#this was lowkey therapeutic for me
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I Am Still Your Daughter, And You Are Still My Mom
This was initially written with my OC (Vizzie) in mind but I feel like it might resonate with a few people. Forgive me lol I'm not a poet but it felt most fitting for this. -----------------------------------------------
There were nights I'd never sleep and seldom do I now but it is still your lullaby I hum to calm me down
There were tears I shed in vain I begged with all my might But you taught me resilience You taught me what was 'right'
You gave me skills I needed to know I appreciate them now I just don't think I'll ever thank you for the 'who', the 'when' and 'how'
The scars you left Are nothing more Than lost memories My soul's still healing But I'm still breathing You won't get the best of me
It was your hands that guided Your hands that held me close Your hands that raised against me But taught me all I know Your hands they brought me up to heights I wouldn't reach myself Your hands that held on way too tight And left me no sense of self
They see you as a monster And maybe I did too But I wouldn't be who I am If it wasn't all for you
I won't thank you for the lessons Or the person I've become I've grown so much without you I feel worth something, to someone And while the feeling's foreign I've learned that love is sweet I'll continue on without you In the afterlife, we'll meet.
If someone out there can hear me I've one last thing to say I wouldn't change a goddamn thing About how I was raised. No she wasn't perfect No parent ever is But I know she loved me deeply And I'll always be 'her kid'.
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Anyways, taglist even though I know a bunch of you have seen already lol (lmk if you want to be added or taken off ^^) @nemisisnemi @distant-velleity @theleechyskrunkly @elenauaurs @starry-night-rose @my-cursed-brain @fluffle-writes
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accio-victuuri · 1 year ago
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an analysis : Xiao Zhan + The Moon & Sixpence 🌖
as usual with xzs videos like the one just released, you can make an entire thesis into the possible meanings of every chapter and frame. add it’s relation to xz and if you’re a pro, go deep into the techniques they used in shooting and editing. this one tho is centered around the theme of “the moon and sixpence” which is a book xz recommended before. I saw a few articles linking this to the elements on the vlog and so i looked into it.
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i have lightly talked about some elements from the vlog yesterday but focused more on the quotes that appeared and the music chosen.
it’s been years since he mentioned this book and he didn’t even say that it’s his all-time-favorite. for example, the van gogh elements, we expect that already to be a recurring theme. as well as the moon, but this one has another connection to it. i am honestly curious where his headspace is at, and why, in this specific point in time he felt so close to the message of that book or some parts of it.
let me start with a synopsis and the book is available on googlebooks if you wanna try it out like i did. 🔖
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with the plot alone, you can get a sense of why he would like it. at the time he read it, he was not yet the superstar xiao zhan that we know now. and this is why i guess he related to it more now. especially the sacrifices he has to make for the path he has chosen. this was evident in his GQ cover story interview where he compares himself to his other friends and how they have normal lives. the books is written in the first person POV of narrator who is looking into the stockbroker turned artist Charles Strickland. you get to see the thoughts of the narrator and how he views the main character of his story. the way i see it, the narrator is “Xiao Zhan the person” and how he sees “Xiao Zhan the public personality”. this concept of two sides to him was opened up in his esquire cover story and i can’t help but think it relates to this story.
i will be heavily quoting passages from the book that attracted me and i personally thought relates to xz. this is my personal interpretation only.
The greatness of Charles Strickland was authentic. It may be that you do not like his art, but at all events you can hardly refuse it the tribute of your interest. He disturbs and arrests.
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the story starts of with this line and well isn’t this one way to describe xiao zhan? he has always been described as authentic and the “real deal” as far as idols and actors go. not many people are expected to like him or be part of his fan club and chase him — however, one thing is clear: he disturbs and arrests. his popularity is something that is unheard of and many artist and companies try to replicate. he is a disturbance to the norm in c-ent and why he is a constant target. it’s his biggest asset and liability. something like MFW and stepping out of his home is also expected to attract all kinds of attention. He is aware of that.
“His faults are accepted as the necessary complement to his merits. It is still possible to discuss his place in art, and the adulation of his admirers is perhaps no less capricious than the disparagement of his detractors; but one thing can never be doubtful, and that is that he had genius. To my mind the most interesting thing in art is the personality of the artist; and if that is singular, I am willing to excuse a thousand faults.”
this is in the POV of the narrator, describing the artist he is writing a book about, Charles Strickland. the message of this quote is similar to the one i mentioned above. xz is not perfect and people, specifically his fans should accept that. it’s what makes him more real. through his wins and losses, he is still xiao zhan.
