#IT'S ALWAYS FUCKJNG THERE ANYWAY

[noxiousgrace]

Cop car- mitski

Krs

Kim rok soo

Kim rok soo

I want to bring the animatic in my head to life so bad GUH

[pickled-flowers]

Every time I go to a party I'm reminded that it's not that I can't interact with people, it's just not a desire I have :(

[itsalwaysdark]

bc its like. i cant Get better in this house yk. im safer here and im so thankful for that but i cant like. i cant get myself on a schedule bc nobody else has a schedule so for example if i want.to do my laundry on sundays sometimes i cant bc theres still laundry in there and ive told my mom this and stuff and she does her best but its like. i cant do that for every single thing yk

[lonelyplanetfag]

theres so much jealousy man thrres just so much of it

[marcus--666]

.

[nitw]

hello tumblr user nitw

i am a person who enjoys the game night in the woods very much. i am also a person who experiences similar dissociation/derealization/delusions/unreality stuffs (idk what it is i'm not about to get diagnosed) that mae does, and the ending of the game always triggers those stuffs for a few days afterwards. (i still come back and play even though it gives me psychic damage because that game is so Fuckjng good)

so. my question is. will i be hurt by echo vn? i know there's horror (i think?) but idk what kind of horror, i wanna go into it as blind as possible, is there like? unreality horror? mental illness horror? i think i will play it anyway, i just wanna be warned. is there like a list of trigger warnings somewhere

HI HI HI i'm honored you chose to reach out to me about this !!

to put it simply: yes, the whole echo franchise IS horror at its core and a big amount of that horror DOES stem from themes of dissociation, hallucination, and loss of identity.

the only reason i can really handle echo myself is due to the lack of traditional jumpscares. nothing's gonna make a super loud noise while a scary face launches at you or anything like that! but the writing and execution of it all is still terrifying.

the main character of echo in particular, chase, was traumatized as a kid and has been prone to dissociating and hallucinating since. he also frequently gets sleep paralysis doubled with extremely intense nightmares. as the game plays out mainly from chase's point of view, these episodes are described in very explicit detail, and often the visuals and audio of the game will change in subtle ways to match what he's experiencing. most of what makes echo scary is how good it is at making you feel like you ARE in chase's shoes, even something like an awkward confrontation with his friends can be sooooo uncomfortable because of how well it's written.

some parts of the story also delve deep into gaslighting and feeling like you can't trust yourself, that could definitely also fuck with some people.

honestly, from what you told me, this might not be the right game for you!!! there's a lot of other things to be said about echo's horror and generally sensitive content, but i think the rest just boils down to your own tastes in horror, which is a whole different conversation. PLEASE keep these things in mind if you consider checking out the game!!!!

[un-favoredprotag]

(WHY THE FUCK ARE THE OTHER ANONS FUCKJNG BEIMG WHATEVER THE RUCK?!?!?!?)

(Anyways anon who was giving the 3 papers is BACK IN BUSINESS!)

[ THE PAPERS SEEEM TO BE SOMETHING YOU CAN SIGN WITH CAUTION. THEY EXPLAIN SOMETHING OF THE SORTS, SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF GETTING A PLUSHIE OF A CERTAIN PERSON OR CERTAIN PEOPLE. IF YOU WERE TO SIGN IT A BOX WOULD HAVE A PLUSHIE OF ANYBODY YOU MIGHT BE THINKING OF! ]

[ SIGN THE PAPERS? ]

[ YES ] or [ NO ]

>[You, think for a moment about this....cautions always freak you out, So you dont decide to sign.....Maybe you'll think on it later.]

[definitelynotshouting]

helloooo friend :D !! tis i, bug anon

saw you weren't doing great from previous asks, hope whtever is happening gets better :(

my college searching thing is going a bit (?) better BUT i have major concerns about being discriminated about at the university my parents want me to go to which sucks :/

in other news, i accidentally told a customer "happy valentines gay! :)" and she was like "???? thanks ?" I WAS MORTIFIED DUDE

also! if you don't mind, could you tell me a bit abt your religion/who you worship? the only reason i would ask is bc i saw your prayer thing for jellie and had never heard of that god/goddess before (i believe she's from Egyptian mythology? idk) anyway if you dont feel like sharing, no worries :D

-🐛

HEY BUG ANON!!! :D thank u for the well-wishes, i really appreciate them a ton!! I hope the college searching goes better, it sounds real rough on your end :((( also AKSNAKDNKS HAPPY VALENTINES GAY....... THATS SO FUCKJNG FUNNY HELP MEEEE if someone said that to me while out and about i would be ecstatic truly KSNDWKNDKSNSJSNS

Sure, i can try and give a quick crash course in kemeticism if you're curious!! (As a general disclaimer to any OTHER kemetics who might see this, im gonna attempt to keep this very layman-friendly, so if i skip nuances in favour of simplifying stuff thats why. I'll leave some resources at the end of this post!)

