#If I have the energy to kill people i'd make my bed first

[dont-read-this-im-dead]

to all the people who want me to be "more productive":

Let it be known that the only reason I do NOT act out my homicidal tendencies, is because I'm lazy and tired.

[save-the-villainous-cat]

Hi!

I was wondering if you could write more stories of the war captive prince. (Maybe the captive one gets hurt while saving the prince from death?)

By the way, I really love your writing.

Hope you have a nice day! (*ˊᵕˋ*)ﾉ

So this doesn't really fit into the narrative but if I had to, I'd place it between part 1 and 2.

pt. 1, pt. 2, pt. 3, pt.4

Being a prisoner wasn’t as bad as he had feared.

He had a room to himself. It wasn’t much but it wasn’t a cell where he would rot within days. Soldiers guarded his door outside day and night and maids seemed to be making his bed when he was working in the castle. Whatever the protagonist had expected, it wasn’t this, it wasn’t an almost decent life.

But then again, he supposed the prince wanted to keep an eye on him. After all, everyone was watching him. All the time.

Most of the time, he worked in the castle amongst the other servants and it was easy to forget that those people weren’t his acquaintances. The protagonist knew these people weren’t responsible for his pain and suffering but still, every time he talked to one of them or shared his food, deep down his heart broke a little.

He felt as if he was betraying his friend by showing others kindness.

One day, when the prince had felt particularly merciful (or cruel), he had brought him down to the dungeons. And there he had seen them. His friend, frail and hopeless. He didn’t know if they had even recognised him. They hadn’t talked, had barely looked at him.

Since then, he had tried to sneak away and get back down there again, but it was to no avail. Whenever he was sure he had distracted the guards, one of them showed up in front of him and barked at him to get back to work.

With that memory burnt into his brain, the protagonist avoided the prince at all cost. Because he was sure he would find a way to strangle him to death the next time they’d meet.

So, when he’d been instructed to go to the prince’s chambers today, he was full of energy. His heart was beating in his throat. Rage blinded him and he feared he would make a drastic decision he could regret later.

However, as soon as he set a foot into the prince’s room, he could tell something was off.

“You actually came, I’m impressed.” The prince sat on his bed, holding his stomach. At first, the protagonist didn’t want to understand. He saw the prince in a weak state and wondered how long it would take him to end this.

In his lifetime, the protagonist had killed a lot of people. Undoubtedly, there was dark and thick blood on his hands.

Maybe he would finally add the prince’s too.

“You’re bleeding,” the protagonist realised. His eyes dropped to the wound the prince tried to hide and the strange amount of linen drenched in blood.

His muscles tensed.

The protagonist wondered what it would feel like to push his fingers into his wound and curl them. What sounds the prince would make if the protagonist found something in this luxurious room to press deeper into the cut. What he would look like if the protagonist strangled him and watched him bleed out.

The protagonist got overwhelmed with ideas, with rage and with determination. He wondered when he had gotten this violent, but maybe war had changed him.

Or he had always been this way.

“Yes. That’s why I asked for you.” His breathing was quick and he hunched, holding his stomach as the blood dropped down his fingers. “You have military experience, don’t you? That includes sanitary practice.”

“You’re delusional if you think I might help you.”

“I’ve heard that in your country you’re sewing wounds. It’s probably my last hope. My medics are panicking,” he said. His voice was raspy and the protagonist was sure he felt lightheaded. Losing a lot of blood was dangerous, even the prince should’ve been aware of that.

“Again, why would I help you?” he asked.

The prince made a noise between a groan and a sigh, mixed with pain and annoyance.

“Your friend, obviously. You can see them again tomorrow if you save me. If you don’t, they’ll be killed.” The protagonist cocked his head but what he was seeing seemed to be real. Tears were streaming down the prince’s face. Not a lot and barely noticeable but they sparkled in the dim light.

This was an easy choice, then.

“Good. Lay down.” The protagonist approached him quickly and pushed his enemy into the bed.

The prince’s face twisted and he looked as grey as ash. Even if the protagonist had to save him, that didn’t mean he couldn’t cause as much pain as he wanted.

“Put more pressure on the wound,” he said. He observed what the prince was doing, then shook his head. “No, like this.”

He pushed the clean linen the medics had given to the prince deep into the wound. They turned red immediately and the prince gasped.

“Oh gods-” He held onto the protagonist’s wrist, grabbed him harsh enough to leave bruises. He arched his back and whimpered like a dog and the protagonist stared at him, stared at the person who could be so cruel being exposed to cruelty.

Quickly, the protagonist realised, that they’d been this close in the throne room last. It was an eerie feeling.

But the pain the prince endured wasn’t satisfactory to the protagonist. He got distracted, looked a little too long at the tear stains.

“Needles? Threads?” The prince pointed at the drawer next to the bed and the protagonist found what he was searching for soon enough.

“What happened?” he asked as he took the bowl filled with water from the drawer. He put the thread through the needle’s head and drenched the needle in water.

“Assassination attempt,” the prince groaned. “I fought back but…clearly didn’t make a big difference.”

Quickly, the protagonist took the needle out of the water again.

“Shouldn’t the whole castle panic, then?”

“I managed to avoid that. Only a few people know that I’m injured,” he said. The protagonist looked at the wound. The bleeding wasn’t as serious anymore, so he pulled the linen out of the wound, much to the prince’s dismay.

His fingertips brushed against the protagonist’s.

“I’ve never killed anyone before,” the prince admitted. “Not with my own hands.”

“It’s much harder than it looks,” the protagonist said and the prince nodded. Before the prince answered, the protagonist pushed the needle through his skin.

The prince’s hand found his wrist again and he squeezed as the protagonist continued carefully.

Although the protagonist could sew, he was rather clumsy when it came to his own fingers. Every now and then, he stabbed into his fingertips until his own blood dropped onto the prince’s stomach, red and red mixing together.

“There was so much blood,” the prince said. The protagonist could feel his eyes on him. “I didn’t even notice I was wounded.”

The protagonist pulled a little too harsh on the thread and the prince flinched.

“Apologies,” he mumbled and for whatever reason, his hand landed on the prince’s forearm, trying to calm him. “I’m almost done.”

Again, the prince nodded and let him continue his work. When he was done, he looked at the result and found himself quite satisfied with it.

Maybe the protagonist was a fool for helping him. Maybe it was his own nature. Maybe war hadn’t hardened him, maybe it had exhausted him, had made him soft.

“Rest for the next few days. You also need a lot of food and water.” He stood up and turned around before he could put more thoughts into the situation, however, the prince grabbed his forearm before he could go.

“No word of this to anyone, please,” he said but the protagonist didn’t answer. What kind of power did he have here anyway? Trying to convince the people to overthrow their own prince? A revolution? Who would even listen to him? “…and thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” the protagonist said and he meant every word of it.

[furiousgoldfish]

How do you continue to function when you're so burnout for decades long it paralyzed you from working properly? Ngl my life is a whole mess after 10 years trying to survive from my abuser. and I still don't know how to get back on my feet again without having a mental breakdown several times a week and feeling suicidal on top of it

and I'm too ashamed to talk about it to people, i did talk, they were understanding at first, but that doesn't stay long. You can only cry and whine once, after that, you're burdening them with your loads.

They'd say you continue fighting no matter what still and I do, fight still everyday in my life even if it's getting up from bed. But what I can't do is going to work, I just can't, it doesn’t help that i experience abuse too from the place i work at, had to quit abruptly at one occasion after the boss got physical with me

In this survival state, I mostly earned money from freelance job (and obviously it's not enough)

Everyone I'm close to is very frustrated with me because I didn't seem to be healed even though it's been this long. What I learned from it is that not to bring up my pain ever again and have to pretend I'm doing fine because that's what my family and friends can tolerate. That kind of isolation kills me, as if they didn't consider that i want to be healed too. no one else wants to survive my trauma more than me. I just don't know how and I can't see how it's possible.

Yeah I relate to this! It is very scary to be expected to be able to work and live independently while you're barely holding it together, unable to get up from bed.

I can only share my experience of this, and maybe it's not that helpful, but I want you to know that it can get better, and that people are wrong for expecting you to suddenly be okay after the experience of torturous abuse.

When I escaped, I had enough money from freelancing saved up so I could just rest for a few years (it was stressful, being scared the money would run out), but I was able to indulge fully in resting and not getting up when I didn't want to. I spent years just laying in bed and trying to work trough the trauma and get the feelings of pain and terror out, and it worked to some extent, I started feeling a little less tired after three years!

I started working very infrequently, odd little jobs, helping neighbours for a bit of money, helping the disabled people or cleaning when I could, and it would just be a few hours of work, and I'd be completely drained after that. But again, giving myself plenty of space and time to rest helped me a lot, and then later working on my osdd also helped me restore some of the energy.

I can work only 2-3 days a week now, for a few hours, and it's enough to survive in poverty, if I don't buy anything, so this is what I do. I'm lucky that I'm able to share my bills and rent with roommates and make my own food, and that I'm so used to poverty it doesn't specifically bother me. I still get sad sometimes that I can't have an actual real job and live more safely, but I'm alive, I'm not tormented, and I spend a lot of time resting, and just tell people 'I'm sick' if they ask questions.

I think freelancing, doing a few hours of work infrequently or just slowly letting yourself recover until you can do something for a bit worked great for me, but I also understand it's not something that will work for anyone. If you're stuck not being able to save up, or work enough that you could pay even a part of your rent, that feels debilitating and scary, it doesn't let you plan for the future, it doesn't feel like you can even complain to people as they're unwilling to listen. I am so sorry for what you're going trough, it's legitimately a bad situation, and it's only natural for you to struggle like this after so much abuse. I believe you need to have as much rest as you need and if one day you get a little better, you might be able to figure it out, and if not, I hope at least people take you more seriously and understand that this is real pain, real fear of losing a future over abuse.

[cowboybrunch]

writerblr interview tag!

thank you for the tags @tragedycoded (here) @sableglass (here) and @saturnine-saturneight (here) <3 ive been meaning to get to this one for a minute sooo let's get into it

Short stories, novels, or poems?

i started with poetry, so it has a special place in my heart. all of my short stories turn into beasts. is it a cop out answer to say all of the above?

What genre do you prefer reading?

it'd be easier to list what genres i don't like. when i say ill read anything, i mean ill read anything. lately i've been on a sci fi kick (thanks Pierce Brown) but i love a good modern trashy romance as much as the next guy (i read the booktok sludge so you dont have to!) im not really a nonfiction guy but hey, if anyone has some recs, ill give em a shot

Are you a planner or a write as I go kind of person?

def NOT a planner. usually when i start writing i have a vague idea of where we start and where we need to end up, but what happens along the way is a surprise for everyone involved

What music do you listen to while writing?