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“It is a salutary discipline to consider the vast number of books that are written, the fair hopes with which their authors see them published, and the fate which awaits them. What chance is there that any book will make its way among that multitude? And the successful books are but the successes of a season. Heaven knows what pains the author has been at, what bitter experiences he has endured and what heartache suffered, to give some chance reader a few hours’ relaxation or to while away the tedium of a journey. And if I may judge from the reviews, many of these books are well and carefully written; much thought has gone to their composition; to some even has been given the anxious labour of a lifetime. The moral I draw is that the writer should seek his reward in the pleasure of his work and in release from the burden of his thoughts; and, indifferent to aught else, care nothing for praise or censure, failure or success.”
this next passage makes me think of the projects he has done and what it must feel like for him. there are a lot of dramas/movies that come out every year and what we repeatedly hear from xz is that he only wishes to bring good works. something people will enjoy and appreciate— never mind the popularity that comes with it. he just finished filming a big project LOCH which i can only imagine is so stressful to him. and now is working on another historical drama.
he is someone who immerses himself in the character and once it’s done, it must be a huge weight off his shoulder. like what is said — seek reward in the pleasure of work and in release from the burden of his thoughts.
“Then, what in God’s name have you left her for?’
‘I want to paint.’
I looked at him for quite a long time. I did not understand. I thought he was mad. It must be remembered that I was very young, and I looked upon him as a middle-aged man. I forgot everything but my own amazement.
‘But you’re forty.’
‘That’s what made me think it was high time to begin.’
i think this one is pretty self explanatory, how he started in the entertainment circle a little bit later in his life. compared to his peers. but the answer was simple to him as it was with Strickland, in his case, “i want to sing.”
‘I tell you I’ve got to paint. I can’t help myself. When a man falls into the water it doesn’t matter how he swims, well or badly: he’s got to get out or else he’ll drown.”
this message seems similar to the one quoted on the vlog about about the rivers and small streams. in this one, it emphasizes how one should not be afraid to take the small step of “swimming badly” in hopes that someday they will wade the waters more efficiently.
“But here was a man who sincerely did not mind what people thought of him, and so convention had no hold on him; he was like a wrestler whose body is oiled; you could not get a grip on him”
If there was something in this book the describes XZ so perfectly — it is this one. I think he is not devoid of over thinking about what people say or being a people pleaser. but in recent times, i am seeing a change in him and how he is more calm. a freedom in the way he speaks, the truths he is no longer holding back. he is not afraid to be different anymore.
which led to that GUCCI outfit. LOL! 🤣🤣🤣
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‘Look here, if everyone acted like you, the world couldn’t go on.’
‘That’s a damned silly thing to say. Everyone doesn’t want to act like me. The great majority are perfectly content to do the ordinary thing.”
so true. a great majority wouldn’t and couldn’t do what he does. just looking at the chapters in the vlog, from going to a distant place and dealing with the MGW chaos. after that, being only afforded a small time to decompress and sit. to enjoy the sunset. that’s what his life is.
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“I don’t pretend to be a great painter’, he said. ‘I’m not a Michael Angelo, no, but I have something. I sell. I bring romance into the homes of all sorts of people. Do you know, they buy my pictures not only in Holland, but in Norway and Sweden and Denmark? It’s mostly merchants who buy them, and rich tradesmen. You can’t imagine what the winters are like in those countries, so long and dark and cold. They like to think that Italy is like my pictures. That’s what they expect. That’s what I expected Italy to be before I came here.”
i would guess this is how he sees his work. he never claimed to be the best, you can see that with how he always mentions wanting to be better. he wants to give the people a positive view of life. which i can clearly see from the vlogs even, makes you wanna go where he visited.
“A man’s work reveals him. In social intercourse he gives you the surface that he wishes the world to accept, and you can only gain a true knowledge of him by inferences from little actions, of which he is unconscious, and from fleeting expressions, which cross his face unknown to him. Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem.”
another one that i think describes xz. his little actions that we see reveal his true self —- the gentle, funny and dorky xiao zhan which is a contrast to the character he sometimes has to portray. it’s when we talk about his duality, the way he was posing and “game face on” for GUCCI but when he did the interview you can see the dorky xiao zhan 😂
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there are times that xiao zhan merges some of the qualities of his celebrity side and i think it’s perfectly person. it is a huge part of his life, and the way i see it, his experiences only make him a better person.
“I have an idea that some men are born out of their due place. Accident has cast them amid certain surroundings, but they have always a nostalgia for a home they know not. They are strangers in their birthplace, and the leafy lanes they have known from childhood or the populous streets in which they have played, remain but a place of passage.
They may spend their whole lives aliens among their kindred and remain aloof among the only scenes they have ever known.
Perhaps it is this sense of strangeness that sends men far and wide in the search for something permanent, to which they may attach themselves. Perhaps some deep-rooted atavism urges the wanderer back to lands which his ancestors left in the dim beginnings of history.
Sometimes a man hits upon a place to which he mysteriously feels that he belongs.
Here is the home he sought, and he will settle amid scenes that he has never seen before, among men he has never known, as though they were familiar to him from his birth.
