#If this ends i don't think i could ever date again
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allpiesforourown · 24 hours ago
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Hello there!
I was scrolling through your asshole roommate Bingge tag and that one poll about fake dating and well, now you got me thinking
If Shen Yuan ever gets a stalker that ends up with the EXACT SAME obssessive friend/intended lover vibes as Binghe and clearly believes Shen Yuan is HERS because she cares so much about him and his health and his happiness and what could make her dear A-Yuan than being taken care of by a beautiful woman like her, who clearly loves him with body and soul and AGAIN, she's a woman and he's straight so why not become a couple?
And also, like Binghe, she's INCREDIBLY stubborn and will not. Give. Up. until Shen Yuan is her boyfriend and completely dependant on her
What would Binghe do? How would he react? Because she has the same logic as him (except for the romance bit, but not really lol), so she's not wrong, but how can he avoid her claiming if Shen Yuan is single/unclaimed? She's clearly becoming a thorn in his side because she CLEARLY wants Binghe's place in Shen Yuan's life and heart and that. Will. Not. Do. Shen Yuan is HIS to care for, HIS to protect, HIS to love and possess.
EXACTLYYY Binghe would insist on being Shen Yuan's "bodyguard" and accompanying him everywhere. They already went together everywhere but now Binghe holds Shen Yuan's hand or keeps his arm around Shen Yuan's waist. He's not letting Yuan-ge out of reach for a second with that sicko around!
Luo Binghe catches a flash of her and immediate pulls Yuan-ge into his chest so he doesn't see her and ruin his day. Shen Yuan is so flustered by this new possessive protectiveness..
Anyway not to get dark but people would kind of tolerate this girl until she goes too far and shen yuan actually feels threatened. At first he's like "Binghe, it's just an admirer whos a little aggressive" but then she actually breaks into their house while they're out and moves things and when shen yuan shows he's scared, she's DEALT with.
Don't mess with the guy who has 1) the war god 2) a rich family that dotes on him 3) Yue Qingyuan 4) Luo Binghe. If she survives, she's VERY lucky
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afreakingdork · 1 day ago
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Weak Spot Donnie Ref Sheet
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Y'all genuinely have no idea how happy I am right now. With many, many years of work, the Weak Spot Donatello ref sheet is finally done and @garbagemilkshake is truly one of the greatest people to ever grace this planet. I say with full honesty that WS would not have near the same visual impact without their art. Now that this treasure is finally a reality, I'm holding nothing back. Below I breakdown all kinds of detail about what you see above and all I can say before that is thank you to each and every one of you who've been kind enough to read my work! This one goes out to you!
Villain's Mark Reference Sheets:
S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. - Donatello - Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Raphael
PREFACE TIME!
Now it may seem like way overdue from the outsider perspective, but let me tell you, I have been trying near non-stop to get this damn thing done. Interest in getting WS Donnie's ref sheet made dates all the way back to around Chapter 9ish of Weak Spot, but very technically to April of 2023. An artist was commissioned to make it and all I will say on that matter is that they decided they could not continue. Thus began my new search. There was a ton of criteria: Someone willing to make a ref sheet of this size, someone willing to associate with NSFW content, and someone willing to do mechanical props.
Unfortunately, I would fruitlessly search until eventually I had Garbage on as a chapter artist. I eventually asked if Garbage was up to it (they totally were) and we decided to test out the other turtle's ref sheets first. It may not seem like it, but a ref sheet of this size is an ENORMOUS undertaking. I seriously cannot praise Garbage enough. As you all know, the other turts ref sheets were stunning. We planned out what was needed for Donnie's and starting May 2024, work began. Garbage would routinely take time off of doing chapter art or what need be (I'm too discombobulated to remember when their vacation was). Their happiness and life takes top priority in my book and after all the time I'd spent searching for someone just to do the ref sheet, I did not mind it getting sidelined in the slightest. Garbage was doing me a huge favor after all, commission or not!
BUT WHO CARES!! WE'RE HERE AND IT'S DONE!!! 🎉🎉🎉
Let's get into it with the turnaround!
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The turnaround! Finally we have the definitive collection of Donnie's scars! it was tricky and we ended up needing to label him like some anatomical model to get all the mentions in. Some scars will look a little familiar to you and other's might not, but dang, I sure did a TON of scar research. From hypertrophic (raised scars) to atrophic (scar that don't have enough scar tissue to heal and are sunken in comparison) to how sharp blades versus dull ones cut skin raise what kind of scars. I have a bunch of gorey references for all that, but I doubt anyone wants to see that. Instead let's go into inspirations and the like:
First off, in spot 4, Donnie's electrical scars!
You probably think I ripped them off from Replica or Unknown and that wouldn't be totally wrong, but it wouldn't be right. Obviously I'm a huge fan of both artists (go support their patreons), but my thoughts were always more in the camp of getting Villain Donnie from A to B. I was planning alongside a canon timeline and my thoughts were he would have definitely created himself a pair of show goggles, but there was no way, with what he went through, that those would make it to adulthood. When I considered where he was mostly likely to lose them and that I wanted him to give himself laser eye surgery (again, show accurate, he had glasses once!) that I could knock both out if he were to have damaged the goggles, rendering him deaf and needing cochlear implants.
Now spot 2, the body augmentation, reaches outside the fandom and to Megalo Box of all things!
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I only watched an episode or so, but the way Joe scrapped together gear was something that stuck with me. When I was conceptualizing WS Donnie and came to the conclusion he didn't have ninpo, I thought a lot about what he would do when the others got there. The logical conclusion was turning towards his tech and Megalo Box was right there with the idea.
Donnie's body augmentation gear has not been depicted as of yet, but it absolutely looks like something out of Megalo Box. I additionally did research into other wearable tech and came across the ExoArm.
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Studying their information on what nerve points and muscles needed to be hit was what helped me ultimately decide where the extraction points on Donnie's arm would be. The starbursts on Donnie's arm are where the pins for the device were forceably torn out when they 'failed' him. The lines between them are where the wires that connected pin points were similarly torn out. They created finer scars.
I want to highlight the barely seen spot 7, Neural Implant, with an extreme close up:
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It may seem like just the curvature of his noggin, but it's actually Donnie's one clean scar. It was his only surgery he was truly careful with as it chanced his brain stem and spine if he messed up. Without his ninpo, he implanted a chip to coordinate with his tech more seamlessly. It's inspired by the fic Switch by unorthodoxx, which shout-out! Again, if someone comes up with a neat concept, that stuff sticks with me!
Spot 6, Mystic Chains aka where Donnie got his foot ripped off and it might not be for the reason you think. I wanted to make mention here, that you might remember the chapter art from chapter 43 of Weak Spot and that Donnie did not have a port sticking out back then. That's growth kids because it took me until after to realize that he would need something inserted to connect to a working prosthetic.
Finally, it was tough to figure out how best to depict all of Donnie's shell damage. It's reveal is such a huge moment in Weak Spot and I knew he would have what was basically insurmountable damage to have made it a specific weak spot to him (if you know what I'm saying 😏) The number 8, spike holes are just that, Donnie hit some spikes. Think of him having been shut in like an iron maiden or maybe trapped by a spike wall that was reminiscent of the ones in the Maze of Death in the Minotaur Maze episode of canon.
As for spot 10, Shredder, we see this Donnie suffered for not having a bulkier battle shell. When he was attacked by shredder in this moment:
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His shell took that damage directly.
The last spot I want to touch on is 9, the Odachi marks, the larger blob one is when Leo attempted to, but held back from severing Donnie's spine and the other is from Leo trimming Donnie's spines (aka from being a Spiny Softshell). I made this extremely helpful infographic to explain to Garbage at one point exactly what was trimmed off in the latter:
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Moving on to outfit variants and expressions!
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I hope this section is pretty self explanatory, but I did want to make a note: Donnie wears his wraps as seen in Lounge Looks around his arms and neck under all his clothing and at most hours due to his constant pain. Also, the examples of Donnie's emotions are something that only came around during Weak Spot. He hardly emoted before he met reader.
Last, But Not Least we got prop close-ups!
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The prosthetic shown here is specifically Donnie's comfiest, aka the one he uses at home. I didn't bother adding any other prosthetics because his others are either shoe prosthetic (aka the shoe is fit so it directly attaches to is port) or a prosthetic that is made to perfectly replicate what his foot looks like (which visually looks like he just has his real foot). His prosthetic is actually a straight rip off of a real one!
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When researching prosthetics, I found this one and it struck me as so similar to the turtle's actual feet (with the 'two toes' and heel) that I thought this had to be Donnie's prosthetic.
We get a good look at Donnie's glasses. As a reminder, the arms (temples) of Donnie's glasses attach to his head via magnets. He's got a little metal in his head from the electrical burns and cochlear implant so he made use of it when he made a facsimile of his goggles. The whole point of his glasses is they mimic the vision specs/knowledge he needs to access without them being a danger to his person. They are meant to be easily removable and they do not have lenses. The color projected in them is just that (a projection) and it only works if it's close enough to Donnie's neural implant and he wills them to be turned on.
Our final order of business is WS Donnie's battle shell! This is the first time it's ever been depicted! I always knew he was going to have a different sort of battle shell when I was created this version of Donnie. His show shell is just too bulky for what this Donnie could afford. Since he dabbled a lot of easily concealable tech, I took a lot of inspiration from Iron Man. The battle shell, as we know from Weak Spot, can grow and resize to its user. I specifically had this gif in mind whenever I thought about how the battle shell grows on one's back:
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I did a ton of research into body armor itself, since that is what Donnie would specifically need it for and found this specific piece that I thought fell perfectly in line with both the Iron Man idea and utility of a realistic battle shell for this Donnie.
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and that's just about everything! Again, thank you to anyone who made it this far. Thank you for reading my works! Thank you for literally everything! Round up thanks to my betas, to Garbage, to everyone dangit!
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Plot points I hope to see in season 8b/9
(this is long because the writers have a lot to make up for)
• Airport scene
• Eddie gives Buck his St. Christopher necklace
• Buck's coping mechanism of briefly turning into slutty Buck 1.0 after Eddie leaves. Only this time it's with guys that resemble Eddie but he doesn't notice. Maddie does. And she wishes desperately that she wasn't pregnant so she could drink
• Buck actually uses the word bisexual or bi to describe himself
• Finally getting to see Eddie's sisters. And maybe while he's in Texas he facetimes Buck and they come into frame. And in true little sister fashion, they embarrass him: "Oh, Edmundo! Is this the Buck we keep hearing about? He IS cute!"
"I never said that!"
Buck: "...you don't think I'm cute? 🥺"
• Maddie, Sofia, and Adrianna meeting and bonding over their dumbass brothers
• Everyone else finds out that Buck is in Eddie's will and they all just stand there, mouths agape cuz how THE FUCK do they not know they're in love?? Everyone else can see it!
• Buck tells literally everyone at the 118 about his feelings for Eddie because he needs advice. And Chim makes a joke like,
"He already has everyone crushing on him! Why can't someone have a crush on me for once??"
"...dude, you're my brother-in-law."
"So?? We don't have to tell Maddie!"
• Buck admits his feelings but Eddie ends up not leaving so Buck avoids him out of embarrassment like jk pranked ya!
