#ITS GOOD INTROSPECTION!! WE LOVE TO SEE IT!! AND YOU /DO/ LOOK COOL IN THE OUTFIT HELL YEAH!!!

[volivolition]

i dont think this is going to fit in the tags so im just going to preemptively type up here hkjgh <3 TL;DR: how does it feel to be so correct about everything ever hjhgjk

I ALSO PULLED FROM THAT BLOG HGKJHG i always enjoyed how they broke down their analyses, also the way they described Mages of Breath as "balancing that delicate balance between walking and flight" hit the nail on the head for me hkjfh <33

i also dont like gendered classes, i think its just homestuck being a product of its time, there's a wide expanse of gender identity and limiting specific ways of "here's how i interact with my aspect" to certain genders is a very constrictive way of working with it hkjdh its a restriction i adamantly ignore, one of my old ocs is a lord of hope and my god she kicks ass hkjgh <3 ALSO TRUE WHAT IF ITS JUST TRANSLATION ERROR HKJGHDH

YES!! YEAH!!! i ALWAYS think about this, the whole point of sburb is general just character development while you create a new universe, it generates a personal hero's journey for each player down to your land and classpect, and homestuck subverts it in order to create a narrative, but in general, that's what sburb is about!! (HKJGH WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT ULTIMATE SELVES THANK YOUUU <3) who do you want to grow into? how do you want to better yourself? thats so cool, reconciling who you were and how you've changed by going god tier wowowow… THE DEATH TAROT CARD!! REBIRTH AND CHANGE!!! it really is just character arc speedrun any%, huh? hkjhg

OH FOR REAL i was originally a Maid of Hope but FUCK I HATE DRESSES so i just gave myself really flowy pants hkjhg (now im a Mage of Breath so the pants are normal for me) god tiers outfits are made to be comfortable and fit who you've grown to become, they should be personalized to your specific tastes <33

I LOVE THE ASPECT WHEEL HKGJH i did a school essay about it once actually hkjhg how each aspect has a counter that thus reveals more about the counter aspect through knowing what it's not, aND ALSO YEAH, the way that both aspects come into play, princes and bards ghosting their aspect and acting more like their opposite aspect, and mages having to balance too much and too little of their aspect (<- is a mage hkjfh) i LOVEEEE aspects ruahgh <33

SYLPH OF HEART!!!! its always hard to classpect real people because we're always ever-changing, not like fictional characters, we're a lot more complicated and multi-faceted, BUT YET!! WE TRY!! :] i LOVE heart players, lots of good introspection into identity!! and im happy to read about sylphs, they're one of the classes i didn't focus on other than "oh yeah healing class!!" so its interesting to read your perspective on it!! :D <3 (BELIEVE ME THE AUDIENCE IS INTERESTED HKJHG <33) !!! that's such a fascinating take on the classpect, that it's more connections based!! :0 but also same, i love character dynamics and relationships, ALL OF THE BLORBOS SHOULD INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER HKJH <333

LOVELY ART!! we handshake on so many things but also 🤝 sona has a cool undercut B) <33 the bangles are so cute!! the pants puffing out and cinching at the ankle!! ough what a lovely design, full of whimsy <3

YES you'd be an excellent ally for a sburb game, a great support classpect!! healing the soul!! moral support hehe <33 I LOVE LANDS i love how they help facilitate your character arc quest through sburb... ough god theyre so interesting and they can tell a lot about the characters though maybe thats just my love of worldbuilding hjkhfkj ooh and maybe you'd have an underwater quest to symbolize going deep into introspection and finding calmness under the waves?? your land sounds so pretty <33

dude i LOVE monologues i love listening to classpect talk, its been so long since ive read up on it and mY GOD i love classpects so fucking much :] this is so cool HDKJH MY RESPONSE IS VERY LONG TOO this is just my way of showing people im listening hkjghg THANK YOU FOR ANSWERING!!!

HI <3 polite invitation to talk about your godtier and land thoughts for your characters if you want to!! i am sitting and listening intently :3 <3

Oh my god asfdgdgifgdb you don't know what you've done,,,,,

Long post incoming!!

So quick plug of an old blog that established a lot of my HS godtier opinions early on dahniwitchoflight so you can see a lot of where my context originates (esp. the godtier aspect masterpost) but with that out the way here we go

In terms of godtier opinions, I don't believe in gendered classes. I think that, socially, there may be a bias certain genders may have to certain classes (Muse and Lord, for example). But I don't believe that's an absolute. For one, there are more genders than the binary and people don't always identify as one forever. Secondly, I think to say that, for example, Lord is always aggressive and therefore only men can be Lords is uhhhhhhh,,, very stereotypical and simply doesn't encapsulate the range of human expression. Besides, isn't it more fun for the classes to be non-gendered using gendered human words? Who's to say the game mechanics of SBURB/sgrub are in english? There's gotta be some kind of translation errors or approximations going on in lore lmao

Related to this is that a godtier is meant to be a culmination of a character arc, the end reward of the 'ideal self' a character can be. This is not referring to 'ultimate' selves (i sincerely don't want to touch that concept at all) or even 'morally correct' selves - merely the best kind of self a character would want to be. The best you that you wanna be! Whether that means embracing your flaws or overcoming them, the godtier is the symbol of your growth as a person. Hence why to 'go godtier' you have to fuse your dreamself and awake self together, finally bringing together the two separate experiences you've lived as a player before this; your 'normal' life and your SBURB life. This also follows why death is a consistent theme and in fact needed for godtier ascension. You are killing or accepting the death of your former self in order to ascend into your new self, via combining everything you've learned into everything you'll be. It's supposed to be a positive, if traumatic, experience. Like changing and growing in life already is! Just faster lol

On a brief design point, I do think godtier outfits should also therefore change to fit the wearer and what they're comfortable with. I don't necessarily think that it should be like, witch skirt for girls but trousers for boys, I think that if a godtier outfit is your ideal self it should automatically change into whatever you'd be comfortable wearing. So if someone is a Witch, but doesn't mind wearing a skirt, then they'd ascend into the default Witch outfit. If they then wanted to change it they could through a thought. But if a Witch ascends and they hate skirts or maybe just cannot imagine wearing one then maybe it changes into shorts or something lol. I've actually done some alternate designs of godtiers along this line as it happens which you'll see in this post.

I also like the Aspect counterparts, that each one has an opposite, and while in canon that doesn't have much of an effect on the godtier design beyond the kids, I actually like the accessories and shoes on godtiers taking on the colours of their opposite Aspect. I like that it symbolises that even their opposite has an affect on the Aspect in question.

Now, this is all some lovely prose but what am I going on about? So, like all great and real scientists, I'll use myself as an example first.

...

Me - Sylph of Heart

So I've gone through many, many iterations of godtier introspection (started in Hope, have moved to Heart, Sylph has stayed pretty consistent but I still have doubts) and, of course, being a real life person this is the one that's evolved and changed the most as I have evolved and changed throughout my teens and adult life. But for the sake of analysis, I'll give my 'sona' or 'self-insert' the godtier to separate myself from the analysis and come at this more honestly.

Heart as an Aspect is all about Emotion and the Soul. As the opposite counterpart to the Aspect Mind (which is concerned with the brain, reason and, y'know, the mind lol), Heart players are more impulsive and driven by personal goals. It's all about the Inner Self, the Individual, what makes You Unique as opposed to everyone else in the world. It's Passion, it's Empathy, it's Understanding - about people, mostly. It's about Knowing Yourself and what you like or dislike. Your Heart, in a lot of ways, is the emotional centre and Heart players follow it to a T - and often to the detriment of everything else. It's not inaccurate to say Heart players come across as self-obsessed b/c they are concerned with discovering themselves and their own identity. None of these things come without drawbacks of course and none of this means Heart players don't care about others. They simply assume everyone else is just as obsessed with Finding themselves as they are. I mean, at their best, Heart players are compassionate, imaginative and a steady presence in life. But, uh, at their worst they can come across as dismissive, rigid or nosy lol Personally, as someone very driven by emotion and with a tendancy for introspection, to the point of contantly overthinking my feelings and second guessing my impulses, I feel comfortable in the Heart Aspect.

So Sylphs are talkers. Chatterboxes you could say. They're also one of two 'healer' classes and the active counterpart to Maid. Which yeah I'm aware I have a tendency to ramble. Sylphs are known to love talking about their interests to an audience, whether the audience is interested or not lmao. For a Sylph of Heart, that's mostly concentrated into the subject of Love and Relationships. Sylphs are also nosy little meddlers and so one interpretation of Heart could be a cupid-like matchmaker of sorts. I don't personally see that for myself but it's a valid interpretation.

Personally, I see myself as a person obsessed with Connection and the Relationships that make these connections stable. Friendship, romantic, QPR, you name it, I'm interested in the dynamics. In fiction and in fandom, this makes me a prolific shipper yes haha but most of all I love character interactions. I love filler episodes! And beach episodes! And regency romance! And slice of life isekai anime! B/c all those things prioritise character interaction and personal character arcs over plot or action or whatever haha. I love gentle drama and harmless gossip, I love watching two people get to know each other and be forever changed for having met one another and! I!! Love!!! My!!!! Friends!!!!!!!

Also the sylph outfit is cool af actually. In this image I've actually redesigned it to be a little more gender neutral hence the billowing trousers but I love the no sleeves and the curled shoes and the ribbon-y capelet thing lol. And the bangles!!

I have some ideas for godtier powers but they're not fleshed out yet, but for Sylph of Heart I imagine they'd have to power to 'heal the soul/heart' so to speak. To keep emotions steady in the heat of battle and to help heal mental or emotional wounds. They sound like a support class, like a buffer or healer.

Oh god this got long, I have some ideas for lands but I'll be honest it's almost entirely based on this post from dahni years ago (literally 10 years ago oh gods how long have I been here) b/c i really vibe with it so I have nothing new to really add lol. Maybe there'd be like pink lakes or maybe i'd have a coastal type planet with rough seas that symbolise riding the waves of emotion or something lmao

Hope you enjoyed this brief foray! I'll probably reblog this with a breakdown of the godtiers I've assigned to 4 of my dnd characters I did for fun so you can see my opinions on the Space, Time, Mind and Heart (again) aspects as well as the Maid, Page, Mage and Knight classes too. But for now I need to cook dinner lol

[almayver]

hi alma!!!!! i see you often rb phumpeem fics. do you have any personal favorites that you would like to recommend?

HI Anon!!!! OH BOY. Do you know who you sent this ask to? OF COURSE, I have personal favorites, and I'm very, very happy to gush about them, thank you dear anon.

So first I did a mini smut rec a couple of weeks ago (A MONTH AGO?? Time flies, damn) and I stand by all of those so here. All of them are very, very beautiful, and fun and have a lovely grasp on the characters and their relationship (Also if you are not reading Cole's omegaverse fic I urge you to fix that right now. I breathe for that fic)

Also, this has to be obvious by now, but I'm very biased, and I think that @thunder-point @alan-apologist and @therethatstar are gifts of the universe to fill our world with great writing. So yeah.

Muse - Very sweet take of phumpeem after the kiss. Love the imagery and the flow of it. Just really nice.

Around the sun - Different first meeting AU featuring absolutely smitten Phum!

reach for me a bit (this loop is infinite) - HYBRID AU MY BELOVED. Cole rewrote my brain chemistry with this one folks. I keep thinking about them. Its very sweet and lovely, with Peem being very protective and caring!

Now and forever - This one is just a very beautiful introspective look from Phum about his relationship with Peem and the group, and its sweet and a little smutty and just very beautiful and soft.

Tiny moments everyday - I'm fully cheating here because this is a TanFang fic, but you don't understand the emotions this fic made me feel. I'm always here for soulmates AU, people we need more We Are soulmates AUs. And Phumpeem are cute in the background

pretty in blue - GLORIOUS SMUT, courtesy of Alan of course no one is surprised. But also, OH MAN, this one is very sneaky and it's actually POETRY. You are like yay smut and then a line comes that makes you clutch at your chest and process the emotions. Once again its Alan so really we shouldn't be surprised.

I hope it's not the kind of rain that only soaks you for a little while - This one is a soft little hurt/comfort that took my heart. Very soft and sweet and beautiful.

your back beneath the sun, wishing i could write my name on it - Star wrote this “Phum thinks they are FWB” that was very beautiful and also had me cackling

Counting stars - and then @danonenen was inspired by that one to write a “Phum thinks they are FWB” that actually had me very emotional and feeling a lot for my sweet insecure boy.

Wild geese - A very cute short different first meeting AU with some lovely ruminations about love

My dog really digs you - This one is an ongoing multichapter that I'm so invested in! A bit of magic and curses and loneliness. So fun!

hand under my sweatshirt, baby, kiss it better - Star makes you feel like you are in this house party watching two strangers fall in love in real time and you will have the time of your life

in the cracks of light, i dreamed of you - A fic about soulmates. In the most beautiful way possible. This fic has my heart and soul and if you want my thoughts on it I keep leaving my ramblings on the comments. So go read it, weep, leave your own comment and read mine.

i got an appetite (you too, just maybe) - The famous and beloved lap sitting fic. Really really cool exploration about feelings, and desire. Just fun!!!

Not without you - I see this as a tribute to Peem. And its a truly beautiful one. Featuring insecure Phum and the friendship group being lovely as always

Take my self-control - Short fun different first meeting au (Yes i like different first meetings im aware).

When I look at you - A bit of a canon divergent fic about Peem drawing Phum. Very fluffy and fun.

Every day's a memory - This one to me is a classic. Just a collection of drabbles, not all of them phumpeem but all of them very lovely and sweet.

There are SO MANY more, and as always go to the AO3 phumpeem tag and have a look around because oh gods so many good fics! These are just the ones that stuck with me a bit. Also I will say some of the best fics are the ones that are being written here through a weird form of exquisite cadaver through asks and tags (like the hanahaki fic Cole is threatening my sanity with (yes i made the og post but she escalated the situation)). So def check the tag here and try to catch some of those because oh gods they are glorious.

Thanks for giving me the chance to rant about phumpeem fics because i do love to do it!

[klaissance]

Do you have any dad klance headcannons?