Here at last he finds rest.”
read that again. it’s a lovely way to put into words what i imagine is something that not only xz goes through. we know what kind of environment and country he lives in, i’m not trying to get political but you get the point. being a celebrity or public personality like him is vastly different from how it is with the rest of the world. i have always admired how he handles it all with grace, how he he willingly accepts the responsibility and burden of being who he is. and that’s why i was also surprised by his answer when asked about a parallel world and he answers about a superpower where he can make it possible to have no disputes in the world. being in that place, with lots of people around, from different parts of the world probably made him think more about this topic. aside from eating pizza and being his usual beautiful self, he was thinking about some serious issues too.
chapter 1 was about going to a distant place but not really, there was something in that place and experience that feels like a home he longs for.
alternate explanation, this can also mean him living his life as a graphic designer, and then spreading his wings into a different industry — being the place he has sought. but considering the time this was released and where he is now at life, i’m thinking it’s more of the former.
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so busy yearning for the moon that he never saw the sixpence at his feet. 🪙
this imagery at the end of the vlog + the coin he holds + the quote fits so well together. the way i see it, XZ is doing both. he appreciates the moon, he looks up to it but he doesn’t miss to see and hold the sixpence. it’s why he is holding on to it, in some, it was even rolling on it’s own towards him. and it’s not just the proverbial sixpence. he is seeing and appreciating his surroundings —- the egg he ate, laundry, bike etc.
as a fan, this is actually comforting to me. the book itself is not the happiest, which makes sense cause xz prefers melodramatic to downright tragic stories. but it shows a realistic view of what some goes through to pursue their dreams. it’s not as glamorous as what we see on tv or the internet. but the end of the vlog, shows that xz is keeping a balance. he is not just busy looking up at the moon— he is also living his life.
-END.
I first knew about the connection of the vlog to the book via 辉夜姬不叽 and i got hooked into writing something about it and reading the source material. i also liked @resonancewitness interpretation of the vlog, particularly the lines in starry starry night.
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yuuugay · 2 years ago
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all of em are pretty different since i didnt think it through jskbcdkjavcd but the 4 gods from @uroboros-if 👍👍👍👍👍
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astralvampz · 4 days ago
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he's my fav
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lemongogo · 1 year ago
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hi
#yall ths art block is so bad its actually making me so stressed out😭😭😭#its been awful plenty of times before BUT THISSS???IT FEELS NEVER ENDINGGG#so fucking frustrating-__- and i was finally working on smth i had started to like yday#but i hit this mid point where i didnt know How 2 break thru from like .. rough > finished#and im like T__T . brah . head in my hands#IDK WHAT TO DOOOOOOO . < lamenting . < woe is me .#sry i luv talking abt it . its therapeutic tbh . what do u guys do when u are in this position#i also try to go back to basics and j do gesture studies until i feel more capable#but im like shakig the bars of my cage . let me do smt fun again. please ❤️ PLEASEE ❤️#i think part of it is also imposter syndrome whre like .. u see so many people u look up to doing so many cool things w their art#and its like . falling back into the trap of comparison and feeling like nothing u make can replicate the feeling of seeing those other#things ykwim🤔#sick in da head . i think its also a twt issue#like ever since i started posting on there ive been feeling like i have 2 make . quote unquote good things which . obviously dookie sentimen#bc any art is objectively good art there isnt like . U CANT BE BAD YKWIM HELP#but when i j posted to tumblr it was like . u send it off like slapping a horse on the ass and u see it ride away and its so lowkey#and fun.. the community here is so muchc fun .. j dont feel pressured here#smiles sweetly#<gi influence#maybe ill delete the app 4 a while until i feel normal again#guys we need to kill all social media#guys we need to go back to drawing sheep on rocks (<giotto ref(#if i had 2 elaborate ig it feels like . i am following the path of most resistance -__- like wading hesdstrong in2 waves that keep pushing#me back . theres so much i want to do Wish i could do but its like damn i can barely draw like two complete things over the course of 2-3 mo#from how HARD IT ISSS🚶and my aphantasia compounds it . fumbling arnd in a dark room hoping smth sticks#graa.. i think its the realization that i couldnt ever do art professionally bc im such an obstinate artist T_T#tbh saying all this now its like looking up in2 the eyes of all my art insecurities looming over me#CASTING 100 FT SHADOWWWW🧍#whteve . check back on me in 2 months hopefully i feel normal ab it then
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kavehpilled · 3 months ago
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so disappointed when i floss and it doesnt feel like im getting brained by the thread
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boog-ers · 7 months ago
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"this is my therapy" and it is a task practiced for centuries for survival across all human cultures......