Uhhh okay so kemetic paganism is a neopagan religion based off of ancient egyptian religious practices. There are a lot of different ways folks practice kemeticism-- such as reconstructionism (or recon; aka strict adherence to the rituals of antiquity), revivalism (adapting ancient rituals and practices into the modern era), and eclecticism (for the sake of simplicity, we'll say this is essentially taking several different practices from many other religions and combining them all into one personal practice). I fall somewhere between revivalism and eclecticism, mostly by virtue of also working with Hermes and Loki, though my practice is primarily kemetic in nature.

In short, i worship the ancient egyptian gods-- my patron, or a god whom i am particularly close with and mainly dedicated to, is the cat goddess Bast (also known as Bastet, although thats actually a mistranslation of her name). Bast is known by many epithets, but one translation of her name is "Lady of the Ointments"; its written with the hieroglyphs for a bas-jar (aka a perfume/ointment jar) and a loaf of bread (the "t" sound). She's a solar goddess associated with protection, is an Iryt Ra (Eye of Ra; Goddesses who protect and nurture the sun god Ra), and like many (and i do mean many) other kemetic gods, also holds ties to fertility. In the past she was depicted as a lioness, then later became associated with the domestic housecat, where she picked up additional ties to motherhood; she also began picking up attributes from close association with Het-hert (Hathor), which resulted in further associations with music, dancing, and the arts. She's often depicted holding an aegis (a collar-like necklace with a deity's head on it) and a sistrum (a musical rattle).

She's a very fierce but loving goddess whom i have been worshipping for the last 11 years :] i also work with other kemetic deities-- of my "personal quintet," as i like to joke, i work with Djehuty (Thoth), Sekhmet, and occasionally Sutekh (Set/Seth) and Heru-wer (Horus the Elder). And, ofc, from outside the kemetic pantheon i work with Hermes and Loki, who happens to be my other patron!!

Im very glad that my formal petition to Bast for Jellie has brought those who have seen it some much-needed comfort, and its nice that its also made some people curious about kemeticism!! If youve got any specific questions, feel free to drop me a line off anon or in dms! :] im always happy to chat!!

Some further reading if you're interested:

Per-Bast (a website dedicated to Bast that holds very good information and resources)

Kemetic Starter Guide

Kemetic FAQ

[cpulysses]

I dont think I ever poster my Whipped Cream Cookie obsession here bcs at the time I would "consistently" post I was also obsessed with We Happy Few but oh my DAYS!! HES GETTING A SKIN. HES GETTING STUFF HES GETTING SO MUCH FUCKKNG STUFF IM SO EXCITED!!! So I'm infodumping all here

OK first of all were starting from the beginning. when i was born anyways when I was like 13/14 or something around that age and on a bigggg road trip with only me and my dad, I was feeling super bored. Me and my friends just finished a roleplay we had so we were speaking in a groupchat and my boyfriend mentioned trying a Cookie Run roleplay! We all joined but I was the only one who stayed, everyone left immediately because their favorites were taken.

BUT NOT MINE!!! I really liked Whipped Cream Cookie, when I picked up the game again after a really long time I just looked at him and decided yeah that one and oh my god why did that like change the trajectory of my life. He wasnt taken and I knew jack shit about his lore, but I picked him up and later on Cyborg Cookie too

I wasn't... heh... known for my whipped cream..! 🤓! But I still really liked him, people liked how I wrote his dialogue, but I was cooking so well with Cyborg Cookie that theg were the main focus really, eventually I decided to connect the twos lore for fun! I knew like all of Cyborgs lore except for stuff with the future skins really, so I just interwove Whipped Cream as someone related to their past in a way where Cyborg makes that stupid pink egg Whipped Cream has, and Whipped Cream just kinda found it and was like this is FIRE! and Cyborg was like noooe :( Thats basically it shortly put but I had a lot of fun roleplaying the two and found my best friend ever while in that server and now were big and grown and :3!!!

