#ITS NOT LIKE SHE DOESNT HAVE FRIENDS THERE EITHER SHE DOES
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velvetvexations · 3 days ago
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Ive seen at least two responses to your antigonism post saying that the word would be divisive because “transfems who are normal about transmascs are the norm” and I really truly do believe that’s probably the case but at the same time it personally feels a little dismissive?? I cant speak for all trans people obviously but I know A LOT of trans people, basically everyone in my life is trans- my blood sibling, all of my friends, my 2 girlfriends (im poly) I am regularly in contact with other trans people/trans communities in several cities across my state, and for me it really does not feel like its a “small vocal minority” of transfems who hold anti transmasculine and exorsexist beliefs.
I want to make it clear I absolutely love the transfems in my community, they are my dearest friends, and I deeply treasure our relationships; but absolutely every one of them that I have gotten close to has ended up saying something to me that made me feel really weird. They either mention something about how transmascs have it easier/transfems have it the worst, or they feel the need to gatekeep things from other trans people& borderline accuse other trans people/intersex people of copying transfems, or they joke and complain about “theyfabs” or justify the use of the term (both of my gfs did this- mind you I was afab and exclusively use they/them pronouns), or they invalidate feminine transmasc and afab enby people (again something both of my gfs did despite me being genderfluid and sometimes presenting feminine).
And thats just some of the things Ive experienced IRL in my own home and within my own communities! If I were to start listing my experiences online Id be here all night!! I honestly want to go on about the shit I see online but I dont have the energy for it- but when I see exorsexist or anti trans masculinity coming from transfems (and self proclaimed tmes) online, the comments/notes/whatever is always filled with sometimes hundreds of other trans people agreeing and venting their own frustrations about “tmes” and it just. Again doesnt FEEL like its a minority. You are literally one of the only TWO transfems I know who makes content actively CONSISTENTLY standing up for transmascs and pushing back against anti trans masculinity. Its not that I think its transfems job to dismantle anti trans masculinity but the ratio of transfems who complain about tmes vs ones who actively push back against that rhetoric feels so disproportionate to how often I see transmasc and afab enbies pushback against trans misogyny and the exclusion of transfems in queer spaces.
This turned into a very long winded vent and Im kinda struggling to conclude my point but i guess I wish it felt like more people cared to pushback against TIRFism. It just feels kinda dismissive to hear people say that transmascs who are hesitant to interact w trans communities just need to touch grass or whatever when in my personal experience it feels like I cannot escape anti trasmasculinity or exorsexism in every trans space I am apart of. Kinda blanking on how to end this ask i hope any of this is coherent.
I wanna emphasize again that the person I responded to specifically was really cool and my emotions in this post are not directed at them
Recently someone said it was "easy to forget most trans women are normal about trans men," and I was scolded because me not thinking that was horribly transmisogynistic was apparently a sign I'd lowered my standards as a trans woman because I'm too discourse poisoned, so now I'm even more self-conscious that people will start to see me that way no matter how much I try to insist over and over that TRFs are a vocal minority.
Meanwhile I continue to get asks calling me a pickme and comparing me to Blair White. I continue to have ten people respond to my every reply going "don't listen to Velvet she's crazy and hates trans women!!!!!".
So yeah. It is, actually, easy to forget that sometimes.
Especially since I'm stuck in a tiny southern town without even the option to make use of what meager community exists in the area because there's no one to drive me several hours to the state capital for their annual Pride stuff. I can't just go outside and be gal pals with all the vast numberless hordes of Normal trans women. I would be shocked beyond fucking belief if I saw two gay cis men in my fucking zip code. With my personal situation I can't even be social with cishet people anyway, let alone other queers, let alone all the trans women others perceive as Normal because they've knowingly been in the physical presence of another trans person a single time in their life and have the option of making that happen when they want it to.
Thank you for the support, anon.
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faggotwalkwithme · 6 months ago
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ughh
#i wish my mum would understand that this is my last summer break with my parents#which means if im ever going to go to the us its now#cuz im not going to go to that country by myself at least not for a long time#and that i want to see my friends especially 2 of them#like these guys have been my best friends for years i love them i want to see them#she doesn't understand of course cuz she's always had lots of friends and she always sees them all regularly#but this is my last chance#she acts like theres going to be nothing to do there for her#like dude the us is a huge holiday destination theres tons to do there#oh ok now shes complaining about my cat#respectfully.shut up#ALSO back to the us thing shes always wanted to go!#i remember her always talking about cities she wanted to go to there and we'd literally be going to those cities#but now that i want to go there. noooo its too farr its too dangerouss its too boring#you can stay home idc i want to see my friends#my dad wants to see his friends#ITS NOT LIKE SHE DOESNT HAVE FRIENDS THERE EITHER SHE DOES#SHE LITERALLY HAS SO MANY FRIENDS THERE#shut up mars#tbh i just wish i knew if we were going or not#so i don't plan and plan and plan and gets my hopes up for nothing#i understand her not wanting to be there i too am terrified of the fucking laws there#and the racism.especially#but the states we'd be going to are progressive states#and we'd be with local friends pretty much the whole time#we wouldn't even be in the us the whole time we'd be in canada for a good chunk of it
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starry-bi-sky · 14 days ago
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mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.
now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.
He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.
(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)
The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.
The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.
And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.
