#ITS ALSO WHY I CHANGED THE CHOICE FROM PUPPET BEING THE SAME TO Tumblr posts

[disastersteps]

replaying rebirth (mostly to finally finalize what and who anita is) meant getting to appreciate mortum even more...!!!

also the scene where you told the doctor that you want the best, and hold on-

"You, or your mysterious boss? You need baseline psi-sensitivity to control this thing, and you, ${title}, have none." Dr. Mortum has been asking questions about who you are working for since day one.

Like. "damn they really guess this right waaaay in the start."

[no-passaran]

The story of Jesus Christ Superstar is the tragedy of its characters coming to realise that they have no power over their lives, fighting as much as they can against the role that history/God is forcing them to fulfil, but failing because they were doomed from the start.

Jesus in Gethsemane desperately asking God why should he be killed, how is that going to make anything better, only to realise that it doesn't matter what he believes or wants because it's already fixed ("why then am I scared to finish what I started? What you started, I didn't start it.") and there is nothing that can be done. Against his will, he will have to continue performing this role to its bitter end ("God, thy will is hard, but you hold every card. I will drink your cup of poison, nail me to your cross and break me, bleed me, beat me, kill me. Take me now, before I change my mind.")

Judas realises later, after he has already fulfilled his role in the story. This realization and regret leads him to commit suicide, being the only way out of a life that has already been fixed to make him the eternal villain ("you'll be remembered forever for this", "I shall be dragged through the slime and the mud")... even though this apparent choice of suicide was, following the same reasoning, also taken for him ("my God, I'm sick! I've been used! And you knew all the time. God! I'll never know why you chose me for your crime. Your foul, bloody crime. You have murdered me! Murdered me! Murdered me!"). Judas understands what he did, and he understands what he will be, forever. He understands that not only has he been Judas, he now knows what it means to be Judas: Jesus insulted him by telling him ("you liar, you Judas"). In the very end, he completely understands what it means to be a Judas, because of what he had done.

And Pilate is the last one to try by all means to escape his destiny. He's seen it in his dream, but he refuses to follow it. He refuses to sentence Christ, telling the crowd that he's a crazy man but that's not a crime, trying to convince them that it's against their best interest to ally with Rome, and begs Christ to let him help him get saved ("why do you not speak when I hold your life in my hands? How can you stay quiet? I don't believe you understand!") but of course, the post-Gethsemane Jesus already has accepted that they're doomed, and he's the one to tell Pilate ("you have nothing in your hands, any power you have comes to you from far beyond. Everything is fixed, and you can't change it."). The realization is dawning on Pilate as he desperately continues trying to cling to his ability to take meaningful choices, literally begging Christ to let him take that decision ("you're a fool Jesus Christ, how can I help you?") but with the crowd's shouts for crucifixion, and the crowd circling him and pushing him against the wall, he really does realize it: he has no choice; he will have to play his part in the story. And he knows how it will end, he knows what his role will mean, he also knows what it means to be Pilate ("then I saw thousands of millions crying for this man, and then I heard them mentioning my name and giving me the blame"). The only thing he can do is remove himself from it, but even then he is aware that that won't stop the already-fixed history ("I wash my hands from your demolition. Die if you want to, you innocent puppet").

After all, we saw it from the very first scene. Isn't this what the story's framing means? The overture shows the actors arriving to the filming set by bus and getting ready to play their role. And, at the end of the film, they pack and leave. They came here to recite a script that someone else wrote, to fulfil a story where everything is fixed, and they can't change it. That was what they were made for. Innocent puppets.

[thatsodapopgirl]

Some basic backstory of my Bill Created Alastor Au (I’m gonna be honest I might add or change stuff if I ever decide to write a fic)

Origins

Bill had become frustrated with humans for continuing to disappoint him. He thought to himself, If angels were the supposed ‘perfect’ beings, why did they create such fragile and at times dull creatures? I bet I could create a way better human! And he decided to go through with it and make the perfect obedient human tool; an anchor for access to different realities. Or so he thought.

He used the same ingredients such as the dust to create his human just with added modifications such giving them dark magical abilities.

For Alastor it started as worship because Bill was his creator and was considered Bill’s favorite. But after gaining knowledge and growing into his own person throughout the years, Alastor began to understand that he was merely a pawn in Bill’s game. It was until the 1920’s that Alastor began to question Bill and his own existence. Alastor had fallen for the radio and was able to convince Bill that with his radio show, he would be able to spread Bill’s influence. However, as he began to live life as an independent human, he began to do things for himself now. He didn’t randomly kill humans, he killed humans he deemed were deserving for their evil actions and he became focused on other topics to talk about besides Bill on his broadcasts. Bill saw this as the first act of defiance in Alastor and had to ‘fix’ him. But despite the torture and threats of death, Alastor continued doing what he thought was best for himself and his audience.

So Bill took another page from heaven, he sent his human to hell. This again backfired, hell in a way was similar to the Nightmare realm except there was no controlling triangle breathing down your neck, it was freedom. So when he had no choice but to leave because of Bill’s plan for Gravity Falls, Alastor had grown to resent his creator, his god, his father.

Bill’s View of the Angels

As we all know, Bill Cipher is a being of pure chaos and causing havoc wherever he goes. Basically he’s everything Heaven doesn’t stand for. Bill also sees the angels as stuffy snobs who think they’re better than everyone else. So he never really had much interest to ever engage with them, until he heard about the Eden incident and evil was released into earth. It was the most hilarious thing Bill ever heard and to know it was one of their own that had a part in it was even sweeter. It was also an opportunity to finally be able to go into the dimension where earth was and to conquer it.

While on earth, Bill began to notice that most of his schemes and atrocities he committed were all being blamed on this one particular angel, Lucifer. Honestly, it pissed the dream demon off that this guy was basically stealing all his street cred. So when he decided to check this hell for himself, he would say it was pretty impressive. It was fun to watch all these humans turned demons still continue to cause pain and misery even in death. And then he met the big cheese in charge; apparently he heard that Bill managed to sneak into hell and was disrupting order in the other rings. If he had just stayed in the pride ring, Bill probably wouldn’t have been found out early on because the pride ring was already chaotic.

Lucifer knew of the stories of Bill Cipher's terror and it was only a matter of time until he plunged all of hell into its own destruction. He may not like the sinners, but the hellborn didn’t deserve to lose their world and he had to protect his family. He was able to fight Bill off and create barriers to keep the triangle at bay and to never set foot in hell ever again.

When Bill found out Alastor was dating an angel he felt sick, but when he found it was Lucifer of all people, he lost another bit of his remaining sanity.

Bill and Alastor Relationship

Bill at the beginning only saw Alastor as a pet/puppet. He still even refers to Alastor as one, but deep deep deep deeeeep down he started to care about the human he created (he will deny this however). Out of everyone, Alastor was the only one Bill felt comfortable talking about Euclydia and his family. He was given the same story like everybody else that he liberated his universe, but there were times he was vulnerable enough to give Alastor bits and pieces of the actual truth. The best Alastor could conclude was that Bill must have started with good intentions in trying to reveal the third dimension to his people, but something went terribly wrong and that’s the most information he could get because Bill would black out and not remember.

As Alastor’s powers grew, Bill had made him his right hand man. Alastor would be Bill’s eyes and ears whenever Bill would send him somewhere and be a spy. However, he felt like he was losing Alastor’s loyalty bit by bit because of the influence of humans, so he decided to send him to hell. To Bill, sending Alastor to hell was like sending your kid to summer camp; however to Alastor it felt like abandonment. Still, Bill assumed once he took over earth, he’d do the same with hell and give it to Alastor as a gift.

Alastor and Pine’s Family

Alastor had met Ford first when he was ordered by Bill to hunt him down. This would be Alastor’s first act of defiance, yes he hunted and tormented Ford throughout the years (he loved the twisted cat and mouse game) but when he was actually close to capturing Ford, he’d let him escape at the last second. Bill was none the wiser because he still believed in Alastor’s loyalty despite the attitude he came back with. Ford eventually developed insomnia because of the nightmares of the Radio Demon and wherever he went, the demon would always find him. So learning his family was friends with the monster who haunted his dreams was a horrific discovery.

After spending three years tormenting Stanford Pines, Alastor spent the last four years living in Gravity Falls. His mission this time was to make sure all pieces on the chessboard would fall into place for Stanley Pines to open the portal again to get Ford back. But in true Alastor fashion, he took his time and decided to have a bit of fun while he was there. If he was going to spend however long in such a small town, might as well give the townsfolk the proper medium of entertainment.

As Alastor stationed a new radio studio in Gravity Falls, this would lead him to making a partnership with Stan Pines and talk about the Mystery Shack during his radio show.

The Pine twins were also to win over, Mabel was already a fan of his radio show, especially his romance segment and Dipper was someone who craved acknowledgement. So when Alastor told the boy about his newest segment of the supernatural and wanting to know about the child’s adventures, it was easy.

Despite using them, Alastor couldn’t help but grow a bit attached to the Pines for they were a colorful bunch. When Weirdmageddon happened and everything was revealed, it wasn’t pretty.

Hazbin Hotel and Alastor’s relationship with Lucifer

Pretty much the same happens in the show. Except with Alastor keeping his secret identity. He could have revealed himself and what he was when he was sent to hell, but he didn’t know how the outcome would have been. The sinners and other overlords weren’t much of a problem, but there was still the hierarchy of hell and despite him being powerful, so was Bill but he had been banished or at least prohibited from entering hell. So if all of hell knew he was the creation of the dream demon, he’d most likely be a target for everyone. And it didn’t help that the king of hell was already beginning to feel suspicious of him. So Alastor decided to turn up the charm and get into the king’s good graces. Since the beginning of Alastor’s existence, he was taught how to recognize and manipulate one’s feelings. He could tell Lucifer still yearned for affection and companionship.

It wasn’t easy, the two would constantly argue but after finding things in common and Alastor suddenly being sweet; Lucifer began to fall for Alastor. And Alastor caught the fallen angel into his web, what he didn’t expect was to fall for him too.

Unfortunately, his secret was discovered for the last seven years he was involved in Weirdmaggedon. Lucifer had known about Bill Cipher especially his time as Angel in heaven, and he wasted no time shielding hell. So learning that Alastor was created by him was devastating and angry. He felt so lied to and having Charlie be so close to danger was enough for him to kick Alastor out of the hotel. Both were heartbroken, Lucifer despite his anger still had feelings towards Alastor and Alastor had never felt such affection for anyone.

And since Lucifer wanted no trace of Bill in hell, it was best he left hell entirely. Besides, he’s been dealing with Bill telepathically wanting him to return back to earth.

Bill and Alastor now

Since Alastor is an anchor, Bill is able to return to earth but not physically for he’s still trapped in the Theraprism. They’re all they have left now since both lost everything. For Alastor, it seems strange because now he’s the one taking care of his creator because Bill is slowly losing his mind, but still wants to try again.

Unknown to them, Ford has discovered they are both back and decided to hunt them down. Not just Ford, but also Lucifer and the rest of the residents at the hotel. Lucifer decided he would be the one to bring Alastor back to hell, (he kicked him out of the hotel but not hell) and he wanted to apologize for his overreaction.

I wrote this while still brainstorming ideas and plots for my au. Cause I plan to do one shot comics or maybe mini comics. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to write a fanfiction of it though since I still need to finish some other stuff.

[syruubi]

Man its been weeks and I’m still soured by the conclusion to Fontaine’s main story. I'll just rant here

There were a lot of things I didn’t like about it (Arlecchino's altruism being played straight, Traveler being out of character, the lore exposition ass-pull with the prophecy slates, the weird logic about how destroying a Gnosis could potentially wake up the Heavenly Principles but not fucking destroying an Archon Throne when Celestia forced everyone to fight a GODDAMN WAR TO ESTABLISH THEM-) but the biggest offense to me was how Furina was handled. This was marketed as the grand finale of the arc, the climax with Furina at the center of it all. And she got shafted. Big time. Furina had no agency in the plot whatsoever, nothing she did had any effect on how things turned out, and she didn’t even have the dignity of fully understanding why it all had to happen that way.

(Also I will preface this with yes Furina and Focalors are technically the same person with the same origin, but after the split Furina lost all her memories as Focalors. They are two separate consciousnesses with different experiences, and therefore I will treat their individual choices as their own)

I’ve seen people try to argue that no, she chose to take on this role knowing she would suffer, that she didn't HAVE to go along with it. And she was even working by herself to solve the prophecy without relying on Focalors, she wasn’t a puppet/pawn! But the thing is she was essentially in a hostage situation. If she didn’t do things exactly as dictated by Focalors people would DIE. Like there is a reason why criminal punishments are lighter when it’s found the perpetrator was coerced into it! And her researching how to avoid the prophecy changed nothing about the outcome, she could have sat around eating cake and the story would have word for word turned out exactly the same. All that information served to do was highlight her suffering and draw the audience’s sympathy. That's what I mean about her not having agency, it's not about her ability to act as an individual but how her actions had an effect on the overall plot. None of her choices outside of the role designated by Focalors did anything to change the situation for better or worse.