SILENCE. sometimes white noise. i cant focus with music, brain gets jumbled

Favorite books/movies?

of all time? oh god for books, probably This Is How You Lose the Time War or The Song of Achilles but The Locked Tomb series is def up there. not a novel but i've read Bluets by Maggie Nelson so many times i probably have it memorized by now favorite movie is Zoolander, easy answer. that movie owns. i can watch it on repeat and ill never get sick of it

Any current WIPs?

Dust to Dust is still alive but im taking a bit of a hiatus before hopping into the final bit (tag is here if you wanna see me ramble about it) Felix Wonder is the fun time brain break WIP of choice currently and im working on draft 3 of Burden of the Reluctant Death (we will get to the ending this time. we will)

Create a character description of yourself: 

Elusive, or pretends to be. Too much energy in too small a body. Refuses to sit properly in a chair. Prone to fits of melancholy remedied by sunlight. Easily excitable, but fussy. Same outfit every day: big sweater, little pants, fuzzy socks. Nails bitten bloody but at least her hair is clean (if a bit too long for summer)

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing?

i could say no but that would make me a liar

Are you kill happy with your characters?

i was gonna make a joke but it would be spoilers soo. i write about grief. no way everyone makes it out alive

Coffee or Tea while writing?

coffee. i dont like tea (sorry sorry!)

Slow or fast writer?

im very much a burst writer so. flood or drought, no in between. lately i'd say SLOW but im just waiting for that spark u get me?

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

this really isnt fantasy but i feel like i was destined to be the kind, slightly off-putting maintenance man in a haunted apartment building that says cryptic things like "don't take the east elevator on a full moon" and "the air conditioning has made that noise since the fire in 12B"

Most fav book cliche:

yea there's only one bed and ill eat it up every single time!!! also: "i didnt know where else to go" or basically any overdone romance trope you can think of. im here for it

Least favorite cliche:

if there's a cliche that i dont like, i havent found it yet

Favorite scene to write?

confession scenes of any kind! scenes where the big tough character breaks down. any kind of emotional revelation, positive or negative

Reason for writing?

words in head, need words out of head ok ok fine, serious answer. i feel like writing is both asking and answering the question, "have you felt like this before? has anyone ever felt like this before? am i alone?" and it's proof that you're not the first and only person to ever experience the things you're experiencing. even this made up guy in this pretend world understands rage and despair and joy and grief and love. the source is different but the result is the same. human connection, man. love it and! it's fun. im having fun

tag!!

@knightinbatteredarmor @friendlesscat @tildeathiwillwrite @glassonthewall @illarian-rambling

@mysticstarlightduck @dyrewrites @sarandipitywrites @oliolioxenfreewrites @xenascribbles

[hyperactive-cowboy]

So that's the second chapter of the landoscar christmas series, I have literally no idea of how to make a link between this chapter and the first one, so if you want to read it then you'll have to search it yourself, but it is my last post so no big problem. You have probably realized it, but I got inspired to write this story by "All I want for Christmas", so the titles of the chapters are part of the lyrics. As always if you have suggestions or there are issues with the story don't be shy kidsss. Oh and if someone can tell me how to make the link I'd be grateful for my life. ENJOYYYY

Make my wish come true

Warnings: like one curse word at the start and one at the end (I don't even know if those are considered curse words), the littlest angst and fluff. Some words are translated with google because english is not my first lenguage. It's not beta read because I don't have the energy to do it right now as I had planned on finishing the series in 2023 but here I am.

Ship: F1 involved!Lando Norris × not F1 involved!Oscar Piastri (established relationship)

Wc: 3.3k

Chapter 1, 2, 3

Summary: Max and Logan help Lando in his little gremlin plan to propose to Oscar during their christmas party.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Max's phone rang in the exact moment his dream was at its climax, waking him up without letting him know the finale of it.

Max looked at who was calling at such an hour in the morning.

It was Lando. Then probably it wasn't important.

Max deactivated the sound and left the vibration on, trying to fall asleep again just to see the end of his dream, but the buzzing wouldn't stop.

With a mix of frustration and malcontent for his not-well-started Wednesday morning, Max took the phone and answered his best friend.

"What do you want" he asked abruptly

"'Morning sunshine, I also miss my best friend so much" Lando answered sarcastically and Max could perfectly picture in his head the wide tooth-gaped smile his best friend almost certainly had on his face. 

"It's not a good morning when it starts like this" Max returned. 

Lando, on the other hand, laughed at his friend's distress. Max knew that, sooner or later, he would've killed his best friend.

"Anyways, I'm sorry for your pain, but I've just got an idea" it surely wasn't a good start. Every time Lando said stuff like that, it didn't end well.

"Oh god"

"I want to propose to Oscar"

"OH GOD" 

Suddenly Max was sitting on the bed, totally awake and vigile.

He didn't know what to say. Well actually there were too many things he wanted to say but couldn't choose which one to say first. Between the "when?" The"where?" and the "Why?"s. 

Instead, his mouth (apparently not connected with his brain) deliberately and on its own expressed all his emotions at once.

"What the fuck"

"Yep it was pretty explanatory" 

Neither of them knew how to behave. Obviously some people they both knew have got married before, but neither Lando nor Max have ever experienced a crazy idea like that. 

"So… when?" The moment Max started to metabolize the news, he also began to like it in some weird way. 

He knew the two have been together for some time and (at least for Lando) have also been pining over each other for even longer, so it was logical that one of them would've done the big step in a short time.

"Okay, well, that's my plan…" 

Lando started to explain The Big Plan to his best friend, who was more excited every new sentence he heard. 

Max had known him for so many years and has always thought of him as more immature and childish than other people their age, but he was sure Lando would've made the perfect husband to Oscar.

This train of thoughts continued and extended in every direction that included memories of Lando, the emotions took over him and made his eyes water a bit. But thinking about it, those words were good, he should've taken notes for his best man's speech.

"Let's recap it from the start once again" Max read on his phone. It was at least the 25th time Lando had asked him to repeat The Plan. He was sure he could've acted even other people's parts in the show. 

"Dear god I only have to say yes when he asks me about the party" Max texted back.

"It's not difficult" then he added just to emphasize the pointlessness of Lando's worries.

"Don't you dare make fun of me I'm just anxious, it's normal I guess" Lando's answer arrived in no time

Max smiled to himself shaking his head. Some things never change, he thought while unfolding all the memories with his best friend and rewatching every time Lando acted anxious. There were a few.

"If your calculus are right, he's calling me in ten minutes, so maybe I should get ready to answer him?" Max asked, trying to find an excuse to not leave his friend on seen in this particular situation.

Lando texted just a "yeah you're right" and then left the chat.

Max sighed and closed his phone, just to get his hands on his face and rub his eyes.

"Hey Osc, long time no see" is the sentence Max and Lando have accorded for him to say, and he did it spectacularly. As if he hasn't repeated it for the past twenty minutes without a single stop.

"Yeah it has been a tough period. We were planning a christmas party at our place on wednesday, are you in?" Oscar asked him.

"But isn't Lando away?" He was trying really, really hard not to abruptly laugh and scream at Oscar's ear.

"Yeah, in fact we wanted to do this thing together, but then he was called away and we can't postpone it anymore" Max thought he sounded a little exasperated.

He felt his lungs expand and contract without an order, his cheeks had become red and swollen, in his eyes there were tears for holding it back, but then he couldn't take it anymore. 

Max let out a soft giggle, but that giggle meant to him like the most powerful and exorbitant laughter he had ever had, mostly because he felt (he could literally touch it) the importance of his position in there.

"Yeah I think I'll be there" 

"K, thanks mate" Oscar sounded pretty hesitant with his answer. "And you can come with who you want" he then added.

"Great, thanks. Bye" Max hung up just right before exploding in what he thought was one of the biggest laughs of his life.

He didn't know the cause of this, but that situation was so funny to him. Maybe it was just the stress. Most probably it was just the stress. But why should he be stressed? It wasn't even his proposal. What would have happened when it was HIS time to take the big step? Max didn't even want to think about it for a minute.

He jumped back to reality and immediately opened his and Lando's chat to update him.

Max rang the doorbell of his best friend's house and waited for his best friend's boyfriend (and next-to-be fiance) to open the door.

"Never saw you awake this early" 

Oh right! Oscar's humor was something he could never forget about.

"I'm happy to see you too" Max stated with the biggest smile stamped on his face. He patted the boy's shoulders with both his hands and looked him down, trying to imagine the guy with a different surname (something like Norris) and a different look (a smoking might be ideal, and maybe a golden ring on that finger could be even better).

"Yeah" Oscar mouthed with a raised eyebrow and a confused expression.

 Max entered the house without needing a welcome. He treated it like it was his, he didn't care if the actual owner was okay with it. At least he could say the same happened every time Lando and Oscar were at his place.

"What are you doing here?" 

If there was another person in the room, they could've heard three voices ask the same question at the same time.

"No no no. I asked you first" Logan yelled at Max getting up pretty fast from the couch he was previously lying on.

"Well yes man, but really why are YOU here" he repeated.

"I'm here to help Oscar. And you?"

"I'm too" 

Max and Logan looked at each other with a slightly confused stare, narrowing their gazes and tilting their head to one side or the other.

Oscar cleared his voice behind them and just then he realized he couldn't tell Logan what he was about to. ("Well, actually I'm here to help Lando" would've been his response).

"Max, can I ask you to get away from my home? I already have enough help" The youngest boy looked exhausted. It must be tiring to project an event like this almost alone and with his boyfriend hundred of miles away from him. 

He could not understand, but he surely could pity him.

"I'm very sorry Oscar, but I'm not leaving this house until tonight" 

"Okay then" he looked more exasperated every sentence. 

"Don't worry. This will be the best party you've ever been to" 

"Do I have to remind you this is MY house? Maybe I should be the one preparing it" Oscar pointed out almost ironically.

"We will be better than you, trust me" Logan, who has been silent the entirety of the time, had stepped in the conversation to support him, and Max couldn't be more grateful.

With all due care, Oscar left his house in his friend's hands and headed to work. 

Max and Logan had only six hours and a half to transform that house into a HOUSE.

"So why are you here really?" Logan broke the silence, leaning on the shopping cart as he pushed it.

