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water-to-drink · 2 days ago

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Be a Gladiolus in a Field of Belladonnas pt17

“Degenerates Like You Belong in Prison”

(Synopsis): After being captured by Fontainian authorities you are placed in confinement and are forced to come to terms with the fact that you’re on your own

Part 1 Last Part Next Part

✧ Masterlist ✧

(Characters): traveler!Lumine, Paimon, abyss prince!Aether, Childe, Wriothesley, Sigewinne, Neuvillette, Jean, Al haitham, Kujo Sara, Ayato, Ganyu, Ningguang, ???, ???, ???, & ???

(Tags/Warnings): This takes place before Fontaine’s archon quest, gn!reader, harm is done towards the reader, not beta read, possible ooc characters, (if i missed anything lmk)

(A/n): I can’t embed links in post anymore, if anyone has any suggestions or ideas than please feel free to share

(Word Count): 2k

Heavy footsteps echo throughout the lavish halls. A soldier clad in golden armor makes her way to a large door that leads to their Grace’s quarters. With an equally heavy hand she pushes the door open and there she sees your doppelgänger sitting on their golden throne

They turn their attention towards the lowly soldier and the look in their eyes sent shivers down her spine

“What is it?” Your doppelgänger spoke coldly

The soldier bowed before them and hesitantly whispered “Uhh, the imposter… was captured, your Grace…”

“Where are they being held?”

“In a maximum security prison in Fontaine, your Grace…”

Suddenly the room was filled with a maniacal laughter, the soldier looked up to see your doppelgänger doubled over in laughter

“Finally! That rat has been caught! I bet they’re a crying mess!” Your doppelgänger cackled out while falling out from their throne before standing up at full height, towering over the kneeling soldier. “Hehe, you’re dismissed. I have to make arrangements for that filthy imposter’s execution.” They said with an evil smirk that also uncanny

Rough and calloused hands grab your arms and drag you into an underwater prison, which you learned it’s named the Fortress of Meropide

Your feet drag against the iron floor, the guards don’t let you walk, preferring to drag you wherever they are taking you. You take in the surroundings and see that the walls and floors are all made of iron and has dingy atmosphere, you just can’t help wallow in your own misery

Finally the guards stop in front of a door with a deadbolt lock on it, a third guard presses in a code and the door opens. The guards shove you into the room and slowly walk through the door. You look up at them to see they’re taking out their batons. Realizing what’s going to happen you instinctively curled up into a little ball, making sure to protect your head and stomach

The guards bring their batons down on your helpless form, their blows mercilessly and brutal. You don’t know how you were beaten for you just pay attention to the floor, mainly the bolts protruding from it. Examining each unique scratch the bolts have was all you could focus on, even counting every scratch you could see, you were so focused that you didn’t notice the loud sound of the door opening

“What is the meaning of this?!” The strong voice broke you out of your trance and made the guards stop beating you

“Your Grace! We’re just-”

“I don’t want to hear it! Get out before your punishment is worse than it is right now!”

The footsteps of the guards quickly became more quite as they rushed out of the room. You lifted your head to see a muscular man with black and white hair kneeling over you

“Don’t move, I’ll get Sigewinne to look at your wounds.”

Your eyes felt heavy and before you knew it

A small girl with two unusual horns on her head that look soft to the touch entered your room, she looked uncomfortabled in your presence. She slowly walked towards you and stopped by your bed

“I’m going to need you to take off your jacket.”

You followed her instructions and put the Fatui jacket right next to you. A look of horror filled the young girl’s face, you saw a few tears forming in her tear line. Before you could ask Sigewinne what’s wrong she blinks away her tears and starts to bandage your bruised arms

The two of you didn’t utter a word to each other and after she finished patching you up she handed you a cup filled with a strange liquid

“Drink this, it’ll help with the healing process.”

You wordlessly took the drink and examined it, the concoction gave you an uneasy feeling like this drink wasn’t meant for human consumption

“Don’t worry, it’s not poisoned.” You looked up to see the same man from before. “It’s safe to drink but it will taste weird.”

Your eyes felt don’t have much confidence but at least if is poisoned your death won’t be at the hands of your imposter. You downed the drink and instantly your mouth is filled with an unpleasant taste, it almost taste like that awful medicine your parents forced you to take as a kid whenever you were sick

Your parents…

You wonder how they and your friends are doing?

How long has time past since you’ve been gone? Have they filed a missing person case? Your taken out of your thoughts when Wriothesley speaks

“Since you’re an usual case, I have decided that you will be in solitary confinement. You will be given 3 meals a day and be allowed some time out of your room.” He heads towards the door and Sigewinne hesitantly follows him, before he could close the door you see Sigewinne wordlessly mouthing a word that you can’t quite understand

Before you think you a grasp on it the door is closed and you hear it locked leaving you alone with only your thoughts to keep you company

Outside Wriothesley walks into his office and makes a phone call

Half way across the world a phone rings and a woman picks it up

“Hello this is the Liyue Qixing, Huixin speaking.” The secretary spoke with a little hesitation due to her limited experience working a telephone. “Yes, he’s here. Wait one moment.” Huixin stood up and handed the phone to a man with long white hair. “Mister Neuvillette you have a call.”

“Hello?”

“Neuvillette, the imposter is in my custody, they’re in solitary and have way of escaping.”

“That’s good to hear. I will let them know.” Neuvillette puts the phone down on the base before turning towards the other envoys and sharing the news with them

“That’s a relief.” Jean said

“We shouldn’t celebrate just yet, we must take every precaution to ensure that they don’t escape again.” Al haitham stated

“I don’t know why their Grace insist on waiting and not killing that vile imposter.” Kujo Sara crossed her arms

“Questioning their Grace’s actions, that’s almost blasphemous.” The Natlan high priestess joked

“Chimalma is right, we are no position to question the actions the highest among the gods.” Ayato advises

“So who is going to make their Grace, aware of this recent update?” Ganyu asked looking around towards the others in the room

“Their Grace is already aware.” Nigguang announced causing the others to look at her in surprise

“H-how did they take the news, relieved I bet.” Ganyu asked

“They weren’t relieved. I would say more elated.” Ningguang explained while leaving the part out where your imposter looked maniacal. The Tianquan won’t forget the look of fear on the poor soldier’s face as they described their Grace’s features to look almost demonic like

Staring up at the same wall you’ve been staring at for the past couple of days, the only reason you know a few days have past is because of the food the guards have given you

You can recognize some breakfast food items, like toast with butter, eggs, pancakes, and a few strips of bacon. The food is okay, most times the food is tolerable while some it feels almost inedible. You miss the food you grew up with, the smile on your face it brings to your small features

Without anything to do you think back on your home

Your friends and family

How are they doing? Have they notice that you were gone? Have they even file a missing person report? All questions that rumble around in your mind

Another question that you often asks yourself is where are the twins and Childe?

Were they captured along with you? No, Aether could easily open up a portal to the abyss when things get too hot, so why hasn’t he opened a portal in your cell? Have they decided that your too much trouble to save? All of this mess started when you first arrived here, everyone was happily living their lives until everything went out of whack

Perphaps the twins and Childe thought that it was better for you to be killed off by your doppelgänger

Tears filled your vision, you curled up into a ball and cried

You cried and cried

Until you had enough of crying

“I going to get out of here.” You told yourself. “I’m not going to lay here and wait to die.” You stood up from your cot and wiped away your tears. “No matter what. I will get out of here!”

You hear the lock on the door and it opens to reveal Wriothesley. He has a lunch tray in his hands, he walks in and put the tray on the desk in your cell, a pleasant and welcomed surprise compared to the guards just throwing your food on the floor and making it spill onto the floor

Wriothesley looks around to see the baroness of your room. “I came in to see how you’re holding up.” Wriothesley sees your tear stained face and had to fight the urge to go over to you and to hug you, take you somewhere that isn’t this hellhole. He doesn’t know why but he composed himself before continuing on. “Since you aren’t allow out of your cell like the other inmates, can I offer you some form of entertainment? Within reason of course.”

You took a while to think of what you want to say before deciding on something that might help you

“I want a book.”

In the depths of Teyvat, there a sky of deep blues and purples is looked at by a certain harbinger. A sense of nostalgia fills his chest, but before he can get too wrapped up in his old memories he turned towards the twins, mainly Aether who is trying and failing at composing himself

“What do you mean, their Grace is in the Fortress of Meropide?!” Yelled the prince

“That is what our intel suggests, your highness.” Spoke an abyss mage

“If their in the fortress of Meropide, then why can’t we sneak in and take them out of there?” Paimon asked

“It isn’t that simple, all of Teyvat knows that we’re on their Grace’s side and will do everything in their power to stop us. They might even try to kill us if they see us approaching the prison.” Lumine explains

“Maybe we can get one of the lectors to disguise themselves and enter the prison?” Aether wondered aloud

“I don’t think that’s necessary.” Childe spoke

The twins and Paimon turned towards the ginger, Aether stormed other and grabbed him by the collar

“What the hell do you mean, harbinger?!” Aether hissed out. “Their Grace is in a maximum security prison and their execution is quickly approaching, time is of the essence!”

“We both know that the Fatui wants their grace safe and sound, so don’t think I’m not as concerned as you!” Childe grabbed onto the blond’s wrists

“You two, stop it! We’re all worried about their Grace!” Lumine shouted as she got in between the two men

“I know that the news has already reached Snezhnaya, and knowing a certain associate of mine, she’s already has a plan to get their Grace out.”

In the overworld of Fontaine, rounds of applause are held in a theater

Even some roses are thrown on the stage where a young magician and his assistant are standing. The two look nearly identical except for his sister who had cat ears and a tail

“Thank you, you all have been wonderful tonight!” Spoke the magician before walking off stage and returning backstage

There a blonde boy was waiting for them with a phone in his hands

“Lyney. You have a call, it’s Father.”