And to top it all off she didn’t even understand WHY this all had to happen. Why do people dissolve in the Primordial water? How does her pretending to be an Archon play into solving the issue? Why can’t she confide in anyone? What the hell is Focalors even doing? She doesn’t learn the answers to any of these until after everything was over, and not even from Focalors’ own mouth, it was relayed to her by Neuvillette.

Speaking of Neuvillette, I’m not gonna lie I’m sorta annoyed at his existence because it felt like Furina was shafted for him. Everything is very tilted in Neuvillette's favor. He gets his powers back, full control over Pneuma/Ousia, final say in trials, the ability to hand out Visions, and just straight up the ability to manipulate life itself. And okay all these things were his to begin with lore-wise, whatever, but he also becomes the "lore important" character after this at Furina's expense. Furina doesn't have her memories as Focalors, she can't tell us anything about how the world works, about Celestia, about what happened 500 years ago. Even though other Archons didn't give us much either for one reason or another, they at least HAVE that knowledge, and are therefore guaranteed to have involvement in future events with the Abyss and Celestia. Furina at the moment, doesn't. Neuvillette has it now. And all that talk about Focalors judging Celestia? Also Neuvillette's job now. And it feels like it was all stolen from Furina from a story-telling perspective because again, she didn't know of the plan to return his powers. She didn't even get to explicitly agree with her other self that he should have them back. The writers really seemed to go out of their way to place him on a pedestal at Furina's expense, which irks the hell out of me.

There are some opportunity for future interludes to turn the current state around, and they probably will since Furina is still being marketed as an Archon, but as it stands I want Fontaine to be over so we can move on to the next disappointment.

[dangopango00]

ELIO INSANE PERSON RAMBLINGS AFTER DISSECTING SEEING THE LEAK

Pt. 1 because I have more to say somehow erm.

Theres basically no content for him but hes sosooo cuteeeeee

Context: In my head he is a fly he has compound eyes like the fly loswr he is

CW: Leaks maybe spoilers??

[ Design/Symbolism (IMG A)

OK FIRST OBSERVE FLY EYES; Theyre compound and have millions of ‘bubbles’ in them. So in my head on elio would represent the different “bubble universes” or rather the millions of possibilities that although generally the same, slightly differ with different choices and outcomes

ELIO IS ALSO AKSHUALLY THE FLY ON THE WALL that phrase represents him really well considering although hes the leader hes the one in the limelight the least out of everyone and just gathers info while making plans. Flies are also considered filthy and sly and bottom feeders n pests and as a stellaron hunter he gets the same treatment as well

[ Function (IMG B)

But besides the appearance the actual function: This is pretty good symbolism for what he sees bc not only does he see a wider range of possibilities than the average person but he can also notice even the slightest movements which is ofc the slightest changes in a scenario that makes the outcome completely different and about flies being able to see things at a quicker pace; I heard that when u swat at a fly they see it in like slow motion and this is pretty symbolic of elio since he sees FARRR into the future wayyy before its even close to coming to fruition

[ Theories (IMG C)

A silly lil hc theory i have bc of this fact and because his alias is “Destiny’s Slave” is that he cant rlly control seeing the future much kind of like a premonition..????? Idk but i like to play with how herta calls all the stellaron hunters lunatics and him a maniac bc like. Its a little true. Theyre all a lil bit cray cray from what weve seen but theres method to their madness so im like hm well elio must have his quirks SO seeing the future so often without wanting to has him a little bit (crazy person hand gesture) so i imagine its a little overwhelming when he suddenly gets a “premonition” like when he suddenly sees the future its a bunch of scattered possibilities filling his mind but when he focuses on it they can converge to create a “perfect reality” where everything goes the best way possible

Also theres so many different “paths” the future holds like it could be the future for that day or the fate of the world or even the fate of the universe so i imagine he was either made/given this power specifically to puppeteer this specific outcome or “story” but its a little draining to think of the big picture constantly or think about things the bigger they are which is why he makes scripts day by day or week by week (????)

I also think he gets like reminders kinda like little flashes into some specific aspects that although he has seen hasnt really focused on or been able to think of bc theyr pretty far ahead and his head is already full so it being so overwhelming, just slipped his mind to kind of create a whole “chain of events” URGGHHH THIS IS SO HARD I CANT TELL IF HES OMNIPOTENT OR LEARNING ALONG THE WAY

I also found it interesting that he told kafka that she and stelle would “change each other” it heavily suggests that maybe he can force the thought of specific scenarios OR MAYBE in his “perfect reality” he has an already decided script which he doesnt deviate from so he already knows what to say. Otherwise how would he know how vague or how exact to be about what he tells people

In the alt ending in the credits hes listed as screenplay director and the screenplay directors are the ones pulling the strings yeah but as another character in the story or “movie” that means he knows exactly what his part is too and is therefore another puppet to be controlled OU LET ME COOK 👩‍🍳🍔🔥

[ganondoodle]

so, i have thought more about what we now know about botw2 and honestly, setting aside the smaller things i am not a fan of (like the building aspect) my biggest gripes about it are the plot looking like its gonna be very generic, especially regarding ganondorf, while i hoped it would perhaps finally give us a little more interesting take instead good vs evil; and the oh so mysterious figure you see in in the trailer very likely to be hylia, since shes mentioned constantly in the first game (among other things like her design being pretty much a carbon copy of zelda for the most boring reasons imaginable)

and no its not just bc of my stupid little fanworks (that i do bc i love the franchise, as much as i am critical of it, it comes from being very passionate about it, hence me working my fan lore around the canon so it doesnt disturb it much, its more meant to expand it on parts i think are a little lacking without me trying to sound superior, literally just as an act of love (and a little spite ill admit that) to add something to it)- BUT bc i have little hope they would do anything more than just going full blown "this monstrous beast is pure inherently evil, and this is the pure inherently good white little girl goddess whos just protecting her god given perfect and unshakable good tm monarchy" with no little to no nuance (theres also alot more to be critical of the general structure and implications like racism, orientalism, nationalism, that while i can see alot of wrong or questionable things in the games i lack the eloquence to talk about in its full range) yes i am personally biased bc i just .. hate that kind of story/worldbuilding structure, but i dont think im the only one who would think of it as boring and .. disappointing?

i dont need ganondorf to be redeemed, i dont need him to be the good himbo bf that some people think all ganondorf stans want, i just want him to be more than to shout "i will conquor this kingdom bc i am evil and want it" and send a horde of monsters after you, at the very least id want the game to just aknowledge that there must be a reason for it, why it turned out like this

the zelda series and its world has so much potential, which is probably a reason for its popularity in fanworks, but also keeps not using it, no i dont expect a company like nintendo to deliver on all my hopes, of course not, im not that delusional, but the further i think and learn about this universe and concepts they created i find myself asking "why" more and more where the games never elaborate, never question

i like a clear structure, i like when your choices dont have a big or any impact on the story bc i want to live the story, not worry about every decision like i already do every second of my life IRL, i want to partake in a movie, in a theater piece i can influence the pace of but not change the outcome, yet i feel kind of ... ignored? let down? asking why and how, how do they know this is right and this is wrong, how do they keep enacting this seeing it never works out, keep saying defeat this evil, but evil yet returns stronger than before over and over, how do they never ask "is this the right way?", they say "we need to kill it more next time"

i know they are fictional little characters made up to sell a game, with a convevient plot point to ever repeat the same structure, but it cant be wrong to say "i love this world, i want to see and know more, i want to see it grow and change, break the cycle and be better, show me characters not puppets"

theres very surely nuances and ideas i am sorely missing bc i lack the knowledge of japanese as a language, culture, and mythology, but i dont think it invalidates all that i feel for it ..

.. right?

[nanomooselet]

Episode Seven: Wolfwood

It's a lovely evening in No Man's Land, and you are a horrible cultist.

The more I think about the idea that Legato wasn't ordered to do this, the more sense it makes to me. Let's do a count of assets this craziness puts into peril. We have the Punisher, highly chemically compatible and on an assignment already, who really doesn't need to be under more stress. We have the Doublefang, who's even better than the Punisher since he heals without the drugs, and through him Wolfwood learns that the Eye of Michael can't be trusted to keep its word.

We have the Plant aboard the steamer, as Zazie points out, and I'm not sure Legato is as concerned about it as he claims to be. We have the steamer itself, a relic of the spacefaring age with plenty of still-functional technology on board even if the humans can't do much with it. (And isn't that interesting? They seem to have just stuck a steam engine in there and closed off the rest. Cool worldbuilding details.) It travels to and from July - I suspect it carries at least some cargo and personnel for the cult. Speaking of, we have Hopeland Orphanage and its stock of potential subjects, which we know for a fact the Eye has its stamp on.

Finally we have Vash, who's one of the cult's figures of worship. He's the only living thing that Legato's "beautiful angel" truly cares about. Even if Legato's plan is a success, is achieving Wolfwood's perfect loyalty worth losing any one of the rest, let alone Vash? I really have to wonder how Legato planned to explain any of this.

Of course, he does explain, doesn't he? You must give up on your little brother and face reality. I must take everything you love from you so that you can fulfil your noble purpose as a weapon. What we're seeing is Legato's first demonstration of his character to come, building sadistic traps to force painful choices upon his target, but also a glimpse of what awaits Vash at the end of his journey. Where could Legato have learned his definition of love? And let's not forget that he refers to his feelings as love in the first place.

He's such a drama queen. Can't wait to see him ruining everything next season.

So much in this two-parter is amazing, but I think a somewhat underrated moment is Vash preventing Wolfwood from killing Livio with that insane trick shot. My boy frees Wolfwood from a horrific mental trap because no one should have to choose between the things that they love, the things that keep them alive. Best of boys. Precious darling. He wants so, so badly for there to be a way out for him.

I'm hesitant to discuss Livio that much, because we, uh, really don't learn that much about him? We see the sad little boy in Nick's memories - which I have reason to suspect are not entirely the objective truth - and we have the stumbling puppet who boards the steamer. He isn't in a position to make his thoughts known, except once, and, well… it’s a decisive demonstration. But one that precludes any further participation. I have read the manga, yes, and I know what he's like there, but my feeling is that's more what he'll become than what he is now. There seems to be one fairly significant change, however: Razlo, and Livio's attitude toward him.

Razlo's there. I'm sure he's there. But is he always there in the same way? Is Livio so out of it because he's under the mask's control, or is it Razlo the mask keeps supressed? And when it becomes damaged, why does what Livio see in the mirror so horrify him? Does Livio even know who else is in his mind?

(We get our first glimpse of Chapel, too.)

(Somehow I feel like I'm not going to be a fan of this guy.)

They didn't save Livio, but he got to make a choice. Even if it was a choice they wish he hadn't made.

Speaking of choices!

Meryl and Roberto continue to be the show's main source of comedy - the dub work for the Bad Lads Gang is so funny. Poor Meryl's teary little face when they bring up the Worms. Them being all excited about getting on the cover of an outlaw magazine, whatever that is. Roberto just being all welp, this might as well happen when he learns the faltering steamer has a space age cannon stuck to the top and that still works.

Not enough booze in the world.

And then Meryl makes a choice. Roberto's right, on some level - they're not soldiers. They're not fighters. By any sane standard this is not their fucking job. But there is no one else who can do it. Regardless of ability, there's simply no one else who's been given the choice between standing there, taking the risk, or fleeing with the knowledge you could have done something and didn't. So Meryl makes her stand... and I realised that Roberto does too, because he faces the same choice. They all do! There's something they all want to protect more than anything else. Such different people with such vastly different skills and life experiences all have something in common, and they work together to realise their purpose. It's the second time in the series this has happened and disaster's been averted with their efforts. I just!

Of course then things get even crazier and we move into what might be among my favourite action sequences in the entire series? It's admittedly hard to narrow it down. This has been extensively dissected elsewhere, but it really might have the most beautiful cinematography (especially in the Plant room - ethereal, and then the hard cut comparison to the steel and scorching flesh of Wolfwood's efforts and I'm reduced to helpless arm-waving). But I think there's one detail I want to emphasise?

Cool watery blue and burning fiery orange-red, yes. Gorgeous contrast. But both also have just a dash of the opposing colours. The two aren't so far apart, each holding part of the other - fundamentally connected, in spite of all the ways they're different.

[realmofvoxtv]

Final Villain? (In Voice and Visuals)

I'm working on an au where Alastor did join the Vees (which is called In Voice and Visuals). Originally I was going to piece together what I think is happening in the show. But I decided "This is an AU, why not change more stuff while I'm at it".

So, with that said. There are going to be numerous polls to give me some ideas of what some people would like as this au's plot.

So, here's one poll! (With details, and ideas for each choice).

