#IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE. I NEED TO BE IN A CEMETERY RIGHT NOW AND SINK BENEATH THE PINE TREES

[katierosefun]

what did gregory alan isakov inject into his songs and why do i feel the need to blast it as loud as i can and stumble into a graveyard and just sink right into the earth

[jlheon]

୨୧ — led me to you (psh)

pairing. bf! park sunghoon x fem! reader genre. est. relationship + angst + fluff wc. 1200 notes. mentions death ( hoon's ex / reader’s friend are dead ) library.

🗯️ extra peng note. @junislqve sent me tiktok and i was gonna make it super sad but i decided to make it a happy end because i wish i had a bf like hoon!

synopsis. you’ve always wanted to ask sunghoon about his first love

as your one-year anniversary with park sunghoon approaches you can’t help the immense relief and guilt this event holds for you. 

maybe guilt isn’t the best word, but you feel content that he loves you enough to stay with you for all this time despite his past. 

two years before you, park sunghoon was dating a gorgeous girl. they had dated for four years.

you met park sunghoon at the cemetery.

not the most ideal meet-cute. 

no, you didn’t see him while you were visiting your childhood best friend, nor while he was visiting his late girlfriend. rather on the way out.

sunghoon was a gentleman. 

he had seen you crying on the sidewalk and handed you his handkerchief he always kept handy. you graciously accepted it and wiped your tears with it. 

“lose someone recently?” sunghoon breaks the silence. 

“yeah,” you sniffled. “my best friend.”

“i’m all ears if you need someone,” he offers. “it’s nicer to talk to someone who doesn’t know anything about it.”

“i’ll take you up on that,” you give him a small smile. “are you busy right now?” 

“i’m going wherever you are,” he chuckles.

you and sunghoon sat at a booth at your favorite dinner. he orders what your best friend used to order but you don’t comment on it. 

you tell him absolutely everything since he asked of course.

always asking him if you can keep going since he still was a stranger at the end of the say. he’s a good listener, a great one even, he nods and gives you his advice whenever you pause. 

and lastly, sunghoon doesn’t just say “i’m sorry for your loss” like everyone else.

that phrase has always frustrated you since what could they possibly be sorry for? it’s not like your grief is their fault. you don’t want to be constantly pitied. 

it’s refreshing, how he understands everything you say, probably because he relates since he just lost someone too you assume.

you ask sunghoon about who he was visiting at the cemetery and he tells you to not worry your pretty little head over it. 

numbers are exchanged and you quickly fall for park sunghoon hard. 

it becomes a weekly thing for you to meet up with him and hangout. whether it’s talking about your grief because he’s the only one who understands or just walking around town. you like sunghoon.

it takes him a while to reveal who he’s grieving the loss of but when he does your stomach drops and you are unable to form any words.

“i know i should have told you earlier,” sunghoon apologizes. “but you’re my escape.” 

you cry that night when sunghoon drops you home.

you feel horrible for crushing on a guy who lost just his long-term girlfriend. you feel horrible for getting so caught up in your crush that you’ve rarely been grieving your friend.

you know this is what she wants for you, to move on and feel happy again, but you can’t help but wish you’re miserable for as long as you are without her. 

sunghoon won’t let you think about it this way though. 

you told him about everything. you told him you liked him, that you’re sorry because you know he just got out of a relationship, and that you feel horrible for feeling happy for the first time since your friend's passing. 

he hugs you and tells you it’s all going to be okay. he tells you that it’s been two years since his late girlfriend passed and the day you met was because he was visiting her while he was in the area.

sunghoon asks you out on a real date.

since then you two have been going strong. but you can’t shake off the fact you’re his first girlfriend after she passed away.

maybe you’re too curious for your own good.

“hoon?” you ask, picking your head up from where it rested on his chest. 

“yeah baby?” sunghoon shifts his gaze from his phone down to you who is already staring at him.

“can i ask you something?” you start, sitting more upright in his lap. “you don’t have to answer if i’m crossing the line.”

“sure,” he shuts his phone off and puts it aside to give you his full attention. “go ahead, baby.” 

“what was she like?”

“who?” sunghoon quirks an eyebrow.

“your ex,” you whisper, scared you might strike a nerve and ruin the only good thing you had in your life.

“oh,” you feel him tense underneath you. “why?” 

“i feel like we always talk about me,” you pout. “i want to be a good girlfriend and be there for you too.”

“you’re already a good girlfriend,” he kisses your cheek. as good as her? is what you want to ask but bite your tongue.

“sorry for asking,” you frown, ready to return to lying in silence. 

“i can tell you if you really want to know,” sunghoon says with his eyes closed, opening to you nodding, and urging him to continue. 

“we dated for four years, but i knew her since childhood. she was my best friend before my girlfriend. even after getting together, she was still my best friend,” sunghoon’s lips broke out into a smile recalling his late girlfriend.

“she sounds amazing,” you lie, feeling sick at the sight of the stars in his eyes while he talks about his ex. 

“i think you two would get along well,” he chuckles. “she was the best, truly. she understood me well and was always patient with me. i was quite the shy teenage boy. i can’t believe she stuck with me for so long.” 

“you’re the perfect boyfriend, hoon,” you reassure him, resting your head against his shoulder as your eyes brim with tears. “do you miss her?”

“of course i miss her,” sunghoon answers, rubbing the small of your back. 

“sometimes i feel mean,” you sniffle. 

“how could you ever be mean?” he dips his head to catch a glimpse of your wet cheeks. 

“like i stole you from her,” your voice cracks as you avoid eye contact.

“why would you ever think that?” sunghoon raised a hand to your face to dry it. 

“well, you guys never technically broke up,” you reply. “i kinda just came into the picture. i feel selfish for it.” 

“you’re not selfish baby,” he holds you closer. “i love you.”

“i love you too,” your tears falling onto his white shirt, wetting the fabric. 

“i like to think she led me to you,” sunghoon explains, stroking your head. “like she knew you were going to be there that day.”

“you think so?” 

“i know so. she led me to the most perfect girl,” he plants a kiss on your forehead. “we both healed together, didn’t we?” 

you hum in response. tears still cascading down your face and onto your boyfriend's shirt. 

“i know we don’t talk about my feelings a lot,” sunghoon cups your face, making you look him in the eye. “but you saved my life. i don’t know if i would still be here if it wasn’t for you.”

“i love you, hoon” you bury your face in the crook of his neck.

“i love you more.”

[andreafmn]

Running in Circles | Chapter 11

Word Count: 3.5K Warnings: mentions of death and illness

Summary: (Y/N) Rossi is following in her father’s footsteps by joining the BAU team as a profiler. The girl genius knew almost everything but she could have never predicted falling for Aaron Hotchner, her boss, and her father’s friend. in their world mutual feelings are not enough to push them together. Will all the adversities and obstacles they face pull them together or push them apart forever?

A/N: slowly but surely rolling this story out... i refuse to DNF a WIP

<- Previous

David Rossi’s house had always been grand. At least for the better part of his life. But for (Y/N), it had always been massive. Even once she had grown up and moved out, she saw it as too big. She never had the feeling that she had imagined it bigger as a child. It had always been gigantic, and it would always be.

“You know, I made some fresh tagliatelle for today,” David smiled as he opened the car door for his daughter. “And I think it’s the best batch I’ve done in a long time.”

“It better be,” she teased jokingly. “Mom wouldn’t have accepted any less.”

“You’ve got that right,” he laughed. “She’d turn over in her grave if I ever made her pasta wrong.”

The Hotchner duo were already waiting by the front door when the Rossis arrived. Jack was the first to run into the house, claiming he was starving and needed to be fed. But as soon as the TV was on, it was like his hunger had vanished.

While the boy was entertained by some cartoon on the television, David ushered the other two outside. He took his cooking seriously and did not like much interruption when it was possible. So, with two glasses of red wine and a lit fireplace, (Y/N) and Hotchner sat on the back porch to talk.

“Morgan, Reid, and Prentiss are coming by later,” (Y/N) muttered out, trying to fill the silence. “JJ had a family thing, and Garcia is out of town.”

“I know,” he chuckled softly. “Dave told me when I was on my way to the cemetery.”

“God, I never want to think about today again.” Warmth crept up (Y/N)’s neck as embarrassment filled her veins. “I can’t believe I threw a tantrum like that at my age. I am absolutely mortified.”

“You don’t have to be, (Y/N). Grief isn’t always a pretty thing,” Hotchner said, taking her aback. “You’re allowed to feel what you feel, and sometimes it comes out in an ugly way. But it’s perfectly reasonable to have a break like you did. I mean, if it took this long, it was bound to happen sooner or later. And it was, in all honesty, not as bad as you think.”

“I yelled at my dad for simply being religious,” she sighed. “It was completely uncalled for. And I even did it in front of Jack. I can’t believe I did that.”

“I don’t think he’ll even remember after today,” he chuckled as he took a sip from his glass. “Seriously, (Y/N), it’s not something you even need to apologize for. I’ve seen and been worse than that.”

“I seriously doubt that,” the young woman snorted. “At least not the way I exploded today.”

“I’ve had my moments, (Y/N). We’re only human, at the end of the day,” the man shrugged as he absentmindedly slipped his hand over hers. “But you don’t have to feel bad for feeling strongly, and I know your dad definitely doesn’t hold it against you. All he cares is that you’re okay, and so do I.”

“I’m okay now,” she smiled softly, trying her best to conceal the red that was creeping up her neck. Thankfully, it was cold enough that she could blame the weather for her sudden change in complexion. “And I wanna thank you for coming today. I wasn’t sure you would.”

“Oh, Jack wouldn’t have let me live it down if we hadn’t gone,” he chuckled. His fingers interlaced with hers, squeezing softly and making her wonder. “He said we couldn’t leave you alone today. I mean, he was up long before I was.”

“God, I love that kid.”

“Yeah, he loves you too.”

There was a moment when their eyes met, and they couldn’t drop each other’s gaze. (Y/N) tried to find meaning behind the brown of his irises. Because he always left her wondering. Whether his lingering touches meant something more than comfort. Whether he showed his carefree side to her because he felt a different connection to her than the rest of the team. Whether stares like that one meant he was thinking the same way.

But the sound of David’s voice scattered the thoughts away, making the pair jump away from each other, their hands returning to their respective laps. “I brought some blankets to keep you guys warm,” he said as he placed the blankets on the arm of the couch and a tray on the edge of the fireplace. “I also brought you some cheese and crackers while we wait for the rest of the team to get here. They shouldn’t be long.”

“Thanks, dad,” (Y/N) smiled. “Did you have something to eat yet?”

“Oh no. I can’t spoil my appetite for later,” he chuckled. “I wanna make sure I savor tonight’s dish. I’ve been braising a chuck roast since this morning, and I can’t wait to sink my teeth into it.”

“Well, if there’s not much to do inside, why don’t you join us, Dave?” Hotch offered, much to (Y/N)’s dismay. “No point in you being by yourself.”

“As intriguing as that sounds, I’m not interested in spending my evening out in the cold,” the older man said before the sound of the door squeaked behind him. “But I think someone else might join you.”

“Hey, Jack. What’s up, buddy?”

00“I’m bored, dad,” the kid whined, draping himself between (Y/N) and his father. “And I’m hungry. I wanna go to (Y/N)’s house. She has toys there.”

“I’ll leave you to it,” David chuckled as he cheersed the man before disappearing back into the house.

“We can’t go to (Y/N)’s house right now, Jack. I told you we were gonna have dinner with David tonight.”

“But he doesn’t have any toys,” the boy complained. “His house is really boring.”

“Tell you what, little man,” (Y/N) interjected. “My dad may not have toys here, but he has a lot of stories about my mom, and today is about her, right?” The kid nodded eagerly. “Well then, let’s go invade his personal space.”

Jack grabbed (Y/N)’s extended hand, walking into the house with Hotch trailing behind with the platter that had just been set before them. They rushed through the kitchen and past the living room, looking for the one person who could talk about Iris’ past.

They had made it almost all the way to the man’s study before they found him in the hall, staring at a painting. Without turning his head, David started talking. “This is one of the first paintings Iris made in her garden,” he said. Before him hung a realistic painting of a small girl, a bird in her cupped hands, and an array of colorful flowers on the background. “I think it might just be my favorite.”

“Who’s the girl?”

“That’s me,” (Y/N) smiled at the boy. “When I was really, really little.”

“And your momma painted that?” Jack questioned excitedly. “It’s really pretty.”

“She did,” David responded with a sad smile. “She painted almost all the art in this house. She was a very talented woman, my Iris.”

“What happened to her?”

“Jack,” Hotch reprimanded his son. “I’m sorry, he…”

“It’s alright,” the man smiled. “She got very sick while she was pregnant with our little (Y/N). But the doctors didn’t catch it until it was too late because of that. After she gave birth, we started her on the most aggressive treatment we could, but it had spread too much, too fast. A little after (Y/N) turned three, she passed away.” “She was getting weak at the end, and a single painting would take her weeks,” he said. “You can see that they get smaller here by the end of the hall. But even if she couldn’t hold the brush for too long, she would…”

David’s voice drowned out as he continued walking with Jack, not noticing that his daughter stood frozen in her spot while he went on. There were things she knew about her mother’s past, but there were others he had kept hidden. Much like that one sentence, he had muttered absentmindedly to tell the tale of her mother’s demise.