Going up to the young man, Lyney takes the phone and puts it against his ear

“Hello Lyney.”

“Hello Father.”

“I have a special assignment for you and Lynette.”

Taglist:

@chuuya-brainrot @creation-magician @tartarsaucechi1de @vvyeislazzy @aludicpoet @undecidingfate @annoying-mary @randomnatics @bore2808 @esthelily @yurivision @angelamelamela @chocolatekuns @mmmhyperfixation @legendaryexperthideout @lapinaenmicoche @sinsdumbdrabble @ghost-mint @rebeccawinters @imyme20 @nymphsdomain @sun7lowxr @blackcoffex @itz-luna @flowerpesky @land-of-eternity @deathcvltcivilofficial @d4y-dr3amer @yuriclouds @artwitch @mercy-not-merci @xyaxyn @starxvs @dreamoffireflies06 @desirabletravel @bidisasterforever @dxprived4-starboys @angstylittleb1tch @lhaol

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musashi · 3 days ago

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Hiiii, so this is a call for some help with a video I have in the works right now.

I am looking for a Latinx volunteer to... I guess sensitivity read and/or help me fine-tune a very specific part of a youtube video script. Preferably someone in the Ace Attorney fandom, but you do not need to be by any means--if there are any plot details you need me to explain to you to make my points clearer, my autistic ass will jump at the opportunity.

It's a misconception debunking video with a little 'character assassination' bit at the end where I plan on talking about unfortunate boxes, flanderizations, and stereotypes that some of the characters in my favourite visual novel often get lumped into. One of these characters is Diego Armando, a Latino (dark skinned Japanese in the original) man who is constantly held to higher scrutiny by the fandom than his lightskinned peers. He is frequently demonized, painted as a misogynistic scumbag, held in much worse faith than other culprits for his very understandable and sympathetic wrongdoing, and overall just treated incredibly harsh for things that other comparable characters get away with on account of them 'looking' white and having more anglicized names.

Since I am white myself I do not plan on speaking excessively about the experience when it is not my own but I think it is a huge fucking disservice to not focus on the fact that this fandom treatment all just stems from racism. It's the one part of my video where I don't plan on even entertaining "the other side" or explaining where the misinterpretation "comes from" I want to just. Make the point. That it's racism, with no rhyme or reason.

But I obviously don't feel qualified to just do that on my own so this is just me putting out feelers to ask if anyone would like to read over this part of my script for me, offer concrit (scalding concrit if you must, please, I want it to be as tight as possible) and basically just make sure my own white privilege doesn't gloss over, misrepresent, or miss anything. Basically just asking for help not fucking it up.

Again you do not have to be into AA to help me with this, I can tell you all about the character and what he does and doesn't do, his place in the story, and the things I hear about him in fandom and how they don't hold up on other comparable characters. Just know I will have to spoil the whole final game for you if you ever plan on getting into it haha. And, once again, please only volunteer if you are Latinx yourself.

I will, of course, give you full credit and thanks in my video and in the description, and link my viewers to any and all platforms if you'd like. Since I make no money off youtube and am horrendously broke myself, if you have any donation links posted anywhere I will boost the hell out of those too. That's about all I can offer for compensation OTL

Please contact me via ask if this is something you're interested in. You can also reply on this post and I can open DMs for you or get in touch with you via email or discord. I really, really, really want to include this in the video but I want to do it right.

Even if you're not someone who qualifies, if you are an AA blog or have lots of AA blogs following you, I'd appreciate a reblog to boost this! Thank you :3

#wordy wendy #pwaa #ace attorney #diego armando #prosecutor godot #aa godot #ace attorney godot #if you want to know what kind of stuff i make: i'm wendy rocket on youtube #not a lot there but character and fandom analysis is my passion

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hestzhyen · 1 day ago

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Analysis: Hakuri & Abusive Backstories

Hello dear void. Hakuri is a character that is near and dear to my heart so I wanted to yap about him and why his story is so important to me on a deeply personal level.

This is a LONG yapfest- the Tumblr Edit Post UI is hitching and lagging while I try to type this little notice there's so much word vomit in here. I honestly don't expect anyone to read it all the way through. I just wrote this to figure out why I was so goddamn attached to a fictional character and decided to jettison it into the ambivalent embrace of the internet. I spent too many hours on this to just delete it all once I found my answers, so... if you wanna strap in, go ahead. But maybe make sure you've got a decent chunk of free time and high tolerance for extremely subjective interpretations first.

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DISCLAIMER: This is purely my opinion- I can't speak for anyone's experience but my own.

First, this isn't a trauma dump. Not for me at least. I'll be talking about what Hakuri endured and how it shaped his character in relatable ways thanks to the quality of the writing. But there won't be anything discussed outside of what happens in Kagurabachi canon, so rest assured on that front.

Second, please don't assume I had a terrible life because I latched on to a character that was literally tortured for years! Even though the major themes resonated with me and many of my thoughts were eerily similar to Hakuri's, nothing I experienced rose to such an extreme level. Like, I genuinely deserved the one time I was hit for being a shitty over-dramatic teenager so it doesn't even come close lmao. Fictional characters don't have to be 1:1 mirrors in terms of type or severity of trauma to be helpful self-reflection tools is all.

Third, I started writing this around chapter 53 and it's being posted as of chapter 58. If it ages poorly, well, I'm not saying I'm smart just because I yap a lot.

Without further ado... prepare for an expansion of massive proportions under the cut.

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All too often we see shounen characters have an abusive sob story background to give them a sympathetic hook and a reason to start from zero. There's little to say about them other than they go from zero to hero for the good vibes and catharsis. They begin their story as a victim first and foremost, and there are little or no lingering effects from trauma once they have their moment of triumph. In the "good" cases they're healed and whole. In the "bad" cases they have negatively warped personalities for the rest of the story. There's not much in between the two extremes.

Portraying the abuse characters endure in such a shallow way is not the best way to write about it, from my point of view. Writing it as something that can be overcome with strength of will alone is harmful. So is writing the victim as a permanently damaged, defective person. Instead, we need more characters like Hakuri that are shaped but not wholly defined by their abuse, and aren't completely healed by putting the manifestation of their torment in the dirt.

Hakuri is the first character the [abusive past] attribute that actually worked as a hook for me. This is largely due to two key writing decisions: not centering Hakuri's entire narrative around overcoming the abuse he suffered, and carefully depicting how trauma influences his actions. It's necessary to read between the lines of what he says and does to see how much he hasn't said about himself- what he won't admit or recognize, despite how core it is to his character.

Chapters 19-23, Meeting and Getting to Know Sazanami Hakuri

Mantis imagery for courage!

The very first things we learn about Hakuri are as follows:

1) He pushes through hardship with sheer force of will 2) He lost his whole family and has probably been on his own for a while 3) #1 is a lie

I've brought it up before, but food symbolism is all over the place in Kagurabachi- it's often a short-hand for comfort and connection. So Hakuri spilling that metaphor out of his mouth right after telling us he's able to "push through" is a sign that he actually isn't coping with his situation that well. His thoughts about himself and his actual status don't match up. But it's ridiculous imagery that puts us off and pushes us towards thinking he's kind of pathetic rather than making us feel sorry for him. And the rest of his introduction, while accurate to his character, buries the lede on how much he's suffering.

As for his backstory: he was disowned, yes. He says his family will kill him if they see him, yes. But it reads more like Hakuri was punished for being a moral black sheep after he himself framed being disowned as punishment for "being weak" and "getting in the way of business". There's no hint of foul play on his family's part other than being low-life criminals to be fought as the arc villains. So he's primed for some sadness but probably nothing on Char's level. The only hints we have towards something serious until the chapter 24 reveal are not exactly obvious:

-He has a fatalistic mindset and thinks it's natural for him to be overpowered and kicked around because he's weak. (Could just be typical zero-to-hero shounen character things.)

-He's generally unafraid and highly tolerant of pain. He gives no shits about his condition after being kicked around by the Yakuza, smears the blood from his nose while casually talking to Chihiro, and willingly takes a strong hit and is able to yell encouragement to Chihiro while lying bloody on the floor. (Doesn't really stand out in a series as violent as Kagurabachi; this is kind of the bare minimum for being involved in the plot if you aren't a child to be protected.)

-Perhaps the only big tell-tale sign: we zoom in on his trembling fist when describing his older siblings as "strong and scary" in chapter 23. (Could be inferred as fearing for his life since he also says they'd kill him on sight in the same chapter.)

Hakuri's not written like a typical abuse victim in this intro. We don't get commentary from other characters about how much pain Hakuri seems to be in- they comment on how weak and dopey he appears instead. Nor do we get shots of him looking sad, flinching away from touch, or being hesitant to connect with other people. He's actually kind of unhinged with how passionate and eager he is to join forces with Chihiro. He's intense and ridiculous and gets used like a wholesome gag character more than anything else.

So there's not much to suspect here. Hakuri's got more to reveal to us but there are no signs of what we should brace ourselves for. Then the nightmare starts.

Chs. 24-26, The First Glimpse

This page goes from 0 to 100 REAL quick.

Well, shit.

Behold the understated reveal of Hakuri's status as a victim of abuse. The revelation at the bottom of the page only to see his suicide attempt on the page turn is an extremely effective "oh shit- OH SHIT-" two-hit combo that arrests the reader's attention, and I really wish that it was the most memorable part of the chapter for more people. Because holy hell, this recontextualizes everything we know about Hakuri. He's still a passionate, silly, and slightly insane guy, but damn he actually suffered more than he let on.