• Buck NDE because I NEED to see Eddie lose his shit
• Or they both have a close call and later have a serious 'spousal' discussion about what would happen to Chris if they both died. And then they share a moment of comradery, trash talking Helena & Ramon and hoping they never get custody again
• Speaking of Shitty Parents 2.0 (Shitty Parents 1.0 being the Buckley's) we need more screen time hating on Helena. Ramon got multiple scenes showing how awful he is and Eddie calling him out on it. But Helena is a selfish woman that keeps trying to manipulate Eddie into giving her Chris. And even when Eddie tries to keep in contact with his son while he's in Texas she just brushes him off and doesn't try to get Chris to talk to him. All because she got her way so she doesn't care, pushing Eddie further into his pit of self-hatred. And for that she must be punished
• Eddie talking to Bobby about his Catholic guilt in relation to his sexuality. And then going to Michael for advice about the transition of believing he's straight and having a heterosexual marriage and family to where he is now. The 3 of them need to go on a fishing trip or something. They'd have it all sorted out within the weekend
• Eddie and Maddie having ANY kind of interaction on screen. The writers know that if they teamed up they'd be besties instantly and they're keeping that from us!
• Chris needing dating advice but as soon as his dad tries to help he cuts him off like: "Not from you, you're obviously gay and all of your straight relationships sunk like the Titanic. But thanks anyway. Hey Buck!"
"Wtf? His relationships weren't great either!"
• Eddie having more discussions with Hot Priest™️ about his guilt and he just smiles fondly at Eddie, "I don't know about you, but my god doesn't judge. Not when someone lives their truth. I think you're more afraid of your family's judgement. If I were you, I'd go back and think of every time I thought God was judging me and consider the possibility that I was putting Him in place of my parental figures." and Eddie just blue screens for many minutes as Hot Priest™️ patiently waits for him to catch up as if he hadn't just changed his entire fucking life
• A scene where either Hot Priest™️ or Bobby or Buck asks him: "Would you judge Christopher if he questioned his sexuality?" "What? No." "Would you tell him to go to confessional or try to pray it away?" "Of course not!" "Would you ever discourage him to be anything less than who he truly is? Or stop him from doing something that makes him happy?" "No!" "Then why do it to yourself? Why set that example? Even if it turns out your parents or Abuela aren't comfortable with you exploring your sexuality, you can always do better than them. Break the cycle for the one person who matters most to you. Be happy, be yourself, be what you want to be, not what others expect from you. And I know you, you won't do it for you. So do it for Christopher. Show him that it's okay, great even, to be you."
• Josh getting all giddy while talking to Eddie like he did when Buck asked for gay dating advice
• Eddie talking to Hen and Karen about how they coped with their foster kids leaving. Like, how do wake up every morning to a quieter house and empty bedrooms, knowing the breakfast table is going to be lonely? They exchange bittersweet looks and hug him
I will accept no less than 80% of this becoming canon. Thank you and good night.
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iamquiantrelle · 1 day ago
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VIRGIN TERRITORY (chapter 3) ────── iamquaintrelle
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# pairing: aurelien tchouameni x black oc (☔️✨💕)
# tags: @whoevenisthiz @irishmanwhore @lettersofgold @deonn-jaelle @sucredreamer @leighjadeclimbedmtkilimanjaro @rougereds @f1-football-fiend @judectrl @ayeshami @greyishbach @haartemis @goldenngt @solidbrii @sailurmewn @rainbowsparkelsunshine @lbchi @bbgkoo
# summary: she's been his pa for almost a year and every day is a struggle to function around him, but he'll never see her more than that...will he? and what will happen if he finds out she's also a virgin? masterlist.
Leila isn't trying to make it a whole thing, but that date with William? That man took her to this cute little restaurant tucked away in a corner of Paris where nobody would recognize him, ordered wine that probably cost more than her rent, and spent the whole night actually listening to her talk about her family back in Georgia. Not once did he make her feel like she was just some thick girl he was trying to get with – instead he treated her like she was actually interesting, like her stories about her mama's cooking adventures were the most fascinating thing he'd ever heard.
And when she found out he was half Cameroonian? Maybe Yolanda had a point about her having a type because these West African men were really out here testing her resolve. The way his accent got thicker when he talked about his family, the way he understood exactly what she meant about certain cultural things without her having to explain... it was nice. Really nice.
He didn't try to kiss her at the end of the night, even though she maybe (definitely) wanted him to. Just kissed her hand (which should be corny but somehow wasn't) and said he'd love to do it again soon. She'd gone to bed thinking maybe this could be something.
But then Sunday morning happened and somehow everything else felt small in comparison.
"Avant de commencer l'entraînement," ("Before we start training,") Didier's voice carried across the morning meeting room, "J'ai une annonce à faire." ("I have an announcement to make.")
The room went quiet – well, as quiet as a room full of French footballers can get, which means Marcus was still whispering something to Mike that had them both stifling laughs.
"En l'absence de Kylian," ("In Kylian's absence,") Didier continued, holding up the captain's armband, "nous avons besoin d'un nouveau capitaine." ("we need a new captain.") "Aurélien Tchouaméni."
The room erupted. Leila's never seen someone look so surprised and honored at the same time, like Aurélien couldn't quite believe what was happening.
"Notre nouveau capitaine!" ("Our new captain!") Marcus shouted, starting an impromptu chant.
"MON CAPITAINE!" Jules was the first to reach him, throwing an arm around his shoulders. "Tu l'as mérité, mon frère." ("You earned it, my brother.")
"Finalement, quelqu'un va peut-être réussir à le faire sourire," ("Finally, someone might succeed in making him smile,") Cama teased, doing an exaggerated salute. "Oui, Capitaine!"
The whole team picked up the salute, turning it into this ridiculous ceremony that had even Didier trying not to laugh.
"Je suis honoré," ("I'm honored,") Aurélien finally managed to say, voice thick with emotion as Didier handed him the armband. "Je ne sais pas quoi dire..." ("I don't know what to say...")
"Dis-nous qu'on va défoncer Israël!" ("Tell us we're gonna destroy Israel!") Mike called out.
"Et qu'on peut manger la cuisine de Leila ce soir!" ("And that we can eat Leila's cooking tonight!") Marcus added, which started a whole new round of cheering.
Leila couldn't help but clap and cheer with them all – because this was huge. This was her boss becoming captain of the French national team at twenty-four. This was history.
***************************
The Bridge's studio setup is way more casual than Leila expected, all warm lights and comfy chairs arranged in a circle like it's just bros hanging out – which, technically, it is.
"Ma puce, mon café?" Aurélien calls out as she's setting up his notes, and she pretends not to notice how Sébastien raises his eyebrows at the pet name.
"You have two hands that work perfectly fine," she responds, but she's already heading to get his coffee because she knows exactly how he gets without his caffeine fix before filming. Two sugars, splash of cream – the man drinks coffee like he's trying to hide the fact it's coffee.
"Ah, c'est comme ça maintenant?" ("So that's how it is now?") Jules grins as he walks in, followed by Ousmane and Thomas.
"Elle fait la grève," ("She's on strike,") Ousmane adds with a knowing smile.
"Can y'all not?" Leila mutters, but of course they can't because they live for chaos.
"What’s going on?" Thomas asks, settling into his chair while the makeup artist touches up his face.
"Nothing–" Aurélien starts, but Jules is already diving in.
"She's dating Wilo."
"I am not–"
"Wilo?" Sébastien perks up like he's just been handed gossip gold. "As in Saliba? Mon dieu, this is better than what I planned for the show."
"Speaking of the show," Leila cuts in desperately, "maybe we should focus on your actual topics? Like the Champions League? The national team? Literally anything else?"
"But this is much more interesting," Sébastien grins. "Tell me, how does our new captain feel about his PA dating his teammate?"
"We are NOT discussing my dating life on YouTube," Leila says firmly, handing Aurélien his coffee with maybe a little more force than necessary. Some splashes onto his notes and she automatically reaches to wipe it, just as he does the same. Their hands brush and she pulls back like she's been burned.
"Ooh, as-tu vu ça?" Thomas stage-whispers to Ousmane. "La tension!"
"I'm about to show y'all some tension with these coffee cups," Leila threatens, making them laugh harder.
"Non, non," Ousmane agrees solemnly. "We'll just discuss how our captain gets jealous every time someone looks at his PA. Like yesterday at training when Giroud asked her about American football..."
"I was not jealous," Aurélien protests. "I was concerned about her getting distracted from her duties."
"Her duties of watching you run laps?" Jules asks innocently.
"Her duties of maintaining my schedule–"
"The schedule she has memorized?" Ousmane adds.
"Y'all really want me to poison your dinner tonight, huh?" Leila threatens, but they just laugh harder.
"See? This is why I need my own Leila," Sébastien says. "Where do I find a PA who cooks?"
"You don't," Aurélien's voice carries that edge again. "She's one of a kind."
The room goes quiet for a moment, and Leila busies herself with absolutely nothing important on her tablet.
"Okay!" The producer calls out. "Five minutes! Let's talk about the actual show content?"
"Oui, oui," Sébastien nods, suddenly professional. "First segment about then national team dynamics with our new captain, maybe some stuff about Jules and his fashion sense…."
"Maybe one about a certain PA?" Thomas asks hopefully.
"Including nothing about any PAs," Leila cuts in. "Unless y'all want to explain to Didier why half his starting lineup got food poisoning before a match."
"She wouldn't really..." Thomas starts.
"She absolutely would," Aurélien, Jules, and Ousmane answer in unison.
"Ma puce," Aurélien calls softly, and she looks up to find him watching her with that expression that makes her stomach do stupid things. "My notes?"
She hands them over, careful not to let their fingers brush. "Try not to start any international incidents this time."
"Une fois," ("One time,") he protests. "I say one thing about Premier League defenders..."
"You said they tackle like they learned football from YouTube tutorials," she reminds him.
"Was I wrong though?"
"That's not the point! Twitter was a nightmare for days."
"This is why you're my favorite," he says, and something in his voice makes her look up. "You keep me in line."
"Someone has to," she manages to say, stepping back as the cameras start rolling.
She watches from behind the scenes as they dive into football talk, the banter shifting into serious discussion about tactics and pressure and what it means to wear the captain's armband. Watches how Aurélien leads the conversation with natural grace, how he makes everyone feel heard while still keeping things moving.
"Et maintenant," ("And now,") Sébastien grins near the end, "Les fans veulent savoir - est notre nouveau capitaine single?" ("the fans want to know – is our new captain single")
Leila's head snaps up from her tablet.
"Non," Thomas jumps in before Aurélien can answer. "Son cœur appartient à son P–"
The water bottle that flies across the room and hits Thomas square in the chest is definitely not thrown by Leila.
"Cut!" The producer calls after they wrap the final segment, and Leila releases a breath she didn't know she was holding. They managed to get through the whole episode with only minimal chaos, though Thomas kept trying to sneak in comments about "certain PAs" until she started keeping a steady supply of projectiles within reach.
"That was fun," Sébastien grins, stretching as they all stand. "We should do this again. Maybe next time with Wilo as a guest?"
"Don't you have a dinner to prepare?" Jules asks quickly, shooting her a look that clearly says 'get out while you can'.
"Oui, about that dinner," Thomas perks up. "What exactly are you making?"
"If one more person asks me about dinner," Leila cuts in, gathering her things, "I'm making y'all eat protein shakes instead."
"You wouldn't," Ousmane gasps dramatically.
"Try me."
"Ma puce," Aurélien's voice is softer now that the cameras are off. "Need a ride to the store?"