Tears welled in (Y/N)’s eyes once more, this time sprouting from a deep well of emotion that she had trapped inside herself a long time ago. There was a part of her that always knew, that always felt as though she had been the reason her mother had died. But there had never been any confirmation, not a single word spoken to confirm what she had thought. All up until that day. Without even meaning to, her father had opened one of the deepest wounds she thought had healed.

She felt Hotch’s hands on her arms before she heard his voice, her mind hazing over as the thoughts flooded her head, making it close to impossible to focus on reality. “Hey, (Y/N),” he whispered as he cradled her face, bringing her back to the moment. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“It’s my fault,” she whimpered, her eyes meeting his through a watery gaze. “My mom’s dead because of me.”

“Of course not,” he stated. “She was sick, (Y/N). The cancer got to her, and there was nothing anyone could do. That’s all that happened.”

“They would have found it sooner if she hadn’t been pregnant with me,” she cried. “She could have treated it earlier if it wasn’t because of me!”

Hotchner wrapped his arms around her before she could crumble to the ground, watching as her emotions overtook her. With an already overwhelming day, learning more about her mother’s death had tipped her over. It was then that he could see just how young she still was. As mature and intelligent as she was, she was still starting off in life—not even thirty yet.

“What happened to your mom is not your fault,” he said, his chin resting on her head. “Having you was the choice she wanted to make, and most definitely the right one. From what I can tell, she loved you very much, (Y/N).”

“You were her greatest treasure,” David added, startling the pair apart. “She wanted nothing more than to have you, mia bella. Iris would have given up everything so you were born, and I would have as well.”

“I’ll leave you two to talk,” Hotch whispered to (Y/N), motioning to Jack to get closer. “Let’s go see what’s on TV, okay?”

Once the Hotchner boys were gone, the young woman fell into her father’s open arms, resting her head on his shoulder and allowing him to comfort her in the way she so desperately needed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she whimpered quietly. “You always said she got sick after I was born, not while she was still pregnant. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t mean for you to find out this way, little bird,” he sighed, drawing comforting circles on her arm. “I never wanted you to feel guilty for your mother’s death. All I ever wanted was to protect you, sweetheart.”

“She would have probably been alive had she not been pregnant, right?” (Y/N) said. “You’d still have her if it wasn’t for me.”

“I carry a part of her with me every day of my life,” he smiled. “And neither I nor Iris would have it any other way. I couldn’t imagine my life without you, little bird. You are my entire life, just like you were hers.”

David gently led her to the other room as the doorbell rang, kissing her head softly before going to open the door.

Soon enough, the house was filled with more familiar faces sporting flower bouquets and wine bottles, saying hello because there were no other words on a day such as that. All they could offer was their presence and their love, and whatever else they could need.

And at that moment, what they needed was a warm meal and lighthearted conversation. Being with the team was enough to calm (Y/N)’s sadness. At least for the time they were there, she could pretend she was okay.

She sat between Morgan and Hotchner with a gorgeous plate of pasta and roast before her and no appetite. She had spent so much energy already crying that she had nothing left to eat.

“Everything okay, pretty girl?” Derek whispered to her as he noticed her demeanor. “You not gonna eat?”

“I’m not really hungry,” she sighed. “Can’t really stomach anything right now.”

“You wanna get some air?” 

“Maybe after. I don’t wanna interrupt everyone’s dinner.”

“If you’re sure,” he said, squeezing her hand comfortingly. “But you let me know if you need to step away at any point.”

“Thanks, Der,” she smiled. “I appreciate it.”

What neither of them noticed was the piercing stare Hotchner kept on their joined hands. He wasn’t sure where the feeling had come from, but he could feel it bubbling deep inside his gut. Without even thinking, he slipped his arm behind her chair, his fingers softly drawing circles on her shoulder.

“You doing okay?” he found himself whispering to her, his heart quickening as her eyes met his. “It’s been a hell of a day.”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” she smiled. “Just not very hungry.”

“Do you want something lighter? I can get you some crackers and cheese instead.”

“No, I’m fine, really,” she said. “I’ll probably just take this and eat it later tonight.”

“If you’re sure,” he conceded. “Just let me know, and I’ll get it.”

“Thanks, Hotch.”

“Don’t mention it.”

It didn’t go over anyone’s head that the unit chief had kept his arm behind (Y/N)’s chair while they finished dinner. But to them, it was simply a way to keep the grieving woman at bay. No one thought that he was staking a claim on her after that green emotion settled in his chest at Derek’s comfort. Not even he did.

Even after they had all finished eating and had gravitated to the backyard for the last glass of wine, Jack dead asleep on (Y/N)’s lap, Aaron remained close to her. Back on the couch they had been hours before, he kept a protective arm around her back. It didn’t mean anything, he told himself. He simply wanted to make sure she was okay.

Still, his eyes memorized the way the light of the fire danced on her skin, painting her with a warm hue that made her look heavenly. He felt it then, as he watched her take a sip from her wine glass, a smile on her face and his son asleep against her, that flutter in his chest he thought had died with Haley.

At that moment, he blamed it on the alcohol. Aaron couldn’t be feeling what he thought he was for (Y/N). Not only was she his subordinate, but she was the daughter of one of his oldest colleagues and friend—not to mention she was almost half his age. No, he had simply drunk too much, he told himself. His quickening heart rate and the flush that warmed his skin were because he couldn’t tolerate booze like he used to. Nothing more, nothing less.

Suddenly, David tapped on his glass with his ring, calling everyone’s attention and breaking Aaron out of thought. “Well, I want to take a moment to thank all of you for coming over tonight and celebrating Iris’ life with (Y/N) and me,” he said. “I know none of you got to meet her, but I can say with great certainty that she would have loved each and every one of you. Iris was an extraordinary and beautiful woman, and I am glad her legacy lives on in the form of (Y/N). “She was, in a way, the second greatest love of my life. And I say second because she gave me my first,” he said, smiling warmly at his daughter. “I am grateful for the time I had with her and I am immensely blessed to be able to have a piece of her with me for the rest of my life. But I will say, my biggest regret in life will always be not getting the chance to show her just how much I loved her in life and asking her to marry me. If I had to do anything over again, I would have married her the day I met her. I had already bought a ring by the next week, but somehow, I never got the courage to ask her. So, tonight, I wanna raise a glass to Iris Cassidy on the 25th anniversary of her passing. I loved you then and I love you still, mia fiore. Until we meet again, my darling Iris. Salut.”

Everyone raised their glasses, echoing the cheer before taking a sip of their wine. As they did, David pulled out his phone, and a minute later, colorful fireworks adorned the night sky. One after another, they illuminated the darkness in various shapes and colors, marking a true celebration of life.

It was at that moment that Aaron noticed the fresh tears falling from (Y/N)’s eyes. The lights of the fireworks reflected on the streaks of her cheeks, glimmering in an array of colors as she stared at the sky. But it was the first time in the day that her tears were accompanied by a bright smile. And when she found him staring, he couldn’t help but smile back as he hugged her closer to him. Completely ignoring the pitter-patter of his heart as he felt her warmness seep into his body.

The scene was almost like out of a movie. As the fireworks lit up the sky, gentle music played through the backyard speakers. The group talked amongst themselves quietly, engrossed in whatever conversation was important at that moment. It was almost as though the world had stopped. There was no evil lurking behind their doors waiting to be caught. There was only them and that moment in time—frozen, preserved.

But it wasn’t the team that caught the unit chief’s attention. No. It was the young woman next to him who had seemed to drift off to sleep just like his son. Jack had wrapped his arms around (Y/N), resting his head in the crook of her neck while she rested hers on his shoulder. Her eyelids fluttered as she slept, finally comfortable enough to rest—or too tired to stay awake. Still, she looked calm, at peace. And she looked beautiful.

They were thoughts that shouldn’t have been running through Aaron’s head. Not about (Y/N), at least. And definitely not while her father was only a few feet away.

“Guess the day finally caught up to her,” David whispered as he sat next to them. “When she’s like that, all I can see is the little girl that always asked me to read her to sleep. Granted, those days didn’t last long. She learned how to read on her own, and Good Night, Moon, and Oh, The Places You’ll Go didn’t cut it anymore. Treasure those moments, Aaron. They go quicker than you can imagine.”

“Thankfully, Jack has yet to grow out of his kid’s books,” he chuckled softly, highly aware that any move he made could wake (Y/N). “But one thing’s for sure, once they’re down, they’re down, huh.”  

“That’s true,” he laughed. “I want to thank you, Aaron, for being here today. She needed someone, and it wasn’t me. (Y/N) always seems so strong, but she carries her heart on her sleeve and so much hurt on the inside. She needs someone she can rely on.”

“Today was the least I could do after all she’s done for Jack and me,” Aaron smiled, looking down at the sleeping woman. “I owe her a lot.”

“What she does, she doesn’t do it for anything in return,” David said. “She got that from her mother. She’d give the clothes off her own back for anyone that needed it.”

“She really would.”

“I just wished she found someone who could see just how amazing she was. I know this job makes it hard to meet people, but she deserves someone who treats her as special as she is.”

The words made the man tense up, causing (Y/N) to wriggle in her sleep. If he hadn’t known any better, he would think David had read his mind. But coincidences, rare as they may seem, were real.

“You do too, by the way,” the man teased as Aaron thought of a good enough answer to give him. “It’s about time you start dating, too, you know.”

“Here we go again,” he chuckled softly. “I don’t need to date.” Which wasn’t entirely a lie. Especially since the one he was most interested in was not an option. “I’m just focusing on work and Jack. That’s enough.”

“For now,” the older man grinned. “But I guess you’re young enough to still take your time. Just not too much.”

“I’ll take it into consideration.”

“Good,” David said before taking a beat. “But you better leave (Y/N) at home. Looking at you two right now, anyone would think you’re a couple.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled awkwardly. “Wouldn’t want anyone to make that mistake.”

But oh, how he yearned for it to be his reality.

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[the-moth-from-elsewhere]

On the Subject of TAOCC Angst

Hiya hiya hello, it’s me, Elsie lol. Time to throw in my two cents, maybe make a THIRD FREAKING POLL (so sorry q.q), and present us with some options.

WE NEED TO TAKE THIS SLOW AND THINK LOGICALLY BEFORE MAKING ANY MAJOR DECISIONS. THIS IS NOT OUR FINAL DECISION, THIS IS A MASTERPOST AND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT PEOPLE WANT.

Let’s start with being very blunt. TAOCC is a bit of a directionless mess right now. We’ve got tons of characters, which isn’t a bad thing on its own! But unfortunately a lot of these characters have the same mod (hi hello i’m kind of part of the problem :’D). This means that we have a Simarillion’s worth of lore and not much of an idea of how to move anywhere with it. If anyone joins or returns after hiatus, they’ve missed a ton and have to figure it all out again from scratch, especially because we do not have ANY form of filing system for any of this. Too many characters, too many events, no organization, and a borderline insane amount of angst.

So, we have a few options of how to move forward here.

Autumn’s Solution/reset

Reset. All of it. Start with the characters and nothing else.

Pros: No more angst! And we get to have all that bonding all over again.

Cons: This doesn’t factor in backstories, and how backstories are often angsty and will instigate angst pretty much no matter what. Angst kind of has to exist in-universe forum the very nature of TADC itself, and just starting from scratch won’t change that.

2. “Move forward”

Don’t change the past, but do change the future. Make things slow down, but not because of any major event. Just have things Calm. Down.

Pros: less angst!

Cons: still too many characters. And still a lot of pre-established lore and no way to file it.

3. Extinction.

Kill off/incapacitate/retire half the characters. Then have the remainder unite over that and fix stuff.

Pros: less characters, possible less angst

Cons: extreme angst in the process.

4. Abandonment/new game/Lann’s solution

Restart with new characters. Or just make a new rp thing entirely. Maybe make a filing system this time around lol.

pros: less characters, less angst maybe.

cons: pretty much anything getting rid of all of our work over the last few months is kinda…wasteful and extreme, in my opinion.

5. “Software update”

A less extreme version of the reset, where we have a software update installed. Keep the old lore/characters, but dampen the angst for later. Give the characters some new coats of paint maybe, and figure out which characters to focus on for the near future.

pros: less angst, doesn’t break the lore or delete our hard work

cons: we still have to figure out what the heck to do with these characters and make a deliberate effort not to have as much angst

6. Other/anyone else’s solutions

exactly what it says on the tin.

tagslisting ALLLLL the mods:

@star-on-a-beach @sh4tt3rg1rl @silhouette-anon @feiar @lightthepathwithalantern @bob-the-cemetery-ghost @yourlocalboxhead @starbies-hellhole @andy-aka-lilcsca @castingspellsinyourasks @theautumnalcat @tailsbot98761 @master-dealmaker @anartistwithamask

AND MORE I THINK THAT I’VE JUST FORGOTTEN!

