#If you haven't heard this discourse before I think this is a good one to hear it

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Ewan Mitchell x actress!reader

a/n: I hope you all have found ways to cope after the breakup, but here all your questions will be answered on what went down pre-August! Special shoutout to @just-fics-station @thepurplecrown @clarkysblog @hotdismylife and @sprinklesprinkle888 for sharing your ideas and indulging me with the lovely, crazy discourse!

To everyone, I am so chuffed at how this has become OUR story - our lil self-indulgent Ewan Nation production. You all are aces <3

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In the aftermath of the breakup, the reader and Ewan throw themselves into their work, trying (and failing) to avoid any trace of the other. Will they remain this way - former lovers doomed to drift in each other's orbit?

Some time before August

New York City

The lush office was laden with expensive wooden antiques, one side with built-in shelves displaying film awards and plaques of varying degrees of prestige. A full glass minibar occupied the other side.

The casting director introduced himself as Bruce, insisting that Ewan call him by his first name and not any of that "sir or similar stick-up-the-ass names". Ewan can see him as a mentor or maybe even a friend, Bruce insisted.

After all, they were going to help each other out a lot.

The discussion was straightforward enough, never mind the saccharine tone Bruce seemed to be so good at. Aimed at making Ewan feel welcome, coddling him, remarking with awe at his projects thus far. But there was a fakeness to it. Ewan steeled himself, trying to adapt to the style of conversation. After all, if he is in this for the long haul, then he would have to get used to these situations.

Bruce appraised him, leaning back on his leather swivel chair. "How are you with the fantasy genre? All that YA, lovesick stuff the kids eat up so eagerly nowadays? Personally, I haven't got the taste for it, but it always makes bank, if you know what I mean."

"Oh, well, I'm a fan of all movies. I definitely see why the fantasy genre has made such an impact on audiences, especially with the romance element, you know, I get the appeal."

"Well, son, we've got a solid franchise in our hands here. Some adaptation of an elf-human love story, mind you, it sound ridiculous, but you know how it is. And the team seems to be in agreement - you fit the bill for the male lead. The male elf lead - " he almost guffawed at the thought, then collected himself " - hope you don't mind my saying that you've got elvish features yourself. Long nose, long jaw, lanky. The teens are going to eat you up."

"Ah," Ewan smiled curtly, nodding. There was a backhanded compliment if he ever heard one. "Well, sir, I've read the script - at least, the bit that was sent to me - and it looks quite promising. I'd be honoured to - "

"Of course, of course!" Bruce exclaimed in pleasure, cutting Ewan off mid-sentence. "And there's the case of your leading lady, and this all boils down to chemistry as you know. Our top contender is that Jenna Ortega girl from the Netflix show, you know her?"

Ewan nodded, well aware. He's seen her work, and thinks that she is a top actress of her generation, but leave it to Bruce to reduce her to being that girl from the Netflix show.

"Yes, she's a very talented actress," Ewan replied.

Bruce hums in agreement, head bobbing as a smirk materialises on his face. "Think she's a looker?" he said openly, without shame.

Ewan laughed nervously, his words caught in his throat.

Bruce, characteriscally oblivious to the discomfort of others, carried on. "I only ask because we're going to need you two to be pretty chummy with each other when you jump on this project. It's kind of a condition of the whole thing, but really nothing to concern yourself with." He waved a hand in the air, his proposition barely carrying any weight in his mind. But Ewan was catching on, and he started to develop a dislike about the whole deal.

"What do you mean?" Ewan asked.

"It's pretty common in this business, son. There's a reason why young, new actors like yourself opt to remain unattached so to speak, so they're always open to a PR arrangement or, you know, just so their - your - hoards of fans would think they got a chance with you," Bruce explains lazily. "In this case, since you and Ortega are, as I said, unattached, getting you two together would fuckin' do wonders for our movie."

Our movie, he said, convinced that Ewan was all in, because why would any young actor refuse such a golden opportunity? Franchises like this can set up an entire mainstream Hollywood career.

Ewan thought that he wasn't unattached. Granted, his date with you was yet to happen, but he already felt bound to you. He wished you were the one tapped to be his love interest. Very little acting would be needed there. Maybe he might even be inclined to go along with the idea of selling the relationship, using it for publicity for the film, but even that made him uneasy.

The industry offered a lot of privileges, but more often than not, they come at a cost.

"Sir, I - "

"Bruce."

"Right, sorry. Bruce, I have to tell you that I'm not exactly unattached."

"Got a partner?"

Ewan actually found himself smiling at the thought of you being called his partner. His first easy smile since entering this office. "Yes, she's an actress herself," he agreed.

"I heard of her?" Bruce asked with obvious disinterest. You were but a wedge in his flawless plan.

"She's kind of a new talent like me, but she's brilliant. She plays Alyna Rivers in our show."

"Ah her," Bruce loosened up a little. "I get it, she's a piece."

Ewan cleared his throat loudly, his jaw clenching on instinct. "So, like I said, I'm with her. I'm sorry but this whole PR arrangement with Jenna wouldn't work."

"Look, kid, I want my movie to do well, alright? I got a lot invested here. This PR thing has proven to be highly bankable time and time again. If you don't trust me, I can ask the team to show you the data on all that. It's a lot of boring numbers, but shit, the numbers are never wrong."

"I don't need to see - "

"If you wanna be with your girl, you can, but you just gotta learn to hide it. Sweep it under the rug, you know. Don't canoodle in public, you crazy kids," Bruce offered, like that made things any better.

"You want me to hide my relationship?"

"Hey, now, come on. Word gets around. Isn't your girl also doing this exact same thing with Jacob Elordi?"

"Not anymore, I don't think," Ewan clarifies, "and that was... that was hardly anything. They weren't obligated to do it. It just worked by chance because they were both single for a time."

"Po-ta-to, po-tah-to." Bruce clicked his tongue before making his next point. "So you see how it works, your thing with Ortega won't be any different."

"Do I have a choice?" There it is, the defining factor.

Bruce smiled slowly. The calculating and menacing air about him intensified, and it was obvious he was not there to be Ewan's friend.

"It would be stupid to refuse something like this, kid."

Ewan's blue eyes flashed in return. None of this was ideal, but his nan raised him well, and he knew better than to falter on his values in times of trial.

"Sir, what's stupid is if you ask me to hide my real relationship for the sake of mere publicity for a film."

"Stupid you say?" Bruce sneered, having already discarded Ewan in his mind, his fragile ego bruised. "What a shame."

There wasn't much to say after that. Bruce was clearly not disinclined to reveal the ice that settled in his veins, and it dawned on Ewan that it had always been the case. There was no true hospitality here.

For bigwig casting director-slash-execs like Bruce, this was a transaction. And Ewan was not about to put what he has, or what he could have, with you on the line.

There has to be another way to advance his career. If not bigger productions, then at least those with less domineering producers.

"That is a shame," Ewan said, getting up from his seat. "I won't waste any more of your time, sir. Thank you for considering me."

Bruce's eyes darkened even further. "You're actually refusing me? For some girl?"

Another genuine smile formed on Ewan's face at the thought of you. Some girl.

But you're not just some girl. He nodded without a trace of doubt in his mind, before reaching out to shake Bruce's hand. "If you don't mind, sir... I have to go and see my darling."

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Near the end of August

Los Angeles

The modern space sported a minimalist yet rustic feel, the interiors a blend of sterile white and sleek wooden surfaces. Very LA, as they say. The windowed walls offered plenty of light, as well as precious views of the valley below.

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me, Donna," you greeted Ewan's publicist as she ushered you in her LA office.

"No problem at all, sweetheart," she said. "Please, have a seat. Would you like some coffee or tea? Ewan always has his coffee with way, way too much sugar. Mind you, if that kid wasn't active and boxing all the time, I'd be worried for his health."

You smiled fondly at her genuine concern. "Don't even mention the cigarettes."

"Oh, yeah," she scoffed, settling down on the chair across from you. She could have sat down at her desk, making the meeting more official, but Donna's always had a friendly and open way about her. "So, my sweet, how's your new movie coming up?"

You respond eagerly. The dialogue flowed freely, talking about your film and the lukewarm reception of season 2 of House of The Dragon. And finally, Ewan.

"I really thought he would get the Greta Gerwig film," you said. "Everyone said he was perfect for it. I think Greta herself had nothing but praises for him when they met on Zoom."

She sighed thoughtfully, "I thought so too. And, theoretically, he did have that one almost booked up. But there was an issue with one of the producers, which - I don't even want to get into that."

You shook your head, catching on whom she hinted at. "Donna, I heard... well, it didn't go too well in New York, didn't it? Ewan told me about it but... if you can tell me more, I just want to understand why - "

"Sweetheart," she offered a smile, but it doesn't reach her eyes, "you should talk about this with Ewan."

"I tried. But he wouldn't budge. Mallory told me... that it might have been because of me that he didn't get the role? And also why he's struggling to get roles now? Donna, I... I can't have that."

It took some time for her to formulate a response. She didn't want to step in something that's none of her business. Your relationship with Ewan is yours. But when his career is on the line, she supposed that she needed to have some say in that.

"He met with this top producer in New York. This real old money Hollywood guy. For decades, he's built careers for the greats, you know - Pitt, DiCaprio, Theron, and whatnot. There was a franchise project practically offered to him on a plate, but Ewan refused, because a non-negotiable was that he would have to hide you in favour of a PR arrangement with his leading lady."

You swallowed, the weight of the truth making itself clear. "Couldn't he have just done the movie without that?"

"You would think," she grimaced, "but some producers... when they want something, they have to get it. And well, Bruce wasn't lying, that would have sold the movie well."

"I thought we were past this," you expressed sadly. "I understand how PR relationships work. Just recently, I found myself kind of in the middle of one. But there was no pressure, it wasn't forced on us, and it was meant to be all in good fun."

"I know, sweetheart," she insisted, reaching out to squeeze your hand. "Bruce is an outlier now. Most of the time you do get lucky, with an all-around supportive production team, just like with your project with Elordi."

You hummed in agreement on that positive note, but your mind kept drifting back to Ewan.

Donna continued, wrapping up her story, "but Bruce is still here, and he still has a lot of power. But you know, it'll be fine. Ewan's got such a huge fanbase and so much talent that it'll only be a matter of time before something else knocks on his door."

You wanted to share her sense of optimism, but something ate at you. What else will Ewan have to sacrifice just to be with you? This was his dream, his one dream, and you were standing in the way. How much longer before he is offered another project but he refuses to take it for your sake? Your thoughts blurred together, bordering on irrational, but you couldn't help it.

All you could picture was the unabashed sincerity on his face, that sense of wonder, when he told you that acting had always been his dream.

Being tied down to you, this early in his career, would surely only hurt him. And you don't think you're worth it.

"Ewan loves you, sweetheart. Anyone with eyes can see that," Donna said after a while, heeding the storm brewing in your expression.

He loves you. It was true.

Less than a month in, and you've already found yourself with a love that you've never felt before. And perhaps never will again.

And that was the problem.

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Late September

The podcast moderators are overly welcoming, if not a little loud for Ewan's taste.

The BBC podcast is called Loose Ends, and it's one of the first things Ewan agreed to take on upon returning to England.

He had wanted to head straight home to Derby, to bury himself in his heartache and bitterness, but the team for the show tapped him for a couple more promotional stints, riding on the high of the season finale. And who better than Ewan to offer to the media, the undeniable fan favourite.

Clad in an old gray shirt and blue jeans, people would think he just rolled right out of bed. He didn't really have the motivation to put in more effort. The only striking thing about him is his newly bleached head of hair, supervised by his stylist for a photoshoot a few days ago.

It was ironic, the timing of such a change. Ewan knew that if word got out that you dumped him, he would never hear the end of the joke of that being the reason for his hairstyle change, typical of all heartbroken sods.

Everyone bursts into laughter when he tells them about his mum's reaction to his nude scene. It feels like going through the motions, and he must have been so out of it, so forlorn, that his team prepared an outline for him prior to the interview. The questions and answers all pre-agreed.

Make them laugh. React as required. Remember to speak when spoken to. The mantra goes on in his head.

And don't think about her.

An impossible task, worsened when a moderator goes off script and asks, "Now it wasn't me who saw this, as I'm not on social media myself, but one of our interns did mention that you ventured into Instagram recently? Is that true?"

Oh fuck.

"Mmm, yeah, I guess," Ewan laughs nervously, his hand massaging the back of his neck in a self-soothing motion.

"And your first post went viral? What can you tell us about that? Our listeners would love to know."

"Uhhhm - " He remembers that the broadcast is live, and he can't exactly ask them to edit this part out, so he quickly settles for something indirect. Inconclusive. Safe. " - did it go viral? I'm not too sure how that thing works. I haven't used any kind of social media before."

"Apparently it did! And it had to do with the subject featured in that photo, Ewan. Your costar - "

"Mmm," Ewan stops him there, "didn't you say that you don't use Instagram?"

"No, I think I'm too old!" The moderator laughs.

"It's insane, that whole thing," Ewan shakes his head. "I don't know how to handle it. I'm logged off most of the time."

"Oh, you log off?"

"Yeah, yeah, helps me keep my focus, you know. Keep calm and all that."

"It can get frivolous, can't it?"

Ewan hums in agreement, and thankfully, the moderator moves on to his last question. One that does not breach the subject of you.

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Another day means yet another media stint for Ewan, this time for Now TV.

Still in London, his stylist Davey and the rest of the team prepare him for a day of brief interview clips, to be posted on the social media pages of the company.

Davey had half-joked about Ewan needing even more concealer than usual, the shadows under his eyes having significantly deepened after the breakup.

Some of his team have gotten wind of what happened. They would curiously ask about you, how often Ewan keeps in touch with you while you're on set...

You must be on FaceTime everyday!

Is it hard to be doing long-distance so soon?

Do you miss her? Is that why you're not getting any rest?

...but Ewan would only laugh uncomfortably, dismiss it by bringing up another topic or shifting the attention to someone else, or excuse himself to go for a smoke.

He'd been drowning himself in cigarettes and caffeine during the day, pint after pint in the nighttime. Aimless.

