#IT GOT VERY UNFUNNY TOWARDS THE END

[stormz369]

☕💖 Can I Get Your Number? ☕💖 Ch 5

Jason Todd x (f)Chubby!Reader

written with a female reader in mind, first person pov, no use of Y/N, angst and comfort, will probably get NSFW later, let me know if there's anything else I should tag this with!

warnings: difficult conversation about the past, allusions to trauma, abuse, and body dysmorphia

wc: 1.8k

Chapter selection

I kept seeing glimpses of vigilantes after that night. Every Gothamite had a couple stories about seeing Masks, but five sightings in a week was weird, even after a villain prison break! So considering most of the major villains were behind bars or at Arkham at the time, and that most of these sightings were during the day, I was starting to get really weirded out. Signal made an amount of sense, but the rest of them were never seen during the day! And all of them just sort of standing around on rooftops and in alleys? Something was definitely up with the Gotham vigilantes. 

I mentioned it to Jason once. Only once. I had seen Nightwing and Robin whispering together in the alley behind my work. The looks on their faces when they saw me was too funny, and Nightwing's gravely “we were never here” before they grappling-hooked away had me wheezing. But the look on Jason's face told me just how unfunny he found it; for a minute I was concerned that he might try to fight them. I decided it was best to keep the sightings to myself after that; they weren't hurting anyone, most of the time they didn't even talk to me, and I didn't want him doing something stupid. Jason was so protective, and I wouldn't have him get hurt because of me.

Our relationship confused me a bit; in some ways we were moving very fast, but in others it was like we were at a standstill. Every day started with a good morning text, and ended with a good night call. Soon he was coming over every few days; sometimes we would cook together, but usually he brought takeout with him. We would eat and discuss the books we'd selected on our mall date. He would sit next to me on the couch; our knees would touch when we turned to face each other. Our hands would touch when I passed him a plate or a glass. Sometimes he would set his hand next to mine on the couch, and I'd rest my fingers over his. Every night on his way out he hovered by the door, and every night I thought he might lean in for a kiss, or a hug, or something. Instead, he'd stare for a minute, his face would turn pink and he'd mumble out a ‘g’night Doll’ and duck out. It would have been cute if it wasn't so frustrating.

I thought I was putting out all the right signals; I turned toward him when he spoke, didn't pull away when our hands touched, scooted closer when he sat next to me, leaned forward just a bit at the door. I wasn't sure if he was shy or uncomfortable, but I certainly didn't want to make it worse, so I wasn't sure how to get things moving.

Finally, after two months of this, I decided it was probably best just to ask him about it. I told him not to bring dinner, got everything to make one of his favorite comfort foods, and made sure it was ready when he arrived. His knock was quieter than usual, I almost didn't realize he had arrived. When I opened the door he had an unusually blank look on his face, like he'd put on a Halloween mask of himself.

“Hey Jay, … you alright?” I frowned slightly, moving to let him in. He hesitated before stepping inside.

“Yeah, I'm alright. How ’bout you?”

I led him to the dining room where the food was laid out. “I had a good day. I made that chili you like, and I- … are you sure you're ok? You look a bit tense.”

I had turned back to see him staring at the table, like he wasn't sure what he was looking at. “... You … cooked?”

“Um, yeah? … I know we usually cook together if we're not getting takeout, but the chili takes a few hours and I didn't think we’d want to wait until midnight to eat … is that ok?”

“... Y- yeah, that's ok … sorry, I … I thought …” he frowned, like his thoughts were a particularly complex puzzle he was trying to put together. “... I usually bring food, so … when you said not to I guess I assumed the worst.”

“Oh… oh! Did you think I didn't want to have dinner together?” He nodded awkwardly, staring at the table. “Oh Jason! I'm so sorry; I just wanted to surprise you with the chili. I love getting to eat together, promise!”

I smiled gently, holding my hand out to him. He slowly reached out and took it, squeezing a bit. “Me too… you … you're too nice to me, Doll.”

“No such thing. You feel ok now?” he nodded, smiling a little, and we sat to eat. The tension slowly eased out of his back as he ate. I tried not to stare too much, it seemed to make him a bit nervous, but I loved the look on his face when he was enjoying a meal. 

“... Jason, can I ask you something?”

“Sure?”

“... Is there a reason you haven't kissed me yet?”

He froze, looking over at me slowly. His cheeks were bright pink. “... W- was I supposed to?”

“Well, not necessarily supposed to, you don’t have to of course, but you could. … I just … Sometimes I think you will, but then it's like … you stop yourself? Is that right?”

“... I just … I don't …” he set his spoon down, chewing on his lower lip. “I'm … I don't want you to get hurt.”

I tilted my head a bit, confused. “... You're worried about hurting me?”

“Doll, I … you know who I am, right?” I nodded. “Do you … remember a few years back, I … was in the news alot?”

I nodded again; “yeah, … you were dead, and then you weren't.”

“... Yeah. I … I didn't … look like this before. … I was dead, and then I was back, and … I was suddenly in this body. I … I should be used to it by now, but I'm not. I still bump into things because I forget how big I am. I still break things when I think I'm being gentle. … I … I could seriously hurt you, and I don't want to, but … I don't know how to do any of this. I was a crime alley kid, and then I was learning to navigate life at Wayne Manor, and then I was dead. I've never done anything like this before, and I …” he took a deep breath, whispering; “I'm so worried I'm going to do something wrong, and you won't be able to forgive me…”

I slowly reached over, setting my hand next to his on the table. I hoped he’d take it, but I didn’t want to push. “... It sounds like you’ve been through a lot … too much.” He flinched a bit, looking away. “You had to figure out how to survive, and it sounds like you had to do it alone most of the time. … But you don’t have to figure this stuff out alone.”

His head jerked slightly, turning toward me but not looking up yet. “I don’t have a whole lot of experience either, but I think relationships are about figuring out life together.”

“... Most people don’t have so much they have to figure out though. You deserve better …” He whispered it, as if he was afraid I would agree with him.

I slid my fingers a bit closer to his, letting them rest against his just a bit. He didn’t pull away, but he didn’t take my hand either. “I would take this with you over anything else with anyone else.”

“... What if I can’t give you what you want?”

“What I want is for us to keep spending time together. Can we do that?” He nodded. “Then nothing else matters. We’ll do things as we’re ready for them. And if we’re never ready for something, if you’re never ready, it will not matter to me nearly as much as getting to keep this. Ok?”

He nodded slowly, looking at our hands on the table. He slowly flipped his hand over, finally letting mine slide against his palm. His thumb gently stroked my knuckles. “... I still don’t know how to do this though… What if I do something wrong?”

“What kind of ‘doing something wrong’ are you worried about?”

“.... What if I want something you don’t?”

“Then we’ll talk about it, just like this.”

“... I’m not good at talking things out.”

“You’re doing pretty good so far. And I’ll learn to read your body language for those days where you can’t find words for your thoughts. We’ll just have to be patient with each other. Ok?”

“... Ok.” He continued to stare at my hand in his, running his thumb over my knuckles delicately. “... Can … next time, can you tell me if you have a surprise for me? This was really nice, but … most surprises in my life haven't been good ones.”

I nodded. “Of course. No more surprises without some kind of warning.”

 “Thanks ... I … I do want to kiss you, Doll …”

“I’d like that too.” His eyes slowly met mine, and for a brief moment I saw through the imposing man to the little boy he used to be; he wanted to love and be loved, wanted the easy touches and simple intimacies of normal life. But something between childhood and adulthood had obviously gone very, very wrong, and he had locked away those wishes to protect himself. The look in his eyes, like a dying man in the desert stumbling upon an oasis, broke my heart; being nervous in a new relationship was to be expected, but this was something else. Someone had hurt him, and if I ever found out who … I wasn’t entirely sure what I’d do, but I had a feeling I would end that day in handcuffs.

As quick as I saw it, that broken look in his eyes was replaced by a small glimmer of hope, and he slowly brought my knuckles to his lips. I could feel my face heating up as I watched his face; he seemed to be looking for something in my eyes.

“... M- my turn?”

He slowly nodded, letting me lean forward a bit. I guided his hand to my lips and, starting with the pinky, pressed a gentle kiss to the second knuckle of each finger. Jason stared me down, and with each kiss his face got pinker and pinker. When I placed the final kiss on his thumb his lips parted, releasing an almost inaudible high pitched whine.

In the next instant he had one hand in mine, and the other pressed firmly to his face to hide his bright red cheeks. I chuckled softly, offering him a coy smile; “that was a very pretty sound~”

Next ->

Divider by: @saradika 

Taglist (open):

@jawdropforkpop @krys0210 @snowy-violet @superthoughts @wordsfromshona @mystic60  @iwannabealocalcryptid @morstuavitamea-a

[alicethenobody]

OMG SAME 100% FACTS TRUE i fucking hate how the dmc fans online keep making the same repetitive unfunny dante in debt jokes while being more empathetic towards both nero and vergil. like dante tends to have isolation habits or isolate himself from others to protect others, that's a common trope in fiction in general (especially japanese fictional stories but some western stories like The Boys or Spiderman has this trope too). These people are actually fucking stupid sometimes. Not to mention without Dante - Vergil and Nero wouldn't exist in the series. I'm also glad I'm not the only one who thinks Dante is one of the more realistic responses to trauma I've seen.

The way the DMC fanbase treats my boy Dante sometimes also reminds me of how the Tekken community treats my man Jin Kazama (especially on websites like reddit, twitter, and the YouTube comments section). They always show more empathy towards his father Kazuya (who is very similar to Vergil and Sasuke, man loses his family and goes down a dark path obsessed with power. also is the father of another character but is absent in their child's life) and Heihachi (who is literally just evil...like dude fucking killed his own wife, his own father, Michelle's father, Lidia's father, Leroy's entire family. dude unleashed shrek and killed innocent people.). Yet they mock Jin's mental health issues of survivor's guilt and low self esteem and make shitty jokes at his expense a lot. Jin lived a peaceful humble life with his mother Jun until Ogre attacked and Jin wanted to defeat Ogre to avenge his mother and also avenge the other fighters who were hurt by Ogre (ex. Hwoarang's master, King's adopted father). Then Heihachi who Jin trusted for years just betrays him by almost killing him via being shot multiple times. Then Jin finds out he was born with the Devil Gene thanks to his dad and has a hard time controlling it. His father Kazuya only cares about power and wants to kill Jin to get the rest of the Devil Gene for himself and Kazuya mostly cares about revenge against Heihachi. Most of the terrible shit in his life is out of his control. Like Dante, Jin also isolates himself from others out of fear his devil gene might hurt them or they might get dragged into the problems of the dysfunctional Mishima bloodline he's trying to end.

It also doesn't help that the creators of Tekken also lowkey hate Jin Kazama too, Harada blatantly stated in multiple interviews that he prefers villainous characters (ex. Heihachi aka Harada's favorite character), and Harada always wanted Jin to be a villain like his precious Heihachi Mishima but the team disagreed at first for obvious reasons (there are already too many bad guys/morally grey characters in Tekken, Jin is supposed to be the good mishima bloodline member he is supposed to be the good guy who doesn't let his trauma or family history make him bad, and it'd just be a repeat of Kazuya's story). Then Harada also assassinated Jin's character and made him OOC in Tekken 6's shitty scenario campaign story. Jin's potrayal in Tekken 6 completely contradicts his characterization in the older games (especially his Tekken 4 ending) and Jin is just out of character in that game, but the fanbase are usually idiots who don't realize that. So the fans bash Jin even more, and oh don't get me started on all the horrible fanfiction on ao3 where Jin gets r*ped by multiple characters because he hasn't suffered enough.

Both Dante and Jin deserve better, i hate it here it's always my favs are cursed lmao. (Ｔ▽Ｔ)

YEAAAH like I’m sorry but I think people are so overly critical of his actions in DMC5. I’m always gonna be of the belief he did nothing wrong in that game except for not telling Nero Vergil was his dad but he had reasons for not telling him like… the fact that he was afraid of cursing Nero with the same life he was living if he got too closely associated with either twin. And the fact that Nero most likely wouldn’t believe him (which Dante himself said) unless he had definitive proof for him. Dante is a man weighed down by the responsibility of protecting all of humanity, something any other person would completely crack under. So he thinks he can only let people in a certain amount or else they could get hurt. It happened many times, after all. Like I’d understand the criticisms of his behavior if he acted like a toxic asshole the whole time but… he really doesn’t. At worst he’s said something insensitive a couple times which… who hasn’t done that in their life and he felt bad about it both times it happened lmao (when he upset Nero in 5 and when he accidentally made Patty cry in the anime. Like he was actively miserable the entire episode because of it.) I’ve read such a weird amount of posts bashing Dante or fanfics that do the same.