Ideas for each final villain/final conflict.

Lilith

If Lilith is the final villain, I imagine that she would be the final person pulling many strings. Including deals that she has in both heaven and hell.

Perhaps she could be written as someone who once wished and fought for her people. Only to realize it was useless, unless she used her very own people (sinners) as pawns to win this conflict against heaven. Roo would not exist in this option.

Perhaps in this route. It would be heaven desperate for help. Which Charlie and the sinners she has managed to lead could help fight against Lilith, or remind her who she was.

2. Lilith and Roo

With this option. I could see Roo being the person pulling all the strings. Meanwhile, maybe Lilith was trapped in a deal. Perhaps her powers of singing and empowering the sinners of hell was the result of her selling her soul to Roo.

Only for Roo to use her ownership of Lilith's soul to force Lilith to empower the worst sinners that hell as to offer. Perhaps with Roo owning Lilith's soul, she could threaten Lilith with the idea of forcing her to kill her own daughter.

Perhaps, in this au and with this choice. That explains why Lilith is in heaven? Perhaps with Lilith's soul being owned by Roo, she sees what Lilith sees.

3. Eve

If Eve was the final villain, I could imagine this being due to the role forced upon her. I imagine she would have grudges against BOTH heaven and hell.

Heaven, because its rulers and angels created humans. Only for the first two humans created, to already have problems surface. But did heaven stop to question how their creations were fairing? No. Instead they replaced Lilith with Eve... and subjected her to the same first man, Adam.

Only for Eve to be offered a choice... Something she never had, by Lucifer and Lilith. Only for that choice to cause both her and Adam to be exiled from Heaven. And subjected to life on Earth. Only for Eve to die and find herself in hell.

There would be no Roo in this option. Perhaps the final conflict with Eve would be her using all the puppets/souls she's amassed to start some war with Heaven. Perhaps Heaven leaders like Sera would have no choice but to team up with hell and its sinners.

4. Eve and Roo

Roo would be the one pulling all the strings. However, I imagine with Eve's past. Eve would not be against plots that target either hell and/or hell. Perhaps they also intended to trap and use Lilith's power to empower sinners. Which would serve their purpose of strengthening their future pawns against their planned war against heaven.

Perhaps Eve's wants from her deal with Roo, was the fall of not only Heaven but Lucifer and Lilith too. Perhaps due to Lilith's active leadership they went after her first. Perhaps leaving Lucifer alone for years due to him being inactive.

Given Eve's motives. I imagine Charlie would have to reflect on the mistakes of heaven AND her parents. Perhaps offering Eve a safe place in her hotel? (With an added conflict being Eve's deal with Roo).

5. Roo

If Roo was the sole final villain. I believe it's possible that she has a foe in heaven. Who is essentially her light to her dark.

(Scene from the 1st episode).

With that said, perhaps Roo goal is to snuff out the root of good. And maybe their foe's goal is to snuff out the root of bad/evil. I imagine given the hotel's theme of redemption. Perhaps the solution would be in the vein in that both good and bad must exist. As humans aren't perfect and usually aren't pure evil. Perhaps this being was split by heaven into two. With Roo being exiled into hell?

Just ideas for stories.

6. Lucifer

I imagine that if Lucifer was the final villain. It would be due to his past with Heaven and Sera in particular. Perhaps constantly being undermined led to him relating to Lilith. The first woman.

Which led to him being even more enraged. All this time, Heaven had denied his ideas and dreams. Only for Heaven to ignore the possibility of their creations, Lilith, wanting the freedom of choice.

With that Lucifer began to comfort Lilith more. With Lilith in time, making it clear that she would no longer follow Adam's orders.

Only for heaven to recreate the same old problem. Another woman subjected to Adam. Lucifer had enough. As a seraphim, Lucifer knew Heaven like his right hand. He gifted the young Eve with the gift of the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Only for heaven to exile him and Lilith. Originally Lucifer was happy with his family. That was until Charlie began to dream about changing hell and HEAVEN. The divide was created between Lucifer and his family.

Now he's an entirely different man to Charlie and Lilith. He alone discusses matter with Heaven. And Lucifer's realm and his people, his sinners are his and his alone.

I imagine if Lucifer was the final villain, the conflict would be centered around Lucifer's past with Heaven. His refusal to believe that HEAVEN can change. Perhaps seeing someone like Emily could help change his mind.

I imagine this would occur after a meeting and some conflicts with heaven. Which Charlie and the hotel would have to face ALONE.

[theneighborhoodwatch]

Hi! Gonna start off and say that I love the work you're doing with the Welcome Home neocities website! It's perfectly stylized for the project/puppet show and I can see the work you're putting into it.

I'd love to learn how to make my own neocities website (for fun? For a personal project??), so I was wondering if you could provide some tips and/or pointers for a first-timer.

Thank you!

HAHA well first of all i'm flattered that someone would think i'm skilled enough to be giving pointers in the first place. i still consider myself a novice when it comes to web design (for example, if you're wondering why every page on welcome to welcome home has its own CSS, it's because CSS is Way harder for me to wrap my head around than HTML) so i can't give any Super advanced tips, but i can at least write about what's helped me so far:

GUIDES. neocities has its own tutorial and list of HTML/CSS resources, but user-made guides are your best friend when it comes to figuring out where to go from there. a.n. lucas and pauli kohberger both have really good guides for beginners, but for the more advanced stuff, i found myself referencing the resources on solaria's webspace and sadgrl.online the most. w3schools is also very helpful when it comes to answering more specific questions like "how do i use two different fonts on the same page?" (and probably more.) if all else fails, then usually just googling "how to (x) in HTML" or "how to (x) in CSS" will yield at least one useful result. for making your website more accessible, there's the accessible net directory and this masterpost by foxpunk on tumblr.

it sounds obvious, but it helps to have a solid idea of what kind of site you want to build before you actually dive in, and then snoop around on neocities to get an idea of how other users approach the same topic. for example, i got the idea to start a welcome home wiki on neocities after being reminded of the 8:11 wiki on the same site, and then i spent a couple days just looking up stuff like "wiki" or "fansite" on neocities and then clicking on any page that caught my attention to study it.

layouts! there's no shame in using a premade one, and you can even learn more about HTML/CSS in real time just by messing around with the base code before implementing any intentional changes. sadgrl.online's layout builder is a VERY popular choice, since you can already do a lot with the basic options it offers and it's easy to further customize once you have it set up on your page; it's what i used to make welcome to welcome home. sadgrl.online's webmaster links also feature a bunch of other options under the "layouts" tag, and if none of those work for you, then you can even find something just by looking up template/templates/layout/layouts/HTML/CSS on neocities itself.

side note: if you're reading this and you want to make a wiki then you can also use this wikitable code. it came out after i had already established the Look of welcome to welcome home, so i probably won't implement it any time soon, but i TOTALLY WOULD HAVE if it was around when i first set the site up.

you can scale images up or down using percentage, with 100% being the image's default size. i don't know how helpful or acceptable that is, but i use it a lot.

don't feel pressured to get everything done at once, even if you expect people to be visiting your site frequently. usually if you just slap on an "under construction" gif or even just write "hey this site is still under construction" then people will understand. i don't think i've ever seen anyone get super huffy about slow updates on neocities, anyway.

EDIT: OH. GRAPHICS. i mention all of these on welcome to welcome home's front page but i Also wanted to note them here: betty's graphics and websets by lynn both have HUGE collections of background tiles and other graphics that work especially well if you're going for that old web charm. i also like to use this mirror of patterncooler for backgrounds bc of the customization options. you can also make your own background tile and then use a seamless tile maker like this if all else fails.

EDIT 2: ALSO. obviously. do not be like me and use discord or any other chat client as a filehost, no matter how promising it looks, because one day you WILL get a very nasty surprise when the request signature on those urls expire and the images are no longer accessible on other sites. there are a myriad of other filehosts out there, but personally i recommend file garden (and also donating to file garden if you can, even if only for a couple months. i know i said that just yesterday, but if it gets more folks to subscribe then i'm gonna keep saying it.)

[emptymanuscript]

For some reason Youtube is making it difficult for me to share my comfort video :/ so... I'll try this way.

Because, quite honestly, the first 10 minutes or so of this was what I kind of desperately needed after last night. She is so damn right it hurts in a good healing-a-wound way.

Because, yeah, full depressive anxiety response, check. And, yeah, both Biden and Trump could literally drop dead simultaneously and have their people puppet them around the next 4 years like it’s Weekend at Bernie’s AND Biden would still be the better candidate.

And, yes, he really did have a bad night. BUT one bad night is not the end of the world. And it was only a bad night if you ignore the content of what was said in favor of the expected appearance.

This isn’t a horse race between two horses that we’re judging based on their physical fitness. This is a political decision about whether you want democracy or not represented in the governing political positions of the two representative leaders. Biden being Pro Liberal Democracy, with all its benefits and flaws.Trump being Pro Right Wing Authoritarinism, with all its benefits and flaws. Neither is all good or all bad. They each have advantages and disadvantages depending on your point of view. Yes, Right Wing Authoritarianism does have distinct advantages, it’s simply the question of whether it is worth the trade off. Same way that Democracy has distinct disadvantages and the question is whether it is worth it.

So, yeah, which do you want?

Do I wish Democracy had sounded more appealing last night? Yes. Does it make me wish we had a more ideal world. Yes but I want that anyway, regardless of last night. I’d rather not have my pro-democracy choice come with as much willingness to throw Palestine under the bus and support for Netanyahu’s regime, even understanding the political context of the stance. I don’t get that choice. The only move I’m given in our election “game” is how I vote based on the choices I’m given. So, yeah, I have to take the bad with the good and the better. Does anything from last night change my position on the actual choices at hand?

No. Again, if the choice was between anything to the left of the democracy/republic divide versus Trump, I would vote for anything. Even a literal pile of shit. Quite honestly, if it had somehow come down to Chris Christie or Mitt Romney or several other Republicans versus Trump I would have voted for them in spite of disagreeing with them on nearly everything and thinking they’re pieces of shit, at least they are Pro-Democracy and value election results. So, it could be worse.

It just makes me feel like I don’t know how to use last night to my advantage at the same time as I see a thousand ways to use it against Biden. Which gives me a pure shot of fear inducing, doom & gloom, catastrophization.

Which is an emotional mind response. Sigh. So... it’s just getting out of that. Ignoring the allure of logical mind’s bullshit that will explain whatever answer I want it to. And picking wise mind back up. Ugh. Mental health is difficult. Bleh.

I don’t actually know why I find ECM (Elizabeth Cronise Mclaughlin) so comforting. She speaks “my language” I guess. But I really am watching her for comfort at this point. So... if you find “buck up soldier, it’s not that bad. All we gotta do is fight harder and smarter” comforting, I recommend her.

Though I'm also not sure she isn't right that I may need to simply disengage for my health. But that is REALLY hard. For all the same reasons. It FEELS (pesky emotional mind) like turning my back on the face eating leopard.

[starry-blue-echoes]

So i was thinking about the josuke early bird au where josuke is fully raised by dio and is in a kinda denile that they are bad guys

And so you have okuyasu and josuke who are fully in denile about being the bad guys

Keicho who knows that are the bad guy and does care

And koichi who knows that are bad guys and cares so much but he cant get though to anyone or do anything with out putting himself at risk so he gives up trying.

This changes when the crusaders (now much older and ig Joseph wouldn’t be there) try to stop dio. Lets say pol and kak have defected at this point to join jotaro but its much more complicated and traumatic for them becuase they have been flesh blood slaves to dio for over a decade.

Koichi takes a chance to escape and does it joining the crusaders side. And this cause josuke to completely spiral becuase he feel betrayed by koichi and doesnt instand why he would do this. His denile mask starts to crack a bit. Josuke is struggling becuase he loves and values his friends like family and would of gone against dio orders to protect them. But now with koichi on the other side and his feeling of betrayal he doesnt quit know what to do.

Koichi is trying to reason with josuke every opportunity he gets to various different degree of failure and success

Okuyasu is in the same boat as josuke with being hurt and confused but keicho knows exactly why koichi did it and is pissed becuase he think koichi is compromising all of them because he doesnt believe the crusaders could possibly defeat dio

OOOOOOOOO Y E S S S S S S S

What if Koichi was sent out to fight the Crusaders in an attempt from Dio to get Koichi more on his side. He knew the young boy had always had mixed feels of apprehension towards him because of his role in Echoes’s manifestation, so he decided to try and use this as a way to make it clear to Koichi that he was the safer alternative. His first idea was probably to fleshbud Koichi, but that wouldn’t go well at ALL with the other kids and was off the table

And honestly, the whiplash he gets when he sees Polnareff and Kakyoin again. They might have some memories of Koichi, depending on how much the buds messed with their memories, but to Koichi he’s having to fight two people who had been there since his childhood. Seeing them act so differently hurts so, so much because these weren’t the people he knew, those people were fake twisted puppets controlled by Dio, these people were real and for over a decade they were mind controlled and he couldn’t help them

There’s also going to be some terror when he looses the fight. Dio doesn’t take failure lightly, and being close with Josuke is only going to protect him so much. Koichi might have a breakdown here honestly. He doesn’t want to fight, he’s never wanted to fight. He just wants to live safely with his brother and Josuke and Okuyasu and Keicho. It’s all he’s ever wanted.