He is coping. He knows how it must look, but he deserves this. He deserves to drift for a while. It's the only thing he can do to keep himself from jumping on the next flight to Atlanta and begging for your hand back.

You said you love him. You did. He hangs on to it like a beacon in a storm. No matter how pointless it may seem, with you choosing someone else over him.

Work is becoming something of an anchor, something that keeps him from spiralling. He's an actor, and he has always wanted to be an actor. People now have expectations of him, and he will answer the call.

The interview session begins with generic questioning, stuff he's answered before on several occasions.

How special is the bond between dragon and rider?

What is a funny moment from set that you can share?

How similar are Aemond and Daemon?

All safe. He's proud of himself for not breaking mental clarity thus far. You're in the back of his mind, dormant as a memory, and not something looming darkly over him. For a while, at least.

But then he is asked, If you could invite any 5 people to a Ewan Mitchell dinner party, who would you pick?

"Matthew McConaughey - "

You.

" - Bruce Lee. I think they could strike up an interesting conversation - "

Your name echoes in his mind, and he can't control it.

" - Andrea Riseborough. She's just a chameleon, like in any role she undertakes -

You have great taste. Even if you would make him eat spicy food again, he'll take it. He'll endure anything for you.

He's stumped for a second, lump in his throat, and his effort in avoiding you leads him to mention someone who will always be a comfort to him.

" - Maybe my nan, because I miss her -

Your name. He has to say your name. Who else? Think of someone else.. but who else? Who would be better?

" - and then, another person. Let's make it from the show... it would be Alyna Rivers."

"Oh really?" The interviewer asks. She's not really meant to respond in this instance, but she knows that the fans would go crazy about any mention of you or your character, so why not jump on this opportunity? "Can you tell us why you chose her?"

"Uhhm, well, she's just an amazing character, you know, fiercely loyal, beautiful, tenacious," Ewan replies easily, "so yeah, she would make for good company."

It is obvious that he is describing you just as much as he does Alyna Rivers, and no doubt, the fans will catch on to this detail.

Later, he's asked about his favourite part about season two, and he duly answers, "Seeing more of Aemond and Vhagar's bond and how that perhaps have gotten stronger. Aemond has definitely reined her in, after the accident at Storm's End."

Then, "There are some new additions to the show. Do you have a particular favourite?"

Another obvious piece of bait. And he takes it, he doesn't care anymore. What's the use of denying the truth?

"A favourite new character? Oh, well, uhmm... I really do like Alyna, and I think I've said before that Aemond and her are quite similar in a sense that they both know what they want and how to achieve it. It's just a shame they're on opposing sides, because if those two get together... " he trails off, leaving it up to the audiences to fill in the rest of the thought.

And they eagerly do. The clips where Ewan mentions Alyna get the most traction, flooded with comments that more or less talk of the same thing -

We know why you chose Alyna, Ewan. We know your ways.

He could have said Alys. Or Gwayne. Or even the ghost of Daeron ffs. But nooooo.... it's Alyna Alyna Alyna 😮‍💨

I wonder if she's there behind the scenes

yeah shes definitely lurking in the background!

Aemond and Alyna better have at least a scene together in season 3!!!!!

Someone kidnap Ryan Condal and make him write this

Ewan doesn't see any of it. Not that he's missing out, because he soon feels the need to call his younger cousin to ask her how to turn off his notifications on Instagram.

Day in and day out, his one single post gets dozens of new comments and likes, a brutal reminder of what he's lost. He could just delete it, and get rid of his profile entirely, but he hates to imagine the discourse that would follow.

All the invasive allegations and rumours. So he leaves it be. It makes no difference to him now. Let people believe what they want.

To his chagrin, he finds himself scrolling on his home page once in a while. The addictive element to it was true, and for him, it's exacerbated because the things he sees are often related to you.

Photos of you from fanpages and news accounts. Ones where your friends have tagged you. It's a toxic habit, looking through it all, but he can't help himself.

Then one day, as he's slouched on the seat in his London apartment, phone propped on his knees, he sees a cutout photo of his face on the corner of the screen. He clicks on it, and it's an image of him interposed among different posts. Posts which he apparently liked.

"Oh for fuck's sake," he cusses at himself, reading the caption.

Boyfriend lurking? - Ewan Mitchell may play a formidable TV villain, but in real life, he's just like us. Click on the link in bio to see his series of liked posts!

Dread takes root in him, followed by self-loathing. Why couldn't he just keep off this bloody thing? He takes to the comments to see what he has allegedly liked on accident and it's predictably photos of you - you at a premiere, stills of you as Alyna, and even, heavens fucking forbid, a behind the scenes shot of you getting pretty close with Jacob Elordi on the set of your film.

He vividly remembers seeing that last one, because he went on a bender after coming across it.

Cursing himself and his wayward, sticky fingers, he exits the app and deletes it from his phone.

Whatever goes on there, whatever people might leave on his profile, he washes his hands of it.

He calls up several of his mates, asking them if they want to come over for a few drinks.

"Again, Ewan?" one of them exclaims. "C'mon, you gotta take a breather, mate."

"I don't need a breather." I need her.

"Ewan - "

His composure breaks, all his damned frustrations rising to the surface, and he confesses, "I wonder if she thinks about me."

"Hang in there, mate. We're coming over."

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October

The director finally yells a satisfied, "Cut!"

It's only taken a good twenty-something takes for you and Jacob to nail a challenging scene. You had been on a roll since the beginning of the shoot, the last few weeks seemingly a breeze on paper, though it's a constant struggle to keep it together.

You've had to quell your internal dialogue so it does not stray to him. His smile. The feel of his skin against yours. His way of subtly picking up on details, and doing sweet things that surprise you as a result.

But you received word just before the scene that a few of your friends have come to visit, waiting back at your trailer - Phia, Fabien and his girlfriend, Bella.

And so, as if on instinct, Ewan is all you can focus on, every repressed memory of him rushing in like a tidal wave.

Do they know? What could you possibly say to justify what you did? You can only hope he took on that project, to give you a bitter sense of vindication.

It's the only thing that keeps it all the bay, the only thing that keeps you from jumping on the next flight to England and grovelling at his door.

Phia has her arms wrapped around you the moment you open the door to your trailer, loudly squealing, "I missed you!"

You sink into the hug, comforted by her presence.

As well as the fact that she represents some connection to Ewan.

Phia, Helaena. Helaena, Aemond. Aemond, Ewan.

It's a sick game to play, but it's what you have.

"Hey, yous," you hug Fabien and Bella in turn. Not long after, you're all lounging on director's chairs right outside your trailer, enjoying a bit of sun.

"How's our big Hollywood star?" Phia quips, her lips curling in her trademark pleasant upturn.

"Hardly a star," you shake your head fondly. "More of an indie darling."

"Of course, of course," she relents, before going on a monologue about how she's been keeping tabs on your project, how she just adores the costume designer whom she spoke to at length while you were working, and how the rest of the cast is rooting for you.

The rest of the cast.

"Ah, are they?" you ask, making a conscious effort to not simply blurt out his name. What does he think? Has he mentioned you at all?

Do they know?

Do they secretly hate you for what you did?

"Mhmm, right Fabs?" she says.

"Oh, definitely." Fabien agrees right away.

"How's your film? Are you done shooting in Philly?" you ask him.

"Just about done, but I think we're doing some final reshoots next week. I'm just glad my girl's here to visit," he slings an arm around Bella, who smiles and leans closer to him.

You smile at the sight, but it visibly falters. Ewan could be visiting you on set right now, just like Bella with Fabien, if you hadn't fucked it all up.

They notice.

"Love," Phia sighs, her tone softening. "I just want you know - we want you know - we're here for you, okay? No matter what you went through with... " A pause. Like saying his name would open up the floodgates.

Your gaze falls to your lap in shame. You pick on invisible lint on your trousers. Bite your lip. Breathe deeply.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

"So you guys know, huh?"

"Well, more or less," Phia says. "I just spoke with... Ewan... recently. He's back in Derby for the time being, and he's - "

"He's a bit rough," Fabien says firmly. He's not taking sides here, but he's heard from Ewan, and he feels the need to have his mate's back. "Look, I don't want to pry, but what happened? It seemed like you guys were doing so well together!"

"You don't have to tell us," Phia adds, shooting Fabien a look. "But if you want to, we're here to listen. We love you both and we just want to help, love."

You feel your eyes welling up. Leave it to Phia to be oh so sweet. You can't lie to them, you don't want to. Even if you did, they would see right through it.

Your friends know you too well.

"I... I miss him."

Phia squeezes your hand, and the whole story is about to spill out of you when you hear your name being called.

It's your assistant Clara, letting you know you're needed back on set.

You swallow back tears, standing on your feet, trying to maintain enough composure so you can grant yourself access back to your character.

"Go do your thing, superstar," Phia smiles comfortingly. "We'll be here when you're ready."

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November

"I'd like to propose a toast," Tom declares out loud in the empty pub, "to Ewan, Hollywood's new elf... Lord? Prince? Ah sod it, cheers!"

Round the table, Ewan, Fabien, Luke and Elliott all raise their pints with a collective, "Hear, hear!"

The pub has been cleared out for the lads, thanks to a favour called in by the twins, with the owner being their gym buddy and good friend.

"Thank you," Ewan replies, smirking. "I am your new elf prince, address me as such."

"Your ears have never been pointier, mate," Luke quips.

After a month of moping back home in Derby, or recovering as Ewan prefers to put it, he got a call from his manager telling him that the offer from Bruce still stands.

Apparently, the production team for the movie still had him tapped as the prime choice for the lead. After observing his audience metrics and overall viability, they decided that the movie would fare the best with him in it.

They had planted some half-baked announcements in the media, stating that it was Ewan against Joseph Quinn and Manny Jacinto for the role, and the fan reaction veered in Ewan's favour by a landslide.

Even though Bruce had an unsavoury word or two to say about him, he was willing to work past it, so long as Ewan would be more amenable to his demands.

After careful deliberation, Ewan chose to throw caution to the wind, and accept the role. So what if he has to pretend to have a real-life romance with Jenna? This is what you wanted.

"I'm glad you finally came out to see us, mate," Fabien says. "It's been a while."

"Yeah, fuck's sake. Remind us never to break your heart! That was tough to witness, you hunkerin' down out there all mopey and whatnot," Elliott laughs.

"Mmm." Ewan takes a swig of his beer to hide the wince he couldn't hold back. His friends, and most of the cast know by now, not in too much detail, of what went down between the two of you.

A typical short-lived romance of two actors. A summer fling. Most of them would look back and only see it as that.

Even though it was so much more. Even though Ewan still recalls how warm and soft and beautiful you felt as you whimpered underneath him, the loss of you as painful as getting hit by a freight train.

The liquor helps. Burying himself in work helps. Denial... well, that certainly helps the most.

When he goes out to the back garden for a smoke break with Fabien, he tricks himself into believing it's mere curiosity that compels him to say, "Phia mentioned that you guys went to Atlanta."

Fabien is rendered off guard, because he knows what's coming. "Yeah, we did. Bella came with us too. She was visiting me on set," he says, measuredly.

"Mmm." A long drag, a flick of ash towards the ground, an unaffected shrug - and eventually, with as impassive of a tone as he can muster, Ewan asks, "So how is she?"

Fabien smiles knowingly. "She's doing great. Her film's looking pretty good." He's privy to the truth, after he and Phia managed to gently coax it out of you over several martinis at a hotel bar in Atlanta. But he doesn't think it up to him to reveal that to Ewan, out of respect for your privacy.

While he might not share your sentiment, he thinks it's not in his place to tell Ewan that you basically lied for his sake.

But that doesn't mean he won't drop a helpful nugget or two.

"You know, I don't exactly know what's going on... but her and Jacob came across as nothing more than friends."

Ewan's hand freezes mid-air, the cigarette inches from his lips. He loathes the sense of hope that immediately bloomed in his chest. He's so bloody easy. One miniscule hint, and his delusions break through the wall of indifference he worked so hard to build.

"She said she has feelings for him," Ewan stresses, trying to convince himself. What was the fucking point of all this... this pain... if you never did?

"Hey, mate, I dunno," Fabien puts his hands up, "just telling you what I saw."

"It doesn't matter." It does. "She ended it." He wants you back, he will always want you back. "It's better this way."

"Is it?"

Ewan doesn't answer. He doesn't know how to, without grossly embellishing the truth.

Fabien watches his friend, sensing his hesitation as he averts his gaze. One thing becomes clear to him - you and Ewan are far from being over.

So he says, "She misses you, you know."

Ewan regards him with a stony look, one that slowly softens to reveal the broken boy inside. For but a moment, before he clears his throat and throws the butt of his cigarette on the ground.

"Let's head back inside."

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

December

You're back in London, as production for your film is paused for the upcoming holiday season.

Work is supposed to be the last thing on your mind, but it just so happens that your manager has you booked for a chemistry read for a yet undisclosed film.

Phia came over to your apartment, insisting that she help you get ready. When you asked how she found out about your audition, she was quick to say that she was up for the role as well but didn't think it was right for her.

"Why not?" you ask, as she hovers over you, patting blush on the apples of your cheeks.

"Oh, you just get a feel for these things."

"Phi, it's just a chemistry read," you say, when she reaches for the mascara. "I don't need to get all dolled up for this."

She gasps, "Oh, but this is showbiz, darling. We always have to put a face on."

"Fine," you relent. "Do your worst."

The makeup she ends up doing on you is minimal, but it enhances your features just the right amount. You rush through your final preparations, folding up the script sample you were given and stuffing it in your purse.

Phia stands out on your balcony, in the middle of a call. The window screen is slightly open, so you hear snippets of the conversation as you walk by.

"Is he ready?" she asks. Who's he? You assume it's the guy you are doing the read with.

You don't know about him, but you are ready, so you stick your head out to say, "I gotta go, Phi."

"Oh!" She startles a little, angling her phone away. "Already?"

"Yeah, the read's at 4, I believe. Just lock the door when you leave, 'kay?"

She hurriedly whispers something to her phone, presumably ending her call. "I'll actually head out with you," she grins. "My work here is done anyway."

"Any plans for the night?"

She shrugs, "Might meet with Tom and Martha."