Thank you so much for asking dear sweet asker I appreciate you so much. I actually,,, lowkey don't? Dad!Klance is not something I think about that much, I think bc as a teenage girl in my 20s I am not in a parent/family space that often BUT FOR YOU IMMA TRY HERE WE GO:

for starters I think they're really good at it let's get that straight from the jump

Lance always wanted to be a parent I think--comes from a big family, has watched his siblings become parents, is obsessed with his cool uncle status, has always seen parenthood ahead as something to look forward to

Keith is the opposite, never in a million bazillion years thought that was in the cards for him

he's gay so that came with its own list of things to be worried about that would be difficult in terms of, like, acquiring a child, plus he just sort of had a shitty time as a kid, has a funny relationship with the words "parent" and "dad" and hasn't had the time to hash that out with a therapist because he's been in space

really truly Keith is a feral desert child and when presented with the thought of turning a small being into an adult suitable for society his brain shorts out

...until they get together

actually, both of them flip on this while they're in space OKAY NOW WE'RE COOKING

Lance, my poor sweet darling prince, is a little less sold on children. He grows up hard and fast and violent in the intergalactic war they're thrust into, sees terrible things happen to good people all over the place, sees kids left parentless and parents lose a child, sees himself nearly die more times than he can count (oop that one time he did die lol), and suddenly the idea of kids in the future isn't tinted golden and sparkling with the memories of his childhood. He's an adult and anything could happen and it's terrifying and hard and he knows he loves what he does--loves helping people, loves interacting with children, wants to teach or something later for sure maybe--but the actual parenting is soured by the thought of his mom back home thinking her son is dead and not even having the closure of a burial or anything. He learns that nothing is certain in the way he used to think it was, and stops expecting specific things for his future

Klance gets together [how?? girls idk any infinite number of ways that is every post I'll ever make until the end of time but not this one--trust though it was juicy] and they stay together while they're fighting the space war, and slowly and then all at once Keith "Lone Wolf" "Not A Family Man" "Feral Desert Orphan" "Kids What Are Those" Kogane is, like,,,, thinking about his life and his future beyond like,,, the next hour,,, and is imagining kids in the picture??? trust it shocks him too

This actually is a version of their relationship that I really like thinking about! Lance pivots on all of his hopes and dreams that he'd had all his life about certain milestones for things--marriage, kids, the white picket fence and all that jazz--and throws it all out the window. Because piloting magical sentient lions in a space war is fucking crazy and life is nothing like what he thought and what is important to him reshapes; it isn't the milestones it is the feelings they represent, the security and companionship he is seeking, the fulfillment he can find from interacting with others in different ways. Keith is the opposite; he never thought any of the milestones were important because he assumed they were for other, non-broken people. People--not him--who could have nice things like spouses and houses and children to raise in their image or whatever. And to make a long and introspective story short he gets to hold Lance's hand and suddenly all of those nice things are back on the table and he gets to want them and finds out that he does

I guess this is where it gets fuzzy for me I've seen some things where they space adopt and that's really fun and fresh

Or they wait until they get back to Earth after having the Cool Uncle Era with Lance's nieces and nephews which is my shit i love cool uncle klance

I do think I subscribe to them adopting older children out of the foster system as opposed to however infant adoption works

but any way you slice it Keith is So Pressed About Getting It Right he's reading books he's asking Shiro and then wanting to die because Shiro is So Cringe about his caretaking advice UGH

and Lance is back in a comfy phase about it now that they've decided to do it, regaling Keith when he freaks out with tales of times he and his siblings totally almost died or that crazy shit happened or that his parents did x y z totally sideways--his point being: and look how well it turned out anyway

the important thing is that when they do have children they love them more than anything and demonstrate a positive healthy relationship for them and they try to meet them where they are and also give them opportunities to grow and be happy and therefore it all works out perfect :)

Also as an added bonus here are some of my favorite depictions of dad!Klance for your perusal:

deerstalkerdeathfrisbee's True Love or Something ok these were like my earliest favorite fics ever when I tell you this raised me and reset my brain chemistry I am being so serious. They aren't dadding until later in the series [THIS ONE] but actually the whole thing is so excellent

that,,, actually is the only one coming to mind right now but people SOUND OFF IF YOU HAVE ANY MORE PLS <3 i will return to this post with more if i find any

I hope this was good for you obviously I just stream-of-conscious dumped into the text box but it was super fun to do, if anybody has any other prompting thoughts I would love to ideate more I just,,,, love thinking about them so much,,,, ok everybody have a great day!!

[sieglinde-freud]

genuinely believe laslow and nyx’s support conversation, regardless if you get their S or stop at A, is among both of their most important conversations they have because it allows them a rare moment of vulnerability. while they have a lot of good conversations, a lot of them have both laslow and nyx taking the part of either comic relief or as the listener/observer which is very fitting for both of them! but then they never get to delve into their perspectives and thoughts on some of their more vulnerable traits the way that they do with eachother.

with laslow he never really talks about awakening he references it but its never the topic. his words and actions are obviously influenced by it but you very rarely get to him be this introspective. hes very observant with his support partners but this and his odin support are the only time where hes forced to confont himself. sometimes he'll be sad and melancholy but he never discusses WHY. if youre lucky, he might mention he had a mom at some point and thats about it!! knowing inigo, we as players know why hes like that. he was pigeonholed into the role of keeping morale up, he lost one of the gemstones needed to perform the awakening in the bad timeline, ditched that world (which. his feelings on really only get discussed with nyx!!! which is insane?!?!), then had to start killing real people in order to survive until he met up with the shepherds again! but he never talks about it! i can count one hand the amount of times in both awakening and fates he does and i still have fingers left!!

and then with nyx its similar because while she does discuss her past its mostly just for explanation and not to delve deeper into it. which, makes sense as shes probably not too into trauma dumping on a bunch of strangers but then shes never forced to see that part of herself in someone else and do some reflecting on her own. heroes obviously came out way after fates but they kinda confirm that nyx's curse in part due to herself: its a self punishment that shes not conscious of but its driven by her not being able to forgive herself WHICH IS SO COOL but. you know. fates dropping the ball with writing. used to it. but while yes, that curse did come as kind of like some magical divine karma, she has already attoned for it: she’s grown up, matured, and taken the time to change that selfish part of herself that only valued power and nothing else. the only thing holding her back from moving on is herself.

so, laslow and nyx to having that moment in their supports where they both admit their guilt and let themselves be judged by eachother kinda breaks them out of this cycle of self hate theyre on and it gets them both on the path to forgiving themselves which they never really accomplish anywhere else. some supports teeter on it, but they brush it off pretty quickly. in a weird way they kind of mirror eachother, but they’re not used to looking at a reflection thats not so distorted by their own beliefs. they admit to eachother that no matter what happened in the past, they’ll never see eachother as anything less than a trusted ally and friend, and if they can do it for eachother, maybe one day they can do it for themselves.

and if they hit the s support, you can already see the change. laslow spouts the absolute banger of a line:

Laslow: Well, much as I might want to, I can't bear your burden. Nor could I expect you to bear mine. But with burdens so heavy...don't you think we could lean on each other a bit?

and its just such a fitting conclusion to the story of two people learning how to love themselves and walking that path of forgiveness together. anyways so im really normal about them

[whoredmode]

My personal least favorite thing about SRIV is how they handled Johnny Gat tbh. He's my favorite of the core side characters up through three, but in four he's just... kind of obnoxious. I would've thought it would be cool if the aliens had brought him back to try and infiltrate the gang, and then he turns back to their side when he realizes how much the Boss and the others really do care about him and didn't forget about him, but the whole "Wow! Look at Johnny Gat! He should be the real leader of the saints!" bit that carried over into GooH was just unfunny at best and outright meanspirited at worst. We've had three games up to this point that've established why Johnny isn't the leader of the gang and respects the Boss as a person. I know his character isn't exactly the deepest well in the universe but there was something interesting in that dynamic, where despite his capability for violence and charm he wasn't suited to actually leading the gang. Why ruin that for jokes that just didn't land. But that's just my personal take on it, obviously others are allowed to feel differently!

i think you’re onto something and it’s not just a johnny issue, it’s a larger problem of the actual handling of all the characters in sriv. johnny gets it pretty bad tho. we get the most banal, surface level introspections on characters who have had 2-3 games by now to have gotten this exploration. the idea of simulations is reflecting their fears/regrets/etc is a good idea when done well, but the game can’t even be bothered to give everyone that much. pierce, kinzie. i’m so sorry.

and what you bring up about johnny i 100% agree with—the game feels more concerned w being quippy and referential and painfully unfunny rather than like. giving us any of the apparent reflection it wants to give. you’re right, johnny isn’t better equipped to handle things than the boss, and i think it’d actually be interesting if there was conflict related to that. the boss got them into this mess, and if others think johnny would be better whereas johnny doesn’t feel that way or is unsure, it could’ve made for interesting, long-lasting tension. or even the idea you brought up w him being primed and used as a mole could’ve been fascinating. in the original drafts of sriv, it was gonna have (a clone of) johnny be the antagonist. and while i don’t think that route would’ve been…..ideal, i do think setting up johnny and the boss against each other makes for engaging conflict. ofc it would be resolved bc we know johnny respects and cares for the boss immensely, and instead of just bad jokes about it we could have the space to show and explore that connection. sr2 works so well for the boss and johnny’s dynamic bc we really see that love come into play w the lengths they’re willing to go to for each other.

it’s why the idea of undercover w there being an actual schism within the saints is interesting. why the conflict between pierce and shaundi in srtt is one of its strongest points. why dex and troy have one of the most interesting dynamics. why the reboot’s “power of friendship” angle fell flat for me. bc saints row’s cast works best when there’s conflict between them that means something. instead of just wasting it on bad jokes and problems that get resolved by the time the cutscene is over.

maybe i got away from the original point but. yeah. johnny deserved better in that game. also imo i do still think the boss is the worst written character of sriv. but i think i’ve talked about that before so i won’t repeat myself. but everyone got it bad. at least sriv let us kiss johnny gat tho right😭

[destruxxon]

LAURANCE!!!! i followed you back because i was like whoa.. sero blog.... thats so cool i love that guy! i stayed because of youuuuu. not to be like gay or anything 👉👈 but you are truly the funniest person ever. geninuely. you are so fucking funny. and you're an incredible writer, did you know that? your writing invokes such emotion, god. it makes me insane. i read it and then i have to keep rereading it. over and over because your writing flows like poetry, you are so good with capturing actions and setting and introspection. your character takes, headcanons and different dynamics with me mean so much. like.. idk. i love creating dynamics with you. i love writing with you. let's have a million threads ok. and i love talking to youuu. it's so fun to play silly games with you or just sit in vc while we work on stuff, ive never meshed so well with anyone before. you're so cool teehee even if you tease me a lot. im so honored and happy to be your mutual and your friend, you're fr so incredible. your silliness and daily messages make my days so much brighter <3 you're stuck w me im holding your hand rn and i refuse to let go even if its sweaty. love you so much ✨️💓 you silly guy 🫶

Tell me why you followed me and tell me why you stayed

i will fr start crying omfg.........NANA you are one of the nicest people i have ever met in the entire rpc. im so lucky we could cross paths and meet each other and im even luckier that we get to be friends ♥♥♥♥!!!!! i look forward to getting to talk to you and i like staying up and being silly in vc. i love being able to rp with you because your muses are so detailed and your love for them shines through everything you do for them. all the research and the dynamics and the character work, its all so well done and beautiful and i love seeing everything you do for them even down to simple silly headcanons. you breathe so much life into them with your writing and its such an honor to be able to see it. lets have a million threads together forever and ever ♥♥♥♥!!!! even if we never write i would still be happy just getting to talk to you because you are such a gem and getting to talk to you is the best i love you!!!!

[torialefay]

Hii, been loving your work with the readings!! If it's not too much to ask could I have a reading with Felix? I have sun in pisces (11th house), ascendant in aries (1st house), moon in virgo (6th house), venus in aquarius (10th house) and my birthday its 21/02/00 (02/21/00) 🥹

I just want to point out how absolutely cute it is that you put your birth dates in both formats bc i am from the states and use month/day/year so it was the most adorable thing i’ve ever seen wow ❤️

Ascendant in Aries (1st house):

With ascendant in Aries, you probably come across on first meeting you as someone who is very sure of themself and independent. You probably also come off as someone who is very passionate or has a strong passion in life (you could even be passionate about living life itself. In some aspect, people probably think on first meeting you that you are very skilled at one or a few areas in particular. In my opinion, Aries Ascendants make great activists, so if there is a cause you are passionate about, definitely consider it!

Since there’s no birth time for Felix, we can’t know his Ascendant, BUT from what I’ve gathered about him, I think he would actually really vibe with your initial energy! I think we all know Felix is a sweet guy, but he also has this sort of “charming?ish” nature to him when first meeting him that can also be mistaken for a subtle confidence. I think he is probably attracted initially to someone who holds a lot of confidence too. Especially looking at your Sun in Pisces, I think it’s fair to say that you will balance that independence with introspection, which would be an alluring quality to Felix.

One more thing to note is that Felix’s moon is in Aries… the Moon being the most subconscious part of yourself. Likely he would be drawn to you/resonate with you initially and he wouldn’t even know why lol.

Sun in Pisces (11th house):

The 11th house is all about our connections, groups we belong to, and how we fulfill our dreams. Having your Sun in Pisces here is a super cool placement :)

Sun in Pisces really values creativity and individuality. You probably highly value self-expression and may show this through clothing, art, music, literature, etc. Pisces are definitely about emotions and about understanding others. You know how to make people feel SEEN. I also always associate Pisces on the axis of “service” (along with Virgo on the other side of the axis… and Virgo is your moon!) Being in your 11th house, it is likely that using your Piscean nature through social networking or through groups will lead to accomplishing your goals. In other words, try to channel your ability to see the good in others THROUGH working with other people, and it will ultimately give you fulfillment in life. In your Aries section, I talked about you being a great activist. I think your Pisces placement here realllly supports that statement. Just from looking at these 2 placements alone, I think you’d make a great activist in an area such as mental health or counseling.

Obviously this is a great placement with Felix. Felix is a Virgo, which I previously mentioned is on the “service axis” (aka that’s just the vibes I get from it lol but technically it just means they are the houses in opposition). So what does this mean for you two? You probably have the same goal, but you go about obtaining it in different ways. You both want to be helpful. You can dream up what to do, and Felix can help put it into action. I think he would also be great on that activist train, even going into what I talked about with mental health.

Moon in Virgo (6th house):

Your moon in Virgo in the 6th house means that you probably put a large emphasis on self-development. You are more than likely always finding ways to better yourself or to keep yourself well-informed. But you are able to do this maybe without even realizing it. You are also able to do it in a practical way- you know your limits.