To find out like this is unusual, isn't it? Char's situation wasn't shown right away either, but meeting her as a scruffy orphan clued us in that she was going to have a tough past from the start. Hakuri, by comparison, gave us very few obvious hints about it. It's like he doesn't want to be seen that way. He openly admits to being "weak" and "useless" but his own pain? The suffering he endured? He's totally fine pushing past it all (lies).

But we're not even close to done yet.

Note how Hakuri's focused on Soya's hands...

Hakuri's first instinct being to jump to his death says a lot. Unlike standing up for the little girl or jumping in to save Chihiro, this is a purely reactionary response. There's no room to think back to Chihiro's bravery for inspiration as those memories overwhelm him. He's terrified. So he jumps and trembles in fear as Soya tries to talk him into coming back to relive his nightmares.

We laughed at the soda spilling out of his mouth and his expressions after he got hit in the face by Hiyuki, but this is deadly serious. Hakuri isn't okay at all. He's actually in very bad condition and the way he thinks about Soya says so much.

The panel explaining Soya's expression of "love" on the page above is important, but it's not emphasized in the same way as what's happening in the present. It feels like an unpleasant detour into Hakuri's inner thoughts for extra context while the main focus is on him and Soya in the moment. Hakuri doesn't even describe what happened to him directly- he says "punching and kicking" like it could be anything from hazing to broken bones, but the backdrop lets us know that it's probably closer to the latter. It gives the impression that Hakuri (understandably) doesn't want to think about this at all.

He also frames Soya's aggression towards him as an expression of "sincere" affection. That's preposterous and heart-breaking to most people- violence isn't love. Even most victims will acknowledge that... to a point. Violence hurts, it's unwanted, but it's still a valid expression of emotion to be acknowledged. It's something they earn or deserve. The rational people are correctly screaming NO IT'S NOT! And most victims would agree again... to a point. Somehow they're the exception to that mindset. Other people don't deserve it, but they do.

So despite it all, Hakuri is still able to be brave for Hinao's sake. He's not going to let Soya hurt anyone else if he can help it, even if it means putting himself back in harm's way. This adds an interesting layer to his character. He's laden with trauma, but he's still able to show courage for others. He thinks he's weak and won't prevent whatever abuse comes his way, but he will put himself at risk to stop others from experiencing the same or worse.

Why is he so devoted to protecting other people at his own expense? Sadly, it's not uncommon for victims to advocate harder for other people than they do for themselves. It also has something to do with the merchandise woman that was mentioned this chapter, but that reasoning won't be revealed for a while yet.

"This pathetic wretch was born a Sazanami, but he can't even do sorcery. He's useless. Worse, he's a hindrance. His life is worthless."

There's another thrill of panic when Kyora summons Hakuri to use his life as a bargaining chip. Hakuri's at his most pathetic here- he's on the ground, helpless under Kyora's foot, not even trying to resist or escape. None of the fire we saw when he saved the little girl, took that hit for Chihiro, or defended Hinao is present. Hakuri can't be brave for himself. He's quite literally trampled by what passes for the Sazanami version of "love" and "basic human decency". It doesn't need to be spelled out any clearer than this: Hakuri's woes come from his family, especially his father. The Sazanamis are fucked up even when it comes to how they treat their own flesh and blood. They're rotten from the head down.

It's obvious then why Chihiro's words and actions affect Hakuri so much. Hakuri thinks he has no value whatsoever- his father says as much, and he falls for Shiba's bluff implying the same. Only Chihiro steps in to directly repudiate Kyora's toxicity and say yes, Hakuri does have value. So much, in fact, that he's willing to trade the precious memento of his father (and the majority of his strength) to prove it. So they're able to leave, but not without Hakuri encumbering himself with a huge amount of guilt for how things went down.

The face of someone ready to spiral down and out.

It's telling that reassurances don't do much to help Hakuri feel better. Shiba tries to help by offering generic comfort (ice cream) and Chihiro tells him it's alright, but it's not until Hakuri hears that he's still needed that he's able to bring himself out of the mire of self-hate.

Of course it's extra effective for Hakuri because he was considered totally useless, but this is very relatable even for folks who weren't told they had no value on a daily basis. Offers of comfort only make the self-hate worse for some people who think they're utterly worthless. Even simple gestures like Shiba's twist the knife and reinforce the idea that the person doesn't deserve any kindness whatsoever. It just piles on the guilt. But being given something to do -especially if it's believably framed as something only they're capable of doing- feels incredible. They might have some value after all, even if only for this one thing.

It's something that I really appreciate the author doing since it's a touch that didn't need to be added. Hakuri could have just found a bit of solace in Shiba and Chihiro's words, which would have given more time for other things to be addressed in the chapter. But it's important to show that Hakuri struggles with accepting kindness because he took his father's words to heart. His feelings of worthlessness and uselessness are essential to who he is.

After this we see him at Chihiro's beck and call, prioritizing his requests over everything- relaxing with Char and Hinao, even his own comfort with another ice cream/food metaphor. It's framed as something silly and dog-like for the laughs, which once again encourages us to downplay the severity of this issue for him. None of the other characters ever directly point this out either. It's one of those informed traits that influences Hakuri's actions without any acknowledgment from himself or others, but just like the soda spilling out of his mouth, we're invited to treat it as a gag.

From here, the focus shifts entirely to building tension for the raid on the Rakuzaichi. Hakuri's circumstances are put on the back-burner to simmer for 5 weeks in real time until he confronts Soya in chapter 30.

Chs. 30 & 32-34, The Soya Rematch (what Chihiro and Shiba know):

Hakuri puts his fear of Soya aside to bait him out to help the mission. Chihiro and Shiba gave him a job to do, so he'll see it through no matter what. Unfortunately things don't go as planned and he ends up all alone with his biggest tormentor.

I'll have more to say about Soya himself in his own section with Kyora later, but it's very clear what his role as Chief Bully is, narratively speaking:

In a lot of ways, Soya is more object than actual character. He's our almost cartoonishly evil device to represent everything that's been repressing Hakuri. He's the demon in his head telling him he's useless, pathetic, weak, and so on. So Hakuri trying to square up to Soya is also him facing off against the things he's internalized that hold him back.

Hakuri's struggle against Soya before he awakens seems very hopeful and standard shounen. He's fighting the internal battle at the same time as the external, telling his brother to "shut up" while his mind races to figure out what he should do now that the situation went belly-up. He could keep playing the victim and take Shiba up on his offer to help since he can't reach Chihiro, or he could play dead and wait for it all to be over... or he could try believing in himself. Because Chihiro saw something in him and even if he can't bring himself to think he's strong and capable, he can at least have faith in Chihiro's words that they would end the Rakuzaichi together.

This time it works and he's able to shove Soya close enough to the tree wall so that Chihiro can give us a great visual metaphor to show us what just happened to Hakuri:

Chihiro is the one who broke Hakuri's mental barrier for him. He couldn't do it himself, but someone he admired believing in him in return made all the difference. Hakuri just needed a little support to start coming into his own.

He stays behind to handle the rest of the fight on his own while Chihiro goes ahead to meet up with Shiba- he can do this himself now that he's awakened thanks to their help. Very wholesome, extremely shounen. But there are deliberate writing choices which make it obvious that there's more going on beyond the surface that winning this fight won't fix or even fully address.

In Chapter 32, Hakuri tells Chihiro and Shiba a slightly condensed version of his experience as an uncomfortable reminder for the reader. Oh, right, Hakuri was abused- at least that explains why he survived a Flame Bone punch to the face. Anyway, let's move on to ditching John Hishaku and kicking Soya's ass.

The framing is so interesting to me. Chapter 32 uses preexisting panels that are cropped and presented slightly differently compared to how they originally appeared: Ch. 24

Ch. 32

Full page for reference.

When Hakuri recounts a version of the abuse flashbacks, they're not merely downsized to fit. They're cropped to downplay the gang-ups and are smaller in size compared to the rest of his story, almost as if he doesn't think it's that big of a deal compared to being unable to keep up with his siblings. We don't even see his own words describing what happened despite him talking freely about everything else. Instead, the abuse sequence is treated like the panel where he describes Soya's "love"- Hakuri talking to Chihiro and Shiba about his suffering is an unpleasant aside to give context rather than the main event.

Seriously. The dialogue of him explaining why his family gave up on him over the reused backdrop of the Sazanami estate is given more time than him being hit and kicked. Chihiro and Shiba get the "it wasn't so bad" version of events compared to what Hakuri remembers experiencing, and we're invited to treat what's normally the foundation of a character's entire existence as a convenient explanation for why he's so goddamn sturdy.

Neither of them noticeably react to his story too. We got a bit from Shiba in the car in Chapter 26 when he realized Hakuri was probably stewing in self-hatred, but we've never seen any of Chihiro's thoughts or reactions since he was disgusted by Kyora using Hakuri as a bargaining chip. He does reassure Hakuri that they'll be there to help him, but isn't it strange we don't see Chihiro's reaction to this information at all? We see little panels of his concerned faces all the time for less than what Hakuri talked about here:

Chihiro cares a hell of a lot, and he's very attentive to boot.

Obviously we don't see Chihiro and Shiba's reactions because they aren't important. This isn't about Hakuri's abuse- we already knew about it. The focus is on Hakuri's awakening and his faith in Chihiro, not the past.

This is a victim's mindset manifesting as clever visual storytelling, in my opinion. Of course it's not that bad when he has to talk about it; he invited it by being weak and not living up to standards. It wasn't a big deal though. There's more important stuff to do right now anyway. And the story moves on as if to agree with him- we go right back to our regularly scheduled action scenes interspersed with some flashbacks to contextualize other characters, namely Tenri and the Sazanamis before Hakuri was rejected.