"Oh, why don't I meet you guys after my thing?"

"Uhhhm," she chews on her lip, thinking. Under her breath, you barely hear her mumble, "... hoping you'd be busy."

"What?" A restrained chuckle escapes you, confused as to why she's being so coy.

"Nothing," she tilts her head. "We can meet if you'd like."

The weird exchange is out of your mind when you arrive at the casting agency. You run the scene through in your head as you walk in the building, up the elevator, down the long hallway.

It's a heartfelt scene, if not a little tense, a dialogue between reunited ex-lovers.

Your manager Polina and publicist Mallory greet you at the doors, swiftly briefing you before directing you in.

"They're waiting, just walk right in, doll," Polina says.

"Okay, wish me luck!" You have your hand on the door handle when Mallory strangely remarks, "Don't hate us, sweetheart!"

"Why would I - "

"Go, go," Polina guides you in, then shuts the door behind you.

The office sports an spacious and open layout, with plenty of natural light streaming through large windows. The primary workstation is partially hidden behind a subtle partition. You see silhouettes of a few people behind it, so you walk down that way.

The figures reveal themselves soon enough - the casting agents you recognise as Patrick and Amie, sitting in front of the actor you're meant to read with.

A range of emotion washes over you, but you don't even have time to reckon with them. The casting agents divert your attention from Ewan, as they approach you with wide smiles in greeting.

"So nice to finally meet you!" Amie croons. "Take a seat. You two already know each other, of course. Between us, there won't really be a question of chemistry here."

"Right?" Patrick adds, looking between you and Ewan. "The fans sure think so, and we have to say we already agree."

"So just give us a minute to set up," Amie says. "Then we'll start."

You smile stiffly, settling down on the opposite end of the couch. You keep your gaze straight, trying to keep your attention on Patrick as he sets up the camera. Your heartbeat races the entire time, and you feel your hands getting clammy.

"They're all in on it," you hear Ewan say, prompting you to finally look at him directly. You take him in hungrily, admiring his outline, ever so handsome with his Targaryen-blonde hair and black leather jacket.

A weak "Mmm?" is all you can muster.

"Our teams, Tom, Phia... they set us up. Tom came over and I overheard him on the phone with Phia."

"Oh," you mumble. He doesn't even spare you a glance, leaning on the armrest on his side of the couch. He looks as if he'd rather be anywhere but here, next to you, and it hurts.

It's what you deserve.

"Is this not a real chemistry read?" you ask meekly.

"I suppose it is," he laughs humourlessly, "but it's not a coincidence that you and I just happen to be the only ones scheduled for today." He turns to you, giving you a critical sideways glance. "Didn't see that coming, did you?"

"I... I can leave if you want - "

"Mmm," his brows furrow, "you do seem to be good at that."

You look away. He is not being fair, but you weren't neither, that wretched night back in September.

And he is making you pay for it now.

But then you hear him speak in a softer tone, "Stay."

Stay. When you look at him once more, his attention is entirely on you, arm outstretched on the couch like he just tried to reach for you but decided against it.

Stay, he asked. So you do.

It's what you should have done, months ago.

"Okay, guys. Whenever you're ready," Amie says. She and Patrick take their seats in front of you, with the camera on a stand between them.

The script crinkles on your lap as you hold it with shaky fingers. "It's been a while," you read out your opening line.

The dialogue plays out twisted and ironic, now that you know who your scene partner is.

"Hardly," Ewan responds in character. "I feel like no time as passed."

"Feels like a lifetime."

He pauses, then sighs, "Do you even miss me?"

"How... how can you even ask me that?"

"How can I - "

"Why didn't you... why didn't you fight for me?" your voice breaks, the lines hitting a bit too close to home.

"You're a fucking hypocrite," he spits with venom. "You weren't exactly giving me anything to fight for."

"I did it for us. I did it all for us." If you didn't feel like crying at the weight of the scene, you would have rolled your eyes at the similarities.

"Like I said - nothing to fight for."

"Nothing? So you're telling me I was nothing to you."

"No," he levels you with an icy look, "you were everything to me. Everything. But you left me behind, and for what? So you can run off with the rebel sect?"

"The mission needed me. You wouldn't understand." You feel a sense of relief when the sci-fi elements roll in, otherwise you might have given in to your emotions and sobbed right there on the damn couch.

"I needed you," Ewan says, eyes not leaving yours. "I needed you and you abandoned me, just like that."

"And are you not better for it? When I left, did they not make you General?"

"See, that is the difference between you and I," he says coldly. "I wouldn't have traded what we had for anything - no position, no amount of wealth, no glory... I would have chosen us every time."

"Aaand cut!" Patrick jokes, effectively breaking the tension.

The two of you have unconsciously drifted closer, now only a foot part. Ewan does not drop your gaze, watching you closely. You see his eyes flit down to your parted lips, and he leans in almost imperceptibly.

"Alright, how about we go one more time?" Amie says, diverting your attention. "Give us a different take, and then that's it!"

Ewan settles back on his end of the couch. When he reads his lines again, his tone is harsher and he no longer meets your eyes.

Patrick and Amie commend you both afterward, singing praises about your acting abilities. Ewan is polite as always, blushing and grateful, but he practically dashes out of the door when the meeting finishes.

You're left standing with Amie, as Patrick has taken to his laptop to file the footage.

"The way he looks at you," she sighs dreamily, referring to Ewan. "You'd think the sun shone out your arse, doll."

"He... he was just in character," you disagree. "He's a good actor, as you know."

"Yeah, I mean, he nailed the part's rancour perfectly. But his eyes - oof - you've got a good one there."

Oh. Of course they would still assume you and him are together.

How desperately you want it to be true.

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

An hour later, you've just sent Phia a text saying - You owe me. Where do I meet you guys?

But you hear a knock on your apartment door. If you didn't buzz anyone in, it can only be a neighbour or someone the doorman recognised.

Someone familiar to you.

And it's him.

"Ewan?"

"I need to speak with you."

You step aside so he doesn't linger at your doorway. He walks past you, a welcome if not unexpected presence in the room.

You can't decipher his expression, his gaze angled downward as he leans against your kitchen counter.

When the silence becomes almost deafening, you laugh awkwardly, about to make some silly remark on whether he is still in character. But he doesn't let you diffuse the tension.

"I want you," he blurts out without warning. "God help me, I still want you. I think I might have a fucking problem because how can I... after what you did - " A momentary glance of betrayal, but you see the spite clear in his eyes. " - but I do. I can't get you out of my system."

"I'm sorry - "

"I don't need that," he says sharply. "I don't need your sorry. I need you. I need to have you, and maybe this way, I'll satisfy whatever pointless desire I still have in me."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying - I'm asking - will you let me have you?"

"Ewan, I don't under - "

"I'm saying that we should sleep together," he says bluntly, and it feels like the rug has been pulled from under your feet, "but only just. You won't be mine, and I won't be yours."

"You're kidding."

He shakes his head, before adding, "Don't worry. It'll be our little secret. To the rest of the world, I'll have a different girlfriend anyway."

His words register, along with the bitter ache at his words, that you won't be his, he won't be yours. This is purely for pleasure. There used to be love here, and now he just craves the comfort your body allows.

You'll be using each other.

You should refuse. This is not healthy; this is not how you move on. Can you even go back to being good friends after this? But also - what have you got to lose?

What, except for him, and for good this time?

What, except everything?

"So what do you say - " He closes in on you, and with every bit of malice intended, the name no longer possessing the sweetness it once held, he sneers, "- darling?"

💌 next chapter

Taglist: @namelesslosers @skymoonandstardust @valyrianflower @luckyfirebasement @omgsuperstarg @elissanatok @callsignwidow @sinistersnakey49 @darkwriteracademia @yyrzmomo @queenofshinigamis @luvaerina @shamelessblazecrown @mirandastuckinthe80s @elleinex0x0 @pierrotlu @aegonswife @strangersunghoon @lunampacheco @writer-ann-artist @gaiaea @of-swords-and-words @ateliefloresdaprimavera @m00n5t0n3 @helaenaluvr @peachysunrize @annie-ruk @luvly-writer @ananas26t @athenafaes @lovelyteenagebeard @mamawiggers1980 @moongirl27 @katherine93 @barnes70stark @justbelljust @cloudroomblog @somestufftoday @esposadomd @girl-in-the-chairs-void @insideyourimagination @vyctorya @wildrangers @livcookesgf @onlyrealjoy (continued ... )

Some notes in the margins...

Well well well... the transition from friends to lovers to strangers to angsty FWBs sure is a slippery slope!

The time jumps are so we get through the moping quicker! It's mostly back to the regular shenanigans in the next part. Only, you know, angst-ridden. But you hurt Ewan, reader. *wags finger* Don't say you didn't expect this switch! Tsktsk

So what now - will you accept this arrangement? Will things ever be truly okay? Part 7 is going to be hot and hilarious and stupid and messy, just as the doctor ordered.

Let's hash it out in the comments, shall we? 🗡💕

[asneakyfox]

man if you haven't seen the original "ed & stede are hetero-coded" post we're wanking about rn you're really missing out

like hetero-coding is not a thing for reasons several people have already discussed. but i can think of some things a person might mean by calling a queer fictional couple "hetero-coded" where i'd be like, well, i don't think that's a good word for it but i understand what you're trying to say. for instance, there's the claim we've all heard before as part of steddyhands izcourse where people claim monogamous relationships are less queer than poly ones; that's dumb, but i understand the logic that leads to it. or if you claimed that despite being the same gender two characters are nevertheless rigidly reproducing heterosexual gender roles; again, dumb, but i'd get where it's coming from.

but the post that caused the current wave of discourse isn't saying any of that, what it says is that gay people invented the concept of emotional intimacy so ed and stede are straight because they don't stare directly into the camera while stating exactly what they're feeling in sufficiently explicit terms

[perplexingly]

Ok so you like self destructive tragic characters right. Self inflicted trauma on top of external trauma type stuff. (I've been thinking about Anders lately and you described him this way and I. can't stop thinking about it.) Can you elaborate on this type of characterization and what exactly makes a character written this way successful and not come off as just incompetent, frustrating or pure evil? I've found myself keeping an eye out for more characters like this but I haven't found any more that aren't shoved squarely in the "evil villain" box both by their source material and their fandom. As a character creator myself I'd love to write more characters like that and given how much you seem to appreciate them I'd love to hear your input. (Hope this ask isn't too weird, I just love well rounded characters that don't fit the status quo and I'll take that wherever I can get it.)

(Also, I've been replaying Skyrim recently before getting back into DA and once again our gaming interests have somehow realigned and all your posts about Enderal are tempting me to try it myself. I'm curious what mods you use, if any beyond Enderal itself? Your posts are the first I've heard of it so I'm not sure if it's even recommended to use mods lol, but I thought it was worth the ask)

Hello! Yes I love characters like that, but I’m afraid I won’t give you the analysis you need, I don’t have many thoughts in my head…

I think that characters like these do come off as all these things you mentioned (just look at all the Anders discourses around, or how Hamlet is perceived as indecisive and pathetic, Captain Ahab as insane, and Victor Frankenstein as “the real monster”), but regardless are still compelling, maybe because they often have very strong convictions, embody that “road to hell is paved with good intentions” proverb? Some of them are also just straight up charismatic (and often kind too!) and it’s easy to like that, though I don’t think that’s a necessary trait to find them interesting. (Anders came off as charming in Awakening as well, but then again, I liked the way he acted in DA2 more). Oh another thing is that they’re almost always the thing that moves the story forward.

Of the top off my head I can think mostly of self destructive characters in classic literature but I’m sure every media and every time period has plenty. Besides previously mentioned I’d also consider characters such as Captain Nemo (by the end of the story at least, for the most part he’s presented as noble and high-functioning), Jekyll of Jekyll&Hyde, Marlowe’s Faust (this one is 100% self inflicted without much external tragedy), any protagonist of any Dostoevsky book, maybe Balladyna (she’s a villainess akin to Macbeth though), maybe Orestes and Electra

Oh for modern works, definitely Captain Flint from Black Sails, Tolkien’s Turin (though there is a literal curse on his family line), Mrs Danvers from Rebecca, maybe Fitz from RotE (though he is more passive than any other character I listed here). I’m sure there are much better examples, it was all off the top of my head though :D

About Enderal, yesss I recommend it highly!! I didn’t use any mods, but there’s a bunch on Nexus (it has a separate page from Skyrim, though I believe Skyrim mods should work as well??). Enderal is more akin to a stand alone game than a mod though, for me it took 60hrs to beat and I didn’t do all of the side quests/didn’t meet all of the named npcs 🥹

Also, good luck with your endeavors!!

[projectcaramel]

Obey Me! Random Headcanon #17

The Undates' + Luke's favorite anime.

Diavolo

Relatively well-known - Gintama; it's playful, asinine, and serious all at the same time; he loves the chaos and the fourth-wall breaking. His favorite parts are those where Gintoki and Hijikata are both featured.

More obscure - Magi; he loves the entire storyline, as well as all the major characters, but if he were forced to pick one, Morgiana would be his favorite. He ardently roots for her and quietly ships her with Alibaba. (Don't let him talk to Levi about that; he will throw a party.)

Barbatos

Relatively well-known - Elfen Lied ; Leave it to Barb to enjoy the infamous one, but Elfen Lied catches his fancy because of its brutal exploration of human nature. His favorite character is Kaede (Lucy/Nyu), who ignited a particularly vicious bone in his body.

More obscure - Jigoku Shoujo (Hell Girl) ; Another callous discourse on human nature, and he has off-handedly remarked that many of the seven brothers would have been dragged off to the anime's version of Hell long already, a fact which he finds amusing.

Simeon

Well-known - Hunter x Hunter ; He's in it for both Gon and Hisoka. Gon, because he admires his resilience, and Hisoka because his character makes him itch to write even more bizarre characters.

More obscure - Trigun (1998 ver.) ; It's an oldie, a goodie, and fairly unique. He loves Vash and his ideals, and he once likened him to Lucifer, if Lucifer hadn't become hardened and cynical (the person in question did not appreciate this comparison).

