#Idk man I'm thinking too much about this
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GODDAMMIT
#Yeah no I'm not beating the allegations EVER.#I CANT IM CRYING#Even my irl friends say “typical sin main” to me#IT'S FUNNY THO I'M NOT ACTUALLY MAD#It's just like so yk? Like “damn maybe I am just him”#And that's the reason i like him so much?#Idk man I'm thinking too much about this#just thunkin
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Even when you have a hard day just remember, Bucktommy "has anyone ever told you you're a vision in a cone?" will always be there. Tommy Kinard looked at his adorable boyfriend with a silly party hat on and thought Evan, you're beautiful, you're stunning, you're ravishing, you're a sight for sore eyes. I could never get tired of looking at you. I cherish you. There's nowhere I'd rather be than behind this couch at your side. And he was so real for that.
#needed to remind myself of this and infuse some joy into this wretched anniversary#at least it's almost over and tomorrow will be easier but man ever since 2018 my bday has inspired nothing so much as the belief that#Michael from The Good Place was right when he said birth is a curse and existence is prison like I'm always so depressed on this day#it's hard to look on the bright side when all I can think of is losing my boy 🥹 family tries to make me celebrate but I just want to mourn#what's that quote about grief being love persevering. I love you so much little mister I still think of you every day#it's just hard on this particular day because I still remember it all so clearly and it haunts me#a sweet Bucktommy crumb can be a nice distraction for a time though. Just like Unknown(nth) was when Hozier dropped it out of nowhere in '22#my kitty was called Oliver too not after OS but it is a nice connection that his work can cheer me a bit#ough. idk if anyone will see these tags but just in case I'll tag#pet death#animal death#to hopefully filter it out for anyone sorry to be all sad on my Bucktommy post I couldn't help it thinking of my boy all day needed to vent#and oh this needs actual tags#Bucktommy#911 spoilers#I hope I did those warning tags right idk if I should say “cw” or “tw” with them
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Jaiden: Cucurucho, you have a lot of power, right?
Cucurucho: ...I don't know. Maybe.
Roier: Ah... Yes, you know, don't act like a dumbass, you have it. You have it, man. Eh?
Jaiden: Is there a way for us to protect all the Eggs? Do you know? I don't want anything to happen to the Eggs that happened to Bobby.
Cucurucho: Ha ha ha
Roier: WHAT? [Smacks Cucurucho]
Jaiden: [Bops him] Headpats.
Cucurucho: Maybe.
Jaiden: [Continues to bop him] Headpats. C'mon, I can get it out of you! Headpats! Chin scratches! Belly rubs!
Roier: [Joins Jaiden in bopping Cucurucho, chuckling and laughs]
Jaiden: Yeah? He's comin' around!
[Jaiden and Roier both laugh]
#Jaiden Animations#Roier#Cucurucho#QSMP#Jaiden#Animations Family#There is. So much I could say about these three#and so much I could say about their relationship / interactions with Cucurucho and Osito Bimbo#Cards on the table... I really would have loved it if Cucurucho / Osito genuinely cared about Jaiden#I mean I know they DID care about her to some extent that much is clear#But they / the Federation were also ABSOLUTELY using her. I'm not arguing that they weren't#But how could anyone not be charmed by Jaiden? The boba the tea parties the head pats–#The empathy and kindness and everything that made q!Jaiden who she was–#Cucurucho and Osito were tools of the Federation but I do want to believe they cared about Jaiden. Albeit in their own fricked up way#I dunno. I know this sounds like massive copium probably but I watched all of her and Roier's streams interacting with them#and I personally think that conflict and duality makes for a more interesting story#But that's just me and my own personal biases. I dunno how to properly put it into words but I am cradling them all close to my heart#I loved Cucurucho / Osito and I thought they were interesting and I'm SO SAD we'll never know what Jaiden did for them in the past#Anyways. For anyone who's read this far into my rant– you know how Cucurucho saved the Eggs and Jaiden said she died in Purgatory?