#WHY am i posting this at 1:30AM

[novakiart]

gotta nurse the baby boy back to health, part i (next)

🕷️ written by me & nevi

[goopyknife]

going backwards through my art folder, this is my FIRST bg3 fanart

[lemon-russ]

Why am I not a Vulkan fanblog actually, I'm literally dragon flavor autism. And I'm obsessed with drawing skeletal dragons.

This thing literally lives on my TV his name is Vaal Hazak

I need to get weirder about giant warm dragon man

[theofficialpresidentoftheusa]

Gentle domestic boys and soft mornings

[imwritesometimes]

things that are beyond fucked up: I have a snippet of dialogue so good I thought of it last night before I fell asleep and I still remember it tonight even though I didn't write it down and yet still no desire to actually write

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

Exciting kitten update!

So I have been writing up kitten bios about each baby and my mom's been posting them on facebook to try and get them set to go to homes after we have them spayed/neutered. We have kept in touch with a few people who got our Bengals back in the day when we were a business and one of them is this very nice lady who got my sweet silver Bengal boy who I called Silverstream and she renamed Romeo because he was such a sweet lover boy. She was one of the first people I thought of who might want a kitten when we found out Maraly and Leeli were pregnant because she adored Silver-Romeo so much. She used to send me pictures and cards and presents in the mail because she was so grateful I'd taken care of her sweet boy! (I was like 10-11 at the time)

Anyway, she commented on Dustfinger's bio today saying she was really seriously considering getting him, even though she hadn't planned to get anymore Bengals... but she KNOWS how sweet our cats are and she knows they're loved and cared for and we are practically giving these cats away considering what a breeder with papers could charge for these babies (we're charging an adoption fee to cover spay/neuters and shots, $250 per kitten. If we had lineages and were still breeders we could charge $2,500 for these babies, easy.)

She messaged my mom tonight and said she wants Dustfinger! :D :D I'm so excited!! Because she LOVES Bengals and she took such good care of my boy Silverstream after she got him and I know she'll send updates and pictures! And I'm so happy because I have just fallen in love with all the babies and I'm gonna miss them terribly and Dustfinger really stole my heart with how sweet he's turned out. He started out so fightsy and terrified, and then as soon as his eyes and ears opened up he turned into the SWEETEST little guy and I'm ;-; :D :D so happy he's going to someone who will love and cherish him.

We do have three other kittens reserved- Maraly's three black babies (Inkheart, Sabine and Prince) are going to the same home! Their new mama got to meet them when they got their shots and she was planning to only get Prince and Sabine but when she met Inkheart... she couldn't split them up. She's a sweet girl who works at a local bakery my mom gets us scones from and she has a cat named Gimli already so I automatically like her more just from that. xD So we'll get to hear about those three babies' antics too!

^The older babies from when they went to get their shots a couple weeks ago. Leeli's babies get their shots tomorrow!

Bonus: Ellie's reaction to discovering a Car Window

[dear-ao3]

well good day to all of you. i have a tale. a classified, certified absolute god tier disaster of a tale.

at the ripe hour of 6:45 am i was awoken from my slumber by a Noise. what sort of noise? you might be asking.

the sort of noise that usually accompanies my father getting up at the ass crack of dawn and trying not to turn on the tap loudly so that he doesnt wake us up.

for one blissful moment i thought that i was at home, in my bed, and all was right with the world.

and then i remembered that i live approximately four hours away from my parents and all is not right with the world.

so i did what any person would do. waited for the noise to go away.

but it did not.

so i investigated. in all my bleary eyed glory.

and found that my bathroom ceiling light was pissing.

not just a little either.

a severe, unauthorized amount of water was streaming out of my bathroom light fixture.

so after banging on katyas door and finding a bucket and throwing on a sweatshirt i dragged my tired ass down to the front desk and reported the tea as it were.

now one thing you need to know about our building is that it is old. the second thing you need to know about our building is that the maitenance guys (we call them the boys) are absolutely incredible, like tumblr funny guy posts but irl, however they take for fucking ever to respond to any situation.

this time though, nothing was in clear danger of exploding or lighting on fire. so we made some breakfast. drank some coffee. watched the bucket that we had put in the bathroom fill up with water. and we waited.

and waited.

and waited some more.

then i noticed that if you stepped on some of our kitchen floor tiles they started squelching.

so back downstairs i went and explained the tea as it were once again.

and let it be known, that i worked for two very solid and very miserable years as a resident assistant in college. i know all about the woes of people complaining to you to fix things that you cannot fix and you cannot tell them when it will be fixed because the person who needs to do the fixing is otherwise indisposed. so my general attitude towards this whole situation was "hey man you can't make this better for me and im really not pressed about it as long as someone eventually comes and sorts out my pissing ceiling." which is a great attitude to have in this general situation. and especially so because it was about to get even more strange.

at approximately 9:30am our apartment was graced by the presence of one of the boys. the maintenance man. we will call him james.

we have encountered james before. he delt with our fuse box nearly exploding. that situation was not nearly as chill as this one was.

hes also incredible.

so he comes in and he goes "hey how's it going" and i say "well you know things are just leaking!"

he proceeds to tell us that the fridge in the apartment above us had a connection pipe that froze and exploded some how and that managed to leak all into our apartment. not nearly what i was expecting but hey! at least they know what's going on!

we tell him about the squelching tiles and he says that he will bring us a dehumidifier after he turns off the water and deals with the mess of the fridge above us. we say ok great! this is wonderful!

and he goes to leave the apartment. out of habit i had locked the door when he entered. he goes "aw man did you lock me in?"

and i say

"oh sorry!"

and he pauses.

and he looks at our door in disbelief. perhaps even utter horror.

and this, my lovely audience, is what he was looking at:

surprisingly. he was not staring at the entertainment for man and horse plaque that katya and i found while thrifting. nay. he was staring at the unfortunate combination of the printed photo of lando norris and max verstappens face.

now why are lando norris and ax verstappen on the back of my door? you might be asking. you might even be asking who they are.

and if youve been following the lore of this blog, you might recognize them as formula 1 drivers. lando norris of course being a mclaren driver and max verstappen being the reigning world champion of team red bull.

and how did they wind up on my door? well at christmas katya thought it would be funny to put a picture of lando norris on top of our christmas tree and so we got one printed at cvs but when you get wallet sized photos printed they print you four of them so we ended up with four of the same photo of lando. one went on the tree, one went to my sister, one is in our bathroom and now one is on the back of our door.

as for max. well. katyas partner drinks red bull and he was on the red bull box so we cut him out and stuck him there. neither of us are particularly big max fans, it was just funny.

but anyway. i digress.

james is standing there staring at this array of perplexing stuff and goes.

"really? him??"

and i go

"yeah..." not knowing what else to say.

and james turns. and he looks at us. and he goes. and i shit you the absolute fuck not.

"now what's wrong with lewis hamilton???"

(sir lewis hamilton being the mercedes f1 driver, 7 time world champion and absolute icon)

and katya and i go

"oh no no! we love lewis hamilton! we just respect him too much to put him on the door!"

which is true

and james goes "now what did you think of him going to ferrari?"

and i say "i thought it was an interesting choice"

and katya says "i was surprised."

and james says "you and me both" and then he shuts the door behind him.

katya and i look at eachother. and we both fall to the floor in fits of laughter.

let it be known that james has come face to face with a giant tapestry of mr worldwide mr 305 pitbull himself that is in our bathroom, on several occasions, and yet, he chooses to comment on our choice of formula 1 driver that is taped to the back of our door.

im still in a state of disbelief. my ceiling is still pissing. my floor is still squelching. and my maintenance man felt the need to call our my choice of formula 1 driver at 9:30 on a saturday morning.

[sofa-king-lame]

Snippet of the 5+1 companion fic for 'When You Use Your Lips They Better Be On Me'

It's 5 times Eddie's plans to propose fell through and the 1 time they didn't (I'll figure out a better way to word it before I post it I promise, it's 2:30am and I am shattered).