(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)
The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.
anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)
#mxtx svsss#svsss au#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#luo binghe#disciple shen yuan#scum villain#svsss#*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival#and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst#he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna#see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i#*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM#i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways#so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt#revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about#demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he#couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss#this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on#his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]
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faaun · 8 months ago
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lmao looking at her insta highlights was a mistake
#i feel worse WHY DOES SHE HAVE TONED MUSCLES UGHHH#also my confidence has gone down a tiny bit bc why is she hanging out w all these cool ppl#how is this girl simultaneously a lawyer and also has her social life on max like give me a break#thered a photo of her walking around in heaven either before closing or after opening shes sooo#HOWEVER. i just had a call w her yesterday that made me realise my idea of romance is more romantic than her idea of romance#but also that she doesnt want to do smth super romancey on a 3rd date which according to my friends is fair but according to my heart#it is not. like why are u on a date if u dont wanna do anything romancey at that point just hang out w friends#odd of her to say that too considering our first two dated were quite romantic . anyway#yo this cafe is playing persian music nice. anyway yh#also she makes being middle eastern so gay yk the goodbye fake cheek kiss thing we do . where u like . kiss the air on the sides of the#persons face when ur saying goodbye. ygwim . yeah she doesnt do the fake air kisses she gives u two tender kisses like . anyway#i discussed the stuff she does w my friend and like why r her words so aloof and her actions so...not . and my friends reaction was#basically this is fuckboy behaviour. apparently he used to do that to girls ?? like tell them he rly liked them#and be all charming and romantic even tho he rly wasnt invested at all and he mostly wanted to hook up. like ok#im gonna kill myself then. why would u stroke my hair w my head on ur LAP THEN. WHAT IF SHE TURNS AROUND AND IS LIKE#oops it was nothing#....ill kms actually. no i womt. but anyway#also got added to the gc w the other lecturers givjng talks on the 6th so its getting more real#my friend was like did u do the script yet :))) . almost died shes so scary i love her . but . fuck two exams . crush. talk. ucl cambrdige#three conferences aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA im so anxious i dont even feel anything atp#......I HAVE NO MONEY!!! TO TOP IT OFF#my crush and i are both iranian (aka born w extremely expensive taste woven into our genes) but i wanna like#treat her w the entire 2 quid in my bank account ig ♡♡♡#crushposting
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dreampearls · 9 months ago
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colleis personality functionally being left to the ether because her webtoon iteration is at such fundamental odds with her game iteration that any attempts to temper between the two just range so dramatically
#each collei is a beautiful macrocosmic specimen to be analyzed in its own right#i do think the best and most canon-adherent way to reconcile between the two though is to recognize her emulation of amber#in both personality and appearance#as pretty much an explicitly canon thing if albeit exclusive to the game#& while i think it was meant to be a like. cute moeblob marketing strat and not a genuine extension of how she might develop#post black fire incident#it does tie really well into the webtoon establishing collei's fundamental lack of self identity & her pathological need to assume a Role#as per lee @haidengjie's dissertation: shes always either the unclean or the plague or the villain. shes never just collei#the last time she was seen as purely just Collei was also the last time she ever heard her mothers voice....#and ever since she has been denied the opportunity to exist even as a person w basic human rights#shes never been allowed to be simply just a child let alone herself#amber befriending collei for who she is & demonstrating she sees her more than just some street rat (who had KILLED TWO DIPLOMATIC ENVOYS#NONETHELESS) & insisting she would never abandon her#just changed. everything. for the first time there was no role to play no stage no script#the curtains fell... god i still love that scene Collei is just trying so hard to play the villain and amber obstinately refuses to let her#insisting that they are both friends and equals and wholeheartedly believing in collei's capacity for good and kindness#ITS SOOO INTERESTING BECAUSE OF COURSE AS SOON AS COLLEI LEARNS SHE DOESNT HAVE TO PLAY A ROLE#SHE'LL STILL SCRAMBLE NONETHELESS FOR A NEW ONE BECAUSE ITS ALL SHES EVER KNOWN#SO OF COURSE SHE WOULD TAKE UP THE ROLE OF AMBER!!!!!!! *WALKSINTO A LARGE PIT#god im still upset about windblume though they contextualized her amber roleplay as a coping mechanism#not for her identity issues or general ptsd but instead this like. palatable relatable version of social anxiety#which dont get me wrong i do adore and relate to that aspect of colleis character a lot but its coming from a framework that completely#disregards her personality from her source material and it really just feels like a flanderization to appear more marketable#Okay i have homeowrk to do byebye
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hollowfairybabybat · 14 days ago
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one thing about me is if i find it funny i will fully commit to a bit idc
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wheelercore · 1 month ago
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Constantly thinking abour karen wheeler btw but in a way that makes everyone here super madsies
#my problem is that when ppl say they like their female characters problematic they mean#'i want them to have flaws that i can blame on the nearest male character' and tbh thatd so boring and also. pretty infantilizing?#tbh to the point where its like do you guys even get karens character or. anyways.#like So Many Thoughts#like shes either the narc emotionally abusive mother or a victimized angel 🥺🥺🥺 neither of which is true btw#im so pretentious i like to think that i get where karen fits in the fabric of st's themes#i think positioning her as a 'freak' kind of defeats that? bc karen to me always seemed like the opposite#shes attrative skinny formerly a cheerleader charismatic white and suburban. shes literally a white boomer named karen.#all of that is complicated by the fact that shes also a woman who was raised in the veryyy conservativ era of the 50s#shes very much someone who is smart but also follows the tides and only really rebels when its the popular counter culture to do#like her at the pool in s3 with all her other housewife friends#and its like so easy to get what ppl say about her mothering skills but it often gets pushed into very black and white discourse#like karen obviously cares about her kids but its a case of actions mattering more than words and performance#like karen will TELL mike that she wants him to talk to her and shell hug him when shes supposed to (performance) but when mike had symptoms#of ptsd? karen punishes him. but also ptsd was not super well known back then#but what im saying is that karen PERFORMS but is she actually a safe person to go to? i think thats what her arc is about#like thats why the mikekaren hug at the end of s4 was important bc not only does she hug him hut she also makes it clear she doesnt want to#lose him#its that reassurance after a traumatizing event from a parent that kids and teens need!#i think karen does what she thinks she is supposed to do but also i think shes the typical white boomer who lacks a lot of self awareness#in how she treats ppl#doesnt make her a bad person. honestly i think shes a good person#i think when all characters are humanized and flawed what separates a good person from a bad person in st#is whether they like to inflict pain (like brenner) or if theyre just a flawed human beings (good but nuanced)#girl whos been thinking abt karen all day <- me