That's right, Hakuri once again dodges abusive past cliches by being doted on and cared for before he was found lacking. He knew what it was to be loved, even if the Sazanami version is manipulative to the point of being abusive all by itself. There's more to say about this under Kyora's section but no wonder Hakuri's so fixated on being useful- he wants that affection and sense of belonging back more than anything. It's fucked up, but it's all he knows. So Hakuri was abused twice over: emotionally and physically. Damn. He turned out pretty alright despite it all, huh? Wonder how that happened...

Well, it's time to move on now so he can ascend and overcome it all. He's gotta yell "Isou!" and prove himself, and the next two chapters seem to be putting him on course to do just that, albeit with some difficulty. Can't make a character's awakening too easy or it won't feel earned. He's got some serious trauma to overcome thanks to his family's bullshit.

Then chapter 35 hits and we get the nightmare fuel.

Ch. 35, The Real Backstory (what Ice Lady knew):

Chapter 35 is that long-awaited full-chapter delve into Hakuri's painful past with the mysterious woman, and boy does it have some unsettling revelations.

Ice Lady's tragedy is framed as the important driving force for Hakuri as we know him- she broke him free from his family's grip and motivated him to seek help to end their evil ways. She's the entire reason we meet him in Chapter 19. Everything Hakuri is doing this arc ties back to how badly he fucked up with her, setting the stage for him to become the savior he tried to be when we met him. Oh yeah, we got more Hakuri abuse lore. Can you believe that WSJ let the author get away with showing someone slitting their throat in front of a kid?! And make it at least partially his fault? Jesus Christ. Now it's truly time for him to come into his own, though- oh man that cliffhanger at the end of the chapter...! Wait, what do you mean there was more to his suffering besides the situation with Ice Lady?

I was being a bit facetious there but the point stands. We didn't get a tear-jerker reveal chapter dedicated solely to Hakuri's pain and suffering at long last just to make us feel bad for him and nothing else. Instead, we got a full-blown tragedy caused by the Sazanami cycle of abuse. The nightmare of Ice Lady killing herself in front of Hakuri overshadowed the reveal that damn, Hakuri actually had it super rough. Because yeah, that was unexpectedly brutal even compared to Chihiro being baited with Char's severed leg last arc. It really drove home just how fucked up the situation with the Sazanami family was and how it affected everyone that got tangled up in their bullshit.

So the presentation of what he endured is once again subdued even though the panels showcasing the tools took up half the page. Soya breaking Hakuri's finger was called "bullying" (いじめ[ijime], not 虐待 [gyakutai, abuse]). A single flash back frame off to the side seems small compared to the emphasis on Hakuri telling Ice Lady (and us) that it's "not that bad" because Soya keeps losing the tools and going back to using his fists (the terror in Hakuri's expression in that panel is completely at odds with how calm is explanation is, though). It's also not unreasonable to presume that the jump rope, peeler, and wrench were shown for the audience's benefit to clue us in that Hakuri's holding back again, much like the panel describing Soya's "love" in chapter 24. He's always saying the bare minimum and trying not to think of the rest- he buries that shit deep.

But he has to if he wants to keep going. There's no way he can sit down and process all of this right now:

Hakuri: "It's normal for my brother to break my bones and worse before he loses the tools. He usually only hits me anyway, so it's not like this happens all the time."

Woman betrayed by the man she loved to be sold at an auction as merchandise to the boy overseeing her captivity: "That's messed up!"

"This is as close as I can get to being cherished by the people who are supposed to care for and support me."

He even misses the point when he finally does open up:

"You're the one who's trapped in a cage."

This part is the hardest for me to write about, honestly. Again: I was never tortured or anything, much less hit. But this chapter is the one that made me take a good, hard look at what I went through and connect some dots. Hakuri's mindset, the things he says, the way he phrases things- that's someone who doesn't want to acknowledge that they're in a bad situation that's not their fault.

Hakuri will talk about his own worthlessness and all his defects that "invite" the abuse, but he won't acknowledge that he doesn't deserve what's happening to him at all. He's not the kind of shounen character who understands that his situation sucks and uses it as fuel to become better. Instead, he's stuck in that oh-so-relatable spiral of self-deprecating negativity that keeps victims trapped.

It's easier for Hakuri to think he deserved it for his own failings. This wouldn't be happening if he hadn't earned it somehow. He's in this situation because he's weak and any "love" is better than none at all. Then it's reinforced by the genuine helplessness and vulnerability of being too isolated to escape or know better, compacting down into dense layers of denial and self-hate that act as defensive armour against emotions that are too difficult to face. Like anger or the desire for something better. Like hope. Those are only felt on behalf of others, not himself.

At any rate, it's a bit distressing that so many people forget that Hakuri's actually a hell of a lot more complex than he was hinted to be before this chapter. He's not an innocent in all this like Char was, which is incredibly smart and realistic writing from the author. Hakuri was also an abuser himself. An accidental one, but doesn't matter when you talk to someone the way he did to Ice Lady. He didn't swing the knife but he did kill her with the same mentality that was crushing him down on the inside.

He doesn't use his suffering as an excuse for anything he does, good or bad. Not even in the sense of wanting to save others- that's all about Ice Lady and his family's terrible legacy. What happened to him isn't worth mentioning or acting on. Yet another distressingly accurate facet of a victim's mentality, unfortunately.

But this must be it. This chapter was a depressing surprise but surely there's nothing left to reveal. We had his big moment of sadness so it's only going up from here. Hakuri's going to overcome everything and it'll all be okay! Back to standard shounen powerups!

Chs. 36-43, Putting the Past to Rest (things only Hakuri knows):

Oh.

In chapter 36, the storehouse reveal somewhat overshadows all the instruments of abuse Hakuri unwittingly stored inside it. There are a lot of people who completely forgot about the objects in there during the hype of the moment, and I never get tired of seeing "WTF?!" posts and comments from folks doing re-reads of the arc. It's so easy to overlook the rope and sticks and all the other tools when you're cheering hard for Hakuri to finally, finally overcome his tragic past by putting Soya down. Worst Big Bro is gonna pay and Hakuri's ascension will be complete! ... Wait, was that a goddamn chair?

There's also a point made of Soya's defeat not being a resounding victory.

Still framing Soya's abuse as love, but it's got a bitter feel to it this time.

Hakuri is the one who gives Chihiro strength in the moment despite everything he's just been through.

We're cheering when he awakens and pressurizes Soya's guts, but then these panels remind us that there's nothing to celebrate from Hakuri's perspective. He doesn't savor finally overcoming Soya as his abuser or the manifestation of everything that's messed up about his family. There's no immediate sense that things will be okay from now on either. To Hakuri, this isn't a personal victory. It's just something that needed to be done for Ice Lady and all the victims of the Rakuzaichi.

This is a sort of capstone to Hakuri's backstory. The second-to-last new thing we learn about him is that the abuse was still somehow worse than we thought. He really, truly buries the lede when it comes to what he suffered and the writing is in cahoots with him on it. He won't even take the time to smile or feel a little relief- he's not ready for that yet. Instead he just walks past Tenri's mutilated corpse to pull Chihiro along to get the job done.

If this was a different series we might get a little more catharsis- even just the barest hint that Hakuri's gonna be just fine from now on. But this is Kagurabachi and the author fucking gets it so there's still a little more to unpack before Hakuri can have an opportunity to begin the healing process.

In chapter 37, the pain of Kyora looking away was framed as just as important to Hakuri as the fond memories of when he was loved and wanted:

"... I still wanted you to praise me, Father."

The very last thing we learn about Hakuri is that he wanted his father's love despite it all.

Hakuri ended the torment from Soya- he'll never have to worry about his skin being peeled off or getting beaten with a pipe ever again. But the cycle that caused it- and the complex feelings for the people who hurt him- aren't so easily dealt with. It's not so simple as being hurt and flipping a switch to stop feeling affection for the perpetrator. So Hakuri acknowledges that he still wanted his father's praise in spite of the years of torment the man knowingly enabled.

In the end, Kyora grants Hakuri's secret wish and acknowledges him at the very last as the chaos fades away so that they're the only thing in each other's view. He really, truly won it all. He doesn't rejoice in victory, though. Once more there's no triumph for Hakuri to celebrate. Killing his father was just another thing that had to be done so that there would never be another Ice Lady.

It's hard to say what exactly Hakuri's feeling about Kyora's death since it's yet another thing we haven't seen him talk about- and may never. It's not too much of a stretch to think he's got a complex mix of sadness, relief, and guilt going on, though. At least the moment when their eyes met was intensely cathartic after all the times Kyora deliberately looked away. But Hakuri's still not okay yet.

It's not like life suddenly gets better when the abuser is gone for good in some cases. Hakuri's still struggling in the immediate aftermath of seeing his father die at last. It's a relief that there won't be any more pain caused by the Sazanami clan -and Kyora in particular- but it still fucking hurts to lose someone so important to you. It's also frightening to suddenly be thrust into the unknown without a guide of any kind.

Fortunately for him, Hakuri is able to find new purpose with Chihiro. He gets to walk away from his family and stay with the people who believed in him. This is another thing that I can't praise the author enough for. It's far, far too common for writers to frame victims reforming their abusers as some kind of ultimate victory.

No, no, no!

The most charitable way to explain this is that the survivor is so saintly that they'll even reach out to the ones who hurt them to help them become better people. But that is such utter bullshit I don't even have the words to express myself properly. It's terrible messaging for survivors. They don't have any obligation whatsoever to help the people who hurt them. They don't even have to keep tabs on how the abusers are doing in a general sense. They get to fucking leave and find happiness with people who treat them well. That is the true ideal.