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ppulverse · 10 months ago
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well my methods might not be very time efficient but at least i'm getting shit done for once
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miraclewoozi · 2 years ago
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just went on the most therapeutic* blocking spree
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xo-codbby · 4 months ago
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something about the big burly men of the 141 braiding their daughter's hair even if they have no idea what they're doing :")
price: "goddamn it, not again" lowkey getting very frustrated with himself because it wasn't turning out the way he wants it to be and he was ready to quit, to put a headband on and call it a day. but one look from her little face had him rewinding the video, sighing softly as he tried again. he's already run the brush through her hair gently for the umpteenth time, causing her to grumble and wanting to go play instead. but he holds her back carefully, determined to make her braids the prettiest anyone has ever seen. the hair band between his lips, brows furrowed looking to and fro from the video and then back at the hair between his hands
"just a second, honey" it's loose and he doesn't know how to tighten it but he's determined. absolutely nobody is moving an inch until he perfects that braid. his back is curved uncomfortably and he's definitely going to get neck pain from craning down to get the best access to her head but he does finally manage to get it accurate. it only took ages but he's very proud of himself :") takes a sweet little selfie with her in his arms to send to you and makes it his lockscreen. he mightve conquered many enemies but his biggest one till date was tackling his daughter's hair, all completely worth it for how happy she is
simon: "this bit.... goes underneath right? over the top, underneath the side, down back under.... piece of cake, sweetheart" simon is a dedicated man, his tongue peeking out from his lips as he tried his very hardest to memorise what he had learnt from a youtube video. his daughter sat between his thighs, his big fingers working her hair very delicately in order not to pull on any strands. he has the hair grips secured between his lips, eyes narrowed very carefully as he braids her hair trying to get all of the hair. he is a man on a mission and he will carry out the task to the best of his ability. the stares from his little girl didn't help either, was positive he felt sweat beading down his forehead and back. she really was his child with that judgemental look
"bloody hell, that took it out of me" he finally lets out a relieved sigh at his masterpiece, there might be a few strands sticking out and the braid might look a little lopsided but it's unique 🤭 he didn't even have time to grab his phone, to send you a picture only to have his daughter shake her head once, causing the braid to tumble down and his face like 👁👄👁
gaz: "keep your head straight okay, honey?" this mans should def open a hair place, he's already mastered the technique of braiding from his mum especially because his hair type is different and requires a certain amount of care. so he knows exactly how to braid, call it his secret talent ;) lowkey finds it therapeutic and will 100% decorates his girl's hair with different clips and grips, whatever her little heart desires. he loves brushing his fingers through her locks and he always manages to get the parting accurate on the first time. which saves a ton of tantrums on her end. absolutely gets matching braids with his girl, she gets to stick the cute little clips and he loves how happy she gets
"my beautiful girl" best believe he's whipping out the camera to take pictures of her hair and send it to you, marvelling at how gorgeous she looks. he's all smug when she wants to come to him for her hair but it definitely bites him back in the ass when he's half dressed needing to leave the house in five minutes to head to base. only to be tugged by his child by his wrist to have her hair braided in that specific way she loves and she's two seconds away from a meltdown
soap: "christ sake, why would they add so many pieces?" johnny definitely underestimated himself, he didn't mean to blow his own horn but now that he has, he doesn't not accept defeat easily at all. will memorise that youtube video back to front, his daughter seated in his lap both of the criss crossed as he works delicately. his face set intently, eyes slightly narrowed as he braids. he's confused by the movement but gets the hang of it after a while and then it's like second nature, he's so happy with himself.
"look at you, my little lass. such a beauty" his little girl perched in his lap as he tightens the braided pony tails, gushing at how cute she is and how perfect the braids he had done on her hair came out. will 100% parade her around so everyone can see how perfect his braids are but no touching his little girl or her hair at all, under any circumstances <3
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kazutora-kurokawa · 1 year ago
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Heyyyy, omg can I ask for nsfw headcanons for haitani brothers, hanma, baji, kawata brother and shion with a reader who has a extremely high libido 😼
TokRev x High Libido!Reader
♡ NSFW, fem reader, pet names, roughness + fluff, praise + degradation, Hanma lowkey being a jackass ♡
Characters: Ran, Rin, Hanma, Baji, Nahoya, Souya, Shion
note: Just some short headcanons, thank you anon 🩷
note 2: Writing smut while I'm on my period is so therapeutic for some reason
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Ran
💜 Doesn't mind your high libido because he has one too
💜 Mutual masturbation + phone sex
💜 Teases you when you're needy
💜 Lazy morning sex 🔛🔝
💜 He lets you ride him as soon as he wakes up
"My pretty baby~ so needy for me early in the morning ♡"
Rindou
🩵 Soft boi hours fr
🩵 Eats you out before he fucks you
🩵 Fucks you like he loves you because he does
🩵 Praises you nonstop and loves listening to you whimper and moan for more
🩵 Doesn't stop til you tell him to even if he's tired, he lives to please you
"It's okay princess, imma make you cum okay?"