Btw I’ve never played Tekken but that sounds shitty :(

[toy-powerhouse]

The Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles turtles have some serious “No Friends” energy: Or the turts lack a support network of allies and friends, so it makes the series feel empty

Maybe one of the biggest failings of Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (out of many other failings) is how the titular characters lack a (non-familial) support network. They don't really have any friends or allies, and what few friends/allies they do have are very underappreciated, underrepresented, and underutilized (Todd Capybara and Señor Hueso) or "upgraded" to the much more valued status of family members (April and Draxum).

Despite possibly being the most attention-seeking turtles ever to be created so far, they never seem to have any desire to receive attention from outside the family unit. They're all so insular despite constantly showboating in a world where largely no one has any issues with them being mutant turtles. For the most part, the whole world, both human and Yōkai, is their oyster, and they’re free to roam around and mingle as they please. Yet they're largely content to remain detached from it all. And, that lack of connection makes the series, and its entire universe feel so empty and so small in scope. This emptiness is made especially obvious when compared to other TMNT adaptations that do give the mutant turtles a stronger and plentiful network of friends/allies or at least have the turtles working towards building such close-knit ties with others outside their family unit. The 2003 series was so chock full of friends/allies, it ended on a big damn wedding attended by all the folks they befriended. Even if RotTMNT continued beyond 1 ½ seasons and a movie (technically, it’s two seasons, but let’s be real, season two is too truncated to count as its own season), it’d be highly unlikely that the turtles of that series would ever amass that many notable friends/allies.

We see some glimmers of interest that the turtles have in being a part of a world outside themselves, but aside from those fleeting instances, their disinterest in anything apart from themselves is palpable and never challenged in any major way. This limits the characters’ experiences, their development as well as the overall narrative. It makes all their wacky adventures or dramatic exploits seem repetitive and hollow in a way better kids’ shows mitigate with a compelling cast of supporting characters (i.e., friends and/or allies for the protagonists).

Instead, what RotTMNT lacks in platonic support it more than makes up for in enemies, albeit mostly underdeveloped enemies. The turtles just sort of gain enemies time and time again (because they’re usually unfunny obnoxious screw-ups), which makes their lack of reoccuring friends/allies even more noticeable. Big Mama, Warren Stone, Hypno-Potamus, Repo Mantis, Meat Sweats, the Purple Dragons, Ghostbear, Baxter Stockboy, Sando Brothers, etc., (Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, more like Everybody Hates the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, lmao). You get the idea; the turtles seem to have a talent for making more enemies than friends/allies.

But, with friends like the turts (correction: turds), who needs enemies?

The biggest middle finger the series shows to the idea of allies is when in the season one finale, “End Game,” the following allies join April and Splinter to rescue the turds as the B-Team: Bullhop, Franken-Foot, S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N., and Todd Capybara. Only for the quartet to be captured immediately and left for dead because they’re never brought up again in the episode. While each of the so-called "allies" of B-Team aren't given much respect both in- and out- of universe, Bullhop (real name Stanley) may be the least respected. In short, the turds ruined Stanley's life, showed little grace to the poor guy before he got unceremoniously ousted from the series. He got mutated by the Oozesquitos the turds had accidently released from Draxum's lab, the turds let him stay at the lair with them for a bit to make amends but were on the verge of kicking him out because he was annoying to live with (Gee, those sure are a lot of pots calling the kettle black…), only for him to leave anyway of his own volition. He then shows up one more time in "End Game" to get captured by the Foot Clan, and because this was his last appearance, it's probably fair to assume that he died/was killed while the other three managed to escape unscathed. RIP Stanley, I know he must be ballet dancing his heart out somewhere in cartoon heaven.

It's characters like Bullhop combined with other infrequently or one-time occurring allies like Casey (Sr.), Señor Hueso, Marcus Moncrief (aka Jupiter Jim), Sunita, Piebald, Red Fox, and so on that show how little the series wants to commit to giving the titular characters a stable support network built on trust and camaraderie. The closest we get to a true, ride or die ally and friend is Todd (see “Todd Scouts” and “Anatawa Hitorijanai”) and even he barely gets any respect. In “Anatawa Hitorijanai,” he provides them with a haven away from the Shredder when he’s taken over New York, forges them weapons they use to save the day, and he receives no thanks or any real acknowledgment for doing any of it which makes the turtles come off as very ungrateful to their greatest ally and friend. The way in which the series represents friends and allies is, at times, tinged with a dismissive, even mean-spirited undertone that feels like a slap in the face to themes and messages that the franchise often represents.

TMNT is a franchise that’s narrative is built on connection and the desire for misfits to find acceptance. In many adaptations, the turtles pine for meaningful relationships outside themselves and Splinter. And, while this theme doesn’t need to be the focus of every adaptation, its absence in RotTMNT does strip from the characters an extra layer of depth and misses out on an opportunity to make them more relatable to members of the audience, especially those who’ve ever felt alienated.

If RotTMNT wanted to focus more on the familial relationships of the titular characters instead, that would be one thing. However, even the development and depth of those familial relationships are lacking. For instance, Splinter’s neglect of the turtles is never truly confronted along with the impact of Raph’s parentification (the underdeveloped family dynamic is something to be expanded upon for another entry in my lengthy list of grievances with this adaptation).

There was so much potential to explore new relationships for the turtles outside their own little world. The introduction of Yōkai opened new possibilities for the characters with them being able to be among other non-humans (the underdeveloped role of Yōkai and their Hidden City is also a topic for another day). Even the more lenient human world offered a new perspective. But, like all things surrounding Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, it was just more wasted potential.

[mdhwrites]

Going back through TOH's episodes, it strikes me how boring they are. Part of the problem seems to be how criminally unfunny the show is, generally speaking. I can count how many times I've laughed on one hand. In fact I can list them:

There was the "It's been my dream since I was a boy" guy pushing kids off cliffs (Moving Hassle), Luz's "He'll be fine" after throwing Hunter overboard - and then his subsequent re-entry (Hunting Palismen) - and lastly Luz tumbling offscreen in front of Amity after a spider crawls on her face (Grom). That's 3 scenes, 4 jokes if we're being charitable. And sure, maybe my sense of humour is just incompatible with TOH's and I'm being harsh.

But I can't deny that I just feel like there's no rewatch value in TOH? Like it's just... the jokes are so bad to the point it's not fun, it's not entertaining, it's a slog, I see no value in retreading the same ground. And I am a SERIAL rewatcher! This is coming from someone who spends maybe 85% of their time experiencing the same stories! I love seeing well-done media all over again, because even if I know what's going to happen or what they will say, a well-structured joke or a skillfully delivered line is still gonna engage me.

I can't even recommend the show to anyone because I HAVE in the past... and what ends up happening is they watch the first couple episodes, get bored, go "I recognize that you like this, but it's not my thing" and drop it. And I CAN'T BLAME THAT! Because that's how I reacted too when I got into the show! I only stuck with it because it seemed like it was going really interesting places. And it tried to, I think, and failed.

I'm also a very fandom-heavy person so TOH's boring episodes have made it increasingly harder for me to stay within it. Because I'm not rewatching anything, I can see myself in real time as I forget more and more of the plotlines, and even a lot of the characters. It's just... kind of disappointing. It's like I just had a gradual fizzling out of interest. I don't even hate the show, which might be better in some ways - instead I just can't muster enough shits to feel any type of way towards it.

I rambled a bit but I guess my ultimate ask here was: what are your thoughts on whether or not TOH manages to entertain new/old viewers?

So I like S1. I think the characters are what carry it and that they are at their most interesting, EASILY, in S1.

The vast majority of S1, in terms of concepts and executions for plots, is OKAY AT BEST.

This actually just comes down to a simple tonal decision of TOH and also just the fact that a boring world with boring magic creates little to do with bog standard plots and TOH actually has a LOT of bog standard plotting. It is a pretty classic story structurally and takes genuinely very few risks in the structure... Which is okay in theory.

There is nothing wrong with not reinventing the wheel and TOH talks a big game about subverting tropes but no. As a fantasy fan, I can tell you this is EXCEPTIONALLY normal. Like... Insultingly from how much it talks a big game. Especially because if you're going to do classic, you have three options: Shoot the moon, lean into the unique elements of your concept or do it VERY. VERY. WELL.

And remember: They did a body swap episode and it is one of the most hated episodes of the entire show. That's not a good sign.

But this touches on the second problem I brought up: This is a boring world with boring magic. Because TOH's fantasy world is so basic, has little magic and little flair with its magic, it inherently limits what it can do. Now, it doesn't have to be this way but the show made it this way with how little we see of it, how limited it is (like how plant magic is 99% vines), and how often it just blatantly makes one to one comparisons between it and our world with effectively NOTHING altered like how the covens are just jobs, right down to them being introduced through a job fair and a boring one at that.

So when we look at a classic episode concept like the body swap episode, the three plots are... Easily replicated elsewhere. One person gets in trouble in the swap's job because they don't know what they're doing (with the most unique twist of this actually landing them in prison), a classic animal plot where they're taken in by a place that seems cozy and then isn't with literally no changes, and finally... Teenager pisses off bullies and agrees to jump DEAD MAN'S GORGE! But instead of skateboards and people really building it up, its rat beasts.

None of these plots are actually bad, they're go tos for a reason, but... No one is bringing anything special to this. Luz is entirely ignored so her character may as well not matter, Eda is doing NOTHING to add to her plot and King... King is fun for about two minutes leading the bullies and otherwise is just any other character in this situation. It's not bad, I personally enjoy parts of the episode... But it's nothing special. From the second the thing that X character is going to do is revealed, you can guess every step of the plot and they don't even really throw in good jokes in the process. A couple jokes but nothing memorable because everything is weirdly subdued compared to how other shows would be, even in an episode that is definitely trying to be more over the top.

And this runs into the inherent tonal issue of TOH: It doesn't want to be an adventure comedy. Those are genres that are commonly really over the top. They hear jump the shark and go "How about a shark jumping ten other sharks in order to finish making a can of tuna for their fire giant overlord?" And the face of this fact, in that the genres it pitches itself as for the first two episodes!

TOH flatly refuses to be silly and over the top. It's characters are very... 'realistic'. I don't mean real, just that they're meant to feel more mature by being more in control. They don't let them interrupt each other for a joke, they don't let a character be potentially OOC for a one off gag like Hop Pop screaming "EAT THE RICH!" or Sprig asking "Have you ever killed a a man, Hop Pop," and I can only think of one time Luz got mad for the sake of a joke and honestly, yelling about the Rusty Smidge barely comes across as a joke because of how genuine the anger feels after a point. Otherwise, stuff that would normally get exaggerated frustration or the like to at least let you laugh at the reaction just... doesn't get one, like how Luz yells about Luzura being killed off but then... Just walks off and is passive aggressive mostly instead of even exasperated. For a drama or romance, this is not a bad approach but for even just an adventure kid's show... It's not great to put it mildly because people meet odd situations with weird levels of nonchalance. Not quite irony poisoned levels but getting there.

It's why TOH is mostly remembered for the romance and drama episodes. Not only do they allow some of the romance scenes to actually include melodrama, they also just fit how the characters act better. It's why Amity has some of the biggest emotions of the series and why Lumity have such great lines between each other because they're actually willing to lean into the sort of genre fiction that they're doing. This is also why S2 works better than S1 because a lot of the pretense of being a comedy adventure gets dropped but like... There's still plenty of boring in S2 with stuff like how Elsewhere Elsewhen takes time travel and includes a couple jokes at the beginning and then is just... horribly bland and barely qualifies as an adventure.

This lack of allowing people to be emotional and jokey also leads to the reliance on comic relief characters. People like Gus, King or Hooty, or S2 Lilith, who the characters can mock in someway, including the writers. Characters who can be the punchline even if it means a lot of people come off a lot meaner than they should, i.e. Luz absolutely rejecting Hooty for the vast majority of the series despite supposedly liking the weird and rejected. That also means that most of the time they're not on screen, either the scene starts getting pretty dry or you have a character suddenly warp to be comic relief, like how Eda gets in some S2 episodes like Elsewhere Elsewhen or Eclipse Lake where suddenly she's MUCH more of a joke than she normally is and also REALLY bad at it too and seeming potentially brain dead for it. Thanks to Them even does this to Amity even though she is probably the last person in the cast to make sense as a sudden clutz.