And that's... new. He hasn't offered to drive her anywhere since The Comment™️.
"I can take her," Jules offers with fake innocence. "Since you probably have captain duties and all."
"I can drive my PA to the store."
"Your PA?" Thomas raises an eyebrow. "Just okay PA or...?"
The second water bottle that hits him is definitely from Aurélien this time.
"I'll wait in the car," he tells her, ignoring the knowing looks from everyone else.
As soon as he's out of earshot, the chaos erupts:
"Girl, if you don't get in that car–" Ousmane starts.
"But what about Wilo?" Thomas asks.
"Capitaine is clearly in his feelings–" Sébastien adds.
"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!" Jules announces. "Let her breathe."
Leila takes a deep breath, gathering her professional dignity around her like armor. "I have a dinner to cook for twenty something grown men who act like children. I don't have time for... whatever this is."
"This," Sébastien gestures vaguely, "is prime content. The captain and his PA?"
"There is no 'captain and his PA'," she insists. "There's just a PA who's about to feed half of the French Football Federation because she makes poor life choices."
"Speaking of poor life choices," Jules grins, "your man's waiting."
"He's not my–"
A horn honks outside. Twice.
"La patience de cet homme," Thomas laughs. "Vraiment incroyable."
"I hate all of you," Leila announces, heading for the door.
"But you'll still feed us?" Ousmane calls after her.
She doesn't dignify that with a response.
The car ride is... weird. Not tense exactly, but full of something she can't name. Aurélien keeps opening his mouth like he wants to say something, then closing it again. She pretends to be very interested in her grocery list.
Two hours and way too many bags later (because apparently she's feeding an army now), they're back at Clairefontaine and the kitchen is already buzzing with energy and she directs her very enthusiastic sous chefs – Michael and Cama, plus some actual kitchen staff who keep looking at her like she's either genius or crazy for attempting this.
"This is not 'season to taste'," she swats Cama's hand away from the seasoning. "This is 'season to kill'."
"But it needs more–"
"If you say 'spice' I'm demoting you to dish duty."
The thing about cooking while Chief Keef is blasting through Clairefontaine's halls is that it really sets a specific type of mood. Leila can hear Marcus and Mike singing "Don't Like" at the top of their lungs, probably driving everyone crazy, but she's too focused on making sure Cama doesn't turn her greens into chemical warfare.
Michael, who’s undoubtedly the sous chef MVP, is quietly following her instructions to the letter. There's something zen about the way he moves through the kitchen, precise and focused like he's preparing for a match instead of helping prep chicken.
"You're good at this," she tells him, and his answering smile is small but genuine.
"My grandmother," he says simply. "She taught me that cooking is meditation."
"YOUR GRANDMOTHER DIDN'T HAVE TO COOK FOR HANGRY FOOTBALLERS!" Marcus's voice carries through the door, followed by the opening beats of "Love Sosa."
"The meditation is about to turn into medication if they don't calm down," Leila mutters, but Michael just laughs softly.
The kitchen staff has gone from skeptical to impressed, watching her coordinate this whole production like she's done it her whole life. Which, honestly, she has – just usually for family reunions, not professional athletes who probably cost more than her entire hometown.
"It's almost ready?" Mike pokes his head in, looking like a hopeful puppy. "Because we're dying out here."
"You've eaten today," she points out. "Multiple times."
"But not your cooking," Marcus appears behind him. "And now the whole place smells like heaven and we're suffering."
"You're not suffering," she rolls her eyes. "You're being dramatic."
"I AM suffering," Mike insists. "Look at me, I'm wasting away."
"You literally had lunch two hours ago."
"That was before we could smell the mac and cheese," Marcus argues. "Now we're starving."
She's about to throw something at them when Michael quietly says, "The chicken's ready for the second batch."
"See?" She points at Michael. "This is why he's my favorite. He actually helps instead of just complaining."
"Favorites?" Marcus clutches his chest. "That's cold, Lei. Ice cold."
"You know what else is getting cold? This food, if y'all don't let me cook in peace."
"But–"
"OUT!"
They retreat, but not before Mike tries one last time to steal a piece of chicken. She catches him with her wooden spoon – years of defending food from hungry cousins have honed her reflexes.
"The quiet ones always got jokes," Cama laughs as Mike runs away clutching his hand dramatically, then yelps when she catches him trying to sneak a taste of the greens. "How do you even see everything?"
"I have eyes in the back of my head," she says seriously. "My mama installed them when I started cooking."
"They're getting restless," Michael notes as another song starts shaking the walls. She's pretty sure she can hear Jules trying to teach Marcus and Mike the words, which is... a choice.
"Let them be restless," she says, putting the finishing touches on the mac and cheese (extra cheese on top because she ain't playing). "Good food takes time."
The kitchen settles into a rhythm after that, just the sounds of cooking and the distant bass of whatever song Marcus and Mike have moved onto now. Even Cama calms down enough to actually be helpful, following her instructions with only minimal attempts at creative seasoning.
"This is nice," Michael says after a while, quiet enough that only she can hear. "Reminds me of home."
"Yeah," she smiles, understanding exactly what he means. There's something about cooking with people who get it, who understand that food is more than just fuel. It's love, it's family, it's...
"FANCULO!"
The Italian curse makes them all jump as Cama nearly drops an entire tray of cornbread.
"What happened?" Leila spins around, heart racing.
"The cornbread!" he looks devastated. "I almost... it almost..."
"But you didn't," she soothes, trying not to laugh at how genuinely distressed he looks. "The cornbread is safe."
"I would've had to leave France," he says seriously. "Change my name. Start a new life."
"Because of cornbread?"
"Have you met my teammates? They would never let me live it down."
He's not wrong. She can already imagine the chaos if anything happened to the cornbread. These grown men really out here ready to riot over some baked goods.
"Speaking of teammates," Michael says casually, too casually, "our captain's been pacing outside the door for the last ten minutes."
"He what?" She turns so fast she almost knocks over the hot sauce.
"Mhm," Michael hums, that knowing look back in his eyes. "Every time someone walks by he pretends he's on his phone."
"That's..." she doesn't even know how to finish that sentence.
"Interesting?" Cama suggests with a grin.
"Complicated," she corrects. "Now focus on not dropping any more cornbread."
"I didn't drop it!" Cama whined.
"Almost dropped it."
"So," Michael says after a moment, quiet enough that only she can hear, "we're really not going to talk about it?"
"About what?"
His knowing look rivals Jules', but he just goes back to prepping chicken.
"Nothing," he says. "Just thinking our new captain might need to work on his game off the field too."
She chooses to ignore that, focusing instead on finishing up everything. The food looks good – really good. Soul food isn't meant to be fancy, but there's something beautiful about it anyway. Something honest.
"Time to feed the children," she announces, and both Michael and Cama snort at her description of their teammates.
"They're going to lose their minds," Cama predicts as they start plating everything.
He's not wrong. She can already hear the excitement building in the cafeteria, the mix of French and English and various other languages all carrying the same message: finally.
"Ready?" Michael asks as they prepare to head out.
She looks at their work – all this food made with love and patience (and only minimal threats of violence).
"Ready."
The whole team is there, plus coaching staff, plus what feels like half the FFF. They've pushed tables together family-style, and someone (probably Marcus) starts a chant of "Speech! Speech!" that gets picked up by everyone else.
"Y'all are doing too much," she laughs, but Michael gently pushes her forward.
"I'll translate," he says, and she sends up a prayer of thanks for this man's whole existence.
"Okay, okay," she holds up her hands and the room quiets down. "Listen. Where I'm from, food is how we show love. It's how we celebrate victories and comfort each other through losses. It's how we welcome family – blood or chosen."
Michael translates as she speaks, his French making her simple words sound almost poetic.
"Today we're celebrating our new captain," she continues, and the cheers that go up nearly shake the windows. Aurélien, sitting at the center of the longest table, ducks his head but she catches his smile. "And tomorrow we're gonna beat Israel's whole ass."
The roar that goes up at that almost drowns out Michael's slightly more diplomatic translation.
"Everything is Halal," she adds, "and yes, there's dessert – banana pudding with vanilla ice cream because I'm not a monster."
She nods to the servers who start bringing out the dishes, and the way these elite athletes' eyes light up at the sight of proper soul food would be funny if it wasn't so endearing.
"Bon appétit, mes amis," she finishes, and immediately gets swept up in a group hug from Marcus and Mike that nearly takes her off her feet.
"An angel," Marcus declares as he squeezes her. "A motherfucking angel."
The room fills with the sound of comfortable chaos that reminds her of Sunday dinners back home. She catches William's eye across the room and he gives her a warm smile that makes her cheeks warm.
But then she feels it – that familiar weight of attention – and finds Aurélien watching her with an expression that makes her breath catch. He's looking like something out of her most inappropriate dreams, and...
"Your plate," Michael appears at her elbow with food he's made up for her. "Can't let the chef go hungry."
She tears her eyes away from Aurélien, forcing herself to focus on her food and not on how their new captain keeps glancing her way like he's trying to solve a puzzle.
For the first few minutes, the cafeteria vibrates of pure, unadulterated appreciation – the kind that makes a cook's heart sing. These professional athletes, who probably have personal chefs on speed dial, are absolutely demolishing their plates. Bradley's over there drowning his chicken in hot sauce like he's trying to prove something, while others are just making these little sounds of joy between bites.
"I'm going to marry you," Brice announces suddenly through a mouthful of mac and cheese, breaking the reverent silence like a hammer through stained glass.
The table erupts in hoots and hollers, and Leila definitely doesn't miss how Aurélien's fork freezes halfway to his mouth.
"It's a joke," Brice adds quickly, though his eyes are twinkling. "But this food? Magnifique."
"You can't just propose like that," Khephren shakes his head with mock solemnity. "There's a process. Parents first."
"Exactly," Ousmane nods with all the wisdom of someone who's been in this position before. "Gotta do it properly."
"And don't forget the bride price," Ibou adds, which sets off a wave of groans like he's just announced extra training.
"They don't do that in America, bro," someone calls out, which starts a whole debate about marriage customs in different countries.
"Speaking of America," Mike cuts through the chaos with surprising grace, "you're from Georgia, right?" At Leila's nod, he continues, "Do you know where your peoples from? Like which country in the motherland?"
"You can't just ask her that," Jules protests.
"Why not?" Mike shrugs, all innocence. "I'm just curious."
"Slavery happened," Michael says quietly, taking a casual sip of water.
"I know that happened," Mike responds, "but you know some Black people in the US do one of those ancestry.com tests. You know, to find their roots."
"I did one," Leila interjects, and suddenly she has the undivided attention of some of the most expensive athletes in Europe, all of them looking at her like she's about to reveal the secret to scoring hat-tricks.
"And?" Marcus prompts, gesturing with a chicken wing that probably violates several of their nutritionist's rules.
"You guys really want to know?"
The chorus of "yes" comes in various accents and volumes, but the enthusiasm is unanimous, and they're ready to put their food on pause – and considering how they've been eating, that's saying something.
Laughing, she pulls up her phone, scrolling through her gallery for that screenshot from her college days. "Okay, this is from my Cultural History & Heritage class, so... I'm 65% Ghanaian..."
The applause that breaks out would make you think someone just scored a World Cup winner. Ousmane's practically glowing with vindication.
"I knew you were Ghanaian! You're feisty," he declares.
"And that forehead," Ibou adds, making her touch it self-consciously.