Hanma
🏵️ Teases you about your high sex drive and laughs when you get upset
🏵️ Doesn't let you touch yourself because you're his to touch
🏵️ Lets you sit in his lap and grind yourself on him
🏵️ Degrades you while you beg for him to fuck you
"Aww my little slut wants me to fuck her? You're gonna have to beg me better than that baby ♡"
Baji
🪷 Bites you during sex to mark you as his, you always wake up the next day looking like you were the main dish at a vampire buffet
🪷 Loves when you leave nail marks down his back (he'd proudly show them off to Chifuyu too 💀)
🪷 Laughs at you when you beg for him to fuck you because he was going to even if you didn't beg
🪷 Eats you out til you're overstimulated
"What's wrong cutie? You begged me for it and now you're a whiny little mess~"
Nahoya
🌟 Thigh riding + ass slapping (he'd probably slap your pussy too if you let him)
🌟 Grips your thighs hard enough to leave marks
🌟 Likes when you pull on his hair, takes it as a sign to be rougher
🌟 Curses the whole time you two fuck
"Fuck baby, pussy gripping me fucking so good. I'm gonna make sure you can't walk in the morning ~"
Souya
💠 Doesn't mind your high sex drive, but his is definitely lower
💠 Moans louder than you when you fuck, you're just so tight and warm
💠 Loves when you ride him, especially when he gets home from working at the ramen shop, it's a great stress reliever
💠 He'll let you keep riding him even if he's tired and overstimulated, he just wants you to feel good
"You look so beautiful on top of me babygirl, keep going til you're satisfied~"
Shion
🖤 He may be a violent delinquent, but he's a major softie for you
🖤 Obsessed with your high sex drive and always makes time to fuck you
🖤 Prefers to fuck in private, but will do it in public if you beg him enough
🖤 He whimpers when you suck him off
🖤 Has to go slow when he fucks you so he doesn't cum too fast, but you always end up fucking yourself onto his cock faster
"Shit! Slow down please, I ain't tryna cum just yet pretty girl~"
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Tagging @arlerts-angel and @i-literally-cant-with-this
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ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused · 2 months ago
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hi omg since u reopened ur reqs can i !!!! request some spencer reid x ftm christmas-y headcanons ? sfw and nsfw if possible !!! tysm i LOVE your writing
nsfw.
a/n: howdy friend!! first off, i just wanted to thank you for loving my work, it really means a lot, especially when i come back from long unplanned breaks like this; but - without further ado, here's your headcanons! :]
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sfw:
in my mind, spencer doesn't really have the need to celebrate the holidays if he's by himself.
sure he'll indulge in his colleagues and go to the christmas parties or participate in secret santa, but if he's single, he's not really one to celebrate.
but once he's with you? yeah, things start to get REAL festive around here, and fast.
what was once a bare apartment now gets turned into a winter wonderland by the beginning of december.
you're also real strict about when decorations go up. it can't be too early, and it can't be too late, because you have that party to throw!
you definitely ask force him to help you.
now, spencer sometimes gets overwhelmed with certain social situations, but seeing you with his team makes the little bits of anxiety all worth it.
they love you, and treat you as one of their own, especially penelope.
bless his heart, once the two of you get together, it's a chaotic mess.
she'll compliment you on the decorations, and then your outfit, and then your cooking, then all of a sudden you've planned a whole other party a year in advance.
spencer doesn't mind it though.
even though you put the jolly in his holly, he absolutely despises gift getting.
the stores are crowded, online shopping is a mess, and the black friday deals aren't really deals.
"Buy one get one 40% off? that doesn't even make any sense." spencer murmurs to himself. you can't help but chuckle at him, "that's capitalism for you, baby."
but when the buying is all said and done, he enjoys wrapping said gifts.
there's just something he finds so therapeutic about the meticulousness of the cutting, folding, and taping. maybe it's the perfectionist in him.
morning of is always so magical, because he enjoys seeing the smile and awe on your face whenever you open something of his.
but nothing compared to when it was his turn.
you'd stare him down with your expectant gaze, angsty, as if you were the one opening the gift.
you'd watch his reactions closely, and if he played up his amazement, it was no one's business but his own.
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nsfw:
there's just something about the christmas spirit that turns spencer into a little freak.
like... maybe it's because it's cold outside and he's "huddling" for warmth, but one moment you're having a sweet moment on couch, then the next you're bent over the arm rest taking the craziest backshots of your life.
he's such an enigma because in an instant he's touching all over you like a fiend and then the next he's asking you what christmas movie you want to watch.
lowkey bottoms a lot during the month of december.
like, maybe it's the need to be closer to you, but he just wants to be bent over and devoured.
it gets to a point where he starts to put little bottles of lube all over the apartment just in case the opportunity strikes where one of you need it.
it kind of shocks you if you're going to be honest, because usually he's kind of reserved when it comes to sex.
he's not like a total prude, but sometimes it's hard for him to express what he wants, so for him to extremely grabby, borderline needy, it's a bit stunting.
there's no complaints coming from you though.
uses scientific facts about how sex can help you warm up quicker.