All of this stuff makes it so that if you go in wanting a kid's show, a fantasy show, ANYTHING that is pitched in the first episode... S1 is going to be just okay to you. I enjoyed it... But I also fell off when I first watched it. I thought the characters were good but none of it stuck with me as actually memorable and I watched until I think Adventure in the Elements. I never was never compelled to come back until Lumity animations (literally THE Little Miss Perfect animatic that is nowadays probably hard to find actually) made me go "I remember this show being neat." And Lumity was what kept me, not because I was generally laughing or calling these episodes something special. In fact, that sense of unsatisfaction is probably why I watched through it faster than Amphibia. No one episode of TOH is really great to watch on its own because... It's just kind of boring, or like half of it is boring because the B plots across the board are SO BLAND. S1 or 2 for that matter since Lumity starts getting boring B plots like with the archives or finding out the author of Azura. Both concepts btw that could have been really interesting setups and instead... If you're not into blushing Amity, get FUUUUUCKED.

That's without getting into REPETITION. Repetition kills comedy so King having one joke for S1 and also taking up like half of the B plots for the first ten episodes means you are going to be in agony eventually anytime someone talks to him because you know where it's going and you have DEFINITELY heard this joke before. And you know, he also gets three repetitive B plots which just hurts the joke even more, even as they try to make twists on it, and hurts the feeling that the show is doing... Anything..

It's just not good. Which is probably why once the characters and the 'subversive/unique' elements of the show both weakened, more and more people left because... Why would you keep watching this then? Those elements are what made up for boring plots with boring execution in a world that didn't allow for more interesting storytelling because it had few ideas and expanded on NONE OF THEM. So of course people pitch it using the elements that say "this isn't like other kids shows/fantasy shows" because if you pitch it to people who like those... They'll just be disappointed eventually and bored quickly. Like i think a lot of people did to be quite honest.

And a lack of creativity, and a lack of genre understanding, isn't something time could have ever fixed.

======+++++======

The short version of proving this point btw is going "Compare Bumi's introductory episode, which is a character giving three trials to prove another's worth, versus when the Bat Queen challenges Luz. One is exceptionally funny, interesting and has genuinely interesting twists while the other is... There. So very there. Painfully just... there. Not even bad, just... There.

Also, yes, comedy is extremely subjective which is why I tried to talk more about how a lot of these premises are boring because that can be a bit more objective.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past.

I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead.

If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[ivyial]

Okay, I just saw your other ask about leshley/eagleone and felt like I had to get in on this because ever since RE4Make came out, I've been going crazy over this ship. I have always found it cute in RE4 OG, but now it's driving me crazy. I cannot understand how many people miss the many implications that Leon is trying to flirt during certain parts of the game. Like seriously, come on, pals, he's being so awkward, trying to sound cool and give compliments that end up sounding weirder than he intended. And I don't know if it's just me that noticed this, but I find it funny how Leon talks to Ashley in certain moments like it's the easiest thing to do; then, in other parts, he really has no clue how to speak to her. Does that not scream attraction to anyone?

i'm with you on this one. i don't know how people miss EVERYTHING about them. like they don't even go "oh?" at times when they're playing. it probably depends on the mindset you have when you're playing. if you're hyperfocused on the action, maybe you'll miss it. idk. on social media, there are two broad types of people who have negative reactions when it comes to leon/ashley:

1. aeon shippers (mostly, can be other shippers as well, but they're mostly chill because they themselves get forced into a corner by aeon stans) who think it threatens their ship

2. people who are fiercely anti-romance when it comes to whatever media they consume and consider it to be dumb and actively making a good piece of media worse (because in their eyes, romance is a lowly preoccupation to have)

and both groups are super bitter for no reason lmaoooo. you might have noticed a tendency in media discourse recently on social media that is very anti-romance - a few weeks ago, it became a whole thing on twitter because of the bear (the tv show) and the ship between sydney and carmy, to the point where even official media outlets started talking about it. romance is considered dumb. everything that contains romance is essentially a bad soap opera. blah blah blah we're all too smart for that. there's a very strong, almost puritanical anti-sex sentiment going around at the moment as well, and i wish it was just some isolated issue within fandoms overpopulated by young teens, but people lost their minds over two sex scenes in oppenheimer for god's sake. and if i had the time and willpower and knowledge, i'd turn this into a discussion about how that ties into humans being obsessed with moving away from every single instinct that they have, but well.

i also agree with the second part of your ask, about leon's attitude towards ashley. tbh, leon can't flirt for shit: most of the time, he's awkward (RE2R, the fence scene with claire: i can never tell if he's attempting to flirt, or if he's just awkward because there's a cute girl right in front of him) or even downright unfunny (was he trying to flirt with jill in death island? was he trying to lighten the mood? idk man leon is a bit of a whore so). he tries to flirt all the time: we got shen may in infinite darkness, ada, etc. we know he isn't smooth.

so one thing that really sticks out in RE4R is his tone with ashley, in two specific instances (maybe more): the one i mentioned in my previous ask, when he says "i can catch you", and when he sees ashley asleep on the bed in chapter 13 (and calls out to her). these are two very intense and high-stress situations where he kind of reverts back to RE2R leon (nick does a great job at conveying the difference in maturity in leon's voice in both games). he's very distressed. why does that matter? because fucking shouting ashley's name when there are two enemies 10 meters away (we know that, he doesn't, but the island is riddled with ganados, so why would he even try?) is the stupidest decision a special agent could make. and yet he does it anyway. there are other instances of leon being in a similar situation, yet he still retains that deeper tone of his - see his first encounter with krauser in chapter 11.

and it's not just because he's doing his job, which is what one of my friends argued, because you don't go around flirting with the person you're tasked to rescue for shits and giggles. not to mention, that's the president's daughter. if he was just doing his job, he'd stick to the plan, be stoic and get her home and that's it. that's what's required of him. implying that the first daughter is hot as fuck and that he doesn't usually enjoy his regular missions nearly as much as he does when he's with her isn't part of his job description. there's a difference between being a decent guy and not treating her like cargo, and overtly flirting with her.

i think he's also very awkward with her at first because he's toeing the line between what's acceptable and what isn't, so he can figure out if there is grounds for flirting and it's not wholly unwanted on ashley's part. then you get that pep talk in the castle, which is when they really start to get comfortable with each other and when he attempts some physical contact that isn't just 100% necessary. she reacts well, which explains why he takes it further in chapter 9. he spends the rest of the game painfully distressed and by chapter 16, they're all over each other (jetski + taking her hand to run to the elevator - leon, the girl is smart, she knows how to run and follow you).

leon has a crush. plain and simple. he doesn't know how to deal with it, except for the few times when he does and the flirting is technically reciprocated. idk how people can't notice the plain signs of attraction, even in a generation that is as recluse and introverted as mine tends to be, but they're very obvious once you start paying attention.

[acacia-may]

Acacia~! 💖

If it’s alright, I have two ships to ask about… 😅

Could you share your thoughts on Finral x Finesse and Levy x Gajeel, please?

Hi Erika! It is always so lovely to hear from you. I hope you are doing fantastically and finding lots of time to write and enjoy your favorite things! 💖 Thank you so much for the ask. Of course you can ask about more than one pairing. ^^

Finral x Finesse

Finral x Finesse does make sense and compels me to an extent (though I'll admit other pairings for both of them compel me more personally 😅). It's a very sweet ship, and I can see how they would be well suited for each other since they are both very kind, generous, and selfless people. I love the idea of them each getting to be in a relationship with someone who is equally as big-hearted as they are, and I can imagine them being extremely happy together even if the circumstances in which they would be getting together aren't the best. As I've been pretty vocal about, I have extremely strong and very negative opinions about the idea of Finral returning to House Vaude in order to marry her and that kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth with regards to this pairing which I otherwise like and enjoy based on their interactions and dynamic alone.

I just really, really wish this ship wasn't so tangled up in the House Vaude succession drama (plus does she have to be engaged to his brother? Why is that necessary??). It's just so much more complicated than it needs to be and often times very messy and not handled as a well as it should be especially when it's tied to such heavy, life-altering decisions like Finral returning to his abusive home (i.e. it's often played for melodrama and extremely unfunny laughs. It was also introduced really late and don't even get me started about the whole Langris thing...). It's these outside circumstances that really make it hard for me to go all in for a pairing I probably would have enjoyed a lot more under different (better) circumstances, but I do like them and understand people who really ship them and don't mind the handling of the pairing in the canon. It's just hard for me to look past that so I have complicated feelings about it.

Gajeel x Levy

Gah I freaking adore this ship! It's my favorite pairing in all of Fairy Tail no question at all. Their relationship arc was incredibly compelling and was one of my favorite plotlines in the entire series. I went in knowing that they were a canon ship but not really knowing anything about them. Needless to say, I was a little perplexed in the beginning seeing as they had that whole enemies to lovers thing going on, but it was really interesting to get to see how their relationship developed over time and I'll admit I got super invested.

I'm not always the biggest fan of enemies to lovers, but I think Gajeel x Levy is a really great example of how good that trope can be. I love that they found forgiveness and understanding then built this friendship with each other based on mutual respect. Gajeel knew he had to prove to Levy that he was sorry and that he had changed, and he showed this with his actions, knowing that it wasn't enough for him to just say he was sorry and that things were different. I also loved that his character arc, while inspired by Levy and (eventually) his love for her, was also independent of her and was something that Gajeel wanted for himself. He wanted to better himself and to become a man who was worthy of her regardless of whether Levy ever returned his affections, and I found that incredibly refreshing, compelling, and wholesome. I was really rooting for him throughout his entire arc, and the selflessness and devotion he shows not just towards Levy but towards his other friends as well by the end of the series is really moving. I was honestly a little misty-eyed during his incredibly heartfelt and vulnerable confession.

By believing in him and choosing to see the best in him, Levy inspired Gajeel to see himself as something more, something better than he ever believed he could be, and I love that he inspires and builds her up too (like when he helped her during the Tenrou Island arc). They really do have this great dynamic. I adore their banter and the way they balance each other and help each other explore different points of views and ways of seeing the world.

I could ramble about this pairing forever, but yes, I think they make a lot of sense and I ship them so, so much. They're absolutely compelling to me, but I can understand how some people might not be a fan of this ship given its beginnings and the inexcusable actions of Gajeel during the Phantom Lord arc. For me though, I think the series did a very good job of making a compelling slow burn for them and showing that Gajeel really had changed and had become someone worthy of Levy and her love. I am personally very glad they got their happy ending. Thank you so much for asking about them! 💕

[cosmic--dandelion]

I had completely forgotten about this until I recently rewatched Stardust Crusaders, but you know how the group split up again after Polnareff, Avdol, and Iggy fought Vanilla Ice?

That happened because Polnareff ran off by himself, again, and Jotaro ran off after him to stop him from getting himself killed. It's a long shot, but if they had been able to fight Dio as a team, maybe Jotaro and Polnareff could have kept Dio away from Joseph long enough for him to help Kakyoin. Or hell, Jotaro might have activated his timestopping powers right then and there to save Kakyoin or at least make sure he didn't die alone.

This is especially aggregious because Polnareff already (almost) got Avdol killed rushing off by himself without a plan or understanding how the enemy's stand works, then he turns around and does the exact same thing, right after Avdol really does die protecting him and Iggy sacrifices his life to save him. Except this time it's Kakyoin who gets killed. The same Kakyoin who saved Polnareff's life over and over again during the Hanged Man arc and helped him avenge his sister. Who straight up beat the shit out of Polnareff to teach him this lesson.

This comes across as very harsh toward Pol, but I'm not entirely sure it would have been in character even for him to do something that stupid at such a critical time. The final arc has a lot of frankly wonky characterization from Iggy throwing his life away for someone he barely knows and doesn't like to Kakyoin being stupid enough to challenge Dio by himself with no backup plan to Joseph actually letting him do it to playing a moronic unfunny prank on poor Jotaro after the latter had the most traumatic, psyche-scarring night imaginable and they just lost three of their friends.

I've never been a huge fan of how this part ended and I'm all too happy to ignore it for fanfic purposes, but it would be interesting to explore how this decision affected Polnareff, especially with how close he and Kakyoin were.

[genlossneg]

Okay so like. I didn’t have any interest in this, my boyfriend did. He’s been talking about it since the first streams, all of the stuff in it he finds cool, and how novel it is as a piece of media. He loves it, he’s dropped a lot of money on merch for it (which to be fair, the merch looks sick as hell I’m not even gonna lie), and he really wanted me to watch the founder’s cut when it came out. Well, I watched the founder’s cut and I just gotta say. It’s awful. I was so unbelievably bored, and when I wasn’t bored I was annoyed. Honestly I think the worst part for me is Slimecicle. He is remarkably unfunny, annoying, and obnoxious, and if his absolutely piss poor excuse for comedy was completely surgically removed (haha see what I did there?) it would make it a lot easier to tolerate all of the other badly done elements of it. Pretty much none of the attempted humor was funny to me. Maybe if I liked the streamers already I would have found it really funny, but I maybe exhaled out of my nostrils like 2 times total. I’m not sure what the consensus is with the Gen loss community about its humor but it did not hit for me in the slightest.