But yeah, I basically ONLY have good memories with the character. I continued to grow to like HIM, when the server was sadly deleted I ocified him and Cyborg alongside other cookies, with my friend also taking them in as ocs as well. And I grew more attached to my ocified Cyborg cookie due to how different they were to the base, but my ocified Whipped Cream Cookie could never fucking take the wheel. I love him sure but canon Whipped Cream just always had a special spot for me, my friends literally told me they've never seen someone so infatuated with a character while barely posting about it online or anything (now here i am) or just in general so captured by a character, he was like my fucking mascot to my friends, they'd see ANYTHING with him in it and send it to me, to the point where I wouldn't be shocked if I've seen almost every fanmade and canon Whipped Cream cookie thing like in the world

And for part of that massive fixation I knew jack shit abt what lore he actually had 😭 I knew small things and then again all he really had was small things, but I didn't know all of it. Then randomly on his wiki page I was doomscrolling and found a link to an article all about him! Not an article just a long google doc, but thats where I learnt a bunch and could look into the Dessert Paradise and all the characters to know how each connect and know more about him and I was very joyous,,, I was content for SO LONG. Just knowing he was a fellow brownskin who loves ballet and pink, with my little headcanons. Now I knew real shit I felt like the man.

And now me, one of my friends, and my boyfriend are all ocifying some of the Dessert Paradise cookies that we see as family ^^ So like Sugar Swan, Wind Archer, Fig Cookie etc etc. I wish I knew who made that Whipped Cream Cookie document but if your out there just know you changed the trajectory of my autism for life. I won't say more I'm already rambling so much, but I love Whipped Cream with all my heart and this update has me so so excited because I've had dreams of being on my fuckjng death bed with one wish and wishing for an update about him. Its bad.

BUT!! I will draw him and my ocified version more to post here and on Twitter even if nobody gaf bcs i gaf. I love him so dearly I've grown with hum through time the span of like 4-5 years just because I randomly pointed to him and went that one!! And moved on. I could legit die happy now. Like my life is over this is my peak. My peak.

[prettyboykatsuki]

Bro this is random but I’m a stripper and at work today this bitch nearly got her shit rocked. I wa slike wtf im just trying to pretend these mfs is katsuki and move on. Anyways, hope your day/night is good. Im tired. I had too much alcohol and im waiting on my food to get done so I can eat and go home and fuckjng sleep bc ong. Katsuki outsold. If he was a strip club customer he’d throw $2000 without touching me and then sit and order me DoorDash wings while buying bottles of water for the drunk girls <3

anon!!!!! i feel like you've been in my inbox before or mayhaps there are multiple strippers on my acc. either way im always so excited to see u KSDKJFS

KATSUKI OUTSOLD UR SOOO RIGHT. he would be a great club owner you just know.... he is so polite and protective oh ill eat him up immediately. please be safe / careful cause these people r rlly crazy out here. love u !!!!

[mycomori]

i have a few things to get from the grocery store but what i really want so so so bad is a fuckin bowl or ramen or udon i need noodle soup like i need to breathe and like yeah i have kimchi noodles w me and i could soft boil some eggs to add to it an even make some tofu but all of that sounds so exhausting and i hate being in the kitchen in this place even tho i will say at least it looks surprisingly clean this morning so maybe i will cause j miss cooking and ive only really made r rice balls and chazuke since ive been here. i really wanna make fish. but also k really jsut what to be able to order full ramen with anything i want but im pretty sure the closest place is over an hour away now that the ramen place in town that was barely ever open anyways shut down for the winter. i fuckin miss philly dude. i miss my home i miss my friends. i know it’s a huge privledge as its not one ive always had but i miss all the good food i could get around me or even jsut the groceries and ingredients needed to make it. i had to order sushi rice online cause the grocery store here only has a shitty overpriced american brand that comes in a tiny ass container that’s like 9 fucking dollars and barely even makes me three cups of rice and literally the only other short grain rice they sell is for fucking risotto (i hate risotto) i can’t even get the milk i like without having to go tot he even more overpriced special natural foods store where it’s like 8 fuckjng dollars for a half gallon :) maybe ill drive to that ramen place just to get the fuck off this island. or maybe i’ll walk around town now that the tourists are finally leaving and see what’s even open anymore (as if half the places weren’t barely open even when the tourists were here). I can feel the bad shit setting in and i’m watching my stash of meds slowly decline with each day i wait to finally get i tot this fucking doctor so i can maybe beg them to please pescrieb me my meds so i don’t die and im just in so done with everything here rn. and i feel like not being able to smoke real weed on months might actually be killing me. im literally gonna have to go park and smoke in my car somewhere soon or im gonna off myself i stg

[yeticantfeelyou]

Me when every day I ignore the fact I am asexual 🤣🤣🤣👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻 I can never tell anyone because 🤣🤣 that is the sole purpose of them hanging around 🤣🤣🤣🤣 when I express the feeling of guilt and feelings of disgust of MYSELF ONLY they always tell me some bullshit about how "oh so ur disgusted with me?" THAT IS SUCH A SELFISH FUCKING IDEA!!!! ok my bad for the severe situations that reoccured from a young age time and time again that manifested the idea of needing to satisfy your wants because idk it was convinced into me that it is love 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I never feel loved Anyways during or after or before or ANYTHING!!!!