"did you know that sex-"
"yes, spencer, i know. do you want to fuck me, or not?"
okay this one is kind of foul, but i think his feet get cold easily so i think he wears socks during sex.
THEMED SOCKS BY THE WAY
expect to be staring down little santas or snowmen while you try to suck him off.
"spencer, where'd you get these?"
"they were on sale!"
there's something about the way the lights from the tree illuminate your face at night that makes him look.
he just stares at you, and the lazy look you throw him from your laying position on the couch forces him onto his stomach.
he's placing sweet kisses through your shirt, leading down to your waistband where he's tugging it down.
he's sweet as he takes you into his mouth, his eyes closing like there's no where else he'd rather be.
and honestly, he doesn't.
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afsosville · 2 months ago
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Here's the Shen Jiu addition to the PIDW x Avatar the Last Airbender AU ˚˖⋆.ೃ࿔.✧˚.💚⋆
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The Luo Binghe/ge version
So, Shen Jiu being reborn as an air nomad! Let him have his well deserved peace!! Oh look, it’s a loving community that doesn’t have any hierarchies or power issues to fuck him over, and air being the element of freedom?? Fuck yes. 
ALTA lore dump and extreme self indulgence up head >>
Ideally, Shen Jiu would be reborn during Yangchen or Kyoshi’s time, coz I still need the air nomads to be, yknow, around. 
The air nomads lowkey act like a sect that practices aesthetic cultivation ( they reminds me of the Lan Clan too).
A quote >>
“The Air Temples had an expression regarding outside visitors who were shocked and disappointed by the incredible volume of chores the monks and nuns had to busy themselves with to support a few hours per day of meditation and study. Weak eyelids. Enlightenment was a muscle, and the world was too heavy for most.”
They work hard and are always studying philosophy and spirituality to seek enlightenment. Since they don’t hire people to do things, they do everything in their community themselves and depend on each other. Who knows, it could be therapeutic, and it’s not like Shen Jiu’s afraid to work hard. I think he would enjoy reading up on stuff about this new world he's in and there's access to so much knowledge and information in the air temples. He’d like travelling around to all of them. And a sky bison!!! He gets to have a fluffy sky bison of his own!! When it’s bonding day, he obviously doesn’t think any sky bison would want to choose him. Ofc he would make a terrible companion. Even great beasts are motivated by self interest, and he’d simply be a poor choice- 
Then, he sees one that’s nudging her head on his arm. She strayed away from the rest of the herd and the other kids and wandered over to the lone boy sitting by himself, who was too busy feeling sorry for his life to even notice her approaching him. He felt a tug on his soul and knew he had been picked and there was no changing that. 
Shen Jiu named her Xiyue, which means joy. Shen Jiu with a sky bison Shen Jiu with a sky bison Shen Jiu with a sky bison-
The air temples are segregated by gender, the monks live in the northern and southern air temples, and the nuns live in the eastern and western temples. Ofc all of them are traveling to wherever and staying in other temples for certain periods of time tho. Shen Jiu was originally from the northern temple but got relocated pretty quickly to the western one with his guardian once his aversion/fear of men became pretty apparent. They don’t understand just why another person who’s not the avatar has memories of a past life but they’ll make sure one of their own is cared for regardless. So now he gets to be surrounded by people who are mostly not men, and not a single person is around to judge him for it. He does go back to visit his home temple, and stays there when he’s older because he's learnt that the air temples are practically the safest of places. Pre-Sozin at least lol. I’m leaning towards this being Yangchen's time. She’s an air avatar from the western air temple and she’s unique for an avatar in the sense that she also remembers her past life. Or ten thousand of them in Yangchen’s case. 
She’ll sometimes have past avatars outright possess her and start talking or doing things as if they’re still alive. The people who know about Yangchen think it’s a gift, because she’s got the easiest access to her past lives. Lol. As if. Yangchen’s out here living through the trauma and grief of so many of her lives in the worst moments possible. The first time she went into the spirit realm, everything went to shit because one of her past lives had an intense fear of spirits and Yangchen started having an episode while the spirits were attacking her. She was with her sister, and ended up losing her on that trip :( And there was this other time, one of her past lives straight up tried to convince her to give up on humanity altogether during another episode. This was exactly what he said;
“They take with both hands, and they pay only with blame. They find your edges and then they dwell there. Work a hundred miracles? You’re worthless for not performing a hundred and one… Human beings choose their own misery, over and over again. Tell me why humanity deserves an Avatar” 
I was thinking this scene could be a character development moment for Shen Jiu, if he tries to convince her why she shouldn't give up on humanity. This seems like the kind of thing Shen Jiu himself would believe wholeheartedly, but he already spent a whole life believing that, and it didn’t do him any favours. (Yes, Shen Jiu is part of team avatar, he's the first member actually) He and Yangchen have something to bond over lol. Miserable past lives and all that. 