--

“Are you nervous?” Christopher whispers while Eddie listens to Buck rummage around in the bedroom. 

“Nah,” Eddie tells him with a smile. And he’s really not – he’s honestly never been more certain of anything in his life. This time tomorrow he’ll be watching his fiancé cook dinner with their kid offering commentary on Buck’s music choice (it’s not often polite). 

“Me either,” says Chris with a shrug. “It’s Buck.” 

“Exactly,” Eddie agrees. “It’s Buck.” 

“Oh, and I still don’t see why I need Aunt Maddie to babysit me,” Chris complains loudly when they hear Buck coming back to the kitchen. Eddie had (somewhat reluctantly) started allowing Christopher to stay home alone if they had an overnight shift that ended early enough for Buck and Eddie (or just one of them depending on the schedule) to get home in time to take him to school. Tonight would usually have been one of those nights, but Eddie had needed an excuse for someone to be with Chris for emotional support (Chris had argued this, but had also teared up when Eddie told him the whole plan, so). Maddie had called Buck and said that Jee was driving her crazy, and would Chris like to play with her and have a sleepover? 

“Christoper,” Eddie sighs. Eddie had asked Chris to complain a little in front of Buck to really sell it, but Chris had taken that to mean start a fake argument with Eddie every time they crossed paths. The fake arguments quickly became more exhausting than any real one. 

“Sorry. Okay,” Chris mumbles as Buck plops Eddie’s phone charger down in front of him. 

“Wow that’s the shortest version of that argument I’ve heard all day,” Buck laughs. “Jee loves you so much, Chris. Thank-you for helping Maddie with her tonight.” 

“It’s ok,” Chris shrugs, though Eddie knows he’s thrilled. Buck ruffles Chris’ hair and heads into the living room to say goodbye to Maddie and Jee.

--

Tags below the cut! If you want to be added or removed please let me know 😊

@playinginthunderstorms @inbucksbusiness @elvensorceress @singitforthegirls @sonofatoasterwaffle @crose84 @wrongfulruffian @carolinahope @heartsfromeden @shealwaysreads @lookforanewangle @eddiedisasterdiaz

[house-of-cards-and-crime]

it's 1 in the morning, i have watched about 8 hours worth of hermitcraft content in the past 5 days, and i'm almost caught up! so it's everyone's favourite time: hermitstats!!! (i'm so tired)

the oldest video on the playlist is Smallishbeans ep.28 from August 29th, putting me at just under two weeks behind! the whole playlist is 7 videos long, and 3.75hrs(!!!)

now for the episode stats, as usual in no particular order!

Joel: 2 videos (ep.28-29), 43 minutes Etho: 1 video (ep.10), 58 minutes (why) Scar: 2 videos (ep.24-25), 53 minutes Grian: 1 video (ep.25), 43 minutes Mumbo: 1 video (ep.27), 26 minutes Tango: 0 videos (he's on here because he's on my list of POVs too)

commentary and rambling underneath the cut as per usual. there's like 5 paragraphs down there i apologize in advance, i'm tired and rambly

fucking. etho ethoslab why are your videos so SPARSE and so LONG. don't get me wrong i love his videos he's one of my favourite POVs but also. man.

also i am SO CLOSE TO CAUGHT UP i went from over 2 months behind to less than 2 weeks behind in the span of 5 days. i'm back on the grind. look at me go. i'm gonna get caught up this time i promise you and then we get to the FUN stat tallying for seasonwide shit (talked about that in this post)

i think the last time i was entirely caught up was literally in like march which is fun so i'm looking forward to actually knowing what people are talking about on this hellsite any of the ever

also i need a more standardized format for these posts. they're so all over the place good gods man

also also, hi, if anyone has suggestions for the statblocks please feel free to share, i already have ideas but i'm curious what people would want to see. i'll make a proper post about that at Some point idk man

okay by the time i'm done with this it's like 1:30am so it's time to send this post into the aether thank you for reading

[riacte]

Space Opera AU dashboard simulator 2 (but there's plot if you squint) (probably worse than its predecessor)

🚀 renthepilot

HAPPY BITRHDAY TO ME!! I TURN 7!!! :D :D :D <3 <3 <3 RD

❤️ falsewell

Happy 7th birthday Ren! :)

🚀 renthepilot

Thank u FalsE!!!!!! :DDDDDD >.< RD

🍵 cinnamontea Follow

... Why is my 17yo ET1blr mutual talking to a 7yo on Sunblr. I came here for analysis posts but apparently she's babysitting her cousin or perhaps a strangely intelligent dog??

❤️ falsewell

I mean, I would be worried if a 7yo was piloting the glider I race in 🤨

🍵 cinnamontea Follow

WDYM THAT GUY IS YOUR RACE PARTNER? OMFG I AM SO SORRY

🍀 et1vision Follow

Chat do you remember when we found RK and QoH's Sunblr accounts from when they weren't famous and were just two kids in illegal races. Because it was hysterical. Hands up if you thought falsewell was someone's canon url and not QoH herself.

🪓 handoftheking

That interaction was pretty cute to be honest. Ren's still 7 the last I checked.

🪸 hoes4redking Follow

[deep sigh] littlewood at the scene of the crime as always

#WHYYYYYYY is he chronically online #he needs to be stopped and locked up #i bet he scrolls through the treebark tag every day #he knows Too Much #do you think he brings up sunblr during dinner #and etho and bigb look at him like hes insane

7,207 notes

🔥 yaoihell Follow

save me queen of hearts

🔥 yaoihell Follow

queen of hearts

🔥 yaoihell Follow

queen of hearts save me

🏐 apollos-dodgeball 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀 Follow

Congratulations on the prophecy!

[Beep boop, this is a gimmick blog!]

🔥 yaoihell Follow

what the actual fuck.

🌼 fast-and-bifurious Follow

i think i hauve the plague

47,981 notes

🫐 toxicblueberry Follow

hi babes the demons in my head won so new fic!!

i'm your biggest fan, i'll follow you until you love me, pa-pa paparazzi

pairing: the red king x blue stalker (they/them) (exterra 1 rpf)

summary: why are you as a bounty hunter so intent on hunting ren down? what do you want to do with him? pin him against a wall and kiss him until he's breathless and melting like putty in your hands?

word count: 10.1k

tags: enemies to lovers, angst, hurt no comfort, whump, ust, no actual smut, making out, blood, slight knifeplay, submissive rk, open ending

Keep reading

🏹 queenofheartsfanclub Follow

Listen, I don't do RPF, I can handle Treebark (because I have eyes), but this is crossing a line. Especially after the accusations by RK. I think his evidence is pretty compelling.

🫐 toxicblueberry Follow

dead dove do not eat. i am aware this is a fucked up dynamic but it's fictional. it's not like the real blue stalker has a toxic codependent attraction to the guy they're assigned to kill (btw i mained qoh so i completely understand where you're coming from)

🫐 toxicblueberry Follow

oh.

🏹 queenofheartsfanclub Follow

hey

so do you wanna kiss before the haters get to you?

🫐 toxicblueberry Follow

of course. can we get married

#love can be found on the battlefield in more ways than one #fave post #annoying treebark fans fuck off!!!!!!

1109 notes

🌹 fyeahroseduo Follow

Coming out as a falsedog shipper is harder than coming out as gay

🦇 starshipspachelbel Follow

TEN YEARS????

Time is not real

🌃 nightpatrols Follow

I had vivid flashbacks. I feel faint. This post caused so much drama omfg. I need a treebark equivalent on my desk by 8am sharp next morning

🪓 handoftheking

Coming out as a Treebark shipper is harder than coming out as bi

🌃 nightpatrols Follow

WHAT THE FUFHUBFBFUOUOFFUCK

#HES IN OUR WALLS #HE STARTED THE SHIP #this is gonna sweep the next unhinged moment poll #??!?1!?!???!?!?! #HATE THIS LUMIAN GLOWY ASS #btw for non et1 mutuals: this man is literally bi #yeah hes really gay for his pilot. yeah we all know #theyre always holding hands and shit #edit: DID HE REBLOG THIS AT 7:30AM #IDK HOW PLANETZONES CONVERSATION WORKS #*conversion #listen i failed school 2 years in a row ok 😭

19,626 notes

🎵 daily-music Follow

Music video of the day is: R8cer Boi by Avril Lavigne!

