#the idea that theres no such thing as a binary trans person just

[transmaverique]

gonna be honest I see anyone talking about this "my gender is more complicated than yours" shit as someone who genuinely cannot comprehend that other people that don't share certain traits with them can still in fact have rich interior lives. as an agender trans woman who uses she/her I've never had anyone say it to me who wasn't (usually unknowingly) transmisogynistic

see but im not talking about "rich interior lives" and the assumption that i am is exactly what im talking about. i am talking about the actual physical way that reality treats and percieves me in comparison to the way it treats and percieves you. saying my gender is "more complex" means to me that i am physically incapable of existing in a strictly binary world and that there is no thing i can pass as bc "binary man" and "binary woman" are both incorrect for me. and the Cisiety in question does not allow androgyny to exist - it is exclusively the timeframe people have to decide whether they think you are a cisman or a ciswoman, or a failure and a freak. i dont subscribe to that "binary privilege" shit, thats not how privilege works. but there are differences in the ways both you and i can navigate this strictly binary Cisiety!!! and those differences deserve to be named, imo

like. again. i dont have to comfort you about your own internal sense of gender before youll listen to me about my experiences in the real world as genderqueer. as a different sort of transsexual than you.

(and bc i Know what binary ppl love to say: i know not everyone is 'capable of passing'. what i am talking about specifically is the difference between being unable to pass as a cis woman or a cis man vs being unable to pass bc what i am does not exist AT ALL in a binary society, and both of those things are incorrect ans unattainable.)

(anyways if that language is too imperfect for you thats like fine but. its just confusing to me, i dont get why its hard to understand what we are talking about here. our experiences w our nonbinary genders are completely different! why do i have to discuss them like theyre the same?)

[neil-gaiman]

Hello! Not a question, but I've seen a lot of people commenting/sending asks about GO season 2, so even though theres a very high chance this won't get seen, I wanted to let you know how happy it made me seeing 'the spouse' in the show. I'm non-binary, and while I do consume a lot of content with gay characters in it, it's very rare for me to see anyone under the trans umbrella. Then when I do, they're almost always a straightforward she/her or he/him kind of character, which is fine, considering they're getting represented at all, but it can be a bit frustrating. I never see anyone who's closer to my wavelength in terms of the whole gender thing

I know there's a lot of 'they's' in the show, but if I'm right, up until this person, most, if not all, of them have been either an angel, a demon, or a horseman of the apocalypse, and why would they have a solid binary view of gender? These characters did make me incredibly happy to see, but seeing a human character shown in the same light, so casually, like it was something completely normal that happens all the time, genuinely made my night (even if the rest of the season's ending did wreck me /lh)

Genuinely, it's about 8 hours later and I'm still thinking about this character. This is the first time I've seen someone like me represented in media, and to see it from a show I've been watching and adoring since it came out is incredible to me

This may not mean as much to other people, and it may not have felt like that big a thing to include, but I wanted you to know how much this truly touched my heart . I admire you and your work so much, and, i hope that your day/night is as lovely as you are

I'm really glad. I loved being able to ask Andrew to come in and play Mutt's spouse. (Also I loved the way it happened: I had no idea when I was writing Mutt whether the character would be male or female and so cheerfully wrote the spouse line to keep all our options open in casting Mutt. Once Mutt was cast, and was male, I realized that I'd grown rather fond of the "spouse", and liked the idea of casting someone who used "they" and could just be themself. This is Soho, after all.)

[catboygirljoker]

fun writing tip: you can justify making your blorbos as good at sex as you want if you also make it depressing

i will try not to be too graphic or horny and keep it mostly to character study analysis themes core motivations plot conflicts etc type discussion. still, id really prefer that folks under 18 do not interact with me on this post or about this topic in general, thanks!

for obvious reasons this post is gonna have a cut

UNLIKE HIS DIIIIICK [EXTREMELY LOUD AIRHORNS]

. sorry i just feel like hed appreciate that joke. uh anyway

Brief discussions of: BDSM, including sadomasochism; edgeplay; derealization/dysphoria; self-destructive recklessness in a sexual context.

ok. so there's this fictional guy. and i kiiiiiiind of have a crush on him. and i'm a basic bitch, so, like, obviously, when i think about him hornystyle, i want to imagine him being good at sex.

the thing is, "good at sex" is not always a particularly interesting trait to give a character! it can often be an eyerolling power fantasy trait. like "this is my oc Chuck Dongburger he has a ten pound cock and can make a babe cum just by lookin at her" yknow. it's a trait that, handled incorrectly, is more likely to flatten conflict than create it—more likely to make stories more boring than to make them more interesting.

also, "being good at sex" isnt a magical blessing that descends upon someone by chance. it is a quality that stems from a set of experiences and traits. it is a skill that one develops, or fails to develop.

so the question is, how do i justify him being good at sex? how do i make it feel believable and interesting?

the answer is simple! make it depressing! (that is, relate it directly to the character's central themes and conflicts, and therefore make it a natural part of/inclusion in their story)

in canon, xigbar has had multiple bodies, lost his heart multiple times, allowed himself to be a vessel for darkness on multiple occasions. he has endured all of this to carry out the will of his masters. every social role we've ever seen him take has been subservient to someone else, even if it has usually also involved social power over others, too.

here are the sex/relationship headcanons i have that expand on this:

related to: gender/sexuality

bisexual. for starters. obviously. his transness i have Deep Headcanons about, but his bisexuality is just "idk im bi so hes bi hee hee"

luxu is a binary trans man who experienced severe dysphoria in his original body and never felt like that body really belonged to him in the first place. to the best of his ability he has only chosen cis male vessels, including braig. in those cases he feels extreme disconnect from his body but not [very noticeable] gender dysphoria. the only thing connecting him to his cis male bodies is his sexual characteristics. theres this great art piece that has never left my brain that conveys the idea im going for. his face his hair his bones none of those are his, none of thise feel real, none of those feel right. but what does feel right is his dick.

related to: him being Good at Sex™

he is Very Experienced. he's tried a lot of shit and had a lot of bodies and largely had nothing better to do than be a horndog and kill time suckin and fuckin. he is down for just about anything with just about anybody. he knows how bodies work and knows how to deal with the exceptions and roll with awkwardness and uncomfortableness.