[mummybear]

My Brother's Best Friend - Chapter 5 - Unwelcome Visitor

Words : 3831

Warnings: Swearing, Grief, Angst, Anniversary Of A Death, Talk Of Virginity, Degrading Talk And Threats, Protective Stiles And Scott. Think that's it.

Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall, Reader/Sadie McCall, James(OC), Mystery Person! Find out in the next chapter ;)

A/N: So sorry about the wait once again guys! Really hope you like this chapter! Let me know what you think and feel free to ask for a tag if you would be interested! :D

Chapter 5 - Unwelcome Visitor

Stiles doesn’t even try to stop you when you leave your room, and you have to force yourself not to look back. You hold back the urge to ask if he’s coming. Whatever his reasoning, you need to get out. If he’s acting this way because he needs space, then he can have it. Nothing else matters today, you have somewhere more important to be. You can’t let yourself get distracted by anything else. 

Today is the anniversary of Callie’s death. You’d promised yourself that every year on the day of her death you would go to her grave, to take her flowers and tell her about what was going on in town and in your life. After all, you’d made sure to be with her for every birthday celebration when she was alive, why should the anniversary of her death be any different. 

Last night you’d planned to tell Stiles about your scheduled visit after breakfast, but right now, with everything going on between the two of you, the distance could be good for you both. Besides, food is the furthest thing from your mind. As you enter the kitchen the entire room falls silent, and you can feel the ball of nerves that sits at your throat, like a heavy weight that never leaves. Wringing your hands together, you take one look at the plate of food on the table and sickness sweeps through your stomach. 

You feel someone take hold of your arm and you turn to face your mom. She gives you that all knowing look, that she gives better than anyone. She pulls you over to one side, as far away from the others in the room as possible.

"What happened? This isn't just Callie, is it?" She whispers, more than aware of just how many beings with super hearing are around.

Swallowing thickly you feel the tears pricking at the edges of your eyes.

"Can we do this later? I promise, I won’t bail, I just need to get out of this house, I need to get some air.”

Sighing deeply she shakes her head gently. You can easily see the worry in her gaze and the guilt of making her worry causes you to hesitate a little.

“It’s okay. If that’s what you need to do right now, sweetheart, then just be safe. Call Scott or me if you need to speak to someone. Just don’t shut us out, okay?”  

She pulls you into a tight hug and presses a kiss to the top of your head.

“Never, I swear. I’ll be back later, okay?” 

You can’t face anyone else, so with a final goodbye to your mom you head out. Maybe the others knew not to even try to talk to you, since nobody even tries to stop your escape. You inhale deeply as the fresh morning air hits you in the face, you put on your headphones and select the playlist that you’d updated earlier in the week. Slowly you make your way to the cemetery, trying to ignore the thoughts which want to invade your mind. It’s a peaceful morning, where only a select few people wander the streets. A lone tear rolls down your cheek as you step through the entrance of the cemetery, and you make no move to wipe it away as you slowly make your way to Callie’s grave.

You smile softly when you see her grave coming into view. There are clear signs that people have been here recently, probably her parents, maybe even her grandma. 

You sink to your knees right in front of the headstone, gently brushing away the fallen petals of the flowers which have been left behind. You carefully pick up one of the photos that’s leaning against the gravestone. 

The tears come thick and fast, because it’s a photo of the two of you. One of the last ones you’d taken before her death, and your heart breaks all over again.

“Hey Cal, here we are. I can’t believe it’s been a year already,” you sigh softly, looking up at the sky briefly, before you allow yourself to look back at the headstone. 

“So much has changed since… you’ve been gone. Especially in the last few days. Honestly it’s been kind of crazy. I guess I’m still not one hundred percent sure that I didn’t dream… well… all of it,” you chuckle to yourself as you wipe your eyes on your sleeve. “I need you now more than ever, God, I need you.” You let out a shuddered breath before continuing. 

“That’s selfish, I know. I just miss you, so much. I miss your smile, your laugh, your advice and constant support. Nobody ever did get me the way you do… did, not sure they ever will again. I can practically hear your voice every time something big happens to me,” smiling at the thought you place the photo back against the headstone. “Things have definitely escalated with Stiles, to say the least. Beyond anything we ever talked about. I still can’t wrap my mind around it all.” 

Remembering your other best friend, another wave of grief hits you. 

“Josh still talks about you, all the time. He’s just full of regret, Callie. I know you probably don’t want to hear that, I’m sorry. But we both are, though his reasons are a little different to mine. I know you would lose your mind with what I’m about to tell you, if you were here.”

You smile fondly, thinking of her crush on Josh. “He wishes he’d told you about his feelings for you. Before that awful day that turned everyone's lives upside down. Before everything went wrong…. and you were taken from us. He loves you so much, I’m not sure he knows how to cope with the situation.”

Tears roll down your cheeks once again, showing no sign of stopping, as you wipe your arm across your face. Doing your best to focus on her name written in stone right in front of you, though it’s blurred with your tears. 

“We both wish we’d been there to save you, to help, hell, to do something. I’m so sorry, Callie. I should have saved you…. somehow.” You whisper hoarsely, feeling the unbearable ache in your chest.

Pulling the letter from your pocket just like you have on every visit, you place it under the flower pot, in the small hole you’d made. Knowing that Callie’s parents likely read these letters every time they visited. You’d made no secret that you’d been leaving them there, and every time you returned the previous letter had been taken away. The amount you came to see her might seem strange to some people, but you couldn’t help it, maybe that would dwindle a little with time, though right now it felt like the right thing to do.

A shiver wracks your body as a gust of frosty wind blows through the cemetery, the bushes around you rustling. You wrap your arms around yourself, resting your head on your bent knees.

“I swear this gets harder every time I come here, Cal.” 

You stiffen, feeling a presence behind you, without needing to turn around or even lift your head, you let out an irritated sigh.

“You of all people shouldn’t be here, especially not today. Not around me.”

“You still owe me. It’s been a year, grow a set, Love.” 

Fury fills your every thought as you lift your head and quickly get to your feet, turning to face him.

“What the fuck are you talking about? You’ve got some nerve, you son of a bitch!” 

“You’re still hot when you’re angry, princess. But don’t sass me, and leave my mother out of it would you. You know what I want. I’m here to collect.” He grins at you with those stupid white teeth, and you remember just how dangerous this man is. You’d fallen for his charms when he’d promised to protect Callie, if you went out on a date with him. He’d obviously been full of shit, since she was dead. He had seemed like the only option at the time. Scott was busy with the pack, and you hadn’t wanted to bother him over something that might have been all in your imagination. Something which you’d regretted to this day. 

“Excuse me?! Collect on what, exactly? You promised me you would protect my best friend, which you clearly didn’t do! Since I’m sitting here at her graveside. So get fucked, James. We haven’t had anything to talk about, not for a long time.” 

He’d lured you into a false sense of security when you’d first met. You were lonely, obsessed with your brother’s best friend, who’d never looked at you twice. Then this hot werewolf came along, promising you he wanted to be there for you, that he only wanted to help. You’d been an idiot to fall for it, but he was hot, charming, confident and seemingly capable. You would never fall for his shit again. However, he was dangerous, so you needed to tread carefully. At least that was what the smart part of your brain told you, unfortunately, you weren’t listening to that part, you were hurt, upset and consumed with thoughts of Callie. Not to mention your earlier interaction with Stiles.

“Stay the fuck away from me you scumbag,” you all but growl, your fists clenched at your sides.

James turning up out of nowhere after such a long time, and here of all places had your common sense at breaking point. 

However, before you can act you’re pressed against a tree with his big hand wrapped around your throat.

“What the fuck did you just say to me, you ungreatful little bitch?!” he snarls, his face impossibly close to your own. 

“You’re kidding me right! She’s dead! You didn’t do shit, James. There is no deal! What exactly should I be grateful for?” You grit out, trying to ignore the pain in your throat when his grip tightens.

He leans in closer, running his nose along the side of your neck inhaling deeply.

“Still just as pure as last time, in all the ways that matter to me anyway.” He chuckles deeply, as he pins your arms above your head with his free hand.

You shiver in disgust as he licks up the side of your neck with a groan, “get the fuck off of me.”

Suddenly he stiffens against you and you jolt in his grip as he rips your t-shirt down to reveal the rest of your neck and collarbone, and you immediately know what he’s seen.

“Who’s fucking touched you. You were supposed to be mine, you whore.”

Before you can even think of a reply a deep rumbling growl fills the graveyard, and you shiver involuntarily in his hold and a whimper slips past your lips. That growl is quickly followed by a few others, but the ground shaking roar fills you with relief.

James tosses you aside and turns to face the pack of wolves who are quickly advancing on you both. Your eyes fix on your brother immediately, the tension and fury coming off of him is palpable. You force yourself to climb to your feet, but you don’t dare to go around James. You know how quick his reflexes are.

So instead you try to focus somewhere else to calm your nerves, but as much as you try to avoid Stiles’ gaze, it’s like a magnet pulling you in, and when your eyes lock his eyes begin to glow purple. You hadn’t noticed that James had edged closer to you until it was too late, and his hand was wrapped in your hair tightly. 

“Let her go.” Scott demands as you’re forced to your knees. Scott’s eyes begin to glow red with the power of the Alpha that flows through him.

To James’ credit he does well to hide his flinch, but not well enough judging by the looks on the packs’ faces. Everyone except Stiles, who is now standing at Scott’s side, still focused on you. Scott reaches out just in time to stop Stiles from taking another step towards you.

“What’s it to you? You’re the true Alpha, right? So go find your own bitches to play with. This one is all mine, and she needs to be taught a lesson about what happens when she disobeys me.”

Scott’s smirk is dangerous as he takes a step forward, and you can’t help but wince as James’ grip tightens in your hair.

“Even if I ignore the fact that there’s a woman being held by you, who clearly has no interest. I can’t exactly ignore the fact that she’s my twin sister, and she’s in trouble. So, here’s how this is going to go, you can either let her go right now, or I’ll make sure you regret it.”

James remains silent as he stares back at Scott, you try to pull your head away as he lowers his mouth to your ear, “you can go for now. Just know, I will find you again, when nobody is around to save your ass. When you’re all alone again, I’ll finally take what you owe me.” The threat is as clear as the anger in his voice, he throws you forward with so much force you land at Scott’s feet. 

Scott reaches for you to help you up, but sudden movement has you distracted as you watch Stiles walk forward.

“You so much as speak about Sadie like that again, and I will fucking hunt you down and rip your throat out. You touch her again and you’ll damn well pay for it. You want someone to blame for the marks on her, you’re looking at him.”

“It was you?!” James spits as he squares up once again, and Stiles just smirks at him.

“Stiles, don’t.” You rasp, stepping in front of him and resting your hands on his chest, until he looks down at you.

His eyes drop to your neck, probably seeing the marks from James’ hands on your skin. His fingers gently touch the skin as his eyes move back to yours.

“Stiles, get her out of here.” Scott demands as the rest of the pack move in behind him, pushing you and Stiles to the back of the group.

Swallowing hard, Stiles moves his eyes away from your neck and to your surprise he takes your hand, gently tugging you along with him, until you start to follow on your own. You’re surprised, but extremely glad that he actually listened to Scott for once without argument.

“Are you okay?” Stiles asks hoarsely, as his fingers tighten over yours, he instinctively pulls you closer to his body.

Things still feel a little awkward and strained between the two of you. However, there’s no denying that you feel yourself relaxing now that you’re close again. Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop your feelings from this morning, resurfacing.

“Yeah, I’m fine Stiles. Thanks for coming for me,” you sigh softly, looking around the forest as you continue to walk away. The sounds of anyone else, all that noise it just disappears, until it’s just the two of you. 

“Of course we came for you,” he sighs in reply, and you drop his hand now you know nobody is watching, and wrap your arms around yourself. Unfortunately the feelings from this morning return completely as do his words, repeating on a loop in your mind.

You scoff, unable to help yourself. You move quickly, coming to a stop causing Stiles to follow suit. Allowing you to walk in front of him, so that you’re face to face.

“Why, because I’m Scott’s little sister? Because I’m your responsibility now? Let me save you the trouble Stiles, you’re under no obligation to save me! I was fine before you decided that I was worth your time, and I’ll be just fine after you leave!” You all but scream at him, feeling the anger surging through your body. Somewhere deep inside you know you’re angry at him, furious even, but there’s a very small part of you that feels as though not all of this anger is being aimed in the right direction, but it’s like you just can’t control yourself.

Stiles looks taken aback for a moment, though you can see that your words have hit their target, and hit hard by the look of hurt that crosses his face. Although he also looks worried, he still steps closer, and you clench your fists at your sides as he cups your cheeks in his hands.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I’m so sorry, Sadie. I was such a fucking idiot this morning, you caught me off guard, and as usual my stupid mouth said shit I hadn’t even processed yet. What I should have said was that I was scared to tell you, of all people, what had happened to me. I was worried you’d see me differently, stop giving me shit, and I couldn’t lose that look you give me when nobody was watching us.” You feel your anger beginning to calm as he rests his forehead on your own.