🎵 daily-music Follow

who the fuck is renn dog

🎵 daily-music Follow

who has little wood

🎵 daily-music Follow

why are y'alls twink racers larping as royals from medieval era planet earth

🎵 daily-music Follow

sorry for calling the queen of hearts a twink. im sorry women

#im so done with yalls bullshit #who are these people #why do they show up in my tags

898 notes

[writingforfishes]

Otto and Atticus Lore 1: Mark's Hangover

The inspiration for this story came at the most inconvenient time. I was at work and as the images and sounds came to me, I had to fight hard to make it appear like I was actually present. The drive home was only successful because I had taken the way home so many times before as I was still stuck in the headspace. I mad-dashed this story when I got to my computer and ended up staying awake way too long to complete it. I edited it and changed it this morning.

This was NOT the story I was intending to create next! I hope it holds up tomorrow when I read over it after I've posted it!

I was also not intending on making a separate series on the lore of these two characters, but the asks in my inbox made me think about their pasts and inspired some deeper consideration on the plots and thoughts I already had in mind.

Disclaimers: This is a work of FANTASY. Otto and Atticus are such a good couple because I need them to be a good couple. This is not, for the most part, realistic. (Also, I don't even have a tambour style mantel clock, nor did anyone in my family.)

I don't know anyone who has a kink specifically for watching someone get aroused. If that kink does exist (or is just a normal way of people reacting), I'm completely unfamiliar with it and have created a possible fictional representation of a kink. Thus, any of Otto's thoughts are extrapolated from ideas I thought would be plausible. (I am very asexual.)

If anyone is familiar with the series Otto's character was based on, this is basically a rewrite of similar character dynamics. I give real-world reasons for the fantasy content in the series to have happened. I know nothing of police procedure or detective procedure.

I do not have alcoholism. I know a few people who are alcoholics, but I don't have personal experience with the feeling of being an alcoholic and the emotions that surround the disease. If I'm misrepresenting something here, I apologize.

CW (there will probably be quite a few in this one):

Representation of a hangover from an emotional drinking binge.

Allusion to Otto's past as an alcoholic and reflection as a recovering alcoholic.

Allusion to Otto's falling off the wagon at one point. (very brief)

Mention of Jana's addiction to prescription drugs and alcohol.

Mention of Jana and Mark's break up.

Uncomfortable hiccups that concern Otto.

Mention of throwing up and retching.

Hiccups that Otto thinks are suggestive of needing to throw up.

No depiction of emeto. Discussion of previous purge (very brief).

Verbal description of the sound of Mark's hiccups by Otto to Atticus.

Verbal description of Otto's hiccups from Atticus to Otto.

Arousal mention.

Arousal and follow through implication.

A small hiccup battle.

Otto being extremely patient and understanding.

Otto also being the Felix to Mark's Oscar.

I STG, children, just look up The Odd Couple.

Atticus being embarrassed.

Mark being embarrassed.

Otto being a well-adjusted bi.

Mark being a disaster straight.

Jana is not a bad person. I intend to prove this in future stories.

Alice is also not a bad person. Etc. Etc.

Realizing how much I do lean heavily in a masc cast. I don't know why that is. Ah well, it's my fantasy anyway.

Mention of Atticus' parents both no longer existing.

Long moments in the story where no hiccups occur.

Lots of exposition surrounding past events. (I know, I know. Show, don't tell. But I had a need to write it out.

Um, if there's other stuff please tell me?

Finally! The story!

It was 6:30am and Otto was just about to have his first cup of coffee for the day when he heard the stairs from the loft bed creaking with heavy, ambling footsteps. Otto watched with attentive curiosity as Mark lumbered into the kitchen in boxers and a white shirt.

“Hey HNGK’UH!…” the younger man muttered as he sat down heavily across from Otto and shielded his eyes from the lights.

Otto wordlessly got up, sitting his unsipped coffee on the table, and turned off the overhead light while drawing the shades of the small window over the sink to let in a softer natural light into the kitchen.

“HUNGK!”

Poor guy had a wicked case of hiccups, it sounded like, and Otto knew a bad case of hiccups. A few weeks ago, Mark had been on the witnessing side of a 5-hour case of hiccups to which Otto had been victim.

But Otto knew good and well this wasn’t just about a case of the hiccups. The hiccups were a consequence of Mark’s actions. Mark’s actions were a consequence of an exorbitant amount of alcohol had the night before at a bar after work. The alcohol binge was a consequence of the fact that the future life he’d been planning with Jana had been crumbling slowly around him after a whole bunch of unpleasantness and drama that proceeded the breakup.

Mark had been staying with Otto for a few months as Jana and his relationship started to disintegrate. Yesterday Mark had told Otto that Jana had come by the police station, where he worked, to retrieve the spare key to their previously shared house from him and give him some stuff that he’d found of his that she thought he might want back.

Otto figured the finality of it all probably hit Mark pretty hard when he got a call at around 1am. Mark was slurring into his phone so much Otto could barely understand him. He had Mark hand the phone to the bartender, and he was able to get the address and head over to retrieve the wayward detective. The bartender, consequentially, was Margie.

Margie did a very good job of taking care of Mark before Otto arrived. Otto was very appreciative of the gesture. She kept his friend safe. The next week he’d visit the bar again during the daytime and would be lucky enough for her to be working so he could give her more thanks. They would start to talk, and a friendship would form quickly, thereafter.

Like clockwork, a customary pun for a clock maker, Otto awoke at 6am despite the late night. He didn’t expect Mark to be awake until much later that day.

“Didn’t think you’d be up this early,” Otto said. He kept his voice soft and tried to minimize the sounds of his shuffling through cabinets. “How’re you holding up?”

“HNGK! I’m okay. Hiccups woke me. Could-HINGK!-couldn’t get back to sleep,” Mark replied in a hoarse voice just above a whisper.

Mark lifted his hand away from his face a little when he realized the lights weren’t as bright as they had seemed before. He squinted his dark blue eyes in Otto’s direction as he watched the taller man walk back and forth. He had to look away when he found himself getting dizzy while trying to follow Otto’s path. The dull ache of pain behind his eyes and sinuses made him squeeze his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

Mark wondered if Ralph would’ve been as respectful of his current condition as Otto seemed. Ralph would have, no doubt, treated his hangover with some humor. Maybe he would’ve spoken a little loud or turned on all the lights. Ralph might’ve been sensitive later to Mark’s plight, but his friend and work partner seemed the type to shock someone in his sad, hungover state with tough love.

Mark wondered if Otto might have had a little more experience with being in the detective’s similar situation than Ralph. Mark was not wrong in his thought process, impressive as it for his brain to have formed the thought in such a dehydrated and painful state.

Otto had taken the time, when he’d settled his friend down enough that he knew he wouldn’t wake and was safe from further purging, to silence all of the chimes and striking clocks he owned. Otto had, indeed, been in Mark’s shoes and physical state more times and to a greater degree than it was likely Mark had. One thing Otto remembered viscerally about those times is that he could’ve done with a little understanding and kindness despite the bad decisions that lead him to the consequences of his self-destructive behavior.

“Here,” Otto said as he sat a glass of orange-hued liquid beside Mark’s elbow. “It’s Emergen-C. Electrolytes and vitamins. You’re really dehydrated, man, and this is a quicker way to replenish that. Tastes like orange. This,” Otto held up a small pocket of wax paper folded over a small amount of powder, “is BC powder. Powdered Aspirin and caffeine. Quickest way to get some pain relief from that headache. You gonna puke? Those hiccups sound suspicious…”

Mark took a while to respond, his brain working on reserves with all of the pressure and pounding in his head. Right. The hiccups.