he is pretty good at reading people—it's a skill he has had to develop over his lifetime. he is sometimes wrong, but usually right, and reading people, understanding them, lets him feel like he has some kind of control or power over them. this is relevant because this is part of what makes him Good at Sex. he is shockingly responsive and attentive; not completely unselfish as a lover, but he won't blindly exert his will onto the other person and expect them to respond just because he has a big dick or is going faster or harder or whatever.

related to: his backstory as luxu

sex for him is a means of exerting control over the world, proving his own competence and worth to himself and another person, gaining some simulacrum of human connection, distracting himself from his derealization, grounding himself in his body, expressing and claiming his masculinity. all things, i headcanon, he also achieves (or seeks/has sought to achieve) from keyblade mastery.

he views his bodies as disposable, and knowing that he can just jump ship if he totals a body means that he processes pain differently than most people. not in a "all pain makes him horny" way*—it's more that pain doesn't make his self-preservation kick in the same way it does for other people. in bdsm/kink settings he is a masochist [as well as a sadist] and more reckless with edgeplay (when it comes to himself) than he really ought to be.

obviously i have specific personal motivation for wanting to headcanon this (he and his body are both Significantly Older Than Me) but i don't think he's too bothered by an age gap. some people it makes sense to me to imagine that they'd really want to date within their age and maturity range, but i think xigbar's chill as long as the person he's dating is a self-posessed adult. considering how long he's been alive, he's gonna have a significant gap in experience with ANYBODY; there isn't that much of a difference between him dating a 25 year old vs a 45 or 85 year old.

he has told close romantic partners about his Whole Deal before. it has never gone well. ("what do you mean youve been moving into random people's bodies in order to stay alive long enough to bring back a guy who intentionally manipulated his students into killing all of their students via senseless war??") they never understand and he doesn't know why they don't understand (i also headcanon him having severe cognitive dissonance vis a vis the MoM but that's a different post). his instinct is to put up a wall and go "well theyre just naive and stupid and haven't seen what i've seen, theyre too sentimental to understand this". he still keeps trying (if with less frequency) because he is desperate for someone to understand.

*i want to make this crystal clear: i do not headcanon xigbar as being automatically turned on by receiving or causing pain in every context, because he is a boss in a video game franchise where he fights teenagers. i am not comfortable sexualizing those fights!

(i do however think there are contexts where he might indulge in some "battle sadomasochism" when fighting another adult—maybe he makes it weird for them on purpose to fuck with them, maybe they're both into it and it's all foreplay, etc)

related to: him being subservient

youd think that when i talked about him being subservient to others, i was building up to a headcanon about him being a sub. however it feels most correct [and fun] to me to imagine him being a dom-leaning switch vers (doesnt get dysphoria from bottoming because. prostate). social role and personal dynamics dont necessarily correspond to sexual dynamics!

the headcanon i was actually building up to was that he craves affirmation in specific ways from specific people. he is desperate for someone else to give him worth. he wants to do a good job serving an authority he deems worthy of respect. he wants to be useful, he wants to serve a purpose and have a role. he hates feeling like he needs something from someone else, and feels much more comfortable if they need something from him.

he doesn't have a praise kink in a traditional sense, but he does really get his rocks off from being Good At Sex and from his lovers clearly and obviously enjoying themselves. he doesn't wanna be told hes done a good job, he wants to know, to tell from experience that he's blown someone's mind.

furthermore, in romance, he becomes a massive simp. if he likes someone enough to fall for them then they hang the fucking moon for him. he is outside in the rain crying throwing up begging for a sniff. absolutely pathetic. its not a total transformation of personality, i think he'd really hide it and really want to hide it. but i think in most situations it'd be subtle but observable. every joke he makes is directed to them and checked against their reaction; he stands at a middle distance outside of conversation kinda watching them, observing every move, memorizing their gestures and tics and quirks. he feels i love you before the first date but won't say it until five years into the relationship.

related to: i couldnt put it in the other sections and i really only made these section headers so it wasnt just big walls of text oops

he's a low empathy emotionally constipated bitch at the best of times, so he substitutes emotional intimacy with physical intimacy. picking up people at bars or dances or what have you for one night stands, satisfying them thoroughly, and then immediately dropping out of their lives.

he actively avoids romance (and any emotional closeness, including the completely platonic kind). but he hasn't always been this way. i think Dark Road was the most recent in a long long string of experiences where he lost people he was close to. he's tired of hurting people and getting hurt.

. im not gonna get into it because im trying not to be like too too horny in this post but hes So fucking brat tamer coded to me. i think you will understand at least the surface level reasons for this. i guess if i wanted to relate it to Themes i'd say something like "there is a specific romantic and sexual fantasy in being an asshole and even hurting someone and them still wanting you and trusting you and loving you and even enjoying it" but. well we dont need to go there do we

these are just the Depressing / Character-Related / Themes-y headcanons. some of my headcanons are just like "i think this would be funny and/or in character and/or hot" but you see how long this list is anyway. if i started in on all of that then we'd be here forever.

also, these are just headcanons! they're informed by analysis but shaped heavily by what appeals to me personally, what i find hot, what i find compelling about his character. if your headcanons for him differ from mine in any way, i don't think you're Wrong, because we're talking about the sexuality of a guy who comes from a video game franchise where characters are barely allowed to hold hands. this is all just toys and playing

anyway thank you for reading this post lmao its so long

JUST LIKE HIS DIIIIIIIIIIII—

[whilomm]

sometimes i wish people were better about remembering Your Experiences Are Not Universal wrt like, IRL queer spaces.

like an issue i see sometimes wrt discussions around IRL trans spaces is just like, people dismissing the idea that other peoples spaces could be exclusionary in a different way than what theyve experienced. like, someone talks about how whenever they try to go to local trans stuff IRL they either face passive exclusion or outright aggression as a nonbinary person, because everything around them is extremely binary focused. Maybe just every single space they find is either primarily binary trans men or binary trans women and its hard to feel included as the only nonbinary person, maybe conversations in these spaces are unconciously just extremely binary focused with little acknowledgement of nb experiences, maybe spaces say theyre nb friendly but by that they mean "women-lite nonthreatening usually afab", maybe theyre actively pushed out by enbyphonic trans people and actually told that these spaces arent meant for them, lotsa options youve probs heard before

then other trans people reading this experience are confused because, well, theres the exact OPPOSITE experience! every single trans group theyve tried to go to IRL is mostly filled with nonbinary people, they have trouble findig other binary people to connect to, maybe they encounter those same annoying ass "women-lite" nb spaces and have completely different problems with em, maybe they find spaces that either are actively hostile to them as a trans woman or as a trans man...