#I like imagining that she survived the bomb and wound up finding the Eggs in the aftermath#and she helped them survive until Cucurucho found them#I imagine that Jaiden was the reason they were able to escape from the Island / The Watcher / ElQuackity#She stayed behind to slow down their pursuers. And Cucurucho rescuing all the Eggs fulfilled his agreement with Jaiden—#A promise to protect the Eggs#Like I said a lot of this is copium but that's what I like imagining#TLDR: Cucurucho / Osito did care about her in a weird way but that doesn't mean they weren't manipulating her#May 31 2023#Idk man I got a lot of emotions about q!Jaiden#Roier too but I feel like I've done way more analysis posts about him and Cucurucho. Jaiden needs time in the spotlight#Anyways there's my monthly tag rant
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the synonym of companion is:
#spuffy#spuffyedit#buffysummersedit#spike btvs#btvs#btvsedit#buffy the vampire slayer#it's terribly simple#you know you want to dance#this edit came about because of that post that is linked and how it is SO painfully buffy and spike it makes me physically ill but also#because i paused chosen during the hand holding bit (As One Does) and i got it right before their hands light on fire as buffy's fingers#are curling around spike's palm and it made me feel. some kind of way. the moment before the magic when its just them#the whole ''i love you'' ''no you dont'' thing has been analyzed to DEATH but ive always taken it as them knowing they love each other#they know that. theyve been knowing that. they knew that yesterday. thats not what its about#buffy is saying ''i am here with you now in your last moments on this earth and i will not leave you''#and spike is saying ''i know. but you dont have to. so get your pretty ass out of here before the ceiling falls in''#buffy is telling him that she respects him as a man and he's telling her to respect his last wish (that she get out safely)#(i think he's also saying ''you dont have to say it if it doesnt come naturally. i can feel it i dont need to hear it from your lips'')#anyway!! thats just my Too Sense#idk if i'm entirely happy with this but ive spent too much time on it to not post it so. here ya go
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i've seen a fair amount of people that have a take that's something along the lines of "alden isn't abusive/toxic/a bad parent but i like exploring that in fic, so i often characterize him like that anyway" and i'm so curious as to why these people are not extending this same purposeful character assassination to other parents, like grady, or even kesler, and why it seems to be an only alden thing /gen
#if your answer is “kesler's just too good/pure of a dad” . . . idk man isn't that what you just said about alden. what makes HIM different#this is a genuine question. not trying to condescend. and so on#btw i'm someone that fully believes you have a right to assassinate a character as much as you want in fic to fit any scenario#it often doesn't feel like the character in canon anymore. but hey that's the point of fic. or something#getting back to the point. why is this something that happens at a far far higher rate with alden than it does with say. grady#or any other father really. i don't think i've ever seen tiergan or prentice mischaracterized so thoroughly in fic#kotlc#kotlc alden#alden vacker
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realized a drawing i'm doing rn is almost identically posed to one i did 8.5 years ago of a different oc, except the old drawing was instantly tainted by one of the players featured messaging me asking if i could take it down because their abusive, possessive rp partner saw it and got jealous of them "roleplaying behind their back" and i said "nah" and it became a whole Thing that i should have walked away from at that exact moment but didn't and the 6 months that followed contained some of the most truly condensed batshit i have ever witnessed in an rp community already well-known for its batshittery.
... anyway i love my friends. so happy to accidentally redeem the pose.
