#IT WAS FUNNY IM SORRY

[faeriekit]

Despair of Your Discovery

Phic phight fill for @carelisswriting. I am so sorry.

(Relevant warnings are tagged below)

**********

“Oh my god,” Danny says, horrified. “That’s…oh my god.”

The plant looks very innocent amongst the rows and rows of lush green pots in Sam’s greenhouse.

It isn’t.

“You cannot tell anyone,” Sam hisses, and shoves the wicker harvest basket back over the bush, as if there was anyone safe to tell! “Not a word. Not a whisper.”

“This is bad. This is really, really bad.”

“I know!” Sam snaps, looking two steps away from a screaming freakout. “But what can I even do with it?!”

The answer seems obvious. “Get rid of it?!” Danny exclaims, throwing his arms out for additional emphasis. “Making sure there isn’t any evidence left??”

“By what, burning it?!”

Danny opens his mouth to affirm the obvious— only to realize there is another, equally as obvious problem with the usual method of extermination.

“...Put it in the trash?” Danny tries again, grimacing. He crosses his arms, taps his toes. “I mean. It’ll go out eventually.”

“And if someone sees it in the trash?!” Sam volleys back, eyes wide with furious distress.

Okay. There's a clear problem here. All they need is a solution.

Tucker wanders into the greenhouse; he probably found out that they weren’t in Sam’s room and figured out their second location pretty quickly. “Hey, Sam; hey Danny. I thought we were doing Doomed today?”

“We’re not,” Sam and Danny chorus.

Tucker frowns. His eyes go back and forth between them. “...Is everything good?”

“No,” Sam says, cutting off Danny’s: “Sam stole another plant from the school garden again.”

“Oh. Is that all?”

Sam throws herself over the wicker basket and grooooooooans.

“Apparently someone was experimenting,” Danny offers flatly. “It’s bad.”

“How can a plant be bad?”

Sam straightens herself up, makes dead-on eye contact, and lifts the basket.

“Is that WEED?!” Tucker yelps. Danny immediately darts over to slap a hand over Tucker’s mouth, and the basket gets slammed back on top of the plant.

“Don’t shout!”

“Shouting is merited!! Sam grew drugs!!”

“On accident!!” Sam shouts back, very, very pale. “They just left the sprouts in the garden shed without any light or water!! I had to do something!!”

“Saaaaaamm,” Tucker groans, which is pretty unmerited, considering that Sam is probably the person suffering the most here. “Sam, we have to do something!"

“I know, I know!!”

“We know you hate pesticides, but isn’t there…some kind of natural weed killer? Or something?” Danny tries, struggling to think it through. “You can’t hand-pull all your weeds in this greenhouse. It’s massive.”

Sam bites her lip. She doesn’t answer.

“Sam…”

“It’s a waste of plant life to kill it,” Sam whispers. Her two best friends groan out loud, angled in two different directions.

“Sam. It’s illegal. You’ve got to get rid of it.” Tucker’s logic is cold, and brazen.

“...Fine.”

The procedure for killing off a plant the organic way is apparently pretty simple; vinegar, salt, and sunlight. The plant is looking dead and crispy under the glow lights in Sam’s greenhouse in less than an hour; by tomorrow, it’ll be long gone.

“We can never tell anyone this happened,” Danny decides, for obvious reasons. Tucker nods solemnly.

Sam sniffles a little, mascara running. Danny gently rubs her back.

[aritamargarita]

did anyone see the video of shane getting power bombed backstage by KO

[alocalfrog]

Can you imagine suing Boeing and coming home to find Boeing's faulty plane parts washed up in your backyard?

[chessb0r3d]

Analysis so bad you don't even know what it's talking about anymore.

[daftmooncretin]

spock’s room decor is actually fucking bonkers. The weapons??? the big red velvet curtain??? like ok phantom of the opera go crazy.

for reference jim’s room has some photos and a plant so we can surmise this is uniquely a spock being a dramatic weirdo thing

[hoodedjelly]

The Square Root Of Two

[mermianar]

i don’t care how small the room is i cast fireball

[hexslvt]

im so nosey im like ohhh you're jerking off ? can i see can i see can i see can i see can i see can i see can i see pls

[fox-guardian]

[ID: A digital comic featuring Jimmy and Daisuke from Mouthwashing. Jimmy is standing and staring at Daisuke as he talks and gestures.

Daisuke: Wow! I'm so excited to be on the Tulpar! I'm pretty anxious, though. I've never been in space befo- Jimmy, leaning forward suddenly, mouth huge: (all caps) We're gonna craaaash! Daisuke leans away screaming and crying. end ID]

~~~~

it's funny because then they actually did <3

[cyberiapinksosa333]

“wtf is wrong with you”

you mean like today or like in general?

[kosmogrl]

me when I find something that I wrote when I was having a mental breakdown

[chloesimaginationthings]

This could be a kart if FLAF wasn't fucking around..

[electricpurrs]

i thought the "AND THE CROWD GOES HOME" style jokes were very funny but unfortunately my autistic ass has now become obsessed with just spamming these emojis on everything i say for dramatic effect to an obnoxious level LOOK AT THESE GUYS ☝️‼️💯💪☝️💥‼️🔥💯💪‼️💯☝️☝️☝️☝️

[superdaisypowerhour]

it only took 38 years

[kendyroy]

Do you guys think Logan gets jealous of Hugh Jackman? I mean like Wade mentions that guy all the time and he probably owns hugh jack-merch (or whatever).

I feel like Wade will request to watch another hugh jackman movie for the 10th night in a row, and Logan’s gonna hit his breaking point and he goes,“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU SEE IN THAT GUY?”

and Wade’s just gonna laugh or something (cuz ohhh Peanut if only you knew)

[cralaofmandalore]

Shout out to the day i killed the queen via AO3, legendary (name of the fanfic is jigens sick adventure, yes it is a sickfic)