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sethdomain · 1 year ago
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this would've been me if i was not raised with my mother and father
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#ignorelist#☺️☺️☺️#I have been contemplating#you know#maybe its NICE to have a parent that fucking cares about you emotionally and cares about you as a person#maybe i want parent that fucking give me rules#maybe i want my parent to care more about me#but of course#the staple of phraud family is always how fucking UNCARING and APATHETHIC they can fucking be#when did anyone in this numbhole fucking care#we are too buried in our business to even know or understood each other#we were never ever fucking close ever#i dont even know what my sister or brother fucking like#and we as family also never even fucking know each other as a person#do my mom know what my sister fucking likes? No she fucking dont#does my sister know what i like? no she doesnt#AND I DONT EITHER#maybe this family was by design is cruel and uncaring#but idc lalalala i have other relatives that i fucking care more anyway and they also care for me#All i need nnow is just IRL friend that is fucking active and not a fucking slob that doesnt want to go outside :/ and maybe i can cope#being in this brain dead family#yk ironically my aunt pay attention to what i want more than my mom :x#like dont get me wrong im grateful for the thing she buys for me but she always are#ccontrolling.... on what i should be as a person#If i want a clothe she will pick one out for me and its the very style i fucking hate even though i already told her i do not like that sty#if i want things for me and for what i want its always what SHE wants#its probably the very reason on why i dont want to buy clothe with her ever...Or buy clothe
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transmaverique · 6 months ago
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gonna be honest I see anyone talking about this "my gender is more complicated than yours" shit as someone who genuinely cannot comprehend that other people that don't share certain traits with them can still in fact have rich interior lives. as an agender trans woman who uses she/her I've never had anyone say it to me who wasn't (usually unknowingly) transmisogynistic
see but im not talking about "rich interior lives" and the assumption that i am is exactly what im talking about. i am talking about the actual physical way that reality treats and percieves me in comparison to the way it treats and percieves you. saying my gender is "more complex" means to me that i am physically incapable of existing in a strictly binary world and that there is no thing i can pass as bc "binary man" and "binary woman" are both incorrect for me. and the Cisiety in question does not allow androgyny to exist - it is exclusively the timeframe people have to decide whether they think you are a cisman or a ciswoman, or a failure and a freak. i dont subscribe to that "binary privilege" shit, thats not how privilege works. but there are differences in the ways both you and i can navigate this strictly binary Cisiety!!! and those differences deserve to be named, imo
like. again. i dont have to comfort you about your own internal sense of gender before youll listen to me about my experiences in the real world as genderqueer. as a different sort of transsexual than you.
(and bc i Know what binary ppl love to say: i know not everyone is 'capable of passing'. what i am talking about specifically is the difference between being unable to pass as a cis woman or a cis man vs being unable to pass bc what i am does not exist AT ALL in a binary society, and both of those things are incorrect ans unattainable.)
(anyways if that language is too imperfect for you thats like fine but. its just confusing to me, i dont get why its hard to understand what we are talking about here. our experiences w our nonbinary genders are completely different! why do i have to discuss them like theyre the same?)
#do you consider yourself transfem first or agender first on an internal level?#do you feel like you are predominantly treated as a trans woman in your day to day? does that hurt the part of you that is agender?#< not trying to grill u or anything im genuinely curious#ive had similar convos w my transmasc and transfem nonbinary friends as well as like. my gnc binary trans friends#i am just curious bc. like i said 'binary' isnt a bad thing to be and frankly since u identify urself as agender ur not really the target a#dience here anyways?#the idea that theres no such thing as a binary trans person just#fundamentally misunderstands the extremely broad swathe of nonbinary experiences and treatments#my passing transmasc enby friends dont particularly feel touched by transphobia unless theyre clocked or unless our areas laws changed#but some DO feel like they r effected by exorsexism on a day to day by being assumed to be binary men and having the other parts of their i#entities erased#while others are completely comfortable being percieved as strictly men and moving through life strictly as men#which is sounds like. i would guess youd have a similar position since u exclusively use she/her?#like.. it sounds to me like your 'rich interior life' doesnt really have an outward effect on the way people percieve and treat you and the#way you react to it which is very different from my experience#binary doesnt mean your gender is 'simple' it just means that you are comfortable within a binary system even of you dont personally identi#y with it. and maybe this is a case of 'political identity vs personal identity'??#and all of this is FINE its just. literally every time i talk about my own unique positioning my transandrogyny or whatever gives me#people crawl out of the woodwork to tell me my experiences are not actually unique#do u see what my issue is? my own trans experiences are erased bc other people 'disagree' with . what. my perspective as an 'unaligned' enb#? when its like. literally none of us are gonna have the same needs or experiences as trans people#and if 'binary' works to show that you are fine and comfortable being percieved exclusively as a woman#and 'nonbinary' works to show i am not#i dont really see what the issue w using the word 'binary' is#like i said. its not a slur. its not a bad thing to be.#and tbh i think this insistence that 'unaligned' nonbinary ppls perspectives arent actually unique to binary or 'aligned' nonbinary ppls is#directly contributing to like. lateral bigotry coming from said 'unaligned' enbies. like if u put urself in my shoes for a second and u gre#up being constantly told you were either a cis invader who didnt actually have any trans experiences and that only people who want to 'full#transition' were REAL transsexuals then. youd be kinda jaded too right? and im sure you ARE kinda jaded lol.#anyways. sorry for rambling at you i dont have any more tags left lol
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justinefrischmanngf · 1 year ago
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this is exactly what i moved here for and it’s a good thing like 98% of the time but oh my god i’m literally all alone in this city……….