“Naw. Did all of that HNK!-that last night. HMGK! I always get these after a nigh-HNGK’M!-night like...like last night. Usually takes a HNK-UH! a while to stop. Nothing helps. Kinda like you-HNGK!-yours. Thanks,” Mark said as he took a swig of the glass. The Emergen-C’s light fizz felt refreshing even though the artificialness of the orange flavor was a little offensive.

Mark felt Otto’s warm hand on his shoulder before the older man crossed back to where he was sitting before.

Otto sat down and observed his friend’s pallor and slow movements. He had memories of his own struggles with hangovers. He also had memories of squelching those hangovers with more drinking. It was less ‘hair of the dog’ and more the whole damn canine. To be fair, it was an effective method for a while. Not really something that, Otto discovered, was sustainable.

“Yeah, just pour that powder in your mouth and wash it down really quick with the water. Trust me, you don’t want that taste to linger any longer than it has to,” Otto said as he watched Mark’s cautious handling of the wax paper.

Otto watched him make a face from the bitterness of the powder before the detective quickly gulped the Emergen-C flavored water as a chaser. Otto couldn’t help but give a little chuckle.

“You good?” the clock maker asked.

“Y-HUNGK!-Yeah. Ugh!” Mark exclaimed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“It’ll help, I promise. I know you feel like crap right now. No real shortcut to a hangover, man, but you can treat the symptoms. If you’re feeling like it, I can fix us both some breakfast after I finish my coffee,” Otto said.

“Thanks. That might b-HINGK!-might be good,” Mark said sheepishly. He jerked with another hiccup and tossed his head to clear his dark hair from in front of his eyes. He regretted the motion almost immediately as he winced.

Just as Otto was finally starting to take a sip of his still steaming coffee, Mark spoke up again and Otto met his tired eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Otto lowered the mug again, shaking his head.

“Dude, you don’t have anything to be sorry for,” he said with a sad smile. “Listen, man, you are going through some tough shit right now. I mean, I’m really glad Jana’s finally getting the treatment she needs. And you were a big part of that. And, well, you know, the whole malpractice lawsuit with that bitch blonde lawyer, Alice...whatshername moved that recovery along legally, but you were a part of it, too!”

Mark snorted at the cavalier summation Otto gave of his ex’s journey from addiction to almost losing her veterinarian license, to starting in a recovery program, to Jana realizing that she couldn’t hold up a relationship with Mark and recover at the same time. While he knew it wasn’t a personal attack, Mark couldn’t help but feel supreme grief in knowing that the person he fell in love with was going through something that, not only could he not help with, but that he was a hindrance in overcoming.

Not to mention he had purchased an engagement ring he had planned on unveiling at the right moment, which seemed perpetually postponed by upticks in crime and cases he couldn’t ignore. So, did he really blame her for not feeling safe in the relationship?

Otto was speaking again, and Mark looked up from his thoughts to listen. His body jolted again, and he was reminded that his hangover was still actively punishing him for his choices. The hiccups didn’t hurt, per se, but they were definitely hard, loud, and sounded pretty terrible.

“I mean, you know I’ve been in your place before. I mean, not exactly, but similar. No one would blame you for having a little self-destructive pity party. Just...not too many of them. Cause then you end up in the hospital 15-some-odd years later being told that your pancreas is on its last legs and one more drink could send you into a fatal situation. That’s...obviously specific to my experience, but you get it. Anyway, you got wasted cause you were grieving, and you asked your amazing friend who came to pick you up if he thought you were good-looking because for some reason none of the girls at the bar wanted to go home with the shit-faced drunk guy.

“And I meant what I said. You’re extremely hot and it’s so depressing that you’re completely so heterosexual. Like...painfully straight. Ugh!” Otto said, rolling his eyes dramatically.

Mark’s eyes had gotten so comically wide that Otto could see the bloodshot veins in the whites of them and the pink inflammation lining his eyelids.

“I HNGK-KUH!-I didn’t say all that, did I? HU’NGK!” Mark asked aghast as he rubbed his chest.

“You really did. Then you suggested we try being in a relationship because, and I quote, ‘you do guys sometimes, right?’ As if I haven’t explicitly told you my preferences. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered. But I just don’t think we’d make a good match.

“We have a dishwasher, Mark. We have a machine that does the dishes for us. In the kitchen. Next to the sink that has a garbage disposal. Why do we have piles of dirty dishes? Not to mention if I find your boxers in a load of my clothes one more time I...sneaky bastard. Like a thief except instead of stealing things you invade my loads of laundry, so you don’t have to do your own. Like that bird. What’s that bird? That bird who lays its eggs in the other bird’s nest and has them raise their babies, so they don’t have to? Fuck! Cuckoo bird! How the hell does a clock maker forget that?!” Otto exclaimed. “You’re like a damn laundry cuckoo bird forcing me to wash your underwear!”

Mark was having a struggle trying to coordinate his silent laughter with his forceful hiccups. His body jolted against the back of the chair again as Otto seemed to wind down.

“I swear, man H’UNGK!, I don’t remember any HNGK!-any of that. Seriously, I’m NGK!-I’m really sorry you had to deal with—ugh!” the silent hiccup thumped hard in his chest as it choked his words, “deal with me. Damn, these things are an-HNGK!-annoying!” Mark said, rubbing his chest again.

The detective did notice, though, that his headache had already started to fade. He still felt a little foggy and unsettled in his stomach, but he was already feeling better. He wasn’t sure it was Otto’s humorous distraction or the Emergen-C and BC powder. Perhaps it was a combination.

“You sure you’re good with the stomach stuff? Cause those things sound like little retches…” Otto said, still suspicious.

“Well, if you keep t-ANGK!-talking about the stomach stuff I might HNGK!-might start feeling sick, so…” Mark said, crossing his arms as he winced at another silent bodily jerk.

“Alright, alright. I’ll stop,” Otto said, holding up his hands.

“You’re not one t-HINGK!-to hiccup-shame. Mr. Five H-HUMPK!-Hours of Scary Ass Hiccups!” Mark exclaimed.

“Touché!” Otto said at the reference to the time the clock maker developed a case of hiccups that persisted for most of the day. When Mark suggested holding his breath, Otto’s body rejected the cure and gave him the fastest hiccups he’d ever had. Otto was sore for days after that night.

Otto finally touched his lips to his mug of coffee that was still quite warm. Mark chuckled before another hiccup hit him. As Otto swallowed, he gave his friend a questioning look.

“Ass hiccups,” Mark explained with a smirk. Otto would wonder later if Mark still wasn’t a little drunk.

Otto inhaled the coffee with a surprised laugh and started coughing violently. His coughing was interspersed with...well...hiccups.

“Shit! HUCK!” Otto exclaimed between coughing.

He looked up to find Mark covering his mouth, but mirth in his eyes, as he watched Otto’s struggles.

“No HNGK!-no way. Dude, do we seriously HNGKL!-have the hiccups at the same UNGK!-same time?” Mark guffawed.

“This is HULP!HMK!-this is all y-HMK!-your fault, man. HLMK! Dammit!” Otto said.

Mark just laughed again, another hard hiccup smacking into his chest and throat.

After a while, they both calmed down. For the next few minutes, it was quiet save for the call and response their hiccups played with each other. Otto continued to sip his coffee, stubborn to drink the warm beverage he was so looking forward to. Mark nursed the rest of the Emergen-C, energy that he had regained from before having dissipated as he stared into the residue on the inside of his glass.

Though Otto’s hiccups were still rapid they had decreased in strength while Mark’s stayed forceful and deep.

“HNGK!” Mark’s hiccups said.

“Hlp!Hip!” said Otto’s.

“HUNGK!…HMP’K!”

“Huck!-himp!mp!”

“HU’NGK!...UCK!...HMMNGK!”

“Huck!Huck’l!Hmpk!Mp!” Otto sighed at the fast cluster and patted his chest, muffling another hiccup behind his hand.

“Stop that!” Mark suddenly exclaimed.

Otto looked up from a paper he had begun to do the crossword on with confusion.