“I should’ve told you that I was too chicken shit to make a move before all of this happened, that I’ve never been happier to have almost died. And now that I know how good we are together, I can’t imagine being away from you. I should’ve told you that although it’s only been a day and a half, everything with us feels beyond right,” he takes your hand and rests it over his heart, you let your fist unclench as he lifts his eyes to yours, you feel a tear slide down your cheek. “You calm this beast inside me… well in all the ways that matter at least.” He smirks at you and you feel a smile tugging at your lips.

“Well, I suppose that is a much better answer. You always ramble when you get nervous.” You agree with a smile wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him closer as he buries his nose in your neck, inhaling deeply.

You wince when his fingers brush the bruises forming on your throat, and you feel the growl in his throat before you even hear it.

“He wont fucking get away with this, Sadie. I promise you. If Scott doesn’t make him pay, I will. Nobody should lay their fucking filthy hands on you.” 

Trying to lighten the mood a little, you tip his chin so your eyes meet. Doing your best to take the attention away from the thing that’s making his mood sour.

“Well, everyone except you, of course.”

The purple flares in his eyes as he backs you up against the closest tree. You can’t stop the whimper from slipping past your lips as his body presses in tightly against your own. 

“Was that an invitation?” he asks gently, tugging your head back by your hair, so that he can press soft kisses to your throat, masking the other man's scent on your body the best way he knows how. 

The kisses come to a stop just as fast as they’d started as Stiles pulls away to look you in the eye.

“Why did you stop!? It was definitely an invitation,” you pout at him, trying to pull off your sulkiest look.

He groans in regret, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, “look, I need to say this before I lose the nerve, as much as I hate to admit it, not everything you said this morning can be talked away between the two of us this quickly.”

Swallowing thickly you meet his eyes, “what do you mean?” 

He looks unsure of himself as he runs a hand through his hair, settling on scratching the back of his neck.

“We do need to go see Deaton. Sooner rather than later, you do need your options as much as it kills me that this might come back to haunt me. But we also need to find out what else he knows.”

“I was upset, Stiles. I didn’t mean anything by it.” 

“I know you were, with good reason. Sadie this isn’t some kind of trick, I just want you to have all of your options. If we keep going, you know, with this thing between us. Then I think we need to fully understand what you’re getting yourself into, and honestly, I really need to know what the hell is going on with me.” Stiles tells you nervously but with so much passion you’re no longer able to argue.

You sigh sadly before wrapping your arms around his neck again. 

“I know you’re right, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. 

“Trust me, I want to slap myself right now.” Stiles sighs, sitting down leaning back against the tree. 

You smile and carefully straddle his body, gently sitting down in his lap.

“Okay, so say I agree to go. Will you tell me how long you noticed me watching you?” 

You giggle as that playful expression crosses his face and he wraps his arms around you and pulls you close.

“You weren’t exactly subtle, Minx.”

“So how long?” you whisper against his lips.

“A few years. I liked it, you’re so beautiful, so smart, like my forbidden little secret,” he murmurs quietly, softly brushing the hair back from your face. 

“You should know it was much longer, I had so much planned for you. Still do.” 

“Come on, don’t do this to me, not now. I’ve always loved that bad girl sparkle in your eyes.” 

You can’t help but grin, and the thick bulge you’re now sitting on is only putting a strain on your self control.

“And you never thought about making a move?”

Stiles bites his bottom lip as his grip tightens around you.

“Oh, trust me. I thought about it regularly. Things have changed though, I won’t fuck you, or make love to you or mark you, not until we know everything. Then as soon as we do and you make a decision. If you choose me, I promise you, a pack of wolves couldn’t stop me from taking and marking what’s mine.” 

You moan at his words just before his lips crash against yours, you get lost in the passion as you grind your hips against his, the two of you holding onto each other like the world is going to end. Suddenly Stiles pulls away and his hands grip your hips halting your movements. 

“What is it?” you whisper sensing his distress.

“Someone’s coming, trust me and stay close,” He whispers in reply, carefully getting to his feet, he pushes you behind him.

“No matter what happens just promise you’ll stay behind me.” He sniffs the air and his body stiffens under your hands.

“Oh, Mischief,” a haunting voice calls and a shiver races up your spine, you know that voice.

Tags:

@julzdec @lettersofwrittencollective @mogaruke @lilulo-12fanfiction @charmed-asylum @defenderrosetyler @emilyshurley @foxyjwls007 @mylovelydame21 @akshi8278 @peaches0007 @stylesismyhubs @peachyyybabyy @fantasy-myth1 @death-unbecomes-you @coffeebooksandfandom @magssteenkamp @screamxqueenx94 @brien-odylan @riseandshinelittleblossom @ceceliaking-18 @mrs-mitch-rapp93 @missindecision @deans-number-one-fan @onethirstyunicorn @amberboo329 @chewie-redbird @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @ilovewriting06

[wandafiction]

Princess - Just Us Chapter 72

Warnings: Little Bit of Hurt and Angst

Word Count: 3351

Series List | Chapter 71 | Chapter 73

================================

(Wanda PoV)

Nat left about 30 minutes ago meaning that it's been nearly 3 hours since I've heard from Y/n, not that I need to hear from her every second of every day. But now I know what day it is, I'm more worried than I was before. I need to stay here though in case she comes back, and her finds my friends is turned off so I don't even know where I would start looking if I did leave to find her.

I'm sitting on one of the stools at the island nursing a cup of tea, my leg bouncing uncontrollably as my eyes are locked onto the dark screen of my phone. Just waiting for a notification, anything that tells me she is at least alive. I'm allowed to worry.

I know I just went over with Nat that I would give her time and space, especially since I hurt her in the worst possible way the day before their anniversary. I don't even know where to start on apologising. No apology will fix that which I just broke more, I have to get her to believe I didn't mean it. I don't need the forgiveness this is about her needing to hear that I was wrong. That she does know what it's like to be a mother. 

It doesn't matter if your child lives forever, dies at 2 months, if they don't even make it to birth. It doesn't matter if the child is from a previous relationship, or adopted, or even if you have raised the child of a family member. If you love, care for and show every day how proud you are and how loved they are by you. Well then you are a good mother. You become a mother the moment the stick says positive, and I all but stripped that title away from Y/n. 

I don't know how to fix it. I don't know if I can. But I do know, if she allows me too, I will show her everyday how much she means to me and how much of a good mother she is. She is a mother to Evie. She is a mother figure to both the boys. She needs to know that, then she can ask me anything she needs to and I will try my best to answer them.

No, I won't try. I will answer them all.

I just need to be upfront with her about why I'm so closed off, she needs to know that it's going to take time but she can slowly start chipping away at my walls. She needs to know that she is loved. 

I'm brought out of my inner monologue by my phone screen lighting up with her contact name. It's not a message though. She is calling me. I answer it as soon as I see her name pop up, but refrain myself from sounding excited that she is willing to talk to me.

Me: Hello

My voice is hesitant as the other end of the line crackles and pops with the sound of static, I'm not sure how she would have reacted if I called her baby so I refrained from using a pet name. The line continues to crackle and pop; I start to worry once again.

Me: Y/n are you there?

I hear a sharp breath from the end of the line.

Y/n: I'm here princess.

My heart soares as I hear her call me that name but don't let it take over my worry.

Me: Hi baby.

I hear her sigh, maybe the wind whistling in the background. So she is outside. I hear her sniffle and a small sob echoes down the line.

Me: What can I do baby? What do you need?

Y/n: You

She chokes out and my heart breaks at how emotional she sounds.

Me: I'm here baby. What do you need me to do? 

Y/n: Can you come and pick me up? I can't leave by myself.

Me: Where are you?

Y/n: The Marble Cemetery.

I press my lips together to hold back my own sob, trying to keep my composure for her.

Me: I'm on my way.

Y/n: Can you stay?

Me: On the phone?

Y/n: Please.

Me: Of course I will. I'm on my way now. Do you need anything else before I leave?

Y/n: No. I just need you.

Me: Okay, I'm on my way. 

Y/n: mhmm.

Me: Baby

Y/n: Yeah?

Me: I love you

Y/n: I love you too Princess.

Me: Right I'm just getting in the uber. 

Y/n: Can you talk to me? It's too quiet here, I don't like it when it's quiet.

Me: What do you want to talk about? 

Y/n: mmm, what have you got going on at work?

Me: Well me and Nat have a big meeting on Wednesday with some investors from Ukraine. They want to invest in certain aspects of the company, but in return want something like a welcome package. So we put a few ideas together last week, and are going to put them forward at the meeting.

Y/n: Am I allowed to know what is going to be in the welcome package?

Me: You can know that it's some medical stuff.

Y/n: That's all I get to know isn't it?

I smile when I hear a small giggle from her end and I let out a small laugh as I nod against the phone.

Me: It is. It's super confidential I'm afraid. What about you? What's going on at work for you?

Y/n: I, uh. I'm taking the rest of the week off. I think I need it. I just need a break from it all. 

My mouth goes dry at her words. Does she mean us too? No stop Wanda, this isn't about me it's about her. And what she needs.

Me: We all deserve a break at some point. You, more than most people.

Y/n: Why because I'm so broken? 

She scoffs and I close my eyes for a second stopping the tears from spilling, not that she can see them if they do.

Me: No not because of that. But you do need to escape for a while, just to help you organise yourself. Not put yourself back together as such, but just allow yourself to feel everything you've been harbouring.

Y/n: I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap, today is just a really tough day.

Me: It's okay baby, no need to apologise. I can't imagine how hard today is for you.

Y/n: You know what today is?

Me: I do, Nat told me.

Y/n: Wait Natasha knows?

Me: I will explain later, but yeah she does.

Y/n: Okay. You're not mad?

Me: Mad? Baby why would I be mad.

Y/n: For not telling you what day it was, or even where I was going.

Me: I'm far from mad Y/n. It's just good to hear your voice. I know it hasn't been long since you messaged me but I was a little worried just for your safety more than anything.

Y/n: Well I'm safe. 

Me: But you're not okay.

My voice is unassuming and attentive. It wasn't a question but a fact and by the sounds of Y/n's sigh on the end of the line I'm correct.

Y/n: No. 

Me: Anything I can do?

Y/n: Not while over the phone.

Me: Okay, I'm 5 minutes away okay.

Y/n: mkay.

Me: Hey baby.

Y/n: Yeah?

Me: Do you want me to come into the cemetery or do you want me to stand by the gates? 

Y/n: oh, uhm. You can come in if you want.

Me: This isn't about what I want Y/n, it's about what you need. Now, do you need me to come in? Or do you need me to wait outside?

Y/n: I want to want you here, but just not today. Let me know when you're at the gates and I will come and meet you.

Me: Okay baby. I'm literally two minutes away. I will let you know when I'm at the gates but please don't rush what you need to do, I can wait outside as long as you need.

Y/n: It's okay, I've done and said everything I needed to today. I just couldn't get myself to leave, I wasn't strong enough.

Her voice cracks, filled with so many emotions and I know she is trying to keep it all in.

Me: It's okay to let go sometimes Y/n. You don't always have to be so strong, you have people around you that will hold you up while you fall.

Y/n: I can't, not in front of Evie.

Me: Y/n your daughter. Can I use her name?

I don't want to have to keep referring to her as daughter or child but I don't know how Y/n will react at this moment if her daughter's name leaves my lips. I hear a faint hum before she speaks.

Y/n: Yeah.

Me: Y/n. I can't speak for her. I know that, but from my own experience with the boys. And I know it's not the same. That being said, your children know when something is up, even if you hide it as best as you can. They always know, they just can be afraid to question it because they are afraid you're mad at them.

Y/n: So you're saying she thinks I'm mad at her?

Me: No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying there is no point in hiding from her because she already knows that there is something bothering you. It's like when you talk to me or if you talked to Sarah about your feelings. You're allowed to break down in front of Evie Y/n, she won't love you any less for doing so.

She doesn't say anything, she doesn't need to because I hear her sobbing down the line. She keeps saying sorry and I know she is talking to Evie, it breaks my heart to hear her like this. 

I'm angry at myself for not picking up on some of the things Nat mentioned, how could I not see this? Looking back at all our interactions, I wonder how many times I've brushed off a change in her demeanour or tone, ignoring the change. Pretending it wasn't there. Or maybe I didn't notice the change, which makes it even worse. I should have been able to see these small changes in Y/n, and because I didn't she is now crying on the other end of the phone while sitting alone in the cemetery.

Me: Baby I'm just getting out of the car. I'm right outside the gate when you need me.

Y/n: Thank you for coming

Me: I will always come when you need me to. Always.

Y/n: I love you….

Me: But we have a lot to talk about.

Y/n: Yeah. I want you to know I want us to work, I don't want us to end. Is that something you want?

Me: I want the same thing as you Y/n but we have a lot to work on to get to a place where we are good.

Y/n: we got lost in the haze didn't we.

Me: We did, but we can get through this.

Y/n: I know we can. I don't want to do this over the phone, I'm on my way to you.

Me: Only if that's what you need right now.