Also Yangchen was shrewd. She needed to engage in clandestine operations and spywork to even hope to achieve what she needed to. Guess which former Qing Jing peak lord could've helped nudge her in that direction? 
Not to mention she also knows forbidden air bending techniques (the one that Zaheer used on the Earth Queen that sucked the air out of her lungs to kill her heh). She perfected it completely and made her own variations. It's not mentioned just how Yangchen learnt of these techniques, but I imagine here that Shen Jiu had access to many of the archives and libraries (even the forbidden ones) in the four temples bc of how much he frequents them (the airbenders just like him a lot). And Yangchen knew this and asked him in which archives she could find them too. Shen Jiu is not going to teach the avatar voidbending! As if he'd risk getting in trouble with the elders and have all his access denied bc of it! *Cue Yangchen pestering Shen Jiu about it like a spoiled younger sibling and convincing him to just tell her which scrolls to look for, or else she'll tell tell the elders that he's the one who's been practicing voidbending*
It's not like he was even against teaching voidbending, he literally took it upon himself to learn and any all forbidden techniques he could get his hands on. And it's the fucking Avatar. Who would miss out on a chance to teach the Avatar?? But getting banned from the archives, or even from one of the air temples is a real fear of his soshjigl
Honestly tho, he could totally be on Kyoshi's team too. You know Kyoshi, she'd love learning those forbidden techniques too. Heck, Shen Jiu might as well be Kyoshi's airbending master in this AU.
He would totally find Wan Shi Tong's library without even trying. Idk how long it would take for him to get kicked out tho heh.
Shen Jiu would be one of those people who can easily get into the spirit world through meditating (he had a boon from having learnt cultivation in a xianxia world, that's why it would be easy for him). But since the spirit world reflects your emotions like a dream realm, Shen Jiu is not having a good time there. 
I think he'd be insanely good at metalbending if he was an earthbender further along the timeline instead. The first time we see Shen Jiu do any form of cultivation was literally him reshaping metal into a blade! Lowkey feel like drawing him in the Zaofu metalbending uniform too. He'd look good in those dfdggfdf
Remember when I said he's going to live a peaceful life? I lied. Guess what demonic tyrant's getting reborn as a waterbender? Yuh Luo Bingge's here too.
He picks up on bloodbending way too easily, and learns how to take away bending too, coz you can do that with bloodbending apparently! (Freakin Amon over here) And the moment he gets 'reacquainted' with Shen Jiu, Luo Bingge's gonna give him more shit to have nightmares over.
And he will take away Shen Jiu's bending too. And while I believe in Shen Jiu living a life of respite after going through the entirety of PIDW, it's even more fun to torture him again after he's got a brief taste of freedom.
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weirdocat83 · 2 months ago
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Spoilers for arcane!!
I wonder if Ekko ended up getting curious abt the father/daughter relationship between silco and jinx. I mean, in episode 7 we see a whole alternate universe where silco and jinx are good. I call bullshit if you’re telling me they’re not close over there. So imagine Ekko seeing this and suddenly recontextualizing basically everything he knows abt jinx. Especially if Ekko ends up talking to Silco and realizing he’s not actually that bad of a guy when he’s just hanging out.
I mean, for one, the silly potential of alt!Silco being like “I was a giant dumbass and I needed some damn therapy or at least someone to talk to” and Ekko slowly realizing that maybe the reason Jinx is so fucked up is because her and her evil dad were equally fucked up at the time and just trying to achieve their goals whilst coping, but he can’t say that aloud so what he does say is “huh.” Meanwhile silco is looking at him strange because the dude has the look of someone who just solved the world’s greatest mysteries despite him having heard this info before (in his perspective, at least.)
For two, the angst potential of “hey so I went to another universe where you and your dad Weren’t Evil and he was actually lowkey chill so I wanna know what he was like for you” and for a moment jinx just looks at him in a “wtf” kinda way but then she just accepts it bc That Might As Well Happen (also the added evidence of his little machine and injuries that Were Not There Before) and starts telling him stories ranging from stupid to cute to sad and she’s breaking down halfway through them because lately she hasn’t had that much time to grieve him properly especially since a lot of people hated him so to reminisce with someone who she actually cares abt who is willing to listen and not write her off is therapeutic. Also I just think Jinx absoLUTELY has some hilarious silco stories. They probably bond over the course of the whole thing.