Luke

Well-known - Saiki Kusuo no Psi-nan (The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.) ; he laughs at some of the ridiculous things Kusuo has to deal with, but he thinks Kusuo is too mean and arrogant. He likes Kaidou because the Chuunibyou sufferer ultimately has a good heart.

More obscure - Sakamoto desu ga? (Haven't You Heard? I'm Sakamoto.) ; another comedy anime, Luke initially had a preference for Yoshinobu before Sakamoto grew on him due to his acts of kindness and coolness. (Yes, he hummed the opening a lot.)

Solomon

Well-known - Chainsaw Man ; he initially wasn't interested until around the second or third episode. He stayed for Makima because she made him curious and soon found himself swept into the story that was more complex than Denji might have made it out to be.

More obscure - The Ancient Magus' Bride ; he thinks the story is sweet, particularly Chise's consistent exposure to the wonder of the world. He was pleasantly surprised by the turns the anime took.

-- Caramel: I had more difficulty finding well-known anime that suited this batch. --

[centrally-unplanned]

I blogged before about this company, Orange, that is an AI-powered manga translation company. Essentially, their pitch is that most manga is still (officially) untranslated, a ton of manga gets made after all but few become mainstream enough to get ported overseas. They posit the barrier to that is the cost of translation; if they could automate that process, then they can make viable for release what previously was not. That concept rests on two questions - does the tech pan out, and does the economics add up?

Recently they went live, under the name Emaqi, so we can better explore those questions. What I notice on first glance is the pitch seems to have shifted a little bit in post:

You are not the translators of Vinland Saga, Witch Hat Atelier, or Magic Knight Rayearth, very obviously so. They have Sailor Moon in here lol. These are just the official translations being cross-listed into their "manga platform", where you buy it there and it lives, DRM-locked, in their app. Which is fair enough as a model, that is just Kindle, it works. Though Kindle and a dozen others already exist, so their value-add has to be the AI translation stuff right? That is why I would choose this over another app.

Which they do have, though it is kind of buried:

"Only on emaqi" - there is no mention of the translation approach, poor guys! Can't fault the branding decision I guess given the state of the discourse. When it comes to the products themselves, I went through ~6 or so of the sample chapters of different manga, did a few spot checks with the original Japanese, and read the reviews of some others who looked into it. They seem fine! I am cautiously impressed, I think there proofers did a good job smoothing out some edges, it has a "manga tone", and while small issues like the hyphenation the reviewer above mentioned do exist and are legit noticeable, they aren't common and not a huge deal. It has flow issues? Some dialogue should link together in how it is written, but doesn't. But it isn't crazy off or anything. You will not be wowed by these, but certainly if you are someone who reads bootleg scanlations you are gonna have no problems. A lot of manga uses pretty simple vocab and isn't breaking new ground on plot, I can see how a purpose-built tool could handle it well enough.

The economics though...here is where I don't think this case was ever going to pencil out and isn't now. Because I am pretty sure no one here has heard of any of the manga listed above as exclusives. (I saw 90's manga Geobreeders in there, but that was already partially translated in the 2000's, not sure if they did a new one? Setting it aside) Which, of course you haven't, if you had it probably would have been translated! Books are a 90:10 market, most books never get read and some books get read a ton. Anything big enough can justify a professional translation, and the other can't really sell to begin with.

On top of that, their model is mass translation; which means these obscure manga are presented to you with no context, no hype, no build-up. Wtf is The Blood Blooms In the Barrens?? See, if you were like a boutique publisher, selecting "the best of the best" in untranslated manga, you would promote your specific product. Interviews, social media, the value of the brand-itself as a quality seal. Publishing less is more, actually, your value as a publisher is as a quality selector. Or you could be say the porn market, where you max quantity so people can search "foot fetish breeding kink oshi no ko" and get results; they know what they want. But they aren't doing either! And to be blunt a lot of these are not gonna sell on their art alone:

I'm not mocking The Delayed Highschool Life of a Laborer here, that is better than I could do; but if you want to me spend money on a whim the bar is high and these don't reach it. Which of course they don't, they would be professionally translated if they did.

And finally, the price - $5 dollars, for volume 1's, like a 100-200 pages. The cross-listed manga typically sells for ~$10? That isn't much cheaper! If "translation" was this big cost barrier, and all you got is cutting the price of ebooks in half, I don't know if the analysis was so solid. This is a new product, I doubt they are overcharging to make a quick buck right now - this is the "sell at cost to scale" era.

In all of their lead up press they would say things like this:

Orange's process uses AI to read the manga through image analysis and character recognition, then to translate the words into English, Chinese and other languages. The technology is specialized for manga, meaning it is able to handle wordplay and other difficult-to-translate phrases. A human translator then makes corrections and adjustments. The process can deliver a manga translation in as little as two days. Orange will work with multiple Japanese publishers. The company looks initially to complete 500 translations monthly.

But this is missing a lot of context. For one, these manga are simple high school or battle manga that are ~200 pages long, many of those pages have only a few lines of dialogue, etc. Imagine you are a professional translator, and you are given that manga to translate, all the set-up done for you, all you gotta do is write. How long do you think that would take? Not that long! It could probably take like a week if it's actually all you did (calc'd from a 10k word count manga volume, 2k is a typical "good translator" per day count - many manga are shorter than that). And note how they said "as little as two days" - not median two days! Just, you know, aspirationally.

Translation is just not a big bottleneck. You gotta do layouts, lettering, proofs, etc, these can all take just as much time - and are being done by people, they still need wage workers doing all this. But that is small fry in comparison to publishing contracts, author approvals, distribution, all of that. And most importantly, product acquisition - you have to get authors to sign with you! That can be months of work. I am sure they are trying to get bulk agreements with publishers and such, but authors will push back on that, this is not an easy endeavor.

Which is why, in above, they say they hope to have "500 translations monthly". And after a year+ of work, on launch, they have...

...18. As best I can tell at least, their site deliberately obfuscates what they actually translated versus are just hosting for resale after all.

So yeah, as mentioned I don't think the economics pencil out. These aren't worth $5 dollars, they can't actually generate volume that makes "massive economies of scale" actually valuable, and their approach is currently antithetical to the idea of generating traction for any of their individual works. Niche publishing just doesn't work this way.

But it is early days, and hey I respect the experiment! I do think the tech is pretty good, and it is nice to see a company showcase it. It isn't quite good enough yet for prime time, but it could get there. I do want more manga to get exposure and audience; I will give a fair shake to any who try.

[chaifootsteps]

What drives me most insane about all the discourse (or lack of discourse) around Hazbin is people trying to act like Angel Dust is the first ever sex worker character portrayed in media as an actual *character.* To say nothing of the fact that he's an utterly HORRIBLE representation. If anything it reinforces the idea of sex work as some bottom of the barrel hail mary for the desperate and horny. Which...no.

You want to know what most sex workers are like??? People. They're like *people.* People with interests and identities outside of their profession. They also have a lot in common with Therapists in that people go to them for comfort and sometimes literally a shoulder to cry on. The old cliche of a guy hiring a hooker only to cry about his problems isnt just for laughs. Listening to people and comforting them is a HUGE part of sex work. SO many sex workers are incredibly kind and emotionally intelligent people and not all of them only resorted to sex work out of desperation.

Angel? He's basically just a sassy, mean, gay twink stereotype rolled together with a ceaselessly horny, drug addled, asshole. Just because we're meant to feel bad for him doesnt make him a good representation.

You know some shows/movies that DO have positive rep? Bobs Burgers, Bless The Harts , GLOW, Firefly, Moulin Rouge, fucking Independence Day and yes I mean the one from 1996, and Sweet Charity which is from the goddamn 60s.

And these are just a fraction of the examples out there.

As a rule (and this is for everyone, not just the dickriders) just because YOU haven't seen/heard of something before doesnt mean it hasn't been done. Stop making all these broad judgements based on your own very narrow experience and do some research, good lord...

Dont even get me started on people trying to applaud the show for queer rep when it's literally just a Yaoi Hentai with musical numbers and twice the exploitation.

I pray to god John Waters never finds out about Hazbin because I don't need the poor man finding out all the work he did for queer culture and media has been set back decades by one spoiled rich white bitch.

And yes, Vivienne is white. Having South /Central American heritage does not automatically mean you aren't white. White is complexion, not a goddamn nationality. If you look and act white enough, you'll get treated like a white person, and Viv is about as white as they come. She grew up in goddamn bourgie-ass Frederick, Maryland. We see you, Viv.

Honestly, at the moment, I think my favorite fictional depiction of a sex worker is Tuca from Tuca & Bertie in that brief window of time she dabbled in it. Did it because she liked it and was good at it, no stereotypical Valentino-esque pimp in the picture, her clients were all regular people too, and she did it online which is something you don't often see in media. Viv could never have written something that grounded and adult.

[zukoromantic]

My precure color opinions because why not. Don't read if you think you'll be upset reading different opinions, i just wanna put this out there haha😭:

Summer is white, let her be white (this is the one i'm the most passionate about). I didn't even KNOW there was a debate on this until this year, what in the world. None of that rainbow or pink nonsense. I don't even know why she would be classified as rainbow officially. Especially when the color they TRY to force her into is pink (for example saying today's color is pink before the outro). I heard she was created to be white but i don't know the source of that so that might be wrong

i agree with Finale being golden, she gets to be golden as a treat <3. She is not purple, y'all are just mean, compare her to actual purple cures. A golden theme really suits her in my opinion, it's beautiful and elegant like her. There should be more golden cures that have some some golden accents imo :D

Parfait is green to me with rainbow sub-color, i KNOW it makes no sense and she is just a rainbow cure, but that's what she is in my brain somehow acejcdksvd

Cosmo is blue with rainbow sub-color, but SHOULD have been rainbow. Maybe with blue sub-color bc it Does with the team arrangement (also should have had her cat form in cure form but that's beside the point). I heard they WANTED to make her rainbow but weren't allowed?! Unsure about that too though

i haven't seen hugtto yet but ma cherie literally looks so pink acejcdjd. You're red? Whatever you say, girl, you can be anything you wanna be, who am i to tell you otherwise <3

Milky as green is fine, but i see why people want turquoise to just be its own category. I think her color shouldn't look different though, she looks great

similair for Lillian, except that i've seen some people giving her a wonderful light green and she would look gorgeous!

Nyammy can be a blue cure if she wants <3. Especially next to Lillian, it's obvious how white is their base color and they define themselves via the accents. But also she is literally the whitest cure ever made, let alone the whitest blue cure wcejev

Felice is fine as green cure and she's beautiful

there should be more pink non-leaders like Butterfly

bring back black as cure color. Also brown and grey would be gorgeous <3

i actually prefer when cures look kinda colorful and they AREN'T monotone. The main color is really more about the vibe in my opinion, like with Finale and Nyammy haha!

This is all light-hearted, just thought it would be fun to post these bc everyone has Some precure color opinions xD! 🙌 It's so funny how color discourse is such a serious topic in precure fandom CSJDVEK

If anyone wants to share their own opinions, you can tell but please only if it's in good faith 🙏

[paxesoterica]

Started catching up on Delicious in Dungeon/Dungeon Meshi watching (from just before the fight with the Red Dragon to Laios's party parting ways with Toshiro and Kabru).

>I've seen spoilers before about the party finding Falin and the resurrection ritual, but my goodness I still got chills watching it firsthand.

>I may or may not have been twirling a lock of hair around my finger, kicking my feet, and giggling while watching Marcille, dressed in blood-drenched robes, matter-of-factly explain that she's secretly a specialist in forbidden magic, and that she'd be using it to bring Falin back.

>Chilchuck seems to be a bit of tsun.

>Marcille you fool! Falin is *not* a little kid anymore and does *not* want you to see her as such! sigh I suppose even powerful mages can still be useless lesbians (yes I've heard there's some background trauma there too, but I haven't got that far yet, so shhh).

>I love terrifying and surreal imagery.

>I know for a fact Chilchuck is a dad with adult daughters so I can only imagine the sheer embarrassment as Senshi gave him The Talk.

>Poor Falin. : (

>Of course they used petrified!Marcille to help with food prep.

> Okay, now that I've gotten to know more about Kabru: Kabru × Laios shippers? I see your vision.

> Falin as a spellcasting dragon-griffon hybrid is pretty damn dangerous! No wonder Toshiro and Laios argued about what to do.

>WHOAH, HEY!

>So, I know there's apparently been a lot of Discourse(TM) about the fight between Laios and Toshiro, and honestly, I'm not sure why: one's socially awkward because he has trouble with social cues and understanding people when they're being indirect, the other's socially awkward because he can't speak his mind and bottles his feelings to avoid conflict. The whole thing made me more sad than anything else, but at least there seems to be hope that their friendship is salvageable.

>Kabru you silly goose! If only you hadn't been recovering from, y'know, being dead, you could have overheard Laios and Toshiro hashing things out and realized you don't need to fake it to get on Laios's good side! I hope he doesn't feel too disconcerted when he realizes he could probably have even avoided disclosing whatever background trauma he has and just said eating monsters makes him uncomfortable, and still been accepted by Laios. Hopefully he'll avoid making similar mistakes to Toshiro in his relationship with Laios.

>A couple things I will criticize Toshiro for: I don't think he's suitable for Falin, not because he's a bad guy, but because I think that, either he doesn't really understand her or he's too willing to overlook that she has similar quirks to her brother, and so any marriage would not be as happy as he'd suppose, and he'd just end up bottling up his real feelings about it again. This may not seem too dissimilar to how Marcille also tends to ignore Falin having similar quirks to Laios, and I wouldn't be surprised if the contrast wasn't deliberate, but in Marcille's case, she's shown a willingness to try to work with Laios at his level, and gradually seems to be respecting him more, and hopefully that will lead her to being more honest about how she views Falin, which will ultimately strengthen their bond.

>The other thing is that leaving a party member like Asebi behind is pretty callous (even if I can appreciate that searching for her is dangerous in the group's current circumstances). I haven't seen much, if any, fandom talk about Asebi, so I'm guessing she's not a major character, but I hope that's because Laios's party is somehow able to return her to the surface over the course of a single episode, and not because the party finds her as monster chow.