Idk why u could say u have feelings for me but then can't understand why I can't engage most of the time and I really to be honest I really hate doing that!!!! All I feel all the time constantly is if I'm not making you feel good then I'm worthless but I have been straight up denying or saying no and then I feel Even WORSE because then they're just like 😐😐😐 k sorry for having repeated repeated trauma and lifelong issues and ok just like FUCKJNG FJCKIGNGGGG FUCK FUCK FUCK

[werehound-tdick]

god. Fuck.

Talking to Steven and realising that he's gonna let me fuck him with a strap on Tuesday. We've talked about that a lot cos were both vers actually despite him always having been the jnitiating partner. I've wanted to fuck him since I laid eyes on him lmfao. Something about older guys who know what they like telling me what to do as I fuck them though. Hhhhhhh. He's still gonna take control and that's so hot. Like. Use me, sir. Get off on my strap without touching me hhhhhhhrhrhhh

Tuesday afternoon is gonna be. So good. I can't wait to make him hard just from fuckjng him. I can't wait to stroke his cock while I fuck him. Csnt wsit to hear him moan and say my name in that deep baritone voice,fuckckcckckc

Goddddddddddd I'm going insaneeeeeeee

Ive also. Been back on grindr after the borderline rapey (not in a cnc way but like. Literally rapey and stalkery, in a scary way) guy finally got banned and I've been chatting to a few nice folks :>

Until now I never realised how freeing an open relationship could be?? I can jsut. Do what I want. And ste is there when we want each other. When he has time to see me. When I have time to see him. Its nice. We're nothing serious but. Its still nice to have that constant.

Anyway yeah I can't wait to fuck him lmao

[mosspapi]

Vent post feel free to ignore me lmao (TW for long discussion of sh, blood mention)

Honestly I'm so upset with myself rn. Like. I knew I was being unrealistic by telling myself I'd be able to stay clean for the entire summer immediately after I was doing it every single day for 8 months straight. That just wasn't gonna happen and I knew that when I set the goal. But it felt like I needed to as a safety concern bcuz idk what will happen if I'm found out right. But once I did it here the first time and didn't immediately get caught and locked up my brain has decided to completely throw even Pretending to try to stay clean out the window and I know I can't keep getting away with this. And I don't Want to. I don't Like feeling like I'm lying and hiding things. I didn't care when I was away for uni, where nobody would ever know and I could do whatever I wanted without feeling guilty for it. And I'm pretty good with harm reduction, I know how to manage myself with it, and it didn't really feel out of control until March or April so I wasn't having much of a Real problem with it, at least for myself. I know I have a problem lmao but it wasn't Effecting me. But I can't do any of that here and I don't like how that feels. I already have several bloody tissues shoved into my backpack bcuz I can't get rid of them without getting caught and worrying people or getting sent away. And I know my family already has enough on their plates, they don't need to add this back into it all again. And what's worse is I think I'm worrying my dog, every morning after I do it she comes up to me and gets really fucking affectionate and she looks so concerned and it just makes me fucking sick. Like she doesn't know what's going on, all she knows is she can smell blood on me and that's a bad thing so I need help and since no one else is she's trying to help me. Even if it maybe isn't that deep in reality, that's how it feels. And it makes me sick that I'm doing that to her yknow. So I seriously need to get it the fuck together and at least make a fucking attempt at stopping. You'd think after being clean* for almost 6 years it wouldn't be hard to go back to being clean but my brain hasn't been right since the most recent strep I had, getting strep always makes me relapse bcuz of my stupid autoimmune disorder, but it never fucking went away after this time and I've never had this big of a sh problem before, even when I was at my worst. I've done it 10x as much in the last 8 months as I did in my entire life before then. Yes. I counted. And sure I've probably not done it nearly as much as other ppl, people who 'really' struggle with it, but if I were left on my own I know I'd hit those really high numbers within the year. And it's already 10x as much as what they were willing to institutionalize me for, so clearly it's not insignificant. Like I'm proud of myself for lasting as long as I have been in between sessions, I've consistently gone 4+ days without doing it and I'm proud of that, and I'm not even necessarily upset with myself for Doing it because I know that's not gonna help and I wasn't expecting to never do it, I'm just upset with myself for completely giving up on being clean for the summer entirely and am just doing it anyways. I'm upset that I've given up. That's really all it boils down to. And I'm not Trying to give up, but when my brain is given an inch it'll take a mile. But I'm not in a position to NOT give it that inch right now. Idk man it's just so fucking hard and I'm trying my best but I can't seem to fuckjng figure it out. Idk where I was going with any of this I'm just upset and frustrated and I need to start at least Trying again. Because I can't keep doing this. Not while I'm in this house.

