#IT IS OVER FOR CHRISTIANITY Y'ALL CAN PACK IT UP NOW

[magicalgirlmindcrank]

A friend sent this to me and I need you all to see this

[redwineconversation]

Olympique Lyonnais Behind the Scenes (Episode 3)

Better late than never. This covers the month of November.

Blah blah standard disclaimers apply; @OL Comms pls pay for my Starbucks addiction; free advice for those chronically online and frothing at the mouth while monitoring peoples' social media activity; y'all know the speech by now.

Lyon is good at having a good and proper chat about what makes them, well, them. Some teams have stupid TikTok's or immature/unprofessional pregame festivities. Each time has their own brand. I like that Lyon's is something more serious.

OLYMPIQUE LYONNAIS BEHIND THE SCENES - EPISODE 3

Alice Sombath: In November, we played Paris FC.

Kadidiatou Diani: The Champions League started back up.

Christiane Endler: And we played at the Groupama Stadium.

Sombath: We'll tell you all about in the Behind the Scenes on OLPlay.

[opening credits]

[CLIPS FROM TRAINING FOOTAGE]

Diani: Yeah, the month of November was pretty packed. We started the month with a game against Paris FC. I think it was a highly anticipated game since it was the first ranked team in the league against the second ranked team.

[PARIS FC - LYON GAME FOOTAGE]

Diani: It was really a great goal from Eugenie [Le Sommer], it was really instinctual of a goal scorer. And for us, we like seeing that, it makes us happy, it puts us in front.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONTINUES]

Endler: Paris FC equalized. It was the first goal we - I - conceded that year. [sounding really annoyed] That goal, it was easily avoidable, but it's always difficult against Paris FC. We know that they have good players, a lot of quality, that they can score.

Diani: I think there wasn't any doubt. We know it's not always easy, but if we continued on the right track then we knew we could come back and even score more goals. It's true that in that game, I felt pretty good physically. Then for Ada's [Hegerberg] goal, I think I got the ball pretty far out wide, so I started moving inside because of that. I dribbled past one player, then another, and then I saw Ada by herself, she wasn't being covered by any player. She called for the ball so I slipped it to her. And then we went ahead.

[GAME F00TAGE CONTINUES]

Diani: Yeah, I always get comments like how it's weird when I score headers, but I think I score headers pretty regularly. [laughs]

[GAME FOOTAGE CONTINUES]

Diani: I think it was one of the best atmospheres we've had after a game, with a real victory chant. We were all really happy, and even more so because we played a really good game, the scoreline was big. So a lot of happiness after that game.

Endler: After that, we had a big game against Montpellier.

[LYON - MONTPELLIER GAME FOOTAGE]

Diani: Yes, games against Montpellier are always tough, they're a very physical team. You really have to impose yourself physically and never back down. We know what to expect when we play those sorts of games.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONTINUES]

Endler: We know that it's not our style of play to play pretend, to stay down when nothing is going on. When someone stays down, it's because something happened. The Montpellier players were playing extremely rough.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONTINUES]

Diani: [laughs] It was a poacher's goal. I followed the ball and pushed it - all I had to do was push the ball over the line. Another mistake from them, we're going to take it.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONTINUES]

Sombath: [laughs] I had never seen three (3) own goals before, but there's a first time for everything, and it happened with us.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONTINUES]

Sombath: And after that, it was the beginning of the Champions League.

[TRAVEL FOOTAGE]

Diani: This Champions League, I think everyone was waiting for it. It's really an extraordinary competition, everyone wants to play in, everyone wants to take part, and obviously win it.

Sombath: I was really looking forward to the Champions League, I think everyone was. It's a really special competition for us. We all wanted to get it started.

[PREGAME SPEECH FOOTAGE]

Ada Hegerberg: This is the Champions League, this is our competition. We can't repeat last season.

Wendie Renard: We have to be better in every aspect tonight. From the very beginning. There will be no gifts tonight.

Sonia Bompastor: We talked about ambition. It starts tonight. We're starting the Champions League campaign. I want to see a team steam rolling in every part of the game. Okay?

[SLAVIA PRAGUE - LYON GAME FOOTAGE]

Sombath: Yeah, I think we sent a message to the other teams by hitting hard and scoring nine goals in the first game. After the game, when we were celebrating, there was the chant led by Ellie [Carpenter] which is really funny.

[FOOTAGE OF THE POSTGAME CHANT]

Sombath: First of all we really enjoyed the win and then there was that moment of laughter with Ellie's chant. We saw all the players being so happy, so proud of themselves. There was a lot of banter between all the players. I'll always remember that night, it was really special.

[FOOTAGE OF THE FAMOUS BANANA]

Endler: And then we returned for the league game against Dijon.

[LYON - DIJON GAME FOOTAGE]

Sombath: It was pretty complicated, we knew that Dijon plays with a low block, if I remember correctly they were playing with five defenders. It was really complicated in front of goal, we had to play well by covering the entire pitch, and move the ball. We needed to be more technical, move the ball better, so it was pretty complicated, especially after we conceded that goal.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONTINUES]

Endler: You could say that it was an error from Laura [Benkarth], I don't totally agree because in that position, you have to stay high to be compact. It's not an obvious error and it's not easy to go into a game and concede a goal like that.

Sombath: No, we always try to support the goalkeeper, there's a lot of solidarity between the players. It was frustrating to concede that goal. That being said, mistakes happen from time to time, the opposing team can perform well. So we just try to support each other and react to what is in front of us.

Diani: We didn't give up. We wanted to come back before half time and that's precisely what we did. We were able to put the game away in the second half.

Sombath: We were taking a corner. The ball came back to me a little bit in front of me, just outside the box. When I saw the ball, I didn't hesitate and I went to shoot. I was really happy to score my second goal and thus draw level against Dijon.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONTINUES]

Diani: After Dijon, we played the Champions League at home against St Polten.

[PREGAME PRESS CONFERENCE FOOTAGE]

Endler: Melchie [Dumornay], she's an important player for us. It's true that we have a good group, but you always want to have every player available. For Melchie as well, it's not easy. She arrived this summer and integrated the group really well. We're eager for her to recover quickly so she can come back stronger and help us win.

[LYON - ST POLTEN GAME FOOTAGE]

Endler: The game against St Polten was a little weird for us. We were really happy to return to Groupama Stadium. We started the game really well, scored really early.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONTINUES]

Endler: But after, we didn't really play very well like we had in other games. I don't think it was a question of attitude, because we're always there, we always want to play, to win. But it happens sometimes, when things don't work out the way you want.

Sombath: We had difficulties in terms of being technically efficient, even in the play itself. But even when we aren't playing at our best, we always try to get points, to win games. That's the most important part, because we can't always put on a perfect performance each game, what matters is that we continue to win. That's the most important thing.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONTINUES]

Sombath: And then we finished the month away at Guingamp.

[GUINGAMP - LYON GAME FOOTAGE]

Endler: For me, Danielle [van de Donk] has been performing really well the whole season. She's an important player, she scores, but she also puts in a lot of effort. She runs a lot to win the ball back quickly, she puts the opponent under a lot of pressure. I think it's magnificent, everything she has done this season.

Endler: I think the context of the game was much better. We played really well, it's a shame we conceded a goal as well. Apart from that goal, they didn't get close to goal.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONTINUES]

Endler: I think she was lucky to score, and for me, it's painful to concede like that.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONTINUES]

Endler: Ada, she always wants to score. It's her ambition in front of goal, to score. It's why she has already scored 250 goals for Lyon. It's impressive.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONTINUES]

Sombath: Overall I think the month of November was pretty good. We won all our games, we got good results. After, there were games which were a bit more complicated, but at the end of the day we got all the points possible.

Diani: Zero defeats, nothing but wins, even if there were some difficult wins. It's important to focus on the positives, the wins.

[vanosslirious]

BBS Dialogue Prompts #206

BBS Dialogue Prompts & Sentence Starters: [ 9 ]

SMII7Y

Do you want me to read to you?

Shit, I can't read, can you read this?

I never had that card, I was lying about that.

I'm reading a story on the fire.

Why did I hear myself?

Yeah, I ate all the food, that's why we're starving.

You literally almost got us killed.

We're actually nuts!

We just didn't appreciate it.

This has to be it.

I think it's broken, guys, nothing's working.

That was really aggressive.

As I was saying, please cry on my face.

We don't do that here.

You've been rolling with it ever since.

I'll finish him, I guess.

What are y'all talking about, and how do I get involved?

What is this fucking riddle you're throwing at us?

Well, he should've been better with his aim.

You know what, I hope you fucking die after that noise you just made.

NOGLA

I'm hanging tight, and so are all my friends.

That's the first thing you thought of?

My UberEats got fucking robbed.

Don't forget my strawberry milkshake.

If I go, will you open up a Pokémon pack with me?

You call this catering, my friend died!

Who the hell did this?

I shouldn't be laughing so hard, I'm a Christian, this is definitely blasphemy.

I was tired when I typed this.

I was sober for one day!

H2ODELIRIOUS

I have a damn stalker.

Guys, I found a door!

Don't say that!

We cheated, guys.

Don't come in here, guys, don't do it.

What did you just break?

Ah, kiss me!

I’m gonna let it play out.

Don’t bleed all over me.

Yes, go clean.

TERRORISER

It’s always been…

Keep doing that.

I got clubbed to death.

This is not funny by the way.

Let's make this ghost our bitch.

This is where you found me.

I hate your whistling!

When in doubt, get the glow sticks out.

All we heard was screaming in the distance.

One makes me money, the other spends it.

KRYOZ

I think mine's solid, but who's going to know?

Honestly, I like the company.

I don't know if we're actually running out of time, but it feels like it.

You make it sound so easy.

I'm gonna stand right here.

I need this most…you went the wrong way.

Let's be honest, it isn't fun if it's only this thing.

I'm pure positive today.

You guys really fucked that up.

Is that what you meant?

WILDCAT

I don’t think you got me out of there.

I did more as a piece of shit than you can as a real human.

Planting explosions until you guys get here, please hurry.

We’ll save you, just press the button.

You’re lucky to even be alive, what are you talking about?

Hold me and put me in the pod.

You’re so fucking dumb.

I can barely hear myself think, fuck you!

He bled everywhere!

You broke my leg, ow!

BASICALLYIDOWRK

Just die, kid.

We’re just floating.

You didn’t make it.

Why would you bring that mask in your house?

Bro, why is the cat staring at the wall?

I have an irrational fear of bunny rabbits.

I just want you to know, I hate you all.

You better still be there, I swear to God.

What does that mean?

There’s so many things to craft, where’s the little book?

MOO

I didn’t get anything either.

Can we kill these guys?

Just throwing things against the wall.

I feel like I'm in a box of lego's right now.

Okay, we gotta go deeper.

You guys just have to open your big mouths, didn't you?

I didn't know we were starting.

We lived.

This is going to be a long session.

Does this mean you like me, cause you want me in the video?

VANOSSGAMING

Aw, damn, back to this shit.

You went flying.

This is just to get the fucking teleporter open.

Look at him, he’s meditating.

Yes, get him, get him!

That’s the joke?

Who the fuck is this?

We’ll save you!

I just want to see, I don’t have any fucking torches.

What did you find, what did you find, what did you find?

[nightswithkookmin]

Jimin is a pretty bOY

This is a continuation of our discussion on my last post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me, I think I agree with all of it.

Not sure how I feel about the calling eachother out bit or near scolding of others in the comments. Please let's be welcoming and respectful of others's thoughts regardless of whether or not we agree with it. It's ok to hold diverse views. We do after all come from different backgrounds and have accumulated different experiences and I think it plays out in how we see things. Everyone's opinion is valid. Plus, I purple yall.

Now, do I think he is trying to pack on muscles........? Yes. He said so himself in Festa when he said he would rush to the mirror when he thought he had gained some muscle only to find out his biceps looks like a muscled kindergartner.

He also said lately he's into exercising and staying in shape which is true because for quite sometime now since early this year he has been talking about how "weak" he is in their Vlives and have even given instances of him not being able to do certain things- certian simple and easy tasks- which is typical of him I'd say. He's always talking about how "weak" he is especially around JK and juxtaposing that with "but JK is so strong" which I'm sorry but I have to smirk at right now cos it's such a typical gay pick me simp thing to do. We've all been there.

Do I think he's trying to be a muscle bunny or revert back to his body shape around debut? Absolutely not. But I do think he is straddling the line of toxic masculinity which is what the conversation is about.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to stay in shape or even enjoying work outs. Last night I ran downstairs because I had left my stew on the stove and now this morning I called renew my gym membership because I discovered running can be actually fun to do... No. No it's not. The gym instructor would have to come for me kicking and screaming.

RM have said even though JM looks skinny and fragile he is one of the strongest within the group. Besides, this is not the first time he's expressed interest in working out and building his body- hello, on Era?