And it’s in this moment that the Crusaders see him. They notice all the little details, the light scars in his skin, the abnormal muscle mass, the way his fighting had been so natural and experienced, and finally they see who and what he truly is.

A small, terrified child who’s never had a choice other than to fight

At first they’d probably try to send him somewhere safe, presumably to a Speedwagon Foundation facility, but then they very quickly learn that a) there are three other kids who’d been raised alongside him, and b) Koichi has made it VERY clear that as terrified as he is of going back he’s sure as hell not leaving them behind

So now they have a new member of the team with a weird Stand and fuck ton of baggage

[milgramimaginesblog]

I saw a really cool thread on twitter about how in Muu's latest MV, in her 'fantasy' she's the tallest in the hive because she has control, whereas in rl Muu is the shortest in her friend group ⎯ meaning she's the one with least control. 🤔 AND IT MAKES SENSE!!! cos in her 'fantasy', when she's in charge she is more confident(?) when going against others but then in her rl version she's more cowardly ⎯ like from her 1st trial we see how Muu handles confrontation, via her confronting her victim (iirc she cries and goes frantic.)

And just saying this now, but I'm not trying to like...make it seem like I think she's innocent?? COS THATS NOT THE CASE . I def think she's guilty, but it's so interesting to me how ... her whole murder case plays out?? Like in the 1st trial we all thought she was innocent and was just getting revenge on the person who bullied her or instigated the bullying (which ig happened?? but there was details left out at the time that we didn't know about) AND SO FINDING OUT.. MORE ON WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED ??? IS JUST INSANE, CRAZY AND HONESTLY JUST BAFFLING?? Spoilers for Muu's 2nd voice drama!! vv

But what really ig shocked me the most was her voice drama... How she was SO adamant on being innocent and how we'd be terrible if we change our minds about our verdicts on her. LIKE DONT GET ME WRONG I KINDA SUSPECTED THE PRISONERS WLD BE UPSET IF WE CHANGE OUT MINDS ABT THEM... BUT MUU?? I thought she'd be the same as yuno??? Like hardly changed but ... man i honestly don't know.

AND OH DON'T GET ME STARTED . ON HER AND HARUKA ... they.. make me sick /hj i fucking love the change in MILGRAM and how these two got paired up and formed a little team, but also HATE HOW . HOW ONE SIDED (?) IT IS????? Muu being the one in control, like she wanted and had always seen herself as, and Haruka being the puppet... used, but given attention to... lord LORD . ITS SO SICK HOW HARUKA WAS ALSO THREATENING TO OFF HIMSELF FOR MUU AND HER BEING LIKE "It's his choice and as a friend why should I stop him from doing what he wants?" LOVE MILGRAM HATE MILGRAM GODDD!!!!!!

Is it .. weird to see both her and Haruka be voted guilty this time around..?? Haruka honestly I was unsure abt,, but after thinking it through, I do believe he needs the guilty verdict to tone down his... obsessive issue(?) but also not?? Cos what I'm more concerned about this time around is someone getting hurt by Kotoko again, if she's voted innocent at least.

Lemme know your thoughts tho on some other speculations tho!!!

[kachuuyaa]

May I request a Raiden Shogun! Reader paired with Fyodor? Also does it stick to just personality of the puppet or does it include their fighting style and stuff? I think Fyodor's reaction to a reader who has a similar devastating attack like Musou no Hitotachi/Raiden Boss would be interesting

a/n: i had to rewrite this thrice anyway, you will harbor the personality of raiden ei! no puppet or anything but u still have the plane of euthymia

1 yr link!

RAIDEN SHOGUN!READER X FYODOR

you couldn't have picked a worse time to get out of your Plane of Euthymia. as you stepped out of ancient japan to your Plane, you stepped foot in yokohama, japan. the bustling streets and the tall buildings overwhelmed you, as you figured your way out of the area. your outfit was enough to attract foreign gazes, though when the Special Division for Unusual Powers had caught wind of your presence, they began to monitor you. 

your abilities are what caught them off guard. not that you would tell them you were from 500 years ago, obviously. your energy was overwhelming enough to make them hypothesize that they were dealing with an unusual ability user, although they are not sure if that was the right term to address you by. dazai hypothesized that your case was like chuuya's, a god inside of you, yet you made no move to correct them. let them have their rumors, why don't they ask you outright? were they too scared to? certainly, the people have evolved since ancient japan, you mused. 

the reason why you shut yourself out from japan in its entirety was due to the incident with your sister all those years ago. struck with grief, you created a plane where time does not pass. and, well, you should have known that staying in it forever was pointless. However, the point is, why didn’t you leave as soon as you came in? It could’ve been 30 years, maybe even 50, yet you chose to stay here as the generation from whence you came dissolved into nothingness. Yet you were too prideful, staying there in pursuits you could reach this so-called ‘eternity’ that you wished to achieve. Even then, 500 years ago, you have come to terms that the road to eternity was a long one. Literally, in fact, with your Plane of Euthymia, the abilities that came with you will remain with you forevermore. 

You knew change was inevitable, accustoming yourself to a place incredibly familiar to you yet so foreign at the same time. You knew the soil was different, yet the events that occurred here 500 years ago remained fresh in your mind. Perhaps, with such change, it left you with naivety. As a military general, you should have known that the consequences double each decade, yet here, you had no power. If you were to tell one military higher up that you were a “renowned samurai”, they would have laughed at your face. And so, with your head down low and your pride tarnished, you walk the streets of Yokohama with no goal in mind, just to pursue eternity, just as you told your sister you would do for the both of you. 

You had told yourself 4 years ago that should you ever reach for the closest opportunity to remain eternal, isolating yourself would be the best start. However, you found yourself catering to the requests of the public in the Sky Casino, someplace seemingly appearing out of nowhere, and your curiosity betrayed your morals. Sigma, the manager, welcomed you with open arms and a timid smile on his face, probably due to your overwhelming aura and the condescending look plastered on your face. He realized you rarely smile, and the crackling aura emanating from your body tells him that you are not to be angered. He also was tasked to find information about you, relying on his ability, yet there were no records for you. Perhaps, could you be the same? Did you just spawn after being written in the book?

He reported it to Fyodor, as his members usually do. Fyodor told him to consult you, and, although left with no choice, he accepted. Sigma didn’t know what to do with what you told him. That, or he was in disbelief that you were so open. He remembers you questioning him if he has heard of the “Raiden Shogun”. Of course, he did, he’s heard the preaches and the praises of their work around the casino, and it was no different. Yet when you told him that you were the Raiden Shogun, he laughed in disbelief. Though, when he turned to you, you held a serious expression, asking if you were mocking him for being delirious. He now believes you, as the photos and the drawings of the Shogun he has seen resembled you perfectly. Yet, aren’t you a mortal? Sure, ancient Japan’s strongest weapon is powerful, yet he knew that you were to pass away then. You waved him off, sparkles of purple latching onto your hands. That’s when he knew. 

He brought you to Fyodor, a thought lingering that you may be naive to this world and that Fyodor can help you, as he helped him. He was looking for a home, and he was certain you were looking for one too. Okay, Fyodor was intrigued, yet you felt something off. His words were saccharine and too persuasive for your liking. So, begrudgingly, you agreed. He could not miss the suspicion colored purple in your eyes. It was too strong to be ignored. Especially someone like you, of your caliber, it would only be natural if you were suspicious of everyone you come across. Though, Fyodor was a one-track mind, with a goal to make you belong in the DOA. 

He realized he had to open up to you if he was going to recruit you, it wasn’t that easy. Especially when you were unnerved upon hearing your title come out of his mouth. He deduced that you were not to be called the Raiden Shogun, as it makes you uncomfortable. He was first introduced to your power upon being attacked by ability users. The final skill you performed, which was the Musou No Hitotachi, a skill that was only ever used when you decide that they were to receive the ‘Divine Punishment’ you bestowed upon sinful people awed him, not that he'd show it. So, he wonders, why haven’t you used it on him yet? He was the epitome of sin, a wannabe God that carries out his own goals with selfishness in mind. You were naive, yet to the emotions of others that you observe, you may rival his own knowledge. 

It would take long for him to settle with his feelings. His only goal in mind is to eradicate the world of ability users, but you were one, as well. So, he weighed his options. Rule the world with you, or eradicate the world with you, too. It would be even harder with Nikolai on his tail, ready to pounce at any given moment. Oh, well, it was a problem for later. Your abilities easily surpass every ability he has ever seen. Your combat skills, too. Even without an ability, you were still to be feared for your achievements as a Head General 500 years ago. You were not a solo samurai for nothing. 

Due to your nature for being suspicious, any change of behaviour from Fyodor would immediately alert you, though, it does not mean it doesn’t intrigue you. For you and him to settle with your feelings was no easy task, more so falling in love. You didn’t like the idea, you knew love was not eternal, he was not eternal, and that you would lose him too, just like you lost your sister. The road to his goals was a rocky and unsafe path that you chose to join, and you also had the choice to leave. Although, with Fyodor, maybe you’d stay. Maybe, if you were with him, everything you had hoped for would reach eternity-- maybe both of you would be the beings remaining as the world passes for another 500 years. 

© kachuuyaa

[tomurasprincess]

Kinktober Day 24: Monster (The Asylum)

Day 24: Monster Title: The Asylum Pairing: Mothman Shigaraki x Reader Word Count: 3.1k Warnings: Noncon, monster mind control stuff, oviposition, cumflation, belly bulges, breeding, forced orgasms, some slight descriptions of gore and blood, yandere Note: The Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum is a real place, although parts of what I wrote is fake, mostly the part where they close down a second time in the fic. IRL, they’re still open and doing tours. Tagging @ichor-and-symbiosis​ and @kazooli​ as two of the OG Mothura writers 👀

Sequel: The Brood

Kinktober Masterlist

You’ve always loved urban exploring, going to old mental asylums and hospitals to look around and see the decay of places that used to be so bustling with people. You especially liked the places that had tragic pasts, the ones where horrific things occurred. It sounds morbid to anyone you talk to about your interests, but it was the truth. You’ve always believed in monsters and ghosts just out of sight of humanity, lurking in the dark corners of abandoned places.

That’s why you instantly planned a trip to the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum the second you heard about it. It had been abandoned years ago due to extreme abuse of patients. A historical society had moved in later, renovating the place and making a history tour of it that also did ghost tours at night.

But even they ended up abandoning the place due to the fake ghost tours apparently starting to become real ghost tours. People began to see creatures out of the corner of their eyes, something they said was much larger than a human, with wings on its back and piercing red eyes.

It was initially dismissed as overactive imaginations, people who wanted to see ghosts so badly that they were seeing things that weren’t there. Or people who just wanted to start tall tales  for attention and were flat out making things up in order to scare the rest of the group.

But then the disappearances started to happen. It was almost always young women who got separated from the tour group, although a few times it was a boyfriend and girlfriend who got lost together. The tour guides scoured every inch of the asylum looking for the missing people, but they found no trace of them. At first it was dismissed as the people getting scared and running off without telling anybody.

Until one day, a regularly scheduled tour group stumbled across the bodies. Not the bodies of the missing girls, but their partners. They were viciously torn apart, with limbs scattered all over the room. Their blood covered the walls, the floor, even the ceiling of the room. The women were alive but traumatized, rocking back and forth in a corner of the room absolutely covered in blood, none of which was their own.

They told the same tales that the rest of the people did. They were captured by a monster, around 8-9 feet tall, with large moth-like wings and red eyes. The creature was surprisingly gentle to them, they said, at least until they saw that they were with someone. The creature had become enraged, tearing their partner to pieces as they watched. They knew for certain that they would be next, their eyes squeezed tight as they waited for their death.

But the creature did nothing, simply turning away and leaving the room like they were not what the creature wanted.

Although everyone agreed that something horrible had happened to the young women, none of them believed their story. They had stayed in that room for several days, covered in the blood of their loved ones, not knowing if they were ever going to make it out. Of course they were traumatized, thinking they saw monsters. But monsters aren’t believed to exist, and so everyone began to look for a human murderer that was never found.

The asylum tried to recover from the tragedy, but it was never able to. The amount of bad press they got for having lax safety standards and not taking care of their tour groups caused everybody to stay away. Finally, having no other choice in the matter, the asylum had closed.

When you heard this story, you were over the moon excited. Not just a historical landmark, but also a place with a possible real life monster sighting. Nothing was going to stop you from going there and seeing the place for yourself.