Hakuri being given a clear out to leave is where the rest of the catharsis in his story comes from. He doesn't have to stay and fix things even though he absolutely could as the first person since the clan's founder to have both Isou and the storehouse powers. Kyoura and Soya are gone- he could have stepped in to make the clan right their wrongs and atone as a family. But there's not even a hint of guilt tripping from the author about Hakuri's decision to follow Chihiro. It's framed as the best possible thing for him to do, in fact.

If he stayed, he'd never work on the other issues around self-worth that he's burying so deep inside. Switching from villainy to good deeds won't resolve the issues with the clan's mindset about being living tools for a greater cause either. Not to mention the fact that there's nothing his siblings can offer him even if they treat him like a king for the rest of his life- the damage was already done long ago. There's nothing left for him there except more misery and stagnation. He needs to go with Chihiro, his new north star, to learn how to heal.

But lest this outcome be too heartwarming, Hakuri's still not directly facing everything that he went through. Hakuri phrases working alongside Chihiro as "proving the value that [Chihiro] saw in him", not "starting over" or "making the world a better place together" or even "paying Chihiro back" by helping him on his mission. He's still trying to be useful in the service of someone else like a tool.

Hakuri's bruises are already fading; or at least they were until I had to edit this part in light of the events of chapter 56 onward. But the mental scars of the abuse are still guiding his actions and thought processes even if he doesn't acknowledge it. And that's where we come back to the torture implements still hidden in his warehouse.

Hakuri's not home free despite us collectively sighing in relief that he got his Happily Ever After, subdued as it was. He needs to face what he's been avoiding and burying so that he's not endangering Chihiro's plan and the people around him by throwing himself in danger just to be even the slightest bit useful.

Oftentimes, trauma is an invisible scar that needs to be worked around for the rest of someone's life- hence why he's still got those physical manifestations stored deep inside where only he can see and grant access. Hakuri's only just started out on the path to redemption and recovery. He needs to start addressing the guilt over Ice Lady and learn some tough lessons about self-worth before he can even begin to look further inside to those Visual Metaphor Tools.

After that, if the author's interested in continuing this part of Hakuri's character, is exposing them and what they mean to someone who can help Hakuri get rid of them. Whether that's Chihiro, Shiba, or someone else doesn't really matter. Hakuri's got a long road ahead dealing with the lingering after-effects, unlike so many of his fictional fellow survivors. He's still very much in need of a lot of support from his new found family- now more so than ever after what happened in chapter 58.

Soya and Kyora

There's something to be said about the writing for the primary abusers, too. The Rakuzaichi arc was well-received in large part to Kyora being an incredible villain and Soya being... Soya.

Soya

And the "Worst Big Brother" Award goes to...

Soya serves two primary purposes in the narrative: to contrast Hakuri's character, and be the manifestation of everything that was wrong with the clan.

Soya and Hakuri share similar looks, hand gestures, and extreme expressions but they couldn't be more different. Soya has the inverse of Hakuri's character framing: he's shown to be competent and strong, and almost everyone in-universe acknowledges him as such-we're even told he's smarter than Kyora. But he's actually quite the pathetic loser due to his freakish obsession with his "weak" little brother.

More obviously, Soya is the rotten core of the family. He's obsessive over Hakuri to an extremely alarming degree- he even refuses his duties as the next clan head and a member of the elite Tou to find and stay with Hakuri. Kyoura tells him to "stop fixating on that failure" but Soya's having none of it, he just can't let go of his "endearing" weakling of a little brother. Bullying Hakuri is what he lives for and he does it all in the name of purest love. Just like the clan lives for the Rakuzaichi and are devoted to it mind, body, and soul. They're both extremely toxic and Soya's the guy who gets to represent the deleterious effects of cleaving to abusive mentalities on individual members.

Soya's fists and words to Hakuri are the blatant messaging about what the Sazanami mindset did to him. He had that mental block preventing him from using his sorcery because he was constantly being told he was weak and useless. It was literally beaten into him as a form of love, but not all abusive mentalities need to be reinforced with violence. Soya was just there to make the point too obvious to be missed.

Hakuri's final words to Soya say it all. Soya throws a tantrum over Hakuri refusing to lay down and take the abuse any more and screams "Why won't you go down?! Why won't you die?!" Hakuri simply responds that it's because Soya "always loved [him]" and deals the final blow. He was able to recognize the strengths his family gave him through Soya's "love" but he's not grateful in the slightest (and he shouldn't be). He's simply ready to sever all ties and move on with tearing it all down now. Hakuri was finally able to accept that he didn't want or need that kind of love in his life any more.

Kyora

And the "Worst Dad" Award goes to...

Obviously, Kyoura is the key to this whole mess. He's the one who instilled his children with corrupt values, enabled Hakuri's abuse, and generally Fucked Up Big Time when it came to loving his kids properly. But he thought he was doing the right thing because what's what he went through. He was both abuser and victim himself, just like Hakuri.

This is the key part of abusive backstories that are so often missed. Abuse doesn't always come from deadbeat caretakers that hate the innocent little kid. That scenario is actually way too over represented in fiction, honestly. Abuse isn't always constant malice- it can start later in life. It can even be born from love. Ultimately, it's all too often the unintended consequence of a family haunted by the specter of the cycle. And Kyora is the perfect summary of how and why it echoes through generations.

Hakuri was loved and wanted for at least half of his life. His family might not be wholesome or have healthy attitudes about affection, but he wasn't born hated and mistreated just for existing. He was cared for to the best of his dad's ability just like Tenri and his other siblings.

Even when Hakuri failed to live up to expectations, Kyora didn't just write him off and turn him loose. He kept Hakuri around for years feeding and clothing him and let him try to do what he could. Kyora simply couldn't justify protecting him or showing love since the family ideals were so warped around being able to serve the clan's tradition. He wasn't "allowed" to love a failure, no matter how much he wanted to.

Kyoura struggled about his feelings for his "worthless son" in the flashback we saw through Tenri's PoV- he wanted Hakuri to succeed. He acted like Hakuri forced his hand to punish and marginalize him for failing too hard, not out of ill-will. And during the raid itself he was actually "bent out of shape because he used Hakuri's life as a bargaining chip", according to Enji. It wasn't even until Hakuri showed up to break into the storehouse that Kyora truly cast everything away to prioritize the Rakuzaichi. He really did love Hakuri in his own way.

Kyora was a shitty dad and person, don't get me wrong. No one should put family tradition over their child's well-being and he more than earned his death just by being a human trafficker. But it's clear that Kyora wasn't written to be a shallow, irredeemable monster of a person- he didn't exist in the story just to be a villain and to make us feel bad for Hakuri. He's a tragic character in his own right.

He couldn't even understand why his wife's final words about the auction ruining their lives was replaying in his head near his final moments. The what-if scenario of his happy family sitting down to eat dinner in an apartment somewhere showed his longing for something that he could have had, if not for the goddamn auction. If not for the abuse that made him into the person he chose to be until the very end.

It's why Hakuri getting to walk away is such a poignant end to the Rakuzaichi arc. He's the one who gets to break the cycle on his own terms, and that's the true end of the Sazanami dynasty. The auction hall doesn't collapse until he decides to stand tall and follow a new path. Whatever Hakuri's siblings do with the Sazanami legacy isn't his concern any more- he's free.

What About Char?

Char's story was also well told! It's the earliest evidence that the author actually gets it when it comes to depicting abuse victims. She's reticent despite her desperation, unable to open up even when Shiba and Chihiro tell her she needs to or they'll send her to an orphanage. Eventually Chihiro wins her trust through his altruism and she comes to believe in him. She and us are the only ones who know exactly what happened with her mom, but it's not important for the rest of the cast to be in on it. She's safe and happy now and that's enough.

Even though Char's arc ended close to that overly-simplistic "everything is k now" scenario that I hate, there's one key difference that sets it apart to let us know that no, she's not truly okay yet.

Char's still got some attachment issues, which makes perfect sense. She lost her mom in a traumatic way so of course she's happily surprised that Chihiro came back to her. Char's on the path to healing- she's able to thrive thanks to Team Goldfish's care- but her abusive past still shapes who she is in small ways like this.

I doubt we'll see more development of her beyond checking in now and then. She's too young to be consistently involved in the heavy themes of Kagurabachi's story, much less the fights. But it's good to know that the author includes little details like this so we don't assume Char's 100% fine now. He understands that trauma doesn't just vanish when the victim's safe in their Happily Ever After scenario. That's why he made sure we knew that she's going to be okay in the long-run.

Ch. 26, right after Chihiro trades Enten for Hakuri

But Hakuri's not there himself yet.

Food as a metaphor for comfort, security, and/or connection is constant in this series. It's very obvious symbolism to let the author convey a bit more context in the scene than dialogue alone can. So when Hakuri rejects food here, he's rejecting reassurance from Shiba. Meanwhile Char's already comfortable enough to accept it. Good for her, truly!

Hakuri's situation wasn't necessarily worse than hers, but it was a lot more complex. So even though he's safe now, he's not really able to pursue his happiness yet. All those tools he keeps locked up inside, the mindset of being one himself- they're still issues for him to work through. But there's hope for him too.

The author went out of his way to show us that Hakuri's also on the path to healing here. The last time Hakuri shared food with someone, he was forcing his abusive ideology on Ice Lady. She started finishing the meals and truly internalizing the hopelessness of her situation. He fucked up the food as comfort/connection metaphor bad with her.

Yet in Chapter 47, we see Hakuri sharing some snacks with Chihiro on the train. Sharing food isn't connected to the situation at hand or the information dump it's serving as backdrop for, so it's definitely a deliberate choice on the author's part to depict this instead of literally anything else. It was shown to let us know that Hakuri's on his way to his own Happily Ever After.