I remember people complaining he looked too buffed up in that period on SNS and PJMs quickly jumping in to clear the searches for it. The choreo for On required agility and endurance and required the members- not just JM build up some definition in their muscles.

We've seen them go through all that. So it's not simply a matter of black and white staying in shape or doing it because he feels pressured to do so. Especially, when you consider that he's undertaken some pretty unhealthy measures in the past in attempts to lose weight or soften out his body post these muscle building, weight gaining periods and we've always chalked it up to his dance and how as a contemporary dancer he has to look a certain way or this or that to try to justify and make sense of it. Next you, know there are six chapters of break the silence of him talking about all the dark places he's been, the pressures to look his best for his fans or for his job and all these other painful stories he's shared with us over the years. And it's like, but why? Why do this to yourself?

I'll never forget the look he gave JK when JK was talking about wanting to build muscles in one of the interviews for the promotion of Be- I think I made a post on it. When JK noticed JMs disapproving glare he backtracked saying he would want to stay skinny after gaining all that muscles.

I mean if I'm to be honest, he was bound to crack at one point. The signs were there being surrounded by all these men who adhere to the traditional aesthetics of a masculine body- from Namjoon to Taehyung.

I wish y'all will steer the conversation in this direction and make it more about gender norms and expressions and breaking stereotypes and diversity in the body aesthetics of men.

Jimin is a man too. He just isn't what people traditionally will label masculine. Androgynous is more an apt word in my opinion. How many times have I said, I think Jungkook hetero passes because his body aesthetics is quintessentially what most associates with a masculine man?

Breaking gender barriers is not just about embracing feminine apparels- that teeters on cross dressing quite frankly and can be a bit performative and baity. Then you have to consider their culture in itself has an inherent pro gender diversity feel to it.

Now, let me explain my problem with the Klout ad campaign a little bit.

Do you see how Tae stands out? And I'm not saying this to fuel the "Tae was their fav" debacle. It's the 007 feel... I'll explain in a bit.

Most often, alcohol advertisers as well as most advertisements intended to sell to men often try to appeal to men's internalized ideals of masculinity or try to shape and define what a man or masculinity should look like. These ideals are so often toxic and detrimental to men and mostly women too.

Take a look at these ads for example. All I had to do was google search ads for men.

Real men drink milk and look at the image they present as real men. This blatantly implies if you don't look like this, if you are not a strong cliff climbing man with abs you are not a real man.

The second image is subtle. I call it the 007 slash Kingsmen-esque ideals of masculinity. It portrays men as sexy cool badass- works out but isn't too buff, filthy rich or middle class, wears Rolex, designer clothes, is kind but has a mean exterior and is every 13 year old wattpad girls's dream of a man. In fiction, you see this kind of masculinity in characters such as Edward cullens to Christian Grey. And a lot of ads for men alternate between these two ideals of masculinity.

Do you see how they modeled Taehyung in these ads after this kind of masctheme? Tae looks the same in almost all the ads. 007 sexy cool badass.

Now, I may not be a makeup beauty guru or MUA or whatever, but one thing I've picked up on especially when it comes to makeup for men- BTS and Kpop idols mostly is that, they soften out the harsh features on their faces and make them appear more androgynous or effeminate to suit the Kpop look and they ditch it entirely in different settings.

So for instance, Tae and Kookie's natural hawkish eyebrows tend to get softened around the arch and edges- don't know how the fuck they do that- but it appears less in your face intense most times when they wear make up in kpop related contents.

However, in certain other contents that lean towards a certain gender theme those features are emphasized. Not to say hawkish features are masculine features. Just saying in men, Kpop idols, my observation is they soften those features out with makeup or surgery.

Now, take a look at JM in these ads and look at everything from his posture, make up, hairstyle and brows. It's as if someone took an eraser to his androgynousity and erased his feminine side. Take a look at his photo above and compare it to the ads.

I am not a man. But I feel the gender look they went for, intended to appeal to men, tapped into a rather outdated stereotype of what man and masculinity should look like.

What is a man?

What should a man look like?

What aesthetics of masculinity is Jimin gravitating towards now? And I'm not talking clothes, I'm talking the expression of his gender. Time and again, he's talked about how looking a certain way made him uncomfortable in the past because he was constantly fighting his feminine side. He is androgynous. Sometimes he leans more into his feminine side. Other times he leans more into his masculine side but this is the only time he's leaning into his masculinity that makes me uncomfortable to watch because like I said it bothers on toxic masculinity.

He's said whoever he was, the version fighting to look masculine, that wasn't him. So forgive me if I worry whenever i see him suppressing his feminine side and acting like 'one of the boys.' Him staying in shape is not synonymous with him erasing a valid part of himself or suppressing it. He can stay in shape, celebrate his masculinity and still be FILTER.

What I'm saying is, this not a conversation about him exercising. This is a conversation about an ad erasing his feminine side and boxing him into a narrow expression of his gender and how that might be affecting his view of himself especially in the way he's been gravitating towards a certain masculine aesthetics and how that could be toxic.

Tae has said the same thing and BTS have agreed the JM as of 2019 was the real JM according to them.They said he was that way- suppressing his feminine side, because there weren't much songs and choreos that suited him and so he had had to bend himself to fit with the others.

And so when I see him leaning a certain way I tend to wonder if his exterior environment is playing a role in that. I hope you can understand that.

He is a contemporary dancer and strength and flexibility are prerequisites for his craft. The company go out of their way to incorporate contemporary dance in their choreos for JM's sake which helps solve that problem of him trying too hard to look a certain way.

May be I'm projecting. May be my little brother is effeminate and I've always recommended Jimin as a role for him to tell him not to try to look different just because other boys look different. May be I've seen him try one too many times to kill himself in the gym trying to build on muscles and getting frustrated with himself because he ends up looking like someone else. You can't gym the queerness away. Society will never let you be who you want to be so you might as well flip it the middle finger.

These boys are being shaped by their environment. I hate to say this but the environment they are in isn't exactly progressive and the longer they stay in there cut off from the outside world...

Flying out helps. Meeting different people and being exposed to different cultures and conversations on gender expression helps.

Anywho, these are just concerns I have. Will have them till I see that's not where he is headed towards. But let's not act like these ad campaigns do not and can not psychologically impact these boys especially as these advertisers are not looking to tap into their own definition of gender and masculinity but shape it and redefine it to appeal to the demographic they intend to market to.

I think this is just a grey area for me. Rather than try to change JM to look a certain way in order to sell alcohol. I think the ground breaking thing would be to have a man who looks like JM show us how someone like him would sell a can of drink. I think that would be revolutionary.

Signed,

GOLDY

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Sixty-Nine

A/N: soooooo, last minute I decided to torture you guys:) I made the chapter into 2 parts, next part will be posted tomorrow night. I'm prepared to be cussed out in the comments 😤 love y'all tho

Also, I'm saving the picture for the next part because *cough cough* so I'm sorry if this appears a little naked.

Words: 2.6k

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of drug abuse

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S e p t e m b e r 1 9 8 7

“Where are you--”

I’m shut up with the sound of Nikki slamming the door before I can finish asking him where he’s going, and I let out a heavy breath.

"--Going." I finish my question with a heavy sigh.

We’ve only been off the road for a couple days and tomorrow is our last day home, so we decided it’d just be easier for us to stay at the house instead of one of us sleeping elsewhere, but he’s been staying somewhere else every night we’ve been home...I don’t want to know who he’s been staying with or what they’ve been doing, so I haven’t bothered to ask.

I glance at the clock, seeing it’s 5:47pm, and go ahead and assume that since he’s been leaving the house around this time every day and hasn’t been coming back until the next morning, that he’s not coming home again until tomorrow.

Which means I’m by myself, being that Karen is on a small vacation ever since we’ve been home and she hasn’t been having to watch our house.

“Great.” I sarcastically mumble to myself, deciding to start on dinner, Whisky staying under my feet. "If Daddy isn't careful, I'm going to choke him with his own hair." I say to him and he looks up at me with a wagging tail and big smile. "Glad we can agree."

I get one pan out of the cabinet before I’m putting it on the counter, and sighing out.

“You know what? I don’t want to cook.” I state, putting the pan back, shutting the cabinet door, and stepping to the phone, dialing a number.

It rings a couple times before the line is picked up, and I smile at the voice on the other end.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Stevie, it’s Viv.” I tell him.

“Hey, babe, what's going on?" He asks me.

"I'm looking for Duff, do you know where he is?" 

"He's in the shower." He replies. "You want me to tell him you're on the line?"

"No, it's okay, just tell him to gimme a call ba--"

"--Duff, it's Viv!" I hear Steven scream and I cringe, pulling the phone away from my ear a little. 

I hear Duff's muffled reply, opening my mouth to tell Steven that I'll call back later, but I'm being cut off again. 

"I said, 'Viv's on the line'!" Steven yells again, hearing Duff respond. "He's coming." Steven assures me.

"Stevie, you could've waited until he was out of the shower." I comment. 

"Trust me, Viv, he would want me to interrupt him if it's for you." He states. "Ok, he's here, I love you, bye."

"Love you, bye." I reply. 

"Hey." Duff takes over.

"Hey, I'm sorry I interrupted your bathing, I tried telling Stevie you could just call me back later." 

"No, no, Viv, you're fine." He assures me. 

"Oh."

"What's up?" He asks and I look around my kitchen.

"Um...I was just wondering if you're free tonight?"

The line is quiet for a second and I raise my brows, rubbing my lips together, waiting for him to say something. 

"...Hello?" 

"Oh, yeah, s-sorry, you wanna do something or something or--I mean, like you wanna hangout? B-Because I'm free, ya know. Yeah." He stutters out awkwardly and I hold back a laugh. 

"Smooth." I hear Steven comment in the background. 

"Dude, shh!" Duff replies in a whisper. "Um, anyway, yeah, I'm not busy."

"Okay, I was gonna order take out if that's okay with you?"

"Whatever you want is fine with me." He offers. 

"Okay." I reply. 

There's a long pause and the both of us finally try to talk at the same time:

"Alright, well--"

"Cool, so--"

We stop for a second, the two of us chuckling a little. 

"Sorry, you go." He tells me. 

"I was gonna say, 'I'll see you in a few minutes'." I say. 

"Good deal, I'll see you then." He agrees. 

"Okay."

"Okay."

Again, another awkward silence. 

"...Okay."

"Okay."

The phone is suddenly hanging up, the dial tone in my ear, and I quirk a brow, before putting the phone back on the hook. 

I wasn't sure why things were so freaking awkward with us, nothing had changed, nothing had happened. I hadn't seen him since the Playboy shoot a month and a half prior, so I didn't understand what exactly shifted.

I hear the doorbell ring and Whisky starts barking while I grab the Chinese takeout boxes and some silverware. 

"Whisky, who is it?" I ask him sweetly as I step to the door, opening it to see all six feet, four inches of Duff. 

He's in a CBGB t-shirt and black jeans, a bag of gummy worms and a six pack of Pepsi in hand. 

"Hi." He says, and I step aside and let him in as Whisky immediately starts sniffing at him, starting at his boot, up his leg, and I politely keep him from getting too personal as soon as his nose goes for his crotch. 

"Ohhhkay, Whisky, that's enough." I tell him, nudging him away from Duff as he hands me the Pepsi and candy, crouching down to pet him. 

"No, it's fine. He's just trying to know me." Duff chuckles, he and Whisky bonding the second his fingers move over the back of Whisky's ears, making him melt like butter in Duff's hands.

After a few minutes of me putting our food on plates and him going to wash his hands, we're finally eating in the living room floor, at the coffee table, with the dog eating his food several feet away, despite coming over to try to eat some of ours every now and then. 

"So, like, apparently Nikki's trying to get you guys a spot on the tour." I inform him and he raises his brows. 

"Really?"

"Yeah. Slash and Stevie have been conspiring and shared it with Nikki...and he loves you guys so he and Tommy and Vince and Mick are down for it. He's been pestering Doc and Doc said he'd contact your manager a little later." I add.

"Well, we've got some shows coming up to promote the album but, I mean, I don't see the harm in going on tour with them." He shrugs. "It'd be good exposure." 

"It would."

"I don't know." He shakes his head a little, swallowing another bite of Lo mein, and I furrow my brows. "I just expected more people to buy 'Appetite'. And they would, if we had our video on MTV, and radio actually played us." He vents. "We're just chomping at the bit, ready to run our asses off the second the race starts, and nobody's firing the fucking starting gun."

The radio was afraid to play them, MTV refused to put their video for "Welcome to the Jungle" on air because John Malone (who owned half of the cable-houses that broadcasted MTV) only saw them as a heroin band, and promoting them wouldn't sit right with his strong Republican, conservative,"christian" morale...so he threatened to drop MTV if they played Guns N' Roses.