and the conclusion they come to is "okay, so that nonbinary person is crazy/whiney/lying because thats not how IRL trans spaces work" rather than "huh, seems like the local scene in their area is WAY different than my area, we kinda have the same issues in the opposite direction huh?"

and the same sorta thing happens when people talk about how their local scene is extremely transfem focused and they feel left out as a transmasc, or how their local scene is extremely transmasc focused and they feel left out as a transfem. "god it sucks how IRL trans spaces can be so fucking hostile to trans men" "what? no! every single space ive ever been to was mostly trans men, ive never found a space where I found other trans women to connect to!" and no one seems to realize/acknowledge that oh. these are Different Spaces we are talking about, their unique makeups and issues. people see something that contradicts their own experiences and they just dont know how to deal with it i guess.

bc idk it just seems like sometimes people are way too quick to assume "the way the local queer community works in MY TOWN is the way it works EVERYWHERE" because. Well, I understand! your world is dictated by your experiences, and if youve been hurt by the people who SHOULD make up your local community, i get extrapolating that this is how the whole world is! but when it leads to people just dismissing other peoples experiences because "well, thats not what IVE seen when i go to support groups..." its. frustrating.

[lemonlightt]

qsmp hcs because i am so normal and not hyperfixated

(consisting of mariana, slimecicle, jaunaflipa, tilin, philza, chayanne, missa but i will add some of other streamers once i catch up on them & if i don't get flamed by the qsmp community. once qsmp expands more i may make another one of these (i will make another one of these in 2 weeks i have no thoughts but qsmphELPME!11!!1!!))

(i also have added some hcs i've seen on tumblr/twitter because they're all i can think about. btw looking for qsmp friends plsplspls i'm so lonely)

qcharlie is a demon and has absolutely no idea of it and progressively gains little demonic traits everytime he makes a deal

meanwhile qmariana is an angel and hold onto your seats guys this one is an absolute shocker! has absolutely no idea of it

everytime something awful happens to charlie (jauna dies, brutally scrambles tilin) his humansona becomes a little more unstable and he gets a little more sloshy - overtime he becomes straight up oobleck and gunks up the smp

qcharlie was raised in an environment that seemed like hell and it's responsible for the fact he doesn't really know how to be dad (his dad treated him like shit) and he's had no examples of healthy romantic relationships

qcharlie and qmariana are absolutely head over heels for eachother they're just losers and find it hard to express it adequately or meaningfully (this does not make them any less dysfunctional and annoying but they are my parental figures your honor)

qcharlie sews and knits and sewed a trans flag into each of their iconic clothing (qmariana's cape thingy, qcharlie's hearts and jauna's bows) he does the same for tilin as soon as he finds out they have the binary of none

qcharlie has been plotting qmariana's murder but qmariana is blind to it and all he cares about is hot steamy gay minecraft sex. they remind me of something but i can't put my finger on exactly what so if you can think of it tell me HJAHA

qcharlie would ADORE radiohead (specifically "nice dream" and "no surprises") (yes i am projecting, yes he is my favourite person and yes he is the only member to me i cant take it anymore)

jauna has golden highlights from her revival (think revivebur but stop thinking about revivebur)

jauna has vitiligo

jaunaflippa is allergic to dandelions but she will not hesitate to give them a blow and makes a little wish (usually about wanting her mom and dad to get along and be happy)

the jauna family get their glasses mixed up so they have to go through trial and error to find which prescription is theres (this takes 30 minutes because qcharlie and qmariana typically fight to the death over it/j)

when tilin died, jauna shared half of their bow with qquackity and keeps it tied neatly around her tail as a sentiment to her best friend but sometimes you'll catch her wearing it on one of her fingers. usually her pinkie (pinkie promise) or index finer

qcharlie and qmariana don't know how to braid in contrast to qwilbur who has spent hours experimenting with talullah to style her hair

qwilbur gives talullah a little walkman(?) thing for talullah to customise and records her cute little songs for her to listen to on the tapes when he's away from home

when qwilbur comes back from his travels, he will never ever fail to comes back with stories to tell, oneofakind gifts for talullah, songs for talullah to sing when she misses him, etc because that is simply how he loves

there is always music coming from talullah and qwilbur's home and it always brings joy to those who pass even if for just a moment

talullah has albinism

tallulah is disabled (canon examples: she has a different model to the rest of the eggs, she's clumsy and a little slow, her wings are underdeveloped) (she's basically just like me fr)

qmissa and qphilza are literally eldritch creatures. they look like the mothman fucker. they are a terrifying duo. here's a perfect example

qmissa is like 9'5 and qphilza is 5'2

qphil tells qmissa about his giant wife who is the god of death and is beautiful and qmissa doesn't believe his platonic husband could pull (spoiler alert he is proven wrong)

chayanne despises qwilbur because qmissa can play guitar better

chayanne dyes his hair pink to match techno and/or wears a little skull. techno is his hero and he is JUST like him frfr

speaking of which, when chayanne first killed a mob, qmissa helped turn it into a skull mask like his own and techno's. chayanne feels more confident wearing it and therefore never takes it off / alternatively qmissa made him a little mask from chayanne's eggshell

chayanne's favourite time of the day is when qphil tells him stories about techno

chayanne is nv like the rest of the eggs but is definitely more vocal than tilin for example (flaps his hands, exclaims excitedly, laughs a lot)

talullah and tilin are twins

tilin is part of the qquackity x qcharlie club upon finding out about the millions of failed attempts of qcharlie trying to flirt with qquackity

i dont think tilin hates qcharlie for what he did but i think they sure make his life a living hell/t

also tilin and jauna are in heaven with techno and they all bully trump. they make a circle around his cowering body and run around in circles while holding hands (this is a joke but not really)

general hcs that apply to all members/eggs:

there's few resources for clothing so the egg parents pass down their clothes to their eggs and the eggs mixnmatch it

the eggs use sign language to communicate as well as signs and doodles or use those little tablets with tts that nv people often use to communicate

extra: techno because he's my favourite character and isn't even in the smp!11!!11!1

techno is a sort of spirit and haunts his family, especially chayanne. he watches over all of the eggs. he hears all the little stories phil tells about him to his eggs. he'll hear chayanne say something he'd say and he goes YOOOOOOOOOOOOO excitedly and goes THATS MY BOY!!! uncle techno takes the eggs in when they get scrambled. when chayanne and talullah died techno gave them their lives back because it broke his heart to see them die just like that.