I’ve said this time and time again, but to ME, the Sun/Moon match up is the MOST IMPORTANT indicator of a long lasting couple. Your Moon (emotions ) in Virgo matched perfectly with Felix’s Sun (personality) in Virgo… meaning that he would really feel like you UNDERSTAND him… because you do! Lol you operate on that plane with him.

Felix’s moon in Aries would be a good match for you as well because I think it could inspire you to keep wanting more for yourself. Kind of like a flame to keep you going.

Venus in Aquarius in Midheaven:

Okay literally your placements just keep confirming what I’ve already said 😂

Venus represents love, balance, and beauty… An Aquarius represents individuality, uniqueness, and freedom. You likely find beauty in very unique individuals. You also support others to be their TRUE selves, even if it goes against societal norms. You probably think moreso that people who ARE different are actually more beautiful (sometimes lol).

The 10th house (midheaven) governs our career path and who we are seen to the public based on our career choices. I feel like at this point, I don’t even have to say it lol. In your career, you would literally be known as someone who is an activist for finding beauty in uniqueness and self-acceptance… like babe, that is you. If you aren’t in that field, pls go into it bc the planets are calling for you apparently.

Felix’s Venus in Libra also means that he is able to see beauty in all kinds of people and really reallllly values it on a deep, personal level. He needs to find that in order to find peace within himself. With the two of you paired, I could see you as having a cool and honestly fun sex life. Both of you WOULD need a level of devotion tied into it, but definitely not all the time. I could see you all trying a lot of new stuff, but things would be mostly light and airy.

[dragyouthroughthewhump]

I tend to see a lot of things like this, telling people you have to learn to see the good side of things, the joys in life, the magical within the mundane. And, yes, it is something you have to learn, and work at. But I rarely see people talk about the HOW.

I am 100% a person who says "okay cool, but how? You just said to 'do it'..." Give me step by step instructions, tell me where to put my mouse, which button to click, where my eyes should be, how many steps to get through this process.

So this is my little guide to learning to see small happiness in your life and making it feel more natural. *This is not professional advice so talk to a licensed professional for more.*

• Remind yourself that this is a habit to learn. It won't happen right away, you'll forget to do it, and maybe even backtrack.

• There are common things in the world that humans tend to value. Animals, plants, sunlight, weather, good smells, good textures, artwork, games, and stories. (Not everyone will like all of these, and that's valid. My sis hates bugs and tends to not like animals/plants/outside because of that.) Find 1 to 2 things, minimum, that you know you like.

• Even in a depressive state you may know what thing appeals to you. This does not mean enjoy, desire-to-do/see/experience/ect, in the moment. I love art, but when depressed I can't bring myself to even practice shading values. Remember that even if it isn't bringing you satisfaction in the moment it is okay.

• Try to actively find these things around you. You don't have to go out of your way, only do what fits in with your day. It its a bed day, look around your room, if it's a work day this could be on your commute in or in your work place. Get a target in your site, one will do, that will be your thing for the day, or hour, or however long you want.

• Talk to the target, out loud if you're feeling spicy, but I just keep it in my head. (Unless it's my pets then I do the little funny voice). "You're a lovely piece of art." "Damn you're a well made videogame." "Look at you little bug going! Carry that grain of sand." "Who's a soft jacket, you are!" Keep these comments validating to your target. I find that most people having trouble being happy, often find it easier to make others happy. This part takes that urge and uses it.

• Do this as many times a day as you want. The goal is to increase the number of times you do this in a day. Remember the first point, sometimes it'll be easier, sometimes harder. You may think, "man I saw 10 cool things today." And the next day only find 2. That's okay, it isn't a race, it isn't a challenge, you can't fail at this. - Even if you find nothing you can say, "the sun rose and I am breathing. That is enough."

We will call the above Phase 1, now to Phase 2. Only do this when Phase 1 has become easy. You spot things around you and it feels natural to be content with that thing.

• Now to build on what you know. Do the above, but with a person. For those with social anxieties be gentle with yourself. Find something about a person that you enjoy. A nice shirt, haircut, hair color, ect. Clothing is easiest since it tends to change day to day. Tell this person you like that thing.

• Start with close friends, coworkers, close family, ect. You can predict responses better that way and makes this easier. The goal for this is once a week. Let yourself recover after. It will get easier with practice.

• You may notice others giving you compliments also. Even if you don't agree, keep in mind they could be on the same journey. Consider that it is a genuine compliment. Again, you don't have to agree, but you can make the experience positive for them by saying thanks. (Take context and tone into account. Blatantly underhanded 'compliments' shouldn't be tolerated, respond in the safest way for you.)

On to Phase 3. By this time if you wanted to only see the world in a better light you can stop here, if you want to move to more introspective and self-work, then continue. This can be done shortly after Phase 2 is started and doesn't need Phase 2 to be as natural as Phase 1. By this time Phase 1 should no longer feel like hard work. If you're a spoons person, by this time the goal is for Phase 1 to only cost 1 small spoon for the whole day (adjust metaphor as needed).

• You apply what you've learned to yourself. This may he scary, difficult, and you may even get angry at yourself at this step.

• Start with either an action or an appearance, whichever is easiest. You like your own hair, the makeup you did that day, the outfit you picked, the clothes are clean, you made a thing, you drove well, you walked outside, ect.

• Do this once per day. Even if you don't genuinely believe what you say, say it. Your pet, that rock, that painting probably didn't genuinely believe it either when you started this process.

• This is the time to do some self reflection. When you feel comfortable doing so, think of how often you are negative to yourself. Or consistently down for the same thing. (You insult yourself for making noise, not setting the bed/table/nightstand 'correctly'. Call yourself names for not knowing something or not doing a repeated task the way a robot does.)

• Next time you notice, in the moment, tell yourself "No." Or "Stop." This is plenty at this time. Telling yourself to stop being mean to yourself. Even if its much later tell yourself as if you did it just then.

• When you've gotten to the point you can confidently tell yourself no, give yourself a compliment instead. Even if its sarcastic, some people like this method as it is a less direct method. "Oh yes, that WAS very smart of me, who else microwaves dry Ramen? There's probably a club I can join. Those would be cool people." "Damn, I'm so talented, who else can get stuck sideways in their own driveway?"

• Continue practicing all phases. These are skills that you learn, not a personality trait you have, not something you're born with. Thought processes are learned, manipulated, changed, influenced, habitual, ect. That means you can make changes you want to see.

So this is my guide to being a bit happier in your life. It contains advice I've seen from others, heard from professionals, and stuff I've experienced, all put into an order that I think makes sense instead of just everyone giving little tips and advice without context how to get to those points.

This was kind of rambling but that's me ^-^ I can talk in circles but I think there's some substance to it.

no more of the agonies. have you seen the wonders

[faeriejones]

Howdy, Kringle here!

I really kind of thought I’d replied to this, isn’t that funny? But then I thought about it more and realized, wait. No. Sorry! Sometimes if I read things and don’t reply right away, I’ll have composed something in my head and the memory of thinking about what I would say becomes a memory of having said it.

Oh it’s cool you checked out Belle and Sebastian! They were just sort of around in the indie air when I was super into music as a teen/young adult, you know, back in the day. My favorite records are If You’re Feeling Sinister, Fold Your Hands Child, and Dear Catastrophe Waitress. I feel the band is a bit TOO democratic sometimes, in that I like the songs not written by Stuart less, so it makes them uneven sometimes! I do think lots of people consider them too ���twee,” but I enjoy it. Hmm. Picking single songs is so hard! I was into them back when you listened to a whole CD, you know? But hmm. I cry at “Piazza New York Catcher.” “Get Me Away From Here, I’m Dying” is a good one. “Seeing Other People.” “Stay Loose” Is a bit of a turn for them but it’s so good. OH! “Fought in a War.” Yeah. Ok I will stop now–dammit now I’m gonna listen to all of it again ha.

Honestly, re: Paul and WIngs, I don’t think people actually know which is which. I mean yeah, I think “Wild Life” and “Red Rose Speedway” aren’t great, but everything after that through Back to the Egg, I enjoy! 

A cozy family Christmas is just fine! I’m heading out tomorrow very early to visit the family (I live quite far from the rest of ‘em) and there’s going to be a little juggling since both my brothers have families now and haven’t quite adjusted to the reality of, you know, not necessarily being able to do all the same things anymore! But it’ll be nice to see everyone.

We do watch a lot of films–It’s a Wonderful Life is a fave, of course (again, people think it’s cheery? But it’s dark AF). I tend to prefer the older holiday songs, the Bing Crosby type stuff, or carols. Christmas is largely about nostalgia for me, I guess! Do you have any Christmas favorites? Movies, songs, foods?

hello, Kringle! i hope you’re doing well and that you’re having a lovely week so far!

haha, no worries! i forget to respond to people constantly, so you don’t need to fret about that. ‘tis quite alright, dear chum!

falling even deeper down the belle and sebastian pipeline, i can definitely see why ‘dear catastrophe waitress’ is one of your favorites by them! songs like ‘stay loose’ and ‘roy walker’ are more upbeat in comparison to ‘fold your hands’, and a bit reminiscent of ‘ram’ in some parts. ‘seeing other people’ sounds like a song you’d hear in a coming-of-age film during a scene in which the protagonist undergoes an extensive amount of introspection after a raucous event occurs in the story. ‘get me away from here, i’m dying’ is a well paced, earthy song and i like it! it’s actually wild to think that DCW was released when i was practically a baby! also, if people consider them to be a bit too “twee”, that’s their prerogative. but music should incorporate sweetness and sentimentality, not everything has to be serious!

i must say, i actually like red rose speedway (i mainly like the art that’s included inside the album lol). but it’s one of those albums where i’d really have to be in the mood to listen to in its entirety, y’know? as for wild life, it’s okay. it’s one of his more, and i hate to say this, “forgettable” projects, but it’s not terrible. it’s a record that you can put on as background music during a long car ride through the rural countryside.

it’s funny that you mention ‘it’s a wonderful life’ because there’s an episode of the fairly odd parents that parodies this exact film. which is totally bizarre that a children’s show would reference that because isn’t the movie about a depressed guy who gets rescued by his guardian angel and is basically told, “i’m gonna show you real quick what the world would’ve looked like if you never existed. oh, merry christmas, by the way!”?

i hope you have a lot of fun when you visit your family this year! and yes, children can be quite a handful, haha. surely, your brothers will get the hang of it eventually. although, parenting may be a blessing, i’m assuming it can get rather strenuous at times, as well. my older brother already has two children of his own and he’s still in his mid 20’s! he’s a great father, and i can only hope he and the girls can relax on christmas!

during this time of year, i love watching those stop-motion animated, christmas themed rankin bass films. ones like ‘santa claus is coming to town’, ‘the year without a santa claus’, ‘jack frost’, and of course, ‘rudolph…’ my family and i used to watch those together on abc family all the time when i was younger. as for songs, i’m not particularly into christmas music, but i will say i don’t mind hearing ‘wonderful christmastime’ every now and then (i was on the verge of blacklisting that song from my brain last year at my old job because it would constantly play over the speaker lmaoo) ‘happy christmas (war is over)’ by john is a good tune as well.

speaking of john, we’ve engaged in a lot of paul-related banter so far. so i’d like to ask you ; what is your opinion of his music? how would you evaluate his character as a musician (and if you’d like, as a person as well)?

[traumxrei-archive]

【 chapter 1 - the cub, some warmth, and a lion's advice 】

author's note: i'm back with the next installation of this series ! i have some more yuu introspection and a little bit of familial teachers <3 and leona still being a jerk but also being nice for once (totally not bc he doesn't like seeing yuu sad-)

word count: 5.6k

tags: yuu introspection ! (take my yuu brainrot everyone), cheka kingscholar is a ray of sunshine, familial teachers let's go, giving our bb yuu the love they deserve, some angst bc i love me my angst, leona kingscholar gives actual good advice for once ??

[ baby it's cold outside series | read it on ao3 ]

Yuu, as promised, was up very bright and early the next day. Grim was still slumped in their arms, half-asleep as they trudged through the snow over to the bridge. It was quiet. Most students were still asleep since the mirror only opened up at midday. They couldn't forget about it, with how Deuce was gushing about seeing his mom the whole week before.

"Turn over here," Grim mumbled sleepily. "Why're we even up so early?"

"Leona wants me at Savanaclaw bright and early so, sorry for dragging you with me," Yuu put Grim down as they each grabbed a couple of logs.

They still didn't know why Leona wanted them to be there early. Last time they checked, Ruggie could barely drag him out of bed every morning for practice. So there had to be something. Something that was connected to the look that Leona had yesterday. Something that was surely going to be trouble.

Grim took the lead to get them back to the fireplace. As soon as the fire was lit with Grim's magic, fairy-like creatures appeared. They were small, orange hair flickering like a real fire as they made crackling noises akin to wood burning.

"F-funyah, I thought Crowley was making the faires up," Grim stared at them in wonder. Yuu reached out a hand for one of them and to their delight, one sat on their palm. The touch instantly warmed Yuu's hands and more faires started curiously flocking them.

"Sorry little guys," Yuu patted them on their firey little heads. "I can't stay for long today, I have to go and babysit an overgrown lion cub." There was crackling in return and they seemed to wave as Yuu and Grim left the hall. "Well, that was pretty cool."

"It was, but I'm still sleepy..." Grim did a big yawn and stretch, like a cat. "Imma go back to the dorm and sleep a bit. You stay safe, henchman. Don't want you dying, y’know."

"Thanks for believing in me," Yuu said sarcastically. They wrapped their own ratty scarf around Grim. "Don't fall asleep before you get in bed. And make sure to close the doors and windows."

They shivered a bit as they made their way over to the Hall of Mirrors. Yuu didn't exactly have a lot of clothes that were snow-worthy, so they had bought a couple of jackets from the school store. It seemed to be doing its job, but they would have no chance if they were out playing in the snow.

Getting to Savanaclaw gave them a radical shift in weather, going from Sage's Island's cold winter to Savanaclaw's sweltering heat. They carefully peeled back their snow-speckled jackets on their way to Leona's room.

When Yuu opened their door, they half-expected Leona to still be asleep. But what greeted them was a fully awake Leona Kingscholar, lazing around on the couch. He was dressed properly in his dorm uniform this time and green eyes tracked their every move.

Yuu decided to stick with a safe greeting instead of testing him, "Good morning, Leona."