#idk if ill ever open up completely about that shitshow but#i think 8 years is past the statute of limitations to vaguepost about it#late tag addition but man now i'm thinking about it all at 4am#how did in the good goddamn did i witness that and still not only let them make me an officer#but also let them put me functionally in charge of their guild IC#while those two fucked off and erped in instanced zones or played overwatch#and i and my then-rp-partner took the heat for the meandering plotline#until my partner vented to the wrong person about the abuse#and it got back to them#and we got to experience the surreality of an honest to god guild coup#all to salvage the image of some egomaniac abuser#certified fucking wra moment#its been 8 years and thinking about how i was treated in the end makes me feel sick lol#they made a new guild discord and invited everyone but us#and when i noticed the channel had gone quiet i asked what was up#and was met with gaslighting about how i'm 'thinking too much' about the channel being a 'little slow'#and it took pushing to get an early admission of what was about to happen#so we logged on and quit ourselves#which fucked up the narrative they had constructed#and they lied in the new channel that WE were the ones doing a 'coup' and that we stole the members who left with us#i guess i am opening up after all#i had to play the fucking villain of that scenario for the past 8 years#all to protect the mental health of people who hurt me#why#if you were there and know what i'm referencing with all of this... there's the fucking story#the person in question is a massively popular artist#i just dont have it in me to fight that fight
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It's interesting to think about Master and Commander because it was clearly meant to work as a standalone book, which gives it a lot of curious little features when you compare it to later books, but none more than the fact that James Dillon was literally like a third main character there, and he brings out very specific dynamics with Jack and Stephen which none of the later books can ever quite get at. Like I genuinely believe that if there had not been a series, Dillon would have been a central character to all of our discussions, but as it is he's sort of faded into obscurity. Which is a shame, because he's really interesting, and one of the aspects of that book which is so fascinating is him and Stephen dealing with the fallout of the failed Irish Rebellion—the where-do-we-go-from-here, the fact that both of them are so completely politically incompatable in all other ways and now there's nothing to unite them, Stephen's idealism crashing into semi-ambivalence versus Dillon's fierce and continued belief (which is an interesting role reversal given their political stances otherwise), the weird camaraderie/animosity that exists between them, and so on—and I think that we never really get anyone who forces Stephen to be that politically nuanced again. Like I think Patrick O'Brian tries to nuance him but there's no character that ever really puts him through his paces in the same way, and honestly every time I think about that I get a bit sad.
#or perhaps i have spent too much time thinking about this book and the character dynamics therein#but idk man. their dynamic fascinates me there's so much there#aubreyad#perce rambles#also the brutal historical dramatic irony of the fact that we the readers know that ireland won't be free for another hundred years#but that's a whole nother can of worms which we don't have time to get into rn#this was sitting in the drafts but it's good so i'm posting it#The Creative Endeavor and other aubreyad nonsense
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I've read a few fics where Something Happens (Tim accidentally kills someone) and Tim calls one of his older brothers and they come and help him cover up/hide a body but like,, if Damian killed someone (accidentally or otherwise) Tim would not even hesitate that body is already melting in acid. He has crime scene cleaners on retainer and enough blackmail that they'll never say anything.
Tim has like 7 contingency plans for this Exact problem and he is going to do his big brotherly duty of helping his younger sibling cover up a mistake/laps of judgement.
And Damian is waiting for the other shoe to drop bc this is the perfect time for Timothy to oust him. He broke father's rule and now he'll be sent back
But Tim continues to say nothing and eventually even corners Damian and is like "bestie you gotta c h i l l they know somethings up I can't keep using puberty as an excuse for you" and Damian is like "why wouldn't you use this opportunity to prove you're the better son. To finally get me out of the house and claim your place is the heir" and Tim is like "uh im your older brother this is my job" and Damian is like "it is an older brother's job to help hide their younger sibling's murders??" And Tim is like "yeah absolutely except don't go to Dick or Jason only go to me or maybe Cass if I'm not around I think Dick would have a conniption and we don't want Jason to relapse"
#ted talks#batfam#Tim's idolized version of an older brother is someone who helps you with everything#and takes the fall for you and covers for you from your parents and that's all he wanted growing up#The stress of lying to their father and having to deal with a dead body would be too much for Dick#He could do it but he'd get some early grey hairs for his troubles#the man is stressed enough as is#tim drake#damian wayne#batman#via quadrant advisor:#if any of the other siblings found out they really would be like “you hid a dead body?????? without ME?????????”#Like especially Dick#everybody's like “DONT TELL DICK ABOUT THIS” (because the fact that we arent telling bruce goes unsaid)#and then Dick is like “👉👈 you dont trust me? Your big brother? 🥺 idk why everyone thinks I'm a narc”#quadrantadvisor
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With today's entry, I was rather surprised and confused that Johnathan seemed to turn around so quickly from the absolute pit of despair he was in yesterday, having newfound determination and energy when he's seemingly been completely hopeless and inactive for weeks now (and for good reason). Not that I ever thought he'd completely given up, but there's definitely been a slow decline in how descriptive his journal entries have been to reflect his declining mental state (more robotic, less of his actual feelings about things), and today was a sharp contrast; it feels more like the early entries again. I thought, well, his mind is probably just so cracked at this point that he's looped all the way back around to being bold and energetic again, because by now he's desperate enough to throw caution to the wind: he either succeeds doing something extremely reckless to escape, or he fails and meets his end in a far better way than if he just waits for his fate by Dracula's hands.