"I can talk to Doc and see if he can pull any strings. I mean if they'll play Mötley Crüe--"

"--Tom is vouching for us to anyone that will listen." He explains. "Right now it's not something to worry about, but if it's still like this six months from now, we need to panic a little."

"There's no way in hell it's gonna take six months for you guys to pick up traction." I state in disbelief.

"Viv--"

"--If six months from now you guys still aren't on MTV, I'll harass whoever I need to, to make it happen. I'll go to their houses." I promise and he shakes his head, chuckling. 

I was serious, and I ended up delivering on that.

"None of them are worth the trouble. Just a bunch of money-hungry hypocrites hiding behind religion to validate their assbackwards logic." He shrugs. 

"You sound like my dad." I point out and he smiles, taking another bite of food as I sip from my bottle of Pepsi. 

He stares at me for a moment before I'm raising my brows, silently asking him what's up. 

"So, like, how is your dad so cool and your mom is so…" he trails off and I take a breath, shrugging a little. 

"That's how she was raised. I mean, I know that's not an excuse but her mom and dad were both that way on her and my aunt--my aunt obviously cracked under the pressure and just gave up trying to please them back when she was a teenager. My grandparents have been dead for years now but my mom still acts like she's trying to make them happy." I mumble. "Which, according to my dad, she wasn't always like that. She did a small 'wild' thing one time, and got knocked up with me." 

"What?!" He gawks. 

"They got married seven months early to avoid her parents knowing what they had done." I add.

"Dude, imagine losing your virginity and getting pregnant from it." He tries to hold back a laugh. 

"My mom always told me I was planned, and once I was old enough to do the math between my birthday and their anniversary, I put the pieces together and my dad finally told me what happened when I turned sixteen." 

He nods, and licks his lips, awkwardly clearing his throat before saying:

"So...what about your first time?" 

I scoff, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. 

"Um, seventeen, Nikki, their roach-motel apartment." 

"You've only dated one guy?" 

"Yeah." I nod. 

"Wow…" he says it like it's hard to believe. 

"What's that mean?"

"I just expected you to have dated a couple more guys before settling on Nikki." He replies. 

"I didn't settle for Nikki." I tell him, matter of fact. "Being with him was a good idea at the time." I add. 

"Nah, I get it. That's how it was with my first big-boy girlfriend." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah."

"What happened to her?"

He takes a second, taking in a heavy breath, but trying to keep things light with his smile. 

"We were, like, kids basically. Like sixteen/seventeen, and I had to go out of town to visit some family, and when I got back she told me she had hooked up with this dude at a party while I was away. And we broke up, and then got back together, and then things were good for another year until the big heroin epidemic hit Seattle." He informs me. "It got its hooks in her and wouldn't let go. I finally just had to break things off because I couldn't watch her kill herself in an overdose like some of my friends had already done, and I left for L.A. shortly after. I know that's selfish but ignorance is bliss. I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I were to ever find out she'd died." There's a small gloss to his eyes, like he's holding back a few tears. 

"That's not selfish." I tell him, shaking my head. "Some people aren't meant to be in our lives forever. Some are just there to grow you in some way and if it's not God's will for them to stay around you he gives you the strength to just walk away." I suggest. 

"Is that what's happening with you and Nikki?" He asks next, looking at me. "He's giving you the strength to walk away?" 

"God's ignoring me currently so I wouldn't know." I admit. "He wants me to stay with Nikki, but Nikki won't even say whether or not he truly wants a divorce. He just avoids the conversation. I think he feels like if he ignores it, the issue will resolve itself."

"Well...what do you think? I mean, has anyone asked how you feel about this? Like having to make people think you guys are together and stuff." 

"It doesn't really matter how I--or even Nikki--feels."

"Okay, Vivian, I didn't ask about Nikki, alright?" He politely tells me and I sigh. 

"I'm miserable." I finally get it out. "We pose for pictures in magazines, still, a-and pile on the PDA anytime press is around and it freaking sucks. Because we're arguing more and more lately so it's like as soon as we get inside we're going back to being mean to each other. And I'm over him, like I've accepted the fact that we're more than likely divorcing, I've gotten all of it out of my system, but the waiting and dragging it out for another year is just getting to me." A couple tears topple over my lashes. 

"If you want out then get out, Viv." He says to me. 

"It's not that simple, Duff."

"Yes, it is. You're just waiting for Nikki to tell you he wants to work things out, and using Doc telling you guys to hold off on any decisions until the tour is over, as an excuse." He states, as noninvasive as possible and I hate to hear the truth. "If you wanna stay, stay, if you want to leave him, leave him. You shouldn't have to explain yourself either way. It's your own business but at least be honest with yourself and call it what it is."

"I will when you do." I argue and he looks at me with raised brows. 

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, please, Duff, you act like this when you're sober but then when you're drunk you're telling me you love me." I state. "You're not being honest with yourself, either."

His brows furrow.

"Viv, what the fuck am I suppose to do? Huh? You're married. You've been married."

"Barely." 

"What do you want me to do about it?" He defensively chuckles out. 

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" 

"Nikki's done a lot for me and the band, and I don't want to disrespect you or him so I've kept to myself, alright? So just leave it at that and let's finish eating because I got rehearsal tomorrow." He tries to change the subject. 

"He had an entire mistress, Duff, telling me how you really felt about me wouldn't have--"

"--You wanna know how I really feel about you? Fine. I don't understand how someone so beautiful and insanely kind could fucking exist, but you do. My hands get all weird and sweaty and gross when you're around. I can barely walk at times because my legs feel like jello anytime I'm talking to you. It pisses me off that you're so talented and a fucking genius but all you see is how you aren't good enough because you aren't the 'type' that guys like Nikki usually desire--but I'm telling you now, people stare at you anywhere we go like you're healing lepers or something and it's definitely not because they think you're ugly. I know what my boundaries are and would never purposely do something that would make you uncomfortable. I'm sorry I said that to you when I was shitfaced. I'd much rather have told you when I was sober, but there's never been a point of me telling you because--"

"--Tell me." I cut him short. "You're sober." I point out, shifting to my knees. "So tell me." 

He licks his lips, his breathing picking up slightly as he looks me dead in the eyes. 

"I love you." He tells me. "I love you, Vivian." He repeats it, more confidently. "I have since the day we met."

I nod a little, my eyes getting teary and I'm kissing him before I can talk myself out of it. 

[canonicallysoulmates]

Supernatural 15.07

I don't know what to say- I don't know what to tell y'all, it's filler with some bad exposition. It's boring, the writing is bad, there’s retcons - or as the writers of this show like to call it "new canon" - and it's such a shame cause it has Christian Kane who's a really good actor...I just don't know where to start with this I guess I'll start with the acting....

It too was bad- or to be fair it's not that it was bad it's that there didn't seem to be any effort put into it like for example a lot of the scenes between Dean and Lee (Christian Kane's character) seemed less like the characters and more like Jensen and Christian rehearsing and that's in part due to the bad script that had nothing of sustenance to let these actors use their talents but it's also- while I'm sure they had a lot of fun filming because they are friends in real life I don't think they put their best foot forward with their acting. And honestly I can't say I blame any of them, with a script like this one I too wouldn't bother putting in the effort. I don't even know where they would put the effort cause it's a plain script there's no genuine emotion. 

The one thing I was looking forward to in this episode was Christian Kane because I really like him as an actor, I loved him in Leverage, I loved him in The Librarians so I was really excited to see him guest star on spn, but sadly he played a forgettable, underdeveloped, no personality having character. There was nothing especial about the character that he played, he was just Dean's old friend that's it he exists for....I don't even know what for, to get Dean out of his rut I guess, he could have been played by any other guest star hell I think he could have been any random character cause I don't feel like his connection to Dean really added anything, and to be honest I didn't see the friendship between his character and Dean at least not one as close as what they supposedly had I mean Lee and Dean were so close Lee was even close with John but I have trouble believing they were that close because it's not really shown, it's said they're old friends but the script doesn't really delve into it I guess, i don't know how to explain it I'm just missing something, something genuine, to see their friendship properly if I'm to believe they were the best of friends. Also i found it weird that Sam wouldn't come up in conversation between them if they were so close considering how important Sam is to Dean, or maybe they did talk about him and I missed it; there's a scene were he and Dean sing together, and Jensen sounds amazing as always but I thought it was canon Dean wasn't a good singer yet there he was on stage belting out tunes like a rockstar.....and he seemed to have some demon!dean strength cause he managed to kill the monster and didn't even break a sweat and he must have managed to do it quietly too cause it seems Lee didn't hear a fight going on, and we didn't hear the fight either or see it cause we didn't get a scene of Dean killing the monster which fucking sucks cause that must have looked really cool. Or maybe it didn't cause the fight scene in this episode was weak. I miss the fight scene of epi 4 *sigh*.

Meanwhile while all of this is going on with Dean, back at the Bunker Sam is unconscious and we get some badly done exposition. That's it. 

Dean gets to meet up with an old friend, sings - or well Jensen sings, gets drunk, hunts a monster, meanwhile Sam does a bit of research and then is unconscious for 98% of the episode. Fun 😑

So Castiel who's at the Bunker for- well actually I don't know why he's back at the Bunker I didn't pay much attention to him to be quite honest, I was just happy to see him walk through the front door cause he interrupted the almost kiss between Sam and Eileen, let me tell you when I say I do not want to see that romance being pursued I mean it.  No offense to those who like the idea of Sam and Eileen being together but I find them nauseatingly saccharine and I don't see any romantic chemistry between them, I have no desire to see them get together if I wanted to watch romance I'd watch a Hallmark movie. 

I don't want romance in Supernatural, especially during it's last season.

I don't watch Supernatural for romance, I watch it because of Sam and Dean and THEIR relationship with each other! And I want this final season to focus on that!

And I hate what that relationship does to Eileen because I think she has potential as a character but instead of doing something interesting with her she just gets relegated into a love interest who spends the majority of her time just looking at Sam with lovesick puppy eyes. She loses all her personality. 

And I also hate what it does to my enjoyment of their friendship because I think they're cute friends but since I'm dreading this relationship being turned romantic and the writers are pushing the romance angle it takes away any enjoyment I might have had of their scenes together.

But back to Sam, he's unconscious...

So Castiel calls Sergei to help with Sam because....I guess the actor is the only one that was available that week, and if you're wondering who the hell Sergei is he's that character that appeared once in s14, lied to Castiel and made Jack's condition worse (fun fact: i had to look up who this dude was cause i barely remembered him) so definitely the right person to call, seems trustworthy enough to allow him into what's supposed to be a secret Bunker that's filled with artifacts and information and I'm sure he won't lie and put Sam in any kind of danger....

(Oh, and before I continue if anyone is wondering if Dean knows what's going on with Sam he does not, Castiel did call him but Dean handed his phone over cause the bar he's at takes away your phone which makes no fucking sense to me, they took his phone but not his gun? But anyways he didn't have his phone with him and thus he never got the call and he didn't find out what was happening until near the end of the episode.)

Where was I? Oh yes, Sergei so, of course surprise, surprise the bad guy did the bad guy thing and thus Sam is dying, and what does Sergei want in exchange for Sam not kicking the bucket? The KEY TO DEATH'S LIBRARY! Which is apparently a thing that the Men of Letters have and is supposedly in the bunker but somehow Sam and Dean have never heard about it or stumbled upon it even though they have lived in the Bunker for years, and non of the AU hunters or any of the other rotating cast of people that have access to this hotel sorry Bunker have heard of it or stumbled upon it, and the BMOL said nothing of it even though they turned the Bunker upside down! These writers have no shame!

But before all that goes down Sergei does some exposition where he says Sam's wound is soul deep and he's connected to something CHUCK or someone CHUCK! CHUCK! CHUCK! HE'S CONNECTED TO CHUCK! WE KNOW! DO SOMETHING WITH THIS STORY LINE FFS! And apparently Sam's soul is all stretched out like a rubber band or something- there's scenes in this episode where the dialogue is so bad it's painful to listen to, this exposition scene is one of them.

Anyways, Castiel threatens the life/safety of Sergei's niece so Sergei is like 'fine I'll reverse what i did' and so Sam's no longer dying and he's awake just in time for the episodes end; and the episode ends with the four of them (Castiel, Eileen, Sam and Dean) in the Bunker and Sam saying he thinks they can defeat Chuck cause they now know Chuck's battery power is low.

There's a lot of differences between this episode and the last one but one of the big ones is that while the last episode was Sam focused and Dean was barely in it Dean was still a part of the story and even with the brothers separated their relationship was still incorporated in the form of Sam telling a story about when he and Dean where little but here Sam is not used at all, he's only in the story so the writer can once again point out what we already know which is that Sam's wound is connected to Chuck, he's not a part of the story, Dean doesn't even talk about him to his super close old friend even though Sam is an incredibly important part of his life. Sam was ignored by the writer in a disgusting fashion.