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the plot has been thickening too much lately. yeah it's too thick now. we should add some water maybe. thinnen that thick ass plot.
#one of her friends who she talked to after i asked her to prom#sits next to my two best friends in physics#and today he was like 'haha so yall found out who ruby likes then'#and they got to talking abt it and they told him how were just going as friends and he was apparently shocked bc of how she reacted#after i asked like what she said to him after#he thinks shes into me and i have no idea what to think bc the reasons we arent going as dates have nothing to do with me#but idk if theres a secret third thing 'im also not into u like that'#he seems to be convinced otherwise#im back at square one! i have no idea how she feels! except at least she liked me enough in general to be absolutely thrilled to go to prom#with me. god bless#im still overwraught with joy at that either way mind you. especially with all that our mutual friend says about what she said to him#but you see how the plot is too thick#i feel like its wrong of me to still be worried abt her feelings abt me when she clearly said with valid reasoning that she doesnt wanna#date or be dates to prom and just go as friends#but i cant help wondering bc if she wants to be with me but feels she cant for whatever reason i dont want her to feel that way#but i feel like this sounds like i dont respect her decision! i do!! and it seems ungrateful!!!! god the fact that she knows i love her-#and i told her i really like her but she must be able to tell i love her-#she knows i love her and she still cares about me. enough to be thrilled and happy about going to prom with me! and if its that she just#doesnt have romantic feelings for me thats OKAY i am blessed enough that shes in my life. that she WANTS TO BE IN MY LIFE.#and if its that she does but she doesnt want to act on them for reasons beyond me thats also OKAY i would wait a thousand years for her if#its what would make her comfortable and happy#just knowing she knows i love her and she still likes me is enough no matter what else but#its the not knowing thats killing me#its killing me. but i am so full of joy this whole day i have been full with it#my friends are proud of me i feel brave and fulfilled#i pass faces of people who know us both in the halls and i know they all know i love her#and i havent seen her since i asked nor spoken since she clarified over snapchat#tomorrow i will though. and i have no idea how things will be.#i feel like im going crazy but by god its wonderful
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silverselfshippingchaos · 2 years ago
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y'all look at my gf!!
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wolfreplaced · 7 months ago
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z
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lovelornnobodyknows · 7 months ago
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fakeuwus · 4 months ago
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MANEATER | SIM JAEYUN (M)
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PAIRING: virgin!jake x yn (femreader)
SYNOPSIS: in which jake is tired of being a virgin and you're asked to help him out.
WARNINGS: smut so MDNI! vrignity loss, oral (m and f receiving), unprotected sex (be safe out there), creampie, riding, multiple orgasms, etc. cursing, words like slut/whore, BARELY PROOFREAD
WC: 5k, lowercase intended
MESSAGE FROM NIC: here it finally is!! (sorry for the delay) my first piece of smut,,, hope it's what everyone imagined 😁 (also tysm for 2k notes on the teaser ahh!!) big thank u to my stella, @karinasbaby for encouraging this fic, one of my biggest supporters ilysm. pls be kind as this is something new for me BUT feedback is super appreciated, tell me what u liked and didn't like! (respectfully) also reblogs would be nice as well so feel free to drop one. love u guys sm 🫶🏼
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jake sim was a virgin. a pitiful, pitiful virgin. and it’s not like he was ugly. not even close to that. jake was an attractive guy, easy on the eyes. and his flirting? a real smooth talker he was.
it was as if 2000s chad michael murray possessed his very soul every single time he would chat up a girl at a party or in class. 
so why couldn't he ever close the deal? how did he find himself in a steamy makeout session one second and then the next the girl is storming out of the room in disgust. every. single. time.
oh yea, because he was a fucking virgin. a pitiful, pitiful virgin. 
it seemed like girls these days wanted a man in charge. someone who could help them live out their fifty shades of grey fantasies. jake would like to think he could do that for them but how could he ever learn if no one wanted to give him the time of day? what happened to the girls that would spread their legs for anything and anyone?
all jake needed was one chance. one chance to stick his dick in a hole and he can move on with his life. 
his friends didn't make it any better either. he was getting tired of hearing all about their wild sexcapades every week and having nothing to contribute to the conversation.
but they don’t intentionally leave him out or make him feel bad about his lack of experience. they even try getting him with their past hookups because you know, sharing is caring right? 
“dude no way you fumbled sora. she’s a real slut i was so sure she would let you hit,” sunghoon says as he’s unwrapping his sandwich then taking a bite. “bro i didn't fumble anything. it's the same shit every time, once i tell them im a virgin they dip,” jake responds while he steals sunghoon’s sandwich and takes a bite for himself.
sunghoon doesn't even argue, his best friend is clearly in distress and is need of some food. “she started ranting about how she doesnt “do” virgins because they get attached and she thinks im gonna become obsessed with her or something.”
“why do you even tell them you’re a virgin in the first place? if that's the issue why even say anything at all?” heeseung questions with a mouth full of the same sandwich that somehow now ended up in his hands.