...But having thought about it and reading other posts, I realized (probably stupidly obvious as it is) that his sudden change in mood probably has to do with what happened to the baby. Despite how scared he's been all this time, yesterday he didn't hesitate for a single second to try to save the baby once he realized from the previous incident what was happening, not thinking about his own life at all. And then he despaired when he couldn't save the child, the first time he's mentioned crying in the book at all, and then he had to witness the mother blaming him for her baby's death, and being killed herself for trying to rescue it. Now, the day after that horrific and heartbreaking failure, he's suddenly more determined than he's been in ages to escape. Maybe that was a turning point for Johnathan, and lit a fire under him... maybe he's clinging to the need to escape not just for himself and the people he loves anymore, but for the vain hope that he can put a stop to Dracula's schemes somehow once he gets out, because he doesn't want to let any more children die :' )
#dracula#dracula daily#i'm a new reader so idk how much this is going into headcanon territory or will be backed up later#but i wonder if johnathan feels protective of children because he and mina want kids#i mean he's a good and sweet man so i'm sure he would react the same regardless even if he didn't have a fiance#but if he's planning to one day become a father i'm sure that makes his feelings even stronger :')#he hears those babies crying and thinks about if those had been his and mina's future children. man.#i'm sure that would have made him empathize with the mother even more too; if mina wants to have a child..........#ahhhhhhh i've made myself sad. yesterday's and today's part just made me so sad 😭💔#johnathan you're so good and brave 😭 you're doing your best 😭 it'll be okay in the end 😭#oops i projected paternal instincts onto a soft male blorbo again-#okay but now i need an au where by some miracle he manages to abscond with a baby dracula brings to be killed and it's just#Johnathan And Baby Against The World (vampire)#does that exist. please tell me johnathan and kids content exist cause 🥹🥹🥹#idk how it would work but thinking about it makes me emotional lol :' )
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So like we all know that ninjago pulls inspiration from other Asian cultures not just Japanese culture right?
Well does this apply to only ninjago? (Like the realm not the show)
We don't really see much of the other realms but are they also solely based on asian cultures or are they free to pull from any culture
#idk how places like the realm of madness or the mother garden would fit in this asian inspiration talk#like oh yea this generic rocky terrain n generic forest is so asian inspired#is the mother garden even it's own realm or just an area in another realm like the land of lost things#started thinking about this cause i was thinking about how sora n arin are nased in more east Asian cultures#while euphrasia is in a more southwest asian culture (in MY headcanon)#but then i thought wait a minute is imperium even based on any asian cultures?#idk maybe I'm just ignorant#man I'm thinking too much i hurt my brain i should stop thinking#ninjago#ninjago dragons rising
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Leonardo: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I mean, le Comte is walking in this room.