The two were at the mall searching for cute items and classic christmas stuff to hang here and there in the house to make it look more comfortable.

They have given themselves a specific and perfectly timed list to follow religiously: the times were calculated per second and the both of them had certain works to complete.

"Lando wants to propose Oscar tonight" Max let out.

"LANDO WANTS TO WHAT?'' Logan cried out in the middle of the cheese island, standing up like he was electrocuted and launching three slices of gruyere into the cart.

"SHHH why are you screaming?" Max whisper-yelled at him.

"Oh ya know? It's just my best friend getting married to yours, why aren't YOU screaming?" Logan replied in the same voice tone.

"I've already had my screaming session a week ago" he explained.

Max looked at his clock and calculated there were two minutes of delay in their schedule.

Logan looked around himself in disbelief, pinching his own cheeks to make sure he was not living a dream. 

He looked at Max right in his eyes for the first time in their entire lives. 

"Then we have to make sure we do the best of it" Logan stated resolutely, speeding even more than before, driving his shopping cart like a formula 1 car.

"You go bake the cookies, I'll get the house aesthetically ready" 

Max nodded at his newfound friend and sprinted into the kitchen to prepare all the ingredients he needed.

Right after putting on his freshly-bought apron, his phone started vibrating.

Max boringly looked at the screen and would've even hung up, but noticing Lando's nickname on it, he thought it was preferible answering, after all that work.

He accepted the call and put on the speaker while calling Logan to make him participate at the "meeting".

"Everything's okay?" Lando's altered voice sounded more worried than Max had ever heard him.

He took a moment to appreciate the fact that his best friend was giving this plan all his soul. You could know how much he cared about Oscar (or generally about his loved ones, even if he didn't show it that much) just by hearing his preoccupied voice.

"Yep, we're almost ready" Logan answered, just as joyful as Max.

"Wait, who was that?"

"It's Logan. I know everything and I couldn't agree more with you on this decision" his face was stamped with a smile from ear to ear and his eyes shone brighter than the stars.

"Oh hey Log sorry, didn't know you were there too. Does he suspect anything?"

"There is absolutely no way he could. We were silent as a grave" Max answered, almost kicking his feet like a schoolgirl.

"Well then-" Lando's sentence start was interrupted by a not a little hasty Max, who was sure he was about to scream.

"Now that you have secured yours and our wellbeing, can we finish our work? We have a pretty full agenda to follow" 

"Oh okay then, I'm halfway there anyways" 

"Yeah yeah, you know where I keep my second set of keys" and without another word, he hung up the phone just as fast as they both came back to their respective jobs in the house.

"Hey that chocolate dough looks fantastic" Logan laughed entering the kitchen, looking at a totally covered in chocolate dough Max.

"Where? I thought I cleaned everything" Max responded. 

Logan sighed and continued his laugh, then threw a clean kitchen towel at him, telling him where he was still dirty while taking a seat to taste what they had prepared during the evening.

"It's not that bad" he exclaimed, chewing the biggest bite of cheese and ham toast Max had ever seen.

Logan raised the volume of his phone when he heard the first bits of  "Last Christmas" were playing.

By then, the trust between the two was near to the one in a years-long friendship, after all those hours spent together and a common goal in mind. For this sole reason, Logan felt confident enough to start singing his favorite Christmas song.

Max turned around with a shocked look. Not because Logan's singing skills were terrible, well not only because of this, but because he didn't think Logan was one to start singing around what was a stranger until a few hours before. 

And again his emotions changed, his heart melting a little. Logan singing like this in front of him meant that he trusted him enough to show him his silly side.

Max decided to match his energy and start wiggling his hips and dancing a little around the room.

The two were so lost in the moment they couldn't hear the owner of the house entering firstly the place, and then the kitchen.

"What in the world you two?" Oscar looked totally agape.

 Max and Logan fastly looked at each other and the american jumped between his best friend and his new one to try protecting him from any crazy action the Aussie could have done.

Max and Logan both knew Oscar wasn't one for physical contact, (everybody around him knew it) and because of it they were used to him never touching them. This was why, when they saw him coming this close so fastly, they were scared Oscar was about to stab one or both of them with a random pointy ornament found in the home.

It must've been a particularly shocking period for Max.

First Lando's announcement, then Logan's new friendship, and now a hug from Oscar.

"Thank you for everything" Max and Logan heard Oscar's muffled voice buried in their clothes and both moved a little because of the little gesture.

"That's no problem mate, really" Max assured him.

"C'mon now, there's people arriving here to party" Logan tried to lighten up the mood, receiving the tiniest and cutest laugh from Oscar.

"I don't think it's the worst idea you've had until now" Max whisper-screamed at his phone in his best friend's kitchen while everybody else, including Oscar, in the living room was living their best life.

It was at least the fourth phrase he had heard from Lando about what he thought could be the best starter of his proposal-speech.

"Well, at least not the weirdest" he continued.

"Ehy!" Lando laughed at him, but still his stress wasn't relieved, not even a bit.

Max, for the fiftieth time, didn't know how to act.

Like, what did he have to say? Something funny to let the pressure decrease? Or something meaningful to be That One friend for once?

He decided that saying nothing was the best option. For both, him and his friend. He was, actually, not a hundred percent sure about it, but on the spot he failed to think about anything better.

"I think it's better if I go now" Max admitted after a few moments of silence.

He received a "yeah" as an answer and immediately hung up.

Max was totally sure there were more mature things to do than he, seconds after, did. But, unfortunately, less mature things are usually the more spontaneous ones.

This is why, when his phone turned on again, seeing the new message from Lando and texted him back, the only natural thing to do that came to his mind was to start jumping and giggling, just like a schoolgirl.

He got only one thing not calculated in his mind: the fact that Oscar might be keen on entering his own kitchen for whatever reason. 

So when he turned around to face the exit, he found there on the door an astonished Oscar staring at him.

Max couldn't tell what was open wider: Oscar's eyes or his mouth.

Anyway, he had to think about a not-too-much- suspicious reaction on the spot. And surely he had never been good at thinking on the spot.

That's the reason why the first thing Max did was rebuking him, closing the door on his face.

Just a single moment after he thought that maybe his actions were more suspicious than anything else he could have done. 

With a worried expression folding his eyebrows, Max took his phone from the marble table's surface again and fastly texted to his friend he might have done something wrong.

"I'm here"

This was the message he had been waiting for the entire time, but now that Lando had sent it to him, Max was starting to get agitated again, knowing exactly what it meant.

"Is everything ready?" Was the following text he received, to which he answered with a "gimme 5 mins" 

The only three things he had to do were: inform Logan, inform every other guest and prepare Oscar.

The guests heard the news with surprise and loving eyes, while Logan started to sweat a bit.

Last point on his list was to take Oscar in front of the entrance and then his work would be done perfectly. 

But where the hell was Oscar? He had asked Liam, Max (the other one) and even Niran, but they knew less than him. So he searched in every room of the house, even the bathroom, but when he had knocked on the bathroom door, Logan's voice had answered him.

Max asked his and Lando's long time friend to text the next-to-be fiance and tell him to wait.

He tried to think about what could have happened: Lando would have rang the doorbell and Max would've opened the door instead of Oscar and Lando would've found his best friend instead of the love of his life in front of him (already on one knee and with the ring box open and about to repeat the speech he had been talking about for weeks) and then Lando would've asked him "what the hell?" and then he should have answered him with something like "I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but we have lost your future husband, we apologize for the unease" and what could've been Lando's reaction to it all?

Max's morbius thoughts were taking such a part of his brain, he didn't realize Logan had taken Oscar all the way in the living room, just right before entering the entrance.

When Max turned around and saw him, immediately looked at his friend Niran, winking at him as a way to give him the signal for Lando to ring.

All the guests were ready with their phones in their hands, faking sending and receiving messages or searching for something on google. Actually they were all about to flash the lights of their phones to make the atmosphere, using the devices just like in the 70s they used lighters.

Except for Charles: he was the one in charge of recording the video, in fact he had the best position of sight.

Max got out of the kitchen as the doorbell rang and Oscar (in a new outfit) rushed to open the door.

"My guest must've arrived" he announced looking at the young Aussie.

From his point of view, Max couldn't properly see all the scene, so he moved through the tangle of guests to crouch down one step away from Charles.

From there, Max could see everything perfectly: Oscar's (flabbergasted, he might add) expression, the fabulous ring, and most importantly his kneeling best friend and the biggest smile he had ever seen on his face.

[sinzkiller]

Mayuri Kurotsuchi X Reader

"Change"

Warning: Fluff💕+ damn nasty Smut💀✨

"I wanna trust me, the way that you trust me"

"Ooh, cause nobody ever loved me like you do"

"I'd love to see me from your point of view"

—POV by Ariana Grande

The first time you met Mayuri when Urahara introduced him to everyone in 12th squad, you had your heart set on him. For you, Mayuri is easy to work with, you don't even know why everyone is having hard time with him. It didn't even take a month for you to be close to him, the way you accept him for who he is and match his energy brings you closer to each other.

Those beautiful eyes of his, those beautiful painted skin of his, those beautiful smile of his whenever he's getting excited with new experiment... You never know if he likes you the same way you like him, so keeping the love feeling for yourself is the best option because there's no way you want to ruin the special bond between the two of you.

He never treats you as badly as he does with others but you don't want to make preconceived assumptions about his small kindness.

Now that he's a captain of 12th Division, you can say that you work under him as a Squad 12's soul reaper. While everyone else trying their best to avoid him, you tried your best to get closer to him not just physically, but also emotionally. You are one of a few people that he's close with, but compare with Nemu and Akon, you're the closest one since hundred years ago.

"Captain?" You call for him as you slowly made your way inside the room. It's been a week since he locked himself inside his private lab, totally busy with whatever he's working on. Now it's middle of the night and all the researchers already headed to their own barracks, leaving the place empty except for you and Mayuri. "What is it? Didn't I tell everyone in this squad to not bother me?" The captain respond in such a low voice, hinting that he's drained out. His eyes never once look at you, only focusing on the monitor screen. "Nothing, just checking on my favorite person"

No respond from Mayuri, only the clicking sound of the keyboard being heard. Slowly you approach the captain and standing next to him, giving him a worried look. Your right hand touches his, stopping him from typing on his keyboard.

He groaned, too tired to push you away so he let you to do so. "I know you're tired, captain, how about taking a break?" You whispered.