And now here you stand, in front of the building with a backpack full of supplies slung over your shoulder. You had your phone, flashlights with spare batteries, a spare change of clothes, matches and lighters, even a rope and various other tools should something happen inside of the building.

And so, with a deep excitement bubbling up in your stomach, you find your way through a hole in the fence and walk through the front door. The first thing you see is the reception desk with various odds and ends left over from the closure. There are even still brochures describing the various types of tours and listing prices.

You walk down the first corridor you see, going past various closed off rooms that look to be basic examination rooms. There is surprisingly little decay, mostly everything still looking rather clean and intact besides a thick layer of dust and cobwebs covering everything. You’re a bit discouraged but decide to continue on to see if things get more interesting.

After all, the murders occured in the basement, and you’re not anywhere close to that yet.

Soon you find yourself in the medical ward where the patients were kept, and you instantly realize one of the reasons this hospital was so nightmarish. The rooms are even smaller than jail cells, leaving barely enough space for patients to lay down in. There are so many rooms of that exact size that you wonder how the staff could accurately take care of the amount of patients there had to be. But you remember your research, remember the fact that they couldn’t.

That was why so many brutal procedures were performed such as lobotomies, in order to keep the peace at the asylum and make things easier for the doctors and nurses. You give a quick shudder and begin to move on, feeling a strange sensation that you desperately want to get away from.

The decay gets worse and worse the closer you get to the basement, rust and decay beginning to cover every surface you see. You walk past some of the surgery rooms and feel horror at the utensils and instruments you see in them. The historical society tried to keep things as accurate as possible, and as such, they had kept most of the equipment that you would see back in those days.

You’re beginning to wonder if this is a good idea, as that strange sensation continues to worsen and worsen. You realize with a start what this feeling actually is.

It feels like someone is watching your every movement. You whirl around, shining your flashlight in every direction as you try to see what’s watching you. But there’s nothing but darkness and the decaying walls of the hospital. You shake your head, laughing quietly at the fact that you’re spooked out by a few weird shadows and an odd feeling.

You’re not going to let it stop you from your goal, however, and you continue forwards until you get to the doors of the basement. The feeling here is overwhelming, simultaneously telling you to run and move forward all at the same time. The conflicting emotions leave you off balance and light headed, and you reach your hand out instinctively when you sway on your feet. You touch a section of the wall and instantly pull your hand back.

The wall is warm, not cold like it should be. A sense of unease crawls up your spine, and you decide then and there that it’s time to go. Making it to the basement is not worth this, whatever it is you’re feeling. But then you hear a soft humming and the flapping of wings, coming from deep within the basement of the hospital.

Instead of being terrified, however, you feel entranced. It’s one of the most beautiful things you’ve ever heard, and it’s calling you. You open the basement door without even thinking about it, walking down the stairs in a dreamy haze. You don’t even pay attention to how heavy the rot here is, how the walls are entirely blackened by decay that spreads out like veins on a body.

You don’t pay attention when the door slams closed behind you, locking you in with whatever is calling you closer. All you can think about is getting to that beautiful sound, that lonely haunting call that seems to burrow deep into your brain. You walk as if you’re in a trance, turning corridors that you’ve never seen before but somehow know where they’re going.

Finally, you get to a door that is deep within the bowels of the basement, a bright red door that seems to beckon you inside. You push open the door with no hesitation, walking through and letting it close behind you.

And you finally come face to face with the creature. He is about 9 feet tall, towering over your small form. He’s not overly muscular, but he has a thin wiry look to him that says he is deceptively strong. His red eyes bore into you like they’re staring directly into your soul. On his back are two massive wings, spread to their full wing span and utterly gorgeous.

The creature makes a small chittering noise as he motions you towards him, and you follow like he’s a puppeteer holding your strings. He pulls you tightly into his body, burying his nose into your neck and taking a deep whiff of your skin. His hot breath on your sensitive skin pulls a shudder from you. and he tightens his grip as if he’s worried you’ll get away.

A long tongue pokes out of his mouth, licking at the pulse point that is frantically beating. “Mine,” he groans into your skin, sharp teeth grazing you. “Mate.” You’re lifted up off your feet before being laid down on the ground, hips in the air and face down on the floor. He rips your pants off easily, leaving your panties on as he lowers his head down. You feel a flash of embarrassment as he sniffs them like he sniffed your neck, groaning again as his tongue drags across the wet abric. “Fertile,” he whispers as he pulls your panties aside, “fertile mate.”

The haze parts from your mind long enough for you to feel a sharp flash of fear, and then his tongue is lapping at your folds and the fear is quickly chased away again. You dig your nails into the floor as you feel him work his tongue inside of you, using it to fuck you like a cock would. You gasp when he hits your cervix with his tongue and keeps going, wiggling against the barrier like he’s trying to break through it.

Something in his saliva causes your body to heat up and your muscles to loosen enough for him to batter his tongue harder against you and push through. Your scream echoes through the walls of the room, but not of pain. Instead, a fierce pleasure overtakes you as your cervix gives way to the creature’s tongue, allowing him to enter into your womb.

The feeling of this tongue wiggling around in your empty womb causes you to tip over the edge and cum around the creature’s tongue as he eagerly laps at your juices. He withdraws his tongue, causing you to let out a whine of disappointment, only to be surprised when you feel something prodding at your entrance. It doesn’t feel like a human cock at all, with ridges and bumps along the length and much thicker than a human cock would be.

You have a single moment to wonder how it will fit inside of you before it’s pushing in, stretching out your tight outer ring of muscles and causing a sharp burning in your lower stomach. You whine and try to pull away, only for the creature to let out a snarl as claws dig into your hips, causing your blood to drip down onto the pavement.

Even though there is no pain, only more pleasure, you learn your lesson and don’t try to move away as the thick cock slides even further into you. It’s so much thicker than anything you’ve ever taken before, and you’re shaking like a leaf when he finally bottoms out inside. You think he’ll start thrusting like a human male would, except that he doesn’t.

He keeps pushing, humping into you with sharp movements designed to force your cervix open even further. You squeal as the cock makes it past the barrier, burying deep inside of your womb. You glance down and let out a choked sob at the bulge in your stomach where the tip of the creature’s cock is.

“Pretty - pretty mate,” the creature says hesitantly, rolling his hips experimentally into you and drawing a groan from your throat. “Tomura,” he adds, and it takes you a second to realize that’s the creature’s name.

“Tomura,” you murmur, and the creature chitters happily at the sound of your voice saying the name. You try to think of something else to ask, maybe even to beg to be released as the haze seems to clear a bit, but Tomura begins to hum again, and you instantly smile in bliss as all of your concern fades away.

You feel something else pushing into your entrance, and it takes a long moment to realize what it is as you feel it slip up your stretched out tunnel.

Eggs. The creature is filling you with eggs. Instead of being horrified, however, you moan as they continue to move inside of you. There are multiple eggs at once, small and gooey, and they coat your insides with wetness as they make their way to your still stretched out cervix.

You feel them pass through the opening to plop down into your womb, and you cry out and cum hard, pussy wildly fluttering around Tomura’s cock. He lets out a deep grunt of pleasure as he rocks his hips against you, and you feel more eggs pushing into you. This time, a few of them get stuck against a spongy spot inside of you, and you scream out your orgasm, legs shaking and eyes rolling to the back of your head.

“Fuck, oh god, shit, Tomura - “ you babble mindlessly as more eggs push into you, “it feels so good, why does it - “

Before those eggs can push fully in, there are already more entering you, and you feel so incredibly full. They drop down into your no longer empty womb, wringing another orgasm from your tired body. The skin of your stomach is stretching, making you look bloated, and Tomura still isn’t done.

You lose track of time completely, only aware of your body twitching and convulsing as more and more eggs push up into you, settling into your womb with the rest of them. Your stomach already looks 9 months pregnant, and you can barely hold yourself up.

Tomura sees this, and he gently picks you up and lays you down on your back. “Pretty mate,” he leans and kisses your forehead, “look so good with my children. Our children.”

“Oh god, no more, please no more, I’m so full Tomura,” you whimper as more eggs push into you. “Please, so full - “

Tomura hums softly at you, and you smile with bliss as the final eggs plop down into your womb.  His movements become more savage, thrusting hard into you as he grunts and groans. The force of his thrusts has you sliding up, breasts bouncing and your belly jiggling. The feeling of the eggs moving around inside of you has you howling out your orgasm, blackness dotting the edge of your vision as you almost lose consciousness.

Finally, Tomura is finished, and his cock begins to twitch inside of you as hot ropes of cum fill you up, shooting directly into your womb where the eggs reside. You sob as you watch your stomach bulge out even more as the creature’s cum fertilizes the eggs inside. You can no longer see the dents and valleys of the eggs along your stomach, and you reach down to gently run your hand over your bloated stomach.

You can feel the eggs through the barrier of skin, and it causes your eyes to roll back at the pleasure. Tomura gives a soft, happy chirp as he places his hand over yours on your belly, rubbing it gently. He pulls out slowly, causing a mixture of your cum and his to gush out of your now gaping pussy.

He reaches down to pick you up as he walks towards a door in the back of the room that you hadn’t noticed before. You’re shocked by what you see when you walk through. It’s an utterly untouched room, still looking brand new and with none of the decay that covers the rest of the basement. There is no bed, but there is a pile of clean blankets and pillows in the corner, piled up high and in a circle.

A nest, you realize. It’s a nest. For you. He tucks you in gently, chirping again as his clawed hand runs over your pregnant belly. “Mate,” he says happily, “my pretty little mate.” He stands up and walks towards the door, turning to you one last time as his gaze narrows and darkens just a bit.

“No running. Don’t want to have to tie mate down.” He continues to gaze at you, as if waiting for something.

“I won’t run,” you say quietly, and the dark look on his face is gone instantly as he beams at you.

“Good mate, good.” And with that, he’s gone.

With his absence, some of the haze lifts and you’re able to realize the horror of the situation you’re in. Nobody knows where you are, and you’re trapped. Even if you wanted to run, you don’t think you could with how large your belly is. No escape and no help coming for you, and the creature already seems so possessive of you that he’s not going to let you easily escape.

If only you had listened to your instincts earlier, if only you hadn’t been so fascinated with the grotesque, if only you had simply chosen to stay home.

You’ve always believed in monsters. You just never thought you would find one.

✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

Kinktober: @thewheezingwyvern​, @vixen-scribbles​, @katsukisprincess​, @hisoknen​, @trafalgar-temptress​, @leeswritingworld, @burnedbyshoto​, @bakugotrashpanda​, @dee-madwriter​, @kittycatkrissa​, @reinawritesbnha​, @yanderart​, @dabilove27​, @anxietyplusultra​, @flutterfalla​, @angmarwitch​, @nereida19​, @babayaga67​, @fromsunnywithlove​, @dabis-kitten​, @bakugos-cumsock​, @yumeneji​, @the-grimm-writer​, @iwaizumi-chan​, @slashersheart​, @bunnyywritings​, @bakarinnie​, @angie-1306​, @lalalemon101​​, @videogameboiwhowins​​, @f4nficbaby​​, @tenkoshimmy​, @baroque-baby​​, @bbyspiiice​​, @thirstyforthem2dmen​​, @blissfulignorance2000​, @bluecookies02-main​

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

My opinion on bnha 329:

You can check in here my opinion about chapter 328, if you want the context.

I'm glad Horikoshi solved many of the things I pointed out last week. And I'm glad that I'm correctly reading into the manga, at least at some extent.

Let's see what we got this week: (long post)

After a long building up of relating Spinner to common citizens, mutants, people with weaker quirks and in general, the audience or the general public, we finally see this being explicitly acknowledged. He's on the end of his arc now, because the people picked him as their voice.

The last point is really important because Spinner now has great power. This is a direct parallel to the way Uraraka took control of the megaphone and spoke for the heroes. Now, it's Spinner's turn to speak for the villains, but because people wants him to do so.

On another note, we got an amazing graphic parallel of Stain and Spinner. While Stain is in shadows, Spinner is bright. And unlike Stain, Spinner has been chosen by the public. He was not there to be a leader, but people recognize him as one. This is very interesting because it shows how much Spinner has grown and how he is his own character, with his own achievements.

We saw Dabi back in a forest. This is a direct parallel to the way he stopped being Touya and got to be Dabi. It's a graphic reminder that we're getting the end of his arc with the Todorokis. What is his last step? We know he has his own plans and we know he wants to make Endeavor suffer, so could he be on a solo mission to achieve his vengeful desires? In which forest is Dabi? Are we're going to get more flashbacks? Are we going to see him back at Sekoto Peak?

Please note that when they mention Toga, it's exactly the way Curious wanted it. Toga is in front of a black background. She's being inserted on a narrative by force and not by choice, because someone else is putting her there. Alternatively, the white background tells us Toga's arc is still lacking definition and scenario for its end. Her fate is yet to be defined.