"What's wrong with my forehead?"
"You got that West African forehead," Marcus explains through a grin. "It's still cute though!" he adds quickly, like he's just remembered his mama raised him right.
She's doing her best impression of a confused goldfish when she continues, "10% Western Bantu Peoples, 14% Beninese." Her eyes flick to Jules, who's wearing the kind of smile that suggests he's already plotting something.
"You and JK are cousins!" Cama announces with the excitement of someone connecting invisible dots. "The family reunion's gonna be lit!"
"9% French Guiana," she pushes on, "8% English, and the rest is Dutch."
The reaction to the English and Dutch parts hits like they've just heard she's part alien. Eyebrows shooting up across the table like they're trying to escape.
"Slavery," Michael says again, and the word lands like a weight, heavy with centuries of history.
"Right, right," comes the collective murmur, before Marcus breaks the moment by declaring he needs thirds "to honor all those ancestors."
"More cornbread, ma puce?"
She turns to find Aurélien holding out the basket, something soft in his expression that makes her heart do stupid things.
"I'm good," she manages to say.
"You sure? You've barely eaten."
"Just happy everyone else is enjoying it."
His response is cut off by Marcus starting a debate about whether Ghana or Benin has better jollof rice, and suddenly the whole table is taking sides in what's apparently a long-standing West African rivalry.
"Ghana obviously has the better jollof," she says quietly, just to watch Aurélien's eyes narrow in betrayal.
"Et tu, ma puce?" He shakes his head like she's personally wounded him. "Non, non. Cameroon's jollof is superior. This is just facts."
"Please," Ousmane cuts in with the confidence of someone about to start a war, "Nigerian jollof clears both. This isn't even a debate."
"Bullshit," Marcus declares. "Ghana invented jollof. You can't beat the original."
"Being first doesn't mean being best," Aurélien argues, and suddenly it's like they're discussing tactical formations instead of rice. "Cameroonians perfected it."
"The delusion," Ousmane sighs dramatically. "This is why you need a Nigerian wife. To show you what real jollof tastes like."
Leila tries not to think too hard about why that comment makes something twist in her chest, but then Aurélien's saying, "I don't need a Nigerian wife when I have–" before cutting himself off abruptly.
The table goes quiet enough to hear a fork drop.
"When you have what?" Jules prompts teasingly.
"When I have... more important things to focus on," Aurélien finishes lamely. "Like tomorrow's match."
"Mhm," Michael hums into his water glass, sharing a look with Jules that speaks volumes.
The conversation shifts to safer topics after that, but Leila can't quite shake the weight of that unfinished sentence. Can't quite ignore how Aurélien keeps sneaking glances at her like he's trying to read something written in a language he doesn't understand, but that's a problem for another day.
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Match day arrives bright and crisp, the kind of weather that makes footballers' eyes light up. The usual pre-match routines take on extra weight today – this isn't just any game, it's Aurélien's first as captain, and you can feel it in the air at breakfast. Even Marcus and Mike are quieter than usual, energy focused instead of scattered.
But before they can get to the match, there's the small matter of getting to Budapest. The morning after her soul food extravaganza has these grown men acting like they've discovered the secret to eternal happiness.
"I swear," Marcus is saying as they wait in the private terminal, "I haven't slept that good since I was in the womb."
"That's called the itis," Leila explains, watching their confused faces with amusement. "When good food puts you in a food coma? Yeah that’s what it is."
"Whatever it was, we need it before every match," Mike declares, and several others nod enthusiastically.
"That's too much to ask," Aurélien cuts in, that protective edge creeping into his voice.
"I'll help cook again!" Cama volunteers immediately.
"NO!" comes the unanimous response, making him pout.
"After what you tried to do to those greens?" Michael adds quietly. "I think not."
The conversation halts as they board their plane, and Leila thought she knew what luxury was, but this private Airbus is on another level. It's all cream leather and polished wood, with business class seats that look more like individual living rooms. Each pod has its own entertainment system and enough space to lie flat, making her regular flight experiences look like public transit.
"First time on the team plane?" William's voice is warm as he slides into the seat next to her, flashing that smile that still makes her stomach flip.
"That obvious?"
"You're looking around like you just discovered Narnia."
She catches Aurélien watching them from across the aisle, his jaw doing that thing it does when he's thinking too hard.
"You should come to London after the break," William continues smoothly, either not noticing or choosing to ignore their captain's attention, "There's this amazing Nigerian restaurant I want to show you."
"Oh?" she tries for casual. "Just for the food?"
His smile turns soft. "Among other things."
Someone – definitely Jules – clears their throat loudly, and Leila suddenly finds the safety card fascinating.
"The restaurant's near Emirates," William adds. "I could show you around, catch a match..."
"You trying to convert her to Arsenal?" Bradley calls from behind them. "Nah, she needs to see a PSG match instead."
"Please," Mike scoffs. "Milan is clearly superior."
And just like that, they're all arguing about their clubs like they weren't just praising her cooking five minutes ago.
"Think about it?" William asks quietly while the others debate club merits.
She's about to answer when Aurélien's voice cuts through: "Leila, I need you to review the post-match schedules."
"Now? We just took off."
"Oui. Now."
William just shakes his head but his smile is knowing. "We'll talk later?"
She nods, gathering her tablet and trying not to analyze why their captain suddenly needs to review schedules he definitely already knows by heart.
**********************
The Puskás Aréna is something else entirely when they arrive – all modern glass and steel but somehow still intimidating as hell. Leila's back in her element, running through pre-match routines she's got down to a science by now. Water bottles positioned just so (because Michael swears the angle affects his performance), extra shin guards for Marcus (who she's convinced loses them on purpose at this point just to watch her scramble), and that specific pre-wrap that Mike treats like it's made of gold.
Aurélien's different today – you can see it in how he carries himself, that armband not just a piece of fabric but a crown. He moves through the locker room like he's been doing this his whole life, stopping at each player with exactly what they need: a quiet word with Jules, some complicated handshake with Cama that looks more like interpretive dance, a firm nod to William that carries weight she can't quite read.
The match itself? Pure poetry. Whatever that soul food did to them, it's working overtime because they're moving like they've got cheat codes enabled. Aurélien's commanding the midfield like he was born to it, every tackle clean enough to eat off of, every pass finding feet like he's got GPS in his boots.
Six minutes in and Cama's already making statements, finding the back of the net with the kind of finish that makes you question physics. Before Israel can even process what hit them, Nkunku's doubling the lead in the 26th minute, celebration looking suspiciously like a TikTok dance she's definitely seen Marcus teaching everyone.
Israel manages to pull one back, but these boys aren't about to let their captain's first match be anything less than spectacular. The last five minutes turn into a highlight reel – a goal in the 87th with a strike that probably broke the sound barrier, and then Bradley putting the final nail in the coffin just two minutes later, making it 4-1 with the kind of casual elegance that shouldn't be legal.
The final whistle just confirms what everyone already knew – this French team, with their new captain and apparently their new pre-match soul food ritual, is something special.
4-1. Four different scorers. And one very proud PA trying not to look too obvious about it.
*******************************
The rowdy chaos outside her hotel room tells Leila exactly what's about to go down. Post-match celebration means clubs, means someone's definitely about to drop stupid money on bottles, means Marcus will absolutely end up shirtless at some point, and means these boys are headed out to dance a little and find someone who's down to fuck. Instagram models will materialize like they've got professional athlete radar, the elevators about to get more action than a fashion week runway.
Her mind cannot handle the aura Aurélien has right now especially after winning his first match as captain; she knew what type time he was on and it wasn't going to be anything saintly. He loves a win more than anything and the only other thing that can top that is going out with the boys and bedding some girl.
Thank goodness she never heard him getting busy - that may scar her to the point of needing therapy but she read some things on gossip blogs (she didn't know if it was true or false) and the way they talked about him having humongous dick energy not to mention the stamina—
A knock on her hotel room door pulled her out of her thoughts and she hurriedly fixed her bonnet and glasses before looking at the peep hole and to her surprise it was Jules.
The hell?
"I know you know it's me," he says and Leila let out a groan silently debating on whether or not she should let him in. He knocked again, this time harder.
"Okay, relax." She said then opened the door. Jules eyes scanned over her body.
"That's how you going to the club, Leila? A bonnet and muumuu?"
And she squinted at him like he had three heads. "Huh?"
"You're coming to the club."
"I most certainly am not," she says, already trying to close the door, but Jules is faster, wedging his foot in the way.
"You really gonna let Wilo go to the club without supervision?" he asks with that smirk that means trouble. "When there's gonna be all those Hungarian baddies there?"
"Wilo is a grown man who can do whatever he wants," she says, but something must show in her face because Jules' grin gets wider.
"Mhm. And I'm sure Auré has nothing to do with you hiding in your room?"
"I'm not hiding, I'm being professional."
"Professional?" Jules actually laughs. "Ma puce, you're our age. You think the FFF expects you to sit in your room in a bonnet while we celebrate?"
"The FFF expects me to—"
"To what? Pretend you're not twenty-four? Come on. Get dressed. The car leaves in twenty."
"Jules—"
"Either you come willingly or I'm sending Marcus and Mike to get you. Your choice."
The threat of those two showing up at her door is enough to make her pause. They'd probably live-stream the whole thing, and then she'd have to explain to her mama why she's trending on French Twitter.
"Fine," she sighs. "But I'm not staying long."
"Sure," Jules says in a tone that suggests he doesn't believe her at all. "Wear that black dress you brought."
She narrows her eyes. "How do you know what's in my suitcase?"
"I don't. But you're a Black woman on a work trip – you definitely packed a just-in-case outfit."
"I hate that you know that."
His grin is entirely too satisfied. "Twenty minutes. And Lei?" He pauses at the door. "Aren't you curious what your captain's going to say when he sees you in something other than work clothes?"
Before she can throw something at him, he's gone, his laughter echoing down the hallway.
She looks at her reflection in the hotel mirror, bonnet and all, and lets out a deep sigh.
"Lord," she mutters, already reaching for her suitcase, "give me strength."
Because Jules isn't wrong – she definitely packed that black dress. Just in case.
The black halterneck dress has been sitting in her suitcase like it's been waiting for this moment, all dangerous intentions and "maybe I will act up tonight" energy. She holds it up, already questioning herself because this hem is definitely living its best thigh-high life. But then again, if she's about to get dragged to a club by a bunch of football players, she might as well look like she meant to be there.
The over-the-knee boots are her compromise with herself – wedge heels because she refuses to die tonight trying to channel her inner Instagram baddie in stilettos. Her silk press is still hanging on by a prayer and whatever magic Theresa put in that heat protectant, so at least that's one less thing to worry about.
One last glance in the mirror has her reaching for her silver metallic Diesel mini purse (her one designer splurge that she justified as a "work expense" because technically she does need to look put together around these millionaires).
A knock at the door has her rolling her eyes. "It has not been twenty minutes—" she starts, yanking it open, ready to tell Jules exactly where he can put his timeline.
Except it's not Jules.
William's standing there looking like every bad decision she's ever wanted to make, already dressed for the club in a fitted black Amiri shirt that's doing criminal things to his shoulders.
"Oh," she manages, suddenly very aware that this dress is doing exactly what it was designed to do. William's eyes do a slow sweep from her boots all the way up, and listen – she might need to text Theresa a thank you for this silk press because the way he's looking at her right now?