"I'm not tired and please go away you're distracting me" he replied and and tried to push you away but failed, too tired to move his muscles. You smile softly and pull him from his seat. You're gonna risk it all, he is the man that you love and you should take care of him. Even if he probably will kill you after this, you just don't care anymore.

You know how much he hate it when people see him in such a fragile state so you hurriedly lead him to his own captain's quarters. It's not your first time going there anyway. When Urahara still a captain, he always asked you to help him tidy the the quarters for him so the place is familiar to you. But now the captain's quarters is not belong to Urahara, but Mayuri...

Once you guys enter the room, Mayuri pull his hand from you so that he can undress and heading to the bathroom.

"wait for me here, we will settle this once I'm done removing this paint..." he stated and close the door behind. For some reason there's no threat behind his words this time, he just genuinely wants you to stay there with him.

Around 15 minutes later, you find yourself fall asleep on his bed and immediately get up before he sees you in this state. Just in time he came out of his bathroom, wearing nothing but only towel that wrapped around his waist. You were loss for words, it's the first time you've seen him without his white paint and he's absolutely gorgeous.

"First time seeing me like this, isn't?" He knew what he's doing and it's driving you crazy.

Your hands moving on its own, touching his cold skin and caressing the scars on his arm. "Captain...." You couldn't believe that you finally see the real him.. "Y/n, this time just call me by my name".

Mayuri.. it's been a long time since you call him by that name.. ever since he became a captain, it's absolutely forbidden to address him so casually..

Mayuri pushed you down to the bed, his head now on your chest as he nestled against it. You were flustered, you never imagined yourself to be with Mayuri like this. Slowly you runs your fingers on his blue hair which made Mayuri felt more sleepy and in relaxed state. "I know you desired me, I know you love me since the day that man introduced me to you" He said in a low voice but enough for you to hear. "Holy shit am I that obvious?" This is so embarrassing that you feels like you want to slap the shit out of yourself. So he knew about this.

The tired captain didn't respond, only stare at you in such uncomfortable amount of time before asking you one more question. "Can I trust you?" He asked cautiously.

"Yes"

Now that both of you changed the position, you find yourself straddling him while slowly trailing your fingers on his scars and placed a kiss on it, admiring his body that you've never seen before. "I am surprised you're not afraid of me" he said which made you giggles and stares at his honey gold eyes. "Say something, idiot" he scoffed and smacked your ass. You yelped and accidentally pressed your chest against his, which cause something awaken underneath you.. "Hmmm? Seems like you got me excited" He smirked and smacked your ass again, this time harder than before. "A..ah! Mayuri" you accidentally moaned his name. "Why should I be afraid of you?" you pouted and playfully punched his chest. He wonder why and how you love someone like him, he wonder how is he likes in your point of view.

The special feeling he had for you grew even more when he sure that he can trust you. As someone who is cautious with everything and anything, it's hard for him to just open up and yet he just showed his real face to you...

You cupped his cheeks with your cold hands and give him a quick kiss before look at his eyes once more. "Please don't doubt me, my feeling for you is genuine" you kiss him again but this time on his forehead, trying to gain his trust.

Your fingers trailed the scars on his shoulder as you moved your hips back and forth just to provoke him more. Losing his patience, he pushed you down to the bed and ripped your clothes off your body until your skin was completely exposed to him as he removed the towel from his waist, revealing his huge dick to you.

"Is this huge dick of mine scaring you, girl?" The audacity he had saying something like that made you even more excited. You said nothing and look away, completely embarrassed by the situation you caught yourself in.

He took your left hand and placed it on his chest, wanting more for your touch before he furiously thrust his dick inside your tighten cunt without any warning. "Mayuri..!" You screamed his name and wrapped your legs around his waist.

"Be proud..ah.. having my dick deep inside your pussy.. is a privilege you know.. mmm" he said as his half lidded golden eyes looking at you with lust. Showing no mercy, he thrusts himself into your pussy harder until the tip of his cock hitting every flesh from the inside.

"Ma..yuri.. mhmmm I thought you were.. tired?" You said in confusion, surprised that he has such a stamina to fuck you like the beast he is.

"So what, want me to slow down?" He said teasingly, hips still moving but in such unsatisfying slow pace.

His eyes fixated on your bouncing breasts, smacking them multiple time before licking the sensitive buds with the tip of his tongue slowly. You arched your back in response.

"Mayuri..can you just please..faster?" You begged him. He could feel your pussy squeezing his dick harder than before and he absolutely prided himself for this. "Fine, since you begged for it" with that his thrust getting faster than before until your knees getting weak and your legs are shaking. "who do you belong to? Huh?" He asked in a husky voice as his right hand pressed against your neck. "Answer me"

"you, I'm belong to you alone" your answer satisfied him. A few more thrust and he felt something...

"Ah fuck.."

He whimpered and shoot his warm cum deep inside your pussy, not dare to move yet since he don't want to spill it. Your pussy now filled with his sticky semen and it feels so good...

He inserted two of his fingers inside your pussy, pumping it in and out. "Mayuri bae.. i think that's enough ah.." you can't handle the overstimulation and felt like you almost reach your second orgasm.

"Did you just call me your bae?" He said excitedly as he pulled his fingers that covered with his own semen mixed with your wetness and shove it to your mouth. "Say it again, I want to hear it" The blue hair captain sure enjoying this judging by huge smile that appeared on his handsome face. Seeing you struggle to get the words out is so cute for him.

"My Ma..yuri bae" struggling with your own words since his fingers toying with your tongue now. "Hmm?" He brought his face closer to yours this time, fingers still inside your mouth. "Mayuri..bae.. i love.. you" finally, the words he wanted to hear. "You're mine" he whispered and pull his fingers from your mouth.

Mayuri smiles at you before his body collapse to the bed. "Mayuri, are you ok?" You went into panic mode and try to wake him up. "My dick is exhausted and you expecting me to have any stamina left? Since you brought me here I should get my sleep" he murmured and pulled you to lie down with him. He snuggle against your chest, squeezing and playing with your breasts.

"Hey..Mayuri.."

"What? Can't your own man touching your breasts?"

Ok that caught you off guard, but that's not what you want to ask him. "What if you impregnate me?" The question you asked him brought him back to reality. Well he did cum inside you but he didn't remember impregnate you was part of the plan. After a few minutes of thinking, he has made up his mind.

And it will change everything..

"We will keep the baby..my love, I'll make you my wife and Nemu will have little sibling" he said and kissed your lips once more before both of you fall asleep.

~~~~

Nemu: Good morning, mother

Y/n: Mother..?

Nemu: Master Mayuri told me to call you mother starting from today, mother.

Y/n: omg * blushing*

Akon: I want to be the cool uncle—

~~~~

<3

[bloodboundsiege]

project update/where i've been/other stuff

Hey everyone! I know it's been a loooooooong time since I posted anything or gave any updates, but since I just updated the demo with some bug fixes--you can go here or to the pinned post on my page to download the new patch if you want to take the demo out for another spin--, I figured it was as good a time as any to talk about what's been going on.

This is probably going to turn into a long post, so if you don't want to read all of that, here's the tl;dr: Bloodbound: The Siege is still underway, I just was going through a really difficult period. Thank you all for your support of me and your continued enthusiasm for this project. It doesn't go unnoticed, and I'm really thankful for it.

Where I've Been

You know how sometimes someone will take forever to post an update to their fic and then the author's note will be like hey, sorry it took me so long to upload a new chapter, I was kidnapped? This is nothing like that. It's a lot less juicy, but I figured I'd still talk about it.

When I first started working on this visual novel, I was doing some freelance social media work, living with my family, and had a ton of free time on my hands. I would literally wake up every day and sit at my desk for 9+ hours a day, working on this project, making music, or writing screenplays.

At the end of last summer, I moved across the country, started grad school, and started working a pretty demanding job to support myself. It was also the first time since 2020 that I was doing any kind of significant socializing, and I was still working on this project, along with my other endeavors.

I felt like I was killing it. It didn't matter that wasn't getting a lot of sleep or really taking care of myself. I was somehow doing everything I wanted to do and needed to do.

And then...it caught up with me, right around when I released the demo for BBTS. I was having panic attacks at work, barely making deadlines for school, and it would take me half the day to work up the energy to get out of bed. It felt like I could do was sit in my room, watch Netflix, and doomscroll. Everything else was left to the wayside. Even though I was able to finish out my spring semester with good grades and left my job on good terms, I was hanging by the skin of my teeth. I also had some really messy stuff going on in my personal life that exacerbated these issues.

I had to spend this summer trying to rebuild myself and find a balance again. I'm in a much better place now--I started working out, which has been great for my anxiety, I quit vaping, I'm starting to be more conscious about what I put in my body and how it affects me, but I had to prioritize myself and my well being in order to get to this place.

As a side note, the experience of announcing this project and releasing this demo has been...strange. I put a lot of work into this project, from teaching myself how to code to writing the story, and this is the most visible thing I've ever put out. I was hoping maybe fifty people would play this demo and be like cool, but it's a much higher number, and a lot more feedback.

And that's both really cool and really scary. Cool because it's awesome that people appreciate something I created. Scary because now I want to make it good. I don't want to disappoint you all.

A Brief Tangent On How People Interact With Fandom Creators Sometimes

Even though I'm not always super active/interactive on here, I really enjoy getting asks about the project, whether it's hype, an inquiry, or feedback. Even if it's negative feedback, I know that it's coming from a good place. I also am really appreciative of messages that are either letting me know about bugs, or expressing any concerns about the story I am planning to tell. I don't take those kinds of things personally at all.

But I have noticed--and this is not just exclusive to the Choices fandom--that sometimes, people will interact with fic writers, fan devs, or really anyone that makes any kind of ContentTM in a way that isn't any of the aforementioned things I described above. Sometimes, the way that people interact with me--or other creators--is demanding, passive aggressive, or outright hostile. Other times, it may be well-intentioned, but it still feels like it's crossing some boundaries.

I'm extremely thankful to everyone who has reached out to check on me, but there's a huge difference between doing that and accusing me of abandoning this project and framing it as a deep moral failing on my part. I know I'm not the only person in this fandom that's experienced this. It really doesn't feel good, and it isn't helpful. Even if I had just decided I was no longer feeling BBTS and decided to dip, that isn't okay.

I additionally ask that in the event of another pause in posting on this project, people not reach out to me on my personal tumblr to ask about the status of this project, or to tell me to check my DMs or inbox on this page, or anything of that sort. To my recollection, I have never posted the URL my personal tumblr on this page. Like I said before, I'm appreciative of the fact that people are passionate about this project, but it's important to me to be able to keep this space and that space separate from one another.