There's A LOT to say about AFO. Please look how the League of Villains is broken. AFO is using them as puppets. When referring to Spinner, he talks about him like he's a "bodyguard", not an equal or a friend like Tomura used to do. AFO clearly doesn't care about them and he won't stop to consider what they want, unlike Tomura. He has his own things to do and anything else must be forgotten and put aside.

AFO is still hiding behind Tomura. Please note how Tomura is treated like any other nomu. AFO took the throne of the king (Tomura) and made Tomura into a war dog.

Now, I've written some meta before about how Tomura never had an own identity until he met the League. Kotaro denied Tomura being himself, so much that the hand of Kotaro was still making Tomura faceless long after Kotaro's dead.

After Kotaro, AFO took away Tenko Shimura and imposed a new identity: Shigaraki Tomura. Please note that Shigaraki is AFO username, which means that even back then AFO was planning on using Tomura as an extention of AFO himself. And by naming him Tomura he pressured the kid to never forget his anger and sadness, caused by the tragedy of his family. It was AFO who repressed further the kid, all the hands being a physical reminder of such act. The hands were covering his entire face and because Tomura was unable to touch, he was only able to listen, just like the nomus. That's why Tomura scratches his neck so much. He itches for having an own voice, an own personality, an own identity.

If you pay attention to the panels in bnha 329, you can see how Tomura is wearing both a suit that resembles AFO's clothes and a cloak that resembles the one AFO was using on the world where Deku could see the vestiges. Tomura even has the white hair like AFO now. His pose and clothes are a direct parallel to Deku, but in a way AFO is a parallel to OFA.

Tomura has been stripped away of everything that made him himself. He doesn't have the hands, he doesn't have his clothes, people calls him AFO now, he doesn't even have his friends around. He's alone, a weapon and nothing more. I wrote another meta about how Tomura had no identity analyzing a panel from bnha 328. This is the direct consequence of that.

But this is not a separate case. It is pretty normal, in fact. When a system fails, when an entire country dives on a crisis, it's normal for everyone to question their place in that society and their identities.

Deku had an identity crisis and his friends for UA needed to rescue him and reminded him who he was. Toshinori had a crisis and Stain needed to helped him with it. Uraraka questioned too her identity as a hero and from there her speech above UA was born. Endeavor got a crisis, Shoto got a crisis, Toga needs to decide as much as Spinner does who do they want to be, Dabi is facing his old identity and his new identity conflicts...

This is actually pretty good. The narrative around heroes and villains are being questioned.

Who am I and why am I that person?

Do I need to be that person?

What is my role in society? Why?

What are my goals and why? Are they worth all the consequences?

Do I like the identity of my society? If not, can I change it? Can I change all the things before?

Bnha inner universe is walking towards a redefinition. What is a hero, what is a villain, who are they, why they are heroes or villains, etc. These characters were forced into certain roles or they assumed they needed to play those roles, according to what society told them. And now, they are free to decide. Time and time again, in every journey of any hero, the problems of the identity and the self vs the others is vital, and it shows through the decision making system.

On a final note, I'm a little sad that Horikoshi made a female version of All Might to fight Tomura, instead of giving her a more original character design in general. Women in the bnha universe tend to be seen as replacements of previous existent characters, or they are used quickly to further the plot and get forgotten. They deserve a better treatment, being honest.

The kids will get there rest time, because not all the cards are on the table yet. I love that it's the turn of the villains to play, because the final result of the next battles are going to be partially determined by what the members of the League of Villains decide to do.

Spinner will probably betray AFO, because he's not loyal to AFO's ideals but to his own ideas.

Dabi has his own thing going and he's also going to get rescued by the Todorokis. I really want to see Hawks, Endeavor, Shoto and Dabi all in a same fight, because parallels are going to fly around and I bet we're going to found out more about Dabi's heart.

I think Toga is still going to interact with the UA kids and help them somehow. I hope she gets to talk to Deku and make some good friends.

And for Tomura... He needs someone to reach for him. He has lost himself. His determination is gone, the sparks in his eyes, his fire. He needs a reason to fight, a reason to believe. He needs someone to believe in him, someone to call out his name and make him exists. He needs someone to see him. He's the same lost boy who walked on the streets asking for someone to rescue him. He's the same kid that asked for someone to believe he could be a hero. If Deku gives him that, if All Might helps him too, if the League is there to show them their loyalty, Tomura will be able to snap out of AFO's control and break free.

Nothing like a good villain chapter to make me excited about the future chapters. Let's wait and see.

[libraford]

I owe you all a story about kittens. But its about... a little more than kittens. It's a long one.

I want to tell you all about the kittens, which took place in 2019. But in order to do so, I have to take you back even further, to March of 2018, and concludes in 2021. Because it's about kittens, but it's also about business and all the things that can go wrong.

In March 2018, tragedy struck. The owner of the flower shop died unexpectedly, leaving the business to four capable managers. One of those managers was the man that had hired me, leaving a power vacuum at our location. Grandpa was not the first choice to take the lead, but she stepped up and she became manager. In my opinion, there was no better person for the role: she had only ever worked in the flower industry (assuming we're not counting the one week in 1976 when she worked at a pizza parlor,) and as such she knew the business inside and out.

Prior to this, she had taught all of the designers and practically ran the place when the boss was out, so it was the next logical step. And it was good.

Of course, we had our ups and downs. What I did not realize when I joined the flower shop is that the flower industry is volatile- there are so many variables that went into the creation of floral pieces and if there is one misstep you can be set back anywhere from a day to several thousand dollars. There are late deliveries, there are frightening brides, there are missing piñatas… van fires, flower snobs, color corrections, failed psychics, friends, enemies…

You can set the bar so very low and yet…

The rise and fall of drama at this particular flower shop could be dictated into hours and minutes because sometimes you need to hire people just to fill that space. Grandpa was on record by saying 'if they can walk, talk, and spell their name, hire them.' Even so, we were critically understaffed most of the time because if you hire anyone you're going to get a lot of quitters.

It's a tough cycle to break, and our power was limited.

And we had bigger fish to fry: we had an average of thirty funerals, two weddings, and well over six hundred deliveries per week. Business was booming and we just had to keep up- if you make it one week after the next it doesn't feel so bad.

By March of the following year, the four owners had whittled down to two: my former boss and the former webmaster. We had a district manager now, some kind of accounts position… things like that. It was kind of astonishing that before this, all the work had been done by a single man. But the secrets to his success had died with him.

Things were looking good, actually: the flower business was full of life! We were doing all kinds of special events, starting contracts with businesses and getting our name out there. Drama still plagued us, but as far as I'm aware, that's par for the course for flower shops.

Then, in May 2019, tragedy struck. A tornado ripped straight down the street of our headquarters, demolishing the greenhouse and the historical building that it all started in. No one was injured, but the damages were devastating. Despite all this, we kept working.

We worked hard. And hard. And hard.

And though the new warehouse wasn't slated to be finished until 2021, we reached an equilibrium where things were okay.

But before I get to that, I made a promise to you.

It was a hot day in August and I was walking into my closing shift at 10am. After two years of working with roughly the same people, you got to learning how to tell when something was happening. I walked in to everyone staring at me and acting 'natural.' It never looks natural.

In the back of the store, there was a box that Cherry was standing very purposely in front of.

"What's in the-"

"Sh!" Grandpa spied through the window in the cooler door as someone swung out with a purchase. "Did you find something you like," she asked the customer, trotting over to help him at the register.

"What's happening," I asked Blue.

"Nothings happening, it just kind of… happened."

"Blue… what does that MEAN?"

"There's a customer here, I can't talk about it."

I am bursting at the seams to know what's going on.

Grandpa fared the customer well and went back to her station behind the computer. "Open the box," she said.

Ominous, but okay. I go over to the box and Cherry steps aside. There's something moving inside the box and I wonder if Pam's daughter had folded herself into a box to ride out a panic attack again. I carefully opened the flaps of the box and accidentally disturbed the sleep of-

Four.

Tiny.

KITTENS!

Oh my god, it was the most adorable thing in the world and the poor things were screaming because they had only known the world for a few weeks and everything was strange and blurry and all they knew to do was cuddle for warmth and scream. The box consisted of two black kittens, one tuxedo kitten, and a white seal-point with terminal eye goop.

They immediately started climbing up my arm.

"Not that I'm not thrilled, but… why?"

"Stray cat left her babies out by my pond and wasn't just gonna leave the little fuckers," Grandpa said. The seal-point made it all the way up my shoulder to scream in my ear and stare at me with one clear blue eye. "That one's name is Pop-eye. He's my favorite."

"Jake doesn't get along with them," I surmised. Jake was Grandpa's Australian Shepherd. He was old, blind, deaf, and losing his sense of smell. And he was ornery.

"First thing he did was sit on Pop-eye. So they're gonna be at the shop during the day until we can get them all homed. Know anyone that needs a kitten?"

So, for awhile, we had shop cats. One of the all black twins had been claimed the very next day, but the rest of them were with us for some time. We got very good at feeding them all every hour on the hour and eventually they settled into accepting that 'mom' was seven different people.

In the meantime, we had to hide the three of them from visiting management.

This was not my first round with cat-related crimes.

The district manager, Puppet, was due to come for a visit any time that week. He was supposed to come once a month for a routine check in, and there were only ten days left in August. Likewise, we had to hide the kittens from the customers on the off chance that one of them was a secret shopper.

Backtracking once more to explain: the company had shelled out money to pay a third party to send secret shoppers to grade us on a rubric and also whatever they thought was appropriate. The grades were cleanliness, customer service, how knowledgeable we were of products, things like that. If we got above 90%, there would be a bonus in our next paycheck.

Sounds great, right?

The spies could decide that anything wasn't up to their standard. One woman went on and on about our 'black wall,' which was the outside of our cooler and I'm sorry but… that's not changing. There was a complaint that the table at the front used to showcase our bridal seemed out of place and odd. There dirt in the flower pots… where dirt goes. Corporate reads those comments.

So keeping the children out of sight of the customers and any visiting management became our priority.

'So just keep them in the break room,' I hear you, the reader, suggest.

If you've never owned cats, it is imperative for you to know that they are mostly comprised of spine, and only the smallest of openings will deter them from squeezing into parts unknown. Cats are semi-solids. Kittens are semi-solids with a sense of adventure and little tiny needles for fingernails.

And you can't just tape the box shut.

So… they got out. Well, two of them got out. The tuxedo awoke to find that her brothers had gone exploring without her and did the sensible thing, which was cry about it.

Mood.

I have named this cat Brood X Cicada. The black one can be named Abyss. I'm great at naming cats.

Lucky for us, they're only a few weeks old and walk kind of like little tin soldiers. It took all of five minutes to pry Pop-eye from a piece of Styrofoam and locate Abyss exploring an old toolbox. However, by the time I'm done cat collecting, Brood X Cicada had toddled off in search of her brothers and I'm out of hands to hold kittens in. I stuffed Abyss into my apron pocket and tried to save X from eating plastic.

It is at this moment that Cherry came in to tell me that Puppet the District Manager was on his way, and saw that I was helplessly juggling kittens. Abyss was climbing out of my pocket, eager to join his siblings in the high and exalted position that was my hands.

"We need these kittens out of here," I said. "Who hasn't been on lunch yet?"

Cherry dodged her head back into the workshop. "Hey Key, you been on lunch?" Pause. "You wanna go now?"

Key came into the back room and I handed her the box of kittens. "Take these, in your car. Go to burger King or something, I don't care. Puppet cannot see these. If anyone asks, you're on a route."

Key held the box and took a moment to appreciate the series of events that lead to her being handed a box of kittens in a 'Take this, don't ask questions' kind of matter.

Puppet was in the front door as Key was out the back and we successfully avoided a serious mistake. His visit was only an hour and she walked back in without anyone the wiser.

We made it through the big challenge, now to continue looking for homes for them. Ms. Crow found a friend of a friend of a friend that was excited to take Abyss from us. After some interrogating my friends, I found someone who knew someone who could take Pop-eye and Brood X Cicada. (They were renamed Hocus and Pocus.)

Grandpa cried for every single one of them that had to go. And I remembered my very first day of working there when she introduced herself as 'The Tinman.' What a liar, the softy.

Our days went on kitten-free, the management none the wiser.

It was December when I got the feeling that I should be taking photos of my work to build a portfolio. Something wasn't right, I felt. I couldn't say what it was that put me on edge, but I could only say that all was not well. I took photos of everything that I was proud of, and I was proud of a lot of things. By February, I had over fifty items that I could show off to a potential studio. And I thought- in March, I should start looking to see if other shops are hiring.

And in March 2020, tragedy struck. Our state went into lockdown on March 13, dictating that all non-essential businesses close and non-essential staff be laid off. There were two days where none of us knew what was happening, if we had jobs or if that job was safe.

They laid off all but three designers and Grandpa but kept most the drivers, changed our hours to 8-5, closed Sundays. Canceled weddings. No walk-ins. The three designers were Blue, Red, and me.