He's able to connect to Chihiro and not worry about the repercussions. This is a huge step for his character and speaks volumes about the level of trust between them; this is the first time Chihiro's willingly accepted food from someone else too. Hakuri's not only still reaching out to other people, he's still able to provide warmth to others despite it all.

What's Next?

I'm not going to pretend that I can predict what Hakuri's story will look like from here on out. He'll have a hard time for as long as he's slated to get development though- Kagurabachi takes the adage "suffering builds character" very seriously. We're only 58 chapters in as of finally posting this so it's best to strap in and expect a lot more pain.

That said, I feel like Hakuri's self-sacrificing mindset is going to be addressed first. As of chapter 55, he's set up to fail and cause problems by throwing himself into danger despite not being fully healed or rested. The root of this issue would likely be his atoning savior mindset. Hakuri needs to protect and save others very badly after what happened to Ice Lady. He also loathes the idea of others making sacrifices for his sake. So he's willing to throw his life away even when it would be better for his allies if he stayed out of the fighting.

There's also a good reason we met the Makizumi clan in the arc immediately after the Rakuzaichi fell- Hakuri needs to start dismantling the "tool" mindset that was drilled into him. He's only switched his fervor from serving the Rakuzaichi to serving/saving others. This is extremely toxic when combined with his guilt over Ice Lady and drives him to go to extremes to do good, to the point where he's ignoring everyone trying to get him to rest and heal for the sake of the mission if nothing else.

In essence, I believe we are going to finally address the lie of his introduction- that he can keep pushing through hardship with sheer force of will. Because that is not how overcoming trauma actually works.

After that, only the author and his editor know exactly where things will go. But I hope that no matter what happens, Hakuri's lingering trauma is exposed and dealt with. It's informing all of his actions, positive or negative, whether he wants to acknowledge it or not. I have faith that this author can tackle this subject compassionately and realistically- he's already done it twice with Char and the Rakuzaichi arc.

So that's that. If you read all this... thanks. Take care, and choose kindness for yourself for today.

#kagurabachi #sazanami hakuri #Being an abuse survivor isn't the crux of who a person is #But it leaves permanent invisible scars that they define themselves around- knowingly or not #Promise I'll never get this personal again #long post #Only partially fueled by annoyance over how many people don't seem to understand Hakuri's character #He didn't get so much thoughtful and intricate development to be written out or killed off either #This is just my extremely long Hot Take but dammit I'm so tired of people asking why he's still around or why he's pushing himself so hard #Don't get me started on the BS about him “needing” to be nerfed either #Or giving up his sorcery to wield an enchanted blade #Writing another essay in the tags is how we roll around these parts

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goreybaby · 1 day ago

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this is the fandom i was referring to in my previous post lmao. but yeah. this. literally this.

jimmy did awful things, but there's no reason for people to literally shun him from their vocabulary, etc. it's immature, it's stupid. you can hate a character, hate the things they did, but when artists are too scared to draw him, write his name or discuss him in any way that is not direct hate, then you suck lol. you're censoring this fandom and pretty much belittling mouthwashing's masterful intent along with its various messages.

the main villain in mouthwashing is pony express. they hired a woman who was not qualified to do her job to assess real people who exhibit symptoms of debilitating mental illness, all because they do not care enough about their staff to do things correctly and safely. they are neglectful to their workers.

throughout the game, the player is constantly bombarded with posters alluding to the repercussions the crew members will face if they go against some very trivial rules.

evidently, jimmy is suffering from some kind of severe mental illness. he has hallucinations, acts in brash, violent ways, and is very detached from all the other crew members. in his psych eval, he claims he has a sexual attraction to cartoon horses — a completely inappropriate and unusual claim, something no sane person would even entertain saying.

jimmy was not given the psychological help he needed to improve. the devs even stated that the ship purposely has little to no windows to enhance the claustrophobic feel — no doubt would this affect someone suffering from whatever illness it is he is forced to endure, where hallucinations are prevalent.

while, of course, what he did to anya was vile and deplorable, if pony express was able to tend to jimmy's mental distress and actually hire someone who knows what they're doing, there is a chance this might not have happened.

now onto curly: people who claim he is at fault for not telling anyone about jimmy, or that he did not act soon enough.

for one, the time between curly finding out about anya's assault and the crashing of the ship was 24 hours. 24 hours of hearing that one of your crewmates has just been violently assaulted by your best friend. it is jarring, he needs time to process, and anya is clearly not someone who can handle high-tension situations well. so, him approaching jimmy and demanding he take responsibility would not only cause her more distress, but may also entice her abuser to react violently towards her. and ultimately, it did: he tried to find the gun after finding out about the pregnancy, and when that was not doable, he decided to crash the ship instead.

curly had to handle this situation with care. he needed time. more time. but he didn't have enough.

on the poster "Polle says lend a hand!" the small print reads: HR complaints about poor team synergy may result in collective punishment.

had curly established an even bigger problem by confronting jimmy, everyone, including anya, would have suffered the consequences. he needed to think about the best way to go about this for everyone, and especially for her, but again, he had no time.

think... pony express, the ultimate villain of the game, would have been willing to punish the victim for coming out about her assault.

look at the bigger picture. stop looking at characters as one dimensional, or as their faults. the entire crew has so much depth, they aren't meant to be taken at face value.

and seriously!! you're allowed to admire characters for their writing and still hate their actions; you can still pity a character who did something immoral.

alright, friends, i might say something you don't like but i think it's important. not just to defend a character, but because i think this is literally making people's experience and relationship with this game worse.

give jimmy like two seconds to exist.

by hating jimmy so much you refuse to even say his name, and judge real, living people for liking him, you are cheapening your experience by boiling down the main character to the most ~yuckiest~ moments. and, by not making a seperate space for hating on him, you are drowning out the voices of people who actually have nuanced things to say about his character. you know, the skilled writers and artists that feed the fandom? limitation is what kills fandoms, you have to know that.

is jimmy a good person? no. is he a good captain/companion/worker? Absolutely Not! he crumbles like dust under any pressure and he immediately shifts blame off of himself, he is an actively harmful individual and it's right to be upset by his actions. i literally had to stop myself from saying "man FUCK jimmy." multiple times because i didn't want to spoil how terrible he got to my friends when i showed the game to them.

but you have to understand; people are more than their actions. thats part of the entire point of the game. thats why its so abstract. you are meant to think about the nuances of their situation.

we can agree that anya was way more as a woman than what happened to her and what she did as a result of it, right? that despite her best efforts, she was a victim of circumstance, and she deserves to be understood and analyzed fully?

then why, seeing a fictional man who has done immoral things, are you so disgusted you won't even draw, write or discuss him outside of hate? what is that doing for you, to ignore literally the main character of the game because of his actions?

now, this is not to say people can't hate jimmy. i understand it! as someone who has been a victim of s/a and abuse, i understand if you hate him and are even triggered by him to the point of avoiding mention of him. (but...why are you in this fandom? ((not aggressive im genuinely asking)))

you can feel however you want about any character, my goal is not to control people. but i thought it was common knowledge to not hatepost about someone in their tag? over actual insight into his character and, you know, the main themes of the game?

jimmy is a man who has struggled his whole life. both him and curly confirm that in the game. he's unable to control his emotional outbursts, and he likely had no idea what to expect from being in fucking SPACE for over a year with people he probably didn't even know before that trip. and pony express and their corporate safety corner cutting certainly didnt help, did it?

for one reason or another, he most likely was never actually taught how to manage his emotions. that's just how it is sometimes, growing up as a man. and it would make sense if he was forced to deal with everything himself, no? he always complains, but he still says he'll handle it. because that's what he's always had to do. and this is just the start of what i could say about what made him the way that he is.

he's a victim too, not only of his own actions.

surprise surprise, people who do awful things can also be victims.

honestly, this entire situation baffles me. how are you going to avoid one of the main characters of the game, let alone the one you play as ninety percent of the time? mind you, curly is also guilty, and i am happy to see at least some people giving him space for nuance. because he is also a victim!!! why is it so impossible to see jimmy as nuanced, when literally every other character also has incredible depth to them??

you're tarnishing and spitting on the beautiful writing of this game just because one character is too icky for you to feel comfortable thinking about for too long. it's horror, you absolute morons. it's supposed to make you uncomfortable.

if you hate jimmy, i dont blame you. but please, please, make your own space for it. be kind to people who want to explore jimmy and the darker themes, and like him for what his character represents. this is a video game fandom, not a witch hunt. and please, learn some fandom etiquette while you're at it, okay? okay. thank you

also just say his name. its not a slur youre not gonna go to hell if you say jimmy. like this isn't as important but still it just feels like a microcosm of this whole thing.

#mouthwashing #mouthwashing jimmy #jimmy mouthwashing #mouthwashing crew #mouthwashing spoilers #mouthwashing anya #mouthwashing analysis #mouthwashing curly #please analyse your characters instead of hating on ppl for portraying them in the way they are meant to be portrayed lmao #it's pissing me off tbh i'm beginning to not enjoy being in this fandom #which sucks because the game is a masterpiece

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bikananjarrus · 2 days ago

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hello my old heart

[a kanan jarrus character study fic]

(for @biwindblade who heard about this fic way back when <3)

rating: M | chapters posted: 1 of 5 | current word count: 15k

It's been ten years since the rise of the Empire. Ten years since the course of Kanan's life was forever changed. The anniversary hits him hard (literally), sending him down a long-awaited path of reflection.

Kanan must face the ghosts of his past; Hera, whom he trusts but is still so new to him; and scariest of all, himself.

read on ao3

(tagging a few people under the cut who interacted with that post i made the other day; if anyone else would like to be tagged/mentioned for the rest of the chapter updates, let me know!)