I would absolutely understand any of this kind of behavior if there was money involved. If I had investors to answer to, or people pre-ordered the completed game from me and paid up front, people would absolutely be within their right to be frustrated with the radio silence that's been coming from my end and reach out to ask about the status of the game, or even be upset with me. But that isn't what's happening here.

This project is supposed to be fun. There's something really liberating about the fact that I can't ever monetize this or put it into a portfolio. It means it's for me and for you. We're all just supposed to be here because we like being here.

But part of the reason why the burnout and the anxiety I was experiencing spilled over into this project was because of these more pushy interactions. It made me feel like I was letting people down, or like the stakes of this were higher than they actually are.

I don't want to sound ungrateful, or like a diva. Like I said, I'm really appreciative of the reception of this project, and I'm grateful for any and all feedback, inquiries, or curiosities. But I just ask that everyone be respectful, and I don't think that's an unreasonable request. We'll all have a good time--both here and in the larger Choices fandom--if we're kind to one another, and if we're respectful of each other's boundaries.

Is Bloodbound: The Siege Still Happening?

Bloodbound: The Siege is still happening, but it is not going to be coming out this year, unless I somehow gain the ability to freeze time. Most of the sprite work is done--though I might do another round of retrofitting sprites into their respective dialogue boxes because I'm a glutton for punishment--and I'm pretty close to completing the more detailed outline of this story.

While I'm not ready to do this yet, it is extremely likely that by the end of the year, I'll start seeking out additional help for this project, mostly with programming. There will be a more detailed post about that when the time comes.

Until then, it's good to be back. Catch you on the flipside.

[spidersfanfics]

Fanfic Snippets (FFXIV)

I've started falling back into an old writing habit lately. AKA: Coming up with one (1) scene, writing it, and then never finishing the actual story cause I really didn't think that far ahead. So in an attempt for me to not leave all these things to rot in WIP Hell, I'm gonna start posting those scenes on my Tumblr again. And then maybe if people like any of them, they can bully me into finishing it (where it will then go on my AO3 probably)

Anyway, here's the first one. Final Fantasy XIV SPOILERS- It's the intro to a Zenos x WoL thing following immediately after your duel in Endwalker. Enjoy :)

My energy spent, I let myself succumb to the exhaustion. The pain. The defeat. I had done it, obtained the one thing I desired above all else. Death at the hands of my first friend.

My eyes fluttered closed, unable to stay open any longer. And as they did so I let my head loll to the side. My gaze landing on him. Watching as he crawled towards me with the last of his strength.

For what reason, I knew not. But as I felt his fingers intertwine with mine, I did something I'd never done before. I prayed. How intensely un-Garlean of me. We had no gods to speak of, for fear of summoning eikons. But for all I'd seen and done up until now, it felt like the right thing to do. So I did. And with my dying breath, I pleaded for the Warrior of Light to live on in his victory.

Something clattered to the ground. And as a certain weightlessness overtook my body, I let unconsciousness take me away.

—-

Flashes of noise. A ringing in my ears that made words hard to make out. Like listening from underwater.

Familiar voices. Arguing about something. Anger, fear, confusion.

Light. I can't quite make out the details. Is this the aetherial sea? Is this my soul coming undone?

—-

I find myself alive.

Slowly, I sit up from what appears to be a hospital bed. And my eyes land across the room, meeting those of my savior.

"You're awake."

My eyes linger on his own injuries. "You saved me." It was not a question.

I don’t know right away how to feel about the situation. True, it went against everything I’d worked for. I should have been enraged. Frustrated or annoyed at the very least. But at the same time, he was the only person I knew who could have orchestrated the situation. The thought excited me. Anyone else would have killed me. Would have been forced to kill me. He, and he alone, commanded the right to spare my life. That thought too, was a thrill.

[prohader]

Littlewood Review - July 18, 2024

Developer: Sean Young | Publisher: SmashGames

I'm a lover of farm and lifesim games. I first played this a few years ago on Switch in between a move- I was transferring colleges and living with my parents, and had to spend a whole summer living at my older sister's home in the middle of bumfuck nowhere while waiting for our new home to finish being built. I am a completionist at heart, and this game was light enough to complete without wasting my life and chill enough to listen to some video essays or watch some shows while I did it. Now it's 2024, so I decided to give it another go. Let's dive into what Littlewood is about, why I love it, and why I find it underrated... but far from perfect.

What It's About:

This game is an extremely lighthearted, chill, and cozy world directly an apocolyptic scenario where you, the hero of Solemn, have single-handedly defeated an evil dark wizard. The world is saved but fragmented, and everyone knows who you are... except for you. You see, you lost all of your memories of the battle before and you no longer have any of your magical powers or your trusty sword. So what do you do when you no longer have any ultimate goal and the world is broken apart? Well, build a new home, of course! Two of your trusty, ragtag friends and a warm fatherly figure from before your lost your memories are here to help you start your new life as a mayor of sorts for your town in which you will reside, grow, care for, and customize to your heart's content. The Game: I'd say this game is like a lite and easy-to-digest version of games like Animal Crossing (New Leaf and New Horizons, to be specific) and Stardew Valley, but it has its own identity and unique mechanics that stand out from other "cozy family-friendly farmsims" on the market. The main mechanic that I find a breath of fresh air compared to real-time progression and set in-game clocks is Littlewood's time system. All of your choices in the game are revolved around actions that take energy to use, and you have set amount of energy to spend each day. The amount of energy you spend fishing, cooking, gathering, crafting- almost everything in the game, in fact- progresses the time and once you have completely depleted all of your energy in the day, the day ends. As the leader of your town, you are free to do virtually whatever you want and whenever you want, so the player is incentivized make all of their energy spent per day feel worth it. As mentioned, the player can do a myriad of things such as watering and collecting flowers, picking weeds, talking and hanging out with townsfolk, getting closer to them, growing crops, mining ores, chopping wood, creating furniture, catching bugs, upgrading their town amenities, and even (later on) playing a card mini-game that's easy to understand but takes a bit of practice to master. Progression in Littlewood, I'd say, strongly involves growth of the town amenities and making your little villagers happy. By talking to your villagers and making their homes more comfortable, they will incrimentally provide you more blueprints and unlockable tools and items that are critical for you to make money ('dewdrops') and increase you rate and efficiency of the things you produce or catch, such as building materials, crops, fish, and bugs- all that you can use to get even more dewdrops or craft furniture, homes and buildings. As per the nature of these type of cozy games, there isnt a very primary goal that you're encouraged to reach or complete. By naturally engaging with the game you will come across most of the villagers you can unlock eventually. But this game is really great for people that want to catch EVERY bug, breed EVERY variety of flower, and donate EVERYTHING they can to complete their museum for no reason but the satisfaction of seeing a job completed. The Positives: If you want a comfortable game to kill an afternoon or hunker down in bed with every now and then, i'd be hard-pressed to find something as cozy and easy to pick up and put down than Littlewood. The gameplay is stupid simple (did I mention you only really needs three buttons and a d-pad to play this game? So it's extremely accessible), and the collection aspect can get pretty addictive, especially when each day ends with a barrage of exp being gifted to you for all the work you did and all of the affection meters for the villagers you've interacted with that day shooting up.

The setting isnt super unique, but the way in which the world is introduced to you incrementally is something I wish more cozy games did- I love that the world is broken up in such a way that the major mode of transportation is by hot air balloons, I love the quirky characters you can find, I love the lore about the world you can unlock through books and little pieces of conversation, and I just adore the tiny itty bitty sprites. Animals look so tiny and adorable you want to pop them in your mouth like tic-tacs, and the character profile sprites are expressive and a joy to see. Each character also has their own unique 2-frame animation. And like I said, there's plenty of things to upgrade and collect.

The Negatives: The game doesnt really give you much reason to pay attention to what the characters are saying to you. My biggest problems with this era of "cozy" games is that I feel like sometimes writing and character development is left to die in a ditch, and you can sort of feel that in Littlewood. Yes, each villager is charming and cute and have their own quirks and personalities, but theyre all so extremely 2 dimensional that it's hard to really feel anything for most of them. But this is kind of a big deal when you're playing this game blind for the first time- because the characters actually occasionally tell you very important information! In my first playthrough, I got several hours into the game (almost giving up) before getting some really helpful tools that are intrinsically tied with building a desk in your villagers' houses and accommodating their home requests- especially the beginning handfuls of characters you recruit to your town. I feel like if the tools are going to be tied to making your villagers furniture, it should be made way more clear, and the things the characters say to you should be more engaging so you're not just mashing through everything they say. Additionally, due to the lackluster writing combined the entire setup of the game- you being the Solemn's savior- leads everyone to just put you on a pedestal and stroke your ego all the time for something you never did (in game). You can never do anything wrong and you're automatically cool and attractive and amazing to everyone, no matter what. It kind of makes romancing characters feel extremely forced and imbalanced, like many characters are only interested in you because you're the Hero of Solemn. One really important aspect of this I want to discuss is with one NPC in particular that sours the whole game for me SO much that i will actually mash through their dialogue or intentionally ignore them outside of completing tasks... maybe I should say her. It's Willow, I'm talking about Willow. Now, im sorry for all of those out there that may actually really like Willow. But the game strongly communicates that the player and Willow were in love before the game began. It makes talking to her when you're not particularly interested in her in the first place really awkward, and even moreso when you're much more interested in ANY of the other characters over her. It'd be one thing if it was just coming from her, but Dalton and Dudley also frequently bring it up and it's really distracting and uncomfortable. And even though i'm bisexual, i (usually) tend to favor bachelors in games whenever there's any sort of romancing element, so it adds another layer of uncomfortability in an otherwise cutesy-cozy-soft-power-fantasy game. I wish that the developer instead just made it so she had a crush on the hero before losing their memories or something, because my mind cannot help but think about how devastating it would be if my partner were to lose all of their memories and wake up one day with them marrying someone else and forgetting everything about me and the things we did together. It's not that I absolutely hate the idea, but with a game of this tone, it really puts an awkward damper on what is normally a fun self-indulgent mechanic. Willow having had a romantic history with the main character prior to the game up until the moment they lost their powers makes the player feel guilty for not choosing her, and makes the player's choice to marry anyone but her feel less "meaningful" as a result. Maybe that’s just me, but it really feels mismatched with the purpose of the game. Additional Thoughts: I really think this game would benefit significantly from even a minor update or DLC. There are a couple tiny graphical bugs on Switch (doors open for some reason, and you can really easily go OOB in the town hall) but there's honestly a lot more that can be added to add in more customizeability to the player and the town, but I can make a whole separate post on what I think would make for GREAT Littlewood DLC (and I probably will)! Personal Rating: B

💚 Unique time-progression system

💚 Chill, cozy collectible game.