Blue was worried about her children. She resigned.

Red's wife was worried about him and harassed him into quitting.

And then there was one.

There's a series of poems I wrote in my journal about being an essential worker during lockdown. There's adorable little doodles of skeletons around the margins, festooned with flowers. They all go something like this:

We are the Skeleton Crew.

We once were seven but now are two

We don't know what to do

So we just work, work, work.

Many may wonder how a flower shop would be considered an essential business. The answer is funerals. We were allowed to remain open because of our relationship with the funeral industry. And sad to say: the industry was booming.

And I did all of it. I made every spray, every 'get well soon' vase, every 'happy quarantine' bouquet. I called angry brides to see if they could postpone, I dealt with everyone's grief and uncertainty.

All the flowers that arrived at US Customs through Italy were destroyed because we didn't know whether coronavirus was transmitted through physical contact and there's no way to sanitize flowers. Not without killing them.

It was me and Grandpa. That was it. Ten funerals a day, and everything else. Flowers were more important than ever: you couldn't be there, so you sent flowers. And flowers and flowers and flowers…

I couldn't leave now. I was important, I was needed.

The work became overwhelming for both of us and we began hiring back some of our staff. Some came back right away, bored out of their skulls having to spend time at home. Can't relate. Key never responded, Cherry was pregnant and shouldn't be out of the house.

Dandy came back, Kali came back, Astra came back. Eventually, Blue. After a month of just me and Grandpa, there was almost a full crew and it was enough for us to get through an average week. It took us a month on our bare knuckles but we finally weren't shouldering the responsibility of seven people.

But we still didn't know jack shit about the future there.

In May, the 'economy opened up,' which is a strategic way of saying that people got tired of never leaving the house and stores were pressured to open back up again before a vaccine was released under threat of… you know what? This isn't a story about how America responded to the coronavirus poorly and you can probably find a better thinkpiece about it written by someone with facts and feelings if you want to squeeze yourself behind a pay wall.

This is about workers rights and kittens, two things that are far more important than the economy.

We got 'Hero Pay,' which was two dollars extra per hour and damn did I grasp onto that with the tendons in my wrists. I had never been paid $12 an hour for anything in my life. They started talking about permanent raises, and benefits, 401K, pregnancy leave… and I started thinking… maybe I could stay. Maybe I can stay here for awhile and it won't be so bad now that I'm getting paid actual human wages. Maybe it will be okay.

Life returned to an uneasy normal while we navigated mask laws, sanitation regulations, safety screens, and daily temperature checks. There are stories to tell about some less than great customers we'd had as people realized that they weren't coping with the pandemic as well as they thought, but they deserve their own entries.

We had a revolving door of open positions. If it wasn't a designer it was a driver or both. People weren't ready to come back to work yet but we still had a business to run. People asked if they could perform this job remotely. I'm not sure how one does flowers from home.

It was August when we started feeling the roots of our problems seep into the foundation.

Grandpa's pride and joy was her funerals. She had spent thirteen years building a relationship with the funeral homes in the area to make sure they trust us and our work. If anything was wrong, even a hair out of place, they knew they could call us and have it fixed before the visitation.

"We want unity across the board on our products," Puppet said. "If you're doing the sprays one way and others don't look the same, it doesn't look very good for Oldman Funeral Home, which has locations in all our cities, does it?" He swept his bangs out of his eyes, which was strange tell but we weren't sure for what.

"Okay," Grandpa said. "Schedule a time for me to go down and I'll teach them the way we do them."

"Okay, then."

She went down, prepared to show the crew in the warehouse what 40 years in the business was capable of, only to be met with a strange kind of resistance.

Their head designer greeted her and immediately started instructing her on how he makes sprays. Grandpa, confused, blinked at him with no words. When he was finished, she picked up her clippers and began making her own.

"That's not how we do it," he said. She was met with criticism after criticism. "That's not enough flowers, you're putting them in wrong, you're still making it one-sided. Why did you put the bow there, this looks nothing like our products."

She stood back after his barrage of blows to the ego. "I guess I'm a little confused."

"I'll say."

"Am I teaching you or are you teaching me?"

"I'm teaching you," he said. "Since they're going to all be made here from now on, they want me to show you how we make them in case of emergency."

She let that simmer. "That's not what I was told."

"You didn't think you were supposed to show me how you do it, did you? That doesn't make any sense. Why would we want to look like yours?"

"Oh, I dunno… maybe because we've kept up 30 accounts for 13 years and your location just lost your very last one because you can't make their delivery times and they're across the damn street."

This was how we learned that corporate was planning on taking our funerals from us.

Funerals were something I was immensely proud of. My ability to turn out a thousand dollar funeral order with limited stock was a subject of envy. I could take a phone order, make the flowers, and the deliver it all by myself within an hour. I was good. We were all good. And we trained anyone that stayed longer than two months how to do this because we wanted every person to be able to fix any problem.

And they wanted to take that away from us.

And they did. Because who was going to stop them?

'But what does that matter to you,' I hear you, the reader, ask. 'Surely this meant less work for you!'

Ah, but for the sprays to get to us, they had to come on a truck. Making them in-house meant that we knew we had them. We had to put our trust in corporate to deliver the goods to us by 7 am or we would have to make them day of.

There were days when the truck didn't come, or where only half the pieces were delivered, or a spray got left in the workshop an hour away. At least once a week, often more.

But you know… we adapted. You just schedule more openers to make sure no one is doing it alone and hope to God that you have all the flowers you need to make it. Which you could never anticipate how many flowers you would actually need because them taking our funerals was supposed to reduce the amount of stock flowers we got as well.

Mornings were nightmares, but we adapted.

Another visit, Puppet told Grandpa that she should get all weekends off. All the other managers do. He suggested that I learn to run routes so she can have weekends, and I said okay. I'll learn it.

I got real acquainted with the map of Ohio, and I hated it. I was a weekend manager with no real managerial power. If someone needed a refund, I had to write a note for Grandpa to email the accounts manager because she wouldn't take requests from anyone that wasn't a manager. Everything just waited until Monday. What was the point of me? I couldn't design while managing and I couldn't fix what was broken, so why even have a weekend manager? Let the animals loose in the zoo and it probably would have been a better fit.

But I powered through. I adapted.

Throughout all this, spreadsheets. Spreadsheets, spreadsheets, spreadsheets. Completely pointless spreadsheets that we were bound to fill out all day every day. They had simple purposes: inventory. You filled one out to take count of the specials so you knew how many there were. Then you had to count again to put them in the system so that they knew how much we had. Then you had to go back and count them again and put that number in the computer so they knew how much to make and send tomorrow.

I spent an hour each day counting and recounting the flowers in the far-off and futile hope that the counts would remain accurate to the end of the day (which they did not because the call center consistently used the wrong codes) and that the stock would be replenished properly in the morning (it was not.)

An hour was lost each day to this and it accomplished nothing, yet they always yelled at Grandpa if the counts were off or it was late. Why stress a system that does jack shit?

And every time there was a new feature or there was a new… thing, oh look! Another goddamned redundant spreadsheet that served no purpose.

But we adapted. We created a rhythm.

Show up early at 6:30 to make sure everything got in, make everything that didn't, get the drivers routed, pull routes for the third party deliveries, process same-day orders, data entry for the funeral consolidated. Then at 7, when the phones start ringing…

Okay, so before I forget:

Instead of installing a new phone line and hiring a few more call center people like a normal company would, our headquarters decided it would save us money if call overflow rerouted to the next available phone line, regardless of which location the phone was at. So we would get calls for the Kentucky store asking questions about what that store has and for the sake of preserving confidence in our brand we were supposed to pretend that we were the Kentucky store. We're just supposed to know or assume to know what each store had in stock because there's no way that could ever backfire.

It was… another thing to yell at us for. And boy did they, because they were listening in on our calls. Not to like… coach us on how to do better, but to tell us we were wrong. Sometimes they would call one of us on the other line to tell someone currently on the main one that they said something wrong. They also would straight up lie and scold us for calls we didn't take. The phones system, was simply a mess.

...so when the phones started up at 7am, and one person is designing, one person is taking unending phone orders, Grandpa is doing damage control. By 8, we have most of last nights orders figured out and it's time to start on same day orders and tomorrow's orders. It's too early to do inventory now because they'll yell at us for doing it too early.

By 9 we have our second wave of same day orders and next day orders, the rest of the world realizes we're open and starts walking in. That requires the attention of an entire person. We're at this point also taking out trash, breaking down boxes, disinfecting, sweeping the cooler.

Typically, there were only two openers on any given day, which meant most of this was all being handled by Blue or me.

By 10 we've caught up, we can do the inventory now without getting yelled at by the four heads at corporate. We're on route #3 by now and someone probably had to go to the same place twice because the orders came in late.

At 11, a crisis has probably happened. Something dropped, something wilted, something wasn't what they imagined. Someone has to go fix it, and that someone was usually me because I knew my way around town better than the other transplants.

This typically returned me to the shop around 1pm, which meant it was time for lunch, bringing me to 2. 3 o'clock was the cutoff for any next day orders to be sent to corporate, which meant that if there were any funeral orders taken for the morning, they would have to be made in-house. This included sprays, which takes half an hour to an hour depending on how complicated it was and if we had the materials and how much else we needed to make for the next day. Or how busy we were.

There was always something called in at the last minute, taking us to 4 and then 5 o'clock, when the openers went home and the same-day orders were cut off.

But see, that was when we stopped taking orders, not when we stopped processing orders. So if an order was placed for the same day at 4:59, it may not go through until 5:30. And by 5:30, chances are you've sent your drivers home for the day. Which means calling the customer to apologize and explain why something can't be sent out today, and no one wants to hear that they fucked up by sending it out late.

So, on more than one occasion, I had to personally deliver flowers on my way home from work in my personal car, thirty minutes out of my way because if we miss a delivery by God will we hear about it. And it was always some damn $25 arrangement with 'God Loves You' written on the tag, hardly worth the gas to Johnstown.

The irony of it being delivered by the witch was lost on no one.

If that didn't happen and the screen was clear, the night was easy and all we had to do was clean up and watch the door.

Unless a last minute order for the next day came in, which was about half the time. All of this for $11 an hour. (Once they got rid of the Hero Pay, it went back down to $11.)

That was an average, unexciting day for us. You got used to those kinds of stresses, but every day I came home and I was so tired and sore that I couldn't move. I started walking with a cane, had a low-grade fever most days, and my hands looked like I'd taken to them with a cheese grater.

But I powered through. I adapted.

Then it was December. The owners had always been generous with Christmas bonuses, handing everyone an envelope of cash. Mine was $500. This was the largest amount of cash that anyone had ever handed me (feel bad for me later.)

And then it was Grandpa's turn, but there were no envelopes left. It had to be a mistake, she thought. She didn't get paid very much for all the work she put into the shop, so she was counting on that bonus to buy presents for her grandchildren. It… it… had to be a mistake, right?

"I didn't get a bonus," she said. "I thought the accountability didn't take effect until January," she said to Puppet.

Before he opens his mouth again, I have to explain yet another thing.

In September, there was a meeting. Now that we were working on benefits and bonus programs and other things to make sure the staff stays, they needed to put in accountability measures for the managers. Effective January 1, managers are reflected by the income of their store, the number of returns, accidents in company vehicles, and high turnover rates.

Pick one of those attributes and decide its bullshit to begin with, and I'm about to show you the entire steer.

"We had to make an example of someone," he said. "So that the other managers know we're serious."

She was being personally punished for a car wreck that happened in 2019 even though she fired the guy that was in it. We had too many returns, he said, but most of them were sent to us from corporate. She was personally held responsible for the high turnover rate during an economic crisis AND a goddamned pandemic… because they needed to make an example out of someone.

And her grandkids didn't get presents this year because of it.

She cried. The last time I saw her cry was when we were saying goodbye to the kittens. It's not the same.

But she got up every day and listened to them scream at her while we counted and counted and recounted the fucking Christmas specials because the numbers weren't right and we couldn't make them right because someone in the call center couldn't figure out the codes and in their eyes it was our fault, too- we had to be stealing the flowers or something.

"It sucks and then its over," she said. It was how she dealt with holidays: "It sucks and then its over."

We were all angry for her. I got asked to go to the headquarters and help them mass produce more fucking specials and I offered the beat them up for her and she told me not to get involved. Head down, do the work, get it done.

One of the call center girls died of a heart attack a few days before I was due to help them mass. We were supposed to go to her funeral, but we all missed it because there was so much work to do.

Wait, let me back up… again. The company gave us all life insurance. The number we were quoted on our life insurance policy was $10,000, which seems like a lot but in the funeral business it's not. Your average funeral will eat up most of that, if not all. It's very expensive to die right now.

At least… we all thought it was $10k. I was certainly told $10k.