>My current observations about the show suggest that the cast is a bunch of socially awkward people driven by intense passion for their special interests, so it's small wonder that it's become popular.

[kkatastrophic]

DR VA Tierlist:

I made a Daganronpa Tierlist based on their Voice Actors performance, (THIS IS NOT MY OFFICIAL RANKING FOR THE CHARACTERS AND NOT HATING TOWARDS THE VOICE ACTORS AT ALL!!!) this is probably quite biased, and I haven't finished V3 so I don't have too much to say about that game! :)

SPOILERS FROM HERE ON OUT!

Here we go! (quick notes bc alot of characters)

I COUNTED WRONG THERE ARE ONLY 50 BUT I'M NOT BOTHERED TO CHANGE THE NUMBERS SORRY GUYS.

Did not hear you talk once blud:

51: Twogami: did not hear him talk once. Probs same as Togami.

50. Mechamaru: Same as last but with Nekomaru.

49. Kiyondo: Augh bb they gave you nothing before killing you off...

48. Rantaro: Not many voice lines, but his voice is satisfying when they are delivered. Ult. Wasted Plot Potential.

Nothing too noticeable:

47. Peko: I love her, but tbh her voice was quite bleh. Suited her character well though.

46. Sonia: I love Sonia but she was kinda mid tbh.

45. Keebo: Nothing much other than "ROBOPHOBIC!" but that might change I'm not sure.

44. Chiaki: I love her, her voice suited her, but there were no powerful lines.

43. Akane: I love her sm, one of the best DR girls, but she didn't have much going tbh.

42. Hifumi: I like how his VA portrayed the otaku thing e.g "booblust" which was funny, but honestly nothing noticeable.

Overrated:

41. Sakura: I like her, she's okay, I just don't think she did too much yk?

40. Toko: When she stutters she sounds like that one mf from "It" and that kills me every time I hear it.

39. Makoto: I dislike Makoto anyway, but saying "SHIT!" once is not a worthy performance Bryce.

38. Kyoko: Eh, her VA is good, but didn't do it for me ig

Wait I just realised I forgot to put Mukuro in the last section oopsies. And Junko should be in decent performance, mb guys don't come at me.

37. Mukuro: LOOK THIS IS WHERE SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY? Cool concept, good lines from what we heard, meant to put her in "didn't hear blud talk once"

36. Byakuya: Cool VA, nice delivery of the lines, I just think it's overrated.

Didn't Cut it For Me:

35. Yasuhiro: He was in 6 trials... and what did he give me? "OH NOOOOOO" sorry, he didn't cut it for me.

34. Chihiro: I like him (her, them? UGHH CHIHIRO GENDER DISCOURSE SUCKS BRO) but it didn't GIVE yk?

Decent Performance:

33. Ryoma: Very talented VA, but that's his normal range (a bit lower) and not many POWERFUL lines were delivered (unlike Tanaka's.)

32. Kazuichi (bc I alr did Mukuro): Ay I love Kazuichi, his performance was nice, just not the best yk?

31. Tsumugi: Haven't finished V3, I love Tsumugi but her performance is like her catchphrase. Just "Plainly-Plain" (might change later idk bro.)

30. Maki: I've grown to like her, (I'm up tp CHP.4 yippers!) but I'm WAITING for her to have her MOMENT where she's crying and screaming. I know she will. C'mon DR LET HER CRYYY-

29. Mahiru: She's decent, I like her, just not much giving yk?

28. Ibuki: Very talented VA, amazing and fun range, nice energy. Nothing jaw dropping, I enjoyed it.

27. Hajime: He drops some banger ass lines bro like goddam lil bro chillax buddy. I quite like it... I like when he realises it's Nanami and is in denial. Good job VA.

26. Mondo: AUGH HIS VOICE IS SO SATISFYING IMMA BE REAL- It's not the usual stuff his VA does but I enjoyed his performance.

25. Gonta: Ay better performance than his counter-part (same va) Hiro. He's pretty good so far, innocent too.

24. Aoi: I don't really remember trial 4 that well tbh... I didn't like it though. But I do kinda enjoy Aoi. She has nice pitch, and when she gets mad her VA puts alot into it, almost top of her tier gj.

23. Same VA as Aoi, I enjoy her performance. Her voice is fun and different, contrasting the rest of the cast with her accent. Bonus points for going from Aoi to Angie in 5 seconds.

NOT TALKED ABOUT ENOUGH!!!

22. Teruteru: Augh I love this stupid litte man for his stupid little voice. Even though he's a creep his lines are delivered VERY well, and even his accent is great. That's some talent that we NEED to talk about more often.

21. Sayaka: Babes talked three times in official-art moments and does NOT get enough credit. I enjoyed her scenes and wish that she was in a class trial.

20. Leon: Omg leosaya order?! /hj. Y'all sleeping on Grant George, like goddam. When he gets mad, he gets mad. Talk about Leon more, give this man some credit his performance was excellent!

19. Miu: Augh I don't know how to explain the itch Miu scratches whenever she speaks. Even her "VIRGIN WHORE" moment voice lines just AUGHHH. The VA was picked SO well here, it suits her perfectly and I'm tired of pretending Miu = Hifumi because they're both pervy characters. GODDAMIT MIU WAS USEFUL!

18. Hiyoko: I do not care what you say, she ATE. She fucking devoured that second trial bro, my respect went up when she did all'at. God bro I find Hiyoko mid, one of my least favourite characters, but god her VA is so talented.

17. Shuichi: I don't think I need to explain too much, but god SHUICHI!!! When Grant George is given the time to develop... augh. "Kaede... that's just so cruel..." YOU CAN HEAR THE PAIN. TALK ABOUT THIS MAN MORE!!!

16. Jill/Syo: I know she has tiktok sounds, but she did so well. She ate every single line up, she used all of her screentime so well! I genuinely love her performance, and I don't even like her!

15. Tenko: So talented... you guys please hear me out (I'M NOT BIASED AT ALL.) but when she gets official art and moments in trials that's when she flourishes. "QUICK! OPEN THE CURTAIN, ALREADY!" like so satisfying Idc what y'all say she ate it up.

14. Himiko: After Chapter 2 she just... utilised the rest of her screentime. SHE CRIED, SHE SCREAMED, SHE USED HER EMOTIONS LIKE TENKO SAID!!! I love Himiko, and she is super underrated.

13. KOREKIYO: <- THIS DUDE IS THE REASON I MADE THIS TIER LIST. GOD HE IS NOT TALKED ABOUT ENOUGH!!! I don't care about the incest plot, his FANTASTIC voice acting lets him off the hook.Not just when he snaps, but when he screams!

Listen to this exact moment. HE LITERALLY USES SO MUCH OF HIS VOICE, YOU CAN HEAR HOW WELL HE DOES IT OH MY GOD. "THERE WAS NO EVIDENCE WAS THERE, SHUICHI?!" LIKE PLEASE CAN WE TALK ABOUT HIM???

He can also speak like a girl he gets bonus points for that. Holy shit. I just love this so much. "No. I will not acknowledge it." like yes bbg u ate.

*Chefs kiss!*

11. (I KNOW I SKIPPED A NUMBER I JUST NEED IT TO BE CORRECT!!!) Nagito: He goes insane, there's no reason for me NOT to put this here. He does so well, he went from Mako-Hoe to NAGI-HOEEE!!! He ate, I fear.

10. Mikan: WHEN SHE SNAPS AND GOES INSANE, OH MY GOD SHIVERS. SHE DID SO WELL. "WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY FORGIVE ME?!?!!?!?" LIKE I CAN HEAR IT SO CLEARLY SHE DID SO GOOD BRO AUGHHHH.

9. Nekomaru: "THIS IS NEKOMARU NIDAI'S FINAL FIREWORK!" "AIR CONDITIONERS?!?!?!?" "SHIIIIIIIITTTTTT!!!" He put so much power and energy into every. single. line. EVEN HIS SINGLE-FILE VOICE LINES!!! He made it sound so natural like he talks like that every day, and props to the VA for such dedication. Respect for Neko-Nation.

8. Gundham: Augh he delivers every line so beautifully in his trial. "THIS IS FOR THE TANAKA EMPIRE!" the power behind his voice and his hero-complex make me so happy. Every time he lost it in his trial I got LITERAL CHILLS. A fantastic perfect performance oh my goddd.

7. Kaede: I don't care what y'all say she WAS SO GOOD. "I'm nothing but a cold-blooded killer!" and that scream at the end of argument anament was FIREEE! I love her sm, and her VA did so much better as Kaede then as Kyoko.

6. Celestia: I dislike Celestia, but oh my god she did so well. The quiet reserved character snaps is definetely a chapter 3 trope favourite. I hate Trail and Chapter 3 THH, but that just shows how well Celes performed, her VA went INSANE for this role, and I love that she ate it.

5. Kokichi: He deserves this spot, he does so well, every single trial, every single performance, every voice line, every interaction. It truly embodies the spirit of "chaos" yk? (Just finished trial 4 and he deserves to be 3rd on the list.)

4. Kaito: LUMINARY OF THE STARS! I don't need to say more do I? (I'm lazy pls send helppp)

YOU POURED YOUR HEART AND SOUL INTO THIS PERFORMANCE!!!:

3. Fuyuhiko: AUGH SO SATISFYING, ESPECIALLY IN THE SECOND TRIAL. He does an amazing job, has fantastic range and AUGHHHHH HIS VOICE IS SO SATISFYING.

2. Ishimaru: The amount of sheer power in every voice line astounds me every time he speaks. From "I assert that the one who was murdered was Miss Sayaka Maizono!" to "Why are you all trying to frame him?!" and everything in between, he deserves this spot on the list.

Kirumi: All we see of her is calm and reserved until she snaps. She KEEP FIGHTING until the very end. You can hear the pain in her voice, how she IS BREACHING HER LIMIT during her "I WILL NOT DIEEEE segment." also, YOU CAN HEAR HER SCREAMING IN HER EXECUTION, let me show you.

This exact moment is where you can hear her scream. JESUS CHRIST GIRL I CAN'T EVEN-

[kevlarninja]

Batgirls is Good, Actually

I haven't just posted thoughts about a comic I've been reading in literal years. And I wanted to post a bit about the recent Batgirls series.

I first heard of it when I heard that Cassandra Caine was Batgirl again along with Stephine Brown. But I also heard that the book was "cringe" and "poorly written."

Now, of course, I have learned over the years that when something is called "cringe," especially if the leads are on the younger side of things, especially if those leads are female, it's often people being performatively mad at something they didn't even read half the time. That and, frankly, I have just had enough of social media discourse around "X piece of media is TERRIBLE" because half the time it's overblown and people just join in on a bandwagon or have the worst takes. Just exhausting. Anyway, I just saw "Cass Caine is in a book with really cool art. I have to see this.

I did not regret it.

Now, I will say, unlike a lot of recent comics I've seen a lot of people online get mad at, I can't really say it's for overtly bigoted reasons. Which is surprising (and kinda sad really) to say about a book where the three main leads are female and one is non-white.

I don't even think the criticisms are invalid, really. But I think to call the book "terrible" is too strong. I thought it was a fun time and thought I'd bring up some of the issues people bring up and my thoughts.

The Narration

Now this is something I generally agree with folks on. The narration was too much at times. In the above page, you can see the narration captions describing what's plainly obvious like this is a comic from decades earlier.

Now, this is a more comedic book, and while comedy is subjective, there are also rules of thumb for understanding it. And I feel these captions either try way too hard at times to shove in jokes, or ruin the joke they are trying to make by not just stopping and adding another line that ruins what could have been a nice sly line.

That said, this one panel was great and actually what made me want to track down a trade of this.

2. The Characterization

I've seen people talk about the characterization of the characters being wrong here. And, listen, I get it. Babs is kind of dumber than usual in this book.

But I see people talk about Cass being out of character and....

...well, I feel conflicted..

Cards on the table, I follow Marvel more closely than DC (or used to anyway, before the pandemic caused me to fall off comics for a few years). And I'm more familiar with Cass's character pre-New 52/Rebirth. So I don't know how her characterization differs in that sense.

But generally? For a book with a more comedic slant, so everyone's characterization is more broad? I think it works. It feels right (especially with my head canon of reading Cass as Autistic) that Cass is kind of blunt and socially awkward.

*Nodding intensifies*

But yeah, I think Batgirls is enjoyable for what it is and frankly a little over-hated online.

That said, one thing I did roll my eyes at, dirty pinko that I am, was the villain of the first arc, Tutor. It's basically the whole MCU Flag-Smashers "what if all the people rebelling against the status quo are actually evil terrorists?" kind of plot. This isn't a great look when you already are setting up a team of villains who are part of the police state. But it's not enough to kill the book for me either.

[rewritingcanon]

i would just like to SPECIFY and go into a bit of detail about what each thing actually means:

this may not seem so bad, but when i mean they will comment on anything, i mean anything. it doesnt have to be marauder-related. it doesn’t even need to be related to harry potter. i saw a tiktok on a gorilla eating a banana and someone deadass commented “thats cool and stan james potter 😝” and lord FORBID if you include anything with snape in it. want to make an edit of him? backlash. want to talk about how you like him because hes interestingly written? backlash. want to deconstruct his character due to how badly fanon twisted him and actually analyse him? “anyways stan james potter” may be the dominant response to that, just so you know.