🚫 Interesting lore, but too little of it shared or explored

🚫 Villagers are pretty one-note, any depth they have is left unexplored, and they all put the player on the pedestal so it makes interacting with them sometimes uncomfortable if you think about it for a little too long.

🚫 Important Tools and QOL features should be tied to other systems, not how comfy or aesthetically pleasing your villagers's homes are.

[hearthhuntescasty]

Depression, new adult rant. Mentions of suicidal ideation are sprinkled throughout the paragraphs, paragraph of SH will have a warning before it and is completely skippable.

I've now been a proper adult for a few months now. An apartment with my partner and our puppy. An 8-3 job 5 days a week and paychecks. A functioning morning routine. Antidepressants. A health hazard kitchen, laundry everywhere, and I sleep on the couch because I'm always too exhausted to properly handle my room that the dog keeps diarrhea shitting in.

I have ADHD and depression (probably dysthymia?. No diagnoses here. Perhaps one day soon. But I had a therapist in college who specialized in nurodivergence and she was very sure I was ~something~).

Honestly, idk how people do it. I don't know how they can go to work, come home, deal with 109 things, go to bed and still want to wake up in the morning to do it all again. I'm not sure how in the hell they have energy to do all this shit. How do you feed yourself and others 3 times a day, clean up, do hygiene, go to work, and not become exhausted? I just upped my antidepressants, and I felt better for a while but I think my depression became worse. I don't get how so many people are content living their lives like this. Do they feel content? They ALL don't certainly want to kill themselves. Do they feel rewarded after a hard day's labor?

I have a very rewarding, people focused job. I help children. I watch them grow in ways they might've not have because many people would've given up or coddled them, at least historically. I love my job, or at least, I think I do. I'm too busy being exhausted, and feeling just about nothing and trying to meet my needs and do my job properly at work. I forget everything, and there's so much going on all the time, and so many judgement calls, and I don't want to get in trouble (corrected for mistakes). It's like I just don't get it sometimes. I need to be confident too, which I'm good at, if I don't feel like I'm about to get in trouble, which I'm always a little haunted by because I take my mistakes to heart more than I ought to, I can't stop thinking about my mistakes the day I make them.

I just, I feel nothing. And it seems like nothing fixes it. Will I ever feel better? It's unbearably miserable and empty. I love fall, I get beautiful views this time of year. I try to appreciate the leaves, it's like they never really reach me. I used to feel joy and appreciation, I used to feel like I was seeing this beautiful catching moment. Now I only feel the dullest amount of enjoyment from them, not enough to embrace joy. I try to think of the thoughts I used to have but, it's all faded mumblings that mean nothing to me. it's made me feel like the fall, the summer, the seasons just pass me by and I missed them. I've missed them for years. I black out most of my summers, even when they were likely kinda pleasant. I do remember this summer, but only cause so many Firsts happened.

The following paragraph goes into details about SH. Skip to the next paragraph if that's too much.

I got back into self harm, not that anyone other than the internet knows now. I don't want the attention. Sometimes a little just makes me feel like all that misery can just pour out of me at once and Its enough to be able to suck it up and go on with my day, there's no overwhelming of emotion there's no thought of it afterwards except checking the marks and feeling their burn a bit. Its practically nothing. I don't cut real hard, bleeding, maybe a raised red line. Not even enough to be noticable, nothing that can't be explained away.

Since I was a tween I just wanted to have a job that I enjoyed, and my own place and live a really simple, normal, but happy life. A modest one by most "when I grow up" desires. I was just so sure I would be happy. I tried so hard, I'm trying so hard. And I'm still not happy. I was so sure once I figured things out I'd be happy. My life should be pleasent, tolerable. If it was purely up to my optimistic cheery predisposition and hard work and the fortune I have, I should be content with my life at the minimum. I should be happy, I hope. But it's really not. It's just the chemicals in my brain. I'm so burnt out over the littlest things. Things that are little to neurotypicals, but I gotta build up for. I'm not sure I want to keep on living, I surely don't want to keep on living like this but what choice do I have? I always wanted to open my own tea house, and even if that say brought me the contentment with life I'm searching for, I have to hold out and then work triple time. And I probably will be burnout, or simply the repetitive nature of it will keep be stuck in the same limbo I am now. I just need to keep holding out. Maybe soon my depression will ease off and I'll feel more put together again soon. I will say, my depression/burnout isn't as bad as it has been historically before meds, I used to hurt miles more than I do rn in these moments. I used to feel like I was going insane and I just wanted to be insane to make it go away. I still feel a bit like that ngl but I don't feel insane. I feel rather sane and adult, things need to be and I'll push to get them there and then I will be fine. But God I can't see any point in living my life rn other than to support my partner.

There's really never not enough time. It just keeps rolling and I can't catch up on weekends rn.

Here's some songs that I just keep looping cause they hit.

[thesevenwondersofawitch]

I'm watching ep1 of The Brothers Sun

I love how the dude is baking cakes and watching Great British Bake off 😂 (killers have hobbies too)

Love how the Triad people are wearing sequins

Oh noooo the old guy is dead!

Oh no he isn't he's just in a coma

Ohhhh and he's the main dude's dad

Oooooooooooo his mom's the key to power?! Fuck yeah! Michelle Yeoh is amazing

Fast and furious energy with that fast car( is it the the main guy's brother?)

What a mood that he's actually an Uber driver😂

I hope those girls gave him a good tip since they got sick in his car

I have the same alarm tone😂😂

MICHELLE! (I wonder if the footage on the TV is of Michelle's panda that she adopted)

Wait

Is she a nurse? 😂

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww she's so proud of her baby🥺

My mom also makes me text her when I get to school 😂

Love how she's just like 'go get smart'🥺

Bruce is painfully relatable with his awkward thumbs up flirting

Bruce: *pulls crumbled up dollars from his pocket and pushes it towards the lady* How much education would this buy me?

Lady: 'there's 7 dollars here.'

Poor Bruce, he spent his tuition money on improv classes 😂

'Dude, I am not a criminal!' nah but your family is😂

The way he's trying to justify selling drugs is so funny yet relatable in how college is so freaking expensive

Love that the main guy is happily getting some pastries 😂

Oh no he's just led the bad guy's to his Mama's house 🥺

Is no one even home?😂 He looks like he's been preparing himself the whole flight over😂 Awkward

Awww, he's seeing all the pictures of his mom having fun with his brother 🥺

Oop now he's fighting

DUDE HAVE YOU NO RESPECT THAT'S HIS MAMA'S HOUSE?!

Me: *makes notes* get ✍️ electric ✍️ fly✍️swatter - Oooooooooooo ✍️and a pineapple ✍️

The way that he's pausing to smoke and give the guy a cigarette 😂

Ooof, that was yucky🫣👀( the dude literally pulled his hard through the knife)

I'd make a joke about how pepper spray is not really that effective when your house is broken into and there's a lot of violence that have taken place, but it's Michelle yo so she makes it an insanely deadly weapon

Michelle: 'Bruce' wrong son, don't worry Bruce is fine selling some drugs

Love that her first words to her eldest kid is 'who's this?'

He brought pastries, he's a good son😂

She insulted his beard 😂 and is making him clean up

Dude used the good knife to fight? Disrespectful 😂

Love how they're just cooking while a dead dude is there😂

'not soft, sensitive'😂

Michelle: 'he thinks his father is a gambler and you're an Antarctica working with penguins'

Brother: 'fuck'

DUDE YOUR MAMA MADE YOU FOOD YOU SHOULD EAT IT

Wait, I feel like the club is the same one Bruce is at😂

Bruce, you should've logged into the guy's network just for giggles 😂

Bruce is such a mood

Bruce, in a room of sketchy people who are probably killers: "Hello sir nice to meet you, I'm Bruce."

Oh May is totally a killer

And I kinda love her

Oooooo it is the same club!!!

Bruce: "WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY SOME DRUGS?! I'M NOT A COP!" Relatable

Ooooooooo Bruce is trying to sell his brother snow/pearl/nose candy/disco biscuit 😂

Oof, Charles got tasered

Poor Bruce is so confused 😂

Love that their grandmother carries a taser 😂

"I could prove it by killing all of you. Or you could just check my ID."😂

May is fangirling😂

Love that she's like: 'sometimes family's are fucked up'

Bruce: 'wait, dad's rich? And I'm driving for Lyft?!' what a mood

Poor Bruce is so scared 😂

Charles: "Bruce, do me a favor, don't tell Mom." :)

Bruce: 'WhAt?' :(

Boom shockaloca

Bruce: "We can't come in here looking like this! Mom's gonna freak!"

Charles, barely able to stand and covered in blood: "I found Bruce, he's safe"

Meanwhile, their mom is in the kitchen in an apron, shower cap and getting ready to cut up a body: "Charles go get changed. We gotta get rid of the body. Bruce, go to bed. You got a test tomorrow." She's got her priorities straight, that's for sure

The way the brothers looked at each other as their mom starts drilling into the bad guy😂

This show is a comedy truly

[danielforshort]

Northern VA Native Plant Garden

Wow oh my goodness life turned upside down and inside out and overall not great! But in an effort to practice things that would help my mental health I started fussing around in my garden. The new house I'm in has a front yard and a backyard. I've decided to devote most of my attention to the backyard. I spend a lot of time scrolling through Facebook Marketplace and my various FB groups looking for free gardening materials. I'm not really planning on staying in the house past the year (though I'd like to be done moving honestly) so i don't want to invest too much money in the garden. But time and energy are fine to spend; I'm enjoying playing in the dirt so I get an immediate return of "childlike joy at playing in dirt" and a possible future return of "oh I grew stuff!"

My goal is to have an ornamental side of the garden and a raised garden bed for things I plan on eating. Currently i have a ton of yellow bell pepper seedlings (I started them a bit late in the season but it's been unseasonably warm these past few falls and mild winters) and 14 tomato plants! I do not like tomatoes but I do like to grow things and they're so easy.

I'm planning on making my raised bed out of some bricks/pavers/garden stones someone gave me. It doesn't need to be huge or pretty or super stable, just a bit of a container for me to drop some plants in. Someone was also giving away plant soil which was great.