[jadedrrose]

ooo i see i see and dw for smt go at ur own pace,, you might just rage with it if u play it yourself cause it's kinda hard lol

aoc IS A PREQU3L i didn't know it was!! OH MAN THE SCENES WITH THE CHAMPIONS 😭😭 I WISH I COULD PLAY IT i wanna play totk but. i cant since my switch is broken and if aoc is on that too then 🥰🥰🥰 yay.

i'm guessing it's in the same style? oh god that'd be even better i'm like ripping a present with each ask i send,, i really liked botw so stuff related to that does get me and yeah I'll definitely enjoy the fics because u alwasy deliver <3 sadly i don't have the time rn so tomorrow or tonight it shall be yayayay— and dayum its a 6 hours difference from here lol but same for me nighttime is always better

AND i just read the. thing about feeling nervous with the fictional crushes and s a m e i thought i was the only one YAHAHAHAHA then it goes away (for me at least) as if i knew them for really long lmao. though sometimes it comes back for some reason i feel it more with the images rather than the fics (depending on the fic,,)

Dude I hope you can fix your switch soon 😭 but yeah age of calamity is in the same art style as botw, and I don’t wanna spoil anything but you get to unlock almost every single “important” character and it’s just so fun!! I love playing as Impa (she’s young in this game) and Urbosa (and then obviously Sooga but you have to get the DLC for him). Oh and then each character has little mini mission things to level up their abilities/hearts (you just supply materials you get from playing missions) and each one has a little “story” with it and some of them are so fuckjng cute omg 😭 But whenever you’re able to play it PLEASE send me updates (especially whenever you see Sooga for the first time, even if you end up not liking him LMAO) I love seeing people react to things like this lol

Also dw about rushing to read anything!! The fics aren’t going anywhere lol

Also yes with the going away and coming back 😭 like it still hasn’t gone away with Sooga yet for me, but with Law it’s like. Never there anymore. However with Levi it did come back a few times even though it’s been… 8 ish ?? years since I started liking him lol. Actually now that I think abt it seeing videos of Law in universal Japan does it?? I think that’s just bc I know it’s a real person so it feels different lol

Anyway good luck fixing your switch, I hope you can play AOC and TOTK soon <3

[thisdogpaystaxes]

i want to write a post but i can't think of how to start it because i'm trying to prompt my brain it feels like and that's just now something i want to do

iype really fast to try to keep up with my thoughts but when i make typos i get so mad.

i'm at such a weird spot in my life right now, like i haven't really felt this way since like a year and a half ago. i'm really okay with wanting to be with someone, and this is something i understand i keep bringing it up, but this blog is also for myself for documentation. like this isn't just a shit post thought chamber for my beloved best friend crob, it is written proof of my thoughts so i can be better and learn.

back to me, i am really fucking high right now and my stomach hurts so bad. i am surprised by being emotionally available, so i need to document this. anyways. have not felt that way in a long time and it's really strange because i look at a lot of people and things d

OK OK NIOOOOOOO WHAT IA GOING ON UPSTAIRSSSSSS

the dog is fucjing doing insane liek they're slamming shit and it's so loud. maybe it's not the dog it might very well be the fucking weird ass family but it's wednesday so idk they're usually kinda tame rn?

i wish i lived alone a lot. i enjoy my solitude and i value it so extremely much. there was a point in my life, which was 9-20, where i did not allow myself to be alone. i was always just with people and devoting myself to others and fucking exhausting myself. i really have not been in tune with my existence like this and it feels warm and nice and i feel happy. i'm content with life.

and no you know what

i am fuckjng absolutely disgusted by the fact that people ruin songs. people ruin songs for me and it is such a sad feeling to once love something and then have some fucking queef rub their mittens on it. like i have to keep my shit secret from everyone because i have had those bad experiences, and not a lot obviously, but they've trauamtized me bc i rly loved those songs.

when i share music it's a very different thing for me and i don't like to send it a lot. like idk it can't be forced man i just have to think of u. and i sent my little girlie friend two songs and i know she hasn't listened and i am so offended 😁 like only her specifically coukd it offend

i have really good random songs scattered in my likes on spotify and i'm determined to pull them out and give them

proper love

there is a shadow person here ttyl