"Bad morning if I'm up this early," Leona's expression shifted before he put out a hand. "Help me up, he's here."

Yuu pulled him up slowly, but wait…who was here?

They don't get to ask any questions before the door flung open and Leona got hit in the stomach by an orange streak of movement. Said orange streak was laughing all the while, "OJITAN! I missed you so much, ehehe~"

"Ugh, not so loud, brat," Leona muttered, and yet he still lifted the child up gently in his arms. Cheka Kingscholar was here, wearing a large puffy jacket and looking like an orange chick in Leona's arms.

And it finally clicked in Yuu's mind when they spotted the look on Leona's face. They're going to have to babysit that tiny lion, aren't they? For however long he was here because they were Leona's “faithful servant”.

Well, shit.

"Oh," Cheka's ears swiveled and he squirmed in Leona's hold to face them. "You're...oh! Aren't you Ojitan's friend? Cheka remembers you from that spelldrive tournament!"

"You have a good memory," Yuu tried to give their best smile. "I'm your uncle's friend. Kind of. My name's Yuu."

"Oi, brat," Leona sighed. "You'll go on a tour of NRC with them, alright?"

"Will you come with us?" Cheka's eyes practically sparkled. "I wanna see Ojitan's cool magic skills!" Oh yeah, they almost forgot the part where the kid idolized Leona and the very ground he walked on.

"Yeah, yeah," Leona waved a hand dismissively. "I have some homework to do so I'll join you in the gardens later." Great, he was already pre-planning his nap time. Cheka seemed to find it an acceptable answer because he ended up walking around the room, marveling at Leona's stuff.

"Hey, servant."

"You called, Leona-sama?" Their words were dripping with sarcasm and Leona wrinkled his nose at them.

"Quit it. There are three rules," Leona raised a finger. "One, keep the brat occupied for as long as you can. Two, he better not get hurt. It's annoying to deal with hurt people. And three, you're still my servant, so you still have to wait on me.

"Who knows?" Leona said with a sharp smile. "Maybe I'll sleep the whole time while you guys are gone. Oh, and he'll only be here for a week, so rejoice."

"Thanks for that quick and easy guide," Yuu mumbled. "Uhm, Cheka? Where's your, uh, stuff?"

"My attendants have it," The little cub said, rifling through one of Leona's drawers. "They're still talking to the crow man, so they'll come soon."

"Alright, so would you like to go on that tour?" Yuu offered a hand and the little lion gladly took it. "NRC's pretty big and it has lots of things to look at."

"I wanna see all of Ojitan's favorite spots!"

"We can do that," Yuu cracked a small smile. "They're all kinda close together, but yeah, we can definitely do that."

"Herbivore, what's with that sad jacket?" Leona asked suddenly. They looked over to see him watching them yet again. Of course he would poke fun at the jackets they manage to scrounge up. Nothing got past him when it came to things he could scrutinize.

"I don't really have proper winter clothes. Crowley's probably supposed to give me some, but he hasn’t."

"Then just use mine," He tilted his head. "I have several jackets so just choose one. It'll definitely be better than that sad excuse of a jacket."

"Y'know, you can just be nice without being a jerk about it," Yuu went through Leona's closet, Cheka curiously peeking at them from the side.

"Where's the fun in that?" Leona sounded like he was smirking. Meanwhile, Yuu found the least expensive-looking jacket that would maybe fit them, taking it out. It still looked like a whole ass dress on them, but at least it was warm.

"And besides. You're working for me for ten days,” Yuu really regretted giving him that much power over them now, seeing the arrogant smirk on his lips. “I don't wanna see you get sick on the first day and not cash in on my free servant."

"You shouldn't be talking so crassly in front of a child," Yuu retorted. "Let's go Cheka." There were no more complaints out of the Savanaclaw Housewarden as they exited his room. Which was good, because one more comment and Yuu would’ve probably taken the child and ran.

"I think Yuu-tan is very cool," Cheka whispered conspiratorially as they made their way to Savanaclaw's mirror.

"Hmm? Why's that?"

"My Ojitan doesn't like talking to anyone at home. Even the servants and my papa," Cheka said with a giddy look on his face. "So seeing him talking a lot with Yuu-tan, that means he's very good friends with Yuu-tan, right?"

"Kind of?" Yuu really didn't know how to answer the little lion's increasing number of questions. Them being friends with Leona Kingscholar just didn’t sound that correct. It wasn't as if they were Leona's lackey and they weren't exactly…on equal terms. It was hard to think of a clear answer.

But they didn't have to when they spotted Jack doing his morning jog. "Oh look, it's my friend, Jack."

Jack must've heard them approaching because he jogged over to the sidelines, "Hey, Yuu. Back again? And with...eh? Isn't that Leona-senpai's...?"

"Woah! Do you know my Ojitan?" Cheka beamed at him as he stuck out a hand. "I'm Cheka! Nice to meet you, big wolfie!"

"I'm babysitting Cheka for winter break," Yuu deadpanned. And they didn't miss the slightly amused look on Jack's face before smacking him.

"Do you play spelldrive too, wolfie-tan?"

"Wolfie-" Jack sighed, resigning himself to the nickname. "Yeah, I do. Actually, your uncle's the captain of our spelldrive team. Pretty cool, right?"

"So he does practice here?" Cheka looked out into the field. "So cool! I miss seeing him play. Where to next, Yuu-tan?"

"I guess we can go visit the main street?" Yuu glanced over at Jack before smiling slyly. "Bye-bye, wolfie-tan." And Cheka echoed the goodbye. Yuu swore they saw Jack's cheeks tinting at the nickname. They took that as their revenge.

As soon as they stepped through the mirror, Yuu let Cheka clamber up into their arms. It made their arms hurt like when Grim was dead asleep on it, but it was better than risking the crown prince of Afterglow Savanna getting sick because of them.

"So these are the sports fields," Yuu tried to act the part of a tour guide as Cheka ooh-ed at the fields. "You can't really see it because of the snow, but that's basically where we do our flying lessons."

"Do you do flying lessons too?" Cheka asked, tilting his head.

"Uh, I do. But my broom's kinda special since I don't have magic of my own."

"I knew it!" Cheka grinned triumphantly. "You don't smell like magic! It's a nice smell though so I don't care." It impressed Yuu how both Kingscholars could notice their lack of magic so quickly. A beastmen's nose sounded like it'd come in handy at times.

"Thanks, little lion," Yuu couldn't help the small quirk of their lips at the compliment. "Maybe if we get permission from Leona, we can play out here tomorrow in the snow. Do you get lots of snow at the Savanna?"

"Nope!" He said, emphasizing the 'p'. "It's always sunny or rainy there, mostly sunny. But there's lotsa snow here, I'm sure Ojitan will let us play!"

As they were about to step out of the fields, a voice yelled out to them, "Hey! Wait a second!"

And there was Vargas, in the flesh, shoving a hat into their arms, "I gotta go quick so here's my gift! Don't forget to exercise in the winter. With plenty of eggs and exercise, your muscles will thank you!!" Then he was running off yet again.

Huh. Did they just get gifted a hat just now? From Vargas, of all people? The hat looked really warm, with fur lining the inside and ear flaps to keep their ears from the biting wind. It was a dark brown leather, with a red strap to keep it on their head.

"Uh...you wanna try the hat?" Cheka nodded eagerly and Yuu plopped the hat onto the cub's orange and yellow hair. The hat was too big, but Cheka gave a big, toothy grin that told them he liked it all the same. And besides, he looked really cute in the hat. It made Yuu briefly wonder if Leona was ever this cute as a child...which was besides the point.

They meander over to the path, icy rock crunching beneath their boots, "This is the main street. It has the Statues of all the Great Seven. Do you know about them?"

"Mm! I remember Ojitan telling me about them once," Cheka said, tapping his chin. "He told me about...the King of Beasts!"

"Did you know that your uncle's dorm was based on the King of Beasts?" Yuu trudged on. "He's this statue right here."

"That's such a scary-looking lion," Cheka mumbled in awe. "But it kinda looks like Ojitan." Yuu snorted at the comparison. It was…kinda true. The haughty look and the scar over his eye really did remind them of Leona. Or maybe they were just thinking too deeply into it.

As they kept walking, they noticed that Cheka's tail had come to rest under their arm, curling away from the cold. "Are you cold, little lion?" Yuu asked, looking at the child's reddened nose.

"Kinda. But I wanna keep going!" Cheka sniffled, though his eyes looked determined.

"We can keep going after a short break," Yuu took a detour from the main road to go to Sam's. "Let's go here. Usually your uncle gets his snacks from here."

Yuu put Cheka down as they entered the store, "Sam? You open yet?" Yuu didn't see the usually-spirited man, but they did see the shadows shift to mimic his shape. "Do you know where Sam is?" Sam’s friend from the other side shook its head before vaguely ruffling up both Yuu and Cheka's hair.

Cheka squealed in delight, "What's that, what's that!! That's so cool!"

"That is my friend from the other side, little imp," Sam pranced out of the depths of the store. "Sorry for the wait, I was busy packing stuff for Ruggie-kun."

"Ruggie-senpai? What are you packing up?" Sam gestured to the big bags of food behind him.

"All the stuff that's near expiry," He explained jovially. "Ruggie-kun has a lotta mouths to feed back in his neighborhood so I do this as a favor every break."

"Hey, mister!" Cheka pointed at one of the sparkly things at the corner of the store. "What's that?"

"And who might you be, littler imp?" Sam cooed. Yuu couldn't help but think the older man had a soft spot for kids in general. He was kind hearted enough to pack everything for Ruggie too.

"I'm Cheka Kingscholar! I'm here to visit my Ojitan," Cheka beamed, before continuing his long speech on why he loved Leona so much and why he was his favorite person.

"Could you tell Sam I'll take a hot cocoa?" Yuu whispered over to the shadows that were clinking the glass cups. Yuu took the paper one instead. The shadow gave a thumbs up and Yuu set to work mixing up the warm drink for Cheka. They were sure that he would definitely enjoy something sweet.

As they waited for the hot water to boil, they pulled out their phone. Crowley had gotten it for them after the whole Octavinelle incident, which had been really helpful. They pressed on Leona's number. Now, how did they get his number? Well, by getting Ruggie to sneak into his phone to get it– at the price of a week's worth of premium lunches.

They put the phone closer to their ear when the line clicked, "Great and benevolent Leona-sama, it is I, your faithful servant."

There's a sharp sigh over the line, "If you don't get to the point in the next one minute, I'm ending the call."

"Wait, wait," Yuu fumbled. "I'm just calling to check in on you."

"Hah? Could've just texted me," There was shuffling over the line and Yuu belatedly wondered if he was asleep right before.

"Calling's faster. Anyway, how's the work?"

"It's getting done. Don't worry," Leona yawned. "There're so many alchemy equations, it's almost like Crewel is mad at me."

"Gee, I wonder why," Yuu shifted the phone to their other hand when the water was done. "It's not like you skip his classes most of the time."

"More attitude and I'll turn the paper to dust," Leona said; no heat behind his warning.

"Sure, sure. Do you want anything from Sam's? I stopped by to get the cub some hot cocoa," Yuu gently stirred the liquid, adding in milk.

"Get me something with meat, I'll meet you at the gardens in thirty."

There's a hand tugging their jacket, "Is that Ojitan? Can I talk to him?"

"Say no. Oi, herbivore-"

"Only for a second okay," Yuu said sweetly, handing the phone over to Cheka so he could talk to his beloved Ojitan.

"How many marks for the cocoa, Sam?" Yuu pulled out their wallet. "Oh, and if you could pack up three, no four burgers to go?"

"Two marks for one, and the burgers make it fourteen," Sam smiled secretively. "Before you go, I've got a gift for you, Prefect."

"A gift?" Yuu blinked, staring as Sam pulled out a box.

"It's not quite what you kids are into these days, but I thought it'd suit you!" Sam opened the box. "Ta-da~" Inside was a black scarf with little skulls printed on it in dark purple. A scarf. Sam was giving them a scarf.

"It's wintertime, so I wouldn't want my favorite little helper to freeze," Sam gently wrapped the scarf around them. "I hope that you have a good break here. Sage Island is beautiful at this time of year."

"I...thank you," Yuu couldn't keep that vulnerable tone from their voice. And they couldn't help it, that they were touched by such a simple gift. They thought back to Vargas’ rushed gift-giving as well which made them draw a sharp inhale. Was this planned all along?

"Oh! I got a matching smaller one for the little fire imp too," Sam brandished a Grim-sized scarf. "Stay safe this winter, and I'll see you next year, little imp."

"You too."

There's a tug on their jacket and Cheka's there, "Ojitan wants to talk to you."

"Yeah?" And Yuu turned away from Sam, giving Cheka his drink. "Be careful, it's hot, okay?" They blinked rapidly, trying to stop any tears from falling.

"...Why the hell do you sound two seconds from crying?" There goes trying to be subtle. Curse Leona Kingscholar for having such good hearing.

"I'm not," Yuu denied weakly. "It's just...a gift."

"Uhuh, a gift is making you cry," Leona's tone was teasing, but Yuu could hear the slightest trace of concern.

"It's complicated, ask me later," Yuu dismissed, not set on baring the softer parts of their heart to Leona Kingscholar, and most certainly not over the phone. "I got you a burger. I hope it's enough for your kingly tastes."

There was a small pause, "Yeah. Sure. Don't forget to watch the brat like a hawk."

"I'll keep him safe, don't worry," Yuu felt a lot less like crying after the short back and forth with Leona. The line clicked and Yuu was greeted with the sight of Cheka eagerly sipping at his hot cocoa.

"You like it?" Cheka nodded vigorously and Yuu felt like that was mission accomplished. "Should we continue then? Er, you can hold the drink if I put a cap on it." Yuu still wasn't used to accommodating Cheka. His antics might've been similar to Grim, but he was a complete angel compared to him.

"Let's go!" Cheka said cheerily. "Bye shadow-tan and Sam-tan!!" Sam waved them off from where he continued to pack food into bags. Holding on to a kid in one hand and the burgers, Yuu felt like they had become a true babysitter.

The inside of the main building was warmer, so they helped Cheka take off his little puffy coat.

"Yuu-san," They stood up to see Trein walking down the hallway, Lucius in his arms.

Lucius jumped off, approaching the duo with caution. He was probably being wary of Cheka. But Cheka's eyes were sparkling as he saw Lucius.