It feels like little of importance was happening for 65% of the runtime, the acting is terrible, the pacing is bad, and it’s just. It’s not even remotely good until the last like 45 minutes of the cut. I just could not bring myself to care, it felt like a constant barrage of “this happened, and then this happened, and then this happened, and then this happened.” Over and over. It wasn’t scary at any point, and I still, even after managing to just BARELY sit through the entire thing, don’t understand how so much money and effort went into this if this was the end product. I was not familiar with any of these streamers besides Jerma and Vinny Vinesauce, which the Founder’s Cut does woefully little with, so I had absolutely no connection to any of the characters. If there was some effort made to actually get me invested in who the characters are maybe I would have felt more positively towards it but it feels like I’m supposed to go “HOLY SHIT A STREAMER I LIKE OH MY GOD”, which might have worked if I was at all into ANY of the people here. It felt like there were no stakes and nobody was taking anything seriously until the last “act” or whatever when they’re running around the mall. I see what it’s going for, I can read into the metaphor about the dehumanizing nature of producing content for an audience and stuff, but just wow. The worst part is that I was just so bored the entire time. It feels like a “you had to be there” kind of thing, and since I wasn’t there, none of it appealed to me in any way.

I don’t know, this clearly isn’t a piece of media made for me but I spent the entire time I was watching TRYING to like it and it just was not it. Ever. At any point. The ending was okay I guess, I like it conceptually, but having Hetch (I think that’s his name, I don’t really recall and I’m not scrolling through the cut to check rn) trying to be a glorified game show host over the only bit of the end I kinda vaguely enjoyed kind of ruined it for me a little bit. Idk. Having Ranboo say “thank you” as his head was turned into a mid at best blood effect was the only bit that made me feel much of anything besides annoyance or boredom. I like the whole concept, but pretty much every part of the execution was horrifically botched, I feel like I shouldn’t have to like the people involved already to be invested in even one of the characters. Maybe the streams were better but I just don’t have any desire to watch them.

Maybe I’m being too mean here but yeah, I basically forced myself through 2 and a half hours of some of the most amateurish “horror” content I’ve ever seen and it felt like I got very little out of the entire viewing experience besides 45 minutes of content that got dangerously close to being okay at best.

this has been sitting in my inbox since the founders cut came out and i was going to respond to it once i watched it but clearly that is not happening anytime soon, so i can't speak to that specific experience but i definitely think watching it live added to the experience at least a little since the audience had a lot of chances to make decisions which kept it at least a little engaging. im not shocked the founders cut is super jumpy because they condensed a lot and the filler, while annoying, did keep the pace reasonable. i agree w a lot of your overall critiques and thanks for sharing a founder's cut take!!!

[mrultra100]

Ultra's Ramblings- The WWD '13 Retrospective

“Every fossil tells a story… even if said story is a bunch of jumbled-up nonsense”

As hard as it is to believe it, this month marks the 10 year anniversary of the Walking with Dinosaurs movie, which originally came out in theaters all the way back in 2013. I’m just as shocked as you all that this damn thing’s been around for an entire decade now, but nonetheless, I feel like a quick article is in order to describe some of my personal thoughts on the movie, and how it could’ve been great.

For those who don’t have context for this mini-retrospective, along with the film in question, this was a movie adaptation of the much beloved Walking with Dinosaurs mini-series made by the BBC. The documentary set out to show off the lives of dinosaurs, along with the other animals that they shared the world with during the time. Unlike later nature documentaries like the Planet Earth series, which focus on various scenes of different animals living in the same type of habitat (Deserts, Islands, etc), WWD’s episodes respectively set themselves in a single location, with the focus being on a central animal. New Blood focused on Coelophysis in Arizona during the Late Triassic, Cruel Sea showing off Ophthalmosaurus living on the Jurassic islands that would one day become Europe, Death of a Dynasty being focused on T. Rex in Hell Creek before the KT extinction, etc.  While the science behind this show hasn’t aged well during the nearly 25 years since its release (coughcough150tonLiopleurodoncoughcough), the storytelling present throughout the 6 episodes were beautifully crafted. And that aspect of the franchise stuck around for the various sequels and spin-offs that would follow in the years since. This thing even got a stage show for Darwin’s sake! It’s safe to say that, as the first big paleo-documentary to come out after Jurassic Park, WWD has left a pretty big impact for paleomedia as a whole, one that we’re still feeling to this very day.

With all of that said… where the hell did the movie go wrong? To answer that question, some history is needed. Back when this film was first announced, the plan was for the movie to have no dialogue (aside from the narrator, obviously). It would’ve been like a theatrical version of the original show, if it wasn’t for the hivemind of brainless, money-grubbing executives at Fox, who saw the movie in its early stages and thought “Hey, why not add in a bunch of unnecessary voice overs, dumb jokes, and pointless pop songs into this film?” It felt like they were trying to cash off of The Land Before Time, despite that franchise being a zombie begging to go extinct at that point. And thus, that’s how this film was hijacked to be nothing more than brainless nonsense aimed at little kids. That just not only feels disrespectful at the franchise as a whole, but it’s also disrespectful towards children. I, along with many others, grew up with the original series growing up, and they had things like a pair of cynodonts eating their own babies, the Liopleurodon suffocating under his own weight on a beach, a recently-hatched Gastornis being eaten alive by a swarm of giant ants, the gorganopid’s mummified corpse during the early Permian segment in Monsters, Chased by Sea Monsters ending with an entire horde of mosasaurs converging on the Ancient Mariner (And possibly devouring Nigel Marven and his crew), among other things. Yes, this movie had a few frightful moments, with the biggest being the forest fire scene, along with Patchi and Scowler watching their own father get killed off by one of the Gorgosaurus during the aforementioned fire (And that scene didn’t felt forced), but a good portion of the time, it’s just unfunny jokes and pop songs.

With all of that said, while much of the film reeks of suck, there are some good things to be had here. Firstly, the animation. As much as I wished they used props and puppets like in the original show, the animation still holds up well even after 10 years. The dinosaurs blend with the live-action environments, and for the most part, they still hold up with scientific accuracy. Another point to bring up is the setting that this movie takes place in. Keeping up with the tradition of the franchise showing lesser-known animals and ecosystems, this film is set in Alaska, 70 million years in the Late Cretaceous. During this time in Earth’s history, the dinosaurs that lived here had to deal with long summers, where the sun didn’t set for months. On the opposite side of that, the winters that followed were freezing, with the moon looming over the dinosaurs’ heads for an equally long time. It was a tough place to live, and the dinosaurs who lived there adapted to live in the cold. Not only are species like Pachyrhinosaurus, Gorgosaurus (which was renamed as the more-fitting Nanuqsaurus in the Prehistoric Planet re-cut), Edmontosaurus, Edmontonia, Chirostenotes, and more were showed in the film, they looked gorgeous with their designs.

And as much as this film’s humor is child-friendly to an excessive degree, I do have to admit that I liked Alex a good bit. Don’t get me wrong, a good portion of his jokes are some of the lowest common denominators I’ve seen in a film, he still had my interest a good bit. The scene where he helps Patchi realize that living for something he loves is better than dying in vain was one of the few times where the film felt genuine and not-forced. If the dialogue wasn’t so riddled with brain dead humor and had a vibe more like a mix of both the original show and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, I certainly would’ve liked it more. Back to Alex for a bit, my final comment about him is how I feel he might actually be a sort of god…

…I know you’re about to laugh at me for saying that one of the characters in a bastardized movie adaptation of a beloved paleodoc is a god, but hear me out a bit. At the start of the film, he telepathy talked to some kid in the modern world as a crow, morphed into an Alexornis and flew off into the Cretaceous somehow, is able to break the 4th wall multiple times, was somehow able to rewind footage of the film itself, even fade out of existence at the end of the film. I might be crazy for this, but Alex might be some sort of all-powerful, telepathic bird god. How else can he talk without his beak moving? That right there is the magic of a literal deity, and we should've all realized this back in 2013 and given him the respect he deserved! THE TRUTH NEEDS TO BE MADE!

Amen, sorry for all of that. I went a bit crazy back there. Getting back to the topic at hand, those are my thoughts on Walking with Dinosaurs 2013; A film based on one of the most legendary paleomedia franchises, but was ultimately wasted potential by out-of-touch parasite executives. They went and turned the WWD brand into a laughing stock, and it still stings to this day. All of this makes me appreciate modern paleodocs like Prehistoric Planet and even Life on Our Planet from Netflix even more. At least they both had visions that weren’t dabbled with alot. All of this were my personal thoughts on the movie, so if you want more in-depth looks into the movie and its history, check out the videos made by Kody Cook and Rickraptor105, along with the Letterboxd review made by IsaiahCTorre. They all made great reviews discussing what went wrong with this fossil. Oh, and speaking of fossils…

Ę̴̘̖͎͇̹̲͇̱̞͇̺̫͎̲̟͖̰͚̰̰̥͈̣͔̰̬̹͔̥͙͋̀̊̌̎̈́̋͛̊̓̂͛́͒͛͑̉͛͒̑̂̉͛̀͆̀̀̾͗̄̈́͛͋̈́̆̊̌̂͐̈́͆͌͊̕̚͠͠͝͝͝ͅͅͅV̷̧̢̢̨̧̡̢̛̛̟͇̘͔̣̭̤̰̠͖͚̝̲̳͚̹̖͍̖̮͇̞͈̺̝̹͔̻͚͚̠͈̥͕̠̱̤̦͍̺͐̏͝ͅͅȨ̴̡̛̯̘̟̯̙͍̖͔̯̰̭̬͍̯̮̗̞̣͕͔̮̦͚͖̰̱̼̺̖̲̻̪̹͈̫̤̭̙̠͓̦̬͎̩̉̎̿̂̉̏́͒̅̅̒͋̑̇͊̈́̈́͋̒̌̓̕̚͜͜͝R̷̡̡̨̡̖̠͓̼̪̖̗͎̝̱͍͚̼̱͖̩̖̻̠̝͍̗͈͕̘̹̼͕̲̦̞̩̘̱̭͇̪͖̗̫̤͇̰̳̊̋̀͜Y̸̨̨͓̘̯̖̰͎͇̙͕̓̆̓̈́̂̽̌͜ ̶̡̧̡̡͉̙̠̯̳̥̗̲͙̲̲͎͉͚̱̼̹̯͇̱͙̹̫̘̺̗̤͉͍̙͕͚͍̂̾̔͒͒̈́̕̚͜͠F̸̯̜̞̮̪͉̲̟̯̗̹͕̝͖̜̳̼̠̳̰̖̆̔͗͒̂̌̀͌͘͝ͅͅǪ̸̢̧͓̰͔͖̞̙̮̳̗̠͚̼͇͎̮̪̥͉̬̰͉͕̙̲̹̤̤͔͚̦̫̮̪̳̻͖̦͌̀̍̿͒͗͜͝Ş̴̥̻͖̬̣̬͖̜̹͚͎̘͕̞̪̎̎̎͝S̴̢̡̯̲͔̙̥̱̮̘̣͎̣̖͕͈̥̪͈͉͎̮̼̦̣͍̫̜̈́̇͒̈́͛̆͗̒̔͑̀̈́̎͌̿͒̿̽̊̌̈́͐̈́̈́̒͑̈́͗̈́̈̿̈́͛̋̊͋̇̀̚͘̕̚͘͘͜͝͝I̵̡̛̠̿́̀̄͒̎̑͂̑͆͊̀̾̏̚͝͠L̷̡̢͎̘͈̥̲̄̎̆̀̓̿̔̋͛͐̓̚̚ͅ ̶̨̢̡̨̛̛͔̱̬̱̙͓̫̦̦̹̬̠̞̻̻͈̝̰͔͇̙̦̥̫̰̠͉͎̩̦̱̠̼̪͆̄̓̇͌̎̍̿̈́̂̎̄̀͆̓͒̽̒͌̄͛̅́͊̉̾͂͜͝͝T̷̡͓̤͙̺̖̻͎͓̭̠̤̄̑͒͐͊̊̃̂̐̑͋̅̄͋̐̓̊̿̎̋́̈́͌̈́̈́̆̎͐̅̓̓́́̅͋̾͋̈́̄͒̏̈́̏̚͘͝͠͝Ȩ̵̢̨̧̨̛͙̪̹͔̗̣͚̺̠̲̖̪̤͙̩̟̠̳̱͖͚̳͗̊̂̒̿̒̂̃̾́͛͋͆̾̊̐̓̃͋̃̅̐̓̍̃̀̒͌̆͗̐̒̆̄͋̄͂̓̂̅̎̀̚͘̕̚͘͜͝͝ͅL̵̢̛̜̯͈̮̎̽̆̎̑̒͑͋̽̀̈́́͛̌̊̂̉͆̓̈́͆̀́͂̇͐̅̉̈̋̓̿̆̔́͑̈́̾̆̈́͐́̇̽̎̽̒͘͠ͅĻ̶̨̨̡̢̧̡̧̛̛̱͇̥͙̬̦̪̪̥̼͔͔̰̻̥̠̲̹̳̗̗̪͇̲̗̞̜̤̘̟̙͉͎̱̬̥͗̈́́̐̑̓̀̀̆̆̈́̒̊̊̒̈́̀͂̅̋̈́̄́͒̉́̃̾̆̈̓̈́͑̆͋̋͝͝ͅŞ̸̨̢͖̙̩̻͇̞̞̳̅͆̄̃̍̍́͛̈̎͋͌̇̍̊̍̋̑̋͘ ̶͔̹͇̠͈̠̭̑̄̇̔͛͌̈̉̔͒̄̚͝͠͠͝Ȁ̸̧̡̧̛̙̘̞̦̫̤͕̰͓̙̱̗͎͕̝͋̾̇̈́̄̃̓̓̈́̔̀̄̓͆̕̚͜͜͠͝͝ͅ ̶̨̢̡̢͔̦̖̪̱̥̣̭̝̥͙̱̝͇̦̠͆͋̀̊̚S̵̡̖̙̟̻͙͕̖͕̙̣̻̩͚̥̼̪̞̈̓̆̑͋̅͑̃̍ͅŢ̴̧̨̧̢̧̛̛̛̠̮̙̪̯̱̳̗͙̣͔͉̳̟̳͈̝̻͕̼̬̱͕͎̤̼͔̖̳̄̾̓́̓͆̐̇͗̈͗͛͒͂̊̈́̍̇̄̊͌͜͠͠͝͝Ô̸̙̥̦̍̇͌̈́̑̅͂̋̎͆͂͛̎̊̇̽̊̆̿͠͝͝͝Ŗ̶̢̛̘̜͕͉̹͕͎͎̹̯͈̤̼̲͈̪͉͆̆̽̅̑̑͒̓̈́̽̽͐͆̽̀͂̋̒͌͛͗̂̔͌̀͋̈́̏̋͌̆̀̚̕͘͘͝͝͝ͅͅỶ̷̧̡̛̫͕̳̼̘̗̝̭͓̪̦̝̗̱̗̞̦͓̻̝͖̻̰͈͉͉̼͚̘̗̬͈͙̔̎̈́̅̂͗̌̑̌̌͂́̐̐̉̑͗͂̑͛̏͒͋̄́̓̾͊̾̊̅̍͆͒͋͗̕̕ͅͅ