[wishywashy-14]

been a long time since I've commented on any queer topics/discourse but this one keeps coming back.

i could not give a flying fuck about someone being "contradictory" or "unconventional" n their queerness.

trans dude lesbian? rock on, dude.

bun/bunself pronoun user? awesome.

non binary person using she/he and mixed fem/masc terms with themselves? be free, my guy.

unlabelled? im kissing you. i love you, thank you, you're beautiful.

Being queer is weird. it is in our current world still a weird and strange thing. So rather than harrassing some random person because they don't fit your idea of "the correct way to be gay" (WHICH BTW THERE IS NO CORRECT WAY, THERES JUST BEING.) put your time and effort into something more useful, like yknow, actually tackling the very real threats towards queer people? especially queer poc and transgender people who are consistently being scrutinised and targeted?

you don't have to actually agree with everyone, but forcing people to conform to be a specific label in a specific way stands to oppose everything that the queer community has strived towards.

[towerologia]

im convinced i already sent you an ask abt this but i cannot find it so maybe i hallucinated it? i am rewriting it cuz you are my coolest mutual and also bc its not like i can tell anyone in real life abt this

im Convinced my partner is at least partially transfem but its like. please how do i help em crack their egg

like for context some of the things that they do is: have extremely long hair, loves it when i call em a girl, loves to be called pretty, was so happy when i made em try my dresses, wanted me to put makeup and nailpolish on em, said that theyre fine with any pronouns, straight up told me they tought they were trans for like a week many years ago.... but they still call themselves a cis man

dont get me wrong i have brought this up w em like, as gently as i could, and they said that they kinda knew i had suspicions, and they questioned their gender too, but they are 99% sure theyre not trans. they continue to say they like any pronouns and smile so much when i use feminine pronouns w em.

so on one hand im like. this is your life, and obvs i cant force labels onto you, and sometimes people are just gender noncomforming. on the other hand, im preeeeeeeeettyvsure theres something deeper going on and i want to help my partner but i have no idea what to do

also its not like they dont have enough exposure to trans people, me and the other person in our friend group are both trans :p

I mean, honestly, let em know that they dont have to be a binary trans woman to be trans. If they feel fine with the label of cis man that is fine too! But you dont have to be uncomfortable or unhappy with your gender to be trans, often times someone with a more loose presentation might wonder for a long time because they dont fit the marks, but think 'im fine like this so i guess im not'. The thing is that it can be fine like that, surely, but it can be wonderful when trying other stuff. Honestly just let em know you'd hold their back whatever label they pick, and that labels are fluctuant and not something you gotta pick and stick with it. Also, they could simply not use any labels at all. One could be like 'well i dont think im a trans woman, i dont think im nonbinary, im def not a trans man because thats not my anatomy, so i guess im just cis', and while thats fine too, theres the option to simply be queer, or unlabeled. Let em know that they dont gotta pick something with any rush, that they dont need to define themselves in a word to fit in a twitter bio. If they find cis man descriptive for them, thats also wonderful! I find a lot of joy in seeing cis men use any pronouns and present femeninely. Someday in the future they might go for smth else, and it doesnt make their cis man-ness less true to who they are now, and their autodefinition of 'cis man' now isnt less because of what they might pick next. Make sure they know its a matter of preference and comfort, rather than discomfort and guidelines. Make sure they can be whoever they want around you, which im sure you already do. Talk to them about how they feel, ask them about what the labels they use mean to them and share about the labels you use and the meaning these have for you. We have all the options in the world, always, me, you, them, everyone else who exists. Nothing is permanent and a small change could signify a big joy. Im sorry if this is a big paragraph of 'just be yourself 🏳️‍🌈 :)', i could probably be of more help if i knew them but alas i hope this is something at least!

[lighthousegod]

Recently, my cis lesbian roommate made a comment about "he/theys" that kinda stuck with me. She said these people, on her dating app, were matching with her and ignoring that she had lesbian in her bio.

We'd had convos about whether trans mascs and trans men could be lesbians (im a transmasc person, but not a lesbian, although ive identified with the label before), and I'm all for he/him lesbians and trans men who are lesbians- I've researched, I know Stone Butch Blues, I don't think telling anyone they can or can't be anything is right.

So this sorta stuck with me. I went, "but. They probably identify as nonbinary if they use they, and even if they don't, trans guys sometimes ID as lesbians too." And she was like "well, but I'm not attracted to masculine people." And I brought up that she does usually like butch lesbians (who definitely use other pronouns besides she/her sometimes!), and she sorta brushed me off, saying there was a different "vibe" between transmascs who use he/they and butches (even though they... sometimes are the transmascs she's talking about???)

So I was like "well, do you have 'looking for femmes' in your bio or something?"

"No."

"Then how are they supposed to know??"

"I don't know it's just my preference!!"

It was super. Odd. I should say, my roommate is cis but uses she/he pronouns. She is, in fact, a lesbian who uses he/him sometimes, as he identifies as bigender *but not a man, ever.

I just find this all so confusing. I mean, let's think about it, fr.

So the popular idea today is that lesbians cannot be men, so trans men can't be lesbians.

Now, here's what that implies: if trans men can't be lesbians, then they are always in the same category as cis men. Now, of course, some trans men ARE in that category, usually binary trans men- and they're all men, right, so every man is under that umbrella. But still, gender isn't so simple. Trans men and transmascs have vastly different experiences between each other and especially cis men. This isn't to do with internal identity, but outward perception. Regardless of whether I'm a man or not, the world has seen me as a woman all my life. That makes it very hard to be accepted and comfortable in mlm spaces, especially when theres so much transphobia in the cis gay community. Plenty of trans men are stealth, or simply have a supportive community, and are welcomed like a cis man would be. But that's not the case for everyone, and not every trans man WANTS to be treated in the same way a cis man might.