This episode has no redeeming qualities, there are no highlights, there is no saving grace; the only thing I liked was Sam telling Dean to call him if he needed him and Dean replying he always does in the beginning of the epi which was the only brother moment we got btw. It sucks cause the things I was looking forward to the most were Christian Kane and his scenes with Jensen but I didn't like them, for the reasons I mentioned earlier in this post, that was the one thing I thought was going to be good in this episode and it flopped. This whole episode flopped.

It angers me cause this could have been a really good episode, this could have been like - well actually i'm not a big fan of the episode I'm about to mention either but it did this way way better, but this could have been like the epi where Dean helps Benny out I don't remember the name but the one where Benny calls Dean for help and at the end of the epi Sam meets Benny (I should re-watch that episode I love Benny,  Benny was a well written friend) this episode could have been like that or even better; instead of having him unconscious they could have had Sam going through Rowena's journals and maybe practicing some magic and while Sam is doing that Dean and his friend go on an actual hunt together and we get to actually see that relationship or even better yet they could have not separated Sam and Dean, have them go on the hunt together I would have loved to have gotten scenes between Sam and Lee, or it could have started out like this epi did with Dean on the hunt and Sam in the Bunker but Dean has to call Sam for help and so Sam joins in on the hunt.

This could have been a fun episode. It could have been funny, it could have been action packed, it could have been emotional instead this is the second episode they wasted this season.

[thehollowprince]

Full offense, but I don’t think you have the moral ground to judge/condemn others for shipping “toxic, abusive crackships” considering that you ship actual crackship sceo both sexually and romantically. Yeah, Reylo may be a problematic ship, but at least Kylo Ren was actually interested in Rey and didn’t murdered Rey in cold blood like Theo “I came for a pack, Scott is not included” Raeken canonically did to Scott McCall in Teen Wolf Season 5. 🤷🤷🤷

You know, this my just be the very first and only time I've seen a Reylo admit that their ship is problematic. We should save this for posterity. A monumental moment in history, this is.

That being said, you want to know the difference between you Reylos and me shipping Sceo? I openly acknowledge that it's a crack ship, that it has absolutely no basis in canon because to make it work, like Reylo, you'd have to rewrite the entirety of canon. There is no possible way to make Sceo (or Reylo) into a romance without altering canon in its entirety, which is why I only ship Sceo when it comes to AUs, like the Killing Eve one I reblogged the other day. Like you pointed out, and I remembered from when I watched the season, Theo literally killed Scott. That's unforgivable. Almost as bad as, oh, I don't know, kidnapping and torturing and attempted murder. But I guess among straight people that's a form of courtship? We know such horrible things would never work in a romance, where you guys seem to be under the impression that such things are grand romantic gestures.

The other key difference, of course, is that we're not having public breakdowns over a character death. I don't recall a single time that a fan of Scott McCall threatened Jeff Davis with death via a tweet. Just the last few days I've witnessed Reylos on Twitter talk about boycotts and sending death threats go J.J. Abrams and doxing Adam Driver's wife and kids because y'all want him and Daisy to bang. Hell, not even a month ago, the whole world watched as y'all had a meltdown on Twitter because John Boyega posted actual pictures of Rey's and Kylo's interactions! He didn't make anything up, just posted actual pictures of the few times they interacted and how violent they were and you guys collectively lost your shit.

The last, and probably biggest difference between us, I actually admit that Sceo is bad. It's a crack ship born out of the fact that I find both Tyler Posey and Cody Christian attractive and I liked their chemistry together. That's it. I don't demand everyone ship it, or harass MTV because it didn't happen (though if they were going to let Scott be bisexual, Danny was right there... until he wasn't).

Like... if your ship is totally dependent upon others liking and agreeing with it, you're never going to be happy and I highly encourage you to get out now.

PS: it's going to take a lot more than you can throw at me to offend me.

[renee-writer]

Redemption Chapter 71 Homecoming

Evie runs out to meet them as Gabby steps out and opens her arms to her. She lifts her up and spins her around.

“Gabby! Gabby, you came back!”

“Yes. I did promise.”

“You brought Eli too.”

Gabby, Jade, and Eli laugh as Eli reaches for her. “Yes Evie. Recall Gabby telling you that we are married so I go where she goes now.”

“That’s what Aunt Jade said but, I wasn’t sure.”

“You, Gabby, and I are family.” He informs her and the satisfaction in his voice almost brought Gabriella to tears.

“I am glad. Aunt Jade and I made room for your stuff.”

“Thank you. You and Aunt Jade did good.”

“Come see.” Evie insists. He sits her down and Evie leads the procession into the house. Eli sweeps Gabby up into his arms when they reach the threshold. They step over and stop.

“Do you like it?” Evie asks as she turns to face them, hands on her hips.

“Evie, Jade, it is beautiful.” Gabby says. The room had been rearranged. There is now an area with a desk and an empty bookcase. “But why? Eli's office is at the church and you know I work all over the house.

“You haven’t told he” Jade addresses Eli.

“No. Not yet.” He turns to his wife,” Gabby you aren't going back to work. I want you to finish your education.”

“Oh.” She is shocked into silence. She has always dreamed of that but, with Evie, and now Eli was offering. “But how? I know we are combining households and bills but..?”

“That's the point Gabby. We are combining households. Thanks to your parents this house is paid for. I have been saving, since I was 18, for a down payment on a house. Well, I don’t need it for that, so I can afford to sent my wife back to school. We have years to save for Evie's and any other children’s education.”

“Wow! I am not sure what to say but wow. Are you sure Eli? There is not anything else you would want to do with your life savings?”

“You are my life. Please allow me to fulfill your dream.”

'I won't argue. Thank you Eli!” she throws her arms around him and, unmindful of her sister and Jade, kisses him.

“More kisses.” Evie sighs.

“Get used to it,” Jade advises, “they will be doing a lot of it.”

After a few minutes, they follow Evie and Jade to see what else they have done.

“What do y'all think?” Jade asks after they had completed the tour.

“I love it.” Gabby says. Looking to her husband, she adds,” We love it.”

“We really do.” Eli adds,” y'all did a great job. I just need to get me stuff and get it put away. Evie, do you want to come with me to help?”

“Yes. Can I Gabby?”

“Yes you can. Thanks love,” she addresses her husband,” don't be gone long.”

“We won't. Everything is packed. We just have to load it. I will miss you.”

“I will miss you too.” They kiss goodbye. “Be good bug. Obey Eli.”

“I will.”

“So details.” Jade insists as soon as Eli and Evie leave.

“Come on Jade. Somethings are just between Eli and I.” She takes a seat on the couch and sighs. It feels good to sit down. She hadn’t had much sleep.

“I know that but there must be something you can tell me.”

“He is everything. Tender, gentle, kind. I don't know who he got advice from but it was good. We were both nervous, at first, but the nerves were overshadowed by excitement. Jade, I was so ready. He knew that but didn’t rush at all. We just picked up on each other’s thoughts, or so it seemed. I now know exactly what it means for the two to become one flesh.”

“That is excellent. I am so glad it went so well.”

“Yes, I am sorry Jade that it wasn’the same for you.”

“Yah, well I can’t relive my first time but, I refuse to compromise. I will wait for my own Eli.”

“Good. We will help you look.”

“Ah, matchmaking, are you?” Jade replies with a laugh.

“Well, I can't help wanting my sister to be as happy as I am.”

“Thanks, but I don't believe that is possible. You radiate happiness.”

“I do?”

“You do. Ah, are you, I mean did y'all use birth control?”

“What? Oh wow. No we did. I am not. Shot Jade. Even if I was, it would take longer then two days to tell. Besides, we want to wait awhile.”

“That's good. You are just glowing, I had to ask.”

“That's just love.”

“Okay, that's everything.” Eli says as he hangs up the last shirt.”

“Yes it officially our house.” Gabby agrees leaning against his side.

“Yes home.”

“Eli I am so happy to give you a home.”

“The house is nice. I am glad your parents were able to leave it to you. But Gabby, anywhere you are is home to me.”

“I feel the same. I know I had a family with Evie. But mow it is complete, for now. I didn't realize it wasn't before you.”

“Hmm,” Eli takes a seat on the edge of their bed, pulling Gabby into his lap,” I always knew something was missing. Become a Christian solved a big part of it. But, I wasn't complete. I now know how Adam felt as he searched for his other half. I wasn’t seriously searching, as you know. I was concentrating on my ministry. But God knew. He looked down from heaven and said,” That one. Gabriella Olivia Grant. She is the one for Eli Jacob Spencer.” I am so glad He did.”

“Me too. You are everything I didn’t even know I needed. We fit together in every way. Like we were created for each other.”

“We were Gabby. God knew. He knows what each of us need. He provides it in Himself and in each other.”

“That He does.” Gabby snuggles against her husband’s chest.

“I'm hungry.” Evie announces as she enters the room.

“Are you? Okay. I guess we have to feed you.” Gabby teases her.

“Uh huh. It is required by law.” Evie seriously informs her. Both Gabby and Eli burst into laughter. Evie doesn’t understand what is funny but laughs along with them. Eli, still laughing, slides Gabby off his lap and picks up his baby sister.

“I love you Evie Ruth. Do you know that?”

“Yes. I love you too.”

“Let's go feed you.” They all head downstairs.

[squawkercr-blog]

American Youth Lost

So I'm starting this blog and that's about as far as I've made it in the decision process. I'm starting this blog. I don't know what it's going to be about or if it's really got potential to gain much notoriety, but I wonder if there is an audience out there for what I have to say. That's really why these things exist, for a more in-depth viewpoint on something. Usually, some honed in topic like "Pregnancy Tips for Moms," "My Travel Blog," "Confessions of a Webcam Model Dominatrix Vampire," really, the usual. And these people have audiences, or at least the delusion of an audience that they write to. I assume, often, that I'm operating under the same delusion: people will care what I have to say, that my writing is a decent effort, and my mother loves me. I know one of those is right and the rest is pollen in the wind. At least, I hope. I've got a pack of beer, a little weed with me, and I've just downed a pot of coffee so I'm fueling to full extent, farting and pulsing. I hit my dog earlier in the parking lot because he ran away from me while I was mesmerized by the reflection of headlights in the apartment complex's lake, real bleeding streamers, elegant and blissful. When the sucker bolted, slave to rodent bloodlust, I called, but didn't see him and took off myself. He came from behind a car a few seconds later and I spanked him on the ass. I don't need anyone to tell me I'm a monster. I felt revolted by my actions. And I don't need anyone to tell me I'm being an oversensitive dog owner either. When a dog goes straight for the neck of an angry heffer charging you he deserves a heist's worth of beef jerky and to never be on leash again for life, no matter what crap apartment rules or shitty, swervy motorist tenants are present, which is the exact reason I freaked. I don't want some suburb asshole to slam my buddy and sue me for the damage on their BMW. I tell myself not all people are like that. But some definitely are, and in this country today I'm not taking any chances on the people that park horizontally through three parking spaces.

I guess what I'm figuring out right now is this thing is gonna be a confessional. I was thinking lifestyle genre, but now I'm opting towards confessional of a young American trapped within miscellaneous fascinations, suburb bred, given antlers and potatoes at the ripe age of 5. That's me. And a good pen name too, I'll need to be incognito so those Christian relatives of mine don't go into coronary when they find out I might not have enough fingers for the drugs I've done, but that was all for curiosity and an occasional real good time, there's nothing to worry about. My habits fall into smoke mainly. I only dabble in swallowing the hornet's nest. I'll try to keep this whole experience as raw as possible. When you see signs of latex abandon ship. This blog isn't worth it anymore. I've realized I'm losing grip. I've begun this awful life stage of floating between the tips of so many tantalizing opportunities resting within an emerging Spirit, and becoming stagnant in Tallahassee, collecting water and mosquito eggs. Gross. I've got a lot of thoughts and a few hobbies that sustain me when I'm not breaking for money or chasing adrenaline, and with that maybe a convo will open up. Maybe I'll dig deep enough to find some hidden truth, some glimmer of gold from the American Nightmare, this treadmill of an existence. Hell, if I didn't need money I probably wouldn't be doing this blog. Say I'm good at it, there might be a monetary gain in the future, and wouldn't that be swell. I'd have vomited all sparkly for y'all and got a slice of pie too. But, don't worry. I could stay working my same job for twenty years, earn raises, and never leave the humidity, bite a curb, or catch an STD. What a life that would be.