[be-themessenger]

1, 2, 27, 38?

1. what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

um good start. this one is tough !!

first thing id say the different approach that my mother and father used w me growing up. mother was cold, harsh and most times violent, dad was kind, funny and playful always. this made me one who sees love, tries to be grateful for it, and then is followed by a harrowing voice telling them they do not deserve it, just like when as a child, one is asked to leave the toy on the shelf where they took it. but it also taught me to be patient and mild even when you're feeling emotions that range from uh-oh-disappointed to world-destructive rage i guess.

then i have to mention the latest 5 years of growing awareness on social media, where people finally got to louder w their disgust at absolutely unfunny jabs and jokes and situations involving minorities. i tried to learn what can i do to become a better person in general. i also learned more on traits that are characteristic of depression and were problematic within my past friendships. it made me realise i was/am just ill and seeking to protect myself from normal things that were unfamiliar and risky as they wouldve brought conflict between me and mother.

third thing is a huge fear of loss. i am scared of losing everything. my phone, my bag, my cards, friends, home, my dearest memories, artistic touch, people's approval and support. i have lost most of this and i will continue to lose as i do not know how to hold my hands tight.

i'm sorry rana, this one question went towards a very miserable direction as I cannot think of anything positive abt me at the moment :// i guess i still need time 🖤

2. show us a picture of your handwriting

lyrics from omd's 2nd thought + a bit of johnny's hand w his jag !

27. any nicknames?

lots of them. i dont really have a name i want to go by yet but my dearest @heartbeatkitty finds a different cute nick for me everytime we talk 🤍

38. fave song at the moment?

this song is basically telling me i must Eject myself out of this body as soon as i can 'because it dont suit me' and as it ends im like 'yeah noel i wish man i just dont have the time to u know'

thank u so much for asking ! 🤍

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really That Bad?

Lindsay Lohan is probably one of the saddest cases of what happens to a child star that you can imagine. Once a promising talent starring in beloved films like The Parent Trap, Freaky Friday, and Mean Girls, everything seemed to be on track for Lohan to have an incredible career… and then came the downward spiral. When you put the weight of being “the next big thing” on the shoulders of a child, it’s not gonna be easy for them to cope, and so this led to underage drinking with her mom, erratic behavior, and several trips to rehab.

During one of those trips, she was released to film a movie: I Know Who Killed Me. And while filming it, the subhuman leeches we know as paparazzi harassed her incessantly. The poor woman could not get a break at all, and in the end it led to a film that was so poorly reviewed and bombed so hard that it not only derailed her career in a way she couldn’t recover from, it got eight Razzie nominations (which is meaningless to be fair) and destroyed the director and writer’s careers pretty thoroughly. And worse than that, Lohan became the punchline for every unfunny hack television comedian out there. It really shows just how callous people were towards former child stars a little over a decade ago.

But as time has gone on and sympathy towards children abused by the Hollywood system has become the rule instead of an exception, this film has started to be reevaluated. In the 2010s and 2020s the film has started developing a cult following among people who appreciate its Giallo-inspired surrealism, intriguing plot, and its reflection of Lohan’s real life troubles in the plot. This isn’t exactly an uncommon fate for films of the 2000s led by then-controversial actresses—Jennifer’s Body has received a similar reevaluation and cult classic status—but considering just how reviled this film was when it came out, it is a little surprising to hear.

Then again, I think it’s pretty apparent this film could never be so bad; no matter how I would end up feeling about this movie going in, I knew that ultimately whatever hate this film got was likely overblown due to the tabloids at the time being out for Lohan’s blood. Now that I’ve seen it, and keeping what I just said in mind… Is I Know Who Killed Me really that bad?

THE GOOD

Lindsay Lohan, full stop.

While the writing surrounding her characters isn’t always amazing, I definitely think she’s putting her all into the performance (well, maybe not her all; those clauses in her contract kept her from full nudity in the strip scenes, which I honestly think was good). Dakota is a bit of a jerk with a heart of gold, and while she has a lot of flaws she ultimately comes off as the most noble character in the movie… for whatever that’s worth.

Also, as amateurish as it is, I am a sucker for the red-blue color symbolism the movie has going for it. I also really like the weird and surreal elements of the movie, like the psychic link and stigmata. These things aren’t taken quite as far as they could be, sadly, but it’s a bit more creative than you’d think a film like this would attempt. One thing that can’t be said about this film is that it isn’t stylish, even if it’s stylish in a pretty simple way.

The very best thing about this movie, though, isn’t even anything in the actual movie. Rather, it’s how this movie is a parallel to Lohan’s own real life. Dakota is an angry, flawed human girl who wakes up one day mistaken for this perfect angel of a girl that she clearly isn’t, and everyone around her keeps insisting she’s this perfect girl, all while ignoring her pleas for help because it’s just not convenient for them. It’s eerily on the nose in symbolically portraying the nightmare scenarios Lohan had to experience, and it manages to help at least make the film a bit more compelling than it would be otherwise.

THE BAD

So the movie has a lot of great subtext about how its plot can kind of relate to the nightmare Lohan was going through in real life. That’s neat, but it’s more a happy coincidence than anything that lets you recontextualize the film. What we actually have in the film is just...okay.

There are so many intriguing elements in it: Psychic twins! Stigmata! Red and blue color contrast! Buying a baby off a crackhead! But none of these elements are really held on or fleshed out enough to really be interesting. Like, look at the reveal of who the killer is. It turns out the killer was Aubrey’s piano teacher, a character who had one appearance at the start and basically never appeared again until the climax. His motives are unclear, his obsessions aren’t explained at all, all those prosthetic legs he has hanging around make no sense… Like I get ambiguity is important to these kinds of movies, but there’s a point where ambiguity goes from making something unsettling and mysterious to being really annoying. And it’s an easy fix too! Like give him a more sensible obsession like, oh, let’s say hands (he is a piano teacher after all) and then maybe at the climax have him go into a whole monologue about why he likes women’s hands. Maybe it’s because when he was a child he saw a picture of a famous painting in one of his school books and got a boner. I don’t know, just throwing out ideas here.

It doesn’t help that every single character in this movie is a cunt except Aubrey and her mom. Dakota I give at least a little slack, because having a jaded but driven protagonist is always fun, but she fucks her twin sister’s boyfriend and is pretty hostile to the people around her. Aubrey’s dad bought Aubrey off her bio mom and never told his wife and refused to help Dakota at all until the very end despite knowing she was right, the cops are all utterly incompetent and unpleasant, Aubrey’s boyfriend cheats on her at the drop of a hat just because he meets a girl who looks like her… It’s really hard to root for anyone here. Again, Aubrey and her mom are sympathetic, but they’re barely in the film. Aubrey is a plot device more than anything, and her mom just spends much of her screentime being a punching bag, facing Dakota’s anger or having to listen to her fuck Aubrey’s boyfriend, and by the end of the movie her husband is dead too.

Speaking of the ending, the movie just ends. Like Dakota finds Aubrey, lies down next to her, and then… That’s it. There’s not much in the way of closure of any kind, there’s not really any sort of ending… Maybe this wouldn’t be quite as frustrating since this is pretty typical of these kind of thrillers and can be effective, but the entire rest of this film is filled with so much surreal nonsense and amateurish storytelling and use of symbolism that it feels like a cheat. And the thing is, they had an ending that would have justified this! On the home media releases, there is an alternate ending that reveals the entire story was merely a book report being written by Aubrey, who essentially split her personality in two to make the twins (which is suggested by her smoking while she writes and the fact she’s wearing purple. You know, red plus blue).

And suddenly, everything makes sense: The amateur use of color-coding. The nonsensical symbolism of owls. The characters all acting like assholes. The lack of closure or cohesion. This all feels like shit a teenager would write… and with the original ending, that’s what it would have been! It probably still would have infuriated audiences, but I think it would have added a bit of brilliance to the film that would have helped it find its cult audience faster. It’s definitely not the film-saving masterpiece alternate ending that Fatal Attraction has, but I think it would have been a pretty bold way to conclude the film as opposed to the literal nothing that we got.

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

Like I said, it could never be quite as bad as critics said it was, and it’s definitely not bad enough to deserve so many Razzie nominations; everything bad said about this film is colored with the disgusting disdain for a troubled young woman who buckled under the gaze of the entire world. The question then becomes, “Is this movie any good?” And the answer to that is… eh.

Look, I can see why this has a cult following, and honestly, if you want to get a teen into Giallo films this is an okay choice as “Baby’s First Giallo-Inspired Thriller.” But I find the whole thing to not really rise above being just an okay movie at any given opportunity, and a lot of the symbolism and writing choices are extremely shallow (even if I mostly find it charming). If you’re a fan of the movie, more power to you! I certainly don’t hate this film. I just don’t particularly love it.

With that said, this score is just unfairly low. Somewhere between 5.6 – or 6.1 would be fine. Nothing about this movie is so offensively bad that it needs to be skirting with landing on the bottom 100. It’s a perfectly okay thriller with some decent parts and inspired elements that I just never felt congealed into anything greater, not some truly abysmal piece of garbage. I think I’d compare it to films I’ve already reviewed here like Boxing Helena or Gigli, films that never get to be quite as good as they should be but have unfairly negative reputations around them.

So yeah... I’m sadly not part of this movie’s cult following, but at least I can acknowledge it has gotten a pretty unfair rep due to forces outside its control that people weren’t particularly empathetic towards back in the day. It’s ok.

[yaminerua]

This one got away from me a bit yesterday and I fell behind again, haha. I might try to smush today's prompt with tomorrow's to try to catch up again.

As always, prompts are by @a-literal-toaster-wtf

Anyway Day 4's theme was Family, and I couldn't help but think of Jim and Bexley. Needless to say it does cover a bit of Lister’s pregnancy.