"Jules said you needed an escort to the club," he says, voice a little rougher than usual. "But I'm thinking maybe we should skip it."
She tries to remember how to form words like a professional. "Skip it?"
"There's this rooftop bar..." he starts, then stops as voices carry down the hallway – she catches Aurélien's distinct tone among them and something in William's expression shifts.
"The rooftop bar?" she prompts, pretending she doesn't hear the footsteps getting closer.
William steps closer, just inside her doorway. "Much quieter than the club. Better view. And we could actually..." he pauses as the voices get louder, "talk."
The way he says 'talk' definitely isn't suggesting conversation about the weather.
But before she can respond, another voice cuts through:
"Ma pu—" Aurélien's voice cuts off abruptly, and Leila watches something complicated pass across his face as he takes in the scene – William in her doorway, her in this dress that's definitely not PA-appropriate, the energy crackling between them that definitely isn't professional.
He's already dressed for the club too, looking like he stepped out of a GQ spread in all black everything, that captain's confidence still radiating off him. For a moment, nobody moves.
"Capitaine," William says easily, not moving from his spot. "We were just discussing alternate plans for tonight."
"Alternate plans?" Jules appears behind Aurélien, taking in the situation with raised eyebrows. "Non, non. The team celebrates together. You know this."
"I was thinking—" William starts, but Aurélien cuts him off.
"The van's leaving. Now." There's something in his voice that doesn't invite argument. "Both of you."
Leila catches Jules hiding a smile behind his hand, and she really might have to fight him later.
"After you," William says to her, finally stepping back, but his hand finds her lower back as they head toward the elevator and she swears she hears something that sounds suspiciously like a growl from behind them.
The rented van's already bumping with French trap music when she climbs in, Marcus and Mike immediately letting out wolf whistles that would absolutely get them slapped by their mamas.
"OH? Okay Lei! I see how you coming tonight!" Cama's eyes go wide. "This is not PA behavior!"
"Nah for real though," Marcus grins, "who told you to show up looking this good? We trying to play it cool tonight!"
"Cool?" Mike winks at her. "Ain't nothing cool about this. Now we know why Jules was so pressed about you coming out."
Bradley's already pouring shots in the back, passing them around like they didn't just play 90 minutes of professional football. "To the baddest in the van!"
"Hold up though," Khephren raises his glass with a smirk. "You really just been hiding all this under them work clothes? That's foul, Lei."
William's hand is still somehow finding reasons to brush against her knee, while Aurélien's watching the whole scene from the front like he's plotting multiple homicides. The bass is hitting hard enough to cover whatever Jules is saying to him, but judging by their captain's face, it's nothing he wants to hear.
"Another round?" Bradley calls out as Gazo's latest hit has everyone trying to rap along.
"No, I’m good. Thanks," she says.
The club is exactly what you'd expect when rolling with the French national team – all VIP treatment and bottle girls already lined up like they got a notification that fine athletes were incoming. Security parts the crowd, leading them straight to the section.
"You good?" William asks as she slides into the booth next to him, his hand finding that spot on her lower back again. Before she can answer, Marcus is already ordering bottles like he's trying to buy out the whole club.
"Dom, Clase Azul, and whatever our PA wants because she blessed us with that soul food!" he shouts over the music.
"And that dress," Mike adds, earning himself a look from Aurélien that could freeze hell.
The first bottle of Dom arrives with sparklers because of course it does – these men don't know how to do anything lowkey. Bradley's already got his phone out, documenting everything for his Close Friends story while Cama starts pouring shots like it's his job.
"To our captain!" Someone calls out, and more bottles appear, more sparklers, more everything.
"And to our angel," Khephren adds with a wink in her direction. "Feeding us like kings!"
She catches Aurélien's expression in the strobe lights, something dark and hungry in his eyes as he watches William lean in to whisper something in her ear. The music's too loud to hear what Jules says to him, but whatever it is makes their captain knock back his entire drink in one go.
"Dance with me," William says as Rema's voice fills the club, and Leila immediately starts shaking her head, pushing her glasses up her nose like they'll shield her from his request.
"Oh no, I don't—"
But then he does that thing with his tongue, running it across his lips in a way that should be illegal, and her brain short-circuits for a second.
"Come on," he grins, already standing and holding out his hand. "One dance."
Before she can protest again, he's leading her down from their VIP section to where the dance floor is pulsing with Afrobeats. She catches Aurélien's expression as they pass – something dangerous flickering in his eyes as he watches William's hand on her waist.
"I really don't dance," she tries one last time, but William's already pulling her closer, moving to the beat like he was born doing this.
"Everyone dances to Afrobeats," he says in her ear, his accent wrapping around the words. "Just feel it."
And maybe it's the shots, or maybe it's the way his hands feel on her hips, but she finds herself starting to move. The rhythm catches her, William's smile grows wider, and suddenly she remembers – she does know how to dance. She just usually doesn't do it in front of half the French national team.
But tonight? Tonight feels different.
The thing about dancing with a professional athlete is that they know exactly how to move. William's got this natural rhythm that makes it easy to follow his lead, his hands steady on her hips as she finds her groove. The beat switches to "Calm Down" and suddenly they're moving like they've been dancing together forever.
"Look who can dance after all," he murmurs in her ear, pulling her a little closer as she rolls her hips. The shots are definitely helping with her confidence, but it's the way he's looking at her that's really doing it – like she's the only girl in this packed club.
She catches glimpses of the other boys joining the dance floor – Marcus already shirtless (called it), Mike with some girl who looks like she models for Fashion Nova, Cama doing some complicated dance routine that has everyone making space. But she keeps feeling that weight of attention from above, knows without looking that Aurélien's watching every move, every time William's hands slide a little lower, every time she moves a little closer.
"You've been holding out on us," he says against her ear. "All this time in training and we never knew you could move like this."
A particularly bold turn has her back pressed fully against him, and oh – apparently footballers really do have incredible stamina because that's definitely not his phone in his pocket. His thumb traces her jawline, tilting her face up to his, and the look in his eyes makes her mouth go dry.
"I think," he says, voice rough in a way that sends heat straight through her, "we should get out of here."
The reasonable part of her brain, the part that remembers she's technically working, tries to speak up. But then his lips brush her ear and that part of her brain short circuits completely.
"I've got a suite," he continues. "Much quieter than here. Better view of the city."
She knows what he's really saying. Knows exactly what that invitation means. Knows that tomorrow she'll either have the best story for Yolanda or the biggest regret of her career.
From somewhere behind them, she hears Mike shout something that sounds suspiciously like "GET IT, LEI!" She's going to have to fight him later.
William's still waiting for an answer, his body moving against hers in a way that's making thinking very difficult. His hand slides up her spine, leaving fire in its wake, and really – what's the worst that could happen?
Besides losing her job, her dignity, and whatever's left of her heart that isn't already tied up in another footballer who thinks she's just okay.
The music shifts to something slower, something that has William pulling her even closer, and she's about to say yes to everything he's suggesting when someone bumps them hard enough to break their bubble.
"Désolé," Aurélien's voice cuts through the music as he moves past them toward the bar, not sounding sorry at all. Bradley is right behind him, shooting them an apologetic look that seems more amused than anything.
But William's not letting this moment slip. His fingers turned her attention back to him like their captain didn't just try to body check them on the dance floor. "So? That view I mentioned..."
Maybe it's the shots. Maybe it's the way he's looking at her. Maybe it's how Aurélien didn't even acknowledge her when he passed. Maybe it's all of it, mixing with the bass and the heat and the way William's fingers are drawing promises on her skin.
"Show me," she says, and his smile turns dangerous in the best way.
He leads her through the crowd, hand firm on her lower back. They pass the VIP section where Mike lets out another wolf whistle (she's definitely fighting him tomorrow), where Marcus is too busy with his own conquest to notice, where Cama's eyes go wide before he bumps Jules' shoulder with a knowing look.
She catches one last glimpse of Aurélien at the bar as they head for the exit, watches him knock back what looks like straight whiskey while Bradley says something in his ear. His eyes meet hers for just a moment, dark and intense and full of something she can't name.
But then William's guiding her toward the door, and she decides that's tomorrow's problem.
Tonight belongs to different choices.
**************************
The Uber ride is charged with enough electricity to power all of Budapest. William's got his hand on her thigh, thumb tracing circles that are making her brain malfunction, and listen – she might need to text God an apology real quick because the thoughts she's having right now are absolutely not church-appropriate.
He's definitely feeling those shots, all loose limbs and heated looks, but she's right there with him – everything's got that soft-focus feeling that makes bad decisions feel like destiny. The way he's looking at her like she's something to be devoured is doing things to her heart rate that can't be healthy.
But underneath all that liquid courage, panic is starting to set in. Because this man definitely thinks he's about to get the kind of experience his usual conquests provide, and she's over here having never gone past first base. Her virgin self is really about to try to play in the Champions League with no practice, and that's not even counting the fact that this man is built like he was carved from marble.
"You're thinking too loud," he murmurs, leaning in close enough that she can smell his cologne mixed with expensive liquor. His lips brush her ear and – oh. OH. Maybe this is how she dies. At least it's a good way to go.
The hotel appears way too quickly and not quick enough. William helps her out of the car like the gentleman he is, but his eyes are pure sin as they head for the elevator.
Her heart's doing double-time now, a mix of want and worry that has her pressing her thighs together. Because she wants this – wants him – but also? She's seen the gossip blogs. She knows what these football players are working with. And her inexperienced self is really about to—
The elevator doors close and William presses the button for his floor, and suddenly everything feels very, very real.
Lord help her.
It took no time before William got her pressed against the mirrored wall, one hand braced beside her head while the other plays with the ends of her hair. They haven't even kissed yet but the anticipation is thick enough to cut.
"You're beautiful," he murmurs, eyes tracking over her face like he's memorizing it. "You know that?"
The elevator dings at his floor and suddenly they're playing this game of trying to walk down the hallway while staying as close as possible. His key card takes three tries to work because he's too busy pressing soft kisses to her temple, her cheek, the corner of her mouth that's trying not to smile too wide.
Then they're through his door and everything shifts. His hands find her waist, pulling her close as he backs her against the door. The first press of his lips against hers is gentle, questioning, like he's asking permission yet when she sighs into it, fingers curling into his shirt, gentle goes out the window.
Listen. LISTEN. William Saliba can KISS. She's got her back against his hotel room door, his hands cupping her face like she's precious while simultaneously trying to steal her soul through her mouth. Everything's hazy with want and Clase Azul when his lips find that spot behind her ear that makes her knees weak. One of his hands slides down to her hip, thumb finding skin where her dress has ridden up, and the noise she makes should be embarrassing but he groans in response like she's driving him crazy.
His mouth is doing ungodly things to her neck, the kind of things that make her understand why people write songs about moments like this, when reality crashes back in.
"Wait," she manages to breathe out. "I should... I need to tell you something."
He pulls back just enough to look at her, eyes dark and intense in a way that makes her forget how to breathe. His thumb traces her bottom lip and for a moment she forgets what she was going to say.
"What's wrong?" His voice is rough in a way that does things to her insides, accent thicker than usual.
They've somehow migrated from the door to the middle of his suite, the city lights of Budapest twinkling behind them through floor-to-ceiling windows. His hands are still on her waist, thumbs drawing circles on her hips that make it hard to think straight.
"I've never..." she starts, then stops, trying to find the words while his mouth is doing devastating things to her collarbone. "I haven't..."