Y/n: It's what I need. I can't stay here, anyway I'm freezing my ass off.

We both huff out a laugh, and hearing it brings me a small amount of hope and joy.

Me: Do you want me to stay on the phone till you get here?

Y/n: Please. Is it okay if I say bye to them while your still here 

Me: It's more than okay baby, it's me who is intruding on the moment. 

Y/n: It feels good having you here, you know. Even if it's just your voice. It's calming the storm that I've been battling all day. 

Me: I will do whatever I can to help keep that storm at bay until we can find a way to rid you of it.

Y/n: Thank you.

I don't say anything as I hear rustling around on her end, and I can only assume she has moved to sit or kneel in front of her loved ones graves. I don't say anything, not wanting to ruin any sort of moment like this ever. I can hear the pain in her voice once she starts speaking.

Y/n: I love you, sweet dreams my beautiful angel. And my beautiful colubris I miss and love you so much. Amor vincit omnia, et nos cedamus amori.

I hear the tone in her voice change, it's less pained. It almost sounds happy, she seems to forget we are still on the phone, and her next words make my heart soar out of my chest with all the love in the world.  

Y/n: I want you to meet Wanda one day. God you would have loved her. I know that because I love her, and you always loved what I loved, well apart from going to the gym. Now that you hated. I hope one day she will be up for meeting you, or that I will be ready to introduce her to you. She is important to me, just as you are and it's important to me that I introduce you to her. I don't know if it's something that she wants, and I would never force it on her, but I hope that if I bring her then I won't feel guilty anymore. I mean I don't feel guilty for moving on because I am allowed to do that, and I'm so glad it's Wanda I found. I just feel guilty because I love her just as much as I loved you and I never thought I'd feel that much love again. 

She lets out a small giggle stopping herself from the ramble, that has caused tears to spring to my ears but a small smile is painted on her face. I took everything in. I will hold this close to my heart, but the thing that is making me smile is how she said one day. She still sees a future with me. 

I've just got to support her through the guilt, and the loss and everything else that comes with loving someone who isn't your wife, children who aren't her daughter. I will be there every step of the way if she needs me to. 

Y/n: Sleep tight my angel and my colubris. 

There's a few moments of silence before I hear movement again. 

Y/n: Thank you for being here with me Princess. 

Me: Always my sweet girl. 

Y/n: I like when you call me that. 

Me: Then I won't ever stop.

Y/n: Good. I'm on my way to the gates now.

Me: Do you want me to stay on the phone till you get here?

Y/n: Please.

Me: Of course, sweet girl. 

I can hear her footsteps against the ground, her breath a little laboured from being in the cold for so long. My eyes search in front of me, as my ears continue to listen to the phone call in case she needs me at any point. When I finally catch sight of her I chew my lip nervously, my eyes searching her figure and frown when I see her shivering. How long has she been out here? I can see from here that her lips are turning blue.

Y/n: Hey Princess.

Her voice in my ear makes me startle a little, completely forgetting we were on a phone call for a split second and I hear a soft laugh leave her lips.

Y/n: Sorry I didn't mean to scare you.

Me: It's okay, I forgot that we were on the phone to each other for a second. 

Y/n: Ah, that makes sense. You look very comfy in those clothes but you look cold.

Me: So do you.

Y/n: I've been out here a couple hours, I am fucking frozen.

Me: I would scold you for staying out so long, but I know you needed it and I cannot scold you if there is no fault. 

She stops a few meters away from me smiling at me with so much love my heart practically jumps out of my chest. I feel myself give her my fuzzy smile and her eyes light up at the sight. She still doesn't move though so I tilt my head in question, and she starts nibbling at her lips before speaking into her phone.

Y/n: Can I hug you?

Me: Please do.

I bounce excitedly on my tiptoes as she takes a few big steps and wraps her arms around my body pulling me closer. I move my arms to wrap around her waist and pull her more against me as I bury my head into her chest. I feel her kiss the top of my head a few times before resting her chin on it. Her big hands rubbing up and down my back as I hold on as tight as I possibly can to the back of her overcoat. Both our phones are still in our hands so I quickly hang up and stuff it in my pocket so I can hold her properly, y/n doing the same. 

"I shouldn't have left the way I did last night."

"Don't apologise. You needed space and you communicated that, you didn't leave in any other way but for what you needed. And that is more than okay." She pulls away from me slightly, cupping my face with her gloved hands and tilting it so I'm looking at her.

"That's not what I meant, and I treasure the fact that you don't hate me for leaving. But I meant how I left after saying your name. I should have never left you like that, no matter what was happening. I should have said 'I will see you tomorrow princess'. Just because of what happened it does not mean I can treat you the way I did. Now I have a few things to get off my chest, that I need to tell you so that we can work on us."

"And I have some things I need to tell you too." 

"I love you so much princess. We are going to be okay."

"I love you too, my sweet girl. You don't know how much that means to me to hear you say that." 

"It's true, because we are going to talk. We are going to make a plan on how to deal with certain things. Then we are going to have dinner with the boys and have a nice quiet night in."

"Are you sure you're ready to do this today?" There must be so much going on in her head right now, and I can't in the right mind let her talk about us if she is not all present in the room.

"If I don't do it today, I don't think I will be able to until I lose control again."

"You lost control last night?" My eyes start to water when I realise just how tough her night would have been.

"I did a little. But I came here this morning and got some closure about a few things which has allowed me the strength to be able to talk with you."

"Okay. But can we please talk inside? I can't feel my toes" She laughs at me, her hot breath against my face bringing some relief to my cold skin.

"Of course. So yours or mine princess?"

================================

[yourenotdonefighting]

I've got two other WIPs that I need to update, yet here I am with something completely different. I love this ship so much, and I wasn't planning to write anything Chenford-related, but when the inspiration strikes, right?

Tim stands and shoves his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. He hasn’t been to the cemetery since the funeral and wasn’t planning on coming today. But there he stood, needing to talk, unsure of where to start.

“You were her best friend,” he says, after a long moment. “Then you were gone, and I couldn’t let her crumble the way I knew she wanted to. So, I stepped in, I think, without even realizing it.”

Tim pauses and draws in a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. He’s never said these things out loud before, and saying them now, even though no one is around to hear, makes him feel a bit light headed.

“I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the way, she allowed me the privilege of filling that space. And knowing her, loving her… It’s changed me in ways that I didn’t know were possible.”

[lover-of-mine]

Where would be the best place for buddie to go canon?

Okay, I have conflicting feelings about this, because nothing about buddie goes smoothly, they literally start because of a bomb, so I kinda think that they should keep the trend and make it happen somewhere unrelated? I know most people want it to happen in a kitchen, and I agree to a degree, but because the kitchens are sacred and I want that to be broken (I don't really think it's gonna happen, but I kinda wanted to see them fight in one of the kitchens because that would cut so much deeper than them fighting in unrelated locations), I also kinda think it shouldn't be in a kitchen. That being said, from existing locations, the ideal spot is Eddie's kitchen, but mostly because Eddie's kitchen has this energy of comfort and honesty, and if we keep the trend of important things happening to them in a kitchen, like Buck introducing Eddie to Carla, the post-tsunami conversation, them clearing the air after the lawsuit, the couch talk, them talking about the shooting, possibly Buck coming out, we could go there, but the thing is, it mostly happens at the loft tho, Eddie's kitchen doesn't really have romantic connotations the same way the loft has, and it is a place of vulnerability for Eddie, it's where we see him talk to Carla about Chris being scared of the job, it's where we see him talking to Chris during his breakdown arc, even the breakup with Ana is more about him being honest, and the 6x12 scene that has a lot of that with the way he's talking about being shot, and you have things that are exacerbated like when Buck is trying to talk to him in 5x11 and he doesn't really go into the kitchen, because Eddie is not letting him, and all of that is not true for Buck's kitchen, because loft in and on itself is a place of doomed relationships, with him getting it with Ali just for them to break up right after, everything about Taylor, Natalia running from it, so like, Buck doesn't really have a successufull relationship that's attached to his loft, so if we are talking about maximum intimacy in a sense, especially since I'm a firm believer Buck needs to make a move, so letting Buck in like that in the kitchen would really really drive that point home, to have Buck say "I love you, I want you, I want this" and having Eddie reciprocate there would be very intense. Even more if you consider the breakup with Ana "it's your mess now" and the whole thing with Abby and "stepping in with them" you could have a pretty epic scene happen in there. And when you consider how kitchens are an intimate place in 911 as a whole, and it might be just me and the way my therapist keeps telling me that regards relationships "if your life is a house, it's fine to keep people in the porch, but it's not everyone you can invite into the kitchen" and the way the show has made a point of Eddie being extremely careful about who we see in his house, and how the show loves to use locations in characters in a meta level, I don't think you can get more, I don't know, intimate, than Eddie's kitchen,

BUT the thing is, a lot of buddie is contained to the house. To the point that it is weird that they only had one scene in there in s6, so there's a chance that getting together there would confine them into the house in a sense, even more with the way things keep happening outside the house lately, to make it happen in a completely new location would be interesting, depending on how they play it. Because they had very intense scenes that happened outside the safety bubble one of the kitchens provides like the will reveal, them making up after the lawsuit at the station, the cemetery, even the grocery store of it all, the panic attacks convo, stuff like that, and that could be nice to watch.

There's a chance that the way they have been fumbling in their relationship since the last time we saw Buck with Eddie in the house is to make a point of how the house is their spot and the getting together would be to solidify that, and maybe we won't see Buck in the house if it's not about Chris until then, but I also think a lot of the message season 6 gave with not letting them in the house all that much is that buddie is more about the people and less about the space, but considering they haven't been alone outside of a call or at the station since the cemetery, a scene that feels like a breakup, them getting together at the house could give this sense of they finally got it right, with the way the house feels like home for the audience when it comes to them and Eddie is very careful about who he lets in it, so it could give this idea that they are finally home, so, like, if we are staying contained to known locations, Eddie's kitchen for sure, but that's because that would be the best place for an ideal getting together, but when have things been ideal for them? So I think a random location would be fun if they play the scene right. Especially because if they are moving in the direction I think they are going, where there will be no previously established pining, they're not gonna make it as if any of them have been secretly aware that they're in love with the other, you can have them kiss in a random location, and you make a kitchen scene the first time they say I love you, so you keep the milestone in the kitchen, but you don't make them get together in the kitchen, so you don't trap them in the house. You can even make the get together something heat of the moment outside the safety bubble, that they can't talk about in the moment it happens, and then have them talk about what it all means for them in the kitchen, so you maintain the kitchen of it all as they define the relationship, but not the actual getting together.

TLDR: random location for a kiss, talk about it in Eddie's kitchen is my ideal scenario right now.

[cultofsappho]

9 favourite books

tysm for the tag @daisymae-12 !!!

about a year ago, I was unemployed for a while and binged like, 50 queer romance books back to back. most of these are from that little period of freedom haha

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston - wow big shocker. the heavy rwrb blog puts it as her fav? we all gasped. No joke, this book inspires me so much, regularly. Its a comfort reread, a regular in my rotation of audiobook backround noise, and inspired several fics and counting.. #1 best boy right here

Six of Crows Duology by Leigh Bardugo - my #2 comfort rereads, I'm including Crooked Kingdom bc I ALWAYS pick up book #2 after finishing book #1. Wylan is my special boy and I need his POV chapters. (I also need more fic of him going fucking insane and becoming a tiny, richer, Kaz please and thank you)

Delilah Green Doesn't Care by Ashley Herring Blake - Look im a fantasy/magic/adventure girl, so this was very outside my norm when i bought it but i feel in LOVE. It's so mundane while also being very heartfelt and silly and fun. I absolutely loved it and plan to reread soon. plus........ sapphic sex scenes. what more do you want.

A Marvelous Light by Freya Marske - MAGIC. CURSES. SECRECT SOCIETY. LIBRARIES. PERIOD PEICE. (+magic sex???) SOLD. I need the next two books so bad but i'm broke rn. I will probably get #2 as an audio book from the library if I can soon!

Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas - not exaggerating, this book reminded my why I love reading. this is the book that kicked off my great reading binge of 2022. which is kinda weird bc I really don't like high school stories, i'm just too old now for them. BUT, magic. ghosts. queer. SOLD. Loved and reread many times and counting!

The Sunbearer Trials by Aiden Thomas - While we're on Aiden Thomas... I need Sunbearer Trials book 2 like, yesterday. I NEED IT AIDEN. Hunger Games meets Percy Jackson in the best possible combination that took my breath away. I flew (lol) through this book in one evening. (not recommended. savvor this shit. its excellent.)

The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun - the fact the author managed to make me enjoy the concept of a reality show is balls to the walls bananas. And the mental halth discussion in this stole the whole show.

Spell Bound by FT Lukens - It's really hard for me to pick between FT's books for a fav. I absolutely loved In Deeper Waters and So This Is Ever After, but Spell Bound hit me so hard. Of course, there's magic. (have you found my theme yet?) but specifically the discussion around lonliness, and Rook's relationship with "his adult" is so sweet and just really hit me somewhere soft.