Words: 6238

****

The last year or so had, for lack of a better word in the English language to adequately describe it, been pretty smegging bizarre. Perhaps it hadn’t really been any stranger than the year before it, after all waking up from stasis 3 million years after you went in to find that the human race had all but petered quietly out of existence around you while you’d been frozen in time had been quite a shock on its own to say the least, but it had certainly done its best to match that level of weird and expand it to newer and more mind-boggling ranges of nonsense.

Most recently, in one of several misguided attempts to orient themselves towards Earth and find their way out of the uncharted, seemingly unpopulated vastness of deep space, the Boys from the Dwarf had wound up skipping into a parallel dimension and come face to face with versions of themselves which had been familiar in some ways but also very, very different in others.

As if that on its own hadn’t been more than enough of a dosage of strangeness to call it a day, the encounter had ended – as many ill-advised, drunken liaisons do –  with one David Lister discovering that he was somehow, impossibly, incomprehensibly, ‘up the duff’, as it were.

Sure, he had known that children were in his future, he had seen the two crying little boys with his own eyes in that brief lightspeed anomaly that had allowed him to glimpse snapshots of things that were yet to happen, but with circumstances as they had been at the time the revelation had led to much curious speculation over just how exactly it was going to come about. Lister was the last living human being after all, floating through deep space on a ship populated only by a computer, a hologram and a humanoid who had evolved from what had once, long ago, been a regular black cat. With no women on board, it had seemed only logical to assume that somewhere out there, waiting to be found, was the person who would one day be the mother of his children.

Well, he hadn’t exactly been wrong about that per se… The mother of his children had indeed been out there. He just hadn’t exactly anticipated that it would end up being himself.

Rimmer had found it absolutely hilarious when it had all first come to pass, when that final little piece of the jigsaw had fallen impeccably into place, filling in the mystery once and for all. There was something almost poetic about it in a strange way, something karmic and deeply, deeply amusing about being impregnated by your alternate universe self, and the sheer thought of it had had him snickering and guffawing at frequent intervals at Lister’s expense throughout the process of Lister’s own staggered, reluctant acceptance of his own fate.

The hilarity of it had, of course, only been short lived. Once the reality of the situation had finally settled and it had dawned on them that Lister was, in fact, going to have to endure a full term of pregnancy if these boys were going to actually be born the full picture had blossomed then into cold, sobering clarity and suddenly become quite decidedly unfunny.

For what felt like an endless eternity after that, Rimmer had busied himself reading book after book on pregnancy, trying and failing to take in as much information as he possibly could ahead of the big day, treating it like he would any other exam or test (which inspired no confidence in anyone who knew Rimmer’s track record with those) while Lister just dealt with it in the only way he could, which was largely by continuing to pretend it wasn’t actually getting closer and closer with every passing day.

The logistics of how exactly things were going to work had been something he hadn’t wanted to think about too closely so it had fallen to Rimmer to read up on it himself instead because at least one of them had to be prepared for this and if Lister himself was going to shirk that responsibility despite having been the one to put himself in this situation in the first place then Rimmer was, as usual, going to have to pick up his slack.

That had been much easier said than done, however. Being a hologram, he’d had to rely largely on the assistance and coordination of the skutters to hold the books and turn the pages and whenever those had failed he’d had to turn to Holly and used vocal commands to navigate pages on harsh, bright screens that made his eyes feel like they were burning in their sockets after hours of staring at them.

Rimmer had never realised just how much went into a pregnancy. He’d never had cause to learn it properly before, of course, but there was no time like the present to suddenly decide to become informed. He’d done his best to attempt to supervise Lister’s eating and drinking habits to ensure every possibility of a healthier birth, and he had reprimanded him every time he had so much as even breathed in the direction of his cigarette packs or alcohol.

He’d drawn up timetables, plotting each significant milestone of the pregnancy, and bored Lister half to death with all the fussy, pedantic little things he did to try to take control of the whole situation and after enduring it for as long as he could Lister had finally rolled his eyes and groaned in aggravated frustration one day and pointed out how much he was starting to sound like a nagging, controlling husband. Rimmer had choked and spluttered in disgusted horror at the implications of such a comparison and had promptly disappeared off to some quiet, isolated part of the ship and avoided being anywhere near him for the rest of the day, which had come as a welcome relief.

Eventually, of course, the slow, steady march of time had brought the final day upon them and there had been no way to continue to put off acknowledging it any longer. By then, thankfully, a few important things had changed on board Red Dwarf. The biggest of these had been that they had acquired a new crew member, a service mechanoid by the name of Kryten who they had crossed paths with once before.

Kryten was well equipped to be able to assist in all manner of things, mostly pertaining to the upkeep and maintenance of the ship’s general tidiness but he also was quite competent in numerous other fields and was, importantly, capable of learning new skills and good at comprehending and retaining the information which was far more than could be said for Rimmer, who had at one point found himself more than halfway through a chapter on natural childbirth before he had belatedly remembered that Lister wouldn’t be experiencing it that way and had flipped, mortified, to the chapter on C-sections and promptly been rendered entirely unable to focus well enough to take anything in.

With Kryten’s presence on board, Rimmer had been privately relieved to discard the initial plans for carrying out the daunting procedure, which would have largely involved him trying desperately to coordinate the skutters to work together to deliver the twins without accidentally killing them or Lister in the process.  Needless to say, that was one role he had been more than thankful to be able to hand over to someone else.

When the big day finally arrived, he had tried with all his might not to give a single solitary smeg about any of it. He had been as carefully nonchalant as was possible as Kryten had come in to wheel Lister off to the medical bay, waving after him with a falsely bright “Don’t die, Listy!” as he’d watched him disappear down the corridor. He’d swallowed about as much of the nerves as he could keep down but the fact of the matter was that, in all honesty, he had been absolutely petrified. The little matter of his own continued existence relying heavily on Lister’s survival through this crucial procedure aside, there was – deep, deep down where not even Rimmer dared to investigate – a genuine concern for Lister’s wellbeing in its own right. He didn’t exactly like Lister, and he made that patently clear at every available opportunity, but he didn’t hate him – didn’t really want anything bad to happen to him. Certainly not something bad enough that they wouldn’t be able to laugh about it afterwards (even if Rimmer was the only one who might have been laughing).

While Kryten worked what he hoped was medical magic behind closed doors, Rimmer had paced along the length and breadth of the corridors like a man possessed, wringing his hands and vibrating with anxiety. Several times across the excruciatingly long duration of the procedure, he had become increasingly, frustratingly aware that this behaviour was doing absolutely nothing to shake off the appearance of ‘overly-concerned husband’ but given that the only other person bearing witness to any of it had been the Cat who honestly couldn’t have given a smeg, he’d simply brushed it off and pushed it down every time it had tried to resurface.

When finally, after what had genuinely felt like an eternity, the doors to the medical bay finally slid open and a self-satisfied, proud looking Kryten had walked triumphantly out, wiping his hands, Rimmer had nearly bowled him over with his aggressive impatience. “Well?” he’d snapped urgently, nostrils flared and lips drawn together in a tense, thin line. “What happened? How did it go?”

Kryten had simply smiled genially at him then and announced happily, “It’s two boys!” and if he had been capable of it Rimmer would have throttled him right there.

“I know it’s two boys you half-chewed rubber-headed git! I’m talking about Lister!”

Kryten had been a little put out by the outburst, blinking sheepishly down at the floor, the smile on his face wiped off in an instant. “Oh, yes of course,” he had said, fidgeting slightly before recovering himself and straightening up. “Mister Lister is going to be fine, sir. He just needs to rest up and keep clean.”

Rimmer had rolled his eyes sarcastically and scoffed. “Oh, fantastic, he’s doomed then is he?” he’d said wryly but there hadn’t really been any bite in it. At this point, now that presumably the worst of it had come and gone, he’d simply been left too exhausted for there to be any genuine hard edge to it. In all honesty he’d just been filled with an immense sense of relief that the whole thing was largely over and done with now.

Kryten had paid the remark no mind, instead deciding to inform Rimmer that he was heading off to prepare the room the twins would be staying in once they were ready to do so and had given him permission to go in to see them if he wanted to, requesting only that he be mindful not to wake Lister and then he had been off leaving Rimmer with nothing better to do than do precisely that.

That had been a good few hours ago now and as Rimmer sat peering down into the little crib at the tiny sleeping bundles destined to be named Jim and Bexley, he felt the weight of all these past weeks weigh down heavily on him, equal parts relief and exhaustion.

This had been more work even than preparing for his exams had usually been. At least with those he had been able to take breaks away from it but living with a pregnant buffoon that you had to effectively supervise and educate yourself about had felt like an endless job he had never willingly signed up for.

The boys had been moved into their new room by now, just down the corridor from the bunkroom so that it was near enough to be easily accessible without the sounds of screaming and wailing being too close and loud to get in the way of Lister’s much needed rest or get too much on Rimmer’s nerves.

Lister himself had been moved back into his old room – mostly because he had apparently insisted on it – however given his current condition and the effort that getting up onto the top bunk would have required, Kryten had carefully placed him on the lower bunk without Rimmer getting much of a say in the matter. It didn’t really matter all that much anyway. Lister had already been forced to relocate to Rimmer’s bunk as his growing size had limited his movements so it wasn’t so much of a leap to let him keep using it a little longer. He was pretty certain that once he was finally able to be granted access to his own bed again after Lister was fully recovered he was likely going to have to fumigate the whole mattress and all of its covers but that was a problem for a later date.

It was strange that it was over, all that build up, all that preparation that had been made in advance of this day and now the moment had passed. Now all that stretched on ahead was a new and entirely different situation and it was one that Rimmer was secretly dreading in an entirely different way.

Jim – or was that one Bexley? He couldn’t remember – hiccupped gently in his sleep and snapped him from his thoughts, catching his attention as he shifted a little, letting out a soft, gentle vocalisation as he turned towards his brother. They were so small, so fragile-looking, and Rimmer felt entirely out of his depth thinking of the responsibility of keeping them both safe. He didn’t know the first thing about children. He doubted Lister knew any better. This whole thing was surely going to be a disaster.

Bexley – or simply ‘the other one’ – whimpered slightly, a small, feeble whine that threatened to escalate into something else. “Shhh,” Rimmer said quietly, as soothingly as he could, indicating urgently for the skutter sitting by his feet to initiate the gentle rocking motion he’d instructed it to do in events like these, anything to try to keep the boys content and quiet, though he knew that would only be able to work for so much longer before the problem became something that genuinely required someone else’s assistance.

That was another thing about being a hologram that was going to make this new future difficult to handle. He couldn’t touch anything which meant that he’d be useless at any of the more hands-on aspects of looking after children. There was nothing he would really be able to do to stop the boys from doing something if they wouldn’t listen to his commands (and if they turned out to be anything like Lister was, that was a very likely outcome). Not only that, but he wouldn’t be able to help feed them, or hold them, or change their nappies or any of that – not that those duties would have fallen to him anyway. The most he could hope to do was simply sit as he was now and watch over them quietly, speak to them occasionally and try to soothe them with his words if they started to cry, rocking them gently back to sleep with the aid of a skutter to handle the movement for him.

He supposed he shouldn’t really feel as bereft as he was about this whole thing. These weren’t his children in any capacity. They were Lister’s through and through. Rimmer was effectively just someone else who shared the same space as them, a strange ghostly uncle of sorts at the very most, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to be a little more involved in the process, at least a little. Maybe he just wanted some kind of evidence to prove to himself he’d have been any good at this…

He sighed, gesturing for the skutter to ease the rocking to a gentle stop now that the twins seemed to have settled back down again.

He lost track of just how long he sat like that watching the two of them sleeping on peacefully but it must have been quite some time. Kryten had popped in every now and then to check on them and even the Cat had swung by to squint curiously down at them and comment that he hoped they would have better dress sense than their daddy when they grew up.

When the door to the room slid open behind him some time later with another gentle hiss he expected it to be Kryten so when he turned round to find that it was in fact Lister making his way with some difficulty and no small degree of discomfort towards the cot he had to bite his tongue fiercely to keep from shouting for him to get back to bed.

Catching himself in time, he opted instead for hissing the demand but Lister waved him silent, all stubbornness and disobedience as always. “I want to see my boys,” he said firmly and Rimmer couldn’t really argue with that.

He stood up from the chair he’d been seated on and shifted over to the one next to it that Kryen had been using earlier, letting Lister drop down heavily and breathless on the one he’d just vacated, watching the way he winced with pain and clutched at his lower abdomen. “You really should still be in bed, you know. You can’t just walk around all willy-nilly after you’ve been sliced open,” Rimmer said matter-of-factly.

Lister simply offered a partial shrug and leaned carefully forwards over the cot as far as was comfortable, beaming down tiredly but joyfully at the two little boys he’d brought into the world.