"Kitty!" Cheka giggled. "I'm a cat too, but a big cat. A lion, ehehe~!" He patted Lucius, who sniffed at Cheka before rubbing against him. Yuu took the hot cocoa off him before an accident could happen.

"Who is this?" Trein asked, looking down at Cheka with unreadable eyes.

"That's Cheka, Leona's nephew. I'm touring him around," Yuu smiled at the quiet teacher. "Are you going home for the holidays?"

"I will be returning to my daughters once the mirror opens," Trein acknowledged. "Lucius is also quite ready for a change of pace." Said cat was now purring in Cheka's arms, tiny tongue licking at the squealing cub's face.

"I almost forgot," Trein pulled out a small pouch. "Lucius." Said cat squirmed out of Cheka's hold and over to the Prefect, butting his head at their legs.

"I personally wanted to gift a black pair, but Lucius chose these grey ones, which were also elegant," Trein said solemnly, taking out a pair of winter gloves. "I see you got a scarf from Sam-san and the hat from Vargas already?"

"Wh– Oh, ah, yes," Yuu fumbled with the stuff in their hands before accepting the gloves gingerly. "Did you all plan this out beforehand?"

"Who could say?" Trein smiled the slightest bit, which shocked them. "Maybe it was just a whim of ours."

"Ah! That's Yuu-tan's third gift!" Cheka looked curiously as they pocketed the gloves. "Is it your birthday?"

"Yuu-san can't go home right now," Trein said, picking up Lucius once again. "So as teachers, we want to make sure they're having a good break here at NRC."

Cheka nodded, "It's okay, Yuu-tan! You have me and Leona-ojitan! You won't be lonely, ehehe~" If Yuu was a different person then maybe they would've cried right then and there at the words they received. But instead they swallowed around the lump in their throat.

"Thanks, Cheka, Trein-sensei," Yuu gave a small smile before stuffing the gloves into the pockets. "Shall we go meet with your uncle?"

"Yes!" Cheka agreed. "Bye, Kitty and Mr. Kitty's owner." As Trein left, Yuu turned toward the direction of the infirmary. It was faster to use the bridge to go over to Ramshackle and then over to the botanical gardens rather than go all the way around again.

"Wait a second, puppy!" There was the sharp clack of shoes before Crewel came into view. "I cannot have you walking around in that atrocious color!"

Cheka looked confused, "Puppy?"

"He calls us all his puppies," Yuu said in a conspiratorial tone. "He's the alchemy professor."

"Tch, I see the others got to you first, but behold," Crewel brandished what looked like a designer brand shopping bag. "Now don't go feeling bad about the price, this jacket was an old one I outgrew. And its quality is assured."

"Wait, Crewel-sensei, I-" Yuu had the burgers, the jacket, and scarf taken off by Crewel's careful hands.

"Who am I if I leave one of my favorite puppies shivering all winter long," He said dramatically, tugging the jacket over Yuu's shoulders. "Yes, your physique is perfect for this jacket as I thought."

Cheka's eyes were the size of dinner plates by the time Crewel was done, "Yuu-tan!! You look super cool!" It was a warm winter jacket in an elegant black, faux white fur lining the hood and layers upon layers of zippers.

"Thanks, Crewel-sensei," And Yuu felt their ears flushing when Crewel patted their head.

"I hope you have a wonderful holiday and return with a fresh mind, puppy," Crewel backed away, a smile on his face. "I'm expecting a lot from you next year." They felt that same warmth again, but it felt less like they were going to cry this time as they watched Crewel leave.

Yuu picked up the bag, Leona's jacket folded neatly inside, and the burgers on top, "Let's go. Your uncle might be waiting."

"I bet Ojitan's gonna be surprised," Cheka giggled. "Yuu-tan looks very pretty and handsome."

"You think so?" Yuu does a slow spin as they walk. Cheka giggled again and copied them.

"I know so," Cheka reached his arms up, and Yuu carried him. His tiny hands pat at Yuu's face. "Yuu-tan has a different smell than other humans but is very kind. So you're pretty and handsome like my papa says."

It was quite the trek over to the botanical gardens, especially with Cheka insisting on being carried the whole way. When they finally got there, the botanical garden was sweltering as always, but Cheka was in their arms, so...they were toughing it out. They found Leona within a familiar underbrush almost immediately.

"Leona-sama, Cheka-sama and I have returned," Yuu sat down next to the seemingly dozing lion.

"Do you and Ojitan play attendant and master a lot?" Cheka asked, sitting on his uncle's stomach. Leona still didn't stir.

"We're playing because it's winter break. Now, c'mon I even got you a burger," Yuu sighed. "Okay, fine. Two burgers."

Leona finally shifted, "Took you long enough."

"I got a little sidetracked," Yuu handed over the burgers, including Cheka's.

"You stink."

"Gee, thanks."

Cheka giggled, "I didn't know Yuu-tan was so popular. So many people gave presents for the winter holidays!"

Leona raised a brow, already halfway through his first burger, "That's why you stink of Crewel and were crying?"

"You...are literally the worst," Yuu grumbled. "I didn't cry, I was touched by these thoughtful gifts."

Cheka, with a mouthful of burger, suddenly exclaimed, "It's so Yuu-tan won't be lonely, the teachers said. But they have us, so it's okay!"

And Yuu just prayed that Leona would forget about it. They did not want to talk about this, especially not to…to Leona. They didn't even know if they could get through it without crying.

But as fate would have it, Leona Kingscholar wasn't just anyone. He was sharp, knowing where to dig his claws in a hunt. He was also patient, someone who could circle his prey just waiting for a slip-up.

After roaming around school all day, Cheka must've been tired because he instantly fell asleep right in his uncle's lap after finishing his food. Leaving a lucid Leona and Yuu alone.

And that was when Leona decided to bite.

"What's that about you being lonely?" As soon as the words left Leona's lips, Yuu felt like they were the one being hunted.

"It's....nothing. Something Cheka made up, I'm not...lonely." The words tasted like ash on their tongue because it was untrue and the expression on Leona's face showed he was unconvinced.

"Look. I'm not into sappy shit," Leona lied down, placing Cheka on the soft grass. "So why don't you just rant while I rest. That way it's off your chest, or whatever. Consider it a favor for today." Yuu could only watch as Leona slipped an arm under his head, falling asleep within a couple of seconds. Yuu peeked at him, resting their head against their knees.

"Just about everyone's going home for the holidays," It hurt for Yuu to inhale as they thought about their next words. "Ace was busy complaining about his brother's welcome pranks. Deuce said his mom's going to cook his favorites when he returned. And Jack's going snowboarding with his family. Ruggie-senpai has tons of food from Sam's for his neighborhood. Fuck, even you have Cheka here. No matter how much you claim to dislike him, I know you care.

"And not to be a total pessimist, but I only have Grim. I can't even see my family, if I even had one because I'm here. In Twisted Wonderland. Which isn't the worst place to be...

"But...I can't... I don't remember them. Somewhere somehow I lost every single memory I had of my family or my friends. Whenever I try thinking about it, my brain comes up blank and it's...the most awful feeling I've ever experienced," When Yuu inhaled, their breathing felt sticky, just like the tears that were rolling down their face. "I miss them. I want to remember what I forgot...if I had any family at all. I-it hurts to see everyone else just..enjoying their breaks and I know it's not their fault but..."

"You're envious all the same." It's Leona's voice that finished the sentence, and his voice that startled them into a hard flinch.

"I thought you said you were sleeping," Yuu asked shakily, glancing between their arms to see Leona finally opening his eyes.

"Never said I'd actually fall asleep," Leona sat up. "So that's why? You can't remember your family or friends from back there?" Yuu nodded the best they could, breath catching when Leona came closer to them.

“If you don’t remember them, then why not make new ones?” The suggestion had them snapping their head up. There was a smirk on Leona’s face when he saw their face. “There we go. Finally got your eyes on me, huh, herbivore.”

“What- what do you mean by that?”

“What I mean is,” There’s a hand plopped on their head. “Instead of agonizing over what you can’t remember, why don’t you focus on those you can remember?

“Your merry band of herbivores, the pup Jack, that cat of yours. The prissy Heartslabyul students, the octo-jerk and his goons, Ruggie, hell, even the teachers.

"Ugh, what I mean is: In Afterglow Savanna, family’s those who care about you, so you...have plenty of family members here at NRC.”

Yuu blinked. That was… “...really good advice,” they murmured out as they tilted forward till they bumped into his arm. “Thank you.”

“Don’t count on me doing it again, herbivore,” Leona’s hand ruffled their hair before he yawned. “Now stop cryin’ already, it’s making it hard to sleep.”

Of course. Typical Leona. He couldn’t let a sweet moment be, he just had to find a way to bite back at the end. It still made Yuu feel a lot better as they watched Leona lie down to take a proper nap this time.

And Yuu was content watching him and Cheka doze. It gave them ample time to calm down and to think about what Leona said. And he was right. Maybe they didn't need to try so hard to remember. It'll all come back someday so...they should live in the present. And their current present was taking care of these two, so they would try enjoying it to the fullest. Thinking about it that way, well...it didn't seem so bad.

[ omake : sleep with us ! ]

Leona scratched at his ears as he sat on his bed. It was nighttime now, and after that little nap, the little brat had wrung them dry with requests. And by them, he meant the herbivore. It seemed that they were taking their job as a babysitter seriously. Now Cheka was throwing a tantrum because the herbivore wanted to go back to their dorms.

"Cheka, it's okay," Yuu was crouching in front of the little cub that blocked their way. "I'll be back tomorrow, I promise." It's kinda cute how they think Cheka would just give up that easily. The brat was almost as stubborn at him at times.

"But, but!" Cheka's cheeks puffed out. "I want you to sleep here." Me too, Leona wanted to echo. But if things went well then he would get exactly that without even lifting a finger. Besides, was the prefect someone who was immune to a kid's pleading? He didn't think so.

"I, er, have a friend that'll be worried if I don't go back."

"But why can't you sleep here with me and Leona-ojitan?" Yuu threw a glance over, and Leona took care not to seem too amused by the cub's actions.

"Because there's no space unless I sleep on the couch...?" Leona snorted at the poorly covered-up lie. It was useless, because-

"Leona-ojitan's bed is big enough for the three of us!" And there we go, Cheka finally pointed out the elephant in the room. Cheka tugged at their shirt. "Please~ Stay with me."

"Give it up, herbivore," Leona yawned. "The night isn't getting any longer. Just get over here already." The brat sent them the best puppy eyes‐ or was it kitty eyes?– that he could before the herbivore finally sighed.

"Fine. Let's go to sleep," Yuu carried the little menace over to the bed and Cheka went straight to pulling them closer to him. Which he appreciated. But he could do it on his own if he wanted to.

He ended up with the herbivore sidled up close to him, Cheka squishing between them both and using Yuu like a personal pillow. Which was rude, because clearly, Yuu was his personal pillow, not Cheka's. But he would allow it this once since he did a good job of getting them to stay.

He could still see the slight redness in their eyes from when they had cried earlier. It still left a bad taste in his mouth just thinking about it. He hadn't realized how lonely of an existence the herbivore was until that moment.

"Does he get that stubbornness from you?" Their eyes met his and he doesn't look away.

Instead, he shrugged, "Dunno. Maybe. Now go to sleep." Thankfully the prefect didn't open their smart mouth again. They fell asleep quick, probably just as exhausted as the brat was.

But Leona found that he couldn't sleep all that easily that night. The warmth he was feeling, the sound of two others was far too loud in his ears. And a sense of kinship from the herbivore of all people; the loneliness that they couldn't yet shake. Leona had known that feeling all too intimately for far too long. So maybe this time, he could be the one to be there for them. This time, he could be the helping hand that his younger self would’ve wanted to have.

thanks for reading the yuu angst ! comments and rbs are always appreciated <3 if you'd like to read more, check out my ao3 + masterlist !

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[heartaspects]

Listen. Look okay listen. I'm going to be incredibly honest with you. I unironically think that the way Homestuck presents Dave's relationship with his brother, and it's depiction of abuse, is actually one of the best portrayals of abuse in modern media. Especially coming from the perspective of what it's like being an abuse victim coming to terms with what you were experiencing being abuse.

Because when you grow up with that? It's incredibly normalized. And Dave's presented at both an age and an environment where his entire world view is to laugh off discomfort. It's not that he's uncomfortable, he's not ALLOWED to be uncomfortable, it's that he just does not get the layer of irony that his brother is on. And the way the comic frames abuse. Like obviously I don't think hussie intended to actually do a serious abuse narrative from the start, but as a result of that, the way people interacted with it as an abuse narrative feels more sincere then actual stories that set out to explore abuse and the effect of it on the psyche. Like people laughed it off, and it matches how Dave views his own situation perfectly, and it's only in hindsight how you look at it and go. Ohhh. Wait that was fucked up huh.

And just. Ugh the way the comic handles Dave's complex relationship with his brother as a result of his abuse. Dave is a character that, I would argue, so badly wants to love. His defining characteristic is his loyalty to his friends. Even the moments where he talks about how he doesn't love his brother, you can feel the hesitation and uncertainty in it. And those complex feelings just works so well. I think one of the biggest sins the fandom has when exploring Dave's relationship to his home life and brother, is making him sincerely and unironically hate his brother. I think. I think Dave wants to hate his brother way more than he actually does, because even with the knowledge of how poorly he was treated and how he didn't deserve to grow up in that environment? He still cannot get rid of what he wanted from his brother, because Dave just loves to a fault. Dirk was good not only for Dave, but for the fandoms perspective into Bro. And I could just go on and on...

Ugh. Ugh. Sorry to just pop off in your dms, stranger. I was already in a meta introspective mood, and your tags lit something in me. I hope you're having a good day, and take this as an invitation to pop off as well. Whether you agree or not, LMAO.

I AGREE WITH YOU 100%. regarding hussie's intent: id say 50/50. hussie knows what they're doing. that's where i like to start hs discussion. hs treats its serious moments as jokes. gamzee, the dancestors, alpha dave and rose, JAKE, etc. tragedy and comedy blend on purpose. and it's to make fun of us. and be Edgy. look, just expect pain to be written as funny.

the framing and dave's pov made the situation fly over heads. like you said, abused children consider their abuse as normal as washing the dishes. dave knew nothing but his bro for 13 years. you can see the insincerity in the way he talks about his home life. he was in survival mode. act 2 dave is lying to you.