How do we make sense of this insanity? These temporary great motions felt in the belly, forces beyond control, beautiful vista points of waterfalls and infinities of evergreen that you pull over on driving in mountain ranges, or even the neon brilliance cast on skin in a Miami strip club. You have to admire the spectacle, the straight range this world provides, despite its volumptious skewed crowd. No matter the despicable mass shootings, the political show, Jersey Shore's reunion, or that even Canada is not safe from this craze sweeping over the land. We are in the shifting tide. Do you feel it? The air is smeared with glitter and gunpowder. And don't forget, we'll all be losing something when the Big Flip happens. It's just a matter of time. Jesus works at Starbucks. Our most reliable news source is a ghost. The internet is turning into a race. All the money is evaporating. Hallelujah! I think that's where I'll find my niche, centered in the storm, where I could say I feel the wind in my hair, but I shaved my head last week and haven't looked in the mirror as much because of it. There is a failing here, in an effort to communicate I have muddled all my intentions. Which really are noble to an extent. I want to write. I want to put something out there. I want to prove my existence. Isn't that what we are all doing? Building a monument to the life we lived, a legacy, a family, a career, a high? Finding some reason to entertain ourselves no matter how deranged we've become? This blog would be my ball if I was in a cell. I'm entertaining myself, waiting to be nipped. I wish there was more to it. If I'm wrong, I apologize. I can only say don't take me seriously so that you're not lead astray too. If there is a path we should be on, it may well be overgrown in kudzu, lost to the wilderness. What a shame. The moon is high. I'm drunk. And all the strong movements that lead me to sit under an artificial light tonight are beginning to flee to the balcony. Forgive me, if I have sinned. I am not burning, and I've missed any clue that may have been found by a better man.

[yanceyrenee-blog]

Chapter Sixty-four The Wedding!

I awake before Beth and lay there and think" Tomorrow I will be waking up beside my husband.“ I can’t help smiling. I look around the room, glad I am coming back to it. It will be a smoother transition that way. Beth, daddy, and my in- laws will organize it while we are on our honeymoon. We are going to the woods. Josiah’s uncle has a cabin there that he is letting us use. It is perfect. I sigh and stretch waking Beth in the process. ” Good morning to the future Mrs Greene.“ ” Good morning Beth.“ We get up and do morning devotions and I think something else I will be doing with Josiah from now on. We head downstairs to find daddy making breakfast. ” Good morning girls. Ready for breakfast?“ We eat and then Beth and I head upstairs to get dressed and meet Julia. We are going to get Julia and Beth’s hair done and all our fingers done.

I wake up thinking,” This is my wedding day!“ It is an unbelievable thought. I look around the room I’ve already packed. My room for 18 years. It is weird to think if I ever sleep here again it will be with my wife as we visit my parents. I had downstairs to find my mama and daddy waiting. They have breakfast ready. We eat together and I think,” Last time for that too.“ But the fact I get to spend breakfast tomorrow with Sarah and every day after makes me smile. I don’t have nearly the prep that Sarah does. Abe and Tim are bringing the tuxes by at 11. My momma is going to get her hair done. Sarah likes mine down so there isn’t much I need to do with it. ” It is the hardest thing to do to wait.“ My daddy reads my mind. ” Yes it is. I miss her and there’s not much I have to do to distract myself.“ I end up turning on the TV I’m watching Christian videos worshipping while I wait.

We head to church at 11. Beth drops me off at the bride’s room and heads off to make sure everything is right. I sit alone for a minute praying for Josiah and I that our future would be longiand used for God’s glory and for our future children. That’s how Mrs Greene finds me when she walks in. ” Hi Sarah.“ ” Hi Mrs Greene.“ ” We are going to be family in a few hours. Please call me Rachael.“ ” Okay thank you Rachael. How is he today?“ ” He his nervous. I left him with his dad both both pacing around.“ ” I feel him.“ She sits down on the bench beside me and takes my hands in hers. ” You will both be okay. Deep breaths.“ ” I know Rachael. I just hate the wait.“ ” That is my son’s problem too. See you’re made for each other.“ ” That it’s the one thing I do know.’ “ I have something for you Sarah. It was my mother’s.” She hands me a beautiful gold cross necklace with a diamond in the center. “ It’s beautiful, amazing! Thank you so much Rachael.” “ You are welcome Sarah. It can be your something old.” “ Your dress is new.” says Beth as she enters the room.“ That is beautiful Mrs Greene.” “ I got borrowed and blue.” Julia follows Beth into the room. She hands me a beautiful ring with a blue stone in the center. “ Thanks guys.” “ You are all set.” Rachael says.

It isn’t long until it is time to get dressed. Beth, Julia, and Rachael get dressed first. They didn’t help me until my wedding gown. I stare at myself in the mirror seeing a woman. “ When did this happen?” I wonder. “ When I felt the lump, when I decided to get a mastectomy,when Josiah and I fell in love, throughout the treatments, all of the above.” “ Makeup time.” Beth interrupts my thoughts. “ Use waterproof.” Rachael reminds her. I am made up. Blush, eyeshadow, mascara, and for the first time, eyeliner. And she asked me to open my eyes and see I hardly recognize the face in the mirror. “ I am beautiful.” I say with awe,“ thanks Beth.” They put my mama’s earrings in and Josiah’s grandmother’s necklace on and Julia’s ring on my right hand. Rachel reminds me to remove engagement ring so the wedding band will be close to my heart. I do and hand it for Beth safekeeping. I am ready. Tim comes to the door to let us know that they and Josiah are here. “ Thanks Tim.” I say with relief. “ Your daddy wants to know if he can come in.” “ Yes.” “ Okay. I got to go to best man stuff now see you soon love you Sarah.” “ I love you too Tim.” “ Sarah you are enchanting.” “ Thanks daddy.” “ When did you could become a woman?” “ I was just wondering the same thing.” “ Happy birthday Beth.” He says turning to her. “ Thanks Mr Rose.” “ Sarah and I have something for you. A birthday and bridesmaid gift.” I hand her a box that she opens to reveal a photo album. Inside are pictures of her and I from when we are days old up until just a few days ago at the shower. There are blank spaces at the back for pictures of today. “ Y'all. It is perfect.” She starts to cry. “ I wanted to give you something to remind you that you will always be my best girlfriend.” I also give her and Julia bracelets made of crosses. “ I am glad we both have waterproof makeup on.” I say after we have all three have a good cry. It is almost time. Let’s pray.“ We form a circle and ask God’s blessing over the day. Then Abe comes to escort Rachael to her seat. I take a deep breath. Beth gives me me a long hug, places to veil on my head, and her and Julia walk out to head down the aisle. ” Ready baby girl?“ Daddy asked with a catch in his throat. I square my shoulders and say, ” Yes! Let’s go give me away.“ He puts my hand through his arm and as the music changes to the bridal March we step out. ” Slow and steady.“ he whispers to me.

[youreghanamissme]

youth camps

There are a lot of things I’m proud about (and equally, many things that I would like to forget at the bottom of an empty pint of ice cream) and participating in Peace Corps-organized youth camps may be the brightest highlight of my time in Ghana thus far. PCV’s do a lot. Some of us facilitate health lessons in local schools, fund animal-rearing projects, help build ICT centers and libraries, build latrines for our community, and get boreholes constructed at our sites, but youth camps are one of the best, most rewarding projects that PCV’s churn out. Sure, it’s not a sustainable venture, but I think it produces sustainable results in the way we make Ghanian youth feel. As finite volunteers, it isn’t guaranteed that we’ll see those results while we’re here, but it squeezes my heart small to think about a grown Ghanian student who reminisces about that one week in JHS when they were compelled to critically think about their future, their wants and needs, their place in the fabric of society and where society’s pushes and pulls fits into their perspective; when they met other students, just like them, but from other communities 50, 100 miles away; when they interacted with deaf students and realized that friendship transcends spoken word.

When I think about that, I'm grateful. This is happiness.

When I recall the connections I’ve made with my campers, I regret forgetting that happiness. It’s so easy to dismiss our successes when our failures are imprinted in our minds like murder scenes–murder of our pride, feelings of self-worth, and consequently, the fear of failure. I try to think about Maya Angelou’s quote in moments like these: “People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.”

In the past month, I've been a group leader—from set-up to re-pack—of two amazing PCV-organized youth camps.

GLOW/BRO – Girls Leading Our World/ Boys Respecting Others. GLOW/BRO camps are regional camps. I participated in the most recent Northern edition, and let me tell ya what– it was fucking fantastic. It took a few days for the students to warm up to each other, but by the end of it, I wish we had more time. My group named ourselves Golden Royals because our bandana color was yellow. How fitting because these young people are kings and queens in their own right; a PCV in their community felt that they were exemplary and hard-working and leaders that needed a little more polishing.

Not everyone's English skills were on the same level. It was somehow disarming to see the disparity in English comprehension amongst JHS students across the Northern region. It goes to show that there are many elements at play in the Ghana Education System-- the teachers, the students themselves, external pressures (parents, the household chores), and the curriculum. English typically becomes the primary language in the classroom by Primary 4, and many of the JHS students in attendance knew little beyond greetings and survival English. But we needed to converse in English since not all students spoke the same language. Some spoke Dagbani, others Mamprouli, Linkpapang, and Ghanian Sign Language (GSL).

One of the amazing aspects of the northern GLOW/BRO camp was its location. The Savelugu School of the Deaf hosted us, and a good fifteen or so Sav Deaf School students also attended so that there were two hearing impaired student groups in addition to the five hearing groups. Each group also had a Ghanian counterpart—a SHS student or graduate to be a sort of role model (and translator, in many of our cases) to the JHS students.

Camp was set up so that each full day was devoted to a theme: health, business, and gender equality. The Golden Royals ate meals together. We had end-of-the-day group discussions to explore sessions that day, and the conversations within our small groups teased out the nuances of each theme. Sex. Pregnancy. Stereotypes. Self-esteem. Defining Success. Gender norms in Ghana. We tried to cover the big stuff. We made an effort to get as many Ghanian professionals as speakers as possible. It's one thing to have a PCV lead a session, but it's much more powerful for the students to see someone like them—especially women—center-stage, commanding an audience.

I was lucky to have the opportunity to lead two sessions: one on sexual and reproductive health, another on recycling used pure water satchets into zipper bags. The SRH lesson was INTENSE. I talk fast, so it became a funny and somehow laugh-at-myself awkward lesson where I would talk, my co-leader Jenn would translate my Ghanian English into even slower Ghanian English, and my Dagbani Language and Culture Facilitator (LCF) Alhassan would translate what Jenn said into legit Ghanian English with the cadence that the students could understand. No matter how hard I tried to slow down my speed, it was still too fast! It became more like a Q&A session as students became fixated on the STI's (and all the extremely complicated hypothetical situations of contracting an STI) and lost in all the technical terminology. It's kind of a hard topic to smash into an hour and a half... and still leave room to talk about consent and frame the whole discussion within a sex-positivity vibe. Ghanian youth are so used to getting  abstinence-only drilled into them at school because of the cultural climate in Ghana. Sex is taboo, as it is in many cultures, but it's even more scandalous in a country whose population is mostly either Christian or Muslim. Unsurprisingly, teen pregnancy still happens here, like it does in many other countries. We tried our best to impart that it's OK to have sex; just be responsible and mature and make sure that you're ready. After, we had condom demo races where campers competed against and each other as they practiced saying the steps to opening and putting an external latex condom onto a penis demonstrator. When there is a lull at camp, pull out the bag of condoms!

And the sign language interpreters had to sign everything. Kudos to them!

Each day had a mini sign language lesson, and students would ask for more sign words and practice greetings and signing their names... it made my heart swell to see how keen the hearing students were in absorbing as much GSL as they could.

Camp was exhausting, but what a lark it was! It was my first all-around camp. I had group-led day camps before, but I had never been a leader from 6am – 10pm for a week! Despite the exhaustion, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

The Golden Royals Crew.

Some highlights:

Four of us arrived a day early to set up mosquito nets for campers. We didn't realize how potent the insecticide on the new, treated nets was, and you know how it is—folks don't realize how often they touch their face. By the end of the night, everyone's faces and eyeballs were on fire! It was horrible and a little traumatic.

One of favorite campers from my group, Gifty, still keeps in contact with me! She updates me every now and then on her successes in school. My heart melted when she gave a photo of herself to a fellow student in her community who was attending STARS camp to give to me. Printed photos are not cheap and easy to procure in the village, y'all. I was impressed and deeply touched. I can't articulate fully how much of an effect that the gesture had on me. Camp lives on, in a way, even when it’s over.

I still get the occasional phone call and whatsapp message from GLOW/BRO campers :)

The GLOW/BRO dance parties were DOPE AF! These young people had some killer moves. I took mental notes.

STARS – Students Taking Action, Reaching For Success. I tell ya what-- Peace Corps sure loves its strategically-derived acronyms. Whereas GLOW/BRO occurs all over Ghana, STARS camp was on a national scale. This was for the cream of the crop. The best students at their local SHS and JHS were elected by a PCV, and those students were the chosen few to attend camp at the Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology (KNUST), the premiere university of Ghana; #1 for the numero unos of our communities. Folks from all over Ghana congregated in Kumasi for this camp focusing on technology, business, health, and art. SHS students were at STARS for a full week whereas JHS students were only there for a few days. We staggered their arrival so that we can teach specific lessons to the SHS students who would in turn conduct teach-back lessons to the JHS students when the latter arrived two days after the former. 