With all the weeds I've pulled up I'm hoping to fake/badly compost them. I'm too impatient to wait the months and months I need for them to properly break down. I've stuck them all in a black garbage bin to hope the 100 degree days will kill off their seeds so I can crumble them up in the bottom of my raised garden bed.

For the ornamental side of things I'm focusing on native Virginia plants! There's a great FB group dedicate to native VA plants and people are always giving away or swapping plants! A very generous woman gave me a ton of plants that I'll detail about later in this post!

First I'd like to document the weeds I pulled! I had so much fun weeding actually. It's a repetitive task I enjoy and I like to identify plants even if they are weeds. I used Google Lens for IDing most of them and it actually seemed fairly good at that. Without further ado a list of the different weeds I saw in my garden during 2+ hours of work :D

Note: None of these photos were taken by me! I was too focused on weeding to take good photos of anything.

Weeds

Erigeron Canadensis (Horseweed)

This one was fun to pull! It came up easily and hadn't flowered or gone to seed at all! I think Alexis Nicole has talked about this one before? I wish it had been growing in a part of my garden that didn't need to be weeded right that moment so I could have eaten some. Apparently "dried leaves can be used as a seasoning with a flavor similar to tarragon" (source: eat the weeds) I'm sure I'll find it again maybe in my front yard and I'll try to save some.

Oxalis Acetosella (Wood Sorrel)

God this one HURT to pull, emotionally speaking! I love wood sorrel so much and its one of those plants I can ID easily. Some of my brave friends will eat it when I offer it but most pass. Unfortunately it was right in the area I needed pulled up for my raised bed. I am hoping I can encourage it to grow in my ornamental side! Alexis Nicole has definitely talked about this one before. It had shallow roots and was easy to pull :)

Matricaria Chamomilla (German Chamomile)

Another one I did not want to pull up but had to! It had pretty shallow roots that came up easily. I actually collected all the ones I weeded and popped them in some water. I hope to replay in my ornamental side of things. Fingers crossed they've survived this shock. I have a couple packs of really old seeds so I've started some chamomile from seed. I don't know that it'll work. I think I have some growing in my front yard so I might try to transplant that.

Lactuca Serriola (Prickly Lettuce)

This plant was my second least favourite to weed. Its roots are strong and run deep. The prickles bit me through my gloves. It was satisfying when I got a good grip and pulled it all up but more often than not I heard the roots snap leaving good chunks under ground. It sucked. A lot of them were super big and tall. I know its edible but didn't save any to forage. I'm sure it will be back.

Solanum Carolinense (Carolina Horsenettle)

This plant is my mortal enemy. It bites you. Its stubborn. Its totally toxic. I hate it. This was the most predominant weed in the garden. It was tall and if I tried to reach around to grab a different weed it would scratch me.

Verbascum Thapsus (Common Mullein)

Lord this plant was a stubborn one. The roots were strong and deep but it was so satisfying when I got it out. I actually couldn't remember this one's name when I sat down to write this so I used the Virginia Tech website (link here) to ID it! It's a great website that lets you select features of a plant and offers ones that fit those criteria.

I had a lot of fun weeding and IDing these plants! I'll have another post up about the native VA plants I'm cultivating. I hope whoever reads this enjoys the post. If its just me I hope I find this useful as I start a garden art journal where I can draw and take notes on all these plants.

[daz4i]

suicide and general negativity ig

i hate that english doesn't have a good word for מיואש (filled with despair. hopeless? ig) bc this is how i'm feeling fr

there is just. nothing good. and there is so much bad - both BAD bad bc of the war but also mundane bad bc yknow, Life - that i'm getting so overwhelmed i can't handle anything

my whole month is filled with medical shit and there's probably gonna be even more bc i need more tests and they're all just. such a pain to do (it sounds whiny but genuinely i can't handle them. just thinking abt them makes me so anxious bc they all require lots of painful preparation, sometimes for a few days, and they're so gross and require being poked with needles which my medical trauma certainly isn't helping with. and even tho i did so many already they can't find shit and i'm so tired i'm so done with this body

and like. it'd be one thing if i wanted to live. if i wanted to make my life better or thought it was possible. but by now i know it's not and i know i won't so it just becomes infinitely harder. like if i compare life to being in prison, it feels like the warden decided to torture me just for fun to make it even worse

but there is nothing good there is nothing to look forward to bc everything is shit and nothing's worth it and i hate when ppl tell me to enjoy the little things bc there is nothing to enjoy about them either. i can't have most of them anyway. i wish i could. but this shitty ass body and fucked up brain won't let me

there is no future for me i know i'm never gonna amount to anything when i can't even do the most basic shit about being human, literally how am i gonna be able to fulfill my """"potential"""" when i can't even do stuff like eat or sleep normally. when i can't go outside. when i can't handle being around people. when my body crashes and burns after standing for a few minutes or walking for more than a couple hundred meters. what even IS there for me to achieve in such a state. the only win i can have is getting out of bed and it doesn't feel like a win because i don't. want. to live. i have fucking professionals, people getting paid to help me do at least some of these things, and i can't bring myself to even take the first step bc just thinking about it makes me clam up so bad i can't move or talk and everything starts hurting so much more

there's not even. mundane fun. or joy. bc no one i know has time or energy for that. bc that's just what being an adult is ig. not that there's much to do in order to have fun anyway. like i said nothing to look forward to everything is so shit and nothing actually brings me joy anyway and it's not like i can handle being around people enough to help with that

i was not meant to be alive i am not designed to exist and like at this point I'd assume my who knows how many near death experiences may have been the universe trying to correct the mistake that is my existence and for some reason not managing to pull through the final stretch

i'm so tired i'm so done with this i wish i could be killed in some certain quick way bc i can't. i can't handle any of this. this is too much

[gayndepressed666]

Realm of the Elderlings characters as quotes from The Discord

quotes under the break as it is far too long.

((quotes by queer and autistic people))

wintrow:

"Oh kid, that'll get you struck down. Changing religions like sex partners."

ronica gaslight girlbossing and gatekeeping serilla out of bingtown:

"I'm high energy btw, but like if you gave someone with depression a coffee except I don't have depression or a coffee"

kennit:

"I feel like people should be able to kill their sons because God did it and nobody complained"

jek:

"You rocked her, you papered her and you scissored herrrr"

the pale woman:

"you better sleep with one eye open. I'll come in here and steal Ur bones... *slurp*"

kyle:

"the feels when you wanna shit on a child"

nighteyes learning about sex:

"And so thats why humans grew boobs :) "

tintaglia:

“It’s otay to eat babies 🥹”

wintrow:

"I just called you a god why are you upset??"

wintrow:

"Ohhh, you scared the Jesus outta me.... I guess I'm not Christian anymore 🤟 😔"

the fool:

"maybe I'd be one of those famous people like robin williams where I'd be really happy on the outside then kill myself"

fitz at the fool in the first trilogy:

"who would heckle me?? who would look at me and think, 'They need to be beat down *more*'"

fitz and the fool:

fitz: your going to kill me one day I know it.

the fool: it’s ok coz I will be there with you when it happens!😊

regal:

“Sometimes I wonder if I’m evil, but then I remember that I’m cute so it doesn’t matter.”

starling to fitz:

"if you got slapped across the face would you get hard?"

the general public about fitz after the mountain kingdom in book one:

"I know him. He's crazy. He has autism or epilepsy."

jinna:

"bruhhhh imma sympathy fuck you right now"

etta:

"I'm telling ya! I don't support fascism, but if you take a few of the bastards out into the street and shoot them publicly, the rest'll listen!"

tatts when thymara wouldnt fuck him:

"Yk Asexuals are actually sexist because they don't like sex"

fitz:

"I may sound like I'm being sarcastic, but I'm just being autistic"

paragon:

"You look away for one second and I steal your nipples"

althea about viv:

"this bitch did in fact make me gay. Titties out, ready for me to suckle."

the fool becoming lord golden:

"guys I hope to be a gay man :)"

amber to fitz in the last trilogy:

"Only gay people like boobs"

kennit:

"I'm not trying to hurt people I am trying to shoot them >:("

fitz:

"Do you think i have Artistic potential, or just autistic potential"

fitz off his face after downing blackberry brandy:

"On a sober not, idk why the table and my chair are wet because I peed in the toilet"

malta:

"I’m not innocent I just find men extremely revolting"

jek:

"I would get up to such mischief if I had a penis"

the fool about regal:

"I'm anti gun... but if I saw him 😡"

fitz at the fool and vice versa:

"I look at it and think who's gay and depressed? and then I remember it's you"

fitz at the fool in the first book of the last trilogy:

*whispers* "I very narrowly avoided shooting you in the back of the head"

fitz:

"Excuse me i just went into the astral realm for a sec"

fitz to the fool in golden fool:

"I don't know what he's mad about, but it's because he's gay"

fitz swapping bodies with verity:

"It must be scary being a guy friend of a lesbian couple. Never know when they're gonna ask you for your sperm"

the fool:

“I’m never going to lose my virginity because I don’t lose 😎”

etta:

"Why is ppl having blood on them so hot?"

ronica around malta:

"Guess what! I hate children"

the fool at fitz:

"*looking him dead in the eyes* it's fascinating watching dumb people"

nighteyes:

"She's in your bed, I'm in your boyfriend"

bee:

"I love the feeling of being evil, b-but in a good way"

jek thirsting over brashen:

"it's a shame I'm too sexy to be embarrassed"

fitz to molly after she fucks his dad:

"What a wife you are, ya skank"

verity on elfbark:

"See, I become all knowing when I get high"

bee:

"is it bad to put burning down a church on my bucket list? Idk I just think it'd be fun."

[k-she-rambles]

Have an outline for a fic I may never write:

some background: the year is 2012, and everything is Avengers. People still write these (❤️ u), but it's the golden age of avengers tower fics. Everyone is friends in messy dramatic ways, overpowered oc's abound and it's fabulous.

This is also the golden age of Loki drama. It started with Thor, but ramped up with Avengers. The discourse was usually "Loki is entirely Evil mcEvil" vs "Loki is my perfect shmoopy-poo, and Thor is a Murderous Meanie"

I'd settled (& found others too) on "Loki DEFINITELY killed people but he was also obviously under duress." I'd recently read some early Diana Wynn Jones (Dogsbody and Eight Days of Luke), I was listening to a lot of Florence and the Machine (Heartlines) and somehow all of that blended to create...this tropey monstrosity. I just didn't have the skill to sit down and bang it out, and I still don't really

(tw for...well Loki's mental state at the end of Thor did not exactly get better by Avengers.)