But whatever, okay, let's go with that. Trans men are men and lesbian means non-man attracted to non-man, so they're not included cause it's invalidating to (some) trans men, regardless of if they've identified with the label lesbian for years or feel unsafe in mlm spaces bc of how overwhelmingly cis they can be, or whatever else.

So... what about nonbinary men, then? Nonbinary women seem to be accepted, not just nb fems but those who identify as both nonbinary AND a woman- so why are nonbinary men not?

"Because they have man in their identity and lesbians can't like men"

So.. what about bigender people? People who are both men AND women. They can't be lesbians? I guess not.

But let's say they can, and we're just excluding binary trans men from the term lesbian..

People often bring up "would you accept a cis man identifying as a lesbian?" As an arguing point here. Bringing it back to my original point, would you accept a "he/they"? What if they were amab, and had no interest in transitioning? Or a transmasc person who DID? I just saw a transfem lesbian saying she couldn't possibly let trans men with full beards into lesbian spaces as it was transphobic and wrong- aren't there transfem lesbians who don't want to shave or get their face lasered? What do sex characteristics have to do with it? I thought we were trying to avoid labels based on that sort of thing.

So at the end of the day, I guess it really is about the label of "man." What's that even mean? That's literally just a word. I'm so confused.

[wormchaser]

i think theres actually a conversation to be had about the space in gender politics (in the sense of feminism and the manosphere) that is occupied by trans men. trans women and nonbinary people too of course, but i think trans men have a unique position where we dont get to choose to be what society deems a man, only work towards it as an end goal, and while this is true for trans women also (and nonbinary people; though they may not have an end goal to achieve to the same way binary trans people do), the way it manifests in trans men because of society's idea of what a man is, an interesting thing to think about.

the phenomenon of trans men who possess racist, misogynistic, homophobic or transphobic opinions is something that i see a lot and experienced myself with my own little transmed phase. the reasons these things happen are not just personal but societal. i mean, i used to have some intrusive thoughts borne of dysphoria which told me that if i just gave up on being a leftist or furthering my political understanding in a compassionate way, and instead just chose to hold simple, easy, masculine, right wing politics then people would believe im a man. this isnt true, of course, but i think a lot of trans men fall into similar pitfalls.

[foxfairy06]

ok this might be a long one but theres something specific i see most transmeds say that i dont understand

so. obviously a lot of transmeds are anti-nonbinary, so thanks for not being one of those types! however, i take issue with the idea that you can only be nonbinary if youre dysphoric

assuming "nonbinary" just as, like, an alternative to male/female (simplifying nb identity for the sake of argument), why would someone need to have body dysphoria? social dysphoria around names/titles/pronouns is one thing, but needing physical dysphoria seems inconsistent

like. say you have "Sean", an AFAB nonbinary person. Sean is dysphoric and wants a flat chest and the effects of testosterone.

and you also have "Charlie", an AMAB nonbinary person. Charlie has exactly the same sense of gender as Sean does, including how they want to look. As such, Charlie is non-dysphoric, as they already have a flat chest and a deep voice/beard/etc

if you need dysphoria to be nonbinary, why should Charlie be excluded from the label when their gender is the same as Sean's?

I'm aware that, for some, socisl dysphoria is enough to "count" as trans. But the majority of (allegedly) nonbinary inclusive transmeds claim that body dysphoria is required (and ive been here since 2012 - ive spoken to a LOT of transmeds)

to me, it feels like transmed ideology waters down nonbinary identity, even those of the nonbinary people they claim to accept, for the sake of trying to find a reason people are trans. paradoxically, it feels like they see nb people as man-lite/woman-lite, while still denying that someone can identify as nonbinary men or nonbinary women.

sorry its so long lol, this has just bothered me for a long time and im yet to get an internally consistent answer

The issue is because we believe there are binary bodies, and a male body is not nonbinary. In order to be dysphoric for a nonbinary body, using agender or nullsex as an example, you would want an androgynous voice, an AMAB enby might use estrogen, and AFAB enby might use testosterone. Yes, an AFAB might want top surgery, and an AMAB wouldn't, but they're both just as binary, because transition isn't limited to top dysphoria. Charlie, unless he experiences a strong dysphoria regarding his self social perception, which is based not on gender roles, but how you perceive others to perceive you in relation to your sex, would not be nonbinary, they would be cis. Nonbinary isn't an "alternative identity", it's just an existence that doesn't meet one of the poles of the binary based gender spectrum, which is based in a series of sexual traits.

I'd also like to point out that supporting enban isn't at all rare among transmedicalists, it just depends on the source. Most nonradical transmed consider excluding enben a radical belief. r/transmedical is an example of a radical space and r/truscum is not, for example.