He pulls back again, and this time understanding dawns on his face slowly, his eyes widening. One hand comes up to cup her cheek, and she leans into it despite herself.
"Wait. You're...?"
She nods, warmth rushing to her cheeks that has nothing to do with his kisses or the shots still buzzing through her system.
"But you're twenty-four," he says like he's trying to solve a complicated math problem. His other hand is still on her waist, thumb still moving in those maddening circles. "And you look like... I mean, how has nobody...?"
She shrugs, suddenly finding his gold chain very interesting. "Just never happened. Never felt right with anyone."
His fingers catch her chin, tilting her face back up to his. The heat in his eyes has been replaced by something softer, something that makes her heart do different kinds of flips.
"We can wait," he says, thumbs stroking her cheeks. "Until you're ready. No pressure."
"You sure?"
His answering kiss is gentle now, all sweet promise instead of consuming fire. "Some things are worth waiting for."
They end up on his couch, trading lazy kisses that slowly build and ebb like waves. His hands stay respectfully above clothes even when hers wander a bit (because listen, those footballer abs are a gift and she's only human). They talk about nothing and everything – about growing up in France, about her friends in Georgia, about how nervous she was her first day as a PA.
It's nice. More than nice. The kind of nice that makes her wonder if maybe...
But it's getting late, and her willpower is seriously testing its limits with the way he keeps looking at her like she's something precious. She should go. She needs to go.
"I should head back," she murmurs against his lips.
"Mhm," he agrees, but kisses her again anyway.
Ten minutes and several more "I should really go" kisses later, she finally makes it to his door. He pulls her in for one last kiss that nearly changes her mind about leaving.
"Think about what I said," he says. "About London."
"I will."
She's still floating on cloud nine when she rounds the corner and nearly collides with them – Aurélien and what looks like this evening's conquest. The girl's exactly his type – all curves and confidence, the kind of ass that probably has its own Instagram following. They're wrapped around each other like they can't wait to get behind closed doors, and the sight hits her like a bucket of ice water.
Their eyes meet over the girl's shoulder, and something in his expression makes her stomach drop. She tries to slip past quietly, already planning how many miles she'll need to run tomorrow to forget this moment.
"Good night, Leila."
She freezes mid-step, the sound of her actual name falling from his lips feeling like a slap. Not 'ma puce'. Not his usual pet name that makes her heart flutter. Just Leila.
His hotel room door clicks shut, and she stands there in the hallway like someone just pressed pause on her whole world. In the eight months she's known him, through every up and down, every early morning and late night, every moment of casual intimacy and professional distance, he's never once called her just Leila.
Never once until now, when she's standing in a hallway wearing another man's kisses while he takes another woman to his bed.
The universe really does have a sense of humor.
A cruel one.
………….tbd
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yanphighting · 2 days ago
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Omgomgomg yandere phighting blog!!!
Is it possible for me to request Yandere Dom or Valk headcanons? Or both? If not then Yandere Medkit headcanons if you don't mind?
Sorry if im coming off strong I'm just really excited to see a yandere phighting blog!!
(Is it possible for me to be 🥞 Anon? ^^)
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╰┈❥ YANDERE VALK AND DOM
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AN: I LOVED DOING THIS REQ,,, Hope you enjoy this! Had a lotta fun writing this!
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♡ Valk always takes photos of you whenever you two hang out, cute photos of you two hugging, sharing a coffee together, you wearing the brand-new outfit he had bought you for your spawnday. He never lets you see the photos though for some reason always being so secretive about them, saying he's just keeping them on his phone. Later on, he'll post them to every platform he can get his claws on, captioning the photos about how he was so glad to be with his spouse.
♡ Valk as a draconic like demon definitely has the traits of one. He's can't help that he has the need to grab everything and anything you own and have it all to himself. Your clothes are definitely things he'll take most often, sweaters, shirts and scarves that still smell exactly like you. He keeps everything he had hoarded from you in a drawer in his room, cuddling with the items whenever he thinks it misses you.
♡ Even if Firebrand is gone currently I'd think Valk would still have a lot of status as he is the grandson of the deity. He would find demons from all around the Crossroads to find your favorite thing, limited edition doesn't matter to him he'll find everything you would ever wish for, that'll definitely get you to like him! If you ask questions about how he found whatever you wanted he'd just chuckle saying that he has his ways.
♡ Valk would message you an alarming amount of times. It doesn't matter if you're busy, you will come back to see five or more missed messages with even more coming in about how he misses you, how he wishes you could hang out like right now or just him spamming you with stupid messages. Even if you'd block his number or change yours, he'd find a way to text you again.
♡ Valk absolutely swears to himself that he has to end up with you! You're the perfect demon for him, you two just NEED to be together. He'll vaguely talk about you as ' this cute demon he's been fawning over' everyone in the general vicinity WILL hear about you. Valk thinks and dreams about you every second he can. It's gotten to the point where he's most likely messed up announcements or some sort of choreography due to daydreaming about you.
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♡ Dom, similar to his brother, definitely has the draconic hoarding habit however he's more discreet about it. Instead of taking clothing items he's more likely to take smaller trinkets and items from you, hair ties, small plushies that once littered your bed and even a bottle of your favorite perfume! He keeps smaller items with him so it's like he's carrying around a small piece of you whoever he's going.
♡ Instead of gushing about you online like a certain someone he keeps his thoughts to himself. Dom writes about you as he thinks about you, he'll write about how happy the two of you'll be once you start dating or even marry! He'll also just aimlessly jot down the things he noticed about you throughout the week,how you smiled at his joke, how you seemed much more at ease with him! It just makes his wing flutter with excitement as he swoons over you like a teenage girl.
♡ On a similar note he'd write songs about you! Songs about how much he loves you and how every bit of you is so CUTE! He'd wouldn't show you the songs if you saw him writing them out going with the excuse that it was 'unreleased' material that you weren't allowed to see. Maybe one day he'd show you them.
♡ Dom would have a stalking habit, he doesn't entirely mean for it to happen, he just wants to make sure you're safe! You may not see him but he's seeing you whenever you end up going. You start feeling a bit uneasy after a trip to a mall in Crossroads, swearing that you'd seen Dom watching you from the corner of your eye yet when you turn to look ... he's gone. You're not even safe when you're home. Maybe it's just late-night paranoia getting to you, but you swear there's someone at your window watching you sleep.
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hotchnerwrites · 12 hours ago
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Hiiii 🤍 I'm the anon who requested Obsessed Hotch i wanted to tell you that you did an amazing job i really loved what you wrote, thanks for taking the request 🥹🥹🫂
I thought of something new if you don't mind🥹
It could be something about Hotch and the reader where they're sitting across from each other, maybe in a restaurant or something and he says something like 'don't you think you're too far away from me?🤨?' Or maybe the reader lifts his foot a little under the table to stretch it out and Hotch feels the movement so he pulls it a little to indicate that he should come closer. 🥹
In the end they end up sitting next to each other and he is so proud that he got what he wanted. 🙂‍↕️
I know i mentioned a restaurant but it can also be while they eat at home or even at work whatever is best for you.🫶🏻
I hope you had an amazing holiday and have the most amazing year ever! 🫂💌💌
I send you my love and a hug 🙂‍↕️
pls just consider it only if you like the idea if you can't ignore it!🫂
One Inch Closer
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Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x reader
Word Count: 0.9k
Warnings: SFW, first date, new relationship, fluff, flirting, nervousness, hand-holding, Aaron is touchy
A/N: Hello Anon! Thank you so much for your kind words. This is the kind of stuff that keeps me motivated!!! I'm so glad to see you in my requests again, it's always such a pleasure to write for you. I'd been hoping you'd request again <3 I'm sorry for the wait; I was travelling, and I had no access to my laptop. But it's done finally! I hope you like it, please enjoy reading it!!! Sending you my love. Oh, btw! I wrote two parts for this 👀 😁 I legit couldn't choose between either suggestion. Keep an eye out for a part two hehe 💨💨
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Dividers by @/enchanthings-a My requests are open! Send me stuff :)
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You hadn’t thought buying an ice cream at your local park would’ve landed you in this spot a couple weeks later.
It had been on a whim. You hadn’t seen one of those ice cream trucks since you were seven, and it had been a hot day. So, you’d decided to treat yourself to something sweet. You definitely deserved it after the week you’d had. After fending off some very hyperactive children, you managed to acquire your soft serve. And that’s where you met him— Aaron Hotchner. He had been hard to miss, a towering wall of muscle standing in line behind you. 
You don’t know how it happened, how a simple gesture of sharing a bench with him as you licked your cone had turned into a surprisingly entertaining conversation. Maybe it was when you started laughing at his dry jokes. Maybe it was when he told you about the time he accidentally wore mismatched shoes to a meeting and didn’t notice until someone pointed it out an hour later. 
You couldn’t hide your delight as he shrugged and said, “At least they were both black.” 
But somewhere between the ice cream and the short stroll through the park after, you’d found yourself falling for him. So you didn’t think twice about accepting his request for dinner together. Now, here you were, sitting across from Aaron’s handsome features at a candlelit table in a fancy restaurant.
And you were nervous. 
No, this was way more— you could almost hear your heart hammering. You cast a glance at Aaron across your booth, wondering if he could feel your nerves radiating across the table. But he seemed entirely at peace, his demeanour calm as he perused the menu. If anything, it just made the difference between the two of you feel even more glaring. Aaron was effortlessly composed. Meanwhile, you were fidgeting with the tablecloth, the restaurant feeling like a furnace suddenly. You could only pray that something would distract you from these incessant first-date nerves. 
“What would you like to eat tonight? The roast chicken is the only thing I can pronounce on here, I might just get that,” he laughs quietly, eyes twinkling in the soft light of the candle.
You blinked. Your mouth opened in response, but your brain had apparently taken a walk. An awkward silence ensued, but pandemonium broke loose within you.
Oh my god. You couldn’t believe you’d just frozen up like that. Not after how easy conversation had flowed with him in the park. What if he thought you were bizarre? You probably looked like an idiot right now. Please, don’t let this be the reason you never hear from him again.
“Are you all right?” Aaron’s deep timbre cut through the chaos of your mind. His brown eyes were studying you from across the table. You had feared judgment, but there was nothing but concern behind the intensity of his gaze. 
“Yeah... I’m fine. Sorry, uh, I’m just…” you chuckled nervously, “First date jitters, I think.”
A smile tugged the corner of his mouth. 
“I don’t bite, sweetheart,” he teased, his voice soothing the tension in your stomach.
You laughed, enchanted by how easily he had managed to put a stop to your spiralling.
The waiter dropped off your drinks, and for a moment, there was nothing but the soft clink of glasses, the rustling of the napkins, and the quiet hum of conversations filling the space. Then, Aaron shifted in his seat, his focus narrowing on you. His brow furrowed slightly—something unreadable flashing through his gaze.
He seemed a bit… off. 
You shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what to do. 
Was the conversation too dry? Or maybe the food was taking too long?
A breath of hesitation caught in your chest as your eyes met his. You could acutely feel the weight of his gaze, soft yet all-consuming, as if he was dissecting every little thought, every little gesture.
"Is something wrong?" you asked, voice tentative.
"No," Aaron said quickly, though there was a tension in his posture, something that was just a little too intense for the moment. He took a deep breath, his gaze never leaving you. “But don’t you think you’re a little... too far away?”