Turns out it was $1k, which isn't enough to buy you a box for your remains. The call center crew ended up crowdsourcing the rest- she didn't have much family.

And none of us could go to the funeral because we were working.

I worked two twelve hour shifts in that warehouse making the same goddamn centerpiece over and over again while a Frenchman in a scarf told me I was doing it wrong, while everyone was grieving on a time crunch.

I really should have beaten them up.

But we got through Christmas, for what it was worth. We found Grandpa some sales that she could get gifts from and we all worked together to make sure we were okay through it. I mean, we weren't- it was blind leading the blind. But we tried.

And then it ended. "It sucks and then its over," she'd always say.

And into January we go and we're back into the stupidity of trying to fight with hq about funerals. I'm constantly told that if we needed certain things we should have ordered them.

I… did. I did. I ordered everything we needed every damn day and it still never came because the left hand and the right hand can't even coordinate enough to pull off a high-five. But it can't be their fault. It has to be Grandpa's somehow.

Now during the week of Christmas, Grandpa had to take an extra day off because she got sick. It wasn't Covid, thank goodness. I can imagine it was a stress-related issue, but it's not my business. Due to the holiday, this put her at under 40 hours for the week.

So they paid her hourly.

...which is extremely illegal to do to a salaried employee, especially one that works way more than 40 hours a week with no overtime.

And then they told her that she'd already lost her quarterly bonus because of a fender-bender that happened on my watch, and because she lost 39 employees last quarter.

I write everything down. I keep a journal. I cannot find 39 employees, even going back the entire year… during a pandemic. They have to be making this up. They have to be because there is no way they can hold the dude that was fired for literally sleeping in the men's room against her.

And I was close to just telling them all that… when my grandma died.

I'm not getting into it, really. Because you know… she was 96 years old and… it happens. It's sad, but it happens. But the relevant point to make is that I was given an… inheritance. It wasn't a lot. Grandma wasn't loaded. But it would be enough for me to keep afloat for awhile if I ever needed to.

When I told my girlfriend, she said: 'you could quit your job.'

And I didn't want to think about that because the flower shop needed me. I was important there. I was special. And Valentine’s Day was just around the corner.

But I was thinking about it. I thought about it every day.

A week before Valentines Day, Grandpa was inconsolable. She had to leave work because her dog, Jake, wouldn't stop bleeding. She needed to get him to the vet.

Two hours pass and Blue gets a message asking her to come help her move the dog. Grandpa lives alone and she's not very strong.

Blue doesn't like dogs. She was bitten by one the first time she ever made a delivery.

And I am known for exceptional physical strength. So I went.

When I arrived, Grandpa was a mess. I had never seen her cry so much, and it wouldn't stop. And I was trying to be strong, but it's hard. Jake was still alive, but bleeding. He was confused and upset, and blind and deaf. He barked, he growled, and he lunged… but always pulled back when his legs buckled from the pain.

I had her grab a blanket and we rolled him onto it, using that to lift him. He thrashed and growled and snapped at me while we walked him towards the door, but he wasn't getting out of the wrap we had him in.

As we're out the door, I noticed a man at the neighboring house. He raised his hand in greeting, but lowered it in confusion.

"Grandpa, is it alright if I get him to come help while you bring the car around?"

The best she could do was nod.

"Yeah, sorry, to bug you but can I ask for a little help here?" He looks at what we're doing and drops his trash can lid to come help. "Yeah, just take that end there and we're gonna ease him into the car when she comes around."

He nodded, took the ends, and we tucked a very confused Jake into the back seat. I thanked the neighbor, Grandpa sped off, and I went back to work feeling extremely odd about it.

That was the first time that I'd ever met the dog: on his way to be put down.

I know it seems weird to tell that story, but there's a reason. Part of it is symbolic. Part of it has to do with kittens. But we're not there just yet.

So now it's February and it is crunch time for Valentine’s Day. We have no earthly idea what this holiday is going to look like because past experiences have us anticipating a large number of walk ins, but state regulations have put a limit of six customers inside the store at any one time. We were never given any… instructions on how to enforce that rule, so we just kind of vaguely set out roles for who has to be the bouncer at the flower shop.

But before all of that, we had to make 275 two-dozen red rose arrangements in bowls. Based on our sales last year and general growth, we were expecting something close to five hundred deliveries on our busiest day. If I wasn't making them, I was counting them. And I was counting, and I was counting, and I was counting… every hour, just like it was at Christmas. We used up every single red rose in the place and came up short.

To which we were scolded: we must have used the roses they sent us for other orders because there was no way the error could have been on their end! Their inventory was impervious to mistakes. Somewhere between the warehouse and our store, twenty-five packs of roses went missing! And why is it only our store that has these problems? Clearly it must be our fault- a store full of thieves and liars and delinquents.

They ended up sending more just because… you know… they care. I guess.

And every hour, they needed a number of something and I counted, and counted and counted…

I think it was February 8 that I started crying every day. When I slept I was stiff as a board because I made so many mistakes throughout the day that the idea of coming to work the next day just to make more mistakes made me lock up entirely. There was no way to relax. There was no winding down from a hard day of work because my body could not move anymore.

I felt like I was made of splintering wood.

I had a dream around this time that I quit my job. I was so happy. I thought about it almost every hour.

So I stayed out of the way at work, picking up cleaning projects because at least there I could be useful and it was dark enough in the cooler that if I started crying no one had to see it.

That cooler was so clean. I wouldn't recommend eating off of it because I used an entire bottle of bleach to clean the floor.

If we're not counting the constant barrage of demands from corporate to count, count, count; Valentine’s Day was worryingly uneventful. Previous holidays were chaotic: filling the requests of the most desperate and clueless men with deep pockets and expensive tastes. Corralling the temporary drivers and make sure no one gets into any crashes or… uh...tries to sell unregulated merchandise from their trunks. Trying to decide what "Malibu Barbie Pink" meant for that one customer who comes in every six months and orders it but has rejected every color pink on the spectrum that our store has ever offered.

On this one… nothing important happened.

We were… slow.

Grandpa started sending people home early because there weren't many orders. We ran out of projects to do.

Sounds great, right?

...heh…

Corporate would like to know why our store is under projected sales by over 200, as if we have any say in how many people buy from us. Like we personally called all our typical customer base and told them not to come to this store. "Yes, hello Mrs. Penderghast? I'm sorry we can't fill your Valentine's Day order this year because we suck balls and don't want your business. Have a nice weekend. Say hi to the grandkids for me."

I don't… fucking KNOW! I don't work in PR! I'd ask the people in that department if they know what happened but… that's the owners. So who really is the fuckup here? Not me, that's for fucking certain! I cleaned the cooler. That's all I did all weekend was clean the Gods damned cooler because there wasn't enough work to go around so I made work for myself.

And then: "Why are the counts off," asked Mt. Rushmore. See, we called them that because between the owners, Puppet, and the head designer we had four white men looking down at us while we did all the work and built their success on the backs of their forefathers. Well… to me it was anyway. To everyone else it was four dudes that looked down on you.

"Why are the counts off?"

Oh, the COUNTS are off? Well, let me just drop everything I'm doing right now and count them for the third time in the past hour because that takes fucking priority.

"There's 95 specials missing from your inventory. Where are they?"

...okay, 95 is a lot. But it was also kind of hard to know how they were 'missing' when we'd sold all of the 275 that we made. How can they be missing if we sold them.

"We need to know where they are."

We don't know where they are. Because we sold all of them. The math didn't add up.

But they hounded us about it like we'd stolen them and resold them on the street corner. Which, to their defense, had happened once (but Sugar stopped doing that when her corner was taken over by the woman who accused Jay of being a demon.) But 95 is a huge number, and these arrangements were a foot wide and two feet tall. Someone would have noticed if a 100x200 foot square opened up in the cooler.

We literally could not know what the fuck they were talking about.

And the truth was extremely stupid: those 95 pieces were redeliveries. When someone has an issue with their order, like it didn't come or it was left out in the snow and got damaged or… someone put the name of their ex on the card instead of their wife… we send a replacement. But depending on who took the phone call, a person might use the wrong code and put it in for 'redeliver' instead- which counts it as another order.

We weren't missing 95 arrangements. We had 95 redeliveries. They hounded us about inventory for two days over a clerical error.

I decided I'd had it. We were going on a full week of crying every time I had a moment alone. They had made us feel like everything that went wrong was our fault: from low turnout to high turnover, missed deliveries and trashed sprays, lost accounts and new grievances…

But did they ever say a Gods damned thing about how hard we worked? How good we were? About how great a team we were under pressure? We once pulled together an entire wedding in fifteen minutes. My ass carried this store through the pandemic. I have done… so much.

So fucking much.

And yet it's our fault.

I had been reasoning with myself that I would stick around for the aftermath when Grandpa was eventually fired: we'd all felt it was coming. But I got that little bit of cash and all my joints were screaming and every time we got negative feedback a part of me died.

The following Tuesday had seen a massive snowstorm. Things that weren't already closed due to the pandemic were closed due to weather.

But we still had to be there. Because someone had to be there to make all the funeral pieces.

Because there wouldn't be a truck the next day, which meant that all of the funeral pieces that we'd sent to the headquarters needed to be made in-house. Which, once again, could have been avoided if we had kept the funeral orders in-house to begin with.

I waited until everyone had cleared out before I said it.

"Grandpa, I have to quit."

I don't think anyone ever looked so disappointed in me in my life.

"Why?"

"The way they treat people here is terrible and I can't see myself doing another Mother's Day for this company. They're so… mean! And for no damn reason! I have cried every day for the past week because I see the way they treat you and I'm… I'm tired."

I thought she was going to cry, but she nodded. "I can't stop you," she said. "I shouldn't stop you. If it's affecting your mental health like this, I'll miss you but its for the best. You know they'll want a written notice."

"And you know I'll tell them the truth," I said.

"...it's not me, is it?"

"If I worked for just you and those fuckers were out of the picture, I would stay. And you can count on me to tell them that."

"Any flower shop you apply to would be lucky to have you."

So I drafted up a resignation letter telling them exactly how I feel: that the way they run this company was asinine and they treated their employees like garbage. They received it on Thursday. Everyone at the shop knew by then. They were upset…

...but they understood.

Puppet did not understand. He emailed Grandpa asking her what she's doing that her people keep leaving.

He didn't see it. He didn't see that he was part of the problem. It always had to be someone else's fault. I explicitly said in my letter whose fault it was and he still didn't take any responsibility.

But suddenly I'm one of their best designers, and he begged me to reconsider, take some time off to think about it. They desperately wanted me to stay and they were willing to bargain, I just needed demands.

No one's ever… begged me before. I don't know if I like that.

This is when it dawned on me that I was next in line. It all made sense now: training me to route, making me do all the extra work, and now they want me to stay?

They were planning on getting rid of Grandpa and promoting me to manager. In a perfect world where Grandpa resigns willingly and I’m promoted on my merits as a designer and the company wasn’t very quickly circling the drain, I would be excited. But I wasn’t. I was frightened. I watched them take a confident, extremely talented woman and turn her into the whipping boy of the flower shop. And if I were in her position, I would have quit. But I don’t have the strength to stand up to the people that are signing my paycheck.

Why… am I at a place where the idea of moving upward makes me more scared than excited?

Flattering, but no. I've seen how you treat your people. My demands are to treat them better.

It was the longest week for me: making lists of pros and cons. I had made a lot of friends there and there's stuff that I will never forget. But the fact that the only people who didn't understand why I was leaving were the people who had the most to lose really hit me in the knees. I could tell them every day for the rest of their lives why they suck and it wouldn't matter because nothing was ever their fault.

And at 7:00 on Friday, I turned in my key.

I didn't have a plan, I didn't have anything lined up. This was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make and I was just kind of… throwing myself at it.

I don't do that. I always have a plan. I look into every possible scenario and I try to make the smart choice. And this time…

I didn't.

It was probably stupid.

But I slept for 12 hours the next night and I could feel my bones settling into their rightful places. I didn't realize how many health problems were caused by standing for 9 hours a day, 11 days a week until I was home all the time to notice them changing. I will always have a limp from trying to pretend I don't have a limp. I'm pretty sure that ulcer is chronic. But my back isn't seizing up and I don't cry every day anymore.

That's something, I think.

About a week after my departure, I got a text from Grandpa that said:

"Hey guess what."

"What," I replied.

The next text was a picture of a week's old seal-point kitten with terminal eye-goo, wrapped in a towel.

"Pop-eye!?"

"I'm keeping this one," she said. The strays had dropped a litter of identical baby kittens by her pond. Two years later, with Jake put down, she could finally have Pop-eye, even if it was version 2.0.

The next text was a few days later. "Puppet fired me."

"What!? Why?"

"Too many accidents, too high turnaround. The new people suck, he says no one wants to work with me."

"Are you okay? How are you doing?"

"I'm okay." She paused and the loading screen did its little dot dance. "I'm playing with my kitten."