“sirius would never say that about mary!” said the marauder fan, heartbroken. “canon sirius would hate himself in atyd!” i respond usually with “canon sirius is a white boy in the 70s, hes not the ‘slay feminist yass 😍’ king you think he is.” this elicits quite a plethora of negative reactions, and i understand why. misogyny is stinky, no one wants their favourite character to be acting like that. so this option doesn't mean "fans who like a characterisation of sirius black that isn't necessarily time period realistic," but rather "fans who deny canon evidence for a fanon conception and then hate on things that expand on the canon evidence provided to them." "they are wizards, which isn't realistic, but you choose the time period misogyny as a hill to die on?" the marauder fan replied to me (and im quite literally quoting on what a creator said to me, this isn't an exaggeration). meanwhile canon sirius black: *harrasses snape for dressing more femininely/more outside gender norms* yeah and you think that boy would be a feminist...

you may think to yourself: when did [insert ship] become a thing? why is this happening? who even is this person? most of the time, it's all in good fun, sometimes, however, ships are created that purely contradict the entire point of said character. snily was criticised for doing exactly this, and now look at where we are.

after reading these points, you may come to the conclusion: holy shit the problem is just marauders fans. in fact, you may take it one more and remember more shit that had occurred due to this sub fandom of the harry potter universe. ever been criticised for not characterising purely fanon (dorcas, marlene etc etc) characters properly? ever been attacked for calling out the hypocritical stanning of barty, evan, regulus and peter whilst piling all blame onto bellatrix or snape? yeah me too babes.

i know we've talked about tiktok a lot, but i raise one more thing: the inescapable hell that is dracotok. this usually consists of those young teenage girls thinking they are very hardcore for participating in death eater practices despite its mirroring of being violent oppressors on a discriminated group so they can impress none other than draco malfoy. this, or they're the badass 'girlboss' that can change him. completely and ironically misunderstanding the point of his character aside, every cringey POV/thirst trap you have EVER seen on tiktok is probably replicated and 10x worse on dracotok.

i swear i haven't heard the term "gryffindork" since 2016, but alas, there has been a comeback. i call hogwarts legacy fans 'baby' hp fans, because i seriously do believe that these people have not interacted with the fandom until now. that would be okay if they weren't regressing everyone to early 2000s discourse. are gryffindors not being invited to ravenclaw, hufflepuff and slytherin raves that deep? no. but those three houses wouldn't be having raves in the first place

we've all seen them, need i explain or go into detail? "b-but harry doesn't have any chemistry with ginny!!" so he does with DRACO of all people? "b-but lily and james are basic!" dont forget the roots from whence you came. its misogyny within the fandom disguised as allyship or whatever the hell this is. ship your ships, but leave the gals alone

this didn't get on my nerves until i suffered from years and years of randoms going into detail about why slytherin/hufflepuff was the best harry potter house and then getting genuine mad when idgaf. maybe you have experienced this tragedy too. there are grown people getting into genuine online beef with others because they made a joke about slytherin being evil or hufflepuff being useless. makes me think you are just evil and useless (just kidding, but please wake up and realise that slytherin & hufflepuff quite literally do not exist)

i sympathise for people who like snape, i do. i do not sympathise for those who attempt to justify or excuse his actions. this normally comes with a side dish of misogyny, because more often than not they will find a way to blame it on lily. other times, they will blame his trauma. i want to be clear: his trauma explains his actions, it doesn't excuse them. that is the whole point of him ruining his chances with lily (not even as a lover, but as a companion). you are doing your own injustice to his character by trying to make him innocent, please stop

it's understandable why the cursed child is so hated. it's meant to be seen, not read, in my opinion. there's a lot of things in it that i too wish didn't exist. but that doesn't make it "not canon" because it upsets you. and of ALL the things that these types of people would choose to complain about, these are the things they chose: albus potter's namesakes (we've been going on about this for years like can we stop now please), harry being a 'bad dad' (think about his own upbringing a tiny bit more and maybe your brain can make a little more sense of his actions), delphi being voldemort's child (probably the only thing that i agree with these people on), and albus' name again because they REALLY hate it (but then they will counter this by saying "james sirius" is a good name, when it's still mid asf). anyway, it doesn't matter how much you squeeze your eyes shut and writhe around about it, the cursed child is canon. soz lol

[phoenixwatchesmovies]

What I'm Watching: April 2024

Back at it again with Rocky Horror Picture Show, A Knight's Tale, The Exorcist, Doom Patrol, Hard Candy, and Dead Boy Detectives. I did a lot of regular writing this month and it used up words that would have gone into this, so bear with me.

Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

A newly-engaged couple have a breakdown in an isolated area and must seek shelter at the bizarre residence of Dr. Frank-n-Furter.

I think I was still riding the very distinct high of Repo! when I decided to throw this on, and I think they'd make a good double feature. Shockingly, this was only my second all-the-way-through watch, and I can't tell you why that is, because I love this movie. I'm familiar with the discourse, but I'm in the camp of "context is everything" and back in the day? This was groundbreaking. Even now, the general celebration of embracing what gives you joy no matter what anyone else has to say about it is nothing to scoff at. And yeah, I cried at the ending. Do something about it. I am, however, ashamed to say that I did not do the time warp this time around...but I sang along, so that counts.

A Knight's Tale (2001)

After his master dies, a peasant squire, fueled by his desire for food and glory, creates a new identity for himself as a knight.

Kind of at a loss for this one, ngl. This was a combined favorite between me and my brother when we were younger, and we did in fact run through two VHS copies over the years (which reminds me that I still need to get my hands on a DVD). Not only does it hold up, but I think it's even better coming back to it after so long. The nostalgia still hits, and age/experience makes some elements hit harder. But god DAYUM, did it make me bawl. Found family, underdogs beating the odds, and Heath fucking Ledger. I'm still mourning that man, and I will until the day I die. If you've gotten used to me yelling about Mike Flanagan ensembles, then apply any one of those tirades here, because the supporting cast is Excellent™. This is the movie that introduced me to Alan Tudyk, Mark Addy, and James Purefoy, who have yet to disappoint me, and it also kick-started my crush on Paul Bettany. What can I say? I'm a sucker for the snarky smooth talkers who are simultaneously the smartest little shits in the bunch and also cringefail losers. And the soundtrack? Speaks for itself. You can't separate the music from the movie, and to this day I'll hear songs used and still think of this movie before anything else. This was the first place I heard my favorite David Bowie song! (I unfortunately lost my train of thought for the rest of this section, but) If for some reason you haven't watched this yet, I highly recommend it. It's fun, hilarious, and occasionally heartwarming. It's medieval Rocky! What else is there to say?

The Exorcist (1973)

When a young girl is possessed by a mysterious entity, her mother seeks the help of two Catholic priests to save her life.

I'm also at a loss on this one. Everyone has a few classics they just can't get on board with, and this is one of mine. Maybe it's just that religious horror doesn't do it for me, or that some nitpicks I have with the pacing and editing take me right out of it. Don't know, don't really care. None of that, of course, is to say that I think this is a bad movie, which is the most annoying part. I want to like it more than I do! Believe me! But the stuff that I take issue with kinda blow the whole thing for me. I already made a separate complaint post, so I'll focus on everything else here. Linda Blair and Ellen Burstyn carry this thing on their permanently injured backs (look up the production of this movie if you want to have a bad time) and there's no contesting that. Yeah, sure, the whole question of faith plot is no doubt compelling, it's moving as shit when good triumphs over evil, blah blah don't really care. The strongest aspect of the movie for me is the relationship between the MacNeils. You can't spend so much time establishing how close they are and how much they love (and like!) each other and expect me not to latch onto them. The entire point of that time spent is to make it hit that much harder when Chris breaks down in desperation to help her daughter. Tell me you don't feel something when she's sobbing and begging Father Karras to do something for Regan. Juxtapose that with how detached Karras is from his own mother and his guilt that he wasn't there for her when she needed someone, just for funsies.

Doom Patrol (2019-2023)

The adventures of an idealistic mad scientist and his field team of superpowered outcasts.

Ok. OK. You've been seeing my meltdowns ever since I started this, but that doesn't even scratch the surface of how weird/fun/cathartic this show is. I knew I loved it as soon as I saw certain casting announcements back in 2018 without knowing literally ANYTHING else about it. I'm just getting into season two, and I've already cried so much over these broken, chaotic, disasterpiece losers. Again, not many words for the roundup, but expect more meltdowns.

Hard Candy (2005)

Hayley's a smart, charming teenage girl. Jeff's a handsome, smooth fashion photographer. An Internet chat, a coffee shop meet-up, an impromptu fashion shoot back at Jeff's place. Jeff thinks it's his lucky night. He's in for a surprise.

Impossible--IMPOSSIBLE--to overstate how much this movie means to me. Discovering it when I was getting serious about writing changed the way I write. Learning about production changed the way I watch movies. And finding this story of all stories, exactly when I needed it, probably did more to keep me in one piece than we have time to discuss here. THANK. GOD. It still works. This one is right up there with Perfect Blue in that it skeeved me out so bad the first time I saw it that I had no intention of going back to it ever again, but the longer it sat with me, the harder it was to shake it off. The older I get, the harder it is to sit through, and I think that works 100% in its favor. I'm not about to make this standard practice, but here's the trailer, included because it's still my favorite that I've ever seen:

Leaving aside the story for awhile, the whole thing is top notch. Barring maybe fifteen minutes, the entire movie is one location and two characters. Naturally, things have to stay interesting somehow, and the script alone kicks ass. There is maybe one scene that could be cut, but that's it. Everything else builds off of everything that came before. The cinematography stays dynamic, with gorgeous wide shots and intimate close ups, smooth and sweeping movement during quiet moments and frenetic handheld action when shit goes down. The color palette of the set and the editing is harsh and atmospheric. The sound design is *chef kiss* crisp. And the performances pull all of that together. If the premise of 30-something guy and 14-year-old girl meeting online and then in person at his place isn't icky enough, then seeing how Jeff and Hayley interact with each other will do it. Patrick Wilson sells you on the charming groomer, and his casual delivery of some of these lines are, in context, fucking horrifying. Contrast that with Elliot Page, equally charming in the opposite direction, trying so hard to be mature and impressive. Each one knows they shouldn't be meeting the way they are and acknowledge how inappropriate the whole situation is, and with the first line of dialogue you get hit with this sense of dread over what is going to happen to this kid. And then the first twist happens. It's an interesting power dynamic, each trying to get one over on the other and overlaid with this commentary on predators in online spaces, how abuse victims are often dismissed and persecuted, and how the perpetrators of some of the most vile crimes you can think of never have to answer for what they do. It is baked into nearly every scene, and it could read very easily as soapboxy or heavy handed, but Page delivers it with rage and disgust, and paired with Hayley's moments of distress and vulnerability, it paints a very visceral picture that is so. Fucking. Cathartic. If I have to boil this one down to a single statement, it's "how you wish Lolita had gone."

Dead Boy Detectives (2024-)

Charles Rowland and Edwin Paine decided not to enter the afterlife to stay on Earth and investigate crimes that involve supernatural stuff.

WATCH THIS SHOW. FINISH THE WHOLE THING. I WANT A SECOND SEASON.

[buddienotes]

i know we're tired by now, but i have one take on only friends characters that i think we might be overlooking because of our own personal attachments (to them AND the actors).

you might have heard before of mirror/parallel characters (if you haven't, i'd recommend the read about it because it's very interesting) and whether it's the writers' purpose or not, i think we have these in the main six.

"Parallel characters, also known as mirror characters, are characters who share many similarities with each other. These similarities can be related to the characters' personalities, backgrounds, or motivations. By having so much in common, they are then able to highlight the differences between their decisions. The characters complement each other while revealing truths about each other that would otherwise have been difficult to spot."

my two cents on who is mirroring who in only friends is:

top - ray

mew - sand

boston - nick

if you leave favouritism at the door and pay real attention to these characters' background and personalities you'll see they're actually very similar, but they're moving on different directions because of, obviously, their different realities, surroundings, etc. what makes us, us.

top and ray are both rich kids with a sad past, and apparently problems with their parents, who ended up turning to drugs as a coping mechanism; both used to getting what they want, when they want and not taking a no for an answer. and funnily enough, maybe that's why they both despise each other (and fell for mew). i think these two are the most obvious mirror and it's what makes funnier to watch how different are the fandom's reactions for their actions every week. they're pretty much the same font, in different notebooks.

mew and sand are also easy to notice: quiet guys that are mostly worried about doing their own things and not messing with anyone's business; both very vocal about their needs and intentions and the only ones who seem to know how to draw and not to cross a line. the fact they end up getting involved with top and ray draws another interesting mirror: we can see two pairs with people that are pretty similar, but with very different routes.

it's almost like saying: hey, look at a&b and now look at c&d - this is what a&b could've been, under these circumstances - with different choices.

for boston and nick, i feel like it's more of a reach, but you can see they also have their similarities or they wouldn't have hit from the start (like let's be for real, that was insanity). i see them as the only ones that could understand each other, to the point that boston might not even think nick bugging his car was creepy (just be pissed bc it was behind his back). but then again, boston wears his insanity proudly while nick is more reserved: still, deep down they're very alike (in nick's own words, he's also nasty).

on another note, we have the public view on all of this: you just don't see them reacting with the same fervor about the similarities of the characters. for example, top has been painted as a red flag for doing things ray has as well - but ray is a lonely guy who needs love and care; not top. meanwhile, sand have been clapped as the most unproblematic character, but mew is definitely plotting something behind his good guy act. on boston and nick, there's just not much discourse even tho boston is pretty much the drama, so i'll leave it at that, but i think we took longer to judge nick for his actions, since he is quieter.

there's a quote that says:

"It is funny how different mirrors reveal different aspects, it must be like people you meet, you get to prefer the ones who show an image of you that you like." — Alain Bremond-Torrent

which i see like: even though these characters are very much alike, people keep picking this or that side because of their own perspectives on life, which don't necessarily means this or that character is in the wrong or is better than the other, but some interpretations have been muddled because of their own traits (or preferences?).

back to my first point, i don't know if the writers intended to make them like this on purpose, but the weekly discourse is showing how the reactions on very sensitive topics are just not the same if you just switch the character (or may i say, the actor?), to what i believe is one of the reasons behind writing mirror characters.

but the conclusion is, none of these characters are blank pages and they all have their wrongs. it doesn't make them villains or protagonists - they're all just parallel lines going through this mess and i wish we, as viewers, could be more impartial when judging those actions. when something is wrong, it is, no matter the one behind it. so let's stop witch-hunting some while patting the head of others.

[transsexualgriffith]

3 about berk and also if youve seen any bad Dostoevsky takes, 7 +17 for bsd, 22 berk ❤️

lord I forgot to do this. luckily you haven't answered the ask I sent you either, so I think we're even.