"bro is cool it's just how he is no one GETS IT ok its not like that its not" - dave strider. we dont know 100% how dave regarded him but--imo--his view on heroism and interactions with dirk betray he wanted his brother to love him. disdain comes, but it took processing time. that was mistaken as everything being a-ok. hs releasing over years probably made the reveal feel sudden and uncalled for despite the evidence of dave's mounting discomfort peeking through his façade. hes a knight, man, if you believe him when he says everything is under control you totally fell for it.

i think youre right when you say the verbal confirmation of dave's abuse caused polarization because it was realistic. "hussie threw it in cheaply" "it was never implied in the text" "the fanbase is pushing it" etc etc. it couldve been handled better, but dave's background struggle with it is present in his pesterlogs.

i'm not even going to start on how refusing to acknowledge bro's abuse impacts reading dirk and dave's relationship as a whole. ignoring it takes away a massive part of what makes them so important to each other. that's a post for another day if society wants to hear me ramble, but dirk-likers who defend bro because he's dirk are honestly doing dirk a disservice. even DIRK is well aware of what he's capable of. we're talking about a destroyer class with a genius, cunning mind who was influenced by an erratically violent hellpuppet. there is no way he was a "cool brother".

tldr; the proof of bro's mistreatment is everywhere. dont make me get the image

[thepaintedlady00]

So I've been INSANELY busy lately and just caught up on everything from Chapter 4 on, and I stg I am FERAL right now. So, as a fellow writer, I decided to compile a review for each chapter.

Chapter 4 - Alex Burgess deserves to suffer everything Penny had been made to live through and more. I would very much like to tuck Penny in a blanket and give her cocoa and cuddles.

Chapter 5 - The way he MOURNS her! The way his every other thought is her! The way he adores her so clearly despite not having ever even spoken to her! Also, I love the idea of Johanna as a friend.

Chapter 6 - All of the Endless (Including the Prodigal) AND Mother Night checking in on Penny throughout the years is so fucking sweet to me? Like "Dream cannot guide you now, and we cannot free him, but we love him, as do you. And for that we love you the same." It's just amazing! They aren't a standard family but they still love one another so much.

Chapter 7 - That line about knowing why Lucifer was gods favorite is so smooth, lmao. Dream's introspection on why Nada wouldn't suit as his wife was also cute as hell (pardon the pun.) The gentle way he cares for her is everything, too. The commentary about his battle leathers is 100% accurate, too. He had NO right to look that good.

Chapter 8 - Penny, who has lived easily a hundred years, meeting John, who believes it's his right to force others to live in only the harsh light of truth, was fascinating. I'm also getting such strong Alice In Wonderland vibes from Destiny's maze conversation. And Dream's own protectiveness of Penny is heartwarming. And the way she can shape and revitalize the dreaming is so cool!

Overall - I also love the continuing motif of butterflies with Penny, especially since the name Penelope means 'weaver', as in "One who weaves a new path". This is just such a brilliant story. His willingness to help her and protect her is just everything to me. I cannot WAIT to see more, thank you so much for sharing this amazing story with us.

Oh my god bestie! You just made my night! 😍

Chapter 4 was so hard for me to get through and I cut out A LOT of stuff because it was just so painful and as Penelope's mom basically I literally had this moment where i just scrapped a huge chunk because it felt so wrong to like expose these very painful and very raw moments she had. And I also really truly didn't want anyone to be scarred or anything reading it. And I'm glad I did, I think the little that I gave says enough about what went down. Alex got off easy and its honestly because Dream was just done, he'd thought he lost the last little shred of hope he had and he just wanted to go home and fulfill his final promise to Penelope.

Chapter 5 is still my favorite because I was literally heartbroken writing it 😅 It was so painful to write Morpheus mourning because he feels things so deeply but also so privately. I loved that it felt so natural and so heartbreaking even though they'd never spoken (that I think also added a lot more pain 😂). My favorite part of this was when he had to kill Gregory and he was just thinking about how much she would have loved all his creations and how unfair it was. 😭 Absolutely broke me! But in a piece of Dreams chapter 8 POV that I cut out (I'm going to publish it hopefully tomorrow before chapter 9s release) he has this parallel of that moment that I just adore.

Chapter 6 I am so glad you caught Night! I plan on expanding on that a bit later, but I'm happy someone caught it! The other Endless I loved writing for! Death is 100℅ like this is my little brothers future wife I'm not letting her go without making sure she's okay first. Destruction is gonna be a big influence on a lot of Penelope's future (chapter 9 will be getting into this) the friendship she has with him is literally so soft and I adore it and so when he leaves her its heartbreaking. Despair I truly didn't know how to do and I felt meh about it but rereading it I think it actually does a great job showcasing where she's at this point in her journey. Desire is a riot! They are so fun to write and I just love all of it! I think for the twins their care is hidden under this "we just wanted to see if it was true" guise but Desire 100℅ was watching to make sure Pen was safe while she was trying to fill that void and no one can convince me otherwise.

Chapter 7 I love Lucifer's character and I truly wanted to capture that awe Penelope has when meeting them because demons she's seen and they're all grotesque but Lucifer the ruler of hell and demons is just beautiful. 😩 Love it. You can thank @true-queen-of-mischief (and a ton of other stuff because they're amazing!) for the final version of the Nada paragraph because they have a ton of knowledge on the comic books so they helped me workshop that whole things as well as the end with Penelope's mom and her forgiveness of her. Dreams gentle nature is so fun to write, its just so soft and it kills me 🥺 The battle leathers! 🥵 They knew what they were doing with that!

Chapter 8 John needs to be put down a peg and I was more than happy sending in Penny because she knows a power hungry asshole when she sees one. 🤷‍♀️ And yes! I was absolutely going for the Alice in Wonderland vibes with that scene! Destiny is going to be featured again because I literally find him so fascinating among other reasons.

Oh my god! You're picking up on some of my foreshadowing and I love it!!!! 🤭😍😩 Butterflies, her name, all of it means something which chapter 9 and 10 will be getting into and I'm SO excited for it! It was one of my major ideas for the story and Penny and so I'm so excited to see it come to life and for you guys to get to react to it! I think it's amazing, so I hope you all do too once you find out! But seriously thank you so much! I adore getting to read what you and all the other readers are thinking and loving about the story! I'm so happy knowing you guys are loving it! 😭🥰😍

[startanewdream]

Written for @efkgirldetective's Summer of Jily Prompt #7 (Ice cream + "I don't want anybody else touching you like I do).

Tumblr exclusive at the moment because I don't have a title and the 'happy ending' part of the 'angst with a happy ending' was lost somewhere.

Rated M.

I will love to hear your thoughts about this!

_______________

I.

She is at the end of her round, going towards his cabin—her friends’ cabin, though Lily knows exactly who she is hoping to meet there—when she hears it.

‘—and Potter, what a waste. He won’t ever join him.’

‘We should just wipe him away. Blood traitor, muggle lover—’

‘You mean mudblood lover, Severus?’ Avery’s voice is tinted with malice and there are snickers around. ‘Potter and Evans seem pretty close nowadays. Do you think she gives him everything she denied you?’

‘I would never filth myself,’ comes Snape’s cold reply. ‘If he is tainting his blood, all the worse for him.’

Taint his blood. Is this what Lily’s presence does to James? Is she putting him in a danger he didn’t need to be just by being closer to him?

It’s Snape’s words and she shouldn’t listen to him—the days where she would hear him, would admire him, are long gone—but when she finally reaches the cabin (when James grins at the sight of her, bright and warm, and her heart skips a beat and Lily has to smile back), she sits away from James.

‘Anything wrong?’ he asks, familiar enough to read the tension on her face.

‘No, all normal,’ Lily says, and it’s the first lie.

______

II.

It’s summer and everyone is out of age now and apparating makes things so easy that Lily finds herself less and less at home during that break.

She tells herself it’s because she is avoiding the presence of her sister’s annoying fiance; she blames the fact that Dorcas has a beach house and it’s so much better spending days swimming and tanning; she even goes introspective to blame the pressure of the war looming over them in a way that means she needs to enjoy the last summer break before real life gets them.

But she knows the reason is James.

She finds herself gravitating towards him, unable to resist that attraction even as she knows how dangerous it is for him. Once or twice Lily thinks of telling him about it, of warning how he is stupidly raising his stakes by being near her, but she gives up only for the fact that this (might drive him away and she doesn't want it, not really) would probably just make him want to be even closer to her.

And they are already alarmingly close.

Once Lily would have been repulsed by that idea, but one year later everything has changed—James has changed—and everything about him appeals to her. The way he cares for everyone around him. The way he smiles patiently whenever he is explaining something. The way he grins as if to invite the world to share a great funny joke with him. How he runs his hand through his hair when he’s nervous. How he is so expansive that he seems to occupy any room he is in. How he loves flying, even more than Quidditch, and how relaxed he seems when he is on a broom. How he talks to her, taking it seriously when she needs to and making a joke when things get too serious. How he opens up about his own life and doubts and listens to her.

That would make them friends, really good friends, but then Lily’s heart would not stop racing when he’d touched her hand, or when their knees would bump while sitting closely in the library and then she was forced to note all the physical aspects—the muscles of his arms, the shape of full lips, the line of his jaw, the hazel kaleidoscope of his eyes and how fit he was—and give up any belief her feelings were limited to a friendship.

She fancies him, okay.

Except it’s not okay, because it’s dangerous and by now Lily is positive that James knows it too. Everyone knows it.

They end up together, just the two of them, a lot during that summer. It takes Lily a few days to realize it’s not a coincidence that her interests never align with those of her friends—if she wants to swim, somehow it’s only her and James in the sea; at night, even though it’s still so warm, they are the only ones who venture into the pool for a midnight swim, while the others stay stubbornly indoors.

When Lily suggests going to town to grab an ice cream, somehow James is the only one who is in the mood for it, despite the heat.

It’s not on purpose from his part—at least that’s how Lily sees it—but he isn’t refusing her company either and neither is she refusing his, so James’ boldness flourishes that summer. It’s not cocky as it once would be, it’s just a quiet acceptance that something is finally happening between them as if he never stopped believing it would be possible. Lily feels it when he throws his arm around her shoulders when they are sitting close, almost absently, almost not noticing when Lily lays her head over his shoulder; it’s there when he openly gawks the first time he sees her in a swimming suit, only to be nudged in the ribs by Sirius and then complimenting her ('good thing you wear robes at school, Evans, or there wouldn’t be much schoolwork done'). It’s definitely there when he intertwines their hands, pulling her to the sea with him.

And it’s there when they are sitting closer than they would need for a bench so wide, watching seagulls flying over the sea, each one holding an ice cream.

‘Chocolate chips with chocolate cover and chocolate sprinkles,’ James teases. ‘I think you have an addiction, Lily.’

‘Guilty,’ she replies, not ashamed at all, proving her ice cream and very aware of how James is staring at her. ‘It’s better than asking for vanilla ice cream.’

‘Hey!’ He would look deeply offended if not for the grin on his lips. ‘I’ll let you know vanilla is the best flavour.’

‘Never took you for a vanilla guy, James.’

‘What would take me for? The adventurous gorgeous type?’

Lily laughs, but she doesn’t answer. She doesn’t want to lie to him and deny it.

‘Attractive mysterious type, then?’ he insists. ‘Handsome scoundrel?’

‘I notice your beauty is enhanced a lot.’

‘My beauty? So you admit that I’m beautiful, Evans?’

‘Do I need to? You seem to already know it.’

‘I enjoy hearing you saying all the same,’ he says, and though James shrugs easily she can sense the shift in his eyes, the nervous glint there. ‘That means we would make a beautiful couple.’

‘We would,’ she whispers, still not wanting to lie.

She turns back her attention to the ice cream, already melting under the scorching sun. It makes a mess, and James laughs as she tries to lick the ice cream out of her hands, but then his laugh dies and she watches him swallow slowly, reacting. He always reacts to her.

She licks her lips now, and he also watches this movement, the grin on his face replaced by concentration—no, determination, a fierce look and Lily knows what James will do even before he raises his hand to slide his thumb at the corner of her mouth.

‘You missed here,’ he says, and though he must have wiped off the ice cream already, his caress remains.

His eyes are dark now, even under the sunlight, and he registers how Lily hasn’t stepped back, how she raises her head just the slightest to get closer to him. His gaze strays to her lips, Lily blinks, and then James looks back at her.

‘Lily,’ he says, and it’s a question.

‘James,’ she says, and it’s the only answer she can give him.

His lips find hers and in the bright darkness that surrounds Lily when she closes her eyes, she can see everything in colour. The white of his taste of vanilla. The green of his perfume that reminds her of early mourning in the woods. The brown of his skin as he pulls her closer, one hand holding the back of her neck and the other hand finding hers, locking their fingers together. The red of her blood pumping furiously through her veins, so loud and unstoppable.

And she sees him, messy dark hair, hazel bright eyes, her own sun.

But when they break apart, when she watches him keeping his eyes closed a second longer—savouring it, remembering it—, all that comes to her mind it’s the warning.

Taint his blood.

Her smile falters.

‘James,’ she whispers, all warmth of the day gone, hating everything but herself so much more when he opens his eyes and they are filled with hope. ‘This doesn’t mean anything.’

And this is the second lie she tells him.

___________

III.

Summer is over as far as Lily is concerned, but they still have two weeks in which she forces a smile up to her lips that doesn’t fool anyone.

Everyone knows something happened, though no one knows exactly what, and Lily feels too tired to pretend everything is normal. James barely acknowledges her when they are in the same room, and in the few occasions their eyes meet, there is nothing of that familiarity that he once thrived to share with her. He looks confused and hurt.

Lily could deal with the confusion but she is powerless against the hurt. She is the one who damaged him after all.

Their friends are mostly adamant in letting them deal with the situation, one notable exception being Sirius Black, but Lily didn’t expect anything less from him. He watches her rather resentfully in the first days, and Lily starts looking for excuses to avoid attending the events she had carefully arranged with them (with James, sitting by the edge of the lake, holding a scroll against his back as they wrote everything they would do, laughing and planning and hoping).

The summer days are hot, unbearably hot, and the breeze that comes through the window of her room isn’t enough. She could cast a Cooling Charm, but her wand is far away and the fact that she can cast spells outside school has lost its appeal now. She doesn't even celebrate when her school letter comes with a badge attached to it.

Most of the time Lily just stares at the ceiling of her room, finding patterns in the painting that aren’t really there, too strained and too tired to avoid being even more strained—her mind keeps replaying the moment James leaned closer, the brief moment his breath tingled her skin and the softness of his lips over hers, and Lily has no strength to avoid it. She is addicted to it, to the one thing she had a taste of and cannot have again.