“because if he cums in .2 seconds then the girls are gonna think he’s a bad fuck. there's no winning here.” jake nods in agreement with jay's statement as he watches jay snatch the sandwich from heeseung and finish it off.
this is what is so beautiful about their friendship. they share everything with each other, the main things being girls and food. unfortunately for jake, bites of food is all he gets.
—-----------------
“oh fuck!” jakes pants while bucking his hips forward. vision blurry, drool pooling around the corner of his mouth. he genuinely feels like his soul is leaving his body and he wasn’t sure this was even real life anymore. to ground himself and bring him back to reality, he tries looking around the room to find something to distract him.
he doesn’t want to cum embarrassingly fast and he does NOT want to be seen as a bad fuck. out of the corner of his eye he spots a baby yoda squishmallow in the corner of the room, its sparkly eyes watching jake get his dick sucked for the first time.
it’s kind of weird but he finds comfort in the plushie and focuses on it to keep him from fucking exploding. 
now you might be wondering how he got here. in a hot girl’s room getting what he swears is the best head in his life (not that he has anything to compare it to.) the answer is jay, his best friend in the entire world who he now owes his first born to. 
“her name’s yn. just text her and ask when she wants to meet. i told her you were a virgin already so don’t worry about that,” jay explains as he’s scrolling through your profile showing jake what you look like.
silky, flowy hair, curves to die for. to say you’re gorgeous would be an understatement. the whole ordeal seemed too good to be true.
“she wants to fuck me? even after hearing i’m a virgin?” jake asks after grabbing his milk tea from the counter and walking towards a table.
jay simply nods and throws a look towards sunghoon, signaling him to explain the rest as they all take a seat. “yea that’s kind of her thing. she loves virgins. like, her body count consists of only virgins.”
jake was perplexed by the situation. surely he’d hear about a beautiful woman who only drops her panties for inexperienced guys roaming their campus.
heeseung then speaks up, as if reading jake’s mind, “she goes to the college in the next town over. around a 20 minute drive.” before continuing his sentence he shifts his eyes towards jay and sunghoon. eyeballs darting back and forth.
some unspoken dialogue is happening between the three as they sip their sweet drinks and jake just has to sit there and watch. minutes go by and jay clears his throat and sighs, finally breaking the silence.
“she uh, actually took all of our virginities back in high school. that’s how we know her.” 
pause. the fuck? he knew his friends all have gotten their dicks wet for the same girl before but at the same time? jake couldn’t believe what he was hearing. i mean, he did only just meet them three years ago, whatever they were up to before then he can’t judge.
he supposes desperate times call for desperate measures, and jake is sure he would’ve ended up in the same situation soon if they weren’t handing you on a silver platter to him.
“so… you guys had a foursome for your first times??”
heeseung instantly chokes on his boba as jake’s arm receives a punch from jay. a faint giggle is heard from sunghoon, “this bitch is choking on some balls.”
ignoring heeseung’s dramatics jay clarifies, “no you idiot, she took all of our virginities separately. we weren’t as desperate as you were.”
“and like, that pussy is so heavenly. i’d be pissed having to share her with another guy at the same time.” 
“roger that, brother.”
jake looks towards the two, sunghoon rubbing heeseung’s back trying to calm him down from his almost near death over some balls. 
“care to elaborate?” 
“man why do you think we’re all sex crazed freaks? her pussy’s got some voodoo magic in it or something. our manhood didn’t begin when we watched porn for the first time together, it started with her,” jay pauses and shifts in his seat, slight discomfort in his lower region.
he looks up and pinches his nose, “fuck i’m getting hard just thinking about it.” sneaking a peek at jay’s lower half, jake can see his friend chubbing it up in his pants. nothing he’s never seen before honestly. 
but what he hadn't seen before was how his friends were reminiscing so hard on a hook up the way they were right now. and the fact that their origin story of discovering their high libidos is all because of you? he was scared shitless of what he was about to get himself into.
-------------------
fast forward to some exchanged texts between you guys, jake found himself in your room with his pants around his ankles getting the life sucked out of him.
he quickly discovered you were very straightforward and to the point, immediately sending him your apartment address and what time to show up.
jake couldn’t argue though, all this talk about how you were gonna “change his life” and shit got him real worked up. he appreciated the fact that you skipped the small talk and went straight for his dick.
upon arriving and stepping into your living space, your lips smashed onto his and he was pushed down onto the bed. no hi, no hello. just your lucious, full lips swapping spit with his.
his hands instinctively flew to your waist, his digits gripping your plush skin as you straddle him. jake felt so in his element in the moment. making out? this is where he excels. he could do this all day if he could.
but he was here on a mission and he’ll be damned if he leaves without fucking you. or you fucking him. he was honestly down for whatever. you could ask to peg him and he would say yes.
you can sense his impatience, his face twisting in pleasure trying to savor every moment while the cogs are turning in his head, awaiting your next move. every squeeze he gave signaled that he wanted to get things moving.
you make your way down his body, peppering kisses any and everywhere leaving his skin burning. jake couldn’t believe what was about to happen.
in less than a minute he was about to get his first blowjob ever. what does he do? where do his hands go? what if he chokes you? what if he passes out from the stimulation?
before he can think of anymore what to do’s and what if’s, your mouth is on his dick and jake is seeing stars, figuratively and literally. he takes note of the little ones taped to your ceiling and thinks it’s cute.
the pink walls and plushies surrounding the two of you is such a stark contrast to your personality, or what little jake knows of you. but hey, he likes a woman with some duality to her.