“You can’t t-HNGK!-tell me you’re not d-UMPK!-doing that on purpose,” Mark said.

Otto frowned, head jerking in more hiccups.

“You’re out hi-HILMK!-out hiccuping me. You’re doing one-HNGK!-one more hiccup each time,” Mark complained, grumpily sipping the last of his enhanced water. Most of it was, of course, put on. But he had genuinely wondered if somehow Otto was doing it on purpose, too.

Otto, for his part, had been oblivious to the hiccup war that Mark had been forging. But he smiled now, taking a haughty tone.

“Well…I am the hmpk!hip!-the sup—superior hic-hu’up!-hiccuper,” he said, battling through another cluster and putting a fist over his mouth as three more hit him in a row.

A beat past before they both erupted into giggling laughter at the ridiculousness. The laughter ended in both of them letting out a hiccup simultaneously, Mark’s “HINGK!” to Otto’s “Hi’ilp!” which sent them into another roll of laughter that perpetuated itself for a while before they both got tired and winded.

Otto’s hiccups ended before Mark’s and the detective ended up hiccuping for about an hour in total which left him feeling sore and tired. But Otto’s breakfast and subsequent lunch and pressuring his friend to drink more water helped Mark feel much better by the end of the day.

***

To be honest, Otto had been terrified that night when he got the call from Mark. Mark was a rational person who didn’t often let vices lead his actions. He had a very clear and logical leaning and seeing the man so out of character and destroyed shook Otto’s core. In addition, having to enter a bar again and seeing representations of himself in his worst times all around him being unnerving and unsettling in and of itself.

The main reason Mark and him had become the unlikely friends they were was due to a case of mistaken identity where Otto lived one street away from a man guilty of kidnapping and murder. Otto also fit the physical description of the man in question, which wasn’t much: a tall man with a beard and wild curly hair.

After Otto’s innocence was proven, he was still getting harassed by his neighbors who hadn’t gotten the news that the actual murderer had been caught and was being prosecuted. Otto had stormed into the police station with the dark-haired, blue-eyed detective in his sights. Before the police there could usher him out (forcefully) Mark stopped them and let Otto have his say.

Otto demanded that some representative of the police go around his neighborhood and clarify that Otto was, in fact, innocent. Additionally, someone had thrown a brick through his window, and he held Mark personally responsible for paying for said window’s replacement. Also, he hadn’t spent this many years getting his life back together as a recovering alcoholic to now be chased out of his home because of a crime he actually didn’t commit!

To Otto’s surprise, it was the lead detectives, Mark and his partner Ralph themselves who went around to every one of his neighbors and explained Otto’s innocence. They ended at Otto’s door with sincere apologies, especially Mark. He was, after all, the one who had tackled Otto to the front steps of his own house in the first place.

He was further surprised to see Mark at his door again a few days later. He gave him a check to reimburse the window and had another request for Otto. His girlfriend, he suspected, was abusing her prescription drugs and alcohol and did Otto know of any programs that could be of use. And could Otto, perhaps, be willing to help Mark understand some of what she was going through from a place of having gone through something similar? Mark didn’t understand addiction from a personal standpoint, and it was causing a rift between he and Jana that he feared was irreparable.

The request was incredibly personal and bordered on inappropriate and offensive, but something about Mark’s countenance endeared him to Otto. Otto could tell Mark was coming from a place of wanting to learn and though it was a heavy burden to share his vulnerability with a man who accused him from murder, he felt compelled to try and help.

So, Otto, who had been living a pretty secluded life up until that point, reticently decided to be of service to Mark’s questions. The friendship ended up being mutually beneficial. Otto hadn’t realized how his reclusive life had been gnawing at his mental health. It had gotten to the point where he was scared to do anything social for fear of losing control of his desires. Mark ended up being the soft introduction to an unexpectedly functional, safe friendship. It was something he’d never experienced before.

It took a while for Otto not to see Mark as some twenty-something cop made detective before they were mature enough to handle it when he couldn’t even handle his private life. And the clock maker was more than full of opinions about those facts that he didn’t at all hide from the detective during their friendship. But Otto’s gruffness was chipped away by Mark’s eagerness to learn and try to help his girlfriend, Jana. And perhaps if Mark had been more forward with Jana about that learning process and his intentions things might’ve ended differently. Finding out your boyfriend was talking about your most intimate personal struggles with a stranger was distressing and Jana was quickly losing trust in Mark and their relationship.

All said, Jana still remained part of their social circle throughout her recovery. And, of course, the story of the lawyer who led Jana’s prosecution which almost led to her losing her license and livelihood was a whole other story. Alice and Mark together. No one saw that coming.

***

Atticus continued to stroke and massage Otto’s scalp as he finished the recollection. Somehow, the clock maker’s head had ended up on Atticus’ lap while they both reclined in bed as he spoke. The writer often wondered if Otto was part dog with the way he’d flop on them at times and how much he appreciated his head massaged.

The story had started only because Atticus mentioned how they had a fantasy of Otto and another one of their friends having hiccups simultaneously. But, they were quick to caveat, if that actually happened, they wouldn’t know how they’d contain themselves. The fantasy was still a thought that gave them some arousal, though.

The fantasy reminded Otto of the one time both he and Mark had them simultaneously and his mouth ran away with the story.

“Wow. That definitely helps fill some gaps,” Atticus said. Learning more about the history of Otto’s friendships was enlightening.

Jana had moved a few hours away by the time Atticus had met Otto. She stopped by every now and then to reconnect, but Atty hadn’t been available for those sessions. After all this time, they still hadn’t met the person who’d, in many ways, triggered the events that led Otto to meeting them.

If Otto hadn’t been such good friends with Mark, and if Atticus hadn’t been a victim of a serial robbery in their old apartment complex, then Mark wouldn’t have known to suggest Otto to them after the thief had knocked an old clock Atticus had inherited from its shelf. That clock still existed and ran perfectly after Otto had repaired it. It was in the loft bedroom where Atty found themselves often to write or decompress. It was a tambour style mantel clock. Atty had it in their house growing up. Atticus didn’t even know which side of the family it was from. With both of their parents gone, they probably never would.

Clocks aside, Mark needing Otto’s guidance on Jana, in some twisted way, made it possible for Atticus and Otto to find each other. So, Atticus might owe Jana as much gratitude for them being together as Mark.

“Yeah, I forget you don’t know all of this stuff,” Otto admitted. Atticus seemed so integrated into his life that it didn’t occur to him to tell them how everyone connected.

All of Atticus’ friends were in their home state (or were relationships they’d made online). Once they’d moved, they had to make new connections. It just so happened, timewise, that Otto was one of those first connections.

“Mark was lucky to have you,” Atty said.

“Yeah, well, he saw me a lot worse than that later that year when I fell off the whole sobriety wagon. So…” Otto trailed off and seemed to snuggle his head further into the softness of Atticus’ thighs.

Atticus sighed. That story they’d heard. It wasn’t a pleasant one.

“You don’t have to do that,” they said. “Qualify your good deeds with having been more of a challenge to deal with at some other point in time. You’re a good person and you’re good at taking care of people. It’s okay to admit that.” Atticus scratched their short nails along the back of Otto’s head when they felt his neck tense.

“I know,” he finally said, breathing warmth onto Atticus’ legs in a huff. “I just wasn’t for so long...but...yeah, I know.”

“All I know is who I see, and who I see is amazing,” Atty said. They smiled as Otto turned on his back to look at them.

“Yeah, well, you’re pretty amazing, too,” Otto said, lips pulling back in a smile showing just a little bit of teeth, but it was a smile that met his eyes. “And that thing you said about not qualifying your positive traits? You’re gonna, like, do that too, right? Maybe give that one a place in the old self-talk dialogue?”

Otto’s finger reached up to tap Atticus’ temple as the writer glared at him.

“See? This is why I don’t give you compliments. Always got to turn them back on me. Like weaponized kindness. Smug bastard,” Atticus muttered.

Otto laughed.

“So what did they sound like?” Atty asked sheepishly.