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

Ah fuck now im thinking abt how fuckin lonely it is 2 be transmasc. Bc suddenly all my girl friends see me as Something Else and a fucking Threat even tho im literally the same fucking person only happier. And like how. When i wanted to explore femininity as a girl, my friends loved to show me everything and do my makeup and whatever and like now theyre like. Are you sure ?? Dont you think that will make you uncomfortable LIKE UR THE ONE MAKING IT UNCOMFORTABLE !!!! IM THE SAME IM THE SAME IM THE SAME AS I WAS BEFORE I JUST GOT A NEW HAT AND NOW U ALL HATE ME !!!! and its not like i have boys to go to either because if anything, im now friends with LESS guys than i was before transitioning. Because before i was just a girl and like yea there were a ton of sexist guys who didnt really see me as their equal, but they saw me atleast as a Person. But now its like. Im not one of the girls they can tolerate, im claiming to be one of the boys ??? But it doesn't fucking fit for them because like. Im still at the equality level of a girl but even LESS now. Why cant i just be a Normal girl or a Normal guy. Why do i have to be a guy that also looks and acts like a girl according to the rules in their head ??? LIKE ITS SO FUCKING ANNOYING. I DONT WANT TO BE ONE OD THE GIRLS I DONT WANNA BE ONE OF THE BOYS I WANNA BE ONE OF THEM !!! JUST FUCKING ANYONE !!! BUT NOBODY SEES ME AS ON THEIR SIDE BC GIRLS WHO TRY SOOO HARD 2 BE "TRANS INCLUSIVE" ALSO CANT LET GO OF THEIR IDEAS OF "MAN = DANGEROUS AND BAD AND OTHER" SO HOW DO THEY BE INCLUSIVE OF ME ???? BY TREATING ME LIKE FUCKING SCUM !!!!! SO I CANT BE ONE OF THE GIRLS ANYMORE BECAUSE IM "DANGEROUS". BUT IM SURE AS HELL NOT PART OF THE BOYS BECAUSE IM FUCKING OPPOSITE PINOCCHIO AND NOT A REAL GODDAM BOY EVEN THO HES WOOD AND IM FUCKING FLESH AND BONE MOTHERFUCKER !!!!! AND NOW THERES SOME SECRET CODE TO BOTH SIDES I CANT SEEM TO FIGURE OUT AND IT DOESNT FUCKING HELP THAT IM AUTISTIC TOO DOES IT ????? SO LIKE. ALL I HAVE ARE OTHER TRANS PEOPLE BECAUSE EVEN MY CIS FRIENDS JUST DONT SEE ME AS EQUAL. THEY TRY SOOOOO HARD TO FIT ME IN ANY OF THEIR BOXES TO THE POINT I HAVE TO JUST TRY SOOO HARD TO ACT LIKE IM A FULLY BINARY GUY JUST SO THEY CAN STOP SEEING ME AS A FULLY BINARY GIRL. BUT IM NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS MOTHERFUCKER BUT I CAN BARELT EVEN TELL MY TRANS FRIENDS THAT BECAUSE THEYVE FUCKING INVENTED ANOTHER BOX WHERE THEY ASSUME NONBINSRY MEANS A THIRD FUCKING GENDER AND IT DOESNT !!!! WHEN I EXPLAIN MY GENDER IT DOESNR MEAN I NEED YOU TO SAY "soooooo youre genderfluid" NO IM ME IM ME IM FUCKING ME DONT YOU FUCKUNG GET IT IM DRESSING UP IN FUN CLOTHES BUT YOURE 5 AGAIN AND SAYING IM A GIRL FOR WEARING PINK AND A BOY FOR WEARING BLUE !!!!! IM WEARING A FUCKING PINK SHIRT AND BLUE SHOES WHAT DO YOU WANT MOTHERFUCKER IM EVEYTHING IM NOTHING IM JUST FUCKING ME !!!!

[the-trans-advice-blog]

Hi there 👋

Not sure how to start this, but this seems like a good place to go for advice.

I'm AFAB, but I've never felt all that girlish. Not necessarily in a tomboyish or trans way, but more in a "theres barely a difference in gender, who gives a shit" kinda way. Like, "idgaf about all ur gender expectations just let me vibe" typa stuff. And I do like "girly" things, like sparkles and pink and dresses. But even when I dressed up all girly in skirts and makeup, it never felt like "dressing as a girl", more like, just wearing clothes as me. Sometimes wearing dresses feels more like drag than it feels like genuine femininity to me. And dressing up "masc" seems sort of like my default.

I'd never put much thought into it, just kinda "yeah i like my hair short and yeah itd be easier if i was born a dude and yeah i want my boobs gone but thats like, whatever. i got more important things to deal with" and i just kinda shoved those thoughts to the side. But its getting harder to ignore lately. My boobs just piss me off and the thought of them being gone brings me a lot of joy. Every time I look in the mirror theyre like an obstacle blocking what I really look like. I've bought a few binders but they dont help much (curse you, size Fs). And lately, whenever people refer to me as a lady/girl/woman etc it just feels wrong and uncomfortable. I keep accidentally referring to myself with masc pronouns in my head and sometimes out loud.

But I don't want to go on T and I don't want to transition socially cos that seems like way too much of a hassle, and even without boobs I'd never be able to pass. I've delved a bit into some trans info, but I rlly just wanted to hear an actual trans person's thoughts as sadly I don't know any irl. It's all a little frustrating and confusing and I have no idea if I'm actually some flavour of trans or just a cis girl who's getting confused or wants to be "special". I'm sorry if this is bothering you in any way, but I appreciate any advice you've got. Thanks for taking the time to read regardless!!

Hey friend! You can choose to present any way you want without being trans, even if you decide to get surgery. You could also be non-binary! I’m not telling you what you are or aren’t because I can’t make that choice for you. I would say experimenting is the easiest way to find out what feels good. Change your name on tumblr, experiment with your clothes. Ultimately though, choosing to identify with being trans is up to you.

[macgyvertape]

FF14 Stormblood thoughts

Lets see, I posted my running commentary on wrapping up Heavensward in Oct '22 so it's been a while. My friend and I got busy and took a break from the game.

A long time ago I forget who posted:

“#do new players know any opinion they have about stormblood is basically akin to #someone finishing da for the first time this year and saying they have some thoughts about anders they'd like to tell you about #like cool it's understandable you have these thoughts. i however am running for the hills”

which now that I've finished Stormblood I understand, and that's with skipping a bunch of non MSQ stuff.

I'm so excited for Shadowbringers, it was impossible for me to dodge spoilers since people I follow for D2 were posting about it, so I'm going into it knowing a lot of the big spoilers while the friend I play with has no idea. So I was very excited to see a certain skunk haired character pop up post expansion patch.

Actual running commentary on Shadowbringers below, I'm so glad I took notes for when I took a break

Wow so theres swimming in this new city?

I know vaguely who Zenos is and he’s the main antagonist. Just waiting for him to be introduced since the antagonist in the beginning is a joke of a dude with a hammer

Zenos shows up with like a golf club bag of swords, I know this dude is supposed to be this game’s attempt at Sepiroth but I’m not impressed

It was very easy to predict that some of the people we just did quest for were going to die. But damn something happens to Y'shtola every expansion 

This storyline is very serious and draws on real world issues, which could not be more of a contrast to my friend and I playing it as we hangout and eat dinner

Fighting an unwinnable fight with my 2 applicable WHM damage spells. Sure he slashed me up but I feel like in universe I can heal tank through anything but a drugged drink

Wow the Black Rose is some serious warcrimes chemical warfare. 