“you can put your hands in my hair.”
jake finally takes a look down at you. pupils blown out, lips a bit swollen from all the sucking. you looked so, so pretty like this. he can only imagine what you look like with his cock in you.
trembling hands grab at your hair, slightly pushing you further down and a gagging noise emerges from the back of your throat. oh shit. your nose is practically meeting his pelvic bone and you aren’t letting up.
fuck it, jake thinks to himself. he was done with being patient. he starts fucking up into your mouth relentlessly, chasing the orgasm he was delaying. and you just let him.
you’re merely a hole for him in this moment and you could care less. his dick may be average in size but the girthiness of it was so delicious, you couldn’t get enough.
to make sure he reaches his high, you reach for his balls and start playing with them. his erratic thrusts combined with you squeezing his genitals he twitches in your mouth and his cum is shooting out, pooling out the sides of your lips.
and you don’t stop there. you keep going and going and jake actually feels like he’s going to pass out. “okay, okay please please!” you swallow everything he gave you and finally let him go with a pop to come up for air.
you get up and see him lying there on your bed, unmoving. eyes closed and mouth agape barely taking breaths. one might think he’s dead but this was typical.
once a guy gets to cum in a girl’s mouth for the first time they don’t know what to do with themselves. nudging him with your knee he breaks out of his trance with a lopsided smile adorning his face. god he’s adorable.
before you can suggest a break he immediately grabs you by the hips and flips you onto your back. your shorts go flying onto the floor behind him and he spreads your legs wide to prop them onto his shoulders.
his tongue immediately attaches to your clit and he starts licking you all over. slurping and sucking, as if this was his last meal on earth. he was desperate to get you to cum the way you made him and it was showing.
jake’s eating you out a little too expertly to your liking, as if he’s done this a million times. you won’t judge if he has, you’re literally the last person to judge someone’s sexual history but how is he still a virgin if he eats pussy this good?
he must’ve been met with horrible women who just used him for his mouth and left him dry. you wouldn’t do that to him though, poor guy doesn’t deserve that.
he inserts two fingers into your hole while his mouth was still working your clit. jesus christ. you didn’t notice before but his fingers were so slender and long, reaching places your own didn’t. “am i doing okay? kind of my first time.”
oh? so this was his first time eating pussy. you simply give him a nod of approval, not being able to utter a word as he dives right back in.
in all of your sexual encounters, never has there been a guy so willing to return the favor. and the fact that you didn’t even have to ask? where the fuck did jay find a guy like this? was he aware his friend was a fucking certified munch?
determined to make sure you cum, jake inserts another finger and moves his fingers in an upward motion, trying to find your spot. at least that’s what wikihow told him how to do it.
the sound of your moans and the taste of your pussy on his tongue simply feel amazing and he feels like he could come alone like this. at this point you’re panting and riding his fingers and god it’s so hot. you’re so hot.
jake finds himself humping into the mattress, trying to aid his painful hard on he’s grown since going down on you.
his wrist begins to ache with how fast he’s pumping into you but he doesn’t give a fuck, he’ll do anything to see what you look like when you reach your high.
“oh god, i’m, i’m- ahhh!” you come undone onto his mouth and hand, lips forming an o shape with the most pornographic moan he’s ever heard and he silently releases his load along with you onto the bed.
jake makes sure every single drop of your delicious juices are all licked up, driving your oversensitivity.
“so? how was i?”
you take a look at his annoyingly cute face and he’s licking all over his fingers like a lollipop. cute. gaining some of your composure, your eyes spot a wet spot on your sheets.
“wait, did you…”
“oh. sorry about that. i couldn’t help it.” jake explains with a sheepish smile and a scratch behind his head. not only is this guy a munch but he came untouched while tongue fucking you. you weren’t even sure guys like him existed, like at all.
without speaking another word, you grab the back of his neck and smash your lips onto his. tasting yourself on him has you wet all over again and you both begin to undress each other.
you detach yourself to take your shirt off and he pauses to fully look at you, drinking in every inch of your body. hands grab at your boobs and he pinches a nipple, a small moan escaping your mouth.
your body was literally to die for, the pictures on your profile barely doing you justice. and to finally be able to feel all around your curves and give your boods and ass tight squeezes was a dream come true for jake.
(he may or may not have been jerking off to the few posts you have up, counting down the days of you guys finally meeting but you didn’t have to know that)
you also took a moment to admire his body. to say jake was sculpted like a fucking greek god was an understatement, sporting a six pack and biceps to die for. veins running all over his arms and hands.
deciding it’s finally time to do the deed, you switch positions and motion for him to lay on his back. “are you ready?”
“wait! what about a condom?”
“i’m clean and i know you are so…”
“right.”
you throw your legs over his waist, now straddling him with your vagina inches from his cock. “okay, take deep breaths. i’m gonna slowly go down alright?”
jake throws a thumbs up and eagerly nods. in a moment like this he doesn’t fail to be endearing. you could literally just eat him up with how cute he was. your pussy was about to anyway.
you lace your fingers with his and slowly lower yourself onto him. there’s some intimacy with your actions and jake finds comfort in your eyes, looking at him adoringly.
it was finally fucking happening and jake couldn’t believe it. he was about to become a man. and the fact that it was you taking his virginity, a gorgeous woman who doesn’t care that he’s inexperienced and lets him hit it raw. it's really all he can ask for.
once your walls are wrapped around his tip, jake’s a goner. the little sweet moment you two shared is thrown out the window and he starts bucking his hips up into you, hard and fast.
his hands find purchase on your hips and he’s gripping them so hard you're sure there will be bruises tomorrow. you wanted to start out slow as it is his first time but it seems his thrusting says otherwise.
you press your hands against his chest and begin to move rhythmically in sync with him. jake’s eyes immediately roll back and his breathing quickens.
his hands fall to his side and he lays lifeless beneath you, letting you take full control.
all he could do was stare at the spot where his dick entered you and it was making him even more hornier. he couldn’t tell where he ended and you began.
your wetness didn’t help anything either. the squelching sounds indicated that you were very much enjoying this as much as he was.