This is part one|

We start out directly after Avengers, with Thor bringing Loki home to Asgard to face judgement.

Imagine Loki, before the dias in the throne room of the palace of Asgard. It's fall, there is an occasional chill breeze.

Odin, Frigga, and Thor are on the dias above him. The rest of the court behind him. Loki himself in chains.

Odin has described the charges against Loki, and has asked, each time, if Loki had anything to say.

Each time, Loki has remained silent.

He has nothing to say for himself. He's not sorry for trying to conquer Earth. Thanos is coming for them all, and they don't deserve a warning.

In the jumble of grief over losing the approval of the man he once called his father (if he ever had it in the first place), his madness inducing fall through multidimensional space, capture and manipulation by Thanos, and use of an infinity stone, his "crimes" are small potatoes to him. He can't muster the energy to care.

Finally, Odin asks if there is anyone willing to speak in Loki's defense, or on his behalf in regards to his character or extenuating circumstances.

Thor, grief stricken and angry, looks away.

But from the crowd, someone does volunteer: Baldur. Not the wet blanket of the comics, but the closest thing Asgard has to a real lawyer, and someone who grew up with Loki. They have similar fighting styles, and spent a lot of time together as kids.

We get an inside look at Loki's head and discover that this (for reasons that will be revealed later) is, in Loki's opinion, the WORST turn of events. Loki despises Baldur. Baldur obviously does not share Loki's antipathy, and Loki hates him even more because he should.

Despite Loki being uncooperative, Baldur and Frigga argue for leniency.

The closest Loki comes to breaking his silence is when Frigga kneels before Odin to beg for her son's life.

It's granted. Loki is free within the realm of Asgard, but his magic is dampened by what's basically a magic handcuff.

And, because he refused to speak at his trial, he is forbidden by magic to speak within the realm of Asgard.

After this opening, we get into Loki's new life. He's shiftless, depressed, and doesn't want to be here.

He stays in his rooms for the most part. Frigga visits. Thor does not.

Eventually Loki's habits of wanting to get into everything slowly resurface. He's persona non grata in the court. People don't trust him, and mostly ignore him. The exception is Hodur, Baldur's brother, who really does hate Loki, and makes Loki's life miserable whenever possible.

It's not like Loki can say anything.

There is some recovery as Loki goes back to something he used to do as a boy --helping in the stables.

It's hard work that he's no longer used to. And the enchantments binding his words and his magic are affecting his health: he gets dizzy sometimes. A tremor in his hands.

It is a reason to haul himself out of bed at the same time every day.

It is a long winter caring for the horses. One of the mares has a difficult pregnancy, but under Loki's care, Ashes and Ember are born healthy, and spring comes.

Slowly, in small ways, Loki and the Warriors Three make amends, mostly through visits to the stables.

Loki and Thor's old friend and tutor Amora the Enchantress visits. She asks some very interesting questions about Loki's magic handcuffs. Namely, WTF --they are, apparently, pretty overkill --but also, eventually, about Loki's health.

Loki hasn't put much thought into it because his mental health has improved tremendously by not being in Thanos' direct thrall + regular work + a dose of silence being good medicine, but over spring, as people who were once prince Loki's friends become familiar with Loki the very good groom, it gets confirmed: he looks like shit. Is he sick?

It's not the handcuffs --they're only designed to suppress the wearer's magic. He could probably still shape-shift, Amora explains, but that wouldn't affect the cuffs.

Loki gives her a look. He never could shape-shift anyway.

Shape-shifting requires you to pass through your true shape each time, Amora explains. Loki the Asgardian can't shape shift. He already is shapeshifted. Loki the Jotunn could.

Loki's not too keen on this, to put it mildly. His head may be clearer but he still harbors a deep self hatred for being Jotunn. He was raised Asgardian, and the Aesir consider the Jotunn lesser at best, savage monsters at worst. Every day Loki lives he lives a lie, and it's not one of his choosing.

The symptoms Loki displays look more like...well they look like a blood curse of some kind, but that can't be right because if it's a blood curse it's older than Loki is and...blocked somehow, as if someone else is suffering part of it, or part of it has already been fulfilled.

Meanwhile, Thor is sick with guilt over having turned away from Loki --symbolically giving up on him during the trial. Especially now that he sees, from a distance, Loki's progress.

It drives home once again how thoughtless and self centered Thor has been over the ages, that it was Thor himself who was, directly and indirectly, telling Loki that his only value came from being prince and heir, that Loki the person wasn’t worth anything. So that when Loki realized he would inherit nothing and that he wasn't a prince of Asgard he lost his sense of self, and started scrabbling for things to make him worthy...much like Thor himself had

Sometime in this time, Thor finally puts together something that he noticed but didn't comprehend during Loki's trial: Baldur carries Mistilteinn.

When Mjolnir was made, a companion weapon was made for Loki: Mistilteinn, a dagger as well suited for Loki as Mjolnir was for Thor. Only Thor received a ceremony, but he'd never really noticed that Loki didn't carry the princely weapon he deserved. How did Baldur have it?

When Thor goes to find out, he catches Hodur harassing Loki. It's escalated, and Thor intervenes, bodily dragging Loki to the healers afterwards.

Why didn't he say anything? Thor wants to know.

Loki only gives him an ironic look. It's not like Loki could have. It's not like Thor would have cared.

Thor does. At one time it was Loki who rejected Thor. But what recent evidence does Loki have that Thor wouldn't reject him?

This is also where Thor realizes that Loki was acting under threat of torture just as much as willingly conquering Earth. Those burn marks weren't there before.

The story of Mistilteinn is this: the drinking at the ceremony celebrating Thor as crown prince got a little out of hand. Loki, pleased for Thor but still struggling with resentment and the blow at being...pretty much ignored even though part of the royal family, had reacted badly when his childhood companion Baldur had thought to console him.

Baldur asked for Mistilteinn, the weapon that had almost killed him, instead of publicly humiliating his friend, and never revealed what happened except to Odin and to his brother, who found him injured, alone, with Loki nowhere to be found. Loki took this as in deference to Thor's special day, and deeply resented it. Hodur held a grudge for Loki almost killing his brother.

Loki has a vision and comes to realize that Thanos can and probably will track him down for his failures, realizes that he does in fact care if Asgard gets flattened, shapeshifts into his Jotunn form and leaves Asgard for Jotunheim.

Loki reveals that the spell keeping him silent has worn off by whispering a goodbye before he slips through a gate in the world-tree's branches

Baldur reveals that he enchanted Mistilteinn in much the same way Mjolnir was: if Loki should voluntary bear the consequences of harm that he caused another and make amends, the dagger will return to it's rightful owner.

[lolmanthecat]

Chapter 1

As the mid-day's sun wanders onto her face a large groan echoes the corridor of the house.

"WHY ARE THE F***ING BLINDS..."

*CRUSH*

The bedside lamp got smashed onto the curtains of the window.

"where..." She looks around as the rooms is unfamiliar, as well as the pajamas she is wearing. A noise of approaching footsteps alerts her but an excruciating pain in her side prevented her to get out of bed.

"I liked that lamp, you know?" You sigh, "it was quite the gift I got."

Her eyes widen as she sees you.

"YOU! What did you do to me? Wait, did you... Ouch!" She reacts to her own pain, "did you change my clothes? You... You..."

The words stop coming to her as she is overcome by pain.

"oh yes of course, next time you come drunk to my place covered in your own blood, I'll put you in bed in your outside dirty and sweaty clothes. Better yet I'll leave you on my doorstep instead of bandaging your wounds."

She looks at her body. She didn't notice but under her clothes she was completely covered in bandages. It was kinda uncomfortable.

"I apologize if being naked in front of me is an offence on my part, but I was running out of options and you were losing a lot of blood."

"I.." she tries to say, but you don't let her.

"I'll let you know" you continue, "that I don't exactly get excited over unconscious women covered in blood. Even less if their life's calling is to make my life miserable. If all you can do is complain here, once you are fit enough to walk you are very welcomed to take your leave. Your costume is in the wardrobe, but since I couldn't fix it there are some clothes you can borrow. I hope you will give them back afterwards."

You put down mug of hot tea on the cupboard near the bed.

"here's some green tea, hopefully you won't hate it as the rest of your stay here. There are chocolate chip cookies and some shortbread biscuits. I thought you needed energy since you were out of it for three days."

She sits there dumbfounded. She cannot comprehend what has just happened.

"I..."

"if you want to attack me again, leave it to after you get better." You just want to get out of there as soon as possible.

"thank you." She says.

You stop. This wasn't expected. "Oh, don't worry too much. I'd expect you'd have done the same." You smile to her, "not that I know where you live or that you would be the first place I'd go to. Now rest. Let me know if you need anything, I'll be back after you finish your tea."

"I like green tea by the way." She smiles while taking a sip from the mug.

"Then there is more where that came from. I'll be in the living room."

You leave the room.

That was possibly the most stressful interaction you had with her ever.

Chapter 2

In the afternoon she started to bear the pain a bit better. This warrants exploration of this prison/medical ward.

Outside the room there's just a corridor. Two rooms to the left, and an open space living room and kitchen to the right.

You lock eyes with the heroine.

"the bathroom is the last door while the other is my bedroom and it would be nice if you didn't open it." You smile, "if you want to know what's for dinner, then you'll have to tell me if you have preferences of any kind. I was thinking of making some pasta with pesto to keep it simple, but if you find something you like in the fridge I can spice it up a little."

She looks at you.

"why are you so nice to me?"

"you are a wounded person needing care. What kind of human being would toss you away?"

"you? Since when do you care about others? You risked the deaths of so many people on a monthly basis over 2022! Why would a wounded person make any difference?"

"how many did I kill?"

"well none thanks to me!"

"well I need a failsafe to make it possible not to kill anyone in case things go wrong. Thanks to you all of my work and the side effects of it haven't caused any single death."

"well if you were to stop maybe I wouldn't have to run around protecting people and stopping you!"

"you are the failsafe to my work. If I were to stop now how would I be able to protect anyone when a real threat appears?"

"are you saying you used me?"

"well, i trusted you."

"not too much of a difference I'd say."

"why do you need to put everyone in danger all the time?"

"to be able to protect them when a threat will appear that you won't be able to stop."

Silence.

"you? Protecting people?"

You sigh.

"no, protecting you."

As a Villain, one night, someone knocks on your door, you open it and there she is, the most famous invulnerable heroine of the city, completely drunk and with many bruises, as soon as you realize who she is, she passes out into you arms.