#IT’S 1:30am

[paludal-paws]

tenma tsukasa nails hair hips heels edit. enough said

[t0tally-n0t-3m0]

Yeah Jon having multiple eyes is cool, but have you considered that instead of eyes floating around his head he just looks like he’s on a shit ton of drugs

[ninyard]

me with 4 WIPs and half a dozen half finished ficlets: I should write the final moments of the fox v ravens match from Kevin’s perspective

[roeldraws]

mmn I’m gonna sleep now…. 💤

[suki-is-a-queen]

I might have a slight block blast problem ngl

[caroldantops]

i feel like vanessa LOVES boobs and loves torturing ur nipples

[filmbyjy]

you know what I realised about my two ult group?

ATEEZ are amazing bc they ATE. their name literally has ate in it like💅🏻💅🏻

ENHYPEN are fucking fantastic bc they HYPE shit up. LITERALLY IN THEIR NAME🧌🧌 TURN UP!!!

[rosicheeks]

-

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

My sleep schedule is deteriorating and I don’t. like it.

[19ndonboy]

these cunts are the reason we’ll never see taylor at the met gala again i hate them

[myanxietea]

Not gonna lie, first time I read this all I could focus on was CYCLE and I thought it was about biking.

[thesolarsyst3m]

Alright fuckers /pos

I’m going to bed

Gn!

Unless I can’t sleep. In which case I will be back

[why-the-heck-not]

the saturday-sunday night diabolical "life is falling apart"- to do list followed by a mad scramble

[novakiart]

gotta nurse the baby boy back to health, part i (next)

🕷️ written by me & nevi

[shortlttlginger]

You’re really not the person I remember being so close to.

I ran into an old co-worker of ours the other day and they asked if our group of three was still friends and gushed about how much they admired our friendship. I honestly answered “blank and I are still extremely close, but we don’t talk to blank anymore”

The conversation continued as normal with the usual “people drift apart.” And the conversation moved on.

I haven’t thought about you or it almost at all the last year until. But the conversation with this old coworker brought some old thoughts back. I mean, let’s be honest here first I haven’t seen us as friends in over 2 years and we haven’t talked in over a year. I had nothing to think about or feel about you anymore. I’d moved past all the upset, loss of a friend, and lies. And I stopped listening and asking more questions when mutual friends would give me unasked for updates on your life.

I had no reason to really care anymore. It sounds bitchy and rude, but, you’ve made it abundantly clear to everyone, especially me, that you gave two shits about “staying friends no matter what” and how you “could never lose our friendship”. The running away anytime my name was mentioned or I was around made it clear as day.

I quickly let all of it fizzle and die. I unfollowed you from all social media platforms that I regularly used. Have non committal responses when our mutual ‘friends’ brought you up. Threw out all memories from our friendship and relationship. And reminded myself of all the lies and how happy I was not dwelling in it.

And then I heard how poorly you treated someone you so regularly called your favorite human. How you stopped talking to them unless they said hi first. How they spent time and money building you a gift so you could stay in contact easier through your gaming hobby when they left for a new job, but use it to connect with everyone but them.

How heartbroken it made me to listen to them talk about it all. And hear how done and defeated they were. But also how pissed off they were because of how little their friendship meant. And slowly I started hearing similar stories from other mutual friends.

And I started falling back into old feelings from when we broke up. But I wasn’t mad, or sad, or angry for me this time. It was for everyone else.

I’ve moved past the fact that I’ve forever lost my best friend. That our promise to each other that wed still be friends was broken- towards the end from both sides. I still look fondly back on memories and miss it sometimes. But more and more it gets clouded with the lies, broken promises, and sadness. I have some blame in it. I could have Don better too. But now it’s more for other people then myself.

I guess this long winded rant has no purpose except to say I miss our tight-nit group of three. I miss having a strong connection. But after seeing how hurt others are, I’ve realized you’re not the person or friend I thought you were. And that’s not all on you. You may still be exactly who you were, but now the blinders are off, that I overlooked it all before. I’ve also changed and stopped lying to myself about how I should be treated. And so many more elements.

There will always be a part of me that wants our friendship and connection back. Nothing more just to have my best friend again. But I know it will never happen. I’ve moved past the anger and sadness of losing it all. I was tired of putting in all my effort, even if it seemed limited. It was all I could give while still protecting myself, and I’m glad I did. Cause if I hadn’t, who knows what would have happened when a mutual friend accidentally let it slip that 2 weeks after we broke up you were on tinder and already moved on with somebody else. It hurt but solidified that it wasn’t worth caring or putting in the small effort anymore. It proved all the lies and empty promises were just that. It may still fuck with my trust in nee relationships and opening up to others, but I’ve moved past the anger of it.

I’ve moved past almost all of it. There’s still that small voice in my head with new relationships that says “protect yourself better this time”. But the sadness and anger are gone between us. But I don’t think I’ll ever move past how much you’ve hurt your “favorite person in the world” and other friends.

It may seem like I’m contradicting myself with writing this. But as always for me, writing my feelings out and removing them from my anxious brain is the final nail in the coffin for me. I know you’ll never see this, but pretending you will and getting it all out means I can finally wash my hands of all this.

[lonely-journal-keeper]

Having hypotension is weird for me bc like I’ve never actually fainted but I have had extremely low blood pressure to the point where I could’ve fainted. For example the normal baseline blood pressure is 120/80, and the definition of low blood pressure is anything below 90/60. My blood pressure baseline is a little less than 110/70 and when it drops it’s gotten as low as 92/46 which has a very low diastolic blood pressure.

Also I get so anxious when my blood pressure drops that’s honestly a bigger issue than anything else