It was an intense week as every minute of every day was accounted for. We were in the big leagues now. Big city, college campus with college students walking around, y’know? We had to make sure nothing funky was going on with our young people. In that regard, GLOW/BRO was a lot more intimate. There was no one else on campus but us. The site was smaller. There were more opportunities for group bonding at GLOW/BRO too. Since I was a JHS group leader again, I only had about three days with my Super Black Stars (punnily and understandably, most other groups also paid homage to the STARS theme) before camp ended. 

STARS was spectacular at encouraging the pursuit of high education. I don’t know if the campers felt the same effect, but the college vibe was a little infectious... like it seeped into my consciousness and my energy by osmosis. STARS did a good job of trying to bring it back to reaching for success, whatever that may mean. Some folks want to be doctors; others want to be fashion designers. How great is that? We had a university student Q&A panel. It was especially powerful to hear from female students who are in STEM share such aspiration and good advice for our female SHS and JHS students. Campers also got to tour the extensive KNUST campus. I woke up reeeal early some mornings in order to go on a short jog/walk and was in awe of how large and elaborate parts of the campus was. There’s a track, a gym, and an art department… I cannot fully describe how cool it was. So many student housing halls, all with their own personality! And there was a mini-mall ON CAMPUS! What?!

All campers got to visit the ICT lab. It was amazing. This was the first time that many of them used an actual computer. There are ICT classes in JHS schools, but it’s all theory. It’s fucking crazy—ICT teachers often roughly draw a desktop on the worn chalkboard and explain how to do things on the computer, like open a Word document, create a folder, or how to bold a sentence. It all boils down to memorization at the JHS level if your school doesn’t have a computer lab. Some students had trouble just moving the mouse. One could really see the difference between the JHS students and the SHS students. The latter were more exposed to computers and could imbed photos or change their font colors with ease in Microsoft Word.

To encapsulate STARS in a few paragraphs is rough. I really enjoyed the reusable menstrual pad workshop PCV McCrady did. We did yoga every day (what a work out for my stiff self!). The food was so good. There were meals where I ran out of soup and continued to eat my banku or fufu ball – pure carb ball, baby! Students learned how to do batik dyeing. Campers tried deep-fried, garlic-y curry eggplant (and hated it, unfortunately!). Professionals in volunteerism, business, and in STEM came to talk to them.

No lie – I was pretty burnt out right before STARS. I had just finished GLOW/BRO and had been busting my booty doing working group stuff (I’ll post on that later). I had just finished the first part of a bee-keeping training and a GRS malaria bed net distribution at my site. I was busy, busy, and busy… but I have never felt so low and alone in Ghana. I was dealing with a lasagna of stress, anxiety, and depression going on a month. I was managing, but barely. The last thing I wanted to do was go to another camp and be pretend-happy and pretend-cheerful. But STARS really brought me up. I am happy I went and met and worked with incredible people and saw a side of Ghana/ Kumasi that I’ve never seen. Definitely had a blast!

Some highlights:

I’ve never purchased a pair of TOMS shoes in my life because they’re expensive af. I also feel that the company culturally appropriates the shoe design of indigenous Chileans, but you can only spill so much haterade… Would you believe me if I told you that my first pair of TOMS are on the receiving end from Ghana? Thanksss, ‘murica! Really though, I don’t believe in the BOGO model of “charity”/ “international aid.” I think that model encourages a handout environment around international aid and takes away from local businesses (I go to a cobbler for my sandals more times than I’ve ever done so in America. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle is a way of life because of necessity rather than mindfulness.)

I felt it was OK to give students free shoes at camp only because it was an isolated event. It wasn’t as if we were dropping them down in a village (something I would not be cool with). I did, however, wish we discussed with our youth more about where the shoes came from and why they were receiving it, rather than just handing it to them like we did. I feel like consciousness about our impact as foreigners coming to volunteer in Ghana is vital in sustainability.

The STARS talent show was lit! I liked how our Ghanian students interpreted talent. You get the usual dancing and singing, but students also told jokes and performed short plays. The group leaders attempted to do the electric slide...

We had an activity where we literally set our “I can’ts…” on fire in a pot. Did I already say that STARS was lit?

I designed the STARS shirts. Schedule an appointment with my agent if you want to meet, bwhahahaha!

I know I share crumbs about struggling here and there on the blog, but that’s just part of life, and by extension, part of my PC experience. Life is a struggle, and I’m a work in progress. Fuck feelings. Sometimes it’s better to just accept circumstances that you can’t change and focus and celebrate the things you can. And camp helped me take a step forward in that direction. It reminded me that I do good work; that I am a good person; that I have friends who care and are there; that there is a world out there that I haven’t seen yet; that so much beauty and joy exists in just hearing “I will miss you” from a student. I fuck loving camp.

[ladyfiresfanfiction]

50 Shades of No - The Walking Dead Fic - Carol x Daryl

Things at the prison were calming down. Everybody was easing into a life of country luxury with enjoyable living, and little to no walkers to worry about. Rick and Hershel were tending to the farm they were starting, and they were finding animals for food. They had taken in extra people who were down on their luck and needed sanctuary, and these people were also able to help.

"Rick, I need a list before Daryl and I go on a run." Carol said.

"Well, any seeds y'all can find for vegetables and fruits would be nice. Could y'all also look for some books so we can read 'em to Judith and the kids? And then you know the rest... Diapers, ammo, baby food, the works." Rick replied.

"Got it. There's a Walmart about ten minutes West. We should be back within a couple hours." Carol smiled.

"Alright, just be careful. And thanks for volunteering." Rick said, and went off to tend to his crying baby girl.

Carol found Daryl outside, adjusting his jacket and his pack over his shoulders while sitting on his brother's bike. It still hurt him to use the damn thing, but he wouldn't get rid of it. It was the only thing Daryl had left of Merle. She smiled, watching Daryl fidget and attempt to get the pack on him comfortably.

"Ready?" she asked.

"You move like a damn cat. Sneakin' up on people like that." Daryl scowled.

"Are you ready or not, cranky ass?" Carol smirked.

"Yes, yes I'm ready. Hop on, I don't got all day." Daryl mumbled.

By bike, it took them fifteen minutes to hit the Walmart. This one was one of the newer, Super Walmarts, or whatever they called them. Must've been brand new when the outbreak happened. Most of the store was still packed. They immediately went to the baby isle to get everything Judy needed. Then they hit the weapon isle and got everything from knives, guns, ammo, and silencers. They would have to make a second trip at the end of the week, but this trip would prove to be one of bountiful resources. They got tons of seeds for the farm; corn, broccoli, green beans, peas, even apples and peaches. Daryl found the liquor isle and decided to go get some booze for the adults, and Carol said for him to meet her in the book section.

She found a number of books that the kids would love. She had found Sophia's favorite that she had read to her countless times; Charlotte's Web. After filling her pack to the maximum with books, she found something that made her laugh.

Fifty Shades of Grey.

What it had been doing in the young adult/kids section, she didn't know. She had wanted to read the book before the outbreak happened, but unfortunately, Ed refused. She grabbed it now and decided to give it to Daryl later on that night. That would prove to be a barrel of laughs, and maybe get him out of his bitchy mood. She would grab a couple beers for them to sip on, and she would casually hand him the book. She couldn't wait to see his reaction. Those brows furrowing over shocked and confused blue eyes, his face grimacing, and his southern drawl spewing some obscene yet funny sentence. It was going to be perfect.

She and Daryl took watch in one of the towers while everyone got their rest. Carol had packed her pack with the book, a six pack of Icehouse beer, and a blanket since the fall season was beginning to set in. Daryl was sharpening his bows as Carol entered the door of the inside room, and looked up at her, nodding.

"So, you going to tell me why you were acting like a baby today?"

"I didn't act like no baby." He grumbled. "I was tired." he added.

"Well who told you to go chasing after some damn oppossum last night?" Carol laughed.

"'s good shit. Y'all don't even know." he replied, defensively.

"My my Daryl Dixon, is that a pout?" Carol snickered.

"What? No! Just gimmie a beer, will ya?" he asked, turning a light shade of pink.

"Fine, fine. Also I got you a little present. You want it?" she asked, opening the beer bottle and handing it to him.

"A present?" he asked, looking dumbfounded.

"Yeah, you're gonna love it. Here." she said, handing him the book.

He took a swig of beer then turned the book to the front.

"What the...? Oh, HELL no. The hell is this, woman?" he grimaced.

Carol was looking him dead in the eye, straight face and all, and replied.

"This is erotic fiction, Daryl. And since you were acting like a tired teenage girl, I thought it--"

"Don't even finish that sentence!" he shouted.

He looked down at the book in disgust, shaking his head and murmuring that "this chick lit is the reason women are so damn corny". When Carol went to take a sip of her beer, he looked up at her quickly then popped open the book.

Carol spit out her beer, choking and laughing uncontrollably. She was smacking her leg and pointing, trying to form a coherent sentence between her roars of laughter. He glared at her, trying to keep from smirking, which ultimately failed.

"You tell anyone I looked at this, you best run and hide from me, girl." he warned. "Let's take a look at this shit."

Carol grabbed her pack and her beer and scooted closer to Daryl, looking over his shoulder. He mumbled, skipping pages and trying to find something really awful to show her. Halfway through the book, he found just the passage to read to her.

""This feels different than the last time—so carnal, so … necessary. He caresses my behind with his long-fingered hands, and I’m helpless, trussed up and pressed into the mattress, at his mercy, and of my own free will. He hits me again, slightly to the side, and again, the other side, then pauses slowly as he peels my panties down and pulls them off. He gently trails his palm across my behind again before continuing my spanking. I surrender myself to the rhythm of blows, absorbing each one, savoring each one … I moan loudly as my body takes over, and I come and come, convulsing around his fingers." Is this bitch SERIOUS?!" Daryl hollered.

"Gimmie!" Carol laughed, looking at a disgusted Daryl as he handed her the book.

"Oh, this is good. Listen! "Christian trails a spoonful of ice cream down the center of my body, across my stomach, and into my navel … He kisses each of my breasts and sucks each of my nipples hard, then follows the line of ice cream down my body, sucking and licking as he goes … ‘This way,’ he murmurs and abruptly is inside me … He leans over, releases my hands, and pulls me upright so I am practically sitting on him … He nuzzles my neck, biting down, as he flexes his hips, deliciously slowly, filling me again and again. He smiles against my neck, and his fingers curl around my jaw and throat, holding me fast for a moment." Oh my. I don't... How was this book even popular?" Carol gasped, dropping the book like a diseased rodent at her feet.

"Don't ask me. Yer a woman. So you got the whole woman brain thing going on. How is that sexy?" Daryl asked, opening his third bottle of beer.

""Woman brain thing?" Um, come again?" Carol asked, her eyes hardening as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Oh, take it easy and stop lookin' at me like that. I just... I don't know. Man I'm buzzed." he chuckled nervously, downing half the beer in one big gulp.

"....Mmmmhmm." Carol said, shaking her head and smiling as she finished her second beer.

She could feel the effects of the alcohol beginning to get to her. She was loosening up and felt... Relaxed. How long had it been since she felt this calm? This cozy? This... Free? This felt strangely like paradise to her. Even being in a guard tower, at a prison, it felt like she was in some high end hotel, the entire world at her feet.

She looked up from her bottle to see Daryl eyeing her. His eyes were soft and slightly dreamy, but his lips remained in a hard line. It was always so difficult to figure out what he was thinking. Then it hit her; He was looking at her like that pathetic writer of the book made her male hero look at her female heroine.

It made her feel light. It made her feel 10 feet tall, and like she could take on the world. After all the time, she never thought a man could make her feel so bubbly and so... Whole.

"You know what? I have a suggestion..." Carol said, standing up clumsily.

"What's that?" Daryl asked, looking up at her.

"You were right. I do have the "woman brain thing" going on. And damn it, those were sexy love scenes!" she smiled. "I think we should... reenact them."

Daryl's eyes widened, his pupils nearly taking all the blue color away. He gulped, standing up on shaking legs and looked at her. She inched close to him, her eyes focused on him and only him.

"Wha- wha are you doin'?" He asked in a breathy voice.

"Daryl, sunshine, we are both consenting adults, and I saw the way you looked at me. The feeling, it... It's mutual." she smiled, blushing slightly.

"Listen, Carol," Daryl began, grabbing her hands in his.

"Yes, we are two consenting adults. But we are both drunk. It's cold... Things are just startin' to wind down. And as much as I would like to, uh, "reenact" those scenes with ya, I'd rather wait 'til we was born sober. Make it more... Memorable, yeah?" he explained, taking Carol's hands up to his lips and kissing them sweetly.

"Really?" she asked, in awe.

"Really. Now put that comforter down and getcha ass on it. Let's get warm." he smiled, and laid down, patting the side beside him.

"If you insist... Sir." she joked, sticking her tongue out at him.