@creepygnocchi @transitranger327 @pwney @firerose

#kanan jarrus #star wars rebels #swr #my writing #kanera #this has been a long time coming. happy reading <3

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andypantsx3 · 19 hours ago

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Say andie what makes the booktok recs unreadable for you?

It’s the absolute cringeyness for me

Lol setting aside how rich it is for me to give any critique when I'm sure I could not do half as well as any booktok author... For me there are two things that make me put down a book: 1) the prose, and 2) unoriginality.

Last night I immediately DNFed a book I'd just acquired because the prose was so instantly dense in what felt (to me at least) like the most try-hard way. I can't quite articulate exactly what I mean as it's more of a feeling, but you know when you can sort of sense a style is not someone's natural style? Ordinarily I don't mind rich prose (I love, like, Elizabeth Kostova and damn can that lady go on). But this felt like the author was specifically endeavoring to sound poetic where simple language would have served better and it sounded unnatural. :/

And, if I may be a shit and complain further, the author set about info-dumping all their world building without even giving us anything (like a character or stakes) to invest in yet. I know some people love that but personally it doesn't work for me. I have to be convinced to read, and if you don't draw me in with some initial investment I find it harder to stick around.

And yeah also originality!! I did not have that particular problem with the book I made the post about, but I do with a lot of booktok recs. I find that a lot of what I enjoy in fanfic (lingering in well-loved tropes, re-exploring certain source materials over and over) is not what I'm looking for in my pubbed fiction. I will not name any particular books because I do not want to yuck anyone's yum but a lot of booktok books these days feel like recycled versions of other books and don't add anything fresh or interesting to the conversation. And it bums me out because I do like material that feels familiar, but I want to see it stitched together in a different pattern, you know??

Anywayyyyyyy that's enough from me. I'm so curious what factors go into "cringiness" though! I wonder if they are similar? What makes a book feel "cringey" to you?

#ask andie

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raina-at · 1 day ago

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Fic writer meme

Thank you so much for tagging me @discordantwords.

How many works do you have on ao3? 34. 6 SPN RPF (J2), 1 Supernatural (Wincest - if you have opinions about this, I don't want to hear them), and 27 for BBC Sherlock. I feel compelled to add though that my fandom history predates AO3 by about ten years, and that most of the fics I wrote during that time aren't on AO3. All of my TPM fics, all of my HP fics and most of my Supernatural fics are in fact not on Ao3. So I actually have no idea how many fics I've written since I started in 2001.

What’s your total word count? 585,261 words.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Don't Read the Last Page, Bakers with Benefits, Running Obliquely, Guess Who's Coming to Christmas Dinner and All I Want for Christmas (is Proof) (you guys really like my Christmas fics :-))

Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

Yes, I love comments, and I love getting into dialogue with readers about their interpretation of the characters and canon! I try to answer everyone, if I ever forget to answer, I'm really sorry!

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Um... None?

Of the ones on AO3 that is. I once wrote a Supernatural fic where Sam was a ghost and Dean had to exorcise him and it was heavily implied that Dean would commit suicide as soon as that was done, so that was pretty dark. And I wrote 2 Supernatural post Apocalypse fics that end well but the setting is very bleak.

But all my new stuff, especially all my Johnlock stuff, has happy endings.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Probably Bakers with Benefits. Sherlock gets everything he wants, including John, and they basically live happily ever after. But like I said, all my fics end happily.

Do you write crossovers?

I haven't yet, but that doesn't mean I won't, one of these days. I wrote a Bake Off Sherlock AU, but crossovers means having characters from both canons, and I re-cast both hosts and jurors, so it probably doesn't count.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, thankfully not. I've received a few odd comments here and there, but I never had the feeling that they were mailcious, just tone deaf.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, I do. Mostly of the vanilla kind, I'm not super kinky, and I'm not much for writing PWPs these days, but I like a good, spicy sex scene that shows you something about the characters and their dynamic. And sometimes it's just hawt. Which is also fine.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I heard a story once that someone stole one of my J2 fics and turned into a Het Degrassi fic, but I could never verify this claim because the fic got deleted. Other than that, not that I know of.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, several, and it's a great honour.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, mostly with my wife @nuttersinc, we co-wrote an entire fic series and some other, smaller fics, and we once at a Boondock Saints RPG (I know. I know.) I haven't co-written with anyone in ages, and I'm not sure how good I would be at it these days, since I'm a pantser and don't have very much time, so I think I'd drive anyone with a regular writing schedule bananas. But I'm open to try.

What's your all-time favourite ship?

All time.... omg... Ok, so mirroring @discordantwords here, I adore Mulder and Scully still. They're the OG ship for me, they were the first pairing I read fanfic for. They'e such a good example of The Dynamic (repressed bisexual disguising as the "normal" one when they're just a more adapted sort of crazy and socially awkward genius crazy himbo the normal one has to save all the time). Scully especially owns my heart, I love her, and Gillian Anderson is, like. So. Hot.

But Sherlock and John... they're just... so GOOD. You can do anything with them. You can put them in any scenario, any time, any space, and they're just so magnetically drawn to each other, they complement each other so well and they're so bad and so good for each other... I love them. So much.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Oh, quite a few. The one where John is Sherlock's neighbour and they have this 'we're just friends' dynamic and everyone thinks they should just get married, including Rosie, who's a sassy teen in this fic. It's got a lot of potential but I don't think I'll ever finish it.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at dialogue and character dynamics. I think I'm also good at building character arcs, and I think I'm good at setting scenes and making oblivious idiots fall in love.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm not the greates plot writer in the world. It takes me much more effort than writing a fic where, say, Sherlock and John have breakfast and talk, to pick a random example. I tend to lose the thread of the plot because I start writing the vibe before I have everything figured out, so I tend to get 'stranded' at some point. That's why my WIP folder looks the way it does.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't attempt it if I don't have a native speaker to look it over and tell me if it's correct. (if the other language isn't German, which is my native language).

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Roswell (the one from the early 2000s, not Roswell New Mexico. Yes, I'm a Fandom Old.)

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

None, honestly. If I wanted to write for a fandom or ship, I would.

What's your favourite fic you've written?

Oh my god I'm not sure I can answer that. I really like all of my fics, and I love most of them still. Some were such fun to write, some harder but the hardship made them more beloved.

I'll probably have to go for Bakers with Benefits, though, because I still like to re-visit that 'verse and I just LOVE these two.

That was fun! I'm tagging anyone who wants to do this, but especially @jrow @meetinginsamarra @lisbeth-kk and @thetimemoves

#my fic #fic writing #writing meme #fandom love

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wordsofwilderness · 11 hours ago

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me (an empath) sensing that the star wars post was about me... if u summarise star wars in jegulus terms and i might watch them

That may have been you yeah lol. I got to dig through my notes and cry about another pair of doomed siblings, which I think I needed? so thank you 😅

I'm gonna be honestly here, Star Wars on its surface isn't actually very Jegulus lmao, like there is zero one-to-one parallels here. This is more of a taking it apart adding a heavy dose of themes from the wider star wars canon and putting it back together in a slightly different way kinda thing. Like for example I'm throwing away all of the character connections/relations from star wars and fully replacing them with the marauders ones. (For anyone who's reading that knows Star Wars, trust the process here, I am a girl with a vision (homoerotic lightsaber battles))

Though, in Jegulus terms there are some themes that fit very well. There is the fight between light and dark where both are trying to convince the other to join them so they don't have to fight against them. Then there is the duality of hate and love which is just peak Regulus in and of itself, like how caring about people leads can lead to hurt and how that hurt can fester and consume you if you let it. And then there is trying to see the best in other people even after they have long given up on themselves which is just PEAK James Potter (oh how I love that man)

Anyway, if you do decide to watch it maybe just stick to the original trilogy, everything else is a bit uhh… lets just say diverse in quality

(also, I'm just putting it out here, Star Wars has really good creature design,,, just so u know)

#fic: the untitled star wars au #jegulus #james potter #regulus black #marauders #wild ask #ask #vi tag

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lovemyromance · 1 day ago

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Idk how people see that I have a Elriel blog where I tag every single post properly and come to the conclusion that I am trying to bait Eluciens/Gwynriels.

First of all, I'm well aware they stalk me regardless of how I tag all my posts. Second of all, pretty sure there's some bored housewife anon out there trying to rile everyone up by sending my posts directly into their inboxes. Now if they're stupid enough to believe it's an Elriel and answer the anon, feeding into the hate in this fandom, that's none of my business. But I'll just say I have been saying to just ignore these anons from the start and have not answered any troll asks. All this talk about reading comprehension and they can't even comprehend a troll anon ask

The only time I have interacted with an anti-Elriel is when they come onto my blog and reply to a post. I have never resorted to name calling or personal insults. That's not my style and I'm not going to insult a real person over my views on a fictional story.

That being said, I'm well aware most antis have me blocked. They genuinely cannot handle even seeing my posts, they cannot handle me refuting their headcanons and "interpretations" with actual canon text. So they get angry and whip out the "Elain is a fictional character" condescending diss. Like we don't already know that? They get so worked up when you hit them with facts that they immediately block, immediately just claim to anyone and their mother that Elriels are toxic and shameful and rude.

Rude? About what? I know they have a hard time backing up claims with textual evidence, but can any one of them point to a single instance where I personally insulted someone?

I guarantee they cannot because I don't do that shit. Pointing out they are wrong with actual canon is not "rude". If they can't handle that their hopes and dreams for this book are just headcanons, then they definitely won't be able to handle when the Elriel book is actually published.

And to clarify, I'm not out here posting on my Elriel blog to change anyone's mind about their ship. Ships are preferences. You are entitled to your opinion. You can ignore everything in the books and simply say you want Elain & Lucien together and that is FINE.