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taruruchi · 3 months ago
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Idol!Azul except I just redraw different pictures of Stray Kids because I remembered I had the ability to draw whatever I want (Part 1 bc Hyunjin, Seungmin, and I.N couldn't fit here)
Also ngl this is just a product of my two obsessions
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close-ups utc!
this is in the order of which i drew first
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tbh this was lowkey therapeutic for me so i'll probably do more in the future dslkjflksd
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nagichi-boop · 3 months ago
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I spent a day with Angela Giarratana felt lowkey therapeutic, so here’s some parts that I found particularly profound and/or comforting (with some minor tweaks to condense the quote)
(Putting under a cut cuz I realised there are too many good quotes and this got long)
— (Angela) “The reason why I have so much is because I lead with the word ‘yes.’ And I said yes to everything, which is why I think I have so many fun avenues to create and great groups of collaborators. But someone told me that ‘no’ is actually magnetic too, and that saying no will open up other things for you.”
— (Angela) “I can be enough and not be ridiculous. I can just sit and talk, and I’m not letting anyone down, it’s not boring. It’s hard for me not to have a joke lined every 5 seconds, like am I only making jokes so I don’t lose someone cuz I’m worried I’m getting boring? And it’s just sitting in that space going; ‘if I am boring, let’s just see - will everyone walk out? Will everyone hate me? I dunno, there’s only one way to find out.’”
— (Angela) “If we’re being really honest, I think somewhere deep down, I think I am boring and not interesting. As I grow older I notice it, and I then care less and less. I think the more I see people stick around for just who I am, it makes me feel more comfortable. As I’m getting older, I feel more and more vulnerable with just being myself.”
— (Anthony) “It’s tiring to wear a mask and be something because people want you to be this way. And there was a big period of time where I was afraid of people not liking me, so I was trying to be as broadly appealing as possible. ‘I want everyone to like me! There’s one commenter that didn’t like me? How can I change to make sure that person likes me too?’ But I’ve come to realise that actually, this is an awesome way to filter out sh—y people that I don’t even want to like me. If someone only likes me because I’m fake and I’m trying to be this person for them, actually I don’t want them to like me.”
— (Angela) “‘I want every single person to like me, because if every single person likes me, that means I’m valued, and that means I am of value and I’m not a piece of sh—.’ But then you go; ‘I don’t know if I’m genuinely connecting with anyone, cuz every single thing I’m doing is bullsh—, and I’m just emulating what I think this person wants so they can approve of me, and that’s just a lonely place to live.’”
— (Angela) “Sometimes when you’re around abusive friendships or relationships that might not be good for you is when you don’t feel like you can have an opinion - that’s when you know. Like something in you is thinking, ‘I’ll do whatever you want cuz it’ll be easier that way.’ That’s a safety mechanism that you don’t really need if you’re feeling fully supported.”
— (Anthony) “When you surround yourself with people that expect you to do whatever they want or they expect you not to have an opinion, in a sense it’s almost like you don’t necessarily respect yourself fully, so you are allowing people who don’t fully respect you into your life.”
— (Anthony) “With these transitional periods, there’s so much uncertainty, and I feel like that’s really scary when you’re used to knowing what you’re going to do. And sometimes you find peace in having that North Star that’s super obvious. But there’s actually so much freedom in this time of uncertainty. Cuz if someone says ‘what are you gonna do?’, you’re like ‘I dunno, I’ll figure it out as it comes; as my day progresses, as my life progresses, I’ll figure it out in the moment.’”
— (Anthony) “I feel like the more that you are comfortable being yourself and the less that you do worry about what people think of you, it’s actually the opposite effect. I feel like it’s natural to think that if you care about what people think of you that you’ll be more entertaining. But what’s interesting is it’s the opposite effect I’ve realised. The less you care about what they think about you, the more that it will actually attract them to be like, ‘wait, oh she’s just being herself,’ and it makes it so much more interesting. I think it’s the authenticity.”
— (Anthony) “I feel like our entire culture is centered around the outcome of everything that we do, and that’s why we’re so future oriented; we’re never in the present just enjoying it. It’s like turning on a song just to get to the end of it. It’s like doing a dance just to do the final pose. That’s not the point - it’s about the process.”
— (Anthony) “We all want what’s familiar, even if it’s hurtful, because it’s like; ‘I know I can deal with that pain. I know I can deal with that uncomfortable feeling. That’s a lot of discomfort, but I know I can handle that.’”
— (Anthony) “It’s preemptively feeling less than just in case you have to feel less than in the future.” (Angela) “Cuz I’d rather feel less than on my terms than someone making me do that cuz it hurts more.” (Anthony) “But when you do it on your terms, you almost invite because people will treat you and you will be treated in the way that you perceive yourself. And if you perceive yourself as less than because you preemptively want to feel that feeling, you are inviting that to happen.”
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