“What?” Otto asked with a frown as he led one of Atticus’ hands to the middle of his chest and rubbed his hand over theirs. Atty had yet to figure out why Otto preferred their hand in that spot, but they felt honored, for some reason, to be led there.

“Mark’s…” they stuttered and stopped, then they tried again, “Mark’s hiccups.”

“Oh!” Otto said in understanding. Then he scrunched his brows again while thinking. Mark’s hiccups were so distinctive, and he was trying to figure out how to word the description accurately.

“They were kind of, um, gulpy? They seemed really powerful. Like each hiccup really rocked his body back. Um. Kind of wet, too? Not sure if that’s the right way to describe it, but it was like there was wetness in the back of his throat whenever he hiccuped that sort of...sounded...I dunno…” he struggled to find the word before he gave up and shrugged “...wet!”

“You said you kind of thought he was going to throw up at first?” Atticus asked.

“Well, I mean, yeah. But he didn’t. They were just really powerful and sort of...liquidy,” Otto said, still shaking his head with the inaccurate description.

“So, wet,” Atticus confirmed lamely.

“Yeah. Like the sound of someone who just drank something when they swallow. That sticky sound in the back of their throat, you know?”

“Oh yeah! Yeah, I know what you’re talking about! Okay...wow...actually that sounds kind of hot,” Atty said.

“Yeah?” Otto asked, grinning.

“Shaddup,” they responded grumpily.

“No, I think it’s cute. What do you like about mine?” Otto fished.

“You know, I like that yours are fast. As long as they don’t bother you too much.”

“Do I have any...hot sounding hiccups?” he asked. He was rubbing Atticus’ hand again.

“It’s just the variety,” Atticus said after a while. “Each hiccup is different. Each one is a surprise. I like when you muffle them and they get louder, and harder, and longer, one after the other, until you sound hoarse and have to open your mouth to let sharper ones out. I-I like what they do to your body. Gawd, Otto, your body moves with every hiccup. Your cute, soft belly jumps and jiggles so much and you do that thing where when your head is jerked back you blink like you’re surprised. And, just, the way you react, man. How you’re so casual with them but also trying to be considerate about them with other people or when you get a little annoyed that they’re interrupting you when you’re trying to say something it’s all just so...hot. Guh…”

Atticus could feel heat crawling up their neck in both arousal and embarrassment.

“Well damn,” Otto whispered.

“Sorry.”

“No, don’t be. I mean, when you say it like that, it does sound kind of hot,” Otto admitted. He put his fingers up to his mouth and started subconsciously nibbling at his cuticles in thought. “So, it’s not just hiccups but all the stuff around hiccups. I mean obviously it’s the body movements and the sound, but it’s more. It’s how I interact with my hiccups that’s some of what turns you on. The unexpectedness of them. Is it, maybe...Is it because I’m flustered by them?”

“Sometimes,” Atty admitted.

Otto nodded, squinting in more thought.

“I think...that’s sort of why I get turned on by seeing people aroused. They aren’t completely in control, so they just react without...being able to help it. And if they’re trying to hide it and I know it? That’s so hot. Seeing them interact with people and me knowing how hard they’re trying to keep control. Not exactly something we can ever roleplay, but it doesn’t take much when I notice that anyway. My favorite part is...well...watching them relieve the feeling. The myriad of emotion. Jeez. I dunno. My body just—and nothing else really triggers that arousal for me. Doesn’t matter how attractive someone is. It’s that. And I’m there in an instant,” Otto said.

“I can definitely understand that. Damn. It’s bedtime and I am so charged right now,” Atticus admitted.

“Me, too. You...you wanna watch one of those files I made for you? While-while I watch you?” Otto asked in a small voice.

Atticus gasped.

“Oh, gawd, can we? I didn’t even...I’ll get my ear buds. You probably don’t wanna hear yourself. Gawd, I want this so much!” Atty said.

That night as Atty watched the first video where Otto made his hiccups faster by holding his breath (recommended by Otto, himself) and Otto watched Atticus, the writer couldn’t be more grateful to Jana and Mark for their involvement in getting the two of them together. Never would Atticus had ever thought that a relationship could be this symbiotic and honest, that kindness battles were the worst of their spats, and that their most serious moments came from wanting to take care of each other and expressing their gratitude for each other.

[kime11e]

Happy New Year to anyone who follows me on Tumblr! I'm an Australian who lives in Sydney, and LOVES all things Michael Sheen. It's 1:30am 1/1/2024, and I'm not particularly keen on crowds and loud noises so that's why you'll find me typing up this blog instead of celebrating 2024 I confess that if you follow blogs like @ingravinoveritas or @problematicwelshman, I am the Aussie Anon who happened to see Michael Sheen everyday for an entire month at my work. I would share my observations on MS while he was in Sydney to rehearse and perform Amadeus. I also have a selfie to prove it:

Yes I am under the emoji. I also saw Amadeus 3 times. My last time Anna Lundberg was sitting right behind me, where my friend was game enough to speak to her where I didn't. ANYWAY what brings me here, right now, in this instant on New Years is due to a pretty petty and possibly inane thing that Anna repeatedly did while she was in Sydney, and something she posted just now. She uses the New Zealand flag when referring to anything related to her, and her family's time in Australia. New Years last year:

Also her current Insta Story!

Look, I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of backlash for this, people saying who cares!? However Anna, as someone who is in a relationship with Michael Sheen who is a fierce and proud Welshman, and is the mother of 2 of his children. She should be delicate about using the CORRECT flag that represents a country. ESPECIALLY when in the same breath she mentions an Australian icon which is the Sydney Opera House. The SOH has been the home of Australian Art, Innovation and in a massive way Indigenous Representation (albeit the SOH was designed by a Dutch person) I don't see any excuse for using the wrong flag when referring to Australia. Especially in a world when we're learning more about expression of identity. I don't care if she has baby brain, or thought that New Zealand and Australia were one and the same because they're "Down Under". Or she thinks the flags look the same (they really don't) Or she has no time! It's no excuse to not Educate yourself! Ask questions! Yes we make mistakes but when you're representing yourself and your famous partner, you ought to take care! Yes you're human, and you have emotions, fallacies, but c'mon! You're letting yourself down!

I don't respect the Australian past of colonialism, and I wouldn't expect New Zealand to respect the same. But this flag represents us today as separate nations. Also in no way was Amadeus a duel nation production. I know the producer that's why I was able to see the show 3 times. I am losing so much respect for Anna Lundberg and I try sometimes to give her the benefit of the doubt, because let's be honest she ain't in a loving relationship save for her children, and I think Michael respects her as a friend, and mother, so it can't be easy. But it really begs me to question, how long can he tolerate the lack of self awareness? Lack of awareness in anything but beyond her bubble!? If any one responds to this please be diplomatic and tactful.

[seannesruins]

ANATOMY OF A FALLOUT

This may seem like a sympathy begging post but so be it dahil Tumblr lang naman ang outlet ko haha.

I've been wanting to watch Anatomy of a Fall since its theatrical release last year. Unfortunately, SM Cinemas screened it for a week only and I was not able to catch it then. Next I heard it was screening in Cinema 76 in Morato but the screenings were mostly on weekdays and early timeslots on weekends, both not feasible given my work schedule. That's why when I heard that FDCP is screening it in Cinematheque, I knew this was my one and only chance to catch it on the big screen before it gets into a streaming service, or something.

I asked my girlfriend, of course, because we haven't had the chance to celebrate our monthsary yet. We agreed to watch it yesterday, and agreed to meet up around 2pm because I still have work in the morning, while she wanted to sleep in late because it was her rest day.

It started off okay. I arrived first and got our tickets, she arrived a few minutes later and we went to Robinson's Place Manila for a late lunch. We went to Timezone to kill some time until the movie starts. Everything was okay until the movie ended.

It was 7:30 and she said that she's hungry so we walked around Taft Avenue to find a place to eat but she refused ALL the fast food that we passed by so we walked towards Padre Faura (From Kalaw) to go back to Robinson's. After walking around the mall, she looked at me annoyingly and said

GF: "Maglalakad na lang ba tayo? Nagugutom na ko."