“Aren’t they fantastic?” he cooed, awestruck, reaching a hand out to tentatively brush his fingertips feather-light across their little cheeks. “They look just like me.”

“Well,” Rimmer began, his tone sarcastic and utterly unsurprised. “When your mother and father are the same person what do you expect?”

Lister shot him a look, unamused, and turned back to look down at the twins again. “Alright, Rimmer, leave off. Yeah, it’s a bit unconventional but it’s what happened, alright?”

He could hear Rimmer let out a small, indignant ‘tsk’ to his left and decided not to acknowledge it. He wasn’t going to let anything he had to say ruin this moment for him after everything it had taken to get here.

He sat back in his chair, eyes still twinkling proudly, warmly, down at the wholesome little sight, a single shining gift in what had otherwise been a cold and difficult couple of years to process. Behind his ribcage, he felt oddly light, a rosy glow of affection radiating out from his heart and expanding to fill every inch of him, making him feel positively giddy, though that might have also partly been the painkillers.

“I always wanted a family,” he confessed quietly, suddenly, eyes softening with a wistful, distant look of longing. “A proper one, I mean. The one I got did their best but, well…”

He trailed off, ending the sentence with a shrug and a shake of the head. Rimmer didn’t say anything, didn’t really know what to say.

A heavy silence settled between them, oddly tense, before Lister decided to break it again. “Never actually knew me real dad. Or me mum,” he began, speaking aloud to no-one in particular, peeling back the more private, personal layers of his past just a little, giving Rimmer a few more pieces of a jigsaw he’d previously only had scraps of before. “I was left in a box under a pool table in a Liverpool pub when I was still a baby. No idea why…”

Rimmer bit back the urge to say that explained a few things. It didn’t seem appropriate. Instead he remained quiet, watching Lister out of the corner of his eye, noting the way he chewed anxiously on his bottom lip, a little agitated crease forming between his brows, staring absently into the distance for a moment before affixing a falsely bright smile to his face and shaking his head, attempting to mask how he really felt about the whole thing. “I like to think they had a good reason for doing it but… I dunno.” He looked down at Bexley, who had unconsciously grabbed hold of Lister’s finger in his sleep, his tiny little hand loosely clinging on unknowingly to someone to whom such a simple human gesture meant so much.

Lister swallowed hard, struggling to push past the tight little ball of emotion that had formed in his throat. When he spoke, his voice sounded choked. “I always wanted to have sons of me own one day, so I could be there for them, watch them grow, y’know? Do what my parents couldn’t.” He laughed, a little incredulous, disbelieving sound, as he looked around at the room. “Didn’t think this was how it’d end up happening though.”

Rimmer huffed a short, curt laugh beside him, hollow and humourless, and Lister shot him a glance, eyebrow quirked slightly in curiosity. “What about you?” he asked after a moment, searching the tightly drawn lines of Rimmer’s face. “Did you ever want to have kids one day?”

Rimmer didn’t look at him, didn’t dare to. He could feel the burn of that inquisitive stare boring into the side of his head but he kept his gaze fixed straight in front of him, locked on nothing in particular, and Lister watched carefully as he swallowed slowly, adam’s apple bobbing above the collar of his uniform shirt.

“I don’t know, to be quite honest with you,” he admitted quietly after a moment, a rare fragile, vulnerable quality to his voice, honest and open in a way Rimmer only occasionally allowed himself to be. “My parents expected me to of course – they expected us all to – but I don’t really know if that kind of life was ever actually in the cards for me.” His face crumpled slightly and a harsh, sharp laugh ripped its way bitterly out of him. “Well, obviously, of course it wasn’t – just look what happened to me!”

Jim stirred suddenly in his sleep in the cot, disturbed by the sudden sound, his little face scrunching up momentarily, seeming just about ready to burst into tears and Lister readied himself to react but the moment never came to pass. He simply settled back down and kept on sleeping peacefully, which was a much appreciated relief for now.

Rimmer became very quiet then, introspective and solemn, his whole form seeming to shrink into itself as he sat with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped tightly between them. He bowed his head and looked down at them, agitated, flexing his fingers tensely as his brows knitted together.

“I don’t know if I’d have been a good father. Guess I don’t have to ever find out,” he said bitterly, the muscles in his jaw tensing noticeably as he wrung his hands together. “I didn’t exactly have what you would call ideal role models so maybe it’s for the best.”

Lister regarded him sadly, sympathetically, and had to fight the overwhelming urge to reach out there and then and place a supportive, encouraging hand on Rimmer’s right knee. Given the circumstances it would only have made the mood worse.

He’d heard Rimmer talk about his family life before and each revelation had been steadily building a much more detailed picture of Rimmer’s past and all the smegged up little things that had made him into who he was today. He knew very well that he wasn’t joking about them being less than ideal, in fact that was something of an understatement. They’d certainly done a number on him, that was for sure.

Not wanting a repeat of the gloomy mood that talk of his parents usually caused him to descend into, Lister tried for an optimistic, sympathetic smile. “I dunno, man. I think you’d probably have been alright,” he said, and somewhat to his surprise, he meant it quite genuinely.

Rimmer, however, didn’t seem to agree. He scoffed derisively at Lister’s words and rolled his eyes, doubtful. “Oh, please, I know you don’t actually believe that.”

“I do, man. I do,” Lister insisted gently and then, seeing the persistent look of disbelief still painted stubbornly across Rimmer’s features, he huffed a sigh and looked down. “Look, so your parents were smegheads and they got a lot of things wrong but that might’ve worked out in its own weird way. I mean, think about it. Now you have a pretty comprehensive list of things not to do to start off with. Can’t go too far wrong if you stick to that, right?”

Rimmer considered his words for a moment and then begrudgingly offered a stiff nod in agreement. “I suppose,” he said quietly, contemplatively, but there was still a noticeable note of bitterness to his voice, like he still didn’t quite believe that was enough on its own. “What does any of that matter anyway? I’m never going to get to find out what kind of father I might have been.”

That same awful, suffocating silence as before descended once again upon them and this time Lister didn’t know how to break it so he didn’t try to. Instead he let it hang in the air around the two of them, thick and heavy, until one of the twins coughed and startled himself awake.

Lister was quick to reach for him, scooping him up and cradling him tenderly in his arms, crooning softly to him as he rocked him back and forth, the gentle motion enough to stall whatever waterworks might have been about to follow.

Tiny and curious, his little face squinted in enchanted bewilderment up at Lister who beamed warmly back down at him and planted a quick little kiss upon his forehead. “There you go, Bexley. Let’s not wake up your brother just yet, yeah?”

Rimmer found the affection hard to look at, like staring directly at the sun, so he tore his gaze away and fixed it instead upon Jim who had thankfully remained peacefully undisturbed.

“I still think you could have gone with better names than Jim and Bexley,” he said pointedly, glad for the slight change in subject. “There are so many more appropriate options out there.”

Lister shot him an impish grin, mischief glinting gold in the brown of his eyes. “Oh yeah?” he said, raising an eyebrow. “Still trying to make Arnold Lister happen are you?”

He waggled his eyebrows teasingly and relished the way Rimmer dissolved into a spluttering flustered mess, the tips of his ears flushing scarlet red in mortified horror.

“Don’t,” Rimmer said warningly, not wanting a repeat of the last time he’d innocently suggested the name. “You know what I meant when I suggested that, Lister. Don’t try to turn it into something else!”

If he hadn’t had his hands full, Lister would have held them up placatingly. “Okay, okay! I won’t,” he insisted but Rimmer seemed doubtful, suspicious, unwilling to let it go quite yet.

It was all the silly little jokes that had been building up over the passing weeks sharing the same space together that had buried themselves under his skin like an itch that couldn’t be scratched and refused to budge. Everything felt like a suggestive insinuation now, an accusation of something his own father would have surely disowned him for – if it had had any truth to it of course, which it didn’t because Rimmer was absolutely, one-hundred percent not whatever it was those implications might try to suggest. It didn’t matter that no-one was left around who would give a smeg about whether he was or wasn’t in any way that would have actually mattered. Rimmer still felt the need to defensively deflect any and all implications regardless.

“Don’t even joke about it,” he said, staring evenly, piercingly, at Lister, hazel eyes dark and deathly serious as he said in a choked, half-hissed, tight voice, “I’m not even remotely that way inclined and don’t you forget it!”

“I never said you were!”

“Well I’m not.”

“Okay! Okay.”

Rimmer seemed to finally relax a fraction, satisfied for now with Lister’s acquiescence. He breathed in deeply, slowly, and released it in a long, steadying exhale, his tensed, squared shoulders finally slackening just a bit.

Lister watched him out of the corner of his eye and couldn’t help himself.

“Even though you were the one who smushed our names together in the first place.”

“Lister!” Rimmer all but shouted, his voice rising to a desperate, rasping hiss, all thoughts of keeping quiet very nearly forgotten in the wake of incandescent, scandalised rage.

Lister laughed as quietly as he could, wincing as the pain in his abdomen seared at the motion, tears beading at the corners of his eyes at the way Rimmer’s nostrils had flared and his whole face had pinched itself tightly to contort around his scrunched up nose. It had been a step too far, he knew that, but Rimmer’s buttons were far too amusing to keep from pressing and he really was being far too defensive about what was genuinely just a little teasing.

He hadn’t meant anything by it, just a little joking around, but every time he did it Rimmer always seemed to become immediately aggressively defensive, his whole body drawing itself taut and rigid with tension, coiled up tight like a spring waiting to snap.

He looked about ready to explode, his jaw set and knuckles white, a pleading, wild, desperate look in his eyes and Lister knew then that he’d pushed him about as far as it was safe to go.

“Alright, I’m sorry!” Lister said, and this time he meant it, not wanting to risk a further escalation.

The apology did little to release Rimmer’s tension, the knuckles of his hands still blooming a ghostly white where he continued to grip them tightly. His mouth was drawn tight and thin, distrust burning fierce and unrelenting in his eyes.

Huffing an exasperated sigh, Lister bit back the urge to utter some remark under his breath about the negative effects of a conservative Ionian upbringing but ultimately decided he preferred not to instigate a full-blown argument in front of his newborn sons. Instead, he turned his attention back to little Bexley in his arms who had started to stir with discomfort again at all the commotion. “Hey, don’t worry, Bexley. That was just your Uncle Smeghead. Nothin’ to worry about. See? From this angle you can see right up his nose into his empty head.”

Rimmer scowled incredulously up at the ceiling and shook his head. He’d had just about as much nonsense as he could take from Lister right about now and here he was still trying to poke fun at him.

“Ha ha, Lister. Very funny,” he said flatly, stonily. “You better be careful what you say around the two of them, you know. If their first words end up being smeghead instead of dad that’ll be a personal failing on you.”

“Yeah, yeah, but it’ll be worth it for the laugh I’ll get from it, eh?”

Rimmer turned to look at him askance, a thousand possible insults and retorts flying through his head but none of them making it past his lips. There was nothing to say, really. Lister was an imbecile and he was absolutely going to raise his sons into precisely the same kinds of imbecile and the mere prospect of having more than one of that kind of person around was quite frankly a depressing thing to imagine.

“The wrong people get to be parents,” is what he eventually decided on, looking back down at Jim in the cot and wondering if there could have been any hope for either of those two boys’ braincells.

The smile on Lister’s face died then and there and he became oddly quiet, rocking Bexley back to sleep before finally lowering him back into the cot beside his brother.

Sitting back, he watched the two of them silently for a few moments longer, the humming and creaking of Red Dwarf all around them the only other sounds.

Now that he’d been up and about for a while and had had a bit of a joke and a laugh, the exertion was beginning to wear him out, the ache in his abdomen and the heaviness of his body calling for him to yield to the pull and finally go back to bed. His eyes slid closed of their own accord and his head bobbed and lolled as he began to gradually drift off, his body starting to ever-so-slightly tilt to the side, towards Rimmer who only realised what was happening moments before it would have spelled disaster.

“Lister, wake up!” he cried, hands flying up helplessly to try to stop him, passing uselessly through him with no resistance whatsoever.

Lister started awake and caught himself, one hand bracing steadyingly against the chair Rimmer was on, disappearing into Rimmer’s torso as though it were impaling him. He jerked back, alarmed and unconsciously rubbed vigorously at his forearm, momentarily disturbed by the reminder that although Rimmer was very much there in spirit, he was very much not there in person.

“Sorry. Nodded of there for a second,” he muttered sheepishly, unable to lift his gaze to meet Rimmer’s.

“I told you you shouldn’t have got up,” Rimmer said, his tone thick with patronising condescension. “I told you you should still be resting.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going,” Lister relented, pushing himself up with great discomfort onto his feet and steadying himself with the rails of the cot.