Five days into hiding (she is hiding, Lily won’t deny it), her sister knocks on her door to tell her unceremoniously that one of her freak friends has come to visit her.

‘Hurry, I don’t want Vernon finding him when he arrives,’ Petunia tells her, and Lily ignores her completely.

Him, she said. Him, Lily thinks, and her mind conjures James sitting on the couch of her parents’ living room, a grin on his lips as he charms his way with her parents (he charmed her, Lily doesn’t see what challenge her parents would present), accepting a cup of tea and looking around trying to understand all the muggle contraptions in that muggle house—

Muggle lover. All the worse for him.

She rushes downstairs, her heart pounding on her head, her mouth dry with the excuses she will have to present (go away, just go away) but it’s not James after all.

Sirius looks even more out of place than the James she imagined inside her head, standing with his arms crossed in that pastel living room, and with an unhappy grimace on his lips. He turns at the sound of her, his grey eyes burning disapprovingly—and then, as he stares at her, his expression shifts.

‘You are a mess, Evans.’

Self-consciousness washes over her, and Lily runs her hand through her hair—or tries to, because it gets stuck in the knots of her messy braid. She knows she hasn’t changed clothes ever since she woke up, though it’s nearly midday, so she does the only thing she can: she presses her lips, crosses her arms and tries to look unfazed.

‘I wasn’t expecting a visit,’ she says. It’s summer break, she can do nothing all day.

‘I didn’t even mean your appearance. It was more your… aura.’

‘Aura,’ she repeats, a tiny part of her finding this amusing, but Lily can’t muster strength enough to break a smile. ‘Very mystical, Sirius.’

‘That’s me, master of occult arts. But in this case, I just needed to look at you. You—you look miserable.’

‘Thanks. If that’s all you wanted to say—’

‘Oh, no, I came here to give you a piece of my mind about how you broke my best friend’s heart, but you look somehow worse than him. What’s going on?’

Lily shrugs. ‘Nothing.’

‘So you just decided to play with his feelings and ditch him the moment he corresponded?’

His words are a poison that crawls through her skin, entering it slowly but certain; Lily feels it reaching her bloodstream, spreading through every part of her body, until the poison finds her heart. She thought she was oblivious to pain after the last days, but she was wrong.

‘I wasn’t playing with his feelings,’ she whispers, her voice hoarse, so close to breaking.

‘Then what? I thought—everyone thought—you fancied him too. Merlin, Evans, that boy was in love with you.’

The worst part is that Lily knows it. It was not a play to James, it never was. She saw it in the way his face lighted up at the sight of her, how eager he was to become friends once Lily first extended her peace flag. She saw how his eyes always looked first for her in any room he entered, how he’d find any reason to stay closer.

And she saw everything because she was paying attention.

Of course she was. One does not fall in love also if not paying attention.

‘I don’t know what to say, Sirius,’ Lily says truthfully. ‘I am sorry for all the confusion I’ve caused.’

‘Sorry is not enough.’

‘I know.’

Sirius watches her with something that borders on disappointment now. ‘You better find a way of fixing this, Evans.’

‘I—I don’t know how. I’m trying to keep my distance—’

‘And how is that helping you two?’

It’s not, Lily knows, and that’s the point. She can’t explain to James what is the problem and she is afraid that if she sees him again, if her determination falters her for one second—

‘We are going to have a party tomorrow night,’ Sirius says, his voice leaving no room for argument. ‘Dorcas’ house. It’s a goodbye party, we even invited the muggle neighbours. You’ll come, you’ll find James and you’ll talk. Fix this.’

‘I can’t.’

‘You better find a way, Evans, because that thing of keeping your distance? Well, Hogwarts letter came yesterday. Let me guess, you are Head Girl.’

Lily nods, not understanding where Sirius is heading with this.

‘Guess who’s Head Boy this year?’

____________

Lily hears the music as soon as she disapparates near Dorcas’ house. People, young people around her age, are walking towards the house and she joins the flow letting herself get lost in that stream of people, hoping it’s enough to not draw attention to her presence.

It’s useless. As soon as she crosses the doorway, Dorcas cries for her, her voice louder than the music, and then people look at her curiously.

‘Merlin, Lily!’ Dorcas cries, ignoring everyone in the room to whom that sentence makes no sense. ‘I thought I would need to invade the Prefect’s Cabin to see you again.’

‘Sorry, sorry,’ Lily says, accepting Dorcas’ hug, and using it as an excuse to avoid looking around. ‘I had stuff to do.’

It’s vague, it’s almost a lie, and Dorcas is on the edge of discussing it when Lily says she is going to get a drink, leaving the room.

When she reaches the kitchen, Lily considers that having herself questioned by Dorcas was preferable, because of course she runs into James at the first opportunity.

And of course he already has a company.

He is with his back to her, holding a bottle of beer in his hand while he talks with a pretty dark-haired girl. In another time Lily would find amusing how James obviously has no idea what he’s talking about—muggle rock bands, a subject that Sirius would fare better—, but she can’t break a smile right now, because she sees that James is trying.

That’s what he is doing with that unknown girl. He is making a real effort to keep a conversation, trying to understand what she is saying; he is trying to look interesting, to gather her attention.

Ten days, she thinks selfishly. We kissed ten days ago and I can’t stop thinking about it and you are flirting with another girl.

He must sense her staring; he turns around, and his eyes find her for a brief second before Lily bolts through the door (she is running, and she won’t deny it), grabbing the first bottle she sees on her way out.

Sirius must have lied to her (you broke my best friend’s heart), because James looks normal. Not hurt anymore, just… normal. Not like he used to like her in those first glorious days of the summer—bright and hopeful and awaiting—but as if she is just anyone else. Ordinary.

It’s fair, all things considered. She couldn’t expect him to remain in love with the girl who kissed him then rejected him. But she sees it, clearly as day, what the future holds: James will move on whatever he feels for her (that boy was in love with you) and then he will do with someone else everything he used to do with her—that inviting grins, the glint in his eyes, throwing his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer, so… intimate. Familiar. Hers.

He will share with others what used to be hers.

She leaves the house, in search of a quiet place at the beach to sit on, and looks at the bottle in her hands. Wine. Not good. She will take forever to get drunk on wine and afterwards the headache won’t even be worth it.

But it’s all she has and James is somewhere in that house flirting with a girl (that’s not her) that didn’t reject him and he has every right to do it. Even if it’s a muggle girl. Even if the reason Lily is not with him is that she is muggleborn.

It’s ironic and it’s sad, but it’s not the same. This is a one-night thing. It’s the end of the summer, he’s probably just looking for the last bit of carefree summer adventure as the single guy he is. They will just dance with each other, close together, enjoying their freedom, finding a secluded room, and he will touch the corner of her lips, asking, and she will say yes because that’s the only answer she can give him.

It won’t mean anything, but this time it will be true and this time James won’t get hurt by it.

Maybe Lily should do the same. Not to get even, but to start her own way forward. She can’t be harbouring her feelings for him—wasn’t that the point of not advancing things? Wasn’t that why she lied to him? (That kiss had meant everything)

She takes a sip of the wine, then another and one more for good measure, and she rises, almost colliding with him. Of course.

‘Hey,’ he says awkwardly, arms extended to steady her. It lasts less than a second, but his hands over her arms burn all the same, stronger than the heat any day of that summer.

‘Hi.’

He is looking at a point over her head, unable to meet her eyes, his hand lifting the hair at the back of his head and Lily remembers running her fingers through the strands of his hair while they were kissing, enjoying the fact that for once she was the one messing it.

‘Look, I’m just gonna say it, okay?’ James says in a rush, not as when he is excitedly talking about something he finds interesting. ‘I’m sorry for—for everything.’

Everything. What does it mean?

‘I am too,’ she answers carefully. He takes a deep breath.

‘I heard we are going to be Heads this year—I don’t know what Dumbledore was thinking, really—and I don’t want things to be weird between us.’

Weird. Things were never weird between them before. They weren’t friends, then Lily barely stood him, then they were acquaintances, then they were friends, then they were flirting with each other and then they were so close to something.

But never weird.

Somehow this notion helps to clear the fog in her head.

‘I don’t want it either,’ Lily says, and there is no doubt in her voice. James seems to breathe again with her words.

‘Good.’ There is a moment of silence. ‘Can we forget everything and go back to being just friends?’

Lily steels herself. She takes a look at James’ face—his eyes are on her forehead now, almost meeting her eyes but not yet ready—, one last look to admire him in the darkness of the beach and she is not lying when she says: ‘We can.’

By the end of the night it will be a lie, though, and that’s number three.

___________

They are trying and because no one tries better than James Potter, they are almost achieving it.

They go back to the house, keeping a safe distance between them so no one could misinterpret it, but whatever their friends see in their faces seems to relax everyone. Lily and James are fine, they believe, they are over that weird thing between them, and Lily starts believing it too.

She can do it.

A bottle of gin finds its way towards her group and the music is exciting. It’s a party, she is on a party, and it’s easy to join Dorcas in the middle of a dance, and it’s even easier when Dorcas is replaced by a cute muggle boy who doesn’t look anything like James (that’s why it’s easier—it takes only one second for her to look for any similarity and find none and it’s so easy).

She wonders if that’s why James was talking to that dark-haired girl. If he was avoiding finding Lily in someone else too.

But that’s a bad thought, it’s not a thought of someone who’s trying (and Lily is, she swears), so she accepts his arms, let who-knows-his-name twirl her around the room, but when he leans in to kiss her, she laughs and diverts—she is trying, but it takes small steps, so she says something about getting another drink and goes to the next room.

That’s a mistake.

A big, big mistake.

She finds them sitting close together on a couch that should only fit one, joining some silly drinking game. His arm is around her shoulders, holding a glass that’s nearly finished; they are laughing and as Lily watches it, the girl leans closer to speak something in his ear, her hand playing with the curls of his hair as she speaks. It takes a full second, but he grins, turning to her and winking.

It could be nothing, it could be just some joke, but it’s not harmless, Lily knows it. It’s a flirt, and James has every right to do it; he is free and Lily has just told him they can be friends. Friends don’t get jealous. Friends don’t get their hearts ripped out with the sight of the other smiling happily at someone else.

Lily can’t do it at all.

So she turns away and runs once more (she’s getting quite good at it by now), sprinting upstairs in search of an empty room, somewhere where she can rest until she can breathe again, until she can rearrange her expression into something normal enough for her to come back to the party, find that blond guy who is not James and enjoy her summer break as he is doing right now.

Until she can pretend everything is normal.

‘Lily?’

His voice breaks the silence of that room—though Lily knows she would have heard it anyway—and it sends a wave of panic through her body. She is not ready. She can’t look at him and still keep her promise.

James doesn’t know about her troubles—he is trying after all, and he is so much better at this than Lily will ever be—so he walks towards her, takes a look at her face and kneels in front of her.

‘Are you okay?’

‘No,’ she says, unable to lie. He would see through her anyway.

‘I saw you leaving—what happened?’

‘I need more time. I can’t...’

‘Can’t what?’ She doesn’t answer. James sighs. ‘Are you drunk? Come on, rest a little, I will bring you some water—’

‘I’m not drunk,’ Lily says. Another truth. ‘I just need—I want—’

‘What?’

In answer, she raises her hand and lets her fingers comb his hair. He shivers, his breath catching, his eyes widening and he holds her arm to stop the movement. Nervous. Insecure. She can’t fault him. They’ve been there before, at the edge of something, and she accepted only to turn him away a second later.

‘What are you doing?’

It’s a demand more than a question, and Lily attends it. ‘I don’t want anybody else touching you like I do. It’s mine.’

Her voice is ferocious and unfair and Lily waits for his cold reply, the one she deserves—she has no right to claim any part of him—, but it never comes. Instead, James blinks.

‘Then take it,’ he challenges. Lily does.

Her lips crash over his, and this time is not soft or patient. It’s desperate and when she tastes the whiskey in his mouth, she understands the difference and gladly accepts it. His hands are everywhere—holding her waist, climbing under her skirt, running through her hair to pull her closer—but what somehow stays with her it’s the moment he closes the door and then they are alone and the darkness is their friend.

The darkness makes it easy, embarrassingly easy, for her to break the kiss enough to lift his shirt and for him to slide her dress down and for them to find their way to the bed. He holds her, his lips incessantly, and a part of Lily wonders if he doesn’t want to break apart for fear of what happened the last time he did it.

But the majority of her is too wrapped in the feelings he is bringing to worry about anything. She accepts him, accepts every caress he distributes openly, and returns it eagerly. She tastes the saltiness of his skin, feels every muscle of his chest—the ones she has memorized after so many days at the beach though she had only imagined how they would feel under her fingers—, presses herself closer to him. His hands are exploring her—he saw her at the beach too—and then his mouth replaces his hands and the moan that escapes her lips is true.

She pulls him up, tasting her own sweat on his lips—it was a warm day and it’s a warmer night—and her hands work on the button of his jeans. There is a moment of hesitation—he breaks away, his eyes boring into hers even as the darkness barely allows them to see each other—and then it’s gone. He pulls her last piece of cloth then stands up long enough to take out his last one and then there is only them.

Only Lily and James, except they don’t feel like two anymore. They are one and in the darkness, Lily sees those colours that are so James once more, fireworks whose sounds are moans and short breaths and names whispered so low that the other could pretend they didn’t hear.

But Lily hears it and it’s hers. He is hers for that moment and she is his.

She lied before (and now she knows it). She can’t forget him. She can’t be just friends. James is bright sunny days, cosy cold nights and she longs to share it all with him (she couldn’t, but her mind can’t recall why right now). She locks her hand with his, her nails burying into his skin, and Lily doesn’t want to let go.

He holds her hand, pressing it so hard that she can’t feel circulation there anymore, and then he cries her name, this time impossible to deny it. He called her.

It’s not the last time he will do it tonight. He presses another kiss to her lips—it’s feverish and urgent and somehow even more desperate than the first one—, rests his forehead against her catching his breath and Lily enjoys the moment, enjoys that pleasure and soreness that runs through her body, enjoys how her chest brushes against his as she breathes, slower each time, recovering.

Recover. As if she could.