“fuck you feel so good baby,” jake moans. the pet name that slips past his lips and it doesn’t go unnoticed but you also don’t question it.
for some reason the simple word made your heart jump. guys always called things like babe or even whore when they really let loose.
those never got to your head, you know they couldn’t really control themselves in the moment and you let them have their fun.
but jake has been nothing but kind to you this whole time, like he knew you were doing him a service and not the other way around.
this only fueled your desire to ensure that his sure first time exceeded his expectations so upped your menstrations. you quickly changed your pace to grind forward, backwards, and in circles making sure his dick felt every inch of you.
jake’s mind was reeling, his breath caught in his throat. he feels as if his dick was about to fall off with the way you were moving.
your body leans forward and you begin to kiss at his neck, leaving hickeys everywhere. your hot breath near his ear sends him into overdrive, must be a sensitive spot of his he never knew he had, but also how could he have known?
his hands that were once gripping the sheets meet your ass and he starts to guide you up and down his cock. you both were about to reach your climaxes, your pussy clenching with every move.
“i’m- where? fuck! where do i cum?”
“inside. cum inside me please.”
inside?? his first time cumming from sex and you were gonna let him do it inside of you? jake swears you couldn’t be any more perfect than you are right now.
you knew you threw him for a loop and honestly yourself as well. pushing these thoughts towards the back of your head you start riding him aggressively, even faster than before. “fuck, jake i’m cumming!”
“me too baby oh my god!”
and there was that damn pet name again. it makes your heart leap out of your chest and sends you over the edge.
the knot in your stomach snaps and jake follows shortly after, his load shooting into you. it pools out of you and you don’t hesitate to swipe some up with a delicate finger and bring it to your mouth, mirroring his actions from earlier.
your eyes meet his fucked out ones and you smile down at him, admiring the masterpiece of lovebites you left all over him. his vision was a bit blurry but he catches the way your lips curled upward, flashing your pearly whites.
jake finds himself instantly becoming hard again, call him easy but when a pretty girl is smiling at him like that after fucking him, can you really blame him?
you move yourself off of him and jake was fully expecting you to kick him out now but instead you position yourself on all fours, your ass in the air inviting him in.
“fuck. you’re into anal?”
you turn your head sharply to look at him over your shoulder, raising an eyebrow to question what he just said. the look you give him says it all and jake takes the hint and positions himself behind you.
“can we try anal next time though?”
an exasperated sigh leaves your lips and you reach over to grab his dick, inserting him into you. “umph! okay sorry.”
upon entering your pussy, jake relishes in the feeling of it. being inside your heat again leaves him breathless for the nth time today.
in and out. in and out. he tries to match his breathing with his gradual strokes. his member is extra sensitive right now and he’s trying not to lose himself. the impatience he had earlier has now moved onto you so you decide to take matters into your own hands and start fucking back into him.
your ass is now meeting his hips and the sound of skin slapping echoes in your room along with your moans. jake’s body is flailing from the sudden impact but he grounds his hands around your waist and grips the shit out of you.
he notices bruises forming on your skin but he can’t for the life of him let go. oops. he’ll do his best to remember to apologize for them tomorrow.
when there’s a good pace between the two of you, you fling yourself upward, back meeting his chest and the new angle has him reaching spots he didn’t before.
you take one of his strong arms and place it around your neck, having him choke you as you ride him like there’s no tomorrow. jake’s brain begins to turn to mush and he feels like he’s even more turned on at the revelation of one of your kinks.
and at this point you’re fucking onto him so hard, so good, he didn’t want it to end. “shit. shit. i love your pussy so much baby.” jake whines into your ear, meaning every word he said.
is it crazy to say you love someone upon meeting them for the first time? well, their pussy. yea. maybe. but who gives a fuck.
he was a man possessed by you, by your pussy. in this moment he truly believed there was some voodoo magic going on down there and he was blessed to be experiencing it.
you clench at his words, and your heart flips once more, prompting you to draw him closer to you (if that was even remotely possible)
the closeness of your bodies creates another intimate moment shared, kisses stolen from one another, hands tangled in his hair.
“i’m close,” he whispers in your ear, his breath leaving tingles down your spine. the hushed whispers you exchange contrast the sporadic thrusting that’s happening.
determined to reach your second high of the day, you push jake onto his back and settle yourself onto your knees, continuing to bounce up and down on his cock.
“yea just like that baby, shit shit shit i’m cumming, i’m cumming!”
jake opens his eyes to watch the scene unfold before him and god was it something. your back arches as you take his cum in you once more and your screams fill his ears, signaling you orgasmed right after him.
this moment alone is better than porn itself, and jake savors every bit of it. there’s absolutely no way he can even bring himself to type “nsfw” in his twitter search bar ever again after this.
you hover yourself over him leaving just the tip inside before sliding right back down, pushing his seed back in while it gushes around his cock leaving jake wanting, no needing, a third round with you.
but to his dismay you roll yourself off of his body, landing on the mattress next to him.
“so… how do you feel?”
he releases a long exhale he didn’t know he was holding, “fantastic. 10/10 experience. would do it again.” you simply giggle at his response with a shake of your head, getting up to gather your clothes.
“wait! um, could we do this again?”
you playfully roll your eyes at him, leaving his question unanswered as you begin to dress yourself.