You blinked at him, unsure what he meant at first, but then his eyes softened with a hint of something—was he flirting?
He was still watching you, eyes never wavering. There was something in the air now, something you couldn’t quite define, but you felt it rush through your veins, making your heart skip.
A nervous giggle slipped from your lips before you could stop it. You felt a flush creeping up your neck, and you quickly masked it with a smile. “Is that so?”
There was something effortlessly intimate about the way he said it, how he made it feel like it was your choice, your move. Without thinking, you got up and slid next to him in the booth. 
"Better?" you asked softly, your voice not quite as steady as you wanted it to be.
Aaron’s lips curled into a satisfied smile, “Much.” 
His gaze lingered on you for a moment longer, before his hand, ever so casually, reached out to cover yours. The heat of his palm felt comforting against your skin and steadied your pulsing heart.
The waiter came back with your food, but neither of you really paid attention to the plates being set down in front of you.
"Thanks for coming tonight," he said, his voice suddenly softer, almost vulnerable. “I wasn’t sure you’d say yes when I asked, but I’m really glad you did.”
You smiled, your heart fluttering again. “Aaron, I wouldn’t miss this for all the world.”
And in the quiet that followed, you both knew it wasn’t just a dinner anymore. It was the start of something new, something that neither of you had fully anticipated—but were both quietly excited to explore.
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Thank you for reading! I appreciate any likes/comments/reblogs/follows. Constructive criticism is welcome. Do not plagiarise my content and/or post it anywhere without crediting me.
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part 2 (coming soon!)
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hareofhrair · 2 days ago
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So I could pull out a pile of sources for you on why starving yourself isn't going to make you thin, on the endless evils of the diet industry, on how being fat doesn't make you unhealthy. I can bring you a truck load of empirical evidence that fat is just a body type, and fatphobia is rooted in classism and racism. I will, if you ask me to.
But the truth is none of that would change your mind, because it's not actually about being fat.
It's about hurting yourself.
This is a form of self harm, no different from cutting, except that society at large will encourage you to keep doing it till you drop dead and then stand over your grave and say "what a shame, if she had just lost five more pounds she would have been so pretty." Society can suck a dick.
You can't fix an eating disorder by fixing your weight. It's a compulsive behavior, and generally speaking our brains latch on to these compulsive behaviors because they relieve stress in some way, even if that is self destructive down the road.
A lot of compulsive behaviors, at their root, are about feeling like we're in control, especially when we have limited control over the rest of our lives, or we're trying to grapple with something inherently uncontrollable.
You need to shift your focus away from your weight, and towards what obsessing over your weight allows you to control or avoid, and deal with the problem at its source. Sometimes the problem will be something that can't be fully dealt with. So you can look for healthier ways to cope with the stress.
Try making a note every time you find yourself dwelling on your weight or how much you eat, ect. Physically write it down, if you can. Take note of what you were just doing before the urge to hurt yourself started, and the date and time. This can help you track down the things that trigger those feelings, so that when you encounter those things, you can be prepared for the feelings that are going to follow and consciously work against them.
Here's a list of other free resources that may be helpful, but if you're restricting yourself to one meal a day, it'll be very difficult to pull out of this spiral on your own. You need help and support, including professional support.
As a last note-- try to keep in mind just how much prolonged hunger fucks with your brain.
Disordered eating is linked to a reduced ability to cope with stressful situations, as well as an increased incidence of suicidal thoughts and behaviours (NEDC, 2018). Research has found that starvation has widespread and profound effects on mood and cognitive functioning (Brockmeyer et al., 2012). Severely restricting the amount of food eaten can be a very dangerous practice. When starved of food, the body responds by reducing the rate at which it burns energy (the metabolic rate) (NEDC, 2018). The human brain operates at a very high metabolic rate, using a substantial portion of the body’s total energy and nutrient intake (Sarris et al., 2015). Without proper nutrition to fuel our brain transmission and function, our brain is left vulnerable (Altomare et al., 2017).
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To end on a lighter note, related to the above, there's a historical anecdote about Ibn Sina, a famous doctor, who had a patient that fell into a depression, began refusing to eat, and fell under the delusion that he was a cow. He mooed and begged to be slaughtered. Ibn Sina approached the man pretending to be a butcher and said the cow was too lean and not ready to be slaughtered, it would need to eat and get fat first. The man began eating again, and, once he had a few meals in him and could think straight, the delusion ended.
You don't know me from adam and you didn't ask for my advice, so I don't blame you if you ignore this. But I care about you and I want you to live, because we're human and caring for each other is what we're meant to do. So if you ever need someone to talk to, my dms are open. I hope tomorrow is better than today.
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yesplsnothankyou · 5 months ago
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I only come on tumblr when I'm at the very end of my rope and barely hanging on by a quickly disintegrating thread and I don't know what that tells you about me
#boygenius#lah posting#I took the drugs again#I'm worse but better#I will not stagnate#i have therapy tomorrow#it's gonna be another one of those times when I spend the whole time crying#I don't have anyone anymore that i can rely on to hold space for me when I cry#i can hold space for my own emotions now thank you very much#i'm extremely proud of that fact because six months ago that hill felt absolutely insurmountable#but it really helps when there's occasionally someone else to help with that#sorrow shared is half the sorrow and joy shared is double joy#and all that#but i'm really scared for how this is going to end#i'm in really fucking deep at this point#and it's only getting deeper#i don't want to lose my person or the farm or our plans for the future#but it can't go on like this#no matter what i do#and i can't make him realise and i can't do it for him#but i'm afraid that instead of facing the music and turning shit around he's going to choose a much worse way of dealing with things#If this ends i don't think i could ever date again#i know that's dramatic but i'm being very serious about this#i keep thinking i'm dating someone completely different each time but then every time without fail after a year or two#they get into a deep funk and can't seem to do anything but stew and complain and be mean and ruin any chance of being in a good mood#every single time to the point where i wonder if that's just what happens to people who date me#and i can't stand it because while i'm far from toxic positivity i take pride in choosing to not behave like that when things dont go my wa#but i can't risk letting this keep happening again. I genuinely think i can now be happier loving myself than i'd ever be trusting romance.#I've come so far in my healing and I can't keep letting people derail me who have no idea how to self-regulate or have self-compassion#I'm getting sick again. I can feel it happening in my body
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meejijis · 4 months ago
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People who age up Jeanne just to be the same age as Ren are cowards
#text#I also don't agree with the headcanon interpretation of Ren treating her like a “kid” either in the BP era because of their age difference#If anything I like to believe they treated eachother as equals and have mutual respect for one another#I personally find it boring to keep restricting your enjoyment on the ship all because of their 4 year age gap. When they literally have#no power imbalance in their dynamic neither theyre unhealthy. Theyre both mature for their ages if anything#Like yeah its ok to be uncomfortable and grossed out because theyre a adult x teen ship I get it. But still again they have a pretty#mature and healthy relationship by the end of the day as it even shows in their adult years. Idk why ppl have such a hard time#grasping the concept that Ren and Jeanne had a mature healthy relationship during the BP era and still wishes#for jeanne to be aged up or make her the same age as Ren because 4 year age gap is too much apparently#also lets not forget theyve been through hell in their childhoods and had to grow up fast in the toxic environment they were in#. but nah ppl think a 4 year age gap is much worse and it'll make both parties even more traumatized ever then before#than the hell they were put through as kids. Lord#I think their tragic backstories were MUCH worse honestly to the point it gives them life long trauma and endless nightmares#But them dating I literally dont give a fuck as they literally healed each other when they got together romantically#Also note: I still believe people can do whatever they want by the end of the day. Sometimes not all aus are made for everyone and thats ok#Do whatever that makes you feel the most comfortable and see fit-- I just find it a tad bit sad when ppl restrict themselves strictly#when it comes to fictional age gap ships in general when they could break loose and go all out having fun without thinking about#irl morals because this is fiction but thats just me
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born-to-lose · 5 months ago
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I love being the always single person in my family, mad respect to my sister for constantly dating guys for the last 8 years, I would have shot myself
#whenever my mom asks if i have love news of my own while we're talking about my sister's newest catch and i say no#i hope she doesn't feel pity because like. this is the life that i choose. my sister's ex boyfriends were enough for ME even#and i only met a handful of them personally but heard more than enough shit about them#i just always think i'm only flirting with some guys only to never talk to them again or ghost them because it's fun#fat girl who's always been seen as ugly by other people gets to flirt with good looking people is the ultimate ego boost arc#if i ever date anyone seriously again it better be true love and end in kids and marriage until death or i'll live as a hermit#until that happens tho...... life is a party i don't wanna miss a thing break some men's heart get revenge yolo etc etc#also the thought of actively dating freaks me out. if i meet someone and we tolerate each other long term that's good#but dating apps or going on dates with several people and deciding who's the best like on the bachelorette?? death first#plus i lowkey don't like men as a concept. at least the type i've dated. i guess you could say my last ex traumatized me hahaha 👍🏻 (🔨🔨)#i think i'm too young to be in a committed relationship anyway. or even to seek getting into one. there are much more important things rn#i know former classmates my age are having kids or getting married but idgaf the one who got engaged last year has been with him for 7 year#which is a decent time tbh you change quite a bit during that time and if it feels right why not#but i can't wrap my head around searching for a relationship when you don't even have a stable job and know what else you want in life#rambling again sorryyyy but yeah proud single here and i'm not saying this out of spite because i genuinely enjoy it#all relationships i've been in were so draining (tbf they were long distance too) and got me at rock bottom and had me filled with regret#also these men can be so controlling and jealous when you just wanna go out with friends while they do whatever they want too#but when you say you don't want a jealous partner they think that's a free pass for them to cheat like what the actual fuck#do you see the difference between being unnecessarily jealous when you hang out with friends and being rightfully jealous when they cheat??#at this point idk what to say. i'm very entertained by my friends' dating journeys but that couldn't be me#all the gossip i provide for them is which people i flirted with for the ego and who i ghosted and who ghosted me#mel talks
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discoreptile · 6 months ago
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youtube
Beasties of Greenhollow soundtrack! Some tracks on this are from older projects like elphame but all of them have been reworked in some way. Most of them are entirely new. Enjoy!
#soundtrack#music#indiegamedev#Youtube#beasties of greenhollow#indiegame#chiptune#elphame#hey again gang. Another scream into the void#Things have been getting more interesting tbh#I'm starting therapy again. I have learned from this that my anxiety is in the very very high end.#And I guess the only thing that surprises me about that is that it's an abnormally high amount vs the average.#I've had more intrusive thoughts this week than in a long time. (I almost said ever but that was 2021 where they woke me up...)#It's mostly about my mistakes and ppl I've scared out of being in my life because of the actions based on my anxieties.#Like “if i could go back in time I could fix it”... girl you'd be going back in time like 100 times. At that point it's not fair lmao#I think I shouldn't talk about who I'm dating here anymore. Friends told me to stop seeing so many new people and I took that advice.#I'm exercising incredibly frequently; obsessively so. It really doesn't change much in my anxiety. I walk for like 3 hours a day.#My friend group is... difficult. One of us had a falling out with another and the dynamic is just so awkward for me now.#it just seems like everyone else has moved past it though but I still miss him. I don't think this can be reversed#we used to talk on my stream and play digimon cards n jackbox and d&d... But now they're only interested in d&d which I don't love#For god's sake I've published a game and moved to a nice new place. why aren't I happy hahahaha#work is no longer enjoyable since BoG was publised. our new project is in an iffy category but it's not my place to argue#I want to write music and animate but I have to do my hours for this new project before I can do anything like that...#I ended up siding with my current boss in that ethical dilemma I posted about and rn idk if that was the right decision.#Okay what can i talk about that's good? We moved to a nice place. I'm celebrating BoG's release with family tomorrow.#Graeme's playing Iconoclasts- one of my favourite games! He's also returning to work soon so it'll be less awkward to have a lady over#Thinking about good stuff going on just draws the mind to holidays I've had before. I treasure my memories!#Okay so I've complained for a long long time bc life doesn't feel great rn. But rest assured I already know this is 90% my fault hahaha#Oh another good thing that happened!!! My elestrals card was printed and ppl are really happy with it. I have a card in a real card game!!!#don't tell anyone but there's another one on the way. Anyway that will do for now. I'm sorry about my... self.