One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston - I am seriously on the hunt for sapphic books that hit me the way some of the mlm books above have hit me and ols hits that nail on the head. This book made me realize I actually like time travel stories... if it's done in a very specific way haha. also... sapphic sex scenes. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME. I'M HERE FOR THE P-

ty for allowing me to indulge in my ramblings and love for these books <3 no pressure tags below the cut:

@14carrotghoul @myheartalivewrites @lazybug16 @penna-nomen @cosmicalart @sherryvalli @jesuisici33 @cha-melodius

[malleablemusic]

the queen is dead - the smiths

i’ve never listened to the smiths, and have tried to avoid them my entire life as much as i can. i successfully avoided watching 500 days of dummer for 23 years before giving in and deciding i should experience it in order to form my own opinion without any preconceived notions. it’s safe to say i was not surprised by how much i disliked the film, which definitely doesn’t make me feel better about branching out now, but hopefully the smiths will not disappoint. as a disclaimer, these opinions are a practice in separating the art from the artist- i still hate morrissey as a human being. here are my notes:

the queen is dead: 3.3/5 stars

"oh, has the world changed or have i changed?" this hit harder than i expected it to

his voice is so unique and special, and i love that he acknowledges that with the line "she said, 'eh, i know, and you cannot sing'" and then to follow this up with a joke about his piano skills being worse is unfortunately iconic of him

obsessed with the voice cracks he allows himself to sing, specifically on "were" in the line "i swear to god i never knew what drugs were" because it adds such a youthful vulnerability

i love how he compares the inconvenience of his hair being messed up by the rain to "love, law, and poverty"

overall, i think the lyrics are fire, but i don't love the beat. the drums are very cool, but it's lacking in guitar/bass

frankly, mr. shankly: 3.6/5 stars

groovy fun beat that i enjoyed immediately

the way that he sings "fulfilled" and "mentally ill" to rhyme them scratches my brain

"flatulent pain in the ass" is an epic insult that i will now be adding to my vocabulary

i know it's over: 2.9/5 stars

soothing beat and singing voice

"loud loutish lover treat her kindly, though she needs you more than she loves you" felt like a slap to the face and made me gasp out loud

morrissey is so good at dragging himself, "then why are you on your own tonight?" ok ouch

"it takes guts to be gentle and kind" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

beautiful lyrics but didn't stun or wow me, unfortunately boring

never had no one ever: 2/5 stars

wait was he 20 when he wrote this??

we get it morrissey, you are alone

this was very whiny and not in a hot way

cemetery gates: 3.8/5 stars

love the guitar so much

love the simplicity of this lyric, "they were born, and then they lived, and then they died / seems so unfair, i want to cry"

"'you say 'ere thrice the sun done salutation to the dawn' and you claim these words as your own" trying very hard not to be a misandrist here but it is so unrealistic for a man to have this experience and not the other way around LMAO

bigmouth strikes again: 4.3/5 stars

immediate banger

"sweetness i was only joking when i said I'd like to smash every tooth in your head" and "when i said by rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed" HUH???? what did he sayyyyyy

"and now I know how joan of arc felt" probably the best lyric I've ever heard, once again not sure a man could ever know what she felt but sure ok

obsessed with the high pitched echoing voice in the background

the boy with the thorn in his side: 2.6/5 stars

"behind the hatred there lies a plundering desire for love" i think in this song morrissey really gives himself away in that he confuses love for acceptance. he doesn't seem to wish to be loved by someone and acutally love them in return

hard to empathize with this song not gonna lie

i like the little scatting thing he does in the second half of the song

vicar in a tutu: 1.6/5 stars

in the least chronically online social justice warrior way possible i don't love how this song is just a big joke on how funny it would be if a man wore a typically feminine piece of clothing

dumb and stupid and not funny or entertaining (though i do love a good jab at the church)

there is a light that never goes out: 4.3/5 stars

another banger

the kind of song i want to scream out my car windows while speeding down a highway

is that a flute or recorder in the background? either way, so fun!

quintessential angst teen experience of driving around in your car

some girls are bigger than others: .1/5 stars

the opposite of going out with a bang

following a banger with a FLOP

the title made me flinch

what is the point of this song?? so so lame

didn't even want to finish the song, it just repeats the one stupid lyric "some girls are bigger than others"

overall, i did not hate the album as much as i anticipated! a few bangers to add to the playlist, but definitely a few flops. this album gets a 3.4/5 from me!

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #1093: Visiting Mom Again (Epithet Erased)

1:09 p.m. at Sweet Jazz City's Sidewalk.........

Cashier: Thank you! Come again!~

Giovanni: (Looks Down at the Bonquet of Flowers He Just Brought From the Outdoors Flower Shop a Few Seconds Ago) Sheesh....I know it's Spring, but do they really have to charge us over thirty bucks for a bunch of these flowers?

Molly: (Walking Next to her Boss) Considering how gorgeous each of them look together, I can't really say their prices surprises me all that much.

Giovanni: ('Sigh') Well, I guess I won't really matter so long as your mom will like them.....(Starts Getting Nervous) She'll.....like the flowers we're going to give her, right?

Molly: (Giggles Softly) Boss, she'll love them and you as well. Don't worry.

Giovanni: ('Psh') Me? Worry? Honestly, Beartrap, do you have any idea who you're talking to right now? I go by Vincent Murder now and I shouldn't get feared by anyone!

Molly: (Starts Smirking a Bit Teasingly) Except for my mom apparently~

Giovanni: (Pouts at his Beartrap) Hey, I am NOT scared of your mother! (Starts Looking Away While Rubbing the Back of his Head Back and Forth) I just.....wanted to make a good impression is all.

Molly: (Gives her Boss a Reassuring Smile) I know you do, Boss. But again, you really have nothing to worry about here. She won't bite, not physically anyways.

Giovanni: Yeah, but she can possess me against my own will....(Starts Doing the Mini Thriller Dance) Make me dance around like a puppet on strings if she wants to.

Molly: (Starts Snickering a Bit) Okay, first off, you really gotta stop watching these Scooby Doo Movies till midnight, it's clearly messing with your psyche a bit. And second, my mom is way too professional to go around possessing every person she sees.

Giovanni: (Grabs his Chin in a Curious Manner) Ahh....a professionist, you say? Do tell.

Molly: Really don't think "professionist" is a real word, but if you must know, my mom was a pretty busy lady over the years. She always worked so hard to make sure the toy business is in best shape possible, as well as making sure that our family doesn't fall apart in the process.

Giovanni: So the actual breadwinner of the family?

Molly: Pretty much, yeah. She was even able to keep dad in check a whole lot better than Lori and I ever could. (Smiles Fondly at the Thought of her Mother) But even then, she still did everything she could to give us the love, support and care none of us hardly knew we needed at the time..... (Starts Frowning Sadly) Regardless of how short lived her time here was.......

Giovanni: (Frowns at Her Sadden Minion as He Gently Place his Hand onto Her Shoulder) I'm really sorry for your loss, Molly.....

Molly: Thank you. It's still a lot to take in completely, but I won't let it get me down forever. (Looks Up and Gives her Boss a Determined Look on her FaceL Not when I still have a whole life ahead of me going forward.

Giovanni: (Smiles a Little But Proudly at Molly) Atta girl. (Playfully Ruffles the Top of Molly's Hair) And don't think for a second you're on your own on this, you hear?

Molly: (Giggles Ticklishly by the Haor Ruffles) I know, I know!~ We're a team. We stick together, am I right?

Giovanni: (Smiles Brightly) Exactly!

The (not so) villainous duo begins to stop walking as they see a sign on top of a horse shoe shaped entrance that reads "Sweet Jazz's Cemetery".

Giovanni: Hm. (Looks Back to Molly) Is this the place?

Molly: (Simply Nodded) Yep. We're here alright. (Turns to her Boss) You ready to finally meet Momma Beartrap in person?

Giovanni: ('Sigh') As I'll ever be. (Watches Molly Makes her Way To the Cemetery) But uh....Molly?

Molly: (Stops Walking as She Looks Back.at Giovanni) Hm?

Giovanni: (Takes a Deep Breath Before Speaking) Listen, i....know I can never live up to be as good as a parental figure as she was. But I'm still gonna do my damndest to be there for you every step of the way!

Molly: (Stares at Giovanni for a Few Seconds Before Smiling Softly) Boss, you don't have to be exactly like my mom to look after me. Because you're already doing a amazing job at it just by being yourself. (Smile Turns into a Sincere, Bright One) And that's all it really matters me right now.

Giovanni: (Stares at Molly For a Brief Second Before His Heart Begins to Melt in Genuine Happiness) Thank you, Beartrap.

Happy Late Mother's Day

@aprilbrowines

[morvantmortuary]

No pressure to answer this ask, but—if you didn't know—I got the news today that I have some precancerous skin cells that need to be evicted/excised in about a week. I'm fine, but I'm a little overwhelmed? Processing? Disassociating? I would love some Morvant comfort, if you don't mind. Maybe, how they would react and/or help if their S/O got a similar diagnosis? (Also, I hope you're having a great day <3)

I'm sorry this has taken me so long, bud, but I've been thinking about it since you sent it in!! I had somehow missed that post, and I'm sorry it's something you have to deal with right now. I'm sure it'll all go super smoothly, and then it'll be something you don't have to worry about any more, okay? 🖤 I'm flattered you thought of the Morvants to help you feel more at ease, babe :) They all have their ways, as you'll see under the cut!

Maxi would be doing his best not to hover, ngl. The day you found out, he would have insisted on going with you to the appointment, if you were comfortable with that. If you didn't want him to go in with you, he'd be content to hang in the waiting room (making cheerful conversation with whoever was there, despite the fact that whoever was on the other end of that would have the faintest feeling of something being... off. it's all the Death!). Or if you wanted him to go in with you, he'd be happy to make small talk with your doctor, anatomy guy to anatomy person, as he does, until you got the news.

Once you'd heard you needed the procedure, he'd be sitting on his hands not to ask a million questions, so as not to overwhelm you. He'd drive you to wherever you wanted to go after: your place, the House, somewhere to grab a bite, a park to just sit and get some air for a bit. He'd maybe tilt his hand a little bit by sitting closer to you than usual, be a bit more reluctant to let go of your hand, but he'd be his usual chipper self nonetheless. He'd only reluctantly go handle clients, living or deceased, as needed, but he'd insist he'd have his phone on him the whole time if you needed him to come back. (And he'd jump whenever he thought he heard it make a noise, too - imagine him sitting with a grieving couple burying someone's mom, and then from his pocket comes a loud chorus of the little laser noises baby alligators make. Very confusing for all involved.)

The minute you were busy - playing a game, watching a show, having a nap - he'd be googling the procedure and everything that goes into aftercare, researching statistics, all the stuff a worrywart would do. Partially so he can get himself to calm down and stop mentally catastrophizing, as he also does, but mostly so he can find some way to be reassuring if you wanted to talk about it. When you brought it up, he'd be all smiles. "It's super common, darlin'," he'd soothe, acting like he definitely knew that the whole time and hadn't been up reading everything he could find online at three am. "Bodies just do that, sometimes, it's like they trip over their own mechanisms and glitch. Livin' things have a habit of gettin' confused. But it'll be fine, you'll see - they'll take care of it, and it'll just be a one-and-done kinda deal." He'd promise this with a kiss to your forehead. "And you won't have to lift a finger after the fact, I'll be your butler as long as you need," he'd joke.

He’d only be a little nervous in the sense that he wasn’t sure if his usual death jokes would be fine, or be somewhat upsetting. Not that this was even going to be a possibility, of course - he just knows health scares can make people sensitive. He’d hesitate a little bit if when he asked if you wanted to go sit at your usual spot in the cemetery, or would maybe be a little more inclined to borrow the mustang from Hex instead of taking the hearse. You might catch him once or twice cutting himself off after what sounds like a set-up for one of his grim puns, suddenly trailing off before following it with a shy smile and a “Sorry, lost my train of thought.” He’d even be cautious about what horror movies or spooky web videos the pair of you watched, if you even felt like watching them at all; he’d make a point to carefully steer clear of anything to do with hospital horror or medicine, instead opting for creature features or ghosts - something with a definite third party threat.

The day of, he wouldn't even consider not going with you. He'd be there the whole time (even in the room, depending on the treatment), happily telling you every weird fact he knew about skin to try and keep you distracted during the process. afterward he'd be dedicated to catering to you as much as possible, keeping you comfortable (at your place or the House as you preferred) and playing up the whole butler thing whenever you need something with an awful British accent and a bit of a RiffRaff bent back, just to make you laugh. You could definitely expect some of his cookies he makes for clients, and some fresh-squeezed lemonade to go with them, but whatever you wanted, honestly, he'd be happy to make for you or go get. The rest of the time, he'd be wrapped around you like a sloth on your couch in an old t-shirt and sweats, only letting go whenever you needed to free yourself for some reason. He's a hugger - it's just as much for him as it is for you.