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

oh god on tumblr?? it's not that tumblr isn't still brimming with bad berserk takes, but I am fairly good at evading those, and besides if I wanted some truly terrible berserk analysis, I could simply go on reddit. I think "the ideal culmination of their arcs would be for guts and casca to become king and queen of midland" is, well, I've certainly never heard that one before, but I find it more funny than offensive, and truly bad takes are the ones that feel like the story is purposely being misread to fuel downright dehumanising ways of thinking; so you know what I'm giving this to the racist fyodor x reader blog that talked abt how fyodor would never lower himself to selling his body and then basically went "(like that whore griffith from berserk)" which I still think is one of the most maddening things I've witnessed. perhaps not a berserk specific take, but a tumblr moment if I've ever seen one. ofc if we were talking outside of tumblr I'd have much worse things to show for. you truly got anything from misogyny posting to to blaming people for their csa out there (its a beautiful world), but tbh one of my favourites is the "guts left bcs he was trying to escape griffiths clutches". dostoevsky I'm not sure I can think of anything particularly outrageous, you must understand the true opponent of dostoevskyblr isn't the bad takes its the people trying to disguise tiktok poetry as quotes

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because of how the fandom acts about them?

okay to start off with I don't think there's a single character in bsd that I truly hate: asagiri is too good of a character writer for this and I think the few that I do feel some disdain towards or find myself unintrested in could still be brought closer to me if asagiri could please get back to writing shoujo-esque character driven party conflicts and novels, instead of playing powerscaling with the 5th dimension. unfortunately i think the worst fanon treatment is that of my favourite characters. would be alot easier if I hated them.

i guess chuuya could almost be counted here, because although I very much like chuuya, he used to. basically be my favourite character (??) which honestly baffles me and I cannot quite understand why, but then again, that was many years ago when bsd was in a very different state, both story and fandom wise. I really don't want to look at much of fanon chuuya content and don't find him outstandingly interesting, but I will acknowledge that it is quite fruitless to complain chuuya should get so much attention even though he's "a side character" when we have asagiri to thank for two chuuya centric light novels with the approximate page count of les miserables.

i also do not really like kōyō and find the girlboss mafioso thing very weird and off putting, but it sucks to say this because there are also alot of people who clearly judge her through the misogynistic lense.

and I think everyone should shut the fuck up about mori and talk about something else. I like mori, but I actually find it quite exhausting how even when you're amongst mori likers they can never ever turn down the morality discourse, enough! I don't care what he is he's not real can we like actually talk abt his role in the story in a meaningful way. please.

this question should've been abt ships tbh fanon sskk is going to make me blast myself into the sun.

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

shibusawa content..............my woman!? I swear to god the bsd fandom is four times the size of what it was when I got here (and mind you bsd was never that underground) and yet the fic count has gone up by like ten. and I have likely seen dead apple more than any other living person so I know how bad of a movie it is (though i think you are truly missing out on the sheer amount of homoeroticism if you do not invest in it even a little bit) but no one can deny how visually appealing shibusawa's character design is, so it is crazy to me that people aren't more eager to draw her. I've also never forgiven tiktok for what they did to dazatsu. we used to have it all in like 2017. we were pioneers. but overall I don't feel unsatisfied with fan content for bsd, it's always been expansive.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

i don't know if I have a good answer for this, just because berserk is so extremely appraised that it never feels like there’s a part of canon left untalked about, but I do know that my love for the black swordsman arc far surpasses that of the average berserk fan, and though I see it discussed often enough there really isn't any fanfic or something of the sort focusing on that period in time, which is rather sad for me bcs I think guts cringfail pursuit of femto is very funny. I also just have always liked millennium falcon, and don't feel like others particularly care for the inner workings of the kushan regime, or mule, or the ganishka conflict as a whole which I think is pretty lit. the cosmology lore in those chapters is much more compelling than whatever guts has going on in mage world.

[rabbitechoes]

february was a really good month for music!!! i enjoyed so many projects from both artists i've loved for a long time and some i haven't enjoyed in the past at all. there were a few disappointing ones too, one album in particular spawning some of the most irritating discourse in a long time, but i'm trying to look at the positives!! here are my thoughts on some of the most notable projects that dropped this month!!! to check out my thoughts on some of the songs that dropped this month click here!!! also feel free to follow me on rate your music and twitter <3

What Now - Brittany Howard

🥇 ALBUM OF THE MONTH

◇ genre: psychedelic soul

When Brittany Howard dropped her first solo record, Jaime, back in 2019, I was absolutely obsessed with it. The shift from the blues rock-centric sound of her other work to the world of psychedelic soul worked extremely well. However, as with most new music I was obsessed with during that time, it feels like it was so long ago. I think the pandemic made me sort of forget a lot of these albums I once loved. For some subconscious reason, I don't revisit many of the new records I loved from late 2019 to early 2020. Jaime was unfortunately one of them. When I heard this new album was on the way, I was excited and listened to like one of the singles, but nothing more. When I finally sat down to listen to What Now, it felt like meeting up with an old friend and hitting it off almost immediately.

The opener "Earth Sign" shook me to my core on my first listen. It's spacey, slow-building, but when Howard emphatically sings that third "out thereeee" in the third verse it acts like a call to arms for the drums to come booming in. Such a cool moment moment. The next track "I Don't" is one of the more straightforward psychedelic soul cuts on the album and it's so gorgeous. I can't get enough of it. The title track picks up the pace a bit and is almost funk rock. I adore Howard's fuzzy guitar on this song. It's probably also a good time to mention how the rest of the musicians on this project do an amazing job. "Another Day" and "Prove It to You" are really interesting detours into a more dance direction. They simultaneously sound out of place while also fitting right in. I would love to hear these sounds be explored further on future albums. The album's home stretch kicks off with "Samson" which might be Howard's most intimate moment from a musical standpoint. Very bare guitar parts, organ, and some saxophones peppered in. Stunningly beautiful. She immediately fires back up for "Patience" which features some of my favorite instrumentation across the whole record. Mixing together those funky basslines and guitar licks before shifting into some sweeping keyboards on the later half of the track. "Every Color in Blue" is a phenomenal final note. Again, mixing together some subtle jazz instrumentation with Howard's awe-inspiring vocals. You just have to hear this. I've listened to this album a ton since it dropped. I'm still uncovering new things I didn't appreciate on the last listen. Please don't let this album fly under your radar!!

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

SCRAPYARD - Quadeca

◇ genres: art pop, experimental hip hop, electronic

I'll be honest, I didn't know who Quadeca was before his last album I Didn't Mean to Haunt You. I learned after the fact that he was a YouTuber and that many were shocked he had made an album that good. The quality for "YouTuber music" is nearly in the dirt, but that record kind of pushed Quadeca out of the label of "YouTuber music." I enjoyed the album a good bit, although I found him to be a bit overhyped by many following its release. I don't know if that's where my lack of knowledge on Quadeca comes into play, but it's just how I felt. Then comes SCRAPYARD and I'm forced to eat the biggest crow ever. This new mixtape from Quadeca has him showcasing his range as not just a producer, but a rapper, lyricist, and multi-instrumentalist as well. Opener "Dustcutter" is an emo-rap track with elements of art pop mixed in and it's amazing. His exasperated, frantic delivery at various points throughout the track creates this very anxious tension that feels almost palpable. The next track, "A la carte" with brakence, picks up the pace a bit and the two work very well together. "Pretty Privilege" veers heavily into the art pop and it's so great. Hits pretty close to home as someone who has struggled with body image issues and Quadeca handles these themes in a tactful way. "Easier" shows another switch-up as he delves into some folktronica. He shows so much more depth as an artist here and to think this is the "scrapyard." One of the more no-frills hip hop tracks here is "Guess Who?" and it's a fun listen. The final three tracks are extremely poignant and offer some of the most intimate moments on the record. "U Tried That Thing Where Ur Human" reminds me a bit of a Xiu Xiu track except a bit less ... Xiu Xiu. "Guide Dog" is a really emotional indie folk cut and one that grows on me over reoccurring listens. "Texas Blue" is the most I've enjoyed a Kevin Abstract feature since like high school. Quadeca and Abstract have an incredible chemistry here. It really feels like the perfect way to end this project. Quadeca, I'm sorry for thinking you were overhyped. This SCRAPYARD mixtape is exceptional and I can't wait to hear what you do next.

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Where we've been, Where we go from here - Friko

◇ genre: indie rock

Many reviewers have drawn a clear line of influence from Where we've been, Where we go from here and indie rock of the 2000s. Those reviewers would be absolutely correct too. If you told me this was an indie rock staple of that era with a Pitchfork Best New Music review to its name, I might believe you. However, this is a band's debut album in the year 2024. One of the most exciting in recent memory, made even more so by Friko being relatively unknown before this project. It's like it appeared out of thin air. Randomly here's one of the most polished indie rock albums in a while that puts a modern twist on an old formula. An old formula that I have a soft spot for, for better or for worse. Even by the opener, "Where We've Been," I knew this album was something special, at least for me. Vocalist and guitarist Niko Kapetan absolutely steals the show here. His voice is shaky, but effortlessly melodic. "Crimson to Chrome" has one of the most memorable choruses I've heard in a minute, it's been stuck in my head for days. Drummer Bailey Minzenberger really kills it here too. The energy keeps up on the next track "Crashing Through." Those first three tracks alone are a hell of a statement for a debut record. "Chemical" veers into the post-punk and shows the band's range very well. Even when the band get a bit quieter like on "Until I'm With You Again," there's still just this ... energy to it all. Friko sound so confident here, like they know they're gonna be a big name in the genre in a very short time. I hope I'm right about that because this album is amazing. I was a bit floored by how much I enjoyed this. Incredibly excited to see what Friko have in store for us next.

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

PHASOR - Helado Negro

◇ genres: indietronica, neo-psychedelia

Similarly to Brittany Howard, Roberto Carlos Lange's music has escaped me over the last few years. I enjoyed his 2019 album This Is How You Smile, but I just kind of lost track of him. However, I saw his new album PHASOR getting some buzz and I decided to check it out. I'm glad I did! It's a gorgeous album full of sweet, borderline ambient songs. "I Just Want to Wake Up With You" is such a simple song, but it's so enjoyable. The repetition of the chorus never feels irritating because the production and instrumentation are so nice. It almost feels like you're swimming and the little synth flourishes remind me of early electronic music from the 70's. The whole album is full of stuff like that too. It's such an easy listen. Each song just breezes past you so gently. It doesn't demand your attention, but if you decide to give it some you will be rewarded. "Out There" sounds so cool and more complex than some of the other songs here while not losing the subtlety of the album. "Best For You and Me" is similar in this aspect too with its driving piano chords and fuzzy synths bubbling up underneath Lange's soft vocals. The most raucous track here is the opener "LFO (Lupe Finds Olivieros)" which is a cool mix of indie rock with the rest of the album's spacey synth work. This album has really grown on me over multiple listens. It's so easy to throw on whenever. It fits nearly every mood and doesn't overstay its welcome at all. It's also reminded me to go back and revisit more of his work from the past! 

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

She Reaches Out to She Reaches Out to She - Chelsea Wolfe

◇ genres: darkwave, post-industrial

Chelsea Wolfe is a name that sounded vaguely familiar to me before I listened to her new record She Reaches Out to She Reaches Out to She, but I'm pretty sure I've never heard any of her stuff before this. Upon listening, I have a strong desire to dive into her back catalog. This album is excellently produced and wonderfully written. These songs are dark and often chilling. Both due to Wolfe's unique vocals and the production. You're thrown right into it with "Whispers In The Echo Chamber" as Wolfe sings about seeing things "beyond reality" and the dark synths really accentuate that feeling. The song eventually builds into a big industrial burst with a ripping guitar part towards the end of the track. I loved the range presented here and it's present across the whole album. Wolfe shines in both the softer moments and the louder moments. "House of Self-Undoing" is more straight-forward industrial rock. Even amidst the wild drums and guitars, Wolfe's vocals stand out. The lyricism here strikes a nice balance between substance and style. The majority of the tracks here have at least one lyric that is razor sharp despite the ethereal vocals. "The Liminal" is a really great trip-hop cut and an unexpected, but welcome change of pace after the slow-burning "Tunnel Lights." As was "Eyes Like Nightshade" which blends elements from dance music into this dark world Wolfe is creating. It's such an easy album to get sucked into. Even with the sonic shifts, these songs immerse you in their weird world. The album ends with one of its most fiery moments, "Dusk," as Wolfe aptly sings "and I will go through the fire" as the heavy industrial guitars and drums almost drown her out. I really loved this album. Wolfe managed to balance both the chaos and relative tranquility on the album just by her performance alone. Really need to listen to more of her stuff!

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

All Life Long - Kali Malone

◇ genres: drone, holy minimalism

My first introduction to Kali Malone's work was through her 2022 album Living Torch. A really interesting two part, 33-minute drone piece that had a really dark atmosphere to it. Her last album, Does Spring Hide Its Joy, was way more expansive at three hours. I had to listen to it over multiple days. It played on a lot of the themes of the previous, except grander. This new album is trimmed down a bit, but it has some of her strongest material. Opening the album with the choral "Passage Through the Spheres" is a very interesting choice. It doesn't really sound like much of the album musically, but it sets the tone very well. All Life Long sounds like the album art suggests. Everything feels cold. Maybe not the standing the snow kind of cold, but a really strong, uncomfortable chill. The title track, split into versions both for organ and voice, is a big highlight here. Malone's plodding organ on the former feels like you're stepping into somewhere you shouldn't be. It sounds haunted. "No Sun to Burn (for Brass)" lightens the mood just a bit and is a really striking minimalist composition. "Prisoned on Watery Shore" is a mellow drone cut and it keeps you hooked the whole time. Just by the first four tracks Malone has taken us down so many avenues and flexed her range as a composer. I love the dark droney synths and little organ flourishes on "Fastened Maze." I do like when Malone works with a brass quintet and the choirs, but they really shine with the drone stuff. She's so good at creating distinct atmospheres in each of her compositions. All Life Long might be my favorite project of Malone's yet. The majority of the songs here are really well composed and evoked some kind of reaction from me. Not sure if I would recommend starting with it if you're new to Malone's work, I would say Living Torch is still the best entry point, but definitely give this a listen after.