MC: *wheeze*
#ikevamp#ikemen vampire#ikevamp leonardo#ikevamp leo#ikevamp comte#ikevamp saint germain#ikevamp mc#back at it again with the pureblood on pureblood violence#truly these jokes never age a day (at least for me)#you see what i did there#although i think the funniest thing about this one is that comte would be so 'ha h a leonardo very funny >:/'#and then he's just drinking in the parlor room asking sebas is he's too old and boring for mc#and sebas naturally interested in stirring the pot is like#'idk if you ask me you don't look a day over 300'#needless to say the man needed pats from mc afterwards#man im dying all i imagine is comte just 'no talk me i'm angy' in a corner of the balcony#lowkey want to write this now--i might in fact#unauthorized bullying of comte will not be tolerated (unless i find it hilarious like i do in this case)#also funny because leonardo isnt much younger--not that that would ever stop him#ikevamp incorrect quotes
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I feel bad for Starlo.
Star has a point, idk what the four were ticked off about, there is like 99% chance everyone willingly participated in the trolley problem, based on what we've seen of his behavior thus far it's not like Starlo to be that big of a jerk/drag them by force/yell at them to do it. Ed's words:
he does it because Star asks NICELY
clearly jealous
It genuinely seemed like a fun time/fun roleplay, especially since every day is the same. Like, the five are supposed to be a rowdy and adventures bunch, what exactly did Starlo do wrong, I'm genuinely confused and curious. Except taking a big liking in Clover (his posse should know that this is a big moment for him, according to Blackjack they've known each other since high school and had the same liking for westerns. So they were basically a nerd gang.) Starlo was kind, patient and considerate towards Clover the whole time, even warned Mooch about them not being bandits, taught Clover gun safety, wanted to bring his posse along for a fun time, thanked Ace for telling him about getting Clover a new hat...
Sure, at first he only liked Clover for being a human, but as Ceroba says, that changed and he grew to genuinely care about them, plus I can't help but think Star saw himself in Clover and that's part of the reason he was so proud of them all the time even when they messed up (I'll talk more about this at some point)
What exactly made Ace want to leave the gang? He even said how he doesn't mind "getting run over by the fake train"
he's so nice. says sorry for forgetting the safety goggles even when he was scatterbrained due to his excitement. I love him so much
The only real "faults" (I'll call them temporary faults) I saw in Star during the Wild East section was that he was even more enthusiastic and more proud than usual. But how couldn't he be when he met a member of the species that he has admired for so long because they have real cowboys and sheriffs on the surface (who are seen as brave heroes who deliver justice, while Star canonically feels like a nobody farmer). His posse should have realized Clover wouldn't be there forever and just let their boss enjoy himself with his "deputy who'd have to leave sooner or later anyway"(or be more patient with him/ask him why he feels this strongly towards Clover/if there's a deeper reason for that). His friends including Ceroba just turn their back on him so quickly instead. The moment he's gotten the chance to feel valued for once and put himself first and not have to take care of this whole town and everyone in it and live his dream of meeting a real human, suddenly "his personality is damaged?"
Star's literally built this whole town, organised everything, he worries about everyone, Ceroba (plus was the one to give her emotional strength before and after Clover's sacrifice), Kanako, the monsters, his family, struggles with feelings of worthlessness yet never wipes that smile off his face, always does his best to be hopeful and optimistic and make others laugh, gave his posse a nap time so they don't become exhausted, gave Ceroba a free home, didn't act upon his feelings towards her and was a 110% supportive, caring friend instead. THAT'S who he is. He's the papa bear of this friend group, the glue holding everyone together.