He'd insist on being there too when you went for your follow-up, but everything turns out fine, so he'd just think of the whole ordeal as one of those one-off kind of scary things that happens when you love someone in a mortal body. (Although if there was the possibility, he'd ask if there were any tissue samples for you to keep if you wanted them, just because he thought they might be a neat souvenir. :'D)

Hex is a little less white-knuckled about the whole thing, as always. He'd be concerned, for sure: as someone who deals mostly with the spectral part of things, bodies occasionally make him nervous with just how they can go rogue. But he'd be more of the approach that until something happened, there was nothing to worry about. "It'll be fine, querida," he'd say that afternoon, after finding out you needed the procedure. (He would've gone with you to the appointment if you asked him to, but he figures you'll let him know when you need some moral support, so he's a bit more relaxed about things.) "They caught it, we'll go hand over some of your skin, it'll all be no big deal." He'd kiss the back of your hand, giving you his best 'do I look worried?' smile.

He pointedly does not google things, because the more he knows, the more his brain spins it around like shoes in a dryer. But you'd probably notice that between now and the day you'd go in to get it done, he'd be baking more than usual: bread, cookies, concha, even something fried like beignets, any recipe he had knocking around in his skull that he knew worked with your dietary needs. (Just not pie, his pies are cursed.) You'd be working on your draft in another room, or streaming a game, and he'd wander in with something that smelled heavenly on a plate. "Here, baby, you gotta eat some of this this, I got bored and made too much," he'd say, setting it down in front of you while still in a flour-covered apron. He'd stand there absently wiping his hands on it, watching whatever you were doing idly. "What do you think you want for dinner, anyway? I was thinking chilaquiles, but like, if you were feeling something else, I can do that. I can even try something new, if you want, I've been needing something to dick around with," he'd say, shrugging like this was all totally normal. But secretly, he'd be keeping himself busy in the kitchen because it took up more of his brain than his photography. When it's just him and his camera, he has too much time between framing and shooting to let his mind wander to places he didn't want it to. Cooking (especially baking) requires focus, and more involved use of his hands. If he kept busy, he couldn't find time to think about it, and if he couldn't think about it, he couldn't worry. You'd eat even better than usual between your appointment and the procedure, which is wild, because he feeds you pretty well to begin with. On the day of, there'd be a chance he'd show up to your procedure with brownies for the clinic staff, just because he'd filled the whole kitchen by that point.

When he wasn't in the kitchen, Hex would be a bit like a prickly seedpod from outside - one part of him would seemingly be stuck to you at all times when it was just the two of you hanging out. That could be his chin resting on your shoulder out of nowhere, or his shoulder bumping yours when you were washing dishes, even sleeping with his foot against one of your calves when he was rolling around like a rotisserie chicken as always.

The day of, he'd go with you, seemingly cool as a cucumber. He'd crack jokes the whole time, but for someone who normally gives you space when it comes to your appointments for your privacy's sake, he'd be notably determined not to leave your side. He'd stick to you like glue everywhere he was allowed to go, and afterward, he'd drive home in the mustang with one hand on your knee (being surprisingly good at driving one-handed!). He'd make an exaggerated deal of how brave you were when you got home, peppering your face with playful "mwah" kisses, but there'd be just a little relief to it.

When you inevitably got the all-clear, he'd visibly relax as soon as he found out. "I knew it was gonna be fine," he'd say immediately, holding up a hand. "It was always gonna be fine. I just like having the official 'okay you're good,' y'know? Like... you know what I mean," he'd say, rolling his eyes at himself. But he would insist on the two of you dancing that night to celebrate if you felt up to it, either going out or just in the kitchen with his speakers.

Rora wouldn't be unconcerned, but she'd definitely be a bit less rattled than the boys. "Skin is such a fickle organ," she'd say, almost sounding irritated on your behalf. "I swear, it's the only one that needs this much manual intervention not to be a pain in the neck. You don't see your lungs needin' moisturizer, or your heart needin' retinol," she'd add, looking back down at whatever she was working on to keep her hands busy - repotting a plant, altering the hem of one of her dresses, or placing the eyes in a stuffed possum. "...Granted," she'd add after a moment. "I suppose that's because they're technically already moist. What I'm gettin' at is," she'd say, looking back up. "You don't have to worry about it, sweet pea. It's just one of those things."

But the minute you showed any sort of concern, she'd drop what she was doing, coming over to you to gently cup your face like you were made of something fragile. "Daffodil," she'd say, making a point to meet your eyes. "Nothin' bad is gonna happen. This is just an inconvenience - one more thing you have to do, like you don't have enough on your plate as is." She'd kiss the end of your nose. "The doctors will do their jobs right if they wanna keep their hands attached to their bodies, and this'll just be somethin' you need the day off for. That's all." She'd run her hand over your hair, taking you in. "I'm not gonna let anything hurt my petal, I swear.” (How she intended to fight errant skin cells was a mystery, but something in her voice made you think she might indeed have her ways.)

In the meantime, she would almost seem doggedly determined to keep the pair of you busy. Whenever you weren’t at work or occupied with one of your own projects, she would seemingly find all sorts of things for the pair of you to do: she’d surprise you with couple’s massage appointments if she thought it would be something you’d like, she’d take you to get your nails done (manicure, pedicure, or both, whatever you were most comfortable with sensory-wise), she’d abruptly decide that the pair of you definitely needed to have a picnic in the back garden, and then ask if you’d help her plant some new rose bushes. Just when you thought you’d get a moment to just sit and stew for a bit, she’d sneak up behind you and ask if your show her how a smartphone works again (despite you being pretty sure she already knew), or if you wouldn’t mind helping her take her latest taxidermies to the little market stall where she sells them. She’d not only seem to be dying to pamper you, she’d also seemingly suddenly be unable to complete any of her to-do list without you being in the near vicinity. She wouldn’t do it to the point of exhausting you, of course - she’d make sure the two of you had plenty of downtime when it was needed. But if anything, it would seem like her approach was to make sure neither of you had time to think about it, even if that did mean you were suddenly involved in your own private taxidermy masterclass one evening.

If you did voice your anxieties, Rora would make a point to freeze her hands in place with whatever she was doing and listen. That doesn’t always mean she would be staring at you — if anything, you knew that sometimes Ror was listening all the more deeply when her eyes were fixed on something else. But when you’d gotten it off your chest, she would look up at you again, her eyes oddly calm. “I don’t blame you one bit for bein’ nervous, little bee,” she’d say quietly. “But you don’t need to be, because nothin’ is gonna happen. I told you, and I intend to keep my word. So you just leave that part to me, okay?” And she’d smile that small, quiet smile that, while it was reassuring, also made you feel a little bit like she had something up her sleeve. (Which is odd in its own way, because she normally hates wearing sleeves.) But she’d be especially affectionate in the days between your diagnosis and the procedure, often hugging you soundlessly from behind, or sneaking a kiss on your cheek whenever you least expected it. When the pair of you slept, she’d fiddle with the ends of your hair until she dozed off, her other arm snugly over your waist.

Rora hates doctors for lots of reasons - partially because she saw her grandfather, her father, and now her brother deal with what she viewed as their failures, and partially because of her own experiences as a young girl with mental illness in the South when she was alive. That wouldn’t keep her from coming with you to your appointment, though, even if she had to wear a high-necked dress and a scarf over her hair in the Louisiana heat to hide her more interesting scars. No one would question the mysterious woman who followed you to the exam room, or the fact that she sat just in the corner of your eye the entire time. When the procedure was over with, she’d hold your hand the entire way out, and then immediately demand whichever of the boys she made drive you both there (probably Hector, but both if Maxi could make it) to take all of you to whatever junk food/dessert place was calling your name.

When you got the inevitable all-clear, she would beam, her smile sublime. “I told you it would all work out, petal,” she’d coo, planting lipstick kisses all over your face. Until she’d pause, leaning back. “Saves me from havin’ to harvest some doctors’ fingers, too. Thank god.” When you asked her what, exactly, she would’ve needed those for, she’d just shrug coyly with a smirk to mask. “That’s not a spell we need to cast right now, honey. Don’t you worry your pretty head about it.” Then the two of you would spend the entire evening doing absolutely nothing (until you took an interest in each other, that is.)

-

I hope this helps at all, babe. 🖤 If we can do anything for you, don’t hesitate to let us know! Love you lots!! 🥰 Everything is gonna be fine, you’ll see!

Rora deeply dislikes doctors for all sorts of reasons -- a bit because her grandfather, her father, and now her brother frequently dealt/deal with what she perceives as their failures, a bit because of her own experiences with them when she was alive. But she’d be determined to go to your procedure, even if she had to wear a high neck and a scarf around her hair in the heat to cover up her more unusual scars. She wouldn’t be able to drive you, but she’d get one of the guys to do it if need be, and keep her hand on your thigh the entire ride over. Oddly, the doctors wouldn’t question the mysterious woman who followed you into the exam room from the waiting room - and she’d be quietly off to the side the entire time, just out of the corner of your eye. The minute you left, she’d be holding your hand all the way to the car, and immediately demand whichever of the guys she roped into driving (likely Hector, although both would come if they could) to stop by whatever fast food/dessert place was most speaking to you at the moment. You’d spend the rest of the night doing nothing at all (until you took an interest in each other, that is).

When you got the all-clear, she would just beam. “Good. I knew that. See? You’re gonna be fine, petal.” She’d enthusiastically pepper your face with lipstick kisses, until she’d pause at one point. “Saves me from havin’ to steal a bunch of doctors’ fingers, too. Thank god, that would’ve been such a pain.” When you asked her, perhaps somewhat hesitantly, what she wanted with those, she’d just shrug. “Never you mind, my rose. We won’t be needin’ that spell after all,” she’d say, her smile positively sublime.

[motownfiction]

neil young's harvest moon

Some days, Steph can’t seem to get Sam out of the radio.

Everyone pretty much agrees that if Sam is a ghost out there somewhere, he’s never in the cemetery. He might have had a good time for the first day or two after his burial, looking at all the names and dates on other people’s headstones, but it wouldn’t have held him for very long. No, if Sam is a ghost, then he lives on the radio, visiting the people he loves in grocery stores, chain restaurants, dental offices, and cars.

He mostly comes to Steph in cars.

Today’s been a busy day for driving. Katie’s out of town for an away game with her team, and Steph’s the only parent around for drop-offs and pick-ups. She dropped Jenny off at a friend’s house all the way over in East Dearborn, and now, she has to pick Judy up from a sleepover way out in Belleville. Steph’s car has more miles on it than she ever thought possible.

But it’s OK. There was nothing she wanted more than to be a mother, and she got the two best, sweetest, most wonderful girls in the universe. And even if she has to drive them everywhere for the rest of her life, it’ll be OK. Sam knows he could have been there. That he should have been there. He can’t take the wheel, so he takes control of the airwaves.

Like yesterday evening, when Steph was dropping Judy off at her sleepover, two different stations were playing “Private Eyes” by Hall & Oates. Steph laughed and laughed, sang and sang. When Judy said she didn’t get the big idea, Steph turned the volume up and shouted a story.

YOUR DAD USED TO HAVE A DANCE TO THIS SONG! she said. HE USED A FLASHLIGHT AND EVERYTHING.

On the way home from dropping Judy off, Steph flipped to a random station, and they were playing “Baby, I Need Your Loving.” She laughed, thinking about what Sam used to say about that song: It’s what moms in the rich neighborhoods are comfortable singing at Tiger Stadium, and that’s it. He always had good lines. Slick as can be. Better and smarter than Steph ever was, but he liked her, anyway. Loved her.

And the second she starts to doubt it, she turns to another station, just at what she believes is her own whim.

I never thought it would happen / with me and the girl from Clapham …

Steph smacks the steering wheel and cracks up, right there, on the road. She manages to avoid swerving, but it would almost be worth it if she had. No one ever plays this song. If they play Squeeze at all, it’s always “Tempted.” But “Up the Junction?” What the hell is that, besides the song Sam played the first time he and Steph ever kissed?

She grins. They were so little. So nervous. He must be trying to tell her something on the radio, but she’s not sure what it is until she turns the dial one more time.

Come a little bit closer / hear what I have to say …

It almost makes Steph roll her eyes. It’s just like Sam to communicate through the most comically obvious lyrics, and it’s just like Sam to choose Neil Young’s “Harvest Moon” in the fall. She will believe he lives on the radio until someone can prove otherwise, beyond the shadow of a doubt. Even then, she’ll probably just assume the shadow is Sam. If anyone’s a spirit, it’s him. The man with more spirit than anyone Steph has ever known.

She knows what he’s trying to say. When she listens, she can always hear him. He knows she’s upset – about a lot of things, not the least of which is that Sam doesn’t get the chance to see their girls live and flourish – but she’ll be OK.

On this harvest moon.

(part of @nosebleedclub september challenge -- day xxviii! i had to play around with the title a bit, since i already had a piece called "harvest moon")

[casspurrjoybell-26]

The Contract - Chapter 22

*Warning: Adult Content*

Finishing on set for the last day of filming, everyone was celebrating, oblivious to the vibe in the room.

Since Amanda and I locked lips by my trailer, she's not spoken to me or looked at me, she did only when we have a scene together, other than that, she was ignoring me.