“For what it’s worth, Rimmer, and I know what you’re gonna say to this but just listen, alright?” Lister held up a hand, silencing whatever interruption Rimmer might have been about to make. “But, in a way, you kind of will know what kinda dad you’d have been. You’re helpin’ me out with these two after all.”

Rimmer’s face twitched a little, that same little pang of defensive discomfort twisting in his gut. “That’s not being a dad, Lister. If anything I’d be something of an uncle.”

Lister shrugged. “Uncle, Dad, whatever. You’re still helpin’ raise them. You never know, we might end up balancing ‘em out in the end.”

“You mean they might not end up the same kind of lazy, slobbish gimboid as you are?” Rimmer said, raising a dubious eyebrow.

Lister frowned, leaning against the doorway. “Well, yeah, that. But also…” He trailed off for a moment and looked away, suddenly unable to look Rimmer in the eye, his face grimacing a little as he tried to shrug off the awkwardness of what he was trying to get out. “I dunno, it’s just good to not be doing it on me own. Yeah, they’re my kids but beyond me, you and Cat and Kryten are all else they’ve got. Smeg, even Holly too.”

He scratched the back of his head restlessly, feeling altogether too exposed, too naked in this rare show of vulnerable honesty towards Rimmer of all people. He risked a glance in Rimmer’s direction, trying to gauge his expression but Rimmer wasn’t looking at him. He was very pointedly facing away.

He fished helplessly for something else to say but he couldn’t think of anything. A yawn was threatening to force its way up his throat and his energy was flagging. He really needed to get back to bed.

“You should probably take a break soon too, Rimmer,” he said, bringing a hand up to shield the yawn as it finally broke through.

Rimmer nodded. “I will when Kryten comes back,” he said simply and Lister nodded in agreement at that.

“Alright. Night, Rimmer.”

With that, the door to the corridor slid open and closed and it was just Rimmer left in the room with the two sleeping boys again, as he had been for much of the day.

Lister was right, he really should take a break. He felt mentally and emotionally spent after everything but he was finding it hard to switch off after months of hyper-vigilant supervision and he didn’t really know what else to do with himself. His bunk was currently occupied and he would sooner die a second death than ever consider using Lister’s even once.

He thought about what Lister had said again about how they would all be contributing together in their own little ways to the collective raising of Jim and Bexley, about how in a funny little way they were all now part of what was surely a very dysfunctional and highly unconventional family unit. Something about that made him feel a tad strange, an unfamiliar little glow of something warm and light in his chest that flitted about like little butterflies, a mix of apprehension and something almost pleasant.

Maybe he would never have been a good dad, and maybe he was a little bit thankful he would never have to truly find out, but for the time, in this current situation, he was quite content to settle for being the best possible uncle he could be.

And they’d call him Uncle Arnie, not Smeghead. He’d make absolutely sure of that.

[jaaankiey]

aaa hello !! i just want to say i adore your fics. i was genuinely so shocked when i saw you like my fic (aadol) and i don't really know where i'm going with this but i just want to thank u for carrying the leafpin community !! ur such a great writer omg ... i am so sorry i am very awkward </3

hey!!! thank you for the comment and AAAA?!?!?! i always get so confused when people reach out and say they like my writing. I'm still like "they're really OOC" but what matters is that people have fun and enjoy reading them haha!!

going off the initials, you're the author who wrote anatomically accurate descriptions of love, I'm assuming? (i hope i got it right otherwise this would be so embarrassing ;0;)

just a heads up to anybody peeking at this, it is a mature-rated work with themes of cannibalism, character death, and implied suicide so please be mindful if that's a trigger.

spoiler warning under the cut as i do want to discuss the work :0

SO assuming that i'm not horrifically wrong about which fic it is, yes. YES. i put something in my bookmark for it along the lines of "cannibalism as an expression of love !!!" and I'm like... WOW! i love that kind of trope! i love how twisted it is like pop off!! words do very little in conveying my excitement over it because i'd be either typing in all caps OR i can't accurately explain how *chef's kiss* this work was.

i really am a sucker for this concept and this one shot was a really good little meal towards it. like there's so much meaning that can be tied to it AND it's all done with minimal dialogue which is a pretty damn feat itself!! UGHH, the concept of loving someone so much that you want to make some shred of them a part of your own being; so primal, so unexplainable, it's a single faucet of the dark path desire and love can lead down right here, RIGHT IN THIS FIC!! this is DOOMED YURI 100 PERCENT.

i read this in horrified shock. y'know that feeling where someone says something really unfunny but the uncomfortable silence sort of makes you laugh a little albeit very nervously and weakly? me with this work. it's a trainwreck in terms of the events that happened and yet i can't look away. I'm compelled to keep watching, keep reading as a silly girl literally eats her lover and then proceeds to kill herself afterward while also ensuring that they died right in the same spot?? if your mate doesn't do this, dump 'em /joking.

i was shocked by the end of it to the point of comedy. i really thought "damn, double homicide" before remembering "wait a minute, this is a cannibalism work stop laughing"

that was a lot of thoughts, i'm sorry. I LOVE THIS WORK! YOU DID GREAT! AADOL is the author's first work so please be kind about it too! hope you keep writing! it's a good hobby to have overall if you're looking to have something to fill your time with. good luck and hope you'll post more!

[teeto-peteto]

Apologies if you've already answered this question, but is there anyone in the sentinels roster you'd replace with someone else? If so, who?

this might turn as a surprise since i have always stated my very obvious dislike for the Sentinels of Light event and the whole thing around it but. No! I think the character picking is nice, actually! If anything i have some problems with the Ruined roster, but who doesnt, though?

The problem i have with the roster of the Sentinels is the fact that their characters either behave in completely different ways as canon was stated originally, complete flanderization of characters just for comedic relief and how some of them are either boring or annoying.

I believe Senna and Lucian are prooobably the ''best'' written characters, they made them confusingly mean towards almost everyone wich is somewhat understandable because of the situation of Runeterra but also it was sometimes pretty uncanny and odd how harsh they were towars the rookie and the team sometimes but, i think they were kinda good protagonist in the end. Again, the parallelism of Lucian and Senna's relationship and Viego's with Isolde was a good point, yet again it wasnt very well resolved imo.

I'll try and do a speed rant about the sentinels, again i actually do like the picks! they just didnt respect them at all for some reason...

Vayne was incredibly annoying and whenever she appeared on screen wich was sadly 80% of the story she is unlikable in most senses. I do not know if this is good paired with the canon, i know just the basics about Vayne's lore cause i dont care that much about her, but i mostly skipped all her dialog on the event cause she was pretty boring.

Gwen is nice. She's bubbly, she's cute and brand new to the world. Sadly, she's just comedic relief, and a plot devicer for the 'sentinel skins' to exist. She's important to the story but its never actually explored and we get no type of interaction with Isolde and her not even narrated. She just carries a bunch of 'why?'s that Riot didnt want to answer on this event.

Olaf is a fucking joke and at least they made him a bit more gullable because they got to put the 'honourful death' around wich adds up to his lore where he still keeps making it from hardships even if it's not truly his intention. But he's a joke... just pure, saddening comedic relief.

Irelia suffers the same as Vayne where she's basically mean and its understandable as she's teaming up with a noxian etc etc but... eh. sometimes she's too much imo.

Riven was okay...? At least she is sorry, it doesnt mean Irelia has to forgive her of course but. I guess she's okay?

Graves was an absolute fucking crime and i dont understand and i assume im allowed of my mind completely nuts but... what was that whole flirting with Vayne thing???? What was the point of that?? He's again a comedic relief, but his jokes were specially unfunny most of the time. He has this death animation in league with Twisted Fate's card, yet they made him so incredibly and creepily insistant with Vayne it was so painful to watch... I mean, maybe he is a bisexual king im not aware of but like... holy shit tobias are you seeing this shit?

also like being insistent to women and being all over them all the time is funny hahaha come on everyone laugh riot said its funny!!!

Rengar... is there. Comedic relief, again. Just like Olaf they made him stupid. There's nothing you call pull out of him from this event. He's quite useless. Nobody cared that much in the team i guess.

Diana is... there? I mean she's chill... but like, nothing happened around her character that was mildy interesting or had a bit of growth in her character. She just went and signed a paper.

Pyke is reduced to comedic relief wich is saddening at least for a person like me. He's just there like hii im crazy look at me i say silly stuff cause im crazy hehe!!! And thats it. Paired with Olaf and Rengar they are just basically useless to the team and only there to sprinkle stupidity and jokes. Wont say i didnt jump out of my chair in that scene where Pyke talks with the rook and when he got the wayfinder back, but the rest of the event was very much a let down.

Akshan is nice in personality but his introduction was kinda odd to me how they quickly tried to wrap up his whole lore and use of his weapon and the revive thing it was very fast and sometimes it wasnt adding up. Sometimes he was the soul of the team so... he kinda carried sometimes.

if i had to replace one then probably rengar but i cant think about any champion of Ixtal at that time that would accept/make sense to become a sentinel of light

[gingobazingo]

Man I’m losing my mind. I just realized maybe 1/3rd of all TikToks I’ve seen are just txt posts, but the poster, in their infinite wisdom, have attached a video of their face and some song they like. When I say some silly shit about mpreg, you have only my blog title and this white woman in brown face from Star Trek to cast judgement on. Imagine if every txt post you ever made had your mugshot and 1 of your top 100 songs on Spotify attached. I’d feel like I was on trial every day. There must be a social shift towards having no shame quietly turning all around us.

And what if you have misgivings about your appearance? Imagine you’re dysphoric and spend 10 minutes finding an acceptable angle and part in your hair. If I’m ugly, I get to be ugly in my own time aside from being unfunny on here. Seeing people’s face and hearing their voices poisoned the spread of ideas in politics in the 50s. Suddenly, you had to be pretty and charming on top of having the right ideas, and having the right ideas or anything to say fell by the wayside. I think that same correlation could be happening on TikTok as we speak. Case in point, a lot of “ TikTok Cringe” you can find on YouTube is just strange looking people trying to do things that would be considered normal if an attractive person did it. Feels like we’ll move further and further from rational body acceptance in time.

I’m not one for banning TikTok, but I certainly thing it’s really degrading privacy on the social level. I keep my head down in real life and take solace that I will always be just what I represent myself to be on here unless I make the choice to reveal more. One of my favorite TikToks I’ve ever seen was by a coworker who got fired for being slow and yelling at me. She had been belligerent and paid the price, and that could have been the end of my knowing her. But she made a “I got fired I’m crying” TikTok set to some playboy carti song I think. The need to share stripped her of her dignity, and I would have felt bad if I wasn’t smiling so much. My point is you shouldn’t be encouraged by an apps functionality to embarrass yourself in front of people who would laugh at you. I share things I actually care about with very few and I don’t live in fear of what they may think of me. Most of the time.

This is beside the point that these videos are a waste of bandwidth and are no doubt reflected heavily on peoples internet and phone bills whether they realize it or not.

I won’t tell you to touch grass of anything like that, but at least consider this treatise the next time you find yourself drinking from the content vomit.

[justleaf]

for the modern AU thing I throw you my ot3s (because you already did Iorveth/Roche) 💌 serious Gascon/Meve/Reynard or funny Aiden/Keira/Lambert

Oh shit the thronebreaker trio lesgo.

Meve is a partner in a corporate law firm that deals with Fortune 500 companies and the likes. Her paralegal and secretary Reynard has been with her for the past 10 years, and they're moderately content until dirtbag Henselt decides to come along and blackmail Meve with material about her ex-husband.

Thankfully cyber hacker Gascon drops into their lives and together, they manage to infiltrate Henselt's firewalls and destroy the information. In the meantime they also find information about Henselt doing shady business and he gets kicked out from the firm.

The three of them celebrate with a fuck. The end.

_______

And fukkit imma do AKL too because the idea popped into my head. It's 1920 or something and the first day of kindergarten.

Keira is just standing at the door trying very hard to be brave, when Lambert stalks up to her with a very serious face and goes, "Hello. We are friends now because I am alone and you are alone and we can now be alone together." They explore the classroom and Lambert acts like a grumpy 70 year old man but Keira doesn't mind.

During class she's sat next to Aiden who immediately is like HI HELLO LET'S BE FRIENDS and of course they do before who can resist a sunshine human. Lunch time comes along and the three of them play catch till they're exhausted and then naP TOGETHER UNDER A TREE AND THEN DURING LUNCH LAMBERT PEELS THE CRUST OFF KEIRA'S SANDWICH BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T LIKE IT AND AIDEN HIDES IT IN THE POTTED PLANT SO THEY DON'T GET INTRO TROUBLE FOR NOT FINISHING THEIR FOOD.