As they curled their bodies against each other, her head against his muscular, warm chest, and his arm around her slender body, the feeling of their home being paradise in a world gone to Hell seemed to explode in ten fold.

"What dumb luck it was to find that book..." Carol smiled as she drifted off to sleep.

[sintheyokai]

(LB: Devil’s Child) Chapter 3: The Man Who Caused Us Ours Scars

Word Count: 4822

He was running. Running as fast as possible, as fast as he could from the man who followed him. The cold rain stung at his fresh, bleeding wounds. Wounds that the man had inflicted on him.

He wanted to hide inside the little cafe he had passed by, but the son of the devil was too hot upon his heels. He'd have to keep running. Running for miles and miles, never stopping until he was certain that he was not being followed. He felt a sudden prick in the back of his head.

His pace slowed, his eyes drooping, limbs like lead.

He had been hit.

Unable to carry on further, he collapsed into a puddle. The man would've retrieved him.

But fortunately, the younger running man had been seen by a resident of the street. He'd be safe tonight.

***

Time- 9:58 p.m.

The Bakers were waiting for their sister. Lucille had just finished her shift and was packing up, redressing herself as Lucy. The rain had mostly stopped, and all that was left was a light drizzle. As they finally managed to head out, Lucille waving goodbye to the janitors, they danced and sang in the falling droplets.

"Remember when we were left out int' rain as punishment?" Loosha said. At the thought of it, the others smiled.

"That were when we found out we loved rain." Lucas sighed as the cool rain hit his skin, "We kept trying to get punished on rainy days so we could feel something fresh wash over us."

After about 15 minutes of walking, chatting, and laughing in the rainwater, they made it to Lucy's flat. Right as she was about to open the door, Loopy popped out. She froze.

"Summat's wrong..." she said, her siblings growing concerned. Then, without warning, Loopy practically broke down the door, "What's goin' on?!" she shouted in distress. In immediate response, Fauna rushed into their line of sight, her hands drenched in blood and a look of sheer panic over her face.

"Lou, thank God!" she cried out as calmly as possible, "Y'all help, I got a guy with a ton of wounds, more than half of 'em still fresh, and I literally just sent your ma to get gauze five minutes ago."

They all hurried back to the front room, only to be met with a horror they had hoped to never see.

Their older brother, Lucifer Baker, unconscious and sprawled out on the floor, wrapped in already bloody gauze while Fauna's children attempted to apply pressure to some of the smaller yet more major wounds.

"He's still breathin'," Fauna said, rushing to continue applying any towels, gauze, or fabrics to the poor man's lacerations, "But prolly not for long. I'm hella surprised he's even still alive, much less got this far." She was trying to keep a steady head.

"Wot d'ya mean?" Loosha said, quickly removing her socks and wrapping both around one of Lucifer's many leg wounds.

"He was sweaty and wet when I brought him in." Fauna said, her voice rising as she removed her entire shirt and wrapped it around Lucifer's stomach, "I knew right away he had been runnin' like the devil was at his heels."

While Lucas and Luna went to help Fauna heal their brother, Lucy stood, frozen.

Devil at his heels

Had he been chasing him? She'd have to ask Lucille about that, but not now. Right now she had a job.

As of now, she had to keep her brother alive, not knowing about the man who watched outside in disgust.

***

Time- 11:06 p.m.

He finally stopped bleeding, some of his cuts having been stitched (Which did not go well with Lucas until his mother offered to do it). Wounds had clotted, and Lucifer was still unconscious. Despite it, however, he was alive and breathing, to everyone's relief. Now all that was left was to watch over him until he woke up.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Arianna got up, but soon after she did, Fauna's second oldest, Trance, began viciously growling. Fauna sat Arianna back down.

"I'll go. If it's dangerous, I'm a more likely survival candidate."

She went to the door, opening it to see a strange man. He was tall, almost as tall as Alfendi,and oddly handsome for someone who appeared to be in his early 40s. His jet black hair was a neat mess, blending in with the night background. His eyes were an evil green, almost appearing to be glowing as they met Fauna's gaze, and she noticed he had a neatly shaved bit of stubble. He was dressed nearly head to toe in beige gray clothes, the only other color being a black dress shirt and red silk tie underneath his crisp jacket.

"I'm not interested in your Christian or Mormon services." she said, attempting to close the door. She was stopped, however, by the man's hand.

"As much as I'd like to be doing such things," his voice was dark and seductive, "I came here to retrieve my son..."

Fauna was immediately on the defensive, "Then why was your son running from you?" she said, "Why were half his wounds fresher than a newly slaughtered pig?"

The man scoffed, "I live in the woods, my son is insane. He is convinced I'm trying to kill him."

Fauna gave him an evil eye, "Sorry, bud, I'm not takin' any chances with this one. Good fuckin' day." she tried to close the door once again, but the man forced it open.

"I demand to see my son!" he insisted.

Fauna growled, "I demand you actually listen before I claw out your eyes and rip your tongue out!"

The man stepped back, "Is that a threat?"

Growls came from behind Fauna, Seriph, Trance, and Melina emerging from the shadows inside the house.

"I don't know..." Fauna said sinisterly, "Ya wanna find out?"

The man gave her an irked glance before fleeing.

Fauna closed the door, returning to the front room to see that Lucifer had woken up. His mother hugged him tightly, while his siblings chatted away in tearful joy.

And there he was in the midst of it all, Lucifer Baker, crying like a child. He then noticed Fauna and asked, "Did you get me off th' streets, Miss?"

Fauna nodded, "Think your dad was just at the door. Told him to piss off."

The young adult smiled in extreme gratitude, "Thank you!" he exclaimed, "'e were gonna kill me, 'e were!"

Luna looked at her older brother fearfully, "Lucifer..."

She wondered whether she dare ask her question. She decided it would be best to do so.

"Were Daddy chasing you?" she whispered.

The room became dead silent as Lucifer's face went sour, and he nodded.

"I told you..." Everyone turned to see Lucille, eyes wide with horror, her face having lost a bit of color.

"I told you..." she repeated, "I told you 'e'd come back fer us!" she screamed before rushing out of the house, "I'M NOT DOIN' THIS AGAIN!!"

As her mother called out for her to come back, it began raining harder once more. Lucille ran into the street, right as a blue corvette came by. It managed to brake right before impact, and at that moment, Lucy was back. She only figured out where she was after a blonde woman came out of the corvette.

"Lucy!"

It was Hilda.

Lucy realized what Lucille had tried to do at last, and began to sob.

Hilda noticed this quickly and led her to a dry area, "Lucy, what's wrong?" she asked.

"I just-!" Lucy hiccupped, "I-I didn't think I were capable o' doin' that!" she wailed as Arianna ran up to them.

"Lucy!" she shouted, pulling her daughter in a tight hug, "Don't ever do that again!"

And in response, Loopy popped up. She gently shoved her mother away, looking around in concern. She looked at Hilda.

"You're 'ere..." she said without her usual bitterness. She then looked at her mother and siblings, "An' you're 'ere, cryin'..." A look of horrified realization spread across her face.

"Ohh God, what'd she try an' do this time!?" she cried out in both fear and frustration. Her mother whispered in her ear, and Loopy flipped.

"Dammit! Can she not fuckin' understand!?" she wailed in agony, "People love 'er! Who said red eyes make a demon!?" she screamed and yelled, Hilda backing up slightly. Loopy was enraged, her eyes appeared to be glowing before she finally roared.

"THE GODDAMN SON OF THE DEVIL 'IMSELF, THAT'S WHO!!!"

The street grew quiet, the rain slowing as if to respect the sudden silence. Loopy then collapsed, sobbing uncontrollably. Arianna turned to Hilda before whispering, "Thank you. We'll handle it now."

Hilda nodded, saying nothing as she returned to her car and got in, starting the engine before driving off into the pitch black night. A thousand thoughts ran through her head. What had just happened? Why had Lucy tried to kill herself? What had Loopy meant by "Red eyes make a demon"?

Who was the "son of the Devil" that had made her so cross?

***

Time- 7:59 a.m.

As Lucy woke up, she quickly noticed that the couch that Lucas and Lucifer had slept on was empty, while Luna and Loosha lightly snored in the chairs they had chosen. They had had to sleep downstairs because Fauna had still found water upstairs ("Yeah, yeah, Lou, I know, I called the damn plumber already, look, I'll seal it with fucking ducktape, happy?"). Thinking that the two young men had gone upstairs to see, she stood at the bottom of the stairs and softly called out, "Lucas! Lucifer!".

Silence.

She thought that perhaps they had not heard her, so she put her hands to her mouth and whispered harshly again, "Lucifer! Lucas!"

It remained silent. Panic rising inside of her, Lucy checked outside. She was relieved to see them both out there, Lucifer studying the flower bushes while Lucas dug through the bushes, half of his body sticking out from the foliage. Suddenly, he gasped.

"Wot is it?" Lucifer quickly asked. Lucas carefully removed himself from the bushes, gently clutching something in his right hand. He showed it to his siblings.

A bird struggled in the small man's grasp, pleading to break free.

"It's a mummy one..." Lucas whispered, stroking the trembling creature in order to calm it, "It's wing is broken..." Lucas looked as if he were about to cry, "An'- An'- look up..."

Lucy and Lucifer looked up. In the lowest of the sturdy branches, a nest lay. And in it, the chirps of several hatchlings cried out for food. They looked back at Lucas, who had went from nearly crying to fat, rolling tears streaming down his face.

"It-It's like us..." he choked, "Th-They don't 'ave their mummy, an'-an' the mummy bird can't get to them-!" he sniffed before shaking his head violently. "We gotta get 'er back," he said firmly, "Let's bring the nest down a bit so tha' she can get t' 'em." Lucy nodded and ran to gather sticks and straw for a new nest, while Lucas turned to Lucifer.

"You gotta 'owd 'em." he directed, "I'll bring 'em down one by one, a'ight?" Lucifer nodded in response. Lucas then put the mother bird in his mouth with care, like how a jaguar or crocodile carries it's young, before bounding up the tree and reaching the nest. Taking one chick in his hand, he fell from the tree, clawing into the bark to slow his descent.

Softly hitting the ground, he handed the chick to his older brother, repeating this process with the other four chicks in the nest. Once Lucifer had all five in his palms, he brought them to the bushes that Lucy had built the nest in. Putting everything in place, Lucas took the mother out of his mouth, not even bothering to spit the fluff and feathers out. He gently placed the mother in the nest, noticing a worm on the earth and giving it to the chicks.

"You take it easy now, a'ight?" he said to the mother, "I'll try t' bring food e'ryday."

The mother chirped in joyful reply, as if to thank her rescuers.

A soft laugh came from Lucifer. "It really is like us..." he said, "The chicks were returned to their mummy... Like 'ow we found each other an' Mummy."

They continued gazing at the mother and her hatchlings, even when Luna and Loosha came out, dressed up and ready. Loosha gave Lucy a puzzled look.

"Don't you 'ave work today?" Loosha said. Lucy stared at her for a while before her eyes widened abruptly.

"Shit!"

Suddenly, an airhorn was heard down the street, quickly approaching Lucy's house. A familiar voice called out.

"Baker! Bakeeeer~! BAKER! GET! YOUR! ASS! OUT! OF! BEEEEEEEEEEED!"

Lucy stared in disbelief as her mentor pedaled down the street to her house, airhorn in hand, shouting at the top of his lungs. Loosha giggled before joking.

"Well! 'ere comes th' calvary I guess! Wonder when th' entirety o' Scotland Yard's gonna come out!"

Potty finally reached the walkway, and there was a moment of silence as he saw his assistant awake.

"You're up," he stated bluntly, "So why aren't you at work?"

"There were a bird crisis, Prof."

"Fair enough. Just hurry to Scotland Yard. We got a case! Bring all your siblings cause it's a Code Forbodium!"

And he pedaled back, swiftly and with purpose. Lucy stood, mouth agape before it turned into a bright and dumb grin.

"OHHHH BOY!"

***

Time- 8:40 a.m.

Lucy almost knocked the doors off their hinges as she ran into the Yard. Hilda nearly laughed when she tripped whilst smiling like a child on their birthday.

"Early by five minutes!" she exclaimed, "That's fantastic, Lucy!"

"Alfendi said there were a Code Forbodium goin' on! An' you know 'ow much I adore Code Forbodium cases!" she was bouncing up and down, her siblings suppressing snickers as they took note of this simple joy. Suddenly, Blaine coughed to get Lucy's attention.

"Must you bring filthy and bloody people inside the Yard?" he sneered. Before Lucy could choke the man, Lucifer flipped him off before speaking.

"Well fock you too, Mr. Buddypal McRuderson of Rudeassdale!" he jeered, "Fock off if ya got a problem with my sister bringin' us inside!"

Blaine took a step back, deterred slightly from the insult. He then smiled. An evil smile, the flirtatious type of evil smile. He spoke to Lucy.