I thought Lolorito was dead what’s a dude working for him doing here

Fuck this fish-dude with the bell. Its totally personal

Wow so the imperial viceroy is a asshole who has people kill their family for displeasing her. Really casting the imperials as absolute monsters

Wow huge underwater sections, also didn’t know the dragon-ppl lived underwater

The more Yotsuyu talks the more I’m like “hmm maybe Ilberd had a point”

Susano is a delight, he’s just hamming it up

Huh so apparently Kurenai is the real princess and the person we fought was the body double, I’m going to continue this questline even though it isn’t worth it exp wise just to see how this plays out

Gotsetsu returning to the village: not sure if the intent was to have him be naive, but he comes off as an asshole with talking about how he is owed hospitality and complaining about the tone people talk to him in. Like dude, the whole village is going to face deadly repercussions if you’re seen.

I didnt realize there was a wolf-person race. Why can’t we play as them?

I thought Yugiri was gonna die when we fought Zenos round 2. Guess he’s one of those trope “lives for a strong fight”.  

Took a week break then coming back to another new faction with Cirina kinda feels like its killing the momentum

I wasn’t expecting this Sun cult, Magnai is such an asshole, like fuck off with the slavery and a double fuck you with the sexism

Gosetsu is so arrogant, like if he would just shut up things would go so much more smoothly

Is Koko and Sadu of the Dotharl trans or non binary? Great if they are. Like their belief in reincarnation seems pretty understandable if you factor in the later lore about sundered beings being shards of each other and merging over time

Can’t believe we’re letting this empire dude run away for a second time

Yotsuyu had sad childhood backstory, still not sympathetic for the injustices she commits now. 

Hien is gonna flood Doma Castle, i know this is like a historical tactic but all I’m thinking of is Rains of Castamere

Damn Gosetsu got taken out by a falling rock (ceiling), how anti climatic I’m not really torn up about it because all the characters just stood around talking

I’m gonna really hope Hien actually killed Yotsuyu with that sword blow

At first i thought some of the questnames were coincidences, but no Doma part of Stormblood has a fair amount of Hamilton references

Oh no Krile, feels like a real kick the dog moment for Fordola

Summoning a primal to bring back a dead child, the question isn’t if this will go poorly but the extent of how poorly it will go. (Although you can resurrect people in battle so I guess thats gameplay and story difference)

I appreciate how Allisaie tried another option

The Shri Lakshmi mechanics were hard and annoying, most challenging fight in a while

Big fire the death star vibes for Fordola, also I just realized she has thigh high tights with the gap between the skirt. WHY instead of armor like other characters get

A randomly appearing Estinien, how did he know to come here? Why now? I have no idea but what a cool entrance, this is the hottest he’s ever been

Does Fordola have the fuckin sharigan?!

Lyse looks hot in the new dress but its the most impractical thing for a fight wtf. Its total fanservice, player character and her fly towards eachother in what could easily be framed as a kiss then the achievement is called “cheek to cheek”

Key to Victory is the quest type I hate where I don’t have firm directions where to go and I got instawiped by the npc followers getting close to the wrong enemy. Wish I could start on very easy

So we freed Krile, what about the rest of the people in the pods?

Zenos turns into the primal dragon that used to be Ilberd, talk about desecrating Ilberd’s belief in using the power to fight the empire

This is a very anticlimatic ending to 4.0. I’m not emotionally tied to Zenos either enjoying him as a villain or hating him as a rival, more like “ah not this asshole again lets see who wins the fight by virtue of plot armor” 

So Zenos killed himself after getting 1 good fight, but I know he’ll be back. I’m imagine my character standing there like the Saitama “ok” face

Ok so Estinian stabbing the eyes means Lahabrea and Igeyorhm are super dead

Guess Elidibus stole Zenos’ body. They should have burned it

Nero being Cid’s ex is the funniest way to interpret him joining the Ironworks

Why is this Arnevald guy talking like he knows me

All of the above written before Jan 2023 and then I took a break till November

Got back into the game and its like “here’s a backstory about a guy who was the product of sexual assault from an occupying military force and his horrible childhood” and then “here’s Fordola’s sad backstory where her father was stoned to death by a mob for collaborating while he was protecting her”.

So that’s really sad, then the next quests are the Sultana’s backstory and “go to the golden saucer, try not to get distracted, challenge impossible”

The orb dissipation duty sucks, I just failed it so I could do it on very easy mode

Me: Alphinaud is gonna fuck up paying for this sword, he’s talking to a pawn broker. 30 min later: yeah he fucked up

Patch 2 sure is my least favorite, I don’t like Gosetsu or Yotsuyu 

Wow not a surprise  the Imperial diplomat is also an imperial zealot, and he’s Yotsuyu’s brother meaning that whole family tree is fucked up

Me: guess the Tsukuyomi wasn’t so infinite. My friend: One Piece was a better anime

The camera really emphasizes Asahi’s crazy eyes and obsession with Zenos. Funny since Zenos then is obsessed with the Warrior of Light

This Garlean with a bunch of Ascian mask trophies is kind of intimidating, but he much have just killed the weak sundered ones. I have no idea who he is, but funnily I know what Ascain is running around as Zenos

Extremely annoying 2 part solo duty that I had to redo when almost getting to the very end, followed by very funny Y'shtola shooting down a guy who had the hots for her

Hell yeah Exarch showing up, now the fun begins because I’m very spoiled on Shadowbringers and my fiend has no clue 

Me: Mr nap time himself! My friend: whose this guy. Such a fun intro with Emet being mean to his family and hamming it up, where he’s ???? until the name Solus is dropped

I appreciate the non serious tune and amount of dutch angles in his intro

Oh shit the Ascian hunter is Gaius (not Balter), I didn't recognize him at all since the part of his old mask around the eyes was white I thought that was his skin color

Oh I’ve been mispronouncing Emet-Selch with a ch sound. Also lmao he takes time to be mean to Varis

Ok after the 2 part negotiation with Varis I want to see Solus bully Varis some more. He deserves it

My friend doesn’t recognize the Crystal Exarch from the brief bit at all, if he didn’t remember who Lahabrea is then no chance he recognizes G’raha Tia except that G’raha has been in Dawntrail marketing 

Damn so Stormblood ends with a fade to black and then a jumpscare evil Varis grin…

Post quest cutscene: Zenos bodyhopping I guess

[fight-nights-at-freddys]

gender euphoria is a thing! it’s a very common thing among all kinds of trans people. also like.. some people just feel like they’re trans? doesn’t need to involve anything else, if the person feels they’re trans, who are you to tell them they’re not? doesn’t matter if they have dysphoria or euphoria, if someone says they’re trans, then it’s generally a good idea to believe and respect them. you don’t know someone’s inner workings regarding how or why they feel like they’re trans, nor are you entitled to know. no one has the right to tell a trans person that they’re not trans, even if you’re trans yourself.