I fucked up and now people have noticed a rift between her and me because I fucking kissed her, like an idiot.

It's even reached gossip websites online that she and I are having a 'lovers quarrel' after someone on set leaked that we were close and then suddenly not talking to the press.

It's been four months since then and the rumors are getting worse, making it impossible to leave my new apartment without being hounded by the press.

Everyone's celebrating finishing the show and all I want to do is leave... I can't take this day any longer, I'm tired and honestly at my lowest, considering what today also is... Today may be the last day of filming but it's also the anniversary of my dad's death.

It's been hard the last few months, my schedule has been packed to the point where I've not had a single day off to myself.

I've not seen Donovan since, I moved agencies, which I really didn't want but I couldn't see any other way around it than leaving Desire and finding another agency to take me on.

Luckily, the show was doing so well that I had lots of offers until I settled on one to represent me.

I'm sending monthly checks from my earnings from the ads I've been in, to the show appearances I've attended, just so I can pay back the money to Donovan.

"What's next for you then Evan?" Rose asks, an extra on the show. "I heard a rumor you're going to be in an action movie with Tom Dean," she says, coming closer.

I smile politely and shrug, shifting in my seat.

Where did she hear that?

"I'm going to take time for myself but that could happen, I'm up for anything, as long as I'm fully dressed this time," I say, making her blush.

"Evan," Chrissy sits down, looking tipsy. "We're all gonna miss you. Let's hope for a second season next year."

I smile, praying for anything but a second season, wanting to get out of here as soon as possible.

Chrissy became a friend here.

She's a stuntwoman and one of the most down-to-earth girls I've met in the industry so far.

"Well, if you miss me, I'm always a call away," I joke, trying my best to smile.

Chrissy looks are me and then smiles sadly, before wrapping her arms around me in a hug.

"I'm so sorry about your dad," she says softly in my ear. "Nobody will look twice if you left early, we're all here for you Evan," she says, rubbing my back.

I nod my head and then pull away, when I look around I notice that everyone was eating cake and talking amongst themselves.

She's right, I should go.

It's getting harder and harder to just sit here and ruin the fun for everyone else.

Besides, I needed to pick up the flowers and then drive down to the cemetery in my hometown outside NY.

"Thanks, Chris. Have a good weekend."

We say our goodbyes and then I take this opportunity to leave, saying 'bye' and 'thank you' along the way as I pass crewmembers.

I get into my new smart car and drive out of the studio lot and make my way towards my apartment, then to the flower shop.

I don't even have to guess if my mom will show up. I know she won't.

She's never been the same since my dad got in a car accident and died.

My dad, Richard Beckett died after some drunk driver crashed into him and then drove off without a single injury or dent in their car.

He was coming home after a fishing trip and some drunk asshole left him in an upside-down car, passed out with a piece of car lodged in his chest, for hours until someone found him.

The drunk driver was never found and his case was a cold one, meaning.. they had given up trying and just forgotten about him.

This day... this day has always been hard for me, every year since his death I make my way back home outside NY and honor his memory by doing things he loved doing together.

Despite my fame and all the friends I've made in the past few months, I have never felt more lonely.

They never tell you once you make it, that it's this bad and that it's just you, on your own to deal with it alone.

Once I make it home and get freshened up, I pick up the flowers for his grave and then drive down to where he's buried.

Coming to the empty graveyard made everything I feel ten times worse but as usual, I kept it together, not wanting to show weakness, not here... Not today.

I find his grave and then bend down and place the flowers in front of his headstone, before sitting down, thinking of all the things I want to say to him and where to start.

"Hi dad, it's me, Evan," I start by saying, putting my hand on his headstone.

"I just came from the studio... I made it dad... I finally made my dream come true, just like you always said I would if I just never gave up," I force out my voice breaking.

"I wish you were here dad."

Tears fall down my face as I grip my head while my heart feels like it's breaking apart and start crying into my sleeve.

I didn't want to come here and cry like this, not here, not in front of him... If he was here, he'd tell me it was normal to cry and then wrap his arms around me telling me he's proud of me.

I don't know how much time had passed since I arrived here,but it's pitch black and one a.m. when I look at the time.

Spending the rest of the day next to my dad's grave made me realize just how much everything had changed and how little I haven't changed.

Turning my phone on, I see that I've gotten a few missed calls from Robbie.

Robbie knew I'd be here but it doesn't stop him from checking up on me.

I have other messages but I don't look at them and turn my phone off again.

I don't want to go back just yet... there's nothing to go back to but an empty apartment anyways, so I choose to stay, nobody will care if I stay.

I rest my back against his headstone and close my eyes, listening to the owls and insects all around me talking as let it calm me down.

It's so peaceful here... unlike the city, where I'm followed around on a daily basis by Connor Whitlock fans and hounded by people with cameras, reporting to some news or gossip website.

I let the sounds of the graveyard take over my exhausted body, feeling as if all the weight off my shoulders is finally lifted and then allow my body to rest, with the image of my dad next to me, telling me to sleep.

[maroonghoul]

Horror Movie’s I just watched: May 2023

Shorter list this time. Here we go:

Resurrection (2022) I saved this one for Mother’s day because I heard the main character was a Mom. I was a bit afraid it wouldn’t factor into the plot that much, but I was reassured, especially with the final scene.

This is another one, kinda like Censor, where the whole thing might be in the protagonist's head. Where she’s so wound up tight at the beginning that her daughter’s accident only starts the ball rolling in her head some nightmarish fantasy of the worst case scenario. It helps that we never got any confirmation about whether of not Tim Roth’s character was a hallucination or anyone else can see him. Hell, given that we never get a flashback with him and his first lines is him saying he doesn’t recognize her, there’s a disturbing possibility that he is real, but is some poor guy who just looks way too much like her ex and she’s hallucinating everything he said. And that final reveal about the baby actually being inside him is too surreal and supernatural to not have heavy implications if it wasn’t in her head.

Granted, like the best of ambiguous films, the story works regardless if this theory is right or not. The point is, externally or internally, this character is tormented. I feel like the moral of this story is; Girlbossing can only help you in limited ways. When it come to trauma as severe as this, try to find therapy. Though given our culture, she still probably couldn’t. It’s not fair.

Mad God Here was a movie I couldn’t take my eyes off, and I still feel like I missed a few things. That’s how striking the imagery was. I don’t know what I can add to what’s already been said about the themes that others haven’t already. Cycles of violence not solving anything, the de-personification of mass labor, civilizations rising and falling again despite the sacrifices; those are what I can glean. Also, being reminded at various points of Eraserhead, Fallout New Vegas, Metropolis, and Cemetery Man. Probably not even half of that was intentional. 

It just wows me. Any one of the creatures in this could be the centerpiece or high point of any other film. Stop motion really has become a lost art. Sure, we know now a big reason why studios heavily prefer CGI, despite how good it actually looks, is cheaper and faster to make then any other effect. But works like this show that, if you’re actually comfortable letting film take as much time as it needs and use as much money as possible to make it look good (Better there than some executive’s overstuffed salary), you’ll allow a lot more variety in how each film is made and look. Gee, it’s almost like time crunches and trying to save money is actually bad for the product. WhO kNeW?

Scare Me I recognized the male lead, Josh Ruben, from CollegeHumor. And after that, this whole movie, to me, played like an extended Hardly Working sketch. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.

I was worried a whole movie mostly about two people (briefly three) telling scary stories, and not actually showing us the stories, would look too cheap. Thankfully, there were some technical flourishes. The performances, including the bits their characters acted out so they’re effectively a performance in a performance, are good even if the stories themselves are hit or miss. 

The first werewolf one is just goofy, but that’s intentional. The Grandpa one is ok, even if it’s a touch ableist at a point. The troll’s a bit fun. And the “deal with the devil” one has a fun payoff. 

What this actually ends up being about, insecure white male (maybe?) getting violent with his more successful female colleague was pretty inevitable given how passive-aggressive they both are. Honestly, that they’re both such a-holes help kept what would be a too uncomfortable situation pretty light. You can mark this as another case of “actor known for comedy taking a serious villain role to show their range” movie, like Robin Williams. This was effective enough here, though I don’t know if it would work for him outside of it. 

Final note (and mild spoiler for two films), can’t help but felt like the mid-credit scene reminded of the very end of the 1982 movie Death Trap. Not sure if that movie was a direct inspiration for this. I saw that for the first time about a month ago so it’s fresh on my mind. Outside of that, this is pretty much a good hang-out horror movie. Especially for fans of the old College Humor.

That’s all for now. I’ll probably have less films to talk about next time, but I’ll try to make up for it in July.

[nickgerlich]

Grrrl Power

It’s funny-sad to watch old television programs and movies from the mid-century. Art truly imitated life, and we saw on our screens the depiction of what was the social norm. American values were what we would call “traditional” these days, often built upon religious doctrine.

Men wore pants, women wore dresses, and gender role expectations were pretty rigid.

When we look back on this today, we may think it was quaint. I’m not going to be dismissive and say, “Well, it worked,” because we may have survived in spite of them, not because. It would also be easy to conclude that, because changes did come, maybe the old ways weren’t so good after all, or at least had lost their relevance.

At the risk of my students retorting with a snarky TL;DR, I’ll cut to the chase: Things are very different now, and women are free to pursue the life they want to live. It’s not perfect, mind you, but much better than before. Take what I say with a grain of salt, because I’m in mansplaining mode right now.

But if you’re in this blog for the long haul, lend me your eyes and ears. For the second time in recent years, there is a distinct possibility we may elect a woman President in seven weeks.

The division of labor within American homes has changed considerably. The notions of “man’s work” and “woman’s work” have blurred considerably, replaced by clearer thinking and a move toward task specialization. That’s another way of saying that the most-qualified person in the household does specific tasks, without regard to tradition or gender.

The change has been refreshing for me, even though I grew up in one of those traditional families. Dad brought home the bacon, and Mom cooked it. She also laundered, cleaned, mended, and did all the domestic things you could think of. Dad mowed, changed the oil, and customized the basement in our first house. They were raised to do just that.

Although I grew up surrounded by the traditional dyad, I was also afloat in a sea of change. Today, I have found myself in love with cooking, something I desperately had to learn after first wife left. I find it therapeutic, much like I don’t mind doing laundry. For that matter, as much as I want the grass to quit growing right now, I rather like spending a few hours on my tractor completely disconnected from everything else. These are jobs that need to be done, regardless of whether a man or woman does them.

I remember when—there’s my catch phrase again—I attended freshman orientation at my undergrad, which was a private Christian college. We met one evening for the Freshman Hike, which amounted to the boys lining up on the left, girls on the right, and then walking toward the huge cemetery across from campus. We had to take the hand of the girl beside us, and then proceed through the usual “What’s you name?” and “What’s your major?” After a minute or so, the leader of the event would yell, “Switch!” The first man would then drop to the back, and we all moved up one, meeting another young lady.

The big joke back then—this was 1977—was that most of the girls were there only to get a coveted “Mrs” degree. You know. A husband, thereby fulfilling her womanly mission. Kids would follow, as well as homemaking. If you picked up a few tidbits of knowledge along the way, good on you.

The liberation of women, though, is not just about career advancement and meaningful jobs. It is a necessity, when you consider that nearly 50% of all marriages in the US will end in divorce. Women, often with primary custody of children, wind up fending for themselves. It’s hard to make ends meet on dead-end minimum wage jobs.

The best way to try to insulate yourself from divorce is to wait a bit to marry. Those marrying after the age of 25 have the least incidence of divorce. Oh, and if you do divorce, be careful remarrying, because second and third marriages have a much higher rate of divorce than first marriages.

Putting this all together—and you knew I had a method to my madness—we see that the composition of American universities has changed considerably. Beginning around 1980, women started outnumbering men on campus. Today, about 58% are women, and only 42% men. At WT, the ratio is 59 to 41.

All of which means, guys, if you came here to find the spouse of your dreams—assuming you are straight—then the odds are stacked highly in your favor.

It’s a very different world from when I was a kid. About 46% of the US workforce is women, seven percentage points higher than the global average, but still only enough to put us at #71 of 180 nations. It’s getting better, and our economy has managed just fine accommodating the influx of new workers. Women have broken through numerous glass ceilings, but there is still room for improvement.

I have seen the changes since I was in grad school at Indiana University. Back then, women wore female versions of a man suit to job interviews and the office, meaning a skirted suit. Today, they can express their femininity with dresses, slacks, and other apparel. And men, don’t be surprised when you find yourself with a female boss. It is increasingly common, and if you have issues taking orders from a woman, you might just want to check yourself. These aren’t the 1950s, you know.

As the father of two daughters with good jobs and even better professional outlooks, I for one am happy to see the change. I raised my daughters to have this mindset, as did their mother. No woman should be subservient to men, in spite of how you interpret the Apostle Paul. His admonitions were written in a very different place and time. This is the 21C, and were he writing epistles today, I bet he would change his tune.

I know I have. And it’s a tune I kind of like.

Dr “You Go, Ladies!” Gerlich

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