—-----------------
sat in his computer chair, jake is finding it difficult to finish this stupid ethics assignment. how is he supposed to argue about the death penalty when you straight up almost murdered him with your pussy less than 2 hours ago?
he’s sure his professor wouldn’t appreciate if he wrote that he doesn’t give a fuck about someone serving their punishment if the culprit was you, but honestly speaking he’d let you get away with just about anything. you were an angel sent from above to him who could do no wrong. 
the way your soft lips wrapped around his cock while your innocent (not) eyes bored into his soul. the way you licked and kissed every single inch of his body, leaving nothing left untouched. and god, the way you worked his dick? how was he supposed to move on from you??
you were an insatiable, sex-crazed goddess. a once in a lifetime experience he was so grateful to have. 
his thoughts are interrupted by a loud knocking at his door. two seconds later, jay trails into jake’s room followed by dumb and dumber, all of them having a snug look on their faces.
they make themselves comfortable before they get right into the interrogation. jay leans against the desk, sunghoon sits in the bean bag situated in the corner, and heeseung sprawls himself across the bed.
“so virgin, how was it?”
 “wasn’t i right about her pussy?” 
“where did she make you cum?” 
eyes rolling in the back of his head, jake takes a deep sigh before answering their questions. “one, i’m not a virgin anymore so stop calling me that. two, it was absolutely fucking amazing. literally would give up heaven for it. and three, she had me cum in her. twice.”
heeseung shoots up from his position, jaw dropped and eyes wide. “you came in her twice?!” the boys all share a bewildered expression on their faces, dramatic as always.
jake just shrugs at them, what? didn’t you usually let guys cum in you like the freak you were?
jay slaps his hands down on jake’s shoulders, aggressively turning the computer chair towards him. “jake. buddy. yn has two rules.” 
sunghoon suddenly appears on jay’s left, “one. you can’t cum in her. you can cum anywhere BUT inside of her.” 
heeseung follows and is now on jay’s right side, “and two. she doesn’t repeat fuck.”
immediately following this revelation there’s silence.  complete and utter silence.  the gazes they hold are intense and uninviting. as if they truly couldn’t believe you let their best friend who’s never felt the touch of a woman break one of your rules.
their eyes say it all, they love jake to death and are happy for him, like seriously happy and relieved he’s finally entered manhood. but really? none of them got to do what he did? what was so special about him?
you don’t even know the answer to those questions yourself. maybe it was the puppy eyes or his whiny moans that made you feel like you had him in the palm of your hands.
his eagerness to pleasure you but to also receive reminded you of the sole purpose of why you only go for virgins. they made you feel wanted while also letting you be in charge. call it selfishness but why can’t a girl have the best of both worlds? 
and you’d never admit it, but jake was one of the best fucks you’ve had in a while. he never tried to be someone he wasn’t, just authentically himself. a pitiful, pitiful virgin. and he was proud of it.
it was refreshing to fuck someone who didn’t have some sort of ego right after you were done with them. immediately bragging to everyone what you two did and acting like they could pull any girl as if you weren’t doing charity work for most of them. 
with all of this in mind, of course you let him cum in you. he was doing so well for you, how could you not reward him? had to let him do it twice to drive it home.
and seriously, what kind of guy gives you a tender, sweet goodbye kiss and thanks you for defiling him? you didn’t regret your decisions with him but they were definitely scaring you. 
never have you ever been this intimate with a guy, but jake was different. you felt it. and what you did next didn’t scare you as much as your recent choices with him.
*ping!*
the staredown between jake and his friends comes to a halt and he digs his phone out of his pocket to check it. sliding up, he sees the message appear on his screen:
you: are you free tomorrow?
he glances at his friends’ expectant eyes and throws them a smirk. looks like he gets to break that second rule of yours. 
© fakeuwus 2024 do not repost, translate, or plagiarize
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ishizizzle · 2 years ago
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My 19-yo manager got upset off someone else's energy and talked to me stupid. I cared for hours longer than I should but thankfully, I'm growing apathetic to the whole person
#it me#i really been journaling these thoughts out lately. I'll write it down and#watch my complaints get smaller and smaller because i already wrote i was mad about this or that#so the only logical step I can is forward but I'm mentally ill so logic is built like a crazy straw and I'm wearing stilettos#but i get the shit out and get it smaller and smaller until i can summarize it and get to the root issue. its nice. it saves a lot of words#i know I'm in the right but there's nothing wrong with humility. her being 19 wouldn't even matter if she didn't act so immature#but that's whoevers fault that is for hiring her in that position cuz i clocked her and the scene the moment it happened#i even tried having a conversation about because SHE was talking about it like it was something to talk about#and i told her it didn't seem fair to her to have a future in wherever she's supposed to be going and be stuck in#a position you don't have the skillset for like i said it normal but that was the point of my end of the discussion#and all she could say is how is it unfair if its something i choose and i shut up because fuck off I'm not explaining that to you#not only would she not care or understand the answer but I'm not her mama her friend or her sis that's not my business#they pay her more to tell other niggas what to do.to go up there and cheat on the bf she stay on the phone with. she doesnt clean#I'm like what does she do other than show up and make sandwiches that's the only reason they were impressed. she asked and they said yes#before either knew if the other understood what they were signing up for and now she's cracked#she was alreasy cracked but its like chill out damn this why ppl dont like teenagers bro#leave all that bullshit at home can you come to work to work please idgaf if you want work friends#lame ass kids in this emotionally mature positions dude it makes no fucking sense#if they were adult enough to handle it fine but these are clearly kids and who cares but like#can someone else babysit i already babysat in jr. high and them parents paid way more for less of my time please dont push me#all that to say i feel myself tired of thinking about it. I'm bored of it. its not even noteworthy cuz it wasn't even a beef#she only got mad bc her pick me signals went off and she always acts the same as the guys but like#when they get mad she is suddenly mad to you know? and its embarrassing#i guess second hand? like am i embarrassed for you or myself for making you think we were on the same level
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