He was just *really* excited. Y'all know he's insecure and just wishes to escape who he is and yet y'all blame him for liking Clover so much. Yeah, the four are very clearly jealous. But why won't the four of you control your feelings for a while? As mentioned, Clover WILL HAVE TO LEAVE EVENTUALLY. They won't be Star's "deputy" forever (the kid who's just as into westerns as he is, who values justice just as much, who also values doing the right thing. Someone he clearly felt understood in the presence of, whom he loved; just look at the way he talks about Clove during Showdown). Star seems genuinely confused of what he did wrong poor guy just wanted to live his fantasy for once and feel important:
Even at the beginning Moray's like "oh no Martlet is upset" Mooch replies "don't be a buzzkill nothing exciting ever happens around here" and Ray's like "Yeah you've got a point"
If you all agreed to have a little fun with a human who will very soon leave forever why is Starlo's enthusiasm such a big problem? If the posse weren't into this after all (unless they were simply too jealous which could have been solved with a honest talk and a little patience) why are you doing this "rowdy" job with Star in the first place? Do you want your boring routine day to day life so much back? Or just for Clover to leave (which they will soon enough)? You, western enthusiasts, literally met a real human, A HUMAN FROM WESTERNS YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE PASSIONATELY INTO (clearly not as passionate as Star but passionate ENOUGH to understand where he's coming from).
... okay.
#Like idk if I'm being biased because Star is my favorite character but I kinda just started thinking more and more about this and... yeesh.#Felt like a BIT of an overreaction to blame Starlo this much#No wonder he cracked#and unlike with Ceroba we actually see him do his very best to “fix” what he did “wrong”#i feel so much sympathy for this guy man#WAY more than for Ceroba#sorry fox lady#uty#undertale yellow#starlo uty#uty starlo#like dude literally had to come crawling on his hands and knees for them to forgive him#what “loyal” “supportive” friends they all are#sobbing for star#poor poor man#meanwhile everyone forgave ceroba for much much MUCH worse#she didn't need to burst into tears and beg for forgiveness even though she SHOULD have#everyone forgives her immediately on the spot + she gets a hug from clover#I'm sorry Starlo#like how was he “selfish” and “reckless”#he did something for himself for the 1st time in his life#y'all are reckless too btw#you put yourself first ONCE and they call you selfish#Star had the right to be mad at them for attacking Clover for no reason other than jealousy#wdym he's throwing you around for human business you literally wanted this#he watched the tapes more than 50 times bc that's how much he hates himself#and yet he's still been doing EVERYTHING in his power to be there for EVERYBODY
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Okay I said it B4 but I'll say it again it's insane everyone's on Curly's cock when he very much knew what Jimmy was doing to Anya and all he did was give him a little slap on the wrist. Like his ass did not take responsibility. His ass didn't protect the crew. His ass did nothing and this is his fault as much as it is Jimmy's. And it's Anya always who gets the short end of the stick because the choices of other men. Like god. Everyone in that ship is going to helllll
#luly talks#I'd chew on swansea too but I don't have solid bullets#so I'll use rubber ones but like. boy you're so much but I'm#see the issue w swansea is that he's a fucking idiot actually. an utterly emotionally repressed.#but also he does Not respect women. he doesn't respect men either. I think he doesn't even respect himself#i cannot tell what his bond w Anya was or what he'd have possibly told her. but it's still sick he never tried to#do something.#like the only other person he gave a shit about was daisuke and Daisuke idk if he ever knew anything that's going on#my man on a different genre#but it's so sick everyone failed her all these people SUCK#oh yeah also swansea abandoned his wife and children that did happen#he's like el viejo by la vela puerca#mouthwashing
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do you ever sit and think about everything that is happening to you and what you need to do and what you want to do and you're sitting motionless completely locked into your brain and it all goes nowhere but it's filling you to the point of overload
yeah anyways
#i have so many thoughts#please i'm going to implode#there's so many things i need to do for school#i'm also plotting 3 fics in my brain#there's a fic i wish i was writing currently#there's a fic i am currently editing because i want to#i've got work tomorrow and i'm trying to plan my homework around my shift#idk man i kind of feel like too much and yet i'm doing nothing???#not really a vent but just in case#vent#naff nuh huh#just thinking too much#about blorbos and writing