What is wild is attacking Elriels for reading the books as they are. Claiming things that are quite frankly not there because "that's your interpretation". It's a fictional story. A simple fictional story. I'm not standing out here on a soapbox trying to convince people to ship Elriel. I do not care. I am trying to enjoy my space in peace. Let me enjoy my corner of the internet and if you intend on trying to argue with me, don't act so surprised when I bite back.

#elriel

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canonicallyobserving911 · 2 days ago

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Eddie Diaz - Season 8A

This post is all about my favorite character Eddie Diaz and HE IS THE MAIN AND ONLY FOCUS OF IT. Therefore, if someone doesn't want to read about how I'm pissed off at the lack of character growth for him, keep scrolling. It's just that simple.

I'm NOT HAPPY about the LACK of development in his storylines and I'm tired of him being put on THE WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE.

I've been quiet long enough about this and I'm tired of the way Eddie Diaz is treated on this show. He's always sidelined and his arcs are pushed back in favor of Buck's which is interesting especially since they're both main characters. Don't get this twisted because I like Buck too but Eddie's my favorite and I would like it if he got the ATTENTION HE DESERVES FOR A CHANGE. Also, guest stars have received more character development than him and that's asinine as hell (Brad and Taylor come to mind).

Before I get started, I'll admit it's unlikely that I'll do a review of 8x8 because like 8x7, there was a lot going on but nothing major happened in it for the mains but they sure did a number on Eddie and regressed him. Therefore, this post is about my favorite character Eddie Diaz since the show and a lot of the fandom treat him like he's a side character. He's a main and I'm f~cking sick of the way his story continues to be sidelined so he can orbit around Buck.

BE CLEAR, I FULLY UNDERSTAND THE IMPLICATIONS OF LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE AND WHAT IT MEANS FOR BUDDIE! I ALREADY KNOW BUCK AND EDDIE WILL BE TOGETHER BUT MY ISSUE IS THE LACK OF DEVELOPMENT FOR EDDIE.

No shade to anyone but I'm not looking for clues that point to Buddie anymore because they've ALWAYS been there and doing that doesn't excite me. I WANT TO SEE REAL CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT and I've been wanting that for all the mains for 7 damn seasons. But the issue is every time Eddie's about to experience some growth, he's regressed back to a point of no return. He takes one step forward and 80,000 steps backward and this is exhausting.

Last night's ending was not for Eddie's benefit, it was done for shock value and for Buck's growth even though Eddie's been haunting Buck's love triangle f~ckery since 7x4. Eddie was ALL ALONE and NO ONE was there for him when he needed to talk. Therefore, Eddie choosing to move back to Texas DID NOT HAVE TO HAPPEN and IMO, it was lazy writing. Do the writers from LS have any idea who Eddie is at all? It sure as hell doesn't seem like it. What happened to the Eddie who said, "I'll always fight to come home to my family?" Or the one who said, "After Shannon died, they wanted me to give Christopher to them but that's not what I wanted then and it's not what I want now." He's practically nonexistent anymore and that's just sad.

Since RG's not leaving the show, what was the point of any of this? Oh, that's right to further Buck's arc while Eddie remains stagnate. Furthermore, TM (showrunner) said Eddie was wearing a mustache and when he shaved it off, he would find out who he is outside of being a father but...

NEWSFLASH!

THOSE TWO THINGS ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE.

The fact is Eddie is a father! He has been since he found out Shannon was pregnant, he always will be and it doesn't matter if he wears a mustache or not and/or whether he lives in L.A., El Paso or Antarctica. Therefore, TM saying that was an oxymoronic statement because since Eddie is a father whatever decision he makes will and should be for the benefit of him and his son. That's been one of the main issues for him since he's used Chris as a shield for his own heart while ignoring what he wants. Him deciding to return to Texas IS NOT doing what's best for either of them.

Additionally, for the entirety of 8A, all he was shown doing was being a dad. He spent all that time in 8x4 trying to help Mike reconnect with Weston but NOT ONCE did we see Eddie going above and beyond to visit Chris. It's like the showrunner put more effort into that than Eddie's on storyline and it's ridiculous. So, it doesn't matter if Eddie's married to Shannon (I know she's deceased but I'm making a point) or if he dates Ana, Marisol or Buck, HE WILL ALWAYS BE CHRIS' FATHER! THAT'S NEVER GOING TO CHANGE and whatever decisions he makes, until Chris becomes an adult, it always will be true.

Be clear, Eddie choosing to move back to Texas is NOT HIM CHOOSING JOY, it's him regressing and doing the same things he did in previous seasons. In season 5, instead of talking to Chris about how he was feeling, he up and quit the 118 but HE WAS MISERABLE because he didn't want to leave. Granted he needed the break and he also needed to go to therapy but since that time, it's been nothing but crickets on the therapy front for him. When he finally did talk to his son, Chris SAID HE DIDN'T TELL EDDIE TO QUIT. So, why wasn't he allowed to talk to Chris this time and ask him what he wanted? Or better yet why aren't they doing family therapy or something? Chris is talking to him now but we didn't get to see how they got there from 8x1. It all happened off-screen and the last time Eddie said something about Helena was 8x5 so he's been out of the loop on his own child for weeks.

Chris is a child which means Eddie has the final say. His parents don't have any legal rights to Chris but NOT ONCE has Eddie been allowed to tell them about the legal guardianship. After he told Buck about it, it's never been mentioned again and I don't want Eddie to have an NDE for Chris to come back and I don't want Buck to have that conversation with Helena and Ramon. It's good for fanfic writing (I've written several with the narrative) but in real life it gets messy and it's possible Chris doesn't even know Buck's his guardian.

This situation is a cluster f~ck of epic proportions and it needs to be resolved like NOW. It's been more than 5 years since Eddie changed his will and they haven't talked about it.

Another issue is Eddie IS ALWAYS TOLD WHAT TO DO and the one or two times he's made a decision on his own, he was happy about it but it was short lived since the showrunner always regresses him back into the Terror Dome. His dad told him to be the man of the house at 10 years old, they and those busybodies at church told him to marry Shannon because she was pregnant, he went to the Army and all they did was tell him what to do (it's the military so that's what they do) and when he was honorably discharged Shannon tried to tell him to move to California. Then his parents tried to coerce him into leaving Chris with them when he applied to work at the LAFD and Helena told him to move back to El Paso after Shannon died. His parents and Bobby told him it was time to move on from his dead wife in season 4 so he dated Ana. Buck told him to break up with her in season 5 and he did. Pepa told him he needed to put himself back out there in season 6 and she pressured him into going on a blind date with Vanessa. In season 7, Bobby asked him about the time he was married and his commitment issues, Father Brian had to tell him to find joy and Brad had to tell him not to let the gap widen in his relationship with his son. Also, instead of talking to his raggedy parents, he's making another decision that he won't be happy with. He'll be miserable because it's not what he wants. He established a whole life for him and Chris in L.A. and instead of fighting for it and telling his parents to get the hell on, he's surrendering.

That's not the Eddie Diaz from previous seasons. Seasons 2, 3 and 4 Eddie didn't want his parents raising his son. What happened to him? Where is he? He's missing and he has been for a while. I need him to come back and stand up to his parents. I'm sure there won't be a good resolution to this storyline and it's unlikely that Eddie will tell his parents off especially since the show is handing out undeserved and unearned parent redemption arcs like they're lollipops or some shit.

Eddie has A MOUNTAIN of things he needs to work through like his grief over Shannon dying, that whack ass doppelgänger Kim, his inability to tell his parents where to go, addressing the issues that are in front of him and all the pain and grief he's been carrying around for years regarding his failed marriage. He needs to have an open and honest conversation with Chris about Shannon and instead of asking Buck to talk to him in 7x1, he should have done it.

What I want to see is Eddie choose Eddie for a change instead of this hamster wheel of doom he's constantly being put on. Seeing him dance around in his underwear was cute and nice but that's not growth. He did something that brought him joy but the only reason he did it was because the priest told him to. When is he going to do something for himself? When will Eddie Diaz decide that's enough of this shit and tell himself he deserves better? He deserves to be happy just like everyone else and it's time for Eddie's FULL STORY TO BE TOLD.

I'm tired of waiting and I'm sure there will be some who'll read this post and say, "The second half of the season is supposed to be Eddie's." LOL 🤪. Haven't we been here before? Like five times actually and three of them were due to the F*X network's interference. Eddie's arc keeps getting delayed and it's possible there will be something else that causes TM to delay it again.

The fact is there is something else that could hinder Eddie's growth and the path to Buddie CANON but since I don't talk politics on my blog, I'll just say IYKYK and January is only 9 weeks away. This should have happened in season 7 but TM delayed it yet again so he can write it the way he wants to and if he keeps on, he might not get the chance.

Eddie and Buck both need to show growth because there are two people in the Buddie ship. It's unfair for Eddie to be sidelined while Buck gets to date and do whatever the f~ck he wants while Eddie sits at home and blows up his life yet again. I don't want Eddie to have another mental breakdown, an NDE or anything else that will cause him to be in the hospital or have him struggling. I want to see him go back to therapy so he can finally unpack all the shit from his childhood and his young adult life. Change takes work and him dancing around in his "tighty whites" like Tom Cruise is not the same thing.

Where is the consistency and the continuity?

Hopefully, 8B will happen without any hiccups so Eddie can finally be happy.

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #911 abc #911 on abc #911 season 8 #911 season 8 speculation #911 meta #911 spoilers #911 speculation #Canonically Observing 9-1-1 Speaks #ryan guzman #gavin mchugh #anti helena diaz #anti ramon diaz #anti shannon diaz

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