James breaks apart, rolling to the side and for a moment there is silence, the music distant, the world distant until it’s not anymore, until the world seems too close and the air too heavy, not one breeze to refresh it. Lily thinks of opening the window—it’s already opened, the wind bringing the smell of the sea to the room—when she realizes it’s not the air that feels wrong.

It’s them. No, it’s him.

‘James,’ she calls, panic and fear trembling her voice, coldness spreading through her skin in a way that it should not be possible, not on this summer day.

She can hear him rising from the bed, grabbing his clothes.

‘Lily,’ he answers shortly, opening briefly the door and she can’t see his face. ‘I know, it doesn’t mean anything.’

And that’s James Potter's first lie.

[aielwasteofspace]

Knee Jerk Reactions

Or, Its may be 2:30am, and I may have to work tomorrow, but I just binged the first three episodes, and all the bonus content, and damnit I want to talk about it.

So, where do we begin?

Well, The Eye of the World, the first book in Robert Jordan’s fantasy epic, the Wheel of Time, was released January 15th 1990. Published by Tor it-

Fuck that, you wanna know the history of the books, google it. These books are thirty years old, if someone who loves you hasn’t convinced you to read them by now, A) they don’t really love you, or 2) you’re a stubborn bastard. And at this point, why would you READ them. It’s not like there’s a perfectly good adaptation available for easy consumption and-

Not you. Nobody likes you.

There we go. That’s what papa likes.

So, yeah. I liked it. A lot.

A. Lot.

I’m gonna get this out of the way, right out of the gate, if you’re not caught up, catch up. Spoilers for episodes 1 through 3.

So, first off, is it EXACTLY like the books? You know, word for word, frame for frame?

No.

Shut up.

You’re stupid.

No one likes you.

You’re ruining my fun.

This isn’t for you, it’s for ME.

That’s right, it’s an adaptation baby, so things have changed. You want perfect Wheel of Time? Pick up the books you coward. There’s gonna be some changes around here. It’s not a 1:1 recreation, you shill. It’s tv fantasy in a post Game of Thrones world, and that means… something, I’m sure…

So yeah. There are noticeable departures from the source materials. Some I like, some I’m on the fence about. All of them I can understand.

Case and point, no Fade on the ride to the Two Rivers. Why? Thematically, it makes no sense. The first half of episode one is supposed to ease us into the waters and make us comfortable in the world. Hard to do that with a spooky scary leech man ogling you while your walking the whiskey to town. Seriously look at this

And tell me honestly you could chill with your homies like nothing happened. Tell me that lie you fu-

Perrin has a wife now. Who dies. By his hand. Oops. Guess what. It serves as an excellent setup for Perrin’s love hate relationship with his axe later on. Because hacking these

In self defense. Not exactly a cause for inner turmoil. Trauma? Oh, most certainly, but not introspection and wrestling with self doubt.

Mat has… character. Look, I know I’m planning hopscotch on landmines here, but Mat is actually incredibly boring for a vast majority of the first three books. He’s just kind of being jerked along by the PLOT and has no real motivations or deep character. But here? Making his parents shit? Giving him two baby sisters he loves more than anything? Holy hell, not only does this spur his big character moment in the first episode, you know when he runs out of the relative safety of the communal hiding barn because his waste of skin parents ditched their two prepubescent children in the face of an army of eight foot tall animal human hybrids indiscriminately murdering anything vaguely person, table, or bench shaped. You know, that one? The one that sets up his later acts of (reluctant) heroism. Yeah.

There’s a whole five minute foreshadowing of the Tower’s opinions of Wilders when Moirane and Nynaeve are talking about the previous Wisdom.

The inclusion of Egwane as one of the Ta’veren is an interesting choice. One could argue that the plot does bend over backwards to put her into the right place at the right time pretty constantly. Not sure if it was to add to the “Who is the Dragon Reborn “ subplot (that will hopefully be resolved by the end of this season, because let’s be honest dragging it on any longer would just be insulting to everyone) or not but I’m cool with it.

Not sure about Moirane knowing about Ta’Veren in the Two Rivers before getting there. That just seems… contrived? I dunno. Maybe some one will make it make sense to me.

Anyways, let’s talk about actual content now, because Damn. Shits good. The Tone is definitely dark, but not “I can’t see shit!” Don’t worry, the crew on this project understands that when you watch tv you want to be able to actually SEE what’s happening on screen. No, I mean Winternight. That was a thing. That happened. That was… brutal. Red Wedding WHO?

Side note, I’m gonna stop dunking on Game of Thrones, because it’s low hanging fruit, and honestly it’s getting kind of sad.

Anyways, it’s important to note that unlike some mouse eared cheapskates, this scene is filmed on location with practical effects, gently glazed with a fine coat of cgi to give it that special shine. And it looks INCREDIBLE. The Trollocs? Nightmare fuel. Perfection.

And since we’re talking about perfection, the cast is just asterisk chef’s kiss asterisk. Josha plays sheepish book 1 baby sad boi Rand excellently. Madeleine’s Egwane is so sweet an innocent, Zoe’s Nyaneve is tough as nails, Marcus’s Perrin is a sweet, gentle giant with all the deliberate slowness of a big man who knows he’s big. Barney is a charismatic scoundrel with a heart of gold. Daniel Henney is a portrait of Stoic stone faced strong and silent type. Rosamumd Pike is just… there aren’t enough complementary words in the English language, and I don’t know enough Spanish. Alexandre’s Thom is… look, he’s a sexy silver fox with the voice of a bluesy angle, and that’s all I’ll say about that for the sake of my sexuality.

Speaking of things that really get me going, if you like beautiful locals, then let me tell ya, every frame of these three episodes is set against the most gorgeous backdrops I’ve seen in any live action fantasy, hands down. I could go on for hours about the beauty of the world this show has brought to life, but instead I’ll just say that this show made me admire the fine details of a shitty mining town, a seedy tavern, and an open field. Nothing but grass and shrubs, and I was mesmerized.

What’s next? The plot? I don’t know. You tell me. I think it exactly the sort of frantic pacing the first book had, every time I found a comfortable position, shit started happening and I bolted upright. I like it so far. I’m excited to see what comes next. Give me all of it now. Shove it into my eyeballs and let me whimper my thanks like the pathetic fanboy I am.

The music was… hit or miss honestly. Some pieces had that sweeping fantasy vibe that Robert Jordan’s epic truly deserves. Some pieces were just okay. When it does hit, it knocks it out of the park, when it doesn’t, it will suffice. I have high hopes. We were promised a 4-album opera for season one, and damnit I want it.

So, how does it stack up with the books?

Honestly, I’ve been dreading answering that question, because it’s an adaptation of my favorite fantasy series of all time, the father of modern fantasy literature, the series that got me through some of the darkest times of my life. I want it to be perfect. And it’s not. I know I was a sarcastic dickhead before, and I’m sorry for that. The hard truth is that there will only ever be one perfect adaptation of The Wheel of Time, and that’s sitting in a place of honor on my bookshelf.

This isn’t a perfect adaptation, because perfect adaptations between mediums can’t exist. Putting a book on screen, as a film or a series, requires changes. Things that the text can imply, foreshadow or just plain tell the reader have to be done differently. A character’s innermost thoughts can’t be conveyed by a few lines. And above all else, the vision will always be that of the director, the editor, the crew, the cast. Things are going to change. They will be different. And with 14 books to get through, a lot will have to be compressed, summarized, or completely cut. Maybe things that I personally think are important. But I can live with that.

I will always have MY perfect Wheel of Time. First editions, given to me by my Mother when I showed interest in reading them. No one can take that from me. At the end of the day, this show is something else. It may not be MY Wheel of Time, but it is NEW Wheel of Time. It’s MORE Wheel of Time, and maybe it’s DIFFERENT Wheel of time. And I’m okay with that. I think everyone who loves the books can agree MORE Wheel of time is (almost) always a good thing.

TL;DR:

Show good, watch please. Read book.

So… yeah.

[iamherefortheships]

HCCC: I came for Kim Seon Ho playing the romantic lead, but I stayed for Shin Min Ah’s Hye-jin - Part 1

Hye-jin is such an archetype of a modern women that it’s not surprising that she was a polarizing character for the online fandom. Predictably everyone had an opinion on how she should behave coz 21st century is here, but we don’t get tired of judging female fictional characters on their fictional behavior.

Noticeably the same criticism didn’t extend to the male lead. I love Du-sik and Kim Seon Ho’s acting talents can lift any character off the page, but Hye-jin & Du-sik meet-cute was based on presumptuous behavior on both their parts. They were both quite appalling, yes sparks flew but if you were stranded in a town without a car, shoes, and money, would you really want to clean squids?? I think not.

Hye-jin is the modern working women representation that I ache to see on TV and here’s why (and I will ramble…sorry)!

A woman in STEM

Hye-jin being a dentist is an easy obvious win for the character and not just because it’s a tick against the feminist checklist. It’s important because its central to the story. Yes, Hyejin needed to move to Gonjin for character growth, for self-discovery, to stay employed. But also, the people of Gonjin needed her. Her profession allowed her to meet everyone and heal them..her credibility came not just from who she is but what she did. She was a great dentist, and we need to see how successful women in STEM can impact their communities!

Introvert & the kind of women who people often complain about “not smiling enough”

Another great trope inversion where the leading lady is not the chirpy, outgoing person holding the community together. The first few eps are really people of Gonjin baffled why this girl was not returning their big bright smiles (and people online on chats going why is she being like this? she is so mean!), Honestly, if anyone complains why is a girl ‘not nice enough’ one more time..I can't even...!!

She is very guarded, an introvert and understandably a city snob. Also, if you are single women living in a large city, I expect you tend to look at everyone with a little suspicion. I think SMA nailed that slightly wary suspicion of everyone being too friendly and kind. (My favorite scene when she accuses Du-sik and Ha jwong of scamming her into renting space from them!)

Do I approve of her casual snobbery at the senior citizen party when everyone was trying to make her feel welcome? No

Do I believe and relate to it? Hell, yes.

Not being perfect, but seeking perfection

Hye-jin listens, introspects, and learns. She is not perfect, but she is open to improving and adapting.

This is a great human quality in general but very often I see this woman more than in men. Women are hard on themselves, and they are constantly pushing for improvement.

Even smart, successful women do that all the time - they listen, learn and change. Which is why I think it’s so cool that Hye-jin has that trait. It shows refreshing maturity that is truly representative of real women!

Wow...this post is already longer than I thought....so turning this into a two-part post!

(PSA – All the ups and downs of KSH scandal notwithstanding, I know that Kdrama world continues to be divided on Kim Seon Ho. I wasn’t planning to cancel him when initial facts were known, because while the matter was morally reprehensible it did not appear criminal. Disappointing- yes. Damning, not clear. As more facts revealed itself, even the original story became shrouded in doubt. I don’t typically cancel artists that I admire, as literally my only expectation from them is they be good at their craft. I don’t hold their behavior to any specific standards, and I really don’t care about celeb personal lives (of course, there are always exceptions to the rule).

In most cases, I can separate the art from the artist…if I didn’t half my bookshelf will be empty and there will be no rock music from the 70s ...sigh! But I also understand and respect that not everyone wants to make that choice.

This is long winded way of saying that on this blog you may find posts/reblogs on KSH, the actor and the work he is in. And I get that it may not be okay for everyone, which means, read at your own risk.)

[dangeles]

also what do you think of the other new characters? i love them all a lot, i ADORE sadie and that whole speech she gave adam when he was being sooo whiny 2 eps ago. "okay first of all, im straight-" hsgjkgfhj amazing, shes amazing

also i really love oliver and his dynamic with mark? love what those two have going on. mark hiding the damien thing. oliver being a mess about the am thing. theyre great <3

Lengthy The College Tapes blabber incoming!

(spoiler warning, I think?)

[takes deep breath]

I love all the new characters!!!!!!!!!!!

They're all so different and unique, you can tell from their voices and cadence what they are like, and I have this mental image of all of them and I wanna sketch the whole squad so bad!! Sometime soon definitely 🤠 im working on Caleb's design (he's my favourite for obvious reasons, *cough* Briggon Snow *cough*.)

Frankie and Caitlyn???? Adorable and feisty!!! Ben is so sweet, I wanna protect them with my life!!

Adam popping off on his radio show and then sleuthing by himself but freaking out over crows? I love him!!!!!

Right off the bat from the first episode, I felt like Sadie is the singular operative braincell in the whole Yale/BU squad; she's so solid and cool and chill, and wow, I love her! She's really grounded as a person and everytime someone gets all flighty or obtuse, she really puts them in their place. Though, I gotta be honest, at first I was like 'ok but like she's TOO cool, should I be sus????' there have been some micro instances where I was like 'huh okay she sounds a bit... hesitant here?' but that's just me being extra cautious because, you know, after what happened with Helen in The AM Archives?? Good god, you can't be too careful :(

(RIP Owen, you are missed, you poor sweet man.)

Mark and Oliver are downright my favourite duo after Caleb and Adam. I highkey want them to be a Thing™. Please be a Thing™.

Oliver is a RIOT; I love him, he's so funny and it's like he's not even trying?? He's just Oliver and I split my sides laughing at how he navigates conversations with his short attention span. I'm so curious to know about his backstory in detail, trauma and all. I love how he skirts around the horrors he'd faced in Tier5 and puts up a brave nonchalant front (which Mark sees through like it's made of gossamer lmao)

Mark was always a favourite of mine since the Bright Sessions; he's so fun and you know he's a good looking dude, he just radiates it. And the fact he uses humour as a coping mechanism for his trauma?? Poor baby. He's had a lot of baggage and I want to know more about his absurd time with Damien (that was very interesting for both those characters.) Mark is a very compelling character and I could listen to him monologue to himself for hours.

Mark and Oliver, and their dynamic??? Our Comedic Tier5 Trauma Boys??? Oh man, I could listen to a 100 episode spinoff series of just them bickering back and forth domestically, getting into all sorts of Shippen-orchestrated shenanigans, and I'd be as happy as a clam!! Both voice actors are absolute GEMS; they bounce off each other so well, its so entertaining to listen to. It's never a dull moment with them, be it the sassy banter or when they discuss their crippling insecurities.

Apart from all that, can we agree that Oliver and Caleb is the funniest ''shut up! no you shut up!' pair ever???? I was wheezing everytime they put their heads together to figure out that godforsaken Book and ended up pissing each other off every time, introspective revelations aside.

In conclusion, I just love all of them, Your Honour.

This is one of those podcasts I listened to repeatedly, and will be listening to again and again and again and again and again and aga-