Me: "Ano bang gusto mo? Kasi ikaw yung gutom diba, bakit ako ang tinatanong mo?"

GF: "Wag na kumain, umuwi na tayo."

Then she proceeded to walk to the mall exit. I followed close by. When we got to Pedro Gil, she asked what jeep to take. Mind you, I am not that familiar with public transport because I'm used to having a driver around. I told her that we have to walk back to Taft to get a jeepney bound to EDSA

GF: "Lakad na naman, wala na tayong ginawa kundi maglakad."

Me: "Mag book ka na."

GF: "Bakit kailangan sumigaw?"

My voice may have been raised, but it was because the streets were filled with people and she's giving me that attitude in the middle of all that.

Me: "Puro ka reklamo, pagod din naman ako."

Then I proceeded to walk towards Taft, with her trailing behind. We went home in silence. She ignored me from 8 in the evening. Not a single fucking word. Usually when she gives me the silent treatment, I would try to fix things, but even then she wouldn't talk to me until I am at the edge of my emotions, not until I've begged and begged and have drowned in my tears. Last night was different. I tried really hard to keep it in. I sent her a message at 1:30am.

Gustong kumain pero walang mapiling kainan dahil wala akong self awareness???

Yes, I've been cheated on and I lost a part of me in that relationship. I have posted about it here a couple of times. And to share that vulnerable side of me, only to be used against me in an argument dahil hindi ko kayang hulaan na gutom sya. Dahil sa gutom nya naging kasalanan ko pang niloko ako.

Kasalanan ko rin na ginusto kong manood ng movie. After a heated exchange of conversation, she stopped responding. And that's what triggered me the most. How can she just leave in the middle of an argument??? I went to my room and asked her to leave at 3am.

She didn't move. She said inaantok na daw sya, and that's when I lost it. Feeling ko there was something that snapped in me. Hindi ko deserve yung ganitong basura treatment. To not be heard, to not be reassured. Mas important yung gutom at antok nya sa buong relationship namin??? I started screaming until she gets up. I never have ever done that to anyone in my entire life. No one has pushed me to that limit before. But she was not done yet. She took her time packing her things while I am screaming for her to leave, even at the end, she couldn't adjust for me. She even asked me to lock the main door behind her. Have my tear strained face not evident of the emotional pain she has caused me already??? Hindi nya talaga kayang ako naman ang intindihin? That I want her gone that instant.

Ang babaw. Ang babaw but she refused to fix things before it reached this point. I am so tired emotionally. And the worst thing is that she never acknowledged her faults without arguing about it first. I never got an apology without BEGGING for it. And in her mind ako pa rin ang mali, ako pa rin ang may kasalanan. And we can only fix things if I apologize. This time I want to give myself the validation na hindi ako ang may mali.

[iantimony]

tue … wednesday,

gif warning on this one!

i was gonna post this last night but apparently i am now the type of person who gets extreme digestive distress from indian food :-( so i was too distracted by my agonies. much better today, and i feel like i had a worse reaction a few weeks ago from indian food, so maybe it's something that will get better with time like everything else ...

listening: so my brother spontaneously bought us tickets to see st vincent in [redacted] while we're on vacation...i haven't listened to her in ages but i was like sure why not...her new album dropped on the 26th and it's SO good. i'm kinda obsessed and very excited to see her live now. it's a good album. listen to it.

listened/watched the wtyp on five over ones, and started the more recent one on the camp fire.

reading: continuing 'how to read poetry like a professor'. yum. poetry.

watching: once again, dunmeshi (my boyf keeps asking "when is best girl showing up" (izutsumi) and i finally was able to be like "i think next episode"), more asobi asobase. insane show. the voice actors are masters of their craft, truly. good lord.

playing: fallow.

making: some stuff came out of the kiln that i actually like! the cave painting mugs!!! i made One fatal error - i put a 'satin' topper over the outside assuming it would be matte. it. kinda isn't? kinda is? made these weird "jizzy" (instructor's words, not mine, lol) streaks. thankfully it isn't too noticeable and they came out really good otherwise. the hardest part has been photographing them, the designs go all the way around and choosing a favorite is so hard...i made a gif to try and capture it all lol, and i really love the little handprints on the handles. these will go in their own post in the next few days so i can tag the inspiring artist :)

i also threw some new ones to make more! i do think in the future i will be handbuilding them though. i just really don't like throwing red clay for some reason. maybe i just need to practice more i dunno. i've since trimmed and put handles on these but i forgor to take a photo.

citrus juicer! it works!! it came out a little more Orange than i anticipated, the only downsides are manually scooping out the seeds, and also that it can kinda only handle one fruit at a time, but man, whatever, it's so cute.

mug/teacup that i tried a new underglaze technique on, where i put the flowers on the greenware and then use liquid latex to cover them to just slather the thing in the bg color: works well, i did this for the mug from last week too! my mistake with this one was putting that same jizzy satin overglaze on the flowers and it made them weird and blurry. it's cute otherwise though.

some stuff going in the kiln for bisque: fun texture bowl and a little trinket dish that i underglazed some cherry blossom trees on, inspired by something a friend in class did!

in terms of new things, today is actually the last day of class for me til i get back in july, so i will be trimming a pot and plate that i made last week but will otherwise just work on things i already have! the goal is just to leave things in a place where no extra clay work needs to be done; things can be left as greenware til i get back.

i also made some little watercolor palettes! for some reason the last one i made i didn't carve out material, i just sort of pressed in, and this made the whole thing a little wonky, so i'm hoping these will lay flat because i carved material out

eating: nothing of crazy note. made deb smittenkitchen's soy glazed chicken again because it whips ass.

misc: wough...fucked up day......butter chicken for dinner knocked me for a major loop last night and i wasn't able to sleep til like 1:30am from the Agonies, woke up to feed the cats and then went right back to bed...didn't get up til noon...but now i feel loads better so i might try to do some light exercise this afternoon before pottery, otherwise sleeping tonight is gonna be a nightmare lol. the goal for the afternoon is to submit my last thing for classes (takehome exam, it's not bad i just have to finish it up, and then i officially finished my masters degree (!!!)) and then do a little more for my meeting tomorrow morning. this time next week my brother will be here with me, and that following weekend we drive home together, so everything is about to happen very fast! i'm not gonna be home for as long this summer, and won't just be rotting in my room the whole time, so hopefully things will go much more smoothly mental health wise. fingers crossed! things are looking up! :)

[serpens-the-puppetmaster]

I don’t know why I’m doing, but it feels like it needs mentioning. To anyone wondering about the potentially slightly off reblogs I’ve made over the past three hours—I’m fine and I’m sorry if I worried you. I’m just partially braindead(Not literally, that’s just what I call it when I’m super tired and cannot think properly), is all.

Okay, unnecessary context time. I took a nap at like 7pm yesterday because I was tired and I was expecting to wake up around 9-ish so I could take my meds(That I need to sleep, among other things) and go to bed properly. I instead woke up at 1:30am confined to my bed because I had a nightmare that a Huntsman Spider had attacked and bitten me and my little brother.

I know, a grown woman having a nightmare? Blasphemy, am I right?

Anyways, I refused to go back to sleep so I confided in my friend’s Tumblr, then Tumblr itself. It took me an hour before a thought had crossed my mind and forced me out of bed by sheer curiosity. I had forgotten to take my meds. Yes, I only remembered at that moment. Yes, I have since taken them.

It’s been 2 hours since then and I don’t think Tumblr is helping me to fall asleep at all. I feel a lot better now because I’ve got my cat laying here with me, so I think I’m going to call it and try to go to sleep by wholesomely daydreaming about my beans. It genuinely works sometimes.

I’m probably not gonna remember posting this in the morning. I wonder what my future self will think of this…

[bluekittyworld]

There is Karma [Chapter 2]

Masterlist

Chapter 1, Chapter 3

It had been a few days since your volunteering, you were in group chat with the rest of the volunteers, you clicked on Yoongi’s picture and added his number to your contacts. You have been seriously considering messaging him, but you don’t want to seem crazy, and if you do message him, what will you even say? Things are getting busy at work as the fiscal year is coming to an end, you decide it’s best not to say anything for now. 