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they are going to mehnahnaroo
#my art#mission to zyxx#C-53#pleck decksetter#dar mtz#ok time for some of my appearance headcanons#i was just gonna give c little dot eyes but i was goofing around with the doodle#and i was like. oh actually little light up ocular sensors that look like 👁️👁️ are kinda funny#i'm kinda trying to hit the space where the juck bot frame could conceivably have the same inner workings as the c frame#but it's got more like. idk plating and synthetic skin and stuff#i also think that ideally this type of frame is supposed to be more fully covered? with skin. less visible joints#and is supposed to have a cooler better looking face#but they got it at a discount store that sorta refurbished it juuuuuuust well enough to sell#they also mention in the show that the eyes glow and the jaw comes off#if there were any other details i forgot about them#i like tellurians to be Pretty Much Human#but I do like the pointy ears interpretation for one main reason:#i can put perfect little pointy ones on tellurians that are the Standard for good looks (rolphus etc.)#and give pleck ones that are slightly larger and a little bent. i just think that's fun#i'm also a short pleck truther and do not believe he is skinny. that man is at least midsized. actually probably just midsized#cause if he were too big he would be too cool#ohh and first time drawing the k'hekk eye yayyyy. it should probably be nastier but i can only do so much#dar i really imagine round cause it's like the classic Big Guy shape and they have no bones in their head so it can't be that structured#bodywise my design is def inspired by tikkitronictonic and snuffysbox's designs#i was at a total loss on how to interpret the talons and chutes and flaps when I was listening and this is easy and smooth#maybe the only major difference is that i imagine dar is pretty hygienic and furry scales feel like they'd be hard to keep clean#with all the uh. goings on#so i've got those across the chest and arms and then the torso is smoother in my mind#also ik dar is supposed to be like twice pleck's size but it's hard to stand these people next to each other#my brother said they made up a thing called mass shifting in transformers g1 to excuse the scale issues. so i'll do it too. get off my case
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Amateur Hour but I gotta outsource this. Aromantics. Heed my call. What is "romantic" love to a non-believer?
Bonus Round if you're not entirely ace -- does experiencing any amount of sexual attraction influence your answer? Also acknowledging that both aro/ace identities exist on a spectrum. Believe me. I am deeply familiar... with so many kinds of spectrums........... 🧍
Also if this breaches containment It's Not That Serious........... just a personal question. For a friend. Me 🙂↕️
#was so tempted to put 'sometimes 'love' is just autistic obsession' as an answer bc on god#i do think that's a factor for me. like. espppppp in moe's case. moe is just Obsessed w alfonse.#extremely weird about him constantly studying him. like. it does feel like love... the intensity of it..... but.#both me and moe. most romance repulsed motherfuckers out there.#like. like. not to get too personal but the one relationship i did have. i genuinely felt i loved him#but i also think. so much of it was me reflecting what i Think love was 'supposed' to look like.#most importantly he was my best friend (at the time). and i def did feel differently about him than i did anyone else/even other friends#which is why i'm so conflicted... like half i did genuinely love him half i've never been able to love correctly#and it's always taken some level of putting on a performance according to what i see to 'perform' love#like. like. am i just autistic. does it just come down to the autism again.#but also esp nowadays like. back on my bullshit. i actually ALWAYS hesitate to call whatever moe has w alfonse 'romantic'#like. i think he does feel/experience romantic feelings. but moe is just so dysfunctional and messy#that like. i don't think it would call anything it feels about alfonse romance.#but it still completely adores him. in a way that's distinct from how it loves sharena and how it feels about anyone else.#even charas it admires. somehow. which honestly jusy leads me back to The Obsession again#also extremely focal is how the demisexuality kicks in. like. it's definitely not devoid of sexuality.#IDK IDK I'M TALKING TOO MUCH I'VE TALKED TOO MUCH AND I'M SO TIRED. I'VE BEEN SO TIRED#i'm not in my feelings honestly i'm just frustrated LMFAOOO LIKE. SCREAMING. WHY DOESN'T IT MAKE SENSE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥#why am i preordained by fate to never be loved OR understood. wjat the hell man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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