've learned that love is sweet I'll continue on without you In the afterlife, we'll meet.

If someone out there can hear me I've one last thing to say I wouldn't change a goddamn thing About how I was raised. No she wasn't perfect No parent ever is But I know she loved me deeply And I'll always be 'her kid'.

---------------------------------

Anyways, taglist even though I know a bunch of you have seen already lol (lmk if you want to be added or taken off ^^) @nemisisnemi @distant-velleity @theleechyskrunkly @elenauaurs @starry-night-rose @my-cursed-brain @fluffle-writes

[fall0utmind]

Just read the ask about more info on the repression au, and I love love LOVE everything you've thought of so far!! I'd gobble that up instantly <3

What about, hear me out, Valentino is just as affected as Marc when the Divorce happens, and was sick for a while before he figured out it was his bond with Marc making him sick and also started taking unhealthy amounts of supressants? All the while he RESENTS Marc with a passion for making him repress and push away something that is natural and used to be a huge part of his personality and that's why he keeps making hurtful comments?

Feel free to ignore if it's bad, it just popped into my head and sorry for the long comment haha

Hi omg anon, I mentioned this a little more here on a previous ask!!

But okay so my thoughts

I love the idea of valentino's anger being about Marc affecting him/ resentment. I feel like Vale doesn't take suppressants because he doesn't have the same angst over being an alpha that Marc has over being an omega. Does that make sense? Like Marc hates being an omega because it's linked to being weak and vakentino was able to force him to do something etc etc.

But absolutely, their divorce is putting him through pain. I think in 2015, he ignores it/ blames it on the betrayal and not the separation. plus, it's not as bad for him because he's making his new pack and he is pack alpha, compared to Marc, who's completely abandoned. But he's still in pain, their bond (albeit not mates) has been shattered, and Vale has forced them into separation.

But he still resents marc for putting him in pain. ** It could be that he thinks marx betrayed him on purpose so their bond would be broken and cause pain?? Sounds like the kinda delusion Vale would believe!!!

Also, Marc rocks up smelling like other alphas *he has no choice. Vale is going crazy. Absolutely seething. How dare he.

Skip to 2018, suddenly Marc isn't really acting like an omega. And he smells blank. Valentino only realises when he walks into a press con and can't smell Marc. Cue alpha panic because why can't he smell his omega (never mind that he kicked him out the pack).

Valentino is losing it. Absolutely feral over Marc being completely gone. No one knows why, bez (omega) has to calm him down. (Luca works it out in like 5 mins).

Vale then somehow works out that Marc defo did it on purpose. For sure. How could he put Vale through all this pain and confusion. More resentment ensues.

Finally, skip to 2025, when marc is getting sick, vale can feel something. He's not sick, but it feels off, like something is pulling taught in side of him, flickering like a candle in the breeze. Somehow, Vale doesn't figure it out until Marc is lying in a hospital bed, coming in and out of delirium, fighting anyone who comes near him from the paddock. And it's hurting vale, too. He steps close to Marc, and his alpha finally quietens, the lingering and constant ache fades.

Goddd

This has got me thinking. Has anyone got more thought they'd like to share with the class? Do you think Vale can feel it??

[faunandfloraas]

im so glad im not the only person that looks at seungmin and goes "❓tism❓" bc he is Way Too Relatable to me as a person w autism

yeah..... like I say it in jest but also..... well, yk. sometimes you notice something and you notice something and you notice something and you go Hmmmm

[kitkatsgalore]

you have my soul, you have my heart ♡

[kurosagihater]

ahaha yes let's do this with Romeo with the current understanding i hv about him (this is very much biased)

To begin, I think I have a thing for guys who fell from grace yet still act all mighty and proud and obnoxious as if the world should be handed to them on a silver platter (and I would fucking do it if I could. You have no idea how much I want to) but they actually worked hard to get to where they at. Before I liked him I liked Izumi (enstars) and I guess that's what they both have in common. I do have a taste. I hate that they're my taste sometimes (No I don't).

To be honest I won't argue much if people say they don't like his personality. I acknowledged the fact that he chased his junior with a literal weapon, stripped them, and confined them in a cage like he's treating some animal (sorry Kaito). He got his ambition and honestly... I get it. He's not afraid to take risk and he knows how to get things done, even though some of them aren't fair to others sometimes.

I don't wanna agree with the whole pretty privilege thing but believe me when I say I will follow through with it if it's him. God it feels so fucked up for me to type that but idk how else to explain it. "So you just like him because he's pretty?" fuck idk. maybe? I would still like him even without understanding his character lmao. But tell me why I would sit in silence for a whole night staring at nothingness every time I think of his stigma? Or his bad leg?

"He complaints a lot." They're all justified in my eyes. Man got high standards and it's people around him that are incompetent (I'm kidding). But hey, time is money and he won't be wasting any.

It amaze me how he can juggle everything all at once. Taking care of his appearance, taking care of the casino, taking care of Taiga. I would've lost my mind if I were him. I can't even keep a simple routine for myself like having a decent sleep and eating schedule (it's currently midnight as I'm typing this). Whatever fuel he has to keep himself going, I need that. (Is it revenge, I wonder...). And I need to keep my priorities straight but fffuuuuuck it's so difficult.

"He's selfish." I prefer other term like goal oriented. He's strict on himself and others (but not in Luca's "hard on others hard on himself" way). On the contrary, I, myself, leans more into the selfless category, and I got hurt a lot by that. I'd look at him and deep down I wish I can be a little selfish too. Just for myself. But at the same time I'd be haunted by the guilt that hasn't even come and I'd back out so fast. I am so sorry for being a loser, Romeo.

He's neither an optimist nor pessimist—he's a realist. At least to me. And he makes me want to be a better person—as weird as that sounds since we're talking about Romeo here.

I need more of his past, please. It'd hurt me most likely but I'll take any crumbs. He might bitch a lot but he's my bitch <3 (im sorry romeo pls put the gun down)

I draw the line at people calling him ugly. You will NOT put that word in the same sentence as him IDC IDC. If anyone ever say that we will argue sorry not sorry <3

And I wish people wouldn't reduce him to like a tsundere or smth. I mean he is one but come on...

That should be all for this. I can go on and on about the things I love about Romeo bcs I'm blinded like that LOL. The easiest thing is to say I like him because he's pretty so so fucking pretty I'd give him the world in its entirety. It'll save you the trouble from hearing my (more or less nonsensical) reasonings.

tkdb fans- reblog this post with your best defense for your favorite! I'm trying to understand what everyone likes about each character :D

[canisalbus]

I really love seeing your dogs and sometimes I think about how amazing your art style would be in animation ♥ Not that this is intended to ask or prod you to do so, just that I can imagine your lovely dogs in motion and theyre such amazing characters I could see them in a movie format. Thank you for sharing them with us ♥

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