"Now, Lucy..." he cooed in a way that made Lucas's spine tremble in disgust, "Listen to reason... Surely you don't think your siblings should be involved in a Code Forbodium case, do you?"

Lucy nodded. "They did fine yesterday, they'll do fantastic today!" she retorted, bringing her siblings to Commissioner Barton's office, not noticing Blaine beginning to follow her.

When she walked into the small office, she noticed Alfendi in a chair, talking to the Commissioner, who had noticed her arrival.

"Ah, Detective Constable Baker! Inspector Dartwright! Come in!"

Upon hearing his name, Lucy whipped around and yelped , "The 'ell are ya doin' 'ere!?"

"I also happen to be working on this case. I hear it's going to be quite intriguing," Blaine purred, before noticing Alfendi glaring at him.

"Oh," he said, disinterested, "Lameton. Good to see you here..." he growled the greeting. The commissioner cleared his throat.

"Before we begin to rip each other's tongues out," he said calmly, "The case?"

All seven people nodded, all but Lucy quickly taking a seat. Lucy, however, simply stood there, as if wondering what to do.

Alfendi looked at her in worry, "Lucy?"

In response, she began blinking uncontrollably, glancing side to side, taking in her surroundings. Her gaze landed on her siblings.

"Remember you... An' sorry for nearly killin' ya a long time ago, Loosha, 'un." she glanced at Alfendi, "Remember you fer sure... Remember you, li'le old man..." she said to the commissioner. She finally looked at Blaine, a look of confusion and disgust masking her usual demeanor.

"You look like a douche an' I 'onestly can't fockin' remember ya." Alfendi smiled as it came to him that he was no longer talking to Lucy Baker. Before he could say hi to her however, Commissioner Barton beat him to it.

"Ah! Ms. Lily! Good to see you again!" he exclaimed, "I was about to give you and your acquaintances a case!"

Loopy raised an eyebrow in captured interest, "Oh?" She took a seat, sitting cross-legged, "An' wot exactly d'ya want us t' work on?" she asked. In reply, the commissioner pulled out a red folder marked with a large, bold, black "X". Alfendi and Blaine's eyes widened, while Loopy gave the commissioner a puzzled look.

"Wot's wi' th' X?" she asked, the question not really directed to one person. Alfendi answered her.

"A dangerous case," he simply said, "One somewhat like mine: a lot more beneath the surface than on it. One where the criminal has stayed hidden for years and might still be out there, killing as we speak."

The room was silent for a moment before Loopy laughed, "Sounds like summat I'd love then!" she held out her hand, "A'ight then, 'and it over!"

Without even waiting for an answer, she snatched the folder and began browsing through it. However, Alfendi noticed that, the more she did, her face grew paler. With every page she turned, her eyes grew wider, and her body trembled more and more. She finally managed to speak as she handed the folder to Alfendi.

"I-I can't do this one..." she stammered, "Jus' tha' it-it 'its too close to 'ome fer me." he Commissioner nodded, "That's perfectly fine," he said. Loopy shook her head violently in reply, clenching her fists so tightly that her knuckles became white. She shouted.

"IT'S NOT FINE! I'M BE'ER THAN THA'!" she pointed at the folder, "I KNOW TH' CULPRIT! 'E NEEDS T' BE IN JAIL, BUT 'E NEVER WILL BE!!!" she grabbed the sides of her head, shaking, "If 'e finds me an' my siblings... 'e'll drag us back down t' where 'e 'urt us an' jus' repeat th' process." She took a deep breath, calming herself before giving the commissioner a fierce glare.

"I'm takin' this damn case, bud, whether ya like it or not."

Commissioner Barton nodded in acknowledgment. Alfendi then cleared his throat, "Loopy?" he said. The girl's attention turned to him. "You said you know who the culprit is... But how can you tell from a few pages?"

"Well, see now," Loopy pointed to the folder, "It said th' victim were found tied up to a cross, knives in their 'ands, bruises all over, an' th' words, 'Crucify Her' an', 'Pacify' sewn into 'er body" she continued, fists clenching once more, "Victim also 'ad red eyes. I saw 'em in 'er picture. An' I only know one man who did tha' sort o' thing t' people." She noticed her siblings were trembling, and she gave them a look of empathy.

"You know who I'm talkin' about, right?" she asked, already knowing what they would answer. Slowly, they nodded, Lucifer being the first to speak.

"Lucius Baker," he muttered just loud enough to hear, "Our Daddy..."

The room grew dead silent, the light from outside diminishing quickly, fleeing from the room and leaving the shadows to thrive and flourish.

Blaine spoke up, "How can you be sure? This could simply be a coincidence."

Loopy shook her head, "We'd 'ave t' be real damn lucky for it t'be a coincidence. I know 'e's capable of torturin' people like this. 'So damn mutilated that even God would be disgusted,' 'e would say." She turned to her colleagues, "Jus' look at my siblin's scars."

With a moment of hesitation, Blaine looked at the Bakers, examining them thoroughly this time. He saw the "X" on Loosha's arm, the words in Luna's body and Lucifer's arm. It hurt him. He turned to Lucas and Loopy, "I assume you have them too?" he asked. Lucas removed his shirt in reply, and Blaine understood why the young adult acted so beastly.

"You were raised like one, and that left you no choice..." He said. He then looked at who he thought was Loopy, "Ms. Lily?"

She blinked a few times before she gave him a look of confusion, "What? S-Sorry Blaine, it's me again." she said sheepishly, "It's Lucy."

Blaine nodded, "It's alright. I was wondering if you too have scars from your father. Loopy seems convinced your father is the perpetrator of our most recent case."

Lucy's eyes widened, "Really? Well..." she glanced at the Commissioner, "Not 'ere. Let's get to th' Mystery Room and start workin' ont' case."

The Commissioner nodded, handing them the folder and bid them farewell.

Once they reached the room, Lucy began to shake. Alfendi and Blaine noticed this whilst her siblings comforted her.

"D-Did she really say 'e was...?" she whispered. Her siblings nodded, Lucy sighing in response.

"Dammit..." she cursed, "I really don't wanna 'afta deal wiv' 'im again..." she muttered. She looked at her siblings, "You guys 'ead 'ome. I don't want ya workin' on summat so traumatizing." While hesitant at first, Lucifer then sighed, nodding before leading the others outside. Once they were gone, she then turned to the two Inspectors, "Well? You said ya wanted t' see my scars." she began to remove her coat when Alfendi panicked, "W-Wait, Lucy!" the girl stopped.

"Aye?" she questioned.

"Wh-Where-Where are these scars, exactly?" Alfendi stammered. Lucy shifted her gaze sideways before returning it to her mentor.

"Arms, legs, feet," she listed, "Some on my back an' nape." she continued to undress, removing her coat and moving on to her shirt. She blushed slightly, "Sorry ya 'ave t' see this..."

Both sides of Alfendi were disgusted to hear Blaine whisper, "Don't be~" before finding himself blush scarlet as Lucy finally removed her top.

The embarrassment was quickly replaced with horror, however, as he saw the words that had been sewn into his assistant's pale skin. She suddenly spoke, her tone dark and malevolent.

"It never ma'ered 'ow much we squirmed." she said, "Never ma'ered 'ow much we screamed, 'ow much we cried, 'ow much we begged for 'im t' stop..." tears fell down her cheeks as she ran a slender digit over each letter, "'e'd make sure to achieve 'is goal: To make us suffer till we died..."

She turned around, displaying the marks that littered her back. Alfendi's horror swelled at the sight of bites, whip lashes, and burns, faded with age.

"It's not just this, either." Lucy muttered somberly, sitting down to remove her shoes and socks. Once rid, she propped her feet up in a position for them to see. It took everything for them not to overreact at the burns and ripped skin on her soles and heels. Alfendi noticed that there were tiny discolored dots peppered on her feet.

She had been stabbed with needles.

"It still 'urts t' walk, sometimes..." Lucy said bitterly, "Sometimes I put a bit too much pressure ont' scars..."

Suddenly, the door opened, Fauna on the other side. She scanned the room a bit, not even bothering to yell at her brother, Lucy, or even Blaine. In her hands was a black backpack.

"Lucifer said to give this to you," she said, "It was his, so I tried handing it to him, but he said it would help y'all a lot more than him. Something about a case you guys got."

She handed the bag to Lucy and walked out, closing the door behind her while Lucy redressed.

"On that note, I think we should look into  the case ourselves, Alfendi" Blaine said, grabbing the folder and opening it. Alfendi joined him, looking over his shoulder.

The sight was gruesome. The victim, a girl by the name of Dihdna Fingrong, had been crudely attached to a large wooden cross, hung upside down with several words sewn across her body. Her eyes had been gouged out, and she was gagged.

"She had been missing for several years, and forensics found that she was 16 years old upon discovery." Blaine said, "She was also found in the woods, suspended in a lake."

Lucy's eyes widened as she turned to Blaine, only just getting her socks on, "A-A lake?" she fearfully whispered. Alfendi and Blaine turned to her and nodded.

This frightened the Detective Constable even more, her body beginning to visibly tremble. "Then it 'as t' be 'im, then..." she mused, "If it were a lake int' woods..."

Blaine took a photo out of the file and showed it to Lucy, "Does this lake seem familiar, Luce?" Lucy looked at the photo, her body seizing up in fear. Slowly she nodded, eyes wide and heart pounding.

Blaine noticed, quickly returning the photo to its pocket in the folder.

Alfendi decided to ask, "Lucy, you don't have to answer this if it makes you uncomfortable, but could you tell us how you know about that lake?"

Blaine glared at Alfendi, and was about to tell Lucy to ignore him, but Lucy answered. "I were th' only one alive who made it out at th' time, 'ow d'ya think I got adopted?" she said.

Alfendi mentally slapped himself. Of course. "Could you elaborate on the layout?" he asked, "Again, only if you're comfortable!"

Lucy nodded, finally getting her shoes back on and relaxing a bit, "There were th' cells we were kept in, plus a few torture rooms an' dir'y 'owding areas, then t' 'ead up, ya 'ad t' go through a cave that lead t' th' bo'om floor o' th' 'ouse," she looked at the duo to see them looking disoriented. She continued either way, "Once you were out th' 'ouse, ya ran a mile or two t' reach a lake wi' a boat ont' shore. An' before ya ask, we couldn't go around. Th' sides were infested wi' snakes an' spiders, some o' them lethal. But once ya were 'cross th' lake you were good for a few minutes. Then ya kept runnin'. Ran an' ran an' ran until you reached a trail, 'opin' there were people on it t' see ya."

She paused, clenching her fists, remembering how frightened she had been. All of her personalities were frightened. Before Alfendi could speak, she continued.

"If there weren't anyone ont' trail, ya kept runnin'. Up th' trail, down th' trail, it didn't matter as long as ya weren't caught. Ya never stopped runnin' until ya reached somewhere populated. If ya were caught..." she paused again, looking down and clenching herself in a self comforting hug as she remembered the bodies of the other children her father had caught, "You were bru'ally slaugh'ered, an' thrown int' lake. An' if you were really special..." she spat, "You were 'ung on a cross upside down, pointed t' 'ell, an' then put int' lake."

Finished speaking, she looked at the bag that Fauna had dropped off, "We really should look in that." she said, picking it up and unzipping it. She looked in and gasped.

"My God, 'e go'em..." She whispered. She then'll looked at Blaine and Alfendi, "Ya wanna see 'ow bad o' shape we were in?" she asked, handing them four photos from the bag, "Jus' look at these..."

Alfendi took the photos, beginning to examine them.

He wished he hadn't.

Alfendi felt his heart seize up. There, in a red dress and bleeding, was a young Lucy, face in complete terror as she held a teddy bear close to her chest.

"Mummy gave each of us a toy," Lucy said, "Lucifer go' a cat named Eve, Loosha go' a dolly named Elise, an' th' triplets got bears: Lucas 'ad Mochi, Luna 'ad Cocoa, an' I 'ad Strawberry." She looked down in sorrow, "Our dad never liked th' fact tha' we were given gifts, so 'e tried t' take 'em away... 'e only ripped off parts though..."

She peeked inside the bag again and yelped. Alfendi forced himself to tear his gaze from the photos and see what had scared Lucy. He heard her whisper, "Oh, God, 'e got those too..." She pulled out several packets.

Crudely made books, presumably made by children.

"We-We wrote these...!" Lucy stammered, "We wrote these cause we really thought we were worthless an' jus' needed t' ge' i' all out... There nowt but fantasy stories tha' really 'appened t' us..." She handed them to the inspectors, a sad, grim smile upon her face.

"Wouldja like t' read 'em?" she asked.

Hesitantly, Alfendi took the stack of books and picked up the top one, handing the rest to Blaine as the blonde man sat down.

He glanced at the title:

The Devuls Ofis

The cover had four keys drawn on it, three brown, and one silver.

Cautiously, he opened to the first page and began to read.