I mean, yeah, it’s super rude to call people not trans to their faces. Thats why I’m not going into any blog with a non binary person going “I think you’re lying” because thats an actually god awful thing to say and do, and I’d be a terrible person as well.

And I myself don’t know much about gender euphoria, but from what I do know is that with euphoria there has to be dysphoria. Everyone is different, but theres a whole reason why most people don’t like dressing up in a way that doesn’t make them look like their gender.

But not every one is trans, I personally believe that everyone has a bit of dysphoria, but its never to the extreme with trans people, because they’re mentally in the wrong body, ofc they’re going to experience it.

I guess the problem is with my understanding, I don’t understand why someone would call themselves trans if they don’t have dysphoria.

[computerpeople]

im venting about being a bigender bisexual person and it includes gender politics don't fight me on this post its about personal experience

i dont understand how a lot of people understand that transphobia is a thing, lesbophobia is a thing, misogyny is a thing, but then suddenly shit themselves when transmascs bring up how misogyny intersects their experience as a trans person. i don't believe in "transandrophobia" or whatever the fuck its called, because that implies that they're being attacked for being a man, or being masculine specifically. like no shit that's not whats going on, you're being attacked for being a "wrong girl" sorry to say. and theres this weird fucking idea that transmasc = binary passing male, and that acknowledging any misogyny that they go through is inherently misgendering them (even though misogyny effects everyone in different ways because of how prevalent it is) so lets forget about the binary transmen for a second

whgat about me? what about people like me. the fat transmascs who don't pass but have transitioned medically enough that people can VISUALLY TELL youre transgender. i bind all the time, i have facial hair, i have an insane amount of body hair, i have an androgynous voice. i dress however the hell i want, sometimes masculine, sometimes feminine. and i have no interest in being stealth, or "passing" for societies standards, i have no interest in being a binary man. but i get mistreated all the fucking time, im seen as a fat, ugly, "wrong looking" woman. i take pride in it, but you need to understand that people fucking hate "wrong looking" women. that's literally a part of misogyny. so why am i expected to not talk about my own experiences with misogyny as a transmasc person. its just fucking irritating. so much of my girlhood is defined by being a "wrong looking" woman, or a "wrong acting" woman, and i am so proud of it. i am so fucking proud of identity in that. im just like my mom, and she deserves to feel beautiful and loved and amazing in all the ways i do. but even in queer spaces, if i acknowledge that, i'm "misgendering myself" ir "invalidating myself" or that i wouldn't really understand what its like to be a woman because i never really was one. yes i was! and she still lives through me, shes still fucking in me! she never went away! and shes happy to look like a man! she wants it all the same as i want it because she is me and i still face misogyny and transphobia because of it all the fucking time. and it's such a weird experience to live in this weird space where im too trans to be a woman, too womanly to be a transmasc, too much of a MAN LOVING MAN to be a "transmasc lesbian" but too much of a WOMAN LOVING WOMAN to be a "transfag" and too "binary" on BOTH sides to be anything inbetween. even in the MOST QUEER spaces and the most accepting areas, people assume im a transfem? which is okay, but then people automatically assume its only she/her or that im a "queen" or only gender me as a woman. and when i correct them i can physically feel the attitude change, despite the fact that i also still fucking identify as a woman. it fuckinbg sucks

[nothorses]

i remember reading a fictional lesbian romance book where a straight woman falls in love with someone over text before realizing that shes been texting a butch lesbian. it was a cute story, but one part always bothered me. theres one part where the two go on a date, and a waiter misgenders the butch lesbian before realizing that shes a woman, then apologies profusely. the butch lesbian doesnt really mind, but the "straight" woman gets really upset and angry over it, thinking about how "women can look like anything, and dont have to be feminine to be women" and that sorta thing.

what annoyed me a lot was that she wasn't angry at the idea of just gender being assumed onto strangers, but that she (or rather her girlfriend) just happened to be the one inconvenienced by it. like yeah women CAN look like anything, so maybe we should stop assuming everyones gender in general?? plus the waiter immediately apologized so they weren't even being rude about it

the whole scene just makes me think of passing (binary) trans people who dont want to get rid of the whole assuming stranger's genders based on appearance or voice, because it makes them feel good that they pass, but literally hurts every nonbinary, nonpassing, or gnc trans person, and it made me kinda frustrated and annoyed.

Yeah, I think there's something to be said for the fact that assuming gender neutrality can be dysphoria inducing for some people. Especially people who often have it forced on them as a method of degendering, or denying their genders; Ive definitely had people use they/them pronouns, or sometimes chose to call me "Grey" instead of "Greyson", because they're unwilling to acknowledge my manhood. And I've seen people who use it/its pronouns discuss how it can feel like misgendering to have they/them assumed, because oftentimes folks will use those pronouns for them as a way of avoiding the use of it/its for their own personal comfort.

And there is definitely a phenomena that people are often touching on here where, like, cis people will initiate pronoun sharing exclusively because one trans person is present. Which might be fine for some folks, and for others can feel like drawing attention to the fact that they don't fully pass.

But thats also not something we can really avoid by defaulting to assuming gender, either. I think there might be more nuanced, context-based solutions (ex: you meet someone you have been told is a trans woman, you haven't been given pronouns yet, she's very binary and obviously presenting that way, you can probably assume she uses she/her at first). But they aren't catch all, and imo it's still by far best practice to avoid assuming and normalize asking. Over time, it'll hopefully feel less like degendering, too.

I just want to avoid assuming that everyone who feels uncomfortable with that in the meantime is being malicious about it. Folks can have their discomfort, talk about it, and also still acknowledge that avoiding that assumption is best practice overall.