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Prelude to Ecstasy - The Last Dinner Party

◇ genre: indie rock, glam rock, pop rock

I mentioned this in my singles & songs post from last month, but I have been loving the singles leading up to this album. Even if the entire debut from the London glam rock band didn't live up to the hype those songs gave me, I would still be pretty satisfied. Luckily, Prelude to Ecstasy is a really good debut. The band dives into themes of gender, generational trauma, and toxic relationships accompanied by some catchy, cathartic songwriting. The best example of this is the band's biggest hit thus far, "Nothing Matters." I touched on it briefly in the aforementioned post from last month, but I just adore that song. One of the most well-crafted rock songs of the decade so far. That chorus sticks with you for days. I wish I could be a bit contrarian and say that the biggest hit isn't the best song, but I just can't here. That isn't to say the rest of the material here is weak, far from it, this album is loaded with great songs. "Burn Alive" veers into a more post-punk sound which fits the band so well. The lyrics discuss turning pain into art and lead vocalist Abigail Morris has defined it as the band's "mission statement." Very strong start to the record. I wrote about how great "Caesar on a TV Screen" was last month, but I enjoyed it even more in the context of the album. "Sinner" is another great example of the band's glam rock sound. It sounds so classic, but not in the extra-derivative Greta Van Fleet way. They use these sounds from the past and put their own spin on it. All in all, this is a very strong debut album. Occasionally the band can drift into the generic, but those moments are few and far between. They're even more forgivable when you compare them to what other new stuff is playing on your local alternative station. I'll definitely take it over any son of Mumford.

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Loss of Life - MGMT

◇ genre: neo-psychedelia

Nearly 6 years removed from their stellar previous album, Little Dark Age, MGMT have finally returned with Loss of Life. An album that sees them leaning away from the synth-heavy sound of the previous in favor of a more organic sound. Guitars and the occasional piano are usually the driving force behind these songs. The psychedelia present through all of their work is also here which is to be expected. The album opens with "Loss of Life Pt. 2," which features some of the most electronic instrumentation across the whole record and a lot of it would be reprised for the closing title track. Lead single "Mother Nature" follows it and it really was the perfect choice for a lead single. It introduces this "era" of the band perfectly. More organic instrumentation, more mature lyrics, while still having those hooks that really stick with you. I think this is one of the best songs the band have ever made and while a lot of the songs following don't reach those heights, plenty come very close. "People In The Streets" follows the same formula as that song, but way more mellow. I love the bass on this track, it's so prevalent in the mix. The next track "Bubblegum Dog" is almost glam rock and they pull off that sound pretty well. The lyrics feel like a meditation on the creative process and moving forward. Interesting themes that I'm interested in hearing from them at this stage in their career. A lot of the songs here, as good as most of them are, just leave me wanting a little bit more. I often found myself wanting the band to take a few more risks and get a bit wilder on the musical front. I feel like you could've explored these more mature themes while also getting a bit crazier with it. As this album dropped only last week, I don't feel like my opinions on it are fully formed. Maybe I'll enjoy it more over more listens as the year rolls on. For the most part, Loss of Life is a really good return for the band and an interesting release in their discography.

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Still - Erika de Casier

◇ genre: contemporary r&b

Erika de Casier had been on my radar for years, but I never got around to listening to any of her albums in full. I was inspired to listen to her new album due to her incredible single from last month, "Lucky." A really sleek, atmospheric drum and bass cut with a killer hook and production that still wows me even after multiple listens. It's probably still my favorite track on the album, but that's not to say there aren't other amazing tracks on Still. The reggaetón undertones of "Home Alone" were a very welcome surprise. "ice" is has a very funky bassline and a nice feature from They Hate Change. "Believe It" has a subtle bit of trip-hop thrown in and some of my favorite hooks on the whole record. The album's sounds are deceptively eclectic as de Casier blends them together so well. The incredible production across Still can sometimes be to its detriment. On a few tracks, the production feels let down by some weak songwriting. Not bad by any means, but I just wish there was a bit more of an edge to them. de Casier is a very good pop songwriter and pretty much every track has a good hook, chorus, etc., but it doesn't leave much of an impact beyond that. "Ex-Girlfriend" and "Twice" are examples of this. Really nice beats, but I feel like they never reach the heights they have the potential to. Even with those gripes, Still is a really well-crafted record and there is no shortage of great stuff here.

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Other Rooms - Adriaan de Roover

◇ genres: ambient, electroacoustic

I don't know much about Adriaan de Roover at all. I found this album on the front page of Bandcamp and decided to check it out because the genres looked appealing. Sometimes you need a good ambient album and Other Rooms is a satisfying listen. There are some gorgeous ambient soundscapes on this project with some glitchy moments peppered in. In fact, the album starts off with one of those moments. "Yet" has these prickly, glitchy synths throughout, yet an almost eerie wave of noise accompanies them. It creates a really cool dynamic. If you're just looking for some good ol' ambient, check out the tracks "Homebound" and "Dank U." My favorite piece here is the title track. It features some nice ambient synth-work alongside these distant choir-like vocals and some chilling piano chords thrown in. The backend of the tracks turns to something far more sinister with one of the most outwardly unsettling dark warbles. There always feels like there's something underneath a lot of the songs. I just wish it was a bit more fleshed out. At just under 30-minutes in length, I feel like there was a bit more to explore. Still definitely worth checking out if you're looking for a good ambient album with a decent amount of depth to dive into.

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud (not available) YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Club Shy - Shygirl

◇ genres: house, dance-pop

There's not really much to say about this new Shygirl EP except that it's a really strong, concise collection of house and dance-pop tracks. A bit of a detour from the sound of her previous album Nymph, but it works so well. She works with a ton of different producers here and it's incredible how cohesive it all sounds. Every track hits and there's very rarely a dull moment. "4eva" and "thicc" are probably the biggest highlights here for me. I'm a total, anti-social geek that doesn't go to clubs, but those songs make me want to. If you need a quick collection of thumping club songs, look no further.

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Unwired Detour - Asian Glow

◇ genres: noise pop, indietronica

I've listened to a decent amount of Asian Glow's work over the last few years. They've been involved in some pretty interesting projects throughout the decade so far both on their own and with other noisy/shoegaze artists such as Weatherday and Parannoul. They played bass on the latter's After the Night live album which was one of my favorites last year. However, it seems as though the Asian Glow project is coming to an end with Unwired Detour. They announced on their Bandcamp that this would be the "last album [they'll] ever release for Asian Glow." It doesn't feel like your typical "final album" though, at least to me. I'm sure it has a lot more personal significance for the artist, but this just sounds like an extremely promising album from a young artist and one that could be a stepping stone to much greater heights.

The album features some really good noise pop/indietronica tracks with some having more of a rock edge than others. "Ashes" is one of my favorite cuts here because of that rock edge. It also feels like one of the more lively tracks here from a production standpoint. I feel the same way about "Kuroitamago #2" and "Faucet." This album is at its best when they cut loose a bit. A lot of these songs are really good, but the production feels like a big barrier preventing them from reaching that next level. Like on the opener "Down in the sink" which is just begging to be free from the Wall of Sound production style. I still think on the whole this project is worth checking out. I also am excited to hear whatever comes next from the artist formerly known as Asian Glow.

listen here: Apple Music (not available) Spotify (not available) Bandcamp SoundCloud (not available) YouTube (not available) ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

2093 - Yeat

◇ genres: industrial hip hop, experimental hip hop, trap

I haven't really been crazy about a lot of Yeat's music, but 2093 is probably his strongest album to date. There are so many really cool ideas here and there are some awesome moments here from a production standpoint. However, it would be even better if it were reigned in and shortened by maybe even 20 minutes. He commits to the concept of 2093 and being in the future, but that kinda wears thin when multiple songs hammer that concept home over and over again. On the whole it can be a very tiresome listen made somewhat worthwhile due to a large number of highlights. "Morë" and "U Should Know" are my two favorite tracks on the album if just for the beats alone. They sound so cool and the former dives into the industrial hip hop sound really well. Yeat's bars are pretty nice for the most part, he's not my favorite rapper and often he never surpasses the "this is fine" territory, but he works within these songs very well. I'll always be a sucker for reoccurring lyrical themes across an album. Lil Wayne locked in for his verse on "Lyfestylë" which makes it another standout. I really had a difficult time getting into the later half of the album, but the penultimate track "If We Being Rëal" brought me back into it. There is a really, really solid album within 2093. If you took the cream of the crop and maybe saved the rest for a deluxe edition, you would be absolutely golden.

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp (not available) SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

TANGK - IDLES

◇ genre: art rock, post-punk

IDLES decided to switch things up going into their fifth studio album, partially stepping away from the raucous energy of their previous work in favor of something softer, less aggressive. They enlist the help of Nigel Godrich and frequent collaborator Kenny Beats for the bulk of production duties here. Godrich especially has heaps of experience in the art rock world mainly through his production work on every Radiohead studio album besides Pablo Honey. The production really is one of the standout things about TANGK, unfortunately I don't really know if IDLES is the best at making the most of it. This isn't a bad album by any means and I do warm up to it bit by bit after every listen, but I can't help but feel like a lot of this is underwhelming. I'm all for bands expanding their sound and trying different things, but I feel like IDLES lose a good bit of their charm by going into this direction. The best moments on the album are the ones reminiscent of the wild energy of their previous work. Especially "Dancers", a collab with LCD Soundsystem and a track that somehow flew under my radar last year. That swinging chorus rules so hard. "Hall & Oates" is another massive highlight for a lot of the same reasons. "Gift Horse" is awesome too and shows the band kinda leaning further towards dance-punk.

IDLES really thrive with that rough around the edges sound. Not all of their forays away from it are bad, in fact, none of them are really. Many just feel kinda boring.

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Drop 7 - Little Simz

◇ genres: UK hip hop, electronic dance music

It breaks my heart to write this, but Drop 7 was underwhelming. Little Simz is one of my favorite artists going today and her last three studio albums are absolutely incredible. Her 2021 album Sometimes I Might Be Introvert was my favorite album of that year and I would give it a very prestigious 10/10 score!! I was so hyped for this EP once she started teasing it on social media. The snippets showed her venturing into some more electronic production and I was intrigued. Unfortunately, those experiments don't really come together to make a great EP. There are some really good moments though. The opener "Mood Swings" is great and shows her feeling right at home with this style. The next track "Fever" is also one of the better cuts here, but it highlights a big issue I have with this project. Her typical incredible flows and lyricism aren't really present here across this EP. Most of the time her bars feel like an afterthought and oftentimes there isn't much else to carry the tracks on any other front besides that. One of the only exceptions is "SOS" which is a nice tribal house track that makes me want to dive into the genre more. I'm trying not to be too harsh on this EP because it's obvious she uses the Drop EPs to experiment and test out ideas, but Drop 7 left a lot to be desired. I don't think this journey into electronic/house music is a bad idea, but I just hope it can be fleshed out properly on her next full-length project.

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Vultures 1 - Kanye West & Ty Dolla $ign

◇ genres: pop rap, trap, alternative r&b

It feels pointless to dive into Kanye's weird, antisemitic antics over the last year or so. He obviously doesn't care and his ardent supporters don't either. "Separate the art from the artist!" they cry meanwhile said artist is making light of his antics in the art itself. Thus making it impossible to separate it from him. So that begs the question ... why do people still cling to him? Does the man who just a few months ago uttered the phrase "Jesus Christ, Hitler, Ye — third party, sponsor that" still make good music? Maybe if the beats go hard enough you can forgive and forget as he boasts about still being "the king" despite his vile antics? Unfortunately for the Kanye fans, this might be his worst album to date. No longer can they use the shield of "but he still makes good music!" I've tried to write about how I feel about this album over and over again, but it's so frustrating. Pretty much every song has a fair amount of bullshit thrown in which makes the whole thing unenjoyable. "Stars" is a decent opener until Kanye says "Keep a few Jews on the staff now" as if it somehow absolves him of his past remarks. "Keys to My Life" has a cool beat, but Kanye's verses are some of the weakest of his career. "Talking" probably has the least amount of bullshit and it can be a bit touching at times. "Back to Me" ranks among the worst things Kanye's ever touched. Everything about it irritates me, I don't even enjoy the Freddie Gibbs feature. The same can be said about "Hoodrat." "Do It" isn't offensively bad, but it bores me to tears. "Burn" is just pathetic as Kanye tries to get a quick nostalgia pop because the beat and his flow are sort of reminiscent of The College Dropout era, y'know when he made good music. "Fuk Sumn" and "Carnival" are the most enjoyable tracks here, but I can't see myself ever really going back to them. The title track isn't good and is proof Kanye has lost pretty much all of his sauce. The last two tracks, "Problematic" and "King," are embarrassing. The former where Kanye refers to his current wife as a "reference" to his ex-wife Kim Kardashian and the latter where he says he's "still the king!" despite people rightfully calling out his behavior. These over-the-top egotistical bars would at least be a little bit forgivable if the songs were any good, but they aren't. I almost forgot to mention this is a collab with Ty Dolla $ign and while he has some decent moments (his verse on "Talking" is a genuine highlight), as he says on the track "Paid," he's "just here to get paid." Vultures 1 has to be one of the worst albums by an artist of Kanye West's standing. Someone responsible for making some of the most influential music of the last two decades having a fall from grace this hard and fast would be sad if he weren't such a massive piece of shit. My apologies for going in on this album, but if you know me you will know that I used to be a massive fan of this man's music. I own like half of his discography on vinyl and I stuck with him through so much bullshit. I'm catching up on my Kanye hate after many years of being a delusional dickrider of his. He's making it easy too, not just with his antisemitism, but with this bad record too.

listen here: don't, listen to something good instead ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Slut Pop Miami - Kim Petras

◇ genres: dance-pop, house, electropop

I really am rooting for Kim Petras. I thought she was making some cool stuff near the end of the 2010s, but I just haven't been able to get into anything she's dropped lately. Especially these Slut Pop projects. It was already uncomfortable how often Petras collaborated with alleged sexual abuser Dr. Luke, but releasing a bunch of hypersexual bangers produced by him is just very uncomfortable and tone deaf on many different levels.

listen here: don't, listen to Club Shy for ur house and dance-pop fix this month ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ thanks for reading <3