Ding

You heard your phone, but you were in an online meeting with your stakeholders from Japan, you couldn’t check your phone immediately.

Ding

Ding

Ding

Ding

You were curious who was sending you all these messages, nobody messaged you like this. The meeting had another 5 minutes, you thanked God that the Japanese were strict on time, meaning this meeting will actually end in 5 minutes.

Finally, you had the chance to check your phone.

You have been added to a group chat.

You saw that Sora had made a separate group chat from the main chat, with you, Yoongi, Yeonjun and herself.

Sora: So guys, I made this chat, maybe we can volunteer again as a team, there’s many opportunities posted on the main chat, let me know if anything interests anyone

‘Yeonjun Set the name of the group chat to Dream Team ☆’

Yoongi: Sure.

Yeonjun: How about we all volunteer at the Hope orphanage this coming Sunday?

Nobody had responded, Sunday was one of your free days.

You: Yes, sounds great, what time?

Yeonjun: Awesome, 11:30am

Yeonjun: Sora? Yoongi?

You could see double blue ticks on your message, Yoongi had read it, why wasn’t he replying, you were starting to feel a little anxious, hoping he would agree.

Sora: Yes, I’ll see you guys there!!! Sooo excited!!

You felt a little relaxed, your new friend Sora will be there at least, you reacted with a thumbs up on her message and put your phone down to focus on your work.

 A few hours had passed, it was almost 6pm, you normally left work around 6:30pm, since you were feeling a little peckish you decided to leave a little earlier, to grab something to eat before you called it a day.

You opened the group chat, still no response from Yoongi. Just then as on cue:

Yoongi: I am busy in the morning, but I can join at 12:30pm.

A smile plastered your face as you were exiting your office building.

Finally it was D-day, you’ll get to see Yoongi today. You got dressed in mid-length pale pink pleated skirt, a white shirt, white trainers and a pale pink cardigan, it was a little chilly today. You did your hair and makeup, then messaged Sora that you are on your way.

When you arrived, Sora was already in the parking lot.

“_____! You’re here! Yeonjun is going to be little late, we’ll go first?”

You exchanged your greetings, it was nice to always see Sora being cheerful, you never really had friend like her, she was sweet, kind, and genuine. On the contrary, you were never genuine, you didn’t care about others in the past, you used to be self-centred hence having no friendships for many years until you met Sora.

You were preparing a snacks table for the children; Sora was decorating the room with bunting and balloons.

“Do you like Yoongi?” she asked out of the blue.

You almost chocked on air, eyes wide, like a deer caught in headlights. Sora chuckled at your reaction, wiggling her eyebrows, expecting an answer.

“Umm, I do find him interesting, is it that obvious?” you tamely asked.

She laughed, “Of course not, I just had a feeling, I specifically made the group chat to bring you guys closer, you guys look so cute together, even Yeonjun thinks the same!”

You were flabbergasted and giddy at the same time, unable to contain your smile.

Sora patted your back and winked, “I’ll be your cupid, don’t you worry _____.”

It was now 12pm Yeonjun had just arrived and got to work, he kept the children entertained with his storytelling, as you and Sora made some final touches.

It was 12:20pm, you heard the door open and saw Yoongi walk in, instinctively you smiled and waved at him, he smiled back with a wink, making your heart skip a beat.

Yeonjun’s story had ended, the children were quietly sat in the library room, Yoongi asked them to follow his instruction, and surprisingly they were listening, he led them to the room where you and Sora had prepared the snacks and decorations. It was heart-warming to see them smile jumping around in excitement. They enjoyed the snacks as the 4 of you and the 2 caretakers helped to serve snack and drinks to them. After the children were done, some of them had made a little mess, Yoongi swiftly grabbed tissues and wet wipes, cleaning them, you joined in to help.

It was nice spending the afternoon with the children, you could see that multiple times Yeonjun and Sora purposely put you and Yoongi together to complete tasks, not that you minded, it was just so funny that being adults they were still pulling the high school tricks, nevertheless you were thankful as you got to learn more about Yoongi.

Yoongi liked oranges, his favourite perfume scent was bergamot, and he owned a chain of cafes under his family’s business ‘Min Corperation’, you were aware of the business but just never had the chance to work with them in the past. 

Your week started off boring, it was 2pm, you decided to message Yoongi. It’s not weird to ask him out for a coffee, he does have a chain of cafes… you pull out your phone.

Hello Yoongi, would you be free…

No, it was too formal, you erased the text.

Hey Yoongi, would you be up for coffee sometime this week?

Sent.

Your heart was beating a little faster and harder, you anxiously stared at your text, it seemed fine but why were your ears burning up, you reluctantly put down your phone, screen facing down. It’s not like Yoongi will reply straight away.

You tried to focus on your work, you had to win this contract you’ve been working on for weeks, you had to prove to your father that you were worthy of taking on his company, not your half-brother Kim Taehyung.

Taehyung your older half-brother, the golden child of your stepmother, of course he would be because he was her own blood and flesh. Whereas you were a side product of your father’s extramarital affair. Your stepmother made it clear from day one she disliked you; your father was absent for the most of your childhood, you had various nannies who took care of you over the years until you were capable of taking care of yourself. You had sworn to impress your father and outshine Kim Taehyung, the bane of your existence.

Buzz buzz.

You raised your head and looked at your phone, it was ringing, it was Yoongi!

You picked up “Hello?”

“Hey ____ how are you?”

“Good, you?”

“Good good, I was wondering instead of going out, would you like to help me out with something?”

Your heart at this point was racing, you’re sure he could hear it through the phone.

“You still there?” Yoongi asked, showing a hint of concern.

“Yes, I’m here, sorry, help you with what?”

“I have new coffee roast blends, they just arrived today, I need to pick out the best one, for our winter toffee lattes, help me decide the which one to sell?”

“Of course, I’d love to!” you exclaimed, you internally slapped yourself, you sounded like you were five.

Yoongi chuckled, “Great I’ll text you my address be there for 7 yeah?”

“Yup see ya at 7” you quickly hung up and grabbed your water bottle.

Woah that was more difficult than trying to negotiate with your clients. It was 4:30pm, you decided to leave at 5pm, get dressed and leave your apartment by 6, to be at Yoongi’s place by 7pm.

Your door flew open, and walked in Kim Taehyung, why did he have to be here to ruin your mood.

“Dad want’s analysis done on the future potential partnerships, do it by the end of tonight.”

He threw the file of papers on your desk.

“No.”

Taehyung turned back to look at you with disgust.

“What do you mean, no? How dare you, you filthy little b-”

“Taehyung, I said no, I can’t do this plus it’s your side of the business” you cut him off.

He walked over to you, placing both his hand on your desk and lowering himself to your sitting level.

“Okay, I was going to tell you a little secret after you did this as a reward, so you wouldn’t be too shocked my dear little sister.” He looked soullessly into your eyes.

You were starting to feel anxious and fidgety, Taehyung never had good news.

“Fine I’ll do for Friday if you tell me what secret” you bargained.

“No-uh has to be done tonight.”

“Tae I really can’t do it for tonight”.

“It’s Taehyung for you, not just Tae, and fine, do it by tomorrow afternoon.”

“Fine. Tell me the secret first!”

“Work first”

“I will do it, I promise, can’t you just let me know?”

He was enjoying this a lot; you could see how he was trying to hide his smirk.

 “Dad is getting you married to his best friend and business partners one and only son, Park Jimin.”

You were too shocked to even respond, how could your father do this to you, he knew what sort of a person Jimin was, everyone did.

“Bye sister!” Taehyung yelled as he slammed your door shut.

It was almost 5, Yoongi, that’s right, you had to leave to meet Yoongi on time, you can worry about Jimin later, for all you know this could be one of Taehyung’s sick pranks.

Chapter 3