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youremyonlyhope · 7 months ago
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I'm not a "new musical theatre style music" person. Never have been.
Even when I was doing voice lessons, I'd steer towards the golden age or jazzy musical theatre songs. My voice teacher would have to drag me kicking and screaming towards adding anything new musical theatre to my repertoire. For a while, the most modern song in my book was I Know The Truth from Aida, and I wouldn't count that as new musical theatre style since I mean more the Pasek&Paul or Joe Iconis type.
And now I have an audition coming up for a small production of a show in that style and I'm supposed to sing a song in a similar style. And I'm looking at all my sheet music like... let me do some Cole Porter... or Gershwin... at least Sondheim please...
#look i do have SOME newer musicals in my book. but like i said. kicking and screaming.#i'm probably gonna end up doing 'I Think That He Likes Me' which is not IN a musical it's just new musical theatre style#as part of a songbook for some writing duo that i can't remember the name of and it's 2:45am so i can't care enough to look it up.#and it's the only one in my sheet music folder that i'm like 'ok. this is TRULY the right style' and i know it's good in my voice#and it's a cute song and i do like it and it definitely fits the overall vibe of the show#and though i haven't sung it in like 4 years i still remember 90% of the words and have time to study it before the audition#but while trying to find that song deep deep in my folder i pass by other songs i just love so much more#and i'm like ahhhhhhhh why#and i'm not even like 'god i hope i get it' (see A Chorus Line. that's more my type) i truly don't care if i'm cast or not#and yes i can technically audition with any song i could ever want it's just suggested to do the same style#but i know the entire creative panel who i'll be auditioning for and the last 2 times i auditioned for them i sang the same song#only because it's a GOOD song that fit both shows i was auditioning for (Can't Stop Talking About Him by Frank Loesser)#(perfect audition song since it's short at like 28 bars and you can pick the tempo and do a lot of character stuff)#(but see this is what i mean. like 1/3 of my entire sheet music folder is golden age musicals. then half is 60s-90s.)#(and then the last chunk are the few new-ish musical theatre and some pop music.)#(if i took performing more seriously i'd have a wider range but this is truly just for fun and just for me. so i do what i like.)#i don't want to go in for a 3rd audition with the same creative team and doing the same song. especially since it doesn't fit this time.#so once again. dragged kicking and screaming. over to new musical theatre territory. unwillingly.#if i get cast we'll have to see if the show itself even grows on me since honestly i think there's maybe 2 songs i like in it.#it's definitely not the worst new musical theatre style show but it's also not one that drew me in.#ok wait while looking through lists of 'new musical theatre' shows to find one i actually like (i think just Legally Blonde sorry guys)#(every other new musical in the last 20 years that i like did something interesting with the music like Come From Away)#i ended up finding out that apparently 13 was adapted into a netflix movie? when did that even happen?#i mean i don't care for that show either but i thought i was at least up to date on movie adaptations.
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poisoncupids · 11 months ago
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say what u want about it but jiper really is for people who didn't know they were gay until after the majority of their teen years
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chaotictomtom · 1 year ago
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trying to check out to see if i'll ever manage to get top surgery this year and. let's just say i thought the delay would be bigger but. the price is still always such a big ass problem i kinda wanna bash my head against a wall but. anyway
#living with 600/month and having no idea if i'll ever get a job after this semi-work that ends in march but. oh well!!!#already tried to calculate if i could ever save any money from the little time i get to work there but!!! only make me wanna cry#im afraid this will be another year w/o top surgery 😀 dying in the summer and wishing to rip my skin off. w/o the hope i'll at least#get a date some day. cos at this rate i have absolutely no hope ngl.#the whole organisation to get to one of the potential surgeon 2h away is already making me want to explode#i have absolutely no idea how i'll ever be able to pull this off. ever. i don't even know if we'll be able to stay in this flat by the end#of our contracts. so. yeah#i can't see past 4 months away how can i think i'll ever be able to start this thing going. trying to but i stay silly ing the situation but#!!!!! im so desperate i feel so drained and exhausted. the mere idea of summer makes me wanna kms i'm dreading going through it another year#smh.#absolutely no one gives a shit i shouldn't vent in da tags for the 1 day of the yea#but im suddenly hit with an enormous wave of despair that i know won't go away cos it's always on my mind#and seeing the facts once again that i'll prob never be able to afford it is not helpiiiinh#yes i live in france no not everything is paid by healthcare cos it's still considered as non vital </3333#dental/ear/teeth problems started to get fully refundable (on specific little things) only a few years ago#so we're like decades of getting top surgery refunded 100% im afraid</3#i shouldn't complain but then again what's the use of cool healthcare if we can't ever have access to a doctor. of any kind.#smh smh smh#rent over I'm sick of myself i'll shut up sorry
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kuromi-hoemie · 2 years ago
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i can't believe i used all my tags on this. i have MORE TO SAY. honorable mentions i will not elaborate on: pikmin, runescape, OG animal crossing.
the reason for all my tags is because there's a difference between "most fun" and "most important" and feel like if they're important u should at least say why :3
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#1. metroid prime trilogy: my first dive into metroidvania games and to this day it is probably my favorite genre next to soulsborne.#also as a space nerd egg “wow she's so cool i wish i could be like her” lmaooooo buddy..#2. eternal darkness sanity's requiem: REALLY great unique game. graphics r a bit dated but i think it otherwise holds up rly well.#great spellcasting system with a rock beats scissors beats paper type of thing between different uh. “types” of magic? sourced#from different gods that seem to exist outside of time. idk what bar it raised exactly but it made a strong impression on me#and I've been wishing i had something like it ever since. the sequel has been started multiple times but i don't think it's ever#gonna happen 😔 nintendo has some surprisingly GREAT rated R games.#3. fallout new vegas/skyrim: having enjoyed these so much I've had them on every system i think getting them for PC was a literal#game changer. i played vanilla then ultimate editions and Thought i played them to death but once i got console access on PC??#it kinda served as my entry point to using mods and recently I've even made my own mod for elden ring and dark souls 3 (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)#not that I really needed or used mods with those games - but just kinda being Aware™ that being on PC means u have access#to the game's underlying functionality that you don't get on console. making bat scripts for skyrim/fonv made for some#HILARIOUS gameplay 😭#4. Sonic adventure 2 battle: rly just the sonic games in general but this one FUCKS. Songs r bangers. love the characters.#u low-key kidnap the president for a bit?? more like u break into his car to talk with him nonchalantly lol but still 💀#i listen to the OST to this day!!! when i think of a favorite GameCube game this is one of the first to come to mind.#and the chaos 🥺🥺🥺 and Rogue hey queen (⁠。⁠ノ⁠ω⁠\⁠。⁠)#5. hard to pick a Last One here.. I'm sure there are a lot of games that could be a stand-in choice but RE4/Dead Space Trilogy:#these were some GREAT horror survival games with a good plot and engaging gameplay. Dead Space especially was one me and#all my friends played and took turns playing (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠❤ just the time spent together alone was good but just rly solidifying that#u can have horror a good plot And good gameplay all in one. i love survival horror as a genre to this day (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠) wish i could#remember others i played but i can't?? speaks to how iconic they were at the time though.#6. (honorable mention) the mass effect trilogy: u wanna talk about great plot and engaging gameplay?? these games were SO#fucking good omg 😭 i LOVE the lil class system and the different abilities u get to use i loved that u could carry ur character and#decisions across games. and the fucking TRAGEDY of ur faves not making it thru the ending of ME2 (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠) I fr#Went Back so i could try again and again till i at LEAST saved Jack but also saved everyone.#i think the emotional payoff for all ur characters ur invested in r pretty good when u make it to the third since it's p cinematic?#kinda want to play it again. ick do i want to touch the origin launcher though is the real question (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠;⁠) i bought it in a bundle#on steam and immediately asked for a refund when i realized i couldn't just play it through the steam launcher (⁠ノ⁠`⁠⌒⁠´⁠)⁠ノ⁠┫⁠:⁠・⁠┻⁠┻#anyways. lots of time spent there too and another addition to the “you can have fun gameplay AND a great plot” pile.
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longagoitwastuesday · 1 month ago
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Found Gojo/Ijichi art. All is good in the world
#The chokehold they have on me is unexpected lol#I was thinking just a few days ago that Gojo/Utahime was growing on me in earnest beyond the art and fics#even though it definitely came from that with how looking for Utahime stuff almost necessarily takes you to Gojo#But yeah Ijichi/Gojo still are it for me here haha I felt like a genoma soldier in mgs when I saw the art. Could feel the ! pop over my head#I could have done a silly little dance#I don't know. It wasn't even romantic truly? Or not explicitly? I love when art does that. For some reason it moves me so much#There's this comic in which Utahime Shoko and Ijichi all feel Gojo's absence through the silence he left behind#instead of being his annoying self asking for sweet or teasing or joking around and it left such a big impression on me#And there's another one in which Utahime is doing just something work related and suddenly she notices how quiet it is#How strange the silence#Smiles softly because it's comfortable. Because it's better. But it doesn't feel better. It doesn't feel good.#Her smiling face and tilting head thinking 'Oh. It's so quiet. How strange' doesn't feel positive at all and that too isn't exactly ship art#but it too moved me to the bone and left a big impression on me#Ship related art with Gojo as one of the parties I love when they include Geto's absence somewhat. There's one in which Gojo's talking#with Geto and iirc Geto teases him about how he doesn't look happy at all about finally getting Utahime to agree to a date with him#and Gojo makes some comment about how it's all for nothing because there's an uncrossable line between them. A separation#That they're bound to break up or something so it's not truly worth it to make the connection#And then you can see Gojo is actually alone and Geto was never there. He just knew him so well he could make up what he would have said#And damn was that good#Same with that one first fic I read back in June. It was Gojo/Utahime but it was in great part about Geto's abandonment of Gojo and Shoko#It started and ended that way#And it drove me nuts haha so good#Anyway... I don't know. I love when artista exploit that aspect of the characters mourning Gojo in their daily routines#Ijichi checking if there's still sweets in the car. Shoko double checking some rooms. Utahime musing about how quiet it is without him#It feels so... so true to life. How it never ends. How at times memory plays tricks on you and for one instant you almost forget#You almost expect the other person to appear. And then the absence feels bigger and unbearable again#Like living it all over again#Oh it's true. I don't need to keep sweets in the car anymore#It's true. He won't ever be in this room again nor will he ever be the one opening the morge's door#He won't be making noise or interrupting me anymore. I can't even say it's bothersome yet it is. What do I do with this silence I have left?
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